Friday, April 23, 1993

I never thought I would be packing up boxes for my cousin Brian. He was the latest victim from my family to move to Florida. My older brother Kevin was living down there. Brian was my favorite cousin. I wasn’t thrilled to be losing him to another state. This was all Kevin’s fault. He asked Brian to join some vocal harmony a group.

Tonight I was driving with my Aunt Jackie and Uncle Harry to Florida. We were moving Brian’s stuff to Florida. I just wanted to see what was so special in Florida.

“Ashton, thank you for helping us take Brian’s stuff down to Orlando.” Uncle Harry said as we pulled out of the driveway.

“I just want to make sure he’ll be okay. Plus, I want to see Kevin.”

Well let me tell me about myself. My name is Ashton Jeanette Richardson. I’m fourteen years old. I am almost finished with the eighth grade. I’m known as a geek at my school. That’s because I’m smart. I’ve been in gifted and talented since I was in first grade. I get straight A’s on my report card. I play the piano, clarinet, and flute. I always carry a book with me. My biggest passion in life is dance. I have long black hair, which I wear straight. I don’t have time to bother with it. My eyes are green and I wear glasses. I also have braces. It doesn’t help that I’m already five foot eight inches tall. No wonder everyone thinks I’m a geek. I certainly look like one.

Brian always told me I will be a knock-out when I get older. He says all the guys will want to date me. I think he’s crazy, but I love him. In the past few years, we have spent a lot of time together. He didn’t mind that I was younger than him. He let me play basketball with him and his friends.

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Saturday, April 24, 1993

It was a long drive from Kentucky to Florida. We finally arrived. I pounded loudly on the door. It opened quickly.

“Ashton, I’ve missed you.” My brother pulled me in tightly and twirled me around.

“I missed you, too. Uncle Harry and Aunt Jackie are unpacking the van.”

“Go inside and wake up Brian. He’s the second room on the left. I’ll go help.” He walked outside.

I carefully went inside. I looked around and didn’t see anything exciting. There was a dark haired boy sitting on the couch. I waved to him and kept going to find Brian. I opened the door. Brain was sleeping on his stomach with his arm dangling down.”

Silently, I walked over to him and whispered in his ear. He started to stir, but didn’t wake up. I started tickling his side.

“Go away.” He mumbled into his pillow. I tickled him again and started to laugh.

“Fine. I’m getting up.” He turned over and sat up.

“Hey Bri. Glad to see me?”

“Mom didn’t tell me you were coming.”

“I wanted it to be a surprise.”

Brian got up and stretched. We walked into the living room. That boy was still sitting on the couch.

“AJ, I would like you to meet my favorite cousin. This is Ashton.”

“Nice to meet you Ashton.” He shook my hand.

“Nice to meet you. What does AJ stand for?” I asked curiously.

“Alexander James.”

“Cool. We have the same initials. Mine is Ashton Jeannette.”

“We’re both AJ.” He smiled at me. I nodded my head. He seemed nice. I notice Brian had gone outside. I sat down by AJ.

“Are you in the vocal harmony group?”

“Yes. There are five of us. Nick and Howie are also in the group.” He explained.

“Are you any good?”

“I think so. We are hoping to break into the business. Do you sing?”

“No. I play the piano, clarinet and flute. I’m planning to join the colorguard at my high school next year.”

“What’s colorguard?”

“It’s the girls in the band that spin flags and rifles. You have to tryout to get on the squad.”

“Are you any good?” He asked smiling at me.

“Yeah. Brian’s girlfriend is on the squad. She’s been helping me. How old are you AJ?”

“I’m fifteen. You?”

“I’m fourteen, but I will be fifteen in October.”

“AJ we have to go. Howie’s here. Ashton you want to come to practice with us?” My brother asked me.

“Sure.”

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“Ashton, this is Nick.” Brian introduced me to a scrawny blonde boy.

“Hi.” I said cheerfully. He looked at me but didn’t say anything. What a rude boy.

The boys were learning a dance. This was going to be interesting. I wonder if any of them could dance. Howie and AJ could move. They were learning the steps quickly and did them correctly on the first try. They seemed to be enjoying the dance. Kevin was doing a pretty good job. Brian needed help. He was struggling and kept making goofy faces at me. Finally there was Nick. He was tripping over his feet. He looked frustrated. The choreographer kept yelling at him which made his dancing even worse. The spent an hour working on the same eight count. At this rate they would never finish the routine. Being a dancer, I had the steps memorized in about ten minutes.

“Take a ten minute break. When we get back, we’re moving on.” The choreographer announced and left the room. All the boys followed behind her except for Nick. He stood in front of the mirror, attempting to get the moves down.

I walked over to him. “You need some help?”

“Nah. I think I have it.” He gave me a dirty look.

“Just remember bounce bounce step bounce instead of the counts.”

“I don’t need your help.” He screeched at me. I don’t think he like me. I walked out of the room to find Kevin and Brian.

“So what do you think?”

“So far, it’s interesting. I’m not use to seeing you guys dance. I can’t wait to hear you sing.”

“We don’t have vocal practice until tomorrow.” AJ announced.

“I’ll be leaving later tonight.” I frowned.

“We’ll send you a tape of us singing.” Brian hugged me.

I was going to miss Brian a lot. I already missed Kevin a lot. Everything in my life was changing.

Life was at home was boring without Brian. I spent most of my afternoons sitting at home reading. Brian’s girlfriend, Missy helped me with colorguard tryouts. I was one of the only upcoming freshmen to make it for colorguard. I was excited about being on the squad.  In August, I would be going to band camp. Maybe I would make some friends in high school.

“Ashton, the phone’s for you.” My mom handed me the phone.

“Hello.”

“Ashy, how are you?”

“Bri. I miss you so much. I’m bored here in Lexington.”

“I’m sorry. Missy said you made the squad. Congrats!” Brian was happy Ashton had found an activity to do in high school.

“Thanks, Bri. How’s your vocal harmony group going?” I was excited to hear about his life.”

“It’s going well. We’re calling ourselves Backstreet Boys. Kevin is getting on our nerves. Your brother is so bossy.”

“No kidding. Are the other guys nice?”

“Howie’s kind of quiet. He’s always nice to everyone. Alex is unique. He’s funny, but his mouth gets him into trouble. Nick is cool. We play video games and basketball together.”

Brian sounded like he was enjoying himself in Florida. I hope he didn’t forget about me since he had all these new friends. I was all alone in Kentucky.

“They sound nice.” I whispered.

“What’s wrong, Ashy?” Brian asked concerned.

“I’m lonely Brian. I don’t have anyone to hangout with since you left.”

“I’m sorry. When school starts you’ll make lots of new friends.”

“I guess. I always thought you would be at high school with me.” I remarked sadly.

“I know. I thought I would be there during your freshman year, but this is a chance of a lifetime. I wish you would be happy for me.”

“I am happy for you and Kevin. I just feel like I’m missing it all. I got to go Brian.” I couldn’t talk to him any longer. I was ready to break down. There were tears in my eyes. I was happy for both of them. I just wanted to be a part of their lives.

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Today was my first day of high school. The summer flew by even if it was uneventful. I felt comfortable going to high school since I knew some people from the marching band.

“Morning Ashton.”

“Hey Missy. Are you excited for your senior year?” I stood beside her. Missy was beautiful. She had long blonde hair, blue eyes, and a nice smile. She was popular at school.

“Yes, but I wish Brian was here.”

“Have you talked to him lately?” We started walking down the hall.

“He called me this morning to wish me luck on my first day of school. He’s so sweet. He said the guys are going on a school tour.”

“That sounds like fun. Maybe they’ll come to Tates Creek.”

“That would be cool. What period do you have lunch?”

I looked at my schedule. “I have it fifth period.”

“So do I. I’ll save you a seat.” Missy walked into her classroom. I continued walking down the hall until I came to my classroom.

The morning dragged on. Academically I knew high school would be easy. My morning classes included U.S. History, Honors English, and French. Popularity wise, I knew I was going to have problems. A few kids from the band said hi, but other than that no one talked to me in my classes. I was still going to be a geek. I made my way to my locker and threw my books in. I grabbed my lunch and headed to the cafeteria. It was huge. I scanned the cafeteria and found Missy. Quickly I walked over.

“Hey Ashton. You have a good morning?” She smiled at me.

“It was okay.”

“I want you to meet Kiki, Jamie, Holly and Heidi. Everyone this is Ashton. She’s Brian’s cousin.” I smiled at them.

“My sister dated your brother Kevin a few years ago. She thought he was hot.” Jamie told me.

“Did you hear that Jake Simmons wants to date some freshman.”

“He’s the most popular guy in the senior class. Why would he date a freshman?” Kiki rolled her eyes.

“Who is it? I asked.

“Kelsey Worthington.”

“I heard she puts out.”

“That’s why he’s dating a freshman.” The girls laughed.

They continued to gossip. I felt out of place. I was never into girlie things like gossiping and makeup. I would have rather been reading a book. The bell rang, telling us lunch was over. I went to my next class.

The afternoon was just as uneventful as the morning. I had Algebra 2, Biology, Art and Gifted/Talented. My teachers had piled on the homework. I ended up taking all of my books home with me.

“How was your first day of high school?” My mom asked. She set a plate of cookies in front of me.

“It was ok. Nothing special happened. I have tons of homework.”

“Did you meet anyone new?”

“Yeah. Missy introduced me to her friends. They spend all their time gossiping.” I took a drink of milk.

“I talked to your brother today.”

“Which one?”

“Kevin. They are starting a school tour around the east side of the United States. There coming to Tates Creek.”

“When?” I asked excitedly.

“In October. On your birthday.”

“Mom that is so cool. I can’t wait to see him and Brian.”

“They are coming for the weekend and singing on Monday.”

“Mom you made my day. I’m going to go do my homework. Let me know when dinner’s ready.” I placed a kiss on her cheek. I grabbed my backpack and went to my bedroom.

“There going to announce the homecoming court at the pep rally today.” Kiki said as she sat down at the lunch table.

“Missy you know you’re going to be part of the court.” Jamie replied

“You think? There are so many girls in our grade.”

“Missy, you’re beautiful. I think you’ll get on the court.” I replied.

School was going well. It wasn’t great, but I was surviving. My classes were easy, and I felt bored most days. Colorguard was fun. I had made a few friends, but no one I would consider a best friend. Homecoming was coming up in two weeks. The buzz around school was who was going to be on the court. At the end of the day we were having a pep rally and finding out who was on the court. The day dragged on. I was ready to go home.

“Let’s Go Commodores Let’s Go!” Yelled the cheerleaders. The student body started screaming and cheering for the football team. I was waiting on the side of the gym waiting to perform.

“Before the band plays their last song. We’re going to announce 1993 homecoming court.” Principal Mitchell yelled over the crowd. Everyone erupted into a fit of whoops and yells.

“Hello, everyone. As senior class president, I am excited to be announcing this year’s court. Our freshman attendants are Hilary Smith and Briana Mc Connell. Come on down girls. Sophomore attendants are Sandy Choo and Megin Todd. Junior attendants are Hope Sinclair and Jenna Quinn. Senior attendants are Beth Martin and Sadie Grover. Now the moment you’ve been waiting for…drum roll please. Maid of Honor is senior Jamie Coyle and this year’s Homecoming Queen is Missy White.”

All of the girls ran to their spot in the middle of the gym. Students everyone were cheering and screaming. It was crazy. I was happy for Missy and her friend Jamie. It was exciting to know someone on the court. Though I really didn’t what all the fuss was about. No wonder I didn’t fit in here.

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(In Orlando)

“Can you believe we start touring tomorrow?” Brian asked the guys. They were taking a dinner break. The boys had been rehearsing all day for the upcoming school tour.

“It’s going to be so much fun.” Alex replied.

“I can’t wait to go home and perform for my school.”

“Kevin are you excited to go home?” Nick asked.

“Yeah. I miss my family. Lou said you can stay at mine or Brian’s house.” He opened the pizza box and took out a slice of pizza.

“Can I stay with Brian?” Nick asked eagerly. He was becoming good friends with the older boy.

“Sure. I talked to Ashton. The homecoming dance is that weekend Brian. Are you going with Missy?”

“Of course. She’s the homecoming queen. I can’t wait. Do you know if Ashton has a date?”

“No date for her. Mom says she’s having a rough time fitting in at school.”

“That sucks.”

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I was working on some notes for my history class, when the phone rang.

“Hello?”

“Hello, Ashy.”

“Bri. How are you?” I placed my notes on the floor and stretched out on the bed.

“Doing well. I can’t wait to see you in two weeks.”

“I’m so excited to see you. Missy misses you a lot. You’re all she ever talks about. Are you taking her to homecoming?”

“Yes, I’m going to the dance with her. Are you going?”

“No. I’m just a freshman Bri. No one wants to take me.” I sighed. Boys never looked my way.

“You don’t have to go with a date.” He remarked. Boys never understood. You couldn’t just go to a semi-formal dance by yourself. I was already a geek. I didn’t need to give anyone any ammunition to pick on me. It was easier to be non-existent than a girl that got picked on.

“There will be other dances. I’m not really worried about it.”

“I want you to go, so you can hang with me.” Alex grabbed the phone from Brian. Brian gave him a look.

“Hello AJ.”

“Hi AJ. Where did Brian go?”

“He had something important to do.” Alex shooed Brian away.

“Oh, so how are you?”

“Good. I heard there’s a dance coming up at your school.”

“Yeah, the homecoming dance, but I’m not going.” I told him.

“Why not?”

“I don’t have a date and it will be boring.”

“That a shame, but good news for me.”

“Why is that good news for you?” I asked curiously.

“Well, I like to dance and I don’t want to spend all my time with the guys. I thought that maybe I could escort you to your homecoming dance.” He asked sincerely. I took a minute to think about it. I hardly knew Alex, but it would be fun to go to the biggest social event of the football season.

“I would love to AJ.” I smiled.

“Great. I will pickup you up at….” He paused. Alex didn’t know what time it started.

“The dance starts at eight. You can pick me up at my house.” I told him.

“What do I need to wear?”

“It’s a semi formal. You can wear a shirt and tie. Thank you AJ.” I meant it sincerely. I really wanted to go to the dance. He made it possible.

“Your welcome, AJ. Sweet dreams.”

I placed the phone on its cradle. I was excited about the dance. I needed a dress. The dance was only two weeks away.

“MOM!!!” I screamed. She walked into my room looking a little annoyed.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scream. Can we go dress shopping this weekend?”

“Sure. What are you getting a dress for?”

“Brian and Kevin’s friend AJ is going to take me to the homecoming dance.” I smiled at her.

“That is great, Ashton. I’m so happy for you.”

We talked a few more minutes, and then my mom left. I laid down and fell into a peaceful sleep.

The sun was just starting to rise as I started to sweep the horse barn. It was Saturday, and I had to get my chores done. Tonight was the homecoming dance. I was excited especially since I had a date. It really wasn’t a date. I was going with Brian’s friend who I met once. Still, it was going to be the best night of my life.

“Hey there, peanut.” I looked up and saw my brother Jerald.

“Hey big bro. What are you doing here?”

“I told mom I would help with the horses.” He said with a goofy grin.

“I thought you came on Mondays and Thursday. I never see you on Saturdays.”

“That’s because his little sister is going to her first homecoming dance.” Tim replied walking into the barn. I rolled my eyes.

“Oh is that tonight?” He smacked Tim on the back of his head.

“You guys are so embarrassing. You really don’t need to be there.”

“We wouldn’t want to miss it.”

I continued to sweep the barn, while waiting for Tim and Jerald to take the horses to the field. I was not fond of horses. They saddled up and took Midnight and Mary Poppins for a ride. I started mucking Mary Poppins stall. I cleaned out the horse poop. Then I put fresh water and food in the stall. Then I climbed up to the hay loft. I sat down for a minute to rest. Working in the barn was hard work. I enjoyed it except for the horses.

“Ashton where are you?” Tim yelled for me.

“I’m getting hay from the loft.” I yelled back. I grab a bale of hay and threw it down. Then I got another one and did the same thing. Quickly I climbed down the ladder.

“It’s almost noon. Kevin should be here soon and you need to start getting ready for your date.” Jerald teased me.

“It’s not a date.”

“If you’re going with a guy then it’s a date.”

“It’s Not A Date!!!” I yelled and punched him in the arm.

I grabbed the hay and started putting it in the stalls. As soon as I finished I ran down to the house. When I went inside I heard voices. I saw Kevin, Howie, and Nick.

“Hey Kevy.” I gave him a hug. “Hi Howie. Hi Nick.”

“Eww what’s that smell?” Nick asked Kevin. I rolled my eyes at him.

“I was working in the barn.”

“Can you believe AJ is going out with that mess?” Nick whispered to Howie. He didn’t think I heard him. I gave him a dirty look. I did look horrible. I was wearing denim overalls, a long sleeve white t-shirt and cowboy boots. My hair was a mess; it was sticking up in all directions with a few pieces of hay in it. My face and glasses were smudged with dirt.

“Nick shut up. She can hear you.” Howie whispered back.

“Well I have to go get ready. See you later.” I dashed out of the room

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I was sitting at my vanity while my mom curled my hair.

“Mom will I ever be pretty?”

“Ashton, you’re a beautiful girl. Why would you even ask that?” I shrugged.

“I don’t know. I see all the girls at school. They are pretty and boys like them.”

“Ashton, it’s what’s on the inside that counts. True beauty isn’t about looks.”

“That may be so, but mom high school is about how you look on the outside.”

“You’ve never worried about this before. Why now?”

“I hear what people say about me. I’m the geek or the weird girl. Everyone has a comment about me. I just get tired of it.” I said sadly.

“Do you like who you are?” My mom asked me.

“Yes, I do. It’s just hard to be different than everyone else. I just wish I was like everybody else sometimes. I want to go out on dates and have boyfriends.”

“That will come with time. Myaybe something will happen between you and Alex.” She smiled at me as she clipped up my hair in a fancy barrette.

“Mom, he’s Kevin’s friend. He just felt sorry for me, so he asked me out. Mom, my hair looks so pretty. Thank you.” I kissed her on the cheek and went to put on my dress.

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I could hear the voices in the living room. For some reason I was nervous. I guess it was because no one has seen me all dressed up. Slowly I walked down the stairs and walked into the living room.

“Hello.” My brothers turned around.

“Wow!”

“Ashton you look fantastic!” Kevin whistled at me. I gave him a smile.

“Are you sure you’re my little sister? Jerald teased me.

“Hi Ashton. You look beautiful tonight. I got this corsage for you.” I held my arm out and Alex put it on my wrist.

“Ashton you look very pretty in that dress.” Howie complimented me. I was wearing a dark purple dress with a chiffon skirt that went to my knees.

“Sweetheart, look how those boys complimented you. You are just as beautiful on the outside as you are on the inside.” My mom whispered in my ear. It made me smile.

“Hopefully she doesn’t smell like she did earlier. That was so gross. At least she fixed her hair and put clean clothes on.” Nick blurted out. My good mood was ruined. Why did this boy think he could say mean things to me? He didn’t even know me.

“Nick that was uncalled for.” Kevin glared at Nick.

“Sorry.” He looked at his shoes. He was startled by how she changed since earlier in the day.

“Ignore him. He’s not worth it, Ashton. He just jealous he’s not old enough to date.” Alex whispered in my ear. I smiled. Alex was going to be a great friend.

Brian and Missy walked into the living room. She looked beautiful in her blue dress. I wished I could look like that.

“Ashton, I didn’t recognize you. You look stunning.”

“Thanks Bri.”

We posed for pictures and got ready to leave.

“Don’t put any moves on my sister or you’re a dead man.” Jerald yelled as we walked out the door.

The dance was nothing like I pictured it to be. My imagination had always gotten the better of me. The gym was decorated in burgundy streamers and balloons. Basically it was tacky. The senior class didn’t go such a great job on this dance.

Alex and I sat at a table. A few people were dancing, but mostly everyone was making out. I felt a little embarrassed about the whole thing. I haven’t even kissed a boy yet. I didn’t like watching other people swap spit.

“Alex thank you for taking me to the dance.”

“Your welcome. I’m having a good time.”

“Really?” I gave him a strange look.

“Yes, besides everyone making out.  It’s been fun.”

A Whole New World from Aladdin came over the speakers. I loved that song, especially since my brother was Aladdin at Disney. I pulled Alex up.

“Let’s dance.”

He took my arms and placed them around his neck. We swayed to the beat of the music. So, this is what it felt like to slow dance with a guy. I was enjoying it. I didn’t feel like a geek when I was with Alex. He accepted me for who I am.

Alex quietly sang as we danced. Soon the song ended. A fast one came on and we continued to dance. Alex was a great dancer. I was ok. Sure, I could do ballet and tap, but freestyle dancing not so much. We continued to dance and have fun.

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Alex walked me to the porch. We sat on the porch swing for a few minutes.

“I had a really nice time tonight. It was my first dance.”

“So did I Ashton.” Alex moved in closer to me. He quickly placed his lips on mine. I attempted to kiss him back. He broke the kiss.

We both stared at each other for a moment. I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t feel anything in his kiss.

“Ummm….I’m sorry Ashton. I didn’t mean it.” Alex started at his shoes.

“That’s okay.” I looked at him and started to laugh.

“Did you feel anything when you kissed me?” He asked me seriously.

“Not really. It was like kissing my brother.” We both started to laugh. I liked Alex a lot, but not in that way. He was going to be a good friend.

“Gee thanks. You’re a cool girl. I had a great time.”

We both walked in the house. I went upstairs to my room and Alex went to the den where he was spending the night.

“How was the dance AJ?” Nick asked sleepily.

“It was a lot fun. Ashton’s pretty cool.”

“She is?”

“Yes, Nick she is. What’s your problem?”

“Nothing. Did you kiss her?”

“That is none of your business.” AJ put his pajamas on and got into his sleeping bag.

“I was just curious, if you could feel her braces when you kissed.”

“Nick your just jealous because you can’t get a girl to kiss you. You’re too young to date and kiss girls.”

“I am not. I wouldn’t date or kiss Ashton if she was the last girl on earth.” Nick replied adamantly.

“I don’t think she would want to kiss you.”

“Fine. I think she’s stupid and ugly.”

Nick you have problems. No girl would want to date you. Ashton’s a nice girl. You shouldn’t be saying things about her. Kevin will kick your ass.”

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I sat at my desk with my journal open. I was writing about my night.

            Tonight I went to my first dance. It was nothing like I expected. I found it rather boring. Don’t get me wrong I had a lot of fun with Alex, but I didn’t get the hype. I guess I wasn’t your typical girl. Alex kissed me, but I didn’t feel that spark you see on romantic movies. Alex felt the same. We laughed about it. Without Alex, I don’t think I would have had such a great time. I didn’t spend much time with Brian. He was busy with his girlfriend. She was homecoming queen and had to socialize with the whole student body.

            It was nice seeing my brother. I missed him when he’s away. I mean I hardly get to see him. Most of his new friends seem nice. There is one in particular though, that I can’t stand. Nick is just an annoying pest. He is always giving me dirty looks and saying rude things to me or about me. What is up with that? I don’t even know the twerp. He’s met me twice and has given me an attitude both times. If he does it again, I’m gonna smack him. Nick thinks he’s soooo cool.  I could easily beat him up. I’m a good five inches taller than him. Plus I’ve had practice fighting my older tougher brothers. I’ll punch him right in the gut, and he’ll fall to the floor in pain. Don’t mess with me Nick Carter. You will regret it.

            Well, I better get to bed. I have church in the morning. I wonder if my mom will make Kevin and his friends go. I know Brian will be there. He never misses church. His mom would tan his hide if he didn’t go to church. I wasn’t allowed to miss church either. I hoped my mom made them go. I think God needs to teach Nick how to be kind and not hurt other people’s feelings.

I closed my journal and placed it in the desk drawer. I got into bed and stretched out. I had one of the best evenings in my life. I fell into a peaceful sleep.

“Good afternoon Tates Creek High!” Brian shouted into his microphone. The crowd went wild.

“We’re going to entertain you today with some music. Sit back and relax.”

The crowd got quiet and the music started. I was excited to see the guys perform. They started dancing. I was impressed with how much they improved. Even Nick was doing the steps correctly. The crowd cheered and applauded after each song.

“Well, we heard there’s a special girl with a birthday in the audience. Ashton Richardson can you please come down here?”

I was so embarrassed. Slowly I walked down the bleachers and stood in front of my whole school.

“This special girl is my favorite cousin. Let’s all sing happy birthday to her.”

The guys and the whole school sang to me. My face was the brightest shade of tomato red. When they finished each of the guys gave me hugs including Nick. Though I’m sure I now have his cooties. I know I was being immature, but I didn’t care.

“We’re going to slow this down a bit. I need a pretty girl to sing to.” Nick said. He pointed to Missy and she pushed me out onto the floor. I was going to kill her.

Nick grabbed my hands in his and started to sing.

“Lying beside you, here in the dark…feeling you heartbeat with mine”

This was pure torture. I didn’t want Nick to sing to me. I couldn’t believe I was being tortured with having him sing a love song to me. I noticed Alex leaning against the wall smirking. It wasn’t funny. I was disgusted. I gave Nick the death look, and he pretended to like me.

“So now I come to you, with open arms.”

At this point, Nick was kneeling in front of me. This wasn’t romantic. It was cheesy. I towered over the boy when standing. He looked like a munchkin next to me.

Finally the song ended. He let go of my hands and I ran out of the gym. I was going to kill Missy for forcing me up there. I was going to kill Brian and Kevin for joining this stupid group. I wanted to run away.

Everyone started coming into the halls. I hid in the bathroom. I didn’t want to deal with the world. When the last school bell rang, I made my way to my locker.

“Ashton is everything ok?”

“No Missy it’s not. I can’t believe you pushed me out there.”

“I thought you would enjoy having Nick serenade you.” She looked at me.

“That boy hates me. He hasn’t said one nice thing to me since we met.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know. I just thought you would look cute together.” I laughed at her.

“He’s such a little shrimp with a whiny voice.”

“You’re such a bitch.”

I turned around and saw Nick standing there. He looked like he was ready to cry.

“I’m not a bitch. You think you’re so cool. You’ve been a jerk since I met you.”

“I think you’re a snob. You act like your better than everyone else. Ashton, I think you are ugly. No wonder you have no friends.” He shouted and ran down the hall.

“That boy has some nerve.” My lip started to quiver and tears ran down my cheeks. I don’t know what I did to deserve this kind of treatment from someone who barely knew me.

Missy put her arm around me and tried to comfort me. Nothing helped.

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 I sat at the table quietly eating dinner. My mom and Aunt Jackie prepared the boys a home cooked meal before they left later that night.

“Ashton, you’re quiet tonight.” My brother asked me.

“I’m fine. I just don’t feel like talking.”

“Thank goodness.”

“Nick, shut up.” Brian warned.

“You shut up.” He rolled his eyes.

“Nick, if you are going to be rude, I suggest you leave the table.” I told him wishing he would leave.

“Then I guess you would have to leave, also.”

“Would you both stop? I feel like I’m in grade school. If you can’t say anything nice, don’t talk.” Kevin reprimanded us.

“Fine.” I got up from the table and went outside.

The cool wind felt good on my face. I didn’t understand anything anymore. My life was horrible. I didn’t have any true friends. Sure, I had Brian and Kevin and maybe Alex, but they were all leaving tonight. Then there was Nick. What was his problem? I knew that many people did not like me, but they chose to ignore me. He wanted to say mean things and hurt me. I didn’t get it. I never felt so alone in my life.

“Sis, what is wrong?”

“I’m all alone.” I turned to look at Kevin.

“That’s not true.”

“It is Kevin. I have no friends at school. You and Brian live far away. Alex is almost a friend, but he’s not here enough to make a friendship last. Nick hates me for no reason. I’m ugly and weird.”

“Ashton, I’m sorry that I moved so far from you. I’m trying to pursue my dreams. I’d want you to do the same. Even though I’m not in Kentucky, you can call me anytime. I don’t know what is up with Nick. He’s thirteen and he’s a moody teenager. I would just ignore him.” I nodded my head.

“Kevin, I’m glad you’re pursuing your dreams. I feel like I don’t even have dreams. I’m the invisible girl at school.”

“You’re going to be a knock out some day. Right now you are going through that awkward stage. You are going to be the girl with the long legs to die for. You have amazing green eyes and a smile that could charm any guy. You are going to blossom into a gorgeous woman. I’m just glad it isn’t right now. I don’t want to have to fight all those boys off of you.”

“I hope so Kevy. I want to be pretty. Thanks.” I gave my brother a hug. Someday I was going to be the envy of all the girls and guys from school.

Life was not the same after Kevin and Brian left. I didn’t want to go to school. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I wanted to stay home and wallow in my pity. I knew my mom was concerned. She kept asking me if I was okay. I told her I fine, but I knew she was on to the fact that something was wrong.

“Mom, I don’t feel well. Can I stay home today?” I asked groggily.

My mom felt my head and took my temperature. The thermometer read 100.1.

“Go back to bed.” My mom pointed to the upstairs.

I slowly walked to my room and got back into bed. I placed the covers over my head and tried to ignore the empty feeling in my heart.

School was horrible. I didn’t care about my grades. I stopped doing homework and studying for tests. My grades fell, but my mom didn’t know. She would be upset when she saw my report card.

I spent the whole day in bed. I didn’t do anything but lay there thinking about my horrible life. I had no friends, even though I tried. Missy had stopped talking to me after Brian broke-up with her. At lunch, I would go to the library because I nobody to sit with. Brian and Kevin were busy, so they didn’t call as much as they promised. Alex called once a week for a few minutes. I was the loneliest girl in the world.

“How are you feeling, Ashton?” My mom brought in a tray with dinner.

“Crappy.”

“I got your report card today. I don’t know what to say.” She sat down at my desk.

“How bad was it?” I couldn’t look at my mom. She was going make me talk about what was wrong. I didn’t want to.

“Honors English C, French B, Biology D, Art B, Algebra 2 F, U.S. History C, Gifted/Talented F. You’re GPA is 1.57.”

“Oh.”

“What is wrong? This isn’t like you Ashton. You’ve always cared about your grades.”

“Why does it matter? It’s not like its going to make me friends. I’m smart who cares.”

“Ashton your grades matter. You have always been proud of your grades. I’m proud of how smart you are. I’m proud of how talented you are. You are a brilliant dancer. You’re a mature young woman, but these last few weeks you given up on living.” My mom looked concerned. I saw the worry in her eye, and I didn’t like that I was causing it.

“Mom no one in this family understands. Tim, Kevin, and Jerald have always been popular. Everyone likes them. They are smart, handsome, funny, and cool. I’m the completed opposite. Sure, I’m smart. That’s where it ends for me.  I’m not pretty or funny. I’m definitely not cool. I have no friends in Tates Creek. Even Missy stopped talking to me.” I informed my mother.

“Alex is your friend. Plus, Brian and you are as close as any cousins could be.”

“I KNOW THAT, BUT THEY LIVE IN FREAKING ORLANDO, FLORIDA.” I screamed.

“There’s no need to yell at me.” My mom said quietly.

“I haven’t talked to Brian in two weeks. I hear from Alex once a week for about ten minutes. It’s not the same as having a friend living down the road. It’s just not enough.” I broke down sobbing. My mom pulled me into a hug. I continued to sob in her chest.

“I’m sorry Ashton. I wish I could make everyone be your friend. These people don’t know what they’re missing out on.”

“I just want to move to Florida. I hate living here.” I continued to cry until I fell asleep. Ann placed the covers on her daughter and kissed her goodnight. She prayed things would get better for her youngest child.

------------------------------------------

Ann knew she had to do something. Her daughter was having a rough time at the moment. Her heart was breaking. She was trying to come up with a solution to make things better for Ashton. The phone pulled her out of her thoughts.

“Hello.”

“Hey mom. How are you?”

“I’m okay.” Kevin could hear the sadness in her voice. He prayed that nothing was wrong.

“When was the last time you talked to your sister?”

“About a week ago. Why?”

“How did she act?”

“She seemed happy. She was talking about school and some project she was working on with her friends at school.”

“She told you she had friends?” Ann asked in disbelief.

“Yeah. She said she made some friends in her study hall. There names were Brenna and Allie.”

“Kevin your sister’s been lying to you. She doesn’t have any friends named Brenna and Allie. She says her only friends are Brian and Alex.”

“Why would she make that up?”

“She’s been depressed and lonely. Kevin, I don’t know what to do. She’s failing school and mopes around the house. She tells me she hates it here.” Ann didn’t know what to do for her daughter.

“Mom, is there anything I can do?”

“I think she needs to get away from Lexington for a while. Do you think she could stay with you for a few weeks?”

“I think that could work. I will be rehearsing a lot of the time, but she is more than welcome to come with me. It might do her some good to be with her friends.”

“Thank you, Kevin. I will set up everything and let you know the details. I can’t keep letting her go down this path. I thought it was a phase when your dad died, but I think she needs to be where she feels accepted by other people.”

“I agree mom. Nia needs to use the phone. Call me when you have details for me. Give Ashton a kiss for me. I love you.”

Kevin was waiting for me at the airport. I was happy to be coming to stay with him in Florida. I didn’t feel so lonely anymore.

“Hello Ashton.”

“Hi Kevin. I’m glad to be here.” I smiled at him. He grabbed my duffle bag and we headed out of the airport.

“Me, too. I have rehearsal in about an hour. Would you like to go? Nia will be there, and you can meet her.”

“Sounds like fun. I can’t wait to see Brian and Alex.”

We arrived at the warehouse where the guys practiced. We’re early. Kevin has a thing about being punctual. Curiosity got the best of me, so I started snooping around. There wasn’t much to see.  All I cared about what seeing my friends.

The loneliness started already started to drift away. I felt comfortable instead of stressed out. I didn’t think about my geekiness. I felt normal.

“Ashton.”

“Alex.” I ran to hug and gave him a bear hug.

“It’s great to see you.”

“I’m going to be in Orlando for three weeks.”

“You’re here.” Nick commented rudely. He stood there with an attitude.

“Do you have a problem with it?” I asked him in a snotty tone. This boy got on my very last nerve.

“What if I do?”

“Then you have a problem because I’m here for the next three weeks, shrimp.” I could see him getting angrier by the minute, especially when I teased him about his height.

“At least I’m not the jolly green giant.”

“Loser.”

“Four eyes.”

“Dork.”

“Geek.”

“ENOUGH! Would the two of you stop? Can you please get along so Kevin doesn’t yell at us?” Alex pleaded.

“Fine. I’m sorry Nick.” I apologized, but didn’t mean it.

“Yeah me, too.” He stared at the ground while apologizing. He wasn’t being very sincere.

The other guys arrived and practice got started. I watched as they sang and danced. That Lou guy was creeping me out. He was big, fat, and totally gross. All he did was sweat. I stayed as far away from him as possible.

“Hi.” A pretty woman sat down next to me. “I’m Nia. You must be Ashton.”

“Nice to meet you, Nia. Kevin’s told me a lot about you.” Nia was stunning. She looked like a model. Her long wavy blonde hair flowed to the middle of her back. She had bright blue eyes and a friendly smile. Nia was tall and had the perfect figure. Yes, I was obsessed with how other people looked. Being the ugly duckling I was, I dreamed of looking beautiful someday.

“Are you excited to be in Florida?”

“Yes. I get to be with all my friends.” I smiled.

“There a nice group of guys.” I nodded my head. I agreed with her with the exception of the little blond shrimp. He hasn’t been nice yet.

We continued to watch the boys. They were dancing and all of a sudden Nick tripped and knocked Howie over. We couldn’t help but laugh. It was so comical. Nick got up and gave me a dirty look. I stuck my tongue out at him. He stuck his tongue out at me. I took my left hand, made the loser sign at him and laughed. He shot me the middle finger.

“Nick, stop it. That’s rude.” Kevin barked at him.

“She started it.” He pointed to me. I just smiled and looked innocent.

“Nick, she’s sitting there not doing a thing.” Kevin was getting irritated.

“Fine.”

Practice continued with Nick and me ignoring each other.

--------------------------------------

“I can’t believe you got Nick in trouble.” Alex laughed. We were eating ice cream at some local dairy delite.

“He deserved it. I can’t stand him.”

“I think the feeling is mutual. I’m glad you are here.”

“Me, too. Things at back at home have been rough.”

“I could something was wrong the last time we talked, but I knew you wouldn’t say anything. I should have asked you.”

“It’s hard for me to open up to people. It’s been like that since my dad died. I put up a wall and don’t let people in. It got worse as I got older.”

“You can’t go hiding from life. There is so much to see and do. The world has so much to offer.”

“I know, but it’s harder when you feel like the loneliest person in the world. Plus everyone kept leaving me. My dad, Kevin, Brian, even you.”  I was being honest with Alex.

“I never thought of it that way. I see your point. Your one of my closest friends, I’ll never leave you.”

“Thanks. Let’s talk about something fun.”

(Meanwhile at another table)

“Your cousin is so annoying.”

“She’s really a cool person. You both got off to a rough start.” Nick rolled his eyes.

“Brian, she got me in trouble today. I’m trying to keep Kevin from yelling at me day after day. He was just starting to leave me be. Then she comes along and gets me in trouble.”

“You should have just ignored her.” Brian laughed. He thought Nick and I were being childish.

“She shouldn’t have laughed at me. Then I wouldn’t have to bother her.”

“Ashton really bothers you, doesn’t she?”

“Yes. She started on me as soon as I got to practice.”

“Aww, poor wittle Nicky getting picked on by a girl.” Brian teased him. Why did Nick even bother? He was tired of being the youngest member of the group.

“Alex, I’m soooo bored.” I sat on his couch flipping through one of his mom’s magazines.

“Well, we have to wait until everyone gets here.”

“Who’s all coming?”

“Brian, Nick, and Sage.” He took the magazine from my hand and placed it on the coffee table.

“Why does Nick have to come?”

“He’s my friend. Why do you hate him?”

“I don’t hate him.” How could I explain it to Alex? “He just really annoys me. He’s childish.”

The door bell rang. Alex went to see who had arrived.  A minute later, a blonde haired girl followed him into the living room.

“Hi, I’m Sage. You must be Ashton. Alex talks about you nonstop.”

“Hi. It’s nice to meet you.”

A few minutes later Brian and Nick arrived. We were hanging out at Alex’s house. Howie and Kevin were double dating, so us teenagers decided to hang out.

“So, what do you want to do?” I asked everyone. I was tired of watching Brian and Nick play video games. They would do it all night if you let them.

“Yeah, it’s boring watching you.”

“Shut up Sage.” Brian stuck his tongue out at her. She got up and turned the game system off.

“What the hell?” Nick huffed. I liked this girl a lot. She didn’t give a crap about offending the boys.

“I know what we can do. Let’s play truth or dare.” Sage suggested.

“I’m in.” Alex announced and flopped down on the couch next to me.

“Me, too.” Brian agreed.

“Umm…sure.” I said. I had never played truth of dare, so I was a little nervous. I had heard some crazy stories about this game.

“Nick, you playing?” He looked more nervous than I did. He squirmed in his seat and then nodded his head.  I kind of felt sorry for him.

“I’ll start. Brian truth or dare?” Alex asked him.

“Dare.”

“I dare you to smell the feet of everyone in the room and rank them from best to worst.”

Brian walked over to me and sniffed my feet. Then he moved to Sage. He picked up Nick’s foot and made a horrific face. That caused me to giggle. Finally he came to Alex and his face looked like it was distorted in pain. “Well from best to worst goes Sage, Ashton, Alex, and Nick. Your feet really stink. Ashton, truth or dare?

“Truth.”

“Name one person in the room you would least like to be stuck with on a desert island.  Why?”

“That’s easy. Nick. He’s annoying and would whine the whole time. I would have to stick a sock in his mouth to shut him up.” He glared at me. I just smiled back at him. “Alex it’s your turn. Truth or dare?”

“Dare.”

“I dare you to pretend to be the person on your right for 10 minutes.”

“Is practice over yet? I’m tired. I just want to play video games. I didn’t dooooo anything, Kevin.” Alex said in a whiny voice. We all started laughing except Nick. He imitated Nick perfectly.

“It’s not funny. I don’t sound that way.” He complained.

“Listen to yourself. That’s just what you sound like.” I told him. He pouted for a moment.

“Truth or dare, Sage?”

“Dare.”

“Kiss Brian.” She scooted closer to Brian and gave him a quick peck on the lips.

“Okay, Nicky. Truth or dare?”

“Truth.”

“What is one annoying habit of each person in the room?”

“Brian you always bite your nails. AJ, have way too much energy during dance rehearsals. Sage, you talking way to fast. Ashton everything about you is annoying, from the way you talk to the way you walk and everything in between.”

“You’re an asshole, Nick. I find you just as annoying.”

The game continued on with each of us doing some pretty silly things or answering stupid questions. I was having a great time. I finally knew what it was like to have friends. Finally, it was my turn again.

“Truth or dare?”

“I’ll take a dare this time.”

Alex thought about it for a moment. I was a scared to see what he was going to make me do. “I dare you to sit on Nick’s lap for the rest of the game.”

I gave him the dirtiest look I could make. I didn’t want to do it, but at least I could make Nick’s life miserable. Nick looked pissed. I saw him flick off Alex. Quickly I sat down on Nick’s lap.

“Brian, truth or dare.”

“Truth.”

As I thought about a question to ask Brian, I continued to wiggle around on Nick’s lap. I was having fun with my dare. “When did you have your first kiss?”

“I was 12 and it was with Jenny Maxwell.”

All of a sudden Nick pushed me off his lap and ran out of the room. I sat there stunned. What was his problem? Brian and Alex looked at each other and started to laugh.

“What is so funny?”

“I think you gave little Nicky a hard on from all that wiggling you were doing.” Alex couldn’t contain his laughter. I thought about it for a moment. They had to be lying. I couldn’t have given Nick a hard on. Eww!!!! My face turned at least three shades of red. I wasn’t in to playing the game anymore. I stood up and went into the kitchen to get a drink.

“Why did you leave the room Nicky?” Alex was teasing him.

“Shut up.”

“Did you have your first hard on from a girl?”

“Shut up, AJ.” Nick said getting angrier by the minute.

“Did it turn you on?”

“Go to hell, Alex. I hate you.” Nick ran out of the apartment slamming the door.

I had overheard the conversation. Poor Nick, I felt bad for him. Alex didn’t need to pick on Nick. I was just as embarrassed about the situation as Nick was. I didn’t try to do that to him. I just thought wiggling around on his lap would annoy him. It just made things worse.

Being in Florida makes me happy. I could stay here forever. I can’t think about going back to Lexington. It makes me physically ill. For the first time, I have real friends. I laugh and have fun with other people. I’m not only friends with the guys. I met a girl through Alex. Her name is Sage. She’s a lot of fun. Today I am going to hang out with Sage. The boys have a performance in Tampa.

Nick is still mad at everyone about the Truth or Dare game. It didn’t help that Alex told everyone about Nick’s little issue. I feel bad about it. If I had known that I would cause that, I wouldn’t have done it. I was embarrassed. I didn’t even know I could do that to a guy. Like I said before, I’m kind of a social misfit. Though lately, I don’t feel that way as much.

 I set my pen down and closed my journal. I was getting ready to spend the day at Sage’s.

“Ashton, are you ready?”

“Yes, Kevin.”

I grabbed my bag and head out to the car.

“You seem so happy.”

“Kevin, I love it here. It’s beautiful. I have friends. Can I move in with you for good?”

“Wow. You want to leave Kentucky? I thought you loved it there.”

“I hate it there. I have no friends. I’m miserable in Kentucky. It’s like I can be me in Orlando and everyone is okay with that. In Lexington, I had to be like everyone else in order to be liked. It wasn’t worth it. I’m able to be geeky and my friends accept that. I can’t go back there. I know it’s a huge responsibility Kevin. I promise to stay out of your way and do anything you ask of me.”

“Let me talk to mom about it.”

-------------------------------------------------

“You need a makeover. I mean you are pretty in a dorky kind of way. Just think what you would look like if I made you over.”

“I don’t know Sage. I’m….kind of….okay…with how I look.” I lied to her. It wasn’t that I wanted to continue to look like a geek, but I was afraid of changing who I was. I have been a geek since I was about eleven. Would I really be able to change my outward look and be the same person on the inside? I remember having a similar conversation with my mom the night of the homecoming dance.

“Well can I at least fix your hair and make-up? I have an idea. Let’s make ourselves over and go to the show tonight and see if any of the guys recognize you.”

“Okay, why not.”

“What’s your prescription?”

“For what?”

“For your glasses?”

“Negative 3.75.”

“I’ll be back.” Sage ran out of the room. I had no clue what she was doing. Why would she need my eyeglass prescription?

Moments later she appeared with a box of contact lenses. “Here, put these in. My dad is an optometrist. We have a bunch of contacts lying around the house.” She threw the boxes at me.

An hour later, I was a whole new girl. My green eyes were more noticeable with the contacts. Sage cut my hair into layers and then curled it. I had on so much make-up, but it looked natural. I was impressed. She dressed me up in a pair of jeans and a cute flannel shirt. I looked in the mirror and saw a different person. I still saw the old me, but the new me was shining through. I loved it. I felt more confident than I had ever in the past. It was a new start for me.

