Here’s a shocker…it was all Nick’s idea.

I bet you never would have guessed that, huh? And once the idea was thrown out on the table, it became a challenge that they just could not turn away from. Who says a group of elderly men can’t still sing and dance? Sure, it might be a little more difficult, now, since AJ is about as blind as a bat and Kevin needs a new hip…but they certainly wouldn’t allow anyone to tell them that they couldn’t get back in the business. Then again, if you ask them…they’ve just been taking a break and they never actually even left the business at all. Trust me, they get very heated over this and you’re better off to just avoid the subject, all together, if you can. Personally, I say that 32 years is an awful long break…but I digress.

I suppose the best place to start…is at the beginning…in a little family owned and operated nursing home called Comfort Care….

It all began on a Tuesday …or a Thursday…or a Sunday…depending on which one of the Boys you’re talking to and whether or not they have had their medication yet for the day…but that’s not really all that important. Whatever day it was…it was overcast and cool…then again Nick swears it was sunny and 80…then AJ…alright…let’s just forget trying to nail down the minor details.

With stomachs full of chopped turkey, mashed potatoes, carrots overcooked into mush and prune pudding, the five elderly men sat playing a game of cards. For the most part, their conversations were random and they often switched gears without any real point but, honestly, that was far from abnormal. No subject was really talked about for any longer than a few minutes, however this would soon change.

“Have you heard the crap these kids play on the radio now?” Kevin Richardson’s voice had become deeper with age and had also developed a slight shakiness over the years but it never lost that tone of authority. “I just don’t see how they can even call it music.”

“It’s garbage. That’s what it is.” Brian’s head popped up quick enough to make the sad looking toupee flip backwards, exposing his completely bald head. Adjusting his oxygen which he used often and always kept handy, then his toupee, he continued, “there is absolutely no musical talent in it anymore. It’s sad really.”

“This may come as a shock…but I agree.” AJ piped up. “I can’t even listen to this new stuff and…I have listened to a lot of…uh…stuff…” A thick, no doubt expensive, Cuban cigar hung from his lips as he squinted to see his cards, his much needed glasses lying forgotten on the table. He really did despise the thought of being old and did his best to avoid things that reminded him of his age…like those glasses.

“Huh?” Looking around at the others, Nick cupped a hand over his ear, having completely missed the conversation. This didn’t come as much of a surprise to anyone, though, and the other men just rolled their eyes.

“Turn your hearing aid on, Frack!” Leaning over, Brian was yelling straight into his best friend’s ear, not that it did much good. “And put on your glasses AJ. You’re as blind as a dead raccoon on a winter day.”

“That don’t even make sense, Brian.” Howie shook his head laying down his hand that would have likely been the winning hand if they were playing poker, rather than go fish. But truthefully speaking, none of the men’s memories were very good anymore and they were often all on totally different wave lengths.

“At least we had taste…and talent…when we sang. We never sang anything as bad as what they sing now.” Kevin leaned back, tilting his head as he watched the other men. It was a good day for Kevin, his Alzheimer’s wasn’t acting up too bad, so he was actually able to keep up with the conversation, instead of being off in his own world.

“What? What did you say?” Nick waved a hand then threw a card down on the table with a cheesy grin. “Uno suckas!”

“I thought we were playing Old Maid?” Brian wrinkled his brows, confused as he reached over, finally just flipping on Nick’s hearing aid himself, since obviously Nick wasn’t ever going to do it. “And we were talking about today’s crappy music, Nick. Geesh.”

“Hey. We still have talent! It’s not like we are washed up has beens or anything. We just needed a break from the business…to have some time to breathe…and relax.” If you asked AJ, the group could still sell out entire arenas within minutes and set world records in album sales. In their own ways, all five of the guys were still stuck in the past, unwilling to admit that they should probably be working on a bucket list. But AJ…AJ was convinced he was just as much of a sexy stud as he was in his 20’s. Hitting on women and using ancient pick-up lines was something he was known for in the nursing home and he even threw out a hip last month while attempting his old favorite…the pelvic thrust.

