Disclaimer: don’t em, don’t own em. Anna is mine. Happy?



Anna watched as her brother and cousin argued over who would get to cook on the grill.

She went over to them and said, “ Okay, guys. There is only one grill. Only one of you can use it. Kevin,” she said turning to her brother, “ you always get to be the macho man and cook on the grill. How about you let Brian cook just this once. Let’s just see how good a cook he is, okay?”

“ Okay, Anna. You win this time. You better watch your back Littrell. You here me?” Kevin said turning to Brian.

“ Yeah, okay, Kev. Whatever you say.” Said Brian looking at him with a skeptical look on his face.

“ Kevin!” said Anna.

He turned around to find Anna with the hose in her hand. Before he could defend himself, he got sprayed in the face with cold water. He wiped the water out of his eyes and looked at Anna.

He said, “ Anna! Your ass is grass.”

She shrieked as Kevin ran after her. She ran behind A.J and said, “ Alex, save me!”

A.J got up and let Kevin have a clear shot at her and said, “ Hey, I’m not getting involved in this.”

Anna looked at him and said, “ Thanks. I love you too.”

AJ grinned and said, “ I know you do.”

As Kevin closed in on her she looked for somewhere to go. She had no where to go, so she ran around the pool. Kevin was right on her tail.

As Kevin closed in he said, “ I always win Anna. You know that. Why do you even fight me anymore?”

She ran into Nick who was sitting on the edge of the pool watching the two of them goof around.

Nick said, “ Here you go Kevin.”

Kevin caught up to Anna and picked her up over his shoulder. He said, “ Now, it’s your turn to get wet.”

“ No, Kevin, don’t.” she said as Kevin neared the water’s edge.

Just as he was about to throw her in she said, “ If I have to go in, you’re going with me.”

He didn’t hear her until it was too late. She pulled him the water with her. They surfaced at the same time and Anna had a smug grin on her face.

Kevin said, “ Why’d you do that?”

“ It was fun, and it was instant payback.”

“ Oh, Yeah. Well, take this.” He said as he pushed her underneath the water.

They continued rough- housing in the pool until it was time for dinner. Anna got out of the pool and went over to Brian. She gave him a bear hug. He turned around and just looked at her. He said, “ you better watch it. You’re getting worse than Nick is.”

“ You know you love me.” Said and smiled.

“ What’s there not to love. Now take this stuff to the table so we can eat.” Said Brian.

“ So, what? Am I your servant now? I don’t think so. You take it over yourself.” She said as she walked away from him.

She went and sat down next to Kevin and AJ. When Brian came over with the food, he didn’t look happy.

Kevin noticed and said, “ Anna, why don’t you help him with the food?”

She got up and said, “ Fine.”




Later after dinner, they were all in the pool playing chicken. Anna was on Nick’s shoulders, Brian was on Kevin’s shoulders, and AJ was on Howie’s. Brian finally got the chance to get even with Anna. He wrestled her until she twisted and fell in the water. She came up gasping for air. Kevin kicked into big brother mode and asked, “ Ann, are you okay?”

“ Yeah I’m fine. I’ve had enough of this shit. I’m going inside.” She said as she walked out of the pool and into the house. She went upstairs into her bedroom and changed into a pair of shorts and a tank top. She looked out her window to see the guys still playing. She only counted four. Nick wasn’t there. She wondered where he was. She just dismissed it as a bathroom break. Never in a million years did she think that Nick was coming up to check on her. They were friends, but not really good friends. He wouldn’t be the first person she went to with a problem. She would end up going to talk to Alex first.

When Anna first met AJ, she felt a connection with him. She couldn’t explain it, but it was a great feeling. They soon became the best of friends. She started going to AJ with her problems instead of going to Kevin. He got really jealous and Anna and Kevin fought like crazy for 3 months. The rest of the guys got fed of with them and made them talk about what was bothering them. They locked them in a room until they stopped fighting. Since then, Kevin has become less of a father and more of a brother. In return, Anna started talking to Kevin more. They have been on the best of terms since then.

Just then, there was a knock on her door. She said, “ come in.”

She expected it to be AJ or Kevin, but it was Nick. He said, “ Anna.”

She turned around too quickly and got really dizzy. She almost fell down, but she steadied herself on Nick’s extended arm. He said, “ you okay?”

“ What, oh yeah. I’m fine. I just got dizzy.” Said Anna.

She looked into his eyes and immediately got lost inside them. She looked away because she felt something that she never felt before with Nick. Kevin will kill you for even thinking about it. She scolded herself.

She went over to the window and Nick followed her. She said, “ Why did you follow me?”

“ I wanted to tell you something. Or show you something.”

“ Okay. Go ahead.” She said.

Nick leaned down and kissed her softly on the lips.

What if I don’t say what’s on my mind, and you walk away… I might live out my life and never feel this way… What if you are the one I’m meant to love… What if tonight is the night… what if once in a lifetime doesn’t come twice?



As the kiss deepened, Anna found herself enjoying the kiss. She had never felt this was until now.

Just then, AJ walked in and said, “ Anna, are you in here?”

He froze when he saw them kissing. Anna broke the kiss and looked over at AJ. AJ looked from Anna to Nick and back to Anna again. He said, “ this can’t be happening.” He turned around and started running out of the house. Anna ran after him. By the time she caught up with him, he was in the middle of the road walking away from Howie’s house.

Anna said, “ Alex, stop.”

“ Why should I?” he asked as he kept walking.

“ Because I want you to. You need to listen to me.” She said as she tried to catch her breath.

He ignored her and kept walking. She ran up to him, caught his arm, and said, “ Say something, Dammit.”

He turned around and looked at her. He yelled, “ What do you want me to say, huh? You want me to be happy for you? Well, I can’t.”

“ Why?”

“ Because I know Nick. I know what he can do. I don’t want to see you get sucked up into his world.”

“ I’ve lived in ‘his world’ for ten years Alex. And you live in the exact same world he does so don’t give me that crap.”

“ That’s not what I meant and you know it, Ann. I’m saying his world is endless parties and alcohol and women. Lots of women.”

“ Are you trying to say that he’s a player? Because if you are, you shouldn’t be talking. And another thing, don’t be talking about alcohol. You were there too.”

He just looked at her and laughed. He said, “ Why are you turning this around on me? This isn’t about my problems. This is about you. And even if it was about my problems, you have no right to judge me.”

“What? So it’s okay for you to judge me, but I can’t judge you? That’s fucking bullshit and you know it Alex.”

Their voices were raising with each word they said. By this time, Kevin and the rest of the guys had come out to see what they were fighting about. Kevin got in between them and said, “ Anna, AJ. What is the problem?”

“ Nothing’s the problem. I was just leaving.” Said AJ as he walked away from them.

Anna said, “ You can’t just walk away from this and me. You do it all of the time and I won’t let you do it now.”

She ran over to him and stopped him in his path. She said, “ Alex. You know me, you know Nick. What is the big fucking problem?”

“ That’s my problem. I know both of you.” He said.

“ What’s that suppose to mean? Are you saying that you wish you didn’t know us or what?”

“ I’m saying he isn’t good for you.”

“ How do you know that? You obviously don’t know me. If you did you would know that I’m old enough to take care of myself. I don’t need another father on my case about who to go out with. I know what’s good for me.” She paused, and then said, “ I’m beginning to wonder if our relationship is good for me.”

“ You know what? I don’t need this shit. I don’t even know why I cared. The hell with this. The hell with you.” He walked away from her towards his car.

She said, “ Yeah you do that AJ. You just leave whenever it suits you. You...you big coward.” She paused for effect, and then said in a low voice, “ You’re afraid.”

He stopped in his tracks and said, “ Afraid of what?”

“You’re afraid that if I get involved with Nick, or anyone else, that I won’t go to you anymore, and that scares you. You’re afraid that you’re gonna lose me. That scares you even more. Well, you know what? If you keep acting like this, you will lose me. For Good.” She said.

AJ was so pissed of at her right now that he had to get in his car and leave before he hurt her. He sped off as four Backstreet Boys and one ex- best friend looked at his car as he made his was to the interstate.

AJ’s POV

I got in my car and left. I couldn’t stay there anymore. I knew that if I did, I would end up doing something that I would later regret. Something just got to me. I don’t know what it was. Maybe it was the fact that she was right in some of the things she said. Hell, she was right in most of the things she said. It was the fact that she knew him like the back of her hand. She knew the right buttons to push to send him over the edge. It really does bother me that she’s interested in Nick. I don’t want her to get hurt. If Nick takes her down with him, I don’t know what I would do.



Back At Howie’s House

Anna stared at the road where AJ left. She felt a hand on her shoulder and she figured it was Kevin’s. She turned around to face the group. Kevin was standing right next to her. He said, “ What happened?”

“ You saw what happened.” She said looking him in the eye.

“ What happened before I came out?” asked Kevin.

“ I don’t want to talk about it.” Said Anna as she sagged against Kevin’s chest.

He sighed and said, “ Hey guys, why don’t you go inside. We’ll be in a little while.”

The guys left and Kevin led Anna to the porch. She hugged him as he said, “ Why do you always do this to him?”

“ It was actually his fault this time. He deserved it.”

“ But, Ann. You know how he is.”

“ Yeah and he knows how I am. What does that have to do with anything?”

“ It has to do with everything. Both of you are very stubborn people and when you fight, you fight like hell. Do you really think that what you said here was true?”

“ I think the whole thing caught me off guard.”

They sat down and Kevin asked, “ What caught you off guard? Nick, or AJ?”

“ Both. I wasn’t expecting Nick to kiss me, or Alex to get pissed at me. I wasn’t expecting us to fight like that. I wasn’t expecting any of it.”

“ Yeah, but it happened. I think there were words shared today that could have destroyed a friendship. You will both later regret saying what you said today.”

“ I think that that stuff has been buried for the past few moths and we finally got it out in the open. I’m afraid, Kev. I’m so afraid.”

“ I know you are. I’ll talk to him. How about that?”

“ Okay. Just don’t yell at him please. He doesn’t need that.”

