~*~*Dear Friend, What’s On Your Mind?*~*~
~*~*You Don’t Laugh The Way You Used To.*~*~


I know you try so hard to hide it, but you can’t keep anything from me. I’ve noticed everything. I notice how you went from lively, center of attention to cold, withdrawn. Your smile isn’t the same anymore. Neither is your laugh. They’re both too forced to be yours.

What’s wrong? I do wish you’d tell me. I can’t stand how you look to me. You look like walking death, a corpse who is restlessly walking among the living. The thing is, it was only a few weeks ago that you were normal. Well as normal as you could be when you were yourself.

Kevin jumps on you for so little lately. The smallest mess-ups, the quickest mistake set him off. I know when Kevin yells at you calling you immature and a baby hurts you. But you have to understand, that Kevin is only yelling at you…because like me, he is worried about you.

He knows that something is troubling to the point where you’re letting your health suffer. Like me, Kevin wonders why you’re so pale, and shaky all the time, and why you’re not any fun anymore. Like me, Kevin wonders what happened to our youngest brother.

Just like right now. He’s yelling at you for messing up during one of our rehearsals. These occasions used to be rare…but now they seem to be a common occurrence. So what if you went right instead of left? So what if you didn’t turn at the exact moment you were supposed to? Kevin should know that your attitude as of late proves you need patience, not irritability. Sigh. Here he goes again.

“I Just don’t’ see why you can’t get this routine right! IT’S NOT THAT HARD!” Kevin yells.

”Sorry Kev,” you mumble miserably.

“Sorry ain’t good enough! You can’t do anything right lately! You’ve been TERRIBLE!!! You can’t do the routine, and can’t even fucking sing in key! Get it together! Is this a joke to you?” Jeepers Kevin can you be any more cruel?

“Sorry Kev,” You whisper again your eyes beginning to well with unshed tears.

“Whatever! Get it together,” Kevin snaps then leaves the room. The other two, who have been sitting there wide eyed the entire time excuse themselves and go after Kevin. No doubt to scold him for being so stern.

I meanwhile look over at your pathetic form and sit down next to you. I wrap my arm around your shoulders. “Hey, it’s okay buddy,” I whisper comfortingly. You pull away from me.

“No it’s not,” you reply almost harshly, “I can’t do anything right, Kevin’s right. I’m just worthless.”

“That’s not true! You’re very good at what you do!” I reply sternly.

“Not lately.”

“Well…you’ve just been off lately, you’re gonna be fine!”

“If you say so,” you reply with a shrug. You’re not convinced and a deep silence follows. I can’t think of what I want to say…then when I figure out what I WANT to say, I have to figure out how to approach it. I’m afraid of how you’ll react. I’m afraid you’ll blow up at me, tell me to mind my own business, and never talk to me again. You know…tear me a new one?

But even worse than this original thought, I’m afraid you’ll close yourself off completely and that I’ll never find out what’s destroying you so. It’s this fear, which has as of late made me extra careful around you. The fact you’ve been overly sensitive to boot doesn’t exactly help either. Well…I guess it’s now or never. I’ll never know if I don’t ask.

“Hey,” you look at me when I speak, “what’s been troubling you lately?” Wow…such horrible tact. I can’t believe I was so blunt! STUPID STUPID STUPID!

“Huh?” you answer stupidly, “What do you mean?” Now I know you don’t think I’m completely stupid, you know what I’m talking about!

“Well…” I approach the situation differently this time, “as of late, you’ve been distant. You don’t go out with us unless you have to, you don’t’ smile or laugh the way you sued to, you don’t’ even seem to enjoy your career anymore, which you used to take such great pleasure in. You look sick all the time, and have no energy. So what’s up? You can tell me!”

“Nothing’s wrong,” you laugh with a forced smile, “I just havent’ felt like myself lately….but it’s just a funk and I’ll work myself out of it.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah! Of course!”

“…Okay then…” You get up to leave, “But…” You turn back to me

“Yes?”

“If you were having problems…you’d tell me right?” You smile.

“Of course!”

“Okay, Bye then see you tomorrow!”

“Bye.” You’re gone now and I am left here with all my thoughts alone. You’re lying to me, that much is obvious. So what is really bothering you? And why can’t you tell me? It’s really boggling my mind. You may think I’m silly for worrying about you so much, but you’re my BEST friend, so it shouldn’t come as such a shock.

All I want is for you to be yourself again. Tell me something…ANYTHING to let me know that the one that I love so much as a best friend and brother is still in there somewhere… I just want some sign that you’ll be alright! Pull a prank! Tell a Joke! Laugh at a Joke! Smile!…something.

I don’t’ know what’s bothering you friend, but I won’t stop until I find out.

Because I want my little brother back,

Because I miss your jokes and mischief,

Because I want you to be my best friend again,

Because I care,

Because I miss you Nick.


~*~*Dear Friend, What’s On Your Mind?*~*~
~*~*You Don’t Laugh The Way You Used To.*~*~

~*~*Dear Friend, What’s On Your Mind*~*~
~*~*You Don’t Laugh The Way You Used To*~*~
~*~*But I’ve Noticed How You Cry*~*~


I think I should start at the beginning….