“Exactly! Retired my ass!” Nick was really getting into the idea now. “It would be great to get back out on the road…show these young punks what real music sounds like.”

“Think they got any more of that prune pudding? I’ve been a bit irregular lately.” Howie looked up, shifting in his seat as his mind began to wander off the topic. “Maybe that nice new cook will put a dab of whipped cream on top, for me?”

“That’s nasty, D.” AJ crinkled his nose, giving Howie the strangest of looks as he pretended to gag. “…and way more than I needed to know about your shit.”

“We could always bust outta here.” The cobwebs in Nick’s head were busting loose as his brain began to run wild, devising a plan that may go down in Backstreet history as the craziest plan…EVER. “Yeah…yeah…we could get back in the studio…put out another album…and go on tour again!”

“Someone should put good music back on the radio…”

“…and who better to do it…than us?!” Brian finished Kevin’s thought. Surely there would be some resistance out there, but they could do this. It’s not like they were…old…or anything. The saying goes “mind over matter” but the Backstreet Boys would reword that to “mind over body”. In their minds, this was a simple concept…get out there and make some good music…it was something they had done countless times…no amount of aches and pains or false teeth would stand in their way now.

“Let’s do this!” Howie stood up, as if he was going to just walk straight out of the nursing home with no questions asked. “It’s gonna be great!”

“Grandpa D!” The five men looked in the direction of the voice to spot Ella. “You better sit right back down in that motor scooter before mama sees you.” Ella was the daughter of Lillian…who was the wife of James…who was the son of Howie. You see…this family owned nursing home wasn’t owned by just any family.

“That’s right…you tell him, Miss Ella.” With a wiggle of his brows, AJ gave her his very best ‘sexy’ grin and squashed out his cigar as she made Howie sit down.

“It’s bed time gentlemen. And that means you too, Mr. Hot Lips.” She gave AJ a look, quite used to his antics, as she grabbed the handles of Kevin’s wheel chair and began pulling him away from the table. “You may continue your game after breakfast, in the morning.”

“Don’t you be hittin’ on my grand baby, you old coot!” Howie was now staring AJ down like a hawk and pointing his finger right into the other man’s face. Now it should go without saying that this wasn’t going to end with a handshake and invitation for tea.

“Oh brother. Here we go.” Kevin let out a deep sigh and shook his head, realizing that some things never change.

“Don’t point that arthritic finger at me, you old geezer! You know damn well I can still take your ass down!” Lifting his cane and poking Howie’s shoulder with it, AJ did nothing but make the situation worse…like that’s a surprise.

“I’m not an old geezer and even if I were...it’d be better than...walkin around lookin like the ghetto chewed me up and spit me out. Just look at them wrinkled up tattoos!” Plucking a streamer from one of his handles, he started shaking it in AJ’s face as if it would cause some sort of damage.

“Altight…that’s enough…” Ella sighed as she was completely ignored, the pointless argument continuing on between the men.

“Quit shakin your pom pom at me…I’m not Ricky Martin, ya jack ass.”

“Jack a…why I aughta…”

“ENOUGH!” Stepping between the men, Ella pointed her finger down the hallway that led to their rooms. “It’s bed time. If you two remember what you were fighting about when you wake up in the morning, you can continue it then.”

Now, if you ever thought seeing five elderly men head down a hallway, to bed, was nothing special…you obviously are not too familiar with THESE five men.

Nick’s cane was studded with precious gems in the Bucs team colors and was completed with a small Bucs flag waving on the top, while AJ’s cane was a bright shade of pink. Not only was it a bright pink but it was covered in black rhinestone skulls and had a rearview mirror.

Then there was Brian’s wheel chair…fully decked out with spinner rims that Nick had gotten for him, fuzzy dice on the handles and battery operated turn signals. As if that wasn’t enough, it was all brought together with a ‘honk if you love Jesus’ bumper sticker on the back of his seat.

Howie’s motor scooter…aside from the security system and anti-lock brakes, which he insisted upon….had an elaborate paint job of purple flames and silver winking smiley faces. Maybe that wouldn’t be so bad, but the man also had a wicker basket and streamers on it.

