Dark Times in Still Waters
Prologue
By Dottie
Copyright 2013

She slowly opens her eyes. The bright lights of the hospital emergency treatment room send stabbing pain through her temples. She groans, shutting her eyes quickly. From her side, she hears. “Just lie still. Try not to open your eyes right now.”

She opens her mouth to ask what happened but she finds she can’t speak. She starts to thrash around, scared and confused. Strong hands grip her shoulders. A soft voice says, “It’s ok, just lie still. You’ve been injured. You’re at the St. Joseph Medical Center. My name is Amy Hurley, I’m your nurse. Now lie still.” She slowly lifts her hand to her face. Nurse Hurley grabs it. “No, Teagan, you can’t touch your face now. Just lie still.”

She starts to cry. From the doorway, Teagan hears a familiar voice. “Teagan? Teagan, are you ok?” It’s her best friend Natalie. She reaches out, comforted when her friend takes her hand. “Teagan, you have to lie still and let them help you.” It’s deathly quiet for a minute.

Yet another voice, a man, says, “Miss Michaels, I’m Dr. Shaw. I know things are confusing right now, we’re going to try to answer all your questions, but we need to get you up to surgery soon. Your friend, Miss Byron, will be here when you come out and we’ll tell you more then. Right now, all you need to know is you’re an innocent victim of a shooting.”

Teagan starts to shake her head, not believing what she’s hearing. Strong hands hold her head still. “No, Miss Michaels, you can’t move. The bullet…is…well, it’s in your head. You’re not in any danger at this point, but we need to take it out.”

Again Teagan lifts her hand; this time she makes it to touch her throat. He gently takes her hand and says, “The bullet entered your throat and traveled upward. Miss Michaels and you’re going to be fine. Once we get the bullet out and assess the damage to your vocal chords, we’ll tell you more. For now, you need to lie as still as possible.”

She feels Natalie rubbing her arm. “Teagan, you’ll be ok. I’ll be here when you come out, I promise. Just stay calm.”

Teagan feels her consciousness drifting away. From a distance she hears Dr. Shaw. “She’s going under. Let’s get her up to surgery and get that bullet out.”

Dark Times in Still Waters
Chapter 1
By Dottie
Copyright 2013

“Teagan Mia Michaels, you’re just being silly!”

Natalie Byron is doing everything she can to make Teagan change her mind about the cruise. So far, it’s not working.

“Nat, look at me! I’m a fucking monster! I can’t go like this!” Teagan is neck deep in self pity following the shooting at her school almost two months ago. No one knows why the man came to the school and opened fire. He was shot and killed. There were a lot of minor wounds and one major one. Teagan. And she was lucky. The shot was a ricochet. It was a fluke she was hit.

The way the story goes, a man in his early twenties came to the school, claiming he had a flat tire and a dead cell phone. Asked if he could use a phone to call a friend. He seemed harmless. Once on school grounds, he pulled out a gun and started firing. In the end, sixteen people were hit, but none were fatally wounded.

When Teagan had woken up at the hospital, she was told the bullet had ricocheted off the floor and entered her neck, traveling up to lodge next to her skull. She didn’t have any brain damage, but her vocal chords took a beating. And the scars. Scars on her neck and the side of her face where the bullet was removed. She might can have plastic surgery in a few weeks to minimize the scars, but that doesn’t help her now. The cruise starts in ten days.

Natalie grabs her friend by the shoulders. “You are NOT a monster Teag, so stop it! You’re going on this cruise whether you like it or not. It’s just what you need. Five days of sun, sand and fun with the Backstreet Boys. What could be better?”

Teagan brushes angry tears from her face. “Nat, do you think I want to meet them looking like this? There is no fucking way I’m meeting Nick Carter for the first time looking like an extra for his horror movie. Forget it!”

Natalie screams in frustration. “For the love of…Teagan, would you stop looking at yourself and seeing just those scars? It’s not that bad.”

Teagan turns away. “It’s a million times worse. Listen to me…I can’t even talk normally! Why are you nagging me about this?”

Natalie steps around Teagan to face her. “Several reasons. One, we both need this. Two, we can’t get a refund, and most importantly, IT’S THE BACKSTREET BOYS! Stop being such a ninny.”

Teagan sits down, seemingly defeated. She lets her tears fall. “Nat, I can’t stand people staring…and it’s going to be so crowded…and Nick…I can’t meet him like this.”

Natalie sits down and puts her arm around Teagan’s shoulder. “Listen, we both know that looks don’t mean shit to BSB. They love all their fans. Even if you have a couple of scars, Teagan you’re still beautiful. You’ve always been beautiful, inside and out. You can’t let what happened rob you of your life.”

Teagan sighs, sensing defeat. “But Nat, the other fans…I don’t want to be the center of a pity party or a laughing fest.”

Natalie groans. “You don’t have to be. Teag, listen. We’ve been friends a long time. I feel like I can give it to you straight. Yes, I feel sorry for you, and others will, but only because it happened to you. NOT because of how you look. You’re a victim. And trust me, if anyone laughs at you, I’ll stomp a mud hole in their ass. So what do you say? Come get crazy with me aboard the Imagination? Please don’t make me go alone.”

Teagan feels guilty. So guilty. Natalie has stood by her through it all. She can’t ruin this trip for her friend. She nods slowly. “OK. I’ll go. But only because I owe it to you.”

Natalie hugs her. “I don’t want you to do it for me Teag. I want you to do it for yourself. This trip is just what you need to get back into life. I promise…it will be the trip of a lifetime!”


True to her word, ten days later Teagan is staring out her hotel window. From here, she can see the marina, and more importantly, the ship. The cruise is going to be a short, whirlwind of activity. The itinerary leaves no room for leisure time. Teagan feels a little excited now that it’s getting close to boarding time. Excited and scared stiff.

Once she had made the decision to go, she couldn’t stop feeling anxious. She knows she’s doing the right thing, simply because she does owe Natalie so much. And Natalie is right; the Backstreet Boys have a rep for loving all their fans, regardless of size, skin color or physical deformity.

Teagan’s excitement wanes a little. How will she ever be able to stand face to face with Nick Carter without feeling like a monster? She shakes her head quickly to push out that thought.

The bathroom door opens and Natalie comes out wrapped in a towel. “Teag, you’re supposed to be getting dressed, not daydreaming about Mr. Hot ‘n Sexy.”

A rare and unexpected giggle erupts from Teagan at the sound of their pet name for Nick. “Yes, yes, I’m getting ready.” Teagan chose a tropical flower print dress for boarding. One of the main reasons she likes it is that the matching scarf can be used to hide the scars on her neck. She grimaces. She can’t do anything about the scar on her face. The best she can hope is leaving her long, wavy hair down and styling it to fall across her face.

Once she’s dressed, she eyes herself critically. Maybe it won’t be so bad. She puts on the briefest hint of eye shadow and is putting on a light coat of lipstick when Natalie comes back out of the bathroom wearing a one piece, white romper.

Natalie takes one look at her friend and exclaims, “Teag! You look absolutely adorable!”

Teagan blushes. “That romper looks good on you, Nat. You can wear anything, can’t you?”

Natalie shrugs. “I don’t know about that, but this is just what I want to get angelic Brian to notice my ample assets.”

Teagan can’t stop the giggles that spring forth. Natalie has loved Brian forever and now that he’s single, she’s determined to see if he really is a ‘boob-man’. Her giggles fade and Teagan whispers softly, "Nat, I'm so scared. What if this is a mistake?"

Natalie takes her hand and pulls her down on the bed. "Teagan, I understand why you're scared. I do. But I don't want you to hide away from the world because of this. I know it's hard and there probably will be those who make snide comments, but you can't let them get to you. Only small, petty people use other's misfortunes to build themselves up. They do it because they have no self-worth. You do. You just have to keep reminding yourself that you're unique. You're beautiful. And no matter what happened to cause the scars, you are still Teagan."

Teagan sniffles, hugging Natalie's neck tightly. "I couldn't do this without you. I'm just not strong enough."

Natalie has tears of her own falling. "Teag, you're strong enough to teach...you can do this without me. But you don't have to. I'll be right by your side."

Teagan leans back. When her eyes meet Natalie's she whispers, "Thanks Friend."


An hour later, the bellboy has taken their bags down to the lobby and they are heading out. Teagan is anxious and Natalie knows it. She links her arm with her friend. "Come on Teag. Let's go have some fun."

Teagan feels eyes on her as they walk through the lobby. She starts to lower her head. Natalie squeezes her arm. "Keep that head up Teag. Don't let them beat you. Show 'em what you're made of."

Teagan feels her heart swell with love for her friend. Every time she would start feeling low, Natalie would play the song trying to cheer her up. Teagan let her think it worked, but it really only sent her deeper into despair. She knew Natalie meant well but sometimes, deep down, she wishes that bullet had taken a different track. She'd rather be dead than be looked at as a monster.

On the shuttle to the ship, excitement runs rampant. Teagan stays quiet, hoping she's overlooked, but as they get off the shuttle at the dock, one girl steps up. "What in the world happened to you?"

Teagan keeps her eyes down. "An accident."

The girl whistles, turning away. "You're braver than me. I wouldn't leave the house like that."

As she walks away, another girl steps up. "What a bitch! Don't listen to her, there's absolutely nothing for you to worry about."

Natalie is standing close by. "She's right you know. That bitch is the small person. There's absolutely nothing for you to worry about."

Teagan forces a smile. "I'm ok. Let's go."

As they board the ship, Teagan can feel eyes on her. She hears the remarks. Among the more descriptive words she hears, hideous comes up more than most. Every step she takes she sinks deeper and deeper into shame.

When they reach the corridor where they cabin is, Teagan is shaking. Natalie heard it too and she's under a full head of steam when they reach their cabin. As the door shuts, she hisses, "Those stupid bitches!"

Teagan bites off a sob. "I shouldn't be here. I knew it would be like this. Why couldn't I have just DIED?"

She runs into the bathroom, slamming the door and locking it. Natalie beats on the door. "Teagan! Teagan, open this door! NOW!"

Teagan sits in the floor by the bathtub sobbing hysterically. She screams, "GO AWAY! JUST GO AWAY!"

Natalie bangs her fist on the door one more time, sobbing. "I'm sorry Teagan. I'm so sorry."

Dark Times in Still Waters
Chapter 2
By Dottie
Copyright 2013

Natalie tries for hours to get Teagan to come out, but she won’t. She finally gives up when the mandatory boat drill compels her from the room up to the deck. When she gets back, she finds Teagan sitting on the bed staring at the port hole. She sits beside her and whispers, “Teag, I’m so sorry.”

Teagan pulls her tear stained gaze from the departing dock and stares at her friend. “I shouldn’t have come. It’s not fair to ruin this for you.”

Natalie hugs her friend, crying. “This wouldn’t be fun for me without you, Teag. I just can’t believe how petty these people really are. I never…I thought…”

Teagan shakes her head. “Don’t.”

Natalie sits back, holding Teagan’s hands in her own. “Please tell me you didn’t mean what you said. Please, don’t ever wish you were dead.”

Teagan shivers. “Nat, I just can’t deal with it. I can’t even teach anymore.”

Natalie’s face pales. “What do you mean?”

Teagan stands, pacing the small, enclosed space. “I’m a music teacher Nat. How can I teach pitch when my voice is shot.” Her choice of words causes her to stop and lower her head, sobbing. “Shot. Why did it have to be me? Why did he have to come to OUR school and do this? What did I do to him?”

Natalie wants to comfort her friend, but she doesn’t know how. “You didn’t do anything Sweetie. He was unstable. His family knew it. They tried to get help for him. He was just sick.”

Teagan brushes her hair back off her face. “I just can’t deal with it Nat. I wasn’t the only one hurt I know, but…I’m the only one…”

Natalie stands and confronts Teagan, grabbing her shoulders. “It wasn’t about you, Teag. It wasn’t! I don’t know why it happened…I can’t even begin to guess. No one can. You’re alive for a reason, Teagan. God kept you here…”

Teagan snorts, shoving her friend away. “God? Why would God do this to me? What does it prove? I can walk through life as a monster to scare little kids? My students are AFRAID of me Nat. They won’t even look at me! God… where was God when I begged him to let me die?”

Natalie gasps praying her friend doesn’t mean it. “Don’t say that, Teagan. Don’t you fucking DARE say you want to die again! I mean it!”

Teagan whirls on her friend. “But I do, Natalie. I do want to die. I want this to end!”

She storms into the bathroom, slamming the door. Teagan slides down the door to the floor sobbing. From the overhead P.A. system she hears the announcement that the Sail Away party is starting. She bows her head to her knees and screams, “WHY ME?”


Anger and fear catapult Natalie into action. She’s so mad about how Teagan has been treated. After years of being a Backstreet Boys fan, she thought the fans were like a family, even to strangers. Some family.

She stalks to the mirror and fixes her face. Time to let the Backstreet Boys know just how ‘wonderful’ their fans are. She goes back to the bathroom door. “Teagan? Teagan, I’ll be back soon. I’m going to fix this. I swear I will. I love you. I’ll be back soon.”

Teagan hears her words but doesn’t care. She curls up against the door and closes her eyes. She’s so tired. She just wants to go to sleep and never wake up.


When Natalie makes it to the Lido deck, the party is in full swing. She skirts the crowd, trying to find a way to get close to the Backstreet Boys, but apparently these people don’t believe in giving everyone a chance to get close.

She pulls out her itinerary and checks it. The games start at 6:30 and she’s in the first group. She decides to bide her time until then. If she has to, she’ll make a scene to end all scenes to get noticed, but she’s determined she WILL be noticed. And she will speak her peace. She owes it to Teagan.

By the time the game show is underway, she’s managed to garner a position close to the stage. Jenn is once again acting as emcee and Natalie manages to get her attention while the boys are bickering amongst themselves about a question. When Jenn stoops down to talk to Natalie, she can tell the woman is clearly distraught. “What’s the matter Hon? Is someone sick?”

Natalie shakes her head. “No, she’s suicidal and I don’t think I can keep her from trying something. I need your help.” She points to the Backstreet Boys. “I need their help.”

Jenn can see she’s serious. “OK, after the show, we’ll talk…”

Natalie shakes her head. “No. I want everyone here to hear what I have to say. Most of them are to blame anyway.”

Jenn is so confused. “OK, so explain it to me first.”

In a few short sentences, Natalie explains what happened when they got to the ship. By the time she’s finished, tears are falling down her face and Jenn is pale as a ghost. “What caused your friend’s scars?”

Natalie shakes her head. “It doesn’t matter. I convinced her to come on this cruise because she’s shutting herself off from the world. I always thought the BSB fans were like a family. Some family, they call her hideous and make her feel like she never should show her face in public. It’s sad and it’s wrong.”

Jenn nods. “I’m going to give you a chance to speak your peace. I know the guys would want me too, but I think I should tell them what’s going on first.”

Natalie shakes her head. “No. No, they hear what I have to say when everyone else here hears it.”

Jenn nods slowly. Howie walks over to them. “Jenn, what’s the hold up?” He sees Natalie’s been crying and he steps closer. “What’s wrong?”

Jenn turns to Howie. “She has something to say to everyone here. And I think it’s really important to let her. Tell the guys to quiet the crowd down.”

Howie nods, spurred into action by the fear on both women’s faces. “You got it.”

He walks away. Jenn leads Natalie to the middle of the stage to wait. Kevin steps forward holding up his hand. The fans cheer louder. He grabs the microphone from Jenn. “Hold on everyone, quiet down. This is important.”

As the room silences, he hands the microphone back to Jenn. She faces the crowd. “I know this is unexpected, but there’s someone here who needs to say something to all of you and to the boys. Please, be quiet and listen. It’s very important.”

The room falls into complete silence as Natalie takes the microphone. “I don’t know how many of you saw me come on the ship with my friend. I honestly don’t think any of you saw ME, but I’m sure most of you saw her. You sure commented enough about how hideous she is and how she should be ashamed coming out into public as scarred as she is. NONE of you know what happened…very few bothered to ask.” She turns to the Backstreet Boys. “Until today, I thought we, as fans, were part of a family that was loving and understanding and accepting. Because all of you are.” Turning back to the crowd. “But all of you…you’re petty and small and you’ve managed to break an already fragile spirit. My friend is in our cabin wanting to die because of all of you.” Turning back to the guys, tears flowing freely, she says, “I’ll always be a fan…but I’m ashamed to be part of THIS!” She hands the microphone back to Jenn and begins to walk away.

Nick steps forward, grabbing her arm. “Wait a minute, hold on. Are you for real? She really said…”

Natalie nods furiously. “Yes, she said she wants to die.”

Brian comes closer. “What the hell is going on?”

Natalie sighs. “I have to get back to her.”

AJ takes Natalie’s arm. “Not without me you’re not.”

Kevin nods. “We’ll all go.”

Nick gets the microphone and faces the crowd. “We don’t know everything that’s going on, but if what she says is true…” He shakes his head.

The crowd is deathly quiet. One girl pushes to the front. “What about the game?”

Howie seems disgusted. “We’re talking about a woman’s life. If this…game…is all you’re worried about, maybe she’s right. Maybe this isn’t our family after all.”

Natalie is led off the stage by AJ with the other guys following close behind. “Where’s your cabin?”

Natalie stops to think. “Deck 5. M209.”

The security guards make a wall and lead the way, Natalie following with the Backstreet Boys. When they reach the cabin, they go inside. Natalie goes to the bathroom door, praying Teagan hasn’t already done something stupid. “Teag, it’s me. Open the door.”

From the other side, Teagan calls out softly. “Go away Nat. I’m not going to do anything stupid. Just leave me alone.”

Natalie puts her head against the door. “Teagan, please, just let me in.”

Kevin steps up behind Natalie and puts his hand on her shoulder. Natalie steps back and Brian slides his arm around her shoulder, hugging her. Kevin stands next to the door and calls out softly, “Teagan, this is Kevin Richardson. Please open the door. Your friend is terrified and frankly so are we.”

Teagan lifts her head, shocked. “Why are you here?”

Kevin keeps his voice soft and soothing. “Natalie came to us. Please, just come out.”

Teagan starts to tremble. “Please go away.”

Nick starts to step forward. Natalie grabs his arm and whispers, “No…if she knows you’re here she won’t come out at all.”

He seems confused. Brian nudges him. “You’re her favorite.”

Nick blushes as Natalie nods. Kevin tries again. “Teagan, if you won’t come out, can I at least come in and talk to you? Please?”

Teagan knows he won’t go away. She can tell from his tone of voice and he has a reputation for being stubborn. She stands stiffly and flips the lock on the door. Keeping her back to the door she calls out softly, “It’s open.”

Dark Times in Still Waters
Chapter 3
By Dottie
Copyright 2013

Kevin cautiously opens the bathroom door. He moves slowly until he's standing behind Teagan. Her shoulders are slumped and he can tell she's still crying. He looks to the mirror, but her hair is covering most of her face. Gently, he places his hand on her arm. "Teagan?"

She tenses up. "Why did you come here? You wanted to see the monster too?"

He rubs her arm gently. "You're far from being a monster. We're here because Natalie was so afraid for you."

She sniffles. "Please go away."

He steps right up behind her. Standing a head taller than her, it's easy for him to put his chin on top of her head. "I'm not leaving until I'm sure you're ok." She sighs shakily. "Look at me Teagan."

She trembles violently. "NO!"

Her scream causes everyone in the cabin to jump. Natalie gasps, her hand flying up to cover her lips. Brian holds her tighter. She's staring at the bathroom door afraid that no one will be able to talk Teagan off this ledge.

Kevin slides his arms around her, holding her tightly. "Teagan, you need to calm down." When she tries to pull away, his grip tightens. "I'm not letting you go, so stop struggling and listen to me."

She slumps in his arms and looks down at his hands on her stomach. "Why? Why do you even care? You don't know me."

With his cheek resting on top of her head, he whispers, "I know enough to know you're hurting. I know enough to know people on this ship hurt you badly and they were wrong. They were so wrong. Now will you please just come out here and talk to us?"

She starts to pull away from him, but stress of the day and sheer exhaustion consumes her. She collapses in his arms, fainting dead away.


When Teagan slowly opens her eyes, she finds herself face to face with Kevin Richardson. She blushes and starts to panic, trying to pull away. He puts his hands on her shoulders and gently holds her down. "Just lay still Teagan. We're going to talk."

She shakes her head, turning away. "Please go away."

He reaches for her chin and brings her gaze back to his. "I might be a good old boy and my Mama taught me to always do as a lady asks, but Sweetheart, I'm not leaving until I know you're ok."

His smile makes her heart flutter. "I'm fine. Now will you go?"

He shakes his head. "Nope. You're stuck with me."

Teagan looks around the room. "Where's Natalie?"

Kevin sits up. "She went with the fellas to finish the game."

She rolls her eyes. "Oh God, I'm so sorry..."

He chuckles, taking her hand. "Why? This isn't your fault." When she closes her eyes, he whispers softly, "Teagan, what happened to you?"

Her eyes fly open. "I figured Nat..."

He shakes his head. "No, because she's right about one thing; what happened to you doesn't matter. It's obvious it was traumatic. But it doesn't matter if you don't want to tell me."

She sits up, pulling her knees to her chest. He sits down beside her, watching as she turns her face away to limit his exposure to her scars. He scoots closer to her and puts his chin on her knees. When she glances at him, he smiles. "You can hide from everyone else on this ship, but I won't let you hide from me. You're too pretty."

She blushes. "You don't have to..."

He winks. "I'm always honest, Miss Teagan...what's your last name?"

She can't imagine what makes him so interested in her. "Michaels. Teagan Michaels."

He sits up. "Very pretty. So Miss Michaels, will you tell me your story? Please?"

Her heart aches. "Did you hear about the school shooting in Pennsylvania at the beginning of the school year?"

Shock and sympathy fill his eyes. "I did. You mean...?"

She nods. "Yeah."

He whistles. "Teagan, I'm so sorry. I can't imagine..."

She shakes her head. "No one can unless they're freaks like me."

He growls softly. "Darlin, you are not a freak. You're a victim. You aren't to blame and no matter what anyone may say, you are a beautiful Lady."

She rolls her eyes. "I'm not blind, Kevin. I can see exactly what I am."

He scoots closer, grabbing her arms. "Obviously you do have problems with your eyesight if you can't see past those scars. From what Natalie said, in a few weeks you can have plastic surgery and the scars will be gone. But do you think that's really going to change the way you're feeling about yourself right now?" She doesn't say anything. He continues softly. "Teagan, if you let what others say get to you, it will completely eat you up inside. The people that know you...the ones that matter...they will always be by your side."

Teagan finds herself wanting to believe him, but she's so self conscious, she shakes her head. "How can you say that? I'm so...hideous...I can't even stand to look at myself."

He cups her face with his hands and whispered sharply, "You are NOT hideous."

She pulls away from him. "Like you said before, you're a good old boy...a country gentleman. You're not going to make me believe you truly think I'm beautiful. That's just crazy. Ask all your fans, they'll tell you."

He stands up, pulling her to her feet. "Come here Teagan."

He pulls her to the mirror and stands behind her. "Now, do you know what I see?"

She sighs, closing her eyes. "You see a monster; you're just too nice to say it."

He leans closer, putting his face next to hers. "Open your eyes, Teagan, and I'll tell you what I see." When she opens her eyes, he whispers, "I see beautiful blue eyes that are full of sadness. I see creamy white skin, and silky brown hair." When she closes her eyes, he whispers, "Teagan, I see the scars, but they don't matter to me. Any man worth his salt would be honored to have you on his arm. And I'll prove it to you. Get dressed. You're going to be my date for dinner."

Her eyes fly open. "No. No, I can't..."

He spins her around and cups her face. "Yes you can. Because you're strong...and if you can't be strong on your own, you can lean on me, ok?"

She searches his face. "Kevin, please don't ask me..."

He smiles. "But I am. I want the prettiest girl on the boat to go to dinner with me. That's you. Now, I'm going to go get dressed and I'll be back in half an hour for you. The rest of the guys want to meet you. And Nick is going to be SO jealous that you’re my date." He kisses her scarred cheek softly. "Half an hour."

After he leaves, Teagan feels completely shell shocked. She stares at the door trying to figure out what just happened. And why? Before she can form a coherent thought, Natalie comes barging in. “Teag! Are you ok? You scared the daylights out of me!”

Teagan snaps from her reverie. “WHY DID YOU BRING THEM HERE?”

Natalie gasps at the venom in her friend’s voice. “Because you scared the living shit out of me when you said you wanted to die!”

Teagan feels her anger deflate. She whispers softly, “Nat, I’m so sorry.”

Natalie sweeps her into a fierce hug. “Teag, I’m so sorry I made you come. I just didn’t think they would be like…this…the fans I mean.”

Teagan feels safe with her friend there. She pulls back slowly. “So what did you do?”

Natalie chews on her lip. “I sort of let loose on the whole fucking ship.”

Teagan gasps loudly. “Nat, what did you DO?”

Natalie sits down and says, “Went to the game show and sort of took it over. I told them all exactly what I thought of them. It felt good too.”

Teagan is stunned…then she starts laughing. Natalie looks up; panicking when she sees her friend is both laughing and sobbing at the same time. Jumping up, she grabs her shoulders. “Teag, what’s wrong? Teagan?

Teagan shakes her head. “Nat, he wants me to go to dinner with him. I can’t! I just can’t! They’ll all be staring at him…staring at me. Oh God, why did I agree to come on this stupid cruise?”

Teagan bolts for the door, but Natalie grabs her. “Teag, stop it. Calm down.”

Teagan jerks away, panic enveloping her. “NO! I won’t go and he can’t make me go! You can’t make me go! Leave me alone! Can’t you all just leave me the fuck alone?”

She runs into the hallway, bumping into a steward carrying a stack of towels. Teagan jumps back. “I’m sorry!”

The young woman sees how distraught Teagan is and she leaves the towels. “It’s ok, don’t worry about it. Are you ok Miss? Do you need anything?”

Teagan shakes her head. “I need the floor to open up and swallow me. I can’t do this. I can’t…”

They young steward is scared. Natalie opens the door, watching in horror as Teagan collapses on the floor sobbing. Rushing to her friend, she looks at the steward and asks, “Do you have an infirmary on board?”

The steward nods. “Of course, I’ll help you.”

Between the two of them, they manage to get Teagan to the infirmary. While they discuss what happened with the doctor on board, Teagan gets control of her wits. Looking around she spies a door. Slipping off the bed, she manages to get through it unnoticed and finds herself in a service access hallway. Thankfully it’s empty so she runs.

Several minutes later she finds herself back on her deck. When she finds the corridor her cabin is on, she sees Kevin knocking at the door. Silently gasping in fear, she runs back down the hallway to a janitor’s closet and slips in. She sits quietly in the dark and waits.

Dark Times in Still Waters
Chapter 4
By Dottie
Copyright 2013

Natalie turns the corner to find Kevin knocking on the cabin door. "Kevin, is she here?"

He turns, shaking his head. "I've been knocking for five minutes. What's wrong?"

Natalie cries. "She totally flipped out. I never should have talked her into this cruise. She's so upset."

Kevin reaches out and takes her hand. "Where is she now?"

Natalie shakes her head. "I don't know. She collapsed and a steward helped me take her to the infirmary. We turned our backs for thirty seconds and she disappeared. Oh what am I going to do? I'll never forgive myself if anything happens to her!"

Kevin puts his arm around her. "Don't worry, we'll find her. Nothing's going to happen to her. Why don't you wait here in case she comes back? I'll go get some help to look for her."

Natalie opens the door and then turns to Kevin. "Maybe you shouldn't Kevin."

He looks confused. "Why?"

Tears slide down her face. "If we keep pushing and pushing we might drive her over the edge. Just...let me look for her. Maybe when she calms down..."

He nods slowly. "Maybe I shouldn't have pushed her into going to dinner."

Natalie leans on the door jam. "Kevin, I just don't understand how they could be so cruel. Teag and I have been fans forever and it's always seemed like the fans are as accepting as you guys. How could they be so...mean?"

He shakes his head slowly. "I don't know. I was stunned when you made your speech at the game show. I couldn't believe what you were saying until I started looking at the crowd. Their faces were filled with shame."

Natalie feels angered. "You know, being teachers, we see a lot of bullying. But it's kids. This is adults that are supposed to know better."

Kevin folds his arms and leans against the wall. "Natalie, what happened to her? I mean, she told me about the shooting but..."

Natalie sighs. "No one knows why the guy came into the school shooting. It happened the first week. He wasn't aiming, just firing. Most of the injuries were minor, but Teagan..." Her voice cuts off with a sob. He puts his hand out and takes hers. She takes a deep breath. "A bullet ricocheted and went up through her neck and lodged near her skull. If it hadn't been a ricochet, she probably would have died."

Sadness washes over him. "I...I don't know what to say."

Natalie leans her head over and rests it on the wall. "Kevin, I don't know what to do. She can't teach now like she used to..."

He cuts her off. "Why not?"

Natalie seems surprised by his question. "Her vocal chords are too severely damaged." His confused look prompts her to continue. "She's a music teacher."

His mouth drops open in shock. "Oh dear God no!"

Natalie nods sadly. "Her voice...her face...the younger kids were upset. She thinks it's because she's scarred. She thinks they are afraid when all it really is...they are so sad. She's such a special teacher. The kids love her and now that she thinks she can't...it makes them sad. She sees it as them being afraid of her."

Kevin closes his eyes. "She's suffered so much and then comes here..."

Natalie sighs. "She came because I cajoled her into it. She thought she owed it to me to come on the cruise. I shouldn't have made her come..."

He steps closer to her and pulls her into his arms, hugging her gently. "Natalie I'm so sorry about what she's been through. I really am. It breaks my heart. But I'll never be sorry you're here. I’ll help you take care of Teagan. I promise."


Teagan spends a good hour sitting on an overturned bucket in the closet trying to figure out a way off the ship. Or at least a way to hide until they get back to Miami. Suddenly she realizes how quiet the corridor is. She slips out, heading for her cabin. She rounds the corner and comes face to face with two girls heading for dinner.

Dropping her head, she scoots by them, barely murmuring, “Excuse me.”

One of the girls stops her. “Hey wait.” Teagan stops but she doesn’t look up. The girl steps closer. “I didn’t see you earlier but…I’m sorry about how you were treated. That’s just wrong.”

Teagan sighs. “Don’t worry about it.”

The other girl steps closer and timidly says, “I’m sorry too.”

The tone of her voice tells Teagan she’s one of the ones that DID say something. With tears in her eyes, she looks up. “Why did you find it so easy to call me names? You don’t even know what happened to me!”

The girl has tears in her eyes. “I don’t know. I just…I’m stupid. I was listening to everyone else and was trying to fit in.”

Teagan sighs. “It doesn’t matter.”

The girl grabs Teagan’s hand. “But it does! I never thought you could hear us, and even if you couldn’t…we were wrong. I mean it, I’m really sorry.”

Teagan can tell she means it. Pulling away her hand she whispers, “Thanks.”

She slips into her room, closing the door with a soft click. From the bathroom, Natalie calls out, “Teag, is that you?”

Teagan sits on her bed. “Yeah.”

Natalie comes out, dropping down beside her and enveloping her in a giant bear hug. “I’m so sorry! Please forgive me for making you come.”

Teagan sighs, pushing her away. Taking Natalie’s hand, she whispers, “You didn’t make me. I really did want to come. I just didn’t expect them to be so…”

Natalie nods. “Mean. I swear Teagan I thought this would be the one place where you would be able to loosen up. I never dreamed…”

Teagan manages to smile. “Nat, I’m not mad at you. But I don’t want…I just want to stay in the cabin until we get back to Miami. Please tell me you understand.”

Natalie nods slowly. “I do. But Teag…the Backstreet Boys…they want to meet you. All of them. And Kevin…he’s a basket case with worry. Will you talk to him? To them?”

Teagan shakes with fear. “I don’t know Nat. I just don’t know if I can handle it.”

Natalie smiles, brushing back her friend’s hair. “No one’s going to push you. Just think about it, ok?”

Teagan nods. “I’m so tired. I just want to sleep.”

Natalie hugs her friend. “Then sleep. I’m going to find Kevin and tell him you’re ok.”

A blushing Teagan nods. “Tell him I’m sorry.”

Natalie nods, standing up. “You sure you’re ok?”

Teagan nods tiredly. “I’m just tired. Go have a good time, ok?”

Natalie nods. “I won’t be gone long. Just going to tell Kevin you’re ok.”

Teagan stands. “Nat, don’t take this the wrong way, but I really just want to be alone for a while. Enjoy yourself. Have a drink on me. I’ll be ok. I promise.”

Natalie hugs her tightly. “I do love you Teag. And everything’s going to be ok.”

Teagan nods, letting the tears pool in her eyes but not letting them fall. “I know Nat. I love you too. Now go have fun.”

After Natalie leaves, Teagan changes into her pajamas. She sits cross-legged on the bed and takes out her journal. She hasn’t written since the day of the shooting. Maybe it’s time to get these things off her chest.


Six pages later, Teagan is startled by a knock at the door. Figuring it’s just fan craziness because of the noise in the hallway, she ignores it. Until it happens again. Standing up, she moves to the door and opens it slowly, just a little, peeking out to see Kevin.

His smile is infectious. “Can we talk?”

She sighs, stepping back so he can come in. Once the door is closed, she moves back to the bed to resume her position, unaware she’s giving him quite a show up the leg of her pajama shorts. “Didn’t Natalie tell you I’m ok?”

He nods, moving to sit at the foot of the bed. “She did. But I had to see for myself.”

She nods, keeping her gaze down. “Well, now you see.”

He scoots closer. “No I don’t. You won’t look at me.”

She sighs shakily. “Kevin just stop…”

He reaches out and slides his hand through the hair hanging over her face. Pushing it back, he pulls her gaze up to his. “If you truly want me to go, I will, but Teagan, it’s not good for you to be alone.”

His eyes are full of worry. She pats her journal. “I’m not alone. I have my trusted friend here listening to all my problems. I’ll be ok.”

He scoots even closer, lifting the journal and laying it aside. “That’s not the same thing and you know it. Please, come to the party for a little while? Or let me stay with you? I just don’t want you to be alone.”

She shivers at the longing in his voice. “You don’t understand…I just don’t think I’m ready to face so many people...”

He moves until his body is parallel to hers. Putting his arms around her in a loose hug, he whispers, “Then let me stay. I promise, I won’t push.”

She sighs. “But you are pushing.” Leaning her head over, she rests it on his arm. “Kevin, I’m not going to kill myself. I’m really not that brave. And I promise I won’t wallow in self pity.” When he snorts, she continues softly. “Not too much. I just need…”

He sighs. “You need space. I really do get it; I just don’t want to go. So can we compromise?”

She lifts her head to look at him. “How?”

He smiles. “The fellas want to meet you and talk to you. I’ll go if you let us take turns coming to sit with you. Just for a little while. Just until we all know you’re going to be ok.”

She thinks long and hard about it. “I’ll agree but I have my own condition.”

He’s shocked and it shows. “What’s your condition?”

Her lower lip trembles a little. “Make sure Natalie isn’t worrying about me and she’s enjoying herself. It’s not fair for me to fuck up this cruise for her. She deserves to have fun.”

He leans closer and kisses her forehead. “You do too. I’ll agree to your terms if you’ll consider being my lunch date for Half Moon Cay.”

She sighs deeply. “I’ll consider it. But I’m not promising anything.”

His smile almost makes her regret agreeing. “Fine. One of us will be back in a few.” She nods, saying nothing. He brushes her hair back, uncovering her scar. She winces as he traces it, but she doesn’t pull away. “You’re sure you’re ok?”

She nods slowly. “I’m ok.”

He leans forward again, kissing her forehead. “Don’t run away again. If it gets to be too much, come to me. I’ll find you a quiet place to hide where I know you’re safe.”

She smiles softly. “Thanks.”

He stands up slowly. “One of us will be back in a while. And I’ll make sure we take care of Natalie for you.”

She feels her heart lighten at his words. “Thank you Kevin.”

He turns back as he reaches the door. “It’s my pleasure, Sweetheart.”

Dark Times in Still Waters
Chapter 5
By Dottie
Copyright 2013

When Kevin returns to the party, he finds Natalie hanging out with Brian while the rest of the guys are partying with the fans. He looks around noticing the fans seem somewhat subdued. He knows it would push Teagan further into her depression.

Jumping up and grabbing a microphone, he yells to get everyone's attention. When they finally look at him, he takes a deep breath. "Listen, I know today has been rough for all of us. Not exactly what we expected from the cruise but...things are ok now. So let's get back to having fun, ok?" Everyone starts cheering and he yells, "Crank up the music!"

While the crowd revs up and the party starts, Kevin hops off his perch. As he waves at the fans he grabs Howie in what looks like a big bear hug. In his ear, he yells, "She's ok. I convinced her to let us take turns sitting with her. I think we better save Nick for last. You go ahead; I'll let the others know."

Howie nods. "What do I say to her?"

Kevin shrugs. "Anything. Just keep her talking. Try to convince her to join in on cruise stuff. But....don't make the same mistake I did. If she gets antsy, let it go. Try to stay half an hour or so, then come and send Brian." Looking around, he sees Brian being goofy with Natalie and he smiles. Teagan will be pleased to know she's having fun. "And Howie? Tell her Natalie's ok."

Howie nods. "Will do. I'll be back."


Teagan still sits on her bed, dreading the impending visits, but it was the only way to get Kevin out of the room. The more time she spends with him, the more she wants to...and that confuses her. She came on this cruise with a healthy lust for Nick Carter, but the way Kevin has been treating her has gone straight to her heart...and that scares the living daylights out of her.

She's drawing pictures of musical notes in her journal when there's a knock at the door. Taking a deep breath she calls out, "Come in," all the while praying it's not Nick. When the door opens and Howie walks in, she breathes a sigh of relief. "Hi."

He smiles at her and she feels relieved. "Hi Teagan. Kevin said I could come sit with you for a while."

She nods. "Yeah. His condition for me skipping the party. I have to have babysitters."

Howie shakes his head. "He's worried. We all are Teagan. We've never come up on anything like this before."

She scoots her feet back and says, "Why don't you sit?" When he does, she keeps her head turned slightly away from him. "I don't think anyone's come across across a monster like me before."

He sighs. "Teagan, if we all tell you you're not a monster, will you start believing us? Because you are NOT a monster."

She sighs. "I'm sorry but I just can't..."

He reaches out and takes her hand. "Teagan listen to me. You're the victim of an accident. A horrible accident. You're not a monster by any means. Monsters don't care about others. Monsters don't care what others think. You do. You're a beautiful person."

As his words sink in, tears start to form. "Howie, I just don't...I can't face..."

He lifts her hand and kisses the back of it. "You don't have to if you don't want to. We want you to come party with us, but no one is going to force you."

She nods, grateful for that. "Thank you. I mean it." When he smiles, she whispers, "You guys are just as nice as we thought you would be."

He moves until he's sitting beside her on the bed and puts his arm around her. She puts her head on his shoulder as he says, "We're just us, Teagan. Nothing special."

She sighs, bringing her hand up to her face to wipe away a tear. "That's where you're wrong. You are VERY special."

He turns and kisses her head. "So are you, Teagan. So are you."


After Howie leaves, he stands in the hallway trying to get a grip on his emotions. He’s been around emotional women before, but honestly, he’s never seen anyone as fragile as Teagan is. He feels so sad for her but he can’t let it show.

He makes his way back to the party and finds Kevin. “Dude, she is really in a bad place isn’t she?”

Kevin nods. “All I want to do is help her, Howie. I just don’t know how.”

Howie watches him closely. “You really like her, don’t you?”

Kevin is startled by his question. “Well, of course I like her…”

Howie cuts him off. “No, you REALLY like her…don’t you?”

Kevin looks at him uneasily. “I don’t know Howie. For real. I just want to take care of her.”

Howie nods. “Brian and Natalie are dancing. I’m going to send AJ to sit with her.”

Kevin glances around, waving to a group of fans. “Great.”


Howie walks away, secretly amazed. Since his divorce, Kevin hasn’t shown much interest in any kind of woman. Not because of his divorce, that was an amicable split. He just seemed so focused on getting back into the group he didn’t seem to want to be in a relationship. Now all of the sudden, here’s a woman on the brink of a breakdown and all Kevin can think of is taking care of her. When he gets to AJ, he playfully punches him in the stomach. “You’re up Buddy.”

AJ nods, slapping his hands together. “About time.” He and Howie walk to the edge of the balcony, and AJ turns, his face getting serious. “How is she?”

Howie shrugs. “She’s really down on herself. It’s hard to keep her from beating herself up about her looks.”

AJ nods. “OK, wish me luck. I’ll be back.”

Howie shakes his head. “You won’t need luck, AJ. You have a way of drawing out the fans with self-esteem issues.”

AJ smiles faintly. “It’s because I know how they feel. I’ll be back, D.”


Teagan is a little more relaxed when the knock comes. She never thought she’d be able to have a conversation with Howie. Of all the guys, he always struck her as the one she wouldn’t connect with. She raises her voice lightly to ask, “Who is it?” wincing at the gravely, distorted timber of her voice.

The door opens and AJ pops his head in. “Just me! Can I come in?”

Teagan feels a genuine smile tugging at her lips. “If I say no?”

He pouts outrageously. “You’d let Howie in but turn ME away? Really?”

She can’t suppress the giggle that bubbles up. “No, come in.”

He walks in and makes himself at home. He crawls up the bed. “Make room Woman.”

She scoots to the edge of the bed as he stretches out beside her, propping himself up on his elbow. “Please, make yourself at home.”

He laughs. “I will. So what you doin?”

She shrugs lightly; suddenly aware she can’t hide her scar from him. “Just doodling.”

He senses her uneasiness. He leans closer and kisses her arm, his soft bushy beard tickling her arm. “Let me see.” He looks down at the book in her lap, but it’s not what’s on the page that gets his attention. “Hey, I like your nails!”

She holds her hand up and he grabs it to look closer. “Thanks.”

Her nails are painted white with musical notes and symbols painted on them. “No, seriously, this is wicked cool. You gotta do my nails!”

She just looks at him and laughs. “Are you serious?”

He sits up. “Damn right, I love this! Come on, let’s do this! If you don’t have the stuff to do it, I’ll be right back!”

She can’t stop giggling, feeling totally at ease with AJ. “No, no, I have it…I just…are you for real?”

He gives her a serious look. “My nails are no laughing matter, Lady.” His stoic attitude makes her laugh again. He smiles widely, pleased she so at ease with him. “Come on, for real, will you do my nails? We can trade services. You do my nails and I’ll give you one of my world famous AJ McLean foot rubs.”

She just shakes her head in disbelief. “Well, you don’t have to…I mean, I’ll be glad to do it.”

So the next half hour is spent with him taking off his nail polish and her repainting his nails while he regales her with all the different wild ways he’s had his nails painted. When she’s finished, he studies his nails closely. “This is great. What, do you do random notes? Hey, we have the same ones!”

She shakes her head. “No, it’s not random. That’s the first eight notes of a song.”

He studies them closely. “What song? Really?”

She nods. “Really. But I’m not telling you what song. You have to guess.”

He looks up pouting. “Come on, tell me!” She shakes her head no. He gets a mischievous twinkle in his eyes. “I bet I can make you tell me.” Her eyes are sparkling and it distracts him from everything else. “Your eyes are so incredibly blue, Teagan. Gorgeous!” She looks away, embarrassed and suddenly realizing she completely forgot her deformity. Sighing, the walls snap back into place. AJ sees it and leans closer. “Hey, don’t do that. It’s still just me.”

