Big Girl Now

Chapter 1

Marley’s Point of View

My life didn’t turn out quite like I expected it to. When I was eleven I wanted to be a prima ballerina. Over twenty years later and my dream never came true. I never set foot on the stage as a ballerina.

“We’d like to see the following numbers perform the combination. Five, seventeen, sixty-two, seventy-three, eighteen, eleven, ten, and forty. The rest of you are free to go.”

I was excited that my number got called, but at the same time I was nervous. If I landed this dance job I would finally feel successful. My whole career was riding on this one audition. At thirty-four I was a has-been in the dance world. So making it this far was an honor.

I took my position on the dance floor. I made sure to dance with energy and pizzazz. I was dancing with girls still in their teens. I nailed the turns and got into the hip hop sequence.

“Thank you girls. If you make it for the job you will receive a phone call no later than Friday.”

--------------------------------

I walked into the studio where rehearsals were set to begin. I set my bag down and waited for the others to arrive. Slowly they started trickling in. I saw four other girls from the audition. I was clearly the oldest, but I was okay with that.

When I saw him walk in the room my heart melted. I had the biggest crush on him back in the day. That was so long ago, but things had changed. I wasn’t the little girl he’d remember. I had lost my innocence years ago.

“Hello, beautiful. What’s your name?” He came right over to me. Thank goodness he didn’t recognize me.

“I’m Grace. It’s nice to meet you Donnie.”  I smile as I shake his hand.

“Stop flirting with this pretty woman. It’s time to start dancing, and I want her all to myself.” Joe walked up to us. He gave me an unsure look. It was like he remembered me from way back when. I hoped I could play it off.

“You boys are just too sweet. Maybe you should spread your love around to the other dancers.” I smiled at them. “I’m going to go stretch.”

I left the men standing there. I knew they were watching me. I didn’t know Joe as well as I knew Donnie, but they were both charming.

Summer of 1988

I was sitting on the porch reading a book about ballet. Someday I was going to be the prima ballerina of some big ballet company. I spent all my time studying ballet.

“Hey, Marley. Is Chad home?” Donnie sat beside me.

“Yeah, he’s in the garage.” I didn’t even look up from my book. Sleeping Beauty was more interesting than my brother.

“What are you reading?”

I looked up. “It’s a book about ballets.”

“You, going to be a ballerina some day?” He smiled at me. I didn’t understand why he was being so nice. Most of my brother’s friends were jerks to me.

“I plan on it. I want to dance and make people love ballet as much as I do.” I closed my book. “It’s kind of like your music career.”

“I guess you’re right.” Donnie stood up abruptly. “Keep working hard, Mar.”

Before I had a chance to respond, he was gone. My brother’s friends were so weird. I guess they had to be if they were friends with my brother. Even at eleven, I knew that.

I hated the fact that I had to keep my identity a secret. It was easier that way. I don’t think I could go back to being Marley Grace Sutton again. She didn’t exist anymore. It was easier being someone else.

After two hours of dancing, the choreographer let us break for lunch. I planned on going to the local coffee shop, but the guys had other plans. They had ordered lunch for everyone. So, I was stuck eating lunch with him.

I placed some salad on my plate. “Is that all you’re going to eat?”  Donnie asked.

“Yeah, I’m trying to watching my girlish figure. I’m not as young as the rest of these girls.”

My appearance couldn’t be more different than the other dancers. They were tall and thin. Me, on the other hand was medium height with curves and boobs.  I stuck out like a sore thumb. It could be the reason Donnie was paying so much attention to me.

“I have a secret to share with you, Grace.” He leaned close and whispered in my ear. “Sure those girls are pretty and younger, but I can’t stop looking at you. I love the way your body moves when you dance. You have a passion that they don’t have.”

His breath on my skin gave me the chills. His words haunted me. If he only knew what I had to do to get myself to this point in my life. The worst part is I felt like a liar. I wasn’t telling the truth. What happened down the line if he found out? He would be disgusted by my past.

“Umm…thank you Donnie. You better go pay attention to some of the other dancers. They keep looking at us, and I don’t want to be hated on the first day.” I took a bite of my salad.

“There’s just something about you Grace. I can’t put my finger on it, but I plan on figuring you out.” He got up and moved over with the other dancers.

I sat by myself and watched the guys interact with the other women. I was content to sit by myself and watch. The less everyone knew about me the better. I was here to dance, not to make best friends. I would be friendly towards everyone, but I wasn’t going to let anyone break my wall down.  Over the past decade I learned to not trust anyone. My heart had been broken one to many times. I wasn’t going to let it happen again.

Big Girl Now

Chapter 2

Donnie's Point of View

The past week had been torture for me. Rehearsals were going well, but I was sporting a major hard-on all day long. The girl I was dancing with must have thought I had the hots for her. Sure, she was pretty, but she wasn't my type.

The woman giving me an everlasting erection was the one who wouldn’t come five feet near me. It was like she was afraid of me. Not to sound cocky, but I wasn’t used to that. Most women threw themselves at me. It only intrigued me.

“So Donnie, are you planning on going out tonight?” Joe asked as we were collecting our things.

“I was thinking of going to McFadden’s for a couple of drinks.”

“Think we should invite the girls? I know you’re jonesing for that Grace lady.”

I stared at Joe for a moment before I spoke. “I’m not jonesing for anyone. She a beautiful woman, but that’s about all I know about her. She won’t talk to me.”

“That’s why you spent ten minutes in the bathroom after she did that pole dance in Big Girl Now.” Jon added his two cents.

Just thinking about that pole dance routine made my pants tight. Grace knew how to move on the pole. It was like she was an expert. She moved and glided with no effort. It was fucking beautiful. I would enjoy having her wrapped around me.

“Fuck you. I’ll see you guys around ten.” I grabbed my gym bag and headed out into the city.

------------

I looked in the window of McFadden’s before I walked in. I saw Danny and Joe sitting with all the dancers including Grace. I inhaled slowly and entered the bar.

“Hey Donnie! Over here.” Danny shouted at me. I sauntered over to the group.

“Hello ladies and gents.”

Everyone spent the next few minutes saying hellos, well except Grace. She continued to ignore me like always. For some reason she didn’t like me. Grace has no problem talking to any of the other guys. It was just me she was standoffish with. Didn’t she realize that only made me want her more? I loved women that were hard to get. Half the fun was the chase.

Tonight I was sitting back and watching instead of being the center of attention. I really didn’t know what was going on because my eyes were on Grace. She was busying talking to Jon and Cortney.  Her eyes lit up when she laughed.

I saw Grace walk towards the bar. This was my cue to get some alone time with her. Slowly I got up and followed her.

“Hello, Grace.” I whispered in her ear, as I stood behind her.

“Donnie.” She said tersely. Wow, it was frigid in here.

“Why don’t you like me?”

She turned around to face me. “Who said I didn’t like you? I don’t remember ever saying that.”

“It’s in your body language.” I stared deep into her hazel eyes. They looked so familiar, but I couldn’t place them.

“Just because I’m not fawning all over you, doesn’t mean I don’t like you. I’m being professional.”

“The thing is Grace; we’re going to be working very closely for the next few months. The New Kids are a family. Sure, we are professional but we like to have fun along the way.”  I smiled at her.

“Donnie, thanks for letting me know. I’ll try harder.” She didn’t even smile as she said it. Grace was going to be a hard shell to crack.

“Well, why don’t we start off by getting to know each other better? Let me get you a drink and we can talk.”

“I guess that would be okay.” She looked at the table where everyone else was. I could tell she was uncomfortable. How could anyone be that way around me? I was a nice, friendly guy.

“Let me get our drinks. There’s an empty table over there.” I pointed to the secluded table in the corner. “What would you like to drink?”

