”That´s it, Move your body. Yes.. one, two, three, spiiiinnn!” Fatima Robinson, dance instructor for the Backstreet Boys yelled as they were practicing moves for their upcoming American/Canadian tour “Backstreet's Back.”

They had been practicing for the last three hours almost non stop and things were starting to take it´s toll on their body. Nick Carter, who would turn 18 next month and the youngest in the group was doing his best to keep up with the rest of the guys. His joints were sore from dancing and sweat poured down his back.

“Can´t we take a break?” he panted as he bent down, hands on his knees. The rest of the boys said nothing, but they looked as worn out as Nick felt.

“No,” Fatima shook her head, “We have to get this move straight..come on, one more time!” She was pressing the boys until there was a taste of blood in the back of their throats. Nick groaned once more and he did his best to make the spin.

What he didn´t calculate was that he had to take an extra step and as he turned around he felt his world go 180 degrees. “Whoaaaa!!” Before he knew it he fell. Flat on his butt.

“Clutz,” AJ laughed and the rest of the boys as well as Fatima followed in to the laughter. Not wanting to make a fool of himself Nick grinned too.

“When will you ever set this straight?” Kevin asked impatiently, “I don´t wanna spend the whole christmas working on this!”

The dark haired man was upset that they had to spend the better part of the holiday rehearsing when they could be at home with their families, celebrating instead. They were going to kick off the tour over the New Year in Montreal. This descision had Kevin a bit upset since he had looked forward to be spending New years Eve with his girlfriend Kristin and now would have to spend it with the guys instead. The feeling was mutual in the group. But what could they do? Management called all the shots.

“I can´t do this,” Nick muttered where he sat on the floor. “I need a break.”

“Don´t we all?” Howie sighed. He was not a happy fellow either since he wouldn´t be allowed to spend the holiday with his family and his mom that he loved and admired over everything else. Brian said nothing and instead offered Nick his hand. Taking it gratefully Nick reached out for it, but as Brian pulled him up he said, ”Jeeze Nick, you´re getting heavy.”

The words hit him like cold water had rinsed all over him. He knew that he wasn´t as slim as he had been when he was a scrawny teenager, although not fat, yet it hurt when someone commented on his weight. There was some laughter coming form the group and Nick did his best to laugh it off. Glancing at Brian he saw that he was on the brim of exhaustion and he didn´t add any further fuel to the conversation. Brian had been working very hard, like the rest of him, but he had also been recently to the doctor where they had given him the news that he had to have open heart surgery due to a hole that they had found in his heart.

Nick knew that this frightened his friend dearly and he was not as happy as he used to be. More sullen and in his own thoughts.

Once Nick got on his feet he brushed his sweatpants off saying, “Can´t we do this tomorrow instead?” He knew that he sounded whiney, but couldn´t help it since a headache was starting to form in his front lobe.

Fatima looked straight at him, shaking her head slowly, “I know that you´re tired, but NO, you have to get these moves straight and I don´t care if you have to work the whole Christimas Eve. Understand?” She was a brilliant instructor, but she could aslo be a bit rough when she wanted to achive something, and this she often had to practice on Nick who had a way of getting whiney whenever hard work was required. She knew that Nick was a perfectionist and therefore she pushed him to the edge, knowing that he needed it as well as had to learn not to do everything the easy way.

“Okay, okay,” Nick felt defeated, putting his hands up in the air. “Turn on the music. I´ll do it.” With that he started to practice the dance moves furiously and he didn´t even stop when the boys called a break one hour later. He decided to show them. That he was no clutz.

Christmas eve went past fast. Nick had spent the evening with his family and relatives and he had stuffed himself full of goodies and food for three days straight. It was a delicious meal and his mother had spent the better part of her time in kitchen cooking up all sorts of delights. This reminded him when he was young, before joining the group. It felt good to be together with family and he had played all sorts of games with his little brother and sisters.

Now it was time to go back to normal again. About as normal as it can gets when you are in the middle of doing promotion and concerts all across Canada and the states.

“Bye Mom,” Nick hugged his mother long and hard, not wanting to let go of his grip. He didn´t feel like touring and had actually enjoyed being at home, chillin’, watching tv, listening to music. The fact that he would be on his own for more than a month might also have contributed that he felt alone and a bit sad. His parents didn´t have the chance to follow him on and his Uncle Jack, who often accompanied him couldn´t come either. This left Nick on his own.

After reassuring his parents about hundred times that he would do just fine, he heard the van honk outside. Looking through the window he saw Howie waving from the window.

“I´ll better be going then,” the last syllables were dragged out, before he picked up his sportsbag and walked outside. Nick wasn´t much of a packer and he tried to take as little things with him as possible. AJ and Howie was the worst in bringing suitcases and they had taken with them 3 each. They were suppose to fly to Halifax in Nova Scotia where they would make a performance the same night. Then they would take the bus down to Quebec before they would head off to Montreal and the beginning of the tour.

Brian and Kevin would meet them in Halifax and Nick's company during the flight would be AJ, Howie and of course Lou, Johnny and Donna. He couldn´t exactly say that he looked forward to this.

“Hey guys,” Nick said cheerfully as he opened the van door.

“Cha Nicky,” Howie greeted him with a smile and AJ peered down behind his glasses, giving him a short nod.

“Hello Nick,” Donna said as she took his trunk, putting it in the back.

“You´re ready?” Lou asked as he sat down in the drivers seat. Johnny sat with him and Nick had the “opportunity” to sit next to Donna.

“Sure,” He crawled into the small van and waved to his family who waited on the porch. The ride over to the airport was very uneventful and he managed to doze on and off a few times. It was early in the morning and Nick, not being much of a morning person was for once grateful for the rocking that the van provided.

They didn´t have to wait long until it was time to board the plane. The early flight as well as sunglass covered faces made it possible to escape the fans.

“Yo man,” AJ said as he tried to get Nick's attention, “check out that girl.” He motioned with his head towards a good looking brunette that stood by the check in desk.

“Yup, she is a chick.” Howie commented and Nick couldn´t help to blush. Even if he was womanizer he got all nervous being around girls that looked like models. His hands went sweaty and he didn´t know what to do with himself. She looked his way, smiling.

Nick's legs felt like jello and AJ had to hold him up or he would tilt to his side. “You ok man?” he asked a bit concerned. Nick nodded franetically. The girl smiled again and he decided that as soon as he got a chance he would go over and talk to this fox. If he was lucky she was heading with the same plane.

“Mandy,” a boy called out for her and Nick could feel a pang of sadness when he saw the boy embrace the girl. He had lived in Tampa for the better part of his life, but never set his eyes on this girl before.

“Looks like she already have a boyfriend,” Howie said, patting Nick on his shoulder.

“Yeah.” Nick sighed as he picked up the sportsbag, walking behind the guys towards the exit. He couldn´t help looking back at the girl again. There was something special about her and he made a mental note that if he ever met her one more time he would go up and chat her up.

“Come on, stud.” Bone grinned as he saw that Nick had turned around again, looking at the girl. “Canada is waiting and I´m pretty sure that there are some other hot looking babes that are more than willing to get into your pants.”

“AJ!” Howie sounded shocked, but got a grin back. It was fun to tease Sweet D’.

Once they boarded the aircraft Nick sank back in his seat, closing his eyes. He never liked flying since he often got airsick and was afraid that they would crash any second. Goíng up and down was the worst and he was actually happy that he had skipped breakfast once the plane took off to higher altitudes.

“What did you do for Christmas?” Donna asked as she sat across the aisle, together with her husband and Lou.

“Not much, ate like a pig,” Nick replied.

“Yeah it shows,” Bone commented, patting Nick on his stomach. “You look like you´re pregnant.”

“I do not!” Nick felt offended. Okay, he might have gained some weight, but not at all in the rate that his friend was suggesting.

“You need to do some work outs, “ Howie commented and Nick felt pissed. Were the guys going to nag to him about his looks all the way to Canada? Howie was some kind of health nut and AJ took good care of his body too, lifting. He knew that he wasn´t fat or anything, it was just that this past year he had changed his looks and was starting to mature more and more. With this came that he was getting taller, almost as tall as Kevin, as well as getting a belly. Yet there were no need for concern.

After sleeping all the way, missing two meals and a movie it was time for the plane to go down. He grabbed the armrest tightly, closing his eyes when he felt the plane starting to go down.

“Take it easy,” Howie comforted him, “nothing will happen.” Bone was for once not making any cruel jokes about Nicks situation and as soon as the plane touched ground he wanted out from this hellhole.

Not many people knew what time the Backstreet Boy's would arrive and as he walked towards the terminal people turned around, pointing at him. “Look it´s Nick Carter!” one person yelled and he could have ripped off their heads. Dealing with fans was the last thing he wanted right now.

Within seconds the airport was filled with people coming over to them and Johnny and Lou did their best to protect Nick, Howie and AJ from a destiny of becoming run down by fans. They were guided towads a waiting wan and had to run through the crowd of fans that were waiting outside the airport terminal.

“Nick! Nick I love you,” the girls screamed, grabbing at his clothes. Panic surged up in him and he felt grateful when Lou helped him into the bus. Inside he was met with a surprise, Kevin and Brian had already checked in and they were waiting for them, watching the riot that occurred outside.

“Hey Frack,” Brian said with a smile as they were safe and sound again. He patted on the seat next to him and Nick sat down immediately. They did a short wrestling match as they met each other again after being away over the holdidays.

“Wassup dude?”

“Nothing much, sitting here. Bored,” Brian said and soon they were engrossed in a conversation dealing with family, Christmas gifts and Nintendo.

Their chat was soon interrupted by Kevin turning to them a bit formal, “So Nick how was things over at your family?”

“Pretty good.” Nick looked down since he didn´t want Kevin to see the tears that dwelled in his eyes when he talked about his family. He was very private about his private life, not wanting to reveal too much. One of the main things for acting like this was that the more he talked about his siblings the more he missed them.

“What did you do?” Kevin didn´t sound too interested and before Nick had a chance to answer AJ butted into the conversation, “Fatass here has been eating junk, can´t you see that he has gained some weight?” AJ was suppose to make it as a joke and he grinned widely afterwards, slapping Nick hard on his back.

The blonde however wasn´t too amused and didn´t approve of the laughter and jokes that followed afterwards. “Knock it off!”

“Jeeze you're moody,” AJ mumbled as he muttered some not so nice words.

“I hope your not going to be in this mood all the time,” Kevin stated and Nick felt angry. Maybe it was the age difference between them, but recently they had a very hard time dealing with each other. Nick knew that Kevin tought of him as a baby and this upset him grately.

He bit his lip,there were no use in starting a fight. After all it was only a few minutes since they had met and they had a loooooong tour ahead of them.

”I'm telling you, the management is trying to screw us up. I´ve talked with some people and they say that we got a very bad deal. We have to do something, like acting since Lou is keeping the most of the profit in his own pocket,” Kevin whispered to Brian as they sat talking in the backroom on the bus.

They were on their way to Quebec after a successful concert in Halifax and Nick laid in his bunk listening to the conversation. It was midnight and he was the only one that had gone to sleep. Lou and Johnny were up front and Donna sat with the other guys watching a video. Therefore, it was pretty safe to continue with the discussion for Brian and Kevin.

“Then what should we do?” Brian frowned and his cousin responded, “We have to take some actions. Get a lawyer that can look into the contract that we have. I´ll tell you one thing, Lou is making a fortune out of us and meanwhile we have to sleep in bunkbeds!”

Nick could tell Kevin was pretty upset over the whole deal and he feared that this was just the beginning of a very tough period. Even if he didn´t like the management and thought that they pushed them much too hard he still didn´t want to come into a conflict. He was much too worried that this would mean the end of the Backstreet Boys. After all Lou had “found” them and as he put it they needed him.

“A high school friend of mine is a very good lawyer and I could ask if he could look into this. You know, read our contracts and see if the management is blowing us off. This could mean big money.”

“Okay, that could be a idea. I have been thinking on the same things as you have. And I also think that they are pushing us much too hard. Look at Nick, he is always so tired and now they want me to delay my heart surgery until we have been to Europe. The doctors told me that they wanted it to be done as soon as possible.”

“I know and there's so much that we have to deal with. Besides if we got away with this, we could much more decide much more on the show. “

“Yes." Brian was silent for a moment before asking, “Should we tell the guys about this, you know our suspecions and plans?”

“No,” Kevin shook his head, “ o, AJ is much too close with Johnny and I´m not sure that he sees this as a problem, besides if Johnny got suspecious he could easily get him to talk. Especially over a few drinks. I don´t think that we should tell Howie either. It would just upset him further.”

Nick pricked up his ears and his senses, waiting for what they had to say about him and he didn´t have to wait long before it came.

“We have to tell Nick,” Brian stated. Brian and Nick, Frick and Frack were very close to each other and they told each other everything. They had no secrets to hide from each other.

“Nick? No! He would definately talk with his big mouth.”

Well thank you Kevin, Nick thought, a bit pissed. He turned hard in his bunk, enough just to make them aware of that he had listened to their conversation. Adding to this he coughed loudly.

“Nick? Frack?” Brian called out, waiting to hear if his friend was sleeping or not. He wasn´t being so stupid that he let himself known in words and kept silent.

“You think he heard?” Kevin asked a bit worried.

“Don´t know. But Nick has pretty big ears and he has a habit of listening in on private conversations.”

Great to have such good friends, Nick pondered sarcastically as he heard the cousins talking. He decided that he would confront them some day. Now was much too late. With a yawn he close his eyes, but had trouble falling asleep. Much too worried over the conflicts that were rising inside the group.

“Happy New Year!” the crowd cheered and all of the guys and the band raised their glasses. Celebrating in the New Year. They had ended a concert in Montreal and now it was an afterparty at a private nightclub.

Everybody was a bit tipsy and Nick wasn´t too far behind from the others when it came to being drunk. Brian had objected to Nick's choice of liquid, but AJ had claimed that since it was New Years eve and that Nick would soon be 18 and that was legal age in some European countries. Brian had finally given in and Kevin who was suppose to be in charge for the young blonde was keeping a steady eye on him so he wouldn´t overdo it.

Donna and the rest of the management didn´t care if Nick drank, infact they were more drunk then the boys. Ever since the other night when Nick overheard Brian and Kevin talking he had kept to himself, not talking so much with them. Not to the management either, much too afraid that he would slip in what he said. When he had been asked why he was so down the past few days, Nick had just said that he was tired and that he longed for home. This was true. When the nights came he was desperatly homesick. It was worse now when it was a holiday.

Nick took another snack from the snackbar and shoved it into his mouth, rinsing it off with champagne. The expensive kind since Lou was buying for them. Kevin had muttered that they could afford such a thing but not proper bed arrangements. This had him very pissed.

“Salut,” Howie said as he together with AJ were cheering in all different languages. Nick was also hanging along and the more he drank he got the more cheerful he became. Soon he was chatting with everybody at the place, including rapping some made up song.

“We have to take Nick home. He'll make a fool of himself,” Kevin hissed when he saw Nick laughing hysterically with some unknown person.

“Relax buddy,” Johnny held his arm around Kevin's shoulder.” Nick can manage just fine. That boy..that boy can do much more than we think of him.” Johnny was very drunk and his speech was heavily slurred.

“Johnny, he is under age,” Brian informed him, not liking what he saw. Their manager should keep a eye on Nick instead of encourage him to drink more. But then it wasn´t Johnny or Lou or even Donna thaht would have to stay guard with him the whole night. Helping him when he was too sick to be alone. This was destined to him or Kevin and he didn´t like this at all. He was becoming more and more skeptical that the management could manage a group like this.

“That I know,”Johnny slurred, “but it´s New Years eve and we're suppose to have fun. Relax now. Cheers!” He raised his glass to his mouth. “This is good stuff. Looks like Lou has been putting on his spender trousers.”

Brian shuddered. He wondered silently what the press would think if they knew that their management was totally drunk off of their asses. Donna was nowhere to be seen and Brian didn´t know if he wanted to know where she was.

“There are limits,” Kevin muttered as he walked up to Nick who was entertaining both AJ and Howie with some strange impersonation of a cartoon character. They were laughing wildly at him and filling up his glass regulary. Intending on getting good ol´Nicky smashed out of his sockets. And they were on their way.

”Come on buddy, I think you've had enough,” Kevin said as he put his hand on the blonde's shoulder. Nick lightened up when he saw who was talking to him.

“Hey Kevy. Come and join us. This is fun!” Nick grinned widely. His eyes were hanging half mast and cheeks were blushed red from alcohol. Slurring, he mumbled while hanging his arm around the tall man's shoulder. “You know..you know I really..really like you.” Turning to the rest of the group he announced happily, “I love you guys. You´re my brothers.” He raised his glass up in air, “Skal or Prost as they say in Europe.” Then he leaned onto the table, “ Howie..is really..really cle..eever.” Nick was having a hard time talking and it was clear that he had too many drinks.

AJ and Howie who were rather drunk laughed too, holding up their glass to Nick, “Well cheers buddy.” Their glass clanked as they celebrated once more.

Nick laughed, taking another mouthful before Kevin took the glass away, “That´s it.” He said and this had the young blonde a bit upset.

“Hey what are you doing? I was drinking that.” He tried to swipe back his glass.

“Not anymore. You've had enough,” Kevin sounded a bit irritated.

“That was mine. I was drinking that,” Nick pouted a bit sullen, but his face enlightened when he saw Brian approaching. ”My best bud!" He called out as he gave Brian a bearhug.

Being the calm person that the Kentuckian was he said, “Hey man, I'm going home now. You coming?”

Nick looked up, eyes red, “Nah dude. Hey you wanna have some?” Clumsily he patted the half full wine bottle and somehow managed to push it out so it fell, contents running over the table and down on AJ´s and Howie's pants.

“What are you doing?” AJ screamed as he stood up when the wet liquid touched his pants.

“Ewww, Niiiiccckkkk!!” Howie was screaming loud, jumping up. Suddenly it wasn´t so funny with a drunk Nick. “Why do you have to be so clumsy?” Howie hurried towards the bathroom to look at the damage that had been done to his designer pants.

“You little fuck!” AJ screamed, “Look at this. Now I´m fucking wet.” He motioned towards his wet pants. ”What am I going to do now?”

“I´m sorry,” Nick stuttered, as he tried to wipe the pants off with a used napkin.

“Don´t,” AJ swatted his hand off his pants, looking crossed. "You´ll ruin it."

Then Nick started to giggle hysterically. “Looks like you peed yourself. It´s freakin’ hilarious.” Hard looks was what he got from the boys for response.

Kevin sighed heavily, ” You definately have had enough now.” Nick didn´t agree with him.

“No.I wanna sit here.” He was stubborn sober and even more stubborn drunk. Not that Nick had been drinking or drunk on so many occassions in his life. In fact he had only been this drunk once and that was last year when AJ had got him to drink dark german beer, Lager. He was so bad off that Brian wanted him to go to the hospital. The day after Nick had blamed his sickness on eating bad food. Hangovers couldn´t be that bad. Could it?

“Yes come on. Time to go back to the hotel.” Brian took a steady grip on Nick who seemed to sway as he stood up.

“Whoaaaaa,” Nick tried to steady himself. He never thought the room could spin so bad. How much did he have to drink?

“You okay man?” Brian was guiding his friend who leaned heavily on him. All the color seemed to have drained from his face and he was sweating badly. Oh no Brian tought and he patted Nick softly on his cheek. “Earth to Nick..you´re doing alright?”

"I don't feel so good," Nick whimpered as he covered his hand on his mouth. "We have to get you outside." Kevin helped Brian getting their friend out in the cold winter air. Suddenly it wasn´t so fun with a drunk Nick anymore.

“Can we just skip today?” Nick moaned as he listened to Brian open drawers and toss clothes onto the bed.

Brian shook his head as he threw Nick’s pants at the young boy laying in bed. “You know we have schedules to keep.”

“But I feel like shit,” Nick pleaded.

“No can do Nick, you did this to yourself so you deal with the consequences of your behavior.”

Dragging himself slowly out of the warm bed, Nick mocked Brian’s last few words “deal with the consequences” with a sarcastic voice, instantly regretting the headache that developed from his movements. Gently placing a hand to his head, Nick questioned outloud, “What the hell did I have to drink?”

“Pretty much the entire bar,” came the short reply. “Get moving!”

“Hey I’m not a morning person,” Nick defended.

Brian’s cell phone chirped bringing another moan from the young blonde. He shook his head. “Yeah?”

Nick half listened to Brian’s half of the brief phone conversation as he slowly got himself dressed. During the call, Brian had to answer the door and he glared at Nick as he made his way over the piles of clothes and video games that were strewn on the floor.

“Sorry I can’t be perfect like you,” Nick mumbled and then stuck his middle finger out when Brian had his back turned.

“I saw that,” he stated quickly as he pulled the door open.

AJ came bursting into the room, tall styrofoam cup of coffee in his hand. Brian clicked off his phone and tossed it onto his bed.

“Yo Nickster, how ya feelin?”

“Judas AJ, I’m not deaf,” Nick snapped.

AJ grinned. “That good?”

“Hungover,” Brian observed.

“Let Doc McLean take care of you son,” AJ mused as he punched some numbers on the phone. “Fix it kit in Littrell and Carter’s room.” Slamming the phone down AJ turned and observed the pale looking teen. “Well, other than the hair of the dog, which I’m sure wouldn’t fly today, I have something else you can do to cure the hangover.”

“I am not hungover,” Nick protested.

“Yeah and I’m the pope,” AJ countered, shoving the coffee towards Nick.

Nick sniffed the the black liquid. “This is black,” he whined.

AJ rolled his eyes. “Ya know not everything comes with chocolate in it Carter. Just drink it.”

“But it’s black coffee,” Nick continued to complain.

“Oh for the love of god,” AJ moaned as he reached for the sugar packets that were set by the courtesy coffee machine on the desktop. “I’m guessing eight packets?”

Nick glared at AJ as he grabbed the sugar from him. He tore open two of the packets and dumped them into the coffee as Brian and AJ watched. When they got involved in a conversation, Nick quickly ripped open three more packets and dumped them in, scrunching the paper evidence up and stuffing it into the front pocket of his jeans.

A quick, quiet knock on the door announced to the room that AJ’s bodyguard Marquis had arrived. Nick eyed the man suspiciously when he entered carrying a small green bag.

“Wha.. what’s he got there?”

“A little something to get you up and on your feet Carter,” AJ rasped.

Nick’s eyes widened when Marquis pulled a syringe out of the bag.

“Oh no, no you’re not gonna shoot me with that thing,” Nick screeched. He was deathly afraid of needles and the thought of someone besides a medical professional giving him a shot scared him even more.

“Wouldja just chill man? It’s a B-12 shot, Marquis gives them to me lots of times. It’s gonna get up back on your feet,” AJ persuaded.

“There’s nothing wrong with me, I.. I don’t need it,” Nick protested.

“Oh come on Nick, just get it overwith and you’ll feel better, besides they’re waiting for us down in the lobby, you’re holding us up,” Brian coaxed.

Nick looked at the bulky black bodyguard, unsure if he wanted the man to touch him with a needle.

“Relax Nick, I’ve done this millions of times, haven’t lost anyone yet,” Marquis grinned.

“There’s always a first,” Nick replied through gritted teeth.

AJ lept onto Nick and pushed him down onto the bed. “Just get it overwith.”

“GET OFF OF ME!” Nick screeched.

AJ made eye contact with Marquis and the man hurried over with the syringe and shoved back Nick’s sleeve, plunging the needle into his upper arm.

“What about alcohol?” Brian asked.

“He’s got enough in his system, don’t worry,” AJ joked.

Brian narrowed his eyes at AJ. “Infection?”

“We don’t have time for that crap. I’m sure sissy ass will be okay,” AJ growled as Nick yelped when the shot was injected.

“DAMMIT AJ....GET OFF OF ME!”

Smiling, AJ hopped off of Nick’s body when the shot was done. “There, that wasn’t so bad was it Nicky boy?” He scruffed Nick’s hair for good measure before Nick jumped off the bed.

Brian looked at the empty syringe and then at AJ. Sensing what Brian was thinking, AJ responded with, “They get disposed of in Marquis’s room, no drug issues or rumors, I have it covered. No sweat.”

Nick sat up on the bed, rubbing his arm.

“Don’t you say a word to anyone about this Nick, no Howie, no Kevin, no management, no one!” AJ growled.

“Grab your coffee Nick, we gotta go!” Brian urged as he held the door open.

“But I have to go to the bathroom,” Nick whined.

“We don’t have time, go at the studio,” AJ snapped. “Come on boy, let’s get going!”

Except for the slight headache, Nick decided he felt pretty good and the hangover was declared history. He shook his head when he thought about the miracle cure that Bone had. If anyone knew about how to get rid of the morning after party hangover, that would be the expert in hangovers - AJ.

“Nick, pay attention,” Kevin growled as he pointed sharply at the sheet music with his index finger.

Nick jumped, shaken from his thoughts.

“As I was saying, this bridge right here is a different sort of melody and it’s mainly Nick’s voice that will be heard with us in the background,” the songwriter stated as she looked at the eyes of the young band members that were gathered around the table.

Nick looked at the young woman appreciatively. She had long, blond shoulder length hair, deep green eyes and an attractive white smile. As he was getting lost in his thoughts about the girl, he felt a sharp jab to his ribs and he quickly drew his breath in as he clamped a hand where the offending blow was delivered.

“Pay attention Nick!” Howie whispered sharply.

“Okay, let’s try a few practice takes on this song before Fatima comes in to work on the video shoot for a new song, okay?”

Kevin leaned close to Nick while the woman was cueing the tape. “Make sure you do this right, I have plans for this afternoon and I don’t need you to screw them up for me, got it?”

Nick stiffened in his chair. “Why the hell are you jumping on me?”

“Because, you always seem to be the one that messes shit up for me,” Kevin pointed out.

Nick met Kevin’s stare with one in return. Their gaze was broken when the music started to play over the speakers. Nick absently fingered the sheet of music that was placed in front of him.

“NICK!” All of the people in the room shouted in unison and the music stopped.

Nick jerked his head up and looked at the irritated faces of his band brothers. “What?”

“If you had been paying attention, you would know that you’re first on the fricken song so you just missed your cue dummy,” Kevin grumbled.

”Soorrry,” Nick breathed, tears stinging his eyes. He wanted to go back to the hotel room and lay down. He didn’t want to be here under the scrutiny of four pairs of angry eyes.

“Let’s just try it again, okay?” the songwriter suggested as she cued the music once again.

The intro played and Nick cleared his throat, preparing to ‘wow’ the guys and prove that he can be relied upon.

’Somebody told me that your not my kind

So have I lost my mind?

You keep on doing all the things I like

You've got me hypnotized

But that's the way I like it ‘

“Whoa... whoa, just what the fuck was that?” AJ moaned, holding his hands to his ears. The music was still playing and once again, all eyes were directed upon Nick.

Nick looked at the group innocently. “What?”

“That sounded like a screeching cat being dragged 300 feet under a car,” Kevin observed, shaking his head.

Nick looked at his older brother, dumbfounded. “Huh?”

“Okay, you’re how old now Nick? Sevent----”

“I’m gonna be eighteen the end of this month,” Nick cut off Brian.

“Okay, puberty was last month guys,” Howie grinned.

“What the hell are you talking about?” Nick croaked, his voice betrayed him.

“What the hell are you talking about!” AJ mimicked, making his voice crack like a prepubescent teen on prom night.

Nick stood up quickly and stormed out of the small conference room.

“And I guess we take five,” Kevin observed as blonde shoved the door open.

“Better make that fifteen,” Brian stated and stood up. “I’ll go see if he’s okay.”

Stomping down the hall, Nick found a sitting area that had a coffee machine, soda machine and a snack vending machine. He decided this was a good place to hide while he tried to calm his emotions. He didn’t want to be caught crying. AJ would ride him for weeks about being a cry baby if he saw him like this.

Reaching into his pockets, Nick pulled out some coins and dropped them into the snack machine. He selected potato chips and a couple of candy bars. Food usually soothed his nerves and he decided that maybe it was just because he was hungry that his voice was messed up.

“Nick?”

Nick jumped hearing Brian’s voice.

“Come on, take your stuff back with me and let’s get this little part of the session overwith and we can take a better break, okay?” Brian suggested.

Nick reluctantly pulled himself off the couch and trudged behind Brian, munching on the potato chips. He was inwardly dreading going back into the room. Nick knew there would be remarks about the singing and he was afraid he wouldn’t be able to keep his composure. True to his predictions, as soon as the door opened, AJ started off.

“Are you done with being a whiney ass?” AJ asked, peering over the top of his sunglasses.

Nick pasted a fake smile and sat back down into his seat.

“Nick, you of all people don’t need to be eating those chips,” Kevin remarked shaking his head. “You’re gonna break out from the chocolate and the grease in the potato chips.”

“Break out? You mean blow up!” AJ cackled.

God, why did they have to pick on me so much? Nick wondered silently. He wanted to be home. At least his parents didn’t tease him about how he talked or walked or what he ate. There was so much pressure put on him lately he wondered if he would ever survive.

“Just start the tape again, please,” Howie intervened.

‘Thank you Howie.’ Nick mentally shouted. Good ol’ Howie, always the peacemaker.

”Imagine, we´re about to make history, guys.” Howie said as he was warming up before tonights concert in Atlanta. It was their first show on their “Backstreet's Back” tour and they were all very nervous.

“Yeah, ain´t it cool,” AJ commented as he looked at Nick who sat silent in the couch. “Right Kaos?” he snapped his fingers in front of the young teen. “You´re spacing out again man!”

“Uh..what?” Nick jerked, then he turned to his friend, “Don´t do that,” he warned.

“Hey dude, you alright?” AJ studied the blonde closer. “You look kind of pale.”

“I´m fine,” Nick murmured, “ As long as you keep your butt ugly face out of my view.”

AJ grinned widely, “Like you´re the one to talk man. Have you seen yourself in the mirror lately? You have a freakin’ double chin man. Those cheeseburgers are starting to show.” He pointed at Nick's face and the blonde gave up a yell.

“I doooo nooot,” Nick said wide eyed as he ran towards the dressing room mirror. Studying himself close up front. A bit disatisfied he noticed that he had his leg pulled again. “Why do you have to say that?” he whined, picking up a shoe, throwing it at AJ, who ducked.

“Kaos you´re so easily fooled that it´s not even fun..” He didn´t have a chance to end the last word when Nick jumped all over him and the “fight” was evident.

“Watch it,” Howie growled as they started rolling on the floor.

“This little shit is going to get it!” AJ yelled as he took Nick's head in a tight grip.

“Sto..stop it,” Nick choked, “Ouuucchhh, leave me alone!” The blonde was fighting for his life. None of the guys had any intention to stop the wrestling match and AJ kept beating on Nick.

“Get off my case!” Nick yelled when AjJwouldn´t let up his grip.

“First say I´m a fat ass!”

“Noooo!!”

“Yes..” AJ tightened his grip around Nick's neck, “Say it!!”

“Let me goooo!!” Nick was starting to sweat and his neck hurt, from AJ´s grip. “ You´re hurting me!”

“Yes let him go," Howie was coming to Nick's rescue, but AJ refused to listen. “Cool it so you don´t sprain something.”

“He just has to say “that he's a fat ass” and then he is off the hook.” AJ grinned as he tried to fend off Nick's kicking legs.

“That´s mean.”

“But true.”

“I´m NOT a fatass!!” Nick yelled, sweat pouring down his back. “Let me go now.”

“Nope, you know the word.”

“NIIICCK, AJJEEE!” Kevin barked as he came into the room. They were too engrossed in the rumble that Kevin had to part them, with his hands.

“Did you have enough?” Bone said, gritting his teeth.

Nick responded gruffly, “Did you?”

Both of them looked like roosters getting ready for a fight and Nick was red in the face from fighting the skinny man. He might be stronger, but AJ was one hell of a fighter and there was not a chance that he could beat him.

“Enough!” Kevin said as he looked at the two.

“It was AJ that started it,” Nick whined as he rubbed his sore jaw. AJ had managed to kick him in his face, accidently, and now he was paying the price.

“I did not," Turning to Kevin he said, “Nick jumped all over me for no particular reason.”

Hearing this Nick felt his anger flare up. If there was one thing he hated was to be falsely accused. “He is lying. That was not what happened, Right Howie?”

The latino looked away, “I´m not saying anything,” he said, contuing with his stretching. He´d learned to back off when it came to fights between the Nick and AJ. They had to clear it up by themselves.

“Why doesn't anyone ever believe me??” Nick yelled when Kevin was starting to bark at him for being immature.

AJ grinned, standing behind Kevin. He had won and this was something he was going to rub in. “Beacuse you´re such a dork,” he whsipered when Kevin didn´t see and Nick was prepared again to hit, “A fat dork!”

“Stop it! God can´t you two behave for like a minute?” Donna said tiredly as she came into the room. Nick looked up, “Don´t look at me. I didn´t start it. Bone was saying that I was fat and..”

“That is beacuse you ARE fat.” Getting a glare from Kevin the skinny man continued, “What? I´m just stating the facts. Nicky is starting to get a bit chubby and it wouldn´t hurt if he laid off those hamburgers for a while.”

“Then what would you eat?” Brian asked, coming out from the bathroom.

“Huh?”

“I mean..if we weren´t suppose to eat junk food, then there would be no Mickey D’s either, you know.” Brian smiled and Nick looked gratefully at him. As if on cue, they gave each other a high five when they noticed that AJ had nothing to say in defense.

“Well the turd can eat vegetables, can´t he?” AJ countered.

“At McDonald's, don´t think so.” Brian was the master of ending a conversation and Bone shrugged.

“Well fatass can eat whatever he likes. I don´t care.” With that he went into the bathroom just to stick out his head again, “God Brian..next time use Lysol.”

Laughter errupted in the room as Brian made a not-so-nice facial expression towards his buddy. First show always made his stomach a bit upset from being nervous.

The concert went off without any mistakes until Nick tripped while doing “Get down.” He fell flat on his ass and all but Kevin started to laugh. Howie was instantly there with a helping hand. Nick ignored it. He felt pretty bad for messing up and was sure that they would scold him afterwards. As if it wasn´t enough, he accidently tripped one more time, hitting Kevin in his stomach AND sang the wrong cue on “All I Have to Give.” He was being a total disaster and red in his face as he continued with the show.

The comments that would come after he left the stage wouldn´t be too nice and he feared for what to come. True to his thoughts, the moment they had gone down to the dressing room Kevin attacked him.

“If you paid more attention to the dance lessons you wouldn´t fuck up so bad,” he commented as he dried himself off with a towel.

“Yeah Nick, what the fuck was that?” Johnny was not pleased and Nick wanted to sink into the floor.

“Leave him alone, it´s our first concert on this tour and we can all fuck up sometimes.” AJ was coming to his rescue and Nick rose his eyebrows. First he had teased him and now he was being nice. Alexander Mclean was one person he could never figure out.

“Yeah and Nicky is tired.” Howie patted the blonde on his shoulder, “It´s no big of a deal,” he whsipered to him, trying to make him feel better. “They'll soon forget this.”

Nick shrugged. He hoped they would, but everytime he did something, like messed up or sang the wrong cue Kevin and Johnny would be on his case. He knew that this was not all his fault and that part of it was because they were tensed up over the upcoming situation with the management. Brian's delayed heart surgery had part of it too and they were all afraid that something would happend with their brother. It was a rough time and the tension affected Nick the most.

“Being tired is no excuse for fucking up like you did Nick,” Johnny barked and Nick felt like a small kid.

“Yeah you make us look bad.” Kevin didn´t spare on his words.

“Sorry,” he mumbled as he sank, exhausted, down on the coach, closing his eyes. He didn´t know how long he had been sitting there but the next time he opened his eyes he had Brian hovering over him, frowning.

“You alright Frack?” he asked as he tried to feel Nick's forehead.

“Yeah, just tired.”

“Are you sure? You kind of blacked out on us.” Howie asked as he too felt Nick's forehead. Kevin, still not happy with Nick for messing up looked at their way too.

“Mhm..” Nick yawned loudly. “I´ll think I will hit the sack early tonight.”

“No can do,” Johnny said with a loud voice, “We have meet and greet and..” He didn´t have time to finish the sentence before all five of them moaned.

“No Johhny, not tonight.”

“Can´t we skip out of it?”

“I´m soooo tired.”

“Yeah, Nick is tired and I think we..we all are tired.” Brian was trying to negoatiate, but it was a futile attempt. Whenever Johnny had set his mind om something it was like moving a mountain with your bare hands. Not possible to change.

“Meet and greet is your chance to meet the fans and interact,” he stated like he had done so many times before.

“We know, it´s just that several of us all totally zonked and..”

Johnny cut Brian off, “Nope. You´ll do it. End of discussion.” The moaning and whining that followed could make a dead man turn himself in the grave from the noise.

“Let me die now!” Nick groaned as he sank on his bed two hours later.

It was 2 am and he had been on his feet since early morning, having a very tight schedule. The meet and greet had dragged out in overtime and when it finally ended Nick wanted to cry from exhaustion. This was suppose to be a real Kick off, being their first US concert and instead he was dead on his feet. Didn´t make sense. Maybe it was the nervousness that he had encountered all day that was letting go of his grip and making him feel so tired afterwards. A tension headache had been escalating and now he was eating asprin like they were M & M´s.

“It´s not that bad,” Brian comforted him, but he was just as tired as his fellow mate.

“Yes it is. Johnny keeps dragging me to meet all sorts of people and even though I said that I was not interested I had to smile and chat with some news paper magnets daughter. All for the PR.”

“I know,” Brian sighed as he moved over to the bathroom to get himself ready. “Hopefully things will get better soon,” He was referring to his discussion with Kevin without revealing anything about their plans. To change the management.

“Doubt it,” Nick muttered as he rolled to his side, rubbing his temples furiously.

Everthing was starting to get to him and if he were honest he didn´t know how he would cope with it all. They had been working non stop on the new dance routine for the show and in between on new tracks for their planned cd. They also had done some video shoots. What really taxed him out was that he also had to do concerts and interviews and photo shoots all the time. There was no time for any personal interests. Heck he didn´t even have time to go to the bathroom at times. The schedule was tight. As if that wasn´t enough he also had to work on his high school grades and the pile of homework that he had to do was scary.

No seventeen old should have to go through this much!

“Turn to your left, that´s it..yeeeesss...move that head a little..yeeess, you, you with the blonde hair. Yessss...blondie..stay there....Goooood!!” The photographer on the photo shoot was arranging them to do a photo session and it was Nick's turn to be the target.

“My name is Nick,” Nick grumbled while the photographer adjusted his cheek. He hated these photo shoots. It made him feel like an animal in a cage.

“What..what did you say?” asked the photographer, “Nooooo don´t move, sit..that´s it.” Satisfied with what he had achived the man pressed the button.

“I said that my name is Nick!”

“Noooo..don´t move, look what you´ve did. Now we have to do it all over again.” The photographer sounded irritated as he walked over to Nick starting to adjust him on the chair. Nick sighed. It was hot and he was tired and thristy. He´d been here much too long. Unfortunatly his stand alone pics had come out bad and he had to do the photo session all over again. The guys tired of waiting had already gone to a nearby resturant and they were eating their hearts out. Lucky them!

“Can´t we take five?” Nick mumbled as he was getting more and more tired of sitting in one position, not being able to move at all. Unfortunately his nose had started to itch something badly and when he couldn´t take it anymore he broke out into a sneezing fit. Much to the photographer's dismay, who also happened to dislike germs of all kind. It was an understatement to say that the man was mildly annoyed over the situation.

“No! I have another session after this and we cant keep doing this all day.”

Nick sighed. His stomach had been rumbling all morning and it wasn´t just from being hungry. There was a need for privacy, but since they were so busy all the time there wasn´t even time to fit in a bathroom break. It sucked.

“That´s it..look into the camera..eat it with your eyes..Yessss...the camera loves you..yesss smile..That´s it!!! Goood!”

After half an hour sitting in the same position, Nick was ready to crawl out of his skin. He was not the most patient one and this was no exception. The camera lights made it unbearably hot, sweat pouring down his back. He had to get out of this hell hole right now or he wouldn´t answer for the consequences. The photographer however had other ideas and he kept pushing him all the time.

“Just one more plate,” he said as he put film into his camera. “That´s it..now..turn to your side, that´s it..No Nick more to your left..Yesss..”

“Isn´t it over soon?” Nick moaned, folding over a bit. The need for a bathroom break was becoming more and more urgent and soon it couldn´t be delayed anything more. “Pleaaaaseee?”

“A few more shots, then you´re done.”

“Okay, okay..make it quick then.” Nick sighed, as he once again took his position. It felt like an eternity before he heard the magic word, “That´s it!”

Not waiting for a signal he jumped off the chair, nearly knocking the camera down in the process. He could hear the photographer cussing behind him, yet he didn´t care. He had to get to a bathroom and fast. As he ran out of the studio, skidding in the hallway, the rubber on the soles of his tennis shoes squealing, he heard his name being called for.

“Nick! Nick there you are.”

It was Johnny that was coming for him. Bad timing as always.

“Where are you going?” the dark man asked as he stopped the blonde. Nick fidgeted. Where did he think that he was going? Out shopping? To the movies?

“Bathroom,” Nick panted, hoping that his manager would get out of his way.

“Well you have to wait,” Johnny stated. Nick glared at him. What was he saying? Why? He didn´t have to wait long until he got the explanation.

“You´re going to do a short press conference. The guys are waiting for you and we´re already late.”

Not me! Not now, Nick mentally said as he was trying to get past the big man. “I have to,” he started when Johnny interrupted him, “You can go after the press conference. Come on now.”

“But..but I really have to go.” He knew that he was whining, but he was starting to have a stomach ache and this was becoming more and more painful.

Johnny shook his head, “Sorry man, but the schedule you know.”

“Okay, okay..I´m going,” Nick said as he followed his manager out. Irritated he thought that he didn´t even get a chance for such a small thing. No privacy what so ever. His stomach was not in the best shape and he had needed that break. Yet it would have to wait. All for the fans!

Nick sighed. All those questions. Generally he thought that it wasn´t that bad but today he was suffering. It was just as hot at the press conference and the journalists kept asking them all these thousand questions.

“So Nick, how does it feel to be the youngest in the group?” one journalist asked as he scribbled down something on the notepad.

He felt the urge to tell the truth, that it sucked and he was sick and tired of always being the one everybody nagged and blamed for things he didn't do. Yet he said with the famous Backstreet smile, “I like being the youngest. The guys all treat me fairly.” A look from Brian said that he was treading on thin ice. That “treat me fair-part” had been a bit exaggerating.

Shrugging, Nick paid no attention to him. He still needed his privacy and sitting here on a hard chair made his stomach ache too. This was turning out to be a bad day and he wanted it to be over with. Unfortunately they had concert night and he had to be in shape for that event.

He listened, smiled and answered questions until he was so fed up that it felt stuck in his throat. Or more likely up his ass!

As soon as the press conference was over Nick didn´t have to wait twice to rush out of the room. His stomach was positively killing him and he had to find the wanted facilites soon or he would be in real trouble. No hurricane, No earth quake could stop him. Fifteen minutes later he left the restroom, a relieved smile on his face. His stomach didn´t hurt so much anymore and actually felt hungry. A positive sign that he was fine and dandy again.

The moment he stepped out of the restroom the comments were pouring over him.

“Did you give birth?” AJ grinned as Nick entered the hallway. "It sure sounded like that!"

Brian laughed as AJ patted Nick on his stomach. “Was it a boy or a girl?” he asked.

“You´re sick,” Nick commented as he took his jacket from Howie who handed it to him. He had forgotten it at the press conference, being in too much discomfort to remember such an unimportant thing.

“Neither,” AJ laughed, “It was a..a turd.” Bathroom humor was something that the guys enjoyed dearly. Especially if the target was a certain blonde,soon turning to be eighteen old, teenager.

“Really? How much did it weigh?” Brian asked with a serious face, a smile tugging at his lips.

“How about..a..a ton.” AJ laughed even more and together with Brian they looked like small kids. Making pranks together.

“Gross,” Howie commented but he smiled too.

Annoyed with the situation, Nick gave them the finger and this was what Donna saw when she came in and saw the scenario.

“Nick, there is no need to do such a thing,” she scolded. When he was about to object to the situation she cut him off, “Shut up, we don´t have time to listening to your complaints since we have to be at a record store signing albums. In fact we should have been there like ten minutes ago if you hadn´t stalled us.” When the words stall was being mentioned both Brian and AJ broke out into uncontrollable fits of laughter.“Yeah Nicky, you made the day totally shitty.”

Nick glared at them. Nothing was a secret for his “brothers”. And there was no chance for privacy. Ever!

Nick narrowed his eyes at all the attention Denise was showering on AJ. All the attention he craved from his own mother. It hit him exactly how homesick he really was. He and his mother didn’t have the relationship that AJ shared with Denise, but the thing that bothered Nick the most was the fact that AJ’s mom was with him 24/7 and his own mom wasn’t. She was too preoccupied with his sibs.

Now he had the difficult task of sucking it up and acting all happy at AJ’s birthday party bash. No expenses were spared for her baby and the tables were filled with the finest foods that money could buy. Bottles of beer and wine were sitting on ice in huge steel tubs that were set at different ends of the hotel lobby.

Easily accessible.

“Hey Nickster, see you found where the food was,” AJ laughed as he clamped a hand onto the blondes shoulder.

“Yup,” Nick mumbled in reply as he kept walking out of AJ’s grip towards a table that was away from everyone. He decided he wanted to be alone in his misery.

To his dismay, AJ flipped a chair backwards and straddled the seat, facing the table. “So, you having fun? Isn’t this a great party that ma put on for me?”

“Just peachy,” Nick replied with a mouthful of food. “Wait until my birthday, my mom’s gonna have a spread like this one too.”

AJ nodded, but his mind was elsewhere as he watched some of his guests enter the room. He abruptly stood up, grabbed his bottle of beer and left Nick by himself.

“Asshole,” Nick mumbled as he watched AJ walk over to a few recording excutives. Denise rushed up to stand beside AJ, fussing over her son. Rolling his eyes, he plowed his fork through the potato salad and started shoveling the food into his mouth.

“Hey Nick, some party, eh?” Howie asked as he took a seat opposite of his band brother.

Nick nodded his head and kept up with his preoccupation with his plate, not wanting to get involved in a conversation with anyone.

“Can’t you at least look at me?” Howie questioned.

Nick looked up from his plate briefly, batted his eyes and then looked back down, scraping the fork across the now empty china.

“Oh really sweet, I’m touched,” Howie joked. “What’s bugging you?”

Nick sighed. “Oh, it’s stupid I guess.”

“No, tell me!”

Nick looked around the room, resting his gaze on AJ’s back. “Okay, how come Denise is being Miss Liquor control around here and AJ gets to drink beer and if I go near the booze Denise barks at me and says ‘Nick’s drinking soda, right Nick?” he mocked in a not-so-flattering voice for AJ’s mother.

“Image maybe? I don’t know for sure Nick,” Howie replied, shrugging his shoulders.

“Well it sucks and I’m not gonna have Denise tell me what the fuck I can do,” Nick decided. “She’s a pain in the ass and she always acts like she’s my mom or something. My mom wouldn’t ride on my back the way that woman does,” he grumbled.

Brian joined Nick and Howie at the table with a plateful of fresh fruit.

“Aren’t you gonna eat any ham?” Nick wondered aloud as he looked at Brian’s choices.

He shook his head. “Nope, I’m limiting my protein intake.”

Stuffing a half of a ham sandwich into his mouth, Nick grinned. “Suit yourself. Howie, go grab me a beer.”

“You can’t have a beer, you can, however, have a soda,” Brian politely offered.

“But I want a beer,” Nick whined.

“You’ll get nothing and like it,” Kevin interrupted as he walked past the table. Nick flipped his older brother off.

“Nickolas Carter!” Denise McLean glared at the young boy and shook her head disapprovingly.

Sighing, Nick slumped back into his chair. He glared darkly at Denise. “God, why can’t she just leave me alone?”

“Because she knows your track record, son,” Howie pointed out. “Hey, where ya going now?”

Nick stopped and spun around. “I’m going back to the buffet table, is that okay with you mother?”

“I thought you already ate, you’re still hungry?” Brian and Howie questioned.

Nick threw his hands up in the air. “Well, I can’t drink so I might as well eat.”

“Now there’s a smart theory,” Howie mused.

“Yeah like Wild E. Cyote, Super Genious versus the Road Runner,” Brian chuckled, shaking his head.

“Aren’t you two keeping an eye on Nick?” Kevin hissed as he leaned over his cousin’s shoulder.

“I didn’t know we were supposed to watch the boy,” Brian replied, brow furrowed.

All eyes were trained on Nick as he walked back with another plate piled high with food.

Kevin patted the back of Brian’s shoulder. “Someone needs to watch him or plan on staying up with him tonight because he’s gonna have one hell of a belly ache if he keeps up. Just do it!”

Howie and Brian exchanged glances.

“Well, he seems to be concerned about Nick but not enough to take care of him,” Howie observed. “Leave anything on the table?”

“Shut the fuck up,” Nick growled, placing a protective arm around his plate of food.

“Seriously Nick, you need to slow down or you’re gonna get sick,” Brian begged.

Only his middle finger was held into the air as his reply to Brian’s pleading.

“Okay, this is just stupid Nick,” Howie huffed as he pushed himself away from the round table. “What kind?”

Brian’s mouth dropped.

“Bud,” Nick replied with a mouthful of food.

“Bud it is, be right back,” Howie grinned.

“But Howie, he’s not supposed to drink,” Brian called after the Latino.

“You’d rather have the alternative? I’m not going to be sitting around with that gas bag after he stuffs himself the whole fricken night!”

Nick belched loudly on cue. “What are you talking about?”

Brian looked like he would throw up at any moment. “That right there, that’s gross!”

Kevin ran a hand through his hair as he stared at Brian and Howie. “You know I gave you two specific instructions about Nick!”

“What we did wasn’t wrong,” Howie defended.

The sounds of wretching carried out of the open bathroom door.

“Yeah and Nick puking his guts out is the aftermath of what you did is okay?” Kevin paced.

“AJ got shitfaced too!” Howie pointed out.

“AJ is Denise’s problem tonight, not ours,” Kevin hissed, watching Nick crawl on his hands and knees out of the bathroom towards his bed. "And you two can spend the night with him since you decided to get the kid drunk."

Howie, not being a fan of someone throwing up winced at Kevin's suggestion. "But..."

Kevin turned as he reached the door. "Have a good night," he smiled, cutting off Howie's protests.

Howie watched the young teen crawling into the bed and grimaced when Nick started burping and moaning. "Thank you Kevin Richardson!"

“You think he'll be fine?” Nick questioned as he stuck his fork into his mouth. They had gone to a local pizzeria down in Orlando in between dance rehearsal. The man in question was Brian who had a doctor's appointment. He was getting the news about his upcoming heart surgery.

“Yeah, I´m sure of it. B’rok is tough.” Howie said comforting as he could, seeing the sadness in his friend's eyes.

“But then what if he is NOT?” Nick felt worried. He had been so scared when he first heard about Brian and his heart problem. The last thing he wanted to happen was to loose his best friend. Brian meant the world to him and without him he didn´t know how to cope.

“Don´t worry,” Howie was there comforting with a hand on the blonde's shoulder. “He will be fine.”

“You think that we will cancel the European tour?” AJ asked after sitting silent for awhile. “I mean if B is going to get operated on he might not be in the best of shape to perform.” They were going to Europe next month on a big “Backstreet's Back Tour” and this was something they looked forward to with mixed emotions. Brian's heart problem had shadowed it all and Nick was the one that was most afraid that something bad would happen.

“Doubt that,” Kevin sighed. He had been sitting quitely listening to the conversation. “Lou talked to B’rok the other day and he said that they couldn´t cancel the show. Too much was at stake.”

“Lou is a pig,” Nick muttered, as he took another bite of the pizza.

“Pig? Like you´re the one to talk?” AJ chuckled.

Glaring, Nick asked, “What do you mean?”

“You. You´re pigging out.”

“I am NOT” Nick felt insulted as he defended himself.

“Yeah, you are. Look at you! You´re eatin’ an extra LARGE pizza,” AJ continued, gesturing at the piece that Nick was holding in his hand.

“I´m a growing boy.” The teen mumbled, pizza crumbs sprayed over the table.

Kevin fanned a hand infront him, “God Nick, don´t talk with food in your mouth,” he lectured.

“Says who?” The teen was in a challanging mood.

“Says me,” Kevin sighed, “You need to learn some table manners.”

“You´re always complaining about me,” Nick whined as he grabbed another piece of the pizza.

“You´re really gonna eat that?” Howie asked as he watched his friend set his teeth into the extra cheezy slice. Like he was starving.

“Yup. You have any problem with that?” Nick was getting sick and tired of always hearing the comments about his eating habits. They had been many since Christmas and the boys were constantly making jokes about his weight.

“No, it´s just that you need to watch what you´re eating.” Kevin was such a health freak, like Howie and suddenly Nick wished Brian was there to help to defend him.

“Yeah dumbass. The girls won´t like it if you look like a greasy piece of pizza.” AJ laughed and Nick gave him the finger.

“Well you look like a fuckin’ tooth pick.” Nick growled as he tried to hit the teasing man.

“Knock it off you two,” Howie was butting into the conversation. “People are looking at us.”

“That is all you care about. If anyone see us at the restaurant,” Nick spat. Howie looked hurt. He was the bands peacemaker.

“Nick, now you´re being unreasonable.” Kevin tried to get the teen to calm down by holding him by the arm.

“Let me go!” The blonde jerked his arm. “You always nag me. Everything I do is crap.”

“Really? Then use the bathroom.” AJ grinned and the boys laughed. It was fun teasing the blonde and they never ceased an opportunity.

“Hey guys,” A voice called out and four pair of heads turned at the direction where the sound came from. It was Brian entering the restaurant and the questions where many.

“Hey B’rok, how did it go?”

“What did the doctor say?”

“When will you do surgery?”

All but Nick was talking, instead he sat sulking in the corner, nibbling the pizza. He had lost his appetite a long time ago and now he was mainly eating to have something to do.

“Hold it,” Brian smiled, “It went pretty fine. The doctor said I had to do surgery this spring and there was nothing to be concerned about. I would be up and going in no time, actually it´s a rather minor surgery.”

“Minor?” Nick opened his mouth, spitting out the words, “You´re calling heart surgery minor? I mean you could die from that you know.” He bit his lip as he had uttered the last words.

“Nick,” Kevin said with an authoritive voice, “That was totally uncalled for.”

“What´s your problem man?” AJ asked as he could see that Brian's face had clouded when Nick had uttered the last words. About dying.

Nick glared. “Well I hope you´re not keeping anything from us. Like you always do.” He was referring to the conversation he heard when they were in Canada. The one that him and Kevin had been talking about the management and the future.

“What do you mean?” Brian asked, looking sternly into Nick's face.

“Ask Kevin he should know.” Nick felt gloom and was upset over the situation in hand.

“Ask Kevin what?” Now Howie was interested too.

“About leaving the group,” Nick threw out the words like they burned him.

“Leaving the group? What are you talking about?” Kevin questioned.

“Yeah man, what are you jabbering about now?” AJ asked, trying to grip the situation in hand.

“I heard you.” Nick didn´t offer anymore explanations and only out of sheer nervousness, started to chew on another slice of pizza.

“Heard what?” Brian was trying to act calm.

“You and Kevin, talking about quitting, leaving the management and stuff.” Now the cat was out of the bag.

“Oh!” Brian looked like he wanted to sink through the floor.

“Is this true?” Howie turned to the oldest in the group, who looked away. Not wanting to answer. “Kevin?”

“Yeah it is!” Nick sputtered. “It is and they were not going to say anything to us beacuse they didn´t know if we could keep a secret.”

“Man, were there mushrooms in the pizza?” AJ was trying to lighten up the mood. It didn´t work. “This dude has to be high,” He slapped Nick's back. All he got was a glare.

“Nick, it´s not..not like that.” Brian's voice was weak, but Nick didn´t buy it.

“Really? This is what I´ve heard and my question is how much are you keeping from us? I mean what if it´s a major surgery and..and..something goes wrong? How am I suppose to trust you when you talk behind our back?” Nick was a master of putting guilt into others and this time it worked brilliantly.

“What is Nick talking about, tell me.” Howie was taking charge of the situation. This had Kevin starting to talk and soon they told the rest of the boys the story about the management. Afterwards all of them agreed that something had to be done.

“You´re telling us that they are ripping us out of LOTS of money.” AJ asked, dollar signs flashing in his eyes.

“Yes, they have the best percentage. Look at us, we're bunking together, spending time at small hotels when we are the one that should be cut the best deal,” Kevin stated.

“I don´t mind sharing,” Nick piped up. The anger mixed with nervousness had calmed down and now he was back at listening again.

Brian couldn´t help but smile. He knew that Nick's fierceful reaction mainly came from being scared. Scared what would happen to him when he went into surgery. Afraid that he would leave the band. The group meant the world to Nick. It was his family. Mentally Brian decided that when the right time came he would talk to Nick about it all. In private.

The conversation went on and Nick continue to chew on the pizza. Soon there were just one slice left and as he reached out to grab it he felt a hand on his hand.

“What?” he asked peering into AJ´s eyes.

“Who´s saying that it´s yours.” He gestured towards the slice. AJ was into teasing again. The other boys watched with amusement.

“Why? It´s my food and I want it.”

“ You don´t think you have had enough?” Kevin asked.

This had Nick upset. “How come we´re talking about management and heart surgery and suddenly the topic is turned into being about me and my eating habits? If I want the food I´ll eat it. End of story.” With that he stuffed the slice into his mouth. Chewing on it, distinctly, mouth open as he chewed.

The rest of the guys frowned with disgust.

“Man, I shouldn´t have eaten that last piece,” Nick moaned as he was sitting in the van, waiting to go to the dance studio. Groaning he held his stomach, “That stuff was poison.” Bending over he tried to find relief for his aching stomach.

“Well no one forced you,” Kevin said with a frown. The blonde was in too much pain to answer and instead he held up a hand, “Wait!”

There were silence as four pair of heads turned at his direction. Nick opned his mouth and then let out a long and loud belch that shook the whole van. It echoed in the small car and AJ burst out laughing.

“Oh sorry,” Nick mumbled as he covered his mouth, a tad too late.

“Jeeze Nicky, can you be any more disgusting?” The Latino called out, schruncing up his nose, fanning with his hand infront of him. The distinctive smell of pizza had filled the van.

“Don´t temp him,” Brian laughed as Nick looked up a bit dazed.

“Way to go bro,” AJ commented as he slapped his friend on his back. This was a bad idea since it started a chain reaction and Nick let out another loud burp.

“Man, what have you been eating?“ Kevin asked, “It smells like something died in here.”

“I have a stomach ache,” the teen complained as he fumbled with the top button on his jeans. He had to get it open or he would surely explode. “Oh that´s better,” he sighed satisfeld as he managed with his task. He sank further down in the seat.

“You alright dude?” Brian asked as Nick closed his eyes.

“Yeah there had to be something wrong with the pizza,” he moaned as he rubbed his aching abdomen.

“The only thing wrong with the pizza was that you ate too much.” Kevin commented, trying to educate him he continued, “You know you wouldn´t feel so sick if you for once stopped and thought about what you were doing.”

Opening one eye Nick peered at his friend, “What da ya mean?” he mumbled.

“You eat too much junk, man.” AJ offered as an explanation.

“Like you´re the one to talk Mr. McDonald's,“ Brian was set to defend his friend.

“Well I didn´t eat an extra LARGE pizza topped with cheese and..”

Nick turned pale, “Don´t mention food,” he moaned.

This had Brian frowning, “That bad?”

All he got was a nod. Nick turned his head towards the cool window. His stomach ached really bad and he needed relief.

“Maybe it´s just gas,” Brian offered, trying to soothe the teen.

“Just gas?” AJ grinned, “ Man B do you know who you´re talking about? This is the dude that makes South Park look mild.” He chuckled.

“Well don´t try to get rid of it in here,” Howie looked like he was thinking of an escape route.

“Don´t worry,” Nick moaned, “I´m keeping it in..although,” he got a mischevious grin, “although it would feel sooooo good to let it out.”

“Man,” AJ pretended to take cover, “Let us know first so we can put on some oxygen masks.”

“That is disgusting.” Howie commented as AJ made a fake fart sound.

Nick moaned again. “Are we there yet? The pizza is ripping my stomach apart.”

Kevin raised an eyebrow. “You feel sick for real?”

A nod. “Yeah, I think I need to lay down.”

“How are you going to manage to dance feeling like that?” Brian wanted to know. Nick shrugged.

“I´m sure I feel better as soon as I get some pepto or something.” He was always trying to see the best in an situation and couldn´t afford the whole dance routine to be fucked up just beacuse he overindulged himself on food. Another belch was heard again and the boys groaned.

“NIIIIICCCKKKK!!”

“Sorry.” And so it continued.

Fatima had been called in more or less in an emergency beacuse the dance routine needed some fixing up before they were going on the European tour. They only had a few days to practice before they were going back on the road again. There were still many shows left before they had fulfilled the American concert dates. It was a sucess wherever they went and everybody wanted them. It was no lie that their schedules were really packed.

“Ok guys,” the driver said, “we´re here.” As on cue the five of them jumped out of the van, that was four boys jumped out wanting fresh air badly. The fifth and youngest member who would soon turn 18 in less than a week, took his time. His stomach was positively killing him and he was starting to think that there might be seriously wrong with his gut.

“I´ve gotta head to the can,” he mumbled as soon as he came into the lobby. With no further words he ran towards the restroom hearing the rest of the guys laugh at him. Nick however wasn´t laughing. He went into the furthest stall, sitting down, hoping to find relief. When no such thing came and he instead started to feel queasy and sweaty he decided that he had to end the pain.

Bending over the bowl, he closed his eyes as he stuck his index finger down his throat. If there were one thing he hated to do it was throwing up. Yet he often felt so much better afterwards and this was what he was aiming for as he stuck his finger as far down as he could managed. He gagged violently, but nothing more happend.

“Aww shit,” he moaned as he desperatly wanted the pain in his gut to stop. He spat in the bowl, feeling dizzy with nausea. ‘Come on,' he urged himself ‘Come on Carter don´t be such a whimp. Do it!’ With that he stuck his finger down his throat again and this time it gave result. The pizza that had been so great devouring colored the water down below. Quickly he flushed the toilet, not wanting to see what was decorating the bowl. His stomach had come into real cramps and he heaved once more. This time there wasn't any need for any help and he felt gradually better as he got rid of the disgusting food in his stomach.

Afterwards, when he was done, he was totally exhausted. Sinking back on the floor, head leaning against the cool tiles, he tried to regain posture. Slowly he realized that he felt tons better again and that the pain in his stomach had lessened. Strangely a great feeling washed over him and it felt good that he had managed to rid himself of whatever it was that was bothering him. When his legs could carry him, he stood up and walked over to the sink. There he rinsed out his mouth from the foul taste and washed his face several times.

The pain was gone and he hurried out to the others.

“Well done Nick,” Fatima commented as Nick did his moves. “I can see that you have worked on the dance routine.” A blah was heard from the rest and Nick smiled widely. Turning to the rest of them she said, “You guys should follow Nicks example when it comes to “We´ve got it going on. Move your hip like he does..yeah baby.” She chuckled as Nick showed the dance move again.

“Man that sucks,” AJ called out, “That move looks like you have shit your pants.” Loud laughter interupted.

Nick turned red in his face. “You´re all jealous,” he stated.

“Yeah on what?” AJ challanged, “On you fatso?” He sounded pissed and if there were one thing that ticked him off it was when someone was being better than him dancing, especially if it was his little brother. AJ was the king of dacne and this was something he wanted it to be.

“Bone!” Kevin gave the skinny twenty year old an eye.

“Uh..I´m just stating the facts, jeeze cool down.” AJ went silent.

Nick shrugged, “He's pissed because he doesn´t get as many girls as I do.”

Nick shrugged, “He's pissed because he doesn´t get as many girls as I do.”

“What?” AJ choked, turning to the rest he commented, “What is this little fuck saying? That he has more babes than me?? Man there must have been something really wrong with the pizza after all. It had to be laced.”

Nick stuck out his tounge just to be hit in his head seconds later.

"Ouccchhh," he rubbed the sore spot

Brian shook his head then he turned to his friend, “Frack, you´re feeling better buddy?”

“Huh?” For a moment Nick didn´t know what he was talking about, then he remembered. Blushing slightly a bit warm in his face he said, “Yeah, you were right it was just gas.”

“Ok, good.” Brian was quick with his words, not wanting any further details.

AJ grinned.

Deep inside Nick couldn´t help to feel a bit ashamed yet good about what he had done. Making himself sick. If he had known what a dangerous path he was about to walk he would have stopped right there and then, but then you can´t look into the future, can you?

"Happy fricken birthday, dumbass", Nick mumbled as he glared at his reflection in the bathroom mirror. "Yeah, you, I was talkin' to you, you big fat dummy!" Staring at himself for a moment, Nick shrugged his shoulders and sighed. 'Yeah, I know pretty much why they went out. I-I don´t blame them either.'

As he walked towards the bed, Nick spied the box his mother had sent him from home. He looked at the note that she had written:

I know how much you love my chocolate chip cookies.

I baked them special just for you sweetheart.

Make sure you share them with the rest of the guys.

Love you and miss you

Mom

Wadding the paper into a tiny ball, Nick aimed for the wastebasket in the corner of the room, completely missing the target.

"Yeah, can´t do that right either, Carter," he grumbled.

After turning on the television, Nick focused his attention to the box of from home and pawed at the brown wrapper, ripping it off with ease. His mouth watered at the site of the cookies laying in the box. There were at least five dozen inside waiting to be eaten.

Laying on his back, feet up against the headboard and the wall, Nick watched tv from an upside down position, munching away - cookie after cookie.

"God, I could go for some milk," he stated outloud looking huge wood cabinet that would house the mini fridge and a stocked courtesy bar.

"Oh boy, jackpot!" Nick yelped when he opened the door and found milk, sodas and juices stockedpiled in the mini fridge. Inside the cabinet there was an assortment of potato chips, candy bars and other convenience food items. 'I can just have a party of my own,' he thought as he started to help himself to the goods that were available.

Deciding on a movie to rent, he called the front desk and placed his order. With all the snacks situated around him, Nick could of cared less that the guys had left him to go out, he found the best company he could possibly have - himself, tons of snacks and homemade cookies.

Life was good.

"How much longer before we bring Nick down?" Brian asked his cousin as he kept glancing over his shoulder.

"God Bri, would ya just chill man? You act like we´re gonna rob a bank or something! Quit being so damned nervous."

Helping Kevin with situating some white wooden chairs, Brian shook his head. "I can´t help it. You should have seen the look on Nicky´s face when I told him we were going out clubbing. He looked heartbroken."

"He´ll get over it once he sees the surprise," AJ reassured.

"Oh, I dunno, you know Nick and his temper," Brian looked at AJ with worry.

"Come on, the kid´s 18 now, don´t you think he´d learn to realize that the world don´t revolve around birthdays? Good god Brian," AJ shook his head. "Now, if we´re done in here, I need to take a break for a smoke."

"You´ve been smoking since we´ve been in this room," Howie pointed out.

AJ peered at Howie over the tops of his sunglasses. "And your point?"

Shaking his head, Howie shrugged his shoulders and walked away.

Kevin checked with the hostess, making sure that the last minute preparations were ironed out and that everything was set to go. He was always a stickler for details and he wanted Nick´s party to go smooth.

"I guess since the majority of the guests have arrived, you can go ahead and get Nicky," Kevin sighed. He quickly grabbed Brian by the arm as the young man tried to make a hasty exit. "Make sure he´s dressed appropriately!"

Brian rolled his eyes in reply. "You´d think I would let Nick come down in sweats or something? Honestly Kevin, you know I know better."

Kevin shook his head. "Yeah I know you do, it´s just that since Johnny and Lou decided to roll this surprise party into a PR event, everything has to be perfect, no bad press."

Brian gave a thumbs up. "Yep, got it. Can I go now?"

"Yeah, you can go, got your room card?"

Again Brian rolled his eyes and produced the card. "I´m not Nickolas!"

"Oh god, I´m stuffed," Nick moaned as he put a hand on his stomach. He felt beyond comfortable and his full stomach was protesting the feeling of the equilivant of eating three Thanksgiving Dinners.

