Nothing. That’s exactly what I had left in my life. I didn’t picture my life ending up this way. Dreams. Sure, I had dreams, but they were long gone. They went away when my life fell apart. Things were different now. They would always be different. I regret some of the choices I made. Other choices were well worth the pain and agony.

I knocked on the door and silently prayed that it wouldn’t slam in my face. My two year old son held onto my hand and hugged a teddy bear with the other.

The door slowly opened. The woman looked at me and smiled unsurely.

“Is that you, Josie?” I nodded. “Come in.”

Slowly, my son and I walked into the house I had loved since I was a little girl. It was like coming home. All my nerves and trepidation disappeared as soon as I walked into the living room.

“It’s been so long.” Jackie sat across from me.

“I know. I’m sure you’re shocked to see me.” I stared at the carpet. Shane sat next to me sucking on the ear of his teddy bear.

“A little. It’s been so long. I’ve worried about you. So has Brian.” She said in a caring tone.

“I doubt that.” There was no way Brian would have missed me. After the falling out we had, it was impossible for us to be friends again. I didn’t know why I was sitting in his parent’s house.

Grabbing my son’s hand, I got up to leave. This was a bad idea.

“Don’t leave. The weather is bad. Why don’t I fix you both some lunch, and we can get to know each other again. Plus who is this adorable little boy?” Jackie said softly.

“This little monkey is Shane. Shane say hi to Mrs. Jackie.”

He grinned at her and waved.

Shane was shy. He didn’t spend a lot of time with anyone but me. Shane and I were a pair. We didn’t need anyone.

---------------------------------

After lunch, I put Shane down for a nap. He was extremely tired from the traveling we had done to get back to Kentucky.

“Josie, what’s the real reason you came home?” She questioned me.

“The truth is I have no where to go. After mom died, everything started to fall apart. I made some bad choices. Shane and I are homeless. The only things we have are in the bag I have with me.” I couldn’t look Jackie Littrell in the eye. I was embarrassed about my lifestyle. I didn’t want to look bad in her eyes.

“Sweetheart, how did this happen? I lost track of you after you and Brian had that falling out.”

“After our friendship ended, I ran as far away as possible. I worked one dead end job after another. I finally ran out of options.” Tears fell from my eyes. “I had to come home.”

“Where are you going to stay?”

“I don’t know. I have about fifty bucks to my name. I haven’t thought that far ahead. My goal was to get me and Shane to Kentucky.” I rubbed the hole in my faded blue jeans.

“You are more than welcome to stay here until you get back on your feet. Brian’s old room is empty. You and Shane could stay in there.”

“I couldn’t impose. I didn’t come to visit you so you would take me in. I just wanted to let you know I was back in Tates Creek.” My voice cracked.

“Nonsense. You’re family. Your mom was my best friend. She would kill me if I didn’t help you.” Jackie said firmly.

“What about Brian?” I rubbed Shane’s back. He was sleeping so peacefully.

“What about him? Neither of you will tell me what happened. I respect both of your wishes and won’t discuss it. I don’t understand it. I won’t leave you to live on the streets. You have a son to think about.”

“He’s adorable isn’t he?”

“He certainly is. Let’s go get your room ready. It’s good to have you back.” She gave me a hug.

“It’s good to be back.”

-------------------------

“What are you going to tell Brian?” Harold asked his wife.

“I don’t know. I was shocked when I opened the door and saw her on the porch.”

“She looks so fragile and lost. She’s not the same Josie. It’s hard to believe she’s a mom.”

“Something’s up. She’s not ready to talk yet. We have to give her time. Shane is adorable with his dirty blonde hair and blue eyes.” She put the dishes in the sink.

“Do you think he’s Brian’s?” Harold asked seriously.

“I don’t think so. They were best friends, not lovers.” Jackie looked at her husband.

“I think they loved each other more than we think. They were so close, then all of sudden they hated each other. Then she ran away. Shane has his eyes and the Littrell nose.”

“But why wouldn’t she have told Brian? You know he would take responsibility for his child.” Jackie’s eyes were filled with worry. She was more confused than ever.

“We’re just going to have to give it time. I think there is more to this situation. I bet it has a lot to do with their falling out.”

I stood at the doorway listening to Jackie and Harold. I knew they were curious about everything. I didn’t have the heart to tell them the truth. It would disappoint them, and at this moment I didn’t need anyone else hating me. All I would have left is my son.

I slowly walked into the kitchen. “Is there anything I can do to help out? Shane fell asleep instantly. He was exhausted from the trip.”

“Everything is under control. You could enlighten us about your misunderstanding with Brian.” Jackie prodded.

I sat at the table with my head hanging down. I couldn’t look at Brian’s parents. They would never understand what happened between us. After all these years I thought he would have told them. Then again, he was embarrassed about what happened that night three years ago.

“Jackie let her be. She’ll talk when she’s ready.” Harold admonished his wife. I looked up at him and gave him a half smile.

“I didn’t mean to pry. I just don’t understand what happened. You were the best of friends, and then something happened. You know he misses you.”

“I highly doubt that. We both grew up and changed. It was time to go our separate ways. I’m sorry, Jackie. I never meant for it to happen. Just to let you know it was all my fault.” I got on my feet and left the room. There was no way I could explain how much I loved her son.

Brian drove up the driveway and turned the ignition off.  It was good to be in Kentucky. His parents didn’t know he was coming to visit. He had to get away from Florida. There were too many memories he didn’t want to relive at the moment. Kentucky was his only choice to regain what he had lost. Home was the place where any problem was made better.

He got out of his BMW and headed to the house. Brian felt the trepidation slowly fading from his body.  He opened the door.

“Hello! Is anyone home?” He yelled loudly. Quickly he took his shoes off and made his way into the kitchen.

“Brian, what a surprise! I didn’t know you were coming to visit.” She was carrying a toddler on her hip.

“I wanted to surprise you. Who’s this cutie?” He placed a kiss on his mother’s cheek.

“This is Shane. Say hi Shane.”

The little boy hid his head in Jackie’s neck. How was she going to tell Brian that Josie was back and living in his bedroom?

“Let me go put my bags in my room. I’ll be back.” Brian left before she had a chance to say anything.

Quickly she took the stairs two by two. She knew Brian was going to be confused.

“Mom who’s staying here?”

“About that Brian. It’s kind of complicated.”

Brian didn’t want or need any other complications in his life at the moment. That is why he came to Kentucky. He wanted to simplify his life and get over the pain he was feeling.

“Okay, mom. What is going on?” He stood against the wall of his childhood room.

“We have another visitor here.” She set the little boy down. He walked over to the little bear and sat down.

“Who?” He said sharply. His head was pounding.

“Well…umm…you see…”

“Stop beating around the bush. Why are you so afraid to tell me?” He interrupted.

“Josie’s back.” Brian inwardly flinched. Jackie could see the pained look on his face.

Brian hadn’t seen her since the morning she left the tour. They had a big fight and as always she ran away. That time was different she didn’t come back like she usually did. He hadn’t seen or heard from her in three years. This wasn’t going to be a peaceful, relaxing trip after all.

“Where is she?”

“Josie’s at work.”

“Why is she staying with you?” Brian felt himself choke up. He started to cough.

“About two weeks ago, she came back and had nowhere to stay. I couldn’t let her sleep on the streets.” Jackie sat on the bed where Shane had cuddled up with his bear.

“Is that…her…her…son?” He whispered with barely a sound.

“Yes, Shane Thomas is her son.”

“How old is he?”

“Two.”

Panic coursed through Brian’s body. Could it be? He wasn’t sure. Shane was adorable. He looked nothing like Josie. He was the spitting image of, no it couldn’t be. Why wouldn’t she tell him? How was he going to face her?

Jackie noticed the cloudy look in her son’s eyes. Her statement put him in a daze. “Brian are you alright?”

“I’m fine. I need to get out of here for a while. I’ll be back.” He rushed out.

-----------------

Brian found himself sitting at the park where he spent most of his childhood playing.

Life wasn’t fair. Things just kept getting worser him. The breakup with Natasha practically killed him. He thought they would be together forever. He was getting ready to ask her for her hand in marriage. Instead she broke his heart by cheating on him with a close friend.  So not only did he lose the woman he loved, he lost a good friend.

Now Josie was back in his life. After three years it was going to be hard to speak to her. When she left things were unsettled. He wanted to resolve them, but she was a coward and left.

They had been best friends since kindergarten. He had shared everything with Josie. He had supported all of her dreams. She was there for every honor and special moment in his life. The last three years without her had been torture. He kept a lot of it to himself. No one would understand the way he felt. Nick, his best friend knew some of what transpired that day three years ago. He did share his feelings with him, but the younger guy kept telling him to get over it and move on. His heart wouldn’t let him.

Shane. That little boy looked just like him. Could he be his son? What were the odds? Why would she not tell him that he was a father? The Josie he knew would never not tell someone something so important. It saddened him to know that he might have lost two years of his son’s life? Brian knew he was jumping to conclusions. Who knew what Josie was up to after she ran from him? He didn’t think of her as that type of woman, but people changed.

What was he going to say to her when he saw her? He couldn’t go back and pretend nothing happened. He was affected by the actions of that one night, even if he wouldn’t admit it to himself.

--------------------------

I walked into the kitchen where Jackie was feeding Shane.

“Hi Shane.” I gave him a kiss. “How was he today?”

“Shane is an angel like always.”

“Mama…I miss you.”  He smiled at me. My heart melted.

Things were starting to get better. I had a job at Wal-mart. It wasn’t what I had envisioned myself doing, but it would pay the bills. Back in college, I thought I would become nurse. Oh, how things changed.

“I miss you lots.” I turned to Jackie. “Thanks for all your help. I couldn’t do it without you.”

“It’s no problem. You’re family. I adore Shane. I need to tell you something. You may not be thrilled about this.” Jackie said seriously. I was nervous about what she wanted to tell me.

The door to the kitchen opened and the one man I never wanted to see appeared.

“Josie.”

“Brian.”

As soon as I saw Brian, my mind started to freak out. I couldn’t be in the same room with him. I brushed past him and ran upstairs.

Quickly, I started putting all of mine and Shane’s belongings into a bag. There was no way possible I could stay in the same house with Brian. It just wouldn’t work. My life was starting to fall into place and now everything was crumbling around me. One man had enough power to change the course of my little world again.

When I got downstairs, I went into the kitchen to get Shane.

Jackie looked at me holding my bags.

“Jackie thank you for your hospitality. Shane and I have overstayed our welcome. I appreciate everything you have done for us. Someday I will repay you.” I picked Shane up and head toward the front door.

“Brian Thomas, you need to stop her. She has no place to go. Think about Shane.” Jackie yelled at her son.

Brian hurried out of the house. What was he going to say to her? He knew she wouldn’t stay. It was all because of him. Once again he was messing up Josie’s life.

“Wait up. Don’t leave.” He ran to the edge of the yard where I was sitting.

I didn’t make it very far. Where was I going to go? I held Shane in my lap. He was hugging his favorite bear. It was one that Brian had given me on my twenty first birthday. Shane had clung to that bear since he was a baby. Even he realized how special Brian was without even knowing him.

“Does it look like I’m going anywhere?” I yelled angrily at Brian. I didn’t want to face him. Three years was to long of a time to do this.

“Josie Fitzgerald, you’re impossible. You always have to be dramatic. Get the hell back in the house before my mom blames me for you leaving.”

“Watch your language Littrell. My son doesn’t need to hear you cussing.”

“Fine, I will take him inside, but you are not leaving.” Brian took Shane and carried him to the house.

This gave me a few minutes to think about what the hell I was going to say to him. I wanted to give him a piece of my mind. He deserved to have his ass kicked.

Brian ran back down to where I was sitting. He plopped down next to me. Neither one of us was willing to make the first move. I sat with my chin on my knees, attempting to pretend that he wasn’t sitting close to me. I could smell his cologne and it made me think of that night so long ago.

“Would you just leave? You don’t have to sit by me. Go visit your mother.”

“I can’t do that.” He said matter of factly.

“I hate you.”

“No you don’t Josie Posy.” He scooted closer to me.

“Don’t. You have no right to call me that. In fact you have no right to even talk to me.”

“Josie, I’m sorry about what happened. I never meant to hurt you. Can’t we just move on?” Brian pleaded.

“How can you say that? You hurt me and I can’t move on. You ruined my life Brian. After that night my life changed. You had a great career, a perfect girlfriend, and a million people that loved you. I had nothing. I lost everything I cared about. You still have the perfect life. I’m struggling to provide for my son. There are days I feel like I can’t do that. You’ve never had to feel that way. So, don’t tell me to move on.” I punched him in the arm.

“Oww! You didn’t have to hit me. Why are you such a bitch? Women, I can’t take it anymore. You act like my life is perfect. It’s far from that. I’m trying to pickup the pieces of my life. You are not the only one with problems. Don’t go blaming me.” Brian stood up.

I stood up. I wasn’t letting him leave. “There you go again, Littrell. You always have to leave instead of facing up to the situation. Aren’t you ever going to grow up?”

“When did you become so bitter?” He glared at me.

Did he really not know the answer to his question? Was he so blind to not realize after all these years?

“When I fell in love with you.” I barely murmured. I ran to the house and went inside. Brian stood there dumbfounded.

-----------------------------------

(Flashback)

“It doesn’t have to be this way.” He gently grabbed my arm.

“Brian what choice do you leave me? You can’t have it all.” I removed my arm from his. I did not want him touching me.

“It was never supposed to happen.”

“I fucking get that. How many times have you told me? I get it. You don’t want me. I mean nothing to you. You have a girlfriend. No one wants me. Stop throwing it in my face.” I screamed in his face.

Nick walked into the room. “Is everything okay?” He looked at me.

 I looked like shit. My dark curly hair was everywhere. Mascara ran down my already splotchy face. I was wrapped up in a sheet. I could just imagine what Nick was thinking.

“Everything is sunshine and rainbows. Excuse me, I need to get dressed. I quickly grabbed my dress and made my way to the bathroom.

“What did you do?” Nick sat on the bed and then quickly got up.

“Why are you assuming it’s my fault?”

“Well, when I walk in and see a girl wearing nothing but a sheet screaming at you and clothes scattered throughout the room, I figure something happened. Did you sleep with her?”

“I thought you were so smart. Yes, I slept with her. It was a mistake.”

“Brian, what were you thinking? Josie is so in love with you and you act like you didn’t know. You are getting married in three weeks to the love of your life. What the hell?”

“I don’t know man. I got to get out of here.” Brian grabbed his room key and walked out leaving Nick standing there in amazement.

I sat at the table eating breakfast with Shane. Today was my day off. I planned to spend the day at the park with Shane. The sun was shining and the weather was getting warmer. It was the perfect day to spend outside.

“Ma…ma…I…wuv…yoo.” Shane blew me kisses and smiled.

“And your mommy loves you.” I put a few slices of banana on his plate. He started to eat them.

As I was putting milk on my cereal, Brian walked into the dining room.

“Good morning Josie.” He said unemotionally.

“Morning.” I was going to be civil towards Brian in front of my child. Shane didn’t need to see me at my worse.

“Who’s this little fellow?” Brian took the chair right next to Shane.

“This is Shane. Say good morning Shane.” I prodded him.

He looked at Brian curiously. Then he smiled and waved.

“He’s a cutie. Where’s his father?” Brian looked at me. His eyes were burning a hole through me.

“Not in the picture.” I said quietly. I gave Shane a few more slices of bananas and a handful of Cheerios.

“Tank you.” He blew me another kiss. I gave him one back.

“Does he know about Shane?”

I glared at Brian. Why did he care so much about Shane? He had just met my son. My personal life was none of his business. Shane was none of his business. I wish he would just leave me alone. I wanted nothing to do with him. Didn’t he get that?

“Brian, stay out of my life. Shane is my son to worry about. I don’t need you butting in and causing more trouble in my life.” I used all my strength to answer that question.

“Is he mine?” Brian asked frankly.

“Brian what would give you that idea?” I asked incredulously. I did not want to have this conversation right now.

“The numbers just kind of add up to that night.”

