Kevin blinked once, twice. His thoughts were hazy, vague with confusion, as he regarded his surroundings. The field to the left... the path that wound by the trees in front of him... the grouping of pines...

It was the Camp. He had been coming to this place ever since he’d been a boy. It was a familiar spot, and the bench he was seated on was his favorite. Instead of bringing a smile to his face, however, he felt a stab of panic. How-

How had he gotten here?

The Camp seemed deserted, an unusual state on such a sunny day. There should be kids running and laughing, people strolling along the pathways, staff within eyesight ... but there was no one. No activity, no movement save the swaying of branches in the light breeze. He stood uncertainly, his confusion growing. Apprehensively he scanned the area, not understanding what had happened. He’d been...

Kevin stopped, unable to remember what he’d been doing. Concentrating didn’t help; he couldn’t seem to clarify his memory. He recalled bits and pieces of rehearsal with the guys, but that had been at night. Now it was early afternoon.

He started down the trail cautiously. Surely someone would come along any moment and break the surreal spell that was cast on the Camp; he thought of calling out but it seemed foolish. He continued along for five minutes, encountering no one at all. The lake was empty, no canoes cutting across the glassy surface, no daredevil rope-swingers plunging into the cool water from the heavy oak branch dedicated to that purpose. There was not a sign of life anywhere, not even birdsong in the trees. His puzzlement began to grow into fear as a chill swept through him. He called out, not worried anymore about being foolish, but got no reply. The sky above him took on a greenish cast, disturbing the young singer even more.

"Hello? Anyone here? What’s going on?" he shouted, striving to keep the fear out of his voice. A creaking sound behind him spun him back towards the central Lodge; then, the sharp and unmistakable thwak of an axe splitting wood broke the stillness. He practically ran towards the noise, fear and trepidation on his heels. Kevin slowed his step as he reached the clearing, wondering who he was about to meet. He stopped when he spied a figure ahead of him. The person… it was a man, with dark hair and a tall stature… had his back to Kevin as he swung an axe at yet another log. He approached with a good deal of puzzlement; a moment later, an odd feeling of anxiety flashed through him as the figure stopped, gathered the split wood, and tossed them on a pile nearby. There was something terribly familiar…

When the man turned fully around, Kevin froze.

The shock of seeing who it was stole his voice and blanked his thoughts for several heartbeats. The man simply stood there, arms crossed, waiting for a response.

"D-Dad?" he said shakily, his green eyes wide with disbelief. He took a few steps forward automatically.

"Kevin." He said the name matter-of-factly, regarding his son with evenness.

"But... I..." Overwhelmed, he stopped, fighting the mix of emotions that were trying to get control. A wash of dizziness made the scene wobble and the elder Richardson reached out calmly to steady him. Kevin stared at the hand on his arm and began to tremble.

"Let’s sit down," came the suggestion as the man nodded towards a nearby bench. Numbly Kevin complied, finding his voice at last.

"Oh my God, Dad, is it... is it really you? How? What-?"

Gerald smiled, the look bringing a thousand memories with it. "It’s me. Honest."

"You’re... but you died!"

"Well, technically, yes. It doesn’t mean I stopped being."

"I don’t understand," he said, lost. Suddenly a thought occurred. "Wait. This is a dream, right?"

"No dream. This is very, very real." The older man watched him closely, seeing the confusion evident in green eyes. He saw another thought transform his son’s face.

"Does that mean…” He paused, his voice tinged with fear. “Am I... dead?"

At that, Gerald touched his son’s shoulder. With a gentle shake of his head he spoke. "Not dead, yet."

His simple statement chilled Kevin to his very soul. He shivered in the sun, unable to feel the slightest warmth. "What’s happening? What is this place?"

His father sighed lightly. "This is your, ah, Waiting Place. Where you must decide."

"Decide?"

"To live or die. To fight for life, or to give up your physical self and move on."

"I still don’t understand. You’re saying I’m on the brink of... of death? I feel fine! How could that be true?"

"You were always so impatient," he declared, softening the words with a smile. "I’m not sure I can explain, but I’ll try. Something has happened to you, injuring your body in the physical world. The injuries are severe, but you have the capacity to survive. The capacity, but not, apparently, the commitment. Which brings me to an important question: why are you here?"

"Why? But I don’t know what’s-"

"All your life you have been a fighter, Kev. You’ve reveled in living, devoted your life’s work to improving the world around you. Yet, here you are. That fact speaks volumes to me, and I’ve been sent to discover what’s going on. What’s happened that your will to survive is so diminished?"

"But of course I want to live!" he said defiantly.

With a disapproving frown Gerald replied, "You are here. This is no mistake. Kevin," he said quietly, "talk to me. We shared everything during our time together. I see the pain around you, feel your despair. You’re tired, son, I can see it in your eyes. That kind of weariness disturbs me. It’s not like you; tell me what’s been going on."

Kevin regarded his father for a long moment, knowing he would be able to see the truth. A glance at the sky, darkening as he watched, gave him time to summon a bit of courage. "Yeah," he said at last. "I guess I am… tired. I don’t know if I can handle being… being who I’m supposed to be any more. Lately, things haven’t been...” He paused. “They’ve been difficult.”

"What things?" came the gentle prompt.

It took a moment before he could speak. "Everything." His voice was shaky and the trembling began again. "Dad, I feel like that no matter how much I do, it’s not enough.”

“This isn’t about your music, is it?” Gerald said slowly.

“The music is going well,” Kevin said, shifting a bit. “Better than ever, actually. I’ve been doing some new stuff-“ He cut off his words, dismissing the thought. “No, the music is fine. We just finished touring, and are getting ready to work on some new material for the next album.” He stared at his hands. “I’ll finally get a chance to spend some time with Kristen, once she comes back from the West coast.” Emerald eyes snapped up, staring at his father’s face. “Kristen, she- we got married-“

“I know, son,” Gerald said with a smile. “I was there. I can tell you love her; she is a wonderful woman. You aren’t having problems with her, are you?”

“Problems? Not any huge problems, but… I never see her enough. The very idea of spending more than a few days in each other’s company seems alien. I want to be a good husband to her, but it’s kind of hard when we’re not together. I feel like I’m failing her.”

“She said this?”

“No, of course not. But still…”

“What about the Boys? You not getting along?”

Kevin looked uncomfortable. “It’s not that we’re not getting along, it’s just… I’m not sure how to handle some issues that have come up recently.”

“Issues, such as…”

“Well, take Nick,” Kevin said, exasperated. “He keeps doing these things that he knows bother me, and it’s beginning to drive me crazy. I’m getting sick of his… his antics. Every time I get on his case, straighten things out, he goes right back and does something even more ridiculous.”

“Sounds like he’s looking for some attention.”

“I’m not his father,” Kevin declared. “I’m not the one who is supposed to be keeping him in line and doling out discipline. He’s too old for that stuff.”

“Maybe he’s not looking for a father figure, Kevin. Maybe he’s looking for a friend.”

“Then why act like a kid?” came the reply.

“I suspect that’s all he’s ever known, with you. He’s young, yes, but not that young. He’s about your age when the group started, you realize. He needs a friend, I’m thinking, but doesn’t know quite how to go about it. Changing relationships is hard at best.”

“Well, it’s not just Nick...” Kevin cast his gaze to the ground once again. “There’s AJ.”

“I thought you two got along just fine.”

“Dad, there’s something that’s going on with him, what I don’t know. He’s changing, getting wilder and… I don’t know, it’s like he’s buying into that whole public image thing. I feel like I should step in and give him advice, but he’s not listening. Sometimes I think he’s on the verge of letting me in, then the door slams. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do, how I can fix things.”

“You can’t solve anyone’s troubles but your own, Kevin,” Gerald said. “AJ has to follow his own path, make his own mistakes. You are doing exactly what you should be doing… being there in case he needs you. He’ll have to face his own problems by himself, when the time is right.”

“So I’m supposed to watch him crash and burn?” Kevin said incredulously.

“If that’s what’s meant to be, yes,” came the flat reply. “But don’t worry, he’s stronger than even he realizes. What about the rest?”

“Howie, he’s been doing great, he’s getting really involved in other projects, I barely see him when we’re not on tour. I’m glad he’s so busy, but… I dunno. Brian is kind of the same way. We hardly ever spend time together, he’s always so focused on Leigh. I miss some of that, that closeness.” He frowned. “That sounds really whiney and childish, doesn’t it?”

“No,” the older man said. “Wanting closeness in your life is all part of being human.” Gerald regarded the sky for a moment. “You got a lot of responsibility on your shoulders, Kev… been that way for a long time. Tell me, son, who do you turn to when it’s your time to be comforted?”

“I…”

“Kristen is there, I know; that’s part of what being married is all about. But you said yourself you don’t see her that often. So what do you do?”

“I don’t know,” Kevin said defeatedly. “I… there’s no one.”

“Is that because no one cares, or because you don’t let too many in on your problems, give them the chance to help out?”

The question generated a small bit of pain. “Well…“

“Kevin,” his father cut in sharply. “Answer the question, and I want to hear it true.”

Kevin took a deep breath and felt his shoulders slump. “I don’t think I should need anyone’s support, Dad.”

“Not good enough.”

Kevin stood and did a quick pace. Turning back to his awaiting father, he ran his hand through his hair and said, “I’m supposed to be a role model, the sensible one, the steadiest and most level-headed. I should be able to handle my problems on my own without relying on anyone else.”

Surprisingly, the older man laughed. “Is that what you’ve convinced yourself to believe? Who do you think you are, Kevin? You don’t have a big ‘S’ on your chest, and that ain’t a red cape flying behind you. What would you say if someone… Nick for instance… told you exactly what you’ve just told me?”

“That’s different,” Kevin argued. “Nick’s still a kid, he-”

“You still have a lot of growing to do, yourself,” came the firm interruption. “You’ve had a lot on your plate, son. I know it hasn’t been easy, and you’ve had to be tough to survive. But there’s a lesson you seem to have skipped: there’s no shame in leaning on others. It’s not a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of strength.”

Kevin was hit by the words. Not too long ago, he’d heard them come from another person, someone who had been worried about him. He blinked, then raised his eyes to his father’s. “Nick said the exact same thing a while back.”

“Hmm,” Gerald said. “Maybe he’s not such a kid after all, huh?”

Kevin had no answer.

After a moment, the older man stood and walked over to his son, putting an arm across his shoulder. “All these things might be troubling you enough, but I think there’s something else you’re not telling. There’s something big that drove you here, to this place, to me. I want to know.”

“Dad, it’s…”

“Kevin,” came the soft plea. “This is serious. There’s a lot at stake here. You know what I am referring to.”

Despite the fear that churned in his stomach, Kevin swallowed and cleared his throat. “Yeah, I do. But it’s so damned hard.”

“All the important stuff is.”

Kevin stared at the ground. He had never really told anyone about the incident, and it wasn’t easy to find the words. Finally, in a voice that was just above a whisper, he began.

"When we’re not touring, we do some charity stuff for local hospitals and such. Sometimes we visit the children’s wards, sometimes we sing, a lot of times we hold special autograph sessions. Nothing much, but it seems to cheer up the kids that are having a tough time.” He paused, wincing. “Well, there was this young girl, just 12 years old, named Anna. She had written this letter… she said I was her favorite, and that it was her dream to meet me. We get a lot of letters like that, but there was something about it… I don’t know. She said that when we had come through her hospital, she hadn’t been able to make because of some tests she was having done, but wanted to thank us for thinking of kids like her. I tracked down her number and spoke to her on the phone one day, she was so thrilled. It was only five minutes, but I felt like I’d done some good. She seemed so full of laughter and energy... you should have heard the excitement in her voice. I told her that we’d planned another stop at the hospital she was in near the end of the month, and that I’d make a special point to meet her in person if she was still there. I almost forgot about her during the next few days, but then I got this urgent message. It was her mother-”

He stopped, swallowing against the pain. “She said that Anna had a sudden bad turn and there didn’t seem to be a lot of time left. The doctors didn’t hold out much hope, so she was wondering if I could come and bring the smile back to her daughter’s face one last time.” Tears glistened in Kevin’s eyes as he remembered. “How could I refuse?” he said. “Of course, I went, but they didn’t tell me what was wrong with her, she’d never mentioned it and I forgot to ask. When I got there, she-“ He stopped, clenching his jaw. He could still see the horribly thin girl, her face as pale as the white sheet beneath her, tubes and wires…

"She what, son?” Gerald prompted gently.

"On the phone, she was so... so cheerful, full of life, Dad. In just those five minutes we spoke, she actually got me to laugh, can you believe it? It was the first time I’d laughed like that in a long time. She was such a pretty girl, too; she’d sent me a picture with her letter. Her smile was like looking at a spot of sunshine in a dark corner. B-but when I met her mother at the hospital, and she led me up to the ward…”

“What happened?”

A tear trailed down Kevin’s face as he met his father’s caring gaze. “I didn’t realize where we were headed until I saw the sign above the ward doors.. D-Dad, she had c-“ He stopped, unable to continue.

“She had cancer,” the older man finished. “Like me.”

“Oh, God, yes,” Kevin cried. “All the terrible memories, all that pain, came flooding back. I almost lost it, right then and there. I wanted to run down the hall, away from that horrible place. But the look in her mother’s eyes… I…”

"But you didn’t leave, did you?” he asked softly. “Despite how much it hurt.”

Kevin’s voice shook with emotion. “No, I couldn’t. I… I made myself go through the door. She was so pale, so thin. Her skin seemed almost transparent. Her father was in there holding her hand, but got up from his chair as soon as he saw me. He gave me a hug and thanked me for coming, then stepped outside to be with his wife and give us some privacy.” Kevin blinked against the scene that was still so vivid in his mind. “Anna was asleep, I could barely tell she was breathing. I sat down and took her hand… it was so cold… but I didn’t know what else to do. I sat there for a while, I don’t know how long, trying to figure out what to do next, when she opened her eyes.”

He took a deep breath. When he spoke again, his voice was full of pain. “Her eyes had that glazed look… at first I didn’t think she saw me, but then they got wide as she realized who I was. She smiled, Dad… but I could tell she knew exactly what was happening to her. She gave me this smile and tried to clench my hand. I said hello and the first words out of her mouth were to thank me f-for coming.”

The words seized in his chest and he allowed his father to guide him back to the bench. After a few deep breaths, he continued.

“Gone was the excited, energetic girl I met on the phone. Instead there was this… this shell. To see her that way, lying there so helpless, s-so…” He fought for words. “So…”

“So like me.”

Those three words of truth were all it took. Kevin put his head in his hands and allowed all the loneliness and grief and guilt and frustration to flood to the surface. He sobbed bitterly, heedless of anything but the raw emotions that had taken over.

Gerald Richardson wrapped his arms around his son, cradling him in an embrace. For several minutes, not a sound was heard except for the ragged expression of anguish coming from the young man who had held so much in for so long. When the sobs had weakened, the older man finally spoke.

“My son, you did make a difference. To her… to me. There wasn’t a thing you could have done to save her life, or mine… but you made part of it very special. You’ve been holding on to the pain so tight, never allowed it to ease. Kevin, I don’t want you to have any more pain because of what happened with Anna, or with me. Let it go. Let it all go."

A new flood of tears escaped the Boy, much to his dismay. But his father simply held him tighter, allowing the tears to soak into his shirt. Kevin dimly remembered being comforted in much the same way as a child, upset over nightmares or disappointments or injustices long since forgotten. His father had always been there, back then. And for a moment, Kevin allowed himself to be consoled.