“I’ll take a ginger ale.”

We went our separate ways for a while. I hit the bar and got our drinks.

“Umm, this isn’t a ginger ale.” She looked at me in disbelief.

“Well I asked the bartender what you were drinking earlier.”

“Oh.” Was all she managed to say.

“I think your drink describes yourself perfect because whenever you’re around me you get tongue tied.” I joked.

Grace rolled her eyes at me. “In your dreams Wahlberg.” She smiled at me. It was the first actual smile she gave me this week.

“Well, I can’t lie and say you haven’t been invading my sleep.”

She sipped her drink. “Oh, Donnie. You’re really putting the charm on me tonight. I think we better just stick to a normal conversation. Flirting could get you into trouble.”

Damn this woman, she was trying to be serious, but my body couldn’t help reacting to her words. Did she know she had this effect on men? Was this her way of seducing me? Clearly, she had my brain a mess.

“Grace, you’re trying to ruin my fun.” I chuckled. “So tell me about yourself.”

“There’s not a lot to tell. I’m from New York. I’ve danced all my life. This is my first major dance job.” Grace told me quickly.

“Sweetheart, tell me something I don’t already know about you. I’m really a nice guy.”

“Donnie, there isn’t much to tell. Not everyone lives an exciting life like you.” She looked down at the table. Grace had the confidence to dance on stage like she owned it; yet face to face she was so shy. I wasn’t sure which one was the real Grace. Maybe she was somewhere in-between.

“I bet you are more exciting than you give yourself credit for. What do you like to do for fun?” I asked. If I could get Grace talking, I think she would loosen up a bit.

“Donnie, I’m so boring. There’s really not much to tell.” She smiled bashfully.

“Well then,” I paused for a moment. “I think we need to cause some trouble so you have an exciting story to tell people. How about we rob a bank or strip naked and run around Central Park.”

Grace started laughing. I don’t mean a tiny little giggle. It was a full blown hearty chuckle. I inhaled as I watched her. She was gorgeous. Her long dark hair hung in loose curls. My fingers were longing to play with them. Her eyes sparkled and she had a beautiful smile. Her body was lean and built for sex. She had natural pert boobs any woman would be jealous of, and all men were dying to caress.

“That’s the first time I’ve seen you enjoy yourself all night. Why don’t we get out of here and go do something.” I could tell she was reluctant, but I wasn’t taking no for an answer.  I wanted to see what made Grace tick.

“I guess.” She hesitated. “Let’s go before I change mind.”

I grabbed her hand and dragged her out the door. We were going to have some fun tonight.

Big Girl Now

Chapter 3

Marley’s Point of View

What possessed me to say yes to Donnie? I’ll never really know. After spending an evening walking around the city with him, I had fallen in love with Donnie again. This time it wasn’t a school girl crush. I wanted him. I wanted him bad.

I wasn’t the type of girl Donnie needed in his life. Once he found out about my past, he’d want nothing to do with me. I needed to keep my distance but I was finding that hard to do.

We were sitting in Starbucks drinking coffee. I excused myself to the bathroom. I didn’t realize that Donnie had followed me until his hand was on my back. He pushed us into the bathroom and locked the door.

“Don….” Was all I uttered before his lips were on mine. My mind was spinning and my heart was racing. Donnie’s lips were like magic. The way he kissed made me never want to stop. I wrapped my arms around his neck as he pushed me into the wall. His tongue licked my lips causing me to open them slightly. He probed his tongue in my mouth. My body betrayed me again, as our tongues started battling.

“Grace that was amazing. Did you feel the electricity between us?” Donnie’s voice was raspy. He clearly was still breathing hard.

“Donnie, I don’t know if this is such a good idea.” The words fell from my mouth. It wasn’t what I was thinking or feeling at the moment. All I wanted to do was take him to my apartment and have him fuck me senseless.

“Grace, I’m attracted to you. I have since the first day of rehearsal.”

A customer knocked on the door, interrupting our conversation. I was glad for the disturbance. I pulled away from Donnie and walked out. I didn’t even care about the stares I was receiving from patrons. When I got outside the cool air hit my face. Then I realized Donnie wasn’t behind me.

Halloween 1991

Chad, Donnie, Mark, and Jordan were all hanging out in the living room when I came home from school. Hating boys was on the top of my list. This included the ones sitting around laughing and having fun.

I threw my backpack on the chair and walked to the backyard. Today was the worst day ever at school. To top it off, it was my birthday.

“You didn’t need to throw your book bag on me.” His voice had a friendly tone to it. Of all the guys in the house, why did he have to come talk to me? Chad probably sent him since he knew about my crush on Donnie.

“I didn’t mean to.” I said quickly and went back to ignoring him. We stood on the porch in silence for a few minutes.

“Marley is something wrong? You seem upset.” He walked over to me. Slowly he took me by the arm and sat us down on the porch swing.

“I’m fine. Why are you trying to be so nice to me?” I didn’t want to be bothered. I just wanted to wallow in the pitifulness of my life.

“You’re Chad’s kid sister. I think you’re a nice girl. Are you still taking those ballet lessons?”

I was surprised that he remembered that I was a dancer. Donnie was an international pop star. Why would he waste his valuable time talking to his friend’s little sister. “Yes.”

“I bet you are a beautiful dancer.” He smiled at me.

“Thanks. Sorry I was being bitchy a few minutes ago. It’s been a sucky day. Not the way I wanted to feel on my birthday.”

“Happy Birthday, Marley.” He placed a kiss on my cheek. “You’re growing up. I remember when you born.”

I cringed at his comment. He laughed. I felt comfortable around him. “Donnie, what’s it like to kiss someone?” 

“Well the first time is very awkward, especially if you like the person you’re kissing.”

“Oh.” I said dejectedly.

“Mar, is there a boy you like?” He smiled at me. I was so embarrassed talking about this to Donnie. My face turned red. “Oh I think you like someone.”

“No. It’s just all my friends have kissed boys and I haven’t. They were teasing me about it.” I said with my head down. The truth came out. He was so easy to talk to.

“Don’t be embarrassed. You’ll find plenty of guys that will want to kiss you. You’re a beautiful young lady. Look at me.”

I looked up at Donnie and into his brown eyes. My heart melted. Donnie brought his face towards mine. No, there was no way he was going to kiss me. His lips were an inch from mine, when I slowly licked my own. Gently, he placed his lips on mine. The kiss was slow and tender. It wasn’t awkward at all. It was perfect.

“Why didn’t you run after me?” I asked when he walked out and stood by me.

“I figured you needed some time to cool off.”

“You’re not that hot Donnie.”  I said in mock-seriousness.

“That hurts.” He chuckled. “Grace, I meant what I said inside. I’m attracted to you.”

I started walking away, but he continued to follow. Damn his determination. “Donnie, I’m not the type of woman you want to get involved with. Plus we work together. You’re kind of my boss. It wouldn’t look right.”

“Us working together has nothing to do with this. How do you think Danny met his wife? She was our costumer. The rules of business don’t apply in the world of music.”

Donnie was the type of man that wouldn’t take no for an answer. My heart wanted to get involved with him. My mind knew that I couldn’t for obvious reasons. Why did I put myself in this position?

“I’m a follow the rules kind of girl. This just wouldn’t work.”

“Grace, I’m not asking you for a relationship or your hand in marriage. How about just a date? Let’s take some time to get to know one another. You’re such a mystery to me.”

Once he got to know me, Donnie would want nothing to do with me. Maybe I shouldn’t be dancing on this tour. It had only been a week of rehearsal and I was causing trouble.

“I’m not much of a mystery. What you see is what you get.” Why did I say that? I knew Donnie was going to say something.