“Don’t act like you’re that special. Maybe I’m as bad as you and sleep with multiple people within days. Then I would truly be the nasty person you think I am.  Shane is not your child. You don’t have to worry about using your money to support him.” I quickly wiped Shane’s hands with a rag and scooped him up.

Brian sat there pissed off. He knew something was off with Josie’s answer. Josie was too pissed to be telling the truth. He was going to find out who Shane’s dad was.

------------------------

I sat next to the sandbox as Shane played with inside. He was enjoying himself and didn’t have a care in the world. His mother on the other hand, I had too many cares to worry about. My mind was on the past, where it usually was. I know I should have moved on, but somehow I couldn’t. I still didn’t have the closure I needed with Brian. Being the coward I was, I would probably never get that closure. I would rather live with my demons than face them. As long as I had my son, I didn’t need anything else in life.

(FLASHBACK)

“Nick, where’s Brian?” I asked shakily. Tears threatened to fall down my face. I really needed to talk to Brian.

“He should be in his room. Let me take you there. Is everything okay?” Nick took my hand in his and escorted me down the hall.

“Not really. I just need Brian.”

We stopped at room 1412. Nick continued walking down the hall. I quickly rapped on the door.

“Just a minute.” Brian called out.

When he opened the door, he pulled me in quickly. “What is it Josie?”

“Brian, everything is wrong.” The tears came gushing out of my eyes.

We walked over to the couch and sat down. Brian held me in his arms and let me cry into his shirt. I couldm't stop. I had so many tears to cry. My life was shattered.

“Aww baby. What’s the matter? I’m here to help you.” Brian rubbed my back.

“My mom passed away today.” I finally said the words.

“Josie, I’m so sorry. I know how close you were.”

“Brian, I can’t deal with it. I…didn’t…get…get…to…say…goodbye.” I sobbed. My mom had been sick with cancer off and on for the past six years. I had dropped out of college to take care of her. My mom was slowly starting getting better and sent me to see Brian. She wanted me to start living my life. “My brother called me just as I was getting my luggage. I feel so guilty.”

“Don’t. It’s not your fault. You told me your mom was getting better. She sent you out to visit me. Josie, your mom wanted you to be happy. Your mom knows you love her. You took care of her all these years. She realizes you sacrificed your goals and ambition to help her. The rest of your family didn’t do that. She knows you loved her.”

“Brian, thank you.” I sniffled. I wiped my nose on his shirt.

“Anything for you. When’s the funeral?”

“My brother said it will be on Thursday. Can you make it?” I looked up at him.

“Yes. I would miss a show if I had to.”

“Good. I don’t think I could make it through the funeral without you. I’m not that strong.” I said pitifully.

“You’re stronger than you think.”

We both sat together on the couch. Brian was holding me in his arms. I had never felt safer in my life.

----------------

“Hi…Bwi..an.” Shane’s comment pulled me back into reality.

I saw Brian sit down next to me. “What do you want?”

“Nothing. I was taking a walk and you the two of you sitting here.”

“Oh.” I didn’t know what else to say to him.

“Josie.”

“What?”

Brian sat beside me. I was waiting for him to say something. He started playing with the sand. Shane decided to pour sand over Brian’s hands. He thought it was funny and started to giggle. Brian joined in. It melted my heart.

“Brian, what did you want to say?”

“Umm…why did we have to grow up?”

“It’s life Brian. It’s what people do.”

“I know, but things changed between us as we got older.”

“Brian, you were my world. I thought the sun shined because of you. As we got older I cared about you in ways a best friend shouldn’t” I admitted. Those were feelings I never shared with him.

“Really? I was just some dorky guy.” He smiled at me. His blue eyes were twinkling in the sunshine. Brian didn’t realize the effect he had on me then and today.  Some things never changed.

“You were more than that.”

“I will love you more than that.”

“Don’t start singing your lyrics to me.” I teased.

“You hurt me Josie Posy.” He joked

“Yeah well the feelings mutual.” I said seriously. I couldn’t take anymore of his friendly banter. It was easier to stay mad at him than risk feeling rejected in the future.

“Come on. I’m trying to be nice here.”

“I don’t want you to be nice to me. Just leave me alone. It’s easier to not talk to you. Please respect my wishes.”  I said impolitely. I had to much contact with him today.

I started to place Shane’s toys in a bag.

“Don’t leave. Shane’s having too much fun. I’ll go.” He got up and walked away.

When would I get over loving him?

“I just saw your tweet. Why is your life hell?” Nick asked. He called Brian to see what was wrong.

“Everything.” Brian mumbled. He was not in the mood for a heart to heart with Nick. He just wanted to wallow in his pity. Brian was fine lounging around in bed all day.

“Well, that is certainly vague. Do you care to be more specific?”

“Since when did you start talking like a psychiatrist? Natasha left me for Josh.”

“That sucks ass. I know you really loved her.” Nick was trying to be sympathetic, but he never really liked Natasha. She just wasn’t right for Brian.

“I was going to ask her to marry me.”

“Do you want to play some basketball? Help get your mind off of things.”

“I’m in Kentucky. I needed to get away from it all, but that backfired.” Brian pushed the covers off him and stretched.

“Why? What happened?”

“When I came home, my mom had guests staying in my room. I can’t even relax or process all the shit I’m going through.”

“Who’s visiting?”

“You sure are nosy. Josie and her son, if you want to know.”

“Holy shit. That sucks balls. No wonder your life is hell. How is Jo Jo? She has a son?”

“You sure are nosy today.  She still hates me. Shane Thomas is two.” Brian answered morosely. He wanted more answers from her when it came to Shane.

“Interesting middle name. Is he yours?” Nick remembered the morning he walked into on the two of them fighting.

“What makes you think that?” Brian gulped.

“It makes sense with the timing of your fight. Brian you need to find out.”

There was a knock at the door. Brian walked over to open it. Shane stood there with his teddy bear in his arm.

“Good morning…Bwian. Yoo pway wif me?” Shane squeaked.

“Nick, I got to go.” He quickly hung up the phone. “Sure I’ll play with you.”

“Wet’s go, Bwian.” Shane grabbed his hand and pulled me into the hallway.

Shane took me into the living room. Blocks were scattered all over the floor. Shane placed his bear on the couch. Then he sat down by a pile of blocks.

“Yoo sit by me.”

Brian sat down next to the little boy. The both began stacking the blocks. Shane’s tower was getting bigger by the minute. He slowly stood up and placed a block on the top.

His mind started to wander. Nick’s words were haunting him. Is he yours?  You need to find out. He had tried talking to Josie about it, but she brushed him off. It seemed like any conversation about Shane’s father was off limits. Then again, Josie wanted nothing to do with him. He knew that he had mistreated her that night three years ago. Brian would go back in a heartbeat to change what happened. One amazing night cause him to lose his best friend. It was funny how one action could be engrained in your memory forever. It felt like only yesterday that he made love to Josie.

“Brian, earth to Brian.” Jackie said while giving her son a strange look.

“Sorry mom. I was lost in thought.”

“What’s the real reason you’re visiting? For the last three days you’ve hidden in your room. This isn't like you Brian.” She looked at him with love and concern.

“Natasha dumped me for another guy. The guy was a close friend of mine. Mom, I was going to ask her to marry me.”

“Brian, I’m so sorry. I’m sure you’re hurting. No one deserves to get hurt by two people they care about.”

“Yeah, that’s why I came up here. I needed time away from everything that reminded me of her.”

“Well, you don’t seem relaxed.”

“Mom, now I have the added pressure of Josie being around. It just brings a new set of complications back into my life.”

I had just stepped inside the house, when I heard Brian talking to his mom. I stayed in the foyer eavesdropping on a private conversation I had no right to hear. I couldn’t stop myself.

“I know it’s none of my business, but what happened between the two of you?” Jackie was certainly curious. After three years she still couldn’t figure out what went wrong.

“Gosh mom, it’s so complicated. I don’t even know where to begin. We got into a big argument.”

“I figured you had a fight. Why won’t either of you discuss it? I’ve never seen two people not want to work things out.”

Jackie just didn’t understand. This was more than just two best friends getting in a fight. We weren’t little kids. An apology wasn’t enough, at least in my book. I felt used by Brian that night. It made me feel dirty and unworthy of any man’s love. After that night my feelings toward men changed. I didn’t need one in my life. I was happy being alone.

“Mom it’s a little more complicated than you think. Some things can’t be fixed.” Brian sighed. He was not frustrated with his mom. His frustrations were with himself. That night meant more to him than he would have liked to admit.

“I think if you both stopped holding a grudge and talked about it, you could fix it.” Shane walked over and sat in Jackie’s lap.

“Mom, I’ve tried. Josie doesn’t want to hear it.”

“Maybe if you told me what happened, I can help.”

“Mom, thanks but no. It’s not something I care to talk about with my mother. I’d find myself rather embarrassed.”

Embarrassed. That’s what he thought about making love to me. Once again my heart felt broken in a million tiny pieces. I knew Brian regretted that night, but now I knew how much. I had to stop this conversation.

I walked into the living room. “Hey everyone!”

“Mommy. Bwi Bwi pwayed blocks wif me.” Shane smiled from Jackie’s lap.

“That was nice of him.” I smiled at Shane and Brian, even though I wanted to burst into tears. I could picture the two of them sitting on the floor together. It made me feel like a bad person for ruining everyone’s life. I don’t think I could go on much longer hurting the Littrell’s.

A half hour all to myself; it was the only peace I seemed to find at work. Thank goodness there was a McDonald’s in the Wal-Mart where I worked. I was craving french fries. I grabbed my tray and quickly found a small table to sit at. I was going to eat my lunch and read a book. It was nice to have a few minutes to myself.

“Can I sit with you?” Brian stood by the table.

“There are a bunch of empty tables.” I responded. I didn’t feel like being nice to him.

“I know…but…I kind of wanted to talk to you.”

“Sit down.” I looked at him. He was looking rather pathetic. He hadn’t shaved in a several days.

“I just wanted to apologize for being so rude. I came to Kentucky to lick my wounds. My girlfriend dumped me for one of my friends.”

“Is wasn’t Nick was it?”

“No. He would never do that to me.”

“Well, that’s good.” I always liked Nick. He never got jealous when Brian spent time with me. In fact we would spend time together when Brian was with Tiara.

“Yeah. I was going to ask her to marry me.” He said dully.  I could tell he was hurting and I felt bad.

“That sucks Brian. Why are you telling me this? It’s not like we’re friends.” I placed a french fry in my mouth.

“I just wanted to apologize for being an ass.” He looked at me. “I didn’t expect to see you at my parent’s house.”

“I’m sorry that I’ve cramped your style. I didn’t plan on living there. I had no place to go.” He didn’t realize what my life was like these past three years.

“Josie, what happened?” He asked with concern. It was like he was the old Brian again. I couldn’t look at his blue eyes.

I didn’t know if I could talk to him about my life. It wasn’t easy to tell him because it all led back to that night.

“Brian, I really don’t want to talk about it. There’s not enough time. I have to get back to work.” I scooted off my chair, grabbed my tray and left.

Brian sat at the table. Was Josie ever going to talk to him? He was trying to get past that night. Sure, he had many mistakes when it came to Josie, but he was trying to move on with her. He thought she needed to get over the past and move on to the future.

----------------------

“Thank you for helping me with the dishes.” Jackie placed the dried dishes in the cupboard.

“I don’t mind. It gives me time to think.”

“Josie, can we talk woman to woman?”

“Umm…sure…I guess.” I rinsed out the sink.

“Let’s go sit in the living room. Harold took Shane outside to play. Brian is still out.”

I followed Jackie into the living room. I found myself sitting in the cushy chair by the window. It had always been my favorite place to sit and daydream.

“What do you want to talk about?”

“You and Brian.”

“What about us?” I asked unsurely.

“What happened?” Jackie was attempting to fix a friendship that didn’t want to be fixed.

“That’s between me and Brian. It’s kind of personal.” I couldn’t let Jackie know how her son treated me. I didn’t want her to be disappointed in Brian.

“Brian said the same thing. I just wish you two were still friends. You were good for each other. I don’t ever remember him being as happy as when he was with you.” Jackie smiled thinking about the two of them.

“I doubt that. He was always happy when he was with Tiara. What happened with Tiara?” I was curious. They had gotten married, but it only lasted three months. They were so in love, I thought they would still be together.

“It just wasn’t meant to be. Tiara realized that she didn’t want to be married to someone who was never home. She wanted to settle down.”

“I find that hard to believe. She loved touring with Brian.” It made me wonder if she had found out about that night. She had never liked me. I think she was threatened by Brian’s relationship with me. 

“Things change when you get married. I’m sure you thought you would marry Shane’s father.” Jackie sat on the edge of the couch.

“Honestly, the thought never occurred to me. Unfortunately it was a one time thing. He doesn’t even know he has a son.”  I regretted it everyday. Shane deserved to know his daddy.

“Josie, I’m sorry. That had to be hard on you. Now you’re struggling to make it all work. I give you all the credit in the world. Shane is a wonderful little boy.”

“Thank you, Jackie. He’s the best thing that ever happened to me. Sure we have to struggle, but I wouldn’t want it any other way. He’s my life.” I beamed.

“Do you ever think about contacting his father?” Jackie probed. She was taking in all the information. I knew she was formulating a plan of some sort.

“Everyday. It sucks that Shane doesn’t have a daddy. All little boys need a dad in their life.  I just can’t do it to the guy. His life isn’t conducive to being a dad. Plus, I don’t think he would want anything to do with me. He made that perfectly clear.” I knew I had said too much. Anyone smart enough could put the pieces together.

“Then it’s his loss. Shane is a great child. Maybe you should contact this guy. You never know, he might have changed.” Jackie suggested.

“Maybe.”

“Mama, I cwaught the bwall.” Shane ran in the room and jumped on my lap. Harold followed behind.

“That’s awesome buddy. I think it’s time for a bath.” I tickled his side.

“O...K…mama.” I stood up.

“Jackie, it was nice talking to you. We’ll have to do it again. Now I got to get this dirty boy a bath.”

After I left Harold sat down next to his wife. They sat there a few minutes before Jackie spoke.

“I finally got to talk with Josie.”

“Did you find the information you wanted?” Harold teased his wife.

“Stop it.” She gave him a playful push. “I wasn’t hounding her. I just want to know what happened between her and Brian.”

“You need to let them work it out. They’re adults. Let them figure it out.” He pushed his glasses up on his nose.

“I know, but they both are so unhappy. I think they need each other more than they think. Josie told me that she had a fling with Shane’s dad and he doesn’t know about him. Do you think it’s one of Brian’s friends? Maybe Nick or AJ perhaps.”

“I really don’t think it’s our business. Shane looks nothing like Nick or AJ. Shane looks more like Brian. Think about Brian at that age.”

“Do you think Brian is Shane’s dad?” Jackie asked her husband curiously.

“Honestly?” She nodded her head.

“I want to know what you think.”

“I think Brian is Shane’s dad. It’s a gut feeling I've had since I saw him.”

“But why wouldn’t she tell him?” Jackie sat back against the couch.

“That I don’t know. We just have to let Josie figure it out. Maybe that’s why she came back home. You need to stay out of it.”

“Harold, how can I do that when you are putting ideas in my head?”

“All I can say is pray. You have to leave it in God’s hands.”

Jackie and Harold sat quietly on the couch. Both were consumed with thoughts about the current situations in their house.

Flashback

It was Kevin’s birthday, and we were meeting up at Club Temptress to celebrate. Even though he was no longer in the group, he still spent time with the guys. I was excited to see Kevin. I had known him since I was a little girl.

I was almost ready to go. All I had to do was get dressed and wait for Brian. I quickly put on my little black dress when I heard the door to my hotel room open.

“Hey Josie Posey. Are you ready?” Brian’s southern drawl wafted through the room.

I walked out of the bathroom smiling.

“Hey Brian. Let me get my shoes on.”

“Where did you get that sexy dress?”

“I wouldn’t let your fiancée hear you say that. I bought it when I went shopping with Nick. He helped me pick it out.” I teased, but was totally serious. Brian’s fiancée, Tiara was a bitch. She didn’t like me, and I didn’t like her.

