CHAPTER 1

‘Happiness is a journey, not a destination.’


Katie Smith walked down a crowded street going to yet another audition. She just had to find an opportunity somewhere. People always told her how much talent she had. Well, if she had so much talent, then why couldn’t she find a job?


She walked into yet another dance studio to audition for some artist’s upcoming tour. She signed in and sat down to wait for her turn. She looked at everyone else that was there. The women were all very beautiful and Katie felt like she had no chance against them.


‘ Katie Smith?’ asked a woman coming out of the audition rooms.


‘That’s me.’ Said Katie.


She smiled warmly and said, ‘ Okay, then. Follow me.’


Katie followed the woman into the room. Katie thought the room would be empty, but it wasn’t. There were five guys in the room sitting in chairs talking about her portfolio.


The lady said, ‘ Okay, Katie, These are the Backstreet Boys. Nick, Kevin, Brian, Howie, and A.J’


‘ Nice to meet you.’ Said Katie.


There were pictures of her spread out on the table and she grew very self-conscious.


Kevin noticed her looking at the pictures and said, ‘ We were just looking through your portfolio. It is nice. Would you mind if we asked you a couple of questions?’


‘ No, that would be fine, I guess.’ Said Katie as she took the seat that was offered to her.


‘ Okay, How many years have you been dancing?’ asked Kevin.


‘ Oh, wow. Um… ever since I can remember. I guess it has been about 18 years. To tell you the truth, I can’t remember when I started. I can remember dancing when I was three.’


‘ Wow. So you are a pro at this.’ Said Nick in amazement.


‘ Yeah, I guess you could say that. I don’t think about it that way. I just do what I love to do. I love to dance.’


‘ How would you feel about being on tour for eight months on end?’ asked Howie.


‘ Um, I don’t think I would have a problem with that. I wouldn’t experience homesickness or anything like that.’


‘ Why, may I ask?’ asked Brian.


‘ It gets kind of complicated. My family and I don’t quite get along. They disowned me when I decided to pursue dancing as a career.’


‘ Oh, I’m sorry.’ Said Brian.


‘ No problem. I’m rather fine with it, actually.’


‘ Okay, it’s time for the next part of the audition. Would you like to dance for us?’ asked Kevin.


‘ Sure, just let me get ready.’ She said as she got up and got her bag.


‘ What do you want me to dance to?’ she asked them.


‘ It doesn’t matter. Whatever you feel most comfortable with. It’s fine by us.’ Said Kevin.


She got out a contemporary mix and took off her clothes to reveal her dancing outfit. It also showed off her figure nicely. She put the tape in and danced her heart out. She forgot the guys were even there. She danced her heart out knowing that this was her golden opportunity. She got done and slowly looked at the guys to see their reactions.


‘ Wow, that was.. you were… I mean…’ said Nick.


Brain cut him off and said, ‘ What he really meant to say was you were absolutely fantastic. You were beautiful.’


‘ I totally agree with them. By the way, do you work out?’ said A.J.


‘ Don’t mind him. You were excellent. Give us a moment to decide on an answer, please.’ Said Kevin smiling.


By now, Katie was blushing. She had never been complimented like that before. She stepped over to the side of the room and started to dance freely. There was always a time to impress them even more.


‘ Kev, how can you even have to think about it. She’s perfect, man. Not to mention that she’s one fine lady.’ Said A.J. his eyes never leaving her.


‘ I like her too. She’s definitely a keeper.’ Said Howie.


‘ What about her family situation, though. She would need some kind of support on tour’ Said Brian.


‘ Let her worry about that. All we’re looking at is her dancing. What about you Nick?’ said Kevin.


‘ I love her. I say we at least have her paired up with each of us to see if she dances well with a partner. We could do that tomorrow.’ Said Nick.


‘ Wow, Nicky actually has a good idea. Let’s do that.’ Said Kevin.


‘ Miss Smith, we have reached a decision’ Said Brian.


Katie walked over to them and asked, ‘ What did you decide?’


‘ I have one thing to tell you. A.J. why don’t you tell her.’ Said Kevin.


‘Not me. Howie, you do it.’ Said A.J.


‘ I’m not gonna do it. Nick, you do it.’ Said Howie.


‘ I don’t think so man. Brian you do it’ Said Nick.


Brian said, ‘ Fine, I’ll do it. Katie we have decided…’

CHAPTER 2

‘Work like you don’t need the money, love like you’ve never lost, and dance like you do when nobody’s watching.’



‘ Well, Katie, I can’t say this on the record yet, but you got the job.’ Said a smiling Brian.


‘Holy, shit. I got it!’ she screamed. She composed herself, and then said, ‘ Oh, sorry, thank you so much. It has been a pleasure meeting with you guys. When do you want me to start?’


‘ In two days we’ll have you come down to the studio and we’ll have Fatima work with you from there.’ Said Kevin.


‘ Thank you so much guys. You have no idea how much this means to me.’ Said Katie.


‘ Don’t worry about it. We needed a dancer, and you were perfect for the job.’ Said Brian.


‘ Hey, Katie. Nick and I were going out tonight and we were wondering if you’d like to come.’ Said A.J.


‘ Um. I’ll be intruding.’ Said Katie.


‘ No you won’t it’ll be fun.’ Said Nick coming up behind the two of them.


‘ Yeah, come on. We’re going clubbing and we both need a dance partner.’ Said A.J.


‘ Well, I can’t beat that. I’m in. what time will you guys pick me up?’ asked Katie.


‘ How about 8? Sound good?’ asked A.J.


‘ 8 is fine. It was a pleasure meeting you.’ Said Katie.


‘ No, the pleasure was all mine.’ Said A.J. as he took her hand and kissed it.


‘See you in two days, Katie. The secretary will give you all of the information.’ Said Kevin.


‘ It was a pleasure meeting you all. Bye.’ Said Katie.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


‘ So, what do you guys think of her?’ asked Kevin.


“’She’s hot man. She’s got curves in all the right places, but not too much. It’s just enough.’ Said A.J.


‘ Stop your drooling A.J. we all know you like her.’ Said Howie.


‘Yeah, but Howie, what’s not to like? She’s got everything.’ Said Nick.


‘Alright you guys, let’s go. We still have more people to interview and more spots to fill before we fly back down to Orlando for practices with the new dancers.’ Said Kevin.


They all got settled back down and proceeded on interviewing many more dancers. A.J. and Nick were both thinking the same thing, though: She’s mine. All mine.





Katie was walking back to her apartment in the rain. She didn’t mind though. She was floating on air. It had just hit her that she had just gotten a job with the Backstreet Boys. She couldn’t wait until she met them again.


She got to her apartment just before it started to hail. She picked up her mail and went to make some dinner. She hadn’t looked in the manila envelope the secretary had given her. She had been too excited. She sat down at the kitchen table with her dinner and started going through the envelope.


She found a one-way ticket down to Orlando. There was no note attached to it and she decided to ask A.J. about it later. There was a packet on the tour dates and tour destinations. There was a whole bunch of stuff on her expectations. It didn’t say anywhere in it that you couldn’t date a Backstreet Boy.

CHAPTER 3

Treat each day like it’s your last, because some day it will be, and you’ll be left wondering where it all went.





Katie finished looking through the folder and decided to get ready for her night out. It would be her first in a long time. She looked in her closet for something to wear, but came up empty handed. She finally found what she was looking for. She had on a black skirt and a shimmery pink dress that had an open back. The only thing that was holding it on was a strap around her neck and one around the middle of her back. (Like in Save the Last Dance).


She looked in the mirror and wondered how everyone thought she was beautiful. All she saw was a 21-year-old dancer staring back at her. She never worked out because dancing was her workout. She had a small studio in her apartment, so she danced often. She looked at her features more closely. She saw her lithe body, long legs, curly brown hair that had blonde highlights. She also saw crystal blue eyes that were twinkling warmly at her. She had straight teeth due to braces when she was in school. She saw ambition, hope, and fear all at once. She found a girl that any man would die for.


She decided before she left that she was going to make the best out of what life gave her. Life didn’t give her much, but just enough to get by. She saw a lot of potential for a wonderful life. She was going to take everything head-on. Once she went out tonight, there would be no turning back. She wasn’t afraid anymore knowing that she had five great guys to help her along the way.


With that decided, she touched up on her make-up and waited for the guys to show up. She was engrossed in her book when the doorbell rang. She got up and opened the door. There stood two of the cutest guys she had met. A.J. had a white rose, and Nick had a red one.


She said, “ wow. I didn’t think that I deserved all this. I guess I was wrong.”


‘ Very wrong. You deserve all this and more.’ Said A.J.


‘ Very nice sweet talking there Alex, if I may call you Alex.’ Said Katie.


‘ I’ll allow it, but just because it’s you. Don’t think everyone calls me that.’ Said A.J.


‘ I’ll consider myself lucky.’ Said Katie.


‘You should. Now come on. I think it’s about time we hit the town. What do you think, Nick?’ asked A.J.


‘ I think it’s a great idea.’ Said Nick.


They took off in A.J.’s Expedition towards one of the hottest clubs in town.

CHAPTER 4


To dream of the person you would like to be is a waste of the person you are.






They arrived at the club before it got crowded. They got in without a problem because they were the Backstreet Boys. They could do whatever they wanted. They got a table in the back and A.J. offered to get the drinks.


“Katie, what would you like?”


“ Um, I’ll just have a water.” Said Katie.


“ You sure?” asked Nick.


“ Yeah, I’m sure.” Said Katie nodding her head.


Nick looked at her apprehensively and said, “ Okay. Aje, I’ll have a scotch on the rocks.”


“ Okay, I’ll be right back.” A.J. said before taking off.




“ So, Katie why don’t you drink?”


“ It’s a really long story.”


He spread out his arms and said, “ Does it look like I’m going anywhere?”


“ Can we wait until A.J. gets back?”


He smiled and said, “ Sure.”




A.J. came back with the drinks in tow. As he handed them out, Nick started to get anxious.


A.J. noticed and said, “ what’s gotten into you Carter?”


“ Oh, nothing. I’m just waiting.”


“Waiting for what? Some hot chick to come and sweep you off your feet?” asked A.J. with a grin.


Katie burst out laughing and said, “ No, he’s waiting for me to tell him why I don’t drink. I don’t know why he’s so anxious. It’s nothing important.”


“ Well, hey. Share the news.” Said A.J. getting comfortable for the explanation.


She looked around nervously and said, “ Well, here goes nothing. I don’t drink because…because it tore my family apart. My father was an alcoholic and…and he abused me. Verbal and physical abuse. It tore my family apart, so I swore that I would never end up like my father. He died when I was 13. He was drunk and got into a car accident. He also killed another person. I never forgave him for what he did.”


“ I’m sorry Katie.” Said A.J.


“ Yeah we had no idea.” Said Nick.


“ No one did. Not even my mother. I told her many times that he abused me, but she never listened. She was just ignorant to the fact that her daughter was being beaten by the man she loved. She fixed it by working in the city more often, and eventually she never came home. She ran off to California with a guy she was having an affair with.”


