Kiss Me, Claus
Hearing a loud crash that sounded like a gunshot echo from beneath him, Nick Carter snorted in surprise and rolled sharply from within his cocoon of blankets to ward off the chill of winter. Though, he hadn’t expected that he had been curled at the edge of his bed when he rolled. Hitting the wood floor with a hard groan, he felt an eerie calm settling over his house when the laughter died downstairs with sharp hisses of attempts to shush themselves. Burglars! Outraged, he lunged for the baseball bat that he had thrown beneath his bed with defeat long after Brian had ground his face into the dirt during a brutal game that had cost him a clean hundred dollars. A burglar striking on Christmas Eve would have no chance to take the presents he had accumulated for a year of almost good behavior. Especially since Brian and AJ were spending the holiday with him.
The bastards had no idea how hard he worked to collect just half of the things wrapped so prettily beneath his lopsided, half-lit Christmas tree. Dabbling in homoerotic arts was not his favorite pastime, but he had made an effort to make his yuletide quite gay by bringing Brian and AJ together. The two had been eyeing each other like lovesick mongrels for years and, frankly, he was tired of the pining. He couldn’t deal with hearing AJ’s raspy voice belting out the lyrics ‘Lay down beside me. / You can get all inside me. / And I can get all inside you, too,’ while thinking of how he could possibly throw Brian down onto the stage and manhandle him. Seeing the dry version of his powerful thrusts against the stage during their Homecoming: Live in Orlando concert was painful enough. At that had been years ago. So with months of planning and studying the particulars of true homo-romance, without participating that is, he had finally united them in a sweat-filled-panting-engorged-erection-lust-fest...
Or so he had heard from AJ’s recount of events and Brian’s crimson blush…
Fully annoyed when the laughter exploded once more and was hurriedly shushed, he stumbled from his tangle of blankets and searched for the pair of boxers he had discarded earlier in the evening. Managing to locate some sort of festive boxers decorated with Christmas lights print spelling ‘Get Lit,’ Nick hurried down the stairs with a firm grip on the bat. He was certainly thankful that his stairs had been cleared of clutter, knowing Brian had gone about the house tidying up for the infamous Saint Nicholas who would arrive for the plate of cookies and milk set out on Baylee’s request, he stilled toward the bottom of the stairs when he heard a pair of voices.
‘That damn bastard of a burglar has a fucking thieving friend in my house!’ Nick thought with outrage, craning his neck in hopes to get a glimpse of the duo so he could identify the bodies at a later date, should he prove to be a fabulous Christmas Crusader. But, at first sight, he had to surprise a squeal of delight. This when he noticed the elegantly fur-lined, deep red coat, shiny black boots, discarded red satchel, and those famous snowy white curls cascading in a thick beard. Even the twinkle in his light blue eyes was enough to cause Nick’s stomach to knot with anticipation. And the satchel was nearly bursting with gifts! For him!
But… He just wasn’t fat enough to be the real—
‘Son of a bitch! The bastard is fucking up Santa’s rep and stealing my shit!’ Nick assumed with a scowl, tightening his fists around the bat once more and taking a jaunty step off the stairs. Resting the bat to his shoulder, he anticipated lifting it quickly and taking a hearty swing at the imposter. He would be the action hero that saved Christmas—
“I’ve been a very good boy this year, Santa,” a familiar voice rasped from the threshold of the kitchen. Quickly lurching back into the shadows, Nick’s sapphire eyes widened in horror to see AJ approaching the bearded imposter with a cookie hanging from his mouth and the fluffy balled tail of the prized Santa’s hat swinging from his head in a seductive offering. There were no words to describe the horror that had turned the wonderful holiday into a disaster as AJ leaned into the short, red man and allowed him to partake of the peanut butter cookies. When their lips met, AJ eagerly anticipated deepening the kiss, but Santa pulled away with a bashful ‘ho-ho-ho.’ Frowning, AJ lingered in the threshold of the large living room and crossed his inked arms roughly against his chest. Grunting, he questioned with a pout, “You think I’ve been naughty?”