“She’s not here so there’s no need for her to overhear.” He leaned against the wall.

“Where is she?” I slipped into a pair of knee high boots.

“She went back home. Tiara needed to meet with the bridal consultant.”

“I can’t believe you will be married in three weeks. You’re making me feel old.”

Brian looked at me. He didn’t look at me like I was his best friend. The haziness in his eyes was unreadable. It made me shiver.

“Not all of us are unromantic and don’t believe in marriage.” He shot back at me.

“I believe in romance, but marriage is another story. I’m not the only one who doesn’t believe in marriage. Nick said he’s never getting married either.” I grabbed my purse and headed to the door.

“Maybe you should stop hanging with Nick so much.” He countered as I lead him into the hallway.

“What about not hanging out with Nick?” Nick grinned at me. “Wow, you’re smoking hot tonight Josie. I’m glad you took my advice and got the dress.”

“Thanks Nick!”

We all walked to the elevator together.

------------------------------

The party was in full swing. Kevin and Kristin were on the dance floor. AJ was mackin’ on some poor helpless girl. Howie and Brian were sitting at a table having an in-depth conversation. Nick and I walked over to the table.

“What are you guys talking about?” I leaned against Brian.

“Nothing that concerns you.” Brian joked. I pinched his cheeks.

“That means you were talking about me. What did he say Howie?” I jumped around. I was feeling good from the fancy pink drink Nick bought me.

“I’m sworn to secrecy, Miss Jo. Brian would kill me if I told you.” Howie teased.

“Oh, Howard. You are such a wimp.” I scooted over to Nick and whispered in his ear. “I’ll get him to dance. Then he’ll tell me.”

Brian flicked me off. Howie and Nick cracked up laughing.

“No thank you Brian. You are so not my type.”

He grabbed me around my waist and pulled me closer.

“What’s your type?” He murmured in my ear, so only I could hear. His breath gave me chills down my spine.

“Wouldn’t you like to know? Dance with me.” I pulled him out of his seat and pulled him towards the crowd. Nick gave me a look, but I just waved at him.

The music had turned slow. Brian placed his hands gently on the small of my back. He was always a gentleman. My hands went around his neck. We swayed to the music.

“This feels good. You’re like the perfect height in those shoes.”

“It does feel good. It’s probably our last slow dance together. I want to enjoy being in your arms.” I inhaled his cologne. Suddenly, my mind was on other things.

“Just because I’m getting married doesn’t mean I can’t dance with you.”

“I don’t think Tiara would approve. She won’t let me near you once you say I do. I don’t blame her.” I whispered the last comment in his ear.

“Josie, you sure are flirty tonight.”

“I can’t help it Brian. Something about that cologne your wearing makes me want to flirt.” I reduced the space between us. I could feel Brian’s body against mine. This where I always dreamed I would be.

“Josie, you feel so good in my arms. Your body feels good pressed against mine.” Brian licked his lips slowly and his face moved closer to mine. Before either of us knew it, we were kissing. Not just a peck on the lips kissing. It was mind blowing, lip sucking, tongue dueling, let’s make love kissing.

“Oh my! Wow! Josie, do you know what you’re doing to me?” I shook my head. Brian took my hand and placed it on his erection.

“Brian, I never knew you were that kind of guy. You’re so bold tonight.”

“You do that do me Josie. I’ve wanted you for so long.”

“I’ve wanted you, too. What about Tiara?” I started to sway to the music.

“What about her? Can’t I have one night with you? It’s always been my dream since you developed into a woman.”

Brian had no clue what he was doing to me. I had been in love with him since I was fifteen. I knew this was the only chance I would ever get to make love to him. The repercussions were not even a thought in my mind. All I knew was I wanted Brian and this would be my only chance.

------------------

We left the club immediately and went back to Brian’s room. I didn’t remember the cab ride because I was so busy with Brian. Once we got inside, we stripped out of our clothes in a matter of five seconds.

Brian carefully placed me on the bed. He straddled my waist and started kissing his way down my body. He stopped at my breasts, kissing and fondling them. I was in pure ecstasy. Brian moved down to my stomach, placing butterfly kisses all over it. He moved closer to my womanhood.

“Bri…I…need…you…in…me…NOW!!!!” I purred.

-------------

I sat up straight in my bed. I had sweat beading down my face. I couldn’t believe I had dreamed about that night. The memory was fresh as if it had happened yesterday. It was the night that changed my life. One night with Brian was not enough. I loved him more now than I did that night.

It was the night that changed my life. It was the night that changed Brian’s night. Hell, he didn’t even know the impact of that night on his life. I was a coward. I couldn’t even tell him that we conceived a child that night. I couldn’t even tell him now that Shane was his son. I was a bad person.

I sat at the kitchen table going through mine and Shane’s important documents. Since we moved back to Kentucky I wanted to get things in order. In the fall I wanted to enroll Shane in preschool, so I knew I would need his birth certificate and other important documents.

“Hello Josie.” Brian said as he came in from outside.

“Hey Brian.” Even though I was cordial with Brian, deep down inside I was still angry.

“What are you doing?” He sat down across from me.

“Just going through some paperwork. I’m going to be enrolling Shane in preschool in the fall. I need to make sure I have the things I need.”

“That’s good. He’s a sweet kid. I think being with other children will help his shyness.” Brian commented.

“I agree. He hasn’t spent a lot of time with other kids. We’ve moved around a lot.” I started placing the papers back in the binder.

“Josie, why did you move around so much?” I looked at him. “You don’t have to tell me. I was just curious.”

“I didn’t have a lot of money and worked one dead end job after another. We had to keep moving because I couldn’t afford rent.”

“I’m sorry you had to go through all that.” Brian said sincerely. I knew he meant it.

How I wish things could be different between us. Brian was really trying to be friendly with me. I just couldn’t deal with it. How could he just forget what happened? I relived it every day. Every time I looked at Shane, it was a reminder of that horrible, yet magnificent night. Shane was the only good thing to come from that night.

I closed my binder and stood up to leave.

“Hey it’s the life I got dealt. Things are starting to work out. I have Shane and that’s all that matters.” I exited the room.

Brian sat at the table thinking about Josie’s life. He never thought she would end up that way. She always had so much potential, but life got in the way. She gave up college to take care of her mother. She was such a strong women.

He noticed that Josie left a paper on the table. He decided that he should give it to her so that it wouldn’t get lost. He quickly picked it up. It was Shane’s birth certificate. Shane Thomas Littrell. What the hell? Why did she give Shane his last name? Josephine Megan Fitzgerald was listed as the mother. Brian Thomas Littrell was listed as the father on the birth certificate. Why would Josie put his name down as the father? Shit, this wasn’t happening. Was he the father? Josie Fitzgerald had some explaining to do.

Brian marched upstairs to his bedroom. He didn’t even knock on the door.

“What are you doing in here?” I was changing my shirt.

“You forgot this.” He handed me the birth certificate. I turned away from him.

My worst feat was coming true. I didn’t want Brian to find out, especially this way. If felt like my heart stopped. Brian looked beyond pissed.

“What the hell, Josie? Do you care to explain?” He exploded.

Where did I begin? How did I explain it to him without hurting him?

“Brian you’re Shane’s dad.” I barely choked out.

“God damn it, Josie. Why didn’t you tell me?” He punched the wall.

“How was I supposed to tell you when you thought making love to me was a mistake? You made me feel like a trashy whore that morning. Did you really think I wanted to have anything to do with you?”

“He’s my child. Regardless of what you thought about me I deserved the right to know.” He hollered at me. I broke down and started to cry.

“Brian, he was the only part of you I had left. You were married when I found out I was pregnant. Did you really want me to breakup your marriage to Tiara?”

“I had a right to know. I’ve missed out on two years of my son’s life. I can’t get those back.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t do it on purpose. Every day of my life I had to relive that night. Do you know how that made me feel?” I sat on the bed.

“I don’t know and I really don’t care. All I care about is my son.”

“Thanks for telling me how you really feels about me.” I screamed. “It’s nice to know you care about me.”

“At this point I despise you. I can’t believe that you would keep my son away from me. That ends tonight. I am going to be in Shane’s life whether you like it or not.”

“I won’t stop you. But I will tell Shane when I am ready. I need a little time to figure out how to tell a two year that he has a dad. Please give me a couple weeks to work it out.”

“Fine you have two weeks to tell him. Until then I am going to spend time getting to know my son. Then we can work things out about visitation. Other than that I don’t want to have anything to do with you.” Brian stormed out.

I crumbled into a ball and bawled like a baby. My world was turning upside down. I made the mistake of coming back to Kentucky. Jackie and Harold were going to be disappointed in me and my decisions. I couldn’t blame them. I hid the fact that they had a grandson. My life was turning upside down. Normally I would runaway. This time I was defeated and had no where to go.

I sat on my favorite chair in the living room looking through the classifieds. I was looking for an apartment. I couldn’t continue to live with the Littrell’s. I would be able to afford a small apartment. Nothing fancy, but I didn’t need fancy.

Shane was taking a nap on the couch. He looked adorable with his butt in the air, hugging his bear. He looked so much like Brian.

Damn there was like one apartment I could afford. I threw the paper down on the coffee table.

“What time did you put Shane down for his nap?” Brian asked coldly.

“About fifteen minutes ago. Why?”

“I was just wondering.” He sat on the love seat. “Just trying to learn about my son.”

Brian knew how to make me feel guilty. Every time we were in the same room, he would purposely make digs at me. He didn’t care who was around. A few times his mother looked at him in shock at his comments. Apparently she didn’t know the truth yet.

“You can ignore me, but I’m not going away.”

“Whatever Brian. Could you please be quiet? I don’t want Shane to wake up. He needs his nap or he’ll be cranky the rest of the day.” I hissed quietly. He glared at me.

Jackie walked into the living room. She looked at us with that mother look. You know the look where your mom is going to make you talk about your problems.

“Could I see you both in the kitchen?” She said and walked out of the room.

“Great.’ I sighed. My head was starting to hurt.

“Shut up. You caused all of this. You know my mom wants us to be friends again. It won’t happen.”

“I don’t want to be your friend.” I pushed myself out of the chair and headed to the kitchen. I just wanted to get this friendship intervention over. Jackie meant well, but Brian hated me more than he ever did before.

-------------

“We’ve been sitting here for ten minutes and neither of you will talk. What is going on?”

Brian looked at me. I stared back at him. Neither of us was going to budge.

“This is ridiculous. You’ve been friends since you were in diapers. You can’t let an argument three years ago ruin a lifetime of friendship.” Jackie wiped her eyes.

I did feel bad that she was this upset with us. I never wanted to hurt her. She was like a second mom to me. Jackie was going to hate me when she found out the truth.

“Mom, don’t cry.” Brian patted her arm. “This has nothing to do with you. Things have happened to change my friendship with Josie. I thought I could get past it, but I recently found out some things that will never make me forgive her.”

Jackie looked at me.  What could I say? Brian had painted a bad picture of me. It wasn’t like she would take my side over Brian’s. I’ll be the first to admit that I did things that were unforgivable. I would never tell Brian that, but it was true. He had also done some unforgivable things. Neither of us were perfect. We both played a part in the blame game.

“Brian you act like you’re innocent. You are to blame as much as I am.” I said emotionally.

“Would you both stop playing the blame game? Instead of arguing about it, why don’t you get off your high horses and discuss it like rational adults.”

“Mom, you don’t get it.”

“Jackie, I’m sorry. This is the one time I agree with Brian. There is no way our friendship can be salvaged.”

“I’m shocked at both of you. I’ve never seen two people give up so quickly. I thought I knew both of you well enough. I guess I was wrong.”  Jackie was disappointed. Hell, I was disappointed in myself.

“Mom, you don’t get it. You don’t know what she’s done to me.” Brian pointed his finger at me.

“How would I know? Both of you are like Fort Knox. You keep it all to yourself.”

“Fine, you want to know. I’ll tell you.” He gave an evil smile.

“Shane is Brian’s son.” I blurted out.

“What?” Jackie’s eyes bulged out as she looked from Brian to me.

“Yes, I have a son that I just found out about three days ago.” Brian said through gritted teeth. I couldn’t look at Jackie.

“I don’t know what to say. I’m in shock. How did this happen?”

“I think we know how it happened. It was a mistake. Shane was the only good thing to come out of it.”  Tears started pouring out of my eyes.

“Would you stop crying? I’m so sick of the tears. You think it makes you look like the good guy. All of this is your fault.” He screamed.

“Brian Thomas Littrell. That is enough. I think you are just as much to blame. It takes two people to make a baby incase you forgot.”

Brian’s face fell. I knew he was upset with me.  I don’t think Jackie’s comments were helping the situation.

“Jackie, I understand if you want me to leave.”

“Josephine, you are going to stay here. I want to spend time with my grandson.”

“Yeah, he doesn’t even know we’re his family yet.” Brian commented under his breath.

“I’m going to tell him. He’s two years old. It’s going to be confusing.”

“Why can’t you tell him tonight?”

“Fine. Brian I will. Do you also want me to tell him to forget about me? You act like you don’t even want me in my son’s life. It’s like you want it to be you and Shane.”

“I would never do that. I’m not that kind of person. He needs BOTH parents. You’ve had him for two years. I’ve seen him for two weeks and didn’t know he was mine.”

“Are you insinuating that I’m that kind of person?”

“If the shoes fits.” He spat.

“Do you hear yourselves? I don’t think you should tell Shane anything until you get it together. He doesn’t need parents who are constantly down each other’s throat.” She admonished us. “I think you need to work your problems.”

Both of us sat there. Neither of us wanting to make the first move.

“Ma…ma…why…yoo…yelling at Bwi Bwi?” Shane was standing in the doorway, hugging his bear.

“Brian and your mommy are just talking really loud. Would you like to go to the park?” Jackie smiled at her grandson.

“Oh…kay.”

“I’ll leave you two here to figure your problems out. You need to realize what’s important.”

Jackie picked up Shane and left the kitchen.

Brian opened the door and saw his best friend standing on the porch. It was the first time he smiled in weeks.

“What the hell are you doing here?”

“After I saw your tweet your Twitter yesterday, I had no choice but to come.” Nick stepped inside.

“I’m glad to see you. My life has been hell the past few days.”

“What happened?”

“Where do I begin?”

The two men walked into the living room and sat down. Nick wanted to know what was going on between Josie and Brian.

“Things have been tense. Josie’s still causing problems for me. I never thought she would hurt me like this.”

“This is the best friend you fucked three weeks before your wedding. You’re so innocent in all this.” Nick commented sarcastically. He hated how Brian always placed the blame Josie. Neither was blameless in this situation.

“You on her side now?”

“I’m not going there Brian. Josie and I spent a lot of time together. You both mean a lot to me. I wish you both would get your heads out of your asses and realize what is there.”

“And what is that?” Brian asked. He wondered why Nick cared so much.

“You both are so in love with each other.”

“I’m not in love with her.” Brian scowled. What kind of drugs was Nick on?

“Bullshit. Anyways, what happened?”

“I was talking to Josie, trying to be nice. She had left a paper on the table, so I decided to give it to her. It was Shane’s birth certificate. I’m his father.” Brian gave Nick the condensed version.

“That doesn’t surprise me. I asked you that the last time we talked.”

“It pisses me off that she never told me. I missed two years of his life.” Brian closed his eyes. He was starting to get a headache.

“Did it ever occur to you to ask her why she kept him a secret?”

“No. I really don’t care why she did it. It was wrong of her to not tell me. He’s my son, too.” Brian was full of anger. The more he talked to Nick the madder he got.

“I can’t believe I’m telling you this. God she’s gonna kill me. Josie was in love with you. She would have done anything you asked.  The night before you broke her heart, Tiara had a talk with her.”

“About what?”

“She basically told Josie to stay away from you. Tiara said that once you got married you wouldn’t want her around. You didn’t even notice that Tiara was pushing you two apart. She was doing the same with me. Josie and I spent so much time together because Tiara kept you on a short leash.”

“That’s not true. Why would Tiara do that?’

“She was threatened by your relationship with Josie.”

