Chapter 1

When the rain is blowing in your face

And the whole world is on your case

I could offer you a warm embrace

To make you feel my love

When the evening shadows and the stars appear

And there is no - one there to dry your tears

I could hold you for a million years

To make you feel my love

 

The same tall man, with an unforgettable pair of deep blue eyes, sat at the same corner table across the room, nursing a cold bottle of beer. He gave no indication whether he was enjoying the show or not, nor did his face show any particular favoring for her selection of old R&B favorites. He just stared at her through unblinking eyes, as if his mind were elsewhere.

 

He'd been coming to the hotel bar for the last four nights, she noticed, wearing the same no-nonsense look on his face, and ordering the same bottle of beer he never touched. Sometimes, while she sang, she'd glance his way, and feel her spine tingle when she came in contact with his baby blues.

 

He requested the same song from her every night too, a classic Bob Dylan song, "Make You Feel My Love", undoubtedly one of her own favorites, and apparently also his. As simple as it was poignant, the song made her remember the times she'd sung it when she was younger, and less…jaded, maybe.

 

So, yes, she tried to accommodate him as much as she can.

 

As the last notes strained from the piano, she took her bow, smiling graciously at the generous applause her mostly-male audience lavished her.

 

Walking off the small makeshift stage, she took the small towel her pianist casually tossed her way. She nodded slightly in thanks, wiping the sweat that started to form on her forehead. She forgot how the heat of the stage lights affected her makeup. Gail, the club’s unofficial makeup artist, was going to kill her if she had to do one more touch up. She just got so lost in the music that…

 

"The bar manager says you're not classically trained."

 

She looked up and saw familiar blue eyes.

 

Her surprise made her miss his statement. "Excuse me?"

 

"The bar manager, over there," He pointed to Mr. Morgan, her boss, who stood talking to a few Japanese businessmen by the other end of the stage. "He said you're not classically trained."

 

She nodded slightly. "I've been singing for a long time, but no training. I do what comes naturally."

 

He shook his head and she swore she saw the ghost of a smile on the edges of his lips. "Very impressive. I've never heard anyone else sing Bob Dylan with so much soul, outside of Adele."

 

She tilted her head and regarded him with amusement. "Thank you. And I appreciate you asking me to sing it. I always enjoy performing more classic pieces."

 

"And I enjoyed hearing it," he smoothly replied, "For the last four days…"

 

THAT made her smile.

 

"It was my pleasure."

 

He leaned back against a speaker and looked at her with curiosity and interest. She fought hard not to blush all the way to her short brown hair and bright red tips.

 

"I can't quite figure you out," he drawled lazily, looking over her as if memorizing her features. "When I came in here four nights ago and saw you with this hair, I thought maybe you were going to bust out the Joan Jett and maybe some Debbie Harry. But R&B?" He shook his head. "I never would've guessed."

 

She shrugged. "Appearances CAN be deceiving." Inwardly, she slapped herself for saying the most cliched phrase in history.

 

"I'd like to see you again."

 

Relieved that she somehow managed to get away with that last statement, she grinned. "Oh, you're more than welcome to. I'm just taking a thirty minute break and I'll be back with my last set."

 

NOW, he smiles. And it nearly made her have a heart attack on the spot. If she thought his eyes were beautiful, it was even more so when it was lit up with a grin.

 

"I'll be waiting then," he said softly as he held out his hand, "It was a pleasure meeting you, Miss…"

 

She took it and felt his strong grip swallow her hand whole. She blinked and returned his smile with one of her own. "Tasha. Tasha Callaghan."

 

"It was a pleasure meeting you, Tasha Callaghan," He squeezed her hand one last time before letting it go. "'Til next time."

 

He turned and walked away, as Tasha felt tingly inside from where his hand touched hers. Somewhere in the back of her mind, the rational side of her wondered who this man was and how he seemed to make her act like a teenager. Dammit, she WAS almost thirty. She wasn't some pre-pubescent little girl getting her first crush…

 

Then she realized she didn't even get his name.

 

"Wait!" she practically shouted before his figure disappeared behind the curtains.

 

He turned with a questioning raise of his brow, clumps of blond hair blocking her view of one eye. "Yes, Tasha?"

 

And how she loved the way her name rolled off his tongue. "Umm, I didn’t get your name."

 

"Oh, I'm sorry. It's Nick." He grinned again, this time it was a grin she knew rather well. "Nick Carter."

 

------------------------

 

* Lyrics from "Make you feel my love" by Bob Dylan.

 

 

 

Chapter 2

 

"GODDAMMIT!" Kevin shouted as he threw his mobile onto the carpeted floor of his office. Brian, his cousin and business partner, looked up in surprise.

"Kev?"

"Is it too much to ask for that kid to keep his friggin' phone on?" he ranted as he ran fingers through his already disheveled hair. "I've been calling since last night and I've been getting nothing but voicemail, dangit."

Brian swallowed back a chortle of laughter at the wild eyed look on the older man's face. "Did you try the house?"

He fixed Brian with a look. "Do I look dumb to you? Of course I did, and no one's been answering that line too. Not the studio, not his office, not the general compound line, not his friggin' sister’s house." He threw his hands up in the air and collapsed back on his chair. "I give up. Nick can go and screw this album up. I'm tired of covering his ass."

"You've been making yourself stressed, man," Brian pointed out. "You should try loosening up. Take a vacation or something. You've been locked up in here for too long."

'Here' was the Millenium Records office in Los Angeles. Housed in the top floor of the brand-new 60-story Millennium Tower downtown, the smell of fresh paint still delighted them for the most part because it told them how far they'd gone since they started this small label. Since they decided to lay low from the touring/album promotions aspect of their lives ten years before, they'd all made a conscious effort to put everything they had on their own company, wanting to make a name for themselves as producers and managers, among other things. The Backstreet Boys were all but history.

Now, eight years after moving into their first small office, and a stable full of top 40 pop acts later, MIllenium Records is slowly, but surely, becoming one of the biggest, if not most successful, record and multimedia companies in the US.

But sitting on top of the world didn't matter to Kevin Richardson because dammit, his producer had gone missing, and he needed to get the tracks for one of their new artist's debut albums ironed out.

Where the hell was Nick?

Brian shook a scolding finger at Kev.

"Ah ah. Stop that. Stop obsessing about where Nick is and just focus on the stockholders' meeting this afternoon, alright? You may be CEO of this operation, but you're still accountable to them kids who buy all those nice shares. So chill." Brian handed Kevin his mobile after picking it up from the floor. "I'm having Kristen bring you your serenity tapes."

Kevin shot his cousin a dirty look before stomping away from his desk and going straight for the adjoining bathroom.

"Touchy much?" Brian grumbled as he picked up a couple of folders atop Kevin's desk labeled 'Annual Report'.

"B-ROK! Sup sup, man?!" Howie said loudly from the top of his lungs as he sashayed through the big wooden doors of Kevin's office, his perfectly coiffed hair catching light from the lamps next to Brian. He didn’t shy away from the corporate image, being EVP of Business and Talent Development, but some days, less hair product was better.

Howie pulled Brian in a bear hug, as if they hadn't seen each other in years, when in fact they'd carpooled into work together just a few hours ago.

“Hey, guess where I came from?" Howie excitedly launched, leaning back against the desk across from the cousins.

"Um, your office?" Brian ventured.

"Nope."

"My office?"

"Nope."

"The ladies' room?"

Howie had the grace to looked offended. "Rok! I'm a married man now! I don't do that anymore…"

Brian laughed. "Fine, AJ’s office then. I heard he didn't go home last night, going over the figures with Kevin."

"Oh, that's not the only reason he's still here." Howie's eyes twinkled with mischief. "Apparently Mr. McLean has quite the little love nest tucked away behind his bookshelves. I caught him having a little morning happy with Tracy from Reception."

Brian's eyes widened. "No way…Tracy?" He shook his head. "Didn’t realize she was his type…"

"Dude, we're talking Alexander McLean here. Pimp daddy apparently isn't into blondes anymore, surprise, surprise."

"Better not let Kevin get wind of that, though. We don't want Tracy in trouble just because J couldn't keep it in his pants."

Kevin cleared his throat from the open doorway of his bathroom. Then he raised an eyebrow at them.

"Aw man." Howie grumbled under his breath.

"How does it feel to have your foot in your mouth yet again, D?" Kevin drawled as he wiped his face dry with a small towel.

"I told you!" Brian pointed out, shaking his head at Howie.

Kevin strolled casually over to his desk and pressed the button of his intercom. "Janie, get me Becca from Personnel please."

"Right away, Kev," his assistant answered through the crackling static.

"Aw, c'mon Kev, Tracy's a good kid, she shouldn't be fired because of AJ." Howie reasoned.

"Who said I'm firing her?" Kevin picked up the receiver of his phone as soon as it started ringing. "Becca? Hey, how's it going? Uh huh…Jeannie getting into first grade, huh? That's fantastic…uh huh…oh Kris and Mason are well, thanks for asking. Listen, Beck, I need something from you. Could you draw up Tracy's transfer papers ASAP? We're moving her over to Dorough Corp., down at 36th floor as soon as you can manage it."

Howie's eyes bugged out at the mention of his offices a few floors down.

"Yeah, Howie's been a little shorthanded lately, he needs the help. In an hour? Great. I'll make sure Janie takes care of it. Thanks, Becs." As he put the receiver down, he couldn't help but grin at Howie’s bewildered expression.

"I am not shorthanded…I have a very competent staff, thank you very much," Howie argued.

"Well, if you want to be the girl's champion so bad, then you handle her. And besides, it'll give AJ a chance to forget about her and look for a new girlfriend NOT on the payroll."

Brian regarded his cousin with wry amusement. "You take those company rules too seriously, cuz."

"If I don't, who else will, hmm?" Settling back behind his desk, he motioned for the two men to sit down in front of him. "Guys, we need to go over the figures on the annual---"

"Daddy!" a small shriek came from the suddenly open oak doors, and Kevin managed to catch a streak of blonde hair running through it.

"Mase?" Kevin managed to say as a small weight suddenly bounced onto his lap. He barely managed to get a surprised grunt out when he felt small arms go around his neck. Tightly.

"Mason Richardson!" a stern voice from the doorway came loud and clear. All three men turned and saw Kristen's angry blue eyes. "What did I tell you about jumping on Daddy?"

"Oh Daddy I have fire truck, go vroom and wooo wooo!" the three-year old shouted excitedly as he showered his father with spit as he told his story. He was so busy that he missed Kevin's face contort in pain at where his son's knee struck him.

Brian and Howie laughed. "No more brothers OR sisters for you, Mason," Brian coughed, nodding at Kristen evilly. The older woman tried to pry her son away from Daddy, but without much success.

"NO! Mommy, no!" Mason wailed as he clutched his Daddy's neck tighter. "I want Daddy. I wanna stay with Daddy."

"Mase, calm down," Kevin's voice was soothing even if he still felt the sharp pain from his groin shoot up through the rest of his body. "Daddy's right here. And no kicking, alright, dude?" Slowly, Kevin eased his son's weight off his lap and into his arms, carefully maneuvering his legs away from anyplace potentially…um…decapitating.

"Sorry, Kev," Kristen said softly as she dropped a quick kiss on her husband's forehead. "He was just excited to see you."

"It's alright, babe, nothing damaged," he answered with a very telling cringe. Howie and Brian shot each other looks and started to guffaw.

"Right," Brian wheezed, "Have your balls hidden from the real world for good?"

"Daddy, daddy, you didn't tuck me in last night," Mason murmured against his father's chest, his green eyes peeking thru the folds of his suit jacket. "I waited and waited and waited…"

Kevin had to laugh at his son's talkativeness. "I'm sorry, sweetie, but remember I called you and told you Daddy had to work last night?"

He looked at his face curiously. "Daddy, you go night night in here?"

He nodded. "Yes I did."

Mason frowned. "That's bad." He shook his head at his father. "Bad Daddy. Mommy's gonna get REALLY mad."

Kristen grinned. "That took care of MY lecture. Come on, Mason, you'll ruin Daddy's good suit if you keep burrowing into him." She pulled off the little boy from Kevin's arms and put him down on the floor beside her. "You forgot to bring your lucky tie, babe," Kristen added, handing her husband his favourite black and blue Versace tie, then leaning down to give him a quick kiss on the lips. "I know you'd want it for the stockholder's meeting later."

Kevin gave her a grateful look. "I do. Thanks for remembering, baby. AJ and I got too wrapped up in the figures last night, I forgot all about it."

"Ooh, ooh!" Brian raised his hand in excitement, "Kris, ya wanna know what else AJ got wrapped in? C'mon, c'mon, ask me!"

Kris looked at her husband, and saw that he shook his head in warning. "Trust me, babe, you DON'T wanna know."

"I do!" a dark haired woman standing by the doorway, clutching two toddlers by the hand. "Hey everyone!"

Howie looked up and saw the shining brown eyes of the woman he loved. "Mi querida!"

She grinned. "Honey love!" With much drama, the two came together and gave each other noisy messy kisses, eliciting a loud whine from little Mason.

"MO-ommy! Howie and Leigh are KISSING!" Mason wrinkled his little nose and hid behind his mother's skirt. By the doorway, two little boys started giggling.

"Well looky who we got here!" Brian held his arms out to the laughing kids. "Hi ya there, Matty 'n James! Give Uncle Brian a hug!"

The two boys launched themselves at Brian, squealing as they bumped into each other in their haste to get to him. When they were enveloped securely in his arms, however, their squeals increased tenfold as Brian lifted them off the floor.

"I wonder if I'm actually the only CEO in the world whose office doubles as a day care center," Kevin mused wryly as he stood up and welcomed the new arrivals. "Hey, Leigh, what a pleasant surprise. You're looking very…"

Howie pulled away from his wife and threw a casual arm over her shoulder. "Pregnant," he beamed.

Smatterings of "ohmigod", "that's so great!", and "Another Dorough!" peppered the suddenly excited room, with Howie receiving good natured jibes from his comrades and a warm hug from Kristen.

Sarah beamed as Kristen pulled her into a hug. "Who would’ve thought, huh? After James, thought you two knew better," Kristen kidded, jabbing Howie on his side.

Howie took this time to puff out his chest proudly. "We Doroughs enjoy a challenge."

"And Howie is hoping we get a girl this time, so he'll have an excuse to go shopping." Leigh informed everyone, picking up her three-year old James, who'd started tugging on her skirt.

Amidst the chaos, nobody noticed 2-year-old Matty clambering off Brian's arms and walk shakily across the massive office table he landed on.

After a few more cautious steps, he stopped in front of Kevin, who'd been laughing at Brian's attempt at messing with Howie.

Blinking his deep blue eyes and blowing at the curly blond hair that rested over one eye, he spread his arms wide.

"Kewy?" he called shyly.

Kevin must've missed him when he leaned and whispered something in his son’s ear, sending her giggling wildly.

"Kewy," he said again, this time pulling on the man's hair, since his head was near enough for him to reach.

Kevin was surprised at the sudden flash of pain that came from his head and straightened quickly, inadvertently causing the little boy to lose his balance and land bottom first onto a pile of paper.

Kevin was quick to be apologetic. "Matty! Oh man, I'm so sorry," he said, picking the boy up and settling him by his side. "I didn't see you."

Matty frowned but valiantly held his tears in check. "Kewy owie."

"It hurts, big guy?" Kevin rubbed the child's butt through his jeans. "Sorry, man. All better?"

Matty nodded, his head bobbing up and down almost comically. "Hug?"

At that Kevin grinned. "Absolutely." Enveloping the little boy in a tight bear hug, Kevin swore he could smell some of Howie's aftershave.

"You been hanging around Howie again, bud?" he laughed. "Howie, Matty's starting to smell like you. You been keeping him locked up in your bathroom, haven't ya?"

"He smells good, doesn't he? Matty isn't complaining, are you, squirt?"

Matty patted his cheeks. "Matty shave. Look, Kewy." He pointed to a reddish looking scar by his chin. "Cool?"

"Wow, Matty, that looks nasty. Did that hurt?" Kevin threw Howie a sidelong glance. "Has Nick gone apeshit yet?"

"Watch the language, honey," Kristen warned lightly.

"Sorry. Has he?"

"Nope. And besides, it didn't hurt the little guy. James here thought he was doing his friend a favour and started shaving Matty's chin with one of his play razors. Caught it in time, thank God…"

"And Nick doesn't know yet?" Kevin put Matty down on the floor beside Mason.

"We're on borrowed time. I'm hoping Matty forgets about it by the time Nicky gets back from Baltimore."

Kevin straightened as he heard the end of Howie's statement. "Wait a minute…Nick's in Baltimore? Since when?"

Brian nodded absently in remembrance. "Oh yeah. Forgot all about that…"

Howie gave Kevin a strange look as he took a fussy James off his mother's hands. "Since five days ago, Kev. He told all of us last week, remember?"

Kevin scratched his head. "He did? Dangit, I don't even remember if he did. So that's why I couldn't find him anywhere. Matty's staying with you while he's gone?"

Howie nodded. "And Matty's been the coolest little helper for Auntie Leigh, haven't you, buddy?"

Matty gave them the signature Carter smile, leaving no doubt who his father was or where he got the smile from.

"Opping?" he asked, looking up at Leigh, who reached out to carry him.

"Uh huh you bet we're going shopping. We're going to get you new clothes and toys and stuff. And Uncle D's gonna pay for it."

"I am?"

"Sure you are, babe."

"Opping now?" Matty asked, wrapping his arms around Leigh's neck. "Go car?"

"We're leaving in a while, okay? Then we'll ride the car. Kris, you guys ready?" Leigh asked the other woman.

"Yup," she answered with a smile. Turning to her husband, she explained, "We're going to shop for Mason's birthday stuff." She kissed Kevin on the lips. "We'll be back home before dinner."

Kevin nodded as he kissed his wife and son goodbye. Howie, on the other hand, was a tad bit more dramatic.

"Oh mi querida, leaving me so soon?" he called out in a smooth Spanish accent.

Leigh could only roll her eyes before she pulled on James's hand and ushering the two kids out the door followed by Kristen and Mason.

After saying goodbye to their guests, the three men sat back down.

"I can't believe Nick didn't tell me he was going to Baltimore. I've been trying to get in touch with him so we could wrap up Billy's CD." Kevin didn't relish the thought that he was going to have to tell Billy Ames, the newest rock act they signed for the label, that his producer had gone missing. It wasn't going to sink well with the temperamental artist, since Nick was the only one he'd trusted with his work, aside from Kevin.

Brian spoke up. "I can take a crack at it if you want, man. Nick and I worked together on it in the beginning."

Kevin shook his head. "You know how Nick gets when we start taking over for him. It'll piss him off, majorly. What the hell is he doing in Baltimore this time of year anyway? There's nothing to see there."

Brian and Howie exchanged looks. "It's the last week of August, Kev," Howie told his friend.

"So?"

"Two years ago, this week, Kev. Remember?" Brian added quietly.

"Two years---?" Kevin reached deep in his memory for that one. Then a realization. "Oh."

Brian and Howie nodded.

Kevin sighed as he leaned back on his chair. Staring out his window, he began to understand.

Two years ago this week, Nick's wife died in a freak car accident.

And two years ago this week too, Nick's spirit decided to die with her.

God, has it really been that long?

 

 

Chapter 3

Friday night, Tasha was busy fidgeting with her pearl necklace in front of her dressing room mirror when the knock sounded. She’d just finished another three set performance for an almost full bar, and she was drained.

"Come in," she called out softly, her mind preoccupied with work problems she'd encountered earlier that day. Her boss down at her day job had taken her aside and basically told her that she needed to shape up or she was going to be one of the first to go when the company started restructuring next month. By the time she left his office, she was trembling, because she couldn’t possibly afford to lose her day job. The commission she got here at the hotel hadn’t been enough, even if she was pulling serious overtime.

"Tasha?" An unfamiliar voice lifted her from her thoughts. She turned.

It was Nick Carter, looking ridiculously perfect in a dark suit. He was back again tonight and that made her feel like the most important person in the world.

He came here to see her, fifth night in a row.

She stood up immediately, unable to disguise the breathlessness in her voice. “Ni---Mr. Carter. Hello.”

His smile made her toes curl. “Please, call me Nick. Can I come in?”

In her nervousness, she tightened the belt of her robe. “Of course, of course, have a seat.”

All six foot, two inches of him walked into the tiny dressing room, with a few dozen flowers in hand.

“I come bearing gifts.” He offered her the flowers—a massive bouquet of tulips—and a big cup of hot mint ginger tea.

She was surprised as she looked at the cup. “How did you know I was--?”

He sat across from her and leaned back. “Your voice got a good workout out there. I figured it needed some TLC.”

Her favourite post-show drink and now these flowers. Tasha felt a blush slowly creep up her cheeks.

“Thank you.” She placed the flowers and tea on the table beside her. “Did you…did you enjoy the show tonight?”

He smiled as he nodded. “I thoroughly enjoyed the acoustic treatment for ‘I Want It That Way’.”

When he’d told her yesterday who he was, she’d felt her knees buckle and almost give way as she watched him walk away. She couldn’t believe he was there and she hadn’t recognized him. Fifteen years ago, she would’ve known the back of his head from five miles away. She’d been THAT fanatical over the Backstreet Boys.

But since they’d retired from the boyband game, and she’d started working to keep her family taken care of, that particular obsession was forgotten.

“I’m glad you enjoyed it. I made sure I included it in my set for you.”

He smiled. “The Backstreet Boys thank you.”

She smoothed the fabric of her robe distractedly. “What can I do for you, Nick?”

“I keep having the strangest feeling that I’ve seen you before, heard your sound.” He leaned back against his seat and looked at her curiously. “I’ve been trying to figure it out all week.”

Tasha blinked and tried to control her embarrassment. “Oh?

"So have I?" Nick drawled as he leaned forward, looking straight at her.

"Uh…Have you what?" Good lord, this man made her fluster easily.

"Met you. Or seen you sing somewhere. Your voice isn't something a guy like me forgets."

She couldn't help but smile giddily at his suave pronouncement. "If you've come into the lounge in the last year, you might've."

He shook his head. "No, I think this is actually the first time I've been here. I'm thinking years ago…"

Tasha cringed involuntarily. Crap, he probably remembered that awful talent search eight years ago, when she and her then punk band "Metal Gyros" came out to California to audition for an up-and-coming record label. It was an experience she'd soon forget.

He caught her frown and smiled knowingly. "I have, haven't I? Tell me." He stared at her brown eyes expectantly.

She wanted to groan out loud but barely managed to keep it in. "I'm sure you don't want to know. I sure don't want to remember."

"Humor me."

She regarded him with barely concealed exasperation and thought about what she'd actually say.

"I promise I'll still respect you in the morning," he'd offered with a half-smile.

Tasha had to laugh in spite of herself. "Cute.”

He sat back, folded his arms over his chest and waited.

Uncertain as she was, Tasha had been bowled over by his smile to do anything else but what he asked.

"Eight years ago," she started hesitantly, not daring to look at him in the eye. "I was in a band called 'Metal Gyros' and if you laugh, I swear I'll dump this tea on your lap," she warned with a decidedly firm look.

It was the half-smile again. She thought she was going to have a heart attack. "Go on."

"We flew to California because we heard there was this record label looking to sign an unknown rock act. I had no idea it was you guys, but I was there, and you were there with the rest of the Boys…and I was terrible."

Nick's brows furrowed as he tried to remember. "Define terrible."

"I forgot most of the words the first time you asked us to sing. The second time was much better, but I guess we'd already made a bad first impression. Y'all didn't call."

He was still trying to remember. "Was it during the holidays? Coz I don't remember me doing general auditions any other time that year."

"Oh no, it was summer. We sent you a demo and you asked us to fly on over to audition. We were with, I think five other bands." She smiled at the memory. "When I was a kid, I was this big fan of yours and then seeing you from the stage like that…it just made me a little too nervous. If it wasn’t for this woman who talked to me backstage, I would've choked the second time around."

"Which woman?"

"Oh, this lady who came up to me backstage after I screwed up the first song. At first I thought she was this model, right? She was so beautiful. She had long dark hair and had the most amazing green eyes, and when she saw me crying by the bathroom, she sat down beside me and talked to me."

Tasha was so into telling the story that she missed the imperceptible hardness take over Nick's face.

"She said she knew you and the boys and that I shouldn't be nervous about performing on that stage. She was so sweet, she told me my voice was amazing. She was so sure you'd like me too if I'd loosen up."

Tasha's mouth quirked to a grin. "Then she said something about you that I'd never forget."

At this point all color was lost from Nick's face. "What?"

"She said that the first time she met you, she threw up on your shoes. Later, I figured if she can still be friends with you after that, I can certainly get past my first fuck up and perform the second song better." She gave him a quizzical look. "I'd been meaning to thank her afterwards, but I couldn't find her anywhere. I didn't even get her name."

She saw Nick swallow and frown fiercely. Concerned, she leaned closer. "Are you alright?"

"Faith." His voice was strangled, almost as if he was forcing himself to speak.

"Excuse me?"

"Her name." He looked up, his baby blues crashing into Tasha's deep brown. "Her name was Faith."

"Seriously?" Tasha couldn't have been more surprised. "So she really knew you? She wasn't just pulling my leg?"

He nodded and gave her a weak smile.

"Was she, you know, a producer or something? Or a singer? Does she work for you?"

He shook his head.

"Then who was she?"

His answer was so soft she had to strain to hear.

"She was my wife."

*********

"Daddy looky!" little James shouted from the next room. Howie groaned and dropped his head against the magazine he was reading. Was it too much to hope for some peace and quiet this late at night? Wasn't James supposed to be sleeping?

"Yeah James?" Howie called out, his tired voice mirroring the condition of his body. He didn't want to get up from the bed, nor did he want to drop the New York Times he'd only started reading.

He heard the patter of excited feet from outside his open door and sighed. Oh boy. His son was up and running.

"Daddy! Mommy found pi-tures!" James's high pitched squeals made his father cringe. Did Leigh forget and gave James sugar anyway? She knew how he got when he was on a high…

"Daddy!" James's dark hair flew around his face as he quickly made his way to his Dad's lap. From Howie's lips escaped a loud 'oomph' when James managed to settle his weight more forcefully than intended.

"Pi-tures, Daddy! Looky you!" he gave his father a toothy grin.

"Oh James, honey," Leigh called as she rushed to the doorway, a sleepy Matty in her arms. "Daddy's resting, babe. Come on, show him tomorrow."

"Nah, it's alright," Howie said, ruffling his son's hair. "He's already here. Watcha got there, dude?"

"Pi-tures," he answered proudly, holding up two 8x10 glossies…OLD 8x10 glossies. "Wanna see?"

Leigh walked over to the bed and sat beside her husband, with Matty on her lap, his thumb stuck in his mouth. "I was looking for James's old teddy bears for Matty in the hall closet and I found those press shots on the floor."

Howie smiled as he saw the photos he knew quite well. "Oh man, I haven't seen these in YEARS."

The first was a photo of all five Backstreet Boys performing onstage during the ‘Backstreet’s Back’ tour back in the day. With them clad in leather, the main focus of the shot had been Howie, his shirt half ripped and half drenched in sweat. His hair was a non-flattering perm then, and his mouth was wide open, a microphone clutched near it.

James giggled. "Daddy weird."

"Yeah, I looked so odd back then. Man…" Howie laughed and gave Leigh a smile.

The second photograph was a picture of Nick during their early days: longish blond hair down the side of his face, his face thin, awaiting the onset of adolescence. His eyes were closed, giving the impression that he was intensely concentrated on what he was singing. He had a death grip on the microphone after all.

"I can't believe Nick ever looked this skinny." Howie chuckled, showing Leigh the picture. "Look at that, he was all bones. We never DID get why the girls went gaga over him when he looked like a beanpole."

"He had THE SMILE, babe," Leigh pointed out, handing the photograph to Matty, who'd reached out for it. "The smile did it all."

"Daddy sing?" Matty asked in a shy voice, looking up at his Aunt Leigh.

She nodded. "Yep, that's Daddy singing there, honey."

Matty frowned. "Daddy no sing." He then shook his head to emphasize his point. "Nooooo sing."

"Of course your Daddy sings, Matty," Howie countered as he pulled James off him. "Me, Uncle Kev, Uncle AJ, Uncle Bri-bri, and Daddy used to sing together. We had a band and everything."

Matty still looked doubtful. "Why?"

"Well, coz we were good and we just rocked." He grinned. "Right babe?"

Leigh rolled his eyes. "You don't need me to inflate your ego any more honey…"

Matty finally pulled out his thumb from his mouth and pursed his lips. "Daddy no sing now."

Howie opened his mouth to answer then closed it again. How did he explain to Matty that Nick long since retired from singing because of the guilt he felt over his wife's death. He glanced over at Leigh.

Leigh smoothed the hair on the little boy's head. "Well, Matty, Daddy's taking a break from singing right now." She smiled. "But trust me, sweetie. Your Daddy's got the voice of an angel."

"Doesn't Daddy sing to you, Matty?" Howie asked curiously.

He shook his little blond head. "Leigh-leigh sings," he volunteered, referring to his second favorite aunt, Leighanne. "Sing beddie bye. Leigh sing too." Matty looked up at Leigh and smiled.

She felt herself smiling with him. This boy was going to a heartbreaker one day…just like his father.

"And Aunt Leigh sings pretty great doesn't she?" she said as she cuddled the boy.

"Leigh pretty too!" he giggled as he wrapped his arms around her and hugged her tightly. "I wuv you, Leigh."

Howie grinned as he saw his wife promptly falling in love with the child all over again. "Man, whatever Nick taught you about women, he taught you well."

**********

She wanted the earth to swallow her up where she sat. She can't believe she'd been so ditsy. Of course that beautiful woman was his wife. Someone that beautiful would’ve ONLY been wife material.

I've sunk to the lowest of lows.

"You've what?"

Did I say that out loud?

"Umm…yeah, you have a beautiful wife." Tasha muttered, with a sheepish smile.

"Had," he corrected.

"Oh."

"She died two years ago."

I am an amoeba. I am the most tactless person on earth, in all of history.

"I'm sorry." I'll go kick myself senseless now.

He shrugged. "So am I.”

"So, um…" She took a big gulp from her tea. "Before I embarrass myself even more in the next five minutes, why don't you tell me why you REALLY wanted to talk to me. And I’m sure it’s not just because of Metal Gyros."

"I told you last night. I like your sound." He tilted his head a little to the side. "And I’m intrigued by you. What’s your story?"

"I sing here every other week with a four piece band. I’m not sure what story you’re looking for.” She leaned back and noticed his discerning gaze. “I thanked you last night too. Do you want me to thank you again?" There was an edge in her voice now, born from the unusual turn of conversation in the last few seconds.

"You could, I guess." He smiled. "But what I'd really like you to do is say yes."

She blinked. "Yes to what?"

"I have a proposition for you."

A sinking feeling developed in her chest. She raised a questioning eyebrow.

"How do you feel about doing a private party with me?"

Tasha's jaw dropped in surprise. "Excuse me?"

"It’s a week from tomorrow, in Malibu. I’ll take care of everything. It’ll be you, me, some of my colleagues. How does that sound to you?"

His invitation, delivered in this low, impossibly sensual tone, made her confused. "Look, MR. CARTER," she said pointedly. "I don't know what I did to give you the impression that I'm your average….skank for rent, but I don't sleep with men who watch my shows. Or any man, for that matter, who think they can offer me flowers so I can take my clothes off in front of his friends. Even if you ARE Nick Carter."

She stood up. “I think you should leave.”

Nick caught her arm and quickly shook his head.

"Tasha, wait. I'm sorry, I didn't mean it the way it sounded. Really."

She shook his hand off. “And also, seriously? You could have any skinny model on the planet and you choose me? And all this?” Her hands motioned towards her ample curves. She gave him a quelling look and rested her hands on her waist. “Mr. Carter, seriously.”

He stood up and held her arm. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it that way,” he repeated, running a hand through his hair. “I’m seriously out of practice.”

"Then what DID you mean?"

"Sit down and I'll tell you."

Arms akimbo, she regarded him with reservation. "I'd rather stand if it were all the same to you."

He sighed. "I'm sorry, Tasha, really. What I meant was that I'll be hosting a private party for a few of my friends and industry executives next week. I'd like it if you were there to sing for us. Can you do that?"

"Just to sing?"

Nick nodded, his blond hair carelessly brushed away from his face. "Just to sing."

"When?"

"Next Saturday."

"Where?"

He smiled. "My house in Malibu."

Her jaw dropped a second time. "Your house in…oh that is SO not funny."

"I wasn't joking."

She didn't know when it happened, but her initial fascination with the man she knew as Nick Carter, suddenly transformed itself to wariness. He now looked like all the other guys who came up to her after her shows, a little odd, a little untrustworthy. Too bad he was so cute.

"I'm in Baltimore, Nick. California is a long way to go for a party."

“I will make it worth your while.”

She raised an eyebrow at him.

He smiled apologetically. “This is just…I swear I’m usually a better negotiator than this. Can we start over?” He held out his hand. “Hi, I’m Nick. I’m a record producer-slash-talent manager.”

Reluctantly, Tasha reached out and shook his hand. “I’m Tasha. Office worker bee by day, singer by night.”

“Tasha, I’d like to offer you a chance to perform at the Millennium Records showcase next Saturday. Four songs, tops. And the record company will pay for everything, flying you in, accommodations, everything. Think of it as an audition.”

Tasha blinked. “Audition?”

“We’re looking for a new solo act to sign and I’m putting you forward as my top choice. Especially after what I’ve seen the last few days. Will you come?”

Tasha was hesitant. "I'm not shooting it down. It's just that…California? I have a day job. I need my Saturday pay…and I haven’t been in an audition in years…”

Nick nodded. “Everyone joining the showcase will receive $5,000 just for being there. The one we actually do sign gets a guaranteed contract of 2 albums, a $25,000 signing bonus and a generous royalty package.”

Tasha couldn’t help herself. Her eyes widened. “Did you say a signing bonus?”

Nick’s smile widened. “I told you I’d make it worth your while.”

She knew right away there was no way she could say no.

 

Chapter 4

Nick dropped his bags tiredly in Howie's living room after the evening security detail let him in. It was almost three in the morning, and as expected, the whole house was dark and quiet. It was a welcome respite from the noise in Baltimore, that's for sure. He was glad to be home.

After that conversation he had with Tasha, he'd made quick arrangements to get back to California that same evening. Five days in Baltimore WAS too long. He needed to come home to his family, his son.

During the six hour flight, he'd thought about little else other than what he was going to do with Tasha next weekend. He needed to tread carefully, he’d already put his foot in his mouth once today. He planned to sign on to be her manager, before AJ or Howie got wind of her. She was pure unadulterated talent, and it was a wonder she hadn't been signed to a label before now. Nick could see platinum albums and Grammy nominations in her future. He needed a plan to make her say yes.

How he chanced upon Tasha's performance was pure coincidence. He'd been filled with thoughts of his wife since he'd arrived in Baltimore, and his emotional visits to her grave didn't help any. He'd wanted to escape the memories of her, and their short time together, and the only way he thought of doing it was by drowning himself in alcohol. It worked before. It should work again.

But when he'd stepped into the lounge, and heard Tasha's beautiful voice, he was mesmerized. In an instant, it felt like he was home again, her voice warm, full and inviting. He'd stayed for all three of her sets because he didn't want to lose that warm feeling. He didn't want to know anything else.

The next four days though, was enough time to gauge whether Nick had really wanted her to audition for the other guys. She definitely had the talent. Kevin and Brian would see that right off. AJ and Howie would see her dark hair and soulful eyes and Nick was sure that those alone could convince them that she was right for the label.

Nick…well, Nick just wanted to show her off to the world.

Taking off his coat, he made his way quietly up the stairs and found the boys' room. Opening the door slightly, he spied a restlessly sleeping James on his race car bed. Straining his eyes against the darkness, he looked around some more until he found the small dozed form of his little boy.

Nick's heart leapt to his throat as it did every single time he saw Matty. God, he'd missed him. Five days away from him was too long. He'd missed the hugs, the kisses and his trusting eyes.

Walking inside the room, he sat beside his bed and touched his pink cheeks.

Beside Matty on the bed, Leigh stirred.

"Nick?" she called out drowsily, opening one eye and seeing her friend's tired smile.

"Hi Leigh," he greeted quietly. "Sorry for waking you.”

She rubbed her eyes open and sat up, "No problem, Nicky. Did you just get in?"

He nodded. "Thanks for taking care of the little guy for me."

She smiled. "He was an angel, honey. No need to thank me.”

“Was he having problems sleeping? Is that why you’re staying with him?” He was concerned as he brushed his son’s hair away from his face.

Leigh laughed. “No, Howie’s snoring was in fine form tonight, I needed to get away. Do you want me to set up the guest room for you?"

Nick shook his head. "I can sleep here with Matty, if that's okay."

She gave Nick a small smile and dropped a kiss on Matty’s forehead. "You got it. See you in the morning."

With that, she got up and made her way to her room. Nick stood to take off his clothes. Leaving on his boxers, he made his way around the small single bed and pulled the covers away so he could slip in beside the sleeping child.

It didn’t take him long to get comfortable. As soon as he'd pulled Matty close to him, the boy had automatically rested his head against his father's chest. Moments later, Nick was lulled to sleep by Matty's soft breathing.

**********

“You’re late.”

Tasha looked up to her father’s frail form sitting by the window of his room as she closed the door behind her. It was early Saturday evening and she was almost an hour late for her weekly visit at the Johns Hopkins Cancer facility where her father had been staying for the last year.

Tasha straightened at the reprimand. “Happy birthday, Dad. I brought presents.”

He didn’t even turn around, his attention caught between the setting sun and the activity in the park across the street.

“My birthday’s not until next week. Get your dates right,” he said gruffly.

“I—“ Tasha cleared her throat to help stop the impending onslaught of emotion. “I know, Daddy. But I won’t be in town next week so I thought we could celebrate today.” She pulled up a chair next to him. “And I made your favourite – red velvet cupcakes.”

He looked over, first at her then at the cupcakes on her lap. He turned back to his people watching. “I’m not hungry.”

“Dad, you need to eat something. Your nurses said you haven’t been touching your food this week and…”

The next thing she knew, an arm sliced through the air and knocked off all the cupcakes on her lap to the floor. “I said, I’m not hungry.”

It took all of Tasha’s inner strength to not answer back or display any form of emotion. Her dad was gripped with the most unique of brain tumors and it had slowly stripped away the happy easygoing personality he was known in Washington for. As she picked up the flattened cupcakes off the floor, she couldn’t help thinking about the dad she knew growing up, the one who was always there for all her school plays, the one who introduced her to his friends as the love of his life. The one who, until she moved away to college at 18, would kiss her forehead good night every night.

This man in front of her, the perennially angry man who she didn’t even know anymore, did not resemble the gentle loving father she grew up with. And although it broke her heart to check her father in the Cancer Care facility, there was no other way to save him. It didn’t hurt that her father’s collective influence in Washington as the recent White House Counsel got them a spot in a program that had a waiting list 20 years long.

“So Dad,” Tasha continued conversationally as she wiped the remnants of the cupcakes with a paper towel. “I found a copy of that movie, ‘Glengarry Glenn Ross’? Remember that? You loved that movie,” She looked up at him and smiled. “I thought maybe we could watch it tonight while we have dinner.”

“Where are you going?” he asked roughly.

Tasha looked up to see an angry fire in her father’s eyes. “Where?”

“Next weekend. Where are you going?”

Tasha smiled sheepishly. “Oh. Just to California, Dad. I booked a show Saturday night in Malibu. It pays a bit of money so I couldn’t say no.” She brushed some of his hair off his forehead. “It will help us with your hospital bills. And maybe getting us closer to buy back the house from the bank.”

He grunted. “That house is cursed.” Turning away again, I could feel more of the anger simmering close to the surface. “Your mother died in that house.”

She stopped herself from sighing. “I know, Dad, but that house has been with our family for generations. We have to at least try and buy it back.”

The look he shot her was full of venom. “Don’t try to whore out in California. I’ll find out if you do.”

“Dad…”

“And those earrings make you look like a slut. Take them off.”

Her fingers automatically touched the teardrop diamond earrings she was wearing and closed her eyes. It was the same pair he had given her on her graduation from university eight years ago. She remembered how his eyes sparkled as she put the brand new pair on.

“You look just like your mother, baby,” Jeff Callaghan hugged her tight, ignoring the fact that they were in the middle of a crowd of amused onlookers. “Those earrings are perfect on you.”

“Clearly I get my fantastic taste from you,” Tasha laughed. “I love it, and I love you.”

He pulled away and wiped his own tears. “Whatever did I do to deserve a daughter like you?” he said gently, and kissed her forehead. “And remember, it doesn’t matter how many boys you love. I’m always going to be the one who loved you first.”

Tasha slowly took the earrings off and put them in her pocket. Steeling herself for a long night of animosity from her father, she put a smile on her face. “It’s a good thing I have more cupcakes in my bag. Now who wants dessert early?”

*********

"Morning, Janie," Nick smiled at the older woman as he walked into the executive offices of Millennium Records. "That lipstick looks delish on you."

She smiled, her dark brown eyes shining with warmth. She’d long ago become immune to Nick’s flirtatious ways. "Hello, Nick. How was Baltimore?"

"Too cold for me," Nick grinned. "Kevin in there?"

She nodded. "Kev and Brian have been waiting for you. I'll buzz you right in."

He nodded in thanks and strolled through the heavy oak doors as soon as he heard the security buzzer go off.

It had been the first time he showed his face in the office after a week of “vacationing” in Baltimore. And knowing how Kevin was, Nick was expecting him to bitch out a storm. But he was prepared. He'd spent the last two days resting and playing with Matty. He had enough stored good humour to get him through the day, at the very least this meeting with Kevin and Brian.

"What up, dudes!" Nick greeted cheerily. "How're my brothas doin'?"

Kevin stood up from behind his table and gave him a warning look. "Nickolas…"

"Baltimore was great, I had a freaky time," Nick managed a hollow laugh as he glimpsed Brian's look of reproach. "Thanks for asking."

"You look pale." Brian said out of the blue.

"Too much of Baltimore gets to you this way. I'm good." Nick dropped himself on the sofa beside Brian. "So, how're things?"

"Nick, I have a bone to pick with you." Kevin said with a frown. He walked around the desk to stand a few meters in front of Nick.

"Don't you always, huh, old man?" he commented, raising an eyebrow.

"Billy's going apeshit, man. You left his album hanging."

"That's all? I already talked to him yesterday. We're resuming recording this afternoon."

"How come you weren't answering my messages?"

"I left my mobile at home, dude. Chill. I'm here now, aren't I?" Nick smiled. "And I have good news for you guys."

Kevin frowned. "I'm not done, Nick."

"Sure you are. I talked to Billy, his album's coming along as scheduled, and I'm getting back on the job this afternoon. What else could be wrong?"

"What's the good news?" Brian asked, more curious than he should be.

Nick's smile lit up his whole face. "I found her."

Brian blinked. So did Kevin.

"Found who?"

"Our next Grammy award winning artist."

"Huh?" Brian said, looking at his cousin.

"Her name's Tasha Callaghan and she's a singer at the Carlton Lounge. In Baltimore. Can you believe it? Who finds talent in Baltimore? She has the most amazing voice…"

"Hold on, hold on…" Kevin held up his hand and sat down on the chair in front of Nick. "You were in Baltimore five days and already you want to sign this…Tasha?"

"She's amazing, Kev, you should hear her."

"I'm not going to Baltimore to check her out, man." Brian shook his head.

"Neither am I. There's too much work to do."

Nick grinned. "That's the beauty of it all. She's coming here."

Kevin was surprised at the excitement in Nick's voice. "When?"

"Next weekend. I asked her to sing at the Showcase. Isn't that cool?"

Kevin glanced at Brian then Brian at Nick. The cousins looked pleasantly relieved. "Nick, we haven't heard you THIS excited over anything in a long time." Kevin remarked quietly, leaning against the armrest.

"Trust me, when you hear her sing, you'll be as crazy about her as I am." Nick announced, his voice turning serious. "And there's another thing."

Kevin and Brian looked at him expectantly.

"I want to manage her."

Brian's eyes bugged out instantly. "What?!"

Kevin frowned. "Did you just say manage?"

Nick stared at them with feign hurt. "I feel the love, guys, seriously."

Brain shook his head. "Sorry, Nick, but you've kind of taken us both by surprise today. First you say you want to sign up an unknown lounge singer, then in the next breath you say you want to manage her. And it's only Monday morning." He held a hand over his chest dramatically. "What've you got planned for tomorrow, huh, buck-o?"

Nick grinned. "You're a nut, Rok."

"Nick," Kevin interrupted, his brows furrowed with worry. "Are you sure about this? That you want to do this? You haven't tried managing an artist in…"

"Three years, since my wedding, I know." Nick's eyes darkened with emotion. "I know I said I was getting out of managing and performing for a while, but Tasha's special. I want to help her out every step of the way."

"Why?" Kevin was suspicious by nature, so it wasn't surprising for anyone in the room to hear his caustic tone. "Are you sleeping with her?"

Nick frowned at his accusation. "Don’t be an asshole, Kev."

"So you aren't?" Brian asked in turn. "Because if you're only doing this because she's a great lay, then…"

"Shit," Nick cursed, standing up, "Stop treating me like a randy teenager for a friggin' minute and trust me, alright?" He tossed a DVD on Kevin's lap. "THAT's my proof, Richardson. Watch that and you both will understand what I mean."

Nick then turned and made his way to the door.

"Nick," Brian stood up as he called out to his best friend. "We trust you, but we're your brothers too. We're only looking out for you."

Nick turned to Brian with a frown. "I'm thirty-one going on fifty, Rok. With the way my life's been, no one can look out for me better than I can. So just leave me the fuck alone."

With that, he slammed the door behind him.

**********

"Daddy?"

Nick looked up from his place in front of the piano and ran a quick hand in front of his tired eyes.

He smiled. "Hey there, munchkin." Nick lifted his eyes to give a curious look at Damon, the Compound’s senior security guy and Matty's occasional ‘nanny.’ "Anything going on, Damon?"

The huge black man just shrugged and nudged Matty inside the studio. "He wanted to see you. Go on, little guy, I'll wait for you outside."

Matty didn't hesitate to waddle straight into his father's open arms. Nick hugged him tightly as he pulled him up on his lap.

The two-year-old giggled. "Daddy tickles."

Nick rubbed his stubbled chin against his cheek. "Whatcha laughing at, huh, dude?" He then dropped a kiss atop his head. "Had your lunch?"

Matty nodded. "Samich and I-cweam. Damon give." He held up a little finger and touched Nick's nose. "Daddy eat?"

"I'm not hungry, little man. Daddy's okay."

"Daddy eat I-cweam?"

Nick smiled. "Maybe later, dude. I'm working right now. What did you and Damon do all morning?"

"Tendo."

"Nintendo?"

He nodded excitedly. "And books."

"Damon read you books?"

"And Cookie Monster and beach." Matty gave his father a proud grin. "Matty ride boat!"

Nick laughed and hugged Matty tight. "That's cool, dude."

"I rock?" he asked in his little boy voice.

Nick nodded and smiled wider. "Yes, bud, you SO rock." He turned his body so both of them faced the piano keys. "Wanna hear what I'm working on?"

Matty nodded as if in understanding.

So Nick obliged, and started playing ‘Scream,’ a song he'd written a few years back, when he'd lost his wife.

Nick started to hum, not trusting his voice to sing the words that were too much a part of his soul. It was a song about loving, about holding on and never letting go.

And most importantly, it was a song about remembering.

Faith. For years now, whenever he closed his eyes, it was her face he saw. She took over his dreams and conscious thought, and lately too, when he'd look down at his son's face, he remembered Faith's pert little nose, and her soft blond curls.

Faith's laugh was more like a childish giggle, and whenever Nick heard it, he couldn't help but laugh with her. Her wide blue eyes kept no secrets and showered him with more love than he thought he deserved. Her hugs were addicting too because she'd hold onto him so tight, he felt they were one. She'd always smelled of mint and cookie dough, tempting him sometimes to the point of madness.

"Daddy sing?" Matty spoke loudly, cutting Nick from his thoughts.

"Huh?"

Matty leaned and dropped his little hands on the white keys. "I pay, you sing?"

Nick shook his head, but kept his smile. "Nice try, buddy, but Daddy don't sing no more, remember?"

Matty frowned for a minute. "Howie sing?"

Nick nodded. "Yep."

"Bri-bri sing?"

"Uh-huh."

"Kewy sing?"

"Oh yeah."

"Unca C sing?"

"Sometimes, sure."

"Daddy sing?"

Nick shook his head and sighed. "No, Matty, Daddy doesn't sing anymore."

"Matty sing?"

"Matty can sing ALL the songs he wants to," Nick answered with a laugh. "Wanna sing for me, big guy?"

Nodding his blond head enthusiastically, he shouted, "BARNEY!!!"

"Alrighty then!" Nick placed his fingers on the key, and started the chords to the 'I LOVE YOU' song.

"Hey!!!" a loud familiar voice shouted from the doorway behind them. "Y'all are starting the party without me?"

Father and son turn and see Matty's uncle drop his overnight bag on the floor and grin.

JC Chasez, formerly known as a fifth of NSYNC, is now known in the Carter household as Uncle C, Matty's favorite uncle. He was Faith's older brother, and therefore truly family.

"Unca C!!!" Matty jumped down from Nick's lap and ran giggling into JC's arms.

"Hey there, you little monster you," JC growled as he picked up his nephew and threw him up in the air. After catching him, he pulled her close to him and gave him a tight hug, the stubble from JC's day old beard tickling Matty's cheek.

"C! Ticko!" Matty giggled, throwing his arms around JC's neck.

Nick shook his head and stood up. "Welcome home, C," he greeted with a nod. "How was Europe?"

JC looked up, blue meeting blue. "Boring as hell, bro. Elton John was a royal pain in the A-S-S." To Matty, he said, "Didja miss me, Matty?"

The little kid nodded. "I missed you this much!" He extended his arms to his sides.

JC's eyes widened dramatically. "That much? Aww, man, I missed you too. I got you a bunch of stuff from my trip. Wanna see?"

He grinned a toothy grin. "Where?"

"It's with Damon outside," JC announced, putting him down.

"Me go see?" Matty asked, poised to run. "C come?"

"You go ahead, I need to talk to Daddy."

"Kay, bye Daddy!" Then he broke out at a run out the door.

JC turned his attention back to his brother-in-law. "Matty's gotten bigger, Nick. You should’ve warned me."

Nick nodded and gave him a half-grin. "He surprises me everyday too. Come 'ere and gimme a hug."

JC walked on over to Nick and put his arms around the taller man warmly. Whether Nick admitted it or not, he missed JC's presence around the compound. They'd grown to be good friends since he met Faith, and he trusted the man with his life. He WAS family after all.

"Gawd you're scrawny," Nick grumbled. "Those English not treating you good?"

"I missed the Mickey Dees," JC chuckled. "Somehow tea and scones don't do it for me."

"Did you and Elton finish the soundtrack on time?" JC had been away for three months to help produce the soundtrack to Sir Elton John's new animated film.

"Just barely. The man is a nutcase, remind me never to produce for him again."

"He's British, and he's a genius." Nick reasoned matter-of-factly. "That's explanation enough."

"How was Baltimore?" JC countered softly, his brows furrowed with concern. "I talked to Mom yesterday and she said you were over there for a while.

Nick hesitated. Talking about Faith was still a sensitive subject, especially now that he'd recently visited her grave.

"Did you have a nice visit?" JC prodded, unwilling to let him retreat within himself again.

He nodded, much to JC's relief. "I hung out with Karen and Roy for a few hours. We talked about Matty a lot." Then he grinned. "They're coming down here to visit for Thanksgiving, by the way, so if you want to disappear, I gave you fair warning, dude."

JC smiled. "Nah, Mom's on my case enough about still being single. I don't want to give her more ammunition by pulling another disappearing act for the holidays." He regarded Nick with concern still. "Are you okay?"

Nick's blond head nodded. "It's good, C. I just need to get out of this funk, you know?"

"And I have just the thing, bro." JC put an arm around Nick's shoulders. "Do the words ‘ARKHAM CITY for PS3 pre-release’ mean anything to you?"

Nick laughed as he got what JC meant. "Dang, man, if you brought me home one of those, I'll kiss the ground you walk on, dude."

"Then start puckering up, man, I'm your new best friend." With a laugh, JC pulled on Nick and made their way out the studio.

 

Chapter 5

Tasha stared blankly out the darkened car windows as she tried to register where she was. She was tired to the bone, pulling in double duty at her ad agency day job and at the lounge at night for the last week as well as prepping for the Showcase. Right now, all she was looking forward to is getting to the hotel and collapsing until tomorrow.

Unfortunately, they were stuck in Friday evening traffic on the Pacific Coast Highway so her goose-down-feather dreams were going to have to wait. She sighed and leaned back on her seat.

Damon, an imposing, almost scary giant of a man, looked at her from the driver’s side and raised an eyebrow. He had greeted her at the airport with a sign that only read “Tasha Callaghan” and looked like he was about to fall asleep standing there. After she introduced herself, he looked at her, grunted twice and turned to walk toward the car, leaving her to run after him with two heavy pieces of luggage.

He had gestured to the front seat as he dumped her bags into the trunk of the SUV without effort at all. She wondered if he was mute or just generally not very chatty as she got into the car.

The silence started to become unbearable and after prodding and prying, she not only managed to get his name out of him but the fact that he was one of the three security guys that have been with Nick since he was fourteen.

After all that, the car was shot back into silence. Damon was a good driver, but not much of a talker.

“We’ll be there soon,” Damon grumbled, in response to her sigh.

She looked over to Damon with a smile. “Oh hallelujah, Big D. Talk to me. Please.”

He gave her another eyebrow raise.

“Where are we going? Nick didn’t tell me what hotel he booked me in. How far are we to Malibu? Oh my, is that the ocean? And why is Los Angeles so….bright?” She closed all her questions with a smile and then added demurely, “Your turn.”

She didn’t know Damon very well but she could SWEAR he was trying his hardest not to laugh.

“We’re going to the Compound. You’ll be staying at the Artist House with the other performers joining the Showcase tomorrow.”

Compound? Artist house?

“And Los Angeles is not bright. It only seems bright because you’re from Baltimore.”

Tasha feigned offense. “For your information, Baltimore is a thriving metropolis with...” The sound of a phone ringing interrupted her good-natured rant. Looking down at the blinking screen on the radio display, Damon pressed a button.

“You’re on speaker, Nick.” Damon half-growled. This man really needed to enunciate.

“Hey D. Tasha, you there?” Nick’s  voice sounded like he had just woken up. Oh the visual his voice planted in her mind made her heart palpitate.

