“Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday to Darren happy birthday to you” Everyone sang around the table. Nick was unable to attend since he was still on tour with NKTOBSB so it was just Rayna, and the kids. Her computer started to ring it was Nick ringing in for his weekly live chat.

“Dada!” Darren exclaimed as Rayna accepted the video chat.

“Hey there little buddy” Nick waved,” Sorry I am late honey I had an interview that ran over,” he said,” Did you already sing to him?”

“Yes we did I am sorry” Rayna said.

“It’s okay I am here now though.” The party had continued in front of the computer Darren was so excited to see Nick since the tour had started last May Nick wasn’t around much to see him after Nick’s solo album launched he did a little tour in Japan and then went right into a new tour with the guys and joined forces with New Kids On The Block. They went on tour with him for a little while and now they just Skype when they can. While Rayna let Nick talk to the kids she went into the living room and grabbed the presents off the couch and brought them into the kitchen and set them on the table. It was hard having him gone so long and even though Hunter and Olivia were almost six and five it was still difficult at times she had set up a little school room in the playroom for her to teach them their ABC’s and numbers to get them ready for school in the fall Hunter was going to kindergarten and Olivia was going to be in pre-school. In her spare time Rayna even started getting Madison used to it as well it was never too early to start.

“Present!” Darren yelled.

“What do you say?”

“Plessse” he said Rayna handed him a gift from Nick that he had bought when he was home last Rayna didn’t even know what it was Darren tore open that paper and Rayna was surprised to see that he had gotten him a remote control car.

“Don’t you think it’s a little young to be teaching him how to drive?” she chuckled.

“I thought it was cool and I thought since he is so into cars he would enjoy it something we do could together and Hunter could play with him too it’s a boy’s thing.” Rayna sighed,” What you don’t like it?”

“Nick dear this is for kids 7 and up this toy is too old for Darren, but brownie points for thinking ahead.” Nick sighed,” Honey you did a good job but even Hunter is too young for this gift but I am sure you will love driving it around,” Nick thought this was the perfect gift for him he even knew he was too young for him but he wanted something he could do with the boys he wasn’t just thinking of himself.

“I guess I got a little ahead of myself what did you get him?” Rayna handed Darren the next present and once more Darren tore into the paper like he was a kitty cat and it was a phone,” You got him a phone? How is that anything different from mine?”

“It’s a kid phone that just looks like an IPhone it has games and stuff.”

“He is one of he can’t play with a remote control car how can he possible know how to play games on a phone?”

“Nick I don’t want to fight right now please plus this is educational.”

“He is one Ray.”

“It’s never too early to start you were impressed with Maddy weren’t you?”

“Well yea of course.”

“Well I did this for her too.. you just weren’t here to see most of it”

“Hey stop throwing that in my face its not fair” it seemed like all they ever did was fight anymore he was beginning to think that they were headed down a dark and nasty path of destruction and he didn’t want that Rayna was his soul mate but he knew it was true he has been on the road for almost a year with just a few times in between that he was actually home for more than a twenty-four hour period just then his phone started beeping.

“I gotta go honey I am sorry I’ll call you later love you”

“Alright love you too” the kids waved good-bye at the computer screen and then Nick was gone.” Well kids how about some cake and ice cream?”

“Num nums!” Darren yelled Rayna dished all the kids out a little piece of cake and some ice cream Rayna sat down next to Darren and couldn’t help but wonder if Nick was hiding something he went awfully quickly from Skype and he wasn’t usually like that.

“Maybe its just all in my head probably more paranoid than anything,” she thought to herself even though her and Nick have been together for almost three years she was still terrified at times of everything just falling apart and being stuck back in the same position she was in with John she tried to hide it but it was always on her mind. She wondered if she would ever get over it.

“Did I scare you? You jumped.” Nick turned around in his chair

“I was just deep in thought I guess a lot on my mind.”

“Wanna talk about it?” Nick shrugged his shoulders,” Wasn’t today Darren’s first birthday?”

“Yea”
“But I take it that’s not what is bothering you is it?” Nick shook his head, “Woman problems?”

“Yea,” he mumbled.” I don’t know what has gotten into us lately we were fine last month before we came here to Australia and now that we decided to do this little last leg of the tour she just seemed pissed I guess. I told her I would help her out by getting her some extra help around the house but she didn’t want it.”

“Having four kids by herself is a big responsibly Nick you should understand that.” Nick interrupted Brian.

“I understand just fine Rok; I don’t understand why she doesn’t want any help”

“Too proud maybe? Maybe she doesn’t want to feel like someone else is raising her kids? I mean Hunter and Liv start school this year so that might help. It should get better by fall”

“Doubtful she is on this trip of Maddy and Darren needing to know every little thing before they hit pre-school I mean Darren just turned one today and she is already teaching him his ABC’s and Numbers why he can’t just be a little toddler. I understand Maddy since she will be old enough to go to pre-school soon but all she does is teach and she refuses to take a break it drives me crazy!” he explained. Brian sat down on the edge of the bed

“Look she just wants what is best for the kids I this world is only going to get tougher for our generations Nick. I don’t blame her by the time your kids are in high school who knows how they will be teaching them and what they will need to know. For all we know robots will be teaching them” Nick chuckled,” Why don’t you bring them out this week for the tour it might help for you to see them since you haven’t gotten to hug one of them in almost two months,”

“That won’t happen either it’s like she is terrified of flying or something. She also will not let mom watch them. Rok, I am telling you it’s insane!”

“You need to calm down dude I think we just need to hurry the tour up so you can take a vacation with your family”

“I agree we all need the break I am sure of it. I am just worried I guess”

“There is just a lot going on Nick. She just wants what is best for the kids and for you. I mean she moved all four kids, three dogs and a cat that you are completely allergic too half way across the United States by herself while we were on tour she is like some super woman or something. Just give her some slack, and don’t forget we will be having our 20 year reunion next year so there will be even more touring involved.” Nick sighed.

“I just feel frustrated not to mention she got after me about Darren’s gift. I know it was a little unconventional and it wasn’t exactly age appropriate but I wanted to play with him as well he could chase it while I drove it.”

“He is a toddler not a dog Nick”

“So you are taking her side?” Brian could tell Nick was starting to get angry with him.

“No, I am just stating the fact the toy probably wasn’t a good idea is all” Nick got up from his seat and grabbed his coat.

“I’ll be back I need to get some air”

“Don’t be too long we have a show soon Nick.”

“I know just let me be please” Nick walked out the door and down the hall and got into the elevator and walked down the street to the nearest pub he could find and walked in and sat down on a stool.,” Just a coke please” he knew if he would to order something heavier it might not stop and the other guys would literally kill him if he showed up drunk to a show. The bartender poured him a glass of coke and he started to think of everything possible that just wasn’t working. He couldn’t help but wonder if he made the right choices was he still in love with this woman after only just a couple of years of marriage, He was willing to deal with his faults but was Rayna going to be willing to deal with hers?

“Dad!” Hunter exclaimed “You’re home!” he said running over and giving his dad a hug.

“Will you be home for a while this time?” Olivia asked Nick walked over to Olivia and kissed her cheek.

“Yes a few weeks this time then off to London, but we don’t have to talk about that right now all the matters is that I am home and I missed you guys!” Nick walked over to Rayna and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek.

“I figured you would have slept in. You had a long flight”

“Not tired and plus I missed all of you. It’s been a long tour and it is about to get even longer.”

“I know” Rayna sighed how was she going to handle yet another tour and time away from the family? She felt like she was a single parent again. As much as she loved Nick it was hard going through this again like she did with John but the kids adored Nick and she was determined to make it work this time.

“I promise this time will be different Rayna.” Rayna raised one eye brow in curiosity,” I will tell you after the kids head to summer school that’s if mommy decides to let them play hooky” Hunter and Olivia looked at Rayna with puppy dog faces.

“Not today kids’ daddy needs some rest but how about tomorrow?”

“But mom it’s just summer school its boring” Hunter whined.

“Come on Ray its only one day and plus it’s just summer school how exciting can it possibly be?” All the kids including Nick was giving the puppy face now.” Rayna smiled.

“Alright so what do you want to do today?”

“Zoo!” Maddy exclaimed,” I want to see the animals!”

“I want to go to the lake. Dad you promised you would teach me how to fish this summer.” Hunter said.

“Ok, that sounds like a good idea why don’t you and your sister go and get dressed for a day at the lake and I will help your mother get these two little monsters cleaned up” Hunter and Olivia got up from the table and put their bowls into the sink and off they went to get dressed. Nick grabbed Darren and started to wipe him down with a wash cloth making him giggle uncontrollably, ”I think you got more on you than in you little dude,” Nick handed Darren off to Rayna,” Hey dear I have an idea I’d like to run by you” Rayna laughed.

“What is it this time?”

“Well, I was thinking since I am going to be home for a few weeks maybe we should go on a vacation or something. I know the kids are in summer school to keep them from getting too bored but what do you think?”

“What do you have in mind?” She said as she walked down the hall to Darren’s room to get him dressed.

“Disney world or something, we could rent a beach house along the coast we would be by my parents I think it would be good for the kids they could fish, play in the sand, play in the water. Hell we could do whatever we wanted really, and if we were to ever become bored we could go somewhere else. I just want to be able to enjoy my time with you and the kids before I have to go to London,”

“I like the sound of that idea best idea you have had yet.”

“Other than marrying me?” Rayna laughed.

“I would have married you regardless Mr. Carter I love you. But I think I have a little idea of my own. Why not call up the guys and see what they are doing. I know you guys just spent all that time together on tour but it wouldn't hurt to get all the families together either or maybe just an end of the summer barbecue or something in Florida if they can’t make it.”

“I will call but I am pretty sure they all have plans, but it’s a great idea. I guess I should get dressed I don’t think fishing in my pajamas is acceptable” Rayna giggled.

“I wouldn't mind it but I think the kids would well I will finish getting Maddy dressed and then I will start packing. I love you I am glad you are home Nick.”

“Love you too” Nick gave Rayna a kiss and walked out of Darren’s room and back down the hall to his room to get dressed. He walked into the closet and started getting dressed when his phone rang and without looking at who was calling he answered it, ”Hello?” he kind of panicked when he realized who was on the other end of the line,” We can’t talk. No! I told you not to call me that was never supposed to have happened. I am sorry but I have to go, and don’t call me again,” he hung up the phone as Rayna walked into the room.

“Who was on the phone?”

“Nobody important.”

“It sounded like it was kind of important too many wild and crazy after parties in Europe?” she joked as she was getting some clothes out of the closet.

“I don’t feel like talking about it” Nick hurried up and threw some clothes on and walked out of the room. Rayna couldn’t help but feel like Nick was hiding something pretty big from her.

“Well Darren is asleep I think we are finally alone” Nick said plopping down onto the couch next to Rayna.

“He usually takes he longest! Maybe you should not go to London and stay here” she joked.

“Or you could come with us?” Nick suggested. Rayna looked at Nick and sighed.

“Nick you know I don’t like traveling with the kids not after the disaster of them putting us on the wrong plane with four kids and then trying to figure out how the hell we got onto the wrong plane in the first place. Not going to happen Nick, and plus it will already be crowded with AJ, Brian, Howie and Kevin there adding me and four kids would make it unbearable.”

