Wanna Shout
AN: Written as an entry for the bauhaus Now or Never Contest (http://www.mouth-to-mouth.net/bauhaus/nncontest/index.html). Based on Nick Carter's "Wanna Shout". Lyrics are posted at the end of the story.
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I wanna shout.
It shouldn’t have to be this way.
I turn from the scene, unable to believe it has come to this. What a fucking waste. I can hear the sirens and the screams as I tuck my hat down and walk away from it all. It’s like I’m under water, though, and nothing is animate. The words are all muffled and indiscriminate. It’s time to leave it all behind, I can’t do this no more. I want to scream. I wanna shout. I wanna change the world so things like this don’t happen. I want to turn the world upside down. But I can’t do a thing.
So I walk away.
Past the police and bodyguards that are trying to prevent a riot and trying to keep the peace.
Peace. There’s a laugh. There is no peace in this world. At times there’s an illusion of it, but all it is, is a delusion. People always manage to find reasons to fight. When there isn’t a real reason, they’ll create one out of spite. Don’t believe me? Check out Popdirt some time and you’ll see what I mean. NSYNC vs Backstreet. Timberlake vs Carter. Fan vs fan. Man vs man. That’s what it’s all about.
I wanna shout!
It shouldn’t have to be this way!
Why can’t people just agree to disagree? Who’s to say what’s right and what’s wrong? And who’s to say there even is a right or a wrong about such things? There’s just varying points of view. Some people like rock, some people like rhythm and blues, or country, or jazz. That’s nothing new. Some people like Timberlake’s sound, others like mine. Others like neither, and still others like both. Nothing’s wrong with people liking different things. They’re just different people is all. And that’s how I think it should be. Can you imagine a world in which everyone looks, acts, and thinks the same? I’m not that great at history and all but it seems to me there was a guy in the 30s who thought that’s how things should be. I don’t know about you all, but I wouldn’t want to live in his world.
I appreciate that my fans stick up for me and all, but sometimes they take things too far. If they’re doing it because they think I want it, they don’t know me that good. I ain’t like that. I don’t like to fight, ya’ll. I don’t want to be fought over, and I certainly don’t want anyone hurting others for me. I don’t want to be used as an excuse for the crap-slinging neither. It ain’t worth it. If someone don’t like the way I look, or my voice, my music, or the words I sing, that’s fine with me. So my thing’s not their thing. I move on with my life, they move on with theirs, and the world continues to turn. No skin off my ass. That’s how it should be.
So what if they like Timberlake? That’s cool with me. I don’t really know him, to be honest. We have pretty different tastes it seems, but I have no real beef with him. Okay, I admit I was a bit pissed off that we worked our asses off for years to open doors for him and the rest of NSYNC to walk right through. I admit I was pissed. I’m not perfect and certainly no angel, and I don’t pretend to be. But really, I have nothing against him personally, or even the producers who used the Backstreet Boys and NSYNC and other vocal groups to make as much money as they could off the ‘boyband’ phenomenon that we helped create. At least I don’t any more. It wasn’t his fault that the producers saw their opportunity and took it. If I were to run into Timberlake on the street or whatever, I’d probably shake his hand and congratulate him on his success. And I think he’d do the same to me. It’s not our faults that the label purposely pits us against each other to try and boost record sales. It’s all about the money to them. The almighty dollar that they crave. We all have to struggle to survive. Survival of the fittest, survival of the richest.
I don’t blame the fans for falling into the trap that the labels set for them and fighting amongst themselves which group is better. Which singer will rule while the other one flops. Who has stars upon thars. That’s what they see everywhere they look. People competing to the point of pointless fighting. People hurting each other and thinking it’s exciting and fun. Forget about surviving, it’s all about thriving. Pushing others down to be on top. Be the best. The attitude is everywhere. In the movies, in the books. On TV and in the streets. In the schools. In the homes. Stabbing others in the back to get ahead is the way of life. It’s nobody’s fault and everybody’s fault. I’m no innocent either, I’ve gotten into fights over stupidass things. So I don’t blame anybody and I blame everybody.
I wanna shout.
It shouldn’t have to be this way.
I continue to walk.
Past the news vans and the reporters trying to burst in and break the story. Not caring who they hurt. All they want is glory. I don’t blame them. It’s what they’ve learned is right. Stuff like this sells papers and gets them better jobs. Stuff like this gets them more air time on TV. They have to step on people to get to the top. That’s the way things are. There’s no incentive to stop.
I want to change that.
