"Tell me about the day the world ended."

Can you believe that some people have the gall to say that it was all one big publicity stunt? I got two words for them:

Fuck that!

I admit that I would do a lot of crazy shit to promote our newest CD, but spending 32 days cramped in the basement of Stereo King? Not a chance, ya know what I’m sayin’?! Radio tour: yes. Fucking stereo shop hostage crisis: no way in fucking hell. I know people question my sanity at times, but there ain’t no way that I would sign myself on for spending that long confined in a small area with all those other people without the benefits of showers, clothing, and decent food. Not even if it sold us a million extra CDs.

You know, I never thought I could get tired of pizza, soda, or burgers, but I swore by the time it all ended I would have killed for a salad or even a large glass of milk. God. Milk. Apples. Oranges! Luxuries I have always taken for granted, but never again. I swear I’ll savor every last bite or gulp I take.

I also would have killed for a shower by the end of the first week. Damn but trying to clean up in a tinyass sink in a bathroom half the size of a broom closet just don’t work. Especially when you’re only given two minutes at a time in that tiny closet and you gotta stand there with some asshole with a gun watching you and aiming a gun at your head. You just wanna get in, get out, and get the fuck away from the psycho thug with the gun, ya know? So really all us hostages went about a month without getting to clean ourselves. We were all pretty rank by the time we finally got to get out of there, but that didn’t stop my mom or Mama Richardson from smothering me and Kev with hugs the moment we stumbled past the police line. And Kristen, Howie, and the Richardson brothers were right there to take up the slack the moment our moms let us go. Even Mama Littrell got in on the act and I swear she squeezed me so tight that I thought I was gonna bust.

Emergency crews were right there to herd me, Kev, and the other former hostages into waiting ambulances, but when we protested our family and friends ran interference for us. Besides, there wasn’t really any need for me to go to the hospital anyway. I didn’t need to get checked out. I was perfectly fine. Sane. Not gonna go on any rampage or anything like that. There isn’t nothing wrong with me that solid food, a long soak in the tub, and a week of sleeping in a nice comfy bed won’t heal. I figured I’d probably go see a shrink and everything sooner or later because it would make everyone else feel better, but I didn’t think I really needed it. I was ready to move on in life already and forget that the thing ever happened. My head got cleared the moment I walked out that door.

I know you’re thinking that after we spent a month in there, we’d just want to get as far the hell away from the place the first opportunity, but we weren’t ready to go yet. See, the ordeal wasn’t over yet. There were still hostages inside.

I couldn’t help but look over at Brian while we waited. He hadn’t greeted Kevin or me when we got out. He just kept staring at the building with a blank expression on his face. It probably looked to most people like he was in shock or had numbed his feelings or something, but I knew better. He had the look on his face that he always got when he extremely upset and didn’t want anyone else to see it. Now, I know that at a time like that it was perfectly justifiable for him to be visibly upset, but, see, years of being conditioned not to show that side in public trained him to hide his emotions away.

Leighanne had that training, too, but she wasn’t nearly as disciplined I guess. Her face was streaked with tears and I kept catching her giving Kevin and me these looks that seemed to be a mixture of sympathy, relief, and hatred all at the same time. Brian wouldn’t look at us at all. Even though it kinda hurt, I didn’t blame either of their reactions to us. We couldn’t give them the information they wanted to hear. I wish we could have, but the truth was that we didn’t have the answers.

You see…among the hostages still inside were the Littrell twins. Jennifer and Jordon. Jenny and Jordy. The twins Bri and Leigh jumped through every imaginable hoop to adopt. I don’t know if you remember all those protests and everything about them supposedly getting preferential treatment because of their celebrity while they were trying to adopt, but the tabloids really should have researched a little before starting those stories. I guess that wouldn’t have made such a “shocking” story though. Despite what those damned articles led you to believe, celebrity almost kept them from their dream of having children because the ignorance of the adoption agency thinking that they’d be all partying all the time and neglecting the kids. But they’d finally proven their worthiness and were blessed with the twins.

Now here Bri and Leigh were only a few months later, waiting to find out the fate of those twins they fought so hard for. The twins that they had entrusted to our care that night--the first time the fairly new and unbelievably overprotective parents had let the pair out of the house without at least one of them present at all times.

I wished I could go over and tell them that the twins were okay. But I couldn’t. If I’d had to venture a guess, I would have said that they were dead. At least I would have until I heard the voice on the radio.

I didn’t know there were other hostages left alive in the building until we heard the live broadcast coming from within. The voice on the radio was the most amazing fucking thing in the world. Despite the horrible state his voice was in, it gave me hope I thought was long dead.

Nick Carter was still alive.

It had been fifteen days since he and Hannah were taken from us. Fifteen fucking days. Me and Kevin were fairly certain that when Nick and Hannah were dragged from the basement and didn’t return…well…we assumed the worst. The assholes had already killed other hostages, so it just seemed impossible to imagine that they hadn’t killed Hannah and Nick, too, you know? Or the twins when they were taken away in the following days. We never heard the gunshots, but…we still had no reason to believe they were still alive. Until we heard Nick’s voice on the radio.

We hadn’t heard any of the others speak yet, but if Nick was okay, they had to be too, right? They were alive! And they were gonna get out just like we did. I couldn’t wait. I was going to have my Hannah back in my arms! I’d forced myself to accept that she was gone and that I would never see her again, but when I heard Nick, I felt my life start all over again. I was going to get Hannah back and I was going to hold her and kiss her and never let her go. I couldn’t believe she was still alive! My heart didn’t ache anymore as I listened to the sound of my “little brother’s” voice. He wasn’t dead. And my fiancé had to be with him.

“Well, here it is, people,” Nick’s voice was wavering slightly. “It seems that the plug is about to be pulled on my show. This last number goes out to everybody who’s been working so hard on getting me off the air,” he chuckles lightly.

From what I’d been able to gather from mom and Howie, our captors had been forcing Nick to make daily illegal broadcasts from inside. The point I guess was to put a name and a voice behind us hostages and to try to force negotiators to be more willing to give in to the demands being made. I mean, SWAT teams couldn’t exactly go bursting in and potentially get us killed. Any attempt to do so would probably cause a riot. Our fans would go ballistic if the FBI tried to do anything that would put us in more danger. Large groups still were gathered, watching the tense scene. A fucking month passes and there were still hundreds if not thousands of fans crowding the streets as close as they could while staying behind the police barricades. I’m pretty sure if any of our captors tried to get out and get past them, the crowd would tear them apart. Do we have amazing fans or what? Unfortunately, their presence had really complicated things. I know they definitely prolonged our captivity--probably by weeks even. But I’m thankful for them being there all the same, because it’s also quite probable that they saved our lives. I’m pretty sure without them standing guard over everything either the thugs would have killed us, or the SWAT teams would have in an attempt to storm the building.

“And also to AJ and Kev,” Nick continued his dedication. “I know you got out. Unless they lied to me again, but I choose to believe you’re out there and that you’re safe! I don’t blame you guys or anything, so don’t you go feeling guilty that you’re out there and that I’m…you know. I love you guys. I did my best I…I wish I could have…” his voice catches and for a moment he says nothing. “I’m sorry. I tried…I couldn’t…” he continued to stammer for a few moments before stopping again. I moved closer to the radio as if I was moving to comfort him through it. I wasn’t sure what it was he was sorry for, but I wanted to reassure him and tell him it was okay. “I just wish,” he finally concluded his little note to me and Kevin.

Nick took a deep breath. “Mom…I just wanted you to know that I was gonna come home for Christmas. I know I said I wasn’t going to, but…I changed my mind that morning.” I looked over at Jane Carter, who took a break from glaring at Kevin with disdain--for some reason it seemed she held him completely responsible for Nick’s situation--to turn to the radio and listen. Her expression softened at her son’s voice. “I bought the tickets and was gonna fly out in the morning. I…just wanted you to know that. I was gonna come home.” My eyes narrowed as I realized that he was talking about going home in the past tense. Sure we had missed Christmas, but it wasn’t like we weren’t going to take one hell of a long break from tour and go home now. I stared at the radio as if I could actually look through it and see the exhausted expression on Nick’s face. “There’s so much more I want to say, but they want me to wrap this up. So…real quick, Howie, I saw you that night. I hope you don’t feel guilty. None of this was your fault neither…I hope you know that.” Apparently Howie didn’t. He let out a strangled sob that apparently he’d been holding in for quite some time. I had no idea why he felt guilty, but I didn’t have time to ask right then. I was too focused on the radio. I had a very weird feeling in the pit of my stomach. There was something horribly wrong about the way Nick was talking. “Bri…Leigh…I’m sorry…I…I did my best…please forgive me,” his voice broke and he was silent again for a few moments. Leighanne let out a horrified sob and fell to the ground, only to be grabbed by Mama Littrell who pulled her into a tight embrace. Brian only sat staring blankly at the building. The twins? Please, God, let them be alive. Let that not have been what he was asking forgiveness about. Please, God.

“Hurry it up,” I could hear a hushed whisper.

Nick sucked in another breath. “It all ends in just a couple minutes. I’ve been instructed to tell the police not to try anything. They even suspect that you’re gonna double-cross them and we’re dead.”

I closed my eyes and bit back a big smile. Despite the horrible words he was saying, one word in particular stood out that made me want to celebrate. “We”. He said the word “we”. My Hannah. And hopefully the twins. “We.”

“So here it is. My last shining moment on the airwaves, so they tell me.” I licked my lips and moved closer to the radio as if I could hear him better. I hated the defeated tone of his voice, but hung on his every word. I waited in anticipation of what he would say next. But he no longer spoke. Instead he sang.

