From the bird’s eye view I got way up here in our hotel room, I could see Marcus and Drew making sure that Brian, Kevin and Howie got into the van safely. We had to draw the shortest straws earlier, during breakfast in fact, when Jared told us that we would be separated to do in studio radio interviews or radio press junket right in the comfort of our hotel room. I kid you not when I say, none of us wanted to go out and do in studio interviews. Especially not when it’s a rainy day, when all you want to do is stay in bed, warm and hopefully ending up with a belly full of hotel food.

I drew the first short stick and sat back to witness the rest of the draw. Kevin and Howie already drew one of the longest and were okay with going out by that point. Howie figured if it means walking around and looking at different things instead of stuck in a hotel room with countless calls, he’d be okay. This puzzled me too cause well, Howie and cell phone never had a bad relationship, ever.

“Well Nick, it’s down to you and me now buddy.” Brian grinned, much too widely for Nick, if I may say so myself.

“I bet a hundred bucks you’re gonna draw the short stick.” Nick said.

“Aww buddy come on, you never know.” Brian said.

“I do know. I have bad luck, it follows me around like a shadow I swear.”

Brian drew the shortest straw and Nick actually laughed. “See? I told you!”

But Nick ended up staying with me at the hotel because Brian felt like shopping for Baylee clothes while out. He also convinced Nick that this way, he wouldn’t have to bear with his shopping spree should we go out as a group later. Nick and shopping never had a good relationship.

Everyone knew though that it was Brian’s way of giving Nick a break. In fact, I do believe Nick knew this too. If he weren’t already in a foul mood, I would have expected Nick to refuse the offer. The last thing he wanted was a sympathy vote and being given extra special care, as if he was made of glass.

I watched as the van pull away and drove down the streets. It was drizzling and if I had remembered correctly, Drew mentioned about it being 45 degrees. That was cold. I couldn’t help but worry for their safety. The roads would be slippery and fans could get out of control.

The soft flush coming from the bathroom and Nick clearing his throat as he appeared got my attention. In the back of my mind, I was telling myself that the guys would be all right. They would come back safe and sound for sure.

I just watched from where I was standing, next to the tinted window, as Nick looked around the huge room. His bed head screaming for some decent combing. His flushed cheeks and tired eyes didn’t escape unnoticed either.

“They left already?”

“Just.” I said, tapping the window and staring back down, where the van was a second ago.

“Oh.”

“Kenneth left your meds by the coffee table. Kevin expects you to take them. I expect you to give me no troubles and do as told.”

There was no smartass reply from him, which wasn’t something I was thankful for. See, Nick and smart ass remarks work together. When he seemed unusually quiet, I would bet all my money that he was in a foul mood. Which is understandable since he was feeling a bit under the weather. But being in the same room with a foul mood Nick? Not good.

“Nick?” I said, just to make sure he heard me.

“Yeah I heard you.” He said as he reached out for a blueberry muffin and plopped on the chair next to the coffee table. “I feel very English.”

“I feel very sick.” I said.

“Of me being English?” He asked. I was about to tell him how slow he could be some times but he smirked and shook his head and I realized he was just joking.

“We can share medicines.” He said, grabbing the plastic bag where his meds were and waving it a little. “There’s a lot for the both of us.” And he wasn’t joking either.

“Damn Nick, I thought it’s just the headache.”

“I thought so too.” He said, biting on the muffin hungrily. At least he still had his appetite. “So what’s wrong with you?”

What’s wrong with me? Lets see. I’m just too tired. It’s one of those days where you woke up and want nothing more than to go back to sleep. This was one of the things we knew we were readily giving up on when we decided to do this again. And there were times when I go ‘why?’; of course those times now come rarely, but hey, I’m human.

“Just tired.”

“But you’re not, sick, sick are you?” Nick asked. I could tell he was already suspicious of me. Now he was studying me from head to toe. I rolled my eyes. “Fever? Cold? Anything?”

“Achy.”

He nodded. “I bet.”

My phone started ringing and it almost choked Nick. Died of blueberry muffin wasn’t a nice way to go.

“Purrrraaaa!!! Purrrrraaaa!!!!” He squealed, now he looked like he almost died of laughter. I don’t know why he thought it was funny that I had this crazy frog ringtone. He was the one who wanted a freaking tattoo of that animal somewhere on his body!

It was Kevin.

“Dang, missed me already?”

“Not really.”

“Right.”

“Is that little brother of yours there with you?”

I looked over at Nick, who was now busying himself reading the labels to all his medicines.

“Right here, yup.”

“Is he feeling up to it?”

“Up to what?”

Frustrated sigh. “The interviews.”

