Faithfully
Chapter 1
By Dottie
Copyright 2017


"The world of Boy Band fans has been stunned over the last six months as two of the biggest groups of all time broke up. First it was the Backstreet Boys announcing a parting of the ways after over 22 years together. Sources close to the Backstreet Boys claim a blowup between members AJ McLean and Nick Carter foretold the beginning of the end. Neither would comment or speculate. AJ McLean has since left the country to start a new life with his wife. Nick Carter moved out of California to an undisclosed location alone. His short lived marriage barely made the news and his ex wife is no where to be found.

Today the world was stunned with the announcement that singer, actor and entrepreneur Donnie Wahlberg has been arrested and charged with kidnapping, imprisonment, battery and rape. His accuser remains anonymous. The District Attorney of Honolulu announced earlier today that Mr. Wahlberg was arrested when he showed up in Honolulu for a vacation with is brother's family. Not long after the arrest, the New Kids on the Block released a statement that the group had quietly disbanded four months ago due to personality conflicts within the group. The official reason was the group 'grew apart' and had decided to 'go their separate ways to pursue their own interests' but our sources tell us the group had major problems when they toured with the Backstreet Boys last year. Fights between Donnie Wahlberg and Nick Carter have fueled rumors that Nick Carter's ex wife could possibly be the victim behind the arrest of Donnie Wahlberg. Our sources continue to search for the facts as the case continues to unfold. Stay tuned to E! News for more information as we dig for the truth."

I flip off the television and rub my stomach. Did I really think I could hide? No, I knew I couldn't. But there was no fucking way Donnie Wahlberg was going to get away with what he did to me.

My phone rings and I jump. I reach for it as my baby kicks. When I see it's Thad I feel a prickle of fear but happiness overshadows it. He's been the best friend possible to me over the last six months. He helped build the case against Donnie. He helped me get my divorce. He found me a place to hide and heal after everything that's happened over the last year.

I answer happily. "Hey Thad."

He doesn't mince words. "Jessi, Hanna Jo went into labor a few hours ago. AJ called me and asked if there was any way possible I could find you."

My heart aches. "Thad..."

He cuts me off. "Jessi, I know why you're hiding. I know why you chose to go back to Australia and I don't mind helping you stay hidden. But Nick hasn't had contact with AJ and Hanna Jo for over three months. He's hiding down in Mexico. Hanna Jo needs you. Aside from AJ you're all she has and she misses you. And I damn sure know you miss her."

I sniffle as tears fall from my eyes. "I do miss her. Is she ok?"

His voice softens. "They are doing well. They opened a B & B in Canada and it's a great success for them so far. They've settled down into a nice, normal life." After a brief silence, he says, "Jessi? It's time."

I sigh. "You're right, it is. Can you hook me a flight?"

He laughs. "Already done. A car is on its way to pick you up. The baby will probably be here before you, but not by much. Safe travels."

Before he can hang up, I say, "You're there? In Canada?"

He chuckles. "Of course. AJ said anytime Lisa and I needed to get away we were welcome. We came here for our honeymoon. Now, go pack. I'll pick you up at the airport when you get here."

I sniffle again, fresh tears forming in my eyes as he disconnects the call. I never had a honeymoon. I never had a wedding night with my husband. I was held against my will and raped by a twisted, evil, sadistic bastard. That's something I'll never forget...or forgive. But I can never stop loving Nick. I gave him my heart...and he ripped it to shreds."


I'm exhausted as I walk off the plane. I didn't have time to pack much. I threw two outfits and some underwear in a carry on. I still have the money from helping nail Oakley at the bank...I'll buy what I need while I'm here.

The minute I step off the plane I see Thad. And I start crying. He hurries over to me as I drop my bag. He hugs me tightly. "Jessi, don't cry."

I can't stop the sobs that rack my body. "Thad, why?"

He rubs my hair and whispers, "Not now Jessi. We're not going to talk about it now. I'm going to take you to Hanna Jo and then we'll talk about what happened and why."

I pull away from him. "You talked to Nick, didn't you?" I push hard against his chest, causing him to stumble backward. "You...he TOLD you what? He had no choice?"

Thad grabs my hand. "Jessi, don't. Not now. Nick is gone and Hanna Jo needs you."

My heart races. "Hanna Jo? What's wrong?"

He picks up my bag. "She's ok. Come on. I told AJ I was bringing her a surprise. He promised he'd keep it a secret."

As we walk out of the airport, I say, "Thad, what's going on? You said she needs me. What's wrong?"

He leads me to a waiting rental car and opens the door for me. After throwing my bag in the backseat, he gets in the car and says, "Her mother called yesterday. She...she demanded Hanna Jo give them her baby to raise so it has a moral upbringing. She lost it...she had one raging tantrum and told her mother to go fuck herself. The stress made her blood pressure shoot up, which in turn made her water break."

I feel my stomach knot in fear. "But she's ok? The baby is ok? Is it a boy or girl?"

He glances at me, smiling. "I promised not to tell. But I will tell you Hanna Jo is fine." Glancing at my protruding belly, he murmurs, "How are you?"

I rub my tummy and smile wistfully. "I feel wonderful so far. She kicks up a storm when she's hungry. And she loves chocolate milk shakes."

His smile grows as he maneuvers the streets of Calgary. "She? You're having a girl?"

I nod. "Yes, I found out last month."

He reaches for my hand. "Have you come up with a name yet?"

I nod slightly. "Yeah...I'm going to call her Haley Jo."

Faithfully
Chapter 2
By Dottie
Copyright 2016

6 Months Earlier

I scoot around to the far side of the bed and press myself into the corner of the stateroom, watching fearfully as Donnie strips off his shirt. "Please, don't do this! I won't let you!"

He laughs evilly. "How the hell do you plan on stopping me? Where you gonna hide Jessi? We're heading out to the middle of the Pacific Ocean and no one for miles will hear you scream...well, no one but your loving husband."

At the mention of Nick, I feel sick. I bend at the waist gagging as my stomach empties itself of my dinner. I close my eyes as bile clogs my throat. I hear Donnie sneer, "You think that will stop me? Not a chance bitch. Go brush your teeth."

I shake my head. "NO! I'm not...I'll never give in to you."

He crosses the room in two great strides, grabbing my arms and lifting me off the ground. "You'll do exactly what I say or hubby dearest will go for a swim...and I doubt seriously he'll survive."

As mad as I am at Nick...I can't stand the thought of him dying. I nod slowly. Donnie puts me on my feet and I go into the bathroom. He follows me, standing in the doorway watching as I brush my teeth. When I'm finished, I wipe my mouth and turn toward him.

He's removed his shirt and his pants are unbuttoned. I almost can't breathe I'm so scared. He steps back and says, "Come."

When I enter the bedroom he says, "I wonder what you're wearing under that stunning dress."

I shiver, thinking about the white bustier I'm wearing. Hanna Jo had found it for me the day before our weddings and said she wanted me to have something special for my wedding night. I make one last attempt to dissuade him. "Donnie, please. Not like this."

He smirks. "Oh I'm more than willing to meet you half way Baby. I'd rather fuck you because you want it...but I must admit, there's something about the taste of a woman when she's drowning in fear." The blood drains from my face. He reaches for me and mutters darkly, "I want to taste that in you. I want to drink your fear."

Before I know it's happened, he's spun me around and pushed me against the wall. One of his hands grips my neck, holding me still as the other slowly works the zipper down my back.

As the fabric parts I feel Donnie's fingers tighten around my neck. "MMM sexy. I can't wait to see more of this."

I struggle in vain to break his hold. When I feel his hand slide inside my dress and around to my stomach, I scream. I hear a clamoring sound outside the door and Nick yelling, "You son of a bitch, don't touch her! I'll fucking kill you if you touch her!"

Pressing his body against my back, he slides his hand up to cup my breast. He raises his voice and yells, "Too late Nicky-boy, I'm already touching her." Lowering his voice, he growls, "Shall we invite hubby dearest in to watch?"

With tears streaming down my face I whisper, "No, please no!"

He chuckles. "No, I don't think I'll let him watch me fuck you but he should see your bridal night ensemble." Raising his voice, he yells, "Tie him up!"

He steps away from my body, pulling me away from the wall. He marches me to the door and opens it. Nick is standing there with his hands tied behind his back and his ankles bound tightly together. He struggles to free himself as Donnie's goons hold on to his arms. "Let her go, you bastard, let her go!"

I can't look at Nick...I can't look at any of them. My eyes drop to the beige colored carpet as Donnie strips my dress off, leaving me standing in my bridal lingerie for them all to see. When he grabs the front of the satin and lace creation and jerks it down, exposing my breasts, I struggle against his painful grip. "NO! DON'T!"

He kneads my breast, pulling hard on my nipple. My head flies up and my eyes meet Nick's. He looks scared...angry...sick. From behind me, Donnie says, "Take him topside." He slams the door and spins me around, letting his eyes roam over my chest. "Damn you got nice tits. Too bad they aren't bigger; I'd love to fuck them."

I struggle and manage to pull out of his grip, pulling my lingerie back up to cover my breasts. "NO! You're not going to touch me!"

Once again he grabs me by the neck, only this time he slams my back against the wall. As I'm seeing stars, I feel his breath on the side of my face. "I'm going to fuck you, you little bitch. And nothing you can do will stop me."


A little over two hours later, Donnie leaves me sobbing on the bed rolled up tightly in the bedspread. I'm alone for several minutes before the door opens. I turn my head to see Nick come in. Anger floods my body and I whisper hoarsely, "Get the hell away from me." He opens his mouth to say something, but I just scream at him. Get out! Get out! Get the fuck out of here!"

He turns away from me, his shoulders slumping. After the door closes, I push my face into the pillow and scream as loudly as I can. How could he do this? He knew...he knew EVERYTHING I went through at the bank. The men, Donnie's brother...I had told him all of it.

I push myself up into a sitting position and look around the stateroom trying to find a way to escape. I keep the sheet around me tightly. I'm not cold, but the feeling of disgust that's racing through my body makes me shiver.

Before I can form a coherent thought about getting off this yacht, the door opens and Donnie comes sauntering in. "You hungry Jessi? Hubby had the boat well stocked."

At the mention of Nick my heart breaks a little more. "Don't call him that."

He smirks at me. "Love affair over? To be fair, I really didn't give him much of a choice. I was going to have you, no matter what I had to do. I just...I had a couple of aces to play...and I have to admit, getting you on your wedding night made my victory that much sweeter." I try to pull away when he sits down beside me. He grabs my arm and hauls me closer to his body. When we're nose to nose, he mutters "I was right...fear does taste good on you."

When he presses his lips to mine for a sickening kiss, my stomach knots up. It's not over. He's going to rape me again and again. And there's nothing I can do to stop him.

Faithfully
Chapter 3
By Dottie
Copyright 2016

Present Day

When we get to the hospital, Thad walks with me to the maternity ward. When we're outside the door to Hanna Jo's room, he says, "AJ went to the B & B to take care of a few things. He...wanted to give you some time alone with Hanna Jo."

I feel nervous. "He should be here with Hanna Jo."

Thad puts his arm around my shoulder and squeezes me. "He will be. But he knows you both need this. After...later on you and I are going to have a long talk. And I'll tell you everything I know. OK?"

I nod slowly, fear clutching at my heart. I don't know if I want to know everything. I manage to smile and whisper, "Thank you Thad."

He kisses my cheek. "Go see Hanna Jo."


As he walks away I push the door open slowly. The first thing I see is blue balloons everywhere. A boy! I'm so excited for her. My eyes land on her lying in the bed sleeping. She's changed so much. Her hair is longer. Her face isn't pale and gaunt like it used to be. She's tanned and her cheeks are fuller. Even though she's sleeping I can see how good AJ is for her.

I hear a soft whimper and my gaze turns toward the bassinet sitting close to the bed. I tiptoe over and see Hanna Jo's baby is squirming in his sleep. He's so cute. I hate to tell AJ but this little boy looks just like his mama.

As I'm gazing on his sweet little face I hear Hanna Jo mutter, "AJ?"

I move to the bed and lean against it. I reach out and touch her hand. "Ho Jo?"

Her eyes fly open and she whispers, "Jessi?"

Tears start leaking from my eyes. "Ho Jo, your son is beautiful."

She struggles to push herself up and we fall into each other's arms, both of us crying. She cries, "Where have you been? Are you ok?"

I push away from her and wipe my eyes as our gazes meet. "I'm ok Hanna Jo. I'm sorry I disappeared. I couldn't...I needed time."

She nods and sniffles. "I understand. I...I've missed you so much but Thad kept telling me you were ok." Suddenly she notices my stomach and she gasps. "Jessi! Oh my God, you're pregnant!"

I can't help but giggle. "Yeah I know. In a few months your son will have a girlfriend."

She rubs my stomach. "A girl! Oh Jessi, that's..."

When her voice trails off, I know she's thinking. I manage to whisper, "I couldn't abort...no matter what happened, this is my baby."

She starts crying. "Did you...have you heard from Nick?"

Anger sweeps through me. I wipe my cheeks and whisper, "No. God, why would I EVER want to speak to him after what he did?"

She grips my hand. "Jessi, didn't he tell you?"

I pull away from her. "There's nothing he could say I'd want to hear." I stand and walk away from the bed. "Don't defend him Hanna Jo. Don't! He fucking GAVE me to Donnie for..."

She cuts me off sharply. "Donnie kidnapped us Jessi!"

I can feel the blood drain from my face. "He...what?"

She whimpers and forces herself to stand, coming over to me. She grabs my arms and whispers, "Jessi, after the wedding a bunch of Donnie's goons grabbed us. AJ and me. And Denise."

My hand flies up to cover my mouth, stifling my screams. Hanna Jo pulls me over to the bed and we sit. I grip her hand. "What? What do you mean?"

Suddenly the baby starts crying. She must see the longing in my eyes. She whispers, "Will you get him?"

I pick her son up, cradling him to my chest. As I stare at his face, her words come back to haunt me. "What did Donnie do to you?"

She reaches for the call button and when the nurse calls, she asks for a bottle for the baby. Turning to me, she says, "Jessi, there's so much you need to know. So much happened. Thad said you wouldn't let him talk about it." I just keep staring at the baby, not wanting to talk about what happened. She whispers, "His name is Todd Alexander. I wanted to name him Jessie but AJ said he might feel awkward growing up named after his Godmother so I used your last name."

I can't help but giggle softly. "I've missed you Hanna Jo."

She leans against me and whispers, "I've missed you too."

The nurse brings in a bottle and once she leaves, I whisper, "Why aren't you breast feeding?"

She rubs Todd's head and whispers, "My milk hasn't come in yet enough to satisfy him. I tried a couple of hours ago. Next feeding I'll try again."

As I'm feeding him his bottle, I whisper, "What did Donnie do?"

She crawls back in bed and I lay her son in her arms so she can finish feeding him. She whispers, "Will you listen to the whole story?"

I drag my gaze away from her son to her eyes and say, "I'm not going anywhere."

She smiles brightly. "I'm glad." As I make myself comfortable on her bed, the door opens and AJ's head comes around the edge. "Mind if I butt in?"

I can't help but smile when I see him. He comes in and comes right over to me, hugging me. I whisper in his ear "Thank you for taking care of Hanna Jo."

When he pulls back, he whispers "It's good to see you Jessi." He glances down at my stomach. "What...umm...how are you?"

I smile sadly. "Now that I'm here with you and Hanna Jo, I'm feeling a lot better. Your son is beautiful."

His gaze falls on his son before moving up to his wife's face. "He is. He looks just like his Mama." His gaze moves to my stomach before rising to my eyes. "Does Nick know?"

I try to put a clamp on my anger, but there's an edge to my voice when I mutter, "There's no reason for him to know. It's Donnie's baby."

His eyes widen. "How do you know? I mean Nick..."

I cut him off quickly, "Can we please NOT talk about Nick?"

Hanna Jo cuts me off. "AJ, take the baby and burp him." When AJ lifts his son to his shoulder to burp him, she takes my hand. "Jessi, we have to talk about him because a you have to know what happened."

I glance back and forth between them. "He...he isn't here, is he?"

AJ shakes his head. "No. He moved to Mexico. He's...well, he's a beach bum. I haven't heard from him in a while now. No one has."

I sniffle. "Can we...I'm so confused.Please...just tell me what happened?"

AJ moves to the rocking chair in the corner and sits. Hanna Jo takes my hand again and says, "Remember how AJ and I left the reception first...?"

Faithfully
Chapter 4
By Dottie
Copyright 2016

Hanna Jo's POV: 6 Months Earlier

With AJ's arm around me, we walk away from the helicopter toward the door leading to the stairwell. "AJ, how could they land the helicopter on this hotel?"

AJ laughs. "Darling, this is how most celebrities get here."

Denise is in front of us and she turns to look at me. "Get used to Hanna Jo...I know my son, he's going to try to spoil you and your baby."

I roll my eyes. "That's all I need."

AJ laughs. "I hope it's a girl. I can really spoil a princess."

Denise opens the door and a man is standing there holding a gun. We all stop short as he says, "Nobody moves, nobody screams."

AJ pulls his mother and me behind him. "What do you...wait. I know you. You work for..."

The man smiles "I work for Mr. Wahlberg. I'm here to invite you to be his guests on a private cruise ship for the next few days."

AJ squeezes me. "Why?"

The man smiles. "He would like you to be his guests until he concludes his business with Mr. and Mrs. Carter."

I feel fear clutch at my heart. "What kind of business do they have with him?"

The stranger shrugs. "Mr. Wahlberg didn't disclose that information with me. He just said Mrs. Carter had made a promise to him and it was time for her to fulfill that promise."

I nearly faint. "No! No he can't!"

The gun waves my way. "Mr. Wahlberg will do exactly what he wants. Now, if you'll follow me, we'll go down to the car and head out to the marina. Not to worry, Mr. and Mrs. McLean, you'll have privacy. Mr. Wahlberg requested that I tell you to enjoy your honeymoon cruise."


Jessi's POV: Present Day

I can't stop the sobs that swell in my chest. "He...oh my God I'm so sorry!"

AJ is sitting beside me and takes my hand. "Jessi, it wasn't your fault. No one expected this..."

I shake my head. "No, I did! I told Nick...I told Thad...I told you all he was never going to give up! I was a fool to believe the charges would stop him or the restraining order would stand. I should have...I should have just disappeared when I ran in Australia. None of this would have happened!"

Hanna Jo grabs me and forces me to look at her. "Jessi, you already loved Nick and he loved you. You couldn't stay away."

I pull away from her and stand, waddling across the room to stare out the window. "He...he didn't love me."

AJ sounds angry. "Dammit, Jessi, Nick loves you more than life itself. Donnie threatened to KILL you if Nick didn't cooperate. He threatened to kill all of us. The 'cruise' he sent us on was a yacht loaded with explosives and a crew with automatic weapons."

I turn to AJ, the blood draining from my face. "You were...he tried...he was going to...kill you all?"

AJ nods and Hanna Jo whispers, "Jessi, I'd give anything if...if I could change it."

I sniffle. "I would have died if anything had happened to any of you. But...Nick should have told me...he said he owed Donnie money. That Donnie threatened to ruin the group if..."

AJ shakes his head. "What would you have done if you had known? You would have given in to protect us and protect Nick. He knew that. He didn't want you to know we were in danger because he wanted you to fight. He was hoping you'd find a way to get free." I close my eyes, scalding tears raining down my face. "Jessi, Donnie's men beat him."

My eyes fly open and meet his. Hanna Jo whispers, "He almost died. After you ran, he went ballistic. He went after Donnie but his men stopped him."

I grab my stomach and double over. AJ jumps up and grabs me, leading me to a chair. I hear Hanna Jo calling for a nurse. I can't breathe...I can't think. All I can do is feel...I feel anger and pain and fear. Deep seated, heart wrenching fear.


After the nurse brings in a doctor to examine me, I find myself wrapped in a blanket in Hanna Jo's room with a steaming cup of chamomile tea nestled in my fingers. I take a shaky breath and whisper, "What happened to Nick?"

AJ kneels bedside me and takes my hand. "Jessi, this can wait."

I shake my head. "Tell me."

AJ looks at Hanna Jo. She says, "He had several broken ribs, his kidneys were bruised, his spleen ruptured..."

I gasp. "Oh my God!"

She's crying with me. "Jessi, it doesn't matter..."

I cry out, "But it does! What else? Tell me!" I look at AJ and whisper, "Please, AJ, tell me."