As he laid on his back staring at the ceiling, thoughts kept popping into his mind. All the remarks about pigging out, stuffing himself, chubby kept gnawing at his subconscious.

"Like I care at this point?" Nick defended to an empty room. He moaned again as his stomach once again annouced that it was too full.

Recalling how after he threw up he had felt so much better, Nick decided this was going to be the only way he could get relief and possibly escape his misery. Dragging himself slowly off the bed, he trudged toward the bathroom.

Whistling as he exited the elevator, Brian pulled out the door card to the hotel room he and Nick shared. He was hoping that Nick would be pleased with the surprise party, especially after all the attention that AJ had earlier this month with the party Denise threw for him.

As he slid the card into the slot, he paused when he heard gagging noises coming from the other side of the door. Cocking his head to one side, he listened again.

'This can´t be coming from our room,' Brian mentally debated.

Placing the card in the slot again, he pushed the door open and was instantly greeted with gagging noises again.

"Nick? Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I think I got a flu bug,"Nick replied quietly, sinking down to the floor onto the back of his legs. He barely managed to throw anything up, and still felt like shit.

Brian looked at the mess that was laying on Nick´s bed, the floor next to it, the dressers and the small table that set near the scenic window. "Yeah, must be some flu bug. Oh god Nick, what did you do?"Brian said,shaking his head.

Nick mentally slapped himself for leaving the trail of evidence to his binge in the hotel room."I had a party since no one cared to be with me on my birthday," he defended through gritted teeth.

"It looks like you ate enough here for about twenty people," Brian observed with a frown.

Nick´s face grew flushed from embarrassment and anger at Brians statement. "What difference does it make to you?"

"It makes a lot of difference, you can´t keep doing this to yourself, you´ve been way out of control.."

"Stop it, okay! I don´t want to hear any lectures. It´s my life," Nick rasped. "I´m eighteen fucking years old - I´m a fucking man and I can make my own fucking choices!"

Brian physically cowered when Nick yelled as if the words were hitting him. Nick´s tantrum ended with him laying down ontop of all the wrappers that littered his bedding.

"Nick, you need to come with me, we have a meeting downstairs," Brian stated softly.

"Have it without me, I don´t feel good," Nick whined.

"Nick, please you have to come with me, get dressed!" Brian urged.

"No."

"Come on, if you go down with me no one will know what went on in this room while we were away",Brian begged.

"What I do in my room is my own business!"

"I´ll tell Kevin."

Nicks eyes grew wide. "You wouldn´t, would you?"

Brian simply nodded in reply. This was all it took for Nick to get off the bed and rumage through the pile of clothes that laid on the floor.

"You need to find something clean, okay?"

"There´s some clean things," Nick answered, his head still down tossing a pair of black sweatpants and a gray tee shirt onto the bed.

Brian walked over to the duffel bag that held some of Nicks clothes and pulled out a pair of jeans and a black Nike tee shirt. "Here, put this on."

Eying the jeans, Nick shook his head. "You´re kidding me? I can´t wear jeans, my stomach hurts."

"I don´t feel sorry about that Nick, you did that to yourself. Hurry up!"

Nick took the clothes and stepped into the bathroom. After a few minutes of struggling to get the zipper on his jeans to pull all the way up, he realized that fastening the top button over the top of his distended stomach was out of the question tonight.

"Okay, you ready now?"Brian asked as he turned the television off.

Nick burped in reply.

"Nick that´s gross," Brian grimaced.

" Sorry,I can´t help it," he whined as he followed his older brother to the elevator. "I hope this meeting is short cause I don´t feel good at all."

Nick leaned his back against the wall on the elevator and closed his eyes. It wasn’t enough that his stomach was bothering him, now sweat was coming out of every pore in his body and he could swear he was getting warm from a fever. Although his eyes were closed, he could feel Brian’s eyes on him.

“Nick? Are you gonna be able to make it?” Brian asked, concern evident in his voice.

When Nick opened his mouth to reply, a burp escaped. “Um, yeah I guess.” He opened his eyes and saw the disgusted look on Brian’s face, eyebrow raised in question.

“Sounds like it,” he grinned, trying to lighten up the mood.

Nick shrugged his shoulders. “I guess I don’t have a choice since management is hounding me again.”

The elevator jerked to a stop on the third floor. Nick put a hand on his belly and swallowed.

“You gonna get sick again?” Brian whispered.

Nick slowly shook his head.

An elderly couple slowly got on the elevator - a little too slow for Nick’s comfort. He mentally yelled for them to hurry up.

“Ground?” Brian asked, finger poised over the close door button.

“I don’t know Luther, is the garage on the ground floor? Or are we suppose to see Estelle and Floyd in the lobby? I’m not sure,” the older woman asked her husband in a tiny, sweet voice.

Nick reached around Brian and punched the button to the lobby and then the close door button. “Figure it out after we get off,” he hissed through gritted teeth.

Brian smiled sheepishly at the couple. “I’m sorry, my friend doesn’t feel well tonight.” As Brian finished his sentence, a high pitched squeak came from Nick’s side of the elevator. Thankfully, the couple didn’t notice the noise, but red faced, Brian grinned at the couple. He silently prayed the elevator would get to the floor before the smell would annouce what Nick had just done.

The rest of the short ride was uneventful and Nick practically knocked the couple into the wall to get past them off the elevator. The walls felt like they were closing in on him and he was feeling clausterphobic - usually it was Brian that was clausterphobic, but feeling so bloated and uncomfortable, Nick was having a hard time dealing with anything at the moment.

“Okay, follow me down the hall, it’s in a conference room,” Brian motioned.

“God, wouldja slow down?” Nick whined as he tried to keep up with Brian’s fast pace. “Come on Bri! I told you I didn’t feel good.”

When Brian finally stopped outside of the room, Nick balked as he looked at the double white doors. He shook his head.

Brian tugged at Nick’s arm. “Come on, you’re gonna make us late, what’s wrong now?”

Nick narrowed his eyes as he read the gold plated sign on the doors. “White Lakes Hall. Why are we meeting in a huge banquet hall?”

“Probably because they couldn’t find a room in a short amount of time I guess,” Brian lied.

Nick burped loudly once again, rubbing his stomach.

Brian winced. “Hey, could you try and not do that during the meeting? Management is always onto you about something, don’t give them the satisfaction of giving them more to go on!”

“Sorry, I can’t help it,” he moaned in reply.

Brian sighed. “I don’t know what to tell you, you did this to yourself, maybe you learned a lesson from it.”

Upon hearing the mini lecture from Brian, Nick could only roll his eyes. Catching Brian’s glare, he pushed past his brother and opened the door to the banquet room.

”Suprise!”

Nick slammed the door shut on the roomful of people and quickly leaned his body up against it. Brian reached around and tried to get to the door knob.

“Nick! Have you gone psycho? Open that door!”

Nick shook his head. “No.”

“Yes.”

“No!”

“Yes!”

”NO!”

“Oh, for the love of God, Nick, just open the damn door now!”

Upon hearing Brian use the adjective damn to describe the door, he realized that he had blown a fuse with his older brother and reluctantly opened the door to face the crowd of well wishers.

Nick wanted to crawl under a rock and die. He didn’t feel up to seeing a bunch of people in a room. He felt sick and he didn’t want to be gawked at which was what was happening. He tugged nervously at the black tee shirt he was wearing.

“Hey Nicky, got a seat right here for you,” AJ rasped as he clamped a hand down on Nick’s shoulder.

“Uh, um okay, thanks,” Nick mumbled in reply as he followed AJ towards a round table that was situated in the front of the room. He leaned in towards AJ. “Hey, how come there’s all these people here I don’t know?”

AJ started laughing. “Because it’s a promo party too fatass, you’d think we could get all these people here just for your birthday?”

Nick stared down at the empty white plate in front of him. “Yeah, I guess so.”

“Hey Nickster, happy birthday!” Howie commented as he leaned down and hugged his Backstreet brother. He pulled back and saw that Nick’s face looked anything but pleased. “What’s wrong? Aren’t you surprised? Kevin worked hard on this ya know.”

Nick shrugged his shoulders. “I’m happy.”

Howie continued studying Nick’s face. “I don’t buy that.” He sat down in the chair next to his young friend and positioned it to face him. “Tell me what’s wrong.” Nick didn’t reply, just shook his head. “Spill it little dude.”

Nick glanced around the room full of guests nervously. He shrugged his shoulders again.

“Nick, please, you gotta talk about what’s buggin you, you can’t keep it bottled up, it’s not healthy,” Howie begged.

As Nick finally opened his mouth to speak, a cluster of young female fans stood next to Howie at the table, cameras, pens and papers in hand. Feeling sick to his stomach and now feeling totally worthless, Nick knew he had a job that he had to do and pasted a phoney smile on his face and stood up.

“Ohmygosh, you’re tall,” a red haired girl gushed as she looked up into Nick’s eyes.

Another girl threw her arms around Nick, almost knocking him onto the floor. His stomach still so full and tender, he winced when her body pushed against his stomach. “Ooof.”

After roughly thirty minutes of being cordial to fans and guests, Nick sank back down in his chair. He couldn’t do it anymore, he felt drained. Thoughts of the hotel bed kept creeping into his head. Momentairly forgetting where he was, he burped loudly.

“God, check your shirt Nicky,” AJ laughed, spilling his drink on himself.

“I think it’s time for dinner to be served,” Kevin hissed as he looked at both AJ and Nick. “You two need to be separated.”

“I can handle myself fine, it’s dumbass there you’d have to worry about for the big bad PR,” AJ rasped.

Instead of feeling good about himself and the fact that he turned eighteen and was having a party thrown for him, Nick was feeling more and more worthless. He was practically beating himself up mentally and letting all of the remarks AJ normally threw at him, to heart.

“Good let’s eat, I’m starving,” Nick announced. Brian’s mouth dropped open. He didn’t say a word as Nick ate everything from the salad to the main course. Knowing how full Nick was, he couldn’t believe that the kid had any room left for a cracker let alone a three course meal.

To Nick, the eating was his way of dealing with the millions of emotions he was feeling at the moment. Feelings of lonliness, rejection, self esteem hitting rock bottom. Food had always been a source of comfort and he had decided that since he would be busy eating, no one would force him into a conversation and there was no way he would be required to say anything therefore he wouldn’t be able to make another stupid comment that would be thrown in his face for the next several months. At this very moment, he hated himself and he hated being involved in the so-called birthday party that had been thrown for him by management.

“Judas Nick, you look like you’re pregnant!” AJ joked as he rubbed Nick’s slightly swollen stomach.

Nick swatted AJ’s hand’s away and flashed an angry look. “Don’t do that!”

“God, touchy?”

“I just said don’t do that, okay?” Nick stated with a clenched jaw.

Suddenly, the crowd erupted into a chorus of “Happy Birthday” and all attention was on Nick sitting at the round table with his band brothers. Cameras were flashing and people were applauding.

Four men walked out of the kitchen area pushing a five tiered chocolate cake with eighteen candles on a stainless steel cart.

“Oh god,” Nick breathed. He had forgotten about the birthday cake. He really needed to escape this, he felt so sick to his stomach and now here was this cake that they would expect him to eat a piece of. He leaned forward as best as he could and reached underneath the table to undo the to button on his jeans. Once that task was accomplished, he felt a little better. He barely listened to Kevin’s speech, but was thoughtful to keep a stupid grin on his face the whole time that Kevin spoke.

“Nick?....yo, dude!” AJ rasped, waving his hand in front of Nick’s face. “You’re spacing out!”

Nick quickly jerked back into reality, his face immediately turned bright red. He looked at AJ. “Huh?”

“Wanna blow out the candles so you can cut this mutha?” AJ whispered.

Nick shifted nervously in his chair. Taking a deep breath, he nodded and stood up, ignoring AJ’s snickering. The crowd chanted in anticipation for Nick to blow the candles out: ”one.......two........three!”

Along with air being expelled as Nick tried to blow out the candles came a huge burp. Clamping a hand over his mouth, Nick bolted from the room, nearly knocking a surprised Johnny and Lou down in the process.

Nick ran down the hall towards the elevators, tears now streaming down his flushed cheeks. He could hear the footsteps behind him and tried his best to outrun whoever was following him.

“Nicky! Wait up!”

The only lucky thing that Nick had happen to him tonight was that an elevator car was waiting. He quickly slipped on and punched the number to the floor he needed. The doors closed as Howie stood on the opposite side.

Nick wanted to be alone. He didn’t want anyone near him.

He did nothing but fuck up for the group.

”I am sooo tired,” Brian moaned as sank down beside AJ at the breakfast table. Rubbing his eyes frantically he tried to wake up. But it was no use. His body felt like lead.

“Yeah? How come?” Howie asked as he sat down on the chair, setting his full plate on the table infront of him.

“Well let me put it this way..there is NO way you can sleep when you have Nick running to the bathroom all night, making the most horrible noises that one can ever hear.” He wrinkled his forehead in disgust.

“Ewww that sounds nasty,” Howie agreed, “he was in no shape yesterday at all.”

“No, he wasn´t.” Brian sighed, then yawned loudly, “Sorry man,” he appologized.

“What a bum to catch the flu at this point. On his birthday and all,” Charles the drummer in the band said as he shook his head from pity.

"If the dude at least could have been drunk so it could have been worth it," AJ pondered, getting an eye both from Brian and Howie.

"What?" he asked, holding up a hand he defended himself, "I was just stating facts."

"The flu always sucks," Peter, their bass guitarist said., "Nick looked pretty bad off. I almost felt sorry for him," he grinned, "almost."

‘Yeah right,’ Brian thought. Even if he wanted to tell the rest of the guys about the bingeing he wasn´t about to do so. Deep down inside he felt a bit bad since Nick had gotten so sad when they said that they were going clubbing. The arranged surprise party had become a disaster Nick wise. He slapped himself mentally for not listening to his friend when he told him that he wasn´t feeling well at all. Yet he had pushed him, both from wanting to surprise him, but also from being pissed over the way Nick abused his body. He was no health freak but had the highest respect for the body feeling that it was a sacred place that one should take good care off.

“Man, helllloooooooo,” AJ shouted, waving a hand infront of Brian, “Anyone there??? Youuu hoooo?”

“Knock it off,” Brian swatted his friend's hand away like it was an annoying fly.

“Dude, you were spacin’ out like Nicky boy.” AJ grinned as he peered over his glasses, “By the way where is fatass at?”

“Sleeping.”

“Well he better get his ass up now,” Kevin said as he came into the room. “ Johnny and Lou are upset over the way he behaved yesterday and they want to have a loooooong talk with him.”

“Oh crap.” AJ shook his head. Now he knew that Nick was in for another round.

“Nick is in no mood to talk right now.” This was truth since he had left the blonde moaning in bed, still having an stomachache from overinduging himself.

“Yeah the flu can be rough,” Charles agreed.

Howie who also knew the secret shook his head. He had been very disgusted with the blonde and seeing all those candy wrappers as well as cookie crumbs had his stomach rumble. “Nick needs to stop eating so much,” he mumbled getting a surprised glance from the rest of the boys.

He could swear that Brian looked at him in a certain way, like he knew what was up with their friend. Nick always overdid everything. Whether it was being emotional to pigging out it didn´t matter. He was either high or low and resembled that Energizer Bunny from the commercial. He was energetic until his battery suddenly died down and there was no way in getting energy into the dude.

“Yeah, but I pretty much doubt that he will be in for any food today,” Brian said as he took a sip of his tea.

“Or cookies.” Howie added. This comment had Brian looking over at the Latino. Did he also know about Nick's binging? He tried to catch his eye, but Sweet D’ just looked away.

“Either way, he has to get up now because we should leave for Kansas city soon.” Kevin concluded, “and like I said, management wants to have a word with him.”

“Okay,” Brian stood up, pushing his full plate away. He had no appetite this morning and all he could stomach was tea and some toast. Being up all night always had Brian's system go haywire and he didn´t function properly on too little sleep or food. That made him grumpy and in the end sick. Brian Littrell needed his beauty sleep!

“Where are you going?” Howie asked, rasing an eyebrow, “you´re not gonna eat that?” He gestured with his fork towards the food that Brian had left.

“No,” Brian shook his head, “I´m not that hungry, besides I´m going to get Frack up and that is a task that won´t be easy.”

"Yeah," AJ grinned, "you better bring an oxygen mask. The way Nicky looked you might need one."

"Lethal waste." Charleds added and they all laughed out loud.

"More like Nulclear waste." Brian smiled too.

After making a few jokes, Kevin was the one that had them back to seriousness again. “You need to eat cuz, we can´t afford you to be sick on this upcoming European tour,” he said with a frown.

Brian glanced at the Kentuckian. Kevin always had a hard time expressing his feelings. He knew deep inside that he was very worried over the upcoming heart surgery, even if he didn´t say that out loud. To tell the truth so was Brian too. Worried. What if something happend? What if he didn´t make it? The thoughts swirled around his head and these days he felt pretty moody. He knew that he was not being much comfort to Nick who seemed always to be moody as well.

“I will, well I´m getting Nick now so we can leave.” With that he walked out of the breakfast room, leaving the rest discussing the way the youngest member had acted at the surprise party. Nick was always a topic for discussion. Good and bad.

Brian hesitated slightly before stepping in to their room. There were no sounds which indicated that Nick must have fallen asleep while he was away. It was dark since the curtains weren´t set aside and the smell of sickness lingered in the room. He pinched his nose since it didn´t exactly smell like roses. Walking over to the bed he saw that Nick was fast asleep, curled up into a ball. He was covered up to his neck with the bedspread and all that was showing was a piece of blond tousled hair. A moan was heard which had Brian hunching over on his knees.

Nick looked like a small boy, not the eigthteen year old that he was.

“Nick,” he murmured softly as he tried to get the teens attention. A slight movement, but not enough to wake his friend up from the fitful sleep that seemed to have him in his grip.

“Nick,wake up.” This time Brian shook him lightly, “Come on man.”

A groan was heard then a pair of blue eyes opened up, staring at him, “What time izzit?”

“It´s past nine. Nick you have to get up we have to to get on the bus.”

All that was received was a loud groan, “Not the bus!” His voice was raspy and Brian felt sorry for him. Nick was in no shape to go on a long bustrip.

“How are you feeling now?” he asked as he pulled the covers away.

“Like crap,” The covers were pulled up again, “I´m freezing.”

“I know,” Brian was silent for a while, “ But you better get started since both Johnny and Lou want to have a talk with you.”

Another loud groan.

“Nick?”

“ Not that too,” his voice sounded pitiful. ”I can´t take this!” A sob was heard and then he put his head under the pillow. “I feel so bad.”

“I know, I know.” Brian whispered. Even tough he felt that this was all due to Nick's own doing he still hated to see his friend so miserable. Standing up he glanced over the room,which was cleaned up from last nights events. Seeing what he was searching for he picked up the black sweats and the tee-shirt. “Is this ok?”

Nick peered up from his cocoon. A short nod, ”Yeah, I don´t want anything that touches my stomach.”

“That bad?”

“Mhmmm..” The teen sat up in bed, wincing, “ I feel like my inside are about to rip apart.”

“Did you get to puke some?” Brian asked frankly. The fact that Nick had been heaving and gagging without no results the whole night and morning had him a bit concerned. Usually Nick found it very easy to get sick, but this time when he needed the most relief it was like his body betrayed him and instead left him in a great deal of pain.

“Almost nothing.” Then he said, “So management wanna have a talk with me, you didn´t say anything to them did you?” He narrowed his eyes to Brian, “you know..about me eating and all.”

Brian shook his head, “No, but Howie knows.”

“Yeah he was with me yesterday when I,” A loud belch interupted his speech, “ahhh that felt good,just what I´ve been waiting for.”

“Nick!” Brian wasn´t squimish but hearing sounds like that in the morning made his stomach churn. From his point of view he thought it was sufficent enough that Nick was the only one enduring an upset stomach.

“What?” The teen rubbed his stomach, “Gosh I feel like an balloon. Now if I just could fart..”

“Nick!” Brian couldn´t help to grin. His friend was always so carefree with everything, including his bodily problems. “You were saying something before..”

“Huh?” The blonde looked puzzled, then he said, “Oh that..well D was here, he followed me and he saw it all.I hope that he doesn´t say anything to Johnny OR Kevin.”

“He won´t.” Brian reassured him. If there was one thing Sweet D’ never did it was talking behind someones back. In the early days he could be such a Goody two shoes, but not these days. Howie had matured and he was a great listener. In fact Brian often went to him to discuss different kinds of problems. He was the bands shrink.

“God,” Nick stood up, bending over slightly, “I´m still full,” he complained as he picked up his clothes and made his way to the bathroom, slamming the door behind him in the process. The sounds that followed were nothing but low. A relieved, “I needed thaaaaaat” soon followed which had Brian laughing. Apparently his problems were solved.

Nick could be such a gas.

”What´s all the commotion about?” AJ asked as he motioned with his tumb towards the loud yelling in the backroom. He´d just done another show and was dead on his feet from exhaustion. Sweat poured down his back and he wiped his face off with the white towel hanging around his neck.

“Management is telling Nick off,” Brian said with a sigh as he uncapped the lid of the waterbottle and took a mouthful. He was just as tired as his friend, even though they had made a success that evening.

“No shit? Couldn´t they at least have given the kid some space?”

“Johnny and Lou thought he fucked up when he hit the wrong cue on some places at tonights show,” Kevin explained.

“Yeah figures. They knew that Nick was in no shape to perform tonight,” Brian said, closing his eyes. He too had been in no shape to perform, much due to lack of sleep. Even though he knew that Nick felt like shit he still had to admire the enthusiasm that the blonde put in to his performance. Okay, he had done some small mistakes, yet it was nothing to discuss since preforming with a stomach ache was one thing that sucked. That he knew from first hand experience.

Turning to Kevin he said, “I don´t think it´s right that management nags at Nick all the time. We better do something.”

Kevin shook his head, “No it isn´t," he said with afterthought, “still what can we do? Not much since it´s their call and really..Nick messed up..he is starting to slack at so many points.”

“Well he is just a kid. A teen,” Brian sighed. “Nick has his own worries and they should show him support instead of knocking him down everytime he does something that displeases them.”

“Yeah you´re right. They need to cut him some slack.” AJ agreed.

“I swear sometimes Nick has me a bit worried,” Howie said with a frown.

“Why?” Brian looked up, catching a glance at his cousin. He felt the same as Howie, he guessed they all did yet they kept their faces. Played the charade.

“I don´t know..but I have a bad feeling about him. He was way too young to start in this business and it´s been hard on him you know. Being away from his family, touring and all. A kid his age should be with his family and not running around the world all the time. Pleasing others."

Three pair of eyes stared at the Latino who had uttered the words. All with different comments.

“I was just as young when I started,”AJ defended.

“Yeah?” Brian laughed, “and look how you turned out to be.” He got a hit on his head by the young man.

“Jerk.”

Brian grinned.

“Really Nick knew what he was getting into when he went into this business. He knew that he wasn´t in for a picnic. All he has to do is to hit the right notes. How hard can that be?” Kevin hated it when something was not going smoothly at the concert. He wanted it all to be under highest perfection.

“Yeah, but if you had to preform feeling as bad as Nick did tonight you would miss cues too,” Brian gave his cousin an irritated glare.

All he got back was a shrug.

“Think we should talk with Johnny and explain that things are a bit rough for Nicky right now?” Howie was genuinely concerned over the way the blonde had acted the past weeks. It was like something really bothered him and he was not in the best of shape either. The cookie bingeing that he had been in for last night also had him a bit frightened. He had a friend that had been into the same behavoir and there were some resemblences to what Nick was doing. The friend had an eating disorder that nearly killed her. He didn´t want to say that Nick suffered from such a thing, as far as he thought the teen overate too much.

“Yeah and what good would that do?” AJ sneered, “Like if management even listened to us.”

“Well we can´t just leave it. Nick is our buddy.”

“Where are you going?” Kevin said as he saw his cousin standing up to go over to the room where the noises came from.

"Well someone got to talk with Johnny and Lou. It´s not fair that Nick is getting all that crap." They heard upset voices coming from the room behind and judging for it the teen was in for a real treat. In a not-so-good way.

“Brian leave it alone,” AJ commented.

Howie nodded too as he grabbed the young mans arm, “We all know that you care for Nicky. But really it won´t do you any good if you go up and defend Nicky right now.”

“The kid is eigthteen years old for crying out loud. He needs to learn to take his responsibilites some time.”

“Kev, why do you always complain about him?” Brian felt upset.

“I do not.” The darkhaired man was stubborn, “ It´s just that he isn´t acting his age at all and I get fed up with him screwing up things all the time.”

“Now you´re not being fair.”

“Stop fighting. It won´t help Nicky.” Howie tried to steer off the impending argument. To no use. Soon both Brian and Kevin were involved in a heated argument over the way Brian thought that the rest of the guys treated their youngest member. Mainly Kevin.

“Will you two ever stop? Jeeze! Cool it.” AJ said when the volume of their voices gradually rose.

“Fine!” Brian said, “If you think that Nick is that stupid, why do you ever bother to be around him?” He narrowed his eyes towards the older band member.

“I didn´t say that.”

“Yes you did, you said...” And the fight was at it again. Suddenly their argument interrupted abruptly by the boy in question rushing in.

“I hate it..I hate it all.” He yelled as he ran into the bathroom, locking the door behind him. They could hear sobbing on the other end and Brian was the first one that sprung into action.

“Nick, Nick..open up. What is it?” He knocked on the door, trying to get his friends attention.

“G-go away,” the teen sobbed, making no move to open up.

“Buddy, what is it?”

“I HATE YOU! LEAVE ME ALONE!!!”

A bit surprised over the sudden outburst that came from their youngest member they looked at each other. Had Nick heard their argument? What had happend with the management?

Even tough Kevin had made his comments over the young blonde he still felt very worried. This was not like Nick to be this moody. He didn´t want to admit it but the kid was close to his heart. Closer than he ever expected anyone to be. Maybe this was one of the reasons why he picked and nagged at Nick all the time? Because he felt so much for the kid and was afraid that he would screw up. Not cutting it in the business that he was in.

“Nick!” Kevin said with a soft calm voice, “Open up. Let us talk to you.”

“GO TO HELL!”

“NICK!” Brian seemed shocked over the rude comments that fell over his friends lips.

Kevin was not. "Calm down..hush.." He motioned towards AJ to get something to open the door with. He had to get Nick since he didn´t know what the teen would do. For the first time a frightening feeling that he would do something bad rinsed over him. Like rain in a thunderstorm.

The silence was suddenly interrupted from a gagging noise from the other end of the door. Then the sound of their friend violently heaving into the bowl.

“What the fuck?” AJ shook his head in surprise. The others looked just as startled. This was not something that they had expected.

Purging over and over again, Nick tried to get his feelings in check. He felt like shit and his stomach cramped up violently as he expelled the little that he had eaten through out the day. The concert had been mostly a blur and his stomach was still sore from the constant abuse that it had been through last night. He knew he had fucked up during the concert even tough he didn´t think it was as bad as the management said it was.

Lou and Johnny had chewed him out really good. They had told him that he was starting to slack and also that he was fucking it all up. The thing that hurt the most was that they had said that he was starting to get fat and needed to loose some weight or he would become unattractive and in this business it meant that he wouldn´t get any fans. They said he was looking bloated and they threatned to have him on water and lettuce if he didn´t go on a diet. He had to stop stuffing himself full with candy and junk food.

It didn´t matter how much he tried to defend himself, they still wouldn´t listen. They even complained about that he was still having zits and that his skin looked like a crater. This wasn´t fair. 'Ok he had a few zits here and there but then tell me what teenage boy that didn´t have that,' Nick thought miserably.

He had stood there. Taking in it all. The mental abuse in total silence. Trying to defend himself had been useless. They didn´t listen. They never did. Instead they had dwelled over and over again over the mistakes that he done and how he looked. Not a word had been mentioned that he was almost working 24/7, up and about all the time. Smiling, singing, smiling, hugging fans and pleasing them all.

It hurt! The pain was so strong that he wanted to lay down and die. Instead he bit his lips and swallowed it all down. His stomach ached more and more as they kept on yellig at him. Tears were stinging his eyes and it seemed like everything he did was fuck up. Badly

They had called him a spoiled brat. Last nights promotion party, that they had called his own birthday party, had been a total disaster. They accused him that it was his behavoir that had done so one of the upcoming sponsors had dropped out of the business deal. Claiming that he didn´t want to invest money in a group that had such an immature member.

What also ticked him off was the way they told him that Fatima said that he was missing at the reaharsal. That he showed no enthusiasm and now both Johnny and Lou questioned if he was really fit to go on the European tour. They reminded him that there were easily other good looking singers that could replace him with a blink of an eye. A singer that wasn´t as stupid and fat as he was.

It was like they had stored up all bad feelings about him and then let it out. All at the same time. As the scolding continued he felt more and more usless.

His self confidence hit rock bottom. How could the mangement that had so much believed in him, being their prize moneymaker and all, turn their backs against him? Calling him immature and a looser. It hurt!

But what upset him the most was that after he was going to go to his brothers for comfort he overheard the argument that they had about him. Mostly Kevin and Brian!

He didn´t hear it all but what registered his mind was that they thought he was immature and fucked up all the time. At least Kevin thought so. He was sick and tired of always having to please everybody. Always having to be PERFECT!

It was these feelings that left him feeling nauseous and having him vomit over and over again.

“Nick, come on dude. We wanna help you.” He could hear Brian's desperate plea for him to open up. Yet he ignored it, closing his eyes. Heat rushed over his body as he leaned over once more. His stomach was anything but calm and once more he gagged. The more that left his body the better he felt.

Totally exhausted, crying, he leaned back against the cool tiles when his stomach had nothing more to heave. The bitter taste of bile burned in his throat and his ears were ringing from the task he had endured. His “brothers” were outside and he could hear them talking to each other. Yet he didn´t care. A feeling of warmth was slowly creeping up on him and even if he was sick as a dog he still felt satisfield.

For the first time in life he was in control. Of his own feelings.

"I don't wanna, just go without me," Nick begged as he rolled away from AJ's voice, drawing the covers up tighter against his neck.

"You have to, there's no want to in this Nick!"

"I don't care," Nick whined.

"Yes you do care. We let you sleep in this morning and skip breakfast, which I'm still having a hard time figuring out that you, of all people would want to skip breakfast," AJ said half to himself as he jiggled the door knob. "Come on, get your lazy butt over here and open this door!"

Nick slowly dragged himself out of bed and quickly unlocked the adjoining door and dove back into the bed. He moaned when he heard AJ opening and slamming dresser drawers and then as the clothes hit his body when they were thrown on the bed.

"Now, do everyone a big favor and get your ass out of bed so we can get this PR meeting over with, comprende?"

Nick didn't have to look at AJ's face when the words were directed towards him, he could tell by the sound of the man's voice that his face showed anything but sympathy. He dragged himself out of bed and wandered towards the bathroom.

The chiming of Nick's cell phone pierced the silence.

"Catchy ring," AJ teased, rolling his eyes.

"Tell them I died and went to hell!" Nick leaned out, toothbrush sticking out of his foamy mouth. "I don't want to talk to anyone."

AJ rolled his eyes again and clicked on the phone. "Yeah?.......nope don't worry, I'm making progress, he's brushing his teeth.....The kid's gonna get dressed and we should be down in about 5." AJ folded the phone back up and tossed it on the bed. "Three guesses who that was."

"Kevin."

"Wow, right on the first try, I'm impressed! He said hurry your fuckin' ass up, people are waiting."

Nick sighed. "He didn't say fuckin' ass."

AJ cocked his head to one side, lowering his trademark sunglasses as he watched Nick fumble with the buttons on his shirt. "True, but seriously, Kevin is way too business like all the damn time."

"I think it's got something to do with Kentucky or something, cause Brian's the same way."

AJ folded his arms impatiently across his chest. "Hey are you ready yet? I'll call in detail so we can go," he offered as he started to walk towards the phone.

"Skip security, I really doubt there are any mobs of fans out there waiting for us right now, besides, we haven't been here in this hotel that long," Nick protested.

AJ shrugged his shoulders. "Suit yourself, but if we get nailed, it's your fault and I'm not bailing your ass out, it's gonna be every man for himself."

Nick ducked his head out the open door, looking right and left down the hall. Satisfied that there wasn’t anybody around, he motioned with his hand. “Coast is clear, let’s go.”

“I thought you weren’t worried,” AJ called out, amusement playing in his voice.

“I wasn’t, but a guy can never be too cautious,” Nick replied as he punched the elevator button.

The elevator ride was uneventful and when it was time to get off the car and walk to the conference room, Nick lagged behind. AJ turned around and grabbed the young man’s arm and jerked him towards their destination. “I don’t have time for this shit Nick, I’ve got plans to go shopping with Howie, don’t fuck this up for me again, okay?”

Walking into the conference room, Nick felt all the eyes directed at him.

“So glad you could finally grace us with your presence, Nick,” Johnny hissed as he motioned for them to sit down.

Nick forced a smile. “Sorry.”

“I’ve taken the liberty of having this meeting catered, so I’ve ordered your lunches ahead of time, I’ll go let the kitchen know we’re ready to be served,” Johnny advised, and left the room.

“I’m starving,” Nick remarked, rubbing his stomach, which seemed to growl in reply.

“Don’t get your hopes up, hotel food sucks,” AJ pointed out and with tightwad Lou and Johnny taking care of expenses, we’ll probably have grilled cheese and potato chips.”

“That’s fine by me, I’m starved,” Nick repeated.

Johnny re-entered the room flanked by two women from the kitchen carrying trays with covered platters on them. Johnny laid blue folders at each place setting and talked as he walked around the table. He stopped briefly and whispered to one of the women and gestured at the table. The woman nodded and walked over towards the table with two platters in her hand.

“The folders I’m handing out to you, outlines our schedule for the next six months. It also outlines the expectations of how you are to conduct yourselves during the tour as well as the tour schedule and venue list,” Johnny droned in a mono toned voice.

“Well, well, well, it ain’t grilled cheese,” AJ grinned as he lifted the cover off his plate.

Nick’s mouth watered as he looked over at AJ’s plate that held a cheeseburger, french fries and sliced pickle garnishes. Rubbing his hands together, he eagerly lifted the cover from his plate. The smile that was on his face two seconds ago, vanished. Instead of looking down at a delicious, greasy cheeseburger, Nick’s eyes were met with a tossed salad, cup of dressing on the side.

“Salad?” AJ cackled as he looked at Nick’s plate.

Nick quickly looked around the table and noted that each of the guys had cheeseburgers. He narrowed his eyes at Johnny. “Is this some kind of a joke or something?”

Johnny plunged several fries from his own plate into ketchup and shoved them into his mouth. “No it’s not, is there something wrong with your plate?”

Feeling the tears stinging in his eyes, Nick bit his lip, trying to keep his emotions in check. He looked around the table again and back again at his own plate. Suddenly, all the words that were spoken by Lou and Johnny rang through his mind. He scooted his chair back and jumped up, knocking the chair over.

”Hey! We’re not done here, where are you going?” Johnny called out as Nick fumbled with the handle on the door and shoved it open.

Brian made an attempt to go after Nick, but the firm hand that was placed on his arm by Kevin, held him back in his seat.

“Let him go,” Kevin stated in a quiet voice.

Darting out of the front entrance of the hotel, Nick ran as fast as he could, ignoring the shouts and screams of fans that had camped out by the door. His goal was only halfway down the block and Nick knew that he was taking a big risk going outside without any detail going with him, but this was something he had to do on his own.

Yanking the door open to the McDonald’s and brushing past surprised people, Nick approached the counter, an entorage of fans behind him.

The older woman that stood behind the counter didn’t recognize Nick and seemed a bit baffled by the throng of anxious teens that stood in a cluster behind him. She was the manager and looked around him for a moment.

“Is there a bus?” she asked.

Nick looked at her puzzled. “What?”

“Did all of you come on a bus?” she repeated her question.

Not realizing the woman didn’t know who he was, Nick rolled his eyes. “Yeah we came on a bus.”

Upon hearing Nick’s response, first the woman mumbled “crap” and then she turned around. “I need twenty patties and 4-1 fries!”

Nick shifted the weight on his feet nervously. “Whoa.... whoa, I just want some cheeseburgers for myself.”

“I know, I’m ready to take your order,” she stated with a phoney smile as she held a finger over the keys.

“Okay, three double cheeseburgers, two supersize fries, large chocolate shake and three apple pies, to go,” Nick responded, pulling his wallet out of his back pocket.

After the money was exchanged, Nick waited nervously as the order was prepared. He didn’t dare turn around to see what was behind him.

“Are you getting something for AJ?” a young voice nervously called out from behind.

Nick closed his eyes and shook his head.

“I bet he’s picking stuff up for all the guys,” another voice decided.

“Why is he ignoring us? I thought he was nice to the fans!”

“Maybe he wants to be left alone!”

As the bags were placed on the counter, Nick quickly scooped them up and made a hasty dash towards the exit, pushing past the swelling group of girls that practically filled up the lobby of the restaurant.

Ignoring the stitch of pain he was getting in his side from running, Nick continued his sprint towards the hotel and raced through the lobby towards the elevators, girls running behind him, hotel management yelling at the group.

Gasping for air as he waited, he debated about taking the stairs to his room but dismissed the thought when he realized he would have to go up nine flights of steps. The elevator finally arrived and Nick dashed in, and quickly pressed his floor number then a couple of extra numbers above his floor to throw the girls off.

He was relieved when the elevator finally arrived on the ninth floor and Nick walked calmly to his room, juggling the bags trying to slide the room card in the slot. Once safely inside, he flipped on the television and laid his treasure across the bed.

At first Nick was eating to satisfy his hunger but after the second cheeseburger, he was full. Thoughts of his private meeting with Lou and Johnny echoed in his head. Pushing himself past full, Nick continued eating, not caring about the consequences.

Pissed off about the entire meeting he had with Johnny and Lou, every bite Nick took was his way of fighting back at management.

“How the hell can fatass Lou judge my looks?” Nick tearfully commented outloud. “Fuck him!” he spat angrily and shoved another mouthful of food into his mouth.

Past comments from AJ also crossed through his head. “Fatass? You’re the fatass you skinny freak!” Nick sneered and then shook his head. “That didn’t make sense,” he commented to himself.

Looking around the bed, turning over bags and wrappers, Nick discovered that he had eaten everything he ordered. He felt uncomfortably full but he didn’t care. Nick felt sleepy and decided to lay back and take a nap, figuring that after a few hours he would feel better.

Not knowing what to expect when he entered the room, Brian inched the door open and closed it softly behind him. From where he stood, he only saw Nick’s feet covered in white socks. As he moved further into the room, his breath caught in his throat.

“Oh Nicky,” Brian sighed quietly.

He stood looking down at his sleeping friend for a few moments, sadly shaking his head. Nick laid ontop of the comforter, amid cheeseburger wrappers, french fry boxes and empty apple pie cartons. The mistake made from the kitchen with Nick had him hit rock bottom, Brian assumed.

The meeting had continued without Nick’s presence and Johnny didn’t seem to be overly upset with the way Nick had left the conference room, Brian thought. There were sponsors that had shown up after the lunch and talked with the remaining men for a few hours and Brian was only there physically, mentally he was worried about his young friend.

With only thirty minutes left before they had to be down to the lobby for the shuttle van to the venue, Brian had no other choice but to wake Nick up. He put his hand on Nick’s shoulder, gently rubbing it.

“Nick?”

The only response Brian was rewarded with, was a shake of the head and Nick rolling over ontop of the papers, crinkling noises, and a soft moan.

“Nicky, come on you gotta get up,” Brian coaxed.

“I can’t, I-I don’t feel good,” Nick moaned after he hiccuped.

“I wouldn’t doubt it,” he replied grimly. “Did you get sick?”

“I wish.”

“Did you try?”

Nick shook his head in reply.

Brian eased his body down onto the foot of the bed. “Why did you do this to yourself?”

Nick’s only reply was a shrug of his shoulders. The reason was too embarrassing for him to talk about.

“Hey, you can tell me, we’re friends,” Brian pressed. “There has to be a good reason why you did this.”

“I was hungry,” Nick stated, it sounded almost as a question instead of a statement. He could see that Brian wasn’t buying his excuse. “I don’t want to talk about it. Tell them I’m too sick to go out tonight.”

Brian gave Nick his saddest puppy dog eyes. “And disappoint the fans?”

Nick groaned and rolled his body off the bed. “Okay...alright...okay, I’m going.”

“You realize, this conversation isn’t done though, don’t you?” Brian pointed out.

As he rubbed his tender stomach Nick sighed. “Maybe not for you, but it is for me.”

“Kaos.....”

“Just drop it, okay? I’m not going to talk about it again!” Nick shouted as he grabbed a pair of sweats and a tee shirt and slammed the bathroom door behind him. “EVER!”

Brian sadly shook his head as he directed his attention from the closed bathroom door to the littered bedspread. Grabbing the small trash can that was next to the desk, he went about the task of clearing up the papers and bags. He heard Nick burp in the bathroom, the tile floor and walls made it echo and sound louder than what it really was. “Gross Nick!”

Nick snickered.

“Okay, that’s sick!” Brian called out.

“Hey, can’t a guy fart in the bathroom without your comments? It’s neutral and safe territory!” Nick defended. “Would you like me to come out there and share it with you?”

“NO! Just hurry up, okay? You don’t want to get Johnny pissed off again.”

Nick rolled his eyes. “Johnny can kiss my ass.”

Brian stopped throwing trash in the basket. “What did you say?”

“I’ll be out in a second,” Nick lied. Taking his shirt off, he couldn’t help but notice that his stomach was a little swollen from his eating binge. “Great, something else for them to pick on me about tonight,” he decided as he pulled the white Nike tee shirt over his head. The waistband from the sweatpants dug pressed into his stomach, so Nick cured that problem by lowering the waist down a bit, not caring that it emphasized his gut. “Screw ‘em.”

“Who are you talking to?”

Flinging the bathroom door open, Nick burped loudly again. “Myself.”

Brian’s face showed disgust. “You need to brush up on your manners, kiddo.”

“It’s just you and me in here,” Nick argued.

“True, but if you keep on doing that, you’re bound to slip one of these times.”

Taking a deep breath in, Nick belched out: “Oookaaay.” He immediately regretted doing that manuver when he hiccuped.

“Nice job there Nickolas,” Brian chided. “Ready to go?”

Holding his breath to keep from hiccuping again, Nick nodded yes. Brian knocked on the adjoining door. “Ready in there yet?”

The door creaked open with AJ shoving his face in. “Yep, security is ready.”

“Let’s go then,” Brian stated as he motioned for Nick to follow him through the open door.

“Hey fatty, you feeling better now since you had that temper tantrum?” AJ grinned.

Nick scowled and gave AJ the finger. AJ reciprocated by placing his hand on Nick’s stomach. “So when you due?”

“AJ, knock it off and leave Nick alone, okay? Let’s have one nice night for a change,” Howie pleaded.

AJ wrapped an arm around Nick’s shoulder. “We’re buds, he’s not offended are you Nicky?”

Nick picked up AJ’s arm by the wrist with two fingers and flung it off his shoulder. “Leave me the fuck alone, McLean.”

“I think we need to keep you two separated,” one of the bodyguards smirked.

Nick hiccuped again, this time it came in a series of squeaks.

“Oh for the love of god,” AJ hissed, slapping Nick in the back of the head. “That’s so damned annoying Carter.”

The three men walked to the waiting elevator and quietly got on. Silence was only broken with the sounds of Nick’s hiccups which seemed to be coming on quicker. Brian gave a glance over at Nick and could have sworn that his skin had a greenish tint to it. “Are you gonna get sick?”

AJ slid his shades down his nose and eyed Nick. “God, I hope not.”

"Ok, I wanna go through a few details for next week's european tour," Jonny started as he looked around in the room. He opened his mouth to continue, "I want.." just to stop moments later as something dawned on him. "I thought I made it especially clear to you that I wanted ALL of you to be at this meeting at eight o'clock sharp? Didn´t I make myself clear enough?"

Surprised, the men looked at their manager who had an irrtated expression on his face. They nodded silently.

"Good." Before they had the chance to return back his question, he barked, "Then where the hell is Carter?"

"He´s in the bathroom," Brian explained, nodding with his head towards the door, "wasn´t feeling too well." He silently hoped that Johnny wouldn´t freak out over the bad news. If there were one thing management didn´t like; it was when they skipped out of ANYTHING!

"Yeah he had to huuurl," AJ said in a strangled voice before he made a pretended puking sound. Then he laughed over his own joke. The rest of them did too. All but Johnny.

"Not well?" A deep frown came on the black man's forehead. "Well, see that he gets his ass over here..quick! I wont tolerate anymore fuck ups from that boy," he snarled.

"Jeeze, I just told you that he wasn´t well," Brian mumbled to himself, upset over the sudden outburst. Kevin gave him a glare that said, "Stop-it-or-you-will-be-in-for-trouble."

"If anyone of you have that idea that they get to skip out of a show just because they have eaten or partied too much, well," he paused before he shouted, "THEN YOU BETTER GET THAT OUT OF YOUR THICK SKULLS!" He stared out over the men, "UNDERSTOOD?"

Four pair of heads bobbed up and down in positive response. No one said anything since they were all too occupied thinking about the upcoming show, besides Johnny sounded much worse than he was. If it had been Lou Pearlman it had been another situation. When Lou was mad he was mad!

"Okay," Johnny said with a sigh, "Brian, you fill in the information to Nick when he gets back. We can´t wait for him." With that he started to tell them about the upcoming tour and the travel plans next week. It was going to be a long European tour that stretched over a couple of months and were they visited almost all countries. A bit into the information the door opened and in came their youngest member, pale as a sheet.

"Well..welll...see who the cat dragged in," Johhny said sarcastically as Nick made his way over to the sofa. He stopped as he as well as the boys took in the teen's appearance. Nick walked slightly hunched, a hand over his stomach and his otherwise so healthy red cheeks were tinted with a greenish tone. His recently combed hair hung loose and the eyes that often sparkled before a show lacked any form of enthusiasm. They were dull and lifeless.

"Come and sit here," Brian said with compassion, patting on the seat beside him. Obeyeing with no comments Nick sank down, with a moan.

"You okay?" Kevin asked, knowing what the answer would be in forehand.

The blonde shook his head, "I feel like shit," he muttered as he belched loudly. "Sorry," he covered his mouth.

"Ewwww," Howie scrunched up his nose, " Can you be anymore disgusting?" He fanned with his hand infront of him as the stale smell of McDonald's lingered through the room.

"I´ll bet he can," AJ grinned, "but then we would need gas masks." Laughter was heard in the room.

Nick, not answering, was pre-occupied in trying to unbutton his pants. He had to get some relief or he would burst. 'God, why did I have to eat all that crap?' he thought as he moaned as a cramp wracked his body again.

"Well ladies," Johnny said as he got tired of the blonde taking up all of the attention, "If you´re done yacking then maybe we can continue with the information." As on cue the sounds dropped off.

Brian still concerned over his friend's health leaned over and whispered, "Any luck?" He was referring to the bathroom visit.

"No," Nick shook his head as he folded over again. How he wished that he could get relief. It was like his body was betraying him and he couldn´t even puke. Instead he was stuck, feeling miserable.

It was half way into the show it happend!

Not standing to wear anything against his stomach he had unbuttoned his top button on the black stage pants. It had felt a bit better and after a while he was feeling as good as new again. It was strange. No matter how sick he felt he always felt ready to preform when it came to doing a concert. He could be suffering from a high temp, yet when he came out on stage and met the fans and their love it was like all this had vanished. Nick had a rule; He always gave 100% at whatever he did!

Tonight was no exception and he was hopping and dancing and screaming like he was feeling all fine and dandy. Not a person out there could see that instead this boy was suffering from a severe stomach ache, ready to topple over. Nick was a preformer, in every ounce in his body.

As he ran over the stage, all hyper he could feel the button below the top one start to opening up just to give out a chain effect. As the button opened he could feel the pants starting to fall off and he who had to do a particular fast dance move. As he jumped down he felt the pants start to slip even further down his legs and now they were hanging loose. 'Oh NOOO,' Nick thought desperately as he mentally begged that his pants wouldn´t fall down. It would be way to embarrassing and he could never live through such humiliation.

Since he was holding the flimsy ear mike in one hand, he had to grab the lining of his pants with the other hand. AJ must have spotted what was happening as he grinned widely, hitting Brian in his side to get his attnetion too. As the two of them noticed Nick's predictment they desperatly tried to stifle their laughter.

He grabbed the pants hard and then tried his best to do the moves. It most have looked pretty funny as both Brian and AJ was now laughing between the lines. Kevin was not and he too had got a hold on the situation.

Nick, in no state to say or do anything, was sweating profusely. Yet he kept his pants up with one hand. There was NOT a chance that he let them go! There would not be any end to the comments!

His hand was cramping from holding the material so tight and when he thought that he had to change grip the song was finally over and they got a break. Not waiting for the tone to die out he ran off stage, just to fumble backstage.

Brian and Kevin followed him, tight in heel, concerned that he had gotten sick. Not daring to stop, he ran into the dressing room before he finally lost his grip and the pants fell down around his legs.

As he felt his face turn as red as a lobster, he wanted to sink through earth. The laughter was loud as all of the boys, coming after him, started to laugh uncontrolably.

"Waaaaayyyy toooo gooo Kaooos!" AJ bellly laughed as he wiped away his tears and he and Brian told the rest of the guys how close the teen had been to losing his pants infront of the fans.

Nick felt like a jerk!

"Okay Kaos if you do that one more time you're off the bus," Kevin complained as he pinched his nose. The smell eminating in the bus was bad and each of the guys were starting to choke and gag.

"What the hell did you eat?" AJ muttered as he stood up, trying to get a window cracked open. "I have to get some air!"

"Can´t you go to the bathroom or something?" Howie said with disgust.

"Yeah and stay there like for the rest of the trip," AJ grinned.

With a pale expression on his face Nick moaned, "I can´t help it. My stomach hurts so bad." He was seated on the seat, legs pulled up towards his stomach and he was drawing in a sketch book. It was hard to concentrait since he was constantly wracked with spasms. "Besides if I don´t get this out I will end up even sicker." He groaned.

"So true, but would you kindly spread your fumes somewhere else," Kevin said as he fanned with his magazine infront of him, "you know we are on this small bus and that you have to take into consideration." ´There was no anger in his voice, more tiredness.

"Yup like go to the bathroom!" Howie tried to breath through his nose, closed mouth.

"You smell like a fuckin' sewer," AJ grimaced as he held up his T-shirt over his nose, "What do you have down your pipes Carter?"

"Awww come on, it´s just natural," Nick blushed, "besides Brian isn´t complaining."

"That is beacuse he has a COLD!" AJ whined. "God, I never thought I would wish for a stuffy nose. But I do now."

"Okay that's enough," Brian chuckled as he blew his nose. Turning to the miserable teen he whispered with concern, "You haven´t eaten too much again, have you?" He was referring to the McDonald's incident two days earlier.

"NO!" 'God, what did they think of him. Fact was that he hadn´t eaten anything for the whole day and still felt full like he had eaten a dinner course. Another groan escaped his lips. The pain was bad and he had a hard time concentrating on something beside the gurgle in his stomach. On top of everything a headache was pounding in his head.

"You feel sick?"

A short nod.

"You had that "bug" pretty bad for two days now, maybe you should go and see a doctor."

At the word doctor being mentioned Nick shook his head, "Nah I´ll be fine." There was no way that he was going to do that. Besides then the doctor would complain that he was overweight, that he was sure of, and that was NOT something that he wanted to hear.

"You have to be fit for the upcoming tour next week," Johnny stated. No doubt only caring about the money and not about the guys health.

"Yeah I know...ouch.." he groaned as another cramp wracked his body.

"FRACK!" Brian laughed, "that one was nasty, almost peeled off the paint from the wall." The rest of the guys laughed too, as they were pinching their noses.

"Hahhaaa, very funny," Nick grimaced, as he shifted position on the seat. Another spasm shot through him and he groaned, folding over in half. This time there were no sick comments.

"You okay?" Brian asked worried as he placed a hand on his friend's neck. With a frown he noticed that it was warm, "You have a fever?"

"I..do..don´t kn..knoooow," Nick groaned in response as his intestines were tying themselves into a knot.

"Kev," Brian continued, "I think there must be something seriously wrong with him. I´ve never seen Nick have such a bad stomach ache. Maybe we should take him to a hospital." There was genuine concern in his voice.

"Really?" Now the older man came up to see what could be wrong with their youngest member. As he felt the forehead he concluded, "Yup, you´re sick!" There were sighs. "B'rok is right, we should take you to the hospital."

"For a bad case of gas?" Johhny sneered, "That is out of the question. We have to get to New York by tomorrow morning to do a tv-show and we are already late on schedule. Besides Fatima is meeting you guys up there since she wanna practice the moves."

A unison groan was heard in the bus.

Ignoring this Johnny turned to Nick, "There is nothing wrong with you, son, is there?"

The only answer the teen gave was a moan as a bad spasm surged through the stomach. Then came the consequences.

"NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKK!"

"Gross, Why did you have to do THAT?"

"Get some air!"

"Open the door!"

"Throw him off!"

All concern for Nick's health were forgotten as he was rudely pushed aside.

"D'," Brian said as he walked over to his friend that was watching a video alone in the dark. Kevin was upfront talking to the driver and AJ was in his bunk, calling his girlfriend. Nick had gone to bed finally fallen asleep despite having a terrible stomach ache.

"Yeah?" The Latino looked up. "You´re up this late?" He sounded surprised. Brian was usually a person that went to sleep pretty early.

"Aha..couldn´t sleep. Eh..Howie?"

"Mhm..hey come and sit down and watch this. This western is pretty good."

"Okay," Brian sat down heavily, "D'?" He asked after a while, moisturing his lips as he was about to spill something, but didn´t know where to begin.

"Yeah what is it?" He glanced over at Brian.

"Have you noticed anything strange about Nick lately?" There was nervousness in the Kentuckian's voice.

Howie jerked, "Eh..what do you mean?"

"Like..like if he is depressed or something?"

"Depressed Nick?..nooo," Howie shook his head.

"Okay," Brian was silent again. "Maybe it is just because he isn´t feeling well then." There was no way he knew how to approach Howie saying that he thought that Nick had some kind of eating disorder. Bingeing like he had done the other day couldn´t be normal. No wonder that his stomach was messed up.

"Aha..probably," Howie had his concerns too, but he wasn´t one to say anything before he was absolutely sure that something could be wrong.

"You think that this touring is taking too hard a toll on Nick?" Brian asked after awhile of silence.

"Maybe. I think it takes a toll on all of us. But I´m pretty sure that he will make it. Nicky is strong." Pushing the pause button on the controller he turned his head, "You´re worried about him?"

"I don´t know," Brian answered truthfully, "Sometimes I get such a bad feeling when it comes to him, you know. Like if he is walking on a very thin line and could fall over if he wouldn´t be careful. "There was genuine concern in the Kentuckian's voice.

Raising his eyebrows Howie looked at him. Brian rarely talked so open with him about things like this. Fact was that Brian was often very closed about his feelings and not as open as people got the impression that he was. He had a warm heart and Howie admired how well he could handle Nick in every stuation. Everybody thought that Kevin was the designated leader, but Howie had opinion about this. Brian, not making much noise was usually the one that spoke when there were something sensitive and hard that had to be done.

"I´m sure that Nicky can handle it," Howie smiled, reassuring his younger friend. "By the way how are you holding up?"

"What do you mean?" Brian frowned.

"You know with the upcoming surgery and all." Brian was not talking very much about the procedure and Howie got a feeling that he was scared out of his witts and by not talking he wouldn´t have to encounter his fear.

"I´m fine." The Kentuckian was very fast with his answer as he stretched his arms and yawned widely, "Í´m tired and I think I turn to bed now."

"Okay," Howie didn´t press any further. When Brian wanted to talk he would talk.

"'Night then D' and sleep tight."

"'Night," Howie pressed the play button as he watched his friend disappeared towards the bunks.

“Nick, would you hurry up? We’ve got to go!” Johnny yelled at the bathroom door.

Rolling his eyes at the closed door, Nick sighed. “Can’t I have a few minutes in here? I just sat down!”

“I don’t need to know the personal issues, we have a schedule to keep, can’t your bowels wait until after the show?”

Pulling his pants up, Nick grumbled. “I guess I don’t have a choice then, do I?”

“No you don’t. The rest of the guys are waiting on you again!”

Glancing at his face in the mirror, Nick raked a hand through his touseled blonde hair. “Why even bother?” he mumbled at his reflection, then swung the door open, nearly knocking Johnny down.

“You look like shit Carter,” Johnny announced.

“That’s because you didn’t let me shit!” he snapped back.

“We can’t wait for two days dumbass, cause it would take that long with you, you’re always full of shit,” AJ pointed out, laughing.

Nick narrowed his eyes at the snickering group and stuck his middle finger out defiantly.

Kevin rushed up and smacked the back of Nick’s head.

“Ouch, what the hell did you do that for?” Nick scowled, rubbing the offended area.

“You needed it, straighten up, okay? Let’s have a pleasant day for a change,” Kevin begged.

“Why do you always blame me for having bad days?” Nick whined.

“Because it’s usually you that has something to complain about Kaos and it gets a little old,” AJ rasped.

“I-I-I---”

“I-I-I,” AJ interrupted Nick’s stuttering, mocking him. “I always fuck up!”

“FUCK YOU!”

A surprised stage hand stood in the open doorway to the greenroom. “Um, they’re ready for you.”

Leaving the greenroom, Johnny grabbed Nick by the arm, pulling him close to his side. “Why are you wearing that?”

“Because it’s mine? I dunno, why are you asking me that?” Nick asked defensively.

“I specifically told you what to wear and you chose to ignore me? I think we have to go over your contract again so you know what’s expected of you,” Johnny hissed.

Nick looked down at his maroon colored tee shirt. “What’s wrong with this?”

“It makes you look fat and sloppy, and that’s something else I need to talk with you about, I’ve heard about your bingeing the other day.”

Nick kept his eyes ahead, wondering how Johnny found out about the McDonald’s binge, but decided to act like he didn’t hear him. Stepping up his pace, Johnny kept alongside, glaring at him.

Relieved that they had reached the soundstage, Nick left Johnny’s side and thankfully walked to where the stagehand directed him to sit.

“No, Nick needs to sit between Kevin and Brian,” Johnny announced.

Not arguing, Nick dutifully took his place between Kevin and Brian. Kevin was going to be sitting the closest to Katie Couric, since he was the ‘unofficial spokesperson’ for the group, which suited all the guys fine. Nick started to squirm in his seat, a mixture of being nervous as well as his intestines telling him that he needed to be in the bathroom instead of live tv calling out to him. Kevin elbowed Nick swiftly in the side.

“Stop doing that,” he whispered in his ear and then quickly planted a phoney smile on his face when Katie walked across the stage, flanked by several members of the Today Show staff, fussing with her hair and makeup.

“And we’re on in five.....four.....three.....two....”

“We have Kevin, Nick, AJ, Howie and Brian from The Backstreet Boys this morning, how are you guys doing today?” Katie chirped.

“Fine..good.” Was the mixture of replies coming from the group.

“Tell me a little bit about what’s been going on for the group.”

“Well,” Kevin started out in his long, Kentucky drawl. “besides rehearsals for choreography for our upcoming European tour, it’s been meetings and working on songs.”

After a few minutes of talking to each member of the group, Katie finally directed her attention to Nick. “That’s good, Nick, what do you think about all of this excitement, since you’re the youngest member of the group. How old are you?”

“I’m eighteen, I-I j-just turned eighteen last week,” he proudly announced.

“Happy Birthday Nick,” Katie grinned. In the background, Howie, AJ and Brian were softly singing the Happy Birthday song.

“Have you done anything special to prepare yourself for the grueling schedule? It looks like they have you guys hopping all over the place in Europe, it’s amazing!”

“Well, I’ve tried b-brushing up on S-Spanish s-since they speak that in Spain,” Nick confidently offered, ignoring the look he got from Kevin after uttering his remark.

“You’ve already been overseas haven’t you?”

“Yep,” Nick replied, trying to push away the overwhelming feelings of nervousness.

“Anything interesting happen?” Katie pressed.

“Not really but d-did you know that the water in the toilet goes backwards?”

Brian and Kevin groaned and Kevin smiled apologetically to Katie who was having a hard time keeping her laughter in check, wiping tears away from her eyes.

“The boys will be singing a song for us after we return from a break,” Katie giggled, shaking her head.

When the light on the camera went off, Katie jumped up from her seat to attend to matters away from where the boys were sitting. Kevin quickly swatted Nick on the back of the head.

“Ouch, what the hell did you do that for?” Nick yelped, tears stinging his eyes.

“The water goes backwards in the toilet? They speak Spanish in Spain?” Kevin grumbled.

“Well they do and it does happen,” Nick defended his remarks.

“Keep your mouth shut, you sound like an idiot, besides, you’re studdering again, that makes you sound stupid!” It was Johnny that rushed up towards the group, giving them a quick coaching.

“Leave Nicky alone,” Brian glared at the older man.

“Mind your own business! Worry about yourself, okay?” Johnny replied.

“I want all of you over on those stools, please hurry, we’ll be back in three minutes,” a stagehand stated as he pointed with a clipboard to the set of five barstools with microphones in front of each seat.

Sliding onto the chairs, Nick jumped a little too hard and caused his stool to tumble over, landing him flat on his back.

“Way to go Ace,” AJ cackled, holding a hand out to a wide eyed Nick.

“And we’re ready in five.....four....three....”

“Are you okay over there Nick?” Katie asked as the camera clicked back on it’s live feed.

Red faced, Nick could only manage to offer a “thumbs up” from where he stood as a stage hand adjusted the mike and the stool back into position, AJ and Brian howling with laughter.

“Alright, hopefully, without anymore problems from Nick, here’s The Backstreet Boys,” Katie grinned.

“Nick isn’t up from his nap yet?” Brian asked as sat down at the small table in the hotel room.

Munching on a piece of toast, Kevin folded the newspaper in half glancing at his cousin briefly. “He’s up, Johnny has him cornered in the other room talking to him.”

Brian pulled the sports section of the paper from under the pile in front of Kevin. “Oh. What is he talking to Nick about now?”

Kevin only offered a shrug of his shoulders in reply.

“Oh, come on Kev, you have to know what’s going on!” Brian groaned.

“Don’t know... don’t care to know,” Kevin replied, flipping the paper over.

Brian eyed the wall towards the other room warily. “You know I’ll get zero info from the boy when he gets done.”

“Well, if it’s any of our business, we’ll be told,” Kevin replied.

“I suppose.” Brian sat for a moment, staring at the paper, thinking. “Hey, what time do we have to be at the venue for rehearsal?”

Kevin glanced at his watch. “A little less than two hours from now but Johnny said something about wardrobe fittings here.”

“Wardrobe? Why now?” Brian sighed.

“It’s something for the European tour.”

“Wonder what stupid thing they’ll insist on us wear----”

Brian’s comments were cut short when muffled yelling could be heard coming from the other room. Brian’s eyes met Kevin’s as they listened to the yelling. When the yelling stopped, the door to the room flung open, hitting the wall and Nick rushed in, face flushed with anger.

“How’d the meeting go with Johnny?” Brian casually asked.

Nick took his arm and swiped it across the desktop, clearing all the items that were laying ontop, sending it crashing to the floor.

“Okay, I’m taking that as a ‘not-so-good?’ ”

As Johnny entered the room through the wide open door, Nick sailed past him into the bathroom, slamming the door closed.

“Johnny, what the heck did you and Nick talk about?” Brian questioned when the bathroom door banged closed. “He seems to be really upset about something.”

“It has nothing to do concerning you, here, this is yours,” Johnny stated, handing Brian a clothes hanger with a blue colored costume draped over it. “And this one is yours Kevin.”

“This is for Europe?” Kevin asked as he looked at the gaudy blue colored costume.

“Yes, and these have been custom tailored to fit your bodies according to contract specs so I will assume that there won’t be any problems with the wardrobe,” Johnny commented as he walked towards the closed bathroom door.

Johnny softly knocked on the door. “Nickolas, I’ve got your costume for you to try on.”

“I’m fine, just leave it on the bed,” Nick grumbled from the other side of the door.

“No, I need you to try this on now.”

“I don’t want to now, I told you to leave it on the bed!” Nick shouted through the door.

“Nick?” Johnny persisted.

“Leave the boy alone for now Johnny, you’ve got him upset over whatever the hell you two were discussing earlier. Just let it go for now, I’ll make sure he tries on that hideous outfit you seem to be so damned insistant on,” Kevin spat.

“I’ve never seen this shade of blue before,” Brian mused as he held the costume up by it’s shoulders.

“It’s my mother’s favorite color,” Johnny defended as he gently laid Nick’s wardrobe out ontop of the bedspread.

“And it’s a nice shade too,” Brian quickly added, rolling his eyes behind closed lids.

“I guess we’ll be meeting you in the lobby by three then, okay?” Johnny questioned as he strode towards the door.

“Yep, three,” Kevin replied.

With that stated, Johnny left the room, softly closing the door behind him.

“Who the heck picks these colors?” Brian asked, tossing the outfit over a chair.

Kevin shrugged his shoulders. “Color blind monks?”

The bathroom door banged open with Nick storming out and over towards his suitcase.

“Hey, Nick...”

“Leave me alone, I don’t want to talk about it,” Nick snapped, interrupting Kevin.

“I wasn’t gonna ask you about the talk you had with Johnny, I was gonna ask--”

“I said leave me alone!” Nick cried out.

Brian looked at Kevin, his eyebrow arched in question and then back over towards their younger brother, watching him as he started throwing clothes out of his bag.

“I HATE THIS! I HATE THAT SONOFABITCH! HE CAN GO TO HELL!”

Kevin winced at the screaming coming from Nick. “Um, yeah, okay.”

“Nick did you want a soda?” Brian offered, sticking his head in the mini bar fridge.

“No I do not want a soda, I do not need a soda. I do not need anything.”

“Nick, what the hell’s going on?” Brian sighed in an exasperated tone.

“Nothing, I don’t want to talk about it, okay? Everyone just leave me alone.”

Grabbing a change of clothes off the floor, Nick trudged back into the bathroom, slamming the door behind him. He knew that Kevin and Brian would be talking about him, but he didn’t care. According to Johnny he was a fuck up and did nothing but hurt the band’s image. Johnny told him he was starting to become a fat, worthless slob and if he didn’t shape up he was out of the group. Johnny told him that he had to be perfect. Nick thought he was doing a good job, he was being himself, but now he was told that he was anything less than perfect.

Feeling hatred and low self esteem in his body, Nick turned the shower on as hot as he dared, deep inside hoping it would burn him but he knew it wasn’t hot enough to do that, and let the water pour over him as he stood in the stall and cried.

“You’ll never know how happy I am to be sitting here with you right now,” Nick gushed.

Manda giggled in reply. “Nicky, all you ever have to do is call me, and arrange for the flight ticket and I’ll be there. No matter where you are, just remember you can send me a ticket and I’d be more than happy to come. Were the guys pissed?”

“Whaddya think?”

“That would be a yes, I guess. Screw ‘em, they’re just jealous of you,” Manda assured.

“I suppose.”

“You don’t sound very convincing there.”

As he picked up the restaurant menu, Nick shrugged his shoulders.

“What’s bugging you?”

Not bothering to pull the menu away from his face, Nick mumbled “nothing.”

Manda rolled her eyes and reached across the table and pulled the menu down. “Spill it Mr. Carter.”

Nick could feel the color rising into his cheeks. “It’s really nothing I want to talk about.”

“I see you blushing, you realize I’m not giving up until you tell me!”

As if the menu was a protective shield, Nick put the menu back up to read. “Management is on my back again.”

“Oh sweetie, what about now?” Manda’s asked dully.

“The usual stuff they pick on about me.”

Manda stared at the back of the laminated menu in front of Nick’s face, waiting for him to continue on about his delimma with management. After a few moments, she again pulled the menu down and peered over the top. ”Well?”

Nick sighed, feeling his face turning red again. “It’s the same ole shit about my weight.”

“Aww, Nicky--”

Nick cut Manda off. “It’s okay, I have to do what they ask me.” Before she could reply, he tossed the menu onto the table and eased his body from the booth. “Order me a chef salad, ranch dressing on the side, I’ll be back right back.”