“And I really like what I see. Can’t you just give me one chance to prove I’m worthy of dating a woman like you.” Donnie begged. I had to admit he was certainly charming. Nothing had changed all these years.

“That should be the other way around. I’m the one who has a lot to prove to you. My life hasn’t been easy.  I’m not like the other women you’ve dated.”

“Good, that’s why I find you so attractive. You aren’t all over me. Hell, half the time I don’t even think you like me. I’d find that hot and refreshing.” He pulled me into his arms. I love being wrapped up in him.

“Oh, I like you enough.” Against my better judgment, I decided to give in. It was only one date. “Fine, you win. I will go on one date with you. Then I’ll be out of your system for good.”

He tilted my face up and kissed me. Once again we got lost in each other. Donnie broke the kiss and said, “I don’t think I’ll ever get you out of my system.”

Big Girl Now

Chapter 4

Donnie’s Point of View

Rehearsals were going well. I think we were going to be ready in time for the start of the tour in two weeks. Our dancers were amazing. They stepped up to the plate and learned the choreography we had been learning for the month before they got hired. Grace had earned the position of dance captain. This meant she would be in charge of rehearsals on tour. I could tell that it was a great honor for her. She was a hard worker and always helped us when our feet got twisted together.

I walked over to Jordan and Danny, who were waiting for the meeting to start. “Hey guys. What’s up?”

“Not much. How was your date with Grace?” Danny inquired.

“It was nice.” There was no way I was getting into details with my friends. They would tease me relentlessly.

Last Night

Earlier in the day I had decided to take Grace to a fancy restaurant near Central Park. Then I remembered that she was a native New Yorker. I scratched that plan and decided to have dinner at my apartment. This would give me a chance to get to know her better.

Dinner had been delivered about ten minutes ago. It was warming in the oven and the wine was chilling. All I was waiting for was Grace. The doorbell rang and I rushed to answer it.

“Welcome Grace. You look stunning tonight.” She was already giving me a massive hard-on after ten seconds. Grace was gorgeous in her little black dress.

“Thank you Donnie. You’re looking rather good yourself.” We walked into the living room. “I was surprised you invited me into your place.”

“I’m not worried you’re a stalker. Remember you don’t like me that much.”  I smiled at her.

She laughed as she sat down. “Well maybe you can give me a reason to like you a little bit more.”

I welcomed that idea. I don’t know how willing she would be to wanting to get to know me the way I wanted to get to know her. All I wanted to do was get her into my bed.

“Grace, I hope to give you many reasons to like me. Would you care for some wine? Dinner will be ready shortly.”

“Sure. Why not?”

I quickly poured us both a glass of chardonnay. Grace took the glass from me and sipped slowly. She was sexy drinking wine.

Over dinner we talked and got to know each other better. Well, I didn’t learn as much as I wanted about Grace. She was very elusive when it came to her personal life. Women like that tend to bother me, but for some reason I found it sensual when it came to Grace. I didn’t think she was hiding any deep dark secrets. She was just reserved when it came to her personal life.

“Dinner was delicious. Do you have any more of that wine? It’s one of the best I’ve ever tasted.” She leaned on the counter as I put the dishes in the sink.

“As soon as I’m finished I’ll pour us another glass.”

“Thanks for inviting me to dinner. I think I’m starting to like you.” Grace said quietly. She gave me chills when she said that. My body got tense.

“Well, I’m glad of that. My mom would be proud that I’m making new friends.” I poured our wine and handed her a glass.

She took a drink of wine, almost finishing the whole glass. “Mmm, Donnie this wine is so good. You need to give me the name so I can buy a bottle.”

“It’s called Foreplay.”

She set her wine down on the counter and reduced the space between us. Without thinking my hands were on her hips and my mouth was on her smooth lips. Electricity filled the air as we were lip locked. Grace’s hands were unbuttoning my shirt at record speed. Before I knew it my shirt was on the ground.

“Are you sure about this?” I whispered as I sucked on her neck.

“Mmm, yes. I haven’t had sex in months. I like the way you turn me on.” I loved the way she moaned.

My hands went to the zipper of her dress. I carefully unzipped it, not wanting to break the zipper. In my excitement I have been known to do that. She undid my pants and slid them down along with my boxers. When I pulled her dress down, I noticed she wasn’t wearing a bra or panties. Wow! That’s the only word that came to mind when I looked at her gorgeous naked body.

“Did you purposely not wear any lingerie for me?” I teased as I started caressing her ample bosom.

“Actually, no. I ran out of bras and panties and didn’t have time to do laundry. You were never supposed to see.” Her head fell back in laughter. She started licking and sucking my neck. All talking was forgotten.

We went at in for hours in my kitchen. The floor, the counter, and the wall had all been christened by us. It was the best night of my life.

The meeting went on for hours. I was bored stiff. I texted Grace a few times, but she never responded. I figured she was busy shopping or packing.

“So all we have left to do is decide which pictures you want in the tour program. Once we get them back, I’ll let you go over the proofs and choose. They should be here by the end of the week.” Drea, our manager announced. “You are free to go.”

I saw Jon jump out of his seat and quickly leave. I wonder what the rush was.

“Where’s he going?” I asked Jordan who was only one left in the room.

“He’s meeting Grace for lunch.”

“What?” I was thoroughly confused. We spent a wonderful night together and she was having lunch with Jon. This was not fair. I thought after last night things were different between us. In between sex, we had actually taken the time to get to know one another. She didn’t seem as aloof as she did in the beginning. I thought we were on our way to becoming great friends.

“Grace and Jon hang out a lot. Jon says she feels really comfortable talking to him.”

I was ready to throw a tantrum, but I controlled myself. What did Jon have that I didn’t? Oh yeah, he was just a friend. I, on the other hand was intimidating. Grace only saw me as being the guy who wanted to get in her pants. Well, I proved that last night, except she was the one that initiated the sex last night. Damn, I felt used. She played me, and I didn’t even realize it.

“Drea, I was wondering if you could give me Grace’s address. She asked me to give her a copy of the music, and I forgot.” I use my charm to get what I wanted. I had no choice, I needed to confront Grace.

“Sure. Let me write it down for you.” She gave me a slip of paper.

I pressed a kiss to her cheek. “Thanks, Dre. See you tomorrow.”

With that I was on my way. I was going to settle things with Grace tonight.

Big Girl Now

Chapter 5

Marley’s Point Of View

“Grace, we need to talk about something important.” Jon said as soon as I arrived at the restaurant. I could tell by the look on his face that it wasn’t good.

“Okay.” I answered uneasily as I sat down.

“When are you going to tell Donnie the truth?” He questioned me.

“What are you talking about?” I wasn’t sure what he was getting at. In my gut I had a sick feeling.

“Come on, Marley. You can stop pretending to be somebody you’re not.” Jon remarked coolly. He was upset with me. I couldn’t blame him. I was a liar, but he wouldn’t understand.

“I haven’t been Marley for a long time.” I left it at that, hoping he would just leave it alone.

The waiter came to take our order, but I told him we needed a few more minutes.

“I like you a lot. What’s up with that?”

I fiddled with the forks on the table. My nerves were getting the best of me. “Jon, I haven’t made the best choices in life. I’m trying to forget my past and move on with my future.”

“Did you rob a bank or something? Nothing can be that bad.” He placed his hand on mine. “Donnie’s not perfect either, but he really likes you. I’m not talking about friendship either. He’s falling for you.”

I stared at Jon in astonishment. Sure Donnie and I had some great sexual chemistry, but that’s where it ended. How could he fall for me? He didn’t know anything about me as a person. I shared very little of my personal life with him.

“Why do you look so shocked? Everyone sees it but you.”

“I can’t deny the physical connection we have. We made that perfectly clear last night.” I muttered more to myself than Jon.