He says, "He had a concussion, a broken arm...he was...he was just brutally beaten."

I can't stop myself from asking, "But he's ok now?"

AJ slowly shakes his head. "No. He's not ok. Physically, he's still healing."

Hanna Jo whispers, "Emotionally, he's a train wreck."

AJ moves to sit beside Hanna Jo before asking, "Jessi, are you sure that's Donnie's baby?"

I nod sadly. "Yes. Nick had a vasectomy a long time ago."

AJ stuns me by saying, "No he didn't."

My mouth drops. "How do you know? You weren't there?"

AJ shrugs. "I heard management talking. Nick had a couple of paternity cases against him. They told him if he wanted to avoid anymore, he should have a vasectomy."

I feel so confused. "So if they suggested it, why didn't...how do you know he didn't have it?"

AJ smirks. "I was a jerk. When they brought him back from the hospital, he was sleeping off the anesthesia. I was eavesdropping. They didn't want to take the chance of him missing any of the tour so they had him knocked out for a couple of hours. When he woke up they told him it was done, but when he had sex, he should really wear condoms because one of the women that accused him had an STD. Scared the shit out of him so he covered up all the time after that."

I look down at my stomach and whispers hoarsely, "This could be..."

I hear Hanna Jo sobbing as AJ says, "It very well could be Nick's...and he has a right to know."

My eyes fly up to meet his. "NO! You can't..."

He leaves Hanna Jo's side and comes over to kneel in front of me. "Jessi I won't call him now if you don't want me to. But you need to think about it. When you're ready to see Nick, I'll try find him again."

I reach out and grab his hand. "You'll TRY to find him?"

Hanna Jo struggles to climb off the bed and comes over to. Stand beside me. She rubs my shoulder as AJ says, "He's gone underground. Said he was better off alone...and we would all be better off without him."

I sniffle, reaching up to grab Hanna Jo's hand. "He...he wouldn't...AJ tell me he wouldn't..."

I see a tear trickle down his face. "I don't...I hope not. I think there's still part of him that wants to think someday you'll forgive him."

I lean back in the chair and close my eyes. For the last six months my heart has been hardened against Nick for letting Donnie rape me. Now I know that if he didn't, we'd all be dead, including Hanna Jo and AJ and their baby.

Baby. I hold my stomach and for the first time I let myself feel hope. Hope that Donnie really didn't impregnate me. Hope that my baby was one conceived in an act of love...not an act of violence. I have to find Nick. Somehow.

Faithfully
Chapter 5
By Dottie
Copyright 2016

Nick's POV

It's been six months. Not a day has gone by that I haven't thought about my wife. Ex-wife. No one will ever know how much I love that woman. Or how much I miss her.

When she left the boat that day...the last timeI saw her...there was distrust in her eyes. Anger. And hatred. I never would have thought I'd see that look in Jessi's eyes. But I deserved it then. I still deserve it. I should have warned her in the car. Somehow. But if I had, AJ, Hanna Jo and Denise would have been killed. And she would have hated me for that. It was a no-win situation and now I'm getting exactly what I asked for.

I look around the run down shack I've been living in on the beach of Costa Maya. I had stayed in Cancun for a while, but I was recognized too often. As much as I love the fans and miss them, my celebrity status took away the most important part of my life. My wife.

Once I was physically healed enough to not need regular medical treatments, I moved down here and found this little shack. It's dirty and leaks when it rains, but I don't care. It's better than I deserve at this point.

I go to the kitchen to get another beer. Passing by the mirror, I see I need a shave. I've needed a shave for several weeks. A shower probably wouldn't hurt. Been a few days on that too. But who cares. No one sees me but me...and I don't give a fuck anymore.

After I get my beer, I go into the bedroom. I stretch out on the bed, wincing as pain slices trough my abdomen. Six months and everything still hurts. It's nothing more than I deserve...it's a reminder that I'm right where I should be.

I take a swig of my beer before closing my eyes. I can still see her in her wedding gown. Smiling. We were so happy. For a brief moment, my life was perfect. Then that bastard had to fucking be exactly what Jessi said he was. She warned us all he was sadistic and relentless. We brushed it off, thinking he'd want to back off to protect his career and his family.

I can't help but feel proud when I think of how Jessi is bringing him down. When Thad brought me the annulment papers, he told me Jessi was pressing charges. She made a statement and Donnie was arrested and charged. As far as I know, he's still sitting in jail in Hawaii.

I should call Thad. I gave my statement too. My injuries were documented and he was charged with aggravated assault with intent to kill. Even though he didn't lay a hand on me, he gave the order. I heard it right before they beat me senseless.

I reach for my phone. I keep it charged and ready in case Jessi calls, but I know she won't. Why would she after everything I did to her? I let a man rape her on our wedding night. I tried to stop it. If I could have gotten my hands on him, I'd have strangled the life out of him without blinking.

I turn my phone on. I won't call Thad. He already told me not to ask about Jessi. But I need to call AJ. I think the baby is due any day now. I should make sure everything is ok.

I jump as my phone comes to life and beeps at me. I look at the screen and tears start to roll down my face. I still have pictures of Jessi...my beautiful bride. Every time I see them, my heart breaks just a little bit more. I'll never forgive myself for what I did to her.

My phone buzzes and a text pops up. From AJ. I open it, smiling as I see a picture of his baby. Beneath it, the text reads, "Meet my son, Todd Alexander. Get your ass up here. Or at least call me."

Todd. They named the baby after Jessi. That will make her happy. I hit reply and text back, "Congratulations! But I won't come back. Not now. Maybe not ever." After a minute I add, "Miss you Bro."

It takes less than a minute for my phone to ring. I let it ring six times before I finally connect the call. "Hey man."

AJ's voice booms at me, "Get your ass up here Nick. I mean it. Come home."

I sigh, longing to see my friends. "Don't. AJ I can't come back and you know it. Not after what I did to Jessi."

His voice is quieter. "Then where are you? Todd is fifteen days old and doing well. Our staff can run the B & B for a few days and help Hanna Jo. I want to come and see you're ok."

I never should have answered the call...the desire to see him weakens my resolve to stay away. "I'll never be ok AJ. Just...congratulations on your son. He's a cute little guy."

I start to hang up and he says, "Nick wait." I sit quietly and listen. "Nick, you don't have to come if you're not ready...but I need to know where you are. I promise I'll stay away until you say it's ok. I swear. Just tell me where to find you so I can sleep at night."

It's not fair to worry him...and I know he always keeps his promises. "I'm living on the beach in Costa Maya." Before I disconnect the call, I mutter, "Give Hanna Jo my love...and if you see Jessi..."

I choke on the last words. I shut off the phone and toss it aside. God I love her and I miss her. I want her back. I just want to hold her one more time. I scream out in anguish before falling on the bed. "I'm sorry Jessi. I'm so damn sorry."


Jessi's POV

I wait for AJ to hang up, tears clinging to my lashes. I've been here over two weeks waiting...hoping AJ could find Nick. He looks at me and smiles. "He said he's living on the beach in Costa Maya."

I sigh quietly. "Is he ok?"

His smile fades. "I don't...know."

I bite my lip. "AJ, what should I do?"

He takes my hands as Hanna Jo comes into the room and sits down beside me. She rubs my back. "What do you WANT to do?"

I turn to look at her. "I don't know. I've spent the past six months telling myself I hate him."

She shakes her head. "You do not hate him and you never did. You were angry and hurt but you didn't hate him."

My lip quivers. "I couldn't understand why he would just give me to Donnie like that."

AJ snorts. "He wouldn't have. Nick would have given up everything he had for you and you know it. He...he wanted you to fight and knowing Nick the way I do, I think he was hoping you'd forgive him and understand."

I turn my gaze to his. "I would have...now that I know what happened...that Donnie had you all kidnapped. But...how can we go back to what we had after...Donnie raped me. He...he did despicable things..."

Hanna Jo slides closer to me. "Tell me."

I lower my eyes. AJ pushes away from the table. "I think Todd and I will go for a walk and let you two talk."

After he leaves, Hanna Jo whispers, "Tell me Jessi."

Faithfully
Chapter 6
By Dottie
Copyright 2016

I'm staring at Hanna Jo, trying to figure out where to begin when my phone rings. I jump, startled by the sound. I reach for it, feeling apprehensive about telling her the details of Donnie's attack. When I see Thad's number on the screen, I feel relieved that I can put off the inquisition for at least a few minutes.

Throwing her an apologetic glance I connect the call. "Hello Thad."

He doesn't mince words. "Jessi...we got the DNA results back."

When doubt about the parentage of my baby came up, Thad petitioned for a court order to do a DNA comparison to Donnie. They said it would take a week or two to get the results. I feel my body tense up and I whisper, "And?"

He pauses briefly, which makes me want to scream. Until he says, "Donnie is not the father of your baby."

I feel weak. I rub my stomach, causing Hanna Jo to lean closer to me. "What is it Jessi? What's wrong?"

I feel my lip tremble. "Are you sure Thad?"

He sounds happy when he says, "There is a zero percent chance it's Wahlberg's. You're carrying Nick's baby."

Tears leak from my eyes and roll down my cheeks as I whisper, "Thank you." I end the call and look at Hanna Jo. "It's Nick's baby."

Her smile brightens the room and she hugs me tightly. "Oh thank God!" When we part, she whispers, "What are you going to do?"

I feel so relieved and so confused. "I...I don't know Ho Jo. There's so much I didn't know...and it all makes sense now. I couldn't understand why he would...just...let Donnie do what he did. Because of money."

Hanna Jo wipes away her own tears. "Jessi, if you had known Donnie had us you would have given in to him, wouldn't you?" I nod slowly. I'd do anything to protect the people I love. She whispers, "That's why. He wanted you to fight."

I spend another week mulling over what to do. Now that I know the story…the whole story…I can’t help but feel that there may be hope for Nick and me. But what Donnie did to me on that boat will forever haunt me. Thankfully, Hanna Jo stopped asking for details. When the trial happens, every ugly detail will come to light…because it is all in my deposition.

I can’t help but think how much I owe to Thad. He got the court’s permission to let me video tape my testimony. Donnie’s attorneys were given ample opportunity to cross examine me, but they never came forward with any questions they want answered. Thad says it’s because they know the evidence against Donnie is overwhelming. Every part of me hopes he plea bargains and this goes away silently. I just want it over with.

I make my way down to the kitchen and I hear AJ and Hanna Jo talking. Both of them sound upset. I pull up short at the door when I hear Hanna Jo say, “AJ, you have to do something. I don’t know if we should show this to Jessi.”

My brow furrows. I push the kitchen door open and say, “Show me what?”

They both look at me, and the first thing I notice is how pale AJ is. He looks down and says, “Jessi, maybe we shouldn’t…”

I cut him off. “What’s wrong?” I feel my heartbeat quicken. “Did something happen to Nick?” He won’t answer me so I turn to Hanna Jo. “What’s going on?”

She sighs. “Jessi, just let it go for now, ok?”

I see AJ clutching a letter in his hand and I reach for it. “No, if something’s happened to Nick, I want to know.”

AJ tries to keep the letter away from me. “Jessi, I don’t know if anything has happened. Maybe Hanna Jo is right…”

I don’t know why, but I snap. “NO, she is NOT right. Stop trying to protect me! If I can survive being raped by that psycho, I think I can handle pretty much anything. Now, give me that letter!”

AJ glances at Hanna Jo and she just nods, laying her head against his shoulder. I grab the envelope from his outstretched hand and sit down at the table. When I see Nick’s almost illegible handwriting, I get a warm feeling in my heart…and the baby kicks. I rub my stomach and start to read.

AJ,

I’m sorry about everything. I know you’re worried, but don’t be. You’re all better off without me. Especially Jessi. If you see her, tell her I love her and I always will and I’m sorry I was such a coward. I couldn’t tell her Wahlberg had you…she would have let him do anything to her. I couldn’t protect her and I couldn’t stop him. I wish his men had killed me…then you could all move on…

I stop reading and look up, the blood draining from my face. “AJ, he wouldn’t…tell me he wouldn’t…” AJ and Hanna Jo both sit at the table with me. I look back down at the letter.

Todd is cute. You did good. Give Hanna Jo my love.

Nick

I lay the letter on the table and bring my eyes up to AJ’s. “Would he?”

AJ shrugs, his own tears pooling on his lashes. “I don’t know…I want to say no but he’s…”

I bow my head and cry. Hanna Jo rubs my back. “Jessi, maybe he won’t…”

I sit up. “He can’t. Ho Jo, he just CAN’T do that!” I turn to AJ. “I…we have to stop him. AJ, we HAVE to.”

He wipes his eyes. “What do you want me to do Jessi?”

I look back and forth between them before looking down at my stomach. “Take me to Mexico. Help me find him. Please.” I look up and whisper, “Please AJ, I…I need him.” I sniffle, rubbing my stomach. “I love him.”

Hanna Jo squeezes my hand. “We’ll all go. Todd is old enough to travel. His one month check up is tomorrow. I’ll ask the doctor…”

I look up at her. “Hanna Jo…you don’t have to…”

She smiles. “I do. He’s family. You’re family. We do this together.” She looks at AJ.

He smiles. “I’ll go book a flight.” He kisses Hanna Jo then kisses my cheek. “Thank you Jessi.”

I look up at him. “For what?”

He smiles through his tears. “For loving my brother.”


Three days later we’re AJ and I are walking off the plane in Cancun, Mexico. After a lengthy discussion, it was decided, mainly by AJ, that Hanna Jo and Todd stay home. An 11 hour flight with one pregnant lady will be hard enough on AJ. Add a newborn to the mix and it would be rough. I did agree with AJ. As much as I want Hanna Jo to be with me, I think its better she keeps the baby at home.

Once we’re through customs, AJ picks up my suitcase and his. As we exit the airport, I say, “Now what?”

AJ looks at me. “I rented a car. The drive will take us about 45 minutes.” I start to feel nervous. I stop suddenly. AJ takes about 3 steps before he realizes I’m not with him and he’s talking to an empty space. He turns to look at me and says, “Jessi, what’s wrong?”

I shrug. “What if…what if he doesn’t want to see me? What if…AJ what if he doesn’t want anything to do with me because of what Donnie did?”

AJ comes back and drops the bags, pulling me into his arms. As I cry into his shirt, he whispers, “Jessi, Nick loves you more than anything in this world. He will love you until the end of time. Once you two talk…once he realizes you forgive him and still love him…everything will be ok.”

I push away from him, shaking my head. “Will it? I was raped, AJ. Brutally violated by a man that almost killed Nick. Will everything be ok?”

He smiles, brushing away my tears. “Love conquers all Jessi. You should know that by now.”

I make a bathroom run while he fills out the paperwork for the rental car. I stare at myself in the mirror as I wash my hands. I close my eyes and whisper, “God give me strength.”

Faithfully
Chapter 7
By Dottie
Copyright 2016

Once I'm settled in my room at the Costa Maya Inn, I open the door to AJ's knock. He comes in and says, "OK, we're here. Now what?"

I look up at him. "I don't know. I...thought we'd just go find him and..."

AJ shakes his head. "No...I don't think chasing him is a good idea. If he sees me...he'll disappear again."

I sniffle, wiping the tears from my face. "Then what am I supposed to do?"

He sits beside me and puts his arm around my shoulders. "I have an idea. I'm pretty sure I can get Nick to call me. I'll convince him he has to meet me...prove to me he's not suicidal, otherwise I'll call the other guys and we'll hunt him down and have him committed as a danger to himself."

My eyes widen. "What?!? AJ, you don't..."

He covers my mouth with his hand. "Hush. I'm just going to convince him to meet me at a restaurant close by...but he's actually going to meet you."

I look down at my swollen belly. "I don't...he'll run AJ. When he sees me he'll think this is Donnie's baby..."

His smile looks almost wicked. "He's not going to know you're pregnant at first. You're going to wear one of my old hoodies. One Nick got me with a skull on the back. You'll sit with your back to the door and he won't know it's you until he sits down. I'll follow him in and be at the door so he can't leave."

I throw my arms around his neck. "I'm glad you're sneaky AJ. Thank you."

He says, "Come on. I'll give you the hoodie and contact Nick. I think we need to do this as soon as possible."

I follow him with butterflies in my stomach. We can't be too late. Not when I finally know the truth about everything.


Nick's POV

My phone hasn't stopped ringing or beeping for almost 45 minutes. It's AJ. Has to be. Finally, I can't stand it anymore. When the phone rings again, I answer it gruffly. "What do you want AJ?"

He snaps, 'What do you think? You sent me a letter that sounded like you had a gun to your head."

I close my eyes. "AJ I'm not...I won't. I'm sorry I worried you, I was drunk off my ass."

He sounds relieved. "Good. But I'm not leaving Mexico until I see you with my own two eyes. So get off your ass and meet me at Señor Frogs in an hour."

Before I can say no, he disconnects the call. I stare at my phone thinking he's nuts. I'm not going to meet him anywhere. He can just forget about it. My phone beeps and I look at it. The four words I see make me weak. 'We heard from Jessi.'

I try calling him but he doesn't answer. He's determined to see me face to face. I should shower. I'm offensive even to myself. I take a quick shower and look around. I don't have any clean clothes. But it won't matter. Once I know Jessi is ok, I'll leave. Simple as that.


When I get to the restaurant, I almost leave again. But he said he heard from Jessi. I just have to know she's ok. Where she is, anything. God I miss that woman.

When I step into the bar, it's noisy. A few people give me a disgusted look. Maybe my clothes were worse than I thought. Then again, I've always looked shitty with a full beard and long hair, and right now, I probably look pretty scary.

I look around and I almost start laughing. It's easy to find AJ, even with his back to the door. When he first got into his 'goth' period, I bought him a lime green hoodie with a hot pink will on the back of it. Instead of getting mad at me, the dumbass wore it. I shake my head, allowing myself a small, sad smile. It will be good to see him. I've missed the dumbass.

I weave my way through the tables to AJ. I flop down in the chair across from him. "OK, so what..." My voice disappears when I look up and see Jessi looking back at me.

She tries to smile but it doesn't quite reach her eyes. "Hello Nick."

I want to drink in every detail of her face but shame makes me look away. "Jessi...why..." I can't form the words. My throat feels like it's closed off. I can feel her lean closer to me but I just can't look at her. Not after what I did.

Suddenly, someone sits down with us. I look up to see AJ grinning at me. "Surprise."

I give him a death glare. "Why didn't you warn me?"

From across the table, Jessi says, "Would you have come if you had known I was here?" When I don't answer, she says, "I need to talk to you Nick. And I need you to listen to me."

I keep my gaze averted from her. I can hear the pain in her voice and if I run now, I'll cause her even more pain. "Jessi, I...I'm so sorry."

I see her fingertips inch towards my arm. When she touches me I almost fall apart. With her hand on my forearm I shiver. I force myself to look up into her eyes. She's on the verge of tears when she whispers, "It's ok Nick. I finally understand why."

I close my eyes. "I didn't know what to do."

She lets go of my arm and I open my eyes to see her scooting her chair around the table closer to me. I glance at AJ to see he's crying. When I look at Jessi, she's crying too. When she's next to me she said, "Nick, it's ok." I try to look away but she reaches out and touches my face. When I look at her again, she whispers, "Nothing would have changed what happened."

I fold my arms on the table and start sobbing. I feel AJ put his hand on my shoulder to comfort me. Then I feel it. Jessi's arm slides over my back and she lays her head on my shoulder. I hear her say, "Nick, it was the only way to keep Hanna Jo and AJ and Denise safe."

I lift my head up and she sits up with me. I look at her and say, "But what he did..."

She shakes her head quickly. "He'll spend the rest of his life in prison. If I had known the truth, I would have given in to him and he would have won."

I close my eyes. My ribs still ache and my head is splitting. "So now what?"

She lays her head on my shoulder again. "There's a lot we need to talk about. Will you come back to Canada with us?"

I lay my head against hers, wishing I could turn back time. "I don't know Jessi. No matter what you say it's always going to be my fault that he hurt you."

Faithfully
Chapter 8
By Dottie
Copyright. 2016

Jessi's POV

I can't believe this is the same man I married. In six months his hair has grown down to just below his shoulders. I see strands of gray throughout the thick luxurious locks. I can tell he just washed it, but it's obvious to see a comb or brush hasn't touched it in quite a while.