“Wow! Thank you Sage. You did a great job. I’m actually pretty.” I gave her a hug.

“You are welcome. You were always a beauty. You just chose to hide it. I’m jealous of those long legs. You ready to go?” I grabbed my purse and we headed out to Tampa.

----------------------------------------------------------------

The concert was awesome. The guys had improved tremendously since their performance at Tates Creek. Brian was finally getting the dances moves down. Nick’s voice wasn’t as whiny. I thought they were awesome. Afterwards they were signing autographs. Sage and I decided to go bother them.

“Hey boys.”  Sage said.

“Hey. What are you two doing here?” Kevin asked in surprise.

“We came to watch the show. Am I in trouble?” I asked. I didn’t want to make Kevin angry.

“No. I was just curious.” Then he looked at me. “Whoa! Ashton, you look beautiful.”

“Thanks. Sage made me over.”

The other guys looked my way, except Nick. He glanced at me and put his head down. He was pretending to act busy with the stuff on the table. What a weirdo?

“You clean up nice, cuz.”

“I didn’t even recognize you, Ashton. Very pretty.”

“You look gorgeous.” Howie smiled at me.

“Thanks.” I started to blush. I wasn’t use to all this attention. It felt good.

“The concert was great.”

“You guys improve so much since I first saw you perform.”

We continued talking and hanging out. Everyone was talking and laughing, except Nick. He sat at the table quietly, ignoring all of us.

“Nick, come join us.” Sage yelled at him.

“No thanks, my mom will be here soon to get me.”

“What’s his problem?” I whispered to Alex.

“I don’t know. He was fine to you showed up.”

“Do you think he’s still upset about the dare?” I noticed Nick looking at me. He turned his head when I looked at him.

“Nah. We’ve already found something else to pick on him about.” Alex gave me a hug. Nick stared at us for a moment and quickly looked away. Boys, I didn’t understand them.

Kevin, Nia and I were sitting at the table eating breakfast. I would be going home in two days, not that I wanted to go back.  I was happy in Orlando. Sage was becoming my best friend. I was finally becoming the person I wanted to be.

“Ashton, I talked to mom.”

“Yeah.” I said in anticipation. I hoped he convinced her to let me stay in Orlando.

“We discussed the option of you moving down here for good.”

“What did mom say?”

“She said that you have to back to Kentucky.” He said seriously. My heart felt like it was breaking. “After Christmas you can come back to Florida for good.”

I jumped out of my seat and hugged Kevin. I was never so happy in my entire life. “Thank you, Kevin. I’m going to go call mom.

“Hi Mom. Kevin told me the news. Thank you.” I said into the phone.

“You’re welcome honey. I’m going to miss you so much.”

“Mom, I’m going to miss you, too. Thanks for understanding why it’s important for me to live in Florida. I don’t think I could take living in Lexington. Everything feels right when I’m here. I have friends and they like me for me.”

“All I want is your happiness. I can hear it in your voice. Kevin told me about your makeover. You’ve truly blossomed in the past few weeks. I want to continue to see you grow to be a wonderful young woman.”

“I will mom. I love you.”

---------------------------------------------------

THE NEXT DAY

I didn’t tell anyone that I was moving to Orlando in January. I wanted to wait until right before I left. Tonight Kevin and Nia were throwing me a party to say goodbye. Sage and the guys were hanging out in the living room. I was in the kitchen helping Nia with snacks.

“Nia, I’m so excited to be living with you.”

“It’s going to be a lot of fun especially when Kevin is traveling.”

I grabbed a bowl of chips and a bottle of soda. As I walked into the living room, I tripped over a pair of shoes. The bowl of chips went flying as I fell onto Nick who was sitting on the floor.

“Ouch.” I couldn’t move.

“GET OFF ME!!!” Nick yelled. I quickly got myself back on my feet. My face was bright red.

“You okay?” Alex came over.

“Yeah.”

“Watch where you’re going you big klutz.” Nick said and moved to the couch.

“It was an accident.” I told Alex. I started picking up the chips. Nick made me so mad. He acted like I meant to fall on top of him. I don’t think he liked me.

Everyone seemed to be having a good time. Kevin and Howie were chatting. Nick and Brian were playing video games. Sage and Nia were gossiping.

“I’m going to miss you so much. I wish you could stay.”

“I know, Alex. I wish I could, too. I hate the thoughts of going back to Kentucky. I don’t fit in there.”

Alex embraced me. We sat there hugging each other.

“Its game time!” announced Sage. She loved playing games. “Everyone sit in a circle.”

We followed her directions. Then she passed out ten straws to each of us.

“What are we playing?” Howie asked.

“The game is Never Have I Ever. We’ll take turns saying something we’ve never down. If you have done something, you put your straw in the middle. The person with the last straw is the winner. I’ll go first. Never have I ever gone fishing.” Kevin, Nick, Brian, and I placed a straw in the middle.

“Never have I ever kissed a boy.” Alex smirked. Nia, Sage, and I threw straws in.

“Never have I ever been in a singing group.” All the boys placed a straw in the middle of the circle.

About a half an hour later Kevin, Howie, Nia, Sage, and Alex were out of the game. Brian had three straws left. Nick and I both had five straws left. My goal was to win. I definitely wanted to beat Nick.

“Never have I ever laughed until something I drank came out of my nose.” Brian replied looking at me. I threw my straw in and Nick did the same.

“My turn. Never have I ever stayed in a hotel.” The boys threw their straws in the pile.

“Never have I ever gone to high school.” I glared at Nick and threw my straw in the middle. It accidently hit him and he raised his eyebrow at me. I smiled at him.

“Never have I ever worn a dress.”  I threw another straw in. I was going to get Brian out.

“Never have I ever driven a car.”

“I’m out.” Brian laughed.

It was Nick and I played. I was going to beat him at this game. We continued to play the game. Nick was actually pretty good at this game. He spent time thinking about what things he could get me on. I was trying to trick him just as much. We were both competitive. Both of us had one straw left. Everyone was watching closely to see who was going to win.

“Never have I ever kissed AJ.” Nick said with a giant smirk on his face. I threw my straw in the pile. I was getting ready to congratulate Nick.

“Ha ha ha. I won. I beat you. In your face.” Nick jumped up and started screaming.

“Nick it’s a game. Chill out.”

“I beat you. You’re just jealous cause I won.”

“Get over yourself twerp. It’s a game. You didn’t win a prize.”

“My prize was beating you.” He laughed.  I was not going to fight with a thirteen year old.

“Whatever Nick. Congrats on winning the game.” I smiled and walked away. He looked shocked, but gave me the look of death. I walked into the kitchen laughing.

January had finally arrived, and I had moved to Florida. I was slowly unpacking my stuff. Kevin was busy will rehearsals and performance. Nia and I were on our own a lot. Today I was starting school again. I was going to be tutored with Alex and Nick.

“Good morning you must be Ashton. I’m Mitch. I’ll be teaching you.”

“It’s nice to meet you.” I sat down at the table. Nick was working on math problems. He was concentrating so hard, he didn’t even realize I was there.

“Hi Nick. What are you working on?”

“Math problems.”

“You need any help?” I asked nicely.

“Nah. I think I got it.” He continued to work, erasing his paper every three seconds. Nick got frustrated and threw his pencil down.

“What are you stuck on?”

“I’m getting stuck on reducing the fraction.” I grabbed his paper and took a look at the problem. This was simple.

“Nick you need to divide the numerator and denominator by three. That will put in lowest terms.”

“Okay.” Nick got back to work solving the problems. “Is the answer two thirds?”

“Yes it is.” I smiled at him. We were actually being nice to each other.

Nick looked at me and smiled. He quickly gave me a kiss on the cheek. “Thanks for helping me.”

“What’s going on here, little Nicky?” AJ laughed. Nick’s face turned bright red. He was embarrassed because Alex saw him kissing me.

“Nothing.” He grumbled and left the room.

“Ashton what is up with you and Nicky?”

“Umm…nothing. I was helping him with math. He thanked me and kissed me on the cheek. It’s the first time we’ve been nice to each other.”

“Aww its love.” AJ teased.

“Shut up. It’s not anything. You embarrassed him.”

--------------------------------------

“Nicky and Ashton sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g.” AJ sang loudly.

“Shut up.”

“It’s love.”

“I said shut up.” Nick’s voice rose.

“Who’s in love?’Brian asked as he put his sneakers on.

“Nicky’s in love.”

“I am not!” He glared at AJ.

“Who’s the lucky girl?” Kevin asked.

“NO ONE! I AM NOT IN LOVE!” Nick screamed and went inside the dance studio. The other boys just watched him leave.

“What’s his problem?” AJ said innocently as he leaned against the wall.

“I think he’s annoyed with you AJ.” Howie stated the obvious.

“What did I do?”

“Anyways. Who’s Nick like?”

“Ashton.”

“Ashton?” Kevin questioned.

“Isn’t obvious. The way he is constantly fighting with her all the time. The way he acts weird when she’s around. I don’t think he realizes that’s why he’s acting that way.”

“Well, you are the romantic one D. I get what you’re saying.”

“Ahh young love. I don’t think Ashton feels the same.” Kevin replied. He knew his sister didn’t like Nick in that way.

“Nick kissed her today.”

“He did what?” Brian stood up.

“It was only on the cheek. He was thanking her for helping him with math.”

“Ahh….so this is why you’re saying he’s in love with her.”

“Let’s go boys. It’s time for practice.” Fatima yelled at them. They all rushed into the studio where Nick was warming up.

---------------------------------------

            Today was a weird day. I started tutoring with Nick and Alex. The work was easy, and I got bored. Alex goofed around a lot. Nick seemed to be frustrated, especially when it came to math. I honestly felt bad for him. He almost wore a hole in the paper from erasing so much. I offered to help him, and he let me. I was surprised because all we do is fight. Why? I don’t know why, we just do. Anyways, I helped him with his math problem. He thanked me by kissing my on the cheek. It surprised me. I thought a thank you would have been good enough. Most boys don’t kiss girls when they help them with school work. Nick is odd, I won’t lie. He is not like Kevin, Brian, or Alex. Heck, he’s not even like Howie. He seems so young to me. Well Alex saw him kiss me. Then he started to pick on poor Nick. He couldn’t leave it alone.

            Alex is a blabbermouth. He told all the guys at practice about the kiss. He told them Nick is in love with me. Alex is my friend, but I’m mad at him. He had no right to embarrass Nick in front of the guys. Apparently the guys are teasing him, well mostly Alex. I’m going to give him a taste of his own medicine someday. He won’t like it. Just because Nick and I dislike each other doesn’t mean Alex should treat him that way. Plus, I don’t like being the butt of someone’s joke. Watch out Alex, your day will come.

I slammed my journal shut. When Kevin told me about what happened at rehearsal. I was mad. I don’t know why it affected me that way. I guess I just hate when people are treated unfairly for no reason. It bothers me more when a friend does it.

“Ashton, the phone’s for you.”

“Thanks Nia.” I grabbed my phone. “Hello.”

“Hey AJ.”

“Alex don’t call me that. I’m not in a good mood.”

“What’s wrong?”

“You.”

“Me? What did I do?”

“Picking on Nick about me. That’s just wrong?” I yelled at him.

“Whoa. I thought you hated the twerp. I didn’t mean anything by it. Why are you getting so defensive?”

“I’m not getting defensive. It was wrong to embarrass him in front of the guys. He looks up to all of you, and then you act like a jerk.”

“I didn’t know you were that concerned. It seems to me you have a little crush on Nicky. I’ve never seen you defend anyone like that.” Alex commented.

“Whatever. I don’t like Nick. If someone did that to you, I would defend you. You need to learn to keep you moth shut.” I hung up on Alex.

The boys were leaving for another high school and club tour in a couple days. We decided to celebrate Alex and Nick’s birthdays. Alex was turning sixteen, and Nick was turning fourteen. I had spent all day baking cakes for them.

“Mmm what smells so good?” Nia asked. She had just gotten home from work.

“It’s a chocolate cake. There’s also a vanilla cake in the fridge.”

“Wow. That’s nice of you. Those boys are lucky to have you as a friend.”

I started frosting the cake. Everyone was going to be arriving in a few minutes. The door bell rang, but I was busy so I didn’t answer it. It kept ringing. Finally they let themselves in.

“ANYONE HOME?” Brian screamed through the apartment.

“In the kitchen.” I put the cake in the fridge. Then I started to get the snacks ready.

“Hey Ashy. You’re going all out for this party.”

“Well, you only turn sixteen once. It’s a big moment in Alex’s life. He’s been talking about it for the last week. I didn’t think it was fair for Nick to be excluded since you’ll be away.”

“That’s sweet of you.” Brian grabbed a handful of pretzels.

“Stay out of the snacks.” I smacked his hand. “Why don’t you take these bowls to the living room?”

I shooed him out of the kitchen. Quickly I cleaned up and went to get changed. As I got dressed I could hear everyone’s voices. I dabbed on some perfume and was on my way.

“Happy birthday Alex!” I gave him a hug. I walked over to Nick. “Happy birthday, Nicky!”

“Thanks. Nia said you made chocolate cake.” He smiled at me.

“I sure did.” We both stood there staring at each other. It was uncomfortable. I didn’t know what to say to him. Apparently, he didn’t know what to say to me.

“Ashton, what did you buy me?” Alex had walked over to us.

“Nothing.”

“Aww. I thought you loved me.” He pouted.

“You know I love you.”

The party was a hit. Everyone was having a great time. People were talking and dancing. Alex was dancing with Sage. Nick was sitting all alone on the couch. I could sense that something was wrong. I went and sat down next to him.

“Hey, Nick. You having a good time?”

“Umm…not really. Everyone’s ignoring me. They always do because I’m just a kid. They don’t treat AJ that way because he’s cool.”

“It sucks doesn’t it? I’ve been in your shoes a lot Nick. It hurts a lot when people aren't accepting of who you are.”

“How did you handle it?”

“Well…I didn’t handle it very well at all. I was like a turtle and hid in my shell. I tried making friends, but no one really gave me the time.  I felt invisible. It wasn’t until I came to visit Florida that I felt accepted.”

“Did it bother you?” He asked me.

“Yes, it hurt a lot. I knew someday it would get better and it did. Nick, you be one of the guys someday. You just have to grow a little. It will happen.”

“I hope. You wanna dance?” He asked nervously. I nodded my head. We both stood up. A slow song came on.

I can show you the world ~ shining, shimmering, splendid ~ tell me princess, now when did ~ you last let your heart decide

Nick pulled me closer to him. He nervously put his hands on my waist. My hands went around his neck. We slowly swayed back and forth. I looked at Nick and smiled. He smiled back at me. I felt something in the pit of my stomach. I had never felt that before. It was kind of weird like a flutter. Nick spun me around. He looked me in the eye and just stared at me. There was that flutter in my stomach. Every time I looked at him I felt that way. My thoughts were all jumbled inside my brain. Nothing was clear in my mind, except thoughts about Nick.

My face moved closer to his. I licked my lips nervously. Slowly, I placed my lips on his and kissed him. We broke apart and he smiled at me.

“Wow! What was that for?” He asked in a squeaky voice.

“Umm…it was your birthday gift.” I pulled myself away from him. I didn’t know what to say or do. I did the only thing I knew how; I ran to my bedroom.

Nick stood in the middle of the room shocked. He didn’t know what was going on. Quickly he walked into the kitchen. At least he was alone. He hoped no one had seen what happened.

“Nick is everything okay?” Nia walked into the kitchen.

“No.” He tried to hold back the tears he felt in the corner of his eyes.

“You wanna talk about it?” She sat down at the table.

“Not really.”

“You might feel better.”

“Ashton kissed me.” Nick mumbled so Nia didn’t understand him

“Say that again.”

“Ashton kissed me.”

“What did you think about that?’

“I guess I liked it. It just was weird. I didn’t expect her to do that. She said it was my birthday gift.”

“Well, girls usually kiss boys they like. I don’t think Ashton would kiss you if she didn’t like you.”

“I’ve never had a girl like me.” He smiled.

“Let me give you some advice Nick. Ashton may not realize she likes you. She is probably just as confused as you are. So, if she acts weird around don’t get mad at her. Just be yourself.” Nick shook his head. He didn’t understand girls.

----------------------------

I sat on my bed crying. What had I done? Why did I kiss Nick? I didn’t mean to kiss him. Something had just come over me. I didn’t understand it. I was confused.

There was a knock at the door. “Come in.”

“Ashton, why aren’t you out there enjoying yourself? Kevin asked.

“I don’t feel good.” I sniffled.

“I saw you dancing with Nick.”

“Really?  That’s nice.” I said in a monotone voice.

“Did he say something to you?”

“No. I don’t want to talk about it.” I didn’t want to talk to my brother about kissing his friend. That would be so weird. I would rather keep this secret to myself.

“Okay. Do you want to come out and cut the cake?”

“Sure.” I wiped my eyes and followed Kevin out of the room.

 Song: A Whole New World from Aladdin

Life in Florida was great. I was busy with school work and dance lessons. I had to keep myself busy since the boys were touring. I was currently taking ballet and jazz. Nia was busy working during the day.  We spent the evening relaxing. Even though most of my friends were away, I didn’t feel lonely. Sage and I spent our free time hanging out.

“Demi plie and up. Demi plie and up. Grand plie and up.” I said to myself as I did some ballet in my room. Then I stretched down to my feet.

“Ashton what are you doing?” Sage flopped on my bed.

“Practicing ballet. You should try it. It would make you graceful.”

“I’ll pass. Have you talked to Nick yet?”

“NO! What would I say to him?” Nick and I had not talked to each other since the night we kissed. I was uncomfortable about the whole situation. I don’t know why I kissed him. I didn’t like him in that way. Heck, I barely knew him. One day we were trading insults and the next I was kissing him. Nick wouldn’t even look at me. Every time I can in a room he put his head down. I was kind of glad he was on tour, so I didn’t have to deal with it. I think he was embarrassed and grossed out by the kiss.

“You could tell him you like him.” I glared at her.

“I don’t like him.”

“Then why did you kiss him?”

“I don’t know. It’s weird, but I’m tired of having this conversation. You ask me about this everyday.”

“Ashton and Sage come in the living room quick.”  Nia yelled to us.

We both raced into the living room to see what was the matter. She was sitting on the couch by the phone.

“Kevin and the guys are on speaker phone. They have something they want to tell us.”

“Hey sis. Hey Sage. We’ve have some awesome news to tell you.”

“What is it?”

“We got a record deal.” Brian screamed into the phone. The other guys were screaming and carrying on.

“We’re gonna be famous.” Alex laughed.

“Congrats.”

“I’m so happy for you guys. Backstreet Boys are going to be famous.”

“Thanks, Ashton. We wanted to share it with you. We have to go to dinner now. We’ll celebrate when we come home next week.”

We were so excited for the guys. They deserved all the success in the world. They were working so hard to become famous singers.

-----------------------

After dinner the boys were sitting in Brian and Nick’s hotel room chilling out. They couldn’t believe they had a recording contract. They felt like the luckiest guys in the world.

“Just wait to our first Grammy awards. We got to find dates.”

“AJ, I think you should hold off on finding a date. It might be a while.” Howie laughed.

“Nick needs to start now. He may never find a date.”

“Shut up.”

“Come on, Nicky. Have you even kissed a girl yet?” Alex prodded Nick. He loved annoying Nick.

“Yes.”

“Who was the lucky girl?” Brian asked.

“Umm...Ashton.” Nick mumbled.

“Who?”

“Ashton.” He mumbled again.

“I didn’t hear what you said. Can you repeat it one more time?” Kevin asked starting to get annoyed.

“I SAID ASHTON.” Nick yelled loudly.

“You kissed my sister?”

“Umm…she….umm…actually kind of…kissed me.” Nick was nervous. He didn’t want Kevin mad at him.

“When did it happen?”

“It’s none of your business.” Nick got up and walked to the bathroom. He closed the door and locked himself inside.

“What a wuss.”

“Shut up, AJ. Leave him alone. You’ve embarrassed him enough. Not everyone likes their business out in the open.” Brian had enough of everyone picking on Nick. Just because he was the youngest didn’t mean they could pick on him.

“Fine. I’m going back to my room.” AJ huffed out of the room. He was annoyed at Brian and Nick.

“I think you two should leave so I can talk to Nick.”

Shortly after Kevin and Howie left, Brian knocked on the bathroom door. “Nick come out.

“I don’t want to.”

“They all left. It’s just me.”

“I’m too embarrassed, Brian.”

“Nick, I’m not going to judge you. So, what you kissed a girl. I knew you would at some point.”

Nick walked his face was all red from crying. He sat on the bed and did not talk.

“I’m sorry AJ was being a jerk. He’s always sticking his nose where it doesn’t belong.”

“I shouldn’t let him get to me. I didn’t want Ashton to get mad at me for telling you all about this kiss.”

“That was nice of you. Have you talked to her since you kissed?”

“No. I’m afraid to talk to her. She ran away from me after she kissed me. I don’t think that was a good sign. Plus, I don’t know what to say to her.”

“She was probably scared. Ashton’s not experienced like many girls. She’s never had a boyfriend, so she probably hasn’t kissed a lot of guys.”

“She kissed AJ the night of the dance.”

“That probably made her sick. Someday you will have kissed lots of girls and even had some girlfriends.”

“Well, I never had a girlfriend. It was my first kiss. I feel stupid when it comes to girls.”

“Nick we all feel stupid when it comes to the opposite sex. Girls are confusing. They like it that way. Let’s play some Nintendo.”

I sat down at the table next to Alex. He was reading his history assignment. I grabbed my pencil and opened my history book. I was busy concentrating so I didn’t notice Nick walk in. He sat down and started his school work. By accident his elbow hit my book. I moved my book and glared at him. I continued working on my essay that was due in ten minutes. Again, Nick’s elbow bumped me.

“Would you watch it? I’m trying to finish my essay, and you keep bumping me.”

“I’m not trying to bump you. I don’t have enough room. You’re hogging the table.”

“I am not. Alex is using the other end of the table. I’m not hogging the table.” I pointed to where Alex was using the table.

“You always blame me for everything. I don’t see you yelling at AJ.”

“He’s not bumping me.” I hissed at him. Nick just didn’t get it. He annoyed me.

“Where would you like me to go?” He ran his fingers through his hair.

“As far away from me as possible.”

“You’re such a bitch. All you do is complain and yell at me.”

“That was completely uncalled for. You are a jerk.”

“Would both of you stop. I’m trying to get my work done and all I hear is you bickering.”

“I didn’t do anything. I’m trying to finish my essay and he keeps bumping me.” I defended myself.

“You know what I think? I think you both like each other and are too stupid to realize it. Instead of trying to get along, you fight. I think it’s some type of sexual tension. You find yourself hot and bothered when you fight. Just kiss and get it over with.”

“You are nuts AJ. What kind of drugs are you on? I can’t stand her let alone want to kiss her.” Nick made puking noise to show how much he hated me.

“Since when did you become an expert on love? Have you been reading Cosmo?” Then I point to Nick. “I don’t you either. In fact I loathe you. You’re so ugly and stupid no girl will want you.” I grabbed my book and papers and left.

----------------------------------------------

“Hi Denise. How are you?” I was sitting on the couch at Alex’s house.

“I’m doing well. Are you still mad at AJ?”

“Nah. I can’t stay mad at him. Are you excited about going to Sweden?”

“Yes, it will be exciting. I was wondering if you would like to be my assistant in Sweden.”

“Really? I would love to. What would I be doing?” I was excited for this opportunity. I always wanted to travel. This would give me time to spend with Kevin and the guys.

“Well you would help me keep the guys on schedule and things like that.”

“It sounds awesome. Thank you for thinking of me.” I hugged Denise.

“Well I didn’t want you in Florida by yourself for the summer. I got permission from your mom. She is excited for you and Kevin.”

“Cool. Can I boss Nick around? I smiled at her.

“A little. Are you still fighting with him?”

“I’m not even talking to him. He started it. Nick just irks me. I don’t know why he bothers me so much. AJ says we like each other.”

“Hmm…well lots of people who like each other start off as enemies. Love and hate are very close emotions.” I thought about what she said. I couldn’t like Nick. He’s such a whiny, mean boy. He never has anything nice to say to me. Grant it, I wasn’t very nice to him either. I don’t know why I acted that way towards him. I got irritated as soon as I saw him.

----------------------------------

I sat on my bed. I was more confused than ever. This Nick situation was getting on my nerves. I opened up my journal and began to write.

            I have such mixed emotions going through my head. Though Alex would say emotions don’t come from your head, they’re from the heart. When I think of Nick, he has nothing to do with my heart. That would mean I liked or cared about him. At this point neither was true. I HATE NICK CARTER!!!! There was nothing I liked about him. He was tall and skinny (well not as tall as me, so he is shrimpy compared to me). He whined when he didn’t get his way. He whined when the other guys picked on him. He wouldn’t stick up for himself and when he did he whined and complained. He wasn’t cute. Nick’s hair was always in his face. He spent most of the time removing it from his eyes. Go get a hair cut!!!! He cried all the time and pretended he didn’t. The only thing he did okay was sing. Nick was always giving me dirty looks. Other times he would stare at me. I always catch him and he looks away.

            I can’t believe I actually try to be nice to him. Why did I kiss him? I was his first kiss. He’ll always remember me because of that. Thank goodness he wasn’t mine. Alex was my first kiss. His felt like kissing my brother. Nick’s didn’t feel that way at all. His lips were smooth. He must use chapstick. Why am I talking about kissing Nick? I don’t know why I kissed him. Maybe it was because he was actually being nice to me. He was friendly and we were slow dancing. I saw everyone else dancing and acting romantic. That was probably why. I wanted to be like everybody. Well, I would never tell Alex, but Nick was a better kisser than him. He would be pissed and whine about it for days. Alex would give Nicky, I mean Nick a hard time. I will keep that secret to myself.

            Like I said, I’m confused. I don’t what I’m thinking or feeling. Maybe I never will. I will take one day at a time. If Nick is nice to me, I will be nice to him. I will not go out of my way to be his friend. I will be polite and courteous to him. My mom and dad taught me good manners. I will make them proud.

The plane ride to Sweden was long and so far uneventful. I sat there reading the itinerary Denise made. There was no time for sight seeing or anything else. They were going to be recording a few songs and nothing else. The only free time would be at night. Alex, Nick, and I were underage so we wouldn’t be able to go out.

Kevin was sleeping next to me. Howie was snoring a few seats in front of us. Alex was talking to his mom. Brian and Nick were playing connect the dots. I was bored. We had four more hours to go.

“So Nick, are you still fighting with Ashton?”

“I guess. I don’t know why she’s always mad at me. I don’t try to bother her.” Nick connected two dots with a line.

“She seems to get easily annoyed with you. I’ve never seen her be that way.”

“I’m just going to stay away from her. I’m getting tired of her yelling at me.”

-------------------------------

I was never so happy to see the hotel. I was tired and the time change didn’t help.  Denise and I were sharing a room. All the boys had to share. Quickly I unpacked, and then we were all heading out to the studio.

“Can you go make sure Alex, Brian, and Nick are ready? We need to leave in ten minutes. Make sure they get on the elevator with you.”

I exited the room and went to the guys’ hotel room. I knocked on their door. “Room service.”

“We didn’t order anything.”

“Let me in.”

“Hey Ashton.”

“It’s time to go. We are meeting everyone else in the lobby.”

“Cool. I’m so excited about this.” Nick blabbered.

Quickly, we walked to the elevator. Nick and Alex were taking their good old time.”Let’s go boys. We’re going to be late.”

“You sure are bossy.” Alex teased me.

“Yeah, we can walk down the hall on our own.” Nick laughed. I turned around and gave them both a look.  Alex started to laugh.

“Apparently you can’t or Alex’s mom wouldn’t have asked me to babysit you.” I smiled and pressed the button. Alex flipped me the middle finger. I chose to ignore him.

Everyone was in the lobby waiting for us. We went outside to catch the van.

The studio was huge. I had never been in a recording studio before. It was interesting to see all the equipment, instruments, and rooms. All the boys were wide-eyed and chatty. They couldn’t stop talking about everything they saw. The boys were ushered in with the songwriters and producers. Denise and sat in the lounge going over some business.

“So they are going to be recording three songs for the two weeks we are in Sweden. They are scheduled to work from eight to eight. They will have some time to relax and see some of the sights.”

“Okay. What do you want me to do?”

“Kevin and Howie are responsible. I want you to make sure Alex, Brian, and Nick are on time for everything. Alex won’t even realize you are babysitting him. Just keep them on track with everything that is going on. If the producers need anything, just do it.”

“Tomorrow I have a meeting with Lou, so you will stay here and be in charge of the guys. Basically just keep them in line and productive.”

“Sounds easy enough.”

Denise and I sat around for a few hours. The boys were busy singing.

“Mom, I’m soooo tired.” Alex flopped onto the couch by his mom.

“How much longer are you working?’

“As soon as Nick gets his part right, we can leave. He’s having trouble because he’s never had to sing in a studio. I think he’s nervous.”

-----------------------------------

Everyone but Nick and I plowed into the elevator. We both quietly waited for the next one to arrive. I looked at Nick, but when he glanced at me I put my head down.

“Are you still mad at me?”

“No. I’m just tired.”

“Okay.’ He smiled at me. The doors slid open. “You first.”

“Thanks.” I smiled at him. I pressed the button for the ground floor.  

Nick and I looked at each other. He moved closer to me. I licked my lips knowing that he was going to kiss me. Nick awkwardly put his mouth on mine. He kissed me slowly, putting a little pressure on my lips. It felt nice. I liked kissing him and felt that flutter I had at his birthday party. We continued kissing until we heard the elevator ding. Nick pulled away and moved far away from me. We smiled at each other as the door opened.

In the van, I pulled out my journal. I needed to get my thoughts off my chest. I was confused.

            I LIKE NICK CARTER!!!! I finally understand what is going on between Nick and I. I like him. I think he likes me. Today he kissed me for no reason. I liked it when he kissed me. It made me feel special and pretty. A boy actually likes me. I don’t find him as repulsive as I did this morning. He’s really not that bad. Nick is kind of sweet when he’s not whining or complaining. I think he might like me because he kissed me. I’m not certain because some boys kiss girls they don’t like just because they like to kiss.

            Does Nick like me? Now I have to worry about him liking me. What can I do to get him to like me? Who can help me? Oh crap, I can’t tell anyone. Kevin would kill Nick. Alex would tease me. Brian is Nick’s friend. He might tell. Maybe I can tell Howie. I think he would keep quiet. Ahh, I want to share it with someone and I can’t. I think I will give it sometime before I do anything.

 I’ll wait and see if Nick shows any signs that he likes me. So this is what it feels like to be in love. I’m feeling giddy, like I could giggle and smile at everything and anything. I have to keep it hidden I don’t want anyone to know. This love thing is soooooo hard.

It was going to be a long day. The boys were singing their hearts out in the recording studio. Denise was in a meeting with Lou Pearlman at the hotel. I was stuck babysitting the three youngest Backstreet Boys. Currently that was an easy job because they were busy singing. I sat in the lounge reading a magazine.

“Hi Ashton.” Nick waved at me.

“Hey. What are you doing?’ I smiled at him.

“I have to go to the bathroom.” He walked into the hall. I decided to follow him.

I stood in the hall waiting for Nick to come out of the restroom. As he came out, I grabbed his arm and pulled him closer to me. Our mouths met in a sweet kiss. It didn’t last long because I didn’t want us to get caught.

“What was that for?” He whispered.

“Just because.”

“I liked it. We need to do this more often.” He grinned at me.

“I’d like that.” I smiled shyly.

“I better get back before they come looking for me.” Nick kissed me on the cheek and walked back into the studio.

----------------------------------------------

“Howie and I are going to go out for a while. Anyone want to come?”

We were all sitting in Kevin’s hotel room. Everyone was bored.

“I’ll pass. I’m going to get some sleep. I was up to late playing video games.” Brian got up and left.

“Where are you going?”

“I think to this cafe down the street.”

“I’ll go.” Alex said.

“I’m going to read.” I quickly got up.

“No thanks, guys. Have fun.” Nick stood up and left.

I was standing in the hallway as Nick came out of the room. He walked over to me. “So, Ashy what are you going to do until curfew?”

“I don’t know. What about you?”

“Nothing. Brian is going to sleep, so I can’t hang in my room.”

“You want to hang in my room. Alex’s mom went out for a while.”

“Sure.”

We walked to my room. I got my key card out and let us in. “You wanna watch some TV?”

“Okay. There’s nothing else to do.”

I turned the TV on and flipped through the channels. I stopped at MTV. Nick and I sat there quietly. I wasn’t sure what to say to him. I was nervous to be in the room with him. I didn’t want to do anything stupid. Every once in a while Nick would glance at me. I would smile at him and look away. All I wanted to do was kiss Nick. I scooted closer to him.

“Umm…Ashton….you look…umm…pretty.” He said nervously. I couldn’t help but smile at him.

“Thank you Nick.”

I leaned in towards his face. We both looked into each other’s eyes. It was like time was standing still. I forgot about anything else except Nick. I licked my lips and gently placed them on Nick’s. At first he was surprised, but a moment later he deepened the kiss. As we continued to kiss, Nick placed his hands on my waist. It felt so good to have his hands on me. I was enjoying myself. Nick placed light kisses on my lips.

“Ashy, I take it you don’t hate me anymore.”

“I don’t hate you. I really like you a lot.” I placed a light peck on his lips.

“Good. I like you, too. I like kissing you.”

He kissed me on the cheek. We started kissing again. A few minutes later, Nick slowly slid his tongue into my mouth. At first it felt kind of weird especially since I had never French kissed before. My tongue started dancing with his. I wrapped my arms around his neck and brought him closer. Nick and I continued to make out. We both lost track of time. We were enjoying each other’s kisses. Neither of us heard the door open.

“Nick. Ashton.” Denise called out. We didn’t hear her. She cleared her throat. “Excuse me.”

We both broke apart. I stood up and moved to the other side of the room. Nick sat there in shock. He raked his hands through his hair.

“I think we need to have a talk. Both of you come sit down.”

Nick and I followed Denise’s directions. I was nervous and didn’t want to get into trouble. I prayed that she wouldn’t tell Kevin. Nick looked scared.

“How long has this been going on?”

“Denise, tonight was the first time. We didn’t mean for it to happen.”

She stood there silently. I was getting scared about what she was going to say.

“I know that you both like each other. I understand that, but you can’t be making out in private.” She said gently.

“Yes, Denise. It won’t happen again.”

“Nick, I find that highly unlikely. I would appreciate if you two make sure you’re always with other people. Things can happen when you are alone. Take your time and get to know each other. A peck on the lips is fine, but you are both young and don’t need to be making out.”  My face turned red. It was embarrassing to be talking about making out with your friend’s mom. Nick nodded his head.

“Can we keep this between us? This is new for Nick and me. We don’t want the other guys to know.” I asked Denise.

“Your secret is safe with me for now. If I see you to making out again, I’m going to have to tell Kevin and Nick’s mom. I don’t want to do that. By, the way you two are really cute together.” I giggled at her and Nick blushed. He was so cute when he was self-conscious.

“Thanks Denise.”

“Your welcome, Ashton. Nick you need to get to bed.” Nick got up. He gave me a kiss on the cheek and went back to his room.

“Denise, I want to thank you again. I like him a lot. This is all so new to me.”

“Just take it one day at a time. If you need to talk to me about anything, I’m here for you.” She gave me a hug. I appreciated the fact that Denise was understanding about the situation. She didn’t get mad or upset about it.

Things were going great with Nick. We were spending a lot of time together. No one really noticed because they were always going out. We hung out with Brian a lot of the times. Nick and I kept our kissing a secret when we were with everyone. I don’t think we knew what we were doing. This kissing stuff was new to us.

I walked out of the bathroom and saw Nick standing in the hallway.

“What are you doing out here?”

“I told the guys I had to pee. I just wanted to see you.” He smiled at me.

“You’re too sweet. How’s the song going?”

“It’s going okay.” He gave me a peck on the lips. I deepened the kiss. I couldn’t get enough of his lips on mine. Nick slowly backed me up against the wall. My hands were playing with his hair. He hands played with the bottom of my shirt.

“You better get back before the guys come looking for you.” I kissed his nose.

“Do I have to? I’d rather be with you.” He smirked at me. He kissed me again.

“We can’t get caught. You need to go.” I pushed him away.

He walked down the hall. I smiled as I watched him go. I was in my own little world and didn’t realize anyone was in the hall until Howie started talking to me.

“Is everything ok?”

“Hey, Howie. Everything is fine. Why?”

“You seem like you’re in a trance.”

“I’m fine. I was just daydreaming.” He gave me a look. He knew something was up. I looked down at the ground.

“Lunch is almost ready. We’ll talk later. You’re a little flushed, sweetie. Go splash some cold water on your face.” He smiled and walked into the restroom.

I was thankful Howie had caught us. Anyone else would have freaked out. I don’t think I could go on hiding whatever I had with Nick. What were we? Were we a couple? Were we just friends who kissed? I needed someone to talk to about it. Maybe I could talk to Howie about it. He seemed level headed and sweet. I don’t think he would tell Kevin.

----------------------------------------------------

Howie invited me to go to a cafe this evening. He wanted to talk to me. We sat at a table and made some small talk.

“What’s going on with you and Nicky?”

“I’m not really sure. We stopped fighting last week. Then we started kissing every time we we’re alone.”

“Do you like him?”

“Yes. I think he’s sweet and funny.”

“How does he feel about you?”

“I think he likes me. We don’t really talk about it. We spend most of our time making out.”

“Wow. I don’t want to sound like a party pooper, but I’m concerned. You are both young and you don’t want to rush into a physical relationship.” Howie meant well, but being the stubborn teenager I was; I didn’t want to hear it.

“We’re not going to have sex. We are just kissing. Nothing has happened. Nothing will happen. I promise.”

“Ashton, I’m going to be honest with you. Sometimes things happen when you don’t plan on it. I think you and Nick make a cute couple. I don’t want either of you to get hurt. Take time to get to know him. Relationships aren’t just about kissing and making out.”

I played with my spoon and thought about what Howie said. Maybe he was right. I needed to know more about Nick. We didn’t talk that much. What if he was stupid or shallow? I didn’t want to date a guy like that.

“I guess you’re right Howie. Even though I’ve known Nick for a while, I really don’t know him. Are you going to tell Kevin?”

“Your secret is safe with me.”

--------------------------------

When I got back to the hotel, I decided to see what the guys were up to. Nick and Brian were playing video games. Alex was listening to music.

“You want to play a game?”

“Sure. Which one?” Alex asked.

“It’s called questions. Each person will get five slips of paper. You write down one question on each slip. Then we put the questions in a basket and take turns answering them.”

“That sounds like fun.” Brian sat down next to me.

I handed out the paper and everyone started writing questions. I thought this was a good way to get to know Nick. He wouldn’t even realize I was trying to get information about him. We all threw are questions in the basket.

“Ladies before gentleman, I’ll go first.” I picked a slip of paper. “What is your favorite food? My favorite food is pizza.”

“What do you look for in the opposite sex? I look for beautiful eyes, long hair, great personality and sense of humor.” AJ rattled off his list.

“What is your biggest fear?” Brian thought for a moment. “Heights.”

It was Nick’s turn. I couldn’t wait to her what he was going to say.

“Describe your dream girl. Well, I like girls that are older than me. I like long dark hair, natural looking. I hate girls with a lot of makeup. She has to be honest, sweet, feisty, independent and a nice personality.”  He smiled at me. I could feel myself blushing.  I noticed Alex and Brian look at each other. I chose to ignore it.

We continued asking questions. I learned a lot about Nick. His middle name was Gene. He liked boating, fishing, playing basketball and video games. His best friend was Brian. Nick had one brother and three sisters.

“What is your dream date? I would love to have a picnic on the beach. It would be great to cuddle and watch the waves.” I answered.

“That’s so romantic.” Brian teased me. I threw a pillow at him.

“Who was the last person you kissed?” Nick didn’t know what to say. He didn’t want anyone to know about us. “This game is stupid. These questions are lame.”

Nick ran out of the room. We all sat there in silence. I wanted to follow him, but I knew I couldn’t. This situation sucked. At that point I didn’t want to hide it anymore. I wanted the world to know I liked Nick Carter. I was going to talk to him about it later. Growing up and falling in love wasn’t easy.

Nick and I were hanging at the pool. The rest of the guys were watching a movie. Nick swam over to me and wrapped his arms around my neck. I leaned in and gave him a kiss.

“Nick, I really like us being together.”

“Me, too.” He beamed.

“Are we girlfriend and boyfriend or just friends?” I was hoping he would say boyfriend and girlfriend. I really liked him. I wanted him to feel the same way about me.

Nick kissed my nose. “I want you to be my girlfriend.”

“I accept. Are we going to stop hiding our relationship?”

“Of course. Hey, everyone Ashton Richardson is my girlfriend.” Nick yelled. I pushed him into the water. Luckily no one was around to hear him.

I jumped out of the pool before he came and dunked me. He swam over to me.

“So Nicky…when are we going to tell them?”

“Soon. Do you think Kevin will be mad?” He hopped up next to me.

“He might be upset at first, but he’ll get over it.” I place my hand in his. His hands were all wrinkly from the water.

“Am I your first girlfriend?”

“Yes. Am I your first boyfriend?”

“Yes. This is all so new to me. I find it exciting and scary at the same time.”  I squeezed his hand and shyly smiled at him.

“I get the exciting part. Why is it scary?”

“Well, I don’t always know what I should be doing when it comes to you. I’ve never had a boyfriend. I don’t want to do anything to hurt you or make you mad.”

“We’re in this together. I’m not perfect and I’m pretty clueless when it comes to girls.”

Nick hugged me. It felt good to be in his arms. He made my heart flutter. I was excited and nervous at the same time. I had never felt like this before, but I liked it a lot. I looked up at him and pressed my lips to his. We continued kissing, not caring if anyone walked in on us. Nick and I were living dangerously. I guess we didn’t care now that we were a couple. It really didn’t matter what anyone thought. Nick was my boyfriend, and I was really happy. Our tongues dance together for a few moments. Then Nick sucked on my bottom lip.

“What the hell is going on?” Kevin’s voice boomed through the room.

“Holy shit! Nicky’s get lucky.” AJ whistled. Kevin smacked him in the head.

Nick and I pulled apart. My face was red with embarrassment. I didn’t want Kevin to find out this way. “Hi Kevin.”

“Ashton and Nick, what’s going on?”

“Umm….we’re…..umm….dating. Ashton is…my…girlfriend.” Nick stuttered. He wouldn’t look at Kevin.

“How long has this been going on?”

“We started getting along a little over a week ago. I just asked her to be my girlfriend today.”

“Ashton can I speak to you alone?”

I stood up and put my flip flops on. I followed Kevin to the table on the other side of the room.

“What’s up Kevin?” I replied quietly.

“Shouldn’t I be asking you that?”

“I guess. Are you mad?” I stared over at Nick who was getting picked on by Alex.

“I’m shocked more than anything. How did this happen?”

“Well, we stopped fighting with each other. Then Nick kissed me in the elevator the day we got here. After that we kissed every time we were alone.”

“Why did you hide it from me?” He sighed.

“Kevin, I didn’t know how to bring up the subject with Nick. How would I have been able to tell you? I love you, but it’s hard to tell your older brother you like a boy. You would have stopped me.”

“That’s not true. You don’t give me enough credit.”

“You have a temper. Plus Nick is your friend. You work together. Nick and I just discussed being boyfriend and girlfriend. This relationship stuff is new to me.”

“You can talk to me about anything. I might not be thrilled with it, but I’m here for you.”

“I know that Kevin. I’ll be honest with you from now on. Are you okay with me and Nick dating?” I hugged Kevin.

“Yeah, I guess so. I’m just going to lay some ground rules down. I don’t want either of you getting hurt.”

“Nick, come over here. Kevin wants to talk to us.” I yelled at him. He quickly came over.

“Nick, I am giving you permission to date my sister. If you do anything to hurt her, I will kill you.”

“Thanks Kevin.”

“There are a few rules we need to establish.” We both nodded at Kevin. “Rule one you are not to be alone. I want you to hang out with other people.”

“But Kevin.” I whined.

“Ashton, things can happen when you are alone. If I see that you two are being mature about dating, I will allow you to spend some time alone. Rule two a little kiss here or there is fine, but no making out. Rule number three, both of you must keep your grade up and not neglect your obligations. Can you do that?” He looked at both of us.

“Sure, Kevin.” Nick grinned at me. He was so cute.

“Yes, bro.”

“Nick and Ashton sitting in a tree k-i-s-s-i-n-g.” AJ sang as he walked over to us.

“Shut up.” I laughed.

“I’m glad you finally got together. The sexual tension was killing me. I was tired of you fighting.”

“Alex please don’t mention the word sexual when it comes to my baby sister and her boyfriend.” Kevin growled. I was mortified. I think Alex was purposely trying to make me turn red.