“Please spare me the details. My boyfriend is out of town, and I’m missing him.”

I looked a Jon and started to chuckle. He knew just what to do to make me calm down.  The waiter came over and we quickly ordered.

“Jon, if Donnie knew about my past, he’d want nothing to do with me. I don’t think he even remembers me from back in Dorchester. I was just his friend’s kid sister.” I sipped my water.

“I can’t speak for him, but I think he would want to know the truth. Donnie’s had his own demons to deal with. You need to come clean with yours so you can move on with your life. Sure, Donnie may not be thrilled with whatever you are hiding, but in time he would get over it. That man is infatuated with you, but eventually the truth is going to come out. It would be better coming from you sooner rather than later.

I wasn’t hungry anymore. In fact I was tired and depressed. I just wanted curl up in my bed and forget about New Kids On The Block, dancing, and Donnie Wahlberg. None of which I could do.

After a dismal lunch, I made my way back to my dingy, little studio apartment. Donnie was sitting on the in the lobby. What was he doing here?

“Hello Grace!” He smiled as he walked over to me.

“What are you, umm doing here?” I grabbed my key from my purse.

“I wanted to talk to you. Did you enjoy your lunch with Jon?” He said with a bite. I detected a bit of jealously in his voice. Jon was a nice guy, but he had a lover. I attracted to someone else.

“Not really.” I started walking up the stairs. My apartment complex didn’t have an elevator. We had to trek up four flights of stairs. Donnie was hot on my trail. If I would happen to stop, he would be up my ass.

I unlocked the door and went inside. I didn’t wait for Donnie to come in. I started taking off my clothes.

“Whoa! You look stunning in your bra and panties, Grace.” He said as he lifted up his shirt to take it off.

I stared at him in disbelief. “We are not sleeping together.”

I saw Donnie put his shirt back down. The look on his face was priceless. I couldn’t help but laugh.

“What’s so funny?” He leaned against the wall.

“You actually thinking I was going to have sex with you. “ I giggled. “You might be hot Donnie, but I’m not going to spread my legs for you every time we’re alone.”

“Why are you acting like such a bitch? Last night you couldn’t get enough of me. Tonight you don’t even want to touch me with a ten foot pole.” He gave it right back to me. I know I deserved it. After my conversation with Jon, I knew that a relationship with Donnie was never going to work. If he knew the truth he would never look at me again.

“I just realize that sleeping together wasn’t such a great idea. Sex complicates things. Look, we can’t even talk without arguing.” I pulled a sweatshirt over my body and continued. “It’s going to be a long tour. I don’t want sex to ruin things. I think that maybe we should stay away from each other during our free time.”

“Grace, if that’s what you what. I’m not going to beg you. You’re a beautiful woman that I would love to get to know better. As much as I want to beg you to give me a chance, I’m going to respect your wishes.” He said indifferently. Donnie was pissed, but I knew he would get over it. It was better than him finding out the truth.

“Thank you for respecting my wishes.” He walked over and gave me a kiss on the check and left. It was hard watching him go.

I grabbed a blanket and stretched out on the couch. It was time to wallow in my own pity.

Fall of 1993

My roommates at the American Ballet Theatre School and I were sitting around gossiping. We had some free time which was unusual. The director of the company was meeting with us individually to discuss our potential at becoming a ballerina.

“So who’s that guy in that picture you stare at all the time?” Kiki asked curiously.

“His name is Donnie.” I sighed dramatically.

“He’s hot.” Roberta laughed.

There was no way I could tell them he was Donnie from New Kids On The Block. They wouldn’t have believed me anyway.

“Is he your boyfriend? Have you kissed him?”

I laughed at all the questions they were asking me. “He’s not my boyfriend yet. Yes, we’ve kissed.”

“You’re so lucky.” Roberta gushed. She had never been kissed.

“Yeah. Someday I’m going to be Donnie’s girlfriend. I have a feeling about me and him.”

“Marley Sutton, Mr. Gallagher would like to see you.” The secretary pulled me out of my daydream. I calmed myself down; it was time to be serious.

“Hello Miss Sutton. Please take a seat.”

I followed Mr. Gallagher’s order. I was afraid to not listen to him. Someday he might be my boss.

“How are you enjoying The ABT School?” He peered at me over his glasses.

“I love it so far. I’ve learned a lot since the beginning of the semester.”

“That’s wonderful Marley. I’m just concerned about your body’s development. All of your teachers’ have noticed that you are developing a more womanly body.” He stared at me for a moment. I was nervous about what he was going to say next. “Marley, you are a wonderful dancer, and I see you becoming better with each passing day, but you don’t have the ideal body. That’s not to say that you can’t become a dancer. You just might be better suited for Broadway or music videos.”

I couldn’t believe what he was saying. “Does this mean you’re kicking me out?”

“Not at all. We want to see you develop your skills to the fullest. All I’m asking you is to weigh your options. Plus, over the next few years your body is going to continue to develop and change. I don’t want to see you leave ABT being disappointed.”

“Thank you for your time, Mr. Gallagher.” I was crushed. All I ever wanted to be ballerina.

Big Girl Now

Chapter 6

Donnie’s Point Of View

The tour was going better than expected. The fans were eating us up. We had sell-out crowds each night. Finally we were in New York. Tonight we would be doing our second show there.

Grace was still being standoffish towards me and everyone else. She didn’t talk to Jon anymore. He told me they had some words before the tour started. If she wasn’t such a great dancer, I would have kicked her off the tour.

I couldn’t stop thinking about her. Having to dance so close to her every night was not exactly pleasant. I’m sure the fans loved seeing my hard-on the entire show. I spent many a night masturbating after the show. I wanted her so bad.

Today I was filming a scene for Blue Bloods before the concert. My work was never finished, but at least I would be away from Grace.

I was sitting in hair and makeup, when Will came in. “Hey man, it’s good to see you.”

“You to man.” He punched me in the arm. “I enjoyed the show last night.”

“Great. I’m glad you did.”

“Yeah, that dancer who did the pole dance was hot. She looked familiar to me.”

“Really?” I asked. Not sure where Will would know her from. “She’s from New York.”

“What’s her name?”

“Her name is Grace.” I got up from the chair. “Thanks, Liz. Great job on making me look handsome.”

“Does Grace have a last name?” Will questioned as he sat in the makeup chair.

I leaned back against the counter, not sure where this conversation was going. “Umm I think her last name is Sutton. Why?”

He squirmed in his seat. “Promise you won’t get mad at me. I think I know Grace.”

“How?” Was all I could utter. I didn’t know if this was going to be such a good thing.

“I think she was a stripper at this club I use to frequent a few years ago.” Will said quietly.

I was dumbfounded by Will’s comment. First I never pegged him as a frequent strip club visitor. Sure Grace’s body was built for sex, and she knew her way around a pole, but she didn’t seem the type to show off her body for money. “I think you’re mistaken.”

“I could be, but I got to be pretty good friends with her.”

“How the hell does a squeaky clean kid like you get involved with a stripper?” I was baffled by the things I was learning.

“Well, I was lonely. I paid for a lot of lap dances and got to know her pretty well.” Will didn’t even bat an eyelash.

“So this stripper, you became friends with, tell me about her.” I needed to know the details to prove him wrong.

“Well she’s was from Boston originally. She came to New York to be a ballerina, but it never panned out. To make ends meet she became a stripper. She was so graceful which is why I saw Grace dance I thought she was the same woman.”  He shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

“Nah, totally different woman. Grace is a native New Yorker. Was your stripper named Grace?”

“Well her stripper name was Divine Grace. I know that doesn’t mean anything. Her real name is Marley Sutton.”

Why did that name sound so familiar? It was like I heard it before.