“I was only meaning for a few days.”

“I know Nick I will think about it but I can’t promise you anything.”

“Hell have mom watch them you know she’ll give any excuse to get away from Florida especially if it’s to see the kids”

“I know Nick but I don’t want to feel like such a burden” Nick took Rayna’s hand and looked straight into her eyes.

“You will never be a burden to anyone Ray you just have to quit believing that you are. I love you with everything that I am and my family adores you and the kids don’t ever feel like you are a burden to me or them because you’re not.” Nick kissed Rayna.

“I understand that Nick but it’s kind of hard to get over how she treated me in the past I know we have been married for almost two years now but it still hurts very much”

“How about we not talk about that anymore,” Nick smiled and winked.

“I know you just got home in all but I am too tired how about a rein check for tomorrow?”

“Alright, but if you tell me no I just might have to get you anyway,” he laughed, Rayna giggled.

“Psh!” she said making a hang gesture,” You can think that all you want Mr. Carter. Well I think I am going to hit the bed honey you coming?” she said getting up from the couch.

“Nah, I am not tired yet I think I will work on some stuff before we go to London.”

“Ok. Love you don’t stay up too late” Rayna leaned down and gave him a kiss.

“Love you too.” He watched Rayna walk down the hall and then into their bedroom. He couldn’t help but feel lonely. They haven’t seen or touched each other in almost three months and she just blows him off? It frustrated him he felt like she was just pushing him away. Nick got up from the couch turning the TV off in the process and walked down to his office and sat down in his chair he picked up a picture of them all together. He loved them all so much but why was Rayna pushing him away? Something was just off. Nick logged onto his computer and checked his email as he scrolled through them he came across a name he didn’t recognize so he decided to open it.

I miss you…why haven’t you been answering my emails? You said you would call me and you never did. I am worried that you didn’t mean all the stuff you said to me the other evening. You said you loved me. Please write me back. Xoxo

-Cassandra

“Who in the hell is Cassandra and how in the hell did she get this email address?” he thought to himself,” I must have done some pretty stupid shit that I can’t seem to remember.” He thought once more,” Whatever I have done this isn’t looking good.” He sat in his chair starring at his email reading email after email from Cassandra trying to figure out what exactly happened over there in Europe during the NKOTBSB Tour and then it started all coming back to him. It all started after Darren’s birthday party when Rayna was giving him such a hard time, but all he remembered was having a coke did someone drug him or did he actually have a drink? Everything was still quite fuzzy to him and such a blur but he knew Rayna could not find out.

“Hey what’s up?”

“You have time to talk? Its kind of important.”

“Yeah I got a few minutes Leigh and Bay went to the store for some grilling supplies. What did you manage to do?”

“Why do you always assume I have done something?” he questioned.

“Because its important if you just wanted to say “how’s it going” you would have texted me. Now what did you do?”

“Wellll” he stuttered a bit,” I have been getting these weird emails from this woman, and I have no idea how she got my email or anything like that”

“Maybe its just a fan? You know how they are like the secret service sometimes. It’s not like you cheated or anything,” Nick was silent, “Nick, did you? Answer me Nick,” Nick was still silent he didn’t know how to explain how it happened or why it happened,” When did you do it and just answer me this time.”

“When Ray and I were first having problems I guess maybe right after Leslie had died, and then we went back on tour and it just kind of got out of hand from there I guess.”

“Dude I can’t believe you. After all what she went through with her ex you of all people do this to her, and to the kids? I am disappointed in you man, I really don’t know what to say I can’t fix this”

“I am not asking for you to fix it I am asking for advice about the emails.”

“Aren’t they from the same girl?”

“No”

“How many women is there Nick?” Nick grew silent again which was making Brian frustrated and quite angry,” Well since you are not going to answer me I am going to take a wild guess its more than you can count on both your hands. My advice bro is to drop all the women you are in contact with even the current mistress or fuck buddy whatever you want to call her and focus on Rayna and the kids you have been married for almost two years now you aren't a bachelor anymore, and also for heaven’s sake change your damn email address and your phone number, I also suggest you don’t mention this to Rayna. I have to talk to you later Leigh is home.” Brian hung up the phone. He had never seen Brian so angry with him and he has done some pretty stupid stuff in the past. Maybe Brian just needed to cool down before he talked to him again, but Brian had a point he was unfaithful to her something he promised he would never do to her at the beginning of their relationship. Nick felt bad but he just couldn't come out and tell Rayna what would she do? Would she leave? Would she forgive him? He figured she wouldn't she always told him if he were to cheat she’d be gone in a heartbeat. It was best he just leave it a secret he did however decide to take Brian’s advice and get rid of everything completely change his email, and get a new phone and get rid of their phone numbers or anything like that so he wouldn’t be the least tempted if they weren’t in his phone.

“I can overcome this.” He thought,” Gosh I really fucked myself this time I can’t believe I have been doing this for so long without realizing what I was doing. If she would ever leave this would just completely devastate me.” Nick kept replaying all the events in his head when the cheating started how many women he slept with he didn't realize it was out of hand until now. He sat back in his computer chair and thought about how disappointed he was in himself for allowing this to even happen once. He couldn't help but think of what if everyone else found out the other guys what would they think? Nick decided to stop wallowing in disappointment and get out to get everything changed since Rayna took the kids to do grocery shopping.

“Penny for your thoughts,” she smiled as she kissed his cheek.

“Just working on something” he responded

“All I see is a blank piece of paper,” she giggled.

“I know I can’t seem to write it all down too many thoughts going through my head I guess,” Rayna turned Nick’s chair around and sat in his lap.

“Can we talk?”

“I guess since I can’t seem to write anything down and all I have is a blank piece of paper in front of me,”

“You ok?”

“She’s onto me, what do I say?,” he thought ,” Yeah I am fine.”

“You sure babe? You have been acting weird lately you’ve been up all hours of the night you can’t seem to ever sleep I am worried about you and so are the kids.”

“I just have a lot on my mind with the new album and then the tour in such,” he lied.

“You have been doing tours and albums long before the kids and I ever came along what is so different now?” Nick looked at Rayna and his eyes started to fill up with tears,” I have to tell her this is just eating me up inside, but I know I can’t,” he thought,” What’s wrong?” she ran her fingers though his hair.

“I just missed you guys so much I can’t stand not being away from you its hard being away for so long, and now that I am home it feels different and I don’t know what to do,” he lied again the more he lied the more guilt just overwhelmed him.

“Why not just ask the guys for a little more time off?”

“We have deadlines and such and with 2013 coming up we have a specific release date and then with our 20yr reunion coming up as well and then being on tour for minimum of a year and a half cause this is going to be one hell of a world tour we are planning out its going to be long and I am just stressed and worried.” He said.

“Look I understand I am worry if I haven’t been more supportive of just been a tee total bitch lately but we all missed you just as much and I know it hasn’t been easy but I promise I will try and make an effort to come and bring the kids out more and Skype more so you can see them. We both have things we have to work on. I love you.”

“Love you too. I know we can work on his. I just have to get my head out of my ass how about we take that vacation to Florida or maybe I can bring mom up and WE can just go on one by ourselves and have a few days alone?” Rayna smiled.

“I like the sound of that idea.”

“Good cause I wasn’t going to take no for an answer. Was going to surprise you she should be here later this afternoon.”

“I figured you had something going on you aren’t very sneaky Mr. Carter” Nick smiled

“I know I am terrible.”

“I better go and get some cleaning done before the two little monsters get up from their naps” Rayna said getting up from his lap,” Love you.” She said leaning down and giving Nick a kiss.

“Love you too,” He watched Rayna walk out the door. He was looking forward to some alone time with Rayna maybe they could “reconnect” and maybe everything would just disappear or would it?

“What can I get you?” the bartender asked.

“A beer I guess I really shouldn’t be here” he stated. The bartender handed him his beer.

“You are that Backstreet Boy aren’t you? I saw you guys on the news” Nick took a sip of his cold beer

“Yeap that’s me”

“It must be hard being away from your family”

“I deal with it I guess.” He said,” I have been doing this for almost twenty years now and it hasn’t gotten any easier being away from family."

“I don’t see how you famous people do it I don’t think I could”

“Dude, some days I don’t know why I am still here myself,” Nick said

“It was nice talking to you for a little bit but my boss will get after me if I don’t tend to these other people wanting drinks come back anytime” Nick sat at the bar for a little while longer and decided to get up and sit at a nearby table. He watched people dance he wished Rayna was here he missed her he missed the kids. He hoped that she would come and visit like she said she would even though they have only been in London for a little over a month it felt like an eternity to him.

“Well hello there. I didn’t expect to see you here,” the red headed woman said as she sat next to Nick.

“Emelyn what are you doing here?” Nick was surprised to see her he certainly wasn’t expecting to see her. He hadn’t talked to her since he had decided to recommit himself to Rayna.

“I am on vacation well….sorta I knew you guys were going to be here recording so I decided to take a vacation …well an extended leave so to speak.”

“So you are stalking me?”

“No nothing like that silly. I missed you and you obviously changed your email and phone number I didn’t really have any other choice than to hunt you down.”

“I am pretty sure that is stalking Em” Nick was hoping to get her off his back but all those feelings of them being together having someone close to him when he was away on tour or recording. He knew he had to hold them back history could not absolutely not repeat itself.

“Look I know you are a creature of habit Nick. I am not stupid all the Backstreet wives came to visit except yours. I am like the secret service Nick I know everything and I knew you would be lonely and needed some company. So do you want to get out of here or not?” the little voice in Nick’s head was screaming at the top of his lungs not to go but she was right he was lonely and he wanted companionship he wanted someone to hold he missed that,” Hello earth to Mr. Carter.” He waved her hand in front of his face

“Uh yeah why don’t we. I am sure you know I don’t have my own room right now so your room?”

“Well Mr. Carter why not get straight to the point what do you think I am some sex machine “she giggled.

“Maybe” he flirted back and there went the little voice in his head again but he refused to listen to it once more he was only thinking with his penis at this point in time.

………….

Later on that night Nick and Emelyn were in bed cuddling and watching a movie when his phone rang. It was Brian.

“Hello?”

“Hey man just wondering where you are didn’t see you when I got home from dinner we brought you back something figured you were hungry.”

“Who is that Nicky?” Nick looked at Emelyn and glared at her.

“Who is that? I know that isn’t Rayna”

“Its no one Bri. I didn’t do anything stupid”

“I am totally calling bullshit Nick. I told you not to do this again it would be a mistake. Get back here right now” Brian said angrily Nick knew he was thoroughly pissed off because Brian hardly ever swore unless he was super mad.

“You are not my guardian anymore Brian I am a grown man.” He shot back.

“Yeah a grown man who will lose everything they have get to get a piece of ass yes that sounds like a grown man to me. Now either you get back here or I will get Rayna on the phone”

“You wouldn’t”

“You bet your ass I would and if I didn’t I am sure the other four guys here will be gladly to oblige. I suggest you get back here right now.” Brian hung up on Nick. Nick turned to Emelyn he was mad as well.