“ So what happened to you?” asked Nick.


“ My older brother took care of me until he died.”


“ How’d he die? If you don’t mind me asking.” Asked A.J.


“ He was in a car accident. A drunk driver killed him. From what I have witnessed, alcohol only kills. It tears families apart. It kills innocent victims.” Said Katie.



“ I didn’t think that kind of shit happened.” Said A.J.


“ It happens all the time, Alex. It happens all the time.” She said. She couldn’t look into either one of their eyes. She thought that now that they know the truth, they couldn’t be interested in her.


“ Well, how did you keep up with your dancing? And how did you end up in New York?” Asked Nick.


“ Dancing was my only escape. When I danced, I forgot about my doomed family, or lack there of. I moved to New York to pursue my dreams. I wanted to dance. I wanted to make my brother proud. He always knew that I would succeed. So, after he died, I came here to look for an audition. And here I am now.”


“ How long have you been here?” asked Nick.


“ I have been here for six months.” Said Katie.


“ Wow, that’s it? When did your brother die?” asked A.J.


“ Seven moths ago.” Said Katie.


“ You’ve had a tough life, Katie. I’m surprised your still here right now.” Said Nick.


“ Yeah, I’m very surprised my dad didn’t kill me a long time ago.”


“ You don’t blame yourself for what happened, do you?” asked A.J.


“ Why do you ask?”


“ Because I blamed myself after my dad left. I mean I didn’t when I was younger, because I didn’t know what was going on. But, when I got older, especially in my later teens, I blamed myself. That’s why I asked. Because I know how you feel.” Said A.J.


“ Like maybe there was something you could do to change what happened?” said Katie.


“ Yeah. I finally learned that I couldn’t change the past. I can only change the future.” Said A.J.


“ Um, I hate to interrupt, but I’m gonna go find someone to dance with. I can’t relate to any of this, so you guys just talk. I understand. It’s a personal thing. You can’t relate unless you’ve been there. So I’m gonna see you later.” Said Nick as he walked away.


“ Don’t you wish you could have changed the past?” asked Katie.


“ I wanted to so many times, but I don’t want to now. I wouldn’t be where I am today if I had a different past. How about you?”


“ Sometimes I find that I still do. If I could change the past, my brother would still be here with me. I would have a family again.”


“ I hear what you’re saying, but I think today you just found five new brothers, or one at least. I’ll be here for you, Katie.”


“ That’s so sweet Alex. Thank you so much. You have no idea what this means to me.”


She got up and hugged him until someone knocked them over. Katie looked to see who it was and she knew she had to find out who it was. There was something about him that was intriguing.


A.J. helped her up and Katie said, “ I’m gonna go over there. Didn’t you come to look for some women?”


“ Oh, yeah. I did. See ya around.” Said A.J. as he walked off into the growing crowd.


Katie shook her head and laughed. Then, she remembered why she told A.J. to leave. She walked over to the bar and sat down next to the guy that ran into her.


She held out her hand and said, “ Hi, my name is Katie.”


He looked up at her and said, “ Hello, I’m Josh. Do you want a drink?”


“ No thanks. I don’t drink.”


“ Why not?”


“ It’s a rather long story.”


“ I see. You don’t want to get into it with me.”


“ No, it’s just, I’ll tell you later.”


“ Wow. We just met and now there’s a later. I’m starting to like you.”


“ Do you wanna dance?”


“ Sure, why not.”



They made their way out onto the dance floor and started to dance. Their dancing soon turned into grinding and they were both having fun. They soon had to take a break from all of the dancing. They sat down at the bar and caught their breath.


He asked, “ Where did you learn to dance like that? You were awesome.”


“ I’ve been dancing for 18 years. I dance professionally.”


“ I’m impressed.”


“ Thank you.”


“ Now, why don’t you drink?”


“ I’ll give you the shortened story. My dad was a drunk. He died in an accident killing another person. My mom ran away to California to get away from my dad. I lived with my brother until he died seven months ago. A drunk driver killed him. In short, I don’t drink because alcohol tears families apart.”


“ Wow. I didn’t know that kind of stuff really happened.”


“ No one seems to know.”


“ I’m sorry.”


“ Yeah, thanks.”


“ I don’t know what else to say.”


“ Well, don’t say anything.” She said as she leaned in to kiss him.


The kiss ended and he said, “ You want to come back to my place?”


“ No, but I would like your number.”


“ Sure.” He said as he took out a piece of paper and wrote down his name, address, and phone number.


“ I’ve had a lot of fun tonight, Josh. I’m just not that type of person. I have morals.”


“ I understand. It was worth a shot. I would love to get to know you better.”


“ I would too. I’ll be in Orlando for a little while, but why don’t you call me on my cell. We’ll talk sometime. Maybe I’ll tell you the whole story. It’s quite a dandy.”


“ I would love to hear it, if you wouldn’t mind telling me.”


“ Sure. Maybe some time.” She leaned down and kissed him. She said, “ a little something for the road.”


She walked off toward the table where A.J. and Nick were looking her way in awe. As soon as she sat down, she got an earful.


“ I’m hurt. You come with us and you hit on another guy.” Said Nick.


“ What can I say. You Backstreet Guys just don’t cut it.”


“ Ooh, she’s gonna get it.” Said Nick.


“ No, just wait. Remember she still hasn’t gotten that job.” Said A.J.


“ Come here Mr. Mclean. I’ll give you a little taste of my world.” She said.


“ I’ll be back Carter.” Said A.J.


“ Hey, what about me?” Nick whined.


“ Don’t worry, Carter. Yours is coming.” Said Katie as she walked off with A.J.



They were dancing on the dance floor as glitter rained down on them. Katie started grinding with A.J. and he couldn’t take it anymore. He leaned down and kissed her. They stopped dancing as she snaked her arms around his neck. They parted leaving Katie breathless.


“ That was unexpected.” Said Katie.


“ Yeah, it sure was. What do you say you come back to my house later.” Said A.J.


“ And do what?”


“ We could think of a few things.”


“ Oh I know you could.”


“ Hell yeah I could. It would involve a lot of this.”


“ A lot of what?”


“ This.” As he leaned down to kiss her again.


They parted and she said, “ take a number and get in line.” She walked away from him laughing.


“ Awe. Come on. You’re so not fair. Don’t get me turned on and then walk away. That’s just not fair.”


“ It’s a hell of a lot of fun, though.” She reached the table and said to Nick, “ It’s your turn now. I hope you’re ready for some fun, Carter.”


“ Hell, yeah. Bring it on.” Said Nick as he followed her.


They danced for awhile and she was having so much fun playing with their heads. They had no clue that she was just playing around with them. She didn’t have any intentions on going home with anyone tonight. They didn’t have to know that, though.


She looked up into Nick’s eyes and leaned in to kiss him. They were so close they could touch their noses. She suddenly pulled away and walked away laughing.


“ Katie, what’d you do that for?”


“ No reason. I’m just playing. Do you really want me to kiss you?”


“ Oh yeah.”


“ I suggest you take a number and get in line.” She said as she walked back to the table.


A.J. was flirting with some chic and Katie decided to do something about it. She slid into the booth next to A.J.


She slid her arm around him and put her other hand on his upper thigh. She said to A.J., “ Who’s this? I thought you’d wanna go home now. After all you offered.”


A.J. looked at her and then looked up at the girl standing next to him. He then looked back to Katie and gave her a ‘ what the hell are you doing’ look. She took that as an invitation and kissed him. She started roaming her hands up and down his body as the chic stood by and watched.


Katie pulled away and said to the girl, “ I believe he’s taken. He won’t need your services after all. He’ll give you a call when he needs you. Bye, now.”


A.J. looked like his favorite toy was taken away. He watched the girl walk away until he couldn’t see her anymore. He turned his attention to the two people who were laughing their heads off right next to him.


He looked at Katie and said, “ What did you do that for?”


“ You offered to take me home. I was accepting. Although, I don’t think you want to take me home anymore. I’m hurt.”


“ I wanted to take you home, but you declined.”


“ You bet your ass I declined. I know how you are Mclean. You are a lady’s man. Now, here’s my kind of man.” She said as she snaked her arms around Nick’s neck.


She straddled him and said, “ You want that kiss now?”


“ Hell, yeah.”


“What’s your number?”


“ I don’t have one.”


She leaned really close to him and said, “ I told you to get in line.”


“I did.”


“ Wrong line. That line was the hooker line. Not my line. Sorry.”


“ But…”


“ Nope. You screwed yourself over. Not my fault.” She got off of him and sat down in between the two guys.


Katie had A.J. laughing so hard he was crying. She said, “ What’s the matter?”


“ You’re funny as hell. You play us so bad. You lead us on and then you back off. You better get running girl.” Said A.J. as he looked at Nick.


She looked at the two guys and saw that they were closing in on her. She climbed under the table and ran out the door with them right on her heels. She reached the car and stopped to catch her breath. She turned around only to find Nick and A.J. closing in on her again. She didn’t know what to do.


She said, “ Okay, guys. This isn’t funny anymore.”


They thought she was playing around and continued their advance on her.


“ I mean it. You’re scaring me.” Panic evident in her voice.


A.J. stopped and said, “ Whoa, don’t freak out on us, here. We were just kidding.”


She looked at them and said, “ Don’t do that again. My dad use to do that. That slow creapy crawly stuff. You scared the shit out of me.”


“ Katie, we would never hurt you.” Said Nick.


“ Come here. We didn’t mean anything by it, honest.” A.J. said holding out his arms.


“ I know, but I got these awful flashbacks. It just scared me.” She said into his neck.


He rubbed her back and calmed her down. Nick put his hand on her shoulder and said, “ You are safe with us. We would never let anything happen to you.”


She looked at both of them, smiled, and said, “ Correction, Aje. I have two brothers.”


A.J. smiled and hugged her again. He said, “ Come on. Let’s go home.”


They got into his car and he took Katie to her apartment and told her he’d call the next day. Nick was going to call too. She got into her apartment and leaned her head against the door.


“What am I doing. I’m playing with fire. I’ve got to stop before I get hurt… Or I fall in love.”

CHAPTER 5

When it hurts to look back, and you’re scared to look ahead, you can look beside you and your best friend will be there.






A.J. called Katie the next afternoon to see how she was doing. The phone rang four times before Katie picked it up.


“ Hello?” asked Katie.


“ Hey. Where were you?” asked A.J.


“ I was deciding whether or not to pick up the phone.”


“ Why?”


“ I don’t know.”


“ What’s wrong?”


“ Nothing is wrong. What makes you think something’s wrong?”


“ By the sound of your voice.”


“Oh.” She sighed heavily, “ Do you want to come over?”


“ If you want me to.”


“ That would be great.”


“ Okay. I’ll be there in like five minutes. Is that soon enough?”


“ That’ll be fine A.J. oh, A.J.?”


“ Yeah?”


“ Thank you so much.”


“ No problem.”




Just as she sat down, there was knock on the door. She opened it to find A.J. standing there with a pair of baggy jeans and a wife beater on. He had a pink rose in his hand.