“Hey uncles! What’s shakin’?” Sami entered the dressing room. I was thankful for her interruption. This conversation was over for now.

I walked over and gave her a hug. “Glad to see you. See you both at family dinner in a few.”

--------------------------

After a long day, on the set I was still in a pissy mood. I thought a lot about what Will said. Maybe I needed to confront Grace with the whole stripping thing. How the hell was I going to do that? She wouldn’t even talk to me.  I was going to make an attempt anyway.

The show was going great. I was backstage changing into my next outfit. I was still thinking about thinking about Marley Sutton.  It was interesting that she had the same last name as Grace, but Sutton was a common name.

I started zipping up my pants, when a thought came to mind. I had a friend Chad Sutton from back in the day. He had a little sister. What the fuck was her name?

“Donnie, what’s up? You’ve look preoccupied all night. What’s wrong?” Jordan asked.

“Nothing.” I lied. “Plus there’s not a lot of time to talk.” I grabbed my hat and ran back on stage.

We started singing Big Girl Now. I was dancing, singing, and cheesing it up for the fans. I was giving my all for the fans. They were the reason I did this. I spun around and got into my pose. Grace was doing her famous pole dance that got all the men in the crowd excited. Hell, my body got excited every night and I’ve seen it many times.

Marley Sutton. Marley Sutton. No, it couldn’t be. There was no way in hell that I slept with my friend’s kid sister. Grace couldn’t be Chad’s little sister. What were the odds? She was going to a world renowned ballerina. Her life was devoted to ballet. How did she end up a stripper?

I finished the song and was thankful the concert was almost over. My mind was reeling from what came to light.

After the show, I grabbed Grace by the arm. “Let go of me.” She struggled to get away from me.

“We. Need. To. Talk. Now.” I said in a low growl.

“We have nothing to talk about.” She pulled away from me. “Especially if you’re going to act like a barbarian.”

“I’m not giving you a choice. You’re going to ride on my bus tonight.”

“Don’t tell me what to do.” She hissed at me as she glared at me. I didn’t care if she was mad at me or not. This charade she was playing was going to come to an end. I didn’t like being played a fool.

“If you want to keep your job, I think you’ll follow my directions.” I moved in closer to her. She was beautiful. My lips hovered over hers. I lower them and kissed her with all my pent-up desire. She succumbed to the kiss. Both of us were wrapped up in each other and the sexual desire we were feeling.

She broke apart first. “Give me twenty minutes to change and grab my stuff.”

“I’ll wait for by my bus.”

“Don’t you trust me?” She questioned with a hint of amusement.

“At this point no. Just go do what you need to do.”

Big Girl Now

Chapter 7

Marley’s Point of View

I don’t know what kind of game Donnie was playing, but I didn’t like it. In the past three weeks he hadn’t made the effort to talk to me once. Okay, so he was only doing what I asked. This is the one time I wish the man didn’t listen to me. Why did Donnie have to be so stubborn?

I walked towards Donnie’s bus. He was standing there waiting for me. I moved past him on went straight onto the bus. I found a seat on the couch and decided to ignore him for as long as possible.

As soon as he got on, the bus driver pulled out. I guess I would be with Donnie for the long haul. He grabbed my arm and pulled me up.

“Where are we going?”

“Somewhere more private.” He said seriously.

“I don’t think your bedroom is the best place.” I couldn’t believe he was going to try to get me in his bed again.

“Sleeping with you is not my intention. I don’t think you want Lonnie hearing this conversation.” He replied lowly.

I wasn’t so sure about this anymore. What hell did he want to talk about? I was more than a bit worried.

He opened the door and let me in. I walked in and sat down on his luxurious bed. I wished I slept in that every night. Donnie took a moment and locked the door.

“Are you really locking the door?” He nodded his head at me. “Do you really think I’m going to jump off a moving bus? You’re nuts Wahlberg.”

“This is an important conversation. I don’t want you running away because you don’t like what I have to say.”

“Stop and just tell me what you want to say. The sooner I get away from you the better.”  The man was beating around the bush. Couldn’t he just get to the point?

“Fine, Marley. I will.”

“What did you call me?” I asked unsurely.

“I called you by your name Marley Sutton.” He leaned against the wall, looking smug.

“Donnie, I think you are sadly mistaken. That’s not my name.” My voice began to falter. How did he find out?

“Stop lying.”

“Why do you care so much anyway? It’s not like it’s going to change things.” I stood up and started pacing.

“It changes everything. Why did you lie?” He took a seat on the bed.

“Donnie, nothing in my life has gone the way I planned it. I did a lot of things I’m not proud of. I’m embarrassed about who I was back then. I figured if I changed my name I could be a new person.” I didn’t realize tears were falling down my face. I learned to stop feeling emotions a long time ago.

“What happened? I remember you got accepted into a ballet school in the city. You had all these dreams of becoming a ballerina.”

“Donnie, I came to New York to pursue ballet. My parents weren’t happy. I was lucky I got a scholarship because they were not going to helping me financially. A few months into the fall term, I started developing. My body wasn’t that of a typical ballerina.” Donnie walked over to me when he saw that I was on the verge of hysterics. He wrapped his arms around me and gently moved us to the bed. It was comforting be held in his arms.

“Mar, I had no idea. I’m sorry about your dream.” He said softly.

“The director let me continue with the program until I graduated. I never did get offered a spot in a ballet company. I wasted all that time, when I could have been doing something more productive as my parents would say.  They stopped talking to me when I decided to stay in New York. They thought I should go back to Boston and go to college.”

“They were concerned about you. I know your parents were really strict about you getting an education.”

“All I wanted to do was dance. I started working as a waitress and auditioning for every dance part available. Unfortunately with only a ballet background I was told I wasn’t right for Broadway or music videos.” I looked into Donnie’s brown eyes. He didn’t look at me with disgust. There was warmth in them, showing me that he cared. “Waitressing didn’t help pay the bills. With my body and dance skills I was able to get a job as a stripper in a high class club. It wasn’t what I wanted to do, but I didn’t have a choice.”

I started to bawl into his chest. “Shh, it’s okay. We all do things we don’t like when we feel we don’t have a choice. You were just trying to survive.”

“Donnie, I started making good money. The boss said I was so popular that he wanted me to do lap dances because I would make him more money. There was no way to say no, or I’d get fired. So, I was stuck gyrating on business men and celebrities. My self-confidence plummeted. I used the money to take all types of dance lessons. That’s what got me through all those years.”

“Look at me Marley.” I turned my face up to him. “That is your past. You did what you had to do in order to survive. Life gave you lemons and you did your best to make lemonade. Mar, you are the sweet girl from back in Dorchester. I always thought you were special.”

“Donnie, thank you for being so understanding. Most guys would hate a girl like me. Jonathan urged me to tell you who I really was. I told him I couldn’t because of what I let myself do.” I explained to him. “I was embarrassed.”

He kissed my hair. A little touch like that meant so much to me. I was really a good girl at heart. I had made bad choices.

“Marley, I’ve done things I’m not proud of. Life is about making mistakes and learning from them. They make you stronger. I can’t say anything because I frequented my fair share of strip joints in my life. I’ve been to jail, but I’ve learned from it. I’m a better person today because of it. You are a better person than you give yourself credit for.”

“Donnie, I appreciate you being so understanding. It means a lot to me.”

He took my hands in his. “I want to start over with you, Marley. I’m not sure if what I saw so far has been the real you. Can we start over as friends?”

I thought for a moment. Could I just be friends with Donnie? He never realized that I had a crush on him since I was eleven and still did today. I’m thinking I better keep that quiet for now.  It was going to be even harder since we made love. “Sure, I’d love to be friends.”