It didn’t last long. Kevin fought for control, fought against the heaviness of despair that threatened to drown him. He returned his father’s embrace tightly, in thanks, before he drew back a bit. Trembling with reaction, he fought to steady his hands as he wiped away the wetness on his cheeks. Only then did he become aware of what was happening around him. The sky above had darkened ominously and he looked at it with a pensive, confused expression.

His father followed his gaze. "Time is almost up. There’s something I have to show you before you leave, before you make your decision. Come on, walk with me."

Kevin rose slowly, taking the offered hand. They walked a short distance until he saw a large flower garden to the right. He knew it shouldn’t be in the Camp, but for some reason it simply… belonged there.

"This is your Garden, son. It represents the good work you have done in your lifetime. You have so many beautiful flowers here. For every person you have truly helped, for every effort you’ve made to better your world, for everyone who has been touched by your love and kindness and strength, there is a flower."

"But... it’s not even halfway full," he commented carefully.

His father remained silent while Kevin thought of the implications of his statement.

After a moment, Gerald pointed to a particularly beautiful purple bloom. "This one, here, belongs to the little girl that recently Crossed. Anna."

"I didn’t do anything for her," he said bitterly. “She could barely talk, just ten minutes passed before she fell asleep. She…” He swallowed hard. “She died that night, so they told me later.”

"But you were there to hold her hand, when she was scared and in need of some magic. You gave her something to smile about, even so close to her ending. Because of you, her last day was special. It was a gift beyond price to her."

A red flash, like lightning, lit the sky with a strange intensity. Off in the distance Kevin heard an odd wailing, too elusive to identify.

“Kevin, you have a lot of chances ahead of you, a lot of opportunities to make a difference somewhere. You can do so much for the environment, with your JWR foundation… you can be a great example to countless young people with your music and ideals. Kristen needs you in her life, there’s so much in front of you there too. I’m proud of what you’ve accomplished so far, but son… you have so much potential. You can do even more, help in even bigger ways. You doubt your strength, your abilities… but you have to push past that doubt. There’s a battle ahead of you, one that you are capable of winning if you want to. Really want to.”

“A battle?”

“For your very survival,” he said gravely. “My son, the time to choose is at hand. I know your life is not easy right now, but it is this life that you must fight to keep. I don’t think your work on Earth is done, but that’s really your decision. Just think on what I said. Consider how many people you have enriched by coming into their lives. Think of how many more there are in need of your help and generosity, of the potential you have of creating happiness. Don’t underestimate yourself. Remember, things change. People change, situations arise, emotions grow and fade. The future is unknowable, always in flux. What seems a hopeless situation one day can be resolved on another. Hope is worth holding on to, Kev. You must keep your dreams alive with every bit of the strength you posses. They are too important, you are too important to waste the chance."

"Can you tell me what’s going to happen in the future? With the group, with Kris and our plans?"

"I can’t say what is in store for you and Kristen, but remember that should you choose not to fight this battle, all the dreams you began with her will vanish. It’s the same with the others. They all love you so very much, I have no doubt that they would fight for you, if that were possible. But it’s up to you, and you only."

Suddenly Kevin felt wetness on his shirt. When he looked down, he felt a stab of panic mixed with confusion. His entire shirtfront was covered in blood. An icy chill swept past him and he shivered violently against it.

"What the-?"

A red flash, followed seconds later by another. The wail was intensifying, beginning to modulate slightly.

"You are being drawn back, Kevin. Your time is at hand." Gerald smiled and gave him a quick, last hug. "Remember you are always loved, and that you are never truly alone."

“Dad, wait!” he cried as his father stepped back. Before he could utter a single word more, his father vanished in a blink.

He felt a stab of pain in his side, then another from his leg. The wail became an urgent howl as the light above began to flash in rapid succession. A huge burst of pain hit him all at once and he fell on the ground, curled in agony. Sounds began amplifying, confusing in their complexity and volume. The Camp faded away and he was suddenly aware of coldness and the sensation of water on his face. Loud noises... voices, he realized... echoed above him in the dark. Something grasped his shoulders, hard. There was a huge sound like tortured metal being ripped, and an immense burst of fresh pain…

He had to concentrate with every bit of energy to focus. A face, hovering overhead, familiar but not quite...

Howie.

It was Howie, and he was saying something that sounded urgent. Kevin frowned as he fought for clarity. He opened his mouth to reply but was unable to make any sound other than a groan. For a brief moment everything faded, then snapped back into focus.

"...come on, Bro... Look at me. Kevin? Can you hear me?" came Howie’s desperate plea.

"H- unh…"

"Easy there,” said a stranger’s voice. It belonged with a face he didn’t know. “We just got you out of the car, you need to keep calm. Where does it hurt? Leg?"

Kevin found that if he steeled himself, he could nod briefly.

"How about your side?"

A wave of blinding pain shot through him, nearly blotting out his consciousness. It was hard to pinpoint a specific spot, it was coming from so many places, but he finally nodded.

"Okay. Kevin, hang in there. The ambulance just arrived and they’ll be getting you to the hospital right away.”

“Where’s… Howie…” he managed to croak.

“Right here,” came the worried reply from his side. “I’m right here, Kev. I called the guys, they were only about fifteen minutes behind us. Just… take it easy." Howie was trying hard to be calm, but even in his current state Kevin could hear the panic in his voice.

The ambulance’s flashing red lights came close, its sirens going silent as it pulled up. He was drifting in and out of awareness, seeking an anchor in the chaos.

"Dad?" he called raggedly, searching for that comfort once again. There was no reply at first, then he heard one phrase echo gently through his mind:

Courage, son, you are not alone.

Kevin felt a wash of warmth and caught an image of flowers bobbing in the breeze. Hundreds of flowers...

"...was that? What did you say?" the rescue worker asked as he went about his task.

"Dad," he sighed softly, reassured by the image. "Dad..."

"Kevin, focus, okay? Don’t go out on me again…" he heard Howie say desperately.

"Yes... will t-try. Will... fight...” Kevin whispered in promise.

Uncertainly, Howie watched his brother shift focus. The light behind green eyes faded as he slipped into unconsciousness.

"Dammit, hang in there," he urged. "Don’t let this thing get you."

“It’s going to be all right,” the rescue worker said to the distraught Howie. “It’s best he isn’t awake when we try to move him. I need you to step aside and let the others through.”

Howie stood uncertainly, not knowing quite what to do next. Hearing a shout, he turned to see Nick, who had just arrived with AJ. The pair rushed toward the wrecked car.

“Where’s Brian?” he asked before they had stopped.

“He’s over there talking to a cop,” said AJ with a gesture. “Trying to get some information.”

"Oh my God!" the youngest cried when he saw the twisted metal and broken glass. "H-Howie?” he asked, his voice a pitch above normal. He couldn’t bring himself to look past the vehicle, did not want to see…

"There was this car, it ran us off the road, right into the telephone pole,” came the rushed explanation. “The rain made things worse," he added unnecessarily.

“Are… are you okay?” AJ wrenched his eyes from the prone figure on the ground to his clearly panicked friend.

“I’m fine, I think. Just some scratches. We hit… on the driver’s side,” Howie managed to say. “He… it looks pretty bad.”

Nick forced himself to look down but was uprepared for what he found. He let out a gasp; Kevin’s clothing was covered with blood, the large cut on his forehead flowing freely despite the worker’s attempts to apply pressure. His leg was at an unnatural angle, obviously broken... his skin was paler than he’d thought possible. Bruises had already started to form along his jaw… his labored breathing rattled disturbingly, audible even from a distance. This isn’t Kevin, it can’t be…this isn’t happening…

"Has he been awake at all? Did he say anything?" AJ asked, moving out of the way of the paramedics who had just arrived.

"He’s been pretty much out of it, he was calling for someone for a bit," Howie said, letting a professional rescue worker take his place at Kevin’s side.

"Who?" he asked.

"His Dad,” Howie provided. “We- whoa!”

His cry snapped AJ’s attention over to Nick, who was staring in utter shock at the scene. His face drained of color; an instant later the blond’s eyes rolled upwards and it was all AJ could do to keep him from hitting the wet pavement face first. With Howie’s help, they lowered Nick to the ground.

Brian ran over, his blue eyes wild. “What happened?”

“Nicky-” AJ began.

“Kevin!” Brian exclaimed as he looked beyond the youngest. He automatically moved forward, trying to reach his cousin’s side, but Howie held him back.

“No, Bri, let them work. Let them do their job,” he urged.

“What happened?” Brian demanded again. “Howie, did you get hurt?”

“I don’t know how, but I barely got a scratch,” the dark-haired man answered.

“You’ll need to be checked out, sir,” said a calm voice behind them. “Can you come this way with me?”

Gently, the paramedic took Howie by the arm and led him away from the scene while another crouched by the slightly stirring Nick. Brian and AJ hovered anxiously while the new paramedic glanced their way.

“Was he involved in the accident?” the woman asked, turning back to her charge and checking for signs of awareness.

“No, he just kind of passed out after he saw- saw Kevin lying there,” AJ managed to explain.

“Yeah, he’s kind of shocky, but I think he’ll be okay. Are you related?”

“We’re family,” Brian supplied without hesitation.

“What’s his name?” she asked.

“Nick,” AJ said.

The paramedic leaned close and checked pupil response and pulse, then listened to his breathing for a moment. With a nod, she leaned forward and called to him in a loud voice. After a couple of tries and a small ammonia tablet held under his nose, Nick gasped and leapt into the conscious world once again.

Confusion gave way to embarrassment rather quickly, and a hot blush replaced the pallor of his skin when he realized that a paramedic… a woman paramedic… was staring at him very intently.

Brian crouched down and put a hand on his best friend’s shoulder. “Frack, you okay now?”

“Yeah, I didn’t mean to… to pass out,” he mumbled.

The paramedic patted his arm and gave him a kind smile. “It’s perfectly understandable, it happens a lot more than you might think. Let’s all get out of this drizzle, if you feel like you can stand now.”

Nick was grateful for her professional attitude, and felt a bit of his embarrassment vanish. “Yeah, I can walk, I’m okay.”

AJ supported his elbow for the first shaky steps until Nick grew steady. By the time they reached the rescue unit he was doing fine. He turned and looked past Brian just in time to see Kevin lifted onto a stretcher.

“K-Kevin?” he said in a trembling voice.

“He’s is in good hands, the best,” the paramedic assured him. “Are you feeling okay now, hon?”

“Um, yeah, I think so,” came the distracted reply.

“Okay then. I’ve got to ride in with the squad, I imagine you will want to come to the hospital in your vehicle. Do you know where Mercy Memorial is located?”

“Yes ma’am,” Brian said as the ambulance doors shut on both Howie and the still-unconscious Kevin.

“Good. Drive carefully, now, you don’t want to add to the drama any more tonight.”

The three remaining Boys stood there numbly, the impact of the accident and what had happened taking its toll. Finally, as the ambulance pulled away, Brian found his voice.

“Let’s get going, guys. There’s a ton of calls and stuff we have to make once we get there.”

The ride to the hospital was completed in silence.

****** 

Kevin drifted through a gray fog that seemed boundless. Muffled sounds came and went, strange flashes of light appeared unexpectedly. Once, the fog cleared for a brief moment and he found himself staring up at a friend: Howie. He saw dark eyes open wide and a mouth move to speak, but the fog returned before he could catch the words.

Eventually things began to clarify and he found he could distinguish mechanical sounds from voices. With effort, he concentrated on the voices, trying to comprehend what was being said. There were two people nearby, their low, rapid words difficult to understand. A little more concentration...

"...told me that it could be any time now. Howie swears he woke up once. He says Kev seemed to recognize him but went out before he could ask him anything." Brian?

"He’ll be in a world of hurt when he comes to. He’s got a hell of a lot of healing to do." AJ.

"We’ll be there for him, Bro. He’s done so much for us, for the family."

"Yeah. You know, he’s lucky he even survived. That car… it was a miracle he came out of it at all. I still don’t know how D skated with just a minor concussion."

A voice came closer. Brian's voice.

"Hang in there, cuz," he said softly. "We’re pulling for you. I don’t know if you can hear me, but-”

"Bri..." Kevin breathed, surprised he could speak. With an Olympic effort he opened his eyes and tried to focus. Images- a face, a light, a curtain- whirled dizzily before him and he inhaled deeply, trying to steady the scene. When things finally began to settle down he saw his cousin’s worried face hovering above him. The look of concern there touched him deeply; he tried for a smile but didn’t really succeed. It seemed much easier to simply shut his eyes again…

"Kevin! Try to stay awake... AJ’s gone to get the doctor."

"Not want... doctor," he said, frowning.

Brian smiled nervously. "You’re a patient for the time being, and doctors come with the territory. How’s the pain?"

"Pain..." He considered it. "No pain. Feel... kinda strange. Dizzy. Fuzzy."

"No wonder. They said you’ve got a concussion, among other things. Do you remember what happened?"

"Um. Went to... to the Camp. He told me..."

"He? Who, Kev?"

"Dad. He told me about my... about my Garden."

Brian frowned. “Your garden?" he inquired carefully.

"Yeah. He took me to-"

"Well, Mr. Richardson, I see you’re finally awake!" said a voice full of cheer. “I’m Dr. Linda Meyers,” she said as she glanced over a clipboard. “You’ve had quite an evening. How are you feeling?”

"I’m not sure," he said hollowly. All at once his energy seemed to desert him and he shut his eyes for a moment. "I... don’t..."

In an assuring, gentle tone, the doctor said, "Easy there. You’ve been through the wringer. Don’t exhaust yourself. It’s going to be okay."

Kevin felt a hand on his arm. He summoned the will to open his eyes again, just long enough to see the woman watching him carefully. “Your body is telling you to rest, and that’s what you need most right now. Don’t worry, we can talk more when you wake the next time.” She made a few notes on the chart and left quietly once she was assured that Kevin was resting properly.

From the other side of the bed, Brian watched Kevin’s emerald eyes cloud over as he drifted under once again. Not for the first time he felt a wave of anxiety. To see Kevin this way, to know how close he’d come to death, sent a chill through the blond. He’d always hated hospitals, and now…

AJ moved close and said, “I’ll go check on Howie and Nick if you want to stay here for a while.”

“Yeah, thanks, Bone.” He pulled a chair next to the bed and began the wait.

*******

“D?” AJ said as he came into the room. Sure enough, Nick was nearby, looking utterly lost.

“C’mon in,” Howie said, gesturing. “They want me to stay the night for observation. They say I have a mild concussion, but it’s nothing to worry over.”

AJ sat down and ran a hand across his face. “What the hell happened, D?”

Howie took a measured breath. “It all went so fast, some of it’s just a blur. We were driving along and everything was fine, we were not even doing the speed limit… you know good old law-abiding Kevin.”

“Oh, yeah.”

“I remember he turned to me and said something, and I looked up just in time to see this pair of headlights…” Howie suppressed a shudder. “I don’t think the other car even stopped. Kev lost control of our car and the next thing I know there was this terrible noise and I was seeing stars. I guess I might have been out of it for a minute or so, but when I got my senses back I realized that Kevin was hurt, bad. My cell was in my pocket, and I called 911… then you guys. He wouldn’t wake up, and I got out to see if I could pry open the driver’s door. It was jammed tight, so I just had to… to wait,” he said in an increasingly shaky voice.

AJ reached over and grasped his friend’s arm. “There’s no way I would have been that cool-headed, D. You did good.”

“To see him bleeding like that, so pale and-”

“You did the right thing,” AJ insisted. “Don’t beat yourself up over something you had no control over.”