“ Okay. I won’t.’ said Kevin as he took his cell phone out of his pocket. He dialed AJ’s number and waited for him to answer.

“Hello?”

“ AJ?”

“ Kevin. What the hell are you calling me for?” asked AJ sounding surprised.

“ I wanted to make sure you didn’t do anything stupid. I know how you two are.”

“ Kev, I’m fine. I just had to get away before I did something that I would’ve regretted.”

“ Good idea.”

“ By the way, there is only one of me. There is no longer ‘two of us.’”

“ What?”

“ She pissed me off so much that I don’t think I can stand to be around her anymore. I just can’t handle it.”

“ You have to be kidding me. You’ve not serious. You guys will work this out. You always do.”

“ Not this time, Kev. She hit some buttons that pushed me over the edge. I think we were both waiting for someone to say something. It was inevitable. We couldn’t help what we said.”

“ But why now?”

“ I don’t know. All I know is that she said some crap that I can’t get out of my head. It keeps replaying in my mind like a horror movie. It made me realize that she hates me. It’s almost like she resents having this relationship.”

“ That’s not true Aje. She loves you like a brother.”

“ Well, once upon a time she might have. Things have changed Kev. People have grown up, and some have grown away. I got to thinking earlier and she had reason to say the things she said. They were all true. She shouldn’t be around me. I’m no good for her.”

“What are you talking about. You’re not making any sense.”

“ I told her that I didn’t want her to get sucked into Nick’s world. She told me that she’s been living in his world for 10 years, and that I lived in the exact same world he does.”

“ So.”

“ So, that means that if I’m telling her that Nick is no good, then I’m also telling her that I’m no good either. She reminded me of it.”

“ What do you mean?”

He sighed and said, “ she reminded me about my drinking problem before and that I was a player.”

“ God, why do you tear each other apart. What good is it for? It gets you nowhere.”

“ Believe me Kev, I know.”

“ Then why do you do it?”

“ I don’t know. Just tell her that I’ll be at the beach for awhile, and that I will be seeing her around.” Said AJ.

“ Fine. You don’t know what you’re doing. You are throwing a great friendship down the tubes.” Said Kevin sighing in defeat.

“ It was meant to be Kevin.” Said AJ as he hung up.

Chapter 4






Kevin looked down at Anna and said, “ Give him time. He’ll cool off. He’ll be back.”


“ Oh, God. What have I done?”


“ Anna, you didn’t do everything. It was as much his fault as it is yours.”


“ I’m going inside. There is something I have to do.” Said Anna as she got up to go inside.


Kevin sat on the porch for a couple more minutes thinking about his sister and AJ. He couldn’t stand to see them fighting. They both needed each other. They just didn’t realize it. He sighed and went inside thinking: What’s done is done.




AJ got out of his car and looked around. He was at the beach. He used to go there all the time when he had to think. He hadn’t been here in a while.


All of a sudden he punched his car and said, “ Fuck.”


He burst out into tears and thought to himself: What the hell did I just do?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


Anna went out onto the deck and went over to Nick who was sitting by the pool. She sat down next to him and said, “ We need to talk.”


“ About what?”


“You know what.”


“ Oh.”


“ I don’t know how you really feel, but I want to say this. I think that the kiss was an accident. I guess I got caught up in the moment. It was nice, but I don’t feel the same way you do. I’m sorry.” Said Anna.


Nick looked at her and said, “ Fuck you.” He stormed away from Anna leaving her sitting there with a surprised, but sad look on her face. She looked around and noticed that everyone was looking at her. She got up and ran into the house.


On her way up the stairs, she tripped and fell down to the bottom. She got up and walked up again. Her vision was blurry from the tears that were threatening to fall. She made it to her room before she lashed out. She punched the wall and fell to the floor crying her eyes out. Brian was on her trail and came into the room and knelt down next to her. He hugged her until she stopped crying.


She looked up and he said, “ What happened, Ann?”


“ I just lost two friends in one day. That’s what happened. I tore the Backstreet Boys up with one kiss.”


“ Oh, Anna.” He said as he hugged her again.


“ Is everything okay up here?” asked Kevin as he walked into the room.


“ I don’t know Kev. I don’t know.” said Brian looking up at him.


Kevin knelt down beside the two of them and said, “ Anna. What am I gonna do with you?”


She looked up at him and said, “ You don’t have to do anything. You’re not my fucking father.”


She ran out the bedroom door and went out to the front yard.

Chapter 5




Kevin came out of the house to check on Anna. He knelt down beside her and put a hand on her back. She shrugged it off.


He sighed and said, “ Anna. I’m sorry. I don’t mean to act like your father. It’s just ever since dad died, I’ve had this need to protect you. I realize that it’s not fair to you, and I’ll try my best to stop. I’m sorry.”


“ Let’s go home, Kevin.” She said.


“ Okay. I’ll tell the guys that we’re leaving and then we’ll go.” He said as he went inside.


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


They were soon on their way to their house, which was a half-hour away.


They stopped at an intersection and Kevin said, “ What are you thinking about? It’s not about what I said is it?”


“ No, I was thinking about Alex.”


“ Oh. Why?”


“ Because I miss him, and I feel like I hurt him.”


“ You didn’t hurt him. He hurt himself.”


The light turned green and Kevin accelerated through it. He was halfway through it when Anna saw a tractor trailer come speeding toward her side of the car. Before she knew what happened, the car was rolling down an embankment. She didn’t even realize she had screamed, “ Kevin!!!”


She could hear sirens in the distance before she heard Kevin asking her if she was okay.


She looked up at him and said, “ I love you Kevin.”


She felt herself sliding into a black abyss while the firefighters worked on getting her out of the car.

Chapter 6


Good-byes make you think. They make you realize what you’ve had and what you’ve lost, and what you’ve taken for granted.






Howie got to the phone as fast as he could, “ Hello?”


“ Hi. May I speak to a Howie Dorough, a Brian Littrell, or a Nick Carter?”


“ This is Howie speaking.”


“ This is Orlando General Hospital.”


Howie’s blood ran cold. He replied with a meek, “ Yes?”


“ Kevin and Anna Richardson have been involved in a car accident. Anna may not live through the night.”


“ Okay. We’ll be there as soon as possible. Thank you.”


Howie hung up the phone and ran onto the back deck. He said, “ Guys. WE have to go to the hospital. There’s been an accident. Bri, its Kev and Anna.”


“ Oh, shit.” Brian said.


They piled into the car and Nick drove them to the hospital. Howie had to call the one person he didn’t want to call: AJ.


“ Come on. Pick up.” Said Howie.


“ Talk to me.”


“ AJ, thank god. Where are you?”


“ At the beach. Why? What’s wrong?”


“ Aje, there’s been an accident. It’s Kev and Anna.”


“ Oh, god.”


“ Aje, she might not make it.”


“ Shit, I’ll be right there.”


“ Be careful, please.” Howie said before AJ hung up.


Nick announced that they were at the hospital. They went into the lobby for directions.


“ Excuse me. Can you tell us where to find Kevin and Anna Richardson?” asked Brian.


“ Are you family?”


“ I am.”


‘ Okay, let me check.” “ All the information that I have is for you to go upstairs and check in at the ICU nurses station on the 6th floor.”


“ Thanks.” Said Brian as they ran to catch an elevator. They made it up to the 6th floor and they ran to the nurse’s station. The nurse led them t a private waiting room to wait for the doctor. They told her to watch out for AJ.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


10 minutes later AJ came running into the waiting room.


“ Where are they?” he asked.


“ We don’t know.” said Howie.


“ How’s Kev?”


“We don’t know.” said Howie.


“ How’s Anna?”


“ We don’t know, Aje. They haven’t told us anything. We’re in the dark.” Said Brian.


“ But…But there’s got to be a way to find out.”


“ We have to wait for the doctor.”


“ God Dammit. That’s my best friend in there. She may die.” He yelled and slammed his fist into the wall.


“ AJ calm down. Both of my cousins are in there. I’m just as torn up as you are. If not worse. We can’t do anything but wait.” Said Brian.


“ But I have to see her before…” Aje said as he finally broke down. He slid to the floor and held his head in his hands.


“ Aje, she’ll be fine. They both will. We just have to keep our hope.” Said Brian as he tried to comfort AJ when all he wanted to do was break down with him.


They waited for another two hours before the doctor came in. He said, “ Hello, everyone. I’m Dr. Davies. I’m looking for a Mr. Brian Littrell.”


“ That would be me.” Said Brian.


“ Good. You’re cousin has been asking for you. He’s worried about Anna, and I thought you should break the news to him.”


AJ just started sobbing. Howie comforted as best as he could while he himself had tears rolling down his cheeks.


Brian looked away and then said, “ News?”


“ Yes. She’s in a coma.’


“ You mean, she’s not dead?” asked AJ.


“ No, not yet. The next 24 hours are critical for her. She still might not make it. I’ll allow one person to visit her while the other three visit Kevin. First, I want Mr. Littrell to see him and calm him down. I’ll be back later to give you guys more information on their conditions.”


The doctor led them to the rooms and left them to go in as they chose.

Chapter 7




You might be one person in the world, but you might be the world to one person.






AJ walked into Anna’s room dreading what he would find. She lay in the bed with cuts and scratches on her face and arms. She had a cast on her left arm. He walked over to the side of her bed and broke down. He knew that he shouldn’t be crying in front of her, but he had to. He couldn’t take it anymore. He cried until he couldn’t cry anymore.


He wiped the tears and said, ‘ pull yourself together Mclean. She needs you.”


He began, “ Okay. I want to say I’m sorry. I’m sorry for yelling at you, and walking away from the fight. the truth is, you were right. I always run away. You were right in everything that you said.


“ When I left, all I could think was ‘what did I do?’ I thought I screwed up totally. You know? Knowing you, you probably thought the same thing. You were probably blaming yourself just as much as I was.


“ You know, sometimes I think we’re too alike for our own good. We yell and scream. We pick fights just to piss each other off. We pick each other apart thinking it will hurt the other. In all truth, we end up hurting ourselves. All the flaws we claimed the other had, we had ourselves. So, in all reality, we were tearing ourselves apart the same time.