She looked at him and said, “ is that for me?”


“ Yes.”


“ What for?”


“ To cheer you up.”


“ That’s so sweet. All I need is for you to be here to make me happy.”


“ Oh really?” he said raising an eyebrow.


“ Yeah. Come in.”


She let him in and he looked around her apartment. It was light and airy. There was a lot of room for an apartment. He followed his gaze to a pair of French doors with dark purple curtains on it. He went over to them and opened the doors. There was a Queen bed in the middle of the room surrounded by windows. Her bed had a canopy on it that had dark purple and dark blue material hanging around it. It was very elegant.


Katie came up behind him and said, “ I see you’ve found my room.”


“ Oh yes. It’s beautiful.”


“ Thank you. I decorated it myself. You want me to show you around some more?”


“ Sure.” He followed her not wanting to take his eyes away from her room. She took him into the middle of the apartment. It was the living room. There was a big carpet set down on top of her wood floors. She had a lot of windows in here too. Next, was her kitchen. It was big and once again, bright and airy. Down the hallway, was a set of closed French doors. He walked in and was amazed.


She said, “ And this is my studio. This is where I spend most of my time. I can dance forever in here.”


He looked around the room. One wall had floor to ceiling mirrors. She had a big stereo sound system. He turned back to her and noticed the look of pride in her eyes.


He said, “ your apartment is beautiful.”


She smiled and said, “ I’m glad you like it. Do you want a drink?”


“ Sure.”


He followed her out into the kitchen. He sat down on a barstool while she got him a Coke. She immediately busied herself with washing the counter off. She knew the questions would come sooner or later. She just hoped it would be later.


“ Katie what’s wrong?” A.J. asked with concern evident in his eyes.


“ Nothing is wrong.”


“Then why did you want me to come over?”


“ To visit?”


“ Yeah, I’m sure.” He said with sarcasm in his voice.


She turned to him and said, “ Look, you were the one who ASSUMED there was something wrong.”


“ Yeah, because there is something wrong.”


She chose to ignore him and they fell into an uncomfortable silence.


He sighed and said, “ You know what I don’t get?”


“What?”


“ I don’t get why you have your guard up all of the time. You never let anyone know how you feel.” He paused and looked at her. She stayed silent so he continued, “ I mean, we’re all alone now, no one else is going to hear what you tell me. It’s just us.”


“ I know, but…”


“ But what? Are you afraid of me? Is that why you won’t confide in me? If so, there is nothing to be afraid of. All I want to do is help you. I know what you are going through.”


“ You don’t know shit about what I’m going through.” She yelled at him as she stormed away into the living room.


He followed her to where she now stood. He slowly walked up behind her and said, “ Okay, so maybe I can’t relate to everything you have experienced.’


“ You’re right there.” She turned around and said, “ What makes you think you can help me? Maybe I’m a lost soul.” She took a shaky breath and continued, “ Maybe there is no hope left for me.”


He took a step toward her and said, “ There is always help. You just have to look in the right places.”


“ I’ve tried talking to people. It just seems that no one is listening.”


“ I’m listening.”


“ You don’t count.”


“ Why?”


“ Because...because… you win.” She said putting her hands up in the air.


He smiled and looked at her. He said, “ So what seems to be the problem?”


She laughed and said, “I have no problems.”


“ The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem.” Said A.J. pretending to be a counselor.


She just laughed and started to walk away. He said, “ It’s about your brother, isn’t it?”


She stopped dead in her tracks. He said, “ Look at me.”


She turned around, but she still didn’t look at him. He walked towards her until he could hug her if he wanted to. He lifted her head up gently with his fingers until she was at his eye level. She just stared at him. She reached up and gently took off his sunglasses and placed them on the coffee table. He looked surprised and then he regained his composure.


He led her to the couch and she said, “ I don’t want to sit here and pretend that nothing is wrong. If I did, I would be lying to you and myself. I’m just used to dealing with things on my own. No one was interested in helping me. They all thought that their problems were worse. No one seemed to have any time to listen to the ‘poor girl.’ No one acknowledged me in this city. When I went looking for a job, you guys were the first ones who even gave me a chance. As soon as they heard that my dad was drunk and I was beaten, they thought that I would turn out like that. A good for nothing piece of crap. You know what? I think I have. I’m no good to anyone.”


“ Hey, now. I care about you. I went home last night to find a message from Kevin. He wanted to know how you were doing. He said you were wonderful and that he had talked to Fatima and she loves you already. He told me to welcome you into the Backstreet family. Now, I think that your scared out of your mind and you don’t know what to expect. Am I right?”


“ Yeah.”


“ I think you’re also afraid to let down your guard to let people get to know the real you. You think they’ll hurt you if they find out the real you. I know what you’re going through. I’ve been through it myself. And Nick, he just got out of an abusive relationship. He knows what you’re going through too. So, I guess what I’m trying to say is, don’t stereotype people. Sometimes they’re not what they seem. Just trust me on this. All you have to do is trust me and I swear that I’ll get you through this. Now I know that you’re used to getting through things on your own. I think that this time you’ve bitten off more than you can chew.”


“ I guess you’re right. I mean everything you said makes sense. I just don’t know if I can do it. I’m afraid that I’ll let you guys down. I don’t want to take you down with me.”


“ You won’t. I promise.” A.J. said.


Just then, the phone rang. Katie answered, “ Hello.” There was a pause and she answered,


“ Oh, hey Josh. How are you doing?”


A.J. suddenly became interested and listened to her side of the conversation.


“ Um...I leave for Florida tomorrow morning, and I have a friend with me now, so I can’t go out tonight. How about I call you when I get home and we can set something up.”


“ Fine. I’ll call you in Florida.”


“ Yes, josh. I’ll miss you too. Bye.”




A.J. asked her, “ What was that all about?”


“ Oh, he was the guy I met last night. He wanted to take me out on a date.”


“ Oh.” He said sounding defeated.


“ Hey, that doesn’t mean I’ll go out with him. I’m not sure if I’m ready to get into a serious relationship yet. But when I know, you’ll be the first to know.”


“ Alright. It’s a deal. Now, back to your brother. What was his name?” he asked trying to remember.


“ His name was Chris. He looked a lot like me, but more muscular. He played every sport imaginable. He was four years older than me. Now that I think about it, he was one of the few people I trusted. He took care of me since I was 14. After our parents were gone, we sold the house and moved into an apartment. It was just the right size for us. He taught me how to cook. He was the one who first taught me how to dance. When I needed a dancing partner, he was always there. He built my first dancing studio.” She stopped to wipe the tears from her eyes, and continued, “ He was so kind. He loved to volunteer at animal shelters. When he died, he was on spring break. He would have graduated a month after he died. That was when I left town. On his graduation day. I couldn’t stand being in that town anymore. Everything reminded me of him, so I did the only thing I could. I left. The only thing I brought with me that reminded me of him were a bunch of pictures and home videos. I also brought some of his belongings with me.” She stopped again.


She finally said, “ I miss him so much, A.J. I miss having big brother Chris around the house. I miss everything that we used to do. I miss his voice, his laugh, and his smile. God, his smile. I don’t know what I’m going to do without him. He’ll never get to see me grow up. He always used to joke about how he was going to walk me down the aisle in jeans and a sweatshirt. He never liked to dress up. I told him as long as he would walk me down the aisle, I didn’t care what he wore. God, I miss him.” she couldn’t hold her emotions back any longer. She broke down in front of A.J. A.J. just hugged her until she stopped shaking.


He said, “ Honey, you have to calm down. I don’t want you to hyperventilate on me. Just take a deep breath.”


She took a deep breath, looked at him and said, “ I am so sorry. I didn’t mean it to come out. I just couldn’t take it anymore.”


“ It’s no problem. Sometimes you just need to cry in order to heal. It’s your own way of grieving and healing. Now, let’s order a pizza and talk some more.”


“ I don’t know, Aje. You have a habit of making me depressed.” She said.


“ I’ll try not to. I’m just trying to understand.”


“ I know you are, and I love you for it.” Said Katie.


“ Hey, I got an Idea. How about we have Nick come over. He could pick up the pizza for us.”


“ In that case, you’ll have to order two pizzas, especially if he is picking them up. We’ll be lucky if he comes back with one pizza.”


A.J. laughed and said, “ I’ll have to do that, and I’ll tell Nicky not to eat any before he gets here.”


“ Okay, but you call him. I’m not going to be the one who tells him he can’t eat the pizza.” She said laughing.


He threw a pillow at her and got up to call Nick and the pizza place.

CHAPTER 6


Try not to frown too much… you never know when someone might be falling in love with your smile.




AJ and Katie sat on the couch talking until the doorbell rang. Katie opened the door to find Nick standing there with 3 pizzas.


She said, “ Oh, thanks. You brought the pizzas.” She took the pizza out of his hand and walked towards the living room leaving Nick still standing in the doorway.


“ Nice to know I’m loved, Kate.” Said Nick as he came in shutting the door behind him. He walked into the living room and said to Katie, “ Nice place you got here.”


“ Thanks. Now, let’s eat. I’m starving.”


“ Me too. Nick grab a seat.” Said Katie.


They ate dinner in the kitchen and talked about all kinds of stuff.


“ Nick, thank god you came over. It was getting depressing there for awhile.” She said looking over at AJ.


“ Hey, it wasn’t my fault. You brought it up. I just sat there and listened.” Said AJ defending himself.


“ Guess what. Kev called me. He told me to tell you to tell Katie about Orlando. We do leave tomorrow.” Said Nick talking to AJ.


“ Oh, yeah. I forgot about that. Katie we’re going to Orlando tomorrow morning and you’re coming with us.” Said AJ.


“ nice of you people to let me know. When do we leave?”


“ Umm. 5:30. I think.” Said Nick.


“ So I have to get up early?” asked Katie.


“ If you’re gonna work for us, you’ll have to get used to getting up early.” Said AJ


“ Hey, I’ve been getting up early for 10 years and I’m still not used to it.” Whined Nick.


“ Don’t mind him. I’ll get you up I you want.” AJ said wiggling his eyebrows.


“ AJ, you are a perve. I can get up, but I don’t know how long I’ll be able to stay awake.” Said Katie.


“ Don’t worry. You’ll stay awake. Trust me.” Said AJ.


“ Okay. Anyway, how long are we staying for?” said Katie


“ About 3 days to begin with. Then, if you get the job, someone will come back with you to get your stuff. You’ll be moving down to Orlando with us. You’ll most likely stay at one of our houses until you find a place, or you might want to stay there. My place is free. No rent. The truth is, you’re not gonna be home long enough to benefit from an apartment.” Said AJ.


“ Okay. So, I get the job, I move in with you, then what do we do?” asked Katie.


“ Well, we have practices every day for three weeks usually. Then, we go on tour. It’s as simple as that.” Said AJ.


“ Oooh. I can’t wait. I hope I get the job.” She said getting really excited.


“ don’t worry. You have the job already. Kev likes you, Fatima likes. You got it all set.” Said Nick.