Manda’s expression darkened as she watched Nick walk away from their booth towards the restroom. She knew in her heart that management was right about Nick’s weight, but she disagreed with them constantly badgering him about it. She liked him a little heavier and deep down she felt that Nick was happier when he could eat and wasn’t denied his pleasure.

“Are you ready to order?” the waitress chirped as she stood next to the booth.

“Yes,” Manda grinned as she picked up the menu. She gestured to where Nick had been sitting. “He’ll have a double cheeseburger, extra cheese, fries, deep fried mushrooms and a double chocolate milkshake. I’ll have a BLT and an iced tea with lemon.”

The waitressed picked up the menus and nearly walked into Nick when she turned around to leave.

Sitting at the table, making idle conversation, the waitress soon returned with the order. Manda smiled mischievously as she watched Nick’s reaction to the order placed in front of him.

“Enjoy your food,” she smiled as she laid the bill face down on the table.

A scowl crossed Nick’s face as he leaned forward. “I ordered a salad.”

“I know and you can’t let those guys get to you.”

Nick looked dismayed. “I can’t eat this.”

“Yes you can and you will for me,” Manda replied, batting her best puppy dog eyes at him. “You will if you love me and you’ll eat everything on your plate.”

Eyeing the platter in front of him Nick sighed. “Okay, but just this once, and then I’m sticking to that diet.”

“We’ll see.”

Manda placed a comforting hand on Nick’s back as they exited the car. “What’s wrong Nicky?”

Sweat was forming on the young man’s forehead as he walked stooped over. “I don’t feel good,” Nick moaned.

“Awww, pooh bear,” Manda soothed, moving her hand in small circles on Nick’s back.

Nick suddenly burped loudly.

“Okay, that was gross,” Manda shrieked.

“I’m sorry, I can’t help it, besides you made me eat all of that.” He stopped for a moment and placed a protective hand on his stomach. “Arrrgh!”

“Well since you aren’t going to be much fun tonight, I’m just going to get into my car and head back to my apartment. You go on and be with your mommy, maybe she can take care of you,” Manda whined.

As Nick turned to kiss her goodbye, another burp escaped his lips followed by a moan and a quick apology.

“I’ll take a raincheck on a goodbye kiss, you’re repulsive tonight,” Manda snapped. “God, just think if Tiger Beat got ahold of Nick Carter in his worst form. Bet those teenies would be impressed.”

Normally Nick would be offended by Manda’s comments but his stomach hurt so much accompanied with the heartburn, made his only focus his bed and laying down.

Nick’s quest for relief was short lived when he was met at the door by his brother, a grin on his face and a PS2 game clutched in his hands.

“Hey bro, you ready for me to kick your butt?”

“Um... yeah, lemme go to the can first,” Nick mumbled.

Aaron cocked his head to one side. “The can? Oh that’s classic Nick.”

As Nick walked down the hall, he burped loudly, the sound echoing in the long hall.

”Who did that?” Jane Carter called out from the kitchen.

“Wasn’t me,” Aaron piped up.

”Nickolas Gene Carter!”

Jane entered the living room, a platter of freshly baked brownies in her hand. “I swear he’s lost his manners traveling with a bunch of guys on the road.”

Aaron quickly snatched a brownie off the plate as his mother set it down. “That will never happen to me!”

“What won’t happen to you?” Nick asked as he entered the living room.

“Losing my manners, burping and farting--”

”Aaron!” Jane warned.

“Well, it’s true, that’s all Nick does when he’s around me. He farts--”

“Aaron, that’s enough!”

“Well it’s true... I guess,” Aaron stopped his comments when he caught his mother’s stern face.

“I’ll bring out some milk for you two, eat up the brownies,” Jane called out as she left the room.

Nick felt a little better after making himself throw up in the bathroom. At first, it was something that he tried with little success but now sometimes it worked for him, but he only threw up when he became too umcomfortablly full, which was the case after that huge meal Manda insisted he eat.

“Aren’t you gonna eat some brownies? Ma’s been stressing out all day about your brownies,” Aaron commented as he picked another brownie from the plate.

Nick shrugged his shoulders. The brownies did look good and they were his favorite. “I just ate, maybe later.”

“Mom’s gonna be pissed.”

“She’ll get over it.”

“Are you ready for me to whip your butt?” Aaron asked as he set up the controllers and opened up a Nascar game.

“I’m gonna have fun kicking your ass,” Nick grinned.

Aaron’s eyes grew wide in mock horror. “I’m tellin’ mom you swore!”

Nick lept off the couch and pinned his brother on the floor, taking pleasure in his little play screams. “You wouldn’t dare tell on me!”

Aaron’s screams became muffled in the carpet.

“You won’t tell,” Nick persisted as he started to sit on his younger brother.

“You kids better take it easy,” Jane called out from the kitchen when she heard the commotion from the other room.

“We’re okay,” Nick replied. “Aren’t we AC?”

“Ugh,” Aaron gasped. “I’m tellin’ ma.”

“If you live long enough!” Nick countered, placing his butt ontop of Aaron’s leg, farting on it.

“OH GAWD.....MOM!!!”

Through his haze he heard the phone ringing. Fumbling to shut it off he reached out with his hand, still not opening his eyes. All he managed was to do was swipe off a glass of water and his clock off the bedstand.

"Shit," Nick mumbled as he scanned the mess that he had created on the floor. 'The maid is going to be so happy, not to mention Kevin,' he thought darkly. Opening his eyes a bit more he noticed that he wasn´t in any hotel and that he was in his own room in outside Tampa, Florida.

Rubbing a hand over his eyes, he tried to get his mind to work, when he was rudely interrupted by his sister BJ calling, "Nick phone!" Ignoring that he sank down further in bed. Much too tired to deal with anyone.

"Nick did you hear me?" BJ called out again and Nick put the pillow over his head, trying to block out the sounds. When that didn´t work and she was still calling his name, just to spite him since she knew how much he hated when people talked in the morning, he barked, "SHUT UP!"

His sister didn´t pay much attention to her brothers outrage and she set her footsteps towards his room. He groaned loudly. Who in their right mind had the nerve to call him in the early morning? On his day off, which was so rare. Tomorrow they were going to go on a hectic European tour for two months so at least they could have the sense not to disturb him.

When he made no move to go downstairs the door banged open revealing his sister , "Are you deaf or something? I said that you had a phone call." She handed him the hated device.

He asked grumpily, "Who is it?"

"AJ," she said shortly, "It sounded urgent."

Nick groaned. It was always urgent with Bone. Still it had him a bit surprised, he wasn´t much of a morning person so it had to be something special.

"Okay," he muttered as he snapped into the phone, "What?"

He waved with his hand to BJ to leave the room, getting a glare back and when she didn´t make any move he picked up his pillow and tossed at her, hitting the head. "Move," he mouthed and she stuck out her tounge. God how he wished that he could have been left alone.

"Jeeze, you didn´t have to bite off my head," AJ said sounding a bit hurt.

Realizing that he had crossed a line he muttered, "Sorry."

"S'okey, so did I wake you up Kaos?" AJ laughed, no doubt mission accomplished.

"What do you think?" he snapped back.

"Ouch..touchy, touchy, I think that someone woke up on the wrong side today."

Ignoring the last comment Nick said sourly, "What do YOU want?"

"Johnny and Lou called and said that they wanted to meet us in Orlando. It was urgent."

"Not a chance, I´m gonna spend my time with my family," Nick said with a yawn. In fact he had planned to spend his time in bed, playing Nintendo and eating chips and popcorn. Screw the management, beside Manda had said that he looked perfect and that he didn´t need to loose any weight. She was a real hottie so she had to be right.

´ "Nick didn´t you hear they said that we had to be ther by noon."

"Noon!! Are you wack?" Nick screamed, there was no way that he would go and sit in a car and drive that hour long trip to Orlando. On a day off! No way, he rather he was kicked out of the group.

"Yup, tweleve a clock. And for the record, you ain´t the only one that is pissed over this decision. I was laying here in bed with a pretty blonde by my side and.."

"Blonde?" Nick interrupted his friend, "Isn´t Amanda dark haired?" He was certain that AJ was fooling around again. And now he was busted.

"She colored it," he said quickly. "Anyway then.."

But Nick wasn´t aout to drop the subject. "Does Amanda knows that you're cheating on her?"

"None of your business," Aj sneered, clearly wanting to change the subject. " Anyway you have to get your ass down there. B'rok and Train is coming too."

"All the way from Lexington?" Now Nick was surprised. "Wow it has to be really urgent."

"Yup, so you better get your fat ass over here or your ass is grass."

Thinking for a while Nick said, " You guys have to do without me today. I don´t feel too good."

The last comment had his friend upset, "Listen dipshit, you don´t fuck up by not coming. You will destroy this band if you continue this "It´s so sorry for me" attitude."

"Well I still ain´t going." Nick felt stubborn. Management had been on his case all the time and for once he felt that he couldn´t bare to deal with them chewing him out again.

"Yes you are. Johnny made clear that the only thing acceptable was our own deaths!"

" But Bone," Nick felt whiny, "It is our day off and I need the rest, besides I haven´t been feeling too well lately."

A sigh was heard on the other line, " Yeah I know, but if you stay home don´t expect any help from me.

"Awww man," Nick caught a glare at the clock that was laying on the floor, "Then I have to leave like soon, fuck," he mumbled more to himself than anyone, "that sucks."

"I hope your mother didn´t hear you say that," AJ teased him with a laughter. "So are you coming or not."

Torn between his own will to stay put and the management he sighed deeply as he rubbed his face with his hand. He was so tired and turning back to bed looked more than tempting. Surrendering under the pressure he murmured, "Okay, tell Lou that I´m on my way then."

"Great man," AJ sounded relieved, "then I´ll see you in a few."

"Mhm.." Nick closed his eyes as he was almost already back into the land of sleep.

It was like AJ sensed that Nick was heading back to sleep again since he called out, "Hey Kaos."

"Wha..what?" Nick jerked. He had momentarily fallen asleep.

"Don´t you dare to go back to sleep, or your ass is toast. Comprendre?"

" Yeah, yeah, sure," Nick mumbled already half way into Lala land, and as soon as they hung up he laid down on the bed again. " I just need an eye shut," he mumbled as he pulled the blanket over him. It didn´t take long before he was sleeping safe and sound.

He must have slept for quite awhile since the sun was high on the sky when he woke up. Sitting up in bed Nick glanced at the clock. It read 1:15 pm so this meant that he was more than an hour late to the meeting. Surprised that no one had called him he decided to go downstairs, his stomach was growling from hunger.

It was quiet in the house, which was much of a surprise since silence was not something that was often heard of in the Carter household. His siblings were often involved in loud fights between each other, and they often had friends over. It was not an unlikely situation that Jane had at least 3 extra kids everyday.

Enjoying the silence Nick walked straight to the refridgerator since his stomach was rumbling with hunger by now. The stomach ache that he had suffered on and off the past week had mysteriously disappeared and he blamed it on having nerves. He also got some well needed privacy. Opening the refridgerator door he scanned the shelves for something edible. To his delight he noticed that it was well stocked and he picked out some dishes and a tub of butter. Carrying it, together with a white bread roll he walked into the livingroom and sank down in the family couch.

After making 3 sandwiches full with all sorts of things he sank comortably back in the couch, feet flopped up on the armchair beside him and turned on the tv. There was nothing to watch and Nick hated soap operas and Ricky Lake. The only time he watched crap like this was when he was sick and then he was usually too ill to care what he was watching. He could never figure out how anyone could be stupid enough to volunteer telling the whole world about their sexlife and so on. Eyeing it wearily he dug into his breakfast.

Grinning, he thought that his managers would freak if they saw what he was stuffing into his mouth. They wanted to put him on lettuce diet but to that he just gave the finger. No one had ever complained about his weight before and to him he looked like he had always done. He couldn´t understand how teenage girls went totally out of it when he showed his face to them. It was sick. He shook his head at the memory over how attacked they had been the last time they went to Europe. Girls clinging on them, taking photos and filming every step they took.

Management had decided that they needed bodyguards on this trip since the fans in Europe were totally wild. Nick's bodyguard was named Frank and he would meet them in Frankfurt when they flew in tomorrow.

These three days off from "work" had done him good and his new girlfriend Manda had been at the beach most of the time. He really wished that she could come with him touring since the other guys often had their girlfriends with them. But management had been specific about this one. NO girls were allowed to come with them on this European tour. It could hurt the business if the fans found out that they were all taken, all except Howie who was still dating around, looking for the right girl as he put it.

The management wanted to keep Manda as a secret as long as they possible could. The fans could start loosing interest in the group if they found out that their young and blonde heartrob was already taken. Nick was promoted as the innocent and young boy and if it came out that he had been drunk as well as was not a virgin anymore they would completly freak. Nick thought it was upsetting. After all he was an eighteen year old teenage guy with raging hormones and therefore he was just acting like his age. But management wanted him still to be the fifteen year old guy that the fans had fallen for once. When he had objected to this, saying that he thought that he would have to betray the fans the management had gotten pissed and told him that he better not reveal Manda to ANYONE!

With a sigh Nick flipped through the channels on the remote as he took another bite of the bread. For the first time he felt totally relaxed. No one was bugging him, making him say or do something. He didn´t have to deal with sharing time with four other dudes. Management wasn´t in his hair and he had no obligations. That is if you didn´t count that he had actually skipped an "important" meeting.

The last thought made his stomach ache. He would have to deal with the management later. Hopefully it wouldn´t have to be so big since Johnny was generally a pretty nice guy that knew that Nick needed some space and privacy. But something had been bugging the dark man lately and he was more tense than ever. Kevin said that it was because another group N´sync was also trying to win over the European fans.

Nick had met the guys a couple of times and even if the press said that they were rivals he still thought that they were pretty nice. Especially Chris who had gone to the same highschool as sweet D'.

Lou Perlman was another story. He was being a total jackass in Nick's opinion. Acting like he was being really nice one second, just like a would snake strike with his venom when you least expected it. He had told everybody that he was the boys father and that he had created them and loved them like his own sons. Nothing could be more bullshit than that. It was all business to Mr. Pearlman and Nick doubted that he had any feelings at all for them.

Shuddering, he remembered when he had been sick as a dog on stage and Lou had still made him perform. His gut had been on total fire since he had eaten something that had gone bad. In between dress changes he had used the toilet in more than one way and he had been too weak to even stand. Yet he was forced to go on. Finally Nick couldn´t take it any longer and when he barely made it backstage for another round he had pulled out of the show. Kevin and Brian had been so upset, threatning to call their parents and tell them how bad they were treated. Lou just shrugged, telling them that it was like this in show business and if they couldn´t cope with it they could go.

Suddenly a sharp signal broke his thoughts. Staring at the phone he hesitated. Should he answer, or let it be? He had no strength to deal with an upset Lou or Johnny, yet it could be someone else like his parents wanting him something.

Slowly he picked up the phone, "Yeah," he murmured. He had barely finshed the last letter when an angry voice interupted him, yelling in his ear.

"CAAARTTTEEEER!" It was Johnny that had worked up quite a temper and Nick draw his breath as he heard, "Shouldn´t you be at this meeting?"

"Eh..uh.." Nick mumbled.

"Then where the hell are you???" the dark man shouted so Nick had to hold the receiver far away from his ears or he would have gone deaf.

"Um..I´m not feeling well," Nick lied.

Johnny didn´t buy it so he said, "Cut the crap Nick. You told AJ that you were going to come to this meeting, didn´t you?" The tone of his managers voice was soft until he suddenly drew his breath in, "SO GET YOUR FUCKING ASS UP HERE NOW!"

Nick knew that it often sounded worse than it really was when Johnny barked, still he felt like a three year old. Tears started to burn in his eyes, both from anger but also from feeling small and useless.

"I´m sorry," he mumbled, "But..but I started to feel sick and.." He was once again rudely interupted. His hopes that Johnny's temper would lessen when he heard that the teen wasn´t at his best was soon crashed.

"Sick," his manager muttered, "you´re always sick." Then there were a brief pause.

Holding his breath Nick hoped that this was it and that his manager wasn´t going to chew him out anymore. But when had Nick Carter ever been right? Before he had a chance to say anything another man burst into the phone. Lou!

"Nick didn´t I make myself clear that you had obligations to tend to?" Lou said with that voice that only Lou could muster. The voice that sent chills down Nick's spine. Made him feel smaller than a little kid.

"Eh..I..I," Nick started to stutter. He always did when he felt unsecure, and he hated it. Why couldn´t he be cool like AJ? Who always seemed to know what to say. No insted he mumbled something uncoherent making the person even more upset with him.

"Nick you heard what I said right?" Lou was not letting the subject drop.

"Ye..yes."

"Good, then why aren´t you here now? Do you get off or something by disobeying orders?" The voice was calm, yet hard.

"I..I..N..No.," Nick hesitated. What direction was Lou going in?

"Then start acting your age and do what you are told to do. I´m tired of that you can think that you are taking the short cut all the time. If you think that being in this business is a holiday then you better rethink your decisions." Lou spoke with authority and Nick felt himself shrinking. He didn´t have time to answer before Lou continued, "Nick I am just saying this to you once; You better shape up that attitude of yours or you can say goodbye to the boys."

This wasn´t fair! Nick felt close to tears.He wanted to object yet he knew that it never paid off mouthing off to Mr. Lou Pearlman. Therefore he kept his mouth shut, wanting to scream inside.

When Nick didn´t respond he said, "Are you listening to what I am saying?"

"Ye..yes," Nick stuttered, "But I was sick," he tried to defend himself.

Lou, however, didn´t listen at all, instead he said, "The van will be at your house tomorrow at six am. Sharp! And Nick.." There was a warning in the managers voice, "If you dont show up exactly on time you don't have to bother to show up anything more either. Understood?"

"Yes."

"And Nick, just for the record, remember what we talked about earlier, that you still need to be on that diet. Can´t let the girls think you are fat can we?" Lou chuckled.

"No..Nooo,"Nick wanted to slap his head. How could he be so stupid that he never said or did anything in a pressed sitiation? Instead he clamped shut or stuttered like some damn idiot.

"Good then we understand each other. Then I´ll see you tomorrow. Bye Nick." With that Lou hung up as fast as he had come on. Totally empty inside Nick stared at the phone in his hand. Lou had said that if he didn´t shape up his act he would be kicked out of the band. The mere threat of something like this made his stomach churn. They were trying to control his life.

What would he be without the boys? Without the fans? Just a nobody! A total loser.

Suddenly he felt anger flare up inside him. What business did they have in controlling his life? Management had been on his case for a very long time now and he was sick and tired of kissing up to them. Standing up, he wiped his tears off with the back of his hand. The more he thought about how badly treated he was, the more angry he became.

Rushing into the kitchen he opened up the cupboard and started to pull out all sorts of goodies. His mother had always a stock of twinkies and he pulled them out on the kitchen table. Tearing up the plastic with his teeth he opened one twinkie package after another and then stuffed his mouth full.

He would show them who was in control now!

Slinging the green backpack over his shoulder, Nick trudged down the hall of the airport terminal towards the guys, ball cap cocked to one side, bangs halfway into his blue eyes.

“Well, well well,” AJ clucked as he looked at his watch, “look who made it ontime this morning.”

“Don’t start, okay,” Nick mumbled. He felt bad enough about oversleeping yesterday and missing the meeting, he didn’t need it to be brought up again. Unfortunately, it wasn’t going to be dropped.

“What did Lou say to you yesterday?” Kevin pressed.

“None of your goddamn business!” Nick snapped, slumping into the first available seat trying to avoid the stares of the guys.

“Just leave Nick alone, okay?” Howie intervened. “I’m sure he’ll talk when he’s ready to.

Nick rolled his eyes. ‘Oh thank you Howie for acting so innocent.’ He shifted in his chair, trying to get comfortable as well as trying to catch a catnap. He didn’t sleep very well last night and 4:30 a.m. alarm came too soon for him. The sudden smell of cologne clued Nick that AJ had taken the seat next to him.

“So what did fatass Lou say to you yesterday?”

Nick turned his back away from AJ, pretending he didn’t hear him.

“N-i-i-i-i-c-c-c-k-k-k-e-e-e”

Nick groaned and turned to face AJ. “Bone, can’t you just leave me the hell alone? I’m tired and I don’t feel good.”

“Oh gawd, here we go with the Nick doesn’t feel good comment again. Ya know Carter, it’s getting really old, seriously!”

“I don’t feel good, why does everyone pick on me?” Nick whined.

“Because it’s the same old crap all the time, ‘I don’t feel good,’ god, it’s getting a little old,” AJ spat.

”AJ, leave Nick alone, alright?”

Nick sighed when he heard Brian reprimanding AJ. “Thanks Brian.”

AJ remained silent for a few moments until the others became engrossed in their own conversations. “So why don’t you feel good? What’s wrong?”

Nick sighed. “You know how I am about airplanes and just knowing we’re going to be stuck in the air for hours doesn’t set well with me and I woke up kinda late and I forgot to take my meds for airsickness.”

A smile spread across AJ’s face. “I’ve got something that will cure your motion sickness.”

Nick eyed AJ suspiciously. “You do?”

“Yep,” he replied, patting the front of his shirt pocket. “Dr. McLean’s medicinal drink.” A sly grin crept onto his face as he revealed a small bottle of whiskey.

“Where did you get that?”

“Hey, don’t get us busted here, keep your voice down,” AJ reprimanded in a sharp whisper. “It’s airplane booze.”

Turning in his seat to face AJ, Nick narrowed his eyes at his older band brother. “Yeah, so, how did you get it?”

Slapping a hand on Nick’s thigh, AJ chuckled. “My boy, you need to learn the laws of the air.”

“Come again?”

“Up in the air there’s no drinking age law, comprende? So it’s yours for the asking, well, of course paying too, but hell, I just ask for whiskey and waters and the management thinks I’m drinking ginger ale. I’ve got it all figured out.”

“But what about your breath, don’t they smell it on you?”

“They know better than to get that close to me, jeeze Nick, you really are slow.”

Nick folded his arms across his chest defensively. “Am not.”

“So, do you want a bottle or not?”

Licking his lips as he thought about the whiskey, he mentally debated if it was such a good idea. He was already in hot water with Johnny and Lou, but knowing those two, they would expect them to be performers at every place the plane landed until they reached Frankfort. “I don’t want to take your stash AJ.”

“I have more than one bottle, dumbass,” AJ replied in a low voice.

“Okay.”

Instead of handing the bottle over to Nick, AJ suddenly stood up, stretching his arms. “Um, me and Kaos are going to the bathroom--”

“We are?” Nick piped up, his face a mask of confusion but quickly recovered when AJ lowered his sunglasses and tossed a glare in Nick’s direction. “Oh, yeah, me and Bone gotta use the john.”

“Going to the restroom in a group now?” Kevin remarked as he watched the two head off.

Brian grinned as he watched AJ grab Nick’s arm and pull him close. “It’s kinda odd, but cool in a way too though.”

Kevin didn’t take his eyes away from the two young men. “Cool? In what way would you think that?”

“Well, I guess it’s just that Nick and AJ are usually at each other’s throats fighting. Maybe this will be the trip that the two of them finally get along.”

“One could only hope,” Howie smiled and nodded in agreement.

Once in the bathroom, AJ pulled Nick quickly into a stall.

“God, people are gonna think we’re gay or something Bone, what the fuck do you think you’re doing?”

“Do you want this or not!?” AJ hissed.

“Yeah.”

“Well if you think you’re man enough to handle this, take it,” AJ challenged.

Nick eagerly took the bottle and unscrewed the black lid, breaking the seal. He slowly put the bottle to his lips and took a small sip of the honey colored liquor. Witnessing this, AJ rolled his eyes.

“Oh my god, I thought you said you were a man,” he breathed. “Watch me.”

AJ uncapped his own bottle of whiskey and placed it to his lips, tossing the bottle back and drinking the contents down in three swallows. “That’s how you do it. Now try doing it right this time or we’ll be in here all damn day.”

An elderly man was standing at the sink washing his hands, listening to their conversation from the closed bathroom stall. He was thinking the thoughts that Nick was afraid people would think and shook his head. “Sick and wrong,” he whispered to himself as he shaked the excess water from his hands.

Being challenged, Nick poured the contents down his throat and gulped the liquid quickly. As soon as he finished, his eyes watered and he started coughing. AJ slapped him on the back. “Easy does it boy.”

After a few moments of coughing and gasping for air, Nick managed to ask, “Okay when will this make me feel better?”

“Drink two more of these and you will be relaxed by the time we take off, guaranteed.”

Following AJ’s advice, Nick quickly downed the drinks, sputtering and coughing between both. “I’m starting to feel a little relaxed already.”

AJ grinned. “See, told ya so, let’s go before someone catches us in here, stick with me and I’ll take care of you during the flight.”

“What’s taking those two so long? They’re ready to board the plane!” Johnny grumbled as he glared around the room, looking for Nick and AJ.

“There they are,” Brian pointed, relief washing over him when he saw the two walking towards the waiting area. He knew by the tone of Johnny’s voice that he would be seeking explanations and punishments if they missed their flight. He grabbed Nick’s backpack and held it out. “Here, let’s get moving, Johnny’s on a warpath this morning.

“Already?” AJ rasped. “That dude needs to stop worrying so damn much, he’s gonna give himself an ulcer.”

Brian grinned, “If he doesn’t have one by now.” He followed Nick and AJ towards the tunnel leading to the plane when a puzzled look crossed his face. “AJ?”

“Yessum?”

Brian reached out and grabbed the younger man by the arm, pulling him back. “Do I smell alcohol on your breath?” he asked quietly.

Cocking a smile, AJ shrugged his shoulders. “And what if you do?”

“You know what they’ve told us before---”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, I’ve heard it all. Don’t worry it’s just a little preflight drink to settle my nerves, no big deal,” AJ defended.

“I’m just tellin---”

“God Brian, seriously, who made you lord and master of us?” AJ spat. “Oh, and you might as well plan on being with Kev or D cause me and Kaos are riding together this flight.”

Brian’s first thought was to feel hurt about Nick not wanting to travel with him, they always sat together on trips but he immediately dismissed his feelings when he realized that the two were finally getting along for once. “Okay.”

“Nick, calm it down a notch, okay?” AJ hissed into his friend’s ear. AJ was starting to regret introducing Nick to the onflight bottles of whiskey and Seven-up. One of the first comments Nick had made to him after tasting the drink was that it was the best thing he had ever drank next to cherry flavored Kool-aid.

“Why? I’m cool,” Nick slurred, splashing his drink on his shirt.

AJ reached out to quickly steady the drink as Nick set it down - half on the tray, half off. His gold chain bracelet clanked noisily on the glass.

”Hey there’s that pretty babe with the big boobies,” Nick grinned as the flight attendant passed by. ”Can I have your number? I’ll give you mine if you give me yours!”

AJ gestured towards Nick with a nod of his head. “Can he have a bag of potato chips or something?”

“I’m not supposed to eat,” Nick whispered loudly into AJ’s ear.

AJ patted Nick on the arm. “I know, but it’s okay this time,” he reassured.

”I have to pee, let me up asshole,” Nick slurred in a loud voice as he fumbled with his seatbelt.

AJ pressed his hand into Nick’s arm. “You can’t right now, we have to stay in our seats.”

“But I have to pee now!” Nick whined.

”Nick! Nick!”

Turning towards the voice, Nick was met with Kevin’s icy green eyed stare. He mouthed the words sit down. Nick grinned and waved at his older bandmate. “Waz up bro?”

Again, Kevin mouthed sit down!

“What did you say? I didn’t hear you bro,” Nick slurred. The flight attendant announced that the pilot said they had cleared the turbulence and it was okay to move about in the plane’s cabin. Kevin wasted no time in unbuckling his seatbelt and strode over to the young blonde. He quickly grabbed Nick by the arm.

”Ouch! What the fuck are you doing?” Nick gasped, trying to jerk his arm away.

“Come with me,” Kevin replied in a harsh whisper. He could feel the color rise into his cheeks, stained from the embarrassing situation Nick had put him into. As he led Nick towards the back of the plane, he kept his eyes lowered to the floor, not wishing to see the faces of the other travelers. Once they reached the galley, he spun his young charge around to face him.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing? Shit, what have you been drinking?” Kevin asked as he waved his hand in front of his nose.

”Whiskey,” Nick replied, locking his bloodshot eyes with Kevin’s clear emerald eyes. The glare and the sudden furrowing of his eyebrows caused Nick to add, “it’s for medicinal purposes.”

“Medicinal my ass,” Kevin growled. “You are going to sit with me the rest of this flight. You’re a disgrace to the group and you should be damned thankful that Lou and Johnny are in first class and they haven’t seen the shape you’ve gotten yourself into.”

Nick’s expression soured. “I can do what I want to do.”

“Like hell you can. I’m responsible for you and you will listen to me, got it?”

Tears started welling up in the young boys eyes. “You hate me, don’t you?”

Kevin sighed. “I don’t hate you.”

“Y-you want me out of the group, don’t you?”

Kevin raked a hand through his hair. “I didn’t say that.”

“You didn’t have to say it, I can tell. All of you hate me!”

Kevin’s eyes darted toward the front of the airplane quickly as he requested Nick to keep his voice down. Nick immediately burst into tears in response.

“You think I’m a big fat loser too don’t you?”

“What? No, I don’t think that Nick,” Kevin reassured.

“Lou thinks I’m a fat loser so does Johnny.”

“Nick, calm down, okay, s-h-h-h-h, it’s going to be okay, you’ve been drinking, you’re going to be fine,” Kevin soothed. “No one thinks you’re a loser.” Wrapping an arm around the young man’s shoulders, Kevin hugged Nick and then told him he was going to take him back to his seat.

“I gotta pee first,” Nick annouced as they passed the restroom door.

Kevin sighed as he opened the door. “I’ll be standing out here waiting okay.”

Nick sniffled. “Okay. I love you Kev.”

“I love you too Nick, now go to the bathroom.”

Kevin shook his head as Nick banged the door closed behind him. After a few moments the sounds of Nick shouting behind the door, cut through the air.

“Whoa big fella! Easy there!”

Several people turned in their seats to gaze upon an embarrassed Kevin Richardson, standing next to the restroom doors. He lowered his head and told Nick to keep quiet in a sharp whisper. Quickly grabbing his young band brother by the arm, Kevin told Brian that Nick was switching seats with him for the rest of the flight.

Almost on cue, the flight attendant brought back two bags of potato chips and handed them to Nick. He greedily tore open the first bag, shoving handful after handful of chips in his mouth. Kevin bowed his head and furiously massaged his temples. There was still five hours left in the ten hour flight.

The worst was yet to come.

AJ shifted nervously in his seat on the bus. Kevin’s hard glare hadn’t let up from the time he nailed Nick on the plane up to this point. He already had given his speech and AJ blew him off, trying to sound cool about the whole thing telling Kevin that Nick was in control of his own self and nobody put the extra whiskey in his mouth.

AJ couldn’t help but grin despite himself at the way Kevin over reacted to the situation; raking his hands through his hair, collaring Nick and literally pulling him from the aircraft. It was once they were clear of the plane and from Johnny and Lou did Kevin light into AJ, Nick standing beside him the whole time, his eyes half mast and his body swaying from side to side, hiccuping every so often.

“How could you let this happen?” Kevin demanded, his jaw set.

AJ stared the older man down, shrugging his shoulders. “Don’t know what you’re talkin’ about.”

“You know exactly what I’m talking about AJ! How could you let Nick get so drunk?”

“Since when was I elected to be his personal bodyguard? The kid has a mind of his own. Take it up with him.”

AJ smirked wondering what expression Kevin had on his face when he turned away from the conversation leaving Nick in his care. He was sitting in the seat next to Nick who managed to be safely passed out for the moment, escaping Kevin’s wrath.

You’re dead meat, Kevin mouthed at AJ. AJ’s mature response was cupping a hand to his ear to say he didn’t hear what Kevin said. Kevin mouthed the words again and AJ simply held his middle finger into the air, grinning at his older brother and mouthed the words ‘fuck you’.

AJ’s smugness suddenly evaporated when the bus roared to an unscheduled stop in a city parking lot. His face paled when the bus driver announced that they would be stuck there until the cause of the engine trouble had been found and fixed. His dark brown eyes met up with the staring green eyes of Kevin’s.

Reacting quickly, AJ nudged Howie. “Dude, unscheduled shop, let’s go check the stores.”

Howie’s eyes fluttered open and he looked around the bus with a disoriented look on his face.

AJ jerked on Howie’s arm. “We’re in Germany, our bus is broke down, let’s check out the shops to kill some time.”

Kevin stood up and approached the two men. “I’m coming along with you.”

“We don’t need your help Kev, I think we can manage,” AJ replied as he slid out of the seat.

“I’m not going for your help AJ, besides, I can do what I want,” he hissed.

“Whoa, I think I’ll let you two go by yourselves, I sense a little tension here,” Howie stated as he sank back into the seat.

AJ grabbed the Latino by the arm. “Nope, you’re coming with me,” he urged and then added after he looked at Kevin’s face, “I need you along with me for protection.”

Howie looked back at Nick and Brian sleeping. “What about those two?”

“I’m sure they’ll be okay, let’s go,” AJ sighed.

A few moments later, Nick stirred in his sleep. Looking around, he wasn’t sure if it was Brian’s snoring that woke him or the fact that the bus was no longer running. At any rate, he decided three things: 1) he had a headache 2) his stomach was killing him and 3) he was thirsty.

Looking out the window, he saw that they were near several stores. Although the words were German, Nick figured he could find what he needed easily. Making sure he had his wallet in his back pocket, he slipped off the bus without waking Brian up.

The first store he spotted had dark windows and the sign above the door was in bold black letters: SamtNote. As he opened the door and looked inside, Nick immediately turned around. He knew by the rows of pornographic video tapes that this was not a pharmacy. In the back of his mind he wondered if AJ would be in there.

Nick walked a few blocks away, and discovered what looked to him like a Walgreen’s. The name Honsowitz was over the top of the double doors leading into the building and the word Drogespeicher in smaller letters below.

Relieved when he saw the endless rows of medications was quickly short lived when Nick discovered everything was labeled in German. A language he had zero comprehension of.

“Okay, find something that looks like Tylenol and you’ll be safe,” Nick coached himself as he wandered down an aisle. Spying a bottle that looked relatively familiar, he quickly scooped it up, trying to sort out the German wording on the label. Narrowing his eyes at the phrase ‘entlastet das Einzwagen’ Nick thought he recognized the word relief and decided it was what he wanted.

Now he needed some Pepto Bismol for his stomach ache. A few shelves below there was a pink box that was liquid. Assuming since it was in the same section it was what he needed for relief. Barely looking at the label he walked up to the counter and placed his purchases next to the register. The pharmacist looked at the items and placed a slight smile on his face.

“gutes Gluck zu Ihrem Freundinsohn,” he grinned as he took the money.

“Yeah, thanks,” Nick mumbled in reply, not knowing that the man said he hoped that his girlfriend felt better.

Leaving the store with his medicines in a plain white bag, Nick headed off in search of a store to buy water or a soda. The fact that he was thirsty coupled with the fact that he needed something to wash the asprin down with, led Nick on his quest.

Wandering a few more blocks, Nick finally spied something that he could read. A symbol that he embraced as ‘home’. It was a Coca~cola sign inside a window of a store. Without a second thought, Nick rushed into the store and grabbed a bottle of the soda. Standing at the counter next to the cash register, he laid down a crumpled D-mark. As he turned to leave, the store keeper called out to him.

“Hey!”

Nick jerked around. “Huh?”

“Sie gaben mich zuviel!” the woman stated as she waved several bills in the air.

Redfaced, Nick smiled sheepishly and accepted the money from the short, stout woman. “Um, thanks.”

“Auf Wiedersehen.”

Shrugging his shoulders, Nick repeated, “Ralph Weederson to you too.”

Smiling, the woman shook her head as she wiped her hands off with her plaid apron. “Amerikaner.”

“Hey, wake up!”

Brian jerked in his seat as he opened his eyes to see Kevin, AJ and Howie’s face staring at him. Rubbing his hand over his face, he sighed. “We there already?”

“Where’s Nick?” Kevin demanded.

“Huh?”

“I said, where’s Nick. He’s not on the bus,” Kevin pressed.

“I-I don’t know, isn’t he with you guys?”

“Oh this is just lovely,” AJ rasped. “The bus is good to go and no sign of damn Carter.”

“Well I’m sure he couldn’t have went too far being hungover,” Brian replied, gazing at AJ for good measure when he mentioned the word hungover.

AJ threw his hands up in the air. “Why does everyone blame me for this shit?”

“Because you thought it was funny getting the kid drunk,” Brian growled.

”ENOUGH! STOP BICKERING!” Kevin yelled. “We need to find Nick. Let’s branch out.”

AJ peered out the bus window. “Fan out? Where the hell to? This is a freakin mall in a freakin foreign country. Hell, I can’t read a freakin thing on the signs.”

“God AJ would you stop with the freakin word?” Howie hissed, finally losing his calm persona.

“Everybody go ahead, it’s pick on AJ today I guess. It’s your turn now, right Kevin?”

Brian closed his eyes and moaned. “Oh for the love of God, would you stop being so paranoid?”

AJ spun around to face Brian, his eyes wide. He started jabbing his pointer finger repeatidly into his own chest. “You talkin’ about me being paranoid? Me?”

“AJ calm your ass down, now!” Kevin ordered as he raked a hand through his hair. “We’re not gonna find Nick arguing over who did what. Okay, Howie you go south, lets say two blocks, AJ, go north two blocks and Brian east, I’ll take the west. We’ll meet back here in an hour.”

The three separated and went off in the directions that Kevin told them to go, AJ shaking his head

“God, why does this kid put me through so much hell?” Kevin muttered as he shoved his hands into the front pocket of his jeans. He shook his head as he thought about the millions of times that Nick played his little hide-n-seek games or any of the number of pranks that he loved to pull. This time it was different, Kevin theorized, because Nick was still a little drunk, he thoughts wouldn’t be clear but also the fact that they were in Germany and Nick had zero comprehension of the language.

Kevin was the only one in the group that had no difficulty with understanding German, he spoke it fluently and figured once he laid his hands on the wayward boy, he was going to make good use of the colorful aspects of the German language.

“Where would he have possibly gone?” Kevin wondered as he stood in the center of the parking lot, looking at the various shops that lined the streets. “Well, if dumbass hadn’t been drinking I would figure he was hungry,” he mused as he looked at the name of the restaurant directly in his line of vision.

“Shit.....shit...shit,” Nick whined as he looked at his unfamiliar surroundings. Clutching his stomach, he fought the urge to vomit, tears filling his eyes. Turning in a complete circle, Nick tried to get his bearings, looking for a landmark that would hopefully point him back to the safety and the security of the bus.

“How could I get lost?” he moaned as he looked around. He decided he couldn’t ask anyone for help or directions anymore because the last time he asked, they only spoke German and that was of no use to him at all.

Sitting on the grass with his medications and the bottle of soda at his side, Nick grabbed the package of “asprin” and tore it open, spilling two white oval tablets into the palm of his hand. With his stomach knotting and unknotting, he decided he should drink some to the German made “pepto-bismol.”

Uncapping the pink bottle, Nick sniffed the contents tentatively, wondering if it was what he thought it was. Shrugging his shoulders, he tipped the bottle back and immediately realized his mistake when the soapy tasting fluid burned his mouth. He quickly threw the bottle down and started spitting out what he hadn’t swallowed.

”God! arrrgh.........god!”

Coughing and gasping, Nick quickly uncapped the bottle of coke, desperate to wash out the foul taste in his mouth. After several attempts, he finally was succesful.

Suddenly feeling lost and vulnerable, he leaned back against the shade tree, folding his arms tightly across his chest. He decided to rest before he tried to retrace his steps, hoping that maybe someone would be out looking for him. It didn’t take too long before he started to doze off.

After walking in and out of a few shops, Kevin was beginning to wonder what happened to Nick. All sorts of thoughts ran through his mind ranging from kidnapping to Nick getting hurt. Shaking his head, he tried to dismiss the negative thinking from his mind.

“One last shop and I’ll turn back,” Kevin decided as he entered the store. Clearing his voice, he approached a woman that stood behind the counter.

“Hello, I was wondering if you could help me find someone,” Kevin asked in perfect German.

The woman smiled. “I’ll try.”

Pulling out the picture of Nick that he carried in his wallet, Kevin showed it to the woman. “I’m looking for---”

The woman’s face lit up. “Yes! I saw him! He bought a cola! I couldn’t understand him, that I remember,” she interrupted.

“Did you see where he went?”

The woman shook her head. “No, but maybe my son Mikal saw him, he was outside sweeping the walk earlier. Let me find out.”

After a few moments, the woman returned, a broad smile on her face. “He said your friend went north.”

“How long ago?”

“Oh I would say it’s only been maybe a half an hour.”

Kevin smiled, thanking the woman before he quickly left the store. His excitement in getting closer to finding Nick was short lived when he realized that he wasn’t any better off than what he had been when he entered the store.

Looking towards the north, his eyes scanned the horizon, looking for anything that would point him in the direction of where Nick went.

“Johnny is going to kick my ass when I come back and tell him Nick’s missing,” Kevin sighed. Just as he was about to give up and turn back, he saw a body laying in the park across the street, nestled up to a large tree.

“Thank God! I’ve found him!” Kevin cried out as he rushed towards the street towards Nick’s sleeping form. In his excitement to get over to the park, Kevin was nearly hit by a car as he crossed the street. The driver screeched his tires, honking his horn. As he drove off, he shook his fist in the air.

“Aww, Nicky,” Kevin sighed as he looked at the young boy sleeping on the grass. Beside him laid his soda bottle and the meds he had purchased. Kevin’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion when he read the names of the products next to Nick. He suddenly started to laugh.

Nick jerked awake and stared at Kevin’s face, a blank expression in his eyes. He wiped the sleep from his eyes and it took a few moments before Nick realized where he was.

“Kev, god, I’m so glad to see you,” Nick smiled wanly as he scooped the pills and the bottles up and shoved them into the white pharamcy bag.

Kevin offered a hand to pull Nick into a standing position. He put his arm around Nick’s shoulderas he led him back to the bus. “Why did you take off without telling anyone like that?”

“I had a headache and a stomach ache,” Nick sheepishly explained, “so I thought I’d go get some asprin and a bottle of pepto.”

“That stuff right there?” Kevin asked as he gestured to the white bag Nick carried.

“Yeah.”

“Did you take any of it?”

“Nick’s face turned red. “Well, um, I figured out that the pink stuff wasn’t what I thought it was.”

“But you did take it, right?” Kevin pressed, a smile was tugging at his mouth.

“Yeah, but I spit it out,” Nick confessed.

Kevin chuckled. “Do you know what you drank, better yet, do you know exactly what you took?”

Nick could sense this was going to lead towards information he didn’t want to know about.

“Nick, you took Midol and you drank some woman’s liquid vaginal cleansing soap!”

“Oh god,” Nick breathed, a shocked and humiliated look crossed his face.

“Don’t worry, you won’t die from it,” Kevin reassured.

Nick suddenly realized his life would be pure hell if AJ found out about what he did. He quickly grabbed his older brother’s arm. “P-please, j-just don’t tell anyone, okay? Please?” Nick begged as he threw the bag into the nearest trash bin.

Laughing, Kevin patted Nick on the back. “I won’t, but just remember, I now have one up on you for future blackmail!”

“God my life sucks,” Nick moaned.

Kevin chuckled. “Yes it does Kaos, but at least now it’s spring flowers clean and free of cramps!”

"I can´t fucking believe this," AJ growled as he slouched down beside Brian on the sofa in the dressing room. He rubbed his hand over his face in an attempt to fend off both the frustration and tiredness that was hanging over him like a cape.

"What can´t you believe?? Brian asked as he glanced up from the sports magazine that he was reading.

"Dumbass has been on the phone for like..an hour and.. and I need to make a call." AJ gestured with his head towards the payphone further down in the corrdior which Nick had occupied. "I wonder what he has to say that can be worth listening to," he mumbled more to himself than to Brian.

Brian laughed, "Come on Bone, give the poor dude a break. He is seriously is in love!"

A smile lit up AJ´s face, "Yeah imagine Kaos being THE loverboy, who would ever had thought of that?"

"Yes," Kevin said as he sipped on a hot tea mug, trying to fend off an impending cold. "Nick is starting to have raging hormones."

"Yeah, but can you understand why? He is fucking obsessed with that girl and why I have NO freaking idea. Okay she might have a nice rack, but other than that she is a bimbo with no brain!" The words were uttered with resentment.

"I think you're mistaken here," Kevin interrupted, "Mandy is actually pretty smart."

"Yeah where? Between her tits?" AJ snorted. "No man Nick is thinking with his dick when it comes to this chick!" AJ didn´t spare the words and it was clear that he didn´t like Nick's new girlfriend very much at all.

"Bone," Brian said, slightly amused. "You may have some points there, BUT it is Nick's decision and he is in love with her."

"Yeah I know," AJ sighed. "It´s just that I get the feeling that she's bad news. There is something about her that makes me think that she is just using him."

"You´re just pissed because he is talking on the phone all the time."

"Yeah, yeah." AJ sounded a bit annoyed. "I need to call someone."

"That someone doesn´t have to be Amanda does it?" Brian said with a smile.

"Nah, that bitch is out of my life now..for good."

"Yeah right," It was Howie who came back from the bathroom. He smiled as he knew that AJ was still very much in love with the brunette. They had been dating on and off and he knew that AJ was getting more and more in love with that girl, IF only he knew how to keep his hands off other girls. And that was something Alexander James McLean had a hard time doing.

"And who dropped a coin in your ass?"

"There's no need to get testy," Howie said as he sat down in a chair beside the table. Turning to Kevin he continued, "Is that tea doing anything for your sore throat?"

"Mhmmm," the darkhaired man mumbled. They were all waiting for it to be time to go onstage and preform. This was the end of their second week that they spent in Germany.They had traveled all over the country, going to one city after the other. To tell the truth Kevin didn´t really know where they were this time. All of the cities looked so much alike.

"Why are you so pissed?" Brian asked when he saw how irritated AJ was. "It can´t all be because of Nick, can it?"

Brian always had a smooth way to get people to talk, just like Howie and AJ was on his way to spill his guts. To reveal how sick and tired he was at preforming every night. It wasn´t that he didnt like it, it was more that he needed a break. He longed to go back home. Meet Amanda. In the last time he changed his mind.

"That fucking dork is occupying the phone all the time," he snarled.

Brian frowned, knowing that something else was bugging his friend, but then decided to play the game. "Have you never been in love?"

"Yeah, but I sure as hell didn´t spend ALL my time talking to a chick!"

"No you banged her instead," Kevin muttered, coughing harshly.

"I did not!" AJ sounded pissed, "Like you, Kevin, have been the best of guys. I knew that you have screwed around with different chicks behind Kristin's back."

"I have not!" It was Kevin's turn to sound upset.

"Ok cool it," Howie the peacemaker was butting into the heated discussion. "We are all tired and this doesn't make things better."

"No and AJ," Brian grinned, "I remember someone that didn´t even want to go on tour because he was afraid that his girlfriend would forget him."

"Yes and this someone used to call this girl all the time, both before and after concerts," Howie filled in, smiling widely.

"Well that was different, AJ looked at his grinning friends.

"Different? In what way?" Kevin asked hoarsely, "Dude you still do it."

"I do not. Why do you always come with so many asumptions?" AJ snapped.

"Bone are you PMSing?" Brian asked, doing his best to lighten up the situation.

"Ha ha ha very funny," AJ muttered as he stood up again. "I´m going to make sure that stupid over there is done talking on the phone." With that in his mind he went into the corridor, spotting the teen sitting down on the cold stone floor, leaning with his head against the wall of concrete. He seemed to be involved in some conversation where he was doing his best to convince someone something.

"Yes Mandy, yes baby, yup..yeah I think so to. NO I have not done it, no Mandy Pooh I wouldn´t and you know it." Nick sounded upset.

Listening to the conversation at hand AJ snorted. His little brother was acting so pathetic. It was like his new girl had him wrapped up in the palm of his hand. As he listened to the conversation go on and on AJ had set his mind. Nick was NOT thinking with his brain, instead other body parts had taken over! He feared that his friend would be seriously hurt sometime. According to AJ she was mostly attracted by his fat wallet.

"Hey," he said as he rapped his brother on the head with his knuckle. "You done soon?" He was being as polite as the circumstances would allow.

"Ouch!" Nick whined as he rubbed the sore spot on his head. "Why did you do that for?" There was accusation in his voice.

"Because you have been on this damn line for a fucking hour. What imporant stuff do you have to say to that bimbo?" AJ could have bit his toungue at the last word. He knew that his own thoughts about the girl was bad, but the warning signals flashed in front of his eyes.

The look Nick gave AJ was a look that could kill. And if that had been a reality he would have been buried six feet underground.

"You have to wait," Nick snarled as he turned back to the phone.

Catching one last glare at his watch AJ saw that he didn't have that much time to play with and leaning over Nicky he yelled into the receiver, "Fatty get off the phone. NOW!!!!"

"The response was immediate. "What the heck are you doing?" Nick barked as he once again covered up the phone with his hand. There was no need for Manda to hear what kind of language AJ could use.

"You have talked long enough," AJ stated coldly. "Now get off before I kick your ass."

"Ok hold on." Nick knew when it was enough and he would loose. Turning back to the phone he continued with the call, but was this time he was in the process of ending it, "No..no..AJ is just pissed..no it's nothing..no yeah, eh..you think so? You really do? Yeah..yeah I´ll guess that you´re right..yeah..ok..well listen I gotta go..I call you.."

AJ waited impatiently. If Nick wasn´t dating one of the most talkative brides over on the western hemisphere he would maybe actually manage to get to talk to Amanda before it was midnight.

"Carteeerrrrr!"

"Yeah, yeah," Nick mouthed to AJ before he continued, "No Mandy pooh, no..yes..yes I will..No I promise, I really gotta go now. AJ is waiting, yes baby..I'll call you tomorrow morning..yes..ok I'll call you after the show..No we are NOT going out..ok..well I see ya then." He looked up at AJ like he wanted the man to get out of the room so he could end the phone call in peace and quiet. But no such thing happened. Instead the skinny man leaned into Nick further and grinned.

Moving away from AJ´s annoying glare he did one desperate attempt to end it all off, "Yeah..yes..me too..yes Manda..eh..do I have to?" Nick shifted nervously, glaring up at AJ ever so often. The skinny man didn't move a muscle.

"Okay, okay," he shielded the phone so that the last words would be unheard. AJ just leaned on closer, annoying him, Breathing down his neck. Just to spite him.

"Yeah Manda..eh..uh..yeah..aha..hrmmm..ok, ok...well sugar puffs," he said the last word as quiet as possible, but AJ spotted it and started to laugh.

"Sugar puffs!" he yelled out loud. "You´re calling your chick sugar puffs?"

"SHUT UP!" Nick yelled, red in his face as he tried to take a swing at AJ. Moving fast, the skinny man jumped out of his way, escaping from getting hit in the process. Turning back to the phone Nick stuttered, "No Manda, no it wasn´t meant for you..it´s it´s Bone that's bugging the crap out of me."

AJ grinned.Mission accomplished. Even if he didn't get to talk to Amanda before concert he had at least annoyed Nick and Manda.

It was not even noon and Nick was totally dead on his feet. Last nights concert had been a success and even if two of them had been down with the flu that was gracing the Backstreet camp, it was still a hit. Yawning, Nick stared out of the bus window, watching the scenery passing by him. Trees and small German villages, and a cow every once in a while. It was boring and he had long abandoned the sketchbook that he had in front of him.

The gloomy weather outside and the rain that drizzled on the window made him feel down and he longed to be back in the sunshine state, swimming in the ocean. They were on their way to the next German city and the schedule was pressed. As soon as they arrive their was time for another interview and then one more show. The schedule was much too hard to cope with and Nick was feeling homesick. He didn´t know how he could stand being away from his family, especially Aaron for as long as four months!

Beside his peers, he missed Manda too. He knew that the other guys didn´t like her, yet he didn´t care. For the first time in his eighteen year old life he was in love. She was everything that he dreamed of and he felt happy being with her. AJ thought she was a jerk and that she was only using him. He didn´t listen to those remarks, AJ was probably just jealous he concluded. Girls often swooned around him, but he paid no attention to them. Manda had caught his heart and it was her he wanted to be together with. Mentally he decided that he would ask Johnny if she could join him in a week or two since it felt like an eternity until they would meet again.

They spoke to each other at least once a day and the phone bills were skyrocketing. Johnny blew a fuse over this, yet he didn´t care. All of the other guys, except Howie had girlfriends too and they called them just as often as he did. It was just that they didn´t get yelled at! Life was unfair and when he had pointed this out Johnny and that new tour manager Clark Kent, his real name was Clark Finnley, had been very upset. They had said that it would look bad if the fans found out that he was having a girlfriend and that he needed to concentrate on the fans.

Nick felt torn. One part knew that he had obligations and that he needed to act like he was single, the other part wanted to come forward and tell people about Manda. The managing part always won and he continued to lie about his relationship with her. Even if they had only been dating for a little over a month he still felt that she was right for her.

Sighing deeply Nick felt it all overhelming.It was stressful to always be on the road. To never have any time for privacy and always have to take other people into consideration, negotiate. It was also tiresome to always having to be on top, and if he had a day when he was low people always wondered what was the matter with him, if he was pissed over something. They were doing shows almost every night and the pace was hideous. They had to do photoshoots, meet and greets, interviews and lots of meetings in between and also work on the new songs that they were suppose to record in the beginning of fall. There was very little time to relax and on top of everything Nick was trying to finish his studies as a senior in high school. It was slowly starting to become too much for him to handle, yet he decided not to let it get to him.

Biting back the tears that were burning in his eyes, partly from exhaustion, partly from homesickness, he blinked heavily. He was no baby anymore and crying was something that he rarely did. Lately it was like his own emotions became frozen and he did everything in his power not to cry.

Wiping the tears away with the back of his hand he hoped that none of the other guys had spotted what he had almost started to cry. Glancing at the seats he was relieved to see that they were all occupied with different things. Kevin, who was one of the unfortunate ones that the nasty flu bug had decided to attack, was fast asleep, snoring with an open mouth since he was too stuffed up to close it.

A moment of mischevious thoughts came to Nick and he thought about playing a prank on his older brother. The idea faded soon out when he saw that a red shimmer was seen on his friends cheeks. No doubt from a fever. Nick was known to be a real prankster, even if he did less of that stuff nowdays then he did when he was younger. At one time he put a Kit Kat bar in Howie's mouth when he was fast asleep. What made the prank such a success was that he started to chew the candybar in his sleep.

Glancing at his other side he saw AJ sitting near the aisle. He was writing on the laptop and when Nick leaned over to see what he was writing the older man glared back. Angrily.

"Don´t," he warned as Nick stretched his neck to see what was written.

"Is it a loveletter?" he asked teasingly, just to be met with another hard glare.

"None of your business," Bone snarled as he continued to type at a furious speed.

"Okay," Nick shrugged. He had no energy to tease AJ and drew back into his shell again. Brian, who sat on the seat in front of him was fast asleep too. A book lay on his lap and it looked like he had stopped reading in midsentence. He was the other victim that the flubug had caught and he was not only suffering from a sore throat, he also had an upset stomach. Nick who had been sharing a room with Brian was painfully aware that he was sick as a dog since the Kentuckian had spent the better part in the bathroom all night.

With a sigh he looked at Howie who was chatting with one of their bodyguards. The Latino looked up from his conversation and smiled briefly to Nick. Howie or Sweet D' as they called him was very nice. He was outgoing and chatted along with most of the people that he met. Nick silently wondered why such a nice guy never had met a girl that he liked more than just for dating. Howie was often out on dates, but the true love bug never seemed to strike him.

A loud growl was heard in the bus and he knew instantly where the sound came. His stomach was complaining from hunger. Pressing his hand to his stomach he tried to comfort the hunger pains that he felt. The diet he was set on had slowly died out, mainly because it was hard to keep up with just eating healthy food when they were constantly on the run. McDonald's was the restaurant that was frequently visited and hamburger and other fast food consumed.

This morning he had overslept, much due to not being able to sleep since Brian was constantly sick all night long. He had missed breakfast and all that he gotten into his stomach was one small yogurt and some orange juice. Not much for a growing teen. On top of everything he hadn´t felt like eating the sandwiches that they served after the concert. He had been much too tired and just wanted to get back to the hotel and crawl into a warm bed. Now he was paying the price.

Another growl deep in his stomach made him think that he was so hungry that he could eat a horse.

"Johnny," he called out to his manager who sat chatting wíth Clark Kent further down in the bus, Receiving no response he tried a bit louder.

"Johnny!"

Still no response. The manager was probably ignoring him and this had Nick a bit upset. "JOHNNY!" he yelled, just to be met with a slap on his arm.

"Shut up," AJ whispered irritated. "People are trying to sleep."

Shrugging, Nick ignored that comment as he stroked the sore area on his arm. His yelling gave result as the dark man looked up, obvioulsy wondering what the rowdy teen wanted this time. "What?" he asked with a tone of annoyance.

Trying to ignore that they all seemed to be upset with him he mumbled, "I..I..just wanted to know..whe..when we´re stopping to eat. I´m totally starving." He held his stomach as to prove his point.

"Well Carter," the manager said with a calm tone in his voice, "If you hadn´t overslept you wouldn´t be hungry right now. BUT you decided that sleep was more important and now you get to deal with the consequences. So Nicky you better have this clear; we´re NOT stopping!" There was an irritated expression on his face.

Upon hearing these words Nick thought he would die. Starve to death and he whined, "But I aaaammmmm sooo hungryyyy!" He felt that they were unfair, "Besides it wasn´t my fault that Brian didn´t wake me up." He pouted.

"Nick, Brian is sick, so don´t blame it on him" Johnny said harshly. "It was your own fault that you slept in and that was very irresponsible of you to do so. We all had to wait for you to get your ass on the bus." He paused briefly, "So it doesnt matter how hungry you are, we are NOT stopping until it is time to do so. You will have to wait!"

"But..but," Nick started, feeling the tears once again stung in the corner of his eyes. Swallowing hard he tried to get his emotions in check. He was NOT a cry baby!

"Nick," Clark said as he saw how upset the teen was becoming, "we will stop for lunch in about two hours, maybe less..think you can wait that long?" Clark was a nice guy and Nick had gotten to like him alot. Johhny, Donna and Lou he was starting to dislike more and more.

Swallowing hard, he nodded, "I guess I don´t have any choice."

Feeling sorry for the young man Clark continued, "Don´t you have something in that backpack of yours?"

Shaking his head he mumbled gloomily, "Nah I forgot."

"Or it is already gone?" Johnny filled in. Nick glared back, saying nothing. Management was constantly on him over his weight. They were saying that he didn´t take care of himself in the way he should be and they were hounding him over that he was getting fat. Nick didn´t think he was gaining THAT much weight even if he felt that he sometimes had a hard time zipping his pants.

Manda didn´t think he was fat at all and he listened to her, screw the management.

Sulking, Nick sank back at his seat, staring out on the landscape. The rain was pouring down and he felt even more low than before. That and hungry. It was bad that the management didnt allow him to eat, especially since all he could think of was food. As he felt sorry for himself he felt a knock on his shoulder. Turning around he was met with AJ peering at him with a concerned look in his eyes.

"You alright man?" he asked as he had set the laptop aside.

Nick nodded, not offering any more of an explanation. There were no need to say anything since AJ could clearly see that he was feeling far from fine. His stomach growled loudly, making him well aware of his predicament.

"You sure?" The voice were kind and Nick looked at his friend with an mixture of curiosity and surprise. No snide remarks came over the skinny mans lips and this had Nick a bit confused. The guys, especially AJ and Kevin had felled not too nice comments about his weight lately. This time Bone seemed genuinely concerned.

"Mhmmm," the teen mumbled as he continued to stare outside. A sigh was heard across the aisle and then silence again. Thinking that AJ had lost interest he continued to sulk. A headache, that came from the lack of food no doubt, was forming around his temples and he massaged his forehead. Dizziness was also threatning to overhelm him and he needed one thing: FOOD!

A rustle was heard and AJ came over to sit beside him. Nick moved his cd player and looked at the young man who held up something. "Here man," he said gently as a bag of potato chips were placed infront of him.

Surprised, Nick took the bag, eyeing it he felt his mouth start to water. Hunger gripped his intenstines and he wanted to dive into the bag and comfort the pain that he felt. But a small voice inside his head whispered "You need to lay off that Carter, you´re getting fat."

It was like AJ had sensed his hesitation as he said, "Aww come on man, eat it. You know I don´t want you to starve to death." He laughed nervously.

Pushing back the voice in his head Nick nodded and tore up the chips bag with his teeth. "Thanks dude." Sticking his hand down he pulled out a handful of chips and it felt so good when he felt the taste.

"Hey, take it easy," AJ grinned widely as he watched the blonde devour the whole bag like he hadn´t seen food for ages. To Nick it felt like an eternity since he had been without food for close to 15 hours!

Suddenly AJ dived back into his backpack and pulled up a coke and a banana, "Here you go," he said before returning back to his own seat.

"Wow thanks!" Nick said truly grateful, expressing his gratitude towards the skinny man.

"No problem," AJ grinned, "Now you have something to keep you occupied, just don´t overdo it man."

"Mhmmmm." The teen didn´t waste any time and soon he was happily munching on potato chips and a banana. After eating up it all, down to the last crumb he belched louldy, "Ummm sorry." Nick covered his hand over his mouth. He felt full. Maybe too full.

Scrunching up the empty chip bag a feeling of disgust swept over him. He felt like a pig and he certainly had acted like one. Not thinking at all what he had stuffed into his mouth. As another burp escapaed his mouth he caught AJ grinning back at him.

"Man one can think that you haven't eaten for a long time the way your wolfing down the food."

Being in the process of thanking his friend Nick opened his mouth when AJ commented, "Now that you´re full maybe we can get back to sleep and don´t listen to you whining about being hungry all the time." This was AJ, being nice, but then hitting with a comment when he least expected it. But deep inside Nick knew that AJ really cared about him. And he loved his brother. No matter what.

Peering over at Nick, atop his glasses, AJ continued slightly amused "That is ..if you´re not starting to whine beacuse you feel too full..are you Kaos?"

Little did he know how right he was.

“Nick, we’re here, come on,” AJ said in a low voice as he nudged a sleeping Nick.

Nick scooched his body on his side, his back facing the aisle and AJ. “I’m fine. You go ahead.”

“You just told everyone on the damn bus you were hungry!”

“I’m not anymore, I’m fine,” came the short reply.

“Oh for the love of God,” AJ mumbled as he stomped off the bus.

Burrowing himself further into his seat, Nick tried to seek a comfortable spot, trying to continue his nap, uninterrupted.

“Carter! Get your ass up!”

Not moving, Nick’s eyes flew open.

The tour manager swatted at the young boy’s back as he repeated his demand. “I said, get your fat ass up!”

“I’m not hungry,” Nick replied, not turning to look at Johnny.

“You made it a point to put everyone on this damn bus in a state of misery listening to you whine about how starved you were earlier, get your lazy butt off the bus and march into that McDonald’s and eat!”

Nick bit his lip, determined not to let the tears that pooled in his eyes fall. “I ate some chips AJ gave me, I’m fine,” he croaked.

Johnny grabbed the back of Nick’s tee shirt. “Bullshit! Let’s go!”

Jerked from his seat, Nick gave the manager a hard glare. The hatred that filled his eyes seemed to be mirrored by the older man. This was going to become a battle of wills for Nick. Johnny loved to pick on him too much, as far as Nick was concerned.

As the two walked into the restaurant, Nick’s eyes sweeped the lobby, spotting the guys clustered in the side lobby. Nick slowed his steps when he felt Johnny’s hand pushing on his back.

Stepping up to the counter, Nick thought at first he should be reasonable since Johnny was standing behind him and had seemed to be content on keeping track of every calorie Nick consumed.

Clearing his throat, Nick immediately dismissed the idea of ordering a salad and glass of ice water. “I would like two double cheeseburgers extra ketchup and pickle on it, extra large fries and a large chocolate shake and two hot apple pies.” He caught Johnny’s glare from the corner of his eye and looked back at the man. “Well, you insisted I eat.”

“Not the whole freakin restaurant!”

His face suddenly got hot, no doubt flushed from embarrassment at Johnny’s harsh words. Nick smiled weakly at the young girl that stood behind the cash register and she eagerly grinned back.

“Judas Kaos, did you order a whole cow or something?” AJ cackled as Nick slid into the booth with his tray.

“Ha ha really funny Bone,” Nick replied as he organized the food on his tray.

“Reedy Nick,” Brian remarked as he wiped his red nose with a tissue.

Concern etched Nick’s face as he gazed at his brother’s pasty complexion. “You look like shit.”

“I feed like it doo.”

“God don’t talk, better yet, don’t even breathe in my space,” AJ warned as he put a protective arm around his food and slid down the booth away from Brian.

Johnny in a booth with Clark, away from the young men but situated himself where he could keep an eye on them - especially Nick.

Meeting the manager’s glare once again, Nick tossed out the idea of only taking a bite of his lunch and quickly decided to eat everything that he ordered. Tearing off the wrapper, he sunk his teeth into the hamburger, taking a huge bite and chewing it with his mouth open.

Brian stared at Nick, a look of disgust on his face. “Chew wid your mouth shud!”

“I am,” Nick snapped back, spraying crumbs on the table.

AJ retreated further into the corner of the booth, dragging his tray along with him, almost situating his body ontop of Howie’s.

“Man AJ, you’re invading my space,” Howie grumbled.

“Sorry, but I don’t want to get sprayed by fatass garbage disposal.”

Nick opened his mouth to object to AJ’s snide remark but instead of a calculated response, a loud burp escaped.

Kevin quickly stood up, hot tea in his hands. “I’m going back,” he sniffed.

“Ride behind you Kebin,” Brian stated as he scooted out of the booth behind his cousin.

“Hey you two,” Johnny called out to Kevin and Brian. Kevin quickly stopped, Brian didn’t, running into the back of his cousin’s ankles. “Blow your noses when you get on the bus and set up that vaporizer, you need to be getting better by tomorrow’s show. You both sound like shit.”

“Nick looks a little green,” Howie observed.

“I’m *hic* fine *hic* H-howard,” Nick moaned.

“Well you sure as hell don’t sound fine to me, you gonna puke your guts out?” AJ cringed as he uttered the last words.

Wadding the hamburger wrapper into a ball, Nick shook his head. “I’m fine, I just want to *hic* get back to the *hic* bus and lay down.”

“Which is the worst thing to do after you stuff yourself,” Howie quietly commented.

Pulling himself from the booth and taking his tray to the trashbin, Nick could almost swear he felt himself waddle towards the exit. His stomach ached so badly he could cry. He overdid it once again to prove a stupid point to Johnny and now he was paying for it with discomfort.

“Okay, get your room assignments and meet back in the lobby in fifteen minutes,” Johnny announced as the bus pulled under the car port to the front entrance of the hotel.

Grabbing his backpack, Nick slinged it over his shoulder, making contact with someone that had been standing too close. He slowly turned and saw Kevin standing in the aisle, the palm of his hand rubbing the left side of his face.

“God Kev, I’m sorry. Lemme see it.”

Kevin shook his head as he continued to rub his cheek. When Nick reached out to pull Kevin’s hand off, he froze when a low growl was made by the oldest Backstreet Boy.

“God, I said I was sorry.”

“If you weren’t such a fumbling fuck up, you wouldn’t have hit Kevin in the face. You better hope to god he doesn’t get a black eye from that,” Johnny hissed as he handed Nick his room card.

Feeling tears stinging his eyes once again, Nick took the room card only to have it slip from his grasp and fall to the floor. He quickly retrieved the fallen laminated card and without making eye contact, stepped off the bus.

Stopping alongside the bus, Nick stammering, he grabbed the attention of the bus driver. “C-can I have my suitcase?”

“You know you’ll get them when the rest of the people on the bus get theirs.”

Feeling stupid about being denied his request, Nick turned on his heel and trudged towards the entrance to the hotel. Looking at the number on his room card, he headed towards the brass colored doors of the elevators. After punching the button for the sixth floor, Nick kept his eyes fixed to the gawdy carpet on the floor of the elevator. The car stopped at his destination, much to Nick’s relief and he quickly exited, walking towards room number 639.