“ We end up accepting each others flaws, and forgiving ourselves. We know when to pry, or when not to pry. Hell, sometimes we can flirt ourselves to death. But, we’re just like that, I guess.


He thought for a couple of minutes and said, ‘ They say that everything happens for a reason. I’m trying to figure out why this happened. If this didn’t happen, I know for a fact that we wouldn’t be talking to each other. I would have gotten drunk again, and you would be sulking at Howie’s. It’s just how we are. We can both be stubborn sometimes. Too stubborn to admit when we’re wrong, but the first to say we’re right.


“ Also, maybe someone was trying to show me how much I love you, how much I miss you. Make me realize that I’ve taken you for granted. So many times it happened. I would get hurt, and I would assume you would be there. You were always there.


“ When Howie called me and told me what happened, I couldn’t believe it. Just an hour earlier you had the guts to tell me to leave. To never come back. By the way, that took guts. I owe you one. Anyway, now I’m sitting here pouring my heart out to you, and you don’t even know it.


“ I thought I had lost you there for a couple of hours. I thought I lost both of you. There was no word on either one of you for a long time. A couple of hours at least. I literally freaked. I punched the wall and freaked. I know you would have loved to see that.


“ I don’t know what I’d do without you. You’re a true friend. Sometimes, I wonder if there’s something more. When we flirt, it seems like it’s for real. Right now, I look at you and wonder if there could be something between us, or if there already is. I’d love it if it were true. Some days I’d pray that you would say ‘I love you’, just so I could stop the bullshit that was happening around me. I’ve gone through so many girlfriends it’s not even funny. I just want to find the right person for me. You know? Sometimes I think that there will never be anyone for me. It gets frustrating when they date you for your money and not you. I’m 25; I’ve got millions upon millions of dollars and twice as many fans. God, you’d think that I would be married and happy by now. No, I’m stuck looking and looking for the one person who will see beyond the money and fame. Even if I do find someone like that, I always lose them. They were lying from the beginning and leave you after they get what they want. That’s why I stuck with one-night stands. You leave them anyway. You leave them before they can leave you. That way, you get no broken hearts.


“ It’s gets lonely being by yourself. You have no one to go to when you’re not feeling well. You have no one to call on the road except your mom. You have to walk on the beach by yourself. I think that was why I brought a girl home every night. You’d think that you’d never be lonely. You have a different girl each night. You get laid every night. What a life, right? You still end up lonely in the end.


“ Some days I only get out of bed because of you. You are the reason that I’m alive today. You really saved my life. I’ve never told anyone this, but you’re unconscious, so what’s the harm, right? It was about a year ago. I was so screwed up. It seemed like the guys were nagging on me 24/7. Nicole had just left me. To sum it all up, I felt like total shit, and I felt completely and utterly alone. Well, one night I decided to end it all. End all the drinking, the loneliness, and the heartache. I had the pills ready; I had them in my hand. I thought of you right before I swallowed them. I spit them out because I couldn’t bear to leave you. I broke down crying, and then you knocked on the door. I didn’t answer at first and I think I scared you. I think you knew I would try something. Anyway, I answered so you would stop worrying and I came to them door. I shut it behind me as I came out. You asked me what was wrong. I told you that it was about Nicole. You knew I was lying, but you didn’t push it. You took me to your room. I fell asleep in your room that night. The next morning when I went to my room to change, I threw every last one of the pills away. No one ever found out. Not even you. I’m still surprised. I mean, you probably suspected it, but you never said anything.


“ A couple days later I was out with Howie. Somehow, the conversation came to you and me. He said something to me that I’ll remember forever. He said, ‘ falling in love with Anna is inevitable, J. One of these days you’ll realize it. You’ll be head over heels in love with that girl.’


“ At the time, I laughed it off. Now, I’m not sure. There were somedays I’d think back on his words and wonder how the hell he knew. Other days, I would hate you so much that I would go to him, laugh in his face, and tell him how wrong he was. Now, right now, I want to ask him how he knew. Ever since this afternoon, I’ve been thinking about the possibility that I really was jealous at Nick. About everything I’ve said tonight. If he were here right now, I’d tell him, ‘ yeah, you were right.’


“ Anna, I think that I have finally realized that I’ve fallen ‘head over heels in love with that girl.’ I think I’ve fallen in love with you Anna.”

Chapter 8




Without family, you’re incomplete.




Brian, Nick, and Howie went into Kevin’s room.


Brian ran over to Kevin’s bed and hugged him. He said, “ thank god you’re alive, Kevin.”


Kevin laughed and hugged him back. Nick and Howie stayed by the door to let Brian and Kevin have time together.


Kevin asked Brian, “ How’s Anna doing? The doctor wouldn’t tell me anything. They brought me in here and left me in the dark.”


“ Um… she’s worse than you are. We don’t know exactly how bad she is, but she’s in a coma. They don’t know if she’ll ever wake up.” Brian said.


“ God, why did it have to happen to her? She just got her life back on track again. It’s not fair, god dammit.”


“ Kev, you gotta stay calm. We know it’s not fair. We know. We’ve been thinking the worst about her for the last 4 hours. They wouldn’t tell us anything. We knew nothing. Then, when the doctor came, we thought she was dead, Kev. It was awful.” Brian said almost in tears.


“ Come here, Bri.” Kevin said as he enveloped him in a hug.


“ It’s gonna be alright bri. I can feel it.” Said Kevin.


“ I hope so.” Said Brian.


The doctor walked in and introduced himself to Kevin. Dr. Davies said, “ Okay. I have news on both of you, but I’ll give you your condition first. You have severely broken your left leg. You also have a nasty cut on your forehead that may leave a mark. If it does, we can get plastic surgery down here to give you your options if you like. Um… you also have a couple fractured ribs, so be careful. I don’t think you’ll be dancing for a while. You’ll have to stay off your feet for a couple days and then I’ll give you some crutches and you’ll be free to go. Now, Anna is worse than you. Much worse. Let me tell you how the accident happened, and then you’ll be able to realize how lucky you both were. While you were going through the intersection, a semi ran a red light and hit you. He hit on Anna’s side of the car, so therefore she was the worst. After the truck hit you, you rolled 6 maybe 7 times down an embankment. The firefighters told me that she was unconscious when they took her out of the car.”


“ No, she was awake for a couple minutes. She talked to me.” Kevin said.


“ Okay. Thanks. I’ll take note of that. Anyway, she came in and never regained consciousness. We did all we could for her, and we set her to her room. As of right now, she is in a coma. We don’t know when she will wake up. It could be tomorrow, it could be next week. It could be never. We don’t know. What we do know is that she did sustain some brain damage. We won’t know the extent of that until she wakes up. Some outcomes could be amnesia: permanent or not we don’t know. Others could include paralysis, she may not be able to talk or walk ever again. Of course, those are in the extreme cases. In her case, I think she will have amnesia at the most. Nothing more serious than that.”


“ But amnesia is really serious. What’s worse than not being able to recognize your family and friends?” said Nick.


“ Nick, knock it off. She could have died.” Said Kevin.


“ Mr. Carter is right, though. Amnesia is very serious and it gets really frustrating. You all will need a lot of patience with her until she regains her memory. Answer all of her questions, whether they are about fights, or dead family members. Oftentimes, that will be the first thing amnesia patients remember. They remember the things that have impacted their lives in the harshest way. Many families make the mistake of lying to them. The family members don’t want them to remember the bad things that have happened. They want to remind them of the good things that happened. The family members don’t realize that they are hurting them. The patients often get confused when they aren’t told the entire truth.


“ Back to her injuries. She also has several broken ribs, a broken left arm, cuts, bruises and scrapes. For a little while, she will look like she was beaten. The cuts and bruises will fade. If any outstanding scars are left, there is always that option of plastic surgery. Seeing as you both have public images, I assume you will be needing plastic surgery.”


“ Doctor, how back will the scar be?” asked Kevin.


“ I don’t think they will be very bad. Some of them might be darker than the others.”


‘ Okay. How about if we get back to you on that.”


“ No problem. I’ll be back in the morning. If anything changes with your sister I will inform you. I want you to stay in bed and don’t stay up too late okay, Mr. Richardson?”


“ Okay.” Kevin said.


Just as the doctor was about to leave the room, Kevin said, “ hey, doc? Thanks for everything.”


“ No problem.” He said as he walked out the door.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~** Anna’s room the next morning**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


AJ had fallen asleep on the side of her bed. He had his head resting next to her hand. Anna opened her eyes slowly and looked around. Her eyes feel on AJ’s sleeping form. She stroked his cheek with her hand. He woke up and sat up.


He smiled and said, “ Hey, you’re awake. How are you feeling?”


She looked at him and asked, “ Do I know you?”

Chapter 9




“ Anna, it’s me, Alex.” AJ said getting worried.


“ I’m sorry. I don’t know you.” She said looking confused.


“ God, Ann. Please remember me. I’m your best friend.” AJ said in desperation.


“ I can’t remember anything. I’m so sorry. I must have been important to you.” She said.


If you only knew, Ann Thought AJ as he looked around for any clues as to what her injuries were.


“ I’ll be back.” He said before running out of the room.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


AJ found his way down the hall to Kevin’s room. He literally ran all the way down the hallway. He ran into a nurse and tripped a couple of times before he made it inside the room. He burst through the door to find the guys watching TV and eating breakfast.


Brian noticed him first and said, “ Hey. Why did you come busting through the door like you just saw a ghost?”


“ It’s worse than that. Anna… Anna…” he said as he tried to catch his breath.


Kevin said, “ AJ. Catch your breath and then tell us what happened, okay?”


AJ caught his breath and continued, “ Anna woke up.”


“ Well, that’s great.” Said Kevin.


“ Wait. That’s not all. I asked her how she was feeling and she looked at me funny.”


“ She always looks at you funny.” Said Howie.


“ You don’t understand. Let me finish. She doesn’t remember me. She asked me who I was.” AJ said.


“ He was right.” Said Howie.


