Over the next several days, I rode on Nick’s bus every night – and every night I got off at the refuel stop.  I knew he was getting frustrated, I could tell.  But it was hard to admit even to myself that I was scared to sleep with him.  For so many reasons.  I was really scared that once he got what he wanted, that would be it.  There were so many thoughts heavy on my mind.  What if this WAS real?  Then what? Once the tour was over, where did we go?  I still had a year left in school, the Backstreet Boys were going back into the recording studio in LA after the tour, so it’s not as if Nick would be able to come to New York.  Was I getting too far ahead of myself?  Every time I talked to Lila, she told me that I should just let things play out, and not to over analyze everything.  There was something to be said about that.

I had gotten to Nick’s bus before him after the Dallas show.  I hadn’t seen Kassie, so I wasn’t sure if she was riding with AJ tonight or not.  I was so exhausted, I curled up on the couch.  It was almost midnight.  I figured Nick maybe had a few interviews or something.  Gary said the buses would roll out about 1:00 a.m. I must have drifted off to sleep, because I awoke to Nick pressing soft kisses on the back of my neck.

“Wake up, Sleeping Beauty,” me muttered as I rolled over.  I vaguely remembered hearing the bus's engine starting and could tell we were under way.

“What time is it?” I asked sitting up.

“Almost 1:00 am, we did a couple radio interviews after the show.” Nick said as he snuggled up next to me, pulling me into his arms.

“Where’s AJ?” I asked him as I realized that I hadn’t heard him get on. 

“It’s just you and me tonight, baby!” Nick said as he ruffled his fingers through my hair.  “He had to fly to his mom’s in Florida tonight and is going to meet back up with us in St. Louis tomorrow night,” he said with a smile on his face.

“YOU!!!” I said flinging a pillow at him and laughing.  “Was this your little plan?” Nick laughed and raised his hands in the air.

“I’m innocent!” he said trying his best to actually appear that way.  “I swear J didn’t say anything until after the show tonight.  What’s the problem anyway?  Do you think I bite?” He said as he encircled both of my wrists with his hands and pulled me down on the carpet.  He laid on top of me as he pinned my hands over my head so I couldn’t move.  “Because, I can bite you right here…,” he said as he began to lightly nip my neck, chucking softly. 

“You don’t play fair,” I whispered with a smile on my face.

He released my hands and I quickly wrapped my arms around him, my hands moving up and down massaging his back.  He lowered his lips to mine and kissed me gently, his tongue running along the edge of my lips.  He deepened the kiss and rolled over so I was on top of him.  I felt his hand begin to move up my back, under my shirt searching for my bra.  He pulled himself up and wrapped his arms around me pulling me closer.  I cupped his face in my hands and pulled him in for another kiss, this one more demanding.  I was feeling dizzy and breathless.  Nick’s lips began a slow trail down my neck as one hand moved around to softly grope my breast.  I threaded my fingers through his hair, pulling him closer to me. 

All of a sudden, a shrill ring interrupted the thick silence.  “Who the hell is calling after midnight?” Nick griped as he reached for the phone.  He looked at it, hit the dismiss button and put it on the floor by the couch.

“Where were we?” he muttered into my mouth as he began his descent all over again.  I felt so warm all over.  There was no place I would have rather been in the world right now than in his arms.  The phone interrupted us again.

“That’s IT!” Nick said reaching for it.  “She needs to stop calling!”

“Who is it?” I asked as he again dismissed the call.

“My sister, Leslie – I had 3 missed calls tonight during the show and she’s called another three since…” he was clearly frustrated.  The phone began to ring again.

“WHAT!” he said as he flipped it open.  “Leslie, someone better be dead…” he started to say as she began to speak. “Again?” Nick said as he sat down on the couch.  I sat up and composed myself, the moment we had going clearly ruined. 