Nick, who had been uncharacteristically silent the entire time, finally spoke.

“Is Kevin going to die?” he whispered, his azure eyes wide and frightened.

AJ was surprised at how young Nick sounded in that moment. Feeling older by decades rather than just two years, he turned to the blond and said, “They’re watching him real close, Nicky. He’s not going to die.”

“You don’t know that!” came the sudden outburst as the youngest leapt to his feet. “What if there’s something they forgot to look for? What if they-”

“Nick, calm down…”

“How am I supposed to be calm when Kevin is-”

“What’s going on here?” came a stern voice from the doorway.

“Sorry, ma’am,” Howie said to the scowling nurse. “We didn’t mean to get loud.”

“Aren’t you with Mr. Richardson?” she asked after studying the trio. “Brought in a while ago from a car accident?”

“Yeah,” he said. “How is he doing?”

“I’m afraid I’m not assigned to his section,” she said. “If you promise to keep the noise level down, I’ll find out for you if you’d like.”

“Thanks,” Howie said with a slight nod.

The moment she left, Nick walked to the window and fixed his gaze on the darkness beyond. The flare of panic he’d let get the best of him a moment ago had vanished, and he felt foolish at his outburst.

AJ and Howie exchanged glances. At a nod from the older man, AJ moved to their brother’s side.

“Chaos?” he said carefully.

“Sorry,” came the tense reply. Nick didn’t turn around.

“It’s okay, we’re all worried. Why don’t you trade places with Brian for a while? You haven’t seen Kevin since we arrived here.”

“No,” Nick said flatly. Images of blood and pale flesh assaulted his vision. “I… no. You go.”

“I’ve been,” AJ said, frowning. “I think you need to see him.”

“You don’t have a c-clue what I need,” Nick said, his voice catching slightly. Without as much as a look at the two other Boys, he spun on his heel and fled the room.

AJ made a move to follow but was stopped by Howie. “No, let him go. He needs to get a handle on things first, he’ll be back.”

“Damn, Howie,” AJ said, rubbing at his eyes. “This has been one hell of a night.”

“Yeah,” came the tired agreement.

*******  

Nick walked down the hall blindly, trying desperately to resist the tears that threatened. With each step he berated himself for his weakness, his ridiculous behavior first at the accident scene and then in Howie’s room. He nearly collided with someone as he cleared a corner; quick reflexes saved them both from a mishap. He mumbled an apology, not even looking the person in the eye, and ducked into an open elevator. He didn’t know where he was going, he only wanted to get away.

He sniffed back the threat of tears and bit the inside of his lip, determined not to have yet another embarrassing public display. The other two occupants, a woman and a small girl, barely glanced his way, a fact he was deeply grateful for. When the elevator stopped at their floor, he exited as well. He had walked down the corridor a fair distance before he saw the sign hung above: Neonatal Care. He paused for a second, not quite sure what that meant, then realized he was on the ‘baby’ floor. He needed time and solitude to get his thoughts sorted, and he seriously doubted AJ or Brian would think to look for him in that particular ward. He figured that until someone told him to leave, he’d hang out there for a while.

There was a small alcove that fit his needs perfectly. Surrounded by windows that looked out across the hospital grounds, the seating area was comfortable and, more importantly, empty. He chose a chair facing the central window and sank down gracelessly. He rubbed his eyes tiredly, and took a few deep breaths as he settled down to think.

The horrifying image of Kevin bleeding onto the wet, black pavement sprang to mind almost instantly, and he choked back a sob. He shook his head in defiance, willing the vision to fade. He’d never seen his oldest brother so helpless, so… vulnerable. For some reason, the idea that Kevin could be hurt, seriously hurt, didn’t seem possible. He was one of the strongest people he knew. For the life of him, Nick couldn’t wrap his mind around the idea that Kevin was… that he might…

That he might die.

The thought sent a terrified chill through his soul. How could it have happened that quickly? Not twenty minutes before the accident, they had all been joking and making plans for the next day. He’d never seen an accident scene up close; it was a million times worse than anything he’d imagined, anything he’d seen at the movies or on television. He wished he could go back and erase the images, change what had happened, but he knew he couldn’t.

He didn’t understand how the others were staying so together. Didn’t they realize how bad things were? AJ said that Kevin had asked for his father, called out like he could see him. That was the most terrifying part of all: his father had died years ago, and that could only mean that Kevin was just on the edge of death itself.

Nick wiped away the traitorous wetness on his cheek and drew his knees up, wrapping his arms around them and lowering his head. He simply couldn’t imagine Kevin not being in his life any more. Who would he turn to when he needed advice or answers? Who could he go to with problems about his career or love life? It was Kevin who had helped him overcome homesickness, loneliness, and a few broken hearts over the years. Kevin who had taken care of him when he was sick and needing comfort; Kevin who helped him believe in his dreams and to strive for more. There were some new issues he’d wanted opinions on, some really big stuff; now, he wasn’t sure Kevin would be around to ask. And what would happen to the BSB? He didn’t even know what life would be like without the group, had never seriously considered it. He wasn’t sure he could do anything else.

He couldn’t help the tears that slipped past his resolve. How long he sat like that he had no clue, but eventually the pounding in his head grew too intense to ignore. He unfolded, stretched, and leaned forward toward the windows and the night beyond.

His thoughts were interrupted by a rather pronounced growl from his stomach. He glanced at his watch, dully noting that it was past midnight. His headache hitched up a degree and he decided that finding a soda machine would be his best bet.

First, though, he found a restroom so he could splash some cold water on his face. He stared in shock when he caught his reflection in the mirror: he looked like hell. His eyes were red and swollen; tear tracks were easily visible on his overly pale face. It took a few minutes and a lot of cold water to make himself minimally presentable. He resumed his quest, looking -if not feeling- somewhat better.

There was a row of snack machines not too far away and he quickly made a selection. He had no appetite, but the soda was cold and sweet, and the bubbles seemed to calm his stomach a bit. He walked back to the alcove and resumed his seat, lost in thought once again.

A reflection in the glass broke him out of his mental wanderings. He turned around out of mild curiosity; he was met by a pair of weary, dark eyes. It was a girl… no, a woman… about his age, her extended tummy evidence of her advanced pregnancy. She looked worn out, as if she hadn’t rested in days. She managed a thin smile.

“Hi,” she said as she rubbed her lower back with one hand.

“Hi there,” he replied uncertainly.

“Am I intruding?” she asked tiredly.

“No, here… sit down,” he said, quickly getting up and offering his seat.

“There’s plenty of chairs,” she said with a vague look of puzzlement.

“This one has the best view,” he provided. “Are you… okay?”

She lowered herself awkwardly onto the chair and let out a large breath. “I will be as soon as Junior here decides to stop faking me out and make his debut.”

“Huh?”

“I’ve been in labor all day,” she said unhappily. At his alarmed look, she gave him a truer smile. “Don’t worry, I’m not about to give birth during the next ten minutes. You’re safe.”

He ran a hand through his hair and relaxed a bit. “Is this, um, your first baby?”

“Yeah,” she said, patting her stomach. “Might be my last if he doesn’t get the ball rolling. Don’t believe that ‘joys of motherhood’ story for a second.”

Nick didn’t know how to reply, so he remained silent.

“My name’s Jeannie,” she said.

“I’m Nick,” he answered.

“I know,” she said, surprising him. “I recognized your face. It figures that I’d meet someone famous when I look my absolute worst.”

“I think you look great,” he blurted before he could stop himself.

She laughed. “You’re being kind, but thanks. How come you’re here? Girlfriend having a baby?”

“Oh, no,” he said, blushing a bit. “No, my… someone I know was in an accident earlier. I kinda needed to get away for a while, you know?”

“And here I am bothering you.” She struggled to rise, accepting his hand when offered. “I’m sorry. I should be walking anyway.”

“No, I… do you mind if I walk with you? Ah, my legs need stretching.” He hovered close, a slight look of apprehension on his face.

She grinned. “Nick, trust me, I’m not about to become a mother yet. But if you want to walk, sure. Come on.”

They walked slowly down the corridor, past the vending machines and on to a large glassed-in viewing area. There, behind the windows, were eleven tiny babies dressed in blues and pinks. Jeannie touched the cool surface of the glass and smiled.

“Beautiful, aren’t they?” she said in a soft voice. “But not as beautiful as my baby will be. I know it."

Nick gazed at all the new life before them. He looked at Jeannie’s face and saw a tired but joyful smile there.

“I bet you’re right,” he said. “Do you know if it will be a boy or a girl?”

“I chose to be surprised. All I really want is a healthy baby.”

“What names have you picked out?”

“I like Lauren Renee for a girl… but a boy, hmm. I’ve always liked Nickolas Gene.”

Azure eyes grew wide; he couldn’t tell if she were teasing or not. “Uh, wouldn’t that bother your husband… er, or boyfriend… whatever?”

At that, she smiled and gave a resolved sigh. “Nope, he’s out of the picture. It’s me and Junior, just the two of us.” She sighed and stretched a little. “You know,” she said quietly, “I never expected it to be like this. All of a sudden, my life will shift from being ‘me, me, me’ to ‘him’ or ‘her’. I won’t be the most important person in my world any longer. That sounds strange, but I think it’s the best thing to ever happen to me. A year ago I was so self-centered it was pathetic. But now, it’s my turn to give, my turn to offer comfort and love and caring.” She gave another sigh and winced. “Sorry, chalk it up to pregnancy hormones. I’m sure you don’t need to hear me go on and on about my personal philosophy on life.”

“No, it’s okay,” he replied. “It’s something I never had to think about.”

“Well, I better get back to my room before they send out the search parties,” Jeannie said. “Thanks for talking, and good luck with your friend.”

“Thanks, and good luck with the baby.” He watched as she shuffled away, thinking over her words as they echoed in his head.

…A year ago I was so self-centered it was pathetic. But now, it’s my turn to give, my turn to offer comfort and love and caring…

Nick realized, in a sudden burst of clarity, that he had been acting incredibly selfish. Not an hour ago, he had been agonizing about how much his life was going to change if something happened to Kevin. About how it all would affect him, Nick Carter. How self-centered was that? Jeannie was facing something so huge, yet she had figured it out. Instead of thinking about himself, he shoud be focusing on Kevin, on how to help him. And not only Kevin, the rest of his brothers, and Kristen when she got there.

He blinked at the thought. Yes, Kevin needed him, now more than ever. No matter what happened, he had to stop thinking about himself. He only hoped he would be equal to the task.

******** 

When Kevin drifted into the waking world again he was greeted with a headache that seemed to grow with each passing second. He flinched at its sharpness but fought against it, waiting as the pain faded to a tolerable level. No one was there this time, but he found the call button near his right hand and pressed. Only seconds passed before the door opened and in stepped a nurse. Her friendly, efficient smile seemed to lighten the room.

"I was on my way in here when I saw the call flash. How are you doing?"

"Have a hell of a headache," he replied, wincing a bit at the light.

"I’ll ask the doctor if we can give you some painkillers. There’s no sense in suffering pain needlessly, your body has enough to fight as it is."

"I remember... before. I saw you, right?"

"That’s right." She adjusted his IV and checked his chart. "I’ve been checking on you for the last few hours, but I didn’t think you were awake enough to remember."

"How long have I been... here?"

"It’s been a little while. Let me get the doctor, Mr. Richardson. She’ll want to speak to you now that you’re up.”

In what seemed like just a few seconds the doctor came in, giving him a slight grin. “Hello again, Mr. Richardson. I see you’re awake.”

“Kevin,” he breathed, “call me… Kevin.”

“Thank you,” she said, moving closer to his side. “Nurse Jones tells me you’re in a bit of pain. That true?”

“Yeah, m’head, and… and all over.”

She scribbled something on the chart before setting it down. While the nurse worked on the IV, the doctor felt his forehead, then spoke in a soothing voice. “I need to ask you a few questions, then I’ll let you rest. Do you know why you’re here, in the hospital?”

“I think some kind of accident,” he said slowly. “Howie, something about Howie… is he, he okay?”

“Howard Dorough? He’s doing very well, he had only slight injuries, mostly bruises and scrapes and a minor concussion. We’re keeping him here overnight just to be sure.”

“I thought I saw him earlier.”

“I heard he snuck in here to see you,” she smiled. “He wouldn’t submit to treatment until he was sure you were settled in. Your other friends are visiting with him now if I’m not mistaken. The nurses had to practically drag one of them out of here a bit ago.”

“Who?” he asked tiredly.

“I’m not sure of his name. He has dark blond hair, sort of wavy, blue eyes, is about my height…”

“Brian,” Kevin provided. “My cousin.”

She checked his vitals for a moment and said, “Okay, Kevin, back to those questions. Do you know what day it is?”

It should have been a simple question, but he had a hard time figuring out the answer.

“Um… it’s Saturday.”

"Hmm. Okay. Actually it’s a bit later than that, but a little time loss is normal with a concussion like yours. What do you remember about getting injured?"

It was difficult to think. Images flickered but refused to stabilize, the pain began to increase and he stopped trying to recall.

"No. It’s all... confusing. Someone said... they were saying something about a car crash. I don’t seem to remember much other than Howie was there."

"Understandable. Give it time, don’t force things."

"Was... was anyone else, ah, in... involved?" he said slowly as the sedatives began taking effect.

"Just your car and a light pole, I believe.” She watched as his eyelids closed. “Rest now, Kevin. Get some strength back."

He was enveloped in a cottony cloud not a moment later. The doctor watched his vitals slow and made notes on his chart.

"You’ve got a long road ahead of you," she muttered. "And it won’t be easy."

*******

Brian hung up the phone and rubbed his eyes tiredly. Normally it wouldn’t have been up to him to handle things like security measures, contacting management, getting insurance information, and making whatever travel arrangements might be needed. But Kevin wasn’t able to take care of things in his usual efficient way…

A small twinge of pain came with the thought. They’d always relied on Kevin to get things done, to keep things organized and connected. In just a few hours, Brian was beginning to realize how hard his cousin had to work to keep up the illusion of smoothness. Little ruffled the eldest; now, however, it was all up to him and AJ to keep it together. Nick was nowhere to be found, and Howie needed attention, not the burden of responsibility.

Back in his room, Howie was resting fitfully, the staff not allowing him to sleep normally because of his concussion. It was obvious that he was feeling guilty over the accident, and nothing Brian or AJ had said seemed to make a difference. The only reassurance that would matter would have to come from Kevin himself… and there was no way of telling when that might be.

AJ seemed to be holding up well; he hadn’t left Howie’s side for hours but it wasn’t due to worry or fear. Once the initial shock of the accident had worn off, he’d proven to be calm and matter-of-fact in his attitude. He had told Brian that since helping Kevin was out of his hands, the least he could do was watch over Howie. His continued attempts to distract the older man, and to keep him awake, showed just how much he cared for his brother. AJ might be outwardly outrageous, encouraging his wild and carefree reputation, but his loyalty ran true in the things that mattered.

Brian’s smile at the thought shifted as he considered their youngest brother.

Nick’s reactions scared him, truth be told. No one had seen him since he’d fled Howie’s room; despite the other Boys’ insistence that he’d be back when he was ready, Brian was concerned. He knew Nick would never leave the hospital, but they hadn’t been able to figure out just where it was he had gone to. He’d checked a few places but lacked both the energy and the patience to do a true search. They’d left a message at the floor’s nursing station, just in case he stopped there, but Brian didn’t think it would matter. Nick was scared, maybe more afraid than he’d ever been before, and there wasn’t a damned thing Brian could do until he reappeared.

