Tryin' to build a bridge across my hearts divide
Caught between two opposite signs
I want it all and I can't decide
If I should leave you here or stay with you a while

I knew I had to decide. I couldn’t leave them both hanging on to the hope they both had. I knew I was an idiot. I knew I had both girls eating out of the palm of my hand, both thinking they would be the next (or first) Mrs. Carter. I loved the attention. I loved having both at my beck and call. But this couldn’t go on. I had to make a decision and I had to make one fast. I had to build a bridge between the two parts on my heart; the one that had Sarah and the one that had Kaylee.

Sarah had always been there for me, my best friend. Of course no one understood our relationship. I lost numerous girlfriends who could never understand the connection we had.Because of this I treated Sarah like crap, always pushing her to one side with each new girlfriend and coming back with my tail between my legs when the relationship failed. That was until I met Kaylee. Ironically enough, Sarah introduced us. Sarah and Kaylee had met online and become fast friends. Kaylee had no idea that Sarah`s best friend was an internationally famous popstar. They met for the first time at one of my shows and Sarah surprised Kaylee by bringing her back to meet the guys. I was hooked from the first glace, the first hello. You know how they say that love makes you weak in the knees? Well this was the earth shaking, weak at the knees kind of feeling. Kaylee and I became inseparable that day.

Standin' all alone by the river side
Runnin' out of reasons I can justify
What kind of man am I?
Who can tell a lie and look you in the eye? Yeah

That all changed one cold, stormy winter’s night. Sarah had called. She had somehow managed to get her car stuck in a snow bank on her way home and needed saving. I managed to reach her but there was no way we were getting back to her place. We ended up renting a room at a nearby hotel to hold up until the snow held up. It was that night everything changed. After a few vodka and tonics, one thing led to another and we woke up entangled the next morning. We both dressed quickly and I took her home. Neither of us spoke a word about the night before.

Not much to say, no alibi
For my selfish fear and foolish pride

From that point on things were never the same. Sarah stopped coming around as much and things with Kaylee became more serious. I was even considering marriage for the first time in my life. But something was stopping me from proposing. Somewhere, something in the back of my mind kept bringing me back to that night. That was the night I realized my feelings for Sarah. I loved her. I think I always had but something was keeping me from realizing it. It wasn’t until confronting Sarah that I discovered she had been hiding her feelings for years. She had always hoped that one day we’d be together, that one day I’d realize what I wanted was right in front of me. This left me more confused than ever. I wanted both. I was told I had to choose. It was either Sarah or Kaylee. I could not have both.

*~*~*~*~*~*

My wedding day was supposed to be the happiest day of my life right? But I couldn’t shake the feeling I was having. I had sent her flowers. I know that was like adding salt to the wound, but I had to. I had to let her know that I would always love her but I had to move on. I knew Sarah would understand.

I love you, I love her,
I need you, I need her
I'm always gonna love you,
I'm always gonna love her
I guess I should just let this thing die
'Cause I am a man of two minds

** Man of Two Minds – The Trews