“Yeah, good to go.”

“Is he taking those meds?”

“You wanna talk to him?”

Nick looked up, finally realizing he was the subject to my telephone conversation. He had the ‘who’s that?’ look on his face. The plan was to look casual about it but the first thing I did when our eyes met was to turn away. I knew there was no way I could recover from there and pretend it didn’t happen.

“You didn’t just say that out loud.” Kevin groaned.

“I…did.”

“Now he’ll think I’m checking up on him behind his back.”

“Well, isn’t that what you’re doing?”

“NO!”

“Uhuh.”

“I figured he’d still be in the bathroom.”

“Sure Kev.”

Nick looked away and started messing with his cell phone. I guess he was tired of listening to a one sided conversation which was obviously about him. Perhaps he was thinking, 3 can play this game. He was going to call someone and pretend he wasn’t interested in whatever it was I was talking about on the phone.

“Yeah Howie? Can you tell Kevin to call me if he wants to check up on me and not AJ?”

Oh oh. Here we go.

Isn’t here we go an nsync song?

“Nope, that is all. Bye.” Nick said and then got off and headed to the bed, the one that we were sharing for the night.

“Oh shit.”

“That’s about right Kev.” I said.

“I’m gonna call him now.”

“You wanna hear what I think you should do?”

A scoff. “What.”

“Give him a lil shout out on the radio.”

“He wouldn’t be able to hear it.”

“He lurks Livedaily Kevin.”

“Oh right.”

The plan was to talk to him before the whole madness started, give him hints that Kevin was just making one of those social calls like he always did. But Kenneth came in shortly after and started briefing us on the radio stations that were going to call us. We got ten calls each, six from US and four from overseas. I took up residence on the carpeted floor next to the bed, leaning my back on the bedspread that had slightly slipped. Nick decided to stay in bed and answer his calls there.

I was on my first call when I heard Kenneth making a fuss at the back, whispering loudly to Nick to take his medicines. I had to smirk and I guess the DJ heard me and asked what’s so funny.

“Nick is.” I said. It lasted for twenty minutes. The first phone call always tend to stretch cause we feel the need to say things out. By the sixth interview, I was beginning to ache and felt very redundant. I heard Nick mentioning my name a lot, the topic of my sobriety seemed to be a hot one to discuss.

I would hear him stalling when the topic about Paris came up or when it shifted to his family. Nick and I connected a lot in that manner. I grew up having to cope with the understanding that this was how I was going to grow my life, without a father. I always thought it was unfair how I missed out on not having a dad in my life. At least Nick knew how that feels like.

Of course now, it wasn’t any easier on him. How do you let go of what was once a perfect family? To know that you had it and now it’s gone. I never really had to let go of anything. I remember being asked how difficult it was to let go of my grandparents after they had passed away. I keep telling them, I never let go, I just moved on.

And how difficult was it to let go of something when that something is still around? It’s not like his family all died on him. Sure my dad is still alive, but I don’t really know who my dad is in the first place.

I got up, stretched silently while listening to the next question this DJ was going on about. It’s hard to make out some of the words, it’s a radio station calling all the way from London. I felt myself shiver involuntarily before acknowledging how cold I was. Lethargy hit me next, like a wall of bricks.

Kenneth was sitting on that same chair Nick was on earlier, marking off from the list of radio stations that we had done so far.

“…feel like being sober?”

How about making some new refreshing questions?

“It feels great! Never been better,” I stole a glance Nick’s way. He was sitting cross legged, blanket covered him from the wait down, phone stuck to his ear, head resting on his palm of his hand, which was propped on his lap. “almost 3 years sober now and it’s only getting better.”

I realized he had one of those ice packs pad on his forehead. I swear those things were for kids. Like, 10 year old kids. Definitely not 25.

I felt myself shiver again and decided that I was going to fall sick too. For some reason, that actually almost made me giggle. This could be the start to our first ever Backstreet bug since we got together again!

“How would this album differ from your previous albums?” This question undoubtedly would receive an auto pilot answer from me. I knew this question too well. As I told her what I thought about it, I sat at the foot of the bed and lie down. God that felt good.

“Better not be sleeping AJ.” I heard Kenneth whispered. I waved at him lazily.

“AJ’s right here, chilling.” I looked up and found Nick now on a new position. His legs outstretched underneath that blanket, his toes now just inches away from my shoulder.

“It’s been nice talking to you again AJ. Are there plans to have a full tour here in the UK?”

“Yes we do. UK is definitely in the plans. I’m not sure about the dates for now, but I can guarantee you, we’re coming there for a full concert. We miss you guys over there!”

