Seventeen-year-old Nick Carter stood next to his best friend, Brent’s younger sister, Gwen as she tinkered with her father’s car. Since he was out of town there was really nothing that he could yell at her about. Besides when he came back his car would run with nothing but precision.

Gwen was two years younger than Brent and had inherited their grandmother’s coloring. Her black hair fell to her mid-back and was pulled back into a braid. Her eyes were a dark, emerald green and heavily lashed. Her complexion was ivory with a wild sprinkle of freckles a crossed her high cheekbones and small, straight nose. In fact most of her features were like a china dolls.

Even though she had just turned fifteen she had just entered the eleventh grade and it really made Brent upset that she was so smart. Never mind the fact that she was still a year behind him in school.

“When exactly did Brent say he was going to be back?” Nick asked impatiently. Brent had asked him to come over and then when he had shown up, no Brent insight.

Gwen slammed the hood down on her father’s car and started wiping the grease off of her hands and face before turning to him and saying, “Don’t you hear them coming down the street Carter?”

Ok so they didn’t exactly get along in fact Gwen really just hated Nick, always acting like he and Brent were so much better than her.

The family car pulled in and Brent jumped out the door before it had even pulled to a complete stop, “Hey Nick.”

“Brent. You really need to teach your sister some manners.”

Brent grinned. “Not my job.”

Their mother, Amber smiled at them, “Gwen, were you playing with your father’s car?”

Gwen smiled innocently at her mother, “No ma’am. I know that I’m not allowed to touch Daddy’s car without his permission.”

Amber nodded knowingly, “OK. As long as you weren’t.”

She cast Brent and Nick an exasperated look before walking inside.

“Hey Gwen here’s a hint. Next time you lie to Ma’s face make sure all of the grease is off your face.” Brent took the greasy rag from her hand and wiped a spot off her face.

“Go to hell,” She muttered under her breath before stomping away.

Nick watched her go and wondered exactly what it was about him that she didn’t like. He tried being nice to her but damn she tried his patience. Together he and Brent went for a walk while Brent caught him up about what was happening at the local high school.


Two Years Later


She was dead. Gwen had watched her mother die right in front of her. She stood in front of the open casket her lips trembled and her dark eyes shone with unshed tears. Her black dress was straight and unadorned. Her dark hair pulled back into a severe bun.

Off to the side Brent stood beside his father and Nick. He wasn’t nearly as affected by their mother’s death as Gwen. The one thing that bothered him about the whole affair was that Gwen hadn’t cried at all. She had been the closet one to their mother and the fact she wasn’t crying made him worried.

“Dad maybe I should take Gwen home. She’s not dealing with this well,” Brent said bringing his dad’s attention swinging back to him.

“No. She’s dealing perfectly fine. She needs to stay.” His voice was hard when he answered.

Brent nodded and then nodded at Nick, who already knew that his friend wanted. Silently he slipped away from the group and over to Gwen.

“Gwen come on let’s get out of here. You haven’t slept recently have you?” He asked taking her elbow and gently leading her out of the funeral home and to his car.

She was silent as she slid into the passenger’s seat, “Are you going to talk to me Gwen?”

“What’s there to talk about? Mom’s dead. Dad doesn’t care what happens to me, never has. It’s good for me to leave the funeral home right now. People will be coming by later and I don’t have anything prepared for them.”

“They don’t expect you to feed them. Why aren’t you crying?” He countered before turning toward the beach.

“What’s the point in it? Nick did you ever cry when anyone from the retirement home died?”

“Yeah. It’s part of the healing process. It’s perfectly ok to cry.”

“That’s not what Daddy said. He said that it was weak.”

She suddenly seemed to shrink when Nick looked at her while pulling off to the side of the road, “Up for a little hike?”

“Huh? What this isn’t home.”

Nick smiled gently, “Good deduction. Come on this is a good place to think. I’ll call Brent in a little bit to tell him where you are.”

She nodded, “OK. Lead the way.”

Nick walked over and opened her door and held his hand out. Hesitantly she took and he tenderly pulled her to her feet. He had slipped his shoes off while driving and to her he looked kind of funny standing their in dress slacks and a dress shirt with a loosened tie hanging. She slid her little flats off and let him guide her toward the waves.

In silence they walked hand in hand not even realizing what was going on around. Luckily the beach was deserted and no one was around to see the youngest backstreet boy member walking with his best friend’s little sister.