“First comes love. Second comes marriage. Then comes Nicky in a baby carriage.” AJ sang loudly.

“Not for a long, long time.” Kevin looked at us. I rolled my eyes. I nudged Nick and we quickly got up.

“Bye Kevy.” I waved as we left the pool.

“Kevin, can I go on a date with Nick tonight?” I asked him nicely.

“Where is he taking you?”

“To the beach for a picnic.” I prayed that Kevin said yes. I really wanted to spend some time alone with Nick.

“I think that would be fine. You have showed me your both ready for some alone time.”

“Thanks Kevin. You’re the best.” I gave him a hug.

I was finally going on a date. I spent the whole day getting ready. I painted my nails and pampered myself.  I wanted to be perfect for Nick.

------------------------------------

Nick spread the blanket on the sand. We both sat down.

“It’s so nice to be alone. Kevin’s been watching us like a hawk since he found out.”

“Plus, we haven’t seen each other since we got back from Sweden.  I’ve missed you.”

“I missed you, too.” I kissed him.

“Let’s eat. I’m starved.” He opened up the picnic basket. It was filled with so much food.

“Did you make all of this?”

“No, my mom did. I don’t cook.”

“That was sweet of her. I love to cook. I’ll make you dinner one day.” I fed Nick a grape.

“I’d like that. What do you cook?”

“I make lasagna, baked chicken, and roast. You name it, I can cook it.”

“Cool.”

We ate the rest of our meal in silence. I didn’t feel weird sitting in complete silence. It was comfortable. We didn’t always need to be talking.

“You want to go for a walk?” He asked me. I nodded my head. Nick pulled me up and we walked down the beach hand in hand.

“The beach is beautiful. Thank you for bringing me here.”

“Anytime. Aaron was mad because he wanted to come with me.”

“Aww. That’s sweet that your little brother wants to spend time with you.”

“It is, but I wanted to be alone with you. It gets annoying that Kevin won’t let us be alone.”

“I know Nick. He’s so protective of me. He thinks you’re going to take advantage of me.” I joked.

“Well, you are hot and I love kissing you. I wouldn’t dream of doing anything to hurt you.” He said sincerely. We stopped at the edge of the sand. Nick pulled me close. His finger rubbed my cheek as he stared into my eyes. “I’ve never felt this way about anyone. I spend all my time thinking about you.”

“I feel the same way. I want to spend all my time with you. All I want to do is kiss you and kiss you and kiss you.”

My lips grazed his with light quick kisses. He wrapped his arms around my waist. Then he deepened the kiss. We didn’t stop to breath. It was all about being together. Nick’s hands moved to the bottom of my tank top. I could feel him move his hands underneath. His hands on my body felt wonderful. Our tongues met and dueled. My heart was beating faster. Nick’s hand moved to my breast. Ahh….it felt sooo good. Being this way with Nick felt so right.

“Mmmm…Nick…I love when you touch me.”

“If I start going too far, let me know. I don’t want to do anything to hurt you.” He kissed my nose.

I pulled him to the ground. Nick laid on top of me. We started to kiss again. I gently sucked on his ear. I heard him moan. Nick started pulling up my shirt. He feathered kiss all over my stomach. My hands were in his hair. I forgot where I was. All I wanted was Nick. He brought his lips to mine. His hands roamed my chest. I loved his touch. I loved his taste. I wanted him so bad.

“WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?” Kevin yelled.

Nick and I pulled apart. I pulled my shirt down. Kevin looked pissed.

“Ummm….ummm.” I didn’t know what to say to my brother.

“I trusted you both enough to go on a date alone, and you spend your time groping my little sister.” He screamed at Nick.

“We’re sorry Kevin. We kind of got carried away.” I apologized.

“Let’s go.” Nick and I grabbed our belongings and followed Kevin to the car.

-----------------------------------------

We dropped Nick off at his house. I waved goodbye to him. Kevin was upset, and I knew I would be lectured all the way to Orlando.

“What the hell were you thinking?” He held the steering wheel tightly.

“I don’t know.”

“You don’t know. Are you out of your mind? Ashton, you’re fifteen years old.”

“So what. I’m fifteen. I’m in love with Nick. He makes me feel special. I feel differently when I’m with him.” I was being honest with him.

“I understand that. I’ve been a teenager. Right now you and Nick are thinking with your hormones. They can get you in trouble.”

“Kevin, I’m responsible. I’m not going to have sex. Mom and dad have taught me right from wrong. Making out is as far as I’m going to go with Nick.”

“Ashton, you can say that, but when your in the moment you can forget everything but what your feeling.”

I rolled my eyes at him. I didn’t want to talk about sex with my big my brother. It was weird.

“Kevin, I don’t want to have this conversation with you.”

“I’m in charge of you, and we will have this conversation.” He told me in an annoyed tone.

“It won’t happen again.”

“You’re damn right it won’t. You are not allowed to be alone with him. You both are moving to fast. I don’t want you to get yourself in a situation you can’t handle.”

“Fine. Just remember it’s my life and you can’t stop me from doing what I what.”

“Well that is not what I wanted to hear. That comment does not make me trust you with Nick.” He glanced at me.

“Kevin, I’m sorry about what you saw. I will try to be a sweet and innocent girl from now on. Just don’t stop me from seeing Nick.”

“I won’t stop you from seeing Nick, but I’m going to keep a close eye on you both.”

The boys were busy rehearsing, so I didn’t get to spend a lot of time with Nick. I think Kevin was secretly happy about that. He didn’t want me and Nick alone. I think he was over reacting about Nick and I being intimate. I wasn’t going to have sex until I was older, no matter how much I liked Nick. I wish my brother realized that I was mature and knew that I was taking my relationship with Nick seriously. I swear Kevin and everyone else thought Nick and I were a bunch of horny teenagers.

“Kevin do you have practice tomorrow?”

“No. We actually have a day off.” He sat down next to me.

“Can I spend the day at Sage’s? Nick, Alex, and Brian are also invited.”

“Sure. How are things going with Nicky?”

“Good. I haven’t seen him because of your rehearsals, but we talk everyday.” I missed him and wanted to kiss him.

“I’m glad you are slowing your relationship down and getting to know each other.”

“Like we have a choice. He’s always practicing. We can’t kiss if we never see each other. I don’t understand why you’re still pissed because we were making out.” I rolled my eyes. He was frustrating me. He acted like he was never a teenager. I was always catching him with Nia. It wasn’t fair.

“I don’t want you getting hurt.”

“If I get hurt, I get hurt. You can’t stop that. I need to learn from my own mistakes. Let me make my own choices. I am a mature, responsible, independent young woman. Please trust me, Kevin.”

Kevin sat there thinking about what I said. I know it was hard for him to see me grow up. He didn’t realize that I was okay with everything. I knew someday I was going to get hurt by Nick. That’s the way life worked. I wouldn’t like it, but it was going to happen. I was mature enough to handle it.

“Fine. I trust you, but if you need me, I’m there for you. If or when you start thinking about having sex, please use protection. Find someone to talk to about it. You can talk to Nia, Denise, Howie or me. Don’t talk to AJ.” He gave me a hug.

“Thanks Kevy. I love you.” I gave my brother a hug.

“I love you, back.”

--------------------------

Nick, Alex, and Brian were swimming in the pool. Sage and I sat in lounge chairs relaxing and gossiping. It was a nice relaxing day.

“You and Nick are so cute together.” Sage smiled at me.

“Thanks. I really like him. He’s different than I thought he would be.”

“I knew from the first time I saw you two together that you liked each other. I think it’s so romantic.”

“It is we went on a date to the beach. It was awesome until Kevin caught us making out.”

“That had to suck.  I remember when my parents caught me making out. I got into so much trouble.”

“I just hate getting the sex talk every time I kiss him.” I sighed.

The boys were swimming. Nick had barely said two words to me today. I decided to get into the pool. I went behind Nick and put my arms around him. He turned and smiled at me. Then went back to talking

“So Bri, you want to play basketball tomorrow?”

“Sure.”

“Alex, you going to join us?”

“Maybe.”

Nick continued to ignore me. I was a little put off by his behavior. We hadn’t spent any time together in over a week and he was ignoring me.

“Nick.” I called out.

“What?” He looked annoyed.

“I’ve missed seeing you.” I gave him a kiss on the cheek. He quickly kissed me back.

“Me, too.”

Brian and Alex got out of the pool.

“Let’s get out” Nick grabbed my hand. I wanted to stay there and spend a few minutes alone with him.

Nick walked over to his friends. I was irritated with Nick so I went into the house to find Sage. “Sage, you in here?”

“I’m in the kitchen getting snacks.” She hollered. I walked into the kitchen and sat down at the island.

“I think Nick is mad at me.”

“Why do you say that?”

“He’s ignoring me. He’s barely talking to me, nor has he kissed me once.” I sighed. Tears threatened to fall down my face, but I wasn’t going to let them.

“Guys are weird. I wouldn’t worry about it. You know he likes you a lot. Help me take these out.”

I grabbed the bowls of snacks and went outside. I placed the snacks on the table and sat down. The boys came over. Nick sat down next to Brian. I was mad because there was a seat right next to me. He didn’t even want to sit with me. Something was up. I don’t think he liked me anymore.

“Sage when are leaving for vacation?”

“Next week. We should go out before I leave.”

“That sounds like fun. Nick, do you have any time off next week.” He shrugged his shoulders. I was shocked that he didn’t answer me.

“I think we have Thursday off.” Alex answered my question. I gave him a slight smile. It wasn’t his job to answer for Nick.

“Is that good for you Nick?”

“It’s fine Sage.”

The conversation continued. Every time I talked to Nick he ignored me. I couldn’t take it any longer.

“Nick what is your problem? You’ve been ignoring me all day.”

“What are you talking about? I’ve been with you all day.” He crossed his arms.

“You ignored me in the pool. You can’t even sit next to me. When I talk you don’t answer. You shrug and don’t say anything.” I raised my voice.

“I’m just hanging with my friends.”

“You see them every day. I haven’t seen you in over a week. On the phone all you talk about is spending time together. Now you don’t even want to be near me.” I stood up.

“Ashton, there’s no need to get upset about this. I’m just trying to relax.”

“Whatever Nick. Don’t call me until you want to actually spend time with your girlfriend.” I walked into the house. Everyone just stared at me as walked away.

I was so mad at Nick. He had no right getting an attitude with me. I decided to go home. I picked up the phone and dialed.

“Hello.”

“Kevin come pick me up.” I hung up the phone and started to cry.

Well it’s been three days and Nick still hasn’t called me. I don’t know what is up with him. I thought he liked me but I guess he’s over it. This relationship didn’t go the way I planned. I thought we would be together for a long time, but we’ve been together for little over a month. I’ve never been what guys want. I am annoyed and hurt at the same time. Kevin wasn’t thrilled picking me up the other day. He was having alone time with Nia. That means he was having sex and I interrupted him. Oh, well that is life. I am giving him parenting lessons ahead of time.

In two weeks I will be going to visit my mom in Kentucky. I am excited to see her, but I will miss everyone in Florida. I haven’t told Nick that I will be leaving for a few weeks. He will probably be mad at me. That is if we are still together.

I am being stubborn and waiting for him to call. Maybe I should just break down and call him. I think he’s chicken when it comes to things like this. I am going to handle this maturely and being the better person. Nia says sometimes you just have to make things right before the guy comes to his senses. She says that guys can be dumb when it comes to relationships. They don’t see things they way we women do. I hope she’s right.

I placed my journal on my desk and reached for the phone. I dialed Nick’s number.

“Hello Carter’s residence.” A small voice answered.

“Can I talk to Nick?”

“Sure.” Then the voice yelled for Nick.

“Hello!”

“Hi Nick. It’s Ashton.” I said quietly. I was nervous to talk to him.

“Oh, hi. What’s up?”

“Are…you….umm…mad…at…me?” There was a long pause. I guess he had to think about it.

“Kind of.”

“Why?”

“I just wanted to hang with my friends and you flipped out.”

“We planned to spend the day together with our friends and you practically ignored me.” I started pacing.

“I work every day, I just want to relax and have a good time.”

“I get that Nick. It just seemed like you didn’t want to be with me. You are with Brian and Alex all the time. We barely see each other and only get to talk on the phone. I thought you would want to be with me.”

“I did, but the guys were teasing me.” He sighed.

“Why because you spend all your free time with me?”

“Yeah. I didn’t want them to think I was whipped. I know it was wrong.”

“Nick, I’m not that kind of girl. I don’t care if you hang with your friends. I don’t force you to do things for or with me. We’ve been together for about a month and I hardly see you. I don’t understand why they would say that.” I was mad, but not at Nick. Our friends made me mad. How could they say things like that about me?

“I know, sweetheart. I’m sorry I ever listened to them. I was a jerk to you and I’m sorry. Can we hang out after rehearsal tomorrow?”

“I would love to. I’ll tell Kevin that you’re riding home with him.”

----------------------------------------

“Nick, you want to watch a movie?”

“Sure. What do you have?”

“We have The Bodyguard, City Slickers, It, and Free Willy.” I flipped through the videos.

“The Bodyguard.”

“Good choice. Put it in, and I’ll go get the popcorn and drinks.”

A few minutes later, I came into the living room with the snacks. I placed them on the coffee table and sat down next to Nick on the couch. We started watching the movie. Nick put his arm around me and I snuggled in closer. It felt right. I had missed being in his arms. Part way through the movie, Nick started whispering in my ear.

“I’ve missed this. I love having you in my arms.”

“I missed you kissing me.” I kissed his cheek.

“I missed you soft lips on me.” He kissed my nose.

I kissed him on his nose, then moved to his lips. He deepened the kiss thrusting he tongue into my mouth. Our tongues dueled with each other. We were making up for lost time. Nick’s hand went to the hem of my shirt. Slowly he moved his hand underneath. His cool hands felt good on my warm body. I started sucking on his ear. He moaned in pleasure. The movie was forgotten. His hands moved to my stomach, then up to my breasts. I moaned from his touch. My body had never felt this way. I liked it and wanted more. It was getting hot, so I quickly took off my t-shirt. Nick laid me down on the couch and started kissing my stomach.

“Nick, this feels soooo good.”

“I want you, Ashton.” He started kissing the outline of my bra. My mind was cloudy. I wasn’t thinking about anything but how good it felt to have his lips on my body. Nick moved up to my mouth and started kissing me. His hands roamed my body, quickly finding my breasts. I placed my hands on his ass. I wanted Nick. I needed Nick.

“GET THE FUCK OFF MY SISTER!!!” Kevin yelled.

We quickly broke apart. I found my t-shirt on the floor and quickly put it on.

“What the hell is going on?”

“Umm…Kev…we got a little carried away.” I mumbled.

“You think. This is why I didn’t want you to alone together.”

“We’re sorry Kevin.” Nick apologized.

“Save it for someone else. I know you like each other a lot, but please don’t rush into doing things you are not ready for.”

“Kevin, we’re not going to having sex. I know my limits and my beliefs. Nick respects that.” I tried to calm Kevin down.

“Ashton, you were practically there. If I didn’t come home, what would have stopped you? I think its good you are going to Kentucky for a few weeks.”

“You’re going to Kentucky?” Nick asked shocked.

“Yeah. I leave next week. I’m going to be visiting my mom for three weeks. I was going to tell you tonight” I glared at Kevin. He was always ruining things for me.

“Oh.”

“Nick get your shoes on, I’m taking you home.”

Nick grabbed his shoes and put them on. He gave me a quick kiss. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”

The two weeks before I left for Kentucky went extremely fast. Nick and I barely spent anytime together. I think Kevin planned it that way. He didn’t want me and Nick near each other for fear that we might take our relationship further. 

It was nice being home. I missed my mom. Today my mom and I were meeting Aunt Jackie for a spa day.  

“Ashton tells us about your boyfriend.” Aunt Jackie asked.

“His name is Nick. He’s in the Backstreet Boys. Brian is his best friend. I hated him at first, but now I like him a lot.”

“What’s he look like?” My mom asked while poking at her salad.

“He’s tall, but not as tall as me. He has blonde hair and blue eyes.” I sighed dreamily. I liked Nick so much. He was everything I wanted in a boyfriend.

“Nick sounds handsome. What’s he like?”

“Nick is funny and caring. He likes singing, playing basketball, and video games.”

“He sounds nice. I’m glad you found a nice boy.”

“Thanks mom. He’s everything to me. Kevin is so overprotective of me.”

“He cares about you and doesn’t want to see you get hurt.”

“I know, but he needs to lay off. He freaks out every time we kiss each other.”

“He’s being a protective older brother.” Aunt Jackie laughed. I rolled my eyes.

“I know, but I’m growing up. He’s got to get over it. I’m not a child anymore.”

----------------------------------------------

Boredom was setting in. I missed Nick and all my friends. I wanted to be back in Florida. I had missed Sage’s sweet sixteen party. It would have been a lot of fun. I had no friends in Lexington, so I spent my whole time at home with my mom. I sat on the porch staring at the fields.

“Ashton you have a phone call.” My mom handed me the phone and went back inside.

“Hello.”

“Hey Ashton. How’s Kentucky.”

“Pretty boring. How was your party?”

“It was a lot fun. Everyone was there.”

“Cool. I’m sure it was a lot of fun.” I tried to sound happy, but I wasn’t feeling that way at all.

“Have you talked to Nick today?”

“No. He’s at practice until four. He usually calls me after seven. Why?”

“Umm…I really shouldn’t be saying anything.”

“Tell me, Sage. What happened?”

“He was making out with Jenna Bryant at my party.”

“What?” Nick wouldn’t do that to me. He cared about me to much to do that. How could Sage do this to me?

“He was making out with Jenna for like half of the party. I just wanted to let you know, incase he didn’t say anything.”

“Thanks, Sage.”

“If it was my boyfriend I would expect someone to tell me. I can’t believe he would do that to do. You seemed like the perfect couple.”

“Yeah, looks can be deceiving. Thanks, Sage for telling me. I’m going to go.” I clicked the phone off and ran to my bedroom.

I slammed my door and fell on my bed crying. Why would Nick do this to me? I thought he cared about me. He was such a jerk. I didn’t want to be with him if he could cheat on me so easily. I wasn’t even gone for two weeks and he forgot about me.  All he wanted was to hook up with me. He didn’t even like me. I hated Nick Carter.

-------------------------------------------------

I dialed Nick’s number.  I waited for him to answer. It was going to be the hardest conversation I ever had with him.

“Hello!”

“Hi Nick.” I tried to act normal but I was fuming with anger.

“Ashton, I miss you.”

“I’m sure you do. How was Sage’s party?”

“It was nice. She had a DJ and stuff. AJ had fun dancing.”

“Oh. It sounds like I missed out on a fun party.” I said quietly.

“Is something wrong?”

“No. Why would you say that?” My heart was breaking. Tears were falling down my face.

“You sound different.” Nick sounded concerned.

“So can you tell me about Jenna Bryant?”

“What are you talking about?” He sounded shock. I knew that I threw him for a loop.

“You tell me.”

“She kissed me.”

“That’s not what I heard.”

“Let me guess AJ told you. What a jerk?” He punched the wall next to him.

“It wasn’t Alex. Besides it really doesn’t matter who told me. You were making out with another girl. I thought you cared about me.”

“I do care about you, Ashton. It was a mistake. I was missing you.”

“That’s not an excuse. I miss you, and I’m not finding a guy to make out with in Kentucky.” I yelled at him.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I made a mistake.”

“Were you even going to tell me?”

“No, I wasn’t going to. I wanted to forget that it even happened. I didn’t want to hurt you.”

“Nick, you did hurt me. I would have found out eventually. You broke my trust.”

“I didn’t mean to. I care about you so much. I love you.” Nick started to cry.

“I love you, too. I don’t think I can do this anymore.”

“You can’t break up with me.  I love you.” He pleaded.

“Nick, love just isn’t enough sometimes. You cheated on me. I don’t want to be with someone who can cheat on me so easily. How can I trust you when you become famous and tour the world? Girls will be after you, and you’re going to have to show some self-control. We need to take a break.”

“Fine Ashton. Whatever you want. Just know that I love you and need you in my life.”

I hung up the phone and started bawling. I had never been so heart broken in my life. I thought he loved me, but his actions showed that he didn’t. I couldn’t live without him. He was my everything. I didn’t want to go back to Florida. I couldn’t deal with seeing Nick and not being with him

After I broke up with Nick, I never did go back to Florida. Did you notice a pattern in my life? I tend to run away and hide from life when it gets hard. I am trying to break myself of that pattern. I hadn’t seen Nick for two years. I kept up with what was going on in his life. He was currently dating Kalla Montgomery. She was an up and coming singer touring as the opening act with the Backstreet Boys. I was close with Alex, and he kept me up to date on Nick. I know that I should have moved on, but my heart wouldn’t let me.

I graduated a year early from high school. This was due to the fact that I was homeschooled and worked through the summers. I took a few classes at the University of Kentucky. In the fall, I would be moving to Tampa to go to the University of Tampa. I wanted to be a teacher. Alex told me I picked that college to be closer to Nick. Subconsciously, that might have been true, but I just wanted to be back in Florida. This summer I was going on tour with my brother. I was excited, but not looking forward to seeing Nick with his girlfriend.

I got into my rental car and started driving into Orlando. I was meeting Kevin and the guys at warehouse where they were rehearsing. It felt good to be back. I was excited to see everyone. I pulled in the parking lot and got out.  

“Hey girl! You look beautiful.” Alex walked over to me. My looks had changed in the last two years. I finally stopped growing. My black hair was to my mid back and cut into layers. I got my braces off and my body developed. I look like a woman with sexy curves.

“Thanks. You’re not to bad yourself.” I pulled him into a hug.

“It’s likes you’re a woman now.” I punched him in the arm.

“Alex, I am a woman. Just don’t let Kevin hear that.”

We walked in the warehouse and went to the dance studio. Kevin and Howie were relaxing. Brian was practicing his dance moves. Nick was currently making out with a blonde bombshell that was sitting on his lap.

“Sis. Glad you made it safe. I missed you.” Kevin jumped up and gave me a hug.

“Hello Ashton. You’ve grown up to become a beautiful young woman.” Howie smiled at me.

It felt good to be back. I walked over to Brian. “Boo!” He jumped and turned around.

“Hey, dorkface! I’ve missed you.” He swung me around.

“Guys it’s time to go over the set.” Johnny Wright announced. Nick’s girlfriend got off his lap and patted his ass as he walked away. I rolled my eyes. That was just gross.

I sat and watched the guys. They had improved tremendously since the last time I saw them perform. I watched Nick intently. He was no longer a little boy. He had grown taller than me. He looked manlier. My insides stirred. I still loved him. He stared at my with his ocean blue eyes. I stared right back at him. We held eye contact for at least a minute before he looked away. His girlfriend walked into the room and sat down next to me.

“Hi, I’m Ashton, Kevin’s little sister and Brian’s cousin.” I put my hand out.

“I know who you are. You were Nick’s first girlfriend. He’s over you, so don’t you even think about getting him back.” She wouldn’t shake my hand.

“I would never try to break you and Nick up. I’m sure you are the perfect couple.”

I sat quietly watching the guys. I couldn’t stand Kalla. She wasn’t what I expected Nick to date. She had dyed blonde hair with extensions to make it look longer, big boobs that hung out of her shirt, and jeans so low you could see her thong. It was not pretty. What was Nick thinking? She was the total opposite of me. I was wearing a bright green sundress with a white sweater over top and cute black sandals. I was plain compared to Kalla. She had enough make up on for three people.

-------------------------------

After rehearsal, we decided to all go out for dinner. We went to my favorite restaurant Lorenzo’s. It was a small Italian restaurant near Kevin’s house.

“So what have you been up to?”

“Well, I started college last fall. I took some classes at UK, and I’m transferring to the University of Tampa in the fall.” Nick looked at me. I smiled at him.

“That’s great. What’s your major?” Howie asked.

“Elementary education. I love kids.”

Nick and Kalla were whispering. She kept looking my way, so I knew she was talking about me. She pulled Nick’s face close to her and started kissing him.

“So what’s new with all of you?”

“I’m dating a great girl. Her name is Paige.”

“Howie, I’m so happy for you. You deserve a nice woman.”

“Alex and I are moving in together.”

“Are you sure you want to live with him. He’s a slob.” I teased my cousin.

“Ha ha ha, Ashton. You’re so funny.” Alex punched me in the arm.

“Kevy, he’s picking on me.” I pouted.

“You’re old enough to fight your own battles.” He laughed.

“Remind me of that when I that when I have a boyfriend.”

“That doesn’t count. I will protect you and your heart from a guy.” He looked at Nick. Nick put his head down. Kalla gave me a dirty look and started rubbing Nick’s back. She always had to be touching him. It was disgusting. We all knew they were a couple. She didn’t have to flaunt it in our faces. Nick had his chance with me and blew it. I still cared about him, but I didn’t want him back.

“Nicky are you ready to go home. I want to spend some alone time with you.” She said loudly looking at me. Then she kissed his neck. I can’t believe she would do that in public. Nick didn’t seem to mind. He nodded his head and got up.

“See you guys tomorrow. Nice seeing you Ashton.” He took her hand and left the restaurant.

“Ashton are you excited about going on tour this summer?” Nia asked me as she made potato salad. Kevin and Nia were having a cookout for everyone.

“Yeah. It should be fun.”

“Have you met Nick’s girlfriend?”

“Yeah. She threatened me about Nick.”

“Really. That girl is afraid that he’ll want you back. I can’t say I blame her.” Nia smiled at me.

“I don’t want him back. He had his chance and blew it.”

“Ashton that was two years ago.  He grew up and matured. I think you should give him another chance.”

The doorbell rang and I ran to the door to get it. I opened the door, Nick and Kalla stood there all over each other.

“Excuse me.”

“Oh we’re sorry.” Nick replied and pushed passed me. Kalla gave me the death look and followed Nick.

I stood there in shock. I didn’t expect Nick to be my best friend, but I thought he could at least be civil towards me.

“Hey Ashton. What’s wrong?” AJ noticed something was not right with me.

“It’s nothing. Nick is just being a jerk.”

“Well that’s nothing new especially with Kalla around. I can’t believe he would treat you like that.”

“He’s moved on. I should, too.”

---------------------------

The cookout was in full swing. The guys were relaxing. Nia and I were getting the food ready. Kevin was grilling. Nick and Kalla were practically doing it in front of everyone. I thought it was disgusting. Nick seemed to be enjoying it.

I placed the bowl of pasta salad on the table and sat down.

“Yuck. That is so gross.” I pointed to Nick and Kalla. She was sitting on his laps. His hands were under her shirt.

“That’s all they do. It’s even worse today.” Brian complained.

“I think Kalla is trying to show off in front you. She wants to make you jealous.” AJ remarked.

“That’s stupid. I’m over Nick. I don’t care who he dates. We were together two years ago.”

“Well apparently, he called out your name the first time they had sex. She was pissed.”

I didn’t know how to respond to that. I had always envisioned my first time with Nick. No wonder Kalla hated me. Did Nick still care about me?

“Ashy, are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” I lied. I felt my heart breaking once again. It really shouldn’t have mattered. Nick didn’t belong to me. He was allowed to date and do whatever he wanted.

“Have you been dating?”

“I dated a few guys in Kentucky. Nothing serious. A few dates here and there.”

“That’s good.”

“Yeah.” My thoughts were on Nick. I thought I was over him, but now I wasn’t so sure. Seeing him with another woman hurt me. I wanted to be the one kissing and making love to him. Unfortunately he was with someone, I had to move on.

“So who’s up for some swimming?” Brian announced.

“I am.” I left to get changed.

When I walked outside everyone was in the pool except Kalla and Nick. I was wearing a dark green one piece bathing suit. Nick’s mouth dropped. I smiled at him and continued walking to the pool.

“Wow.” He muttered. Kalla smacked him in the chest.

“Close your mouth. She’s not that hot. She practically covered up like a nun.” She kissed Nick. He got up and went over to the pool.

“Hey Frack.”

“Hi Frick.” Nick couldn’t stop looking at me. I made it a point to ignore him.

“Stop staring at her. You’re gonna piss your girlfriend off.”

“Whatever. God, she’s beautiful.” Nick didn’t take his eyes off of me.

I swam over to Alex. He picked me up and dunked me.

“Alex, stop it.” I giggled.

“Never.” He dunked me again. I came from underneath the water and jumped on his back.

Nick was glaring at Alex and me. I gave him a smile and continued to annoy Alex.

“What’s wrong Nick?”

“Nothing.” He answered with a clenched jaw.

“You seem upset.”

“Brian, I’m fine. Leave me the hell alone.” Nick jumped out of the pool. He found Kalla, got his car keys, and left.

I swam over to Brian. “What’s his problem?” I asked.

“You.”

“Me?”

“Yes. You came prancing out in the bathing suit and he couldn’t handle it.” I laughed at Brian’s comment.

“This bathing suit isn’t exactly on the sexy list.”

“To you it’s not sexy, but to a guy it is. He can see every curve of your body. He hasn’t seen you for two years. You’re all woman now. You shocked him.”

“Did he think I was going to stay fifteen forever? He shouldn’t even be looking my way. He has a girlfriend.”

“Men look regardless. You know nothing about men. You’re sexy without trying to be sexy.” AJ replied.

“Really?”

“Yes, cousin you are. Then when you were playing around with AJ here, Nick was jealous.”

“Oh my. I don’t even like Alex that way.”

“We know that. Nick knows that, but seeing you touching and flirting with him made Nick jealous.”

---------------------------------------

            Men, I can’t figure them out. Apparently Nick thinks I’m sexy as hell and is jealous of the attention I give Alex. Yuck. I love Alex, but not in that way. I’m the one suppose to be jealous of Nick and his relationship with Kalla. I don’t like her, but I’m not going to ruin his relationship with her. I’m not that kind of girl. I’ll admit I wish I was still with him. I realized the moment I saw him again. He is everything I want in a man. He always made me feel complete. The last two years I have felt a void without him in my life.

            I can’t believe they are sleeping together. I want both our first times to be together. Geesh, I am such a dreamer. Well now the fairytale is officially over. I need to move on. Kalla and Nick seem to be in love, so I imagine they will be together a long time. I can’t bear to watch that…I’m moving on.

            I talked to Sage tonight. She is going to hooking me up with one of her boyfriend’s friends. This should be fun. I can’t wait to make Nick jealous. That sounds horrible like I’m only dating this guy to make Nick jealous. I would never do that. It wouldn’t be fair to the guy. Making Nick jealous is just an added bonus. I sound like a nasty person, I’m really not. I’m just confused and jealous myself.

            As my mom always, “Everything will work out how it should in the end.”

The flight to Germany was going to be long. Unfortunately I got stuck sitting with Nick and Kalla. Why was I being tortured? Who could be this cruel?

“Nicky, can you cuddle with me? I don’t like flying.” Kalla baby talked to Nick. He smiled at her and put a blanket of both of them.

“Sure.” He put his arm around her as she cuddle into his chest. I rolled my eyes.

I attempted to take a nap, but Kalla and Nick were whispering sweet nothings to each other. It was enough to make anyone gag. I put my Discman on and tuned them out. I was almost asleep, when I heard Kalla ask the most annoying question.

“Nicky do we get to share a room?” She purred and rubbed his chest.

“No. I have to room with the guys and you are rooming with Ashton.”

“But Nicky, I don’t like her. She wants to take you away from me.” She pouted. “But Nicky, I want to room with you. I love sleeping in your arms.”

I took my Discman off. “Nick you can sleep with her. I room with Brian. I wouldn’t want to ruin your alone time.”

“You don’t have to do that.” He said sincerely. I don’t think he wanted to room with her. He seemed uncomfortable with the whole conversation. I don’t know if was because of Kalla or me.

“I’m doing it for myself. I don’t think I could stand to hear her whining and complaining night after night.” I said rudely. He frowned at me.

“Nicky, see she hates me.” Kalla whined. Nick ran his fingers through his hair. He was clearly frustrated.

“How can I hate you, I don’t even know you.” Kalla was so dumb. How could Nick stand to be with her?

“Nicky, kiss me. I need to feel your lips against mine.” Nick obliged. His lips met Kalla’s, and they didn’t stop to breath. His tongue had to be halfway down her throat. I thought it was kind of rude that they would make out in public. Okay, I thought it was rude to make out in front of me. Kalla was trying to make me jealous. It wasn’t working, well maybe just a smidge. I wouldn’t admit to it in a million years.

“Could you please get a room?” I said loudly. Nick and Kalla broke apart and looked at me. She gave me the evil eye. Nick put his head down.

“Are you jealous?”

“No. Kalla he’s all yours. I hope he cheats on you like he did to me. You deserve him. He’s a great guy.”

“You know that was like two years ago. You like need to move on.”

“Nick, how can you date such a ditz? The sex must be so good because it has to be the only reason you’re with her.”

“Ashton are you jealous?” He asked seriously. I stared at him for about a minute.

“No. I just think Kalla is the wrong girl for you. You need someone who is smart, caring, understanding, and nice to your friends.”

“Nick, ignore her. She just described herself. Ashton wants you back. She better stay away from my Nicky.”

I chose to ignore her because if I didn’t I was going to slap her skanky face. I had enough of Kalla Montgomery.

--------------------------------------------

“Nick and Brian are in room 415. Howie and I are in 416. Kalla and Ashton, you will be in room 417. Alex you are rooming with you mom in 418. She has your key.”

“Can’t Nicky room with me?” Nick winced when she called him Nicky. I knew he hated being called that.

“Sorry Kalla, we don’t want any hanky panky going on. I think it would be in the best interest of everyone if you room with Ashton You will have plenty of time to spend with Nick.” Kevin rubbed his temples. I knew Kalla was giving him a headache.

I grabbed my duffle bag and pulled my suitcase to the elevator. I quickly got in with Alex, Brian, and Howie. We waited for the door to shut.

“Oh my, she is sooooo annoying. Can I sleep on one of your floors?”

“If drill sergeant Kevin wasn’t checking on us I would say yes.” Brian hugged me.

“Oh Nicky can you cuddle with me. I love the way you kiss me. Nicky you’re the bestest boyfriend ever.” I imitated Kalla.

They all busted out laughing.

“Ashton, you’re too much. You have her personality down.”

“If you had to sit next to Nick and her for a whole flight, you could imitate her, too. I thought she was going to swallow him whole. I think they would have done it, if I wasn’t sitting right there. Can’t one of you talk to him?”

“What would we say?”

“Dump the slutty ho.”

“Ashton, I’ve never heard you talk that way.” Brian looked at me.

“I’m sorry Bri. I don’t what came over me. Every time she’s near I want to tear her eyes out.”

“Hmmm…I think you still have feelings for the blond wonder boy.”

“I don’t. Whatever.” The elevator opened and I rushed to my room.

I did not have feelings for Nick. Sure, I cared about him but not as a boyfriend. I didn’t want to see him get hurt. Kalla was going to hurt him. She was going to use him and spit him out. I hated girls like Kalla. Nick deserved better. There were plenty of acceptable women out there for him. Why did he have to choose Kalla? Dating her went against everything he stood for. He never liked girls that were rude, snotty and did not get along with his friends. When did he change? Where did my Nick go? Wait he wasn’t my Nick anymore. I had no right to judge his choice in women. We were no longer together. What I thought didn’t matter. I guess I would try to be nice Kalla. If Nick liked her, I would treat her with respect.

The first concert went extremely well. The boys sang some brand new songs and a few from their favorite artists. The girls adore them, especially Nick. I couldn’t blame them. He had a way with the female population even if he was only sixteen. The guys dancing had improved, also. I still remember the first rehearsal I sat in, when most of them couldn’t dance.

Kalla’s performance was not well received. She sang off key multiple times and danced way too suggestively for the audience. Come on, you’re singing for a bunch of girls. They don’t want to see you act like a slut.

After the concert the older guys went out to a club. Brian, Alex, and I ordered room service and were going to watch a movie. Nick and Kalla, well we all know what they were doing. Yuck!! I needed to get that visual out of my mind. I hoped they were using protection. I would hate to see about bunch of little Kalla’s running around.

“This movie is lame.”

“It’s in German, you dork. You can’t understand it.” I threw a french fry at Brian.

“Let’s play a game of truth or dare.”

“Okay.” I smiled at Alex.

“Are you in Brian?” He nodded his head. “Ashton truth or dare?”

“Truth.”

“Who’s hotter Nick or Howie?”

I rolled my eyes at Alex. That was such a lame question. “Nick. Brian, truth or dare?”

“Dare.”

“I dare you to go on the balcony and tell everyone you are in love with your butt.”

Brian ran to the balcony and started to rub his butt. “I love my butt. It is soooo sexy. I love touching my butt. It’s so tight.”

Alex and I fell to the floor laughing. Brian was hilarious.

“Alex, truth or dare?”

“Truth.”

“Who was your first time with?”

“Sage.”

“When was this?” I asked. Neither of my best friends had told me about this.

“Last week before you came. Ashton, truth or dare?”

I decided to be brave. “Dare.”

“I dare you to go to your room and break up whatever Nick and Kalla are doing.”

I got up and left the room. I quietly tip-toed down the hall to my room. Alex and Brian watched from the hallway. I placed my ear on the door. I could hear moaning.

“Mmmmm…..Nicky.”

“Oh yes….mmmm.”

“Faster Nicky.”

“Ahhh….yessss….Ashton.”

I couldn’t believe he had called out my name while having sex with his girlfriend. Was she that bad he to visualize someone else. I could not finish this dare. As much as I hated Kalla, I don’t think my presence would help the situation.

“What the hell was that Nick. That is like the third time you’ve called out her name.”

“It was an accident.” He ran his fingers through his hair.

“One time yes, but three times, you’ve got to be kidding. Nick, do you want to be with me?”

“Yes, Kalla. I love you. You are the only girl I want to be with. I better go. It’s almost curfew.”

I ran down the hall. I didn’t stop when I got to Brian’s room. I kept going. I had to get away. Alex followed me, and stopped me by the elevator.

“What’s wrong, sweetheart?” He pulled me into his arms.

“Nick is in love with Kalla. I heard him say he loved her.”

“Ashton, I’m sorry you had to hear that. I know you’re in love with him, but he’s moved on. You deserve to find someone who will love you.”

“But I don’t want anyone else. I just can’t stop loving him.” I wiped my eyes on Alex’s shirt.

“I know. I think him and Kalla are going to be together for a long while. You need to move on. Show him that you’re not pining away for him.”

“Alex, you don’t understand. If I can’t be with Nick, I don’t want to be with anyone else. Sure, I hide the fact that I love him in front of everyone, but I’ve never stopped. He hurt me, but I forgive him. I wish I was Kalla especially after I heard him calling out my name during sex. I know that sounds horrible, Alex. I just want to be with him in every way.”

“You have two choices. You can wait for him and hope that he wants the same thing from you. That may take years, if it happens at all. The second choice is to move on and find someone who will love you more than Nick.”

------------------------------------------

(Meanwhile Nick and Brian’s conversation)

Nick walked down the hall to his room. Brian was sitting reading his bible.

“Hey Nick. Did you have a good night with Kalla?”

“It was okay.”

“Doesn’t sound it.”

“Bri, I’m so confused. During sex I called out Ashton name.”

“Dude, that’s like my cousin. Seriously?”

“Yeah. It isn’t the first time it’s happened.”

“Why do you think you keep doing it?”

“I dunno. I mean sex is good with Kalla. Well as good as I know it since she’s my first.”

“Do you think subconsciously you’re wishing it was Ash?”

“Maybe. A little. I always thought my first time would be with her.”

Brian looked like he wanted to die. He didn’t really want to think about Nick liking his favorite cousin in a sexual way. He was trying to be a best friend and help Nick solve his crisis.

“So maybe your heart is trying to tell you something.”

“What would that be?”

“Maybe you still love Ashton. With her being back it makes perfect sense.”

“She broke my heart. I’m over her. I moved on. Though I think about her a lot. She’s gotten even more beautiful and feisty. I couldn’t take my eyes off her the day she came back. For some reason, I’m drawn to her.”

“Nick do you think about Kalla in the same way.”

“I like her a lot. She’s fun, exciting, a little wild. She’s pretty. I guess I don’t feel the same way about her as I do Ashton.” He sighed.

“My suggestion is to stop having sex with Kalla until you know what you want. It’s not going to help you to call out Ashton’s name in the middle of a passionate moment.”

“So true.”

Alex and I were sitting in the lounge backstage relaxing before sound check.

“Alexander James McLean, I’m going to kick your butt.”

“You know you like it?” He continued to tickle my feet. I tried moving my feet but he held my ankles down. I attempted to kick him but couldn’t reach.

“I hate you!” I yelled, giggling every time he touched the bottoms of my feet.

Kalla and Nick walked into the lounge. They sat on the couch across from us. “You two should just get it over with and do it.”

Alex let go of my feet and we both sat up on the couch. What was Kalla thinking?

“Umm….we’re just friends.” Alex was red in the face.

“You could have fooled me. The way you to are always touching and whispering, I thought you liked each other.”  Nick looked pissed. He kept giving Alex and me dirty looks.

“First off you need to mind your own business. Second off you have no right to say anything to me or Alex.”

“Ashton, stop. You don’t need to talk to her like that.” Nick defended Kalla.

“How dare you Nick. I’ve tried being nice to her. Kalla is always butting in where she’s not invited.”

“I’m allowed to talk and say whatever I want to. You just come here and act like a little princess. You expect everyone to bow down to you. I don’t even know why you are on the tour. At least I have a job each night. You’re just mooching off your brother and friends.”

“She’s not mooching off of anyone. You have no right to say anything to her. You’re lucky to be on this tour. The reviews aren’t very nice about your off key singing and your slutty dancing. You wouldn’t even be here if it wasn’t for your boyfriend. Think about that you dirty skank.’ Alex yelled at her and walked away.

Nick sat quietly on the couch with his face in his hands. His day was going to be ten times worse with everyone fighting with Kalla. She would whine and complain about it. Then she would want to have sex. He was not in the mood to make her feel better. Nick just wanted a nap.

“Nicky, you can’t let them talk like that to me. You need to say something.”

“I’m not saying anything. I have to go to sound check.” He got up and left.

“You’re such a bitch. Since you came back from Hicksville nothing’s been the same. Nick hardly pays any attention to me. It’s always about you. The guys are against me. They’re trying to turn Nick against me. Ashton, you’re going down. Nick will always be mine. You will never have him. Everyone may think you’re sweet and innocent, but I know what a nasty bitch you really are. I will win.” Kalla yelled in my face.

“Go to hell Kalla. Do you really think you stand a chance? I’m not going to fight with you over and over. You are not worth it. Nick will see the true you. I won’t have to do anything to show him what kind of girl you really are. I know you’re using him for your career. You have no talent. I’ve heard dogs howling at the moon sound better than your last performance. Don’t threaten me again. I won’t be as nice.” I turned and walked out of the lounge.

----------------------

“What’s up with Kalla? I’ve never seen her so quiet.” Howie whispered to Brian.

“Apparently she and Nick are fighting. She gave major attitude to AJ today. Then she threatened Ashton. Nick is started to get pissed at her.”

“Wow. They should fight more often. I’m enjoying not listening to her obnoxious whiny voice.”

I noticed Howie and Brian whispering. I smiled at them.

“I’d like to make a toast.” Kevin clinked his water glass. “I’m really proud of how hard of us are working. It’s starting to pay off. Let’s keep working hard and getting along. Cheers.”

We all clinked glasses and drank our water.

“Could I speak to Ashton, Nick, Kalla, and Alex privately?” Denise announced. Quickly we followed into the hallway. I was curious about what she wanted.

Kalla stood there smiling. I knew she was up to something.

“I heard about the disagreement you had this afternoon. I know that you are a bunch of teenagers and that in itself is a lot of drama. You are professionals and should act in a professional manner. It is unacceptable to be calling each other names. I expect Alex and Ashton to apologize to Kalla for your rude remarks.” Denise admonished us.

Kalla stood there smirking at us. She thought she had won this round. She had another thing coming.

“Mom, you have it all wrong. Kalla started it. She came in and picked a fight. I was trying to defend myself and Ashton. Why are we getting in trouble?”

“Alexander, that’s enough. I don’t want to hear a peep out of your mouth except for an apology to Kalla. If you can’t do that, you’re ground for two weeks.” She gave her son a look of disappointment.

We didn’t have any choice but to apologize to Kalla. I could apologize but not be sorry.

“Kalla, I’m so sorry I said those mean things to you. I didn’t mean it. I think you are a good singer and improve at each concert.” Alex smiled at me. I could barely contain my laughter.

“Sorry Kalla. I wish you and Nick all the happiness in the world.”

Denise seemed satisfied with our apologies and walked away.

“You won’t win at this game Kalla.”

“Kiss our asses.” Alex said and we walked away.

The tour was slowly winding down. One more show to go in Germany. Then we were heading back to the states. The boys would be headed off to Canada. I would be moving to Tampa to start the fall semester. I was looking forward to moving in with Sage and having fun in college.

“I’m soooooo bored.” I complained. Everyone was sitting in the lounge.