“That’s great it starts with an earthquake, birds and snakes, an aero plane and Lenny Bruce is not afraid…” he sang softly. “Eye of a hurricane, listen to yourself churn--world serves its own needs, dummy serve your own needs…”

I had a very bad feeling about why he chose that song.

As does Kevin, who got up off his gurney and pushed past Kristen to join me next to the radio. He pulled the blanket the emergency teams had given him--the one identical to the one I was sporting--tighter around him, but I could still see him shivering as though he were cold. I knew better though. I reached out and took his hand. That way it was like we could share each other’s strength. Like we’d been doing for the past month.

“It’s the end of the world as we know it,” the haunted voice croons. I could hear someone in the background grumbling something but couldn’t make out what it was. “It’s the end of the world as we know it,” Nick continued to sing even as we heard someone moving closer to him. “It’s the end of the world as we know it…” My eyes widened and I squeezed Kevin’s hand as I heard the now familiar sound of a gun being cocked.

“And I feel fine,” Nick whispered just before there was the sound of a minor struggle as someone grabbed the microphone away and shut it off.

Then there was nothing left to listen to but dead air.

First session assessment: Patient has not yet confronted his grief. He has exhibitied a willingness to cooperate despite denial that therapy would be beneficial, but is not yet ready to open up about his feelings. Nonetheless, he has agreed to return for further sessions.

Imitation of Life (Howie)

"Tell me about the day the world ended."

I was only a few minutes late.

---

Sometimes I feel like our existence is really just an imitation of life. It’s like…we eat, we breathe, we sleep, we laugh, we cry, we love…but we don’t really get to *live*. I know you’ll think I’m just being whiney here, and won’t be terribly sympathetic--we signed ourselves up for this life after all--but we don’t get to have the life that most people take for granted. Sure we get to do things that most people would find amazing like travel the world and sing in front of millions. And I can’t say that being rich doesn’t have its advantages. But the trade off is that we spend most of our time shut up our homes or in hotel rooms or on busses or planes. We can’t really go out in public and enjoy a normal life. When we do go out, we have to take along security and for sure be spotted, or attempt to go out solo and risk being caught in a mob situation. A simple trip to the grocery store can turn into a fiasco if we get noticed. So days that we get to at least pretend to have normal lives are treasured.

That day…it seemed like the perfect day, you know?

We got to sleep in. I mean actually sleep until we woke up naturally and everything. You don't know how rare that is. Usually it's like even on our non-concert days on tour there's always something we have to be doing--whether it be getting up and boarding a plane to get to the next city or stopping in to a local radio station for an interview or a meet and greet. Stuff like that. But we had nothing scheduled except one little interview that night. Otherwise it was a free day. If not for that interview we probably would have all been flying home or something since we didn't have anything scheduled for the next couple weeks due to the holidays and all. But that last obligation kept us from going our own separate ways for that one last day.

It was all my idea to go shopping…well, as a group anyway. Brian and Leighanne were already going to go because they wanted to pick up some last minute Christmas gifts for Jenny and Jordan. As if those two didn't have enough presents coming to them already! They were getting several gifts from each of us guys and I swear Leigh and Bri must have bought out at least one whole toy store. The twins were definitely raking it in this year. But it was their first Christmas with the Littrells, so I guess we can forgive Bri and Leigh (and the rest of us for that matter) for going a little overboard. But still Brian wanted to pick up just a couple more things. He was so worried about making this a memorable Christmas, you know? I think they were worried that the twins still weren't really accepting them as parents. Not that they were trying to buy the kids' affection or anything, but...they wanted the twins to start building some really good memories with them and stuff like that.

Except for finding something for my sister, I was done with my gift-buying already, but I figured it could be a fun afternoon if we all went out. Despite what everyone seems to assume, we don't really all get together and do stuff that isn't work related all that often. Of course we see each other now and then, and maybe a couple of us get together to do dinner or something but really, unless we're on tour we're rarely all five in the same place at the same time. That’s actually for the best, because after spending day after day, week after week with each other, we’re usually all beyond ready for some time apart. Truth be told, by that last day before the holidays, we were all getting punchy and needed time away from the road and from each other. If I hadn't run into Nick that morning, I imagine we all would have gladly gone our own ways for the day, too, but when I ran into him in the hall and saw how down he was, I changed my mind. It was going to be a day to forget about how much we needed a break and a day to try and keep Nick from sliding into one of his infamous funks.

As it turned out, he'd gotten into a fight with his mom again. She wanted him to fly out to spend Christmas at home. He only had four days off before he had to be back in New York to film an appearance on that show...that sitcom thing he was supposed to be on, remember? So he just wanted to go home and take a couple days to be by himself and relax.

"Do you really want to be alone on Christmas?" I asked him.

He sighed and shook his head. "No...not really. I just know if I go there I'm not going to get any rest, you know? And then I have to fly back here and film, and then we start the tour back up again. I just *really* need a break, Howie," he told me, and the dark rings that were forming under his eyes confirmed it. Though many people would probably not feel much sympathy toward him, I totally understood. What so many people don’t seem to understand is that while we’re on tour, our schedules get pretty bad at times, and he was absolutely exhausted.

Poor kid. I smiled. It was hard not to think of Nick as a kid, even though he was almost 24 years old and was a lot bigger than me. I nodded understandingly. We'd been through this before many times. When he was younger and the most "in demand" of all of us his schedule used to be so bad that he'd go months without so much as a day to himself. But then when he did get more than a day off at a time, he'd get bored and drive himself (and everyone else) crazy.

"Okay, so...you'd rather go home, sit alone in that house of yours, and go crazy after one day?" I asked, giving him a look to let him know I didn't buy it. I knew Nick. Sure, he thought he wanted to be alone, but usually he can stand that for about half a day and then starts getting restless and lonely. He'd definitely be missing his family come Christmas morning.

Nick let out a little chuckle. "Okay, you're right. Maybe I should go home." I looked at him pointedly and he laughed outright. "Maybe!"

Which meant he was going to go, but was too stubborn to admit it yet. Which also meant that he was probably going to spend the day moping about it if we didn't keep him busy. "So...you want to go shopping with Bri and Leigh? Maybe we can convince Kev and AJ to join us and everything. Make a day of it."

Nick looked doubtful and I knew why.

Going out as a group, of course, is a challenge as I'm sure you can imagine. When we're alone it's at least somewhat possible to disguise ourselves and blend in with the crowds. When we're together, though, it's about infinitely harder to do that. We'll still do what we can to disguise ourselves, but there's no way that we count on that to fool everyone. So we usually go to areas that are less populated, areas where nobody would really expect to find us. It's a little easier in the winter because we can bundle up with hats and scarves and everything. It wasn't foolproof, but it usually allowed us at least a little while before someone spotted us. It being the last full shopping day before Christmas also helped because most people who were out were so completely intent on getting their shopping done that they didn't really notice the people around them that much. But, of course, Nick was nervous about getting busted anyway. All of us got mobbed and everything, but usually he got it the worst. With a little convincing and the fact that both AJ and Kevin agreed to go, though, Nick agreed and we were set.

“Everybody ready?” AJ asked as he bounded into the lobby with his girlfriend, Hannah, in tow.

“Just about,” Brian informed him. “We’re waiting for Nick, and there’s…just a few…minor details.” He held up Jordan’s coat as he’d done several times in the time we’d been waiting in the lobby for everyone to gather. “Come on, Jordy…”

“Don’t want to. Too hot.” Jordan shook his head defiantly.

“That’s only inside, sweetie,” Leighanne assured him. “Outside it’s a lot colder and you’ll need your coat.”

Jordan looked at her skeptically.

“Don’t want mine, either,” Jenny announced as she started struggling to get her coat, which Leighanne had just finished getting on her, off.

“Oh no you don’t,” Leighanne grabbed her hands and stuffed them into her mittens, making it much harder for the little girl to remove the offending winter gear.

Brian was getting frustrated as he tried to convince Jordan to put the coat on.

About that time, Nick came strolling across the lobby. He grinned as he watched Jordan once again refusing the coat. “Heeeey, now that’s a cool jacket,” he said smoothly, taking it from Brian’s hands and holding it up as though examining it. “I gotta get me one like this.” Years of dealing with younger siblings had obviously taught him a few tricks.

Jordan looked up at the coat that Nick was holding as if he were seeing it in a whole new light.

“Want help putting it on?” Nick asked, looking down at the little blonde boy that could easily have passed for his own child, or at least a little brother. (In fact, there were more than a few rumors out that had the twins pegged as the product of an affair between Leighanne and Nick but don’t bring that up around either of them--or Brian--or they’re likely to kill you. And it’s entirely beside the point…moving on.)

Jordan nodded, holding up his arms obediently so Nick could outfit him with the coat.

“Thanks,” Brian whispered as he followed Nick out the door a few minutes later, his fully winterized children skipping ahead of them.

We still took along security, of course. Not full detail, though they were on standby and only a phone call away. Ron and Gerard went with us. And Mike came, but he headed off on his own to do his shopping. He kept the two-way on so he could be alerted if there were any trouble, though.

The morning passed pretty much without incident. A woman recognized Kevin while we were in this little candle shop, but after he quietly gave her his autograph she left without raising a scene.

We did get noticed when we stopped for a late lunch, of course. It would be hard to miss such a large party sitting together, and we couldn’t exactly keep our coats and hats and stuff on. Fortunately there weren't that many fans around, so we were able to just sit and chat and sign a few things and that was it. No mob grabbing us or pulling at us or anything. And thank God no screaming! Just a nice little fan encounter. If only they could all be like that!

“So, we’ve got about an hour left before we have to get back to the hotel and change for the interview,” Kevin informed us all as we wrapped up eating. “Does everyone have all their shopping done?”

“I still want to hit some of the clothes shops,” I replied. I’d found a great vintage phonograph thing at the Stereo King so I finally had my sister’s gift, but some of the stuff in the windows had caught my eye. “And I still have to go back and pick up Polly’s gift at the stereo shop.”

