Date: 05/29/13 05:17 pm Title: Chapter 1
Hey there! I thought it was only fair I get started on reading your story since you're leaving some great feedback for mine! First off, I can definitely tell that this is the writing of a young Mare, and it's cool to see how much you've grown as a writer. That being said, the content is still very,very good! I got a little confused by the tense jumping back and forth from present to past, but I see how that's exactly what you were trying to do-- Having Kevin talk both about what's happening in the car right now and the way they were. This very much has a "stream of consciousness" vibe to it, which actually works here since it's the boys' thoughts you're writing. I think it's interesting that you've written Kevin and Nick as very close companions at this point in time (what? circa 2003?), and that there is so much tension between Brian and Howie. Angry an annoyed Howie isn't a character you see much in fanfic, as he's always portrayed as the sweet and happy peacemaker. We all know that can't be true 100% of the time, so it's a little refreshing, actually. Love the last line. It says so much in so few words.
Author's Response:
Ick, no kidding! The grammar police would have a field day with this one! I think it was my second one right after Mizpah and I was still trying to get my lets give each person their own line for quotes thing down. I think this is one of the ones where I might have accidentally switched up points of view too. From first to third or vice versa. I don't remember which one this is actually. lol That's interesting about Kevin and Nick. I love their relationship so much it was probably more wishful thinking than anything on my part and I tried to purposely stay away from winky D. Thanks, Emily! I forgot you were reading this one.
[Report This]Date: 01/16/07 07:19 am Title: Chapter 16
Hehe. Lovely ending. I really enjyoed this fic. Had be scared for a moment that they were gonna actually break up. I still cn't fully believe Kevin just up & quit - though, I understand his reasons for doing so. But it won't fully click until I see them perform live again - then it'll hit like a ton of bricks - Eep!
*cheesy grin* Off to read some more of re-visit the forums!!!
~Lenni~
[Report This]Date: 12/22/06 06:35 am Title: Chapter 16
awww that was really good. i love your stories.
[Report This]Date: 12/20/06 08:00 pm Title: Chapter 16
WoW Amazing, Outstanding. Mare this is by far one of the best stories I have ever read. I love your work. Your writing technique how it all comes together to make it feel like real life. Makes you feel like you are right in there with them. Your stories make me think of my own life sometimes. This one ecspecially. Love the details in every story, and how this one is said in each pro verb to each character in the story. Very Well Done.
[Report This]Date: 12/20/06 07:39 pm Title: Chapter 1
Sounds good, what are there ages in this? I guess i'll find out lol.
[Report This]Date: 12/20/06 07:19 pm Title: Chapter 16
excellent job with the story i loved it again!
[Report This]Date: 12/20/06 07:17 pm Title: Chapter 15
damnit now i really am crying!
[Report This]Date: 12/20/06 07:15 pm Title: Chapter 14
great im about to cry now
[Report This]Date: 12/20/06 07:12 pm Title: Chapter 13
ok thanks mare i really hate brian in this story
[Report This]Date: 12/20/06 07:09 pm Title: Chapter 12
aw nick its not fair its like hes afraid of his own shadow
[Report This]Date: 12/20/06 07:06 pm Title: Chapter 11
aaawww now its kevin who is the sweetheart
[Report This]Date: 12/20/06 07:03 pm Title: Chapter 10
oh nicky is such a sweetheart he breaks my heart
[Report This]Date: 12/20/06 07:00 pm Title: Chapter 9
aw that chapter had me laughing i really liked it
[Report This]Date: 12/20/06 06:57 pm Title: Chapter 8
humph brian can be such a jerk
[Report This]Date: 12/20/06 06:55 pm Title: Chapter 7
excellent chapter i really like this story