She sees he’s really hurt by her defenses. “I’m sorry AJ.”

Her whisper breaks his heart. “Sweetheart, you have nothing to be sorry for. Nothing at all.” Careful of his newly painted nails, he gathers her into his arm. As she lays with her head on his shoulder, her whispers softly. “You’re not alone here, Teagan. You can lean on us if you need to, but I think you’re stronger than you give yourself credit for.”

She sniffles against his chest. “Two months ago I would have believed you.”

He kisses her temple. “You can believe it now, Lady. It’s true. You just have to have faith.”

She shivers in his arms, not answering. She used to have faith. Until a bullet blew it away in the blink of an eye.

Dark Times in Still Waters
Chapter 6
By: Dottie
Copyright 2013

When AJ gets back to the party, he dances his way over to Brian, garnering cheers from the fans. "Hey Rok, you're up."

Brian smiles. "Good. I'll get Natalie."

AJ shakes his head. "I think you'd be better off on your own. She wants Natalie to enjoy the party."

Brian frowns. "I promised I'd take her to check on Teagan."

AJ shrugs. "I don't think that's a good idea. I'll talk to Natalie." After Brian leaves, AJ finds Natalie and swings her out onto the dance floor. "I thought you should know Teagan's doing just fine. Brian's gone to sit with her."

He can see disappointment on her face. "He said I could go too."

AJ stops moving and pulls her to the side. "I told him not to take you. Natalie, she wants you to have fun. If you go back, she'll feel like she's ruining your trip. Trust me, she's ok right now. Look, she even did my nails."

Natalie looks down and chuckles. "Did she explain the notes?"

He shakes his head. "No, she teased me about it. Tell me."

She laughs. "Not on your life. It's your puzzle Buddy, figure it out."

She trots off laughing. AJ shakes his head, smiling. Turning the crowd, he starts dancing and shouting, garnering cheers from the crowd.


Brian makes it to the door after passing a few dozen fans in the hallway. All of them wanting attention and he really tries to keep them happy. It takes him almost twenty minutes to get to the cabin.

When he knocks on the door, it opens rather slowly. Forcing his smile to meet his eyes, he whispers, "Hey Teagan."

She smiles tentatively, keeping her face turned away from him. "Hi Brian." She steps back. "I thought you guys had decided to give up and enjoy your party."

He shakes his head, leaning against the tiny table against the wall. "Not at all. Just stopping to chat along the way."

She sits on the edge of the bed, packing all the nail polish back in her makeup case. "Brian, I tried to tell Kevin, but he won't listen. I just want to be alone. I'm fine, so you can go back to the party and enjoy yourself."

He shakes his head. "No. Because, to be quite honest...I'm not just here to check up on you. I was kind of hoping..."

When he trails off, she looks up. "You were hoping what?"

He blushes. "I was kind of hoping...we could talk about...Natalie?"

For the first time in a long time genuine happiness fills Teagan's heart and she smiles. "What do you want to know?"

His smile makes Teagan happy. He folds his arms and chuckles. "Everything."

Teagan talks more in her time with Brian than she has in the last few weeks. He really is interested in Natalie and she knows for a fact that Natalie likes him.

When Brian finally decides it's time to leave, he decides to broach a delicate subject. "I think Natalie would enjoy it if you joined us."

The smile fades from her face. "Brian, I think you'd all have more fun if I skip it."

He shakes his head. "No, I don't think so, but I promised I wouldn't push anything and I won't."

Teagan smiles at him. "Thanks Brian."

He gives her a gentle hug and a kiss on the cheek. "It's nice getting to know you. And Natalie."

She nods. "Thanks for making sure she forgets about me for a while."

He shakes his head. "She doesn't forget. She's just happy to know you're not..."

His voice trails off and they both blush. "I don't think I really wanted to die, Brian. It's just…not easy...sometimes."


Just a couple minutes after he leaves, the door opens and Natalie walks in. "Oh my God Nick is SO clumsy!"

Teagan gets a good look at Natalie and fights not to giggle. Her nice, white romper has a great big wet spot on it. "What happened?"

She rolls her eyes. "Well, he was trying to dance and tripped over a stuffed animal somebody threw up on the deck and he knocked Howie's drink out of his hand and onto me."

Teagan closes her eyes, but can't stop snickering. "I'm...sorry...Nat."

She opens her eyes to find Natalie staring at her grinning. "You know you're not. But I'm glad you said it. How's your evening been?"

Teagan shrugs lightly. "It's ok. But they really don't have to come and sit with me. Nat, I'm ok. I think it helps to just...sit here. Write in my journal and try to process everything."

Natalie moves closer. "Teag, I'm not sorry about what I did today. You really scared me. I didn't mean to scare them too...I was just so mad."

Teagan hugs her. "Stop being mad and enjoy yourself." After a brief pause, she whispers, "Brian sure seems to enjoy getting to know you."

Natalie's eyes bulge. "What? What did he say?"

Teagan laughs, sitting on the bed and drawing her knees up to her chest. "He asked an awful lot of questions about you."

Natalie squeals. "WHAT?"

Teagan laughs. "You better get back up there."

Natalie dances around the room before snatching a sundress from her suitcase and shaking it out. As she's changing, she says, "I can't believe you did AJ's nails."

Teagan shrugs, hugging a pillow. "Me either. But it was fun."

Natalie laughs as she brushes out her hair. "He's curious as hell about the notes."

Teagan giggles. "Did you tell him?"

Natalie shakes her head. "Nope, I knew you wouldn't want me too." Natalie jumps on the bed beside Teagan and looks at her closely. "You sure you're ok?"

Teagan nods. "Nat, I'm sorry about falling apart and scaring you. I don't want to mess up your cruise. I probably should have stayed behind."

Natalie elbows her friend gently. "If you had stayed, I would have too."

Teagan elbows her back. "Get out of here and have fun with Brian."

Natalie squeals. "I won't be out too late."

Teagan rolls her eyes. "Would you just go!"

After she leaves, Teagan sighs. She's happy that Natalie is enjoying herself in spite of how things have gone so far.

As she's pondering the events of the day, someone knocks. Thinking it's gotta be Nick, she gets really nervous. Taking a deep breath she stands and heads for the door. When she opens it, she finds a group of young women in the hallway. Averting her gaze, she asks cautiously, "May I help you?"

One of the girls stammers, "Umm, well, kind of. You see...OK, I'm just gonna say it. I'm sorry that you're feelings were hurt. Really. I didn't see you come on board, but we all know what happened and it was wrong."

Teagan nods, barely glancing up. "Thank you for the apology, but it's not necessary."

The girl speaking for the group says, "It is. And everyone feels really bad about it. But...well...we paid a lot for these tickets and now the guys are so distracted by you..."

Teagan feels her face heat up in embarrassment. "I told them I'm fine and not to worry. I just want to be left alone. Then everyone can enjoy themselves."

The girl smiles broadly. "Look, we don't want to sound mean but..."

Teagan shakes her head. "It's ok. Believe me, I understand."

The girls all heave a collective sigh of relief. "Thanks a million!"

As they run off, Teagan thinks about why they came. They weren't mean, they didn't stare. They just want their time too. And they should have it. But how does she tell the guys to leave her alone without seeming ungrateful for their thoughtfulness?


She’s still pondering her problem when there’s a fast knock at the door before it opens and Nick comes barging in. “Hey, sorry, but I was being followed.”

Teagan’s heart races at the sight of him. “Umm, followed by whom?”

He lifts his gaze to lock eyes with hers and it’s like they both forget how to breathe. Finally, he clears his throat. “Umm, a group of South American girls. They are a little…over eager. I’ve spent the past half hour entertaining them, but they don’t seem to want to share.”

In her mind, she’s thinking she doesn’t blame them. Instead of voicing that opinion, she whispers, “You know, I’m ok. You can go back…”

He shakes his head, coming in and making himself at home. “Oh no you don’t. I need a break. I’m getting too old for this shit.”

Teagan can’t suppress a chuckle. “Nick, you’re far from old.”

He reaches out and grabs her hand, pulling her down beside him. “OK, so I’m not old. But I do need a break. And I wanted to meet you. Hi, by the way. I’m Nick.”

She just shakes her head, smiling at his goofiness. “Yes I know, Nick. I’m Teagan.”

He sees her trying to hide her face from him. But he can’t help the urge he has to see her eyes. He takes her chin and turns her gaze to his, getting lost in the deep blue hue. “It’s very nice to meet you Teagan.”

She can’t believe how intoxicating he is up close. His eyes, his smile…even the sincerity of his voice is like a caress. But her insecurity is stronger than the appeal of his baby blues. “Umm, Nick can I talk to you about something?”

He nods quickly. “Sure. Anything.”

Taking a deep breath, she says in a rush. “Please don’t think I’m being ungrateful, but I really wish you guys would stop coming here so much.”

He tries to control the disappointment on his face. “You want me to go?”

She nods…then shakes her head. “No, I don’t mean. Ugh, let me tell you the whole story, ok?”

He nods. “OK. As long as you’re not kicking me out now. My feet hurt.”

She looks down amazed as he kicks off his shoes and stretches out his legs. Shaking her head from the distraction of his body, she says, “After Brian left a few fans came by.”

He tenses up before putting his arm around her shoulder. “Teagan, I’m sorry if…

She shakes her head, more than a bit unnerved by his closeness. “No, they were fine. I just…Nick, they paid a lot of money to come on this cruise and because I had a meltdown, they are missing out on what it’s all about. Getting a chance to meet you guys. You being here isn’t fair to them. I’m perfectly fine and I’m more than content to spend some time alone. You guys have to focus on them and not me.”

He leans closer to her and whispers softly, “Teagan, I can do both.”

She sighs, the feel of his breath on her neck making her shiver. “Nick, I’m not saying what you guys are doing doesn’t mean a lot to me, because it does. I just…they deserve better than half your attention. Does that make sense?”

He puts his forehead against her temple. “What about you Teagan? What do you think you deserve?”

She sighs, finding it easy to answer honestly. “Time to work through this on my own. Time to figure out what’s next. Time to…time to heal, I guess.”

He leans in and kisses her softly. “You do deserve that. But you scared us today. Can you blame us for worrying?”

She shakes her head, fighting the urge to touch her face where his lips had been. “No, and I’m sorry about that.”

He slides closer, pressing against her. “I’ll tell you what. We’ll give you the space you’re looking for…but don’t stay shut up in this cabin. Get out and at least enjoy the boat. OK? Shopping, eating…just don’t isolate. It’s not good for you or us.”

She thinks about what he says. “I’ll try Nick. If you promise none of you will come back to our cabin.”

He shakes his head. “Won’t promise that. No way. But...I will promise this. When we’ve got stuff going on, we’ll stay away. On our off time, and believe me, there’s not much, we might pop in to say hi. Or maybe take you to lunch. Deal?”

She thinks about what he’s saying. It sounds reasonable. “I guess that’s ok. I just don’t want the others to be ignored because of me. I’ve caused enough trouble.”

He slides his fingers under her chin and brings her face around to his. “You haven’t caused trouble Teagan. I promise.” He gently kisses her and she almost faints. When they part, he smiles. “I’ll head back and let the fellas know what’s going on. You sure you’re ok?”

She licks her lips, lost in his gaze. “I’m sure…umm…thanks Nick.”

He smiles, giving her a gentle hug. “I’ll be seeing you soon.” He slides off the bed, slipping on his shoes. Turning to face her, he gives her a jaunty salute and a smirk. “See you later, Blue Eyes.”

After he leaves, her fingers cover her lips in confusion. He did just kiss her…and it was sweet…but why is it all she could think of is Kevin?

Dark Times in Still Waters
Chapter 7
By Dottie
Copyright 2013

When Nick comes back to the party, Kevin corners him. "Well?"

Nick wants to tease but he knows that at this point, Kevin is not in the mood for it. "She's fine. I made a deal with her and YOU my friend, had better stick to it."

Kevin isn't amused. "What do you mean you made a deal with her?"

Nick gets straight to the point. "Some of the friendlier fans paid her a visit and asked her to ask us to pay more attention to them." He sees Kevin starting to steam up and he stops him. "For real, they were nice about it. But they are right. They all paid a lot of money for this. Teagan doesn't need to feel any more guilt on this trip. I told her we'd only visit on our off time and she agreed to venture out during quiet moments and not stay cooped up in her cabin."

Kevin thinks about Nick's bargain with Teagan and he likes it. "She really agreed?"

Nick nods, reaching for a bottle of water. "She did. So put her out of your head and get into this cruise. We're here for fun. Let's have it."

Kevin nods, relieved at the turn of events. Nick sure has grown up and matured through the years. He found a way to do what no one else has been able to do. His smile is strained though. He really felt an instant connection to Teagan. But, as they found out early on, she always liked Nick.


In the wee hours of the morning, the guys are turned loose for a few hours sleep. Kevin starts toward his cabin, but makes a short detour. He knocks softly on the door, hoping she's still awake. Natalie answers quickly. "Is everything ok, Kevin?"

He nods. "Sure. I just wanted to check on her before I go to bed. Nick made a promise for us. And I intend to keep it."

She smiles. "She just went to bed. She's pretty wiped out. Come on in, I'm going to take a quick shower before I collapse."

She steps into the bathroom as Kevin slips in quietly. He sees Teagan lying quietly, curled up on her side sleeping peacefully. She does look content and that makes him happy. He kneels by her bed, brushing her hair back gently. "Sweet Teagan, you really are stronger than you know." Teagan hears every word he says and stays perfectly still. She smells his cologne. She feels the gentle touch of his fingers as he strokes her cheek. "Sweet dreams, Darling."

She didn't expect his lips to touch her face. He kisses her cheek, close to her lips. She jumps a little, her eyes slowly opening to find herself staring into his soft, green eyes. He smiles softly. "I'm sorry I woke you up."

She whispers, "It's ok." As he continues to stare into her eyes, she whispers, "Kevin..."

He leans closer, placing his lips gently on hers. He kisses her once...then again...and one last time, softly. When he pulls back, he whispers, "Good night, Teagan. Sleep well."


After he leaves, Teagan sits up as Natalie comes out of the bathroom. "Teag, what's wrong? I thought you were sleeping."

Teagan reaches up, touching her lips shakily. "He...he kissed me Nat."

Natalie's mouth drops open. "He WHAT?"

Teagan nods, still stunned. "He kissed me."

The girls stare at each other. Natalie finally breaks the silence. "Well how was it?"

Teagan can't stifle a giggle. "It was...really nice."

Natalie laughs with her. "Well, well, what about Nick?"

Teagan blushes. "Kevin kisses better."

Natalie fairly screams. "Oh my God, Nick kissed you too?"

Teagan sits back. "They just feel sorry for me."

Natalie shakes her head. "Nick may feel sorry for you. Hot as he is, that boy is all wrong for you. But he has a heart of gold. Now Kevin? He genuinely cares about you."

Teagan trembles. "Nat, I just need space."

Natalie nods. "And you'll get it. Nick made you a promise and I really think the other guys will follow through. Just...don't listen to the fans ok?"

Teagan nods. "I'll try. Now, let's get some sleep. You've got a big day tomorrow. Half Moon Cay. With Brian, no less."

Natalie blushes hotly. "Maybe."

Teagan hugs her friend. "Definitely. And I'm happy for you. Good night Nat."

Natalie grabs her friend’s arms and squeezes them. "You scared me Teag. Don't do it again."

Teagan hugs her. "I'm sorry Nat."


When Teagan wakes up, the sun is high in the sky. She checks the time; almost noon. Sitting up, she stretches, amazed by the quietness on the ship. Looking out the window, she sees the island off in the distance. And the beach party in full swing.

Sliding her legs over the edge of the bed, she figures now is a good time to make good on her side of the bargain. After a quick shower, she dresses in capris and a sleeveless blouse, tying a bright colored scarf around her neck. Once again styling her hair to fall across her scarred cheek, she carefully ventures out into the hallway.

She explores the ship at her leisure, finding ways to avoid large groups of people. The dining room is almost deserted, so she has a leisurely lunch. As she's finishing a decadent chocolate mousse, the dining room starts to fill.

She stands and heads to the door, bumping into a few girls. One of them recognizes her and mutters venomously, "You must be really disappointed the guys are paying more attention to us now."

Teagan shakes her head. "On the contrary, I'm glad they are."

The girl snorts. "Yeah right. The only reason you came on this cruise is to get sympathy from them. If you're so distressed about the way you look, why did you bother coming?"

Teagan is angry and hurt by her rudeness. "I didn't come to meet them at all. I'd prefer to never have met them. I'm here because I owed it to a friend. Nothing more."

As she stalks away, the girl snaps back, "You think we believe that? You got them kissing your ass at every turn. And over what? Your fucked up face? What happened to you anyway?"

Teagan whirls and stalks back to the group. "You want to know what happened? You really want to know what happened? Two months ago a man came into my school with a gun and opened fire! Are you happy now? Does it make you happy to know that instead of dying, I get to live the rest of my life like THIS?"

Teagan turns and runs. A few corridors away from the dining room, she bumps into a steward carrying a tray of glasses. When he sees how upset she is, he asks urgently, "Are you ok, Miss?"

She sighs shakily. "Is there somewhere I can go that's quiet?"

He nods. "The Orchid Lounge is closed on this cruise for renovations. You could probably go there. Or I can escort you to your cabin?"

She shakes her head, not wanting to see Natalie when she's this upset. "No, I just need some space from everyone. Can I please go to the lounge? I won't bother anything."

He nods. "I don't think there's anything you can bother. It's mostly empty. I'll let my supervisor know, but I don't think there will be a problem."

She nods gratefully. "Thank you so much."


Once she's in the lounge she slides into a corner booth and bows her head. She's so tired of dealing with all this, she can't even cry. So many times she's regretted coming on this ship. Now is worse than most, because she lost her temper.

She sits up completely exhausted from the stress she's been under. Looking around, she sees a piano partially covered by a drop cloth. Her heart swells. Music always helped her gain perspective. Moving slowly, she walks over to the piano and pulls the cover to the floor. She slips onto the bench and lets her fingers trail lightly over the keys.

The sweet tinkling sound calms her frayed nerves. Testing the tuning, she plays scales, her mind drifting. She spends the better part of the afternoon just playing random songs. Mostly moody, classical pieces that fit her state of mind.

Sadness seems to be her constant companion. Without conscious thought, she starts playing songs from the last musical theater she did back home. The songs from Wicked. She’s completely unaware that she’s been found. By Nick Carter no less.

He stands mesmerized by her talent. He instantly recognizes the song; I’m Not That Girl. He thinks back to the first time he saw Wicked. He had gone to New York to watch Kevin perform on stage, but his managers had gotten him tickets to the wrong show. Kevin even went with him to see Wicked, and Nick was instantly hooked by the beauty of the production. Yes, Nick Carter is a fan of musical theater. Go figure.

He stands quietly in the doorway, watching Teagan’s face. He can tell she is emotionally connected to the music. And maybe not so much because of the beauty of it but the meaning behind the song. The lyrics mostly elude him…all but one line; “Don’t wish, don’t start. Wishing only wounds the heart. I wasn’t born for the rose and the pearl. There’s a girl I know; He loves her so. I’m not that girl…” Like the Wicked Witch, Teagan must now deal with being different. And being ridiculed because of it. No wonder she’s so depressed. Life is just not fair.

He hears a commotion behind him and closes the door before she’s disturbed. Turning, he sees Kevin and Brian barreling down the hallway, with Natalie in tow. He holds up his hand, silencing them, as he opens the door once more to listen.

They all crowd around him, trying to figure out what he’s discovered. When Natalie sees Teagan at the piano, her heart aches for her friend. When she hears the song she’s playing, tears fall from her eyes. Brian’s arms slide around her and she’s grateful he’s there. It’s so hard seeing Teagan this way. Playing the piano but not singing. She loved this play when they did it over the summer. Teagan was amazing. Now…she’ll never sing again and Natalie almost can’t stand the unfairness of it all.

Dark Skies in Still Waters
Chapter 8
By Dottie
Copyright 2013

Kevin, Brian, Nick and Natalie move quietly into the lounge, sitting at the back so they don't disturb Teagan. She finishes one song, moving fluidly into another. Natalie glances at Kevin, seeing he's completely absorbed in Teagan's performance. She looks at Nick and he seems just as transfixed. When her eyes get to Brian, she sees he's watching her. He smiles faintly, reaching out to squeeze her hand.

Natalie turns back to Teagan, noticing the slump of her shoulders. Her heart breaks for her friend. The song she's playing ends and Teagan starts playing For Good. Natalie knows the song well. She knows how much it means to Teagan. She pushes away from the table to walk silently to the piano. She sits by Teagan on the bench, her tears flowing as freely as Teagan's. She glances back at the boys, seeing they are all moved to tears.

She turns her attention back to Teagan as the notes start to fade. Sobs consume her and Natalie wraps her arms around her friend. "Teag, what can I do?"

Teagan sniffles, shaking her head. She's so overcome, she can't even speak. Nick leans closer to Brian and Kevin. "We should go."

Kevin shakes his head. "You go. I want to make sure she's ok."

Brian grabs his cousin's arm. "Kevin, we promised."

Kevin shrugs his hand off. "We're not working now."

Nick and Brian leave slowly. Once in the hallway, Nick says, "Brian what's with Kevin? He doesn't even know her."

Brian shakes his head. "I don't know, Nick. I just...I don't know."


Inside the lounge, Kevin walks slowly to the piano. Natalie sees him...sees the worry on his face. She kisses Teagan's forehead and whispers, "Teagan, do you trust me?" Teagan nods slowly. Natalie lowers her voice and whispers, "Someone wants to talk to you. I'll wait for you in our room, ok?"

Teagan knows instantly that it's Kevin. She keeps her head lowered and her eyes closed as Natalie leaves and Kevin takes her place on the piano bench. Kevin doesn't say a word; he just starts playing the piano. She watches his hands as the melody sinks into her heart. You Are So Beautiful.

Teagan sighs deeply. As much as she wants to scream in frustration at his choice, in her heart she believes that he means it. She lets her body sag against his and rests her head on his shoulder, tears silently falling. He turns to kiss the top of her head, continuing to play.

When the song ends, he lays his head against Teagan's, putting his hands on his thighs. She slowly raises her hands and places them on the keys, surprising Kevin when she starts playing Show 'Em (What You're Made Of). He smiles, his hands joining hers and they play in tandem.

When the song is over, he turns his head to look at her. She's avoiding his gaze, but he can see the tracks of her tears drying on her face. He leans closer and whispers, "Sweetheart?"

She shakes her head. "I don't want to talk about it, Kevin. I'll be ok."

He cups her cheek with his hand. "I'm not going to make you talk about it Teagan. Not until you're ready. I just wanted to say...you play beautifully."

She brings her eyes up to his. "So do you."

He smiles, dipping his head. Their lips meet again, lingering on each other. When they part, he whispers, "I'd like to play with you again."

She manages a weak smile. "Not today."

He nods, sliding his arm around her shoulders. "No, not today. But soon?"

She nods tiredly. "Sure." After a quiet moment, she whispers, "Thanks."

He seems genuinely puzzled. "For what?"

She sits up. "For not asking."

He frowns. "Teagan, if someone hurts you I want you to tell me, ok?"

She shakes her head. "I wasn't hurt. But...I don't want to talk about it."

He nods. "Fair enough. But if I find out..."

She shakes her head. "You won't. It's over." He stares into her eyes until she finally looks away. "I better go see Nat."

He cups her face again, forcing her eyes to his. He brushes her cheek with his thumb. "I want to kiss you again, Teagan."

She chews on her lip, waiting. He leans closer. She feels his breath. His mustache lightly brushes her skin. She sighs just as he captures her lips. He sucks her lower lip slowly between his, stroking it lightly with the tip of his tongue. They part slowly and she licks her lips, staring into his eyes. No words are necessary.


When Teagan gets back to her cabin, Natalie is waiting. She sits on her bed, staring off into space. Natalie breaks the silence. “Teagan, what happened?” Teagan just shrugs. “Come on, it’s me. Talk to me.”

Teagan closes her eyes. “These…people. Natalie how can there be so much cruelty in this world?”

Natalie wants to scream in frustration. “What did they say to you?”

Teagan shakes her head. “It’s not important. Natalie, you have to tell them…the Backstreet Boys…not to come back here anymore. They need to focus on this cruise and forget about me.”

Natalie sighs. “So that’s it. Someone didn’t get a personal ‘hello’ and it’s all your fault? That’s a load of bullshit and you know it.”

Teagan shakes her head. “But it’s not. Not really. I just…I wanna finish this cruise and go back to what’s left of my life. S-s-start ov-er.”

She hiccups over the last words and Natalie rushes to her side. “What do you mean start over? Teagan, what happened?”

Teagan lies down, curling into a ball. “Before we left Miami…I…Nat they hired a new music teacher.”

Natalie’s mouth drops. “What? How do you know? What are you talking about?”

Teagan grips her pillow. “I got an email from Mr. Stansel. Our illustrious principal couldn’t even tell me to my FACE!”

Natalie is filled with anger and sadness. “He sent you a fucking EMAIL? He fired you??”

Teagan shakes her head. “Not in so many words. He said they had hired a new music teacher to give me a chance…to explore my options.”

Natalie jumps to her feet and paces. “What a fucking PRICK!”

Teagan closes her eyes. “Nat, it doesn’t really matter. I can’t teach this way. I can’t sing. Maybe it is time for me to find something new instead of scaring my kids.”

Her last words break off with a sob. Natalie moves to the bed and sits. “Teagan, for the love of God, those kids are not afraid of you! They are sad. So sad because YOU are sad right now. They never gave up on you and neither have I. So what if you can’t sing the notes right now? Or ever. You can STILL teach it because it’s in your blood.” Teagan cries quietly into her pillow. Natalie rubs her back. “What can I do?”

Teagan takes a deep shaky breath. “Seriously? Just tell the guys to stop coming here. I love how sweet they are, but I just can’t…”

Natalie nods. “I’ll tell Brian at the Halloween party.” Broaching the subject cautiously, she says, “Umm, Teag?” When Teagan looks at her, she whispers, “Will you come to the party?” Before her friend can get all upset again, she rushes on. “I have the perfect costume. No one will see your face…you can just enjoy the music and the fun. Please? Please say yes. If I can tell them you’re coming they won’t worry as much. Please Teagan, just for a little while?”

Teagan really wants to go. Not so much to be around the fans, but to watch the guys do what they do best. And she’s right, if the guys know she’s coming they will leave her alone and the fans will be happy. She pushes herself up and says, “What kind of costume do you have?”


An hour later, Teagan is staring at herself in the mirror stunned by the transformation. Initially, she and Nat were going to be gypsy girls. But, the shooting changed that so Natalie found the perfect costume to hide Teagan’s scars and it’s as sexy as the gypsy girl getup.

Natalie has transformed Teagan into an Arabian princess. She has on a short black dress with ties on each side and silver coins edging the bottom. The long, flowing sleeves are trimmed with a wide silver ribbon, the same as the low cut neck. With her hair up on her head, the veil that covers it and wraps around her face conceals her identity as well as her scars. A crown of coins lies across her forehead. The only part of her face showing is her eyes. She turns to Natalie. “This is…Natalie, how did you find this?”

Natalie, dressed in her short, multi-colored gypsy skirt and peasant blouse with a brown half-vest just laughs. “It was a fluke really. I was buying my shoes and saw an ad for a costume store. I didn’t exactly see this costume, but I saw one that gave me the idea. You look gorgeous.”

Looking down at her bare feet, she mutters, “Speaking of shoes…”

Natalie giggles. “I got you covered.” She hands Teagan a pair sparkling, low heeled sandals that have jewels running up her foot to her ankle.

After slipping on her own brown, strappy heels, she ties a brightly colored scarf around her head and slips a dozen bangle bracelets onto her wrist. Striking a pose for Teagan, she smiles brightly. “Well?”

Teagan claps her hands. “You look gorgeous!”

Natalie laughs and pulls her friend into a huge hug. “Listen, no matter what, tonight forget work…forget everything. Focus on fun. We’ll figure everything else out when we get home.”

Teagan nods, fighting back tears. “Thanks Nat. For always being here.”

Natalie curtsies deeply. “For you, my Princess, anything.”

Teagan can’t stop the giggles that erupt. Noise outside the door gives her pause. She chews on her lip before saying, “Nat, I’m not sure I can do this.”

Natalie links her arm with Teagan’s. “Sure you can. You’re a princess!” When Teagan sighs shakily, Natalie gets serious. “Teagan you don’t have to be afraid. No one will see the scars. You’ll just be one of the fans.”

Teagan smiles sadly under her veil. “Why can’t I be one of the fans without hiding my face?”

Natalie has no answer. She hugs her friend and whispers, “You don’t have to stay long. Just come see how fun it is, ok?”

Teagan nods. She owes it to Nat. She owes it to the Backstreet Boys. She owes it to herself.

Dark Times in Still Waters
Chapter 9
By Dottie
Copyright 2013

When Natalie reaches the door, Teagan stops her. "Nat, wait." When Natalie turns around, she says, "I can't go with you."

Natalie's smiles fade. "Please, Teag, you have to. Just for a while."

Teagan shakes her head. "I just...I don't think I can do it."

Natalie starts to protest again...but stops herself. "OK...but least think about coming later....please?"

Teagan hugs her neck. "I'm sorry."

Natalie pulls back, forcing a smile. "I'm sorry I put you through this."

Teagan shakes her head, unbuttoning the veil. "Don't be sorry. I wanted to come for you. I just wish I was stronger..."

Natalie turns away before she starts crying. "I wish you didn't have to be Teag."

Teagan reaches out and grabs Natalie's arm. "Nat...wait." When Natalie stops, she whispers, "Will you still tell Brian I'm coming?"

Natalie looks puzzled. "Why Teagan?"

Teagan sighs softly. "I don't want them coming here."

Natalie looks at her closely. "You mean Kevin, don't you?"

Teagan blushes. "I don't...I don't understand him Nat. He doesn't know me and...he acts like..."

Natalie chuckles. "He acts like a man who sees something he likes."

Teagan turns away. "He only feels sorry for me Nat. That's all it is."

Natalie groans in frustration. "If you keep up all this negative shit I'm going to march straight up to Kevin and ASK him about how he feels."

Teagan's eyes widen. "Nat...you CAN'T!"

Frowning, Natalie agrees softly. "Maybe not...but I'm about to get frustrated enough to do it anyway." When Teagan lowers her head, Natalie walks over to her. "I won't say anything Teag. And I'll tell them you'll be there."

Teagan looks up with tears in her eyes. "Thanks, Nat."


After Natalie leaves, Teagan takes off the veil and sits on her bed staring at herself in the mirror. To her, the scar looks horrendous, but trying to be objective, she really studies it. The scar on her face isn't jagged. It's a straight line from about half an inch below her eye to behind her ear. The incision to remove the bullet. Her hair is long enough to cover most of it. The scar on her neck is much worse. It's jagged from the path of the mushsroomed bullet.

She hears a commotion outside her door. Loud squeals tell her it's one or more of the Backstreet Boys. She goes to the door and quietly locks it, leaning her head against it to listen. There's a soft knock and she hears Nick call out, "Teagan are you there?"

She's relieved it's not Kevin and starts to open the door. Before she can, she hears a female voice, "Wow, Nick, hot costume!"

Teagan can almost see the smirk on his face and she's dying to see his costume. She almost laughs when he says, "Umm, thanks. I...umm...like yours too....you make an...ummm...perfect...ummm....what are you?"

The girls indignant screech makes Teagan giggle. "I'm Kim Kardashian! Everyone tells me how much I look like her..."

Nick back pedals fast. "Oh YEAH...Sorry, the lighting in this corridor sucks."

Teagan can almost see the girl practically swoon. "Aww aren't you sweet?" Before Nick can answer, she asks, "Hey, what are you doing down here?"

Teagan presses her ear closer to the door, waiting. She's surprised by Nick's reply. "I'm here to make sure everyone comes to the Halloween party." After a brief pause, Nick asks bluntly, "Have you seen the girl with the scars?"

Teagan bites her lip, waiting for the reply. "Well, I saw her when we first got on the ship. It's a shame about what happened to her. And what that girl said today? That was just uncalled for."

Teagan's head touches the door and she shakes when Nick asks, "Were you there? What happened?"

Teagan can tell Nick is leaning on the door waiting. She almost opens the door and tells them it doesn't matter when the girl answers, "One of those crazy South American girls attacked her in the dining room. Called her out saying she was here just to get your sympathy and if she was so upset about how she looked she should have just not come. She and her friends kept goading the poor girl about what happened and she just snapped and screamed at them about a school shooting. The whole dining room was buzzing about it all afternoon. Some of the girls tried to find her to make sure she was ok, but she vanished. Do you know...is she ok?"

Teagan feels tears slowly track down her cheeks. She never expected to hear someone worried about her on this ship full of jealous, clingy women. She barely hears Nick's reply. "I honestly don't know. I think she is. I was actually coming to ask her to come to the party."

Teagan turns, leaning against the door and sliding to the floor. The girls reply is full of emotion. "I hope she comes. Tell her we're not all that way."

She can hear a smile in Nick's voice. "I'll tell her. And thanks."

The hallway become eerily quiet and she nearly jumps out of her skin when Nick calls out through the door, "Teagan, please open the door." Before she can send him away, he says, "I'm not leaving until I see you, so just let me in."

She stands up, wiping her face. Pinning the veil back in place, she slowly opens the door. When Nick sees her, his eyes widen and a huge smile spreads across his face. "Wow."

She blushes. "I wasn't expecting a construction worker."

He looks down at himself, laughing. "Wait till you see AJ. So you're coming to the party? For real?

Teagan sighs, stepping back. "I don't know. I'm not sure..."

Nick reaches out and gently takes her hand. "Please? For me? Just for a little while?"

Something in his eyes compels her to say yes. "Nick, I..."

He stops her. "Come as my date. Come on, no one will know it's you. Except maybe Kevin."

Thankfully her blush is hidden by the veil. "Nick, part of the problem the fans are having with me is...all of you. I appreciate everything you have all done for me...being concerned about everything. But, all the other fans paid a lot of money for this cruise and their chance to meet you and spend time with you." She turns away from him. "To be honest, the last thing I wanted when I agreed to come with Natalie was to meet any of you."

She feels him step up behind her and put his hands on her shoulders. "Teagan, please don't say that."

She lowers her head and whispers, "I'm sorry, but it's true."

He puts his arms around her and leans down, whispering in her ear. "Teagan, I would be very disappointed if I hadn't met you. I'd be even more disappointed if we hadn't had the chance to let all our fans know how we feel about how you were treated. We're not oblivious, Teagan. We know we have fans who are possessive and, to be frank, are very mean spirited. We still love them...but respect them? Not so much. But it’s hard to say anything about their behavior until it reaches the level it’s reached on this cruise. I’m sorry you had to be on the receiving end of it."

She leans back against him, allowing him to hold her. "Nick I've seen children say mean things because they don't know they are being mean. I thought adults were supposed to know better."

He presses his cheek to hers. "I'm sorry, Teagan. It's our fault."

She whispers quietly. "No it's not, Nick. I don't...I never blamed any of you. It's just mean spirited people and I'm at a point in my life...I just can't turn the other cheek."

Her last word cuts off with a hiccup and he tightens his grip. "You don't have to prove anything to anyone, Teagan. And you shouldn't have to turn the other cheek over something like this. You are beautiful. You are a truly beautiful person because of who you are on the inside...and on the outside. The scar doesn't make a difference. It can't change who you are unless you let it." He spins her around to face him and pulls down the veil. He strokes her cheek slowly, his finger tracing the scar. "This isn't who you are Teagan and it never will be. Not if you don't let it."

She blushes, looking away. He gently forces her gaze back to his. She's so confused by her emotions she's not sure what to do. He tilts her face up with his thumbs under her chin and leans down, slowly capturing her lips. Her eyes flutter closed and her heart almost stops. She grips his arms as he deepens the kiss, sweeping his tongue across her lips, coaxing her mouth to open.

He is definitely skilled at the art of seduction. His hands, his body, even the taste of his mouth draws her in. He puts his hand on her lower back and pulls her against his body, his tongue sweeping even further into her mouth, robbing her of her breath.

His lips move to her ear and he whispers, "Beautiful Teagan."

His voice jars her to the present and she blushes furiously. Every moment of his kiss she was imagining Kevin. She whispers, "Nick, I..."

He chuckles, putting his finger over her lips. "Sweetheart...stop. I kissed you because I wanted to. Not because I felt sorry for you. Believe me Darling."

She nods slowly. "I do...Nick. I just...I'm not..."

It dawns on him and he chuckles. "Old man, Kev, huh?" When her blush deepens, he tightens his arms around her. "Teagan, stop blushing. He's as hooked on you as you appear to be on him."

She looks away. "He doesn't know me. None of you do."

He laughs. "Sure we do. You're a sweetheart of a girl who's had some tough luck." When she sighs, he kisses her forehead. "You're not a monster and you never will be. Now, let's go to that party."

She bites her lip. "I...I'd like to. For a little while."

His smile reminds her of why she fell for him to begin with. But her heart doesn't skip a beat for him like it did for Kevin when he kissed her. She steps back, pinning her veil back in place. He looks her over and whistles. "I'm going to have the sexiest date there. And no one's gonna know who she is."

Teagan reaches out and takes his hand. "Thank you Nick."

He lifts her hand and kisses the back of it. "I live to serve, My Princess. Shall we?"

She allows him to lead her to the door and out into the corridor. Her nerves are shaky, but the thought of seeing the spectacle of the Halloween party...of seeing Kevin...compels her to trust Nick to keep her hidden. And she does trust him. She trusts all of them...but she doesn't know why.

Dark Times in Still Waters
Chapter 10
By Dottie
Copyright 2013

Nick pulls her through the corridors to the service areas. When they get close to the party, Teagan hesitates. “Nick, I can’t go with you.”

He stops and turns. “Why not?”

She shakes her head. “I told you, it will just cause more problems if I show up with you. I…promise, I won’t go back to the cabin now. I’ll join the party, but…I’ll be in the crowd.”

He stares at her. “Teagan, I don’t give a rat’s ass about how they feel. I want you with me.”

She shakes her head. “No. Nick, I don’t know how much more animosity I can take. Please, let me do this my way or I will go back and I won’t come out again till we dock.”

He can see how serious she is. “All right Teagan, we’ll do it your way. But Natalie is up here with Brian.”

She nods. “I know. And I want her to stay there. I just…I want you all to stay away from me. I mean it.”

He nods slowly. “But you’ll stay?”

She nods. “I’ll stay for a while. I promise.”

He smiles. “OK, Sweetheart. If you change your mind…”

She shakes her head vehemently. “I won’t.”

He kisses her cheek through the veil. “Have fun, Teagan.”

He disappears through the door and she makes her way back down the hallway. By following the screams, she finds herself up on deck with several hundred screaming, half-drunk fans. She skirts the crowd, nodding her thanks when she’s complimented on her costume.

She stays on the outer edges of the crowd, watching the stage. The first genuine smile she’s had in a long time came when she saw how the boys were dressed. Nick’s construction worker costume was part of a bigger scheme. The Backstreet Boys as the Village People. They all look amazing, but once she sees Kevin dressed as the cowboy, she loses her breath. To her, he makes a damn fine looking cowboy.

After more than an hour, Teagan finds herself needing solitude. While the crowd has thinned considerably for different activities, it’s still pretty loud and boisterous and something she’s not really used to.

She starts walking, finding herself a deck above the party. It’s a bit quieter here. She leans on the rail and watches in amazement. She smiles to herself. She may not be a part of it, but she’s thankful she’s getting to see it. The fans…she knows how exciting it is for them. She really wishes she could be happier about the situation, but…her heart isn’t in it.

She feels eyes on her and glances to the stage. Kevin is watching her. Even from this distance, she knows he recognizes her. His smile says it all. He’s happy she’s there. She knows he can’t see it, but she smiles anyway. The connection is there. She straightens up and waves before turning away to explore the quieter parts of the ship.

She finds herself on the Serenity deck. On a normal cruise, it’s the adults only area. Because of the nature of this cruise, it’s not open for use. She sneaks in, looking around. Located on the stern of the ship, it’s beautifully quiet to Teagan. She unpins her veil, taking it off, as she walks to the railing and looks out at the moonlight rippling over the ship’s wake.

She breathes deeply, drinking in the smell of the sea, grateful she came, even with all the trouble there’s been. She walks around the deck cautiously. From what she can see, this place was meant for lovers. Loungers for two, some covered, and some not…even round ones. There are whirlpools and a swimming pool in the center. She can’t help but smile when she sees the hammocks built for two.

She once again leans on the railing, looking out over the water. She doesn’t really know how long she’s been there when she hears a door open behind her. She knows its Kevin. She knew the minute he saw her he would follow her.

She doesn’t even flinch when he stops a few feet from her and calls out softly, “Teagan, are you ok?”

She doesn’t turn, just continues looking out over the water. “I’m fine. You didn’t have to leave the party.”

She hears his boots on the deck as he comes closer. His gait is almost timid. Like he’s afraid she’ll run. There’s no way she could run. He stops, leaning on the rail a few feet from her. “I didn’t leave because I had to. I just wanted to tell you…you look beautiful.”

She lowers her head and looks away from him. “Thank you.”

He slides closer, letting his arm come out and slip around her stomach. With is back to the rail, he brings his body in line with hers and kisses her temple. “It’s not a shallow compliment Teagan. I mean it. You make a lovely princess.”

She feels her heart flutter. “I know you mean it Kevin. And I mean it when I say thank you.”

He puts the side of his face to hers. “I’m glad you came to the party. I was so mad Nick saw your costume and I didn’t.”

She chuckles. “I like your costume too.”

He laughs. “You like cowboys?”

She shakes her head. “Never have before.”

He laughs. “Your Highness, you just made my night.” She can’t stop herself from shivering at the sound of his laughter. His arm tightens, “Are you cold?”

She shakes her head. “Not really. It’s just so beautiful here. And so quiet. I could spend the whole cruise right here.”

He straightens up and says, “Well, then, let’s spend some time here. Just you and me.”

He leads her over to one of the hammocks. Without thinking, she settles on the hammock beside him and finds herself staring up at a million stars. His shoulder is touching hers and he wraps her hand in his. She sighs quietly before saying, “Kevin…I want to thank you for being there for me.”

He rolls his head over and kisses her temple again. “Darling, you don’t have to thank me. Nick told me what happened. Teagan, I’m so sorry you had to go through all that.”

She turns her head away. “I keep thinking it’s going to get better…or I’ll get used it. I just…” She bites her lip. She doesn’t want to cry.

He lets go of her hand and lifts his arm. “Come here, Teagan.”

She doesn’t even think about it. She scoots closer, finding herself cocooned in his arms and nestled on his chest. He rubs her back and sings softly to her.

It’s not that I can’t live without you
It’s just that I don’t even want to try
Every night I dream about you
Ever since the day we said goodbye

If I wasn’t such a fool
Right now I’d be holding you
There’s nothing that I wouldn’t do
Baby if I only knew

The words to say
The road to take
To find a way back to your heart
What can I do
To get to you
To find a way back to your heart

I don’t know how it got so crazy
But I’ll do anything to set things right
Cause your love is so amazing
Cause baby you’re the best thing in my life

Let me prove my love is real
Make you feel the way I feel
I promise I would give the world
If you’d only tell me girl

The words to say
The road to take
To find a way back to your heart
What can I do
To get to you
To find a way back to your heart

Give me one more chance
To give my love to you
Cause no one on this Earth
Loves you like I do

Tell me
The words to say
The road to take
To find a way back to your heart
What can I do
To get to you
And find a way back to your heart

I’d turn back time
To make you mine
And find a way back to your heart
I’d beg and plead
Fall to my knees
To find a way back to your heart

These arms of mine
Are open wide
From now until
The end of time
You are my world
What did I do
This heart of mine
Belongs to you

By the end of the song, she’s nearly sobbing in his arms. Not because she’s sad. Because she’s touched by his thoughtfulness. His caring. His knowing just what she needs. Without thinking, she tilts her head back and kisses his cheek.

