Four Letter Words by Ashleigh
01 by Ashleigh
I know who my father is. Of course I know. Mom had never been hesitant about giving me that information. And she never hesitated to remind me, either. Every time BSB were on TV Mom would jump up and say, "There's your dad, Kelly! There he is!" Like it was some kind of an "honor" or something to have a popstar as a dad.

Now I'll admit it; when I was younger-like six or something-I thought it was pretty awesome to have him as my dad. Even if I never saw him or talked to him. All the girls would talk about how cool he was. I wanted to scream out, "He's my dad! AJ McLean is my dad!" But I knew I couldn't...No one would believe me.

There was even the time when I was about nine-years-old that I wanted to live with him. See, my mom was working two part-time jobs. But that was barely enough to live on. At least not comfortably. We could afford to buy food every week, and that was about it. We didn't have a lot of the things that most families had become accustomed to. For a long time we didn't even have a phone! I also don't remember having a lot of toys or anything like that. The only toy I really know about is this stupid stuffed pink dog. I have no idea who gave it to me. All I know is this: I still have it and it stays on my bed...

Anyway, my mom got in touch with him and asked if I could stay with him for a while until she got a steady job. She mailed the letter and for the next week or two I prayed he would say yes.

One day I came home from school and checked the mail. And there it was: the letter from my father. My mom was at work and wouldn't be coming home until around midnight. I absolutely couldn't wait that long, so I opened the letter as soon as I got inside. I must have read it 10 times...I still remember exactly what it said:

Allison,
I'm sorry things are so hard for you right now. I wish I could do this for you and take Kelly, but I just can't. I'm away all the time, and you know me, I'm not the most mature person in the world. Kelly deserves, and needs, someone better than me. She needs you. I'll do the one thing that I actually can do now and pay child support from now on. Tell Kelly I love her.

Love, Alex

I dropped the letter on the table and ran to my room. I stayed in my bed and cried until my mom came home. She'd obviously seen the letter and knew that I'd read it, because she came into my room and sat down next to me on my bed.

"Oh Kelly," She said, pulling me up into a hug, "I'm so sorry. But your dad really does love you. And he's willing to help us out."

Love. Ha! Yeah right. The words probably not even in his vocabulary. And the whole "child support" thing. He hasn't sent one check in the 13 years I've been alive. I hate him. And I though my mom did, too.

But obviously she doesn't hate him too much considering she's once again trying to talk him into taking me in. She's in the kitchen making the call now. But not on our phone. Oh no! On her best friends phone. We're staying with her now. We got evicted from our OWN apartment last month after Mom got laid off from the bar she was working at and we couldn't pay our bills or the rent. So it was, pack everything up! We're moving in with Miss Casey!

So that's where I am now. In Casey's living room with her two-year-old son watching Blues Clues.

"Derek, I'm hungry. Do you want anything?" I asked him.

"Cookie." He replied, not taking his eyes off Blue.

I smiled at him. Little kids can be so cute! I got up and walked into the kitchen at exactly the wrong time. Mom was blowing up at AJ.

"She's 13-years-old! She deserves better! You're my only hope!" She yelled.

I tried to walk quietly behind her, but she knew I was there. "Here she is now." She grabbed my arm and pulled me to her. "Kelly, do you like it here?" She asked me.

Damn. Just has to pull me in doesn't she? Eh, I'll bite. I moved in closer to Mom so I was directly next to the phone. "I live in a crack house with a druggie, Mommy dearest...What do you think? And if that jackass don't let me live with him..." I could feel my anger building up, "I'm gonna fly out to Florida just to kick his pansy little boyband ass!"

"Kelly, calm down." Mom said to me.

I stood up straight. "No Mom! I won't calm down! HE is the reason my life has been hell! HE is the reason I have had NOTHING my entire life! He doesn't care about me at all! And the fact that you have to...argue with him just so he can give me, his daughter, a better life proves it!I hate him!" I screamed. I ran out of the kitchen, through the living room, and straight into the room I called my own. I know he'd heard me. But I didn't feel guilty at all. He deserved it.


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