“ Thanks. I better start packing.” She said


“ oh. Hey, Nick. Why don’t you go pick up some boxes from Fed-Ex and bring them over. We could start packing things up for her. Or, we could do it when we come back from Florida. Just so we have the boxes. Katie, you can pack for three days, and then we can pack the rest we when get back.” Said AJ.


Nick left to get boxes and AJ followed Katie into her room. She started packing and she said, “ What are you doing?”


“ Trying out your bed?”


“ Sure.”


“ okay, fine. I’m watching you pack.”


“ Fine. You can hold the bag.” She said coming out of her closet with some clothes.


She went back into the closet and asked, “ Do I need a bathing suit?”


“ It would be a good idea. I have a pool and a hot tub.” Said AJ.


They continued packing until she was done. AJ went into her studio while she carried her suitcase to the front door. She then went into her studio to see what he was doing.


“ Man. This stuff is awesome.” Said AJ looking over the sound equipment.


“ It was a gift from my brother.” Said Katie watching him in amusement. He looked like a kid in a candy store.


“ You have to bring this stuff down to my house with you.” Said AJ


“who said I was moving in with you?” asked Katie


“ You did.”


“ oh, that’s right. I forgot. It must have slipped my mind.” She said in mock seriousness.


She was watching him for awhile and she got an idea. She went over to AJ and said, “ turn it on and turn on one of your CD’s. I want you to teach me some of your dance routines.”


“ oh no you’re not. I don’t dance to this stuff unless I have too.”


“ well, you have to. So, let’s go.”


He sighed and put in Everybody. He went over to her and started explaining what they did first. He started the song and they became engrossed with each other. AJ loved dancing with her. He thought she was excellent. Not to mention that fact that she was beautiful. The song ended and he stopped the CD.


She walked up to him and said, “ you are a great teacher.”


“ I should be. I’ve been doing this routine for 9 years.” He said.


“ no really. You were great.”


“Thank you. It helps to have a great dancer as you to teach.”


“was that a compliment? From the great, hot, sexy AJ Mclean?”


“ Yeah. It was.”


“ I’m gonna faint.” She said as she fell to the ground.


“I guess I’ll just have to revive you.” He said as he knelt down. He put a hand on the floor on either side of her head.


She whispered, “ bring it on.”


They kissed softly at first. Then, it grew more passionate.

CHAPTER 7


The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.




They were on the floor kissing when Katie broke the kiss. She looked up at him and said, “ wow.”


“ Yeah.”


She kissed him again, and said, “ You really are hot, and sexy.”


“ Don’t forget great.”


“ Oh, yeah. How could I forget.”


“ I won’t let you. Come here.” He leaned down to kiss her again. She accepted. Just then the door opened and Nick soon walked into the studio.


“ What are you guys doing in here?” asked Nick as he saw them getting up off the floor.


“ Umm. We were going over some routines for the show.” Said AJ.


“ Yeah, okay. You guys were making out. I don’t care.” Said Nick


“ Okay, we were making out.” Said AJ with a big smile on his face.


“ Fine by me.” Nick said.


“ Wait a second. You aren’t mad?” asked Katie


“ Why would I be mad?”


“ Because… Never mind.” Said Katie


“ Let’s dance.” Said AJ.


They danced for the rest of the night, until 10 o’clock. They worked on stuff for the concert, and they made up some stuff. Nick had to leave, so Katie saw him out at about 10:30. She walked over to the couch where AJ was sitting.


She sat down next to him and said, “ Now, where were we?”


He grinned and began kissing her. His hands started to roam and they eventually made it to her stomach. He started to take her shirt off.


She broke the kiss and said, “ AJ, don’t.”


“ Okay.” He said sounding hurt.


She explained, “ I don’t want to. Not right now.”


He said, “ Okay.”


She got up and walked over to the window.


She said, “ Look, it’s not that I don’t like you. Because it’s not. I like you, I really do. It’s just… I think I might have something going with Josh.”


“ But, you know you have something with me, so why chance it?”


“ Don’t compare. It’s just… You’re my boss. I don’t want to start something with any of you right now. I want to get the job fair and square.”


“ In the future, maybe?”


“ In the future, who knows. Probably. You have to look at it from my point of view. I’m changing my way of life. Everything that I have known is going to change. It’s scary. I don’t know what’s coming or even if I made the right decision. I don’t need to complicate things. Right now, I need a friend from you.”


“ Okay.” He paused and said, “ Okay.”


He got up and kissed her, “ Goodnight.” He said.


On his way out of the door he said, “ I’ll pick you up at 5 in the morning.” He was gone.

CHAPTER 8


The worst thing you could possibly do is worry about what you should have done.






The next morning, Katie got up at 4 am. She couldn’t sleep. She kept wondering if she made the right choice. She took a shower and got dressed in time for AJ to pick her up. They didn’t say anything in the car. They all met up at the airport and got seated on the plane. She ended up sitting next to AJ.


They were in the middle of the flight before she said anything to him, “ Look, did last night change our relationship?”


“ I don’t know. I know I’m more guarded around you.”


“ why? Just because I wouldn’t sleep with you doesn’t mean that I still don’t have feelings for you.”


“ Do you?”


She paused and said, “ That doesn’t matter. I made a decision last night that changed our relationship. I don’t know if it was a mistake, or if I made the right choice. Anyway. I made that choice. You and me have to live with that choice.”


“ I don’t have to live with it.”


She said, “ Stop being an asshole, AJ.” She sighed and asked, “ You know why I told you to back off last night?”


“ Why?”


“Because my father raped me. Are you happy?”


AJ blinked and said, “ I didn’t know.”


“ You weren’t suppose to know.”


“ Were you ever going to tell me?”


“ You didn’t need to know.”


“ Why not? If I had known, I never would have gone that far. I would have said, ‘okay’ and backed off.”


“ Yeah, well, that was exactly the reason that I didn’t tell you. I don’t want to be treated as a child who will break. I can make my own decisions.”


“ Yeah, but I wouldn’t have asked for an explanation.”


“ There doesn’t need to be an explanation.”


“So, what else did you lie to me about?”


“ Nothing AJ. Everything I told you was the truth.”


“ What else have you hidden from me?”


“ Nothing AJ. There is nothing that I haven’t told you, and there is nothing that Is a lie. Sadly it is all true.”


“ Yeah, right.” He said.


“ Don’t you think that I wish that everything I said was a lie? Don’t you think that I would love to have a family like yours?”


“ You don’t want a family like mine.”


“ At least you have a mother who cares about you. At least you don’t have a drunken asshole for a father. At least you have a father.” She said her voice raising a little.


“ My father is as much of an asshole as yours is. He left me. I don’t even remember him. How do you think that feels?”


“ Sometimes it is better not to remember. You know how many times I wish that I could forget the things he did, the things he said?” she paused and continued, “ Worst of all, I never felt like anyone cared. They never listened to me.” “ They never stopped him.” she said in almost a whisper.


He hugged her and said, “ You have no idea how much I care about you. I’ve listened to you, and I plan on listening in the future. Don’t ever think you are worthless because of something that asshole said. Please don’t. Because none of it was true. He did it to hurt you. He did it because he knew it affected you.”


“Are you saying that if I didn’t let it affect me, that he would have stopped?”


“ No, honey. I’m saying that he got pleasure out of hurting you. He had no right to do what he did. No right at all.” He said.


He held her at arm length and said, “ You are a beautiful, talented woman. Don’t let anyone take that away from you. You are strong for what you lived through. And although you have no family now, I promise that one day you will have a family of your own. You will raise them knowing that they never have to go through what you did. I will make sure that they don’t go through that. I’ll make sure that you don’t have to go through that again either. I would give my life for you.”


“ Thank you, Alex. You don’t know how much this means to me. I mean it.”


“ Does this mean that you’re not mad at me anymore?”


She smiled and said, “ I never was mad at you to begin with. I was confused, but not mad.”


“ Thank god. You mean so much to me. I didn’t want to lose you.”


“ You haven’t lost me yet. Just don’t get jealous when I start dating Josh, okay?”


“ I promise I’ll try.”

CHAPTER 9


They settled back down for awhile. They were comfortable being next to each other.


Katie finally said, “ Hey, AJ?”


“ Yeah?” he said looking up from his book.


“ I have to tell you something.” She said.


“ Okay.” He said. He put his book down and looked at her.


She took his sunglasses off, held them in her hands, and said, “ That’s better.”


He smiled and said, “ what did you want to tell me?”


“ I want to say that last night I didn’t tell you the whole truth.”


“ What do you mean?”


“ When I told you that my father raped me, I wasn’t completely honest with you.”


“ Okay.” He said uneasily.


“ Now, don’t get mad at me.”


“ I promise I won’t.”


“ Okay. Before he… he entered me, I kicked him really hard.”


“ Shit. That’s cool.”


“ No, it was a stupid idea. If I had gone along with him, it would have been better. See he forced his member in my mouth and demanded that I give him oral. I did for a little while. Then, I bit down as hard as I could.”


“ Good going.”


“ He slapped me really hard and said that I would pay. He slammed my head into the wall and the next thing that I can remember is that I woke up in a hospital. My brother was there at my side. He told me that I was raped several times. He said that when he found me, I was bleeding badly. I guess I lost a lot of blood. He also told me that I was pregnant.”


“ I wasn’t expecting that.”


“ No shit. I wasn’t either. He told me that the doctor had given me an abortion.”


“ Okay.”


“ I just wanted to tell you the truth about it.”


“ I understand.”


“ I have something else to tell you. I didn’t mean to use that as an excuse last night. I’m not afraid of sleeping with guys. Not at all. It’s just that I don’t know if I want to get involved with you right now. I don’t know if I can handle all the pressure. I do want you to know, I plan on taking up the offer you made last night. It just might not be soon, okay?”


“ I can handle that.”


“ I’ll let you know, okay?”


“ Okay.”

CHAPTER 10


AJ noticed that Katie was writing something in a notebook. He reached over and grabbed it out of her hands. He asked, “ What’s this?”


“ I’m working on these song lyrics.”


“ Can I read them?”


“ Sure, it’s not done yet.”


“ No problem.” He said as he began to read them.




I wish I could define

All the thoughts that cross my mind

They seem to big for me to choose

I don't know which ones to lose

And I've fallen down so far

I think I'll never see your light

Bouncing off of me
Shining down here from your eyes


Chorus

Help me

Figure out the difference

Between right and wrong, weak and strong

Day and night where I belong

Help me

Make the right decision

Know which way to turn lessons to learn

And just what my purpose is here




“ Wow. This is really good.” He said.


“ Thanks. I was thinking about having Kevin have a look at it. See what he thinks. I thought maybe you guys could record it as a single.”


“ Yeah, that sounds like a good idea.” He said. AJ turned around and said, “ Hey, Kev. Take a look at this.”


“ What is it?” asked Kevin.


“ Song lyrics. They’re not done, but look at them anyway.” AJ said.