As if the long hair wasn't enough, the full beard startled me. Nick used to hate facial hair. Said he didn't like how it felt when he ate...or slept. It doesn't look like he's sleeping much. Boy have I had nights like those lately.

I think the biggest shock is his eyes. They seem lifeless. Like he really has given up. Up until I saw him sit down across from me, part of me wanted to remain aloof. I can't just go back to being Jessi Carter. But seeing the tall, handsome man I love reduced to looking like a beach bum barely scratching out an existence makes my heart ache.

For all the things Donnie did to me...for all the months I thought I hated Nick with a passion because of it...I see now that he hurt Nick a hundred times more. Not just physically. Nick didn't have any choice...if he had told me I'd have given into Donnie. I'd have let him rape me...and it wouldn't have been rape. And he wouldn't be sitting in a jail cell.

Pushing Donnie from my thoughts I focus on Nick again. He still won't look at me. I slide even closer to him, amazed that it was so easy for me to forget the six months of anger I felt. I just want to comfort him. I want to take care of him. I'm as fiercely overprotective of him as I am the child growing within me. When I found out the baby was Nick's, it's like the anger was sucked out of me and replaced with love...deep, passionate love.

I lay my head on his shoulder again. I hear AJ say, "Nick are you really ok?"

Nick lays his head against mine and murmurs "Yeah."

But the feeling of hopefulness I was feeling is quickly sucked away as the baby kicks. I'm leaning against Nick's arm and his elbow is pressed against my belly. I know he felt it. He jerks back, avoiding my eyes. He stares in horror at my swollen stomach before he pulls away and starts to stand.

I grab his hand and force him to stay by the table. AJ stands to block his exit. I find my voice and manage to hoarsely whisper, "Nick, it's not his baby."

Nick sits again, jerking away from me. "Then who the fuck...?"

I look at AJ feeling helpless. He says, "Nick, you gotta listen to me. I...I thought you had figured it out a long time ago. When management wanted you to have that vasectomy...it was a hoax."

Nick shakes his head. "What the hell are you talking about?"

AJ pulls off his sunglasses. "Nick, look at me." When their eyes meet, AJ says, "You didn't have any surgery. Fuck Nick, think about it. When you woke up did feel any pain? Any discomfort? No, you went right back on stage with us that night."

Nick looks lost. "What are talking about? They gave me painkillers as soon as I woke up."

AJ snorts. "They probably gave you vitamins. Nick I swear, I heard them talking. The surgery was a set up. The convinced you that you had to wear condoms because that girl had some kind of disease that accused you of fathering that child. Management scared the shit out of all of us with that one. But I swear, you never had a vasectomy."

Nick glances at me then looks at the table. I take a chance and lean closer to him, not surprised that he pulls away again. I sigh and whisper, "I know you don't want to believe me Nick, but this IS your child." I hear my voice break and I know I'm going to cry. Pushing away from the table, I murmur, "I...excuse me."

As I struggle to stand, Nick grabs my hand. "Wait...please don't go."

I sit again, watching him struggle to meet my eyes. I feel my lip tremble. "Nick, listen to me." He nods slowly, so I push on. "Thad did a DNA test. This is NOT Donnie's baby...she's yours." His fingers tighten around my hand briefly. I slide my other hand over his and whisper, "Come back with us Nick. We need to talk...I...need you to be there with me."

He starts to shake his head so AJ cuts him off. "Nick, come back. You need to meet Todd...and be there when your baby is born."

Nick manages to look at me and I reach out to touch his face again. He closes his eyes, pressing his cheek into my hand. "Why? Why don't you hate me?"

His sadness...his hopelessness gives me the strength to say, "I could never hate you Nick."


AJ's POV

I don't know how Jessi did it, but she managed to convince Nick to come out of hiding. He hasn't agreed to come to Canada with us yet, but he's willing to show me where he's living so I'll know where to find him.

Jessi was very upset he wouldn't change his mind. We walked her back to the hotel so she could rest and Nick could show me where he's living. Once we're alone, walking down the beach, I say, "What the hell is wrong with you Nick?"

He ignores my question. I see him rubbing his ribs and I know he's still in pain. "Why did you bring her AJ? After what I did to her...I can't even look at her."

I shove my hands in my pockets. "She wanted to come with me Nick. Once she knew the truth, she...she wanted to know you're ok. And now she knows you're not, she's going to worry about you even more."

He shoots me a withering glance. "I'm fine."

I grab his arm. "No you're not! Look at yourself Nick! You're falling apart. I thought you'd be happy...Jessi wants to work on this with you...she's having your baby!"

He pulls away from me, his eyes meeting mine. "I am happy that she came with you! But how can she...how can she forgive me for lying to her...and letting him..."

I fold my arms, watching him closely. "Nick, she understands why you lied. She knows if you had told her the truth, she would have done exactly what Donnie wanted to protect us...Hanna Jo, Mom and me. She did fight him...she is fighting him. Instead of him getting what he wanted, her willingly in his bed, he's probably going to spend the better part of the next twenty years rotting in prison." When he doesn't say anything, I say, "She loves you Nick."

He sits down on the sand and hugs his knees, sobbing. "God knows I still love her...but how can we go back?"

I sit beside him, staring out at the ocean. "You don't go back. You go forward. Together."

Faithfully
Chapter 9
By Dottie
Copyright 2016

Jessi's POV

After the boys left all I'm able to do is sit and cry. I know Nick feels bad about what happened, but he didn't have a choice. And nothing I say is going to make him feel any differently. Yes I know...how can I love him and want him to come back with us when a month ago I hated him...well, after seeing him I realize I just thought I hated him. How could I possibly hate him when I know now that he did what he did to protect Hanna Jo and AJ and Denise?

I take my phone from my purse and lay back on the bed. I call Hanna Jo and when she answers, I whisper hoarsely, "Ho Jo...he won't come back with us."

I can tell she's starting to cry too. "Jessi, why? Did you...tell him about the baby?"

I sniffle loudly. "Yes, he knows. He...I don't know if he really believed me when I told him she's his." I close my eyes. "Hanna Jo, he looks...he's not the same. It's like he's dead on the inside. His eyes are...I'm scared Hanna Jo. He looked so desolate."

Her voice cracks. "Jessi, are you ok?"

I roll up on my side and rub my stomach. "I don't know. When I found out what really happened, I was so relieved. Hanna Jo, seriously, I really couldn't understand why he would basically hand me over to Donnie. Now I know he really didn't have a choice...did he?"

She's adamant when she says, "Nick loves you Jessi. He loves you more than anything. When he told you that lie, he did it to make you fight. If you had known Donnie had us, you would have let him take advantage of you, wouldn't you?"

I can't help but shiver. "Yes...Yes I would have. I'd do anything to protect my family. And you ARE my family Ho Jo." I take a shaky breath. "Hanna Jo, if things hadn't happened this way, Donnie would have gotten away it all."

She sniffles. "I know Jess. I'd give anything if he hadn't hurt you. It makes my heart ache..."

I open my eyes, looking out the window. "Hanna Jo, I survived it. But...do you think I can...do you think Nick and I can ever get past this and..."

She cuts me off. "Yes. Yes, you can because you love him and he loves you."

I struggle to sit up. "Hanna Jo, what if we can't? I mean, all I wanted to do today was wrap my arms around him and hold him. But he didn't even want me to touch him. He wouldn't even look at me."

Her voice is soft. "Jessi, it's not because he doesn't love you. He feels guilty because of what Donnie did to you. He blames himself."

I close my eyes. "I know. But I don't blame him. Not anymore." Swallowing hard, I say, "Hanna Jo, if anything had happened to you I don't think I ever would have forgiven him...you know?"

She's crying with me. "I know. You mean everything to me too. You just have to...Jessi, you have to be patient."

I struggle to stand. "I have to find him Hanna Jo. I have to make him come back with us."

I hear Todd start to cry. She murmurs. "You do that. You and Nick can stay here as long as you need to." The baby starts to cry louder and she says, "I need to get Todd. I love you Jess."

I whisper, "Love you too Ho Jo."

After I disconnect the call, I call AJ. When he answers, I say, "Where's Nick?"

In a tired voice, he says, "I left him in his shack."

My hear sinks. "Shack?"

He mumbles under his breath before he says, "I promised I wouldn't tell you."

I sniffle loudly. "AJ, I want you to take me to him. I'm not leaving Mexico without him."

He chuckles and says, "I'm glad you're as stubborn as Hanna Jo. When do you want to leave?"

I wipe my eyes. "Right now."


When I see where Nick is living, I become even more determined to make him one back with us. As long as he lives here...as long as we aren't together, Donnie is still winning. I look over at AJ. "Book another seat for the flight home."

He gives me a sad smile. "He won't go."

I rub my stomach and say, "Then I won't go either. I'm not leaving him alone." I look back at the shack. "Let me talk to him AJ. Alone."

He puts his hand on my shoulder. "Jessi, he's...he won't let you stay."

I look up at AJ and see the tears swimming in his eyes. I pat his cheek and whisper, "He doesn't have a choice. I won't let Donnie take one more thing away from me."

AJ kisses my forehead. "Jessi, I know it can't be easy, but Wahlberg will be behind bars the rest of his life. As long as you and Nick need us, Hanna Jo and I will be there for you." He hugs me tightly and I can hear the raw emotion in his voice. "Nick loves you but he's ashamed. And he's hurting. I hope you can make him come back."

I push away from him and wipe my eyes. "I will."


When I get to the door of the shack, I turn the knob and push it open. I know if I knock he'll never let me in. I peek around the door cautiously but I don't see him. I step into the shack with a sinking heart. Donnie did this to him. He reduced the sweetest, most noble man I've ever known into a broken shell of a man. He made Nick choose between the people he loved most. And I know Nick loved me enough...he knew me well enough to know I could survive whatever Donnie dished out...but I couldn't live without him and Hanna Jo.

I close the door and glance around the room. It's a shambles. I can't even count the number of beer bottles and tequila bottles I see lying around. I'm sure if I could have seen Nick's face under that shaggy beard, he's probably bloated from the alcohol.

I tiptoe through the room and down a short hallway. I peek inside the first door I come too and my stomach heaves. It's a bathroom that's seen better days. I keep moving to the end of the hallway and slowly push open the bedroom door. Nick is sitting on a disgusting looking bed with a bottle of tequila in one hand and his phone in the other.

I push the door open all the way and gingerly step inside. He looks up at me and a look of anger and self-loathing lights his face. "I told AJ not to bring you here."

I move closer to him and sit down by his legs. When he looks away from me I take the tequila bottle from his hand and toss it away. "He didn't have a choice. I'm not leaving here without you and I damn sure don't want my daughter born here. So get off your ass and let's go back to Canada with AJ."

His eyes come back to meet mine. "Daughter? A...you're having a girl?"

I nod, hopeful he will listen to me. "WE are having a daughter Nick."

He shakes his head. "I still don't...AJ had to be wrong. I know I had that surgery..."

I grab his hand and I hold on tight when he tries to pull away. "Nick, even if you had the surgery it didn't work. I had the DNA test done...this is NOT Donnie's baby and since I met you there hasn't been anyone else." When he doesn't say anything, my heart sinks. "You don't believe me? You think..."

I close my eyes, letting my head fall and the tears start to flow. He whispers hoarsely. "Jessi, don't. I know there was no one. I just...how can I be a good father when I let him..."

I look up at him, taking a chance and sliding closer to him. "Nick, you didn't LET him do anything. I didn't LET him do anything. And because of what he did, he's going to spend the rest of his life rotting in a prison where he belongs." He doesn't say anything and I whisper, "Nick, I don't want him to take you away from me too. Not when I know...Nick you didn't have a choice. He made you choose...and you made the right choice. If...if I had known he had Hanna Jo and AJ and Denise I would have LET him...and there wouldn't a damn thing I could do about it. And you would have hated me for giving in and I would have lost you."

He closes his eyes and tears slip down his cheeks. "I would never hate you Jessi."

I bring myself close enough to wipe away the tears on his face. He opens his eyes and I whisper, "Come back with me Nick. Don't...please don't let him win like this. If I lose you..."

He stares into my eyes. I can see he's struggling to hold in his emotions. "Jessi...why? After what I did...I lied to you. He hurt you...why do you want me to come back?"

I lean closer, brushing his nose with mine, trying to ignore the smell of alcohol on his breath. "I love you Nick. I've always loved you." I feel his body tremble. "Nick, I don't know what's going to happen...but now that I know the truth, I want...I need you to be there. Especially when our daughter is born."

He pulls away and looks down at my stomach. "How can you be sure?"

I rub my belly and whisper, "Nick, Thad did a DNA test against the samples they took from Donnie. There's not a chance in hell this is his child. She has to be yours. You're the only one..."

He looks up and meets my eyes. "Jessi I'm so sorry."

I touch his face softly. "I know Nick...I am too."

He looks away. "Why are you sorry?"

I push away from him and struggle to stand. I walk to the window and say, "I lost faith in you. I should have known there was more involved than just money." I close my eyes and whisper, "I've missed you so much Nick."

I hear him moving around. I turn to see him standing. He won't look at me, but he manages to murmur, "I missed you too."

I walk over closer to him. He pulls away and I stop. "Will you come back with us?

He nods slowly. "Yeah...I guess I can try." He glances at me and says, "You really forgive me?"

I move closer to him. "Yes. I do."

Faithfully
Chapter 10
By Dottie
Copyright 2016

AJ's POV

I'm surprised Nick hasn't kicked Jessi out yet. She's been in there almost half an hour. I push myself up off the sand and head to the door to make sure everything's ok. Before I can knock, the door opens and Jessi steps out into the sunshine taking a deep breath. She looks at me and smiles and I know she's convinced him.

Nick comes to the door behind her and I look at him, smiling. "I didn't think she'd convince you." I turn back to her. "You are stubborn, aren't you?"

She nods firmly. "I told you both I'm not letting Donnie Wahlberg take one more thing from me."

Nick drops his gaze to the sand. I look at Jessi. "Girl, you know he's gonna pay for it."

She nods tearfully. "I know...and if I have my way...and Thad has his way, he'll never get out of prison.”

Nick mutters, “He should get the electric chair for what he’s done to you.”

Jessi turns to look at him. “I wasn’t the only person he hurt.”

I can see Nick is uncomfortable and I’m afraid he’ll bolt. “You got your shit packed, Bro? Our flight leaves at 10:30 tonight.”

Nick shakes his head. “I don’t…there’s nothing here I need.” He looks down at himself. “Maybe I need to go buy some clean clothes.

I can see Jessi wants to touch him…comfort him in some way but if she does, Nick will run. I say, “Come on back to the hotel. You can use my shower and I’ll run out and get you something to wear. Deal?”

Nick nods slightly. He glances at Jessi. “I don’t…I’m still not sure I should go with you.”

For someone so small, when she gets mad, she could intimidate a giant. “Nick Carter if you don’t go with me, your daughter is going to be born in this shack. Is that what you want?”

He shakes his head quickly. “No! I just…I don’t…deserve forgiveness.”

Jessi stomps her foot on the sand again and yells, “Damn you Nick Carter, would you just listen to me already? I can forgive you anything…except losing Hanna Jo. She’s the only person that ever gave a damn about me. She’s the only family I’ve ever had…until you. You did the only thing you could have done. Because trust me, if anything had happened to her, I would never have forgiven you. I probably would have killed you.”

She turns and stomps off. Nick looks as stunned as I am. I shake my head. “Carter, you do realize that woman loves you with her whole heart, don’t you?”

Nick nods slowly. “I know she does. But I can’t figure out why. I let Donnie rape her.”

I can’t help it…I grab his arms and shake him. “Nick, you didn’t LET him do anything. You told me yourself he had you tied up until…it was over. And you know Jessi fought him every step of the way. And she is still fighting him. She’s going to put his sorry ass behind bars and you fucking BETTER be there with her when it happens. She’s right; if you don’t come back…Wahlberg wins. He will have taken the most important thing in Jessi’s life…the father of her child.”


Jessi's POV

Nick Carter makes me so mad I could spit. And at the same time it breaks my heart. I understand what he's feeling. He feels guilty. I know once the shock of seeing him face to face again wears off I just might start blaming him again. But I don't want to do that.


Suddenly the baby kicks. Hard. I rub my stomach, moving to sit on a bench as she does cartwheels inside me. I hear Aj and Nick running toward me. I look up just as Nick drops to his knees in front me. "Jessi, what's wrong?"

I shake my head, grabbing his hand and placing it on the side of my stomach. I watch his face as he feels her moving around. It's a look of shock and fear. I see love there too and it makes my heart race. "I'm ok, she's just kicking up a storm."

AJ laughs. "Todd was the same way. He kicked so hard once, he bruised Hanna's ribs."

Nick glances up at AJ before turning to me. "Does she move a lot?"

I nod, smiling. "Yeah. I'm thinking Haley Jo is telling me she's going to be a gymnast."

He smiles a tingly smile. "Haley Jo Todd. I like that."

I shake my head. "No. Haley Jo Carter." His mouth drops and I push on. "Nick, she is your baby. I know that you're struggling with it, but it's true. We can do another DNA test if you want to." When he doesn't say anything, I say, "We can also talk about names. I...if you don't..."

He cuts me off. "No, Haley Jo is perfect."

AJ clears his throat. "Listen, you two will have a ten hour flight to catch up. Right now we need to get back to the hotel and pack."

Nick rubs his face. "I think I need a haircut and a shave too. And I'll go buy some clothes.”

I nod slightly. “You do need a haircut.” He sort of smiles. I sigh, standing up. “I should probably rest. The plane ride probably won’t be very comfortable for me if she’s kicking up a storm.” Nick reaches for my hand but pulls back. I step closer to him and take his hand, turning to grab AJ’s with my other. “Come on…let’s get back to Hanna Jo and Todd.”


Nick’s POV

Standing in the shower in AJ’s hotel room, I question the wisdom of going back. Jessi seems ok, but…well, considering how I look and the letter I sent AJ, they think I’m suicidal. Maybe part of me is. I don’t know. But I have to admit…seeing her gave me hope.

After scrubbing myself from head to toe, I step out of the shower and start drying myself. I glance in the mirror and groan. I look like shit. Seven months of drinking has given me a beer gut and flabby muscles. Why the fuck would Jessi want me? Before I can come up with a feasible answer, AJ yells, “Come on Carter, let’s shake it. It’s a long drive to the airport and you still have to get your haircut.”

I put on a robe and step out of the steamy bathroom. “AJ, is it safe for Jessi to fly?”

He nods. “Yeah, she asked the doctor a bunch of questions.” He hands me a bag. “Listen, I know you and Jessi want to sit together on the plane, but…well, I couldn’t get three seats in first class. Only one. I really think we should make Jessi sit up there so she’ll be more comfortable.” I lower my eyes and he says, “Nick, I know you’re finding it hard to believe, but she does love and forgive you.”

I step back into the bathroom, leaving the door open so we can talk. As I’m getting dressed, I mutter, “I know she does AJ. I just can’t understand why.”

He snorts. “You sure are pig headed.” When I come out of the bathroom he says, “Nick, do you realize how hard it was for her to accept you agreed to Donnie’s terms because of money? She knew you. She knew money didn’t mean shit to you if you didn’t have her.”

I shake my head. “Whatever. Look, I know at some point she’s going to start hating me again and I truly don’t blame her.”

AJ flops down on the bed and stretches out. “Then why the fuck are you coming back with us?”

I stare at him before gingerly sitting down on the other bed, ignoring his question. “Thanks for getting sweats. Jeans never would have fit.”

He glares at me. “Well you have let yourself go…now answer me. Why are you coming back if you think Jessi will end up hating you?”

I shrug. “I can’t let her have her baby in that dump…or even in this country. She needs the best medical care for…umm…her baby.”

He’s getting frustrated with me. I can hear it in his voice. “YOUR baby Nick. Jessi is having YOUR baby girl. Don’t you want to be part of her life? Don’t you WANT to be her Daddy?”

I can’t stop the tears from falling. “I want my family more than anything AJ. I don’t know if I can live without…them.”

Faithfully
Chapter 11
By Dottie
Copyright 2016

Nick’s POV

The ride to the airport is quiet. Jessi insists on sitting in the back seat so she can nap a little longer. She really is exhausted. She’s so tiny. I know carrying the baby has to be hard on her. But she looks so beautiful. Once I know she’s asleep, I keep turning around to watch her. I see the baby moving. It still shocks me to think that after all the shit we’ve been through she forgives me and is having my baby.