Tasha thanked the gods for darkened interiors so Damon didn’t see her blush. “Right here, Nick.”

“Welcome to LA. How was your flight?”

“Bumpy but otherwise good. Your air here is different.”

Nick’s deep laughter made her smile. “I hope that’s a good thing. Fresh sea air will clean up the damage that Baltimore air’s done to your body in minutes, I promise.”

“Are you hatin’ on Baltimore too, because you know it’s...”

Damon cut her off, “A thriving metropolis, we know.”

Nick laughed some more. “Arguing about Baltimore already, are we?”

“Oh, I’ll change your opinion on Baltimore yet, Damon. I have a whole weekend,” Tasha pronounced, giving Damon a serious look.

Of course, Damon grunted.

“Where are you guys?”

“Just turning into Cliffside from PCH.” Damon answered as he turned into a smaller stretch of road.

“Oh good, just in time for dinner. D, I just got a call from Leigh saying the Artist House is full tonight. Bring Tasha up to the house, she can stay in the Marilyn room.”

Damon grunted his agreement.

“And Tasha, I’ll see you in a few minutes.” With that he hung up.

In less than a minute, Damon turned into a driveway that could easily have been missed, it was so hidden. As the gates opened, the road seemed to stretch for miles uphill. Damon took to the gas and floored it, reaching the summit in seconds.

It was at that point Tasha’s eyes widened, spotting what seemed to be the most sprawling set of buildings. And lights. So many lights.

Tasha perked at the sight of abundant trees, a massive pool and…was that a waterslide coming from inside one of the buildings?

“Oh jeebus.” She didn’t realize how fast she got out of the car to look at the resplendent structures in front of her. She was staying HERE this weekend?

Tasha took in all the details with suspended breath. Amidst the lush greenery and hillside cottages on one side and a fantastic view of the Pacific Ocean in the other, she spotted four buildings made mostly of glass and clean modern lines. The driveway was packed with cars and event trucks, presumably preparing for tomorrow night’s party. A small sign to her right pointed to the direction of where the Studio was (to her left), the Artist House (to her right), the Sports Complex (They had a sports complex?!), the main building (she assumed it was the shiny and bright two floor structure in front of her)  and the beach.

She must have been staring for a while because the next thing she saw was Damon carrying her bags straight to the side of the main building…a good half a mile away, it seemed.

She was nearly out of breath by the time she caught up with him.

“Damon, for a big guy, you sure move fast,” Tasha heaved. “Where the heck are we?”

She turned as they walked up to a secluded two floor  house tucked right behind the main building. Compared to the modern look of the rest of the property, this one seemed lived in, a classic beach house with a wrap-around balcony and steps that presumably led to the beach. It was signature California architecture, with oak and glass and beautifully crafted wooden patio furniture.

Damon walked through the heavy doors and dropped her bags in the foyer, with Tasha hot on his heels.

The entryway took Tasha’s breath away. High ceilings, curving steps to the second floor and a warm eclectic decor that showed taste that ranged from exotic to silly. Spying the living room a few feet away, she caught her breath at the wall to wall view of the ocean. It was breathtaking.

“We’re not in Oz anymore, Damon,” she breathed.

Before Damon could answer, something small (and blue?) whipped past her and made her lose her balance.

She hadn’t even registered a scream of surprise when she landed butt-first onto the hardwood flooring. Disoriented as she was, she heard shouting from behind her and Damon breaking out to a dead run after the small blue thing.

“Holy…Tasha, are you alright?” The voice was unmistakably Nick’s. He came from behind her and gently held her arms to assist her off the floor.

“I’m okay, just…” she turned and saw his concerned blue eyes. “I uh. Hi.” She so needed to figure out how to talk to Nick without sounding like an idiot.

He smiled. “You’re alright?”

She nodded. “I think so. What was that?” she asked, hearing Damon’s shouting in the distance.

He laughed. “That speed demon was my son. He discovered running about a year ago. He’s now two and he hasn’t stopped since.” He ran his hand through his already tousled hair. “And we just woke up from a nap, so he’s extra energized.” He shook his head and heard Damon shout “Got him!” He relaxed a bit more.

“So how are you liking California so far?” he asked, noticing belatedly that her perplexed look hadn’t changed. “Tasha?”

She was distracted by his powerful presence. Even in jeans and a t-shirt, he looked larger than life. She looked at him for a few more seconds before asking, “Did you say son? You have a two year old boy?”

“Yes, he just turned two about three months ago.” He smiled as he took her purse and coat from her hands. “His name is Matthew...Matty. I’ll introduce you to him later, when he, you know, stops channelling Speedy Gonzales.”

As soon as Nick left the lounge a week ago, she researched him and the label with a tenacity and thoroughness that was her nature. Nothing in those pages said anything about a son. And so young too. “I...okay, so I didn’t know you had a son.”

He shook his head and laughed. “Tsk tsk. We both know the real dirt about me isn’t on the Internet.” His grin widened as he saw her blush. “I’ve been flying so low under the radar these last few years, I’m not surprised TMZ’s missed this.”

“But single fatherhood, that’s big,” she contended.

Nick shook his head as he picked up her two suitcases from the floor as Damon did earlier, without any effort at all. “It’s not really. Not when you have all the help I have.” He looked around then smiled at her brightly, clearly wanting to change the subject. “How about I show you to your room? I’m just getting started on dinner so you have time to freshen up.”

And he cooks too. She promptly pinched herself to make sure she wasn’t dreaming. The man of her teenage fantasies not only charmed her effortlessly in Baltimore but now admitted to being a single father and being a cook. Good lord, did she get teleported into a romance novel? Because really, this was ridiculous.

They went up a staircase and Tasha started to sweat at the image her eyes followed. The jeans he was wearing was doing him all sorts of favors. And her, really. If she had the guts, she would raise her hand and---

 What the hell was wrong with her? He was her host, for crying out loud! It didn't matter that he was Nick Carter, the object of all heartbreaking delusional affections of her youth. He was still all business. So should she.

But dammit if his ass didn't make concentration difficult.

“This isn’t funny,” she whispered to the ceiling, to anyone punking her, if she was being honest.

Nick stopped abruptly as he got to the landing and turned. “I’m sorry?”

Tasha smiled quickly, “Oh nothing. Just talking to myself.” She then noticed the subtle opulence of the second floor hallway they were walking through. Fabric wallpaper lined the corridor so she cautiously touched the subtle print. “This is gorgeous, Nick. This whole place is gorgeous. This is your home?”

He nodded. “It is. I bought the whole property about eight years ago, when the label was just starting up. The guy who owned it was a movie producer back in the day, so I kept it pretty much how he left it, doing small renovations here and there. I just added the main building, the studio and the Artist House five years ago and since then, it’s become The Compound.  The label rents the space from me when they need it.” He pointed to the other side of the house, where a low partition, presumably a childproof gate, kept it separate from the rest of the floor. “Matty and I stay on that side of the floor so I apologize now if he wakes you up with his crying in the middle of the night. He’s been good the last six months but sometimes he has nightmares and seriously, that boy has major pipes.”

He stopped in front of the last room at the end of the hall. "I think you’ll like the Marilyn room," Nick told her with a tinge of pride in his voice as he opened the door.

"The Marilyn room?" she couldn't resist asking, quickly following behind his long strides. Then she didn’t really need an answer because her mouth gaped open as she stepped through the threshold.

The room was just about the size of the Carlton lounge and then some. Definitely five times bigger than her own room and with a seemingly endless view of the ocean. The bed…the four poster bed was the stuff dreams were made of. King sized and draped with billowy light green and white fabric, it complimented the light green décor yet had enough character that it stood out as almost otherworldly.  A sitting area and a bar were situated just by the French doors that seemed to house a generously sized balcony.

And then she spotted the reason it was called the Marilyn room. One whole wall was adorned with enormous black and white photo of her, on the beach, wallpapered unabashedly from floor to ceiling.

It was beautiful.

She heard Nick place her bags right beside…oh my. Were those walk in closets? “I’ve been told Marilyn Monroe stayed in this very room while she was on break from filming ‘Some Like It Hot’.”

She turned to him abruptly but stopped to catch her breath. She didn’t realize he had whispered that little tidbit to her. “Really?” she said breathlessly, his face mere inches from hers.

He grinned. “It was on the listing.” He casually put an arm around her shoulders and walked her to the massive glass floor to ceiling windows. Pointing to French doors that led to the balcony, he opened them with flourish. “And this, my beauty, is all yours.” He took her hand and pulled her out so she could see the view. “You can’t see much of the view in the dark but I wanted to show you that you get your own steps to the beach if you want, so you don’t have to go through first floor balcony.” Pointing to a wooden structure at the base of the steps four floors down, he added, “Shower’s down there as well as towels and sunscreen. Did you bring your suit?”

Tasha couldn’t keep up. She was still stuck on the fact that he was holding her hand. “Suit?”

“Swimsuit? If not we have tons of options for you down there too. Take your pick.”

“Oh I don’t...I don’t swim, really. I never learned how.”

He crossed his arms and regarded her with interest. “Oh, well then, we’re going to have to teach you. Maybe before you go back to Baltimore, I can give you a few pointers. Make sure you pick one of the really SKIMPY  bikinis.” At that point his eyebrows gave her a playfully lecherous wiggle.

Why did she keep blushing around him? “Oh shut up, I’m not wearing a bikini around you. The world isn’t ready for that side of me yet.”

He laughed. “You girls and your self-consciousness. You’re beautiful in whatever you wear. Or don’t wear.” At that, he gave her a wink.

She started laughing. “You know what, this pervy side of you is pretty hilarious.”

His face showed mock surprise. “But I practiced that line all day.”

And charming. His pervy side was VERY charming.

“So, dinner? Do you need help? I’m pretty handy in the kitchen,” she said, deftly trying to get the attention away from her perennially flushed face.

He shook his head. “No, I got it. The grill’s on and I have some fish waiting. We’re in the back patio next to the kitchen.” He smiled and said, “Okay, don’t freak out but I’m going in for a hug.”

He enveloped her in a tight (and very much platonic) embrace, making her feel comfortable all at once. “It’s great having you here, Tasha, really.” He turned and started walking out the door. “Dinner’s in half an hour. Don’t worry about changing, we’re very casual around here.” With a sly smile, he closed the door behind him.

She collapsed on the settee behind her. Good lord, she was going to be seeing that smile all weekend. How was she going to survive?

**********

JC was curiously watching Nick as he closed the door to the Marilyn room behind him, and bit into an apple.

“Was that Tasha?” he asked as he walked down the hall next to Nick.

He nodded. “Fresh from Baltimore.”

“She seemed nervous.”

“Really? I thought she was just jetlagged. It was a long trip.”

Nick made his way down the stairs to the kitchen, JC following close behind.

“Nah it was more nervous. Why is she nervous around you?”

Nick turned to his brother-in-law curiously as he reached the fridge. “She isn’t. It’s just a lot to take in, this place.” He opened the fridge door and ducked to pull out a couple of slabs of marinated sea bass.

“I think she’s nervous because she wants your bod. Are you two sleeping together?”

Surprised, Nick looked up from the chiller and hit his head against the freezer door. “Goddammit, C. What the hell.”

JC started laughing. “Relax, Carter. I was just teasing.” He sat down across from him on the marble countertop. “You do need to loosen up, bro. You’re starting to look your age, and that’s no good. I’m three years older than you and I still look like I’m in my twenties.”

Nick laughed out loud. “Who’s been feeding you those lines, C? You look so jetlagged, I swear no amount of botox is going to cure those eyebags.”

JC tossed the apple core to Nick’s head. “Jackass. I meant you need to start getting laid again, man.”

Nick ducked just in time. “Again with the sex, dude. I’m fine. You go work on your own sex life. I’m busy.” He walked out of the kitchen to the hot grill waiting for him on the patio.

“You’re not busy, you’re avoiding it.” JC grabbed a beer from the fridge and ran after Nick. “Having a life outside the Compound IS allowed, Nick.”

“Dude, seriously, you need to stop talking. Don’t piss me off.” Nick said as he placed the fish on the grill as well as some cut vegetables.

JC looked at him for a while, noticed the slump of his shoulders and shook his head. “Nick, it’s been two years. You need to move on.”

Nick pretended not to hear him.

“It doesn’t even have to be a relationship. Have a crazy affair, a one night stand. Heck, even a quickie in the broom closet next to the kitchen. Those closets are surprisingly roomy.”

Nick’s raised eyebrow belied the fact that he was trying not to listen.

JC sighed. “Okay, sorry, man. But I worry about you. My parents worry about you. The Boys worry about you.”

“I’m fine. I’m trying to be a good dad. And producing isn’t a cake walk you know.” He closed the grill and looked at JC. “I appreciate your concern, I really do, but I’m too busy to have crazy monkey sex in broom closets. Seriously. But if I do, you’ll be first to know.”

JC laughed. “Good lord, did I just sound like my father just then?” Opening another bottle of beer, he handed it off to Nick. “Let’s just goddamn drink, man. This maudlin talk is making me crazy.”

They clinked bottles and sat down, enjoying the silence, at least until Matty found them.

 

 

Chapter 6

Tasha smoothed the loose gypsy top she layered over her tank and tights and thanked the Lord for small favours, like showers and the iron in her closet.

She was going to be a few minutes late to dinner but at least she looked presentable.

She was just closing the door to her room when she spotted a small figure sitting by the child-proofed staircase.

And she guessed that was Matty, dressed in matching blue shirt and shorts, blue shoes and socks and, well, blue hands.

“Hi there.” Tasha approached the child slowly from the other side of the partition. “Whatcha doing?”

Matty looked up from playing blue playdough and saw an unfamiliar face, but instead of being afraid, he smiled brightly.

There was no doubt whose son he was now.

“Dow?” he asked, “Matty dow pancays?"

She loved baby talk. “Do you want to go downstairs, sweetie?”

“Yeah. An pancays.”

“You want pancakes? I don't know if your dad...”

He shook his head vehemently. “Daddy no pancays. Nooooo. I dow?”

She held out her hand and said, “I can bring you down but I can't say yes on the pancakes.”

“Okay. Dow okay.” He stood up, dropped his play dough and held both his hands up. “You caw?”

She laughed and carried him down the stairs to the kitchen. He was a talkative little...well, smurf. At some point during their descent to the kitchen, she was sure he was talking about an explosion in the kitchen and how his hair was burning. What an imagination.

Nick was running in from the patio when he saw the two of them.

“There you are.” He picked up his little boy from her hands. “I’m so sorry, Tasha, I was just on my way up to get him.”

“Oh it wasn’t a problem. I saw him playing by the stairs and he said he wanted to go down for pancakes? So I brought him down.” She smiled when Matty crinkled his nose. “He’s chatty, this one.”

Nick grinned. “Oh he’s only chatty with the ladies,” he announced with a wink to Tasha. “Aren’t you, buddy.”

Matty rubbed his eyes. “I pancays Daddy.”

“It’s dinnertime, Matty, pancakes are for breakfast. I’ll make some tomorrow, okay?”

Matty’s blue eyes widened comically. “No, Daddy, no! You no pancays!”

Nick gave his son a dry look. “I thank you for the wonderful endorsement of my cooking.”

Matty nodded as if understanding. “Wecom! I wuv you, no you pancays.”

“But who do you want making your pancakes then? Damon can’t cook.”

“Nooo Damon nooo. Bun haw,” Matty pulled on his own blonde curls. “Owie.”

“Oh Matty, he burned your hair one time making pancakes. One time.”

“No. Owie. No Damon pancays.”

“So who then?”

Matty’s eyes brightened. “Mickey? Yummy pancays.”

“Oh no, Mickey Mouse doesn’t cook pancakes, baby.”

“Unca C?”

“In a kitchen? Oh no way. Who else?”

“Mok?”

“Mike?” Matty was referring to one of the other security guys in the Compound. “Matty, he’s worse than Damon. Who else?”

His little blue pointer finger rested on his bottom lip, seemingly contemplative. “I unno, Daddy.” He looked around and saw Tasha’s amused face. He beamed. “Pancays?”

Nick groaned. “Tasha’s not here to cook for you, Matty. She’s our guest.”

Matty blinked his innocent blue eyes at Tasha and asked, “Pwetty, pancays Matty? I hug?” He then opened his arms to her.

Nick’s eyes widened. “Oh you little pimp. Who taught you that move?”

Tasha burst out laughing at the absurdity of it all.

“JC, you A-S-S, get in here! What have you been teaching my son?” Nick shouted as Tasha gladly picked up Matty for his offered hug.

“I would love to make you pancakes, little man. What’s your favourite?” Tasha cooed as she settled into Matty’s tight embrace. “I make really good chocolate chip ones. With Mickey Mouse ears. And a little nose like yours.”

At the mention of ears and noses, Matty pulled away and looked at her happily. “I wuv you,” he declared before hugging her again.

And this, in this moment, was perfection.

**********

Nick shook his head and laughed out loud with JC, who walked in just in time for Matty’s declaration of love over Mickey Mouse pancakes.

“That smile, that charm, is all you, Nick,” JC declared with a smirk. “I had nothing to do with it.”

Nick shook his head again and smiled wider. Moments like these were why he was happy to be a dad.

“...and Mickey an Minnie an Donawd an Daiwy,” he heard his son say. He better nip this in the bud before he asked for OTHER cartoon character pancakes as well.

“Tasha, you are wonderful for agreeing to do this but really, he’ll probably forget about pancakes in the morning.”

She shook her head. “No, it’s cool. I love making pancakes. And besides, I have to earn my keep somehow.”

Nick smiled. “Tasha, come on, you’re doing ME a favour by flying down here. Making you cook is not on the agenda.” Moving forward to take Matty off Tasha’s hands, he said, “Matty, did you say thank you to Tasha?”

The boy nodded and then shook his head. “Tan Tash.”

“You’re welcome, Matty.” Tasha brushed back some of the little boy’s curls as he settled into his Dad’s arms. “Oh boy, Nick, this little dude is lethal.”

“Oh wait until the party tomorrow. Nick got him a tux.” JC moved forward and smiled as he held out his hand to Tasha. “Hi, I don’t think we’ve met. I’m JC. I’m Nick’s brother-in-law.”

Tasha looked over and smiled automatically but faltered when she recognized him. “Nice to, um, hi.” Red suffused her cheeks and damn if she couldn’t help her blush. “Wow, is it hot in here or is it just me fangirling?”

JC grinned. “You’re adorable. Tasha, is it? Come here and give me a hug.”

Her eyes widened as she hugged the other man back. “Goodness, my sixteen-year-old self is happy as a clam.”

“I may just break out some ‘Tearin’ Up My Heart’ moves just for you,” JC teased.

“Oh please do.” Tasha laughed and gave him another hug.

“When you both are done fawning over each other,” Nick injected as he walked out to the patio with Matty. “Dinner’s ready. And Tasha, we can talk business while we eat.”

As Nick set Matty down, the little boy promptly pulled on Tasha’s arm and led her to sit right next to him on the table.

“So, Tash,” Nick looked up at her as he helped Matty onto his high chair. “Can I call you Tash?”

She nodded as JC filled her wine glass. “Thanks JC.”

“Are you ready for tomorrow night? Is there anything we can do to help you prep?” Nick asked as he grabbed Matty’s bowl and set it in front of him.

“I think I’m okay, I just need a run through and sound check before the show tomorrow so I’m good. You got my set list, right? I brought my backing tracks with me so I can get that cued before the show tomorrow.”

JC shook his head. “Oh you don’t need backing tracks, we have a band playing tomorrow and I’ll back you up on keys.” He leaned back on his chair. “Nick just showed me your set list, and it looks solid. Do you have time to go through it after dinner with me in Nick’s studio?”

She nodded. “Of course.”

“I was showing JC your videos before you came down and JC has some great ideas for arrangements for tomorrow. Hopefully you can both pull something together.” Nick smiled and passed the veggies to JC.

“So what should I expect exactly? How many people will be watching?”

 

“So the showcase is actually an industry mixer of sorts. A small one, about eighty or so people from the industry. Nothing too big.” Matty started pushing his food away so Nick redirected his attention. “Matty, come on, you need to eat.”

“No. I fih,” he declared, pushing the bowl of vegetables away. “Fih.”

“Don’t let the number fool you, though,” JC added. “This mixer brings together some pretty important music folks in the country. And then some. Who’s on the guest list tomorrow, Nicky?”

“Aside from my boys and yours?” He paused. “Pharell RSVP’d and so did Jay-Z. David Guetta is spinning for us before the show starts and I think a few of the New Kids are in town and dropping by. AJ mentioned Pink and Katy Perry coming as well. Oh and I invited some of my guys from Nashville, Keith Urban and Dan & Pat from the Black Keys.”

Tasha looked ready to pass out in shock. “I’m sorry, did you say SOME of the New Kids are coming?”

Nick raised an eyebrow while fighting a smile. “Really? Out of all those names, New Kids is what you get out of it? Really?”

Tasha laughed. “Did I forget to mention I’m a pretty hardcore boyband fanatic?” She paused. “Or I was. But meeting you both has got me regressing to my teen years. For shame.”

“Just because of that, we’re not telling you which of the New Kids are coming. You’re going to have to find out for yourself tomorrow.” JC crossed his arms. “And don’t bother trying to get it out of us. Nick and I are immune to gorgeous smiles. Right, Nick?”

“Speak for yourself,” Nick laughed. “Tasha, for that smile, you can ask me anything.”

And just when Nick thought she couldn’t blush anymore. She was so easy to tease.

“ANYWAY.” Tasha’s eyes flashed with annoyance as she downed her glass of wine. “Says the flummoxed young singer, trying to change the subject.”

Nick grinned. “Ah, breaking out the five dollar words, are we, Tash?”

“I think you made her uncomfortable, Carter.” JC smiled as he filled her glass with more wine. “Let’s talk about plans. Your future. This weekend. Nick?”

Nick stood up and waved to Damon, who was eating his dinner by the kitchen. “Thanks, C.” He carried his plate to the seat next to Tasha and sat down. “So I do have ulterior motives for bringing you down here.”

Tasha leaned back on her seat, curious. “Not just for the showcase?”

He shook his head. “The showcase was pure dumb luck. But I wanted to give you a taste of, well, life, really, if you signed with our label. And with me.”

Tasha’s face registered surprise, doubt and general bewilderment in a span of seconds. “Say that again?”

“Remember when I said that the showcase was an audition for you? For the label?” Nick smiled as she nodded. “Well this weekend is an audition for me too. I’m hoping before you leave Malibu, I can convince you to sign me on. As your manager.”

Her mouth dropped open. “You can’t….I’m sorry. What?”

“I’ve done some research on you while I was in Baltimore. You have phenomenal talent but you perform at Carlton lounge two weeks out of four. Those times you’re there, the lounge sees a spike in attendance and frankly, most of the bar revenue for the month they get when you’re on stage. You are charming, beautiful and own a sound that we haven’t heard before. You have a fantastic YouTube following but never went out of your way to audition for shows or accept any invites to tour with anyone. Why is that?”

She blinked. “I have a day job. I can’t tour because of that and I work at Carlton because it gives me extra income and still keep me working.” Then she shook her head. “And I used to tour with my old band before. It’s not all it’s cracked up to be.” She crossed her arms over her chest to gain some control over her growing excitement. “Why are you doing this? Why me?”

JC spoke up. “Because you’re the real deal. We’ve never seen a talent like you anywhere. Because you’re fresh and sound just like someone who can get millions of records sold in mere minutes. Frankly, if Nick hadn’t seen you first, I would’ve gotten you to sign with me so quick, your head will spin. And so would all of the industry people seeing you tomorrow.”

“We’re not saying it’s not going to be a lot of hard work and touring and promos but you’ll have the backing of my management company at your disposal as well as the label. You can quit your job, move to California and we’ll take care of everything. You don’t even have to worry about winning tomorrow. I can pretty much guarantee a record deal right here. All you need to worry about is making music and being amazing.” Nick sat back and tried to read the conflicting messages she was sending. She seemed excited but guarded. What was she thinking?

“Nick, that is a lot to take in. And a lot of promises. You’re not just pulling my leg, are you? Because saying I should sign you as my manager is one thing, but quitting my job and moving to California is a whole other BIG thing.” Her eyes narrowed. “And for all you know, I already have a manager.”

He shook his head. “This is a test, right?” he said, grinning. “I spoke to your manager at the lounge as well as Jason from your old band…Metal Gyros, was it?” JC almost choked on his sea bass. “They both said you’ve turned down representation multiple times because you said you didn’t intend to get any more gigs. But here I am offering you more gigs, more money, more exposure. So yes, you will need legitimate representation.” He shot her a confused look. “Do you want references?”

He could see the gears turning in her head and her hands shaking.

“No, I…” She took in a deep breath. “I know you managed Shawn Desman and Jenny Lewis until three years ago. I know you’re good. And dedicated. I just….”

Nick looked at JC and nodded. JC stood up, “I’ll leave you both to talk. Come on, playa, let’s join Damon inside.”

JC took Matty with him and then, it was just the two of them in the patio.

Nick moved closer to Tasha. “Talk to me, Tash.”

She bit her bottom lip and looked sideways at him. “How much research did you do? On me, I mean.”

“Enough to know you work in advertising for fuck-all pay and live in a boarding house in East Baltimore. And that you’ve lived in Baltimore for a year. Nobody seems to know where you’re from, originally. You went to Georgetown and got a Communications degree, but left to tour with the Gyros right after. I’m still trying to find out details in between, where you went off grid but I figure I can learn those details from you.”

She shook her head. “There’s a reason why I’ve been so private.”

Nick waited and watched as her eyes became guarded again, similar to the look she gave him when he talked to her in Baltimore.

“And you may not want me after you hear it.”

He covered her hand in his and stated firmly, “Nothing you say can make me change my mind.” He smiled. “But I’m here to listen. To anything you want to tell me.”

And then the silence seemed to stretch on for days.

 

Chapter 7

Tasha couldn’t put the words together if her life depended on it.

“Tash?” Nick peered at her downcast face. “Seriously, you’re freaking me out a little here. What kind of dealbreaker are we talking about? Between a scale of ‘schmuck ex-boyfriend’ and ‘meth dependency’. Give me a general idea.”

She knew he was trying to lighten the mood, but frankly she was embarrassed to be even admitting this to begin with.

“There’s a...video.” She looked over to him hesitantly. “A couple, actually.”

Nick looked confused. “What kind of video?”

Tasha started cracking her knuckles in nervousness. “I was...seeing someone when I was on tour with the Gyros and we were...we were being drunk and silly.”

Nick blinked. “Silly.”

“We taped some things for us, to remember each other for after the tour...”

His eyes were unreadable. “Are you talking about a sex tape?”

“Tapes.” Her face was deep red as she struggled to explain. “We had agreed to stop seeing each other when the tour ended but then I got a call from my father, two weeks before our last show, saying my mother wasn’t doing so well. We cancelled the rest of the tour so I could go home.”

He waited for her to continue.

“I broke it off before I left but there were words that were said. I never meant to hurt anyone. But it wasn’t going to work for us.”

“Why not?”

“She was married.”

“She?”

Tasha nodded. “She was our tour manager. Belinda. We’d been touring for two years and close quarters and all...” She gave him a sheepish smile. “I’m sure you remember how that felt.”

He nodded, seeming to understand exactly what she meant.

“A month after I broke it off, and the day of my mother’s funeral, the videos started showing up on the Internet. Belinda was angry and wanted to hurt me and my family. My dad, he’s in politics so in addition to bad timing, his career was taking a big hit.”

“Was that when you disappeared?”

She nodded. “I moved to Canada...Montreal almost immediately. I figured no one knew me there, while Dad took care of damage control.”

“And you never came back.”

She struggled not to start crying as she remembered her pleas to her father to let her come home, to help him grieve and deal with the loss of her mother. “Not until last year.”

“And in Montreal? What did you do?”

“Odd jobs here and there. Mainly studio work. I was a vocal sessionist for a few studios. Barista. I make a mean latte.”

Nick smiled. “You may have to prove that.”He straightened in his seat. “Why did you come back last year?”

“My dad, he’s…sick. And I’ve been taking care of him for the last year.” She stood up and paced. This story was harder to tell. “He has an advanced stage brain tumor. I found out a year ago, he’d known for a few years now. But we were lucky, he got into a clinical trial at Johns Hopkins where they need him to receive treatments while in residence for 18 months.” She wrung her fingers and dared to look at Nick. “Although the treatment itself is covered by my dad’s insurance, the day to day cost isn’t cheap. And I have no insurance. We’ve pretty much depleted whatever money I had in savings and had to sell the house.”

Nick nodded. “And you work yourself to the bone because you need to pay medical bills.”

“Pretty much.”

“How’s your dad now?”

She shrugged. “He’s there. The drugs are working, I think, to slow down the growth of the tumor. But certain parts of him are different. He’s not who he used to be. But I’m hoping the treatment will give us a few more years together.”

She took a deep breath and sat back down to her seat. “I’m surprised you haven’t started running away yet.”

“Over a few sex tapes and a sick parent? You oversold your secrets, Tash.” He raised an eyebrow questioningly. “Unless there’s more?”

She shook her head. “No, that’s everything.”

He moved his chair closer to her. “My turn then.”

Tasha braced herself for what he was going to say.

“First of all, I’m sorry to hear about your dad. It’s hard watching people you love suffer. I know I’m still trying to get past what my wife had to suffer after the accident and before she died. It’s not easy.” He took her hand. “I’ll do whatever I can to help. Really.”

Her eyes started shining with unshed tears.

“And the big bad sex tapes? You were worried about the sex tapes?”

She nodded.

He shook his head and laughed. “Baby, everyone has sex tapes now. Everyone. I think even me, but the Black and Blue tour was a blur so I can’t be entirely sure.”

She opened her mouth to protest. “I know what you’re about to say but it doesn’t matter who was in the tape with you. Married, single, man, woman, many women. Were there other women?” he asked as an afterthought.

She raised her eyebrow in mild annoyance.

“Right. Not important. Do you know if it’s still floating around on the Internet somewhere?”

She shook her head. “I’m not sure. The two sites that had them took them down when the governor’s office ordered an injunction.”

“Do you have a copy of the tapes?”

She blinked and hesitated. “Yes.”

“Does Belinda still have copies?”

“I know the physical copies she had were confiscated by Dad’s lawyers, as well as her laptop, where her digital copy was. But I don’t think that matters, if it was already on the Internet. I mean, those things stay there forever.”

Nick nodded. “What did your dad’s lawyers do to the copies and the laptop?”

“According to them, my dad burned everything one afternoon in our backyard. They were witnesses. I don’t know for sure because I was already in Canada when they were able to track Belinda down.”

He nodded. “Where are your copies?”

“They’re in a safe deposit box in my bank in Baltimore.”

“And you never tried burning them, getting rid of them?”

She shook her head. “I did but the tapes were a good chunk of my band’s last few days on tour. I’m a bit sentimental and didn’t want to lose it.”

Nick smiled in understanding. “Okay. As long as it’s safe.” He hesitated at the next question. “There aren’t any more rogue...uh...girlfriends, are there?”

Tasha’s eyes widened as she realized what his real question was. “Oh. No. I’m not...Belinda was the only woman I dated. I was young and a bit, um, experimental.”

“Ah. Okay. Boyfriends then?”

“Not since Georgetown. Even then, they were pretty mild mannered. No one as crazy as Belinda.”

He took a few seconds to consider his next question. “Any history with drugs, alcohol?”

She shook her head. “No. Only the occasional drink. Never smoked, no drugs.”

Nick smiled. “Tash, you’re practically a nun. Sex tapes notwithstanding.”

He smiled in spite of her frown. “I think you’re overthinking this whole thing.”

“I don’t think you’re thinking about it enough,” she shot back, starting to get annoyed at how cavalier he was acting.

“Tash, I have one of the best PR teams in the business. This is nothing. You should see what kind of spinning we had to do when I was managing Jenny Lewis. I almost didn’t want to touch that with a 100 foot pole. But she was the darling of the indie set after we were done with her.”

She was curious. “What was the scandal?”

He shook a finger at her. “Nuh uh. I wouldn’t be a good former manager if I told you, now would I? My point is, if I were your manager, nobody would even know about the tapes. Because we’d keep the issue sealed so tightly shut, not even the FBI would find it.”

“But if you were my manager, if those tapes came out, your reputation would be affected as well as mine. I don’t want that.”

Nick blinked in surprise. “This is what you’re worried about? My reputation? Tash, honestly, I haven’t had a reputation to worry about in a while. Under the radar, remember? And besides, it’ll be MY job to worry about YOUR reputation, and not the other way around.”

She leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms over her chest. She was quiet for a few moments before standing up and pacing again. “You don’t have to do this, you know. Managing me means managing my life, my baggage.”

He stood up behind her and said quietly, “I’m not going anywhere, Tasha.”

She shook her head. “But if you change your mind…”

“I told you, nothing you say will make me change my mind. And I’m here for you. If we do this together, you need to start trusting that I’ll do everything it takes to make this work for you.”

“But my life, it’s complicated. And my dad...”

He moved to her quickly and gripped her arms. “Hey. Hey. Stop that.”

His face was calm and determined. “I haven’t known you for long, Tasha, but I know you’re dedicated, driven and freakin’ talented. You show as much passion for your music as you do for protecting your family. You deserve all the success we can offer you. A sex tape isn’t going to change that. You will NOT fail, because I won’t let you.” He seemed to steel himself as he said the next words. “I believe in you, Tasha.”

Tasha noticed a telltale cringe from one side of his face. She cracked a smile. She couldn’t help it. “That was the cheesiest----“

He fought against smiling back. “Shut up. I’m trying to give you a pep talk.”

“Did you just ‘Ryan Gosling’ me?” she whispered, unable to hold back giggles.

He opened his mouth then closed it back again. Nick shrugged, giving in to the grin. “I don’t even know what that means.”

“You know, all sensitive dreamy RomCom male lead, happy ending in the third act kind of dialogue.”

“I need to work on my delivery.” He laughed. “It was the cringe, wasn’t it? You saw the cringe.”

“It was hard to miss,” she said, her smile growing wider. “But you sounded sincere. Bonus Gosling points for that.”

“You’re too generous.” He flung open his arms. “Okay. Bring it in. We’re hugging. It’s happening.” He pulled her into his arms and held her for a good minute, and tightly. “This family, we’re huggers, so you need to get used to this.”

She nodded against his chest, amazed at how quickly her smiles came when she was around him.

When they pulled away from each other, she asked “Why? Why me?”

He smiled. “That first night, at the lounge? I saw you and you were singing this song by Bob Dylan, and the lyrics were about love, and was so full of faith, so goddamn persistent…but you sang it with an underlying sadness, like you were grieving because you knew how this story was going to end. But you sang it anyway, because every line gave you just a bit more hope than the last.”

Tasha smiled. “That’s my Dad’s favourite song. I used to sing it to him all the time when I was little.”

He nodded, sadness clouding his eyes. “That was the first song I sang to my wife, on the night we met. Hearing it and hearing your grief made me feel…well, less alone. And the hope in your voice was just contagious. I came in that lounge ready to get rip roaring drunk, but I left with a smile. That was me every single day that week. And that’s when I knew you had something special, Tasha.”

He pulled on her hands and covered them with his. “I want to bottle that feeling up and give it to everyone who’s lost someone, to everyone who’s had their heart broken, to everyone in pain.” He smiled. “You’re made for this, Tash. You owe it to yourself.”

Everything he said sounded so right, so enticing. How can she say no?

“I have to think about all of this, Nick. I can’t just…”

Nick nodded and smiled. “I understand. Sleep on it. Talk to your people. And after what you just told me, I’m going to make a few changes to my proposed contract and give it to you to look at in the morning, okay?”

Tasha nodded. “Thanks for listening, Nick. I’m glad we talked.”

“I don’t know nearly enough, Tasha. But we’ll talk about the rest of it soon. In the meantime, let’s finish dinner so you and JC can get some studio time in. Okay?”

She nodded. “What’s on the agenda for tomorrow?”

“A full day, for sure. Make sure you’re up and ready by 8:30. Leigh Dorough, Howie’s wife, is in charge of the showcase so she’ll be sending wardrobe over very early, so you can choose what you’ll be wearing on stage. And to the photoshoot.”

Tasha blinked. “What photoshoot?”

“Yours. We need professional photos for all talent performing tomorrow. Assuming you don’t have any.”

“Oh my. All that for one show?”

“Not just a show, Tash. It’s the first day of the rest of your life.”

 

Chapter 8

After dinner, Nick excused himself to tuck Matty in for the night and make a few phone calls. JC led her to Nick’s private studio on the first floor of the house, just underneath JC’s floor.

So it turned out that the 2 floor beach house she was initially introduced to was actually a four-floor cliffside mansion that boasted a full on 3 bedroom suite for JC just below the main floor and a fully equipped recording studio on sea level (first floor) plus a massive rec room. JC explained that when Nick and Faith had renovated the property, they kept the first two original floors but enhanced it by adding the two cliffside floors below it, for extra space. The floor below was meant to be an in-law suite, for when their family visited, but since Faith’s death, JC decided to move in so he can be with his nephew.

“Nick’s studio is a bit of a shrine to my sister,” JC warned before opening the double doors to the studio. “Just a heads up.”

And it was. There were family photos on every wall surface of the room. And in each of them a beautiful blonde woman smiled brightly.

Tasha touched one of the photos next to the sound booth. “JC, she’s beautiful.”

JC smiled as he turned on various equipment. “Trust me, my mom waited until Faith was born to unleash all the Nordic genetics.” He pulled out a chair for her. “Sit, we have lots to talk about.”

She complied. “I had a quick question for you before we start.”

JC nodded, “Shoot.”

“When Nick said earlier that the showcase was dumb luck, what did he mean exactly? Am I not here for an audition?”

“Oh you are here for an audition. There will be four acts tomorrow, I’ve been working with the other three this past week. But because you were brought in last minute, it was lucky we could bring you down, and that you were available.”

“But the label will only sign one, right? One winner tomorrow?”

JC hesitated before answering. “That’s what everyone’s been told. And that’s what I’ve been asked to tell everyone.” He shrugged. “But in reality, all of you could come out with a record deal. Four of the Backstreet Boys have their own label, so one or all of them could sign you if they like you. Millennium Records is pretty much the big machine that takes care of publicity, distribution and song rights. The Boys’ individual labels take care of talent management and music production. So when Nick tells you that you’re in, he’s pretty much guaranteeing at the very least a contract with Kaotic, his label.”

“So what are we really fighting for tomorrow?”

“Pretty much a chance to put the full weight of Millennium in your next album and singles. They’re sponsoring the showcase tomorrow as well as all the prize money. If Kevin and the other Boys decide they like you, you’ll be hit with as much money as they can give you to make sure you’re the next big thing. And you can’t get that anywhere anymore.”

Tasha started cracking her knuckles when she realized how big this was. “Nick’s got a whole lot of faith in me, trusting me like this.”

JC smiled. “Well you can’t get nervous now! The work is just beginning!” He stood up and ushered her to the soundbooth and sat down on the piano bench. “How about we get started with your set list and work around that? Are you ready or do you need to warm up?”

Tasha nodded. “No, I’m ready. Let’s do this.”

For the next two hours, Tasha and JC worked on arranging and rearranging the three songs she’d be performing tomorrow night. Because Tasha had been working on her arrangements all week, she knew everything cold. JC didn’t think she was trying hard enough.

“AGAIN, Tasha. Open that note a little more, hold on to it for a few more beats.” He played the notes leading up to the bridge and stopped when she shook her head.

“I can’t…that’s a two octave transition, are you nuts?”

JC shook his head from his spot behind the piano across the room. “Not nuts. Professional pop music producer. Right here.” He grinned.

“JC, you’re lucky I can even do the transition at all. I need to breathe.”

“Baby, this is your finale. You need to make it spellbinding. That means you need to belt it. You can do it. One more time. From the beginning of the bridge. Let’s go.”

As soon as the notes started, she closed her eyes and breathed deeply.

If my body was on fire

You’d watch me burn down in flames

You said you loved me, you're a liar

'Cause you never, ever, ever did

She gasped the last word “baby” and clutched her stomach. “Jesus, JC.”

“JC, do you think you can give her a few beats before the second ‘ever’?” Nick’s voice came on the speakers, startling her and JC. They turned to the engineer booth just behind JC and saw Nick talking into the microphone.

“How long have you been there, Nick?” JC asked.

He looked at his watch. “A half hour maybe. You guys are doing great. But C, you’re killing Tasha’s pipes and it’s not even the showcase yet.”

JC stood up and put a finger up to Tasha. “Give us one minute, Tash. Take five. Have some of your tea.”

JC walked into the engineering booth and she saw the two of them talk with bowed heads. As she sipped her tea, she noticed JC shaking his head more times than Nick was nodding his. If this was a disagreement, she’d give anything to be a fly on THAT wall.

They didn’t even hear him come in. Had he really been listening in for the last half hour?

Her nervousness was back, she realized as she started absently biting her nails. For the last two hours, she was completely free and open with JC and now, after Nick walked in, it felt like she was back to feeling like a sixteen-year-old teenybopper again. Would it be possible that she was still self-conscious around him?

It was approximately eight minutes before both JC and Nick walked in the sound booth. Nick, dressed in only a black tank top and dark grey pajama bottoms, looked a lot more relaxed than JC.

“Sorry, Tash.” Nick smiled wanly. “I was just coming in to check in on you before bed and I was stuck on this song. I’m glad you’re choosing to perform Grenade tomorrow. Is there a reason why you’re performing it as a pop-jazz ballad instead of the original harder edge arrangement?”

JC spoke up. “I told you, it needed to work well with her two other songs. The original Bruno Mars arrangement was more…”

“Rocker soul?”

“I would describe it more as Pink meets Chaka Khan.” Tasha said.

JC nodded. “Nick wants to try the original arrangement with guitar so we can see if we can make it easier for you.”

Tasha agreed as Nick pulled up a stool and grabbed his guitar from the far wall. “Let’s do the short version. I’ll back you on the guitar but let’s change the key. Follow my lead, Tash. We’re channelling some of your Metal Gyros persona here.” He added with a smile. “Ready?”

As he started strumming, Tasha closed her eyes and tried to lose herself in the lyrics. It was a harder, heavier arrangement, but changing the key and having just guitar to back her up made it sound more raw, more emotional.

Because she was concentrating so hard, she missed a few of her lines and just before reaching the bridge, Nick asked her to stop.

“You’re overthinking this, Tasha.” Nick said. “How about we try this.” He stood up and walked over to where she was and stopped about two feet away from her microphone. “Look right at me while you sing. No closing your eyes, no looking down. Just straight at me.”

She tried not to let her panic show. “Uh. No blinking?”

He smiled slowly and it was as if her body melted into a puddle of teenybopper nerves. “You can blink. Once. I’ll even let two slide. Ready?”

Behind him, she saw JC’s mild annoyance turn into unmistakable interest at the turn of events.

As Nick played, she held his gaze, with difficulty at first. Soon enough, she started to sing almost from muscle memory.

It wasn’t hard staring at him while she sang. His eyes were so blue that she wanted to drown in them. She wondered as well how the hell he managed to stay awake this late at night and still so alert. Especially with a two year old boy.

She really needed to get over this weird infatuation with him. If she was going to let him manage her career, she needed to be able to have a conversation with him that didn’t involve her insides turning into mush after every second word.

Wait. Did she already make a decision? Did she really want this? A chance at achieving her dream? It felt so long ago that she wanted an actual career in music, a record deal, an actual opportunity to make it. And here it was, with Nick Carter handing her success on a silver platter.

It took her a minute to realize that he had actually stopped playing the guitar and that she was belting out the bridge like she was channelling every single emotion out of her exhausted body.

Her eyes widened as soon as the lyrics ended and pushed away from the microphone like it was possessed. “What the hell…”

Nick turned to JC. “Did you get that?”

JC nodded with a surprised look. “Jesus, bro, how did you know that was going to work?”

 Nick just shrugged and put his guitar back on its stand. “That sounded fantastic, Tash. We’ll unleash your inner rocker yet. I’ll leave you both for the night but don’t stay up too late, we all have an early start tomorrow.”

And just like that, he was gone.

Tasha still had no idea what just happened. She hadn’t been singing like that in years and all it took was for her to get out of her mind and let Nick take over her thoughts? Was that what it was?

“JC…”

JC was shaking his head laughing as he sat back down on the piano bench and made notes on some sheet music. “I know what you’re going to ask. And no, I don’t know what happened either but this jazz sound you have, that you came in with? I think the rocker chick in you just blew it out the water. We’re going to have to change the key of the other two songs, Tasha, and up the tempo a bit. Give me a minute. Do you… ”

She blinked and looked back at the door Nick exited from. As JC kept talking, Tasha touched the base of her throat and wondered what was it about him that made her sing like she hadn’t in years?

“Kevin calls him the song whisperer.” JC said, coming up next to her. “When they first started the company, everyone wanted to work with Nick, because he could make singers do things they didn’t think they could do themselves. He’s one of the best.”

“How does he do it?”

JC shrugged. “Nobody’s figured it out yet. Remember when Kelly Clarkson released ‘Since U Been Gone’ in 2005? That song was all Nick. The power, the voice, the anger. He helped unleash all of that. And Pink’s Whataya Want From Me, Justin’s Sexy Back? All Nick. His ear for music and his talent for producing hits made Millennium lots and lots of money. And Grammys.”

“It was almost like he got me out of my head and just feel.” Tasha ran her hands over her arms. “I still have goosebumps.”

JC smiled. “I know. You’ll get used to it. And that’s not necessarily a bad thing, right?”

“Is he…is he like this with all his artists?”

JC shook his head. “Only ones he feels passionate about. The last time that happened was when he was managing and producing Jenny Lewis. It was bananas. But he’s picky. And I haven’t seen him this focused on someone as he’s been with you, at least not since my sister died.” JC put an arm around Tasha and looked at her with seriousness. “I think you may just be the person to help him get back into the groove.”

Tasha didn’t know what to think of that last statement. As JC led her back to her microphone he said, “Come on, let’s get these changes done, with one run through and then you’ll need to get some rest. Oh, Nick and I were talking earlier too, how do you feel about being called ‘Tasha’, just ‘Tasha’, like Adele? I think it’s genius…”

Unintentionally, she tuned out JC and focused on the crazy feeling of butterflies coursing through her entire body. She was excited, she was really excited. She’d never felt this way about her voice, or music in general. After tonight, if what Nick had unleashed in her continued, she may actually get a shot at success.

And for the first time in 6 years, Tasha felt brave enough to take that chance.

---------

*Lyrics from “Grenade” by Bruno Mars

 

Chapter 9

    Nick woke with a start, sitting up so fast, his heart was beating a million miles a minute. As sweat rolled down his brow, he wiped it quickly with the back of a shaking hand. The images of crushed steel, rain and death still haunted his dreams and although he knew he should be used to it by now, his heart still ached at the memory of finding Faith amidst the twisted metal.

He closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead. What he’d give to stay in his room for the rest of his life, no outside world, no responsibilities, no meetings, no…

He stopped himself before he went down that slippery self-destructive slope. It had been two years without Faith but it was also two wonderful years of watching Matty grow before his eyes, walking, talking, charming the pants off everyone they met.

He wouldn’t trade those years for the world.

Nick took a deep breath and tried to calm himself down. Matty would be up soon and he needed to be ‘Fun Dad’ first.

He turned to the alarm clock by his bed and was surprised when it read 8 o’clock. Matty was normally up earlier than this. He usually heard him wake up as well, through the baby monitor.

For the second time that morning, his heart went into overdrive as he turned to the baby monitor and saw Matty’s crib empty.

Pulling up the pajama bottoms he abandoned during the night, he rushed to Matty’s room. “Matty?” He looked through every corner, through the bathroom and nothing.

Rushing out, he noted that the baby gate wasn’t even open so either Damon picked Matty up early or… “Matty! Damon! Where the fuck are you?”

Every other room on the floor was closed, even Tasha’s. Barefoot, he ran down the stairs and grabbed a cordless phone from its stand. Pushing 1 on speed dial for the security office, he was ready to rip someone a new one when he heard laughter coming from the kitchen.

Confused, and possibly still high on adrenalin, he walked over to the kitchen gingerly, and was greeted with squeals of baby laughter.

“Oh my, such a big nose for Mickey!” He heard Tasha’s laughter before he even saw her. “What about a mouth? He can’t talk without a mouth, Matty!”

Nick didn’t catch what Matty said but that was fine because he saw his son sitting comfortably by the kitchen table atop his booster seat. He exhaled the breath he didn’t even know he was holding and ran his fingers through his hair.

“Hey, Sleepy, you’ll be late for your eight thirty with Kevin and Mike,” Damon said from behind him, handing him his usual cup of black coffee. “Long night?”

Nick took a sip and slowly felt like himself again. “You have no idea.”

Matty turned at the sound of his father’s voice. Upon seeing Nick, he raised both his arms in excitement. “Daddy!”

Nick couldn’t help but smile at his son’s enthusiasm. Every morning, when Matty woke up, he never cried…at least not unless he was sick. He always woke up laughing. And Nick didn’t know what he did to deserve such a happy undemanding child.

“You snuck out of your room, baby.” Nick said with a laugh as he picked up Matty from his seat. “You had Daddy worried a little bit.”

“I pancays, Daddy! Tash and Mickey and ewws.”

“I see. Mickey with ears, eh? Are Mickey’s ears bigger than yours? Because yours are massive.”

“I ewws like you, Daddy. And stawbew nose!” With that, Matty squeezed Nick’s nose as if to make a point.

“Ow. My nose is real Matty, not strawberry.” He pulled on his son’s small nose. “Your nose is a strawberry.”

Matty giggled.

Nick turned to Tasha, who was watching their exchange with amusement. “Good morning, Tasha.”

She gave him a slow smile. “Morning. Sorry about kidnapping Matty. I heard him awake when I was coming down and thought we’d give you a chance to sleep in. I left you a note on your door.”

Nick shook his head. Of course she left a note on the door. In his panic, he didn’t even notice. “The door. Of course. I didn’t even check.”

Tasha stood up. “Pancakes? I saved Minnie for you.” She lifted a plate with a very close replica of a Minnie Mouse pancake on it. “Damon’s been eying it but I give a pretty good stink eye. I think he was scared.”

Damon snorted as he sat next to Tasha. “Scared of you, tiny thing? I was being a gentleman.” And he nodded to Nick. “And I’m pretty sure Mr. Health Nut over there isn’t going to touch that. I’ll just be biding my time.”

Nick sat across from Tasha with Matty on his lap and grabbed her offered plate. “Stay away from my pancakes, D. Clearly, it’s all mine.”

“Daddy get Minnie! I stwawbew?”

“Matty, look, I got you more strawberries!” Tasha said happily, trying to distract the little boy from finishing his father’s breakfast. “And blueberries!”

Matty promptly raised his arms in excitement over new fruit and let himself be moved from Nick’s lap to his booster seat.

Nick couldn’t help but laugh. “I see the favourites have changed overnight. Fruits first, daddy second.”

“I fruit monster!” Matty shouted. “Rawr!” He chose that moment to pop two blueberries in his mouth and chew triumphantly. “Bewwies in mah belly!”

Nick leaned back and shook his head as the rest of Matty’s audience laughed at his antics. Crazy kid.

“Oh, I almost forgot.” Tasha pushed a small jar in front of him. “Try the pancakes with this. I couldn’t find syrup so I made compote.”

Nick blinked in surprise. “You MADE compote? Today?” He glanced at the wall clock. “It’s only eight.”

“She was down here at six.” Damon volunteered with a nod. “With Matty. And made compote. And pancakes. And cleaned the kitchen spotless.”

“Ah ah. Don’t forget freshly squeezed orange juice.” Tasha grinned at Damon before turning to Nick. “There’s some in the fridge too, if you want.”

He couldn’t help it. His mouth dropped open. “How in the H-E-L-L did you do that? I couldn’t even get Matty to sit still for five minutes and you get him to behave for two hours? You must have some magic juju on you, Tash.”

A part of him enjoyed her blushing. “Oh Matty was well behaved. We were talking the whole time, weren’t we, Matty?”

Matty nodded and turned to his father, a serious look on his face. “Matty smart. Tash pretty. Pancays yummy.” His eyes widened with mischief. “In mah BELLY!” he shouted with glee in his monster voice.

Nick was still shaking his head and regarded Tasha with a grateful smile. “You are quite possibly the best houseguest we’ve ever had. I don’t think you should ever leave.”

“And you, Carter, are the worst dressed host in the history of the world,” a voice from behind him laughed. “Put some clothes on, will you?”

Leigh Dorough, Howie’s better half, walked in the kitchen, looking efficient, and frankly, ready to do battle. With her iPad in one arm and James in another, the brightness of her sundress belied the fact that she was a woman on a mission...and on a schedule.

She put down her three-year-old on the seat next to Matty. “Please tell me you’re not running on Backstreet time, Nick.”

Nick was smart enough to take a big bite of his pancake while shaking his head.

“Good because Kevin is on his way here with Mike and he’s always at least five minutes early. Better eat quick and shower. You have fifteen minutes.”

Nick was trying not to eat his food too fast and savour but sometimes Leigh inspired the fear of God in him so much that he just wanted to do what she said, no questions. He gestured to both women, hoping they understood that he was doing introductions in spite of the fact that he was soon going to choke on half a strawberry Minnie Mouse nose.

He was glad Leigh understood Nick-speak. Leigh turned to Tasha. “You must be Tasha. Hi, I’m Leigh,” she said, offering her hand. “You have no idea how excited I am to meet you. We’ve all been curious about this wonderful talent who’s got our Nicky inspired again.”

Tasha’s cheeks flushed pink for the second time that morning. Someone strike him dead if he didn’t think Tasha’s embarrassment was adorable. “Oh the pleasure is all mine, Leigh. Damon tells me you’re the one who actually runs the show around here. I’ve heard only good things.”

Matty shook his head at Nick as he downed his coffee to help keep the choking from happening. “Daddy, chew. Or tummy ache.”

“Damon never lies,” Leigh laughed. “So whatever he told you was true.”

Nick stood up quickly as soon as he was sure all his food went down his gullet. “I’m getting my show on the road. Tash, you’re in good hands with Leigh. I’ll see you at the photo shoot.” He dropped a quick kiss on Matty’s forehead, and turned to Leigh. “Be good. No crazy makeovers, okay? Tasha looks pretty perfect right now.”

“You have your job and I have mine, Nicky.” She pushed him away. “Fourteen minutes and counting. Go, ya bum.”

With a grin he ran off and took the quickest shower known to man. He made it to the main building, freshly changed into jeans and a t-shirt just as Kevin’s SUV was pulling into the driveway.

To anyone who remembered Kevin Richardson as a part of a boyband back in the day will see no trace of that in his demeanor now. He was all business, dressed in a dark suit and sunglasses. It didn’t matter that it was a sweltering Saturday morning in Malibu. He was always dressed like he was running the most successful record company in the world.