“ Okay. Give me a minute and I’ll give them back. I’ll have Howie, Nick, and Brian look at them too. Then I’ll let you finish them”


“ Hey, they’re not mine. Katie wrote it.” Said AJ.


AJ turned back around and looked at her. She said, “ I wrote those after the audition. After I met you.”


“ Wow. I made that much of an impact on you?” he asked.


“ Yeah. After all, you are the great, sexy Mr. Mclean.” She said in a low, sexy voice.


“ Hey, don’t do that unless you plan on finishing what you started.” He said.


“ I couldn’t resist.”


“ Yeah, sure. I know you meant it. You can’t help but fall in love with me.” He said.


“ Someday, Mclean, someday.” She said.


“ Here you go Aje. They all love the lyrics. Tell her to finish them.” Said Kevin.


“ Katie, guess what?” said AJ.


“ Yeah, I heard him. he told me to finish the lyrics. Give them to me so I can finish them.”


“ Need any help?” asked AJ.


“ Sure. Why not?” said Katie.




For the rest of the plane ride they worked on the song. They finished it right before they landed.




I wish I could define

All the thoughts that cross my mind

They seem to big for me to choose

I don't know which ones to lose

And I've fallen down so far

I think I'll never see your light

Bouncing off of me

Shining down here from your eyes


Chorus

Help me

Figure out the difference

Between right and wrong, weak and strong

Day and night where I belong

Help me

Make the right decision

Know which way to turn lessons to learn

And just what my purpose is here


It's like I got the signals crossed

With messages I can't decode

Half asleep never wide awake

I'm on complete overload


I got so much information here

And nothin I can really grasp

I should know the truth

But I'm too afraid so I have to ask


Chorus


Wanna know you

More than anything

I need you

In my every dream

You're there for me

You love me

For who I am

No angel

Just an ordinary man

Help me figure out

Why I'm stuck in the middle

Tryin to understand

Why I can't quite,

it's such a riddle

Got my eyes crossed

Thinkin so hard

And I know I'm missin the mark


Can you help me sort out

All this information

I'm just rackin my brain

Payin attention

But I'm still lost

And at all costs

I

I gotta know (I GOTTA KNOW!! KNOW!!)


Chorus


Can you help me sort out

All this information

I'm just rackin my brain

Payin attention

But I'm still lost

And at all costs

I

I gotta know (I GOTTA KNOW!! KNOW!!)




Help Me by Nick Carter.

CHAPTER 11


If I could reach up and hold a star for every time you’ve made me smile, the entire night sky would be in the palm of my hand.




They didn’t have to practice until the next day, so AJ took Katie to his house and got her set up with a room. She unpacked that afternoon, because she knew that she was moving to Florida. AJ took Katie out for pizza after they were all done. They went back to his house for the rest of the night. They were in the living room when AJ suggested that they go in the hot tub for a while. AJ and Katie went upstairs to get ready. AJ was done before she was, so he jumped into the hot tub and waited for her. When she came down, she took his breath away. She had on a string bikini. It was baby blue, almost the color of her eyes. Her hair was spread out across her back and shoulders. To him, she looked liked a goddess standing in front of him.


“ Well, are you just gonna stand there, or are you gonna say something?” she asked with a smile on her face.


“ Ummm. You look awesome. If I didn’t already try it, I’d say screw the hot tub.” He said.


“ Well, thanks. I’m glad you think so, but the answer is still no.” she said getting in the hot tub.


“ I have to keep trying. I’d be crazy to let you get away without a fight.” He said as he made room for her next to him.


“ Thanks, I think.” She said sitting next to him.


“ No problem.” He said.


They fell into a comfortable silence until he asked, “ Were you serious about what you said on the plane?”


“ What did I say? About the music?” she asked.


“ No, about dating Josh. Are you serious?” he asked her.


“ Oh, that. I’d like to see where it would lead me. It wouldn’t hurt. He seems like a nice guy.” She said shrugging.


“ So, you’re afraid to be with me, but you’re going to go out with him ASSUMING that he’s ‘nice.’”


“ It’s not like you think it is.”


“ It’s not?”


“ No. I mean. I don’t know.”


“ So, you lied to me.”


“ Lied to you when?”


“ When you told me that you didn’t want to jump into a relationship yet.”


“ I did not lie. I told you exactly why I don’t want to date you.”


“ Yes, but it doesn’t make sense. You want to go out with someone you don’t know, but you won’t even think about going out with someone you are going to be living with? It doesn’t make sense.” He said trying to figure it out.


“ It’s not that at all, AJ. You’re missing the point.”


“ So, what’s the point?”


“ I don’t want to fight with you.”


“ I don’t want to fight either. I’m just confused. I want to know the truth.”


“ Okay. You want the truth?” she said getting frustrated.


“ The truth would be nice once in a while.”


“ I don’t want to go out with you for several reasons.”


“ Please, enlighten me.”


“ I would if I could get a chance to.”


“ Sorry. Continue.” He said.


“ Okay. I’ve heard things from people about dating pop stars. I’ve heard it’s very hard. It’s a lot of stress. I just don’t think that I can handle traveling the world and having a new relationship with you. It’s nothing against you, believe me. If I wasn’t working for you, I would be all over you in a second.”


“ Nice to know.” He said.


“ But, seriously, I have nothing against you, except the fact that Josh seems good for me right now. I don’t want to jump into anything too fast.”


“ Okay, let me get this straight. Basically you won’t even think about dating me because I’m a pop star, and I’ve had a reputation for being, let’s say, unfaithful. I get it. Makes perfect sense.” He said sarcastically.


“It’s not like that.”


“ You’re right. It’s not like that at all. You wanna know why? Because everything you have just said, you based on rumors. RUMORS, Katie. I know I may have screwed up once or twice, but guess what? I’m not perfect. I make mistakes too. It’s just that my mistakes make the evening news, and yours don’t.”


“ I’m sorry. I didn’t know.” She said.


“ You’re right. You don’t know. You don’t know anything about my life. About how lonely I am, or how hard it is to actually keep a girlfriend for more than a month. Do you know how it feels to finally fall in love with someone and turn around to find out that all the crap they said was a lie? Do you?”


“ Yes.” She said.

CHAPTER 12




“ What?” he asked.


“ I said I know how you feel. I’ve been there too. I’ve had people judge me by my past, by my father’s reputation. By what has happened to my family. I’ve had my heart broken countless times. Once they find out about my past they leave town. Someone once left in the middle of the night, and he never came back. It was right after we made love. I told him about my father, everything I told you. He said that he would show me how love was suppose to feel like. I believed him, and we slept together. I woke up the next morning and he was gone. We had been going out for a year, and he left me with no not. No nothing. I haven’t heard from him since.”


“ I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”


“ No shit. No one knew. That’s the way I’d like to keep it. I’ve lost so m any people because of my past. I don’t want to lose anymore.” She said.


“ I have a question. You don’t have to answer it or anything, but I just have a theory.”


“ Okay, shoot.”


“ Are you afraid that if you get too close to me, that you’ll lose me. Like your brother?” he asked looking her in the eye.


She was silent for a while. He said, “ Katie?”


“ Don’t talk about my brother.”


“ But…”


“ Just don’t, okay?” she yelled. She got out of the tub and ran inside the house.


AJ sat there for a couple minutes and decided to follow her. He went into her room to find her crying on the bed. He asked, “ Katie?”


“ Go away.”


“ Can I come in?”


“ Don’t you take no for an answer?”


“ Does this have anything to do with me being right?”


“ I don’t want to talk about it, okay? Why can’t you get it through your head?”


“ Because I think it’s something you’re running from, and you need to talk about.”


“ What do you know?”


“ I know what it feels like to love and lose.”


“ So.”


“ I know what it feels like to be lonely.”


“ So.”


“ I know what it feels like to be used.”


“ So.”


“ I know what it feels like to lose a father.”


“ So.”


“ I also know what it feels like to lose someone you love.” He said as he looked at the back of her head.


She was silent for a long time. AJ went over and sat next to her on the bed. He said, “ I’m sorry that you had to live through some of the most painful things in the world. I can’t help that, and neither can you. My father always used to say, ‘ you can’t change the past, but you can change the future.’ I’ve lived by those words. Someday you are going to realize that you have someone very special caring for you, and you won’t want to lose them. One day I’m going to tell you ‘I love you’ and then let you decide. You will only have one chance. I don’t want my heart broken again, but I’ll do what I have to do. But, I’m here to help you. I know what it’s like to lose someone that you love. I know how hard it is to get over them, but Katie, you have to do it. You can’t dwell on the ‘What if’s,’ or the ‘why’s,’ because if you do, you’ll never find the answers. You’ll only blame yourself more and more until you’re convinced that you caused it. It will make you sick, and I don’t want to see that. I’m afraid for you. I really am. I only want the best for you, but I can only help as much as you let me. There is only so much I can help you with. The rest, you have to do by yourself. So, having a relationship with a guy you hardly know will help you get over him, then go for it. I’m only gonna say one thing. Be careful, please. I don’t want to lose you. Now, good night. We have to get up early. Sweet dreams.” He said.


He kissed her forehead and left her room turning the light off on the way out. She went to bed thinking about what was said, and he went to bed wondering whether or not he did the right thing.

Chapter 13




AJ and Katie were out of the house by 5:30 the next morning. They had an hour drive to Orlando, so they headed out early. Most of the ride was in silence, with small talk here and there.


AJ finally asked what ad been plaguing his mind all morning. He asked, “ Katie, do you trust me?”


She looked at him and asked, “ What?”


“ You heard what I said. Do you trust me?” he asked steeling a glance at her.


“ Umm. I guess, why?”


“ Tell me the truth. Can you honestly say that you trust me?”


“ Yes, AJ. I can honestly say that I trust you. Why?”


“ Good. I’m glad you feel that way.”


“ Me too. Now, why did you ask?”


“ Man, the traffic is bad today isn’t it?” he asked as he looked at the backed up cars all around him.


“ AJ, stop ignoring my question. You had a reason why you asked the question, and I want to know why. Why won’t you tell me?”


“ I was just curious, that’s all.”


“ Bullshit.”


“ Just drop it, okay?” he said not taking his eyes off the road.


She was silent and said, “ I’m scared.”


“ Scared?” he asked looking at her.


She merely nodded like a child.


“ Scared of what?”


“ It’s a lot of things, I guess.”


“ It’s not about dancing is it?”


“ I don’t know. Maybe it is. It’s just… my life is changing so fast. I don’t know if I’ll be able to handle it.”


“ Don’t worry. We wouldn’t have picked you if you didn’t have what it takes.”


“ You didn’t pick me because I’m beautiful?”


“ Well, it couldn’t be only based on that. We had to have a real reason to give to management.”


“ Well, why did you pick me?”


“ Why did I pick you, or why did the group as a whole pick you?” he asked.


“ Why did you pick me, Mr. McLean?”


“ It was for a number of reasons. When you walked through the door, you seemed so confident. After the interview, I was intrigued to say the least. Then, when you danced, I could have sworn there was an angel in the room. There isn’t even words to describe what I thought of you when I first saw you. All I knew is that I had to convince the guys to hire you., so I could dance with you. And, maybe go out on a date or two somewhere in there.”