Once that interview was done, I closed my eyes and waited for the next call. Nick was giggling now so that got my attention. He had that cooler pack on his shoulder now, just hanging there. His face looked flushed and that got me checking out my own temperature. I was a little bit warm.

“We used to have this farting game. Whoever rip the loudest wins.”

What the hell.

I think that got Kenneth’s attention too cause he was up and walking towards Nick.

“The smelliest? Naw, we usually don’t admit to that one!”

What the…

“AJ is looking at me funny now.”

“Whatever he said, he’s lying!” I yelled. That got a good laugh out of him.

I grabbed the list that Kenneth had left on his seat and looked it over. It was always a nice surprise to see that that was my final call. I honestly thought I had a couple more. Nick was down to one more call. I took the plastic bag that had his medicines, hoping to find something for the fever that I was sure I was getting.

There was one.

It also said ‘caution, will cause drowsiness’.

Right.

“Yo Ken, did Nick take these pills? The one for fever?”

“Yeah, he did.”

Nick looked at us as if to say ‘lower it down, I can’t hear what this person is talking about!’.

“Did you read what it said?”

Kenneth frowned and walked back to me. I told him what it said and he wasn’t happy about that.

“They shouldn’t prescribe him something like that. They know he can’t afford to sleep now.”

“Maybe they felt that’s what Nick needs now.”

Kenneth sigh. “I know AJ, but he’s going to have to take these for a few days and we can’t afford him drowsy every time he takes it. I’m gonna have to ask for another prescription. Better yet, I’m gonna have to bring them here and give each of you that shot.”

“Sounds good to me. But I need to take a couple of these myself, I’m sick.”

“Not you too.”

“Me too.”

“I’m not sure if you can take them though. It’s prescribed for Nick.”

“It’s for fever Ken. I will live.” I said and then popped two.

I didn’t even know what happened after that. I let the drowsiness took over and fell asleep.

The first time I woke up, it was for two things.

One, someone had just slammed the door, hard.

Two, Nick’s foot hitting my shoulder when he jerked; obviously from the slamming of the door.

I was still half awake, drowsy from the medication. Nick I noticed, didn’t even bother to wake up, still deep in sleep.

Brian was pacing the room but stopped when he saw me.

“Bone, sorry, go back to sleep.”

While that was very tempting, I wasn’t about to without asking.

“Did you just slam the door dude?”

Brian sighed and walked over. He was beyond upset. “My fault, sorry. I’m pissed.”

“Of?”

“Well,” Brian smiled as he sat on the edge of the bed. “we’re under bed arrest if that makes sense.”

“No it doesn’t.”

“Apparently we’re spreading the bug so before that got around, you, me and Nick are under bed arrest. Hi, I’m your new roomie tonight.”

I groaned. “For how long?”

“Hopefully not long. We still have stuff to do tomorrow. They’re just waiting on the doc to come in with the shot.”

“Still doesn’t explain why you slam the door Rok. It’s not like you.”

He bit his lower lip. That was weird. “I got Leigh and Baylee over for today and tomorrow.”

“And?”

“And they won’t even let me see him for a sec.” He fumed. “I’m his father damn it. And Kevin and Howie actually agreed and told me to get back inside!”

Oh, I felt dizzy now. Real dizzy.

“You know Brian, I think they did that for Baylee’s sake. You don’t want him to catch whatever the heck we’re getting now. It’ll be twice as bad on kids.”

Brian shook his head but he was smiling. “I feel like a bad dad.”

“No you’re not. You miss him.”

“Well hell, what the heck am I gonna do here? I don’t feel like sleeping and there’s nothing on tv. I feel so useless.”

I felt Nick moved around in bed and by the time I turned, he was already up, one leg already out of bed. I hoped I didn’t look as awful.

“Where you going Nick?” Brian asked.

“Throw up.”

I swallowed. Never a fan of that smell. I closed my eyes and tried to fall back to sleep.

“To your left Nicky, not right!” I heard Brian called out. I smirked.

“I think you’re gonna feel very useful here Brian.”

I couldn’t remember if he said something to me, I tuned everything out the moment I heard Nick gagging in the toilet.

The rest of my sleep was a restless one. I was constantly awaken by the shuffling of feet, that belonged to Brian. Nick was at his worst. Full blown fever and I was slowly getting there. It was weird but I was comfortable sleeping where I was, inches away from Nick’s feet.

I felt like stretching but something stopped me.

“Shhh…it’s going to be okay. You’re just really sick right now.”

Something about Brian whispering got me to continue pretending to be asleep. Nick sounded like he was drunk, his speech was slurred. But I know he wasn’t drinking, just the medication doing its work.