He pulled me in a hug that felt more like a brother than someone I wanted as a lover. I should be happy Donnie was back in my life, but I wanted more. Would I ever get what I truly wanted?

Big Girl Now

Chapter 8

Donnie’s Point Of View

Things between Marley and I were getting better. We were becoming the best of friends. She spent a lot of time on my bus. Mostly we talked and watched movies.

As much as I wanted her, I had to keep my horniness in check. There was no way I could sleep with my friend’s kid sister. She was off limits. Sure, I hadn’t talked to Chad in years, but it was wrong to lust over his little sister.

“What do you feel like doing?” Marley asked. I could tell she was bored.

“I don’t know. We could watch a movie.” I suggested as I plopped on the couch next to her. She smelled like peaches and cream. That made me want her more.

“We do that every night. I’m bored.” She sighed dramatically. Marley moved closer to me.

“What do you want to do?” I asked curiously. I was sort of afraid what she was going to say.

“Well, I’d like to have your lips all over my body.” She smiled at me as she straddled my lap. “What do you think about that?

My body was reacting and she knew it. She wiggled her ass and scraped her nails down my chest. “I don’t know if that is such a good idea.” I said slowly. I couldn’t concentrate on what was coming out of my mouth.

“I thought you liked me. We have good chemistry, but ever since you found out the truth you can’t even look at me as a woman. I’m still Chad’s baby sister in your eyes.” She huffed and removed herself from my body. She could see my erection. “Your body is telling me a different story. I’m going to bed. See you in the morning.”

“Where are you going?”

“To bed. You don’t want me, so I have nothing better to do.” She walked towards the bedroom and slammed the door once she was inside. I heard her lock the door. Guess I was stuck sleeping on the couch or one of the bunks. Marley was pissed at me. We went almost two weeks without any issues.

I grabbed a pillow and found a bunk to crash in. My mind kept going to Marley straddling me. That girl was H-O-T.  My pants were tight again. I slid down my sweats and boxers. Slowly I started getting myself off. She had me all hot and bothered. I needed to release this pent-up sexual desire. There was no way I could let her find out the way she made me feel. I thought about Marley the whole time I was masturbating. I shot my load and quickly fell asleep. She was going to invade my dreams.

I awoke when I saw the curtain being moved. The look on Marley’s face was half amusement and half ticked off. I was guessing she still wasn’t over last night. That girl could hold a grudge.

“Mornin’.” I said hoarsely.

“I’m sure it was. Did you have fun playing with your dick last night?” She closed the curtain and walked away. This was not good.

I looked down and realized I never pulled my pants back up last night. She was mad all over again. This time I didn’t blame her. I pulled my bottoms up and jumped down from my bunk.

Marley sat at the table eating a bagel loaded with cream cheese. She wouldn’t even look at me. She was upset and angry.

“Mar, baby.” I sat across from her.

“Don’t Mar baby me. You make me mad, Donnie.”

“Let me explain.” I wanted her to know the reason why we couldn’t be involved intimately.

“No need. You’re just going to say that I’m Chad’s little sister and that we can only be friends. I think it’s ridiculous that ever since you found out who I was I’m off limits. Before that you wanted to jump my bones constantly.” She slid out of the booth. “I don’t get this change of heart, but I can’t continue hanging with you if nothing’s going to happen.”

The door opened and in walked Joe and Jordan. I was not in the mood to deal with their shenanigans.

“Good morning lovebirds.” Joe sang.

“Damn it, we’re not lovebirds. Enjoy your time with him.” She grabbed her bag and put on her flip flops. “I’m out of here.”

With that she left. I was stuck with my friends, who had the wrong idea about us. I wasn’t in the mood to socialize. I wanted to go back to bed and forget about what happened.

“Who pissed in her Cheerios?” Jordan sat down.

“Stop staring at me like I had two heads Joey.” I barked.

“Trouble in paradise? Wouldn’t Marley put out for you?”

“Shut up! Don’t talk about her that way. I’m the one who won’t put out.”

Jordan and Joe exchanged glances. They knew how much I enjoyed sex. I wasn’t one to go without it for long. This was the first time I held out with a woman in a long time.

“Are you the same Donnie we know?”

“Jordan, I just can’t go there with Marley.”

“Can’t or won’t?” Joe asked. I wasn’t sure myself. My head fell onto the table. The coolness felt good on my head. This was getting out of hand.  I was feeling like a teenager again.

“Won’t.” I said matter-of-factly. “She is Chad’s little sister.”

“Marley is a grown woman. You don’t even talk to Chad. I think it’s perfectly fine to have an adult relationship with her.”  Joe acted like it was so easy. He was a newlywed and very happy.

“Joe’s right. It’s clear that you and Marley have something. Give it a chance. It didn’t bother you sleeping with her before.”

I got what they were saying. It shouldn’t matter. We were both consenting adults. I needed time to think about it. There was no reason to rush into anything. I wanted to be sure. Marley didn’t need me breaking her heart. She dealt with enough heartbreak over the years. No matter what I wouldn’t be the man to hurt Marley.

Big Girl Now

Chapter 9

Marley’s Point of View

Donnie was getting on my nerves. This whole friendship thing was enough to make me want to smack him. I didn’t want to be his friend. When I was eleven I didn’t view him as a friend. I had the biggest crush on him since I started liking boys.

“Marley are you okay?” Sela, one of the dancers asked.

“Fine and dandy.” I leaned against the building while she smoked.

“I saw you storm away from Donnie’s bus.” She commented. I was embarrassed that anyone saw me stalk off his bus.

“What did he do now to piss you off?” Jon remarked as he joined us.

“He’s afraid to touch me like a woman. Hell, I think you get felt up more from him than I have.”

“He’s a fool. You want me to talk to him?” Jon hugged me.

“No.  I want him to realize what he’s missing on his own. I’m going to head in.”

I walked into the venue and went straight to catering. I figured a doughnut or something would make me feel better. I grabbed a jelly filled one and sat down.

“Hey Marley. Care if I sit down?” Jayson, the drummer of the band asked.

“Sure.”

Jayson was a sweet guy.  Not to mention that he was hot. He stood over six feet tall with dark wavy hair and the greenest eyes I had ever seen. He made a pair of tight jeans look good.

“Why are you all alone?” He smiled at me.

“Just needed some time to think.”

“A beautiful girl like you shouldn’t be sitting all alone.” He smiled at me. “I should see a bunch of guys fighting for your attention.”

It was nice having a guy flirt with me. I wished it was Donnie but that was never going to happen.  I was almost ready to give up on him. Maybe one more chance wouldn’t hurt. Hopefully he could get his head out of his ass long enough to realize that I wasn’t a little girl anymore.

“Flattery will get you everywhere.” I giggled.

Donnie walked into catering and gave me a look. I smiled at him and looked away, giving all my attention to Jayson.

“So, are you planning on going to the after party tonight?” He green eyes sparkled as he talked. I couldn’t stop looking into them.

“Maybe, if you know a certain someone that wants to ask me.” I flipped my hair for effect. I knew Donnie was watching, and I was trying to make him jealous.

“Marley would you like to go to the party with me?” Jayson asked sweetly.

I reached over the table and placed a kiss on his cheek. “I’d love to go with you. I’ll be sure to wear my sexiest dress for you. See you tonight.” Then I walked past Donnie.

I made my way to the bus to pack up my stuff. I was going back to the dancers’ bus. I was almost finished packing, except for deciding which dress I was going to wear tonight, when he walked in.

“What’s going on between you and Jayson?” Donnie stared at me.

“Nothing that concerns you.” I packed my little black dress leaving the red strapless mini dress for tonight.”

“I can’t believe you are going out with him. He’s a womanizer. I forbid you to go.”