“We were best friends and nothing more.” Brian sighed. Was he that blind to not see what was going on in front of him?

“I never looked at my best friend that way.” Nick thought Brian was acting like an ass.

“That doesn’t change things. I can’t stand to look at her. All I care about is my son.”

“Then you better get your head out of you ass. Do you really think your son deserves a dad that hates his mother? You really need to think about it.”

--------------------------

I just got home from work and all I wanted to do was take Shane to the park. It was the only time my life seemed normal. There was so much tension in the Littrell household. Brian hated me. I was mad at him. Jackie was emotional, but was a godsend. She was so good to Shane. I knew that she loved him instantly. Harold kept quiet. I knew he was trying to stay out of it.

I heard Brian and another voice in the living room laughing. It was nice to hear him sounding happy. As much I as hated Brian at the moment, I could never really hate him.

I quietly walked into the living room hoping to go unnoticed, but when I saw who was sitting on the couch I screamed.

“Nick!!!”

He stood up and gave me a hug.

“How’s it going Jo-Jo?”

“It’s going. I can’t believe I haven’t seen you in three years. You’re still hot as hell.” I giggled.

Brian tensed up at the reunion. He didn’t like the way Nick was so touchy feely with Josie. Nick had his arm wrapped around my waist.

“And you my dear are even more gorgeous. Those three years have done you well. I hear you have a little boy. I can’t wait to meet him.”

“Nick, you flatter me to much. Shane Thomas will be home soon. He’s at the grocery store with Jackie.”

“I bet he’s as adorable as his mom.”  I smiled at him. It was good to see Nick. He was such a good friend to me.

“He’s the love of my life.”  I noticed that Brian was glaring at us. “I’m off to take a shower.”

“Can I join you?” He teased.

“In your dreams Carter.” I swayed my butt as I walked out of the room. I knew Nick would laugh and it would piss off Brian.

Brian glowered at Nick as he sat back down.

“What the matter Bri? You looked pissed off.”

“I can’t believe the way you were all over her.”

“I detect a bit of jealousy.” Nick grinned at his friend. This is what he wanted to see from Brian. He was going to help Brian realize that he was totally in love with Josie.

“There’s no jealousy. You just annoy me. You’re my best friend and you are all friendly with Josie.” Brian complained.

“What are we in grade school? I can’t believe that you are that jealous that I gave a friend a hug. Listen to yourself. You need to realize what everyone else does. You’re in love with her. I’m out of here. I’ll be back tomorrow.” Nick left Brian to his thoughts.

After Nick left, Brian stretched out on the couch. He thought about the things Nick said to him. Sure, he cared for Josie as friend or maybe a sister. Well, not a sister. You would never sleep with your sister. He thought about Tiara, but he never really thought about how she put a distance between them. What else did Nick know? He had a lot of questions and prayed that Nick had the answers. He was more confused than ever. Brian was still furious with Josie. Nick’s words couldn’t change that.

Shane was playing in his kiddie pool. He was happily playing with his water toys. Nick and I were sitting next to the pool enjoying the sunshine.

“He’s adorable, Josie. He’s so much like Bri.” Nick was amazed how much Shane was like Brian even though they never spent time together.

“I know.” I said sadly. I was getting tired of Brian’s attitude toward me. All he did was insult me, especially in front of other people. I tried to ignore it, but it was getting harder.

“How’s Brian been treating you?”

“Like crap. He tries finding little digs to hurt me. How can we be parents together if we can’t get along?”

“You both need to come together for Shane.”

I watched my son as he dumped a bucket of water on his head and chuckled. He was having too much fun. It put a smile on my face.

“Sometimes I wish I had gotten pregnant with you. At least I know you would have been there for me. You wouldn’t spread lies. You wouldn’t act like I’m horrible.” I sighed.

“We did have some good times together.” Nick smirked, remembering the nights we spent together.

“You two slept with each other?” Brian asked in disbelief.

I turned my head and saw him standing behind us.

“What are you eavesdropping again? Nick and I were having a private conversation.” I avoided his question.

“Did you sleep with Nick?” Brian growled.

“My sexual history is none of your business.” I stood up.

“I want an answer, Josie.”

“Leave me alone.” I hissed. I didn’t want to have this conversation with Brian.

“I’m not dropping the subject. How many Backstreet Boys have you fucked?”

“Well when you put it that way, there was the one time with AJ and Howie. Another time with Howie. At least a dozen times with Nick, and how could I forget a blow job for Kevin.” I replied calmly. Brian looked at me like he didn’t know if I was telling the truth or not. I wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of letting him know either way.

“Josie you better tell me. I want to know. You better tell me now.” Brian’s nostrils were flaring. I knew he was furious with me, but I didn’t care.

“I’m going to take Shane inside for lunch and a nap. I think you should talk.” Nick grabbed the towel and went over to get Shane. Then he quickly went in the house.

“Why is it so important for you to know who I’ve slept with? It’s not like we’ve ever been together.” I sat down on the grass. Brian sat down next to me.

“I don’t like you sleeping with my friends.”

“Why are you jealous?” I countered.

“No.”

“Then it shouldn’t matter if I slept with Nick.”

“You’re both my best friends. When did this happen?” He questioned.

I pulled my knees up to my chin and hugged them. I always did this when I was nervous or upset.

“Brian, you were always busy with Tiara. You kept pushing us aside to spend all your time with her. Nick and I started hanging out. We were both lonely and sex kind of just happened.”

“Was it a one time thing or…” Brian sounded extremely nervous.

“Umm…it was…umm...more than…umm once.”

“Oh.”

“Brian it was purely physical. There were no emotions involved.”

I looked at him. For the first time Brian looked sad. Was he really that upset that I had sex with Nick? He didn’t want me in that way, so why did he care about it.

“Were you sleeping with him at the same time we you know?” Brian looked me in the eyes.

“No. He was dating Kelcie at the time. We didn’t have sex when we were dating someone. Plus I was in love with someone else.”

Brian didn’t say anything. For a few minutes both of us were lost in our thoughts. I had one question I needed him to answer.

“Why did you sleep with me that night?”

“Josie, that night there was something different about you. You looked unbelievable in that little black dress. When we were dancing I felt something between us. I should have never acted on it. I was getting married. What kind of man would do that to his future wife?”

“Do you regret that night?” I don’t know why I asked him that. His every action showed that he did.

“Yes and no.”

“Could you explain that to me?” I whispered.

“I regret it because I betrayed Tiara. Then I pretended like it never happen. She still doesn’t know what happened. I couldn’t bear to tell her. I think that’s why our marriage didn’t last.”

“Brian, I’m sorry you had to live with that regret.”

“That means a lot to me. Do you regret it?”

“I regret losing my best friend. I don’t regret it because I got Shane out of that night.” I answered honestly. “It was the best night of my life.”

“Really? I was better than the infamous Nick Carter!” He said in mock surprise. I gave him a quick shove in the arm.

“Don’t let Carter now, but you’re the best I ever had.”

“I’m better than Nick Carter! I’m better than Nick Carter!” He sang for all the neighbors to hear.

“You sure are conceited.” I smacked him in the arm. He scooted closer to me. His face moved closer to mine. Our lips were almost touching. Slowly he placed his lips on mine. My mind was lost in the moment. Within a minute he broke the kiss.

“I shouldn’t have done that. I don’t want to mislead you.”

“Brian, whatever. You keep leading me on. Either you want me or you don’t.” I stood up.

“Josie, I’m sorry. I don’t know what made me kiss you. It won’t happen again. My life is upside down at the moment. I want to get to get to know my son better. I promise to be civil with you. I don’t want Shane to think we hate each other. I don’t hate you. I’m angry with you, and we need to talk about things.”

“Fine Brian.” I walked towards that house. My one wish was that he would love me as much as I loved him.

Dealing with Brian was getting easier. He wasn’t saying rude things about me anymore, but he wasn’t very friendly. I was letting him spend time alone with Shane. They got along great and were so much alike.

I knew it was wrong of me to not tell Brian about his son. Shane seemed happy to have Brian in his life. Hopefully he would be excited when he found out that Brian was his daddy.

“Momma, how many days til my birfthday?” Shane asked as he ate his lunch.

“Well your birthday is on July 5. So that means your birthday is in six days. We’ll celebrate the Fourth of July the day before your birthday.”

“What’s that?” He scrunched his face up.

“It’s the day we celebrate America’s birthday.” I explained to him.

“Oh.” He munched on an apple.

“What would you like to do for your birthday?” I asked. As of today, I still didn’t have any plans for his birthday.

“I wunna have a part-tay wif mommy, Bwian, Nicksey, Miss Jacksie, and Mr. Har Old.” He giggled.

“I think that would be excellent. Is there anything special you want for your birthday?”

“Hmmm.” He sat there thinking, blowing his nostrils out. It was such a Brian action. “I know. I want a daddy. He needs to be fwunny like Bwi Bwi.”

“Well, I’ll see what I can do.” My heart broke into a million pieces.

I notice Brian standing in the doorway. The look on his face told me heard what Shane asked for. Quietly, he walked over and sat down at the table.

“Hey Shane.” Brian ruffled his hair. “Hello Josie.”

“Hi Bwian. You want an apple?” He gave a slice to Brian.

“Thanks kiddo. So, I hear you have a birthday coming up?”

“I’ll be thwee.” He held up three fingers.

“Wow, you’re such a big boy.” Brian chewed his apple slice.

“I done mommy. Can I go play?”

“Let me wipe your hands.” I placed his hands in the rag and wiped the stickiness off of them. He jumped off his seat and ran off towards the living room.

I started clearing off the table, but actually I was trying to ignore Brian.

“Sit down.”

“Brian, I need to clean this up.”

“It can wait.” He grabbed my hand. I slowly sat down.

I stared at him waiting for him to speak. He just stared back. I hated when he acted this way. Couldn’t he just tell me what he wanted? Did he have to be so dramatic everything we tried to have a conversation?

“Are you going to speak or do I have to read you mind?”

“I heard what Shane said. What are we going to do about?”

“I want him to know you’re his daddy, but I don’t think his birthday is the right day.”

“I agree with you. I don’t want the focus of his special day to be me.”

“Wow! I’m shocked. We both agree on something.” I almost fell out of my chair. Did Brian Littrell actually agree with me? It was going to snow on Fourth of July.

“It’s amazing isn’t it? We finally made a parental decision together.” He smiled at me.

“I’ll admit it’s getting easier doing this with you.”

“I don’t want to hate you. The last week I’ve done a lot of thinking. I made a lot of mistakes when it came to us. It didn’t start the night we had sex.”

“Really?”

“Yes, Josie. I’m not the asshole you’ve made me out to be. We both made mistakes. It’s time we work through them for Shane’s sake.”

“That’s all I want is for Shane to have parents that get along.” I told him honestly. I wanted so much more from Brian. I wanted to hear how that night meant everything to him and that he was in love with me. It would never happen, but a girl could dream.

“I think we have a lot of unresolved issues.”

“We need to talk about them. In order to move towards the future we need to resolve our past.”

“Maybe we can get away from here one evening and go talk.”

“That would be good.”

------------------------------

Nick was dribbling the basketball as Brian was learning against the fence. They were spending the afternoon playing ball.

“How are things in the Littrell household?”

“Okay.”

“Really, you and Josie haven’t killed each other yet?” He smirked. Nick thought it was hilarious how Brian and Josie fought all the time. He could not believe how oblivious Brian was. Didn’t he realize that love and hate were almost the exact same emotion?

“We’re trying to get along for Shane’s sake.”

“I think that’s wonderful.” Nick smiled a toothy grin.

“Why the hell do you care so much?” Brian questioned his best friend, as he sat down on the ground.

“God, Brian don’t you realize what is right in front of you?”

“Apparently I don’t, but I bet you’re going to tell me.” He sighed in annoyance. Brian was getting sick of Nick’s attempt of trying to fix this situation.

“You’re damn right I’m going to tell you.” Nick flopped down by his friend. “Before all of this crap happened, who was the one person that was by your side?”

“Josie.”

“When did things start to change between you and Jo-Jo?”

Brian thought about it for a few minutes. He needed to be honest with himself.

“Things started to change after her mother’s funeral.”

“Brian that was two years before you slept with her. What changed?”

“I don’t know. I guess I started seeing her differently.” Brian was giving Nick vague answers.

“Could you be more specific?”

“When we cuddled, it felt different. The way she looked at me was different. At the time I couldn’t put my finger on it. I was just starting to date Tiara. Things were complicated.”

“Was it a good different of a bad different?”

“Well it wasn’t bad.” Brian shifted uncomfortably. “It was nothing I had ever felt with Josie. Hell, it was nothing I felt with any girl.”

“You’re so blind, man. You were in love with her then and you didn’t even realize it.”

“How could I be in love with my best friend?”

“How could you not? You’ve known each other forever. Josie knows you better than you know yourself. You complete each other better than any two people I’ve met. Hell, you’ve always looked at her differently than any girl you dated.”

“I don’t know what to say.”

“Brian, just think about your feelings when it comes to Josie. Let your heart guide you.”

“Let’s get out of here.  I have some thinking I need to do.”

Brian sat down across from me in the booth. We decided to go somewhere neutral to talk. I suggested a public place, so that we wouldn’t fight. I wanted to discuss things like rational adults.

We quickly ordered our food. Both of us sat silently staring at each other. I didn’t even know where to begin. Apparently Brian didn’t either.

“Are we going to stare at each other all night?” Brian asked me.

“Well as much as I like the view, I think we need to get things out in the open.”

“ I am that cute, aren’t I?” He teased and threw his straw wrapper at me.

“You think highly of yourself.” I commented with a tsk.

“Anyways.”

“What happened between us?” I had to be strong. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to know the truth.

“That’s a huge question. Can’t you start with something smaller?”

“Fine Brian. Why did you sleep with me?” I asked sharply.

“Josie, seeing you in that dress being all flirty made me feel things.” He paused. “You stirred something within me that I hadn’t felt in a long time.”

“But you were getting married. You were so in love with Tiara, but yet you slept with me. I really don’t get that.”

“You didn’t say no that night. I loved Tiara, but that night you brought something out of me. It was like I woke up and suddenly saw the world differently.”

“Bri, I was the same girl you knew your whole life. I didn’t change.”

He looked at me in disbelief. Brian was the one who changed.

“You don’t even get it. Josie, things changed before that night.”

The waiter brought our food. We continued our discussion as we ate.

“I don’t understand.”

“Things started to change after your mom passed away.”

“How?” I gave him a puzzled look.

Brian stared at his plate in deep thought. I was baffled by our conversation. Brian wasn’t making any sense to me. I hope he would be able to help me understand.

“Every time we cuddled or were close, I felt something. I wasn’t sure what it meant. I know that you were dealing with a lot at the time and we spent more time together.”

“Were these feelings you ever had with someone else?

“No. I was dating Tiara at the time. My feelings for you were changing. I was trying to figure it all out.”

“How long did those feelings last?” I took a sip of my drink.

“I don’t think they’ve gone away.”

“What?” I shrieked. “Then why do you always act like that night meant nothing. I’ve heard you say how embarrassing that night was. That hurts.”

He hung his head. Brian was pissed that I had called him out. I wanted to hear what he had to say. I just hoped that he was honest.

“I was embarrassed with how I treated you the next morning. I was an ass towards you. That’s what I regret the most.”

“You mean you don’t regret sleeping with me?”

“I did at first because I cheated on my fiancée. Who does that?” He took my hand in his. “When I woke up with you naked in my arms, I freaked out. I took it out on you. I was guilty of cheating.”

“That night was special. I’ve never had anyone make love to me like that. We spent the whole night making love, and it crushed me that you treated me that way.  Why didn’t you tell Tiara what happened?"

“I didn’t want her to hate me. I loved her, but now I realize that I wasn’t in love with her. I think I was using her to forget about you.” He smiled shyly at me.

“Brian, I’ve never known you to be that kind of guy.” I commented. Did I really know the real Brian?

“Josie, I’m not perfect. I didn’t mean to hurt you or Tiara. Nick has been helping me sort out my feelings. I didn’t come up with realization until about two days ago. I’ve been fooling myself for all these years. Now I know why all my relationships failed. I love you Josephine Fitzgerald.”

