Nick looked through the sheer maroon curtains and watched her. She was smiling and spinning in the garden. She pushed her hair from her face as the wind blew it in her eyes. She always seemed to smile in his direction, but he knew that she didn’t see him. And as always like that she was gone. But she had been gone for a while now. He knew when he saw her, it wasn’t real. But that vision had never been in his thoughts of her. It wasn’t like his other memories. That was something completely unreal. He had never watched her dancing in the garden when she was there.

And now he couldn’t look out there and not see her. He turned away from the window and tried to push her out of his mind. He knew he had other things that needed to be taken care of. And already the day was almost over. Nick paced around the quiet living room not willing to commit to the decision of pushing her out of his mind. He always asked himself the same questions everyday. But the contemplations never lead to the answers he desperately needed to hear.

She had left, and they would never be answered. That was the final thought, the one that pushed him into the intense angry state he was always in. All he had wanted was someone he could be real with. Someone who loved him as much as he had loved her. He had been sure she had loved him the same, but she still had gone.

It was pitch black as he glanced out of the window again. Only then did he realize how dark the room was, so dark he could barely get to the lamp without bumping into something. He hated the night. It made him feel even more alone.

Nick let out a frustrated sigh and walked toward the kitchen. He flipped on the lights and looked around, there was a smell. A very bad one in fact. He soon found the source; a pile of dishes with what looked like had once been food. They had been sitting in the sink for longer than he could remember. With a grunt he turned the faucet on hot and doused the dishes with a large amount of soap. While the sink filled he walked over to the refrigerator to find something to eat. It was completely empty, not even a condiment left. He slammed the door shut and cursed to himself.

The last thing he had wanted to do was leave the house. He was sure that if he did, it would be the moment she would try to come back to him and he wouldn’t be there. Nick thought it over for a good thirty minutes before giving in to the pain in his stomach. He couldn’t recall the last time he had eaten, so it seemed his only option.

He pulled p to the convenient store after finding all of the grocery stores closed. It had been later than he thought. The clerk greeted Nick as he walked in the door. Nick nodded and continued into the canned food aisle. He bent down to grab a can of chili, seeing that it was his only option. That was unless he wanted to dine on cat food.

“Could I also get a bag of ice?” The woman’s voice came from behind him. Nick froze when he heard her. His heart began to race, it was Ashley’s voice. He spun around as she was grabbing the bags off of the counter. She was already pushing through the door when he could finally move. He ducked through the doors and into his car as she reached into the freezer for the ice. Her face finally came into view, it was her. He couldn’t believe it. Her long brown hair, her deep brown eyes. She looked exactly the same, he could swear down to her outfit. He tried to focus on how long it had been since he had seen her, but couldn’t. Time had simply stopped for him.

She turned on her car and pulled away. Nick followed behind her. She wasn’t going towards his house. He couldn’t believe she could have been this close the whole time. He wanted to hold her, to say how sorry he was for the last fight they had. She pulled into a driveway and stopped her car. Nick parked across the street and stepped out of the car unsure of what he would say. She collected the bags from the car and pushed the door shut with her hip.

“Ash?” Nick called out her name as she pushed the keys into the car door. She didn’t look up at first but a moment later looked his way. He smiled at her, “Hi.” She smiled back, “Hi.” He looked at her not speaking. She let out a nervous laugh, “Do you need help with something?”

Nick fumbled over his words afraid to ask the question, “Ashley?” She shook her head, “No, you must have me confused with someone else. Sorry.” She began to walk to her front door. Nick pushed the sadness away so that he could speak, “Sorry. You look like a girl I used to know.” She didn’t even turn back to face him as she unlocked the door, “It’s alright.” A second later she was through the door.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nick pushed into his house and slammed the door shut. The rotten smell from the kitchen seemed to have spread through the house. He stomped into the kitchen and flung the cabinet under the sink open. He poured a whole bottle of bleach down the drain and threw the empty bottle across the room.

‘Why would she lie to me like that?!’ The thought was accompanied by his fist slamming into the counter. ‘How could she run into the house and leave me standing there?’ He knew he’d have to try to talk to her again. ‘She was just surprised. Next time will go better.’ Nick tried to calm himself down by repeating the thought. He walked over to the empty bottle and picked it up. The basement door creaked softly as he walked past it. He pushed it closed and walked away from it quickly; the basement always seemed to creep him out. After throwing the bottle away he decided to call it a night.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nick sat patiently outside of her house. He spent all of his free time watching everything she did. He was starting to see she did things like clockwork. Always awake at seven on the weekdays and at work at ten till eight. She worked in a very plain building, not even a sign to tell him what exactly she did. On the weekends she was up by nine. Saturday seemed to be her relax at home day, but Sunday she went to the same diner for breakfast followed by typical errands.