AJ catches me watching her. He chuckles. “She wasn’t leaving without you.”

I nod. “I know. She looks beautiful.”

He agrees with me. “She does. Motherhood certainly agreed with her and Hanna.”

I give him my full attention. “AJ, thanks for coming with her…I know leaving Hanna Jo was hard.”

He shrugs. “It was and it wasn’t. We couldn’t let Jessi come alone and she was hell bent on finding you and making sure you were ok. Hanna Jo was going to come but the flight was too long for Todd.”

Suddenly I feel happy. OK, happier than I have been in months. “It’s so damn good to see you AJ. I’ve missed you all.”

He shoots me a dirty look. “Don’t get all mushy on me now Carter. Wait till we’re home then I can cry with some dignity.” After we both laugh, he mutters, “We’ve missed you too.”

From the back seat, Jessi moans. I turn around in time to see a look of pain cross her face. I reach back and touch her hand. “Jessi, are you ok?”


She slowly opens her eyes and nods. “Yeah. She’s just restless this afternoon.”

The rest of the ride is made in almost total silence. AJ is trying to sing along with the radio and it makes me miss the group that much more. But he looks happy. And that’s the important thing.

I keep stealing glances at Jessi. She’s sleeping again, but I can see she’s uncomfortable. I have to do whatever I can to take care of her. She doesn’t have to know that after the baby comes I plan on disappearing again. How can I be a loving husband and father when I hate myself so much?


After getting through airport security, we sit in the lounge to wait for our flight to board. It takes AJ and I a long time to convince Jessi we want her to take the first class seat. She finally capitulates when another well-placed kick has her crying out in pain.

Once AJ and I are in our seats, AJ says, “Man, I’m starting to get worried about Jessi.”

I nod, staring at the curtain separating us from the first class area. “Me too.”

Half an hour later, we’re airborne. I still haven’t stopped watching that curtain, hoping for a glimpse of Jessi when the stewardesses pass back and forth between cabins. AJ elbows me. “I asked the stewardess to keep tabs on her.”

I glance at him. “I heard. Thanks Man.” Turning my gaze back to the curtain, I mutter, “She’s so tiny.”

I expect him to try to blow off my concern but he doesn’t. “Hanna Jo said the same thing. Apparently the doctor she had in…”

When he stops talking, I look at him. “What? Where was she?”

He sighs. “I’m not supposed to tell Nick. Dammit, me and my big mouth.”

I roll my eyes. “Just tell me already. Not like I won’t find out from her once we get to your place.”

AJ shrugs. “She may not. She was adamant she didn’t want any of us to find her hiding place.” When I just wait for him to continue, he mutters, “She went back to Australia and bought a house there.”

To say I am stunned is an understatement. “Why there? I mean, after all that happened I didn’t think she’d ever step foot down under again.”

AJ shrugs. “She told Hanna Jo she hated it there, but it was one of the two places she knew we’d never look.” When I don’t say anything, he whispers, “There and Hawaii.”

I could cry. “Why did this have to happen to Jessi? Her whole life has been nothing but heartache. I wanted to take that away.”

AJ asks a passing stewardess for two pillows before saying, “Nick I think you did. I mean, yeah it’s been rough, but look where we are. Heading home with Jessi. She came to get you because she loves you. You brought something into her life that Donnie Wahlberg couldn’t take away. You brought her love and happiness.” After a lengthy pause, he states, “Don’t you dare think of running away again Nick. You guys can get help…go to counseling. Help Ho Jo and I run the B&B with Todd and Haley Jo. You have a family. You have a home. You have a LIFE waiting for you with a woman that loves you.”

I turn my gaze to him. “But after what I did…”

He grabs one of the pillows from the stewardess, giving her a grateful smile. When she walks away, he says, “What you did was save our lives. Jessi understands now. She couldn’t accept you gave her to Donnie because of money. That’s why she disappeared. Now that she knows the truth she realizes you loved her enough to protect her family. You loved her enough to make her fight. Now you have to love her enough to be what she needs.”

My shoulder sag. “What does she need me to be?”

He elbows me. “The asshole she fell in love with in Europe. The man that didn’t care about her past. You don’t care about her past…do you Nick?”

I shake my head. “Of course not! She didn’t have a choice.”

AJ reaches over and pats my face like a father praising his child. “Neither did you. Now get some sleep. We have eight more hours on this beast.”


The captain’s voice drags me back to consciousness about 3 seconds before AJ grabs my arm. “Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. We regret to say we will be making an emergency landing in Seattle due to a medical emergency on board. We ask that you take your seats and prepare. We will be landing in less than 15 minutes. Cabin crew, please execute emergency landing procedures.”

I look at AJ and he’s pale as a ghost. “It’s Jessi. They think she might be in labor.”

Before I can wrap my mind around his words, the stewardess walks up. “Two passengers from first class have agreed to trade seats with you so you can be with her. Please come forward.”

As we pass the couple in the aisle, I murmur, “Thank you so much.”

When I get to the front, Jessi is crying and holding her stomach. I drop down on the floor beside her. “Jessi, what’s wrong?”

She sobs, “It’s too early…it hurts…Nick she has to be ok, she has too!”

I take her hand and whisper, “Shh, calm down Jessi. Just breathe. I’ll take care of you, you just gotta breathe.”

They let me stay there until the plane starts to descend. The stewardess murmurs, “Mr. Carter, I need you to take your seat for landing. It will only be a few moments.”

I nod, watching Jessi. She squeezes my hand and whispers, “I’m ok.” I can’t stop myself from kissing her forehead. When I pull back she whispers, “I’m so glad you’re here.”

Faithfully
Chapter 12
By Dottie
Copyright 2016

Once the plane is on the ground, an ambulance is waiting to take Jessi to the hospital. They don’t want to let AJ and I ride with her, but when she cries out for us to go, the ambulance attendants give in. AJ crawls into the front as I climb in the back, holding her hand tightly. Every time she grimaces I want to vomit.

The trip to the hospital seems to take forever, when in reality it was less than fifteen minutes. Once there, AJ says “Stick with Jessi, I’m gonna call Hanna Jo.”

I don’t have much of a choice. Jessi won’t let go of my hand. Once in an examination room, the nurse tries to kick me out, but Jessi holds on for dear life. A doctor hears the commotion and comes in. “Ma’am you need to calm down. Your husband can stay.”

I’m stunned into silence. I never really was her husband, except in name only for a few days. My heart clenches when she grips my hand and mutters, “Thank you.” That’s when I see it. Her wedding band on her finger. It’s easy to see it hasn’t been off her hand since the day we got married. Her fingers are swollen from carrying the baby. I drag my eyes up to hers and she whispers, “Nick, she has to be ok.”

I reach up with my free hand and brush her hair back. “Jessi…” I don’t know what else to say or do. I lean down and kiss her forehead. She sobs, reaching for me and for the first time in a very long time, I feel like I might have a chance at a life with the woman I love. I hold her tightly, crying with her, praying that God takes care of the two most important people in my life.


Half an hour later, a doctor comes in and says, “Mrs. Carter, you can rest easy. You are not in labor.”

I feel as if the weight of the world is lifted off my shoulders. Jessi sighs and whispers, “What is it? Why do I hurt so bad?”

The doctor sort of chuckles and says, “Well, Mrs. Carter, to be perfectly frank, you have a gas bubble about the size of a softball.”

I can’t help it. I want to laugh. But I don’t dare. If I do, Jessi will kill me. Her face turns blood red and she whispers, “You’re kidding.”

The doctor shakes his head. “No. It’s not uncommon for pregnant women to have problems with gas bubbles. Coupled with your recent trip to Mexico…the food probably exacerbated your condition. I can give you something to help dissipate the gas and you’ll feel a lot better.”

Jessi covers her face and says, “I can’t believe this.” I bite my lip. She peeks at me between her fingers and mutters, “Not one word Nick Carter.”

I can’t hold it in. I start to chuckle. I try to sound contrite when I say, “I’m sorry; I know it’s not funny…”

The doctor leaves the room before he starts laughing out loud. Jessi rolls her eyes. “I can’t believe this.”

I fold my arms, placing one of my hands over my mouth to keep my laughter contained. “It’s nothing to be embarrassed about Jessi.”

She rolls her eyes. “Yes it is. Stupid Mexican food.”

Before I can figure out what to say, AJ’s head comes around the edge of the door. “Hey, the doc said I could come in. What’s going on?”

I can’t look at AJ. If I do, I’ll lose the battle with my laughter. I move to look out the window as Jessi says, “I’m fine. I’m not in labor.”

AJ heaves a sigh of relief. “Thank God. Now I can call and tell Hanna Jo she doesn’t have to run down here. What was it?”

When Jessi doesn’t say anything, he says, “Come on, one of you tell me what it was.” I just shake my head, refusing to look at him. Jessi doesn’t make a sound. He says, “Seriously, what the hell am I supposed to tell Hanna Jo? She’s making reservations for her and Todd. She’s gonna want to know what happened.”

I turn to Jessi. She looks at me and shrugs. I turn to AJ. “It was nothing really. Just the spicy food in Mexico didn’t…agree with her.”

AJ gets it almost immediately and he’s not a bit ashamed to share his mirth. “You’re fucking kidding me! She had gas?” As his laughter pours out of him I move to Jessi’s side and take her hand. She looks up at me and just shakes her head. AJ continues, “Well fuck, come on, it’s a natural enough occurrence. You gotta be more like Nicky here Jessi. Your husband was famous on tour for farting.”

My turn to blush. I turn to AJ and mutter, “Shut up Dickhead.”

From out of nowhere, Jessi starts to laugh. I turn to look at her and she mutters, “Oh my God!”

I sit beside her. “What is it?”

She giggles but tears are starting to fall from her eyes. She sniffles and whispers, “I’ve missed you guys so much. It’s just so good to see you like this.” She grabs my hand. “Thank you for coming back with us.”

AJ moves to sit on her other side. He slaps my shoulder and says, “It is good to have you back Man. I never knew how much I depended on having you around until you weren’t there.”

I look over at him. “I’m sorry Bone.” I look at Jessi. “How do you feel?”

She reaches up and touches my face. I want to pull away but I know it will hurt her feelings. She says, “Embarrassed as hell. When can I get out of here?”

Trying to lighten the mood, AJ says, “I’m sure if you fart that would speed things right along.”

Jessi slaps his arm and mutters, “Shut up McLean.”

He pulls out his phone. “I can’t wait to tell this one to Hanna Jo.”

Jessi giggles and says, “Tell her to stay home. We’ll be there soon.”

As AJ leaves the room I look at Jessi. “I’m sorry I laughed.”

She pushes herself up and puts her arms around my neck. “I’m not Nick. I…I don’t know what’s going to happen but having you here…knowing the truth…it means everything to me.”

I let my arms slide around her waist and I hold her close. “Jessi…”

Before I can say anything else, she whispers, “Don’t. Nick…just…don’t.” After a few seconds, she whispers, “I still love you.”

With my face buried in her hair, I whisper, “I still love you too.”

Faithfully
Chapter 13
By Dottie
Copyright 2016

Jessi’s POV

Well after a couple of hours at the hospital being thoroughly embarrassed by AJ, I’m released. Instead of flying on to Canada immediately, AJ takes it upon himself to get a couple of rooms at a hotel for the night. Hanna Jo’s idea. She thinks I should get a good night’s sleep before flying again. Maybe she’s right.

Problem is we were spotted at the airport and coming into the hospital by the paparazzi. Thankfully I wasn’t seen…but AJ and Nick were. When it comes time to leave the hospital, AJ had to arrange for rental car with dark windows and a private exit from the parking garage under the hospital for the doctor’s.

It’s no better at the hotel. We’re stuck sitting in the car for almost half an hour while the police are called to disperse the photographers. Nick and AJ keep me covered as we push into the hotel. Once I’m alone in my room, I’m a basket case. Oh of course I told AJ and Nick I’m fine. Things are still REALLY touchy…especially for Nick. He’s a total basket case about it all because of me.

I can’t call Hanna Jo. She’ll blame herself for suggesting we rest. But I need to talk to someone. I call the one person I’ve been depending on for a long time. “Thad, it’s me.”

He sounds tired. “What’s wrong Jessi?”

I play with the hem of my shirt. “Everything.”

His concern makes me want to cry. “What happened? Didn’t you find Nick? Are you still in Canada?”

I close my eyes. “No. Well, we’re going back to Canada. We did find Nick. He…He’s…”

Thad sounds alarmed. “He’s what? What happened?”

I sniffle. “He was living in a rundown shack on the beach in Mexico. He’s…he was broken because of what Donnie did to me.”

Thad gets that fatherly tone in his voice. “Well hell Jessi, he felt guilty. Odds are he still does. I do. I always will. I promised you I’d protect you. Now all I can do is promise you that IF he ever sees the light of day as a free man, he’ll be an old man.”

I hear it in his voice…he knows something. “What is it? What happened?”

After a brief pause he says, “The sentence came down yesterday. Didn’t you hear about it?”

I shake my head. “How? I was in Mexico.”

He chuckles. “Mexico has television too.”

I chew on my lip before asking, “What happened?”

Going all business on me, he says, “Well, you know he confessed to everything. He was trying to plea bargain, but thankfully the judge was a hard-nosed bastard and gave him the max. It will be at least 25 years before they’ll even think about parole. He told Donnie that being a celebrity didn’t give him privileges or rights above any other citizen and his actions were reprehensible. The judge even read your statement and Nick’s in the courtroom.”

I close my eyes, my stomach churning as I remember sharing every little detail of what Donnie did to me. Then I realize what he said. My eyes open wide. “Nick’s statement?”

Thad is quiet for a long time before saying, “Yeah. Nick gave his deposition as soon as he was able to…talk.”

I feel the tears building. “Thad, I want to read his statement. I need to know what they did to him.”

Thad hesitates. “Jessi, before you go delving into that too deeply, I…where do things stand with you and Nick?”

I sniffle again, wiping my nose with my sleeve. “I still love him Thad. I always have, even when every part of me wanted to hate him, he still had my heart. I know we don’t have an easy road ahead of us, but for Haley Jo’s sake, I have to at least try to have some kind of relationship with him…if he’ll let me after everything Donnie did.”

Thad is so quiet, I think he hung up. Finally, he says, “Jessi, I’ll send you a copy of his deposition…but only if Nick agrees to it. I think you and Nick need to see a professional and get everything out. I know you love him and I know you realize he did what he had to do to protect Hanna Jo, AJ and AJ’s mother. But do you REALLY forgive him?”

His question stops me cold. “Thad if anything had happened to Hanna Jo, I’d have hated him until the day I died. If he had told me, I would have lain in that bed and spread my legs for Donnie to keep her safe and he would have gotten away with all of it.” I take a shaky breath. “She’s my family Thad. You know how much she means to me.”

He agrees quickly. “I do know that Jessi. But I also know you’re a victim of rape.” When he says it out loud I want to vomit. “He forced you to have sex. If you make up with Nick, are you going to be able to be intimate with him?”

I fall over on the bed and curl up on my side rubbing my stomach. “I don’t know. I just don’t know.” Haley Jo kicks and I jump. “All I know is I’m having his baby and he saved Hanna Jo’s life.” After a minute I say, “And I love him. What do you think I should do?”

He sighs and says, “See a counselor. Take him back to Australia with you and get back into your counseling sessions with Dr. Nguyen.”

I’m shocked at his suggestions. “Why there? Why can’t I see a counselor in Canada and stay with Hanna Jo?”

Being as blunt as ever, he says, “Because as long as she’s there, you won’t get past feeling grateful he did what he had to do. Jessi, I know he’s a good guy and I know you two loved each other, but you have to face EVERYTHING. You’re not the same woman you were 8 months ago. He’s not the same man. It’s going to take a long time and a lot of intense therapy for you to truly forgive him…and for him to truly forgive himself.”

I know he’s right. “I…I…how did you get to be so smart?”

He laughs. “I married a smart woman who happens to be a psychologist.” After a brief pause, he admits, “Jessi…I’ve been in therapy for the last six months…I can’t forgive myself for the part I played in you getting hurt. No one wants you and Nick to work this out more than me, trust me. But I have to be honest with you…you’re gonna have to hate him and me both a lot more before you can forgive us. And I truly hope that one day you will forgive me for forcing you to do what you did. Goodbye Jessi.”

He hangs up before I can stop him. I can’t stop the tears. I sob for hours. Nick and AJ both knocked on the door and called…but I didn’t answer. I’m sure they think I’m sleeping or one of them would have broken down the door. I can’t face them until I’m under control again. Donnie Wahlberg ruined so many lives. I’ve spent the last six months focusing only on what he did to me.

Poor Thad. I never even thought about what this did to him, but he was only doing his job. I knew that then…I know it now. His hands were tied as much as Nick’s and I don’t hate him either.

But leaving Hanna Jo again? I don’t know if I can do that. I don’t know if I’m actually strong enough to survive without her again. Suddenly Haley Jo kicks again. I rub my stomach and whisper, “I have to do this, don’t I? I have to face all of it so you can have the life you deserve with me and your Daddy and your Aunt Hanna Jo.”

Thad is right. This is the only way. Nick and I have to do this together…and whether we make it or not, at least Haley Jo will have both her parents in her life. She deserves that. My baby deserves to know her Daddy.

Faithfully
Chapter 14
By Dottie
Copyright 2014

Nick's POV

I can tell you this, it’s a weird being in a real bed again. I can't fall asleep. I keep thinking about Jessi. She's in the room next door to me. AJ and I tried to check up on her but she didn't answer. I hope she's resting.

I glance at the clock. Almost 7:30. She needs to eat dinner. I guess we all do. I push myself up, wincing. My muscles are stiff from lack of use. I look down at my body, thoroughly disgusted at how I let myself go. But over the last few months, I didn’t have a reason to stay in shape.

I go into the bathroom and stare at myself in the mirror. I had my hair cut in Mexico but I kept the beard. I just had it trimmed a little bit so I’d be more presentable. I know I've put on weight thanks to the booze. Keeping my face hidden with the beard is more of a defense mechanism than anything. I don't want Jessi to see me like this. Part of me wishes she still hated me.

I lower my eyes. Who am I kidding? When I first saw her my heart started beating again. When her hand first touched my mine I felt a tiny ray of hope that someday I could hold her in my arms again. Yes, I’m a great big sap, but I’ve missed her so much. She’s everything to me and always will be.

And the baby. Can it be true? She seems certain. I spent years thinking I could never be a father. Now I see Jessi heavy with child...MY child. The thought of being a father scares the shit out of me. But the thought of never knowing my child is scarier. The thought of never seeing Jessi again is the scariest of all. What if I let her down again? What if I'm a failure?

I'm drawn from my thoughts by the phone in my room ringing. It's probably AJ. I sit on the bed as I grab it. "Yeah?"

After a brief pause Jessi says, "Hey Nick."

I'm speechless. "Umm...hi."

She clears her throat. "I...can we talk?"

My grip tightens on the phone. "Of course we can. What's wrong?"

I can almost see her chewing on her lip. Finally she says "I...talked to Thad. He...he has an idea. I think it may be the best option...under the circumstances."

I know Thad only has Jessi's best interests at heart so this doesn't worry me. "What did he suggest?" She's quiet for so long I whisper "Jessi?"

She clears her throat. "Can you come to my room? So we can talk? Please?"

I can't believe she's asking me that. "What...do you want me to bring AJ?"

I nearly miss it when she stammers, "No...I just...unless you think it would be better..."

I cut her off. "No...I'll be right there."

After I hang up I start shaking. What if this is a bad idea? What if she tells me to take a hike? In all honesty part of me wants to just run...find a new place to hide and forget. But I can't run from Jessi. I'll do whatever I can to make her happy.


After I knock on her door, I hear her call out, “Come in.” I slowly step into the room to see her sitting on the edge of the bed. This is a bad idea. All I want to do is stretch out on that bed with her and get lost in her once again.

I grit my teeth, pushing aside thoughts of loving Jessi and say, “Are you ok?”

She nods, giving me half a smile. “Yeah, I’m ok. Just tired.” She scoots back to lean against the head board. “Sit down Nick. I…I have a lot to say.” Once I’m seated by her legs, she says, “I…I don’t think I can go back to Canada now. And…well…I don’t think flying home is a good idea either…under the circumstances.”

I can feel my eyes bug out of my head in shock. “What? Why? What’s wrong?”