He was, after all, the CEO of Millennium Records.

“Morning, Kev. Where’s Mike?” Nick asked, closing the door to his office as soon as Kevin walked in.

Kevin motioned to the car. “He’s finishing up a phone call. We can start without him. I needed a word with you anyway. Can we chat for a few minutes?”

“Sure. About my note last night?” Nick asked as he sat down behind his desk.

“Yes.”

Nick leaned back on his seat and waited.

Kevin looked confused. “I didn’t understand your email. You want me to SIGN Tasha this morning? Before tonight’s competition? Isn’t that the whole purpose of the showcase? To find someone to sign?”

“No, I want to give you the option to sign Tasha first, before anyone else hears her sing.” Nick kept his expression guarded, his face not giving Kevin any clue as to where he was going with this proposal. “We both know our guys from Universal, Warner and Sony are going to be in attendance tonight. Our standing as the biggest fish among the big four will seriously be jeopardized if someone else signs her.”

Kevin shook his head. “Nick, come on. Tasha’s no Adele. I’ve seen her tapes, I’ve seen her on YouTube. She’s original, yes, but not so original as to inspire a musical revolution.” Kevin leaned forward. “And besides, have you seen Brian’s guy? A country music genius. At 15!” With that he shook his head. “So no deal.”

Nick nodded. “Are you absolutely positive? Because I haven’t even begun working with her. Her potential…” Nick shrugged. “As long as you’re sure.”

“What’s going on, Nick?” This whole conversation wasn’t feeling right to Kevin. “Why do I feel like you’re deliberately setting me up for something? It’s easier just to tell me, you know.”

He shrugged and grinned almost evilly. “Kev, nothing is going on. I just wanted to make sure the label got first dibs. I mean, really. We both know whoever wins tonight is going to change the industry. I’m just making sure you have the option to make the right decision. I am, after all, the best ear in the industry.”

Kevin laughed. “That’s cold, Nick. We both know insulting me AND bragging about your so-called ‘ear’ is not going to make me change my mind.”

There was an unmistakable twinkle in Nick’s eyes. “Kev, come on, we both know that your talent is business. MY talent is finding talent. Whoever Brian, Howie or AJ have,” Nick shook his head. “They don’t stand a chance.”

“Nick,” Kevin chose to tread lightly. “You’ve been out of the talent game for two years. Brian’s been picking up where you left off. And he’s gotten good. No offence, but if you’re not busy producing B-sides for lesser known artists, you’re busy watching Sesame Street with Matty. That doesn’t necessarily inspire trust in your ‘ear.’”

Nick hoped his poker face didn’t give his growing anger away. “How about a wager, then? If you’re right about Tasha and she doesn’t win tonight, you can forget about paying rent at the studios for a year. I’ll even throw in free accommodations at the Artist House.”

Kevin was always a sucker for free things. “And if you’re right?”

“If I’m right and Tasha wins tonight, you double the prize money and instead of a two album deal, I want three, including a nationwide tour for her first album release.”

Kevin was already shaking his head. “You know you’re going to lose, Nick. Don’t waste your potential income for the Compound by betting against me.”

“Do we have a deal?” Nick raised one of his eyebrows. “Don’t be chicken, Kev. Are you chicken?” He started making squawking noises, to Kevin’s obvious annoyance. This was too easy. Nick held out his hand.

“Okay, OKAY.” Kevin grudgingly shook the other man’s hand. “Deal. But Nick, you know I don’t make bets I can’t win. So enjoy not having income for the next year.”

Nick let Kevin enjoy this brief feeling of cockiness as Mike, the boys’ lead investigator, walked into the room. Like Damon, Mike was a giant at six foot five and was formerly the head of the Backstreet Boys’ security team. Now, he worked at the Compound as Nick’s co-head of security and the label’s lead investigator. They were meeting this morning to go over security requirements for tonight’s party as well as the dossier of guests who had special security requests.

Kevin was nothing if not hands on. This party was the biggest one they throw every year and he wasn’t leaving the details to chance. Not even the efficiency of Leigh Dorough offered comfort.

“Sorry I’m late.” Mike said as he dropped a sealed Manila envelope on Nick’s desk. “That’s the background check you requested, Nick. And that video you were looking for? It’s in there.”

Nick looked at the envelope with renewed interest. After his conversation with Tasha last night, he made a call to Mike and requested an expedited check and some forensic online research for Tasha’s “sex tape”. And Mike just pulled through in a big way.

He shouldn’t watch the video. He shouldn’t even want to. Tasha would hate him if he did.

But damn if he wasn’t dying to.

 

Chapter 10

“Two minutes, Tasha.” Leigh called out with a smile as she walked over to her backstage. “You okay? Can I get you something?”

Tasha’s hands were clammy and shaking in anticipation. But Leigh’s friendly smile calmed her nerves somewhat.

“An exit strategy?” Tasha suggested ruefully.

Leigh laughed and gave her new friend a tight hug. “You are gorgeous and a fabulous singer. You will blow them away, Tash.”

She was grateful for Leigh’s friendship, especially after the craziness that was earlier today.

After Nick left, Leigh whisked her away to wardrobe, hair and makeup to prepare for the photoshoot. It was there she met Leighanne, Brian’s wife and Rochelle, AJ’s on-again-off-again fiancée. Nick had apparently tasked the three of them to make sure Tasha was ready for her close up.

Leighanne, a designer, brought her newest line of pinup inspired vintage style clothing for Tasha to try on. She was in love with them immediately, especially because the dresses played nice with her generous curves. Rochelle, a makeup artist and hair genius, made Tasha look otherworldly with brand new blue and purple highlights and curled extensions. Leigh was delighted at her 70s-slash-punk-rock transformation.

And apparently so was Nick.

Okay, maybe ‘delighted’ wasn’t the right word to describe his reaction. According to Leigh, it was more ‘floored’.

Leigh explained that because Nick was keeping her a secret from the other competitors, he pulled in favours from all the Backstreet wives to have the photoshoot and soundcheck closed to anyone outside of people he knew and trusted. And because Nick had rarely asked any of them for favours, they were more than happy to help, even though their husbands/significant others had other talent performing on the same show.

“Nick is the only person who can make all of us come together against our husbands,” Leighanne had admitted with a laugh. “He knows we’re all dying to mother him.”

So when Tasha, Leigh, Leighanne and Ro showed up at the beach house where Nick and Kristen, their photographer (and incidentally, Kevin’s wife), were setting up for the photoshoot, Nick had taken one look at Tasha and dropped an expensive piece of camera equipment on his own foot. 

Kristen didn’t even bother getting annoyed with Nick for potentially breaking her equipment. Instead, she left him cursing to himself and gave Tasha a big hug. “You, my dear, are even more beautiful than Nick described.” With a wide grin to the rest of the women, she looked back at Tasha and said, “Welcome to the Backstreet family.”

And it was at that point Tasha fell in love with all four women. They were so welcoming, so positive, their energy so contagious, it was impossible to not have fun and feel like she’d been a part of their little posse for years.

Oh and Nick recovered quickly. Whatever Leigh saw in Nick’s eyes when they walked in promptly disappeared and instead, he fell back into his usual friendly and playful demeanor. With a slight limp from the fallen equipment of course.

Tasha went through a total of three wardrobe changes in a span of 2 hours, all of which Nick told her she can keep. Couture to take home? Someone pinch her now.

The rest of the day went pretty fast after that. After the girls left, Nick made her lunch so they could both talk about the contract that he had left for her to read this morning. Then it was off to rehearsals with JC and then soundcheck.

JC, the wonderful brilliant producer that he was, proposed a change in one of the songs she was to perform that night. Instead of performing three pop/rock covers, JC decided to replace one with a Mighty Mighty Bosstones song, “The Impression That I Get,” a ska infused rock record, which, even Tasha had to admit, was more her style. Its uptempo back beat and dance hall rhythm easily showcased her quirky personality.

And it was during the very private soundcheck, when she performed her whole set for the first time on a massive stage (and in a theatre she didn’t realize the compound had!) did she realize that she was ecstatic about performing music she actually loved in front of a crowd again. It didn’t matter that it was possibly the biggest stage she’d performed on in her life or that it was going to be in front of highly influential industry bigwigs. She was, for the first time in years, doing something she’d always dreamed of.

Her parents would be so proud.

Which brought her to this moment: two minutes before she was scheduled to go on, in front of a crowd of almost a hundred, most of them recognizable names in the music industry. And all of them with the power to make or break her career before it even started.

Oh she knew what she was up against. The three performers before her warmed the crowd up, got them excited. There was a buzz in the sea of people especially for the last act, a fifteen-year-old country music miracle who played guitar and the harmonica all at once.

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. Deep inside, she knew there was no competition. Nick assured her over lunch that no matter what happened, she was guaranteed a recording deal with his label Kaotic. And if what they agreed over salad held, he was now her partner in making her Grammy dreams a reality.

She felt Nick stand behind her before he even touched her. There was always a comforting feeling in the air when he was near and right now she was grateful for his quiet strength.

He ran his hands up and down her arms, his way of sharing her excitement. “You are gorgeous, you are phenomenal, you will knock ‘em all dead, Tash.” Putting an arm around her shoulders, he stood side by side with her and watched as the band and JC got the stage ready for her. “I almost feel bad for those who came before you.”

He surprised a smile out of her. “Don’t you dare jinx me before I go on, Nick.”

Nick scrunched up his nose and grinned. “You? Superstitious? For shame, Tash.” With that he dropped a kiss on her forehead and left her side.

At Leigh’s signal, Nick walked on stage.

“Most of you who know me know that it’s been a few years since I’ve been this excited about raw genuine talent. In just a moment, you’ll experience something so mindblowing, so unassumingly brilliant, I can guarantee you will be up off your seats and wondering what hit you. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you…Tasha.”

All the stage lights went out and the first upbeat guitar notes resonated throughout the room. As soon as the horns started playing, Tasha ran on stage and grabbed the microphone from the stand.

She stood there, with one hand on her hip and a teasing smile. She turned to Nick who was still on the side of the stage and gave him a wink.

And then she sang her heart out. All over the stage she went, jumping, dancing, rocking out to this wonderfully danceable melody. Pretty soon, everyone else was up off their seats, as Nick predicted, joining in on the fun. Most importantly, Tasha’s words rang clear and beautifully, her unique soulful sound giving this classic a whole new voice.

When she was done, everybody…EVERYBODY stood up and screamed for more.

“You are wonderful wonderful dancers, all of you,” Tasha pronounced with a grin as she walked up to JC and the grand piano in the middle of the stage. “How about a hand for JC Chasez on keys?”

JC stood up, waved and promptly grabbed Tasha’s hand to kiss the back of it. She waved him off in embarrassment.

“If you’d told me last week I’d be performing in front of people I’ve adored my whole life, I would’ve said you were crazy. But today, I stand here, with you, just about to sing one of my favourite Peter Gabriel songs, and he’s standing right there.” She waved at the older gentleman standing next to Kevin in the front row. In a stage whisper, she said again, “You guys. He’s right there.”

That elicited collective laughter throughout the seasoned industry crowd. “This is for you, Mr. Gabriel.”

JC’s hands flew on the piano keys and Tasha launched into an impassioned soulful version of ‘In Your Eyes’, showcasing the raw emotional depth her voice carried throughout the whole theatre.

She spotted her wonderful new friends Leighanne, Rochelle and Kristen off to the side of the stage as she ended the song and noticed they were wiping their eyes discreetly. She blew them a kiss just as she hit her last note and the lights went out on stage.

This was it. The last song. Tasha took her spot in the middle of the stage and placed her microphone on the stand. Her breathing controlled and her mind focused, she blocked out the continuing applause and waited for JC’s cue to start.

She was going to do it. She was going to prove to herself that last night wasn’t a fluke, that she could channel that rocker chick and belt the hell out of this song. She had to.

A lone spotlight shone on her as JC started playing the first few notes to ‘Grenade’. She cocked her head to the side and caught Nick’s gaze from the side of the stage and held it.

Before she knew it, her voice glided through the first verse, her eyes breaking from the hold of Nick’s gaze and promptly released all the pent up emotion the song called for. She then made contact with her audience. They were silent, as if they were waiting to see what was going to unfold.

They didn’t have to wait too long. By the time Tasha hit the high notes after the bridge, the whole theatre was once again on their feet, wild with applause and screaming.

And when Tasha hit her final high note at the end of the song and the lights went out on stage, the applause and screams were deafening. Her hand went to her throat in disbelief.

She did it.

******

She had a vague memory of bowing and walking off the stage straight into Nick’s arms. What she did remember was how tightly he held her, how, over and over he whispered that she was phenomenal, and how, in spite of the many congratulatory pats on the back and half hugs other people backstage offered her, neither of them let go of each other.

She was freaked out. She just got through her most important performance without messing up and she was just now understanding what this meant. But Nick didn’t let her get too far gone. With his hand caressing her back soothingly, he held her, kissed her temple and waited until she calmed down.

A part of her subconscious heard JC on stage, thanking all of the night’s performers and inviting the guest judges on stage to award the winner.

“Tash, baby, you need to start listening, they’re going to call your name soon.” Nick whispered in her ear, careful not to spook her.

She shook her head and kept it burrowed against Nick’s chest.

Leigh started pulling her off Nick. “Darlin’ we need to fix your make up. Rochelle is here, we need you to be ready to go back on stage.”

Tasha started breathing rapidly in panic. “Wha—one more…song?”

Leigh laughed as she led her to the side of the stage where Rochelle was waiting with a blotter, foundation and fresh mascara, eyeliner and lipstick. “No silly, to give you the award.”

Nick was right beside Tasha, with a hand on the small of her back, keeping an eye on what was happening on stage. The other performers were seated comfortably in the theatre seats, waiting for Kevin to announce the winner.

Rochelle made quick work of fixing Tasha’s make up and once she was done, she grabbed her friend’s (very cold) hand and waited for the announcement.

“…an amazing display of talent tonight and we are so glad to be a part of this privileged audience.” Kevin nodded to the other suits in the front row. “You all didn’t make it easy. But all of us saw one particular star shine tonight. I know you know who I’m talking about. Millennium Records would like to award $25,000 and a record deal to the winner of this showcase….” Drumroll. “Tasha!” Kevin turned to the side of the stage and saw a shell shocked Tasha, clutching Rochelle and Leigh’s hands in a death grip. “Come on out here, Tasha!”

Nick shook his head as he laughed, pulling Tasha with him to the centre of the stage and next to Kevin. Not even sure what was happening, Tasha let herself be pulled into a Kevin and Nick sandwich of a hug.

“I won?” she asked with a squeak to Nick.

“Yes you did, baby. Like I said you would.” He smiled, his eyes shining with confidence. “Next stop, the Grammys.”

Chapter 11

Nick walked leisurely, smiling ear to ear, from the Compound’s studios to the daycare centre in the main building to pick up Matty for lunch. He was in a fantastic mood because only minutes before, he wrapped up Billy Ames’ second album and that meant he can devote all his time to Tasha and finding that first single for her.

It had been five days since Tasha had flown back to Baltimore and he could still remember the childlike excitement on her face as she waved goodbye to him from the tarmac at LAX, wholly ecstatic at the plans they’d been making. She was scheduled to return to Malibu on Monday, three days from now, when they’d officially start the work of writing a Grammy-worthy record.

In the meantime, Nick needed to get all their ducks in a row, which meant meeting with his staff and coming up with a plan. JC had already signed up to produce Tasha’s first single, and after her success at the showcase, practically every single one of the musicians attending volunteered to help out with her first album. In fact, Nick had been dodging calls from Jay-Z’s people, because he’d been fishing for information on when her album was going to drop and if he can be a part of it.

Before Tasha left, they had a lengthy talk about what this could all mean to her. Nick was happy to hear that although he knew her first as a jazz singer, she said she’d always seen herself as a rock and roll performer, with a bit of old time blues thrown in for good measure. And she wanted to write. She’d written some songs for Metal Gyros but because their sound was much more hardcore than what she liked to write, she shelved them for when she went solo. Little did she know it was going to take six years for that dream to happen.

Nick made sure he made her promises. Especially after she signed him on as manager. He wanted to be sure that she knew he was just as invested in her future as she was. Outside of Matty, he was now responsible for another person’s success. That should have freaked him out, but her talent and her whole personality made him certain that even if every single one of his efforts failed, he was going to have fun trying.

The sound of his phone ringing interrupted his thoughts. “Yes Leigh?” He loved Leigh, his long-time right hand and online PR genius. She was all that to him until Howie decided to marry her and give her babies. Nick was lucky to get her working part time, if that. Lately, he even had to grovel to even get some of her valuable ideas. Lucky for him that Tasha was now officially a team project. Leigh was on board so quickly, he almost didn’t need to ask.

Nick looked at his watch. Leigh usually only called to check up on him and make sure he was on schedule. Today, there was nothing on his calendar except for a few calls later that afternoon with Kevin and the rest of the guys.

“Nick, you need to get to the conference room right now. Something big is going down.”

Nick picked up his pace. “Is it Matty?”

“Oh Matty’s fine. Howie’s at the beach house, having lunch with Matty and Jake. You, on the other hand need to deal with this. Now, Nick.” And with that, she cut the call, leaving Nick perplexed.

A second later, he received a text message from Tasha.

Is there something going on, Nick? My phone has been ringing off the hook for the past twenty minutes.

Nick typed quickly as he walked into his offices and tried to shove down the feeling of dread. It didn’t help that the words “Sex Tape” kept flashing in his mind like a neon sign.

Don’t answer any calls, just forward them directly to my office. Leigh is briefing me in a few. Hold on.

He rushed to the conference room and what greeted him resembled a war office. Multiple giant TVs were set up on the far wall. On the big meeting table sat five massive computer screens that seemed to be busily working through some online chatter and numbers.

Nick pointed to Leigh’s new PR intern. “Carson, is it?” He didn’t wait for the other man’s nod. “Go talk to reception. We’re expecting some calls forwarded from Tasha’s number. Have her direct it straight to the general voice mailbox. Under no circumstances will she answer any questions.” Carson blinked in surprise and didn’t move from his spot next to Leigh. “Now, kid. And run, for fuck’s sake.”

Carson jumped out of his chair like his ass was on fire and ran out the room. Leigh motioned Nick to stand next to her by the TVs.

“What’s going on?” He nodded to the two other guys in the room, both a part of the crack PR team that Leigh managed for him.

“We just got a delivery from the Ellen Show today. I think you need to see it.”

As she pressed play, an interview segment featuring Ellen Degeneres and Bruno Mars started playing on one of the big TVs. Confused, Nick turned to Leigh. She pointed to the screen. “Wait for it, it’s coming.”

“So Bruno, you and I were talking backstage earlier about the talented people who cover your songs. You found this clip on Youtube the other day. I saw it too, and it was amazing.”

“Yeah so my manager was telling me all about this video everyone online’s been talking about and it’s a cover of Grenade. Now, y’all know I love you all for covering my tunes but honestly Ellen, this woman was just…phenomenal.”

“I agree! Now we don’t know who she is, where she’s from, just that her name is Tasha. Tasha, if you’re watching, we want you on the show! In the meantime, just…oh just watch.”

They proceeded to play a thirty-second clip of Tasha’s performance of ‘Grenade’ from last weekend’s showcase, a video that looked like it was taken by someone in the audience that night. In spite of the shaky camera work, Tasha’s voice rang clear, powerful and she looked…well, she looked like a star.

“When did this air?” Nick asked, not taking his eyes off the screen. “And when did the package arrive? Carson!” He turned to the younger man who was trying to sneak back into the room. “Get Tasha on the phone right now. We need her on speaker phone.”

As Carson scrambled to do what Nick ordered, Leigh touched his arm. “They taped it yesterday and it’s supposed to air later today. Ellen releases some of her dailies to the press early and I’m guessing that’s why Tasha’s receiving those calls.”

Nick nodded. “And the package?”

“Half an hour ago.” Leigh nodded to one of the other guys in the other end of the room. “We don’t know who uploaded the video but the numbers are damn good.”

“Tell me.”

Leigh pressed another button and the video’s Youtube page was pulled up on screen. “The video went online Monday and as of today, it has almost two million hits. In four days, Nick. Once Ellen airs everywhere, it’ll at least double.”

Nick needed to sit down. This was moving faster than he ever thought it would. “Jesus,” he breathed as he ran his fingers through his hair.

Carson raised his hand. “I can’t seem to reach Tasha, sir.”

He waved him off. “Don’t bother. I think news like this needs to be delivered in person. Leigh, call Janie and have her book the plane for me to leave for Baltimore as soon as possible. And call the Ellen Show. Our rockstar will be ready for national TV next week.”

********

Tasha looked at her phone screen for the hundredth time that evening. She’d stopped texting Nick when he said he was on a plane and that he’d explain what was going on once he landed. Unfortunately for her, she had no clue where he was or where he was going. So her anxiousness over this whole “situation” increased by the hour.

It was a good thing work had kept her busy. She had, at Nick’s urging, quit her day job and given her notice at the lounge. Today was her last day at both so she tried to keep her thoughts to the task at hand: finishing her last set and finally getting a full night’s rest.

She was sitting at the bar, enjoying a sip from her mojito and chatting with a few of her regulars while waiting for the band to come back from their break. She’d been offered a few hugs and a lot of “we’ll miss you”s but they all knew she was ready for bigger and better things.

She felt like she still was coming down from the high of her weekend in Malibu: the new friends she’d made, the record deal, a new manager and most especially, an exhilarating stage performance. She couldn’t wait to tell her dad all about her weekend and the big plans Nick had for her. She definitely can’t wait to start living in California part time.

What she was uncertain about was how her dad would take the news about her moving away. That was the only part that gave her pause. Although his tumor made him seem less, well, sympathetic in general, she knew deep down he needed her at least to be in the same town. At the same time, this had been her dream since she was a little girl and singing in the kitchen with her mother. Her dad, or at least the dad she knew growing up, wouldn’t want her to miss an opportunity like this.

She’d already been unearthing the small pieces she wrote years ago. At some point earlier in the week as well, she’d made a trip to a pawn shop in DC where she’d sold her guitar, the same one given to her by her dad  for her college graduation and started brushing up on her guitar skills. Nick would be so surprised. At the fact that she knew guitar, not her chops. She needed to work on her chops.

“Will you come back and sing for us some time, Tasha?” someone next to her asked.

She shook off her thoughts and turned to her left. “Of course, you guys know I love it here.”

“Even when you’re a super famous Youtube sensation?”

Laughing, Tasha turned and then stilled is surprise. “Nick?” Was she dreaming? He looked like Nick, especially in the dark jacket and white dress shirt.

His slow grin made her insides melt. “How’s my rockstar?”

She stood up and went straight into his open arms. He pulled her tight and laughed when she slapped his arm as she pulled away.

“You weirdo. Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?” She was still in shock. “Who’s with you? Did you bring Matty?”

Nick turned and motioned for JC to come forward. He was standing by the door with a fascinated Matty, staring at all the lights by the stage.

“JC and I have news. Big news. So we had to come here in person.”

Tasha couldn’t help but smile. “Good news, I hope?” she asked as she took an excited Matty in her arms. “Hey buddy, I missed you!”

He planted multiple kisses on her face. “Tasha, I miss you too!” With that he gave her a big hug.

“What’s the news?”

Nick led her to her bar stool before sitting across from her. “We just found out someone posted your performance from last weekend on Youtube. And your cover of ‘Grenade’ just got close to 3 million hits, at least that’s what it was when I got off the plane half an hour ago.”

Tasha shook her head. “That can’t be true. No one gets three million hits on Youtube.”

JC grinned and put an arm around her shoulders. “You do, apparently, Ms. Youtube Sensation.”

Tasha paled. “You’re not kidding. Oh my god, Nick. What does this mean?”

“That’s not all.” Nick added, “As of this afternoon, your video has been one of the most talked about videos online. Ellen Degeneres loved it so much, she wants you to be on her show next week.”

“Holy…” she stopped herself from cursing just barely. “Are you kidding me?”

“We’re dead serious, baby.” Nick’s smile was so wide it was infectious. “You are the next big thing. And you’ll be taping Ellen on Monday. Are you ready?”

“No.” Tasha’s shock had risen to proportions she wasn’t prepared for. Thank goodness she was sitting down. “I mean, yes, but…how...what…oh my goodness, I’m shaking.”

Nick held her hand in his. “This is going to start moving very fast, Tasha, and that’s why JC and I are here. We want to make sure you get to enjoy this ride as much as you can.”

JC nodded. “We’ll need you back in Malibu tomorrow so we could rehearse and maybe work on some vocal techniques. Also, from what Leigh tells me, they’re trying to get Bruno Mars do back up keys for you so this is HUGE.”

Tasha gave JC a look. “You’re not helping my nervousness one bit, Chasez.”

“Tash, Tash,” Matty’s hand went on her face to get her attention. “I wode on pane. Go woosh!”

Tasha looked at Matty in fascination. “That is so awesome, Matty. Did you meet the pilot?”

He nodded seriously. “I fwy. Matty fwy plane! I wings?”

Nick explained, “We used the corporate plane to get here. Matty got to ride shotgun with the pilot for a bit so it was a big day.” As he pulled Matty off of Tasha, he asked, “Are you done for the evening? If you are, maybe we can go celebrate?”

She shook her head. “I wish. I have one more set, but I’m all yours after.” She looked up and saw her band taking their places back on stage. “Stick around, you guys. I’m changing this one up a bit.”

Tasha walked up on stage and talked to her band leader, letting him know about the changes she wanted for the next few songs of her set.

As soon as she went to the microphone, there was noticeable quiet over the room. “So these next few songs are going to make me feel especially melancholy, especially since it’s my last night here at the lounge.” A few loud boos sounded from the audience. “Now, now. I’ll be back. But in the meantime, I’d like to say thank you to all of you for making my year here wonderful. Here’s a sneak peek of my new sound, coming to the Ellen Show next week.”

She launched into her very emotional rendition of ‘Grenade’ mashed up with a bit of ‘In Your Eyes’ from the showcase mixed in. She then did a few rock covers, including some Coldplay, the Killers and Black Keys. Definitely not the sound everyone in this room had been used to from her, but a welcome change nonetheless.

At the end of the set, everyone was either standing up clapping or cheering loudly. Tasha looked over to where Nick and JC were standing and beamed an excited smile. Never in the last week had she felt more confident and sure of her decision to follow her dreams. Her dad would understand. She knew he would.

*******

“How dare you make this decision without consulting me!” her dad screamed from a few feet away, as he struggled to get up from his wheelchair.

Tasha sighed. She expected screaming, just not this loud on a Saturday morning, especially not in the public game room of the long term wing of the hospital.

She stood up and walked over to him. “Dad, please, calm down.” She held onto his arm while he tried to stand by himself. “I’m sorry I didn’t get to tell you sooner, but this is a good thing. I have a manager and a record deal and we can finally pay off our medical bills…”

He turned sharply to her. “I didn’t mean to be such a burden to you, Natasha. You know you can always come and go as you wish. I don’t even know why you didn’t just let me die at home.”

Tears quickly pooled in her eyes. Every time she was with her dad, it was heartbreaking for her to see how much that loving personality changed because of the tumor and the treatment. His doctors said a change in personality was common but the degree of the change was different for everyone. Unfortunately for her, this seemed like a definite 180 degree change, all within a span of a year.

She remembered when she returned home twelve months ago after being informed of her father’s illness, he greeted her with an apologetic smile and vowed that he would fight this for her. And as the tumor advanced, there were more headaches and mood changes. Once they got into the Johns Hopkins program, his personality had pretty much changed into that of an evil twin.

“Dad, come on, how about some breakfast? I brought you the croissants you liked,” she pulled on his hand gently, leading him to the dining table a few steps away. “And coffee. I think we could all use some coffee this early in the morning.”

He pulled his hand away from hers. “I want you to leave.”

Tasha’s tears became a real thing at that point, but she was quick to brush them away. “Dad, come on. You don’t mean that.”

“I DON’T NEED YOU HERE,” he growled, pushing her forcibly, “Go whore off in California, I don’t want to see you again.”

“I’m not…” she stopped herself from screaming in response. “Dad, I don’t want to leave here with you angry at me. I just want to make things happen for us. This is a good thing. I’m going to be on TV next week, you can see me. It’s going to be wonderful.”

He sneered, “With or without your clothes on?”

Tasha flinched at that comment. It had been six years but she was still smarting from the sex tape scandal that her father had to cover up. And although she knew the real Jeffrey Callaghan had forgiven her years ago, this version of him still harbored harsh words and an unforgiving look in his eyes.

“I don’t deserve that,” Tasha said quietly, standing right in front of him. “You know deep down I don’t.”

The anger was still there, no matter how calmly she responded to his threats. “You’ll always be an embarrassment to this family, don’t you forget that. It doesn’t matter what you do in front of a camera or behind it. You’re still the slut who took her clothes off for the world.”

Tasha straightened her back and stood taller. “I’m also the same slut who’s still your only flesh and blood.”

Her dad’s eyes narrowed and fuelled with fire quickly. She saw his hand go up and she steeled herself for a slap in the face. It was his new thing. If he was angry enough, he would lay a hand on her. For the most part, she avoided it, but today, she really didn’t have the energy to sidestep it. Let it come, if it made him feel marginally better. She just needed to remember this wasn’t the real him, it was the tumor talking.

To her surprise, a strong arm stopped her dad’s hand before it connected with her cheek.

“No,” a familiar low voice said from beside her. “Move back, old man. You will not lay a hand on her. Ever.”

Nick Carter’s anger was a sight to behold. His eyes darkened, his breathing shallow and controlled, as if he was trying to keep himself from committing murder himself. He pulled her behind his protective stance.

Her dad pulled his hand away from Nick’s grip. “Who the hell are you and what are you doing here? This is a private conversation between me and my daughter!”

“I’m her manager and friend, and right now, I’m here to protect her against you. I said move back, old man. Don’t make me hurt you like you were about to hurt her.” Nick’s voice was low and unmistakeably seething.

This was getting too ridiculous. Tasha pulled herself away from behind Nick and stood between the two men. “Both of you, stop it. I can’t handle two alpha males before my morning coffee.”

“Jesus, Tasha, just stay back, I’m handling this.”

Tasha gave Nick a hard look. “You are not HANDLING anything. This is MY father. I will handle this. Wait for me outside, I’ll deal with you later.” She turned and looked at her father. “And Dad, don’t make me drag the nurses in here. Sit down and have your breakfast.” He opened his mouth to retort but she gave him the same death stare she gave Nick. “I said sit down and eat. Now, Dad.”

With a grumble, her dad sat on one of the dining chairs. She turned around and saw Nick still standing there, hands on his hips, with a frown. “Nick, please, just wait for me outside the room. I’ll be out in a few minutes.”

“But…”

“I mean it, Nick. This isn’t a situation I need saving from. Just go.”

He hesitated for a few seconds before turning away.

Tasha watched him walk out the rec room and into the adjoining reception area. What was he doing here in the hospital to begin with? He was supposed to be meeting her at the airport in two hours, not stalking her at the hospital while she visited with her dad.

“This croissant is hard,” she heard her father complain behind her. “And the coffee cold. Can’t you get anything right?”

She ignored him and picked up her mobile. She dialled her father’s doctor and the head of the treatment program, Dr. McCullough, who was thankfully on call at the hospital this morning. “Doctor M, it’s Tasha. I’m at the dining room with Dad, can you come by when you have a minute? He’s showing some, uh, unusual behaviour again, I thought maybe you can do a quick check up? Great. I’ll see you in a bit.”

As she pocketed her phone, she turned to her father, who was looking quite content having some coffee and croissants, despite his earlier complaints. She sat next to him on the table and reached out to brush some of his hair off his face.

“How is it?” she asked.

He shrugged. “Not bad. I still like the ones we got in that patisserie in Paris, remember that?” He looked up at her with a glimmer of nostalgia and smiled. “You were fifteen, I think.”

Her right hand flew to her chest as she saw her father’s eyes soften at the memory. She hadn’t seen him smile very often in the past year but when she had, it was almost a heartbreaking thing, because she knew it was temporary.

“It was a good trip. Mom loved it.”

He looked away and focused on his meal. “Next time, bring something more substantial. Like some bacon and eggs. And heat it up, for Christ sake.”

She nodded. “Yes Dad.” When she spotted one of his nurses enter the rec room with another patient, Tasha waved them over. “Dad, I’m going to get one of the nurses join you for a few minutes, okay? I’ll be back.”

Again, he grunted, seemingly not caring whether she was there or not. She muffled a sigh as she stood up and walked to the next room.

As expected, Nick was wearing a thin path across the carpet with his worried pacing.  He looked up once the doors opened and crossed his arms over his chest.

He was still angry but looked more concerned when he saw her.

“You okay?” he asked, walking up to her hesitantly.

“I’m fine. What are you doing here, Nick? I thought we were meeting at the airport in two hours.”

“I thought I’d surprise you,” he answered, running his fingers through his hair. “You were talking last night about your dad not having a big enough TV in his room so I thought I’d bring one and install it as a surprise. So he can see you on Ellen next week. But I saw you from here, he was about to hit you, Tasha.”

She shook her head. “It’s not what you think, it’s the tumor. It’s made him…unstable.”

“And you were just going to take it? Tasha, come on. Nobody deserves that.”

“He wasn’t always like this, Nick. He loved me. He still does. But the tumor is eating away at a part of his brain that affects his personality. Whatever he says, it’s not him talking, it’s the tumor.” She gave him a small smile. “But thank you for trying to come in and rescuing me, but you really didn’t need to.”

“Jesus, Tasha.” Nick sighed heavily. “I’m sorry. I can’t even imagine what…”

She shook her head and touched his arm. “Don’t. I told you. Everything with my dad is complicated.”

“You should’ve told me…we should’ve talked about this…”

She raised her hand to stop him from talking further. “Nick. Stop it. I told you what I told you. There’s more to this story but I’ll tell you in my own time.”

Nick looked into her eyes as if he was trying to figure her out. “I just don’t want you to get hurt.”

She smiled sadly and touched his face. “I won’t be. Thank you for trying to be my hero but this battle I have to fight on my own. I hope you understand.”

Nick nodded slightly and turned his face into her hand. He touched her fingers and kissed her palm lightly. The shock of his lips connecting with her skin sent a sensation so acute, she pulled away in surprise.

Thankfully, he didn’t notice. “Do you want me to stay?”

Tasha looked away and shook her head. “No, it’s okay. I’ll meet you at the airport. I’ll be here for a while.”

He lifted her chin with his finger to force eye contact. “You know we’re going to have to talk about this, right?”

“Soon.”

With a serious look, he nodded and walked away.

As Tasha watched him get into the elevator, she realized that the tingling feeling in her hand was still there. All from when Nick’s lips touched her skin.

 

Chapter 12

It was a sweltering late Sunday afternoon in Malibu when Tasha decided to calm her nerves by doing yoga with Lenny Kravitz blaring in the background. Thank goodness her suite had an ample sized balcony overlooking the ocean.

She never liked the “calming” meditative music her yogi in Montreal played during their classes. Loud and dirty guitar riffs got Tasha in the zone and often helped her focus much better on her breathing, and subsequently, her poses. And thankfully, occupying her subconscious like that helped her forget the recent onslaught of oddly graphic sexual images of Nick in her head. Damn him and his liberal hugs policy.

The last day and a half since she’d been back in California had been spent in the studio with JC. Not that he wasn’t good company. On the contrary, he was charming, patient, unapologetically generous with his dirty jokes and was easy to talk to. She learned more about music theory from him in a day and a half than she did while touring with her Metal Gyros bandmates (who were all music majors) for two years.

One very noticeable detail missing from the last day and a half was Nick’s presence. According to JC, he was busy planning for the next few months, juggling booking requests as a result of her Youtube notoriety. Once they arrived at the Compound, Nick helped her get settled in her suite in the Artist House, her new home until she moved to California permanently, and then promptly disappeared.

Tasha closed her eyes and breathed deeply as she moved from plank position to a dolphin pose.

Rehearsals were going well for the Ellen Show and even JC said she could rock the song in her sleep. Their next mission was to find her a legitimately good first single. Earlier that day, she played a few lines of her own music for JC while on guitar and they talked quite a bit about where she wanted her music to go.

“Seriously, JC, cookie cutter prefab isn’t for me. I want to have my own sound and not have people constantly comparing me to Adele or Pink or...”

JC laughed. “Come on, your sound is way hotter than Adele’s or Pink’s. We should aim for something different.”

“But how do we do that? I have an idea of the kind of sound I want but I can’t verbalize it until I hear the right music or write the right song.”

JC nodded  thoughtfully. “Nick and I were talking about that, actually. How do you feel about doing small club gigs for the next little while, just to get your feet wet and maybe experiment with some different sounds?”

Her smile was slow but heartfelt. “That’s a brilliant idea! That way, I can sing as many different ways as I want and figure out what feels right.”

“At the same time, we can just jam together using pieces of your music and maybe create new tunes and see where this goes. How does that sound?”

It was refreshing to talk to someone so in tune with her thoughts that she couldn’t help but give JC a hug. “How is it that no woman’s snatched you up for your brilliance and sensitivity? I think I love you.”

He laughed out loud and returned the hug tightly. “Clearly I was waiting for you.”

Tasha was grateful for JC’s easy company. He wasn’t kidding when he said both him and Nick wanted her transition to a world famous rockstar to be as painless as possible. As she moved into a supported headstand, she breathed in and reminded herself that she wouldn’t even be here in California if it weren’t for JC. And of course, Nick.

Nick Carter, with his irresistible charm, his comforting hugs and his quiet confidence in her, in her talent. He had an answer for any of her crazy questions, and a kiss for every single one of Matty’s booboos. He had an unlimited supply of positive energy, always on the go, always with his hand in different areas of her career, and it hadn’t even started.

He was quick to protect her against harm…her father, case in point. In the same breath, he was quick to sympathize with the pain of having a loved one sick and not quite their usual self. He was free with his affection and his teasing all the same, each random touch sending her already burgeoning infatuation into a whole other level of lustful fantasy.

She was almost thirty years old, for crying out loud. And he was her manager, therefore off limits. Right?

Even as she repeated those phrases over and over like a mantra, she still ended up with steamy daydreams involving Nick and the massive bed in the Marilyn room, both of them naked and touching each other…EVERYWHERE.

In her imagination, he would come to her in the dark, his gaze intent, wearing nothing but a smile and his pajama bottoms. He would pull the covers off her and crawl to her slowly, his blue eyes bright with obvious devilish intentions. He would kiss her, hard, as his hand explored the skin underneath her lacy top.

It didn’t really matter that she hated wearing lace. In her dreams, she was freakin’ rocking a see-through top and Nick was loving it.

Where was she?

Oh, yeah. So as his hands travelled up her torso, hers would touch his broad chest, at first tentatively then a little more boldly. He would keep her mouth busy by nipping her lower lip lightly as his hands found the swell of her breasts and cup them gently. While she opened her mouth to his, his tongue…

“Seriously, you’ve been upside down for a good five minutes, Tash, your face is turning red,” a voice outside her thoughts said with laughter.

Tasha’s thoughts took a dive, and so did the rest of her body. “Yaaaahhh!” she screamed as she landed on her back quite ungracefully.

“Oh shit,” the familiar voice said in a panic as it came closer, “Are you alright? Did you break anything?” She felt a warm hand on her waist and another on the back of her head.

Slowly she opened her eyes, embarrassed partly because of the fall and mostly because of the direction her thoughts had taken.

“JC, you psychopath,” she breathed as she tried to ignore the pain in every single cell of her body. “You don’t talk to anyone who’s meditating upside down, did you want to kill me?” She smacked his arm HARD.

He smiled and winked when he realized she was okay. “What? You’re fine. Walk it off, sunshine.” He stood and offered his hand to help her up.

Tasha looked up at him and his evil smile and shook her head. “What if I have a concussion? Or a broken rib? Oh my god, what if my spine broke and punctured my lungs?”

JC laughed and grabbed both her hands to pull her up. “You are such a brat. And seriously bad at anatomy. If you can talk and breathe, you’re fine. Come on, get up.” He pulled her to her feet and brushed the dust off her top and her hair. “What were you thinking, doing yoga in this heat anyway? I swear I could hear Lenny Kravitz all the way from the beach house.”

Tasha shook her head, freeing her dark hair from the haphazard ponytail that had started to come loose as soon as she stood up. She felt a little lightheaded from being inverted for so long but it should pass soon. “Sorry, I wanted to get rid of the nerves. For tomorrow. Yoga usually helps.”

“You know what usually helps for me? Beer. Or wine. Which Nick and I have a bunch of at the house. Come over for some dinner. Nick just fired up the big grill. And the girls are there, they’ve been looking for you.”

Tasha’s eyes widened in excitement. “All of them?”

He nodded and pulled on her hand. “And the guys too. They heard you were back and wanted to throw a good ole’ fashioned Backstreet barbeque. Come on and get changed.”

All her anxiousness at tomorrow quickly dissipated at the thought of seeing her friends again. She dropped a quick kiss on JC’s cheek as a thank you and rushed to the bathroom. “Wait for me! I’ll be ready in five minutes! Oh my god, what am I going to wear?”

As Tasha rushed to the bathroom that doubled as a massive closet, she showered quickly, scrubbed her face clean and put on shorts and a simple backless purple shirt over her red bikini top. Grabbing her sunscreen and flipflops, she ran out the door and saw JC calmly seated on her bed, checking his phone messages.

He looked up at her in surprise. “I didn’t think you really meant five minutes.”

“I don’t like to keep people waiting. Would you mind putting sunscreen on my back?”

JC blinked as he looked at the bottle she held in his direction and then to her bare back. “Uh, sure.”

She smiled at him. “Thank you, you’re my hero,” she said as she clipped her hair in a lazy ponytail. As he lathered sunscreen on her back, she peered over to the mirror next to them and made sure she looked at least presentable. “No make up is okay, right? I mean, it’s not a dressy thing, is it?”

“All the girls are in shorts and shirts. You’re good.”

She relaxed a bit. “Thanks, JC. I promise, next time I won’t sound so neurotic.”

She could hear the smile in his voice. “Believe me, neurotic is the last word I would use to describe you.” Tasha heard the cap from the sunscreen click shut. “Okay, back’s all done. Can we go now?”

They walked over to the beach house talking about tomorrow’s schedule. The Ellen taping was at 2 PM but their call time was at noon, for soundcheck and a quick run through. Afterwards, Nick booked some time with her to meet with Leigh to do some media training. It was a full day for sure, Nick didn’t believe in wasting time.

It turned out that the party was being held close to the beach, at the first level deck, next to the rec room. As soon as Leigh, Rochelle and Leighanne saw her walk over with JC, they descended on her like they hadn’t seen each other in years.

Hugs were freely given, as well as compliments on each other’s hair and outfits. JC decided to walk away when he saw AJ raise a bottle of expensive Jack Daniels in his direction from beside the grill.

“Congratulations on the Ellen Show, love,” Leighanne gushed, “I wish we could all be there for moral support, but we know you’ll kick ass.”

Tasha smiled. “I hope so! I’m wearing some of your couture though, we’re going bohemian tomorrow so at least something’s going right.”

Leigh scoffed. “Pshaw, Tash. I heard you rehearsing with JC yesterday. You got this.”

Rochelle handed her a shot glass. “In the meantime, let’s celebrate the start of something freakin’ awesome. To Tasha!”

Just as she was about to down the shot, Tasha felt a hand on the small of her back. “Hang on, ladies. No shooters til our rockstar tries some of my Malaysian spiced burgers.”

Shivers went through Tasha’s spine when she recognized Nick’s low voice right next to her. She turned and saw his smile. “Hey stranger,” he greeted, squeezing her waist. “Hungry?”

Tasha swallowed but managed a flippant grin. “Starving.”

Nick held up a plate filled with delicious smelling burgers in fresh buns. “Come on, try one. I made it myself.”

She hesitated. She wasn’t sure if Nick had noticed she was vegetarian but as much as she wanted to try this wonderful smelling dish, she was afraid of what her stomach may decide to do if she even attempted.

“I don’t think I can, Nick. I’m vegetarian, sorry.”

Nick laughed. “Now what kind of manager would I be if I didn’t know the small details? This is a lentil burger, made with just a little added tofu and Malaysian spices. Come on, try it. I made it for you. And it’s extra spicy, just the way you like it.”

Surprised, Tasha turned to Leigh, who, after emitting the most unladylike snort, looked quite fascinated by this turn of events. “Why, Nickolas, this newfound sensitivity is surprising. What’s MY favorite food?”

Nick gave her a sweet smile. “Whatever Jake doesn’t finish, babe.” He handed Tasha a smaller burger. “Come on, just one small one. I SLAVED away on this all afternoon. Tell her, Brian.”

Surprised at the mention of his name, Brian turned to Nick and Tasha from behind them both and blinked. “If I were you, Tash, I won’t believe anything that comes out of Nick’s mouth. I, on the other hand, will never lie to you when I say you look gorgeous tonight.”

Tasha beamed under his praise and gave him a hug. “I knew there was a reason you were my favorite Backstreet Boy.”

Nick rolled his eyes heavenward. “Really? Really, Rok? Stealing my thunder NOW? Put down my whiskey.”

“Hey, boy, not my fault your Backstreet charm got left behind in the 90s.” He turned to Tasha. “The only person who slaved away over those burgers was me. Charm Boy here thought lentils were purple.”

Nick’s eyes narrowed in feigned irritation. “Oh you are dead, old man.”

With a grin, Brian barely squeezed out a ‘see ya’ before Nick started chasing him down the deck and onto the beach.

Tasha laughed as she took a bite out of the veggie burger. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed her friends look at each other knowingly.

“What? What did I miss?”

Rochelle shook her head and smiled. “This is going to be an interesting night.”

******

Nick shut down the grill later that night, when everyone was congregated around the patio table, finishing up what remained of the peach cobbler Leighanne brought over. Most of the kids were tuckered out, Matty included. He spotted his son sleeping comfortably in Tasha’s arms. It was close to nine and although he knew his friends were going to head home soon, they were still too busy talking about the good old days.

As Nick sat down at the head of the table, he watched Tasha on the other end, having a quiet conversation with JC while Matty slept, their heads close together so they don’t wake the toddler.

“You look worried.”

Nick turned to his left and smiled slightly at Howie. “Me? Nah. Just thinking.”

Howie followed Nick’s gaze and shrugged. “Looks like a serious conversation to me.”

“Probably about tomorrow. She’s a little nervous about going on national television.”

Howie looked at Nick and chose his next words carefully. “Leigh tells me they’ve been spending a whole lot of time together lately.”

“Normal for a producer-artist relationship, I would think.” He picked up his beer and downed it. “Want another beer, D?”

He shook his head. “Aren’t you worried that they might, you know…”

Nick looked unconcerned. Or at least he hoped he did. “Get it on? We’re all adults here, D. And besides, JC knows better.” He reached behind him and pulled out two cold beer cans from the cooler. “JC, heads up.” He tossed the beer to his brother-in-law across the table, careful not to hit anyone else.

The older man caught the can easily and nodded thanks.

“So you and Tasha…it’s all professional?” Howie asked quietly as Nick opened his beer.

Nick raised an eyebrow. “Doesn’t it seem professional to you?”

“Meh,” Howie said, shrugging. “You guys seem…close.”

Nick laughed. “You need to stop listening to your wife.”

“Really? You’re not even the slightest bit attracted to her? Look at her. She’s gorgeous.”

“And so is Leigh,” Nick reasoned. “And I’ve worked with her for six years. Have we ever gotten it on?”

“No. Thank goodness for that. But it was also because you had Faith. You kids were crazy about each other.”

Nick shook his head. “I’m not talking about that tonight, D. Leave it alone.” He started to pull back.

Howie pulled on his friend’s arm. “Nick. We have to talk about Faith sometime, buddy.”

“Not right now we don’t.”

Nick and Howie had a mini staredown before Howie gave up. “What’s up after Ellen for Tasha? New single?”

Now this was a topic he was more comfortable with. As they talked, he saw Tasha stand up with Matty and started walking over to them.

Tasha stopped next to him and leaned by his ear.

“I’m bringing Matty inside. JC said you have a makeshift crib in your studio?”

Nick nodded and started to stand up. “I’ll do it…”

Tasha shook her head and put her hand on his shoulder. “Oh no, sit, I got it. It’ll take a second. I figure he’s more comfortable lying down than on my shoulder. I’ll make sure to leave the door open.” With a smile, she turned and walked into the rec room adjoining the deck.

Nick’s gaze followed her until she disappeared into the darkness.

Stuck in deep thought, he turned his attention back to Howie and tried to remember what they were just talking about. “What was I saying?”

Howie leaned back on his seat and crossed his arms over his chest. “Not attracted, my ass. You have the hots for Tasha. Admit it.”

Brian leaned over from Howie’s left as soon as he heard his friend’s last statement. “D, come on, we both know Nick will deny it til he’s blue in the face.” Then an evil grin. “But the rest of us…well, we know you too well, Frack. You don’t let just anyone in your life like this. This is pretty big.”

Nick sighed. “What are we Rok, twelve? I can be friends with women. In fact, I have many close friends that are women… your wives included.”

“That’s different and you know it, kid.” Brian said as he finished off his beer. “Don’t get me wrong. I’m glad you’re finally back out there, doing your thing. But I’m calling this as what it is, that you’re ready to move on. And frankly, Tasha’s good for you. I wouldn’t have picked better.”

Howie nodded in agreement. “Yeah, Nicky, she seems like a good influence on you, and on Matty. I think you should keep her.”

Nick clutched his head in frustration. “You guys. I’m not dating. I won’t be dating anytime soon. Tasha and I, this is a purely professional relationship. I want to help her out, that’s all. That’s what JC and I are doing, nothing more.”

JC chimed in from behind Nick, “Speak for yourself, Carter.” He pulled up a chair and joined in on the conversation. “If you aren’t calling dibs, I’m so making my move on her.”

Brian’s eyes twinkled evilly. “Oohh, competition. My money’s on JC. He’s a closer after all.”

JC laughed and gave Brian a fist pump over Howie’s head.

“C, come on, man. We have rules about these things.” Nick gave his brother-in-law a pithy look. “Don’t tell me you want to break them all over Tasha.”

“First of all, bro, those rules are all you. I’ve never had a problem breaking them. Second, you have to admit, Tasha’s different from all the other women we know. She’s...real. You know?” JC then turned to Howie and Brian. “Your wives excluded, of course. They’re fantastic.”

Nick gave JC a long suffering look. “JC...”

“All I’m saying, Nick, is that if she even offers a hint of something more than friendship, I won’t say no. I mean, come on. Have you seen those legs?” JC leaned back, looking wistful. “And those eyes. I could look at them for freakin’ days. Did you know she has a tongue ring?”

Howie laughed and slapped JC on the back. “I think what you really need is a cold shower, bro.”

JC shook his head and sighed. “God, Nick, I don’t know how you do it. Two years of no action? I get two weeks of no sex, I’m just about ready to climb walls.”

“Try having a sex drive with a two year old in the house. A boner killer if there ever was one.” Nick grumbled.

“You guys are amateurs,” Howie said proudly, “I have a beautiful wife, who’s almost four months pregnant, a crazy three year old and a really great sex life. You just need a good woman, Nick.The rest won’t matter once you do.”

Nick gave his friends a wan smile. “I had the best woman, guys. I’m not sure if I’ll be that lucky twice in one lifetime.”

JC reached out and squeezed Nick’s shoulder. “If anyone deserves a second chance, it’s you, man.”

“Speaking of second chances,” Brian said, standing up, “The wife just gave me THE look. I be getting lucky tonight, boys. Your wine must have some magic in them, Carter. We may come back for more.”

Nick stood up and laughed. “I’ll make sure we’re stocked up, Bri.”

“Where’s our rockstar?” Leighanne came up to them sleepily and put her arm around her husband. “I want to wish her luck tomorrow before we leave.”

JC stood up. “She’s probably still putting Matty down. I’ll go get her.”

Leighanne came forward and hugged Nick. “Thanks for hosting tonight, Nicky. We should do it again soon, now that Tasha’s staying.”

Nick dropped a kiss on Leighanne’s forehead. “You are all welcome to visit anytime, especially if you bring more of that peach cobbler, because that seriously rocked my world tonight.”

“Your lentil burgers weren’t so bad either. But you need to work on paying more attention to Tasha. JC is outdoing you in the wooing department.”

Nick groaned. “Not you too, Leighanne.”

“Listen,” she said forcefully, touching Nick by the chin. “Darling, it’s your move now. She’s already half in love with you. All you need to do is close the deal. Alright?” She went up on her toes to kiss his cheek. “Remember, I have faith in you,” she said with a grin.

Nick put his hands on his waist and shook his head in disbelief. “You guys need to stop messing with my head. I’m happy single, and I’m sure Tasha can pick her own boyfriends. Alright?”

Brian gave Nick a few playful slaps on the cheek. “We meddle because we care, man.”

“YOU meddle because you know it pushes my buttons, Rok,” Nick laughed. “Let me go and see what’s taking Tasha so long. Don’t go anywhere, I’ll be back.”

Nick walked back into the house, grabbing some empty wine bottles to deposit in the trash bin by the billiard table. As he got closer to the open doors of the studio though, he heard soft music and hushed conversation.

Curious, he walked in, but not until he recognized exactly what song was playing.

What the hell.

When he heard his own voice singing the lyrics he wrote right after his wife died, he had the urge to scream in anger and laugh out loud at the same time.

Instead, he dropped the empty wine bottles he was carrying in an attempt to keep his emotions in check.

Tasha and JC looked up from their spot next to the soundboard when they heard the sound of shattering glass.

Tasha was quick to get up and rush to him. “Nick, are you okay? Let me help---”

In his growing anger, he grabbed her arm and turned to JC. “Stop it. Right now.”

Confused, JC pressed the stop button on the board and frowned. “Hey, sorry Nick. Tasha and I were just listening to this CD she found next to the crib. Are you working on a solo record because you sounded AMAZING---”

Nick’s face remained impassive as he turned to Tasha. “The guys are leaving now. Why don’t you both go and say ‘good night’ while I clean this up?”

Tasha touched his arm with her free hand. “Nick? Is everything okay? I’m sorry if we upset you, I just wanted to listen to that one track, it was beautiful.”

Nick nodded, loosening his grip on her arm and pulling away. “It may be a good idea if this studio is off limits from now on.” He turned to JC. “Okay, C?”

Realizing that the two of them hit a nerve, JC nodded somberly and walked out the door, pulling a confused Tasha with him. “We’ll walk the guys out, Nick. Take your time in here.” Quietly, JC closed the doors to give Nick some privacy.

Nick stood there for a long while, immobilized by the sudden onslaught of memories of Faith...his beautiful, trusting, supportive Faith. Slowly collapsing against the wooden doors, he slid to the floor and buried his face against his knees, determined to erase the memory of that awful crash that took his beloved from him.