It was finally Sunday. The one day he could run into her somewhere without it seeming as though he was following her. She emerged from the house right on time and drove directly to the diner. Nick followed and entered a few moments after she had settled into a booth. He casually looked in her direction. She was already looking up at him. She smiled and lowered her head quickly.

He slowly walked to her table and cleared his throat, “Excuse me?” She glanced up at him, “Hello again.” Her eyes moved back to the menu.

“Look I don’t mean to bother you again; I just wanted to apologize if I surprised you the other night.” Nick tried to keep his voice calm. She laughed, “No worries. I’m used to strange men approaching me at my home in the middle of the night.”

‘Strange?! What game is she trying to play?! She’s wearing the damn perfume I bought her!’ Nick’s thought was interrupted when she spoke again, “Did you find your long lost friend?” Nick couldn’t form words. ‘How can she look at me like that? She’s looking at me as though I were a complete stranger!’ He sighed, “No, no I didn’t.”

‘Fine, I’ll play your game. You can’t keep this up long.’ Her smile faded, “Oh. I’m so sorry,” she closed her menu, “do you…would you like to join me? I mean are you here alone?” Nick had to smile, “Yes, I’m here alone,” he paused and let out a short laugh, “sure if um, you’re not afraid of me anymore.”

She laughed and shook her head “no” while gesturing him to sit down. They were silent for a moment. She reached her hand across the table, “Hi, I’m Kate.” He took her hand, “Nick.”

“Nick,” she looked away shyly as she said his name, “so, are you new to the area?”

“I’ve lived here my whole life. “You?” Nick pulled a menu from behind the napkin holder and began to scan through it. Kate shook her head, “No. I moved here about four years ago. I had to get away from my parents. They were forcing all of these schools down my throat. I’ve never been one for school, so I came here and got a job that I could live with.” Nick could only nod his head, afraid he might scream at her lies. She sighed, “Sorry, I’m sure a no would have done just as fine! I just start talking sometimes.”

“No, I was interested.” Nick placed the menu back where he found it. She relaxed a little, “Alright. Well, what do you do? Are you a student?” Nick began to play with his fork, “I work. I spend my day at a computer fixing script errors on websites.” She leaned forward with interest, “Really? I think all of that computer coding is so cool, I could never understand it! Did you go to school for that or did you just sort of fall into it?”

He was surprised by how excited she was. ‘Who in there right mind thinks scripting is cool?’ He cleared the thought away, “Yeah, I took some classes by I don’t have e degree or anything.” He stopped as the waitress came to take their orders.

They spent the meal talking about all of the same things you talk to someone about when you first meet them. Nick held the door open as she walked out of the diner. She smiled at him as she walked past, “Thank you. You really didn’t have to pay; I mean if anyone should have paid it should have been me. I asked you to my table.” Nick pushed his hands into his jean pockets, “Don’t mention it.” He couldn’t stop all of the thoughts in his head. ‘The whole time! She just sat there and lied to me the whole time! Enough is enough.’

He was about to speak when she cut him off, “So do you think we could maybe bump into each other again?” She pretended to dig in her purse for her keys to avoid eye contact. He glanced around quickly thinking. His eyes stopped on hers and she smiled. He smiled back, “Yeah, sure.” Kate shifted her weight and looked at the asphalt, “Okay…how about tomorrow? We could maybe have dinner?”

Nick shook his head, “That would be great.” She bounced on her feet a little, “Alright. Why don’t we just meet at my house, around seven?” Nick pulled his hands out of his pockets, “Sounds good.” Kate tilted her head to the side and smiled, “Well…” she extended her hand and shook his, “See you tomorrow. Bye.” She softly giggled as she turned to her car. Nick watched her wave as she drove away and waved back. He turned to his car and walked to it slowly. ‘How long do I have to play this game? Why can’t she just let things go.’ He ended his thoughts deciding to talk to her about it tomorrow night.

The day had gone by slow, which was quite a change for him. Every time he looked at the clock it seemed like time hadn’t even moved. He was nervous. All he could think about was what he would say to put an end to this little game. He would simply explain to her that the past no longer mattered; all he wanted was to be with her.