She rubs her stomach. “I…I called my doctor back home. Considering I’m just shy of 32 weeks, a long flight back could be difficult. Even flying to Canada at this point is iffy. I just...I have to think about Haley Jo.”

I nod my agreement. “I get it. I was almost crazy when we were on the plane. I…I don’t know a lot about pregnant women, but I do know about flying. It can do weird things to your body. And you’re so tiny…”

She blushes. “Yeah, why couldn’t I grow up to be a normal sized adult?”

I reach for her hand and whisper, “You’re perfect, Jessi.”

She blushes. “Well, let me tell you what I’m planning on doing.” I nod and she continues. “I’m going to find a doctor here and probably rent a house…just till Haley Jo is born and we can travel.” She glances away before bringing her eyes back to mine. “I want you to stay here with me.”

My mouth drops. When I finally find my voice, I mutter, “Jessi, why? After everything that happened…”

She cuts me off. “Please don’t talk about that. Not yet.” I close my mouth and wait. “Nick, I did hate you…for a while. But beneath the anger and hurt I still loved you so much.”

I feel my eyes start to burn. I don’t want to cry. “Why Jessi? After what I did?”

She shrugs. “Nick, nothing you did ever made sense to me. I believed in you and I knew money didn’t mean a damn thing to you. When Hanna Jo and AJ told me the real reason, everything made perfect sense to me. You were the man I fell in love with again.”

I stand and walk to the window, looking out so she can’t see me crying. “No, Jessi, if I was I would have stopped him.”

I hear her moving and when she touches my back I shiver. “Nick, I made another call. I called Dr. Nguyen…my counselor…in Australia.” I’m stunned she told me where she was. AJ said she didn’t want me to know. But I keep my mouth shut and wait. “She thinks, under the circumstances, flying is out of the question, but I need to keep up with my sessions with her. So, we’re going to do a web conference twice a week…and I want you to be there.”

I turn to look at her. “Me? Why?”

She shrugs. “To be blunt, I have to know we can get back what we had. But…Thad’s right…I need to face everything with you. I do forgive you for lying to me…I swear I do.”

I can’t stop myself from asking, “Why?”

Her smile fades. “Because if anything had happened to Hanna Jo I would have hated you till the day I die.” The blood drains from my face at the thought of her hating me. She grabs my hands. “Nick, look at me.” I drag my eyes back to hers and she whispers, “Until I met you, Hanna Jo was all I had. She’s more than my best friend…she’s my family.” I nod slowly and she continues. “If I had known Donnie had her, I would have let him do whatever he wanted to. I’d have crawled in his bed willingly and he would have gotten away with it.”

Bile rushes into my throat. I pull away from her and run to the bathroom, barely making it. She follows me and rubs my back as I heave. When I’m under control again, I flush and whisper, “I’m sorry.”

She kisses my arm. “Don’t be. Use my toothbrush then come back out here. We need to finish talking.”

Once I’m sitting beside her on the bed again, she says, “Nick, can you do this? Can you stay here with me and help me figure this out?”

Part of me wants to say ‘no’ but when I open my mouth, I mutter, “Yeah.” After a minute, I say, “What about Hanna Jo?”

Her eyes cloud over. “She needs to stay in Canada with AJ for now.”

I’m shocked. “Why? I figured…well…”

She shrugs. “I think Thad was right about one thing…if she’s here, I won’t focus on processing my anger. All I’ll think about is how grateful I am she’s ok.” She looks away. “Thad thinks I need to hate you both a lot more before I can truly forgive you.” She brings her eyes back to mine. “Nick, I don’t think I can hate you. I don’t think it’s in me to hate you or Thad.”

I touch the back of her hand with my fingertips. “Why?”

She takes a shaky breath. “I know what it’s like when you don’t have a choice. When you have to do something horrific in order to survive. Thad was doing his job when he convinced me to testify against Paul and the other men at the bank. He knew I was afraid, but he forced me because it was the right thing to do. You lied to me because you knew Donnie would win if I knew the truth. You didn’t have a choice. And look at you? He nearly killed you because of that lie. How could I possibly hate either of you when you’ve made me a stronger person?”

I can’t stop myself. I wrap my arms around her hand crush her to my chest. “Jessi…I…I don’t even know what to say.”

She hugs me back and whispers, “Say you’ll stay. Say we can work on this together.” I hear her sniffle before she whispers, “I need you Nick. Haley Jo will need you. Please…stay with me.”

I pull back to look into her eyes. Brushing away her tears, I whisper, “Whatever you need Jessi. Whatever you need.”

Faithfully
Chapter 15
By Dottie
Copyright 2016

Jessi’s POV

It takes about a week to find a house. I’ve had a friend of Thad’s as a financial advisor because, let’s face it, $2 million doesn’t go very far in today’s society. When we were on the tour, Nick paid for everything…the money sat untouched. While the bulk is still there, buying a house in Australia and now renting one here in Washington, has taken out a hefty chunk. I’ll have to conserve what I have to take care of Haley Jo and once she’s old enough, I’ll be looking for a job.

Thankfully, the house we rented is furnished and it’s really not too expensive. Nick volunteered to get groceries so I could rest. I’m seven weeks from my due date and my new OB-GYN told me she doubts I’ll make it to term. I need to talk to Hanna Jo. I’m scared.

She answers on the second ring with a surly, “Hello?”

I sigh. “Please stop being mad at me Ho Jo. I can’t take it.”

Her voice softens. “Jessi, I just feel like you should be here with us. Not in some strange city.”

I sigh. “I wish I could be there, but I can’t fly…driving that far is definitely not gonna work with me going to the bathroom every half hour. I just…this is what’s best for Haley Jo. Please understand.”

She sniffles. “I know. But you’ve been gone so long. I want you to come home.”

I feel a smile tug at my lips. “Well, Ho Jo, after your goddaughter arrives, I think we’ll all come home. I just…I need your help with something.”

She sounds eager. “Anything. Name it.”

I squirm on the couch trying to find a comfortable way to sit. “Once I’ve recovered from the delivery, I’m going to have to get a job. That $2 million from the bank isn’t going to last forever and I want to make sure Haley Jo is taken care of.”

I can almost see her pacing her kitchen. “Well, I suppose I could help you find a job if you want, but you can always work here with us.”

I shake my head. “I knew you’d say that. And I appreciate it. But I need to stand on my own two feet.”

After a lengthy pause she asks, “What about Nick?”

I close my eyes. “Ho Jo, you know me. Every part of my heart wants to spend the rest of my life with Nick. Dr. Nguyen thinks we can…she thinks…I think…Hanna Jo, I KNOW with all my heart Nick made the only choice he could. Thad and Nick both think I should hate them, but I don’t. I can’t. I’ve been backed into corners my whole life and I’ve been forced to do some despicable things. What they did they had to do. How could I possibly hate either of them?”

She’s crying in earnest now. “Oh Jessi, I’ve prayed for you and Nick. I know he was devastated…we all were. But I knew when Thad told me you were getting help that you were gonna be ok. You’re the strongest person I’ve ever known.”

I feel tears trickle down my cheeks. “I have another session this afternoon with Dr. Nguyen. She wants Nick to be there and I want him to be there but I’m worried he’ll back out.”

From behind me, I hear Nick say, “I won’t back out Jessi.”

I look over my shoulder. He looks overwhelmed. I say, “Hanna Jo, let me call you back this evening ok?”

She knows something’s going on. “If you don’t call me, I’m on the first flight out tomorrow, I promise you this.”

I hang up, struggling to stand. I waddle over to Nick and say, “What’s wrong?”

He drops the bags in his hands and reaches for me. He cups my face gently and whispers, “You really want to be with me?”

I nod slowly. “I’ve always wanted to be with you Nick…even when I thought it was just for sex.”

We both wince at that word. He wipes the tears from my cheeks. “I love you.”

I smile up at him. “I love you too.”

He takes a deep breath. “What time do you call Dr. Nguyen?”

I glance at the clock. “In about an hour, why?”

He slowly lowers his hands from my face and bends to pick up the groceries. “Because I want to talk to you about you working.”

I follow him into the kitchen. He’s basically taken over the house. He does all the cooking and cleaning. I perch on a chair and say, “You were listening a long time.”

He blushes. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to be sneaky. I was gonna leave you alone until you asked Hanna Jo to help you find a job.” After putting away the perishable food, he joins me at the table. “I don’t want you to work Jessi. I want you to be home with Haley Jo. I’ll take care of you.”

Before I can say anything, my phone rings. Nick runs into the living room and grabs it, bringing it back to me. I connect the call, all while reeling from his declaration. “Hello Dr. Nguyen, I thought I was supposed to call you in an hour.”

She laughs. “I had a cancellation and I was hoping if you’re free we can have our session. My daughter has a recital tonight.”

I start to push myself to my feet. Nick is there to help me. “Of course, I’ll sign on now.”

I hear papers rustling. “Will Nick be there?”

I look up at Nick and say, “He will.”

I can feel the warmth of her smile. “Good. You’ve come a long way, Jessi. And with your permission, I’d like to explain some things to Nick.”

As I’m logging on to have my Skype therapy session, I say, “Of course you can.”


Once we’re settled at the desk, Nick grabs my pillow. I gratefully lean forward so he can arrange it against the small of my back. Dr. Nguyen looks at Nick and says, “I’m glad you’ve agreed to this, Nick. I think you’ll be surprised at what I’m going to tell you.”

He looks at me and then back to the screen. “What do you mean?”

She smiles, opening my folder. “Jessi has given me permission to share some things with you. I think it’s important that you know so you can decide what it is you really want to do with your future.”

I can tell he’s nervous. “I don’t think I understand.”

She nods, looking at me. “Are you ready Jessi?” I only nod, knowing if I speak I just might chicken out. She puts on her glasses. “Good. So Nick, the first time I saw Jessi, it was to help her cope with the rape.” She’s very matter of fact, which is good. She doesn’t give Nick time to dwell on anything. She continues in a more conversational tone. “I’m not going to give you details because frankly, the details don’t matter. What does matter is what I learned in my sessions with Jessi.”

I can see Nick is pale as a ghost. I reach for his hand, surprised that he lets me take it. “I don’t…understand.”

She nods. “I know you don’t. So let me explain.” He nods and she says, “Nick, the one thing that came through loud and clear during all my sessions with Jessi is that she loves you. She’s always loved you and she always will. She was hurt for a while because in the heat of the moment she thought you were just like all the other men that sexually abused her.” After a lengthy pause, she says, “I had spoken at length to Mr. Westcott about what happened at the bank and about the assault on the boat.”

I look at her, utterly shocked. “You knew?”

She nods. “I did. But I didn’t want to tell you I knew.”

I squeeze Nick’s hand. “Why?”

She flips to another page in her file. “Jessi, what do you remember about our first sessions?”

I start to blush. “I was mad…furious. I screamed and I cried.”

She nods. “You did…and through it all you kept saying ‘I love him’. Over and over. It was like a mantra to keep you grounded. Even though you thought your husband had given you to another man, you loved him.” I look down at my lap. Nick tries to pull his hand away but I don’t let him. “Jessi, in your heart you knew he would never had given you to any man for any reason. You were so lost because you couldn’t find the explanation on your own. And it was important that Hanna Jo be the one to tell you.” She turns her attention to Nick. “Nick, can you tell me why you didn’t tell her about Hanna Jo and her family being kidnapped.”

I hear him sigh. I look over at him but he won’t look at me. He stares at the desk. “I knew if she knew the truth, she’d give Donnie what he wanted. And I didn’t want him to win that way. I knew she’d hate herself forever but she would have slept with him to protect Hanna Jo. I thought…I thought if she blamed me, she’d be brave enough to fight him.” I watch the tears fall from his eyes. “I knew she’d probably never forgive me, but I wanted her to fight.”

I glance at Dr. Nguyen. She’s watching Nick. “She did fight Nick. She’s still fighting him. What happened to her was horrific, but she’s healing. She’s doing very well in accepting what happened and moving on.” She looks at me. “You are Jessi. You have this uncanny knack for letting things go.”

I shake my head. “No I don’t. I never felt like I was good enough to be Nick’s wife. My past, the things I did…”

Dr. Nguyen shakes her head. “I’m not talking about your own choices, Jessi. I’m talking about the things other people made you do. You don’t blame them, you blame yourself. You take the blame for other’s actions and you shouldn’t. Yes, you made the decision, but you were backed into a corner and you weren’t given much of a choice.” She pauses. “Think about why you fought Donnie. Why you’re still fighting him now.”

My mouth drops open. “I…he was going to hurt Nick and Hanna Jo. Even before that night…He was going to hurt the people I love most and I wasn’t going to let him do it.” I turn to Nick. “I…couldn’t stand the thought of him ruining your life because of the choices I made in the past.”

Nick struggles to speak. Finally, he says, “My career didn’t matter Jessi. Only you mattered and I couldn’t make you understand that.”

Dr. Nguyen butts in. “She couldn’t understand because she was filled with self-loathing.” After a lengthy pause she says, “Jessi, I’ll be honest with you, you hated yourself so much, I fully expected you to tell me you had tried to commit suicide.”

My heart is pounding. Nick reaches for me. I stare at Dr. Nguyen. “I did hate myself…but I never even considered…”

She smiles. “And I’m glad you didn’t. But your whole life you’ve been disappointed with yourself because of things you couldn’t control. You’re a survivor. You’ve survived two rapes, being sexually molested and being blackmailed. That happened because you’re a strong person.” She turns to Nick. “I get the feeling Nick, that you’re not as strong…you did try to commit suicide at one point, didn’t you?”

I gasp, turning to look fully at Nick. He’s staring at the desk again. “I don’t…”

I reach for him with both hands. “Nick, look at me. LOOK at me.” When his eyes meet mine, I see a torrent of emotion. “Don’t you EVER…OH!”

I gasp as my body is racked with pain. Nick grabs me. “Jessi?”

Dr. Nguyen is concerned. “Jessi, what happened?”

I gasp for air as my stomach clenches. “I don’t think this is a gas bubble.”

Nick glances at the computer. Dr. Nguyen says, “Call for an ambulance. Now!”

As Nick runs for his phone, I look up at her. “Dr. Nguyen, thank you.”

She smiles. “Our sessions will continue, but I think you’re going to be alright. Especially with your husband back where he belongs.”

Faithfully
Chapter 16
By Dottie
Copyright 2016


After several hours at the hospital and much to Nick’s chagrin, I’m sent home and put on complete bed rest. Due to my small size, my body is breaking down from carrying Haley Jo. Right now, her estimated weight is almost 4 pounds. I’m definitely having a C-section…I just have to try to make it another 4 weeks.

Once I’m settled in bed, Nick hovers by my side. “What do you need?”

I glance around. “I need to call Hanna Jo before she gets on a plane.”

Nick smiles. “Too late. She and AJ will be here by dawn.”

I sigh. “She’ll drive me crazy.”

He nods. “Yeah, I figured. But once she sees you’re ok, AJ is going to try to make her go home.”

I grab his hand. “Are you ok?”

He nods. “I am now that I know you are.”

He tries to pull away but I won’t let him. “Nick, I don’t mean about Haley Jo, I mean about us. Are you ok?”

I can see he’s struggling to find the words. Finally, he says, “I’m scared Jessi.”

I fight to control the tremor in my voice. “I am too, Nick. But when I try to imagine my life without you…” I take a shaky breath. “Did you really try to kill yourself?”

He manages to loosen my grip on his hand and he stands. While he paces around the room, he mutters, “Not consciously. I think I just…I didn’t do what the doctors said when I got out of the hospital.” He turns his back and looks out the window. “I started drinking…constantly. My heart was gone…I didn’t want to live my life without you so I thought I’d do everything in my power to end it…but I couldn’t do it.”

I swallow hard, his confession scaring me. “Why Nick?”

He turns. “I kept hoping some day you’d forgive me.”

Before I can stop him, he’s out the door at almost a run. I want to go after, but I can’t. If I stand, I could go into labor. I lean against the headboard and let the tears flow freely. I can see how guilty he feels. I don’t know how I’ll convince him I forgive him, but I have to find a way. I need him. I love him. Our baby will need us both.

I grab my phone and text him. “Please come back.”

It takes half an hour for him to come back. When I see him standing in the door, I whisper, “Are you ok?”

He shrugs. “I’m sorry Jessi. I shouldn’t have told you that.”

I hold out my hand. “Nick, come over here.” I can see him fighting it. “Please?”

He walks over slowly and perches on the edge of the bed. I grab his hand and I place it on my stomach. “Nick, this baby is going to need us both. I’m not saying we’re going to be ok overnight, but we both have to try. I want Haley Jo to know the greatest man I’ve ever known…you…her Daddy.”

I watch his face as he stares at my stomach. His hand moves slowly across it, following her movements. Tears sting my eyes but I don’t let them fall. He looks up at me. “I’ve always loved you Jessi.”

I smile. “I know. I’ve always loved you Nick.”

He scoots closer and moves his hand. For several minutes we watch as Haley Jo’s hands and feet push out. When they do, he covers them, letting her know he’s there. Finally, he looks up. “What can I do for you?”

I struggle to breathe. “Nick, there’s one thing I want more than anything…please don’t say no.”

He meets my gaze. “I’ll do anything for you Jessi.”

I cover his hand on my stomach. “I want…I want you to marry me again. Before Haley Jo is born. I want to be your wife.”


Nick’s POV

Jessi’s been sleeping for a few hours. AJ called to tell me their flight had landed and they’d be arriving soon. I made a pot of coffee and waited, watching the sun come up over the horizon.

Yes, I was awake all night. Jessi floored me. I told her I’d do it, but I don’t know if I can. I want her to be my wife more than anything in this world, but I don’t know if she really wants me. I think she feels guilty because of what Donnie did to me. But how could I say no? I’d give her anything.

I see the car stop in front of the house and I can’t help but smile watching as AJ jumps out. He reaches into the back to get Todd and tears sting my eyes. He’s so happy. And I can see why. Hanna Jo is right by his side. She’s changed so much. She’s confident and from where I stand, she’s a hell of a wife and mother.

I open the door as they start up on the porch. She drops the diaper bag and her purse and grabs me in a warm embrace. “I’m so glad you’re here Nick!”

I squeeze her tightly. “You look great Hanna Jo.”

We part slowly and she whispers, “You look like hell.”

We all laugh and I manage to quip, “It’s been a rough day. Come in.”

Once they are inside, AJ plucks his son from the car seat. “Nick, I’d like you to meet Todd…your godson.”

When he places the sleeping baby in my arms I almost panic. But the minute I look into his face, I feel a sort of peace wash over me. I snuggle him close and say, “Thank God he looks like Hanna Jo.”

We all laugh and he mutters, “Asshole. How’s Jessi?”

I look up. “She was sleeping last time I checked. She’s been in a lot of pain. I don’t know how she’ll make it four weeks.”

Hanna Jo kisses my cheek. “I’m going to stay here and help you with her.”

From upstairs, I hear Jessi call out, “Nick?”

I sigh and say, “Another bathroom break.” I put Todd back in AJ’s arms and say, “Come on Ho Jo…I think she’s gonna be happy to see you.”


When we get to the bedroom, Jessi is on her side with her eyes closed. I smile at Hanna Jo and say, “What’s wrong Jessi?”

She grimaces. “I need to pee. I’m so sick of just laying here. I constantly need to pee.”

Hanna Jo puts her hand on my back and says, “Well, get used to it Sister.”

Jessi’s eyes fly open and she smiles brightly. “Ho Jo! When did you get here?”

Hanna Jo bends down to kiss her forehead. “About five minutes ago.”

I step closer to the bed. “Why don’t I get you to the bathroom and then you and Hanna Jo can talk.”

Jessi looks up at me critically. “Did you sleep any?”

I manage to smirk and lie smoothly. “Yes, I did. Now, do you want help or do you want to pee in the bed?”

She sticks her tongue out at me. “You’re a lousy liar Carter. Promise me you’ll sleep?”

Hanna Jo watches us with surprise on her face. She mutters, “He will. AJ and I are here to help.”

I scoop Jessi up into my arms. She looks at Hanna Jo. “Can you get me a bottle of water Ho Jo?”

As Hanna Jo leaves, I carry Jessi into the bathroom and help her do what needs to be done. When she’s back in bed, she whispers, “Get some rest Nick. Please?”

I can’t stop myself from smiling at her. “I will if you promise to have them wake me up if you need anything.”

She touches my cheek. “I promise.”