“ AJ.” She said as she hit his shoulder.


“ Hey, a man can dream, can’t he?”


“ Not about me, he can’t.” she said a matter of factly.


“ Why not? You’re just as fair game as every other single woman out there. You just happen to work for me and dance like an angel.”


“ I’m not like every other woman out there. I have morals.” She said puffing her chest out with pride.


AJ laughed and said, “ If you call making out on a studio floor having morals, I can’t wait to see what happens when you don’t have any.”


“ I guess you’ll never know.”


“ Why not?” he whined.


“ Because you’re not cute enough.”


“ But you said I was great, and hot, and sexy. Doesn’t that count?” he said giving her his puppy dog face.


“ So. I never said you were cute. That’s all that matters.”


“Oh, so you’re saying that Josh is cuter than me, AJ McLean?”


“ Sorry to say, yes.” She said.


“ Ooh. You’re going to get it.”


“ You’re driving. You can’t take your hand off the wheel.”


“ Oh, yeah?” he said as he took both of his hands off the wheel.


She shrieked and started steering.


“ Just kidding.” He said as he took control of the wheel again.


“ Not funny.” She said laughing her head off.


“ But seriously. I think you’ll be great at your job.” He said looking at her.


“ How are you so sure?”


“ I have a feeling.”


“ Oh, no. AJ has a feeling. Watch out.”


“ I’ve seen many dancers succeed with us, and you, my dear, are going to be one of them.” He said ignoring her comment.


“ Are you just saying that so I’ll kiss you again?” she asked.


“ No, I have other ways of making that happen. Trust me. By the time I’m done with you, you’ll be wanting more than a kiss from me.” He said in a sexy voice.


“ Don’t do that. You’re turning me on.”


“ That was intended.”


“ I swear, AJ. All you think about is woman and sex.”


“ No, all I think about is you and sex.” He said giving her a sly grin.


“ Okay, if this is payback, I admit that I deserve it.”


“ I’m not anywhere near your payback.”


“ What is it then?”


“ You’ll just have to wait and see.”


“ Can you give me a hint?”


“ It will involve my house and a hot tub.”


“ Anything else? Are bathing suits required?”


He looked at her with a shocked expression and said, “ Of course bathing suits are required. It just makes it more fun to take things off.”


“ Was it your intent to turn me on like this?”


“ No, but you asked for it, so I gave it to you.”


“ Can I have some more?”


“Maybe later. We’re here.”


“ Joy.”


“ Katie, it’s time to dazzle the world.” AJ said as he opened her door for her.


“ I’d hardly say that Fatima and you guys are hardly the world.” She laughed.


He shrugged and said, “ So I exaggerated.”


“ Let’s just get this over with before I change my mind and catch the next plane to New York.” She said as they neared the door.


He looked at her shocked and said, “ You’d leave me?”


“ In an instant.” She said.


“ Ooh. You better run, cause when I catch you, there’ll be nothing left.” He said giving her a threatening look.


She shrieked and ran inside the building and into the studio.

Chapter 14




The three days of practicing went fast for Katie. She found herself thinking less and less about her past, and more and more about her future. AJ was still harping on her about going out with Josh, but was else is new. She had a feeling that he would always harp on her as long as he wasn’t the one going out with her. She found herself very attracted to AJ. She just couldn’t take that chance of getting hurt again. She figured if Josh screwed her over, she’ll never see him again, but if something went wrong with a relationship with AJ, she’d still have to work with him. She already had a great friendship with him. She didn’t want to ruin it. Maybe some day though. You never know what’s going to happen in the future. Hell, she might even end up marrying him. She just had to take it one day at a time.


The other guys made her feel welcome. She had so much fun around them. They were always horsing around. You always found them with a smile on their face. They brought out the best in her. She started feeling like they were part of a family that she never had. She welcomed it with open arms. She thought that part of her problem was that she didn’t have a family to turn to. She was always by herself. Not anymore.


“ Yo, Kate.” AJ said as he waved a hand in front of her face.


She looked at him and asked, “ What?”


“ What were you thinking about?”


“ What makes you think that I was thinking about anything?”


“ It suddenly got quiet, so I assumed you were thinking.”


She slapped him on the arm and said, “ shut up, Aje. You’re just as bad as I am and you know it. So, stop blaming everyone else.”


“ You know you love me.” AJ said.


“ What would I ever do without you?” she said dramatically.


“ You would still be stuck in that hell hole of a city looking for a dream job. That’s what.”


“ Hey, I happen to like New York.”


“ You and who else?”


“ At least I’m not living in the same place that I was born.”


“ Uhh. Hello? I was born in West Palm Beach, and I… we live in Orlando. Big difference.” He said.


“ Well, sorry. At least I live in a different state.” Katie said trying to get in the last word.


“ Yeah, if I had to live in that state, I would have moved too.” AJ said trying to top Katie.


“ Yeah, well…” she paused searching for a good comeback.


“ Well, what Einstein?” asked AJ.


She leaned over and kissed him. When they finally parted, she said, “ Was that a good enough answer for you?”


“ Let me just say that you can render me speechless any time you want too.” AJ said smiling.


“ Yeah, you wish.” She said rolling her eyes at him and said, “ Men, they’re all the same.”


“ Hey. Some of us are gentleman, mind you. Not all of us are assholes.” Said AJ defending himself.


“ You, a gentleman? I’d like to see that.”


“ I’ll show you, if only you’d give me a chance.” He said seductively.


“ I’m sure.”


“ Hey. You know you can’t resist me.”


“ Please. Don’t make me gag.”


“ Hey!” AJ said.


“ I love you Aje. Don’t worry.”


“ You do?”


“ Get your mind out of the gutter. I love you as a friend, duh. Who would even want to love you?”


“ You would, and I happen to know several women who do also.”


“ Why don’t you call them, because you’re sure not going to get anything from me.”


“ But why not?” AJ whined.


“ We were already over this, Aje. You’re just not cute enough.”


“ Well, then, how do I become cute?”


“ It’s a gift you acquire.” She said.


“ Ladies and gentleman. Please buckle your seatbelt as we are preparing to land at LaGuardia Airport in beautiful, sunny NYC. Thank you and have a nice day.” Said the captain.


She buckled her seatbelt, turned to AJ and said, “ See, someone else does like NY.”

Chapter 15




Once they got to the airport, they rented an explorer, got their luggage and headed to Katie’s house. They were staying for three days. They would be packing and throwing stuff away. AJ insisted that he would pay for al of the shipping costs. Since she was moving from New York to Orlando, she was going to have to ship everything that she sent down to AJ’s house.


AJ followed Katie into her apartment after being stuck in traffic for 3 hours.


“ Remind me to never drive anywhere in New York city during rush hour.” AJ said as he plopped down onto the couch.


“ Yeah, remind me never to book a flight that has an arrival time of 4 o’clock in New York.” Said Katie as she sat next to AJ.


They were enjoying each other’s company while they got their bearings. AJ said, “ Okay. I think we should order a couple of pizzas and get started packing. We’re only here for three days.”


“ Yeah, sure.” Katie replied absentmindedly.


“ What’s wrong?” AJ asked trying to look her in the eyes.


She took a deep breath and said, “ Nothing. You order the pizza, while you do that, I’ll start going through the stuff in my room. When you’re done, you can bring in the boxes, and you can help me pack. Sound good?”


“ Sounds good to me.” AJ said as he took out his cell phone.


Katie left AJ sitting on the couch to go into her room. Once she got there, she looked around wondering where to start.


She thought for a minute and said, “ Hey, AJ?”


“ Yeah?” he said coming up behind her.


“ I was thinking. Maybe my room should be the last thing we pack up. We need somewhere to sleep tonight.”


“ We?” he asked raising his eyes brows.


“ Get your mind out of the gutter, Aje. I sleep in my bed of course. And you, you get the comfort of sleeping on the floor.”


“ But? That’s not very fair.” He said whining.


“ No buts. You are not sleeping in the same bed as me.” She said very sternly.


AJ didn’t reply. He just moved closer to her so that her back was pressed firmly against his chest. He started trailing kisses down her neck and shoulders.


She whispered, “ Unless you change my mind, of course.”


“ Don’t worry. I will.” He said in a very raspy voice.


She turned around to face him ready to give him hell for making her feel the way she always does after he kisses her. She opened her mouth to say something and before she knew it, she was in a full-fledged make out session with him. They slowly backed up into her bed, and she sat down on it never breaking the kiss. His hands worked their way to the hem of her shirt. She lifted her arms up as he slid her shirt off with ease. He pushed her backwards onto the bed so that she had her head on the pillow. She took his shirt off alone with the wife beater. He took her pants off throwing them on the floor. She did the same to his pants. Soon, there was a pile of clothes on the floor next to her bed. AJ looked down into her eyes before capturing her lips with his own as if he was claiming her heart.

Chapter 16




AJ and Katie lay on her bed just loving the closeness of their bodies. She was tracing his tattoo around his belly button when his hand came down on top of hers.


He said, “ Babe, if you keep doing that, we’re going to end up the same place we were 10 minutes ago.”


“ Aje.”


“ Hmm.”


“ When was the pizza suppose to get here?” she asked.


Right after she asked, the doorbell rang. She got up, put her robe on and answered the door. She paid the man and took the four pizzas to the kitchen.


“ AJ?” she asked while she got out plates and soda.


“ What?” he responded as he sauntered into the room with only his boxers on.


“ Why in the world did you get four pizzas?” she said.


“ I figured that it would be a long night.” He said as he made his way over to where she stood.


“ AJ?”


“ Hmmm.” He said as he got closer to her.


“ Thank you.”


He looked surprised at her confession and said, “ Your welcome. For what?”


“ For everything.” She stressed the word everything.


“ Oh, you’re welcome.” He kissed her softly and said, “ Now, come on. We have four pizzas to eat and a house to pack in two days. We better get started.”


“ Okay.”


They got their food and went into the living room. They talked a little bit, but they never said anything about what happened earlier. They didn’t really know what to say about it. They just knew that it felt right.


After AJ was done, he went in and cleaned up the kitchen. Katie Went into her dance studio and started packing up the little things that were lying around.


She was in the middle of packing up her cds when AJ came in to help her.


She looked up at him and said, “ Good, you’re done. Umm. Can you just finish packing these cds up while I go get dressed?”


“ But, why do you have to get dressed? I thought you looked good in what you were wearing.”


“ But, AJ. I wasn’t wearing anything before.”


“ Exactly.” He said smiling at her.


She blushed and just walked out of the room.