Brian sighed. He wasn’t sure he could do anything anyway. What could he say to reassure Nick when he was scared to death himself? He hated hospitals, hated feeling helpless and unsure and like he was going to break down at any second. All he wanted to do was to go far away from the reality and the fear and the pain of it all, to feel Leigh’s loving arms around him, to have someone tell him it would be all right, for a miracle to occur and erase the terrible event…

But he knew that wouldn’t happen.

The doctors were keeping a close watch on Kevin; only time, they said, would reveal the extent of his injuries and the amount of damage that had been done. Leigh wouldn’t be able to come for at least three days; while he knew she wanted to be there supporting him, her mother needed her more, and he’d told her to stay where she could do some good. And instead of being reassured, he’d had to pretend to be confident and cool when contacting his Aunt and parents with the news. They were relying on him to keep strong, to keep the faith. He knew it would be a true test of his belief before the ordeal was over with.

The call to Kristen had been the worst. He had explained things as calmly as possible, but he knew how deeply she and Kevin felt about one another; sure enough, she’d almost fallen apart on the phone. He had to fight his own tears while she wept in reaction; thankfully, she pulled herself together and they made plans for her flight back. Luckily the production crew only needed her for one more day of filming anyway; she would be taking a private jet back East the next evening so she could focus on her most important priority.

Not willing to go back to Howie’s room just yet, and not sure he would be allowed back in Kevin’s, Brian headed for the cafeteria to get something to eat. At almost one in the morning, the place was practically deserted, only a few residents and staff scattered at the tables. He grabbed a bag of cookies and a cup of coffee, got the same to go for AJ, and settled down at an isolated spot. As he sipped the dark, sweet liquid he shut his eyes, hoping that the caffeine would clear his head a bit. He debated whether it was worth trying to convince AJ to go home and get some rest. He dismissed the idea almost as quickly as it had appeared. AJ wouldn’t be able to rest even if he was somehow made to leave; Brian understood perfectly. To that end, he decided that he’d take up the staff’s offer to ‘house’ the three Boys in the Resident’s lounge. Publicity was a major issue; both he and the hospital wanted as little as possible right now. The consensus was that if AJ, Nick and Brian stayed at the hospital until the next day, there was little chance of being discovered. Of course, the news would leak out, but the tactic should gain them at least a day of peace. Then, they would know something more on Kevin’s condition and would be better able to make press statements and answer questions.

He nearly groaned at the thought of dealing with the media intrusion. He understood that part of his job was being in the spotlight, but there were times that it was unwelcome. Brian wondered distractedly how long it would take before the word got out. If they were lucky, it wouldn’t be until late tomorrow... but he didn’t count on it.

The cookies were surprisingly good, and he found himself wolfing them down once he took the first bite. He was almost halfway finished his coffee when he heard a small noise behind his shoulder. When he turned around, he found himself looking into tired azure eyes.

“Hey, Frick,” came the soft greeting.

Brian was relieved to see Nick standing there and gestured to a chair at once. “Come on, sit down,” he said, his eyes scanning the tall figure.

Without a word, Nick took the seat across the small table and sat down heavily. He put his face in his hands for a second, then looked at Brian again.

“Any word?”

“Nothing significant,” Brian answered. “They kind of kicked me out after a while, told me to take a break and get some rest.”

Nick gave a small snort. “Like any of us can rest right now.”

Brian nodded, then studied the blond closely. “How you doing, Bro?”

A shrug. Then, “I guess you heard about… well, the way I behaved.” He stared down at his hands resting on the table.

“AJ told me,” Brian admitted. “Been worried about you. Where did you go?”

“It doesn’t matter,” Nick said. “Look, I want to apologize, I haven’t been very helpful during all this. Has anyone contacted management, whatever?”

“Yeah, I just finished a few minutes ago.”

“What about Kris?” he asked as evenly as he could.

“Her too. She’s flying back tomorrow night… er, that would be tonight, now. Seems she was scheduled to wrap up her scenes and stuff anyway, so once she gets back, she’ll be here to stay.”

“Good,” Nick said, nodding. He frowned for a moment, then ran a hand through his hair. Finally meeting his friend’s eyes, he said, “How are you doing? I mean, with this being a hospital and all…”

Brian’s eyebrows raised slightly at the question. “It’s not about me, Kevin’s the one who-”

“Bri,” came the tired, serious interruption. “Come on.”

He leaned back and took a sip of coffee, then stared up at the ceiling. In a low voice he confessed, “It’s hard, Nick. Damned hard. It’s bad enough dealing with Kevin and Howie being here, and all that’s happened… but this place is conjuring up too many memories.”

“Sorry,” came the apologetic whisper.

“Not your fault,” Brian said. “You… sure you’re okay?”

“I’m tired,” was all the answer he got.

Silence drifted between them for a minute or so, each lost in their private thoughts. Finally, checking his watch, Brian drained the last of his coffee and gathered up the now empty bag. “I’m going to bring AJ something, he’s camped out in Howie’s room. Then I’m going to try and convince him to catch some sleep in the Resident’s lounge. How about you grab a bite of something and come with me?”

Nick shook his head. “I’m not hungry,” he began, then stopped abruptly. “But… sure, we can go up together. Maybe we could all use some rest, huh?”

Brian was too weary to figure out his best friend’s odd responses; it would have to be mulled over later, when he had a clearer head and more time to think. For now, it was enough to have Nick by his side.

Together, the pair left the cafeteria to join their brothers once again.

******* 

“…so as soon as we finish up the paperwork, you’ll be discharged, Mr. Dorough,” said the young nurse as she finished recording vital signs.

“What about going to sleep?” came a raspy voice from the other side of the room.

“The doctor will be in to explain it all, but I think the danger’s passed.” She smiled at AJ, then back at Howie. “Breakfast will be up in a bit, is there anything else I can get you? Either of you?”

“No,” Howie replied in an exhausted tone. “I’ll just be glad to get out of here.” He paused for a second, then hastily added, “Not that there’s anything wrong with the care or anything…”

She laughed. “Oh, we get a lot of that here,” she said as she placed the chart in its holder. “No offense taken.”

AJ stood and stretched, wincing as cramped muscles protested. The hospital bed he’d spent the night in wasn’t exactly the highest quality. “I am in major need of coffee,” he said.

“I’ll see what I can do,” she said. “But, none for you, Mr. Dorough,” she added apologetically. “With your condition and the meds they’ll probably prescribe...”

“The only thing I want to do is to go home, collapse into a real bed, and sleep. There’s no chance I’d drink something that might keep me awake!”

“Good,” she said. “I’ll be right back.”

When she had left, Howie sank back into his pillow and rubbed his face. “Damn, Bone, I am so tired.”

“I don’t doubt it,” came the reply. “At least I was able to catch a few minutes here and there.”

Howie sighed, then looked at his best friend. “I wonder if Brian and Nick were able to sleep at all.”

“Nick looked ready to drop,” he said, remembering. “Of course, Bri didn’t look too hot either. Hopefully they got some kind of rest.”

“Yeah.”

“Hello,” called a bright voice from the doorway. “Food services, breakfast delivery!”

Howie sat up as the older woman brought in a tray and set it on the wheeled table by his bed. “There you go, honey.”

“Thank you, ma’am,” he said politely, tentatively lifting off the plastic cover and sniffing. Surprisingly, it smelled good, and he immediately picked up a napkin.

“And here you are, sweetheart,” she said as she set another tray before AJ. “You boys enjoy your breakfast.”

“Thanks,” AJ said, hiding a grin at the woman’s motherly, efficient tone. He hadn’t been called ‘sweetheart’ by anyone in a long, long time.

Howie caught the gleam in his brother’s eyes and smiled as the woman left the room. “Sweetheart?”

“Honey?” AJ replied, glad to see the amusement on Howie’s face. “Maybe she’s a fan.”

Howie laughed, the first time since the accident. “She has no clue who we are,” he said. “Actually it’s kind of nice. I don’t think I could handle fans on any level right now.”

“I hear that,” AJ agreed, uncovering his plate. “Hey, this doesn’t look half bad,” he said.

They were eating in silence when the nurse returned.

“Here you go, Mr. McLean,” she said, handing him a large cup of coffee.

“Hey, thanks,” he said sincerely, taking the steaming brew.

“The doctor was talking to your two friends by the Nurse’s station, I imagine they’ll be here in a minute. I’ll be right outside until the doctor needs me back in here.”

He watched her leave and focused back on his meal, wondering how Nick and Brian had fared. He didn’t have to wait long for an answer.

“Hey guys,” came Brian’s voice half a minute later. Nick came in behind him, holding a large bundle.

“Hey,” Howie said with a tired smile. “What’s the package?”

“Management sent some stuff over,” Nick replied in a not-quite-awake voice. “Clothes, mostly. Bri told them your clothes were dirty from…” he stopped and swallowed. “From last night.”

Howie nodded, remembering the unpleasant mix of mud, blood, and rain.

“How many clothes does Howie need?” AJ asked, frowning.

“There’s a change of clothes for all of us,” Nick said. “Since we don’t know how long… um.” He blinked. “Well, you know.”

“Have you seen Kevin?” AJ asked uncomfortably, his meal forgotten.

“I did,” offered Brian. “He hasn’t woken up yet. They said his temperature is a bit high, but they expected that.” He drew in a deep breath. “It’s all about waiting, now.”

Silence descended on the four. It was the arrival of the doctor that broke the solemn spell.

He nodded at the gathering and went to Howie’s side right away.

“So, the nurse tells me you’re eager to go home, Mr. Dorough?” he said while scanning the chart.

“Yeah,” Howie answered. “All I want to do is sleep.”

“Understandable,” the man said. “How is the pain?”

Howie shot a slightly guilty look AJ’s way and said, “Well, it’s been kinda getting worse since around six.”

“I’m going to prescribe some pain medication to help you rest. Your body is already exhausted, and fighting pain will add to the problem. You need sleep, and plenty of it.”

“D, why didn’t you say anything?” AJ said, unhappy his friend hadn’t told him about the pain.

“I could handle it,” Howie said defensively.

“Hmm,” the doctor cut in. “Well, the second day after an accident brings a lot of pain, more than what a person experienced to begin with. The automatic release of endorphins that block the pain at the onset of trauma doesn’t continue on an infinite basis; the initial input of blockers have worn off by the twelve hour mark, and the body is unable to produce a sufficient supply to keep ahead of the pain caused by tissue damage.”

His explanation was met by silence, and he looked up. With a shake of his head, he said, “Sorry. What I mean is, a person hurts worse the second day, and even moreso the third. That’s when medication does the most good. You’ll have to give your body the rest it requires to heal. Unfortunately, what I need to prescribe will be quite strong and will make you very drowsy. We’ll give you the first dose in injection form, but the rest will be pills. I can’t let you drive, you’ll have to get a ride back home. Now, who will be staying with you while you recover?”

“Uh, no one,” Howie said. “I live alone.”

The doctor shook his head. “You won’t be able to drive, cook, or do much of anything for at least 24 hours. You need to take your medicine at regular intervals, and someone must watch you for any adverse effects of the drugs. If there’s no one, we’ll keep you here for another day-”

“I’ll stay with him,” AJ declared flatly.

“No, Aje,” Howie began to protest.

“You don’t get a vote,” came the instant retort. “I’ll make sure he does what he’s supposed to, doc.”

“Very good,” the doctor said. “The nurse will write up clear instructions, and you’ll be able to call us here if you have any concerns or questions. I have no doubt that Mr. Dorough will rest much better at home, under your care, than he would here.”

Howie was secretly relieved and put up no futher argument. For the next few minutes, the doctor went over the basics and, once assured they had been understood, bid farewell to the group. The nurse came in, gave Howie an injection of pain medicine, left papers for him to read and sign, and gave them all a bit of privacy.

While the older Boy changed, Brian slipped out to make arrangements for a car to pick up AJ and Howie. Nick, silent during most of the visit, finally spoke.

“Bri will… Brian and I will handle the press conference later this afternoon,” he said. “It’s supposed to be at 4, if things don’t blow up before then.”

“What do they know so far?” AJ asked.

“Not much,” Nick said. “Management told Brian that because the accident happened in such an isloated spot, and was so late at night, there weren’t many onlookers. They’re making sure the hospital, as well as rescue services and police, are keeping it under wraps.” He looked at the floor. “Questions are already being asked, though… so someone has said something. Could have been practically anyone.” He shrugged, knowing that an incident of that magnitude would never be kept secret for long. “Bri’s been doing a great job,” he added quietly.

Howie’s dark eyes looked on his youngest brother with empathy, but he was unsure what to say.

“We’re going to stay here,” Nick continued after a bit, although he still kept his gaze on the tiles at his feet. “They’ll let us crash in the Resident’s lounge, there’s a shower and everything there. Bri won’t go home, at least until Leigh comes back, and I…” He sniffed and shuffled his foot. “Someone’s got to keep Brian company.”

AJ caught the pain in his brother’s voice. “You haven’t seen Kev yet, have you?”

Nick shook his head, his jaw clenching against the statement.

“Look,” Howie offered as he slowly buttoned up his shirt. “I’m going to stop by before we leave, you can come with us.”

“It’ll do you good,” promised AJ.

“I’ll go see him,” Nick said evasively, not wanting to promise specifics. Brian’s return spared him from saying more.

“There’s a car being sent, should be here in about 20 minutes. D, you ready to go?”

“After I see Kevin,” he stated. He stood up far too quickly, swayed dangerously, and nearly fell flat on his face. AJ caught his arm and steadied him for a moment.

“Sit down for a second, you don’t want to hurt yourself more,” he said urgently.

“Kinda dizzy,” Howie muttered, not understanding.

“All ready to go?” the nurse said as she bustled into the room. “Hmm, you’re looking a little pale.”

“Got up too fast,” he explained with a blush.

“That’s why when we say to take it easy, we mean it,” she said, taking his blood pressure one final time. “And also why it’s hospital policy that all patients be escorted in a wheelchair on their way out.” She took the reading from the cuff and said, “It’s the pain meds working already, I think. Do you usually have strong reactions to medication?”

“Yes, he does,” AJ answered for him. Howie didn’t bother to protest.

“All right, then, I’ll get you a wheelchair and you’ll be home that much faster.”

A few minutes later, AJ propelled Howie down the hall, Brian and Nick close behind. It didn’t take long to reach Kevin’s floor and they found his room quickly. Without hesitation, the leading pair went inside.

Although he tried to follow, Nick stopped cold in mid-step, feeling a surge of panic swell up in his chest. Images of blood and darkness flashed before his eyes and he emitted a small, choking sound as he backed up, right into Brian.

The surprised man steadied the shaking blond, moving to face him at once. “Frack?”

Blood… dark blood against too-white skin, the rattle of tortured breathing…

“I… I c-can’t, Bri,” he said, terrified. “Please…”

“You can see him later,” Brian assured him. “We’ll be here all day, we can visit once Howie and AJ leave, okay?”

Nick felt his chest tighten and suddenly found it hard to breathe. Brian realized what was happening and pulled him from the doorway.

“Deep breaths, Nick,” he commanded. “You don’t need to hyperventilate. Deep, calming breaths… c’mon Bro, don’t do this.”

Somehow the instructions made their way through the panic and fear, and Nick did as he was told. Slowly, he felt the constriction in his chest ease and he was finally able to focus on worried blue eyes.

“I’m okay,” he whispered, ashamed of his weakeness. “I’m s-sorry.”

Brian embraced him in a strong, tight hug. “Nothing to apologize for. You can do this when you’re ready.”