I just looked at Brian. I was too stunned to speak. I removed my hand from his.

“Are you going to say anything?”

Actually I wanted to smack him in the head. Did he really think because he uttered his devotion to me that things were going to change? So what, he loved me. That didn’t mean anything had changed between us. Hell he could be telling me this so that he could get closer to Shane. I just didn’t trust him.

I slid out of the booth and hurried out of the restaurant. I grabbed my cell phone out of my purse and called Nick.

“Hello!”

“Nick, can you come pick me up?” Tears started falling down my face.

“Sure, Jo-Jo. What’s wrong?”

“I don’t want to talk about it. Just come get me. I’m at the Pizza Hut near Wal-Mart.”

“I’ll be there in ten minutes.” Brian walked over to me. “Leave me alone Brian.”

“Is Brian with you?”

“Yes, Nick. Just get here quick.” I ended the call.

“Why are you crying? I thought you would be happy that I love you.” Brian attempted to hug me.

“Don’t touch me. I want you to leave me alone.” I yelled through my tears.

“I can’t win with you. You’re in love with me, yet you don’t believe it when I say it.”

“I just find it funny that you would pick today to announce this. You haven’t shown me once since you’ve been in Kentucky that you love me. Then today you’re like I love you. I’m sorry if I don’t believe you.” I started to walk away from him.

“I just fucking realized it. Do think this is easy on me? No matter what I do, it’s wrong. Why do you run every time something is hard?”

“Brian, you’ve hurt me. I don’t trust you.”

The next thing I know Brian pulled me into his arms and kissed me hard on the lips. His tongue quickly entered my mouth. I got lost in his kiss, until I heard a car pull up next to us. I pushed Brian away.

“Don’t ever kiss me again Brian. I’m done with you for now. We are Shane’s parents, but that’s where our relationship ends. I will get along for the sake of our son, but I can’t be anything else. I’m sorry.”

I opened the door and slid into Nick’s car. He pulled out of the parking lot. My heart was shattered.

Nick took me to his hotel room. There was no way I could go home and face Brian. I needed time to think. My mind was full of confusion. I sprawled out on the bed and was staring at the ceiling. Nick was sitting on the desk chair waiting for me to talk.

“Why would Brian say that to me?” I mumbled to myself.

“What happened?” Nick came over and laid next to me on the bed.

“He told me he loved me. I told him I didn’t believe him. After the way he’s treated me, I know it’s not true.”

“Why don’t you think it’s true?”

“Would your treat the woman you love the way Brian has treated me? He said things changed years ago, and yet that’s when he started treating me like crap.” I started to tear up again.

“I wouldn’t treat anyone I loved that way, but I think Brian was clueless about his feelings. I don’t agree with the way he handle it, but I know he loves you.”

“Nick, I know you’re trying to get us together, but you are wasting your time. It’s not going to work out between us. I see us getting along as parents but nothing else.”

“Jo-Jo, you’re such a liar. You know you love Brian. Deep down under that anger you’re thrilled he finally admitted that he loves you.”

“Actually, it’s a little too late in my book. I just don’t think love is enough.”

“Fine, keep lying to yourself.” Nick said frustrated. He was getting tired of Josie and Brian being stubborn. They were losing out on a good thing because of it.

“Nick, I’m not lying. I’ve just realized that Brian and I are not meant to be. I’ve changed. He’s changed. We’re not the same people. I love him and I always will, but maybe were not compatible".

“How will you know if you don’t give it a chance? You love him. He loves you, but both of you are afraid to actually take a chance.”

“Whatever. I’m done talking about it.” I got up and locked myself in the bathroom.

------------------------

Brian was sitting at the kitchen table when his mother walked in.

“You’re home early.” She put the tea kettle on. “Would you like some tea?’

“Yeah, things didn’t go as planned with Josie.” He sighed.

“You want to talk about?” Jackie took two cups out of the cupboard.

“I finally admitted to Josie that I love her and she didn’t believe me.”

“Sweetheart, she’s been hurt by you. Josie takes everything to heart. I bet she wasn’t expecting you to say that to her tonight. She doesn’t like surprises.”

“I know I hurt her. Everyday since it happened I’ve felt bad.  I can’t change things and every time I attempt to fix it she runs.”

“I’m assuming she ran tonight.” Jackie poured the water into the cups and handed one to her son. Then she sat down.

“Yes. It’s what she always does. She called Nick and had him pick her up. He wouldn’t even talk to me. I felt like the world’s biggest jerk.” Brian stirred his tea.

He didn’t realize how upset he really was about Josie running. Were things ever going to work out in his life? Would he ever be happy?  At first he thought he would be happily married to Tiara, and have lots of kids. When that didn’t work he moved on. Things were going great with Natasha, but even that relationship didn’t work out. He had nothing left. At times he felt broken. Maybe he was meant to live life alone. Brian didn’t want to be alone; he wanted to be loved by a woman. Not just any woman, he wanted to be loved by Josie.

“Nick’s just trying to be a good friend to both of you. He won’t pick sides. What did Josie say when you told her you love her?”

“She said that she didn’t believe me. That my actions didn’t show I loved her.” Brian cringed at his own words.

“You have been rude with her since you’ve been back. If I was her, I would have said the same thing.”

“Thanks, mom. That’s not what I wanted to hear.”

Jackie placed her hand on her son’s hand. She could see that he was upset. Deep in her heart she knew that Brian loved Josie.

“Brian, I’m not trying to upset you. Think about it, all you do is yell at her and say rude things. That’s not how you show people you care about them. I don’t expect you to buy her things or write her poetry, but a little respect goes a long way. How would you want her to treat you?”

“That’s the thing mom, she treats me like crap. I came to the realization that I loved her a few days ago. I was trying to be honest with her. No matter what I do, nothing is good enough.” Brian sunk down in his chair. He was feeling rather shitty about the whole incident.

“Well sitting here moping isn’t going to change things. I think you need to treat Josie with respect and kindness. Also I would go get her and bring her home.”

--------------------

Brian took his mom’s advice. He was standing outside Nick’s hotel room. He knocked on the door.

“Who is it?” Nick answered.

“Brian.”

“What do you want?”

“Let me in Nick. I need to talk to Josie.” Brian was getting annoyed with Nick’s questioning.

“She doesn’t want to talk to you.”

I muted the television, so I could hear Brian. I couldn’t believe he had shown up at the hotel looking for me.

“I don’t care. I need to talk to her.” His voice rose.

“She doesn’t” I covered Nick’s mouth.

“Brian what do you want to talk about? I don’t think we have anything to discuss.”

“Josie, I’m sorry for upsetting you tonight. I’m not sorry that I said it. I meant everything I said.” Brian paused. People in the hallway were giving him dirty looks. “Let me in before someone calls security.”

Nick looked at me as I started to walk towards the door. I quickly opened it and let him in.

“Nick could you leave us alone for a little bit?” Brian asked.

“You’re kicking me out of my room?” He nodded his head at Nick. “It’s a good thing I like you both. Call my cell when you’re down talking. No hanky panky in my bed.”

Nick quickly left Brian and me standing in the room.

“So let’s talk.” I sat down on the bed criss cross applesauce. Brian leaned against the wall.

“Josie, I’m sorry if I’ve been a jackass that last month. So much has changed for me. Seeing you brought back a lot of memories for me. Things I’ve tried to forget. You don’t deserve to be treated that way. I know I can’t take it back, but I’m sorry.” His apology was heartfelt. His eyes told me he was telling the truth.

“That means a lot to me. There are so many things I’m sorry about. You have every right to hate me. What I did to you is inexcusable.”

“What are we going to do?” Brian walked over and sat down next to me.

“I don’t know.” I looked into his eyes. They were full of love and lust.

His thumb brushed the lone tear from my check. Slowly he licked his lips. I knew he was going to kiss me. His face moved closer to mine, and he brought his hands to my face bringing me to his. Our lips pressed together, we kissed like lovers reunited. My hands were in his hair, and the distance between us closed. My mind seemed to forget anything negative about Brian. It only cared about his caresses and kisses. As he deepened the kiss…he slowly gently pushed me down on the bed. Then he was over top of me kissing my neck. It sent shivers up my spine.

“Let me make love to you Josie.” He murmured as his hands moved to my breast. He didn’t realize that I hadn’t been with anyone since the last time we were together.

“That was amazing Josie.” Brian ran his hand down my arm. It gave me chills.

We had just made love for the second time in our life. I have to say it was better than the first. Would the third time be even better? I really wanted to find out.

“Brian, you are the only one who makes me feel this way.” I placed a gentle kiss on his cheek.

“I want to be the only one to do it to you.” Brian said with kindness. I hoped he would keep this promise.

“Making love to you is great, but what happens tomorrow once we are fully dressed and dealing with our issues?” I didn’t want to ruin the moment, but I was always thinking of the future.

“We’re going to work it out. We’ll take it slow.” He paused and moved his hands toward my center. “Let’s worry about that tomorrow. I need you now.”

“Nick is going to kill us.” I giggled as I kissed Brian’s nose. “And I don’t care because I want you so much.”

Brian rolled on top of me as I heard movement outside the door. Nick must be coming back since we hadn’t called him yet.

“Lie back down and pretend you’re sleeping.” I ordered. Brian rolled back over and brought me close to him.

Nick opened the door. He knew what had happened as soon as he stepped on my jeans. Then he saw all of our clothes strewn across the room.

“I smell sex.” He sniffled loudly. “Somebody’s been having sex in my bed and it wasn’t me.”

I buried my face in Brian’s chest to keep from laughing. Nick could be so annoying at times.

“This bed was just right.” Brian sat up. I smacked him in the stomach. Both of them started laughing, while I kept my head under the covers.

“Where’s your Goldilocks?”

“Oh she’s afraid to come out from under the covers. The big bad wolf might get her.”

“Josie, oh, Josie. Come out from hiding.” Nick yelled in a kid’s voice. “It’s not like I’ve never seen you naked before.”

I was going to stay hidden as long as possible. Maybe they would forget I was here.

“Frack, I don’t think you need to see her naked. That’s reserved for me.” Brian said cockily. “Could you hand me my boxers?”

“I am not going anywhere near your dirty boxers.” Nick said with a look of disgust. He sat down on the desk chair looking highly amused at Brian.

“Fine, asswipe. I’ll get them myself.” Brian proceeded to get up and walk in all his glorious nakedness and search for his boxers.

“My virgin eyes. I’ve never seen a naked man before.” Nick screeched. He was an annoying pest. I loved him but he didn't need to ruin my moment.

I pulled the covers off my head slowly. Then I sat up making sure the comforter covered my body. I didn’t want Nick seeing me. In the past it wouldn’t have bothered me, but now things have changed. I only wanted to share it with Brian.

“Would you stop screaming? The other guests are going to think you and Brian are doing something illegal. We don’t need you on the news.”

Brian walked over towards me wearing nothing but boxers. God, he was the world’s sexiest man. I could have taken him again and again. Making loving to him all night would be easy. If only I could get Nick out of the room.

He handed me my clothes and a white robe. I quickly placed them on the bed beside me.

“Nick turn your back.”

“For real? I don’t get a peek.” He pouted.

“Not this time. I love you but I’m not sharing.”

Quickly he turned around and I placed the robe on my body. I grabbed my clothes and made my way to the bathroom. I need a shower.

“So man, what happened beside the obvious?” Nick asked with amusement.

“You’re enjoying this aren’t you?” Brian started getting dressed.

“Well beside the fact that my two best friends fucked in my bed and now I won’t be able to sleep in it. I am totally enjoying it.”

“We didn’t fuck. I love her, Nick. Tonight, it only proved it to me. How was I so blind to not see what was in front of me.?”  He explained to Nick. Why did it take him this long to realize that Josie was the one?  No other woman had really affected him the way Josie did. She was his best friend since childhood. She stuck by him through everything in his life, minus the past three years. That was his fault and he regretted every second of it.

“Sometimes the best things in life are right under our noses. Did you do any talking?”

“A little. I apologized for being an asshole. She apologized for being a bitch. Then one look in her eyes and the rest is history. You’re lucky you didn’t wait five more minutes. You would have gotten quite the show.” Brian smiled. “We have a lot of issues to get past, but I think we’re taking a step in the right direction.”

“I’m glad. You two are good for each other.”

I stepped out of the bathroom. Brian and Nick were having a man to man discussion. I’m sure it was about me. I walked over to Brian and wrapped my arms around his waist.

“Are you ready to leave?” I whispered in his ear.

“Nick, thanks for everything. We’re going head home.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah.” He brushed them off. “See you at Shane’s party. Don’t do anything I would do on the way home.”

We left Nick to do whatever. When we got to the car Brian opened my door. He was always such a gentleman. Then he got in. We both were silent as he drove out of the parking lot. I was lost in my happiness, hoping that Brian wouldn’t leave me hanging again. I hope he really did love me the way I loved him. I couldn’t take another night like three years ago.

“Where are we going?” I noticed him pulling off onto a country road.

“A quiet spot that Kevin showed me.”

“You’re taking me to make out point?” I gasped, then laughed.

“No this place is even more secluded. I wasn’t finished with you. I want to make love to you at least one more time before we go home.” His hand moved to my thigh and grinned at me.

Brian uttered me speechless. I hope this place wasn’t far. I don’t think I would be able to control myself.

Brian and I were lying on a blanket starring at the stars. We had just finished making love for the third time that night. I was giddy and scared at the same time. Knowing that Brian loved me made me feel like a geeky teenager with a first crush. At the same moment I worried that in the morning Brian would realize that he didn’t love me. I tended to be oversensitive when it came to matters of my heart.

“A penny for your thoughts.”  Brian turned on his side to look at me.

“I don’t want to ruin the moment.” I barely whispered.

“Josie look at me.” I turned on my side and looked at him. “Don’t be afraid to hurt my feelings. If we are going to make this work you have to be completely honest. No running away.”

“I’m scared. I’ve been in love with you for a long time. With everything that has happened between us, I’m afraid it isn’t real. How can you love me after all that I’ve done to you?”

Brian sat up. By the look on his face I couldn’t tell if he was upset with me. Quietly he handed me my clothes. Then he started putting his on. His actions told me that he was upset. Every time I talked he got mad.  I should just keep my mouth shut.

“Brian are you mad at me?” I stammered after I put my clothes on.

“Why would I be mad at you?”

“Well, you just abruptly gave me my clothes and got really quiet.”

“Excuse me sir and miss. Is everything okay?” The police officer asked us.

 That is why Brian got quiet. He must have seen the lights on the police cruiser. I felt so embarrassed.

“We’re fine officer. My girlfriend here thought this was a shortcut to my house. She’s not good with directions.” Brian said with a smile.

“Brian Littrell, I’m not that stupid. Who do you think show Kevin this place?” The officer started to chuckle.

“Oh my goodness. Is that you Gregory Jackson?” He nodded.  “How are you?”

“Doing well. I can see you two are doing just fine. I’m just going to head out. You two have a good night.” He walked away.

“Holy hell. I can’t believe we just got busted. You know it’s going to be all over town by tomorrow.”

“Good then I won’t have to tell everyone that I love Josie Fitzgerald.” He brushed his lips against mine.

“Let’s go home. I’m tired from you wearing me out.” I took Brian’s hand and we walked to the car.

-------------------------------------

“Momma, wakey up.” Shane started shaking my arm.

“It’s early. Go back to bed.” I kept my eyes closed. My body was sore, and I didn’t want to get out of bed.

“Mommeeeee, the cwock says one, two, dot, dot, four, fwive. I hungwe.”

I sat up straight in my bed. I couldn’t believe I slept that late. Normally I never slept in past eight o’clock.

I picked up Shane and placed him next to me on the bed.

“Sweetie, why didn’t you ask someone to make you breakfast?”

“I ate bweakfast hours ago. Miss Jackie made me waffles. Bwian told me to come and awake you.” He smiled.

“He did, did he?” I started tickling Shane’s side. He started struggling away from me.

“Bwian says you can’t sweep all day.”