Out of all the guys, Kevin’s walker was the most subtle…if you don’t count the custom horn the others had mounted, to the front, a few Christmases ago. Every time he pressed the horn...everyone within a half mile could hear the opening notes of “Larger than life”. And he never failed to honk at least a dozen times a day.

They all went to bed cooperatively that night, with the exception of a couple last minute glares. The seed had been planted in their brains and this would only mark the beginning of the Backstreet’s great escape.

It was a normal morning at the nursing home…starting for most residents at the butt crack of dawn when Kevin set off his Larger Than Life horn. The next hour was filled with elderly people trying to put on their socks at the neck breaking speed of snails. Once everyone was up and ready for the day, the main hallway became like a runway with Kevin in the middle, directing traffic with glow sticks. The man had about a million years’ worth of glow sticks in assorted colors which all had a purpose…for example, he says the green glow sticks are to direct those wanting to spend their morning out on the deck and the pink for those who were in need of a depends change. Granted Kevin was the only one who really even kept track of what the hell each color meant but don’t worry…he never hesitated to remind those who had forgotten.

Once the five men finally met up for breakfast...and they finished bitching about how unsatisfactory the lumpy consistency of their oatmeal was…their conversations, shockingly, returned to that of the previous night.

“So when are we gonna bust outta here?” Nickolas actually remembered to not only put his hearing aids in that morning, but to turn them on as well. Surely it was greatly to do with the anticipation of an escape. Ever since his son and granddaughter moved him in, he had been looking for a way out. However, not to anyone’s surprise, he had been unsuccessful at every attempt…but it did make for a fun betting game in the nurse’s break room where they placed wagers upon when his next attempt would take place.

“There’s no time like the present. Right? How are we going to do it though?” Howie sipped on his hot tea, looking back and forth between the others.

“Don’t we need to figure out what we’re going to do…once we’re out?” Raising a brow, Brian tilted his head and reached over to pull out a small notebook from Howie’s wicker basket.

“We can hash out the details once we get out. One step at a time, bro.” AJ rolled his eyes behind his designer prescription shades and set both of his hands on top of his cane, leaning back in his seat. In his mind…his own personal world, he was like the mob boss of the nursing home and he practically ran the place.

“Wait where did Mason go? He was right here a minute ago.” With a concerned look, Kevin got up and started to look around for his oldest son.

“I’ll check the kitchen.” Reversing from the table, Howie exchanged a look with the others.

“I will look outside.” Nick got up, as did AJ. They all knew Mason was most likely at work, given the hour and all, but they also understood that Kevin was in a different time frame, at the moment. So, they all started to ‘look’ for Mason. It was impossible to make Kevin understand that Mason was grown, so for years, the other four men had just played along whenever he needed them to.

“He couldn’t have gone far.” The worry in his voice was growing stronger as he made his way down the hall, opening and closing doors. He only stopped when he heard AJ’s voice shouting.

“We found him! Kristen took him outside to play.” Setting his hand on Kevin’s back, AJ gave him a warm smile. “He is just fine, man. No worries.”

“Oh thank goodness.” The smile was returned and the men all convened back at the table. “So…where were we? Poker right?”

“Dude, that must be so cool.” Nick started to grin widely. “I can’t wait for my ride on that train.”

“Dare I ask what you are talking about, Carter?”

“Think about it Howie. Alzheimer’s is almost like…your own personal time machine!”

“It’s official…the blonde one has completely lost it…gone mad…out to lunch…off his rocker…Nickolas has left the building, mentally speaking.”

“Shut up AJ…I’m serious! Granted he was worried…but he just went back to when Mason was little and we know he loved those years. Wouldn’t it be awesome to relive…loosing your virginity?!?”

“Of all the moments in life, to relive…Nick talks about THAT one. Go figure.”

“I’m sorry if it isn’t religiously correct, Bri…but I miss sex damn it!”