Bri and Leigh glanced at each other, then at their twins who were gleefully flicking peas from their plates at each other and at Nick, who equally gleefully fired them back. Nick smiled angelically as he noticed Leighanne giving him a slightly amused but disapproving look.

“We still need to do a little bit of shopping…you know…um…adult stuff,” Brian announced in an attempt to disguise the fact that he and Leigh wanted to sneak off to do a little bit more twin shopping. Of course his choice of words set AJ and Nick into a fit of hysterics and caused Brian to turn a bright shade of red.

It only took Jordan’s innocent, “I don’t get it,” spoken in the most solemn tone the five year old could muster to set Kevin, Hannah, and I off as well.

Leighanne rolled her eyes at the whole scene, though it was quite obvious that she was amused as well. “Honestly,” she haughtily grumbled, only the sparkle in her eyes letting on that she was less than annoyed. She was completely used to the gutter minds of our group.

“Honestly,” Jenny echoed as she stood up on her chair, her hands on her hips, looking at the adults at the table with disapproval. Nick absently reached up and placed a steadying hand on the back of her shirt, making sure she wouldn’t fall.

“Maybe…one of us should go?” Leighanne turned to Brian. “You could stay with the twins.”

Brian frowned slightly. “I dunno…I kind of wanted to…”

“We could watch them,” Nick offered.

Leighanne looked at him, doubtful. Probably thinking about the peas that adorned the area around the table.

“I used to watch my sisters and Aaron,” he assured her. “It’s only an hour.”

“And I’ll watch him,” Kevin added, giving her a knowing look.

“And I’ll watch him,” AJ added with a cackle. “Whaaat?” he asked indignantly as Hannah gave him a cynical look.

“I don’t know…” Leighanne still wasn’t convinced. As she and Brian started quietly discussing their options, Nick got up and started helping Jenny get her winter coat, hat, mittens and scarf on. No sooner was he done helping her, Jordan was there, pressing his winter apparel into Nick’s hands. Nick grinned as he looked over and noticed Brian watching him help the little boy get willingly into his winter gear.

“It’ll be just an hour,” Brian said in a voice that indicated that he’d decided he approved of the arrangement. He nodded his head toward Nick and the kids to get Leigh to see the way they were responding to Nick.

“Don’t worry,” Hannah consoled Leighanne, “I’ll be there, too.” Leighanne did visibly relax at those words.

“Well…we should get going, then.” Brian got up from the table and looked at Leighanne expectantly.

“Yeah, I’m gonna head off too,” I agreed. “Unless any of you wants to join me?”

“Nu uh. No clothes shop,” Jenny protested, looking at Nick as if hoping he’d rescue her from a fate worse than death. Where’s the love?

“Sorry, guy, I think we’re gonna have to skip the clothes and go check out the game room,” Nick replied.

“How torturous for you,” Kevin chuckled. “But there’s a book store right next to there that I want to check out, so I’ll go with you.”

“And um…there’s somewhere I need to go, too,” AJ said, looking at Hannah with a strange expression on his face. “If you all could excuse me for a bit?”

Hannah smirked, realizing that he was specifically meaning her. “I dunno, Aje. Leave me alone and I might just run off with Howie or something.”

“Yeah, right!”

“No offense taken,” I muttered good-naturedly.

“Don’t worry, Aje. I’ll watch her for ya,” Nick said slyly, draping his arm around her shoulders. She leaned her head against his shoulder and waggled her eyebrows at AJ. She laughed as AJ’s eyes narrowed in mock jealousy.

“Hands off my woman.”

Hannah cleared her throat. “Um…*your woman*?”

AJ shrugged, not taking the bait. “So…I’ll meet you guys back here in an hour or so?”

“Actually, Howie still needs to go back to the Stereo King, right?” Hannah glanced at me for confirmation. “Why don’t we just meet up there? It’s closer to where the vans are parked.”

“It’s a plan,” Kevin said. “Stereo King in one hour.” He looked at each of us pointedly, wordlessly warning us not to be even a minute late. “And I mean one hour,” he added, just in case we didn’t already get that.

Then came the problem of only having two of the security detail with us. Brian and Leighanne asked Ron to go with them to help carry packages and they took off as soon as we had our meeting place picked.

AJ requested that Gerard go with him, and I figured I’d probably be safe enough by myself since I wouldn’t have anyone with me to help draw attention, so I suggested that we radio Mike to have him meet up with Kevin and Nick.

Nick waved his hand to dismiss the idea. “Nah, we’ll be fine. Nobody’s really bugged us so far today, anyway,” he rationalized. Despite all his experiences getting mobbed, he’s still the most likely to ditch security. Go figure.

“At least take a radio with you,” Gerard insisted, pulling his from his belt and handing it to Kevin. “If it even looks like trouble, don’t hesitate to call Ron and Mike. Be sure to use this button and it’ll call the other two-ways. If you get into any situation you can’t handle, you press this button,” he instructed, explaining how it would connect them to police dispatch so not to use it unless they felt it was absolutely necessary for police involvement.

I headed off as Gerard continued his safety talk with the guys. I had only an hour, and there were several shops I wanted to hit.

I was right about being able to move around unnoticed. Alone in public and able to act like the normal guy I am. It was the perfect Christmas present to myself: an afternoon of normalcy. And I enjoyed every moment of it.

So much so, that I forgot about watching the time. More than an hour had passed before I even realized it.

I was only a few minutes late, though.

Just a few stupid minutes.

I ran the whole way to Stereo King once I noticed the time. Kevin was going to be lecturing me for sure. The place was supposed to close right at five, too, and I hadn’t picked up my sister’s gift. Damn it! With any luck they’d either stay open a couple extra minutes or maybe one of the guys had been nice enough to notice I was late and go in to claim it for me. I grimaced as I saw Kevin waiting outside the shop. He didn’t smile as I came to a halt a few feet away. “Sorry,” I panted, trying to smooth things over. “I didn’t notice the time…”

He nodded, looking tired. “It’s okay,” he assured me tensely. He hated it when things didn’t go smoothly. But I was only a few minutes late. We’d still make it to the interview with time to spare. It wasn’t a problem.

“Where are the others?”

“Nick, Hannah, and the kids are inside. The others aren’t here yet,” he replied irritably. I felt much better. At least I wasn’t the last one to show up.

“I have to go in and get--"

Kevin cut me off by handing me a box. “I got it for you. We thought the store was about to close so we went in.” He looked over to the shop.

I smiled gratefully. “Thanks.”

He handed me the two-way. “Wait out here for the others will you? I’m going to get Nick. At the very least three of us can still get to the interview on time.”

I looked over at the shop. It was several minutes past closing time. Nick had probably talked the clerk into letting him and the kids stay inside since it was getting so cold out. I swear that kid could talk just about anyone into anything. I sat down on the nearest bench to wait while Kevin disappeared into the store.

“Hey, Howie!” AJ came trotting up to me a couple minutes later and plopped down on the bench next to me. He looked at me expectantly, and I could just see that he was dying to tell me something. I smiled suspiciously and looked at him questioningly. He looked up at Gerard, then back at me, his grin getting wider. “I did it.”

“Did what?”

“I got it. The ring. I’m gonna do it.” He glanced around nervously then pulled a small box from his pocket. “Tonight after the interview. We’re going out, right?” He paused though it wasn’t really a question. “So, I’m going to take her to Chez Whatchamacallit. It’s a classy place, right?” I nodded, amused by his failure to even remember the name of the place where he planned to propose marriage. “So, I figure, we’ll eat, maybe dance a little, then I’ll order some dessert and have the waiter put the ring in--"

“Don’t do it,” I laughed cutting him off. “What if she doesn’t see it and she swallows that thing, man?”

“Oh, good point. Not in the dessert. Champagne? She’d see it there, right? Yeah. Okay so we’ll get Champagne and strawberries.” He paused for a few moments, then looked at me, his face serious for a moment. “I’m going to marry her, D.” I can’t remember the last time I’d seen him so happy.

“Congrats, J.”

“Where is she?” He looked around as he pushed the box back into his pocket.

“She’s inside. Kevin went in to get her, Nick, and the twins.” I nodded toward the store.

“I’m gonna go in. You coming?”

“No, I’ve got to wait out here in case Brian shows up. The store’s closed, though, I think. They should be right out. Kevin went in several minutes ago…” He should have been out by now. Maybe they were just waiting in there until Brian came. Stay out of the cold and all.

“’K. Well, be right back.” He headed into the store, Gerard trailing behind him.

I folded my arms across my chest and fought off the shivers that were trying to take over. The chill in the air had gotten more severe in the past few minutes, and it was starting to snow just a little. I looked longingly over at the shop, wondering if I should just go in, too. Brian knew where we were meeting; he’d know to come inside. Or, hell, I could just stand in front of the door and watch for him.

I waited outside about two more minutes then got up and headed toward the shop. It was just too cold to sit outside any longer, and the snow was actually starting to pick up a little. If everyone else was going to stand inside, so was I.

I was just to the door when I heard a weird popping noise. Kind of like fireworks. Coming from inside the store. I paused at the door, the hairs on the back of my neck standing up on end. Something was horribly wrong; I could feel it in my gut.

I pressed my hand to the glass on the door and tried to peer inside, but couldn’t see anything. Very cautiously I pulled the door open, slipping in as quietly as I could. Nobody was at the front of the store. Not even the store clerk. I glanced around, trying to figure out were the others were. No sign of any of them. Not AJ or Gerard, not Hannah or the twins. I frowned. I couldn’t even hear the twins. They were not exactly known to be quiet. The feeling in the pit of my stomach started to spread.

What was that popping sound? I knew what it sounded like. But it couldn’t have been that. It just couldn’t.