A crash that was, if he was being honest with himself, entirely his fault.

 

Chapter 13

Tasha blinked as she stared at her ceiling and turned to the alarm clock beside her bed. 3:12 AM. Two minutes since she last checked.

Sitting up, she ran her fingers through her hair in frustration. Tossing and turning in bed was no fun, especially since she’d been doing it for the last four hours. It was doubly annoying because she had a nine AM meeting with Kevin and Nick downtown Los Angeles. That meant she had to be ready and leave with Nick at eight.

She sighed heavily. She shouldn’t have had that soda with JC before he left for Las Vegas earlier that evening. By the time she was ready to go to bed, she was so sugared up that she couldn’t sleep even if she wanted to.

Tasha grabbed her phone from the nightstand and sent a quick message to JC.

I’m pretty sure that soda had crack, because I’m still wide awake, thank you very much. Some friend you are.

She dropped her phone on the bed and stood up, not expecting a response from him at least until he got to Vegas in about an hour or so. 

Clad only in her underwear and a Ramones tank top, Tasha stepped through the open balcony doors of her room and stared at the night sky. Usually the gentle crash of the waves onto the shore was enough to lull her to sleep but tonight, in addition to the sugar high, it was also hot as hell, and as tempted as she was to crank up her air conditioner, she got cold easily as well.

Leaning forward over the balcony railing, she peeked to her left and saw Nick’s back patio completely dark. She could only see a part of the beach house from where she stood, but that didn’t stop her from trying to get a peek at Nick’s private life. It had been a month since that barbeque in his house, the same confusing evening when he ushered her and JC out of his private studio. Nick still hadn’t talked to either one of them about it but JC assured her that he just needed time.

He wasn’t kidding. Nick was taking a whole month’s worth of time.

Tasha wasn’t complaining. He’d kept her on the go, with her appearance on Ellen, her performance at the KTLA morning show, her Youtube duet with Bruno Mars, her special appearance on the new Black Keys record and now, finally, recording her first single.

She’d been wonderfully busy, which distracted her from the fact that Nick had been so detached, almost too focused on the nitty gritty of her career to even spend real one on one time with her. Like she was just...business.

JC had repeatedly reminded her not to take it too personally, which she appreciated. At a recent night out with the other studio engineers and musicians, JC pulled her aside and reminded her that Nick was human, like the rest of them.

“Tash, Nick’s your manager, he needs to be focused on the nitty gritty. Otherwise, your career would be over before it even takes off.”

She gave him a wan smile and shrugged, hoping it came off as nonchalant. “I get it. I do. It’s just...I don’t know, it was good and fun and friendly before. Now it’s just...professional.”

“Nick gets in different moods. This month, it just seems like he’s pulling away but he’s working on his stuff, all the crazy things in his head. He’ll be back to his old self soon enough.” At that point, JC dropped a shot glass filled with her favourite vodka in front of her. “Now stop trying to ‘friendzone’ me by talking about my brother-in-law. Let’s do some shots. I’m hoping to get you drunk enough so I can have my way with you.”

She adored that JC made her laugh. He made her laugh all the crazy time.  He was like the brother she never had, and although he flirted with her outrageously every opportunity he got, she knew their connection was purely platonic, at least from where she stood.

From inside her room, she heard her phone beep. She ran in and picked it up from underneath her pillow.

I can’t believe you’re blaming me for your bad drink decisions. Why aren’t you asleep, really? Better question: what are you wearing?

And did she forget to mention that getting to know JC also meant finding out he was one world class perv? Lovable, but pervy nonetheless.

C, you know I love you, but why do you have to go and make our friendship all about your perviness?

She grinned as she sent the message. He must be in Vegas already. When he told her the day before that he was abandoning her for a while so he can spend time with some “special lady friends (insert JC wink here)”, she was half tempted to join him, just so she wouldn’t be alone in the Compound with Nick.

Okay, that sounded wrong. The Compound was plenty busy during the day but at night, without the engineers and security guys and musicians, the Compound was...well...eerily quiet.

Normally, on evenings when she and JC weren’t working, she would hang out with him and Matty at the beach house while Nick was busy doing...well, whatever it was that he did on his own. Other nights, she would drive over to Leigh’s or Rochelle’s for some girl time.

Tasha pulled on her shorts, went back out onto the balcony and contemplated the next few days. She hadn’t really talked to Nick one on one lately. It was either her and Nick and JC in a room or Nick relaying information to her through JC or Leigh. If he wasn’t supervising a recording session from the engineering both, he was running around on his phone or in various closed door meetings.

Her calendar was plenty full though. Nick thought having JC away was a good time to schedule her contract signing with the label as well as have her meet with a few potential publicists and assistants.

Yes, she was still getting used to the idea herself. Nick thought her busy enough to warrant her very own ASSISTANT. So the next few days were going to be spent with her away from the studio and being near a distracted Nick, as well as sitting through interviews.

All she really wanted to do was practice her guitar and fine tune her songs.

Or better yet, fly to Maryland to visit her dad. It had been a month since she last saw him, although she called practically everyday. His doctor assured her he was doing well and having more good days than bad. Her dad even asked her questions about California the last time they talked, which meant he was slowly getting back to his old self.

But that reassurance didn’t make Tasha feel less detached from her life. She wanted to be there for her dad and at the same time, wanted to keep going on this roller coaster ride that was her new career in music. She needed to figure out a balance.

She needed to talk to Nick.

Her phone beeped again.

You’re mistaking my West Coast charm for perviness. I can see how a girl from Baltimore can get confused. Have you figured out what to tell Nick yet?

And there goes JC reading her mind again.

I’m still working on that. But my calendar is so full, I don’t know if he’ll let me fly to visit Dad for a few days.

And it was. Outside of meeting publicists and future assistants, there were interviews, schmoozing, more media training. Rehearsals for three upcoming club shows. Guitar practice...

He will. You just need to ask. Don’t be a pussy.

Tasha’s smile widened.

You need to work on your pep talks, Chasez. But thanks.

That left Tasha strumming her fingers lightly on the balcony railing, thinking for the umpteenth time that day how to tell Nick that she wanted a few days off.

God, she hated this changed relationship she had with him. A month ago, she would’ve been able to come up to him and tell him she wanted a few days off and he would’ve given her anything she wanted. Now, he was so enmeshed in his own world that Tasha was pretty sure he wouldn’t see her even if she stood right in front of him.

She was worried about him, but at the same time, she was angry at herself for caring too much. She should be focused on working on her first single, on screening a new band. Instead, she thought about excuses to talk to Nick. She was worse than a Backstreet Boy fangirl.

Tasha shook her head and slipped on her flip flops. She needed sleep so she didn’t have any more weird thoughts about her manager. And at this point, she needed something else to help her get back to bed.

Slipping her phone in her shorts’ back pocket, she quickly ran down the stairs attached to her balcony and made the five minute walk to the beach house.

Since moving to the Artist House a month before, she’d learned how to “acquire” a few things, especially in a building that didn’t have a stocked central kitchen and what passed for a refrigerator in her room only fit six bottles of water and the occasional box of leftovers. She knew where to find the ice cold premium vodka.

JC had tipped her off a few weeks ago when the heat wave started and the only way she could sleep was either by taking a long bubble bath or having a few shots of Grey Goose. Since no one in the Artist House had it in stock, JC graciously told her he’d keep the beach house’s patio bar fridge unlocked just for her. Since then, she’d slipped out to the beach house, after making sure that the patio was empty, of course, and made herself a few shooters. By the time she would make her way back to her room, she would be so relaxed, she’d fall asleep as soon as her head hit the pillows.

Tasha walked up the dark patio steps and made her way quickly behind the bar purely from memory. Not wanting to risk waking Nick up, she skipped turning on the lights and felt her way to the beer fridge. Her eyes adjusted to the darkness almost immediately.

Her phone started vibrating from her pocket as soon as she poured herself a shot.

“Are you having Nick’s vodka without me?” JC teased as she answered the phone.

Tasha laughed. “You know this whole psychic thing you’re doing is starting to creep me out,” she answered in a hushed voice. “How did you know I was stealing Nick’s booze?”

JC sounded mildly offended that she even had to ask. “Come on, Tash, you’re a creature of habit. And besides, free Grey Goose is hard to resist.”

She grabbed her shooter and the ice cold bottle and sat on the massive lounger next to the bar. “How’s Vegas and your lady friends?”

“Don’t distract me. Have you thought about what you’re going to say?”

Tasha sighed. “You’re like a dog with a bone, aren’t you? No I haven’t figured out what to tell Nick yet. And don’t call me a pussy, just because this potential conversation is freaking me out.”

“Baby, Nick is Nick. You can talk to him, anytime. It sucks that he’s channeling...what’s that douchebag vampire’s name...”

“Who, Edward?”

“Yes, Edward. But you’re no Bella. You’re stronger than that. You need to take charge of your career, and your life, baby. And we’re here to help you, so talk to him. We only want what you want so you’re in charge.”

At this point, Tasha wished JC was in front of her so she could give him a hug. He was so good to her, and to her ego. “You’re right, C. I am in charge. I’ll talk to Nick tomorrow.”

“Good girl. Love you, gotta go, someone’s at the door.”

“Love you too, C. Don’t forget to use protection,” she closed with a smile. Tasha shook her head and dropped her phone on the lounge next to her. Her shot glass was full and beckoning and she decided she needed a couple of shots to get some sleep as well as liquid courage for tomorrow.

“I’ve been wondering where my vodka’s disappeared to,” a soft voice from behind her said. It took all of Tasha’s quick reflexes not to literally jump and drop her shot.

“Holy...Nick?” He came out of the shadows quickly, catching her before she fell off the edge of the lounger.

He grinned playfully as he guided her upright by the waist. “Sorry, did I surprise you, my little alco thief?”

Tasha looked up at him in the moonlight and felt her heart stop and restart again, seeing him so close. It had been a while since he was, well, touching distance, and Tasha forgot how wonderfully breathtaking that was.

In her surprise, she subtly pushed away his arm against her. “Jesus, Nick, you could’ve warned me you were here.”

He ruffled her hair as he settled down next to her on the lounger with his own shot glass. “Scoot over and hand me that bottle. Vodka shooters are better with friends.”

“Couldn’t sleep either?” she asked as she handed him the bottle and move a safer distance away from him.

He shrugged as he poured himself a shot. “I was preoccupied.” Raising his glass he smiled at her and touched the rim of her glass with his. “Here’s to a peaceful night.”

She nodded and drank her vodka with him, relishing the line of heat as it went down her throat. Moving over a little bit more to give them more space in between each other, she leaned back against the cushions and crossed her legs.

At the corner of her eye, she saw Nick looking at her. She pretended to not see him by looking at the clear night sky.

“I can’t get over how beautiful it is here.”

“Here in the Compound or California in general?” Nick asked, pouring them another shot. “Here you go. One more, for tomorrow’s signing.”

She accepted the glass and downed the shot quickly. Oh how she loved her Grey Goose. It went down so smoothly she didn’t even feel the buzzing unless...well, she tried to move.

“Just right here. Clear sky, dark night, full moon. Waves crashing, sand between my toes. It feels like what home should be.”

Nick leaned back on the cushions with her and smiled. “Sounding more and more like a songwriter. JC’s influence, I hope?”

She turned to smile at him. “And yours.”

Looking at him turned out to be a mistake though, because as he returned her smile with a touch of his thumb to her cheek, she noticed how exhausted he looked, with his cheeks gaunt and the bags dark under his eyes more noticeable. She sat up and touched his hand by her face.

“Oh Nick,” she breathed. “You look tired. Are you okay?”

He kept his smile and clutched her hand with his. “Yes, just working through some insomnia. I don’t look that terrible, do I?” He raised her hand up to his lips and dropped a quick kiss on it. “I’ve missed you, Tash. We haven’t talked in a while have we?”

She shook her head, blatantly aware of Nick’s quick change of subject. “No, but everything’s been so...busy.” She pulled her hand away from his so slowly, he didn’t notice. Or so she hoped.

If he did notice, he didn’t let on. “So you need to talk to me?”

Oh God, she hoped the darkness hid her embarrassment. “Oh you heard that?”

“I wasn’t eavesdropping, I promise.” He turned to her. “Hey, sorry I’ve been MIA, in more ways than one. And I hate the fact that you feel you couldn’t talk to me.”

She shook her head. “I don’t. It’s just...you’re doing so much for me, my career, all these interviews, these shows...and in the process, I feel like I don’t really want to ask for more, you know?”

“Tash, you’re my main priority,” he said, sitting up and looking straight in her eyes. “I’m here to make sure you have everything you want and need. So, ask me anything. As long as it’s not the moon.”

“Well...”

“Do you want a car? A personal driver? A new guitar? New wardrobe? Actually I’ve been thinking about getting you your own car and driver...”

Tasha looked appalled. “What? No! Do I give off that ‘high maintenance’ vibe? I don’t need any of that, jeez Nick.”

He became confused. “What is it then?”

“Home. I just want to go home to visit Dad for a few days. I haven’t seen him in a month but he’s starting a new drug regimen and I want to be there for it. But the schedule is full of meetings and studio work and I’m not sure how much work it takes to reschedule so...”

Nick shook his head and laughed. “Stop, stop. Good God, that was the last thing I expected.” He looked at her for a few moments and shook his head again. “I have to constantly remind myself you’re not like other people I know. You actually APPRECIATE working for what you have.” He smiled. “It’s refreshing.”  

Tasha didn’t really know how to respond to that except a slight smile and a look back at the sky.

“Yes,” he told her softly a few moments later. “We’ll reschedule everything and make sure you’re home tomorrow. Four days? Five?”

She didn’t realize that she was holding her breath until she exhaled. “Four days would be plenty, Nick. Thank you.”

“Oh no, don’t thank me, I completely dropped the ball on this. You’re supposed to be home three days out of the week and I totally forgot. I’ll make it up to you, I promise. Where do you want to stay?”

“Oh don’t worry, I’ll stay at the boarding house, I’m sure one of the girls can spare a couch.”

Nick shook his head as he grabbed her shot glass and poured both of them another round of shots. “No.”

Tasha turned to him immediately, surprised at his answer. “No?”

“You’re staying at a hotel. I promised you you’re not going back to that place you called home in the last year. Especially in that neighborhood.” He handed her a shot. “Now drink.”

Tasha drank the vodka too fast, so she can reply to his last statement. There was nothing wrong with East Baltimore. It had been home for a while and she made friends...Oh wow, that shot went down really well.

“I’ll have Leigh book you at the Four Seasons. That’s where I usually stay and about a ten minute cab ride to the hospital.”

She shook her head. “It’s all the way, iunno, in the other side of town. My boarding house is like 5 blocks away from Dad.”

“Baby, it’s a boarding house. Stay at the Four Seasons, please, for my sanity.”

“But it’s so far. And I like to walk,” she slurred. Wait, was she drunk already? “You called me baby.”

Nick’s smile turned impish. “I did.”

“JC calls me baby too.”

“So I’ve heard.”

“You guys need to be more creative.”

Nick laughed in surprise. “I’ll try. What do you want me to call you? Darling? Beautiful?”

She shook her head slowly. It was a giant effort to move. “Call me ‘my love’, but only if you mean it.”

Nick smiled and took out the glasses and bottles between them and placed all on the table beside their feet.

“And call me Natasha Grace if I’ve REALLY pissed you off,” she suggested as she closed her eyes. Man, this was the best feeling in the world. The feel of the fresh night breeze, the sound of the waves crashing on the sand, the smell of Nick’s aftershave and the feel of his steady heartbeat as he pulled her to his chest.

“But you can keep calling me baby if you want,” she murmured against his shirt. “I like the way you say it.”

She snuggled closer to Nick and felt him drop a kiss atop her head. He tightened his hold on her and her last thoughts before falling asleep was why does this feel so right?

 

*********

 

It was the most vivid dream he’d had in years.

She was soft. Even with his eyes closed, he felt the curves against his hand and wanted to feel more of her skin. He shifted his leg and pulled her to him, wanting the smell of vanilla and sunscreen oh so much closer.

As one hand started exploring the curve of her back, the other was tentatively touching the silkiness of her bare midriff. Feeling her leg curling above his in response to his touch, he leaned in closer and breathed in her essence, and dropped a soft open mouthed kiss on her neck, just under her ear.

She rocked her body close, the friction he felt between his pants and her underwear was starting to get pretty uncomfortable. Also, what were they doing still wearing clothes? He needed to take care of that immediately.

He moved her top up so he can feel her skin against his, and when his hand closed on her breast, the feeling took his breath away, and made him bite onto her earlobe none too gently.

He heard her breath catch and smiled. He slipped one hand underneath her underwear to cup her unbelievably shaped ass, and pushed her up so his mouth lined up to her breasts.

In the back of his mind, he heard the familiar sound of waves crashing and, wait, was that crying?

“DAAADDDDYYYY!”

Nick’s eyes opened quickly as his ears picked up a distressed cry from his son.

Almost at once, he was met with an equally surprised look from...

Tasha.

Reality tumbled down when he realized just exactly what had happened and where his hands were.

Both of them pulled away from each other so fast, Nick fell off the lounger, landing butt first onto the patio floor. Quickly looking away as Tasha set her clothes straight, he scrambled to get up.

“Jesus,” Nick breathed as he grabbed the baby monitor from atop the bar. “Tasha, I...”

Her eyes were still wide with disbelief as she inched further away from him and the scene of the crime. “What just happened?”

Matty’s crying got louder and from what Nick could surmise, it could either be a wet diaper or a bad dream. In either case, he needed to make a run for it.

“I...I have to go. Stay here,” he said, not looking directly at her. “I’ll be back. Give me a few minutes.”

His heart rate went into overdrive not so much from the exertion of climbing up four flights of stairs but from the total shock of what he woke up to, and how unbelievably hot it was. How did his mind even think it was a dream when everything was happening in reality?

“I’m here, Matty,” he whispered as he rushed into his son’s room, “Daddy’s here.”

He picked up the crying toddler from his crib and soothed his small body racked with tears. “What is it, baby?”

“I monsters, Daddy,” he wailed against his father’s ear. “I scared and you gone!”

Nick kept making the soothing circling motions against his son’s back and waited until he calmed down. Looking at the Thomas the Tank Engine truck in the far wall, he realized it was just about 7:30. Thirty minutes before he had to leave with Tasha to see Kevin and the rest of the guys downtown.

“Sorry, boss, I was making coffee downstairs, I didn’t hear him,” Damon said, running into the room.

Nick nodded. “Matty, no monsters, okay? Damon and I are here. We’ll make sure the monsters don’t hurt you. Okay, baby?”

After a few hiccups, Matty looked at his father’s face and gave him a frown of disbelief. “You pwomise?”

“Cross my heart, Matty. And I promise, next time you wake up, I’ll be here, okay?”

Matty gave Nick a tight hug. “I love you, Daddy.”

Nick closed his eyes against the onslaught of guilt and hugged his little boy tight. What was he doing, drinking with Tasha at three in the morning and then waking up...

He didn’t want to think about it. What he should’ve done was sleep in his bed and all of this wouldn’t have happened.

“Come on, little man, I got just the thing to make you feel better,” Damon said, taking Matty from Nick’s arms. “How do you feel about Cheerios for breakfast?”

Matty’s smile widened as he raised his arms in celebration. “Cheerios!” He turned to Nick and clapped, “Daddy cheerios?”

Nick dropped a kiss on Matty’s forehead and said, “Daddy has to talk to Tasha downstairs but I’ll join you for Cheerios in a few minutes, okay?”

Matty’s smile was bright, like he wasn’t just crying a minute ago. “Tasha Cheerios!”

Damon looked curious. “Tasha? She’s here? This early?”

Nick gave Damon a look to drop the subject. Damon gave his boss a sly smile.

“Well well. It’s about time, Carter.”

Nick ignored Damon and walked out of the room and down the stairs as fast as his feet could take him. A part of him wished that what happened this morning DIDN’T happen but his usual good luck seemed to be changing.

Walking through the patio doors, he breathed in deep to brace himself. They needed to talk about what happened, to clear the air. And he needed to apologize for being a fucking lecher.

But instead of Tasha, he found a note waiting for him at the bar.

Left to get ready. See you in the car at 8. - T

He leaned back against the bar and dropped the note, running his hands through his hair. Flashes of everything from last night and this morning were coming back to him and he really really didn’t want to remember.

He had spent the better part of the last month trying to get a grip on everything: his emotions, his responsibilities to Matty, his own commitments and most especially, his awkward physical reaction to Tasha.

He really had nipped it in the bud, especially since that night at the studio with JC. But the overwhelming guilt at causing his wife’s death on top of sleepless nights had made him cranky and unapproachable and with it, came the automatic distancing of himself from other people.

JC didn’t care. He still was up in Nick’s business to no end. Almost every night, he heard a lecture about letting people in, about learning how to handle his grief around others. Nick, stubborn since birth, had made it a point to NOT listen, and dealt with it on his own.

But the more he removed himself from Tasha, the more she watched him. He felt it, he knew she wanted to comfort him in her way, but he just didn’t stay around her long enough to let her.

And then a few weeks ago, the dreams started.

One night, as he sat in the patio alone, nursing a beer before bed, he saw a familiar figure come up the patio steps and help herself to a few shots of vodka. She never really saw him, because she’d only stay for a few minutes and Nick was always under the cover of darkness.

She came back every night, sometimes taking vodka, sometimes nursing a beer for half an hour. And every night Nick was there, watching, sometimes curious, mostly immobilized with impossibly delicious thoughts.

The dreams came because she almost always wandered over only in a tank top and underwear, like she was just walking outside her bedroom to the kitchen. He couldn’t take his eyes off her, not even if he wanted to.

He thought she was beautiful when he first met her. But now, after spending time with her and getting to know her, she was so different than what he expected. And seeing her with hardly any clothes on, he was a dead man and he knew it.

He respected her enough to not abuse his position. Nick knew many talent managers and producers who took advantage of their talents in such a sick way, he was determined to not be another statistic. And besides, Faith had only been gone for two years. That’s not enough time to move on...or was it?

 

********

 

Tasha opened the car door to Nick’s black Range Rover at 8 AM precisely, ready to face Nick and talk about this morning. Both of them were totally caught off guard that their first instinct was to flee: Nick to Matty and Tasha to her room. Even then, she didn’t know what exactly transpired, only that she had woken up from a wonderful dream to feel Nick’s hand on her breast and another on her ass. His look of shock mirrored hers, she was certain.

“Oh there you are! Come on, we’re all riding together.”

Leigh’s smiling face was such a relief that Tasha had to pull the older woman in for a hug.

She laughed. “You do remember we just saw each other yesterday, right?”

Tasha smiled. “You’re just a sight for sore eyes, that’s all,” she said with a smile. “I had a rough night.”

Leigh squeezed her friend’s hand. “Well you look fabulous. All those makeup lessons from Ro are paying off! No hint of dark circles.”

Tasha pulled her phone out. “You have no idea. I’m totally texting Ro that you said that. I thought you weren’t coming for the signing today?”

“Oh, Grumpy called me fifteen minutes ago, he said you wanted to fly to see your pops in Baltimore?” At Tasha’s nod, Leigh pulled out her arsenal of tools: her iPad, her cellphone, and her black notebook. “Then let’s get crackin’. The sooner we reschedule all your appointments and book your flights, the better. Also, since Grumpy’s going to be in the car, he can yay or nay any of our ideas.”

Grumpy. Leigh says it with love but a few times this month, she managed to just barely stop herself from throwing her iPad at Nick’s head. Not that he’d been unreasonable. He’d just been...distracted. Leigh’s theory is that if anything can get his head straight, it would be a well aimed iPad hitting his noggin.

“And here comes his Majesty.” Leigh mused with a laugh. “He looks much worse than you...and that’s with coffee.”

Tasha turned away from Leigh so she wouldn’t see the slow blush that crept up her cheeks.

Damon hopped into the driver’s seat as Nick slid into the passenger side, in front of Leigh.

“Morning, sunshine!” Leigh greeted. “You too, Grumpy.”

Nick grunted while Damon turned to the two of them in the back. “Ready to boogie, ladies?”

At Tasha’s nod and Leigh’s enthusiastic ‘woo’, Damon smiled and turned to the wheel, but not before giving Tasha a wink.

Her eyes narrowed suspiciously at Damon, then at Nick, who seemed hell bent on ignoring her.

“Okay, Baltimore, what do you have for us today? Tash, do you want to leave right after the signing or---”

Thankfully, with Leigh’s enthusiasm and steady stream of questions, the hour-long drive to the Millennium Building passed quickly, with only one moment of uncomfortable eye contact with Nick and no further winks from Damon.

In fact, by the time they got to the Millennium Building parking lot, Leigh had booked four return trips to Baltimore in the next three months as well as a weekend trip to a spa in Sonoma Valley with the girls because, according to Leigh, “you’re working Tasha to the ground, Nick, she needs a vacation from you.”

Nick didn’t disagree.

The foursome reached the executive floor of the building, with Howie waiting for them by the reception desk.

Howie gave quick handshakes to Nick and Damon and an extended (and publicly uncomfortable) kiss to his wife before giving Tasha a big warm hug. When he offered his arm to escort her into Kevin’s office, Tasha said, “Howie, if I knew how much of a charmer you are, I might’ve just let you be my manager instead of Nick.”

That statement seemed to snap Nick out of his stupor. He gave her a wry grin and pushed Howie aside before offering his own arm.

Tasha accepted and although touching his arm sent an almost electric shock of awareness through her, she kept her back straight and avoided Nick’s gaze.

They walked into the empty receiving area leading into Kevin’s office, Nick stopped and asked the others to go ahead inside and give them a few minutes alone to talk.

When they all disappeared behind the massive doors, Nick pulled Tasha aside, leading her to the furthest corner away from the doors, making sure they weren’t heard.

“Nick?”

“I’m sorry,” he said, running nervous fingers through his hair. “About this morning. I’m so freakin’ sorry, I can’t...I didn’t mean to take advantage of you like that.”

Tasha nodded. “I know.”

“I thought I was dreaming. It was so surreal.” Nick touched her arm. “Can we just chalk it up to too much vodka and not enough sleep?”

She was relieved that he felt the same way she did. “Oh God, yes please.”

His smile was sheepish. “So we’re okay? This isn’t weird?”

Tasha laughed. “Nick, of course it’s still weird. But we’ll work hard to make sure it’s not weird for long. Deal?”

His hands closed on hers tightly. “Deal.”

As he turned away, Tasha got up the nerve to call out, “And Nick?”

“Yes, Tasha.”

“Maybe we can also work on you not being too...well, distant? I want to be here for you too and you make it really difficult if you keep staying away.”

Nick paused and gave her a half smile before taking her hand. “One thing at a time, baby. One thing at a time.”

 

Chapter 14

“You look like you could use a friend. Or a few fingers of scotch.”

Nick turned from staring at a spot on the fireplace to JC, who walked into the living room carrying a giant bottle of Johnnie Walker. Nick smiled but put a finger over his mouth, signalling that Matty was asleep next to him on the couch.

JC nodded and turned to the mini-bar set up next to the fireplace. Nick carefully stood up, making sure he didn’t wake his sleeping son and walked over to join JC.

“None for me,” Nick said, as JC pulled out two empty glasses. “I’m banning alcohol from my system.”

JC laughed in disbelief. “Now that’s a first. What happened?”

Nick shook his head and pulled out a bottle of water from the mini-fridge. “Don’t ask.” Looking over at JC, Nick smiled, “You look like you had a good trip.”

“Oh it was a dirty dirty trip. In the very best way. You should’ve come.”

Nick gave his brother-in-law a wry look. “My Vegas party days are over, cuz. But you go represent for the rest of us.” Nick moved over to the sofa by the windows, keeping a close eye on the sleeping Matty. “You’re back early though.”

JC swirled the scotch in his glass and sat across from Nick. “It started to get boring. And besides, a little birdy told me Tasha’s in Baltimore for a few days. I thought I’d come back and keep you company.”

Nick gave him a long-suffering look. “Dude, you gotta stop with the matchmaking.”

“Then you gotta stop being a douchebag and tell her exactly why you’re avoiding her.”

“I’m not avoiding her.”

“You’re a crap liar, Nick.”

“I’m not lying!”

“She’s noticed, you know.”

Nick opened his mouth and then decided against it. Instead, he took a well-timed sip of his water.

“Is it Faith?”

Nick frowned. “What about Faith?”

“You hide behind your grief and your love of Faith that you don’t see anything else out there.”

Nick opened his mouth to defend himself but JC put a hand up.

“I’m not saying you’re not trying. You are. Your work with Tasha is proof of that. All I’m saying is stop pushing us away. We’re all family here, man. We love you. We want to help.”

It felt like hours but Nick spoke up. “There was a song.”

JC blanked. “What song?”

“A month ago, you and Tasha were playing a track in my studio. The night of the barbeque?”

JC nodded. “It was great, Nick. Tasha and I loved it.”

“I wrote it the day of Faith’s funeral.”

JC moved closer to Nick and waited for him to continue.

“I wanted to sing it before...” Nick stopped and cleared his throat. “But I couldn’t. So I recorded it. For myself, hoping the more I listen to it, the more I can get some courage and let go.”

Nick frowned. “Now, every time I hear it, I get angry. Every single time. It’s not just anger at her. It’s anger at myself, anger for Matty...”

Nick paused and took a breath.

“I want Tasha to sing it.”

JC blinked, caught off guard. “Say what now?”

“I want her to sing it. And you to produce it. I need it to get it out of that room and out of my head. It needs to live somewhere outside of myself, because if it stays here, one of these days, I’m going to smash every single thing I own because of it.”

Nick knew his face was red from trying so hard to control what he was feeling. JC frowned. “Are you sure you’re doing this for the right reasons?”

“What better reason is there than self-preservation?”

JC still looked hesitant. “Nick, that song is very personal. Maybe you should sing it, release it to the world. Who knows, maybe it’ll help you heal.”

“I can’t sing.”

“What? Of course you can.”

“I WON’T sing.”

“Nick...”

“Will you do it or not?” Nick’s tone became curt.

It was a staredown between the two men for a good minute before JC said, “Have you told Tasha?”

Nick shook his head.

“Are you planning to tell her or is that one more thing you want me to tell her?” JC asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

“I was going to talk to her when she’s back in LA. But I didn’t want to bring it up unless you sign on to do it too.”

JC seemed hesitant. “Can I get back to you then? I just...I want to give you a few days to think about it some more, Nick.”

Nick nodded. “We’ll talk about it again when Tasha’s here.”

“When is she coming back anyway?”

Before Nick could even answer, JC’s phone started ringing obscenely loud from his pocket. “Day after tomorrow.”

JC put his phone up to see who was calling and smiled. “Well, speak of the devil. One sec, bro.” He pressed Answer on his phone and said, “We were just talking about you, my sexy little muffin. How’s Baltimore?” He signalled to Nick that he was taking the call in the other room so he didn’t wake Matty.

Nick stood up and followed JC to the front foyer, to see if he can get a chance to speak to Tasha, even just for a little while. But the look on JC’s face made him stop short.

“Tash, calm down, what’s wrong?” JC motioned Nick to hurry forward. “Sweetheart, you need to breathe.”

Nick tried to listen from right next to JC’s ear but the reception from her was choppy at best.

JC pressed the speaker button and suddenly Tasha’s broken tear-filled voice filled the room.

“...Daddy...NICU...seizure...I don’t---”

Nick snatched the phone from JC and pressed the Speaker button again and pressed his ear against the phone.

“Tash, it’s Nick. What happened?”

“Daddy had a seizure, Nick. He’s going to NICU...I don’t...I don’t know what to do.”

Nick’s breath caught in his throat as he tried not to panic for her. “Is he okay? Are they operating? Where are they now?”

“They’re taking him now. We were just watching TV, Nick. Oh my God, we were just watching TV.”

Nick lowered his voice to a more soothing tone. “Baby, sit down, please, and take a deep breath. Your dad needs you to be calm, okay?”

“I don’t... I can’t lose him, Nick. He’s all I have. I can’t lose him.”

“And you won’t, just…baby, please just breathe in for me.”

He heard her not so steady intake of breath and closed his eyes. “That’s my girl.”

Nick waited until her breathing calmed somewhat. “Where are you now?”

“Out..outside intensive care. They’re trying to stabilize him and...fuck.”

Nick straightened. “What is it?”

“I feel so helpless.”

Her voice sounded so small, so scared. “I know, sweetheart. But your dad, he has the best doctors in the country. They’ll make sure he’s okay.”

“But what if he’s not okay?”

“Then he will be, just let them do what they need to do. It’ll take time, Tash.”

She was quiet for a few minutes, with the sound of her ragged breathing the only indication she was still with him. JC stood a few feet away from him, waiting and watching Nick’s face carefully.

She whispered something so softly he almost didn’t hear it.

“I wish you were here, Nick.”

Those words felt like someone punched him in the gut. “I wish I was there too.”

“Thanks for talking me down.”

“Anytime.” Nick ran a hand through his hair. “What’s going on now? Any changes?”

Hearing voices in the background, Nick assumed someone had decided to keep Tasha company.

“What’s happening, Tash?” Nick asked, getting anxious.

“Is she still there?” JC looked almost as worried as Nick felt.

“She’s talking to someone, I think and---”

“Nick?” Her voice was starting to get mixed up in static again.

“I’m here,” he said, “Was that the doctor?”

“No but it was the nurse saying Dad’s been stabilized. The doctor wants to talk to me. I’ll call you guys back.”

“Okay, but---”

And it was dead air.

********

Tasha was exhausted and running on caffeine. It was two AM and she had been in the OR waiting room, wondering what the doctors were doing with her dad for four hours.

It had been an emotional roller coaster since Dad had his seizure earlier that evening. His doctors said it was a very strong reaction to his new drug regimen and they needed to stabilize him to, first, get the drug out of his system, and second, do an EEG and a brain scan to see how it affected his brain function.

It took a torturous three hours but the doctors finally agreed that based on what they found, severe seizures were going to continue if they didn’t go in and drain the excess fluid from the tumor.

On a positive note, the doctor said, since her dad had started being a part of their program, his tumor not only stopped growing, but showed positive signs of reducing in size. That meant all the time spent in gene therapy and all the medication was actually working.

Tasha didn’t know what to feel. After authorizing the surgery over four hours ago, she hadn’t heard anything or seen anyone come out of the room. Everyone had assured her that it was a simple procedure, as far as brain surgery goes, so she shouldn’t worry.

But there she was, staring blankly at the vending machine, knowing she should eat something yet immobilized by her panicked thoughts.

Her phone buzzed in her pocket and gratefully, she answered it, wanting more than anything to be distracted from her worrying.

“I am so glad you called. You just saved me from choosing between Doritos and a two-year-old Nutrigrain bar.”

Nick’s laugh was deep and throaty, like he had just woken up. “I would’ve thought the culinary options at a place like Johns Hopkins would be a little bit more highbrow.”

“Trust me, this is as good as it gets.”

He laughed. “How’re you holding up?”

She leaned against the vending machine and kept her eyes peeled to the closed OR door. “I’ve been better. But much improved from my panic attack earlier.”

“You are starting to sound like your normally abnormal self.”

Tasha had to smile. “You like me a little crazy, admit it.”

“I like you, crazy or not. But preferably crazy. Any news from the OR?”

After that first phone call, Tasha had made it a point to send updates to Nick and JC via text so they knew what was going on. “Nothing yet but I’m hopeful. Trying to stay hopeful.”

“You’re stronger than you realize, Tash.”

She slid down to the floor and sighed as she wrapped her arm around her knees. “I don’t know, Nick. All that time in California’s made me a crybaby.”

“Really? Blaming California? That’s low,” he chuckled. “If I were you, I’d blame Baltimore before I give California any grief.”

She smiled. “Watch it, blondie. This is my hometown.”

Tasha felt the warmth of Nick’s smile even over the phone. “Nick?”

“Yes, Tash?”

“I’m not sure if this is a no-no in your manager/talent relationship rulebook, but right now, I miss your hugs.”

It took him torturous seconds to respond. “I miss your hugs too, Tash.”

“It’s like they magically take away all the worry, and tell me everything’s okay.” Her eyes started welling up again in spite of her pushing the tears down. “Dammit, this hospital food is making me into a cheeseball.”

Nick’s laugh was low. “Stand up, Tash.”

Tasha, surprised at his last statement, looked up around the room littered with other people waiting for their loved ones. “How did you know I was sitting down?”

Softly he answered, “Because I’m right behind you.”

Faster than she’d ever moved, Tasha stood up and turned. Sure enough, Nick was right there, leaning by the door frame, dropping his phone in his jacket pocket. He kept his gaze right on her though, giving her a slow half-smile.

Tasha forgot to breathe all over again. Was she dreaming? She can’t be dreaming. He flew all the way here? For her?

All her questions were forgotten as soon as Nick’s arms opened. The next thing she knew, she was flying into them.

********

It was the look of pure joy on Tasha’s face that knocked the breath out of Nick even before she ran into his arms.

With her eyes red from crying and her hair in disarray, she had never looked more beautiful to him. And now, even as he held her tight, he couldn’t even think of letting her go. Ever.

It took a few seconds but he felt her tears against his shirt and realized she started crying again. “Oh baby, it’s okay, I’m here,” he said softly as his hands ran soothingly up and down her back.

He pulled back and touched her face to make sure she was okay.

Tasha was frantically wiping the tears coursing down her cheeks. “I’m sorry, I just...damn it, I’m like a leaky faucet.”

Nick smiled as he cupped her face with his hands and wiped her tears gently. “You’re perfect.”

She stared straight into his eyes and he remembered thinking why he never realized she had green flecks around her deep brown irises.

Her hand touched his shirt tentatively. “I just ruined your shirt.”

He looked down and shrugged. “It’s just a shirt.” Nick pulled her to him again.

So they stood there, in each other’s arms as Tasha tried to get some control over her emotions and Nick...well, Nick was trying to ignore the overwhelming urge to kiss her.

It seemed like hours before either of them started to talk. Or move.

Tasha said something to him softly. Nick stifled a smile as her words were muffled from the fabric of his shirt. “I’m sorry, what did you say? I can’t hear you over all your gross girl snot.”

She pushed him away in mock annoyance, laughing in spite of herself. “You’re gross girl snot. Also, why do you smell like tacos?”

Nick gave a surprised laugh. “Do I? Oh wait, I had some in the cab on the way here.” He couldn’t help but look sheepish. “It was a long flight. I got some veggie quesadillas for you though. Are you hungry?”

“Starving.”

He let go of her to grab the paper bag he dropped on the floor. “Come on, you sit, I’ll feed you,” he said, pulling her to a nearby vacant couch. She followed, her hand entwined with his.

She pulled on his hand before they sat down. “Nick?”

Turning, he said, “Yes, T--”

It was quick, but he felt her lips on his for a fleeting moment, full of softness and emotion.

He tried not to look as surprised as he felt but it was impossible to ignore the tingling on his lips.

“Thank you. For coming down. I’m not sure how long I would’ve lasted before I completely became a puddle of uselessness.” She smiled, her eyes still tear-filled. “I’m glad you’re here.”

He tightened his hold on her hand. “So am I.”

********

“Matty, are you thirsty? How about a Bloody Mary? Or a whiskey sour?” JC called out to the toddler in the next room as he prepared himself a drink to take with breakfast.

“No, no blood Matty. Yuck. Orange juice,” Matty called out, riveted by the animated movie playing before him. “And pa cor.”

“Did you say popcorn, dude?” JC called out, leaning back to look at his nephew from the fridge. “I don’t think you can have popcorn for breakfast.”

“Yes pa cor Matty,” he nodded to his uncle, his hair a veritable afro of morning bedhead. “Daddy say yes.”

JC’s eyes narrowed. “You little con man. Your dad would never say yes to popcorn for breakfast.”

Matty put his hands over his mouth and giggled. “I know. You funny Unca C.”

JC couldn’t help but laugh. As exhausting as it was to babysit a crazy two-year-old, especially one that had Carter genes in him, some days Matty just reminded him so much of his baby sister, it was hard to not smile around him.

“What’s so funny?” Leigh asked as she walked into the kitchen.

“Matty. I’ve just decided he has enough of Nick’s sense of humor and Faith’s charm that he’s about the funniest dude I’ve met in a while.”

Leigh shook her head. “JC, it’s all Faith. Have you heard Nick’s jokes? He’s lucky he’s blonde. And easy on the eyes.”

JC grinned and leaned over to give Leigh a kiss on the cheek. “Can I get you a drink? I was just grabbing Matty and myself some OJ.”

Leigh shook her head. “No, but thanks. I have to get to the office. Where’s Damon? Hey Matty!”

“Leigh Leigh! I watch Nemo!” the little boy called from the other room.

“Okay buddy. I’m going to stay here with your uncle, okay?” Leigh said, peeking into the living room. “Nice ‘fro, Matty.”

Matty smiled at her distractedly. “I cool.”

“I gave Damon the day off,” JC told Leigh as she settled on the barstool across from him. “I was home anyway.”

“Hear anything from Baltimore yet?”

JC shook his head. Aside from the one message from Nick early in the morning telling him that the surgery went well and they were just waiting for Tasha’s dad to wake up, he had no other news. “As far as I know, Tasha’s dad is stable. Nick said he’ll call once her dad wakes up. So far, things are looking up though.”

“Good, good.” Leigh said, looking at JC with a knowing grin. “So. Nick and Tasha, huh?”

JC groaned and dropped his head on the table. “Dammit. I knew there was a reason I don’t like making bets with you.”

Leigh opened her hand and told JC, “Pay up, old man.”

“The battle’s not over yet, Leigh. Nick’s fighting it. I can still win.”

“Come on. Who travels six hours--on a private chartered plane no less--to Baltimore for someone they’ve only known for, what, a month? Please, JC.”

“You’re too cocky for a pregnant lady. You’re lucky we’re friends.” JC grumbled as he pulled a twenty-dollar bill from his wallet and dropped it on her outstretched hand. “Remind me again why we made that bet?”

“Because you didn’t think that Nick would break his own rules and fall in love. And because I think he would, if the right person came along.”

“We don’t know if this is love though. It may just be...you know...the horny one eyed monster in his pants.”

Leigh raised an eyebrow. “You want to bet on that?”

“Jesus, no, stop trying to take my money,” JC scoffed. “I did help you win this one though. Flirting with Tash, making Nick jealous...you know.” He gave her an exaggerated wink.

“Psh. Amateur,” she told him with a smile. “Nick wasn’t jealous. I don’t think he realizes what’s happening yet.”

“Then technically you haven’t won the bet yet.”

“Jace, there’s a difference between wanting to be the good guy, like Nick is on a regular basis, and wanting to be someone’s hero.” Leigh explained. “If he wanted to be a good guy, he would check in on Tasha every few hours, to make sure she was okay. But he flew to Baltimore, chartered his own plane, just so he could be there with her and hold her hand. If that’s not a hero, I don’t know what is.”

JC gave Leigh an amused look. “They’re not going to fall in love just because he’s a hero, Leigh.”

“No, but they will fall in love once Nick realizes she’s saving him as well.”

**********

Tasha let the rush of hot water crash over her overtired body and was certain that this was the first time in her life that she’d thoroughly appreciated a hot shower. Being in the hospital until 5 AM, tense and worried about her father did nothing for her nerves. Thank goodness for Nick and his presence.

She had been waiting with Nick for a few hours before her dad’s doctor came out and assured them that the surgery went well and not only was the source of his seizures fixed, there was also proof that his tumor was shrinking at a healthy pace. When he recovers and wakes up from the surgery, his doctor would talk to all of them about further treatment options.

They were ushered out of the hospital soon after that, though. The NICU had limited visiting hours and her dad was to stay there in recovery for at least a few days. He’d had major brain surgery after all.

“You both need to rest,” Rose, her dad’s nurse, told them, as she led them to the elevators. “Jeff will be sedated until the swelling from his surgery lessens and then he should wake up. Even then, the NICU is closed to visitors until 2 PM. You can return then.”

“You will call me if he wakes up before then, won’t you, Rose?’ Tasha pressed the older woman before the elevator doors closed.

“Of course, dear. Now you and your boyfriend go get sleep so you can come in refreshed later this afternoon.”

Surprised, Tasha shook her head. “Oh, but Nick isn’t my b--” The elevator doors closing cut off her statement. She felt her face turn red in embarrassment. “--oyfriend.”

To his credit, Nick didn’t make a big deal out of it. He looked at her, smiled and gave her the barest hint of a wink.

They got to the hotel after a five minute walk. When she arrived in Baltimore a few days before, she decided to cancel the original reservation at the Ritz Carlton and checked in at the nearby Best Western, which Nick grumbled about all five minutes of the walk over from the hospital.

She left him at the front desk to get his own room and went straight for the shower. It was by far the best decision she’d made in the last few days.

She still couldn’t get over the fact that Nick was here, in Baltimore, with her. After that morning waking up at the beach house patio, with his hand on her bare breast and another cupping her behind, she was certain he was going to stay far away from her.

Today, he not only surprised her by flying to be with her on what was quite possibly the most exhausting night of her life, but he also calmed her down, made her laugh and touched her enough to make her feel like she wasn’t alone.

And all in a span of three hours.

She frowned as she rinsed the soap from her body. She didn’t want to overthink this whole Nick thing but it was just so easy to depend on him, to rely on him to make things better. She was starting to forget that she’d been thoroughly happy independent, making her own decisions, relying on herself for everything.

But now, here he was, a pillar of support and friendship and if she wasn’t careful, she was going to expect so much more.

She turned off the shower and grabbed the towel to dry off quickly. She wanted to talk to Nick before he passed out in his hotel room and tell him she didn’t need him to be here. At least not for long. Matty should be missing him and he must have a million things he needed to take care of...and where was her underwear?

Wrapping one towel on her head to keep the wet hair at bay, she wrapped herself with another, remembering that she’d left her bag of toiletries and underwear on the bed.

The TV was blaring the early morning news as she walked into the room. Funny, she didn’t remember turning it on before taking her shower.

“Please, for the love of God, don’t accidentally drop your towel.”

She whipped her head to the other end of the room where she’d heard Nick’s voice. He had quite comically covered his eyes with both hands and was sitting at the edge of the untouched bed close to the window.

Tasha would’ve laughed if she wasn’t so self-conscious. “What the hell--Nick!”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I thought you heard me come in, they didn’t have any rooms so I came to tell you but your door was open and I just waited until you were done...”

She clutched the towel around her body and grabbed her clothes and toiletries. “Wait hang on, I’ll put some clothes on.”

She was already smiling by the time she ducked back into the bathroom. Nick, the consummate professional and one time groupie magnet, was afraid of a half-naked woman. Her.

She emerged after a few minutes, her hair brushed, her pajamas securely on and her tank top covering everything that needed to be covered.

“Can I open my eyes now?”

Tasha had to laugh at that. “Yes, Nicky.”

He saw her amused look and smiled. “You know you shouldn’t leave your door open like that.”

“And you know better than come into a girl’s room uninvited.”

Nick sighed. “But...but....your eyes, they were so inviting, babe.”

For a second, she thought he was serious, then she saw the teasing glint in his eyes. “Did that line ever work on anyone, Carter?”

Nick’s smile was slow and teasing. “I’m out of practice, Tash. Give me some credit for trying.”

She walked over to him and plopped down next to him on the bed. “Did the concierge say no rooms?”

“No rooms, not even their honeymoon suite.” Nick turned to her incredulously. “I didn’t even think this place had a honeymoon suite.”

“Don’t be a snob, Nick. These are perfectly good accommodations for four days.”

“But the Ritz, they have a TV in the bathroom. Who doesn’t want a TV in the bathroom?”

Her shoulders gently pushed his. “Nobody really cares if you have a TV in the bathroom, Nick,” she said dryly. “You former popstars have a really skewed view of reality.”

Nick laughed and put an arm around her shoulders companionably, tiredly. “You smell good.”

“You need some sleep.” She touched his face, her fingers feeling the scruff of his five-o’clock shadow. “Just stay here. There’s two beds, no need to find a hotel at this hour.”

 Nick leaned back and turned his attention to the TV. “That’s probably not a good idea.”

“Because you snore?”

“Like a donkey in heat.”

A snort escaped her lips before she could stop herself. Nick looked at her and at the same exact moment, they both cracked up, laughing for so long, Tasha had to clutch her stomach because it hurt from all the giggling.

“That was sexy,” Nick said with a wink and dropped a kiss on her head. It was a good feeling, relaxing with Nick and the fact that they could enjoy companionable silence together, even as they watch the early morning Baltimore news.

“How…uh, how long are you planning on staying? Not that I want you to go or anything.” She didn’t dare look at him in case her eyes gave away anything she didn’t want to.

“I’m here as long as you need me, Tash.”

Such an irresistible offer. “That’s the thing,” she said, “What about Matty? And all the things you’re busy with in Malibu?”

His brows furrowed. “What about them?”

Her hand touched his leg in reassurance. “I love that you’re here, Nick, I do. But I’m feeling guilty about taking you away from all that.”

“Tash---”

“Why are you here? With me?”

The question seemed to catch Nick by surprise. Pulling his arm off her shoulders, he looked like he was about to walk off. Instead he took a minute, looked at Tasha patiently waiting for an answer and ran his hands through his hair multiple times.

“I don’t know.” He locked his deep blue eyes with her brown ones. “We talked, you sounded like you needed someone, and I hopped on a plane to be with you. To help.”

She nodded. To help. Tasha pulled her knees closer to her chest and hugged them with both hands, a part of her trying to protect herself from him and the feelings he seemed to always stir in her when he was around.

“Thank you, Nick.” She looked at him, her smile not quite reaching her eyes. “I can’t even tell you how much you being here makes everything better. But you’re already helping me with my career. You helping me with my personal life, I’m afraid...”

Nick frowned when he saw her avoiding his eyes. “Afraid of what, Tash?”

“I’m afraid I’m going to start relying on you and when this is over...” She looked up at him and said bluntly, “You’re going to break my heart.”

Nick looked taken aback at the last statement.

“Nick, I’ve been alone and on my own for five years. I can take care of myself and my father. But no one’s been there for me in a while and I can’t...” She paused and swallowed. “I can’t risk getting too used to it. It’s one thing to rescue me from the bowels of jazz lounge singing...but this...you, here. I don’t know what this is. We’re friends, I know, but you hold me like I’m more than that, you talk to me like I mean something to you. Do I?”

 “I don’t know,” Nick answered helplessly. “I just...I wanted to be here for you. With you.” He looked away and stood up, just to give them some distance. “Don’t make me overthink this, Tash. We’re friends, we shouldn’t have to explain why we do the things we do for each other.”

“Then why were you avoiding me? Before we ran into each other on your patio the other night, you didn’t even want to be in a room with me alone.”

Nick shook his head. “That’s not true.”

“It’s true and you know it. And it started that night in the studio. You didn’t even show up at the Ellen Show the next day. What am I supposed to think?”

“Jesus, Tasha. I don’t want to talk about this.” His hands rested on his waist in frustration. “What do you want from me? Do you want me to leave? I can leave right now.”

“No!” Tasha sat up on the bed and touched his arm. “I just want you to understand, Nick. This thing? You being here? It feels so good it scares me. And if this is you being a good manager, I want you to tell me now so I don’t feed this infatuation I have for you any more than I have to.”

Nick looked at her in silence as he absorbed her words.

It was a full minute before Tasha decided to just abandon the conversation altogether. “Okay, you know what? I’m overly emotional and probably just need some rest.” She started to get off the bed and stand next to Nick. “The bed’s all yours. Actually, the room’s all yours. I’m going for a walk.”

As she turned to head to the door, Nick caught her hand and pulled her to him. Tasha turned with a frown and said, “Don’t worry I’m not--”

“Shut up.” He said the words low in his throat before he grabbed the back of her head and lowered his mouth to hers.

Tasha’s first instinct was to push him away. She did. She tried. But the rough feel of his lips against hers and the overwhelming sensation of his fingers buried in her hair, keeping her in place, felt like an electric charge to her whole body.

He devoured her mouth like he’d been hungry for the taste of her for years. He’d coaxed her lips open and she complied, the feel of his tongue too good of a temptation to resist. Her hands moved from his chest to around his neck and her fingers through his hair, pulling him closer. She needed him closer.

Her knees were weak by the time they broke apart, breathless, so his arm went around her waist to steady her.

“I can’t stay away, baby. I tried,” he breathed against her ear. “Jesus, I tried.”

Tasha pulled his head down and captured his bottom lip and lightly nipped. He took in a sudden breath and tightened his hold on her, raising her up so she could wrap her legs around his waist.

She was getting lost in the feel of him, of the way shots of heat came over her every time his tongue flicked hers, every time his hand touched her skin, every time they rocked closer to each other.

“So sweet,” he murmured against her neck, his breathing laboured, kissing the skin over her throbbing pulse, not wanting to let go.

“Don’t stop,” she breathed, her eyes closed, turning her head and almost lost her mind as soon as she felt his tongue playfully, hotly, tracing the shape of her ear.

Her legs tightened around his hips when her hands started working on the buttons of his shirt. His fingers lifted her tank top so he could feel the softness of her skin and locked his lips with hers again.

She didn’t really know how long they kissed--a minute or an hour, but soon his hands made its way down to her bottom, cupping it and raising it so it slid against his erection.

How she landed with her back on the bed and Nick above her, she didn’t know. She didn’t really care. No thinking, just feeling. And everything felt so good.

Nick lifted his head to look at her, his eyes intensely focused on the blush on her cheeks and her bruised mouth. He ravaged that mouth, and he looked like he wanted to do so much more.

“Shirt. Off,” she demanded, pushing the fabric off his shoulders. Her hands landed on his chest, exploring the tight muscles.

“Yes ma’am,” he answered huskily, tossing his shirt aside and proceeded to lift her tank top off her as well. “Your turn, baby.”

She complied, her eyes closed against the feel of his hands suddenly on her breasts, at first caressing, then playfully pinching her nipples. That combined with his mouth practically eating hers up, she was so much closer to losing her mind than she thought.

He wasn’t gentle. His hot touch made her think he was angry and unbelievably impatient. As he practically tore her pajama bottoms off her, he captured her nipple in his mouth. His hands were everywhere, touching her inner thigh, smoothing the hot flesh on her belly.

“We should stop,” Nick breathed against her mouth before biting into her lower lip, his knuckles grazing the edge of her panties.

Her hips rose against his hand. “We should?” she asked after stifling a moan.

His knuckles moved over underwear, applying gentle pressure on her. Her hips rose again. “Now. Before I--”

Her hand closed on the throbbing erection inside his pants.

He covered her hand with his own quickly, closing his eyes against the sensation. “Tasha...”

“Just kiss me, Nick.”

Murmuring a low curse, he obliged and took her mouth for another searing kiss.

And it was a long time before either of them stopped.