As he started to slip the card into the door slot, Nick thought he smelled the distinctive scent of cigarette smoke. He silently prayed that his mind was playing tricks on him as he slowly cracked the door open. His suspicions were confirmed when he found AJ sprawled across a bed, cigarette dangling from his pursed lips, telephone grasped firmly in his hand.

“God my life sucks,” Nick moaned, flinging the backpack ontop of the empty bed next to AJ’s.

AJ glared at the blonde, shaking his head, taking a deliberate, long drag from the cigarette and exhaled the smoke purposely towards him. It was AJ’s personal way to get his digs into Nick since he hated cigarette smoke.

“Could you blow your fumes in the other direction?”

AJ cupped his hand over the receiver. “Can’t you see I’m on the phone?”

Nick’s only response was nasty glare and sticking his middle finger up. AJ laughed.

“Listen babe, maybe we can meet later tonight, I’ve got some suck ass interview this afternoon but I should be free to check out a club later on tonight.”

Half listening to AJ’s end of the conversation as he flopped his body onto the bed, Nick rolled his eyes and mouthed the words ‘I’m gonna gag.’

“Okay, buh-bye love,” AJ cooed and gently placed the receiver down. Taking a last long drag from the cigarette, he squashed the butt into the ashtray as he exhaled the blueish tinged smoke into the air.

“I hate bunking with you cause I end up reeking of cigarette smoke,” Nick mumbled.

AJ cocked his head to one side, a smile played across his lips. “Yeah I guess smoke and your B.O. is a nasty combination.”

“Fuck you!”

“Listen kid, we have to be with each other until we leave this.... where the sam hell are we?”

“How the hell should I know, ask Howie he seems to keep track of this shit,” Nick sputtered.

“Anyway, as I was saying, we have to be together until we move on to the next venue, so like it or not, we’re roomies for the time being.”

“Not if I complain!”

AJ stood up and drew the curtain back from the window as he peered out onto the courtyard of the hotel. “And who the hell would you be complaining to?”

“Well.. um, well..”

“Well.. um..well, yeah that’s what I thought,” AJ mocked.

“Fuck off and leave me alone,” Nick grumbled.

“Can’t now, we gotta go to the interview asshole,” AJ replied as he snatched the pack of cigarettes and his lighter from the nightstand.

“I’ll be down in a sec, I need to use the bathroom,” Nick announced as he stood up.

“Whatever.”

Nick flipped the door off angrily after it slammed shut. AJ seemed to be the one Backstreet brother that was on his case constantly on this tour and he couldn’t understand why.

As he stood in front of the toilet, he realized that he still had his pants unbuttoned from his McDonald’s binge. Shrugging his shoulders, he unzipped the jeans and relieved himself, keeping one hand on the pants so they wouldn’t fall to the floor.

When the time came to fasten his jeans Nick discovered he was having difficulty meeting the top of the pants close enough to button. His stomach was still bloated and distended from all the food he had consumed.

“Not the first time, won’t be the last,” Nick stated as he left the top undone and adjusted his shirt, as he took one last look in the large bathroom mirror.

“Goddamn it Nick, why the hell did you have to hit Kevin with that backpack? There’s no amount of pancake that’s going to cover his black eye!” Johnny glared as he looked at Kevin Richardson’s face.

“It’s okay Johnny, it was an accident, alright?” Kevin stated calmly.

“Well Carter is getting to be a clumsy oaf and he better start paying more attention to his surroundings or he’s going to be paying for it dearly!”

As Nick squirmed in his seat, he could feel his throat burn with the tears he was desperately trying to keep down. He hated Johnny more than AJ’s cigarette smoke he wished he would get off his back and making an example of him everytime something didn’t go right.

“Johnny, just leave Nick alone, okay? He didn’t do anything wrong.’

‘Thank you Howie for coming to my rescue,’ Nick mentally cried out.

“We’re ready to tape,” the director announced as the hostess took her seat opposite of the boys.

“Watch your step, Carter,” Johnny threatened, “I’ll be watching you!”

“This is so unfair,” Nick mumbled to himself as pulled out a Nintendo game. Once again the rest of the group went out clubbing on one of the rare nights they had off and once again, Nick was left all alone in the hotel room. The interview came off shitty, in Johnny’s normal opinion and one of the first questions posed by the interviewer was the black eye that Kevin had and how did he get it. Nick couldn’t do anything but paste on a false smile as the rest of the guys laughed about how clumsy he was.

He wanted to call Manda, she would be the one that would make him feel better. His own mother would probably agree with Johnny and tell him to clean his act up, Nick theorized. He couldn’t call Manda because that was denied by Johnny when he informed Nick that his spending was way out of control and the phone calls were to cease.

Now Nick’s only source of entertainment was video games and junk food. Sprawled across the bed, he was surrounded by empty candy bar wrappers and pizza boxes and different cans of soda. Winning the video once again, he tossed the controller onto the floor and rolled onto his back.

Staring at the ceiling, Nick’s thoughts drifted towards what everyone else was doing. “I hope they’re having a rotten time,” he said darkly.

The ringing telephone interrupted his lonely thoughts and Nick looked hopefully at the device, silently praying that Manda was calling.

“Hello?”

Hearing the noises of a party in the background, Nick’s enthusasiam was short lived.

“Hey, it’s Kev, just checking to see how you’re doing,” he shouted into the phone.

Instead of speaking, Nick burped loudly into the phone.

“That was pretty rude,” Kevin reprimanded.

“So?”

“What are you doing?”

“What does that matter to you? Go back with the guys and have fun, who cares about me anyway,” Nick spat angrily into the phone.

“I’m asking because I do care,” Kevin yelled, trying to be heard over the loud crowd that was in the background.

“I’m just laying around, there’s so many fun things to do in a hotel room,” Nick scoffed.

“Now I feel bad,” Kevin replied, shouting.

“Hey, room service is here, I gotta go,” Nick said quickly and hung up.

”Nick? Nick? Are you there?”

“What’s the kid up to now?” Johnny asked, hearing Kevin yelling into the receiver.

Hanging the phone up, Kevin turned to face the man. “He’s feeling alone I guess, he mentioned something about room service and I guess he had to go.”

“That damn kid!” Johnny groaned.

Kevin looked at the older man, confusion on his face. “Huh?”

“Carter is supposed to follow a diet and that means no goddamn pizza at,” grabbing Kevin’s arm, he looked at his wrist watch, “twelve-thirty in the goddamn morning!”

“Give the kid a break, he’s alone and he’s bored,” Kevin defended.

“And getting fatter as the tour goes on. This is bullshit!”

Kevin patted Johnny on the back. “Ease up on him, okay? He’s only eighteen.”

“Eighteen pounds heavier,” Johnny grumbled as he walked away.

Munching on a large slice of pepperoni pizza, Nick’s eyes fell onto the telephone sitting on the nightstand. Pushing aside the hurtful words that Johnny had said to him about the phone bill from two days ago, he reached over and pulled the telephone onto the bed.

“Do I or don’t I?” Nick asked himself outloud. A grin spread on his face. “I do!”

Nick giggled like a school girl as he defiantly dialed operator. “Yes, I’d like to make an overseas call.....”

”CARTER! WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO LAST NIGHT!?” Johnny’s voice boomed. Nick and the rest of the group winced when Johnny’s voice boomed in the lobby of the hotel.

“I-I d-didn’t d-do anything. I-I s-stayed in my room last night,” Nick stammered.

Johnny threw the young man a dark expression. “You bet you stayed in your fuckin’ room.”

Nick’s eyes fell onto the paper that Johnny gripped in his hands. Johnny’s eyes followed Nick’s. “Yeah, that’s right Carter, it’s all here. Everything you did last night.”

Nick swallowed nervously, his face grew pale. He had intended on getting to the checkout desk this morning before Johnny got up and pay the phone and room service bill but he overslept.

“You seem to be slow enough that you didn’t realize that your room service and the phone calls I strictly prohibited you from making left a trail?”

“I-I, um, I-I was bored,” Nick stammered quietly.

“Bored my ass! Do you realize you ran up a $350 phone bill last night? Who the hell did you call that cost that much money?”

“Sex line?” AJ joked, smiling. His smile vanished when Johnny glared in his direction.

“I don’t think Carter is brillant enough to figure out how to call sex lines. No, he called someone in the States, in Florida to top it all off and it wasn’t home, was it?”

Nick could only shrug his shoulders.

“And a goddamn room service bill is on here too. What the fuck did you eat last night that totalled $179.50?”

“Room service is pricey,” Brian defended.

Again, a glare was cast by Johnny and Brian’s face reddened.

Johnny stood toe to toe with Nick and started screaming in his face. “You’re fat, you’re lazy and you don’t listen to a goddamn word I tell you! You better watch yourself Carter,” Johnny hissed as he poked Nick’s stomach. “You’re starting to get beyond cute and looking chubby bordering on obese! Mark my words, I’ll be on you like a second layer of skin.”

Nick could only stand and listen to Johnny scolding him. He wished the ground would swallow him up. He never felt more alone and more humiliated than what he did right now.

As if the chewing out in the hotel lobby by Johnny wasn’t enough for Nick’s humiliation, the chaos that went on during the other night’s concert fueled more fire to the ’Let’s-tease-Nick-until-he-cries’ fest. The bus trip was bad enough, but now Nick had to spend the entire trip filled with endless comments and angrily glares directed his way.

“Unfucking believeable,” Johnny spat as he folded the newspaper. He lifted his eyes and stared at the young blonde.

Nick averted his eyes from the manager’s, suddenly becoming interested in the zipper on his backpack. With nervous fingers, he played with the steel tag.

“Lousy reviews from this and it’s your fault again, Carter!”

Breathing quietly, Nick hoped that one of his brothers would step up and tell Johnny to leave him alone.

No one helped and the overbearing manager continued his verbal assualt.

“I think you need to concentrait more on what you’re doing onstage instead of screwing around Carter. You proved that you’re a slob last night.”

Finally, someone else started speaking.

“Yeah, it was funny when his pants fell down to the floor,” AJ snorted.

“I had trouble with the zipper, it wouldn’t work,” Nick defended, his eyes watering.

“Trouble my ass,” Johnny breathed. “You see Nick, zippers are designed to work on the clothes where the person is actually perportioned to the size of the item. In other words, that zipper couldn’t take the stress of the added fat of you trying to squeeze into the pants.”

There was no way Nick was going to admit that he was a little bloated the other night and was having troubles with his costumes. He struggled with every costume change and one outfit would only zip up half way. That was the pants that slipped off him during a mid-spin in a choreographed dance number.

“I’m going to have the tailor see to having your stuff altered, but by no means does that mean you can continue your bad eating habits. We have more time on this tour and at the rate you’ve been going you’ll be weighing 300 pounds by the time we’re done.”

Heat was rising in his cheeks and Nick wanted to die from embarassment. AJ was of no help to the situation when he kept snickering from two seats behind where Nick was sitting.

“Hey fatass how much do you weigh now?” AJ cackled.

Nick only offered silence as his reply. The silence was only interrupted with Brian blowing his nose so hard it honked.

”Well? Don’t you know?” AJ pressed.

“Carter hates to admit that he weighed 200 when the tour started and I bet now he’s probably pushing 220,” Johnny offered.

Nick hung his head, staring at his backpack. This was grade school all over for him. The constant teasing and people picking on him. Backstreet was supposed to be different, he thought. It was gradually becoming everything but.

He cast a wayward glance over towards Kevin, wondering why he didn’t speak up and bail him out. He found Kevin asleep, his head resting against the window, an open book in his lap. Feeling the unshed tears burn in his eyes, Nick suddenly jumped up and walked with his head down towards the rear of the bus towards the bathroom.

“God, he’s a little sensitive this morning,” AJ mused. “Mister moody can’t take jokes.” Glancing over at the space Nick vacated, AJ’s eyes caught a slip of pink flowered paper, neatly folded. A smile played on his lips as he reached over, plucking the paper off the seat.

Opening the paper, AJ discovered feminine handwriting, with all the I’s topped with tiny hearts. He laughed outloud.

“Whad’s so fuddy?” Brian questioned as he wiped his reddened nose.

“It’s a love letter to fatass, from Manda,” AJ sing-songed.

“You shouldn’t be reading other people’s mail AJ, put it back where you found it!” Howie scolded.

“No way,” AJ chuckled as he read the letter. “This is too good to pass up.”

“Seriously J!” Howie continued as he cast a dark look at his best friend.

Clearing his throat, AJ read the letter outloud in a mock feminine voice:

“Buttermuffin, oh gawd!” AJ snorted, shaking his head. Although Howie was mad at AJ reading Nick’s private mail, he couldn’t help but snicker at the name. Composing himself once again, AJ continued:

“Oh my gawd, can this get any worse?” AJ laughed, shaking his head. Scanning the letter, he nodded. “Yes it does, listen to this!”

The men’s laughter quickly died down when Nick walked back up the aisle to his seat. He glanced warily before sitting down.

“Hey Buttermuffin,” AJ catcalled and the laughter started up once again.

A look of confusion washed over Nick’s face when he wondered how AJ knew about Manda’s nickname but quickly decided he must have heard her on the phone. He ignored AJ, as he picked the backpack up off the floor.

“Buttermuffin is sooooo wrong,” AJ continued. “She should be calling you Butterbutt or better yet, Beerbelly.”

Nick felt that a reply to AJ’s teasing wasn’t necessary and he continued his preoccupation with the backpack, intent on finding his Gameboy.

“How’s the little solider doin’? What kind of things does Manda have planned for Little Nick when we get back home?”

Nick stopped his search, feeling the humiliation rise to his cheeks. There were too many coincidences that were being brought up that would mean something other than a phone call. The last words that AJ sang were too close for comfort:

“You are my sunshine, my only sunshine--”

Nick jumped up from his seat and narrowed his eyes at his older Backstreet brother.

“GIVE IT BACK!”

AJ tossed Nick an innocent, confused look. “Give what back?”

Trying to ignore the laughter, Nick continued. “You know exactly what I’m talking about! Give it back!”

AJ held the pink flowered note above his head. “You talking about this?”

Nick reached out to grab the note from AJ’s thin grasp only to have him pull it out of reach.

“Ah, so you want this back?”

“Give it back now,” Nick demanded.

AJ jumped ontop of a seat, making himself taller than the blonde and held the note up over his head, making Nick jump as he tried to reach the letter.

“Please! Give it back!”

As Nick jumped and reached out for the letter, AJ teased him by holding it within arm’s reach, only to draw it back. He laughed and the others joined in on the laughing. Tears started to slip down Nick’s cheeks.

“Crybaby?”

“AJ! THAT’S ENOUGH!”

The letter floated to the floor after Clark’s voice boomed over the laughter. Nick bent over and snatched the wrinkled note from the carpeted floor.

“We were just playing,” AJ defended as he hopped down from his perch.

“Yeah really looks like it too,” Clark challenged. “I could hear it from the front of the bus.”

Grabbing his gear, Nick rushed off towards the safety of the bunks in the back of the bus.

“I think you’ve carried this joke too far and frankly, I’m disappointed in all of you. How would you feel if Nick was doing this to you?” Clark asked as he looked at each of the men in the eye.

“I’d beat his ass,” AJ quipped with a smirk on his face.

“That’s not funny. I’m being serious. What you did to that poor kid will probably betray his trust in all of you. I think you need to be quiet the rest of the ride and think about what just happened here.” Turning towards Johnny, he cast an angry glare at the manager. “The same goes for you too. You’re suppose to stop these situations, not support them.”

Breaking the trance from the perfect dream where he was loved and not teased, Nick kept feeling someone poking on his shoulder.

“Nick, wade up! We’re here.”

Rolling over towards the voice, Nick came face to face with a watery eyed Brian Littrell. Cupping his hand over his mouth and nose, Brian quickly turned away from Nick to sneeze.

“Sorry,” he apologized. “We’re here. Da bus stobbed.”

Groaning, Nick grabbed his backpack and left the safety and security of the warm bunk and followed Brian towards the main area. Johnny was standing towards the front; the ever familiar blue acrylic clipboard in his hands.

“Room assignments have been changed for this stop,” he stated, eyes never leaving the paper attached to the clipboard. “Due to the fact that Howie is now under the grip of what I’d like to call, The Backstreet Flu Bug,” Johnny paused, snickering at his own joke, “Howie, Kevin and Brian will be bunking in a room together. “AJ and Nick will be sharing a room.”

Nick glanced at AJ, wondering what his feelings would be about the room assignment. The grin that was on the man’s face explained it without words.

He would be in for hell.

"Yo!" AJ called out as he banged on the bathroom door, "Hurry up we have to leave in ten."

Stepping out of the shower Nick pulled down the towel from the rack. "I´ll be out in a sec," he shouted back as he wrapped the white towel around his waist. Glancing into the steamy bathroom mirror he stuck his toungue out to the reflection that was staring back at him. With disgust he noticed that his stomach was actually getting pretty big. Sucking in his breath, he tried to make himself look skinny. It didn´t work for long since he had to exhale. He hated his stomach. No matter how much he worked out or went on a diet he still looked like he was bloated. Nick knew that he wasn't actually fat otherwise, for some strange reason it all went to his stomach.

"Crap!" he muttered to himself as his stomach became bigger again. "I´m getting a freakin' beer belly." It was totally ironic since beer was something he seldom touched. It had it´s explanation since he once got so drunk on that stuff one time in Germany. He often said in the media that he never drank and that was not true. Okay, there were not many times that he drank, but like almost all eighteen year old guys he had gotten drunk at some occasions.

The first time he was drunk was on dark larger back in '96. AJ had tricked him into trying it and soon he was having the time of his life. They were riding on the bus and at first the guys had thought he was pretty funny, that was until Nick got the taste of what drinking too much did to your body. Johnny had been scared shitless that the media would find out what the Backstreet baby had done so he had refused stopping. The result had been that Kevin and Brian had taken turns staying up with him in the bus bathroom. It was his worst experience ever and from that day he swore that he would NEVER drink larger again. And he had still kept his promise!

"NICK Get your ass out NOW. We´re getting late!" His thoughts were interrupted by AJ´s harsh words. The banging on the door was deafening. Ignoring Bone's words he pulled up his jeans. As he was about to button them he noticed that they were a bit too tight. 'Shit,' he thought desperatly, 'Johnny is right. I really need to get on that diet'. The management kept telling him that NOBODY liked a fat popstar and that he had to watch what he ate.

No matter how much he tried to pull in his stomach he still looked fat, and the button made his gut hurt. Opening it up again he felt comfort again and he decided that he had to leave it open. If he put on a shirt over no one would notice his demise and he could pull off that stunt.

Nick sighed.

They were going to do another meet and greet before the concert and he didn´t feel like it at all. After traveling the whole day in a bus he was tired and sore. The shower had done a little bit to perk him up, but still he would rather stay in. Maybe call Manda and then go to bed early. Dark bags under his eyes was proof that he wasn´t getting enough sleep. Having shows almost every night was rather exhausting and at some nights he only got a few hours of sleep. This was way too little for a growing teen.

"If you don´t get out of there before I count to three I´m leaving you," AJ barked before counting, "One, two," there was a brief pause, "Okay I am leaving on three."

"Well leave then," Nick yelled back. To tell the truth he was getting fed up with AJ nagging on him all the time. He loved and looked up at his 2 years older brother, but he honestly thought that he was getting way too much crap from him lately. Okay, he knew that Bone was pretty homesick, but he refused to be AJ´s doormat.

"THREE!" AJ yelled, " Bye..Buttermuffin!" A loud laugh was heard before the door slammed shut.

A pang of unease ran through his spine. Nick didn´t like to be alone. As a matter of fact he often wanted some other person at his side and this was the main reason why he often shared hotel rooms with someone else. The guys used to joke with him that he needed someone to hold his hand when he was on the crapper. And this was not far from the truth. Nick had practically died when AJ had told on some Tv show in England that he needed some other person with him when he went to the restroom. Even if it was true, he didnt want the whole world to know what a sissy he was.

When he opened the bathroom door he noticed that AJ had made action of his threat. He was alone. MTV was blasting from the tv in the corner and he was actually happy that it wasn´t all silent. Picking up his jeans jacket he tucked his wallet in his jeans pocket and also grabbed the key card. Checking one more time in the mirror he pulled his hand through his hair and then decided that it would have to be good enough. He still looked like crap, but at least his hair didn´t look so flat and dull anymore. The shower had done him good.

As he hurried down the dusky and damp hallway towards the elevator, he felt his nerves make him all jumpy. Even if he liked the meet and greet it still made him nervous meeting so many fans. A bit further down he spotted Kevin walking slowly and not wanting to be alone he yelled, "Kev, Kev Wait up!"

The dark man, deep in his own thoughts, jumped as he heard the teens loud and shrill voice. Stopping, he waited as Nick run up to him.

"Hey," the blonde said, grinning.

Kevin didn´t return the smile, instead he said in his calm, Kentuckian drawl, "There's no need to shout. I´m not deaf. Yet!" The voice was so hoarse that Nick looked at him with surprise.

"Wow! You sound like that English dude..you know..Rod..Rod Ste..something."

"Rod Stewart," Kevin corrected him with a sigh as he coughed hard into his arm.

"Yeah man," Nick nodded, "How are you going to preform sounding so shitty?"

Kevin shrugged tiredly. The dark man looked haggard. His eyes had a feverish shine into them and he coughed ever so often. His hunched posture revealed that he would rather be buried under tons of blankets instead of doing a show.

The flu was taking their hostage everyday at the Backstreet camp. Today's new victim was Howie and the Latino was everything but fine. He had been holding his head over a bowl the whole afternoon and Johnny had seriously reconsidered that he would be able to pull out. But they were doing a BIG pay per view show and it would be taped for German tv. So there was no backing out.

Brian and Kevin were not as bad off, but with Kev´s hoarsness and B'rok's stuffiness the concert wouldn´t be a huge sucess for the 20,000 people that had bought tickets.

"You should get a red card," Nick said a bit concerned as he pressed on the button to the elevator.

"Yeah right, Bri and D' are sick too you know and I don´t think that it would look good if we didn´t preform at all," Kevin sneered.

Nick looked a bit hurt. "There's no need to sound so pissed," he muttered. God, they were all mad at him. He had no idea what he had done to bug them all so much. Okay, he did his pranks like putting glue in Kevin's boxers or hide all of AJ´s clothes. And then was that time when he put green food coloring in Howie's shampoo and itching powder in their clothes. He was mostly a pain in the butt, yet there were no need to be so upset when all he wanted to be was being concerned.

Kevin most have sensed that he came across sounding harsh, "Sorry Kaos. I didn´t mean to sound like that but I have a splitting headache." He coughed violently.

Fending off the germs that were floating through the air, Nick nodded. "S´okey."

As the car arrived they stepped inside. Luckily it was empty and Kevin instantly leaned against the mirror wall, closing his eyes. Frowning Nick concluded that if Johnny had ANY sense in his small and narrowed brain he would see that several of the guys were too sick to preform. This years attack of the Backstreet bug was bad and he hoped that he wouldn´t be the next victim. Bugs like this had an tendancy to seek him up and he was surprised that it hadn't hit him yet.

When the elevator stopped, Nick spotted his band brothers sitting in the sofas down in the lobby. Both Brian and Howie looked like death reincarnated. AJ was the only one that looked pretty healthy.

Howie slouched on the sofa, leaning heavily against Brian. His facial complexion held a tone of more green than pale and he held a paperbag in his shaking hands. Sweatdrops coated his forehead and upperlip and everyone could see that this boy was not well at all to go up and preform.

Brian sat next him, looking almost as bad off. The flu had moved from his stomach up to his respiratory system and he was coughing phlegm and blowing a nose that was as red as a firetruck. Chills seemed to wrack his skinny body and the glossy eyes told that he was running a high fever.

If Nick had been the manager he would have given all three the red card. Pronto!

Johnny, however had no such ideas. "Good there you are," he stated as he saw the missing Backstreet Boys walking slowly towards them. "I need you Nick and AJ to go out and sign some autographs." The manager nodded towards the entrance where hundreds of fans were waiting for them to come out.

Stiffening, Nick looked outside. Girls in all ages were trying to get inside. They were screaming and panic surged up inside him. "You..you want u..us to go ou..out there?" he stuttered, not believing his ears. Johnny actually wanted to throw them out into that crowd.

Not that he had anything against his fans. On the contrary he was very grateful that they exsisted and showed so much appreciation for them. It was just that such big crowds often made him feel at unease, especially when they were going hysterical, screaming and trying to touch him. Ever since that incicdent last year when a girl had jumped over him, clinging onto his back as he ran inside the hotel, he was scared at meeting crowds like this. She had almost strangeled him and he had gone into panic.

"Yes Carter," Johnny sounded irritated as Nick interrupted him.

"But..but we..we will get crushed." Nick hated how he stuttered when he got nervous, but lately Johnny often made him feel like crap. His self esteem was hitting rock bottom.

The manager sighed heavily. The kid was getting on his nerves." You have any better idea? Maybe I should send out poor Howie to the fans. He could be puking over them. Or maybe Kevin could use sign language to communicate." Sarcasm was dripping. "Brian, Brian he could sneeze up their faces. They are sick, but you Carter, complains that you dont want to go out there beacuse you are afraid to get crushed. Man you sure are pathetic."

Nick shifted nervously, looking down to the floor. The rest of the boys seemed uncomfortable too and the way Brian bit his lip, clenching his fist he looked like he was ready to go up and punch the manager in the face. Yet they all kept their mouth shut, knowing that it was no idea to tell their manager off when he was in a bad mood. It would only come back to them later.

Looking hard at the teen the black man continued, "So do you think that I am asking too much out of you when I want you to go out and meet YOUR fans?"

"No..No" Nick mumbled, "But..but I think.." He was cut off by his manager once again.

"Carter this is NOT an option! You want me to call Lou and tell him that you are still disobeying orders even tough we had a long talk about your attitude?"

Shaking his head furioulsy Nick opened his mouth to interject. AJ mouthed a "NO!" It was clear that he thought it was better that his friend kept his mouth shut and didn´t say anything unwanted. Nick was a specialist to say the wrong things in the worst situation and he often made stuff worse by doing this.

He was about to repeat his mistakes when he whined, "You always nag at me!"

AJ shook his head, franatically trying to change Nick's path in irritating Johnny even further. Looking around in the lobby he tried to spot Clark Kent who was the only one who could stop the disaster that was about to happened.

But superman was nowhere when you needed him!

Ignoring AJ´s desperate attempt to get him to shut up before he said something stupid, Nick continued in an irritating tone, "I will call my parents and tell them that you are treating me like crap!"

There are situations when Nickolas Gene Carter should have hold his mouth shut, and this was one!

The manager, set his eyes into the teen, "Are you threatning ME? You little punk!" There were a threat in his voice. "I really think you should reconsider what you are saying. I wouldn´t be too cocky if I had a hundred dollar long distance phone call waiting to get paid. And I somehow doubt that Mommie Dearest would like to pay up for that one."

Nick tensed. It was true. His mother wasn´t too found of Manda and she would rather see him leave her on the spot. Biting his lip he went silent.

Instead Kevin's hoarse voice was heard in the lobby, "A hundred dollar bill! What were you thinking?" The scolding was hanging in the air. "If it was AJ I would have understood, but you Nick?"

"Well thank you buddy," AJ muttered in the background, still shaking his head as he knew that Nick had dug his own grave. He could only hope that Johnny wasn´t in such a bad mood that it would be a massgrave. Judging from the managers foul look the outcome wasn´t promising.

Ignoring the skinny man, Kevin continued with almost no voice, " I wouldn´t have expected this from you. Is she really worth it?"

"NO!" AJ called out, getting a pissed look from Nick. Both Brian and Howie felt too bad to even consider to participate in the conversation.

"Eh..eh," Nick stuttered not knowing what to say.

The annoyed bottled up feelings that the manager had towards the "kid" was flaring up again. Nick was a hand full and he needed to be taught some sense. "I could just as easily decide that you are not," he stopped momentarily, thinking what to say next, "allowed to call ANY long distance phone calls at all."

"NO!" Nick yelled, "No, you can´t!" There was desperation in the eighteen year old voice. He was seeing all of his daily phone calls with Manda get washed down the drain. She would be so pissed that he didn't know if he could face her when he came back home. She would be so upset that he had screwed up and not calling her so he doubted that she would ever want to see him again.

AJ waved desperately for Nick to stop whining since he saw that Johnny's eyes turned suddenly black. It was like horns grew out from his skull as he turned towards the teen, leaning in on him. "Really? You think so?" Spit was flying from his mouth as he talked through gritted teeth, trying to stay calm. "Well from now on ALL long distance phone calls are called off, except to your family."

It was like Johnny had stabbed a knife into his heart and Nick could feel panic surge up inside him. "NO!" he called out, desperately. There was no way he could get to Manda now and when she didnt hear from him she would think that he had cheated and then she would breake up. Tears welled up in his eyes. He was surprised over how incredibally mean the manager could be. Johnny loved being in demand. He had liked the black man when they had started in the business, but the more successfull they had become the more greedy he became and the smaller Nick felt.

Kevin laid a comforting hand on his shoulder, squeezing hard. No words had to be said, but Nick could sense that the young man felt bad for him. The teen had frozen assets and he had to relay on the management for stuff like that. As a matter of fact they all had a bit of frozen assets and this was the main reason why Kevin was taking it up to a lawyer.

But Johnny wasn´t finsihed yet, "Lou called me earlier and he mentioned that you all have too high telephone calls. So until further notice I am cutting off all outgoing long distance phone calls that isn´t for family." He looked at each of them, "And that goes for you ALL of you."

The words that followed down in the lobby was not meant for human ears. Nick could swear that he saw the satisfaction in the manager's eyes. It was something different with Johnny these days and he suspected that he had a hunch that Kevin had spoken with a lawyer about getting out from Lou and the guys. There were also several rumors that Johnny was setting up a new group with some guys from Florida. Howie had mentioned that an old highschool friend of his named Chris was supposedly having contact with Lou and Johnny. Yet they couldn´t think that the Firm was that stupid that they signed another band.

"Ladies!" Johnny shouted when he thought that they had been arguing long enough. "I know that you are upset, but I honestly think AND hope that you are so mature that you don´t have to call back to your girlfriends every fucking day!" The comments that followed was not nice. Ignoring this he turned to Nick, "Well if you are done acting like pussies maybe you are up to fullfilling your obligations. And this means that you, Carter and Mclean better get your asses out there and greet the fans." He pushed their backs forward towards the entrence.

Glaring at his manager Nick wanted to flip him off.

Noticing the sour look, Johnny stated, "I don´t think that the girls would appreciate that grumpy face. You better put on the Backstreet smile or I´m kicking your ass."

AJ walked beside him and even if he was so pissed at the teen he couldn´t help to grin. Johnny spotting this said, "Wipe off that smug grin off your face, because it is because of the blonde here you don´t get to talk to Amanda for a while."

AJ´s smile faded as quickly as it appeared and he glared irritated at his little brother. Nick feeling the tension told a lame joke, just to be met with a hard stare from his brother. Smiling nervously, wetting his lips he felt awful when he knew how much Amanda meant to AJ, even if he was cheating on her ever so often. That was a part that Nick couldn´t understand - but then it was many things that he couldn´t understand with AJ!

As they were about to step outside to meet the fans, AJ leaned into Nick, whispering, "If Johnny does this so I'm not getting to call Amanda I will get pissed," he paused slightly, "and then your ass is grass!" With those words AJ opened the doors and stepped outside to the screaming hoard of fans. Their bodyguards were doing the best to fend off the fans that were attacking Bone. He smiled to all of them.

Nick however, was not smiling.

"God it´s warm," Nick mumbled as he threw off the sheet, tossing and turning for what seemed like the umpteenth time that night. Catching a quick glance at the red glowing digitals on his travel clock he registered that it was early in the morning. 4.25 am!

The show the previous night had been very taxing and even though Nick was totally exhausted, he still felt too worked up to sleep. He hadn´t even managed to get an eye shut the whole night and soon it would be time to get up and meet the world again. The reason for his worriedness was called Alexander James McLean and he was nowhere to be seen.

The concert had been a total disaster! Not only had the flu hit them in the back, showing it´s ugly face with having three of them preforming with a fever running in their veins, no Nick had to be the worst klutz too.

When he was about to do a backflip, like he had done thousands of times before, he slipped and fell flat on his back. It had knocked the air out of him and he lay there, panting like a dying fish on dry land. It took awhile for the rest to register that Nick was still laying on his back, and normally one of them would have rushed to his aid, but today they were all too busy to cope, trying hard to stay on their own feet.

Howie, who was sick as a dog throwing up backstage, was the one that saw that Nick wasn´t getting back on his feet in the same pace as he usually did. He went over and offered a hand and dragged him up. A frown was etched on the Latino's face and even if he was so sick that he looked like an zombie he still managed to ask how the teen was doing. Regaining his breath, Nick had acted like nothing was wrong. He couldn´t let them know that he was hurt since they were all trying to do their best so this wouldn´t end up becoming the worst preformance in the Backstreet history. It was nearing this state pretty fast!

D' was one of the nicest guys that Nick knew and mentally Nick decided that her wouldn´t tease and play so many pranks on him like he usually did. Howie was an easy target to tease and he had a habit to pick on the Latino in all kinds of situations. Sweet D' often laughed and didn´t seem too effected. But if anyone thought that Howie D' was lame and didn´t have a temper they couldn´t be more mistaken. He was perfectly capeable of telling Nick off when he thought that the teen had crossed the line.

Rubbing his sore back, Nick winced. 'I better go and ask Kev for some pain medictaion tomorrow at breakfast,' he thought as he could have slapped himself for forgetting to bring a package of Tylenols with him on this tour. Since the schedule often messed up his system he was sometimes coming to the point where he was chewing aspirins like they were M&M's just to be able to stand upright.

His sore back had made it impossible to do some dance moves and AJ had afterwards commented that he looked like he had shit his pants. When the show was over Johnny had chewed them out. He said that they sucked worse than a bunch of ladies from an retirement home trying to do jazz dance. He had told them that they better shape up their act and he didn´t buy that kind of nonsense that they were acting so bad because they were feeling sick.

"Okay," he had said, "Three of you are sick, but what excuses do the rest of you have? This is a team and you are suppose to stand up for each other when any of you are feeling bad. This I saw nothing from today. As a matter of fact, you Nick and you AJ sounded worse than the Three Stooges," the manager waved with his hand towards the three miserable Backstreet Boys that sat on the sofa, looking like they were about to fall over any second.

It was more and more clear that Johnny was feeling the pressure from some direction, possibly the Firm and their sponsors. He was having a fit as his hands were tied to his back. The black man didn´t seem to enjoy his new role as Caligula, yet there wasn't much that he could do about it. The firm was in his hair and they were tightening the grip for some unknown reason.

After Johnny had chewed AJ and Nick out, the skinny man clamped shut. No attempts to get Bone in a better mood worked. Nick had tried his tricks, but the look he received from AJ said that he better shut up or he would end up in the ER with his face re-arranged. Alexander was not an violent man, but the teen had a habit to test his temper in a bad way.

As soon as they had gone back to the hotel, Kevin, Brian and Howie went straight to their shared room, trying to cure the illness so they would be fit for fight until the upcoming day. The schedule was hectic and early in the morning they would go to the next city and there awaited lots of interveiws, a meet and greet and one more concert. Nick had long forgotten where they were and all German cities looked about the same. He was actually grateful that he hadn´t screwed up and said "Hello England" or something like that to the people in Germany. They would soon be leaving for Austria and Switzerland. Brian had asked if Nick wanted to come into the sick abyss and watch a movie with them, but he had declined. It didn´t sound too tempting and somehow he convinced himself that he could do without watching the guys expelling all kinds of nasty human substances.

Instead he took the bull by the horns and went into the hotel room that he and AJ shared for the time being. The earier threats that AJ would kick his ass if Johnny locked him out off calling Amanda, hung heavily in the air. Bone wasn´t nasty, but he wasn´t overly nice either.

Nick threw himself on the bed and the turned on the Mtv. His back hurt from his earlier mishap, yet he didn´t want to say this to anyone, mainly because they were too busy attending to their own desmises. AJ didn´t seem that interested either. As a matter of fact he more or less treated Nick like he was thin air.

If it was something Nick disliked it was when they were acting like he didn´t exist. He would rather be the victim of a good beating up, than getting fully ignored. All attempts to make a conversation with AJ was futile and the man was giving him the cold shoulder, making him feel left out.

"I´m going clubbing with Ritch and Bob and some other guys," AJ announced as he came out from the bathroom, having changed to a more outgoing look.

"Now?" Nick looked surprised, "I mean it is almost midnight and you know we have to get up early tomorrow and.." He didn´t have a chance to finish his sentence before AJ cut him off.

As much as Nick hated to admit it, he was enjoying the fact that the focus of nit-picking from Johnny had been temporarily turned from him onto AJ. He did his best to protect him from the wrath, but the 8am breakfast call wasn’t long enough for any human being to sober up, AJ McLean included.

Trying his best to stall the bus trip to the next town for a few hours, Nick begged the manager that they needed a little more time to gather some things but Johnny responded with an icy no-can-do and told the boys to pack their gear and be ready in twenty minutes after breakfast. Nick tried lying to the man, telling him that AJ seemed to have caught the ‘Backstreet Flu Bug’, but Johnny only laughed and stated that the ‘brown bottle flu’ wasn’t a good reason to delay their trip.

Sighing as he slipped another CD into the walkman, Nick wondered how much longer they would be stuck on the bus. AJ had been leaning against him ten minutes into the ride and Nick could have sworn that the alcohol was emanating from the man’s pores.

As grumpy as AJ was from the hangover he was nursing, he did manage to thank Nick for helping him out but added that “Johnny was being an ass and wanted to punch his face in.”

Nick’s only reply to that was, “Now you know how I feel, it’s not fun being picked on, is it?”

Looking around the bus, Nick noticed that he was the only person that seemed to be awake besides the bus driver. Kevin was laying back, seat reclined, his arms crossed lightly over his chest, an ever familiar novel laying in his lap. Howie occupied the seat next to Kevin, box of tissues setting next to him, a used pile of Kleenex overflowed in a small paper sack. His head was resting on Kevin’s shoulder as he slept.

A bump in the road caused Howie’s head to roll off of Kevin’s shoulder, a big wet mark remained where his face had been. Nick couldn’t help but smile when he realized that Howie had been drooling in his sleep.

Kevin would be pissed if he knew!

Brian has long since retreated to the back of the bus and his bunk. Nick suddenly wished he was laying down too. The pain in his back from the stunt he had failed at during the concert the other night still hadn’t gone away it seemed to have gotten worse as time went on. He shied away from asking Kevin for pain meds. He didn’t want to make a big deal out of it and had hoped it would go away on it’s own.

The bus rolled to a stop and Nick looked out at the hotel through the tinted bus windows.

New hotel, new city, no clue where he was again.

The one thing that wasn’t any different from the last stop was the cluster of hormonal teenage girls standing by the entrance. Signs written in a language Nick couldn’t speak, let alone read were held aloft, bobbing up and down. The coughing from the front of the bus snatched Nick from his gaze and when he caught the site of Johnny, his mouth dropped open.

The tall man seemed to be ill, his eyes glazed with a certain fever and he was mopping his face with a damp handerchief. He had been caught in the snares of the Backstreet Flu. In between coughs, Johnny stated quickly that the boys would have to get their room assignments at the front desk - he was too sick to go in through the crowd of girls to get to the entrance and they would have to fend for themselves.

Nick rolled his eyes at the statement Johnny had uttered. Seemed when Johnny got sick, the world came to an end and he wouldn’t lift a finger to do his normal tasks.

“Judging by the crowd that has gathered, someone tipped these teenies off to where you were staying, so I suggest that you run and run quick since detail isn’t riding on this bus and they had engine trouble and won’t be arriving for awhile,” Johnny advised, coughing harshly at the end of the sentence.

Lifting his head gingerly, AJ lowered his shades and squinted at the image on the other side of the bus windows. Upon seeing the group of teens standing by the entrance, he whispered, “Holy fuck.”

“Yeah, tell me about it,” Nick sighed.

Sliding the glasses back into place, AJ moaned as he stood up. “I love my job.”

“That didn’t sound too convincing,” Nick grinned.

“Wasn’t suppose to be.”

Brian, Kevin and Howie grouped together and sprinted from the bus through the disappointed fans to the lobby entrance. AJ rubbed his temples hearing the screams filtering into the bus when the door opened.

“Just what I needed today,” he mumbled. “You running with me?”

As he started to stand, pain shot through his back and he quickly sank down into his seat, pretending to be preoccupied with his backpack. “Nah, I’ve got to collect my games, go on, I’ll be right behind you.”

Nick watched as AJ ran from the sea of ravenous fans. The girls looked pretty excited and he was praying that some miracle would happen with his body guard showing up at the last moment.

He knew it was now or never as he looked at the group that had now faced the bus, no doubt waiting for the last Backstreet Boy to show his face. Nick felt like this was akin to a ‘showdown, like the last stand at the O.K. Corral.’ Taking a breath in, he slowly stood up, letting out a quick gasp when his change in positions created another searing pain in his lower back.

Placing a hand over the painful area, he discovered that if he hunched over as opposed to standing straight, the pain lessened. He knew there would be no way he could run so dragging his backpack, he pasted a smile with gritted teeth and entered the den of wolves.

”ICH LIEBE DICH NICK!”

”HEIRATEN SIE MICH!”

Moving as fast as his body would allow, Nick smiled through his pain, tears forming in his eyes. The girls were like pirhana, circling it’s bloody prey, waiting to strike. Nick could actually sense it, and the hair stood up on the back of his neck.

‘Shit,’ he groaned inwardly as the girls started pressing him, pushing him where he didn’t want to go. He was caught up in the throngs of a panicked crowd. His feet didn’t obey his commands and he was being carried away further and further from the entrance and more towards the side of the bus.

In a sudden change of actions, a sea of hands came at him from all different angles, grabbing, pulling at his hair and his clothes. One girl yanked his coveted backpack from his grasp and squealed with obvious delight in stealing her prize.

Nick could hear the hair being pulled from his scalp and cried out praying that they would stop. As his tee shirt was being ripped from his body, he yelped an animalistic cry, but the frenzie didn’t stop.

Standing at the check in counter, waiting for his room card, Kevin could hear the boisterous crowd outside the hotel. He smirked thinking that Nick was playing to the fans. His grin faded when he saw the look that was pasted on the woman and man’s face behind the desk. His eyes darted from each face and slowly turned to see what they were upset over.

Dropping the card on the counter, Kevin started off towards the front door, stopping in mid step. “Shit, I can’t go out there,” he grumbled, frustration in his voice. He quickly turned back towards the front desk. “Is there security?”

Stunned at the scene that was happening outside her hotel, the woman stood frozen.

”WE NEED SECURITY OR THE POLICE OR SOMETHING!” Kevin boomed, snapping the woman out of her trance.

She quickly picked up a phone and barked something into the receiver, urgency was definately conveyed in her voice.

“Please stop!” Nick whimpered.

One girl managed to put her arms around him, locking him in the tightest hug he had ever endured. No one seemed to realize how scared Nick was, they were playing with him, like a cat playing with a mouse before the kill.

Helplessly, Kevin stood at the windows along with Brian, watching Nick getting pressed against the tour bus. As he attempted to go out to help his little brother, Brian pulled him back.

“Don’t you’ll only add to this, help is coming,” he reassured.

“What the hell is taking so long?” Kevin demanded, wringing his hands as he watched Nick’s wild eyes.

“Look!” Brian pointed, relief evident in his voice.

The police didn’t seem too kind to the young girls, pushing them aside like they were rag dolls as they headed towards the trapped young man, pressed against the bus. When they finally reached Nick, he was scratched, bleeding and his shirt was ripped to shreds. He was shivering but it wasn’t from the cool air, it was from the adrenaline flowing through his veins.

One of the police officers wrapped a fatherly arm around the young man’s shoulders as he guided him towards the hotel entrance. A young girl stepped in front of the path, holding up Nick’s backpack.

“I got this back for you,” she stated in a soft voice.

Nick reached out hesitantly for the bag, not ready to trust anyone at the moment, fearful that she would grab his wrist and pull him into her.

“It’s okay, I just want to give this back to you. I-I didn’t steal it from you,” she stammered.

Accepting his bag from the girl, he managed to whisper a quick “thanks.”

Nick didn’t feel safe until they crested the threshold of the hotel entrance and he was quickly pulled into a warm hug by Kevin and Brian. He collapsed into their arms, sobbing.

“That motherfucker,” Kevin growled as he thought about how Johnny was too lazy to ensure their safety.

Brian’s eyes locked onto Kevin’s and although no words were spoken, Kevin knew that Brian was in agreement with Johnny’s lack of judgement in placing the boys at a high risk situation. Their displeasure of the situation intensified when Johnny sauntered into the lobby, dragging his plaid carryon bag by the handle.

Kevin rushed over to the manager, restraining himself from punching the man in the face. “You sonofabitch! What the hell were you thinking!” he demanded as he approached Johnny.

“Richardson, I’m sick, I’m tired, can we talk about this later?”

Kevin narrowed his eyes at the sickly figure standing hunched over as he leaned against the counter. “No, this can’t wait! I want answers!”

Johnny looked up at Kevin’s face. “Answers to what? You aren’t happy with the room assignments?”

Kevin slammed his fist onto the counter, causing the people standing behind it to jump and turn their attention in Kevin’s direction. “Goddamn it! You know exactly what I’m talking about!”

Johnny pulled a white handkerchief from his back pocket and wiped his nose. “Oh you mean Carter’s incident with the admiring fans?”

Kevin glared at the man. “How the fuck can you just stand there and act like it’s nothing? Nick could have been crushed! He was in danger and it’s all because you were too goddamn lazy to do your fucking job!”

Johnny chuckled sarcastically. “You seem to think my job is a bed of roses, don’t you? You have no idea, do you?” Johnny challenged. “I have spent the last year taking care of your snotty spoiled asses and I think you’re blowing this all out of proportion! Grow up Richardson!”

Kevin grabbed the managers shirt and pulled him into his face. “Listen you asshole, this isn’t far from over! Mark my words, this isn’t over yet!”

When Kevin released Johnny from his grasp, the dark man smoothed the wrinkles from his shirt and rolled his eyes at the hotel employees behind the counter. “Pop Stars!”

“Nick, Brian’s got his card, we’ll worry about registering you later, you’re bunking with him anyway, let’s get you to your room, okay?” Kevin urged, his voice tinged with anger from what had just gone on with Johnny.

Nick sighed shakily, tears slipping down his cheeks. He was ashamed that he was crying, but he couldn’t help it. What happened out there five minutes ago scared him. He was crying from the emotional stress of the situation as well as from the pain in his back that seemed to have intensified from being slammed against the bus by the crowd.

“Led me take dat,” Brian offered as he gently reached for Nick’s backpack.

Kevin noticed Nick’s hunched posture. “Are you okay?”

Nick shook his head no, but uttered the words, “yes.”

Worried, Kevin started firing the questions as they walked towards the elevator. “What’s wrong? Do you need to be checked out? Are you hurt?”

“Just get me to my room so I can lay down,” Nick mumbled.

“Nick, are you sure you’re feeling okay? This is like the fourteenth trip to the bathroom in about an hour,” Brian questioned as he watched Nick slowly walk back to his bed.

“How come you’re not stuffed up?” Nick asked, trying to change the subject.

Brian gave Nick a lopsided grin. “That’s because I just blew my nose.”

“Keep it up, it works for you,” he joked.

Brian watched as Nick slowly laid his body back onto the bed. He could see the pain etched in his young friend’s face. “Nick something seems seriously wrong, are you sure you’re okay?”

Nick waved Brian’s concerns off. “You worry too much. Nothing that a few pain killers won’t cure. In fact” Nick started out saying as he gingerly raised his body from the bed. “I better take some more.”

“I think we should see about getting you checked out,” Brian pressed.

“Hey, I got slammed against the damn bus by a bunch of girls, like that’s never happened before. I’m just a little sore, alright? Just drop it, I’ll be fine,” Nick insisted.

Brian ran his hands through his hair. “God, you’re gonna kill me, ya know that Kaos?”

Shutting the bathroom door behind him, Nick opened the small bag where he stowed some of Kevin’s pain meds he had accepted from him after they got to their rooms. Grabbing a glass, he started to fill it with tap water but stopped, remembering that bad incident one time after drinking water accidently from Spain.

Glancing at the toilet, Nick decided although he had just been there, he had better make good use of it right now before he laid down again. It hurt when he emptied his bladder, but he was assuming it was from all the pushing and shoving he had endured hours earlier. His back still hurt, and Nick knew that was from the stunt he had tried at the concert the night before.

As he relieved himself, Nick looked at the walls, the ceiling, the shower stall; everyplace but where he was doing his business. When he started to slide his sweatpants back up, he glanced down into the toilet and narrowed his eyes, doing a double take. He could have sworn that the urine looked reddish.

“It has to be this funky water,” Nick decided as he flushed the toilet, dismissing the evidence.

Hobbling back into the room, he opened the stocked fridge and pulled out a bottle of water. With one quick sweep, he uncapped the bottle and shoved the pills into his mouth, swallowing a generous gulp of the cool water, all the while, Brian kept him under his watchful eye.

Settling slowly back onto the bed, Nick groaned. Feeling Brian’s gaze, he sighed. “I said I’d be fine.”

“I knobe,” Brian sniffed.

“Blow your nose,” Nick directed.

“Hey Bri?”

“Yeah?”

“I was talking to one of my friends the other day, and he was telling me that he was passing blood in his urine, how would he know that, I mean do you know what that looks like?”

“A friend?” Brian asked suspiciously.

“Yeah, one of my friends from home,” Nick defended. “Oh just skip it. Forget I even said anything.”

“Nick are you peeing blood?”

“Just drop it, it’s not me I told you it’s Angel--”

“I thought you said it was a friend,” Brian interrupted.

“Well yeah, um, hell just forget I brought it up, okay?”

“Nick, if this is about you, we need to get you to a doctor, this is something serious and you shouldn’t mess around with it!”

Nick staged a fake, overexaggerated yawn. “I’m gonna take a nap, wake me up in a couple of hours, okay?”

“God Nick, you’re gonna drive me crazy,” Brian sighed.

“Stop being a worrywart, you seriously are pissing me off,” Nick snapped, turning his back to his brother.

“I am so gonna be watching you Nickolas,” Brian mumbled as he stared at Nick’s back.

“I can’t believe that after what happened earlier to Nick that Johnny is still making him do this,” Kevin sputtered, glancing over towards the napping Nick Carter. Safe in his dreams.

“That man has no heart whatsoever,” Brian agreed.

“We don’t have a choice but to wake the poor kid up I guess,” Kevin sighed.

“I’ll do it, you go make sure AJ and Howie are getting ready, I can handle Nicky,” Brian offered.

Shrugging his shoulders, Kevin turned and left the room, tossing a quick, “Good luck,” as he closed the door.

Brian stared at his young friend for a few moments before making a move to snatch away the peaceful dreams that Nick seemed to be having. It looked like a film of sweat covered the boy’s flushed face but Brian quickly dismissed that as the probabilty of the layers of blankets that Nick had heaped across his body.

Gently rubbing Nick’s shoulder, Brian cleared his hoarse voice. ‘Nick? Nick buddy, time to wake up.”

“Mom, can I stay home today? I don’t feel good,” Nick sleepily begged, eyes still closed.

Brian grinned. Nick called him Mom.

“Nick, it’s Brian, you have to get up, we have a meet and greet in an hour.”

Nick’s lids fluttered open, his bloodshot blue eyes searched Brian’s face, seeming to try to figure out what was happening.

“Nick, we’re in Germany,” Brian explained. He could tell that Nick’s fogged up mind still wasn’t comprehending the words. “We’re on tour, remember?”

“Fuck,” Nick groaned. “Why do we have to do this? I seriously don’t feel so hot.”

Brian shook his head. “You know Johnny, he’s very strict with the schedule. You better go grab a shower.”

Sighing, Nick slowly dragged his body from the warm bed. The slight headache he had told him that he more than likely was running a temp and Nick wondered if he was going to be struck with the flu bug like the rest of them.

The bathroom lights hurt his eyes as he flipped them on. He turned on the shower, adjusting the temperature and after he slipped out of his sweaty clothes and faced the toilet.

Biting his lower lip, Nick tried not to cry out as he emptied his bladder. This time he watched and this time there was no mistaking that the urine was in fact blood tinged. Instead of heeding the warnings of what could be happening, Nick mentally decided that he wasn’t drinking enough fluids.

Gingerly stepping into the warm water, Nick let the water rinse over his aching back, closing his eyes as the warmth relaxed his body. Brian’s yelling on the other side of the door dragged Nick from his daze.

“Hey! You better step on it, we have to meet up in the lobby in less than ten minutes and Johnny will have our butts in a sling if we’re late!”

“Yeah,” Nick snapped and quickly lathered his body and then shampooed his hair. Stepping out of the shower, he towled himself off and then wrapped the white towel around his waist. Wiping the steam off the mirror, Nick stared at his reflection for a moment in the mirror. After sticking his tongue out in disgust, he pulled his shaving kit out and unearthed his toothbrush and toothpaste.

“I’ll lay your stuff out for you so you can just get dress,” Brian offered.

Rolling his eyes, Nick groaned. “I’m not a baby, I think I can dress myself!”

“I know, I just wanted to help you out, I can tell you’re pretty sore from earlier.”

Before leaving the privacy of the bathroom, he dragged a comb through his hair and tried to get it to look halfway decent. Taking a breath in, he unlocked the door and slowly walked out.

“I’m not wearing that,” Nick protested, pointing at the pair of jeans and shirt that Brian had laid out on the bed for him.

“God, why not?”

“Because.”

“Nick quit acting like a two year old,” Brian snapped, folding his arms defensively across his chest. He watched as Nick headed for his back and couldn’t help but notice that his stomach was looking a little bigger. He was definately getting heavier - just like Johnny had remarked about a few days ago.

Nick pulled out a pair of sweatpants and a different tee shirt. “I’m wearing this!”

“Sweats to a meet and greet?”

“Yes I am.”

“Could it be that maybe you can’t fit into your jeans anymore?” Brian instantly regretted his words when he saw the hurt look in Nick’s eyes.

“NO. I’m wearing them because I’m sore from being shoved into the bus,” Nick lied. Part of his reason was true, he was sore and if he wore the jeans that had now started to become too snug to button, it would put more pressure on his back. Nick decided to play out his discomfort on being jerked around by the excited fans. “Those girls were rough on my back.”

“I’m not gonna stick up for you when Johnny yells about what you’re wearing, okay?”

“I wasn’t expecting you to,” Nick huffed. He slowly raised a leg to step into a pair of boxers and let out a small whimper.

“Let me help you,” Brian offered as he rushed up towards Nick.

Nick brushed him off. “I think I can do this, do you know how gay this would look with you holding onto my underwear while I stepped into them?”

“Nick, quit being so stubborn, no one is gonna see this,” Brian insisted, snatching the boxers from Nick’s hands.

Reluctanly, Nick accepted the help from his older brother and slowly stepped into the boxers releasing his grip from the white towel once the boxers had gone up to his knees.

“I think I can manage the sweats and the shirt,” Nick remarked as he slowly ambled towards the bed with the clothing tucked under his arm.

Brian could only shake his head as he watched Nick painfully walk towards the bed. “You really should get checked out. You could have hurt something.” Getting met by a dark look from Nick, Brian added, “Maybe not.”

“Carter, you look like a piece of shit!” Johnny snapped as he glared at the youngest Backstreet Boy. “It’s a meet and greet, not a hoe down. Why the hell are you wearing sweatpants?”

“Johnny, ease up on the kid, he’s been through hell,” Kevin snapped, glaring at him with watery eyes.

“You look like shit too,” Johnny added, stopping to pull out a handkerchief from his pocket. “You infected everyone with this!”

“So what if I did? Can’t take being sick?”

“What the hell is that suppose to mean?” Johnny spat.

A small smile crept onto Kevin’s lips.

“Look at you! Grinning like a stupid ass, you don’t know what to say back do you?” Johnny mocked.

“Oh, I know what to say, I’m not gonna waste my breath saying it,” Kevin replied before his body was attacked with another bout of coughing.

“Johdee, leb Nib ablone,” Brian warned.

Johnny rolled his eyes at Brian. “God, you sound like shit!”

“Nobe shit,” Brian quipped.

“God all of you are diseased except for fatass Carter here. His only ailment is that he’s a pussy and fat,” Johnny smirked and then started a sneezing fit.

Brian smiled watching Johnny sneezing eight times in a row, gasping for breath after the fourth sneeze. “God is good.”

Nick never uttered a word, he just wanted to be left alone and he knew that if he said anything to defend himself, Johnny would only attack him further. His words hurt him but he didn’t respond to the verbal attack by his manager.

“Okay ladies, you know where you have to sit, go over there and play to the adoring crowd of your faithful fans and make some money,” Johnny directed, gesturing with his head. “Oh, and McLean, try to keep your bodily functions to yourself you sick bastard.”

Lowering his shades slightly, AJ managed to cast a glare at the man and held up his middle finger with defiance. He knew Johnny was referring to the fact that his body was betraying him right now with the hangover mixed with the flu that was creeping up into his system. The van ride was anything but spring air fresh. He would have responded to Johnny’s comments, but his throat was bothering him and AJ knew he had to keep as quiet as possible to reserve what little voice he had left for tonight’s concert - if there would be one!

Howie and AJ made their way to the long table and sat in their assigned seats next to each other. Kevin sat in the middle of the group as always, with Brian next to Kevin and Nick at the very end.

Nick was grateful that his seat was at the end of the table nearest the exit. His sore back and bladder had caused him to have more frequent trips to the restroom and with his own diagnosis and prescription of drinking more fluids, he knew he would be in for several trips to use the facilities.

“Nicky, can I trade seats with you?” AJ whispered, his voice barely audible.

Setting his bottled water down Nick shook his head negatively. “No, I need to be close to the bathroom.”

AJ fidgeted in his chair. “Well, I need it more than you. I’ve got the shits.”

“Then you better not fart,” Nick advised, ignoring the pleading brown eyes.

“Okay, I’m going to let them open the doors,” Johnny announced as his eyes swept over the pale, sickly group. “God, you all look like shit! Sharpen up! We don’t need to have them think you’re on your deathbeds.”

“Like we can control this,” Howie mumbled. AJ and Kevin nodded in agreement.

“Yeah,” Brian remarked softly. “I’d like to be home in my bed right now, buried under the thick comforter, shades drawn--”

“Showtime guys,” Kevin interrupted Brian’s thoughts.

AJ winced when the talkative crowd rushed into the conference room. He rubbed his temples trying to settle the headache that made it’s home in the front of his skull and intensified as minutes passed. Howie noticed his movements and leaned over.

“Are you gonna be okay?”

AJ’s only reply was a quick shrug of his shoulders.

The only good thing about the meet and greet, Kevin decided, was that they would be too preoccupied with the repetitive signing of their names to dwell on their ailments for the moment. Pasting a smile on his face, Kevin accepted a CD from a young girl and quickly scrawled “Kevin Richardson.” across the front.

After about the tenth autograph, Nick’s back starting hurting again and he felt the urgent need to not only stand up but to use the facilities. Slowly, he stood up, resting the palms of his hands on the table for support. He caught Brian’s concerned gaze and quickly told him that he was fine, just a little sore from sitting.

Johnny’s look was anything but concerned. He glared and as the saying goes if looks could kill, Nick would have been dead. He quickly looked away from the manager’s threatening glare, pasting a pained smile on his face.

As he signed another autograph, a sharp pain raced through his back causing him to accidentally drop the black felt marker. Brian heard Nick gasp and quickly stood up.

“Nick?”

Embarrassed by being the sudden focus of attention coupled with the fact that the pain was making it difficult for him to stand straight, Nick managed to reach out and brush Brian’s helping hand aside. Without saying anything, Nick walked past the fan holding out the dropped marker and slowly attempted to walk towards the exit only to have Johnny stand between him and the door.

”Sit back down!” Johnny ordered in a harsh whisper.

“I-I have t-to use th-the bathroom,” Nick stammered.

”It can wait!”

Nick furiously blinked his eyes, trying to keep the tears at bay. “I-I c-can’t.”

”You can and you will, Carter! Go sit back down!” Johnny barked.

A dark look crossed Nick’s tearfilled eyes. Shaking his head, he took a hand and pushed Johnny aside with all the strength he could muster. ”Carter! Get the hell back here!”

Nick kept on his mission, despite the manager’s yelling. He hoped that relieving his bladder would take the pain away from his back and no one was going to stop him.

Not realizing that all eyes in the conference room was on him, Johnny kept up in his childish behavior yelling and screaming at Nick as he left the room. Although the words were spoken in English, the young fans that stood waiting for autographs clearly understood the manager’s message: he disliked Nick Carter for some reason and he would do his best to punish him and ride on his back.

It wasn’t until the thick blue steel door of the bathroom clanked shut did Nick feel safe from Johnny’s bitter words. Standing at the sink, Nick looked at his pale, sweaty face. If he hadn’t felt so sick at the moment, he would have stuck his tongue out at the pasty image that stared back at him, instead, he turned towards the urinals that lined the wall.

As he started to empty his bladder, the familiar sting in his back and bladder returned, causing Nick to once again bite his lip to prevent from crying out. The one thing that was different this time was the color wasn’t slightly reddish in color.

This time it was pure red.

Staring down in the red colored water Nick's stomach churned. Blood! He was peeing blood! Thoughts swirled around in his head in the same speed as the toilet bowl flushed, hiding all evidence that something was seriously wrong with his health. Even though he had no medical knowledge, a small voice whispered in the back of his head that peeing blood was not something to take easily upon.

The pain that had burned in his back was gone after he had managed to empty his bladder and he made up his mind to go outside to the awaiting crowd. Hundreds of fans had come to meet them and within a few hours he was due to preform infront of more than 10 000 people! Since he was the only one in the group that escaped being a victim to the dreaded bug that was hitting people faster than the Spanish flu, he was the only one that was well enough to lead the group.

Carrying this heavy burden on his shoulders there wasn't a chance that he could let the rest of the group down by telling them that he was injured. His own ailments had to wait.

When he was done he walked over to the sink and turned on the tap. Rinsing his face he felt a bit refreshed, yet when he looked back in the mirror a ghostly pale face stared back at him. Out of nowhere he was struck by a sharp pain in his back which sent him hunched down. "Shit," he groaned as he tried to regain his posture again. Suddenly the door opened and in ran AJ, looking like his pants were on fire, which wasn´t far from the truth judging from the distress the singer was in.

"Bone!" he called out, yet the rebel didn´t listen and he ran towards an open stall, slamming the door hard behind him in the process. Nick grinned. It was clear that the rebel was in too much distress to be sidetracked.

Taking a deep breath, he opened the door and the minute he set his foot outside, Johnny grabbed his arm, growling. "Where the hell have you been? Do you think that this is a recreational trip?"

"Eh..uh..It..it couldn´t wa..wait," Nick stuttered, blushing, as he was rougly shoved towards the table. The rest of the group minus AJ signed autographs and greeted fans.

"They have been waiting for you for a long time so you better straighten up your act!" Johnny was nagging at him all the way to the table. One woman looked at him strangely as the manager passed her. She had a displeased frown on his forehead. Instantly he straightened up and patted Nick soothingly on his shoulder as he smiled towards her, "Sorry..you know kids." The smile was not returned back.

Pulling his chair back Nick sat down. He made a face as his sore back hit the hard plastic seat, Seeing this Brian glared at him, mouthing, "You okay?"

Avoiding his friends eyes he set his attention towards a girl in a ponytail who handed him a piece of paper to sign. She was shaking from nervousness and Nick took her hand in an comforting gesture. "Whats your name?" he asked as he scribbled down his name on the paper.

"Lottie," she squeaked and he smiled warmly at her.

"Lottie, what a nice name." He handed her the autograph.

"Thanks!" She let out a shrill cry as she ran away, looking very very happy. Nick laughed. He had at least made one girl to feel like she was in heaven.

"Can I have a hug?" another girl asked bravely.

"Yeah sure." He gave her a quick hug and as he was about to sit down again another girl yelled, "Niiiccckkk, meeeee toooooo pleeeaaaaaseeeeee!!"

"Aha." He continued to give out hugs even tough his back felt like it was on fire and his stomach felt heavy and strange. Ignoring his pain and aches he smiled widely. All for the fans!

Wincing he sat down, a small groan escaped his lips. Hearing this Brian, who leaned over towards him, whispering, "Dude! Are you alright?"

Nodding, Nick avoided his eyes and reached out to grab the poster that one girl wanted him to sign. He smiled to her, but the smile did not reach his eyes. Noticing this Brian whispered, holding cupping the side of his mouth with one hand so that no one could hear what he was talking about, "You´re not fooling me Frack. I´m telling Johnny that you need to be examined by a doctor."

A bit annoyed Nick whispered back, "No! I´m fine." Going to see a doctor was not something that he was incline to do. He knew that if anyone with medical expertise found out that he as peeing blood he would be in for a real treat. Judging from the bad luck that he often had he would probably be bedridden in a hospital for several days. Being in Europe away from his family was bad, but staying alone in a German hospital was worse.

Brian raised his eyebrows, "Frack?"

Completley ignoring Brian, the eigteen year old gave all his attention to the blonde girl with braces. She told him that he was the cutest guy in the world and even if he had heard it thousands of times it still made him blush and feel insecure.

In the corner of his eye Nick spotted that Brian had got the undivided attention from some fans. This meant that he couldn´t keep his eye on him any longer and Nick could breathe from relief. It wasn´t that he didn´t want Brian to care, no it was more that he was afraid that he would break down if someone showed him too much attention. The pain made him feel weak and sick and this often led him to feeling homesick which in turn led him to be like a cry baby. And that was not a thing that he wanted to happen.

Glancing at the empty seat beside him he saw that AJ hadn´t returned yet. The bug must have had him in a tight grip since the rebel had been gone quite a while. Just as he was about to ask Johnny how Bone was doing the boy in question came back from the restrooms. He walked in a hunched over position and the sickly pale color around his gills revealed that he was feeling anything but good. Nick felt sorry for his friend.

"How you´re doin' bro?" he whispered as he leaned over to AJ.

"Shitty!" AJ wheezed, barely no voice, as he smiled paley towards two girls that were giggling. Picking up a pen he wrote his name as he chatted to the girls. There was no way that anyone could tell that the five boys were as sick as dogs. They were all chatting and doing their best to please the fans even if they were feeling very bad. The Backstreet smile plastered on their faces.

Nick never thought time would end and he felt nothing but relief as Johnny finally announced to the screaming fans that it was time for them to pack up and leave. There was groans of disappointment as the manager fell the unwanted comments. The hours dragged along and Nick felt relieved when Johnny finally announced that it was time for them to leave the place. There were a desperate need for a bathroom break. As soon as they had left the meet and greet, Nick set his pace towards the restrooms again.

"Where do you think you´re going Carter?" Johnny wheezed as he saw the blonde walk towards the door with the famous stick figured sign.

"I gotta go," he explained as lightly as he could. His back ached something fierceful and his bladder was dying for a release. There were no chance that his manager could stop him in his desperate need.

"Again? You pee more than a pregnant woman," Johnny muttered as Nick slunk into the restroom, closing the door behind him with a thud. He wasn´t alone in the room and before he could blink, AJ came out from a stall.

"You have the shits too?"

"No!" Nick rushed past him as he gave his grinning friend the finger. Seconds later the door slammed shut inches in front of his friends face.

"Is this gonna get bad, like should i put my shirt over my face?" AJ laughed as he went over to the sink to wash his hands. "Can I still breathe?"

"Shut the fuck up," Nick growled inside from the stall. He wished desperately that Bone would go away. It was bad enough that he had to face yet another painful trip to the bathroom, he didn´t need to have AJ standing outside listening too.

Standing there, waiting for AJ to leave the room, he felt coldsweat break out on his forehead. His stomach was cramping too and for a moment he feared that he would get sick. 'Beautiful,' Nick thought miserably. That was all he needed, his stomach rebelling too. To his relief the nausea passed away as quickly as it came, replaced with a burning feeling in his bladder.

When he was sure that he was left alone he finally let go. Closing his eyes hard, he didnt dare to look, afraid that the urine in the bowl would be colored again. The sharp pain that he felt in his back intensified and he knew that he didn't have to look. He just knew that the water would be red!