He brings his hand up to cup her face, staring down into her eyes. He sees the tears shimmering in the moonlight and he can’t stop himself from moving closer to her, capturing her lips with his.

She moans into his mouth as he rolls up on his side and slides one of his legs between hers. She finds her hand tangled in his hair, opening her mouth to his assault…willing to open her body to his touch.

He gently runs his hand down her body, skimming her breasts, moving to her hip to hold her tightly, pulling her more firmly against his long, lean frame. He feels her breasts pressing into his chest and he growls in his chest, wanting more. Sliding his hand down he slowly pulls up the hem of her dress, slipping his hand under to knead the bare flesh of her thigh.

She whimpers, her body begging for more. Her heart racing. But her mind is screaming stop. It’s happening to fast and it’s scaring her. He senses her unease and loosens his grip lightly. Moving his lips along her jaw line to her ear, he whispers, “I won’t hurt you Baby. I just want to touch you so bad. You’re so beautiful.”

She whimpers, not wanting him to stop. But at the same time she wants to run. Run as far and as fast as she can. His hand slowly comes out from under her dress and he smoothes it down. Wrapping his arms around her tightly, he pulls her against his chest and rolls back, once again, nestling her in his arms against his chest.

Their breathing slowly returns to normal. She chews on her lip, getting up the courage to whisper, “I’m sorry Kevin.”

She feels him sigh. The warmth in his voice makes her feel at ease. “Sweetheart, don’t be sorry. I’m not. I want…I want so much more, Teagan. Not just physically. I’m so attracted to you; I don’t know how to handle it. I don’t know how to not touch you. You are so beautiful.”

Even though his words are meant to make her feel good…feel special. She feels…saddened. She doesn’t feel beautiful and every time he says it, it’s like a stab to her heart. She pushes away slowly. “Kevin, I’m not beautiful. Don’t say that.”

He moves up onto his side and pushes her onto her back. In the pale moonlight, she can see he’s upset. “Teagan, you are incredibly beautiful. You’ve got to stop being so down on yourself. Baby you’re gorgeous, inside and out.”

She pushes him away and stands. “Please stop.”

He stands, moving to her side. “I won’t. I won’t ever stop telling you how beautiful you are. Because you ARE! What can I do to make you believe me?”

She sniffles, turning to face him. “Kevin, I know you mean it and…I’d be lying if I said it didn’t mean anything to me…but I don’t…I don’t think I’m beautiful.”

He cups her face and brings his head down to hers for a gentle kiss. “Baby, you’re stunning. Every part of you screams beauty, poise and grace. And every part of me wants to know more of you…wants to know every inch of you. You have to believe that.”

She pulls away slowly. “I don’t…Kevin I can’t think when I’m close to you. It scares me.”

She turns to leave. He stops her by saying, “I never wanted you to be scared of me, Darling.”

She turns back to stare at him, thankful the moon is bright enough to see his face, but not bright enough to highlight her scars. “I’m not scared of you Kevin. I’m scared of what you make me feel. I don’t deserve it…and I just can’t take it.”

Before he can stop her, she fleas, winding her way around the ship to her cabin. Once she’s in and the door is safely locked, she falls on her bed, sobbing into her pillow, “Why can’t I be beautiful for him? Why do I have to be a fucking freak?”

She knows the answer won’t come. All she wants is to get off this boat…and get on with her shattered life.

Dark Times in Still Waters
Chapter 11
By Dottie
Copyright 2013

Kevin spends a long time on the Serenity Deck thinking. He knows sleep will be elusive. When he finally decides to leave the deck, instead of going to his cabin, he makes a detour to Teagan’s. He needs to apologize…for what he doesn’t know. He just knows he upset her and that’s not what he wanted.

When he knocks on the door, he’s surprised when Natalie answers. Even more surprised to see Brian in her room. “Oh, sorry, I just wanted to check on Teagan.”

Natalie blushes and smiles. “She hasn’t come back yet. She must still be enjoying the party.”

Kevin nods. “I guess so. Well, I won’t bother you again. See you later, Brian.”

After he leaves, Natalie turns to Brian, who is still lounging on her bed. “I wonder what that was all about.”

Brian pats the bed beside him. “I don’t. Come here.”

She shoots him a sultry look. “What if Teagan comes back?”

He sighs loudly. “Then come to my cabin. I want to spend time with you.”

She shakes her head. “Brian, I should be here when she gets back. Find out if she’s ok.”

He stands quickly and grabs her arm. “You’re not making this easy.” He pulls her into the tiny cubicle of a bathroom and shuts the door. “Fine, how’s this?” Before she can answer, his lips once again fall on hers and she’s powerless to stop him.

He presses her into the door and slides his hands up her sides, letting his thumbs tease her breasts. He’s never had a woman crawl under his skin so fast…or make him want her so much. Her hands in his hair, pulling his head closer gives him a sense of power. Parting her legs with his knee, thanking God she’s got on a short skirt, he presses upward until he reaches the juncture of her thighs. He feels her heat…her dampness. He really must remember to thank the guys for voting for him to be the cop, because his tight, white pants allow him to feel everything at once. His straining manhood aches to feel more and he thrusts against her, eliciting a moan from her lips.

They slowly part, gasping for breath. Her eyes mirror his passion. She whispers quietly, “What’s happening?”

He smiles slowly, making her tingle in anticipation. “The prelude to what’s going to happen when we reach land. I know I can’t make love to you here, but God I want you. I want every part of you.”

She slides her hands down to his shoulders, down his sides, and around to his back, letting them drop to rub his buttocks through the tight material covering them. “How can we…I mean, we only just met.”

He leans forward, lazily nuzzling her hair from her neck. “Doesn’t take a lifetime, Darling. Just an instant attraction, followed by getting to know you…which we’re getting along famously doing. Even if I didn’t know you’re name was Natalie Giselle Byron, or that you’re a fourth grade teacher who likes fresh fruit, reading, and music, I would still want you just by looking at you.”

She shivers in his arms. “I should warn you Brian…I’m not that easy.”

He laughs against her skin. “I don’t consider you easy, Nat. I consider you a hot, smoldering woman with untapped passion bubbling under the surface. You’re complex, tender-hearted and deeply loyal to those you love. I consider you perfection…and I want you. Make no mistake Baby; I do NOT consider you easy. I consider you a prize.”

His words make her melt. She sighs and whispers, “You silver-tongued devil.”

He pulls back and smirks. “Let me show you what my tongue can do.” He captures her mouth for another heated kiss and Natalie loses herself in him once more.


Kevin goes to his cabin, but he can’t sleep for worrying about Teagan. He goes back to the Serenity deck hoping she’s still there. Just as he opens the door to step out into the quietness of the night, he hears someone behind him. “Kevin? Oh my God, it IS you!”

Pasting on a smile for the fans clamoring up the hallway, he turns. “Hi.”

The three girls giggle. “Wow, what are you doing up here? Thought this was off limits.”

He smiles patiently, still holding the door open but blocking it so they can’t go out. “It is closed…to passengers. I just come up here when I need time ALONE to think.”

One girl gets brave and walks her fingers up his chest. “Does that mean we can’t…join you?”

He takes her hand and removes it from his chest. “No, afraid not.”

She pouts. “Come on, just for a while. We can…talk.”

He shakes his head. “Look, I appreciate the gesture, but I really just want to be alone right now.”

The other two girls take the hint and walk away. The third stays where she is, determined to keep trying. “Come on, just one swim. What, do I have to be scarred up to get attention?”

Anger floods his body. Trying to keep his composure, he answers solemnly. “I didn’t pay attention to her because of the scars. I genuinely care about all my fans. You should know that.”

She pouts a little. “Then why don’t we spend some time together?”

He stops himself from snorting in an ungentlemanly like fashion. “Miss…I appreciate what you’re doing…your interest…but it’s not going to happen. As for…the other girl. When I know someone is hurting, I want to help them. She’s a fan and she’s had a raw deal. Instead of our family of fans caring and surrounding her with love, she’s been ridiculed. Now you aren’t one of those girls who did that, are you?” Before she can answer, he continues smoothly. “Of course you’re not. Because you know that what a person looks like doesn’t matter. It’s what’s on the inside that counts most. Now, why don’t you go get some sleep and get ready for the rest of the cruise? I’m going to sit out here and look forward to the bachelorette party. I hope you do too.”

Before she can comment, he steps through the door, allowing it to close between them. He sighs deeply, closing his eyes. “Bitch.” He shakes his head as he looks around the deck. Deserted. He lifts his gaze skyward and whispers, “God please take care of Teagan.” He leaves the deck slowly, wishing he could have found her and made sure she was ok.


Teagan stays curled up in her hiding spot, fearful he’ll come back. She’s still amazed at what he said to that girl. He really surprised her when he came on so forceful about the attitude on the ship. Until now, she truly thought it was all an act to keep her from killing herself.

When she’s assured she’s alone, she pulls back the curtain on the round, covered lounger and once again stares at the stars. She wishes she was beautiful for Kevin. She wishes she could catch his eye, not for the scars, but for who she is. Oh, sure, he says that’s why he likes her, but Teagan doesn’t believe it. She believes he pities her and at the moment, nothing he says can change it.

She thinks about when they lay in the hammock together and he kissed her. Oh how she wishes he was still holding her. It felt good to lie in his strong arms and feel his heart beat under her hand. She licks her lips remembering how he tasted.

She feels tears welling up in her eyes and she whispers softly, “Why can’t things be different? Why did it have to be me?”


When the horizon starts to lighten, Teagan finds her veil and pins it in place. She cautiously makes her way to her cabin, virtually ignored by those few who are still awake roaming the halls.

When she walks into her room, she gets the shock of her life. Brian and Natalie cuddled up on Natalie’s bed. Both still in costumes. Both snoring softly. Teagan has to smile. But this makes going to bed even more difficult for her.

She decides to just sit on her bunk and close her eyes. Maybe Nat will wake up soon and send Brian on his way so she can get some sleep.

Instead of Natalie waking up, though, Brian does. When he sees Teagan, he smiles. “Hey, nice costume. You been here long?”

She shakes her head. “No, just got in. I’m sorry if I woke you.”

Natalie starts coming to life. “What’s going on?” When she sees Teagan, she jerks awake. “Teag? You ok?”

Teagan nods. “I’m fine. I’m sorry if I worried you. I found a quiet place and was…star gazing most of the night.”

Natalie smiles completely convinced she spent the night with Kevin. “Well, good for you.”

Teagan shakes her head. She knows what Natalie is thinking. “I’m glad the Serenity deck was closed. It was so peaceful being up there…ALONE.”

Natalie’s smile fades and Brian clears his throat. “Well, now that we know you’re ok, I’ll just go grab some sleep. We have photo shoots starting in a few hours. I need my beauty sleep.” He pulls Natalie in for a sultry kiss. Teagan looks away, blushing. When he stands, he whistles a short, happy tune. “See you lovely ladies at the photo shoot.”

After he leaves, Teagan looks at Natalie. “I’m sorry I disturbed you two.”

Natalie waves off her apology. “Nothing happened to disturb. Teagan, what happened with you? I thought you weren’t going to the party?”

Teagan shrugs, taking off the veil and headpiece to the costume. “Nick happened. He came and…well…you know how his smile does me in.”

Natalie laughs and Teagan joins her, giggling softly. Natalie flops down beside Teagan. “I’m so glad you were there. Did you have fun? Weren’t the guys hysterical as the Village People?”

Teagan chuckles. “Yes they were. And yeah, I’m glad I was there.” Fingering the veil, she mutters, “It was nice to not be noticed.”

Natalie leans over and hugs her gently. “Teagan, once the scars are fixed…”

Teagan cuts her off. “I’ll still be an out of work music teacher that sounds like she has permanent laryngitis.”

Natalie lays her head against Teagan’s shoulder. “I’m sorry Teag. I wish I could find a way to help you cope…help you…I don’t know, realize you’re so much more than a pretty face and a pretty voice. All the guys see it. Especially Kevin.”

At the mention of Kevin, Teagan feels her heart skip a beat. “Nat, when this cruise is over I’ll probably never see him again.”

Natalie shrugs. “I wouldn’t say that.” She stands up and starts to undress. “Brian says he’s never seen Kevin so smitten. He thinks it’s cute.”

Trying to change the subject, Teagan asks softly. “Speaking of Brian…it’s getting serious, isn’t it?”

Natalie spins around, gushing. “Oh my God, Teag, he’s wonderful! And sweet! And sexy!”

Teagan holds up a hand. “Don’t go there. Stay with wonderful and sweet.”

Natalie laughs. “Nothing happened. But it’s going to the minute we hit land.”

Teagan can’t stop smiling. “Natalie Giselle Byron, I thought you were a good girl. What would your students say?”

Natalie laughs gaily. “They are going to be thrilled that Miss Byron isn’t going to be such a bitch now that she’s getting laid.”

Teagan’s mouth drops open in shock. Then she falls over laughing. “Nat, you’re crazy.”

Natalie smiles through tears. “And it’s good to see you laugh again, Miss Michaels.”

Teagan smiles at her through tears of her own. “Am I finally healing, Nat?”

Natalie sits on her own bed. “I think so Teagan. I hope so. You deserve to be happy.”

Dark Times in Still Waters
Chapter 12
By Dottie
Copyright 2013

Teagan slips into shorts and a t-shirt and in minutes is fast asleep. A gentle knock on the door awakens her. She groans, pulling the covers over her face as Natalie breezes out of the bathroom wearing a bright, tropical print dress. It’s a backless halter dress that reaches almost to her ankles in the back, but is cut high in the front to show off her legs up to her lower thighs. The tan she’s gotten on the cruise makes it look ten times better than it did when she bought it three months ago.

She opens the door to find a messenger waiting with a note. “Excuse me, Miss. I have a message from our VIP guests for Miss Teagan Michaels.”

Teagan groans as Natalie thanks him and ushers him out. “Come on Teag; let’s see what the boys want.”

Teagan throws the covers back. “Whatever it is, I don’t care. I told Kevin last night…”

Natalie pounces. “So you DID see him, didn’t you? Is that why he came by so worried about you? What happened?”

Teagan pulls the covers back up. “Drop it Nat. I told him to leave me alone and pay attention to the other fans. I just can’t…”

Natalie sits on her own bed and opens the note and begins to read.

“Dear Miss Michaels, We are under the impression you do not wish us to make over-the-top gestures to ensure you are enjoying your cruise and we will abide by your wishes. Under one condition. You join us tonight at the concert before the bachelorette party. Please. Sincerely, Kevin, Howie, Brian, AJ, and Nick.”

Teagan throws the covers back again and sits up. “It does not say that.”

Natalie holds out the note. “It does. They are offering you a deal here, Teag. You want them to leave you alone…why I don’t know…and they are willing if you meet them half way. What can it hurt to come to the concert? It will be dark. No one will see you.”

Teagan shakes her head, staring at the note. “I don’t know Nat.”

Natalie stands, smoothing the front of her dress. “Think about it. Now get dressed. Time for the photo shoot.” Teagan lowers her eyes and Natalie feels like a jerk. “Teagan, I’m so sorry, I…forgot.”

“I wish I could forget.” Her agonized whisper makes Natalie want to cry. Teagan shakes her head, refusing to let the tears fall. “Have fun, Nat. And tell them…I’ll think about coming.”

Natalie hugs her. “See you in a while.”

After she leaves, Teagan curls up on the bunk to re-read the note. The handwriting is bold and strong. Has to be Kevin’s. And she can read between the lines. He’s trying to make amends for going too far last night. The problem is she doesn’t feel like he went too far. She wishes he’d never stopped.


When Natalie’s turn comes for the photo shoot, she can feel Brian’s gaze on her body like a caress. He smiles and slides an arm around her waist. “You look delicious.”

She blushes. “I like the uniform, but could you turn the hat around?”

He shakes his head. “Nope. I’m a rebel you know.”

She laughs. Kevin walks over. “Is she ok?”

Natalie’s smile fades a little. “I think so. This is…too much to expect of her yet.” She waves her hand at the camera and the crowds. “She said she’d think about the concert though. She had fun last night.”

A wistful smile crosses his face. “So did I. Tell her I said that, will you?”

Natalie nods. “I will Kevin.” When he starts to walk away, she reaches out to touch his arm. When he turns back, she has tears in her eyes. “Thank you Kevin. I couldn’t help her. You did.”

Kevin shakes his head, tears in his own eyes. “I wish I could do more.”

When Kevin walks away, Natalie turns to Brian. “Teagan’s so confused Brian. She thinks Kevin pities her and that’s all it is. It’s not just pity is it?”

Brian shakes his head. “Darling, Kevin has the biggest heart in the world and he feels the deepest. He does feel sorry for her, but…it’s not pity that keeps him going back. He’s worried about her… he cares. And it scares him.”

Natalie sighs, watching Kevin talking to some fans. She can see sadness in his eyes. “She’s scared too Brian.”


Teagan can’t sleep anymore. Tired as she is from the emotional roller coaster she’s been on the last couple of days, she just can’t relax. She stares at the note, wondering what it means.

Deciding to take a chance, she gets up and pulls a dress from her bag. It’s a high necked, purple halter dress with a matching scarf. She almost laughs. She’s always hated scarves before. She even hated wearing them in the coldest of weather.

She takes a quick shower and pulls on the dress. After making a real effort with her makeup, she pulls her hair over the side of her face. Not dwelling on what could happen, she timidly enters the hallway.

A few girls say ‘hi’ as she makes her way around the ship. Many look away in shame. Most ignore her, for which she’s grateful. She finds her way to the Dynasty lounge, hoping to find Natalie. Instead, she’s recognized by one of the security guards. “Are you Miss Michaels?” Teagan looks away, nodding bashfully.

He steps aside. “You can go in, Miss Michaels. Mr. Richardson made it clear you were to have all access. Did you need to speak with him? They are doing the sound check.”

Teagan shakes her head. “No…no, I just…it can wait. Is it ok if I listen in?”

He nods as he smiles. “Of course you can. Go ahead. Let me know if you need anything.”

Teagan slips through the door and stays in the shadows as Nick and Kevin sit on the stage talking into their microphones getting ready for the show. Out of the blue, Nick says, “Seriously, Man, how can you be SO nice to her? She’s a fucking fruitcake.”

Kevin sighs, seeming tired of Nick’s line of questioning. “Nick, regardless of what you think…what ANY of us thinks, that’s still our fans. I should just ignore her because she’s different?”

Nick shakes his head. “Different? You call that DIFFERENT? She’s four-alarm freaky. Why can’t you just say ‘hi’ and walk away like everyone else?”

Teagan doesn’t stay for the answer…blinded by tears, she stumbles out into the hallway. The guard stops her. “Are you ok, Miss?”

She shakes her head, shoving him away. “I’m fine. Just fine. Please…leave me alone.”

She runs away as fast as she can, getting lost in the process. She finds herself at the infirmary. The nurse on call can see how upset she is and pulls her into a tiny, private exam room. “Are you ok?”

Teagan shakes her head. “I’m so sick of everyone. Why can’t they leave me alone?”

Not understanding, the nurse pats her hand. “Now, now. You calm down. You’re gonna make yourself sick.”

Teagan sighs. “I’m already sick. I just want off this fucking ship and away from all of them. NOW!”

The nurse is worried. “Miss, let me get the doctor. Maybe a mild sedative…”

Teagan sighs, defeated. “No. I don’t need anything. Just a fast way off this ship as soon as it docks. Who can I see?”

The nurse paces nervously, afraid the angry girl before her will do harm to herself. “The captain would be your best choice for getting off as soon as we dock. We could call it a medical emergency if you were sick…”

Teagan pounces on that idea. “Yes! Please, tell him I’m sick. Anything. I just want to get out of here.”

The nurse isn’t sure what to do. “You lie down and rest and let me get Dr. Pender. He’ll be more apt to help you, ok?”

Teagan nods. “Can I…stay here? At least until the concert starts?”

Seeing how important it is to her, the nurse agrees. “Of course you can. Should I tell your roommate?”

Teagan thinks of Natalie and shakes her head sadly. “No…please don’t. I just want to be left alone.”

Natalie feels ill-at-ease when she gets back to her cabin and finds Teagan missing. She goes back out, making her way up to the Serenity Deck, hoping to find her hiding in solitude. When she finds it empty, she starts to panic.

Making her way to the Dynasty lounge, she shows her pass at the door and gets in easily. The sound check is over and the guys are sitting around relaxing and talking. When Brian sees her, he knows something’s wrong. “Natalie, what happened?”

Natalie is almost in tears when she whispers, “I can’t find Teagan anywhere. It’s like she’s disappeared.”

Kevin jumps up. “I’ll help you look for her.”

Howie grabs his arm. “You can’t. The show starts in half an hour. We have to stay here.”

Kevin jerks his arm away. “Howie, for the love of…”

Nick butts in. “He’s right Kev. Remember what we promised her. We leave her alone, she’ll come to the show.” Turning to Natalie, he says, “Try not to worry. I’m sure she’s just exploring a little. The fans have calmed down considerably. And she did have fun last night, right?”

Natalie nods. “Yeah, but…I’ve got a bad feeling. I don’t think she’d be out running around the ship during the day. Something’s wrong.”

Brian takes her hand. “Come on, Sweetheart. You said yourself she’s doing a lot better. Maybe she’s shopping. Really, I don’t think anything will happen to her. We’ll see her tonight at the show, ok?”

Natalie nods, her eyes meeting Kevin’s. He doesn’t believe a word of it either, but there’s nothing they can do now. She leans her head over on Brian’s shoulder and fights back the tears.


Back in the infirmary, the doctor has convinced Teagan to take a sedative. She’s sleeping peacefully in the exam room, oblivious to the doctor talking to the captain just outside the door. “Captain, I think it’s best if we get her off the ship as soon as we dock. She’s a nervous wreck and anytime I mention calling her roommate she just flips out.”

The captain nods gravely. “Is she the one with the scars that everyone keeps talking about?”

The doctor nods. “She is. Captain, I…she told me what happened. It was the school shooting in Pennsylvania.”

The captain nods. “I heard it from our VIP’s. She’s had a rough time of it. Is she…is she stable, Doctor?”

He nods. “Oh yes. She’s not suicidal, from what I can tell. But something’s made her very upset. I want to do what I can to keep her calm and quiet.”

The captain nods. “Very well. Tell her she can get off as soon as we dock. I’ll send her ashore with the security team as soon as we’re tied off. Don’t tell our VIP’s. That may only make this worse.”

The doctor nods. “Her roommate should know.”

The captain shakes his head. “That’s her call to make. Until then, keep her here.”

As he leaves, the doctor steps back into the exam room to find Teagan staring out the window. “Miss Michaels, the captain will send you ashore first thing tomorrow morning. Before anyone else leaves the ship. But…we have to let your roommate know what’s going on.”

Teagan nods slowly. “I know. I can’t let Natalie worry. But I’ll talk to her after the show. Not now.”

He nods. “Fair enough. Until then, why don’t you sleep? You look exhausted.”

She closes her eyes, nodding sleepily. “I’m so tired…so tired of everything.”

As she drifts off to sleep, the doctor wonders what happened to upset her and how anyone could be so cruel as to kick a person when they are already down. Stepping out of the cubicle, he instructs the nurse to keep an eye on Teagan and makes his way out of the infirmary thinking it’s a shame she’s so scared. And there’s nothing he can do to help her.

Dark Times in Still Waters
Chapter 13
By Dottie
Copyright 2013

By the end of the show, Natalie is convinced something has happened to Teagan. After promising to let the guys know what’s going on, she finds her way back to her cabin. Still no Teagan. When she starts to leave to report her missing, she spies the note on the floor. She must have walked right over it.

Opening it, she breathes a sigh of relief when she sees Teagan’s handwriting:

Nat, as my best friend, I’m gonna assume you’ll keep this to yourself. So help me if you so much as breathe a word to anyone, ESPECIALLY the Backstreet Boys, I will never forgive you. I’m in the infirmary and I’m fine. I just want to get off this ship and away from this whole mess. I’m sorry I made your trip so lousy. I’m a horrible friend. Can you pack my stuff and bring it with yours to the hotel? Thanks Nat. I mean it, though, not a word to anyone. I’ll explain later. Love you, Teag

Natalie lowers the note. Why is she in the infirmary? More importantly, why is it a secret? Deciding to find out, she makes her way to the infirmary, finding it dark and quiet. A single nurse sits by a desk reading by the light of a small lamp.

When Natalie opens the door, the nurse looks up, smiling. “Miss Byron?”

Natalie nods. “Yes. Is Teagan ok?”

The nurse stands. “She’s fine. Last time I checked she was reading. She wants to see you.”

The nurse leads Natalie to the tiny room where Teagan lies curled up on the bed. While Natalie is relieved to see Teagan is safe, she’s angry too. “What’s going on Teagan?”

Teagan sits up. “Nat, I never should have come here. When the boat docks early, I’m getting off. I can’t…I don’t EVER want to see another Backstreet Boy as long as I live!”

Natalie’s mouth drops open. “Why? Teagan, I thought…”

Teagan turns away. “I thought so too. But, it was all a game. Just to make me feel good. Accepted. It was all LIES. I’m so sick of all this shit.”

Natalie steps closer. “Teagan, no one lied to you. Least of all them. Why do you think they did?”

Teagan snaps, “I heard them! I heard HIM! They called me a freak. Said it was only to keep the fans happy. What fucking hypocrites they are. Every last stinking one of them!”

Natalie is stunned. “Teagan, did Brian…?”

Teagan shakes her head. “I didn’t see him. I don’t…fuck Natalie, I don’t know! I just know that if I ever see Kevin or Nick again, I might vomit.” Turning away, she mumbles, “Leave me alone. I’m going to get off this boat and I never want to see another Backstreet Boy if I live to be a hundred.”

Natalie slowly walks over and puts her hand on Teagan’s arm. “Teagan, I don’t know what they said…or why. But you can’t…Teagan, they care about you. ALL of them!”

Teagan whirls around. “Care about me? They fucking don’t know what it means!” Spinning away, she whispers, “Just go. Go and have fun. But I swear, if you tell them…”

Natalie shakes her head. “I won’t. Not a word. Not even to Brian. But I’m going to ask him what they said…unless you tell me.”

Teagan shrugs. “They said just what I told you. I think Nick’s exact words were ‘four-alarm freak’ that lying bastard. I hate him. I hate all of them.”

Natalie shakes her head. “I don’t believe that Teagan. I don’t believe they were talking about you.”

Teagan spins around, pinning Natalie down with an icy glare. “You’re my best friend and I love you, but for fuck’s sake STOP defending them! I know what I heard!” Sighing loudly, she whispers, “Go away Natalie, please. I don’t want to say something I’ll regret. I don’t want to talk to anyone. Just go.”

Natalie goes to the door and puts her hand on the knob. “I’m sorry Teagan. I didn’t think…”

After she leaves Teagan mutters softly. “Neither did I Nat. Neither did I.”


Natalie skips the bachelorette party, returning to her cabin to pack her and Teagan’s belongings. She cries the whole time. Why would Kevin and Nick be so cruel? Did Brian play a part in it? No, he couldn’t have. But…Teagan’s so upset. Something happened. Teagan truly believes they think she’s a freak and the more Natalie thinks about it, the madder she gets.

Around 1 am, she’s lying in the dark, sleep eluding her, when there’s a knock on the door. “Natalie, its Brian, are you ok?”

Still mad at the world, Natalie stalks to the door and swings it open, not caring that all she has on is a tank top and a pair of panties. “Why the hell do you care?”

Brian’s eyes widen, shocked by her attack. “Natalie, what’s wrong…is Teagan ok?”

Natalie seethes, “No she’s not ok! Your fucking buddies made sure of that! How could you let them talk about her that way? Why didn’t you stand up for her? I thought you were different!”

He steps in, pushing the door closed before the entire ship is privy to their conversation. “Whoa, Natalie, you gotta back up and tell me what’s going on…I don’t understand…”

She sighs, taking a deep breath. “She overheard Nick and Kevin talking about her. Nick called her a freak…and Kevin agreed. Brian, why didn’t you say something?”

He grabs her arms. “Natalie, I swear to you I didn’t hear them say anything like that about anyone…and I don’t think they would ever say it about Teagan.”

She trembles, wanting to believe him. “Brian, she’s so upset. How could they be so mean after all the things they said to her? Why would they lie to her like that?”

He pulls her into his arms and whispers, “Natalie, I just can’t see them doing that. I swear, she misunderstood. Let me go ask Kevin…”

Natalie grabs him and holds on tightly. “No! No you can’t, I promised I wouldn’t say anything…Brian, I just…why is this happening to Teagan?”

He holds her close and kisses her cheek. “Sweetheart, I don’t know. I can’t find out if you won’t let me ask.”

She shakes her head, leaning back to look at him. “Not now. Not until we’re gone. I promised her and she…she says she never wants to see any of you again. I’m afraid of what…Brian, she’s so upset.”

He cups her face and wipes away her tears with his thumbs. “I won’t say anything about it until we’re away from the ship. Away from Florida. But I am going to ask them. Because Teagan will be seeing me and I don’t want her anger with Nick and Kevin mess up what I have with you.” His lips cover hers softly for a brief kiss. “Beautiful Natalie, I promise…I won’t say a word to them now. And I’ll figure this out.”

She leans against him. “I’m sorry I yelled at you. I knew there was no way you were involved. But…Brian if you could have seen her. She’s beyond hurt now. She’s mad. She’s so angry at both of them.”

He kisses her forehead. “If they did say anything like that, she’s not the only one that’s going to be mad. I’ll hurt them both in a bad, bad way.”

Natalie sighs, snuggling into his arms. “Brian…tell me something.”

He rubs her back. “Anything Darling.”

She pulls back. “Teagan’s part of my life. She always will be. I won’t let them hurt her again. If we see where this goes…between us…will you be able to separate us from who you are with the group?”

He smiles lovingly, leaning closer to kiss her. “My private life is my own, Natalie. Yes, they are my friends, but you…I think you’re going to mean so much more to me.”

She suddenly becomes aware of how she’s dressed…and how he’s holding her. Sighing softly, she whispers, “Will you stay?”

He nuzzles her cheek. “I’d love to stay…if you want me to.”

She kisses his cheek, whispering, “I want you to.”


Kevin heads up to Serenity Deck, hoping to find Teagan there. He’s not sure she came to the show. He hasn’t seen Natalie. He’s sure Brian is with her so he doesn’t want to disturb them. He just can’t get Teagan off his mind.

He goes to the hammock he laid in with Teagan just last night. Maybe it’s his imagination, but he can detect the light aroma of her perfume. He leans back, looking up at the stars, thinking about her.

He puts one of his arms behind his head, the other across his stomach and pictures her in his mind. Her long hair falling across her face. He closes his eyes and he can still feel her hair tangled in his fist when he kissed her. And oh what a kiss it was.

His body is responding to his memories. He moves his hand down to adjust himself as he grows harder. Instead of adjusting himself and leaving it at that, he starts to vigorously massage himself through his pants as he thinks about how she tasted. How she felt with her body pressed tightly to his. He moans, instinct taking over, and opens his pants to slide his hand inside.

The hammock swings gently as his movements become more hurried. He wants to hold her again. Touch her and taste her and love her. He moans and quickens the movement of his hand, desperate to climax. Desperate to ease the ache of his body.

But he can’t…he just can’t let go because he doesn’t want it like this. Masturbating alone in the dark to a memory. He wants to feel her flesh. Taste her essence and bring her the greatest pleasure possible to mingle with his own.

Forcing himself to stop, he counts to a hundred, willing his body to calm down and his hardness to abate. It’s going to take time and patience, both of which he has an abundance of. He wants her. He wants every part of her. But most importantly, he wants to make her feel as beautiful as he believes she truly is.

Dark Skies in Still Waters
Chapter 14
By Dottie
Copyright 2013

Teagan wakes up early, still in the infirmary. Her eyes feel puffy from crying herself to sleep and her heart feels frozen. Last night she decided she was not going to allow this to hurt. She wants to stay mad. Anger makes her numb and that's just what she needs.

The door opens slowly. "Teag? It's me...Nat. Can I come in?"

She sits up. "Yeah. It's ok."

Natalie comes in slowly. "You sleep ok?"

Teagan nods. "Thanks to the sedative. What about you?" Natalie's blush is so bright, she's almost glowing. Teagan blushes with her. "Never mind. I don't need to know."

Natalie chuckles nervously. "Teagan, I...asked Brian...he doesn't think they were talking about you."

Teagan's face hardens. "Natalie, I asked you..."

Natalie holds up her hand. "Brian isn't going to mention it to them until they are long gone from Florida. Teagan, he wasn't there. He doesn't know anything about it. And if he did, he would have said something to them."

Teagan nods. "He is a good man, isn't he Nat?"

Natalie smiles. "I think he is. He...Teagan, I told him you will always be in my life. I think he will be too. At least for a while. Are you ok with that?"

Teagan forces herself to smile. “You know I only want you to be happy and if Brian makes you happy, then I’m happy too.”

Natalie hugs her. “I brought you some clothes and your purse. The ship will dock in half an hour.”

Teagan nods, standing up. “Thanks. Are you ok with my luggage? Want me to get it?”

Natalie shakes her head. “No, I’m good. You just go to the hotel and relax. I’m…I’m going to meet Brian for breakfast in a few minutes.”

Teagan changes quickly, putting her dirty clothes in the bag Natalie brought. “Nat…tell him I’m sorry. And thank him for not…just thank him.”

Natalie smiles through the tears. “I’m sorry it was such a lousy trip for you Teag.”

Teagan smiles again, tears of her own welling up in her eyes. “It wasn’t all bad. Look at you, you’re falling in love.”

Natalie blushes. “I don’t know if I’d use THAT word…but it’s nice.”

Teagan hugs her tightly. “Enjoy your breakfast.”


When Natalie gets back to the cabin, Brian is waiting. He watches as she stuffs Teagan’s dirty clothes into a bag. “Is she ok?”

Natalie sighs, sitting down beside him on her bed. “I don’t know. She acts like she is, but I can tell it still hurts her. I’d just like to pummel your friends for being so careless.”

Brian nods. “Me too. Baby, I really can’t imagine Kevin being so cold. I told you, he has a big heart and he cares deeply about humanity in general. He’s been so worried about Teagan the last few days.”

She lays her head on his shoulders. “Brian, I want to believe you. I want to believe that Nick and Kevin are stand up guys, but you didn’t see her face. I can see through the anger. Her heart is broken. She feels utterly defeated and I can’t fix it.”

He kisses her forehead. “I’ll help you figure it out.” After a minute, he mentions cautiously, “If you want, I can talk to Kevin now…”

She lifts her head and looks at him. “I know you could. And part of me wants to fix this now. But…just wait. Let us get home and you guys go wherever it is you’re going and give her a chance to…pick up the pieces.”

He nods slowly. “But…what if this just festers up inside of her, Natalie? Shouldn’t we stop it before it goes too far?”

Natalie blinks rapidly. “I didn’t think of that. She’s so dead set on getting away from him I didn’t stop to think about tomorrow.”

He smiles. “I’ll keep him away from her now…but at least you’ll know. And you can tell her when she’s home and more open to listening.”

She puts her hand on his arm. “Brian…tell him if they were talking about her, he better steer clear of me. Both of them. I mean it.”

Brian shakes his head, pulling her into his arms. “If they said it, they better hide from me. And Teagan won’t have to worry about the Backstreet Boys anymore. They won’t exist.


Brian is the first on deck to disembark. He looks down the ramp, smiling as he sees Teagan getting into a taxi. He leans on the railing and waits. When he gets the guys alone in the limo, he’s gonna find out exactly what happened. And what he can do to help Natalie get Teagan through it.

Nick is the first one out. He sees Brian is upset and he jogs up. “What’s up Rok?”

Brian shakes his head. “In the car, Nick. Away from the fans.”

Nick looks confused. “What’s got you so riled up?”

Brian mutters under his breath. “In the car!”

Nick backs off. Brian might be short, but he’s got a temper on him. It takes a lot to rile him so for him to be this mad, it’s gotta be bad.

The rest of the guys come out and head down the gang plank. Once in the spacious limo, Nick asks Brian pointedly, “What the fuck crawled up your ass?”

Brian takes a deep breath. “Nick, what did you and Kevin do together yesterday? What did you talk about?”

Kevin leans forward. “What are you talking about Brian? You were there most of the day.”

Brian shakes his head. “I wasn’t there when you two were bad mouthing Teagan. If I had been, I’d have kicked the crap out of you.”

Nick holds up his hands. “Whoa, wait a minute. We never bad mouthed anyone. Especially Teagan. What the fuck is wrong with you?”

Kevin jumps in. “Brian, you know we’d never…what’s going on? Who said we bad mouthed Teagan?”

Brian sighs. “Teagan did. She overheard you guys talking. Something about her being a freak and you’re only being nice to her because she’s a fan.”

Nick shakes his head. “Brian, I swear to God I never called anyone a freak!”

Kevin pales considerably. “Nick…at sound check. The girl with the tattoo on her neck.”

Nick hits himself in the head. “Fuck. She heard us?”

Brian nods. “She spent the night in the infirmary and made Natalie promise not to mention it to you.”

Kevin leans back and closes his eyes. “I have to talk to her Brian. Explain it.”

Brian shakes his head. “Absolutely not. We’re all going home and leaving her alone. I’ll let Natalie know what happened and she can tell Teagan. For the love of God, why couldn’t you two keep your big mouths SHUT after everything that happened?”

Nick is starting to get riled up. “Dammit Brian, we didn’t know she was listening!”

AJ chimes in quietly. “That’s the point, Nick. The point we tried to make on the entire trip. Judging people ends up hurting people. Even if you truly are creeped out by someone, you should keep your big fucking mouth shut.”

Nick opens his mouth to protest. But words don’t come out as AJ’s comments sink in. He pales considerably. “Oh my God…I did just what they did. And I didn’t even think about it.”

Kevin is all choked up. “Brian, is she ok? I didn’t…I never meant to…”

Nick leans forward. “This is all on me Kev. I was the one that said it. You even told me to stop being such a jerk. Fuck!” Looking at Brian, he says, “I need to talk to her. Where is she?”

Brian shakes his head. “Neither of you are talking to her. Period. I told Natalie you’d stay away and you will. She’s going to take Teagan home and help her get ready for her next surgery. When…IF…Teagan wants to talk to either of you, I’ll let you know.”

Howie finally speaks up. “How will you know?”

Brian glances at him. “Once things are settled, I’m going to see Natalie when Teagan has her surgery.”

AJ smiles. “She’s a good woman Brian. They both are. Tell Natalie…I’d like to be there for Teagan too. If she’ll let me.”

Brian shrugs. “I don’t know AJ. She’s pretty pissed off right now.”

Kevin doesn’t try to stop crying. “She should be mad. We sure didn’t practice what we preach, did we?”

Brian leans back, happy to know they weren’t talking about Teagan. “Kevin, maybe she needs to get angry. Instead of feeling sorry for herself she’s starting to fight back. Give it time. I sure she’ll forgive you.” Looking at Nick, he says, “Both of you. She’s a good woman.”

Nick nods glumly. “I don’t deserve forgiveness. I think I better get back into therapy and get back to work on being a better person. I’m slipping back into old habits and I don’t like it one fucking bit.”

Brian turns to look at Kevin. He’s just staring out the window crying silently. He feels so bad for his cousin. Kevin truly does care about Teagan. And now his heart is breaking because she’s hurting. He smiles inwardly. Kevin’s falling in love again. Hopefully, Teagan will give him a chance. Because right now, Kevin needs her as much as she needs him. Getting either of them to admit it will be a neat trick. Maybe Natalie has an idea on how to make it happen.

Dark Times in Still Waters
Chapter 15
By Dottie
Copyright 2013

When Natalie gets to the hotel she's surprised to find Teagan fast asleep. She leaves her friend resting and texts Brian to see if he has time to meet her to talk before he flies to Georgia. His reply is almost instantaneous. He's on his way to her hotel now.

She smiles, texting him back she'll meet him in the lobby. She writes a quick note to let Teagan know where she is and heads for the elevator. She can't believe how giddy she feels. When Brian arrives, she can't stop herself from jumping into his arms,

After a hello kiss that leaves her breathless, he asks softly, "Is Teagan ok?"

She shrugs. "She was asleep when I got here. I didn't want to wake her."

He puts his head against hers. "They weren't talking about her, Natalie. It was another girl that was a little clingy. Had a tattoo of our faces on the back of her neck. Nick was creeped out." When she doesn't say anything, he continues softly. "Natalie, they are so upset. Nick is so ashamed of himself. He's going back into therapy. Said he’s falling back into habits he had before and he doesn’t want to go there again."

She feels a sense of sadness for Nick. His battles with his demons has been well publicized. "What about Kevin?"

She sees the pain in his eyes. He's so protective of both Nick and Kevin. He whispers softly, "He's heartbroken that they hurt her so deeply. Even though it was a misunderstanding, he's...he's devastated, Natalie. All he did was cry all the way to our hotel."

She sniffles, laying her head on his shoulder. "I am so relieved...I was finding it so hard to believe that they would do something like that. But Teagan..."

Brian rubs her back. "They won't bother her. AJ wants to come with me for Teagan's surgery. Will she be ok with that?"

Natalie shrugs. “I don’t know, Brian. I just don’t know. Once we get home, I can get a better feel about how she is emotionally. Right now, I think she’s just exhausted from the cruise. It was a lot to deal with.”

He looks around, sliding his arm around her and guiding her to a corner behind a potted plant. Once secluded, he cups her face and kisses her deeply. When their lips part, he whispers, “Natalie, I’m so glad I found you.”

She sighs, shivering in his arms. “What’s next Brian? I mean…”

He smiles before burrowing his head in her neck to nibble the sensitive skin below her ear. “Sweetheart, you’re going to find it hard to get rid of me. We have some promotional stuff to do for the album and the mini-tours, but every second I can, I’m going to be with you. I promise.”

She can’t stop the shiver that runs through her body. “I wish the cruise had been longer.”

Moving his lips to her ear, he whispers, “Next time we cruise, it will be just us…and I’m going to keep you in bed the entire time.”

She can’t disguise the longing in her voice. “Who needs a cruise?”

He chuckles. “So true.” Pulling back, he looks into her eyes. “I’m going to miss you, Miss Byron.”

She smiles at him dreamily. “I’ll miss you too.”

He kisses her again, deeply…seductively…only to be interrupted by his phone chirping. Pulling slowly away from her lips, he mutters, “Time to head for the airport.”

She sighs sadly. “Call me when you get home?”

He nods. “Tell Teagan…tell her we all genuinely care. And that Nick and Kevin are sorry.”

She nods solemnly. “I will. Thank you Brian. For…finding out what really happened.”

One last kiss and he whispers, “I’ll call you soon. And I’ll SEE you soon. OK?”

She smiles, not letting the sadness in her heart show. “Have a safe trip.”