“Let’s play truth or dare.” Alex suggested. He loved playing that game. He had an evil smirk on his face. I knew he was up to something.

“I’m in.”

Kalla, Nick, Brian, Alex, and I decided to play. Howie and Kevin were to mature to play truth or dare.

“Kalla truth or dare?” I asked.

“Umm...like truth.”

“Are your boobs real?

“Ummm….no. I had them done before I met Nicky.” I laughed. The girl was so fake and now she admitted it. The look on Nick’s face was priceless. I couldn’t believe he didn’t know the difference between real and fake boobs.

“Truth or dare AJ.”

“Dare.”

“I dare you to sit for the entire game in your boxers.” Alex did what Kalla dared him to do. He quickly took off all his clothes except his boxers and sat back down.

“Ashton truth or dare?”

I thought about it for a moment. I decided to be daring today. “Dare.”

“I dare you to make out with Nick in the dressing room for five minutes.” I raised my eyebrow. Was he serious? What was Alex trying to do?

“That’s not fair. He has a girlfriend. That would be cheating.” Kalla cried out.

“It’s a game. It’s not cheating. Boyfriends and girlfriends don’t count in truth or dare.” Alex set Kalla straight.

“Are you okay with this Nick?” I whispered to him.

“It’s fine. I don’t really have a choice.”

We both got up and walked into the dressing room. I plopped on the couch and Nick sat next to me.

“We don’t have to do this. We can pretend we kissed. No one will ever know.”

“Ashton, let just get this over with.”

Our faces moved in closer. My lips were barely touching his. I could feel his breath on my face. It gave me chills. He slowly licked his lips and placed his lips on mine. It felt a spark of desire I hadn’t felt in a long time. I felt like I had gone back two years. I intensified the kiss by placing my tongue in his mouth. Our tongues were fighting a battle. Nick’s hands went to my hair. My hands were on Nick’s chest. He felt more muscular than he did two years ago.

“Mmmmm….Nick.” My breathing was heavy.

Nick stopped kissing me. “We can’t.”

“I’m sorry.” I put my head down. I couldn’t look him in the eye.

“Ashton, look at me.” My head went up and I stared into his deep blue eyes. “That kiss felt so right, but I have a girlfriend I really care about. I plan on being with Kalla for a long time. I think you need to move on. Stop pining away for me. I can’t stand to see the looks you give me. I care about your happiness. You need to find someone who will love you.” Nick walked out of the dressing room.

“Aaaahhh! I hate Nick Carter. You have no right to tell me how to feel or who to love.” I screamed and threw a hairbrush at the door.

I flopped on the couch and burst into tears. A few minutes later Kevin walked in. He sat down next to me and hugged me.

“Ashton it will be okay. He’s not worth the tears.”

“Kevin, I love him so much. I don’t want to be with anyone else.”

“I know you care for him, but there are so many great guys out there waiting to meet you.”

“I only want Nick. I’d rather be alone.”

“Should I start calling you Sister Ashton?” He joked. I punched him in the arm. “Seriously, how do you know Nick is the only guy for you? You don’t. Ashton, you need to start dating and be open to other guys. You might find your prince charming. You’ve only dated Nick, please see what else it out there.”

I thought about what he said. In my mind I knew he was right, but my heart was feeling differently. My heart wanted Nick. I knew in my heart that Nick was the only one for me. I was going to try to move on with my life, but Nick would hold my heart forever.

“You’re right Kevy. I fell hard for Nick and it didn’t work out. Part of it was my own fault for running away.”

“Yeah you need to stop running when things get hard or don’t go your way. Give it time and explore your options. If you and Nick are truly meant to be it will happen. I don’t see him and Kalla lasting more than a few more months. He’ll get tired of her.”

“What does he see in her?”

“Well in his mind she’s hot. She has big boobs and a nice ass. She lavishes him with so much attention. Plus they’re sleeping together. Everything a horny sixteen year old guy wants in a girl.”

“I wasn’t like that and he liked me.”

“Ashton, your relationship with Nick was different. You were his first real love. He liked you for the person you were. You were friends and had fun together. This thing with Kalla is all physical. Just remember guys can be shallow.”

“Were you ever like that?”

“Yes. I dated this one girl because she had a killer body. Biggest mistake of my life. Then I met Nia and the rest is history. I wouldn’t give that girl a second glance now. Ashton, just realize your time will come. Be patient.”

“I love having all this freedom.”  Sage commented. We were finally in our dorm away from our parents and family.

“It is awesome.”

“You wanna go to the dorm social. We can go meet some hot guys.”

“Yeah. I’m ready.” I grabbed my keys.

“You’re finally going to move on. I’m so proud of you.”

“Shut up. I got some good advice. I’m not going to wait on Nick anymore.”

We walked into the lobby. It was filled with a bunch of people. People were dancing, playing pool or just chatting. There were hot guys everywhere. It was going to be a fun night.

“Hey girls. I’m Pete and this is Marc.”

“Nice to meet you. I’m Ashton.” I smiled at Pete. He was hot. He had dark brown spiky hair. Pete was tall and muscular.

“Where are you from?”

“Originally from Kentucky.”

“A southern belle.” He flirted with me.

“Hardly. Where are you from?”

“Well, I’m from Pennsylvania. My major is psychology. I’m a junior and I play soccer.”

“Nice. I’m majoring in elementary education and I don’t play sports.”

We continued to chat. Pete seemed like a great guy. He was funny and charming. We never ran of things to talk about. Sage was busy talking to his friend. I think college was going to be a lot of fun.

--------------------------------------

The next day Pete had invited me to go out for ice cream. Of course, I said yes.

“So Ashton, I really like hanging out with you.”

“Same here Pete. You’re a lot of fun.” I felt giddy.

“You have some ice cream on your lip.” He brushed his lips against mine. He feathered light kisses on my lips. It felt amazing.

“Wow!” Pete laughed at me.

“I take it that you liked that.”

“More than you ever know. You’re a good kisser.”

“Back at you, Ashton. You’re so refreshing. I’m tired of all this overly made up girls that are fake. You’re genuine.”

“Thank you. I think you’re pretty special.”

“I know we just met, but I can’t take my eyes off of you. Let’s go for a walk.”

My mind was on Pete. He was all I could think of. As I walked toward the door I ran into someone.

“I’m sorry.”

“Ashton.”

“Nick. I didn’t mean to bump into you.”

“It’s ok. Who’s your friend?” He looked at Pete.

“This is Pete. Pete this is Nick. He works with my brother.” Pete kissed the top of my head. Nick looked surprised.

“Nice to meet you, Nick. Ashton you ready.” I nodded my head.

“It was great seeing you again Nick.”

We walked out of the ice cream parlor. Nick watched us from the window. I detected a bit of jealously. Now he knew how I felt.

-----------------------------------------

“Ashton, you seem really happy. These past few weeks have been great for you.”

“I’m enjoying college. My classes are easy.”

“I think you are enjoying more than just your classes.” Sage remarked.

“I love spending time with Pete. He is so sweet. Yesterday we had a romantic dinner on the beach.”

“I’m glad you found a nice guy. It’s nice not hearing the name Nick.”

“Yeah! It is.” I said quietly. I liked Pete a lot. He was everything a girl could want, but…there was always a but. I was still in love with Nick. I tried to keep it on the down low.

“Don’t tell me you still have a thing for Nick.” Sage sighed.

“Fine. I don’t have a thing for Nick.” She threw a pillow at me.

“Ashton you have to get over him. Pete and you have a great thing going. Don’t let Nick ruin it. He’s happily in love with Kalla. You need to free yourself from the ghost of Nick.”

“How can I just stop loving someone?”

“I dunno, but I talked to Alex this evening. He said Nick was talking about you.”

“What did he say?” I knew it wasn’t going to be good. He had seen me and Pete together a number of times in Tampa.

“He said that you were all over Pete in public. That is was really disgusting to be that way in public. He also said you’re acting like a bitch.”

“Whatever I don’t need him. I have Pete. He likes me the way I am.” I smiled.

“Are you going to sleep with him?”

“Sage, I’ve only being dating him for three weeks. We’re not even a couple. I haven’t even thought about sleeping with him.”

“He’s such a sexy guy. I already slept with Marc.”

“Sage, you will sleep with anyone. I mean you slept with Alex just because you wanted to.”

“Alex is fine. It was a mutual thing. I really like Marc. If you were with Nick, would you have slept with him?”

I knew the answer, but I didn’t know if I was ready to share that information. It was kind of weird to be talking about sleeping with him, when I was dating a fantastic guy.

“Well, I always thought Nick would be my first.” That was the safest answer I could give.

“Now you have a real man. Pete is older and most likely knows how to please a woman.” Sage and I busted out laughing.

Tonight Pete was taking my out for a special romantic dinner. I was looking forward to spending a romantic evening with him. We were officially boyfriend and girlfriend. It was our one month anniversary.

“Ashton, you prince charming is here.”

I walked out of my bedroom. I was wearing a little black dress and a pair of killer black heels. My hair was pulled into a French twist.

“Wow. You look gorgeous.” Pete’s mouth dropped. He smiled at me. My heart melted every time he smiled at me.

“Thank you. See you later Sage.

She walked up to me and whispered in my ear. “Make sure you use protection.” She laughed. I pushed her away.

Pete and I walked to his car.

“Mmm…you smell as good as you look.” He opened the door and I got in.

I was extremely nervous for some reason. I couldn’t get Sage’s comment out of her mind. I really liked Pete, but was I ready to sleep with him. Things seemed to be getting serious in our relationship. I decided to take it one moment at a time.

“Ashton, you okay?”

“Yeah. I was thinking about something Sage told me earlier.”

“You care to share?” I smiled at him.

“Nah, I’ll pass this time.” I giggled.

We rode to the restaurant in a comfortable silence. Pete was such a gentleman. He came around and opened my door. Once inside the restaurant we sat at a quiet corner table.

“Ashton can you believe we’ve been together for a month?”

“I know. It seems like so much longer.”

“My life wouldn’t be the same without you.” He placed a kiss on my hand. I blushed at his compliment.

“Pete, you came into my life at the right time. Things were rough especially when it came to love. You showed me that love is a wonderful thing.” I gave him a quick kiss on the lips.

The waiter brought our dinner. We ate and continued to talk quietly over our meal. I excused myself to the restroom.

“Oh it’s you.”

“Well hello to you, Kalla. What brings you to such a classy restaurant?” I noticed the dress she was wearing. I wouldn’t exactly call it a dress. It was more of a long shirt.

“Nick and I are out with my parents. We are celebrating their wedding anniversary. Why are you here?” She asked like I was a third class citizen.

“I’m celebrating my one month anniversary with my boyfriend.”

“You finally moved on. Thank the lord. I thought you were going to end up a lonely woman pining away for Nick. You were so obvious this summer. Nick and I would laugh about it all the time.”

“Yeah well, Pete is way more of a man than Nick will ever be.” I dried my hands and walked out of the restroom.

When I got back to the table, there was a long black box at my place. “Is that for me?” Pete nodded.

I quickly opened the box and saw a beautiful ruby tennis bracelet. “Pete, it’s beautiful. You didn’t have to. I don’t have anything for you.” I gushed as he put it on my wrist.

“You are the most incredible woman I’ve been with. You deserve to be treated like a princess. I don’t know how that other guy treated you, but I want to give you the world. Tonight is about you, don’t you ever worry about getting me a gift. You’re my gift.”

My heart melted. Pete was the sweetest guy I had ever met. Nick had never treated me that way. Granted he was fourteen when we dated. I was the luckiest woman in the world.

“I love you Pete. Let’s go back to your place.” I kissed him on the lips.

Nick sat there watching the scene we were making. He was not thrilled about what was happening. He wanted Ashton to be happy, but not with this Pete guy. He didn’t like Pete.

-----------------------

“Ashton.” Pete’s mouth met mine. I needed to kiss him. I needed to touch him. I needed to be with him completely.  My desire for him was a need I felt in my entire body. I yearned to be touched and loved by the man I loved.

My tongue entered his mouth. As our tongues dirty danced, his hands moved to my hair. He pulled the clip and my hair cascaded down to my shoulders. My hands moved to his waist. I could feel him shiver from my touch.

“Ashton, you feel so good in my arms.” He feathered kisses up to my ear. Then he slowly sucked on my ear lobe. It was so erotic. I could hardly contain myself. I straddled his lap and started sucking on his bottom lip.  Slowly his hand moved to the zipper at the top of my dress. I was suddenly nervous. I had never gone this far with a guy.

“Pete, be gentle with me. It’s my first time.” I whispered. I prayed that he wouldn’t freak out about being with a virgin.

“Ashton Jeanette, I’m going to be so very gentle with you. You’re my princess and I’m going to make sure your first time is special. I love you.” My heart melted. Who could ask for a better boyfriend?

We went back to kissing. I trailed kisses down his neck and collar bone. He gently removed my dress from my arms. Time was standing still. Every little thing seemed to last for minutes. My mind was in a haze. Pete cupped my breast as he kissed my chest. Slowly he took off my bra. His hand went to my breast. I moaned.

“Mmmm….Nnnniiiccckkk….that feels….soooo….good.” I called out.

Pete stopped what he was doing and looked at me. I realized what I called out. I quickly pulled my dress up and ran into the bathroom.

“Ashton, please come out.”

“No, I can’t. I’m so sorry Pete.” I sobbed from his bathroom. There was no way I could look him in the face. It was mortifying to call out another guy’s name. Why did it have to be Nick’s? Why couldn’t I forget Nick even existed?

“We need to talk about this. I’m not mad at you, honey.” Pete said sweetly. He didn’t even sound mad.

I slowly opened the door and came out. Pete wrapped me in his arms. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to do that.”

“Ashton, I care about you so much. Who’s this Nick guy?”

We both sat on the couch. How was I going to explain Nick to him? It was a complicated situation.

“Remember that friend of my brother’s that we always seem to run into.  That’s Nick.”

“Oh the tall blonde guy. What happened with him?” Pete was curious about Nick. He seemed to show up almost everywhere they went.

“He was my first serious boyfriend. I was fifteen, and he was fourteen.”

“Those are hard years to be in love.” Pete rubbed my shoulders.

“Yeah. At first we hated each other. Then we became a couple. Our relationship ended very quickly.”

“That sucks. What cause you to breakup?” He looked straight into my eyes. I didn’t understand how Pete could be so calm about me calling out another guy’s name. Now he was listening to me talk about Nick. Pete was such a great guy. I was lucky to be dating him.

“He cheated on me. I had gone to Kentucky to visit my mom. He went to a party and made out with another girl. I can’t stand cheating. I had no choice to break up with him.”

“I agree. Cheating is a deal breaker. If you care about someone then you don’t cheat. I think a kiss is considered cheating. If you are in love with someone you wouldn’t want to kiss someone else.”

“Pete, I’m sorry about what happened. I didn’t mean to call out his name. Can you forgive me?”

Pete gave me a quick peck on the lips. “I know you are. You wouldn’t purposely do that. You are not that kind of girl. I’m sure you thought your first time was going to be with him. Your mind was using its memory of that. We all do embarrassing things. I’ve done lots of stupid things.”

“Like what?” I challenged him.

“Well the first time I got frenched, I burped into the girl’s mouth.”

“Eww. That is so gross.” I fell back on the couch laughing. Pete kissed me. I knew things were going to work out with Pete.

------------------

I had just finished doing aerobics. I was trying to stay in shape. My phone rang. I ran into my bedroom to get it.

“Hello!”

“Hey sissy.”

“Kevy. How are you?” I hadn’t heard from him in a few weeks. I missed talking to him.

“I’m doing well. They are keeping us very busy. Canada was a lot of fun. How’s college?”

“That’s great Kevin. College is great. I love it. My classes are easy. I have a boyfriend.” I rattled on a mile a minute.

“I heard about your boyfriend. Nick says he’s a pretty boy and a grass fairy.”

“Nick is stupid. He has no right talking about my boyfriend. I mean look who he’s dating.” I grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge.

“Will you two ever stop?” Kevin sounded annoyed.

“I doubt it. Anyway, Pete is a great guy. He’s a junior and psych major. He’s the sweetest guy and treats me like a princess. You would like him Kevin.”

“He sounds great. What are you doing on October third?”

“Nothing. It’s your birthday.”

“Nia is having a get together for mine and your birthdays.” It would be awesome to see Kevin and all the guys. I missed everyone. I hadn’t seen them since the beginning of August.

“That sounds like fun. Can I bring Pete?”

“Of course. I want to have a talk with this young man. I need to give him the older brother lecture.” I rolled my eyes. Why couldn’t he let me handle my life on my own?

“Kevy, don’t humiliate me in front of him. I really like him. I don’t need you scaring him away.”

“I promise to have a nice chat with him. Make sure to invited Sage and her new man to the party. I got to go. I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

------------------------

“Sage what are you going to wear to the party?”

“I was thinking about my green skirt and black tank top. Marc loves that outfit.”

“Aww, that’s so cute. How’s Marc?”

“He’s doing well. Why didn’t you tell me you almost did it with Pete?” I raised an eyebrow at her.

“I embarrassed myself in front of him. I’m sure Marc told you what happened?”

“Yeah. I can’t believe you moaned Nick’s name. I would have died.” Sage sighed dramatically.

“I have never felt so bad. Pete was very nice about it. I found that kind of odd.”

“Yeah, most guys would be pissed at you for saying another guy’s name. Do you still have feelings for the infamous Nick Carter?” She probed. I would not answer that question. I would keep it until I was in my grave.

“No, I don’t have feelings for him. I did run into Kalla that night. She was pissy as usual. Maybe that’s why I called out his name.” I lied

“Ashton, stop. I’m your best friend. You’re not telling the truth.”

“Sage, I’m with a great guy. Why would I want to ruin that? Nick is with Kalla. Even if I still had feelings for Nick it would be pointless. I’ve moved on. It’s been over for a long time. I love Pete. He’s the only guy for me.”

“Ashton, you’re going to get hurt or hurt Pete in the process. You need to get over Nick or tell him how you feel.”

“As if it were that easy.” I huffed and left the cafeteria.

The party was in full swing when I got there. Sage and Marc were running late, so we got there an hour after the party started.

“Happy Birthday, Kevy.” I gave him a hug and kiss.

“Happy almost birthday to you. I can’t believe you’ll be eighteen tomorrow.” I blushed. Kevin could be so embarrassing at times.

“I’d like you to meet Pete. Pete, this is my brother Kevin.”

“It’s nice to meet you. Your sister has said so many nice things about you.” He shook Kevin’s hand.

“Same with you. Would you like something to drink?”

“Sure.”

“Come with me.” Kevin was going to have “the talk” with Pete. They walked away leaving me standing all by myself.

“Ashton, you’re looking hot.”

“Nia! I missed you so much.”

“I missed you to. I love the dress. You look sexy. I saw your boyfriend with Kev. He’s very hot. You know how to pick them.”

“Thanks. Pete’s the sweetest guy. He is everything a girl could want.” I bragged about Pete. He was the nicest boyfriend a girl could want. He never seemed to get upset about anything. We always talked about everything. I don’t think we fought once since I knew him. All my friends wished their boyfriends acted like him. He was so open and would talk about anything.

“He seems gay to me.” Nick remarked snidely. I just looked at him.

“Well at least I’m not dating the world’s skankiest slut.”

“Stop it. This is party for Kevin and Ashton. We don’t need to ruin it with insults. If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.” Nia admonished us. Nick walked away.

“I’m sorry Nia. He just gets to me.”

“I think that’s his plan. He knows how to get to you. I would keep away from him. Be the better person.”

“I know. I’m going to go find Pete.”

----------------

“Ashton, it’s officially your birthday.” Pete’s tongue parted my lips. We sat on the deck steps kissing.

“Yea! I’m an adult. You’re finally dating an adult.” I giggled.

“I love you so much. Happy Birthday.” He handed me an envelope. I quickly opened it. There were two tickets to Arizona.

“Wow! Thank you.” I was surprised he would get me something so extravagant.

“I wanted to take you some place special. Plus my mom and her boyfriend live in Phoenix. I want them to meet you.”

“I feel honored. I love you Pete.” My lips moved to his. The kiss was more passionate than ever before. I wanted Pete. I was completely ready to make love to him. My hands moved to his hair. His tongue invaded my mouth. I forgot about anything else in the world at that moment. I just wanted Pete. His hands came to my breasts. I moaned in pleasure.

“Would you get a room?” Some jerk yelled. I gave them the finger and continued sucking on Pete’s bottom lip. His hands were on my waist bringing me closer to him. I was rubbing his crotch.

“I can’t believe you would actually do it in public.” The guy said rudely. I realized it was Nick. I broke the kiss and we stood up.

“Nick, shut the hell up. Just because you’re jealous of my relationship doesn’t mean you have the right to ruin it. Why don’t you go find your nasty ass girlfriend and get laid?” I shouted at him.

“Ashy, I’ll be back. I need to use the restroom.” Pete whispered at me. I gave him a quick peck on the lips. He quickly got up and left.

“Aww how sweet, he has to whisper sweet nothings in your ear.”

“Bite me.”

“No thanks.”

“You’re such an asshole, Nick. I can’t believe I ever loved you.”

“The feeling is mutual. I never knew what a bitch you were.” He moved closer to me.

“Why aren’t you with your hobag girlfriend?” I inched away from him.

“Do you always have to say something negative about her? I’ve never known you to judge someone so harshly?” He moved closer to me.

“This time I have to call it like I see it. What happened to dating a normal girl?” I scooted away from Nick.

“You mean girls like you. Maybe I’m tired of the sweet, innocent girls. Maybe I want a sex kitten. Maybe I’m trying to forget you.” He grabbed my arm and pulled me close to him. I tried fighting him, but he grabbed my arm. I could feel the animal attraction he was emitting. His eyes were filled with sexual desire. I couldn’t look at him.

“Let go of me. This may work for Kalla, but I’m not your slut.” I attempted to wiggle out of his hold.

Nick’s lips crushed my mouth. It was the hottest kiss I had ever received. At first I tried to struggle. I needed to stay away from him. I had a boyfriend that I loved more than life itself. Moments later that was all forgotten. Nick’s tongue slid into my mouth and fought a duel with mine. I had never felt more like a woman than I did at that moment. Nick held my wrists, so I couldn’t move. He sucked on my neck, then moved back to my lips. Without notice, he let go of my wrists and ended the kiss. Then he walked away. I stood there stunned. What was going on?

“She’s all yours. I don’t want someone’s sloppy seconds. Enjoy the frigid bitch.” Nick told Pete as he walked past him.

“Ashton, what the hell is going on?” Pete yelled at me.

“He forced me into that kiss.” I cried. Tears were pouring down my face.

“That’s not what it looked like to me.” I had never seen Pete look so angry.

“I didn’t want to kiss him. I’m so sorry.”

“That’s not what it looked like to me. You looked like long lost lovers reuniting. You’ve never kissed me like that.”

“I’m sorry. It was a mistake. I didn’t mean for it to happen.” I didn’t know how many times I as going to have to apologize. My heart was breaking.

“Sorry doesn’t even matter to me. We’re through.” Pete walked away. He was gone for good. I fell to the ground bawling.

Sitting in bed eating ice cream was all I had managed to do the last few days. Pete wouldn’t answer any of my calls. I knew he was upset, but I thought we could work it out.  I was confused about this whole situation. I loved Nick, but the way he treated me was uncalled for. I attempted to be civil to him, and all I got in return was insults. He didn’t want to be with me, but he felt the need to kiss me like we were lovers.

Sage walked into my room at sat down at my desk.

“Has Pete talked to you yet? “

“No. I think it’s over between us. He thinks I purposely kissed Nick back.” I sighed. I was frustrated.

“Did you?” I looked at her like she grew six heads.

“NO!! He held my wrists so I couldn’t move. I tried fighting him, but he was relentless about this kiss.”

“You’re feisty enough when it comes to insults. Why couldn’t you just knee him in the balls? I think you liked it more than you’re letting on.”

“Thanks a lot. You think I’m a cold hearted bitch that enjoys ruining her relationship because she liked the way her ex-boyfriend kissed her.” I huffed. Sage was making me mad.

“See you just admitted it. You liked the feel of Nick’s lips on yours.”

“Fine. I liked it. Nick just does something to me. I can’t explain it.”

“Hey I’m not judging you. As your best friend, I want you to be happy. If you had to choose, which would it be Pete or Nick?” She asked curiously.

“Well…umm… Pete is a great guy. He’s funny, handsome, sensitive, caring. I could talk to him about anything and he would listen. Most guys don’t like all that talking crap, but he would listen and talk about all kinds of relationship things. He never made me feel stupid. Nick was my first love. I had so many first moments with him. He’s consumed so many years of my life that I can’t see my life without him. His kisses send chills down my spine and make me think naughty things. Even though we fight all the time, I find it sexy. What I feel for Nick, I’ve never felt about anyone else.” I explained trying to make some sense about how I was feeling.

“It’s that feeling that no other man matters except him. It’s like going through the motions. I feel the same way about Marc.”

“That is exactly how I feel, but after the things Nick said about me, I don’t know if I could ever forgive him.”

“AJ told me that he called you a frigid bitch. That was wrong.”

“I know. He only said it to Pete to make me mad. Nick was successful in hurting my feelings. If he cares about me so much, why would he stoop so low?”

“He knew the kiss would upset Pete. I’m sure he found out about the whole cheating conversation you had with Pete. I remember you telling AJ about it. Nick wants you or he wouldn’t have broken you and Pete up. Being the typical man, he wants his cake and to eat it too. He’s getting some from skank ho, but he wants a real relationship with you. You are all substance and she’s all sex. You need to find a way to sex yourself up around him.”

“But that’s not me. I’m Miss Pure and Innocent. I’m never going to be as sexual as Kalla.” I groaned.

“I think there’s a sex goddess hiding somewhere inside that innocent act you put on. You are so feisty about everything. That will come out in bed.” Sage laughed. I smiled. I hoped one day Nick would be able to see me as a sex goddess.

-----------------

After my talk with Sage the other day, I felt better. I realized that my relationship with Pete would have never moved any further. Yes, I liked him, but I think we were more like friends. He only proved to me how much I truly loved Nick.

The weather was sunny and warm. I decided to take a walk on the beach. I watched the waves crash along the beach. The seagulls were flying around. I had never seen such a beautiful day. My mind was is a daze. I didn’t see the storm clouds in the sky. The sky opened up and rain fell down. It was pouring so hard I wasn’t able to see a thing.  There was no way I could make it to the dorm. I saw a house in the distance. Maybe someone would be home. I ran as fast as I could in the hard wet sand. It seemed like I was going no where. About five minutes later, I took the steps to the porch of the house.

I knocked on the door. Nobody answered the doors. I stood in the cold rain, praying someone would be home. I pounded on the door again and waited. I saw a light turn on. Someone was home. I knocked even louder. The door finally opened.

“Ashton.”

“Nick.”

“Ashton, what are you doing in the rain?” He asked.

“I was taking a walk and it start to pour.” I answered as I stood in the rain. We were both silent for a moment. “Can I come in? I don’t want to stand in the rain.”

“Sure.” I walked past him and stood in his kitchen.

My clothes were soaked and clung to my body. My hair was stuck to my head. I was a sight for sore eyes. I started to shiver because the air condition was cranked very high. Nick looked at me but didn’t say anything.

“Do you have any towels I could dry off with?” I asked him. I didn’t want to be wet anymore.

“Yeah. Let me go get them. I’ll be back in a few.” He walked away and left me standing alone in his kitchen.

I stood in Nick’s kitchen shivering. What was taking so long? Was he trying to let me die from the cold and wet? Why did I have to stop at his house? Was this fate’s sick and twisted game?

“Here’s you go.” Nick threw a towel at me. I just looked at him. He didn’t need to be such a jerk.

“Thanks.”

I started drying off with the towel, but it wasn’t helping. I was still wet and chilled to the bone. I wasn’t about to ask Nick for anything else. I knew I was a bother to him. Nick watched me as I attempted to dry off.

“So how’s Pete?” Nick asked smugly. He was trying to make me mad.

“I wouldn’t know. According to him, I cheated on him when you kissed me.” I huffed. I continued to shiver. Nick didn’t seem to care.

“I think you kissed me back.” He said slightly amused. I didn’t think it was funny.

“You’re such a prick.”

Nick chose to ignore me. He stared at my body. He could see everything with my wet clothes. Nick didn’t seem as relaxed as he did when I first got to his house.

“According to you Nick, I’m a bitch.”

“Well According to you Ashton, I’m a prick.”

“According to you Nick, I’m innocent, a giant, and no good.” I put the towel on the counter.

“According to you I date skanks, am a jerk, and am dumb.”

“Nick, you think I’m snobby and not sexy.” I inched closer to him.

“You think I’m shallow, immature, and idiotic.” Nick moved closer to me. We were standing an inch apart from each other.

“Nick, you think I’m snooty, better than every one else, and frigid.” My lips met his. The kiss was pure and hard. My anger had been unleashed in this kiss.

“According to you, I’m over sexed, over paid, and just a pretty face.” Nick placed a kiss on my mouth. This kiss was mostly anger, but laced with desire.

Nick’s hands reached for my waist. He pulled me in so that our bodies were touching. It felt like heaven being so close to him. I wasn’t cold anymore. Our bodies were radiating enough heat to dry my clothes immediately. I felt his lips on my ear. He sucked gently causing me to moan. My hands were on his ass. What a nice ass he had!  Nick’s mouth trailed kisses from my ear to my collar bone. He stopped and licked my collar bone. I wanted Nick. I needed Nick now.

“Nick.” I moaned.

“Mmmm…Ashton. This feels so right.”

I smiled at him. It did feel right. I wanted to be in this moment forever. I took his hand and walked into the living room.

“Ashton, let’s just go to the bedroom.” He pulled me in the other direction. My mind was in a haze.

Once we got into the bedroom, Nick’s lips met mine. My hands were in his hair. His hands were on my ass pushing my body closer to his. My tongue opened his mouth and started exploring. Nick’s hands were on the hem of my shirt. Slowly he pulled it up and started to take it off. We broke the kiss for a moment; then our lips were back to together. Moments later Nick was covering my chest in butterfly kisses. His hands moved to my bra. He cupped my breasts as he kissed my stomach.

“You’re beautiful Ashy. I’ve never wanted anyone as much as I want you now.”

“Nick take me completely. I’ve never wanted anyone except you.” I sucked on his ears causing him to moan with satisfaction.

“Are you sure?” I nodded my head. I couldn’t talk anymore.

He picked me up and placed me on the bed. Quickly he undressed me and then himself. I was excited and nervous about making love with Nick.

“Nick, please be gentle with me. It’s my first time.” I whispered feeling childish.

“I will be gentle, sweetheart. I won’t hurt you, I promise. I love you.”

My heart melted. We were ready to make love.

------------------------------------------

The sun was shining when I woke up. I looked at the alarm clock and it was six in the morning. I smiled to myself when I remembered the night before. It was perfect. It was special. It was everything I wanted with Nick and more.

“Good morning, Ashton.”

I turned over and saw Nick smiling at me.

“Hey sexy.” I kissed his nose. For a moment neither of us said anything. I didn’t know what you were supposed to say after a night of making love.

“Ashton last night was great. It was the best sex I’ve ever had.” Nick smiled at me. I laid my head on his chest.

“I agree Nick, but it was my only time.” I giggled.

“I really care about you Ashton, but I have a girlfriend.” Why did he have to bring Kalla up? He was ruining my moment of bliss.

“Nick, I love you. You told me you loved me last night. Was it the truth or did you lie to me to get me in your bed?” I sat up.

“Ashy, it’s not that simple. Yes, I love you. I always have. Things with Kalla are difficult at best.” He got up and put his boxers on.

“Nick, I’m going to make it simple for you. You need to pick Kalla or me. I’ll give you to Halloween to decide. I want you to know that I love you more than anyone in this world. I can see us married with a ton of children. I see us as grandparents. Everything in my life involves you.”

“Ashy, I care about you.”

“I know you do. We can’t see each other right now. I want you to think hard about what whom you see yourself with forever. I contact you on Halloween and you can let me know who you choose. Just remember, if you pick Kalla and she breaks your heart; there will never be a you and I. “

“Gee, you don’t leave me much choice do you.”

“You always have a choice Nick. One choice will bring you life long happiness and the other won’t.” I quickly put my clothes on and left Nick’s house.

Nick was over an hour late for rehearsal. After Ashton left, he went back to sleep. It was the most peaceful sleep he had, except when she was in his arms. He couldn’t get last night out of his mind. Everything seemed right when he was with Ashton. The guys were going to be ticked that he was over an hour late. Kevin would kill him if he ever knew what happened.

“Where have you been?” AJ asked impatiently.

“Umm…I overslept and got stuck in traffic.” Nick lied.

“Kevin’s having a coronary.”

“Whatever, J. I’m here. Where’s everyone else?”

“They are practicing their dancing. I needed some water.”

“Oh.” Nick smiled. Nick was in such a good mood, he didn’t even mind if Kevin yelled at him all day.

We walked into the room, and Kevin gave me a glare. Nick waved and smiled. The guys started practicing the moves. Nick was doing extremely well with the new dance moves. His body was relaxed from the wonderful night he had. Nothing could bring him down.

“Nick, you’re doing so much better today. It’s like you learned to dance overnight.” Fatima, our choreographer said in amazement.

“Thanks.” Nick smiled sexily.

“Take a 10 minute break and we’ll start the next dance.”

“Nick, why were you late?” Kevin stood there with an attitude.

“My alarm didn’t go off. Then I got stuck in traffic. I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.” Nick apologized. He just wanted Kevin off his back.

“What is up with you man? You’re like somebody else.” AJ sat on the floor.

“I don’t know what you are talking about?” Nick played dumb.

“It’s like you got laid by some hot chick.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“Well you’re all relaxed and Joe Cool like.” AJ pointed out. Something was up with Nick.

“Maybe I did.” He giggled.

“Shit, you are giggling like a girl. What happened? I know this has nothing to do with Kalla.”

“Well I had made love with this incredible girl. It was amazing and way better than with Kalla.”

“Wow! Who was this wonderful chick? You made love? ”

“I’m not going to say. Yes, it was different than anything I ever experienced. It wasn’t just sex, it was so much more. ” Nick picked at the bottom of his shirt.

“She must be hot in bed if you aren’t saying anything. You going to do her again?” AJ wanted the info.

“I would love to.”

“What about Kalla?”

“I’m going to break up with her. All we do is fight. It’s not worth it.”

“Thank goodness. I’m glad you came to your senses. Maybe now you can get with Ashton.”

“I’m not going there. I think I need time away from women. I don’t want a serious relationship” Nick fibbed. He didn’t want AJ to know what was really going on.

-----------------------------------------------

“Where were you last night?” Sage threw her book bag on the floor and sat on the couch.

“Umm…umm…I came home when you were sleeping.” I lied. I walked slowly into the living room.

“Why are you walking so funny?” Sage looked at me funny. I knew I was going to have to tell her the truth.

“I didn’t come home last night. I got stuck in the rain at the beach. I ran to one of the houses, and it ended up being Nick’s house.”

“Keep going. I want to know everything.”

“He started asking about Pete knowing full well that we’re over. Then we started trading insults. With each insult we moved closer and closer together. Then we started kissing.”

“Oooohh. Sounds very hot.”

“It was. So it got really hot and heavy. Then we made love.”

“You didn’t.”

“We did. It was incredible. Making love to him was everything I wanted it to be and more.” I sighed, remembering how wonderful it was.

“I’m happy for you, but what about Kalla?”

“Well I told him he had to choose between us. I want a relationship with him. I can see Nick and I being together forever. I feel stupid saying this, but I see the big house, big family and white picket fence with him. I’m giving him until Halloween to think about what he truly wants. If he picks her, then I will move on and never think twice about him.”

“Wow! I give you credit. I don’t think I would be able to give an ultimatum like that to a guy.”

“Sage, I know what I want. I’m tired of being this wimpy little girl. I’m a woman. I either want to be with Nick completely or I need to move on. He’s been playing games with me since I moved back. I’m done. I made my choice. Nick needs to make his.”

“So how many times did you do it?” She inquired. Sage loved talking about sex.

“Three times.” I blushed.

“No wonder you can’t walk. That’s a lot for your first time. You must have been good. Most guys don’t sleep with someone three times in a night unless they are really good.”  I rolled my eyes. Sage made me laugh.

“I enjoyed it. You can’t tell anyone. I’m trying to keep it on the down low. If Kevin finds out he’ll kill Nick.” I begged her.

“Your secret is safe with me. I’m just glad you joined the club.” Sage gave me a hug.

“Thanks. I feel so special now.”

“One important question; did you use protection?”

“Yes. Nick was responsible.”

“Good. I don’t want you getting of skanky Kalla’s sexually transmitted diseases.” I fell off the chair laughing.

“Do you really think she has any STDs?” I asked. I didn’t want to sound scared, but I didn’t want any.

“I doubt it. I don’t think Nick would date anyone who wasn’t clean. You may want to talk to him about it.”

“Yeah, well I’m going to go study at the library.” I grabbed my bag and left.

Alex and I were relaxing in my dorm room. We were waiting for Sage and Marc to come back, so we could go out for dinner.

“Alex, you need to find yourself a woman.”

“Ashton, you’re one to talk. I don’t see you dating anyone.” He pulled his sunglasses off.

“After the fiasco with Peter, I think I’m going to stay single for a while.”

“You’re still pining away for Nick. He told me he’s breaking up with Kalla.”

“Really? I thought they were so much in love.” I replied sarcastically. Inside I was beaming. I wanted to jump up and down with excitement.

“Apparently there’s another woman. He says she fantastic in bed.”

“Hmmm...that’s interesting Alex. Thanks for the info.” I said with a smile. He looked at my weirdly.

“So you’re not jealous.”

“No. I’m happy for Nick. As long as he’s not with the skank, I will be happy for him.”

“I’m glad you are moving on. You deserve a nice man. ”

“Thanks Alex.” I gave him a hug.

“You’re welcome. Though I think you and Nick should be together. There’s just something right about you two.”

-------------------------------------------------------

Kalla walked into Nick’s house and went looking for him. He wasn’t in the living room or the kitchen. Maybe he was in the bedroom, naked and ready to have sex with her. Quietly she walked into the bedroom, Nick wasn’t there. She was starting to get pissed at having to play hide and seek. Finally she went out on the deck. Nick was sitting on the beach. She took off her high heels and walked to the beach.

“Hi Nicky!” She sat down next to him and wrapped her arms around him.

Nick gently removed her arms. He didn’t feel like being touched by Kalla. He was dreading this moment. He knew that their relationship was finished, but Kalla had difficulty when things didn’t go her way. After being with Ashton, he knew that his relationship with Kalla was based on sex. That’s all they spent time doing. As much as he liked having sex with her, it got old. He wanted to be with someone he could have fun doing things with. He wanted a girlfriend that liked to sit around and talk about whatever silly thoughts were going through her mind. Nick wanted someone who could make him a better person. Even though he was sixteen and liked sex; he need more.

“Nicky, what’s wrong? Don’t you want me?” She raked her finger nails down his neck and chest.

“Please stop.”

“Nicky, I haven’t seen you in a week. I missed you. I missed your kisses. I missed your body against mine.” She sucked on his ear.

“Get the hell off me.”  He yelled. Nick scooted away from her. He didn’t want her lips on him.

“Why are you being such an asshole?”

“Kalla why are you with me?” He asked quietly.

“Nick, I love you. I think you are amazing in bed. You have a hot body. Someday you are going to be famous and everyone will want you, but I know you’ll be all mine.”

“Wow! I thought you might actually like me for my personality. It’s like you only want me for my body and my status.”

“Nicky, that’s not true.” She said testily. He knew she was getting mad.

“Do you ever listen to yourself? Kalla, I can’t do this anymore.” She looked at him in shock.

“What are you saying?”

“I’m breaking up with you. I can’t do this anymore.” He said quietly. He felt bad breaking her hurt, but he knew this relationship was going nowhere.

“You cannot break up with me, Nick Carter.” She stood up and started kicking sand at me.

“Would you stop?!?! Kalla, our relationship has been the same for the last three months. The only time we spend together is having sex. I need more.” He stood up next to her.

“YOU’VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME. I’M THE BEST SEX YOU’LL EVER HAVE. IS THERE SOMEONE ELSE? THERE BETTER NOT BE SOMEONE ELSE.” Kalla kicked Nick in the shin.

“Oowww. Kalla you need to stop hurting me. I didn’t want to hurt you, but I can’t live my life feeling trapped. I’m not going to lie, there is someone else. I never meant to find someone else. It kind of just happened.”

“You bastard!!! I was always faithful to you. I didn’t even glance at another guy. You disgust me. I could have any guy I want, and I chose you.”  She smacked him across the face.

He knew he deserved it, but it didn’t make him feel any better. Kalla stood there tears and mascara running down her face. Maybe she did care about him or she was still playing a game with him.

“Kalla, I wish you the best of luck. You will find the perfect guy for you. It’s just not me. I need to be true to my heart.”

“Is this new woman Ashton? If it is, then you are such a loser. That girl is no good for you. She may seem sweet and innocent, but she’s not. I know girls like that. They will hurt you without you ever knowing it.” Kalla cried.

“It’s not Ashton. I’m sorry.” He attempted to pull her into a hug, but she ran up the beach.

Nick was left standing on the sand alone. He had never felt so bad in his entire life. Breaking up sucked. He never wanted to go through it again. In his heart Nick knew it was the right thing to do. He didn’t love Kalla. He wanted to be with one woman. That was Ashton Jeanette Richardson.

I was standing on Nick’s porch waiting for him to answer the door. He called me and said it was urgent that I meet him at his house. I was anxious about what he wanted to talk to me. Halloween wasn’t for another week. Was this going to be the defining moment in my life? I prayed that Alex was telling the truth about Nick planning to breakup with Kalla. My heart wanted it to be true, but my mind was a little more realistic. Nick could be telling me he was in love with Kalla, and he wanted to be with her. Finally I got enough courage to ring the door bell.

Nick opened the door and pulled me inside. His mouth met mine and his hand went to my waist. I let Nick continue to ravish my mouth with kisses. It felt so good.

“Mmmmm. That was a nice hello.” I smiled at him after he broke the kiss.

“I want to do that every time I see you.”

We walked into the living room and sat down.

“So what was so urgent, Nick?” I looked him in the eye.

“I broke up with Kalla. I wanted to let you know that I want to be with you completely.”

I ran over to him and wrapped my arms around him. “Do you really mean that?”

“With all my heart.” He said sincerely and kissed my head.

My dreams were coming true. Nick wanted to be with me and only me. My life was falling into place.

“Nick, I love you so much.”

“Ashton, it’s always been you. Sure, I’ve dated a bunch of girls, but they never compared to what I felt for. I loved you since the first day I met you.”

“Oh, Nick. I’ll never stop loving you. All I ever think about is you. I didn’t want to be with anyone else.” I kissed him.

We started making out. Nick lowered me onto the couch and got on top of me. My hands were playing with the bottom of his t-shirt. He hands were on my butt. I was lost in the moment, doing what felt right.

Then the phone rang, pulling us out of the moment. Nick sat up and quickly answered the phone.

“Hello. Yes. I’ll be there. Okay. Yes, Kevin. I know. See you then.”

“Why does Kevin always ruin the moment?” I sighed in frustration.

“He’s has ESP. Every time we’re together he knows. He doesn’t want me touching his baby sister.” Nick’s hand moved up my leg slowly from my knee to my inner thigh.

“He’ll kill you if he knew we were sleeping together. Can we keep our relationship quiet for a while?”

“I thought you would want to shout it from the roof top. I want everyone to know how much I love you.”

“You just broke up with Kalla. I don’t think it would look good, that you started dating me the next day. I think we should spend time working on our relationship privately before we invited the firing squad in. I just want to have you all for myself.” I grabbed his hand.

“I get it. I can keep you a secret. Thank goodness you live in Tampa. If you were in Orlando, there would be no secret.”

“Make love to me.”

Nick picked me up and carried me to his bedroom. He threw me on the bed.

“You’re such a barbarian.”

“You know you love it.” He took his t-shirt off and threw it on the floor. Next he tossed his jeans and slowly removed his boxer shorts. I stared at his male gorgeousness. I was impressed. I didn’t really look at it the first time we made love.

I started to take off my shirt. Nick walked over and stopped me. “Let me take care of you tonight. This all about you, Ashton. I want to love you all night long.”

Nick slowly kissed up my leg from my ankle to my thigh. Then he quickly took off my shorts. Next my shirt went flying across the room. I was laying on his bed in my bra and panties. I was so nervous even though we already had sex. This time I knew it was just Nick and I together forever. Nick straddled my waist.

“Nick, I’m nervous.” I whispered.

“Ashton, I will never hurt you. I love you so much. Let me make love to you. I will be soft and gentle with you.” He looked me straight in the eye. I knew he was being 100 percent honest with me.

Nick’s lips met mine. I deepened the kiss wanting to have him that close to me. He trailed kisses down my neck to my chest. His hands were on my breasts. I never felt anything like it. His hands were magic. I felt myself squirming underneath him. “Relax, sweets. Let me do all the work.”