 

 

Chapter 15

Tasha Callaghan was going to be the death of him...in the very best way.

Turning off his phone’s alarm, Nick dropped it on the bedside table and rubbed his eyes open. He hadn’t slept that soundly in months and minus a minor crick in his neck, his body was unbelievably relaxed.

Images from their not-so-short interlude from earlier that morning started replaying in his mind. Her responsiveness to his touch, the fire in her eyes when he teased her, the way they fit perfectly together...it was almost like a dream. Almost.

He felt movement underneath the sheets beside him, the touch of a hand on his stomach and a leg sliding between his. Nick smiled and caressed the mass of dark hair tucked next to him. 

“I’m cold,” Tasha whispered against his neck, straightening to find a comfortable spot on his chest.

He pulled her closer to him the same time he covered both of them with a thicker blanket. Underneath the sheets, he angled his body so his front was against hers, one leg curved over hers possessively.

“Better?” he murmured, running his fingers against the rise of her hips.

“Mmm hmm,” she said, looking up and opening her eyes slightly to give him a sleepy smile. “Thank you.”

Nick dipped his head and dropped a soft kiss on her lips. “Anytime.”

She closed her eyes and buried her face on his chest, fully intending to go back to sleep. Nick couldn’t really let that happen so he leisurely let his hand travel to the swell of her buttocks and pinched.

Tasha yelped in surprise and practically jumped off the mattress. Her eyes popped open and automatically swatted his shoulder.

Laughing, he caught her arm and dropped a kiss on the inside of her wrist. “Wakey wakey, baby.”

“There are better ways to wake me up, you know,” Tasha grumbled, feigning pain by rubbing her backside. “Instead of injuring me.”

He took her face in both his hands. “What a crybaby.” Dropping a kiss on her nose, he asked “Should I kiss it and make it better?”

“No, just--” She thought the better of it and looked back at him in mock seriousness. “Well maybe one kiss. To speed up the healing process and everything.”

“Is that your professional medical opinion?” he asked with (very serious) narrowed eyes.

“I’ve been around doctors and nurses all of two days, so I say,” she pronounced, wrapping her arms around his neck, “Yes.”

He laughed and caressed her temple lightly with his thumb. “Did you sleep well?”

She smiled as she pushed a lock of blonde hair off his forehead. “Mmm hmm. You?”

“Like a baby,” he said softly, fascinated by the pink on her cheeks. “Regrets?” he asked lightly, looking straight into her eyes.

“No regrets,” she told him softly. “We do have to talk about this at some point.”

Nick’s slow grin was decidedly evil. “Not right now, we don’t. Not when I have a medical emergency to attend to.” He then dropped his head down to her collarbone, fully intending to make his way down to where he had pinched her, with maybe a few stops along the way.

He felt her fingers through his hair as he kissed and licked his way down to her left breast. The taste of her skin intoxicated him. If he had his way, he would taste every single part of her over and over. Maybe he could start right now.

“Nick, wait, we gotta go. It’s 1:30,” she said breathlessly, lifting his head from her chest. “I have to shower.”

His hands grabbed hers and held it down on either side of her. “Give me a few minutes,” he said before his mouth closed in on her nipple.

She gasped in surprise. “Nick,” she managed to say, “We don’t have time.”

He let go of her hands but grasped her bottom as he sat up, taking her up with him, her legs conveniently settling on either side of his waist. His gaze was intense. “Play now, shower later.” He  gave her an evil grin before he raised her up so his mouth was level to her right breast. “God, you taste good,” he whispered before his tongue went in gentle circles around her nipple. She bucked against him as he closed in on her aroused peak with his teeth.

Her protests were weakening. “Nick, we need to be at the hospital...oh God.” Her fingers clutched his hair in an effort to stay upright and not melt completely on the bed.

Then he stopped. “I have an idea.”

Tasha blinked. “I’m sorry?” She was adorable when she looked confused. Making sure he had a firm grip on her bare bottom and her legs were tight around his waist, he stood up and made his way to the bathroom. “Hang on, baby.”

She pulled his mouth to hers as he tried to turn on the water to the shower head. For a second they forgot their purpose for being there, so engrossed they were in kissing and devouring each other.

Nick pulled away and grinned. “Your shower awaits,” he declared huskily, pulling both of them inside the darkened stall.

As the water beat down on both of them, Tasha sighed, “You’re a genius.”

And it took a little more than thirty minutes for them to fully celebrate the brilliance of his idea.

**********

Nick Carter was going to be the death of her.

Oh sure, kissing him was phenomenal. He knew how to nip her lower lip in a way that made her mind go blank. He knew that whispering dirty things in her ear can get her turned on as fast as any touch. And he knew that somehow, they fit. Perfectly. Deliriously wonderfully perfectly.

Tasha was also sure that by the end of the day, she would have a permanent blush staining her cheeks the more she thought about them together.

Not that she was complaining. Their five minute walk to the NICU from the hotel turned to fifteen, with them stopping for stolen kisses in covert corners and him whispering in her ear exactly what he was going to do to her the next time they were alone. Her pulse was constantly humming from the stimulus of him and his words.

Checking in with Rose thirty minutes late, she was told that her father wasn’t awake yet, but he should be soon. His doctors would be making their rounds in half an hour and Tasha can get an update then.

In the meantime, they made a quick trip to the Starbucks in the lobby for a much needed caffeine break and late lunch.

“How do you feel about cake pops?” she asked as they peered at the glass display from a distance. Thankfully only four other people were ahead of them so they should be caffeinated in no time.

Nick kept her as close as he can, with his arms around her waist as she stood in front of him. “I feel very strongly about cake pops. In any and all situations.”

She smiled up at him. “Even for lunch?”

“Especially for lunch. I may order fifteen.” He rested his head on her left shoulder so he could see what she was seeing. “And maybe a few of those bear claws. I’m starving.”

“Nick, if you get that much sugar and start channeling your crazy toddler son, I WILL smack you,” Tasha threatened half-seriously. “I’m already exhausted, no thanks to you.”

“Why, you’re welcome, baby,” he cooed and kissed her cheek.

“How about sandwiches instead?”

He shrugged. “I don’t care. I just need you to feed me, woman,” he demanded with a growl and a nip to her ear.

“Nick, is that you?” a voice behind them said in surprise.

She felt him cringe and tighten his hold around her protectively.

They turned at the same time. When Nick realized who it was, he released her immediately and put some distance between them. As he stepped away from her, his body stiffened, as if bracing for impact.

“Oh son, it is you!” An older lady with a familiar smile started walking to them from the other end of the lobby. “Roy, get over here, I told you it was him.”

“Goddammit,” she heard him whisper under his breath. But to them he smiled, hesitantly. “Hey Mom, Dad.”

Tasha was confused. Nick hadn’t spoken to his parents in ten years. And besides, they looked nothing like she remembered from magazine photos way back in the day.

“What are you doing here?” the lady asked as she approached them and gave Nick a tight hug. “I didn’t realize you were coming back to Baltimore so soon!”

Her husband came up right behind her and took Nick into a bear hug of his own. “Nick! Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes. I thought we weren’t seeing you ‘til Thanksgiving!”

“It was a last minute trip, I just got here last night,” he explained, motioning to Tasha. “I’m here with my friend Tasha.”

He turned to her and started the introductions. “Tasha, these are Matty’s grandparents, Karen and Roy. Guys, this is Tasha.”

Realization dawned in the form of two members of the Chasez clan. No wonder they both looked familiar. Their pictures were scattered all over Nick’s house.

“It’s a pleasure to meet both of you,” Tasha greeted warmly, giving Nick a sidelong glance and wondering why he kept moving away. “Matty talks about you both nonstop, I feel like I already know you.”

“Are you THE Tasha? The same one JC’s been talking about?” Roy asked with a smile. “He sent me your songs, you have some strong pipes right there.”

“Oh thank you, Mr. Chasez,” Tasha responded with a laugh. “It’s not only me though, JC and Nick here make me sound good.”

“Oh please, honey, call me Roy.”

“How long are you both in town for? Oh! Why don’t you have dinner at the house tonight? I can make your favourite, Nick, my pot roast,” Karen said excitedly, touching Nick’s arm.

“Oh hush, Karen, these two probably have plans.”

“No, no,” Nick cut in, “We don’t but we’re here because of Tasha’s dad and--”

Karen’s hand went to the base of her throat. “Oh honey, is your dad okay?”

Tasha nodded quickly. “He’s recovering from brain surgery. We’re waiting to see him at the NICU any moment now.”

Karen came forward and enveloped her in the tightest, warmest hug. “We’ll be praying for your papa, Tasha. I hope he recovers soon so we get to meet him too.”

Tasha returned the embrace with solemn gratitude.

“Why are you guys here? Is everything okay? Did you see the doctor for something?” Nick asked, concerned.

Roy shook his head. “One of the guys from my office had a heart attack and we were here visiting, just to make sure he was recovering well. Your mom and I, we’re fit enough to run marathons, don’t you worry.”

Karen reached up and fixed the collar on Nick’s plaid shirt. “We were just on our way to the cemetery to drop off some flowers for Faith.” Tasha saw Nick’s hands curl involuntarily at his side. “Do you want us to pass along a message? I was just going to tell her about your Dad’s retirement party.”

Nick smile was haunted. “No, but thank you, Mom. I, uh, I caught her up on everything in my last visit.” Just then, Tasha heard an unmistakable hitch in Nick’s voice.

Karen smiled as she touched Nick’s cheek. “I’ll tell her you’re here, in any case.” She gave him a warm kiss on the cheek and another hug. “Call me if you change your mind about dinner. Love you, son.”

Nick nodded and returned her hug tenfold by lifting the smaller woman off the floor. “Love you too, Mom.”

“This was a damn good surprise.” Roy hugged Nick next. “We’ve missed you. Give my grandson a big hug from his pops, okay?”

Nick smiled as he lingered against Roy for a few heartbeats. “Yes sir.”

With parting hugs to Tasha and promises to see them at Thanksgiving, they were gone as quickly as they arrived.

“They seemed nice,” Tasha commented, sincerely happy at the chance to have met them, “They don’t remind me of JC at all. But Faith and Karen have the same eyes, I think, from the pictures I’ve seen.” Hooking a finger on Nick’s belt loop, she turned to him and asked, “Ready for some caffeine? Which sandwich do you want?”

He didn’t move from his spot, deep in thought, still watching as Karen and Roy exited the building holding hands.

Tasha’s brows furrowed in worry. “Hey,” she said softly, touching his cheek, “What’s wrong?”

He turned to her as if he suddenly remembered she was there. “Tash.”

She gave him a slight smile. “I’m right here. Are you okay?”

He shook his head as if to clear it. “Yeah.” He gave her a half smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes and dropped a kiss on her forehead. “Yeah. Sorry, they surprised me, that’s all. Lunch. We were talking about lunch.” He walked with her to the counter and grabbed a couple of sandwiches from the display case. “Hey, look, a veggie wrap. Do you want one? It looks pretty good.”

“Sure,” Tasha answered, noticing a shift in his mood. “Can you grab me some water too?”

He nodded and placed their sandwiches on the counter. As Nick gave the barista their drink orders, Tasha stood back and watched him, noting his suddenly tense shoulders and nervous tapping on the wood surface. Seeing his in-laws clearly rattled him more than he wanted to admit to her.

They walked back to the NICU waiting room in silence. Nick looked preoccupied and although he had kept a tight hold on her waist, he seemed a million miles away.

Tasha tried to understand what was going on but the intense concentration Nick gave at looking out the window didn’t lend to easy conversation.

“So have you guys always been close? You and Karen and Roy?” she asked quietly.

“Hmm?” Nick turned back to her. “Sorry, what was your question?”

“I was wondering if you’ve always been close with your in-laws. You guys seem to have a great relationship.”

Nick nodded, looking back out the window. “Pretty much since Faith and I started seeing each other. They’re a tight family and when Faith brought me home to meet them, they’d made me feel like I’ve been a Chasez all my life.” He gave her a half-smile. “They’re more my parents than my real mother and father were.”

She placed her hand over his as it rested on his knee. “They must be pretty wonderful.”

“They’re exceptional,” Nick confirmed. “I’m glad you got to meet them.” With that, he entwined his fingers with hers and squeezed tight. “You may need to put up with my moodiness for a while, Tash,” he told her apologetically. “I haven’t thought about Faith in a while and seeing them just...” He paused, trying to find the words.

Tasha nodded, brushing some hair off the side of his face. “Do you want to talk about it? About Faith?”

He looked away, not answering but kept his fingers entwined with hers. Tasha decided she was going to give him time. Too many things had happened since he arrived--was it just twelve hours ago?--the least she could do for both of them was to allow some room to think.

Looking down at their clasped hands, Tasha smoothed her fingers on the back of his, offering a semblance of comfort, support. Pretty soon, she noticed the outline of a ring on his ring finger. Curious, she traced it with her thumb, wondering how recent it was that he finally took off his wedding band.

“Six weeks ago.”

Tasha looked up to see him blankly looking at their hands together. “Sorry?”

“I took off my wedding band six weeks ago.” Looking up at her, he gave her a sad smile. “The same day I met you.”

Tasha leaned back in surprise.

“It was my first time back in Baltimore in a year,” he said quietly. “And the first thing I did was visit Faith’s grave. It was the anniversary of her death and I wanted...” He shrugged as he took a deep breath. “I told her I needed to let her go. To move on, for Matty. For my sanity. I left my wedding band on her tombstone and promised to bring Matty back when he was old enough.”

She tightened her hold on his hand.

“Then I went to the lounge, intending to get rip roaring drunk for the next five days. But there you were: all hope and sadness and sincerity all in one beautiful package.” He turned to look directly into her eyes. “You saved me that night, Tash.”

It was quite possibly the most beautiful thing anyone had ever said to her. And the saddest. With tears brimming in her eyes, she touched his cheek and kissed his lips softly.

“Tasha?” a voice behind her called out. “The doctors want to speak with you. Do you have a minute?”

Tasha and Nick looked up and saw Rose, her eyes apologetic at cutting into this obviously private moment.

“Yeah, one sec.” She turned to Nick and asked, her voice thick with emotion, “You’ll be okay for a bit?”

Nick nodded. “Go on, see your dad. I’ll be right here.” He kissed the back of her hand before letting her go. “We’ll talk later.”

Tasha nodded, wiped the moisture that was threatening to drop from her eyes and stood to follow Rose into the secure NICU area.

So many thoughts were racing through Tasha’s head, so much more she wanted to know. JC and Leigh had always been unwilling to talk about Faith, because it was Nick’s story to tell, but she did understand that he’d been hesitant to move on. Nick, in the last six weeks that she’d known him, hardly mentioned his wife, just referred to her as Matty’s mom and a handful of times talked about how much she had changed him.

Then there was that episode in his studio, where he practically kicked them out of the room for playing a song that was so phenomenal, she wondered why the world hadn’t heard it. It was the first time she’d seen such raw emotion from Nick it was almost impossible to leave him. Since then, she’d been wondering what it was that triggered his anger, his distance from her.

She walked into her dad’s room, his bed surrounded by machines and cords attached to his body and wrapped head. There was a thin ray of light coming from the window, the drawn curtains lending to the somber atmosphere.

Her dad was still asleep, but colour had come back to his cheeks signaling a return to health.

Tasha smiled up at the two men in white coats next to his bed. “I hope you have good news.”

Both of them smiled back. Explaining that they had taken him off sedatives earlier that afternoon, they had run some tests when he woke up to make certain his brain function wasn’t affected. He had fallen asleep but would wake any moment. They also told her that if his healing progressed, he would be out of NICU and in his own room by tomorrow.

The tumor, they said, was shrinking as suspected. Due to this, his time in the clinical trial was numbered, only two more courses of medication in the next few months and he should be free and clear of the tumor. It was almost like a miracle, one of them said in disbelief.

They wanted her back to talk about after-trial care in a month or so, making sure that she was able to make plans to care for him after he was discharged from the Neuro Centre.

Relief and hope spread through her chest. Tears came back unbidden as well. It had been a hellish few days and with the emotional upheaval from Nick’s arrival, she was feeling a little vulnerable.

The doctors and Rose congratulated her before leaving her alone in the room, holding her dad’s hand. She could stay for a few minutes, Rose said, before visiting hours were over. “Come back tomorrow morning,” Rose said, after giving her a hug. “He should be back in his room then.”

Tasha held her dad’s hand for a few minutes, wishing she could talk to him.

“Tasha?” a hoarse voice from the bed murmured.

She looked up quickly, her dad’s eyes open but unfocused. “Daddy,” she breathed, tightening her hold on his hand. “How are you feeling?”

“Like a woodchipper cut my head in half,” he said, his voice broken. “Water.”

Tasha grabbed the water that was waiting on his bedside and let him drink from a straw. “You made me worry there, pops,” she said with a smile. “If you wanted to get out of watching Survivor reruns, you could’ve just said so.”

He offered her a rare smile. “Did I...”

She nodded, knowing what he was going to ask. “It was a seizure. They had to do surgery, to remove some fluid.” Tasha wiped her eyes dry, not wanting to worry him. “I’m loving the whole turban look you’re rocking, though.”

She felt him squeeze her hand. “I’m glad you’re here, pumpkin,” he said as he closed his eyes. Pumpkin. He hadn’t called her that in years.

Her eyes misted over again. “Me too, Daddy.”

At that she felt him slip into deep sleep.

********

Nick carefully sidestepped a puddle as he walked through the grass. He had been walking for what seemed like hours, leaving the hospital because he couldn’t stand to sit and let all the crazy images in his head start taking over again.

The clouds opened halfway through his walk and drenched him to the bone. He didn’t stop. He couldn’t. He was tormented by memories of Faith and his growing guilt.

“If I die before you,” Faith said dramatically one sunny afternoon before Matty was born, “I want you to find someone wonderful, Nick. Someone who understands your...uniqueness.”

Nick laughed and caressed his wife’s growing belly while they sat on the beach with her head on his lap. “I think you meant my ‘weirdness’, darling.”

“Your loveliness, your quirkiness, your gigantic...capacity for love,” she corrected with a laugh, closing her hand on his. “Promise me?”

Nick was lost in her eyes. “I’ll promise you anything, Faith.” He brushed some of her blonde hair off her face. “If I die before you do, don’t marry anyone, ever. Because I’m the only one who can love you this much,” he pronounced with a soft kiss to her lips.

He found himself outside the cemetery where Faith was buried, his head a mishmash of memories and apologies. He walked through the gates with purpose.

“I think you should do it,” she said as they settled into bed with a month old Matty in between them. “The world needs to hear your music, baby. You should do the tour.”

“I don’t have enough music for a full show,” Nick told her as he shaked his head. “And besides, who’d want to see a guy who used to be in a boy band?”

“Baby.” Her voice turned stern. “You’ve produced Grammy winning music for years. Everybody knows you’re a hit maker, not just a Backstreet Boy.” She kissed his forehead lovingly. “It’s your turn to shine.”

He shouldn’t have listened. He knew being away from his wife and newborn son, even though it was just a five-gig tour, would be torturous. His gut told him to postpone until the next summer, when both of them could travel with him, but his wife’s urging and his itch to be in front of an audience and sing again was too overwhelming.

“We’ll fly with you to Baltimore, watch your first show, and then wait for you at Mom and Dad’s,” Faith insisted. “Come home when you’re ready. We’ll be there.”

Lightning streaked through the ominously dark Baltimore skyline and the crack of thunder broke the silence around him. He didn’t really notice, in his single minded determination to reach Faith’s grave site.

Then came the voice that was his undoing.

“Nick, I’m a block away from the venue,” Faith’s laughing voice came through his phone like a breath of fresh air. “Matty wouldn’t sleep. I should be there soon. Are you nervous?”

He breathed a sigh of relief. His nerves had been getting the best of him and needed to hold Faith to calm himself down before his first show in eight years. “Insanely. Park out front, I’m in the dressing room. I need to hug you.”

“You are going to be wonderful, baby. I love you. And see you in---” The words were cut off as the sound of metal on metal reverberated in his ears, as well as the sound of Faith’s sudden intake of breath.

Nick didn’t remember much from that moment, just the fact that the same sound of metal scraping came from outside the building he was in. He ran, knowing deep down that something was wrong but wishing to God he was stuck in a dream.

He lost his breath as he stopped short in front of a pile of tangled steel just outside the club he was scheduled to play. Right under the marquee that said “Nick Carter Live” was the familiar looking Mini Cooper, upside down and wrapped around a collapsed trailer of a freight truck that looked like it crashed into the empty building next door.

It was at that moment that Nick’s life tilted on its axis. Nothing had been the same after that.

He shook his head at the memory, controlling the growing anger...at any god that allowed his son to lose his mother so soon, at his own bad decisions that caused his wife’s death, at anything really that he could blame for losing the love of his life.

He reached the tombstone that read “Faith Chasez-Carter. Wife. Daughter. Mother. Sister. Beloved angel” and collapsed on his knees.

“I’m sorry, Faith,” Nick said quietly, his tears mingling with the torrential rain. “But I don’t know if I can let you go.”

*********

“I’m so glad your dad’s going to be okay, Tash,” Leigh said with relief over Facetime. “We were worried for him.”

Tasha distractedly changed the channel and burrowed deeper under her blanket in her room. She gave Leigh a distracted smile. “Me too. It’s been an interesting few days to say the least.”

“How’s Nick? Is he any help to you at all or is he in the way? Say the word and we’ll haul his ass back here if he’s too much trouble.”

“No, he’s fine. It’s...fine.” Tasha clicked the power button on the remote and sighed. “We’re fine.”

Tasha was sure Leigh’s sixth sense could smell bullshit all the way from California. “Just ‘fine’? You look like you either want to strangle him or drown him in the nearest lake.”

Tasha shrugged, but her worry lines still showed. “Maybe the second option. Strangling takes too much effort and I’m exhausted.”

Leigh laughed as she scooped ice cream into her mouth. “I feel that way about Howie most days.” In the background, Tasha heard a high pitched ‘hey!’. “You know it’s true, babe. Can you get me more ice cream? I think rocky road this time. And can you drizzle some cherry coke on it?”

Tasha made a face and laughed. “You pregnant ladies and your weird cravings. Why don’t you just make it into a cherry coke float?”

“The cherry coke to ice cream ratio would be ridic. I’m very specific with my cravings. Otherwise, the baby complains.”

“How’s the baby, do you find out if it’s a he or a she soon?”

Leigh shook his head as she licked her spoon. “Dude, stop changing the subject. We were talking about giving Nick a dunking, Dexter style.”

“Forget it, I don’t want to talk about Nick.”

“What happened?” Leigh asked, concerned.

“Nothing happened. Just...let’s talk about something else. How’s your vacation planning? Still going to Paris?”

Leigh shook her head. “Where is Nick anyway?”

“I don’t know. I haven’t seen him since this afternoon.”

Leigh looked genuinely taken aback. “It must be close to 9 PM there. Where did he go?”

Tasha shook her head and pretended not to care. She was emotionally exhausted from the day with her dad, the day with Nick and now the nervous feeling in the pit of her stomach made her want to dropkick Nick in the groin for making her worry.

She did try to look for him. When she came out of her dad’s room and found the waiting room empty, she waited. After half an hour, she started to worry and went back to the hotel. Then she tried the Ritz as well as dropping by the lounge to see if Nick stopped by for drinks.

After running around Baltimore for hours, Nick was nowhere to be found. It was like he was never here, and save for the backpack he left in her room and his toothbrush in the bathroom, she felt like the last 24 hours was a dream.

She must’ve sent him over thirty messages and tried calling him hundreds of times. But he remained unreachable. Downing the last of her wine, she looked back at Leigh on her phone. “I honestly have no clue. We ran into his in-laws at the hospital and he disappeared after that.”

There was a knock on her door. “Hang on, Leigh. Pizza’s here. I’ll be right back.”

“Ooh, did you get one with anchovies? Dammit, now I want a pizza. Howie, darling! Can you go on a pizza run for the mother of your children?”

Tasha laughed. She knew talking to Leigh would make her feel better. She was always so positive, and always on her side. She needed to forget about the events this afternoon and focus on getting enough rest for tomorrow. She was sure she’ll be back in the hospital for the whole day, Nick or no Nick.

Grabbing her purse, she opened the door.

“Hi baby.”

Tasha’s eyes widened when Nick grabbed her by the waist and dropped a kiss on her lips.

She pushed him away when she got a whiff of...was that tequila?

“Nick,” she said in surprise, letting him through the door. “You need a shower. And a coffee.”

He did. His clothes were obviously still wet from the sudden earlier downpour and his eyes were bloodshot from whatever alcohol he ingested.

He smiled at her coyly and promptly walked to the bed and sat down. “I’m fine. I just had a couple of shots.”

“Define ‘a couple’?” Tasha was afraid of the answer, already starting to peel his clothes off him to get him ready for a hot shower.

“Are you joining me? Showering with you is sexy.” He whispered next to her ear as she helped him with the buttons of his shirt. “Sex-shu-al. I used to sing that.”

In spite of herself, Tasha smiled and allowed him to pull her onto his lap. “I remember. You were so cute in the video.”

Nick shook his head as he snaked his fingers underneath her tank top. “Not cute. Sex-shu-al. And I was a mummy. Mummies are NOT cute.”

“Mmm hmm.” His shirt was off so she stood up off his lap and pulled him to his feet. “Come on, you sexy mummy. Hot shower. Doctor’s orders.”

Nick stood his ground, his eyes not quite meeting hers. “I can’t. I have to go. Now.”

Tasha frowned. “Go where?”

He turned and grabbed his backpack from behind her. “Airport. I got a jet on standby,” he said, pulling on a fresh shirt and ran a hand through his hair. “Jeez, my hair is a disaster.”

“You’re leaving?” She felt her heart drop to her stomach. Something was wrong, she can feel it. “Are you okay, Nick? Where were you? I was worried.”

“Walking. Thinking. I need to brush my teeth.” He walked to the bathroom, leaving her standing by the bed, surprised.

She followed him to the next room. “Are you going back to Malibu?”

He nodded, brushing his teeth vigorously. “I have...” He spit into the sink. “Things to sort out.” He resumed brushing but this time ran a comb through his hair using his free hand.

“Are you...Nick, look at me for a minute, I’m trying to talk to you.” As understanding as she wanted to be at that moment, he was just pissing her off with his blatant disregard for her and her presence.

“I’m brushing my teeth, Tash.” He looked at her through the mirror. “And I need to piss.”

Tasha turned around and walked out of the bathroom in frustration. First he disappears for hours and now...well now he was acting like a jackass.

A minute later he walked out and said, “You can stay as long as you want. I’ve already paid for your stay til next week. JC has a few songs he wants you to work on but he’ll call you tomorrow. I need you back in Malibu for the cover photoshoot next Thursday though.” Dropping his toothbrush into his backpack, he surveyed the room to see if he left anything. “You’ll bring back anything I leave behind, won’t you?”

Tasha crossed her arms over her chest, conveniently blocking the door with her body. “So that’s it? You swoop in in the middle of the night, pretend you came here for me, have sex with me TWICE, and disappear? Was that your plan?”

Nick put on his sunglasses. “It was just sex, Tash. We were two adults who wanted to have a good time.”

Tasha fought back the sudden urge to give in to tears at his words. Her hands started shaking in indignation. “Jesus, Nick.”

He walked up to her and touched her arm. “I never promised you a future, Tash. We were emotional, it was bound to happen.”

“And I never asked you to come down to Baltimore to be with me. Why did you?”

He shrugged. “I was trying to be a good friend, Tash. Now will you let me leave? My pilot’s not going to wait much longer.”

“Oh your pilot’s feelings are more important over mine? Who am I exactly to you, Nick?” She wasn’t going to cry. She wasn’t going to cry.

“We’re friends.”

“Are you sure? Because it sure felt like more than that earlier this morning.”

“Don’t be crude, Tash. I can’t be more than friends with you. I’m married.” With that, he raised his left hand, showing off the wedding band that didn’t exist earlier that day.

Tasha’s hand flew to her mouth in shock. “Nick,” she whispered. “Faith has been dead for two years.”

He grasped her arm to pull her out of his way. “That doesn’t mean I should keep cheating on her. I won’t. Tasha, I need to LEAVE.”

“Nick, you weren’t cheating on her,” she whispered, touching his chest.

He pulled her hands off him. “Goddammit, Tasha. What do you want from me? One last fuck for old time’s sake? Take off your panties then, it’ll be quick.” He backed her into the door and ground into her with his hips. “But I won’t be gentle this time.” He cupped her breasts roughly. “Come on. I don’t have all night.”

Tasha’s hand made contact with his cheek---hard. “Fuck. You.” With that she pushed him off her and moved out of his way. “Get out.”

With one last look at her, he was gone.

From a few feet away, Tasha barely heard Leigh’s succinct curse. She had heard everything. “Carter, you motherfucker.”

 

 

Chapter 16

“Who did you say looked at this contract before you signed it, pumpkin?” Tasha’s dad asked her as she wheeled him out of the Neuro Centre for some fresh air before dinner. He was looking through her talent management contract with Nick and his management company, looking for loopholes, at her request.

The last week had been an emotional rollercoaster for Tasha, not only because of what happened with Nick but because her dad was finally FINALLY starting to return to his old self and beginning to heal. It was nothing short of a miracle.

During the days she spent as much time with her father as she could: visiting, performing in front of him and his friends in the Neuro wing with her guitar while they had lunch, telling him stories about the people she’d met in Malibu. They’d even started making plans for his future.

She did try to keep her personal problems to herself. Her dad didn’t need to hear about how stupid and used she felt after her confrontation with Nick. He didn’t need to know that since that night, she hadn’t slept peacefully, with the thought of seeing him again approaching quicker than she had any control over.

She shook her wayward thoughts and went back to the question at hand. They were turning into the park attached to the cluster of buildings and she was thankful the weather had cleared up in time.

“It was Uncle Joe, Dad,” Tasha confirmed, mentioning the name of one of her dad’s best friends who was a genius at contract law. “I faxed it to him the same night I got it.”

“And what did he say?”

“Outside of his notes there? That’s it’s a pretty standard agreement. The only thing non-standard about it is that instead of the usual ten percent that managers take, he’s taking five. And he’s put an end date for five years, at which point we can renegotiate terms.”

“And five years is non-standard?” Jeff asked, taking off his glasses and looking up at his daughter.

“No. Apparently, standard management contracts are two years long.” She stopped next to a small fountain in the middle of the park and adjusted the blanket around her dad’s legs. “Uncle Joe said that it seems like Nick is trying to protect me by keeping my contract so low and so long. So if I suddenly jump out onto the scene, all the money I earn is mine. And even if I don’t, he’s still obligated to try and find work for me and keep me earning.”

“Hmm.” He bit into the temple tips of his glasses and turned the page. “Why would he do that?”

Tasha shrugged. She’d stopped trying to understand why Nick did the things he did. She just wanted out of it. As she continued to walk them across the park, Tasha acknowledged that her anger made her irrational. She knew Nick had drafted a fair contract. But she didn’t know what she would do if she faced him again.

Did she want a music career so bad that she sacrificed her sanity by being around him?

“How about advances? He’s charging you zero interest?” Her dad’s question broke her away from her thoughts.

“Yes. And I start paying him only when I start earning over one hundred grand a year.”

“So everything he’s given you so far, the plane tickets, the new wardrobe, the free lodging, studio time...he’s paid for all of that and not charging you for anything until you start earning six figures?”

She nodded.

“What about that advance you got for the record deal? And winning the showcase?”

She had a sinking feeling she knew where this was headed. “He gave me the full amounts. For both.”

Jeff looked at his daughter and raised a skeptical eyebrow. “Either he’s the worst businessman in the history of the music industry or he’s genuinely after your best interests, pumpkin.”

She was afraid he going to say that. The last week had her looking at her contract backwards and forward for any indication of a loophole she can use to get out from under Nick’s nose. She grew up with a lawyer for a father so she knew how to sniff out badly drawn deals. But it was airtight. Unless she wanted to pay back everything he’d advanced so far as well as provide him payment of future earnings, she was locked to him and his management company for five years.

“Why don’t you tell me why you really want to break your contract?” Her dad said, turning around and putting a hand over hers.

Tasha sighed and gave him a helpless look as she sat next to him. “He’s just...he’s not who I expected. He changed. I don’t know if I could trust him.”

“With your career?”

“With me.”

He chuckled in understanding. “Then honey, the only advice I can give you is to take control: of your feelings and your career. If you want something, fight for it. He’s just a man after all.”

She turned up at him and smiled. “I totally forgot how brilliant you are, pops.”

He laughed and kissed the top of her head. She stood up and pushed him further into the garden pathway.

Walking in companionable silence for a few minutes, Tasha looked back at the last week that she spent with her dad. It was as if the last year never happened. Recovering quickly from his surgery, he was sitting up and alert in a matter of days. The abrasive personality that showed up in the beginning of his confinement last year seemed to have disappeared and it in its place was the easy going loving dad she grew up with.

Her extended stay was easier because she had her old dad back. But in a matter of hours, she was leaving Baltimore behind and going into the craziness that was Malibu and loose ends with Nick.

Not that they’d talked since he’d left.

JC and Leigh were the only people she communicated with and even then she refused to talk about Nick. They were concerned and she recognized that, but acknowledging their worry only increased the pain she felt at trusting him so quickly.

JC had given her a few songs to work on, arrangements she wanted to start recording before she headed back to California. He directed her to a studio he used when he was in town and challenged her to do four new arrangements on her own.

She was grateful for the distraction so she poured herself into creating new music. While she spent her days at the hospital, hanging with her dad, she spent her nights in the studio, fine tuning her music, finding her voice.

Nick’s boorish behaviour was just the push she needed to get to the next level of her creativity. She’d not only recorded and remixed four tracks but she’d also written three other songs that perfectly matched how she wanted her sound to be.

“I’m going to miss you, Dad,” she told him softly. “It’s been so good to have you back.”

He covered her hand with his. “You’ll be back in a few weeks. I promise not to change until then, my darling.”

She wiped the single tear that coursed down her cheek and smiled. “You promise to eat properly, okay? Don’t give Rose a hard time.”

“She insists a proper meal can be eaten with a spoon. Is it so hard to get a steak around here?”

They turned to a path that revealed a massive brightly lit tent. “Dad, before I go,” she started.

“Yes, pumpkin?”

“Happy birthday.”

At that, the tent opened up and out spilled people as familiar to him as his right arm. Friends and colleagues he hadn’t seen since he’d been confined at the Neuro Centre were coming out of the tent in droves and headed straight for them.

Music played from speakers and she could tell he was surprised at seeing the familiar smiling faces.

“Tasha, what---?”

“I wanted to make up for the birthdays I wasn’t here for.”

Jeff Callaghan wasn’t prone to displays of emotion but at that moment, he looked up at her with bright tearful eyes and smiled. “I love you, Natasha.”

She kissed the back of his hand, equally teary eyed. “Right back atcha, pops.”

*********

“You need to see this.”

Nick looked up from his laptop screen and was surprised to see Leigh in his office, especially since she’d made it a particular point to stop talking to him since he’d returned from Baltimore.

“I didn’t realize we were talking again.”

Her glower would’ve reduced a lesser man to tears. Nick decided to just clear his throat and look back at his laptop screen. “What is it, Leigh?”

She dropped a folded copy of the Washington Post on his keyboard. “What’s this?” he asked, seeing it turned to the Society column. “Gossip?”

“There’s a photo below the fold you might be interested in,” Leigh said quietly, her arms over her chest.

Nick turned over the page as he took a sip of his coffee and when he saw the photo Leigh was referring to, he almost choked.

The photo, which spanned all four columns of the paper, showed Tasha, in a fitted sweater smiling--BLUSHING--as a suited-up Ryan Gosling kissed the back of her hand. Looking on next to her were the smiling faces of the President and First Lady. Of the United States.

The photo caption read: “Up and coming singer makes a presidential impression at Johns Hopkins reception.”

“When was this? And why didn’t she tell me?” He looked up at Leigh accusingly. “Why didn’t YOU tell me?”

“The dinner was last night,” she responded coolly. “She threw a party for her dad. The President and First Lady were on the guest list. Didn’t you read my update this morning?”

Nick’s look remained impassive. He didn’t want to admit he hadn’t been able to concentrate on pretty much anything in the last week, when the enormity of what he’d done and said to Tasha sunk in. Mildly drunk on misery and tequila, it was easy for him to run his mouth and take out his anger on her. But in the light of day (and the excruciating pain of a morning-after hangover), his regrets knew no limits. He’d been vulnerable and confused but that was no excuse to say what he said.

“How did Gosling get on the list? And how does she know the President, for Christ’s sake?”

Leigh shrugged. “Read the article.”

He ran his fingers through his hair. Curt, short responses. Yep, Leigh was still angry.

She leaned over and jabbed her finger on the newsprint to emphasize her last statement. “Read.”

Nick looked down to the article that accompanied the photo.

Tasha (full name Tasha Callaghan), darling of rockers and pop music aficionados across the country, drew an admiring crowd during a private dinner hosted by the President and First Lady at the John Hopkins Hospital grounds on Tuesday. The dinner honored JJ Callaghan, the President’s former Chief Counsel and attended by Democratic Party A-list as well as visiting presidential supporters. It was said that the First Lady introduced Tasha to actor Ryan Gosling (pictured above) as “a friend of the family”.

Sources say that Tasha and Gosling enjoyed after party drinks at a local Baltimore pub together.

Tasha is currently featured in the Black Keys record “Under Pressure” and the rising R&B chart hit “Candlelight”, a collaboration with Bruno Mars. Gosling can be seen in the Oscar nominated “Ides of March”.

“Together?” Nick raised an eyebrow at the last line. “Who are these sources?”

“You’re missing the point, Nick.” Leigh pointed to the paper again. “Did you know that Tasha’s dad used to be the President’s Chief Counsel?”

He skimmed the paragraph again and frowned. “No.”

“We’ve already been getting calls and emails asking for comment. I’ve already told Tasha not to respond to anything.”

“Who’s been calling?” Nick asked, brows furrowed, his mind working through possible scenarios they needed to work through.

“US Weekly, Entertainment Weekly. Rolling Stone. The Enquirer. TMZ.” She then paused for effect. “New York Times AND Fox News.”

Nick’s brows furrowed even more. “Did you say New York Times? Why would they be interested in this story?”

“Politics combined with Hollywood is always a big seller.”

“What kind of piece are they doing?”

“Presidential celebrity supporters. And they want dirt. Especially Fox News.”

Nick absently rubbed the scruff on his face. “Jesus, they’re going to dig up everything aren’t they?”

“Potentially. What kind of dirt do you think they’ll find?”

“Not much outside of some research that Mike did for me in the beginning.” Nick’s eyes widened when he remembered. “No wait, there is something. Did she tell you about Belinda?”

Leigh was confused. “No. Who’s Belinda?”

Nick was already standing up and on the phone. “Mike, I need you in my office right now.” Not giving the other man a chance to respond, Nick put the phone down and turned to Leigh. “Where’s Tasha?”

“Her flight just left Baltimore. What’s going on?”

“What time is she arriving?”

Leigh looked at her watch. “In six hours, so four o’clock today. Wait, slow down, Nick, tell me what’s going on.”

“Tell Damon to take two of the security guys and pick her up from the airport. Is she flying commercial?”

“Yes.”

“Call the airport, request for a special pass so Damon and the guys meet her at the gate. They need to sneak her out using the loading dock. No paparazzo gets a photo of her until I talk to her.”

Leigh’s hands fell on her hips. “Aren’t you overdoing it just a tad?”

“No.”

“What do you know, Nick? You need to tell me so we can fix this.”

Nick bit the inside of his mouth, distracted. “There was a sex tape. Mike’s been working on burying it and taking it off the internet. I need to know if he was successful.”

“A sex tape?” Leigh practically screamed in his ear. “You knew this and you didn’t tell me?”

“It was confidential.”

“Is it you two?”

Nick whipped his head around. “What?”

“Is the tape of you two?”

“Jesus, of course not. It was something that happened to her five years ago.” Nick sat back down. All this stress was giving him a headache. “When I asked Mike to look into it, he found the damn video in a matter of hours. The press would probably find it sooner.”

“And since she’s getting A-List attention...political attention...we need to nip this in the bud.” Leigh was understanding now. “What do you want me to do?”

“Call Jeff Callaghan. That’s Tasha’s dad. He’ll know how far this whole Presidential connection goes. He’s in Johns Hopkins Neuro.”

Leigh nodded and turned to leave the room.

“And Leigh, after you talk to Tasha’s dad?”

She turned back to him. “Anything else Nick?”

He gave her a wry smile. “I can’t believe I’m going to say this but do you think you can try and get me the White House?”

**********

“I don’t care what he told you. I’m tired, I’m going to my room. Tell him I’ll talk to him at the photo shoot in the morning.”

Damon stared her down, dropping her bags on the foyer of the main building. “The boss issued direct orders, darlin’. And to be honest, your stink eye is nowhere near as effective as Nick firing my ass if I don’t get you to him right now.”

Tasha ran an exhausted hand over her face. “Does no one care that I need my sleep so I don’t scare the freakin’ photographer with my face in the morning?”

Truthfully, Tasha didn’t have the energy or the courage to deal with Nick face-to-face right now. She wanted her first contact with him after a week to be...well, under control. Drunk or not, he was right. They were adults, and if anything, they still needed to work together.

But that didn’t mean she won’t try her best to keep their interactions to a minimum.

“It’s okay, Damon. I got it from here. Can you put Tasha’s bags in her room?”

Tasha turned and saw Nick walk out of his office, his hands casually in his khakis trying to look relaxed. His eyes zeroed in on hers, making her step back. As ready as she thought she was for this first meeting, she was quite frankly breathless.

He looked tired, like he had suffered similar sleepless nights as she did. His hair was all over the place and she knew him well enough to conclude that he’d likely been pulling on it for hours.

Her heart did a traitorous tha-thump. He didn’t take his eyes off her for one second and it was unnerving.

She didn’t even notice that Damon left the foyer, but she was sure he wanted no part in the growing tense atmosphere.

“How was your flight?” he asked quietly, not moving, presumably waiting for her to not be spooked.

Straightening her stance, she looked up at him, hoping she seemed at least more composed than she felt.

Realizing she wasn’t going to answer him, he continued by saying “We need to talk.”

She shook her head. “Not tonight. I’m tired.” She was. Not only did she get back to her hotel in the wee hours of the morning, the anxiety at coming back to Malibu kept her awake all throughout her flight.

“We have a situation. Can we talk in my office? There’s--”

Tasha shook her head before he could finish. “Whatever it is, I’m sure you can handle it.” She turned and walked out of the foyer.

She heard his hurried footsteps behind her before she felt his hand grab her arm.

After a quick intake of breath, she turned. “Don’t,” she said sharply, shaking his hand away. “Don’t touch me.”

He stepped back, his hands up. “I’m sorry. But we really need to talk. Right now.”

“What is it? At this point we don’t really have anything to say to each other. You’ve made that clear---”

“Your tapes,” he cut in grimly. “The press have your tapes.”

********

He wasn’t going to survive this meeting without blubbering like an idiot in front of Tasha, he was sure of it.

Seeing her for the first time since...well since that night he wanted to forget, Nick just couldn’t look away from her. She was fiercely angry and ice cold at the same time, yet her eyes gave him a look of hurt so deep it was almost enough to send him to his knees. It took all his willpower not to pull her to him and kiss the hurt away, but he knew he couldn’t do it. She deserved better than him and his haunted past.

Tasha collapsed on the leather chair next to his desk, looking panicked. As Leigh sat down next to her, JC looked puzzled at being called into this meeting.

“I’m not sure why I have to be here while you talk about Tasha’s new boytoy.” JC turned to Tasha and gave her a grin. “Well done, by the way. Gosling is a champ. Fist pump?”

Distracted, Tasha waved him away. “Not now, JC.” She turned to Nick. “You better start talking before I start freaking out.”

She was a little too pale for his liking. Nick picked up the phone on his desk and said, “Carson, get Tasha some tea right now.” Carson, Leigh’s skittish intern, was waiting at the reception desk. “And the rest of us some lattes.” Putting a hand over the receiver, Nick turned to Tasha. “Are you hungry? We should get some food in you. You probably haven’t eaten since you left Baltimore.”

“I could eat,” JC chimed in. “Can you get Carson to do a Whole Foods run?”

Leigh looked thoughtful. “Ooh, I love their quinoa and sweet potato salad. I’ll have that.”

“Kale chips for me,” JC said. “And maybe some of those acai smoothies you keep talking about, Nick.”

Nick looked thoughtful. “Yeah, we should get some of that. Tasha, you’re going to love those smoothies--”

“PEOPLE.” Tasha’s voice reverberated through the space, her icy frown making him pause. “Focus, goddammit. Nick, put the fucking phone down before I punch you in the balls.”

He didn’t need to be told twice. Putting the receiver back on its cradle, he gave Leigh a glare for her loud cackle.

JC looked at Tasha adoringly. “Your potty mouth is such a turn on.”

Tasha didn’t have time for JC’s adoration, obviously. “How did the press get the tapes, Nick? You were supposed to take care of this.”

“We should backtrack.” He handed her the same copy of the Washington Post that Leigh had handed him earlier. “Have you seen this?”

Tasha looked over the photo and accompanying article and nodded. “Leigh sent me the online version before I left.”

“Is it true?”

She kept her gaze steady. “Which part?”

“All of it.”

Tasha leaned back and chewed on her lower lip, looking particularly adorable and thoughtful. “It’s true I was at a party with the President and the First Lady. And I met a lot of people last night. This isn’t a big deal.”

“Tasha, it was Ryan Gosling. And the President and the First Lady. You’re going to get A-list attention whether you think it’s a big deal or not.” Nick explained. “So did you? Have drinks with him after the party?”

The daggers that came out of her eyes made him lean back slightly. “I can’t see why that’s any of your business.”

“It’s my business because I’m your manager, Tasha.”

“You manage my music career, not my personal life.”

“Yes, your personal life, if it starts affecting your career.”

“It hasn’t.”

“Sex tapes, Tasha,” he said, practically screaming, frustrated at the direction this discussion was going.

“Enough, you two,” Leigh intervened, standing physically between them.

Tasha crossed her fingers over her chest and kept her eyes on Leigh, pointedly ignoring Nick. “You still have to tell me what this photo has to do with the press finding the tapes.”

JC’s surprised voice cut into the tension. “Hold the phone, did Nick just say sex tapes?”

“Shut up, JC,” Nick and Tasha said at the same time. Nick didn’t miss JC’s self-satisfied grin as he leaned back on his seat and watched everything unfold.

“After that photo surfaced, it was picked up by all the news outlets, blogs and tabloids. And because you are virtually an unknown in the Hollywood and political set, everyone’s trying to dig up as much information as they can.” Leigh smiled at Tasha. “Good news is you’ve been invited to play all sorts of gigs around the country now. Everyone wants you.”

“And the bad news?”

Nick gave her a wry smile. “At the risk of repeating myself, there is the issue of the tapes.”

Leigh turned to Nick and gave him a warning look. “I said ‘enough’. You two need to stop talking and let me finish.”

Nick frowned. He knew better than to piss Leigh off when she was making a point but it was his meeting, dammit.

“Nick told me about the tapes just after your flight took off this morning, Tash, because we both wanted to make sure we were prepared for whatever the press found. He also told me the story of what happened five years ago. That video that was online those years ago? Mike’s forensic team found it and gave Nick a copy. Approximately around the same time as you signed with him.”

Tasha gasped and turned to Nick accusingly. “You’ve had it all along? And you didn’t tell me?”

Nick bit the inside of his lip and refused to take the bait. Nothing he said at this point would make this discussion any shorter or his pulse beat any slower. Dammit, did he have to smell Tasha’s perfume all the way across the room?

“It didn’t take too long to find. Mike dug it up in a download site archive in a matter of hours. Although whatever your dad did to make it disappear seemed to have worked because it was the only server that had it. Mike made a very friendly call to owners of the server farm and bought out their entire archive. As of two weeks ago, those units were physically destroyed.”

JC crossed his legs and leaned forward. “And then what happened?”

“Then TMZ happened. Apparently, someone sent them a few clips, clearly from the same recording as your old video, alleged that it was you and that a porn site was releasing the ‘sex tape’ for download in three days for $8.99. Fox News and New York Times picked it up and now the clips have gone viral.”

Tasha struggled to keep a straight face.

“We don’t want you to think we don’t have your back, Tasha. We do. But this will get worse before it gets better, so we want you to be prepared. Nick and I came up with a gameplan.”

Leigh nodded to Nick.

“Our official stance is to deny it,” Nick announced. “We suspect that whoever is releasing this video is either out to blackmail you and your family, has some political beef against the President or just someone cashing in on a quick buck. I remember you told me that you’re the only one with physical copies of the tapes. Do you know where they are?”

Tasha nodded. “Yes. They’re in my safe deposit box in Baltimore.”

“When was the last time you checked?”

“Not since I first got back in the States last year.”

“Okay, when you get back to Baltimore, we need you to move it. Or burn it. Just make sure it’s somewhere close by and safe. We can’t risk it being all the way in Maryland.”

Tasha nodded in understanding.

“You have your Rolling Stone cover shoot and interview tomorrow. And a few more interviews scheduled for the rest of the week. Your official response is no comment. On anything: your connection with the First Family, Gosling, the video. We’ll need to keep people focused on the music, so they don’t forget.”

Leigh chimed in. “On the flip side, we want you to increase your social media presence. Tweet more, post a few more vids on YouTube, talk to your fans. We want people to know YOU, not what the press is spinning. JC tells me that you have a few songs you’ve recorded in Baltimore. Do you have them with you?”

Tasha nodded. JC smiled at her. “I’ve heard them, they’re beautifully done, Tash.”

Nick cut in. “In the meantime, the label’s lawyers have filed, as of an hour ago, a cease and desist order to all the sites that have the clips on their servers as well as the production company who’s releasing the video. That will give us some time to sort out who it came from and if it’s the real deal. Mike is on the case and he’ll let us know in a day or two what happened.”

Nick paused to see if Tasha was still listening. She looked deep in thought.

“We also had to call your dad.”

That got her attention quickly. “You what?”

“We needed to tell him about this since his White House connection may be exploited, as well as get more information about his connection with the President.”

“Did you...did you tell him everything?”

Nick nodded. “He asked me if it was about the tapes from years ago and I said yes. I also told him we wanted to protect you so we need as much information before we plan our attack.”

Her head fell to her hands in desperation. “Oh my God, not again. I can’t believe you did that. This is going to kill him.”

“Tasha, baby, give your dad some credit. He was the one who came up with the plan.”

“DON’T call me that,” she said firmly, looking Nick straight in the eye. “And what do you mean he came up with the plan?”

“After he briefed us with what his team did five years ago, he also told us that he still had affidavits and a signed testimony from Belinda releasing any claim on the tapes as well as admitting that all her copies of the recording were destroyed. He also said that if it turned out that she was behind this, this means she lied in court documents and faces jail time.”

Leigh added, “And if it wasn’t her, then it’s plain and simple ‘pirates’ who must’ve gotten their hands on these tapes somewhere and they can get prosecuted because technically these tapes were stolen from you, the sole owner.”

“So what’s the plan then?”

“The lawyers will go full on attack mode and find who’s distributing the tapes. Once we figure out motive, we’ll bury them in legal proceedings, they wouldn’t come up for air for years.”

“That sounds like a lot of money, Nick. I can’t afford a court battle like that---”

“No it’s fine. We fight things like these at the label all the time. It’s par for the course in the music business.” Nick gave her a half-smile. “There’s also a clause on my contract with you to make sure I keep your image the way you want it. If the label didn’t do it, I would’ve fought it on my own.”

“Right now, Tash,” Leigh said hesitantly, “We wanted to show you the clips that leaked to the press. Is that okay? If you’re doing the Rolling Stone interview tomorrow, you need to know what they know.”

Tasha turned a deep shade of red and Nick thought it was adorable. God he needed a drink.

“I don’t think we should watch it here,” she said quietly, with a sidelong glance at Nick. “Maybe if you send me a link...”

Nick shook his head. “We had some questions to ask you. Can you play it now, Leigh?”

As Leigh turned on the big screen at the far wall, JC remarked, “Do you think it’s too late to get Carson to go get us some popcorn? I never watch home videos without it.”

Tasha put a hand on JC’s knee, to signal him to stop talking. She was obviously more affected than she wanted to admit and JC’s off-the-cuff remarks were starting to annoy her.

Nick saw JC’s hand cover hers in a gesture meant to comfort. JC may be an inappropriate bastard but he was still here for moral support. She trusted him.

There was a noticeable tightening in Nick’s chest when he thought that just a week ago, she trusted him too.

*********

Tasha hung onto JC’s hand like it was her lifeline.

First of all, even though they were only showing two thirty-second clips, seeing herself on screen so bare like that, especially in the same room as Nick, made her want to disappear.

Secondly, she’d forgotten how vivid that footage was, and how incredibly foolish. Unlike most people’s videos that are shrouded in darkness, this one was shot with bright sunlight streaming through their hotel room. No detail was hidden, even her soul felt naked.

Lastly, Tasha could feel Nick’s eyes on her the whole time, observing, gauging her reaction, taking in every single flutter of her lashes, the deepening creases of her brow.

Leigh turned off the TV and the room was thrust into silence. It was obvious that they were all waiting for Tasha to speak, but she was still trying to get over the fact that this actually happened.

“Ooh boy, that was hot.” JC said shaking his head. “No disrespect, Tash, but if this singing thing doesn’t work out, you’ll make MILLIONS in the porn industry.”

“You’re not helping at all, JC,” Leigh said with a frown. “Tash? You okay?”

She breathed in, deeply. “Give me a minute.”

Nick cleared his throat. “Leigh and I agree that there weren’t any solid shots that showed your face in full, only sideways and the back of your head.” He paused. “Would you be comfortable saying ‘no comment’ to the press?”

Tasha knew Nick fidgeted when he was uncomfortable. This time was no exception. In this instance, though, she noticed him playing with the band on his left hand. His wedding ring, she realized. Of course he was still wearing it.

Nick saw where she was looking and immediately took his hands off the desk. “You can sleep on it if you want. We can talk again in the morning.”

“No, it’s fine. If our official position is no comment, then no comment it is. I took some acting classes in university. I can handle one interview.” Her conviction was strong, even though her voice didn’t seem to sound like it.

She looked up at Nick again, this time straightening to sit taller. “But I want to be informed immediately when your lawyers find out exactly what’s going on. I don’t imagine Dad’s happy this is being dredged up again and I don’t want to cause him undue grief for too long. He’s still recovering from surgery after all.”

Nick nodded. “Your dad already has his lawyers working on investigating this as well as some help from the President’s legal team. We’re going to sniff this idiot out in the next twenty-four hours if I have anything to say about it.”