“Thanks,” came the barely audible response. He stepped back and shrugged off the hand on his shoulder. “I… I think I’ll catch a shower, and get changed,” he said, retrieving the bundle he’d dropped moments before. “Tell… can you tell Howie and AJ that I’ll talk to them later?”

“Sure,” Brian said softly. “I’ll join you as soon as they leave.”

As Nick hurried down the hall, Brian leaned against the wall and shut his eyes, trying to keep his emotions under control. He took a few steadying breaths, gathered up his resolve, and went through the door to deliver the message.

*******

AJ studied the look of guilt mixed with concern on Howie’s face and wondered what he could say to make things better. He knew Howie felt things very deeply; getting over this would take a while, for sure. He had no magic words, no glib advice to offer, only his support and friendship. He hoped that it would be enough.

After a moment Brian entered the room, alone, and joined the two at Kevin’s side. At AJ’s questioning gaze, Brian merely shook his head. He understood: Nick would have to come on his own terms. He couldn’t fault the kid; everyone was having trouble dealing with the situation, himself included. At least watching over Howie would be a distraction, something productive he could focus on.

“He looks pale,” Howie stated, gazing at the motionless body on the bed.

“Yeah,” Brian agreed. “The bruises don’t help.”

“Kris’ll freak,” AJ said. “You know how those two are.”

“She was really upset on the phone,” Brian said, remembering. “But she’s tough, too. I think she’ll be okay, once she gets here.”

“Maybe... by then… Kev will be… awake,” Howie said, blinking heavily.

AJ’s eyebrows raised at the slow pace of Howie’s words. “Hey, D, you falling asleep on me here?”

“I’m tired,” came the thin reply. “It’s getting hard to, to keep my eyes open.”

“Yep,” AJ said. “It’s the drugs. And that’s our cue to get going.”

“Wait,” Howie said, frowning as he concentrated. “Where’s Nick?”

“He wanted to go get a shower and change,” Brian explained. “He said that he’ll talk to you guys later.”

“Oh, okay,” came the distant reply. He yawned as his eyelids grew heavy. “Mmm.”

AJ gave Brian a wry grin. “I better get sleeping beauty downstairs. You coming?”

“Nah, I told Nick I’d join him. I’ll call in a couple of hours and see how things are going.”

“Okay, I’ll catch you later.” He wheeled the chair around, then added, “Let me know if anything… happens… before then, right?”

“Right,” came the solemn promise.

Brian watched the two leave and stood by his cousin’s side for a while longer. He smoothed out Kevin’s top blanket and fought against the despair he felt at the sight of the normally vital man lying helpless in the bed. Bending close, fighting to keep the tremble out of his voice, he said, “Come on, Kev, we need you to wake up now. You’ve slept long enough.”

There was, of course, no response.

“All right, then, you rest some more,” Brian said, his throat tight with emotion. “I’ll come back in a while. Just get better, cuz.”

He paused for another few heartbeats, vainly hoping for a sign of wakefulness. Disappointed, he gave Kevin’s hand a squeeze and left the room, wondering how on Earth he was going to get through the day.

******* 

The news conference went smoothly, all things considered. Although they had to move the time up by two hours due to a local station breaking the news early, Brian and Nick handled the barrage of questions fairly well. Whether due to the stress on their faces or the strain in their voices, something kept the media in check. While eager for information, the reporters’ questions remained civil and on track, a true rarity. Of course, heavy pressure from the hospital and the Boys’ management team to keep things low-key hadn’t hurt.

Nick had seemed reluctant to speak until Brian, choked up in a moment of emotion, had been unable to respond to a particular question. The youngest had swallowed his fear and answered as best he could; the grateful look from his brother had given him confidence and before long Nick found himself fielding a fair share of the inquiries. His answers weren’t smooth or rehearsed, but he did his best, and before too long the ordeal was over, for the time being.

As the reporters filed out of the small room, Brian leaned close to Nick and said, “I’m going to call Leigh, let her know what’s going on.”

“I’ll call AJ,” came the reply.

“We can do it from the lounge,” Brian said. “Then we can visit Kev for a bit.”

Nick looked uncertain but didn’t protest. With a non-committal shrug, he followed Brian out the door and down the hall.

While Brian spoke with his wife, Nick learned that all was well at Howie’s house. AJ told him that he’d practically had to carry their brother inside; he’d fallen fast asleep in the car before five minutes had passed. Aside from having to listen to a couple of un-funny Spanish jokes, an argument about which pajamas were the right ones to wear, and a strange song melody Howie seemed to make up on the spot, AJ hadn’t had any trouble at all. Actually, he had found the whole thing amusing; it was not often that he got to see Howie in a state that resembled a happy drunkenness.

While he didn’t have any changes to report on Kevin’s condition, Nick did tell him how the news conference had gone. AJ seemed impressed, and admitted he was relieved he didn’t have to participate in all the hoopla.

Nick hung up the phone and looked at Brian, still on his call to Leigh. The obvious tension on his face was hard to see; while Brian was trying to keep his voice as calm as possible on the phone, his knuckles were clenched white around the receiver. In that moment, Nick understood that while Kevin was his brother through the group, Brian was Kevin’s family… and their bond had existed all their lives, not just a few short years. He also realized that as together as Brian had seemed so far, it was probably harder on him than on anyone else.

Once again, Nick felt a wash of shame when he considered how selfish his recent thinking had been… and how much of a coward he’d become. If Brian could push past the terrible pain and visit Kevin, he should be able to confront reality as well. He’d made a decision to support Kevin and the others last night, yet here it was, late the next day, and he hadn’t even seen the man.

Coward…

He bit his lip as he realized how much he deserved the title. He vividly remembered an incident that had taken place a week ago, when Kevin had called him an immature brat. He’d laughed at the remark, knowing that the stunt he’d pulled had been a bit childish, but hadn’t given it a second thought. He’d told himself that Kevin’s anger was simply the result of being too uptight and not being able to take a joke.

He knew now that Kevin had hit the mark. He was an immature brat, and the accident had only proven it. Nick felt a wave of pain as he realized just how much the truth could hurt.

But he’d had enough of running, of avoiding that same truth. He knew what he had to do.

Without a word, he stood and swallowed against his fear. Giving Brian a final glance, he turned and walked toward the door.

“Nick?” came the question just as he reached for the knob. “Where are you going?”

He didn’t turn. “Where I should have gone last night,” he said. “Where I belong.”

With that, he left and headed down the hallway to where the elevators waited.

*******

He felt a cold sweep of panic hit him as he approached Kevin’s room, but he pushed past it, determined to do the right thing. He held his breath as he crossed the threshold, letting it out in surprise as he nearly ran into a figure standing just inside.

The woman looked as startled as Nick did.

“Oh, I’m… I’m sorry,” he said awkwardly. “I didn’t know-”

“No, it’s okay,” she said. “No harm done.”

“I can come back,” he said as he retreated a step.

“Really, it’s okay,” she said in a calming voice. “I gather you are one of Mr. Richardson’s friends?”

“His brother,” Nick said automatically.

She held out her hand. “I’m Dr. Meyers, the attending physician.”

He shook it and said, “My name is Nick.” He glanced nervously behind her. “How is… has he…”

She seemed to understand his distress. “He hasn’t woken yet,” she said calmly. “But that’s understandable, considering his concussion and other injuries. We’re keeping him closely monitored.” She put a hand on his arm and said, “Come on, it’s okay to see him.”

He forced his feet to move beyond the partition. There were tubes and machines and wires and monitors surrounding the pale figure in the bed; for a second, he felt overwhelmed by panic and would have bolted if not for the firm but gentle grip on his arm.

“Kevin,” he said anxiously. His wide blue eyes locked on his brother’s bruised face.

“Easy,” the woman said kindly. “I take it you haven’t visited him before now?”

He shook his head, unable to look away.

“Okay, let me explain what some of these things are. This machine, the one beeping, is the heart monitor. You can see that line, it indicates the rhythm and frequency of his heartbeat,” she said as she gestured. “This one, below it, tells us how much oxygen he’s getting in his blood. See, it’s attached to his finger by that little clip…”

Slowly, she continued on with each machine and tube and monitor. By the time she was done, Nick felt a lot more in control of his emotions. He finally managed to look into her expectant gray eyes.

“So, according to all this stuff,” he said as he tried to sort it out, “Kevin’s not doing too bad, right?”

“Nick,” she said carefully, “Kevin’s got a long way to go. Right now, he’s stable, and that’s about all we can declare. We’ve taken care of all the immediate issues; his leg and broken ribs have been tended to, and the CAT scans show about what we expected. I did speak with him earlier, and he was a bit confused but seemed to have normal comprehension. That’s a good sign.”

“But…” Nick prompted, hearing it in her voice.

“But,” she sighed, “he’s not out of the woods by any means. His temperature is higher than I’d like it to be, for one. That’s the kind of thing we have to really watch.”

“Brian said you told him a higher temperature is normal,” he frowned.

“A slight elevation, yes. But his has been steadily climbing, so that tells us there’s a problem.”

“What kind of problem?” he said, his voice hitching up a degree.

“It’s too early to tell,” she replied. “I’ve called in some specialists, we’re going over the preliminary bloodwork and tests and trying to pinpoint what’s causing it. Speaking of which, I need to get into consultation right now. You can visit as long as you like, just stay out of the way of the nurses or technicians that are going to be in and out of here.”

“Yeah, okay,” he said, feeling the tension return.

“Don’t worry,” she said with a final pat on his shoulder, “we’re going to do everything in our power to figure this out.”

He nodded and stood there for a moment after she had left. Slowly, he moved to the chair near the bed and sat down. He studied Kevin’s marred face, wondering if he was dreaming or feeling pain or aware of anything at all. He hoped it was the latter; dreams could be confusing, especially bad ones, and pain… no one should be in pain. Hoping that Kevin was unaware seemed for the best.

Leaning forward, he reached a hand up towards the large bandage on Kevin’s forehead, delicately pushing back a random strand of hair that had fallen out of place. He was reluctant to touch skin; the bruising looked painful and angry, and the last thing Nick wanted to do was cause more hurt, just in case Kevin wasn’t all that unaware.

The blond wanted to do something, anything, that would make a difference… but he couldn’t think of what that might be. He’d heard that sometimes unconscious people could hear and sense things around them, but he hadn’t a clue what to say. He was sure that Brian would have words of faith; Howie’s would be positive and uplifting, full of optimism. AJ’s would probably be laced with encouragement and humor, but his…

What could he say, when he was really just scared and worried? When he couldn’t find faith or optimism or encouragement, because he was terrified of what might happen?

In the end, he opted for truth. Hoping that Kevin would somehow understand him, he leaned close.

“Kev,” he whispered, “I don’t know how to handle this without you. I don’t have any answers. Please come back, I’m not done needing you here. None of us are.”

He was standing by the bed holding Kevin’s hand ten minutes later when Brian came into the room.

“Nick,” he said with relief. “Thank God.” Quickly he crossed the room and stood beside his best friend. “You okay?” he asked with a careful touch.

Tears that had been held back for so long were released with a sob as Nick’s tenuous grasp on control vanished. Brian simply hugged him, glad to feel the embrace returned in earnest. He didn’t try to stop his own tears as the silently trailed down his face a moment later. He, too, had been holding back far too much.

Together, they let go a large measure of their fear and pain and grief and worry… and found, astonishingly, that it had been replaced not with weakness, but with strength.

******* 

When Kevin opened his eyes, he was unhappy to find the room unbearably hot. Someone had obviously turned the thermostat too high... and what were all those blankets piled on him? It took some effort but he got rid of everything except the top sheet, breathing an exhausted sigh of relief as the coolness came. He rested for a bit, dismayed at his weakness. The coolness seemed to be increasing as time passed, which confused him a great deal. He wondered why someone had turned the air conditioner on full blast… What kind of hospital was he in? And the lights, going from too dim to way too bright… For reasons he didn’t comprehend, he found his thoughts disconnected and strange. An uncomfortable tingling seemed to spark along his skin, and he became so sensitive that even the soft cotton sheet felt abrasive.

Darkness, when it came, was a welcome change.

"...Kevin?" someone was saying intently. "Can you hear me? Kevin, look at me."

His eyelids felt like lead and it was extremely difficult to open them, but the voice compelled him to try. He focused on kind gray eyes, an oval face surrounded by dark, straight hair…

"Doc?" he asked weakly. Why was he so tired? “What’s… happening?”

She placed a cool hand on his forehead. "You’re burning up; you have a fever. You just lie there while we get these blankets back on you.”

"No... not hot. I’m s-so cold..."

"I know."

"Where-"

"Hush now, Kevin. Lie still."

"No. I have to... to..."

What was it? He couldn’t remember what he wanted to say. Suddenly, it didn’t seem to matter anymore. Things began to recede.

"Doctor?" came someone’s voice from far away.

"His fever is still way too high. Page Dr. Thompson again and call someone from the lab…"

There was a strange floaty feeling that came, then. The voices drifted in and out.

"Damn. This isn’t... looking good. Okay, let’s... get him... started on... and... at... six units... check the... draw... reports..."

"...too pale for..."

"....increase the... dose and... when..."

"...not broken... dangerously..."

"...lab... tests show..."

"...fight this..."

*******

“It’s up another degree, Doctor,” came the solemn voice as the nurse took the reading.

“Damn,” she swore softly. “It’s not working.” She let out a sigh and rubbed her eyes, searching for another solution or approach. “Eva, get another blood tox screen and send it down as a rush. I’m going to order a full series of enzymes and counts, maybe that can tell us more.” As the nurse nodded and left the room, Dr. Meyers looked down at Kevin’s flushed face. In an unusual gesture, she brushed the back of her hand across his forehead, frowning at the heat she found there.

Normally she kept her distance when it came to her patients, but for some reason this one was special. He was so young, and so full of potential; from the way his family and friends were reacting to the situation, he was also very, very loved. She’d heard, of course, that he was famous for his music; the younger nursing staff seemed to know his work intimately. She hoped, with all her might, that he would be able to make more of that ‘amazing’ music.

She studied the monitors and considered the options open to her. As time went on, and his fever continued to climb, the choices were getting fewer. She looked at her watch and made a decision.

Before she could leave his side, however, Brian and Nick came back from the enforced break the staff had insisted they take. She saw the hopeful look in their eyes and hated the fact that what she had to say would erase it in an instant.

“Doc?” Brian asked, his blue eyes eager for good news.

“His temperature is up,” she said bluntly, not wanting to sugar-coat the news. “I’m afraid we are running out of options here.”

“What’s causing it?” Nick asked, trying to keep his voice steady.

“It could be a number of things, but the most likely cause is either infection or a hidden internal injury. He’s on heavy antibiotics, but they take time to work.”

“What kind of hidden injury?” Brian said as he frowned.

“In an impact injury situation, tissue can be damaged to a particular degree which later deteriorates… like a tiny pinhole that eventually gets worse. That kind of damage is very hard to detect, and it can be risky to search for. If what’s causing his fever is something like that, we only have one way to go.”

“Which is?”

“Surgery. We’d have to do exploratory surgery, and try to find the damaged area.”

“But how can you tell if it’s really damage? You said it might just be infection,” Brian said, confused.

“Now you understand the difficulty,” she said. “I’ve just ordered some tests that should help paint a clearer picture of what we’re up against. Surgery is a last resort, in his condition it will be dangerous. We have to be sure.”

Nick, several shades paler than when he had walked in the room, sank down in a chair. Running a hand through his hair, he squeezed his eyes shut.

Brian put a hand on his shoulder but didn’t have any words of comfort to offer.