I moved as silently as I could toward the back of the store, keeping a lookout for anyone. They had to be playing some sort of trick on me. I was tempted to call out and ask, but...what if it wasn’t a trick? What if…I should really go back outside. Call Mike and Ron on the two-way. Yeah, that’s what I should do. Maybe nothing was going on. Maybe. But maybe…

I hesitated. It was then that I saw a movement out of the corner of my eye. I turned to see what it was and spotted a mirror. A mirror that reflected the back of the store. I felt my blood turn to ice at the image I saw. Oh god. That couldn’t be real. I turned away and saw the mirror on the opposite wall reflecting something much the same.

I felt the box fall from my hands as I stared in utter shock. The sound of the phonograph hitting the floor seemed loud enough to wake the dead.

“Howie, get out!” I heard a voice--I thought maybe Kevin’s but it sounded miles away so I wasn’t sure--yell at me.

I didn’t have to be told twice. I turned and fled, bursting out the door even as I fumbled to get the two-way turned on. I could hear several voices yelling at me to stop, and heard that same popping noise somewhere behind me, but tried not to think of the implications. I didn’t have time to. I needed to do something. I needed to get help. Which button was it that I was supposed to press on the radio? I hadn’t paid that much attention to what Gerard had told Kevin. Oh god oh god ohgodohgodohgod. I pressed all of the buttons. “Help. You have to help,” I gasped out. “My friends…they need help.” I kept babbling into the two-way, pressing other buttons, trying to get anyone to respond. I slipped on the snowy pavement and crashed to the ground, the two-way flying from my hands.

“--hear me? You need to release the button to hear me. Can you hear me sir?”

I scrambled to pick up the radio and pressed the button again. “Sorry. I hear you now.” I released the button. I looked back toward the store. Nobody else had come out. Oh god oh god.

“Please state your emergency,” the woman on the radio said. A police dispatcher, I figured.

“Howie!? Where are you guys? What’s going on?” Ron. Oh thank god. “Repeat where are you?”

“Need the police. Kevin, AJ…they’re all inside still. These guys have guns…”

There was a long pause before Ron’s voice came again. “Don’t scare me like that, Howie,” he let out a little chuckle.

“Sir, this is the police dispatch channel. If this is not an emergency--"

“No joke,” I whispered. “I think someone’s been shot…and this guy…” I closed my eyes but the images from the mirror were stuck in my head. Nick was crouched on the floor with his arms protectively around the twins, holding them so that their faces were turned into him rather than witnessing the scene around them. Next to him was Hannah, looking pale and thoroughly terrified. That was the better of the two images I saw.

The other was too unbelievable.

“Sir, where are you?”

“The Stereo King…down on…I don’t know where we are!” I looked around frantically for a street sign. “There isn’t a sign. No signs!” I could feel myself starting to panic. “There um…a Giatti’s and…Nathan’s.”

“We’re at the pedestrian mall on Hamilton,” Ron’s voice clarified. “The Stereo King, Howie?”

“Yes. They’re in there. They’re all in there.”

“Who’s in there, sir?” the dispatcher asked.

“My friends. And…this guy. He…” I squeezed my eyes shut trying to block out the image from the mirror’s reflection. “He had a gun.”

“You say he shot somebody?”

“I think so. I don’t know. I just…I saw him. I heard shots.” I knew I wasn’t being terribly coherent, but I couldn’t think straight. All I could think about was that damn reflection.

Kevin Richardson on his knees with a gun aimed at the back of his head.

Oh god. The popping sound as I ran from the store. What if…?

I dropped the two-way as I bit my lip and covered my ears as if that would block out everything.

It couldn’t be happening.

It should have been me in there. Or maybe if I’d been on time, none of us would have been there. I know it’s useless to think like that, but I had 27 days to think about it. People were dead. People I knew. And just maybe I could have prevented it. Instead I’d been off enjoying myself, pretending to have a real life not just the imitation I often felt like I had.

But I’ll tell you something:

Reality sucks.

I was only a few minutes late.

First session assessment: Patient displays strong feelings of guilt for an event over which there was no control. He as agreed to return for future sessions to work on this issue.

Author's Note: Some warnings do apply to this chapter.

"Tell me about the day the world ended."

The first one out of the building was Grayson James.

Though I’d never met him, I could tell you almost everything about him. He was a twenty-nine year old medical student from Minnesota. Beloved husband, devoted father of two young children (both of whom were safe and sound out here). From his birth date to what he usually ate for breakfast, practically the whole world knew all about him thanks to the hundreds of newspaper articles and television reports that went out every day. The media knew they had a big story, so they ran with it, publishing every detail they could dig up on everyone involved. I wondered how he’d deal with ‘instant’ fame. He went from being virtually anonymous to being one of the most famous people in the world during his days of captivity.

Directly after Grayson James, AJ shuffled out of the building. I almost didn’t recognize him, he’d gotten so…small. And filthy. His hair was excessively wild, and his normally well-groomed goatee had become a full-fledged beard.

I felt Leighanne squeeze my hand as we watched the two men stumble toward the police barricades. Behind them came the sixteen-year-old Stereo King cashier, Donnie “Jake” Jacobs. B-Average student, co-captain of the Ridgeway Tigers soccer team, apparently two-timing two teenage girls, who have been capitalizing on their 15 minutes of fame throughout his ordeal. I’ve heard that one of them has been offered a modeling contract, and the other is in talks for publishing a “tell-all” book. Though I can’t imagine what the media hasn’t already told the world about him.

Do I sound bitter?

I squeezed Leighanne’s hand back as I watched the door, ignoring the police that burst past us and started directing the hostages past the barrier. They had to be next. Please, God, let them be next.

I know I should have been relieved to see Kevin come out the door, and in a way I was. It’s not that I didn’t want him to be okay, too, but I only wanted to see my kids. I needed to know they were okay. They had to be okay.

Like AJ, Kevin was barely recognizable. His eyes were sunken in, and his extremely pale skin seemed to barely stretch across his ribs he’d lost so much weight. I couldn’t help but wonder that if he looked that bad, what must my children look like? I stared at the open door, waiting for them to come out.

But no one did.

I stared at the empty doorway. Kevin wouldn’t have come out without my kids. Not if they were still alive. I felt my heart breaking, and my hand slipped from Leighanne’s.

“Nooooo,” I heard her whimpering as we watched Kevin and AJ being absorbed into the crowd. I knew I should go over and welcome them back. But I couldn’t. I wasn’t sure I could forgive them for being alive when my children weren’t.

“Daddy!” I heard a child yelling, and for a split second I thought it might be Jordan. But of course, it wasn’t. I should have known it wasn’t. For one, it was coming from behind the police lines. For another, I’m really not his daddy. Not yet, anyway. Not that I didn’t imagine myself to be. There were times that I forgot that Jenny and Jordy weren’t biologically mine; I loved them so much. I was ready to be “daddy” for them, and God willing, one day I would be, but they weren’t ready to accept me yet. And then they were taken from me.

It would happen, Leighanne assured me once, when I’d expressed my doubts to her one night just before the whole world went to hell. “Just give them time”, she’d said. Of course I would give them all the time in the world; I loved them. But it still hurt. I wanted so badly to know that they would accept me as family. They liked me, sure, but it wasn’t the same as knowing that they loved me. All it would take was to hear them call me that just once and I’d be the happiest man in the world. Forget money and fame, all I ever really wanted out of life was to make my own family as great as the one I was blessed to be born into. Leighanne didn’t understand why I wanted them to call me that endearment so badly. To them, she was already “Mommy”. But me? I was still “Brian” or in more affectionate times, “Bri-bri”. I had my doubts that I would really ever be anything else to them. They just didn’t seem to connect with me like they did with her.

Or with Nick.

I remember watching them at lunch that last day we saw them.

All through the meal I kept stealing glances in their direction, but they didn’t ever look my way. They were too absorbed in each other and with my best friend. I tried not to think too much of it. I didn’t want to be jealous. But it was hard not to be sometimes. Like when my kids both went to Nick to help them with their coats when we were getting ready to leave. And like the fact that they were so excited to be going with him when we split up. If it weren’t for the fact that we really did want to do a little shopping and I wanted to slip away for a little while, I think I may have let jealousy get the better of me. It was tempting to give in to Leighanne’s misgivings about leaving the kids with Nick. Not because I didn’t think he’d be perfectly capable, and fully responsible for them (he may be goofy, but he wouldn’t do anything to put them at risk) but because it was hard not to be jealous of the way my kids looked up to him.

When we listened to him every day on the radio, I found myself getting even more resentful of him. Every day I grew more and more bitter about the fact that he was with my children, and he wouldn’t tell us how they were. I know that his captors were monitoring everything that he said, and that they…shut him up when he started saying stuff that they didn’t want him to. But, he could have found a way to tell us. Just once. Just a quick, “Brian, they’re okay.” That’s all he would have had to say.

But he never did.

And I hated him for it. Honest to God hated him.

How terrible a person does that make me?

I hated my best friend--my best friend that spent twenty-seven days being tortured and held captive. I didn’t even notice that he hadn’t come out of the building with the others until his final radio broadcast started.

I could tell by the sound of his voice that he knew things were going to…end. I knew he didn’t expect to live through the day. Or maybe that he didn’t want to live through the day. I don’t want to admit this; please don’t hate me, but I didn’t care. You want to know what I was thinking while he was there speaking what he must have felt were his last words? I was so bitter at that point. I hate what I became during those twenty-seven days. May God forgive me, but all I could think was that he deserved to die. I have no excuse for my vengeful thoughts. I wish I did. I wish I could take them back. I’d give anything to have not thought them. But…I did. Especially when I heard his broken voice say the words, “Bri, Leigh…I’m sorry…I…I did my best…please forgive me.” In my mind, he’d killed my children; not by his hand, perhaps, but in my heart I blamed him for not protecting them.