I wait for Hanna Jo to come back before I leave the room. When I get to the living room, AJ is asleep on the couch with Todd lying on his chest. I cover them up and go to my room. I sit on the bed wondering what to do. Should I really marry Jessi? I grab my phone and find Dr. Nguyen’s number. Now that Jessi gave her permission to talk to me, I want to know everything. I want to know I’m making the right decision. I want Jessi to be my wife. I want to start living my life again. With my family.

Faithfully
Chapter 17
By Dottie
Copyright 2016

Jessi’s POV

Once I’m settled on the bed, Nick beats a hasty retreat and Hanna Jo sits down gingerly by my side. “Jessi, are you?”

I rub my stomach and make my fearful confession. “I don’t know Ho Jo. I want to be strong for Haley Jo but I’m scared. What if I don’t make it? What if she…?”

Hanna Jo cuts me off. “Stop right there. No negative thoughts Jessi. She’s going to be fine and so are you.”

I give her a watery smile. “You better be right Hanna Jo. She may end up being the only thing I have left.”

Hanna Jo grabs my hand. “What are you talking about?”

I sniffle. “Nick. I can’t get him to believe I forgive him for what happened. I just want…I want him to marry me before Haley Jo is born. He said he would but I don’t think he will. What am I going to do?”

She doesn’t say anything for a minute. Then she whispers softly, “Are you SURE Jessi?”

I nod. “Hanna Jo even when it happened and I thought I hated him, I couldn’t stop loving him. Dr. Nguyen told me I kept repeating it like a mantra…I love him. And I do. I know it wasn’t fair to ask him to marry me but I so desperately need to be his wife again.” A sharp pain stabs at my back and I gasp.

Hanna Jo jumps. “What is it? Jessi, are you ok?”

I pant through the spasm until it subsides. “Just a muscle cramp I hope. It’s already gone.”

She sits and grabs my hand. “Are you sure it wasn’t a contraction?”

I nod, fearful. “Yes, it wasn’t like the pains before. It’s already gone.”

She reaches up to brush my hair back. “You tell me if it happens again.”

I nod. “Hanna Jo, was I unfair to Nick when I asked him to marry me?”

She shrugs. “I’m the wrong person to ask, Jess. I mean if you want to marry him and spend the rest of your life with him, I’m all for it. But if it’s because of what Donnie did…

I cut her off. “Ho Jo, can I tell you about Donnie?”

She looks scared. “What do you mean?”

I give her a small smile. “We’re not going to talk about what he did to me or Nick because frankly, you don’t need to know. But…I want to tell you something I learned from Dr. Nguyen.”

She nods slowly. “OK. But before you start, do you want me to get you anything? I want to change clothes and get more comfortable.”

I smile at her. “Take your time, Ho Jo. I’m not going anywhere.” As she stands to leave, I say, “Please make sure Nick rests. I’m worried about him.”


Half an hour later she’s back with a tray of food and two cups of herbal tea. I wrinkle up my nose and say, “Ho Jo, you know I don’t drink hot tea.”

She rolls her eyes. “You never change do you? What would you like? And don’t say Coke. Not happening.”

I giggle. “How about chocolate milk?”

She nods. “OK, I’ll go get it. And just so you know, Nick is in bed sleeping. I made AJ look in on him. If you need anything, AJ is downstairs sacked out with Todd. Just you and me.”

After we eat and I’ve had my fill of chocolate milk, she puts the tray on the dresser and comes back to the bed. For the first time in a long time it’s just me and Hanna Jo. If I start crying, she’ll flip out. Instead, she stretches out on the bed beside me and says, “Why don’t you sleep? I’m not going anywhere.”

I laugh. “Well neither am I…but…can we talk for a few minutes? I need to do this while Nick is asleep.”

She looks almost scared. “What’s going on Jessi?”

I sigh. “Donnie. The big fucking creep. Ho Jo, all this therapy I’ve been in isn’t because I was raped. That was…that was the least of the problems.”

Her mouth drops open. “What?”

I sigh. “Donnie spent months after me. What he did…it wasn’t…I expected it when I saw him. I knew deep in my soul he was going to do despicable things to me…and I was ok with it because I knew Nick and you and AJ would help me make the bastard pay. So I took it. I fought him but…I knew I couldn’t stop him and the biggest part of me needed to survive so Thad could put him away.”

She gasps. “Jessi!”

I cut her off. “Hanna Jo, I’ve been in therapy because I couldn’t come to terms with Nick just giving me to him. It wasn’t Donnie that broke me down…it was thinking Nick had betrayed me.”

She sniffles and wipes her eyes. “I wish I could have told you. Thad said we couldn’t. You refused to talk about it. He said you threatened to disappear if he pushed it.”

I nod. “I did. I was…livid…but more than that, my heart was shattered. I had been through so much already because of Donnie and Paul and what happened at the bank. Every time I thought my past was laid to rest, it reared its ugly head. I couldn’t take it anymore. I had a serious breakdown when I got to Australia. Dr. Nguyen put me on a suicide watch for two months.” I ignore her struggle to say something and push on. “Then we come here and I find out Nick tried to kill himself.”

Silence reigns in the room. She’s horrified and I’m…I’m angry. Donnie almost cost me everything I hold dear to my heart. Hanna Jo reaches for my hand. “Jessi…Dear Lord, what you’ve been through isn’t fair. None of it. If there’s anyone in this world that deserves a happily ever after, it’s you.”

I give her a watery smile. “I still have a chance for that Hanna Jo. But Nick needs to accept the fact that we can’t change what Donnie did. But we can pick up the pieces and start over.”

She squeezes my hand. “You really want it, don’t you?”

I nod slowly. “I do Ho Jo. I want to marry that man and be tied to him in every conceivable way for the rest of my life but he doesn’t want it too.”

She sobs. “Jessi, he does!”

I shake my head. “No. No, he said he’d marry me to placate me, but he doesn’t want it Hanna Jo. Donnie took the one thing that I loved more than anything in this world. It wasn’t about the rape…he took Nick from me. And I can’t get him back!”

She pulls me closer to her and I cry on her shoulder. Until I said it I kept hoping I could make it work with Nick. That he’d believe me when I said I forgave him. But he won’t. I saw it in his eyes. He’ll never be able to be what I need…because Donnie killed my Nick and all that’s left is a shell. He barely looks at me. I can see his skin crawl when he touches me. He hates himself for what Donnie did to me and deep in my heart I know as soon as Haley Jo is born and I’m settled in Canada with Hanna Jo and AJ he’s gonna run. He’s gonna disappear and I’ll never see him again.

Faithfully
Chapter 18
By Dottie
Copyright 2016

AJ’s POV

Yes, I’m a total asshole but I really don’t care. I’m shamelessly eavesdropping outside Jessi’s bedroom door. I wasn’t going to. I was just going to let my wife know I was going to go shopping. With four adults to feed, we’ll need more food. Plus Todd is going to need diapers. The little shit poops about every ten minutes…but God knows I love my son.

When I heard Jessi’s confession I swear I started crying to. She’s sobbing, I know Hanna Jo is trying to calm her down, and my best friend is faking sleep. What the hell am I going to do? Well, first things first, since Nick is being a jerk, he can go shopping with me. Once we’re alone, we’re having it out. One way or another he’s going to commit or cut Jessi loose. She’s been through hell…any woman that can survive what she has deserves a little happiness.

When I get to Nick’s room, I find him lying in bed playing with his phone. Trying to keep my voice down, I say, “Come on Nick.”

He glances at me, sitting up quickly. “What? What’s wrong? Is Jessi…?”

I shake my head. “She’s fine. This place needs food and you and I need to talk. Come on.”

Nick stands. “AJ, I can’t leave. She’s not supposed to walk.”

I shake my head. “OK, I forgot that part. Just…come downstairs with me. It’s important. I need to talk to you.”

I walk away, knowing he’s following me. Once we’re in the kitchen, I say, “Nick, I don’t know what you plan on doing, but I swear by all that’s Holy if you walk out on Jessi now, I’ll never speak to you again.”

He lowers his head. “She’s better off without me. Look what I did.”

I cut him off. “Yes, look what you did. You saved my life, my wife’s life, my son’s life and my mom’s life. And believe me, I know how fucking hard it was for you to make that choice. But can you imagine how Jessi would feel if you hadn’t? If Hanna Jo had died, she would have damned you to the depths of hell.”

He shakes his head. I watch him turn away from me so I can’t see the tears falling from his eyes. “Listen, I know what you’re trying to do but that doesn’t change the fact that I allowed that bastard to touch my wife.”

I grab his arm and spin him around to face me. “Nick, right now she’s lying up there crying her eyes out because of what Donnie did to you! Not because of what he did to her! She can survive that and she is! She’s putting that fucker away for LIFE! But if you bail on her now…if you run, he fucking gets exactly what he wants. Her body and your destruction! Dammit all to hell Nick, she NEEDS you. She wants to be your wife and be a family so he CAN’T win! Are you going to take that away from her?”

I watch his mouth fall. “AJ…how can I face her?”

I shake my head. “Well you don’t fucking run from her. She loves you and she needs you. She wants to be your wife. Even if you don’t share a bed, you can give her that. Get help. Go to therapy. Make a fucking effort. Don’t just cut bait and run. That’s not you Nick. That’s not the person you convinced Jessi to be in Australia. You wouldn’t let her run from you, but you’re damn sure trying to run from her. Don’t do it.”

I can see the light go on in his head. He knows I’m right. He looks up at me. “What if she decides she doesn’t want me with her? I don’t know if I can live through losing her again.”

I shake my head. “You won’t. I just stood outside that bedroom door and I heard her fall apart. She’s not upset about the rape…she’s upset because she lost you. You can help her move on. You both can help each other, but you have to try Nick. You have to step up and be the same man that promised to love her forever. Are you going to do that?”

He stares at me intently. Part of my thinks he’s going to run, but the bigger part…the part that knows my best friend better than he knows himself knows he’s going to fight for Jessi. “What should I do?”

I can’t stop the goofy smile that crosses my face. “Call Thad. Find out how we can get a marriage license and minister with her on complete bed rest. He’s a lawyer…I know he’ll find a way.


When Hanna Jo brings their breakfast dishes back to the kitchen, she sits on my lap and kisses my cheek. “Thanks for taking care of Todd.”

I hug my wife to me, thankful she is who she is. Ever since I met her, my world has changed. She gave me love…she gave me joy…she gave me my son. She’s blossomed into a vibrant, loving, sexy-as-hell woman and I can’t wait for the day I can crawl in bed and make love to her again. But that’s a few weeks away.

I brought back into the moment when she says, “Alex, what’s wrong?”

I kiss her cheek. “Nothing Babe. Just thinking about Nick.”

Her eyes cloud over. “Did you tell him what she said?”

My mouth drops. “You knew I was listening?”

She giggles. “Alex, you couldn’t tiptoe if it saved your life. You have a heavy foot-fall. So did you tell him?”

I shrug. “Not word for word. But I made him stop and think about things. I don’t think he’ll run…not now.”

She frowns. “He can’t run. She’ll be devastated.”

I put my head on her shoulder. “We can’t force him to stay either. He has to want to be with her or it won’t work.”

I can tell she’s crying without seeing her face. “It’s not fair Alex. Jessi has never had a chance at true love. When she met Nick, she found it and now it’s being ripped away from her.” In a low, almost primal growl, she mutters, “Donnie Wahlberg is a bastard and he’s taking away the only man Jessi has ever loved. It’s not fucking fair!”

I can’t help myself. “Jessi’s right. No matter how many lessons I give you, it’s still odd to hear you cuss.”

She sighs. “I know. I’m hopeless.”

I lean back and say, “No you’re not. You’re my Hanna Banana…and for you, the only place cussing actually sounds normal is during sex.”

She laughs at me, hugging my neck. With her mouth close to my ear she whispers, “You like hearing me say fuck, don’t you?”

I groan, my dick starting to harden. “Stop it Woman. I can’t do the things I wanna do with you for a couple more weeks.”

I feel her bite my earlobe and my erection starts to ache. “Maybe when Nick takes over watching Jessi I can suck your cock. Would you like that Big Mac?”

I grab her hair and pull her head back. After a kiss that leaves us both breathless, I whisper, “I love you Hanna Jo McLean. Don’t you EVER doubt that.”

Faithfully
Chapter 19
By Dottie
Copyright 2016

Jessi’s POV

Nick’s been gone all day. AJ and Hanna Jo keep telling me he’s sleeping but I know they are lying. He’s hiding from me. He’s disgusted at the sight of me and doesn’t want to be here. It’s so unfair of me to make him stay, but I’m desperate. Desperate to keep the one thing Donnie always wanted to take from me. My Nick.

Haley Jo kicks my ribs and I grimace, rubbing my stomach. “That hurts little girl, stop it.”

The door opens and Nick is standing there. “What hurts? What’s wrong?”

I can’t stop staring at him. He looks different. I can’t say happy, but the spark is back in his eyes. I fight to control my voice as I whisper, “Haley Jo kicks hard.”

He walks over and sits down gently beside me. “Is there anything I can do?”

Having him this close makes my heart race. “I…umm…no. I’ll be ok.”

He reaches for my hand and I almost panic. He’s been avoiding any kind of contact with me. Is this his way of saying goodbye? Before I can voice my fears, he says, “What can I do to help you Jessi?”

Before I can control my tongue, I whisper, “Marry me again.” His eyes widen slightly before he looks away. I bite my lip, turning my head. “I’m sorry Nick.”

I can’t stop the tears from falling. And I nearly jump out of my skin when Nick reaches out and brushes them away. My gaze flies back to his and he whispers, “I will marry you.”

My heart pounds a sad beat. “But you don’t want to, do you? You’re just doing it to placate me.”

He shakes his head. “At first, that’s why I said yes. But not now. Jessi I do want to marry you. I’ve always wanted to be tied to you in every way possible for the rest of my life. I just…after what happened I just didn’t think you’d ever speak to me again. I was sure you’d hate me.”

With my hand still wrapped up in his, I whisper, “For a while Nick I thought I did hate you. But it was because I didn’t understand. Now that I do…it doesn’t make what Donnie did go away. But it makes me understand why you said what you said. It made me realize you were always the man I fell in love with. You knew what I’d need to survive. And I did. I survived. I grew stronger. And I’m having your baby.”

His thumb rubs over my knuckles and my heart melts. “I’ve always loved you Jessi. And I always will. But it’s going to take time…”

I reach up with my other hand, placing my fingertips on his lips. “I’m not going anywhere.”

He kisses my fingertips before whispering, “Jessi, I’ll do whatever I can to make you happy. I know you want me to WANT to marry you. And I do. Being your husband is the only thing in this life I’ve ever truly wanted. But…I’m not the same man I was.”

I stroke his face, wishing he’d shave off his thick beard. “I’m not the same either. We both have to learn to accept ourselves and each other for what we are. I’m a woman that’s been raped twice and had her whole life violently ripped away from her. Donnie took you from me that night. It’s never been about him raping me. That meant nothing. He wanted to break you…break us…and he almost succeeded. That’s why I was so devastated.”

He cups my hand, pressing it into his face. “I could kill him for what he did to you.” I want to sit up and hold him. When I try, he grips my shoulders and holds me down. “Whoa, where do you think you’re going?”

With tears in my eyes, I whisper, “I want to hold you Nick. Please. I just need to know we’re both in this together. Please.” He keeps staring at me. I know he wants to run and I know I pushed. Turning my head away from him, I whisper, “I’m sorry.”

I feel the sobs taking over. I can’t stop myself from hiccupping. I’m so distraught, I don’t even realize Nick has kicked off his shoes and is climbing into bed with me. When he’s stretched out beside me, he slides his hand over my stomach. “Don’t cry Jessi.”


We lay together quietly for a long time, but it only feels like a fraction of a minute. Nick kisses my temple and whispers, “Jessi, did you mean it when you said you wanted to get married before the baby comes?”

I can’t look at him because I’ll fall apart again. Keeping my eyes closed I whisper, “Yeah, but I know it’s impossible.”

He puts his head against mine and murmurs, “No it’s not. It will just take a few days.”

I gasp and open my eyes. “What? You…why…”

He smiles and I just melt. “I called Thad. He made some calls and I did some leg work. He’ll be here tomorrow to get the license in order then after the three-day waiting period a minister will come and perform the ceremony.”

My heart races. “Really? You mean it? We can…” My happiness bursts like a balloon. “But Nick do you really want…”

He shocks me when he leans down and softly kisses my lips. “I promise Jessi. I really want to marry you.”


Hanna Jo’s POV

I can’t stop myself from crying. I came to check on Jessi and heard her talking to Nick. It’s really happening. They really are going to get married and work things out. I tiptoe away from the door before sprinting down the stairs. Alex has just buckled Todd into his bouncy seat. When he stands I throw myself into his arms and whisper, “I love you with all my heart Alexander James McLean!”

He holds me tightly. “I love you too, Hanna Banana. What brought this on?”

I squeeze his neck and whisper excitedly, “Whatever you said to Nick worked. He’s going to marry her! He called Thad, he’s working it out! How did you do it Alex? Tell me!”

He kisses my cheek and says, “I used a little shock therapy. Jessi will never ask him to stay, even though it would kill her to let him go. He needed to know that if he left, Wahlberg would win. He would have reached his ultimate goal; he had Jessi, even though it was rape, and he broke up their relationship. Nick needed to know that if he left, in Jessi’s eyes, Wahlberg would have won. I don’t even know if Haley Jo could help her recover from that.”

I stand in his arms, my tears soaking his shirt. “I hate that man so much! I’ve never known that much evil could dwell inside one person.”

My loving husband brushes my hair from my face and wipes the tears from my eyes. “The evil didn’t win Baby. That’s all that matters.”

My hands rest on his waist and I whisper, “I love you. Thank you for loving Jessi enough to tell Nick. I couldn’t. She wouldn’t let me.”

He kisses my nose. “I love you too. But I didn’t only do it for Jessi. Nick needs her. He’s my brother and God knows I love him. I was losing him and I knew it. I seriously was afraid someone would call one day and tell me they found his body. I was scared.”

I lay my head on his chest. “I prayed every night for him. I was scared too.”

He rubs my back and sighs deeply. “I finally get the connection between you and Jessi. It’s what I have with Nick. He’s my closest friend and sometimes my worst enemy because he never let me bullshit him. I can’t imagine a life without him in it.”

I kiss his neck and whisper, “We don’t have to Big Mac. We have them back. We just have to take care of them a little while longer.”

Leaning back, he cups my face and whispers, “We’re a family. It’s what we do.”

Faithfully
Chapter 20
By Dottie
Copyright 2016

Nick’s POV

Well, we’re married again. The ceremony was last week. Jessi seems calmer. More at ease. She’s feeling better. Me? I’m a basket case. I mean, I’m happy we’re married, but Dr. Nguyen warned me that after Haley Jo’s birth, Jessi could very well have a setback tied to post partum depression. She’s trying to prepare me and Jessi for it, but I’m not so sure I’m going to be able to handle it.

Today will be a testament to that. We’re doing a group therapy session with AJ and Hanna Jo. Dr. Nguyen wants to test the waters with Jessi about what might have happened if I had told her the truth. That Donnie’s men were holding Hanna Jo, AJ and Denise hostage. I volunteered to step out of the room…to be honest I don’t want to know what Jessi would have done. It’s bad enough I have to live the rest of my life knowing that bastard raped my wife.

I’m sitting in the living room playing one of the dozen video games AJ brought to keep us occupied when Hanna Jo calls out, “Nick, can you come up?”

I sprint up the steps quickly, thinking Jessi might need a bathroom break. Even though AJ is willing to help, she prefers me. I can’t help but be happy that she knows I’ll do whatever she needs until our daughter is born. I’m her husband. It’s my job.

When I step into the bedroom, I know that’s not the case. Hanna Jo looks ready to vomit, AJ is pale as a ghost and Jessi is practically sobbing. “What the hell is going on?”

From the computer, Dr. Nguyen says, “Calm down Nick. I told you this would be rough. Jessi is learning about what happened to AJ and Hanna Jo. She’s a bit distraught.”

From the bed Jessi growls, “A bit? That piece of shit was going to KILL them! He had them on a boat loaded with explosives. How the hell am I NOT supposed to be distraught.”

Ignoring my own best judgment, I go to the bed and sit beside. “You need to calm down Jessi. Think about Haley Jo.”

She jerks away from me. “I AM! She never would have known Hanna Jo if you had…if he…” She starts to hyperventilate.