My eyes didn’t leave Donnie’s. Did he really think I was going to listen to him? He wasn’t my father. I was over eighteen and free to make my own choices. “You, forbid me?” I started laughing.

“Yes, I’m not going to let some player have his way with you.” He was adamant that he was going to get his way. No one told me what to do.

“For your information, I’m a big girl now. No man will tell me what to do.” I started making my way off the bus.

Donnie had different ideas. He got in front of me and blocked my way. I attempted to push him out of the way, but he was too strong. “I’m not letting you leave until you cancel your date with Jayson.”

“MOVE OUT OF MY WAY!!” I screamed and nudged him out of the way. He grabbed my dress. I pulled it away from him. He heaved it back toward him and that’s when I heard it rip. “You ruined my favorite dress. Thanks a lot. It cost me almost two hundred bucks. Donnie, you’re such an ass.”

The look of remorse filled his face. “I’m sorry Mar. I didn’t mean it. I’ll replace it, I promise.”

“There’s no need. Just leave me alone.” Donnie scooted over so I could make my way off the bus.

I started to make the trek to my bus only to be stopped by Jon. I was in no mood to talk to anyone. I just wanted to be alone.

“What did he do now?” Jon asked with a smirk.

“Why do you assume he did anything? I could be pissed at Danny for all you know.” I huffed. He grabbed my suitcase and we continued walking.

“Because Donnie is the only person who has pissed you off at least a million times since this tour started.” He laughed.

“Don’t be so dramatic, Jon. It’s not funny.” We stopped when we got to the bus.

“You know he’s only acting that way because he’s jealous.”

“I highly doubt that. I’m still the little girl in pigtails. He’s never going to see me for the woman I am.”

“Marley, he does see you that way. He did when you first started dancing with us.” Jon was trying to make me feel better, but it wasn’t working.

“He liked Grace, not me. I’m always going to be just a friend.”

“Donnie’s a stubborn man. It takes him a long time to see things the way they are, not the way he thinks they should be.” Jon explained.

“Well, I’m not going to wait forever. I have a date tonight, and I’m going to enjoy myself whether Donnie Wahlberg likes it or not.”

“Tonight’s after party is going to be fun.” He laughed. I’m glad he found it so funny.

“Good-bye Jon. See ya on the stage.” With that I jumped on the bus.

Big Girl Now

Chapter 10

Donnie’s Point View

 I was not in the mood to party tonight. No, I wasn’t sick. I just didn’t want to watch Jayson all over Marley. She deserved better than him. I sat at the bar watching everyone else. Marley and Jayson hadn’t arrived yet.

I turned toward the bar tender. “A Jameson and soda, please.”

As I waited for my drink, Marley arrived hand in hand with Jayson. I was surprised at what she was wearing. She had on dark jeans and a dark purple halter top with a shrug over top. Considering what she had planned to wear earlier she was covered up. Still she was gorgeous. I couldn’t stop staring.

Immediately they hit the dance floor. I took my drink and found a table in a dark corner. That way I could watch unnoticed. I was captivated by the way her body moved. She was beyond sexy.

What was I thinking? I shouldn’t be having these thoughts about her. I had known her for so long. Marley was a nice girl, but it wouldn’t work out between us. It was hard to see past the image in my head. I still remember giving Marley her first kiss at fourteen. It was an innocent kiss, but it left me reeling. I never did get it out of my system all these years.

“So, now you’re into stalking?” Joe said as him and Jon sat down.

“I’m not stalking. I just wanted some time alone.” I commented dryly. I wasn’t going to admit that I couldn’t take my eyes off her.

“You haven’t looked away from Mar since she walked in the room. I thought you only wanted to be friends. What gives?”  Jon gave me the big brother look. I knew I was in for a lecture before the night was over.

“We’re just friends. I made it perfectly clear to her last night.” I sighed. There was no way I could change my mind. I didn’t want to play games with Marley.

“It’s obvious to everyone that you want to be more than friends.” Joe pointed out.

“You need to get over the fact that Marley’s is all grown up. She’s not the teenager you left behind in Boston. She’s a woman.”

“You don’t understand.” I wasn’t sure I understood it myself.

“What’s there to understand except that you are a stubborn chicken shit when it comes to Marley?  She’s not going to wait around forever.”

“Yeah, I see she’s already moved on to Jayson,” I swallowed the last bit of my drink and slumped in my chair.

“Are you out of your ever loving mind? She only accepted this date to make you jealous. That’s why she was going to wear that sexy red dress tonight.” Jon looked at me like I had three heads. Was I really this dense when it came to Marley?

“Donnie, go talk to her. Tell her how you feel.” Joe encouraged me. I got off my ass and walked over to the bar where she was standing.

Why was I nervous all of a sudden? Women never hand me tongued tied with sweaty palms, but here I was with both.

“Can I buy you a drink?” I whispered in her ear.

“I guess. I mean if it’s okay for me to drink. I am over twenty-one.” She gave me a pointed look.

“Mar, I want to apologize to you. I’m sorry for the way I’ve been acting.”

“It’s fine. I get that you only see me as a friend. It’s cool.” She leaned against the bar.

Instead of telling her, I was going to show her that I wanted to be more than friends with her.  I closed the space between us. My hands moved to her hips. I saw her lick her lips. It was sexy. Before she could stop me, I placed my lips on hers. Marley deepened the kissing, sliding her tongue in my mouth. She wrapped her hands around my neck. We forgot where we were for a few minutes until I pulled back.

“Mar, I’m sorry I’ve been a jackass lately. I realize that you aren’t a teenager anymore. You’ve grown up, and I really like that.” I smiled at her.

“Donnie are you playing games with me just to get me in your bed? You run hot and cold. I don’t know what to believe.” She pushed me away slightly.

“So, I was stupid. Can’t a guy make a mistake?” I tried to lighten the mood.

“I guess so.” She grabbed my drink and chugged it. “It makes it hard for me to trust you. I’ve already fallen for you, but I can’t keep letting you play with my heart.”

“I’m trying not to hurt you. I’ve never been in a situation like this.”

“I find it funny that Mr. Cool doesn’t know how to handle a woman. You must be losing your touch.” She said with a grin.

“That’s so not funny.” I grabbed her hand, so she wouldn’t leave. “There’s something I need to tell you and it might change your mind.”

I was going to tell her the truth. She deserved to hear it. There was no going back after this. I hoped she would realize how much I did care for her.

“Oh really? Do tell.”

“Let’s go somewhere less noisy.” I led her outside the club. There was a bench on the street. We both sat down.

“So what is it you wanted to tell me?” She raised an eyebrow.

“Do you remember your first kiss?” I asked softly.

“Yes.”

“Mar, that kiss changed me. Sure, it was simple, but it left me feeling complete. It’s part of the reason I’ve never committed myself to one woman. I never felt what I did with you, with any other woman. It just took me all these years to finally realize what I was missing.” I spoke from my heart. The look on Marley face was shock. I wasn’t sure if she believed me.

“What are you trying to say?” She hesitated.

“I want to be with you.”

“Donnie, I like you. I’m attracted to you. Hell, I’ve had a crush on you since I was eleven.” She started to laugh. “I think we need to take things slow. Maybe start off by dating.”

“I think that sounds like a perfect idea.” I was content with taking things slowly. I wanted it to work out with Marley.

Big Girl Now

Chapter 11

Marley’s Point of View

Taking things slow with Donnie was not an option. What was I thinking? Neither of us could keep our hands off each other. We had so much sexual chemistry that we’d find any private spot on tour to get it on. Now that the tour was over Donnie was concentrating on Blue Bloods.

Dancing was my passion. With Donnie’s help I was going to open my own studio. The building I was currently renting was being remodeled into the studio of my dreams.