I wanna change the world. I don’t want to live in a world where a person can’t disagree with someone else without running the risk of being killed for it. Over stupid things! Stupid petty disagreements. A few weeks ago girl was waiting outside a radio station for a chance to meet Timberlake and someone ran her down and killed her. He’d been making fun of the fans and words were slung back and forth. I wasn’t there, and I don’t know nothing but what I’ve read, but allegedly (hey gotta say alleged, it’s not gone to court yet and there’s such a thing as ‘innocent until proven guilty’ ya know) this guy harassed the girls and then got into his truck and floored it, driving maliciously into the crowd. Maybe he didn’t mean to kill anyone. Maybe he just wanted to scare them and make them scatter. But he killed her. All because he didn’t like the same music they did? So what? Is liking Timberlake really a death penalty offense? (keep quiet ya’ll)
Music is meant to entertain. It provokes emotion, causes a commotion. It makes people dance, makes people sing. Makes people laugh, or even cry. It has the power to heal, the power to destroy, and the power to teach. There’s a message to every bit of music that’s out there, and whether people realize it or not, they hear those messages and it changes them if even in the smallest of ways. That’s the power of music.
I’ve heard that we’ve been banned from a radio station in the UK for not being ‘real’ music. Who’s to say what’s real music? There’s lyrics, there’s melody. What’s not real about it? Last I heard there wasn’t a definition of music that says that it has to fit a specific category. There are those who say that our music is all sugar and fluff. That we don’t have soul. We don’t have ‘an edge’. We should only be played in elevators? What’s up with that? We have our own sound. Just because others are all changing their styles to be ‘edgy’ and more “mature” we’re obligated to do the same? There’s not enough room in this world for a different style? Let other groups change if they want to but why must we all do the same thing? Wouldn’t the music world--hell the world in general--be dull if we *were* all the same? And don’t get me wrong, I like a lot of the edgy music out there, and I’m totally into rock, but...why must everybody sing about sex and violence or what’s wrong in the world? Why is that now a seeming requisite to be considered real? Is that really what we want our music to teach? Have we forgotten the power that music wields? Anger is real. Everybody is pissed at the world. Shit happens. That’s real. That’s what makes the world go round and nothing can change that. Sex is real. Attraction to the point of distraction. Animals in a cage waiting to escape. Lust rules our bodies over our minds. Violence and sex. That’s the way the world works. That’s what it’s all about.
“I don’t care what they say, I won’t stay in a world without love.” Some amazingly famous group once sang that. You might remember them. They changed the face of the world with their music about love and peace. Since then the world has changed again. Things have gotten harder, gotten darker. Love has been forgotten, romance is a thing of the past. It’s not real anymore. The world has changed, but what’s so wrong with us trying to change it back if only for a few minutes at a time? What’s wrong with us wanting to use music to spread joy and love? To remind people that it does still exist. Or is that just sugar and fluff? I don’t want to live in a world where it doesn’t exist. What’s worth staying for in that world?
I walk faster. I want to get out of here.
The media only seems to promote the edgy, the harsh, the sadness and violence. Kids killing kids for ‘the fun of it’. Men beating women. Women murdering their children. Kids grabbed from their homes in the dark of night. People being murdered in the street for the few dollars they keep in their pockets. People blowing up buildings. People being murdered for the color of their skin or their religion. That’s keepin’ it real.
They write it because it sells. Nobody wants to hear about the good in the world anymore, they say. And the sales and ratings support that. You got two stories: one about a 14 year old girl who picks up a gun and shoots her mother, and one about a 14 year old girl who wins an award for writing an essay full of ideas about making the world more peaceful. Which one do people read? The one about the girl with the gun right? And then they all shake their heads and wonder why the world is going to hell. They complain and rant about what’s wrong in the world. And then they go on with their day.
And nothing changes.
I wanna shout. Things don’t have to be this way!
I walk unnoticed past the fans that have been trying to fight their way to the front lines. Some are screaming, some crying. None know what exactly is going on, but rumors are starting to make their way through he crowds. They say someone’s been shot.
I was less than a year old when someone shot one of those men that sang that song about a world without love. I think in a way that December 8th,1980 was the day that the world started to change. It became darker that day. Idealism had one of its major appendages severed. Giving peace a chance gave way to a deep sadness.
I know I don’t have the same impact that John Lennon had; I certainly don’t profess to be my generation’s Lennon. Sure there’ll be a lot of upset fans around the world tonight, but nobody’s gonna remember me like they do him. I ain’t that articulate like him. Not as smart as he was. I don’t have his voice or his talent for writing the right words. I can’t change the world like he did. I want to, but what can I do? I’m only one voice. And right now I’m not even that.
I wanna shout.
I turn around.
I can’t leave things like this. I won’t be no hypocrite. If I leave now, that’s what I’ll be. Just another person complaining that nobody does anything to change things and then walking away without trying.