Finally seven came and Nick parked his car in front of her house. He tried to calm his nerves as he knocked lightly on the door. Kate opened the door a second later and smile at him, “Hey, I was afraid you might not come.” Nick stepped through the door as she moved aside and motioned for him to come in, “Why would you think that?” She sensed the seriousness in his tone, “I was just kidding.” He turned and faced her, “Oh. Sorry.” She laughed a little, “Its okay,” she glanced around her living room, “So. Do you want me to show you around?”

“Yeah sure.” Nick noticed she was picking up on how uncomfortable he seemed. She played with her fingers as she started to move around the room, “Do you not feel comfortable in my house? Because we can just go, you don’t have to look around if you don’t want.” Nick sighed inwardly noting that he was acting a little stand-offish though he was trying not to, “No I’m fine. Just kind of reeling from a bad day, you know.” She smiled brightly, looking instantly relieved, “Well then we’ll have to work on cheering you up!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The night moved fast. They had a quiet dinner, Kate doing most of the talking while Nick battled to keep the words from flooding out of his mouth. He slowed the car to a stop in front of her house. ‘Just do it and get it over with!’ Nick put the car in park and turned to face Kate. She smiled sweetly as their eyes met, “Nick…I really like you.” His heart began to ache. ‘What if you say something and you lose her again? Maybe she just needs this to cope for now.’

“I really like you too.” Nick nervously avoided eye contact. Her voice became a soft whisper, “Do you want to kiss me?” ‘All I think about is kissing you.’ Nick didn’t respond and slowly leaned in kissing her softly. Kate leaned back gently touching her lips and smiled, “Wow.” Nick could feel himself blushing and didn’t know why; he had kissed her a hundred times. She snickered as she saw him begin to blush, “You want to see me again?” He shook his head “yes” too embarrassed to speak.

She pulled a piece of paper and a pen from her bag, “How about I give you my number and you can just call me.” Nick smiled and finally looked her way as she handed him the paper. Slowly she leaned in and kissed him again. When she pulled back she looked at him for a moment before hurrying out of the car and into her house. She gave a wave before closing the door behind her.

Nick sat parked for a couple of minutes trying to gather his thoughts. The feeling of kissing her had been so different than he remembered. It felt so much better than it ever had before, he was sure of it. She had felt it too; he had seen it in her eyes. Nick let out a deep breath and began to drive away.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
He couldn’t wait to see her again, calling her the minute he arrived home from work. She answered the phone on the first ring, “Hello?” Nick cleared his throat, “Kate, its Nick.” He could hear the smile in her voice, “Hi. I’ve been waiting like five minutes to hear from you!” Nick laughed, “Guess I’m pretty obvious huh?” She bit her lip and giggled, “It’s alright. I was hoping you would call.”

“I want to see you.” The words came out of his mouth before he could stop them. The silence seemed to extend forever until he heard her voice again, “I want to see you too. Why don’t you come over? Or I could come over there.” Nick frowned remembering how much worse it seemed to smell in the house since the other day, “How about I just come over to your house.”

Kate opened the door before Nick even knocked, “I heard your car.” She reached for his hand to lead him into the house. He couldn’t control himself. The gentle touch of her hand, the familiar smell of her perfume, how soft and beautiful her face looked when she smiled. Nick pulled her back to him and embraced her in a passionate kiss. She softly moaned from shock but began to kiss him back.

She lowered her heels back to the floor as she relaxed. He gently broke the kiss realizing how much he must have surprised her, “Sorry.” She stepped back still holding his hand, “Why don’t you come help me in the kitchen? I thought we could just eat something here.” Nick softly sighed in relief that she had taken it well, “Alright. But I don’t know a thing about cooking.” She raised an eyebrow, “Well, you’re in luck because neither do I! So you will have no one critiquing you.” They laughed as they walked into the kitchen. Kate released his hand and opened the freezer door, “Okay, I’ve got pizza, tots, some chicken fingers, and an eggo that I hope is blueberry.”

“Pizza’s sounds great.” Nick leaned against the counter. She spun around with the pizza in hand and bumped the freezer door shut with her hip, “Good because I can’t remember when the other items were purchased!” Nick chuckled as he walked over to the oven, “What does it need to be set at?” She searched the box over a few times before she found it, “Um…four hundred.”