“Why in the fuck did you do that for?”

“Do what?”

“You know what Em…oh who is that Nicky knowing exactly who might be on the other line. Are you trying to get me into trouble? “

“The way I see it Nick if you obviously loved your wife you would not have come back to my hotel room. How about I make it up to you.” She said kissing his neck.

“No, I have to go this was a mistake Em I am sorry” he said getting out of bed and getting dressed.

“Nick if you leave you will regret it”

“Don’t you threaten me Em. This cannot go on anymore I wasn’t thinking and you took advantage of me and we had history from the last tour you dooped me like anyone would ever believe you anyway.”

“Fine go but you better watch what you do Nick you wouldn’t want your wifey to find out.” Nick grabbed his coat and walked out the door. Little did he know that would be the biggest mistake of his life.

“What is this some intervention or something?” Nick said taking off his coat and tossing it onto the couch that was nearby.

“Yes.” Brian replied,” You need help”

“I am capable of doing this on my own”

“No you are not if you were out with some random chick tonight” Howie chimed in.

“It was just a onetime thing” Nick shrugged his shoulders.” And you didn’t need to go and tell the whole world Brian. What if they tell the girls?”

“They aren’t even here and besides if you don’t stop your shit I am sure it will be plastered all over some tabloid soon enough. You need the help Brian told us everything about the NKOTBSB tour. This isn’t fair to Rayna or the kids if you wanted to still be a bachelor then you shouldn’t have gotten married” Kevin said.

“Kev, it was a mistake and it won’t happen again.”

“You told me that almost two months ago Nick and what do you know you are in the same exact position.” Nick was becoming frustrated with everyone. He knew he wasn’t going to escape the madness of them, but they were right what if a tabloid found out?

“Did you at least use protection so she couldn’t get pregnant?” AJ asked.

“Uh I don’t know it was dark.”

“Nick you can be a real idiot some days.” Howie said,” I knew you were careless but I didn’t think it was this careless”

“Hey now just stop ganging up on me. If this is all you guys are going to do I am going to get out of here for the night. I don’t have to put up with this shit.”

“We are just trying to get through to you Nick. You don’t seem to understand the extent of what you are doing. If Rayna were to ever find out and at the rate you are going right now she will you will lose your wife, your kids and everything that comes along with it. Take our damn advice and just end this all. Just pick up your phone and call that girl that you will no longer be in contact with her.” Brian said. Nick thought for a second why was he being so stubborn about this. Why risk everything?

“You’re right”

“I know I am right, but what can we do about it?” We need a solution”

“Well how about Nick will need a chaperone when he goes out? That way the temptation is gone,” Howie suggested.

“I like that idea and we will get Nick a new bodyguard as well since obviously he wasn’t paying attention that Nick left without him”

“Sounds good anything else to add?” Brian asked.

“And if the wives are in town Nick will just have to stay at home. Well now that I think about it Rochelle won’t be able to come out this way since she is getting further and further along. I can just hang out with Nick.” AJ said. Nick rolled his eyes.

“Hey this is for your own good. You did this and these are your consequences. Baylee behaves better than you at times.”

“Just wait until he gets his first piece of ass”

“Nick quit being an asshole” Kevin snapped,” This is the only way we can ensure you won’t do this again stupid actions cause for stupid consequences. So is this what we want to do then?” Everyone nodded in agreement,” Alright well how about we go to bed I am beat and Kristen and the girls should be home soon from taking the kids out for ice cream”

“Night guys” Nick felt so furious on the inside how everyone just ganged up on him and didn’t even let him get a word in hardly now he has to have two bodyguards while going out. This was getting ridiculous to him. He knew everyone was right but he wasn’t a child he was a grown man obviously having issues. He went into his room and laid down on his bed and couldn’t help but think of what scheme Emelyn was trying to come up with. His gut was starting to tell him it wasn’t a good thing that was going to be coming his way. He was in a pretty bad situation and a bad situation always leads into trouble which something Nick seems to be good at these days.

“So is Nick adjusting to being back home yet?” Leigh asked. Rayna hesitated for a second.

“Sorta…something is off though it’s like all the sudden he is hiding something”

“Its Nick… you never know with that man.”

“Oh, I know that but its just not the same right nw. I figured he would be happy to be home with me and the kids after that huge argument about six months ago well I told you all about it but now I just don’t know maybe I am being paranoid.” Rayna has always been paranoid because of what she had to go through in the past with her ex it always crossed her mind every once in a while especially when Nick was starting to act weird she always had to reassure herself at times and tell herself that some days Nick just wanted to keep his privacy regardless who if it was her.

“Well whatever he has been hiding it has upset Brian too” Leighanne stated taking a bite of her salad. All the girls looked at Leighanne with confused looks on their faces.

“What has Brian been doing?” Kristen asked.

“He just has been angry especially with Nick and he is hardly ever just angry at anything or anybody unless they have just really pissed him off” “Come to think of it that night in London was weird,” Leigh said.” Remember girls they sent us to take the kids to ice cream at like 9 o’clock that evening even though the kids had to be in bed.” Kristen and Leighanne nodded their heads in agreement. ,p> “Well I was with AJ on Skype but he did have to go rather quickly when all the guys got home”

“Ok, you guys are really starting to freak me out,” Rayna said setting her fork down onto the table.

“Its probably nothing other than a coincidence,” Leighanne said.

“it all makes since Leigh. I mean he has been acting weird, we rarely are intimate anymore and when we are its just a rollover he is going to sleep situation no cuddle time or anything, and all he does is keeps to himself. I hate it,” Rayna sighed.” I am not hungry anymore you guys want to get out of here?” My treat since we didn’t get to finish” Rayna said getting out her wallet.

“No need,” Kristen said.” Can we please get some to go bags and a check please?”

“Sure thing” the waitress said seconds later the waitress came back with bags and the check the girls wasn’t going to let Rayna pay for the whole bill so they split it straight down the middle.

“So where do you want to go?”

“Maybe just back to my house? Kids will be home soon I would have suggested the park but I think Ava is much too young to play on the swings” Rayna chuckled.

“Alright, how about we pick up kids and meet you there?” Leigh said as she grabbed her bag.

“Sounds good” as all the ladies started to get up Rayna was approached by a young woman.

“Excuse me miss you but are you Rayna Carter?”

“Yes, may I help you?”

“You don’t know me but I was hired by someone to give this to you. I am really sorry to disrupt you” She handed Rayna an envelope and then walked off.

“What the hell was that all about?” Rochelle asked.

“I don’t know but I am almost afraid to open this” Rayna said.

“Lets go back to your house and do it there.”

……….

Rayna got home and set the mysterious envelope on the coffee table in front of her and waited for the other girls to arrive. Rayna was nervous about what was in the envelope has all her suspicions been confirmed? Or is it divorce papers or pictures all she knew was she was scared she certainly didn’t want to accept anything that was contained in that envelope.

“Have you opened it up yet?” Rochelle asked as she walked into the house carrying Ava.

“No”

“The other girls will be in, in just a sec” seconds later everyone came through the door Leighanne even picked up Hunter and Olivia for Rayna.

“Baylee keep them kids entertained for a little while please”

“Mom, I am almost an adult”

“Go! You are nowhere near 18” she said pointing towards the playroom” Baylee rolled his eyes and took the younger kids down the hall to the playroom.

“So what’s in it?” Kristen asked Rayna shrugged her shoulders.

“She hasn’t opened it yet” Rochelle answered.

“Give it here and I will” Leighanne grabbed the envelope from the coffee table and ripped it open and saw the pictures of when Nick leaving with Emelyn from the bar and then walking into the hotel and there was also a note.

“It’s my worst fear isn’t it?” Rayna asked. Leighanne nodded,” Let me see them.” Rayna grabbed the photos and saw all the pictures of them together holding hands, and even one where he was giving her a kiss and then the last two photos were the worst there was a picture of them going into a hotel and then last but not least a picture of an ultrasound. Rayna just broke down and started to cry,” How could he do this to me?” she questioned,” He promised he would never do this to me and I had a feeling but I didn’t want to believe it and not only did he cheat, but he got that whore pregnant too,” the girls were shocked.

“You don’t know if its his Ray she could just be hoping for a huge payout or something.” Leigh said.

“Doesn’t matter he still cheated” she sobbed.

“What does the note say,” Kristen asked. Rayna picked up the little yellow piece of paper.

I am sorry to tell you this but Nick and I have been seeing each other off and on for the last year or so. This was the only way I could prove it to you so that you would believe me he is cheating, and now I am happily pregnant with his child you probably don’t believe me but once this child is born I will prove that too.

“Oh Ray I am so sorry,” Kristen said pulling Rayna into a hug,” Is there anything we can do? You want us to kick his ass?” Rayna couldn’t say anything at all, all she could do was cry. Her worst fear had come true.

“No, I just want to be alone. I need to figure out what I need to do”

“Well if you need a place to stay you are welcome to stay with Bri and I, but I am going to text him cause it sounds like all the guys had a hand in covering this up and I bet it started with that night in London.” Leighanne said digging out her phone and quickly texting Brian,” Bay, we need to go and bring the other kids with you” Leighanne yelled down the hall.”Please call me if you need anything”

“I will.” The girls got the kids all ready to go.

“No matter what may happen Ray we will always be here for you, you are a permanent member of our family” Kristen said.

“Thanks girls, sorry this day turned out so shitty”’

“No need to apologize Nick’s the prick in this whole situation. You two will sort it out I am sure but please call if you need anything.” After everyone left Rayna just sat there and cried on the couch. It was hard enough with two kids and now there were four to take care of.

………

Meanwhile at the studio Brian’s phone started to buzz he looked at it with a message from Leighanne.

Brian, we need to talk about this chick Nick is sleeping with on the side Rayna got a bunch of pictures today from some random woman. You need to get home now!

Brian sighed.

“This can’t be good” Brian walked over to the rest of the guys who were sitting on the couch,” Hey guys we may want to call it a day.” Brian said.

“Why?” Nick asked

“I am sorry to have to tell you this but uh the cat is out of the bag. We are in trouble.”

As Nick pulled into the driveway he knew what was about to happen. Everything was about to go to hell, everything that he has worked so hard for. How could he have been so stupid? How could he have done this to his family? He was frustrated with himself, but now he must pay the consequences. Just before he left the studio Brian started to gloat and say “I told you she would find out” over and over again and he was right she did find out, but how was the question on his mind. Did Emelyn call her? Did she write an email? Did someone tell Rayna behind his back? All these questions were fluttering around in his brain as he parked the car, He just sat there for a few seconds not wanting to go in and face the music, he wanted everything to be back the way it was before he messed everything up. He slowly got out of the car and walked up to the house and walked through the door. It was quiet. His heart began to break had she already left? He didn’t hear the kids. He walked down the hall to their bedroom and there was Rayna sitting on the bed with an envelope looking at pictures.

“Hey” he said. Rayna looked up at his with tears just streaming down her cheeks.

“I just have one question for you. Why? Why did you do this? Was I just not good enough for you anymore?” she asked. Nick started to walk towards Rayna,” Please I don’t want you near me, you are lucky I am still even here right now.” She snapped. Nick stopped dead in his tracks.