I hated him more as I heard Leighanne wail as she sank to her knees beside me.

I wish I could have consoled her, but I couldn’t move. I was numb at that point. If I moved, I risked losing it. Numb was better than the all-consuming pain that I knew was going to come as soon as I could feel again.

Even though I knew it was over, that my children were dead, I kept staring at that doorway. People moved around me and I could see mouths moving, but didn’t hear a thing that was said. Nothing really existed anymore. Nothing but me and that empty door.

It wasn’t until Leighanne yelled and sound broke back into my consciousness that I realized that the door wasn’t actually empty anymore. Things came back into focus as impossibly, I saw a small blonde figure peeking out the door. My breath caught. Jenny.

Except that she was wearing what appeared to be a man’s t-shirt as a dress rather than the clothing she’d worn that day, she looked the same as she had then. Her hair was neatly braided and her face clean and bright. It was impossible, but I was seeing her. Alive and seemingly quite well. I glanced around to make sure that I wasn’t hallucinating, but others saw her too. I saw though, that AJ and Kevin both seemed just as surprised as I was to see her. Possibly even more so.

Though she seemed unattended, she made no attempt to come out, even as officers tried calling to her. She only stared wide-eyed out into the crowd, obviously spooked.

“Jenny!” Leighanne screamed as she burst toward the police lines. One of the officers grabbed her around the waist and held her back, preventing her from breaking past the barriers. I could see her struggling to get free, to go to our daughter, but the officer wouldn’t let her go.

I would have tried, too, but I was still frozen. I couldn’t make myself move. It was still impossible to me that it was real.

“It’s okay, Jenny,” I heard an unfamiliar male voice calling to my little girl from behind the barricade. “You can come over here, honey.” But Jenny disappeared back into the building without a word.

“No!” Leighanne cried out. She struggled harder to get out of the officer’s grasp. “Let me get her. You bastard! She was free! Why didn’t anyone get her?” A few moments later, Jenny peeked out again. Several more onlookers tried to coax her to come closer, but she only chewed her lip and ducked back into the building again.

After another short time, she finally came all the way out of the building, but made no attempt to run toward safety despite all the attempts of the crowd to coax her closer. I overheard one of the officers saying he’d go get her, but his superior instructed him to wait; they couldn’t risk setting the captors off and killing everyone else inside. If Jordan weren’t still in there, I would have been angry at that call. But my little boy, if he were still alive, was still in there.

“Jenny! Come here, sweetie! Come to mommy!” Leighanne called, but Jenny didn’t budge from her spot near the door. She peered back into the building, clearly upset that she wasn’t being followed.

Finally a little smile broke out on her face and she moved away from the door. I could see her lips moving as she spoke to whoever was coming, but I couldn’t hear what she was saying.

And then Nick was there in the doorway. One of the creeps was using him as a human shield, holding a gun up under his chin. That wasn’t what concerned me, though. What did was the fact that clinging to one of his extremely pale legs was Jordan. A moment later, Jenny was clinging to the other one. The captor holding Nick tried to kick her away, but she held fast.

Their movement was very slow as they progressed toward the waiting van. My children were clearly making it difficult for Nick to move, which in turn was slowing them considerably. This was clearly making the man with the gun more and more agitated with each small step. He continually tried to dislodge my children from Nick’s legs, but they were both too stubborn to let go.

“If you get a clean shot, take it,” I overheard the commanding officer tell his squad. “We can’t let him get the hostages into that van.”

“Jordan, come here honey!” I heard Leighanne yelling with borderline hysteria. Having gotten no response from Jenny, she was now trying to focus on her twin. They rarely separated, so if Leigh could get Jordan to come, surely Jenny would follow. “Please, dear God,” she murmured under her breath before trying one more time. “Jordy!”

Jordan heard his name and for a moment let go of Nick to turn to see who was calling him.

The moments that followed seemed to go by in slow motion.

The man with the gun took Jordan’s moment of inattention to lash out, kicking the boy hard enough to send him sprawling away.

At Jordan’s cry of pain, Nick started to turn on his captor, knocking the gun away from his chin long enough to twist in his captor’s grip. At the same time, Jenny screamed out as if she, too, were feeling Jordan’s pain. She let go of Nick and leapt at the gunman, knocking him off balance. The man stumbled and fell, taking Nick with him. The gun flew from his hand, skittering away on the pavement.

The man desperately tried to keep hold of Nick, trying to keep his human shield in place, but Nick was doing his best to get away from him. He looked up at the twins and yelled for them to run, but they wouldn’t leave him. Nick managed to get to his feet, but his captor was still hanging on to him.

“Get down!” Nick’s hoarse voice called out to my children, and the moment Jenny dropped to the ground beside her brother, Nick turned around, the man still clinging to his back.

The world seemed to go silent as I watched several bullets strike the man’s exposed back simultaneously. He lost his hold on Nick and fell to the ground. At first I didn’t register what had happened; when you see someone shot, you expect there to be lots of blood. But there was no blood seeping from the wounds. There were just several small little blemishes in the skin. Little holes. In just one moment his world stopped.

But the rest of the world moved on.

Nick pitched forward, hitting the wall. He managed to stay on his feet, and was turning back toward the kids as from the corner of my eye I saw another man bursting from the building, his gun drawn. He was running straight toward Nick and the kids. As the first man closed in on Jenny, a second and third both appeared.

Sound returned tenfold with the sound of gunfire filling the air as one of the gunmen began firing into the crowd. Everyone was screaming and suddenly the mob was moving. I was pushed to the ground as people began shoving, trying to get through. Some were pushing to get closer to the barricade and the action while others were pushing to get away.

I saw Leigh still trying to push past the barrier, trying to get to the children. I tried to call to her, but my voice wouldn’t work. I couldn’t see what was going on beyond the barricade, but the sounds were getting worse. Gunshot after gunshot. Screams of hysteria, screams of pain.

I couldn’t get up--people just kept stepping on me, knocking me back over in their own attempts to get to safety. So I just started crawling. Trying to get to Leighanne, or to my children.

“Jenny!” I heard my wife’s scream. “Jor--"

And then my world stopped. I saw my beautiful wife fall to the ground, just feet away from me.

Her eyes were wide open. Her mouth was frozen in mid scream.

And there was a small hole.

Where there shouldn’t be one.

“Leigh?” I whispered, as though she could hear me above the screaming and the gunfire.

She didn’t move. Her eyes didn’t blink.

I felt hands grip me under the arms and I was lifted to my feet.

“Brian!” I heard Kevin’s voice calling to me and a moment later, his face came into focus as he turned me around to face him.

“Leigh?” I pleaded with him to help her.

He only stared at me looking helpless. Then he looked past me, to the ground. Where my Leighanne lay. With her mouth still frozen in mid scream. He looked back at me, his face even paler than it had been when he first got out of the building. His mouth gaped open, but he said nothing as his eyes stared straight down into mine. After a few moments, his mouth closed and he simply shook his head, tears forming in the corners of his eyes.

I pushed away from him and turned to help her myself. But he grabbed me, and pulled me back, wrapping his arms around me to keep me from going to her. To my own wife. Whose beautiful blue eyes were still wide open. Staring vacantly.

I think I would have stood there, numbly frozen in Kevin’s grip, staring down into those blue eyes forever if I hadn’t heard two particular screams rise about all the others. Twin voices. Screaming one word with intense desperation.

“DADDY!!!!” I could hear both of their voices screaming for me. I looked up, but could not see them past the police blockade. The sound of gunfire had stopped, but the screams continued. I broke free from Kevin’s weakened grip and pushed my way determinedly to barricade to get to them. “Daddy!”

I broke past the blockade.

And sank to my knees as I saw my children.

Kneeling beside Nick’s fallen body.

“Daddy wake up,” I heard Jordy pleading with him. For a moment, I thought he was dead, but then I saw that his chest was slowly rising and falling.

“Please, Daddy!” Jenny added, tearfully burying her face against his chest, not caring about the blood that was soaking into the t-shirt dress she was wearing.

Nick’s eyes opened slightly and he gave them a tiny smile, a little bit of blood trickling from the corner of his lips as he apparently said something reassuring.

I stared as my children hovered over him.

My hatred grew tenfold.

How dare he?

They were all I had left.

They were my kids. Mine. Not his. The numbness gave way to fire as the hatred burned inside me.

“Brian?” I heard Nick’s weak voice call out to me. I was tempted to turn away, but something wouldn’t let me. I looked at him with pure hatred. But the hatred melted away as I saw his face. Relief flooded his expression and his smile looked so genuine, despite the obvious pain he was in. “Brain!” He tried to rise up, but was clearly too weak and injured. I noticed that his face and chest were littered with all sorts of bruises. Some were probably new within the past hour, others were clearly older. And there were a couple small holes…oh god, no.

I got up and shuffled over to him, kneeling down beside my kids. “Hey, Nick.”

He made a small whimpering sound as he tried again to sit up. Blood leaked from the small holes in his side and in his shoulder.

“Make him better?” Jenny asked as she tugged on my sleeve. I stared at her, as she looked back at me with only bare recognition in her eyes. Tears rolled down her cheeks and she looked at me pleadingly. “Please?” Aside from the tears, she looked perfectly fine. Not a bruise anywhere. I glanced at Jordan, who was likewise completely free of injury. Then back at Nick, who had clearly sustained a lot of damage. Every last trace of the hatred that had carried me through the past weeks vanished. Kevin and AJ hadn’t known that the twins were still alive. Nick not only hadn’t killed them, he’d obviously protected them. At a great cost to himself.