A small cry escaped his lips as a sudden pain struck him in his lower stomach when he was done. Bending over he shielded his midsection.

"Nick?"

Shit! AJ was still there?

"What?" He tried to make his voice as casual as possible so that his friend wouldn´t hear that something was wrong with him.

"Did the zipper get stuck on your dick or what?" A hoarse laugh was heard.

Biting his lip he forced himself not to let out another cry. 'You can do this, come on!' he mentally said over and over again.

Upon hearing no sneer comments back there was a knock on the door, "Dude you´re ok?" AJ sounded concerned.

"Ye..yes," Nick did his best to steady his voice even if the searing pain made it hard to breathe. He leaned against the tiled wall, regaining his posture.

"You sure man? You don´t sound too good." Another knock on the door. "You want me to get B´rok?"

B'rok? What could he do about this? "Rok? What do you want him to do? Wipe my ass?" Nick sneered through gritted teeth.

A laugh was heard. "Now I know that you´re fine. Well Nicky I´m getting out. Come to the bus when you´re done jerking off."

"Bite me!"

"Not right now, I´m not a stud like you."

"Eat me!"

"No thank ýou. I think I´ll pass." AJ laughed before he started to cough really hard, muttering, "Man this sucks." After the worst of coughing bouth was over he said, "You sure that you´re fine?"

"Get out!!" Nick yelled as he did his best not to groan again. The pain was still there, just not as intense as before.

"Relax man, I´m on my way. Don´t stay too long. Johnny will be pissed." With those words AJ left the facilities.

Wiping the sweat off his forehead Nick felt like crap. The pain in his back was bad and dizziness swept over him in waves. Looking down in the bowl he noticed that he was still pissing blood. "Fuck," flushing the evidence away. He had to ask someone about this condition. Asking Brian one more time would be too suspecious, so he opted to talk to Kevin. After all the tall man had been a football player and had to have at least one kick to his balls during his sportive years. Kevin was also the one that Nick often turned to when he needed to ask something serious.

Stepping outside he noticed another man that was using the urinal. Ignoring him Nick walked up to the sink, turning on the tap. Bending down to wash his face a sudden rush of diziness washed over him. Like a blind man he grabbed the wash basin as white dots appeared infront of his eyes. Nausea made it hard to breathe and his legs felt like jello. For a moment he was sure that he would pass out as cold sweat ran down his forehead and back, and he was grateful that he had the basin to hold on to or there had been no stopping for him to fall flat on his face.

"Dir geht's nicht gut, oder?" The man by the urinal held a hand on his arm, looking at him with concerned brown eyes.

"I..I don´t sp..speak ger..German," Nick stuttered as he slowly started to regain his color back again. Running his hand through his sweaty hair he felt embarrassed.

"Are you sick?" the man asked in broken English, trying to decide what condition the teen standing infront of him was in.

Shaking his head Nick stumbled over his words, "I´m..I´m fi..fine."

"You sure? You don´t look well at all." The man let go of his hand. "Maybe you should sit down for a while."

"No I have to go," Nick mumbled as he straightened up, dismissing that he felt like in a few seconds later he would be ready to topple over. "They'll leave me if I´m not coming."

"Who? Your family?"

"No, my manager." Nick murmured as he walked slowly towards the door, "The group."

The man studied him, "You´re that teen that is in that famous group right...The American one. Backs..Backside bo.."

"Backstreet Boys," Nick corrected him with a groan, "Yeah."

"You want me to get someone?" The man asked, as the teen in front of him looked like he could do with someone taking care of him, shivering with chills.

"No...no I´ll be okay. I really have to go." Nick said, pressing the door handle. "My group will miss me!" He let out a small grin, "Thanks anyway."

"No problem," the man said, returning the smile back. "You take care."

Nodding, Nick closed the door behind him. He didn't like to be questioned by some stranger, even if the man meant nothing bad. Closing his eyes he breathed a sigh of relief, just to hear Johnny's voice sound through the hallway.

"CARTER! There you are! We have been waiting for you so you better get your fat ass over here NOW!"

Kevin was the first to object. "You knew we weren't feeling well and we all did the best we could."

"Singing the wrong line twice in the same song as well as stumbling looking like a drunk ain´t what I think is doing your best." He was referring to Kevin's performance and the older member looked a bit crossed.

"You can´t expect us to put on a great show when we're running a fever!" Kevin hated when someone told him that he did anything less than perfect, even if he was so sick that he had a hard time standing straight. The flu bug still had him tight in it's grip and he silently wondered when he would get to rest so he could cure this ailment.

The schedule was hectic and Kevin wasn´t the only one exhausted. Brian was suffering from a bad bout of sniffles and both Howie and AJ had an upset stomach. What was wrong with Nick he had no idea but the teen looked pale and drawn where sat on the floor, head leaning on his knees.

AJ had always been Johnny's favorite. The rebel was very sociable and he had a cool atttitude without being stuck up. It also drove the girls crazy and in turn sold many records. And Johnny liked when albums were being sold. He was also very easy going and strived to do his best. A great voice combined with dancing like a pro was not something you saw all the time. It also added up that the twenty year old had dated his youngest daughter way back and he grown to like AJ like his own son. His mother Denise was also a great woman and she usually toured with them. Keeping track on the boys. This tour however she was still in the states since AJ´s grandmother was not well. She would join them as soon as she could.

"No Alexander, I´m no dumbass." Johnny started.

"Really?" The word slipped out of Nick's mouth as he rolled his eyes.

"Nick!" Brian blurted a warning.

Nick shrugged back where he sat as he got a hard glare from the manager.

"I know that most of you have been struck by this bug," a deep cough was heard from the manager, "and you probably feel like crap. Yet that is NO excuse for performing as badly as you all did. Over twenty thousand people had bought a ticket this evening and they all expected you to do your best and not act like a bunch of chickens in a barnyard!" The manager continued to scold them all, telling them that the reviews in the media would be nothing but bad and that they could kiss their sorry asses goodbye if they didn't shape up their acts.

"That is not fair," Brian objected, "We can´t help that we are sick." Howie nodded in agreement as he sipped on hot tea and milk for his sore throat and upset stomach.

"I know," Johnny sighed, "but you Carter?" He turned towards the teen that sat silent on the floor, looking sweaty and gloomy. "What is your damned excuse?"

Nick fidgeted nervously, "What do you mean?" he asked as he looked up at the angry man. His back and stomach hurt and he wanted nothing else than crawl under a blanket and sleep the misery away. He was dying to release his bladder, yet the toilet had been occupied by one of the others on and off during the evening and he had no chance to get there. He was also afraid to pee since his senses told him that there would more blood in the bowl.

"You need to work on those moves Nicky. The way you danced it looked like you crapped your pants!" Johnny sneered as there was a laugh in the group.

"I did NOT!" Nick blushed. He felt humiliated. Could he help that his back and stomach hurt so much that he just wanted to lay down on the floor and pass out? He had done his best, yet it was never good enough for them. Maybe íf he told them the truth about how he hurt his back at yesterdays concert they would be more compassionate with him. Opening his mouth he started to say, "You know yesterday I.."

Not listening the manager went on, "It´s either that or you are eating way too much candy and you're getting too fat to move that body of yours."

The words burned like cigarette burns. Wiping the tears that were forming in his eyes with the back of his hand, he did his best to keep the posture. Johnny and the guys would not get the opportunity to call him a cry baby.

"And I, who thought that i could trust you to take the lead in this miserable group. I guess I was wrong." Johnny didn´t spare the words as he told the teen how incredibly useless his performance had been. To say that the manager liked Nick would be an false statement. The hyper kid was getting on Johnny's nerves and everytime he didn´t have to deal with the rowdy teen he was happy. At first he had grown found of the kid, mainly because he was the perfect posterboy and that would sell in a business like this. But the kid had turned out to be a handful, being way too emotional and always getting into problems. His wife Donna wasn´t too hot over the kid either and being together for more than five years turned out to be long enough.

"That is enough!" Brian snapped when he thought that the manager had been nagging on his friend too long. "Nick is not well either. He is a bit under the weather too."

"He is? I mean you are? Kevin perked up his head, "What's your problem?"

"Nothing!" Nick snapped, not wanting to let on to how bad he felt. "B'rok is exaggurating as always." There was no need to add more problems to the already pressed situation.

Johnny raised an eyebrow. "Are you getting the flu too?"

"NO!" Nick shook his head, furiously. He hated to lie. Well it wasn´t entirely a lie after all he wasn´t getting the flu. Pissing blood was another matter.

"Don´t lie Nick," Brian didn´t sound too happy at all. Turning to his cousin that was preoccupied with blowing his nose he said, "I think that the fans knicked him in the back since he has been complaining of a backache all evening."

"I have not!" Nick was being stubborn. Too stubborn for his own good.

Kevin frowned, "Nick," he said a mixture between calm and serious, "Does this have something to do with you asking if I ever was kicked in my balls when I played football? Passing blood when I urinated?" Kevin was putting two and two together, staring at the teen he continued, "Because if it does you better tell us since it can be serious and is nothing to play with."

"PASSING BLOOD?" Brian bursted out. "Nick are you peeing blood?"

Five pair of eyes, Johnny included, looked at the teen, expecting him to clarify the comment. He fidgeted nervously. Shit, why did he have to be so stupid that he asked such an wacko question? He wasn´t the sharpest tool in the shed!

Even Johnny seemed concerned.

It was silence in the dressing room, and the situation was so tensed that you could cut it with a knife. Nick wanted nothing more to get out of the situation and it would have been so easy to confess and tell them the truth. That he thought that something might be seriously wrong with him. After all it couldn´t be right to pee red. Not when you where a healthy guy!

"Stop asking those stupid questions," he said a bit annoyed as he stood up. He had to get out of this situation or he would tangle himself up even more. Standing up he noticed that his back hurt so bad and that the ache in his bladder was still there, accompanied with a new burning sensation.

"Where are you going?" Howie asked as he saw his friend get up to leave.

"Why? Are you my mother or something?" Nick sneered. He didn´t want to act so pissy, and he often did that too sweet Howie without knowing why. Usually Howie didn´t care but this time he thought that he saw a new kind of pain in the brown eyes.

"Nick there is no need to be pissed!" Brian sneered back. "All Howie did was to ask a simple question."

"Yes and you still haven´t answered if you are peeing red." Kevin said, not wanting to drop the subject.

"Yes kid. Are you doing that?" The words being uttered from the manager startled them all, and Nick felt even worse for lying to them. Maybe they were right. This was not something that someone should take easy upon.

"Jeeze drop it will you! I´m just going to the can to take a leak. If someone wants to hold my dick while doing that to make sure that I am not pissing blood they are free to do that!"

"NICK!"

"Jeeze, you don´t have to be that way." Brian sounded hurt. "We're just concerned about you."

"Excuse me, but I think I am entitled to go where ever I want without asking permission to do so. Don´t you think so?" Nick knew that he was acting like an ass, yet he couldn´t stop himself.

"Calm down," Howie reached out his arm to grab the teen.

Nick jerked away, "Don´t," he warned.

"Cool it man," AJ spoke up after being silent for the better part of the time. "Let the dude go if he wants to. I´m sure that even Kaos can´t be so stupid that he neglect to tell us if he was sick or somethin'." A pair of brown eyes stared sternly into Nick's. "Right Nicky?"

Avoiding the eyes the blonde muttered, "Yeah!" He was both grateful and surprised that Bone was standing up for him. Maybe it was a favor for not ratting on him when he was drunk as a skunk last night.

AJ always seem to amaze him!

"Ok if you say so," Brian sighed tiredly. Turning to Johnny who sat silent, nursing a headache, he asked, "When are we going back to the hotel?"

"Pretty soon, so you better gather up your belongings." The manager watched Nick as he closed the toilet door behind him, "and Kaos don´t be too long since we are leaving soon." There were no snide comments, which had the dark man a bit puzzled. Something was not right with the kid, but he couldn´t pin point what it was. The teen was a whiner when it came to small things, but when there was something serious or he was sick for real the kid had a habit off claming up instead. The way Nick moved had him concerned. It looked like he was in serious pain and he had mentally noted that there were no hyperness or off the wall acting from his part. Maybe it was the kids turn to come up with the flu bug?

That would be "terrific" since they were just in the beginning of the tour and had many concerts to do, lots of traveling and PR performance to appear in. The last thing he needed was another Backstreet Boy to act like he had come down with the plauge.

Inside the small backstage toilet Nick was batteling a war of pain and misery. His back hurt fiercefully and when he released his aching bladder a stinging feeling made it almost unbearable to stand up straight. He bit his lip from crying out loud. One of the guys could hear him and that was not something he wanted to be happening. Cold sweat broke out on his forehead. Noticing that his urine was still red he felt another bout of nausea sweep over him. It happend all so fast as his stomach churned violently, wanting to expell everything he had eaten during the day.

Swallowing hard he tried to stall the vomiting as long as possible so that no one could hear him through paper thin walls. That would just throw them all for a loop. Turning on the watertap he hoped to drown any unwanting sounds and then he crouched down over the bowl, gagging a few times. Nothing happened and the nausea still lingered like a fog. For once he was happy that he had learned to get rid of the ill feeling when he had ate too much and he used the same technique this time.

Closing his eyes he stuck his finger far down his throat. The motion set off a mixture between coughing and gagging.

"Nick are you all right?" There was a light tapping on the door and he could hear his friends concerned voice.

"Yeah Bri, I´ll be out soon." He tried to make his shakey voice to sound as steady as possible.

"Ok, well the bus is here now and we have to get going. You want me to wait for you?"

There were voices heard in the background and Nick was determined to get the nasuea over with didn´t want an audience. This left him saying, "No I´ll be fine. Just go ahead."

"You sure?" There was doubt in his friends voice.

"Yeah, just go!" Nick had to be alone now. His stomach churned violently and he couldn´t wait any longer. When he heard nothing more he quickly stuck his finger down and soon his stomach contracted painfully. He vomited as quietly as he could into the bowl, afraid that someone could hear how ill he felt. Tears dwelled up in his eyes as his stomach contents mixed with the red in the bowl. He was not well at all and he didn't know how long he could keep up this charade before one of the boys dragged his sorry ass to a doctor.

When the nausea and vomiting finally abated, he flushed the toilet quickly. After washing his face he tried to make himself a bit more presentable running a comb through his tousled hair. Usually Nick always took a shower after doing a show, this time they were all too tired to do that and they had decided to do it as soon as they got back to the hotel. Since AJ was nothing but well Johnny had decided that he shoudn´t share room with the teen any longer and this meant that Brian and Nick shared rooms as always and Howie and AJ was the one that got to share bathroom. There were no way that Nick wanted to trade places since AJ would probably rat on him that he had to pee every fifteen minutes.

Opening the door he found that Brian had taken him on his words and that the room was empty. They had all left him.

'Great' he thought miserably. If there was one thing he hated was to be left alone. Especially when he was feeling like crap. He despised the times when they had left him going clubbing. It made him feel so young and vanurable. He knew that he was being childish, after all he was eighteén years old and not some dumb kid. Yet there was no stopping the lonley feeling that he had. For a brief moment the thought struck him that they had all gone back to the hotel and that he was left on his own.

Nick often had nightmares that the guys would leave him and he would be all alone. Crying, needing help. His eyes burned with tears and the pain combined with feeling lonely made him want to lay down on the sofa and sulk. He would have done that if the door hadn´t opened and their tour manager Clark stuck in his head, "Nick are you done?"

He nodded, happy to see that they hadn´t forgotten him.

"Good, well come on then. The guys are waiting in the bus." With a friendly gesture the older man laid an arm around the shivering teen, "Come on let´s go." he said as he guided him towards the corridor.

"Okay." Nick followed without words out to the awaiting crowd, satisfied that they hadn´t left him.

“Nick how many times are you going to the bathroom, are you sick?” Brian mumbled when the bathroom light clicked on.

Swallowing several times to hold the nausea off, Nick moaned. “S-sorry.”

Rolling over onto his side, Brian punched the pillow and laid his head back down. For some reason though, this time he couldn’t fall back to sleep. He laid there listening. He wasn’t sure what he was listening for, he just felt the need to lay perfectly still and listen. His efforts were soon rewarded when a sharp cry echoed in the bathroom.

Jumping up, Brian rushed to the door, twisting the locked knob. “Nick? What’s wrong?”

“N-nothing.”

“You’re lying! Open the door!” After waiting a few moments, Brian realized that Nick wasn’t going to unlock the door. Rummaging through a desk drawer, he cursed that he needed AJ at a time like this. AJ had a knack for picking locks. Tossing the hotel brochures, pads of paper and a Bible aside, Brian found a pen. He recalled AJ using the gold ink part of the inside of a barrel to pick a door open once. After a few tries, Brian was successful and the door clicked open.

Nick was laying on the floor, curled up onto his side, sweat glistening on his face.

Brian reached down and placed a hand on his brother’s forehead. “Nick, you’re burning up. The flu finally reached...” he stopped his words when his eye caught the blood colored urine in the toilet bowl. “Oh my god! You are passing blood. Stay right here!”

Too sick to protest and too weak to care, Nick stayed laying on the cool tile floor. Nausea came back suddenly and Nick slowly crawled to his hands and knees and barely made it in time to the toilet before he got sick.

Minutes had passed by but to Nick it seemed like only seconds when he saw Kevin crouching beside him, his fatherly look studying Nick’s face.

“I saw the blood,” Brian explained when Kevin glanced at the crystal clear water in the toilet. “He must have flushed it when I left to get you.”

“I got sick.”

“And you have a fever, this is something more serious than a flu bug, I’m getting someone to take you to the hospital to get checked out,” Kevin advised.

“Noooo,” Nick weakly protested. “I’m okay.”

Kevin didn’t listen, he ran out of the room to get one of the managers.

“Bri, please you gotta tell them I’m fine,” Nick moaned. He struggled for a moment to get into a standing position only to fail and resigned to sitting with his back leaning against the tub.

“You’re not okay Nick, you can’t even stand up right now. Let’s just get you checked out to make sure everything’s all right,” Brian replied softly.

“God, no, please I don’t wanna go to a German hospital.”

Brian shook his head at Nick’s stalling. “Nickolas you need to be seen by a doctor, this isn’t something to be screwing around with. Besides, hospitals in Germany are the same as hospitals in the states, it’s just the insurance stuff is screwed up.”

Nick stared up at Brian for a moment, digesting what he had said. “You swear?”

Brian made a tracing of a cross on his chest. “Cross my heart, scout’s honor.”

“Nick, you’re not feeling good?”

Both Brian and Nick’s attention was drawn towards the tall manager that stood in the doorway of the bathroom. Although he was dressed in blue jeans and a tee shirt, his hair indicated that Kevin had interrupted him from his sleep.

“He flushed any evidence away, but Brian said he saw the blood this time,” Kevin explained as he followed the manager’s eyes toward the toilet.

Extending his arm out as he neared the teen, Clark told him to take it to help him up. “As a manager, I’m also acting guardian of you and I think it’s necessary to take you to the hospital.”

“But I’m eighteen,” Nick protested, stopping in saying anything further when he was met with Kevin’s disapproving look. “Well, um, can Kev come with me?”

“Kevin is too sick to go anyplace except back to bed,” Clark advised as he pulled a blanket off Nick’s bed.

Still hunched over, Nick accepted the yellow blanket and wrapped it around his body. “How about Brian, can he come with us?”

Looking over towards Brian, Clark ran a hand through his hair. “Do you think it’s really necessary?”

“Please, I-I’d just feel better I guess,” Nick stammered.

“Brian?”

“Yeah, I’ll go along, let me go put on some jeans.”

“I told you this wasn’t a good idea,” Nick moaned as he laid on the cot in an examination room in the emergency room. “I feel better, let’s go back to the hotel.”

Before Nick could make good on his words, a slender nurse entered the room. She talked to Nick in German. Nick shook his head. “I don’t speak German.” The nurse said something quickly and left the room.

Nick sighed. “See, I told you this is a bad idea.”

A few moments later a very heavyset nurse entered the room. “Good morning,” she bristled, her voice very thick with a German accent. “My name is Hildegard, I’m Dr. Werner Hollstein’s assistant.”

Nick groaned inwardly.

“So what brings you to the emergency room this morning?”

The nurse stood holding onto a clipboard, pen poised over the sheet of paper, waiting for Nick to outline his symptoms. When Nick stalled, she tapped her pen sharply on the board. “We can’t do anything until you tell us what’s wrong.”

“He’s urinating blood,” Brian offered, quickly shutting up when the nurse cast a glare in his direction.

“I’d prefer to hear this from the patient,” the nurse crisply replied.

“I’ve been peeing blood,” Nick finally admitted after squirming on the cot.

The nurse wrote sharply on the paper. “For how long?”

“Um, I think a day or two.”

Nick kept his eyes focused on the clipboard, trying to block out Brian’s open mouth. He knew if the woman pressed for more information he was going to get a lecture, but right now he didn’t care if he did. He only hid his problems because no one wanted to take the time to hear about them.

“Is there anything that led up to this?”

Nick groaned. Here was the question he didn’t want to answer. “Um, yeah.” His mind was swimming with little white lies he could tell the nurse but he quickly decided against doing that because it could lead to having some tests done that he didn’t want to have or need. “I uh, I did a back flip during a show and I landed wrong and I landed on my back.”

“A show?” the nurse questioned, narrowing her eyes at him. “I didn’t know there was a circus in town.”

Clearing his throat Nick continued. “The the next morning when we arrived at the hotel, I was caught up in a crowd and pushed against the tour bus. I think I was peeing blood before that though, but I guess that’s about it.”

The nurse scribbled notes on the clipboard. “Any nausea, vomiting, fever, pain while urinating?” She looked up from the clipboard, staring at him with steel gray eyes.

“Um, yes.”

The woman narrowed her eyes. “Yes? Yes to what?”

Nick sighed and hung his head. “Yes to all of what you said.”

The nurse placed the clipboard down sharply ontop of the counter, both Brian and Nick winced and jumped when it loudly made contact. After the nurse took all of Nick’s vital signs, she grabbed the clipboard and mumbled something in German before leaving the room.

“Can we just go now?” Nick begged again.

“Nope,” Brian drawled; his southern accent more pronouced because he was tired. “Clark would have my ass if we walked out of here. Just sit tight and get this overwith. Maybe it’s something simple like a bladder infection.”

Nick nodded in agreement. “I hope so. Yeah, it has to be that. Maybe I’m not drinking enough water or something.”

Both boys sat up straighter when the doctor entered the room. Although he was slight in stature, there was something about his presence that seemed commanding. His assistant nurse was behind him, a sour look on her full face.

“So you’ve been having back aches and passing blood when you urinate?” he questioned as he looked down at the notes on the slip of white paper.

“Yes sir,” Nick quietly replied.

Placing the chart on the cot next to Nick, the doctor placed a hand on Nick’s shoulders and sharply tapped the left side of the young man’s kidney area. Nick quickly cried out in pain and hunched over. After going over all his assessments, he barked something in German to the nurse and she quickly picked up the phone and repeated what the doctor had told her.

“We’ll take good care of you,” the doctor smiled.

Laying in the bed, Nick stared at the drops of clear fluid that dripped from an IV bad into the tubing that snaked it’s way down towards a needle that had been inserted into a vein on his hand.

“I told you this wasn’t a good idea.”

Brian shook his head and cocked a grin. “Nick, like it or not, you have to do what the doctor says. It’s a good thing I heard you tonight. I bet you weren’t planning on telling anyone about this, were you?”

Nick shrugged his shoulders in reply.

“Ah ha, see I knew that.”

“I’m just worried about what Johnny’s gonna say,” Nick sighed, laying his free arm across his eyes.

“There’s nothing for Johnny to say. You’ve got a badly bruised kidney, plain and simple and you have to do what the doctor said or you could do more damage.”

“But he’s so anal about schedules and stuff, he’s not gonna give me a red card.”

“When Kevin finds out about this, there won’t be a question about red cards, okay? Trust me on this.”

“Well he said I had to be on complete bed rest for the next three weeks, you know as well as me that Johnny’s not gonna buy that one.”

“Nick, stop worrying, everything’s gonna be alright.”

”THREE WEEKS!? WHAT KIND OF A QUACK DID YOU TAKE THAT KID TO?” Johnny boomed when Clark and Brian returned from the hospital without Nick.

“He saw a qualified physician,” Clark defended.

Johnny drew a hand through his thick hair, coughing as he paced the floor. He turned to face the two men that brought the bad news. Shaking his head he closed his eyes. “There’s just no way....”

“No way what?” Brian challenged.

“No way we can delay the tour for three weeks,” Johnny sighed. “We’ve got concerts, scheduled events, lunches with sponsors. God, there’s just no way.”

“Hey, we’re talking about Nick’s health here. I would think that some of the fans and sponsors would understand why he’s not in attendance,” Brian stated.

“No you dumb kid, people are expecting five not four Backstreet Boys,” Johnny hissed.

Clark glared at his co-manager. “There’s no need for name calling.”

“Well you heard him, he doesn’t realize that we signed contracts for five boys not four and they’re gonna....” Johnny’s voice trailed off as he flung his hands into the air.

“Well life goes on, they’ll learn to live with it,” Clark snapped.

“We have to be moving on day after tomorrow, I guess there’s nothing I can do about the show tomorrow night since Carter is in the hospital, but by god, his ass is going to be on that friggen bus day after tomorrow, bruised kidneys or not.”

“It’s one kidney that’s bruised,” Brian corrected, “and the doctor said complete bed rest for three weeks.”

“Too bad for Carter,” Johnny hissed. “Day after tomorrow he’s going to be discharged and on this goddamned bus. He can bed rest his ass in his bunk.”

“Bet his parents wouldn’t agree with you,” Brian challenged.

“Littrell, you do so much as dial one number to that boys parents and I’ll personally make sure that’s the last phone call you’ll ever make.

“Don’t be threatening him!” Clark spat.

Johnny threw a nasty glare at both men. “Either one of you meddle with my operation I’ll slap a lawsuit on you so fast your heads will spin. This is my job, my responsiblities and I’ll do what I see fit. The Carters seemed to trust my judgement and I think that you should do the same.”

Turning sharply, he called over his shoulder. “Better get some sleep, busy schedule ahead in about three hours.”

Staring at the walls, all Nick could think of was how bored he was. He had done everything a person could possibly do while laying in the hospital bed from counting the tiles on the ceiling to the number of drips going into the tube from his IV soloution per minute.

The other thing that Nick discovered, was that his appetite had seemed to have perked up since he woke up this morning. It seemed almost impossible to satisfy his hunger and quickly decided it was because he was starting to feel a little bit better and also the fact that he had gotten sick a few times since the bus incident outside of the hotel.

A young woman entered his private hospital room carrying a luncheon tray. Normally Nick would turn his nose up at anything that didn’t come from McDonald’s or Burger King in a foreign country, but he thought that his breakfast was awesome so he was actually looking forward to lunch.

After the girl left the room, Nick anxiously picked up the cover on the large platter. He didn’t recognize the food, but it smelled delicious. Unwrapping the utensils, he plowed his fork into the meat, potatoes and gravy mixture.

Just as he was finishing his cheesecake, Johnny appeared. “How are you feeling?”

“Better,” Nick replied, mouthful of the rich, fluffy mixture.

Johnny started shaking his head in disgust. “My god, you act like you haven’t eaten in months.”

Feeling the heat rise to his cheeks, Nick slowly continued chewing what was in his mouth.

“God, you stuffed your mouth so full you look like a chipmonk storing nuts,” the tall manager pointed out.

“Can’t you get off my back for a change?”

“Carter, at the rate you’re going....” Johnny sighed, “I give up! How many times have you been told to watch what you stuff into that fat face?”

Taking the fork, Nick started playing with the last of the cheesecake on the plate, making grids like a tic tac toe game. Johnny stared at the mess the young singer was creating.

“You should be eating healthy, light foods like tossed salad and yogurt. You keep up at this pace eating a full dinner for lunch, you won’t be able to fit through the door of the tour bus.”

“I can’t help it, I’m hungry, is that so wrong? Besides, I’ve been throwing up lots before I came to the hospital, so this isn’t gonna kill me,” Nick mumbled.

“You’re getting fat, I’ve told you that and you don’t listen. It use to be a cute type of baby fat maybe two years ago, but now, god, it’s just gross!” Johnny snapped. “Lay off the meat and potatoes Carter. I’m serious! And I’m here to take you back to the hotel. I can watch you better there.”

”That’s just about enough!”

Both Nick and Johnny jumped when Nurse Hildegard bellowed as she entered the room. Upon turning and seeing the fat nurse, Johnny narrowed his eyes.

“You need to leave, you’re upsetting my patient!”

“I’m his manager I have every right to be here,” Johnny bristled.

“I don’t care who you think you are, this is my patient and I would like to see him following doctor’s orders which includes eating what he is given.”

Johnny rubber necked from Nick’s nearly empty tray to the nurse’s face. “Oh, does that mean it’s a good thing for him to be eating a 6,000 calorie lunch?” He stopped his words, sizing the fat nurse. “Wait, you’re used to eating a meal of that size must be about four times a day, right?”

“Name calling doesn’t hurt me, herr. My patient has been prescribed a healthy diet of fats and proteins, a proven method of healing the body. He is young and soon will be healthy, as many of my patients. I pride myself in my patient’s recoveries.”

“Oh for the love of god, I want him signed out now!”

“No, he will stay as the doctor ordered. He is still getting an IV and he needs bedrest to heal his kidneys.”

“Carter? Is this what you want? Don’t you think it would be better to be back at the hotel around the people you know?”

Keeping his head lowered, Nick replied quietly, “No, I don’t feel well enough to make the trip back to the hotel.” He knew that as soon as Johnny had him in his grasp he would be working again and more than likely eating bird food. As much as he hated to admit it, he sort of liked being waited on, breakfast in bed, food at his fingertips to satisfy his gnawing hunger pains.

“Fine, have it your way, but just so you know, doctor’s orders or not, you will be signing out tomorrow, I’ll be back to get you early,” Johnny warned. “Try not to eat too much at dinner, Carter, your body needs a break.”

“Asshole,” Nick muttered bitterly after the manager left the room.

“You do not seem to like that man much, do you?”

Wiping his eyes with the back of his free hand, Nick shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t have much of a choice. He’s hired by our recording label and we have to listen to him whether we like the bull that’s coming out of his mouth or not.”

“He likes to pick on you about your weight, I see,” Hildegard said.

“Constantly,” Nick agreed.

“Well you are my patient and he cannot tell me how to care for you! He is an ass.”

Nick managed a slight grin when he could tell that the nurse seemed to hate Johnny as much as he did.

“The cook is making chocolate chip cookies, I’ll be right back with a plate and a nice tall glass of cold buttermilk.”

“Make it plain milk and I’ll be happy,” Nick grinned.

“Johnny, you know that the fans will understand if we miss some tour stops,” Kevin remarked as he walked alongside the manager towards the hotel shuttle van.

Johnny shook his head emitting a sarcastic laugh. “Richardson, you aren’t looking at this from a business aspect. You see, there’s these little things called contracts---”

“I know what they are,” Kevin angrily interrupted. Taking a deep breath, he tried to calm his voice before speaking. “It’s just that what Nick has can turn into a more serious problem.”

“Did I say Carter was going to be performing?”

“No, but you’re talking about---”

“What I’m talking about is we have schedules and they need to be kept. We can’t take time out for fatass Carter and be stuck in some damned hotel in fucking England--”

“Germany,” Kevin corrected.

“Germany then wherever the fuck we are. The point is, Richardson, that we have to be on the goddamned tour bus tomorrow afternoon and Carter will be on it with the rest of you.”

Climbing into the shuttle van, Kevin bowed his head forward, rubbing his eyes.

“Headache again?” Brian whispered sympathetically.

Kevin moaned in reply. “Not yet, but it’s coming.”

The silence in the van was interrupted by Howie blowing his nose and AJ’s coughing. Kevin and Brian seemed to be getting over the Backstreet Flu while the other two band members were in it’s tight grip. In Kevin’s thoughts the tour so far was nothing but a disaster.

“Maybe Howie has some Tylenol,” Brian suggested.

“Tylenol won’t cure this kind of a headache.”

“Migraine?”

“No, it’s a stress headache.”

Brian looked at his cousin, concern evident in his voice. “What’s got you so stressed out?”

Rubbing his face, Kevin sighed.

Brian placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. “I want to help, tell me please.”

“Johnny is being a dick,” Kevin muttered.

Grinning, Brian replied, “That’s nothing new.”

Kevin started to tell Brian about his conversation with Johnny when the van arrived outside the music store.

“Showtime guys,” Johnny commanded. “Put the Backstreet smiles on your faces and make love to the crowd and the cameras!”

“Jesus,” AJ mumbled.

The doors were quickly opened to the van, barely allowing the boys to gather their personal items they carried with them let alone their composure. Howie barely managed to grab his box of tissues before he was literally jerked out the door by Johnny.

“Step it up Latino man, it’s show time,” he hissed into Howie’s face.

The men were led into the music store like cows heading into a slaughter house, teens crowded against the barriors to the right and left of the carpet that had been laid on the cement sidewalk leading to the entrance. The fans were screaming and holding up pictures and posters. Cameras flashed, hurting AJ’s sunglass covered eyes.

Five places were arranged with water bottles and black felt markers with their names on place cards. As soon as AJ sat down, he uncapped his bottle of water, taking a drink trying to quench his dry throat.

“Wo ist Nick?”

“Er dose nicht seien sie beachten,” Kevin quickly replied.

AJ slid his glasses down his nose peering over at Kevin. Johnny rushed up to the singer’s side. “Richardson, not a word about where Carter is! Not a word about his ailment either!”

“Tell them yourself, fett esel.”

Johnny faced the store owner, sweat beading on his forehead. “Nick Carter will not be present today.”

“Oh? Why not? I have a contract that says we were getting all five boys,” the owner replied, his face flushed with anger.

“It’s something that can’t be helped.”

“I’d like to have an explanation,” the owner snapped and then gestured towards the crowd, “I’m sure we all would like an explanation!”

“B-but I can’t speak German,” Johnny stuttered trying to stall and get his way out of the predicament.

The owner flashed a false smile. “I can translate then or better yet, you could have the tall one tell the crowd since he can speak German.”

As Johnny wrung his hands staring at the crowd, the sweat started running off his face. “Goddamn Carter,” he muttered, “he’s going to pay for this.”

“It’s not his fault,” Kevin defended through a gritted smile, glaring at the manager with his eyes. ”Tell them!”

“Where’s Nick?”

“I wanna see Nick!”

The crowd was starting to voice it’s discontentment that the autograph signing hadn’t started and that Nick wasn’t there yet. Johnny looked at the table and was met back with ‘you-got-yourself-in-this-dig-yourself-out’ look followed by forced smiles.

“Uh, um, Nick’s feeling under the weather,” Johnny began in a slow and calculated voice, “so I’m sorry but he can’t be here.”

A young voice shouted, “Howie’s sick and he’s here!”

There was grumbling and moans coming from the crowd, indicting to Johnny that this could soon turn into a riot.

Kevin cleared his throat to indicate to the manager that he would speak for the group. “We’ve enjoyed your beautiful city so far, but I’m sorry to say that the travel hasn’t been pleasant. We’ve been hit with a flu bug and it’s taking turns on who gets it and hasn’t. Nick wasn’t the luckiest one and he’s in bed as I speak,” Kevin explained speaking in perfect German. “Howie is just starting to get over it, but he didn’t want to disappoint you and he insisted on coming. AJ is still under the weather too, but well, we all know how Nick can be when it comes to getting sick or hurt!”

The crowd was buying what Kevin was telling them and the sympathy was clear in the expressions. Johnny seemed to look relieved for the moment when he noted that he manager looked soothed but somewhat sympathetic as well.

“What did you say to them?”

“Don’t worry, I took care of it.”

“You didn’t tell them about--”

Kevin leaned towards the manager and whispered sharply. “I told them that he was in bed, satisfied?”

Carrying an ice bucket, AJ met Johnny in the hall of the hotel, nearly colliding head on. “Whoa, where you off to in such a hurry?”

Johnny glanced at his watch. “McLean? I thought you’d be in bed sleeping off the bar you drank up last night.”

“You’re such an asshole. I stayed in last night, I’m still sick, remember?”

“Yeah and I have some swamp land in Arizona I’d like to sell you. I’m going to the hospital,” Johnny replied, pulling out the collar on his jacket.

“Whoa... whoa, hold on a sec,” AJ called out, waiting for the tall manager to stop. “You’re not really serious about taking Nick out of the hospital today are you?”

“Yes, we have deadlines and he’s a costly obstical. Carter needs to be on this bus this afternoon, he knows I’m coming to get him so he’ll be ready.”

“Brian said the doctor ordered Nick to be there for at least two, possibly three weeks.”

“Well doctors don’t pay our bills and besides, this is just some quack from Germany, I hardly trust his damned judgement.”

“What did Clark say about this?”

“This doesn’t concern Clark,” Johnny hissed. He threw a dark look at AJ before adding, “make sure you don’t go running to Clark either or your life will be hell if I get wind that you did.”

Shrugging, AJ left the manager. He decided against going to anyone for fear of getting on Johnny’s bad side. “Just hope Nick has some balls,” he quietly mumbled to himself.

Kevin glared at Johnny on the bus. If looks could kill, Johnny should have been six feet under. Growing sick of the man’s carefree attitude, he laid his book down and took the empty seat next to the manager.

“I can’t believe you did that to him!” Kevin whispered harshly.

“We have a deadline,” Johnny whispered back defensively, not taking his eyes from the magazine he was thumbing through.

“I don’t give a shit about your deadlines, that kid needed to be in the hospital and you made him sign out!”

“Carter will be fine, you worry too much,” Johnny replied, licking his thumb and turning the page.

Kevin reached out and yanked the magazine from Johnny’s hands. “Listen, you knew Nick was really sick and then you pull a dumb stunt like this!”

Johnny’s eyes met Kevin’s hard glare. A small smile played on his lips as he answered. “He was sick from a stupid backflip that he was too fat to do. Besides, no one put a gun to Carter’s head.”

Kevin shook his head. “Oh I doubt a gun was held to his head but I’m sure you threatened him so much that you scared him into leaving with you.”

As the manager reached out to retrieve his magazine, Kevin pulled it away.

“Listen Richardson, I’m a businessman, not a babysitter. Carter was doing okay this morning when I got him, I got his pain killers and a couple of other prescriptions the doctor wanted him to take, so he’s going to be just fine.”

Rubbing a hand across his face, Kevin groaned. “Asshole! You don’t get it do you? He was supposed to be in the hosptial, strict bedrest for three weeks---”

“Three weeks is too much time--”

“Maybe to you it is, but he has a serious injury to his kidneys, a bruised kidney isn’t anything to just treat like a cold, besides, you seem to give the rest of us time when we’re sick, why not Nick?”

“Because Carter’s a chronic complainer--”

“Nick never told us he was hurting, he only got help because Brian found him in the bathroom after he pissed blood!”

“Well, I really don’t have anything left to say on this subject, can I have my magazine back now?”

Glaring at the manager, Kevin threw the magazine back, hitting the manager squarely in the chest.

Nick laid on his side, curled up into a tight ball. Although the humming of the tires slapping the pavement normally would lull Nick to sleep, he found it difficult to find a comfortable position. Sleep was not coming easy for him.

Nick mentally cursed himself for being a wuss and allowing Johnny to badger him into signing himself out of the hospital against his doctor’s orders. Nurse Hildegard argued with Johnny saying that the blood was still in his urine; microscopic, but it was still there and to be up and moving around could cause bleeding into the kidney and possibly damage it.

The manager dismissed her warnings and assured her that he would take good care of Nick and make sure he took his prescribed medications.

To add embarrassment to the situation, Nick’s clothes were missing and he had to leave the hospital wearing the gown and the hospital pants. Being the impatient man that Johnny was, he grumbled that it took Nick too long to walk from the taxi to the bus. Nick could only try his best to walk faster even though it was killing his back. He didn’t want to make Johnny anymore upset with him then he already was.

His stomach growled, snapping Nick’s train of thought to how hungry he was. He fingered the drawstring on the bottom of the pants, debating on whether he should get up and walk back to the kitchenette on the bus.

Deciding that he had to fend for himself, Nick slowly slid out of the warmth of the bunk. Not being able to stand upright, Nick slowly made his way to the back of the bus. Entering the eating area, he found Howie and AJ sitting at the table.

Howie looked at Nick, concern in his eyes. “Hey, you’re suppose to be laying down. Why are you up?”

“I’m hungry.”

“Nice jammies Kaos,” AJ grinned.

Nick glared at AJ. “The horsie ones were in the wash.”

“Sit down, I’ll get it,” Howie directed and then added, “you better eat fast because you need to be laying down, not moving around.”

“Well the food ain’t coming to me ya know,” Nick defended.

“I’ll take care of that too,” Howie assured. “Are you running a temp?”

Nick slowly slid into the booth. “I dunno, wouldn’t be surprised I guess. I’ll live.”

“How about a ham and cheese sandwich, Fritos and a glass of milk?”

Nick shrugged his shoulders. “It’s not a pizza but I’ll take anything you make.”

“Isn’t it time for your meds too Nick?” AJ asked as he eyed the bottles sitting on the counter.

“How the hell do I know? No one told me shit about this stuff, Johnny got it filled and then we left. Period. It’s all in German anyway, how am I suppose to know.”

“You don’t know what they gave you?” AJ asked incredilously.

“I’m lucky I even got the IV out, Johnny had me rushed out of there so fast you would have thought the building was on fire or something.”

Reaching out, AJ grabbed the bottles and looked at the labels. “Yeah, you’re right, it’s in German, but I think I see a 3 which I would think means three times a day and this other one has a 2 on it--”

“AJ, don’t be screwing around, this is serious here,” Howie reprimanded.

“I remember them giving me this one stuff twice a day, one pill,” Nick offered as he picked up a half of the sandwich Howie put in front of him. “And this other one they gave it to me like every four hours when I said I hurt.”

“AJ, we’ll have to ask Kevin, he can read this shit, not you!”

“Dumbass Kev is sleeping, Nick should take something so his system doesn’t lapse.”

“Are you going to wake him up?” Howie questioned.

“No way, I wanna live. Nick seems to know what he was taking, let the boy do his meds.”

Nick gestured toward the bottles. “Give them to me, I’ll take them, but I want Howie to make me another sandwich.”

AJ chuckled. “You heard him. Bitch, make the boy another ham and cheese.”

Howie shot an evil glare towards the table. “I’m nobody’s bitch!”

Opening the bottles, Nick spilled part of the contents onto the table. “I think these were the ones for pain and those were something I had to take twice a day and this one I think it’s once a day.”

“See, Kaos knows what he needs to take,” AJ pointed out.

Setting the sandwich on the table, Howie stared at AJ in disbelief. “Did you hear the words ’I think’ in front of each sentence about the pills? What the hell does that tell you?”

AJ and Nick looked at each other and shrugged their shoulders.

“I’m going to get that translator thing,” Howie stated as he left the kitchenette.

“What the hell does dumbass Howie know. I’m the one taking the meds, not him,” Nick announced as he sorted through the pills on the table. Picking out five pills, he tossed them into his mouth and gulped down the last of the milk in his cup.

“Atta boy, show them you’re in charge of your life,” AJ coached.

Brian walked sleepily into the dining area, rubbing the sleep from his face.

“Ewww... it lives,” AJ hissed.

Brian opened one eye and looked at the tattooed man that was grinning like a Cheshire cat. “What the hell?”

Groaning, Nick slowly stood up from the table.

“Nick, what are you doing out of your bunk?” Brian demanded.

Nick sighed. “God, nobody wants to see me, I don’t feel the love anymore.”

“He was hungry.... as usual,” AJ offered with a smirk.

“You’re feeling better?”

“Not really, just starved.”

“Well for you that would be a sign that things are getting back to normal,” Brian grinned.

“I’m going back to bed and try to find a comfortable spot....wake me when we get to wherever it is we’re going to.”

Brian and AJ watched as Nick slowly made his way back to the sleeping area.

“Poor kid, I feel bad for him. I still can’t believe Johnny making him leave the hospital,” Brian remarked.

“Well you know how mista contract is--”

“Okay I got the translator.... where’s Nick?”

“Back to bed,” Brian said.

Grabbing the bottles, Howie sat down with the translator and started punching words into the device. “Shoot, nothing comes up for this name...”

Brian eyed his Backstreet brother wearily. “D, what are you looking up?”

“Nick’s medications, you know, the names and stuff are in German and we were wondering what he was taking and what times and stuff.”

“I doubt you’d find anything about his pills on a German translator, besides, he went back to sleep it can wait until Kevin gets up,” Brian suggested.

Howie sighed. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

“Nicky took care of it already,” AJ stated.

Both Howie and Brian narrowed their eyes when they looked at AJ. “Nicky did what?” they said in unison.

“He took care of it already,” AJ repeated.

“AJ! Didn’t you listen to our conversation about the meds before I left to get the translator?”

AJ put his hands up in the air. “Stop yelling at me Howie! Nick’s a big kid he knows what he was taking at the hos---”

“He thinks he knows remember that conversation? He kept saying ’I think I took this one twice a day and I think I took this one one time’ God, AJ do you realize how serious this can be?”

AJ leaned back in the booth, folding his arms behind his head. “Howie, you worry too much.”

“Do you remember what all Nick took?”

“Stuff he said he should be taking, god D wouldja just chill man. It’s not like he’s gonna go psycho or something on us.”

“Just wait til Kev hears about this!”

AJ rolled his eyes. ”Just wait til Kev hears about this’” he reapeated in a mocking tone of voice. “Dare you to wake him up right now and narc on me asshole.”

“Nick..... Nick, wake up....” Kevin pleaded with the teen as he poked on the boy’s shoulder. “Nick... c’mon buddy...”

Nick’s brothers stood behind Kevin as he calmly tried to wake the young boy up. The calmness Kevin possessed was quickly turning into panic as he gently patted Nick’s cheeks.

“Nicky, wake up!”

“Try this,” AJ motioned, holding out his bottled water.

Grabbing the icewater, Kevin splashed the water onto Nick’s face. Startled, Nick awoke, coughing and sputtering.

“God, I didn’t think we’d ever get you awake!” Kevin breathed.

Dazed, Nick looked up at the concered faces that were hovering over him. “Huh?”

Kevin decided to see if Nick was oriented. “How are you feeling?”

“Mmmmphf,” Nick mumbled, closing his eyes and rolling over putting his back to the men.

Kevin reached out and rolled Nick onto his back. ”NICK!”

“Wha?”

“Wake up, dammit! Don’t do this to me!”

Nick rolled over onto his back; his eyes at half mast.

“He needs to walk it off,” AJ advised, authority in his voice.

“Walk it off and flush it out of his system,” Howie added.

“C’mon Nicky,” Kevin groaned as he tugged at Nick’s arms. “God, you’re so heavy....” dropping an arm, Kevin turned and glared at the threesome that stood in the aisle, mouths hanging open. “One of you want to help me out?”

Brian quickly stood next to his cousin, pulling on the other arm. “Nick, help us out!”

As the two pulled on Nick, dragging him out of the bunk, they soon realized the mistake they were making when Nick dropped off the mattress onto the floor with a dull thud.

“Goddamn,” Kevin breathed.

“Yeah, that’s what his kidneys needed--”

“AJ shut the fuck up!” Kevin hissed.

Nick put a hand to his forehead, letting a soft moan escape his lips. “Fuck.”

“Here Nick, drink this,” Howie urged, holding out bottled water.

Nick slowly shook his head, declining the offer.

“Drink it you stupid ass!” AJ growled.

Nick accepted the bottle from Howie, his movements were slow and mechanical. His hand fell short of meeting his mouth and dropped onto his lap, spilling the water onto the floor. Kevin reached out and slapped Nick’s face harder this time than the last one.

“Why the hell is he acting like this?” Kevin crouched down and grabbed the blonde by the hair, jerking his head up. “Nick, what did you take?”

“Meds,” he sleepily replied.

“I have a hard time believing that pain killers would snow him that bad,” Kevin thought outloud.

“They would if he took too many of the wrong things though,” AJ offered quietly.

Howie narrowed his eyes at his friend. “AJ, did Nick do what I think you two were talking about before I got that translator?”

“Nick said he knew what he was doing---”

Kevin groaned, sitting on the floor next to the blonde. “God, do I have to watch you now too?”

“Here’s the pills that the doctor gave Nick,” Brian stated as he held the bottles out in the palm of his hand.

The sound of pills rattling around in the bottle was the only noise made as Kevin turned the meds around, reading the labels. “Well, from now on, I’m in charge of this,” he stated, curling his fingers around the bottles. “Nick can’t afford a fuck up like this again.” He looked up at AJ with his piercing green eyes. “Not one of your best moves AJ. This could have been serious, and now, like always, here I am covering for your ass once again.”

AJ cocked his head to one side. “Covering my ass for what?”

“It’s not for what it’s more like from whom.”

“Who’s the whom?”

“Hey ladies! The bus has been stopped for thirty minutes, you need to actually move from here and walk into the hotel, come on, we’re on a schedule here!” Johnny barked from the front of the bus.

Giving AJ a tight smile, Kevin gestured towards the front of the bus.

“Oh.”

“Come on Nicky, lets get you into your room,” Kevin soothed.

Before he even attempted to open his eyes, the migraine told Nick it wasn’t a good idea. Every square inch of his body hurt and it hurt to even lick his lips. Nick allowed a moan to escape his lips and almost instantly, the scent of freshly washed skin with Zest soap greeted his nostrils. Nick knew this could only mean one thing.

Kevin Richardson.

“Sh-h-h-h, it’s okay.”

Nick wrinkled his brows as his mind was trying to come to terms with two things:

1. Kevin was in a room with him

2. He was actually treating him decent despite the fact that he had an Osama of a hangover with a killer migraine.

Slowly reaching up to place a hand on the side of his head that throbbed the most, Nick tried to recall what he had been doing the night before. He couldn’t remember going out and clubbing, but he quickly decided that has happened to him before. He was prone to clubbing amnesia when he drank hard liquor.

“Are you feeling any better?”

“What did I do last night?” Nick whispered in reply. As he waited for an answer, he could hear the sound of water dripping and then a sudden chill enveloped his body when a cold, wet compress was placed across his forehead.

“You slept most of the day away today,” Kevin replied in a soothing voice.

“But what did I do last night?”

Nick pulled the cloth away, slowly opening his eyes. He drew a breath in when the fuzzy image of Kevin came into focus.

“You look like shit,” Nick observed quietly.

Running a hand through his damp hair, Kevin sighed. “I guess so, I’ve been up with you for the last twenty four hours.”

Nick could hear the fatigue in his older brothers voice. His southern drawl was more prominent when he was tired, equally the same for Brian when he was sleepy.

“Why did you stay up with me? You usually get upset with me when I fuck up and get drunk.”

Brushing lint from the sleeves of his grey University of Kentucky sweatshirt, Kevin replied, “You didn’t get drunk Nick, you OD’d on your meds.”

Nick groaned, his mind trying to sort though the information that Kevin had just provided. Why would he overdose on meds? He wasn’t upset over anything that he could recall. Things were going alright, he thought.

Taking in the unfamiliar surroundings, Nick realized that he wasn’t at home in his own bed. “Where am I, anyway?”

“Cologne.”

Cologne’?’ Nick’s sluggish mind tried to come to grips with why he would be in Cologne. Suddenly, the pieces of the puzzle came together. “I’m so sorry Kev.”

Patting Nick lightly on the shoulder, Kevin sighed. “It was an accident Nick, just do me a favor and ask before you pull a stunt like that again, okay?”

Nick managed a small smile in response as he snuggled deeper into the warmth of the blankets, falling into a restful sleep.

A loud bang followed by a muffled cough, shook Nick from his peaceful dreams.

“God, I’m sorry about that.”

“Bri? Why are you here? Where’s Kev?”

“I gave him a break, he hasn’t slept since we got here and I made him go to his room and lay down.” He paused for a moment, studying his best friend’s face. “How’s your headache?”

“It’s still here,” he whispered.

“You scared the crap outta us, Kev was freakin out--”

Nick’s moans stopped the conversation.

“Hurt bad, huh?”

Nick gingerly licked his dry lips, “Yes, but it hurts to think too.”

“Do you want me to get a doc?”

Slowly shaking his head, Nick immediately regretted the movement. “No, I’ve had worse. I just need it quiet.”

"Hey Kiddo how you doing?" Johnny asked as he entered the room, not caring that the lights spilled onto the bed, making Nick wince.

"How do you think he’s doing?" Brian sneered as the dark man walked over to the teen.

Not answering the question, Johnny stated, "I heard you woke up and that’s good." He studied the blonde as he said, "You look better than before."

"Everything is relative," Brian mumbled. Nick who was doing his best not to moan, bit his lip, saying nothing. Johnny turned towards the sandy blond haired man, "Littrell, I‘m sure that Carter can speak for himself. After all he’s not a baby," he stopped for a second before continuing, "even if God knows that he often acts like one." A small chuckle, as if he was amused over his own joke.

Brian responded with a glare.

Not awaiting any answer Johnny continued, "It´s good that you´re resting up today since we have to get moving tomorrow. We have to fly to Holland."

Upon hearing these words Nick groaned. He was in no shape to deal with going on an airplane on top of all his aches and discomfort that he was experiencing. His head felt twice as big and even when he moved his head the slightest it felt like it would explode right off his shoulders.

This had Brian in for a fit, "What? Nick is in no shape to travel anywhere and the doctor said that.." He was rudely interupted by the manager.

"The doctor knows nothing. We have a schedule to keep and if we cancel one more show you guys can kiss the European market goodbye." It wasn’t true, but Johnny knew that if he said something like this Nick would get a scare and shape up his act. Brian on the other hand knew that it was bullshit and wasn´t buying at all.

"You’re disobeying doctors orders and I’m telling you that Nick is in no shape to go anywhere but stay in bed."

"Well I am telling you otherwise." Johnny said a bit annoyed. Turning to the pale blond who looked groggy and was as white as he sheet he continued, "You better rest today Nicky because tomorrow you’ll need all the strength you can get." With that he walked out of the room.

"Asshole," Brian hissed as the door slammed shut.

A bit surprised Nick turned against his Older brother, frowning. It was rare that Brian Littrell used such a strong expression, espescially when it came to something that concerned him. He noticed by the redness in his friends face that Brian was upset and he did his best to calm him down.

"Don´t worry," Nick mumbled as he tried to sit up in bed. "I’ll be fine."

"You’re not fine," Brian said with a sigh, "You have a kidney injury and on top of that you overdosed on your own medication and you’re restricted to bedrest." He drew back his breath, "Johnny has no business to say that you should be up and traveling."

Nick sighed deeply as he fidgeted with his blanket, "Yeah he does," he mumbled silently, "he’s my manager and he runs my life."

The dull humming of the planes engines filled Nick with a mixture of peacefulness with a dash of nausea thrown in for good measure. He had tried for the past twenty minutes to find a comfortable spot in the tight airline seat and adjusted his tiny pillow several times to no avail.

“Here, I forgot to give you these before we took off this morning.”

Lifting the bill of his ball cap away from his eyes, Nick was greeted by an open palm with five pills laying in it. He followed the hand to where it was connected.

Nick waved him off. “I’m feeling better, I don’t need to take those.”

“And the reason why you feel better is because I’ve taken control of the situation making sure you take your medications as scheduled in the proper amounts.”

“C’mon Kev.....seriously,” Nick groaned.

“Stop being such a baby and take them. Just get it overwith and you can go back to sleep.”

Sighing loudly, Nick held out his hand, waiting for Kevin to dump the meds. Tossing the medications into his mouth, Nick uncapped his bottle of water and quickly washed the pills down. “You really suck since you’ve been taking it upon yourself taking care of my pills, you know that?”

Kevin grinned. “Yeah, a job I live for.”

“What exactly did you give me, or better yet, what did that doctor give me?”

“I gave you two of your antibiotics, one steriod med, one prozac and a dramamine....”

“Whoa.. whoa, wait a minute! You gave me prozac? Why the hell am I taking prozac?”

“The doctor had his reasons for it, you just have to do what you’ve been told Nick. It’s obviously been working, right?”

“Well... yeah I guess so.”

“Then you can’t argue with it then, can you?”

Nick shrugged his shoulders. “I guess not. Wait a sec, you gave me dramamine.. I’m fine. God Kev, you trying to drug me up?”

Kevin rolled his eyes. “No I’m not trying to drug you up,” he assured in a mocking tone, “you just have this little history of puking your guts out during a plane trip and I just didn’t want to have to relive your breakfast coming back up.”

Nodding, Nick realized that Kevin was right. He was prone to motion sickness either on a plane or sitting in the backseat of a car. It was a life long curse and it had reared it’s ugly head up one time too many.

Giving a light slap on Nick’s leg, Kevin stood up. “Try and get some rest, okay? I know Johnny is going to be making us on the run when we get to Holland.”

“Dude, get your ass up, the plane is clear, c’mon we don’t have all fricken day,” AJ mumbled as he smacked Nick’s shoulder. Shifting his carryon bag over the opposite shoulder, AJ glared down impatiently at his young brother.

“Kaos, I don’t have time for this, get your fatass up now!”

Anger was slowly giving away to frustration and then to sudden panic as Nick’s head bobbed around as AJ pushed on the boy’s shoulder. “Shit, Nick!”

Dropping his bag, AJ ran off the plane to find Kevin for help with Nick, screaming his name at the top of his lungs. He got to the waiting area, finding Kevin standing alongside Johnny.

“AJ, what the hell are you doing screaming like a fool?” Johnny hissed.

“Kev, it’s Nick, I can’t get--”

AJ didn’t get a chance to finish his words as Kevin immediately sprinted towards the plane, ignoring the calls from the manager and a flight attendant. AJ ran behind Kevin, swearing with each step.

Reaching the young boy, Kevin lightly slapped Nick’s cheeks. “Nicky, wake up... shit, Nick, wake up. God, I know I didn’t give you too much.... please, please wake up!”

“Should we call a doc or something?” AJ wondered outloud.

Kevin sighed, “I think we have to... I don’t know what---”

Kevin’s words were cut short by the sudden sound of Nick bursting out in a full fledged belly laugh. “I had you guys goin’.”

“Goddamn it Nick,” AJ hissed. “You sonofabitch!”

Nick’s laughter was soon replaced with yelps as AJ started pounding his body with balled fists, squarely landing on their intended target. Being blindsided, Nick didn’t have a chance to defend himself, his only option left was to cover his face but only after one blow landed on his eye.

”AJ.. that’s enough!” Kevin grunted as he pulled the scrawny man away.

“Thanks Kev.”

Glaring at Nick as he stood up, Kevin spat angrily, “Totally inappropriate Nick, considering what we’ve just been through with you and your overdose. You fucked up again. It would be nice if someday you’d learn, but as immature as you are, I doubt it.”

Nick could only watch as Kevin turned away, escorting AJ alongside. Groaning as he bent over to retrieve his carryon bag, dragging it on the floor as he trudged alone, down the hall towards the lobby.

Staring at his reflection in the bathroom mirror, Nick stuck his tongue out. His eye was starting go from a reddish looking scuff mark to a blueish hue, compliments of AJ’s punch in the airplane.

“Just peachy,” he sighed, turning the faucet on, cupping water and splashing it on his face.

A knock on the door, and a voice calling out “Room Service” tore Nick away from the sink. Grabbing a white towel, he quickly wiped his face off and then hung the towel around his neck as he walked toward the door.

Opening the door, he allowed the young boy entrance into his room, with the direction of ‘anyplace is fine.’

“You having a party sir?” the boy asked in broken English.

Signing the room service bill, Nick blushed. “Yeah, something like that.”

As the door softly closed, Nick pulled the tray up to the edge of the bed, taking the covers off of the plates of food he had ordered. He knew he ordered enough food for three people, but he didn’t care. He felt lonely, hurt and upset. The only way he knew how to cover the pain he felt was to seek the comfort in food.

Playing video games and snacking, Nick was shocked to discover that he had absently ate everything that was ordered. Rubbing his distended stomach, and moaned. “God why did I do that?”

As he searched the tray to see if everything was in fact consumed, the phone rang. Lifting the receiver, Nick mumbled into the phone, “Yeah?”

“Carter, press conference in thirty minutes. I expect you down there, no excuses,” Johnny barked into the phone.

“But... but--”

“But.. but,” he mocked. “Your fatass can sit in a chair and answer questions. Now get your butt moving and get dressed for this. I expect to see you there being the professional you’re paid to be.”

Before Nick could plead his case, the manager slammed the phone down, disconnecting the call. Tearfully, Nick placed the receiver back onto the cradle, slowly dragging himself off the bed towards his suitcase. Selecting a pair of blue jeans and a football jersey, Nick tossed them onto the bed. Before he started his task of getting undressed, he quickly grabbed the room service cart and pushed it out the door into the hall, hiding the evidence of his binge.

Staring down at the clothes on the bed, Nick suddenly realized that it had been almost a week since he had worn actual street clothes. He had been practically living in sweatpants or pajama bottoms. It was when he tried to button the jeans did he realize that he couldn’t get the sides to meet across his bloated stomach.

“Fuck.”

Laying down on the bed, he tried to zip the pants up but the only thing he had succeeded in doing was putting pressure on his aching kidneys. Struggling for a few more moments to get them fastened, he finally gave up, leaving the pants unzipped. Since the jersey hung mid-thigh, Nick decided he would have to make due with the pants for the time being.

Standing in front of the bathroom mirror, Nick dragged a comb through his stubborn hair, trying his best to make the rooster tail that decided to pop up in the back to lay down. A firm knock on the door, drawing him away from the task at hand. Wordlessly, Nick flung the door open, walking back towards the bathroom.

“Geeze Nick, you know you’re suppose to check before you open the door,” Brian reprimanded. “What the heck happened to your hair?”

Nick sighed. “It went to shit, like the rest of my body.”

Brian leaned back onto the bed, tucking an arm under his head. “Hey, it’s only natural to feel like crap after what you’ve been through with your kidney getting bruised. Is it still giving you trouble?”

“That’s the least of my problems,” Nick mumbled.

“I still can’t believe Johnny is forcing you to go to this press conference. I tried to talk him out of it. He’s insane.”

“Yeah he’s always getting on me about something. Okay, I’m ready to go,” Nick sighed.

“Wait a minute, you’re not gonna wear that are you? Johnny said to dress up.”

Nick looked down at his jersey. “What’s wrong with this?”

“Um, nothing, but your jeans look like the crotch is down to your knees. What’s up with that?”

Nick’s face flushed with embarrassment. “Um, I kinda had problems. I guess those steriods made my stomach a little distended. I couldn’t zip my jeans up all the way. I should be fine once I quit those stupid meds.”

“Nick, I don’t know how to tell you this, but you’ve been putting on weight long before getting hurt. It’s just starting to be a lot more noticeable.”

“You’re just saying that because of the jeans.”

Brian shook his head. “No, I’m sorry, but everyone is talking about it. You need to be careful before Johnny starts in on you.”

“Well I know my body, so just fucking leave me alone about my weight, okay? Let’s go before Johnny goes postal.”

"What are you smiling at?" AJ whispered to him.

Nick shrugged back. "None of your business," he snapped.

"Well stop it, you look like a dumbass." AJ´s eyes darkened, still grinning at the reporters infront of them. To outsiders it looked like they were chatting friendly istead of biting each others heads off.

Nick smiled. That came with the territory. Smile, never let anyone know how shitty you are feeling. That was their number one rule. SMILE!

He stiffled a groan not to show anyone how uncomfortable he was feeling. If Johnny ever listened to him he wouldn´t be stuck in a situation like this. Feeling like something the cat dragged in. His back ached and it didn't make it any better that he had to wear those tight jeans. Jeans that he was too bloated to button. He was actually grateful that the table infront of him hid his little "secret". It would be too embarresing if anyone spotted that he was too fat to even button his own jeans. He felt like a bloated whale. Oh how he wished that he hadn´t overdulged himself on all that food.

Another groan escaped his lips at the thought of all the food he had eaten. It was rolling around in his stomach, making him even more bloated than ever. At that point all Nick wanted to do was to curl up in a ball and sleep the misery away. He swallowed hard as a burp suddenly appeared from nowhere. Shit! He didnt want to embarress himself with belching infront of the European media. There were no telling what the headlines would be.

Brian must have discovered his discomfort as he turned his way, mouthing, "Everything Okay?" There was concern in the Kentuckian's eyes.

"Mhm.." Nick nodded as he continued to stare down at the table, feeling miserable. If his stomach and back was making him want to throw in the towel it was nothing compared to the discolor his eyes were. The makeup artist had worked hard trying to cover up the black and blue eye that was forming in his face. Evidence that AJ thought he was nothing but a stupid ass. He didn't know what hurt most. The fact that he got hit or the fact that AJ had stared at him like he wanted him to disappear from the face of the Earth!

He most have zoned off beacuse the next thing he knew he felt an elbow hitting him in his side, making him wince at the impact that crushed against his ribs. Looking at his side he saw AJ grinning at him. There was no doubt that the short man was responsible for yet another violent injury. God how he hated that he always had to sit beside him. Bone was pretty okay, but he could be a pain in the ass sometimes. Especially when he was bored. And Nick knew that his friend longed so much after Amanda and Nick had to take alot of heat.

"Pay attention," AJ wheezed through gritted teeth. "They asked you a question."

"Oh." Boy did he feel stupid. Turning to the waiting reporters he flashed a toothy smile. "Yes? What did you want to know?" Deep inside he prayed that they wouldn't ask him a private question and instead asked something about the album they had were planning to record in the fall. Yet he knew that it would be a fat chance and steeled himself for answering whether or not he wore boxers or briefs. What was it with that question anyway that seemed to intrigue so many reporters?

A female reporter looked up at him smiling. He smiled back. Politely. "What have you done with your eye?" she asked with a broad accent. "Where you in a fight?"

The silence that followed was so thick that you could cut it with a knife. Fifty pair of eyes stared at him, no doubt awaiting for him to fuck up with the answer. Nick fidgeted uncomfortably. Why did reporters always try to get him on the spot? Thoughts moved in his head as he tried desperately to find a suitable answer. An answer that the journalists wouldn't disect like a dead frog in biology class.

Nick licked his lips nervously, his stomach doing lazy churns as the journalist was ancipating to find out the "truth" of his injury. It didn't make the problem less as he could feel Kevin's piercing eyes burn him in his back. 'Please,' he begged desperatly, 'Please don't let me fuck up!' It was so easy to say the wrong things.

When he opened his mouth to answer he heard Kevin's barritone voice say, "Nick was playing basketball when he was hit with a ball and.." He didn't get to end his sentence before another journalist interrupted him rudely.

"Why dont we get to hear from the main source himself, Mr. Carter, what happened?" The man turned towards Nick, setting his eyes in him, asking in a doubting tone, "Is that the truth? Mr. Carter?"

Oh no. Now they really had him. The teen shifted uncomfortably in his chair. Feeling like he wanted to vanish, to fly from the room. Usually he had nothing against answering questions like this, but Johnny had made sure that if there were any unwanted publicity they would be in for a real treat. And Nick thought he had enough problems as it was.

"Yeah," Nick mumbled as he cleared his voice, "Like Kev was saying I was playing B'ball when I missed a ball and wham," he demonstrated with his hands how the ball had hit him, happy that his acting lessons were paying off. "I got this black eye." The famous Nick Carter smile combined with a small embarressed laugh had the journalists soon eating from his palm.

All but one reporter who said in an sarcastic tone, "Must have been a really hard ball."

"Yeah I am well known for my hard shots," Brian added with a smile, and there was a relaxed laugh in the crowd. They had once again managed to hide the truth from the press. If they would have gotten a dollar for everytime they told a "white lie" to save a situation, or go around the truth, they would have been rich by now.

"What a dork!" AJ said with a grin, as he patted Nick playfully on his shoulder. This had the crowd ahh-ing with delight. If there was something the reporters loved it was when the boys showed off that they were "brothers". Nick could have sworn that there was a hint of regret in his friends eyes. But it would take alot for AJ to actually tell anyone the real truth about the "accident" and Johnny had forbid that such things would be revealed. Brian laughed too, but it didn't reach his eyes. Howie on the other hand did not. He sensed as always that all wasn´t right in Nick Carter land.