Within minutes I was naked. Nick entered me and I was moaning in ecstasy. Nothing had ever made me feel so good.

“Ashton….mmmmm…I love you.” Nick screamed as he climaxed. I was so close.

“Nnnniiiicccccccckkk” My body wriggled underneath him.

“I love you sweets. That was amazing.”

“I love you, Nick.” I kissed him on the cheek.

Nick cuddled next to me. We lay there silently, enjoying just being together.  I was happier than I had been in years. Everything in life was perfect.

I spent the weekend holed up at Nick’s house. I loved being there. He had a typical beach house. There was a living room, kitchen, bathroom, and bedroom. We spent most of our time in the bedroom. I couldn’t get enough of him. My need for him was never ending.

Nick and I were making breakfast. He was frying bacon. I was cutting up fruit.

“Nick, why don’t you live with your parents?” There were so many things I didn’t know about him.

“I can’t stand my parents. All they do is fight. I couldn’t take it anymore. I saved up my money and rent this place.”

“You must miss your brother and sisters.” I felt bad for him. I was close to my mom and don’t know what I would do if she wasn’t in my life.

“I do. I feel bad that they have to live with the constant fighting. It’s not fair to them.”

“It has to be hard. I miss my dad so much. It’s hard having him gone.” I continued cutting up pineapple.

“I can’t even imagine. I love my parents, but I couldn’t live with them. I’m glad I have you and the guys.” Nick placed the bacon on the counter.

“I totally understand Nick. Without you and the guys, I wouldn’t be here. My life in Kentucky sucked.”

“I’m glad you moved to Florida. My life wouldn’t be the same. We would not be sitting here enjoying each other’s company. I hope Kevin is as nice to me when we tell him about us.”

“Kevin may be pissed at first, but I think he will be fine in the end. I’m old enough to make my own decisions, so he can’t stop me from loving you. I love you so much, Nickolas Gene Carter.”

“I love you Ashton Jeannette Richardson.” His lips met mine and we forgot all about breakfast.

“Mmm…Nick we forgot to make the eggs.”

“Who cares? I think bacon and fruit is good enough for now. I want you more.”

He sat down and we started to eat. It was silent, but comfortable. We didn’t have to talk constantly to be with one another.

------------------------------------

I unlocked the door to my dorm room and walked inside. Sage was sitting on the couch watching TV. As soon as I walked in she turned the television off and looked at me.

“Well look what the cat dragged in.” She replied sarcastically. I smiled at her. “Did you have a nice weekend?”

“It was perfect. Nick and I are officially together.”

“That’s great. Am I the first to know?”

“Yes. You can’t say anything. We’re keeping it quiet for now.”

“Why?”

“Well, he just broke up with what’s her face, and I don’t think it will look good for him to be rushing into a new relationship.” I explained. Was it the best idea? Probably not, but I didn’t see any other choice. Kevin would have a hard time with Nick just moving from girl to girl, especially when it came to me.

“Well, Kevin called about an hour ago. I told him you were at the library studying. So what did you and Nicky Poo do all weekend?” Sage was forever wanting to know the intimate details of people’s love lives. Her goal in life was to be the editor of Cosmo magazine.

“It was a weekend filled with making love and getting to know each other better.” I blushed.

“I want details. You’ve got to give me more.” She pleaded. I threw a pillow at her.

“Sorry, but I don’t kiss and tell. I’m going to go call Kevin.” I got up and walked into my room.

I dialed Kevin’s number and waited for him to pick up.

“Hello!”

“Hi Kevy. Sage said you called.”

“I just wanted to catch up with my baby sister. How’s school going?”

“School is well. I’ve aced all my tests.”

“Good. How are you handling things with Pete?” Kevin was curious about my relationships. He didn’t want me to get hurt by some jerk. He wanted me to find a nice guy.

“I’m fine. We haven’t talked since that night. I’m over him. Kevin, it wasn’t going to work out.”

“That’s because your heart belongs to someone else.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about?” I played dumb.

“Ashton, I know that you are completely and utterly in love with Nick. You can’t deny it.”

“Shut up Kevin. I’m not in love with him. Nick is over me. He’s in love with Kalla.” I threw my laundry in the basket.

“They broke up.”

“That’s nice Kevin. I still don’t know what that has to do with me.”

“Well if the boy is smart, he’ll come crawling back to you.”

“Kevin, I don’t want to be the rebound girl. Can we please change the subject?” What was up with Kevin? Did he suspect something was going on with Nick and me? He seemed so insist on me being with Nick. Hiding our relationship was going to be harder than I thought.

“I just want my sister to be happy. What are you doing for New Years?”

“Nothing. Why?”

“Well we have a couple concerts in Canada; I thought you might want to go.” Kevin asked.

“I would love to. Is Nia going?”

“Yes she is. Mom is also coming up for the shows.”

“That is awesome Kevin. It sounds like a lot of fun.”

“I’m glad you are so enthused. Well, I got to get ready for rehearsal. I’ll talk to you soon. Love ya.”

“Love you, too. Bye.” I hung up the phone and grabbed my journal

            Who knew my life could change in an instant. Nick broke up with that whore skank Kalla. Yea!!! It gets even better. We are back together. Nick loves me and wants to be with me. He doesn’t want anyone else. I spent the whole weekend at his house. Mmmm…what a weekend!! I could get used to that. We made love for two days straight. He’s the only guy I want to make love with. It was awesome. At 18, I am still so inexperienced. Nick knows what he’s doing, and he’s only 16. It is a good thing he doesn’t live with his parents. I was so loud. Nick seemed to like it. I gave him a blow job. I was scared I would do it wrong, but Nick said it was the best he ever had. I don’t know if that is true, but I hope it is.

            I talked to Kevin today. He thinks Nick and I should be together. If he only knew the truth. I think he would be happy, except for us sleeping together. He might beat up Nick for that. I’m 18 and can do what I want. I don’t need Kevin’s permission to do anything, but I’m his baby sister and he worries about me. I really should go to the clinic tomorrow and get some birth control. Nick shouldn’t be the only one responsible for protection. He has been wonderful so far, always using a condom. I want to be safe and not get pregnant. At this point in my life I don’t want to be a mom. Someday I want to have lots of children running around in my backyard.

            Well, I better go study, since I’ve slack off all weekend. I need to keep my grades up for my scholarship.

            I Love Nick Carter.  Nick loves Ashton. Ashton loves Nick. Ashton Jeannette Richardson Carter. Mrs. Nickolas Gene Carter.

I got out of bed and ran to bathroom. My head went to the toilet and I proceeded to throw up. When I was done, I sat on the floor. There was no energy left in my body.  I had no urge to move. I had never felt this sick in my entire life. The nausea wouldn’t go away. Slowly, I crawled back to my bedroom. It seemed to take at least twenty minutes to get back to my room. By the time I crawled into bed, I had to run to the bathroom.

After vomiting for the second time this morning, I fell asleep on the bathroom floor. Sage had to wake me up.

“Ashton, are you okay?”

I slowly opened my eyes and looked at Sage.

“I feel like crap.”

“You look horrible. What’s wrong?”

I slowly sat up and became nauseous again. My head went to the toilet. Sage gave me a wet wash cloth to wipe my face.

“Ashton how long have you been sick?”

“About a week here and there. It starts in the morning, but I feel better by the afternoon.”

“What are your symptoms?” Sage gave me a look. She was really annoying me by playing doctor.

“Nauseous, tired, vomiting”

“When was your last period?”

“Sage would you stop playing doctor. I don’t think it’s funny. I feel like shit and you aren’t making me feel any better.” I snapped at her.

“Excuse me, Ashton. I was trying to be a friend. Have you ever thought you might be pregnant? I mean all you and Nick do is have sex.”  She walked out of the bathroom.

Quickly, I got up and followed Sage to her room.

“Hand me your calendar.”

Sage gave me her calendar. I flipped through it, calculating my last period. It couldn’t be possible. I double checked. Panic was setting in. I couldn’t be pregnant. Nick and I were careful. We used protection every single time.

“Are you okay Ashton?” Sage looked really concerned.

“No. I missed my period for this month.” Tears started falling from my eyes. I couldn’t deal with this.

“You need to talk to Nick about this. If you are pregnant it’s both of your responsibilities. Go call him.”

“I…I…cccaan’ttt. He’s a..a..t..tt practice.” I sobbed.

“What time is his practice over?”

“Five.”

“Here’s what you’re going to do. Go back to bed. When you wake up you can call Nick and talk to him.” I nodded and walked back into my room.

------------------------

I couldn’t break down and call Nick. I was afraid to tell him that I might be pregnant. What if he dumped me? What if it ruined his career?

“Well are you going to call him?” Sage questioned me.

“No.” I looked out the window. I was feeling better. I didn’t even feel sick.

“Ashton are you crazy? He needs to know. If you are having a baby, he is just as responsible as you.”

I ignored Sage even though I knew she was right. I wanted to put this whole situation out of my mind.

“Whatever Ashton. I think you are being stupid. You need to grow up and face reality. This situation might not go away. You need to tell him.”

“Leave me alone. It’s none of your business. Worry about yourself.” I got up and walked to my bedroom. I slammed the door. I wished Sage would leave me alone.

----------------------------

I was wallowing in pity. I couldn’t believe Sage. It was none of her business. If I wanted to tell Nick, I would tell him. I was still trying to process the thought that I might be pregnant. I didn’t need Nick freaking out about it.

I sat on the couch watching reruns of Saved by the Bell. I was enjoying watching Zach Morris and AC Slater.  The sound of someone pounding on the door brought me out of my thoughts. I tried to ignore it, but the person kept pounding.

“Open up the door.”

“What do you want?”

“Ashton, let me in.”

“Leave me alone Nick.” I started to shake. What was he doing at my dorm?

“I’m not leaving. We need to talk. Sage said your sick.”

“I can’t believe she called you.” I said as I opened the door and went back to the couch.

“Ashy, what’s wrong?”

“I’m sure Sage filled you in since she thinks she’s my mother.”

Nick sat next to me. He wrapped me in his arms. I felt safe in his arms.

“She told me you think you’re pregnant. Ashton, I love you no matter what.”

“I’m scared Nick. We’re both so young. You have your career, but I’m still in school. I don’t think I could be a mom at this point in my life.” I sobbed into his chest.

He rubbed my back trying to calm me down.

“I’m scared as hell. We’ll just deal with whatever happens. I love you no matter what. Nothing will ever change that. I bought you a pregnancy test.”

“Nick, I’m sorry. This wasn’t supposed to happen. I can’t believe you bought a pregnancy test.”

“Well, I would do anything for you. Now go pee on that stick.” He kissed my forehead.

A few minutes later, Nick and I sat in the bathroom waiting to see the results. Our fate would be determined by a stupid stick I peed on. I didn’t want to look at it.

“Nick, time is up. I don’t want to look. Will you do it?”

“Sure.” He picked up the stick and looked at it carefully. He didn’t say anything for a moment.  His face showed no emotion. I waited in anticipation to see if I was pregnant or not.

I waited in anticipation as Nick looked at the stick. He was taking his good old time reading the stick. I was afraid of what he was going to say.

“It’s negative. You’re not pregnant.”

“Thank God.” I sighed with relief. Nick just looked at me. He looked kind of sad.

“Nick are you ok?”

“Yeah. I was just thinking that we could have created a baby out of the love we shared. I was kind of excited about it.”

“But Nick, we’re so young.  You’re sixteen and trying to get famous. I’m in college. How could we ever be parents? You know we wouldn’t be ready for this. We don’t have the money to afford a baby.”

“I know. It’s just that thinking we created a baby because we love each other is kind of awesome. A little baby girl with blonde hair and your green eyes.”

“Nick, you’re so different from any guy I ever met. Most guys would run away and take no responsibility.”

“I’m not that kind of guy. I would be responsible for my child.”

“Nick, I love you. I don’t think our families would be pleased with us being teen parents.” I held his hand.

“My mom would think you did it on purpose to ruin my career. Your mom would be mad at first, but she would love that baby.”

“Yeah, but think about telling that to Kevin. I don’t think he would be too pleased, especially since he doesn’t know about us.”

“I don’t care about Kevin. I love you and he can’t do anything about it.” Nick pulled me in close to him.

“Nick is there more to our relationship than sex?”

“Ashton, I love you more than life itself. I love making love with you. I also love just sitting on the beach talking. I love when we sit in silence and relax. I feel so comfortable with you. You complete me. Whenever I have a bad day, I know talking to you makes it better.”

“Sage says all we do is have sex.”

“She’s jealous. Ashton, I love you. I will always love you. I know that I’m only sixteen, but I want to be with you the rest of my life.” 

Nick kissed me with passion. My hands went to his ass and brought him closer. He pushed me against the wall. Our tongues fought each other in a frantic fight.  I couldn’t get enough of him. I need him. My body ached for him. Nick reached for the bottom of my shirt. He quickly pulled it over my head. My breasts were waiting for his touch. Nick kissed down my chest. He mouth moved to my right breast. He took a nipple in my mouth.

“Would you two get a room?” Sage rushed past us towards her room.

Nick and I stopped what we were doing. Sage had ruined the mood. I quickly grabbed my shirt and put it back on.

“See Nick. She’s mad at me. She thinks were oversexed.” I smiled at him.

“Well so what if we are. I can’t get enough of you.” He kissed me quickly.

“Nick, stop it.” I laughed.

“I can’t help it. I love your taste on my lips.” He kissed me again.

“I’m going to go on birth control.”

“Mmm…okay.” He nuzzled my neck

------------------------------------

“Alex, shut up.” I threw a napkin at him.

“You know you want him.”

“I do not. I am perfectly happy being a single woman. I don’t need a man to make me complete.”

“So, who’s the guy you’re sleeping with?” Alex asked seriously.

“What are you talking about?” Sage must have mentioned it to him. She was a blabber mouth.

“Well, I called you three times last week. Sage said you were off doing some guy. I want to know who it is.”

“If I told you, I would have to kill you.” Alex was not good with secrets. I knew not to say anything about Nick. Everyone would know by tomorrow.

“You certainly are a wild woman. You went to college and became wild. All my friends are shaking up, and I’m jealous.”

“Well if you weren’t like a brother to me, things might be different.” I joked.

“Ha ha ha. You’re so funny.”

“So is Nick sleeping around?”

“Well he has this mystery woman. He started sleeping with her before he broke up with Kalla.”

“Really?” I tried to act normal.

“Yes, he says it’s the best sex he ever had. That’s more than just sex, its making love.”

“Oh.” I sipped my soda.

“Kevin says you’re coming on tour with us over New Year’s.”

“I am. I can’t wait. It’s going to be a lot of fun. My mom is coming.”

“Will you be my date to the after party?” Alex gave me puppy dog eyes.

“You look so pathetic. Since, I’m single and have nothing better to do. Sure, I will be your date.”

“You are such a bitch.” He laughed.

“You love me, you know it.”

“Ashton, you are too much.”

“Nia do you need any help with the turkey?” I asked.

I was spending Thanksgiving with my brother. Brian and Nick were also attending Thanksgiving dinner. It was going to be hard to not touch Nick.

“No, but you could set the table.”

I grabbed the dishes and silverware to set the table, when Nick walked in the room. He was looking especially hot in his green button down shirt and jeans.

“Hey babe. This is torture for me.” He pouted. I laughed at him.

“I know. We’ll tell them soon. I promise.” I set the dishes down.

Nick pulled me close to him and kissed my lips. I didn’t want to get caught up in the moment. Anyone could have walked in. He deepened the kiss and his hands moved under my skirt to my inner thigh. I lost it and knock the silverware to the ground. Quickly I stepped away from Nick.

“Is everything okay?” Nia poked her head in the dining room. I knew she saw what was going on.

“It’s fine.” I said slowly. She gave me a strange look.

Nick smirked at me. I was going to kill him.

“See you going to get us caught.” I whispered.

“I don’t care. I want to sing it on the rooftop.” He pinched my butt.

“Get out of here.” I pushed him away and walked back into the kitchen.

“What’s going on with you two?” Nia looked at me suspiciously.  

“Nothing. Why?”  I was afraid to see how Nia was going to react to this situation.

“So, you just let any guy kiss and grope you.” I sighed. We were caught. I’m sure she was going to tell Kevin.

“Not just any guy. Nick and I are together, but we are keeping it quiet.” I said quietly.

“I’m so happy for you. You are so cute together.” Nia gushed.

“Really?” I was shocked.

“Yes, I think you were meant for each other. Kevin’s been waiting for two to finally be together. He likes you and Nick together.”

“That’s great. We’ve been afraid to say anything. Can you keep it quiet until we are ready to tell him?”

“Ashton, your secret is safe with me. I’m glad that you are happy.” I ran over and gave her a hug.

---------------------------------------

“Dear Heavenly Father, we thank you for this food. We thank you for the people in our lives. We are thankful for all that you have given us. Amen.” Brian prayed.

“Amen.”

We sat at the dinner table enjoying the delicious meal Nia had prepared. Nick sat across from me. It was hard not to stare.

“Nick, I here you have a new girlfriend. AJ kind of spilled the beans.”

“It kind of a new thing. She’s gorgeous, kind, caring. She is a lot fun to be with.” He smiled as he talked. I rub his leg with my foot.

“She sounds great. When can we meet her?” Brian asked.

“Soon. She’s kind of shy.”

“How is school going Ashton?” Nia changed the subject. I secretly thanked her.

“It’s great. I really love it. Next semester I am going to be volunteering in a kindergarten class.”

“That sounds like fun. I’m so proud of you Ashy.”

“Thanks Kevin.”

We continued eating dinner in a comfortable silence. Nick and I kept stealing glances at each other. I wanted to yell out that I was dating Nick, but I knew it wasn’t the right moment.

“Nia, thank you for the wonderful meal. I love you so much.” Kevin smiled adoringly at his girlfriend.

After we cleared up the dishes and set them to soak, Brian went over to Alex’s house. Nia and Kevin decided to go shopping. Nick was sacked out on the couch watching football. I was bored.

“Nick, I love you.” I straddled his waist.

“Mmm…I love you, too.” He kissed my forehead.

I grabbed the remote and turned off the television. Nick grinned at me. I bent down and sucked on his ear lobe.

“Mmmm…Ashy that feels soooo good.”

His hand moved to my ass, pushing me closer to him. Then, he kissed with the most passion I had ever felt. His tongue invaded my mouth and fought a battle with mine. My hands were in his hair. We were releasing all of our sexual tension of the day. It was hard being together without touching and kissing.

“Nick, I’ve wanted you all day.”

“Babygirl, all I kept thinking about was making love to you. I’m so glad everyone left.”

I quickly unbuttoned Nick’s shirt. My hands were rubbing his chest. He quickly flipped us over and I was against the couch. His hands roamed by body until he reached the hem of my sweater. He hurriedly took it off and threw it on the floor. Next my bra came off. His hands were on my boobs. He was sucking on my neck. I thought I died and gone to heaven. He unzipped my skirt and shimmied it off my body. Nick kissed down my body until he got to my lace thong. He ripped it off.

“Nick that cost thirty bucks.”

“I’ll buy you a new one.” He smiled at me.

“I think you are wearing too much clothing, mister.” He stood up and stripped off all his clothes. I stared at his gorgeous body.

Nick laid on top of me. I could feel his manliness against me. I needed him so bad.

“I need you in me.”

Slowly Nick entered me. I moaned and purred. We matched each other thrust for thrust. I was lost in Nick and how he was making me feel. Nick was smiling down at me. I was so close to ecstasy. I loved Nick with all my heart. Nick’s hands were on my boobs and we continued to make love.

“GET THE FUCK OFF MY SISTER!!!” Kevin shouted.

Nick quickly got off me and handed me his shirt. I quickly put it on as he got into his boxers. Kevin stood there glaring at us. Nia looked embarrassed for all of us. I couldn’t believe this was happening to me. It was not the way I wanted Kevin to find out about my relationship with Nick.

“What the hell is going on here?” Kevin’s jaw tightened. He looked ready to both of us.

“Umm…we’re together.” I looked at the floor. My face was red. My hair was all over the place.

“Really now? Why are you having sex in my living room?”

“Sorry, Kev. We kind of got caught up in the moment.” Nick attempted to explain. I don’t think Kevin appreciated his honesty.

“This is ridiculous. You’re both to young to be having sex.”

“Kevin, I am eighteen. I’m an adult and can make my own decisions.” I told him.

“And Nick is a minor. What in the hell were you thinking?” Kevin paced across the living room.

“I love him. He means the world to me. I love making love to him. He’s everything I ever wanted and needed.” I explained.

“I don’t want to know. Nia, take her upstairs and put some clothes on her.”

I stood up and huffed up the stairs with Nia. Kevin was being an asshole.

“Nick, I could kick your ass.” Kevin gritted his teeth. Nick didn’t care about how pissy Kevin was acting. Nothing could change how he felt about me.

“Kevin, leave me alone. I love your sister. She means everything to me. I wouldn’t hurt her.”

“Nick, I leave you alone with her for a few hours and you make a move on her. You know she likes you. You sleep with her while you are dating another woman. You are such a little punk asshole.” Kevin barked. Nick just sat there letting Kevin carry on.

“It’s not what you think Kevin.”

“Then explain it to me before I kick your ass.”

“The girl I was talking about earlier was Ashton. We’ve been together since I dumped Kalla.”

“What the hell? You’ve been hiding your relationship from everyone.”

“Kevy, it was my choice to keep it quiet. I wanted time with Nick before everyone knew.  I wanted us to have time to get to know each other better without all the interruptions.” I looked at my brother.

“Well, I see how you got to know each other.” Kevin picked up my ripped thong from the lamp shade. He threw it at me. I was embarrassed.

“Kevin Scott Richardson, my relationship with Nick is none of your business. I’m an adult you can’t tell me what to do. If I want to sleep with Nick or twenty other guys I can. You can’t stop me. I’m not a little girl anymore.”  I sat next to Nick and place his hand in mine.

“She does have a point.”

“Nia, she’s just a teenager. I can’t believe you would side with her.”

“I’m not siding with anyone. They are in love. Remember when we first fell in love.” Nia tried to calm Kevin down.

“This is different. She’s my baby sister. How long have you known about this?”

“I found out this afternoon. I remember you saying you thought they would be good together. Well they are a couple. You should be happy.”

Nick and I sat there watching Nia and Kevin argue. It was like they forgot about us.

“Fine they are together. I’m not happy about finding my sister naked with a guy on top of her doing the nasty. It’s not something I want to see or think about.”

“Did you think I was going to be a virgin forever? I love Nick. He’s the only guy I ever wanted. We’re mature and responsible. Like it or not, we’re having sex.” I stood up.

“I worry about you.” Kevin’s voice softened.

“I know that Kevy, but I’m grown up. I am going to do adult things. I’m going to do things you don’t like. Please let me be happy.”

He walked over to me and embraced me.

“I’m sorry you found out about Nick and me this way. I didn’t plan on it. I’m sorry I had sex on your couch. Nick lets go.” Nick got up and followed me.

I stood against Nick’s car. I didn’t even know what to say to him. I was embarrassed about the whole scene and kept replaying it in my head.

“Well, I guess he knows about us now.” Nick joked.

“Nick, it’s so embarrassing. I was mortified when he walked in and started yelling at us. I never thought my brother would see me having sex.” I looked into his deep blue eyes.

“I know, babygirl. I’m sorry it happened. Kevin’s just going to have to get used to us. He can’t do anything about it. I love you so much; I’m never letting you go.”

“Do you mean that?”

“Ashton, I love you more than life itself. I don’t want any other woman. You’re my soul mate. I plan to marry you someday.”

He placed kisses on my forehead, nose, cheeks, and finally my lips. We stood against his car making out. I couldn’t get enough of him.

Kevin stood by the window watching the scene outside. “Nia, I’m worried about those two.”

“Ashton has a good head on her shoulders. They are young and in love. Let them be. Think back to when we first met. You were all over me. Nick and Ashton are good for each other. Let them love each other.”

Nia patted the couch and Kevin came over. She pulled his face to hers and gave him a smoldering kiss. He forgot all about the lovebirds outside.

“Ashton, if you could be any animal which would you be?” Nick asked me as we walked down the beach.

“Well, I think I would be a duck. I could sit in the water and just relax. I could watch people all day and they would feed me.”

“That is so weird. Quack.” He grabbed my hand.

We were strolling down the beach. I had a pail in shovel in my other hand. Nick was carrying some other beach toys.  We were spending the day relaxing at the beach.

“Shut up. Here’s the perfect spot.” I plopped down on the sand. Nick placed the toys on the sand and sat beside me.

“I can’t believe we are going to build sandcastles.” He laughed at me.

“Nicky, I never built a sandcastle before. It’s one of my dreams.” I said happily.

“Really now.  Any other things you haven’t done before?” Nick raised an eyebrow at me.

“You’re such a perv. All you think about is sex.”

“With you around I do. I love feeling your body next to mine.”

“Nick, I love you, but today is about sandcastles not sex.”

I threw a shovel at him. I was ready to get down to business building my sandcastle. I ran down to the water and filled my bucket. Quickly I placed it on the ground, the water rushed in. As soon as I finished, I ran back up to Nick.

“Start shoveling.”

“You sure are demanding.”

“When I want something I get it. So get to work, young man.”

He saluted me and got to work. We worked hard digging and shaping the sand. After about half hour, my sandcastle was finished. It didn’t look exactly how I pictured it.

“Well, it really doesn’t look like a castle?” Nick commented. He looked like he was going to bust out laughing.

“What does it look like?” I glared at him. I was covered with sand.

“Umm…a bunch of sand shaped like a bucket.” He laughed. He was so annoying.

I looked at my sandcastle. It was an interesting sight. He was right; it looked nothing like a sandcastle. My sandcastle was pathetic.

“I hate you Nickolas Carter. My sandcastle looks like crap. It looks like a five year old made it. You were no help.” I huffed.

“I was just following your directions.” He pleaded innocence.

I looked down and saw the pail still filled halfway with water. I bent down and picked it up. Since Nick wasn’t’ paying a bit of attention, I quickly threw it at him.  Within seconds Nick was covered in ocean water. He looked at me and tried to grab me. I quickly took off across the beach. He couldn’t catch me, I was thankful for having long legs. All of a sudden I tripped and fell. I laid in the sand.

“Are you ready to surrender?” Nick towered over me.

“Never, never, never.” I smirked at him.

“Fair maiden surrender or pay the price.” He said in a sexy pirate voice.

“What price will I have to pay?” I asked in mock surprise.

Nick got down on the ground and sat on top of me. He started to tickle my sides. I started thrashing about. I hated being tickled.

“Stop it, Nick. Stop it.” I tried to squirm under his touch.

“Never. Surrender or pay the price.” His fingers kept moving across my sides and stomach. I couldn’t take it any longer.

“I surrender. I surrender. Just stop tickling me.” I said breathlessly.

Nick bent down and kissed me hard on the lips. We continued to make out on the beach.

“Eww…that is so gross.” A little girl complained.

“Who would kiss a boy?” Another girl remarked back.

We broke apart and glowered at the two girls. The little girls ran off. I couldn’t help but laugh. I was enjoying my day at the beach with Nick.

“Eww…why would I kiss you? Boys are gross.” I teased Nick.

“I’m not a boy. I’m a man.” He licked from my jaw to ear.

“You’re a dork.” I got up. Nick followed my lead.

“Let’s go back to my house and I’ll show you what kind a man I really am.” He wiggled his eyes at me.

“I’d like that. You are a manly man.”

Nick swatted my butt. I couldn’t help but smile at my wonderful boyfriend.

“Don’t you forget it, babygirl.”

------------------------------

I sat on the couch studying for my child psychology test. Nick was on the phone and playing video games.

“Yes. I know mom. I’m sorry. Okay. Love you, too. Bye.” Nick hung up the phone.

“What did your mom want?”

“She wants to meet you.”

“Really?”

“Yes. You don’t have to meet my crazy family, if you don’t want to. I wouldn’t blame you if you ran the other direction.” He rubbed my feet.

“Nick, they are part of you. I would love to meet them even if they are crazy.”

“Are you sure?” He asked unsurely.

“I’m positive. I would love to meet your mom, dad and siblings. Remember you get to meet my mom on New Year’s Eve.”

“But your mom is normal. Mine is a crazy bitch.”

“Nick that is no way to talk about your mama. She may not act the way you like, but she gave birth to you.” I felt bad that he didn’t get along with his mom, but she was still his mom.

“Sorry, not everyone has wonderful parents like you.”

“Nick, I love my mom. She great, but she’s not perfect. I’m sorry you and your mom don’t get along. That doesn’t mean you can’t be respectful to her.” I raised my voice.

“Whatever Ashton. Let’s change the subject. I don’t want to fight about my mom.”

“Fine, Nick. This discussion is over for now. Let me meet your mom, and I can decide how I feel about her.”

“Fine.” He moved to the floor and played video games.

This was the first tiff Nick and I had gotten into since we started dating. He would just have to get over it. I wasn’t backing down. I had grown up a lot and was not afraid to speak my mind. Nick would just have to get used to it.

“If my family acts inappropriate, please don’t think I act that way.” Nick stated as we waited for someone to answer the door.

“Nick, I love you no matter what.” I squeezed his hand.

After a few minutes of waiting, Nick tried opening the door. It was locked.

“God damn it. They knew we were coming for dinner and they aren’t even home.” He got the key from under the mat and unlocked the door.

I didn’t know what to say or do. I felt bad for Nick. His parents weren’t showing me that they cared.

“Nicky, sorry we weren’t around when you got here. I had to run to pick up dinner.” Jane smiled sheepishly. Nick’s younger brother walked in holding two pizza boxes.

“That’s fine mom.”

“So who is this beautiful woman with you, Nicky?”

“Mom this is Ashton Richardson, my girlfriend.” I smiled at her.

“Nice to meet you Mrs. Carter.”

“Same here darling. Well, let’s go into the kitchen and get dinner.”

Nick rolled his eyes. He couldn’t believe the scene before him. His mother was a nutcase. She couldn’t even make a nice meal. She had to buy pizza.

We followed Jane into the kitchen. Aaron was already devouring the pizza.

“Airboy, this is Ashton.”

“Hi Aaron! It’s nice to meet you.”

“You are smokin’ hot. No wonder Nick likes you. I can sing better than him. You wanna hear?” He bounced around.

“Cut it out, Aaron.”

“Well eat up.” Jane didn’t even offer us a plate. “You want a beer?”

“No thank you, Mrs. Carter.” She pulled a can out from the refrigerator.

“You’re loss. So, Nick says you are in college.”

“Yes, I’m studying to be a teacher.”

“What kind of career is that? You are going to be broke. My son is going to be rich and famous. He doesn’t need a girl to provide for. You need to get a real career. With your beauty, you could be a model.” She rattled on.

“Mrs. Carter, I don’t plan on having Nick provide for me. I am quite capable of that.” I replied politely. Nick was right, she was loony.

“Mom, cut it out. I’m not even famous yet.”

“But you will be someday Nicky. You will have your heart’s desire. All the money, fame and women.”

“I have the woman of my dreams. Mom can we talk about something else besides my future career? Where are BJ, Leslie, and Angel?”

“Umm…well I think BJ is with some friends. Leslie and Angel are with your dad.” She took a swig of her beer.

“Did you even tell them I was coming?” Nick gritted his teeth. He was becoming frustrated with his mom. I couldn’t blame him. She was a scatterbrain and only seemed interested in how much money he would have once he was famous.

“Oh, I forgot. I got so busy. Aaron has been singing and going to auditions.”

“How hard is it for you to tell everyone I was coming home to visit? You do this every time mom.” I reached for his hand and squeezed it.

“Nick, you are not the only important thing in this family. I have a busy schedule. I’m sorry I forgot.” She didn’t even look sorry.

“I’ll be back. I need to use the restroom.” Nick left me alone with his mother in the kitchen.

“Listen here, Miss Flavor of the Month. If you fuck with Nick’s career there will be hell to pay. You may seem all sweet and innocent, but I know your nothing but a slut after my son’s fame.” She spat at me.

“Mrs. Carter, I assure that none of that is true. I don’t care if Nick is rich or not. I like him because he’s Nick. I don’t appreciate you calling me name.” I remained calm even though I was fuming inside.

“I don’t care what the hell you like or don’t like. I wish you would leave Nick alone. He’d be better off without you. You have nothing to offer him.”

“I’m sorry you feel that way.”

Nick walked into the room, and I pretended to enjoy Mrs. Carter’s company.

“Nick you have the nicest girlfriend. She is sweet and pretty. I think you two are perfect for each other.”

“Thanks mom. We need to leave. I will talk to you soon.” Nick grabbed my hand and we left his house. I was never so happy to get away from someone.

------------

Nick pulled up to the beach. Quietly we got out of the car and sat down on the sand. After a few minutes of silence, Nick finally spoke.

“I’m sorry you had to witness my mother.” He wouldn’t even look at me.

“Nick, it’s okay.”

“No it’s not okay. She was embarrassing. I don’t want you to think I was brought up like that. It wasn’t always like that.” He said wistfully.

“Nick, I love you no matter what. You must have been brought up right. Look how you turned out. You are the sweetest, kindest, generous guy I ever met. You treat me like a princess. I’m grateful everyday that you are in my life.” I kissed him on the cheek.

“Ashy, I love you so much. You never judge me and accept me for who I am. I heard what my mom said to you. I am sorry. She had no right to say that.”

“I tuned her comments out because they aren’t true. We know the truth and how we feel about each other. No one, not even your mom or Kevin can change our love.”

“I can’t believe you were so courteous to her. She was such a bitch to you.”

“Enough about your mom. Kiss me and never stop.”

“Kevin, I going to Nick’s for Christmas Eve. Then we both will come to your house on Christmas Day.” I sat at the table decorating cookies.

“Are you staying over Nick’s?”

“Yes, Kevin. There’s no need to get all protective of me.”

“Ashton Jeanette, we need to talk about this. I think you and Nick are great together. I love you and care about you. I know that you are sleeping with him. I hope you are being smart and using protection.”

“We are. I’m on the pill. Neither of us is ready to be parents. Kevin, we are handling our relationship maturely.”

“That’s good. I love you to much.” He hugged me and stole a cookie.

“Stop eating my cookies. I’m making these for Nicky.”

“It’s a shame; he doesn’t want to spend Christmas with his family.”

“I know. His mom is a nut. Not everyone is as lucky as us to have a great mom.”

“You’re right. Mom should be here any moment.”

----------------------------------------

I stood outside Nick’s house. My hands were full of gifts and food. I couldn’t wait to spend the evening with him. I rang the bell and waited for him.

“Merry Christmas!” He grabbed some of the bags.

“Merry Christmas Nicky.” I walked into the house.

“What is all this?” He placed the bags on the floor.

“Well, there’s food, cookies, and presents.” I reached up and kissed his cheek.

“Cool. Let’s take the food to the kitchen.” I found the bags of food and followed Nick.

“I made us homemade macaroni and cheese, chicken, and lots of cookies.”

“Mmmm…sounds yummy. I really just want to eat you.’ He smirked and pulled me near.

My mouth met his. His hands went to my ass and he pulled my body against his. He was very happy to see me. We continued making out in the kitchen. The door bell rang, but we didn’t hear it. We were lost in our own world. Nick’s hands moved to my breasts and my hands were on his ass. I don’t think we were going to make it to the bedroom this time.

“Nickolas Gene Carter.”

“Oh my goodness.” A little girl shrieked.

“Go into the living room now.” The woman’s voice grew louder. Nick and I moved apart. I turned and saw Jane Carter standing there.

“Mom, what are you doing here?”

“I came to see my son. It’s Christmas and you want nothing to do with you family.”

“Mom, I made plans. I’m sorry. I will see you the day after Christmas.”

“You would rather fuck this whore than spend Christmas with your family.” I was shocked at her comment.

“Mom, you have no right to talk about my girlfriend that way. You’re the reason I don’t want to spend the holidays at home. Why do you think I moved out?” He yelled.

“Nicky, I’m your mother.” She pouted.

“You haven’t been a mother to me in a long time. All you care about is my career. You treat me like crap. You treated my girlfriend like crap. I’m tired of it. I don’t want you in my life. Give me the key.” He held out his hand.

“Nicky, you don’t mean that. I’m your mother. I gave birth to you. I took you to all those auditions.” She wasn’t even being sincere. Nick didn’t deserve to be treated this way. Mom’s are supposed to love and take care of you. Jane was a piece of work.

“Give me the key and get the hell out of my house.”

She gave him the key and huffed out of the house.

“Sorry you had to see that.” Nick apologized.

“Nick, I hate the she had to come and start trouble with you. I think she loves you, but goes about it the wrong way.” I tried to console him. I really just wanted to tell him that she was a bitch, but I don’t think he would have appreciated that from me.

“I don’t know what she thinks about me. I can’t deal with her anymore.”

“Nick, you have the guys. They care about you. You have me. I love you more than anyone else. I know we aren’t your mom, but we are your family.”

“I know. It’s just hard to see your mom not care.” I gave him a hug.

“Let’s go open presents.”

“Okay.”

We walked into the living room and sat down. Last week Nick and I decorated the tree. There were gifts piled neatly under the tree. Nick grabbed a pile and brought them over to me. I got my bag of gifts for him.

“You go first.” Nick handed me the first present.

I slowly unwrapped the square box. Inside was a beautiful dark green sweater.

“Nick this is beautiful.” I smiled at him.

I continued to unwrap my gifts. Nick was very generous. He got me perfume, cds, a purse, and a Cinderella figurine. Nick was a sweetheart.

“Thank you Nick. Everything is beautiful. I love you.” I kissed him and gave him his presents.

“You are welcome. Presents for me?” He batted his eyes.

“Yes, for you dork.”

He started to rip the paper off quickly. The first gift received was a photo album full of pictures of us.

“Ashton, this is beautiful. I love it.”

“I thought you would be able to take it on tour with you. That way when you miss me you could look at the pictures.”

He continued opening presents. I had gotten him a Tampa Bay jersey, cologne, and a framed photo of us.

“Ashy, this has been one of my best holidays yet. I’m glad I get to spend it with you. I love you so much.”

“I love you, too.”

‘I have one more gift for you.” Nick pulled out a small velvet box.

“W…wh...what is this?” I asked nervously.

Nick opened the box and pulled out a claddagh ring with a small red ruby inside. He took the ring and slid it on my right ring finger, with the heart facing inwards.

“This ring is my promise to you, Ashton Jeannette Richardson. I pledge to love, honor, and cherish you forever. I know that we are young, but I don’t see myself with anyone else. Someday when we are older and settled down, I promise to move this ring to your left finger.”

“Wow! Nick, I love you so much. I feel the same way. I can’t see myself being with anyone but you. It’s beautiful Nick, and the meaning behind it means so much more. I love you.” Tears streamed down my face. I loved Nick more and more with each passing day.

“I love you, too.”

Christmas with the Richardson’s was an experience. I think Nick thought we were nuts. Well he was kind of right. We loved spending Christmas together. This year it was Kevin, my mom, and I.

“Deck the halls with boughs of holly, fa la la la la, la la la la la la la laaaaa.” I sang.

“I think you put in too many la’s.” Nick smiled at me.

“I know. I always mess this song up.” I kissed him.

“Save it for the mistletoe.” My mom teased.

“Sorry Mrs. Richardson.” Nick apologized quickly.

“Nickolas, there’s no need to apologize. You make a great couple. I see so much loved between the two of you.  You make my daughter happy and that is all that matters.”

“Mom, I love you.” I mouthed to her. She accepted Nick so quickly.

We all sat on the couch, waiting for Nia and Kevin to appear from the kitchen with cookies.

It was a wonderful day. Mom, Nia, and I cooked a delicious meal of ham, potatoes, turkey, stuffing, etc. You name it we made it. We were going to have leftovers for the next year. Then we opened presents. It was a happy day with everyone I loved.

“Sorry, Kevin was trying to eat all the cookies before he got out here.” Nia teased.

They both sat down on the love seat. Nia looked positively giddy, and Kevin was smiling like the Cheshire Cat.

“What is up with both of you?” I asked.

“We’re getting married!” Nia shrieked.

My mom and ran over to see her ring. It was a beautiful princess cut diamond. I was so happy for my brother and Nia. They deserved all the happiness in the world.

“It’s beautiful. I’m so happy I have a sister now. I get tired of all those boys being around.”

“Kevin, you’re growing up. I am so proud of you.” My mom hugged Kevin. Tears were pouring down her eyes.

I looked over at Nick. He looked so uncomfortable. I walked over to him and grabbed his handle. We quickly snuck outside to the patio.

“Is everything okay Nick?”

“Yeah. I just wish I had this with my family.”

“I know Nick. It sucks that your family is the way they are.”

“I know. I just wish they cared a little more about me and not just my career. I wish I had a mom like yours.” He raked his hands through his hair.

“Nick my mom adores you. She told me how sweet you were. She says she can really tell you love me. Nick as long as we are together, my mom is your mom.” I took his hand in mine.

“Wow. Your mom loves you. My mom only cares about my career. I wish she could relax and get to know you. I hate that she calls you names.”

“It does hurt, but Nick I love you too much to care about what your mama thinks. I know you love me and that is all that matters.”

Nick pulled me in close to him. We stood there cuddling in the silence of Christmas night. We didn’t need words to describe how we felt. We shared a closeness that didn’t need words.

“You can spend more time with my mom when we go to Canada. We can go to lunch. She would love to get to know you better.”

“That would cool.”

“It would. I have told her a lot about you. She thinks you are sweet and romantic.” I rubbed his back.

“You don’t tell her everything? I mean not about our sex life.” He asked seriously. I chuckled.

“Definitely not. I don’t think that’s a conversation I am willing to have with my mom.  Our hot and wonderful sex life is between you and me in the sheets.” I teased and placed a kiss on his lips.

“Well it’s not always between the sheets, baby girl.”

“That’s all in the semantics. We better go inside before Kevin sends a search party for us.

We walked into the kitchen. My mom was standing by the stove making tea. Nick smiled and went into the living room.

“Ahh…young love. It’s such a sweet time in life.” My mom sighed.

“I love him so much mom.”

“I can tell. I think you found your soul mate. You remind me of your dad and me when we fell in love.”

“Really?”

“Yes, nothing could keep us apart. I wanted to spend all my time with your dad. He was always finding ways to touch me. He had to always feel me near him.”

“I guess Nick is like that.”

“Honey, he’s always playing with your hair, holding your hand, rubbing your arm or leg. I think it’s sweet. So many things can be said with just a touch.”

“Mom, you get it. Kevin gets annoyed by it. Our friends tease us. Thank you for understanding.” I knew my mom would understand my relationship the best.

“I saw how you two embraced each other out there. You weren’t talking but so many emotions and thoughts were connecting your love together. It’s special when you can say so much to a person without talking. Nick and you are meant to be together.”

“Thanks mom. He’s so worried that you don’t like him.” I confided in her.

“I like Nick a lot. Anyone who treats my daughter that special holds a place in my heart. I think Nick will make an excellent member of the Richardson family.”

“Mom, our relationship is new and you are planning on us getting married.” My mother was shocking me with her plans for my future.

“I call it like I see it. I knew Nia and Kevin would be getting engaged. They are perfect for each other. You and Nick have something even more special. I can’t begin to describe it, but I know what it feels like. That is what I shared with your dad. You and Nick will spend a lifetime loving each other.”

“You ready to rock!” AJ danced into the room. I rolled my eyes at him. It was seven o’clock in the morning. AJ was very chipper.

“Shut up.”

“Ashy, what’s the matter? You are usually a morning person.” He sat next to me.

“I couldn’t sleep. Nick made me watch some scary movie.”

“Aww, you two are so cute together.”

“Thanks. Now go bother someone else, I need a nap.”

AJ got up and left. I closed my eyes and tried to drift off to sleep. I could have killed Nick for making me watch a scary movie. I spent all night tossing and turning in my bed. It didn’t help that I was in a strange hotel. I almost jumped in bed with my mom.

I finally got comfortable when I felt a body slump against me.

“Ashy baby, wakey wakey rise and shine ring a ding ding its party time.”

“Go away Nick.” I groaned.

“What’s wrong babygirl?”

“You made me watch that movie. I was scared all night that I didn’t sleep.”

“I’m sorry. You should have called me. I would have protected you.” He kissed my cheek.

“My mom would have loved to wake up to see you in my bed.” I yawned.

“I would tell her I was protecting you from the boogey monster.” I smacked him in the arm.

“Cuddle with me. When do you need to be on stage?”

“In about an hour. They are setting things up.”

Nick pulled me closer to him. I got comfortable and drifted off to a peaceful sleep.

--------------------------

“Where is Nick?”

“I haven’t seen him for a while.” Brian sat on the edge of the stage.

“Why isn’t he responsible? He’s probably all over Ashton. That’s all they do.” Kevin huffed.

“Kevin, relax. The last time I saw Ashton she was trying to sleep. Nick probably got caught up playing video games. Howie and I will go find them.”

AJ and Howie walked off the stage and headed toward the green room.

“Kevin needs to chill.”

“He just wants things to go perfect. Nick is going to be in so much trouble with him.” Howie commented.