~*~*~*Six Weeks ago*~*~*~

I noticed the change after we returned to you at the hotel when the rest of us went to that dance club. It was a 21 and over and you only being 20 had to stay at the hotel…

Anyways, you sat in our room as I was preparing to leave. “Are you sure you don’t want me to stay Nick?” I asked you. You had grinned at me.

“Naw!” You answered, “Go on Bri! Have some fun! Don’t let me ruin it! I’ll just watch some T.V. or maybe play on Kevin’s computer if he’ll let me.”

“Well I’m sure Kev won’t mind. Go ask him.” I suggested.

“Good idea,” You agreed and got up to leave, “Maybe I’ll have some fun while I’m there…” You added with a grin.

I laughed at your comment as I watched you walk out the door, with me close behind you. You walked down the hall of the hotel towards Kevin’s room. You knocked and entered. A.J. and Howie greeted you from where they were waiting for Kevin.

You walked into Kevin’s bathroom where my cousin was getting ready. “Hey Kev,” you greeted him. Kevin turned around.

“Hi Nick,” he replied, “Are you sure you don’t mind staying here all by yourself? I could stay with you.” You could tell that Kevin wanted to go so you laughed.

“What?” you mocked, “is the club scene a little to jumpin’ and jivin’ for you old man?”

“Hmm…I’m considering that a personal insult that you think I’m getting senile,” Kevin said in a pretend huff, then continued while turning around to gather his clothes, “Now Nicky, be good while we’re gone and if something happens, we all have our cell phones so don’t hesitate to call.”

You rolled your eyes at Kevin. “Yes Daddy, I’ll be sure to call if there’s an emergency…and to say goodnight!” you quipped while reaching over and replacing Kevin’s usual gel with a tube you were holding in your hand. Kevin turned back around and you grinned innocently at him and remembered why you came into his room.

“Hey Kev?” you asked.

“Yes?” Kevin replied.

“Is it okay if I use your computer while you’re gone?” you asked sweetly.

“Uhm…I don’t see why not…just don’t-“

You cut him off. “Don’t delete anything important…or anything at all, don’t harass people, don’t give out personal information or passwords, and don’t look at porn! Yeah yeah yeah.”

Kevin laughed at you. “You got it!” he said grabbing the gel and quickly styling his hair. “We’ll be back at around three. Remember, call if you need us.”

“Will do!” You said smothering a laugh and saluting Kevin. Howie and A.J. were smothering laughs as well and you grinned at them. Kevin laughed and shook his head.

“Let’s move out guys!” Kevin ordered.

“Bye Nick!” Everyone chorused as we left. You grabbed my arm as I began to leave. Your eyes were twinkling, so full of life…

“Let me know his reaction,” You whisper with a snicker.

“Don’t worry,” I whispered back, “I’ll describe it later in full detail!” Then as an after thought, “Have fun!”

“Bye!” you called after me. Then I left. And it was that night that I noticed you weren’t you anymore…

And to this moment…I STILL don’t know what is wrong with you…I still don’t’ know what happened…


~*~*

When we returned that night, you were different. Your mood had visibly shifted. You seemed mighty edgy and your temper was about as long as a bull that’s seen something red. I guess you really were upset that we left you at the hotel…or maybe you were annoyed because we were uhm….a little indisposed? OKAY OKAY! We were wasted. Well all except A.J., and I was slowly working off my buzz.

I watched you scramble to close the webpage and delete it from the computer’s history. You just couldn’t resist, I knew you were looking at Porn. I snickered and winked at you. The look seemed to irritate you but through my alcohol induced haze, I couldn’t resist poking fun at you. “Now Now Nickay! I thought Kevvy Poo told you noooooooo Porno!” I laughed stupidly at my own joke.

You cast a furtive glance at Kevin before you returned your gaze back to me. Your eyes narrowed dangerously. “Whatever,” You snapped, pushing past me and heading towards the bathroom.

“YO NICK!” A.J. hailed you seemingly searching for intelligent, sober conversation.

“WHAT?!” you answered annoyed.

A.J. flinched a bit at your biting tone. “Geeze Nick I was just going to ask if you wanted to do something right now seeing as it’s only 11:30 pm, we have a day off tomorrow, and these chuckleheads are too drunk to do anything. To prove his point, Howie walked into a wall sending Kevin and myself roaring with laughter.

Your face softened a bit. “Sorry Bone, but as you’ve just witnessed, I’m quite tired…maybe some other time.” With that said, you walked away and into the bathroom.
Uncomfortable silence filled the room before Kevin snickered and quite loudly announced he was going to sleep. Howie concurred and wrapped his arm around A.J.’s shoulders leaning heavily on him before dragging him away as well. A.J. bid me goodnight and left with Howie. I was left all alone to talk to you.

When you walked out of the bathroom, you looked upset. Your eyes were red rimmed, and I distinctly heard you sniffle. “Nicky? What’s wrong?” I asked gently, still slightly slurring.

“Nothing, don’t worry about it,” You grumbled at me shaking your head.

“Fine.” I replied then went to my bed and crawled in it. The sheets were so warm and welcoming…I could talk to Nick tomorrow when I was more inclined to say intelligent, comprehensible things. Yes…sleep…



~*~*Dear Friend, What’s On Your Mind*~*~
~*~*You Don’t Laugh The Way You Used To*~*~
~*~*But I’ve Noticed How You Cry*~*~