“I don’t have an answer for you. I think a lot of it was just being lonely out on the road and you didn’t want to come out and everyone else had their wives but me”

“Don’t blame this on me Nick you are the one that couldn’t keep it in their pants,” she shot.

“I am not. I am just saying what happened it didn’t mean anything Ray.”

“Bullshit Nick you have been doing this behind my back for almost a year. I call that meaning something. What you didn’t think I would find out? Did you think the guys could just hide this from all of us?”

“Honestly I didn’t think you would find out I thought I was so careful but I promise you I haven’t done anything in a long time please can we just work this out?” he pleaded.

“I don’t think that is even a possibility right now Nick” his eyes started to water.

“Why? Why can’t we make this work?” he asked. Rayna handed him the photo of an ultra sound.

“This is why. It may have been a different story if you had only cheated a few times but to be so careless as to getting another woman pregnant that is something entirely different Nick”

“No, she is lying Ray please you have to believe me.” He begged.

“My trust with you right now is on thin ice. I don’t even know what is worse right now you cheating or the fact you got some whore pregnant.”

“It was never my intention to do this I wasn’t thinking.”

“Obviously you weren’t thinking. What about the kids? Did you think of them? How something like this could affect them if I were to find out?” Nick hesitated to answer.

“No” he responded.

“I don’t even know what to say anymore other than I am leaving Nick. I can’t handle it. I can’t handle the fact you did this behind my back and having a child with someone other than me,”

“Rayna please don’t leave me. I will do anything please just don’t leave.” He pleaded once more but pleading or begging certainly didn’t look like it was changing her mind.

“I’m sorry” Rayna got up from the bed and walked into the closet and started collecting clothes.

“You and the kid’s stay I will leave just let me get some things.”

“Nick this is your house we can find somewhere else”

“You’re wrong this is our house. We are married. We share everything or we did I guess. Please I will go I can find somewhere to go.” Rayna started putting her clothes back.

“Fine.” She said walking out of the room. Nick didn’t even want to think about what had just happened. He just let her go like that, but there wasn’t anything he could do to change her mind. Her mind was made up this was going to happen. He couldn’t believe he let things go as far as they did with Emelyn. He was mad and frustrated with himself. He gathered up a few shirts and pants and shoes and shoved them into a duffle bag and walked into the living room.

“I will tell the kids you had to move back in with the guys to work on the new album. You are welcome to come and visit, call, or Skype anytime but as far as even being able to trust you its out of the question right now until we can figure things out. I need some space to think and figure out what I want to do. We can pretend in front of the kids I don’t want them to know anything.” She stated. Nick nodded in agreement.

“I just want to say something before I leave.” He put the duffle bag down on the floor,” I know none of this will change your mind but I love you with everything that I am. I love you I love the kids I love the life we have together. I want us to be a family and I am sorry I fucked everything up for you and for the kids, and I hate myself for it I will never forgive myself for what I have done to you and the kids’ . I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t have you and the kids’ around. I know I am not perfect hell I have made some terrible mistakes but I promise and I will prove to you I can change and I will change. We can figure this out and be a family again. I know this may be hard to believe but its true, I mean it from the bottom of my heart” Nick walked towards Rayna and wrapped his arms around her. She didn’t stop him she wanted him to hold her and comfort her even though it was hard to let him go, deep down in her heart she wanted to forgive him but a part of her just couldn’t, not yet. She needed time to heal.

“Nick I just can’t I’m sorry” Rayna pushed out of the hug and ran down the hall. As much as he wanted to run after her it was pointless it wouldn’t make the least bit of difference. He picked up his bag and walked out of the house and got into his car and just sat there and cried. He broke down he couldn’t take it any longer. He made so, so many mistakes and he was now paying deeply for them. He guesses what they say is true karma is a bitch.

“Hey man what’s up?”

“We have another problem.”

“What is it this time? I swear I haven’t been doing anything” he stated.

“Good to know but I think you need to turn your TV on and watch entertainment tonight, I know you have been trying to keep this separation under wraps but this chick Emelyn or whatever her name is has it out to ruin you or something dude.” Nick picked his remote up from the coffee table and turned on the tv…he had missed the first few minutes of it of course but he saw Emelyn holding a baby.

“Fuck” he said.

“I know dude you can’t hide it anymore you going to need to make some kind of a statement, Kev wanted me to call and tell you that you have too its too late now.”

“I guess I will write something up. I guess I will get off of here and listen to this bullshit that she has to say. I will talk at you later bro”

“Alright let me know if you need anything.”

“I will.” Nick hung up the phone and turned up the TV.

“So Emelyn why are you deciding to come out today?:” the reporter asked.

“Well because I think Mr. Carter wants nothing to do with this child and he needs to man up and take responsibility for his actions and start taking care of his child” she said.

“Why not go about this in a different manner I am sure you could just have picked up your phone and called him”

“I tried but he denied my calls over and over again and kept saying the baby wasn’t his.”

“And are you sure the baby is his?” Emelyn nodded.” How long were you and Mr. Carter involved?”

“Almost a year, we met when he was on tour with New Kids On The Block and then there was a little fling while they were recording in Europe for their newest album.” She confessed. Nick couldn’t believe what he was hearing,” It’s so hard being a single parent and I want is our baby to be loved and to be a family.”

“But Mr. Carter is married Emelyn”

“I heard they are separated from a source, but I am not going to tell you who told me,” Now Nick was mad where did she get off telling the whole world about his separation from Rayna?

“Well we didn’t know this. Well Emelyn is there anything else you would like to clear up?”

“No, I think I pretty much said all that I wanted to say” “Well ladies there you heard it first here on ET. Nick Carter’s mistress has spoken out about their love affair they have had for over a year now and she just had his baby and is now separated from his wife Rayna of just two years whom he has four children with. This sounds like a love triangle from hell if you ask me. Will Nick get together with this mistress? Or just decide to pay child support? I guess we will just have to see how this story unfolds.”

Nick turned off the TV he didn’t want to hear any more of the bullshit that was unfolding before his eyes. He wondered who told her about him and Rayna separated the only people who knew were the guys and their wives unless it was slipped up somewhere down the line. His phone started to ring again, this time it was Rayna.

“Hello?”

“Nick what in the world is going on?” Nick ran his fingers through his hair.

“I guess you saw ET?”

“Yes, have you been hanging out with her again?”

“No!” he exclaimed,” I swear Ray I haven’t, I haven’t seen her since we were in Europe I promise, you have to believe me.” There was silence on the other end of the phone,” Ray?”

“I am here Nick. I don’t know. I just hope the kids don’t find out I don’t know how to explain this to them.”

“Then let’s not explain anything let’s just get back together and defuse the rumors. I want it to be me and you again. I miss us”

“Nick I still need time and after the thing I saw on the news I am just not sure”

“I will prove this baby isn’t mine Ray”

“And what if it is then what?”

“I don’t know what you would like me to do?” he asked her. The line went silent again.

“I don’t even want to think about it because I don’t think I could ever get used to a child that was born from a mistress” she stated.

“I will prove it Rayna and for whatever reason if this child just happens to be mine then I will do the right thing and pay child support I guess I hope that you will come around cause I don’t think the option of just paying her a lump of money will work.”

“Just prove it then Nick the kids miss you and its getting hard to hide stuff from them,”

“I will but please if for whatever reason I am wrong you have to give me another chance, I know you miss me and I know the kids too and I miss you too. I know I have made some God awful mistakes and I regret them every single fucking day of my life just please consider it.” He heard Rayna sigh.

“Maybe, but I am not going to give you any kind of an answer please just let me get my thoughts together.”

“Alright I have to go and make some kind of a stupid statement please just know that I love you and the kids”

“I know you do Nick. I’ll talk to you soon.” Nick hung up the phone. Now it was time to clean up the mess he has made. It was time to come clean to his fans and also to himself that he isn’t perfect and mistakes do happen and somehow prove that Emelyn was lying but deep down in his gut he knows that this wasn’t going to turn out well that the baby was his but he felt like this was Emelyn’s plan all along, but he decided that he would talk to Emelyn first and get a paternity test before he even put the statement out.

“You know you are such a chicken shit” he said.

“I know, but I just have this bad feeling in the pit of my stomach this bad luck karma thing has just kicked my ass all the way through this shit and I just know this child is mine but I don’t have to admit it I guess, and if this baby is mine Rayna told me she didn’t want to have anything to do with me she told me the other day so yes I am being a chicken shit.” Nick responded.

“Well I am not gonna say I ..”

“Don’t please,” Nick interrupted,” I beat myself up every day over this no gloating”

“Sorry,” Brian apologized,” Let’s just get this over with Leighanne thinks I am out at the gym, this tip toeing thing is really getting out of hand.” Brian took the piece of paper from Nick and opened it,” Nick you are the father,” he said in his best impersonation of Maury he could possibly do,” Dude I really am sorry, so what are you going to do?”

“I don’t know its kinda hard to lie about this”

“Wellll” he said.” Not exactly I can fabricate just about anything I think. Let me see what I can do,” Brian walked over to Nick’s laptop and opened it up.” See I can probably find an official seal online and paste them into a document and then just rewrite everything that the letter says and instead of saying you are the father I will just add that you are not the father simple as that.” He paused.,” And then bam! You should have her back.”

“Bri, if Leighanne ever found out she would kick your ass”

“She isn’t going to ever find out but once I do this hide the original please burn it do whatever you have to do so it doesn’t get into the wrong hands cause I won’t be able to save you again.”

“I knew you always had some kind of a wild side up in there somewhere,” Nick chuckled.

“I try,” Brian did his thing and make up the document just like the original and it wasn’t easy but no one would ever know. Nick couldn’t believe how authentic it looked he couldn’t tell the difference,” Just remember don’t let the original get into the wrong hands Nick and with the child support find a way to disguise it since Rayna is on your bank account I suggest a college fund or something I don’t really know but do whatever you have to do and if you do it right no one will ever find out.”

“Rok, you know way too much about this shit and you are making yourself look suspicious.”

“Leigh just watches too much of those damn crime shows” he laughed,” I could probably tell you how to kill someone and get away with it too.” They both laughed,” I should be going I told Leigh I wasn’t going to stay too long at the gym she will be blowing up my phone before I know it, but let me know how it turns out.”

“I will thank you again man I owe you”

“Dude, you’d do the same for me if I was ever in the same situation I’ll see you later” he said giving him a quick hug before he went out the door. Nick knew he had to make some kind of plan to get Emelyn off his back he decided to walk down the street and call her from one of the last payphones in the city.

“Hello?”

“Hey we need to talk?”

“Decided to change your mind about us did you?” she asked.

“No, but I have a proposition”

“Go on”

“If I decided to make a separate account for you and our child anonymously and promise to put whatever you need into it can you please just stop torturing me?” the phone went silent,” Em please you have already made such a big deal about this you have gone onto TV and slammed me on my twitter account just give me a break”

“You really love her don’t you?”

“Yes I do we have something great and I know I had a moment …well ok moments of weakness but I truly love her and the thought of her going away forever just kills me to know end.” He heard Emelyn sigh.