They entered the green room. Nick and I were asleep on the couch.

“They are so cute.”

“I don’t wanna wake them up.”

“I’ll do it.” AJ laughed. “WAKE UP SLEEPYHEADS!!!”

I jumped up startled. I had no idea where I was. I looked around and saw Howie and Alex. I stretched and stood up.

“Why did you have to give me a heart attack?”

“Nick is late for sound check.  Kevin’s getting all pissy about it. He thinks you two are doing the nasty.”

I glared at Alex. He was always so blunt. At times I wish I could muzzle him. Howie looked just as annoyed at Alex.

“Whatever. There’s more to our relationship than just sex. I’ll wake up Nick and send him to the stage. Tell Kevin to go to hell.”

AJ and Howie left the room.

I shook Nick’s arm. He didn’t budge.

“Nicky wake up. You’re needed at sound check.” I tugged on arm.

“I don’t want to. Lay back down.”

“Nick you need to get to sound check. Kevin’s going to kick your ass. You’re late.”

“I don’t care. I just want to lay here with you.” He brought me closer to him.

“I love you Nick, but you have to go. Kevin already thinks you are skipping out of sound check to be with me.”

Nick pulled my face to his and placed his lips on mine. He kissed me softly and stuck his tongue in my mouth. I forgot all about Kevin and the sound check. All I concentrated on was Nick’s lips on mine. We forgot all about the time.

“I thought you were sleeping. It’s nice that AJ covered for you. I’m glad you care about the group Nick.”

We broke apart and both of us stood up. Kevin looked pissed beyond belief.

“Go to hell Kevin. We were sleeping. I just woke up and was giving her a kiss. I was on my way. You don’t have to cop an attitude with us. We weren’t doing anything.”

“Save it, Nick. Every time you two are together you’re all over each other. It’s disgusting. I don’t enjoy seeing you groping my little sister.” Kevin said through gritted teeth. “Don’t forget you are here to do a job. Get your ass on the stage. Now.”

Nick gave him a look and left the room. He was clearly ticked at Kevin. I think my brother was being a little unfair towards Nick. It was an honest mistake.

“Don’t even start with me. I am tired of you treating me like a baby. I’m an adult. I expect you to treat me that way.”

“When you start acting like an adult, I’ll treat you like one. I don’t think mom would appreciate her daughter having sex.”

“Kevin what does that have to do with anything? That is between Nick and me. I’m being mature and responsible when it comes to my sex life, not that it is any of your business.”

“Whatever Ashton. Just don’t get in the way of the group. Nick has a job to do and he can’t spend every single minute with you.”

I was hurt by Kevin’s words. I would never get in the way of the group. What kind of person did my brother think I was? He had me stunned. I stood there looking at him.

“I don’t expect him to spend every waking minute with me. It was accident. We fell asleep. AJ woke me up. When he left I woke Nick up. He was giving me a kiss goodbye. All you think we do is have sex. That isn’t true.”

“I’ll believe that when I see it.” He laughed at me.

“Fine, Kevin. You won’t stop until you have the final word. I’m done. I’m sorry that you are jealous of Nick and me. I can’t help that or change that. You need to get over us or leave us alone.” I walked out of the room. Kevin stood there with his mouth wide open.

“I enjoyed lunch with you mom. She is so nice.”

“Thanks Nick. It means a lot to me. My mom thinks you are great. She says we are the perfect couple. She really likes you a lot.”

We were sitting on the couch at the venue. Nick and I were relaxing before the show.

Everyone else was doing their own thing. Kevin was talking with our mom. Alex, Brian, and Howie were playing pool.

“How did sound check go?”

“Well besides Kevin yelling at me the whole time, it was fine.” Nick played with my hair.

“He’s being an ass. I think he’s jealous of our relationship.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Every time we kiss or are romantic, he throws a fit. I don’t say a word to him when he’s all over Nia.”

“I think it’s hard for him to see his little sister growing up. I wouldn’t be happy seeing a guy all over my sisters.”

“I guess, but he’s got to deal with it. I can’t keep my hands off you.” I giggled.

I quickly straddled Nick’s lap. He looked surprised. I bent down and kissed his lips. We started a full on make out session. His hands were all over my body. My hands were in his hair. We didn’t care about anything else but each other.

“Ashton, do you know where….oh my goodness.” Ann looked in surprise.

I broke away from Nick and looked at my mother. She looked embarrassed and uncomfortable.

I got off of Nick’s lap and sat down beside him.

“Umm…sorry mom. What do you need?”

“I was just wondering where your brother was. I didn’t mean to interrupt.” My mom gave me a pointed look.

“Sorry mom.” I hung my head. I was mortified that my mom caught me straddling my boyfriend’s lap. It was quite embarrassing.

Nick sat there with his eyes closed. He was clearly frustrated and uncomfortable with my mom catching us.

“Nick, I got to go to the ladies room. I’ll see you in a few.” I quickly ran out of the room.

Ann sat down next to Nick.

“Open your eyes and look at me.” She said quietly.

Nick slowly opened his eyes and looked at Ann.

“I’m sorry.”

“What are you sorry for?”

“I’m sorry you caught us in a compromising position.”

“Nick, relax. I know that you both love each other. I know that you are going to kiss and be intimate. I don’t want to see it, but I know that those things are going to happen. I was young once.”

Nick smiled shyly. He really didn’t want to have a sex talk about his sex life with his girlfriend’s mother.

“When two people are in love as much as you and Ashton, I know that you will be intimate. Just take care of her and be safe. I don’t want to see any grandchildren until you are married.”

“We are being safe. Neither of us is ready to be parents. I promise to wait until we get married. Why are you so understanding?”

“Nick you make my daughter happy. She’s been through a lot in her life. I’ve never her seen her smile as brightly as she does when you enter the room. You have something special. Don’t ever forget that. I could get mad and throw a fit, but that won’t stop you. As long as you use protection and are mature about it, I will accept that part of your relationship. Just be careful about where you decide to show that type of love.  Make sure it’s in private.” She smiled.

“I will do that.”

“That’s a good idea. I don’t want Kevin freaking out on the two of you again. He’s a little over protective of his sister. I don’t want him having a heart attack before he’s twenty-five.” She teased. Nick laughed.

“Thank you, Mrs. Richardson.”

“Call me mom.” She gave him a hug.

----------------------------------

“It’s almost midnight. Time to start a new year!” Brian said. The crowd went wild.

“You going to help us countdown?” Kevin asked the audience. An eruption of screams filled the arena.

“Ten…nine…eight…seven…six…five…four…three…two….one. Happy New Year!”

Everyone in the audience was screaming and jumping around. It was awesome to see even if it was ten thirty at night. I thought it was cool they wanted to celebrate the New Year early with the fans.

“You’ve been a great audience. We can’t wait to come back again.” They ran off the stage.

“Mom they were awesome.” I said as we wait for the arena to clear out. It was fun hearing all the comments from the fans.

“They are going to be successful. I’m so proud of them.”

“Kevin is so suave. Brian and Nick crack me up. They are such goofballs.” I said excitedly

“Nick Carter is like so hot. I’m going to marry him some day.” A girl gushed behind us.

I looked at my mom and smiled. She smiled back. I wasn’t jealous of the fans. What girl wouldn’t dream of Nick the way I did? He was everything a girl could want. I was lucky enough to have him in my heart.

“Aww. You have some competition.” Ann teased.

“I guess I do. I’m happy they like him, but I know he’s mine.” I whispered back.

The guys’ management didn’t want the fans to know they had girlfriends. They said they would be more marketable if they were single. The fans would think they had a chance to be their girlfriends and future wives, which in turn would sell more records. Whatever. I knew Nick was mine, so it didn’t really matter. This was his job. I was his life.

“He’ll be yours forever. Now go find him and celebrate the New Year.”

--------------------------------------------------

“I had an interesting talk with your mom today.”

“Really?” I took a bite of pizza.

“Yeah. After you left me alone with her, we had a talk about our sex life.”

“You talked to my mom about our sex life?” I was shocked and a little disturbed about this. It was kind of strange.

“I was mortified at first. It’s not a conversation I thought I would have with your mom ever. She was actually kind of cool about it.”

“Okay. What did she say?”

“She understood that we are going to be intimate and to make sure we use protection. She doesn’t want us to have babies until we get married.”

“Wow.”

“Then she told me to not make out in public or near Kev. She doesn’t want him to have a heart attack. That cracked me up.”

“I love my mom. She’s the coolest.”

“She is. She told me to call her mom.”

“I love you Nick. Happy New Year.”

“Happy New Year.”

The guys were finishing a small tour Quebec. They were rehearsing for tonight’s concert. My mom and I were having lunch before she headed back to Kentucky tomorrow morning.

“Ashton, how serious are things with Nick?”

“Mom, there is no other man for me. I could never be with anyone else. He’s my everything.”

“We had a talk yesterday.”

I picked at my salad. I was uncomfortable talking to my mom about my private life with Nick.

“Nick mentioned that.”

“Ashton, I know that it’s embarrassing to talk to you mom about your sex life, but we need to have this talk.”

“Fine. Let’s get it over with. What do you want to talk about?” I had my head down. I didn’t want her to see the redness in my cheeks.

“First off there’s nothing to be embarrassed about. Sex is a normal part of life. I know that you and Nick are having sex.”

“Mom, do we really need to do this? I already know about the birds and bees. We had this talk when I was eight.” I pleaded for her to stop.

“This has nothing to do with the birds and bees. Sweetie, I know that right now everything is new and exciting, but don’t let sex be the overruling activity in your relationship.”

“Mom, believe me it’s not. You sound like Kevin.” I put my fork down and looked at her.

“I’m not trying to. Just eventually the sex is going to dwindle. You need to have a solid relationship when that happens. You need love and friendship.”

“Nick is my best friend. We hang out and talk. I can tell him anything.”

“That is wonderful. Not many people have that. You are truly a special couple. I can tell that he makes you happy.” My mom smiled at me.

“Thanks. I can’t see my life without him. Did Kevin ask you to talk to me?”

“He’s had some concerns. He thinks you and Nick are wonderful together.”

“But. I know there’s a but coming. With Kevin there’s always a but.” I rolled my eyes.

“Your brother means well. He has your best interest at heart. He thinks you are moving to fast when it comes to the physical part of your relationship.”

“That’s because he’s always catching us in intimate moments. I feel bad, but I love Nick. We are both being responsible mom. I would never do anything I didn’t feel comfortable with. Nick respects me and my values. He wouldn’t hurt me.”

“I trust you. Ashton, you’re growing up to be a wonderful woman. I’m proud of you.”

----------------------

“How was the concert?”

“It was good. We got a bunch of bras thrown at us.”

“Sounds like fun. I bet Alex loved that.”

“Brian and he were holding them up in front of them. It was hilarious.” I laughed as I pictured that in my head.

“I’m sorry I missed the show.” I rubbed his back.

“I understand. Time with your mom is important. That feels really good Ashy.”

I was giving Nick a massage.

“I’m glad. Do you think our relationship is just about sex?”

“No. I mean it is part of relationship, but I don’t think it defines us. Why?”

“Kev talked to my mom about us. He’s worried that our relationship is based on sex and nothing else.”

“Doesn’t he have anything else to worry about? I get he worries about you, but he should worry about his own relationship.” Nick was annoyed by Kevin’s butting in on our relationship.

“I know. He’s sooo annoying.”

“I mean I am a guy, and I think about sex ninety nine percent of the time, but it’s not the only reason I’m with you.”

“So why are you with me?” I asked boldly.

“You are beautiful, smart, caring, funny, feisty, sexy and the list goes on and on.”

“Okay, anything else?”

“I love everything about you. I like the way your scrunch your nose when you study. I love how you call just to say goodnight. You make me feel whole. You love me when I feel unlovable. You’re my family.” He smiled at me. Tears fell down my face. I couldn’t believe he said I was his family.

“Nick, wow. I love you so much.” He kissed my cheek.

“So why are you with me?”

“Because you are the famous and wonderful Nick Carter. All the girls want you, but I’m the one that has you.” I cooed.

“You are such a dork. Really that’s the only reason you are with me?” He pouted.

“That and all your riches. I get to be famous because you are my boyfriend. I’ll be famous for no reason. I love it.” I teased.

Nick jumped off the bed. I saw the look on his face and quickly ran towards the door.

“Get back here Ashton.”

I ignored him and ran into the hallway. He followed me. I continued running down the hall until I bumped into someone.

“Whoa! Watch out.” I fell to the ground and pulled Howie down with me. Nick stopped next to us.

“Sorry Howie.” I started to laugh. Howie joined in.

“What are you two up to?”

“Nick is being a meanie. He’s chasing me down the hall.” I pleaded innocence.

“She’s lying man. She’s only with me for my fame and fortune.”

“I knew there had to be a reason she was with you. It couldn’t be your looks or personality.” Howie said seriously.

“Howie, shut the hell up. Glad to know whose side you’re on.”

Howie and I busted out laughing.

“Nicky, you know I love you for more than your fame and fortune. I like your cute butt. I like your sad, pathetic pout. It’s just so cute.”

“Ugg...you can sleep in Howie’s room tonight.” Nick walked away quickly.

“Do you think he’s mad at me?” I was unsure if he was really mad or not.

“This is Nick. He likes to pick on everyone else, but doesn’t like to be picked on. I would go talk to him.”

I walked back to the room and knocked on the door.

“Go away.”

“Nick, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. I was just joking.”

“Leave me alone. You hurt my feelings. I thought we had something special. I don’t know if this relationship is working.” Nick said cheerlessly.

“Nick, are you breaking up with me?” I was ready to cry. I was just teasing him. I didn’t think he would take me seriously.

Nick opened the door and started laughing.

“I gotcha.” He fell to the floor.

“You’re such a jerk, Nick. I believed you.”

I went to the bed and grabbed a pillow and started beating him with it.

This is what I loved about Nick.

Life was getting busy again. School had started again. I was busy taking classes and volunteering. I was starting to get low on cash, so I got a job working the front desk at the dorm. Time with Nick was sparse. He was busy recording and rehearsing. We maybe talked twice a week on the phone and it was never for more than a half an hour. I missed Nick. I was so used to seeing him everyday.

I dialed Nick’s number and waited for him to answer.

“Umm…hello?”

“Hi Nicky. What’s up?”

“Oh, hey Ashton. I’m packing.” I heard Nick rummaging through some papers.

“Where you going?”

“I’m leaving for Sweden to do some recording.”

“Oh. How long will you be gone?” I asked quietly.

“I’m not sure. We leave tomorrow and have to record a bunch of songs.” He said hastily. I could tell he didn’t want to talk to me.

“Will we still be able to talk? I’m going to miss you.”

“I don’t know. Hey, I can’t talk right now. I’ll try to call you when I can.” He hung up the phone.

I was amazed by Nick’s attitude. This was not normal. Usually he would talk to me, but now he was giving me the cold shoulder. I didn’t even do anything, but ask about his stupid life. I couldn’t believe he hung up on me. What a jerk!

“Hello!”

“Why did you hang up on me?”

“Ashton, I don’t have time for this. I’m trying to pack. I’m leaving at five in the morning. I’m tired. I can’t deal with you at the moment.” He got defensive.

“I’m sorry. Is there anything I can do for you? Do you want me to come over and help you pack?’

“No. I just want to get done and go to bed. If you’re here it will just be harder.”

“Fine. I was just trying to be nice. I thought you might want to see your girlfriend. We haven’t seen each other in over a week, and I won’t see you until whenever. I don’t know what your problem is, but whatever. Don’t bother calling me.” I slammed my phone down.

If he was going to act like a jerk, I didn’t even want to deal with him. I was furious.

--------------------------------------------

I woke up the next morning feeling miserable. I was up all night tossing and turning. My mind was on Nick. I had never been so angry with him. He totally dismissed me. This was the first fight we’ve had since we got together. I didn’t like being mad at him, especially when he was going away. I was going to miss him and we weren’t even talking to one another.

“You look like hell.”

I gave Sage a dirty look and sat down on the couch.

“Nick and I are fighting.” I grumbled.

“You mean the perfect couple fights?” Sage asked incredulously.

“First off, we are not perfect. Second, yes we fight and disagree all the time.”

“Sorry. What happened?”

“I called him last night and he left for Sweden this morning. He didn’t want to talk to me or say goodbye. He could have left for Sweden and not even told me.”

“That sucks. Maybe he’s just stressed. I know that you both have been busy.”

“I know that, but don’t you think I deserve to know that my boyfriend is going halfway across the world. What if I called him and he didn’t answer for days? I would be worried sick about him.”

“That’s true. I think you need to talk about what is going on in your lives and figure out a manageable schedule for spending time together. You went from spending every waking moment together to being so busy you barely see each other. It’s all or nothing with you two. You need to meet somewhere in the middle.”

“I guess so. You know a lot about relationships.”

“I read a lot of magazines. I know it will work out, and Kevin will be yelling at you for making out.”

---------------------------------

Nick silently stared at the window. He was feeling agitated, especially after last night. He didn’t want to make Ashton mad. He was feeling stressed out and her phone call only made it worse. He felt like he was being pulled in a thousand different directions. He missed Ashton. She had become so busy with school and work that he never saw her. He didn’t like that. Nick missed holding her and making love to her. He was not handling the changes in his relationship very well.

“Frack, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” He continued to look out the window. Nick did not feel like talking to Brian.

“Okay. You seem frustrated.”

“Frustrated. Hell yes, I’m frustrated. I haven’t seen Ashton in like over a week. She’s always busy with school, work or volunteering. I miss her, and then I have to get on a stupid plane to Europe. Last night we got into a fight. I can’t deal with it anymore.” Nick said in one breath.

“Nick, calm down. You’re going to give yourself a heart attack before the age of seventeen. You are under a lot of stress right now.” Brian patted his friend on the back.

“I know Bri. I just feel helpless. I love her so much. We are both so busy, that we don’t have time for each other anymore. I miss not seeing her everyday. The less I see her the more angry I get.”

“Nick relationships are hard. You both have dreams you are trying to fulfill. You’re both young. Your relationship started fast. I think you need to slow it down a bit. Maybe this time away will do you both some good. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder.”

“Sure Bri. I hate that the last time I talked to her we fought. Everyone thinks we are rushing our relationship. She’s the only girl for me. I live and breathe for her. I know I might only be sixteen, but I don’t see myself with anyone else. You might not understand it. Hell, I don’t either. My feelings for her are stronger than anything I ever felt.”

“Well, Ashton is lucky to have a boyfriend like you. You truly care about her. Call her when we get to Sweden and apologize.”

Nick nodded his head and continued staring out the window.

A week had passed and still no word from Nick. I guess he was truly mad at me. Unfortunately I did not have a phone number to reach him. It sucked not being able to talk to him at all. I hoped that he was okay in Sweden. I was worried about him.

I sat on my bed studying for my teaching foundations course. My thoughts were not on philosophies of education.

“Ashton, you have a phone call.” Sage yelled into my room.

“Thanks, I got it.” I quickly picked up the phone. “Hello.”

“Hey Ashy.”

“Nick. I’ve missed your voice.”

“Oh, baby girl. I miss you so much. What have you been up to?”

“Not much. How’s recording?”

“It’s okay.”

He seemed so distant. I couldn’t stand the small talk. I felt like I was talking to someone I barely knew.

“Really? I thought you would be more excited about it. This is your dream.”

“Yeah.”

Neither of us spoke for a few minutes. Things were strained between us. I was uncomfortable, and I could tell he was, also.

“Nick…what’s wrong? You are acting strange. Are you still mad at me?”

“Nothing’s wrong? I’m tired. Recording is a long and tedious process. Can’t we forget about that fight? It was silly.” He said testily.

“Watch the attitude. I didn’t do anything to deserve it. I’m sorry your life sucks at the moment. My life isn’t so peachy either. I can’t forget the way you treated me. It hurts when you act like you don’t care about me.”

“Why are you being such a bitch? I didn’t mean to get snippy with you that night, but I was stressed. Our schedules are so hectic, and I never get to see you. I miss being with you.”

“Nickolas, I’m not being a bitch. I’m just trying to say our relationship is important, and we have to talk about our problems. You may want to brush it under the carpet, but it won’t go away. Nick, we knew our schedules were going to be crazy. What happens when you get famous and tour the world, I’m not always going to be there at your side. I want to pursue my dreams and live my life, too.”

“I’m sorry that I like spending time with my girlfriend. I know you want to pursue your dreams. I don’t expect you to be by my side at all. In fact, maybe we shouldn’t be together at all.”

“Nick that’s not what I was saying. You don’t listen. I just want you to respect my dreams. I miss being with you, but we need to learn to work on being separated. You couldn’t even tell me you were going to Sweden. If I didn’t call you that night, you would have left without a word. I can’t believe you acted like that. How long did you know about Sweden?” I yelled.

“Why are you making me out to be the asshole? Fine, I knew since I came back from Canada. I just didn’t know how to tell you. I knew it would upset you, and we hardly spent any time together. You are busy with school and work.” He whispered.

“You are an ass, Nick. You act like I’m a fragile butterfly. Sure I would be sad you were going to Sweden, but I understand. I would miss you no matter what. It’s like you don’t even know me.”

“I can’t deal with you anymore. I’m getting shit on by Kevin. AJ’s been bugging me. Now, I wanted to hear your voice and talk to you. All you want to do is fight. I’m calling your internationally and spending a fortune to get yelled at. I can’t take it. I’ve got to go.”

“Don’t hang up.” He had already disconnected.

This is not how I wanted my conversation to go with Nick. Instead of things getting better, they were even worse.

I threw my book and highlighter across the room. It land by the wall with a thud. I crawled under the covers and cried myself to sleep.

--------------------------------

Nick sat on the couch looking extremely pissed.

“You ready to record the next song?” Kevin asked.

“As ready as ever.” Nick plastered a fake smile on his face.

They walked into the sound booth. Howie passed out the lyrics. Nick read them and felt like running away. He did not want to sing  this song. His chest felt tight, and he knew the tears were going to fall. He couldn’t cry in front of the guys. He listened to the other guys sing their parts. The chorus was coming up.

“I’ll never break your heart. I'll never make you cry. I'd rather die than live without you.” Nick stopped singing and ran out.

Kevin took off his head phones and went to find Nick. He walked around the studio and found him outside.

“Nick, why did you run out?”

“Kev, leave me alone.”

“Are you having girl troubles?” Kevin sat next to him.

“Maybe.” He started wiping the tears of his face, so Kevin wouldn’t see. Nick didn’t want Kevin to think he was a baby.

“You can talk to me about, unless it’s about your sex life. I don’t ever want to hear about that.”

“I wouldn’t dream of telling you about my sex life. Ashton and I had a fight before we left. I was afraid to call her, but I finally broke down and called. She wasn’t even happy I called. All she wanted to do was talk about our fight.”

“One word of advice, women love to talk and analyze every part of the relationship. Sometimes it’s just easier to talk about it and move on. Ashton doesn’t forget easily.”

“I can admit I was a jerk. We went from spending all our time together, to spending no time together. I can’t take not seeing her. Then she’s all about how she can’t spend all her time with me because she has her own dreams. I know she has dreams, and I’m proud of her. She just made me madder.”

“Nick, this is normal. You are charting new territory in your relationship. You both love each other more than anyone I know. You annoy us all with your relationship. Ashton has a hard time with change. She’s been through a lot and she’s gets defensive when things change. You’re going to have to talk with her about things. That is how she processes things.  If not, it’s never going to work.”

“I’m such a jerk.” Nick punched the wall.

“Stop. You don’t have to hurt yourself because you acted foolishly. Ashton loves you. Right now you are both frustrated with the current situation in your life.  Give her time to calm her temper. Call her tomorrow and discuss your problems. Get used to this; it’s not going to get any easier. Just ask any guy.”

Nia and I sat at the airport waiting for the guys to come home. I was feeling somewhat apprehensive and tense because I hadn’t talked to Nick since our fight a few weeks ago. I was excited to see him, but nervous that he wouldn’t want to see me.

“I can’t wait to see Kevin. I missed him so much.”

I smiled at Nia. She was so in love with my brother.

A few minutes later, I heard the voices of five of my favorite guys. They were laughing and acting goofy.

“Cut it out guys. We’re in public.” Kevin rolled his eyes.

Nia ran up to him. He was startled but happy to see her. Kevin pulled her into his arms. I stood back watching them. I was afraid to look at Nick. At this point I didn’t even know if we were still a couple.

“Ashton. What’s up girl?” Alex pulled me into a hug.

“Hi Alex.” I whispered.

“He loves you. Nick’s just stubborn. You’ll get through it.” He whispered in my ear. I held back the tears that were threatening to fall. I couldn’t lose my composure in front of everyone.

Alex let go of me and went to get his luggage. All the guys quickly found their suitcases. It was a mad rush to the car.

“I brought the Jeep Cherokee and four of you can fit. Ashton brought her car, so some can ride with her.” Nia said giving the four older guys a look.

“I’m riding with you, babe.” Kevin started putting his luggage in the trunk.

“I’ll ride with you.” Brian followed Kevin’s lead.

“Me, too.”

“I’ll come along with you.”

That left Nick and I standing in the parking garage. He was staring at the ground. I felt uncomfortable.

“Nick, I guess you’re riding with me.” I whispered.

He grabbed his duffle bag and put in the trunk. Quietly, he got in the passenger seat.

The ride home was quiet.  I didn’t know what to say to Nick. My heart was still hurting from our fight. Nick was ignoring me by looking out the window. I decided to make the first move.

“How was Sweden?”

“It was nice.”

“That’s good.”

“Yeah.”

“So…ummm”

“Ashton, enough with the small talk. Everyone knows we’re fighting. They planned this, so we could talk. Let’s talk and get it over with.”

“Fine, Nick. Apparently they care more about our relationship then you do. You haven’t called me for three weeks. How do you think that makes me feel?”

“I’m sorry I didn’t call you. Talking to you only made me feel worse. I missed you and knew I couldn’t be with you. It hurt me to know I wasn’t able to kiss you and hold you.”

“Nick, I feel the same way, but it hurt when you ignored me. I thought you didn’t want to be with me anymore.” I sighed. I was frustrated even though I understood his logic.

“Baby girl, you’re the only one for me. I love you more than life, but I can’t take this distance.”

“The distance isn’t in actual miles Nick. The distance that is tearing us apart is you ignoring me and not communicating. I didn’t even have your number to call you. I had no way to communicate with you. You put the distance between us because you couldn’t handle it. You didn’t want to try. You would rather ignore it.”

I drove the car into his driveway. We sat in the car not saying anything.

“Are we going to sit here all day?” I asked.

He looked at me. Then he got out of the car. I quickly followed him to the porch.

“Do you want me to come in?”

“Do whatever you want, Ashton.” Nick walked into the house and sat down on the couch.

“Nick what is your problem?”

“I DON’T KNOW!!!” He yelled.

“Why are you yelling at me? I didn’t do anything. You are such a jerk.”

“I just can’t deal with this now.”

“It’s not that you can’t, you just won’t. I don’t know what else you want me to do. If this is the way you’re going to act, I think we need to take a break. I’m not going to be in a one sided relationship. Call me when you’re ready to grow up and act like a man.” I quickly left.

--------------------------------------------

“Alex and Bri thank you for letting me stay.”

“Anytime. You two behave. I’ll be back later.”

“Have fun on your date.”

“So Alex, let’s get drunk. I want to forget about Nick.”

“I don’t think drowning your sorrows is the best things to do.”

“Come on, I want to do something wild and crazy. The last month has been hell for me.”

I walked into the kitchen and search the cupboards. I found a bottle of vodka. I took it out and grabbed a cup. I poured a mouthful into the cup and swallowed it down. It burned the hell out of my throat, but I didn’t care. I’d rather my throat hurt instead of my heart. I poured more vodka into the cup and drank it up. It didn’t burn as much the second or third time it went down my throat.

Alex walked into the kitchen and grabbed the bottle from my hand.

“Give It Back.” I screamed at him. As I reached for it, I felt the room swim. This was the first time I had ever drank vodka. I was definitely drunk.

“Ashton you’ve had enough. This isn’t going to solve your problems.”

“Nick doesn’t want to, so why should I. I broke up with him today.”

“You did?”

“Yes, he doesn’t want to work on our problems. He just wants to ignore them. I’m tired of him. Why is the room spinning?” I started to giggle.

“Let’s go sit on the couch.” Alex grabbed my hand and walked me into the living room.

“Let’s dance.” I ran to the radio and turned it on full blast.

I grabbed Alex’s hand and started to dance. I grinded against Alex. He clearly wasn’t enjoying our dance. I paid no attention to him. I continued to dance, but stumbled on the carpet and fell to the couch. The tears I had been holding back started to fall like a waterfall.

“I love Nick so much. He hates me.” I bawled.

“Shh…shh, it’s going to be okay.” Alex comforted me.

Within minutes I drifted off to sleep.

The months were flying by, as I was busy with school and work.  Winter became spring and the semester was almost over. I was contemplating whether to go home to Kentucky or stay with Kevin in Orlando. Either way I would need a job.

I was enjoying the day helping my future sister-in-law plan her wedding.

“Nia how many bridesmaids and groomsmen are in the wedding?” I asked curiously.

“Well Kevin’s list is rather long. Jerald and Tim are going to be the best men because he couldn’t pick. The groomsmen are Brian, Harold, Howie, AJ, and Nick.”

“That’s cool. Have you decided who’s walking with whom?” I prayed I wouldn’t get stuck with Nick. I hadn’t seen him since we broke up at the end of January. It was almost April.

“Yeah. We decided last night. Jerald is walking with my sister Tiffany.” I really only wanted to know who I was walking with.

“That’s nice. Who am I walking with?”

Nia smiled at me. I knew she was going to say Nick.

“We put you with Nick because you are both so tall. You would look funny walking down the aisle with Brian.” She said carefully.

“Thanks a lot.” I huffed. I had no right to be upset, but I was.

“Ashton, I know how much you care about him.”

“Stop. I don’t want to hear it. I’m done with him. I’ve moved on. He clearly has. It’s not anyone’s fault our relationship didn’t work. I promise to be polite and civil. I wouldn’t ruin your wedding day.” I said sadly.

“I know it hurts. It sucks that he turned out to be such a jerk. You will find the man of your dreams. Don’t settle for less than the best.” She comforted me.

“What if he is the best? Then I’m doomed. Maybe I should become a nun.”

“Okay Sister Ashton. Pack yourself a bag and I’ll drop you off at the convent.” Nia joked.

“Ha ha ha! When is Kevin coming home?”

“Nice change of subject. They are coming home on April 6th. I can’t wait to see him.”

“I bet. I’m sure you miss him in your bed.” I teased.

“Ashton Jeannette, I don’t kiss and tell.” Her face turned red.

“Thank goodness. I don’t want to know.”

------------------------------------------------------------------

The guys were sitting backstage eating dinner before the concert. Kevin pulled out a sheet of paper.

“Nia and I decided who you will be ushering down the aisle at the wedding.”

Nick was curious if he was going to walk with Ashton. All the other girls were so short compared to him. It was going to be hard for him to walk with her. He was madly in love with the girl, but was such a coward when it came to fixing their relationship.

“AJ, you’ll be with Maddie. Brian you are with Drea. Howie and Sarah. Nick that leaves you with Ashton.”

Nick put his head down on the table. All the guys looked at him. Kevin motioned for all the other guys to leave. He wanted to have a man to man chat with Nick.

“Nick, we need to talk.”

“What?” He said as he lifted up his head.

“I’m getting tired of you moping around. What is up with you and Ashton?”

“Nothing. She dumped me when we came back from Sweden. I haven’t talked to her since.” Nick picked the skin off his finger.

“Well, I don’t blame her. She tried to work out the problems in your relationship, but you chose to ignore them instead.”

“I didn’t want to. I was confused. Hell, I still am. I love her so much, but not being with her kills me. I can’t take being in Europe and her being home. It makes me feel like shit.”

“Nick, none of us like being away from the people we love. It’s not easy. Ignoring her is not the answer. Like I said before communication is the answer. You have to talk about your feelings. Tell her how you feel. That’s how relationships work.”

“I know that. You tell me this at least once a day. Maybe I’m not ready to be in a relationship. I’m seventeen years old. I’m just a dumb teenager. Ashton was right that maybe I need to grow up, but at this point I don’t think I’m ready to be grown up.” Kevin was beginning to piss off Nick. He was tired of the endless relationship talks with Kevin.

“Fine, Nick. I’m done trying to help you. She’s not going to wait for you forever. She loves you more than life itself, but I guess her love isn’t enough for you. I told you not to hurt my sister, and you’ve done it time and time again. I think you are the perfect couple. You both deserve to have that special love. Not many people find it. You both have, and both of you are so stubborn that you might end up losing that love. This is my last conversation with you about this. I’m done trying to help you.” Kevin pushed his chair under the table and walked away.

“Go to hell Sir Kevin Richardson, King Know It All.” Nick screamed at Kevin as he walked out the door. He knew he was being immature but he didn’t care.

“What did he do now?”

“Frick, he’s on my ass about Ashton again. He won’t leave me alone. I’m trying to deal with the damn break up and he’s on me constantly about it.”

“He’s just trying to be helpful. I know it’s annoying, but cut the guy some slack.”

“Whatever. The guy is so wishy washy. At first he was on me because I was all over his baby sister. Now he’s on me because we aren’t together. Which way does he want it?”

“He wants his baby sister happy, but for you to not be doing the nasty in public.” Brian laughed.

“Anyways. Let’s go shoot some hoops. I need to relax.”

Nick grabbed the ball and walked outside. Brian followed his lead.

“What is taking Alex so long? He said he would be here twenty minutes ago.” I stated impatiently. Sage and I were waiting for him to pick up us.

“It’s AJ. He’s always late. The club opened ten minutes ago. It’s better to be fashionably late.”

“Whatever. So Marc is okay with you going out without him?”

“Well, he’s too old. Plus he hates dancing. He trusts me with AJ.”

“Does he know you slept with him?” I fiddled with my skirt.

“Yes. We know everything about each other.”

Just then Alex pulled up in his car. I notice Nick was sitting in the passenger seat. This was not going to be a good night. I hadn’t seen him since the day we broke up. He was looking hot.

“Umm..I don’t think I’m feeling well.” I whispered to Sage.

“Don’t let him get to you. Show him what he’s missing. Make him want you.”  She said as she pushed me into the car.

“Hi Alex. I’ve missed you so much. I’m glad your back.” I totally ignored Nick.

“Ashy, you’re looking beautiful tonight. I love that skirt on you. It shows your sexy legs.” AJ complimented me. Nick glared at him.

“Thanks, J. What about me?” Sage pouted.

“Sage, you are so hot and sexy. I could just do you right now.” He said with a grin.

“Go to hell.”

Nick sat there looking pissed. He acted like he didn’t want to be here. Didn’t Alex tell him that I was going to be there?

Alex parked his car and we headed into Club Zume. It’s was twenty-one and under night. Nick headed straight to the bar. Alex, Sage, and I went to the dance floor. A fast song came on and Alex started grinding against Sage. I felt like a third wheel. I really didn’t feel like dancing, nor did I want to talk to Nick. I saw an empty table and sat down. Watching everyone dance and have a good time was not my idea of fun. I glanced around the club and saw Nick staring at me from the bar. I gave him a dirty look and he quickly walked over towards me.

“Would you stop staring at me?”

“I wasn’t staring at you. I happened to look away from the dance floor. You just happen to be in my line of sight.”

“What’s with the attitude?”

“I’m not going there Nick. Our relationship is over. We are no longer together. There’s no reason for us to even talk.”

“I completely agree. I can’t believe AJ drug me to this damn club. I wish he would stop playing matchmaker.” I rolled my eyes at him. Did he really think I wanted to be with him?

“It wouldn’t matter anyway. There’s no way I would want to be with you. You’re an immature asshole. I should have realized that the first time we broke up. I gave you a second chance and you blew it. Maybe you deserve to be with a skanky hoe bag like Kalla.”

He grabbed my arm.

“What does our relationship have to do with Kalla? You’ve become such a bitch. I always thought you were sweet and nice, but now you think you’re better than everyone else. Skimpy clothes don’t make you a slut or a hoe. You don’t have any room to talk, when you are dressed like that.” He snarled at me.

“What is wrong with my outfit?” I looked down at what I was wearing. I had a denim skirt to my mid-thigh and a cute blue crop top.

“Nothing’s wrong with it if you’re looking for sex.”

“Go to hell, Nick. I’m not dressed like a slut and you know it.” I turned my back to him, watching Alex and Sage dance.

“I’ve been living there since you dumped me.” He whispered

“What choice did you leave me, Nick? You wouldn’t communicate with me. You wanted to forget that you treated me like crap. I’m sorry, but am not going to let anyone treat me that way. I love you, but you’re not worth it.” I ran out of the club.

I sat against the building. I was not going to cry. Nick Carter was not worth my tears. Time and time again he broke my heart. I wasn’t going to let him do it again. Love just isn’t enough sometimes. I fiddled with the ring on my finger. I realized I was still wearing the promise ring he gave me at Christmas. Nick fell short on his promises.

 I stood up and walked back into the club. I found Nick sitting at the table with Alex and Sage.

“Nick, apparently you forgot that you promised to love, honor, and cherish me. I guess you forgot that.” I inched the ring off my right finger. Then I gently placed it in his hand. “So much for promises. I can’t keep that. I’m totally free from you and your empty vows of love. We are done. I don’t want to talk or see you again. I’ll be civil to you at Kevin’s wedding because I won’t ruin his day. Other than that, you don’t exist in my life.”

“Ash, you don’t mean that?” Sage said shocked.

“I do. I’m not feeling well. I’m going to take the bus home. Night.”

Everyone watched me walk away.

“Nice going Carter.”

“AJ go to hell. You caused this little scene. Trying to get us back together was stupid. We’re not meant to be. I wish you would stop.” Nick spat.

“He was only trying to help. You’re the one acting like a jackass.” Sage defended AJ.

“I didn’t ask for anyone’s help. She chose to not be with me. She chose to give back the ring. She chose to leave.”

Nick punched the table. He was furious with Ashton. He was furious with AJ. Hell, he was furious with himself. He wouldn’t admit it to anyone, this was all his fault. He just didn’t know how to fix it.

I sat in the pew waiting for the rest of the wedding party to arrive. Why was everyone always late? Impatiently I stood up and looked around the church. I saw Nick sitting with his head down in the back pew. He appeared to be praying. Anguish and sadness covered his face. I had never seen him look this way. My heart broke for him, but I was sticking to my guns and not talking to him.

“Let’s get the par-tay started.” AJ yelled through the sanctuary.

“Alex, this is a place of worship. There’s no need for screaming.” I hissed at him.

“Sorry. What’s up with Nicky?” He whispered in my ear.

“Don’t know and don’t care.”

“You’re a liar.”

“No, I’m just trying to get over him.”

“That will never happen. He loves you. You love him. I can’t wait until your wedding.” I rolled me eyes at Alex.

Within minutes everyone arrived, including the minister. Nia and her mother quickly shuffled all of us together in the narthex. Everyone found their partners except me and Nick. We stood there trying to ignore each other for as long as possible.

“Ashton where’s your usher? Go find him.” Nia’s mother pushed me along.

I quickly walked over to Nick. He wouldn’t even look at me. I still felt awful about my outburst at the club. I knew I hurt his feelings, but he made me so frustrated.

“Everyone is going to walk slowly down the isle. Nick and Ashton will be the first to go down the aisle. Then the rest of the bridesmaids will follow. After that the best men and maid of honors, and finally Nia will come down.”

The organist started to play the music. Nick stood as far away from me as possible.

“Nick you have to stand a little closer to me. We have to do this for Kevin. Just pretend you want to me near me.” I whispered.

“I don’t need to pretend.” Chills ran down my spine. He moved closer to me.

--------------------------------------

“Thanks to everyone for being here for one of the most important moments in my life. I have never been more in love with anyone. Nia, you are everything I ever needed and more. I will love you always. I wish all of you the joy and happiness I have found with Nia. True love really does exist.”  Kevin toasted to his future wife.

I couldn’t take any more of this mushy gushy love. I was happy for my brother, but I didn’t want anything to do with love or romance. I quickly exited the room.

The air outside was chilly. I shivered in my sundress. I looked at the sky deep in thought.

“Sweetheart, what’s wrong?”

“Mom, I can’t get over him. My heart aches for him.”

“Give it time. You are both so young. If it’s meant to be, it will work out. My heart tells me that you belong together. You fell hard and fast for him. Then you rushed your relationship.”

“I know. I’m afraid things won’t work out. I gave him back the ring.”

“Do you think that was the right thing to do?” Ann asked in concern.

“Probably not.  I was so mean to him the other night. He’ll never forgive me.” I sighed.

Ann noticed Nick standing in the doorway. She smiled at him.

“Give him time.” She patted my arm and went back inside.

Nick walked over to where I was standing.

“Oh…you scared me.” I jumped.

“Sorry.”

We stood there quietly for a few minutes. Both of us lost in our thoughts. I didn’t know what to say to him. Nothing seemed appropriate.

“So…umm…what…are your plans for summer?”

“I don’t know yet. I think I might stay with Kevin and Nia. I need to find a job.” I stared at the ground.

“I’m sure Disney’s hiring.”

“Yeah.”

“Why are we making this so hard?” I shrugged my shoulders, but didn’t look at him.

Nick reached over and lifted my chin. He looked me directly in the eye.

“Ashton.”

“Nick.”

“I don’t know what to say to you.”

“I can’t give you the words to say Nick.”

“I know.” He barely murmured.

“You’ve changed. You’re not the Nick I know.”

“I can say the same about you. You’ve changed just as much as I have.” He got defensive.

“What was up at the church today before everyone got there?” I wanted to know what was going on with him.

“I was talking to God. I thought he could help me figure out a way to fix this mess we’re in.” His blue eyes pierced through mine. Nick was so serious it terrified me.

“Did he give you an answer?”

“Nothing yet.” He took my hands in his. My heart started to race at his touch. “All I know is I need and want you.”

He moved closer to me. I felt his breath on my face.

“No Nick. I can’t let this happen. We can’t just move on and pretend nothing happened.” I let go of his hands and backed up.

“You’ve got to be kidding me. Why do you have to harp on me about this? You didn’t ever let me finish what I was going to say.” He huffed.

“Because you never say what needs to be said.”

“That’s because you only want me to say the things you want to hear.” Nick raised his voice.

“Keep it down. You’re going to embarrass us and ruin the night for Kevin and Nia.” I said through gritted teeth.

“Fine. Let’s just go back to your original plan. I’ll be civil to you tomorrow, but after that I won’t talk to you.”

“Fine.”

“Fine.” He walked back into the restaurant.

I stood outside. I didn’t want to go back inside and see all that mushy gushy lovey dovey crap. I wish that I could go home and hide under the covers forever.

I took a deep breath. Slowly I walked back into the restaurant.

“Nia, you look beautiful. I’m so happy for you.” I gushed at my soon to be sister-in-law.

“Thank you. I’m so nervous.”

“Don’t be. You and Kevin are meant to be together.” I handed her a small box.

“What’s this?”

“Just open it.”

Carefully Nia opened the box. Inside was a silver bracelet.

“Ashton, it’s beautiful. Thank you.”

“It’s a matching set. You’re like a sister to me. Welcome to the family.”

Nia pulled me into a hug.

---------------------------------

The wedding party assembled outside the church. It was almost time for the wedding to start. My knee length black dress was flowing in the warm spring breeze. I felt prettier than I had in a long time. My hair was curly with the sides pulled up. Normally I didn’t get all dolled up.

“It’s time. Let’s go!” Nia’s mom rushed about.

I slowly made my way to the front of the line. Nick was standing there looking handsome in his suit.  He ignored me as I walked up beside him.

The flower girl and ring bearer slowly made their way into the church.

“Are you ready?” Nick whispered. I nodded my head.

He slowly took my arm and linked it with his. We slowly walked down the aisle. My stomach was doing somersaults from his touch. It felt good to have him touch me. I missed feeling his hands on me.

We got to the end of the aisle. We unhooked arms and went to our separate sides of the church. I stood there watching everyone walk down the aisle. Finally Nia walked toward Kevin. She looked like a princess. Kevin had the biggest smile on his face.

My eyes glanced at Nick, but he looked away when our eyes met. He had a sparkle in his eyes, even though he was mad at me. I tried to keep my eyes on Kevin and Nia, but they were drawn to Nick. I pictured our wedding in my mind, even though it was likely it would never happen. I was a hopeless romantic at heart. Lately, I wanted nothing to do with romance. The breakup was hard on me. Deep down I was afraid to give Nick another try. I didn’t want to be wounded again by the man I cared so much about.

“Nia, you are my life, you are my everything. Love isn’t easy. It’s how you deal with the hard times. There will be many, but our love is strong enough to get through them. I promise to be there for you no matter what. We will always work out our problems and never go to bed mad. I love you more than any word. Our love is strong and gets stronger with time. Thank you for becoming my wife. I promise to do whatever it takes to be the best husband I can be. You will never go a day without my love. I love you Nia.” Kevin said as tears streamed down his face.