She looked surprised. “I don’t want any of them involved, Nick. It’s bad enough---”

Nick shook his head. “We’re all in this together, Tasha. All of us. We want what’s best for you and right now, you need to trust us to do our jobs.”

His gaze seared through her and for a second, her heart seemed to leap off her chest. “In the meantime, when I find those assholes that dared to hurt you, I promise they won’t live long enough to do it again. You have my word.”

 

 

Chapter 17

“Ashy!”

Tasha’s ears perked at the sound of the familiar voice coming from the distance. She was in the middle of telling the Rolling Stone reporter about her upcoming album when she saw Matty breaking into a dead run once he saw her on the other side of the Compound’s pool.

“One sec,” she told the reporter and ignored the other man taking photos of her a few feet away.  She went straight for Matty, who was about forty feet away, running dangerously close to the edge of the pool.

Her first thought was how the hell did Matty get out from under Nick or Damon’s watch? The Compound’s pool was located on the other side of the Artist House, which meant that either Matty had gotten away from Damon at the studio or he’d escaped Nick’s office. Either way, her heart was beating a million miles a minute. One misstep, he’d plunge straight into deep waters.

She got to him just as he noticed the panic on her face. He stopped running abruptly and frowned, sensing that he did something wrong.

“Ashy?” he asked as she pulled him up in her arms.

She released the deep breath she didn’t realize she was holding and gave the boy a hug. “Oh Matty, don’t scare me like that.”

In the corner of her eye, she saw Damon running, then stopping to catch his breath when he saw Matty safe in her arms.

“It’s okay, D, I got him,” she told him with a nod.

He frowned. “I’m getting too old for this. Carter needs to get a freakin’ nanny,” she heard him grumble as he approached them, heaving.

 “What happened?”

“That Bieber kid left the doors wide open in the studio. I turned my back for one minute and he went running. Come on, Matty, Tasha’s busy.”

Tasha shook her head and cradled Matty closer. “It’s okay, he can stay, we’re wrapping up anyway.”

“Are you sure? Because if Nick sees Matty…”

“Let me handle Nick,” she said, tiptoeing to give the much taller man a kiss on the cheek. “You go take a break. We’re still on for car shopping later, yes?”

“Four o’clock, don’t be late,” he mumbled before he turned and walked away.

 “Ashy, I owie,” Matty cried against her shoulder.

“What happened, Matty? Where’s your owie?”

He pulled away from her and showed her his bright red thumb. “Owie.”

Tasha frowned as she kissed his thumb. “Oh boo, that looks painful. What happened?”

“Doe. Bad doe.”

“What door?”

“Fish.”

Tasha blinked. “Uh…your fish?”

He shook his head. “No, Daddy fish.”

She laughed. Tasha had no idea what he was talking about. Her Matty-speak was getting rusty. “Okay, baby. Stay with me, we’ll get your owie better, okay?”

He sighed as he leaned his head against her shoulder. “Okay.”

She smiled apologetically at the two men looking on. “Sorry guys. Do you mind if Matty here joins us?”

Both shook their heads no and the interview continued as if it didn’t even stop. As Tasha sat, chatting casually for the next fifteen minutes, Matty slowly drifted to sleep against her.

She did make it a point to tell the photographer to keep Matty off his shots. She didn’t want Nick having a heart attack when his son suddenly shows up on the pages of Rolling Stone.

“I think we got everything,” the reporter said, standing up. “Thanks for your time today, Tasha.”

“It was my pleasure, guys,” she said, starting to stand up.

“Oh no, it’s okay, we’ll see ourselves out. We don’t want to wake up the little boy.”

With a wave, they walked off to the driveway where their car waited.

Shifting the sleeping toddler in her arms, she raised her feet and rested her legs on the table. Leaning back, she stared at the horizon, listening to Matty’s steady breathing and the waves crashing on the beach not too far away.

After another night of barely two hours of sleep, she’d made some decisions that not only would help her sanity but keep her relationship with Nick professional. Being in the Compound, in such close proximity to him made her extremely uncomfortable. What better way to preserve a purely professional relationship than to move out to her own apartment and get her own ride. Her tour was starting after Thanksgiving which was only a few weeks away but by the holidays, she’d be back and finishing her album. She needed her own space apart from…this.

Looking down at Matty’s sleeping form, she felt a sharp tug in her heart. She would miss this little guy though.

“Miss Tasha?” a hushed voice said behind her, “It’s Mr. Dorough for you, on the phone.”

She turned and saw Carson handing over her mobile. She totally forgot she left it with him before the photoshoot. Giving him a smile, she grabbed the iPhone and greeted Howie cheerfully.

“Well hello, Mr. Dorough. Didn’t think I’d hear from you this quickly.” She was a bit surprised, considering she’d contacted him regarding any leads on a rental nearby just two hours ago.

“Tash, are you sitting down?”

“Very comfortably, sir. Good news?”

“The best news. My partner just reminded me that we have a one bedroom condo we were putting on the market just two blocks from the Compound. It’s furnished, on the beach, and you get one parking spot. It’s off the PCH. Interested?”

“Are you kidding? Of course I am,” she said, hoping her excitement translated over the phone even as she spoke in a hushed tone.

Howie’s voice lowered to match her own. “Why are we whispering?”

“Sorry, Matty’s just asleep on top of me. I didn’t want to wake him.”

Howie laughed. “Once the Carter men are asleep, nothing would wake them so don’t worry about being too excited.”

Tasha smiled. “When can I see the place?”

“Now, if you want. I’m leaving the house in a few minutes, I could get to the condo in twenty. Maybe you and Nick could meet me there. I can give you the address.”

“Oh. Sorry Howie, I haven’t told Nick about me moving out yet. I’ll walk down, if it’s just two blocks away. What’s the address?”

Howie hesitated. “Uh, Tasha, I’m not sure if walking alone is a good idea. It’s not safe. The paparazzi…”

“D, please, this is Malibu, the safest place in the world. And besides, I don’t want to bother anyone. I’ll get there in fifteen minutes. I just need to drop Matty off with JC in the studio.”

“Okay, you know what, why don’t I pick you up? I’ll call Damon to make sure he joins us too, okay? Be there in fifteen.”

“Howie, seriously, you don’t need to do that. Text me the address and I’ll meet you there. You’re already doing me this big favour by finding this condo for me.”

“Nope, already done. I’m heading to the Compound. See you there with bells on,” he pronounced happily before cutting the call.

She stared at her phone for a good minute. What was going on with this overly protective people in her life? Tasha knew the news of the tape and her connection with the White House was a big deal, but for crying out loud, they were in Malibu. She hadn’t seen hide nor hair of paparazzi in this side of town.

Tasha sighed and stood up slowly, careful not to jar the softly snoring Matty.

God, this kid was adorable.

Shifting him so he rested his head against her shoulder, she made her way to the studio. She sang a little Janis Joplin for Matty, just so he could sleep a little more soundly, even as she walked unsteadily in five inch heels.

“Matty’s always been a Joplin fan.”

She turned and saw Nick walking behind her, his cellphone in hand.

Her step faltering a bit in surprise, she found her footing soon enough but not before Nick caught her by the waist.

“You okay?” he whispered against her ear, his hand gripping her at the waist.

She ignored the sudden feel of goosebumps against her arms and straightened. “I’m fine,” she said, pulling away from him.

“I can take Matty,” he said quietly, “He has a crib in the daycare room next to my office.”

She blinked and looked down at the boy in her arms, forgetting for a moment that he was there. “Oh. Sure.”

As Nick lifted Matty into his arms, Matty seemed to groggily resist the move. “Mama,” he mumbled as he tightened his hold around Tasha’s neck. “No.”

Tasha looked up at Nick in surprise, as his mouth formed a thin line of concern.

“I didn’t—“ Tasha said as Nick managed to pry Matty’s hands off her neck.

Nick nodded. “I know. He’s…he’s learning new words.” He shrugged and gave her a small smile. “Jake calls Leigh ‘Mama’, I guess he sees you often enough, he thinks you’re his.”

Tasha was still getting over the fact that Matty called her ‘Mama’, she didn’t really know how to respond to Nick’s statement.

After settling Matty in his arms, he looked up at her again. “All done with the Rolling Stone interview?”

“Yeah, about fifteen minutes ago.” His presence felt too close, too…real. She moved a step back.

If Nick noticed, he didn’t show it. “You look great. It went okay?”

She shrugged, itching to move on from the conversation. “Listen, I have to go and get changed.”

He kept his gaze on her steady. She couldn’t move even if she wanted to. “Can we talk? After you change? I can order some lunch and we have it at the house.”

She shook her head. “I can’t. Howie’s picking me up in fifteen minutes. Can we try tomorrow? Before I start at the studio?”

“Howie? Where are you guys headed?” He asked with a frown. “I was just on a call with him and the guys half an hour ago. He didn’t mention anything about seeing you.”

“He called me about a minute ago. Gotta go. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

“Tash, wait---“

Her heart racing, she pretended not to hear him and continued to walk to the Artist House. She knew she was being a chicken-shit by avoiding him but she wasn’t ready. He looked too good, smelled too good for her peace of mind. She was also still uncomfortable at the fact that he sat in the same room with her as they watched the clips from an afternoon she’d long wanted to forget.

She needed some time away from him, she knew that now. But she knew too that he wasn’t going to stop until they’ve talked about Baltimore. She had just got a hold of her emotions around him. If they talked about Baltimore, she’ll run the risk of exposing herself raw when she should be over the whole situation. She was almost thirty, for God’s sake. She shouldn’t be afraid to have an emotional meltdown in front of the jerk that broke her heart.

Is it so bad that a part of her wanted to keep hating him forever?

**********

Nick’s foot started tapping a staccato rhythm in impatience as he waited for Howie to get out of his Jaguar. He’d pulled into the Compound’s driveway a few minutes before but stayed in the car while he finished a conversation on his phone.

“What’s your hurry, boss?” Damon drawled, stopping next to him.

Nick had to stop himself from growling. “Howie talks too damn much. He needs to get off the phone.” He looked at the other man, who was dressed in full security gear. “Where are YOU going?”

He gave his boss a smile. “You need to ask Tasha. I’m on her detail.”

Nick crossed his arms over his chest. “You realize I sign your paychecks, right?”

Damon’s smile widened. “You could threaten to fire me. You’ve been doing it since you were fifteen. It’ll be fun.”

Nick couldn’t stop himself. “Don’t tempt me, old man,” he grumbled as he jabbed the other man in the ribs while keeping his eye on Howie.

“What are you really worried about?” Damon asked.

He knew Nick too well. “Nothing. I just need to know what’s up with Howie and Tasha. If you won’t tell me, Howie will.”

It took a few more minutes but Howie finally emerged from his car and walked over to them. “Hey guys. Is Tasha ready?”

“She’s coming down soon. Where are you guys going?” Nick asked with suspicious eyes.

Howie immediately looked uncomfortable. “You mean Tasha hasn’t spoken to you yet?”

Nick shook his head.

Howie frowned. “How much of her income do you control, Nick?”

“Control? Nothing. I look after her tour and album royalties, but we haven’t had a discussion on investments. What’s going on, D?” Nick had a sinking feeling about this whole outing.

Howie hesitated. “I shouldn’t be telling you this, but she’s looking at rental property, close to the Compound. I found her a place a couple of miles down the road.”

Nick’s head started pounding when he realized what Tasha was doing. She was moving out. Of the Compound.

And she didn’t even tell him.

Nick ran a hand over his face. “I can’t believe she didn’t tell me she wanted to move out.” He needed to fix this. Could she afford a rental property on her own? Maybe he can talk to her, convince her she should stay. Maybe…

“Listen, Nick,” Howie said, pulling him away from Damon and closer to his car. “I don’t know what went down between you and Tasha in Baltimore, but you need to fix this.”

God. If it were that easy. “I don’t know if it’s fixable, D. I fucked up, big time.”

“If you don’t fix this, you’re going to lose her. You know that. Moving out is the first step.” Howie gave him a rueful smile. “And besides, I really hate the fact that my wife bitches about you every single night, bro. She needs a peaceful pregnancy.”

Nick smiled at that. “Her calling me jackass every day IS starting to get annoying.”

“Oh trust me, she’s called you worse. Normally I love her potty mouth but DUDE.”

Nick nodded but his mind was preoccupied with how he was going to sit her down and listen to him. Alone.

“You do have feelings for her, don’t you? I’m not just misreading this hero complex you have where Tasha’s concerned?”

Nick frowned. “Hero complex? I’m her manager, I…”

Howie shook his head and laughed. “We’ve heard that before, kiddo. Are you in love with her?”

Nick’s stomach dropped at the unexpected question. “Howie, I…”

“Sorry I’m late, Howie,” Tasha said from behind them, breathless. “Were you waiting long?”

Howie gave Nick a frown before turning his million-watt smile to the freshly changed Tasha. “Not long at all, my lovely. Nick and I were just going over some strategy for our meeting with Cronenberg tomorrow.”

Tasha raised an eyebrow. “Cronenberg the director?”

Howie nodded. “He wants Nicky here to produce the music for his next movie.”

Nick saw the surprised look in Tasha’s eyes when she turned to him, her first genuine smile directed at him since…well, forever. “Oh Nick.” Her left hand rested on his chest in an unguarded move. “That’s incredible.”

The back of his eyes burned with emotion at the pride he saw in her eyes. After everything, after what he said, he did, she still looked at him with an open—albeit hurting—heart. He covered her hand with his and squeezed. He gave her a half-smile and whispered, “I haven’t said yes yet, but thanks.”

“That’s true. We still need to negotiate your fee,” Howie remarked dryly as he opened the door to the passenger seat of his car. “Ready to go, Tash?”

And just like that, she pulled away and disappeared into the dark interior of the Jag.

Howie gave him a look as he reached the driver side. “Fix it, Nick.”

And as the three of them drove away, Nick was left with a rising feeling of panic and a tingling at the tip of his fingers from where he and Tasha touched.

Fix it, Howie said. Running a hand through his hair, Nick tried to control his breathing and think, dammit. He needed ideas to keep her near, and FAST.

*********

Couldn’t he just leave her alone?

She sat down on the piano stool next to JC in the sound booth and gave Nick a frown.

“Again, Tasha,” Nick fairly growled over the microphone from the engineering booth. “You know what I’m looking for. We’re going to keep doing this until you give me what I want.” To JC, he said, “Let’s take it from the beginning of the chorus, C.”

Tasha put a hand over JC’s to keep him from playing. She was exhausted, it was almost three AM and her voice was close to breaking. “No. Nick, it’s late, everyone’s tired. We’ll pick it up again tomorrow.”

She looked around the sound booth and noticed relief in everyone’s demeanor, from the horn player’s sudden relaxed stance to the violinist’s raising his hands in the air to JC’s slow expectant smile.

Nick ran a hand through his hair. “Fine. Everyone, we’re done for the night. We’ll pick it up at 9. Don’t be late.” He pointed to Tasha with a frown. “You. Stay put. We’re not done.”

Tasha rolled her eyes. She should’ve known. He’d been terse and short with her for two days now. Especially since she’d come back from her excursion with Howie and told him and Leigh that she found a condo and she’d be moving out in five days.

That just sent Nick into frenzied snit. “What do you mean you’re moving out? We never agreed to that, Tasha.”

“I didn’t realize I had to ask permission to move to my own place.”

“How safe is it? Do you have security? You can’t make decisions like that without consulting me and your team, Tasha. You know that. Especially with what’s happening.”

“Nick, I’m moving two blocks down. I can walk here if I wanted to. But if it makes you feel better, yes, I do have a security desk at my building, and my car is parked underground. And I’m four floors up, the paparazzi can’t get me.”

Nick crossed his arms over his chest and frowned. “You’re safer here. The Compound has state of the art security. And it doesn’t cost you anything.”

“It’s not about the money, Nick,” Tasha said, “You know that.”

“No I don’t know. I don’t know why you need to move away from the Compound to somewhere where I can’t protect you.”

Leigh gave Nick a warning look. “Nick, don’t.”

“No, let him finish. Go on, Nick. You want to protect me? From what? Paparazzi?”

“They can get vile, Tash. I don’t want you getting hurt or run over. This is very different from Baltimore.”

“Nick, your job is to keep me gainfully employed. And it ends there. Paparazzi can do their worst but I’ll survive it. I’m an adult. I know what I need to do to protect myself.”

His frustration showed in his face. “But Tasha…”

“I’ve lived on my own for years, Nick, I don’t need a protector.” She gave him a cold stare. “You said you don’t want me to get hurt and that you want to protect me. But who’s going to protect me from you?”

He didn’t have an answer for that one, as she knew he wouldn’t.

She walked out of that room with her head held high, even as her heart constricted painfully in her chest. As cool and detached as she pretended to be in front of him, her insides were a mess, and the tears that stopped flowing down her cheeks a week ago still flowed freely beneath the surface.

She tried to avoid him for the last two days, she really did. But he was constantly around…in the studio while they re-recorded the songs she wrote in Baltimore. When she went out to have lunch with Leigh, he followed with Damon not far behind.

He was right in a sense that the more she left the Compound, the more paparazzi seemed to be following her. This sex tape craziness had gotten old for her but it was fresh material for anyone trying to sell gossip magazines. So she gratefully kept herself in the studio, busily rearranging and rerecording her new tracks.

Thankfully as well, Nick had kept himself busy in the engineering booth, happy to keep JC in charge and allowed Tasha her creative freedom.

At least until they started recording the very last song.

“Gravity”* was a much more personal song than she wanted to admit. As she sang about heartbreak and wanting to be set free, she didn’t dare look at Nick because it was enough that her heart was in those lyrics.

But he made her sing it, over and over, to the point where she found it unbearable and minutes close to tears. Her exhaustion didn’t help.

JC touched her arm. “Do you want me to stay?”

She pulled away from her thoughts and saw JC standing in front of her, getting ready to leave. “No, C, it’s okay.” She stood up and kissed his cheek. “Go get some rest. Nick and I should be done in a few minutes.”

He hugged her and whispered in her ear, “Don’t let him bully you. That song was beautiful.”

He waited for her smile and nod before he walked away. Calling out good nights to the rest of the band, Tasha walked over to the table next to the piano and drank what remained of her tea and fixed her ponytail. In the corner of her eye, she saw Nick walk in the sound booth and closed the door behind him.

“Care to tell me what the last two hours were about?” he asked curtly, walking up to her.

Tasha frowned and crossed her arms over her chest. “I will if you tell me what you’re so pissed off about.”

“You know why.”

“I honestly don’t. I’ve done everything you asked me to do with this song, Nick. I’ve changed keys, I’ve added a bridge that showed my vocal range, I toned down the theatrics. I don’t know what else I can do for you to be less angry.”

Nick stepped back. “I’m not angry, Tash. I’m…I don’t know…frustrated. You’re not connecting with it. It’s such a beautiful song but while you’re singing, it doesn’t feel real.”

“It feels real to me.” Too real.

“Then sing from your heart. Make me feel how broken you are, how fragile.”

Her stomach dropped. “I did. I’ve been doing that for the last two hours.”

He shook his head as he stepped closer to her. “No. You’re reining it in. You’re controlling it. I don’t want control. This song deserves wild emotion: heartache, anger, desire, disappointment.” He looked straight into her eyes, willing her to back down. “I want it all, Tasha.”

Tasha’s breath caught at his nearness but she kept her back straight. “We can’t have it all, Nick,” she said quietly.

“We can, Tash,” he countered. “For this song at least.”

She took a deep breath and nodded. “Fine. We’ll try one more time.”

She felt Nick watching her as she moved away and stood in front of the studio microphone, her headset in her hands.

Soon enough, with Nick’s fingers over the ivory keys, she started the chorus.

Set me free, leave me be. 
I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be.
But you're on to me and all over me.

She felt her voice crack as she sang the last word, images she thought she’d suppressed in the last week crashing back to her in the forefront of her consciousness.

She watched Nick watching her, as he played her song softly on the keyboard, like he didn’t know the song was about him.

I live here on my knees as I try to make you see 
That you're everything I think I need here on the ground.
But you're neither friend nor foe though I can't seem to let you go.
The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me down

Tasha moved away from the microphone as the last high note choked her. No, she won’t do this in front of him. She won’t break down and give him the satisfaction of getting the upper hand.

She won’t. Even as her eyes brightened with tears, she wasn’t going to shed them. Not here. Not in front of him.

“Tasha, sweetheart,” he called out, standing in front of her in seconds.

She pushed him away, as roughly as she could manage. He was too close and she was itching to do something to him. Punch him maybe, kick him in the groin. Slap him again. Her fingers trembled with the urge. “Don’t call me that.”

But he didn’t budge. It was almost like he was an overgrown tree trunk. Looking down, he saw her shaking fingers. She quickly hid them in her jacket pocket.

He boldly took another step forward. “Do it,” he dared, looking straight in her eyes. “Push me again. Punch me. Kick me. Do it.”

She shook her head and took a step back, collapsing against the piano keys. “No, move away from me, Nick. I can’t…”

“You can. I deserve it. Do it.” The calm in his voice started to annoy her. “Slap me. Goddammit, do something.”

Her eyes narrowed as she pushed him again, her hands flat on his chest and barely controlling the urge to bury her nails deep under his skin. His shirt was thin and if she wanted, she could draw blood. She pushed again. Harder this time.

He stood still, his body unaffected, his eyes turbulent.

She gritted her teeth to stop the annoying arrival of tears and closed her hand to punch Nick on the chest. On the stomach. One time. Two times. Two fists and four times. And Nick didn’t try to stop her once.

Then she lost control. She didn’t know when the tears started flowing freely but she couldn’t stop it, her focus on hurting him too intense. First she slapped him so hard, she saw her handprint on his cheek. When that wasn’t enough, she pushed his shoulders, slapped him again, then punched him in the gut. With every emotion in her.

But he was still there. Why wouldn’t he move? As she continued to push him, she ignored her tears and started rambling.

“Why won’t you move, dammit? I hate you. I HATE you. I let you in and you hurt me. I thought…God I feel stupid.”

With that, all the fight in her left and in its place, a broken little girl. She collapsed against his chest and clutched the fabric of his shirt. She couldn’t control the sobbing if her life depended on it.

Nick’s arms went around her tightly and in the edges of her sniffling, she could hear his laboured breathing, while his hands went up and down her back soothingly.

“Never stupid, baby,” he whispered. “I was stupid. I was an idiot.”

It took Tasha a few minutes but she managed to get a hold of her tears and pushed away from Nick when she realized what she was doing.

“I need to get out of here,” she murmured, going around him and running to the door.

Nick caught her arm. “Tasha, wait. Please. I’m sorry.”

She didn’t dare look at him.

“I’m so fucking sorry, I was a mess and didn’t know what I was saying. I was drunk and—“

She whirled around and shook his hand off her arm. “Are you kidding me? You’re blaming the alcohol for treating me like two-bit groupie?” Her eyes blazed with fire. “I’m not stupid. Wait. Yes I am because I foolishly---stupidly—thought you cared about me. I didn’t realize I was a temporary replacement for your wife.”

She saw him cringe. “It’s only been two years, Tash…and Faith, Faith was my soulmate.”

“And what was I to you then?”

Nick released a pent up breath. “I don’t know. But I didn’t mean to hurt you. I do care about you, Tash…”

“Just not enough to keep the ring off your finger.”

“Tash,” he said, his voice rising, then breaking. “Listen to me. I am drowning in GUILT. Faith is dead and I have a son to raise. I can’t…I can’t fuck this up. This is not what she would’ve wanted.”

His broken voice clutched at her heart. “Nick.” She took a step forward when she saw his wild eyes.

“Just…I’m sorry. It’s been a while since I’ve let someone in my life. I’m an asshole for doing what I did but you have to know, I haven’t wanted someone like I’ve wanted you, Tash. But I’m no good to anyone.”

“You’re wrong, Nick,” she answered quietly, walking over, torn between wanting to hold him and shaking him senseless. “Faith would’ve wanted you to be happy. If she’s half as wonderful as you say she is, then she’d want nothing else for you and Matty but happiness.”

Against her better judgement, she cupped her hands over his cheeks. “And Nick, you ARE good for us. For me. For Matty. For everyone you care about. But you need to let yourself be happy. You of all people deserve it.”

He covered her hands with his and kissed both of them with painful reverence.

She should pull away. She knew she should. But no matter what he did to her, how much he hurt her, she couldn’t leave him, especially when he was in this much pain.

“Nick?”

He gave her a slight smile and pulled her hands away from his face. “You’re amazing, you know that? Not even a minute ago, you hated me. Now…” He shook his head and put her hands back down. “I’m sorry for hurting you, Tash. But this can’t go further than friendship. You deserve better than someone like me. Much better.”

“Bullshit.”

“Tasha…”

The fire in her eyes was back. “You don’t know what I deserve, Nick, just as you don’t know what you want.” Taking a few steps back, she cocked her eyebrow as a challenge. “Come to me when you figure out how you really feel about me. But don’t wait too long. Patience has never been my strong suit.”

* “Gravity” lyrics belong solely to Sara Bareilles. Thank you for such a moving song.

***********

“You and sleep used to be friends, right?”

Nick looked up from his spot on the darkened beach and saw JC walking to him, with two open bottles of cold beer in his hand.

“What are you doing up? I sent you guys back thirty minutes ago.”

“I could ask you the same thing,” JC said, handing Nick a beer and dropping onto the sand beside him. “You haven’t been sleeping in the last few days. What’s going on?”

Nick shrugged. He could tell JC that this whole sex tape business with Tasha was keeping him up, but truthfully, it was plain wanting. He wanted everything with Tasha back to how it was, before Baltimore, before he gave in to some stupid baser instinct and ruined what tenuous friendship they had.

“If Faith were here now, do you think she’d be happy?” Nick asked after a few minutes of silence.

JC seemed surprised at the question. “Here as in the Compound or here overall?”

“Here with me.”

He was thoughtful for a little while. “I think so. She always thought the world revolved around you and your weird blonde head.” He looked at the younger man. “Do you think otherwise?”

Nick bit the inside of his lip. “I wonder sometimes how my life would be if I didn’t meet Faith. Or if I met Tasha first.”

JC understood what he meant. “You were on a downward spiral before you met Faith. It would’ve taken a woman as strong as her or Tasha to get to you…or at least under your skin.”

Nick nodded and looked back at the dark expanse of the ocean.

“What brought this on?”

“Tasha. She said something tonight that…” He shook his head. “She said I don’t allow myself to be happy.”

When the expected denial from JC didn’t come, Nick turned to him. “You agree with her don’t you?”

“Nick,” JC started, “I think you’re a wonderful friend. Brother. Father. If Faith were looking down on us now, she would be so proud of the man you’ve become.”

“But…”

“Tasha’s right. You’ve been mourning Faith for two years. You’ve kept everything as if Faith was here. Her clothes. Her photos. Your wedding ring. Yes, we should remember her, but, bro, you need to move on too. Not only for your sake, but for Matty’s. He’s happy as long as you’re happy, Nick.” JC gave him a wan smile. “But you’re not.”

“I don’t need to be happy to be a good dad.”

“No but you do need to be happy because you deserve to be.” JC turned to his friend. “Look. I know you don’t like talking about Faith but maybe it’ll help if you did, to someone other than us. Maybe a therapist?”

“I don’t need to talk about Faith. I’m fine.”

“You’re not fine if you’re bringing up Faith and Tasha in the same conversation. And if Tasha says you don’t let yourself be happy, then I’d say there’s more to your relationship than you’re willing to admit.”

Nick stayed thoughtfully quiet for a few minutes before saying, “I don’t know what I want, JC.”

“No kidding.”

“I know I want Tasha. My body and my soul want Tasha. But my heart…my heart can’t forget Faith. I don’t know what the fuck to do.”

Then suddenly, in the silence, came the sound of glass breaking. The two men were suddenly alert and looked to the direction of the sound.

Nick spotted a dark figure on the beach meters away from them. At the same time, there was a sudden light coming from the Artist House, specifically from Tasha’s second floor balcony door.

Nick was already on his feet, making a run for the dark figure. JC stood up as soon as Nick shouted, “Call security!”

Whoever it was on the beach was way too quick on his feet. He disappeared before Nick could even get close. Stopping in front of the Artist House, he took a deep breath and looked up, wondering where that broken glass was.

He didn’t have to wonder too long. As soon as he saw licks of flame coming from the second floor corner window accompanied by the smell of smoke, Nick felt his heart drop to his feet in panic.

Tasha.

 

Chapter 18

Tasha opened her eyes almost irritably when she heard the sound of breaking glass from outside the bathroom door. She had just gotten into the tub not ten minutes before and now she’d have to get out to investigate the source of the noise.

Just when her mood was changing from confused to…well, still confused but more relaxed.

She was hoping the bath would rid her of the anger she left the studio with.  Ten minutes barely assuaged the confusion from Nick’s words as well as the exhaustion from the emotionally draining confession.

Tasha sank deeper into the bubbles, drank what was left of her wine and closed her eyes. She’ll deal with whatever it was after her bath, she decided. It can wait.

“I’m sorry for hurting you, Tash. But this can’t go further than friendship. You deserve better than someone like me.”

 Sighing, she bent her neck to the side and tried to clear her head. As much as she’d like to prove Nick wrong, he had too many demons he needed to work through before he can even see her as something other than guilt.

It would’ve been easier to be angry at him if she didn’t understand where he was coming from. She understood all too well the feeling of responsibility, of not screwing up.

But because she knew exactly how he felt: about moving on from Faith, about being the best father to Matty, she couldn’t blame him for wanting to take a step back from her.

What is this attraction she had for unavailable people? Four years in Montreal cured her of her regret over Belinda. But Nick? Wonderful, heroic, strong Nick...this was a whole new playing field.

A part of her really wished they could go back in time and just NOT sleep together. Things would be much simpler and their friendship wouldn’t be...well, ruined. But here they were now, navigating the awkward aftermath of the events in Baltimore.

She heard her cellphone ring from the other side of the bathroom and straightened in the tub. Checking the clock on the far wall, she was pretty sure no one would be calling her at three in the morning. Unless...

Tasha bolted out of the tub, her heart racing, and grabbed her phone in seconds. If it was the hospital, her dad may have had a relapse.

“Hello---”

“Tasha, are you in your room?” She recognized JC’s voice in spite of the heavy breathing.

“Yes, I’m in the bathr---”

The next thing she knew, the bathroom door was shoved open and Nick catapulted in, his eyes wild with alarm.

In surprise, Tasha dropped her phone and grabbed a nearby towel to wrap herself with. “Nick, what the hell...”

“We need to get out of here right now,” he said, not even noticing her state of undress. He lifted her in his arms like she weighed nothing. “Your room is on fire.”

“Wait, put me down. I can walk...”

He silenced her with a rough kiss, his hold on her waist tightening as if reassuring himself that she was really there.

“There’s glass on the floor,” he said against her ear when he pulled away. She felt him grab her clothes from the dresser next to them and ran out back into her room.

And he wasn’t kidding. The fire was blazing from her balcony curtains and had extended to the lounger next to it.

It was too much to take in. She looked at Nick in growing panic and held onto his shoulders for her life.

“Don’t breathe. We're almost out. Hang on.”

Tasha’s eyes closed shut and she hung onto Nick tightly. He headed for the door to the hallway and quickly opened it. As soon as they stepped out onto the hallway, Nick pulled the fire alarm next to her door and set her down gently.

The towel that covered most of her front started slipping and Nick, gentleman that he was, helped her wrap it around her body and made sure it was secure.

It was at that point she noticed his cheeks covered almost completely with soot. She raised her hand to his cheek and he covered it with his.

“Tash, I need you to go to the house right now.” Nick told her amidst the blaring of the alarm. He handed her her clothes. “Before the fire gets worse.”

“What about you?”

He shook his head as he pulled the fire extinguisher off the wall. “I need to try and douse the flames.” He urged her gently to the direction of the stairs. “Go on, JC’s waiting for you.”

“No.” She looked at him straight in the eye. “Either we both stay or we both go.”

Nick shook his head. “Tash, just go so I don’t worry myself to death.” The overwhelming smell of smoke was getting stronger every passing second. “Damon!” Nick called out from behind her, eyes red at the smoke in the air. She turned to see the larger man running up the stairs a few feet away. “Take her to the house, now.”

For a massively muscular man, Damon sure moved fast. But before the other man reached her, she turned to Nick and pulled his head to her. “If you care for me even a little bit,” she said against his ear, grasping the back of his head tightly, “You won’t try to be a hero and come back to me in one piece. Please.”

She heard him draw a breath a split second before pulling away. When she let him go, he nodded solemnly as Damon pulled her further and further away from him.

The last image of Nick she saw was him pulling his shirt up against the bridge of his nose and walking back into her room, at the same time pulling the pin from the fire extinguisher.

In the distance, the sound of sirens failed to alleviate her growing sense of dread.

******

He wasn’t really a baby when it came to pain or injuries. Lord knew he’d been a klutz all his life and endured many a broken bone and ripped flesh. But right now, he wanted to scream bloody murder.

Or in this case, COMMIT murder.

“Damon, you asshole, are you trying to kill me?” Nick muttered through clenched teeth, trying his hardest to not punch the older man in the face as another sharp jolt of pain went through his leg.

Damon looked up from his cursory examination of Nick’s foot and rolled his eyes. “Don’t be a baby. I just made sure your bandage was nice and tight. Chill out.”

“Do you have a medical degree? I don’t think so. Stop touching my foot.”

Damon stood up and unceremoniously dropped Nick’s injured right foot, wrapped in a fresh bandage, making it hit the steely cold side of the examination table.

He jumped up from where he sat. “JESUS F---” Nick bit his tongue as the curtains separating the examination room from the ER waiting room opened.

Tasha smiled knowingly as she walked to them. “Damon, stop torturing the patient,” she playfully admonished, “Even if he IS acting like a baby.”

He didn’t care if his face was all red from trying to keep his painful screaming at bay. Tasha walking into the room just made him forget everything.

Her dark hair was tied in a haphazard ponytail that bounced as she walked. She wore an old NSYNC t-shirt (no doubt from JC) and the shorts that he managed to pull off her bathroom counter. The whole look would’ve made anyone seem younger, more innocent. But on Tasha, no. His thoughts went from pain to ripping the t-shirt off and inviting her to join him on the examination table. Every single thought ended with her naked and in his arms.

Nick swallowed and cursed inwardly as he felt the not-so-faint stirring of an erection. Focus on the blood loss, Carter. Focus on the blood loss.

“Lattes, as requested, for my rescuers.” Handing a steaming cup of Starbucks coffee to Damon, she said, “The detectives are outside looking for you, D.”

Damon nodded as he moved toward the exit. “Is the cop still on the other side of that curtain?”

She nodded. “Guarding us diligently.”

“And he went with you to Starbucks?”

Tasha sighed before nodding again. “You know he did. I had to have a talk with him about personal space. He was breathing down my neck. Literally. Through his mouth. ”

“Good. You two behave. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

As soon as the other man left, Tasha’s attention was on him.

Her brown eyes zeroed in on his and he was a goner.

“You holding up okay?” she asked, her eyes full of concern as she came closer.

He nodded. “I’m fine.”

She grinned. “Girly screaming notwithstanding?”

He couldn’t help but smile back. “Careful now, I can sic the mouth breather on you.”

Her smile widened as she handed him his coffee. “I got you a skinny mocha. I figure you deserved a treat after all the heroics from this morning,” she said as he took the warm beverage. “It’s decaf though. You’ll be getting painkillers soon and caffeine may just keep you up.”

He nodded, his eyes not leaving hers. “You should’ve let the paramedics look at you, just to make sure you’re alright. Or at the very least, make sure you didn’t suffer from too much smoke inhalation.”

Her smile slipped before she shook her head. “Nick, I got out of there in time, thanks to you. You’re the one with the injured foot and burns on your arm,” she said softly, touching the bandages covering most of the tattoos and part of his shoulder tentatively.

He couldn’t help but follow the path her fingers made down his arm with his eyes. Her touch was soft, hesitant and, after hearing a slight hitch in her breath, too damn close. He took a quick drink from his coffee. “Did you, uh, get to call the house?”

“Yes,” she answered, her eyes still investigating the bandages, even though she had pulled her hand away. “Matty is back asleep and staying in JC’s room with him. The fire marshall just left and the insurance guys will be there in a couple of hours investigating the damage. I told JC we should be back by then.”

“And Mike? Is he there?” Nick asked, referring to the label’s head of security.

“Yes and he’s working with the police to figure out who threw that bottle through the balcony door.”

By the time the firemen and police got to the Compound, Nick and the other guys in his security team (who had come right behind Damon) had the blaze under control. It had still cost Nick some stitches on the side of his right foot from all the broken glass as well as second degree burns on his arm from running through the inflamed curtains to get to Tasha.

The police did confirm that the incendiary device tossed through Tasha’s balcony door was a homemade Molotov cocktail: a glass bottle filled with gasoline and a lit cloth wick. As soon as it made contact with the balcony glass door and broke, fire quickly spread throughout Tasha’s suite.

Unfortunately, no one could find the source of the fire. Damon’s team had been going through the Compound security tapes as well as combing the property for any clues to who it was, but it soon felt like Nick had made him up. There was no sign of an unauthorized person, not even footprints. If JC didn’t corroborate the story, Nick would’ve thought he was crazy.

Ultimately, the police decided, whoever it was that started the fire, was after Tasha and in the worst possible way.

Looking at Tasha now, she seemed unconcerned at the attempt on her life and more focused on him. He wasn’t complaining...at least not really. But this whole evening made him worried that the craziness had escalated quicker than either of them had even prepared for.

“Tash,” Nick said softly, his hand curving slightly on her shoulder to get her attention. “Can you look at me for a minute? We need to talk about this.”

She raised her head and gave him a slight frown when her eyes connected with his. “I was hoping I didn’t need to think about this until we got home.”

Nick’s mouth formed a thin line of concern. “Someone tried to burn you alive, Tash. We need to figure out who did it and why.”

She shook her head. “A part of me still doesn’t believe it, Nick. I mean, what did I ever do to warrant that kind of attention?”

“People have done more damage for less, Tash,” he said grimly. “The police are on the case and Leigh is handling the press. In the meantime, I need you to stay with me, at the house, while the investigation is ongoing. Okay?”

Tasha nodded and bit the inside of her lip.

“And no more talk about moving out of the Compound, at least in the next few days. Deal?”

She gave him a wry grin. “Deal.”

“We’ll finish your last few songs in the studio and talk about your show in Vegas next week. And Damon and I are teaching you some self defense moves.” Looking down at his bandaged foot, he gave her a wry grin. “Well, when I’m back on my feet, at least.”

Tasha opened her mouth to protest but Nick cut her off. “Security won’t be around forever. You need to be able to defend yourself if Damon and I aren’t around.”

“What about Matty? If I stay with you, won’t he be in danger too?”

Nick shook his head. “Don’t worry about Matty. Carter men can defend our women.”

That earned him a surprised smile from Tasha. “Barbarians, the lot of you.”

He was laughing as he pulled on her hand and entwined his fingers through hers. “Okay? To everything I said?”

She hesitated for a few heartbeats and nodded. Then she moved closer to Nick and tried to rub the few bits of soot off his face.

“What you did for me today...saving me like that,” Tasha said, her gaze on his cheek. “I don’t know how I could ever thank you. If you didn’t come when you did...”

Nick shook his head. “Don’t. It was purely a selfish act on my part, trust me,” he said, pulling her closer. “After all, there was no way I was going to lose my studio sparring partner that easily.”

Surprised at his playful answer, Tasha pulled her hand away and looked straight into his eyes with a grin. “Arguing turns you on, doesn’t it? Why am I not surprised.”

He returned her smile with his own playful one. He missed this, just the two of them, bantering, joking around...just the easy energy. And he missed having her so close. Right now, he could almost...

“I miss you.”

Nick blinked as Tasha said the same words he wanted to say. His eyes zeroed in on hers while her lips formed a half smile.

“I’m still...disappointed in everything that happened, don’t get me wrong. But I miss you. This. It used to be so easy between you and me.”

He nodded in understanding, touching her face. “Uncomplicated.”

“Fun.”

“And flirty. And fantastic.”

Tasha’s grin widened. “I always knew you were a poet.”

Nick laughed out loud and added, “You bring it out of me, Tash.” With a smile, he pulled her into his arms and dropped a kiss on the top of her head, briefly, softly. It was a kiss of apology, of promises. It said everything he couldn’t, at least for now.

*********

“I’m fine, Dad. Nick got me out just in time.” Tasha said as she sat down on the bed in the Marilyn room. The alarm company had just replaced her windows temporarily with bulletproof glass and kept it locked and secured. Mike and Nick had inspected signed off on the work as well as supervised the sealing of the other windows and doors to the house.

“Ashy, look!” Matty pointed to the big blue blob he had drawn on her iPad and smiled proudly. “Is puppy. Is blue!”

She smiled down at the toddler, who had promptly crawled next to her from his spot in the middle of the bed. “Wow, that’s a cool puppy, Matty. But who’s the puppy going to play with?”

He gave her a thoughtful look and nodded. “Make more puppy!” he said, before going back to his drawing.

“Are you staying somewhere safe? Maybe you should come back home. It’s safer here and...” her dad said over the phone, concern evident in his voice.

“Dad, Nick and I have it under control. And besides, I’m on a tight schedule to finish my album before I start my shows. I will see you in a few weeks though. Hang in there for me? In the meantime, Mike spoke to the Baltimore police and they have a plainclothes officer guarding you for the next little while. Just in case.”

“I’m worried about you, pumpkin.”

“Daddy, I promise I’m fine. I’ll call you everyday and keep you posted, okay? You focus on getting better.”

“You’ll be here for my next physical?”

She knew he was nervous in spite of the fact that he was getting better. The results of the physical will determine the next course of medication and treatment he was going to receive, and if it was good, that meant he only had a few weeks of maintenance medication before he was allowed to go home. If it was bad, then it meant possibly another three months of treatment.

“I wouldn’t miss it for anything, pops.”

As they talked for a few more minutes, she kept an eye on Matty’s new masterpiece. This kid really had Nick’s creativity, no question. At two years old, he was already drawing landscapes (at least she thought they looked like landscapes).

“Is Nick around anywhere? I need to update him on my conversation with his lawyers earlier today,” her dad asked, his voice shifting to professional mode.

“I think Nick’s downstairs, Dad, I can get him to---”

“I’m right here,” Nick said, walking into the room looking way too tired. He gave her a nod. “Is that your dad on the phone?”

“Yes, he has an update for you from the lawyers.”

Nick took the iPhone from her hand and collapsed on the bed next to Matty. “Mr. Callaghan. It’s Nick. You had some--oh of course. Jeff. You had an update for me?”

As Nick and her dad spoke, Tasha observed distractedly as he raised his bandaged foot slowly up the bed. He gave a slight frown, she assumed from the pain, but he remained focused on his conversation.  His normally tamed hair was standing on end, presumably from him running his fingers through it all day. Most importantly, his face reflected exhaustion. They’d been home for ten hours now and while she had a chance to catch up on some sleep, Nick had worked through the day with the police, his own security and the alarm company to make the beach house a veritable fortress.

She doubted he even had a chance to eat all day let alone take some pills for the pain.

“Do I have something on my face?”

Tasha snapped out of her reverie to see Nick wiping his cheeks of imaginary dirt as he put the phone down. “Oh. No. Sorry. I was just thinking.”

“About?”

“Erm. What did Dad say?”

Nick’s mouth slowly formed a knowing smile. “Really? You weren’t just thinking that. You had your ‘Nick’s going to think I’m meddling but I’ll say it anyway’ face.”

Tasha blinked and tried to look offended. “I don’t make a face like that.”

“Oh like you’re not making the ‘Jesus, I’m lying through my teeth’ face right now, huh?” His smile had blown into a grin.

She rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest. “You’re a poopie head.”

Beside her, Matty started giggling.

“You agree, don’t you, Matty?” Tasha pulled the toddler onto her lap and hugged him tight. “Daddy’s a poopie head?”

“Yes!” Matty burst into a renewed fit of laughter. “Daddy poopie!”

Nick raised his hand. “Hey hey. Come on now. In this family, we address each other with respect.” He sat up on the bed and tried to look menacing, his arms on his waist.

Tasha raised an eyebrow.

“That’s MR. Poopie head to you.”

Matty’s giggles were contagious. Pretty soon Tasha was laughing at the sheer happiness in the child’s voice and Nick soon followed.

“Poopie daddy,” Matty said in between giggles, burrowing himself against Tasha, as Nick pretended to growl menacingly at his son, pretending to have claws, ready to attack. “No, Daddy, no ticko!”

There was a glint in Nick’s eye as he crawled toward both of them, his eyes zeroing on her. She scrambled to move away, Matty’s squeals of glee from her lap distracting her temporarily from her mission. She wanted to keep as much distance between her and Nick before she drowned in those dangerous eyes again, and do something she’d ultimately regret.

As Nick got closer and the edge of the bed stopped her from moving any further, Tasha made the mistake of looking straight into Nick’s deep blues. Her breath caught in her throat as he gave her a wolfish grin. “Oh no, no, no. No tickles for me, you evil evil man,” she said -- breathed -- as she gave him the sternest look she could’ve ever managed, considering the circumstances.

Underneath her skin though, her pulse was racing.

Just as Nick sprung forward to grab both of them (for tickles, presumably), Matty chose that time to launch himself off her lap and back onto the bed to avoid his father, making Nick fall straight onto...well, HER.

She yelped as both of them fell off the bed, from the sheer force of his playful “attack”, in the process bumping his injured foot on the bedpost.

As they landed--on the carpet thankfully--she heard him suck in a breath and tighten his hold on her. Quickly rolling to his back and taking her with him, he effectively lessened the impact of the drop on her shoulder and made sure her weight was on him and not the carpet.

Tasha scrambled off him as soon as she could, understanding clearly that he could’ve jostled his bandages as well as landed on his burns.

As soon as she sat up, she touched his bandage covered right arm, and looked at his foot for any obvious sign of blood and...

A blur in green and blue pajamas, Matty decided at that point to jump off the bed and land on his father’s stomach, bottom first.

Nick released the breath he’d been clearly holding and opened his eyes wide in surprise.

Oblivious to his father’s discomfort, Matty continued laughing, settled on Nick and announced, “Ticko fye!!” before proceeding to jab his little fingers on Nick’s sides.

“Oh, Matty, baby,” Tasha started, trying to pull the toddler off Nick, “Daddy can’t...”

“Oh Daddy definitely can,” Nick said, his evil grin identical to Matty’s. To her amazement, Nick’s initial look of pain had turned quickly into mischief as he treated his son to the most enthusiastic tickle fight known to man.

Tasha blinked and wondered if he DID have his painkillers after all. This man had the same energy as his 2 year old. He can’t be sane. Or at least off meds.

And really, would they have spared Tasha? She was still trying to wrap her head around his quick recovery from the fall when the duo turned to her and launched an arsenal of tickle torture tactics that had her collapsing on the floor, protecting her sensitive areas from attack, scream-laughing while they did it.

“You guys, I’m going to pee my pants, stop,” she begged breathlessly, as she tried--unsuccessfully--to roll away from Nick and Matty. Nick’s hold on her hip was solid.

Nick’s smile was all teeth. “Are you crying ‘uncle’? Because clearly,” he said, his fingers snaking up her side, inadvertently touching a sensitive part of her waist. “You’re no tickle ninja.”

Busy as she was trying to get away from him, she caught the playful glint in his eye and laughed in spite of herself.

“Tashy need diapo!” Matty declared, crawling in between her and Nick and playfully started jabbing her just under her arms in a move that was classic tickle mastery. “Matty ticko king!”

She tried to squirm away, she did. But when that failed, she gave up the fight and pulled Matty off her, sat up and dropped a raspberry on the little boy’s tummy.

His squeals were like music to her ears. And Nick’s apparently, as he collapsed next to her and smiled at the picture the two of them must have made, trying to catch his own breath.

“Tashy inna wowa,” Matty gasped as he laughed, clearly overjoyed at the turn of events, he didn’t care if he was understood.

“Right back atcha, dude,” Tasha said, putting Matty down and back on her lap. Turning her head to Nick, she was just about to make a sassy comment about his weak ninja skills when the look on his face took her breath away.

His gaze was on her, intently, almost as if he was having an internal monologue with himself, his eyes searing into hers. He’d never looked at her this way before, not with this much...longing.

“Well this looks cozy,” JC drawled from the doorway, making the three of them look up in surprise.

“Unca C! Matty ticko king!” Matty raised his hands in triumph.

“Tickle king, huh? You get that from me,” JC answered with a smile. “And as for you two losers, break it up. Mike and the Doroughs are here and they need you two downstairs. There seem to be new developments.” He also cocked his head, indicating he wanted them to hurry up. “Also, Howie brought dinner, and I’m hungry, bro.”

Tasha felt Nick stiffen against her as he sat up. “Good developments or bad?” he asked JC.

He shrugged. “I’m not sure. I guess that’s why they want to talk.” He turned to Tasha who had hopped up and was now helping Nick on his feet. “Leigh said she bought some ‘Whole Foods approved vegan shit’ for you.” JC grinned. “Her words, not mine.”

She smiled at JC but saw Nick wince then grit his teeth as he straightened and picked up Matty, who wanted to be carried.

“Come on,” Nick said, any trace of playfulness gone and in its place a seriousness that she’d come to know as his stubborn determination to get his way. “We shouldn’t keep them waiting.”

As he led the charge out of the Marilyn room, JC pulled Tasha aside, making sure Nick was well beyond earshot.

“What was that?”

Tasha looked at him, confused. “What was what?”

Nick came back into the room, realizing, she guessed, that they weren’t following behind him. “Are you guys coming?”

Nodding, JC said, “We’ll be down in a minute.”

Nick gave Tasha a quick glance and nodded. “Don’t be too long,” he said curtly before disappearing with Matty.

JC turned back to her with a look that could only be described as curious. “That smoldering look Nick was giving you. Are you two back on?”

Tasha shrugged and refused to meet his eyes. “I’m sure I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she replied, walking back to the bed and grabbing her abandoned phone.

Leaning against the bedpost, JC raised an eyebrow. “Liar liar, pants on fire,” he sang with a knowing grin.

“It was just a look, C,” she answered, rolling her eyes at him. “It doesn’t mean anything.”

JC crossed his arms over his chest. “Tasha. Please. It’s me you’re talking to. I call bullshit.”

“YOU’RE bullshit,” she said, sticking her tongue out at him, at the same time collapsing on the bed, betraying her casual answer.

“Tash?” he asked, concerned as he sat next to her.

“Today was confusing, JC. I’m just trying to wrap my head around it, that’s all.” she said quietly, her gaze focused on the hands on her lap. “He says he can’t be with me but today...today he saved me.”

She looked up at him with uncertainty. “What if he changed his mind? What if he---”

JC shook his head and took her hands in his. “Baby. Listen to yourself. Do you really want someone who’s still in love with someone else?”

She sighed and fell back on the bed. “What if he doesn’t really love her? What if he’s hanging onto her because he doesn’t know anything else?”

“Tasha...”

She shook her head and closed her eyes. “I know. I’m being ridiculous. I just...” She opened her deep brown eyes and stared at JC’s concerned blues. “He deserves to be happy, JC. He makes others happy...why can’t he take that for himself?”

She saw JC nod, and frown. It seemed like hours but he spoke again, this time, as he stood up and offered his hand to her. “I need to show you something. Will you come with me?”

Tasha hesitated for a few heartbeats then took his hand and allowed him to pull her up. Clasping her hand tightly in his, they walked out of the Marilyn room to the other end of the hallway...to Nick’s bedroom.

She hesitated at the dark doorway. “JC, I don’t think Nick would like this.”

JC tightened his hold on her hand as he pulled it closer, just as he pulled her through the darkness.

The first thing that assailed Tasha’s senses was the smell of Nick: the musky, woodsy scent that wrapped around her when he was near, the smell of fresh soap and sweat when they were together in the dark.

Then, JC turned the lights on.

And what she saw was the last thing she expected.

The massive master suite was filled with comfortable, soft furniture: the fabric chaise by the window, the printed headboard, the tall four poster king sized bed.

But that wasn’t what surprised her. What surprised her was the amount of feminine touches that seemed to be everywhere, from the floral throws on the chaise, to the light lacy curtains to the pastel tinted duvet that covered the bed.

And atop the headboard was a massive photograph that spanned the entire wall: Nick and Faith’s wedding photo.

God they were a beautiful couple. Faith’s flowing blonde hair was done up in a loose updo but a few curls hung on the side of her face. She was laughing at something off camera, leaning into Nick as her eyes shimmered with glee. Nick had an arm around her waist and his head propped on her shoulder, nuzzling her neck with his eyes closed in loving ecstasy.

He seemed happy, the happiest she’d ever seen him. As Tasha walked over to the side of the bed hesitantly, feeling her heart sinking, she realized that whatever delusions she had about Nick being her hero...he was Faith’s first.

“He hasn’t changed anything in here, Tash, since Faith died.” JC’s voice was quiet but carried throughout the whole room. “He’s just living, suspended in time.”

“Nothing? Not even--”

JC shook his head pretty quickly. “You see that pile of paper on the dresser there?” he asked, pointing to the other end of the room. “That was a pile of receipts Faith had taken out of her purse the last time they were here. And that book open face down on the bedside table? She had been reading that before they left.”

JC walked to the chaise near the window. “And this?” he said, touching a silk robe draped on the back. “This was hers. And it hasn’t moved in two years. NICK hasn’t moved it in two years.”

Unbidden, Tasha’s eyes filled with tears. She gritted her teeth to keep them from falling but her heart was aching for him, for this pain that was clearly still in his life.

“He blames himself, you know.” JC said, looking out the window, not noticing the torment that Tasha was going through. “For her death. He’s never forgiven himself.”

“Why?”

He turned and his sad eyes connected with her own.  “I don’t know. You’ll probably need to ask him yourself.”

As he walked toward her, she asked, “Do you miss her?”

“Every day. But right now, I miss Nick more,” JC declared quietly. “Sometimes, when he’s with you, I see his old playful self and wish to God that he’d let himself go and be happy.”

Tasha looked around and then back to JC. “But he’s not ready.”

He clutched her upper arms. “That’s what I’m trying to tell you, Tash. I don’t want you waiting for him to realize he loves you. Because he’s stuck in a time warp and nobody can take him out of there but himself.”

Her heart hurt. It was tough facing the truth but here it was. Her hero, the man she thought she loved, was still grieving and until he forgave himself, there was no chance at all for the two of them.

“Baby, Nick is a good guy. He will never intentionally hurt you. But you need to move on from him, for your own good. He will fight for you when he’s fought his own demons.”

JC was right, of course. JC was always right. She collapsed against his chest as he pulled her into a rough embrace.

As a tear rolled down her cheek, JC ran her hand up and down her back, a small comforting gesture.