“Find, but if you fuck with me one time Carter so help me”

“I won’t believe me. What name do I need to use” “Her name is Lorelei Bryan”

“Thank you Em I will get it set up right away”

“I am only doing this because I know you won’t ever love me like you do her. I am sorry I put you through all of this and into this predicament”

“ No, don’t apologize it was just as much as my fault as anyone’s thank you again I will be in touch with you soon.” Nick hung up the phone and walked back to his condo and made a call to the bank and set up the arrangements promising nothing would ever get leaked and no one would ever find out not even Rayna he just hoped it wouldn’t come around to bite him in the ass one day.

“Daddy!” they all exclaimed running to him.

“We’ve missed you” Hunter said giving him a hug.

“I’ve missed you too where is your mother?”

“I think in the house making lunch” Olivia responded.

“You kids go and play now until lunch is ready and then after lunch I will come and join you,”

“ok dad!” all the kids went back to the slide. Nick walked into the house and saw Rayna cooking up a batch of grilled cheese sandwiched.

“Hey got enough to make one more?” Rayna turned around and saw Nick standing in the doorway.

“Oh hey I didn’t hear you come in, and how many you want?”

“Two please.” He said taking a seat at the bar,” Where’s Darren?”

“He is napping…a late nap I know but he was being stubborn so what brings you over? You usually don’t come on Tuesdays”

“Well I have something to show you” Rayna looked at Nick with a smirk on her face.

“Oh really?”

“Mhmm and I think you will like it,” Nick took out the piece of paper from his pocket,” Here”

“What’s this?” she asked setting down the spatula

“Just read it” Rayna opened up the piece of paper and realized what it was

“So you aren’t the father?”

“Nope.” He said,” I told you I would prove to you that this baby wasn’t mine.”

“I’m sorry” she apologized.

“For what?”

“Not trusting you and being such a bitch about it all.” Nick got up from his chair and walked over to Rayna and pulled her in for a hug. He missed her all he wanted was to be back home with his family.

“You had every right to do what you did you me Ray. I was such an asshole for doing it. I can promise you I won’t ever do it again.”

“Nick I know but I just won’t be able to forgive you over night. It will take some time to get over it.” She explained,” But if you want you can move back in but separate bedrooms. The kids miss you and they know the album is already completed,” Nick smiled he was glad he was going to get to come home.

“I understand, after I finish eating mind if I go to the condo and start bringing stuff over? Maybe I can get AJ and D come and help me move back in.”

“Sure that’s fine,” Rayna served up the grilled cheese sandwiches to Nick and the kids and they all sat around the table in the kitchen like they were a real family again.

“I see you tuckered him out”

“Yeah Maddy is in the car and I dropped off Hunter and Liv at their friends house” he replied.

“I will go and get Maddy” Rayna walked out the car to get Maddy when she noticed a car parked on the other side of the street. She just assumed it was someone getting ready to leave or maybe even talking on a cell phone she certainly knew it couldn’t be her neighbors since they were out of town for the week. She decided to quit being so paranoid and grabbed Maddy out of the car and walked into the house and set her down in her bed as she came out of Maddy’s room she met Nick in the hallway.

“Well Darren is down” Rayna didn’t respond,” Earth to Rayna” Nick waved his hand in front of her face

“Sorry”

“Deep in thought?”

“I saw this car parked across the street and I know the neighbors are gone I guess I am just being overly paranoid as usual”

“I wouldn’t worry too much about it maybe someone was lost. There is a million different reasons as to why that car was right there.”

“Yeah you’re probably right.”

“How about we go and watch a movie or something until the kids wake up?”

“Sure” they walked into the living room and sat down on the couch, ”So what do you want to watch?” Nick shrugged his shoulders.

“I don’t know I am down for anything really.” Rayna turned on the TV as Rayna flipped through the channels she noticed Nick kept starring at her every time she’d look back at the TV.

“What are you starring at?” she laughed,” Is there something on my face”

“No”

“Well then what is it?”

“Nothing, I was just going to say if you wanted to come and cuddle with me you can. I am sure I am more comfortable than the couch.” Rayna smiled, he was right she missed him more than he could ever imagine. She missed his smile, his goofiness, and most of all her best friend. Rayna scooted over to Nick and nuzzled into Nick’s chest like she used too while they watched TV. Nick wrapped his arm around Rayna and smiled.

“There isn’t a whole lot on” Rayna said as she tossed the remote to Nick,” You find something.” Nick picked up the remote and starting flipping through channels and saw one of Rayna’s favorite movies “A Walk to Remember”.

“I love this movie. I haven’t seen it in so long,”

…………

The movie was over and Nick looked down at Rayna who was fast asleep. He carefully got up and grabbed the throw blanket that was on the back end of the couch and covered Rayna with it leaning down and giving her a quick kiss on the forehead but it woke her up.

“Did I fall asleep?” she asked.

“Yeah, you must have been tired its not often you fall asleep to one of your favorite movies.” He smiled.

“I guess so,” Rayna looked at the time,” Wow, I am surprised the kids have slept so long. You need to take them to the park a lot more often.” She chuckled.

“Yes ma’am” they both went silent just looking at each other trying to find something to talk about.

“Hey Nick”

“Hm”

“I just wanted to say these past couple of months have been so amazing and the way you have been with the kids and letting me have some space. I’d like to invite you back into the room.” Nick kissed Rayna without any hesitation. Rayna kissed back wrapping her arms around Nick’s neck She missed this, he missed this, hell they missed each other. Each kiss got more intense. Rayna climbed up onto Nick’s lap now straddling him

“Let’s take this to the bedroom.” Nick suggested as he picked up Rayna but before that could happen a car pulled up into the driveway. It was Hunter and Olivia coming home from their play date, ”Dammit!” Nick exclaimed,” Just when things were about to start getting really hot,” Rayna let out a smirk.

“I will take care of it tonight.” She said letting out a smile while getting off his lap.

“Are you sure it isn’t bedtime yet?” he laughed as he looked down at his watch.

“You can wait just a few hours.” Rayna adjusted her clothes and then sat down next to Nick. Hunter and Olivia soon came walking in through the door.

“How was Rachel and David’s?”

“Good…can we go out and play please mom?”

“Sure I guess just go and get some play clothes on” Hunter and Olivia got their play clothes on and ran outside.

“You know those two are something else.” Nick stated.

“Yeah I know.” Nick and Rayna once again sat on the couch watching a little TV when Nick turned to Rayna.

“Hey Ray?”

“Hm?”

“I love you”

“I love you too Nick”

“Hey Uncle Nick all the grownups are out on the patio”

“Thanks little dude.” The family walked into Brian’s house and headed towards the patio once outside everyone had already arrived,” Sorry we are so late we had kid troubles.” Nick said setting Darren down on the grass to let him play while Maddy, Hunter and Olivia played with the other Backstreet children.

“It’s all good bro it’s no different than usual.” He said giving Nick a hug.

“Very funny”

“Well most of the food is on the table over these if the kids are hungry and I am grilling up some steaks for us,” Brian said pointing to the table of food.

“What’s the occasion? You never cook steaks you always leave that up to me…the grill master,” he chuckled.

“Well Leigh and I have a little bit of an announcement” Brian said as Leighanne walked over to Brian.

“We were going to wait until after we ate dinner but since Nick is here we might as well spill the beans.” Leighanne stated, everyone looked to the attention of Brian and Leighanne.

“Well we have made the decision to sell our house here in Georgia we have outgrown it.” Everyone was kind of confused.

“How in the world have you outgrown a two bedroom house with just three people a couple of dogs,” Nick questioned.

“Well believe it or not we are expecting,” all the girls’ eyes lit up like a bunch of flyer flies while the boys’ faces were still quite dumbfounded.

“Expecting what?” Brian couldn’t help but bust out laughing uncontrollably,” What’s so funny?”

“A baby you goof,”

“A baby? I thought you guys were done with the whole diapering, staying up all night, and not to mention you are getting pretty old,” Nick laughed.

“Thanks bro we weren’t expecting this either, Bay has been an only child for so long everything is going to be a new experience for us. It just kind of happened I guess.”

“Well I have a little surprise of my own.” Leighanne spoke up,” Brian, guys, girls,…I went to the doctor the other day and I wanted to wait to tell everyone until today but we are expecting twins,” Leighanne said bringing out the ultrasound. The look on Brian’s face was almost priceless he was speechless he didn’t have much for words.

“I think Brian is a little speechless. He can’t seem to talk.” Kevin joked,” Congrats cuz,” he said shaking his hand.

“I defiantly wasn’t expecting this, but thanks cuz.”

…………….

All the girls sat around the fire pit after dinner while the guys huddled around the bar.

“So when are you due?”

“Sometime in March I think …middle of the month or so.”

“Are you hoping for girls or boys?” Kristen asked.

“Girls,” she giggled,” Another girl would be nice for once,”

“I bet you cant wait,” Rayna said, Leighanne sighed.

“I am a little nervous actually, Bay is going to start his teenage years and here we are starting another part of our little family. Its going to be a big adjustment.

“You will be fine, you guys are such awesome parents.”

“Awe thanks Roch”

The boys stood around the bar having their own conversation.

“So twins eh?” Nick said.

“Yeah it’s looking that way isn’t it?”

“Good luck with that,” Nick joked taking a small sip of his beer.

“What I think Nick is trying to say is congratulations,” AJ said.

“He knew what I meant,” Nick said,” But are you nervous?”

“Yes, Bay is almost a teenager now and I will be back to doing diaper duty not only for one but two? I think the thing that is going to suck the most is that I will be gone for most of this pregnancy cause of the tour. I took time off with Leighanne was pregnant with Baylee but this time I can’t. I am worried I will miss so much.”

“Well like you said Rok, it wasn’t really expected,” Howie said.

“I know D, it’s weird I guess. Nick is finally back with Ray, we have been together for twenty years, Howie had a new baby, Kev is about to have a new baby and now we are about to embark on the same journey.”

“It will be one hell of a ride but I am down if y’all are.”

“Hell yeah I am” AJ said.

“Me too” Howie said.

“Me three” Kevin chimed in the guy’s finally joined their wives around the fire pit and talked of memories from tours and childhood and of their futures.

“Nick what is going on?” Rayna asked.

“I don’t know but it doesn’t look good,” he responded. As he drove down further Nick notices that the cops were at his residence. He pulled into the driveway,” Stay here with the kids until I find out what’s going on.” Nick unbuckled his seat belt and got out of the car. The officer approached Nick.

“Mr. Carter?”

“Yes”

“I am Officer Daniels your alarm was tripped a rock went through a window in your home”

“Why wasn’t I notified?” he questioned.

“We tried calling but no answer it went straight to your voice mail.” Nick took his phone out of his pocket and noticed it was off which meant he had forgotten to charge it.

“I guess it died when I was over at a friend’s house this evening.

“No worries like I said we responded to a rock being thrown in through the window. When we got here there was no one here.” Officer Daniels explained,” Know anyone who would want to do this?”