There wasn’t a dry eye in the church. Kevin’s words hit home with me. As I wiped my eyes, I glanced at Nick. His face was down and he was wiping away tears. Maybe he finally understood what I everyone was trying to tell him. I wouldn’t count on it, but I prayed to God that he would.

Kevin slowly put the ring on Nia’s finger. She has just as many tears running down her cheeks as Kevin did.

“I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.” The minister smiled.

Kevin pulled Nia close to him and kissed her like they were never going to kiss again. They broke apart and walked up the aisle.

---------------------------------

“I need a few more pictures of the wedding party. I would like for each bridesmaid and groomsman to get a picture together.” The photographer said quickly as he snapped photos.

Nick and I hung back as everyone else got their pictures taken.

“You two let’s go.”

I slowly moved by Nick. He did not look very happy about the photo.

“Move closer.” We both scooted together.

“A little bit more. Don’t be afraid of her. She won’t bite.” He told Nick.

Nick rolled his eyes and shifted closer to me.

“That’s it. Now, Nickolas put your arm around her waist.” He waited for Nick to follow his directions. “That’s it. You two look beautiful.”

He began snapping pictures of us. The photographer didn’t seem to want to stop.

“Are we finished yet?” I asked politely.

“Oh, yes. You two make the perfect pair. I would love to do some shots of the both of you for my studio. There’s chemistry between the two of you. It’s absolutely beautiful.”

“Umm…thanks.” Nick said. He grabbed my and pulled us out of the room.

“What took you so long?” Brian asked.

“The photographer was having fun taking our pictures.”

“He thinks we should model for him.” I giggled.

“Why is that?” Alex asked looking at us over his sunglasses.

“Said we have chemistry.” I whispered while looking at the ground.

“Ooh lala.” Brian joked.

“Anyway. Where are Kevy and Nia?” I looked around for them.

“They are still getting their picture taken. Kev said to head to the reception. The limo is waiting out front.”

We all followed Brian to the limo. I ended up sitting next to Nick and Alex. Alex made eyes at me and Nick. I tried to ignore it, but I just kept laughing. Nick glared at AJ.

“What’s wrong Nick?” I spoke softly.

“J is getting on my nerves. I wished he would leave our relationship alone.”

“Nick, we don’t have a relationship. For tonight let’s forget anything that has happened. Let’s just enjoy ourselves. I want to have fun.”

“Sure Ashton. I want to talk about us. It can wait until after the wedding. Let’s have a good time.”

I smiled at him. My two older brothers stared at me. They knew something was up.

“So Nick, how’s life treating you?” Jerald asked.

“Okay.”

“That’s good Nick. Tim and I will be here for the next few days. I think we need to have a talk with you.”  Jerald whispered in his ear. “We’ll meet with you tomorrow at noon.”

Nick nodded his head.

As I walked into the reception hall, I saw a lot of my family. My mom was sitting with my Aunt Jackie and Uncle Harold. I walked over to them.

“Ashton you look gorgeous.” My Aunt Jackie gushed. “I saw Nick. He’s very handsome. He was stared at you the whole time.”

“Thanks Aunt Jackie. Nick and I are complicated.”

“You will work it out. Brian said you were meant to be together.”

I just smiled. I didn’t want to discuss my relationship on Kevin’s day.

“Hi Uncle Harold. Mom you look beautiful.” I changed the subject.

Brian walked over and started talking to his parents. I looked around the room. Nick was talking with Alex, Sage, and Howie. Jerald and Tim were staring down Nick. I quickly headed over to my brothers.

“What is wrong with you two? This is a wedding and you look ready to kick Nick’s butt.”

“We aren’t going to hurt the precious blonde wonder. We just don’t like the way he’s treating our baby sister.” Jerald smiled at me.

“I’m old enough to take of myself.”

“You’ll always be our baby sister. I’m trying to keep Jer calm. He really wants to rip into Nicky. We are going to have a man to man talk with him tomorrow.” I rolled my eyes at my older, but so wise brothers.

“You both are too much. Tim, you should know better. You’re going to be a minister. Jerald, I have nothing to say to you. I wish you would leave my personal life alone. I don’t have talks with your girlfriends.”

“Any guy that hurts our sister has to deal with us.”

“I don’t think that’s necessary. Nick and I will handle our relationship on our own. It’s really none of your business.”

“For someone that is broken up with her boyfriend, you sure are defending him.” Jerald commented.

I decided to bite my tongue before I said something I would regret. I waved goodbye as I walked away.

-------------------------------------

Dinner came and went quickly. There was a lot of kissing from the bride and groom. The food was delicious and everyone was enjoying themselves.

“Ladies and gentleman, it’s now time for the bride and groom’s dance.” The deejay called them out to the dance floor.

Kevin and Nia stepped on the dance floor. They were smiling and happy.

Nick walked up behind me and tapped me on the shoulder.

“Would you care to dance?” He whispered.

“Ummm…sure….umm…I’d love to.”

We walked to the dance floor. Nick slowly pulled me close to him. I smelled his cologne. Oh, how good it felt to be in his arms. We swayed to the music not saying a word. My mind was a million miles away.

“Ashy. This feels good.”

“It does Nick. I’ve missed being in your arms.”

“I miss holding you in my arms.” He pulled me closer. Our bodies were merely an inch apart. I could feel his breath on my neck.

“I think this wedding is bringing out the romance in everyone. Even Howie’s found a girl.”

“Yes, love is in the air. Would you meet me for dinner tomorrow at my house? I want to talk about us.”

“Nick, I need to think about it. I’m not sure if I’m ready to go there.” I pulled myself away from Nick. I quickly left the room.

As I walked around the hotel, I spotted the bathroom. Needing to clear my head, I went inside. The quiet didn’t make me feel any better. In fact, my heart was pounding and my head was full of thoughts of Nick.

I loved him. I loved him with all my heart. I didn’t see my life without him in it. He was my soul mate. I knew there was no other man for me. I didn’t know why I was being so stubborn. The only thing I was doing was wasting time. I need to decide what I needed to do.

When I came out of the bathroom, Nick was standing there. He took hold of my waist and pulled me against him. Our lips met. There was heat and desire in our kiss. The passion had not disappeared. Nick pushed me to the wall. His tongue entered my mouth. Nick’s hands moved under my dress. His touch was setting me on fire. My hands moved to his hair and my leg went around his waist. I knew that we weren’t being appropriate, but I didn’t care. All I wanted and needed was his touch. It had been ages since I felt his body that close to mine. His lips kissed up my jaw and stopped at my ear. He moved down to my neck.

“Ahhmm…cough…cough…excuse me.”

Nick and I stopped what we were doing. Jerald stood there looking half amused and half pissed off.

“What’s going on here?” He asked casually.

“Umm…nothing.” I smiled at him.

“Really?” Jerald raised an eyebrow.

“Leave me alone.” I noticed Nick was just standing there, glaring at my brother.

“We’ll talk about this in the morning. I would be careful about fooling around in a public place. You don’t know who is watching. Nick, I’ll see you at noon.” Jerald walked away.

“Holy shit. He’s gonna kill me.”

“Sucks to be you.” I smirked at him.

“That’s not funny.” He shrieked.

“I think it is. I’ll meet you for dinner to talk. That is all that is going to happen. We better head back.”

“I think we’ll be doing more than just talking.” He pulled me in for another kiss. His hands played with my curls. After a few minutes, I pulled away.

I waved to him as I walked back into the ballroom. Nick stood against the wall grinning. He oozed charm and confidence. He thought he knew what the end results were going to be tomorrow but he forgot that I was in control. I couldn’t wait for tomorrow.

Nick slowly walked into McDonald’s. He was meeting up with Jerald and Tim Richardson. When he entered, he saw them sitting at a back table. He leisurely walked over and sat down.

“Well hello there Nickolas. Glad you could make it.” Jerald grinned at him.

“Anytime Jerald. Hi Tim.” Tim nodded his head.

“So tell us what’s going on with you and my sister. I heard you’ve been having problems for the last few months.”

“I’m not one to kiss and tell. Our relationship is between us.” Nick answered.

“That’s not how I see it. You’ve hurt my sister one to many times. I think we need to make some things clear.” Jerald whispered, sitting up straight in the booth. Nick stared at him.

“Since you’re my elder, I’ll listen to you. My relationship with your sister is between the two of us. Do I make that clear?” Nick responded back.

“Yes. My sister means the world to me. She thinks you hung the moon and the stars. I don’t know you that well, but Kevin and Brian think you’re an okay guy. I trust their opinion. You need to treat Ashton like a princess. I don’t want to hear about your breaking her heart. If you do, I will kick your scrawny ass.”

“Okay. Just please stop acting like Ashton is perfect. We both made mistakes. This relationship stuff is new to both of us. I wish all you Richardson’s would let us learn from our mistakes. You are always butting in where you don’t belong.” Nick said through gritted teeth.

Jerald was getting a little agitated with Nick’s attitude. He didn’t expect the young man to talk back. Tim sat quietly taking the conversation in.

“With that outlook, you’re not looking to good in my eyes. We care about our sister. We don’t want to see her get hurt. For some reason she loves you. You need to man up. I don’t ever want to have another talk with you about my sister. I know you love her.”

“I love her a lot. I know you mean well, but this is all new to us. She’s the one that broke up with me. Ashton hurt me. I’m not saying it’s her fault because it isn’t. We both were stupid. I want to work things out with her. It’s a lot easier without you putting your two cents in.”

“Well, I wish you the best. Don’t hurt her, or I’ll hurt you. Let’s go Tim.” Jerald got out of the booth.

“I’ll be there in a minute.”

“Are you going to interrogate me now?” Nick said defensively.

“Nah. I don’t interrogate people. I’m the peaceful Richardson. Kevin and Jer mean well. They just go about it the wrong way. Most of the Richardson’s have a temper. I agree that you and Ashton have to work it out. Ashton had a lot of issues with people she cared about it in the past. She took it hard when our dad died. You helped bring her out of that shell. I think you are great together. Kevin has a lot of great things to say about your relationship. Ashy can be a toughie sometimes. Her emotions get the best of her. You’ve helped make her world happier.”

“Tim, I’m grateful to have someone on our side. Thank you for believing in us.”

“Nick, there are more people on your side than you think. I want to be the minister at your wedding. Just don’t get married for a long time. Everything will work out. If you need someone to talk to about anything, give me a call. ” Tim shook Nick’s hand and left.

-------------------------

I was enjoying a day of pampering. I gave myself a manicure and pedicure. Now I was soaking in an apple scented bubble bath.

My thoughts were on the dinner with Nick. He finally wanted to work on our relationship. I was going to listen to what he had to say, but I wasn’t sure if I was ready to jump back into a relationship with Nick. I cared about him, but he waited so long to try to work things out. My trust in him was lacking. I had to be honest with myself. I needed to be in control of my relationship with Nick.

I looked at the clock. I had to be at Nick’s place in a few hours. I quickly got out of the tub. After I dried off, I went to my closet to find something to wear. What was I going to wear? I didn’t want to get dressed up, but I didn’t want to look awful. I scanned my clothing. I settled for a yellow sundress. I quickly got dressed.

I started drying my hair. Then I put on some makeup. I was looking for a pair of sandals when the phone rang.

“Hello Richardson residence. Ashton speaking.”

“Hey Ash.”

“Hi Bri. What’s up?” I found my white sandals and put them on.

“Not much. Just seeing if you wanted to hang out.”

“I can’t. I’m meeting Nick for dinner.”

“Ooh. Are you back together?”

“No. He finally wants to talk. I’m going to hear what he has to say.” I stated as I rushed around Kevin’s house looking for my keys.

“You don’t sound so enthused.”

“Brian, we’ve been apart since January. He waits until May to work things out. It’s kind of hard to listen to him after all this time.”

“Nick is slow. It takes his brain time to figure things out. Just listen to what he has to say.”

“I will Brian. I’ve got to go or I’ll be late.”

“Love ya, Ashy. Bye.”

“Bye.” I hung up the phone. I still couldn’t find my keys. I continued to search the house.

I wish that everyone would stop telling me how to feel about Nick. I would handle the situation in my own way.

I found my keys and headed out the door.

Standing on Nick’s porch, I was uncomfortably nervous. In all the time I had known Nick, I never felt that way. My heart was racing and my knees were shaking as I knocked on the door.

“Hello Ashton. Come in.” Nick held the door open from me.

I slowly walked in and followed him into the living room. I didn’t know what to expect from him.

“Dinner should be ready in about twenty minutes. Do you want something to drink?” He asked politely.

“No thanks.” I sat down. It was very awkward.

“Do you want to talk now or later?”

“Let’s get it over with.” I shifted uncomfortably.

“I’ll go first. I want you to listen. I mean really listen to what I have to say.”

“Go ahead.” He was already beginning to annoy me.

“First off, I apologize for being a jerk. I was having difficulty with leaving you. I didn’t think about how you were feeling. Second, I should have worked things out. Once again, I was stupid. My ego got in the way.”

“Nick, I accept your apology.”

He gave me a look. Then he sat beside me.

“I thought I told you not to talk.”

“Sorry.”

“Moving on. For this relationship to work, you can’t runaway every time it gets tough.  Deal with me, but don’t you ever break up with me.” He said seriously. This was a different side of Nick. I wasn’t sure I liked it.

The next thing I knew Nick’s lips were on mine. I couldn’t go there. Not yet. My body was feeling something different than my brain. I started kissing him back. I slid my tongue in his mouth. He broke the kiss.

“We’re not going there yet. I’m not finished. I realize that we moved faster than we should have when it came to sex. It was to the point that it was the only thing we did. As much as I like making love to you, I want our relationship to be something more than a roll in the hay.”

“Umm…Nick we’ve never done it in the hay, but if you want to I know a barn in Kentucky.” I joked.

“I’m not joking Ashton. I’m taking this relationship seriously. I love you and only you. I don’t want to be with any other woman. We will never break up again. Someday we’re going to get married and have a bunch of kids. We are going to communicate about everything.”

When did Nick become a take charge kind of guy? Where was the Nick I knew and loved? This guy seemed to be bossy and controlling. He didn’t want me to have any say in the relationship.

“Right now you sound kind of domineering. You’re just telling me what’s going to happen. Don’t I get a say in the relationship?” I moved away from him.

“Yes, you have a say. There are just some things I’m putting my foot down about. You may not like it, but there’s the door.”

“You’re such a jerk. Maybe I don’t want to play by your rules. I think we should play by our rules.” I complained.

“Fine. If that’s the way you want it. Let’s make rules for our relationship. Let me get our dinner.”  Nick went into the kitchen.

I sat on the couch. I didn’t know if I was angry or dumbfounded by this situation. This is not what I thought was going to happen. I thought Nick would seduce me and get me into his bed. This was going to be a night of surprises.

Nick came out of the kitchen with a homemade pizza and some sodas. He set them on the table. Then he went over to the bookshelf and grabbed a notepad and pencil.

“I’m going to write down the rules of our relationship. That way we both have a written copy.”

“Are you for real?” I asked incredulously. Nick was being more and more ridiculous.

“Yes. I want to make this work. At this point I’m not sure I can be the best boyfriend unless I know what’s expected of me.” He smiled at me.

“Fine. I get it. I still think you’re weird.”

“I think we should have a weekly date night with exceptions when I’m working in another place.”

“That sounds fair. I think we should make it a priority to talk about the things that bother us. Even the little things, so they don’t turn into big things.”

“I like that. I think that we shouldn’t have sex for six months.” Nick said stoically. I choked on my soda.

“Isn’t that a bit much? We haven’t had sex for over three months. You want to wait six more months.” I yelled.

“Is it getting to you? Yes, I want to make love to you, but I want to strengthen our relationship. Sex was just getting in the way. It was the only thing we thought was important.”

“I guess we kind of focused on sex. Can we make it one month without sex?”

“How about three months?”

I sighed. I don’ think there was any way I was going to win.

“How about two months?”

“Fine. Everyone thought I was the horny teenager. Kevin got it all wrong.” He laughed. I threw my napkin at him.

“Can we at least make out?”

“Sure. I’m not joining the priesthood. I want you more than you know. Is there anything else?”

“I’m not sure. I think we can add to the list as things come up.”

“Good. I’ve missed you so much.”

“Nick, I missed you. It hurt when you didn’t want to talk about our relationship. I felt unimportant.”

“I was an idiot. All the guys kept telling me to talk to you and fix things. I was stubborn. From now on I’m going to talk to you about everything.”

“Sometimes we are going to say things we might not like, but we need to be honest with each other. It’s not going to work if we don’t communicate.”

“I agree. Now kiss me.”

My lips met his. I was in heaven. I missed being close to him. Things were going to work out. Maybe it was a good thing we were taking things slowly.

Nick and I were slowly rebuilding our relationship. We spent lots of time just hanging out and reacquainting ourselves. Tonight we were going on our date night. Nick had it all planned out.

“So what are you two lovebirds doing tonight?”

“I think we are going to the movies and out for pizza.” I sighed. I placed my magazine on the table.

“What’s wrong with that?” Alex asked concerned.

“Nothing.” I took a sip of my drink.

“Doesn’t sound like it.”

“I’m just frustrated. Nick is making us wait two months to have sex.” I said as Alex took a drink.

He spit his water at me and started to cough. I wiped my face off with my t-shirt.

“Are you for real?”

“Yes and it totally sucks. We’ve gone like forever without sex and he wants to wait. First he said six months, but I talked him down to two.” I complained.

“That sucks.” He laughed. I threw a pillow on him.

“It’s not funny.”

“Oh it is. I can’t wait to make fun of him.”

“Don’t you dare say a word? He’ll kill me.”

“I’m not afraid of Nicky. He’s just a dorky teenager.”

“Be nice to my boyfriend. I love him even if he’s a little weird.”

“You two have the weirdest relationship, but somehow it works.” I smiled.

“It does. When are you going to find a woman?” I placed my feet in his lap. He started to rub them.

“I’m too young to settle down. I can’t wait two months to have sex.” He said seriously.

“Go to hell.” I kicked him.

---------------------------

“So, what did you do all day?”

“Alex came over. We went shopping and hung out at Kevin’s.”

“Sounds like fun.”

The lights dimmed in the movie theater. As the previews rolled by Nick took my hand and squeezed it gently. Our hands intertwined together. My eyes were on the movie, but my mind was focus on Nick. I wanted to feel his touch.

“Nick, kiss me.” I whispered.

He gently put his lips on mine. After a few minutes we were in a full blown make out session. I decided it was time to move to second base. My hand moved down to Nick’s pants. I could feel his erection. He jumped at my touch. Then he moved my hand.

“Ashy babe, we can’t do this here.” His voice was muffled.

“Let’s go back to your house.” I suggested with a giggle.

“Mmm, that’s tempting, but we are not sleeping together. We still have fifty two days left.”

“You can’t be serious.”

“I am. Now can we please watch the movie?” I nodded my head.

My interest in the movie was gone. I think this was the worst date I had been on with Nick. He was acting prudish. What seventeen year old guy acted this way?

I slowly placed my hand on Nick’s thigh. He looked at me and the continued to watch the movie. I slowly moved my hand up his thigh. He moved my hand and moved over to the next seat.

This was ridiculous. Now I couldn’t even touch him. I was getting aggravated by his attitude. I stood up and pushed my way past him.

I stood outside the movie theater. The warm air blew around me. It could have been snowing in Orlando and I wouldn’t have noticed.

Our relationship wasn’t going as planned. Nick was okay with me as long as I didn’t act intimate with him. We could talk, hang out, and give little pecks on the lips. Anything else was turned down. I wish we could find a happy medium. I don’t think I was going to last two months.

I don’t know how long I was standing there before he came out. I was lost in my thoughts.

“Hey Ashy.”

“Did you enjoy the movie?” I asked coldly.

“Yeah. Why did you leave?”

“Why do you think?”

“Come on, you agreed to wait.” We started walking to his car.

“I didn’t have a choice. You wouldn’t budge. I think that whole thing is stupid.”

“Ashton, I’m sorry. I’m not going to budge. We need to start fresh. That means we are taking it slow. Dating first, being intimate later.”

He opened the car door, and I slid in.

“I want to be intimate with you. It just that I want to strengthen our relationship. It has to be about more than sex.”

“Fine Nick. Please don’t back away from me every time I try to show affection. I can wait to make love to you, even though it’s hard. I still want to kiss you and have you kiss me like I mean something to you.”

“You mean the world to me. I’m not trying to back away from you. You’re tempting. I’m afraid I won’t be able to keep my hands off you.”

He grabbed my face and pulled it close to him. His lips attacked mine in a hard desperate kiss. My hands were in his hair. Nick slipped his tongue in my mouth. It felt so good to be here with Nick. I felt more complete than I had in a long time. A few moments later, Nick sat back.

“Was that better?” He smirked.

“Much better. I love you Nick.”

“I love you Ashton Jeannette Richardson. You mean the world to me.”

“You are too sweet, Nickers.”

“Don’t call me Nickers. Let’s go eat. I’m hungry.”

“Okay, Nickers.” I giggled.

He tickled my side. I continued to laugh.

AJ was sitting on the floor in the dance studio. The guys were on lunch break. They were waiting for Kevin to come back with lunch.

“AJ lunch is here.” Nick popped his head in as he walked to the break room.

Alex got up and followed him. The other guys were filling up their plates with pizza.

“So, I heard you and Ashton are back together.” Kevin sat down next to Nick.

“Yeah. We’ve talked things over. We are taking things slow.” He took a bite of his pizza.

“That is good. I think it will make your relationship stronger.”

“How’s your sex life? I’m sure you’ve made up for lost time.” AJ snickered.

Nick gave AJ a dirty look and placed his pizza on the plate. Kevin stared at him.

“That isn’t any of your business. I don’t kiss and tell.” He was embarrassed. It was nobody’s business what he and Ashton did in the bedroom.

“Aww...poor little Nicky ain’t getting any for about fifty more days. He is going to be one horny young man.”

“How in the hell do you know about that? Shit, she told you. I’m gonna kill you.” Nick stood up.

AJ quickly ran out of the room and down the hall to the dance studio. Nick followed him. When he got into the room he grabbed AJ and punched him in the gut. AJ stood there stunned for a few minutes. Then he socked Nick in the arm. Nick grabbed AJ, pushed him to the ground and threw punches at him. Both guys were rolling around on the floor.  Obscenities were being yelled by both guys.

“STOP IT!!!” Kevin’s voice boomed.

They continued to heave punches at each other. Brian and Howie walked in.  They stared in astonishment. Neither one had seen either guy fight.

 Kevin pulled Nick off of AJ. Nick stood there looking like he wanted to kill AJ. AJ got up and wiped the blood off his face. He glared at Nick.

“You’re such an asshole. That was none of your business. You should have kept your effin’ mouth shut. I hate that Ashton’s friends with you. Go to hell.” Nick hurried out of the room.

“What the hell J?” Kevin shook his head.

“I’m the one who got beat up, and you’re yelling at me. Just because he’s dating your sister, doesn’t mean his shit don’t stink. I’m going home. Tell Lou I’m sick.”

“Wait.” Howie called out.

“What’s going on?”

“I don’t know Bri. AJ said something about fifty more days, and Nick went ballistic. Can you two go tell Lou that J left? I’m going to go talk to Nick.”

-------------------------

Kevin looked all around for Nick. He was nowhere to be found. He finally looked outside and saw him sitting by a tree. Slowly he walked over to Nick.

“Can I sit down?”

“If you want, but I’m not talking.”

Kevin sat down next to Nick. They sat in silence for about ten minutes. Kevin could hear Nick sniffling.

“AJ can be a jackass. I could see why you would want to beat the shit out him. The thought has crossed my mind at least a million times.”

Nick started laughing.

“See it’s not that bad.”

“I guess. He just really pissed me off. I’m trying to be mature and responsible in my relationship with Ashton. AJ making fun it was the last straw.”

“I know it’s hard, but you can talk to me. I’ve been hard on the two of you, but I think you make a great couple.”

“Ashton and I decided to work things out. After thinking about our past situation I…kinda….realized that the focus was mainly sex. Please don’t say I told you so.”

“Nick, I wouldn’t. I’m glad you realized what you needed to work on in your relationship. That shows maturity.”

“So, I told Ash that I wanted to wait to have sex. We need to get to know each other. We decided to wait two months.”

“So that’s why AJ mentioned you waiting fifty days.” Kevin said putting all the pieces together.

“Yeah. That’s what pissed me off. She had no right to tell him. That was between us, and she’s sharing it with him. She knows he can’t keep a secret.” He sighed.

“That sucks. I know where you’re coming from. Your relationship is personal. There are some things you don’t want public knowledge. I get that. I really don’t want to hear about your sex life.”

“Wow. You aren’t taking Ashton’s side?” Nick asked quietly.

“I’m not on anyone’s side. I would be hurt if Nia shared something about us and someone made fun of me about it. I think you need to talk to Ashton.”

“I know, but right now I am mad. I don’t want to fight about it.”

“I’m liking this new Nick. You are growing up.” Kevin teased as he pinched Nick’s cheek.

“Get the hell off me. I’ll punch you like I did J.”

“I’m not afraid of you little man. Let me give you something to think about. Besides you, Ashton only has two close friends. One is Sage, who is away on vacation. AJ is the only other friend she hangs out with. She was probably feeling a little frustrated and talked to him about it. I don’t think she thought he would tell anyone. Listen to what she has to say before you let it get out of control.”

“I’ll think about it. Kevin thanks for not flipping out about our sex life.”

“No problem. Nia had a talk with me about it. She made me realize a few things.”

“What things?” Nick snickered.

“I realize you two are going to have sex regardless of what I say. I am going to trust you both. As long as you are careful, I have to trust you. Don’t hurt my sister and don’t make me an uncle until you get married. I just want you both to be happy.”

“Thanks man. Let’s go practice.”

Kevin and Nick quietly walked back into the building.

I was sitting by the pool talking to Nia. Kevin was practicing, so Nia and I were relaxing all day.

“Ashton.”

I turned my head and saw Nick standing by the sliding glass doors. I ran over to him.

“What are you doing here?” I gave him a hug.

“I came to see you. Can we talk in the living room?”

I was a little nervous. I wasn’t sure what he wanted to talk about. I followed him inside.

He sat on the couch. I sat next to him.

“Ummm…what did you…umm…tell AJ about our sex life?” Nick said nervously.

“I told him that I was frustrated because we weren’t going to have sex for two months.” I said quietly. I knew that Alex had to have said something.

“Why?”

“Nick, I have no one else to talk to. He’s my best friend. I was having a bad day. I need to talk to someone.” I defended myself.

“You could have talked to me. We need to communicate.” He looked me in the eyes.

“Fine let’s communicate. I know you tell Brian everything. It’s okay for you to do that, but I can’t tell my best friend anything.”

“It’s not like that. I tell Brian certain things, but not everything. You’re his cousin so I spare him a lot of personal details. Plus he doesn’t tell anyone. AJ is a fucking blabbermouth. You know that and yet you still tell him personal things.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t think he would say anything. Why is your eye black and blue?”

“I beat the crap out of AJ.” He stated matter of factly.

“What the hell Nick? What happened today?”

“Well your best friend had to make fun of me in front of everyone. It was a personal matter between us.” He pointed to me and him.

“So you beat the crap out of your friend.”

“I was pissed. It hurt. I didn’t like that fact that you told him.”

“Ah, so poor little Alex bruised your ego in front of the older guys. Nicky looks like a big loser. It was your stupid idea to wait to have sex, not mine.”

The conversation was getting heated. I needed to calm down.

“Look Nick, I’m sorry. I won’t talk to Alex again about our relationship. I don’t think he deserved to be beat up because you were angry.”

“Ashy, I love you. I don’t want to tell you who you can or can’t be friends with. I have no problem with you talking to AJ about things. Just be careful because he will tell things he’s not supposed to. I’d rather you tell Sage.”

“I would have told Sage, but she’s on vacation. I don’t think AJ is the issue. I want to make love to you.” I kissed him on the lips.

“I know Ashy. I want to make love to you, but we need to wait.”

“I’m so frustrated with this situation.” I stood up and started pacing.

“I’m sorry that I’m making things harder for you. I want us to grow as a couple. I don’t want to keep having this conversation. It isn’t going to change. We aren’t having sex for two months. Tomorrow we are going to go to dinner after rehearsal. We are going to spend the evening talking and learning as much about each other as possible.”

“You know Carter; your take charge attitude is such a turn on. It makes me want you even more.” I teased him. I walked over and sat on his lap.

“Oh, Lord. You are too much baby girl.” He laughed. I nipped his ear and started sucking on it.

“Mmm…Ashy stop before I can’t. I need to go apologize to AJ.”

“Thank you. I can’t have my boyfriend and best friend mad at each other.”

------------------------------------------

AJ answered the door. He looked pissed when he saw Nick.

“Can I come in?”

“As long as you don’t beat me up.” AJ said rudely.

“I’m here to apologize.”

They walked into the living room.

“Go ahead Nicky. I’m ready for my apology.”

“AJ you’re such a dick. Look, I’m sorry I beat the shit out of you. I was upset that you said that to me. I was embarrassed.”

“I was just teasing you.”

“I know, but you had to say it in front of the guys. I didn’t want Kevin to know about my sex life.”

“Give it up. You know Kevin would give you a slap on the back for not doing his sister. You’re like a saint to him.”

Nick gave him the middle finger.

“No thank you Nicky. I’m not Ashton’s replacement for the next fifty days.”

Both guys started to laugh.

“AJ, I’m sorry.”

“You’re forgiven. How the hell are you going to wait two months?” AJ asked in disbelief.

“It’s going to be hard. I’ve already taken many cold showers. I want her so bad, but I want to strengthen our relationship.”

“I think that’s a good idea, Frack.” Brian walked into the room.

“Brian shut up. You need laid, too.” AJ threw a pillow at him.

“J we’re not a freak like you.”

“Go to hell Brian. So, Nicky has she put the moves on you?”

“Yes. She’s a tease. Ashton’s worse than me.”

“You’re talking about my sweet and innocent younger cousin.”

“Brian, are you talking about the same Ashton we know and love.”

Brian looked alarmed.

“Not my cousin.” He laughed.

“Rok you live in a fantasy world. I love Ashton, but she’s definitely not innocent.”

“Nick I don’t want to know. You and J are corrupting her. She was sweet and innocent until she met the likes of you.”

Pillows started being thrown in Brian’s directions.

“Ashton is the greatest person I know.”

“I agree with you Frack.”

“I agree, too. She has a great cousin that made her that way.” Brian joked.

“You wish. It’s because of her great boyfriend.”

“Nah it’s because of her great best friend.”

The guys all chuckled. They settled down and started playing video games. It was going to be a night of male bonding.

 I opened the door and let Nick in. He had the cheesiest grin, I had ever seen on his face. He had something hidden behind his back.

“What’s behind your back, Nicky?”

“Nothing.” He looked around the room, trying to ignore me.

“Nicky, please show me.” I begged.

“If you stop calling me Nicky, I’ll give you the gift I got you.”

“Okay, Nicky.” I grinned at him.

“Ugg….it’s a good thing I love you.”

He took an adorable light brown teddy bear from behind his back.

“Aww…it’s so cute. Why do I deserve a teddy bear?”

“So that when I’m away you have something to hug at night.”

“Oh Nick. That’s so sweet.” Tears fell from my eyes.

“Ashy, please don’t cry.” He looked embarrassed.

“But it’s so sweet. Let me put it on my bed. Then we can leave.”

I quickly took the bear to my room. I looked at the mascara running down my face. I quickly wiped off my face and reapplied my mascara. Then I went back downstairs.

“You ready?”

“Yeah let’s go.”

We got into the car. After driving for a few minutes, Nick pulled into the McDonald’s drive through.

“What do you want?”

“Umm…a McChicken meal.”

Nick placed our order. He pulled up to the window and paid for our meals.

“Where are we going?”

“You’ll see.” He pulled out and headed out toward the park.

Five minutes later he stopped near a little pond. We got out and walked over to the pond. Nick placed a blanket on the ground. We both sat down.

“Tonight is all about us learning more about each other.” He handed me my food.

“This is going to be interesting.”

“So, who is your favorite brother?”

“Oh my, that is so hard. I like my brothers for different reasons. Jerald is a lot of fun. He would always get us into trouble. We would go shopping and he would run around the store with me in the buggy. My mom would always yell at him because she thought he would knock someone over. Tim is a sweetheart. He so much calmer than my other brothers. Kevin is the one I’m closest to. I know that he has my back. I know if I have a problem, Kevin’s there for me.”

“Jerald tried to scare the crap out of me after Kevin’s wedding.”

“He’s a teddy bear. Jer’s just a little overprotective. If you weren’t a Backstreet Boy what would you want to do?”

“I think I would be an actor. Did you know I was in Edwards Scissorhands?”

“I didn’t know that. What character were you?”

“I wasn’t a main character. I was the kid on the slip-n-slide.”

“I’m going to have to watch it when I get home.” He laughed.

“What is one thing you would like to learn how to do?”

I thought about it for a moment. There were so many things I would like to learn to do. I learned against Nick.

“I want to learn to ballroom dance. Someday would you take lessons with me?”

“Of course.”

We both sat there quietly. I was lost in my thoughts. I was daydreaming about Nick and me waltzing. I had a romantic vision of us dancing. Nick wearing a tuxedo, and I was wearing a green chiffon and organza dress.

“Nick, do you see us being together for a long time?”

“I don’t see myself with any other woman. You are the only one I want to be with in every way. I can see us on the beach with your brother marrying us. Then we go to Hawaii for our honeymoon. I see us having lots of babies.”

“Oh my. I never thought I would hear those words from a guy. I mean we are both still teenagers. Most guys are thinking about sex and you are ready for us to get married.” I couldn’t believe how serious he was.

“I might just be some stupid seventeen year old, but I know you are the one I’m meant to be with. I don’t want to be with anyone else.”

“But what if you meet someone in the future?”

“Look at me Ashy; you are the only one for me.” He cupped my chin and slowly licked his lips. He gently placed his lips on mine. My heart melted with this kiss. We were soul mates brought together by fate. After all we kept getting back together after all our breakups. I felt giddy with love.

“Nick, I love you so much. I can’t even describe it. I’m euphoric.” I giggled.

“You’re what?”

“Euphoric. It means excited or joyful.”

“You sound like a walking talking dictionary.” He teased. I swatted him with my hand.

“Dork. So you plan on us having a lot of kids. How many is a lot?”

“Well, since I love making love to you, I think maybe twenty or thirty.” He said with a serious look on his face.

“Are you crazy? You better start having some of these babies.” I threw a left over French fry at him. He burst into laughter. “I hate you Nickolas Gene Carter.”

“Baby girl, I’m just kidding. I think I would like to have at least five or six kids.”

“That I could handle. What would you like all your cherubs to be named?”

“There would be Nicky, Jr. of course. I like the name Sarah, Katie, Max, Cody, and America.”

“America? What kind of name is that?”

“Well can you do any better?” He stuck his tongue out at me.

“Of course I can. First off there will be no Nicky, Jr. One of you is enough. I couldn’t handle two Nicks. I like Sarah, and Cody. I like the names Meredith, Colleen or Rachel.”

“Enough about the children we will have in a decade. Let’s make out.”

I scooted closer to Nick. His lips were on my neck. It felt so good to have his lips on my skin. I missed this. My hands moved to his hair. Within minutes our lips were touching. I was so in love with Nick.

It was twenty-one and under night at Club Zuma. Nick, Alex, Sage, Brian and his new girlfriend Cassidy decided to go dancing.

Alex and Sage were already on the dance floor. The rest of us were chilling at a table.

“So how long have Sage and AJ been dating?” Cassidy asked.

“They aren’t a couple.”

“Really! With the way they are dancing, you could have fooled me.”

“She's happily in love with her boyfriend. He’s over the age limit.” I told Cassidy. She seemed nice.

“Ashy, you want to go dance?” I grabbed his hand and pulled him to the dance floor. Nick was not one for dancing, so I was excited that he asked.

Some fast song was on. I really wasn’t paying attention to it. I was enjoying dancing with my man. Our bodies moved closer to each other. Our hips moved in time with the music. Nick pulled my closer. His leg was between mine. Our bodies melted into each other. I forgot about everyone else and concentrated on Nick. I felt the electricity between us. Nick placed his hands on my ass. Mine moved to his chest.

Alex and Sage stopped dancing and were watching us.

“It’s like they are having sex with their clothes on.” Sage commented.

“That’s what happens when you have to wait forty more days to have sex.” Alex laughed.

“If this is any indication of what’s going to happen. I don’t think they are going to wait that long.”

“It’s Nick who’s holding out. With the look on his face I don’t think he’s going to wait.”

“I don’t think I can watch those two anymore.”

Nick’s mouth crushed mine. He was like a wild animal. I wanted him now. I needed him now. He tongue parted my lips and assaulted my mouth. I quickly broke away from his kiss.

“Nick, can we go to your place?” I asked breathlessly.

“I want to, but we can’t.” He tried to gain composure.

“OH MY WORD! Are you serious?”

“Ashton, when I said sixty days, I meant sixty days. I want you right now, but I’m going to wait.”

“I can’t take it anymore. You can’t do that to me in public and not expect me to want to make love to you. You’re just teasing me and that’s not very nice.” I spun around and walked over to the table.

“Is there trouble in paradise?” Alex asked.

“Go to hell. Sage and Cassidy walk to the ladies room with me.”

The girls got up and followed me to the bathroom.

--------------------------------

(In the bathroom)

“I’m going to kill him.” I was frustrated.

“He was taunting you out there. He knows you guys can’t have sex and yet he was dry humping you out there. You certainly gave everyone a good show.”

“Why can’t you guys have sex? Are you saving yourselves for marriage?” Cassidy asked.

“Hardly.” Sage snorted.

“When we got back together; Nick decided that we should wait a few months to have sex. We have forty more days. He’s trying to kill me.”

“Oh.”

“Oh is right.”

----------------------------------

“She’s pissed at you.” Alex laughed.

“Fuck off, ass. I don’t want to hear it from you.”

“Ashton has good reason to be mad at you.” Brian said seriously.

“All I was doing was dancing with her. She likes to dance. I was trying to make her happy.” He sat down.

“Dancing is one thing. What you were doing was practically x-rated.”

“It was not.”

“Umm Frack, you both were taking it pretty far. I’ve never seen you dance like that.”

“Whatever. I can’t win with her when it comes to romance. I wish I never said to wait.”

“Well you have two choices. One is you wait the forty more day. The second choice is to take her to your house and make love to her.” AJ sipped his coke.

“Personally I think the first choice is better. Think about how that will strengthen your relationship. You both will be happier in the long run.”

“This coming from the guy who hasn’t gotten any in a while.”

“Bone, that is not true. Leave my life out of this.” Brian gave Alex a pointed look.

“Brian, you holding out on us. Give us the details.”  Nick joked.

“I don’t kiss and tell.”

“Please, I’m not getting any action. I have to live through you.”

“It’s your own fault you’re not getting any action. The girls are coming back.” Brian gave a cheeky smile.

“Ashton can we go outside and talk.” Nick said as I approached him. I nodded my head and followed him outside.

We both stood there quietly. I didn’t have anything to say to him. I was ticked at Nick. I was not making the first move.

“Are you mad at me?”

“What do you think?” I turned my face away from him.

“Baby girl.”

“Don’t baby girl me. What you did in there was wrong.”

“I’m sorry. I was trying to make you happy in there by dancing with you. I don’t even like to dance.” He said softly.

“Dancing is one thing. What you did was another. You got me all hot and bothered knowing that nothing was going to happen. You played unfair.”

“I didn’t even realize I had taken it that far. Ashton, I want to make love to you so bad. Do you know how many cold showers I take each day?”

“Not really, and I don’t care.” I looked at him and start to laugh.

“Baby girl, I think about how in forty days I will get to make love to my soul mate. Just think how spectacular it’s going to be. We’ve built up our sexual tension for sixty days. We are going to ravish each other.”

“Nick, you need to take me home.” I said in total seriousness.

“Why is that?”

“I need a cold shower. You got me on fire.”

Nick pushed me up against the wall and started kissing up my neck. After a few kisses he reached my lips. My hands moved to his hair. I didn’t even care if anyone was watching.

“Get the hose. This fire needs put out.” Sage remarked as she stopped beside us. We broke apart.

“We’re leaving to grab a bite to eat. You coming with us.”

“Sure.” I smiled at her.

“But I already have something I want to bite.” I smacked Nick in the chest.

“Men, they only think with one thing.” Sage replied as we walked to our cars.

Nick was sitting in the dance studio with AJ. The rest of the guys were running late. It seemed to be a regular occurrence with the members of the Backstreet Boys.

“So how many more days do you have to wait?” AJ smirked.

“Twenty five too many. I want her so bad. I can hardly take it. I’m tired of taking cold showers.” He complained.

“Why did you torture yourself with this?”

“I wanted us to reestablish our relationship. I thought we needed to take time to learn more about each other. It’s working out well. I feel like I know Ashton better than I did before. I’m always learning something new.”

“That’s so sweet Nicky.” AJ pretended to wipe fake tears from his eyes.

“Shut up man. You’re just jealous. You need to find a woman.”

“Who says I don’t have one?”

“Tell me.”

“Fine. I’m talking to this girl named Arizona.”

“Where did you meet her?” Nick asked curiously.

“At the drugstore.”

“How romantic.”

“Anyways, we are just hanging out.”

“How soon until you get in her pants?”

“You dirty boy you. I’m not going to kiss and tell.” He said seriously.

“Yeah right. As soon as you sleep with her everyone will know.” Nick laughed.

“Whatever, man. I don’t tell you every time I have sex.”

The other guys walked in. It was time to rehearse.

--------------------

“Nick can you hand me my mascara?” I asked as I was putting on my shoes.

He brought me my mascara and sat on the bed next to me.

“Thanks.” I gave him a kiss on the cheek.

“How was work baby girl?”

“It was good. I love working at Disney.”

“It is the happiest place on earth.”

“No, where ever you are is the happiest place on earth.” I smiled at him.

“That’s sweet, but extremely cheesy.”

I pushed Nick off the bed. He grabbed my arm and pulled me with him. We both landed on the floor with a heavy thud. Nick started tickling my sides. I tried to squirm away from him, but he rolled us over so that I was underneath him. He continued to tickle me.

“Get…off….me.” I said through giggles. I attempted to wriggle free.

“Never.”

“Please…I hate…being…tickled.” I screamed louder.

“What will you pay me with?” He hovered closer to my mouth.

“Hmmm….I will give you one thousand kisses.”

I pressed my mouth to his. Nick’s hands moved to my breasts. We got lost in each other that we didn’t hear someone knocking on the door. A few moments later the door opened.

“Ashton you have a phone call.” Kevin said as he covered his eyes.

“Hey Kev.” Nick said as he got off of me.

“Hey Nick.”

“Who’s on the phone Kevy?”

“Mom.”

I ran downstairs, leaving Nick and Kevin alone in my room.

“How are things going with you and Ashton?”

“Things are great. I couldn’t be happier.” Nick smiled. He was truly happy with the relationship.

“That’s great. So everything is working out?”

“Kevin, relax. Everything is perfect. We are taking things slowly.”

“Yeah, I’m glad. Ashton seems impatient for those last twenty some days.”

“You mean she talked to you about it?” Nick groaned.

“No, but she confided in Nia. I think it’s good that you waited. I give you a lot of credit. I don’t think I could wait that long.”

Nick felt weird talking to Kevin about his sex life. I mean this was Kevin’s little sister he was dating.

“I have a question for you.”

“Okay.”

“When our sex ban is over, I want to do something special for Ashton. Do you have any ideas?”

“I can’t believe I’m going to help you with this. I realize that you two are meant to be, and I can’t stop you.  You make a good couple.”

“I appreciate it, Kev. I’m a dork when it comes to romance.”

“You’re just young. Ashton will love whatever you do. I would take her out on a romantic dinner. Then I would spend the night at hotel. Neither of you have done that, so it would be romantic. You could place rose petals all over the room.”

“Do you think she would like that?”

“All girls like that kind of stuff. If you want Nia and I could help you.”

“That would be awesome.”

“What would be awesome?” I walked into my bedroom, where Nick and Kevin were standing.

“Nothing.” Nick smiled at me.

“Okay, if you say so. Are you ready to go eat?”

“Yes. Kevin, would you and Nia like to go?”

“No thanks. Nia is working late.”

“Another time.” We all left the room. Nick and I headed to his car.

“What were you talking to Kevin about?”

“Band stuff. How’s your mom?”

“She’s fine. Stop changing the subject.”

“I answered your question. I just care about your mom.” He looked at me with his bright blue eyes.

“I know, but I can tell when you’re lying.” I grinned at him.

“Whatever Ashton. We were talking about band stuff. If I was keeping a secret from you, I wouldn’t tell you. Hence, it would be a secret.” He teased.

“Nick, you are almost as bad as Alex with secrets. I will find out.”

“Did you hear that AJ is talking to some girl?” He said as he continued to drive to the Appleby’s.

“Yes. Did he tell you how they met?”

“No.”