“But I’m right here, Tash. Always. Okay?”

She nodded and held him tight. She should be grateful for having such a good friend in JC but right now, all she could think about was how, after tonight, everything in Baltimore made sense: his rudeness before he left, his discomfort at running into his in laws...the ring that was back on his finger.

Her chest tightened with emotion. Not for her but for his pain and hoped to God that he found the strength to heal.

 

 

Chapter 19

“So what did Callaghan say?” Mike said as he sat down across the table from Nick. Keeping an eye on Matty who was sitting in his high chair the other end of the table playing with three-year-old James, he handed the much larger man a plate.

“He told me the FBI shut down three sites that were getting ready to make Tasha’s tapes downloadable. They also have outstanding warrants for two others for violation of intellectual property.”

MIke nodded. “That’s not going to hold them for too long, I imagine.”

Nick downed a big gulp of his beer. “We have maybe a week.”

Howie chimed in from the kitchen a few feet away. “Any leads on who leaked it?”

Nick shook his head. “They’re still trying to locate Belinda, she may have some answers. But apparently, not even the collective power of Washington can pull her out of hiding.”

“How’s Tasha? Is she freaked out? Because I’m honestly still freaked out when I heard about the fire,” Leigh said from her seat next to her son. She was trying to feed him but he was too distracted playing with Matty to pay attention to his mother. “And she hasn’t answered any of my text messages. Is she okay?”

Nick nodded and fought against the urge to go upstairs and figure out what’s taking JC and Tasha so long. “She’s fine. She’s been busy looking after Matty while Damon and I met with the window and alarm folks today.”

Howie put the platters of Mexican food on the table. “I THOUGHT you had new windows. It seemed different.”

“Bullet proof, all of them,” Nick confirmed, handing Howie a plate as he sat next to his wife. “Plus a new alarm system. That bastard is going to friggin’ jail the next time he attempts to do some damage to my property.”

Mike chimed in, “And your woman.”

Nick blinked and dismissed Mike’s statement. “She’s not my woman. She’s a good friend. And I don’t want anyone under my protection to be in any kind of danger.”

He didn’t miss the look Leigh shot her husband.

“What was your news, Mike? Did you hear from the police?”

He nodded. “We need to wait until Tasha’s here. She’ll want to hear this too.”

“I’m here, I’m here!” Tasha said, bouncing down the nearby staircase with JC right behind her. “Sorry, JC and I got carried away talking.”

Nick stood up and pulled the chair out from next to him. “Sit. Are you hungry?”

She walked around him to greet their visitors. Throwing tight hugs to Mike, Howie and a long one for Leigh, she offered James a kiss as well as a hug for Matty.

Nick frowned. Was he imagining things or was she not meeting his eyes?

“Oh thank the good lord for you Doroughs. Mexican food.” JC blew kisses across the table as he sat down next to Matty. “I love all of you,” he declared as he grabbed two massive tacos from the platter in front of him. “You wouldn’t happen to have margaritas to go with these tacos would you?”

Nick sat down as soon as Tasha settled in the seat next to him. “All of this is vegan, C,” Nick announced, just as his brother-in-law was about to have a bite. “Just so you know.”

Comically, the taco that was inches away from JC’s mouth stopped mid-rise. With a frown, JC’s eyes narrowed as he turned to Nick. “Way to kill a boner, a-hole.”

“You had news, Mike?” Tasha asked, keeping the attention on the business at hand. “I hope it’s good news.”

Mike shrugged. “There’s some good and there’s some not-so-good. Which one do you want me to hit you with first?”

Tasha smiled at everyone around the table. “I think we could all use some good news.”

Mike nodded and took out an envelope from behind him. “So the police have a person of interest in custody for the fire this morning.” He pulled out a photo of an unfamiliar man, making Tasha frown.

Nick leaned forward and looked at the photograph closely. “Are we supposed to know who this person is?”

“And what do you mean ‘person of interest’?” Tasha asked.

“His name is Clarence Dare. Someone ID’d him walking down the beach late last night, walking this way. His car was parked next to the boardwalk two blocks down with traces of gasoline in the front seat as well as some other pieces that would make it easy to make that molotov cocktail. The cops are trying to see if his prints match the ones found on the bottle fragments from the fire.”

Nick frowned. “Has he been charged yet?”

“Not officially. He was invited to go to the station but apparently he has an alibi. That’s why he’s still considered a person of interest and not an actual suspect. They can only hold him for 24 hours.”

Tasha was still confused. “But who is he? I don’t think I know him or...” She turned to Nick. “Does he look familiar to you?”

“No.” Taking the photograph into his hands, he showed it to everyone else on the table. “Anyone else recognize this guy?”

Everyone shook their heads. JC looked closer and said, “He does look familiar but maybe he lives around here?”

“That’s the not-so-good news,” Mike said, clearing his throat. “He used to go by another name, one that Tasha might recognize. John Clarence Finkel.”

At that, Tasha’s face lost all color and a panicked look took residence in her eyes.

“Johnny Fink!” JC exclaimed next to her. “I know that dude! He used to manage our NSYNC tours. Timberfro and I used to play poker with him and his wife all the time. He took care of the whole tour operation and his wife handled the PR...you know, booking interviews in each city and stuff.” His smile grew, impressed at himself for remembering. “Oh man, Joey and I tried to sleep with her all the time.”

Nick gave JC a stern look before focusing on Tasha. “Tasha, do you remember who he is?”

She nodded, still looking like she was trying to wrap the information around her head. “I do.” Looking up at Nick, her face was grim, ashen, almost like she’d seen a ghost.

“Who is he?”

“He’s Belinda’s husband.”

*********

Johnny Finkel. Tasha hadn’t heard that name in years and yet it felt like it was yesterday when his name fell like a curse from Belinda’s lips.

“You can’t just leave me, Tash. We promised we were--” Belinda’s hand closed in on Tasha’s arm as she tried to walk away and finally get on her plane to Baltimore. She needed to be with her mother, who was suddenly irreversibly sick.

It took everything in her not to shake it off. “Bee, please, we agreed. This was going to end after the tour.”

“That’s two weeks from now, baby. I can go with you, to Baltimore. Help you through this thing with your mom...”

“Bee, my mother is sick. I can’t...we need to end this now. We talked about this.” Tasha slowly pulled away, eager to get to her gate. “Look, my flight is boarding. Bee, just...we’re done. I’m sorry.”

“I love you, Tasha, I can’t go back to Johnny. I need you,” she clung desperately as Tasha took two steps away. “I’ll do whatever you want. Just...don’t leave me.”

Tasha pulled the other woman close. “Belinda. Listen to me. I have no time for this. I am trying to get to my mother. We were good together but I’m going to Baltimore and you’re still married. It was a stupid fling on a stupid tour. We need to let it go.”

Belinda was incensed. “How dare you. I tell you I love you and all you say is we had a STUPID fling?”

“Bee...please. Can we talk about this another time?”

“No we can’t! You are so selfish, you can’t even think about what your decision is doing to me. I can’t believe I ever thought you felt anything for me.”

“Jesus, Bee, stop with the drama.”

“Fuck you, and fuck your family. I can’t believe I was going to leave Johnny for you. Fuck you.” Her anger made her start screaming in the middle of the airport at the top of her lungs. Tasha had been livid.

Tasha’s palm connected with her cheek sharply. “Don’t you ever talk like that about my family again,” she hissed.

It was the crazed look in Belinda’s eyes that she couldn’t forget. That and her parting words. “At least Johnny Finkel loves me enough to fight for me. Trust me, we will RUIN you.”

“...contacted you at all?” Nick’s voice invaded her thoughts and she shook off the chill that suddenly went up her back.

Tasha crossed her arms over her chest, distractedly. “I’m sorry? I didn’t hear your question.”

Nick leaned closer to her and  touched her goosebump filled arm. “You okay?”

She fairly jumped away from him, his contact on her skin electric. She leaned closer to JC. “Yeah, I, uh. Sorry, I was just surprised, that’s all.”

Mike looked at her curiously. “I’m assuming you’ve never met before.”

She shook her head. “No. We hired Belinda over the phone and she went straight on tour with us without us meeting her husband. They were based in Miami at that time.”

“He never saw a show on the road? No stops in Miami?”

She shook her head again. “We stopped in Florida but only as far south as Tampa. He didn’t make it to any show.”

Nick continued to look at her. “Did you remember something? Is there maybe a connection here that we should know? Outside of Belinda?”

“No, but, uh,” She looked at JC, who gave her a smile of support. “The last time I saw her...she made a threat. Something like both she and Johnny  would ruin me.” She shrugged. “I didn’t think much of it until now because I always thought she got her revenge by leaking those tapes the first time.”

“But now...” Mike urged.

“Now, it’s possible that it’s his turn.”

Nick impatiently turned to Mike. “What do the police know? About this guy.”

“Not much more than I’ve told you. Apparently he moved to the Valley a few weeks ago, from Miami. He lives with a cousin of sorts and it’s that guy that gave him an alibi for early this morning.”

“And Belinda?” Tasha asked in a hushed voice. “Has anyone located her yet?”

It was Nick’s turn to shake his head. “No, I was just telling them before you and JC came down that your dad said there was no luck locating her.”

“Her last known address was still Miami, at least up until two months ago. Then apparently, she filed for divorce from Johnny and moved out.”

Tasha tried to digest Mike’s statement. Was it a coincidence that the divorce timed perfectly with her rising Youtube fame?

Leigh spoke up. “I know what you’re thinking, Tash,” she said quietly. “You think this has something to do with your new singing career.”

“Maybe. The timing can’t be coincidental.” Tasha leaned back against the seat and started picking on her fingernails absently. “I’ve been in hiding for five years and coming back into the spotlight...maybe they had a bigger plan? That they were just waiting to find me?”

Leigh released a sigh. “Oh sweetie, I’m so sorry.” She extended her hand to offer comfort to her friend. “I still can’t believe someone would want to harm you, especially since you’re such a wonderful person.”

Tasha inadvertently laughed--or groaned. She wasn’t quite sure. “Oh, Leigh. Don’t feel too bad for me. I made a lot of bad decisions on that tour. Everything that’s happening right now is pretty much what I expected would happen.”

Leigh looked at Nick and scoffed, “Not everything.”

Nick thankfully ignored Leigh. “JC, how well did you know Johnny and his wife?”

“During the tours, we hung out pretty regularly, me and Johnny. He, uh, would hook me up with whatever we needed. You know.” He gave Tasha a sheepish grin. “But his wife, not so much. I mean, only the occasional poker game. Otherwise, she was a bitch on heels to anyone else on the tour that wasn’t us.” He shrugged. “I always wondered what Johnny saw in her outside of her looks. There was one time she went on a rant and screamed at Faith when she found her on the bus. She didn’t realize she was my sister.”

Tasha noticed Nick’s jaw harden at the mention of his wife’s name.

“You both need to make a statement with the police,” Mike said, his phone already out and calling the police station. “They would want more cause to detain Finkel. Are you both okay with me getting the detectives to come here?”

JC turned to Tasha before answering. “Tash?”

Taking a deep breath, she covered his hand with hers and nodded to Mike. “The sooner this is over with, the better. How soon can they get here?”

“Let me check.” Mike stood up and talked on his phone as he exited the kitchen. “Hi, Detective? It’s Mike from the Carter Compound ni Malibu. I have new information you might be interested in regarding Johnny Finkel...”

As soon as Mike left the room, Tasha started tapping her fingers on the table, distracted by her own thoughts.

The sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach intensified at the thought of Johnny Finkel so close to her. She’d never really thought he was a threat. They were practically divorced when Tasha met Belinda. But something about this whole situation reeked of revenge and Tasha was the unfortunate target.

“Tash.”

She shook her way out of her thoughts and looked at Nick, whose soft voice broke through her concentration. “Yes, Nick.”

“We don’t have to stay here. If you don’t feel safe in Malibu, we can go somewhere else, anywhere in the world. Just say the word.”

Howie nodded. “That’s a great idea, Nick. I think you guys deserve a vacation. Leigh and I have a place in Maui and it’s just five hours to get there. I can get you on the corporate jet in thirty minutes.”

“And my pad in Vegas. We can fly there right away. And maybe get you distracted with the shows and casinos.” JC volunteered. “I hear the Chippendales have a really popular show on the strip.”

Tasha saw Nick give JC a dirty look. “Jesus, JC, know when to shut the eff up.”

Her hand covered Nick’s in an effort to stop the animosity before it started. “Nick. Thank you for the offer but I’d rather stay here, if that’s okay.”

Nick nodded and laced his fingers with hers. “Are you sure?”

She nodded. “I’m positive. The police are on it, you’ve gone to the expense of upgrading security and really, this is home. So if there was any other place in the world that I’d feel safe in, it’s with you guys.”

Nick squeezed her hand even as she tried to move away from his hold.

“And besides,” she added, straightening her back and looking at Nick straight in the eye. “I’m done running away from those two. If they want a fight, a fight is what they’ll get.”

*********

Nick heard the beeping of the new alarm system and waited for the requisite two red lights to stop blinking. According to the security manual, two blinking red lights meant the doors were locked and the alarm engaged. Good.

Checking the iPhone app that allowed him to see all the security cameras around the house, everything seemed clear and quiet. The security guys were doing double duty and he could see some of them on the beach and some by the front door.

2:17 AM. It was late but he couldn’t seem to fall asleep. He had tried to get to bed after putting Matty down finally at 10 but with JC and Tasha doing an impromptu session at the studio, he ended up watching from the engineering booth until they were both done for the night.

Leigh said he was being too protective. “You need to let her do her thing, Nick,” she told him before leaving. “Don’t smother her. She’s already trying not to freak out.”

“I worry, okay?” he said back, watching Tasha and JC huddled in conversation as they walked back to the dining room after seeing the Doroughs off.

“I know but you need to stop giving her mixed signals. She’s trying to protect herself and you’re not making it easy.”

“I’m not trying to hurt her.”

“Baby, you already have. But if you want her to trust you again, you’re going to have to back off and  give her some breathing room.”

“What if she doesn’t want breathing room? What if--”

Howie patted Nick on the back. “Buddy. Stop trying to be everyone’s hero. You’re doing your best. Just let things unfold as they should.” He pulled the younger man in for a hug. “We love you, man. Get some sleep. You look terrible.”

“And you smell like tacos,” Leigh laughed as she went in for a hug, James asleep in her arms. “Don’t forget to change your bandage after you shower.”

Nick gave a fake long suffering sigh. “Okay, MOM.” He hugged her back tightly, betraying the lightness he was trying to show everyone. “I love you guys. Thanks for coming over.”

The Doroughs left when the police did and because Tasha’s nerves seemed a little more overwrought than usual, JC suggested a short jam session in the studio, just to loosen her up. After a few shots of vodka and some freedom with the banjos, Tasha soon started laughing as JC played the piano and both of them did a rousing rendition of Dexys Midnight Runners’ “Come on Eileen”.

Thinking that he was giving her the space Leigh said she needed, Nick didn’t make his presence known in the studio. He just watched...for hours he watched, in one darkened corner as the duo fooled around with a camera and shot footage for a potential YouTube video.

Tasha’s smile drew him in consistently. With JC, she was carefree, happy and as bright as the sun. And, remembering what happened over dinner, with Nick she was tentative, distant and maybe a little cold.

It wasn’t always like this. From her first time in the Compound, he felt he could read her like a book. But now, after the disaster that was their time in Baltimore, all he wanted to do was apologize to her for the rest of his life and...

“Go to bed, Nick.”

He almost jumped and dropped his phone. He didn’t really expect anyone to be here in the dark. Suddenly, a light flashed on his face.

“It’s 2 AM. Whatcha still doing up, boy?” He recognised Damon’s low voice a second after the light was turned off. Adjusting his eyes to the sudden darkness, he found the older man sitting by the couch in the living room.

“I should ask you the same thing. Shouldn’t you be at home right now? You’re supposed to be off duty until tomorrow night.”

He nodded. “I couldn’t leave. Not until the idiot who set the fire is still out there, possibly. I’m staying here, keeping watch.”

Nick gave him a slight smile. “I see I’m not the only one who’s overprotective around here.”

Damon grunted and turned his flashlight back on to resume his reading. “Go to bed, boy. Everyone else has.”

“Yes sir.” After a quick salute, Nick went up the stairs. However, instead of turning left to go to his room, he checked Tasha’s room one last time.

The hallway was dark and no light came from underneath her door, which he expected. What he didn’t expect was that the door was slightly ajar.

Slowly, he walked up to the Marilyn room and opened the door wider, listening for any sound of struggle or just really the sound of anything other than Tasha’s breathing.

Thankfully, after a cursory look around from the doorway, everything seemed good. Tasha was buried deep underneath her duvet, her eyes closed, her hair spread out against the white pillowcase.

On her nightstand, she had an open book, which had been lying facedown. Her phone, however, seemed to be on the floor.

Nick walked into the room to pick up the discarded phone and placed it on her nightstand.

Just as he was about to walk away, he spied some movement underneath the sheets.

“Can’t sleep either?”

He looked up, ignored the way his pulse raced just a little bit faster and saw deep brown eyes staring at him. He smiled.

“I’ve been ready for bed for a good three hours. No luck.” Space, he thought. Give her some space.

She gave him a slight smile as she sat up and opened the light next to her. “I think maybe I got too worked up in the studio to sleep. It’s not the first time I’ve been really excited after a session with JC.”

Nick ended up leaning against the bedpost at the foot of the bed, listening to her sleep-filled voice. “You left your door open. I just, uh, I just wanted to make sure everything was okay.”

She nodded slowly, seemingly noticing the way his hands immediately went inside his pajama  pockets.

“Is everything okay, Nick? You look...uncomfortable.”

He smiled slightly. “It’s just been a long day, and I think you and I need some rest.” Smoothing her duvet, he straightened, getting ready to walk out the door. Her nearness was causing havoc on his mind and his body and he needed out of there before he went mental. “Well, okay. Good night. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Nick.”

Her husky whisper was almost his undoing. “Yes Tasha.” He didn’t dare turn around.

“Did I do anything wrong? To upset you? It’s just...you don’t usually rush away when we’re talking.”

She sounded confused. “No. No, of course not. I’m just trying to give you some space.” He turned around and smiled weakly, noticing how the covers had dropped ever so slightly to reveal her Ramones tank top.Her very tight Ramones tank top.

“I don’t think it’s space I need right now,” she said lightly.

“Do you want me to stay with you tonight?” He heard her laugh unexpectedly so he raised his hands in self-defense. “Hey now. What’s so funny?”

“Sorry. JC asked me the same exact question before he went to bed.” She grinned and shook her head. “Somehow, when he said it, it sounded like the dirtiest come on known to man.”

That startled a smile out of him. “Well, we all know JC is the youngest dirty old man in the universe. How he still gets women, I don’t know.” He paused. “You said no, of course.”

She stayed him with a look. “Come on. I’m arguably smart enough to say no to JC.” Smile. “Arguably.”

“You haven’t said no to ME yet, so your genius is still in question,” he said, walking back to the bed with a devilish glint in his eyes.

Her smile weakened. “Well, you’re not quite as easy to say no to.”

They looked at each other for a few heartbeats before Tasha cleared her throat. “I’m going to say something I’ve been thinking about since earlier this evening. And after I’m done, I want you to think hard about whether or not you want to ask me that question again. Okay?”

Slowly, he nodded.

“I love you. I know that for a fact now. I think I’ve been in love with you since we met. But somehow, tonight, after everything that’s happened, I realized that what I feel for you is more than fireworks, more than a quick tumble in the sack, more than anger after a heartbreak. What I feel for you is that all-consuming ‘I want you in my life forever’ kind of love. The kind that puts up a fight. The kind that you had with Faith.”

Nick felt his mind go blank at her statement. She loved him?

“But I also understand that you need to heal and I get that. I do. But nights like tonight, when things like the fire and crazy people are keeping both of us up, I think we both just need a respite from the confusion of everything and just be together. Nothing complicated. Just...comfort.”

Did she even realize what she was offering him? “I don’t want to hurt you again, Tash,” he told her in a pained voice.

“I know, but nothing hurts more than loving someone who can’t love you back. So we’re good.” She looked at him with a slight smile. “You can walk away, Nick. Or ask your question again. It’s up to you.”

He wanted to run up to her and shake her senseless. Or devour her with his mouth. Or, if he were less messed up, he would tell her he loved her too.

She was beautiful. In the soft light, her wavy brown hair framed her face almost lovingly. Her eyes, bright with emotion, were honest and open. He couldn’t take advantage of all of that. It would make him just like the other people in her life who hurt her. He wanted to be different. He wanted to be...

Her hero. Goddammit.

He turned around and walked to the door before he changed his mind.

Behind him, he heard her softly say, “Good night, Nick.”

It was the hitch in her voice that made him stop with his hand on the doorknob and look back around.

“Tasha.”

Her eyes were on him again, waiting.

“Do you want me to stay with you tonight?” he asked breathlessly. What was he doing? That wasn’t the plan. He was supposed to be a gentleman. He couldn’t take advantage of Tasha and---

But she nodded, the look in her eyes becoming hotter by the second. She slid across the bed and opened the covers as an invitation.

“Nick.” His name on her lips sounding almost like a prayer. “Lock the door and come to bed.”

At that point, he was a goner.

When the lock clicked, Nick turned and walked back to Tasha, making it the longest, most torture-filled march he’d ever taken. He took off his shirt but kept his pajama bottoms on, already visualizing his hot skin on hers.  She didn’t take her eyes off him, almost as if she was memorizing every single part of him. He loved that. He loved that right this moment, he wanted her as much as she wanted him.

No. That wasn’t true. There was no way that she could want him any more than he wanted to rip everything off her right this minute. Her slow smile drove him insane. It was a challenge, he thought. She was testing him and his control.

She raised an eyebrow as Nick pushed the covers almost off the bed, to see her. All of her. He wasn’t disappointed.

Leaning back against the pillows, Tasha’s top stretched against her chest. His eyes followed where it ended and saw the smooth skin of her stomach, the lacy edge of her underwear, and good lord, the curved length of her legs, miles and miles of them.

“Turn off the light,” she whispered as he crawled to her.

He practically growled, “No.” He ran his finger across the top of her breasts lightly, wanting to feel her skin. “I want to see you.”

Her face flushed pink as she licked her lips.

He was on top of her in a matter of seconds, capturing her lips in a stunningly sexy open mouthed kiss. He heard her gasp as his tongue invaded her mouth, coaxing her tongue to come out and play.

He felt her hands on him, impatient, everywhere. But his hands stayed where they were for a while, cradling her face, kissing her until he lost breath, biting her lower lip teasingly then kissing her again like he’d hadn’t had a drink of her in years.

She raised her hips to get closer. And her hands...they started to travel lower.

He caught them and pinned both of them above her head, against the headboard. “Patience, baby,” he said against her ear, his other hand dipping into her panties and touching her already wet sex. She thrust against his fingers and moaned. “Let me--”

He took a surprised breath as soon as her teeth closed in on his earlobe, scraping, lightly licking. “Jesus, Tash,” he managed to say before dropping his head for another hot kiss.

Her hands fought against his hold but he was determined to keep her wanting more. “Keep those hands up, darling,” he said, moving down to drop kisses down her neck. “If you do, I promise it’ll  be worth it.”

Tasha’s eyes closed as she purred.

“You promise?” she asked shakily, not even bothering to open her eyes.

At that, Nick’s thumb brushed against her clit, making her practically come on the spot.

“I do.” To punctuate his statement, he pushed a finger in her, the pressure of it making her gasp and fall back against the pillows.

She was helpless against his touch. Letting go of her arms, his hand pulled down her top to free one breast. Shit. He wanted to devour her whole. As his tongue teased a pattern around her nipple, his thumb continued to tease her clit, feeling the pressure slowly building.

Her breathing became more erratic. “Nick. I can’t...not without you...” Tasha was bucking against his hand helplessly, as his rubbing intensified and the continued in and out motion of his finger made her hips start gyrating.

When he felt her peaking, his teeth scraped her nipple while his hand increased the pressure on her pelvis.

“Tash,” he hissed against the soft side of her breast. She was wild with release, which seemed to go on forever. “You are goddamn amazing,” he breathed as she pulled him up and bit into his shoulder, to keep herself from screaming as she came.

She sighed as she relaxed against him and he collapsed with her on the bed. Entwining one of her hands with his, she opened her eyes.

“You should come with a warning label, Nick,” she said quietly, touching her chest, almost to will her pulse to slow down. “Those fingers were incredible.”

He gave her a wolfish grin and dropped his gaze on her torso. “And I didn’t even have to get you naked.”

With that, he tore through the scrap of lace that held her panties together and tossed them aside. “I can’t promise that in the next round though,” he said as his hand slid against the soft skin of her thigh. “Which starts right...now.”

As he swooped down to capture her mouth in another tumultuous kiss, he vowed to make tonight a night neither of them would ever forget. Reality may interfere once daylight came but right now, in this room, they were each other’s life line, and he’d be damned if he was going to let go of her that easily.

 

Chapter 20

It was the persistent buzzing near her ear that woke her from deep sleep. Trying to stay cocooned under the covers, her hand shot out and tried to find the source of the noise.

“‘Lo?” Tasha said sleepily as she pressed her phone’s screen and answered the call. What time was it and why was anyone calling her at this hour?

She heard the giggling first. “Good morning to you too, sunshine. You’re running late for our yoga date. Also, why is it so dark?”

Another voice chimed in, “Do you think she knows we’re on Facetime?”

Tasha’s eyes opened suddenly. “Oh shit.” Scrambling from under the covers, Tasha brushed hair off her face and frantically tried to cancel the video call.

“Ah ah! Don’t you dare! Friends don’t hang up on friends on Facetime. It makes us think you’ve got something to hide.” Tasha saw Leigh’s smiling face.

Tasha frowned and narrowed her eyes. “You’re a bitch.”

Leigh tossed her head back and laughed. “But I’m your favourite bitch.”

Rochelle’s dark hair showed up on the side of the screen. “Hey. Nobody told me we were doing nicknames!”

Tasha practically squealed in surprise. “Ro ro! Baby girl, I’ve missed you!”

“That’s because nobody invites me when fun stuff starts happening. Like sex tapes and shit.” Her mock frown made Tasha laugh. “And what’s this I hear about you and the Gos?”

Tasha grinned. “Oh you heard that?” Under the sheet, she felt a hand tighten on her hip. She jumped, almost dropping the phone. “Ah!”

Nick’s playful grin greeted her as he emerged from under the covers, kicking the duvet off both of them. Her heart started racing at the look of pure evil in his eyes.

Dropping her phone onto her shoulder, she mouthed “Go, I’m on the phone,” and slapped his hand lightly off her hip.

He shook his head, his hair standing on end and gave her a devilish grin.

“Hey, what happened? Where’d you go?” Leigh’s voice came muffled through the covered phone speaker.

Tasha frowned at him to make sure he knew she was serious, but with a few light kisses on her abdomen, she was already feeling the growing heat between her legs.

“Guys, can I call you back?” she said distractedly as she looked back into her phone. “There’s, uh, something crawling on my bed.”

“Oh. Eww.” Leigh made a face. “Wait, before you go, Ro and I have good news!”

She gave Nick a quick glance and saw that he was slowly making his way to her on all fours, with eyes decidedly wicked. She gave him a warning glance and promptly wiggled away from him, inadvertently kicking him on the shin.

He exclaimed “Oof” before she could cover his mouth with her free hand.

“What’s, uh,” she said back on the phone, trying her best not to look ruffled by Nick’s teasing. “What’s the good news?”

“So you know we’ve been trying to get a few designers to sponsor your tour wardrobe, right?”

She felt Nick’s tongue on the palm of her hand, gently licking, as his own hands pulled her closer to him. “Y-yes?”

Rochelle looked at her curiously. “Are you sure you’re okay? You look a bit flushed. Did you sleep?”

“No, but I’m fine.” She felt Nick’s hands spread her legs open and bit back a whimper. “News?”

“So this beautiful beautiful soul here---take a bow, Ro--didn’t tell me that she talked to the designers behind The Blonds, and they’re so so excited to give you couture for your tour.”

She gasped, not quite sure if it was from Leigh’s news or Nick’s hand caressing her between her legs.

“Oh my god.”

Nick pulled her hand away from his mouth and laved her finger with his tongue slowly...and she was sure she grew ten shades redder.

“Right?” Leigh said excitedly. “So The Blonds have a showroom they’re opening in Beverly Hills and they’ve invited you to try on some clothes...today, darling. So you need to get ready. Ro and I are picking you up in 15 minutes.”

She shuddered as Nick let go of her hand and his mouth latched onto her left breast. “Thirty. Pick me up in thirty.”

“Okay, but aren’t you---” She didn’t hear the rest of Leigh’s statement because she cut the call and dropped her phone next to her.

“Nick,” she breathed, as she dragged her fingers through his hair.

He looked up at her with searing eyes as his teeth closed in on her nipple, twisted then let go.

“Good morning, baby,” he murmured against her ear he moved up and pulled her closer.

“I was on the phone, Nick,” she said, trying to sound stern as he took a tight hold on her hips and turned them both over, so his back was on the bed and she was on top, straddling him.

“I know,” he said with a smile as he sat up and touched the hair that rested by her shoulder. “And how ARE the girls doing?”

“They’re coming by to pick me up in half an hour,” she said, her expression softening at Nick’s gentle touch.

He grabbed her hips and pulled her closer to him. “That’s plenty of time for some morning happy, don’t you think?” he said, wiggling his eyebrows, clearly playful.

Her eyes shone bright with laughter. “You’re insatiable, my love.”

He spanned her cheeks with his thumbs. “Tell me again, Tash.”

“Tell you what?”

“That you love me.”

Her heart started pounding a staccato rhythm as her eyes connected with his and memories of everything that happened last night came back to her.

She’d probably been too impulsive to confess her feelings for him so soon, but she was tired of keeping him away, and after everything that happened, and everything that JC had told her, she needed him to know she was there for him, in every way possible.

She lowered her head and kissed his lips softly. “I love you, Nick.”

“Again.”

Tasha smiled and dropped kisses all over his face. “I love you, love you, love you, love you.”

She felt his hands tighten on the sides of her face as he pulled her straight to his lips for a long erotic open mouthed kiss.

When they broke apart, both of them breathing heavily, Tasha said it again. “I love you, Nick. But you need to go.”

He frowned comically. “Excuse me?”

“I mean, I need to shower and get ready and you need to get to work on...whatever you do in that office all day. What DO you do?”

“Hey. I work. I make calls. Send emails,” he grumbled as she started to move off him. He grabbed her hand before she got off the bed completely. “Need company in the shower? I’ve been told I’m really good at scrubbing girls’ fronts.” Again with the wiggling eyebrows. How can anyone resist this guy?

Tasha dropped another kiss on his lips but crawled away before he could catch her. “Nu uh, the last time you were in the shower with me, we ran late.” She shrugged on her robe as soon as she stood up and tied it closed. “Come on, Nicky, get your sexy tush out of bed and out of the room before you distract me even more.”

As she walked to the bathroom, he jumped out of the bed and captured her waist. She yelped and felt her back crash against his chest.

“Baby, how about you reschedule with the girls and spend the day with me,” he said against her ear. “Let me take you out on the boat for the day, just the two of us. Or maybe go up the coast to Santa Barbara and just...you know, spend some time together.” His hands untied the bow that kept her robe together.

“Nick, I can’t, I’m sorry. It’s for the tour.”

“Okay, how about I go with you girls then?”

She caught a glint of something shiny on his hand from the sun and turned around to face him. “Nick. No. I don’t think we should be seen in public together. I mean TOGETHER together.”

He frowned. “Why the hell not?”

She raised his left hand and showed him exactly why. “You still have your wedding ring on, Nick. I don’t really mind or care when we’re alone together, but in public...I don’t want to be that girl.”

“What girl?”

She really didn’t want to say it. “The homewrecker. People see that ring and it’s just going to get crazy all over again. People make assumptions, and ask questions later. After this whole sex tape fiasco and Belinda and Johnny...the last thing I need to flaunt is that we’re...” She waved her hand nonchalantly, “whatever this is.”

“Tasha.” He said her name with absolute care. “You know I...care about you.”

She gave him a slight smile. “I do, but until we figure out what this is, is it so bad that we keep it our little secret?”

He stared at her for a good minute, debating internally with himself. She touched his face and gave him a kiss of reassurance. “I just don’t want to pressure you, Nick. Not when things are going well for us. Okay?”

Reluctantly, he nodded. “So I guess that means I can’t kiss you outside this room?”

She nodded. “But you can kiss me, hold me, and do whatever you like with me while we’re here. In fact, I already have something interesting planned for tonight,” she said, raising an eyebrow. “That is, if you come around and check up on me again.”

With that, he squeezed her butt cheeks in excitement. “You bet your sweet tushy I will.”

She laughed and started walking him to the direction of the door. “Your tushy isn’t half bad either, Carter.”

“Are you sure about the shower? Because my hands are really really good.”

Were they ever. “I’m sure. Now you go and do your thing. I promise what I plan tonight will be worth it...” she said, her eyes full of promise as she opened the bedroom door and urged him out.

“You could still change your mind, baby.”

She smiled, “I won’t.” She gave him a quick kiss and closed the door behind her.

But not before he said, “Wait, I need my...”

********

“...Pants.” Wow. That really happened, didn’t it? Waking up with Tasha next to him and now, minutes later, he was standing, buck naked, in a cold hallway.

Suddenly flashes of the night before played in his mind: her admission of love, the way she felt in his arms, her responsiveness...and Jesus, the sounds she made.

Then he heard the giggling.

“Daddy wee wee.”

Nick closed his eyes and leaned his head against the door. Great. Just what he needed.

“Yeah, what your kid said,” Damon’s low voice shook with laughter. “Also, your white ass is glow in the dark from where we’re standing.”

Carefully covering his family jewels, he turned and gave both of them a look of warning. “Just because of that, you’re on Tasha duty today, D.”

“Good. You need to catch up on some sleep. Because I’ve been telling you for years, bro, the walls need soundproofing.”

If Matty wasn’t there, he would’ve given Damon a few choice four letter words. But he stopped himself because one, he needed pants to get in the verbal sparring mood with Damon, and two, the older man’s teasing wasn’t going to ruin his good mood.

“I’m going to shower. You two go get some breakfast, I’ll meet you downstairs.”

Damon grabbed his arm before he could walk past them. “I’m glad you finally have your head out of your ass,” he said quietly. “Now don’t screw it up.”

“Bye bye, Daddy,” Matty waved as Damon carried him down the stairs. “I see your bum bum!”

Nick shook his head and laughed. As he got in the shower, he couldn’t keep himself from smiling. Today, he was going to work, but tonight...tonight, Tasha was all his.

*************

“And dis tuttles.” Matty pointed to the screen then spooned some ice cream into his mouth. Tasha nodded and resisted the urge to wipe his mouth clean. They’d been watching Finding Nemo for the last forty-five minutes and the bowl of ice cream they shared had either ended up around Matty’s mouth or on his shirt. After the first five minutes, Tasha realized that the toddler was working on eating ice cream all by himself and left him alone.

She noted too that every time something was funny, his giggles made the ice cream drop to on his cute little ‘I heart Justin Bieber’ t-shirt. And, no lie, his longish blond curls made him look like Bieber’s baby brother.

As he licked his spoon, he looked up at her and grinned. “Watch tuttles, Ashy. Dory funny! Dory Ashy!”

Tasha laughed and ruffled his hair. “What are you saying, little man? That I’m Dory?”

“You funny lie Dory, Ashy!”

“And you’re cute like Squirt, pumpkin,” she told him, tweaking his nose.

He considered my statement for a few seconds before smiling. “Rad.”

Tasha leaned back and laughed as she pulled the little boy closer to her side.

The last five days had been a whirlwind for all of them at the Compound. Tasha was getting ready for her first show in Las Vegas and it was five days full of rehearsals, recordings, and wardrobe fittings. Not to mention Nick and Mike channeling Magnum P.I. and working with police to find Belinda.

Johnny Finkel had been in a holding cell since he was picked up for questioning, Tasha and JC’s testimonies giving the detectives enough probable cause to keep him in the precinct. His alibi didn’t hold, since his cousin admitted to covering for him so clearly he was guilty of...well, something.

He still wasn’t talking but Tasha felt a little better knowing his was in police custody and not out in the streets of Malibu, planning his retribution.

The fire and the threat of the sex tape release seemed like lifetimes ago, especially since Tasha and Nick worked hard to keep it off their minds. During the day, Nick was focused on work and Tasha was busy finishing recording her album, rehearsing with her new band and talking to her dad whenever she got a chance.

The nights were a whole other story.

Five nights now and every single one of them Nick spent with her in the Marilyn room. Some nights they were too tired to do anything but sleep in each other’s arms. But others...other nights, Nick made her feel like the only woman in the world.

She touched her face and felt it growing warm at thought of what they did last night. She would never dare him to play rough ever again.

Well, maybe not for the next few days at least. Every single muscle in her body still throbbed with awareness from a full night of his attentions.

“Hey, anyone home?” she heard Nick’s voice as he entered the hallway beyond the TV room.

She tried to ignore the butterflies she felt in her stomach when she heard his voice. “We’re in here, Nick.”

“Watching Nemo, Daddy!”

“I can see that,” Nick said, his voice laughing as he entered the TV room, “How many times have you seen Nemo, baby?”

She saw Nick loosening his tie as he gave her a quick nod. He was wearing a suit, oh dear god. He knew how much she loved seeing him in his suit. Yesterday’s torn suit jacket in the heat of the moment was proof enough.

“One hunnred million!” Matty said with flailing hands. “An two.”

Nick’s laughter rumbled through his chest. “You are the coolest kid.”

Matty settled against Tasha and resumed watching the movie. “I know.”

Nick stood behind Tasha on the couch and settled his two hands on her shoulders. “Hey.”

She looked up and smiled. “Hey.”

“Where’s everyone?” he asked softly, looking straight into her eyes, his gaze guarded.

“JC’s in the theatre, having a meeting with the band. Mike and Damon are in the office, on a call with Leigh.”

He nodded, looking distractedly on the TV. “So it’s just us in the house?”

“Right now, yeah.”

“Good.” With that, he leaned forward, gripped her hair down and gave her a kiss that was all tongue and heavy breathing and wanting. Her toes curled.

When he pulled away, the look in his eyes made her want to take off all her clothes right at that moment.

“I missed you today,” he said softly, his finger on her chin.

“So did I.” It was terrible how much she thought about him while he was gone. Thank goodness she knew her music down pat, otherwise she wouldn’t have survived dress rehearsals today.

He walked around the couch and slid down next to her. “Scoot over, babe, I’ve got a hankering for some Nemo.”

She moved, taking Matty with her. He shrugged off his suit jacket and put an arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer. She casually rested a hand on his thigh and leaned against his chest.

“How was your day?” he asked against her ear, his fingers loosening her hair from its ponytail.

“Exhausting. But I’m ready for Vegas tomorrow.”

“All packed?”

“Just finished.” She turned to him. “How was your meeting with the guys?”

He shrugged. “Same ole thing. Kevin likes to hear himself talk sometimes, we let him.” He pulled her closer. “You smell like peppermint.”

She smiled and tilted her head with a sly smile. “I know. I taste like it too. Matty and I were sharing some ice cream.”

He closed his hand on her hair and pulled none too gently to capture her lips again.

“Ashy, look, dolphins!”

Tasha felt his groan against her lips before she heard it.

She pulled away from him and gave Matty a smile. “I saw.”

“Matty, what is it about Finding Nemo that you like so much?”

“Tuttles. Dooode.”

It was impossible to stay annoyed at the toddler, she noted, even for Nick, who relaxed against her. “You like the turtles?”

“Yep,” he said, scooping some more ice cream from the bowl on Tasha’s lap.

“Matty told me I was like Dory,” she told Nick with a laugh.

“Wow, was that a compliment?”

Her eyes narrowed and she pinched his side. He barely had enough time to jump away.

“Ashy Dory. Coz you sing.” Matty looked up at Tasha and sang, “Just keep swimming, just keep swimming.”

“And who are you, Matty? You like turtles, so are you Squirt? He’s rad, man.” Nick said, leaning forward with a paper towel, wiping ice cream from around his son’s mouth.

He smiled. “Silly Daddy. I Nemo!”

Nick showed exaggerated surprise. “Whaaaaat?”

Matty’s giggles made both of us smile.

“Why are you Nemo, baby? I thought you wanted to be a surfer dude.”

He paused and looked up thoughtfully. “Nemo’s Mommy in heaven, too, like Matty.”

Nick stiffened against Tasha.

“And Nemo’s daddy hewo.” Matty looked at Nick with a bright smile. “Like you, Daddy.”

“Oh Matty,” Nick breathed, his eyes shining with unexpected tears. “I’m no hero.”

Matty frowned when he saw his dad’s expression. Crawling over Tasha and narrowly missing the half full bowl of ice cream, Matty threw his hands around his dad’s neck. “Don’t cry, Daddy. Matty here. We turn off Nemo. Watch Buccs?”

Tasha wiped some tears that were threatening to fall from her own eyes and laughed at the toddler’s suggestion. Nick returned his son’s hug with one arm and pulled Tasha closer with the other.

He couldn’t help but laugh over his son’s statement either. “It’s okay, Matty. Let’s watch Nemo. And give Daddy one more hug. A long one this time, okay?”

His smile was identical to Nick’s in every way. “Okay.” Matty’s arms tightened around Nick’s neck and they stayed like that for a while, with Nick’s eyes closed and Tasha entwined her fingers with his down her shoulder.

Wiping his eyes discreetly as his son pulled away and crawled back to his spot next to Tasha, Nick sighed. Tasha ran her hand over his thigh lightly.

“This kid is going to be the death of me,” he whispered to Tasha as he leaned back against the couch.

She nodded in understanding. “You okay?”

He nodded and dropped a kiss on top of her head. “Yes. Sorry. I just...he’s never talked about his mom like that before. It caught me off guard.”

Tasha gave him a smile and leaned against his chest.

He let go of her hand and ran his fingers up and down her arm, almost as if to make sure she stayed where she was.

They watched Finding Nemo for a few minutes before Tasha squeezed Nick’s knee.

“Yeah.”

She looked up and said, “You’re a great dad, Nick. I know it gets hard sometimes, but you are wonderful with Matty. Don’t ever think otherwise.” She touched his cheek. “Okay?”

He bit the inside of his cheek before looking at her. “I’m just never sure, Tash. I’ve been at this for two years and some days I want to tear my hair out. But he’s a good kid and he looks up to me. I can’t not keep trying. He makes everything worth it.”

She touched his cheek. “That makes you a hero in his eyes, Nicky.”

What she saw in his eyes she wasn’t quite sure. All she understood was at that moment, he tilted her chin up and kissed her again. This time it was a touching of lips, expressing gratitude and relief.

“I’m glad you’re here, Tash.”

She smiled and tried to ignore the warm feeling that spread across her chest. She leaned against him to watch the rest of Finding Nemo.

Almost an hour later, as the credits rolled and Matty was asleep on Tasha’s lap, Nick looked at his watch. “It’s almost six. Are you hungry? I was thinking of ordering some Chinese for us.”

“Oh, crap,” Tasha said, sitting up abruptly. Belatedly realizing Matty was on her lap, she stopped herself from standing up once she felt his head move.

“So no to dinner?” Nick looked at her, confused at her reaction.

She moved Matty carefully off her lap and put his head on a pillow.

“I kind of started dinner. And forgot about it when Matty and I sat down for the movie. Do you want to get changed and I’ll have dinner ready for us in fifteen?”

He stared at her like he wasn’t sure if he was dreaming or not.

She blinked. “Nick?”

“I’m sorry, did you say you made me dinner?”

Tasha wasn’t quite sure where he was going with this. “Yes?”

He pulled her unceremoniously on his lap with one tug. “What did you make?”

“Well I know you like pulled pork sandwiches so I’ve had pulled pork in the slow cooker all day. And some mashed potatoes and roasted veggies. I was supposed to bake the banana cream pie but we can let that cook while we eat...oh and I found---oof.”

He found her lips and kissed her hard, at the same time pushing her tank top off her shoulders.

“I can’t believe you made me dinner,” he said, kissing his way down her neck.

“Nick,” Tasha breathed, hanging onto him as his hands went all over her. “Stop, we can’t do this here. Matty might...”

His hands stilled their exploration and he sighed against her shoulder. “You made banana cream pie. I LOVE banana cream pie.”

She laughed and ran her fingers through his hair. “Is all this because of pie? I can make you pie as much as you want, love.”

He tightened his hold around her waist. “It’s not just about pie. It’s about dinner. And you with Matty. And just you being here for me to kiss when I get home.” He looked at her straight in the eye and caressed her cheek. “You’re spoiling me, Tash.”

She dropped kisses on his lips. “I. Can’t. Seem. To. Stop. Myself.”

He pulled her close and grabbed her lower lip with his teeth. “And don’t ever stop. Give me your mouth, baby.”

His voice made her insides turn to mush and surrendered her mouth to his.

“Yoohoo, Tash, you here? I have a delivery for you.” Leigh’s voice echoed from the entry way.

As soon as the other woman’s voice registered in Tasha’s head, she pushed off of Nick and promptly fell on the carpet.

Struggling to get her top back upright and standing up at the same time, she said breathlessly “We’re in here, Leigh.”

Nick just gave her an amused look and leaned back to watch the show.

“You could look less cocky, you know,” she murmured as she tried to keep her balance and check if her boobs were hanging out of her shirt.

He raised an eyebrow and smiled. “I’m not the one hiding from everybody.”

“I’m not hiding,” she fairly hissed. “And stop smiling.”

“Baby I can’t stop smiling even if I wanted to,” he answered in a low voice. “You look like a woman who’s been thoroughly ravished. By me.”

“Who needs to stop smiling?” Leigh said, walking into the room with a big box. “And Nick, get off your ass and help me with this box. I can’t believe you’re letting a pregnant lady carry boxes.”

Nick stood up quickly and retrieved the box from Leigh’s hands. “What the hell is this?”

“Gifts, clothes. Frederick’s of Hollywood.”

Nick looked like he was about to drop the box to the floor. “I’m sorry, did you say...”

Tasha nodded. “Frederick’s. Lingerie. Can you bring it upstairs to my room, Nick?”

“WHO THE HELL IS GIVING YOU LINGERIE?”

Tasha and Leigh were both taken aback by Nick’s tone.

“Indoor voice, Carter. Jesus,” Leigh said, pulling Tasha to the other side of the room. “It’s a thank you from Frederick’s, because Tasha just agreed to perform at their benefit fashion show in New York when you guys stop there next month.”

“Oh.” Nick looked appropriately chastened. “Sorry. You know I’m excitable. I’ll bring this upstairs, change and help you with dinner. Do you want to stay for dinner, Leigh?”

“If it’s vegan shit, no.”

“Oh I have pulled pork in the slow cooker, and some grilled veggies and mashed potatoes. You should join us.”

“The pie’s all mine, Leigh. No one bogart the pie!” he said when he walked out the room and jogged up the stairs.

When Nick was out of hearing range, Leigh stayed me with a suspicious look. “What’s going on?”

Tasha pretended to be confused by her question. “What do you mean?”

Leigh’s eyes narrowed. “You’re hiding something. And you look flushed. And why are you cooking pork for dinner? You’re vegetarian.”

“I told you to stop watching Criminal Minds, Leigh.”

“And give up my Shemar Moore fix? No way honey. Now spill.”

“Nothing’s wrong. And Nick loves pulled pork, I just thought I’d make it for him, he’s letting me stay here and all.”

Leigh stared at her, assessing the truthfulness of her statement.

“Leigh, stop being creepy. You know your prego lady stares weird people out.”

“I’m not done with you. I’m going to call the girls over and we’re going to check out your loot from Frederick’s. And wine. They’re going to bring wine. Once we get you drunk, I’m going to get some answers.”

As Leigh took out her iPhone, Tasha shook her head and laughed. “I love you and all your crazy, Leigh. I do.” And with that, she gave the other woman a hug.

*********

It was almost two hours since Nick saw Tasha go upstairs with the girls. And almost two hours since the pizza came for the rest of the guys (He was NOT sharing any of that food Tasha made. That was his and his alone). Since everybody was waiting anyway, all six guys settled in the game room next to Nick’s studio in the first level and started an impromptu poker game. A few hands in and Nick was losing everything, distracted as he was with what Tasha was trying on from Frederick’s. The rest of the crew were grumbling about how long it was taking for the two boxes of chicken wings to arrive. Either way, the beer was cold, everybody was having a good time and JC was telling stories. It was a good night.

Howie still couldn’t forget the pie he saw in the kitchen. “Are you sure we can’t try it? Just a little bit? You all are leaving for Vegas tomorrow after all. It’s a waste of good pie.”

“Shut it, D. The pie is mine.”

“Hey, y’all going to Vegas without me?” Brian whined from across the table. “Where was my invite?” He put his cards face down on the table. “Hit me.”

“I gave everyone Tasha’s tour schedule. You guys are welcome to fly in and watch her first show if you want. She’s headlining The Palms.” Nick said, downing the last of his beer. Standing up, he went to the fridge by the bar and said, “Who wants another round?”

Kevin raised his empty bottle. “Grab me a Guinness if you have any, man.”

Nodding, Nick turned to the fridge when he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. Pulling it out, he saw “photo incoming” from Tasha.

As soon as he opened it, he promptly dropped the empty bottle in his hand. “Christ,” he said, sweat breaking out on his brow.

JC stood up quickly when he heard the bottle crash. “Nick. You okay, man?”

He wanted to check his pulse because he felt like it was going a million miles a minute, especially after seeing Tasha in the red bra and panties AND garter belt. If stockings and high heels were involved, he may need to go out on a stretcher.

“I’m fine. Sorry, slippery bottle.” He located the broom and dust pan and started cleaning up the mess when he heard the front door open. Damon walked down the stairs and into the game room moments later with two massive boxes of wings.

A smattering of “hallelujah”, “I love you, Damon” and “where’s my hot sauce” were heard from the table.

Another vibration from his phone.

Did you see it? Tasha’s next text message said.

He smothered a groan as he dropped his head against the bar fridge door.

Yes.

Did you like it?

Too much. I’ll meet you in your room. Wear heels. If you don’t throw the girls out, I will.

Slipping his phone in his back pocket, he quickly grabbed a Guinness for Kevin and twisted the cap off.

“I’m going to sit this one out, guys. I’ll be upstairs to check on Matty.”

AJ laughed. “You’re losing your mojo, Carter. Come back and let me take more of your money.”

“You ass,” Nick said as he went up the stairs, “What kind of a host would I be if I took all your money, man? I’ll be back to win those Laker season tickets in the next hour, you wait and see.”

He didn’t get very far upstairs before he heard the clicking of heels and the giggling voices.

“Nick! There you are!” He could recognize Tasha’s voice anywhere. “The girls and I were thinking of going dancing tonight, did you want to come?”

He looked up and saw Tasha, a vision in a form-hugging red dress with lace trimming across the chest. Looking lower, Nick had to hang on to the bannister when he saw the sheer stockings and sparkly red heels.

“You look like Christmas and New Year’s all rolled into one,” Nick said, surprised he managed to speak coherently.

“Did someone say dancing?” JC said from behind him. “I’ll go!”

The rest of the girls walked down past Nick and went to tell their men what the new plan was. JC threw an arm around Leigh and walked with her to Howie.

While the others were distracted, Nick grabbed Tasha’s hand and pulled her upstairs. As soon as they reached JC’s floor, Nick opened a door and pulled Tasha in.

Not bothering with the light, Nick locked the door to make sure they weren’t disturbed and trapped Tasha against the wall.

“Show me,” he breathed against her ear, already dragging the straps of her dress down her shoulders.

Tasha gasped at his boldness. “Nick, not here. It’s too dark and JC might...”

He found the zipper of her dress on her back and slid it down. “Here. Now, baby.”

And then her dress dropped to the floor.

Nick caught his breath in his throat. The moonlight reflecting from JC’s windows gave enough light for him to appreciate the very little scraps of lace that Tasha wore under her dress.

“Hang on,” he said as he lifted her and made her legs wrap around his hips. Her breathing became shallower and shallower as she hung onto him and his hands grazed her bottom.

He ran his tongue on her bare shoulder while Tasha struggled to unzip his jeans.

His fingers felt the lace edges of her panties. “How many pairs of this did you get?”

Dazed, it took Tasha a few moments to answer. “Three, I think.”

He tore the lace off and stuffed it in his back pocket and slammed her none too gently against the wall. “Then you won’t miss it.”

Tasha’s eyes tried to stay open as his fingers entered her. “You’re making a habit of tearing up my underwear, Carter.”

He laughed and grazed her ear with his tongue. “I keep telling you to stop wearing them when I’m around.”

She tossed her head back when he pulled his fingers away. “No, please, Nick.”

“Please what, baby?”

“I need you inside me.”

He pushed his fingers back in. “You mean this?”

“No...yes...oh, fuck me.”

He smiled against her hair as his thumb massaged her clit the way he knew drove her insane. She melted in his arms.

In the back of his mind, he heard voices coming closer. Riding a wave of pleasure, he replaced his fingers with his cock, always hard, it seemed, when he was around her.

“Oh I think Tasha went back upstairs, let me check,” Nick heard JC’s voice register dimly but he was too busy pumping into Tasha and being consumed by the feel of her tightly around him to care. When she started moaning, he put his thumb in her mouth and said, “Bite.” She did.

And he goddamn nearly lost his mind.

He wanted to kiss her, but he didn’t dare. Once he did, he wouldn’t let her go for a whole night, especially when they had a house full of guests.

It didn’t take much time for her to find her orgasm, and him to find his release, especially since they’d been teasing each other since earlier on the couch.

As soon as they could stand steady, with their breathing back to normal, Nick put his pants back on and Tasha slipped on her dress. Turning around so Nick could zip her up, he carefully kissed each piece of skin he covered almost reverently.

“Are you coming with us, dancing?” she asked as she tried to maintain her shaky balance.

He shook his head and kissed the back of her hand. “You go. I need to stay here with Matty. And the guys want to play more poker, I think.”

She nodded and turned the door knob. “I hope you appreciate the fact I’m going commando in this dress not because I want to but because I like knowing my underwear is in your back pocket.”

He gave her a slow smile and tried to quell the urge to carry her upstairs to bed.

Giving her one last kiss on her temple, he murmured against her ear. “Be good, baby. And wake me up when you get home. I’m not quite done with you yet.”

 

 

Chapter 21

“I won’t kick him out of bed for eating chips, is all I’m sayin’” Rochelle said loudly, eyeing Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, who was standing in the booth next to them in the cordoned-off VIP area. “Also, this caviar-infused Yager bomb is the SHIT.”