“I don’t really have any enemies …my wife said she saw a car a few days ago sitting outside our house if you can let us put our kids to bed she can come and explain everything to you”

“Yeah that will be fine” Nick opened the door.

“So what is going on Nick?”

“Someone had thrown a rock through one of our windows they aren’t sure who it was but lets put the kids to bed and you can talk to him about the car you saw the other day. If we need to go down to the station which we probably will have too I will have Brian come over and watch the kids while we go.”

“Who would do such a thing?”

“I don’t know but let’s get these sleepy kids to bed” Nick scooped up Maddy while Rayna grabbed Darren, Hunter and Olivia followed them into the house. Nick and Rayna tucked in the kids and then went back downstairs to talk to the Officer.

“Sorry about that sir did anyone see anything?” Nick asked.

“No one saw anything since it was so late” his radio started going off,” Excuse me a moment.” The Officer walked off to answer the call.

“Nick I just don’t understand who would want to do this”

“I really don’t know Ray I am just glad we weren’t home when it happened,” he said as Officer Daniels came walking back over to Nick and Rayna.

“I am so sorry about that but it looks like my boss wants you to come down and make an official statement and fill out some paperwork. Is there someone that can come and watch your children?”

“Yeah my buddy Brian can let me go and give him a quick call.

“Again, I am sorry we have to do this”

“We understand officer.” Nick quickly got on the phone with Brian and then went down to the station.

………

Nick and Rayna traveled down to the police station where they met with the Sheriff.

“Hello I am Sheriff Cole sorry we had to drag you guys down here,” he said giving Nick and Rayna a handshake.

“It is not a problem so Officer Daniels said that you needed some kind of a statement”

“Well not exactly we didn’t want to say nothing in case this mystery person was still lurking about”

“What do you mean?”

“We believe you have a stalker Mr. Carter. Neighbors said they have been seeing a strange car parked across your house same time almost every day”

“I saw it!” Rayna blurted,” I told Nick about it and he said it was nothing to worry about and just thought I was being paranoid or something but I knew it wasn’t just anything.” She said.

“Was it a green car?”

“I think it was black but it could have been a dark green I guess.”

“Well we are prepared to keep an eye on your place for a few weeks or so just to make sure. I know you have a huge tour and stuff to get ready for and we didn’t want you to be worried while you were away.”

“I really appreciate that Sheriff” he said shaking his hand Nick and Rayna filled out the necessary paperwork for the Sheriff.

“Well I guess that’s all thank you again for coming all the way down here you guys have a good night”

“You too” Nick and Rayna hurried on home to find Brian catching up on some sports on ESPN.

“So what’s going on?” Brian asked as he turned off the TV.

“Apparently I have a stalker on my hands they said they are going to be keeping an eye out on the place for a couple of weeks to see if there is anything that pops up”

“Well do they have an idea on who it could or might be?”

“No..”

“I have a good idea,” Rayna snickered.

“Ray I am telling you its not her we would know if it were her its probably just some crazy fan or something”

“While I would love to hear you guys argue all night about this I have to get going…I will make sure to tell Leigh and I will see y’all tomorrow sometime”

“Thanks again Rok.” Brian walked out the door Rayna went and sat down on the couch and sighed,” What’s wrong?”

“Everything,” she said,” All of this is frustrating just when things are remotely getting back to the way things used to be something always happens.” Nick joined Rayna on the couch.

“Listen to me everything is going to be ok, Sheriff Cole assured us that he was going to be making sure you guys stay safe while I am on tour. It’s been a long day how about we go to bed and get some sleep.” Rayna looked at Nick looking for some kind of comfort,” I promise everything is going to be ok…let’s go to bed,”

“Positive?”

“Yes,” Nick got up from the couch and grabbed a hold of Rayna’s hand to help her up. Nick had the notion to stay up all night to catch the person who was stalking his family. As the light went dark she watched from afar knowing he went to bed.

“Don’t worry Carter you’ll be mine” she whispered,

This isn’t over Mrs. Carter it won’t be until he is mine

Scared Rayna ran straight into the house and called Sheriff Cole who came out immediately.

“I thought you guys were supposed to be watching the house? You reassured us that this wasn’t going to happen again.” she demanded to know why they weren't doing their job.

“Let’s go in the house and talk about this.” Rayna let Sheriff Cole into the house and went to the kitchen table,” We had to stop the investigation a week ago due to the lack of not being able to find anything. I am sorry Mrs. Carter whoever this is, is paying very close attention to what is going on at your house.” He explained.

“Pardon my French but this is bullshit why can’t you just catch this person?”

“Because there hasn’t been any evidence providing us with a lead Mrs. Carter that is until now”

“Can you get prints off of it even though its so distorted?”

“Probably I will have to take it downtown and have it processed but as long as they didn’t use gloves or anything we should be able to get something yes.” Sheriff Cole took a little baggie out from his belt and slipped the crumpled piece of paper into it.

“I sure hope so, is there any way you can have someone back out here to watch the house?” she asked,” Nick is back on tour and it would help my anxiety so much”

“To be honest Mrs. Carter it depends on how many people I have on duty but I can certainly try, but one more thing can you tell me what color the car was this time? And maybe even a license plate number?”

“It was blue a navy blue I suppose a newer car it looked like maybe a BMW and I didn’t even think to look at the license plate number, but I think I can get it for you though. Nick installed a security system a while back before he left on tour. I bet you the camera got it” she explained.

“Is there any way to go and get it now?” Rayna nodded and took the Sheriff out to the garage and rewound the tape and there on the camera was the license plate number but couldn’t see who was driving the car,” This has been really helpful Mrs. Carter thank you very much. I will run this license plate number and see what we can find.” Rayna felt relieved maybe something would get done,” Sorry but one more question any idea on who you think this could be?”

“Well it could be a number of things see Nick and I had a hiccup last year and we separated for a while and I am sure there were other girls involved at some point but I have no names”

“I see, I would assume a crazy fan”

“That is what Nick is saying but maybe you will find something when you run that plate”

“Well Mrs. Carter I should be getting back down to the station and get the investigation going again. Thank you for calling me.”

“Thank you for coming down we appreciate it”

“And if something were to happen again please don’t hesitate to call no matter the time.”

“Oh believe me you will probably be on my speed dial,” she chuckled.

“You have a nice day now Mrs. Carter,”

“You too Sheriff,” Rayna watched the sheriff get into his car and drive off down the road. Rayna wondered who was doing this and why she still had her thoughts on Emelyn she could be the only possible explanation for all of this non sense but then again Nick could be right and it just be some fan trying to get a little too close for comfort.

“Who the hell is calling me at 2 in the morning,” he pondered to himself. He picked up his IPhone and answered it,” Hello?”

“May I speak with Nick please?”

“This is him. Look I am kind of in Japan and it’s early. I have a show to do later this evening. If you could just call back later on at a decent time I appreciate it.”

“Sir, this about your wife” Nick sat straight up in his bed. “Is everything ok?”

“I am afraid not sir. There has been a terrible accident. Your wife sustained serious injuries. I am sorry I have to inform you over the phone, but she didn’t make it.” Nick went silent. He felt his heart slowly breaking into a million pieces,” Mr. Carter?”

“I…I am here,” he choked out,” How did this happen?”

“There was a car accident. She was headed to the airport and was hit head on by an oncoming car. Like I had said before she sustained serious injuries and while they took her into emergency surgery her injuries were just too severe,” Nick’s eyes were filled up with tears,” I know this is hard Mr. Carter, but I need you to come out to Los Angeles and ID her body. The police feel that this was intentional and want to do a full investigation. Again, I am very sorry I had to tell you this over the phone Mr. Carter.”

“Yeah, I will be on the first flight out,” he said in-between sobs and whipping away his tears.

“I will let the LAPD know,” Nick hung up the phone and just cried. He cried like he has never cried before. She was gone his soul mate, his best friend, his lover. She was just gone. He whipped away his tears and got dressed and headed down the hall to Brian’s room. He hesitated for a second, but then knocked. No answer.

“Of course no answer its 2:30 in the fucking morning,” he thought to himself. He knocked again, once more no answer. He turned around to start walking away and the door opened.

“Nick?” Brian questioned as he rubbed his eyes,” It’s like 2:30 in the morning. Nick looked at Brian and just completely fell apart,” Nick what’s going on?” he asked.

“Rayna, she’s..” Nick couldn’t even spit out the words. He didn’t want to accept the fact she was gone and was never coming back.

“Nick come in and explain to me what is going on.” Nick walked into his room. He went and sat down on the nearest chair he could find and sat down,” Now what is going on with Rayna?” he said. Lost for words Nick could only cry. He couldn’t say anything.” Nick please tell me what is going you are starting to worry me,”

“There has been an accident Rok,” he quietly said,” She was hit head on by an oncoming car. She had serious injuries and emergency surgery couldn’t save her.” Tears rolled down Nick’s face once more. Brian pulled Nick in for a hug. He knew it couldn’t make the pain go away but at least Nick knew he was there for him,” The nurse on the phone said she was headed to the airport.” Brian pulled away from the hug.

“I know.” He said,” She was coming out to surprise you. She wanted to be here for the last night of the tour. Leighanne and the girls are taking turns with the kids.” Nick ran his fingers through his hair.

“I guess it doesn’t matter now. She isn’t ever coming back.”

“If you need to take a few days Nick…”

“This is the other reason I was coming to your room. They need me to fly back home and ID her body. I guess the LAPD think this was intentional and wants to start an investigation.”

“Whatever you need to do Nick just do it. We can handle it here. This is the last show and then we will be on the first flight out. Just go and take care of your family Nick. The kids are going to need you now more than ever. Nick got up from his seat and hugged Brian.

“Thank you. You have always been such a good friend Rok. I love you man,”

“Love you too bro. You are my family too. Please just call me when you land. If you need anything please just pick up the phone and call. I will drop whatever it is I am doing and be there. The other guys I am sure would do the same.” Nick gave Brian one last hug as he left the hotel room. He packed up his things and made arrangements to go back home. His main concern now was getting home to his children this was not going to be easy.

“May I help you?”

“Yes, my wife came in I think yesterday. I mean this morning; sorry my days are all mixed up.” He said

“Do you know what room she is in sir?” He couldn’t spit it out there were no words coming out of his mouth, “Sir?”

“She is in the morgue” he quietly said.

“It’s on the bottom floor.” Nick nodded his head and walked to the nearest elevator. He walked in and pressed the button that said “Floor”. He had never thought he would have to bury his wife. First there was Melissa and now Rayna joined her. The reflection he had been experiencing wasn’t helping. A tear rolled down his face suddenly when the elevator stopped. He wiped away the tear with his sleeve and took a deep breath and walked towards a lady sitting at a desk.

“May I help you sir?”

“Yes, I was told that some defectives would be waiting for me. They should be from the LAPD. My wife came in this morning.”

“Name?”