Hanna Jo sits on the other side of the bed and takes her hand. “Calm down Jessi. This isn’t good for you or the baby.”

Jessi jerks away from her too. “Stop it! Just stop it! If I want to hate the bastard, I can. If I want to be pissed off and yell I can. DAMMIT HE TRIED TO STEAL MY LIFE!”

We all sit quietly, not sure what to say. Dr. Nguyen clears her throat and says, “Jessi, he didn’t steal your life and he’s going to pay.”

Jessi stares at the computer sitting on the nightstand. “It’s not enough. It won’t ever be enough.”

AJ moves to sit beside Hanna Jo, putting his arm around her. “Jessi, you know, I think I get what Dr. Nguyen is trying to say.” Looking at the screen he says, “Can I try to explain it?”

The doctor nods. “Please, I’d like to know what you’re getting from this session.”

AJ rubs Hanna’s back with one hand and reaches for Jessi’s with the other. “Jessi, I told Hanna Jo last week I finally get your relationship. The deep-seated love you feel for each other is something no one can truly understand unless they feel it. I feel that same connection with Nick.”

I turn to him, my mouth dropping. “Bone…”

He shakes his head and says, “If you tell ANY of the fellas I said this…” Everyone in the room chuckles uncomfortably before he continues. “Nick, we’ve both faced demons and got through it. We grew closer because of it. A lot of your problems you got from me. I came to realize over the last few months that I love you more than anyone in this world, besides Hanna Jo and Todd. You truly are my brother and for a while there, I lived in fear I’d get that call that your body was found.”

Jessi gasps. I grab her hand and whisper, “Don’t. Jessi, I wouldn’t…”

AJ cuts me off. “Jessi, I believe you when you say you forgive him for his choice. One day he will believe it. It’s going to take time. But if you keep holding on to the anger for Donnie, we’ll never all move on.” He looks at the doctor. “You’re trying to tell her the only way she’s going to truly beat Donnie once and for all is to let go of the anger and embrace life. Her life with Nick, Hanna Jo, the kids and me. We have to all just let it go and be thankful we were strong enough to get through it.”

Dr. Nguyen nods. “That is what I want her to understand AJ. But she’s not the only one that has to let go. Nick, you have to let it go too. What you did you were forced to do. It’s not your fault what Donnie did to Jessi. It’s no one’s fault but his. Until you all truly forgive yourselves for your choices, Jessi will never be able to let this go and some part of her will always believe Donnie won.”

I can’t stop looking at Jessi. She whispers softly, “I love you Nick. Please don’t let him win.”

My heart is pounding in my chest. I still hate myself most of the time. But what they are telling me makes so much sense. With her hand in mine, I whisper hoarsely, “I do love you Jessi. And I don’t want him to win. I won’t let him win and I won’t let you go. I promise.”

She starts to cry harder, gripping my hand. I lower my head, pulling her hand up to my lips. I love this woman completely. I will fight for her with every breath in my body because she deserves it. AJ and Hanna Jo are crying on each other’s shoulders. Today was a major breakthrough for us all. Our family is finally together again.

We’re all completely over emotional so none of us realize when Jessi’s tears become something else. Well, Dr. Nguyen noticed. “Jessi? Jessi, what’s the matter?”

I lift my head to meet her gaze and she whispers, “I think my water broke.”

It’s like I’m frozen. Hanna Jo jumps up. “Alex, call an ambulance. Nick…NICK!” Her stern voice pulls me from my terrified trance. “Pick her up. We need to get her into a dry gown.”

From the computer, Dr. Nguyen says, “Someone send me pictures. Congratulations. We’ll talk again in a few days.”

I scoop Jessi up in my arms. She hugs my neck and whispers, “I love you.”

I kiss her cheek and whisper, “I love you too.”


The ambulance is there in less than fifteen minutes. Haley Jo is still moving around and Jessi seems quite calm, under the circumstances. She’s watching me as the attendants get her settled on the gurney. “Nick will you do something for me?”

I nod quickly. “Anything.”

She gives me that impish smile of hers that used to set me off like a roman candle on the fourth of July. “Please shave. I don’t want Haley Jo’s first view of her daddy to be that beard.”

I just shake my head. “You never liked a beard on me, did you?”

She shakes her head. “No. It hides your smile. Please?”

AJ laughs. “He’ll shave Jessi. At the hospital. Let’s GO!”


I’ve been in my hospital bed close to three hours. Haley Jo’s heart rate has been good so they are letting me try to have a natural birth. I want to so bad I ache but I don’t think it’s going to happen. I’m not dilating enough. Finally, the doctor comes back and I whisper, “Please, I can’t take it. I just want to hold my baby, please?”

He nods gravely. “I was coming to suggest a C-section. Your frame is just too small for a natural birth and your daughter is measuring in at close to six pounds. Even though she’s early, it’s a good size.”

I grip Nick’s hand and reach for Hanna Jo’s. “Please, can they stay?”

The doctor nods. “Of course. We’re going to get you ready. It won’t be long.”

As the nurses prepare me, Nick stands close by. I look up at him and smile. “Thank you for shaving.”

He rubs his face and mutters, “Honestly, it feels better.” Moving past one of the nurses he leans down and kisses my forehead. “I love you Jessi.”

She rubs her stomach and whispers back, “I love you too. We both do.”

Faithfully,
Chapter 21
By Dottie
Copyright 2016

Jessi’s POV

The anesthesia they gave me for the C-section was mild. I’m drowsy, but I know everything that’s going on. Alex left to take Todd back to the house for a dry diaper and dry clothes. His leaky diaper didn’t make him very happy at all. Nick and Hanna Jo are right beside when the doctor comes in to begin. “OK Jessi, ready to meet Haley Jo?”

I nod quickly. “Yes! Are you sure she’s ok?”

He nods. “Everything looks good. Your blood pressure is up a bit, but not dangerous. We’ll re-assess everything after the birth.” He looks up at Nick. “Ready Dad?”

I look up at Nick and he meets my gaze. “I’m as ready as I can be.”

I smile at him and whisper, “Thank you.” I turn my eyes to Hanna Jo. “I’m glad you’re here Ho Jo. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for Todd.”

She wipes her eyes before brushing away my own tears. “Shut up Jessi.”

In less than half an hour I’m watching as my baby girl is placed on my chest. She’s screaming at the top of her lungs and I’m savoring every sound. I bring my hand up to touch her hand. “Oh you’re so beautiful.”

I barely hear the doctor say, “Nick, come here. You can cut the umbilical cord.”

I watch as they give Nick scissors and show him where to cut. I can tell he’s nervous, but I see something more. In this moment I see my Nick. The Nick I fell in love with. The Nick that drove me wild and made my heart race. I blink back tears as he reaches out and touches Haley Jo’s hand. Our eyes meet and he whispers, “Thank you.”

I manage a tired smile. “She’s going to sing like you. Listen.”

Hanna Jo chuckles. “Todd was the same way. Maybe they can work together.”

I turn to Hanna Jo. “Love you Ho Jo.”

She bends down and kisses the side of my face. “Love you too Jessi. I’m SO glad you’re back.”

I drag my gaze back to Nick as they take Haley Jo to clean her up. “I’m glad we’re all back together.” He gives me a small smile and I whisper softly, “I love you.”

He leans over me, capturing my gaze with his. For the first time in a long, long time I see love burning in his eyes again. “I love you too.” He kisses me softly. When he pulls back, he manages to murmur, “I’ll never leave you Jessi. And I’ll never ever stop loving you.”


An hour later, I’m lying in my private room with Haley Jo in my arms. She looks like Nick, although they all swear she has my nose. She weighed 5 pounds, 8 ounces and was barely 18 inches long. I play with her fingers and whisper, “You have to grow tall little girl. Life as a short person isn’t easy.”

I thought Nick was asleep in the chair by the window so when he speaks, I jump. “You’re perfect Jessi. And so is our little girl.”

I glance over at him, watching him stretch as he sits up. I smile and say, “She is perfect.”

He moves to the bed and sits beside me. I lean over enough to place her in his arms. He looks down at her and smiles. “She’s so beautiful.” Meeting my gaze, he says, “In case I forgot to say it, I’m really glad we’re here together.”

I nod, knowing what he’s saying. “I’m glad she’s not his either.” His smile fades and I whisper, “Nick, Dr. Nguyen is right. What he did to me doesn’t matter. It’s not what’s important. You and me…that’s important. Our family is important. What he did…I’m over. I just need you to forgive yourself. Please.”

He brings Haley Jo up and kisses her forehead gently. “I’m trying Jessi. It’s not easy, but I won’t lose you. I won’t allow him to win like that. It’s just going to take me time.”

I nod eagerly. “I understand. I just…please don’t give up. I don’t know if I can live without you.”

He leans closer to me and kisses me softly. “I won’t give you up Jessi.” He sits up. “So, you want to go live with Hanna Jo and AJ in Canada?”

She nods eagerly. “I do.” Her smile fades. “I’m not so sure about working with them. I think Hanna Jo and I would drive each other crazy.”

He laughs. “You don’t have to work with them. You don’t have to work at all.”

I look at him skeptically. “What are you saying?”

He moves to put Haley Jo in her bassinet. When he comes back he says, “Can I hold you Jessi? We need to talk.”

I scoot over gingerly, turning up onto my side. Once he’s stretched out beside me and I’m cradled on his chest, I look up at him and say, “What’s wrong?”

He kisses my forehead. “Nothing. I’ve been working on something with AJ.”

I see the sparkle in his eyes and I almost lose my breath. “What?”

He blinks twice before saying, “There’s a vineyard that borders their bed and breakfast. It’s for sell. Well, it was. With AJ’s help, I put in a bid and it was accepted. In a few weeks, it will be ours.”

Now I’m beyond confused. “Ours? Why? I mean…”

He chuckles. “Jessi, you’re not meant to work at a Bed and Breakfast, even though I’m sure it’s nice. You need something of your own, we both do. I know you dabbled at making your own wine before we met. Well, now we’re going to do it on a grander scale.”

My mouth drops. “What? We’re what?”

He laughs at me. “The winery is established. We’ll keep producing as they have been, but when you’re ready, we’re going to make new wines. Our wines. Something that will be just ours. And we’ll be close to AJ and Hanna Jo. The kids can grow up together playing in the vineyard. What do you think?”

I slide my hand up his chest to his neck and I whisper, “I think it’s incredible.” He squeezes me gently and I whisper, “I love you Nick. Every part of me loves you and I will always love you.”

He kisses me before whispering, “That’s how much I love you.” He closes his eyes briefly. When he opens them, he whispers, “Jessi, I’m not saying this just so Donnie won’t win. I’m saying it because I mean it. I love you with all I have in me. My heart has been yours since I walked into that airport lounge and laid eyes on you. You stole my breath, you drove me insane, and you captured my heart.”

Tears slide down my face soaking his shirt. I whisper softly, “Nick…that’s beautiful.”

He brushes away the tears on my cheek with his thumb. “It’s the truth. YOU are beautiful.”

I lean closer and kiss him. “The vineyard sounds wonderful Nick. Thank you.”

He pulls back and looks into my eyes. I see mischief in his eyes as he says, “It’s gonna be good Jessi. For both of us. It will be fun. We’ll live our lives to the fullest just like Dr. Nguyen said we should. I promise.”

Feeling a lot braver than I have in months I slide my hand up his side and whisper, “Nick…when we’re ready…will you do something for me?” He nods firmly. I chew on my lip briefly, watching his eyes move down to my lips. When his gaze comes back to mine, I whisper, “I want to make love with you in the vineyard.”

I see the fire in his eyes again. The same passion that made me feel things I never thought I’d feel. He kisses my nose and whispers, “Anything for you, Baby. Anything for you.”

Faithfully
Chapter 22
By Dottie
Copyright 2016

Nick’s POV

And just like that, I’m right where I’m supposed to be. With my wife and daughter. Jessi and Haley Jo came home after 3 days in the hospital. After assuring AJ and Hanna Jo we’d be in Canada soon, they left and now it’s just us. Haley Jo is 12 days old and I’m thoroughly hooked on my daughter. She’s got me wrapped around her little finger and she doesn’t even know it.

Jessi, however, knows. She teases me about it. But it’s all good. For a long time I thought I’d never even see her again let alone be married to her again. I spoke to Dr. Nguyen about it. She assures me that Jessi and I belong together and the only thing we need to focus on is the future. So, for Jessi’s sake, for Haley Jo, and for me, that’s what I’m trying to do. Until…


I’m playing my guitar when a sound distracts me. I stop and listen. I feel fear rush through my veins when I realize it’s Jessi. She’s crying. I put aside my guitar and race through the house. When I get to the bedroom, she’s staring at her computer with tears streaming down her face. “Jessi, what’s wrong?”

She looks up at me. “Oh Nick!” She puts aside her computer and holds out her arms. I sit beside her and hold her close. She sobs, “I…I didn’t realize…Thad never told me…”

At the mention of Thad, I tense up. “What is it?”

She pulls away from me. “The sentencing. I saw the news; it’s going to be in a few days. They sentenced Paul a couple of days ago.”

I take her hand. “Jessi, it’s all over. They are going to pay for every ounce of pain they caused you.”

She nods. “I know…I just…I’m furious.”

My mouth drops. “What do you mean?”

She sighs. “I should have been there. I should have gone into that courtroom and faced Paul. They’ll never know they didn’t beat me if I don’t.”

I shake my head. “Jessi, what are you saying?”

She looks up at me. “I’m going to Donnie’s sentencing. I…I have to Nick. He has to know he didn’t win. He has to know he didn’t beat us.”

I feel very uneasy about this. “Baby are you sure you should? I mean…”

She sighs and pulls away to stand. “Nick I have to be there. He can’t…Paul said it was all my fault. I wasn’t there to speak at his sentencing. I have to be at Donnie’s. The judge needs to know…Donnie needs to see that no matter what happened, he didn’t fucking break me.”

I don’t know what to say. Finally I stand and move closer to her. I put my hands on her shoulders and whisper, “Whatever you need Jessi. If you want to go, I’ll go with you.”

She turns and looks up at me. “Really? You mean it? You’ll go with me?”

I nod, knowing this is why she was crying. She’s still worried I’ll run out on her. I have a lot to prove to this lady, starting now. I smile softly and whisper, “Of course I will. You think I’d let you do this all alone? Jessi, I love you. I won’t say I’m over feeling guilty about what happened to you, but…being with you is where I’m supposed to be. And if you feel this strongly about facing Donnie, well then I think we should do it together.”

She slides her arms around my waist and puts her head on my chest. “Nick, will you speak? About what he did to you?”

I can’t help but stiffen up. She steps back and I look down into her big blue eyes. “I don’t know Jessi.”

She sniffles. “Nick, Thad let me read your deposition.”

I feel the blood drain from my face. “Jessi…”

She shakes her head, tears spilling down her cheeks. From the monitor, we hear Haley Jo start to cry. She steps away from me to go take care of the baby. At the door, she turns to look at me. “Until the day I die I’ll hate Donnie Wahlberg for what he did to you. I won’t let him win. I won’t!”

I watch her run from the room, not sure what to do. I follow her to the baby’s temporary room, watching as she sits gently in the rocking chair and puts Haley Jo to her breast. She looks up at me and I whisper, “He won’t win. I’ll go and I’ll speak if you want me to.”

She holds out her hand. I walk closer and drop to my knees by her chair. She whispers, “I love you Nick. Until we’ve both purged him from our lives, we can’t move on like we want to. Do you understand?”

I nod quickly because I do understand. “For all the ways he’s hurt you…hurt us…he’s gonna pay Jessi. I’ll make sure of it.”

He leans closer and kisses me. “I love you Nick.”

I kiss her cheek, then her nose, her lips, before dipping my head and kissing the curve of her breast just above where our daughter is nursing. I kiss Haley Jo’s head before looking up at Jessi. “I love you too Jessi. I love you both. Always.”


After Haley Jo goes back to sleep, I convince Jessi to rest. While she’s napping, I call Dr. Nguyen and she agrees to a web session with me. When we’re on Skype and I explain to her what Jessi wants, she smiles proudly. “Nick, this is a good thing. Sure it’s going to be hard on her and she’ll probably be vulnerable for a while after the sentencing, but she needs to face him. I think you both do.”

I close my eyes. “I just wish I could go back and stop him.”

Dr. Nguyen’s tone of voice goes a long way to soothe me. “Nick, even if you could change what happened, it wouldn’t change the fact that Jessi needs to face what has happened to her. Not just Donnie’s attack, but what happened at the bank, and what happened to her in college. She never processed her emotions from all of that. She bottled it up inside. She has to let it out or one day it will drive her to do something drastic.”

I think my heart stopped beating. “What do you mean?”

She pauses briefly before saying, “Nick, I really can’t comment of what Jessi told me in confidence.”

From the doorway, Jessi says, “Yes you can, Dr. Nguyen. You can tell Nick everything.”

I watch as Jessi walks over to stand behind me, carrying Haley Jo. Dr. Nguyen smiles brightly. “Jessi, you look wonderful! And that baby is beautiful.”

Jessi glances at me before saying, “She looks like her Daddy.” She kisses Haley Jo’s head before saying, “Dr. Nguyen, you’ll have to tell him. I don’t think I can.”

The doctor stares at Jessi for several seconds before saying, “I will. Are you going to join our session?”

Jessi shakes her head. “No. No I’m going to take Haley Jo upstairs. I don’t…I can’t think about what almost happened. I don’t want to hear it again.”

She starts to leave and I grab her hand. “Jessi, what…”

She steps closer to me and slides her arm around my shoulders. She leans down and kisses me. “Just listen to her Nick.”

After she leaves, I turn to the screen. Dr. Nguyen says, “Nick, when Jessi made it to Australia she was hell bent on revenge. She hated everyone in the world but Hanna Jo.” I wince at her words but she pushes on. “Nick, she was just very hurt and confused. I truly believe the only person in the world she hates is Donnie Wahlberg, but not because of what he did to her.”

I shake my head. “Then what? I mean, she didn’t know about what he did to me or that he had Hanna Jo and AJ. What other reason would she have for hating him?”

Dr. Nguyen says, “She hated him because he wasn’t what she thought he should be. She never got over how he hurt her when she was 18. When you compound that with the rape in college, what Paul did to her and how Donnie treated her on the tour, she had a nervous breakdown.” After a brief pause, she says, “Nick, she almost aborted the baby and when she couldn’t, she almost committed suicide.”

I feel like I’m going to vomit. “She…no, you can’t tell me she’s…”

Dr. Nguyen shakes her head. “I don’t believe she’d ever do it Nick. Which is why I never hospitalized her. After she realized the baby was yours she had another weak moment. She was devastated that she almost aborted the pregnancy. Then she was desperate to find you. She needed you. You have always been the only person in the world, aside from Hanna Jo, that Jessi ever truly loved. If you hadn’t come back…if you didn’t marry her, I don’t know how she would have coped.”

I wipe the tears from my face. “But why? Why didn’t she hate me? God knows I hate myself for what happened to her.”

Dr. Nguyen’s gaze sharpens. “Nick, why do you hate yourself? You didn’t rape her. Donnie Wahlberg did. If you had tried to stop him, you very well could have died and he still would have raped Jessi. She’s accepted that. She knows there was no other choice. The last few weeks the only thing that’s kept her going is the knowledge that Donnie Wahlberg didn’t win.” I don’t know what to say. Finally, she says, “Nick, her going to the sentencing is a GOOD thing. It will be good for both of you.”

I stare at my wedding band on my finger. I’ve been working out since we’ve been here and I’m almost back to my normal size and my ring fits again. I think I was more bloated from the alcohol than actually overweight. Finally I tear my eyes away from the band to look at the doctor that saved my wife’s life. “How can I thank you?”

She smiles brightly. “Bring Jessi back when you can. I’d like to meet Haley Jo and I’d like to keep in touch with her. She’s a special lady.”


After promising we’ll keep in touch, I disconnect the chat and go find Jessi. She’s lying on our bed with Haley Jo beside her. Neither of them are sleeping. I stretch out on the bed on the other side of Haley Jo facing Jessi. I cover her hand on Haley Jo’s stomach as her eyes meet mine I whisper, “I love you Jessi.”

She smiles at me and sniffles. “I love you too Nick.”

I lean over and kiss her forehead. “I’ll never leave you alone again Jessi. I promise.”