When she gets back to her room, Teagan is awake. She sees the sadness on her friend’s face and whispers, “You’ll see him again soon, Nat.”

Natalie shoots her a watery smile. “I know. Doesn’t make it any easier to accept though.” Teagan nods, knowing her friend is falling hard for Brian. Nothing she says can make the pain of him leaving any easier. She turns away, thinking she’ll just give Natalie space to cope with him leaving, but Natalie’s words stop her cold. “Teagan, he talked to Kevin and Nick. About what you heard.”

Teagan lowers her head and takes a deep, angry breath. “You said he wouldn’t!”

Natalie forges on, despite her friend’s cold, angry tone. “I did, but he made a valid point. If you sit and stew in this, you’re just going to get angrier. Don’t you want to know the truth?”

Teagan stands abruptly. “I fucking KNOW the truth Nat. I HEARD them.”

Natalie shakes her head. “You heard part of a conversation and assumed it was about you. It wasn’t Teagan. It was about a girl who has a serious case of fan-frenzy. She had their faces tattooed on the back of her neck and it freaked Nick out. He felt like he was being stalked or something.”

Teagan whirls to face her friend. “What a load of shit! You actually believe that crazy story?”

Natalie grabs her friend’s arms and shakes her. “You listen to me, Teagan Mia Michaels. I’ll stand by you come hell or high water, but not when you’re being stupid! You’re trying to find any excuse to push anyone and everyone away from you because you fucking feel sorry for yourself. WE don’t feel sorry for you!” Teagan steps back like she’s been slapped. Natalie lowers her voice. “Teag, I’m sorry…I’m so sorry, I don’t want to fight with you, but you have to listen to me! I hate what happened to you…we all do. It’s the saddest, most horrible thing imaginable. But you’re alive and I’m EVER so grateful for that. I’m not trying to be mean or hurt you, but you’re still my best friend, scars or no scars. That shooting didn’t change you. You’re changing yourself because you can’t…you won’t accept yourself for who you are now. So what if you can’t sing? I fucking hate it for you, but you CAN still teach music. You just have to try and right now, you’re not. You want to run and hide because a few pathetic bitches couldn’t see past the physical scars to see the real you. But I do. Howie did. AJ did. Brian did. Even Nick did. And Kevin? Sweetie, that man’s falling in love with you and you just keep pushing him away. Why? Why can’t you let us in and let us love you?”

Teagan is reeling from Natalie’s outburst. In frustration she screams, “How can you love me when I fucking hate myself?” Her hand flies up to cover her mouth and she starts sobbing. Natalie grabs her and hugs her tightly. Teagan feels the last of her walls slipping away and she collapses in her friend’s arms. They sink to the floor together and cry.


Sometime later, Natalie leans back away from her friend and whispers, “I’m sorry Teagan. I shouldn’t have…”

Teagan shakes her head and says softly, “Yes you should have. Natalie, I’m so sorry I’ve been such a burden on you. I was so busy feeling sorry for myself I didn’t stop to think how I was pushing you and everyone else away.”

Her gravelly voice is just barely above a whisper, but Natalie notices a change in it. “You believe me, don’t you Teagan? About Nick and Kevin?”

She nods quietly. “Yeah. I guess all along I knew it but…it was an easy excuse to push them away.” Taking a shaky breath, she whispers, “Natalie, I’m afraid of what he makes me feel. I don’t know how to handle it.”

Natalie smiles gently. “You handle it one day at a time like you do everything else.”

Teagan sniffles, a stray tear escaping the corner of her eye. “It’s too much Nat. Too soon. I don’t think I’m ready…”

Natalie shakes her head. “You don’t have to rush into anything. Just forgive him. Forgive them both for the misunderstanding and then let him in. Let him…let him see the Teagan I see.”

Teagan shivers. “I don’t know if I can.”

Natalie smiles. “You can…when you’re ready. For now…can I let Brian know he can tell them everything’s ok? That you understand and you don’t hate them?”

Teagan lowers her eyes. “I could never hate them, Nat. That’s why it hurt so much.”

Natalie takes her hand. “When we get home, maybe Dr. Shaw can recommend someone you can talk to. Someone who can help you more than I have.”

Teagan hugs her friend and whispers, “No one can help me more than you have Nat. You stood by me. That means everything to me.”

Natalie sighs, relieved that Teagan is opening up. She’s going to be ok. Natalie can’t help but think that with a little patience and a lot of luck, Teagan just might let Kevin back in…and maybe…just maybe fall in love.

Dark Times in Still Waters
Chapter 16
By Dottie
Copyright 2013

As they are waiting to board their flights, Brian gets a simple text from Natalie. "Let everyone know Teagan’s ok. Everything is ok.” After a few seconds, he gets another text. “Tell AJ the music notes are from ‘All I Have To Give’. She wants him to know. She wants you all to know she’s not mad.”

He smiles, looking up at his friends. Nick is staring at the floor, chewing on his thumbnail and Kevin with his elbows on his knees and his fists under his chin. He's brooding. Brian clears his throat. "She's ok." When they all look at him, he waves his phone. "Teagan's ok and she’s not mad at anyone." Looking at AJ, he says, “She wanted you to know the music notes were from ‘All I Have To Give’.”

AJ smiles broadly but Brian watches Kevin. He can almost see the weight lift from his cousin's shoulders, but the sadness is still in his eyes. "But she won't see any of us, will she?"

Brian shakes his head. "I don't know. Natalie just wanted you to know she's ok."

Nick bounces his leg almost nervously. "She's ok...but does she hate us?"

AJ slaps Nick on the back of his shoulder. "Nick, you know darn well she doesn't hate anyone. Not even the guy that shot her. It's not an emotion she feels."

Kevin stands. "I'm skipping my flight. I need to go talk to her."

Howie grabs his arm. "No you're not Kevin. Natalie will let you know when she's ready to see you. When she's ready to see any of us. Just go home and be patient."

Kevin sits back down. "I guess you're right."

Brian moves to sit beside him. "Don't worry. I think she'll agree to see you someday. Someday soon. It's just going to take a little patience on everyone's part. And a little time.

Kevin folds his arms and lowers his chin to his chest. "I've got nothing but time."


After Natalie and Teagan's heart to heart, Teagan quietly reflects on the last few months of her life. The summer production she did with the community theater made it one of the best summers of her life. She's always loved to work with the performers of all ages. She had performed with the group before, but her performance in Wicked was the most inspiring...the most invigorating...she had ever done.

Then school started and once again she was doing the most fulfilling work of her life. Working with children and teaching them to love music as much as she does.

Then the shooting. When she thinks about it, she shivers. She remembers when she heard the first shot. It was early in the school day and she was just leaving the music room, heading for Natalie’s classroom on the other side of the courtyard. Children were scurrying about, trying to get to their classrooms on time. She heard a loud bang, followed by screams. Looking to her left, she saw the man. He was a younger man, and except for the two pistols in his hands, he could have been any ordinary person on the street.

His hands were raised and she could see the pistols recoil as he fired. Children were huddled together next to the fountain in the center of the courtyard crying. She ran toward them but didn’t make it. She looked up toward the gunman and his eyes locked with hers. She knew he wasn’t aiming the gun at her, but when it fired, she felt a burning sensation rip through her throat. As the world went dark, she heard the terrified shrieks of the children as the bullets kept coming.

She’s jerked back to the present by Natalie touching her arm. “Teag, where are you ? I asked if you wanted to go downstairs for dinner.”

Teagan shivers. “I was just thinking…umm…dinner? Where?”

Natalie shakes her head. “What were you thinking about? You were a million miles away.”

Teagan shakes her head. “Nothing. It was nothing. What were you saying about dinner?”

Deciding to let it drop, Natalie says, “I wanted to know if you want to run down to the restaurant for a bite to eat.”

Teagan automatically shakes her head no. “I think I’ll just get room service.”

Natalie sighs. “Please, come and eat with me. We head home tomorrow then back to school the next day. Let’s not spend our last night cooped up in this hotel room.”

Teagan feels horrible. “Nat, I’m sorry. I’m not a very good friend to you anymore.”

Natalie shakes her head sternly. “Stop that right now! You’re an amazing friend. Why do you think I want to have dinner with you?”

Teagan laughs. “So I’ll pay.”

Natalie chuckles. “That too. But for the first time in a very long time, you…you’re the Teagan I’ve always known. I don’t want to lose that by leaving you here to bottle things up again. Please, let’s go eat. Please?”

Teagan thinks about what she says and whispers, "Nat, I..." When she hesitates, Natalie's shoulders sink. She instantly feels shame. "I'd love to go have dinner with you."

Natalie's face brightens. "You mean it?"

Teagan nods. "Yeah. Nat...you know...I was thinking about the last few months. About everything that's happened." Natalie takes her friend's hand. Teagan continues softly. "And I've been thinking about what you've all been trying to tell me the last few days. So I have a confession to make."

Natalie is confused and concerned. “What confession?"

Teagan pulls her hand away and walks to the window, crossing her arms over her stomach. “Natalie, before we left, I saw the plastic surgeon about fixing the scars.”

Natalie doesn’t like the tone of Teagan’s voice. “What’s wrong?”

Teagan places her head against the cool glass. “I…he says he can fix the incision scar on my face, but the one on my neck is…” Her voice quivers lightly. “He doesn’t think he can do much for it. He’s afraid that anything he tries to do…because of where it’s at…he might make it worse.”

Natalie covers her mouth with her hand. She knows how devastated Teagan is by this. “Teag, maybe another doctor…”

Teagan shakes her head. “He’s the best in the state, Nat. And he…I trust him. That’s why everything was getting to me on the ship. I knew all along that the scars would never be gone, and every time I thought about it, I just got so…angry. I have to learn to live with…with the…comments.” She closes her eyes. “I don’t think I can Nat. I can’t teach. I can’t sing. I’ll never have my voice back. I have nothing to look forward to except ridicule from the ‘pretty’ people.”

Natalie spins her around and whispers, “Teagan, YOU are the most beautiful person in the world. If the scars never go away, it’s not going to change anything about who you are as a person.”

Teagan shrugs. “Nat, I know you keep saying it. And maybe it’s true. I thought I was stronger and could handle anything. But the things that I heard on that cruise…it just shows me how weak I am. I don’t want to be weak. I don’t want to live my life alone. I just don’t know if I’ll ever be able to listen to the comments without coming unglued. I’m scared. I want to move past this and I don’t know how.”

Natalie struggles not to cry. “Let me help you! Let someone help you! You have to let us in, Teag!”

Teagan’s eyes snap to Natalie’s. “Us?” When Natalie doesn’t answer, Teagan whispers, “You mean Kevin, don’t you?”

Natalie nods slowly. “And me. And Brian and all the other guys. Teagan, we only want to help you.”

She expects Teagan to explode. She’s surprised when Teagan whispers, “I know.”

Frustrated, Natalie wails, “Then why do you keep pushing him away?”

Teagan takes a shaky breath. “Because of…Nat, he’s the kind of guy I could fall for so easily. I mean, crushing on Nick was one thing, but the things Kevin made me feel…it scares the shit out of me.”

Natalie is stunned by her confession. “Why are you scared?”

Teagan sits on her bed and picks up the goody bag all the fans got from the cruise. “Nat, look at who he is and what he does. And look how the fans treated me. You think I could actually get close to someone who leads that kind of life?”

Natalie’s mouth drops open. “You…you don’t seriously think Kevin would be the kind of man to…Teagan, he CARES for you!”

Teagan nods quickly. “I know he does. But it doesn’t change the fact that I just don’t fit into his world. And I never will.”

Natalie sits beside her. “Don’t you think you should let HIM decide who he wants in his life? And if it IS you…nothing else matters!”

Teagan sighs. “I know what you’re saying is right, Nat. I know what you’re trying to tell me. But…he deserves better than,” she waves her hand around her neck, “this.”

Natalie shakes her head sadly. “Teagan, stop talking like you’re unworthy.”

Teagan sighs. “I’m not saying he would hold this against me. His fans would. And I can’t put him in that position. THAT’S why I push him away.” She mutters under her breath, “God knows I don’t want to.”

Natalie stands. “Fine. You don’t want to push him away and he wants to be with you. When we get home, I’m telling Brian to bring him to see you.”

Teagan jumps to her feet. “Oh no you’re NOT! I mean it Nat. I’ll see any of them after the surgery on my face. But I don’t want to see Kevin! Not until I’m sure I can handle him walking away and leaving me behind. Right now…I just can’t do it.”

Dark Times in Still Waters
Chapter 17
By Dottie
Copyright 2013

Kevin is waiting with Brian and Howie for AJ and Nick to arrive. Howie is on the phone as usual. Brian is watching his cousin closely, waiting. Finally, Kevin asks quietly, “How is Natalie?”

Brian chuckles. “Meaning how is Teagan?” When Kevin looks away, Brian regrets his words. His cousin still worries almost constantly about Teagan’s state of mind and has spent the last few weeks in a serious funk. “They’re both fine, Kevin. Teagan had…umm…”

When he trails off, Kevin looks up sharply. “Teagan had what?”

Brian sighs. “I’m not supposed to tell you. She had surgery last week. On one of the scars.”

Kevin sighs. “Brian, she’s never going to forgive me, is she?”

Brian shakes his head. “Kevin, I swear to you she’s not mad at you or anyone else. She was just upset by a lot of things and misunderstood what she heard. There’s nothing to forgive and she knows it.”

Running his hand through his hair, Kevin mutters, “Then why won’t she see me?”

Howie chimes in with his opinion. “I asked her that. She said she didn’t want to talk about it and I didn’t push it. Personally I think it’s because she likes you a lot and she’s trying to deal with…”

When his voice trails off, Kevin snaps, “So you went to see her too? AJ and Nick went. Why won’t she see me?”

Brian sighs. “Kev, look, it’s only been a few weeks. And Howie’s right, she does like you a lot. She’s just dealing with…”

He’s interrupted by the door opening and Nick and AJ coming in. Nick is complaining, “AJ she said if she needed us she’d call so leave her alone…” His voice trails off as he notices the guys waiting. “Umm, hi.”

Kevin has finally had enough. “You know what, I’m not gonna sit here and listen to you all make excuses. If she doesn’t want to see me, she can at least tell ME why and not all of you!”

He storms out. Nick tries to follow him, only to be stopped by Brian. “Let him go Nick.”

Nick stammers, “But Brian, she REALLY doesn’t want to see him. They are taking the bandages off in a few days and she’s tripping about it.”

Brian nods. “I know, Natalie told me. But…well, to be honest, her reasons for NOT seeing him are stupid. I think it’s time those two work this out one way or another.”

Howie offers up softly, “Maybe so. Shouldn’t you warn her he’s coming?”

AJ shakes his head. “Hell no! We need to back off and let them figure this out on their own. Brian’s right, they need to work it out themselves.”

Brian takes out his phone. “I’m not telling Teagan, but I’m going to let Natalie know he’s on his way.”

AJ nods. “Good plan. Then can we do some work?”

Nick complains, “How do we work without Kevin?”

Howie laughs. “Nick, we did that for five years. We’ll just work on our parts and when he gets back, he can do his.”

AJ slaps his hands together. “Howie’s right, let’s get to it.”

Nick stands. “OK. But if this sucks, I’m blaming Kevin.”

Brian laughs. “What else is new?”


When Kevin gets to the airport, he almost turns back and goes home. But he thinks about Teagan and how she’s avoiding him and he gets angry. Was it all a game? Did she care at all? Didn’t he have any effect on her the way she did him? There’s no way she faked it…they connected. And now she won’t admit it. Kevin wants to know why.

The flight is smooth and a few hours later, Kevin is knocking on Teagan’s door. When Natalie opens the door, she greets him in a not-so-nice manner. “Why are you here? Can’t you give her space?”

He steps back, surprised at her tone. “Space? I’ve given her space for weeks. I thought she wanted to be away from all of us, yet everyone’s seen her but me. Why is she avoiding me, Natalie? And don’t say she’s ashamed about those scars or I swear I’ll put my fist through a wall!”

Natalie believes he’d do it. Secretly she’s thrilled to know he’s so jealous of the other guys visiting. But she’s worried about what Teagan’s reaction would be…if she were home. “Kevin, look. I don’t…I won’t tell you what she’s told me in confidence. I just don’t know if she’s ready to face you yet.” Tossing her head back, she continues. “Anyway, she’s not home.”

His forehead furrows with worry. “Where is she?”

Natalie sighs. “I can’t tell you. She just wanted to be alone when…”

He steps closer to the threshold. “When what? Natalie, what’s going on?”

Natalie sighs and says, “You want to come in and we’ll talk?”

He steps through the doorway. Once the door closes, she says, “Teagan saw her doctor today. They took off the bandages.”

Kevin nods. “And?”

Natalie shrugs. “I don’t know. Teagan doesn’t know. She was too afraid to look. She said she wanted to be alone when she saw it for the first time so she took a little trip. Just to try to deal with everything.”

He looks at her suspiciously. “What am I missing, Natalie?” When she doesn’t answer, he begs softly. “Please, tell me. I’m going out of my mind with worry. I can’t stop thinking about her and how stupid I was. I just need to see for myself she’s ok.”

She knows he’s being completely honest. “Kevin, I think she’s ok…really.” She sees sadness wash over his face and his shoulders droop. In a moment of weakness, she mutters, “She went to Seven Springs for the week.”

He can’t believe she told him. “How do I get there?”

Natalie looks toward the window. “It’s not far, but there’s a storm rolling in. Maybe you should wait…”

He shakes his head. “No. I’m not waiting any longer. If she really doesn’t want to see me, she’s going to tell me to my face. I’m tired of the cryptic messages I’m getting from you and the fellas.” When Natalie lowers her eyes, he whispers softly, “I’m sorry Natalie. I don’t mean to snap at you. Please…just tell me how to get there.”

She goes to the desk in the corner and pulls out a brochure. “She’s staying in the Robin’s Nest Cottage.”

He takes the brochure and for the first time since the cruise, he smiles. “Thank you.”

She nods. “I’m only doing this because I think she needs you, even if she won’t admit it. But I swear, if you hurt her…”

He smiles, unshed tears shimmering in his eyes. “I won’t hurt her again, Natalie. I think I’d die if I ever did.”

She watches him leave and whispers, “Forgive me Teag, but you need him. And he needs you.”


Teagan sits curled up in the big leather chair by the fire in her rustic cottage retreat. She knows Natalie’s probably worried and she knows she should call, but right now, Teagan just wants to be alone. To think. She fingers the bandage on her face, trying to build up the courage to look. The doctor said it looked, in his words, “better than expected”. Teagan is afraid to look. Afraid of what she’ll see.

As darkness descends on the cabin, Teagan sees it’s started snowing. But her mind must be playing tricks on her, because she swears she sees headlights coming up the drive to her cabin. Maybe someone is lost. When the lights disappear, she sighs, relieved, convinced her mind is playing tricks on her.

She’s startled from her contemplations by a knock on the door. Dropping her head, she mutters, “Go away.” Even as she says it, she’s getting up to open the door. Some of the cottages are tricky to find. She grabs the resort map as the knock sounds again. Raising her voice, he calls out, “Just a minute!” She makes sure the turtle neck is covering the scar on her neck before she swings the door open. “Can I…?” When she sees Kevin waiting, she stops short.

Kevin is amazed at how just seeing her makes him feel happy. “Hey Teagan.”

She shakes her head. “Why…what are you…how did you…?”

He smiles a little. “It’s kind of freezing out here. Can I come in?”

She wants to say no, but she steps back and he walks through the door, dropping his suitcase before rubbing his hands together like some evil bad guy hatching a plan. “Why are you here?”

He turns to face her. “That should be obvious. I’m here to see you.”

She lowers her eyes and turns away. “Please leave, Kevin. If you hurry you can beat the storm.”

He puts his bag on the floor. “Did you look outside? I’m not going anywhere till the storm passes and the roads are clear.”

She feels her anger rising and she spins around. “Then you better go find a place to stay because you’re not staying here.”

She tries to stalk past him, but he stops her, grabbing her arms. “I’m staying right here until you convince me AND yourself that this means nothing to you.” Before she knows what hits her, his mouth covers her completely.

She’s stunned, not so much by his kiss, but by the passion behind it. And the fact that she greedily accepts his tongue into her mouth like a thirsty woman drinking water. His arms wrap around her like bands of steel and she moans when he bends her back, deepening the kiss even more. Her hands grab his shoulders, holding on tight as he plunders her mouth, bruising her lips.

When they break apart and stare into each other’s eyes, he whispers, “Don’t tell me that meant nothing to you Teagan. I’ll never believe you.”

Her eyes flash and she pushes away from him. “I never said it meant nothing. But it’s not going anywhere so why bother postponing the inevitable. We will never work.”

He staggers back as if she’s slapped him. “How can you say that? You’re not even giving me a chance.”

She turns away from him. “Will you please just go away?”

He grabs her shoulders. “No! I’m not going until you explain to me why everyone else is allowed to care about you but I get the cold shoulder.” When she doesn’t reply he whispers, “God dammit Teagan, answer me!”

She whirls on him, spitting out venomously “Because I want something with you I can’t have!”

When they both realize what she’s said, a slow grin spread across his face as a slow blush stains hers. She turns and runs to the bedroom, locking the door with a resounding click.

He watches her retreating form with a smile on his face. She does care. And she does want him. Slowly he walks to the door and knocks softly. “Teagan let me in.”

From the other side, he hears muffled sobs. He jiggles the door handle to no avail. Putting his head against the door, he calls out, “Please open the door, Sweetheart.”

She hiccups and yells, “Go away.”

She’s surprised when she hears his reply. “You can open the door or I can break it down. Either way, you’re going to talk to me so make it easy on both of us.”

She sighs, not doubting him for a moment. She stands by the door but doesn’t flip the lock. As if sensing her hesitation, he whispers once again, “Please, Teagan.”

She flips the lock with shaky fingers. He hears it and turns the knob, slowly pushing the door open. They stand face to face, tears leaking from her eyes. He wipes away her tears and whispers, softly, “Don’t be afraid of me Teagan. Don’t push me away.”

And just like that, she’s wrapped around him again, this time cradled against his chest as he wraps his long arms around her. He kisses the top of her head. She wads his shirt up in her fingers and holds onto him as the sobs of loneliness consume her.

He lifts her in his arms and carries her to the bed, sitting down with her on his lap. He lies back, taking her with him. With one hand on her waist, the other on her thigh, he mutters, “I’ve missed you Teagan.”

With a shaky sigh, she whispers, “Me too.”

Dark Times on Still Waters
Chapter 18
By Dottie
Copyright 2013

Time passes silently and Kevin holds Teagan captive in his arms. He thinks she's asleep because her body is so relaxed, so he lays still. He memorizes the feel of her body on his, the fragrance of her hair, the gentle sound of her breathing softly.

He closes his eyes, feeling a sense of peace wash over him that he hasn't felt in a long, long time. He's startled when she whispers, "Did Natalie send you?"

He rubs her back softly. "She told me where you were, but she didn't send me. She told me you didn't want to see me."

She fingers a button on his shirt. "But you came anyway. Why?"

He takes a deep breath, hugging her closer. "There are many reasons. I was worried about you. I missed you. I was jealous."

She's startled by his last admission. "Why were you jealous?"

He chuckles. "Because you let the others come and see you but you wouldn't let me."

She blushes, starting to push away. "I had my reasons.

He lets her go, sitting up beside her. "Teagan, please don't push me away anymore. Just...be honest with me. Why wouldn't you see me?"

She looks away. "Kevin..."

He brings her gaze back to his with his fingers under her chin. "Sweetheart, haven't you figured it out yet? I'm falling for you. I'm falling hard. I can't stop thinking about you, day and night. And it has nothing to do with feeling sorry for you. When I'm this close to you I don't think about your scars or what happened to you. I think about holding you in my arms...kissing you and touching you. I don't feel sorry for you at all...I feel weak in the knees and my heart beats faster, and in all honesty, I want nothing more than to get lost in you." Her breath quickens. She can't tear her eyes from his. Ever so slowly he leans closer. "I want to kiss you Teagan."

She bites her lip as he leans closer. She feels his breath on her face. "Kevin?"

Her whispered plea beckons him. He cups her face. His mustache brushes her skin softly as his lips press gently against hers. He moves cautiously, afraid he's going to spook her. She surprises him by leaning into him, allowing him to deepen the kiss. He pulls her into his arms, his heart over flowing with emotion. To his surprise and pleasure, she snakes her arms around his neck.

When their lips part briefly, he whispers softly, "I've missed you so much." When their lips meet again, he moans in desire, pushing her onto her back and covering her body with his. The weight of his body pressing her into the bed floods her body with desire and longing. He nips at her lips, coaxing them apart. His tongue sweeps into her mouth, teasing and tasting hers. He drinks from her lips until they are both breathless.

When they part, he stares into her eyes. She whispers softly, "What happens now?"

He smiles, rubbing her nose with his. "I'm going to hold you and kiss you and touch you every chance I get. I want to make you smile, make you blush and make you melt in my arms. I want to know everything there is to know about you and tell you everything you ever wanted to know about me. Teagan, I want to keep falling in love with you...please...don't shut me out again."

Her lip trembles. "But...how can you say..."

He places a finger over his lips. "Teagan, to me you are the most beautiful woman in the world. But I'm not falling in love with your looks, although you are gorgeous. It's who you are on the inside. The kind of woman you are. You feel things deeply...you feel things passionately. I want that. I want you in my life. I want every part of you."

She can't deny he means it. She sees it in his eyes. She whispers softly, "I'm afraid."

He nods. "I'm afraid too, Teagan. But I'm more afraid of what I'll regret if I let you get away."

She closes her eyes and he lowers his head to bury it in her neck. She tightens her arms around his neck, breathing in his scent. "I don't want you to let me go Kevin. I'm just so afraid..."

He moves his lips to her ear. "Don't be afraid, Darling. Everything's going to be ok."

She sighs softly. "Since we're going to be snowed in for a while...what next?"

He pulls back, a tender smile on his face. "We talk, we kiss, we laugh, we cry...and hopefully...you figure out that I mean what I said. I'm falling in love with you." When she bites her lower lip, he kisses the corner of her mouth. "You don't have to say anything now Teagan. I won't push you."

He snuggles closer to her, resting his head on her shoulder. She whispers quietly, "Thank you for coming here Kevin."

He smiles against her neck. "Thank you for not leaving me out in the cold."

She chuckles softly. "I couldn't have done that if I had tried."

With the last of the walls knocked down between the, Kevin feels bathed in contentment. He closes his eyes and in moments, he’s in a deep, dreamless sleep. The first he’s had in months.

Teagan on the other hand is very much awake and in awe of what’s happening. He’s nestled against her side, his head on her shoulder, his arm around her waist. She slides her hand gently through his silky soft hair. He moves in his sleep, moaning lightly. Her hand drops to his shoulder and she listens to him breathe. Her eyes drift downward and she falls into a fitful state of sleep. Loving how he makes her feel and yet…worried about what’s to come.


She awakens with a start. Kevin’s still there. He rolled over on his back, but his body is still pressed against hers. She gently untangles herself and slips from the bed. She needs distance. She needs to think and she can’t do it with him so close. She slips into the bathroom to answer nature’s call, then tip toes from the bedroom, softly closing the door.

She goes into the kitchen, amazed at how late it is. She must have slept for hours. She makes herself a cup of hot cocoa and goes into the living room, looking out the window at the snow piling up.

She feels a prickle of fear. It’s not just a gentle snowfall. It’s a full blown blizzard. She can’t see five feet from the window. She shivers as she thinks about how she almost sent Kevin back out into this mess. How could she have thought to make him leave in a storm like this?

Thankful the cottage has a gas burning fireplace, she turns it on, and then grabs a blanket, snuggling under it in a chair by the window, her mug cupped in her hands, her thoughts on the man lying in the other room.


Kevin swims to consciousness slowly. He knows she’s gone. He feels saddened and a little scared that once again she’s run away from him. He looks at the window, checking on the raging storm. He jumps up quickly, fear compelling him to make sure she hasn’t left.

He sees the light from the fire place as he quietly walks down the hall. When he sees her curled up in the chair by the window, his heart soars. He smiles, staring at her. She is the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen and he can’t figure out how to prove it to her. He sees the bandage is still on her face and his smile fades. First things first, he’s got to get that off her face. She can’t move on if she keeps on hiding who she is.

She knows the minute he walks into the room. It’s like electricity, giving her a little jolt. She looks at him as he walks over to her, kneeling by the chair. “You ok?”

She nods. “Yes. Just sitting here thinking I’m really glad you didn’t leave.”

He smiles. “Because you want me here or because of the storm?”

She blushes and looks away. “A little bit of both.”

He leans forward, kissing her cheek. “I’m sorry I slept so long.”

She smiles shyly at him. “You must have needed it. You seemed really tired when you got here.”

He shrugs. “Maybe I was, but I was more worried than anything.”

She looks back to the window. “I didn’t mean to worry you.”

He puts his hand on her chin and pulls her gaze back to his. “Teagan, I’m always going to worry about you, unless you’re right by my side. That’s what happens when you fall in love.”

She sighs as his lips cover hers. Love. He said it again. When he pulls back, she whispers softly, “Are you hungry?”

He smiles a naughty smile. “If I say yes, can we go back to bed?”

She blushes and giggles. “I meant for food.”

His laughter joins hers. “So did I. How about I cook for you and serve you dinner in bed?”

She blushes hotly. “Umm, well…”

He kisses her again. “I’m just teasing you Baby. A little. I told you, I’m not pushing you.”

Suddenly, the lights flicker. Then they are plunged into darkness. Her eyes are twinkling in the firelight. He leans closer. “Teagan?”

She feels his breath on her face. “Yes?”

He kisses her lightly. “Tell me this place has a gas stove. Otherwise, we might starve.”

She can’t stop the giggle that bubbles up inside her. Sitting her cup on the window ledge, she wraps her arms around his neck. “Wouldn’t matter. It’s a ski resort. I’ll call for room service if I have to. They do have snow mobiles.”

He laughs, hauling her against his body and onto the floor. “In that case, I hope the power is off for days and days.”

She snuggles in his arms. “I only rented this place for a week.”

He shrugs. “I’ll extend the reservation. I can afford it.” With her on his lap, he manages to maneuver himself closer to the fire. Once they are propped against the hearth, side by side, the heat of the flames warming their backs, he pulls away from her a little. “Teagan will you do something for me?”

She nods slowly. “I’ll try.”

He turns until their eyes meet and he can see her face by the light of the fire. “Take off the bandage.”

She shivers. “I haven’t…I don’t…”

He shushes her with a gentle kiss. “Teagan, it won’t change a thing between us. Please, Baby…just let go and trust me.”

She trembles as she lifts her hand, slowly peeling away the tape holding the gauze pad covering what’s left of the scar. When her hand falls away, Kevin studies her closely. He leans closer, gently kissing the still pink skin. “It’s beautiful, Teagan. From what I can tell, it’s all gone.”

She shivers. “Really? It’s gone?”

He nods. “This isn’t the best light, but I can’t see the scar at all.” When she trembles, he whispers, “Teagan, why are you so afraid of something that doesn’t change a thing?”

She sighs. “Kevin, everything has changed for me. I can’t do what I’ve always wanted to do. And every day I look in the mirror I’ll be reminded of why, as if my voice isn’t enough of a reminder.”

He holds her closer, pressing his forehead to hers. “Teagan, if the first surgery covered this scar…”

She shakes her head. “My doctor…nothing can be done for my neck. It’s too…severe and where it’s located…”

She hiccups softly. He cups her face with his free hand. “Sweetheart, I’m so sorry. But it doesn’t matter. I still want to be with you. Please don’t push me away.”

She bites her lip, laying her head on his shoulder. “How can it not matter Kevin? I can’t…your fans will never…”

He cuts her off quickly. “My fans do not control my life, Teagan. I love them for their loyalty and devotion, but that’s where it ends. If I have to choose between you or the fans, I choose you. I’ll always choose you.”

She pulls back, looking into his eyes. “Why?”

He smiles softly. “Because I don’t think I can live without you.”

Dark Times in Still Waters
Chapter 19
By Dottie
Copyright 2013

Natalie is stretched out on the sofa when her phone rings. Hoping it's Teagan, she grabs it quickly. "Hello? Teagan?"

Brian chuckles. "Nope. Just little old me."

Natalie sighs. "Hey, I'm sorry. How are you?"

She can hear his smile. "I'll be a lot better if you open your door and let me in."

She squeals, dropping her phone and running to the door. She swings it open and leaps into his arms. "Why are you here?"

He kisses her soundly. "I'm here to see you. Where's Teagan? Where's Kevin?"

She sighs. "Teagan went to Seven Springs and I sent Kevin after her. And now, there's a blizzard…and it’s heading this way. I can't get a call through to make sure she's ok."

He brushes her soft brown hair from her face. "I don't know about Teagan, but Kevin called me and said not to worry, he was on his way to see her and he'd see me in a few days. He sounded happier than he's been in a long time."

Natalie sighs. "I hope she's not mad at me."

He smiles. "Darling, she won't be mad at all and you know it. She needs him as much as he needs her. Now, will you do me a favor?"

She nods solemnly. "Sure."

His hands move to her waist. "Can you forget about them and kiss me?"

She winds her arms around his neck. “I think I can do that.”

Their lips meet in slow, sensual kiss. He growls against her mouth when she presses herself more firmly into his chest. Lifting her up, wraps her legs around his waist, planting his hands firmly on her buttocks to hold her in place. Their lips part and she whispers, “How can I miss you so much when you were just here a few days ago?”

He shrugs, carrying her to her bedroom and depositing her on the bed. “I feel the same way, Babe. I just can’t stop thinking about you.”

She plays with the collar on his shirt as he stretches out beside her. “Brian, does it seem like we’re moving awfully fast to you?”

He nods. “Honey, I’ll be honest with you…this scares the living daylights out of me. I have never wanted to be with anyone as much as I want to be with you.”

She bites her lip and stares at his Adams apple. “What if…what if this doesn’t work? I mean…I don’t expect you to…”

He puts his finger under her chin and tilts her head back. “We’re not going to worry about what-ifs, Nat. We’re going to think about you and me and how much we enjoy each other’s company. We’re going to keep getting to know one another and we’re going to see where it takes us. Agreed?”

She nods dreamily as she stares deeply into his baby-blues. “I want that Brian. More than anything.” His hand slides down her neck to her chest. He weighs her breast in his hand. She feels nervous. Even shy. Clearing her throat, she whispers, “Would you like a cup of coffee?”

He senses her nervousness and moves his hand to her stomach. “I would…but not now. Right now I just want to hold you. I’m not…Natalie, this isn’t just about sex. I want you, make no mistake, and hopefully, very soon we’ll both be naked and I’ll be buried inside you, but I’m not here for a booty call. When I say ‘get to know you’ I mean exactly that. If you don’t want to make love, we don’t have to.”

Her stomach clenches and he can feel her abdomen tighten with desire. “Brian, it’s not that I don’t want to…”

He leans down and kisses her lips softly. “Baby, it’s not about the sex. Come on, let’s go have that coffee. I’ll try to call Kevin and check on Teagan if it will make you feel better. Then we can watch a movie and talk. OK?”

She smiles shyly. “Brian…I don’t…I just…”

He kisses her again. “Shh. I told you, it’s ok. Now, how about that coffee?”

She nods, sitting up beside him. Putting her head on his shoulder, she whispers, “Thanks.”

He kisses the top of her head. “We have all the time in the world, Natalie. We don’t have to rush.”


Teagan stays snuggled up with Kevin against the hearth. The wind is howling outside and the snow just keeps piling up. She sighs quietly. “You still hungry?”

He smiles into the darkness, not moving. “Actually, I am. How about you?”

She nods against his chest. “Yeah, a little.” Pushing away, she says, “I’ll just go…”

He clears his throat. “I’ll go with you. If we work together, we can get back to the heat of the fire that much faster.”

She stands and he jumps up beside her. She manages to light a candle to help them find their way in the dark. When they reach the kitchen, she shivers. “Holy cow, it’s cold.”

He rubs his hands together. “Let’s make this fast. What are we having?”

She giggles, reaching in a drawer for a flashlight and a can opener. “Well, I didn’t plan on entertaining. The best I can do is soup and a sandwich.”

He swings her up into his arms. “Sounds perfect. I’ll heat the soup, you make sandwiches.”

She smiles to herself as he hugs her close. “Ham and cheese ok?”

He nods. “Sounds good. Don’t forget the mustard.”

She laughs shyly. “I would never forget that.”

It only takes a few minutes to get the food ready. When they get back to the hearth and settle down to eat, Kevin watches her closely. He can see she’s still nervous about him being there, but she does seem more relaxed. Picking up his sandwich, he says, “Do you know how long the storm is supposed to last?”

He sees her shrug as she swallows a bite. “Through tomorrow. I hope the phones are working in the morning. I should let Nat know I’m ok. I’m sure she’s worried. And with the storm heading that way…”

Kevin nods, focusing on his own food. “I should call Brian too, if the phones work. What about cell phones?”

She shakes her head. “I didn’t have a signal when I woke up. I can try again.”

He slides his hand over her knee. “Teagan, stop being so nervous. I won’t bite. Unless you want me too.”

She blushes, laughing as he intended. “I’m sorry, it’s just been…a long time since I had dinner with a man.”

He smiles. “Good. Cause it’s been a really long time since I’ve had such an intimate dinner with a woman. Glad we’re doing it together.”

They finish eating in a comfortable silence. Teagan stands, stacking the dishes. He starts to stand and she says, “No…just relax. I’ll be right back.”

With the flashlight in one hand and the dishes in the other, she makes her way to the kitchen. It’s so cold now she can see her breath in the air. Even though she’s freezing, she takes the time to take a few deep breaths. Reaching up, she runs her fingertips over the smooth skin of her face, not feeling any traces of the scar. Tears sting her eyes. It’s really gone.

Her fingers move to her neck. That ugliness remains. She whimpers, wishing she could turn back time and undo what’s been done. Her tears fall and she sobs silently.

Suddenly, Kevin is there, his arms wrapped around her. “It’s ok, Baby. I got you.”

She allows him to pick her up, carrying her through to the living room. He sits by the fire and holds her close, pressing the side of his face to hers. She mutters softly, “Why did this have to happen to me?”

He aches to make her feel better, but he doesn’t know how. “I don’t know Sweetheart. I wish I did. I wish I could make things better, but I don’t know how. I can’t change anything. I just...I feel helpless. Tell me what to do.”

She holds on to him tightly. “Nothing…there’s nothing…just…Kevin, please don’t let me go.”

He tightens his grip. “Never. Never in a million years will I let you go. I promise you that.”

Her sobs grow quieter as he softly sings to her. She can tell by the wavering of his voice he’s as upset as she is and her heart aches. She moves her lips to his cheek, kissing it softly, tasting his salty tears. Murmuring quietly, she whispers, “I’m sorry.”

He sighs deeply. “Now why are you sorry? There’s nothing to be sorry about.”

She snuggles against his neck and whispers, “I’m sorry I fell apart.”

He chuckles. “We all need to fall apart now and then.”

She sighs. “You never do.”

He whispers sadly, “Sure I do. I did when you disappeared. I was so afraid I fucked up so badly you’d never speak to me again.”

She pulls back and looks at him. “Kevin…I…”

He kisses her gently, stopping her. “Don’t. All that matters to me is we’re here now and I’m holding you.”

She runs her fingers through the hair on the back of his neck. “What about tomorrow?”

He smiles, pressing his forehead to hers. “I’ll hold you then too.”

Dark Times in Still Waters
Chapter 20
By Dottie
Copyright 2013

The storm rages on, but it doesn’t phase Kevin. He’s happy where he is, holding Teagan. “So, will you tell me something?”

She nods against his chest. “Sure.”

He rubs her arm. “Why did you become a teacher?”

She smiles fondly. “I had a teacher in high school that really made an impression on my life. Especially when she and her husband took me in after my parents died.”

His arm tightens around her. “I’m sorry, Darling. I don’t want to dredge up painful memories.”

She shakes her head. “It’s not painful anymore. It happened a long time ago.”

He kisses her temple. “And music was what your teacher taught?”

She laughs. “No, she was my algebra teacher. Music has always been my passion though, ever since I was little. I was playing piano before kindergarten. By high school, I could play many instruments so instead of being a cheerleader like my mom wanted, I was in band.”

He chuckles. “What did you play in the band?”

Laying her head over on his shoulder, she replies softly, “Freshman and sophomore years I played trumpet.”

He turns his head to look at her. “Junior and Senior?”

She giggles. “Drums.”

He laughs. “That’s quite a departure from brass.”

She laughs with him. “We didn’t have any drum majors my junior year. Not good ones anyway. So, I worked with the band leader and the rest is history.”

He loves to see her smiling and not worrying about the scars. “So, you play piano, trumpet and drums. Any others?”

She nods. “Guess.”

He stares at her, memorizing the smile on her face. “I wouldn’t know where to begin. Why don’t you just give me the run down?”

She giggles. “Spoil sport. I can play guitar, clarinet, saxophone and flute.”

She can tell he’s impressed. “Which is your favorite?”

She sighs. “Piano. It’s always been my favorite.”

He nods. “Mine too.”

She giggles and whispers, “Somehow I knew that.”

He laughs. “I guess there’s not much about me you don’t know.”

Her giggles subside. “Oh, I think there’s more to you than just being a Backstreet Boy.”

He sighs. "I'm glad you know that. I'm not defined by what I do...I just enjoy performing."

She pulls her knees upturning to face him more. "That's easy to see. You're all so talented and your voices blend..."

When her words trail off, he feels sad. Instead of pushing her to talk about her singing and how the accident has changed things, he says, "What were you school colors in high school?"

She glances up at his curious smile. “Seriously?” He just nods. She shrugs. “Black and Orange.” When he smiles again, she asks, “Are we playing twenty questions?”

He laughs. “Probably more than twenty, but yes, we are. I want to get to know you. What better way than to ask questions.”

She nods. “True. So I get to ask questions too?”

He laughs. “Not tonight. Tonight is mine. You can have tomorrow night.”

She folds her arms across her stomach, stretching her legs out straight beside his. “That’s not fair.”

He reaches over and tweaks her nose. “All’s fair in love and war. Next question, favorite movie?”

She tilts her head back. “That’s a tough one. I like to watch movies.”

He laughs. “Me too. So pick one.”

Closing her eyes, she picks the first movie that springs to mind. “Dirty Dancing.”

He nods appreciatively, thinking how much fun it would be dancing with her. “Nice. I like that movie.”

She leans her head over on his shoulder. “It’s such a beautiful story.”

He kisses the top of her head again. “It sure is. Know what?”

She sighs dreamily. “What?”

Bringing his fingers to her chin, he tilts her head back to look at him. “I wouldn’t let anyone put you in a corner either.” He lowers his head and kisses her slowly. Seductively.

Shivering at the touch of his lips, she pushes closer to him and he tightens his grip around her, drinking from her lips. They part slowly and he whispers, “I don’t think I’ll ever get enough of your kisses.”

She sighs dreamily, raising her lips to meet his once more. This time, the kiss is deeper. He slowly parts her lips with his tongue, gently sliding it in her mouth to taste her more deeply. She moans softly, bringing her hand up to rest on his shoulder, sliding it around to the back of his neck. He needs no further encouragement to deepen the kiss even more. His tongue sweeps through her mouth as he hauls her body closer to his.

They both are breathing heavily when they part. He stares into her eyes and for the first time, he sees trust. He smiles softly, deciding to keep going with the questions and keep her distracted from the scars. “What’s your favorite color?”