“So do I. But my problem doesn’t come from a lack of ability but rather a lack of willing women. This place is a sexual waste land. Where are all the honeys? The flocking fans? The obsessed groupies? Man do we need this new tour!” AJ let out a frustrated groan as he leaned back in his chair.

“You two need Jesus. Thant’s all I’m sayin’.” Brian couldn’t help but shake his head at the other two. He didn’t understand why they always had put so much emphasis on sex anyways. It wasn’t all there was to life…or even to a relationship. Yes, ok, he and Leighanne had an amazing intimate life but it was far from being the foundation of their love…of their deep friendship…of their marriage.

“Is Jesus gonna help me get laid? Cuz it’s been…uh…”

“You know it’s been entirely too damn long when you have to use your fingers to count how many years it’s been since your dick got wet, Nick. It’s been nearly 2 years for me. That’s unheard of!”

“Shit…are you serious?!?” Howie nearly choked on his drink as he looked at AJ with wide eyes. “It hasn’t even been that long for me! It was only about 9 months ago that I got a little somethin’ somethin’.”

“How the hell did you manage that? Where was I? Why didn’t you hook a brotha up?!” AJ returned the look of complete shock. “That’s not even right, D. But still…give us details. Was it good? Kinky? Rough? Fast? Slow?”

“This conversation is highly inappropriate and I would appreciate a change of topic.”

“Shut up Brian!” AJ and Nick chimed in unison and they each waved a hand in Brian’s direction.

“Oh it was hot. She was hot.” Howie smirked, getting a kick out of how intent the other two men were listening. Usually he didn’t get this kind of reaction from them when it came to ‘locker room talk’. In years past, it was always Nick and AJ with the wild sex stories, not him.

“I bet she was blonde.” With a simple nod of the head and a nonchalant tone to his voice, Kevin randomly popped into the conversation. “Howie always liked the blonde ones.”

“As a matter of fact…she was. And…best of all…she was only 53.” Jaws around the table dropped since that meant she was about 30 years younger than him. He wiggled his brows and soaked up the attention he was getting…man it felt good. “Oh…and flexible to boot, too.”

“How the fuck did HE score that shit?!” AJ pointed a thumb in Howie’s direction as he looked at Nick for an answer. He only received a shrug of the shoulders, though.

“Beats the hell out of me. I’m supposed to be the cute one…remember?”

“So the fuck what?! I’m the sexy bad boy!”

“But…I…am the latin lover…and she needed a little spice in her life…if you catch what I’m sayin.”

“Then tell her to put some damn hot sauce on her eggs! I’ll buy her a whole fuckin case of it! I will even settle…for a damn blow job! Shit!”

“All this sex talk is making me…horny.”

“They have toys for that Nick.” All eyes were suddenly on Kevin, everyone just looking at him funny. Kevin wasn’t exactly a stranger to sex talks but suggesting toys?! “What? A man has got to do…what a man has got to do. Get a little KY…find a toy that’s gonna work best for you…and go to town.”

“Oh…my…god. Maybe we SHOULD change the topic of discussion. I suddenly side with Brian.” The table went silent for a moment as all eyes now shifted to AJ. “Yeah…I’m agreeing with Brian. Miracles DO happen and there IS a first time for everything. You know what…shut up. Screw y’all.”

“Mhm. What did I just tell ya? Ya need Jesus. If you just read the Bibles I got you each for Christmas…”

“See…here’s the thing Bri…well…I had a really bad craving for s’mores last week…and…”

“Oh snap! Nick turned your gift into a bon fire, Bri. Isn’t that like…sacrilegious or something. Don’t you go to hell for that shit? Or is it…that one place that’s like between heaven and hell?”

“You mean purgatory J? Is that place even real? I’m not really going to hell am I?” Nick’s eyes were about as big as baseballs now, looking between each of the guys and waiting for an answer.

“I think purgatory is just a Catholic thing. Or am I wrong? Howie? Brian?” Now that the subject was brought up, AJ was quite curious as to how, exactly, Nick would get punished for his actions. Even AJ knew better than to burn a Bible for a silly purpose like roasting marshmallows. He didn’t really know if there was ANY reason that was good enough to make doing that acceptable, but he was positive s’mores wouldn’t qualify. But then again…it was just paper…so maybe it wasn’t as bad as he thought.