“When is his wife due to arrive?” she asked after a moment.

“She should be here in about two hours, she’s already in the air. She was in California,” Brian provided.

Dr. Meyers crossed her arms and scowled at the floor. “If his temperature keeps climbing the way it has, we might have to do something before she gets here.”

The nurse walked in with a blood draw kit and began her work.

“I’ll be in the Staff lounge,” the doctor told the busy nurse. “Have them page me when the results come back or any of the changes I mentioned occur.”

“Yes, ma’am,” came the reply.

“Boys,” she said as she turned to leave, “hang in there. We’ll do all we can for Kevin, I promise.”

“Thanks,” Brian mumbled. When she had left, he moved close to the bed and stared at his cousin. There was a fine sheen of sweat slickening Kevin’s pale skin, and his head moved ever so slightly as he fought against the fever.

The nurse finished her draw and checked over the IV, making a notation. Before she left, she turned to the pair. “If you’d like to help,” she said in a quiet voice, “you can use that basin and washcloth to cool his forehead and face. It might ease his rest. Just don’t get the bandages too wet.”

Grateful for her suggestion, Brian nodded and watched her go. He reached for the basin but Nick beat him to it.

“Can we take turns?” Nick asked, a slight waver to his voice.

“Sure,” he said. “We can take turns.”

It wasn’t much, but it was all they could do for their brother.

*******

Brian was jolted out of his seat by the shrill alarm of a nearby monitor. Frantically, he sat up straight and looked around, his heart pounding. He hadn’t meant to doze off when he sat down to rest, but the long hours of worry and stress had taken their toll… His eyes darted around, trying to figure out what was happening.

Before he could rise, a nurse ran into the room, followed by another a second later. On her heels was Dr. Meyers, her face full of concern. Brian watched as the trio worked quickly, not really registering the words being tossed about. For a terrible, panicked moment, he thought that his cousin had gone into a critical Code Blue condition, but when the requisite crash cart failed to show, he knew it was another problem. He swallowed his panic and listened.

“I want an cold-gel bath pack, stat,” came Dr. Meyers’ voice. “And call O.R., we’re going to need that room early.”

“O.R.?” Brian said, standing in a rush.

Gray eyes flickered his way. “His temperature has spiked,” the doctor explained as she moved to the other side of the bed. “At this point the danger of sustained fever outweighs the surgical risk factor. The tests indicate internal bleeding, and we can’t wait any longer. Is his wife here yet?”

“Nick went to get her, they should be here any minute,” he answered.

“We’re going to prep him for surgery,” she said. “Normally we would wait for permission from the next of kin, but emergency overrides that now.”

“I’ll… I can call Nick, on his cell. Maybe they’re close.”

“Kevin goes into the O.R. in ten minutes,” she said flatly. “Let’s hope she makes it.”

*******

“…damn, Bri,” came the soft curse over the phone. “At least they’re on their way. If they hit traffic or get stuck in that construction…”

“Well,” Brian said in a tense voice, “they have less than two minutes to get here. The nurses are already getting him ready. Aje,” he said in a lower tone, “the doctor said it was really dangerous, this surgery… but they don’t have a choice. Maybe it’s better if you don’t bother Howie with it all just yet.”

“Are you kidding?” came the question. “He’s been out like a light all day. I don’t think I could wake him if I wanted to. And I agree, even if I could get him awake and aware, this is the last thing he needs to deal with.”

“I’m going to try Nick’s cell one more time,” Brian said. “They should have been here already. Look, I’ll give you a call when I know something more, okay?”

“Right, thanks, Bro,” AJ said before he disconnected.

Brian was dialing when he heard someone just outside the room call a familiar name. He hung up the phone just as he spied the doctor in the doorway, her face towards someone down the hall.

“This way, quickly, please,” she said, gesturing.

Kristen rushed into the room, looking panicked and afraid. Nick was just a step behind her; they both were out of breath from their sprint.

“We got here…” Nick panted, “as fast… ah, jeeze… as we could.”

“We’re getting ready to take him up now,” said Dr. Meyers. “Mrs. Richardson, I’ll need your signature okaying the procedure, then I’ll give you a minute with him before we go.”

Kristen nodded, signing the paper as the doctor gave a brief explanation of what was on the document and what was going to happen next with Kevin. Giving the clipboard to a nurse, the doctor patted the shaking woman on the shoulder and said, “He’s not really been awake, but I think he’d like to know you are here for him. I’ll be right outside.”

“T-thank you,” Kris replied, taking her first hesitant glance at her husband’s still form.

Nick leaned over, hands on his knees, and tried to steady his breathing. It had been a mad rush to make it in time, and he was certain he’d broken several traffic laws getting Kris where she belonged. But they had made it, somehow.

Brian gave Kris a quick, tight hug and whispered that he’d talk to her in a bit. Wanting to give her at least a little bit of privacy, he guided Nick out of the room. He could only imagine how horrible an ordeal it was for her. If something ever happened to Leigh…

He shut his eyes at the very thought.

“Brian, you okay?” came the worried voice beside him.

He looked into concerned azure eyes and nodded. “Yeah, Frack, just thinking. Thanks for getting her here. I’m not sure I could have done it.”

Oddly, a wry smile crossed Nick’s lips. “You’re too law-abiding, like Kev. If he knew what we had to do to get here… my butt would be in a sling.”

Brian grinned. “Let’s hope you get an earful from him soon,” he said.

Nick’s smile faded, then he nodded. “Yeah, that’s one lecture I won’t mind getting.”

The two fell into a suspended silence as they leaned against the wall. Both were lost in thought when Dr. Meyers approached them.

“I’ll be assisting the surgeon,” she stated. “He’s one of the best there is. As soon as I get out of the O.R., I’ll come see you and let you know what we found.”

“How long will it take?” Nick asked.

“We’re not sure what we’ll find,” she answered honestly. “It all depends on how fast we can locate the source, or sources, of the problem. There’s a special surgical waiting room up on the next floor, I want you to take Mrs. Richardson and wait there for word. No matter what we find, Kevin will be moved to ICU afterwards.” At Nick’s widened eyes, she held up a hand. “Just a normal procedure, it doesn’t mean anything went wrong.” She glanced at her watch and said, “It’s time.”

The pair followed her back to the room, where Kristen was clenching Kevin’s unresponsive hand. Brian went to her side and gently pulled her away, putting an arm around her as orderlies arrived. In less than a minute, Kevin was wheeled away, the doctor keeping pace with the gurney.

After a moment, the three left the room as well. The ride upstairs was made without a sound, save for Kris’ soft sniffling and Brian’s murmurs of reassurance. Nick stared at the elevator floor as if answers could be found there, if only he looked hard enough.

Soon they reached the isolated waiting room, but none of them noticed the many comforts that surrounded them. The television, fruit baskets, free beverages, computer game systems, and library of books and videos were ignored as they sat on a couch, Nick and Brian on either side of Kristen. Together they settled in for the wait that, no matter how much time it actually took, was destined to be an eternity.

******* 

“Hey guys,” a raspy, much-missed voice called to the pair slumped on the lounge couch.

“AJ,” Brian said, sitting up and rubbing his face. “Howie, hi.” He nudged at the blond figure next to him. “C’mon, Nick, company.”

Nick blinked blearily, frowning as he tried to remember where he was and what was happening. A quick glance brought him fully awake.

“Hey, when did you get here?” he asked slowly. “What time is it?”

“Just now, it’s a little past noon,” AJ provided. “We brought lunch.”

“Figured you might be tired of hospital food by now,” Howie added.

“Thanks,” Brian said gratefully. They moved to a small round table by the window and sat down together, the first time since the accident. The bags of food were opened and distributed as they tried to catch up.

“Howie,” Nick said as he chose a french fry from the pile, “you feeling better? That’s a nasty looking bruise on your forehead.”

“The medicine kills most of the pain, but I have kind of a headache that won’t go away. It’s annoying.”

“But you got some rest, right?” said Brian.

“Yeah, that stuff puts me out like a light,” he sighed. “I hate feeling out of control.”

“Better than feeling all that pain,” AJ reasoned.

Howie nodded agreement, though he didn’t look pleased.

“How’s Kevin? And where’s Kris?”

Brian put his drink down and said, “The surgery last night took nearly two hours, and he’s been in ICU since. Kris is up with him, he hasn’t woken up yet.”

“But it’s been…” A slight pause as he did the math. “What, 17 hours?” Howie said, his voice full of concern. “Why hasn’t he woken up? Was the surgery-“

“The surgery went fine, the doc said they found two places they had to fix…”

“But,” AJ said when he fell silent.

“But,” Nick continued, “his fever hasn’t broken yet. They don’t know why, they’re trying all kinds of stuff now. They said he was stable, whatever that means.”

“He can only have one visitor at a time,” Brian explained. “Kris won’t leave, she’s as stubborn as he is.”

“How’s she doing?” AJ asked with a frown.

“She’s exhausted, worried, and scared to death.”

Silence settled on the four for nearly a minute.

“Lot of that going around,” Brian said as he stared at his paper napkin. “We’re going to try and convince her to go home for a few hours, but I doubt she’ll do it. I don’t think she’d rest at all.” He rubbed at his eyes, realizing how tired he still was. “How long are you going to hang around, D?”

“He’s not supposed to be up at all,” began AJ with a pointed tone.

“As long as I feel coherent,” Howie cut in. Then his voice dropped a bit. “Which might not be too long. I wanted to see how everything was going here… I…”

Brian reached over and touched him on the arm. “You need to take care of yourself, Bro. When Kev wakes up, he’ll need to see you’re okay.”

Howie gazed into sincere blue eyes for a moment, then looked away. “I guess.”

AJ and Brian exchanged worried glances.

“He won’t blame you,” AJ said quietly. “You know that. It wasn’t your fault.”

Howie bit his lip, then met his friend’s glance. “But maybe-“

“Maybe nothing,” Brian said firmly. “From what the cop told me, the night of the accident, it was your calling 911 so fast that made the difference. You did what you could, and that’s what matters. Kev-“ He stopped as his voice caught. “Kevin lost control of the car because of the slick roads and the circumstances. Period.”

Howie didn’t reply, but seemed to be considering the words. It was a start.

Nick crumpled up a sandwich wrapper and tried a shot at the trash can nearby. He missed by a good two feet. He got up with a sigh and retrieved the balled paper, dropping it where it belonged with a disgusted frown.

“I need to take a walk,” he said, not looking at his friends. “I’ll be back in a while.”

He was gone out the door before they could say a word.

*******

Nick hadn’t planned on going anywhere particular; he’d just needed to get some fresh air. He couldn’t tolerate the hurt, pained expression on Howie’s face, nor the concerned one on AJ’s. Brian’s eyes held a constant anguish… it had been too much. He knew it was babyish, to walk out like that so abruptly, but the air had seemed so heavy, so thick with despair.

He found himself at the elevators. Almost automatically he entered one and punched the button that led to the last place of refuge he’d found. Moments later, he stepped onto the Neonatal floor.

After a second’s hesitation he walked down the hall towards the nursery. He stood before the glass, and counted. Now, there were only nine tiny babies, all bundled up and in various states of rest. They all looked alike to him, different only by their pink or blue caps. Slowly, a small wistful smile transformed his face. This was life, new life. These little ones had so much ahead of them… their entire future. They had no worries, no concerns to cloud their minds or trouble their thoughts.

He looked closer, and saw each bassinet had a last name attached to the front.

Jeannie… could one of these babies be hers?

He bit his lip in thought. He couldn’t tell which were new ones and which had been there before; he had no idea what her last name was, so that didn’t help either.

“Which one is yours?” came a sudden voice from his left, making him jump in reaction.

“Mine? Oh, no, it’s not mine,” he said quickly to the nurse beside him. “I… I’m not sure. Someone I know… she was in labor yesterday…”

“What’s her name?” she asked. He realized for the first time that she was dressed in colorful scrubs.

Nick blushed in embarrassment. “I only know her first name. Jeannie.”

The nurse thought for a second. “Let me check for you,” she said kindly, not seeming fazed by his admission.

The woman went through the nursery doors and, after a minute, returned.

“Jeannie Stephens,” she supplied. “That’s her daughter, the third from the right.”

A girl! “Is she okay and all?” Nick said, peering at the sleeping figure. God, so tiny…

“The baby is doing fine,” she said. “Both she and Ms. Stephens will be staying here a few days, so they can get some rest.” The nurse looked at the wide-eyed young man and smiled. “I think Ms. Stephens can receive visitors, if you would like to see her. She’s in room 404.”

“Oh, thanks,” he said belatedly. He watched the baby for another moment. “She’s so… small.”

The nurse laughed softly. “Yeah, they usually come that way.”

Nick ducked his head sheepishly, realizing how stupid he’d sounded. “Thanks,” he said.

He glanced around and saw a sign pointing the way to the room section in question. With one final look towards the baby, he turned and walked the short distance to Jeannie’s room.

He knocked softly and came in when he heard her summons. The look on her face when she saw him was one of surprise.

“Hi,” he said shyly, offering a smile.

“Nick, hi,” she said, sitting up carefully. “I didn’t expect to see you!”

“I’m still waiting for news on… ah, my friend,” he said, coming a bit closer. “How are you doing? How did things go?”

“It was rough for a while,” she confessed honestly. “But today is much better.” Her eyes lit up. “It was all worth it, though… I have a beautiful baby girl, a daughter! Oh, Nick, she’s perfect.”

He grinned. “I saw her,” he said. “They showed me which one she was before I came to see you. You’re right, she’s beautiful. But… man, she’s so small!”

“She didn’t feel small yesterday afternoon,” Jeannie commented wryly. At Nick’s blush, she laughed. “It’s okay, I won’t give you details.” She leaned back into her pillows. “Sit for a second, it’d be nice to have some company.”

He noted a complete lack of flowers, balloons or cards that decorated almost every other room. He drew up a chair near the bedside and said, “You haven’t had many visitors yet?”

She sighed. “Nope, don’t expect to. Like I said yesterday, I’m going solo on this one.”

Nick frowned; he didn’t want to pry, so he didn’t ask details. Instead, he said, “Have you named her yet?”

“I had it all planned,” she said. “Lauren Renee, remember? But the moment I looked at her face, I knew it wasn’t right.” She gave a small smile. “The name Elena Lynn came to me in a dream last night, and it seemed perfect.”

“Elena Lynn,” Nick repeated slowly. He nodded. “That’s beautiful. Almost musical, you know?”

“Thanks,” she said, beaming.

“Um,” he said after a moment, “is there anything you need? Anything I can get you, or the baby?”

“What do you mean?” came the puzzled question.

“Well, you know… stuff. Babies need all kinds of stuff, and if you’re alone…” he began awkwardly.

“Oh, Nick,” she said, her eyes filling with tears, “that’s so sweet of you. But I’m fine, I’ve had almost nine months to plan things out. I’ve got plenty of things for her. And you’re wrong,” she added as she gave him a wavery smile. “I’m not alone. I’ll never be alone, not with Elena in my life.”

He looked at her face and saw truth and strength there. He swallowed against sudden emotion and said, “She’s one lucky kid.”

“Thanks,” she whispered, sniffling a bit. “But I’m the one that feels blessed.” She reached out a hand towards him, which he took at once. “I’m glad you came.”

“Me too.”

She took a steadying breath. “We’ve been talking about me all this time,” she said. “What about you? You look about as bad as I felt yesterday. How is your friend doing?”

“I… don’t know for sure,” he said. “They had to operate on him last night, but he still hasn’t woken up yet. Kev-“ He stopped, realizing his mistake. He wasn’t supposed to reveal any information other than what management had approved.