Hoping that this was the last set of questions Nick turned back to study the table, leaving the rest of the guys to continue with the press conference. This was one of the advantages of being in a group. He could always let someone else do the dirty work and instead space away. Nick had never liked it when there were too many people surrounding him. It made him feel nervous and when he was nervous he started to stutter, saying the wrong things and got sick to his stomach. It was different depending on day. Whether it was a good or a bad day. Today was a day when he lacked more self confidence than ever.

Brian's words that he was getting fat and that it was starting to show burned worse that a cigarrette burn inside his heart. His hand trailed under the table, feeling his stomach and all he felt was fat. Sloppy fat that made him sick.

Was Brian right after all? That he was fat?

His stomach still hurt from the overeating, reminding him of his latest weakness. He wished that he hadn't gone that far. He was a pig! A fat, ugly pig. The more he thought about it the fatter he felt. Nick moaned quietly as his stomach rumbled loudly. Maybe if he could purge he would feel fine again. Then he wouldn't be fat anymore. The more he thought about it the more comforting it felt, and soon he couldn't wait until he was out of the room. In private.

Once again he was lost in his own thoughts when he Kevin snarled to him, "Nick they are talking to YOU!"

Shit! Nick pricked up his ears. Did he miss another question? This did not look good at all. He looked up at the crowd, smiling apologetically. He heard Kevin saying that it had been a long travel and that he appologized so much on Nick's behalf that he wasn't with them all today. He also added for good meassure that they had all been suffering from the flu and were not entirely well yet. That was just half truth since Howie was the only one still affected by the disease. He was coughing and sniffling, blowing the red stopped up nose ever so often. Nick almost felt sorry for him. Yet Howie managed to show that nice side that had more or less become his trademark.

Another Backstreet smile, combined with a flashing with his eyes and Nick had them all on his side again, "I'm sorry I didnt catch that last question." he said softly, coughing slightly to make a point. If it was something that weakened the reporters it was when one of them didn't feel one hundred percent. This he used like a pro.

"Mr. Carter there is a rumour that you have been hospitalized for a few days. Is that true?"

More private questions. Nick wanted to scream. When would the reporters ever stop digging into their private life? The air got tense again as all eyes were turned towards Nick who blushed nervously. He shifted uneasy, not knowing what to say or do. His eyes trailing over to Kevin, begging the older man to field the question. As on cue, no hesitation Kevin answered, "Yes Nick was in for a small ailment. Nothing to be concerned about he is all well now."

The journalists were not at all satisfield with the answer. They pushed on. "So what is wrong with you Mr. Carter?" a man in a tie with big dots on asked, scribbling down something on the notepad he held infront of him.

"Are you sick?"

"Injured?"

"Will this affect the tour?"

The questions were many and it swirled in Nick's head. Not that he had anything against answering them, but it was the issue of saying the wrong stuff at the wrong time that bugged him. Kevin came forth for him again,

"No, No," the dark man shook his head. "Nick just took a bad fall when he was dancing and he hurt his back a little. "There was a sound going through the room. Holding up his hand Kevin continued, "Nothing serious. But the doctors wanted him to rest up to see so no permanent danger was done." Kevin smiled towards the crowd, "He is fine now." Kevin slapped his little brother in the back, "aren´t you Nick?"

Nick nodded, smiling. Once again Kevin Richardson had come to his rescue.

"You are free to ask the last question," the host announced with a nasal voice. Not a moment too soon for the Backstreet Boys who all felt exhaustion sweep over them. Howie, whos eyes were bright with the cold and fever he still suffered, hid a yawn beneath his hand. Both AJ and Kevin were dying of hunger and Brian needed to go on a bathroom break. For once Nick wasn't the only one that felt distressed.

When it was finally over Nick stood up in a haste. He was about to leave the room when Kevin caught him by his shoulder, "Where do you think you´re going?"

"Out. Isnt it over?" There was surprise ín Nick's voice that was hard to hide.

"We have a photoshoot first," the tall man muttered. Nick wanted to cry. Standing in the flashes was the last thing he wanted today. He looked like total and utter crap and he was sure that even the photographers thought he looked like hell. Fat with a blackeye. Could it get any worse?

"NOW?" Nick groaned involuntarily.

"Yes now," Johnny growled, " Do you have a problem with that Carter?" The manager was sweating, both due to the stressed schedule as well as he was still feeling the effects from the flu that had haunted him for the past week. Their road manager Clark was the latest victim to the Backstreet bug and he was back in the hotel, safetly resting.

Nick shook his head.

"Good, make yourself ready then."

"Can we at least take a short break?" Brian whined, twinning his legs like he was desperate for the facilites. "I am dyyyyiiiinggg to ppeeeeee!" The drama queen in the Kentuckian making an entrance.

"No can do." Johnny shook his head as the host came up, announcing that it was time for the boys to take place on the stage again.

"I will explooodeeee." Brian whined miserably, folding over, doing his best not to hold a certain area of his body.

"Looks like Nicky did that already." AJ laughed as he pointed towards Nicks stomach. Everybodys eyes turned towards his lower region.

"What?" At first the teen didnt follow what was said, then he remembered the unbutton jeans!. Red color crept slowly upon his face as he blushed, pulling down his sweater.

"Yeah but I bet he isnt fixing to explode from wanting to pee." Kevin said with a grin. This statement brought a fit of laughter in the room and Nick wanted to die even more. How embarressing. Desperately he tried to say something biting back, but was saved by the host announcing once more that it was time to go ontage for the photo session. He tried his best not to act like it made him upset but the comments that had followed were not nice at all.

"I had a stomach ache." Nick defended himself, only getting more smiles back. No one believed him.

"Stomach ache? Don't lie Carter." Johnny hissed. When Nick opened his mouth to interject the manager continued irritated, "Get your fatass up there. Now!"

"Yes hurry Nick," Brian wailed, " Lets get this over with before I wet my pants." The short man was not happy at all. He too wanted it to be over as quickly as possible.

The moment the photo session was over all air went out from him. His back was hurting, not to mention his stomach which was constantly reminding him of his own stupidity. The fact that he hadn't got to talk to Manda for a long time made him feel even more miserable. He sulked, walking silently beside Howie as they were on their way out to the waiting van that was going to take them back to the hotel. Fortunately they did not have a show that night, which was good because all Nick wanted to do was lay down, feeling sorry to himself.

"Are you okay?" Howie asked sniffling when Nick had said nothing since they left the room. His brown eyes peered at the teen with a mixture of concern and compassion. "Is it your back that is bothering you again?"

Shaking his head, Nick mumbled, "No." He didn't dare to say anything since tears were threatening to spill over. Exhaustion swept over him like a spirit and suddenly it all felt too much. He was tired of people always nagging at him, thinking that he was a dumbass. That he always fucked up and was immature. No one had said anything to him about how he had zoned out during the interview, but he knew that as soon as they were out of public Johnny would take him aside and chew him out.

Right now that was not something he could take.

"Are you pissed?" AJ wanted to know, leaning over to him, peering atop of his glasses.

"No."

"Yes you are." The rebel grinned. "You know better than wear pants that don't fit you." A small laugh was uttered, "I mean Kaos I dont think that the whole world needed to see if you were wearing boxers or briefs."

Loud laughter filled the van. Nick blushed even more. Usually he was never late to laugh at his own mistakes, but today he felt sore and vulnerable.

"Leave Nick alone. He's tired." Howie mumbled, blowing his nose from the umpteenth time.

"Aren´t we all?" Kevin yawned. "God I am dead tired. It will feel so good to go back to the hotel and sleep!"

"Yeah man, why are'nt we moving?" Bone asked when there were no movement in the van.

"B'rok isn´t on yet."

"Dude. I thought that someone was missing." AJ said as the door opened and a relieved Brian showed his face.

"Man I really needed that," he said as he sank down beside Nick, who moved closer to the window. Still not saying anything.

"Are you ready to leave then?" Johnny asked shutting the door behind him. A unison mumble was heard and the driver started the van.

They didn´t travel long before AJ suddenly uttered, "B are you a folder or a scruncher?" His eyes were gleaming micheviously.

"What?" Brian asked, looking like a questionmark as he scratched himself on his head. "What do you mean by that?"

"Don´t mind him," Howie mumbled as he sneezed into a tissue.

AJ gave a short glare to the Latino as he continued, " Just answer the question Brian. Are you a folder or a scruncher?"

"What kind of stupid question is that?" Kevin asked a bit irritated. He was tired and hungry and wanted some peace and quiet in the van. The last thing he needed to hear was AJ asking irrelevant questions.

"Mý question! Damn you sure are anal Kev!" Getting an angry stare back from the man in question.

"Oh, I am a folder," Brian muttered. "if you really want to know."

"Yeah I figured that out and you.." AJ grinned, pointing at Nick , "you are a scruncher."

"No I am not." He was heading down the trap. "I ball it!"

AJ bursted out laughing. "You ball it??"

Brian grinned, "Yeah he does."

"Like you would know that." Nick muttered, annoyed that the guys always found something to mock him about. "Yeah are there any problems with that?" Nick felt irritated. That and tired and he really wanted AJ to shut up. Kevin wanted him too and Kevin was the man to say it to AJ.

"No...no problem." The skinnier held up a hand, "but I bet that the fans would like to know that." He chuckled.

"Awww shut up Bone. You are pathetic."

"Immature," Howie added.

"Still got the potty humor I see." Brian muttered. No one was appreciating AJ´s attempt to make a joke. Not when hunger and sleep was knocking on their door.

"Jeeze lighten up will you. I just wanted to know how B wipes his ass." AJ sneered. "God can there never be a joked told in this fucking place?" The skinny man got visibly irritated and he turned towards the window looking out.

Nick sighed. When it was silent once more in the van he closed his eyes. The vehicles rocking made him sleepy and before he knew what hit him he heading down the road of dreams.

"Is he asleep?" Kevin asked when the even breaths could be heard in the vehicle. He nodded towards the teen.

"Mhm.." Brian answered, glancing over his friend who slept soundly. But there were something with his appearance that had him a tad concerned. His cheeks appeared unnatural flushed. Was Nick not well? He felt on the forehead with the back of his hand. Yup, Brian frowned. Nick was definately warm. "Man," he sighed heavily.

"What?" Kevin asked impatiently. "Is something wrong?"

"Yeah I think Nick's got a bit of a fever." He let go of the hand, afraid that he would wake the teen up. Nick had been through a couple of rough days and yesterday when he had overdosed on his meds had them all in for a scare. Maybe this was the after effects of that.

"A fever?" Now it was Johnny's turn to yell from the front of the van. "Are you saying that it is Carter's turn to get sick?" He groaned loudly as came to the realization that once again the youngest in the group was afflicted with some kind of ailment. "That kid attracts all sorts of germs that are out there." He muttered to himself, "The promoters will not be happy when they hear this."

"Cool it," AJ mumbled, not sore any longer. "You all know how Nick is, one time he has this, the other that. Dude, you are freaking out over nothing. He is probably exhausted after traveling. In fact I think we all are."

There were a unison mumble of agreement in the van.

"Hey Bone," Howie pointed to a street, "Isn´t there were the famous Red Light District is?" He was talking with an whispering voice so the manager wouldn't hear what he was talking about.

"How the fuck would.." AJ started when he suddenly remembered what the street stood for. Girls. Nude Girls. "Yeah man, we better check that one out. I heard that they have some cool joints there." There was a gleam in his eyes.

The plot didn't work out as the boys had expected since Johnny had through out the years developed a sixth sense when it came to knowing what "his boys" were up to. "I want you all to rest up tonight and don't go to any clubs." He turned to look over his shoulder, "And NO Red Light District!" There was a tone of warning.

"Man! I never get to do anything fun!" AJ sulked, looking down at the floor.

"You are underaged." the manager stated, "and I don't want you all to get any more media attention than neccessary. And stay out of the bar tonight will you? It doesn't look good to the press. You are a boy band and suppose to be role models to the younger population. Not getting yourself smashed every night."

"Jeeze," Kevin muttered under his breath, "I'm an adult ain´t I?"

"Yes but you have younger fans." Johnny sighed, "all I asked you to do was to keep it calm tonight. Is that too much to ask for?"

AJ was the only one to respond, "Crap. When do we get to check out the clubs then?".

"Never."

"Dammit!" AJ was not happy.

The rest of the ride went under silence, everybody was too tired to discuss anything. Brian longed to be back at the hotel so he could call Leighanne like he had promised. He was so in love and the blonde girl was the best thing that had happened to him. He had even asked Johnny if she could join him on the tour getting a negative response back. The reason was that the management thought that a girlfriend would "distract" the guys too much, and would be bad publicity. It was important that the fans thought that they were all single, since management believed that if the truth came out about their private lives they would fall in popularity.

"Wow look at this!" Howie burst out as he saw the crowd of girls standing outside waiting for them. They were all screaming and everywhere the guys looked there were girls. Brunettes, Blondes, Red-heads, blacks. Hundreds of girls. Everywhere!

"Fuck! This is incredible." AJ uttered as he looked outside. "Totally awesome."

"How are we gonna get in without being crushed?" Kevin asked, always worrying over what would happend next.

"Don´t worry," Johnny said hanging up on his cell phone, "The bodyguards will take care of this. The van stopped and fans rushed towards the vehicle, pounding on the van. The guys felt like animals trapped in a cage.

"This is crazy!" Kevin said as he watched the girls trying to get as close as possible to the van. The noise outside was as deafening as it could be when about hundred girls screamed the loudest and highest they could. It was enough to wake up a dead.

Through this riot Nick slept peacefully.

"What are we going to do with him?" Brian asked, mentioning with his tumb towards his sleeping friend. "We can´t wake him up." The older boys sixth sense told him that after the attack with the fans the other day when Nick bruised his kidney the teen would be scared shitless watching the crowd that was piling up outside. After all Nick had been going through he wanted to spare him this.

"We have to wake him up," Kevin said with a sigh. He too wanted to spare the teen to have to face the riot that were going on outside, yet he had no choice. They would have to face the crowed. Smiling as always.

"BRIAN! Wake Nick up! It´s time to get out!"

"But..but," the younger man stuttered. Nick needed all the rest he could get. Johhny was of another opinion.

"No buts..He has obligations to do!" The black man's tone was harsh, Brian glared angrily at his manager. He disliked him more and more. Johnny took much too often his irritation out on Nick. The teen was an easy target and this was something that Mr. Wright seemed to have discovered. If Johnny was bad, Lou Pearlman was the worst. Brian was lucky as long as that man didn't steer the ship.

"What should we do then?" Brian still felt reluctant to wake Nick up. The teen hated when they treated him like a baby, still he didn't think that his friend was in any shape or form to face hundreds of screaming girls that would do anything to get a piece of him. It was too wild.

"Can we go another way?" Kevin asked as he tried to find an escape route. "Isn´t there a back entrance to the hotel?"

"No," the driver answered, " It's too hard to go down with the van down in that tight lane, and even if it was possible we can't go anywhere due to the risk to run down fans."

They were stuck.

"Damn, this is fucking incredible," AJ repeated like a broken record. He made a face to the screaming girls outside. He laughed when they screamed even louder, pounding at the van. "These girls are crazy."

"Listen, Joe, Jake, Don and the rest of the crew will meet you guys outside. They will make a passage so you guys can go through. Also I have called in more people for security messures." Johnny ran a hand through his short black hair. "This is wild," he repeated over and over again.

"Great, But that still doesnt lead us to know what to do with this boy." Kevin nodded with his head towards the blonde that was sleeping peacefully, totally unaware of the riot that was going on outside. "He will panic when he sees this!"

"I know, I know." There was desperation in Brian's eyes when he looked outside. He loved his fans, but this was too much.

" I talked to Don, Nick's bodyguard and he said that he could carry the kid if it was neccessary." There was a mocking tone in the manager's voice when he uttered the last words.

AJ busted out laughing, "Yeah that would fit. We baby him anyway..heheheee...so maybe we can burp and change his diapers when we're at it!"

"Ajee!" Kevin wasnt too amused.

"That might work," Brian mumbled, nudging his friend gently on his shoulder. "Nick," he whispered, "Come on wake up."

A slight stir.

"Nick!" A bit louder. "We're at the hotel."

"Nooo, let me sleep," the blonde moaned, shifting in his seat. "I do..I don´t feel so..so..good."

"We know. But we're at the hotel and have to get out now from the van. You can rest when you come up to the room." Kevin frowned when he spotted the flushed cheeks on the teen.

"Can´t I sleep in the van instead?" He was barely coherent, wanting the others to stop bugging him.

AJ, sick and tired of his little brother always wanting to get attention yelled, "Hey Kaos. Check it out! There are hundreds of girls outside. It's freakin' wild."

Brian shot a glare to the skinnier man, wishing that he shut up. Kevin did the same, adding a silent move where he pretended to cut AJ´s throat. The 20-year old was not high on his list at all, especially not since he was doing his best to add problems to an already panicky situation.

It worked!

Nick shot up his eyes like someone had stung him, looking outside a bit disoriented. "Holy shit!" He ran a hand through his sweaty hair, sitting up straighter in the seat. Bone was right. It was crazy.

"Why did you have to do that for?" Kevin asked, demanding an answer.

"You wanted him to wake up and I did that!" A grin came across AJ´s lips. Turning towards the dark man he added, "So I think you should thank me instead of being pissed at me!"

The look Kevin shot back could have killed on the spot, and a crime would have comitted if Nick hadn´t yelled. "I am NOT going out there!" There was panic in his eyes. True panic as he moved away from the window where girls were banging on the van, trying to get his attention. "NOOOOO WAY!"

A deep sigh came from Brian. He could have figured this out with his pinky! When Nick set for something, it didn't matter what it was, there was no way that they could change his mind. At one time, when they were in Asia, their plane was delayed and they were scheduled to go on a smaller plane. Nick had gone totally ballistic, claiming that he would NOT on ANY circumstances get on that plane. No matter how they had cajoled, soothed or even threatned him they hadn´t got the teen to change his mind. This had them all waiting, sleeping on hard plastic chairs for almost 20 hours. Needless to say they had been pissed, espeicially Howie who loved to be up in airplanes. Kevin tought he was a wuss too. But Nick did not change his mind. Frankly Brian was happy for that beacuse flying with a hyper teen in panic was more than even he could muster! It would have been similar to holding a cat over a tub of water.

Nick had the same desperate look in his eyes and Brian knew it was futile to talk him into going outside.

"What is happening?" Johnny barked when he heard the loud discussing that was going on in the back.p>

"Kaos refuses to go outside," Howie informed him, adding, "so what else is new." Even if Howie often cared for people around him and he had well earned his nickname Sweet D' he still could get royally pissed at Nick. The fact that the teen loved to tease him didn't help either and sometimes Howie just wanted to throw him off the bus. Violence however was not a part of the Latinos life, even if he thought that the blonde was much too immature for his own age. He knew that the event a few days ago had scared his friend dearly, but it could just as well be Nick's famous stubborness that had set in, which he strongly suspected.

"Calm down now," Kevin said with his southern growl when Nick was acting like a panicked deer caught in the headlights.

"I wont go out there..I wont.." the eighteen year old repeated over and over again. Like a mantra. The girls outside were getting impatient and several of them climbed on each other, trying to get an extra peak at the guys.

"Shut the drapes!" Kevin yelled when he saw how Nick was almost sitting in Brian's knees, trying to get away from it all. Brian shut the drapes as fast as he could, blaming himself for not thinking of that sooner. That could have spared Nick some discomfort.

"He is in panic!" Brian was starting to get desperate too. Frack had a bad habit to work himself up sometimes and often it ended up to be very big. He was making a hen out of an feather.

Johnny was now starting to loose his patience, "This is fucking unbelievable," he screamed as he climbed to come to the backseat. "Howie you take the front seat. I wanna talk to Nick!" Without any comments Howie did as he was told, the black man was practically fuming with anger. Brian held a protective arm around Nick, when Johnny entered the scene. The teen was shivering, both from panic but also from the fever that ran through his veins. To say that Nick was in a miserable state was no understatement!

"Nickolas!" Johnny was speaking with as calm voice as he could manage, altough it sounded forced when he spoke through gritted teeth. Reaching out to grab his arm, Nick shrugged quickly away. The black man had seen so much in his days to know when someone was having an anxiety attack and here Nick was experiencing one. The boy was white as a sheet, his lip shuddering as chills wracked his body. On top of everything his skin felt cool to the touch and he looked like he was on the verge of crying. At that moment the singer acted far away from the young man that he was and this had the manager a bit concerned.

"I don't wanna go, please dont make me go," Nick whispered hoarsly, over and over again. His eyes closed as though he didn't want to see the situation infront of him.

This was getting out of hand.

"Nick calm down, relax." The black man's voice was soft when he realized the teen wasn't playing a game. "Listen to me."

Nick however had no intention of doing like the manger wanted to. He was too much in his own world.

"Nooo....nooo," He moaned over and over again.

"Shit, this is fucking unbeliveable." AJ mumbled. In his eyes his friend was acting like a basket case and this scared him more than he wanted to admit. He knew that the kid had some issues, but this was more than he bargained for.

"Shut up." Kevin was doing his best to remain calm, but even he was scared over the way Nick acted and looked. He was afraid that the teen was going into shock. Why, he had no idea. "You´re not doing anything better by yelling at the kid!"

Brian threw AJ a hard glare and the short man quieted down, turning his attentíon towards the crowd instead.

"Look at me when I talk," Johnny's tone was firm, as he grabbed Nick's arm once again. There was no results as the teen still held his eyes shut. This was testing the managers patience and he wished that Clark would have been here instead. Johnny didn't do people that well and this was the reason why they had assigned the new road manager to do that kind of work after that his wife Donna was too busy to handle the business. AJ´s mother Denise would also have known what to do in a situation like this. Johnny, however did not! "NICK FOR HEAVENS SAKE! STOP ACTING LIKE A RETARD!!" The limit was reached and he was yelling at the kid again, before he could stop himself.

It seemed to work as Nick opened his blue eyes, the panic shining, blinking several times. Still not saying anything.

"Stop yelling at him." Both Brian and Kevin was upset over their managers unfitful behavoir. Ignoring this, Johnny continued a bit more gently, altough he had to breathe through his nose all the time to stay calm. "Nick listen, Don is going to help you. He will carry you through the crowd and everything will be just fine."

"No....no." Nick shook his head. They will crush me." he drew in a shaky breath, "just like the last time and then..then I wont be as lucky." He looked at the manager with tearfilled eyes, "please don't make me go out there. Please."

Even a toughass like Johnny weakened as he saw the miserable state the teen was in. Yet they couldn't stay in the van forever. People would start to wonder.

"NO! Don will come and that is it!"

Nick's lips quivered as he realized that there was no turning back. No matter how he pleaded he still had to go out to the vulchers. The last days event was too fresh in his memory and even if he tried to talk himself into that it was not going to be dangerous, nothing would happen and he would be safe it still made him skiddish with panic. This was something he couldn´t control!

"Hey dude," AJ leaned across the seat, patting Nick lightly at his cheek. Brian responded immediately with a glare, about to open his mouth to say that Bone should mind his own business. Nick steeled himself too. He knew that he was acting like a baby, but he couldn't help it. This was beyond what he could manage. Ignoring the silent glares that he got from the rest of the group he continued softly "Everything will work out fine. Believe me." The rebel looked straight into Nick's eyes and to the rests surprise he seemed to calm down. "Don will help you. Don´t worry. There is nothing to be afraid of. Okay?"

Everybody held their breath waiting for the teen to throw an even worse fit. They fell flat on their asses when Nick whispered shakily, "O..okay, Lets go then."

Nick Carter always amazed them!

"What the fuck did you do McLean?" Johhny was full of admiration when he noticed how well the 20-year old handled the situation. "No, no don´t tell me. I don´t wanna know." Johnny grinned. "Not as long as this worked." Brian and Kevin couldn't believe their eyes either. The only one that wasn't surprised was Howie. He knew that AJ was far from the bad ass that he often pretended to be.

Shrugging, AJ mumbled, "Doesn't matter." Turning to the rest he said, "Lets get going then before Kaos changes his mind."

With that, action was taken. No time to spare.

"Okay... yes I think so too. Yes baby I hope that we get to see each other soon. I miss you honey." Brian was talking on the phone with the love of his life, his girlfriend Leighanne. It was nearly a month since they had seen each other and he was counting the days until they could be together again. "No baby, nah it isn´t too stressful. Yes I am taking care of myself." On the other line Leighanne was worried over his health, mainly the open heart surgery that she knew would come in a couple of months. Brian was worried too. Even more than he wanted to let on. Yet he also knew that there was no turning back. He had to do it if he wanted to survive. Leaning down on his elbows, he put the phone next to his chin and cheek as he fetched the remote control, turning to Mtv. "No he's in the bathroom. Yes everything is alright." Brian glanced towards the closed bathroom door. He didn't want to worry Leighanne more than neccessary. Not that he thought that she would be too concerned over Nick. The truth was that the two of them didn't get on too well together and Brian suspected that the only reason why they talked was beacuse of him. Kevin on the other hand worked pretty good with his girlfriend.

A soft knock on the door broke his concentration. "Hold on, there's someone at the door." Putting down the receiver on the purple bedspread, he set down his bare feet on the cold linoleum floor, padding over to open the door. He paid no further attention to who was at the door, instantly returning back to bed. Looking up he saw that it was his cousin that came for a visit. A short nod and then he was back to the conversation. "Where were we?

The tall man, frowned. He had changed his clothes to something more casual, dressed in a pair of faded jeans and a white T-shirt. He too was barefoot like his cousin. Running a hand through the dark hair he whispered, "How´s he doing?"

Shaking his head Brian montioned towards the receiver that he was busy talking, "No hon. It was just Kev that came in."

"Just Kev! Boy do I feel wanted." The Kentuckian pretended to be hurt, but a smile toyed on his lips. The smile faded, "Where is he?" Without further delay Brian pointed towards the closed bathroom door. They could hear the shower running inside. Raising an eyebrow Kevin asked, "Is he okay?"

Brian shrugged back. He really didn´t know. Nick was a tough character to understand and when he thought he had a hunch on the teen he often found out that he didn´t know him at all. Nick was a bundle of emotions which had him react and act in all sorts of ways. Sometimes in a non understandable way to his surroundings.

"Has he been in there long?"

Brian nodded. "About an hour," he whispered, turning back to Leighanne, "No. I was just talking to Kev."

His cousin frowned. "You think he is alright?"

Another shrug. Brian didn´t know that either. As soon as they had come back from the hotel Nick had gone straight back to their shared room, locking himself in the bathroom. No matter how much Brian had pressed on, wanting the teen to talk he had clammed up. The anxiety attack that he had experienced on the bus had scared them and when Brian wanted to know how it had effected his friend the teen had just shrugged it off, saying that he was fine. Brian didn´t buy those words at all. Nick had been carried by the strong bodyguard so that he didn't get crushed under the masses of fans that were pressing, trying to get close to their idol. It had been totally crazy out there and to tell the truth he had been scared too. Nick on the other hand had been in fitful panic. Once they were in safe again he could see that his friend was as white as a sheet, trembling like a leaf, yet he said nothing and Brian hadn´t wanted to press on. Nick would talk when he felt ready to do that.

From the corner of his eye he saw Kevin set his steps towards the small bathroom, knocking softly "Are you there Nick?"

Brian couldn't help but grin at his cousins stupid comments. Who else would be there? No response came and he turned his attention back to Leigh again. She was talking about a new outfit that she had bought, "No I´m not doing something else" White lie. "Yes I AM paying attention to you!" That was another white lie, since his attentíon was mostly directed towards his cousins futile attenpts to get Nick to open up.

"Nick if you´re there open up!" Kevin barked, knocking harder on the door. Still no response. Pressing his ear towards the door Brian could see a frown on his cousin.

"What?" Brian mouthed, holding a hand over the phone, blocking out all sounds. "Do you hear anything?"

Shaking his head, Kevin held up a hand, "Nick are you alright?" he called out. He could have sworn that he heard sobbing in there.

Finally a life sign.

"GO AWAY!" Nick's voice was thick like he had been crying and this had Kevin pounding even harder on the door.

"Open up! NOW!"

"I'm taking a shower. GO!" Nick shouted as he out voiced the waterflow inside.

"Nick!"

Something was thrown at the door. It was clear that the teen wanted to be left alone. The tall man sighed. There was no use in trying to get Nick to reason when he was in this mood. And he had been like this for a long time. Surrendering to Nick's will, Kevin sighed deeply, walking over to sit on the empty bed in the corner of the large room. He had to wait until Nick thought it was okay to come out. When was no telling when though, due to the teens strange behavoir. Sweeping a hand over his face he felt torn. God knew that he wasn´t assigned to be the kids babysitter and dealing with a moody teen was more than he bargained for.

Looking at his side he saw that Brian was engrossed in his conversation with Leighanne and they seemed to be laughing over something together. In the midst of his misery he couldnt help to think that Leighanne did his cousin good. He was starting to mature and this was good since dealing with two hyper "teens" was more than he could handle right now. A pain of sadness felt in his heart when he thought about his girlfriend back home. He had known Kristin since they were teenagers and even if they fought they always came back to each other. This time however he wasn´t too sure. He had been unfaitful to her, maybe one time too many and right now their relationship was on hiatus.

Finally Brian was making signs that he was about to hang up. "Well honey I gotta go. Kev´s waiting. Yeah I'll call you tomorrow. Kisses. I love ýou too." The Kentuckian made a kissing sound in the receiver before hanging up, smiling like a cat that caught a bird.

"Tell Leigh bye for me," Kevin said a bit too late.

"Sorry," Brian appologized as he stretched in bed, "She hung up."

"S'okey." Kevin sighed as he motioned with his head towards the door. "What should we do about HIM?"

Following his friends tracks Brian's smile faded as he looked towards the closed door, "How´s it going? Any progress?"

"Nah." Kevin shook his head. "That teen is so damn stubborn."

"Yeah I know." Brian grinned. "Just leave him alone. He´ll come when he feels ready for it."

"Mhm..I hope so. I thought I heard him crying, but I might mistaken."

Upon hearing these words Brian sat up straighter in bed, "You heard what?" He moved swiftly over to the door, suddenly very concerned over the outcome. "Nick," he knocked once more, "Nick are you alright?"

A mumble was heard.

"Are you crying?"

"NOOOOOO!!" Nick yelled from the otherside. "Jeeze Frick can´t I even take a shower without you acting like I am dying?"

A bit hurt Brian backed away, "There's no need to be pissed off. Sorry that I asked," he grunted back as he walked down to his bed again, head hanging.

"Don´t mind him," Kevin comforted his cousin. "He is just being a moody teen."

Brian looked up, meeting his friends green eyes. "I really hope that it is all there is." To tell the truth he felt more and more concerned over Nick's strange behavoir. Kaos had always been a kid that was easy to get alng with, but these past weeks he seemed so moody. So withdrawn. Almost like something was hounding him. Not leaving him alone. Shrugging Brian continued, "Anyway did you want anything more than to see how Frack was doing?"

Kevin nodded. "Yeah I came to warn you two."

"Warn us? About what?" Looking over at his cousin he said with concern, "What is going on Kev?"

Massaging his temples the young man started, "Johnny and Clark had one hell of a fight. You should have heard them and it ended with Johnny giving Clark the boot!"

"The boot? You mean he fired him?"

"Yes."

"Man, why?"

"I dont know but I think it had something to do with Nick." Kevin sighed as he rubbed his temples in smooth round circles, "God I have this headache," he added with a frown, "You have any Tylenol?"

"Check that sportsbag," he pointed with his finger towards the white and blue bag that was carelessly thrown on the floor, stuff ripped open. Then he continued, "Nick? you´re kidding me?"

"Thanks man," Kevin was already searching for the wanted item. Finding the bottle he opened it up, shaking out two pills into the palm of his hand. "You have any water?" He searched around for something to drink.

"No, check the minibar." Impatience was heard in the short mans voice as he repeated, "You´re saying that they were arguing about Nick?" He looked a bit suspecious, "You´re not pulling my leg are you?"

"Nope!" Kevin jumped off bed, walking over to the minibar. "Clark mentioned something that Johnny was pushing us and especially Nick too hard and this got Johnny really pissed. Especially when he said that he was going to report "the abuse" to someone higher up." He took out a beer. "You want one?"

"No." Brian shook his head. "Go on!"

"Anyway Johnny got mad and fired Clark on the spot." Kevin sighed as he took a swig. "You sure that you don´t want anything? This is really good."

"Noooo man," Brian groaned. He loved his cousin but when it came to telling something Kevin could go on forever. "God, what do we do now? I don´t think that Johnny can handle this all alone. Can he?"

"Okay, your loss." With that he threw the white pills in his mouth, returning back to the bed. Answering Brian's question he said, "No, I don´t think he can either and this is why I am coming to warn you. Guess who has decided to show up?"

"Donna?"

"Nope Mr. Pearlman has decided to grace us with his presence."

"LOU!!!! Oh man!!" Brian grabbed at his head. Turning to his cousin he said with hope in his voice, "You´re kidding me right?"

"Naaa," Kevin shook his head again. "I wish I was though." He took another swig from the beer.

"Oh brother Nick will be so thrilled." There was massive sarcasm in his voice. "Dude, this can´t get any worse," he mumbled more to himself than to anyone else.

Kevin nodded. "I'm guessing you´re right on that one."

As if on cue they heard how the water was turned off and a loud bang was heard. A loud, "FUCK!" and then the sound of someone violently vomiting filled the entire room. Both cousins looked at each other, shaking their heads as they uttered in unsion, "I guess not!"

'You are so fucking pathetic Carter,' the voice told him over and over again as he purged violently into the porcelin bowl. Closing his eyes, didn't want to have to face the mess he had created in the swirling water below. When all that was left was dry heaves he reached for the toilet handle like a blind man, still not looking. The smell that assualted his nostrils was nothing but pleasant and it made him feel even more nauseaous. Groaning, he flushed the evidence away. The evidence of him being a small patetic creep that couldn´t handle any pressure. He was a whimp!

Shit, his stomach hurt so much from the heaving, but he had to get the food out of his system. Now he felt several pounds lighter, almost normal, ready to face the world again. His thoughts were interrupted by his concerned friends once again calling out for him.

"Nick, Are you Okay?"

"Open up, let us help you."

They had been banging on and off for a while now, yet he had choosed to ignore them. First because he was pissed that they were on his case all the time, second because he félt too sick to answer them. But the third reason was the strongest one. He didn´t want anyone to see him in the miserable state that he was in. Not that they hadn´t seen him sick before, no it was more that this time HE was the reason why he was expelling his stomach contents like a dirty old sock turned inside and out.

He felt a bit better. Not fine, but better. Sitting up he noticed that he was naked. The need to puke had hit him so bad while he was showering. Not because he felt sick, at least not in the right sense, mentally was another question. No more because seeing himself in his birthday suit made him queasy. No matter how he tried he couldnt get rid of the obsessed idea that his body was all but a bundle of fat, dripping away. He looked like a bloated pig!

A sudden rush of nausea washed over him and he was happy that he was still kneeling beside the throne. Leaning over he did his procedure, closing his eyes as he awaited for the heaves to come. He hated this! It was the worst thing he did. Puking. Ever since he was little he always fought when he was feeling sick to the bitter end. Throwing up was something that he tried to avoid as much as possible, yet it had latley been a way for him to control his own feelings. The more he mangae to expell the better he felt!

This time it was false alarm as his stomach had nothing for him to spew. Spitting the yellow bile into the bowl he hoped that he was done for now. Standing up he noticed that his legs felt like overcooked spaghetti. A dizziness washed over him and he would have fallen if he didn't have the wash basin to steady himself against. Even in his most miserable state he still found the sitiuation a bit humorous. Here he was standing, buttnaked in a hotel room with his two brothers screaming at him from the other side. Maybe humourous wasn´t the right name. Pathetic might be better words. Sighing, he pulled down the towel from the rack, drying himself off. Before he was done wiping he was sent back to the toilet bowl, heaving one more time. When he was sure that the worst was over he brushed his teeth and wiped away the tears that rolled down his cheeks. The queasy feeling that had followed him ever since he ate earlier was gone now, replaced with a new refreshed feeling. Looking in the mirror he could have swore that he had lost a pound or two.

Nick smiled to himself. This felt good.

The satisfaction didn´t last long as Brian banged hard on his door. "Come on Frack let me in now." There was desperation in the young mans voice.

Feeling better the door unlocked with a click just to be met with both Brian and Kevin practically falling through. Startled, he jumped aside as the two of them came tumbelling in like projectiles. "Wow I didn´t know that I was that popular." He grinned.

When the two men had regained their posture they turned towards their little brother, concern shining in their eyes. "Dude how are you doing?"

"I´m fine." Nick mumbled, not wanting to look them in their eyes. "Why are you asking?"

"Fine? Kaos you´re not fine. You were throwing up. That is far from fine according to my book." Kevin wasn´t that easily fooled, neither was Brian who tried to look into the bathroom, in search for something.

Nick narrowed his eyes, "What are you looking for Bri?"

"Oh nothing." The Kentuckian drew back his head, offering no further explanation. Nick didn´t have to guess twice what his friend was suspecious off. He was so relieved that he managed to throw all the food garbage away before they had left for the press conference otherwise he would have been in for a real treat.

Kevin hadn´t settled down yet, "Why were you throwing up then?"

"Why?" Nick was stalling as he left the bathroom with just a towel around his hips. "Eh...maybe because I was feeling sick, or I had eaten something bad or.. Who knows why people throw up?" He was acting like a drama queen, flailing with his arms. All to stall the situation at hand.

"Kaos I didn´t want you to write an essay. I just wanted to know how you were doing." Kevin seemed annoyed.

Nick shrugged back "Sorry."

"Sick? Are you sick Frack?" Brian had that suspecious look, kind of like a detective and that made Nick feel even more insecure.

It felt like all air went out in him. "I don´t know.." he sighed before thinking what he really said. When he saw the frowns on the two cousins foreheads he changed his version again, " Might be the nerves. My stomach been acting quite funny lately."

"Maybe you ate too much," Brian offered, getting a weird glare back from Kevin.

"Why would Kaos eat too much?" Kevun scratched his head. "You didn´t eat that much for dinner. Did you?"

Nick shook his head.

Kevin sensing that he was onto something turned back to Brian, "Why did you ask that question? Is there something I don´t know about?" Suspecion gleemed in his eyes.

"No.. no." Brian wasn´t inclined to reveal anything about Nick's overeating. At least not now. "I don´t know. I just thought so." He narrowed his eyes towards Nick who shifted nervously. "You didn't overindulge yourself did you?"

Nick felt himself blush as he looked down to the floor. "No," he said barely audible.

"What are you two talking about?" Kevin was getting aggrivated. "Speak up so I know what you mean." Turning to Nick he said, "What does Brian mean by that?"

"No idea." Nick tried to act like it didn't bother him at all, yet he could feel the looks that Brian sent out, he was onto him! And soon Kevin would be that too.

"Now when the bathroom is finally avaliable," Brian shot a glance towards Nick who fidgeted where he stood. "I´m going in." With that he opened the door and went inside.

"Take your time," Kevin said calmly, "We are not going anywhere. Are we?" He turned towards the teen, "Ok Nick why did you get sick?"

"I think it could have been the nerves you know That situation outside really scared the crap out of me." He smiled paley, "Anyway I feel fine now."

"Really?" Kevin stroked his chin. "B said you had a fever. Maybe you are coming down with the flu like the rest of us had?" Mr. Richardson always tried to come up with plausible explanation for everything and Nick wished that he would once in a while lighten up. Chill out. Don´t worry so much.

"Yeah come to think of it." He sniffled as an exclamation. "Maybe you're right. The flu is finally getting to me." Standing up he walked over to his suitcase. Hunching over he searched for a pair of boxers and a T-shirt. Kevin studied him in silence.

"Dude, you sure have started to pack on a few pounds lately. Maybe you should start working out with me." The words held nothing bad to it, but Nick jerked back upon hearing this.

Now they were ALL nagging him about his weight!

Quickly he put on his T-shirt, hoping that it would cover most of his stomach. With a pale smile he stood up, trying to act like the words hadn´t hit him like a knife in his back. He pretended to yawn. "I´m going to bed. I´m beat."

"Sounds like a good idea," Kevin perked up. "Maybe we should all follow that example. I´m tired too." He yawned, but made no attempt to get out of bed.

Nick coughed lightly "Hmm..hey Kev."

"Aha?"

"I said I was going to bed." the teen clarified slowly, like he didn't want to disturb his friend, who seemed to be ingrossed in watching tv.

"Mhmm.." No movement.

"Ehhh.. I am going to lay down in THIS bed." He patted with his hand on the bedspread.

"Oh." Finally the coin fell down in the slot machine. Kevin stood up, apologizing. "I´m sorry."

"No problem." Nick jumped under the covers, laying down his aching head on the soft pillow. It felt good and he started to think that he was more exhausted than he had let on.

"Well I better get going then," Kevin looked at Nick who had drawn the sheet up to his neck. "Just wanted to hear how you were doing Kaos."

"I said I was fine."

"Yeah so I noticed." His voice held a tone of sarcasm. "Anyway I came to tell you that Lou Pearlman will be joining us tomorrow."

"LOU? Why?" Now it was Nick's turn to be shocked. The last thing he wanted was Lou "The Pig" Pearlman to be on his case about his weight. Johnny was bad enough, but Lou was down right mean. He loved spiting him. As Kevin told him the story he drew a shaky hand over his face. Groaning.

Oh how he loved his life!

The worst possible nightmare had come true, Nick decided as he looked up from his drawing pad across the aisle. He had wished that Kevin’s announcement that Johnny had fired Clark was just an unsubstantiated rumor but soon realized how true it was when he heard Lou Pearlman’s deep voice as he approached the boys who had been standing in the lobby waiting to board the hotel shuttle van.

Now he was trapped in a foreign county with the sweaty manager that he knew would be dogging him 24/7 about everything under the sun. Johnny’s treatment was mild compared to what the demanding Lou Pearlman could hand out, Nick theorized. Lou seemed more sneaky about his ways of making Nick feel like he was a third wheel in the group and an unimportant member. Usually by the time Lou ever left a meeting that Nick had been in attendance, instead of feeling pumped up and excited about everything that was happening in his young life, he usually left feeling lost, worthless and disillusioned.

Sworn to secrecy by Lou in the beginning of the Backstreet Boys, Nick never told anyone how badly he was mentally abused by the older man. Deep inside, he thought that maybe he treated the others the same or that he probably did things to deserve the verbal assualts.

Judging by the body language from his bandmates, Nick wondered if they felt the same as he did about Lou joining them. The normal joking around was missing and they all were acting like they were attending a funeral, sober faces and sullen expressions.

“SAS Flight 492 to Oslo, now preparing to board,” a thickly accented voice announced over the lobby intercom.

“Guess that’s us,” Johnny groaned, stretching his lanky body as he stood up. He clapped his hands together several times, almost like a kindergarten teacher rounding up her students from recess. “Come on guys, let’s get moving, we don’t want miss the flight.”

Catching a glimpse of Lou pulling out a handerchief and wiping his sweaty face, Nick involuntarily shuddered.

“Carter, come on, we can’t wait for you,” Johnny snapped.

”I know,” Nick whined, lifting his backpack off the floor. “Just let me get my stuff put in here, alright?”

Nick hastily unzipped the green carryon bag, grabbing the pad of paper and pencils and shoving them in. He became angry when the bag refused to zip closed and he laid it against his stomach, shifting it back and forth in hopes of settling the treasures that were stashed inside.

“Come on boy, you’re going to make us late,” Lou growled.

In his haste to cooperate with the bulky manager, Nick didn’t realize that a few of his precious items escaped a gaping seam in the bag, slipping between the cushions of the chair, lost forever.

Slinging the backpack over his shoulder, Nick sprinted to catch up with his band brothers at the boarding gate.

“Always the last one in line,” Johnny mumbled as he shot a glare at the young blonde.

“I’m pacing myself,” Nick joked.

“I need to see your passport,” the flight attendant asked as Nick stepped up to the counter.

“Sure,” he casually replied, setting the backpack onto the floor. His smile slowly faded as he started patting the front pockets on his jeans in search of the thin booklet. Upon seeing the guys had already started walking down the tunnel to board the plane, a panicked expression started to form on Nick’s face.

“Sir? I need to see your passport,” the woman insisted.

“I-I’m looking for it,” Nick squeaked as he started to frantically pat down his pants pockets, shirt pocket, finally turning each pocket inside out.

Hearing the commotion that was going on from behind him, Lou jerked around. Anger flashed in his eyes when he witnessed the young teen frantically turning his pockets inside out.

“Did you check your carryon bag?” Lou snapped, approaching Nick.

Pulling at the stubborn nylon zipper, Nick discovered it was jammed. The adrenaline that coursed through his veins put his panic into overdrive as he tugged at the seams on the bag, finally ripping the nylon zipper apart. Peering inside, he realized that the plane could possibly leave him stranded in a foreign country and quickly turned the bag over, spilling the contents onto the tile floor.

Watching the contents of the bag splatter onto the floor, pencils and pens rolling away in opposite directions, half eaten food and wrappers, CD’s and a walkman clattering when they made contact with the hard tile, Lou could only shake his head in disgust.

He and Johnny had been having a converstation when he first arrived at the hotel about the things that had been going on with the boys and the main topic of the converstation was Nick.

Seeing the empty candy wrappers and bags of potato chips and half eaten cupcakes that littered the floor in front of the young man, there was no denying where the weight came from that had seem to settle on the boy’s stomach, hips and face. Over a few months time from when Lou had last seen him, Nick had gone from a cute, gangly looking teen to a chubby on the verge of getting bigger, acne complected teen.

Somewhere along the way, Johnny had lost control of Nick and his out of control eating habits. With the boy being the ringer to the group’s success, Lou knew the reigns had to be tightened on Nick soon before it was too late.

“I-I can’t find it! It’s not here!” Nick moaned as he sifted through the pile on the floor.

“He cannot board without a passport,” the flight attendant stated crisply.

Looking up at the manager, Nick’s blue eyes widened in terror. “Don’t leave me here! I’m sorry!”

“Calm down,” Lou snapped. Gesturing with a chubby finger towards the door, he asked, “Can I go on the plane and explain our situation?”

“We normally wouldn’t allow---”

“Look lady, I have four kids on that flight and I have a conflict here and he can’t go, so I need to relay a message to my co-manager.” Pushing his arm against the woman as he walked by, Lou gruffly added over his shoulder, “Nick pick up that mess, I’ll be back in a minute.”

Tears blurring his vision, Nick hiccuped as he tried to hold off the sobs that stung his throat. For some strange reason, he doubted that Lou Pearlman would return. He was afraid that the fat man was going to leave him there, stranded. Blindly, he scooped up the items and shoved them back into his broken backpack. After he completed his task, he inched slowly away from the counter, never taking his eyes off the door for fear he would miss the manager’s return.

Seconds seemed like minutes as Nick stood waiting for the manager to return from the plane. Fear gripped his heart and he was certain that the man would leave without him. They all seemed to hate him, but Mr. Pearlman seemed to dislike him the most, Nick decided. He had done the ultimate screw up and there would be no living this one down for a long time.

Relief washed over Nick when he saw the manager walk toward him. If someone had told him yesterday that he would be happy to see Lou Pearlman’s face, Nick knew he would have died laughing. Funny how feelings change when the circumstances put you in a desperate situation.

“Well, first things first son,” Lou stated as he placed a ‘fatherly-like’ hand on the young man’s shoulder. “I need to make some calls when we get to a hotel, we need to have your papers faxed so we can get a passport ASAP.”

Nick could only shyly nod his head in agreement, not sure if he could respond without making the manager angrier than he probably was at him already.

Standing in the middle of a clothing store, Nick groaned. Things probably couldn’t get any worse, but Lou had insisted that since their luggage was already in Oslo and they had to spend the night in Germany, a change of clothes was in order. Normally, Nick would be happy at the prospect of buying something while he was traveling, but the way Lou stared at him when he told him that they needed to buy some clothes made Nick want to cover his head and hide.

‘You look like you poured yourself into those jeans. I bet it’s hard to breathe in those.’

Lou’s words hurt Nick and kept playing in his head over and over again. At first he was angry that the manager had the balls to ever make such a comment given the fact that he wasn’t mister fit and trim himself. After cooling down a bit, Brian’s and Kevin’s words played in his head about how he looked like he had been gaining weight. Nick had comforted himself with the opinion that he was going through growth changes and that it was normal for his bodyweight to fluctuate from time to time, but now he was wondering if the stabbing remarks were true; that he was becoming a fat slob.

“We better buy a few pairs of jeans, I doubt the ones you have in your luggage fit you anymore,” Lou muttered as Nick approached the fat man with his purchases.

“God, do you want to check my crotch to make sure I got the inseam right?” Nick snapped back as he rolled his eyes. The glare the man shot at Nick made him squirm. After the sale was completed, the manager told Nick to change his clothes so they could go out for dinner.

“You’re not serious are you?”

“Dead serious. You might as well be comfortable. I’m guessing you can’t even zip up the pants you have on right now.”

Nick could feel the heat rise to his cheeks as he tugged at the hem of the sports jersey that hung loosely over his body.

“But we’re in the middle of a mall, you want me to use a public restroom to change my clothes?”

“It’s that or strip down by this fountain.”

Sighing, Nick motioned with his head to the silent bodyguard to follow him towards the restrooms. “I feel so stupid,” Nick mumbled as he entered the bathroom, ignoring the stares and finger pointing from young girls that scattered when he walked down the small hallway.

Nick hated to admit it, but after sliding on the new pair of jeans he felt more comfortable and was glad to be rid of the older pair. He debated about putting the old pair in his bag but quickly decided against it, throwing them in the trash. “Won’t be needing those anymore.”

Nick’s mouth watered as he looked over the menu in the small, modest Italian restaurant. He was starving and all of his worries about being stranded in Germany with Mr. Pearlman had quickly disappeared. His main concerns now were of taking care of the gnawing hunger that clawed at his insides.

A tall waitress approached the table, “Hello, my name is Sylvie, what is your pleasure this evening?”

Clearing his throat, Lou laid his menu down. “I’ll have the pasta combination and a large tossed salad, Bleu Cheese dressing, and a glass of red wine. The boy will be having a house salad, no cheese added to the salad only garden vegetables and a cup of your light house dressing on the side and also a bottle of purified water.”

Before Nick could speak after the waitress left, the manager leaned closer and locked eyes with the young man. “This is for your own good Nick. I’ve noticed how you’ve been putting on weight and you need to start eating healthier.” He stopped his conversation when the waitress reappeared with the beverages, setting them on the table. Waiting for her to leave, Pearlman continued his one sided discussion with Nick.

“I know this is an embarrassing subject for you, but Nick, you realize you’re what makes the Backstreet Boys a seller. Sure we have Kevin, Brian, AJ and Howie, but to be honest with you, you’re the one the girls buy the songs for and you’re the one they come to see at the concerts.”

Nick could see the manager’s mouth moving but he couldn’t hear the words. He absently played with the water bottle and nodded when he thought it was appropriate to do so.

Drawing a breath in, the manager continued. Something about Lou’s expression snapped Nick out of his self pitying daze and he listened. “Now Nick, Brian will be having surgery soon so you will have plenty of time to lay around and grow fat and lazy but that’s not going to happen with you because we are adressing this now and getting you into shape before it’s too late. You need to be the star and stars don’t get sick or get soft. You can do this for the fans. It will be tough going in the beginning, but you will soon learn to love salads and water. This will be good for your health and your face too. You’re getting too many pimples too.”

Nick quickly placed a hand on his face when the manager pointed out the pimples that always seemed to come and go at will. He could have made an agruement about the make up that was slathtered on his face every night for the concerts but decided to keep his mouth shut and silently listen to the unfair judgements that were being handed down by the short, fat, sweaty manager.

When the waitress set the house salad in front of Nick, he wanted to cry. The scent of food that the manager ordered for himself teased his nostrils and made his mouth water.

“Dig in boy so we can go back and get some rest before the flight out tomorrow.”

The meal was a complete waste of time in Nick’s opinion. He left the restaurant feeling anything but satisfied. He laid on the bed in the room that Lou cheaply rented for the night, trying to ignore the loud, obnoxious snoring that came from the fat manager on the other side of the room in his king sized bed. After tossing and turning a few times, putting a pillow over his head to drown the noise out, a feeling kept coming back and as time passed by, the feelings got stronger, almost painful.

Grabbing his wallet from the nightstand and the room card, Nick quietly padded towards the door and into the hallway, barefoot and in search of a vending machine.

Down at the end of the hall and around a corner, Nick was rewarded with not one vending machine but four. All filled with various candies, chips and cakes. He had hit the mother load. He ate until his wallet was emptied of all of the foreign currency, feeling uncomfortably full but satisfied.

Quietly, as he slipped back into his room, Nick discovered that the manager was still sleeping. Breathing a sigh of relief, he decided that he was successful in his night time vending machine raid.

There was no way he was going to let Lou ‘the pig’ Pearlman run his life!

"Hey, you look like you lost your best friend," Kevin said with a grin as he looked down at his younger brother. Nick's only acknowledgement was a slight shurg of his shoulders, not bothering to look up.

"You've been so quiet since you and Mr. Pearlman arrived at the hotel today. Wanna talk about what's bugging you buddy?"

Nick only shook his head, not wanting to make eye contact.

Leaning against the wall, Kevin let out a deep sigh. "I was checking the facilities out the other day and they have this really cool exercise room down the hall from the pool. Why don't you go with me and work out. It'll do you some good."

Nick's head shot up, anger was evident in his expression. Glaring at his brother, Nick spat, "Why is everyone so fuckin' preoccupied with my weight? Can't you just leave me the fuck alone? I'm not a baby!"

"Nick I was just--"

"Save it," Nick interrupted as he quickly stood up.

"But I---"

"Just leave me the fuck alone, okay? I don't need any help from anyone!"

Feeling helpless, Kevin could only watch as Nick stormed off, ending any possiblity of a conversation.

Nick couldn't get away fast enough from Kevin. As much as he loved his friends, he felt that they were in some way ganging up on him and picking on every little imperfection they could find on him. The past twenty-four hours he had to spend with Lou Pearlman was bad enough. By the time they arrived in Oslo, his self esteem had reached an all time low.

He didn't care that the room he chose to hid in was a janitorial closet, he didn't care that it was pitch black. All Nick cared about was that he finally was away from anyones scrutinizing eyes.

Sitting on the floor surrounded by buckets, mops and plastic pails, Nick folded his arms and stared into the darkness. He could hear Kevin's footsteps outside the maintence closet as he passed by and Nick froze, not daring to breathe for fear that his secret place would be found.

Nick decided that this hiding place was a good one except for one minor detail; the chemicals in one of the pails started triggering his asthma. The wheezing started announcing itself slowly with each breath he took. His lungs were tightening up and the longer he was in that room with the chemcials the worse it would get.

In the darkness, Nick calmly patted his pants pockets for his Albuterol Inhaler. Calmness turned to panic when he didn't find what he was searching for and his wheezing was getting worse and the coughing was becoming more and more frequent.

Feeling his way in the darkness as he coughed, Nick knocked over boxes that were set along the walls until he finally found the door knob. His sweaty fingers slipped off the knob as he grasped and jerked at the door. Discovering it had locked behind him, Nick started to panick. With as much energy as he could muster, Nick started banging on the door. His cries for help were coughing/whispered pleas since the asthma attack had his airway in a tight grip.

Tears slipped down his cheeks as he pounded his fists on the door, thoughts of his death flashing in his brain.

Two young girls were walking the halls in search of any of the Backstreet Boys, autograph books and cameras tight in their hands. The older of the two, Meggan, held her hand up in the air and turned her head towards the noise she heard coming from down the hallway. "S-h-h-h-h!"

"What do you hear?" Bethany whispered.

"It sounds like someone coughing, I think."

"Where?"

Meggan grabbed her friend by the arm and started dragging her down toward the source of the noise. They stood for a few moments outside the janitorial closet, listening to the pounding from the inside and a whimpering cry and coughing.

"Someone's in there!"

Meggan rolled her eyes at her friend. "Well duh, ya think?"

"God, don't get snotty with me about this," Bethany snapped. "Try opening the door."

Meggan nodded and twisted the knob. "It's locked. Now what?"

"Hotel security or a janitor?"

"Yeah," cried in unison as they took off running in search of someone that could unlock the door. Meggan stopped quickly having Bethany running into her back.

"OUCH! Why did you do that?" Meggan yelped as she rubbed the back of her foot.

"Housekeeper down the hall back there. C'mon."

The girls explained what they found and the housekeeper took her keys and followed them to the closet. When they got to the door, it was quiet and the girls started to panic fearing that the person behind the door had suffocated.

"Hurry, that person was coughing hard, they probably need air."

Just as the woman placed a key into the door lock, the coughing started up again. The light from the hall shined into the storage room and the girls gasped.

"It's Nick Carter!"

Weak and his body wracked with coughing, Nick could hardly stand up and the girls quickly offered their assistance.

"Do you have a puffer?" Meggan asked as she quickly offered Nick support to help him walk out of the room.

Still coughing, Nick shook his head.

Reaching into her pocket, she pulled out her Albuterol Inhaler and placed it into Nick's hand. He grabbed it like a drowning man to his survivor and quickly placed the puffer in his mouth taking a deep inhaltion of the mist.

Bethany's eyes widened as she watched Nick with the inhaler. "How did you know he needed that?"

"We asthmatics think alike, so we know what we need," Meggan explained.

"But Nick doesn't have asthma, do you Nick?"

Handing the inhaler back to the teen, Nick gave his thanks, avoiding the topic of asthma. Noticing the autograph books in their hands, he causally asked if they had something they wanted signed.

Handing the book over, she decided she wasn’t going to let the topic drop about his asthma episode. “So you’ve got asthma, right?”

Nick coughed again lightly, “Naw, it just got really stuffy in that closet and there was some stuff in there that made me sick I guess.”

“You sure did seem to know what to do with that puffer though.”

“Yeah dumb luck I guess.” He quickly scrawled his name in both books and handed them back to the girls. “There ya go. Thanks and take care.”

As he turned and walked back towards his room, he could hear the two girls still discussing the episode that had happened. He sighed knowing that it would probably wind up in a chat room. They were right about the asthma but Nick was starting to hate imperfection that was pointed out about him and this was just another thing to add to the list of his self loathing.

His footsteps slowed when he saw Kevin Richardson standing outside his door.

“Nick, where the hell did you go off to?” His eyes narrowed as he took in Nick’s sweaty appearance.

“Away but not far enough.”

“Hey, I wasn’t picking on you about your weight and you know that. I was just trying to get you to cheer up.”

Sliding the card into the slot, Nick mentally wished that Kevin would go away.

“Okay, something happened, why are you coughing?”

Nick rolled his eyes as he grabbed his bathroom kit, searching for his inhalers. “God, Kev I’m not a baby!”

“You don’t have asthmatic episodes for no reason, were you running?”

“Drop it!” Taking a deep hit from the inhaler and holding his breath, Nick glared at his brother.

As Kevin opened his mouth, the phone rang. Nick deliberately ignored the ringing, By the third ring, Kevin became clearly irritated; rushing over snatching the receiver off the cradle.

“Yeah.”

“Nick?”

“Kevin. What do you want Brian?”

“Why are you in there? Is there a meeting I don’t know about?”

Kevin rubbed a hand across his forehead. Brian was always paranoid about being excluded how could this be his cousin, Kevin wondered. “No Brian there’s no meeting, I was just talking to the kid trying to figure out what crawled up his butt. What do you want?”

“What’s wrong with Nick?” Brian persisted.

Kevin angrily sighed into the phone. “Was there a specific reason why you called Nick?”

Switching ears, Brian nervously cleared his throat. “I, um.... you’d find this kinda funny Kev....”

“Humor me then,” Kevin spat into the phone, his voice cool and even.

“Oh yeah, now I remember. Mr. Pearlman called me and wanted me to remind you that we have sound check in an hour and we’ll be staying at the venue after the check for the show.”

Kevin groaned. “Why does he come up with these rotten ideas?”

Brian grinned. “Because he’s cheap?”

Kevin glanced at his wrist, checking the time. “Yeah, that would be his prime reason for this. So that leaves us with about ten minutes to be down for the shuttle. Wonderful.” Without offering anything more, Kevin ended the call and turned to the teen sitting on the edge of the bed. “Are you going to be up to sound check?”

“Yeah,” Nick grunted.

“I’m going back to my room to gather a few things. You might want to bring along things to occupy your time.”

Nick slapped his hand across his forehead. “We’re not coming back here?”

“Pearlman said we were staying at the venue til the concert is overwith. See you at the elevator in ten minutes.”

“What the hell was that Carter?” Johnny barked from his seat in the auditorium.

Panting, Nick stopped his motions, wishing he could disappear when he felt all eyes on him. “I messed up, sorry.”

“You’re getting more and more clumsy as the day passes by!”

“I said I was sorry.”

“Lighten up on the kid Johnny, he’s still sick and technically he should still be in bed,” Kevin defended.

“Catering is here!” AJ interrupted.

“Good I’m starving,” Brian sighed walking off the stage.

”Hold on a second!” Johnny’s voice boomed. Howie, Brian and AJ stopped quickly. “Did I call break?”

“Yeah, just now freak,” AJ grumbled.

“What did you just call me?”

AJ shook his head and started walking toward the buffet that was waiting them. “Hey Kaos, it’s pasta time!”

Approaching the table, Nick’s stomach growled and his mouth watered. “I’m really starved,” he announced as he grabbed a plate and silverwear.

“Did you save anything for the band,” Brian joked as he watched Nick sit down with his plate overloaded with spaghetti.

“Ha...ha...ha,” Nick replied as he shot an icy glare at the Kentuckian. He ate his meal in silence, never looking up from his plate, tuning out the conversation that was going on around him.

“Nick? Nicky? HEY!”

Nick jerked and looked across the table to find Kevin’s eyes locked on him.

“What?”

“Slow down, you’re shoveling your food like we’re late for something.”

Nick could feel the tears stinging his eyes. He dropped his fork onto the plate and pushed himself away from the table, the chair making a grinding noise on the wooden floor. “Wake me up when it’s time to get ready.”

All eyes watched as the blonde stormed past the table and trudged towards the green room, slamming the door shut.

“Well, guess that room is gonna be off limits for awhile,” Howie mused.

“Like hell it is,” AJ rasped.

“Leave Nick alone. He’s probably tired and needs a nap.”

AJ lowered the trademark sunglasses and peered over the tops at Kevin’s face. “God, you can’t actually be serious can you?”

Kevin’s only response was a positive nod of his head.

“Jesus Ch--”

”AJ!”

Shaking his head, AJ pulled the pack of cigarettes from his shirt pocket.

“Hey I’m still eating here,” Howie hissed.

“Can’t smoke... can’t go in the green room... what the hell is going to be next?” AJ mumbled as he stood up.

“Where are you going?”

“I feel crazy. I’m going outside without a bodyguard.”

“Are you psycho?”

AJ grinned, lighting the cigarette. “Probably, but it sure beats the hell out of sitting here and staring at a bunch of paranoid freaks.”

Kevin glared as he watched AJ walk away from them, cigarette smoke floating through the air.

Brian looked at his cousin, his eyes wide. “Aren’t you gonna stop him?”

Folding his arms across his chest, Kevin slowly shook his head.

“He’s going to go out there and get mobbed, I can feel it,” Brian whined.

“He’ll be back in five..... four.... three... two....”

”HOLY SHIT! That was some wack shit out there,” AJ panted.

“How did you know he’d be back?”

“It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that there would be girls waiting outside the door. Do you actually think that AJ would be stupid enough to go out there without his bodyguard?”

“Come on Nick, I need to use the can too,” AJ yelled, pounding on the closed door.

“Yeah in a sec, okay! Geeze.”

Tugging at the form fitting black shirt, Nick stared at his reflection in the mirror. The candy bars and late night snacks were slowly beginning to show and the clothing that once was loose had become snug to say the least. It took some manipulative moves, but he was able to button and zip the stage pants. The waistband dug into his stomach and sides, making it painfully uncomfortable to breathe or bend at the waist. Standing sideways, Nick stared at his reflection in the mirror.

Loud banging on the door, jerked Nick away from his trance. He unlocked the door and threw it open, getting a “death stare” from AJ as he pushed past, unzipping his pants as he walked into the bathroom.

Howie briefly looked up as Nick walked out of the bathroom. Frowning, he did a double take. There was something different about the teen but he couldn’t put a finger on what. Until AJ came out of the bathroom a few moments later.

“Hey Chubby, pass me my water please.”

Keeping an eye on Nick throughout the entire concert, Howie could definately see that the normally energetic teen was slow moving and his stage costumes looked like they had been taylored for Brian and Nick was wearing the wrong size.

Howie wasn’t the only one that was noticing Nick’s change in size.

“Johnny, you really haven’t done a very good job of keeping that kid in line,” Lou Pearlman noted as he watched the show from the side of the stage.

“Carter is a hard one to follow. I swear that kid is a human eating machine.”

“If you want to keep your job, you better be planning on something fast or the group’s popularity will die out if that kid balloons up anymore.”

“I’m trying the best that I can Lou, he’s just too damn hard to manage,” Johnny defended.

“Well then maybe management isn’t something you should be doing then.”

“I’ll work on it, I swear,” Johnny muttered, glaring at the teen dancing on the stage.

Lou clamped a hand on the tall manager’s shoulder. “You better, your job actually depends on it, boy.”

"Hi Kiddo!" Brian said, as he walked inside the door to Nick's hotel room. He had knocked several times but after getting no response he had taken the matter into his own hands and walked inside. They had a show earlier in the evening and it was past midnight. Brian's first thought was that Nick was alseep since it was dark in the hotel room, only the light from the tv flickering across the carpet.

Nick was sitting on the floor crossed legged, giving him no attention. Normally he and Nick often shared a room, but this time Nick had made it clear he wanted a room of his own. This had puzzled Brian since his friend rarely wanted to be alone. He even wanted someone to accompany him when they were at an resturant and he had to use the restroom. This was something that the rest of them made fun of, but Nick always laughed saying that he couldn´t help that he was so sociable.

Sociable was not something that one could accuse Nick for being these days. He was usually gloomy and sullen and kept to himself. Not at all the cheerful prankster that they all knew and had grown to love. Instead he had gotten more clumsy and moody. He also had a bad temper, even worse than before. When Brian had mentioned this to Kevin, his cousin had shrugged saying that Nick was in late puberty and just a moody teen. Brian didn´t buy this. Instead he was set to find out what was troubling his friend.

Nick had been silent ever since coming back from his "unfortunate" stay with Lou. And when he talked he seemed to become angry all the time. Pissed at everyone. He knew that management often bugged Nick about his weight and he didn´t think it had bothered him until he found him having these awful eating binges. But Brian thought it was just the stubborn Nick shining through and that it was just an act from his friend's side to show management that they couldn´t control him. To Brian it was strange behavior, but with Nick one never knew he often did so many strange things without meaning anything from it. Deep inside he was grateful that Nick seemed to be over those eating binges since he didn´t know how to handle the teen when he was in one of those moods. How someone could make themselves sick was beyond his understanding.

"Do you mind if I come in?" Brian asked softly as he walked inside, not waiting for permission. He sat down on the soft bed.

"Yes!" The teen made no attempt to acknowledge his friend's presence and instead stared into the tv screen, blipping away on the controller as he scored points. Every so often the back of his hand went up to his nose, wiping it like he had attracted a cold.

Brian frowned. The last thing they needed was Nick to get sick. Looking at his friend he was saw that he was very tired and a bit pale. But then they all looked like that. Tired and worn. The flu bug had graced the camp and even if everybody infected was getting better it still had wiped them out. This combined with being on the road for a month was making them all long for a break. The schedule was busy, on the verge of being inhumane and even if Brian enjoyed this way of life he sometimes wished he was having peace and quiet. He was also homesick and wanted to get back home to be with Leighanne.

He knew that he wasn´t the only one suffering from homesickness. Howie had also caught that bug, being mommas boy. Brian smiled briefly as he thought about the endless hours that Sweet D' was spending talking on the phone with his family. He knew that being mommas boy was something that was labeled on him too. And there were rumors out there that his mom cut his meat for him. Okay, he could agree that at some point he was a bit overprotected, but he didn´t blame his mother, after all he had been on the verge of dying when he was young with his heart condition. But to say that he was a mommas boy was a bit far fetched.