“ I had a feeling this would happen.” Said Brian.


“ He is a doctor after all. Why wouldn’t he be right?” said Nick.


“ What the hell is going on here? What do you guys know that I don’t?” screamed AJ.


“ AJ, calm down.” Said Kevin.


“ Why should I calm down? I just found out that the person I’m falling in love with doesn’t remember me.” Said AJ as he sank to the floor.


Howie smiled and said, “ I knew it. I told you didn’t I, Aje? I told you it would happen.”
“ Yeah, Yeah. Thanks for the insight. It helps a lot. It really does.” AJ grumbled in his hands.


“ Okay, you and I will talk about that later. Now, I’ll tell you why she doesn’t remember you and why we’re lucky that that’s all she can’t do.” Said Kevin.


“ I’m listening.” Said AJ.


“ She’s lucky that she’s still alive. She could have died AJ. Did you know that?” asked Howie.


“ Yeah. You told me last night on my cell phone. Oh, by the way, thanks for freaking me out last night. Let’s just say that I don’t drive well when I’m scared shitless.” Said AJ.


“ I had to tell you.” Howie said defending himself.


“ Not like that you didn’t. You could have waited until I was at the hospital before you break the news that my best friend and my brother could have died.” Said AJ getting up to face Howie.


“ You consider me your brother?” asked Kevin.


AJ turned to look at Kevin and said, “ Yeah. I always have.”


“ Come here.” Kevin said.


AJ walked over to the side of the bed and gave him a hug.


“ I was so worried last night. I was afraid that I’d never see you guys again.” He said into Kevin’s shoulder.


“ AJ, it will all be okay. I’m fine, and Anna will be fine.” Kevin said.


AJ pulled away a little embarrassed that he just hugged Kevin so long. AJ said to the guys, “ This never leaves this room. You hear me? No one will know what just went on with Kev and I, got it? Nick. Howie. Brian.”


“ Got it.” They said at once.


“ Now, back to Anna.” Said Kevin.


“ We’re going to go see Anna, okay? We’ll leave you guys alone for a little while.” Said Howie pushing Brian and Nick out the door.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


“ Sit down make yourself comfortable. We need to talk.” Said Kevin.


AJ pulled a chair up next to the bed and sat in it backwards. AJ said, “ Uh, oh.”


“ Hey. She doesn’t have a dad, so you get me. Got any problems?” said Kevin getting serious.


“ No. I would like to know what’s wrong with her. I saw a cast on her arm.”


“ Yeah, she broke her arm. She has a few broken ribs. The doctor said that she had suffered some brain damage. He wasn’t sure if she would ever wake up, so this is good. She’s awake. The doctor didn’t know if she would have amnesia. Now, I don’t know if she just doesn’t remember you because of your fight yesterday. She might have blocked you out of her mind subconsciously. The doctor also said that they would do tests on her whenever she woke up to see if the amnesia would be permanent or not. Let’s just hope it’s not. I don’t want to break it to her again that her parents are dead, because she’s bound to ask for her mother or father. I don’t want to be the one to tell her that I’m all she has left in the way of immediate family.”


“ Yeah. That would suck.”


“ Watch your language. You’re in public.”


“ Sorry.”


“ It’s okay. I feel the same way you do. So now all we can do is hope, and help her get her memory back.”


“ How do we do that?”


“ We pretend that everything is normal. We don’t want to baby her, but we don’t want to lie to her. If she asks if you guys had a fight yesterday, you tell her every detail. I’m guessing that she will be having nightmares about the accident. I know I had nightmares last night. I don’t want to imagine how they will affect her. She will probably need someone there for her to calm her down. I can’t do everything. I have a broken leg, so I’ll need some help around the house. Are you up to it?”


“ Yes. I’ll try my best, but I would love that. I plan on putting my feelings on hold for a while. At least a couple of months. I don’t want to freak her out, yet. Plus, I don’t really want to tell her yet. If she’s the same as before, I don’t know how she’s gonna act. She’s as unpredictable as I am.”


“ Tell me about it. I’ve had to put up with the two of you.” Said Kevin.


“ So, I guess I’ll go see her.”


“ Ask the doctor if I could come too. I really want to see her.”


“ No problem. I’ll be right back.” Said AJ.


He came back with a wheelchair and he helped Kevin sit in it. They were soon on their way down the hall to visit Anna whether she remembered them or not.

Chapter 10




Every man is afraid of something; that’s when you know he loves you; when he’s afraid of losing you.




The doctor let Kevin see Anna for a little while. So, AJ got a wheelchair and took Kevin to her room. When they came into her room, all eyes were on them. AJ wheeled Kevin over to the side of her bed.


Brian came over and said, “ Anna, this is your brother…”


“ Kevin.” She said looking into his eyes.


“ Oh my god. You remember me. I can’t believe it.” Said Kevin.


“ Holy shit.” Said AJ.


“ Anna, I’m so sorry that I’m putting you through this. I didn’t mean it.” Said Kevin.


“ What do you mean?” she asked.


“ I was driving during the accident. It was my fault.” He said.


“ What accident?”


“ You don’t remember? Well, we left Howie’s house after the argument. When we went through an intersection a tractor trailer hit your side of the car. We rolled to the bottom of an embankment. The last thing you said to me was ‘ I love you.’ Then, you blacked out.” Said Kevin.


“ What argument?”


“ Ummm. You and AJ had a really bad argument. You both said some terrible stuff about each other. AJ took off and I talked to you about it. AJ considered your friendship over.” Said Kevin.


“ Oh. Okay.” Said Anna.


“ What do you remember?” asked Nick.


“ umm, Nick, right?”


“ Yeah.”


“ I remember touring and dancing.”


“ Yeah, we just got finished with our tour last week.” Said Howie.


“ I think I remember dating some guy. I can’t remember his name. He had blonde hair and brown eyes.”


“ Jason?” asked Brian.


“ Yeah. I remember a really big argument with Kevin and I.”


“ Yeah. That’s right.” Said Kevin.


“ I remember a funeral. I think it was a man’s.”


“ Yeah. That was our father. He died of colon cancer.” Kevin said.


“ I remember a car accident. I think mom died.”


“ That’s right also.” Said Brian.


“ I remember shopping with AJ. I think the dress was a dark blue.”


“ Yeah. That was the 2000 MTV music awards. You went as my date, because I didn’t have one. That was fun.” Said AJ smiling.


“ AJ, we must have been close. Everything that I remember now, you were involved somehow. The funerals, the fights, the shows, everything.” She said looking towards AJ.


“ That’s true too. You guys have been best friends ever since the group started out.” Said Howie.


“What group?” she asked.


“ The Backstreet Boys?”


“ Ohh yeah. I forgot. I’m sorry. It looked like I scared you guys” she grinned sheepishly.


“ It’s okay. We’re just trying to see if you remember anything.” Said Brian.


“ Do you remember anything from the accident?” asked Kevin.


“ No. The last thing I remember is going clubbing. AJ, me and Kevin went.” She said.


“ That was the night before the accident.” Said Kevin more to himself than to the rest of them.


“ You don’t remember what happened by the pool yesterday?” asked Nick.


“ No. I don’t remember a pool.”


“ I have an inground pool at my house. We were swimming yesterday.” Said Howie.


“ What happened by the pool?” asked AJ.


“ Nothing.” Nick said quickly.


“ Nick. You have to tell her.” Said Kevin in a warning tone.


“ Fine. You got out of the pool and went up to your room at Howie’s house. I followed you up and we talked for a little while. I said I wanted to show you something, and I…” said Nick.


“ What did you say?” asked AJ getting more anxious by the minute.


“ This is why I didn’t want to tell you guys. I knew he would get mad.” Whined Nick.


“ Just tell us and get it over with.” Said Kevin.


“I told you that I had fallen in love with you and I kissed you.” Said Nick.


AJ flew off the handle. He yelled, “ You bastard.” Before anyone knew what was happening AJ had Nick pinned against the floor. Howie rushed to get AJ off of Nick while Brian helped Nick up. They were separated to opposite ends of the room.


“ What the hell is your problem?” asked Nick.


“ You did this to her. You provoked her. It’s all your fault.” Yelled AJ.


“ You were the one who caused the argument. If you hadn’t barged in on us, who knows what would have happened.” Yelled Nick.


“ Oh, yeah? What do you think would have happened? She certainly wouldn’t have slept with you.” Yelled AJ.


“ She might have. You never know.”


“ She wouldn’t have ever done that.”


“ How do you know.”


“ Because I know her better than I know her myself.”


“ Maybe she changed.”


“ She knew to stay away from you.”


“ What makes you say that?”


“ I told her several times. I knew you had fallen in love with her.”


Nick got angry and stormed AJ. He pinned him against the wall and said, “ what did you say to her?”


“I told her that I didn’t want her to get sucked into your world. I told her you were no good. I told her that you were a drunk and a player.” AJ said as he looked Nick square in the eye.


“ How dare you.” Nick said as he started punching AJ. He didn’t stop until Brian and Howie pulled him back as AJ sank to the floor in severe pain.


“ AJ, are you all right?” asked Howie as he kneeled down next to him.


“ I… I don’t know.” he said.


Nick said, “ Hey, Aje. I learned from the best.”

Chapter 11: This is Where I Belong




Reach high, for stars lie hidden in your soul.






Howie took AJ to see the doctor. They weren’t sure if Nick had broken anything or not. They thought it would be better to be safe than sorry. Brian had Nick sitting up against the wall.


Brian said, “ Kev, what do I do with them? How do I make them stop fighting?”


“ I don’t know. We can’t keep them in separate rooms. I mean part of me wants to let them fight, but when it gets that physical someone has to step in.” Kevin said while glaring at Nick.


“ Hey, it wasn’t my fault. He started it.” Said Nick putting his hands up to defend himself.


“ Bullshit, Nick. You were the one that hauled off and hit him. He didn’t even hit you back. If we didn’t have two of us in the hospital and one more possibly in the hospital I would beat your ass right now for what you pulled. It wasn’t right nick. We don’t need this. AJ especially doesn’t need this. He’s in enough pain already. How would you feel if the person you love can’t remember who you are, but she remembers everyone else?” yelled Brian.