“No, that’s okay,” she said when he fell quiet. “I had guessed it was one of your group. Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone about it.”

“We’re not supposed to say anything,” he said apologetically.

“I was more interested in how you were doing, anyway,” she declared. “I imagine there are a ton of people taking care of him, but you... This is a real tough time for you, I can see it.”

“Yeah, it is,” he admitted. “This is bigger than anything I’ve ever had to go through...”

“And you’re scared, and unsure, and don’t know what to do next,” she finished. “Yeah, I know exactly how that feels, believe me. But you know what? You just have to keep moving forward, no matter what happens. No one has all the answers, we can only have faith it’ll all work out like it’s supposed to. If I let the fear of uncertainty take over, I’d never get out of this bed.”

He looked into her steady hazel eyes. “But you will, because Elena needs you.”

“Yes. Just like your friends need you. It’s not about having all the answers, it’s about never giving up and always doing your best to deal with what life dishes out.”

He allowed a small smile to curve his lips. “Wow. You sounded just like my Mom there for a second.”

At that, she laughed. “It’s a mystical wisdom thing that all mothers possess once they’ve had a child. It’s a level of knowledge that no man can achieve.”

“Sure it is,” he said, laughing in turn. “But… it does make sense, I’ll give you that.”

She gave his hand a squeeze and released it. “You’re gonna do fine, Nick. Just hang in there, do what you can, and don’t dwell on the things you can’t change.” She suppressed a yawn.

“Look, you need your rest,” he said as he stood. “I’ll stop by later, if that’s okay. I need to get back to the guys now.” He hesitated. “And hey, thanks,” he said in a quiet tone. “For the advice, and everything.”

“No problem. Take care, okay?”

“Yeah, you too.”

He left after she settled back down and closed her eyes.

*******

By the time he arrived back on the ICU floor, he felt ready to face whatever came. Like Jeannie had said, no one could expect him to have answers; it was a very liberating thought. All he could do was his best.

Brian was the only one in the lounge when he came through the door.

“Hi,” Nick said as he ran a hand through his hair. “Howie and AJ go?”

“Yeah, Howie started falling asleep not too long after you left,” came Brian’s reply. “Strong medicine. They’ll be back tonight, after dinner.”

“Good,” he said as he sat down.

“Where’d you go?”

“I took a walk for a bit, then I visited a friend,” Nick answered simply.

When no further explanation came, Brian raised his eyebrows in speculation. “A friend?”

“Yeah,” he said. “Bri, when you were a kid, did your mom ever tell you that it was important to succeed, to win?”

Rather than point out how odd the question was, Brian gave it some thought. “No, she never did. She always told me that the most important thing was trying, and doing my best.”

“And that it was okay not to have all the answers?”

“Yeah.”

“Huh. Maybe she’s right, it is a mom thing,” he mumbled.

“What?” Brian said, thoroughly confused.

“Never mind. Hey, how about we go kidnap Kris and make sure she eats lunch? We can tell her that Kev would be pissed if he knew she wasn’t eating.”

“Well, okay…”

“We can get one of those chef salad things down in the cafeteria, women always eat that stuff.” He shrugged; it was another mystery why women were so in love with lettuce. “We can bring it back to her. That way, she only has to be gone for a little while.” He stood and stretched.

“I guess that would work,” Brian said. “Ah, you feeling okay, Nick?”

Azure eyes looked over. “Yeah, I am. C’mon, let’s go. Kris needs us to take care of her now.”

“Right,” Brian said as he followed his younger brother out of the lounge. He didn’t understand the abrupt shift in attitude, but he wasn’t questioning it. He was only glad for the change.

*******

AJ and Howie arrived at the hospital just as evening visiting hours began. When they went to the ICU waiting lounge, Nick was there, but the person with him wasn’t Brian.

“Kris!” AJ called, surprised and happy to see her. He wasted no time crossing the floor and embracing her in a huge hug, the parcel he’d been carrying dropped without a second thought.

“Hi Aje,” she answered, giving a slight chuckle as he practically picked her up off the floor.

He released her as Howie came near.

“Hey, Kris,” he said, much more subdued than his brother. He stopped short of physical contact, unsure what to do.

She looked into his hesitant brown eyes and spoke softly. “They told me what happened,” she said. “Thank you, Howie, for what you did. They tell me your quick response might have saved his life.” She moved forward and hugged him tightly. After a second’s pause, he returned the gesture.

“I…” he began, then strengthened the embrace. “Kris, it all happened so fast, I…”

“Howie, don’t,” she said, stepping back a bit. “I see the guilt in your eyes, and it doesn’t belong there.”

Her sincerity touched him, nearly making him lose what little control of his emotions he had.

Gently she reached up and pushed back a little bit of hair, studying the ugly purple bruise there. “You didn’t escape scott-free, I see. You must be hurting, too.”

For a moment he wasn’t sure which kind of hurt she meant, then decided that it didn’t matter. “Yeah, but I’ll be fine.” He looked at her pale skin and drawn features. “You don’t look like you’ve had much chance to rest.”

“I didn’t want to leave Kevin,” she said. “But Brian wanted to visit for a while, and insisted I get a change of scenery.”

“What you really need,” AJ interjected, “is a hot shower, a change of clothes, and a decent nap.”

“Mmm… that sounds wonderful, but there’s no way I’m leaving this hospital,” she said.

He presented her with the parcel he’d dropped earlier. “Clothes, sundries, and necessaries, at your service, Ma’am,” he said in an overdone British accent.

“How did you-“

“I never reveal my methods,” he said with a dismissive gesture.

“You can take a hot shower in the Resident’s area,” Nick said. “I can take you there.”

“But-“

“Only take you a few minutes, and as soon as you’re done we can come back here. By then maybe Brian will be done his visit, okay?”

She looked at all three faces, each so full of concern. Knowing she couldn’t argue, and thinking how good a hot shower sounded, she reluctantly nodded her agreement.

*******

Twenty minutes did wonders for Kristen’s well-being; Nick could see the difference at once. She told him that although she was still tired, at least she felt clean and refreshed. He tried to talk her into catching a short nap on one of the available beds but she refused, and he let it rest. At least she had eaten dinner and gotten a shower… that was a major accomplishment in his book. Besides, she could always get catnaps in Kevin’s room if she had to.

They arrived back at the waiting lounge to find Howie dozing on the couch while AJ had a solitaire game spread out on the table.

AJ nodded his approval at the change in Kris, and the two sat down with him. They talked quietly for a while, letting Howie get some rest.

Brian came in soon afterwards, glad to see everyone there. Sighing heavily, he walked over to the small refrigerator and retrieved a bottled water.

“How’s Kevin?” AJ asked as he joined them at the table.

“His fever is getting worse,” Brian said tightly. “He was…” He stopped, his voice catching.

“What?”

“He was beginning to become delirious. They made me leave because they were going to try a new procedure.”

“Delirious!” Kris cried. “Why hasn’t the fever gone down yet? When someone gets-”

“Whoa there,” Brian said at once. “They said his fever isn’t as high as it was before the surgery, which is good. They’re working real hard on him, Kris, we all just have to have faith.”

“I want to go to his room,” she declared unhappily as she sprang to her feet. “I need to be there…”

“You need to be right here,” Brian countered. “They won’t allow anyone in there right now. They promised me that someone would come talk to us as soon as they had news. We need to let them concentrate on Kevin right now.”

She bit her lip. AJ stood up beside her and draped his arm across her shoulder.

“Come on, let’s sit where it’s more comfortable.” He steered her to the couch, sitting them both down so she was nestled between him and the still dozing Howie.

At the sudden movement, Howie groggily came awake. When he saw Kris there, he shifted a bit to give her a bit more room, but she surprised him by moving closer. When she leaned her head on his shoulder, he felt a warmth and a protectiveness come over him. Carefully he put his arm around her, drawing her closer. His features relaxed as he caught AJ’s approving nod a second later.

Brian looked over not two minutes later and couldn’t help but smile. Howie was sound asleep, with Kris in a similar state next to him. AJ had stretched his legs out and had leaned back as well, but whether he was dozing or not was a mystery because of the sunglasses hiding his eyes. He shared a look with Nick, one of amusement despite the overall situation. He gathered the cards from the table and quietly shuffled the deck, knowing it might be a long wait.

*******

Almost two hours passed before a familiar figure came into the room: Dr. Meyers. She looked incredibly tired.

“Doc?” Brian said, not able to guess at the news she might have.

“I’ve just come from Kevin’s room,” she said, loudly enough to make both AJ and Kris stir. When Kris moved, Howie woke as well.

When the doctor had their attention, she continued. “His fever spiked a while ago, and when he entered into delirium we tried a new approach.” She paused and shook her head. “He’s proven to be quite a challenge.” She glanced back up to find five anxious sets of eyes on her. “The good news is, his fever’s finally broken,” she said.

“Is he awake?”

“Can we see him?”

“Wait… if that’s the good news, what’s the bad news?”

She turned her attention to Brian, who had asked the last question. “The fever’s broken, and his temperature is slowly going down to normal, but he hasn’t shown any sign of waking yet. During his delirium, even though we restrained him, he did pull a few stitches that had to be re-sutured. His motions misaligned some of the clamps around his leg brace as well, but that’s easily fixed. Our worry now is his state of response… or, lack thereof. There are indications of a very deep unconsciousness.”

“Can’t you give him something to wake him up, now that the fever is gone? Some kind of drug or something?” Nick asked, apprehension in his voice.

“This one, he’ll have to do on his own. We can’t force him awake; it’s his body’s way of healing. Pumping him full of stimulants would be risky and dangerous.”

“Doc,” Brian said slowly, “with all that fever, and the delirium… what about brain damage?”

Kristen gasped, her face paling at the very idea.

Dr. Meyers held up a hand at once. “The EKG and CAT scans we’ve done don’t indicate any brain damage. He’s been monitored very closely. One good sign was the fact he was talking clearly during his delerium… of course the content didn’t make sense to us, but the words were succinct and the sentences had definite structure. If his temperature goes down another degree, we’ll move him out of ICU and back into his regular room.”

“But what if something happens, wouldn’t he be better off in ICU?” Kris asked, her eyes wide.

“As long as his fever is down, there’s nothing we can do but wait until he wakes up. He’s out of immediate danger, and for that, his regular room is fine.”

“Can I see him now?” she asked in a slightly calmer voice.

“Yes,” the doctor said with a nod. “I’m thinking we’ll be moving him within the hour. You can stay with him until then.”

Kristen left the room with the doctor while the others gathered close. The four Boys bowed their heads as Brian said a quick, but heartfelt, prayer of thanks.

Now, it would be up to Kevin.

*******  

What is this place?

Pain and fear and confusion came instead of an answer. He was lost, nothing made sense. He felt there was something he should do, should know… but all was vague and murky. Panic gripped him.

He was on fire, though he could not see the flames. He felt hands, terrible grasping hands pulling at him, trying to take him where he did not want to go. He cried out in fear, trying to escape, but horrible shadows surrounded him and blocked the way. If only he could reach the coolness, the safe place...

*******

A sudden, abrupt cold, like a giant wave crashing over him. Darkness, deep and cool and heavy, pressed down on him. A stillness followed, welcome after the chaos; he huddled in the void, grateful for the peace.

Time had little meaning. Eventually… a minute? a day?…images began forming around him. At first it seemed like he was watching a movie, until suddenly it pulled him in, and he was no longer seeing it, he was part of it all… sights, and sounds, and…

*******

The road was wet, the headlights shining on the surface. It had been a long day, and all he wanted to do was to drop Howie off and get home. He slowed the car five miles an hour below the speed limit -no sense in unnecessary risks- and turned the radio on. Just for a second he glanced at the dial, adjusting the signal and asking Howie if he had any particular preference. When he looked up again he saw headlights coming towards him, fast. He veered to the right, not two seconds before the other car shifted left. The two vehicles missed by scant inches, but before he could feel any relief his car began slipping sickeningly on the wet roadway. There was a flash, a tall shape illuminated by the car’s headlights, then the sound of shattering glass and anguished metal. Pain, intense beyond description, came all at once, pushing him into darkness…

*******

He awoke with a jolt. He was breathing rapidly in reaction to the nightmare and it took a moment for his vision to adjust. A figure was nearby, but it was hard to see in the dim light. For a second, it looked exactly like…

“Kristen?”

For a second he thought he was still dreaming until she touched his arm and spoke.

"Kevin, thank God," she said, her voice thick with emotion. She hugged him carefully, tears glistening on her cheeks. “How do you feel, honey?”

"Had... I had a dream. A... nightmare. I..." He stopped, trying to sort the experience out.

She brushed back some hair from his forehead and said, "You’ve had a fever for a couple of days and were delirious for a while. Do you remember any of it?"

"Delirious?" That would explain things. "Yes. I feel... not so strong."

"The fever broke last night, and we’ve been waiting for you to wake up since then."

"You’ve been here…" He processed what she had said, slowly. “Days?”

"Yes,” she assured him. “Everyone’s been trying to make me leave and get some rest, but I… I couldn’t go." Fresh tears came to her eyes all at once and she grasped his arm tighter. "Oh, God... I was so afraid you weren’t going to make it! I couldn’t bear the thought of losing you!"

"Losing me?" he said, wondering at her intensity.

"Everyone was so worried, even the doctors. Oh, Kevin, there was some internal bleeding that they couldn’t detect right away. When you got so feverish, they did some more tests and found what was wrong… You were in surgery for almost two hours," she continued. “I got here just before they took you up.” She sniffed. “They said the surgery was a huge risk, but it was your only chance. They said you’d been showing signs of fighting the fever, and that was a good indication you had a strong will to survive. But even when the surgery was done, the fever didn’t stop. I was s-so worried, I…” She stopped, tears choking out her words.

Awkwardly, he reached up a hand and stroked her hair. She composed herself after a minute and took his hand in her own. Holding it delicately, she kissed his palm and looked deeply into his eyes.

"I know it’s selfish but I need you in my life, Kev. I need someone I can share my dreams and hopes and love with. I’ve never been so scared. I thought you were going to leave me!"

"I’ll always be here for you, Kris," he declared with all the strength he could conjure. "I’m not going… anywhere."

She leaned forward and kissed his forehead. “I have to get the doctor, they wanted to know when you woke up. I’ll be right back, honey.”

Kevin closed his eyes and tried to calm his confusing thoughts. A while later the doctor came in with a nurse and gave him a quick examination.

“Kevin, you’re going to be just fine,” she said confidently. “You’ll need to get as much rest as you can, but I believe the immediate danger is gone. Between your tenacious will to live and the love and support of your family, I think you’ve got this thing beat for good. I’ll give them the happy news when I’m finished…”

The doctor stopped talking when she realized Kevin had fallen asleep once again. Thankfully, it was a normal sleep; the medical team had had to work hard to get his fever down, and they would be relieved to hear of their unqualified success. She made entries on his chart and sighed. While the most critical part was over, he had a lot more trials to endure. With the damage to his leg, he’d be laid up for seven weeks, at least. His ribs were healing fine, but they would be painful for quite a while. Then there was the surgical site, not to mention the extreme stress on his immune system…

From the five days she’d been his doctor, she had learned a lot about Kevin Richardson through his family and friends. Recovery and therapy for such an active, involved man would not be easy; it would require patience, perseverance, and a lot of rest. She grinned. With his four ‘brothers’ and his wife, she was sure he’d get the rest, or else.

Kristen caught the doctor’s attention the minute the woman exited the room.

“How is he?” she asked apprehensively.

