[Report This]Date: 05/24/05 06:00 am Title: first nite chap
Okay, umm... you need to get all the personal stuff out, the screen names and fix the following: punctuation, grammar and capitalization. The story idea is good, but the rest is so confusing and just jumbles into the story. And letting everyone know who is who helps at times, except AIM conversations shouldn't be original fiction unless it's an actual part of the story.
[Report This]Date: 05/24/05 02:49 am Title: first nite chap
Alrighty. Few friendly suggestions. A) Delete all the personal convo stuff, & just leave the roleplaying bit in. B) Take the screen names out. It's not important to know who wrote what. Also, it takes away from the story. C) Write in a disclaimer who plays who, if you would really like for people to know. D) Edit the spelling & puncuation & stuff. Seek help if needed (get co-writer's help). E) Have fun & Enjoy! ~Incredi-LenDash~
[Report This]Date: 05/23/05 06:30 pm Title: first nite chap
Umm...How can I put this? I started to try and read it but it's just too messy to keep on with it. No punctuation (capitalization, etc.) is a big turn off. Sorry.
[Report This]Date: 05/23/05 03:35 am Title: first nite chap
interesting to say the least. Kinda confusing at points but hey i get the Role Play thing. I love to role play but i do it differently lol
[Report This]Date: 05/23/05 03:17 am Title: first nite chap
Uh...good story. Chapter One's a little long but it'll do. Hey, how boutcapitalizing things that need to be capitalized and all that stuff. It's kind of a turn-off to see lowercase like that b/c it looks like you didn't care when you posted it.