The others seemed to have varying opinions as well and they all spent the next hour debating the subject, off and on between other random subjects, that is. As a matter of fact, they never did get back to the discussing the idea of another tour, that day. They didn’t actually really return to that discussion until a few days later and it was completely by mistake. See…it all came back up because Brian had his head stuck…

...well…it was more like his entire upper body. Nick…the ever helpful one…was boosting him into the laundry chute in a very sad attempt of retrieving his toupee which had accidentally been tossed in the laundry, by one of the new nurses, along with the bed sheets. Now, it would seem very odd that this incident would remind the men of their previous talks to do another tour…however; it may come as no surprise to find out that a very similar incident had happened many years ago on a previous tour.

“Try to wiggle yourself loose Bri. I’m not sure I can hold you much longer.” Shifting a little, Nick tried to keep his balance. “Can you see it? Did you get it?”

“Just…a little more…” Brian stretched as much as he could, not really being able to move much. “…hey Nick? I’m getting some…uh…what do they call it? Dijon?”

“Mustard? Are you upchucking? That’s totally gross dude!” With a wrinkled nose, Nick turned his head away while still keeping a hold of Brian’s feet.

“No…no…that thing…what do they call it? When you feel like you’re reliving something that already happened before? Dijon right? Dejay?”

“Don’t you mean parlay?” Nick grunted, now trying to help get Brian out, rather than just holding him up for support.

“I thought parlay was a pirate thing?”

“What in sam hell…?!” Another voice broke into the mix, making both men freeze for a moment.

“Busteeeed! How come we always get caught Bri? Oh! Hey…maybe he can help. Howie…”

“Dear God have mercy…he’s stuck again, isn’t he?.” A deep sigh filled the hallway as Howie shook his head. “I’ll have someone call the fire department.”

“Did someone say…fire department?! No worries…I’m here.” Racing up to them, Kevin’s eyes lit up. “I’m a fire fighter! I can save the day! What’s wrong?”

“Can’t you see…Brian is…”

“There’s a cat stuck in a tree?! Little Timmy fell down the well?!”

“No Kevin…” Howie rubbed his forehead, starting to wonder if Nick was right about Alzheimer’s actually being a fun place. “…Nick got Brian stuck…

“Nick got Brian stuck in a tree?!”

“…in the laundry chute. Again. Right there. Can’t you see Brian’s legs? Maybe I should go get the nurse.” With one more look at the three men, Howie zoomed off down the hallway as fast as his power scooter could go. Once out of sight, Kevin grabbed one of Brian’s legs and started to tug.

“Never fear! Don’t you shed a tear. I will get you out of here!”

“Oh now this shit is amusing. What the fuck are you clowns doing?” AJ walked up, looking at them funny. Kevin was tugging on one leg with one hand as his other hand was unsuccessfully trying to maneuver his walker. And then there was Nick who tied Brain’s shoe laces around his cane and was trying to tug him out by pulling on it.

“We’re trying to get him unstuck. What does it look like, smart ass?!” Rubbernecking to glare at AJ, Nick kept tugging which only made Brian scream like a 12 year old school girl.

“I’d rather be a smart ass…than a dumb ass…which is what you bozos are, because you’re doing it wrong. Watch. And learn.” After leaning his cane against the wall, AJ stepped up between Brian’s legs, wrapping his arms around his thighs.

“This does not feel appropriate! If I feel my zipper come down, heads are gonna roll!”

“Shut up, Brian. No heads can roll unless we get your ass outta there.” With that said AJ positioned his heels against the wall and began to lean forward with all his weight. “Damn. Someone needs to butter you up like a lobster Bri.” Just a few moments later, the men crashed to the floor in a pile.

“Damn mother fucker, you landed on my bad knee!”

“I still didn’t get my hair!”

“It’s ok…no one worry…my cane is just fine. Although the Bucs flag may need some scotch tape.”

“Did we save the cat?”