She’s thrown off guard by such an off the wall question. After all that, he’s asking her favorite color? Staring into his passion-filled eyes, she whispers, “Purple. Umm, what’s yours?”

He smiles, nuzzling her face. “I’m partial to blue, Sweetheart. Blue like your eyes.” She blushes, sighing deeply at the feel of his skin next to hers. “Where’s the one place in the world you want to go that you’ve never been?”

This is an easy one for her. “The Maldives.”

He pulls back. “Really?”

She nods. “Yes, really.”

He smiles. “Nice.” He thinks a minute. “Do you have hobbies?”

She shrugs. “Hard to say. I don’t really have time…well…I used to have no time for hobbies. I guess that’s changed.”

He frowns. “Do you like to read?”

She nods, “I’ve always loved to read.”

Glad he’s once again distracted her from the shooting, he asks, “When did you meet Natalie.”

Her face brightens. “In middle school. For a long time, we hated each other.”

His mouth drops. “Why?”

She giggles. “It’s kind of funny. We both liked the same boy and he chose her over me. So I was jealous.”

Kevin smiles, leaning over to kiss her temple. “Don’t tell her, but I’d never choose her over you.”

She smiles softly. “If you did, I couldn’t blame you. She’s an amazing lady.” Shaking her head slightly, she continues. “The boy isn’t the only reason we hated each other.”

His mouth drops. “Really? What else happened?”

Teagan smiles, amazed at how comfortable she is at this very moment. “She didn’t like sharing her parents with me. She was an only child and after they fostered me…”

He breaks in. “Natalie’s parents were your foster parents?”

She nods. “Yeah. I moved in with them our freshman year. By the time we were juniors, we were best friends. She was part of the color guard, so we ended up spending a lot of time together.”

He takes her hand, drawing circles on it with his thumb. “And you both became teachers?”

Again, she nods, this time more slowly. “Yeah. She teaches fourth grade.”

He sighs. “I’m sorry, Sweetheart. I’m trying to not talk about what happened yet everything seems to come back to it.”

She shrugs lightly. “Not talking about it doesn’t change the fact that it happened.”

He lifts her hand to his lips. “No, but talking about it makes you sad. I don’t want you to be sad. Now that you know…”

She glances up at him. “Now that I know what?”

He puts her hand to the side of his face. “Now that you know you mean a great deal to me…I want to know everything about you.”

She can’t stop herself from asking, “Why?”

He chuckles, gently grabbing her chin. “I told you before, Silly. I’m falling for you. A boyfriend needs to know things about his girl, don’t you think?”

Her heart flutters. “Kevin…I don’t…girlfriend?”

He smiles and nods. “Yes, girlfriend. As in I want YOU to be MY girlfriend. There, I’m officially asking.” She shivers. Every part of her wants to say yes, and at the same time, she’s afraid. Before she can answer, he whispers, “Give me a chance, Teagan. Let me prove to you that you’re the one I want.”

She sighs. “Kevin, I…”

He leans closer…”Say yes.” He takes her lips with his for a deep, gentle kiss. They part slowly and he stares into her eyes. Even in the dim light from the fire, he can see her desire for him, even if she’s not ready to admit it. “Please, Sweetheart…”

She sighs softly. “Kevin, I’m…so…”

He puts his forehead against hers, closing his eyes. “Don’t be afraid Baby. I swear I’m never going to hurt you.”

She runs her tongue over her lips. “Kevin…”

Her whispered plea urges him on. He captures her lips, this time unleashing his pent up passion. His tongue slides across her lips and he finds himself once again tasting her sweetness. He groans as she greedily sucks his tongue, slipping her hands into his hair to hold him close.

Needing more than her pressed up against his side, he reaches over and grabs her waist, effortlessly lifting her. Instinct kicks in and she straddles his lap, bringing her other hand up to his neck, her fingertips scratching the back of his neck lightly.

When he pulls back, she whimpers. He smiles lazily. “Oh it’s not over Babe. Not by a long shot.”

He grabs the hem of her sweater and slowly lifts it up. His fingers disappear under it, gently rubbing and teasing the warm, heated flesh of her back. She squirms on his lap, feeling his hardness pressing up into her.

Her mind reels. Her body is screaming out for his touch. Her limbs tremble as her womanhood fills with heat. She wants him. She wants him so badly she aches. Pulling her lips from his, she whispers, “Yes…oh Kevin, yes!”

Dark Times in Still Waters
Chapter 21
By Dottie
Copyright 2013

As her words penetrate the sexual fog that hanging in the room, there’s a loud noise from outside, followed by lights shining on the windows. They break apart, staring at each other in shock and frustration. There’s a loud knock at the door followed by a voice calling out, “Miss Michaels? Are you ok?”

Teagan pushes away from Kevin and stands on shaky legs. He jumps up beside her and walks to the door with her. She opens it slowly to find a man wearing a ski suit holding a big flashlight. “I’m Keith, from the resort. With the power out, we’re trying to get everyone up to the main lodge. We have generators there so there’s heat and hot food.”

Kevin wants to punch him. Teagan just wants to slam the door in his face. Instead, she says, “We’re ok here. We have the fireplace and we’ve already had dinner.”

He shakes his head. “I’m sorry Ma’am. I’m afraid I have to insist. The storm is massive and if something happens in one of the cabins…”

Kevin nods. “He’s right Sweetheart. It will be safer at the lodge. Can you give us few minutes to pack a few things?”

Their unwanted intruder nods quickly. “Of course. I have to swing back out to Sugar Hill and pick up a family there. I’ll be back by here in hopefully thirty or forty five minutes.”

Teagan looks out at the Snowcat waiting for them. She turns her gaze to Keith. “I suppose driving a car is out of the question?”

He laughs. “Oh yeah. The cars are all buried. We’ve had over a foot of snow so far and it’s drifting.”

Kevin slides his arm around Teagan. “We’ll be ready when you come back through.”

Keith nods. “Thanks. They are preparing rooms now. Will you need two? I can radio in.”

Teagan shakes her head slowly. “No, one will be fine.”

As Keith walks away, Kevin pushes the door closed and leans down to kiss her cheek. “I’m glad you told him one room.”

She looks up at him shyly. “Were you…umm…surprised?”

He shakes his head. “No, not really. I think you know you can trust me, don’t you Teagan? If you don’t want…we don’t have to rush anything. I’m not going anywhere.”

She nods, spinning away. “We should pack.”

He grabs her arm and turns her back around. “Hold on.” When she’s facing him, he questions her softly. “You do believe me, don’t you Teagan? I’m not going anywhere.”

She sighs. “For now, you’re not. But Kevin, you can’t make promises…”

He pulls her against his body. “Yes I can, because I mean it. I’m not going anywhere.”

She sighs. “You have a tour coming up, Kevin, yes you will.”

He rolls his eyes. “Teagan, I didn’t mean literally. I may tour, but I’m always coming back to you.” His eyes widen. “Unless you come with me.”

She shivers and steps back. “Kevin…I don’t think…”

He sighs. “Just think about it. OK?”

She turns away. “Sure.”

He grabs her arm and pulls her back around again. “Dammit, Teagan, don’t you dare shut me out. Not now. Tell me what’s bothering you.”

She trembles. “Kevin, I…I told you before. I’m afraid.”

He sighs deeply, cupping her face. Leaning down, he captures her lips hotly. She grips his waist as he plunders her mouth, his arms sliding around her body to hold her in his vice-like grip. When their lips part, he mutters, “You can be afraid of everything else in the world, Teagan Michaels, but don’t you dare EVER be afraid of me or afraid of us. We’re going to be good together. You just have to give us a chance and let it happen.”

He lays her head on his chest and whispers, “I’m not afraid of you. I just…I wish…I wish I had more to offer you.”

He squeezes her tighter. “Silly girl, you’re everything I want. You couldn’t be more perfect, no matter what.”

She sniffles into his chest. “I wish we had met before…”

He rubs her back. “I wish I had met you a long time ago, Teagan. Back before the Backstreet Boys were anybody.”

She steps back, looking up at him. “Kevin, I’m sorry…it’s just going to take time…”

He smiles, cupping her face in his hands. “We’ve got all the time in the world. Now, let’s get some stuff for tonight and maybe we can continue with twenty questions at the lodge.”

She giggles softly. “It’s almost midnight. That means it’s my turn.”

He grabs her, swinging her up into his arms. “I’ll tell you everything Darling.”


It’s almost midnight and Natalie feels like she’s going crazy. She keeps pacing around the living room, hoping to will her phone to ring. Brian is sitting on the couch watching her. “Natalie, I’m sure she’s fine. I wish you’d take it easy.”

She groans. “Brian, I don’t know if she’s ok or not! I can’t stop thinking about all the times she told me she wanted to die. What if she does something fucking STUPID?”

He jumps up and grabs her arms. “Natalie, you have GOT to have a little more faith in her than that! You yourself told me her therapy was going well. And if I know my cousin, he’s sitting right beside her and she’s fine.”

Natalie pulls away from him. “Brian, I can’t just forget about her.”

He shakes his head, reaching out to grab her wrist. “Natalie, I’m not saying forget about her. I’m saying have faith in her. You saw on the news there’s power outages in that area. As soon as she can, she’ll call. Or Kevin will call me.” When she looks away, it hurts him. He lets go of her arm. “I guess I should go. It’s pretty obvious I’m not the one you want here at the moment.”

When he turns away, she feels deeply ashamed. She runs up to him, stepping in front of him. She puts her hands on his chest and whispers, “I’m sorry Brian. Please…please don’t go.”

He searches her eyes and he sees sadness. He cups her face. “Natalie, I know why you’re worried, but I think the more she’s coddled the more closed off she’s going to become. Nothing can change what happened to her. I know Kevin would move Heaven and Earth to turn back time for her. We all would. But we can’t. She has to learn to accept what’s happened and find her own way again. Just like she did when her parents died and your parents took her in.”

She knows he’s right. “Brian…I know you’re right. It’s just so hard after all that happened on the cruise.”

He grimaces as he nods. “I know. That was…I never thought I’d see or hear our fans behave like that. None of us did.”

Natalie slides her arms around his waist and lays her head on his shoulder. “Brian, for the most part, I think the fans were supportive…even before my big blow up at the game show.” She blushes remembering that day. “It was just those that were so willing to talk down to her and call her names. Being a teacher, she’s always been so strong. We have to be because we deal with children on a daily basis and we are teaching them what it means to have and show respect. To have grown women call her ugly…it was just so cruel.”

He rubs her back and whispers softly, “Natalie, it wasn’t because they thought she was ugly, you know that right?”

She pulls back. “What do you mean?”

He smiles. “Did you pay attention to the ones who were saying it? Especially at the end of the cruise?” She shakes her head. He shrugs. “It was the ones who were trying to get time with Kevin. Even when he did speak with them, his heart really wasn’t in it and they knew it. They chose to blame Teagan rather than admit that they just weren’t his type.”

Her eyes widen. “They were jealous!”

He nods. “Yeah. We try so hard to speak to as many fans as we can at the meet and greets and on this cruise, but there’s never enough time to give everyone a lot of attention. The ones we do give more attention to are the ones who are genuine…the ones that don’t grab our asses or press their…umm…assets up in our faces.”

When he blushes, she laughs. “Brian, you can say boobs in front of me.”

He laughs. “Mama told me it wasn’t proper to speak of such things with a lady. Especially a lady I like a lot.”

Her turn to blush. “Well, let’s have a drink and loosen up.” He smiles and pulls her into his arms. Winding her arms around his neck, she whispers, “Thank you for being here.”

He kisses her nose. “There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.”

She kisses him softly. “How about that drink?”

He nods. “Sounds good. What are we having?”

She smiles seductively. “Jello shots. We had some frozen for a party.”

His smile matches hers and sends a tingling sensation to her toes. He reaches out and slides his fingers through her hair, tangling it in his fist and pulling her toward his face. “We can still party if you want.”

His lips capture hers with a lustful growl. She welcomes his roughness…the heat of his mouth as he sucks on her tongue. His other hand has traveled down her back and rests comfortably on her buttocks, pulling her closer to his body. She wiggles and moans into his mouth, pulling away to whisper, “Brian…what are we doing?”

He laughs. “We’re going to get drunk and have a good time Baby. No regrets in the morning?”

She shakes her head. “Absolutely no regrets.”

Dark Times in Still Waters
Chapter 22
By Dottie
Copyright 2013

Kevin’s bag is still by the door, having never been moved. Teagan slips into her room and grabs a few things to take with her. She slips on a ski suit and as she’s fastening one boot, Kevin knocks softly. “Teagan, are you ok?”

She sighs, knowing he’s not going to give up. Secretly, she’s thrilled he’s not, but at the same time, she’s still wary of what it could mean if they did get serious. Instead of dwelling on that, she raises her voice and winces at the hoarse sound. “I’m fine. You can come in.” When he opens the door, she glances up. “Is he back already?”

Kevin shakes his head. “No. I wanted to make sure you’re ok.”

She tugs on her other boot and fastens it. “I’m ok. You don’t have to worry.”

He kneels in front of her, putting his hands on her knees. “Worrying about you is like breathing Baby. It’s natural.”

Her stomach flip flops when he calls her ‘baby’. Instead of dwelling on it, she mutters, “How long do you think the storm will last?”

He moves closer, parting her legs and situating his body between them. With his hands on her hips, he whispers, “I hope it lasts until I make you believe I mean what I say. You never answered me, Teagan.”

She bites her lips, acutely aware of how his stomach is pressed against the most intimate part of her body. “Umm…about what?”

He smiles lazily, leaning up to kiss her lips. “Will you be my girl?”

She shivers. “Kevin…”

He captures her lips again, the kiss deeper and sexier than before. “Say yes, Beautiful. Just say yes.”

He nuzzles her cheek, his heart swelling up when he hears her sigh…just before she lays her head on his shoulder. “If I get scared…will you…Kevin…”

He slides his arms around her waist and holds her. “I’m not going anywhere. I’ll wait for you as long as it takes. Just don’t push me away again. I don’t think I can take it.”

In her vulnerable state of mind, she whispers, “I’ll try not to push you away. I’m so used to being alone now…”

He kisses her neck and mutters, “Never again. You won’t be alone, you’ve got me.”


It takes about an hour for them to get to the lodge. The snow never lets up. When they cross the threshold into the lodge, the grandfather clock in the lobby is chiming 1:15 am. The receptionist smiles warmly. "Miss Michaels, you and your guest will be at the end of the hall just up the stairs." Looking over Teagan's shoulder, she says, "Mr. Grant, you and your family will be just at the top of the stairs. The first two rooms have a connecting door so you'll be able to hear your children. All the rooms have fireplaces so if the generator shuts down, you’ll have heat and a little bit of light."

Teagan nods slightly. "Thank you."

Kevin slides his arm around Teagan's waist. "You wouldn't happen to have phones that are working would you?"

She smiles sadly. "No, I’m sorry. Hopefully they'll have them back in order by morning."

Kevin reaches out and takes the key from her. "Thank you."

She smiles brightly at him. “You’re welcome. We still have hot coffee and cocoa and the chef is awake if someone wants a snack.”

The eager children are bouncing from foot to foot ready to stay up, even though their parents look ready to drop. Teagan shakes her head. “No thank you.”

Kevin lifts his bag as Teagan adjusts the strap of her bag on her shoulder. “Thanks anyway, but we already ate. Good night.”

As Kevin leads Teagan to the stairs, she hears the woman who rode in the SnowCat with them say, “Aren’t they a nice looking couple, Dear?”

Kevin’s arm tightens around her waist as they climb the stairs. She glances up at him and he smiles at her. “We do look good together you know?” She tries to smile, but the smile doesn’t reach her eyes. His smile fades. “Teagan, you’re beautiful.”

She glances away. She knows he means it from the bottom of his heart. She’s beautiful to him. But to herself, she’s an ugly, scarred monster and she always will be. Instead of voicing that opinion of herself, she just mutters, “Thanks.”

Once inside their room, which is lit by a single lamp on the night stand, he takes her bag from her, tossing it into a chair and dropping his on the floor. He leads her into the bathroom and flips on the light, thankful the lodge has a generator and the lights are working.

He stands behind her and says, “Teagan, look up.” She raises her eyes to meet his in the mirror. “Teagan, look at yourself. You are a beautiful woman.”

She allows her eyes to roam over her face. With a turtle neck on, plus the ski suit, she can’t see the scar on her neck…but she knows it’s there. To her, she looks like a ghost. A pale reflection of who she used to be before the shooting. “I’m sorry. I just don’t see what you see.”

He sighs, dropping his head to her shoulder. “Sweetheart, before it happened, did you judge people on their appearance?” She’s stunned into silence by his simple question. “No, you didn’t. Because deep inside, you know looks don’t matter. Looks should never matter. Some of the most physically beautiful people in the world are ugly…because on the inside, they just don’t give a damn about anyone but themselves. You’re a caregiver. A nurturer. You don’t see physical beauty as the be-all, end-all of a person. You see who they are on the inside. Why is it you can see that in everyone else, but not in yourself?”

She sniffles, lowering her eyes. “Because…everyone said…”

He cuts her off. “Anyone that made any kind of comment about your appearance falls into the category of ugly people, Teagan. It’s like Natalie said on the ship; they are small people who have to chop other people down to build themselves up. You don’t do that. Even when all that shit was being said on the cruise, you never hit back at them. You took every blow and let them push you down lower and lower until…”

She turns and throws herself against his chest, sobbing. “Kevin…I’m…sorry…”

His arms wrap around her and he holds her tight. “Don’t be sorry. Just believe me. Have faith that I’m not going anywhere and no matter what happens with your job…I’m always going to be here for you.”

She can’t believe how much she’s kept bottled up inside of her. She sobs until her throat aches and he just stands and holds her through it all. She doesn’t even realize the lights are dimming until he whispers, “Come on Sweetheart let’s get some sleep. I think the generator is overworked and we might lose light. I’ll go stoke the fire while you get ready for bed.”

She nods, slowly easing back away from him. Looking up, she meets his eyes and she sees warmth. Genuine warmth and…love? He smiles softly, brushing away her tears. “I’ll be good. You need sleep. I’ll go get your bag and you can put on your pajamas.” When he sees her hesitation, he frowns. “What, you don’t trust me?”

She shakes her head and whispers, “No…I just…didn’t bring pajamas…from the cottage…I thought…”

When she fingers the collar of the turtle neck, he sighs. “Woman, you’re gonna drive me batty.” She can’t help but giggle at his declaration. He smiles brightly at her. “I’ll get you one of my t-shirts under one condition.”

She looks at him cautiously. “What?”

He leans closer and kisses her cheek. “Laugh more. It’s a beautiful sound.”

She blushes. “Oh, stop it!”

He chuckles at her embarrassment. “It’s true, Baby.” Before she can stop him, he bends down and captures her lips in a gentle kiss. He’s holding her hands and when she tightens her grip on him, he moves closer, wrapping his arms around her waist.

The kiss grows more sensual. Seductive. Her hands creep up his arms to his shoulders as his tongue gently parts her lips, moving in to coax hers into a ritual mating dance that has her seeing stars and gasping for air.

When they part, he whispers softly, “I love how you taste.”

She blushes, forever thankful that the lights keep getting lower and lower. Summoning up courage she long since thought she had lost, she whispers, “Me too.”

He growls, pulling her into a quick, fierce hug. “Let me get you that shirt. It’s late and we should sleep. Because tomorrow…”

She leans back enough to look at him. “Tomorrow?”

He smiles wickedly, “Tomorrow you’re going to give me my answer. And when you do, I’m going to love every inch of your body until you can’t move.”

As he stalks from the bathroom to get her his shirt, her breath catches in her throat. Tomorrow? What about now? Her body is aching for his…and for the first time in a long time, Teagan feels…love?

Dark Times in Still Waters
Chapter 23
By Dottie
Copyright 2013

Once she’s in his t-shirt, she hesitates at the door. He’s only a head taller than her so the shirt is barely covering the yellow cotton panties she’s wearing. She blushes profusely. He’s a man and she’s a woman. It’s not like he’s never seen women in less.

Opening the door, she sees the flickering of the fire. Peeking around the corner, she sees Kevin staring out the window. The lamp on the table, like the light in the bathroom, is fading fast. She sighs quietly, stepping out into the open.

He hears her and turns. His mouth drops at the sight of her. He starts at her toes and his gaze moves slowly up her long legs. By the time he reaches her face, his body is taut with desire. She’s chewing on her lip and he aches to do it for her.

Suddenly the lamp goes out. She’s bathed in the light of the flames and his desire kicks into high gear. He clears his throat. “Baby…you…look…delicious.”

She blushes, shuffling from foot to foot. He crosses the room and sweeps her up into his arms. Cradled against his chest, she loops her arms around his neck. He kisses her softly and whispers, “You’re making it awfully hard to keep my promise to be good. But I will.” He lays her down gently on the bed and pulls the covers up over her. “The hardest thing I’ll ever do is NOT make love to you tonight, Teagan.”

She watches as he strips off his sweater and quickly sheds his pants. Lastly, he strips off the t-shirt he’s wearing and in the dim light of the fire Teagan loses her breath at the sight of his body. He quickly shimmies under the covers, but not before she gets a glimpse of the white boxer briefs hiding an impressive looking bulge. She blushes again, closing her eyes.

He scoots closer to her, but doesn’t touch her. When she opens her eyes, he’s staring at her intently. “I’d like to hold you Teagan. But…not if it makes you uncomfortable.”

She shivers, not only with cold, but with longing. She scoots closer to him, silently inviting his embrace. He lifts his arm and she gently rests herself against him, her head on his shoulder. Her arm slowly creeps around his waist. His skin feels so warm. She closes her eyes to savor it.

He winds his legs with her and they end up cocooned in the covers. He sighs, kissing the top of her head. “You feel so good Teagan.”

She smiles in the growing darkness. “So do you.”

He groans. “Sweetheart, can I have a good night kiss?”

She tilts her head back and meets him halfway. His mouth plunders hers, his tongue exploring every crevice before coaxing hers into a mating dance. She squirms closer, her body on fire. The arm wrapped around her shoulders moves as his hand slides down her side. He grips her buttocks and pulls her firmly against his hard body.

She whimpers as his erection presses against her. He releases her lips and whispers, “What you do to me….dammit, Teagan, I want you so bad I ache.”

Her fingers slide under the band of his boxer briefs and she whimpers. “I want you too.”

He growls from the deepest part of his chest as he pushes her onto her back. His body presses into her and his lips dance across her face to her neck. Against her ear, he mutters, “Last chance to stop me. I can stop now if you tell me, but…”

Throwing caution to the wind and letting her body rule her head, she mutters, “Please don’t stop!”

His hand creeps up under the shirt she’s wearing and he gently kneads her breast. She whimpers, her nipple tightening as his fingers cast a magical spell. Just as he body is winding up tight enough to explode, his hand shifts direction and he’s sliding it over her stomach…and into her panties.

His fingers slide through the soft downy hair and dip lower to slip over her mound, finding a wetness that drives him wild with desire.

He brings his hand out from under the covers, tasting her essence. She watches him through heavily lidded eyes…embarrassed that he’s tasting her, yet at the same time aching for more.

His hand once again finds its way beneath the cotton covering her womanhood. This time, he doesn’t hesitate. His fingers dip inside her, rubbing her intimately. She thrusts against him, desire making her nerve endings tingle.

His head falls and he teases her nipples through the shirt with his tongue and lips, gently biting on each as his fingers move at a slow and steady pace. She fills passion unlike anything she’s ever felt before. Her body trembles and her heart pounds. Tears pool in her eyes as her orgasm approaches.

As the first wave crashes down around her, she begins to sob. Her body trembles. Kevin hears her cries, but he can’t stop himself. She’s so wet and she’s tightened around his fingers. The only thing he can do is move his lips to hers and capture her mouth, swallowing her sobs.

As the lust in her body wanes, he holds her closer; slowly letting his fingers slip from her body. He can’t stop himself from tasting her once again, only this time, he makes sure she doesn’t see him do it.

Once he’s gotten his breathing and hers under control, he whispers softly, “You are so sexy, Teagan. I couldn’t help myself.”

She sniffles, aching to touch him, but he has her arms pinned. She murmurs softly, “It’s ok.”

He sighs, kissing her gently. “This is only the beginning Baby. Each day I’m going to love you more.”

She is surprised when he moves behind her and nuzzles the back of her neck. His hand comes to rest under her breast and he whispers, “Sleep, Sweetheart. I’m not going anywhere.”

She stares into the darkness and listens as his breathing slows. She thought he was going to make love to her. She wanted it. She still wants it. Why did he stop? Why won’t he make love to her?


Not very far away, in Natalie and Teagan’s apartment, Natalie has just sat a tray of jello shots on the coffee table in front of Brian. He looks up at her. “So, what are the flavors?”

She laughs and shrugs. “I don’t know. Just pick one and go with it.”

After half a dozen different flavors, both are feeling happy. Natalie picks up an orange one. “I love these!”

He reaches for it. “Well, let me try it. I don’t think I had an orange one yet!”

She giggles and leans back, dumping it out on her throat. He swallows hard as is slowly slides down to her chest, slipping beneath her shirt. He reaches out and pulls it down, swooping in to suck the shot off her skin.

When he starts to pull back, she grabs his face and pulls his lips to hers. The taste of the shot is still on his tongue as she sucks it into her mouth. He hauls her against his body, his hands sliding over her hips and around to cup her buttocks and pull her firmly into his grasp.

She moans into his mouth, pulling away to whisper, “What are we doing?”

He chuckles wickedly, picking up another shot. “Getting drunk and having fun with no regrets. Remember?”

She nods as he tips the cup and slides the shot into his mouth. He returns his lips to hers and when they mesh together, he slowly dribbles the shot from his mouth to hers. She squirms with desire, wanting to do the same for him, but she can’t move. He’s got her pinned to the chair. He grabs another shot and repeats the process until they are both quaking with need.

She finds the strength to push him back. He falls on the floor and she straddles his body. Grabbing his shirt, she grips it tightly and rips it open. He seems shocked to see his buttons flying everywhere, but the vision before him, this wanton woman, is wreaking havoc with his senses. He manages to find his breath and whisper, “Fuck, Natalie!”

She grins seductively, stripping off her shirt. As she unclasps her bra and it falls from her breasts, she coos, “That’s exactly what we’re going to do, Brian. Fuck.”

Dark Times in Still Waters
Chapter 24
By Dottie
Copyright 2013

Natalie slowly opens her eyes. Her head is pounding from the alcohol consumption, but she ignores that when she realizes she’s lying on her stomach and Brian’s body is covering hers. The heat and weight of his body is almost stifling and she starts to feel sick. Moaning, she mutters, “Brian move!”

His body shifts a bit, but he doesn’t wake up. She pushes with her arms, trying to lift her body to dislodge him. Finally she manages to scoot from underneath him and stagger into the bathroom. After emptying her stomach into the toilet, she manages to brush her teeth before bravely looking at herself in the mirror. What she sees makes her want to hide before Brian wakes up.

Her hair is a complete disaster. Her eyes bloodshot, her skin pale. She looks closer and sees orange, green and red streaks down her body where she and Brian did body shots. She can’t help it, her body tingles at the thought of his lips on her skin. She shakes her head, immediately regretting the move.

Holding onto the vanity, she thinks back to the night before. No regrets. Well she has one…and it’s not the sex. The sex was incredible and she’s all for doing that again.

Suddenly her phone rings. She slides on her robe and staggers back into the bedroom, praying it’s Teagan and praying it doesn’t wake Brian. Her eyes meet his just as she grabs her phone. She blushes hotly as she stammers. “H-h-hello?”

From the other end of the line she hears, “Hey, it’s me.”

She sits on the bed. “Teagan, you ok?”

Teagan tries to remain positive, but Natalie can tell something is wrong. “Yeah, I’m ok. The storm knocked out the power, but I’m perfectly fine.”

Natalie sighs. “Thank God. I was so worried.”

She can hear Teagan clear her throat. “Umm, can you let Brian know Kevin’s here and he’s ok too?”

Natalie glances at Brian. “Kevin’s ok.” Standing, she walks out of the room, asking softly, “Teagan, what’s wrong? You sound…sad. Are you mad that I told Kevin where you were?”

She hears Teagan sigh. “No, Nat, I’m not mad. I know why you did it. And…well…I’m sorry I’ve worried you so much. I just…I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to get used to this.”

Natalie sits on the couch, blushing as she looks around at the mess she and Brian made. “Teag, it’s going to take time. I’m here for you and so is Kevin.” When she hears Teagan sniffle, she asks softly, “What happened with you and Kevin?”

She can almost see Teagan weighing her words. She’s positive Kevin isn’t around when Teagan confesses, “We slept together.” After Natalie gasps in shock, Teagan continues hurriedly. “Nothing happened…well, not really. It was…I wanted him to…but he didn’t.”

Natalie can tell Teagan is confused. “What did he say, Teagan?”

Teagan sighs. “He said he’d wait until I was ready. Nat, I was ready last night but he stopped. He…oh I don’t want to talk about it.”

Natalie pushes anyway. “Well you’re going to talk about it. Teagan, he’s head over heels for you. I know you don’t believe it, but it’s true.”

When Teagan hiccups and sobs, Natalie regrets pushing. “Nat, I do believe that…but I don’t think it’s…he just feels sorry for me is all.”

Natalie wants to scream. “Teagan, the last thing he feels is sorry for you. You have to stop feeling sorry for yourself. We can’t change what happened. We can’t fix it. God knows if I could I would because you don’t deserve the shitty hand you’ve been dealt. But you’re stronger than this. Once you realize that you’re still you, you’ll pick yourself up and move on. So what if you can’t sing? You can still teach music! You just have to try. The only person that feels sorry for you is you.” Teagan gasps. Natalie reigns in her emotions. “I’m sorry Teag. I didn’t mean to sound so harsh. Honest.”

Teagan sniffles. “I know…but you’re right. I do feel sorry for myself. I don’t know how to get past it.”

Natalie smiles at her friend opening up. “First things first, you go find Kevin and seduce him. Attack him. Rape him if you have to. Show him you’re ready.”

Teagan blushes at the thought. “What if I’m not, Nat? I mean, I like him but…I don’t know if I’m ready for what he wants.”

Natalie is confused. “What does he want Teagan?”

Teagan sighs and admits, “He wants me to be his girlfriend.”

Natalie doesn’t know what to say. Finally, she asks, “What do you want?”

She hears Teagan sniffle before quietly admitting, “I want to be me again. And I want to be with him. I’m just not sure I can.”

Natalie feels like crying. “Talk to him, Girl. Tell him how you feel.”

When Teagan’s tone changes, she knows Kevin is there. “I just wanted to let you know I’m ok. I’m…I don’t know when I’ll be home. It’s bad here. The roads are closed.”

Natalie sighs. “As long as I know you’re ok, just stay there and stay safe. And call me.”

The call ends and Natalie sits quietly, thinking about Teagan and Kevin. She’s startled when Brian sits down beside her. “Is she ok?”

She glances at him, taking note of the stains on his chest, in addition to the hickey on his neck. Blushing, she looks away. “I guess. I don’t know. I…Kevin got there but she’s confused about everything.”

Brian takes her hand. “Hey, we said no regrets.”

She glances at him. “I don’t regret it Brian.” Rubbing her temples, she mutters, “Well maybe the alcohol.” Meeting his gaze again, she whispers honestly, “I don’t regret it at all.”

He leans closer and kisses her softly. “Good. Cause I borrowed your toothbrush.”

She can’t help but laugh, grabbing her head. He pulls her into his arms and she lays her head on his shoulder. “Brian, how does Kevin…I mean…does he truly care about Teagan?”

He rubs her arm softly. “He’s falling in love with her Natalie. It’s as simple and just as complicated at that. He knows she’s fragile but…and I can say this because he’s my cousin…he doesn’t do things half way. If she can’t…if she doesn’t want him around, he’ll walk away, but he’s always going to love her. That’s the way he is.”

She dreads the answer to her next question. “What about his ex?”

Brian sighs. “He loved her, but it wasn’t a forever kind of love. They worked because at the time they needed what each other had to offer. Once Kevin realized he was just going through the motions, he walked away. He fell out of love with her because it was never a forever kind of love.”

She leans back. “How do you know this is?”

He looks at her solemnly. “The only time Kevin ever really cried was when his Dad died. And when he thought he’d never see Teagan again. He feels things deeply but no one ever sees him cry. I never saw him cry for the woman he married. But he cried for Teagan.”

Natalie sniffles, falling against Brian’s chest. “She has to be ok, Brian.”

He rubs her back, trying to calm her. “She will be. If it’s not right, Kevin will walk away. He won’t risk hurting her because she means too much to him. You just have to believe it’s all gonna be ok.”

Natalie thinks about what he says as she lays quietly in his arms. She wants to believe everything is going to be ok for Teagan. For herself, she’s not so sure. She became something with Brian she’s never been before. She became a carefree, completely sexual creature with untamed sexual appetites. But she’s also realized his big blue eyes have burrowed their way into her heart and she’s falling hard for him. Does she dare believe things are going to work out for them? Or will always be just sexual attraction?

Dark Times in Still Waters
Chapter 25
By Dottie
Copyright 2013

After hanging up with Natalie, Teagan turns her gaze to Kevin. She had left their room early, needing space to think. She never meant to tell Natalie about last night. But she’s so confused. She never expected him to stop. Didn’t want him to stop. And when he did, she was deeply ashamed and more than a little hurt.

His appearance in the lobby brings a mixture of emotion to Teagan. Happiness, excitement, longing…but most of all, insecurity. He says all the right words, but it’s so hard to know if he really means them. Sure, she believes him most of the time…but after last night, she can’t help but wonder what kind of game this is.

He comes over to stand by her chair, leaning down, pressing his lips to her temple softly. “Good morning, Teagan.”

She sighs softly, glancing out the window. “Good morning. It’s still coming down pretty good out there.”

He looks at her confused. “Yeah. Umm, are you ok?”

She nods, staring down into her hot cocoa. “Sure. I…I called and let Natalie know everything is ok. She said she’d let Brian know you’re alright.”

He kneels in front of her, taking the mug from her hands. “What’s wrong?” When she doesn’t answer, the grips her fingers in his. She stares at his hands, wishing…

He dips his head until she has to meet his gaze. She shrugs. “Nothing. I’m fine.”

He lets go of her hands to cup her face. “Baby, don’t shut me out. Talk to me. What did I do? Why are you upset with me?”

She chews on her lip, staring into his troubled eyes. “You didn’t do anything. Honest.”

He shakes his head. “Don’t do that, Teagan. Please. Remember what I told you last night? I said I wasn’t going anywhere, even if you try to push me away. I won’t leave. Why won’t you talk to me?”

She lowers her eyes, staring at his lips. “I just…I don’t know Kevin. I’m so confused.”

He moves closer and kisses her lips softly. “Then talk to me Baby. Let me clarify things for you. What’s bothering you?”

Before she can answer him, a member of the hotel staff walks up. “Miss Michaels, all the generators are working at the cottages now. If you want to go back, you should have heat and light and be able to cook. Our crews will keep coming out to add gasoline to the generators to keep them running.”

Teagan looks up grateful for the interruption. Until she realizes that means she’s going to be alone with Kevin. “Thanks. Umm, how do I get back to the cottage?”

Kevin takes note of her question. She doesn’t include him going back and his heart sinks. He stands slowly. Teagan looks up and see hurt written on his face. She sighs quietly, thinking it’s because she won’t talk to him. She barely hears the answer to her question. “The Snowcat will be ready after lunch. We’re making sure the cottages are warm before you go back.”

She nods as he walks away. Kevin slowly takes her hand. “If I…I’ll stay here if that makes things easier for you.”

Teagan’s heart plummets as her worst fears are seemingly confirmed. “You…can do…whatever you think…is best.”

She turns and walks away, afraid she’s going to fall apart at the seams. When she’s halfway up the steps, she’s stopped by the woman that came to the lodge with her family last night. “Hey, are you ok?” Teagan just shakes her head, unable to talk. The woman grabs her hand. “Come with me Dear.”

She leads Teagan up the staircase and into the room her children occupied the night before. As the door closes, she says, “I’m Penelope Grant. What’s your name?”

Teagan takes a shaky breath before whispering hoarsely, “Teagan. Teagan Michaels.”

Penelope gasps, her hand covering her lips. “Oh my God. I thought last night…Teagan, Derrick Grant is my husband. You don’t…do you remember him? Me?”

Teagan stares at her, a light going off in her head. She nods slowly. “From Hempfield High?”

Penelope nods quickly. “Yes! Oh my God, I can’t believe…Teagan, I saw on the news…I am SO sorry about what happened to you.” Teagan lowers her eyes. Another pity party in the making. Penelope pats her arm. “What’s wrong? Is there something I can help with?” Teagan shakes her head no quickly, a sob building inside her. Penelope can see she’s about to fall apart and she wraps her arm around Teagan’s shoulder. “Let it out Teagan. It’s the only way you’ll heal.”


Once she’s all cried out, Penelope wraps her arm around Teagan’s shoulder. “Now, what happened? Fight with your boyfriend?”

Teagan shakes her head. “He’s not…I mean…he asked…I don’t know. I just feel like…I shouldn’t burden you with this.”

Penelope sighs. “Teagan, it’s not a burden. I know in school we weren’t close, but…let’s just say I’ve grown up a lot. Talk to me. Maybe an outside opinion is what you need?”

Teagan sighs. “I want to believe him when he says he wants to be with me…but…at the same time, it feels like…he just feels sorry for me.”

Penelope pats her hand. “Teagan, please don’t take this the wrong way, but we all feel sorry for you.” Teagan’s eyes snap up to hers, anger and hurt clouding them. Penelope rushes on. “Teagan, we’re sorry that it happened. Sorry that you got hurt so bad. It’s not fair, what happened to you. And…well, we can’t fix it. So we feel bad. But it doesn’t mean we feel sorry for YOU…just sorry about the circumstances. Do you see the difference?”

Teagan’s shoulders sag. “I’m so tired of being treated differently now. First thing anyone says is ‘are you ok?’ and that just reminds me of it again.” She takes a deep breath. “Why can’t I be me again?”

Penelope contemplates her question. Finally, she whispers, “You are Teagan. Only it’s not everyone else who’s keeping you from being yourself. It’s you.” Teagan stares at her, dumbfounded. Penelope gives her a little smile. “When you see someone is upset, what’s the first thing YOU do?”

Teagan looks away, ashamed. “Ask if they are ok.”

Penelope sighs quietly. “I can kind of understand how you feel, Teagan. Derrick is a policeman. He’s been shot. It’s not…it’s life changing. For you even more so because of how it happened. But…Teagan you’re alive! You survived and from what I saw, you have a man that loves you deeply.”

Teagan shakes her head. “He never said…”

Before she can finish her sentence, the door opens. Penelope’s husband Derrick comes in. “Oh, hey sorry, didn’t know you had company.”

Penelope stands. “It’s ok, Honey.” She kisses his cheek. “I was right last night. It is Teagan.”

He turns to Teagan and for the first time, she sees the scar on the side of HIS neck, disappearing under the collar of his shirt. He notices her gaze. “Yeah, I was shot in the neck too. Only mine wasn’t a ricochet.”

Teagan stammers quietly, “I’m so sorry.”

He smiles at her. “Don’t be. I lived, that’s all that matters.”

Teagan stands swiftly, his words sinking in. “I better go get ready to go back to the cottage. It was nice seeing you again.”

Penelope hugs her gently. “Wait…let me give you my number. Call me if you ever just want to talk.”

After she leaves, Penelope hugs her husband tightly. “Sweetheart, before we head back I want to go talk with her boyfriend.”

Derrick shakes his head. “Can’t you just stay out of it?”

Penelope sighs. “I’m a therapist, Derrick. She needs him. Thank God she’s not a patient or I couldn’t do what I’m about to. He needs to know what she’s feeling. She’s never going to tell him so I will.” He shakes his head as his wife leaves. One thing he knows for sure, it wouldn’t do any good if he tried.


Penelope finds Kevin in the lobby. She overhears him talking about taking a room and she steps up. “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be rude, but may I speak to you before you make that decision.”

Kevin is taken aback by her lack of manners. “I’m sorry, who are you?”

She smiles brightly. “Penelope Grant. My family and I rode in with you last night from the cottages.”

Kevin nods slowly, taking her hand to shake it. “Is there something I can do for you?”

She nods affirmatively. “Yes. Don’t give up on Teagan. She needs you.”

His eyes widen. “How do you know Teagan?”

She glances at the clerk. “Can we please talk?” He nods, following her over to a couple of overstuffed chairs in the corner. She takes one, he takes the other. “I don’t mean to be so bold, but…well I went to school with Teagan. My husband and I both did. I recognized her last night, and this morning, when she came upstairs, she was so upset. I talked to her and…” She takes a deep breath. “She’s upset because she feels like you just feel sorry for her and that’s why you’re with her.”

His eyes show the hurt he feels. “I told her…”

Penelope smiles at him. “Kevin, I’m a therapist. I help people like Teagan cope on a daily basis. I can tell you this only because she isn’t my patient. Stop treating her like a fragile piece of glass. Treat her like a woman. Tell her how you really feel about her. Show her that what happened doesn’t matter in the slightest to you.”

His mouth falls open. “But she knows…”

Penelope shakes her head. “No, she doesn’t. She needs the words Kevin. She needs to feel like a woman again and she can’t if you keep treating her like she’s going to break. She’s stronger than you know. She’s stronger than SHE knows. You have to make her see it.”

She stands and walks away. He looks out the window, wondering if she’s right. Is Teagan ready for the kind of relationship he wants? Does she care as much for him as he does for her? He stands up swiftly, determined to find out.

Dark Times in Still Waters
Chapter 26
By Dottie
Copyright 2013

Kevin gets to their room to find Teagan packing. She looks up when he comes in and blushes. He smiles softly. She looks away. "Did you...decide what you want to do?"

Instead of just hearing her words, he hears sadness. Insecurity. He hears what the woman in the lobby was trying to tell him. Teagan needs the words. And she needs his actions to speak louder than his words.

He moves into the room and gently closes the door. He leans against it, knowing if he touches her they may not make it back to the cottage that afternoon. He crosses his arms. "I'm going to stay with you Teagan."

She takes a shaky breath, more than relieved to hear his words. "They said we'd be going back...to the cottage...soon."

He sees the tension in her body, but he knows now she's not really afraid of him. She wants more than just the words. She needs to know he means everything he says. Taking a chance that he can control the carnal urges he's feeling, he moves away from the door.

When he's standing close to her side he reaches out and touches her back. "Teagan look at me." When she slowly turns her eyes up to his, he whispers, "I told you, I won't leave."

She shivers at his words. She can't stop herself from whispering, "Why?"

His hands come up to cup her face, stroking her cheeks softly with his thumbs. "Ask me again when we're back in the cottage. If I tell you now..." His lips move closer and he kisses her softly. The kiss deepens. He steals her breath as he hauls her body in closer.

Just as his tongue slips between her lips, there's a knock at the door. "Miss Michaels, the Snowcat is ready."

They part with a gasp from her and a groan from him. He whispers, "Remember one thing, Teagan. I'm falling in love with you."


The trip in the Snowcat is eerily quiet. Teagan feels the heat of Kevin's gaze but she can't look at him. He said it again. He's falling in love with her. What does that mean? What kind of love does he feel?

When they disembark, the driver handing them their bags, he offers this advice. "Don't stray far from your cottage. The storm is expected to last for several more hours. We'll be back to refuel the generator before dark."