I sat in the café waiting for Donnie to arrive. We met daily for lunch. I enjoyed spending time with him. He was a great guy, and I enjoyed dating him. Sure we weren’t exclusive, but I didn’t care. Neither of us was dating anyone else.

“Hello beautiful!” He placed a kiss on cheek before he sat down.

“Well, hello there Mr. Sexy. How are you today?” I sipped my water.

“I’m great now that I’m here with you.”  

“You’re so charming.” I smiled at him. Whenever I was with him I always had a big smile on my face.

The waitress came over and took our order. She was gone quickly since we ordered the same thing every day.

“Mar, I need to talk to you.” Donnie said seriously.

I held my breath for a moment before I started to speak. “Okay. You know you can talk to me about anything.”

“These past few months have been really great. I’ve enjoyed spending time with you.”

He was dumping me. Sure, I wasn’t his girlfriend, but he didn’t want to date me anymore. I’m sure he had found someone else. I was going to spare him the words and just break it off myself. “It’s okay Donnie. I get it. You don’t want to go out with me anymore. It’s been fun while it’s lasted. I’ll be sure to pay you back everything you put into the studio.” I grabbed my purse. “It’s been nice knowing you. Take care.”

“Wait, Mar.”

I started leaving the café. Donnie threw a twenty on the table and followed me. It’s a good thing I had long legs and could walk fast. He was having a hard time keeping up with me.

“Marley Grace Sutton, Stop! You didn’t let me finish.” He called out.

Thank goodness we were in New York City because no one even glanced at us. I stopped and wait for him to catch up to me.

“I wish you would stop jumping to conclusions. I’m not breaking up with you. Marley, I’m in love with you. You’re everything I’ve always wanted in a woman. You’re smart, caring, fun, sexy, beautiful, and the list could go on and on.”

Donnie was in love with me. It was music to my ears. My girlhood dream was becoming a reality. I don’t think anything could make me happier.

“Donnie are you for real?” I squeaked out.

“Marley, I love you. I want you to be my girlfriend.”

I grabbed a hold of his face and kissed in the middle of the street. I didn’t care who was watching. I was the happiest woman in the world. Donnie started easing his tongue in my mouth. I quickly broke the kiss off. We were in the middle of the street. His tongue in my mouth could lead to certain things the public should never see. “Of course I’ll be your girlfriend.”

“Great. I wouldn’t have it any other way. Someday I’m going to make you my wife.” He wrapped his arm around my shoulder.

“I love you, Donnie. Let’s take it slow. I’m happy being your girlfriend. Someday I’m going to happier when I become your wife. I just want to enjoy this.”

“You do know that being my girlfriend means you have to move in with me.” We strolled down the street.

“Are you really ready to have me move in? It’s going to be different than sharing a bus on tour.”

“You don’t have a choice. Your stuff is being moved to my apartment as we speak.” He chuckled.

“Oh no, I’m scared. Who’s moving my stuff? I don’t want anyone seeing my unmentionables.” I pressed a kiss to his face.

“Well Joe, Danny, and Jon are my movers. Don’t worry none of them have seen your unmentionables, and they never will. I packed them up before they got there.”

“You think of everything.”

“I do, don’t I.” He laughed. I gave him a playful shove. “Well tonight I promised the guys beer and pizza. Tomorrow is going to be just about us. I’m going to make love to you for twenty four hours. We’re going to rechristen every room in our apartment.”

“I can’t wait. You’ve made me the happiest girl in the world. All my dreams are finally coming true.”

“Good. Now it’s time to make our dreams come true. This time it’s about me and you. You’re going to be in my life forever. We’re going to get married and have at least ten kids.” I could see a hint of mischief in his eyes, as we walked down the street.

“Ten kids.” I stared at him. “You better learn how to have babies because I’m not having ten kids.”

“How about eight?”

“How about one kid and a dog?” I countered.

“How about seven and a dog?” He replied with a laugh.

I stopped and gave him a sweet kiss on the mouth. “How about we take our time and have one baby first. Then we can see about having a football team.”

“I think that sounds wonderful. I’ll be happy whether we have one bundle of joy or ten.”

“Like I said Donald, I’m not having ten children.” He chuckled at my comment.

We reached his apartment building. I saw the guys carrying all my stuff. They didn’t notice us, so we continued to watch them work hard for a while.

“I guess we better head inside. They don’t know where to put anything. Plus, Joe might go searching for your unmentionables.”

“He better not!” I pulled Donnie inside.

Today was the happiest day of my life. All the things I had dreamed of were coming true. I was thankful for the last four months. Things were perfect, and I knew they would only get better.

10 Years Later

Marley’s Point of View

“Brandon time for dinner.” Donnie yelled to the backyard for our oldest son.

“Daddy, mommy said to stop shouting. You’re going to wake up little Maria.” Sinead whispered.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to.” Donnie smiled at his oldest daughter.

“Sorry dad. I was busy looking for worms. Can we go fishing tomorrow?” Brandon asked when he walked through the door.

“I think that can be arranged.”

“What is that?” I asked, carrying in Maria while the little ones followed behind me.

“Brandon wants to go fishing.” Donnie said as he put Donovan and Deirdre in their booster seats.

“Oh that sounds like fun.” I placed Maria in her high chair.

It was a typical dinner at the Wahlberg house; lots of talking and laughter. Everything was just the way I wanted it.

 Donnie and I have been married for the last ten years. It all happened rather fast. About a month after we became a couple we took a trip to Vegas and decided to bite the bullet and get hitched. Nine months later Brandon popped out. We stayed in New York, but moved out of the city.

So here we were ten years later with a gaggle of children. Brandon was nine and a bookworm. He loves anything to with animals. Next in line was Sinead. She was seven going on thirty. She was a second mom to her younger siblings. Then Donnie and I had a set of adorable twins. Donovan and Deidre were three. They we always getting into trouble. Like today they decided to finger paint on the wall.  Maria was our baby. She was nine months old. Donnie said she was going to be a singer or an actress because she was always babbling.

Donnie was in semi-retirement. After a long run on Blue Bloods and touring with New Kids On The Block, he wanted to settle down and spend time with his family. I enjoyed spending every day with him.

I was a stay at home mom, that spent a lot of time volunteering at my children’s school. It was the best life. I enjoyed being with my hubby and kids. The rest of the world didn’t matter.

“Earth to Mar.” I looked up at Donnie. “Is everything okay?”

“Everything perfect.” I rubbed my stomach as I answered my husband. Donnie gave me a funny look.

“Mar, you want to help me in the kitchen?” I stood up and followed him.

“Yes, Donnie. What do you need help with?”

He moved closer to me and placed a kiss on my lips. It never got old. He could kiss me and kiss me, I wouldn’t care.

“I think we should save this for later and get back to the kids.”

“Are you pregnant?” He looked into my eyes.

“Yes, the doctor called today and confirmed it. We’re going to be parents again in seven months.

“Oh baby, I’m so excited. I love you.” He picked me up and twirled me around. Donnie and I had a healthy and active sex life. Damn we were getting too old to do this. I was forty four years old and still having babies. “I love you and this is going to be the last one. You pretty much got your own sports team now.” I teased him.

“I promise no more babies after this. Thank you for being a wonderful mother and wife. I’m so glad I got you back in my life.”

“Donnie, back in the day when I was young, I knew I was going to be the one for you. You just had to see that I wasn’t that little girl.”

“I’m glad you grew up and became a big girl. All that big girl fun with you has made my life complete.”

I could feel the tears of joy threatening to fall. “Let’s go eat dinner before I become a blubbering idiot.”

We walked in the dining room hand in hand. I smiled watching my kids. I loved my family and my life. It couldn’t get any better than this.