Tasha laughed at her friend’s obvious semi-drunken state. She was adorable and in the hour and a half they’ve been in the club, Rochelle, Leighanne, Kristen and JC had been downing shots like it was going out of style. Leigh sat back and took photos, presumably to use as blackmail material later on in the night.

“But he’s so...BIG.” Kristen’s eyes bugged out at the last word. “How...what...I mean, I wouldn’t know what to do with him.”

Leighanne’s eyes narrowed and she gave the rest of the girls an evil smile. “I would. Did I tell you I used to be a gymnast?”

Rochelle blinked. “What’s that got to do with all the blow jobs in China?”

Tasha caught Leigh’s eye and both of them promptly burst out laughing.

JC grinned as he handed Rochelle another shooter. This time it was his favourite shot of whisky. “Ro, I think you mean ‘all the tea in China’.”

“Pssh.” Rochelle waved her hand dismissively. “Blow jobs are more fun.”

Turning, Tasha saw Damon, who was standing next to her, shake his head. “I don’t get paid enough for this shit.”

She leaned against the older man and wrapped one arm around his waist. “You love us, don’t lie.”

He sighed and didn’t bother looking down at her. “You and Leigh I like. It’s those four that make me worry about the future of mankind.”

“Come on, have a drink, on me. You need to relax.”

“I’m on duty, beautiful. Can’t be compromised.”

“Come on, D. I told you I’m designated driver. Drink, for crying out loud. You need a night off.”

“No, darlin’, appreciate it, but it’s your night. Nick already told me to take care of the bar tab.” He cocked his head to the half-full glass of red wine she’d been nursing for the last while. “You want a cocktail? A beer? I’ll get the girl with the hot pants to get your order.” He frowned at her. “And you’re losing weight. I’ll get you some food.”

Holy---that was the most she’d ever heard Damon speak all at once. She touched his arm and gave him a smile. “No, D, I’m okay, but thank you. You’re a sweetheart.”

Behind his dark glasses, Tasha felt him regarding her with concern.

“The boy treating you good?” he asked quietly after a few seconds.

“Are you talking about Nick?” she answered, looking up at him.

He nodded.

She smiled at him. “Yeah. He’s a bit overprotective with the bodyguard detail--no offense, D--but that’s a sign of a good manager, right?”

He took off his glasses and looked her straight in the eye. “No, baby girl. I’m asking you: is that boy treating you good?”

Tasha realized belatedly that Damon was asking a loaded question, not to mention the fact that he just admitted to knowing what Tasha and Nick had been trying to hide for the last few days.

Tasha’s smile went away. “How did you find out?”

He shrugged. “Saw him walking out of your room a few mornings ago.”

She didn’t know what to say to that. They’ve been so careful. But she guessed Damon was so entrenched in all that went on in the beach house, he saw pretty much everything.

She bit the inside of her lip and contemplated what to tell him.

Damon spoke up again, this time gentler. “I appreciate you being patient with him, Tasha.”

She gave him a half smile. “Not difficult since I love him.”

He nodded. “I can see that. He doesn’t deserve you, you know. Coz he’s a punk.”

That made her smile wider. “I know.”

“Good. But he needs you, so...”

“I’m not going to leave him, D. I promise.”

She saw him release a breath. “Good.” He pulled her to him and dropped a kiss atop her head. “Thank you, baby girl.”

“Tasha!” Rochelle’s voice made her break away from Damon. “Holy shit, girl, this is my jam! Let’s dance!”

Suddenly, their whole table was on their feet and heading to the dance floor. Rochelle’s hand gripped Tasha’s and pulled her to the dance floor beyond the velvet rope. In the corner of her eye, she saw Damon giving JC the signal to make sure to watch out for her. He nodded and pulled a reluctant Leigh with him.

It was a sight to see: five beautiful women tearing up the packed dance floor, and JC alternating partners between all of them. Tasha was having the time of her life.

At some point while they were grooving to Nicki Minaj, a few guys around them recognized her and started pulling her to their direction. As much as Tasha shook her head and pulled away, JC still had to fend them off.

They were persistent and soon she saw Damon pushing people away as he made his way to her, trying to quickly extract her from a potential JC brawl.

“You idiots. The woman doesn’t want to dance with you, get it through your fucking skulls.” JC growled as he pushed another drunken man out of the way.

Leigh stayed close and slapped the guys away alongside JC.

Tasha pulled on the other girls and tried to lead them out of the dance floor before it got too heated. It was awkward as most of them were already drunk and struggling to stay upright, but for their own safety, they needed to make it out.

Just as she neared the edge of the dance floor, a hand grabbed her arm and pulled.

She looked up and tried to shake it off but stopped when she realized who it was.

Belinda.

She looked exactly the same as she did the last time Tasha saw her: beautiful blonde hair curled around her face, her tawny complexion making her look younger than ever, and flashing blue eyes that were full of anger.

“We need to talk, Natasha,” she said between ground teeth. “Now.”

She let go of Rochelle’s arm and put a hand over Belinda’s. “Where have you been? We’ve been looking for you...”

Belinda became wild eyed when she saw Damon coming closer. “Come with me.”

“Bee, just...wait. We’ll go. I need to tell...” Tasha turned and nodded to the barreling Damon. “I need to tell Damon--”

The next thing Tasha knew, Belinda let go and made her way off the dance floor. “Bee, wait!”

Not thinking, Tasha rushed after her, not wanting to lose her, needing to talk to her before she disappeared. “Belinda!”

Tasha ran through the door leading out of the club to catch her. She saw Belinda getting on a motorcycle, seemingly not hearing her calling after her.

“Bee! Stop!” Tasha shouted at the motorcycle already taking off.

Desperate, she turned and saw the black Explorer their whole group rode in a few feet away. The valet, ever attentive, was already walking over with the keys.

“Miss Callaghan, let me start your car up for you...”

She grabbed the keys from him, hopped in the Explorer and pealed out of the club’s driveway, dead set on following Belinda.

“Holy shit, holy shit, what am I doing,” she murmured to herself as she caught up to Belinda going up the exit to PCH.

Tasha needed answers and if chasing Belinda down the Pacific Coast Highway was going to get her some, then so be it.

A loud ringing came on over the car’s speaker system.

Damon calling blinked on the radio screen.

Shit. Pressing ‘Answer’, Tasha kept a careful eye on Belinda and flicked her headlights to let her know she needed to stop.

“WHAT IN HELL GOT IN YOUR FOOL HEAD?! WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?”

“Stop screaming, D, I’m on PCH going west. I’m chasing Belinda, she’s on a motorbike and---”

“Stop the car right now before I call Nick and he kicks your ass himself. Now, Tasha.”

His voice had the scary iciness to it but it didn’t mean Tasha had to stop her pursuit. She couldn’t lose Belinda now. Not when she was so close.

“Call Nick. Tell him Belinda is en route to Malibu. No, wait, call the police, have them tail her. I can’t lose her, D, I need to talk to her. Look, I just crossed to Malibu now. Passed the sign saying ‘Leaving Santa Monica.’ You know where I am.”

“Crap, Tasha, STOP THE FUCKING CAR BEFORE YOU KILL YOURSELF.”

Tasha saw Belinda swerve and do a quick U-Turn. “Shit. Hang on, D. She just did a u-turn.”

“Fuck.” She heard Damon breathe heavily as the tires squealed from her effort to turn the car around quickly.

“I’m still here, Damon. I almost have her, I swear. She’ll stop soon. She’ll have to.”

“Let her go, Tasha. The police will find her. STOP THE FUCKING CAR.”

At that point, Tasha had no choice but to stop the car because Belinda had braked hard. She jumped off the bike and ran into a nearby parking lot.

Tasha pulled the hand brakes and jumped out of the car herself, planning to chase her down. Shaking off her heels, she started off to the dark parking lot next to a patch of beach where she saw Belinda disappear into the shadows.

Tasha ran and ran, then realized she had lost Belinda completely. Moments later, behind her, she heard the sound of steel crumpling against steel.

Oh crap. The car.

***********

Nick downed the last of his scotch and moved his pile of chips to the middle of the table. “All in, boys.”

Kevin, AJ, Brian and Howie groaned collectively. Nick was on a winning streak and officially if they went all in, it only took five chips from each of them because Nick had won each game since the girls had left.

In the pot for this game were AJ’s season courtside seats to all the Laker home games.

AJ threw his cards on the table. “I’m out, you ass. You better take me to the games, Carter.”

Brian, Howie and Kevin threw their cards on the table on top of AJ’s. Nick grinned.

Brian grumbled, “Cocky bastard.”

His phone vibrated in his pocket and he was laughing as he picked it up. “Sore losers, all of you.” Turning his attention to the phone in his ear. “Carter.”

“Mr. Carter, this is Jason from OnStar. We just received a signal that your Ford Explorer’s airbags deployed. Are you or your family in the car now?”

A chill went up Nick’s spine as he stood. “I’m not. What do you mean the airbags deployed? Was there an accident?” His panic grew exponentially in seconds. Turning to Howie next to him, he said, “Call Damon NOW.”

At this point all five guys stood up. All their wives were in that car with Damon, not to mention JC and Tasha who were Nick’s only family right now.

“It appears so, sir. We’ve called 911 and they are on their way.”

“Where are they? Where’s the car?” Nick was already running up the stairs, with the boys close behind him

“On the Pacific Coast Highway, near the Santa Monica border. I’ll send you a text message with the coordinates.”

Nick shoved the phone to his back pocket as he reached the front door.

“Nick, I have Damon.” Howie shoved his phone into Nick’s hand.

Putting the call on speaker, Nick yelled, “D, are you okay? What happened? I got a call from OnStar saying the airbags were deployed on the Explorer.”

Damon did not hold back on the cursing. “It was just Tasha in the Explorer. She took off on a wild chase after Belinda when she saw her in the club. We’re all going after her in a cab now.”

Nick felt his face lose all color. “It was...”

Kevin took the phone from Nick’s hand and took control over the whole situation. “Damon, Nick and I will meet you at the accident site. Howie, follow us in your van.  AJ, Brian, you stay here with the kids. We’ll call you when we have more information.”

Nick felt all the blood rush to his head as the heavy feeling of dread settled in the pit of his stomach.

No. This can’t be happening to him again.

************

Tasha felt Nick arrive before she even saw him.

Wrapped in JC’s jacket, Tasha leaned against his chest as Leigh continued ranting next to her.

“...I can’t even imagine where you think you were going with this chase...this isn’t fuckin’ Magnum P.I. and you’re not fuckin’ Kojak!”

JC tried not to laugh at Leigh’s statement. “Babe, I think you’ve got the TV shows mixed up.”

“I don’t give a shit! When I give birth to this baby and it has freakin’ Tourette’s, I’m going to blame you two fuckers for making my cuss up a storm tonight. Fuck.”

“I’m sorry, Leigh,” Tasha said quietly. “You know I’m sorry.”

It had been close to half an hour since Belinda disappeared and since Tasha saw Nick’s Explorer get sideswiped by a produce truck on the highway. It was Tasha’s fault, she knew that. She shouldn’t have stopped in the middle of the highway arbitrarily. Although the car was only struck on the side, the force of the impact made it crash into Belinda’s bike and therefore deploy the airbags. It was ten minutes later when Damon and the rest of the group spilled out of a barely stopped cab when they saw her sitting next to the bike, clutching her flattened heels.

Damon ran up to her, his body shaking in anger. Doing a visual examination of her body, making sure there was no blood on her, he looked at the car and the bike next to them and crossed his hands over his chest. “Tell me what happened. Slowly.”

And Tasha talked. In between hugs from the girls and JC draping his jacket over her shoulders and keeping her close to his chest, she told Damon about how she saw Belinda in the club and went after her to losing her in the parking lot then hearing the produce truck sideswipe the Explorer.

Damon then nodded and walked away with his phone in his ear. JC pulled her away from the scene of the wreckage and away from the road while the police and ambulance came less than a minute later.

JC dropped a kiss on her forehead and said, “Tash, he’s here.”

He didn’t even have to say who ‘he’ was. Tasha knew Nick had arrived by the way the energy around her changed. JC straightened, Leigh looked relieved and the other girls (still drunk, by the way) started cheering loudly.

Tasha straightened and turned to Nick. He was still across the parking lot, near the police cars and the departing ambulance, being briefed by Damon. Kevin and Howie stood on either side of him, not so much listening but supporting Nick.

Nick’s eyes however, were directly on her.

She couldn’t read him, at least from this distance. She could, however, see how tense his shoulders were, how he stuffed his hands in his pockets to keep himself from punching the nearest wall.

He was nodding at Damon and said a few things that she couldn’t hear.

Then he started walking to her. Damon and Howie started walking with him but Kevin stopped both of them.

As soon as he was within hearing distance, Tasha pushed off JC and started talking. “I wasn’t in the car when the truck hit, I swear. I was right here. But I lost Belinda. I’m hoping she’ll turn up and--”

“Shut up.”

His eyes were a deep dark blue and when he reached Tasha, he pulled the back of her head to him and took her mouth in a punishing kiss. She tried to pull away but his fingers dug into her waist and her scalp.

Behind her, she heard Leigh gasp and the girls cheer louder. JC cursed.

She pushed him away roughly. “What the...”

Nick’s eyes were spitting fire. “If you ever EVER pull a stunt like that again, I am putting you in a fucking locked room and you are never coming out, DO YOU HEAR ME?”

“It’s just a car, Nick. It’s not...”

“IT’S NOT ABOUT THE FUCKING CAR. You could’ve killed yourself! What the hell were you thinking?” he shouted, clutching her arm.

Tasha shook him away and stepped back, not wanting to take the bait and shout back. “You need to calm down. Belinda is here! And we need to find--”

“I don’t care about Belinda---”

“You should! She’ll have answers we’re looking for and--”

“I don’t care! Christ, Tasha.”

“Listen, Nick, you have to understand...”

 “No, you need to listen to ME.” Nick growled close to her face as he pulled her by the waist and held on. “Look at me, Tasha. Look at me, dammit.”

Tasha stopped struggling and looked up at him. And what she saw almost brought her to her knees.

“Tasha, you need to understand,” he said in a voice so low she almost didn’t hear. “I can’t lose you too.”

Her eyes filled with tears as soon as she understood the import of his words. In the back of her mind she knew Faith died in a car crash and here she was, stupidly trying to play with fate and went willingly on a chase across a busy highway.

“I’m sorry.” She cupped her hands on his face and kissed him. “I’m sorry, I didn’t think.”

He pulled her to him and held her there for a few minutes. Tasha rested her head against his chest, her hand feeling his frantically pounding heart. He was sincerely terrified and she didn’t know how to make him feel better.

Around them, everyone shuffled away, giving the couple much needed privacy.

His pulse calmed down somewhat but he still felt tense, and he didn’t loosen his hold on her one bit. In the background, she could hear Damon talking to the tow truck driver and Leighanne talking to Brian on the phone.

“I need you to promise, Tash.”

She looked up at him as soon as he spoke and saw the exhaustion in his eyes.

“Promise you won’t willingly put your life in danger like that.” He entwined his fingers with hers. “I can’t go through tonight again.”

She nodded solemnly and squeezed his hand. “I promise, Nick.”

He released a ragged breath and ran a hand through his hair. At that, his shoulders loosened and whatever was left of his anger slowly dissipated. He then wrapped both arms around her in an embrace that was meant to comfort her as well as him.

“Where did you lose her?” he asked quietly against her hair minutes later.

“She ran onto the beach. But it was too dark, I didn’t know where she went.”

He nodded. “Did you talk to her in the club?”

“A little bit.” She frowned. “She was angry and said we needed to talk.”

“What did you say?”

“I told her we should but I needed to wait for Damon and that’s when she rushed off.” She touched his arm and feeling the cold air and exhaustion seeping through her bones, asked “Can we please go home now?”

Nick nodded, pulled her to his side and kept his arm around her shoulder, tucking her securely against him.

And from the way Nick held her tight, it felt like he had no intention of ever letting go.

**********

“I still can’t believe you didn’t tell me about you and Nick.” Leigh said through narrowed eyes. They were on Facetime, with Leigh checking in to make sure Tasha was okay after they got home.

Tasha shrugged as she buried herself under her covers and turned off the light next to her. “It’s complicated, Leigh. You know that. I didn’t want to spook anything until Nick and I had a chance to talk some more.”

Leigh sighed. “You two are going to give me heartburn.” She paused for a few heartbeats. “Where’s Nick now?”

Tasha heard the front door close and knew Mike had just left. “Nick was talking to Mike about upping security detail for the next few shows, at least until Belinda is found.”

Leigh nodded. “Good. I was going to suggest that but I’m glad he’s on the ball.”

“Shouldn’t you be getting some sleep, sweetie? All this excitement isn’t good for the baby, I imagine.”

Leigh smiled. “Oh, god no, the baby loves it. I think I’m going to give birth to the next Veronica Mars.”

Tasha grinned as she murmured, “You know that she’s a fictional character, right?”

“In my head she’s real, gorgeous.” Leigh’s eyes shone bright, teasing. “And when she’s a teenager, you have my permission to tell her the crazy story about how you tried to go on a silly high speed chase on a four lane highway.”

Tasha smiled warmly. Leigh was so good to her. “I love you, Leigh. Thank you for being such an amazing friend.”

Tears started pooling in her friend’s eyes. “Oh shut up. Now you’re going to make me cry.”

“No, seriously. I don’t have very many people I trust, but for you and Howie, I’ll go through that high speed chase again.”

“Dammit. I wish I was there to hug you. And no more high speed chases for you, lady. At least until you learn how to park better.”

Tasha laughed loudly this time. “Touché, Leigh.”

“Are you happy?” Leigh asked quietly a few seconds later. “Does he make you happy?”

Tasha smiled without hesitation. “When we’re together, he’s a different person, you know. Like he doesn’t carry such a heavy heart.”

Leigh sighed. “Like he was before...” She stopped herself before she choked up again. “Thank you, Tash.”

“For what?”

“For being with him. For just...for making him forget.”

Tasha swallowed the small lump of emotion that was forming in her throat. “We’re getting there.”

Leigh nodded. Tasha was distracted for a second when she saw Nick walk through the door and locked it quietly behind him.

“Nick’s here, I gotta go, Leigh.”

“Sleep well, Tash, I’ll see you in the morning.” And in a louder voice, “Night, Nick.”

As Nick was in the middle of taking of his sweat pants and underwear, he just grunted.

“Tash,” Leigh said quietly, “If he hurts you...”

“He won’t. And even if he does, we’ll work through it.” She felt the bed dip a little as he joined her under the covers. “He’s worth it, you know.”

She smiled and gave her a final wave before cutting the call.

Nick grasped her hip and turned her around so she faced him. He pulled her closer and tugged her against him so her front nestled into his. Dropping her phone to the side, she ran a hand down his bare hip and listened to his heartbeat as he threw a leg over her, making their connection closer, more intimate.

“Nick...” she said against his chest.

His fingers went through her hair. “Shh. Give me a minute.”

“A minute to what?” she asked curiously, closing her eyes at the feel of him against her.

“To just hold you.” He rested his head atop of hers. “Before we talk.”

Understanding, she dropped a kiss on his chest and snuggled closer. His arms around her tightened and the tension from his shoulders started going away.

The drive home in Kevin’s Aston Martin didn’t invite conversation. Neither did conversation come by the time they got back to the house. Nick, in not so many words, told everyone but Damon to leave and that he needed Mike. He had her tucked against him throughout, like he wanted to make sure she wasn’t going anywhere.

Once everything was sorted out and everyone had said their goodbyes, Nick walked her up to her room and kissed her lightly on the lips, telling her quietly, “Clothes off and under the covers. I’ll be back in half an hour.”

He waited for her nod before closing the door behind him, leaving her standing in her room confused as hell at what had just happened.

She ended up showering and getting ready for bed because tonight had been exhausting. And now, Nick was here and she can sleep.

“You have clothes on.”

Tasha smiled against his chest. “I’m not nearly as comfortable sleeping naked as you are, Nicky.”

He pulled on her hair to make sure she looked up at him. His mouth was curled up in a half-smile. “Who said anything about sleeping?”

She gave him a grin and dropped a kiss on his lips. “I thought you wanted to talk?”

He spoke against her lips. “Maybe I changed my mind.” He captured her mouth and his tongue dueled with hers. For a crazy minute, Tasha let herself be swept away by his touch and lost her train of thought.

An hour later, as both Nick and Tasha were recovering their breaths, he pulled her close until his heart rate returned to normal.

“You have this bad habit of distracting me with sex,” Tasha grinned as she turned around and settled her back against his front. Her eyes were drowsy with exhaustion, and she was seconds away from sleep.

His hold tightened around her, his left hand closing on her breast as a possessive instinctive thing. “I keep thinking it’s YOU who distracts me. I think I lost my train of thought.”

“Mmm.” She said, closing her eyes. “Wake me up when we need to leave, okay?”

“Tash?” he said quietly against her ear.

“Mm hmm?” she murmured, covering his hand with hers.

“I’m sorry I lost it out there tonight.”

Her eyes opened immediately. He still wanted to talk. He usually didn’t talk too much after...well, they were usually too exhausted.

“You didn’t lose it, baby. You were worried, that’s understandable.” She pulled his hand off her breast and entwined her fingers with his.

“Did I ever tell you how Faith died?”

Her heart started beating faster. He wanted to talk about Faith and in the short time she’d known him, he hadn’t even...

She turned around in his arms and touched his face. Oddly enough, he seemed calm, no sea of torment in the back of his eyes, no guilt. Just a matter of fact question posed to the woman in his arms.

“No, I don’t think you have.”

He nodded and nuzzled her cheek as he pulled her up, her face closer to his.

“I was in Baltimore. Matty was maybe three months old? Anyway, I had my first solo show that night and Faith was running late from putting Matty down for the night. I was a wreck. I hadn’t performed live for an audience in years and I was freaking out backstage.”

She ran her hand up and down his arm as a sign of support.

“Faith was rushing and she was in her Mom’s Mini when I called her. She probably shouldn’t have been talking on the phone while driving but she was just a few buildings away.”

His voice broke then, but he soldiered on, tightening his grasp on her waist.

“Her last words to me were ‘I love you’. And then she was hit by a speeding freight truck that didn’t see her beside him.”

Tasha’s breath caught in her throat.

“I didn’t...” He cleared his throat before continuing. “I haven’t told this story like this to anyone, until you, Tash.”

She nodded and kissed his chin.

“I’ve been blaming myself and just buried myself in guilt because she was coming to me, you know? She wouldn’t have been there if it weren’t for me. Matty would’ve had a mom if it weren’t for me and my stupid desire to have a solo career.”

She shook her head and touched his cheek. “Oh Nick. No. That’s not true.”

“I know it isn’t, sweetheart. But some days...some nights too, I remember and it makes me angry. She should fuckin’ still be here if I wasn’t so selfish.”

Hot tears fell down her cheeks at hearing his voice, almost broken. “Nick...”

“I’m working through this, Tasha. I’m trying my hardest, but I haven’t forgotten any of it. It’s still there, in the back of my mind and most nights I dream about it. But when I’m with you...”

He paused and wiped the tears that made their way down her cheeks. “When I’m with you, I start forgetting and forgiving myself because dammit, I deserve you and we deserve this.”

She nodded slowly.

“One day, I’ll leave everything behind and I’ll finally be a man who deserves someone like you. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

She looked at him with wet eyes.

 He made sure she was looking straight in his eyes. “You understand? I can’t lose you because in spite of everything fucked up in my head, I’ve fallen in love with you and you’re mine. Is that clear?”

She smiled in spite of the tears. “I’ve always been yours, Nick. Always.”

His eyes shone bright now and pulled her head to his for a rough open mouthed kiss. “I thought I lost you tonight,” he murmured against her lips as he moved to get on top of her. “The thought of you in the car when the airbags went off...Jesus, Tasha.”

Tasha squeezed his arm in reassurance. “Never again.”

“Good.” He urged her legs apart with his knee. “Tell me.”

She felt him enter her slowly, making her sigh his name.

“Tell me, Tasha.”

“I love you, Nick.”

He released a breath she didn’t know he was holding and captured her mouth for a kiss.

Pulling away from her lips, Nick grinned as he sank deeper into her and asked, “Are you sure I’m still worth it?”

“Every single part of you is worth it,” she murmured with a sigh and entwined her fingers with his left hand. To her surprise, she didn’t feel the gold band he normally wore. She opened her eyes and looked at his fingers to be sure. Then she looked right at him.

“You took it off?”

Distracted by the surprise in her eyes, he blinked. “Baby, I’m trying to give you the orgasm of a lifetime here. Focus.”

As he pulled out and then sank deeper, Tasha forgot what it was she wanted to know and closed her eyes to feel him. They could talk later. Much much later.

 

Chapter 22

 

Two months later. Two VERY interesting months later.

“I am walking through the arena with six bodyguards, Nick,” Tasha said in exasperation as she rushed through the backstage area of the Gibson Amphitheatre in Los Angeles, hoping to God that she got to wardrobe before she had to get on stage. “I’m only the opening act, I don't need this many bodyguards. Bruno doesn’t even have ANY.”

She stopped just outside of the door that was labelled Tasha - Wardrobe and put her hand on her hip. Behind her, the six aforementioned guards stopped just as abruptly and promptly crashed into each other.

“Guys,” she said, looking at them as they straightened, “Get it together.”

“Bruno Mars doesn't have bodyguards because he WANTS to be mobbed by crazy fangirls.” Nick responded with amusement. “Also, Tash, we talked about this. Johnny Finkel made bail two months ago. I need to keep you protected. At least until we know what his next move is.”

“Nick, I don't care about Finkel. I care about my sanity AND my privacy. Two of them on the tour bus with me is one thing. But six at the venue? No.”

She opened the door to wardrobe and turned to them with a stern look. “No one come in here unless you want to see me in my birthday suit. Comprende?”

She got blank looks from all of them.

Good Lord, only fifteen minutes after yoga and she already lost her calm. “Where's JC? Can one of you PLEASE make yourself useful and get me JC?”

At that, she closed the door behind her and collapsed against it. She then closed her eyes and breathed deeply.

“Baby.”

“I’m not talking to you until I’ve found my happy place, Nick. Give me a minute.”

She put her arm down and clasped the phone tight against her thigh. Closing her eyes, she continued to concentrate on letting some of the negativity go. As she’d been touring for six weeks straight with hardly any days off, shaking off the frustration was getting harder and harder to do.

She opened her eyes and saw the busy stylist putting last minute touches to one of her costumes. She gave her a quick smile and waved her to the closed off dressing area slash walk in closet.

Tasha walked over and pointed to the broken zipper on her bustier. “Allie, the zipper keeps going down every time I bend forward. I’m supposed to look cute, not porny. Can you fix it?”

Allie, Tasha’s wardrobe mistress on loan from Leighanne’s shop, nodded and smiled. “I told you we should burn this,” she said as she took the costume off. “I’ll be back in a jiff.” Tasha nodded and put the phone back on her ear.

“Is it the bustier again?” Nick asked quietly as Tasha adjusted her strapless bra and sat down on a nearby couch. “I thought Leigh was getting you a replacement?”

“She did but it isn’t here yet so we’re keeping the old one. It’s the last night anyway and Allie’s working her magic,” she said, cupping one of her breasts gingerly. “Also, I think the girls are getting bigger.” Since she started her tour two months ago, she had slowly lost weight due to her grueling performance schedule. Her breasts, however, seemed to have a mind of their own.

It didn't help that most of her on stage outfits showcased her beauties to the hilt. The Blonds, who sponsored her wardrobe, not only delighted in showing off her long legs, but her cleavage too.

“Baby, you know I miss you,” Nick groaned over the phone. “But I think that mental image of your breasts just made me wish for a cold shower in the middle of a busy airport runway.”

She smiled in spite of her frustration. She hadn't seen Nick in person in more than a month and she was missing him like crazy too. Even though he was on the road with her for her solo shows, as soon as she joined Bruno Mars' gruelling tour as his main opener six weeks ago, Nick had to get back home and focus on his other work at the Compound.

“Don’t change the subject. I’m still upset. I need these four other guys gone.”

“I’m not budging on the security detail, Tasha. Since Damon and I are not there and Finkel’s last known location was Los Angeles, I can’t afford to take chances with your safety.”

“Nick, they’re breathing down my neck, literally. I can’t move without stepping on at least one of them.” Then she changed her voice to a stage whisper. “They watched me do yoga, Nick.”

“Tash.” Nick sounded like he wanted to laugh and was barely stopping himself. “These are trained security guys. They are professionals. Damon and I vetted them ourselves.”

“Nick, it was pervy. I was in my dressing room. I was doing yoga, upside down. They looked at me like I was a freak.”

She felt Nick’s smile over the phone. “It’s because you ARE a freak, baby girl. No one else finds headstands relaxing.”

“That is not my point and you know it.”

Nick laughed, and she bit her lip. He enjoyed goading her way too much and sometimes she forgot. “Okay, Tash. Okay. I’ll call JC and have him tell them to stand down. Your two guards stay, though. Alright?”

She frowned and sighed. “Fine. But you owe me for this.”

“And you know how much I LOVE owing you,” he fairly growled in her ear. She blushed, remembering the last time they got into an argument and Nick apologized using...well, very delicious words.

“Fine.” She wanted to sound gruff but her voice softened at his teasing. “When are you getting here?”

“Soon. Everyone’s off the plane and we’re just getting the luggage in the car. Should be there in 20 minutes.” Nick had flown to Maryland yesterday to pick up Matty’s grandparents so they could spend Thanksgiving at the Compound. And because it was important to him, she said she’d spend Thanksgiving with him too, so she got to know Karen and Roy better.

Her dad understood. When she explained she was staying in California for Thanksgiving, he dismissed it like it was nothing. “Don’t worry, pumpkin,” he said calmly when she saw him a few weeks ago. “I’ve got plans of my own for Thanksgiving. I’ll be fine.”

 

Still she worried. Her dad’s new schedule of medications was making his tumor recede slowly and making him more energized. It was a beautiful thing. But she still wanted to make sure she was around him as much as she can be.

Thank goodness it was the last night of the tour. She didn’t have to worry about set lists and vocalizing and interviews. At least for another week. She can focus on relaxing and getting to know the rest of Nick’s family. And maybe, keeping her mind off what was really worrying her.

“Can you get here quickly? I miss you and I need a hug,” she said quietly.

“I know, baby. We’re headed there right now.” She let his words wash over her. “Tired?”

“I can’t even explain how tired I am.” She sighed. “I’m trying my best not to be bitchy, but I just...I need a real bed and you and just a few days of sleep.”

“Just a few more hours, love. Then I’ll take care of you, okay?” She heard some voices in the background. “Tash, we’re in the car. Hang tight, we’ll see you in a few.”

“Okay. Later, Nick.”

“Later, baby.” He paused before putting the phone down. “And Tash?”

“Yeah?”

“I have to talk to you about your messages. At some point tonight. Okay?”

She felt her stomach fall to the ground in panic. “What do you mean? What messages?” She clutched her phone tighter.

There was an obvious pause. “Your emails from this morning. About the album launch promo schedule? You sent them to Leigh, copied me?” Nick’s voice sounded closer to the receiver. “What is it?”

She barely managed to keep her sigh of relief in check. “Sorry, I forgot for a minute. Yes, of course, we can talk about that tonight.”

“Are you sure everything’s okay?”

“Yes,” Tasha reassured softly. “I’m just anxious. Last show, six bodyguards, no ‘me’ time. You know.”

Nick chuckled. “Fine, fine. If I didn’t miss you so much, I’d think you’re a pain in my ass. I’m calling JC now.”

Tasha gave a small--did it sound fake?--laugh. “Later, studmuffin.”

She put the phone down and leaned against the couch’s armrest. Her heart was still beating like crazy and as much as she wanted to tell Nick everything in her head, she couldn’t. Not now, not when she was so close to making face to face contact with Belinda.

For the last two months, or at least since she last saw Belinda disappear in the dark strip of Malibu beach, she put on a happy face...convincingly, it seemed, because not even Nick or her dad noticed. Starting her solo shows in Vegas, Colorado, Portland and San Francisco, she was the consummate performer, focused, sometimes funny, occasionally quirky. Her public loved her and Nick and Leigh were fielding booking and recording requests left and right.

There was a ridiculous demand for her to tour the rest of the country. Nick unfortunately wanted nothing to do with it.

“No more touring,” he declared while they were in the tour bus alone, en route from Portland to her last sold out show in San Francisco. “Not until this mess with the fire and the tapes is resolved.”

Tasha put her hands on her hips and frowned. “Nick, you’re supposed to look after my career. More tour dates is a good thing, especially since my album is coming out after Thanksgiving.”

“Yes but Damon and I can’t be here to protect you all the time, baby. We need to settle this before I can comfortably let you go on tour on your own.”

She raised her eyebrow and voice in annoyance. “Before you LET ME?”

Nick sighed. “You know what I mean.”

It wasn’t pretty, as far as first fights go. There was shouting, threats to get off the bus, threats to cancel the last show altogether. By some miracle, a call from Bruno Mars’ people came through just as Tasha was calling Leigh to get her a new manager. The offer to join the rest of his tour was a godsend, clearly an offer they couldn’t refuse even if Nick wanted to. Tasha was ultimately under the protection of a bigger tour, given more exposure and Nick didn’t have a chance to say no at all. As a compromise, Nick hired two of Damon’s buddies, both ex-military, as bodyguards trained to shoot the bad guys first and ask questions later.

Nick stayed on with her long enough on Bruno’s tour to make sure that everyone on the crew and tour management understood Tasha needed to be protected at all times. It didn’t hurt that Tasha’s easy personality endeared her to the rest of Bruno’s tour crew and soon enough, they were all professing their intent to protect her even if they die trying.

When Nick left the tour, Tasha decided to finally answer a text message that had come through her phone the day after the botched high speed chase.

Tash, I need to see you. But away from your blonde bodyguard.

She knew it was Belinda. How she got her number was still a mystery but she was glad she was able to talk to Belinda away from Nick’s watchful eye.

Bee, we need to talk about the tapes.

It was almost twenty-four hours before Belinda responded.

I don’t want to talk about the tapes. I want to talk about us. Face to face.

Tasha couldn’t figure out what she was saying. Bee, there is no us. But if it’s you behind the tapes and the fire, I need you to stop. I don’t want you to get in trouble. This is serious shit.

I don’t want to talk about anything other than you and me, Natasha. Please. There are things I need to tell you.

I can’t see you face to face, Bee. I’m on tour. Just...just call me. We’ll talk about it. I can help you.

I know where you are, Tash. I’m close. But I won’t show myself until you get rid of your security. I want it to be just you and me.

That last statement was enough for Tasha to stop responding entirely and confess to Nick that Belinda was actually hot on their trail. But at the same time, she was sick and tired of running away from this, letting Belinda scare her with threats of exposure, unreasonable demands. She was going to resolve this on her terms. No one else was going to get hurt.

So even though she stopped responding to Belinda’s messages, she took the rest of the month to come up with a plan, to end this once and for all.

“Baby girl, what’s this I hear about you in your birthday suit in there?” JC’s voice cut through her thoughts. “I’m coming in!”

Tasha scrambled to get up and pull the robe that was hanging from the closet next to her. Even though JC was like a brother to her, no way was he going to see her in her underwear, perv that he was.

She caught Allie hiding a smile as she pulled some seams loose on the bustier.

“Allie, my beauty, my love, where are you hiding our superstar?” JC asked smoothly, walking through the room unapologetically.

Tasha came out from the walk in closet and tied her robe closed. “C, stop torturing the poor girl. It’s bad enough she blushes every time you’re around.”

JC flashed a perfect smile in Allie’s direction. “Relax, Tash. Allie and I have an understanding, don’t we, Al?”

Allie raised an eyebrow amid the blush growing on her cheeks then resumed her work.

JC kept his smile on Allie for a few heartbeats before turning back to Tasha. “What’s this?” he asked, wagging his finger up and down, presumably referring to the silk covered length of her. “I come over because the boys say you’re in your birthday suit and now you’re wearing a robe. Did I walk too slow?”

Tasha smiled and shook her head. “Did you tell the boys to stand down?”

He sighed. “Yes. The four noobs, at least. Thing 1 and Thing 2 are still outside, guarding the door. Now, are you going to thank me by taking off the robe or are we just going to stand here?”

Tasha smiled and kissed him on the cheek. “You’re hilarious. Thank you. And don’t call them Thing 1 and Thing 2. Only I get to call them that. I won the bet, remember?”

He shook his head and mumbled, “You and your genius level Canadian hockey knowledge. So full of surprises.” Looking at his watch, he said. “Nick said he’s on his way. Did he tell you?”

Tasha nodded. “He said fifteen minutes or so.”

He grinned. “Are you excited down in your little happy place?”

She slapped his shoulder. “Don’t be crude.” JC couldn’t help it. Since Nick and Tasha were outed as a couple, JC was all sex jokes and knowing glances. Although he seemed to be genuinely happy for both of them, his ribbing took on an X-rated feel that Tasha brushed off on a good day, but today, with her nerves on edge, was starting to annoy her unreservedly.

“Come on, give a little. Rating how wet your underwear is right--”

“Oh my GOD, JC. Shut up already. I’m crazy tense as it is.”

JC winked. “Nick’ll know how to take care of that.”

“Can we have one conversation where you’re not a gross oversexed fifteen-year-old?”

He grinned and sat down next to Allie by the sewing machine and put an arm around her shoulders. “You know you love it.”

“JC, focus. Is everything ready on stage? Do we know when I’m supposed to go on?”

JC had joined her on the tour when Nick left because one, he was bored, and two, he missed going on tour. He acted as her stage manager-slash-tour manager of sorts when he wasn’t hitting on Allie and partying with Bruno and the Hooligans so his company was well appreciated by Tasha, who was still trying to get used to touring alone.

JC had also been a good confidant, when he wasn’t being an insensitive weirdo, and on nights like tonight, when Tasha was exhausted and just wanted to go home, he was her rock.

He walked up to her and pulled her into a tight hug. “What’s wrong, baby girl? Do you need some time for yoga? You’re not going on for another hour and fifteen. I can tell Bruno you’ll need more time if you want.”

Tasha’s eyes watered inexplicably but she blinked it away as she pulled away from him. “I’m fine. The not seeing Nick part is just getting to me. Is everything set on stage?”

JC nodded. “I was thinking of being on the keys tonight, give one of the guys the night off. Do you mind?”

She smiled. “I never mind. We’re great on stage together, you know that.”

He grinned and put an arm around her. “Good. I have a few curveballs I want to throw your way so stay sharp.”

“You got it, boss.”

His smile faltered a bit. He ran a thumb across her cheek and kissed her forehead. “Tash? Time for some real talk, okay? You know we’ve been on the road together for the last six weeks.”

She nodded.

“And I know something is up with you,” he said in a low voice. “I’m not going to press because it’s none of my business but baby.” He pulled her face up so she looked at him directly. “Whatever it is, make sure you tell Nick, okay? He can help. Whatever it is you’re worried about, whatever you have in your head, Nick WILL make it all better okay? I’ve never seen a man as devoted to another woman as he is with you.”

God, he was really determined to make her cry, wasn’t he? “Shut up. You’re ruining my makeup,” she said, pushing against his chest and blinking away stupid tears. “Also, you forgot how just two months ago, you warned me against him. Remember that?”

He looked appropriately sheepish. “I know. I’m a tool, aren’t I? I was just...I was looking out for you, that’s all. Nick’s...Nick hasn’t opened himself up to anyone since Faith and although I’m not surprised he opened up to you, I wasn’t sure if it was a temporary thing or if he was going to flake on you again. And you deserve better than that.”

“We’re good for each other, C.”

He smiled and pulled her to his side. “I know that now. That’s why I’m standing here and making sure you knew it too.”

She hugged him tightly. “Thank you, JC. That meant a lot more than you know.”

He smiled and nodded to the door. “Okay, enough drama. Let’s leave Allie to do her work. I want to show you something awesome I found in Bruno’s dressing room. Come on.”

*********

“Dammit, JC, pull it out. Pull it out. Pull it out!” Tasha screamed as Nick walked through the backstage hallways of the arena. He had just arrived at the venue minutes ago and set out to find his girl when he heard the familiar annoyed voice.

JC sounded more amused. “Tasha, stop fidgeting. I can’t---okay now we’re going to have to take off your robe.”

Nick didn’t know whether to laugh or really, just run to them. Clearly they’re caught in an...odd situation. Yeah, he’ll go with odd.

“JC, you shit. Now it’s stuck in my cleavage.”

“You need to calm down. Just wrap your fingers around it and pull.”

“I can’t, it’s too big and squishy. Goddammit, JC, I have to be on stage in an hour!”

“Maybe we need lube?”

Nick’s smile widened as he turned to the hallway where Tasha’s voice was coming from. And he barely controlled himself from bursting out laughing when he saw his beautiful girl jumping around with a snake around her shoulders. A giant snake, from the looks of it.

“JC, if this thing crushes my boobs, I’m going to kill you.” Tasha said through gritted teeth as she stood still and glared at JC standing a foot from her, presumably thinking of the best way to help but clearly enjoying her discomfort.

The closer he came to the duo, the clearer the saw the issue at hand. The albino boa (yes it was massive) that was wrapped around Tasha’s shoulders had started making its way down the front of her robe.

Nick came up behind her and said, “Tash, stay still. Let me...”

At the sound of his voice, Tasha stood stock still as Nick pulled the heavy reptile off her and nodded to JC. The other man gestured to him to bring it over.

It took a few minutes but he eventually lifted the snake off Tasha and into JC’s ready arms.

Tasha released the breath she was holding and swore to JC like it was her job. “You little shit starter that snake was going to fucking kill me what would you do if I died and I still have a goddamn bucket list what if I die without ever having kids you moron.”

Nick swallowed a chortle of laughter as he pulled the angry Tasha to his side before she launched herself onto an already laughing JC.

Burying her face onto Nick’s shirt, she mumbled, “Issotfunggy.”

Nick promptly lost it and let out a loud laugh. “What, baby?” he asked, pulling her away from him.

Her face still adorably flushed, she frowned up at him. “It’s not funny. You.” Her frown changed to a glower. “You need to fire him, not laugh with him.” She pushed against Nick and transferred her glare to JC. “I ALMOST DIED.”

“My love, I would never...” JC said before bursting out laughing again. “I’m sorry, but Tash, the terrified look on your face was just the best ever.” He started walking to her but she put her hand up.

“No. Stay away from me until you have that...that SNAKE locked in a cage or something.”

“Tash, come on. This one is friendly. And old. She probably wanted to snuggle. Her name’s Banana. Come on. You can pet her.”

Tasha blinked. “Her name is Banana?”

JC nodded. “Some even call her Princess Banana.”

“Get out.”

“She’s also fourteen years old. She was the same snake Britney danced with at the VMAs in 2001.”

Nick shook his head as Tasha gasped. She even tentatively pushed off him and walked cautiously to JC, her initial terror forgotten. “No way.”

“Way, baby girl. Want to pet her?”

Her voice lowered to an awed whisper. “Can I? Did I piss her off?”

JC shrugged, his eyes twinkling over at Nick. “She’s fine. Come on. Should I put her on your shoulder again?”

Tasha’s stance changed immediately. “Don’t you dare. I will cut you.”

Nick pulled her back to him again. “Tash, just...come here. Stay away from the snake.” Turning to JC, Nick asked, “Where the hell did you get that thing?”

“Bruno’s dressing room. He’s changing up a part of his show and will do a Britney Spears sketch at some point tonight and he wants it to be authentic for the last night of the tour.”

Nick shook his head. “You’re kidding.”

Tasha had been on the Bruno Mars sold out tour as an opener for the last six weeks and they were wrapping up the day before Thanksgiving. It was a great coincidence that the last night of the tour was in LA, because one, Nick couldn’t stand being away from Tasha for another day and two, it gave Nick a chance to plan a big surprise for her. Okay, maybe two big surprises.

“C, just go. Take Banana back to Bruno or wherever she’s supposed to be. Tasha needs to get ready for the show.”

JC just shrugged and walked away, Banana on his shoulders.

Nick turned to Tasha who was staring after JC with a look of confusion in her eyes. “Tash?”

“I feel like I need a shower and a hug from a snake at the same time. What is wrong with me.” She shook her head and shook her shoulders loose before turning back to Nick.

He smiled at her slowly. “Do you want a list or...”

Her eyes narrowed to slits before landing a punch on his arm.

Nick’s smiled warmed as he pulled her to him for a hug. “Come here, Sugar Ray and give your boyfriend a proper hello.”

She smiled as his head lowered to hers. “Ooh, illicit kissing in a public hallway. My manager would not approve.”

“Your manager is an asshole.” Nick said as his thumb spanned Tasha’s lower lip. “Him and I, we’ll have words.”

With a smile, their lips both connected and an audible sigh came from Tasha as she put her arms around him.

God he missed her. Six weeks was too long to spend apart, especially when they had just gotten together. He missed the way she clutched his waist whenever they kissed, the sexy purring sound that came from the back of her throat when they first kiss, the way she burrowed against him, like she couldn’t get close enough.

If only they weren’t in a public hallway.

“Okay, that was way better than Skype kissing,” she whispered when he pulled away.

Nick laughed. “Touching you after six weeks is better than anything, sweetheart.”

“Even bacon?”

Nick paused. “Maybe not bacon.”

She play-punched him in the arm again.

Nick could not keep the smile off his face. “I missed you.”

She touched his face gently and kissed his nose. “Psh. I’m all over you here. I missed you more.”

Nick narrowed his eyes suspiciously. “This feels competitive. Why are we competitive?”

“Blame Leigh. She has me on a tweet-spree to campaign for a number one record. I feel like I’m in a boxing ring with Taylor Swift and I’m THIS close to knocking her out.”

Nick smiled and kissed her forehead. “Been watching boxing with the bodyguards?”

She sighed and rested her head against his chest. “Those boys are serious about their sports. Can we switch Thing 2 with a girl Thing 2?”

“First of all, why are you still calling them Thing 1 and Thing 2? It’s Terrence and Ryan, you know.”

“They lost a bet. I get to call them Thing 1 and Thing 2 until after tonight’s show because they massively underestimated my knowledge of hockey. I was in Canada for four years after all. I can recite the starting lineup of all Canadian teams for three seasons.” She looked up at him. “So can I? Switch Thing 2 with a girl Thing 2?”

“Maybe. We’ll talk about it when we finalize your promo schedule.” He pulled her closer again. “Excited for your last show?”

She sighed. “I’m more excited to be getting home. No offense to Bruno and his crew but being away from everyone I know gets pretty lonesome.” She flattened her hand on his chest. “Also, everyone around me are boys. Except when Bruno dresses up in drag, of course. And then I get some girl time.”

Nick smiled and dropped another kiss on her lips. “You do realize that when we get back home to the Compound, you’ll STILL be surrounded by boys. Erm, men, I mean.”

“Yeah but at least Leigh will be around occasionally. That is, if she hasn’t quit after my YouTube shenanigans.” She looked at Nick hopefully.

He knew he should’ve looked stern. After all, that whole YouTube debacle from the week before was the reason for their most recent fight. But he couldn’t. The memory of it just made him smile wider.

Let’s backtrack a bit.

There was no denying that the last two months have been good to Tasha. After the crazy events surrounding the almost-release of the sex tapes as well as the fire, Tasha had determinedly moved forward, embarking on a two week solo tour along the west coast. Her notoriety from said events heightened the public’s curiosity, resulting in fantastic ticket sales and more press than both Nick and Leigh could have ever imagined.

To distract her growing fan base from the negative press, Tasha had taken to social media, talking to a few followers on Twitter every day, posting crazy photos on Instagram during her tour and updating her YouTube page with a tour diary-esque video every week as well as new covers, especially while she was on the road.

The offer to join the Bruno Mars tour came just as her sold out solo tour was about to end. Bruno’s interest in her peaked when the demand for live performances of the YouTube-only single he’d collaborated with Tasha grew leaps and bounds. It made sense to tour with him, especially since their song was getting unprecedented amount of radio play and iTunes downloads.

The invitation was serendipitous. Although, initially, Nick was totally adamant about keeping Tasha close so he could protect her, he also needed an opportunity to keep Tasha distracted and away from the Compound while he and Damon worked with the police to figure out who started the fire and finally track Belinda down. Johnny Finkel was released a few days after Tasha started her solo tour because the police didn’t have enough solid evidence to hold him responsible for the fire. Belinda was now next on the suspect list. She seemed to have disappeared, however, and Nick’s two private detectives and even Jeffrey Callaghan’s influence in the White House couldn’t get Belinda’s true coordinates.

So in spite of his initial hesitation at letting her tour alone, Nick decided the best thing to do was to keep Tasha distracted. He put her on a fancy tour bus and gave her an exhausting interview and promotion schedule, including all the social media commitments Leigh had imposed. At the end of the day, not only was Tasha’s focus solely on her career but away from worrying about the investigation.

A week into the Bruno Mars tour, Nick knew their decision to put Tasha on a massive tour such as this was the right one. Not only is every single review of her opening set raving about her talent, her quirkiness and how well she complemented Bruno and the Hooligans, she was also blossoming under the spotlight. It was beautiful to watch.

She was getting so comfortable in the spotlight that every show, her cameo on Bruno’s actual sets grew as well. She started with just a duet with Bruno for their song “Candlelight” but in the last week, she’d actually been invited to play acoustic on some songs, sitting on stage next to Bruno while they shared jokes and talked about anything and everything in front of a charmed crowd.

So her audience grew, and Tasha got so excited at her increased YouTube activity, she became bolder and bolder with her video posts. One night last week, after a particularly raunchy Skype session with Nick, she decided to play loose with a Gnarls Barkley cover and taped it topless with just her guitar covering the more...sensitive parts of her chest.

Arguably it was tastefully done, with some colourful commentary from her about how beautifully crazy her tour life had become.

“I’m topless not because I’m making a sexual statement. I’m topless because I can’t find my bra and my pile of laundry is so massive it’ll make me cry to go through it. Also, coz rock and roll!”

In no time, her cover of Crazy hit a million views, was featured on rollingstone.com and was the talk of morning talk shows.

Nick had been angry once he found out, mainly because they were attracting the specific kind of press he’d been keeping her away from. Partly, he was mad because she was his. It didn’t matter how cool her fans thought the video was. He was pissed, and told her so over the phone.

“Take the video down, NOW Tasha,” he said, his voice frosty and strained from trying not to yell over the phone.

“I will not. You haven’t even seen the whole thing.”

“I don’t need to see it. You were goddamn naked!”

“Half.”

“What?”

“Half naked. And I covered what needed to be covered. Jesus Nick, it was cute, funny. TASTEFUL. Have a sense of humor.”

“Tasha, for god’s sake, think about your image! You’re launching your album in a month. You don’t need negative publicity. We can’t--” Nick stopped abruptly and held his tongue.

“Can’t what, Nick? Clean up another one of my messes? Is that what you were going to say?”

“No.”

“I don’t believe you. Call me back when you decide to be honest with me.”

This fight went on for two days: over the phone, on Skype, over text messages. Leigh had threatened to quit over both of their theatrics. “I am not babysitting you kids anymore. If you don’t agree on what we’re going to do, I’m going to move to Hawaii and sell you both out to the tabloids.”

JC’s contribution to the discussion was a nonchalant “Not my problem.”

That left Nick without ideas.

“It would save us a whole lot of arguing if you just watch the damn thing, Nickolas,” Tasha’s last acerbic voicemail made him cringe. “You need to start listening to me. And trusting me. We’re supposed to be a team here.”

Four days after the video was revealed to the public, Nick sat down and watched it, in all its four minute glory.

It was heartfelt, it was light, it was all Tasha. And she was right. There was nothing deliberately offensive or too revealing about it. If anything stood out, it was Tasha’s bright shiny personality, her quirky, her vulnerability.

Tasha gave him a throaty laugh when he tried not to stumble over his apology over the phone. “Nick, for the nth time, stop apologizing and tell me we’re good. Are we good? Because I miss the phone sex. For real.”

And that was Tasha. Never holding a grudge, always understanding but always put up a fight when she needed. And too goddamn charming for her own good.

Which brought them back to now.

HIs arms around her, he inhaled the smell of coconuts from her hair. Six weeks was too long to be apart, he realized. Especially since they were so new.

“Nick?”

Distracted, he murmured, “Hmm?”

“You know I love cuddling. You’re a master cuddler. But we need to start moving, babe. I have an hour before I go on stage.” She frowned as she said it. “I think I smell like snake. Smell me. What do I smell like?”

He buried his nose against her hair. “Coconuts. And...” He pulled back and gave her a quizzical look. “Wait. Did you fall off the wagon, Ms. Vegetarian? Why do I smell barbecue sauce on you?”

She mumbled something like “Goddamn boys on the bus” but he wasn’t sure.

Tasha looped her arm around his waist and checked to see if her robe was still in place. “I need a shower.” Looking up at him, she smiled slyly. “Want to help scrub my back?”

He raised an eyebrow. “Do you really think I can hop in a shower with you after six weeks of not seeing you and expect me to be done with you in under an hour? Not happening, gorgeous.”

Tasha shook her head and leaned against his chest laughing. “Honestly. Longest six weeks ever.”

He dropped a kiss atop her head and tucked her to his side. “Okay, no more naughty talk from you. Let’s get you showered and dressed for the stage.” He tilted her head up so her eyes connected with his. “After the show though...you’re all mine.”

Tasha, smiling, stood on tiptoes and kissed him right on the lips. “Promises, promises.” With a barely audible sigh, she pulled away, grabbed his waist and started walking.

“So, everything’s alright?” he asked, arm around her shoulders, looking down at her distracted face. “You seemed tense on the phone.”

Her shoulders loosened and she leaned into him. “Yeah. I just needed a hug from you, that’s all. And I’ve been looking forward to Thanksgiving for weeks.”

“Good. I have been too. I have a few surprises for you.” They reached her dressing room and he paused before opening the door.

She looked intrigued. “Really. What kind of surprise? Does it involve you and me and some homemade caramel sauce? Because I have really fond memories of the last time that happened,” Tasha said with a sly smile, wiggling her eyebrows.

Beyond the door, a familiar voice called out, “We can hear you, you two!”

Tasha stepped back in surprise.

Nick gave her a reassuring smile and entwined her fingers through his. “Come on.”

He opened her dressing room door and they were greeted with loud cheers and a room full of smiling raucous people.

Tasha’s hand went on her throat in shock. As he pulled her in, every single one of them wouldn’t stop cheering: Leigh, Damon, Howie and the rest of the boys, Rochelle and the rest of the wives. Bruno Mars and his Hooligans were the loudest of all, right next to Tasha’s touring band.

It was a room full of love and all of it was for her.

He leaned down and whispered in her ear, “Welcome home, baby.”

Her grip tightened in his as the crowd parted and she could finally see his real surprise.

“Daddy.”

With tears unreservedly flowing, she let go of Nick and flew into her smiling father’s waiting arms.