“That Brian is right. Let’s go get some lunch.” I took him in my arms and carried him to the kitchen.

Brian was standing by the stove stirring mac-in-cheese. He licked his lips when he saw me. I gave him a look.

“Bwi, is it weady yet?”

“It sure it buddy. Go sit down at the table. I’ll bring it in. Mommy’s going to help me with the drinks.”

Shane scampered out the room. Brian came over to me and pulled me close to him. His lips met mine for a long kiss, but I quickly broke away. He just looked at me.

“Shane could walk in on us. I don’t think it would be good for him to see us kissing. He might get confused.”

“I guess your right. I just wanted to show how much I love you.” He grinned at me.

“You have the rest of your life to show me. Let’s go feed our little monster.” I grabbed the milk and ketchup from the fridge. “Make sure to give Shane ketchup for his macaroni.”

“Eww that is gross.”

“It is not. Try it you might like it.” I poured milk into three cups. “Just think your tried me and liked it.”

“Girl don’t say things like that.  I might have to have my way with you in the kitchen.” He wiggled his eyebrows at me.

“You dirty man.” As I walked out I stuck my tongue out at him.

Brian and I were sitting on the bed in the guest room, where he was staying. We had put Shane to bed. Brian’s parents were watching a movie in the living room.

“Wow. That little bugger has so much energy.” Brian chuckled.

“He’s excited for his birthday. You only turn three once.” I traced the pattern on the pillowcase with my finger.

“I enjoyed spending the day with you and Shane.”

“I’m glad Brian. I enjoyed it, too.” I said quietly.

“Josie what’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” I replied not looking at Brian.

“Don’t lie to me.”

“Fine.”

“Josie, you can’t ignore me. I want you to be honest with me.” He scooted closer to me.

“Even if it hurts?”

“Even if it hurts. We have to move past all of this. It may be hard, but it needs to be done. I want to move forward with you.”

“Brian, what do you want to happen between us?” I looked him in the eyes.

“Josie, I want us to be family. I want Shane to have two parents that love him unconditionally. I want to have more babies with you. I want to marry you.”

“You want to marry me?” I asked incredulously. Only a day ago he was professing his love for me. Now he wants to marry me. I was living in a dream world.

“You sound shocked by that.”

“You just told me you loved me. How could you be ready to marry me?”

“Josie you have been everything to me. None of my relationships have worked because deep in my heart I was in love with you. I can’t see myself being married to anyone else. What do you want to happen between us?”

“I love and care about you, Brian Thomas Littrell. My world is changing again. You know I don’t do well with change.” I stood up and started to pace. “I just came home. Things are going to change once we tell Shane the truth. I want to take my time with everything. I don’t even know if I believe in marriage.”

“I’m not asking you to get married tomorrow. I want to take me time to get to know Shane better. I want to spend time with you. You are the only woman for me.”

“Brian, what if I’m never ready for marriage?” I questioned.

“We’ll deal with that when the time comes. I’m not pressuring you about it. Let’s just take the time to be a couple and Shane’s parents. We don’t need to be married to do those two things.” Brian had some concerns when it came to my issues with marriage. Even when we were younger it bothered him that I didn’t believe in marriage.  My parents were happily married, so I had good role models for marriage. I didn’t know what my problem with marriage was.

“Oh Bri, as much as I think the two of us are good together, I’m worried that it’s just not meant to be. Something will come along and tear us apart.”

“Josie, I know you are a worry wart, but please just take it one moment at a time.” Brian pleaded with me.

“Fine, but remember if we don’t work out, we still have a son together. I don’t want us hating each other. That won’t do any good for Shane.”

I was a worrier through and through. Brian knew this since we were in about third grade. I panicked and worried about every test we took in school. I couldn’t change who I was, not even for him.

“You won’t have to worry about it. I’m going to love you forever.” He placed a kiss on my nose.

Then he kissed my forehead and moved down to my lips. Slowly he moved my upper body against the mattress and moved on top of me.  His hands were roaming my body. I loved the way he touched me. It unnerved my soul. I totally forgot about everything.

“Brian, you’re parents are downstairs.” I tried to push him away.

“I don’t care. I’m a grown man.” He sucked on my ear lobe. “They know I have sex.”

“But not in their house.” I gave him a quick peck on the lips. “What if Shane wakes up?”

“Josie relax. I promise no sex. Just a lot of making out.” Brian’s hands went to my thighs as he pushed his tongue in my mouth.

----------------------------------

“Mommy….mommy…where are you?” Shane called frantically from the hallway.

“What’s wrong Shane?” Jackie asked the little boy.

“She not in the room when I waked up.” Tears fell from his face. Jackie picked him up. “I had a bad dweam.”

Jackie looked at the clock on the wall. It’s was two thirty in the morning. She had a feeling she knew where Shane’s mommy was. Quietly, she knocked on Brian’s door.

I heard someone knocking on the door. I quickly woke up, not even realizing I was still in Brian’s room. I opened it up.

“Shane, baby what’s wrong?”

“I had a bad dweam. You weren’t in your bed.” He cried. I took him from Jackie. She looked at me and walked away.

“Oh baby. I’m sorry. I was talking to Brian and fell asleep.”

“That’s okay mommy. Will you lay wif me til I fall sleep?” I nodded my head and carried him back to his room.

Twenty minutes later Shane was fast asleep. Unfortunately I was wide awake. I headed downstairs to the kitchen. Jackie was sitting at the island drinking tea.

“Jackie, I’m sorry that Shane woke you up.” I was feeling guilty about being a bad mother.

“It’s okay. What’s up with you and Brian?”

“We’re working on our problems.” I sat down next to her.

“From the looks of your clothes I can see what you’ve been working on.” Jackie didn’t look happy. I blushed from embarrassment.

“I don’t know what to say.”

“I’m just concerned. Sex is what got you into this situation. It’s not going to be the answer. You need to work on the problem.”

“I love Brian.”

“I know you do, and he loves you. If you can’t get it together, no amount of sex is going to make it work. Both of you have a son to think about.”

“We both know that. I think we are responsible enough to handle our actions.” I commented.

“Age has nothing to do with it. I love you both dearly, but my grandson is my biggest concern.”

I sat there stunned. I didn’t even know how to react to Jackie. She was like a mom to me. I didn’t want her thinking badly of me. Everything with Brian was complicated.

“Josie, for Shane’s sake I hope things work out with Brian. You are good for each other. Don’t be afraid of telling him the truth. He needs to hear it, but you need to listen to him also. Both of you have a long way to go.” Jackie got up and placed her cup in the sink. “Night Josie.”

Brian leaned against Josie’s car in the Wal-Mart parking lot. Josie’s shift was just about to end.  He needed to talk to her after she gave him the cold shoulder this morning.

I slowly walked to my car. I just wanted to go home and spend the evening with Shane. I was exhausted since I didn’t get any sleep after my talk with Jackie.

I noticed that Brian was waiting by my car. I did not want to talk to him at the moment. I gave him the brush off this morning and I knew he was upset.

“What do you want Brian?” I sighed.

“We need to talk.”

“Couldn’t you wait until I got home? There’s no reason to stalk me at work.” I leaned against my car.

“God damn it, Josie. I’m not stalking you.” Brian paused. “I want to know why you’re avoiding me.”

“I’m not avoiding you.” I lied. I really didn’t want to discuss this with him. I wish he would leave me alone.

“You’re such a liar.”

“Brian, just leave me alone. I don’t want to talk to you right now.” I attempted to open my door, but he scooted over so I couldn’t.

“We are going to talk. I’m not going to do this every time you decide to ignore me.”

He grabbed my hand and pulled me to his car. I had no choice but to follow him. Brian opened the door and gently pushed me in. Quickly he moved around the car and got inside.

I looked out the window and paid no attention to the man sitting next to me.

“We can sit here all night, but I know you want to get home to Shane.”

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

“Fine, you may have nothing to say. I’ll do the talking then.”

Brian situated himself in his seat to get comfortable.

“Why the fuck are you ignoring me?”

“I’m not ignoring you Brian. I’ve been busy working today. I can’t loaf around like you can. I have a child to take care of and bills to pay.”

“That’s why you left for work an hour early. I tried to talk to you and you left the room. I thought everything was okay between us.”

“Just because we had sex for the past two nights, doesn’t mean anything has changed between us.” I grumbled.

“Josie, I can’t deal with your Jekyll Hyde personality. It’s not fair to me. I love you with all my heart. Please look at me.”

I slowly turned my head. It pained me to see Brian looking so sad.

“Brian, I don’t know what you want from me. I can’t give you want you want. Right now I think it would be better for us to be parents to Shane. I don’t think I’m ready for a relationship. Plus you just got out of a long term relationship.”

“Damn it, Josie. I love you and want to be with you. Last night you felt the same way. What changed since then?” He grabbed the steering wheel. I could see the anger on his face.

“Brian, I had a chat with your mom last night. She put a lot of things in perspective for me. I need to be a mom to Shane before I can be anything else. He’s my life.” Tears slowly slid down my cheeks.

“What did my mom say to you?” Brian asked his voice shaky.

“Shane woke up last night with a nightmare. He couldn’t find me. That made me feel like a horrible mother. I wasn’t there when he needed me.”  I paused to breathe.  “After he fell asleep, I went downstairs. You’re mom was in the kitchen. I apologized for having to get up. We started talking. She basically told me that sex wasn’t going to help us fix our problems.”

“I don’t think she meant it like that.” He tried to justify his mother’s comment.

“She meant it. Your mom proceeded to lecture me about how sex got us into this situation. Brian, your mom was right. Sex is a problem for us. I don’t think we should be a couple. Let’s just be parents to Shane Thomas. I’m going to move out as soon as I get an apartment for us.”

“Please don’t. I need to be with Shane.” He pleaded. I could see tears forming in his blue eyes.

“I will let you see Shane any time you want. I just can’t do this anymore. I’m going to tell him you’re his dad the day after his birthday.” I opened the door and left Brian sitting in his car.

As I walked to my car, my heart broke. I loved Brian more than life itself. I just couldn’t hurt him. He was better off without me. He would still be in my life as Shane’s dad. There was no way I could have more than a friendship with him.

“Mommy, fourwth of juwly is sooooo fun.” Shane bounced up and down beside me. We had just finished watching the annual Tates Creek Fourth of July parade.

“I’m glad you enjoyed it.” I ruffled his hair. “Are you ready to go back to the Littrell’s for a cookout?”

“Mmmm…I ready for some hot doggies.”

I picked him up and we walked towards the car. I walked quickly, hoping no one recognized me. I wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone or explain who Shane’s father was. Tates Creek was a small town and everyone knew each other’s business.

When we got to the car, I quickly buckled Shane in and we were on our way. The ride home was about five minutes. The Littrell driveway was packed with cars as I drove onto the street they lived on.

I noticed Nick’s car and that made me smile. At least I had someone to talk to. After our heated discussion Brian wouldn’t even talk to me. I know that is what I wanted, but my heart was telling me another story.

I parked and helped Shane out of the car. We made our way to the backyard. Shane ran over to Brian. I slowly walked over to Nick, who was talking to a guy with dark hair.

“Hey Yicky Nicky.”

“Hello Jo-Jo!” He pulled me in for a hug. “How are you?”

“I’m okay.” I looked at him and then at the guy he was talking with. “O-M-G. Kevin Scott!!!!”

“Well hello there, Josie. You’re looking more beautiful then the last time I saw you.” He smiled and pulled me away from Nick.

“You’re looking good yourself Kevin. What’s new with you?”

“Not much. Just enjoying life. Nick was telling me you have a son.”

“Yes, Shane Thomas is the light of my life. He’s the little bundle of energy hoping around by Brian.”

“Holy hell, he’s a spitting image of Brian.” Kevin said in amazement. I looked at Shane with his daddy. They shared the same energy and mannerism. It was scary since they’ve only spent a few weeks together.

“He is daddy.” I whispered.

“You can see how much he loves him.” Nick smiled. “It’s all going to work out.”

“I just hope Shane doesn’t forget about me when he finds out Brian is his daddy.” I frowned. Today was supposed to be a happy day. I needed to get my emotions in check.

“He would never forget about you.” Nick commented as he brushed a stray tear from my cheek. “How are things with Brian?”

“You mean he didn’t tell you?” Nick shook his head. “I told him I wasn’t ready for a relationship with him. Things are complicated between us. I need to focus on being a mom to Shane Thomas.”

“I love you Josie, but I’m going to be honest with you. You can’t keep stringing Brian along. It’s not fair. Either you want to be with him completely or you don’t. I don’t want to see him get hurt again.”

“Nick, I can’t promise anything right now. I care about Brian, but things are just moving so fast. I’m not good with things changing in my life. My main concern is Shane. Until I’m ready to give my everything to Brian, I won’t string him along. That’s why I told him I wasn’t ready for a relationship.” My voice rose as I spilled by guts to Nick. Then I got mad and stomped off.

“Wow, what happened to the sweet even tempered Josie.” Kevin watched me as I walked off.

“She’s changed after everything that happened between her and Brian. The first couple years of Shane’s life were hard for her. She barely had any money and was working two jobs. Josie had no family. She became hard as stone because she had no choice.”

“Why didn’t she just tell Brian?”

“He was married. Josie’s not the type of woman to break up her best friend’s marriage.”

--------------------------

“Bwian, spin me. Spin me.” Shane shrieked.

Brian grabbed the little ball of energy and spun him around. I quietly snuck up on them.

“If he pukes, you can clean it up and take care of him the rest of the night.” I commented with a smile.

Brian stopped spinning Shane and placed him on the ground. Shane started walking, stumble, and fell to the ground in a fit of giggles.

“I dizzy, dizzy, dizzy.” He quickly stood up. “I need a popsicle.

He quickly ran off to get his popsicle.

“I’m glad you’re having a good time with Shane.”

“I love him so much. I can’t wait until he knows I’m his daddy.” He beamed.

“It will be good for both of you. I hope he takes it well.”

“Yeah, I’m sure he might be confused and have questions. We’ll be able to handle it, especially you. You are a strong woman.”

“Brian, don’t you think I get tired of being strong. I’ve always had to hold it together.” I paused. Then I sat myself on the ground. Brian plopped down next to me. “I’ve always had to take care of everyone. Sometimes I don’t know who I am because I’ve never gotten to be me. All those years I took care of my mom and then I had Shane to take care of.  Mind you, I don’t regret it, but I’ve never had a chance to live my hopes and dreams.

“I’m sorry things haven’t worked the way you’ve wanted them to work out. You deserve to have the world.  I’m going to pull my weight with Shane. That will give you some time to find out who you are and to follow some of your hopes and dreams.” Brian looked intently at me. “I love you so much Josie. I promise I will do anything to make your life a little happier. I know you love Shane with all your heart. You’re a good mother, but you need to take care of you. I’ll wait for you. When you are ready for me, I’ll be waiting.”

He kissed me on the cheek, got up and left me by myself.

Shane was bouncing around the living room as Brian walked in. He smiled at his son, knowing that tomorrow Shane would be calling him daddy. He was excited at the thought of everything being out in the open.

“It’s my birfthday, Bwi Bwi!!” Shane screamed with laughter.

“Really?” Brian asked. “How old are you buddy?”

“I is thwee.” He held up three fingers to show his age.

“Wow! I thought you were ninety-seven.” Brian sat on the floor.

“You silly Bwi.” Shane jumped in Brian’s lap. He wiggled his bum until he got comfortable. Then he looked up at Brian. “I havin’ a party. You comin’?”

“Birthday parties are my favorite. I wouldn’t miss yours for the world.”

“We havin’ pizza and cake and icey cweam and pwesents for me.” He rattled on.

“You mean I don’t get any presents.”

“No, just me. It my birfthday. You get pwesents on your birfthday.”

Brian ruffled his hair and pulled him into a hug. He loved spending time with Shane. He hoped that things would be better once Shane knew he was his daddy.

“What do you want for your birthday, kiddo?”

“I wantsa pony, toys, ballwoons, and a pup.” Shane looked at Brian. Then he moved towards Brian’s ear. In a whisper he said. “I love mommy a lot, but I wantsa daddy.”