“ Brian…” hissed Kevin.


“ What? What’d I say?” he asked.


“ Something you weren’t suppose to. Now get out. Both of you, now!” said Kevin.


They both left reluctantly leaving brother and sister alone together for the first time after the accident.


“ I feel so bad that I can’t remember AJ.” Said Anna.


“ Alex. You always called him Alex.” Corrected Kevin.


“ Sorry. I didn’t know.” She paused and said, “ it must be hard for him to here me call him AJ, huh.”


“ Yeah. You want to know the last thing you said to him?”


“ What?”


“ You said, ‘ Leave, AJ, and never come back.’”


“ Ouch.”


“ Yeah, he took it pretty hard. Apparently he came running in the hospital to see you in time.”


“ What do you mean? In time for what?” she asked.


“ The doctor’s told us that you might not make it through the night.”


“ Oh. We had a big fight before the accident, right?”


“ Yeah. Apparently Nick kissed you, and he saw you guys making out. He freaked out and left. I guess you got him to talk to you before he left. I don’t know what was said or anything. You’ll have to ask him about it.”


“ He seems like a nice guy.” She said changing the subject.


“ Oh, he’s a great guy. He’s just had some problems along the way, that’s all.”


“ What kind of problems?”


“ He was into drugs and alcohol a couple years back. He was a player there for a period, too.”


“ So that’s what Nick meant before.”


“ Yeah. Nick and AJ have been fighting more and more these days.” He said.


“ Why?”


He shrugged his shoulders and said, “ I think it’s because AJ cares for him. He doesn’t want Nick to get caught in the same stuff that he got caught up in. Nick almost died, you know.”


“ How?”


“ He was drunk and he took some pain pills for his ‘headache.’”


“ Oh. How long ago was that?”


“ Two weeks ago.”


“Shit, that soon?”


“ Yeah. You were so pissed off at him. You gave him no sympathy. You told him he deserved it.”


“ I was that hard on him?”


“ Yeah, but you always were. It’s funny.”


“ What’s funny?” she asked.


“ The fact that you and AJ are so much alike. When you guys fight, it’s a really big fight. Most of the time, the fight started because of something really stupid. I remember you and AJ fought for days all because he took your French fries.”


“Jeez. Were we that stupid?”


“ No, but it kept the fun around forever. With you two, there was never a dull moment.”


“ What’s makes you think that it’ll change?”


“ I just know, Ann. You’re not the same as before. Hell, nobody is the same as they were yesterday.”


“ I can’t really help that Kevin. If I can’t remember anything then how can you expect me to be the same as yesterday.”


“ I know, and I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. It’s just that one mistake changed our lives forever. You’ll never be the same. Our relationship will never be the same.”


“ Why won’t our relationship be the same?”


“ Because every time I look at you, I blame myself for what happened. I put you here.”


“ Kevin don’t say that. It was the other driver’s fault. Not yours. Because of you, I’m not alone in all this. I never was alone. Because of all you guys, I don’t have to face my memories alone. That means a lot to me.” She said getting tears in her eyes.


Kevin got up, hugged her and said, “ I will never leave you, and I can guarantee that there are four people outside that are willing to risk their lives to help you. I love you Anna.”


“ I love you too, Kevin.” Smiled and thought to herself: Now, I know this is were I belong. With my family.

CHAPTER 12


Some people make the world special just by being in it.






AJ sighed and said, “ Howie, I’m afraid.”


Howie stopped walking away and said, “ Afraid of what?”


“ I’m afraid I’m going to lose her, Howie.” Said AJ looking vulnerable.


Howie sat down and said, “ What makes you think that you’re going to lose her?”


“ I’m afraid that she’s going to start to remember the way that I am and she won’t want to have anything to do with me.”


“ Why would she do that?” asked Howie.


“ Because I’m an asshole. I don’t deserve her. She doesn’t need to have someone like me screwing up her life. I think she’s better off without me.”


“ You’re not making any sense. Are you afraid that she’ll remember the fight and think less of you because of the words that were said?”


“ I don’t know. I’m so confused.”


“ If you’re afraid, you should tell her and let her know what really happened before someone goes and puts ideas in her head. She’s going to remember everything in the end anyway.”


“ You think?”


“ I have faith that she will recover.” Howie said nodding his head.


“ Did you really mean the words you said before? About how you saved my life?”


Howie sighed and said, “ Yeah. You came home one night and were high and drunk. You wouldn’t let us help you, so you passed out cold in your room. Well, all that night someone was there watching you to make sure you were still breathing.”


“ Oh.” He said and then fell silent.


Out of the blue AJ asks, “ Do you think she loves me?”


“ What?”


“ Do you think she loves me?” AJ repeated.


“ I don’t know Aje. Everything is so screwed up right now. I’m sure Kevin is in there telling her stuff about you. I honestly don’t know how she feels.” He said.


“ I’m just afraid. Do you notice how she calls me AJ? She always called me Alex. The last thing she said to me she called me AJ. That’s when I knew things had changed.”


“ She was just mad, Aje. She was just as mad as you were and she used your nickname to piss you off that’s all.”


“ That’s not it. It’s just… on my way to the beach, I couldn’t get her out of my head. I couldn’t get the fact that she didn’t call me Alex out of my head. It just kept coming back to haunt me. It seemed like it was all a bad dream, you know. And then I found out that she might die, I kept thinking ‘AJ, you can’t end things this way. You can’t leave her hating you.’ I was so afraid that she would die and I would never get to say I’m sorry. I was just so afraid that I would lose her before I got to say anything. When I got into her room, I said everything that I had wanted to say to her, just in case she never woke up. I wonder if she’ll remember the stuff I said. Do you think she will?”


“ I don’t know. I mean, I can understand how you felt. I’m sure Nick felt the same way.”


“ On the way here, I suddenly regretted all the times that we fought. I regretted saying the things that I said yesterday. When something like this happens, it makes you rearrange your priorities, and it makes every little thing count. Like, the day we went to the beach and Anna and I went walking alone for three hours, just talking. It makes moments like that freeze in your mind forever.”


“ I know. I started regretting every bad word I ever said to Kev. I regretted all the times that we fought when we should have been spending quality time together.” Said Howie.


“ You know what I think?”


“ Oh, No. He’s thinking. Good thing that we’re at a hospital.”


“ Shut up. But seriously, we don’t know how much time we have here on earth. We don’t know when one of us is going to be taken away. It made me realize that fighting is stupid when you get down to the point. It seems like everything we fought about at one time or another was trivial. It doesn’t matter what we fought about. When we’re on our death bed and we see our life flash before our eyes, we’re going to remember the fights, and not exactly what we fought about.”


“ Yeah it makes everything seem so small compared to the fact that we could die any minute of any day.”


“ I know I regret everything that I did in the past two years. What do you regret?”


“ I regret not being there for you as often as I should have. Half the time I figured that you were doing it for attention. I never once stopped to think if you were really sick.”


“ I regret the fact that I took you guys for granted so many times. I now realize that it wasn’t fair to you guys. I should have faced the consequences.”


“ Yeah, you should have.”


“ Hey, you’re supposed to tell me that it was okay to rely on you guys.”


“ AJ, you weren’t relying on us. You were using us.”


“ However you want to put it.”


“You’re so funny, Aje. C’mon. Let’s go see that woman of yours.” Howie said as he laughed at AJ’s words.


“ I like the sound of that. She’s all mine Howie.” AJ said as he caught up to Howie.


“ Not until she remembers how she feels about you, of course.” Howie said looking at Him.


“ Oh, of course.” AJ said as he slung his arm around Howie’s neck.


They walked back into the hospital and up to Anna’s room. They stopped right outside the door when they heard Anna ask a question.


“ Kevin? What kind of feelings did I have towards AJ… I mean Alex? Did I think of him as a brother, or was there more there than that?” Anna asked.


AJ held his breath as he waited for Kevin’s answer.


“ Well, you told me about three weeks ago that you thought you were falling in love with him.” Said Kevin.


AJ looked at Howie with wide eyes.


“ Well, Kevin, how will I know if I fall in love with him? I mean, I don’t really feel like myself, so could I love him just the same as I would before?” she asked.


AJ waited to see how Kevin would answer her questions.


“ It’s just something you feel. You know when you’re in love when you can’t stand being apart from them. You find yourself thinking about them for no apparent reason. It’s just something that you feel deep inside your heart. All I can say is that when you get your memory back, you’ll remember all the things that you felt for him. But, now, just go with the flow. Until you can remember, you can rely on me to let you know when you’re doing something that you would never have done before. I think that right now you’ll feel something deep, deep, deep in your heart for him. Those feelings just have to work their way to the surface.” Said Kevin.


Howie whispered, “ Get her flowers. Her favorite kind. Maybe it’ll jog her memory.”


AJ nodded and disappeared down the hall in search for a flower shop.

Chapter 13: Does She Feel This Way?




Some people make the world special just by being in it.




AJ sighed and said, “ Howie, I’m afraid.”


Howie stopped walking away and said, “ Afraid of what?”


“ I’m afraid I’m going to lose her, Howie.” Said AJ looking vulnerable.


Howie sat down and said, “ What makes you think that you’re going to lose her?”


“ I’m afraid that she’s going to start to remember the way that I am and she won’t want to have anything to do with me.”


“ Why would she do that?” asked Howie.


“ Because I’m an asshole. I don’t deserve her. She doesn’t need to have someone like me screwing up her life. I think she’s better off without me.”


“ You’re not making any sense. Are you afraid that she’ll remember the fight and think less of you because of the words that were said?”


“ I don’t know. I’m so confused.”


“ If you’re afraid, you should tell her and let her know what really happened before someone goes and puts ideas in her head. She’s going to remember everything in the end anyway.”


“ You think?”


“ I have faith that she will recover.” Howie said nodding his head.


“ Did you really mean the words you said before? About how you saved my life?”