But if he was homesick it was nothing compared to the battles that he knew Nick was going through. This could be part of Nick´s unusual behavoir. Even if Manda wasn´t one of Brians favorites he still was happy that Nick finally got to call her and they spent every free time talking to each other. He knew that Nick had got it hard, he was in over his head in love with this girl and was counting the days when they would be together.

"What are you playing?" Brian asked, nodding with his head towards the screen. He knew perfectly well that it was a combat game but he had to come up with something to say.

Nick shrugged, still not saying anything; engrossed in the tv game.

This made Brian feel uncomfortable. There had been silence much too long and he felt the need to make conversation. After all this was the reason why he had visited Nick. To tell the truth he was totally exhausted after their concert in Oslo. They were heading to Stockholm tomorrow for 2 concerts as well as the MTV European awards and they would both present as well as preform there. It was a bit nervous in the backstreet camp as it the biggest audience that they had ever played in front of, if you counted that the show was aired all over Europe.

He needed his beauty sleep and so did Nick since they would leave early in the morning, yet when he was going to go to bed he had a gnawing feeling that something was wrong with his young friend. Nick had lacked something during the whole show and he thought that it looked like he was uncomfortable too. Seeing that Nick constantly wiped his nose and cleared his throat made him think that the flu was finally hitting it´s target. Their little brother would be it´s latest victim. Looking at Nick's pale shape the bad gut feeling made him feel even more concerned than before.

Nick seemed troubled and sad.

When the blonde had been sniffling way too long the older man stood up, walking over to the bathroom with a sigh. Nick looked up briefly, but turned his head when his eyes met Brian. The Kentuckian couldn´t help but smile. Frack had to be one of the most stubborn people there was. Too stubborn for his own good. When Nick Carter was set for something not even an earthquake could move him. His smile faded when he walked into the bathroom. There was stuff scattered all over the counter and wash basin and Brian guessed that Nick would be in a hurry next morning since he was a late sleeper and packing wasn´t one of his highest priorities.

On the wash basin was a box of tissues and as Brian was about to pick a couple of them out of the box, he managed to push the box down on the floor. "Ahhh," he groaned as he bent down to pick them up, and his eyes accidently fell upon the the trashcan on the side of the toilet bowl. Generally he wouldn´t have paid it much attention but the yellow Raider wrapper was shining like a neon sign in the black trashcan. Looking down he saw that there were all kinds of candy wrappers and other packages. His first intuition was to call out to Nick and ask him why he was eating candy like an possesed. Then he remembered the previous binge eating and he froze. What if Nick was still doing this? He had said that he was over it, but by the look of it that was an lie.

Why else would the trashcan be filled with candy wrappers?

Pushing the bad feelings aside he went back to his friend who was still engrossed in the tv game. " Here you go," he said handing Nick the tissues. The blonde looked up briefly before accepting them and making good use of them. " Thanks."

" That sounds bad," Brian raised an eyebrow, " You´re getting a cold?" He sat down on the bed again.

" Maybe."

" You should get something for that." Brian stated. He knew it was a lame topic bit he was making no progress in getting Nick to speak. It was clear that he was pretty unwanted. Why he had no idea. Usually Nick was very open and spilled it all to him, today and ever since they went on the tour he was getting more and more silent. Like he was hiding his feelings.

Nick shrugged.

Brian sighed heavily. He was starting to get tired and this was leading nowhere. " The crowed was really wild tonight. Don´t you think?" He tried to change the subject away from Nick, not that he expected any result.

" Guess so." The tvgame was beeping away.

" Even Lou thought we outnumbered ourself tonight. The norwegian loved us." It was a white lie since he had overheard Lou being a bit upset over that Nick was acting lika a big clutz that showed no emotions what so ever on stage. This couldn´t be more wrong, even if Nick had acted a bit off tonight.

" Good."

" The rest of the guys went to a club." Brian knew that it was not any important information, but he wanted an reaction from Nick. " J heard of a club and they decided to check that one out." The reaction came. Nick looked up. " So why didn´t you go then?" he asked slowly.

Surprised over getting a response he answered a bit stuttering, " Eh..I..I..eh..I thought I would go to bed instead."

" Then why don´t you?" Nicks voice was cold, and Brian jerked back. What was the matter with his friend?

" Beacuse I thought that I would spend some time with you instead."

" Mhmmm.." Nick didn´t sound too excited.

Brian felt trapped. He was loosing ground and he had to come up with an strategy fast or he could just as well go back to bed. Thinking hard he tried to find the key tyhat would unlock Nick. What would perk his brother up? It hit him like a vision from the past.

Chilling out, ordering a pizza and renting a movie. It didn´t take much to cheer his friend up.

There were just one problem. Eating after midnight didn´t settle very well with Brian and he usually was too beat and wanted to go to bed. His counsious told him that this could have something to do with his heart disorder that he would go in to surgery for within a couple of months. It was making him more tired than usual. Thinking that he could make an exception he picked up the phone on the bedstand, pressing a nine to the reception.

This action caught Nick´s attention. " Who are you calling this late?" he asked sniffling, wiping his nose with the tissue. The controller was momentarily set aside.

" Yes I can wait," Brian said as he made conversation with the reception clerk. Holding a hand over the lure he answered, " The reception. You wan´t pepparoni or mushrooms, or both?"

" Pepperoni? What?" Nick looked lost.

" On your Pizza I mean." Brian was acting casual like this was something he did every night. Ordering a night snack. Nick however was stunned.

" You´re calling for a pizza? You Brian Littrell?" There were no misstake that he was as chocked as could be.

" Yes!" Brian felt a bit impatinet. Nick was acting like he never did something like this. Like he always was mr goody two shoes, which couldn´t be more wrong. Ok Brian was no party animal, but he liked to go clubbing occassionally and he didn´t say no to a drink either.

" B'rok it´s after midnight." His voice grew a bit hoarse, on purpose, " Midnight..you know ghost hour!"

" So?"

" Brian you NEVER eat pizza this late!" Nick was shouting the words. " I DO! But never YOU!"

" Well," he shrugged a bit uncomfortable, " I can change my mind can't I? Besides I am getting hungry and.." He turned his attention towards the lure again as the womans voice came on, " Yes this is room 656 , I would like to order two pizza, pepparoni." He looked towards Nick who was shaking his head. Furiously.

" What?" Brian frowned, " Hold on a moment," he told the reception clerk as he once again covered the lure. " Don´t you want Pepparoni?"

" No," Nick shook his head, " Just make that one."

" One?" Brian was not following his friend. This was not like the Nick he knew. The Nick that would never turn down his favorite dish; Pizza. Unless there were something wrong...Brians thoughts drifted away.

" I don´t want any," Nick explained shortly before turning back to the tvgame again, already loosing interest for the situation.

. Brian was chocked. His mouth fell open and he had to gather himself beacuse the woman on the other line called out for him to answer. " Uh,eh..I´m sorry." Brian jerked as he turned back his attention to the lure, " I´ve changed my mind," he said slowly, still not melting that Nick was turning down this offer. " No no there is no problem. I am sorry that I bothered you." Brian felt embarressed over having to call off an order like this. " Yes no problem. Bye." He hung up, turning to Nick, " What was all that about?"

" I told you I´m not hungry!"

" Not hungry? You?" Brian rose his voice a level too high. " What is wrong? You eat like everything, everywhere and everytime!" Then it hit him. Nick had already eaten himself full of candy. Narrowing his eyes to the teen he continued, " You didn´t happend to stuff yourself full of candy did you? Even if Johnny told you go on a diet!" Suspecion was evidence in his voice. Upon watching how Nicks eyes darkened he regretted the words that he so rudely had spat out. It wasn´t his meaning to do so.

Ignoring the last sentence Nick sneered, " Well I still don´t want any." He was hurt.

" Man, Kaos I didn´t mean too," Brian got interupted.

" I´m going to the bed." With that Nick turned off the videogame, raising slowly from the floor like his back was still giving him problems. At that moment he looked as far away from the eighteen year old that he was. He was like a hurt little kid.

" I´m sorry." Brian whispered, walking over to his friend," I didn´t mean to say that."

" But you still did." Nicks voice was low, like it hurt too much to speak. Stopping infront of the small bathroom he said loud and clear, looking Brian straight in his eyes, " And NO I have NOT been eating any candy tonight."

" But..but I saw in the trashcan.." Brian felt a bit confused. He knew that he shouldn´t press on but the eating binge that he had seen Nick indulge himself in several times had him concerned.

" The candywrappers that you saw were beacuse I had cleaned out my backpack! I had so much junk in there." He sounded hurt as he uttered the last words slowly, " I didn´t think you of all people would nag me about my weight." With that he closed the door.

Brian could have hit himself in his head. Here he had come down to talk to Frack beacuse he was concerned and it turned down that he was making it all worse by saying the wrong things. How stupid could someone be? He felt himself getting close to tears.

He had let Nick down.

'Ok where is the kid?' Johnny thought irritated, standing at the reception desk, prepared to settle up the hotel bill.

'The kid' was getting on his nerves, not only was he late, he also had made a long expensive overseas call, no doubt to his girlfriend. High telephone bills together with ordering in late snacks from the kitchen was something that Johnny needed to talk to Nick about. This was starting to become a bad habit and had to be stopped before the kid started getting fat. Lou's words the other day burned in his mind. It was his responsibility to keep all the boys in shape. How things were turning out, especially with their youngest member was not good. Nick was not taking care of himself that well and he was constantly suffering from one ailement after another. But the teen was not all that concerned him this morning, both AJ and Howie had come back drunk from going clubbing and they had another busy schedule to tend too. Dealing with two hungover boys was not something that he had opted for in his job description.

Glancing at the watch he saw that they were already late and they had to get through the airport or they would miss their flight to Stockholm and the Mtv awards. They also had to go to be at Grand Hotel for a pre-award lunch as well as rehearsal for tonights performance. Johnny groaned. This life was giving him an ulcer. "Anyone seen Nick?" he asked with a sigh. A bit puzzled the rest of the group looked back at him. They had all been so pre-occupied with taking down the luggage that they hadn´t noticed that the youngest member was missing.

"Probably jerking off," AJ muttered quietly, leaning his aching head back on the headrest of the soft leather coach. He was batteling a mother of a hangover and was not in any shape or form to get on a plane. At least not this early. 6:30 am! The fact that he had only gotten about two hours sleep didn´t make him feel any better. His hand went up to his temples rubbing them furiously.

"Bone!" Kevin corrected his language like he had done so many times before. Not that Kev really cared about AJ´s potty mouth. At least not when they were out of the public eye. But when it came to them being in the limelight it was another question. They were a boyband, had lots of young fans, and therefore had to comply with standards and high morals. At least when any press was present. It was important to keep a clean facade and they were constantly drilled what to say and how to act. That was just the way it was. It was the music industry. And if they wanted to be a part of it they had to play the game.

"What? I'm just stating facts. You asked where Kaos was and I answered." The skinny man seemed a bit annoyed.

"He is probably still asleep," Howie informed them all. Being as perky as always.

"Duh genius like we didn´t know that." AJ sneered towards his friend, sitting next to him on his right. Life wasn´t fair. Howie had partied just as hard as him, still he looked like a bouquet of freshly picked daisies while he on the other hand, looked and felt like utter crap.

"You don´t have to bite Howie's head off like that," Kevin defended his friend. "AJ if you can´t handle liquor maybe you should quit drinking."

"Who says that I can´t handle booze?" AJ snarled. He didn´t like it when Kevin butted into his life like that.

"I do, look at you." Kevin waved with an disgusted hand towards the skinny man. "You look you have drank up a whole liquor store."

"Not so far from the truth," Tommy, one of the band members added with a grin. There was a short laugh in the crowd from all but Kevin and Brian who glared back at him angrily.

"Well it´s my descision if I wanna party or not." AJ felt irritated. Why were they on his case? "So get the hell out of my hair!" And the fight was at it again. Kevin telling AJ that he was acting like a five year old and AJ telling the older man that he was nothing but a jerk that wanted to be a teen. Surprisngly it was Lou that broke the bad tension that hung in the air.

"Well we have to get Carter down. And since you McLean want to be such a smartass you might as well get the honor to wake pretty boy up," sarcasm evident in his voice.

"Fuck, why do I have to do it?" AJ complained. He rubbed his temples, "I don´t feel good."

"That you should have thought of when you drowned that last tequila shot," Kevin argued. AJ shot him an evil eye.

"Stop it!" Brian said standing up like the good boy he was, "I´ll do it. I'll go and wake Frack up." He started to move towards the elevator when he was instantly called back by Lou.

"Littrell you get back here." His voice was hard, "I told McLean to do this so that is his job."

Brian sighed. Even if he didn´t like Mr. Pearlman very much he was reluctant to obey his managers orders and walked back towards his chair again. The fact that he was also a bit annoyed over that Nick always slept in late, stalling the rest of them also supported that he didn´t press on any further on the subject. Nick was a big boy and he had to start acting more mature. Brian couldn´t be on his case all the time.

"Aww fuck why do I have to be the one that wakes up fatty?" AJ groaned, feeling miserable.

This time it was Brian that objected to AJ´s words of choice," Bone don´t call him that. You have no idea how words like that hurt Nick." His own thoughts traveled back to last night when he had pressed Nick about his weight. He wished that those words could have been left unsaid.

"Chill man, like you never say anything like that."

Brian opened his mouth to give back a respond when Lou interrupted him with a grin that didn´t reach his eyes, "Okay McLean you have exactly ten minutes to get that boy's ass downstairs. If you don´t get him here you two are getting your asses down to the airport by yourself." There was a threat in his tone of voice, and AJ knew that when Lou was in one of these moods he was being serious. "So I suggest that you start moving."

AJ sighed heavily. He looked towards Johnny for support but the black man shook his head. This was not something he was getting in between. The famous Johnny Wright had respect for Mr. Pearlman and even if he sometimes thought that Lou's descision was fucked up he knew better than to object. Mr. Pearlman was wealthy, but what more he had friends high up and Johnny knew that his days in the music business could be numbered if Lou decided to kick him out.

Bone knew when he was being deafeated. "Okay...Okay what room number does he have then?" After getting the information he needed he loomed with his tail between his legs, feeling just as miserable. It wasn´t just the fact that he had to wake his little brother up that ticked him off, no it was more that Nick was still fast asleep and they often had to wait up for him. Instead the way he felt HE should have been the one burrowed under the covers.

Once he reached Nick's floor, he walked towards the door, noticing that it was really silent in the hallway. 'I'll bet we are the only ones up on a Saturday morning,' he thought feeling sorry for himself as he put the keycard in the slot. The door opened and he was met with a dark room. Nick fast asleep.

"Kaos!" he called out as he walked and pushed the drapes aside so the morning light could come into the room. It was a gloomy morning in the end of March and the rain was whipping against the window. Not a good day to go on a flight. Looking over at the bundle on the bed he saw Nick snoring softly, mouth open like he had difficulty breathing through his nose. A pile of used up tissues on the bedstand showed that a cold virus had attacked his little brother and for a short brief moment he didn´t want to wake his friend up. He looked unnaturally flushed and could use all the sleep that was needed.

Just as he thought about going down to tell to them that they could fuck this, Lou's voice pondered in his head in the same speed as the sledge hammer inside. "Go get Nick or you will get to the airport by your own ass!" This served enough to get into action. "Nicky wake up," he called out shaking his friend's shoulder lightly.

There was no movement. Not even a stir.

Knowing that sometimes almost nothing would get the kid to wake up he shook his shoulder a bit harder, "Nick get up!"

A slight stir. But still no movement that could remsemble waking up. The older man grew impatient. " NICK GET UP!" Finally it gave the wanted result. Nick moved slightly, just to pull the covers further up over his head so just his blonde hair was sticking up on the pillow.

With a sigh AJ concluded that either Nick was sleeping too hard or not giving a damn about getting up. He opted for the latter. Knowing that they were already late he had to take drastic measures. Dealing with a pissed Lou was not something that he felt up to, especially not while batteling a headache the size of Texas and the nasusea that accompanied a bad hangover. 'Shit, why didn´t he listen to Kevin? Why did he have to be so stubborn? He shouldn´t have drunk that last shot!' It was easy to be wise afterwards, yet he hoped that he next time would stop before he was feeling this miserable. After all they had a very big awards show in the evening and he had to be fit for fight then. The only good part with his hangover was that it never lasted that long. Not like Nicky's that would last for days!

Making one last attempt to wake his buddy up, AJ shook his shoulder, "Nick wake up. We have to go now. The plane will leave NOW!"

"Leave me alone," the teen slurred still not fully awake, pressing his face towards his pillow.

'Ok that is it!' AJ thought irritated. He had no patience dealing with a stubborn "kid". With that he walked briskly into the bathroom, picking up the tooth brush glass, filling it with COLD water almost to the brim. Then he walked back to the bed where Nick was hugging the covers like it was his most precious thing in the world. Still asleep.

"Okay Kaos, I´ll count to three and if you´re not up by then I will pour this glass over you." he said calmly.

"Fuck off," Nick mumbled, half asleep.

Sighing, AJ felt forced to go through with his threat. Ripping the covers off Nick's body he said firmly, "On three I am pouring this water over you." He held his glass up threatingly, "So what's it going to be?"

The threat gave effect as Nick opened his sleepy eyes, "You wouldn´t dare."

"I wouldn´t?" Something evil gleemed in the olders man's eyes. "Don´t temp me."

"Fuck you!" Still not fully awake, not believing that AJ would do such an evil task, he fumbled to get the cover over his shivering body. His face was flushed, both from sleep but also from something else. He had closed his eyes again and for a moment AJ felt a pang of guilt for acting so forceful towards his friend, but Lou had demanded actions to be taken.

"Ok Kaos, don´t say that I didn´t warn you.One..two..three" With that he slowly let the water pour over his friend's face.

"Wh..what the..fu..fuck!" Nick yelled as he sputtered water and was becoming painfully aware of ice cold substance hitting his face. His eyes shot up. "Why did you have to do that?" There was hurt in his friend's voice.

AJ felt like a dork, yet he grinned at the confused and pissed look the teen had upon his face.

"Fuck AJ, you poured water into MY face?" Nick was slowly taking in the situation and he was fuming now. His face as well as the bed was wet from water and Nick was not a happy guy.

"Yeah I told you to get up, didn´t I?" AJ laughed, jumping aside as the pillow came flying towards him. "Good morning to you too."

"Why did you have to do that?" Nick asked when he had a calmed down, a hurt expression on his face. He pulled his hand through his wet hair and he was shivering constantly. The day couldn´t start any worse.

"Because you didn´t get up when I told you so and we have to leave for the aiport in like five, or you will be left alone here in Oslo." AJ narrowed his eyes, "But maybe that's what you want."

Upon hearing the words left alone Nick stiffened. If there was one thing he didn´t like it was being alone. "No."

"Good put these on." AJ threw a pair of jeans and a tee in Nick's direction. The teen stood up, making no attempt to put on the clothes that had been tossed to him.

"Where are you going?" AJ asked as he saw Nick padding barefoot towards the facilites.

"I have to go to the bathroom," he mumbled, looking like a drenched cat.

"No you don´t." AJ said firmly. Jeeze he had to be a father for this kid! "No time. You can go at the airport. Put on these clothes or I´m kicking your ass."

Finally Nick seemed to understand what AJ was saying and he reluctantly sat down on the bed again, holding his clothes in his arms. Wiping off the excess of water on his body with the sheet, he grabbed with the other hand a tissue, blowing his nose loudly. AJ made a face of disgust. If there were one thing that grossed him out it was when other people blew their noses, heck he didn´t even like to blow his own nose. Puke, blood and even shit didn´t bother him, while snot and phlegm sent him hugging the toilet bowl in no time. This was something that Nick had used several times and when he really wanted to gross AJ out he played nasty with those body substances. AJ gagged at the memory.

Nick looked up, a smile toying in his lips like he knew what his older friend was thinking about. AJ interrupted his thoughts, "Don´t you even think of that." Nick's smile faded. "Hurry up and get dressed, meanwhile I'll try to gather all this stuff up and pack your suitcases." He started to toss some clothes down into the suitcase on the floor.

"Okay." Still Nick didn´t make a move.

"Jeeze Kaos how do you manage to make such a mess in a room," AJ muttered as he gathered Nick's belongings. He knew that he was not the one that should talk. In fact AJ was known for being the messiest in the group when it came to hotel rooms. Coming out of the bathroom, holding Nick's stuff in his arms he noticed that the blonde sat in the same position as when he had left him, "Why aren't you dressed?"

"I can´t wear this," Nick whined holding up his black jeans.

"Why? What is wrong with them?" He grinned briefly, "I really don´t think it´s time to ask for fashion advice. Don´t yell at me for listening to D!" D' might be a great guy, his best friend, but when it came to clothes he sucked. At least according to AJ´s tastes.

Nick fidgeted nervously, "They..they are..eh.."

Getting impatient, trying to translate Nick's stuttering AJ muttered, "Okay spill it. What's wrong with thpse?" While awaiting for the teen's answer he threw in yet another t-shirt into the suitcase. How anyone could travel around the world with just one suitcase, a sportsbag and a backpack was beyong his imagination. He himself, who was an shop-aholic had always at least three suitcases with him. Howie was just as bad.

"They're....too small," Nick mumbled, feeling miserable. His hair hung heavy on his head, still soaking wet from the water that AJ had poured over him.

"Too small?" AJ grinned, "Well if you skipped eating pizza in the middle of the night, you wouldn´t get so fat." The words were meant like a joke, but he could see that it hurt his friend, more than they were intended to do. Nick's eyes went dark.

"Fuck you," he spat.

"Eh..Kaos, listen. We don´t have time to get you anything else to wear." He tried to be as gentle as possible especially when they were running late and would soon have an angry Lou banging on the door, asking where the hell they were. "Look just get those jeans on and this," he threw Nick's grey hooded sweatshirt jacket. "We have to go now." There was no time for further appologies and he also knew that Nick never was pissed for a very long period of time.

That was one thing that was cool with Nick,' AJ thought, 'People could say stuff to him, he would either blow up or sometimes just shrug it off with a laugh like it never bothered him. He could never stay mad for long.' His thoughts were confirmed that nothing ever hurt Nick when he saw how the teen was putting on his jeans like those words had never been uttered. From the corner of his eye he saw that Nick had trouble buttoning his jeans and AJ was on the verge to say some smartass remark when he stopped himself. "Hurry up you fa..." Nick didn´t need anymore shit from him, not now. He loved his little brother and like brothers Nick needed to screw up sometimes, he needed to know his place. But what AJ often thought was uncalled for was the way Johnny, and especially Lou treated Nick sometimes. The rude comments, the laughs behind his back. AJ had heard them one too many times about Nick, and he was stunned that the kid didn´t lack more self confidence than he did.

"Let´s go. I´m ready." Nick stated as he picked up his backpack, slinging it over his arm. He walked out of the room in a hurry, leaving AJ with the suitcase and sportsbag.

When it dawned on AJ that Nick had left him with all this he got mad, "Fuck Kaos. This is YOUR stuff. I ain´t carrying YOUR stuff!"

Nick who was already on his way towards the elevators pretended like he didn´t hear what AJ was yelling to him about.

"NICK!" AJ yelled as he hoisted the big suitcase after him, as fast as he could. "I´m no fucking bellboy." ' Fuck,'¨AJ felt irritated. He couldn´t leave the suitcases because then Lou would chew his ass and they were already late and Nick showed no sign of stopping either.

'Serves him right for waking me up so rudely,' Nick thought with a smile as he pressed the elevator button, hearing AJ cussing in the hall.

The short flight seemed to take forever, in Nick’s opinion and he couldn’t wait to get to the hotel room and peel off the restrictive jeans. His plans were quickly aborted when Johnny stood between the elevators and the group.

“I want everyone’s full, undivided attention,” Johnny barked as he unfolded a slip of paper.

Nick let out a groan and was quickly elbowed in the side from Kevin.

“Tonight is the Mtv European Awards and this is a live feed meaning absolutely no screw ups. With that in mind, we will have to be ready to leave the hotel before 4 o’clock.” Johnny looked up briefly from his paper; eyeing Nick. “No exceptions.”

As Nick shifted his backpack onto the opposite shoulder, he heard AJ yelp. “Watch what you’re doing!”

“It’s 11:30 right now, so being the generous soul that I am, I’ll allow you ladies to get some rest but then I expect everyone to be back down in this lobby outside these elevators promptly at 1 o’clock.”

“One?” Nick grumbled.

“Yes one.”

“But that doesn’t leave much time to rest.”

“That’s not my problem now, is it?”

Nick lowered his eyes to the floor. He was exhausted and the cold he was coming down with didn’t help matters much. As they entered the elevators, Nick started on his famous sneezing jags.

“Oh for the love of god,” AJ mumbled. “Five... six... seven....eight. Done Kaos?”

Nick sneezed one more time for good measure. “Yed.”

“Just keep your cooties to yourself, I’ve already been sick once this month,” AJ growled.

To get back at AJ, Nick cleared his nose without the benefit of a tissue, drawing the snot back up, making a loud snorting noise. He was successful in his mission when AJ appeared to gag. Nick grinned victoriously.

“Okay, you’re free to go up to your rooms. Just be back here at one,” Johnny directed as he punched the button to the elevator.

”Just be back here at one,” Nick repeated in a mocking tone as the elevator doors closed.

The ride up to the nineth floor was in silence, only Nick’s sniffles breaking in every now and then.

“You better take something for that when you get up to the room,” Howie advised. Nick nodded slightly in reply. Howie set his bag on the elevator floor and started rummaging through the contents until he pulled out a small plastic bottle. “Here, take two and then keep up every four hours,” he commented as he thrusted the bottle towards the boy; pills hitting the inside of the container.

“Christ D, what are you giving the boy?” AJ sputtered.

“Just some sea kelp tablets, it’s a natural cold preventative.”

“SEA KELP?!” Nick screeched, throwing the bottle back to Howie. No way in hell am I gonna put something like that in my mouth!”

“You know you don’t have time to be sick, why don’t you at least give it a try,” Howie urged.

Nick waved him off. “I’m fine, I just was stuffed up.”

Mercifully, the elevator finally stopped, letting the men off. Walking down towards his room, Nick got the funny feeling that someone was following him. As he slid the card in the slot, he could literally feel hot breath on the back of his neck. Jerking around as he opened the door, he saw AJ McLean standing behind him.

“Oh no you’re not, go bunk with D!”

AJ pushed his young brother aside, walking into the room. “You think I’m happy about this arrangement?”

Nick followed AJ in and groaned when the tattooed man threw his bag on the floor and dove onto the queen sized bed, scooping up the television remote in one fluent motion.

Glaring, Nick didn’t move from his spot. “Leave.”

AJ snapped the wad of gum in his mouth, clicking on the tv, ignorning Nick.

“I said leave!”

“Make me,” AJ replied cooly, not taking his eyes off the screen.

Nick threw his bag on the floor. “This isn’t fair! Why did they have us bunk together?”

“You think I’m happy with this?”

“Well I’m definately not happy about it.”

“Why wouldn’t you want to be with me? I’m a fun guy.”

“You smoke,” Nick pointed out.

“And you fart and burp and snore really loud.”

“So do you.”

“Mine are skilled and mature, yours just suck.”

Nick rolled his eyes. “How can farts be more skilled?”

“You’re a method farter, I only fart by accident. Gentlemen don’t fart intentionally.”

“Okay, this is getting stupid. I’m calling Johnny and I’m getting you out of my room!”

AJ raised up on one elbow. “Why do you think this is your room? This might be my room and you’re invading my space.”

Nick opened his mouth to reply but he only grew flustered when he realized that this was going to be a losing battle. When he bent over to retrieve his backback, he remembered his need to get out of the uncomfortable jeans he had been forced to wear.

AJ cocked his head to one side and watched Nick with curosity. “How come your face is so red?”

Grabbing the sweatpants from the bag, Nick stormed off towards the bathroom, slamming the door behind him.

Nick flipped off the closed door, gritting his teeth. “I’ll be taking to Johnny later asshole!”

Feeling satisfied that he had won the small battle between Nick and himself, AJ propped two pillows behind his head and settled back into the bed, drifting off to sleep.

Opening the door, Nick was more calmer but finally realized that AJ had taken the best bed in the room. He was left with a sleep couch that was situated underneath the window. The couch looked like it was only 5 1/2 feet long, way too short for his 6 foot 2 inch frame.

“Oh just peachy,” Nick mumbled. A smiled crossed his lips as he looked down at AJ’s face. He was in a deep sleep, his mouth wide open, snoring.

“Payback time Bone,” Nick whispered as he backed up toward the head of the bed. “How’s this for a method fart?”

AJ didn’t wake up, but smacked his lips, rolling over onto his side.

Nick couldn’t keep his composure and busted out laughing. AJ jerked awake.

“What the hell smells in here? It smells like sulfer. Did you light a match?”

Nick made the best angelic face he could muster while giggling. “Don’t know what you’re talking about Bone, you must be dreaming.”

“So glad you two could join us,” Johnny muttered as he glanced at the watch on his wrist.

“We’re only five minutes late,” AJ defended.

“If you can recall, I said promptly at one.”

Grabbing a plate from the buffet table, AJ scooped a helping of mashed potatoes out. “Whatever.”

Nick stood at the edge of the buffet, his mouth watering at the sight of the delicasies that were offered. Every dish had to be his favorite and he was already having a hard time deciding what to have. Grabbing the serving spoon, he scooped up a generous portion of meatballs in BBQ sauce onto the plate.

As he reached for a chicken leg, he glanced over his shoulder and spotted Lou Pearlman coming up towards the buffet table. He quickly dropped the chicken and started brushing some of the meatballs from his plate.

“No.. no Nick, eat up, it’s okay that’s what the buffet is here for,” Lou said in a soft voice as he clamped a hand on the boy’s shoulder.

Nick eyed the manager suspiciously.

“Come on, I know you’d like those meatballs, hell, you’d like everything that’s here. Eat up, a growing boy like you needs the energy.”

“B-but what about what you said in Amsterdam?” Nick stammered quietly.

Lou laughed softly. “The salads? Oh, I have had a change of heart. Go on, eat what you want.” Lou patted his own paunch as if for emphasis. “Unlike me, you’re young so you can get away with buffets.”

Shrugging his shoulders, Nick at first wondered about the manager’s sincerity. With his back to the tables, he didn’t see the glare that Johnny was throwing towards Lou when he caught the older man’s words.

Like a dying man on death row, Nick went down the buffet line, stacking food onto his plate until there wasn’t anymore room. Grabbing a hard roll he stuck it in his mouth so he could grab some tableware before he sauntered back to the round table where the rest of his bandmates sat.

Brian eyed Nick and then his overloaded plate. “Nice manners.”

Taking a bite from the roll, Nick spoke, spraying crumbs on his shirt. “Thanks.”

A confused AJ looked at the quantity of food on Nick’s plate. He was about to remind him about the jeans that didn’t fit when Nick caught his gaze.

“Lou said I could have this.”

AJ shook his head and focused his attention on his own plate, trying to ignore the spectical that Nick was making of himself.

Johnny’s face was flushed with anger as he caught the teen walking back from the buffet table with a plate piled high with food. He leaned close to his associate. “I thought you said he needed to watch his intake!”

“I told you I was taking this matter into my own hands,” Lou replied calmly as he glanced over at the young boy.

Johnny glared, pointing an accusatory finger towards the table. “By this? You’re letting him load up?”

“It won’t last long,” Lou smugly replied.

Johnny shook his head negatively. “You really don’t know that kid at all, do you?”

Lou pushed the peas around on his plate. “I’m taking care of this not you. You let the kid get to this obvious state where he has to have costume alterations, now let me play this out. Believe me, I know what I’m doing.”

Kevin called out to Nick when he watched the blonde push himself away fromt he table and trudge back towards the buffet table. “Nick, you’re gonna make yourself sick. Slow down.”

Johnny threw his napkin down on the table, pushing his chair back. “I can’t sit here and watch this any longer. I’m going back to my room!”

Lou grinned as he fingered the small bottle he had placed in his suit coat pocket. He watched as Nick came back and started eating the second helping of food he gave himself.

By the time he was done, the other band members had already left for their rooms, leaving Nick alone at the table and Lou Pearlman at the other table, grinning when their eyes met.

Grunting as he pushed himself away from the table, Pearlman grabbed a clean glass that was sitting in front of him. Walking over to Nick’s table he sat the glass down and plunked his large frame on the chair next to him.

“I couldn’t help but notice that you seem to be starting to come down with that nasty virus that’s been going around in the group,” Lou started out.

Rubbing a finger underneath his nose, Nick sniffled. “Yeah I guess so.”

Pulling an unmarked bottle out of his pocket, Lou unscrewed the cap and started slowly pouring the light green contents into the glass. No words were spoken by Nick as he watched the thick liquid fill the glass.

“This is my grandmother’s cure for keeping the flu bug away. It’s a secret that’s been in my family for generations.”

Nick looked at the glass and raised an eyebrow. “It is?”

“That is it,” Pearlman assured and shoved the glass toward the younger man. “I want you to drink this up, it will keep you well.”

Picking up the glass, Nick sniffed the contents. “What’s it called?”

“We just call it Health Drink.”

“Health Drink?” Nick repeated.

“Yup, bottoms up. It’s better if you drink it fast.”

Staring at the light green liquid, Nick was unsure if he wanted to drink it but then thoughts of how sick the guys were with the flu changed his mind. Closing his eyes, he lifted the glass to his lips and quickly swallowed the contents. “Hey, this tastes kinda minty.”

“Yes it does. Mint soothes the stomach. You like it?”

Wiping the light green flim from his upper lip, Nick nodded innocently.

Lou pulled an unlabeled dark bottle from his pocket. “Okay, I want you to drink a glass this size every other day until I tell you to stop. This way you won’t get the flu. Your body will flush the bugs right out and keep them away.”

Nick took the bottle hesitantly. Turning it over he noticed it was stripped of any label that once had been on the bottle.

“It’s an old bottle, that’s why there’s no label,” Lou quickly offered. “Now remember, only every other day.”

Nick nodded his understanding.

“Okay, well, we better head back to your room. I’ve arranged for the tailor to visit you for stage clothes adjustments.”

Nick quickly stared down at the table, his face flushed with embarrassment.

“Now there’s nothing to be embarrasssed about son, you’re just going through changes, nothing to worry about. It happens to the best of us. I’ll see you tonight Nick. Good luck.”

“This is the first time I’ve ever known them to have someone adjust anyone’s clothes,” AJ remarked as he thumbed through a magazine.

“This is why I wanted to have a room to myself!” Nick snapped, tossing clothes out of his bag onto the bed.

“You’ve got it all wrong there Nick, I’m here because they didn’t want you to be alone.”

Upon hearing those words, Nick froze up.

“Johnny knows what you’ve been up to lately and he is making sure you are kept under control.”

Nick shook his head in disgust; throwing more items from his bag onto the bed. “What are you talking about?”

“Room service bills? Those are dead give aways to your late night pizzas Nick. There’s always a trail back to anything you do. You have to more secretive about things.”

Nick’s face flushed with embarrassement. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

AJ shook his head. “Nicky stop kidding yourself. They had to let your pants out and the inseams and you had to have your shirts adjusted too. If you keep this up you’ll get sick from overeating. He’s only doing this because he cares about you.”

“Lou said I was just going through changes. He was fine with this,” Nick defended.

AJ sighed. “Keep telling yourself that then.”

A firm knock on the door interrupted Lou’s afternoon drink of whiskey and water. Setting the beverage down on the dresser as he walked toward the door, he cleared his throat. “Yeah... yeah, hold on, I’m coming.”

Johnny nearly burst through the door when it was starting to open.

“What the hell is so urgent! Something wrong?”

Johnny sat down at the small round table in the corner of the plush hotel suite. “You could say that something is wrong,” he started out as he looked around the suite.

Grabbing his mixed drink off the dresser Lou pointed at it with his free hand. “You want something to drink?”

Johnny sat up in his chair and waved him off. “We need to talk about Nick Carter.”

Settling back into his chair, Lou took a generous drink from the glass. “What about Nick? Has he gotten into some trouble?”

“No, it’s nothing like that. I don’t like what you’ve got planned and I think you should stop this before something terrible happens.”

“What do you mean?”

Johnny ran a hand through his hair. “You know exactly what I mean Pearlman.”

Lou smirked. “Don’t worry, I’ve already taken care of Nick and his little problem.”

"By telling Nick it's okay to eat as much as he wants? This is like giving a diabetic candy to eat for dinner! His weight is already starting to become a problem, what the hell are you waiting for!"

Lou's eyes darkened as he glared at the younger manager. "I've got it taken care of. End of conversation. Now if you don't mind, I have some phone calls to make. You know your way out."

Standing on the carpet in front of the press and photographers, Nick wished he was back at the hotel and under the covers. His stomach was aching and the cramps came in waves. It had started out light at first but as each hour passed, they seemed to be getting stronger. Pasting a well practiced smile on his face, Nick played to the cameras dispite his discomfort.

“Hey kid, we’re going in now for dinner, are you gonna join us or just stand out here looking like a complete dork?” AJ growled as he tugged on Nick’s arm.

Jerking, Nick snapped out of his daze. “Oh, yeah.”

AJ shook his head as he followed the blonde into the auditorium. “I swear you space out more than anyone I know. It’s amazing there hasn’t been a drug abuse story linked to you.”

Waiting in line with a mixture of who’s who from the recording industry, the boys waited in silence for their turn to be escorted to their table. The smells of food mixed with men’s cologne and women’s perfume made Nick’s stomach do flip flops. Just as he spied a restroom, their turn came up in the line.

“Gentlemen, follow me please.”

“I-I was gonna use the bathroom,” Nick whispered into Brian’s ear.

“Wait until we get to our table. You’ll get lost if we separate,” came the quick reply as they started off.

Nick’s hopes for a table near an exit or a restroom were quickly dashed when the boys were led to a round table, nearly front and center.

“Hey! Look bottles of wine!” AJ chuckled.

“Not for you,” Kevin said as he shot a warning glare.

“I’m legal here dickhead,” AJ hissed.

“Would anyone care to order a cocktail?”

“Yes, I’d like a whiskey sour and Nick here will have a rum and coke,” AJ grinned at the waiter.

“Neither one of you need any drinks,” Kevin advised. “Cancel that order.”

“Control freak,” AJ snapped.

“Proud of it too,” Kevin added.

Nick glanced warily at his surroundings, looking for an exit or a quick route to the restroom. His stomach was starting to knot up again and he kept thinking maybe if he went to the bathroom he would feel better.

“Nick, lean back so you don’t get burned,” Kevin advised as he placed a hand on the young singer’s shoulder.

“Huh?”

As Nick leaned back, his eyes followed the arm that snaked in front of him, setting a small cup of some type of creamy soup.

“Murklor,” the waiter stated as he placed the bowl in front of the blonde.

“That sounds like the noise Nick makes when he farts,” AJ snorted and then mimmicked the waiter’s words over and over again, amusing himself. ”Murklor!”

Leaning forward, Kevin glared at AJ. “These are the reasons why certain people should not be drinking tonight.”

“Yeah, eat your Murklor,” Nick mumbled, rubbing his stomach.

Turning the silver white creamy mixture with his spoon, Brian scrutinized the bowl. “This looks like it has mushrooms in it.” He quickly dropped his spoon back into the bowl, pushing the soup away.

“God, why don’t you try something new for a change?” Howie encouraged as he blew on his spoon before placing it into his mouth.

Nick looked down at the bowl in front of him, stirring the spoon around in the namixture, never attempting to put the spoon into his mouth. He kept trying block out the stomach ache that was growing more intense as the minutes ticked away; blaming it on nerves more than anything.

Just as AJ scraped the remainder of the soup from his bowl, the waitpersons decended upon the table like buzzards from the sky, clearing the soup dishes.

Nick scooted his chair away from the table.

Kevin eyed his young brother. “Where do you think you’re off to?”

Wiping the sweat that was beading on his upper lip with the linen napkin, Nick looked nervously toward the exit. “I need to use the bathroom.”

Kevin clamped a hand on the boy’s forearm. “Not alone you aren’t.”

“I’m fine, okay, I’m not a baby,” Nick protested as Kevin stood up from the table.

“Kev, I’ll go with Nick, I needed to use the restroom anyway,” Brian offered.

Kevin sat back down into his chair, never taking his eyes off of Nick. “Make sure you don’t lose track of him.”

“I’m sure he won’t get lost going into the bathroom for crying out loud. Give the guy some credit,” Howie sighed.

Brian had to sprint to catch up with Nick’s long legged strides towards the restrooms. “Hey! Wait up!”

Nick slowed his pace but never stopped, keeping his focus on the doors leading to the facilities and the relief he was desiring. Much to Nick’s dismay, they had to stand in line to wait a turn for one of private stalls. Nick shifted his weight back and forth.

“Is there something wrong?” Brian asked, concern in his eyes.

“My stomach is upset, that’s all,” Nick muttered.

Brian raised an eyebrow as he looked up at the blonde, noticing the film of sweat that was beading up on the face and forehead. “Oh.” Quickly the memory of Nick throwing up after a heavy food binge sprung into his head. “You been overeating again?”

Nick rested his head against the wall, rolling his eyes. “God, why do you always think that I did something to myself? Just drop it!”

A stall became free at a very opportune time for Nick and he wasted no time in putting space between himself and Brian and quickly darted towards the safety of Brian’s questions and stares.

Brian shook his head as he watched Nick dash into the stall, slamming the door loudly behind him. Admist toilet flushes and water running, he tried to train his ears on any sounds that could be coming from Nick’s stall. Specifically sounds of someone throwing up.

As luck would have it, a man exited the stall that was next to the one Nick occupied. Brian nearly knocked the older man over in his haste to get in to see if he could hear what was going on over in Nick’s stall. Preoccupied with unfastening his pants and trying to hear noises, Brian didn’t realize that the opening of a stall door was Nick’s.

Sitting down, Brian sat completely still. His wait was finally awarded with the sounds of feet shuffling back and forth and a short grunting noise. He furrowed his brow as he listened, feeling like a spy in a James Bond 007 movie. Suddenly, a hand came underneath the stall wall. “Hey buddy, you have any TP to spare in there?”

Brian looked down at the hand; it clearly didn’t belong to Nick, but that voice sounded so familiar to him, he couldn’t place who it belonged to.

“Uh... yeah.” Drawing a long strip of toilet paper from the roll, Brian folded it several times before laying it into the open palm that was still outstretched under the metal wall.

“Thanks.”

The person that occupied the next stall finished his business and flushed the toilet, banging the door against the wall loudly when he exited his stall. “Hey JC, did you see Nick Carter?”

Brian narrowed his eyes. Now he realized who the hand belonged to.

Joey Fatone.

“Yeah, god that kid is really packing the weight on, ain’t he? You’d think for being in the business he would watch what he does to himself.”

At first Brian was angry as he listened to Joey’s rude comments, but his anger slowly dissolved into a the quiet realization that if they were talking about Nick, that meant that Nick was no longer in the bathroom!

Quickly pulling his pants up, Brian slid out of the bathroom stall. He saw the back of Joey and JC as they left the restroom, which suited Brian fine, since he was angry about the words he had heard come out of Joey’s mouth he wasn’t sure he would be able to keep a civil mind about him if he were to confront Joey face to face.

Relief washed over him when as he approached the table and saw Nick was already sitting down, and the waiters were starting to serve dinner.

“I thought you were gonna wait for me,” Brian stated as he pulled his chair out and sat down.

“It would look kinda gay if I hung out in the mens room alone, wouldn’t it?”

“I see your point, but still, you just told me you weren’t feeling good and then you up and leave me in the bathroom. How was I to know you didn’t pass out or something?”

Nick shrugged a reply.

“Filet a la oscar,” the waiter announced as he set the plate in front of Nick.

As Nick looked down at the meat dish, his stomach started making loud rumbling noises.

“Starving Nick?” AJ grinned.

“I really doubt that,” Brian snapped as he cast a glare over at Nick.

Kevin picked up on the tension between Brian and Nick. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing, Brian is just thinking he’s psychic or something I guess,” Nick mumbled as he threw the napkin back into his lap.

Picking up his fork, Nick visualized Brian’s face as the potato and repeatidly stabbed it.

“Easy with the spud Kaos,” AJ snickered.

As Nick opened his mouth to reply, a loud burp escaped his lips and he quickly slapped a hand over his mouth as his cheeks started to turn bright red.

AJ cocked his head to one side and grinned his approval. “Now there’s some real class!”

Brian and Kevin’s head shot up and both directed a look of disapproval toward the young teen.

“What the hell has gotten into you tonight?” Kevin hissed as he watched Nick squirm around in his chair.

“I-I don’t know, it just slipped out,” Nick defended. “Excuse me.”

A look of disgust was on Howie’s face. Body sounds was never high on his list and it was one of the things that could make the Latino gag over quite easily.

AJ eyed his younger brother, concern etched on his face. “Nick you look a little green around the gills, are you sick?” He stretched out his hand to check Nick’s forehead which he quickly darted away, avoiding contact.

“I’m fine,” Nick assured; his voice lacking the conviction as he tried to will his mind into thinking he fine. “It’s just a case of nerves.”

Nick started thinking about the question. Was he really fine? If someone asked him how to describe what he was feeling at the moment, he wasn’t sure what words he would use for a description. Shit? Hell? Death warmed over? Shrugging his shoulders, only to himself, Nick couldn’t decide how he really felt and why for the most part. Lou had given him that health drink but now he was beginning to wonder if he took it a little too late and he was already affected by the Backstreet Flu Bug.

AJ wasn’t the only one that noticed Nick’s color being off. From the other table Lou Pearlman and Johnny Wright sat quietly observing their charges. Lou was starting to wonder why Nick was looking the way he did. The medicine he had given to him earlier should have done it’s deed and not held the young singer in any distress; at least that’s what the directions on the bottle of milk of magnesia instructed him.

Tossing back the rest of his mixed drink, Pearlman shook his head. He came to the quick conclusion that the Carter kid was a wuss and anything he took would work in overdrive because of his system. He quietly decided that maybe the first time would be the worst for the boy and with each dose he took, the effects wouldn’t be as troublesome.

Kevin noticed Nick staring down at his plate. “How come you’re not touching your food?”

“I’m not hungry.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m not hungry, okay?”

“Is there a reason for this?” Kevin pressed.

“God, leave the boy alone, I already said he looked green, if you make him eat I’m sure he’ll hurl right on the stage!” AJ pointed out.

‘Okay, great AJ, thanks for putting that thought in my head,’ Nick mentally commented to himself. It was bad enough that he figured he had a bad case of nerves but now Kevin was staring at him and AJ was reminding him that he had a sensitive stomach. When was the torture going to end.

As if his stomach had anything to add, a loud gurgle announced that it was still alive and active. Nick clamped his arm over the offending area, trying his best to calm it down. The pressure of his waistband didn’t help matters so Nick tried as secretively as he could, unfasten the button on his pants.

Catching his moves, Brian leaned closely to his brother. “Ah ha, so you didn’t stuff yourself earlier?”

“Please leave me alone,” Nick wined softly.

“Brian, I was with Nick the whole time, he didn’t eat anything, so just back off the poor kid. I really think he’s sick!” AJ defended with a hard glare thrown in for effect.

Running a shaky hand across his pale forehead, Nick mumbled, “I think I’m getting the flu.”

Howie shifted his chair strategically further away from Nick’s side of the table, sliding his dinner service along with him.

“I swear D, you’re too much sometimes,” AJ grinned as he watched Howie’s movements.

Staring at the group, he looked at them with his deep brown eyes, swimming with innocence. “I just need to be careful. Relapses happen.”

Kevin shrugged his shoulders as he focused his attention back toward the plate in front of him. The meal looked delicious, but as much as he hated to admit it, he was a little nervous about standing in front of his peers at least twice tonight.

Nick started squirming in his seat again, desperate to find a comfortable position.

“Nick! Knock it off, you almost spilled my drink!” Brian growled as he jerked to catch the goblet from tumbling over.

Once again as Nick opened his mouth to apologize, a burp came out in reply.

“That’s my boy,” AJ snickered, amusement evident on his face.

“You are definately not saying one word when we go up to present that award,” Kevin snapped as he glared at the red faced teen.

A sudden need filled his gut and Nick knew there was only one thing he had....no must do to feel better. He quickly shoved his chair away from the table.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

“Bathroom,” Nick mumbled.

“Gentlemen, please follow me to the backstage,” an older woman dressed in formal attire stated with a thickly accented voice as she gestured with an outstretched arm.

Nick wanted to cry at this point. He needed to go use the bathroom and now was not the time to be interrupted again in his quest for relief. “You guys go on there without me,” he begged, his voice cracking.

“We were invited as five members and five members will be presenting the award. Get your ass over here,” Kevin hissed through clenched teeth.

AJ rushed up to walk alongside Nick. “You got the shits?”

Nick kept his eyes focused ahead. “I told you I think I’m getting the flu.” He could hear the tattooed man’s snickering. “I’m serious!”

“You always had immpeciable timing Kaos.”

As he opened his mouth to defend himself, another loud burp came out as the reply.

Gathering off stage, Kevin gave his bandmates a quick pep talk. “Brian, you can take the lines that would be Nick’s. Nick, under no circumstances do you speak or even open your mouth.... do you understand?”

As Nick was preparing to answer, Kevin shot him a hard glare. He immediately clamped his mouth shut and nodded his understanding.

“Good.”

Rocking back and forth as he stood with Kevin next to him, Nick prayed that their segment on the award show would be overwith quickly; better yet, the entire show would end and he could be back in his hotel room safe in bed or safe in the bathroom...whichever provided him with relief.

Just as Nick was thinking about bolting towards the exits, Kevin’s hand clamped down on his arm. “We’re on.”

“God get me through this please,” Nick moaned as he put the fake Backstreet Smile on his face.

Showtime once again.

“Oh my god.... check out the rack on that one, wouldja?” AJ whispered as he lowered his trademark sunglasses. “Mmmmmm, sweet Jesus, that is one hell of a mountian I’d like to climb on and su---ouch, why the fuck did you do that for asshole?”

“People can read lips and besides, you’re drooling,” Brian whispered harshly.

“Oh mister goodie two shoes don’t like me appreciating women?”

“Not the way you’re appreciating them.”

“But I am admiring God’s work dude.”

“Not the way He intended.”

“Nicky, you like the hooters on her didn’t you?”

Nick rubbed a sweaty hand over his eyes, mumbling.

“Huh? What did you say Kaos?” After waiting a few moments for a clearer response, AJ patted the side of Nick’s face. “Earth to... christ, you feel hot!”

“I told you I was sick,” Nick muttered, keeping his eyes down.

“Nick, you look like you’re attending a funeral instead of an award show, smile, people are watching you and taking pictures,” Lou Pearlman stated as he looked at the group seated at the round table.

“Nicky says he doesn’t feel good, again,” Brian announced, voice dripping with sarcasim as he rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, I think he’s got the flu or something,” AJ added. “He’s got the shits.”

Pearlman patted the young boy on the shoulder. “I’m sure it will pass.”

“That flu drink didn’t work, I got the flu anyways.” Nick mumbled.

Lou laughed off his concerns about Nick’s reaction to the laxative. “Maybe you took it too late.”

Kevin’s head snapped up when he heard the conversation. “What flu drink?”

“Oh, it’s nothing to be concerned over. This is between me and the boy, right Nicky?”

As Kevin was preparing to get to the bottom of the ‘flu drink’, dessert was being passed around the table.

“Better eat all of it Nick, you need to keep your strength up,” Lou advised before he turned back to his own table.

Howie, Brian, Kevin and AJ looked at each other with questioning eyes.

‘Eat all of it Nick?’ Howie mouthed; his face in shock as his eyes went from the slouched teen to the rich dessert that was in front of him to his brother’s eyes.

Each of them were in shock over the obese manager’s words to their young brother who was battling his not-so-private war against weight gain and the constant pressure of family and fans and being under constant scrutany.

Instead of picking a fork up and digging into the calorie laden dessert, Nick quietly shoved the plate away, groaning.

“Okay, you really must be sick,” Brian stated softly.

”AND THE WINNER OF THE BEST POPGROUP FOR 1998.... BACKSTREET BOYS!”

A blinding spotlight shone on the table that they were seated at, jerking the boys from their preoccupiation over their ailing bandmate.

“Nicky, we won! C’mon,” Howie urged as he nudged his little brother’s shoulder.

Nick looked around the table with a feverish gaze. The lights were beginning to hurt his eyes and he couldn’t stand upright if his life depended upon it. Howie instintively but an arm around the young boy’s shoulders; walking alongside him as the rest of the group bounded up the stage to accept the award.

Kevin took the usual role of spokesman for the group, accepting the award and then one by one each of the boys stood up quickly to the microphone to say thank yous. When Nick’s turn came, he made a small attempt at a peace sign and that wasn’t even held up for anyone past the second row of tables to see.

“Are you gonna be alright?” Howie leaned over to Nick as he walked off stage.

Spying a restroom, Nick darted away from his brothers and quickly slammed the door behind him. He didn’t care that he nearly knocked down one of the Spice Girls in his quest for relief. At this point he could have care less about running down anyone that stood in his way.

He made it to the toilet in the nick of time; gagging as his stomach churned and twisted, forcing what little was inside back out. His eyes watering from the pain and the fact that he was heaving so hard that he barely had time to take a breath.

Thousands of miles away from home there were only two thoughts that entered Nick Carter at this moment as he was heaving his guts out: 1) he wanted to be home in his own bed and 2) he wanted his mom.

“Nick? Are you okay?”

Shaking his head when he heard Kevin’s concerned voice muffled through the solid door, Nick wished he could disappear. He knew that Kevin was asking because he cared, but now Nick wondered how many other people would be standing outside the door when he decided he was ready to face the world again.

“I’m f-fi...”

Nick couldn’t finish his sentance because another wave of nausea hit him and he had to put his face back down into the porcelin bowl. Between his heaves he thought he heard the sound of the door knob rattling.

“Open the door!”

Wiping the tears from his cheeks, Nick flushed the toilet. He was at the sink washing his hards when his body announced a new and urgent need. Barely getting his pants undone and down, it came with such urgency, he knew that if he had been sitting someplace else other than at this backstage facility, he would have certainly shit his pants.... literally.

“Nick.... are you alright? Let me in please!”

“I’m sick,” he squeaked.

Kevin stared at the closed door, wishing he could will it open with his mind - telepathically. He heard the gagging from his little brother and he felt the ache in his heart knowing that this was one of the worst possible things that could be happening to the young teen at this moment.

Finally, the door slowly opened and a pale, sweaty teen emerged.

“They said we need to get into our stage clothes for the song,” Brian announced to the group quietly, his voice sounded apologetic as he glanced over at Nick when he spoke.

Nick’s eyes widened when he heard Brian’s words. “No, I c-can’t,” he mumbled. Suddenly he grabbed Kevin’s arm in a tight grip. “Please don’t make me do this,” he tearfully pleaded.

“Room 15, down this hall and it’s on the left,” a stage hand stated.

Kevin nodded his understanding and started off in the direction the stage hand pointed, motioning to the rest of the group with the back of his hand.

Nick burst into tears when they finally reached the room. The mixture of feeling sick was topped off when he saw Lou Pearlman sitting on the small couch inside of the dressing room.

“Nick’s too sick to be going out there for our set,” Kevin stated as he placed a comforting hand on the young boy’s shoulder.

“Nonesence,” the manager growled. “He can do his job.”

Kevin’s mouth dropped open. “I’m telling you he’s sick. He was in the bathroom a few minutes ago heaving his guts out.”

Pearlman sized up the pale blonde. “Well, his color’s a little off, but he’s been through worse times. Just go do what you’re paid to do and then you can go back to the hotel and sleep until the meet and greet in the morning.”

“He needs a red card Lou,” AJ snapped.

“What more are you going to make this kid go through? He’s only human and you’re treating him like he’s here for your beckon call. You already disobeyed doctors orders and now he’s finally sick and you still won’t bother to look past your fat wallet!”

The manager narrowed his eyes when Howie’s outburst hung in the air. “That will be enough out of you! This is a business and in a business you do what you’re told to do. Period. Now get your stage clothes on!”

Looking over at the teary eyed boy, Howie shrugged his shoulders. “We tried Nick, I’m sorry.”

Nick numbly took the clothing off the rack. His stomach was growling and nausea was forming like a knot at the base of his throat. He didn’t know how he’d be able to pull of this show. He had been sick numerous times on stage, but those times were different. Tonight he was sick from both ends and he didn’t know how he’d be able to sing let alone dance!

To make matters worse, the tailor neglected to alter the costume that was chosen for tonight’s performance. Nick noticed that immediately when he stepped into the pants. The material hugged his thighs like a second skin.

Doing as best as he could, Nick drew in his breath as he tried to fasten the button over his sore gut. After several tries, he gave up and wanted to crawl behind something whe he knew that he probably looked like he had been poured into the tight fitting garment.

His dilemma hadn’t gone unnoticed. AJ saw the definate “love handles” that were riding the edge of the waistband and almost made a smart comment but kept his mouth closed. He didn’t want to cause anymore discomfort for Nick than he was already experiencing.

Grabbing the black shirt, Nick quickly slipped it on, praying that it would conceal the problem with his tight pants. He was thrilled when the material went past the waistband, unaware of how awful the shirt looked on him.

He didn’t notice, but everyone else did.

Pearlman cast his stone eyed gaze upon the sick boy, taking in his out of shape appearance. He decided that the measures he was taking for getting Nick back in shape was the right thing to do. If he had allowed the kid to have free reign on his eating, he surely would have grown to become the size of a Backstreet Boy and a half and wouldn’t be able to perform ever again, thus his money maker would make money for him no more.

A knock on the door told the boys that they were needed backstage for mirophone adjustments before heading onstage. Pearlman heaved his bulky frame off the sofa and followed the young men; keeping his eyes trained on the sickly teen.

Kevin kept glancing towards his baby brother while the headset was being adjusted. Nick’s almost appeared a shade of grey and his eyes didn’t look “right” to him either. He took his attention from Nick to cast a glare toward the obese manager. The site of the man grinning, made Kevin’s blood pressure sky rocket. He suddenly jerked away from the sound tech; his sound box dangling down his back.

“Sir... sir!”

“How can you stand there and smile? Nick is clearly sick! What is it going to take for you to realize you’ve pushed that kid too far? Does he have to collapse onstage?” Kevin became upset when the manager didn’t even bother to acknowledge him. “How about we just don’t sing, we’ll protest. What do you think about that?”

Kevin’s last words caught the manager’s attention. Lou Pearlman drew in a quick breath and replied in a low whisper, “You’ll never be in the enterainment industry again. I’ll make sure of that Richardson. Now be a good Backstreet Boy and get your headset on and your ass out there on the goddamned stage!”

It wasn’t the words that the man uttered that sent chills down the dark haired singer’s spine; it was the tone of voice the man used. There was something that he couldn’t explain that actually made him fear the man. Maybe this is what had happened to Nick when he was stranded with Pearlman after he lost his passport.

The sound tech timidly attached the headset sound box onto to back of Kevin’s waistband. The staredown between Kevin and Lou was broken only after the host announced the group. For a few tense moments, Kevin didn’t move. The rest of the boys wondered what was happening.

Breaking his stare, Kevin rushed toward Nick and whispered into his ear, “Are you sure you’ll be alright to do this?”

Fingering the mouthpiece on his headset, Nick managed a slight nod in reply.

Fear of failure?

Grabbing Nick’s hand, the group bowed, Nick only bowed the first time, the rest of the guys bowing the last couple of times.

Nick slid his sweaty hand out of Kevin’s grasp and bolted for backstage toward safety and more imporant to the bathroom. He had been fighting the nausea the entire performance, and the feeling in his stomach told him it was time to hurl. He knew he wouldn’t be able to hold it off anymore.

He was within 20 feet of the bathroom door when he was jerked back by a strong hand on his arm.

“Get back out there!”

Nick looked into the eyes of the stout man, shaking his head furiously, jerking the headset off.

“I said get back out there! The audience is still applauding!”

As Nick opened his mouth to ask the manager to let him go, the worst possible thing happened to him.

The humiliation that Nick felt at that moment when he stopped heaving, was turned into absolute panic when he looked at the damage he had caused to Mr. Pearlman’s expensive suit and shoes. To add to the embarrassement, there were several people milling around backstage that included his peers in the music industry as well as technicians. Out of nowhere, a white towel was thrust toward Lou. The stench of vomit hung in the air.

Blinded by his tears, Nick could only apologize over and over as Pearlman tried to dab the vomit from his clothing. He could have sworn he heard laughter, and the frustration of the moment caught Nick up in not recognizing reality from imagination. He was certain that everyone was laughing at him.

Everyone but Lou Pearlman.

He quickly fled toward the bathroom and slammed the door behind him, locking it. Sobbing, he sank to the floor.

Nick decided he had failed again. This time it was in front of everyone. He had only showed them that he couldn’t handle fame. In their eyes he had gotten sick from being up in front of people.

How could he ever face anyone again?

"What did you do with that kid?" Johnny growled, storming into the backstage dressing room where Lou Pearlman was changing his outfit after the disaster that had occured. Nick had hosed him down pretty good and they had to call for a new change in clothing as Mr. Pearlman was going to attend the awards after party. This was easier said than done since the manager wasn´t exactly wearing the smallest size in clothes.

Turning toward the black man who radiated nothing but anger, Mr. Pearlman mumbled, "What do you mean by that?" Narrowing his eyes he continued, "I haven´t done anything that the boy didn´t agree upon."

"Bullshit! You told Nick that the health drink would CURE him NOT make him this bad. Somehow I don´t think that this is what the kid expected. That he would practically turn his intestines inside and out, especially on an important day like this!" Johnny spat, not hiding the anger that was fuming inside of him like a furnace ready to explode.

"Man, take it easy," Lou grinned, trying to calm the hot tempered manager down, "I said that I was keeping the boys health under control and his weight, and I didn´t hear you complain about this earlier?"

"That was just beacuse I didn´t think that the outcome would be this violent. For crying out loud Lou the kid is sicker than a dog. He is puking both ways." Johnny’s eyes were black with anger. "I really think that spiking his health drink with laxative was taking it one step too far. Now the kid is too sick too perform, and this is NOT something we need right now."

Lou snorted, "It has to be more than that small dose of milk of magnesia I gave him. He probably caught that flu bug that’s going around. God knows the kid is like a human fly paper!" Fastening the belt around his vomniuos stomach he continued, "Nick will thank me one day for this!"

" Thank you? Are you out of your mind?" The anger that was pent up inside the black manager over the way Lou Pearlman treated the people in this business, like they were replaceable animals, was seeping out. He felt bad knowing that he hadn´t exactly treated the kid the best himself. He more than often looked upon him like he was something that the cat had dragged in. He felt that Nick sometimes was often more of a nuisance than a benefit. No matter how angry and demonic Johnny could be at times the thought had never crossed him to make the kid this ill. Especially not on a BIG day like this. He knew how much the kid had looked forward going to this one, and he felt that Nick had deserved to celebrate and not be stuck inside the restroom, too sick to either move or speak.

Not listening to the manager Lou continued, "Ýou and me both know that Nick is startig to gain a little too much weight for his own good. I´ve had a long talk with the boy and he agreed to control his intake on food. This is more than I can say when he was staying with you." There were a hint of sarcasm in the fat man’s voice. "To help him in the process I gave him a health drink and he will be grateful in the future that I helped him in a situation like this. He is starting to become fat, and fat don´t sell. Didn´t you see how he looked on stage?"

The fury build up inside Johnny as he growled loudly, "Speeding up the process! My ass! You can´t give him laxative the way you did. He is just a kid for crying out loud."

"A kid with obligations," Lou stated calmly. "Relax friend." He patted Johnny on the shoulder in a degrading way, "This is a well tested recipe that has helped overweight people loose and control their weight. It is fast and no effects from this one. Not dangerous at all. It causes some small discomfort for a short time and then it is over."

"Tell that to kid right now, or god, tell it to the rest of the boys." Johnny sneered since he wasn´t buying Lou’s pityful excuse to get Nick to diet. Okay, he agreed that the kid was starting to look a little chubby, but to give him a large dose of Milk of Magnesia, a does that was so bad that it literally could wipe out a whole population was a large step. In the wrong direction!

"You´re making it sound like this is bad. For your information this is a well tried method used with models when they want to keep in shape."

"Nick is not a model!" Johnny spat.

"No but he is the girl’s pet and we need him to stay in shape and young as long as possible. Both you and me knows that Nick sells, and he is the golden boy that feeds our mouths. I really think that we can take better care of our investment so it doesn´t run out of profit." Lou grinned.

Johnny felt sick! So this was the way Lou looked upon the boys? As an investment!! Shaking his head he couldn´t believe that this was the same man that once again took the guys under his protective wing, acting like a dad for them. Not that the teen didn´t get on his nerves sometimes, NO the kid could bug the hell out of him with his endless questions and immature ways. Yet he had to confess that he liked the boy. He had his own unique personality, and even if he was often as hyped up as a Mexican jumping bean he was still very likeable. What Johnny had a hard time dealing with was the moody teen that was more and more getting himself known. The manager was also a bit stressed out over the fact that he was in the process of building up another boyband from scratch. It was a new group of teenagers that Lou had put under his protection. Their name was N´sync!

"Anyway someone has to take the kid back to the hotel," Johnny concluded, "he is in no shape to go to the after party."

"NO he would probably just end up puking on someone else," Lou said with disgust. The thoughts that he had about the blonde were not very nice and Johnny feared that Nick was in a worse position than he had ever been before. Vomit on Lou was not something you did without punishment, even if it was accidental. The manager waved with his diamond dressed fingers, "That is your problem!"

Johnny sighed deeply, "One of us has to go back with him." He wasn´t too happy either since he would have rather gone to the after party where there was free liquor and food, than babysitting the kid throughout the night. But at the same way he felt sorry for the kid too. This had to be one of the most humilating moments in the kid’s history. He didn´t want to rub it in, knowing that Nick felt enough bad as it was.

"This is MY big night!" Lou stated with a motion, "I own the Backstreet Boys and if you think that I´m going to let some spoiled brat that ate too much ruin this you better think twice again." Looking at the manager he said with a shrug, "Send Brian. He can take care of his little friend. After all the boys are Frick and Frack, aren´t they?" The voice dripped with sarcasm.

"NO Brian is needed for the press!" Johnny commented, "I´ll take the kid back myself." His voice was being firm, " That boy needs to get into bed."

"Yeah...yeah " Lou waved the manager away. He didn´t care about Nick’s health as long as the boy was up and going again, like an engine. "But don´t forget that the boy has obligations to do tomorrow. To go to the meet and greet."

"The kid is in no shape to do that!" Johnny set his eyes into the top manager. "If you didn´t trick him he wouldn´t be heaving his guts out right now. I really wonder what the rest of the guys would say if they knew this!

"I would leave this alone if I were you. This is something between me and Nickolas." His voice was low, threatningly.

"Well you are not ME, are you?" Johnny snarled back.

"I suggest that you better rethink what you are saying now since the tax authorities would be more than happy to find out about those small businesses you made through out the years that the books weren’t kept on either."

Bastard! "You´re blackmailing ME?"

"Oh," Lou laughed, "I wouldn´t call it blackmailing. I´m just informing you about certain things that could get rather ugly if they were leaked out to the media." Lou looked like a snake to Johnny and for a moment he couldn´t understand how he could be wrapped up in this dirty business. "But if you forget the little deal that me and Nicky has then I won’t spill one word."

"Oh God, you ARE really blackmailing me!" Johnny was taking in the words slowly. He felt even more physically sick than he ever thought was possible, having to sell Nick to save his own ass.

"Okay Wright, if you rather want to run that pitiful business of yours while ratteling prison bars, be my guest." There was nothing kind in Lou’s smile. His eyes were hard and cold.

This was unbelievable. His boss was threatning him if he revealed how bad the boys, especially Nick was treated by the big Daddy, Mr Lou Pearlman! Too afraid that his own ass would be fried, Johnny decided to look the other way over this business. He didn´t want to drag his own family through the dirt and also alot of boybands depended on him. This was what he decided so his guilt wouldn´t eat him up alive. Mentally Johnny decided that he would give Lou an respite. If the kid would continue to be this sick he would throw in the towel.

But for now it wouldn´t hurt Nick to get rid off some of that baby fat. Once and for all, Johnny reasoned.