Gwen thought about what happened a few days ago. Why had she listened to her mother? Why hadn’t she called an ambulance? If she had then her mother would have still been alive and laughing.

Flashback

“I have to go away baby girl,” Amber said softly. “Don’t try and help me. Promise me you won’t call an ambulance. Promise me Gwenie. I can’t stay here anymore.”

“What about Brent and me? Don’t we matter?”

Amber put the glass to her lips. “Of course you do but sweetie I can’t take your father being gone.”

“Mama you can’t leave us. You can’t, we need you. Daddy is always gone. Who’s going to help us with our homework, whose going to cook dinner for us now?”

“You’ll have to do that do that now Gwen. Promise me you’ll help the world; protect everyone, especially Brent and Nick. You know how they like to get in trouble.” Amber wandered into the living room, her strength waning as she lied her body down on the couch, her only wishes had yet to be answered.

“I promise Mommy. I promise.” Gwen responded following her mother suddenly feeling like a five-year old little girl again.

“Good girl. Hold my hand for a few minutes baby. Always remember I love you and Brent.”

Gwen watched as her mother, closed her eyes and take her last shuddering breath, “Mommy! Mommy!”
End Flashback

“Mommy!” Gwen shouted falling to her knees, wrapping her arms around her waist.

Nick fell down beside her, “Gwen. Come on what’s wrong?”

Tears streamed down her face, “Don’t leave me Mommy. Don’t leave me.”

Tenderly Nick took her face in her hands, “Look at me. Gwen, look at me.”

Her eyes seemed to focus on his face, “I killed her. I killed her, Nick. She told me not to call an ambulance. She drank something.”

He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her tight against him, not knowing what to say. What was there to say, her mother had committed suicide and no one in their family knew why, except Gwen. “What’d she drink Gwen?”

“I don’t know but she must’ve hated us.” Tears soaked the front of Nick’s shirt.

Gently he was able to reposition her to where she was nestled in his lap, her face buried into his chest.

When he took her home, Brent was on the front porch pacing a hole into the flooring. Softly Nick shut his car door and moved around to the passenger side where Gwen was sleeping. After unbuckling her seatbelt he soothingly picked her up, and took her toward her brother.

All thoughts that were going through Brent’s head disappeared as he took in his sister’s sleeping, tear-stained face. He had no idea that their mother’s death that he had not only lost his mother but his sister as well.

Nick had always been so good at reading his friend’s mind but after listening to Gwen cry things out about how she and Brent didn’t matter, he had to wonder if things would ever be the same.

Present Day- Dublin, Ireland


He’d dreamt of her and it shocked him to the core. How the hell was he supposed to move on with his love life if every time he got a girlfriend, his thoughts always came back to her? Of course it was his entire fault, but she hadn’t even tried to stop him.

Nick Carter dragged his hand through his slightly long hair. It was past due for a hair cut but with the promo tour and what not going on around him he never had time. When was he ever going to get over her? As it was it hurt every time Brent had mentioned her, he hadn’t known about them seeing one another.

When he entered his hotel conference room he knew something was up. The guys were standing around acting innocent and a chair faced the wall. Johnny was talking to whoever was sitting in the chair in hushed tones and it made Nick cautious as he entered the room.

“Late as always Carter, are you ever going to learn?” a soft voice asked.

He stood in the doorway frozen to the floor, it wasn’t the voice that had him stop, no it was the same scent that had haunted him for five years. He could hear her laugh ringing in his ears and saw her eyes sparkling.

“Don’t just stand there Nick. Aren’t you going to give your best friend’s sister a hug?” To anyone else the question would seem innocent but to his ears he heard her mocking him and underlying that a sense of hurt that confused him to no end.

He walked forward as she stood up from the chair and turned to face him. Her hair the same black-blue, her eyes had darkened to a deep emerald and she hadn’t grown at all. She still didn’t look a day older than seventeen, “What are you doing here Gwen?”

Her smile was strained. “I’m your new bodyguard. You can handle that can’t you even with our history?”

God she had to say that, didn’t she? What was he supposed to say, no? So many responses rang through his head. “Yeah I can handle that.”

“Are you positive you two can work together?” Johnny asked taking the seat Gwen had just vacated.

Gwen slipped an arm around Nick’s waist and settled her head on his upper arm, “Yeah we can. There were a few times when we worked really well together. Isn’t that right Nicky?”