“I’m not….NO! …Not this time…” Nick was trying to speak, but it was obvious Leslie wasn’t letting him.  “I know she’s my mother…yes, Leslie…I gave her ten thousand…I know Dad’s no help….” Nick put his head in his hands as he cradled the phone next to his ear, clearly frustrated.  “Fine, FINE! I’ll send it tomorrow…yeah, I know….I’m always the one there for everyone – it would just be nice to hear from some of you when you DON’T need something….whatever, yep – bye…” he said as he flipped the phone closed.  He sat in silence for a few minutes flipping it open and closed.  I didn’t know what to say.

He finally stood up and walked out into the tiny kitchenette.  He put both hands down on the counter and raised one like he wanted to slam it down but caught himself.  I could sense he was hurting, angry.  I stood up and walked over behind him.  Snaking my hands around him, I let my forehead rest against his back.  I kissed him softly through his shirt.

“I’m sorry….” I whispered quietly.  “I don’t know what to say other than I’m here…” I held him for a few minutes, feeling his heartbeat start to slow down.  He turned around leaning his back against the counter and pulled me close.

“I’m so sorry you had to see that, Whit…” he whispered as I laid my head against his chest.  “My family is SO FUCKED UP!  Mom’s got a court date next week because of all that shit with my dad where she broke into his house and whatever.  She can’t afford a lawyer and no one else can either.  If she doesn’t show up in court, she goes to jail.  She’s not talking to Aaron because of their damn lawsuit.  The whole thing is just a fucking mess.  None of them have anything to do with me until one of them needs money – do you ever see them come out to shows?  Do you ever see them call me?  Nope, not unless I have to bail one of them out, or pay off a bill, or whatever.  I’m just so sick of being used…” he trailed off and buried his face in the crook of my neck.

“I’m so sorry, baby…” I stroked his head as he pulled me closer.  “I don’t know what to say, I have the opposite problem, no family at all…” I laughed softly.

“I guess all we have is each other…” he pulled back and looked down at me.  I kissed him gently.

“Whit,” he said looking at me intensely. “Please stay with me tonight, I need you,” he caressed a finger down my cheek, gently placing it under my chin, tipping my face up to meet his gaze.  I nodded my silent surrender as he laced his hand in mine, leading me to the back of the bus.  As we entered the small room that housed his bed, I felt an immediate sense of peace. This was so right. 

Nick gently lowered me onto the bed and slowly our clothes became a heap on the floor.  I wanted him so badly, I ached.  I curled up as close to him as I could get, and let my fingers travel down his stomach, continuing until I felt his desire.  I encircled him with my fingers and lightly stroked up and down, grazing him lightly with my nails.  Nick’s hands moved from my breasts down to stroke me.

“Whit, you drive me crazy…I have laid awake imagining how this would be, baby…it’s beyond anything I dreamed of..” He said stroking me deeply.  I threw my head back. “Nick, now….I can’t wait,” Taking the invitation Nick moved on top of me and lowered himself into me.  As we began to move slowly, increasing our rhythm I wrapped my arms up around his back pulling him as close to me as I could get.  He was home to me.  I had never felt safer anywhere at any time in my life. 

We both reached our release at the same time, and fell back in bed amidst the tangled sheets.  My head resting gently on Nick’s chest as he gently ran his fingers through my hair.  “That was amazing, Whitney…” he whispered gently kissing the top of my head.  We spent the rest of the night exploring each other,  he was my drug and I couldn’t get enough of him.  Finally around 5:00 am, he nestled in behind me, pulling close up against him – naked skin to naked skin. We were both beyond exhausted.

“I’m falling in love with you, Whitney” he said as he wrapped his arm around me.  I tensed up a bit.  “What’s wrong, baby,” he gently kissed the back of my neck.

“I'm falling in love with you too, Nick. I guess I’m just afraid of being hurt…” I admitted as I sighed gently reaching up to stroke his arm. 

“I promise you, with everything I am, Whitney that I will never, never  hurt you,” he pulled me closer to him as we settled down to sleep for the night, and as I laid in his arms, listening to the gentle turn of the tires as the bus went down the road – I believed him with everything in me.  I was his forever, and he would never hurt me.