Dear Diary,

            Once again, fall has arrived. The leaves are changing and Mother Nature once again is putting on the most amazing show. I love sitting on the back porch and watching the birds in the trees, the squirrels and rabbits in the underbrush, and Nick trying to rake leaves. He caught me laughing at him a time or two and we ended up in bed. Not a bad way to spend a nice, autumn afternoon.

            Nick. I guess since this is my once-in-a-blue-moon diary entry, I have to talk about how much Nick has changed my life and how thankful I am he loves me. After our wedding a few months ago, we ended up on a whirlwind tour with his group. We barely had time to breathe, but we did have a small honeymoon, thanks to our friends. They bought us this house as a wedding present and sent us here for a few days before the tour started.

            It was so funny. Eva thought I'd spend part of that time decorating the house. I can't believe how crazy she was. Seriously, we spent those days in bed.  We made love in every room in the house. For the first 24 hours I never put on clothes. Thank God there were curtains in the house.

            It was a magical time. I never knew I could be so happy. I had hoped and prayed, but until we were pronounced man and wife, I never dreamed I'd have a life like I do now.

            Eva. My goofy, silly twin sister. I found out after we got back from the honeymoon that she and Brian were married a couple of weeks before Nick and I. They had eloped. When I asked her why she tells me the bigger part of her news. She's pregnant. I'm going to be an aunt.

            Now THAT has me thrilled beyond reason. For all the sadness Eva's gone through in her life, she deserves this. I know she's afraid, but she's going to be such a great mommy. I'm really kind of jealous that she's pregnant and I'm not. Yet.  Nick and I talked about it and he wants a baby too. We decided to try for one. In a couple of days, I can take a pregnancy test. I'm a few days late for my period, but ever since the accident, my body has been all out of whack. I had a thorough exam from my gynecologist and she says there's no reason I can't have a baby.

            AJ is probably my best friend in the world now, aside from Nick. He's my hero. He saved my life, even though he doesn't want us to talk about it. I always thought I'd never be the victim in any situation. Until I was kidnapped and almost raped. Looking back, I still get sick to my stomach. But that experience made me stronger than I ever knew I could be. When we're in LA, Nick and I both volunteer at a rape crisis center and I've met so many strong women in connection with that. Nick and I both have a tremendous amount of sympathy for women who have been through what I almost went through.

I thank God every day that Donovan didn't rape me. But what he did was almost as bad. Seeing the look on Nick, Eva and AJ's faces for months after that was hard to live with. Even though they tried to hide it, I know they were all still seeing me with the cuts and bruises on my body. I have to admit, I hated looking at myself, but seeing a counselor with Nick and Eva both helped me face what happened and move on.

Move on I did. Nick and I have the best sex life. No matter how many times the man makes love to me, I still want more. Talking him into role playing was difficult, until he realized how much fun it was. He especially likes to play cops and robbers. Handcuffing him to the bed was SO much fun. Must make a mental note to do that again soon. He mentioned playing fireman and he could use his "hose" to put out my "fire". OK, yes, he's a corny dork, but he's MY corny dork.

As I sit here enjoying the serenity of the day, I realize it's time for me to plan Thanksgiving dinner. Inevitably someone will want us to go around the table and say what we're thankful for. Besides talking about my sex life with Nick, they could just read this diary entry. Hell, they could probably read that too. It's not like our hands aren't all over each other every chance we get. I have to laugh, it was kind of funny the day Eva and Brian showed up on Nick's bus on the tour to find me giving Nick a hand job. Eva swears they didn't see Nick's penis, but I have to believe they saw something. I mean, seriously, my husband is very well endowed.

OK, all this talk about sex and Nick must mean I want him again. What a surprise, right? But there's more I need to write. I've been feeling moody and melancholy lately and I don't know why. I know part of it is I miss Mom and Dad tremendously. I look at Eva now, so close to her due date, and I wish they could see how beautiful she is. She's changed so much.

We had a long talk the other day, and while we miss them, we both decided we were grateful to have had them as long as we did, and that in the end, when it was their time, they were together. I hope it happens that way for Nick and I. As I watch him now throwing a ball for the dogs, I can't imagine how my life would work without him in it.

            AJ called me last night. He and Rochelle want Nick and I to have dinner with them when we get back to LA. I can tell he's hiding something, but he sounded excited. AJ and Rochelle have been through so much too. It's time we all have happiness in our lives.

            Speaking of happy, I think it's time I get Nick inside. I have this overwhelming need to have my husband's arms around me. We may not be newlyweds any longer, but we made a pact that our lives would be one long, hot, sexy honeymoon. One of the many reasons I am thankful and proud to be known as "Nick Carter's wife" and not just Elaine Carter.