I looked around, trying to find someone who could help. I saw the bodies of three of the four gunmen. The fourth seemed to have disappeared, but he wasn’t my concern. I kept looking. And spotted a paramedic tending to someone I didn’t recognize. “Help! I need help over here,” I called out, motioning for her. But she was too busy helping the other gunshot victim.

I felt a light tugging on my sleeve and looked down at Nick, who was clearly trying to get my attention. His face was turning slightly grey. He opened his mouth, more blood spilling from his lips.

“No. Don’t talk,” I told him. “I’m gonna go get some help--"

He gripped my arm tighter. It was still weak enough a hold that I could easily have pulled away, but the look on his face told me that it was important to him that I stay. I gave in and nodded, settling down on the pavement next to him. He opened his mouth again, obviously tying to say something, but instead he began to cough, sending small spittles of blood flying.

Instinctively I started stroking his hair, much like I used to when we were younger and he needed comforting. Kevin appeared at the corner of my vision and a moment later he was draping his own blanket over Nick, who seemed oblivious to both it and Kevin’s presence. He looked only at me.

“I brought them back for you,” he whispered. “They’re safe. I…wouldn’t let them get hurt.” It was clear that it was very important to him that he tell me that. “I brought them back for you.”

His eyes slid closed again, and I felt the tension completely leave his body as he sank back to the pavement.

“Daddy!!!” Jordy cried, trying to get Nick to open his eyes again, but Nick didn’t respond. If it weren’t for the fact that I could see the blanket rising and falling slightly with Nick’s labored breathing I would have panicked. But my best friend was still alive.

“We need help over here!” I heard Kevin’s voice calling out. A few moments later a paramedic was there, gently pushing me out of the way so he could tend to my best friend.

As soon as I saw that he was being taken care of, I turned my attention to Jennifer and Jordan and hugged them close for the first time in weeks.

I should have been so happy. They were in my arms again. But once again, all I felt was numb.

The paramedics bundled Nick up and raced him to the waiting ambulance while I held the twins for what seemed like hours as they cried…

For their daddy.

First session assessment: Patient exhibits signs of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. He reveals feeling emotionally and physically numb and is detatched from those around him. I have scheduled further sessions, but patient is reluctant to commit to further therapy.

---

Author's note: I didn't mean to kill Leighanne...it just kind of happened...lol. I actually was really bothered at first--I don't like killing characters that are based on real people (at least not in "realistic" fiction--I'm not counting stuff like Frick and Frack are Dead or Frackenstein which are obviously not "realistic" fiction.) I honestly thought about rewriting the chapter when that happened, but after being completely neurotic and running it past a few beta readers (thanks Jenn, Mersey, and Lucy!), I decided that it was meant to happen, so I decided to leave it as it is. I just want to stress that I in no way wish harm on Leighanne (or anyone else mentioned in the story), and have nothing against her.

Please review and calm my neurotic soul ;) Thanks!

--Chaos

Chapter Four: Dangerous Times (Kevin)

“Tell me about the day the world ended.”

Which time do you want to know about? I don’t even know where to start answering that question. I’m not really all that sure I want…I’m not sure I’m comfortable talking about this with Kristen here…no offense. Maybe you could…no, it’s okay. Never mind. Stay. I’m okay.

Where should I start? I’m not sure what I should talk about.

On your knees

The beginning, I guess?

I said on your fucking knees

That wasn’t the worst, though. The worst came later.

I…don’t want to talk about that. Not yet. I’m not ready…

The beginning then.

***

“It’s too cold out here,” Nick announced for the third time in four minutes. I swore he had the attention span of a goldfish. I don’t remember who it was that said that originally, but it really stuck with me. Once around the bowl and it’s a whole new world!

I didn’t answer Nick. I’d already had this conversation once and it wasn’t even exciting the first time. So I continued staring down the pedestrian mall walkway as if it would make the others show up faster. All three of them were late. AJ, I expected to be late. And Nick, if I hadn’t stopped in to the arcade to collect him and the kids, I’m sure would have been as well. Maybe Hannah would have gotten him here on time, I suppose. But Howie…I expected better out of Howie. If nothing else, I thought he would have gotten back to Stereo King before they closed. All I can say is that it was a good thing that Nick and I had been a little bit early and I’d been able to pick up Howie’s gift for him.

I glanced at my watch.

If they got there in the next two minutes, we’d probably still be able to make it on time. Any later and we’d have to forgo--

“You’ll have time,” Hannah assured me, placing her hand over my watch until I looked over at her. “Don’t worry,” she smiled knowingly. “You’ll still have time to get back to the hotel and change into more…interview-y clothes.”

I knew she was right, but I also knew from experience that if we were late it would impact the whole mood of the interview. I hated making a bad impression, especially when that impression would be passed on to others. It was also critical that these interviews went well and we got a positive response from people. It had been too long since we’d released any new material, and we had faded from the public’s attention. That wasn’t an entirely bad thing, of course. I, for one, did not miss the constant screaming whenever I went anywhere in public. While I loved meeting fans when it was only one or two of them at a time, I wasn’t sure I was ready to face the crowds again. But if we wanted the new CD to succeed, we needed to get ourselves back out there in a positive light.

“Or maybe you and Nick should go on ahead and I’ll wait here for the guys,” Hannah suggested as she saw that I was still not convinced. As she moved her hand away from my watch, I snuck a glance at it.

If they were there in the next minute and 30 seconds…no, I wasn’t going to do this again. I was tired of being the one to take on the responsibility for all of them. I didn’t want to do it anymore; they were old enough to take care of themselves. So what if we were late? It didn’t matter. “No. We’ll go as a group.” Even as I said it, I felt compelled to look at my watch again. If they were there in the next minute and 15 seconds…I had to remind myself that it didn’t matter.

Jenny tugged on my coat sleeve. I peered down at my little blonde niece. “It’s too cold out here,” she announced. I glanced over at Nick, who was conveniently looking the other direction. As if he hadn’t put her up to this. I sighed and glanced around. Most of the stores had already closed, but I noticed that there were a couple guys heading into the Stereo King so it appeared that it was still open. Maybe the clerks would let the kids stay in there for a few minutes.

“Why don’t you guys go inside,” I suggested, pointing her toward the store. I looked over at Nick. It was tempting to tell him to stay here and wait for the others, but he had Jordan riding on his back, and it really would be best if both kids got in out of the cold. And there was no point in any more of us to stay out here. I nodded at Nick and pointed to the shop. It didn’t even take a word for him to reach out and take Jenny’s hand and head off toward warmer territory. Floridians. “Watch outside for when the others come,” I called after him, knowing full well that he wouldn’t. “I’ll come in and get you when the others get here,” I told Hannah, letting her know that she could go inside as well.

“You sure you don’t want some company?” she asked, though I could see that she really wanted to go inside, too. Unlike Nick, at least she seemed to feel guilty about leaving me out in the snow.

“No, go ahead. It’ll only be a few minutes.” It had better be only a few minutes. I glanced down at my watch. If they were there in the next 30 seconds, I wouldn’t even lecture them in the car.

But, of course, they weren’t there in the next 30 seconds.

It was two minutes and 24 seconds later that Howie came rushing up.

“Sorry,” he apologized, out of breath. “I didn’t notice the time.”

“It’s okay,” I sighed, trying not to let my disappointment in him show. I knew it wasn’t really that big a deal, but…I just hate being late.

“Where are the others?” he asked.

Warm, that’s where they were. I told him that AJ, Brian, and Leighanne weren’t there yet, but the others were inside. When he started to head inside, I handed him his box and let him know that I’d already gotten it for him. I also gave him the 2-way that Gerard pawned off on me earlier. “Wait here for the others will you? I’m going to get Nick. At the very least the three of us can still get to the interview on time.” I knew I was sounding pretty irritable, but honestly by that point it had started snowing harder and I was getting cold, wet, and fairly pissed off by the others’ tardiness. I just wanted to get inside, dried off, and to that interview.

It’s amazing how quickly your priorities can change.

I pushed open the door to the Stereo King and groaned as I noticed that the others weren’t even waiting near the door. Nick should have been watching, ready to go the moment the others caught up to us.

Now I was going to have to go through the store looking for him.

Or not.

“Hey, Nick, time to go.” I called out. When he didn’t answer, I got just that much more irritated. “Quit playing around, Nick. We need to get on the road.” When he still didn’t answer, my temper grew even shorter. I started heading to the back of the store, silently cursing the youngest member of our group. If it wasn’t one thing, it was another. He had better be dead back there, or I was going to kill him. He never listened to me.

As I approached the back of the store, though, I started getting a really bad feeling. Surely, even if Nick were purposely ignoring me to piss me off, Hannah would have given him away. Or one of the kids would have giggled and blown their cover.

It was just me being paranoid, I convinced myself. I was falling into one of Nick’s stupid little traps. He’d managed to keep the others quiet and they would be waiting right around the corner to jump out at me. Get a big laugh at my expense.

But something really didn’t feel right. I hesitated for a moment before turning the final corner into the back of the store.

Nobody was there.

My stomach started feeling even more unsettled as I headed toward the counter.

“Nick?” I called out again. “Hannah?”

Where the hell was everyone? I was going to really kill Nick if he was just messing around. But even if it was Nick…where were the clerks?

Something was very wrong. I could feel it in my gut. It felt as though someone were creeping up behind me.

Instinct warned me a moment too late.

“Don’t fucking move.” A voice hissed in my ear a moment before I felt cold metal press against the back of my neck. I wished that it actually was Nick playing a sick prank, but I knew even he wouldn’t go this far. I held my arms out to my sides so that the man behind me could see that I was unarmed. After a few moments I felt the metal move away from my skin. “Very carefully reach up and unzip your coat.”