The bastard burglar of a sneaky Santa nodded.
Taking a long swallow of milk, AJ sighed, “How can I get back on the nice list?”
A white-gloved hand gestured toward the mistletoe dangling so delicately over the archway leading from the kitchen to the living room and AJ grinned quite devilishly. Advancing with a renewed vigor for the holiday spirit, AJ pushed Santa onto the couch and wasted no time in straddling his red, crushed-velvet lap. Pained erections immediately inflamed between the two when AJ grinded feverishly against Santa and allowed his inked fingers to tangle deep within the snow-white beard. The white-gloved hands immediately grasped AJ’s lean hips and pulled him downward till each could feel the entire length of the other. There were moans of delight that erupted between the obvious paramours before AJ took charge and devoured Santa’s lips. The mistletoe kiss was long, hot, and heavy. Tongues battled between the mouths for control before settling into a mirrored movement of slow and sensuous undulation.
It looked as if neither would take a breath, till, panting, AJ pulled away to rest his forehead against the man’s. There was a sigh of longing that past between them and Nick shuddered at the carnal thoughts it obviously evoked. Still, unbeknownst, AJ brought his fingers shakily down the black coal buttons of the fur-trimmed jacket and brushed his lips over the man’s brow with another delicate sigh. “Your turn to kiss me, Claus.”
But Nick could stand for no more when he realized that AJ was out to smear Good Ol’ Saint Nick into a sea of festively decorated rainbow gaieties. He was literally making the yuletide gay! Should the paparazzi be fiddling around with the tinsel in the Carter trashcan, Santa would be steamed hotter than a lobster… Which sounded particularly delicious after the annual Christmas Eve shrimp buffet… But that was neither here nor there. And, on top of it all, the skinny bitch was cheating on his best friend!
Infuriated, Nick swept into the living room with an ear-piercing shriek of defiance and lunged toward the scrawniest Grinch. Wrapping his arms about the man’s thin waist in a fierce bear-hug, Nick rushed forward with so much adrenaline that both men toppled over the back of the couch. The loud thump of bodies seemed to echo throughout the large house when the brunt of Nick’s weight crushed AJ’s skinny frame and startled the Furry-faux-Santa so terribly that he fell from the couch. But Nick wasted no time in flipping AJ to his stomach and manhandling him till his friend brought a rough foot to Nick’s back and turned.
“What the Hell is wrong with you?!” AJ demanded in a wheeze of pain, throwing his fists to Nick’s chest.
“Me?! You ask me that when you’re playing Santa’s Slut for Christmas?! Screwing Santa doesn’t mean better presents for Bayster, Genius! Or me for that matter! And I worked hard this year! Too damn hard!” Nick screeched, throwing an accusatory finger in the older man’s face. “To think I was okay with you butt-diddling my best friend! Like worrying about a sneak-ass-attack wasn’t bad enough, now I have to tell Brian that—”
The faux-Santa cleared his throat. “Nick—”
“Just a minute, Brian,” Nick snapped, reaching to wrap his hands about AJ’s throat. “I’m yelling at the cheating turd-burgler—”
“Damnit Brian!” Nick exclaimed, throwing his hands up in disbelief when AJ managed to scurry out beneath his hold. Turning with every intention of blabbing the night’s events, he sucked in a sharp breath when the fake stood before him. Peeling the long, white beard from his face and lifting the velvet hat from his head, Nick was amazed when Brian appeared. “So… You… And… Dress-up…”
Brian slowly nodded with a bashful grin. “Guilty… The mistletoe tends to heighten my holiday spirit—”
“Thank the Baby Jesus,” AJ praised with a wickedly delightful smirk.
Not dignifying their explanation with a response, Nick found himself more concerned about the state of Christmas. Surveying his surroundings, he noticed several peculiarities. Wordlessly, he pointed toward Brian’s wardrobe, then to the chimney, then to the nibbled cookies. Heartbroken, he looked to his friends with a pout, “You mean to tell me there’s no Santa?!”