She nods slowly. “I believe you Nick.” She closes her eyes. I scoot closer, putting my head against hers over Haley Jo’s. We may have a long way to go, but at least we’re together. And I know we’ll make it. My future is with Jessi and our daughter. They are my life…my world. And I will fight with every breath in me to protect them. She’ll never be hurt again.

Faithfully
Chapter 23
By Dottie
Copyright 2016

Jessi’s POV

Yesterday Dr. Nguyen told Nick I almost aborted the baby and that at one point I wanted to die. She keeps telling me I really didn’t, but she doesn’t know…no one can really know how full of self-loathing I was.

I stare at Haley Jo in her swing and I still can’t believe what I almost did. I’ve always been against abortion. But when I first found out I was pregnant, I couldn’t cope. At the time all I could think of was she was conceived from a hateful, vile, despicable act.

I think back over my life with Nick so far. I know she was conceived the night before our wedding. When he got the penthouse for us and we spent the entire night making love. Just remembering those feelings makes me ache for him to hold me…make love to me. But we can’t make love for at least another month.

As for him holding me…he does. But I can’t get him to sleep in the same bed with me. I know he’s still feeling guilty so I’m trying not to push him. It’s not easy. I wake up at night reaching for him…and when I realize he’s not there, I freak out. I haven’t told him that. I still think some part of him wants to run from me now that Haley Jo is here.

My little girl…she’s the light of my life. Looks just like her Daddy. Those big blue eyes just do me in. She’s going to be so spoiled…by Nick and me both.

I’m pulled from my thoughts when the bedroom door opens and Nick pokes his head inside. “Jessi, is your phone dead? Hanna Jo just called me because she couldn’t get you.”

I sigh. “No, I turned it off when I was rocking Haley Jo. I’ll call her.”

He holds his phone out. “Don’t bother, use mine.” As I take the phone, he says, “I’m going to run to the grocery store. What would you like for dinner?”

Biting my tongue so I won’t say ‘you’ I shrug. “Whatever you’re in the mood for.”

His eyes narrow. “You ok, Jessi?”

I smile and say, “I’m fine. Sure you won’t need your phone?”

He shakes his head. “No. The only person that calls me is AJ. Enjoy your talk with Hanna Jo.”

I put the phone to my ear as he walks away. “Hey Ho Jo, what’s up?”

She sounds worried. “Jessi, you ok?”

Sighing, I say, “Of course, why wouldn’t I be?”

She growls, “Bullshit. Why do you sound like you’ve lost your best friend?”

I can’t help but snicker. “I swear, Hanna Jo, I’ll never get used to you cussing.”

Her temper flares. “Stop it Jessi. I’m worried about you, what’s going on?”

I sigh, knowing I can’t avoid this. “It’s Nick. I don’t think he wants to be here.”

After a brief pause, she whispers, “Jessi, he does want to be with you. He just feels…guilty.”

I watch Haley Jo sleeping and whisper, “Ho Jo, why can’t we just let it all go?”

She sniffles. “We can Jess. It’s going to take time.” Another lengthy pause before she says, “Nick told Alex you want to go to the sentencing.”

Here we go another lecture. “I have to Hanna Jo. I can’t let Donnie Wahlberg think he broke me. The world should know what he did and I damn sure plan on telling them.” Before she can say anything, I mutter, “Nick said he’d go too.”

Imagine my surprise when she says, “I know. He told Alex.” Before I can line up my arguments for going, she says, “I want to go too, Jessi. Alex, Denise and I are flying into California tomorrow.”

Tears sting my eyes. “Hanna Jo, please tell me you understand.”

She chuckles. “Of course I do. I just hope you’re ready for it.”

She sounds like she knows something. “Ready for it? Ready for what?”

Sighing, she says, “Brian, Howie and Kevin will be there too.”

I fall back on the bed. “They what? Why?”

Her voice softens. “Jessi, what Donnie did to you was horrible, but he hurt us all. He broke up the group, he almost killed you and Nick, he threatened to kill Alex, Denise and me…he’s just evil. The boys have been talking and they think it’s time to let the world know what happened to the Backstreet Boys.”

I sit up. “What do you mean? What are they going to do?”

She’s quiet for a long time. I just wait. Finally she says, “After the sentencing, they are going to do an interview with Entertainment Tonight about what happened.” Before I can blink, she rushes on. “Jessi, they aren’t going to mention you, it’s just the sentencing is going to be widely publicized…”

Before she can finish her sentence, I say, “Hanna Jo, stop…listen to me.” When she stops talking, I say, “I’m not mad. I…I’m glad they are going to talk about it.”

I swear I heard her jaw drop. “Jessi? Are you sure?”

I shake my head. “No, I’m not. But there is one thing I am more than sure of. The world should know what Donnie Wahlberg is.” I lower my voice to an agonized whisper. “Hanna Jo, I’d give anything for Nick to sing to me like he used to, but he doesn’t. He won’t even touch his guitar, even though it’s here with us.” I sniffle. “I miss that. I miss him singing to me. He doesn’t even sing to Haley Jo.”

She’s crying with me. “I understand, believe me. Alex is the same way. He won’t even sing along with the radio.” After a minute, she says, “Brian called Alex last night. They’ve been talking about trying again…after the sentencing. Brian has some songs he wants them to hear.”

Haley Jo starts fussing. I find her pacifier in the swing by her leg and pop it in her mouth. “They? You mean Brian and AJ?”

Her voice is very timid when she says, “All of them. Including Nick.”

I drop to the floor by the swing. “What? What? Hanna Jo?”

I can hear her laughing. “It’s not definite Jess. But when you told Nick you wanted Donnie to know he didn’t break you, it kind of hit home with him. It wasn’t just you and Nick…it was all of us. He effectively destroyed one of the most popular, talented groups of all time. Nick wants to make sure you get everything you want…meaning Donnie Wahlberg doesn’t win a damn thing.” She sniffles lightly. “Jessi, Nick knows you miss him singing. He wants to. He’s just afraid. Be patient with him.”

I scoot closer to the bed and lay my head back on it. “How did you…did you talk to him?”

She answers me softly. “No, he talked to Alex. Jessi, he knows you need him and he’s trying. He just doesn’t want to disappoint you.”

The rest of our conversation is short and to be honest, I don’t even know what she said. All I can think of is how Nick feels. He is trying. He does want it. Now that I know that, I can be patient. I can wait for my man because I love him enough to wait. I can wait for him because he’s worth it.

Faithfully
Chapter 24
By Dottie
Copyright 2016

I’m torn between wanting to duck my head in shame and jump up screaming at the top of my lungs. I’ve sat here and listened to Donnie’s lawyer talk about the ridicule and violence he’s been subjected to being in jail. I’ve listened to his family talk about how he shouldn’t have to spend any more time locked up. According to them he was wrongly convicted and he shouldn’t be punished.

Nick is holding my left hand, Hanna Jo my right. AJ is beside her, along with Kevin, Howie and Brian behind us. I can feel the anger racing through my veins. I’m waiting, biding my time because when his mother finishes speaking, it’s my turn. Donnie doesn’t know we’re here. He’s had his back to us the entire time. A sadistic part of me can’t wait to see the look on his face when I walk to the podium to speak…and at the same time I’m petrified.

When the judge asks if anyone else wants to speak, Thad gets up. Once he’s at the podium and starts to speak, my resolve hardens. Every word hits home with me. “Your honor, my name is Thadeus Westcott. I was part of the prosecution team that investigated Mr. Wahlberg and his family and associates. Before anyone else speaks, I think it’s necessary for me to recap the circumstances that brought us to this hearing.” The judge nods slowly.

Thad opens a folder on the podium and says, “Over a year ago I started working with a young lady to bring to justice a group of men using a bank as a cover for money laundering and pandering. She was forced to make despicable choices in order to survive. Her boss had sold her ‘services’ to several clients at the bank, including Mr. Wahlberg’s brother Paul.”

I lower my head in shame. Nick leans closer to me and kisses my temple. I sigh as Thad continues. “Even though she never had sexual intercourse with any of these men, she was repeatedly violated by them. It took over six months to gather all the evidence we needed, and with her help, along with the board of directors of the bank, over half a dozen men have been brought to justice.”

He clears his throat and glances at me. I try to smile, nodding my encouragement for him to continue. “At the time, Mr. Wahlberg’s brother got off with a slap on the wrist because of his family’s name. When he was released, he tracked down our witness and attacked her. At the time, she was saved by Mr. Wahlberg himself, but that was only because he wanted her for himself.”

I see Donnie’s back stiffen. He starts to turn around, but Thad’s next words stop him cold. “But our witness didn’t want anything to do with him. At the time she had fallen in love and was trying to start a new life. But Mr. Wahlberg wouldn’t let things go. Even though he had been arrested and charged with evading child support for his three illegitimate children, he was also charged with stalking and bribery. Part of the conditions of his probation then was to steer clear of our witness and her fiancé. He didn’t.”

I feel a tear fall down my face. I lean closer to Nick and he squeezes my hand. Thad clears his throat. “After our witness and her husband were married, their friends were kidnapped and held hostage to ensure Mr. Wahlberg could get his revenge. On their wedding night, he repeatedly raped our witness as well as having her husband beaten until he almost died.”

Nick lets go of my hand and pulls me against his chest. I bite my lip to remain quiet as Thad continues softly. “Both the witness and her husband pressed charges, charges which Mr. Wahlberg has been found guilty of. The purpose of today’s hearing is to sentence him. Our witness…and her husband…are here today and would like to speak.”

I lift my eyes to watch Donnie’s head swivel around. When his eyes lock on mine, I can see the rage burning in them. No shame…no regret. Just anger and hatred. I barely hear Thad say, “Your honor, Mr. Nick Carter would like to speak first.”

Nick gives me a tight squeeze before standing and approaching the podium. When he gets there, he clears his throat and in a shaky voice, he says, “Your honor, what happened to me isn’t where the focus should lie today. This…man…his sentence should be based on one thing and one thing alone…what he did to my wife. I’m not here to dwell on it…I came because Jessi wanted me to…there’s one thing we both want to make sure Donnie understands.” He turns his gaze to Donnie. “You didn’t win. You will never win because I love Jessi and she loves me.”

I can see Donnie’s body is taut with rage. I turn my eyes to Nick as he walks away from the podium. When he sits beside me, I wind my arms around his neck and whisper, “I do love you…SO much.”

I barely hear Hanna Jo and AJ as they speak. Denise sent a written statement, which Thad read, choosing to stay at the hotel with the babies. Finally, Thad says, “Your honor, there’s only one person left that wants to speak. Jessica Carter.”

When I get to the podium Thad gives my hand a gentle squeeze. I look at the judge and say, “Your honor, thank you for letting me speak.”

The judge nods and says, “Mrs. Carter, you know that the sentencing has already been decided so what you say now will really have no bearing on that. But I do want to say, on behalf of the court, we appreciate the courage you must have coming here to speak. Please, take your time.”

I sigh quietly. Lifting my gaze, I lock eyes with Donnie. Gripping the podium tightly, I say, “When I was seventeen I thought you were the greatest man in the world. When I was eighteen I realized you were like every other guy I had ever known. When I saw you again last year on that tour I realized that you were simply evil. You tried to play me but it didn’t work…partly because I had fallen in love with Nick, but also because even when you were trying to be nice, you weren’t. You were arrogant and conceited...and I hated it.”

I take a deep breath before continuing. “On my wedding night, you raped me. You knew I’d never willingly sleep with you and you decided that it didn’t matter if I wanted it or not. You hurt me…you degraded me…you made me feel disgusting and dirty. But that isn’t the worst part of it.” His eyes never leave mine. I whisper, “You almost killed Nick. You almost killed the only man I’ve ever really loved and the only man that ever loved me.” I feel tears start to roll down my face. “I came here today so you’d know you didn’t win…you didn’t break us.” After a brief pause, I say, “You could NEVER do it because you don’t know what love really is. Love forgives…love comforts…love lives even when the sadness is so overwhelming it feels like you’re drowning.” I sniffle loudly. “You deserve to spend the rest of your life rotting in a cesspool because that’s the kind of human being you are. But no matter what happens, whether you walk out of here a free man now or twenty-five years from now you will NEVER beat me…you’ll never beat Nick and I because what we have is true love.”

After I get to my seat, the judge looks at Donnie. “We’ve heard statements from your family and from your victims. Is there anything you’d care to say for yourself before we proceed?”

He nods and stands up. “Yes, I would like to say something.” He turns his gaze to me and says, “You asked for it.”


It took quite a bit to get Nick and AJ under control. Finally the judge kicked them both out so he could hand down his judgment. I can’t tell you exactly what he said, but in a nutshell, Donnie’s spending the next thirty years behind bars. His mother nearly fainted. I wanted to dance in the aisles. But I settled for running from the courtroom and straight into Nick’s arms.

After that, the boys had their interview with Entertainment Tonight. After a lengthy discussion, I convinced them to lay it all on the line. What Donnie was convicted of is a matter of public record. Nothing will change the fact that he raped me, but maybe my story can help other’s come forward to put their own attackers behind bars.

Late that night, Nick is holding me while I feed Haley Jo. It’s like we can’t get close enough to each other. I snuggle against his chest as she nurses. Tears fill my eyes when he starts to sing ‘Never Gone’. When his voice tapers off to a whisper, I shiver and say, “I’ve missed this.”

He kisses my forehead. “Me too Baby. Me too.”

Faithfully
Chapter 25
By Dottie
Copyright 2016

Nick's POV

Two weeks ago, Haley Jo turned 3 months old. She's growing so fast. She sits up by herself and can roll over. Before you know it, she’ll be crawling. And Jessi thought I was silly for putting up the baby gates as soon as we moved in.

At the moment Jessi is playing with Haley Jo on the patio. I can see her laughing at our little girl's antics but that laughter isn't in her eyes. She woke up three times during the night sobbing. I should know because I was awake all night.

You see, today should have been our first anniversary. Instead it's an anniversary neither of us wants to commemorate. It's one I wish I could make Jessi forget. I see Hanna Jo come into the back yard with Todd. She puts him down beside Haley Jo and kneels by Jessi to give her a hug.

I hear the front door open and AJ comes strolling in. "Hey Nick. You ok?"

I shrug. "I wish I could make it all disappear."

He stands close to me and we watch our wives and children. "I wish we could too, Man." He clears his throat. "Listen, Hanna and I want to kept Haley Jo today. Give you and Jessi time to...I don't know...talk."

I glance at him. "I appreciate it AJ. But we haven't really talked today. Neither of us slept much last night. I don't...I don't know what to say."

He nudges me. "Just tell her you love her. That's all she needs now."


After they leave I join Jessi on the patio swing. When I sit down, she scoots closer to, laying her head on my shoulder. I lay my head against hers and whisper "I love you Jessi."

She shivers against me. "I love you too Nick." I put my arm around her and pull her against my side. We sit in silence for several minutes before she whispers, "I'm sorry."

I let my tears fall as I hold her tightly. "You have nothing to be sorry for Jessi."

Her arm slides across my stomach. "I'm letting him win today."

I force her head back so she will look at me. "No. He's not winning and he never will. We are together and we have Haley Jo. He didn't win."

She touches the side of my face. "But...you won't...we haven't...never mind."

She lowers her eyes from mine and it breaks my heart. "Jessi I just didn't want to push you." She doesn't say anything so I continue softly. "I love you. I want you. Every day of my life I want you but only when you're ready."

She tilts her head back and whispers, “I want you too. You have to know I do.”

I smile and nod. “I do know Jessi. I’ll wait until you’re really ready. I’m not going anywhere.” After a few minutes, I whisper, “I have a surprise for you.”

She pulls away from me and says, “I have one for you too. I hope you don’t get mad.”

She stands and pulls me behind her. “Mad? Why would I get mad?”

She pulls me down on the sofa beside her and reaches for the remote. “Because I…Hanna Jo and I…did something on our last shopping trip that…well…I didn’t tell you because I knew you’d try to stop me. And she didn’t tell AJ because he would have told you.”

Now I’m scared. “Jessi, I don’t understand.”

She smiles and kisses my cheek. “Just…watch this, ok? And please, don’t be mad. I couldn’t take it.”

So I turn to the television and she starts a DVD. I glance at her. “The Marilyn Denis show? I didn’t know you watch this.”

She shrugs. “I don’t. It’s a copy of the show that will air tonight.”

I turn back to the television with a sense of dread weighing my heart down. After the opening credits, I nearly faint when without preamble, my wife and her best friend are introduced as the first guests.

For the next half hour, I watch Jessi lay it all on the line…her past. How we fell in love. Donnie’s despicable deeds. And through it all she keeps her poise and her head held high. By the time it’s over, I’m more than proud of my wife. I’ve fallen even more in love with her. Because the last statement she made really hit home for me.

Without batting an eye, she says, “The last year has been difficult. But when Donnie Wahlberg was sentenced for what he did to my friends, to Nick and to myself, it was like closing the most difficult chapter of the book of my life. I spent several months thinking I hated my husband, when in all honesty I loved him with all my heart. I was shattered by what I thought was his betrayal. But learning why he did it…why he didn’t tell me about Hanna Jo, AJ and Denise being kidnapped, I…I felt relief. It never made sense that he made a deal with Donnie over money because I know money doesn’t matter to him. He did what he had to do. He did the RIGHT thing…because the only person in this world I love as much as I love my husband is Hanna Jo. If anything had happened to her, I never could have forgiven him.”

The hostess butts in. “But you did forgive him?”

I watch Jessi smile and I see love in her eyes. “Yes I did. I forgave him. I still love him. We’ve had a lot of counseling and probably will continue to get help, but I don’t think it will last forever. I love Nick with all my heart and that’s never going to change. We have a beautiful baby girl together and we’re a family. Maybe we’re a work in progress, but we’re working together. That’s all that matters to me.”

I turn to Jessi and whisper, “Why?”

She shrugs. “I needed to do that for me and for you. Nick I want you to record again. I want you and they guys to get back together and make music like only you can. I miss hearing you sing. You used to sing all the time and I ache for that. I just…I want to be US again…just like we were when we first fell in love. When we knew we’d be together forever because we will.”

I don’t know what else to do but kiss her. I pull her against me and for the first time in over a year, I’m kissing her as my wife, my lover, my best friend. After several minutes, we break apart, both of us gasping for air and I murmur, “I love you Jessi. God knows I’ll love you till the day I die. You didn’t have to do that for me.”

She shakes her head. “I didn’t. I did it for us. ALL of us.”

I can’t stop myself from crying. With tears falling down my face, I whisper, “Well, I don’t think I can top that surprise, but I’m going to try.”

She grins, hugging me. “You don’t have to…I mean, Nick all I need is you.”

I kiss her forehead. “You’ve got me Babe. But I also have a surprise for you.”

I run from the living room to my study and grab the cd I made for her over the last few weeks. When I come back into the living room, she’s sitting where I left her, with her legs curled under her body. There’s never a time I don’t want to just get lost in my wife and now is no exception.

Once the disc is in the stereo, I grab the remote and sit beside her. She looks at me and says, “What is it?”

I smile and say, “Just me and the fellas hopefully making one of your wishes come true.” I turn on the music and wait.

Her eyes widen when she realizes what she’s hearing. “You…you’re recording again?”

I just nod. “We did a few songs a couple months ago when everyone came up. Just to test the waters. But…well, this is special, so listen.”

I start the song over and watch her. Her eyes never leave mine and when the lyrics start, I see her lip tremble. I hold her close and sing along softly, hoping she knows I mean every word.

Highway run into the midnight sun
Wheels go round and round you’re on my mind
Restless hearts sleep alone tonight
Sending all my love along the wire

They say that the road ain’t no place to start a family
Right down the line it’s been you and me
And loving a music man ain’t always what it’s supposed to be
Oh girl, you stand by me…I’m forever yours…Faithfully

She launches herself at me and hugs me tightly. “Nick! Oh my God Nick, it’s beautiful!”

I pull away from her slowly and cup her face. “I love you Jessi. Now and always I’ll love you. I am forever yours…Faithfully.”


She listened to the rest of the disc nestled in my arms. When it was over we had a long talk about recording. The fellas are all in. Hanna Jo is on board. All we were waiting for was Jessi’s approval and did she ever give it. We didn’t make love. Today wasn’t about that. Today was about making the commitment to move on together in the same direction. The Backstreet Boys are back. A little older, a little wiser, and happier. Complete. We’re a family and we always will be. I know Jessi and I will be ok. So will AJ and Hanna Jo. Nothing can stop us now. Backstreet’s Back…Alright!