Keeping my movements calm and steady, I did as he told me, not even questioning why. The gun at my head was reason enough. As was the leg that I spotted sticking out from behind the counter. I figured it belonged to the store’s clerk. I wondered absently if the man was dead or just unconscious. I prayed for the latter.

As soon as I had my coat open I held my arms back out to my sides. In a way I wanted to turn to see who it was behind me, but instinct told me the less I knew about the guy with the gun, the less likely he was to pull the trigger. If I couldn’t identify him, he’d have no reason to kill me.

“Real careful I want you to take your coat off and drop it.” Again I did as I was told. “Good boy.” Like I was a dog, I fumed silently, but made no outward signs that it bothered me. The guy behind me speared my coat with his foot and slid it across the floor into a small pile of winter gear. I noticed Nick’s Bucs jersey in the pile as well, so I wasn’t entirely surprised when the guy ordered, “Now the shirt.” I hesitated only for a moment and felt the gun pressed to the back of my neck again. I scowled but quickly unbuttoned the shirt, slid it off, and let it drop to the floor. I waited to see if he was going to make me remove my undershirt as well, but he didn’t seem concerned with that. I figured he was probably just nervous about any bulky clothing--in case I was harboring a weapon or something. He was, however, concerned with my belt. I scowled but pulled it from my jeans and let it drop. “Boots, too, cowboy.” I reluctantly kicked off my boots. I was fairly glad that I had pawned the radio off on Howie. Maybe he’d realize what was happening and be able to call for help.

“Now real careful like, let’s get you in the back with the others.” The guy behind me kept kicking my legs as I walked toward the door along the back wall, but I somehow managed to keep my balance. My temper was starting to really boil, but I knew I had to play it cool.

I wanted so badly to ask about the others, but didn’t want to speak in case it would set the guy off. I prayed that Nick hadn’t gone and done anything dumb and gotten himself hurt, and that Hannah was able to keep them and the kids safe.

When I pushed opened the back door I heard a voice coming from the farthest room. “Hey!” It was Nick’s voice. “Leave her alone! Just take the money, you don’t gotta do that.” Part of me was proud of him for protecting the others, but I was so afraid that Nick’s hot-headedness would get him killed. I needed to get back there. If we could all just keep our cool, we’d get out of this unscathed. “Get away from her!” I cringed, trying not to imagine what was going on in that back room. But I knew I had to get there before things got any worse.

I started to walk faster, but the guy behind me kicked me even harder in the back of my knee and I found myself sprawled on the ground. The guy stomped his foot down on my back and leaned down, pressing his weight down, painfully, on my spine. “Don’t be a hero, just walk nice and slow,” he warned me before removing his foot so that I could get up again.

“We haven’t got time for that,” a voice I didn’t recognize snapped from the other room. “Leave her be. We can have some fun after we get this damn safe open. Damn it, Kid. What the fuck is taking so long?”

“I’m sorry, I don’t…I’ve never opened it before. I don’t even know if it’s even the right…” I could hear a young man stammering.

“Just be quick about it. We want to get out of here.”

“I say we take her with us,” the first guy jeered.

“No!” Nick cut in. “Just take the money an--” I don’t know what stopped him mid-sentence, but when he suddenly went silent I feared the worst.

“I think we take you, too,” a third man said, a low menacing laugh following his words. “What do you think, tough guy? Think that’d be fun?”

“Leave him alone!” I heard Jenny’s determined little voice yell and my heart leapt into my throat. I would never forgive myself if anything happened to those kids. It took every ounce of willpower not to take off running to get to that back office.

“Jenny, stay back, honey,” I heard Hannah’s voice wavering.

“Hey, honey, I’m hooome!” a familiar voice called from behind me. From inside the store. I moved one inch closer to having a heart attack. Instinctively, I turned my head to look over my shoulder to look for AJ. Before I could even think about yelling out to him, I felt something cold and hard slam into my face and I felt the world spin as I collapsed back to the ground, my vision reduced to thousands of little black dots. I could feel blood dripping from my chin and was dimly aware of people moving around me. At least one stepping on me.

“I told you ‘lock the door’, you idiot!” I heard one of the men scold another one.

“There wasn’t a damn key!”

I was dragged to my feet and shoved forward. I almost fell again, but someone caught me. Whoever it was half-carried me back toward the showroom. As soon as I regained my balance I tried to pull away from my captor.

“It’s just me,” Nick whispered in my ear. I looked over my shoulder. Indeed it was Nick, looking pale but otherwise okay. He winced as he got a look at my bloodied face. “You okay?”

I started to nod, but was cut short as we heard a loud popping sound from the storeroom. A gunshot that almost drowned out a surprised yelp.

AJ.

I pulled away from Nick and we both ran the last steps to the storeroom, skidding to a halt as we reached the door.

“Shit, St--Joe, you weren’t supposed to kill nobody,” one of the other gunmen hissed. With a great sense of dread my eyes lowered to the floor. To the body. My breath caught. There was no suggestion of life in the body. There would be no emergency surgery to remove the bullet from his brain. Just like that, a life was over.

“Oh, God…” I heard Nick gabble and then felt him move back away from me. “Oh, God…” I could tell he was a hair short of getting hysterical and spared him a glance and held up a hand to calm him. Not that he didn’t have perfectly good reason to be upset and frightened, but it wouldn’t help anything.

Gerard would still be dead on the floor.

And AJ would still have his hands raised in defense as he stared, mouth agape, into the barrel of the gun.

“Make a sound and I blow your head off,” the man with the gun warned, needlessly.

“I had to shoot him. The mother fucker had a gun. I had to do it,” the gunman justified his action to the other one.

The first one nodded his head. “I know but…shit…we get caught now, we’re screwed…” He moved over to where the body was sprawled lifelessly on the floor. He kicked the gun away from where it had fallen at our bodyguard’s side and bent down to pick it up.

“Make sure he don’t have another one on him, either,” the one holding the gun on AJ directed. The one referred to as Joe. The other guy had started to call him something else, I’d noticed, so I doubted Joe was his real name, but for lack of anything better to call him it worked.

The one getting Gerard’s gun scowled but started poking through Gerard’s pockets and patting him down searching for any other weapons. I saw him pulling Gerard’s wallet out and pocketing it, but said nothing. It didn’t feel real yet, that he was really dead. Murdered. My eyes flicked over to where Joe was still holding the gun on AJ.

He looked over at me, coldly. “You. Come here.”

I hesitated for only a moment before he swung the gun toward me. I nodded and moved closer. At least the gun wasn’t on AJ anymore.

“Get his coat off him. Real careful. Do anything stupid, I shoot your friend.”

I clenched my teeth as I saw the gun swing toward Nick, who froze like the proverbial deer in the headlights. I wanted to tell the man to just keep the gun on me, but figured that would only let him know that he’d guessed right that I was more worried about the others than for myself. A concern that grew far stronger as I heard what sounded like a muffled scream coming from the back room.

“Hannah!” AJ started trying to pull away from me, but I grabbed his shoulders and stopped him.

“Don’t,” I warned, even though my instinct was to rush back there as well. Doing so, though, would probably get us killed, and wouldn’t help whoever had screamed. This guy Joe was already going to go down for murder, so he’d have nothing more to lose by killing us, too.

As I pulled AJ’s coat from him and let it drop to the floor, Jenny and Jordan burst into the room, clearly frightened by something behind them. Joe lunged out to grab them, but Nick caught them first, pulling them close and wrapping his arms protectively around them. As Joe’s attention swayed from us, though, AJ broke away from me and made a dash for the back hall.

“AJ no!” I tried to grab him, but it was too late. Joe swung the gun toward him. I swore in that moment I could see his finger twitching on the trigger. There was no time to think about the consequences; I leapt forward, knocking him off balance.

The man bellowed an obscenity as the gun flew from his grasp and we toppled over. For a moment I was frozen. Had I just done that? God. He could have…he was reaching for the gun. I had to get it first! I reached out my arm, grabbing for the gun that was just out of reach. At least I was on top.

Unfortunately, he was situated slightly better than I, and was able to get his hand on the gun first. I grabbed his wrist, trying to force him to let go.

Unfortunately, I forgot about the other guy.

“Kev, look out!” I heard Nick call a moment too late to do anything about it. I felt something strange hit me in the back of the neck and felt every muscle in my body instantly contract. I tried to fight it, but the resulting pain was too great and I had to just give in and curled my body into a fetal position, trying to ease the strain on my muscles.

“Oh that is just fucking awesome,” I could hear the second thug babbling. “I never seen one of these up close…”

My muscles started to relax, but I was afraid to move. I wasn’t entirely sure what had happened, so I was afraid that if I moved it would happen again.

“Kev?” I heard Nick ask in a really small voice.

“I’m fine,” I assured automatically, although I wasn’t sure that was true. I hesitantly shifted my arm to try and see where the gunmen were.

Joe had gotten the gun back in his hands and was now getting back up. The other one was standing over me. “Don’t move or I shoot you again,” he warned, gleefully sounding like he wanted to do it anyway. Shoot me? I’d been shot? I did a mental check of my body and aside from a bit of lingering discomfort I didn’t feel pain. Realization dawned. Gerard must have had his taser gun on him. I relaxed considerably knowing what had happened to me.

I tensed almost immediately again though as AJ was shoved back into the room, followed by Hannah. They were both pushed over to where Nick and the kids were. “We almost done in there?” Taser Guy asked.

“The stupid shit can’t get the safe open,” the new thug on the scene replied. “Fuck, we gotta get out of here. We’ve been here too long.”

“So let’s just go, then,” Taser suggested.

“Not without the money,” Joe insisted. “We ain’t leavin’ with nothing.”

“So we take her with us,” the third guy countered, and I just knew he was leering at Hannah.

“You fuck—“ AJ lunged at him.

I heard a gun fire and the world stopped for just a moment. Then everything went into hyper drive as I jumped to my feet and tried to get to AJ, sure that he’d been shot.

