I think I was ten, I can’t really remember, anyway it was too long ago. We were still living in the Home where mom worked as a cook. I remember thinking like, damn, everywhere I go, I see old people. They didn’t really bother me much at first, I could talk to anyone, you know, I was a very talkative kid. Sometimes they didn’t make sense at all and would talk and talk and pat my head and I remember I would just stand there and smile, be all good, I know they think I’m adorable, they would pinch my cheeks and never once stop to think that it might be painful. So anyway, I would say thanks mister, or thanks mam, when they passed me a candy for listening and told me to go on my way.

Most of the time spent there were at the backyard, where BJ and I would make guns out of twigs or snuck out small plastic bags from the kitchen without mom’s notice and filled them up with water. We’d play water bombs all day since we learnt Florida doesn’t get snow, ever. I think this is really important to tell you, cause I have a feeling I might be the reason why BJ grew up a little more tomboyish than her other two sisters. I mean, she had dolls and all, but she’s just tougher I guess.

So anyway, the best part would be after a rainy day, when we were allowed to go outside and play. I would roll around in the puddle of mud and pretended I was a monster cut loose. Have you ever tried that? Roll around in puddle of mud? I tell you, it was the best thing ever for a ten year old! Well, I think I was ten, still unsure about that one.

I would make monsterish noises and would call out to BJ…BEEEEEJJAAAAYYY!!! And she would giggle and scream and told me to stop. I threatened to give her a huge muddy hug and she would run all over the backyard, calling out for mummy.

Then of course dad would come out, pulled me by the ear and dragged me into the bathroom and started spraying hard cold water at me. And then he’ll give me the ‘I never want to see you doing that again, ever’ lecture. Sometimes I’d just stand there and wait till it was all over, other times, when the water wasn’t really cold that it would numb me from talking, I’d apologized and begged him to stop. He never stopped though. Dad wouldn’t stop until every mud cake on my body and in my ears were cleaned and my body scrubbed.

He would carry me to my room, now this room, I tell you, I used to think it was huge. See, anything compared to our trailer of a house was huge. But it really was just a store room that they cleared out and gave a new coat of paint. I wanted green but they only had pink so dad said I had to make do. That was one of the reasons why I never asked any of my friends over to hang out with me. Well, not that they think hanging out in a Home filled with old people a cool thing to do anyway. And there was also the fact that I don’t really have a lot of friends to begin with. Did I tell you kids just for some reason, hate me? I don’t know what the heck that was all about. I don’t think it was cause I stank though. Mom made sure I scrubbed real good every time.

So anyway, dad would put me in my pajamas and dab tons of powder until I sneeze. And then he would dry my hair with a towel, which always made my head spin. Dad always seemed to forget that what was okay for him, felt rough for kids my age.

And then mom would come in, gave me leftovers from the kitchen – I learnt after awhile that we don’t get a say on the things we wanted to eat. Mom had to cook food for old people which was always porridge, soup and desserts like jellies or custard. Old people don’t have a lot of teeth and if they do, they were either fake ones or were on the verge of falling off. The only times I get to eat what I wanted was when mom and dad brought us out for lunch or dinner. Usually that would be the Mc Donald’s cause BJ loves Mc Donald’s. I love Mc Donald’s too but I was there only for the toys that came along with the Happy Meals.

Had fun today? She’d asked. I would nod my head and smiled. She would ruffle my damp hair and said ‘bet you did’ and then she would laugh. I used to love how she laughs; it brought me comfort once.

Eat it while it’s warm, she’d say and then went ahead and kissed my forehead.

Can I watch TV after this mommy? I would ask her.

There’s something else I gotta tell you. Since all the stuff in my room were unused stuff that they could find at the Home, I didn’t have much. So I ate on my bed. There was a tiny study table and a chair, but the chair had a leg shorter than the rest and I hated it. So I would normally sit on the edge of my bed, warm chicken and mushroom soup in hand, legs dangled and swinging, because I cannot sit still, this we already established.

Not tonight Nicky, she’d say. You’re grounded for playing in the mud, again.

I would sigh and took another spoonful of my warm soup. What else was there to do anyway?

Maybe next time you’ll remember not to play in the mud, she would say gently before saying goodnight and walked out, closing the door behind her.