Nick smiled to himself, remembering the time she had tried to make him macaroni and cheese for lunch. She hadn’t read the directions and had put the cheese powder in the water. He had eaten it and pretended to like it.

“What are you smiling about?” Kate looked at him while tapping her fingers on the box, trying to hide a smile. Nick shook his head, “Nothing.” She glared at him mockingly, “Something wrong with the speed I did that at?” He tried to hold back laughter. She cocked her head to the side and laughed, “You are so mean!” He watched her begin to look for something to throw at him and quickly moved over to hold her arms, “You did that at excellent speed.”

“Damn right I did!” She said with a laugh and then turned to the counter to pull the pizza out of the box.

The talk during dinner was more flirty and comfortable for Nick than it had been the night before. He hadn’t felt sure about the boundaries before, being so used to saying and doing whatever in front of her before. Now he was trying to be cautious not to push things too far, let her set the pace.

They stood side by side in the kitchen cleaning their plates and glasses. Playfully splashing water and wiping soap suds on one another. Nick had missed that, just knowing she was there and making her laugh. “What?” Kate gently nudged him with her shoulder. Nick looked back down at the water, “I didn’t say anything.” She rolled her eyes, “You were staring at me with these lovey eyes!” He splashed her again, “I was not.”

“I saw lovey eyes.” She teased with a smile. Nick ignored her, feeling a little embarrassed. She watched his body language change, “I was just playing with you.” He looked down into her apologetic eyes, “I know.” She pushed herself up on her tip-toes to give him a quick kiss. Before she knew it the quick kiss had lead to her being lifted up onto the counter while they feverishly kissed.
Nick slid his hands under her shirt and began caressing her back. “Wait,” she pushed him away and tried to catch her breath, “I don’t know if I’m ready to do this.” Nick took a step back and ran a hand through his hair, “Okay.” She bit her lip and straightened her shirt, “I don’t just go around sleeping with people.” Nick shook his head, “Neither do I.” Kate placed her hand on her forehead, “It’s just that, I barely know you. It’s…isn’t this fast?”

‘You barely know me?!’ Nick could feel his rage begin to build inside again. He didn’t answer her question for fear he would end up screaming at her. She looked at him with concern, “Well?” He pulled in a deep breath, “We’ll just wait until it’s comfortable. I don’t want to force you into anything.” She shook her head but with a far away stare, “But…I. The thing is I do feel comfortable,” she paused, “do you think I’m a slut?”
Nick sighed and moved close to touch her face, “No. Look, I’m not planning on doing something like this and then go running off.” She let out a nervous laugh, “But I don’t even have your phone number.” Something about the statement made Nick laugh. Kate began to laugh as well. He touched her face again after he controlled his laughing, “Listen, we don’t have to do this tonight.” She smiled, feeling more relaxed, “No…I want to.” She pulled him in and kissed him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nick stepped into the house noticing all of the lights were off. Her car was in the driveway, but perhaps she had gone somewhere with someone, “Ashley?” Nick got no response. He walked to the table by the couch and clicked the lamp on. Nothing in the room seemed strange; he was probably getting worked up for nothing. He walked back to the bathroom and flipped the switch with his elbow while unbuttoning his dress shirt.

Something clanked across the floor as Nick walked to the sink. He reached down picking up an empty prescription bottle. His blood ran cold. The whole bottle of pain killers was gone. He raced to the bedroom and tried to turn the knob. It was locked. He began to bang on the door while screaming at the top of his lungs, “Ashley! Open the door! Ashley!”

He hit the door with enough force to break it free of the hinges. He rushed to her; she was lying still on the bed. She was cold to the touch but he still tried, he had to. She wouldn’t breathe and she had no pulse. Tears began to flow from his eyes as he shook her and pushed in on her chest over and over.

Nick’s eyes flew open and he sat up. He was covered in sweat. He reached over to Kate who was asleep on the bed beside him. She let out a soft grunt and repositioned her head on the pillow. He tried to slow his heart and took in deep breaths. He always had that dream, it was his worst fear. He shook the feeling and pushed up from the bed.

Quickly he dressed and sat beside Kate on the bed, “Hey.” He whispered in her ear while gently rubbing her back. She barely opened her eyes, “Hey.” He touched the side of her face, “I need to get home. I have work in the morning.” She nodded her head. He leaned over and kissed her cheek, she smiled. He quietly closed the front door and walked to his car. He drove home with the dream still playing through his mind.