Fortunately, he hadn’t. But the gun was aimed at him and his arms were spread out to his sides in surrender. “Don’t move, asshole. That was just a warning shot. You move a fucking inch and you’ll join your friend there.”

“I think he should anyway,” Taser announced, aiming the taser gun at him. I had to do something to get their attention off of AJ. I glanced around, trying to figure out my options. “Bam!” Taser yelled, crazily as he pretended to fire. Thank god he wasn’t the one with a real gun.

Hannah moved closer to Nick and the kids and he reached out to pull her closer still. The four of them huddled together as if it made them safer. The gun was still aimed at AJ, though, and that scared the bejesus out of me.

“Just…let her and the kids get out of here, okay? You’ve got me as--" I stepped forward, trying to draw their attention off of the others. And maybe get them out of there in the process.

The gun swung toward me and I could see that Joe was pissed off enough to actually shoot.

“On your knees,” he ordered, his eyes flashing.

I shook my head. “Just let th--"

“I said on your fucking knees!” He stepped closer to me, shoving the gun under my chin for a moment before grabbing my shoulder and trying to force me to get down.

I took a deep breath, for a moment regretting that I’d drawn all the attention to myself. I lowered myself carefully to my knees. Joe stepped around behind me and I felt the cold metal pressed once again to the back of my neck. I could feel it shaking ever so slightly from Joe’s rage. I heard a little clicking noise coming from the gun and was sure I was about to die.

“Everyone just chill,” the third guy said. “Take it easy and we’ll all be out of here in a few…” He paused a moment and held up a hand to indicate that everyone else should stay quiet, too. “Quiet…I think someone else is in here,” he hissed. “I’m gonna…” he turned and headed back down the hallway. “Yo, Hatch, you got it open yet?” The door shut behind him. Joe motioned for Taser to go get whoever else had come into the shop.

I heard a loud crash as whoever it was dropped something. I risked a glance up toward the security mirror in the corner. Howie!

“Howie get out!” I yelled to him, not regretting it even as I felt the gun slam against my head again, knocking me back to the floor. I heard a loud bang and felt something hit my face.

“No!” I heard Hannah scream as chaos erupted around me. I was too numb to really process what was happening at first. But then I felt someone lifting me to my feet again.

“You were hit?” Nick asked, peering at me worriedly.

I reached up and wiped the new blood from my cheek. The gun had gone off, but I couldn’t have been shot--my face was hit, not the back of my head. My eyes went to the floor and I could see that a little bit of the floor had been shattered by the bullet. I’d probably been hit by the debris. I shook my head carefully, still feeling shaky. “No, I--"

“Don’t fucking move,” Joe ordered, pointing the gun at us again. For the first time I noticed that he looked rather frightened. That didn’t make me feel better in the slightest. Quite the opposite, actually. Frightened people will do desperate things. I held my hands out to my sides so he could see them and know I wasn’t threatening.

“He still hasn’t got the stupid thing open,” the third guy came storming back into the showroom. “Stupid kid says that the combination must be wrong or something. Dumbass. He had the keys, though.” He tossed the keys over to Taser. “Go lock the fucking door, huh?”

“We can’t stay here. That guy has probably already called the cops. We gotta go,” Taser announced.

“Not without the fucking money,” Joe returned, through gritted teeth. “We ain’t doing this for nothing.”

“Fuck!” Taser cursed and headed back toward the front door.

“Don’t you leave,” Joe called after him.

Taser mumbled something indistinct, but I suspect not even knowing what, I didn’t miss anything.

“It would really be for the best if you let us all go,” I tried reasoning with Joe, keeping my voice calm and hopefully soothing. “If the police come and you have hostages, it would be a lot worse for you.” Joe only glared at me, but I went on. “I’m sure he has already radioed the police. They are probably on their way. Trust me, it will be a lot more trouble then it’s worth for you to hold us here. And you can focus your efforts on…getting the safe open. You won’t have to worry about if one of us is going to try an--"

“Besides, you keep us here, security is going to beat you up!” Jenny cut me off, stamping her foot and crossed her arms across her chest as she bravely stepped out from behind Nick. Though I did noticed that she had his t-shirt clutched pretty tight in her hand.

Joe’s eyebrows furrowed as he glanced at her. “Security?” he asked, looking at Nick appraisingly. If he recognized Nick, or the rest of us, we were going to be in even deeper trouble. Fortunately, these guys didn’t strike me as the sort that would be fans, so we still had a chance…if they didn’t pick up on the clues that had unwittingly been dropped that perhaps we weren’t their average holiday shoppers. At least we hadn’t on the covers of any major magazines recently. I also figured if they hadn’t recognized AJ (in my opinion anyway the most…distinguished looking of us…) we were probably in the clear. So far.

“They’re already on their way here, I bet,” Jordan announced, as he peeked out from behind Nick, not nearly as bold as his sister.

I caught Nick’s eye as he gently grasped Jenny’s arm and pulled her back. He nodded slightly at me, likely realizing the same thing that I had. He stooped and whispered something in Jenny’s ear before nudging her back behind him. The interaction didn’t go unnoticed by Joe.

“What’s this about security?” he asked.

“She means the police,” Nick smoothed it over.

“No,” Joe shook his head, eyeing him suspiciously. “I don’t think so.” He looked at me. “You said something about this guy radioing the police. Why would you all have a police radio?”

“He’s on the force,” Nick replied quickly. I hoped that Joe didn’t catch the slight questioning sound in his voice.

Joe snorted. “That guy? I seen his reflection, you know. That weren’t no cop.”

Nick looked quite smug as he replied, “You don’t think so? Why else would he have a police radio?” I gave him a warning look. Last thing we needed was for him to piss this guy off more.

“The point is,” I stepped in. “I really think it would be for the best if--"

Suddenly Jenny let out a blood-curdling scream.

I whirled around to see what it was, only to see her fleeing toward the back hallway.

Jordan, on the other hand, was frozen to the spot. Staring at Gerard’s dead body.

Oh God.

“Jenny!” I called out, heading after her. I saw Nick picking Jordan up and turning him away from the sight of the body.

“Damnit, get her back here,” Joe bellowed at me.

“Jenny, sweetie?” Hannah called as she hurried after us.

“No! You stay!” Joe called, but it was too late, she was already following me into the back hall, AJ on her heals. I wanted to tell him to stay with Nick, but we had more to worry about. I saw the third guy standing at the door at the far end and he turned as he heard us coming. He raised his gun and pointed it toward us.

Jenny screamed again and turned around, trying to find a way to escape. She opened the only door between us and the thug and disappeared down a flight of stairs. “Jenny, don’t go down there,” Hannah called after her.

“Stop there,” the guy ordered as he started toward us. Hannah had already started down the stairs after Jenny, but AJ and I stopped, blocking the door. At least Hannah and Jenny would be safe. At best, there was a way out down there. At worst, they were at least away from the guys with guns.

“It’s okay,” AJ assured him, holding his arms up defensively as the gun was aimed at him. “We weren’t trying to get away. The little girl just saw a dead body, man. Chill. Just let them go down there. She’s just a kid, she’s scared…”

The guy seemed to consider for a moment, then nodded. “Yeah, okay. There ain’t no way out that way anyway.” He licked his lips, looking back down to the basement again. “The kid can stay down there, but I want the girl back up here.” I felt AJ tense beside me and shot him a warning glance. He nodded slightly, but I could see the rage building. “You,” the guy looked at me. “Go get her and bring her back up here.”

I hesitated for a moment. “Can I get Jordy and let him go down there? The little boy,” I clarified. The guy said that there wasn’t a way out that way, but at least that would be getting the twins away from the guys with guns. Besides, Jenny would probably be scared down there all alone.

The guy licked his lips nervously and glanced downstairs, then back at me. “Yeah okay. Fine. He can go down there.”

“Go get Jordy,” I urged AJ before turning back to the thug. I knew I was pushing my luck, but I had to try. “I think Hannah should stay down there, too. You know. Keep an eye on the kids. The others should go down, too. The fewer people you have to deal with up here, the better, right? I mean…you won’t have to keep watching us all if they’re all downstairs.” His eyes narrowed and I had the feeling that I’d blown it. “You can keep me up here. You’ll still have a…hostage handy.” Hostage. That certainly had been among the last of my worries when we’d left the hotel that morning.

AJ returned, carrying Jordan, who was clearly terrified and was clinging to AJ with what appeared to be a death grip.

The guy frowned. “Yeah. All right. He can go down. And you. But you got sixty seconds to get the girl back up here or I shoot your friend in the other room there.”

I swallowed. That wasn’t how it was supposed to work. “No. Let the others go downstairs. Keep me up here. I won’t give you any problems.”

His glare hardened. “You ain’t calling the shots, and I don’t trust your ass. Now get the fuck downstairs.”

Shit.

“Kev, go,” AJ urged me, giving me a nudge. I glanced back at the storeroom door, feeling guilty about leaving Nick to fend for himself upstairs. If luck were with us all, though, it would only be a few more minutes before the police showed up and this thing was over.

Of course we’d still be late for our interview.

I can’t believe we missed that interview. It was really important, you know? It was supposed to--

You don’t care about the interview, do you? Sorry.

I’m just not…I think we’re out of time, doctor.

Session’s over.

First assessment: Patient is avoiding discussion and dealing with what he finds to be the more painful memories of his ordeal. Upon further discussion with his wife, it appears as though any time he gets close to talking to her about anything, he will change the subject or stop talking altogether. At her request, I have scheduled a couples counseling session in addition to his follow-up appointment.

***

Author's note: I apologize it took so long to get this chapter out--it was the chapter that would not end. lol. Thanks for your patience! I'll try not to take so long next time. Constructive criticism is always appreciated!