Nick could only nod and hope that the others wouldn’t have picked up on the hint of their past relationship.

“That’s good because you’ll be sharing a room, since Nick is the only one that isn’t currently sharing.”

Gwen’s eyes darkened at the thought of the few times they had shared a room and even the beach. Her mind didn’t need to go very far to dig up old memories and the hurting after the break-up.

“So what is this meeting about?” Howie asked moving to look out the conference window.

“We’ve been asked to do a benefit concert and I’ve agreed to it. That is why Miss Kennedy is here, next to being your bodyguard. Miss Kennedy is our security advisor. The concert is in Kassadonio.” Johnny said.

Gwen’s arms slipped from around Nick’s waist, “What the hell was going on through your mind when you agreed to a stupid stunt like this? Kassadonio is a hot bed of terrorists. If they get a hold of this, it’ll cause a war.”

“Is this true Johnny? I mean I have Leighanne and Baylee with me. I’ll put them on a plane home if they are going to be in danger.”

Johnny shot a glare at her as she answered, “Of course they’ll be in danger. These terrorists have already blown up three churches, a children’s hospital, and the British Embassy.”

Silence rippled through the room until Johnny softly said, “The concert will go on as planned. After the concert here we have a concert in Paris and then we will be going to Kassadonio.”

“If you send them it will start a war because they will think they would be able to negotiate with the US.” Gwen said refusing to give into the urge to stomp her foot in protest but instead slammed her palms down on the table.

“Everything will be fine. Will you please show Miss Kennedy to your room?” Johnny asked calmly. “If you do your job Miss Kennedy then nothing will happen to these guys is there?”

The slap resounded through the room leaving an angry handprint on his cheek, “Want to tell me why the hell I was hired then? I doing my damn job and you aren’t listening to a goddamn thing I’m saying.”

Johnny tsked and said, “Language Kennedy. Language. Please go to your room Kennedy. Your presence is no longer needed.”

Nick took her hand and jerked on her arm, hoping that she’d turn her attention him and she didn’t disappoint him. The fire was there glowing green in her dark eyes and in truth it scared him. “Come on and don’t be stubborn.”

“Me stubborn, ha!” Her head turned to Brian. “Put them on a plane as soon as possible if you don’t you’ll find out what the men in Kassadonio do to women and children captives. It’s not pretty.”

Aj stared at the scene that was opening before him and the way she was talking was scaring the hell out of him. He knew that she’d slept with Nick but none of the others did because they didn’t listen to him babble in the early morning about her and all her virtues. Great just what they needed some lovesick bodyguard and security advisor; she wouldn’t know what was best for them at all.

Brian nodded. “I’ll consider it thank-you.”

“It’s your choice and your funeral if you don’t convince him to cancel the concert. They’ll get what they want and then kill you. It’s as simple as that.” She finished looking at Johnny with a cold stare.

“We know your concerns Miss Kennedy. Good-bye now.”

Gwen jerked her hand out of Nick’s grasp and stormed out of the room slamming the door behind her.

“It sounds as though she has had experience with this kind of think.” Kevin said as Nick calmly walked out of the room.

He caught up with her at the bank of elevators and asked, “What the hell was that all about?”

She remained silent. They didn’t know what went on in Kassadonio. They didn’t have the screams of innocent children, teenagers, and mothers ringing in there ears. They didn’t have to be afraid to go to sleep because the scenes would replay over and over in their heads.

“Nothing you need to concern yourself with Carter. In fact as you can tell I’m not in a good mood so why don’t we stop the chitchat and you just show me to the room? Then you can go back to your precious little group and idiotic manager.”

Nick nodded and stepped onto elevator behind her. “Good to know that your outlook on life hasn’t soured at all.”

“Shut up. You don’t know anything so why bother? Don’t worry about my luggage either Nick it was already brought to your room. What room number is it and then you don’t have to come with me.”

“No, I think I want to see you settle in. Brent know where you are because the last time I talked to him you were no where to be found.”

“Yeah. I called him eventually but now it doesn’t matter now does it? Look Nick let’s screw the small talk and just admit that something went seriously wrong because now I can’t even talk to you like I used to that year.”

She walked off the elevator followed closely by Nick, “Yeah and really the only way I could get you to talk was at the peak of the moment in bed.”

“I love the choice of words Nickolas. Why don’t you go to hell?”