But I always managed to do something stupid and got my dad mad at me. Most of the time, I did it cause there was really nothing else to do. Mom was constantly busy in the kitchen, making breakfast, lunch, tea and dinner. Dad was always at the construction site majority of the day and by the time he came back, he was too tired to do anything else. So he would compensate that by buying us some sweets, it was like a special treat that both my sister and I would wait at the end of the day. If we were lucky, he’d buy us some card or board games. School was fun although like I’ve told you, I had this feeling that kids just don’t really like me. For whatever reason I shall never find out, I don’t think I was annoying, was I? You know, don’t answer that.

Back at the home, my sister was the only other kid I could play with. And sometimes, when she decided that boys’ games are boring, she would play with her dolls, combing their hairs and undressing and dressing them again and talk to them and even have teas with them.

Those were the times when I would leave her alone because chances were, she would make me stay and hold up one of her dolls for her. Next thing you know, I would be doing a voice over for this very doll I was holding up, having a conversation about dresses with the other doll. Trust me, it had happened before.

So in order to avoid that from happening again, I would go to the main hall room, where I could watch cartoons with some of the old people there. But sometimes, they wanted to watch adult movies, those black and white stories that always seemed boring to me. Within ten minutes into watching it, I would yawn and decided to head back to my room.

It was during one of those days that it happened.

I remember it was raining outside and I was lying in my bed, re-reading a Spiderman comic book for like the tenth time that I could quote from start to finish what happened. But there was nothing else to do and I love looking at the pictures anyway. My dad had bought it for me at a garage sale. I bet the person who sold it regretted it now. That comic book could easily reach thousands of dollars. He also bought me someone else’s kid’s brown pants and two oversized shirts that he said I would grow into soon enough.

That was when I heard her.

I got up from my bed and looked around, trying to follow her voice. It led me to the place right outside my window.

I spent a lot of time staring out this window. Especially when I was grounded, which was quite often. I would sing to myself and pretended I was in a spaceship and we just landed in an unnamed planet and what I see right outside my window, was my first view of this new planet. The sky would be green, the grass purple, trees were orange and the rain the color of midnight blue. Most of the time though, my daydreams would be one where I was on stage, singing. I could almost hear the crowd cheering for me. Anything was better than lying in bed and staring at four pink walls.

She was looking up at me, with her body totally drenched in rain and her pleading eyes begging for shelter. She was also trembling.

Hang on! I said to her as I locked my door and went back to the window and unlatch the hook (it was an old window) and pushed the window all the way up. I dragged my chair near and climbed on it and carefully sat on the ledge before jumping down.

She tried to run away, probably scared at my jumping stunt but I managed to grab her and held her near to my chest. She had the most beautiful ginger like fur ever! Her eyes looked orange, bright and wide, looking up at me. Her nose a soft pink bud.

Don’t be scared, I won’t hurt you, I said as I started scratching her head. She meowed at me again before sniffing my shirt and my neck and then my face. I laughed and called her silly. Silly Nilly, that’s what I ended up naming her.

A thunder startled us both. I was already shivering from the cold myself. I hurried back to my window, and on tip toes, practically threw her on my bed before I started the tough task of getting myself back into my room, which would be a really difficult thing to do if you don’t have the right techniques to approach it. It didn’t take me long to get back into my room though. Hey, I never claimed I was a good kid who never broke rules.

Silly Nilly was still scared of me, she had snuggle up to my pillow and looked at me with caution, her body still shivering from cold. I unzipped my wardrobe – you remember this one don’t you? The DIY wardrobe made from plastic and you have these iron rods to make them stand? You hang all your clothes in there and then zip them up. So anyways, I took out one of my older clothes, the one that had holes in them and I covered her with it.

Don’t go anywhere ok Nilly? I’ll be right back! I told her and then ran out of the room and ooofff!

“ Sorry Mr. Dickens! Didn’t see you!”

I got back up, rubbed my butt and started running again. Mr. Dickens was saying something about the dangers of running around in a Home full of old people but I was already out of there to really take heed. I found mom in the kitchen, washing the dishes.

“Mom, can I have one of those sweet biscuits please?”

“The baby biscuits?”

I nodded and started biting my nails anxiously. Yeah okay, so I nagged when Brian was biting his, but that’s the whole point really. I can’t see people biting their nails or I would be tempted to do it also.