“It’s classic Alex. They met at the drugstore. They were both reaching for the same box of condoms.”

“How else would he meet a girl?” Nick laughed.

“I just hope he finds a nice girl. He deserves to be happy.”

“As long as we’re happy and in love, I don’t care about anyone else.”  My heart melted. Nick was such a sweetheart.

“That’s so sweet.” I gushed.

“Enough of me being a sap. You wanna go bowling after we eat?”

“I love you being a sap. It makes me love you more. Bowling sounds fun.”

“Please don’t tell anyone I’m a sap.”

“You’re secret is safe with me.” I grabbed his hand and squeezed it.

Nick walked into his parents’ house. He wanted to talk to dad about something. No one was in the living room. He walked into the kitchen.

“Nicky, what are you doing here?” His mom asked in surprise. Nick hadn’t been to over to visit in about four months.

“Hi mom. I need to talk to dad. Is he around?”

“Yeah, he’s outside.”

“Thanks.” Nick walked past his mom and went outside.

Nick saw his dad standing by the shed. He strolled down to where his father was looking through some tools.

“Hey dad.”

“Nick, it’s great to see you. You haven’t been around very much.” Bob looked at his son.

“I’ve been busy with practice. Ashton and I got back together.”

“That’s great. She seems like a nice girl. I look forward to meeting her someday.”

“Dad, I promise you will get to meet her soon. After the way mom treated her, I’ve been afraid to bring her back.”

“I know son. Your mom can be overbearing and rude. So, what brings you here?”

“I’m planning  a special romantic night for Ashton. I need to make some extra crash. I was wondering if I could do some work around the house for you?”

“What do you have in mind?” Bob asked his son. He could tell Nick was serious about working for money.

“I figured I could cut the grass and trim the bushes. I mean I would do anything you needed me to do.”

“Okay, I think we could work some things out. What are you planning on doing for Ashton?”

“Well, I was going to take her out to a fancy restaurant for dinner. Then I was going to surprise her with a romantic night at a hotel. I want to buy her a fancy dress for the evening.” Nick smiled at the thought.

“Wow! She must be one lucky girl. That sounds very romantic. When are you planning this for?”

“Umm…in about twenty three days.”

“You can come by tomorrow to cut the grass. How much money do you have saved up?”

“I have about one hundred fifty.”

“I will pay you twenty five dollars to cut the grass. If you want to trim the bushes I will give you fifty bucks. For two weeks that will give you a hundred fifty bucks. Will that help you out?”

“Dad that is more than generous. I really appreciate it.” Nick gave his dad a hug.

“You’re welcome Nick. I remember what it’s like to be in love. Those were the days.” Bob reminisced.

“It sucks that you and mom aren’t getting along.”

“I know Nick. Just remember how much you love Ashton. Don’t repeat our mistakes. Don’t tell your mom about me paying you. Let her think you are just here to help.”

“I will dad. Thanks for helping me out.”

--------------------------------

I was bored out of my mind. I finally had the day off. It was nice not having to sale Disney memorabilia for a day. I loved my job, but I wanted to chill out with my boyfriend. I decided to give him a call.

“Hello.”

“Hi Nicky. What are you doing?”

“I have to go help my dad today.”

“Oh. Are you going to be there the whole day?”

“Probably. He wants me to help him with yard work.” Nick answered apprehensively.

“Okay. When you are finished give me a call.”

“I will. Love ya.”

“Love ya, too.”

Nick clicked the phone off.

I flopped down on the couch and decided to flip through the television stations. Nothing was on. I almost wished I was working.

“Anyone home?” Brian’s voice sang.

“In the living room.”

Alex and Brian walked into the room. Alex sat on top of me.

“Get off me, dork.” I pushed him onto the floor.

“Why are you so grumpy?”

“I’m not grumpy.” I gave him a dirty look.

“Do you have PMS?”

“Yes, I have permanently moody syndrome every time you are around me Alex.” I yelled at him. He pouted and Brian started to laugh.

“Why aren’t you with Nick?”

“He’s helping his dad with yard work.”

“Aww that is so sweet of him.” Alex gave Brian a look.

“What’s going on?” I asked.

“Nothing. Just ignore J. He’s being weirder than normal.”

“It’s just that Nick has been helping his dad an awful lot lately.” Alex commented.

“What is weird about that? He’s helping his dad, so what.”

“Let’s change the subject. How’s your girlfriend J?” Brian said quickly before Alex spilled the beans.

“She’s not my girlfriend. We’ve talked like three times on the phone.” He blushed.

“You’re flushed Alex. You must really like her.”

“Shut up. She’s a cool girl.”

“You’ll have to ask her to go out with the gang. I really want to meet her.”

“You will when the time is right. How many more days until you do it with Nicky?” Brian gave Alex a look and held his ears.

“I don’t think Bri wants to hear about my sex life. I can’t offend my favorite cousin.” I joked.

“Thank you Ashton.” Brian flopped on the couch next to me and gave me a big hug.

“You’re welcome Brian.” I said as I hugged him back. “Eighteen.”

“You hurt my virgin ears.” Brian shrieked.

“Brian, you are not a virgin.” Kevin remarked as his entered the living room.

“Is it pick on Brian day?”

“Yes, it is cuz. Why are you all at my house?”

“We’re bored. There’s nothing to do.”

“AJ, stop whining. I hear it every single day. I don’t want to hear you on my day off. Why don’t you all go to Tampa and bother Nick.”

“We can’t he’s helping his dad for the day.” I replied. “Well, I don’t know about all you chimps, but I’m going to find something to do.”

I got up and went outside on the deck. Briand and Alex followed me outside.

“You want to go do something?”

“Like what?” I questioned.

“I dunno. We could go mini golfing or something.” Alex suggested.

“That sounds like fun. Give me ten minutes to get ready.” I ran into the house and up to my bedroom.

Nick followed Nia into the dress shop. He felt kind of odd being in a store filled with just dresses.

“Do you have anything particular in mind?” Nia asked as she watched Nick look around uneasily.

“Umm…not really. I’ve never bought a dress before. I’m not even sure what Ashton would like.” He looked around nervously at all dozens of dresses that surrounded him.

“Her favorite color is red. Do you want to look at the rack of red dresses?”

“Sure.”

They both walked over to the rack filled with thirty or forty red party dresses. Nick slowly perused the dresses.

“I think this is a sweet gesture. Ash is going to be surprised.” Nia smiled as she held up a long red dress.

“I hope so. I’m looking forward to this night with her.” He shook his head no at the dress.

Nick held up a short red strapless satin dress with a tulle skirt. It was accented satin sash with a diamond shaped rhinestone broche. The bodice and tulle skirt was flocked with silver sparkles. He checked the size and smiled. It was perfect for Ashton.

“What do you think?” He held the dress up.

“Nick, it’s gorgeous. Ashton will look stunning in that. You have excellent taste.”

“Thanks.” Nick said shyly.

He walked up to the counter and paid for the dress. He took the bag and they walked out of the store.

“So what is the plan for tomorrow?”

“Ashton works until two. Will you put the dress on her bed?”

“Sure.”

“I have a note that goes with it. Then, will you help her get ready?”

“Not a problem. I will do whatever she needs me to do. What time are you picking her up?”

“I will pick her up at five o’clock. We have reservations at five forty-five.” Nick opened the car door for Nia. They both got in.

“What else do you have planned?”

“Well after dinner, I’m going to take her to the hotel. I’m going to have music so that we can dance. I also have a few surprises up my sleeve.” He grinned.

“I’ll have her bag pack and give it to Kevin when he meets you at the hotel.”

“Thanks for helping me. It really means a lot. I’m so nervous.”

“She will love it. Kevin needs to take some tips from you.”

“Nah, he really helped me come up with a lot of this.”

“Really? He’d better be planning something romantic for me.” Nia joked.

--------------------------------------

(The Next Day)

Kevin was spreading rose petals around the room. He was placing them anywhere and everywhere. Nick was placing candles on the dresser.

“Nick, do you have enough money to cover everything.”

“Yes. I did a lot of work for my dad.”

“Ashton kept saying how busy you were the last couple weeks. I’m really proud of you.” Kevin smiled at him.

“Why is that Kev?”

“You’ve just matured so much in the last couple months. It makes me happy to see how your relationship has grown. You make my sister happy. I’m thankful that she found someone who loves her that much.” Kevin pulled Nick in for a hug.

“I love her more than I ever thought I could love someone. I know that we’re meant to be together. Even though we are young, I don’t see myself with anyone else.” Nick said honestly. He couldn’t imagine loving any other woman.

Nick fiddled with the radio. He placed a CD into the radio.

------------------------------

I walked into the house. My feet were killing me. A little girl had stepped on it earlier in the day. I was ready to relax. Nick was busy doing something with his family, so I had the whole evening to watch movies and stuff my face with junk food.

“Hey, Nia.”

“Hi Ashton. How was work?”

“It was good. I’m going to go change my clothes. I’ll be back down.

I went upstairs and went inside my room. A garment bag was sitting on my bed. I walked over and saw an envelope. I was confused, but opened it.

            Dear Ashton,

You are special to me. Tonight is a special night. Please get yourself dolled up. Inside the garment bag is something special I would like you to wear. I hope that you like it. I look forward to spending a special night with a special lady. You mean the world to me. I love you a lot. Your coach will arrive five. Can’t wait until I see you.

                                    XOXO,

                                    Nick

Tears fell from my eyes. Nia chose that moment to walk in.

“Do you know anything about this?” I whispered.

“A little. Nick needed me to help with some logistics. You are a lucky girl.”

“I know.” I gushed. I quickly walked into the bathroom. A basket filled with bubble bath, a candle, shower gel, and lotion in my favorite scent sat on the counter. Nick had really outdone himself.

Since I had enough time, I decided to take a bubble bath. It was nice to relax. I daydreamed about what was going to happen this evening.  About ninety minutes later, I was getting out of the tub. I quickly dried off and started to get ready.

“Nia.” I yelled.

“What do you need?” She yelled back at me.

“Can you help me with my hair?”

“Yes, I’ll be up in a few minutes.”

I was sitting at my desk when Nia walked in. “How do you want your hair fixed.”

“I was thinking lots of curls. Nick hasn’t seen my hair that way in a long time. I think it would look pretty with that dress. Have you seen it? It’s beautiful.” I beamed.

“It’s dazzling. Nick took a long time picking out the perfect dress for you.” Nia wrapped a section of my hair around the curling iron.

“Oh, wow! I didn’t even realize he pick it out. This is surreal. I never expected him to do something like this. I feel like a princess.”

“You are a princess to him. So, when is your ban over?” Nia asked.

“Umm…I’ve been so busy with work that I haven’t even thought about it. I think it’s like a couple days or so.”

“Are you getting excited about that?”

“What do you think? Try not making love to Kevin for two months.” I teased.

“I’m not going there. Your hair is finished.”

I looked in the mirror. My hair was full of beautiful cascading curls. I put on some makeup. Then I got dressed. I looked in the mirror and twirled around. I felt like a princess.

I walked down the stairs where Nick was standing. Suddenly I was nervous. My heart was thumping in my chest.

“Wow! Ashton, you look gorgeous.” Nick took my hand and placed a kiss on it. I smiled at him.

“Thank you.” I said in a soft voice. My eyes locked with his blue eyes. I felt a shiver go through my body.

“Let me take your picture before you leave.” Nia snapped a few photos and we silently left the house.

Nick opened the door, and I got into the car. Moments later Nick was pulling out of the driveway. We drove quietly down the road.

It was like I was in a dream. I didn’t know what to say to Nick. He had planned something special just for me.

“Ashton, is everything okay?” Nick entwined his hand with mine.

“Yes. I’m just amazed by your thoughtfulness. You treat me like a princess.” I murmured.

“The night has just begun. I have many surprises for you.” He squeezed my hand.

“Nick, I love you.”

“Ashton, I love you more.”

“No, I love you more.”

“Never. Ashton, I love you most.”

Nick pulled into a very fancy restaurant. I felt weak in the knees. What did I do to deserve such special treatment?

“Um…we have a reservation for Carter.” Nick told the maître de.

“Right this way.”

We walked to a table for two. We sat down and looked at the menu.

“Order anything you like.” Nick told me.

“Are you sure Nick? It’s very expensive.”

“Don’t worry about it. Tonight is about spoiling you.” He smiled at me. My heart melted.

Our waiter came and took our order. Then he left us sitting in the quiet.

“Thank you for the dress and everything else. I was so surprised when I came home from work.”

“You’re welcome. I wanted to do something special for you.” He rubbed my hand.

“Why?” I asked curiously. I looked at my wonderful boyfriend.

“Why not? You make me happy. You deal with my crap. I just wanted to let you know how much I love you.”

“Thank you. I love you. No one has ever treated me this special.” Tears formed in my eyes.

“Baby girl, please don’t cry.” His thumb wiped the tears off my face.

“They are happy tears. How were you able to do all this? I feel bad you spending all this money.”

“Money isn’t an issue. Don’t worry about how I did it all. That is my secret.”

“Okay.”

My hands started to shake. I didn’t know why I was so nervous. Nick and I went out to dinner many times. Something was different about tonight. There was a feeling of electricity in the air.

“Ashy, relax. You’re trembling. What’s got you so nervous?” Nick asked quietly.

“I don’t know. I’ve been feeling nervous since I saw you at the bottom of the stairs.”

“Relax baby girl. Tonight is all about us. Do you remember the first time we met?”

“Yeah. I went to practice with Brian and Kevin that day. I tried helping you with some dance moves and you got all mad at me.” I chuckled.

“It’s hard to believe we hated each other. Who knew we would end up together?”

The waiter brought our food. We started to eat our food.

“When did you fall in love with me Nick?”

“It was the day that Sage made you over. You came to our concert. I didn’t even recognize you. I ignored you.”

“I remember that. You kept looking at me, but then you would hide your face when I looked at you.” I giggled.

We continued to reminisce about our journey of falling in love. We both had some funny stories. I started to feel less nervous. It was like a regular date night with Nick.

We finished our dinner. Nick paid the bill and we left the restaurant. We stood by Nick’s car.

“Tonight was awesome, Nick. Thank you.”

I pressed my mouth to his mouth. Nick’s body moved closer to mine. My hands moved around his neck. Nick’s tongue pushed its way into my mouth. Our tongues danced. My senses were heightened, so everything seemed to make my insides stir. I wanted Nick badly. I rubbed my high heel against his calf. He moaned into my mouth. His hands moved to my waist and he blocked any air between our bodies. We continued to kiss, not caring if anyone in the parking lot saw us.

“That was…umm…that was amazing. I never get tired of kissing you.” Nick placed a curl behind my ear.

“The time we spent apart killed me. I missed your kisses.” I entwined my fingers with his.

“I was so stupid to ever cause you to break up with me. I was such a jerk. I promise to make it up to you for the rest of my life.”

“Don’t worry about it. I’ve already forgiven you. We both made mistakes. Our relationship keeps getting better.” I kissed his cheek.

Nick released his hand and put it inside his pocket. When he took it out; he was holding a tiny black box. My eyes widen.

“Ashton, you mean the world to me. A while back you gave this back to me. You thought that I wasn’t living up to my promises. Baby girl, you were right. I was a fool, who wasn’t living up to my promises. I’ve changed. From now on I am going to keep all my promises to you. I never want to hurt you like I did. I love you more than life itself. You are the only woman for me.”

“Nick, I promise to always love you and work through our problems.” I held out my right hand to Nick.

He pushed my right hand away. I looked up at him. Nick took hold of my left hand.

“We’ve moved past just making promises. I know we are young, but I plan on marrying you in the future. I plan on being the father of your children. Will you marry me Ashton Jeannette Richardson?” Nick asked quietly. I nodded my head.

“Yes, I’ll marry you.” I squealed.

Nick placed the claddagh ring with the heart facing outward. Tears streamed down our faces.

“Now I know that we are both young and still have a lot of things we want to do. I want us to have a long engagement. We’ll know when it is the right time to get married.”

“I agree Nick. I love you so much. Can we keep this a secret? I want to tell the world, but I want to enjoy it just with you.”

“Of course we can keep it a secret for a while. I love having something special with just you. Do you know another reason tonight is special?” I shook my head. I don’t think I could take anymore surprises. My nerves were shot, in a good way of course.

“I get to make sweet love to you all night long.”

“Let’s go Nick.” I quickly opened the door and got inside.

Nick ran to his side of the car and got in. We both looked at each other and laughed. This was the best day of my life.

We were driving in the opposite direction of Nick’s house. I was confused as to why he was going the other way. I think he might have had another surprise for me.

“Nick where are we going?” I asked curiously.

“It’s surprise.” He grinned as he pulled his car into the Holiday Inn.

My eyes widen. The fairytale wasn’t ending yet. How was Nick able to do all of this for me? I was grateful to have such a wonderful boyfriend, no wait fiancé. I wasn’t sure if tonight was a dream or reality. I prayed that it was real.

Nick quickly grabbed my hand and pulled me in the direction of the door. We swiftly walked into the hotel and straight to the elevator. Once we got in, Nick pulled me up against his body into a tight embrace. I could feel his breath on my bare shoulders.

The elevator door opened and he took my hand as we walked to the room.

I was in amazement as I opened the door. Rose petals were placed all around the room. There were red, yellow, pink and orange rose petals scattered on the bed. Candles were lit on the dresser. It was like a romance novel.

“Oh, Nick. This is beautiful.” I gasped.

“Not as beautiful as you.” Nick kissed my bare shoulder. I shuddered at his touch.

He moved his way up to my lips by placing tiny butterfly kisses all over my chest and neck. My body was shaking. I didn’t know if Nick could feel it or not. He quickly pulled his dress shirt out of his slacks. My hands moved to his belt buckle and I went to work. Our lips never left each other. I unzipped Nick’s pants and they fell to ground.

“What’s the rush baby girl?” Nick asked looking in my eyes.

“I…I…need you now.”

“We have all night baby girl. I plan on making love to you all night and into the morning.” He played with my curls.

“Nick, my body is already quivering from your touch. I need you in me. We can take it slower later.” I breathed heavily.

Without another word, Nick unzipped my dress. It fell to the ground as he picked me up and carried me to the bed.  He quickly took off my bra and panties. A breeze of cold air made me realize that I was completely naked. Nick entered me quickly. We met each other thrust for thrust in a frenzy of want and desire. My body couldn’t take it any longer. Neither could Nick’s. We came together. Both of us laid there breathing heavy.

“Ashy, that was amazing.”

“Nick, I love you.”

“I love you, too. I missed making love to you. I can’t wait to devour your whole body slowly.”

“My god, Nick. I think I need a few moments to breathe. My heart is beating so fast. Thank you for everything.” I said in a whisper.

“Your welcome.” He rubbed my arms.

“I love the roses, especially since you used all those different colors.”

“They each have a special meaning. Red is for love. Yellow is because you are my best friend. I chose pink because I admire everything about you. The orange roses symbolize the desire and passion I have for you.”

“Nick, that is so meaningful. You keep making me cry. I feel like a blubbering baby.” Tears once again ran down my face.

“As long as they are tears of joy. I never want to cause you tears of pain or sadness.” Nick wiped my tears away. I gave him a peck on the lips.

I turned over on my side, so that I was looking at him. “Make slow passionate love to me.”

Nick pushed me down onto my back. My body melted into the mattress. He took his time placing light kisses all over my body. The sensation gave me goose bumps. I let myself relax as Nick did all the work. My back arched in need of him. His mouth slowly moved back to mine. He gently placed his tongue in my mouth. I was so occupied with his tongue that I didn’t even realize he entered me. He slowly moved inside of me. My legs wrapped around his body. Every nerve ending in my body was electrified. This was the most intense moment of my life. Nick hovered over me and stared into my darkening green eyes.

“Look deep into my eyes, baby girl. I want to look deep into your emerald eyes as we come together.” Nick said huskily. I nodded my head. I couldn’t get any words out of my mouth.

My hands moved to his back. He kissed my breasts then looked deep into my eyes. I was so close. The things Nick made me feel. I couldn’t be a happier woman. There was no other man for me.

“This is all about you. I love you, Ashton.”

I found my release as he told me he loved me. We continued to look each other in the eyes. The intensity made it that much better. Nick was always good at making love, but this time was so much more. I realized that I would get to experience this for the rest of my life. Both our hearts were beating as fast as drums. He slowly rolled off of me.

“Ashton that was fucking amazing. I never felt that before when I made love to you.” He kissed me.

“I know. We took our relationship to a whole new level. Just think we will spend the rest of our lives making love to each other this way.” I snuggled closer to him. He pulled the comforter on top of us. Rose flew everywhere.

“There’s nothing else I want, baby girl.” Nick said with a yawn.

We snuggle up closer together. My mind was reeling with so many thoughts and emotions. Nick wrapped his arms around me, and I could feel him breathing heavy. My eyes started to close shut. We both fell asleep together.

I opened my eyes and I saw that Nick was missing. I was wrapped up in the comforter. My body ached from all the activity it enjoyed the night before. Nick and I had made love more times than I could count. We made up for all our lost time. I have to admit it was worth the wait. I lounged peacefully in the bed.

I started to doze off when the door opened. Nick walked in with breakfast. I sat up and wrapped the sheet on me.

“Good morning baby girl. How did you sleep?” He kissed me.

“Wonderfully.” I smiled.

He set the food down on the table. I got up and realized I had nothing to wear.

“Nick do you have anything I could wear?”

“Your overnight bag is in the corner.”

“You thought of everything.” I said as I walked over to my bag. I dug through it and found a t-shirt and panties. I quickly put them on and sat at the table beside Nick.

Nick placed an order of pancakes and sausage in front of me. I quickly started to eat my food. I didn’t realize how hungry I was.

“Whoa baby, slow down.”

“I can’t help it. You’ve made me famished. Last night was wonderful.” I smirked.

“ It was. After all those months it was worth it. When does school start?”

“In about two weeks. Sage and I got an apartment this semester. Do you want to help us move in?”

“Sure. Just let me know when, so I can check my schedule.”

“Actually what are you doing on Tuesday?” I asked as I stole a piece of his sausage.

“It’s my day off.”

“Good. You can help me move in. Our apartment is like five minutes from your house.”

“Good. I hated have to driving to your dorm. I could never find parking.”

“Nick, what time do we need to check out?” He looked at the clock.

“In about an hour.”

I got up and straddled Nick’s lap. “Do you think we have enough time to make love?”

“If we make it quick.” He pushed me off his lap, picked me up and threw me on the bed.

--------------------------

We walked into Kevin’s house. Nick was carrying my bag. I’m sure I looked a mess. We didn’t have time to shower. My hair was in a messy bun. I wasn’t wearing make up and sunglasses were covering my eyes.

“Look what the cat dragged in.” Kevin teased.

“Hi Kevy.” I sat down next to him.

“You seem very chipper this afternoon.”

“Life is good, my brother.”

“I take it you both had a good time last night.”

“It was wonderful.” I said as Nick shook his head.

We sat there in silence.

“I’m off to get a shower and take a nap. See you later, Nicky.” I got up and gave him a peck on the lips. Then I went upstairs.

“She seems very happy.”

“Kevin, it was a wonderful night. Thank you for helping me.”

“Anytime. You make my sister happy. That’s all that matters.”

“Are you helping her move on Tuesday?” Nick yawned.

“Yes. Be here by nine. Brian and AJ are going to help.”

“Okay.” Nick yawned again.

“Man, you better get home and take a nap. You’re exhausted.”

“That would be your sister’s fault.” He said as he stood up.

“I don’t want to know that details.” Kevin held his ears.

“And I don’t want you to know. Later man.” Nick left.

--------------------

I awoke from my nap feeling refreshed. I was still smiling from the perfect night I just had.

I could hear Nia and Kevin whispering in the hall.

“Twenty more seconds.” Nia said.

“Then we’ll know. I’m excited.”

“I know, but it might not be positive.”

“Time is up. Let’s go check.”

They walked into the bathroom. I heard Nia scream. I ran out of my bedroom to see what was wrong.”

Nia and Kevin were jumping around in the hallway. Kevin had tears running down his face. Nia was all smiles.

“We’re having a baby!” Kevin yelled.

“Congrats! I’m so happy for you.” I gave Nia a hug. Then I hugged Kevin.

“Thanks. We need to go celebrate.” Kevin suggested.”

“I’m going to be an aunt. That’s so cool. You two enjoy yourselves.” I ducked back into my room. I didn’t want to ruin their moment together.

I took out my journal and started to write.

            Life could not be any better. Nick is the best fiancé. Yes, I mean fiancé. He proposed to me last night. Can you believe it? I’m going to be Mrs. Nickolas Carter. I can’t believe it myself. Things are going great in our relationship. I have never been happier in my life. Nick did the sweetest thing for me last night. He surprised me with a romantic dinner and romantic night in a hotel. I was shocked that he did that for me. He bought me a beautiful red party dress. It was the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me.

            Finally our sex ban is over. We made passionate love all night long. If I wasn’t already in love with him; last night would have sealed the deal. Nick made the night all about me. I kind of feel selfish. I will have to think of something to do to show him how much I love him.

            Right now we are keeping our engagement quiet. I would love to share it with the world, but I think it’s best to wait a while. We are both young and are in no position to get married. Kevin would probably flip that his eighteen year old sister is engaged. Nick and I plan on waiting a long time before we get married. He’s so busy with the group. I hope that they become successful. They are a talented bunch of guys. I want to finish college and become a teacher. I think we will wait until our mid-twenties before we get married.

            I know that I want a small wedding. Even though we are waiting, that doesn’t mean I can’t start getting ideas. Maybe we could get married on the beach. I think I might start a wedding journal. I will place all my ideas in there.

            Guess what? Kevin’s going to be a daddy. I am so excited for him. He’s going to make an excellent daddy.

Nick, Brian and Alex were arguing about how to get my dresser out of the house. For some reason I didn’t trust them. I stood there watching them as Kevin walked into my room.

“Can you please tell them what to do Kevin? They are going to knick my dresser.” I complained.

“Anything for you sis. Nick and AJ flip it over on its side. Then each of you takes an end. I will guide you down the steps and out the door.”

Nick and Alex followed Kevin’s directions. Brian sat on my bed looking through my books.

“Brian, can you hand me those books on the nightstand?”

He handed me the books and looked at my left hand. He picked it back up and inspected it.

“What’s that on your ring finger?” He asked inquisitively.

“I don’t know, but I think it might be a ring.” I attempted to play dumb.

“Is that what I think it is?” He looked at the ring again.

“Brian mind your own business.” I moved away from him and sat on the bed. He sat down next to me.

“Ashton talk to me.”

“Fine, Brian. It’s the same ring he gave me earlier, but now it’s on a different finger. It means something different now.”

“Does it mean what I think it means?”

“It’s an engagement ring. Nick proposed to me this past weekend.” I smiled.

“Am I the only one that knows?” I nodded my head. “Congrats. I’m happy for both of you.”

“Thanks Bri. We are keeping the whole engagement quiet for a while. Please don’t tell anyone.” I hugged him. “Nick and I are going to have a long engagement. He’s busy with the group, and I want to finish school.”

“Your secret is safe with me.”

“What secret?” Alex asked as he walked into my room.

“If I told you I would have to kill you.” I threw a stuffed animal at him.

Alex walked over to me and started tickling me.

“Stop it. I hate…being…tickled.” I giggled.

“Tell me your secret.” He continued to tickle me.

“Never” I tried to wriggle free from his tickling fingers. “Bri help me.”

“I’m not going there. I think I’ll go help Nick and Kevin.” Brian walked out of my bedroom.

-------------------------------

(Meanwhile outside)

“Nick.”

“Yes, Kevin.”

“What’s with the ring on my sister’s finger?” Kevin looked Nick directly in the eye.

“What do you mean?” Nick responded cautiously.

“Stop acting blond. You know the one on her left ring finger.”

“Oh, you mean that ring.”

“Yes, that ring.” Kevin stood up a little straighter.

“It’s the ring that I gave her for Christmas.” Nick leaned against Kevin’s truck.

“I remember that ring being on her right hand. Stop playing stupid with me.” Kevin said through gritted teeth. Nick was starting to get nervous.

“Well..umm…you…see…it’s…”

“Just spit it out Carter.”

“Fine. I asked her to marry me.”

“YOU DID WHAT?!?!” Kevin blurted out. He didn’t know what to think. In one respect he was pissed off. They were too young to get married. In another, he knew they were meant to be together, and he wanted his sister to be happy. “Why now?”

“Kevin, you want to know the truth.”

“Yes Nick. Enlighten me.” Kevin sat on the back of the truck.

“I love Ashton more than anything in the world. When my world sucks, I know she’s going to make it better. I can’t live without her in my life. I don’t want to live my life without her. I know I’m just a stupid eighteen year old, but I can’t change how I feel.”

“Nick, you’re actually acting mature. You take your relationship with my sister seriously. I’m proud of that.”

“Umm thanks. I just want to let you know that we are taking this engagement seriously. We don’t plan on getting married for a long time. Ashton needs to finish school, and I need to see how the group goes. That gives us a good three or four years before we even plan the wedding.” Nick explained.

“You both have a good head on your shoulders. I’m amazed that she didn’t come in screaming she was engaged.”

“She wanted to keep it on the down low. Ashton was afraid you would be pissed.”

“My sister knows me well. When I saw the ring, I was a little upset. Nia told me to give Ashton time to tell me about the ring. I figured I’d wait until I saw you to find out.”

“It’s not that we want to hide things from you. It’s just that Ashy needs time to process things before she shares them with the world. She needs to get a grip on her emotions and situations before she tells anyone.” Nick tried to explain Ashton’s point of view.

“She’s always been like that.”

Nick and Kevin quietly processed their thoughts. Neither knew quite what to say. Nick wasn’t sure what Kevin’s thoughts were about the engagement. He prayed that Kevin would be accepting of the situation. Life would be easier if Kevin approved.

“Nick, welcome to the family.” Kevin pulled Nick into a hug.

--------------------------

“Sage.” I screamed.

She ran over to me and gave me a hug. I hadn’t seen her all summer.

“You look absolutely beautiful. You’re practically glowing.”

“Thanks. We’ll talk about it later.” I whispered to her.

“Oh, there are my sexy ladies.”

“Alex, you are such the flatterer. Don’t forget we are both taken.” Sage teased him.

“Alex forgets he’s almost taken.” I ratted him out.

“What are you talking about?”

“He met a girl this summer. Her name is Arizona. They are getting to be very friendly.” I gave Alex a hug.

“We are just friends.” He stated with a grin.

“Have you slept with her?” Sage inquired.

“Yes, but that means nothing.”

“Alex, stop fooling yourself. You know you like her.”

Alex picked me up and threw me over his shoulder.

“What are you doing to my woman?”

“I’m going to throw her in the dumpster. She’s talking trash on me.” I started smacking Alex on the butt. “Stop smacking my sexy ass.”

“What ass? You have no ass.”

“Baby girl, stop turning J on. You know he likes getting spanked.” Nick taunted.

Alex gently placed me back on the ground and chased Nick outside. Those boys were too much.

Things were hectic at the moment. I was busy with a tough course load and working part time.  Nick spent all his time rehearsing for the upcoming Backstreet Boys tour. Their song Everybody (Backstreet’s Back) was released in August. It was climbing up the charts. At the end of the year they would be starting out on a 60 city tour.

Nick and I hadn’t spent a day together since he helped me move into my apartment. This time around Nick and I were handling our relationship much better. That’s not to say that I was happy no seeing him. I missed him more than life itself. It was hard not seeing him or talking to him everyday.

I was realistic enough to know that he was working hard on his dream. There was no jealousy involved. Every time I heard him on the radio, it made me smile. I was already a devoted fan of Nick and the other guys, too.

I was sitting on the couch attempting to right a lesson plan on fractions. My mind was not on fractions. A knocking on the door pulled me out of my thoughts.

“Just a minute.” I set my stuff down and ran to the door.

“Baby girl.” Nick picked me up and twirled me around. Then he placed a kiss on my lips.

“What are you doing here?”

“I have the evening off. I needed to see you.” He kissed me again, sticking his tongue in my mouth. My hands cupped his ass. We were making up for lost time.

“Nick…I…need…you….now.” I panted. I took his hand and led him to my bedroom.

“Ashy…..it’s been so long.” He closed the door behind us.

Within seconds my clothing was in a pile on the floor. I noticed Nick wasn’t playing fair. He was fully clothed.

“Nick, you need to take this off.” I pulled his t-shirt off and threw it on the floor.

He quickly took his jeans and boxers off. Next thing we were on the bed.

-----------------------

“Nick…are you awake?” I poked him in the upper arm.

“Mmmm.” He stirred, but continued sleeping.

“Nick, you need to wake up now.” I shoved him to awaken him.

“Ashton what is it?” He snuggled closer to me.

I was nervous to have to tell him. I didn’t want him getting mad at me. Lying in the darkness made it a little easier to tell him.

“Nick, I just realized that I haven’t taken my birth control in like two weeks. I needed to get it refilled, but I got busy.” I said quickly.

“What was that?” Nick sat up, looking half asleep.

“I haven’t taken my birth control in two weeks and we didn’t use a condom.” I started to cry.

“Oh fuck.” Nick ran a hand through his hair.

“What if I’m pregnant?” My body shook. I could barely breathe. I think I was having a panic attack.

“Baby girl, calm down. Breathe slowly. In and out, in and out.” That only made me start crying harder.

“Don’t…say….that”

“Baby, put your head between your legs. You need to calm down.”

I did what he said. Slowly I was able to breathe. Nick had turned on the light. He was rubbing my back.

“Sorry, I’m acting like a psycho.”

“It’s okay. You can’t get yourself all worked up.” He continued to rub my back.

“But, I was so stupid.”

“You’re not stupid. I should have used a condom.” Nick sighed.

“What are we going to do?” I fell back on the bed. Nick kissed my forehead.

“The thing is Ashton, it doesn’t matter. We love each other. We are going to get married. If God wants us to have baby now, then we will be parents. Sure the timing kind of sucks, but we are just going to deal with whatever comes our way. We will deal with it together.” Nick looked me directly in the eyes as he played with my hair.

“How did I get so lucky?” I whispered.

“I don’t know. I think we have to thank Kevin for it. Without him, we would have never met. Baby girl, I love you. Neither of us are to blame. We both were forgetful. Whatever will be will be. I love you and nothing can change that.” 

“I love you, too.”

-----------------------------

After Nick left, I decided to call my mom. I needed to hear her voice. I missed her.

“Hello!”

“Mom, I miss you.” I cried quietly.

“Ashton, what’s wrong?”

“I did something stupid.” I curled up on my bed.

“Sweetheart, tell me what happened. I’m sure it’s not that bad.” Ann attempted to comfort her daughter.

“Oh mom. Let me start at the beginning. Nick and I got back together. Well we had a sex ban for two months. That kind of sucked. Anyway he took me on this romantic evening. Mom, he bought be a beautiful dress and took me to dinner. Then he gave me the claddagh ring back.”

“Sweetheart, that is wonderful. You two are perfect for each other.” Ann beamed.

“Nick proposed to me that night. I said yes. We are going to wait a long time before we get married. I love him so much.”

“Wow! Congrats. I’m so happy for you. You found a special guy.”

“I thought you would be pissed.”

“Ashton Jeannette watch your language. Why would I be mad? I trust you and the decisions you make.”

“Thanks mom. I appreciate that. Anyway, fast forward to tonight. That is where all the trouble started.”

“What happened?” My mom questioned.

“Nick came over. We haven’t seen each other in like almost two months. He’s been busy with getting ready for the tour. I’ve been busy with school.” I paused trying to collect my thoughts.

“Okay. Go on.”

“Well we had sex. Then I realized that I haven’t taken my birth control pills for two weeks.” I sobbed. “I forget to renew my prescription because I’ve been busy. It only gets worse.”

“Oh, Ashton.” Ann’s heart was breaking for her daughter.

“Nick didn’t use any protection. What am I going to do if I’m pregnant?” I bawled. I felt another panic attack coming on.

“Sweetheart, you got yourself into a fine mess. Did you talk to Nick?”

“Yes. He said that if I’m pregnant, we will be parents. He said that we will deal with whatever comes our way.” I started to calm myself down, when I listened to what Nick had said. He wasn’t going to dump me.

“He seems very mature about it for only being seventeen. You’re just going to have to go to the doctor’s and see what happens. You can’t change what happened. It’s in the past. You and Nick need to figure out your future.”

“But mom this will change everything.” I started to freak out again.

“First you need to calm yourself. Stressing out won’t help the situation. Make an appointment with a gynecologist as soon as possible. Then you and Nick can decide what to do.”

“Thanks mom for being so understanding. I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

Things were still hectic in my life. I was busy with school. I had taken more hours at work. I was saving to buy Nick tickets to the Bucs game. I finally had made an appointment to see the doctor. That was adding to the stress in my life.

My mom called me daily to check on me. I loved her dearly, but it was getting on my nerves. I knew she was worried about me. I thanked her for not telling Kevin. He would freak out on Nick and me.

My birthday came and went without much excitement. Nick took me out to dinner. Halloween had just past. We took Nick’s siblings trick or treating.

You would have thought things would have been strained between us, but it wasn’t. We discussed our situation openly and honestly. Nick and I were trying to handle it maturely. It wasn’t easy, but we didn’t have a choice. I couldn’t wait to go to the doctor and find out if I was pregnant. The answer would take a lot of stress off my life. Whether I was pregnant or not, Nick and I had some decisions we needed to make.

I was getting ready to go to Nick’s house for a movie night.

-------------------------------

“What movie do you want to watch?”

“Dirty Dancing.” I took the movie out of my bag.

“Again.” Nick teased.

“I can’t help it. I love this movie.”

“You’re going to be the death of me. I’ll go make some popcorn. Get the movie ready.” Nick walked into the kitchen.

I sat on the couch, not wanting to get up. I was feeling a little tired and somewhat cranky. A few minutes later Nick entered the living room. I was still sitting on the couch with the movie in my hand.

“Are you okay? You didn’t put the movie in.” Nick placed the bowl of popcorn on the table.

“Yeah, I’m just feeling tired.”

“Baby girl, do you want to lie down? Do you want to go home? Are you feeling okay?” Nick asked in concern.

“Chill out. I’m fine. I’m tired, not dying.” I snapped at him.

“I’m just trying to show concern.” He sat down next to me.

“Whatever. Let’s just watch the movie.” I sighed and walked over to the VCR.

“What’s with the attitude?”

“Nothing. I don’t want to talk about it. I just want to watch Dirty Dancing.” I sat on the floor.

“Don’t you want to sit with me?” Nick pouted. He was starting to get on my nerves.

“Fine Nick.” I stood up and went to sit next to him. “Are you happy now?”

“If you don’t want to sit by me that’s fine. I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to.”

“Would you make up my mind? I just want to watch the movie.” I rolled my eyes.

“Fine.”

“Fine.”

We watched the movie in silence. I wasn’t paying any attention to Patrick Swayze or Jennifer Grey. I was extremely moody. Nick was getting on my nerves. He was trying to be nice, but I didn’t feel like be treated nicely. I wanted to be left alone.

Nick sat next to me chomping on popcorn. His crunching seemed so loud. It was grating on my nerves. I couldn’t sit by him. I moved to the floor near the television.

“Do I smell?” Nick teased.

“No.” I kept my eye on the movie.

“Are you mad at me?” Nick ran his fingers through his hair.

“No.”

“Can you say more than one word?”

“Nick, just leave me alone.”

Nick got up and turned off the movie.

“I was watching that. Why did you turn it off?” I raised my voice.

“Are you kidding me?” He looked at me like I had two heads. “What is wrong?”

“I’m tired. I’m cranky. I just want to be left alone.”

“Then why did you come over?”

“I wanted to see my boyfriend. I never see you. Even though I want to bury myself under the covers, I decided it was more important to see you.” I stood up.

“If you didn’t feel like coming, you didn’t have to. I would have understood.” Nick looked at me.

“Then I would’ve had to listen to you whine on the phone.”

“I don’t whine.” He whined.

“You’re doing it now. Look this is stupid. We are fighting over nothing.”

“We aren’t fighting.”

“Nick, listen to us. We aren’t even fighting about important things. I’m going home before we say anything we regret. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” I grabbed my purse and walked out of his house.

---------------------------------

My room was dark when I woke up. I didn’t feel as edgy as I did when I left Nick’s house. I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I felt bad acting that way towards Nick, but I could not control my emotions.

The red number on the clock said eleven thirty. I had slept for about five hours. I felt somewhat refreshed, but still seemed listless. Was this a sign of my body changing? That scared the shit out of me. I tried to picture myself with a baby bump.  I shuddered at that thought. I loved children, but I was not ready to be a mom. Why was this happening to me?  Every time my life was settling down, drama came my way.

I had to pee. I went to the bathroom. There was blood on my panties. It looked like my period had started. I took care of business and went back into my room. I found my planner and checked the date. My period was due today.  Relief flowed through my body. I was never so happy to get my period.

I dialed Nick’s number.

“Hello!”

“I got my period.” I shouted into the phone.

“Umm…Ashton.” Nick sounded unsure.

“Yes, Nicky.”

“You got your period?”

“Yes, that’s why I was such a bitch to you tonight. I’m sorry.” I apologized.

“I understand. I guess we don’t have to worry about you being pregnant. We are both to young to be parents.”

“Nick, I know this is hard. It one sense it would be great to have a baby. At this point in our lives we aren’t ready. Backstreet Boys is taking off. I want to finish college.”

“I know. You’re right. The timing sucks. Someday when the time is right, we will spend our time making lots of babies.”

“That’s a deal. I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

Nick and I continued to chat the night away. At least we were communicating instead of ignoring our issues. Our relationship was maturing.

My mom and brothers decided to fly down to Florida for Thanksgiving. I was happy to see them. Nia was cooking dinner for everyone. The pregnancy had made her domestic. The house was decorated with burgundy decorations and candles. She made enough food for thirty people.

The men were in the living room watching football. The women were cleaning up.

“You are really starting to show.” I smiled at Nia. You could definitely tell she was pregnant.

“I know.  It’s hard to believe. I didn’t think I would get so fat.” She giggled.

“You’re beautiful and glowing. I remember how happy I was when I was pregnant.”

I continue to wash the dishes trying to ignore the conversation. I really didn’t want to hear about pregnancy or babies.

“You’re quiet, Ashton.”

I looked over at Nia. “I was zoning out. Sorry. I think I need a nap.”

I wiped my hands dry on a towel and quickly walked out.

“Is something bothering Ashton?”

“Ashton and Nick had a pregnancy scare a couple of weeks ago. She’s not pregnant, but I think she’s having some trouble dealing with it all.”

“I’m sure it doesn’t help that I’m pregnant. Those two are always getting into some kind of jam.”

“I know. Eventually things will work out for them. They are just young and have too much love surrounding them. They don’t always think before they act.” Ann poured herself a cup of coffee.

----------------------

I sat on the guest room bed. I wasn’t tired, nor did I want to take a nap. I was confused. I was happy that I wasn’t pregnant at this point in my life, but for some reason I was jealous of Nia.

There was a light tap on the door.

“Come in.”

Nick entered and locked the door. He sat on the bed next to me. We sat in silence.

“Can you picture me pregnant?”

“Yes, baby girl I can. I can see you with a baby bump. I can’t wait to place kisses all over your stomach and feel the baby kick.” Nick’s blue eyes stared into my green eyes.

“Do you think we will ever get the timing of important milestones in our relationship right?” I took his hand in mine.

“I think we will. Things just take time. I really don’t care if we do things the right way or the wrong way. As long as I have you in my life, I don’t care about the right time to get married or have kids.”

“But Nick.” He didn’t let me finish. He pulled my face to his. Nick slowly placed his lips on mine. We took our time memorizing each kiss as if we would never do it again. It was the most intense kisses I had ever tasted. My body ached for more, but Nick broke the kiss.

“That was so you will never question my love for you. You are my heart. You are my soul. You are the only thing that matters to me. Everything else means nothing. If my singing career never takes off, it doesn’t matter.  If we have to live in the beach house forever, it doesn’t matter. I love you and that is what matters.”

Tears streamed down my face. Lately it seems like all I did was cry. I was overjoyed with love and happiness.

“Nick, I love you.”

“I love you more, baby girl.”

“I have one question for you.”

“What?” He stared at me.

“Why don’t we act like teenagers?”

“Funny you should ask. Brian and I were talking about this the other day.”

“Really?”  I raised an eyebrow at him.

“Yes. With Brian’s helped I realized that we have a strong and powerful love. It goes further than puppy love. It goes further than an intimate relationship. We are soul mates. That makes are relationship more intense. We feel things that we’re not supposed to feel at this age. That is why it’s difficult for us to digest certain things.”

“That’s why we get into situations we’re not ready for. I’ve seen us grow a lot since we first met. I remember when you kissed me in Sweden.  That was the best day of my life.”

“Every day that I spend with you is the best day of my life. Our life together is just starting. We have many wonderful years ahead of us.” He kissed my forehead.

We both fell back on the bed and cuddle together. This was truly what being in love was about. I enjoyed being in his arms. We were in love and finally growing up together. I couldn’t wait to grow old with him.

THE END