He jerked on her arm to get her to spin around and face him, again she didn’t disappoint him. Her dark, angry eyes stared him down as she stood toe to toe with him, “Because we both know you really don’t want me to.”

“You arrogant son-of-a-bitch. You really think that highly of yourself? Well you know what that doesn’t really surprise me you and Brent always did like to think you were better than everyone else.”

Was this what he really missed? How she’d go from cool and collected to a fireball of temper? Is that what was wrong in his love life? The fact that he either dated ones with hot tempers all of the time or the ones that never really cared at all. He didn’t know all he knew was that he had missed her. She had a refreshing way of telling the blunt truth, never trying to work her way around to it.

“Good to see you finally grew up a little bit since you were fifteen. Wow your mother’s death must of really changed you.” It was cold and he knew it. In all honesty he really just wanted to see how far he could push her buttons still.

Her eyes widened and tears pricked in the corners.
He’d never talked about the death so callously; in fact he tried not mentioning at all. At least that was what it was like when they were dating, now she wasn’t so sure. So she shrugged, “I guess it did. What’s the room number?”

Nick nodded at the door behind her and struggled not think about the tears shining in her eyes. He’d kick himself later if she didn’t and she wouldn’t as long as she remained in control of her temper. “I’ll see you later Gwen.”

He handed the extra key over and turned walking calmly away but not before hearing her fist hit the metal door and her long string of curses. Today was certainly not going as planned.

Nightmare

“Please promise me that you’ll get her out of here. She doesn’t need to be here to see this.” The young woman begged tears clung to her eyelashes.

Gwen didn’t know what to do. She had a job to do and it didn’t include getting hostages out of the hell they lived in, especially the women and children. Down the hall she could hear them plead not to hurt them and the cruel laughter that emitted from the room. “Esther I can promise you that. I’m sorry, but I can’t.”

Taqif entered the room smiling. Blood stained his white shirt which he quickly shed, “Good morning Gwen. How are my favorites doing today?”

The smile that lit up her face was forced and practiced to her but to the untrained eye it was sincere. “They are doing wonderfully. I think Emira would work the best today and that Allison would be the best to help.”

She nodded to the two young girls cowering in the corner and it made her sick to her stomach at the thought of him touching them, of touching her. He knew that one would come in the night and there was nothing she could do to stop him.

His hand was rough in her hair as his hand fisted there and pulled close, roughly kissing her. She barely had the instinct to refuse to gag at him.

“That is my good girl. I’m so proud of you. You of course will hold them down? Then we’ll move to the children. Shall we go Gwenie?”

“Of course. Come along Emira, Allison.” She went and helped the two of them stand.

Allison, a young American that had come as an exchange student stared at her. “What are you doing? This is illegal in the United States and last I heard this place had the same rights.”

Taqif’s hand shot out cracking Allison on the cheek, “You will hold your tongue or it will be removed rather painfully.”

“Darling, was that really necessary? I mean you allow me to speak my mind.” Gwen said all but slithering over to him. “What do you say you take the day off? We can do something together.”

Taqif ran a hand over her hair. “That can be arranged just give me one minute ok baby?”

Gwen nodded not even imagining what he would do. She knew he was an evil man and the United States was trying to bring him down. That’s exactly why she was there and her job was to gather information about their whereabouts and then the army was to come in and arrest everyone involved.

She saw the cold look in his eyes as he pulled the gun from his side, aim at the young girl’s head and pull the trigger. She squeezed her eyes shut at the sight in front of her, but she already knew that the pattern on the wall that outlined where a head had been would stay with her for the rest of her life.

End Nightmare

“No!” She said sitting straight up in bed. Quickly she looked over at Nick and sighed in relief because he was still sleeping.

A look at the clock said it was just past two and she knew she wouldn’t get back to sleep. Damn those sleeping pills the doctor had given her when she came back, they had been slightly addictive so she tossed them all down the toilet. She looked at her trembling hands praying they would quit, tears ran freely and quietly down her cheeks.

The tears infuriated her because she had done her job and she didn’t know how to react to everything. It had been two years and the fact she replayed that one scene over and over again in her head wasn’t helping her at all. She scrubbed at her face and tossed the covers back before climbing out of bed.

Fifteen minutes later she was breaking into the pool to do laps, hoping if she physically exhausted herself she’d be able to sleep. An hour after that she was breaking into the workout room praying they had punching bag.