“You know Nicky, you’re getting too old to eat those.” Mom laughed, turning to look at me as she washed the plate under the running water.

“But…I’m hungry.” I pouted. Yeah, that pouting thing? I believe I was born with it. Is it a defect?

She stopped doing the dishes, wiped her hands on her apron and walked over to the cookie jar, which was never within my reach, totally unfair if you ask me. She gave me one.

“Is that enough?”

“You mean I can have two?” She laughed again and gave me another one.

“I suppose you want a glass of milk too?”

“That would be ace mom!”

She looked at me all funny before pouring me a glass of milk. “Do you know what ace means Nick?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know, but the kids at school said that a lot every time they think something is cool.”

“Ah.” She smiled and passed me the glass. “No running to your room now. I don’t want to see spills across the floor.”

“Thanks mom, I love you!”

I hurried back to my room and found Nilly on the floor, sniffing everything. I locked the door behind me and picked up my empty plate from dinner earlier and started pouring half of the milk on one of the biscuits. It soften immediately and I meshed it up with my thumb. Come Nilly, eat this, it’s yummy!

Nilly sniffed it for a few seconds before her pink tongue decided to have a taste. I guess she liked it cause she had it downed in minutes! I sat next to her and ate my baby biscuit and drank the rest of the milk away. After that, we both got tired and I held her in my arms and we went to sleep. She loved snuggling under my armpit –which smells of baby powder thank you much – and I had to sleep carefully or I would squish her to death.

The next morning, I woke up but there was no Nilly. I searched high and low for her. Under my bed, in my closet (cause I heard cats are smart, she could have unzip my wardrobe and got in), under the table, under the chair, under my pillow, incase I had accidentally suffocated her in my sleep. She was nowhere to be found.

Man, did I cry! I remember blaming myself cause I thought she hated me for calling her Smelly Nilly. I really missed her; it was nice to go to bed knowing you’re in great company.

I went to school feeling all moody. BJ was upset with me cause I was ignoring her all the way back home. Our school wasn’t that far from the Home when I come to think of it now. But back then, I was a scrawny kid who would whine when you had to carry a bag load of textbook and walked all the way back home. On good days, I would start belting out songs, most of which from my favorite group Journey, and BJ would start skipping along and when I lagged behind, she would start to run in circles around me and pretended she was a ballerina. But there was no singing nor any skipping along the sidewalk.

What the hell is wrong with you Nicky?

Don’t say hell!

Why? I hear it all the time.

It’s not good.

I skipped lunch, changed my clothes, turn on my poor reception radio and lye in bed. I should have locked the window, maybe then Smelly Nilly wouldn’t run away.

It wasn’t until two days later, when I was over losing Smelly Nilly and was just put to bed early for another attempt at scaring my sister, that I heard her meowing again. I was looking out the window, pretending I was a part of the Osmonds, up on stage in our glittering costumes and singing our hearts out.

She had dried poop on her fur and there were dried blood just above her eyes. She couldn’t see very well and was shivering like a scared kitten that she was. I grabbed for another old shirt, climbed out the window and carried her carefully. I had to wash the nasties from her body and I couldn’t go to the bathroom or mom would find out. So I wet the old shirt with the rainwater and cleaned her up. I took special care when cleaning her wound. It wasn’t deep but enough to get it infected. She didn’t even meow or struggle. And then I sorta scolded her for leaving me without saying goodbye. I told her nothing good could come out of it and now she was hurt! You know, looking back, I felt like I was being my dad, and Smelly was me. Only I wasn’t covered in poop, just mud. Although you may never know what were in those mud in the first place right?

Next morning when I woke up, she was there next to me, wide awake with her wide eyes looking up at me, huge with some kind of expectations.

You hungry Nilly? I would say. She meowed as always. I went out to take my lunch at the kitchen with BJ, where in the middle of placing my plate, my mom suddenly frowned and asked if we smell something bad. I was about to run out of there when BJ said, it probably came from the backyard. It always smell bad in the backyard, BJ said. My sister loves to exaggerate. The backyard was just fine.

I snuck some fish back to my room for her. She stayed with me for three days before she was daring enough to jump out the window. But Nilly never left me. She would always come back by the time I was home from school. She would jump on my window sill and I would place some dry cat food for her to eat. I learnt to save up my quarters to buy a small pack by then.