Brian was at a loss for words and tears threatened to spill from his eyes. He knew that tomorrow Shane’s wish would be coming true. He prayed that the easy going boy would take it well.

------------------

The party was in full swing. I quickly started cleaning up the plates and cups.

“Josie, relax. You can clean up later. Go enjoy yourself.” Jackie admonished.

“I have to keep busy.” I quickly placed everything in the garbage bag.

“Is this about telling Shane the truth?”

“Jackie, I’m so nervous about the whole thing.” I leaned against the counter.

“Why are you nervous? This is a good thing for Shane Thomas. He needs a mom and dad.”

“I know. It’s just I don’t want him to forget me.” I whispered. I know my fear was irrational, but I couldn’t help how I was feeling. Shane already thought Brian hung the moon and stars. What if he didn’t need me anymore?

“That’s nonsense, Josie. Shane loves you with all his heart. He deserves to know his daddy. He’s not going to forget you just because he has a dad. I think your being a little selfish.”

“Why do you say that?” I questioned.

“You’ve had Shane to yourself for almost three years. Brian missed out on the beginning of his life. He can’t get that time back. Shane may want to spend more time with Brian and that’s understandable.” Jackie said pointedly. “He won’t forget you, you’re his mom. Just don’t take that time away from Brian.”

“Do you honestly think I’m not going to let Brian have time with his son? I’m sorry that I didn’t tell him in the first place. I’ve lived with the guilt before I even knew I was pregnant. It wasn’t easy for me. I’m sorry I screwed up.” I started to leave the kitchen.

“Josie, don’t leave. I’m not done talking to you.” Jackie commented as she stood up.

“I think we are done talking for now. You’ve told me in more than one way that I’m the bad guy in this situation. I already know that. I’m tired of you throwing it in my face. I need to be with my son. He only turns three once.” I stepped outside onto the porch.

“What wrong Jo-Jo?” Nick asked in concern.

I sat down next to him and watched as Brian was blowing bubbles with Shane. They were so cute together. It made me realized what a loser I truly was. Maybe Shane was better off without me.

“Jackie hates me.”

“Nobody could hate you. She’s just being a bitch.”

“Nick don’t say that. She’s just being honest. I can’t help it that the truth hurts.” I sighed. I knew Jackie wasn’t trying to be mean. She was disappointed that I had lied to her son, and she missed out on those years with her grandson. If I was in her position I’d feel the same way. It sucked to know I caused this entire situation.

“She needs to get over it. Sure you screwed up, but you’ve admitted to your mistakes. Jackie doesn’t think Brian can do anything wrong. In her eyes he’s perfect. It’s easier for her to have you take all the blame.” Nick reached over and pulled me into a hug.

“Nick, I was only trying to do the right thing. It’s hard because she doesn’t know how callous Brian was to me. I’m tired of being a screw up.”

“I know how you feel Jo-Jo. I’ve screwed up so many times and apparently I haven’t learned yet.” Nick played with my hair. “We can be screw ups together.”

I looked up at Nick. He always had a way of making me feel better. I inched my way closer to him. I just wanted to snuggle against him. Without a moment of hesitation, our lips met. I could feel the pressure of his lips on mine as he deepened the kiss. Then he broke away.

“Nick thank you for caring about me.” I said softly as I looked out at the yard.

I could tell by the look on Brian’s face that he saw the kiss. He quickly picked up Shane and made his way to the porch.

“Mommy, we want cake.” Shane giggled as Brian put him on my lap.

“You do, do ya?” I tickled his sides. “I guess I can go in and get the cake.”

“I’ll get it.” Brian said tersely. He slammed the door as he went inside.

“Shane go help Brian.” Nick urged the little boy on my lap.

“Okay Nicksy.” I put Shane down and he ran inside.

“When am I going to stop screwing everything up?”

“Josie, you didn’t screw up. I was the one who kissed you.”

“No, I wanted it just as much as you. Nick, you make me feel safe. You make me feel loved when I’m unlovable.”

“You don’t regret the kiss?” Nick inquired unsurely.

“Nick, I’ve never regretted anything with you.” I looked him in the eye. “I’ve always cared for you. Right now, I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel about anything.”

“Josie, I’m here for you no matter what, no strings attached. I love you and care about you. Whatever you want from me, I’ll be.”

“Thanks.” I loved that Nick and I had such an open relationship. He just let me be me.

Brian and Shane came out with the cake. Jackie followed giving me a disapproving look. I put on my happy face for my son. Life wasn’t going to get any easier.

Brian sat on the swing underneath the tree in the yard. He was still pissed about seeing the kiss. He couldn’t believe his best friend would betray him like that. It was hard enough know they had slept together.

Nick sat down on the swing. Brian was ready to throttle him.

“Is everything okay B? You seemed to have distanced yourself from everyone since the cake.” Nick asked in concern.

“Nick, go find Josie and leave me alone.” Brian said harshly.

“What’s your problem?”

“Nothing.” Brian stood up.

“You’re such a liar. You’re thoroughly pissed and I want to know why.”

“Fine. You want to know why I’m pissed?”  He raised his voice. “My so called best friend kissed the only woman I’ve ever loved. You of all people had to do it in front of me.”

“Josie was upset. Your mother told her that everything is her fault because she’s nervous about telling Shane tomorrow. We were just talking and I was comforting her.”

“Comforting someone is one thing, sticking your tongue down a person’s throat is another.” Brian glared at his friend.

“I don’t know what to say. Josie’s going through a rough time. I’m trying to be a good friend.” Nick defended. He didn’t see why Brian was so upset with the kiss.

“And you kissing her isn’t going to make it any easier on her. I don’t know what you’re trying to pull, but I wish you would get the hell out of Kentucky.”

Nick stood up and prepared to walk away. Brian wasn’t being rational and Nick wasn’t going to take the blame. He knew Brian was jealous.

As Nick started to leave, Brian put his foot out tripping him. He fell forward landing flat on his face. Slowly he stood up and brushed the grass off his clothes.

“What the fuck was that for?” He stared angrily at his friend.

“For messing with Josie’s heart.” Brian’s voice rose.

I quickly made my way down the yard. I couldn’t believe that two grown men were acting so juvenile. Did they really need to fight about me? Personally I just wanted to be left alone. Couldn’t I just curl up in a ball and hide? It would make my life easier.

“Would you both shut the hell up? I just got Shane to bed and you’re out here caterwauling. You wake him up and you’re both dead.” I hissed at the men before me.

“He started it.”

“Nick, shut up. Are you five?” I sat myself down on the swing.

“No. I can’t help it that Shorty over there is jealous of our kiss.” Nick responded in a cocky tone.

Brian was furious. I could see his nostrils flaring, a sure indication he was ready to kill Nick. Instead of saying anything, he marched toward the house.

“Bri wait don’t leave. Let’s talk about this.” I shouted, but he kept walking. I turned towards Nick. “As for you, stop acting like an arrogant prick. I’m starting to think that you kissed me just to make Brian angry.”

Nick pulled me up on my feet and into his arms. His lips crushed mine. My goodness gracious could that man kiss. I forgot the reason I was even talking to Nick. When his tongue entered my mouth, my mind brought me back to the current situation. I stepped back from his embrace.

“I think you need to leave.”

“I’m gone, but remember I’ll be around when he breaks your heart.”

“Damn you Nick. Just go.”

Nick sauntered out of the yard. I fell onto the swing sobbing.

-----------------------

Brian flung himself onto the couch. At this moment he couldn’t stand his best friend. What kind of best friend would make a move on the woman you were in love with? Oh that’s right, Nick Carter.

Harold walked in the living room to see the painful look on his son’s face.

“Brian is everything alright?” He sat down on the chair next to the couch.

“Everything is just peachy.”

“I can tell. You’re best friend just left and the woman you love is crying her eyes out. That sounds peachy to me.”

“Dad, everything is falling apart. I’m trying to make it all work and it’s a disaster.” Brian heaved a heavy sigh.

“I think you need to focus on one situation at a time. I think being Shane’s dad should be your first priority. Get to know him and be his dad.”  Harold told his son. He knew the Brian was biting off more than he could chew.

“What about Josie. I love her so much.”

“Josie loves you. She always has and always will. You need to give her time to realize that you can be a couple. She finds it hard to trust you after what happened. I don’t know everything and I don’t want to.”  Harold stopped to collect his thoughts. “Josie needs to learn to trust you. Give her time and show her that you are the man she has loved her whole life.”

“That’s easier said than done. I just want to scoop her up and make love to her all night long.”

“There will be plenty of time for that. Right now that is just going to complicate everything. You need to start out as friends. The rest will come with time. She’s the one. Don’t let her slip away.”

Harold slipped out the room. Brian had a lot to think about when it came to Josie. His dad gave him some food for thought. He knew he had to do things right this time or Josie would slip out of his hands. It would kill him to see her with Nick.

“Brian, I want to apologize for last night.” I leaned against the counter. “I didn’t plan on kissing Nick. It just happened.”

“Josie, I can’t stop you from kissing other men. You told me you weren’t ready for a relationship with me. I’m fine with it. I won’t stop you from dating Nick. I know you have a history.”

“You don’t get it Brian Thomas.” I was annoyed with him because he was putting words in my mouth. “I don’t want a relationship with anyone. My heart isn’t ready for it. My priority is Shane. I need to focus on him.”

“So, I don’t matter to you.”

“I can’t believe we are having this conversation again. Brian, I love you. You’re the only man I’ve ever loved. Right now, I can’t give you what you want.”

“But yet you kissed another man. A man you slept with multiple times.”

“I’ve never realized how jealous you are about everything. I didn’t plan to kiss him. I’m sorry that you are jealous of my relationship with Nick.” I yelled. “I don’t love Nick. I only love you. It’s never been about Nick. You’re the one acting like a bonehead.”

“I’m sorry. When I saw Nick kiss you I got pissed. I’m going to respect your wishes…for now.” He smiled at me.

“Thank you Brian. Are you ready to tell Shane?”

“Yes, I can’t wait for him to know he has a daddy.” Brian grabbed my hand.

“Just remember he might be confused or take it hard.” I cautioned. I didn’t want Brian to get his hopes up. Shane was a sensitive and a worry wart like me. I prayed that Shane would take the news well, but I had a feeling he wouldn’t.

“I’m prepared for whatever happens. I love him no matter what. Today is only the beginning of fatherhood. I have a lifetime with him.”

------------

Shane was sitting on the floor playing with his new toys when Brian and I walked into the living room. He didn’t even notice us because he was busy playing with his new Buzz and Woody figures.

“Shane, can you stop playing for a few minutes? Mommy needs to talk to you.” I said as I sat on the couch. Brian sat down next to me.

“Okay momma.”

Shane walked over and crawled up into my lap. He waved at Brian.

“Shane did you have a good birthday?” I asked ruffling his hair.

“Yes, momma. It was the bestest.”

“I’m glad. Did you get everything you wanted?” I looked my son directly in the eye. Brian was nervous.

“I got everything I wanted.” Shane stopped. “No, I didn’t get my one wish.”

“What was that?” I inquired.

“I wantsaed a daddy, but I didn’t get it.” He frowned at me. Brian’s eyes got glassy as tears threatened to spill.

“Shane why do you want a daddy?”

“Cause…daddies are fun. Bwian has a daddy. They do fings togeter. I wantsa to do fings wif a daddy.” He started to cry.

“Shane it’s okay. Don’t cry.” I rubbed his back as he brought his face toward my chest.

My heart was breaking from the pain I caused my son. I looked at Brian who was wiping his eyes. He squeezed my hand reassuringly. We were in this together.

“Shane can you look at mommy?” He wouldn’t put his head up. “I have a special birthday gift for you.”

Slowly Shane looked up. His face was red and tear stained. He started rubbing the tears off his face.

“Momma my birfthday was yesterday. Why do I get a pwesant today?”

“Sweetheart this is a special birthday present, but I wanted to wait until today to give it to you.”

“Okay. Wheres is it?” He looked around the room.

“Mommy wanted to give you something so special. It’s the thing you wanted the most.” I took in a breath and attempted to compose myself. This was harder than I thought it would be. “I want you to meet your daddy.”

Shane’s eyes got big. He looked around the room. Then he turned towards me in confusion.

“Momma, where’s my daddy?”

“Sweetheart, who’s the only man in the room?”

“Bwian.” He looked over at Brian.

“Shane, Brian is your daddy.”

Brian smiled at Shane. He stayed on my lap and stared at Brian. Shane jumped off my lap and ran out of the room. I looked at Brian. The look on his face said it all.

“I thought he would be happy to have a dad.”

“Brian, he will be. It’s just a lot for a three year old to take in. He’s so sensitive about things. He takes after me in that respect. Everything else about him is you.” I slowly placed my hand on Brian’s face and caressed it gently. “He’s going to love you so much Bri. He already does. Shane just needs time to get used to the idea.”

“I hope so. I love Shane with all my heart. I want to take him fishing and play basketball with him. I want to teach him how to be man.”

“You will get to do all that and more. Who should go talk to him?”

“I’ll do it.” Brian got up. “It will be our first man to man chat.”

-----------

“Shane, can I talk to you?” Brian knocked on the door. He heard no answer, so he went inside.

Shane was sitting on the bed hugging his bear. He wouldn’t look at Brian when he came in. Brian sat on the floor beside the bed.

“That’s a cute bear you have. I gave that to your mom a long time ago. You’re mom is a special person. You have the best mom in the world.”

Shane threw the bear across the room. Brian turned around, picked Shane up and placed him on his lap.

“Put me down. I hate you.” He fought against Brian.

“I can’t do that. I know you are mad. It’s okay to be mad.”

Shane cried into Brian’s shoulder. Brian held his son close and rubbed his back. He was at a loss for his son. This wasn’t what he envisioned when telling Shane that he was his dad. Life rarely had a way of playing out the way you wanted.

“I love you Shane. I’m so happy that I’m your daddy.” Brian rubbed Shane’s back. “From the first day I met you I loved you. You are so special. I can’t wait to take you fishing and teach you how to play basketball.”

“I don’t need you.” Shane hiccupped. “I have my momma to do fings wif.”

“Of course you have your mommy. She loves you just as much as I do. Your mom will always love you.”

“You twy to take her away from me.”

“Shane I would never take your momma away from you. I just want to love you.”

“I no love you Bwian. I only love my momma.”

“Well, I will still love you no matter what Shane Thomas. You’re my son and that won’t change.” Tears fell from Brian’s eyes. His voice broke as he continued to talk to his son. “I’m not going to take your mom away from you ever. How about we just stay friends for now?”

“No.” Shane jumped off of Brian’s lap and ran out of the room. Brian continued to sob, knowing that he couldn’t change the situation.

Shane ran into the kitchen where I was preparing lunch. I was standing by the stove stirring soup. Shane’s face was red and splotchy from crying. I turned the soup off and picked up my son. Off we went to the living room for some mommy son time.

“Shane, baby why are you so mad?” I cradled him in my lap after I sat down on the couch.

“I hate Bwian. He not my dad.” Shane stated stubbornly.

“Oh sweetie, I know it’s hard for you to understand that Brian is your daddy. He loves you so much.”

“Why he not around? He no love me before?” Shane stared at me with questioning eyes. He was asking tough questions for such a young child. My heart was hurting knowing I had to tell Shane that it was my fault he didn’t know his daddy.

“ Shane, I’ve known Brian my whole life. He was my best friend since I was little.” I paused to think of a way to make my three year old understand. “We loved each other so much that we created you, but Brian and I got into a fight and stopped talking. Mommy kept you all to herself because she was mad at your daddy.”

“Momma that not nice. You tell me to share and you did not share wif Bwi.” He pointed his finger at me.

“You’re right. I wasn’t nice to your daddy. Now daddy and I are friends again. I love you and daddy so much that I wanted to share both of you.”

“Okay. Bwian is nice. He always pways wif me.” Shane yawned and wiggled closer to my body. “Sing my sweepy song.”

I started singing to Shane knowing in a few minutes he would be fast asleep in my arms. My little boy was growing up. My hope was that he would accept Brian as his daddy and love him with all of his heart.