To her luck they did. For once she willed the pictures of her head to come and once they appeared, she began her assault on it. She let the screams fill her ears and her anger to unleash. When she finally stopped, her knuckles were ripped open and bleeding, and she still didn’t feel any better.

She had to remind herself that Nick needed to be up by seven because he had a breakfast meeting to attend at eight. As she tended to her knuckles she thought about one of the happier times in her life, but to no avail did it actually calm her down.

In fact she was never truthfully able to rid the past from her mind and she had to wonder whether or not she was going insane after everything.

Nick was floating between consciousness and unconsciousness when he heard the door open. He groaned and rolled to his stomach burying his head into the pillow. He was having the best dream he’d had in a long time.

Cup of tea in hand Gwen watched him smiling softly. She’d been making enough noise to wake the dead within the last half-hour, but he wouldn’t listen. She sat the cup on the nightstand before climbing under the covers beside him.

She soaked in his warmth for a minute, remembering how it was to wake up beside him on a sunny day. God how she’d missed him, and she hated him at the moment as well. She had been in love with him for years but he was too stubborn and idiotic to realize that.

She shook her head lightly and kissed his bare shoulder, “Nicky, come on baby time to wake up.”

She kissed him on the cheek, “Wake up and I promise to give you a nice surprise.”

His head turned toward her and without realizing kissed him teasingly while rubbing against him. His mouth opened and she slipped her tongue in. The kiss started lightheartedly and then slipped beyond her control to where she was pouring everything into it. Then she was on her back staring up into angry blue eyes.

Nick watched her for a minute, wondering if the desire in her eyes would disappear like it had in his dream. It didn’t and that scared the hell out of him because he knew that was more than likely what was shining in his.

She was the first to speak, “Want to get off me?”

“Why on earth would I want to do that? You’re the one that started something why not finish it?”

“Because I already accomplished what I wanted to accomplish. You’re awake are you not?”

“I’m still deciding whether or not this is a dream. I never thought I lived to see the day where you’d be back in my bed.”

Her cheeks flamed and that brought him a perverse reaction. He wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. He rolled off of her onto his back and said, “So does this mean you’ve forgiven me?”

The pillow hit him in the head and Gwen replied, “Does it seem like I’ve forgiven you Nick? First why don’t you tell me what I should forgive you for?”

“Well you are using my first name instead of Carter. Of course you stopped calling me Carter two months after we started dating. I was thinking that maybe you forgave me for breaking up.”

Gwen nodded her head a minute. “Why don’t we start with why you broke up with me Nick? It was because I just wasn’t good enough correct?”

He sat up and stared at her baffled. She hadn’t known how unfair it was to herself, only seeing him for days at a time during the year. “I really don’t want to talk about this Gwen. I’m sorry I brought it up.”

He slipped out of the bed and headed to the bathroom, but he should have known that she was too stubborn to let it go. “No Nick. Tell me why wasn’t I good enough to for the world famous Nick Carter.”

Her voice remained calm and her eyes cool, the desire gone. He could handle her like this, always had been able to but if she went soft and teary-eyed he was a goner. When had everything gotten so screwed up in his life? He honestly couldn’t remember. The whole conversation was spinning out of control and all because he had to bring up the past.

His thoughts were wandering when he noticed her pick up the cup beside the bed and take a drink. Think Carter, he told himself. “This isn’t the right time for us to talk. I need a shower and then I have a meeting which I’m certain you’ll want to attend.”

“Screw you Nick. I want an answer to my question and damn it you are going to tell me it.”
He was nervous and that shocked her slightly.

She’d only seen him nervous a few times, at least where it was visible. Finally he sighed, “Don’t you get it even after these past five years? It wasn’t you that wasn’t good enough. I was the one that wasn’t good enough. It wasn’t fair that you were only able to see me a few weeks here and there months apart.”

She sat there for a minute her eyes unwavering. Quite frankly she believed his answer and that made her even madder. Calmly she sipped her tea, “So you decided to play hero and save myself from the misery of only seeing you every now and then.”

“Pretty much, I’m so sorry.” He watched her unfold her legs from the bed and stand up. “No stay sitting please. If you hit me you can’t leave bruises, they guys will notice.”

“I’m sure they will Carter. I’d suggest you take your shower and get over whatever has inflicted you.” She replied saucily, adding a quick peek below his waist.

He heard her laughing as he escaped into the bathroom. Stubborn woman, he thought, but damn could she still get him worked up.