Chapter 17




After Katie got dressed, She joined AJ in her studio. They managed to get everything packed up in the room. Then, they moved on to the living room. They packed all of the small stuff in smaller boxes. All of the big stuff, they were going to leave out so they had something to do when they weren’t packing. All the time they were packing, they were laughing and joking. Katie couldn’t remember the last time that she was this happy with anyone. They decided that they would go through her closet and pack up all of her clothes that she would be wearing the next two days. Anything that she didn’t want, AJ put in bags to take to the Salvation Army. Next, came the boxes full of jewelry and her little knick-knacks around her room. After they did that, it was about four in the morning.
They decided that it was time to sleep. After much pleading, AJ got to sleep in her bed with her. She told him that he had to have clothes on, and they would not sleep with each other.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


Katie woke up with arms around her waist. She immediately panicked and jumped out of bed. The sudden movement had woken AJ up and now he looked at her with wide eyes.


“ What’s wrong?” he asked rubbing the sleep from his eyes.


“ N.. Nothing. I just thought you…you were so…someone else. Th… that’s all.” She said visibly shaking.


AJ got out of bed and walked over to where she now stood trying to calm herself down. AJ embraced her until she stopped shaking.


“ It’s okay, Kate. I’m not going to hurt you.”


“ I.. I know. It’s just…I don’t what came over me. It’s been so long since I’ve woken up with someone by my side. It’s been six months.” She said relaxing a little at his touch.


“ It’s okay. I’m sorry I scared you. Do you want to get some breakfast before we get to work again?” He asked guiding her to the kitchen.


“ Sure.” She said as she sat down letting AJ do all of the work.


After they had their breakfast, they split up. AJ was putting all of the kitchen utensils in boxes to be taking to the Salvation Army. She didn’t really need any kitchen supplies at his house. He pretty much had everything that they needed. While AJ was doing that, Katie was packing up some of the stuff that she had saved from her brother. AJ knew that she would eventually have to do it, so he gave her space. Every so often he would go and check on her. He would just peek in the doorway to see if she was all right. She shed a couple tears, but overall she did well. Then, they moved on to the living room. They packed up everything that they could take with them. Everything else, they would leave for the next people. They took everything from the bathroom and packed that up and put the boxes by the door next to all of the other boxes.


After they finished putting the boxes by the door, they looked around.


AJ said, “ So, I guess the only other thing we need to do is pack up the rest of your room.”


“ But, where are we going to sleep?”


“ We’ll sleep on the couch or something. We really need to get everything pack so tomorrow all we have to do is ship the boxes, and take the food to the shelter down the street.”


“ Okay.”


They moved on to her room. While AJ was dismantling the bed, Katie was taking down the pictures off of her wall and putting them in a box filled with peanuts. She took down the last picture, and she started crying. It was one of her favorite pictures of her and Matt. AJ stopped what he was doing and looked up to see what was going on. He walked over to her and looked at the picture that she was holding in her hands.


He said, “ Oh, Kate. This picture is beautiful. Who took it?”


“ Matt’s girlfriend. It was at his 25th birthday party. It’s my favorite picture of Matt and I.”


“ I can see why. You two look like twins.”


“ Yeah. Everyone always told us that we should have been twins. I miss him Aje. I miss him a lot.” She said finally taking her eyes away from the picture.


AJ hugged her and said, “ I know you do babe. I know you do. It’ll get better. I promise.”


She pulled away from him and said, “ Thank you, Alex. Thank you so much.”


He smiled and said, “ You’re welcome. Now, come on. We’re almost done. After we move the boxes, we’ll go to the movies, alright?”


“ Yay. We’re going to the movies.” She said acting like a little kid.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


The next day, they woke up really early. Since their flight was at 10 o’clock, they had to wake up at 7 to get everything done. After they packed up the food from the fridge, they put some of the boxes in the Explorer. The rest, they put in the U-Haul that they had rented to take them to the Fed-Ex place. After they dropped off the boxes and the food, they stopped back at the apartment to get their stuff.


Katie took one look around to make sure that they hadn’t forgotten anything. AJ was out of the door, so she could lock it on her way out.


After they were well on their way to the airport, she said, “ I’m going to miss this place.”


“ You’re going to miss the traffic, and all of the people, and the smog, and the crime? I’m not going to miss it.”


“ No, I’m going to miss the parks, the nice people, the city environment, and the feeling that you’re never alone in the world.”


“ Aren’t you going to miss your apartment?” He asked.


“ Yes. Don’t even get me started on that. I loved that apartment. I decorated it all by myself.”


“ I’ll tell you what. You can decorate my house for me. I can’t do it, and I don’t really want to pay someone else to do it.”


“ Why?”


“ I don’t really like the idea of a strange person in my house when I’m not there. You know what I mean?”


“ Yeah. I get your drift. I don’t know if I can save your house though.”


“ What do you mean? What’s wrong with it?”


“ Nothing. Just the fact that you’ve been living in it. It’ll be hell trying to clean everything up.”


“ Hey! My house isn’t that bad.”


“ Oh, Yeah? I bet you can’t even see the floor in your closet.”


“ Well, that’s the only place it’s a mess. Everything else is clean.”


“ Okay. I’ll take your word for it.”


A few minutes later, they arrived at the airport. They checked in and waited for their flight. Once they boarded, they were off to Orlando.


Katie looked at AJ and said, “ This is officially the beginning of my new life.”


“ Yes it is.”

Chapter 18




“ Okay guys. You have a half hour break before we’ll go over the whole show. Have fun.” Fatima turned away from the guys to talk to one of the dancers.


“ What are we going to do for 30 minutes?” asked Nick as he plopped down on the floor.


“ I don’t know about you, but I’m going outside for a smoke.” AJ walked out of the door with Katie behind him.


AJ sat down on a bench and made room for Katie to sit down.


“ I want to say thank you again for helping me move. You didn’t have to do that.”


“ Yeah, but I wanted to. I had a lot of fun. I love hanging out with you.” AJ moved closer to her and kissed her softly.


Katie broke away. “ I….I need to make a phone call.”


“ Okay. I don’t mind.” He shrugged his shoulders and went back to finding his cigarettes.


Katie took her phone out and dialed a number that she thought she’d never be calling.


“ Umm. Hi, is Josh there?”


AJ’s eyes widened as he stared at her.


“ This is he. Who’s calling?”


“ Umm. It’s Katie.”


“ Oh, yeah. Hi, Kate. I was wondering when you’d call.”


“ You were waiting for me to call?”


“ Yeah, but that’s okay. You must have been busy. How’s Florida, by the way. Did you get the job?”


“ That’s kind of why I called.”


Good. AJ Thought. She’s going to tell him to hit the road.


“ I take it that it’s bad news.” Josh sighed.


“ Depends on how you take it. I got the job.”


“ Well that’s great.”


“ Maybe.”


“ What do you mean maybe?”


“ In order to keep the job, I had to move to Orlando.”


“ That’s great!!! I live 20 minutes away from Orlando.”


“ Holy shit. How come you didn’t tell me?”


“ Because you never asked. Do you want to go out sometime? Maybe coffee or something?”


“ Yeah. I’d love that. I’m leaving for the tour in two weeks, so anytime before then.”


“ Okay. How about Tomorrow at 8 o’clock?”


“ Tomorrow at 8. Sounds good to me.”


“ Okay, great. I have to go now, so see you later.”


“ Yeah, bye.” Katie hung up the phone and turned around to look at AJ. “ AJ, you’d never guess. I’m going out tomorrow with Josh. He lives in Tampa.”


“ Joy.”


“ Aren’t you happy for me?”


“ No.”


“ Why not? Aren’t you happy that I’m finally moving on?”


“ No. You should be moving on with me. Not him.”


“ Why you?”


“ Uhh. You slept with me remember?”


“ Yeah, so?”


“ I can’t believe you’re doing this. Why did you sleep with me then, huh? An easy fuck, aren’t I?”


“ It’s not like that Aje.”


“ Did I fulfill your pleasures?”


“ AJ. You’re not making any sense. I slept with you because I wanted to.”


“ Oh, so it was a one night stand. And you go accusing me of having countless one night stands.”


“ AJ, knock it off, and let me explain. I slept with you because I care about you.”


“ Then, why did you set up for a date with Josh?”


“ I already told you. I don’t want to get into a relationship with you just yet.”


“ But I figured that since you slept with me, you were ready to get into a relationship. I gave you my heart and you turn around and stab me in the back. A nice friend you are.”


“ AJ listen to me.”


AJ turned around and looked at her. “ I will not listen to another word of your crap. I thought you were ready to start a relationship with me. That’s why I slept with you. I felt something for you. I thought you did too. That’s what usually happens when you sleep with someone. I’m sad to say that I was wrong about you. You want to make everyone feel bad for you because your father raped you. But, you didn’t seem to take it too hard when we slept together. You’re just using people. You’re using me. I don’t want to talk to you again. You’re not worth my time.” He turned around and walked away.


“ But Alex.”


“ Save it, Katie. And don’t call me that again.” He walked into the studio and picked up his bag.


“ Where are you going AJ?”


“ Home. I’m not staying here with her.” He left leaving four backstreet boys to stare at Katie as she walked in the door.


“ What was that all about?” Kevin watched her as she picked up her stuff and started towards the door. She didn’t bother answering him.


“ Where do you think you’re going? You have to stay here and practice.” Kevin grabbed her arm and whirled her around so that she was facing him.


“ I’m not staying here. I’m leaving. I don’t give a fuck what you say. I’m walking out that door whether you like it or not.” She took her hand out of his grasp and walked out the door.


She got outside and stopped to look around. AJ’s car was gone. She didn’t figure that he’d stay around. She suddenly realized that she didn’t have anywhere to go. She sat on the steps and thought about the day’s events. She heard the door open and she felt someone sit down beside her.


“ Hi, Howie.”

Chapter 19




“ What happened in there, Kate?”


“ Just a minor argument, that’s all.” She shrugged and continued looking down at the ground.


“ I don’t think that was a minor argument.” He said trying to look her in the eyes.


She shrugged again, “ He’ll get over it.”


“ What happened in NY?”


“ Nothing much.”


“ Something happened in NY, and that’s what you two were fighting about. Now look at me and tell me the truth.” He was getting very mad at her stubbornness.


“ Ok. Something did happen in NY. I realized that I can’t get involved with AJ.”


“ Why not? He’s everything you’ve been looking for, or so you told me.”


“ Because he doesn’t understand. No one understands.”


“ I’m trying to understand. But, you’re not helping anything. Now, look at me and tell me.”


She looked him straight in the eyes and said, “ Do you know anything about my past?”


He looked away and said, “ Yes.” It was barely above a whisper.


“ Who the hell told you?” she was getting angry now.


“ AJ told all of us at one of our meetings.” Howie continued to look away and speak softly.


“ How dare he. So, management knows, too?”


“ No, just us. He swore us to secrecy.”


“ That bastard. He’s going to pay for this. That was my past, Howie. My business. He had no fucking right to say anything.” She was fuming right about now.


“ He has reasons for everything. He told us because he cared about you, and he wanted to make sure you were happy.”


“ Yeah, right. That;s the biggest bunch of bull I’ve heard in a long time. Take me home. I need to have a few words with AJ.” She said getting up.