“Oh…” Howie came to a stop, looking up at the nurse. “…I guess they got him free. And it looks like they are all alive, too…shocker.”

“Well…I think you gentlemen have had enough excitement for the day. How about we all go outside and sit in the flower garden?” Once all the men were turned right side back up, she helped them all outside into the warm yet overcast day. “There we go…nice and relaxing.”

“I just can’t believe you got stuck in a laundry chute again. Remember when that happened on…was it the Black and Blue tour?” Howie engaged his parking brake and leaned back in his seat, trying to recall the details.

“I think it may have been, but I can’t really remember. Whenever it was…I think it hurt more this time than it did last time.” Making a face, Brian rubbed his side. “Wait…that reminds me…weren’t we talking about going back on tour?”

“Yeah. We were.” Everyone, aside from Kevin who was playing ‘she loves me, she loves me not’ with a daisy, nodded as their minds returned to the idea. One could almost smell smoke in the air as the gears started turning again. “I really think we should do it.” Nick’s eyes sparkled with delight, hoping that they would all agree to go through with it.

“Hell to the fuck yeah, we should! You bet your ass I’m game!” Not even old age could tone down AJ’s colorful vocabulary, but all things considered…that’s part of what made AJ…AJ. He pulled out one of his cigars and looked around. “This place isn’t really all that bad but…nothing beats the open road…the screaming fans…the rush of being on stage.”

“We took a break, now it’s time to go back to work.” Go figure, Howie was more focused on the working aspect, rather than all the fun touring would involve. Most of their best memories happened on one tour or another.

“What kind a work?!” AJ challenged the others with a smirk and raised brow.

“HARD WORK!” Ok, maybe they needed to work on that a little. None of them were in sync, AJ nearly hacked up a lung after the first word and Kevin shouted…

“SHE LOVES ME!” …instead.

No matter how out of sync they were, the men still had that united love for music and they had faith that it would be enough to pull this off. So the planning began…without Kevin’s input.

“So first…we have to get out of here. The windows are a no go…they alarmed every one of them after Nick’s last escape attempt.”

“Forget the damn failed escape attempt, Brian. That was the time he let Skullzee get out. I’m still mad about that, shit head.” With a death glare aimed right at Nick, AJ crossed his arms. He didn’t talk to Nick for almost a week after losing his pet lizard.

“I’m sorry! I just thought I’d have better luck getting out of your window because of it being in the back of the building. I told you that I would get you a new lizard but you said no.”

“No other lizard could take Skullzee’s place.”

“Hey…are we doing this or are we gonna sit and argue over a lost lizard?” Howie questioned, pulling out the notepad from inside his wicker basket. “The windows are out. As is just walking out the front door. What other ideas can we come up with?”

“Could we…somehow get ourselves taken to the hospital? Maybe it would be easier to get out of there?”

“Hm. That might be an idea.” Jotting down Nick’s suggestion, Howie then looked back up at the others. “Does anyone else have an idea?”

“What if we get Joslin and Lillian to take us to a movie?” AJ grinned at the thought of the sisters who owned the nursing home. Lillian wasn’t the only one to marry a Backstreet son…Joslin was Baylee Littrell’s wife…and the two women were very dedicated to making sure all 5 of the men were well taken care of. “They like taking us out places. So…we go to movie…then one by one, we sneak out of the theater to use the bathroom…get a coke…whatever…”

“…they we make a break for it. Now there is a winning idea!” Quickly, Howie scribbled down the plan. “Any other input?”

“I say we give that a whirl and if it doesn’t work…we can brain storm some more. But I think AJ might be onto something.” Brian grinned, knowing his daughter in-law wouldn’t turn him down if he asked. “I’ll talk to Joslin tonight. Does anyone know what’s playing?”

“There is that new comedy out…you know…the one with Suri Cruise and…” Nick trailed off as Ella brought out a snack for them, smiling as she gave them each a small bowl of red jello and a kiss on the forehead. Once they thanked her, she turned and left them to their talk.

“Hey wait a minute…who put this in my jello?!?”