Teagan nods. "Thanks."

As he pulls away, Kevin guides her inside the cottage, helping her with her coat. She moves to the fire, not sure what's next. She jumps when his arms circle her waist. He puts his lips next to her ear and whispers "Don't be afraid of me."

She shivers. "I'm not afraid of you."

He chuckles. "Don't be afraid of what you're feeling."

She whimpers when his hands move up her torso. "Kevin, I..."

He kisses her neck, moving one of his hands up to take her chin and turn her face to his. Her gasp of longing is swallowed when his lips cover hers heatedly. She allows herself to savor the heat spreading through her blood as he coaxes her tongue into a dance.

As he holds her face so his lips can plunder hers, his other hand firmly cups her breast, gently kneading her tender flesh as she fully gives herself to him and his touch. Suddenly, he pulls his lips away, spinning her around until they are facing each other fully. Unleashing the passion that's been building inside him, he crushes her in his embrace and takes her mouth in another heated kiss.

Her arms circle his waist and she holds on to him tightly, surrendering every part of herself to him. He senses her surrender. He can almost smell her desire as he lifts her in his arms, carrying her to the bed.

When he lays her on her back, his body sinks down beside hers. Looking into her eyes, he whispers, "Teagan, do you know why I came?"

She shakes her head slowly. ”No, I don’t. Why?"

He takes a lock of her hair and rubs it between his fingers. He smiles softly, his eyes filled with emotion. "I'm here because ever since the first time I laid eyes on you, I haven't been able to get you out of my head. I’ve dreamed of you, I’ve ached to hold you. All because you’ve crawled under my skin and into my heart.” When she gasps, he whispers, “I do love you Teagan Mia Michaels. That’s why I won’t ever leave you.”

Tears fill her eyes as he leans closer and captures her lips in a sexy kiss. Her fingers tangle in his hair as sobs rack her body. He moves his face to her neck, slipping his arms under her body to cradle her as she wraps her arms and legs around him. He moves his lips to her ear, tears of his own stinging his eyes. “Baby, Baby, please don’t cry. My old heart can’t take it.”

She hiccups and giggles, her heart fluttering. “You’re not old.”

He laughs, pushing up to roll off her body and onto his side beside her. He props up on his elbow and traces her face with a single finger. “I’m really hoping this means that some part of you has fallen for me too?”

She blushes hotly, slowly nodding her head. “Oh I have Kevin. I did on the ship but…”

His eyes darken and sadness creeps into the room. He leans forward, kissing her tear stained cheek. “Don’t think about the cruise. Think about us. You and me Teagan. The cruise is in the past.”

She sighs, wanting to snuggle closer to him and he scoops her into his arms, squeezing her. She sighs against his chest. “It wasn’t all bad.”

He smiles kissing the top of her head. “No it wasn’t. Our night on deck together was more than nice.”

He feels her shiver and his smile widens when she says, “I wanted to just stay there forever.”

He lazily runs his hand down her arm. “I came back looking for you when you disappeared. Every part of me wanted to love you that night.”

She trembles, shyly admitting, “I wanted it too. You made me forget for a minute that…”

When her voice trails off, he pushes her onto her back. As she stares up at him, he whispers, “I want you to forget. I want you to only think about you and me and the endless nights of love we have ahead of us.”

Her lip quivers. She runs her hand up his arm and whispers, “Just nights?”

His wicked smile makes her heart race. “We’ll have the days too Baby. I promise.”


Natalie and Brian are restless. After cleaning up the mess and showering, they find themselves going stir crazy. Both have pent up energy that needs to be worked off, so Brian suggests a foray out into the snow.

Once outside, they become kids again. First they attempt to build a snowman that ends up looking like a lump of snow with eyes and arms. Then Natalie grabs a ball of snow and lobs it at Brian, catching him square in the chest. His playful growl makes her squeal and she tries to run as he takes off after her. When he catches her, he pushes her into a snow bank and falls on top of her. Their eyes meet and he whispers, “If I had to be stranded by this storm, I’m glad it was with you.”

The cold snow against her back is nothing compared to the lustful heat in his eyes. As bundled up as they are, she can’t really touch him, but her gaze speaks volumes more than her whispered agreement. “I’m glad you’re here too.”

He kisses her then. The friction of their lips bringing warmth into their bodies. From behind Brian, a voice calls out, “Would you two mind taking it inside? We need to plow this lot.”

Natalie blushes as Brian chuckles. He jumps up, holding out his hand. He turns to the driver of the snow plow and says, “Sure thing. We were just making snow men.”

The plow driver laughs, shaking his head. “Son, you don’t make snow MEN that way. You make babies that way! Now get moving!”

Natalie averts her gaze, her face blazing with shame as Brian takes her hand. They make their way out of the lot and back into the building. As the elevator rises to Natalie’s floor, Brian asks softly, “Are you cold?”

She shivers. “Just a bit. You?”

He shakes his head, stepping closer to her. “No. Not at all. I’m feeling rather warm.” When she gasps, he smiles lazily. “I think I need to shed a few layers.”

As he unbuttons his coat, she murmurs, “We’re in an elevator?”

His laugh if wicked. “Yes I know…and when we get to your floor, and into your room, I’m going to fight my way through every layer you’re wearing and taste every inch of your body.”

Her body trembles. “More jello shots?”

He shakes his head. “No, this time I’m going to get drunk on you.”

Dark Times in Still Waters
Chapter 27
By Dottie
Copyright 2013

Teagan and Kevin spend hours lying in bed talking. As much as they want to make love, neither of them make a move. Both are content…happy even…just to lay and hold each other.

Teagan finally gets brave enough to ask, “Why did you leave the group Kevin?”

He sighs, contemplating the best way to answer the question. Finally, he says truthfully, “I thought it was the only way to save my marriage.”

She’s thoughtful for a moment before quietly saying, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked.”

He sighs, fighting down the frustration he feels at her uneasiness. “Teagan, I have no secrets. I don’t intend to ever hide anything from you. I just…it seems odd to talk to my new girlfriend about my ex-wife. At the time I left the group, I was convinced touring was what was killing my marriage.”

She lets her fingers slide restlessly on his chest, wishing they weren’t wearing so many clothes. Blushing at the thought of being naked with him, she shivers. “You must have loved her very much.”

He sighs. “In a way, I suppose I did. But, I think it was more that I didn’t want to face up to the fact that I made a mistake. We dated forever because we were comfortable with each other. I think that’s even why we got married. But we were never truly happy. The long tours led to a lot of lonely nights and she complained. So, I left the group to focus on what I thought was most important. Turns out, even when I was home, we were both still lonely. Most nights I spent in my office writing music. After I left the group, nothing got better. It only got worse. So we quietly divorced and last year I decided it was time to come home.”

She smiles, rubbing her face against his soft sweater. “I was so happy when you came back. I mean, the guys sounded good, but when your voice was added back into the mix…it was magic.”

He chuckles. “Stop it! I’m not that good.”

She tilts her head back to meet his gaze. “Kevin, I’m serious. The Backstreet Boys were never meant to be a quartet. The harmony…the way your voices blend, it’s incredible. And the sound has only improved. Your voices have matured and the sound is phenomenal.”

He blushes hotly. “Sweetheart, flattery will get you everywhere with me, but you don’t need to…”

She cuts him off, putting her fingertips over his lips. “It’s not flattery. It’s honesty.”

He kisses her fingertips before whispering, “Thank you Sweetheart.”

She slides her hand to the side of his face as they move closer together to kiss. The touch of his lips ignites a side of her that’s been dormant for a long time. He senses her passion and pulls her up onto his body, allowing her to set the pace as his hands roam lazily from her neck to her backside and up again.

She whimpers against his lips, aching to feel his skin. She moves her lips from his and kisses across his face, shivering as his goatee tickles her neck. When her lips are by his ear, she whispers, “Please…”

He smiles lazily into her hair, letting his hands fall to her waist. With her knees on either side of him, he presses up slowly, pushing his body against the weight of hers. They both moan and he whispers, “I need to feel you, Teagan.”

She blushes hotly, but rolls off of him. She sits up and he moves to his knees behind her. As he wraps his arms around her torso, she tilts her head back to look at him. Love radiates from his eyes and happiness shines from hers. He kisses her, letting his passion flow from his body to hers between their lips. He swallows her gasp as his tongue strokes hers, swirling around it like a lollipop.

She turns to face him, standing by the bed. Her arms snake around his neck as he moves forward, pinning her body to his. He moves with fluidity, sliding to his feet beside his woman, his hands slowly finding their way under her sweater.

They step apart, their eyes glazed with desire, as they begin to undress each other. He helps her off with her sweater first, salivating at the sight of her in a skin tight, baby blue turtle neck. He drops her sweater to the floor as she pushes his sweater up his torso. Once it’s gone, she slowly begins unbuttoning his shirt. She wants to groan when she sees the t-shirt underneath it. She’s dying to feel his skin.

He smiles heatedly at her frustration, whispering, “It won’t take long to get it off.” In a matter of seconds, she’s undone the last button and he’s shrugging out of the shirt, dropping it quickly to tug the t-shirt from his jeans. Once it’s over his head and on the floor, her fingertips find his neck, moving slowly and sensually down his chest to his stomach before going back up again. When she teases his nipples with her index fingers, he grabs her wrists, holding her hands firmly against his body. Her eyes slide upward to meet his stare and he whispers, “I want to feel you too.”

She’s mesmerized as he quickly divests himself of his pants, standing before her in black boxer briefs, his manhood straining for release. Even though she’s blushing profusely, aching to see him in all his glory, her insecurities over take her as he tugs her turtle neck from her pants and pushes it up over her head.

She lowers her eyes, hoping to hide the scars. He grabs her chin, tilting her head back so that her eyes meet his. “Don’t hide Teagan. Don’t you ever hide from me.”

The intensity of his gaze startles her. She can’t look away as he opens her jeans and pushes them down over her hips. She steps out of them, standing before him in her peach bra and panty set. His fingers skim over the satin covering her straining nipples and she whimpers. Their eyes lock and she whispers his name softly. “Kevin…”

He smiles, letting his fingertips find the hook between her breasts. With two fingers, he deftly opens it and her breasts are bared to his gaze, her nipples taut with desire. He can’t stop himself from leaning down, placing a lingering kiss on each as she shivers. Her bra falls away and his fingertips slip inside her panties, teasing her sensitized skin. She gasps when he pushes them down over her hips and thighs. They fall to the floor around her ankles as his hands roam lazily down her hips to her thighs.

He drinks in every detail of her body. Her flawless, all-be-it pale skin, covered in goose bumps, her dusky nipples begging for his lips, and the neatly trimmed hair giving him teasing glimpses of the very essence of her.

He’s surprised when he feels her hands slip beneath the waist band of his briefs, but he knows if she touches him, all hope of getting inside her will be lost for while. He quickly grabs her wrists and returns her hands to his chest. She looks up at him, blushing, and he whispers, “You touch me there and I’ll lose it.”

She smiles shyly as he pushes his briefs down, kicking them away. He may have stopped her from touching, but he can’t stop her from looking. When her gaze sees the length of his hardness, she trembles. She knew he’d be big, but the beauty of his manhood makes her salivate. She wants to feel it, touch it, taste it with every fiber of her being.

Sensing her passion hitting new heights, he carefully lowers her to the bed and stretches out beside her, moving slowly to cover her with the length of his body, nestling his hardness between the juncture of her thighs. She opens herself to him easily, aching to be one with him.

When their bodies mesh together with him nestled deep inside her, he stops, almost panicked. His gaze locks with hers. “Teagan, a condom…”

She smiles awkwardly. “It’s ok, you don’t need…I take…unless…”

He lowers his lips to hers. “I don’t think I can stop…”

They move slowly as one, their lips locked in a sensual mating dance. The natural rhythm of their bodies matches the rhythm of their tongues teasing each other. Her hands roam over his back and shoulders, tracing his muscles, gripping him, urging him to go deeper and deeper inside her.

When his lips find her neck, reality comes crashing back, almost stifling her. He senses her panic and whispers, “Let it go, Baby…” She whimpers, her body aching for his even as her insecurities force their way into her mind. He moves his lips slowly, purposefully over her scars…kissing them. He tastes her flesh in the most sensual way, his tongue gliding effortlessly over the source of her insecurities, letting her know he loves even this disfigured part of her body. To him, she’s not disfigured…she’s perfection from head to toe.

The flames of her passion overpower her insecurities and she finally lets them go, gasping as Kevin brings her body to a crashing orgasm. Her climax triggers his own as she tightens around him. His arms slide under her body, gripping her as he plants his seed deep inside her. She sobs in ecstasy as every nerve in her body tingles.

He holds her tight, his face buried in her shoulder, nipping at the tender skin under her ear. “Shh Baby, please don’t cry.”

She sniffles and hiccups. “Kevin…oh Kevin…I love you!”

His heart soars with joy as he hears her impassioned declaration. “My sweet Teagan, I love you too.”

She hears his whispered confession and opens her heart, giving herself fully to him. He’s the man of her dreams. Her knight in shining armor. The love of her life.

Dark Skies in Still Waters
Chapter 28
By Dottie
Copyright 2013

Kevin feels her body slowly relax against his. Her breathing deep and even. He smiles, lightly kissing the top of her head. She trusts him. She loves him. That’s all that he ever wanted. But his mind can’t help going to a dark place. Here they are alone. Isolated. It’s just them. No fans, no press, no outside world. The outside world is his life. He tried once to leave the group and it didn’t work. He knows now that was because he left for the wrong reasons. Teagan could very well be the right reason.

But he doesn’t want to leave again. Will he be able to find a way to balance the two? Stay with the guys to record and perform…and still be here for Teagan? He knows she is strong and eventually she’s going to accept what has happened and move on with her life. Her life with him. In the interim, can he be there enough for her that she won’t give up? He slips into a troubled sleep, wishing he knew what to do.


Teagan, on the other hand, is not asleep. Her body relaxed against his because she’s sated. She feels tired and ecstatic and most of all, loved. But she doesn’t sleep. Sleep brings the dreams and she doesn’t want to relive it again. Not after what just happened.

She’s never felt like Kevin makes her feel. Even when she was whole and unscarred, she never felt like this. He accepts her just as she is. Even the scars and her gravelly voice haven’t sent him running. Here he is, holding her…loving her. But she’s so afraid of what’s to come.

Regardless of what he said, she knows she will never be good enough for him in the eyes of his fans. And she would never…could never ever ask him to give up his career. He said it himself…being with the group is home for him. And she meant it when she said the Backstreet Boys were never meant to be a quartet.

So where does that leave them? Her hiding...waiting for him when he’s not on tour? Without a doubt, she’d wait for him forever. Now she just has to prove it to him.


Natalie wakes up slowly. Brian’s behind her, his arm around her waist, his hand resting lazily against the juncture of her thighs. She blushes with pleasure as she remembers the night before.

True to his word, he did seem to get drunk on her. She closes her eyes again, reliving every tough, every kiss, every caress. He knew just where to touch her to make her come unglued. Knew just when to slow down to prolong the ecstasy…and he knew just when it was time to let go. She never had an orgasm before that brought her to tears. Last night did.

When her body had reached its pinnacle and her climax overcame her, she felt things she had never felt before. She always thought people were nuts when they said they saw stars and the Earth moved. Until now. Last night she experienced what she’s always thought true love would be. And there’s not a doubt in her mind she’s falling in love with Brian. But…while he made her feel things she’s never felt before, when they aren’t making love, she feels like he’s not…hers.

She sighs, gently lifting his arm and sliding away from him. She grabs her robe and tiptoes into the bathroom, more than confused about what’s happening between them.

Once the door is locked, giving her much needed privacy, she stares at herself in the mirror. She doesn’t LOOK any different. She stares at herself and thinks about Brian. Instantly, her gaze softens, and for the first time, she can see the effect he has on her. She is falling in love with him. If she hasn’t already.

Shaking her head, she steps away from the mirror. “No, it can’t be love!” Her whisper startles her as she didn’t mean to voice her thoughts. She turns on the shower, hoping the hot water will ease the tension in her neck and clear her head.

Just as she’s adjusting the temperature, Brian knocks on the door. “Natalie, you ok?”

Stretching her neck, she calls out, “Fine. I’m sorry if I woke you. Go back to sleep.”

He knocks again. “I don’t want to sleep. Open the door.”

Thinking he’s going to join her in the shower, she unlocks the door and yells, “Come on in,” as she steps into the shower and slides the door shut.

She sees the outline of his body through the frosted glass and waits. To her utter shock, he steps up to the toilet and she hears him urinating. Talk about a romantic mood killer that was it. He raises his voice to ask, “Is it ok to flush?”

She sighs quietly, somewhat disturbed by his nonchalant attitude. “I suppose so…”

He laughs. “Well, head’s up, don’t want to freeze you out.”

She never thought about the water temp and steps away from the spray as he flushes. Sure enough, the water briefly chills, making her shiver when it hits her feet. After a few seconds, it warms back up and she steps back under, grateful he at least warned her.

He opens the door and pops his head in, giving her a lecherous glance. “My my, you DO look delicious wet…but I’m starved. I’m going to make breakfast. You hungry?”

She stomps down on the appetite of her libido and nods. “Sure. I’ll be out in a few minutes.”

He smiles, leaning in to kiss her. “Take your time, Babe. I’m not going anywhere.”


After her shower, she finds him in the kitchen whipping eggs in a bowl. As she pulls juice from the refrigerator, he puts down the bowl and saunters over to her. Putting his arms around her waist from behind, he breathes in deeply. “MMM you smell good enough to eat.”

She shivers in his arms. “You won’t keep your strength up if you only eat me.”

He slides his hand over her stomach to the juncture of her thighs and mutters, “If I died, I’d die happy, Baby. You are De-lish!”

She laughs at his silliness to cover up the longing in her body. “What can I do to help?”

He turns back to the stove. “I saw a hunk of cheddar in there. Don’t suppose you could grate it for me? Making omelets.”

She nods, reaching back in for the cheese. “Sounds good.” She looks out the window. “Looks like the snow really piled up.”

He snorts. “You got that right. I have a feeling Kevin and Teagan will be trapped a few days.”

She focuses on shredding the cheese without shredding her knuckles and asks casually, “What about you?”

She doesn’t hear him step up behind her and jumps when he circles her waist again with his arms, kissing her soundly on the neck. “I’m all yours until you kick me out…or until we have to meet in L.A. for rehearsals. Whichever comes first.”

She sighs, happy to know he plans on hanging out, but still uncertain of how he feels. Should she ask? Is she brave enough? As he walks back to the stove she shakes her head. No, not yet.


After breakfast, she does the dishes while he showers. Once the kitchen is clean, she wonders into the living room and curls up on the couch, flipping on the television for a weather report. He comes in, dropping down beside her, wrapped only in a towel, his skin still damp from the shower. “More snow coming?”

She nods, trying to avoid looking at him. “Probably tomorrow. Not a blizzard, but a lot more snow. Eight to ten inches.”

He plucks the remote from her hand, dropping it on the floor by the couch. As she turns to look at him, he crawls over her body, settling his weight on her thighs, his towel falling to the floor. His hardening manhood stands proudly from his body as he cups her face. “I’ve got a few inches here, Baby…all for you.”

She shivers as he captures her lips. So what if it’s not love? She can live with this kind of relationship…can’t she?

Dark Times in Still Waters
Chapter 29
By Dottie
Copyright 2013

Teagan slowly opens her eyes. She can see its getting dark outside. They have slept the afternoon away. She moves a little, tilting her head back to find Kevin staring at her. He smiles lazily. "Hello Beautiful. Sleep well?"

She blushes brightly and manages to say, "You tell me."

His brow furrows. "What's wrong? Did you have a bad dream?"

She shrugs, lowering her eyes to snuggle against him. “I usually do.”

He scoots down in the bed until they are face to face. “Tell me.”

She sighs, wishing she had just said no. “I just keep reliving it…trying to figure out if I could have said something to stop him before…”

He puts his finger on her lips. “Shh. Don’t. Baby, I’m sorry.”

She closes her eyes and rolls onto her back. “Don’t worry about it.”

He kisses her shoulder as he slides his hand across her stomach. “Teagan, I worry about you. It’s like breathing. It’s an involuntary response.” She just sighs. He whispers, “If you don’t want to talk about it now, we don’t have to.”

She opens her eyes and rolls her head over to meet his gaze. “Kevin…I just wish I could stop reliving it night after night. It never goes away. It never changes. Then…when I first wake up for a brief moment, it never happened…then I remember it’s all real and it’s like it’s happening over and over.”

He scoots closer, pressing his body closer to hers. "Teagan, we’ve been in this bed most of the afternoon and you didn't dream."

She stares at his neck, contemplating what he's saying. "But...ever since it happened, I've had the dream. I'm sure..."

He puts his hand under her chin and forces her gaze to his. "But you didn't dream this time Sweetheart. I've been here the whole time, and awake for most of it, watching you sleep. I promise you didn't dream."

She's having a hard time believing him. "But...I..."

He smiles at her confusion, leaning closer to kiss her gently. "Trust me Baby. No bad dreams."

She feels tears sting her eyes. "Really?"

He kisses her again. "Baby, this just goes to show you we're good for each other."

She brings her hand up to touch his cheek. "Kevin I don't know how I'm good for you.”

He leans closer to her. "Darling, you make me happy. That's how you're good for me."


After their talk, Teagan is still confused, but she can’t deny one thing. When she’s with him, she does forget…at least for a while. After he goes to shower, she makes her way to the living room to find her phone. Still no signal. Sighing, she wanders into the kitchen, trying to decide what to fix for dinner.

As she’s searching through the cabinets, she hears Kevin call out, “Teagan, can you come in here?”

She closes the cabinet door and heads into the bedroom and over to the partially open bathroom door. When she peeks around the edge of the door, her mouth goes dry. He’s standing in front of the mirror, a towel around his waist, his chest still shimmering with water.

He doesn’t look at her. He’s combing his hair as he says, “Think we can make it to the lodge for dinner?”

She doesn’t want to think about dinner now. Honestly she doesn’t want to think at all. Every part of her wants to walk over to him and explore his body with her eyes, her hands and her lips. She leans on the door for the briefest of moments before making up her mind.

She cautiously enters the bathroom, not really sure she’s capable of seduction. Just as she steps into view in the mirror, she reaches out and slides her hand lightly over his stomach. She’s watching her fingertips tease his skin, pushing around the errant water droplets he missed, afraid to look up and meet his gaze in the mirror. But she can feel his gaze on her.

She continues her exploration, letting her hand slide up his chest to his shoulder and back down again. She feels euphoric when she sees his towel tenting over his crotch. His breathing becomes shallow as her hand continues its trek.

She steps behind him, letting her hand slide over his shoulder and down onto his back. She still feels his gaze follow her and notices his hands clenching the vanity in front of him. She’s giddy with excitement.

Once she’s behind him and out of his field of vision, she moves closer, her lips making contact with the flesh between his shoulder blades, licking at the drops of water beaded there. His swift intake of air almost startles her, but she keeps going, trailing kisses across the expanse of his back. Her hands come to rest on his waist…on the towel covering him. She wants to take it off…but her nerves get the best of her.

When she steps back slightly, letting her hands leave his waist, he turns to face her. Her eyes move up to collide with his and he whispers, “For the love of God, don’t stop now.”

His impassioned plea hardens her resolve. Once again, her hands move to his waist, this time to the knot holding the towel in place. As she slowly unfolds the material, he groans, bringing his hands up to cup her face. The lust in her eyes mirrors his when he whispers, “Let me love you Teagan.”

With tears pooling in her eyes and joy filling her heart, she whispers back, “Let me love you.”

He lowers his face to hers for a sultry kiss, his hands sliding back into her hair. Her hands are on his hips and slowly move up his sides as she steps into him, pressing herself to him. He moans, breaking the contact of their lips to whisper, “I want to feel your skin.”

She steps back, stripping the shirt over her head. He moans softly, reaching out to touch her stomach, causing it to clench. He lowers his hand as she pushes her pants down and kicks them away. When she’s naked, he’s breathless with excitement. He lets his fingertips slide over her hip and down to cup her backside, pulling her once again firmly into his embrace. His lips capture hers, rekindling the passion that was bubbling just below the surface.

He turns them around until she’s pressed against the vanity. Lifting her up, he sits her on it. The coolness of the counter top is a shock to her system, but she is quickly distracted from it by his hands moving up her thighs, parting them. She blushes, but can’t stop the moan of pleasure that erupts as one of his hands slides up her inner thigh and his fingertip finds her wetness.

She leans closer, nibbling on his neck as his fingers prepare her for more. When she’s writhing against his touch with reckless abandon, he moves his fingers and positions himself between her legs. As his hardness penetrates her womanhood, her head falls back and he nips at her neck. His lips move to her ear and he whispers, “God I’ve loved you all my life!”

His words make her want to swoon. His body makes her want to scream. She’s overcome with love and passion for this man…the man that showed her life is really worth living, scars or no scars. She whimpers, crying into his shoulder as her blood races. Sensing her emotional overload and both their bodies need for release, Kevin grips her in his arms and presses deep inside her, emitting a growl as his orgasm peaks. Feeling his seed inside her triggers her own release and Teagan’s body tightens, succumbing to her own climax.

He holds her against his chest, her face buried in his neck as their bodies slowly relax. He rubs her back, whispering his love for her as he feels her scalding tears on his chest. “Sweet Teagan, I love you so much.”

She pushes back, meeting his gaze with eyes filled with love and wonder. “I love you too.”

He smiles softly as he leans closer. Kissing her lips gently, he rubs her nose with his and whispers, “I meant what I said. I’ve loved you all my life Teagan. I just hadn’t met you yet.”

She cups his face in her hands and smiles back, the shadows of doubt still looming inside her. “I’ve never felt this way before…it’s so…wonderful…and scary…”

He chuckles. “Don’t be afraid. I’ll never break your heart.”

She can’t stop the giggles that explode from within her. His laughter joins hers as he pulls her against his chest. She luxuriates in his arms feeling safe and secure. “You’re so corny…but I love you.”

He cuddles her in his arms, feeling protective…feeling needed. She loves him…and she’s willing to let him into her heart, into her world. He’ll cherish this day…savor it even. Because he knows that once they are back in the real world, things could be different. He has no doubt that she loves him. She knows he loves her. Now he has to prove to her that their love is all that matters.

Dark Times in Still Waters
Chapter 30
By Dottie
Copyright 2013

After lovemaking that leaves Teagan and Kevin both feeling overwhelmed and sated, it’s soothingly quiet in the cottage. Lying in his arms, she feels a kind of peace and contentment she thought could only be found in fairy tales.

His fingertips are sliding over her shoulder lightly. "Not that I'm complaining, because believe me, I'm not! I just have to ask you...why?"

She blushes, happy he can't see her face since she's lying on his chest. "I...I...don't know. It just...sort of...happened."

He chuckles. "I hope it happens more often, Sweetheart. That was incredible."

Her blush deepens. “I can’t believe I did that.”

His chuckles fade as he tightens his embrace. “I can’t either, but damn Baby it was good. Promise you’ll do it again? And often?”

She can’t suppress her own giggles. “I’ll only promise to try. If you promise to walk around wearing towels.”

His laughter is music to her ears. “Anything for you Baby. Anything at all.”

She snuggles against him and whispers fervently, “I’m really glad you showed up Kevin.”

He senses the seriousness in her voice and he asks softly, “Why?”

She feels safe enough to admit her darkest thoughts to him, even though she’s afraid it might change the way he feels about her. “I haven’t…dealt with what happened very well. I’ve been…in a bad place for a long time.”

His body tenses up and she shivers. “Teagan, what are you trying to say?”

She rolls away from him and sits up, grabbing a big, fluffy pink robe. After wrapping herself up in it, she whispers, “I meant what I said on the ship when I said I wanted to die, Kevin. For a long time I did want to die. I knew when we got on the ship that the scars on my neck were permanent. That my voice could never be fixed. I had nothing to live for. Even when I came here…”

He sits up quickly. “What do you mean? Teagan??”

She stands up slowly and moves to the window. Pressing her head against the cool glass, she mutters, “I came here to make a decision.”

She hears him moving around and is not surprised to feel him step up behind her and slide his arms around her waist. “Teagan, you’re scaring me.”

She sniffles. “I scared myself Kevin. After…while you were in the shower, I wanted to call Natalie. I needed to distance myself from us, but I couldn’t. So I had to really think about it. About why I came here. About what you stopped me from doing.”

He spins her around and forces her gaze to his. Worry lines are etched in his face. “What were you going to do?”

She sighs quietly, blinking back tears. “I was going to kill myself Kevin. I didn’t ever plan on leaving this cottage alive. I had nothing to live for.”

She watches as tears pool in his eyes and slip silently down his face. “Sweetheart…how can you…I mean…”

She shakes her head, raising her hands to wipe the tears from his face. “I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life alone, Kevin. I didn’t want to die miserable and alone because of what some nutcase did to me. I thought it would be better to just end it here. I brought a bunch of sleeping pills. I planned on writing a letter to my parents, one to my siblings, one to Nat, and one to you. Then I was going to pour myself a glass of wine and take the pills and just fall asleep.”

His body shakes as he pulls her firmly against his chest. With his head buried in her hair close to her ear he whispers, “Don’t you EVER…Teagan, I swear to God, I can’t live without you in my life. I don’t know what I would have done if I had come here and found you…”

She sobs into his shirt. “When you came…it was like a message. I tried on the ship twice. I was going to jump over board, but you came both times. You showed up and you stopped me. When I saw you here I knew…God was telling me I wouldn’t die alone. You were the angel he sent, Kevin. The angel he sent to love me.”

He lifts her in his arms and cradles her body against his as he moves back to the bed. Laying her down, he stretches out beside her and once again she’s nestled in his arms. They both are crying. Her because she is trying to let go of the past…and him because he almost lost her before he even admitted how much he loves her.

When the tears subside and the cottage once again slips into silence, he whispers, “How do you feel now, Teagan?”

She tilts her head back to look at him. “I don’t want to die, Kevin. I just want to be with you.”

His smile fills her with hope. “You have me Baby. And I’m never, ever letting you go. Not ever!”

The silence that falls in the cabin is somewhat uneasy. Both of them are dealing with the revelation that Teagan had actually planned to end her life. Suddenly, Kevin sits up, dislodging her from his chest. “Where are they? Where are the pills?”

She closes her eyes. “The pills are in the bathroom…in my makeup bag. Why?”

He turns to face her. “Give them to me. Now.”

She understands why almost immediately. She slides off the bed and walks into the bathroom, returning to hand him two bottles. He stares at them. She can see the tears in his eyes…the battle raging within him to keep them from falling. He stands quickly, stalking past her into the bathroom. She follows slowly, watching as he dumps the pills out in the toilet and flushes them.

When he turns to face her, she whispers, “I wasn’t going to do it Kevin. Not now.”

He sighs, tossing the bottles in the trash can. “I’m making damn sure you don’t. I meant what I said. I can’t live without you and I’m not ready to die.”

She shivers, stepping into his arms. “I’m sorry Kevin. I never should have told you.”

He squeezes her. “Yes, you should have. I’m not stupid, Teagan, I know how fragile you are. I knew it on the ship. I’ve known it all the weeks we’ve been apart. I even knew it yesterday when you opened the door and let me in here. I just didn’t want to admit that maybe you’d have the guts to follow through. But once you told me, I knew…if I hadn’t shown up…”

She pushes away to look at him. “NO! Kevin, even though every part of me wanted to die, I don’t think I would have gone through with it. Deep down I’m really just a coward.”

He shakes his head. “No you’re not. A coward wouldn’t have made that confession to me, Teagan. You’re stronger than you know. Strong enough to face this and strong enough to start a new life. With me if you’ll have me.”

She touches his cheek softly. “I don’t feel strong. I feel weak. And afraid. But I love you and if you’re willing to put up with me…”

His smile says it all. “When we leave here, we leave together. You’re mine Teagan Mia Michaels, and I’m all yours. Forever if you’ll have me.” When she falls against him, snuggling into his arms, he whispers, “The tour bus is big enough for us both. If it’s ok with you, I’ll take you with me to Kentucky. Or I’ll pack my bags and move back with you until the tour starts. Then you’ll go with me.”

She steps back from him, almost panicked. “Tour? Kevin…I’m NOT going on tour with you! You can’t…your fans would never…NO! I won’t do it!”

He stares at her stunned. “What do the fans have to do with it, Teagan? I love you. I want to be with you. I don’t give a rat’s ass what anyone else thinks.”

She steps away from him trembling. “You might not care, but I do. I’ve been called a freak enough Kevin…by those adoring fans of yours. If you think I’m going to go with you and listen to it again, you’re fucking crazy!”

As she runs from the room, he stares after her in shock. He can’t believe they are fighting. And of all the stupid things to be fighting about, they are fighting about being together. Sighing, he follows her slowly. This is not going to be an easy relationship…for either of them.

Dark Times in Still Waters
Chapter 31
By Dottie
Copyright 2014

Kevin finds Teagan putting on her coat. “Where are you going?”

She grabs a ski hat. “I’m going nowhere. I just want to be alone.”

He reaches her in two strides. “Teagan, they wanted us to stay inside for a reason. Please, don’t go out.”

She sighs, tugging away from him. “I’m just going out on the porch. Please…just leave me alone.”

Once she’s outside, she struggles to get her breathing under control. The snow is still falling heavily and the air is cold. Moving to the end of the porch, she leans against the corner post and fights back the sobs. She wanted her relationship with Kevin to be beautiful. But he had to go and ruin it by mentioning the tour.

She closes her eyes and chews on her lip. She’s so engrossed in her thoughts, she misses the door opening and Kevin coming out, his parka barely zipped. He didn’t even zip his pants when he ran back to the bedroom for them. He was just afraid she would run.

He adjusts his hat and pulls gloves on his hands before stepping up behind her and grabbing her. As she struggles to pull away, he quietly murmurs, “I’m sorry Teagan.” She stops struggling and sags against the railing. He keeps his arms around her and props his chin on her shoulder. “I just want you with me. But…you don’t…I won’t push the tour if you really don’t want to go with me.”

She lowers her eyes to the ground and mutters, “Kevin, I just can’t. It’s not because of you…”

He kisses her neck. “Teagan, I know why you won’t go. I wish you wouldn’t let it get to you. What they say…what anyone says…it doesn’t mean a thing. Look how I get teased about my eyebrows…or how Brian is teased about his bald spot.”

She pulls away from him in anger. “It’s not the same and you know it Kevin.”

He sighs. “It IS the same. Teagan, I don’t care what people say about me. I’m not about to wax my eyebrows. I’m me and if they can’t accept me for me, then fuck them all. I don’t need them.”

She shivers as his words penetrate the fog of self-pity that’s surrounding her. She feels her lip quiver and she whispers, “I wish I could change how I feel…”

He steps closer and once again envelopes her in his arms. “And I wish I could stop hurting you. I’m sorry Teagan. It's just that…the scars don’t matter to me. I want to open my eyes every single day and see your beautiful face. Is that so wrong?”

She shakes her head. "No, of course not. To be honest, all I want is to be with you."

He lays his head against hers. "Sweetheart..."

She pulls away from him. "Maybe someday I can handle it Kevin. I just don't think I can now."

He nods sadly. "I understand Baby. I really do. It's just...that's going to be the longest three months of my life."

She leans closer to him. "Mine too."

He kisses her nose. "We don't have to talk about the tour now. It won't start for a few more weeks."

She reaches up and puts her hand on his cheek. "I don't deserve you."

He smiles, leaning down and kissing her softly. "You deserve much better than me, Miss Michaels. You are my queen."

She giggles at his outlandish nickname. "Stop it."

He laughs with her. “It’s true. One look at you and I want to bow at your feet. Grovel for a moment of your time…the touch of your hand.”

She rolls her eyes. “Have you been drinking?”

He sweeps her up into a bear hug. “Nope. It’s you. You make me into a blithering idiot. I want to sweep you off your feet…”

She wraps her arms around his neck. “You already did that. On the cruise.”

He smiles sadly. “Don’t think about the cruise.”

She shrugs. “It wasn’t all bad Kevin, truly. And…well…I have to learn to live with this. I just don’t know how. I don’t know what I’ll do now that I can’t teach.”

He gives her a stern look. “Who says you can’t?”

She rolls her eyes. “Listen to me! Can you imagine me singing?”

He puts her back on her feet and takes her hand, lifting them up between their bodies. “These still work don’t they? And you have a mind. Teagan, you can teach music without singing. YOU can because you have the heart and you have the gift. If you give up on it…”

She steps back. “Kevin…I don’t know…right now, I can’t even think.”

He pulls her back against his body. “I’m not letting you run away from me. I just don’t want you to give up on teaching. Not if it’s in your heart. You can’t give up, you’ve worked too hard…”

She lays her head on his chest and murmurs, “I don’t want to run away from you. I just…I can’t see what you see.”

He surprises her by sweeping her up into his arms and carrying her back into the cottage. When he sets her on her feet by the fire, he pushes her down into a chair and kneels in front of her. “Baby, maybe it’s too soon for you to see it. Or maybe you need someone to tell you that doesn’t have a vested interest in your future.”

She looks confused. “What do you mean?”

He weighs his words carefully. “I mean…counseling. Someone that can help you cope with what you’re feeling. Someone that knows what the hell they’re doing because I just seem to piss you off when I try.”

Tears sting her eyes. She cups his face and whispers, “Kevin, you’ve got it all wrong. I’m not mad at you. I’m mad because I can’t be what you want me to be. What you expect me to be.”

He leans forward and presses his forehead to hers. “I don’t EXPECT you to be anything…I just want you to be you…and to be happy. I want to see you smile and know you’re feeling it in your heart. Baby I know you’re hurting, you’re confused and you’re angry. I want to take all of that away and replace it with love and happiness. Any way I can. I want to spend every waking moment with you. I want to hold you and kiss you and love you with every ounce of my being. You ARE what I want. Believe me.”

She stares into his eyes feeling safer than she’s ever felt before. With her heart pounding in her chest, she whispers, “You do make me happy Kevin.”

He kisses her softly. “I love you Sweetheart. And I’ll do whatever it takes to make sure you stay happy.”

She traces his lips with her finger and whispers, “I’ll be happy…as long as you love me.”

He chuckles. “Now who’s being corny?”

Dark Times in Still Waters
Chapter 32
By Dottie
Copyright 2014

Teagan and Kevin are able to get out of the resort and back to Teagan's apartment six days later. Kevin had his rental car picked up so he could ride back with Teagan. While she drives, he calls Brian, surprised to find he and Natalie took a spur of the moment trip to New York. Because of the blizzard, Natalie has an impromptu week off of work and when Brian found out she had always wanted to see New York, he convinced her to go.

When Teagan opens the apartment door, Kevin carries their bags in. "Where should I put these?"

She nods down the hallway, "My room is at the end on the right."

As he walks down the hallway, Teagan moves into the kitchen staring out the window at the dreary looking, gray sky. They had managed to enjoy their time at the cottage as long as neither mentioned the impending tour. Teagan knew they couldn’t keep avoiding the topic. She knew they had to talk it out and somehow come to an understanding about it.

When Kevin steps into the room he moves to stand behind her. “I wish the sun would come out. All these clouds are gloomy.”

She nods, turning to face him. “I know. I hate winter. It’s so depressing. I need sunshine.”

He smiles and says, “You know, if you want to move to California or Florida with me, you’d have a lot more sun.”

She nods. “Believe me, I know. I say the same thing every year, but I never move. My kids need me here.” Her voice falters. “Well, they did need me.”

He grabs her shoulders. “They STILL need you Teagan. You can teach them.”

She sighs. “Kevin, we’ve talked about this…”

He nods. “And we’re going to keep talking about it until you come to realize that what happened to you doesn’t have to stop you from being who you are. You adapt and you change and you find a way. Let me help you find a way to do it Teagan.” When she doesn’t say anything, he says, “Teagan, what if one of your students was in an accident and could never walk again. What would you say to them when they wanted to give up?” When she doesn’t answer immediately, he murmurs, “Think about Sweetheart.” He kisses her forehead and leaves the room, hoping he’s made her understand she can’t give up.

He goes into the living room and pulls out his phone, finally answering the text messages and emails he got while he was at the resort and out of contact. He knows the minute Teagan walks into the room. He also knows she’s upset. He looks up from his phone to find her staring at him intently. He puts his phone aside and whispers, “Teagan, what’s wrong?”

She sits across from him with her hands wrapped around her knees. “I’m afraid.”

He leans forward, pain stabbing at his heart when she pulls away from him. “What are you afraid of?”

She shrugs lightly, fighting to swallow a hysterical sob. “What if I can’t do it? What if I try and…”

He shakes his head slowly. “At least you will have tried. Teagan, God knows it won’t be easy, but the alternative…Baby I just want to see you smile. A real smile, not a guarded one. I want you to forget about what happened and the scars and just live for the moment. I know you can do it. I believe in you.”

She trembles. “What if I never forget?”

He moves to kneel in front of her, placing his hands on her thighs. “Stop thinking ‘what if’ Teagan. Come on tour with me. Let me show you it doesn’t matter.”

She wants to go with him. She wants to spend every conceivable moment with him. She whispers hoarsely, “The fans…”

He shakes his head. “Don’t. Teagan the people I’m closest too…the people who will be part of our lives…you’ll see it won’t matter to them. If some of the fans make snide remarks…ignore it. It won’t mean anything to you or me. I love you for exactly who you are…I love you exactly how you are. Please Baby; just let me prove it to you.”

She leans closer to him and presses her forehead to his. “What if I can’t?”

He moves closer and kisses her softly. “You can. I’ll be with you. Please? At least think about it?”

She slides her arms around his neck and scoots forward on the chair. He hugs her against his chest and she whispers, “I’ll…try.”

He smiles into her hair. “That’s all I can ask of you Darling. I promise I won’t push.”

She knows he won’t. But…maybe it’s what she needs. She pulls back. “When does the tour start, Kevin?”

He tilts his head to the side. “A few more weeks. Why?”

She chews on her lip. “I think…maybe you were right…about counseling. I’d like to call Penelope. She gave me her card…”

He can’t stop the smile that spreads across his face. “Teagan…”

She covers his lips with her fingers. “No…Kevin, listen. I know you and Nat both want to help me but…I think I have to figure this out on my own somehow. I want to do it for you…I want to be as strong as you think I can, but…I think I need to do it for myself first. Does that make sense?”

He nods, tears swimming in his eyes. “Teagan I don’t expect you to do for me. I just want you to be happy. And I want to be part of that happiness.”

She covers his lips with hers, kissing him softly. When the part, she murmurs quietly, “YOU make me happy, Kevin. You make me believe. You give me hope.”

His tears fall and he whispers, “Darling, I love you.”

She smiles through tears of her own. “I love you too.”

Dark Times in Still Waters
Chapter 33
By Dottie
Copyright 2014

When Natalie finds out Teagan is home, she and Brian make plans to return. Surprise is evident on both their faces when they get back to the apartment to find Teagan alone. Brian cautiously asks, “Umm, where’s Kev?”

Teagan manages a smile. “He went home a couple of days ago. I have…I needed some space.”

Catching the hint, Brian mutters, “I actually should get back myself. We only have a few more weeks before the tour starts.”

Teagan crosses her arms and says, “Brian…I’m sorry. I don’t want to interrupt your time with Natalie. I don’t…if you want to stay you can, but…I just need you guys to leave me alone, ok?”

He shakes his head. “Don’t be sorry, Teagan. I’m not upset. I really should get some stuff in order before the tour.”