Howie sighed and said, “ Yeah. You came home one night and were high and drunk. You wouldn’t let us help you, so you passed out cold in your room. Well, all that night someone was there watching you to make sure you were still breathing.”


“ Oh.” He said and then fell silent.


Out of the blue AJ asks, “ Do you think she loves me?”


“ What?”


“ Do you think she loves me?” AJ repeated.


“ I don’t know Aje. Everything is so screwed up right now. I’m sure Kevin is in there telling her stuff about you. I honestly don’t know how she feels.” He said.


“ I’m just afraid. Do you notice how she calls me AJ? She always called me Alex. The last thing she said to me she called me AJ. That’s when I knew things had changed.”


“ She was just mad, Aje. She was just as mad as you were and she used your nickname to piss you off that’s all.”


“ That’s not it. It’s just… on my way to the beach, I couldn’t get her out of my head. I couldn’t get the fact that she didn’t call me Alex out of my head. It just kept coming back to haunt me. It seemed like it was all a bad dream, you know. And then I found out that she might die, I kept thinking ‘AJ, you can’t end things this way. You can’t leave her hating you.’ I was so afraid that she would die and I would never get to say I’m sorry. I was just so afraid that I would lose her before I got to say anything. When I got into her room, I said everything that I had wanted to say to her, just in case she never woke up. I wonder if she’ll remember the stuff I said. Do you think she will?”


“ I don’t know. I mean, I can understand how you felt. I’m sure Nick felt the same way.”


“ On the way here, I suddenly regretted all the times that we fought. I regretted saying the things that I said yesterday. When something like this happens, it makes you rearrange your priorities, and it makes every little thing count. Like, the day we went to the beach and Anna and I went walking alone for three hours, just talking. It makes moments like that freeze in your mind forever.”


“ I know. I started regretting every bad word I ever said to Kev. I regretted all the times that we fought when we should have been spending quality time together.” Said Howie.


“ You know what I think?”


“ Oh, No. He’s thinking. Good thing that we’re at a hospital.”


“ Shut up. But seriously, we don’t know how much time we have here on earth. We don’t know when one of us is going to be taken away. It made me realize that fighting is stupid when you get down to the point. It seems like everything we fought about at one time or another was trivial. It doesn’t matter what we fought about. When we’re on our death bed and we see our life flash before our eyes, we’re going to remember the fights, and not exactly what we fought about.”


“ Yeah it makes everything seem so small compared to the fact that we could die any minute of any day.”


“ I know I regret everything that I did in the past two years. What do you regret?”


“ I regret not being there for you as often as I should have. Half the time I figured that you were doing it for attention. I never once stopped to think if you were really sick.”


“ I regret the fact that I took you guys for granted so many times. I now realize that it wasn’t fair to you guys. I should have faced the consequences.”


“ Yeah, you should have.”


“ Hey, you’re supposed to tell me that it was okay to rely on you guys.”


“ AJ, you weren’t relying on us. You were using us.”


“ However you want to put it.”


“You’re so funny, Aje. C’mon. Let’s go see that woman of yours.” Howie said as he laughed at AJ’s words.


“ I like the sound of that. She’s all mine Howie.” AJ said as he caught up to Howie.


“ Not until she remembers how she feels about you, of course.” Howie said looking at Howie.


“ Oh, of course.” AJ said as he slung his arm around Howie’s neck.


They walked back into the hospital and up to Anna’s room. They stopped right outside the door when they heard Anna ask a question.


“ Kevin? What kind of feelings did I have towards AJ… I mean Alex? Did I think of him as a brother, or was there more there than that?” Anna asked.


AJ held his breath as he waited for Kevin’s answer.


“ Well, you told me about three weeks ago that you thought you were falling in love with him.” Said Kevin.


AJ looked at Howie with wide eyes.


“ Well, Kevin, how will I know if I fall in love with him? I mean, I don’t really feel like myself, so could I love him just the same as I would before?” she asked.


AJ waited to see how Kevin would answer her questions.


“ It’s just something you feel. You know when you’re in love when you can’t stand being apart from them. You find yourself thinking about them for no apparent reason. It’s just something that you feel deep inside your heart. All I can say is that when you get your memory back, you’ll remember all the things that you felt for him. But, now, just go with the flow. Until you can remember, you can rely on me to let you know when you’re doing something that you would never have done before. I think that right now you’ll feel something deep, deep, deep in your heart for him. Those feelings just have to work their way to the surface.” Said Kevin.


Howie whispered, “ Get her flowers. Her favorite kind. Maybe it’ll jog her memory.”


AJ nodded and disappeared down the hall in search for a flower shop.

chapter 14: Realizations




AJ finally found a gift shop in the hospital, and he bought Anna flowers. Flowers always helped to cheer her up. After buying the flowers, he made his way up to her room. He became more and more nervous as he neared the door. He didn’t want to admit that he’d been listening in on a conversation that he shouldn’t have been listening to.


When he reached the door, he took a deep breath, and knocked. After hearing a faint ‘ come in’ he walked in.


AJ said, “ Hey, What’s up?”


“ Nothing much. Kevin and I were just talking.” Said Anna.


“ Would you like me to leave?” AJ asked.


“ No, I was just leaving.” Kevin said as he got up.


“ No, really. I’ll leave. I didn’t know you guys were talking.”


“ It’s okay. You need to spend time with her, anyway. Ann, I’ll be back later.” Kevin said before leaving the room closing the door behind him.


AJ walked over to her bed and held out the flowers. “ These are for you. Red roses were always your favorite. I thought they would help cheer you up.”


“ Thank You, Alex.”


He blinked and said, “ What did you say?”


“ I said thank you. For the flowers?” she said questionably.


“ You… You called me Alex.” He whispered.


“ I have always called you Alex. Why should I stop now?” she said.


“ You remembered?” he said coming closer to the bed.


She just nodded because no words would form. She hated lying to him, but she didn’t want to break his heart. She wanted to provide him with some hope, and if she could do that by lying to him, then so be it.


“ I never thought you would call me that again.” He said.


“ Why?”


“ The way that you looked at me the first time. It was as if you’d never seen me before. It scared me to think that my best friend didn’t remember me.”


“ I’m sorry.” She said looking down at her hands.


AJ lifted her chin up so that she was looking at him and said, “ You don’t have to be sorry. It wasn’t your fault. I’m just glad that you’re okay now.”


“ Me too.” She said all the while thinking that she would never remember the man in front of her. She would never remember the things they did together. She feared that she would never remember the man she had fallen in love with.


She suddenly felt AJ’s arms encircle her shoulders. She sagged against his protective arms and cried. She cried for everything that she had lost. She cried for everything that could have been, and everything that should have been.




AJ’s POV




She grew silent and she started crying. I asked her several times what was wrong, and she didn’t answer. It was almost as if she was lost in her thoughts. It scared me to think that she was going through this alone, so I did the only thing I could think of to comfort her. I sat down on the side of her bed and hugged her. Once she felt my arms around her she started crying harder. She cried until there was nothing left. Whatever she was crying about must have really shaken her up. I held her until she stopped shaking and her breathing returned to normal.


She looked up at me and said, “ I’m sorry.”


There it was again. She kept apologizing for something she didn’t do. I’m supposed to be comforting her and she’s apologizing for crying.


I looked down at her and my heart went out to her. She looked so lost and scared. I said, “ That’s what I’m here for. I’ll always be here for you.”


She was silent in my arms for a while and then she said, “ What did we fight about? What did I say that made you never want to come back?”


I tensed up and said, “ Do you really want to know?”


“ Yeah.”


“ Okay. I just want you to know that I regret everything that I said that day. I know that you regret saying the things that you said also. So, don’t blame yourself for what happened. It was my fault anyways. I started the whole fight.”


“ Don’t say that.”


I looked down at her and said, “ Are you going to say that after you here what happened? That’s what Nick and I were fighting about.”


“ Oh.”


“ Do you still want to know?”


“ Yeah.”


“ Okay. We were playing in the pool and all of a sudden you said you had had enough, and you left to go get changed. Soon after you left, Nick excused himself. He didn’t tell us where he was going, he just left. I wanted to go check on you, because I was worried about you. You didn’t seem yourself lately, and I just wanted to make sure that you were okay. When I went up to your room, I saw something that I never expected to see. You and nick were making out by the window. You two looked really comfortable, and he looked like he was about to take your shirt off. Anyway, I freaked out on you and I ran away. I had to get out of there. I couldn’t stand to see you make that mistake. Well, you ran after me and we ended up in the middle of the road screaming at each other. I told you that he was bad news, and you basically told me to fuck off. You also told me that I used to be the same way that Nick is and I didn’t like that too much. I told you to never bring that subject up again with me. Then, Kevin and the rest of the guys came out and broke us up. I walked away from you and you called me a coward for leaving. You asked me what my problem was and I told you. I told you that I didn’t need you yelling at me and I couldn’t take it anymore. You told me that I would lose you if I didn’t straighten up and come to my senses. I told you to fuck off and I left. End of story.”


“ End of story?”


“ Yeah. I talked to Kevin, and I told him that I no longer considered you my friend. I punched my car because of you.”


“ Do you consider me your friend now?”


“ I don’t know. When Howie called me and told me about the accident, I was scared. I was scared that I would never see you again. That’s when I realized that I…” I caught myself before I could finish my sentence. I didn’t want to tell her that I loved her yet. It wasn’t the right time.


She picked up on something and said, “ You realized what?”


“ Nothing. I just realized that I might not ever see you again. I realized that I couldn’t live my life without you.” I said.


She put her arms around me and said, “ I remember. I remember everything. I remember everything that we fought about. I remember kissing nick and… and I liked it. I remember thinking ‘ fuck, Alex.’ I remember wanting to go farther with Nick. Then, when we fought, and I saw how much it would have really affected you, I went and told Nick that I didn’t think of him in that way. Then, he told me to shove it. He left after that, I think.”


I sat there frozen. I couldn’t move. Not after what she just told me. She really doesn’t love me does she? She wanted Nick the whole time.


“ Alex?” she asked.