I break into a run.
Past the fans.
Past the reporters and the news vans.
Past the police and bodyguards.
Into the crime scene. The police have a young man pinned. His gun is on the ground a few feet away. Emptied of bullets. There had only been three bullets in the chambers. All three had met their mark. If there had been more bullets, they, too, would have certainly done more damage. Not that more damage was needed. The bullets had done their job. Their target had been shot three times at close range. For what? Because someone thought he didn’t sing the right music, because he didn’t have the right look, because he was young and famous and rich. He wasn’t real. He didn’t have soul. He was sugar and fluff. He was on top of the world and shining and for the first time in a long time, he was free and soaring. His solo album was being released and his group was gathered together for the first time in months. And he was happy. He’d finally learned to stand on his own two feet. But he was knocked down because you always gotta knock someone down to get to the top. He was shot down because someone didn’t think he deserved to be happy when they weren’t. That’s keeping it real.
The paramedics haven’t arrived yet and there are four men crowded around a body sprawled lifelessly on the ground as the police and guards keep everyone else at bay. Each of the four is covered in blood, but they don’t seem to notice. They only notice the unmoving body of their friend. At the way his chest doesn’t rise or fall.
Brian is holding the body’s hand, crying harder than I’ve seen anyone cry before. Like he’s lost his best friend. Kevin is looking stoic and rubbing Brian’s back as he sobs. I can see his pain clearly, but he’s trying to be strong for the others. He wants to shout. This isn’t how it’s supposed to be.
“Damn it, Nicky! Breathe, you little mother fucker!” AJ says in a panicked little voice. I can tell he wants to shout too. Howie pulls him into a hug and tells him in a soothing voice that it’s going to be okay. From his tone, it’s clear he doesn’t believe it.
I wanna shout.
I need my voice. I don’t wanna leave like this.
I close my eyes and suck in my breath. I just need a little bit of faith here. Help me. I don’t want to leave like this.
I open my eyes and roll them toward Brian.
He sees the movement and gasps. “God! Nick!” He smoothes my hair back. “Don’t try to move. Help is coming. Just hold on!”
“Oh thank god...I thought he was dead!” Howie admits as he and AJ drop to their knees beside me.
I open my mouth. I wanna shout.
Brian squeezes my hand. “Don’t talk...just stay with us.”
I shake my head. I wanna shout. But I can’t. My chest hurts, it’s hard to breathe.
I’ll settle for whispering.
“Things don’t have to be this way,” I whisper. Brian smiles sadly and nods.
“It’s okay,” he tells me. “Hang in there.”
You bet I will.
I got a song to write. I may be only one voice, but...
I’m gonna shout.
Wanna Shout
Ignorance of people purchasing diamonds and necklaces,
And barely able to keep the payments up on their lessons,
And enrolled in a class and don't know who the professor is,
How low people go for the dough and make a mess of things,
Kids are murdering other kids for the fun of it,
Instead of using their mind or their fist, they put a gun in it.
Wanna be a part of a clique, don't know who's running it,
Tragedy on top of tragedy you know it's killing me.
So many people in agony, this shouldn't have to be,
Too busy focusing on ourselves and not His Majesty,
There has to be some type of change for this day and age,
We gotta rearrange and flip the page,
Living encaged like animals and cannibals,
Eating each other alive just to survive the nine to five,
Every single day is trouble while we struggle and strive,
Peace of mind's so hard to find.
Chorus-
I wanna shout, throw my hands up and shout
What's this madness all about
All this makes me wanna shout
You know it makes me wanna shout
Throw my hands up and shout
What's this madness all about
All this makes me wanna shout, c'mon now
Problems, complications and accusations
Dividing the nations and races of empty faces
A war is taking place.
No substitution for restitution, the only solution for peace
Is increasing the height of your spirituality.
Masses of minds are shrouded, clouded visions
Deceptions and indecision, no faith or religion, how we're living.
The clock is ticking, the end is coming, there'll be no warning,
But will we live to see the dawn.
Bridge-
How can we preach, when all we make this world to be
Is a living hell torturing our minds.
We all must unite, to turn darkness to light,
And the love in our hearts will shine.
We're disconnected from love, we're disrespecting each other
Whatever happened to protecting each other
Poisoned your body and your soul for a minute of pleasure,
But the damage that you've done is gonna last forever.
Babies being born in the world already drug addicted and afflicted,
Family values are contradicted.
Ashes to ashes and dust to dust, the pressure is building and I've had enough.
ChorusA/N: Please Review or email me with feedback! Thanks! (Oh, and if you like the story, please ::shameless plug:: vote between Oct 22 and 27th.) |
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