“Rayna Carter”

“Let me see if they are on their way. There is a waiting room just around the corner there.” He walked around the corner and sat down in a chair. He almost hoped it wouldn’t be her and someone was just playing some cruel joke on him. He wanted it to be some other girl who just looked like her. His gut feeling was telling him otherwise,” They should be here in just a few minutes Mr. Carter. They got tied up in traffic. Just hang tight”

“Hang tight? Did she really just tell me to hang tight,” he thought,” Who in their right mind would tell that to someone who has lost someone?” Nick sighed and looked at his phone. Messages upon messages from the guys sending their condolences; it was like some kind of a pity party getting ready to set in. When Nick looked up there were two men standing there. He stood up shoving his phone into his pocket.

“Hello Mr. Carter I am detective Campbell and this is Detective Roberts. “ he said extending his hand,” I am sorry that took so long to get down here. Traffic isn’t the greatest today.”

“I understand. I am sure you weren’t expecting me for a few more hours or so. I took the first direct flight out I could find.” He said.

“This I am sure can’t be easy for you sir. I can’t promise this will be easy. “The detectives led Nick back around the corner.” We are ready” he told the nurse. She got up from her station and led them into the next room. When Nick walked in he felt uneasy about being in there. The room had nothing but metal compartments from the floor to the ceiling. They stopped by a table there was a blue sheet covering the body,” Just let us know if it is her.” The nurse slowly pulled back the sheet and exposed the body. Nick took one look and just fell completely to his knees. It was her. She was gone. Everything just kind of flashed before his eyes for a split moment. The talks on Skype, her holding the twins for the first time, getting married on the beach, and then witnessing the birth of Darren. Those were now just memories,” I know this is a lot to take in Mr. Carter, but there is one more thing. We would like to tell you this in private if you don’t mind coming down to the station.” Nick nodded his head and was silent. No words could be expressed,” If you need to take a few days just let us know, but the sooner you come down to the station the sooner we can get the investigation started.”

“I will be there,” he said,” I haven’t been back to my house yet. I still have to figure out how to tell my children.”

…………..

Nick arrived at the police station.

“I wonder what else is going on,” he thought,” I cannot wait for this nightmare of a day to be over with,” he thought a little more.

“Have a seat Mr. Carter,” the detective Campbell said. Nick sat down in the chair,” I am sure you are curious as to why we asked you down here.” Nick nodded,” Well I am sure you have been told by now that this is a murder investigation.” He paused for a moment,” Your wife was intentionally harmed. We actually have a suspect in custody. She survived the crash with only minor injuries.” Nick felt his anxiety start to rise. He wanted to know who had done this to Rayna.

“Who was it?”

“Her name was Emelyn Bryan. The hospital said she was yelling if she couldn’t have you then no one could” Nick felt his blood just start to boil. He was furious.

“How could she have done this to me,” he thought,,” Knowing I loved Rayna” Nick thought once more. He ran his fingers through his hair.

“So what happens now?” he asked.

“Well she will be evaluated. I don’t know what will exactly happen since she confessed to everything. My guess ais her lawyer will try to take out an insanity plea.” Nick leaned back into his chair. He couldn’t believe this was happening. The karma that he knew was coming was now real,” There is one more matter we have to discuss.” Nick looked at the detective Campbell with a puzzled look on his face,” She also said there is a child. You fathered her baby Lorelei. We looked up the birth certificate and you are listed. Is this true or just some crazy fan?” Nick sighed. The truth is finally coming out.

“It’s true.” He confessed,” Rayna didn’t know about the baby. I am ashamed of it. I made so many mistakes and now look where I am.”

“I know you have a lot of grieving to do Mr. Carter, but right now I have this child that needs a home.”

“Like in you want me to adopt her?” he questioned.

“Well essentially yes since you are her legal father. You will have full custody over her. If you wish not to pursue adopting her she will either go to Emelyn’s mother or go into foster care” Nick sighed. There were so many things going through his brain at that point in time,” I know there is a lot for you to still do Mr. Carter. You don’t need to decide anything today you are welcome to take a few days to think about it. I understand you and your wife have a few children of your own.” Nick let out a heavy sigh.

“I need to get home to my family right now. I will take it into consideration. I have funeral arrangements to make.” He said getting up.

“I understand Mr. Carter, but unfortunately I will need to know by the end of the week.” Nick nodded in agreement. Nick walked out to his car and just sat there. He lost his wife, but gained a child. The last thing he wanted to think about was telling the children. This was going to be such a hard task. He started the car and drove to his house. This was going to be the worst conversation of his life.

Why did she have to go So young I just don’t know why Things happen half the time Without reason, without rhyme Lovely sweet young woman Daughter, wife and mother Makes no sense to me I just have to believe

It was a rainy day in Los Angeles as the seven limos pulled up to the cemetery. Everyone was still in shock including Raya’s parents. Nick flew them in from Seattle that morning. Everything was so hard to believe. She was the one person that made him the happiest despite all the mistakes he has made in their relationship in the past. She still loved him.

She flew up to heaven On the wings of angels By the clouds, and stars And passed where no one sees And she walks with Jesus And her loved ones waiting And I know she’s saying Don’t worry about me

Nick was having her be buried next to Melissa. He never thought he would be burying her so soon. His heart ached. He wanted her to be home. He wanted her back. He knew he made many mistakes in his life. He just never thought he would be paying the price of losing his wife. He certainly vowed he’d never marry again. He just wanted to focus on his children.

Loved ones she left behind Just trying to survive And understand why Feeling so lost inside Anger shot straight at God Then asking for his love Empty with disbelief Just hoping that maybe

The kids took the news hard. They haven’t even left the master bedroom. They cuddle into Nick’s bed every night and cry. Darren doesn’t understand where his mother is and why she is never coming back. Hunter and Olivia understand but are having a hard time accepting she is gone. Madison seems to be the worst her night terrors are getting worse by the day. Even Nick can’t take it. He is so upset by the situation. He is so sad and angry at Emelyn for taking Rayna away from his family. He blames himself really but she ultimately will pay the price for what she has done.

She flew up to heaven On the wings of angels By the clouds and stars And passed where no one sees And she walks with Jesus And her loved ones waiting And I know she’s saying Don’t worry about me

Brian walked up to Nick and put his hand on his shoulder. Nick turned around and gave Brian a hug. Tears rolled down his face. Each band mate followed and gave Nick a hug. They all couldn’t believe she was gone. One minute Leighanne and Brian were planning a huge party for her arrival; and then the next minute she was gone and they were attending her funeral.

It’s hard to say goodbye Her picture in my mind They’ll always be times I cherish And I won’t cry cause A few words were said and two men started lowering her casket into the ground. It was now time to say goodbye; the final goodbye. The kids huddled under Nick’s umbrella while everyone walked by and threw red roses onto her casket. It was hard enough seeing her go into the ground but saying goodbye was even harder. All the memories he has with her are just what they are, memories. She won’t get to see the kids’ grow up like he will. She won’t get to see them get married or have children of their own. It made him sad. There was nothing he could do about it. If he could switch places with her he would. He would do anything to have her back.

She flew up to heaven On the wings of angels By the clouds and stars And passed where no one sees And she walks with Jesus And her loved ones waiting And I know she’s saying Don’t worry about me

After the service was over, and the casket was fully lowered into the ground the rain finally cleared. The sun started to shine. Nick had taken this as a sign and realized she was looking down. He knew she wouldn’t want him to be sad, but to remember the good times they had together. The grieving process had only begun and it was going to be a long road ahead of them. It was time to move forward. It was the only thing he could do.

“Fuck this,” he said,” Fuck it all. Why did she have to go?” he questioned,” We were just fine!” he exclaimed. He was mad and angry. All of his emotions were starting to unravel. He couldn’t come to terms with it. He took a deep breath and then took the papers out of the trash. When he was about to put them onto the desk his phone rang.

“Hello?”

“Hey there Nicky-roo whatcha up too?”

“Not much D, just trying to find a nanny”

“I understand that one. It took Leigh and I a while to find the right nanny. I could see if mine knows anyone who is available and qualified”

“Sure D. I’d appreciate it. I don’t know the first thing about hiring a nanny, and I sure as hell don’t think I could rely on my mother to do it for me”

“Anyway, I was calling to see if you wanted to go out to lunch or something and talk”

“Sure mom is still here for a few days or so.”

“We will be going to the BreadBar off of Santa Monica Blvd if you just want to meet me there”

“Sounds good D, I will see you in 10” Nick hung up the phone. He grabbed his wallet and keys and walked down the stairs,” Hey ma I will be back in a couple of hours. Howie wants to have lunch,”

“Don’t be too long Nick. I have to leave in a few days and you still don’t have a nanny”

“Howie may have a nanny for me so it’s practically been taken care of for me. See you soon.”

………….

Nick arrived at the bistro before Howie. He seated himself. A waitress came over to him.

“Oh my god you are Nick Carter!” she exclaimed.

“That’s me”

“Can I have your autograph?”

“Sure” Nick flashed a smile. The waitress took out a piece of paper and a pen and handed it to Nick. He signed it and handed it back to her.

“Thanks! I am so sorry to hear about your wife. All of us fans adored her.” Nick nodded,” I am sorry I shouldn’t have said anything.” Nick sighed.

“It’s ok. I am still having a hard time with it myself.”

“Can I get you anything?”

“Just water for now Howie should be walking in here any minute”

“I will be right back” As the waitress walked off Howie came into the bistro and Nick waved his arms to get his attention. Howie saw Nick and sat down across from him.

“Sorry I was late,” he said taking off his coat,” Had to help put the kids down for a nap”

“No problem D. I haven’t been sitting here long.” The waitress came back with two waters. She sat them on the table,” Thanks”

“Are you guys ready to order?”

“Give us a few minutes and I will call you over if that’s ok?” Nick asked.

“Sure thing” the waitress walked off. Howie and Nick started looking at the menu.

“So is everything going ok at the house?” Howie asked.

“Yeah everything is just fine,” he responded.” Why are you asking?’

“The guys and I were just curious. We haven’t heard from you in a few weeks. We just wanted to make sure everything was ok.”

“Everything is fine. I have everything under control. He knew in reality he didn’t. He was falling apart at home and didn’t know how to pick himself back up. Howie brought out his IPhone and brought up a picture from TMZ.

“This doesn’t look like everything is fine Nick,” he showed Nick the picture.

“It was just one night,” Nick shrugged. Howie showed him another,” Ok so there were multiple nights.”

“Nick we aren’t trying to tell you how to live your life. We know you miss Rayna but you have to stay strong for the kids. Going out like this all the time isn’t going to bring her back.” Howie said.

“You think I don’t know that D? It’s hard. I have tried everything I can think of to try and get over what has happened.”

“Partying your life away won’t solve anything either.” Howie advised,” The grieving process isn’t going to get any better with you out all the time. In fact it might make it worse.” Nick had heard enough of Howie’s “talk” he just wanted to eat.

“Can we just eat please?”

“If you need someone to talk to I am here Nick. We will always be around.”

Nick waved the waitress and she ordered their food. He couldn’t believe Howie was preaching. It almost sounded like Kevin’s old talks. He knew it was going to be hard for him to get over Rayna. It is never easy to get over a loved one. He just didn’t want to hear about it. He knew he didn’t have anything to worry about, and no one should be worried or should they?

“Dad, can we please come with you this time?” Hunter asked. Nick sighed as he set his bags down.