I looked at her and I suddenly couldn’t be there anymore. I had to leave. I got up and left. I ran out of the building as fast as I could. I had to get away. I had to get away from the person that I loved. The person who didn’t love me in return.

Chapter 15: Suicide




AJ’s POV


I just kept running. I didn’t know where I was going because of the tears that were blinding my eyesight. All I knew that I had to get away from there. From her. Everytime I saw her, I was reminded of all the things that she’s done in the past. All of the things that she has done that had hurt me. But, I was always there for her. No matter what she did to me, I was always there. Everytime one of her new boyfriends screwed her over I was there to pick up the pieces. This time, I won’t do it. I won’t. If she gets screwed, it’s her problem. I warned her.


When I stopped, I looked around to see where I was. It looked like some kind of pond or something. It was probably one of those manmade ponds that the city put in the middle of a park. Oh, well. It’s not like I’m going back to the hospital anyway.


I leaned on a wooden bridge and looked out over the park. “ Man, my life is so fucking screwed up.” I said to no one in particular.


Just then, my pants started ringing. I took out my cell phone as I cursed myself. Why did I have to bring it? I looked at the caller ID to see who it was. Just my luck.


“ Hello.”


“ AJ?”


“ What the fuck do you want?” I said my anger getting the best of me.


“ Are you okay?”


“ My former best friend just told me that she wanted to fuck Nick. She would have gone through with it if I hadn’t been there. She basically told me that she has no feelings for me. I’m just peachy. How are you doing?”


“ AJ, knock it off. She isn’t herself right now. She doesn’t remember anything.”


“ Bullshit, Kevin. She remembers the fight. She remembers everything. Don’t go taking her side on me, Kev.”


“ She’s my sister AJ! What do you want me to do? I can’t just go in and tell her she’s wrong.”


“ What am I going to do? I love her Kevin. I can’t lose her.” I said letting my emotions get the best of me.


“ You can come back and apologize.” Kevin said.


“ I can’t. I can’t go back there and pretend that she didn’t just break my heart back there. I swear I could have heard my heart shattering the second she told me that she liked kissing Nick.”


“ What’s wrong with Nick?”


“ He’s not me. That’s what’s wrong. All these years I have seen her go through relationships with guys. I’ve seen her get abused, and raped, and screwed over. They used her Kev.”


“ I know. I remember just as well as you do.”


“ I don’t think I can bear seeing her have a relationship with Nick. It should be me.”


“ I know it should. She has to make her own decision, AJ. If she doesn’t, she’s never going to learn if she doesn’t.”


“ I don’t think I can take much more of this. I can’t go on. I honestly don’t think I can go on.”


“ AJ, don’t do anything stupid.”


“ Like anyone would miss me.”


“ Don’t think like that. You’re scaring me.”


“ Maybe it’s the truth.”


“ No it’s not AJ. You can’t be serious.”


I just broke down. “ Why did God do this to me. Why?”


“ I don’t know, Aje. He didn’t do this on purpose.”


“ I finally find someone, and He takes her away from me.”


“ She’s not gone, Aje. She loves you.”


“ That was before the accident. Now, she wants me to sit back and watch her fuck Nick. I don’t think so.”


“ Then, do something about it. Don’t just sit there and let her get away.”


“ What do I do. It seems as though she’s made up her mind.”


“ She didn’t make up her mind, Aje. She was just telling you how she felt at the time. Maybe she just had physical feelings for Nick. Maybe he caught her at the right time. Listen, Aje. I know my sister, and she had no intention of hurting you. None what so ever. She loved you. Nothing is going to change that. You just have to let her be herself. You have to give her time to heal. Give her time to realize what she feels. Just give her time.”


“ Like that’s going to make a difference.”


“ You never know. Just come back here, and we can work this out. We’ll get through this.”


“ Why are you helping me?”


“ Remember when you helped me talk to her again? You made me realize that I was losing so much by fighting with her. It’s my turn now to repay your favor. I want to make you realize that you two are meant for each other. If you keep fighting, you’re going to lose so much. I don’t want to see you guys hate each other. It’s not worth it.”


“ I guess you’re right.”


“ So, are you coming back?”


“ Yeah, I’m coming back.”


“ Good. I’ll see you back here.”


“ Hey, Kev?”


“ Yeah?”


“ Thanks.”


“ It’s the least I can do. Now, get your ass back here.”


“ Yes sir.”

Chapter 16: You’ll Get Yours




AJ and Howie went back up to Anna’s room to find her asleep. Then, they went over to Kevin’s room to find the rest of the guys watching ESPN. They were rooting for opposite teams, so the room was constantly bickering over whether the play was good or not. The three of them looked up as AJ and Howie walked into the room. Kevin was with Howie earlier when AJ ran out.


Kevin asked, “ Aje, you okay?”


“ Yeah, I’m fine Kev. Everything’s good.”


Kevin smiled and said, “ Good. I’m glad.”


“ When do we get to leave the hospital, anyway?” whined Nick.


“ Well, Nick, you can leave whenever you want. Anna and Kev have to stay until tomorrow morning.” Said Brian.


“ Yeah, that’s right. I’m free tomorrow.” Said Kevin.


“ Not exactly free, Kev. You can’t do much on crutches, you know that, don’t you?” said Howie.


“ Yeah, I know. I can dream, though, can’t I?” joked Kev.


“ Yeah, I guess so. As long as you don’t sneak out in the middle of the night to go out with some chick.” Said AJ.


“ Now what makes you think that I would do that, Alexander?” said Kevin.


“ Uh, oh. He used your real name. I’d watch out if I were you.” said Nick.


“ I’m not afraid of Kevin. He’s crippled. He can’t do anything even if he wanted to.” Said AJ.


“ I’d watch your back McLean. You never know what could happen in the middle of the night in a big house. Just watch your back.” Said Kevin evilly.


AJ gulped and said, “ Okay, who’s playing.”


The four guys burst out laughing as AJ cowered away from Kevin. They all knew that Kevin could do anything he wanted to the guys. Half the time they deserved it. It was just Kevin’s job to keep them in line.


“ Have a seat, Aje. Don’t be afraid. I would never hurt you. It’s light out, anyway. Just wait until it gets dark out.” Said Kevin as he pretended to laugh evilly.


AJ said, “ umm. I think I’ll go visit Ann. She must be lonely.”


The rest of the guys laughed as AJ ran out of the room.

Chapter 17: Never




AJ walked into Anna’s room to find her still asleep. He walked over to her bedside and sat vigil over her. He felt like he was protecting her from all of the bad things that were happening to her. So, even if she didn’t know it, he would always be there for her. He promised her sleeping form that he would never leave her. No matter what he’s done in the past, she’s always been there to pick him back up after he’s fallen. Now, it was his turn to repay her of all those times when she was his angel in disguise.


He sat thinking about the way they had met.


FLASHBACK


AJ walked into the conference room late as usual. It looked as though all of the other band members were there already. AJ quickly took the empty seat across from the only person he knew there. Howie. Next to Howie there was a blonde that looked like, yes it must be, he thought. It was Nick. Him and Howie had met up with Nick at auditions. Glad to know that he’ll be with us, AJ thought. To AJ’s right, there was another blonde that looked shorter than himself. AJ couldn’t remember ever seeing this man in his life. On AJ’s left, was Kevin. They had met one time before at auditions. AJ immediately took a liking to Kevin. Kevin seemed like the type of person that he could turn to. AJ then noticed a beautiful girl, about his age, sitting next to Kevin. She looked a lot like Kevin, so AJ figured that she must be related to him.


By the end of the meeting, AJ had learned the name of the man that sat next to him. Brian. He seemed like he would be fun to hang around with. Enough with the band members, AJ thought, on with the women. He looked around the room to find Kevin talking to the girl he was sitting next to before.


AJ sauntered up to them and said, “ Hey, Kevin. Are you going to introduce us or what?”


Kevin sighed and said, “ AJ, this is my sister, Anna. Ann, this is AJ one of the band members.”


AJ held out his hand and said, “ Nice to meet you.”


“ You too.” She said being shy.


“ Anna is about your age, AJ. I think you two would get along. She loves to talk, AJ. Watch out. I’m going to leave you two together so I can go talk to management.”
Kevin said before he walked away.


They walked over to the table and sat down.


AJ said, “ So, how old are you?”


“ 15. I’ll be 16 in a few months.”


“ Cool, me too. Umm. You want to go take a walk or something?”


“ Sure.” She said as she followed AJ out the back door and into the gardens that surrounded the building.


They talked all afternoon and they eventually became inseparable over the years. Kevin was right. They were alike. Sometimes, though, they were too alike.


END FLASHBACK




AJ was brought out of his trance by the sound of whimpering. He noticed that it was Anna and he was right by her side whispering words of comfort to her. She finally settled back down into a peaceful sleep.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


The next morning Anna and Kevin were released from the hospital. It was decided that AJ would stay at Kevin’s house to take care of both of them. AJ still didn’t feel comfortable around Anna yet. Kevin told him the same thing that Howie had told him. He was supposed to act normal around her and she would eventually come around. Anna still didn’t remember much. Basically what she remembered was from her past. She really didn’t have any memories of the last year of her life.


AJ’s room was across the hall from Kevin’s, and right next to Anna’s. Sometimes AJ would sneak into her room to watch her sleep. He would often think about what it was like before all hell broke loose. He often wondered what would have happened had it not been for the accident.


Sometimes, she’d say that she remembered things, but AJ knew that she really had no clue. It was almost as if she was protecting him. Protecting him from heartache. Sometimes he thought that she really did have feelings for Nick, and other times she was flirting with AJ. That was just her nature though.


The thing that really bothered him was the fact that they were so similar in character. It completely tore him up inside knowing that she would never be the same she was before. Nothing would be the same it used to be. She used to be wild and crazy just like him.


“ AJ, are you okay?” Kevin asked looked at him from over top of his book.


AJ focused on Kevin and said, “ Yeah, I guess.”


Kevin sighed, put his book down, and said, “ What’s the problem?”


AJ shrugged and said, “ Nothing much. I was just thinking about things and the way they used to be.”