She shoots him a grateful smile and whispers, “Thanks,” before running into her room to give them privacy.

Brian turns to Natalie. “What do you think this is all about?”

Natalie just shakes her head. “I have no fucking clue. But I’m going to find out.”

As she starts to walk away, Brian grabs her arm. “No. Baby, wait. Maybe…Kevin wouldn’t have left if he thought she needed him. Something’s going on.”

Natalie turns to face Brian. “I guess…I just…I’m afraid.”

He pulls her into a loving embrace. “Nat, we’re all afraid. She’s in a fragile state of mind. Maybe if I leave she’ll open up to you.”

Natalie turns her head to kiss his neck, inhaling the heady fragrance of cologne. “I’m…I’m glad you came Brian.”

Ever the goofball, he whispers softly, “I thought we both came…a lot.”

She giggles and pulls away from him, slapping his arm. “Leave it to you to ruin a tender moment.”

He grabs her and pushes her against the wall, pinning her body with his as his eyes lock on hers. “Our time together has been perfect and I have loved every minute of it. Thanks for letting me get stranded with you.”

She plays with the curly hair at the nape of his neck. “Anytime. Thanks for showing up.”

He grins and dips his head for a deep, sultry kiss. When they part, he murmurs, “Call me when you find out what’s going on?”

She nods. “If she tells me. I’m sorry…”

He shakes his head. “Don’t be sorry. Teagan needs you. I’ll call you when I get home.”

She holds on to him as he tries to pull away. “Don’t you think you should make sure you can get a flight before you leave? You can stay here until you know for sure.”

From the hallway leading to the bedrooms Teagan speaks softly, “Yes, Brian, make sure you have a flight before you leave. I have errands to run.” She sends Natalie and pleading glance. “Can I talk to you for a minute?”

Natalie nods as Brian pulls away from her. She follows Teagan down the hallway and into her room, surprised to find her suitcase open on the bed. “Where are you going? You just got home?”

Teagan shrugs. “No where. I was putting things away.” Taking a deep breath, she blurts out, “Nat, I’m going to see a therapist this afternoon.”

Natalie does a double take. “You…what?”

Teagan takes a deep breath and says, “Sit down Nat. I need to tell you something and you’re not allowed to speak until I finish. Deal?”

Natalie sits on the bed. “What’s going on Teag?”

For the next half hour, Natalie sits in horror listening to Teagan confess to almost committing suicide. She’s shocked into silence by the matter-of-fact way Teagan tells the story…but more importantly she’s moved almost to tears when Teagan admits that Kevin’s love is what saved her.

When Teagan winds the story down, telling Natalie about Penelope and her appointment with the therapist this afternoon, all Natalie can manage to do is whisper, “Teag…”

Teagan sits by her friend and they share a warm, sisterly embrace. “Nat, you’ve been the best possible friend I could ever have. You’ve gone above and beyond to take care of me until I realized I have to take care of myself. Penelope is going to help me find a way to cope with all this shit. She thinks she can help me…forget…somehow.”

Natalie pulls away from Teagan to look at her. “And Kevin?”

Teagan smiles and Natalie’s heart soars with hope. “Kevin will be here if I need him. Right now, I need both of you to let me do this on my own. OK?”

Unsure, Natalie whispers, “But, what if…”

Teagan shakes her head. “I won’t try to kill myself again, Nat. I can’t. I’m too big of a coward. I just…I think I have to face the hurt before it goes away. I can’t do that with you and Kevin. You both are hell bent on protecting me.”

Natalie whispers, “But Teagan, all you’ve done is suffer the hurt since it happened.”

Teagan shakes her head. “No Nat. I suffered the anger. The man that did this to me…I hate him with a passion. I feel more violated than I would have if I had been raped. He took something from me I will never be able to get back and I fucking hate him for it. That hate is what’s killing me.”

Natalie watches as Teagan stands and grabs her coat. “Teag, what can I do?”

Teagan smiles at her. “Nothing. Not yet anyway. Go take care of Brian. He doesn’t really have to leave. I just…I need you all to understand that as much as I know you want to help me, I have to do this myself.”

Natalie nods slowly. “We love you Teag. We want…”

Teagan grabs her purse, fighting away the tears. “I love you too. And thanks.”

Teagan leaves the room, taking quick determined steps to get out of the apartment before she loses her nerve. As she passes Brian in the living room, she whispers, “Don’t go yet Brian. Stay with Nat a while. I’ll be back later.”

After she leaves, Brian turns as Natalie enters the room looking shell-shocked. He takes her hand. “Sweetheart, what’s the matter?”

Natalie’s eyes meet his and he sees a spark he’s never seen before. He smiles as she whispers, “Kevin did it. The old Teagan is back.”

He pulls her into a tight embrace. “I told you my cousin was in love.”

Natalie lays her head on his shoulder. “You Kentucky boys are something else.”

He pulls back and cups her face, bringing her lips to his for a sweet, seductive kiss. “You ain’t seen nothing yet, Baby.”

Dark Times in Still Waters
Chapter 34
By Dottie
Copyright 2014

When Teagan is settled across from Penelope she slowly meets her gaze. Penelope smiles and says, “Teagan, first of all, I want you to know you can say anything you want within the confines of this room and it stays just between us. But…what you told me at the resort…well, you weren’t my patient then so…”

Teagan nods slowly. “I’m glad you talked to Kevin Penelope…umm…Dr. Grant.”

Penelope smiles. “Call me Penny.”

Teagan sighs and says, “OK, Penny.”

Penny leans back, crosses her legs and props a clipboard on her knee to take notes. “OK, Teagan, it’s not going to be easy to talk about all of this, but if I’m going to help you, you have to tell me everything. Complete honesty. If it gets to be too much, we can take a break; take a walk, whatever you need.”

Teagan glances around, confused. “I thought therapy sessions were only an hour.”

Penny smiles. “Most of the time they are, but when I have new patients, I block out an entire afternoon for the initial visit. Then, we’ll decide together if one hour sessions will be enough or if you need more.”

Teagan shakes her head. “How can you…I mean…if you spend the whole afternoon with me…”

Penny laughs. “Teagan, this practice is made up of ten doctors. You’ll work with me until you’re comfortable meeting the rest. You’ll find that we all have one goal in mind…helping you heal. They will handle the other patients until we get settled.”

Teagan folds her arms over her stomach. “Penny…before…thank you for helping me.”

Penny taps her pen on her clipboard and says, “Teagan, when it’s all said and done you’re going to realize all I’m doing is giving you the tools to help yourself. Now, I know it’s difficult, but start from the beginning. Tell me exactly what happened.”


Two hours later, Penny has a notepad filled with notes about Teagan’s horrible story. When Teagan winds down, sniffling loudly, Penny says, “Teagan…how do you feel?” When Teagan looks up, she clarifies, “How do you feel about John Tate and what he did at the school that day?”

Teagan doesn’t even think about her answer. “I hate him!”

Penny nods. “That is a normal reaction, but let’s look at this from an outsider’s point of view. Did you ever hear any news stories about why they thought he did what he did?”

Teagan shakes her head. “No…I was in the hospital for a couple of weeks. When I got out, I just…avoided it all together.”

Penny puts her note pad on the desk and opens the top drawer, pulling out a white binder. “Teagan, when you made the appointment to come in today, I did some research. When you go home tonight, I want you to take this with you and read it.”

Teagan is puzzled and asks, “What is it?”

As she’s reaching for it, Penny says, “It’s newspaper articles about the shooting.”

Teagan jerks her hand back. “I don’t want to read it!”

Penny lays the book on her desk. “Teagan, I think you should. I think it will give you a little insight into John Tate…”

Teagan stands, shaking her head. “No! I don’t want insight into him. I don’t need it. I know all I need to know. He fucking ruined my life and you want me to understand why? I don’t care WHY he did it!”

As she whirls to stomp out of the room, Penny says in a matter-of-fact voice, “Teagan, he didn’t ruin your life. You are ruining your life.”

Teagan stops with her hand on the door knob and turns slowly. “What?”

Penny leans back in her chair. “Everyone around you is grateful you’re alive, no matter what the circumstance. But you’ve given up. Yes, what John Tate did was a horrible thing. But he wasn’t out to hurt you. He was a mentally unstable man. He was addict using hallucinogens and odds are, whatever he was shooting at wasn’t even real. Everything that happened that day…everyone that got hurt…it was all just an accident.”

Teagan falls back against the door. “But Penny, I can’t teach…”

Penny snorts. “Oh yes you can. Teagan, I know you have a lot of emotions to process, but that bullet didn’t take away your ability to teach. It may have taken your voice, but you still have a mind and you can still teach. You just have to stop feeling sorry for yourself and try.” When Teagan doesn’t move, Penny says, “Come sit back down Teagan.”

When Teagan is back in her chair, she whispers, “Why did it happen to me?”

Penny moves from behind her desk and sits in the chair beside Teagan. Taking her hand, she speaks softly. “Every day for three weeks, I asked myself the same thing about Derrick. When he was shot, I thought my life was over. I didn’t think I could survive without him by my side to help me raise our kids and I was mad at the world and I was furious with him. And it wasn’t even his fault. Just like this wasn’t your fault.”

Teagan closes her eyes, mentally exhausted. “How did he…how did you both learn to cope?”

Penny pats her hand before standing and walking to a bookcase. Taking down a picture of herself with her family, she says, “We struggled. We had horrible fights. I wanted him to quit the force and get a safer job. He told me to stop being stupid. I even left him.”

Teagan gasps. “Why?”

Penny turns. “Because I thought he was choosing his job over me. I didn’t realize how unfair I was being. How selfish I was being.” Sitting back down at her desk, she murmurs, “You’re being selfish too, Teagan.”

Teagan’s mouth drops. Suddenly, she understands what Penny is trying to tell her. Slowly she nods. “I…I guess I am. I’m so busy feeling sorry for myself…I push everyone away.” Her hand creeps up to her neck. “But this is so horrible…”

Penny shakes her head. “No it’s not. It’s a scar, nothing more. It doesn’t change who you are or how much your friends and family love you. The only person that scar bothers is you.”

Tears slowly trickle down Teagan’s face. “But…Kevin’s fans think…”

Penny holds up her hand. “Kevin’s fans aren’t the problem. You are. Kevin loves you for you. He thinks you’re the most beautiful woman in the world because he sees you with his heart as well as with his eyes. It’s the same with Natalie and everyone else close to you. Sure, Kevin’s in the spotlight, but do you think he’s going to change his mind about you because of a few jealous fans?”

Teagan’s eyes narrow. “You’ve talked to Kevin, haven’t you?”

Penny smiles. “Doctor-Patient confidentiality. But in this case, Kevin gave me permission to share his session with you.”

Teagan’s mouth drops. “You saw Kevin?”

Penny shrugs. “Once. Briefly. He plans on coming back, but we had our initial meeting just after you came back from the resort.”

Teagan looks down at her lap. “What…why?”

Penny leans forward, propping her elbows on her desk. “He wants to help you. He wants to be with you and he wants you to travel with him to see the world. But most of all, he wants you to be happy and to let all of this go.”

Teagan looks up, fear etched on her face. “What if I can’t let it go?”

Penny smiles. “You can Teagan. I’ll help you. And regardless of whether you travel with Kevin or go back to teaching, he’s never going to stop loving you. He wants to spend his life with you.” When Teagan once again closes her eyes, Penny says, “I think we’ve talked enough today. You look tired.”

Teagan opens her eyes. “I’ve been tired since it happened. I don’t sleep well…when Kevin’s not there.” She blushes deeply. “When he…umm…I don’t have…”

Penny laughs. “Teagan, I’m not going to ask about your sex life with Kevin.”

Teagan averts her gaze. “It’s just…when he’s with me…I don’t have the nightmares.”

Penny nods thoughtfully. “Next time, we’ll talk about the nightmares.” Opening her datebook, she says, “I managed to free up Friday afternoon for you. Want to come back around 1:00 and we’ll pick up where we left off?”

Teagan nods. “Yes…I…Penny, thank you.”

Penny smiles. “Teagan, you don’t have to thank me. We have a long way to go and you just might hate me before it’s over because I’m going to make you face things you try to avoid.” Picking up the binder containing the newspaper articles, she says, “Starting with this. Take it home and read it. We’re going to talk about it Friday.”

Teagan slowly reaches for the book. She stares at the cover and whispers, “What if I can’t read it?”

Penny laughs. “You can. You’re stronger than you realize. Now, go home and relax. I’ll see you on Friday.” When Teagan turns to leave, Penny says, “Teagan, if you start having suicidal thoughts again, call me. If…if you need me to, I can hospitalize you…”

Teagan shakes her head. “I won’t…I mean…I don’t think…I won’t try again.”

Penny is thoughtful as Teagan leaves the room. When the door closes with a soft click, she sighs deeply and falls into her chair. In her professional opinion, Teagan is not suicidal. But Kevin has some real fears about Teagan’s ability to make it through the sessions and facing what has happened to her. Grabbing her note pad, she starts jotting down notes for future sessions. Once Teagan comes to terms with John Tate’s mental health issues…she has to face the next hurdle; the realization that for the last three years she’s worked with John Tate’s step sister at the school. And that SHE was the probable target of her brother’s rampage all along.

Dark Times In Still Waters
Chapter 35
By Dottie
Copyright 2014

By Friday, Teagan is a basket case of nerves. She finally managed to get through most of the binder of news articles and her hatred had turned to pity. Her natural, nurturing instincts took over and she sees what Penny and everyone else tried to tell her. She wasn’t a target. She hadn’t done anything to provoke him.

But it still didn’t take away the anger. The anger she has boiling inside of her because in her mind, her life was destroyed in the blink of an eye by someone who should have been hospitalized and committed before performing such a dastardly deed.

That anger is directed at Caroline Tate-Smith. John Tate was her younger step-brother. In an interview she did weeks after the shooting, she admitted that her family had contemplated committing him, but the shame of labeling him mentally unstable was too much for her parents to take.

Their shame ruined her life. She dresses for her meeting with Penny, not sure what to expect. Penny seems determined that she can forgive and forget and move on. But how can she forgive now that she knows it all could have....should have...been prevented.

As she's tying a scarf around her neck, her phone rings. She picks it up, smiling when she sees Nat's name on the caller ID. She answers with a quiet, "Hey Nat. How's your trip?"

Natalie laughs. "Amazing. I have to admit I love Brian's little impromptu getaway."

Teagan sits on the edge of her bed. "I'm glad you're having fun. How's the weather?"

Natalie sighs. "I love the ocean. I'm thrilled he invited me to come to California for Thanksgiving. His house is right on the beach."


Teagan laughs. "Yes I know....you told me yesterday. And the day before."

Natalie laughs. "OK, OK, I'm sorry. I can't help it."

Teagan laughs with her, but her laughter dies. "Nat I'm glad you're having fun but...I'm going to have to cut this short. My next appointment..."

Natalie butts in. "That's why I'm calling. I feel horrible you convinced me to leave you alone for Thanksgiving. Are you ok? Did you read the articles?"

Teagan's voice hardens. "I did."

Natalie continues cautiously. "Teagan, talk to me."

Teagan feels tears sting her eyes. "Nat...I can't. Not...yet."

Natalie sighs. "I do understand. Have you talked to Kevin?"

Teagan picks at a string on her comforter. "No...I...Nat, I need you and Kevin to give me space to deal with this. I love you, I really do. But I need to do this on my own."

Natalie's worry comes across in her voice. "Teag..."

Teagan cuts her off. "Enjoy your time with Brian and I’ll see you Sunday. And don't call me...I'll call you. I promise."

Before she can hang up, Natalie murmurs, "I love you Teag."


Once she's settled in Penny's office, her counselor gives her a knowing look. "You read the articles." Teagan nods, not speaking. "And now you've turned your anger from John Tate to his family."

Teagan lets her anger boil over. "They knew he was sick! Why didn't they put him where he couldn't hurt anyone? Or himself? For God's sake, they want to talk about shame? They would have been shamed to have him labeled. What about me? What about my shame?"

Penny leans forward, propping her arms on her desk. "Don't you think they still feel shame, Teagan? Shame at what he did? Only their shame is also laced with guilt."

Teagan folds her arms across her chest. "They should feel guilty."

Penny leans back. "Teagan, they can't change what happened. How do you think his step-sister feels knowing she was the target of his rage and yet you and all the others were the ones that got hurt?"

Teagan's anger falters. "What...why would she be the target?"

Penny shakes her head. "You didn't read the last few articles, did you?"

Teagan shrugs. "They all seemed to say the same thing. I figured...why?"

Penny sighs quietly. "They found a journal he kept in his room. He was mad because he overheard her talking to their parents. She convinced them to commit him for an evaluation. She was trying to get him the help he desperately needed."

Teagan feels the blood drain from her face. "She...we have the same color hair. He...he thought I was Caroline!"

Penny nods. "That's the theory. He was high too so he may have thought you were attacking him. With him dead, we'll never know for sure." She sees Teagan shiver and she says, "Teagan, what kind of person is Caroline Tate-Smith? I mean, did you like her?"

Teagan nods slowly. "Yes. She's...she's a wonderful teacher. We...we always had a good working relationship."

Penny stands and walks around the desk, leaning against it. "Don't you think she's suffering every day because of what happened to you? Because of what he did?"

Tears flood Teagan's eyes and her breath lodges in her throat. In a husky whisper, she says, "She came to me! At the school. I remember she was holding my hand and crying that she was sorry. She kept saying she was sorry."

Penny grabs her hand. "Teagan, as long as you're angry, you won't heal and she won't heal. You need to let it go...and you need to forgive." Teagan looks down at her lap, not sure what to say. Penny continues softly. "Teagan, do you know what I did six months after Derrick was shot?"

Teagan shakes her head. "What?"

Penny sighs. "I went to the prison to face the man that shot my husband."

Teagan's eyes widen. "What happened?"

Penny shrugs. "He was a hard-nosed criminal. He was happy he shot my husband. Bragged about it. I just looked him in the eye and I knew if I held onto the grudge my marriage would never last. So I stood my ground and told him I forgave him. He didn't know what to say. I turned and walked away and never looked back."

Teagan gasps. "You forgave him?"

Penny shakes her head slowly. "No, I don’t think I ever really did. But he doesn't know that. He didn't care that he hurt Derrick and he almost ruined our marriage. He wasn't unstable and out of control. He's a cold blooded killer and he almost took my husband. I had to let go of the hate and facing him helped me realize I was lucky I still had Derrick. My children still have their father. That's all that matters. Now you have to accept that even though you’re scarred, you alive. And that’s something to be grateful for. Your friends and family are grateful. Kevin is grateful. In time you will be too.”

Teagan shakes her head. “I don’t know if I can. Even if I did, I don’t know that I can ever fit into Kevin’s world. He…He’s in the spotlight all the time. I don’t know…if I can…”

Penny smiles. “We do need to talk about Kevin, Teagan. He had his second session this morning. Would you like to know what happened?”

Teagan’s eyes widen. “He’s in town? Now? Why didn’t he call me?”

Penny sighs loudly. “Because you asked him not to. You told him you needed to do this on your own and as hard as it is for him, he’s holding back and letting you.”

Teagan looks down and sniffles. “I did tell him I needed space. I just…”

Penny smiles. “You just hoped he’d ignore you and call anyway, huh?”

Nodding, Teagan whispers, “He wouldn’t leave me alone on the ship or even after the cruise. I don’t know why…”

Penny interrupts her. “You thought he’d keep calling and it would give you an excuse to hold him at bay.”

Teagan explores her own inner feelings before nodding. “You’re right.” She whispers softly, “Penny, how can I let go and move on? You say it like it’s so easy. Then I get up and look in the mirror…”

Penny reaches out and takes her hand. “Teagan, you’ll have bad days, I won’t lie. Derrick still does. I still do. But then I look at the people I love and I realize I’m here for a reason and I still have Derrick with me. That’s all that really matters. Tell me something, do you believe in God?”

Teagan stands, moving to look out the window. “I did…before it happened. I still did after, but I was mad at Him. I blamed Him too, for what happened to me.” She stares down into the parking lot and sees a familiar face. Kevin, leaning against a car, his head down as if he’s deep in thought. She feels warmth spread through her body like she’s wrapped in a blanket of love. “Then He brought Kevin into my life and I got even madder at Him because Kevin deserves better than the likes of me.”

Penny hears Teagan sniffle and moves to stand beside her, smiling when she sees Kevin’s standing there. He was hoping Penny could convince Teagan to at least see him for a few minutes. Putting her hand on Teagan’s shoulder, Penny says, “Why don’t you let Kevin decide who he needs in his life, Teagan? He loves you. He wants to be with you.”

Teagan stares down at him. “Why is he here?”

Penny sighs. “He’s been here all along. He’s staying in town in case you need him. He had a session this morning and was hoping if he hung around he’d get to see you.”

Teagan’s head snaps around. “He’s been here the whole time?”

Penny nods. “You asked him to give you space. It’s killing him, but he’s doing it.” Teagan’s gaze moves back to Kevin as Penny whispers, “Don’t push him away anymore Teagan. Talk to him. Be honest with him about everything. He needs it as much as you. He needs to know you trust him enough to carry part of the load when you feel like you can’t go on.”

Teagan sniffles. “But it’s not fair to him to have to deal with this.”

Penny shakes her head. “No, it’s not fair of you to try to do it alone. Not when you have people that love you and just want to be with you. That’s what people do for the ones they love. They share the load.”

Teagan sighs, tears slipping down her cheeks. Suddenly, Kevin looks up and sees her. Their eyes lock and he smiles. Teagan feels the weight of the world lift off her shoulders when he blows her a kiss. She whispers softly, “Penny, I want to see him.”

Penny smiles brightly, waving for Kevin to come up. He bolts from the car at a run, as if he’s afraid she’ll change her mind. Penny pats Teagan’s shoulder. “I think we’re through for the day. Why don’t you and Kevin spend the afternoon together and talk?”

Teagan looks at her. “But…I thought…”

Penny shrugs. “Next Tuesday we’re going to talk about Caroline Tate-Smith. For now, I think you need to relax and spend the weekend with Kevin. I hope you two talk about it, but even if you don’t, this will still be good for you. You shouldn’t have spent Thanksgiving alone. So make up for it this weekend with Kevin.”

Teagan throws her arms around her therapist’s neck, much to the shock of them both, and she whispers, “Thank you Penny.”

Penny pats her back. “It’s not over yet, Teagan. But I have faith in you. You’re doing a lot better than I thought you would. Now, why don’t you go meet him halfway?”

Teagan nods quickly. “Yes…I…I want to. Thank you Penny. See you Tuesday.”

Penny watches the girl run from the office with a smile on her face. Her smile quickly fades. Tuesday will be the hardest day yet. Teagan doesn’t know it but she’s going to go back to the school. Back to where it happened. And she’s going to meet Caroline Tate-Smith face to face.

Dark Times In Still Waters
Chapter 36
By Dottie
Copyright 2014

Teagan is halfway to the elevator when the door slides open. She stops short as Kevin looks up and meets her gaze. Neither of them move for several seconds. Suddenly the elevator doors start to close.

Kevin reaches out to stop them as she takes off at a run. He barely has time to open his arms when she launches herself into them. He holds her tightly, falling back into the elevator, letting the doors slide quietly closed.

She has her arms wrapped tightly around his neck and she whispers, “I’ve missed you.”

He sighs deeply, closing his eyes. “I’ve missed you too Angel.”

The elevator starts to drop, even though he never pushed the button for the first floor. When it slows to a stop, Teagan pulls away from Kevin enough to look up into his eyes. He smiles warmly. “Come on, let’s go talk.”

Hand in hand they walk off the elevator. When they get to the parking lot, he says, “Where’s your car?”

She shakes her head. “I took a taxi.”

He pulls her towards his rental car. “Let’s go. I won’t even charge you for the ride.”

She giggles, allowing him to lead her to the dark sedan. Once they are both inside, he leans closer to her. “How are you Sweetheart?”

She reaches up to touch his face. “I’m…ok. I’m so glad to see you. I wish…why did you stay in town?”

He smiles, covering her hand with his and pressing her palm firmly against his face. "I wanted to be here in case you called me...in case you needed me."

Tears swim in her eyes. "Kevin I do...need you. I just..."

He kisses her nose. "You don't want to burden me with your problems."

She sighs softly. "Not exactly. I don't know if I can explain it. I just feel like I have to do it on my own."

He slides his face against hers and whispers, "You don't have to explain it Teagan. All you have to do is tell me what you need."

She kisses his neck softly. "Penny says you've been seeing her too."

He presses his face into her shoulder. "I just want to help you and I was hoping she could show me how I could."

Teagan pulls back. "Kevin you do help me."

He shakes his head. "No I upset you by pushing you to do things my way. I want you to go on tour with me. I just want to be with you. I can't...Penny has shown me that I can't make you see yourself the way I see you. You have to realize it on your own and I have to be patient. Something I am not very good at."

She presses her forehead to his. "I'm not exactly the easiest person to live with at the moment." She takes a slow breath before whispering, "I'm so glad you're here,"

He kisses her softly and says, "Wanna go have a late lunch?"

She shakes her head. "No. Let's go home."


Half an hour later, Teagan and Kevin are lying on the couch wrapped around around each other. Kevin stares into her eyes and whispers, "Do you know how hard it was for me to stay away?"

She sighs. "It was hard for me too. Especially at night."

He reaches up to brush her hair back. "The nightmares?"

She shivers. "Not just the nightmares...I missed you so much. But ever since I read the articles Penny gave me, they've been different. I keep seeing things..." Her voice trails off and she sighs softly.

He slides his hand to her hip and whispers sympathetically, "I'm sorry Sweetheart. Do you feel like talking about it?"

She stares into his eyes losing herself in the warmth of his gaze. "Not now."

He smiles knowingly, tightening his arms around her body. "What do you want to talk about?"

She reaches up to trace his goatee. "Anything else...nothing. I'm just so glad you're here."

Tears fill his eyes and he whispers, "I love you Teagan."


Teagan slowly opens her eyes. She's lying alone on the couch. She looks around not seeing Kevin, but the delicious aroma filling the room tells her he's in the kitchen. She sits up slowly, looking around.

Kevin comes out of the kitchen, smiling when he sees her awake. "Hey Beautiful, you're finally awake."

She stretches a little. "How long did I sleep?"

He smiles. "All afternoon. I think I spent a good hour just staring at you. You were smiling in your sleep. I hope that means you were dreaming about me."

She blushes, looking down at her lap. "I don't remember dreaming. It was just so nice having you here with me."

He sits beside her on the edge of the couch and takes her hand. "I'm glad to be here with you Darling. Now, are you hungry? I made dinner."

She raises her gaze to meet his. "You could have woken me up. I would have helped you."

He shakes his head. "You needed to sleep. Besides, I wanted to do something for you. I just hope you can eat what I made. I'm not what you'd call a gourmet chef."

Teagan leans closer to him, kissing his cheek. "I'm a pretty simple girl. Gourmet really isn't my style. What did you make?"

He brushes her hair back from her face. "Well I didn't find leftovers from your Thanksgiving dinner so I made you a chicken stir fry."

Her eyes shine with love. "That sounds delicious."

He places a gentle kiss on her lips. "Come on, we need to eat while it's hot."

She winds her arms around his neck. "Think it can wait a couple more minutes?"

He slides his arms around her waist and pulls her against his body. "I believe we have a little bit of time. Is there something you want to do first?"

She smiles tenderly "Just this."

As her lips touch his, he pulls her onto his lap and into his arms. Twisting around he presses her against the back of the couch and deepens the kiss. Her arms tighten around his neck as she moans. He hears the sound of pleasure and he feels empowered. The fact that someone so fragile...so delicate...is finding such immense pleasure from his touch makes him feel ecstatic. His love for her grows deeper and stronger with every passing minute.

His hand slides to her hip and then down to her thigh, lifting her leg up so he can slide his knee between them and press it firmly the juncture of her thighs. Their bodies are entwined as intimately as their tongues are as they dance together in a ritual of love and lust.

When they part, both fighting to regain control of their erratic breathing. She stares into his eyes. He smiles tenderly and whispers, "I love you Sweetheart."

Tears shimmer in her eyes when she whispers back, "I love you too."

He brushes away the one tear that escapes and slips down her cheek. "Come on, let's have dinner."

As he stands and helps her to her feet, she asks timidly, "Can we have dessert in bed?"

He chuckles, shooting her a sexy smirk. "Your wish is my command, My Love."

Dark Times in Still Waters
Chapter 37
By Dottie
Copyright 2014

Brian wakes up from a mid-afternoon nap to find Natalie sitting on the patio staring at the ocean. He can tell she has a lot on her mind. He walks over and sits down on the chair beside her thighs. "What's wrong Natty?"

She turns to him. "I can't stop thinking about Teagan. As much as I love being here with you, I shouldn't have left her alone for Thanksgiving."

He cups her face with his hand. "You know if you had stayed, she'd have felt guilty as hell. She wants to do all this alone and every time you try to help her, she just gets more depressed. You told me yourself she's facing things head on. Penny seems to be helping her."

Natalie sighs. "I know you're right. But she's all alone. Kevin left because she asked him to. I just...I'm scared Brian. She was suicidal."

Brian scoots closer to her. "What would you say if I told you Kevin never left town?"

Natalie's mouth drops. "Where was he? Why didn't he call her? She cried herself to sleep every night!"

Brian grabs her hands. "Natty, listen to me. He's been seeing Teagan's therapist too. She told Kevin the best thing any of us can do is just to do exactly what Teagan asks of us."

Natalie sighs, leaning forward to put her head on his shoulder. "I just miss the old Teagan so much. She hasn't laughed in months. She's..."

Brian pulls back and grips her shoulders. "Kevin sent me a text message. He's with Teagan. And she's fine."

Natalie's eyes light up. "Really? She's not alone?"

He shakes his head. "She's not alone. Now, can we talk about something else?"

Her smile fades. "I'm sorry Brian. I'm so sorry."

He slides his fingers through her hair. "Natty, you don't have to be sorry. I know how much Teagan means to you. I just don't think you realize how much of yourself you're losing. Do you think she's going to be happy if she knows you are miserable? You want her to live her life, but you're not living yours."

She hears his words and she realizes he's right. "You're right Brian."

His lips curve up in an easy smile. "You're an amazing lady, Natalie Byron. Meeting you has got to be the single most incredible thing that's ever happened to me." Her mouth forms a silent 'o' as he continues softly. "I'm not Mr. Romance like Kevin. I don't always show my sentimental side because frankly I've been burned one too many times. I've treated you more like a buddy than a girlfriend...I want to change that."

Her heart pounds and she manages to whisper, "What are you saying?"

His eyes roam around her face. "I'm saying I care about you. I care a LOT about you. I want you to be my girlfriend."

She reaches up to curl her fingers around his arm. “When you say girlfriend…”

He laughs. “I mean my girl. No one else in my life but you. No one else in your life but me.”

She smiles. “I haven’t seen anyone since we started seeing each other.”

His smile fades. “You…for real? No dates?”

She feels her heart sink. “No, no one. The last two months, the only person I’ve been out with is you.” When he doesn’t say anything, she stammers, “I take it you can’t say the same?”

He stands slowly, moving away from her. “Natty, we always said ‘no strings, no regrets’ didn’t we? It was just a good time. I’ve…I’m not going to lie to you, I took an old girlfriend out a time or two, but that was it. Just dinner, nothing else.”

Natalie can feel jealousy stab at her heart, but she hides it well. “We did say that Brian. If I say yes to being your girlfriend…”

He turns to face her. “You mean…you’re not mad?”

She shrugs, struggling to keep her face from showing the pain. “You’re right, we did say no regrets and it was all in fun…”

He strides back over to her, sitting down and grabbing her hands. “It wasn’t just ‘all in fun’ Natty. What I was feeling for you scared me. I asked Carrie out because I wanted to prove to myself I wasn’t falling for you. But it didn’t work.”

Natalie bites her lip and stares into his eyes. After a minute, she says, “Did you…sleep with her?”

He shakes his head vehemently. “No! We just had dinner and went dancing once. The other time we went to a movie. I…I only kissed her and it was…it wasn’t you.” When she looks away, he mutters, “Natty I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have told you. I just…I didn’t realize…”

Suddenly, Natalie sees that deep down inside, Brian is extremely insecure. His less-than-serious nature covers up some serious anxiety he has with commitment. She scoots closer to him and whispers, “I’d love to be your girl Brian.”

He slides his arms around her waist and laces his fingers on her back. “Are you sure? I mean…I…”

She leans closer and kisses him softly. “I want to be with you Brian.”

He pushes her onto her back on the lounger and stretches out beside her. His fingertips slide up under her shirt to tease her stomach as he drops his lips onto hers for a sensual kiss. He has one of her hands trapped between their bodies. Her other hand slides up his well defined arm to his neck. She lightly scratches his neck as she opens her mouth to his.

Just as his hand pushes her shirt up so he can cup her breast, her phone rings. They break apart slowly, both of them recognizing Teagan’s ringtone. Brian stares at her with affection and murmurs, “It’s ok if you want to answer it.”

She turns her head to look at her phone before turning back to Brian. “I’ll call her back.”

He smiles wickedly, swiping his thumb over her nipple as he drops his lips to her neck. As he sucks on the sensitive flesh below her ears, she moans, “Should we take this inside?”

He lifts his head and looks around. Two of his neighbors do have a somewhat unobstructed view of his back yard. Sighing, he stands, holding his hand out to help her up. “We are definitely going inside. No one gets to see you but me.”

She smiles evilly, standing close to him and pulling his head to hers for a hot, steamy kiss. He gets so into her, he doesn’t realize she’s maneuvered them closer to the pool. When they pull apart, breathing hard, Natalie whispers, “First one to the bedroom gets to ride.”

He opens his mouth for a saucy reply, but doesn’t get to make it as she shoves him into the pool. When he comes up sputtering, she laughs. He moves to the steps of the pool and starts up them, shooting her a menacing glare. “You’re gonna pay for that Natty.”

She turns to run from him as he takes off after her. Just as she reaches the bedroom door, he grabs her from behind and pushes her against the wall. With his wet body pressed against her back, he murmurs huskily, “You might get to ride, Wench…but when I get through with you, you won’t be able to sit for a week.”

She squirms as he grabs her and spins her around to face him. With his wet chest pressed against hers, she whispers, “Promise?”

He grins wickedly, pressing his knee firmly between her thighs. “I fucking guarantee it Baby.”

Dark Times In Still Waters
Chapter 38
By Dottie
Copyright 2014

Kevin finds Teagan sitting cross-legged on the sofa staring at her phone. He falls down on the couch beside her and wraps his arm around her. "Kitchen is all cleaned up, Babe."

She throws him a grateful smile. "You didn't have to clean up by yourself, but thanks."

He sighs, looking proud of himself. "I like doing things for you Baby. Besides, I know you wanted to call Natalie. How's she doing with Brian?"

She shrugs. "I don't know. She didn't answer."

Kevin rolls his head over to look at her. "You're worried something's wrong?"

She sighs. "No...I just...she always answers her phone."

Kevin laughs. "If I know my cousin, and I know him well...he's probably got her in bed."

Teagan blushes hotly as Kevin's laughter grows. She slaps his thigh and pushes away from him. "You're terrible."

He slides closer to her and pulls her into his arms. "I'm just being honest. Brian is so into Natalie it's almost comical. He's using this weekend to ask her to be his girlfriend."

Her eyes widen. "Really?"

Kevin smiles. "Yes, Darling. Brian's not had a girlfriend in almost two years. Natalie restored his belief in true love." Leaning closer to kiss her softly, he whispers, "The same way you restored mine."

Tears sting her eyes and she cuddles up close to him. "Don't make me cry Kevin. I'm so tired of crying."

He squeezes her gently. "Teagan, do you want to talk about it?"

She sighs. "Not now. I want to spend the weekend with you forgetting it. But...I do want to ask you a favor."

He kisses the top of her head. "Anything Baby."

She rubs his stomach through his sweater. "I...have an appointment with Penny on Tuesday. Will...will you go with me?"

His heart hammers in his chest. "I...yeah, I'll go. Of course I'll go."

She tilts her head back, smiling. "You sound surprised."

He kisses her nose. "I am. You said you wanted to do this alone."

She lays her head back down on his shoulder. "I did. I do. But I don't think I can do it on my own. Every day since you left I've felt...so alone."

He rubs her arm. "Sweetheart, you were never alone. I hope you know that."

She nods, her hair tickling his neck. "I know all I had to do was call. Or ask Nat to go. But I didn't because I felt...I wanted to prove to all of you...and to myself...that I'm strong enough to do this." Sighing, she whispers, "I'm not strong enough Kevin. Every session I have with Penny gets harder and harder to handle. I hear what she's saying but...I'm afraid."

He lays his head over against hers. "Teagan...Baby you don't ever have to be afraid. If anything gets to be too much, I'll always be here to help you through it." She shivers in his arms and he whispers, "You know what Sweetheart?"

She moves away from him to look at him. "What?"

He smiles. "You didn't want to talk about it, but we are. What does that tell you?"

She presses her lips to his cheek. "I'm safe with you. I don't...feel like a monster."

She sees tears well up in his eyes. "You're not a monster...you never were. Someday you're going to believe that and you're going to know it's true."

She lays her head on his chest, snuggling in closer. "I miss my kids so much Kevin. They were always so eager to learn about music. And they loved putting on shows. One of my little ones, Meagan...oh she was such a little performer. Always smiling...never missed a note..." Her voice falters and she cries, "She said when she grew up she wanted to be just like me!"

She's overcome with emotion and her body quakes as she sobs. Kevin holds her tight, tears of his own raining down his face. Even if he knew what to say, he couldn't form the words. He hears the agony in her voice and he feels the pain she feels.


Several minutes pass as she cries her heart out. When her sobs are reduced to whimpers and sniffles, Kevin manages to whisper, "Sweetheart?"

She shudders as she takes a deep breath, her body completely drained after her meltdown. "I'm sorry."

He kisses her forehead. "Would you quit saying you're sorry? There's nothing to be sorry about. You've been holding this in for so long, Baby. You had to let it out."

She slides her legs up over his, putting her arm around his neck. He lifts her up on his lap, cradling her in his arms. She puts her other arm around his neck and hugs him. "It's easier to stay angry. If I'm angry, it doesn't hurt."

He rubs her back. "If it doesn't hurt, it will never heal." She sighs, pressing her face into his neck. He closes his eyes. "I don't think Meagan could pick a better role model Teagan." When she sniffles, he whispers, "You CAN teach Teagan. You have the heart and you have the knowledge. Your voice was a tool...you have other tools you can use." Under his breath, he mutters, "Oh how I wish I could hear you sing."

She takes a shaky breath. "Maybe...you can."

His hand stops moving on her back. She sits up to look at him. She sees excitement and longing in his eyes and she pushes herself up off of his lap and goes down the hall to her room. She comes back less than a minute later carrying a disc.

Without saying a word, she puts the disc in the DVD player and grabs the remote. When she settles beside him, once again wrapped in his arms, she starts the disc.

He feels her shiver when the music begins. He kisses her temple then turns his gaze back to the television. It's a home made video of a play. He recognizes the music as the same music she played on the cruise. As the lights come up and the play starts, he completely enthralled.


When the play is over and the screen goes black, he turns to look at Teagan. She's sitting quietly, pressed against him, with silent tears dried on her face. He cups her chin and turns her gaze to his. He can see she's hurting and hurting badly. Pressing his forehead to hers, he whispers, "Thank you." She opened herself up to a lot of pain to share her past with him.

Lifting her in his arms, he carries her to the bedroom and lays down on the bed with her, holding her close. Kissing her cheek softly, moving his lips gently across her face, he whispers, "I love you Baby...I love you so much."

She snuggles against him, waiting for the sobs to start. But they don't. It hurt to watch her last performance with the local theater group, but sharing it with Kevin made it easier...almost cathartic...to watch.

With her arm around his waist and her face pressed close to his, she whispers, "I will be ok, won't I Kevin?"

He nods, kissing her lips. "You will Baby. I promise you will."

Dark Times In Still Waters
Chapter 39
By Dottie
Copyright 2014

Brian comes home with Natalie Sunday afternoon. For the first time in months, their apartment is filled with laughter. At dinnertime, Kevin and Brian went out to pick up food leaving Natalie and Teagan to talk.

Teagan listens to Natalie ramble on and on about her weekend with Brian. She knows Natalie is trying to avoid asking her about her therapy and Kevin. Finally, she butts in and says, "Nat, its ok if you want to ask."

Natalie stares at her. "Are you ok? What made you call Kevin?"

Teagan smiles softly. "I didn't. He saw Penny Friday before I did and he waited. I...when I saw him in the parking lot waiting for me...I realized I can't do it alone. I need him and you and...well...he's going to my session with me on Tuesday. I know you have to work but maybe...well...can we talk about it?"

She nods eagerly. "Of course...Teag...anything you need!"

Teagan lowers her eyes. "Have you seen...how is Caroline?"

Natalie reaches for Teagan's hand. "She took a leave. I haven't seen her in weeks."

Teagan looks around the room, her nerves on edge. Finally she whispers, "It wasn't her fault. It wasn't anyone's fault."

Natalie scoots closer to Teagan and puts her arm around her shoulder. "You're right, it wasn't. Are you...Teag, are you ok?"

Teagan nods. "I think so. I told Kevin, I want to stay angry because when I'm mad it doesn't hurt. He said if it doesn't hurt it will never heal."

Natalie chuckles. "That sounds like an old adage those Kentucky boys learned at their Grandma's knee."

Teagan smiles. "You're right it does. But...I think he's right." Looking at Natalie, she whispers, "I need to talk to Caroline."

With tears in her eyes Natalie whispers, "Want to go now?"

Teagan nods. "Yes. I want to go before Kevin and Brian get back. This is...I know Kevin wants to be with me for all of this, but I think when I talk to Caroline it will be better for both of us if you're there."

Natalie stands up and grabs her purse. "OK, let's go. But what about the boys?"

Teagan sighs. "Can you call Brian and tell him to stall Kevin? Maybe give us an hour?"

She nods. "Sure, I'll call from the car, let's go."


When they park in front of Caroline Tate-Smith's house, Teagan feels uneasy. She almost chickens out until she sees Caroline come out onto the porch with her 4 year old son, Nathan. Even though both are bundled up against the cold, Teagan can see Caroline has lost weight. Her face is pale and even though she's laughing at her son's antics in the snow, the smile doesn't reach her eyes.

Teagan gets out of the car and waits to be noticed. When Caroline looks up and sees her she gasps. Natalie walks around the car and says, "Hey Caroline." Seeing the little boy looking up at her smiling, she kneels. "Hi Nathan. How's my favorite boyfriend?"

As Nathan giggles and throws a loose handful of snow at Natalie, Caroline steps closer to Teagan. "I...what...how are you?"

Teagan shrugs lightly. "I guess...I don't really know. I...Caroline, are you ok?"

Shaking her head, Caroline whispers. "No. Oh God Teagan, I'm so sorry about what John did. He was so sick...I tried so hard to get him to go back into the hospital. I begged and pleaded with them to take him..."

Teagan steps closer and grabs Caroline in a fierce hug. As the two ladies embrace, Teagan whispers, "It's not your fault Caroline. It's no one's fault." As the younger woman sobs, Teagan whispers, "I'm sorry your brother died."

Caroline sobs harder and Teagan holds her tightly, her own tears falling. She hears Nathan cry out, "Mommy, Mommy!"

As Caroline pulls away to turn to her son, Teagan whispers, "I'm sorry if I upset him."