We never really do much, Nilly and I. When I was busy struggling with my homework, she would sleep on my textbook, on my desk. I always thought she was mocking me. Other times, when mom wouldn’t let me go out and play or BJ was in her doll playing mood, I would go back to my window of dreams, this time with Nilly sitting on the sill. I had a lot of conversation with her even though she said nothing back at me. I told you I was talkative didn’t I?

Sometimes Nilly would not come for days and I would grow anxious, expecting to find her in a few days covered with fresh wounds. But thankfully that never happened. And I began to understand our relationship with each other. I don’t own her, she doesn’t own me. She was my friend, not my pet. And just like friends, some nights, she would come in and had a sleepover.

One day, she just left and never come back. I knew that was going to happen sooner or later though, so I guess I could say, I was prepared for it. Perhaps she found a group of cats she liked to hang out with. Perhaps some other kid with a richer family who could afford to keep her, had taken her away. I didn’t really think about the possibility of her being run over by a car or that she was sent away to an animal shelter and be put to sleep. I was young and naïve, and I guess for this particular incident, I was glad about it.

About six months after that, we finally moved to a real house cause dad had saved enough to buy one. Mom even let us keep two cats after we promised to clean the litter box everyday and made sure we bathed them regularly and feed them. I had a bigger room and I got to paint it green. I got a real wardrobe too, even thought it wasn’t really new; it looked good enough for me. I got a new study table that mom said was a bargain, and a chair that didn’t have a short leg. Oh, and we could ask for food that we wanted to eat and most of the time, mom would cook it for us. I said most of the time cause some times, when dad didn’t bring enough money home and mom was saving up for the arrival of a new member to our family, we would get leftovers from the Home, where mom was still working at.

It was rather tough but I remember being happy. My childhood was just fine for me. What I lack, I gained by my own imagination. There wasn’t a dull day in Nicky’s head, I tell you. I was just…happy.

“Did you ever regret doing this then?”

“And not meet you, or Brian? Or AJ? Howie? Hell no.”

“What if a fairy visit you one night-”

“A fairy? Kevin, come on!”

“Just play along now Nick.”

“Fine.”

“What if a fairy comes along one night and tells you all you have to do is trade all these fame to get back the family you once had. And get back to that happiness you seem to talk about.”

“That’s not the point Kevin.”

“It’s not?”

“Nope.” “I’m not sorry for having this ‘fame’. Fame helped my family a lot. I worked my butts off and sacrificed a lot to live this dream, I’m not trading it back. We all have choices to make, it’s up to us to make who we become.”

“What about wanting the simple things in life again? Being happy?”

“What is the simple things in life? Right now, simple things is having all you guys with me and doing this tour again. If I wanted my old life back, I’d still be 25 and talking to a cat by my windowsill dreaming of making it big. What’s the point of that? It was simple when I was 10, it’s just pathetic when I’m 25 ya know? And I’m not looking for happiness of the past, I can still find happiness right now.”

“Are you happy right now?”

“Yup.”

“But you’re still searching…”

“Always been searching Kevin, you know that.”

“Why did you draw this?”

“Cause I can’t draw happiness now could I? Plus, it’d be cheesy.”

“Okay…but aliens?”

“We just watched War of the Worlds and it was creeping me out!”

“Nicky…”

“What? I’m being serious! That tripod thing scares the heck out of me!”

“So why does your alien had a tear falling down it’s face?”

“Kevin…that’s abstract. It’s up to you to interpret it. Some people might think it’s a tattoo. And yes, before you say it, my aliens get tattoos too.”

“There’s really nothing that you want?”

“Of course I do. Just that those things, I can’t draw them.”

“Fine…one last question and I promise I’ll stop bothering you.”

“Please.”

“You’re gonna be okay?”

“I’m more than okay Kev, you know that. I have you guys now.”

“I know that, but what about after? When this tour is done and we all go back home?”

“Well, you gotta ask me that again some other time, cause you just used up your last card and you promised.”

“Fine. But thanks for telling me about Smelly Nilly. She must be a winner.”

“She is.”

“Just like you.”

“Now you’re just trying to kiss my butt old man. Night Kev.”

“Night Nicky.”

ps: I have NO idea how old Nick was when Leslie was born so this story might not be accurate at all, lol.