Kevin furrowed his brow and said, “ The way it used to be?”


“ Kev, if you guys hadn’t gotten into the accident, do you think that we’d be together right now?”


“ I think that you guys would still be fighting.”


“ Not going out? Come on, Kev. The fight wasn’t that bad.” AJ said trying to convince himself.


“ All things happen for a reason.” Kevin said ignoring AJ’s last comment.


“ But, I’d rather be fighting with the real Anna, than walking around eggshells with this one.”


“ Who said you have to walk on eggshells around her? You’re supposed to be helping her get back to normal. Anna is the same person she was before, you do know that don’t you?”


“ She’s never going to be normal again. She’ll never be the way she used to be. I miss her, Kevin. I really do, but I’ve given up all hope that she’ll ever be back to her old self.”


“ Don’t you ever say that in this house again, AJ.” Kevin yelled getting really frustrated with AJ.


They heard crying by the door, and they both turned around to see what it was. Anna was standing there with tears streaming down her face. She had obviously heard their whole conversation. As soon as she saw the look her way, she turned around and ran as fast as she could up to her room.


Kevin turned to AJ and said, “ You have to go get her. I can’t run after her. You have to do it.”


AJ just looked back and forth between Kevin and the way that Anna had gone. He finally got the courage to go up to Anna’s room.

Chapter 18: Go To Hell




AJ stood outside of Anna’s room for what seemed like an eternity. He was trying to figure out what to say to her and how. All he knew was that it wasn’t going to be easy.
He knocked on the door and despite the protest he walked right in.


Anna turned around and looked at him as he walked in the door. “ I thought I told you to go away. Don’t you listen?”


He sat down on the bed next to her. “ I came to talk to you about what you overheard before.”


“ I don’t want to hear any of your bullshit.” She got up and started to walk away from him.


“ Don’t you walk away from me. I’m not done here.”


She turned and glared at him. “ Yeah, well I am. I have nothing else to say to you. I think we’re finished here.” She walked right out of the door and down into the living room.


AJ decided to follow her. “ Anna, wait.”


She whirled around and pointed her finger at him. “ I will not wait for you to tell me that you’re sorry. What you said down here was hurtful, and it was intended to be that way.”


“ Yeah, well at least I was telling the truth.” AJ muttered under his breath.


Her eyes widened. “ What did you say?”


“ I said that at least I was telling the truth.” He folded his arms against his chest and waited for her wrath to come.


She was so pissed at him. “ Well, Mr. McLean. I suggest that you just go to hell.” She tried to yell it, but it came out in more of a whisper.


She grabbed the phone behind Kevin and dialed Nick’s number. “ Hello, Nick? Can you come and pick me up? I really need to get out of this house. See you in ten.”


“ Why are you going out with Nick?”


“ At least he cares about me.” She retorted as she walked out of the door to wait for Nick to pick her up. “ Kev, I’ll be back sometime. I don’t know when.” She was out the door.


AJ sank down in the nearest chair and put his head in his hands. Despite Kevin’s demands, AJ stayed silent and didn’t say a word of what was said up in her room.

Chapter 19: A Brotherly Talk AJ got tired of listening to Kevin ask him what happened. “ Shut the hell up, would you? I’ve got a bad enough headache as it is. I don’t need you to fuel it.”

“ I will not shut up until you tell me what happened.”

“ Fine, you want me to tell you what happened? She hates me, Kevin.” AJ cried.

“ Awe, Aje. She doesn’t hate you.” Kevin’s tone softened when he heard the guilt in his voice.

“ She does too. She told me to go to hell.”

“ That doesn’t mean anything. You know what kind of a temper she has.”

“ She meant it Kevin. I saw it in her eyes. I know those eyes, Kev. I fell in love with those eyes. There’s no love in them for me.”

“ Yes there is. She just doesn’t know it. She’s confused. She thinks that she’s supposed to love you, but that’s only because I told her. I’d rather that she went out with you than Nick. You know as much as I do that Nick’s not good for her.”

“ Yeah, well, try telling her that. Even when she had her memory she still wouldn’t listen.” AJ looked up at Kevin for the first time since the argument.

“ Yeah, she does seem to want to get to know Nick a little better. Now, I fear, that its going to happen whether we like it or not.”

“ I just hate fighting with her. I really do. You’d think that after all those relationships that have turned sour so quickly on her that she’d listen to me. But, she won’t she’s just going to get hurt again.”

“ I know AJ. She doesn’t listen to me either.” Kevin looked down at the floor like he was to blame for everything.

“ Do you hate me?”

Kevin looked up in surprise. “ Why would I hate you?”

“ Because I told you that I had no hope left.”

Kevin’s face softened. “ I don’t hate you. I would probably feel the same way that you feel if I were you.”

“ You would?” it was AJ’s turn to be surprised.

“ Yeah. It’s hard watching someone who you’re suppose to be with not wanting anything to do with you. I’m assuming it must be hard knowing that she doesn’t remember what you two had.”

“ It’s very hard.” AJ looked down at the floor as he wiped away the tears that were forming in his eyes.

“ You two had everything going. If it wasn’t for me, you two would be happy together, or fighting. At least she would remember you.”

“ Kevin, the accident was not your fault. You did not make this happen to her. The truck driver did this to you guys. To us. It’ll never be your fault, and shame on anyone who says that you were to blame is wrong. You love that girl, and I know for a fact that you would die for that girl.”

“ I know, but I just feel guilty.”

“ Why? Because her side was hit, and not yours? You can’t control that. That part is in God’s hands. Not yours. All we can do is make it better.”

“ But how, AJ? I can’t handle her anymore. I think I’m losing hope.”

“ Kevin, you can’t lose hope on me now. I’m allowed to lose hope, but you’re suppose to be the strong one.”

“ Yeah, well, it’s hard to be strong when your own sister doesn’t remember he best friend, or her parents. I have to tell her what they were like. She doesn’t remember them. That’s the part that kills me the most. The only way she’ll ever remember them is if I tell her about them. It’s all up to me to keep their spirits alive.”

“ That’s why you can’t give up on her. If you do, she’ll never know who her parents were. We can’t give up on her, Kev. If we do, she’ll never remember what each of us had. We had a strong bond with each other, and I’d like to think that someday I’ll be your brother. But, if we don’t tell her, she’ll never remember and you may end up having nick for a brother. Can you imagine what their kids are going to look like? They’d be dumb blondes with bushy eyebrows. Whereas my kids with her will be beautiful. They have dark hair and dark eyes. They’ll have her smile and my sense of music.”

“ Okay, Aje. I get your point. Let’s not get too carried away. I don’t want either one of you to get her pregnant. Then, I would just have to kill you.”

“ Okay. So, I won’t go that far into the future. But, now’s our time to save her. If we don’t I don’t know what will happen. We have to keep hope. We can’t give up now.”

Kevin laughed. “ Wasn’t this the conversation that we were having before she stamped upstairs? Wasn’t I just telling you not to give up hope? Has AJ McLean actually listened to something I said?”

“ You know, even though you’re an invalid, I think there are more bones that I can break. Just watch it.”

“ Remember the hospital. Watch YOUR back. One false move and I’ll get you so good, you’ll never get your revenge.”

“ Yeah, okay, Kev. Do you want me to order a pizza and invite the guys over?”

“ Sure Aje. Whatever you want to do. I just want Anna to come home in one piece.”

“ I think we all do.”

Chapter 20: Love or is it? Outside Anna sat on the steps waiting for Nick. She had no idea what she was doing, but it felt right at the time. It felt so good to bitch out AJ and to make him hurt as much as she did inside. She didn’t realize she started crying as she thought about what she had, and what she didn’t have. She didn’t have any parents. That was the hardest thing for her to get over. The fact that she couldn’t remember the memories she had of when her parents were alive. God, why did you do this to me? She cried. She just sat there and cried out the anguish. Everything was overwhelming her.

She needed to get away. She needed to forget everything that happened to her, and let loose. That’s why she called Nick.

As if on cue, he came around the bend in his green SUV. She got up and got into the car as he slowed down.

“What happened, Ann?” He asked as he looked over worridly at her.

“ Just drive someplace. I don’t care where, just get me away from this place.” She just looked straight out the windshield and ignored Nick’s questions.

“But, Ann, where am I suppose to go?”

“ I don’t give a flying fuck just get me the hell out here, please.” She finally met his eyes, and he could see the tears that threatened to spill out of her green eyes.

“ Okay. We’ll go to my house. Then, we can chill or go walking, and you can tell me what happened.” He looked over at her and she gave him a warning look, “or you don’t have to tell me anything.”

~*~*~45 Minutes later~*~*~

They walked into Nick’s house and she went right over to the couch. She hadn’t said anything more to him the whole way over. She just sat there and stared out the window. Nick was now very worried about her, and he kept wondering what had went on back at her house to make her like this.

He walked over to the couch and sat down next to her. He put his hand over hers and just sat there waiting for her to say something.

When it became clear that she wasn’t going to say anything, he coxed, “ What’s wrong Ann? What happened?”

“ What happened at Howie’s house right before the accident?” she asked out of the blue.

He sighed and said, “ we were playing in the pool, and you left suddenly for some reason. So, I decided to follow you. You were up in your room when I found you. You were staring out the window. I came over to you and I kissed you. I also said I love you. And right before AJ came in, you said you loved me too.”

He fell silent and just looked at her. He had lied to her, he knew it. He wasn’t even thinking when he said it, but now it was too late to say anything. If anything, her reaction was the total opposite of what he just told her. He couldn’t help it. He was tired of letting her make her own decisions and making the wrong ones. She would never see that AJ was all wrong for her. He needed her, wanted her, right now.

“ Anna, I….” He was cut off by Anna kissing him.

She kissed him with such an intensity that he didn’t know she was capable of. He pulled back just a little bit and she said, “ Nick, make love to me.” He did. He knew that she was doing this because she thought she loved him before all this happened to her. She trusted him, and she wanted him.

He carried her into his room and shut the door with his foot. He was planning on taking advantage of her confusion from now on. He could get used to it.