I slowly placed Shane on the couch. I didn’t want to wake him up. He needed a nap after his emotional morning.

I walked back into the kitchen to finish making lunch. Brian was pouring the soup into bowls. I smiled thinking about how we were able to finish each other’s jobs. We completed each other in so many ways.

“Thanks for finishing lunch. Shane is fast asleep on the couch. I think he’s worn out from everything that happened this morning.”

“I heard what you told him.” He placed a bowl of soup on the island, where I was standing. “You did a good job explaining it to him. I hope that he won’t hate me forever.”

“Brian it’s not your fault. I’m the one that didn’t tell you. I was a coward.” I confessed.

“It wasn’t like I handle the situation any better. I regret how I treated you the morning after.”

“Brian you don’t have to keep apologizing. We both made mistakes. It’s time to move on.” I took a bite of my soup.

“Okay. Do you have to work tonight?”

“Yeah. Do you want to watch Shane this evening?”

“You don’t have ask me anymore. I’m his dad. Whenever you work I’ll be there to take care of him.” Brian stared at me.

“I know. I’m not used to it yet. When do you plan on going back to Florida?” I was curious. I knew Brian’s job would require him to go back eventually.

“I don’t know. I haven’t thought of going back to Florida. Everything I have is here.”

“What about your career?”

“We’re on a break right now. All I care about is Shane and you.” He smiled at me. “I have no intentions of leaving my family.”

“I’m glad you care about Shane.” I stated quietly

“I’m not just talking about Shane. Josie I want you in my life. I thought we’ve been over this already. I love you. I want to be with you.” Brian was clearly frustrated with me. Everyday he made a point to tell me that he loved me.

“I know Brian. I just wanted to hear you say it again.” I stood up and carried my dishes to the sink. After my comment I knew Brian would be on my tail.

“Josie.” He whispered in my ear as he stood behind me. I could feel his hot breath on my skin. It caused my body to tremble on the inside. “What are you trying to tell me?”

“I realize I can’t live without you in my life.” I turned to face him.

“Josie, do you really mean that?”

“Yes. I did a lot of thinking last night and when you were talking to Shane Thomas. I came to the conclusion that a part of my life is missing without you. I can’t keep fighting it.” I said breathlessly. Brian moved in closer leaving no space between us. He was making me nervous and excited at the same time.

“Josie Fitzgerald, I love you with all my being. You are the only women I want for the rest of my life. I won’t let you go this time.”

“I don’t ever want to leave you.” I grabbed his face and pulled it toward mine. In an instant our lips were touching. It was the best feeling in the world.

“Oh excuse me. I didn’t mean to interrupt.” Harry said smirking.

“It’s fine Harry. How are you?” I said politely.

“Doing well. What’s going on with the two of you?” He pointed at the both of us.

“Something special before you interrupted us. Bro, you have the worse timing.” Brian moved beside me. “How’s your new job?”

“I love it. North Carolina is awesome. Who’s the little tyke on the couch?”

“That’s our son.” I smiled at Brian’s older annoying brother. He always teased us when we were kids.

“You and you…have a son.” He kept looking from Brian to me. It was like he was watching a ball bouncing in a tennis match. “Together.”

“Yes, we have a son together. He’s three and adorable.” Brian told his brother.

“I always knew you two had a thing for each other. I wondered if you two were hooking up when she came on tour.”

“Shut up.”

“Bri, I got to get ready for work. It was nice seeing you again Harry.” I left the kitchen.

“My God did Josie become hot. I haven’t seen her in years.”

“Yes and she’s mine.” Brian smiled at his brother.

“I can’t believe you have a son. How old is he?”

“Shane turned three yesterday. I’m surprised mom didn’t say anything.”

“He’s three? Josie was the girl you slept with before you got married.”

“Yeah.”

“God damn it Brian. The way you talked about that night, I would have never pictured you sleeping with your best friend. How long had you been in love with her?”

“It wasn’t that simple. I didn’t realize it until the first time I made love with her that night. It was different. I pretended like she didn’t make me feel that way. I was an ass.”

“You’ve always been an ass.” Harold joked.

“I love Josie and Shane Thomas. We’re ready to start a relationship, but you walked in.”

“Shit, Brian. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. We have the rest of our lives.”

“I want to get to know my nephew. I’ll babysit one evening so you can go out and be romantic.”

“Thanks man. I’m going to go check on Shane.” Brian walked out of the kitchen with a smile on his face.

The last few days were hectic. I was busy working everyday. Brian was spending all his time with Shane Thomas. They were starting to build a strong relationship. Shane wasn’t calling Brian daddy yet, but I was waiting for the day it would happen. I knew it would be soon.

Life was starting to feel stable for me. I wasn’t used to that. I was able to just be me and not worry about everything on my own. Brian was always there to help me with whatever was going on in our life. He was everything I had always expected him to be. I was finally happy.

It was Sunday afternoon, Brian and Shane were playing outside. I brought out a plate of cookies and lemonade for them.

“Hey boys, come get some cookies.” I yelled from the porch. Brian looked up towards me and picked up Shane and ran towards the porch.

“Mmm all these cookies for me and none for Shane.” He teased as he set Shane on a chair.

“Daddy, that’s not nice. You need to share.” He pouted; then giggled. Brian looked at me with a huge smile on his face. It was wonderful to hear Shane call him daddy. I knew it made Brian’s day.

“I’ll share with you. You can have one and I get the rest.”

“Daddy you silly.” Shane chuckled.

“You better behave Brian Thomas Littrell or there will be a timeout.” I said sternly.

Brian gave Shane a cookie and walked over to me.

“I’ll take the punishment as long as you send me to my bedroom.” He whispered in my ear. “You can punish me any way you please.” I had never heard Brian talk this way. It was turning me on. I checked my watch and noticed it was almost time for Shane’s nap.

“Oh, Bri. Don’t talk to me like that.”

“Why?” He paused. “Does it make you hot?”

“More than you ever know. When Shane is done with his snack put him down for his nap, then meet me in your room.” I walked back into the house.

------------------------

While Brian put Shane down for his nap, I got to work on making this an afternoon neither Brian nor I would forget. I quickly shimmied out of my clothes. Then I turned down the bed and laid across it in a sexy pose.

I couldn’t believe I was doing this. It was so not me. I was usually shy and conservative. This past week Brian has brought out the wildness in me. I’ll admit I love it.

The door opened and Brian stared at my nakedness. He slowly walked over to the bed.

“Hey stud.” I sat up on my knees. Brian moved closer and my hands moved to the bottom of his shirt.  With one pull, I had his t-shirt off.

“Babe, l..l..l..eee..t.t me lock..the..the…door.” He stuttered and quickly moved to the door. I heard the latch lock and smiled. Before he came back over he removed the remainder of his clothing. I stared at his glorious body.

“Come here Mr. Littrell. You’ve been a bad, bad, boy.” I said in my best teacher voice.

“Well Ms. Fitzgerald, what’s my punishment?” He grinned at me like school boy.

I thought for a moment, knowing exactly how I was going to punish him. “You need to make love to me until I scream out your name.”

Brian moved onto the bed and pushed me into the mattress. I started to giggle as his hands tickled my stomach.

“There’s nothing I like more than you screamin’ my name.” His hands moved to my hips as he started kissing my ankle and moved up my leg. Once he reached my thigh he mouth stayed there. I couldn’t take the heat I was feeling in womanhood. Before I could say a word, Brian’s mouth was right where I wanted it to be.

“Brian…that…feels…sooo…good. I need you in my…NOW!!!!!” I gasped. His mouth quickened its pace and my body started to tremble. Brian certainly was rocking my world at the moment.

“You like that Jo-Jo?” He asked as he moved on top of me.

“More than you’ll ever know. Brian that was intense. I never knew you could do that with your mouth.” I answered after I caught my breath.

“There are a lot of things you don’t know about me. I can’t wait to show you how much I desire you. I’m going to spend the rest of my life showing you.”

“You better live up to your promise. I’ve been waiting all my life for you.” I told him. He placed a curl behind my ear and kissed me on the cheek.

“You have me always and forever.”

My mouth moved against Brian’s. We lay there together just kissing and feeling the emotions we were both to stubborn to share. Without hesitation, Brian entered me and we made love like never before. It was the most intense and loving experience of my life.

-------------------------

Sunday dinner at the Littrell house was all about family. Jackie, Harold, Harry, Brian, Shane Thomas, and I sat around the table. Shane was devouring a huge piece of chocolate cake. Grandma had a way of spoiling him. I think he had more on his face than in his mouth.

“What’s with the smiles on your faces?” Harry questioned us.

“We’re just happy to be with the family.” Brian answered his brother.

“That is so not a happy to be with family smile.” Harry glanced at his parents, who acted as they had no clue what he was talking about.

“Can’t two people just be happy because they are in love?” I quipped. Harry was so annoying. He was always trying to get us in trouble when we were younger. I guess things haven’t changed.

“That’s not the look of love. That’s the look of bom-chicka-wah-wah” He started to laugh. My face turned a bright crimson. I couldn’t look at anyone.

“That’s enough Harold, Jr. You should be ashamed of yourself.” Scolded Jackie.

“Leave the lovebirds alone. They’ve earned the right to finally be happy.” Brian’s dad commented. I loved him the most after Brian.

“Daddy what’s bom-cheeky-whaa-whaa mean?” Shane asked curiously with his face covered in chocolate icing. We all busted out laughing. He looked at us like we were crazy.

“It means that I love your mommy a lot.” Brian walked over to his son and wiped the icing off his face.

“I bom-cheeky- whaa-whaa mommy, too.” My son and boyfriend smiled at me. I was a happy woman.

“Shane Thomas, make sure you behave for Uncle Harry.” I reminded my son.

“Don’t you mean Uncle Harry should behave for Shane?” Brian teased as his brother rolled his eyes.

“I’m not a bad influence. I just know how to have fun.” He smiled angelically at us. “Your son will be fine with me.”

“I make sure he behaves. If Unky Harry doesn’t, I will put him in da corner.” We all laughed.

“Good job, son.” Brian picked him up and gave him kiss.

“You two better get going. Enjoy your date.” Harry took his nephew and pushed us out the door.

“So where are you taking me?” I asked, as we walked to the car.

“It’s a surprise.” Brian’s eyes twinkled. It was an indication that he was up to something. “Just get in the car.” Being the gentleman he was, Brian opened the door and I got in. A few minutes later we were on the road.

We drove in a quiet silence. Brian was concentrating on the road. I was lost in thought about what the night held for us. Things were going well for us these last few weeks. Brian’s surprise had me nervous for some reason. I was never one for surprises, but tonight I was anticipating it.

The car slowed down and turned onto an old dirt road. Trees lined the sides of the road. Brian pulled into a driveway where a beautiful cabin appeared.

“Brian what is this?” I gasped. I figured we were just going to dinner.

“Surprise.” He smiled at me.

“It’s gorgeous Brian. Why are we here?” I blinked trying to focus. My nerves were getting the best of me.

“Josie, I love you. I want to spend my life with you. I can’t see my life without you in it everyday. I love living at my parents, but we need a place of our own. What do you say; will you move in with me?”

“Brian, you want to stay in Kentucky with me and Shane?” I asked dumbfounded. This is what I wanted. My dream was for us to become a family.

“Yes. I want to spend the rest of my life with you and Shane. I want to make more babies with you. I saw this house and knew it was perfect for our family.” He grazed my cheek tenderly with his fingers. Life was perfect. I knew everything was going to work out.

“Brian, I love you. You’ve made me the happiest woman. Of course, I want to be a family with you. Let’s go look at the house.” I grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the cabin.

--------------------------

I woke up with a chill. I noticed that Brian had all the covers while I was lying there naked. I positioned myself on my side and watched Brian sleep. He had a smile on his face. I knew mine had the identical one. Slowly I pulled some blanket off of him. He stirred.

“Don’t be taking all the blankets, Josie.” He mumbled in his sleep.

“I thought you were asleep. Bri, you have them all. I’m just taking some back. It’s cold in here since the fire died.”

“I know a way to warm you up.” He moaned into my ear.

“What do you have in mind Mr. Littrell?” I questioned in a sexy voice.

“Well, I want to love every inch of your body.” He kissed me on the tip of my nose.

“Nah, I’ll pass on that. Why don’t you just start another fire?”  I said seriously. Brian started to pout which made me start to giggle.

“Josie, you are so mean to me.” He complained.

“You know you love me.” I stuck my tongue out at him. He rolled on top me.

“Don’t stick it out if you don’t intend on using it.”

“You’re a dirty man, Littrell. You’re mom would be shocked at the things you say to me.”  

“Please don’t mention my mom when I’m getting ready to make love to you.” He groaned.

“I’m sorry, but she already knows that we bom-chicka-wah-wah.” I joked.

“Well before we bom-chicka-wah-wah, I have something for you.” Brian sat up and grabbed his shorts. I saw him fiddle in one of the pockets.”Josie you’ve been my best friend since always. I don’t remember a day you weren’t in my life.”

“Brian, you’re my best friend, too.” He placed a finger on my mouth to make me be quiet.

“The past three years I was miserable. It was because you weren’t in my life. I wanted to hate you when I saw you again, but I couldn’t. All the feelings I had for you came back even stronger. I realized that I always loved you. Making love to you that night wasn’t a mistake. It was the best thing to ever happen in my life.” He took a deep breath. “I realized that I was always in love with you. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life with anyone but you.”

“Bri, I feel the same way. It’s always been you and no one else.”

“Josie, I know you don’t believe in marriage. I promise that I will love you forever, whether you want to get married or not.” Brian opened the box in his hand and took out a beautiful but tasteful diamond ring. “This ring symbolizes my eternal love for you. We don’t have to get married, but if you ever want to I will be standing at the altar waiting for you. Our love is eternal and that’s all that matters.”

“Brian, I love you more than I can ever express.” Tears were flowing down my face. “I love how you understand me and accept me for who I am. I see myself with you forever. At this point I’m still afraid of the word marriage, but I see myself with you for eternity. Now put the ring on my finger.”

He slowly slid the ring on my finger. It was beautiful. I pulled him close to me and kissed him like no tomorrow. We forgot about everything and spent the rest of the night making love.

4 Years Later

“Mom, Deidra needs you.” Shane Thomas yelled from upstairs.

I was finishing the dishes. Brian was in the yard with Daniel. I slowly walked to the stairs.

“Shane what’s wrong?” I yelled up to my seven year old.

“Never mind. I fixed her doll.” He yelled down.

“Okay, if you need me I’ll be in the living room.” I waddled to the living room. Being seven months pregnant I was exhausted. I lowered myself to the couch. It was heaven to sit.

“Everything okay Josie?” Brian asked in concern as he sat down beside me.

“Just tired. I’m ready to pop this baby out.” I commented. Brian’s hands moved to my belly. He started rubbing my stomach. He could put me to sleep with the touch of his hands.

“I can’t believe we’ll have four kids in a few short months.”

“That’s nothing Bri. We both knew we wanted a houseful. You know what surprises me even more?” I questioned with a smile.

“That we’re getting married in December.” I reached over and kissed him.

In my wildest dreams I never thought I would get married. It took my relationship with Brian to finally realize what marriage symbolized. I had never been happier then I had been these past four years with Brian. He was my answer to everything.

Shane walked in with his younger siblings trailing behind. Deidra and Daniel were full of giggles. Shane sat beside Brian and the twins climbed up on the couch next to me.

“Daddy can we have some ice cweam?” Daniel gave his best smile.

“Have you all been good for mommy today?”

“Yes, daddy we’ve been perfect angels.” Our curly, dark haired little girl answered. I chuckled. She was always so dramatic about things.

“I guess you can have some ice cream.” He got up. “Shane come help me. Josie would you like some?”

“I would love some.”

The men of the house left the room.

“Mommy tells us a story.” Daniel snuggled close to me.

“About how you fell in love with daddy.” Deidra sighed dramatically.

It was their favorite story. I think I told it to them at least twice a day. I had to admit it was my favorite fairy tale, especially because it ended happily ever after. Brian was my prince charming. The last four years were magic. I couldn’t wait to spend the rest of my life with Brian Thomas Littrell.