Caroline scoops up Nathan, hugging him closely. "It's ok...Mommy cries a lot lately. He just doesn’t understand."

Teagan shivers and reaches out to touch Caroline's arm. "Caroline...please...don't cry because of what happened to me. It's not your fault."

Sniffling, Caroline whispers, "Whose fault is it? He was after me."

Shaking her head, Teagan whispers, "No...I don't think so. I don't think your brother would have tried to hurt anyone if he hadn't been sick." As she's saying the words, Teagan realizes it's not just to placate a grieving sister. She knows herself its true. "He didn't mean to hurt me or anyone else Caroline."

With Nathan clinging to her neck, Caroline hugs Teagan. "When he was medicated he was the nicest guy in the world. I...I lost John a long time before he died that day. When they told me he was dead, I was...almost relieved. He wasn't in pain anymore."

Teagan nods, her breathing shallow. "Caroline...we both have to let it go. Maybe...maybe we can have lunch soon. I still…I have trouble coping sometimes. But maybe you can tell me about…your brother. Before he got sick.”

Caroline nods slowly. "I'd like to talk to you about him Teagan."

Giving her a small smile, Teagan whispers, "I'll call you." Rubbing Nathan's back, she whispers, "You take care of your Mommy ok?" He nods shyly. Looking at Caroline, she whispers, "If...if you need to talk...I have an awesome therapist. Her name is Penelope Grant. If...if it hadn't been for her...and Natalie and Kevin...I don't think I could have come here."

Caroline nods slowly. "I...I'm so glad you came. I never had a chance...to tell you..."

Teagan shakes her head. "It's ok Caroline. I wouldn't have listened before now anyway." She turns to walk away and then looks back. "It's good to see you Caroline."

Caroline nods, tears shining in her eyes. "It's good to see you too Teagan."


Once they are on their way back to the apartment, Natalie glances at her friend. "Teagan, are you ok?"

Sighing, Teagan whispers, "I guess." In a shaky voice, she says softly, "I never realized...I wasn't the only one that got hurt. I wasn't even the one that was hurt the worst. I...I lost my job. She lost her family."

Natalie pulls off the road, cutting the engine, before turning to Teagan. "Sweetie, you lost more than your job. I feel bad for Caroline, I do. She did lose part of her family. But you lost part of you. And now look at you...you're back."

Teagan sighs deeply. "Am I back?"

Natalie smiles and nods. "Of course you are. Look what you just did. You opened your heart up and did what you always do. You took care of someone else. You didn't let that scar stop you from caring about others."

Reaching up to touch her neck, Teagan whispers, "I forgot all about it."

Natalie smiles. "Of course you did. Because it doesn't change who you are."

Teagan smiles with her friend, tears stinging her eyes. "Nat...let's go home."

Natalie nods, starting the car. "Yes, let's go have dinner with our guys."

Teagan chuckles. "You're happy with Brian, aren't you?"

Natalie sighs, nodding. "More than you'll ever know. For a while, I thought we were just going to be fuck buddies. I tried to tell myself that was enough, but it wasn't and it never would have been. I...I went to California to break up with him. I love him but I wasn't ready to settle for half of him."

Teagan looks out the window and smiles. "You shouldn't settle Nat. You deserve only the best."

Natalie laughs. "We both do. There's something about these Kentucky cousins..."

Thinking about Kevin, her heart races. "They are pretty special, aren't they?"

Natalie spares her a glance as she turns into the parking lot of their building. "They are the best. And don't we deserve the best?"

As she gets out of the car, she looks up and sees Kevin and Brian waiting just inside the door of their building talking. When Kevin looks up and catches sight of her, his smile widens. She sighs and whispers, "Yes...they are the best."

Dark Times In Still Waters
Chapter 40
By Dottie
Copyright 2014

Tuesday morning, Teagan wakes up beside Kevin. She’s very nervous about today…about taking him to her therapy session. She knows it’s the right decision, but she’s afraid of what Kevin will think of her when Penny starts asking her questions about her darker thoughts.

After showering and dressing in a red turtle neck sweater with a black jumper and tights, she tugs on her knee high boots, grabs her coat and slips out of the apartment. She walks around the block, letting her mind clear and thinking about something Kevin mentioned last night. They’ll be touring soon. He didn’t ask her to go, but the thought of him being gone for months makes her feel…sad. She can’t help but wonder what would happen if he meets someone new. Someone that’s not so fucked up they forgot how to be happy.

The cold air chills her to the bone and she heads back at a brisk pace. Just as she reaches the parking lot, a gentle snowfall starts to fall. She looks up at the gray skies that match her mood completely.

From across the parking lot, she hears her favorite Southern drawl. “Teagan, are you ok?”

When her eyes meet his, she realizes that she is ok. Maybe she’s still self conscious about her scars and her voice, but she no longer wants to die. She wants to live. She wants to live her life with Kevin. On the road if she has to. She just knows she can’t wait around for months for him to come back. Being alone only sent her deeper into her depression. Being alone almost pushed her over the edge and into the abyss.

Running up to him, she throws her arms around his neck. “I’m ok. I…I really think I’m ok.”

He hugs her tightly, inhaling the fragrance of her hair. “Sweetheart, what happened?”

She shakes her head against his neck. “I don’t know. I just…” She pulls back to look at him. “Kevin, I’m happy. I feel…I feel like me again. I don’t know how else to explain it.”

He smiles. “You don’t have to Baby. All I need to know is you’re happy.”

She smiles. “Kevin…after my session today I want to ask you something.”

He looks at her curiously. “Ask me now.”

She shakes her head. “Not now. I want to wait.”

He smiles seductively. “OK Beautiful, whatever you want.” He checks his watch. “You ready to go?”

She nods. “Yeah. I just need to get my purse.”

He shakes his head. “You don’t need it. I have everything you need in my coat pocket.”

She eyes him skeptically. “Everything? What do you mean you have everything?”

He reaches into his pocket and pulls out her house keys, her cell phone and her favorite lipstick. She chuckles. “You forgot the Altoids.”

He reaches into his other pocket, pulling out her favorite cinnamon mints. “I did not.”

She laughs, sliding her arms around his waist. “I love you Kevin.”

He shoves her stuff back into his pockets and crushes her in his arms. “I love you too Teagan.”


Teagan is playing with her phone as Kevin drives to the appointment. He’s grateful for her distraction because once she realizes their true destination is the school, she might just fall apart. Or get very, very angry.

When he turns onto the street the school is on she glances up. He hears her gasp and shoots a worried glance her way but she isn't even looking at him. Every tree along the street has a long purple ribbon wrapped around it tied into big bows. On the ends of the ribbons there's musical notes and beneath the bows hang signs made on brightly colored poster board.

Each one is designed differently but the messages all read the same. 'We miss you Miss Michaels'. Her hand creeps out and finds Kevin's leg. He covers her hand with his and squeezes. She whispers, "Why?"

In a soft voice, he says, "Just...go with it. Please."

When the turn off for the school comes up he feels her start to shake, even though the only part of her touching him is her hand on her thigh. When he stops at the gate, the security guard leans down to look in the window. When the elderly man sees Teagan in the passenger seat, a genuine smile lights his eyes. "Glory be, Miss Michaels it is you! Welcome back!"

Kevin hears the happiness and longing in her quiet voice when she says, "Hello Mr. Carlton. How are you?"

The old man's eyes are filled with kindness and happy tears when he says, "Doing well, Miss. Doing well. I have a new grand baby you need to meet. A tiny little thing. They named her Rosie."

Teagan smiles. "I'd love to see some pictures of her Mr. Carlton." She glances at Kevin. "But we..."

He steps back and waves them through. "You go on Miss. You know I'll be here when you come out." His smile fades a little as he whispers, "It's good to have you back again Missy."

As Kevin pulls closer to the building to park, she whispers, "Why are we here?" When he doesn't answer, she turns to look at him. "Kevin?"

He sighs. "Penny asked me to bring you and that's all I can tell you.”

Teagan doesn’t move as Kevin gets out and slowly walks around the car. She looks at the door, seeing Penny standing there with the principal, Mr. Stansel. Gritting her teeth, she allows Kevin to help her out of the car. When they walk up to the door, Mr. Stansel clears his throat. “Welcome back, Teagan. We’ve missed you here.”

She nods slowly. “I…miss it too.” She turns to Penny. “Why are we here?”

Penny hears the anger in her voice and she’s pleased. “We’re here to face the past. And to show you that you have made a difference.” She turns to Mr. Stansel. “Thank you for letting us do this.”

He nods. “I’m glad we can help. Come to the office when you’re ready.”

As he walks away, Penny turns to Teagan. “I know you’re feeling a lot of anger right now…but this is important.”

Teagan nods stiffly. “Can we get this over with? I don’t want to be here.”

Kevin sighs, putting his hand on her back. “Sweetheart if you want to leave…”

Penny shakes her head. “No. If you leave you’ll never get over it. Come on.” They follow Penny as she leads them to the courtyard where Teagan was shot. Teagan reaches for Kevin's hand. Kevin stays close to her, watching her closely. He can tell she's struggling to keep it together.

Kevin watches Teagan start to shake as Penny opens the door. He starts to pull her away when she whispers, "No, I have to." She lets go of his hand and steps through the doorway and into her past.


The sun was shining. She was walking with her youngest group...the kindergarten class. They were all giggling and laughing, excited about learning the song for the school's Grandparent's Day breakfast. A few of them ran ahead to splash their hands in the water at the fountain. She was leading them back to their classroom on the way to see Natalie when little Jasmine Lee had grabbed her hand and screamed.

Teagan turns toward the door where John Tate had been standing. In her mind’s eye she sees him looking around wildly. He's shooting like he's being attacked by some unknown assailant. His eyes meet hers as she runs for the kids by the fountain.

She stops at the spot where she fell. Kevin starts to move closer to her when Penny stops him. Penny moves to stand by the fountain. "Teagan...what do you remember?"

Teagan sighs, lifting her hand slowly. "He was over there. He looked...scared. He was jumpy and screaming. I don't...I couldn't understand what he was saying. He was incoherent." She looks at the fountain. "Jason and Liam were splashing in the fountain. Sabrina was trying to get them to stop. They were splashing her."

Penny sits on the edge of the fountain, running her hand through the water. "Teagan?"

Sighing Teagan whispers, "Jasmine grabbed my hand and screamed. I pushed her to the ground and told the other children to get down. Jason and Liam started crying. Sabrina ran toward me. I pushed her behind a pillar then went for the boys."

Her brow furrows. Kevin ignores Penny and steps closer. "Sweetheart?"

Teagan shakes her head, stepping away from him. "It's...he started stomping his feet, like he was stepping on a spider or something. Then he started shooting at the ground and...and..."

Kevin watches sadly as Teagan kneels down and puts her hand on the ground. The door in front of Teagan opens and Caroline Tate-Smith walks through it, followed closely by an older couple.

Teagan looks up and sees them. Caroline comes closer and kneels by Teagan. "My parents...John and Amanda. They...we all...Teagan, we're so sorry!"

Teagan grabs her hand and whispers, "It's not your fault." She stands and faces John Tate's parents. "It's no one's fault."

The older lady steps forward, tears streaking her face. "Miss Michaels, I wish I could change things. If only we could go back...you wouldn't be hurt. It's all our fault. We couldn't keep John in the hospital. He'd get better and stop taking his medication...we tried so hard to make him understand he had to keep taking it..."

Teagan reaches for the older woman's shaking hands. "Mrs. Tate...please stop blaming yourself. None of this...it's not your fault."

As the woman begins to sob, her husband steps up. "John wasn't a bad man, Miss Michaels. He...his friends got him started on illegal drugs. Most of the time he didn't even know who we were." He puts his arm around his wife. "Amanda and I were going to have him committed. Caroline had convinced us we couldn't help him any longer."

Amanda sniffles loudly. "John found out. He said he'd never live in a hospital. He'd rather be dead. I thought...I really thought he was going to kill himself. I called Caroline that day. She was going to help me look for him."

Caroline steps forward. "After you were injured, the police shot John. When I was cleaning out his car...I found a suicide note. He was going to get high one more time...I guess whatever he took really messed him up. I don't even know if he knew where he was in the end."

Teagan wipes her cheeks. "When I saw him...he acted like he was seeing things." She wraps her arms around her stomach. "Please...I don't want any of you to blame yourselves. It...it was just an accident."

Penny walks over and says, "You really believe it now, don't you Teagan?"

Teagan nods. "I do." She turns and looks at Kevin. He smiles encouragingly. She smiles back before turning to Penny. "When you brought me here, I remembered it...I remembered everything. You were right; I don't even think he actually saw me or the children. Whatever he was seeing...it was scaring him."

Penny feels relieved that Teagan is finally accepting that she wasn't a target. She realizes it was just a freak accident. There was no malice intended. No plot to ruin her life. It’s time for the final hurdle; convincing her that her life as a teacher doesn't have to be over because of this. If she wants to stop teaching, it should be because she’s moving on with Kevin. Not because of what happened to her.

Penny's brow furrows. This is the one part of the plan she was unsure of. It might set Teagan back in her recovery...or it could set her free. Taking a deep breath, she nods to Kevin. It's time.

Dark Times In Still Waters
Chapter 41
By Dottie
Copyright 2014

When they get to the office, the school secretary comes from behind her desk and hugs Teagan. "Welcome back."

Teagan forces a smile, feeling exhausted from the roller coaster of emotion she's been on. "How are you Leslie?"

She smiles warmly. "I'm doing well. Keeping busy."

Mr. Stansel comes out of his office. Penny walks over to him and Teagan hears him murmur, "Everything is ready."

She moves away from Leslie. "What is ready?"

Mr. Stansel and Leslie leave the office. Kevin kisses Teagan's cheek and murmurs, "I love you." When he leaves the office too, Teagan turns to Penny and waits.

Penny leans against the counter. "Teagan, when I approached Mr. Stansel about coming here today, he suggested that maybe some of the students could see you. Talk to you. They miss you terribly. I...I think you need this Teagan. You need to know that you've made a difference in their lives."

Teagan's lip quivers. "Penny, it's too much...I can't...I don't think I can do it."

Penny reaches out and grabs Teagan by her shoulders. "Listen to me...you can do this. You just looked into the hearts of a broken family and helped them find closure. Your kids want to do something extra special for you...won't you please let them?"

Teagan thinks about her kids and her heart just melts. She shivers as she slowly nods her head. "OK...but...where did Kevin go?"

Penny smiles. "He's not far away. Come on. Let's go. I think you're going to love this Teagan. I truly do."

When they walk into the gymnasium, Teagan is greeted by thunderous applause. She stops just inside the door, looking around. All of her kids are wearing purple t-shirts with musical notes on them. Penny holds her arm and guides her across the basketball court to the center of the bleachers where a spot is waiting for her to sit. She sees Kevin waiting, surrounded by his fellow band mates. Natalie is there too, smiling widely with tears pouring from her eyes.

Suddenly, a young girl breaks away from the bleachers and runs toward Teagan. Teagan smiles through her tears as Meagan, her 8 year old would-be mini-me, throws herself into her favorite teacher’s arms. Over the roar of the crowd, she hears Meagan cry out, “I’ve missed you Miss Michaels.”

Teagan hugs her tightly and whispers hoarsely, “I’ve missed you too! So much!”

Meagan steps back and grabs her hand, pulling her to the seat of honor. Once Teagan is sitting beside Kevin, her hand in his, Mr. Stansel steps up to the podium. As the cheers subside, he says, “Miss Michaels, on behalf of the staff and the children, I’d like to say it’s good to see you back. You have truly been missed.” The crowd roars again and Teagan lays her head over on Kevin’s shoulder, overwhelmed by the amount of love she’s feeling.

Once the kids calm down again, Mr. Stansel says, “Miss Michaels, you’ve been with us here for a long time. Some of our students have had you as their music teacher for their entire academic career.” As the kids cheer, Natalie slides her arm around Teagan’s shoulder and hugs her. Mr. Stansel continues. “What happened earlier this year…it affected us all deeply. We’ve had counselors helping us try to cope with the upheaval…and the tragedy. Today, you’re here and it gives us an opportunity to tell you…to show you…you have been a great influence…a great teacher…and a great role model. We appreciate your work and your dedication…and your sacrifice for your students. Jasmine Lee, Jason Pruitt and Liam O’Connel are alive today because of your quick thinking, selfless act. As a tribute to you, your kids have found a way to say thank you.” Turning, he motions to the side. “Mr. Phelps, please come up.”

Mr. Stansel sits as the kids cheer. A young man around 25 steps up to the podium. “Miss Michaels, you don’t know me. I’m Damon Phelps…I’m the interim music teacher here.” Teagan feels a pang of jealousy but hides it well as he continues. “Ever since I accepted the position, it’s been understood that if you decide to come back, the job is yours.” Teagan’s mouth drops. The young man smiles and goes on. “I can’t begin to replace you in these kids’ lives. They adore you and there isn’t a day that goes by that one of them doesn’t mention you and how much you mean to them.”

Teagan sniffles glancing over her shoulder at the faces of the children she’s taught. She turns her attention back to the man at the microphone, jealousy forgotten, as he says, “I’ve been working with them on something special. Something we were hoping we’d get a chance to do for you. If you’ll bear with us…”

Two of the janitors rush out to move the podium. Nick climbs down from the bleachers and kisses Teagan on the cheek. “You look beautiful Miss Michaels.”

As he jogs over to the sound system set up under one of the goals, Kevin leans closer to Teagan and whispers, “You do you know.”

She sighs. “What’s going on Kevin?”

He chuckles. “Just watch.”

She turns and watches as Mr. Phelps along with three other teachers quickly set up the risers used in choral concerts. Once everything is ready, he once again takes microphone in hand. “Miss Michaels, may I present the Kinder-bears.”

Teagan watches in amusement as all the little ones climb carefully off the bleachers and make their way to the risers. Once they are in place, Mr. Phelps says, “Miss Michaels, in your honor…”

As he walks to the side of the risers, he nods to Nick who starts the music. Teagan’s eyes fill up with tears when she hears her little ones begin to sing.

You are my sunshine
My only sunshine
You make me happy
When skies are gray
You’ll never know dear
How much I love you
Please don’t take my sunshine away

Her tears fall freely as they sing to her. It was the song she had introduced to the class at the beginning of the year. The one her students were working so hard to learn for Grandparents’ Day. Every word, every note is precious to Teagan. She leans forward, drinking in the sights and sounds of her youngest students paying tribute to her in the sweetest way they possibly can.

When the song is over, she joins the rest of the students in a rousing ovation. As the younger ones gingerly climb down from the risers, Jasmine, Liam and Jason come running up to her and take turns hugging her neck. Liam and Jason both are embarrassed because she’s crying and make a quick escape. Jasmine pulls back more slowly and whispers, “I miss you. Are you ok?”

Struggling to fight off another bout of tears, Teagan whispers, “I’m just fine Jasmine. I miss you too.”

As she runs off to join her class, Kevin leans closer. “Are you really ok Sweetie?”

She turns to meet his gaze, overcome with emotion. “I don’t know. But…I’m so glad you’re here.”

He leans closer and kisses her forehead. “I’m glad I’m here too. I love you Miss Michaels.”

She reaches up to touch his face. “I love you too.”

Dark Times In Still Waters
Chapter 42
By Dottie
Copyright 2014

Once the kindergarten class is seated again, Mr. Phelps steps up to the microphone. "And now, Miss Michaels, for your entertainment, I give you the First Grade Flamingos."

As the class moves to take their places on the show risers, Natalie leans closer to Teagan. "Each class voted on their names. They chose animals because you decorated the music room with animals this year."

Teagan smiles warmly at Natalie. "I think it's wonderful. Did...did you know they were going to do this?"

Natalie shakes her head. "Not until I got to work this morning. The consensus is I can't keep my big mouth shut."

As Teagan laughs, Brian leans up and says, "They're right, you can't."

Natalie smacks him on the knee. "I thought a boyfriend is supposed to be supportive."

He smiles, putting his arm around her shoulders loosely. "I'm supportive Baby. Just telling it like it is."

Teagan laughs at them, her heart feeling lighter knowing Natalie is happy and in love with Brian. She turns her attention back to the presentation, her eyes scanning the faces of her 6 year-olds. They look so proud standing and waiting for Nick to start their music.

Nick is a puzzle in itself to Teagan. Turning to Kevin, she whispers, "How long has this been in the works?"

He looks a little guilty as he says, "Can we talk about it after the show please?"

She nods, letting her eyes drift back to the children ready to perform. When the kids start singing, tears slowly trickle down her cheeks. She brushes them away as the tiny voices sing proudly for her.

Why are there so many songs about rainbows
and what's on the other side?
Rainbows are visions, but only illusions,
and rainbows have nothing to hide.
So we've been told and some choose to believe it.
I know they're wrong, wait and see.
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection.
The lovers, the dreamers and me.

She's pressed tightly against Kevin as they finish the song. She claps enthusiastically as the kids smile and wave to her as they climb down the risers and return to their seats.

Penny is sitting close by and she moves to kneel in front of Teagan. "I do believe you're enjoying yourself."

Teagan smiles, taking the tissue Penny is holding out. She wipes her eyes and her nose as she says, "I am. Penny..."

Penny holds up her hand. "We'll talk about it after the show. Just...enjoy it."

As she returns to her seat, AJ leans over. "Teagan...it's good to see you smile. For a while there, I thought only Kevin could bring a smile to your face."

She turns her gaze to the man she loves. Kevin smiles at her lovingly as she replies “For a while there, only he could." She glances at AJ. "Of course you can too."

AJ beams. "Good answer."

Kevin slips his arm around her shoulders. "This is my girl AJ...find your own."

AJ laughs as Teagan shushes them both. Mr. Phelps smiles at Teagan and says, "And now, Miss Michaels, may I present the Second Grade Seals?"

As the second graders rush to take their places Teagan lays her head over on Kevin's shoulder. He rests his head on hers and whispers, "You ok?"

She only nods, watching expectantly as the second graders get into position. They all look toward Nick and he gives them a thumbs up, flipping a switch to start their music.

The lyrics to the song this class chose really strikes a nerve with Teagan. Even though she's smiling, encouraging the class and ensuring them she's enjoying it, she can't help but feel more than a little melancholy.

Sing, sing a song
Sing out loud, sing out strong
Sing of good things not bad
Sing of happy not sad

Sing, sing a song
Make it simple to last your whole life long
Don't worry that it's not good enough
For anyone else to hear
Just sing, sing a song

As they finish their song, Teagan claps enthusiastically. The students wave to her as they move back to their seats. Kevin leans in and kisses her cheek. "You ok Baby?"

She nods slowly, turning her gaze to his. "I think so."

He kisses her lips softly. The entire place erupts with applause. Teagan pulls back blushing hotly as Kevin looks on amused. Howie leans forward and says, "Looks like everyone's happy you're happy Miss Michaels." When she glances back at him, he asks seriously, "You are happy, aren't you?"

Reaching back, she squeezes his hand. "I am happy Howie. I really am."

She turns back as Mr. Phelps once again walks to the middle of the floor. "Miss Michaels, Today our Third grade Tigers have chosen to do a very special song for you. A song that speaks for all of us."

Teagan waits breathlessly for the music to start. When she recognizes the song, her entire body goes numb.

Come stop your cryin'
It will be alright
Just take my hand
Hold it tight
I will protect you
From all around you
I will be here
Don't you cry

For one so small
You seem so strong
My arms will hold you
Keep you safe and warm
This bond between us
Can't be broken
I will be here
Don't you cry

Kevin turn to watch her. He sees her struggling to smile for the class. He knows how hard it is for her to hear the song. He slides his arm around her waist and murmurs, "You're not alone Teagan."

She nods absentmindedly, watching the children put their hearts into their performance. Her eyes catch little Meagan's and she can see tears shining in the young one's eyes too.

When the song finishes, Meagan jumps down and runs over to Teagan, hugging her once again. Teagan squeezes her tightly. "That was beautiful Meagan. Just beautiful."

Meagan pulls back. "I...I hope you come back someday."

Teagan brushes her hair back and whispers, "I...I don't know yet Meagan. Even if I don't, you keep working hard, ok? Mr. Phelps seems to be an awesome teacher."

Meagan smiles and nods. "He is. But he's not you."

As she runs to join her class, Natalie scoots closer. "Teag, are you all right? Do you need a break?"

Teagan shakes her head, turning to her friend. "No, I'm all right. I...I just feel a little overwhelmed."

Natalie hugs her. "I know it's hard. But they need this as much as you do. We all do. You needed to see how much we all love you."

Teagan nods as she pulls back. "Thanks Nat. I did...I do need this."

Natalie sits back. "Here comes my crazy bunch."

Brian chuckles. "Yeah, and I got to pick their name."

Mr. Phelps clears his throat to get everyone's attention. "OK everyone, time for the Fourth Grade Foxes to entertain our honored guest, Miss Michaels."

Teagan turns to Brian. "Foxes?"

He chuckles. "Hell...heck yeah. They've got a foxy teacher."

Natalie blushes as Teagan giggles. She slaps her boyfriend's knee. "Hush!"

Teagan continues to giggle turning back to the show. Mr. Phelps holds up his hand. "Our Foxes also want to take this opportunity to let Miss Byron know that they will miss her while she's gone and she'll always have a place in their hearts."

Teagan turns to Natalie. "Gone?"

Natalie blushes and nods. "I...I'm going with Brian when they go on tour."

Teagan smiles brightly, hugging her friend quickly. "I'm so happy for you Nat."

Natalie takes the opportunity to whisper in Teagan's ear. "What about you? Are you going with Kevin?" Teagan pulls back and shrugs lightly. Natalie pats her shoulder. "Whatever you decide...I'm behind you."

Teagan turns back to the show, nodding thoughtfully. She watches as the kids continue to giggle and elbow each other until Mr. Phelps holds up his hands. They stop fidgeting and wait as Nick cues up their music.

Somewhere out there beneath the pale moonlight
Someone's thinking of me and loving me tonight

Somewhere out there someone's saying a prayer
That we'll find one another in that big somewhere out there

And even though I know how very far apart we are
It helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star

And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby
It helps to think we're sleeping underneath the same big sky

When they finish singing, Natalie and Teagan both have tears in their eyes. For all the love they found with Brian and Kevin, they know they've made a difference in the lives of their students and the song proves it. As the students leave the risers, Teagan and Natalie lean against each other and Natalie whispers, "This is harder than I thought it would be."

Teagan turns to look at Kevin. He smiles softly at her, leaning over to kiss her temple. She hasn't told Kevin her decision to go with him yet. Looking at him now, knowing he helped Penny and the kids set this up for her...to help her heal...going on tour with him is going to be easy. Facing the fans may be hard, but she knows now with Kevin she can handle just about anything. He's always going to be there for her...just the way he promised.

Dark Times In Still Waters
Chapter 43
By Dottie
Copyright 2014

Teagan turns her attention back to Mr. Phelps as he clears his throat. "Now it's time for our Fifth Grade Frogs. I hope you're enjoying your concert so far?" Teagan blushes and nods quickly. He smiles brightly. "Good! Good! I have to say, as dedicated as these kids have been choosing and learning their songs, I can see the impact you've had on their lives. You're a gifted teacher and I have to say I hope if I'm ever asked to leave this position, it's because you've come back."

Teagan sniffles, nodding gratefully as he turns to the fifth graders. He motions to Nick who starts the music. Teagan leans heavily on Kevin as the students begin to sing.

Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high
There's a land that I heard of once in a lullaby
Somewhere over the rainbow
Skies are blue
And the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true

Someday I'll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are far behind me
Where troubles melt like lemon drops
Away above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me

Kevin kisses her temple and holds her tightly. Her whole body trembles but she manages to plaster a smile on her face for the children. She thinks about what the song is saying. Why can’t she be happy? The only thing stopping her is her own fears of what others will think of her. Isn’t it true that the only ones that should matter are those that love her? Everyone keeps telling her she can put all of this behind her. She reaches up and touches her throat. Can she really?

As the crowd cheers the fifth graders as they finish their song, Kevin notices Teagan rubbing her throat. He twists his body to face her and reaches up to pull her hand down. "What's wrong?"

She shakes her head slowly and whispers. "Nothing...I was...thinking."

He squeezes her hand. "About what?"

She sighs, feeling exhausted. "I'll tell you about it later. I promise."

He kisses her cheek, garnering more cheers from the crowd. "OK Sweetheart."

As the fifth graders take their seats, she murmurs, "Now what?"

Kevin smiles. "Well..."

Mr. Phelps turns the microphone over to Nick who's come out from behind the sound system. "OK, you all did a fantastic job, and from what I can see, Miss Michaels has enjoyed all your hard work." Teagan smiles at him and nods enthusiastically as the children cheer. Nick's smile widens. "Now, if it's ok with all of you, we have one more surprise for Miss Michaels."

As the kids cheer, Kevin kisses Teagan's cheek and whispers, "Love you Babe." He stands and moves toward Nick, followed closely by Brian, Howie and AJ, who stops and kisses Teagan on the cheek before jogging to catch up with his band mates.

Once they are all assembled in the middle of the basketball court, they huddle together momentarily before forming a semi circle around the microphone that Mr. Phelps had put on a stand in the center of the room. As they hum to find their chords, the room falls silent. Teagan can feel her heart pounding in her chest. Her eyes meet Kevin’s and he smiles sweetly as they start to sing one of her favorite Backstreet Boys songs…Drowning.

She can’t take her eyes off Kevin, even when the others are singing their parts. When he gets to his solo, hot tears slip down her cheek as every word he sings goes straight to her heart.

Go on and pull me under
Cover me with dreams, yeah
Love me mouth to mouth now
You know I can’t resist
‘Cause you’re the air that I breathe

She barely hears the rest of the song. By the end, everyone in the gym is singing along. As the last notes fade, the kids jump up cheering. Kevin steps away from the group as Teagan stands. He meets her half way and sweeps her into a giant hug. With her face buried in his neck near his ear she whispers, “I love you Kevin. I love you and I want to go with you…if you’ll let me.”


After hugging each Backstreet Boy in turn, thanking them for their support, Teagan spends the rest of the afternoon visiting each classroom and seeing her kids. They are all so happy to see her and every hug she gets soothes the heartache she feels not being able to teach them.

When she’s been to all the classrooms, she finds herself in the music room. Alone. The decorations she put up the week before school started are still hanging. She turns toward what was her office, seeing it just as she left it. Her jacket still hanging on her chair. She moves to the door and opens it slowly. It smells musty…unused. From behind her, Mr. Phelps says, “It’s still yours. I don’t really need an office.”

Teagan turns. “But you do. I…today was wonderful. You’ve done a wonderful job with the children. You…you belong here. I don’t. Not anymore.”

He shakes his head. “That’s not true. You’ve given these children a love of music like I’ve never seen. Everything they’ve done since I’ve been here has been for you. To hopefully bring you home.”

Teagan sighs, turning back to her office. “I can’t come back. It’s…this isn’t for me anymore.” She shuts the door and faces him once again. “This isn’t who I am anymore. I know everyone says I can still teach but…but I know I can’t. This school will always be a blessing and a curse for me.”

His eyes widen. “What are you going to do?”

She smiles sadly. “Start over. Find a new path with Kevin. But…I’ll be around to watch my kids grow. I…please keep showing them what a gift music is. Help Meagan continue to blossom. She has raw talent.”

He smiles back at her. “I will. I promise. I’m sorry you’re making this choice.”

She shakes her head. “Don’t be. I know in my heart I can never be the teacher I was. Maybe I’m not meant to be. Right now, all I know is being with Kevin is where I’m supposed to be. He’s my future.”

Mr. Phelps steps forward and holds out his hand. She takes it slowly. He smiles. “Miss Michaels, you have left your mark on your students. They will never forget you. Neither will I.”

She blushes. “Thank you so much. For everything.” She walks toward the door, stopping to turn back momentarily. “Is it ok if I visit sometime?”

He smiles brightly. “I’d be honored if you did. And the children will be thrilled.”

As Teagan walks away from the music room, heading for the office where Penny is waiting for her, she feels as if the weight of the world has been lifted from her shoulders. She knows she has a long way to go, but she’s faced her worst fears today…and she did so with the most important people in the world by her side. She can handle what lies ahead. She knows she can.

Dark Times In Still Waters
Chapter 44
By Dottie
Copyright 2014

After meeting Penny in the parking lot, they walk out of the school slowly. Teagan turns to Penny. "Where's Kevin? The others?"

Penny sighs. "You’ll see them later. I think we need to talk alone about today. I know you're...very emotional today. I wanted to...make sure you weren't going to flip out and blame Kevin about today. This was my idea. He tried to stop me."

Teagan grabs Penny's arm to stop her close to her car. When Penny turns to face Teagan, she's braced for an angry attack. She's blown away when Teagan steps forward and hugs her tightly, whispering, "Thank you Penny."

When they part Penny whispers, "You're not mad at me?"

Teagan shakes her head. "Not...anymore. I was when Kevin first pulled into the parking lot." She stops talking and thinks a minute before saying, "No, I wasn't angry. I was...afraid. I felt like I was going to throw up."

Penny nods. "And now?"

Teagan sighs. "I'm still afraid. Afraid of what Kevin's fans will think of me. Of what life without teaching means."

Penny whispers, "Teagan, you CAN teach."

Teagan shakes her head. "Not now. I'm...not ready. I may never be ready. I can accept that my life has been changed. I...have to start over and find my way. And I can do that with Kevin. But teaching...I don't know."

Penny nods. "Come on, let's head back to the office and talk this through. You sound like you've got this all figured out."

After they get in the car, Teagan says, "No, I don't have anything figured out. I just know that right now, I can't teach. And right now, I need to be with Kevin. I kept making it so complex because I didn't think about what I need. I was thinking about what would be best for him and his career."

Penny starts the car. "Don't lie to me Teagan. You're still thinking more about his career than yourself. Do plan on hiding from the world and the fans?"

Teagan sighs shakily. "I...yes. I don't know. Maybe."

Penny drives confidently through the streets. Silence reigns in the car, but Teagan knows it's only a temporary lull in the coming storm. She closes her eyes and clenches her fists in her lap. The rest of this session is going to be as brutal as walking into the school was.


When they reach the office, Teagan takes her usual seat and waits. Penny sits at her desk and looks at her patient...waiting. Finally Teagan sighs. "Why is it so bad to just lay low?"

Penny leans forward. "I didn't say it was bad. But Teagan, you expect Kevin to just let you hide forever. The whole point of our sessions is for you to accept what has happened. And to LIVE your life. Not hide from it. I don't think you should go with Kevin. I don't think you're ready."

Teagan shakes her head. "No...I'm not staying behind. I won't."

Penny stands. "So you're willing to go with him and stay hidden. Aren't you proud of Kevin? Of his accomplishments?"

Teagan answers quickly. "Of course I am."

Penny turns and asks pointedly. "Aren't you proud to be his girlfriend?"

Teagan jumps up and angrily mutters, “Yes I am! How dare you ask me that!”

Penny shrugs. “Well you’re the one that said you wanted to hide. If you’re proud to be his girl and you’re proud he’s your guy, why are you going on tour to hide?”

Walking to the window, Teagan looks out. “I’m…Penny, what do you want me to say? I’m ready to go out and stand on a stage and proclaim he’s mine? I…I don’t think I can do that. You weren’t on the cruise. You didn’t hear what they said.”

Penny sits back and crosses her arms. “Come and sit Teagan. Let’s talk about the cruise.” Teagan moves back to her chair and sits down, looking at the floor. Penny leans closer. “Teagan, talk to me.”

With her lip quivering, Teagan whispers, “They confirmed my deepest fears. To them I was hideous. A freak. Monster. You name it, they said it. That cruise was four of the worst days of my life.”

Moving around the desk to sit beside her, Penny hands her a tissue and asks softly, “What about Kevin?”

Teagan smiles a tiny smile, remembering their night on the serenity deck. “Well, maybe it wasn’t all bad…but most of it…” She looks up at Penny. “I wanted to die Penny. I really wanted to die until…”

Penny smiles, patting her arm. “Teagan, I don’t think you ever REALLY wanted to die. I think you just wanted to disappear and you can’t do that. I’ve spent a lot of time with you over the last week. What I’ve seen is your fear. I’ve never thought you were suicidal, even when you told me you had suicidal thoughts.”

Teagan shrugs. “It felt like I wanted to die. It’s…I’m glad to know you think I wouldn’t have done it.” Sighing deeply she whispers, “I did want to disappear. In a way I still do.” Looking at Penny again she says, “Will I ever just forget about the scars and be a normal person?”

Penny smiles widely. “Of course you will. Teagan it’s only been a few months since you were shot. It takes time to heal. A lot of time and a lot of crying. You had a good day today. But you’re going to have bad ones too. You just have to remember you have a lot of shoulders to cry on. Don’t bottle it up. It eats away at your soul.”

Suddenly someone knocks on the door. Penny checks her watch. “Teagan, that’s Kevin. Can he come in?”

Teagan nods eagerly, brushing the tears from her eyes. “Of course.”

Penny eyes her critically. “Are you sure? Because we’re going to talk about the fans and the cruise.”

Teagan chews on her lip for a minute. “Do we have to talk about it with Kevin?”

Penny frowns. “Teagan, you love him and he loves you. You can’t just avoid the fans indefinitely. If that’s your plan, I think you need to stay home and let Kevin tour alone.”

Teagan’s eyes widen. She glances at the door before turning back to Penny. “I…I don’t know. Penny I want to go with him. I do. More than anything.”

Penny nods and stands. “Good. Then we need to make a plan for you to be around the fans and not let what they say get to you. After all, Kevin wants you in his life. His career will someday end and when it does, he wants to come home to you. That’s what you have to focus on.”

Teagan reaches out and grabs Penny’s hand before she can move to open the door. “Penny…I…what if I can’t do it?”

Penny kneels in front of Teagan and whispers, “Teagan you have GOT to have faith in yourself and Kevin. If you don’t...if you don’t your relationship with Kevin will never last.”

Teagan sniffles. “Oh Penny I love him so! I don’t want to lose him!”

Penny smiles. “Then have faith in his love and you’ll be just fine.”

Teagan turns away to wipe her eyes as Penny answers the door. She knows Penny is right. She knows she can’t hide from the fans forever. When Kevin comes in and leans down to kiss her cheek, she smiles at him through her misty eyes. He cups her cheek, looking at her worriedly. She presses her face to his hand and murmurs, “I’m ok. Let’s…let’s talk.”

Dark Times In Still Waters
Chapter 45
By Dottie
Copyright 2014

Epilogue

Teagan is staring out the window of their hotel room, watching the sun set on another beautiful day in Florida. Her days with Kevin have been beautiful. Oh, there have been rough patches, but they made it through them.

She’s spent the better part of the last ten months with Kevin, on tour, at his home or hers. Yes, they had fights. And they made up. It’s what couples do. At the beginning of October, when the group was revving up for the cruise, Teagan went home alone. To see Penny.

Three weeks earlier:

Once she’s seated, Penny leans back in her chair and crosses her legs. “Well, you certainly look happy. How have you been?”

Teagan’s smile fades slowly. “I’m ok.”

Penny eyes her critically. “What’s wrong?”

Teagan just shrugs. “I…I guess you know the cruise is coming up.”

Penny nods. “Yes, I know. Kevin invited Derrick and me to go.”

Smiling, Teagan says, “He told me. Will you go?”

Penny shakes her head sadly. “No, I can’t. Derrick can’t get the time off and the kids are in school.” When Teagan just nods thoughtfully, Penny says, “What’s wrong Teagan?”

Sighing, Teagan closes her eyes. “I don’t want to go on the cruise.”

Penny gasps. “Why? I thought things were good.”

Shrugging, Teagan stands and walks to the book case, staring blankly at random book spines. “Things were good. Until Kevin tweeted about the cruise and told the fans I’d be there.”

Penny sighs inwardly. “Teagan, how are things with the fans?”

Shrugging, Teagan stammers, “Not too bad now.”

Penny hears the hurt in her patient’s voice. “What happened?”

Looking up with tears shining in her eyes, Teagan says, “The same thing that happened last year. The fans wanting to know if the freak is going to keep Kevin from meeting them and spending time with them. I just…I wish he hadn’t told them I’d be there. It would be so much easier for him if I didn’t go.”

Penny jumps up and moves around the desk. “Teagan, after all this time, you’re STILL going to let them get to you? It’s petty nonsense. Ignore it. You know you aren’t a freak. Kevin knows it. I’d lay odds that MOST of Kevin’s fans are looking forward to meeting YOU as much as meeting him. Don’t let a few bitter women ruin your fun.”

Sighing, Teagan nods. “I know what you’re saying is true Penny. I do. Kevin tells me the same thing. But…it still hurts. It hurts a lot. Will it ever stop hurting?”

Penny takes her hand. “It will Teagan. You just have to let it go.” When Teagan looks away, Penny clears her throat. “Teagan…I wasn’t going to say anything until after the cruise. I don’t want to get your hopes up but I see now I have to tell you.”

Teagan looks at her puzzled. “Tell me what?”

Penny sighs. “Remember how Kevin gave me permission to talk to you about everything he and I discuss?”

Teagan nods slowly. “I didn’t realize Kevin had been back.”

Penny smiles. “He hasn’t. He called me. He’s been working on something for you.”

Teagan is confused. “For me? What?”

Penny reaches for her hand. “He…he’s found a doctor that thinks he can minimize your scars considerably.” When Teagan’s mouth drops open, Penny says, “I told him not to tell you Teagan.”

Her brow furrows and she mutters, “But why?”

Penny shakes her head. “Teagan, you need to accept yourself just as you are. Kevin loves you for YOU. He was afraid if he told you about it you’d think he was ashamed of you. He’s not. He just knows how much that scar bothers you and he wants to take it away.”

Teagan looks at her lap. “I’m so selfish Penny.”

Leaning closer, Penny says, “No, you are not selfish Teagan. You’re human. But you have to realize having those scars removed isn’t a guarantee that anything will change with the fans. They could find another reason to put you down.”

Teagan’s gaze snaps to Penny. Suddenly it all falls into place. Everything they’ve been trying to tell her for a year. Her vision blurs and she whispers, “Penny…oh Penny you’re right! Even if the scars are gone…nothing will change.”

Penny smiles. “Now you get it. So the big decision is do you have the surgery…or just let it go?”


The door to the hotel room opens and Kevin comes in. “You ready for dinner…” The words die in his throat as he catches sight of Teagan. He glances around the room seeing candles are burning on the table in the corner, illuminating the two covered domes awaiting them. The bed is turned down with red rose petals scattered across the snow white sheets.

Turning to his love, he sees she’s wearing a short, purple negligee with a see through robe. Her eyes are filled with love and she smiles softly. “I’m ready for dinner. Are you?”

He walks slowly over to her, reaching out to run his hand up her arm. “What’s all this?”

She smiles. “I wanted to surprise you.”

He leans down and kisses her softly. “I’m surprised all right. You look…so beautiful.”

She takes his hand and pulls him to the table. Once they are seated, she says, “Kevin, before we eat, there’s something I want to tell you.”

He reaches for her hand. “You changed your mind about the surgery?”

She shakes her head. “No, I haven’t. I don’t want or need the surgery. It took over a year, but I finally realized what you were trying to tell me all along. Taking away the scar won’t change what happened. I’ll still be me.”

He smiles. “And I’ll still love you.”

She stands and moves to sit on his lap. “And I’ll always love you.”

As he wraps his arms around her waist, he asks, “So what did you want to tell me?”

She slides her fingers over the back of his neck and says, “We’re going to have a baby.”