"Kevin’s fine. He’s sleeping now, a normal sleep."

“So, he’ll be okay?”

"He’ll be just fine if he does what he’s supposed to do. He’s out of danger, yes. I’m thinking he’ll be released, barring complications, by the end of the week. But then the real trial begins.”

Worried eyes grew wide. “What trial?”

“Kevin will have to recover for 7 to 8 weeks, a lot of that time needing to be spent off his feet. He’ll need to rest, often, and take it easy for at least that long.”

“Oh wow. You’re right, that will be a trial. Kev hates being incapacitated.” She grinned and rolled her eyes. “I don’t suppose you’d write a prescription for tranquilizers?”

“I’ll be sending along some painkillers but I wouldn’t advise any tranquilizers for Kevin unless-”

Kris laughed. “No, I meant for me!”

Dr. Meyers smiled broadly and patted the younger woman on the arm. “You’ll do fine. He’s sleeping right now but you’re welcome to go back in if you like. Now, do you know where the others are? I promised Kevin that I’d tell everyone the good news.”

“Howie and AJ stepped out to get us all lunch,” Kris said. “I can tell them when they get here. I’m not sure where Brian or Nick went.”

“All right, if I see them I’ll let them know.” Without delay, the doctor continued on with her duties.

With a silent prayer of thanks, Kristen stepped back into the room, looking forward to spending as much time with her beloved as possible, even if he was asleep.

*******

The doctor didn’t have to go far before she found the two young men she needed to speak to. They were hovered over some kind of card game in the waiting lounge, neither seeming all that interested in what they were doing. Before she caught their attention, she took a second to note how incredibly exhausted they both looked. Indeed, none of Kevin’s group had strayed far from his side, and she could only marvel at their loyalty and love. For the first time in days, she was eager to give them news.

“Brian, Nick?” she called as she strode towards them. Both Boys snapped their gazes her way and, as one, came to their feet while cards scattered to the floor.

She held up a hand against their panicked expressions and gave them a heartfelt, genuine smile. “I just left Kevin. He woke up while Kristen was there just a few minutes ago.”

“What?” asked Brian, unsure he’d heard right.

“Kevin’s awake?” Nick cried almost at the same time, not daring to believe the words.

“He was awake, I talked to him briefly. He fell into a normal sleep before too much time had passed, which is exactly what he needs now. Lots and lots of rest and time to heal.”

“Can we see him?” Nick asked, his azure eyes wide with hope.

“Absolutely,” she said.

The tall blond looked as if he wanted to either shout with joy or burst into tears. A mix of emotions crossed his face and, in an unexpected move, he stepped forward and gave the doctor a huge, intense hug. She returned it, patting his back as he clung to her.

“Thanks, d-doc,” he said in a shaky voice.

“You’re welcome,” she said, her gray eyes shining in reaction. She stepped back and grinned up at him. “He’s a born fighter,” she told them. “And he’s lucky to have such wonderful friends and family supporting him along the way.”

“Still,” Brian said, stepping up to give her a hug of his own, “we owe you a lot.”

“Seeing Kevin walk out of this hospital will be payment enough. Now, go on and visit… even if he’s asleep, I’m sure Kristen would love to see you.”

The two wasted no more time and practically ran down the hall, entering the room with joy for the first time in five days.

*******

Nick volunteered to make the call to management; not only did he want to share the good news, he also had a special request to make. Once things were taken care of, he joined the others in Kevin’s room.

Happily, he found the oldest Boy awake again. Kevin had been drifting back to sleep with less frequency as the day had worn on; the doctor was more than pleased with his progress. Nick stood off to the side, unnoticed, as he took in the general good mood around him. Kevin’s eyes were lit with amusement as Brian told some tale from their childhood; Kristen’s smile was genuine as she held her husband’s hand in her own. AJ was adding his own humorous comments into the story, despite the fact that he had nothing to do with the incident. And Howie…

His expression was, finally, free of guilt and worry. When Kevin had woken the second time, they had all been present; once he got his bearings, his first question was about Howie. Kevin’s obvious concern, and subsequent relief that his brother was okay, had erased any doubts Howie had harbored. Once he’d understood that Kevin, himself, held no blame, he was able to let his anxiety go for good. It was a change that everyone noticed, and was grateful for.

Emerald eyes spied the silent figure at the edge of the room.

“Hey, Nicky,” Kevin said with a smile. “Just in time to interrupt a totally false and ridiculous story…”

“I’m telling you, it was true!” Brian insisted. “I saw Kev put sugar in the salt shaker, I swear it! Everyone blamed me, but I was completely innocent-“

“Riiight,” AJ said with a smirk.

“So what’d management say?” Howie interrupted, trying to avoid another round.

“They’ll handle setting up the press conference, which should be in about an hour downstairs. They’re going to make sure it’s brief, but they’d like the four of us to be there,” Nick reported.

“And after that, I think y’all should go home and get some decent sleep,” Kevin said bluntly. “Not that I don’t appreciate your company, but I’ll rest better knowing you aren’t walking around like zombies.”

For a second it looked like his suggestion would be met with protest, but Brian finally nodded.

“Good idea,” he said. “And that includes you, Kris.”

“Well, I-”

“No, honey, you too,” Kevin said as he squeezed her hand. Seeing the plea in his eyes, she finally agreed.

“Okay, but first thing tomorrow morning, I’m here,” she said.

He looked like he couldn’t be happier at the prospect.

*******

The second press conference was much more tolerable than the first one had been; with four Boys to field questions and make statements, and the overall good news they had to share, it was a relatively painless event. Once the reporters had filed out of the conference room, Darla Robertson approached Nick, handing him a large shopping bag.

“Is this it?” Nick asked, taking her aside.

“Just what you asked for, plus a few extras. I even had it all gift wrapped.”

He gave her a grateful hug and said, “You’re the best, Dar. Remind me to give you a raise!”

“I’ll be sure to bring it up at review time,” she joked. “But what are personal assistants for, anyway? I get to spend other people’s money, and get paid to shop. If you need anything else, just let me know.”

“I will, thanks again.”

He peeked inside, finding several colorfully wrapped parcels. It would be perfect… or, at least he hoped it would be.

“What’s in the bag, Frack?” came the curious question.

“Oh, just some presents,” Nick answered with a shrug.

Brian tried to see inside the bag. “You got Kev something? What is it?”

“Uh, well, no. It’s not for Kevin,” Nick said. “It’s for a friend. Kind of a… a birthday gift.”

A pause. “Is this the same friend that you went off and visited before?”

“Yeah, that’s the one. We can stop by her room before we leave, okay? Or you can wait down here, either way.”

Brian shook his head. “No, I want to meet this friend. You’ve got me curious, now.”

“Okay, let’s go.”

They said goodbye to Howie, Kris and AJ, promising to meet up with them in the morning for a pre-visit breakfast. Stepping onto the elevator, Brian’s questions began.

“So who is this friend?”

“Just someone I met.”

“So this is a new friend?”

“Yeah.”

“Old, young, married, single, what?”

“About my age, single.”

“You’re not telling me you picked up some girl in the hospital, are you? Don’t you ever turn off that charm?”

“It’s not like that, Bri. I’m not interested in her that way.” Nick watched as the elevator stopped on the fourth floor. “This is it,” he said as he got out.

Brian’s feet faltered when he spied the sign. “Whoa, wait a minute… Neonatal? Nick, what’s going on here?”

Nick grinned, thoroughly enjoying his best friend’s confusion. “It’s where the babies are kept,” he explained.

“I know that’s where babies are kept,” Brian retorted. “But what does this have to do-”

“Look,” Nick said as he stopped in front of the glassed-in nursery. “See the baby, the third one from the end? That’s Elena Lynn,” he said proudly. “Isn’t she beautiful?”

Dumbfounded, Brian stared at the tall blond beside him, then looked at the row of infants. His face softened a bit. “Yeah, I guess she is.”

“Come on, let’s go meet her mom.”

Brian could only follow in silence.

Nick knocked on the door, and was pleased to hear Jeannie’s voice answer.

“Hi, Jeannie,” he said with a tentative smile. “Mind a brief visit?”

Her eyes reflected her sincerity as she said, “That would be great, come on in.”

“Um, I brought someone else,” he said, stepping to the side. “This is-”

“Brian Littrell,” she finished, her smile growing as she held out a hand. “Hi. I’m Jeannie Stephens.”

“Pleased to meet you,” he said politely. “And… I guess congratulations are due. You have a beautiful daughter.”

“Thanks,” she replied, practically glowing.

“I know you said you didn’t need anything,” Nick said, coming to her side, “but I wanted to get you a little gift, for the baby and all.”

“You didn’t have to do that,” she began.

“I wanted to, and besides, it might come in handy.” He took out a medium sized box wrapped in a rainbow patterned paper. “If you already have one, I can always exchange it.”

He bit his lip nervously as she accepted the package and unwrapped it. She gave a small gasp of delight.

“A video camera! Oh, I definitely don’t have anything like this, these things cost-” She stopped and gave him a frown. “This is way too expensive, I can’t accept it.”

He laughed. “Are you kidding? I have clothes that cost ten times that,” he said. “And you have to capture all the baby moments on camera, so you’ll have them when she’s not so little anymore. Please accept it, okay?”

She answered by reaching up and pulling him into a grateful hug. “Thank you so much, this is just wonderful. I will definitely use it, having recorded memories will be such a treasure.”

“There’s something else that you can use right now,” he said, giving her a second box.

Quickly she tore the paper away and laughed. “A Polariod camera!”

He took it from her hands. “You can’t start the baby pictures too soon,” he said. “But mommy first.” He pointed it at her.

“Oh my god, no, I look horrible!” she exclaimed, putting her hands up to block the shot.

Nick lowered the camera and caught her gaze. Slowly, in all seriousness, he said, “No, you look beautiful. Exactly the way a new mom should.”

She lowered her hands and, feeling the sincerity of his words, broke into a warm smile. “Can I get one of you, too?”

“Sure, if you want,” he said as he lined up the camera again. A quick click!, and he put the picture on the table. He flashed her his famous smile and she took a shot of him.

“How about the both of you, together?” Brain asked, not able to keep the amazed grin from his face.

Soon, the camera was clicking and depositing photographs left and right. Nick and Jeannie, Nick and Brian, Brian and Jeannie. Brian alone. Both Boys, making goofy faces. Jeannie laughing.

Nick was glad to see that Darla had thought to bring a whole bunch of extra film cartridges; there were at least a dozen in the bag. Jeannie would be set for a while.

The mystery package at the bottom turned out to be a photo album, fitted with sleeves especially for Polaroid pictures. Jeannie was thrilled and touched by the thoughtfulness of the gifts, and promised to start filling the album right away.

When the nurse brought in baby Elena for a feeding, a new flurry of pictures were taken, until the infant began to complain about the lack of food. Taking that as their cue to leave, Nick gave Jeannie a final hug and a kiss on her forehead, wishing her the best of luck with Elena. With a wave, the two left the room, Nick sticking a photograph of mother and baby in his pocket as he walked out the door.

Not a word was said until the pair left the hospital and crossed the walkway to the parking garage, where Brian’s car awaited. Before he unlocked the door, the older Boy spoke.

“You never cease to surprise me, Bro,” he said, shaking his head. “That was really nice, what you did.”

Nick’s eyebrows raised and he gave a half-grin. “Gee, thanks, Bri… you’re saying that my doing something nice is a surprise, huh?”

“That’s not what I meant, and you know it,” he said, rolling his eyes. He paused, then got a bit more serious. “It was a great gift, a really thoughtful one. You never told me how you two, ah, met.”

“A story for another time,” Nick promised with a shrug. “Come on, I want to get home.”

“Then tell me this: why’d you want to give her such a personal gift, when you only met her a couple of days ago?”

Nick ran a hand through his hair and finally said, “Let’s just say she taught me about priorities, and keeping it all in perspective.”

When he fell silent, Brian knew that nothing more would be forthcoming. Knowing he would eventually be able to pry the entire story from his friend, he let the matter rest. He was too tired to protest, and wanted to get home as soon as possible.

“Let’s go,” he said as he unlocked the doors. “I don’t think I’ll have a bit of trouble getting to sleep tonight.”

“Yeah,” Nick said as he climbed in. “Me either.”

As Brian backed out of the parking space, Nick added, “I hope we never have to go through anything like that again. I’m just so glad that Kev’s okay… that we’re all okay.”

“Amen,” came Brian’s soft, hearfelt reply. “Amen.”

******* 

Awkwardly he moved through the cemetery, leaning heavily on his cane. He reached the gravesite and let out a sigh of accomplishment. It had taken nearly 9 weeks of pain and healing and therapy and stubbornness to come this far, to stand in this place. Of course, he hadn’t done it alone… he owed much to his wife and brothers.

Lovingly he placed a huge bouquet of flowers near the headstone and smiled. They were all of a beautiful purple, just like the flower his father had shown him when the whole thing had started: Anna’s flower. Now, more than ever, Kevin had every intention of working hard to make his ‘garden’ grow and expand and thrive.

Gently, he spoke.

"Well, Dad, here we are again. I know it’s been a while since my last visit... I wish I could do more to tell you how grateful I am for our talk. I want to thank you for encouraging me to hope again, to treasure life for what it can be rather than despair at what it is. A lot has happened since the accident.

"I’ve noticed a real change in Nick, if you can believe it. A lot of that out-of-control prankster attitude is gone, he seems to be more… serious, I’d say. Not depressed or down, though, it’s a kind of mature seriousness. I sure can’t explain it, but he took everyone by surprise with his reaction to the accident. AJ tells me how scared he was when I was brought in... from what I hear, he handled it really badly at first. But something happened soon after, although he won’t tell any of us details, not even Brian. Whatever it was, it made a big difference. All I know for sure is he isn’t acting like a kid any longer. I think you’re right, about him wanting a friend rather than a father. It’s kind of strange, but we’re sort of getting to know one another on a new level. There’s a deeper side to him than I… than anyone… ever suspected. He still has his weird sense of humor and likes to goof around, but that desperate drive for attention is gone.”

He rubbed at the plain gold band on his finger and gave a slight smile.

“Kris and I are closer now than ever before, something I didn’t think was possible. We actually talked about some of our fears, and I think it made things stronger between us. We’ve even made tentative plans for a vacation… a real vacation, not one filled with painkillers and physical therapy… early next year. I’m thinking we’ll start discussing kids soon, although the idea seems… incredible.”

He shifted a bit, and gazed across the lawn. He gave a sigh and spoke in a low voice.

"What I really came here to say is you were right, Dad. About the comfort thing. I hadn’t realized how much I needed everyone’s support until the accident. At first I didn’t really have a choice in the matter, with all the physical stuff I had to deal with. But then I discovered that there was something else happening. By allowing other people to take some of the burden, by letting them offer comfort to me, I… I relaxed. In a way I hadn’t in a long, long time. I realized that the world didn’t rest on my shoulders, and that it felt good to let go.” He gave a small grin. “Not that I’m giving up being the ‘authority figure’ of the group. Someone’s got to keep my crazy brothers in line, and I have years of practical experience.”

He fell silent, feeling a sense of contentment he’d never had when visiting this place. A faint breeze stirred the flowers he’d put on the ground; just for a second he felt the lightest brush on his arm... or had he imagined it?

With a smile he turned and headed back down the path. Suddenly, the day seemed warmer, the sun a bit brighter. Soon he saw the figures of the five people that made his life truly worth living. He called out and gave them a smile, letting them all know that things were okay. Really okay.

Kevin Richardson was, most definitely, glad to be alive.

Fin