Howie pulled her back down and said, “ Whoa. Hold on. It was partly our fault too. We asked him and he told us. So, don’t go getting all mad at him. Let’s sit here and talk about why you and him fought. Then, you can tlak to AJ.”


“ That was personal, Howie. He had no right. I have the right to tell you what I want when I want to. Not him.”


“ I know. And we shouldn’t have asked.”


“ Damn straight.” There was silence while the two of them were lost in their own thoughts.


“ Howie, I..I slept with him.”


“ You what?” his eyes got big.


“ We were packing, and one thing led to another…” she trailed off.


“ So that’s what the fight was about.” He creased his brows. “ Why were you two fighting about that? I would have expected a make out session or something. But not fighting.”


“ I made a date with Josh, and Aje flipped out on me.”


“ Ah. You made a date with another guy. Let alone a guy you met at the bar while you were with him and Nick. That might cause some problems.” He nodded.


“ Wait a second. You know about Josh too?”


He knodded. “ Ooh, I’m going to kill him.”


“ You can do that later. Now, why don’t you want to go out with Aje?”


“ I’m afraid.”


“ If you’re afraid to date, then why are you going out with Josh?”


“ No, it’s not that. I’m not afraid to date. It’s just that if something happens with Josh, I’ll never have to see him again. But, if something happens with AJ, I have to work with him. Hell, I have to dance with him every day. The last thing I need is us fighting. I don’t want to get into a deep relationship right now either. My whole life Is changing, and I don’t’ want to have everything change on me too quickly. And I definalty think dating AJ will change it very quickly. AJ wants a deep meaniful relationship. With, Josh, I don’t know what he wants. I don’t know what we’re going to end up as. I wanted to see. Kind of explore all of my options.”


“ So, the only reason you are going out with Josh is basically because he isn’t a celebrity, he isn’t in it for the long run, and he doesn’t know you.”


She nodded.


“ Ok. It doesn’t really make much sense to me, but if that’s what you want, then go for it girl. Just don’t go hurting people who don’t deserved to be hurt, okay?”


“ Yeah. I really do like AJ. It’s just, I don’t’ know. I can’t really explain it.”


“ You don’t have to. I hear ya. But, just be careful. Especially because you don’t know Josh. You don’t know what he could turn out to be. He could just want you for in bed. Who knows. So, just eb careful.”


“ Yes dad. Whatever you say dad.” She smiled.


“ Hey I got you to smile. My job is accomplished. So, come on. Let’s go inside and dance.”


“ I don’t really feel like dancing, so, I’ll come in and watch you dance. How about that?”


He smiled, “ Sure.”


They got inside to find everyone laughing and goofing around. Katie went over to Kevin and said, “ Hey, Kev?”


“ Hmm.”


“ I want to say that I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have taken my anger out on you.”


“ It’s okay.” He pulled her in for a hug. “ Everything okay now?”


“ I guess. For the time being.” She said as she let go.


“ You going to dance?”


“ No, I think I’ll watch. I’m not really in the mood for dancing anymore.”


“ Okay, if you need anything. Let us know, ok?”


She smiled. “ I will Kev, thanks.”


Kevin smiled back before getting back to work. She leaned her head against the wal, ands he closed her eyes. Before she knew it, she was woken up by someone.


She opened her eyes to find Howie staring at her. “ You ready to go home?”


“ I guess so.”


Howie dropped her off at AJ’s house. She walked in hoping she didn’t run into Aj. She figured if she did, she’d blow up in his face. That would not be good to piss him off more than he was already. She went upstairs and into her room. She got into her Pj’s and went to bed.

Chapter 20




Katie woke up and after a nice long shower she went downstairs to face aj’s wrath. She knew something like this wouldn’t just go unnoticed; he would talk to her about it again. She walked into the kitchen just as AJ poured his cereal. He didn’t even look up.


“ We gotta talk.” She said.


“ I don’t wanna hear anything you have to say.” He said as he put the milk away and slammed the door shut.


“ Well, I don’t give a shit if you do or not, you are going to listen to me.”


“ Like hell I am. You fucked me over, Katie. What makes you think I wanna talk to you?” he said finally looking at her.


“ Because you care, AJ.”


“ No I don’t. I thought I did, but I don’t anymore.” He started to eat his cereal.


“ Yes you do, or else you wouldn’t be as mad as you are right now. I care about you, AJ, I really do. It’s just…I can’t really explain it.” She sat down across from him.


“ You don’t have to. I don’t want an explanation. What you did, you hurt me, Katie. When you called him and asked him on a date, that hurt. You broke my heart back there. I don’t want an explanation. I just want to know if I will ever be good enough for you.” He said looking at her and then back to his cereal.


“ AJ, you already are good enough. You are perfect.”


“ Well, then why did you do it, huh? This isn’t making any sense.”


“ I’m afraid, Alex.” She said barely above a whisper.


His expression softened. “ Afraid of what?”


“ I don’t know. I just know that I am really afraid.”


“ Don’t be afraid of me. I won’t do anything to hurt you. I swear it to you.” He said reaching over and stroking her hand.


“ I know you won’t. It’s just, I don’t know if I’m ready for this. I don’t want us to screw everything up and then fight for the rest of our lives. Everything in my life is changing, and I don’t want it to change too fast. I want to be able to have at least a little control of my life. Maybe someday, Alex, someday. Just not right now.”


“ Are you afraid because for once something in your life felt so right? You afraid that it might be too good to be true?” he said trying to look in her eyes.


“ Maybe. All I know is, I need this, AJ. I just need a friend right now. Please. I’m begging you. Don’t be mad at me, I need you to be here for me.” She pleaded.


“ I will always be here, Kate. Always. Even if I’m not with you, I am here. Never forget that.”


“ Thank you.” She got up and hugged him.


“ No problem. I guess I couldn’t hate you forever. After all, you did steal my heart.” He looked down at her and smiled.


“ I what?” she pulled back a little and looked up at him.


“ Yeah. You heard me. But, it’s ok. I’ll deal with it. I will be here waiting. I promise that.” He never stopped smiling.


She didn’t say anything. She just leaned up and kissed him. She put her arms around his neck and just kissed him with everything she was. It was one of those kisses where it left them both breathless after they parted.


He just stared in her eyes. He finally said, “ Ya know, that’s not fair.”


“ I know, but it felt so right. I figured it couldn’t hurt.”


“ Yeah, well, don’t do it unless your whole heart is in it. Don’t hurt me, please.”


“ I will never hurt you. I promise.” And to prove her point, she kissed him again.


“ We have to stop doing this. Or else, it’s going to end up, well, you know where it’s going to end up. So, just stop.” He said, almost pushing her away.


“ Ok. You don’t have to just push me away.”


“ Wait, isn’t that what you did to me? You’re the one who doesn’t want to get involved. You have to make up your fricking mind, Katie. I can’t keep going back and forth. I don’t want to end up getting used, ok?”


“ Aren’t you the one who uses and abuses girls all the time for your own pleasure?”


“ Holy fucking shit. You did not just say that. Don’t ever say that kind of crap about me again, you hear me?” he said backing away from her.


“ It’s true.”


“ That was before, Katie. Don’t bring this up now, ok? I try to forget my past, ok?”


“ Well, I believe someone told me that it didn’t do you any good to forget your past. Take your own god damn fucking advice.” She turned around and started to walk away. She stopped and said, “ This is why I don’t want to get involved. Because of who you really are. An asshole.”


He just watched her walk away from him. He whispered, “ Don’t say things you will regret. And don’t shut the people out who you need.”

Chapter 21




It was true. She did need him; she just didn’t want to admit it. She didn’t want to open her eyes and look at what she had in front of her. It scared her too much. She didn’t want to lose another person in her life. She didn’t know why she kept pushing him away. He was right. It all felt so right, but she was scared that it was too good to be true. She had never been given anything in her life and she wasn’t used to that. She had to work for everything she got. She wasn’t used to having someone like AJ around who loved her for who she really was. He reminded her of her brother, and that scared her. He was sweet, and kind, and caring, everything that her brother was and more. Plus, she found herself attracted to him in the worst way. She knew she shouldn’t be shutting him out, or any of the other guys out. It just happened. She feared that if she got too close to people, she would lose them. Because every time she found herself really happy with her life, something happened to change that. She didn’t want that this time. She wanted to live the fairy tale life. But, for someone like her, it really was too good to be true.


AJ sat down right next to her breaking her thoughts. He ducked his head to look into her eyes and said, “ You okay?”


She only shook her head and continued to stare at the floor. He moved closer to her and said, “ What’s wrong?”


She didn’t say anything. She just stared at the floor. She was torn. Half of her wanted him to go away, and the other half wanted him to hold her. She looked up at him with tears in her eyes. “ Sorry.”


“ Oh, Kate, it’s ok. Come here.” He took her into his arms and she just embraced his comfort. They lay on the couch like that for a while. He finally pulled away so he could look at her.


“ You going to tell me what’s wrong?” he rubbed her back as he looked into her eyes.


“ I don’t want to lose you. But, it’s my destiny. It’s my destiny to be alone all my life.”


“ Don’t you ever say that. It is nobody’s destiny to be alone.”


“ Then why do I feel so alone right now?”


“ Because you’re too afraid to open your eyes and see that you aren’t alone. I’m here, Katie. I have always been here, and I always will.”


“ No, you won’t. nothing ever lasts. This whole thing, my job, you, our relationship, it’s all too good to be true. It’s a fairy tale life, AJ, and for girls like me, there is no such thing as a fairy tale life.”


“ Oh, Katie, don’t say that. For everything you have gone through, you deserve all this and more.”


“ No, I don’t, Alex. I deserve to be alone in a gutter someplace. Not here, not now. Don’t get me wrong. I love my new life, I really do. it’s just, everything that has been good for me, it ends somehow. It all stops as soon as it began.”


“ It doesn’t always happen like that. You look at life like someone is out to get you, when in actuality there isn’t anyone out to hurt you besides you.”


“ No, see that’s where you are wrong. There are people in this world out to hurt you. I have experienced some of those people, Alex.”


“ But, there are also people in this world who are here to help you, and who want to help you.”


“ I don’t want your help, or pity Alex.” She started to get up, but he held her back.


“ Look at me, and listen good. You can’t keep doing this. You can’t keep letting people get close, and then shut them out. It doesn’t help anything. It just hurts people, Katie. Now, I want to help you, not because I pity you. I would never pity you. I don’t pity anyone. I want to help you because I care about you. Now don’t go saying I don’t care, because I do. I wouldn’t have come to New York with you, or done any of the things I did in New York if I did not care about you. You hear me? So, don’t’ go shutting me out, dammit. Don’t’ shut people out who care about you. Because, in the end all you do is hurt yourself. And you bring other people down with you. Let me help, Katie, please.” He pleaded with his eyes. She sighed and said, “ I want to, I really do, I just don’t’ want to lose you, that’s all.”


He got up so he was at eye level with her. “ You will never lose me in a million years. You can’t get rid of me as easily as you think you can. I promise you that. Now, I think it’s about time we get to practice, don’t you?”


“ Yeah, let’s go kick some major ass.”