“You’re a great dad Brian.”

Brian giggled. “Thanks for the vote of confidence bro.”

“No really, yewwar.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Baylee’s lucky he got yew.”

“He’s a lucky kid.” Brian said. “Now you put that ice pack back on your head. We gotta lower down that temperature before you blow up.”

“I’m not lucky.”

“You’re lucky.”

“Yeah I guess I am…I’m not poor…got a house…wait, a lot of houses….”

“Yes, a couple.” Brian laughed.

“Cars…I have cars Brian.”

“You have those too.” Brian whispered.

“And I got a dad…AJ doesn’t have one…poor AJ.”

“Well, AJ has one just…”

“His dad doesn’t want him.”

“Why don’t you go back to sleep Nick?”

“My dad doesn’t want me too, so…I guess I understand.”

“He wants you Nicky, don’t say that.”

“Course he wants me. I got money.”

“I’m sure it’s because he loves you too baby. You’re sick, you’re not thinking straight right now.”

Now Nick was crying. Like sobbing crying. I had to shift and turned the other way cause I couldn’t trust myself to pretend any longer.

“Naw…he’s got another baby on the way. Another Carter in this world. Bless the kid, he’s gonna wish he wasn’t born.”

“Shhhh Nick, don’t say that!”

“Why? I wish I was never born!”

“Now see, that’s your fever talking again. Don’t you wanna know me? The guys? Be a Backstreet Boy?” Brian was beginning to sound like the way he would be when he talked to Baylee. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to laugh or cry.

“I wanna be that. I love you guysireallydo. Yewwar ma family.”

“Yes we are.”

“Hey Brian.”

“Yeah?”

“Imma gonna have a step brother younger than Baylee. That’s fucked up.”

“It’s a weeeiirrddd woorrllddd don’t you know it?” Brian sang and then giggled. Nick laughed.

“Shhh, can’t wake AJ up.” Nick said.

“Good point.”

“I’mma sleep. My head hurts.”

“You do that.”

I wasn’t sure if Nick really slept after that or if Brian had to endure more random talk from him cause I fell asleep. When I woke up, I could still feel the dried tears at the corners of my eyes and on my cheeks. I felt Nick’s foot digging on my shoulder and turned to hit it, only to find that it belonged to Brian.

There were voices in the room and I saw Howie coming up to me.

“Dude, are you sick too?”

“Not really.” Howie said. “But we’re all getting the shot so Kevin figured what’s the difference anyway. And Brian here got sick running around playing Nick’s maid.”

I scoffed. “That boy was talking a mile per second or something.”

“I thought you were asleep? Brian said you never woke up.”

Darn I got caught.

“You wanna sleep D? We still have space in here…somewhere.”

“Couch is nice, thanks anyway.”

Kevin got Nick to wake up and sent him to the bathroom to clean up before the doctor came. Nick wasn’t rambling anymore, so that was good.

“Should we wake Brian?”

Howie shook his head. “Lets give him a few more minutes. Nick’s gonna be hogging the toilet for awhile anyway.”

I groaned. “Stop right there.”

“This is fun AJ.”

I stared at him. “Cause you got it easy Howard.”

“My point exactly.”

I groaned again.

“Cheer up AJ, it’s our first Backstreet bug. You’ll laugh at this some day.”

We ended up sleeping at the same room that night. Kevin had refused to let anyone else in to take care of the guys in fear of the bug spreading around. Brian, Nick and I shared the bed since we got it worst. Kevin actually ordered two more mattresses to be brought in for him and Howie.

The only time where we were all awake at the same time was somewhere between 2 to 3 in the morning. Brian needed a new ice pack, I needed a potty break, Howie was actually on the phone with someone and Kevin was explaining to Nick about the call he made to me earlier that day because Nick refused to let Kevin come anywhere near him.

Once my head hit the pillow again, I closed my eyes and let the random shuffling and soft whispers lulled me back to sleep.

I woke up the next day feeling much better. I guess the shot really did help. There was no appearance anywhere so that was a relief, just a few magazine interviews and a little photo shoot that promised us no changing of clothes. If Nick remembered what he said to Brian last night, he definitely wasn’t showing it. We hopped into the van every morning like we did for the past few months, another string of activities stretched ahead of us for the day.

The way we had come to look at it, you can cry and feel sorry for yourself, but don’t let it consume you. Once those tears are out, emotions poured, you move on with your life, cause if there’s one thing I learnt these days, living is a 24/7 thing. If you stop, what’s the point of living anyway?

Hope you guys like it!! Till next time, happy Backstreet high! lmao