“I am sorry son. Not this tour. We will be traveling overseas and to a lot of different countries. Plus you still have school” Nick paused for a few seconds,” But our summer tour will be happening and I promise you can come with me the entire summer” he responded.

“But dad we don’t like the nanny. We want someone else,” Olivia whined.

“Sweetie, there isn’t much I can do right now,” he stated as he knelt down to their eye level,” Look; I know she isn’t your mother. No one can ever replace her. I know you all miss her and I miss her too. I can’t bring her back. We just have to move on” he said,” It’s been hard and nothing is going to get easier. It may get harder for all of us. I promise I will be home soon.” He wanted to take the kids so desperately, but he knew he couldn’t. With going to a few different countries and trying to keep tabs on five children and a nanny was going to be difficult enough.

“Why do the other kids get to go?”

“None of the other kids are going on this tour either. This isn’t open for a discussion Hunter.”

“It’s just that we are going to miss you dad”

“I know son. I will miss all of you too” Nick brought all the kids in for a group hug.” Promise me one thing and behave for Anita. She really likes you guys. I am sure if you just give her a chance you will like her I promise. If you guys can do this as soon as I get home we will go on a family trip someone just me and you guys and no nanny”

“Ok dad.” Nick heard a honk outside.

“Well that’s my ride kids. I love you and I will call every day. We will Skype every chance I can. Leighanne is going to come and check on things once a week or so. Just remember I do have eyes and ears all over this house so I will know everything that goes on around here. Give me one last hug” Nick pulled everyone in for one last group hug. Nick pulled away from the hug as the car honked once more. Nick grabbed his bags and out the door he went. This tour was going to be the hardest tour for him he has never left the kids with someone he didn’t know. He was confident he had made the right choice for their nanny. He put his bags into the trunk and climbed into the car. As he got settled he rolled down his window and saw the kids and Anita standing in the doorway. “I love you guys. See you real soon.” Nick waved out the window as the car drove off. He was going to miss them. This was not going to be easy on him nor would it be easy on the kids either

“Rok, what are you doing here?” Nick said quickly as he wrapped a sheet around himself.

“Coming to see why you weren’t at any of the interviews, but I can clearly see why” Brian hinted,” But we do need to talk”

“Dude, can’t you see I am a little busy?” he nudged his head towards the woman next to him.

“Yes I can certainly see this, but she needs to go now”

“She can stay” Nick retorted. Brian walked out of the room went and picked up all of the mysterious woman’s clothes and walked back into the bedroom and threw them onto the bed.

“She needs to go now!” he raised his voice slightly. The woman quickly grabbed her clothes and got quickly dressed.

“Call me!” she exclaimed as she left the room. Nick was left there butt naked and unhappy.

“Dude, what is up your ass? Couldn’t you see I was busy doing my thing?”

“Yes, I saw and I certainly hope I never see your “thing” again. I am worried about you”

“I am fine,” Nick responded.

“Clearly you are not”

“Why do you care?” Nick shot back as he got out of bed with his sheet.

“Cause you are my family Nick, my brother, my band mate, and best friend.”

“Funny how this whole family thing seems to work these days”

“Look,” Brian paused,” We all understand she is gone Nick. We are all still married and its hard. Leighanne says you haven’t called the kids in almost a week. They miss you Nick.”

“You don’t know shit Rok. You don’t know a fucking thing about what is going on right now,” Nick lashed out at Brian.

“I do understand. You don’t seem to get it Nick. A part of you is gone. You know it may never be replaced, and for the love of God please just put some fucking clothes on”

“She will never be replaced. She was my soul mate” Nick said as he put on a pair of shorts.

“The simple fact is you are showing up late to sound checks, and not coming to interviews. We are tired of making excuses for you. You need help” “No I don’t!” Nick replied. “Nick would you please quit being so fucking stubborn” Brian yelled,” You have been on this path of self-destruction for months now and you don’t even realize you are on one.”

“Bri, I don’t know what you are talking about,” Nick lied. He was caught and he knew it, but he didn’t want to admit to his wrong doings. He knew if he admitted he had another problem it meant he failed again. This was something he didn’t like dealing with.

“I am calling bullshit Nick. I see right through you Nick. I know you better than anyone in this fucking group. I know when you have been doing drugs. I know when you have been drinking too much. I know every fucking thing.” Brian snapped at Nick,” You hide your empty bottles in the cabinets and under the bed. You always put your stash by your bedside table. So don’t tell me you aren’t doing anything wrong. I have known for months. I have snuck into your room and I have seen everything Nick. I am not stupid and you cannot fool me. You may have been able to fool everyone else in the group and the fans but not me. I am the only one willing to admit that you have a fucking problem.” Brian was furious. He let out all of his anger he has been feeling towards Nick for the last few months now,” Do you have anything to say?’

“You are completely right,” Nick sighed, “I was ok at first and then it just got out of hand again,”

“We can get you help Nick you know this right?”

“I know,” he replied,” I just don’t want to let any of the fans down”

“I think they will understand. I think they would rather see you alive than dead. After all you are the favorite of all the girls,” Brian smiled,” We can get you the help for your depression, and drinking. All you have to do is say yes and it’s a done deal” Nick thought to himself for a few moments.

“ I don’t want to go Bri.” Nick said as he shook his head.

“Suit yourself Nick. I really thought I knew you, but lately I don’t even know who the hell you are anymore. The offer is still on the table if you ever want it” Brian walked out of the hotel room feeling a little disappointed. He really hoped the talk with Nick would snap him out of his funk. He had a feeling something bad was going to happen. All he wanted to do was look out for his friend. You can only help those who want to be helped.

“Am I dead?” he questioned to himself. He was scared. He didn’t know what was going on. He tried to talk but couldn’t. He then realized that maybe something was wrong with him. He tried to remember what had happened the previous night, but couldn’t. He closed his eyes again and when he opened them he saw her. He saw Rayna. Confused for a moment he blinked and there she was again. She had a little blond hair girl with her about the same age as Madison.

“Rayna?” he questioned.

“It’s me Nick.”

“Am I dead?” he asked her.

“No,” she replied.

“Then what is going on?”

“I was sent here to tell you don’t worry about anything. Don’t worry about me. I am ok and so is Melissa. We are just fine Nick. There is no need to worry anymore. You have our children to take care of now. Please go and get some help.” She said.

“I am sorry for everything” he apologized.

“Nick, please there is no need to apologize now. Just promise me you will get some help and take care of the other children. They need you more than ever now Nick. It was hard enough for them losing me and I couldn’t bare to see them to lose you. You get yourself some help and I will do the rest.” She explained.

“I love you so much Ray.”

“I love you too Nick."

Nick suddenly woke up.

“It was all a dream.” he whispered and saw Brian come walking into his room and sit down in the chair next to his bed.

“Good to see you awake bro. You had us all scared to death! I thought you were done with this? I thought you could do this on your own?”

“I am done”

“Nick do you even know what happened last night?” Nick shook his head,” You overdosed last night and you had been drinking. Your blood alcohol level was through the roof Nick. The doctors are amazed you are even alive.” He stated,” This ends now Nick. If you can’t seem to get yourself straight we are done. We can’t bear to see you like this any longer,” Nick was stubborn he knew there was a problem, but didnt want to admit to himself.

“I know,” he said,” I know” he repeated,” I’ll stop”

“You didn’t answer me though. Do you remember what happened last night? I know you shook your head but you have to possibly remember something”

“All I remember was going out with a girl. I think I went home last night and went to bed?”

“The story I was told were you brought her home. Hunter found you this morning to tell you that Lorelei and Darren were awake. When you didn’t respond he saw you weren’t breathing and called 911. Your so called “girl” is currently sitting in the next room currently recovering from an overdose as well. If Hunter hadn’t found you; you would have been dead. Is this what you wanted Nick? Did you think if you destructed enough you would be with Rayna?”

“That isn’t fair to say Brian,”

“That is all you seem to think about. I know I sound like a freaking broken record but we understand Nick. I thought when we had this talk a month ago that maybe it got through to you, but evidently it didn’t. We have decided to postponed the summer tour by a month until you can get well.”

“Rok, there is no need to do that. I can get better by then I promise,” he pleaded.

“It has already been done Nick. There is no longer a choice in this. The other guys agreed.

“I am not a child Brian”

“Well this isn’t open for a discussion. Rochelle is gonna take care of the kids with the help of Anita: Nick was upset. This was his fault he knew if he had just taken the help the first time he wouldn’t be in this mess.

“Fine,” he said,” How long will I be gone and do the fans know?”

“Sixty days and all they know is a family emergency popped up. As far as the girl knows she got another story. We are really tired of covering your ass”

“I am sorry” he apologized,” I am sorry for everything. I let it get out of hand again another one of my famous fuck ups”

“You are still grieving Nick. You never got a real chance to do so. All we did was tour we should have postponed that tour as well”

“We were just doing our job Rok”

“We need a vacation. How about after this tour we all take a much needed family vacation.” Nick smiled.

“I like that idea very much”

“I am sorry I can’t stay though. I have to get back home. I will be back later to come and pick you up and take you to rehab later this evening. "Brian leaned in and gave Nick a hug.

“Thanks bro, you know for always having my back even though I am a stubborn pain in the ass most of the time.”

“You’re welcome Frack” Brian smiled. Nick watched Brian walk out of the room. He couldn’t believe he had gotten himself into another mess. He was just thankful that he was saved once more. He vowed to himself he would stay away from it all. No more drinking, drugs or going out. He was just going to focus on the group and his children.

“Hey Ray,” he began,” Sorry it has been so long since I have been around. Things have been kind of crazy,” he spoke softly,” The kids and I miss you so much. They are adjusting the best that they can. Hunter and Olivia are doing well in their new school. All those lessons you gave to Maddy have paid off. Her pre-school teacher is quite impressed.” Nick sat on the ground with his knees in front of him,” Darren is going well too. He talks about you all the time. He certainly misses you,” Nick paused or a moment,” I have seen better days. My therapist says I have a long road ahead of myself but I should be back to normal soon. I am finally starting to sleep at night so I guess that’s a good sign.” Nick was lost for words,” I also went to Emelyn’s trail a few weeks ago. She pled out an insanity deal so he only got 20 years with the possibility of parole in 12 years. I thought it was kind of bullshit but I couldn’t do anything about it. The DEA said they had a feeling she was going to do it.” Nick pondered for a few moments trying to think of any new news,” Oh, Leighanne and Brian had two healthy babies a couple of months ago. They were kind of early I guess. They had one boy and one girl Eli and Eden. Brian calls me every night to complain. I find it quite amusing,” he chuckled and then looked at his watch.” I am sorry this was so short Ray,” he said getting up,” Anita is probably wondering where I am, and don’t worry she is just the nanny. The kids still don’t like her so she probably won’t last long anyhow.” After pausing for a few more moments tears started to roll down his cheek,” I just want you to know that we miss you very much and that I love you and will always love you,” Nick kissed her headstone and started heading back towards the car. A sudden gust of wind picked up. He took it as he was feeling Rayna’s presence. Nick smiled knowing that Rayna was still very much alive in his memories and in his heart. She left a permanent stain in his mind that would never go away.