A loud groan was heard. It sounded like someone that was on the verge of dying. Ratteling the door handle, Johnny was ready to grab a tool desperate to open up the door when a pale face appeared. Sweat pearled on the teen’s forhead, his blonde hair plastered to his skull like a helmet. If death would be personalized Johhny bet that this is what he would look like.

"You want to get to bed?" the manager asked as he tried to steady the swaying teen. All he received was a blank glass eyed stare before Nick walked on wobbly legs towards the wanted bed. "Whoaaa," Johnny was there with a helping hand as the blonde tilted dangerously. "Take it easy." This was worse than when Nick had been drunk at New Years, hell this was worse than ANY time that Nick had been wasted. That wouldn´t say little.

Placing the young man on the bed, he helped him take off his shoes and then the dress pants. To his dismay he noticed that Nick had really started to gain weight, but he knew that this would soon be a memory if Lou kept up with the cure like he intended to do.

"I can do that myself," Nick mumbled when Johnny tried to hoist his sweatsoaked T-shirt over the head. With fumbling hands he tried to take over the task. This was a futile attempt since his hands were shaking too bad, his whole body wracked with chills.

"No let me do it." Johnny’s voice was gentle when he helped Nick to lay down in the bed. The teen closed his eyes immediately. It was like the sickness had drained him of all energy and he just wanted to crawl ínto a ball and sleep the night away. Yet he knew that it would be futile since the spasms still wracked his body, not even allowing him to keep any water down or inside. The fact that he was pouring like the Niagara Falls from both entrances, sometimes at the same time, didn´t improve the situation either. He couldn´t remember the last time he had been this sick. As violently ill as he was it had to be a bad case of food poisoning. What else could have caused him to become this sick?

"You want something to drink?" Johnny asked, picking up a glass from the desk. Nick shook his head. "No I don´t think I can keep it down." His voice weak and shaky.

Johnny felt sorry for the kid. It couldn´t be all that nice to be thousands miles from home, stuck in a hotel room, feeling this shitty. He wet a towel which he handed to Nick, "Here, put this on your forehead and you might feel a bit better." Nick looked up. This was a side that he had seldom encountered within the manager. A soft and comforting side. If Nick didn´t know better he would think that the manager acted like he was guilty over something. But that had to be his sick mind playing tricks with him, he concluded. The fever was running in his veins, making it hard for him to think straight, clear thoughts.

"Thanks," Nick accepted the towel with shaky hands. It felt good to cool off his hot face, and he felt a bit better as he felt the cold cloth on his forehead. His head didn´t ache as furiously anymore. This had been one of the worst nights ever in his eighteen year old life and he hoped that he would never have to relive this again. Having the shits sucked, but what was worse was throwing up on Mr. Pearlman when all of the important people in the music business was watching. He could swear that he saw Jon BonJovi in the background, laughing. He would be the laughing stock of the year.

Nick groaned. The headlines of tomorrows newspaper were outlined in his mind "Nick Carter, Backstreet Boys making a speech for entertainment!" And then they would show a close up off him hosing down his manager. Everything was suddenly starting to get too much and Nick could feel the tears prick in his eyes. Moaning he mumbled, "I wanna go home."

"Is it that bad?"

" Mmm.." Nick shut his eyes tightly riding out another bout of nausea rinsing over him, combined with a new set of cramps. It wouldn´t surprise him if he would have to go for another trip to the facilities. Crawling into a ball he did his best to block out the discomfort that burned in his stomach. The loud rumblings came from deep within. The cramps having him in a tight grip made him sob, "Mom! I want my mom."

Johnny looked at the kid. Did he just call out for his mom? Sighing the man felt on the sick boys forehead. He was burning up. "Man you sure hit this flu bug bad." He stroked away a damp string of hair from the boy’s cheek. All he got back as a response was a choked back sob. The kid was crying.

"Shhh calm down," the manager whispered, trying to soothe the kid the best he could. Nick shivered in bed, wrapping his arms around himself, trying to sooth the pain he was feeling surge through the whole body. Moaning he tried to sit up. He caught the situation at once. "You need to go again?"

Nick nodded, barely visible. Johnny was there with an helping arm, " Here lean on this." He tried to hoist the kid to stand up. "There you go," he continued, more or less carrying the sick teen into the bathroom. His legs too weak and wobbly to walk by his own. "You think you can manage now?" he asked as he sat Nick down on the bowl.

The teen blushed, "I´m..I´m so..sorry," he stuttered, his face as red as a cooked lobster. " I´m sorry."

"That is okay," Johnny said gently, "Don´t worry. This happens to the best of us." He handed the teen the trashcan. "Just in case you need it, you know." All he got back was a nod as when the kid squeezed his eyes hard, bracing himself against the pain. He ruffled the kid on his head, "I´ll be outside, shout if you need anything." He closed the door just as Nick was wracked with another painful spasm.

Johnny winced. That didn´t sound too good. If the kid kept this up he was forced to take him to a doctor and this was something that he wanted to prevent as long as possible. A doctor would spot what Lou was up to and even if Johnny was innocent he would still be dragged into the dirt.

'Fuck Lou,' he growled inside him, upon hearing the whimpers coming from the bathroom facilities. 'If this kept up the manager could kill the kid!' Yet there wasn’t much he could do about the situation, afraid about saving his own skin.

Listening to the moans he wanted to do something to help the kid. He would call Nick’s mother if he could, but Jane and Bob were touring with Aaron and Nick’s siblings. Besides it would upset them too grately if they found out what Mr. Pearlman was doing to the kid. His own wife, Donna, was another option, but knowing from past experiences Nick and Donna didn´t get along that great together. Especially not since Nick had given Donna gum that tasted like fish! He wished that AJ´s mother, Denise wasn´t back in the states. She would be great in dealing with a situation like this. Now he was left alone, taking care of a sick kid.

It was going to be a long night!

"Hi J, how´s it goin’?" Brian asked, slapping his hand on his friend’s back. "Did it get late?" His witty squirrel eyes peered at the man with the slumped posture infront of him.

A grunt was heard, "Man!" AJ, who sat and picked at his breakfast not having any appetite whatsoever after last nights partying, looked up with blearly eyes. "How can you be so damn cheerful this early in the morning?"

"Early?" Brian said with a grin on his face, "Jay it´s ten o clock. It’s almost time for lunch."

"Don´t mention food," AJ groaned, pushing the plate away from him with a disgusted frown.

"That bad?" Brian chuckled, "Jeeze you should have stopped when we told you to. Dude you sure are hungover."

"Yeah.....yeah." AJ mumbled, waving Brian away. "Rub it in." Hanging his head low he moaned, "Man I feel like shit. I need some tylenol."

"I can tell buddy," He patted AJ on his shoulder again, lightly, "But you better get into shape since we have an interview for MTV after lunch."

"You gotta be shitting me!" his friend said, peering under his dark sun glasses. "For real?"

"Yup. Lou came to me and asked me to tell you."

AJ groaned miserably, rubbing his temples in round smooth circles, "There is no way in hell I´m doing that today." He pouted like a small kid who refused to eat dinner. "I think I´ve caught whatever shit Nick has."

Brian laughed at his friend, "Dude, what you have isn´t the FLU, it’s more a bad case of inducing too much intoxicating substances, also known as a hangover!"

"Whatever." AJ was in no mood to get into an argument. He sighed loudly before continuing,"Nick is still sick."

Brian nodded, sadly, "Yeah, I know." He sat down next to his long time friend. "But when did that ever stop Lou?"

AJ glared at his brother."What? You´re not saying that the bastard is going to make Nick do that interview too? That is fucking insane. He will hurl on the camera!" He shook his head, still taking in the information. "You gotta be kidding, man. Nicky is no shape to do anything besides shit and moan!."

"AJeee!" He sighed, "Yeah I know it would be bad. I thought that Nick was going to pass out yesterday."

AJ ran his hand with a tired gesture through his spiked hair. "Tell me about it. The dude was so sick yesterday that even Johnny got concerned and he stayed with him all night. He was up taking care of Nicky when I came back."

"He did?" Brian sounded surprised, adding with a frown, "Dude where did you get to sleep then?"

A grin lit up AJ´s face, "Who said that I did?"

"JAY?? You´re not saying that you have been up all night!"

AJ kept grinning. "No not really."

"What do you mean then?" Brian frowned. "Been drinking?"

"Eh.." AJ laughed. 'God Brian can be so gullible,' he thought before adding, "You know that tall blonde with those reindeer legs?

"Mhmm.."

"Ka..Katrin something?"

"Yes?" There were impatience in his friends voice.

"Patience.... patience," AJ said with a grin, just to be hit on his head with a newspaper, "Ouch that hurt," he muttered, rubbing his sore skull. Brian batteling with him didn´t make him feel any better.

"Now spill it!" Brian hissed through gritted teeth. He held up the newspaper, threathingly. "Or else.."

"Okay, okay," AJ laughed, ducking down."Okay she is the one I spent the night with!"

Brian didn´t sound too pleased, "Okay and I take it that you two didn´t actually sleep."

"Nope." AJ grinned, "She was a real wild cat...meeoowww. That girl sure could scratch!"

There was no amusement in his friends eyes, "I don´t want to spoil your wild night but..," he started, getting interrupted.

"Then don´t." The tone was hard.

Ignoring the comment Brian continued, "I wonder what Amanda will say when she finds out that you have been cheating on her?"

AJ narrowed his eyes, "Nothing 'cause she won´t."

Brian shook his head, "You can´t go on and play with others while you are with her. She will leave you once she finds out. If you love her you better stop doing this."

The words hit AJ rather hard, "That is none of your damn business." He stood up quickly, "I don´t have to sit here, listening to you preaching and acting like you never done anything bad. You are so fucking righteous that it makes me sick!" With that he pushed the chair aside walking briskly out of the room.

"Bone!" Brian called towards his friend, getting no response. When the skinny man was out of the picture he leaned his head in his hands, groaning.

Everything was falling apart!

They were on their midst of their success and it was all turning into pieces. AJ was partying more and more and had a new girl every night. This while he was still living with Amanda. He was acting like a rebel without a brain! Brian snorted. AJ often tried to act cool, when all he was, was a large chickenshit!

Nick on the other hand was someone that Brian was getting seriously concerned about. He was being moody all the time, very far from his own happy self. More down in the dumps, depressed, overeating and catching every bug that came around. He was not in a good mental or physical state at all. Totally exhausted!

Howie was the one that was worried for his sister who was suffering from Lupus. He was not as happy and outgoing as he used to be, even if he still went out partying with AJ. Brian thought that he needed a girl, but he had never seen Sweet D' date the one and same girl several times. He knew that Howie had an eye on one of the makeup girls named Sondra, but he was much too shy to hit on her.

Kevin, was exhausting himself. The flu had hit him pretty hard and he was still not entirely over that bug. He wanted everything to be perfect, and this he rubbed off to the rest of them. Ironically it was Kevin and Nick who wanted it all to do perfect! Brian knew that Kevin was also looking out for the group like a big brother and he had too many wrinkles on his forehead for someone that still was young. He also missed his girlfriend Kristen. Alot. But what bugged him the most was that he thought that their management was screwing them all. He was doing his best to try to find a legal loop hole in the contract so they could leave the Wright’s, but especially Lou Pearlman!

Brian had his own problems. Healthwise. His doctor wanted him to have surgery as soon as possible, but his management had refused. They were over booked, and he had to do this European tour before he could get under the knife. When Brian had tried to explain that this was not something that he could afford to be without, Lou had answered with an ultimatum. Push the date back or look for another job! In fact they could all look for another job!

The smiles. The Backstreet smiles that they plastered on their faces were all false. Not one time did they hint how desperate and sad they felt deep inside. No one could tell, and it was all part of the business-

Smile, smile, smile.

The smell of sickness hung low in the hotelroom and the patient in question, sat in bed propped up against several pillows, a tray on his legs. Hot steaming tea and two pieces of toast lay infront of him. "Johnny, I´m not sure that I can eat anything."

"You have to eat something so that you get better." Frowning he took in Nick’s pale complexion. It wasn´t too long ago that the boy had stopped turning his body inside and out and after a couple of hours of restless sleep, it was time to try and get some nutrition into the poor kid. It had been a violent but fast "bug".

"I can´t eat," the teen whined, sounding like a five year old, tears filling his eyes. He pushed the tray away, "I´m sorry." The voice was weak and shaky.

"It´s okay kid." Noticing Nick fidgeting in bed, looking uncomfortable he asked, "You need to go again?"

"No!" A hint of red spread on the boy’s cheeks.

"Hey it’s nothing to be ashamed of. We all have the runs sometime." Nick blushed even more. Looking at the kid with compassion Johnny felt sorry for him. Being sick was bad, but being sick stuck in a small hotel room thousands and thousands miles from home was down right awful. "What is it then?"

Nick blushed again, "Um..uh my ass hurts."

He sounded so patethic that Johnny had to smile, "Oh Nicky I´m sorry but I can´t do anything about that." A small chuckle escaped, "Maybe you can use baby tissues next time you have to wipe your ass."

"Ha ha ha, not funny," Nick muttered, "I don´t think that you would be laughing if you were in my shoes."

"Yes I know," Johnny patted him lightly on his shoulder, "Listen kid, I know that you feel bad, but I want you to try to rest up so you can manage it at the concert this evening."

Nick wanted to cry. He felt like "shit", but he still knew his obligations. No matter how bad he felt he wouldn´t be able to get out of that show. It wasn´t the first time he had preformed sick, and he guessed that it wouldn´t be his last either. Crawling deep under his warm, comforting covers he watched the older man walking around in the room, picking up clothes.

Nick smiled briefly.

"What?" Johnny asked, a bit puzzled, "Something wrong?"

"No," The teen shook his head, "I just thought it was kind of funny to see you act like my dad." Closing his mouth he awaited the reaction. 'Shit why did I have to say that?' Johnny didn´t like being laughed at and it wasn´t long ago that the manager had been on his case all the time. Eyes nervously fickered as he held his breath.

"Nick, I AM a dad!" the black man chuckled. A knock on the door interupted their conversation. It was probably one of the boy’s that came to see how their little brother were doing. The knock was persistant. "I´m coming." Johnny shouted back, opening the door, just to be met with his boss, Nick’s head manager Lou Pearlman.

"What do YOU want?"

"I came to see how Nick was doing."

Johnny contemplated whether or not he should shut the door in the manager’s face, then decided against it, "Don´t you think that you have done enough damage?" he hissed.

Narrowing his eyes, cold as stone, Lou commented, "Watch it Wright. I can just as easily make that call and you." He pointed at Johnny’s chest with the newspaper he had rolled up in his hand, "are gone..history!"

Upon hearing this, Johnny backed away letting the manager inside.

"I knew that you would come to your senses," Lou grinned and Johnny glared.

In his bed Nick watched the scenario, puzzled. Why were the manager’s acting so hostile towards each other? Did it have something to do with him? His thoughts were interrupted by Lou’s booming voice.

"Hi Nick. How are you feeling?" He walked up to the teen placing a hand on his forehead, not waiting for an answer he said, "You seem alot better and I´m sure that you will recover in no time." He sat down on the large armchair, "I´ll take over Nick for now, you go and grab some breakfast." He waved the manager away, "You go!"

Johnny snorted, suspecious over the sudden friendly touch that his boss showed. Shaking his head he said, "No I can order something up, besides Nick needs me."

Nick thinking that he was doing the men a favor said with a weak smile, "I feel much better, I can manage on my own."

"No," Johnny shook his head, suddenly feeling protective. It was something in Lou’s eyes that he didn´t like and he feared that the manger didn´t have all good intentions with his visit. "I´ll stay here with Nick."

“Don´t be so stubborn." Lou laughed, "You heard what the boy said. He is feeling better, besides me and Nick will manage fine." He looked at the teen who looked ready to crawl out of his skin. Sensing the fear he continued, "It´s nothing to be afraid of, you and me will just have a short talk."

"Okay," Nick didn´t believe him. Neither did Johnny. "No Lou I´ll stay. Nick might get sick again. He even said he didn´t feel that good, didn´t you kid?" He hinted towards Nick that he would follow his tracks but the kid was either stupid, feverish or plain scared.

"I am fine."

"Oh that is good." Lou laughed with a fake cheerfulness. "I told you that you would recover pretty fast from this flu bug." He ruffled Nicks hair. The teen stiffened.

"Flu my ass!" Johnny snorted.

"What did you say?" There was a hidden treath in his tone, "You go down and get something to eat, you look like you need some rest." Johnny was about to object when Lou added, "I´m going to talk to Nick ALONE."

"Okay." The manager knew when he was defeated, "I´ll be back soon," he said to Nick a bit guiltily. He really didn´t want to leave the kid in Mr. Pearlman’s hands.

Nick nodded. Ever since Johnny had taken care of him last night he had grown to like the manager a bit better. If someone had told either of the guys a few days earlier that they would actually talk to each other without biting their head off they would have laughed, saying that the person was crazy.

"Sooo," Lou said slowly when Johnny closed the door behind him, "You managed to catch another bug didn´t you?" The friendly cheerfulness was gone, replaced with a hard and icy tone.

"I..d I´m so..sorry," Nick stuttered, afraid that Lou would bash at him for the accident yesterday. "I..I didn´t..me...mean it. It..it just came." He blushed.

"Well next time you feel sick at least try to make it to the bathroom. Thing´s won´t get so messy then." With a sigh he continued, "You managed to disgrace yourself infront of the whole music industry. They thought that you were drunk and I had to explain to them that you had the flu." He stopped for the moment, "If they believed me I have no idea."

"Thank you," Nick squeeked. Even if Lou wasn´t high on his list he still felt bad for hosing him down. Thinking that he had gotten away with it all and that the manager wasn´t going to bawl him out, the man suddenly threw the newspaper on the bed infront of him. Nick frowned with surprise.

"But that doesn´t justify looking like THAT!" He pointed with hís thick finger on a picture at the front page.

Reluctantly Nick looked at the big picture. It was a photo of them in show and under and the head line was; "Backstreet Boys hits the floor: 1998’s Best Pop Group." To him it didn’t look that bad. Not understanding what the manager was aiming for he asked, "I think it looks pretty good."

"It does?" Lou said sarcastically, "Take a closer look then."

Stunned Nick obeyed the older man. Taking a closer look through bleary feverish eyes he stared at the oject infront of him. What he saw hitting him like a slap in his face!

The picture stared back at him with such violence that he could have puked on the spot. He looked like a fat whale! The clothes seemed to be several sizes too small. They were clinging to him like a second skin and he looked like he had a big beer belly. Eighteen years old and he looked like a complete mess!

What was worst was the sentences under the picture. The ones about him!

’Even if the group is on the top, the performance had little to desire. The youngest member in the group, Nick Carter’s performance was mediocre. The Backstreet Baby is getting fat and he was breathing heavily into the microphone. He better work on that excerise if he wants to stay on top for long.’

The words hit him worse than if someone had shot him. He looked away, not wanting to even touch the newspaper. It grossed him out. How could someone be so cruel to write such nasty things was beyond his imagination! Didn´t they know that he was a human like everyone else, even if he was famous? It hurt him so much that he felt his eyes prick with tears.

Was he that fat and ugly?

Sensing Nick’s depressed mood Lou filled it up even more, "There you go Nicky, now you maybe see that we are not the only ones noticing that you are putting on too much weight." Staring at the teen he continued, "You better do something about your weight or you will end up looking like Elvis..in his later years." He chuckled at his own joke.

'Like you are the one that should talk fat bastard,' Nick thought, wiping his nose and eyes with the back of his hand. This was one of his worst nightmares. He had tried so hard to loose the pounds he had put on, yet he always ended up overeating again. It was a viscous circle that he couldn´t get out from.

He needed help!

A hand touched his shoulder. "Boy, I know it is hard to loose weight." The manager’s voice held a false tone of compassion. Nick nodded, holding his head down. Lou used the moment, "But I can help you."

Nick still not looking up muttered, "Yeah right, I will always be a fatass!" Life sucked so bad. He felt like he would becoming physically ill from being disgusted with himself. 'Why can’t people ever give me break?' he thought, feeling down.

"No," Lou squeezed the teen’s shoulder. "I know a substance that you can drink. It´s not painful and you loose weight at the same time as you can eat all that you want."

The words held Nick’s interest, "Really?" He couldn´t believe what he was hearing. Was there actually a way to get rid of his fat without having to starve himself? Could he actually eat normally? "Is it dangerous?"

"No," Lou shook his head. "This is something that models often do, so it´s safe." He smiled friendly towards the young teen, noticing the excitement in the teen’s blue eyes.

"Then what is it? What is the secret formula?" Nick looked like a kid on Christmas Eve.

"Well actually I have it here but.." the manager stopped for a moment, "But I´m not too sure that you should use it."

"Why?" Nick was almost screaming in that high tone that he did when he was either nervous or upset. "You said that it wasn´t dangerous or anything. Why can´t I use it?" There were a sigh of disappointment.

"Because it may cause you a little discomfort."

"What discomfort?" Nick sounded suspescious. "Will I get sick?"

"Oh noo, nothing like that. No no, it is more that it MIGHT cause you a little bit of an upset stomach. That is all." He smiled comfortingly towards the teen.

"Ok," Nick thought for a moment, "I guess that I can live with that, as long as I don´t get sick," he added with the speed of light.

The manager shook his head again, "No you won´t. But I don´t want you to say anything to anyone about this."

"Why?"

"Because I think that the other boys have more important things on their mind than being concerned over that you are on a diet. Don´t you think so too, Nick?"

Scratching his head the teen mumbled, "Yeah I guess you´re right."

"Good." Lou smiled, patting the teen on his head, "then this is a deal between us two."

"Does Johnny know about this?"

"Yes," Lou nodded, "and he thinks that it is a good method too."

"He does?" Nick thought again, 'If Johnny thinks it is okay then it has to be. He never trusted Lou, but Johnny had proved to be pretty cool taking care of him and if the black man said that something was okay it was'. "Okay done deal then." He smiled. "Where is that magic stuff?" He looked expectantly over at the manager. "Are you hiding it?"

"Noo," Lou laughed, "as a matter of fact you already have it."

"I do?" Nick seemed confused.

"Yes, it is that small bottle that I handed to you yesterday."

Nick jerked back,uttering with a shrill voice, "You mean that stuff that made me sooo sick! There is no way that I´m touching that stuff." Disappointment as well as fright shone in his eyes, seeing his only chance to get slim go down the drain.

"Calm down boy," Lou said putting his hand on Nick’s shoulder, but the damage was already done. Nick shrugged away. "Calm down no one wants to hurt you."

"Yeah," he muttered, "tell that to my stomach." He winced as the memory of the past 12 hours of hell flashed up infront of him.

"Son." Lou narrowed his eyes, "do I look like someone that wants to hurt you?"

Nick fidgeted uncomfortably, not knowing what to say or do. His intuition told him that Lou was not being nice to him, but his mind said that his manager would do nothing to hurt him. "No, I guess not." Nick mumbled, not looking the manager in his eyes.

"Good, well I thought so." Lou smiled. "The reason why you got so sick is beacuse the liquid flushed all that fat enzymes out of your system. Pretty soon you will be cleaned out and then you will loose weight!"

"Cleaned out?" Nick frowned. This sounded more and more disgusting. GROSS!!! He thought about backing out.

Sensing this Lou said quickly,"Don´t worry son, if you dont like it I promise that you can stop, okay? Just give it a chance first!"

Nodding, Nick bit his lip. He really didn´t want to do this, but he felt like he had no choice. He wanted, he needed to become thin, or else the fans and everybody would stop liking him. Stop loving him. He needed the attention!

"Okay I´ll do it." Nick mumbled, swallowing hard.

"Good," Lou grinned, "where did you put that bottle?"

"In my backpack," Nick said with certain hesitation.

"Okay," Lou searched down his backpack before coming up with the wanted item."You won´t regret this" he patted the bottle like it was a jewelery. Then he handed it over to Nick who accepted it with hesitation, "Go on," Lou urged the teen, smiling towards him.

Taking the small plastic bottle, Nick looked at it before turning the cap off, taking a small taste. 'I hope you´re right, I really do!'

Sprawled on the couch, AJ looked up from the magazine he had been reading, watching Nick pick his way carefully down the aisle of the moving tour bus. There was something different about him, but AJ couldn’t put his finger on what. “Kaos, my little friend, how the fuck are you?”

Instead of the normal quick witted reply back from the blonde, Nick grunted and took the first seat sitting down quickly, bowing his head forward.

“Don’t you feel good buddy?”

Running his had quickly through his uncombed hair, Nick mumbled.

“What did you say?”

Sighing, he swallowed before he could speak. “I’m okay, just a little tired I guess.”

AJ arched an eyebrow as he studied his brother. “You’re not coming down with something again are you?”

The sound of the tires slapping the pavement was the only audible sound as Nick slowly shook his head. He didn’t feel good, but there was no way he would say anything to anyone about it, especially Mr. Pearlman. It wasn’t that he felt sick, Nick thought. It was more that he felt drained, weak and unsteady on his feet at times. He had been following the obese managers directions with the miracle weight loss drink for the past week, only taking small sips and riding out the effects several hours later. His stomach would cramp up and then he would find himself sitting on the throne for about thirty minutes and then he was done.

He had been sworn to secrecy about this miracle diet and Nick wouldn’t dare leak what was going on to his brothers. They would have to kill him to get him to break his agreement witht he manager. He had just finished another bout of diarrhea, compliments of the miracle drink and Nick decided that he was feeling this way because of it.

Although he had been following the instructions, Nick felt that he hadn’t lost a single pound. It took him a day before his stomach had finally settled down after the nonstop vomiting from the flu bug, and he was careful about what he ate and had even stopped snacking. His stomach seemed more bloated today than it had ever been. He rubbed it, trying to calm it down.

AJ picked up on the teen’s actions, grinning. “So when did you say you were due again?”

“Huh?”

AJ stood up and gestured at Nick’s stomach. “The baby, when is it coming again?”

“Leave me the hell alone!” Nick growled.

AJ snickered and stuck his stomach out, waddling as he walked toward the back of the bus.

“Asshole,” Nick mumbled, trying to fight off the tears he felt stinging his eyes. He pulled his tee shirt away from his stomach, hoping to fluff it away from clinging onto his body.

“What the heck has gotten into Bone?”

Closing his eyes, Nick groaned. He didn’t need to have someone else pick on him this afternoon and now Howie was getting involved.

“He was walking around by the kitchenette acting like he was pregnant or something and kept babbling on about pickles.”

“Who knows... he’s a psycho.”

“Nick you don’t look like you feel so hot,” Brian stated as he approached the teen. He placed a hand out to feel Nick’s forehead but was quickly slapped away.

”Don’t,” Nick hissed.

Looking dejected, Brian said in a soft voice, “I was only gonna see if you had a fever.”

Shaking his head, Nick sighed. “As if it would make a difference.”

Brian took the unoccupied seat next to his little brother. “I heard you in the bathroom this morning. I’m about ready to tell Johnny that you need a break for a few days. How long have you been sick?”

Groaning, Nick grabbed his ball cap and shoved it on his head, lowering the bill over his face. “I’m fine.”

“Nick, you could get dehydrated. This is something that could be serious...”

”I said I was fine!”

“Guys, we’re gonna be at the hotel in roughly ten more minutes,” Lou Pearlman warned as he walked into the seating quarters on the tour bus.

“Mr. Pearlman, I’m worried about Nick--”

“You’re always worrying about the boy,” the fat manager sighed. “What about now?”

Brian’s face turned a shade of crimson when he started telling the manager about Nick’s constant bouts of diarrhea.

“Foreign food does that to you. Carter just eats past his limits sometimes, I wouldn’t read into it,” Lou offered, looking at the young blond slouched in his seat. “Right Nickolas?”

“Yeah.” The reply was muffled by the ball cap that was laying over his face. He wished he the floor of the bus would open up and swallow him. Nick wondered how much more humiliation would be heaped on him. The next comment brought tears to his eyes.

“Carter, you look a little chunkier today. What have you been eating?”

Nick quickly jerked the hat off his face, glaring at the obese manager. ”You know exactly what I’ve been eating!”

Lou shifted his weight nervously as he stared at the boy, his mouth agape. Brian and Howie exchanged glances.

“Something going on--”

“Just skip it!” the manager interrupted. “Get your gear around, I don’t want to wait for you people when we arrive at the hotel!”

With that, the fat man quickly turned and waddled off towards the back of the bus.

Nick laid in the bed staring at the red glowing numbers on the night stand. The brilliant glow seemingly mocked not only the time but that fact that someone was actually awake and staring at the digits at this god forsaken hour of the night.

2:48

Rubbing his face as he listened to the steady hisses from Brian’s labored breaths, Nick turned over for practically the fortieth time in a span of fifteen minutes; placing a pillow tightly over his head. Evil thoughts sprung into his mind on how to silence his bandmate’s quiet snores.

Taking the pillow from his head, Nick tossed it over towards Brian’s side of the room. Leaning over to the night stand, he quietly slid the drawer open and grabbed his wallet.

He was bored, he couldn’t sleep, and his body was screwed up with the time changes. There was only one thing that Nick Carter did at night in a hotel when he was bored.

Raid the vending machines.

Dressed in boxers and an over sized tee shirt, Nick padded quietly to the door, grabbing the room card off the dresser as he walked by. Opening the door slightly, he peered out looking up and down the hall, mentally praying that it would be deserted. Only when he decided when the coast was clear did he leave his safe haven, wallet clutched tightly in his hand.

It only took a few moments before Nick spied the small room that contained the soda and snack vending machines. He was relieved to discover that it was tucked in a dead end hall.

Quickly slipping in paper currency, he started punching random numbers, not caring what type of snacks dropped to the bottom of the machine. After selecting several cans of soda, the money in his wallet was finally exhausted.

Hopes for slipping back into the hotel room unnoticed were quickly foiled when Nick heard voices further down the hall. Ducking behind a laundry cart, he squatted, hoping that the noises the chip bags in his arms made weren’t heard by the people that were walking near his hiding spot. His heart sank when he recognized the voice belonging to Lou Pearlman.

‘Shit don’t see me,’ Nick mentally cried; closing his eyes tight, as if that would help conceal him.

“Boy what you doing hiding?”

“I-I h-heard voices and I-I d-didn’t want to be seen,” Nick stammered his explanation, shifting his arms around the bags of snacks, soda cans still tucked under his arms.

“A bit hungry?”

Nick sighed. “I’m sorry. I couldn’t help it. Brian was snoring and I couldn’t sleep.”

“There’s no need to apologize to me son. I was just coming back from the hotel restaurant,” Lou replied, pulling a white handercheif from his pocket. Nick watched as the fat manager ran the cloth over his sweaty face. “If you weren’t dressed in your pajamas, I would take you down there.”

“Now? It’s like three in the morning. Besides, I’m suppose to be on a diet, remember?”

“That’s nonesence Nick, remember what I told you about the miracle drink? You can eat whatever you want.” The fat man gestured with his chubby index finger. “Come back with me to my room. I’ll order some room service. You’re probably starving.”

Nick hesitated, unsure of the manager’s intentions. “Oh, I don’t know, it’s late and stuff. I’ll just go back to my room and go to bed.”

The manager cast an evil glare at the young teen. “What I just said wasn’t a request. Come with me now!”

Reluctantly, Nick followed the manager’s orders and walked with him back to the hotel room. “Wow.... you have a nice room.”

“Suite,” Pearlman corrected as he laid the room card down on the dresser. He turned and stared at the blond, holding the snacks in his hands. “Put those down, I’m going to order some food. You can eat those as an appetizer.” Seeing Nick hesitate, the manager urged him. “Go ahead son, eat up.”

The fat manager knew what he was doing to the young man was wrong, but in his sick mind, he felt that he was obligated to teach Nick a lesson. He was going to make sure that the boy literally ate until he felt sick.

”I said I’ll be out in a sec, okay?” Nick growled in response to the pounding on the bathroom door. He had been held captive in the facilities for the past fifteen minutes when a bout of diarrhea struck him for the fifth time that morning. He mentally cursed the manager’s idea of the heavy meal in the middle of the night. Lou made him eat way past full and then insisted he drink the special drink to flush his system of the meal.

”You can eat anything you want Nick, but you have to drink this right away or it will turn into fat.” The manager’s words from last night echoed in his head.

”NICK GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE SO WE CAN DO THIS GODDAMN SHOOT!”

“What the hell crawled up your ASS?”

”YOU DID..... GET OUT OF THE RESTROOM NOW!”

“Why are you being such a hardass to me Kev?” Nick asked as he opened the bathroom door.

“Because I told Kristen I would be calling her at 1:00 and you’re dinking around is going to put us way past schedule. You look like shit.”

“God, why are you picking on me?” A loud burp escaped his mouth, prompting Nick to quickly slap his hand over his mouth.

”Clean up your act... there are people watching you,” Kevin hissed as he grabbed his young brother by an arm.

“YO NICKSTER!” AJ whooped as Nick and Kevin entered the studio. “Hey you look like shit.”

“Are you feeling alright?” Howie questioned as he watched Nick slowly sit down.

Nick waved the Latino off. “I’m fine, my stomach is really upset this morning.” He burped with his mouth closed as if his body was trying to convince Howie how he felt.

“I don’t want to sound mean, but Lou was right when he said something about Nick looking a little heavier,” Brian whispered in his cousin’s ear.

“Well, Nick is trying to blame his overeating on people now,” Kevin replied, sighing.

Brian raised an eyebrow as he trained his vision toward Nick across the room. “He is?”

“Yeah, he said that Mr. Pearlman forced him to eat a huge meal this morning at four o’clock.”

Brian shook his head. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“I wished I was but that’s Nick’s excuse now. So I supose if he starts packing more weight on he’ll come up with Mr. Pearlman wanted me to get fat or something dumb like that.”

“Hey I need to go to the restroom,” Nick announced as he stood up.

“Oh no you don’t,” Kevin hissed. “Stay put. This will be over soon enough.”

“B-but I have to go bad and they haven’t started yet.”

“Okay, Nick I’d like you to sit on the red stool, please.”

Reluctantly, Nick followed the photographer’s directions, taking the assigned seat.

“Howie, you take the stool next to Nick.”

Nick moaned and softly rubbed his stomach as it started to churn. If it wasn’t his stomach churning, the gas that bloated his stomach was trying to find an escape route either upwards or down and he knew that to fart right now was not only unpractical, it could be a lethal decision.

“Nick, I need you to stand up again so I can adjust the stool.”

Obeying, Nick slowly managed to a standing position. He could feel his stomach trying to tell him that something was wrong and it needed relief one way or another. “I’ll be right back.”

“No you don’t Nick, stay where you are!” Kevin directed.

Sitting down once again, Nick waited patiently for the rest of his bandmates to be situated for the first in a series of ten of the pose the photographer desired. He wanted desperately to run to the bathroom; more importantly, he wanted to run his fingers through his aching scalp. He knew both was something that would only delay the session longer.

The bathroom because he would be away from the camera, the latter because he would have messed his hair up again.

“Good.... okay everyone sit with serious faces...” the photographer droned on as he clicked away picture after picture of the five young men. He noticed that the ‘heartthrob’ of the group seemed to be out of sorts this morning. Looking through the viewfinder, he also noticed that the heartthrob was also starting to look chubby.

“Okay.. now a few more and we can have a change in positions. Slight smiles now people,” the man ordered as he busily started clicking away on the camera. “Nick.... I said said to smile now, not hard.”

Acting came in handy this morning for Nick. As bloated and sick as his stomach felt, he managed the innocent smile the photog was desiring. The innocent smile was hiding the evil thoughts that were floating around in his brian. He needed relief and there was two ways to get it. He knew he wouldn’t be allowed time to get up and use the bathroom but Nick wondered if maybe he’d feel better if he let a little gas escape, take the pressure off his protesting stomach.

Thankfully, the fart was quiet but the innocence of his deeds did not go unnoticed. Shifting on the stool, Nick coughed, embarrassment stained his cheeks.

”OH MY GOD!” AJ rasped, pulling his shirt over his mouth and nose. ”WHO THE FUCK DIED!?”

”AJJEE!”

Kevin growled.

“Wasn’t me dude,” AJ defended, holding his hands up in the air.

Nick caught Howie’s look from the corner of his eyes, wishing he could crawl off the stool and to freedom behind a closed door. He casually waved his hand behind him, trying to fan the smell away from the group.

“Who the heck floated the air biscuit?” Brian scowled, directing his looks at AJ.

“Why the hell do you people always assume it’s me?” AJ barked. “Besides, Brian, it’s called FARTING get the term right. FART or SHIT YOUR PANTS! I bet Kaos laid that one out. Did you mess your pants?”

“I don’t feel so good,” Nick mumbled, trying to ignore the photographers glare.

“Well thanks to you kid, none of us feel good anymore!” AJ grumbled, standing up from the stool watching as Kevin rushed over to the windows, promptly opening several.

“God, we need to take a ten minute break. Change into your next outfit,” the photographer huffed, setting his camera ontop of a table as he turned to leave the room.

“Like ten minutes will clear this room,” AJ mumbled as he drew a cigarette and his lighter from his back pocket. Brian quickly clamped a hand on the tatooed man’s forearm.

“NO! There’s gas leakage in here!”

“I have your revised sche.....what the hell died in here?” Johnny questioned as he entered the studio.

”NICK!” came the unanimous response.

Since he was already blamed for his deed and he still had a cramp in his lower pelvic region, Nick allowed another fart to escape. This time it wasn’t quiet.

”PHHHHFFFFFTTTT.”

AJ made fake gagging noises and quickly put his shirt over his mouth and nose, bolting for the door. Howie jumped up, knocking his stool onto the floor, following his best friend.

“Way to clear out the room kiddo,” Johnny glared.

“Bri and me are going to get changed for the next set. Nick see if you can control your bodily functions so we can get the hell out of here,” Kevin spat as he trudged out of the room.

The black manager stared at the blond sitting on the stool, embarrassement clearly etched on the teen’s face. “Care to explain why you’ve lost all of your manners this morning?”

Nick shrugged his shoulders. “My stomach is bothering me.”

Johnny frowned. “Why is that?”

“You know....that drink.”

“What drink? Did you go out with D and Bone clubbing or something?”

Nick ran a tired hand through his hair. ”NO! You know... it’s that drink the diet thing Mr. Pearlman wants me on.”

Johnny could feel his heart pounding in his chest. Pounding from fear and from anger. “You shouldn’t be farting when you’ve been drinking that drink then. It could have disasterous consequences.”

“I know, but I couldn’t stop it,” Nick explained.

“Well, I guess when you have an empty stomach it probably makes it worse,” Johnny advised as he started thumbing through the schedule.

“My stomach wasn’t empty though.”

The manager’s head jerked up. “What?”

“Mr. Pearlman stuffed me with food last night. He told me to keep eating way past full. I told him I was hurting but he forced me to keep eating. No one believes me, but it’s true. I didn’t do this by choice.”

“That sonofabitch,” Johnny breathed.

“Can I be excused? I need to go to the bathroom bad,” Nick squeaked.

“Yes, please do that, and you better get dressed for the next set.”

Johnny watched the young teen make a fast exit from the room toward the facilities. Heat from anger flushed his face. He needed to speak with Pearlman about the recent stunt he had pulled on the innocent kid. Threats or no threats held against him, Johnny morally had to do something before the boy gets hurt.

He had to plea his case and hopefully Lou Pearlman would listen.

"Where is da stinkbomb?" Brian grinned when he made his way out to the back to the bus. With his words he was referring to the disaster that Nick had done earlier in the day, when he had cleared a whole room at the photo shoot. That was something that only Nick could do, and even if he thought it was disgusting at the time being he laughed about it now.

Howie was slouching on the sofa in the back, reading a book with his headphones on. He looked up when the younger man entered the premises, "Huh?" He pulled off the headphones, turning off the walkman. "What did you say?"

"The Fartman!" Brian laughed, noticing Howie’s confused look. "NICK," he clarified with a sigh. Howie could be so slow sometimes. Too slow.

"Oh," Howie pointed with his tumb towards the bunkbeds. "He went to take a nap. Said his stomach was still upset."

"He did?" There was concern etched on Brian’s forehead. "Nick has had that stomach bug way too long, maybe he should go and see a doctor."

"Yeah I know," Howie sighed, turning attention back to his book.

Brian wasn´t about to leave that alone, "I´m going to talk to Johnny about this. He will run out of energy if he keeps up this pace." Brian shook his head, worried, "this schedule is tough, too tough for Nick to handle."

"I agree on that," Howie mumbled from his corner, "maybe Kev can have a talk to Lou so Nick could get a few days off." The oldest bandmember was often used to go and tell the management the other’s opinion.

"Kev?" Brian asked a surprised, "I don´t think that he and Lou have the best relations after the awards show night. Kev thinks that Lou is an ass."

"So what’s new?" Howie sighed, putting on his earphones again. If there were one thing that the Latino didn´t like, it was when there were conflicts in the air. And recently there had been too many. It was partly because they had been on the road for over a month spending 24/7 together. But it was also because the schedule was way too stressed. That they had also been attacked by all sorts of germs didn´t actually improve the situation

Sensing this, Brian decided to change the subject. "What are you reading?"

"A thriller," Howie held up the book so Brian could see the title.

"Okay," there wasn’t any real interest, yet Brian forced himself to say, "What is it about?"

Howie, happy to be able to talk about something else besides Nick’s alleged illness, quickly told about the contents. Brian on the other hand was just listening with half an ear. His thoughts kept trailing off to his "little brother". There was something off with him and as soon as Nick would wake up he would encounter him about his "problems". They rarely kept any secrets to each other and getting to live together so close for such a long time they knew each other pretty well. And now Brian knew that there was more than meets the eye with Nick, he could just tell.

Kevin, coming out from the small bathroom, was the one that saved Brian from a safe death of boredom. Once Kevin or Howie got started to tell something that they thought was important for the rest of the world to know there was no hitting the ‘off’ button. They had all different ways to meet this. Brian usually told a joke, AJ left the room and Nick, he either spaced out or said in a whining manner that they were boring him. Nick and AJ´s frank way always got them in trouble.

"What are you guys doing?" the older man asked, picking up a can of beer from the counter. He pushed Howie’s feet off the sofa, sitting down.

Brian, sick and tired of listening to Howie, but also concerned for life in general sneered a bit too forceful, "What does it look like we’re doing?" He loved his cousin, but sometimes Kevin could ask such stupid questions. "We´re having a party!"

Rolling his eyes, Kevin said nothing. Instead he turned on the tv, French news blasting at him. Even if he didn´t understand that much he still left the tv on. If they were in France they could at least educate themselves a little on the language, besides Kevin and Howie liked being a bit intellectual. Trying and learning new things.

AJ, who was dosing in his bunkbed, yelled irritated, "Turn off that piece of shit! There are people trying to sleep here!" He was in no mood to listen to someone that sounded like they had swallowed a hot potato.

In protest, Kevin turned up the volume, ignoring the resting man’s request.

"What the hell!" the young man burst out, "Didn´t you hear me? Turn off that piece of shit before I throw the tv out off the bus." AJ was not in a good mood, mainly because the walls were starting to close in on him and he longed for a break. He also had a fight with Amanda and his girlfriend had claimed that someone was talking out on something called Groupie net, about his little escapades. Life was turning it´s back on AJ, slowly.

"Watch your language," Kevin responded, still ignoring Bone.

Both Howie and Brian sensed that this was the beginning of a conflict and Brian tried to snatch the controller from his cousin’s hand.

"Don´t," there was a warning tone in the voice as the Kentuckian gave away a glare. Turning his attention back to AJ,"It wouldn´t hurt you if you got some education."

"Yeah right," AJ muttered, "But not listening to that piece of crap!" He was in such a foul mood. Due to Nick’s unfortunate condition, the photoshoot had been delayed several times, and even though he felt bad for his friend he was still pissed that the teen had managed to stall it all. He had been running back and forth to the restroom and when he finally was in a shape to take those pics he had complained that he was feeling dizzy. This had set both Brian and Howie in for a fit and they had demanded that nothing would be done before they got something to eat. Then when they finally sat down to eat, all Nick did just pick at his food and this had the rest of the guys even more concerned. They were all late to the next city and now they had to go non stop so they could make it to Lyon and tonights concert. AJ was pissed because he thought that it was all getting on his nerves. This life! Always having to take into consideration to everyone else. It sucked!

Also added to the fact was that he wanted to have some privacy to speak to Amanda to talk to her, to explain the situation. It was his bad concidence that was hunting him too and it ached in his heart when he thought about how he was hurting Amanda. She had been so upset that she said that she was going to end their relationship if he didn´t stop cheating on her. But telling AJ to stop flirting was like telling someone to stop breathing. It was part of his life.

And now Kevin was on his case with some French shit!

"You´re never taking anyone into consideration," Kevin stated, refusing to turn off the tv. "God you sometimes act so immature."

"Like you´re the one to talk," AJ sneered. "You´re always trying to be a know it all when you don´t know damn shit."

Kevin glared at AJ and soon the fight was at full force. They were screaming at each other, calling each other names and saying stuff that they knew that they each would regret later. But in the heat of the fight, feelings was not something that they cared about.

“Shhh," Brian said when they were yelling at each other a bit too loud. The voices drowned what the French lady said, not that anybody cared. "You´re waking Kaos up."

Usually this aspect would have been taken into consideration, but now both men were way too agitated. Touring was taking both the best and the worst out of them and spending all the time together was testing their nerves and friendship.

Finally Howie was getting fed up with the situation, "Stop it! You act like two toddlers fighting over a toy." He rubbed his hand tiredly over his face. "I know that this is getting to all of us, but we have to try to get along or we might as well call this quits.” Turning to Kevin he said sarcasticaly, "You really act your age."

Kevin glared irritated, stopping immediatly. Howie or ‘Sweet D’ rarely butted into a situation, but when he did he was always very upset. AJ grinned, thinking that he had won.

Noticing this Howie sneered, "And you, Bone, better wipe that smug grin off your face. You are acting like an ass."

A snort was heard. The younger man turned his back towards the gang, flipping Kevin off in the process. This gesture was taking house in hell and if it weren´t for Brian holding his cousins arm down, a fistfight would have broke out.

"Hey you better watch that attitude," Kevin barked, ready to show AJ who was boss. He clenched his fist, getting ready to mentally punch AJ out.

"Take it easy," Brian tried to calm his cousin down. Kevin jerked his arm back, almost hitting Brian in the face in the process.

"Watch it!"

Kevin was about to defend himself when a sleepy voice was heard from the top bunkbeds. "Stop it or I will cut one..I swear." There was a brief pause as the guys looked up at the bed where the voice had come from, "and I tell you that this one will definately clear the bus!"

Upon hearing this the guys started to chuckle. It was so like Nick to break the tension, ‘Release the pressure.’ Laughter was heard in the bus when Brian yelled, "NOOOO Not another gas attack!" He ducked, taking cover.

The tension that had flooded in the bus was suddenly gone, replaced with several jokes about Nick’s predicament. If there was something that could cheer up a situation it was when they told bathroom jokes or picked on their youngest band member. This time they could kill two birds.

Nick on the other hand was not so happy. He had once again used his own discomfort to make other people happy. It was something he did when people fought. He would show his own mistakes to get other people to laugh. The truth was that Nick didn´t like tension or conflicts. It always made him feel so unsure and everytime there was a big fight between the guys he got a lump in his throat. What if they became such enemies that they would end the group? That was his worst fear. That the Backstreet Boys would be over and he wouldn´t be able to be together with his brothers. Everytime he thought about this it felt like he would choke.

He groaned. His stomach was still churning, altough he couldn´t tell from what. That health drink was making him sick and going to the bathroom ten times in a day and Nick thought it was a bit too high of a price to pay for loosing weight. Damned Lou, if this was what his life was going to be, feeling shitty, he would rather quit this dieting and became a happy and healthy fatso instead.

Besides, he didn´t think that he was THAT fat either!

Dark thoughts were occupying his mind when he suddenly remembered that Lou had told him that this was just a try. That he could quit the dieting anytime that he wanted to. He had to go and talk to Lou, tell him how bad he felt and that this wasn´t worth it. He couldn´t go on like this, feeling like everytime he moved he would either shit his pants or bend over from cramps. If the fans knew that the new pelvic thrust that he did had nothing to do with being sexy they would pass out. From shock.

He chuckled to himself.

"What are you grinning at?" AJ asked from the bunk below. "Are you hearing voices?"

Irritated to be disturbed with such a stupid question he sneered back, "Yeah yours, dumbass!"

"Hey stupid. Watch it!"

Now Nick was getting AJ´s irritation over Kevins bossing around, and before the teen could react, a tennis shoe came flying nearly hitting him in the head.

"OUCH!" He drawled, feeling hurt from the offending movement," Why did you have to do that?" There were loads of accusation in his tone.

"Because," AJ snarled, "I´m so fucking tired of your stupid comments." He banged his fist against the wall, "This fucking bus is getting on my fucking nerves." He sounded like he was close to having a nervous breakdown.

"Watch your language." Kevin responded irritated, the tension back in the air again. Nick could hear Brian and Howie talking in the back, trying to get AJ to calm down. The teen did his best too.

"What´s eating your ass?"

"YOU!" AJ growled at Nick, still banging his fist against the wall. Frustrated. "You and this whole fucking business! FUCK!" He shouted, "This is NOOO LIFE!"

"Ajeeee!"

"I´m just so tired of this." AJ growled, his tears brimming in his eyes. It was clear that the stress had finally gotten to the young man and soon both Kevin and Howie tried to calm him down. As always it was Sweet D' with his soft and calm voice that managed to get AJ to chill out. Even though he and Kevin had been in a fight earlier AJ still had respect for the older man and he listened as Kevin told him that they were all feeling like this, but that they had to straighten up. This time the skinny man listened without objecting.

Brian sensing that the rest of the guys needed to be alone to talk said to Nick in a cheerful tone, "Come on let´s play a game of Nintendo."

Nick thought for a moment, then he said, "Sure, but be prepared. I´m going to kick your ass."

"You wish!" Brian grinned.

Nick smiled too. Still there was nothing that beat spending time with Brian. They were Frick and Frack. Inseperable.

But the moment he jumped down from the bunk he realized that not everything was fine. His stomach was doing flip flops again and he felt the porcelain phone calling his name, "I´m just going to the toilet first," Nick said walking over to the small bathroom, closing the door behind him. Outside Brian shook his head. Something was definatly off with his friend. And he intended to find out what!

It was past midnight and the boys had just came back from the venue. Kevin, AJ and Howie were too wired to go to sleep so they had decided to go clubbing. Brian had turned down the offer, saying that he would stay and watch a video with Nick. But then Leigh Anne had called and Nick felt left out.

Standing in the hallway of the small middle class hotel, Nick felt nervous. He was licking his lips, his hands clammy and sweaty. Cold sweatdrops were dotting his forehead. He had finally mustered the courage to talk to Lou about the new diet. And now he felt scared. For some strange reason the overweight manager always made him feel uncomfortable and small.

To his relief his stomach had finally calmed down before the concert and he could perform without any bigger mishaps happening. He hadn´t dare eat anything, in case his stomach would rebel again and now he was as hungry as a wolf. He stole some glances over at the vending machines. Maybe he should get a snack or two. Couldn´t hurt, could it? But then he was reminded of the cruel over eating he had encountered during the night with Lou and he decided against it. Spending the whole day running back and forth to restrooms was not his type of fun.

'Deep breaths.....deep breaths.’ Nick mentally prepared himself. ‘Come on Nick you can do this!' This was something that he had learned to do before concerts when his nerves were on a high wire. It helped him calm down, relax and afterwards he felt so much better. But then those times he didn´t have to meet Lou Pearlman!

Knocking at the door he started to think that this was a bad descision. What if the manager would be mad at him? He had nearly given up his task when the door opened and the managers face came to view. Nick’s stomach clenched. From fear.

"Nick?" the manager sounded surprised. "What do YOU want?" He was holding a whiskey glass in his hand and his pig like eyes bored into him with Nick backing away, unvoluntarily.

"Eh..eh..I´m..uh..I´m," the teen stuttered, mentally cursing himself for not getting the words out. Why did he always have to sound like such a dumbass when there was something important to say? Why couldn´t he be cool like AJ who always, almost always, had the situation under control?

"Speak up boy!" Lou said a bit irritated over being disturbed this late at night. He sipped on his drink before opening the door a bit further so Nick could look into the big hotel suite. "Come in."

Hesitating, Nick stood by the door. He was more and more starting to think that this was a bad decision and that he should back out while there was time. "So..sorry," he mumbled, looking down at his feet, "I have to..have to go."

But the manager didn´t want to hear such words.

"Nonsense," Lou mentioned with his hand for Nick to come inside, "Come in and tell me what is on your mind." There was a friendly touch in his words and for a moment Nick didn´t feel so ill at ease. Not daring to do anything else he followed the older man in.

"You want something to drink boy? Coke.... Sprite?" the manager asked, pouring some more whiskey into the glass.

"No," Nick shook his head. Even tough thirst and hunger was wracking his body he didn´t think that he could hold anything down in his stomach.

Sitting down in a large armchair the manager asked,"What was it that you wanted to talk to me about?" He gestured with his chubby hand for Nick to sit down. Not daring to do anything else, he sank down on the bed. Twisting his hands nervously he was desperately trying to find something to say, "Eh..uh..you know that diet..health drink that you..you gave me?"

"Yes?" Lou narrowed his eyes at Nick, giving the teen a feeling that his precence wasn´t wanted at all.

"It´s making me sick!" Nick spat out the words very fast, hoping that the manager wouldn´t make him answer any embarrassing questions.

"It does?" In Nick’s mind it looked like the manager rather enjoyed the awkward situation, "In what way?" Lou smiled.

Nick blushed. It was bad that he had an upset stomach, but sharing details with Mr. Pearlman he didn´t think was neccessary. "Eh..I have had to run to the bathroom all day."

"Oh I take it that you were nauseaous."

"NO!" God did he have to explain the situation to the manager too?

"Then what?" The manager knew very well what it was about but he looked like he enjoyed to see the boy squirm. Like a worm on the hook.

"I have..I have.. you know." Nick blushed violently.

"No I don´t," Lou smiled briefly, "What is it that you are trying to say boy?"

Nick shifted uncomfortably. The manger was trying to make him embarrassed, but he decided that he wouldn´t fall into that trap, "The health drink that you are giving me makes me have the shits." He draw back his breath, trying to buy time, "and I don´t want to take it anymore."

Lou chuckled. "Of course it is giving you diarrhea. That is because the fat is washing out of your system. This is a sure sign that the health drink is actually working. As soon as all that fat is out of your system you are starting to feel like new again." He paused, " And then you will start to loose weight."

"But..but I don´t want to get SICK anymore. This stuff is making me feel bad and I can´t have stomach cramps all the time. I can´t do my job." Nick’s voice was whiny and there was a hint of desperation too.

"Really?" Lou’s tone was a mixture of amusement and irritation. "Isn´t you the same one that spent the night in my hotel room snacking away?" There wasn’t friendliness in the words.

"Yes bu..."

The manager interrupted him before he was being able to fulfill his sentences. "What do you expect Nicky? Of course you get sick when you overeat like that."

"I didn´t overeat!" Now Nick was feeling his temper flare up.

"Well I wasn´t the one that forced them down your throat boy. You ate it all by yourself. Instead I made you realize the consequences over such overindulgence." Lou snapped, "You should thank me instead of blaming me for your own stupidity

Now Nick was getting really upset. The manager was accusing him for overeating when HE was the one that forced the food down his throat. This was so unfair. Nick felt like he wanted to cry. It had turned out to be a bad decision to talk to the manager and he wished he had never made such a stupid mistake.

"NO I won´t, it´s making me sick and I don´t want to take this anymore."

"What are you saying boy?" Lou’s eyes were cold. "Are you disobeying orders?"

Nick pleaded desperatly, "But..but you said that if I didn´t like it I could quit."

"I never said that!" The tone was firm as the manager set down his drink on the glass table. "Listen boy, you are turning into a fat slob and MY job is to see that you are looking presentable." He grabbed Nick’s worn out T-shirt, lifting it up so Nick’s belly was visible. "Look at that," he spat. "You need to loose lots of weight and if you don´t start now you will look like a giant baby that no one would even look twice at."

The words hurt more than he wanted to admit. It burned a hole into his soul and he had to swallow hard from not starting to cry in front of his manager. How could someone be so cruel?

"You better continue with that health drink or you will be in for trouble.... real trouble!" There was threat in the manager’s voice.

Nick sighed, looking down. He knew it! Lou hadn´t listened to him at all. Feeling a hand squeezing his shoulder he tensed. "Just follow my instructions and you will be fine." The manager grinned, "In fact I want you to weigh yourself in every third day so I see if you have gained or lost weight.

A chill ran down his spine. Lou was sick. Obsessed with his weight. He was feeling more and more trapped. In a game that he couldn´t win.

Lou had him in his snare.

Brian ran his hand through his tousled hair. He had a serious case of hot hair and no matter how much he worked on it this morning it would still look like he had put it in a tumbler. He seriously debated that if Leigh caught a hint of this she would send him to a dog trimmer!

His hair was not all that was going bad for Mr. Littrell that morning. Both he and Nick had overslept and since Nick had taken the place in the bathroom almost immediately, he had to dress and make himself presentable in the best way he could without any water or any hair products. He was also dying to use the wanted facilities and if he hadn´t been so tired he would have ran down the lobby to take a leak. The down point was that security was probably at breakfast this hour and the lobby would no doubt be swarming with fans trying to get a glimpse of them.

This was one of the many disadvantages of being a celebrity.

As usual when it came to Frick and Frack they were late for breakfast and they had about half an hour before they had to get on the bus to go to the next city and to the next concert. They had very little time to pack between the cities so Brian tried to keep it as neat as possible, using a sparse amount of clothes. The same couldn’t be said for his friend who was throwing stuff all around the hotel room as usual.

Looking around the mess in the room, Brian sighed deeply. This would take forever to clean up, but since Nick had spent his better part of the morning inside the tiled facilities and there was no chance of him getting out of there in the near future, Brian had dutifully started to pick it all up, throwing it into Nick’s suitcase. He wished that the young teen would think a step or two before creating another bomb explosion in their room. After all he wasn’t his mother who could be there to clean up after him!

While he was picking up socks and magazines and cd´s that Nick had "happened" to throw out on the floor because he was looking for just the right kind of item, he was calling out to the teen every so often. Just to hear if he was still alive.

Why would you otherwise spend a great deal inside a bathroom? Unless you were Howie fixing your hair!

With a frown he threw the last of the clothes in the suitcase, zipping it up. Mentally he decided that this was the last time he did his friend such a "favor." Next time he wouldn´t care if Nick left all his clothes in the hotel, or if he even got on the bus. It wasn´t the first time that he had decided to call it quits with giving a helping hand, just hours later withdrew his decision. Brian was by no meanings being a wuss, no, he was more helping his friend to cope with the business. Sometimes he wondered if it was all worth it. The music industry was dirty and Brian with his high standards thought it stinked at times.

Life could be too tough touring.

Lately he had been suffering from serious homesickness and there were times when he just wanted to buy a plane ticket back home and never set his foot into this job again. But then it always happened, something that made him change his mind. Often it was Nick doing a prank or two or meeting a fans that meant special to him and he was back on the road again.

Living out of a suitcase had become their life in the past years and if he could summon up all the downtime he had for the last two years, he recalled that it added up to like three months! Three months to spend with his friends and family over a 2 year period was way too little. Even Howie who loved being on the road had complained over this.

This tour was stressing them out and they were running around like they had fire in their pants, doing promotions and concerts all over Europe. The schedule was inhumane and the days off were numbered! All of the boys were used to running at high speed, but this was something out of the ordinary. Brian thought that this was worst for Nick. He was getting black and blue bags under his eyes from sleep deprivation and the happy smile that always toyed at his lips were rarely seen these days. This followed that the pranks that he had as a trade mark were not committed so often either. In short he didn´t recognize his friend! When trying to encounter this with Kevin, the tall man had told him that Nick was just being a normal teen with moodiness and raging hormones and that this was nothing to be concerned about. Coming from the most neurotic person in the group, Brian had left it at that.

After last nights hour long phone call with his girlfriend, Brian could have given anything to get back to the States. For a brief moment he thought about leaving it all, claiming that he had been abducted by aliens, but when Nick came back from one of his so called night walks strolling around in the hotel hallways acting like something was even more wrong than usual he had gotten really concerned.

Kaos was Kaos and he could do stuff that no ordinary person would ever think of. This time he had acted like the world’s problems weighed on his shoulders. Whenever Nick was feeling low or sick he had a habit of digging himself into a hole, this time it was something entirely different. It was like he was seriously depressed. Any attempt to cheer the teen up or talk failed. Instead Nick had pulled the covers over his head refusing to talk and finally Brian gave up. p>

Catching a glance at the travelclock on the bedstand he saw that they were late for breakfast. Neither Lou or Johnny would be happy over this. He had to get his friend out of the bathroom. Ratteling on the door handle he yelled, "Nick, come on. We´ve gotta get going." When there was no response he yelled, "Dude you´ve been in there for ages."

"Leave me alone!"

Brian pricked up his ears. He thought he heard Nick’s voice thick with tears. This had him even more worried, banging on the door, "Nick?"

An irritated groan was heard. "I said I´ll be done in a sec." Then there was a muffled mutter, " Jeeze can´t a man take a dump in peace in this place?"

Satisfied that his friend seemed to be fine, Brian chuckled, "Sure man, just don´t leave the bathroom stinking. I have to use it too when I get back." Being a male he never missed the opportunity to tease often done with a humorous touch of love.

"Dude, that you should have said before!" the teen mumbled from the other end and sound of a toilet roll razzle could be heard.

The Kentuckian laughed, "Well man at at least do me the favor to spray some airfreshner when you´re done." He heard a groan as a response. Smiling, Brian decided that it was enough teasing for the time being. "We´ve got to go now if we want any breakfast. Then we´re leaving for the bus in less than 30 minutes. You better hurry, you know that Lou and Johnny hate it when we are late. "

"Yeah, I know." The tone a bit subdued.

"Frack man, are you ok?" His friend was much too silent this morning for Brian not to feel concerned.

"Yes!"

"You sure? I mean it isn´t your stomach that is bothering you again. Is it? Are you still having the runs?"

"Noooo!" Embarrassment evident in his voice.

"Great," Brian chuckled. That was enough of making the teen blush. "I´m going to go down for breakfast, come when you´re ready. Okay?"

"Mhmm.."

Reluctantly Brian let go off the handle. His own stomach was growling from hunger and if he didn´t hurry up he would miss the breakfast. Picking up his wallet he asked, "You want me to bring you something back?"

"No," The voice was a bit muffled. "I´m not hungry."

If his friend’s action had Brian concerned, it was nothing compared to the words that were now uttered. "Not hungry?" There were suspecion in Brian’s voice, "You haven´t overindulged again, have you?"

"No!" The teens tone held an hint of annoyance. "I´m fine. I´ll eat something on the bus instead."

"Uh huh.. Well I´m going now, you sure that you have´t changed your mind?"

"No..Jeeze Bri drop it. I said GO!"

"Ok, ok man," Brian held up his hands in defense, "I´m going. We are on the second level in the breakfast room incase you change your mind."

"I heard you. Good." The voice held no enthusiasm and this had Brian a tad worried. Nick rarely missed out from food, not even when he was sick to his bones. He was afraid that the past days flu had taking it´s toll on his friend more than he cared to admit.

Opening the door he hesitated for a moment. Looking at the closed bathroom door he thought about giving one last shot to get the teen out when he heard the toilet flush and the water tap turn on. Smiling Brian decided that Nick would be just fine.

The moment Brian shut the door Nick went out from the bathroom. He knew that he had acted both immature and strange but sometimes he just needed time for himself. It was hard to be able to have any sort of privacy when you lived 24/7 with 4 guys and a large crew. Sneaking into a bathroom was the only luxury he could afford when it came to be being alone. He needed time to think. Sometimes when he was back in Florida he took the car, drove to the forest and then sat there listening to the birds. All alone. The ocean also provided him with that safe and relaxed feeling.

Last nights encounter left him feeling down. Lou had been on his case, as always, on his weight. It was like an obsession and he was afraid that the manager wouldn´t be satisfied until he was looking down right anorectic!

'That would be the day,' he thought sarcastically. Staring in the mirror in the hotel room he decided that it would never be the case. He was carrying too much weight and it would take years to get rid of this fat. Disgusted, Nick pinched at his stomach. No matter how much he worked out he still had his father’s belly.

It was a curse. The Carter curse.

Thinking back off the past days cleaning out ritual, he picked up the small bottle from the backpack. Staring at it he decided to let that fatso Lou see who was in charge. There was no way that he was going to run after the ball as soon as the manager yelled "Fetch!" Unscrewing the bottle, he walked into the bathroom, bending over he made himself ready to pour away the substance. Once for all getting away from that crap.

Suddenly he stopped himself.

Should he trash it or should he take it? Mentally he debated if he was doing the right thing. His mind told him that he should trash it, but his self confidence told him that he had to loose the weight. He needed to be slim and stay in shape so he could keep on making his fans and management happy. No one loved a fat slob!

The nasty words the management had spat at him, and that article combined with his friends snide comments and his own need to be loved proved to be too much. His inner struggle was ripping his heart apart. He felt like he had no choice but to continue with the painful dieting.

The deamons were eating him up from inside.

In surreal slow motion he held the bottle to his lips, taking a taste even though he knew that it would make him sick. "Damned Lou," he cried out. Tears rolled down his cheeks and he felt disgusted with himself.

Why did he have to be so weak?

He wanted to bend over and gag, but stopped. It was bad enough the mess he had gotten himself into. The feeling of worthlessness rinsed over him.

He was loosing the battle and he knew it.

It was a slow day on the bus. The rain whipped against the window when they drove past endless French villages. It was like the bad weather had wiped away all the beautiful colors and wrapped it up in a dull, colorless mist. They were on their way to perform infront of 30,000 people and now three hours into the trip they had only five more to go.

. Inside all of the boys were minding their privacy.

Howie sat with his feet on the seat next to him, reading. On his lap laid a bag of gummybears, his favorite candy, and every so often his hand went down the bag grabbing a handful, stuffing himself. The Latino held a relaxed expression on his face and last nights night club adventures had left few traces. There was no hangover and he was as refreshed as always.

Furthest down in the back, behind the bunkbeds was Kevin. He was jamming away on his keyboard together with one of the band members and he was working on a new song for their upcoming album. If his cousin was playing along on an instrument Brian sat in the sofa section with his laptop on his knees, writing a long letter to Leigh Anne. The homesickness he felt for the past weeks were reaching it´s culprit. He longed for her laughter, her smile and he wanted nothing more than to be close to her. In his world she was the most perfect human being there could be. Leigh Anne Wallace was an angel.

In the seat behind Howie was AJ. The twenty year old was deep in thought as he stared out in the window. He paid no attention whatsoever to the scenery, instead it was his own guilt that was pleagueing him. The blood shot eyes under the tanned sunglasses revealed that there had been yet another wet and sleepless night. He and Howie had ended up at one of Lyons hottest strip bar and the girls and champagne had flooded in amounts. Today he was paying the price. A bad hangover combined with his inconsiderence over cheating on his girlfriend was making his life a living hell. His guilt pleauging him like fire.

But what should he do?

What could he do?

There were just too many beautiful girls in the world and he wanted them all!

Shifting uncomfortably, AJ wanted to stretch his legs. His ass hurt from sitting all morning and he needed to go pee. As if things weren´t bad enough he was dying for a smoke too. It was a drag and AJ was getting more and more bored out of his skull as the time dragged along.

On the seat across the aisle lay Nick. He had curled into a heap on the double seat and his long legs were partly laying in the aisle. The position didn´t look comfortable at all, but apparently fully acceptable for the teen since he was fast asleep. Snoring.

With a hint of disgust AJ noticed that Nick was drooling on his chin and if his friend hadn´t had such a deep wrinkle on his forehead he would have kicked his legs, telling him to stop making such a mess.

Sighing, AJ, had to do something about the situation. Standing up he nearly tripped over the blonde’s long legs. "Damn Kaos," he muttered, trying to get past the teen. Nick shifted, but he didn´t wake up. Once he got to the driver he asked the middle aged German if they could stop at the next road resturant. This was possible since they were all hungry and needed something to eat.

There were harsh words coming from the managers upfront. Obviously they were arguing over something and Johnny was talking with an irritated voice. "If you keep doing that to the boy you will end up hurting him," the black man shook his head.

"Don´t worry said, Nick is in my care." Lou said, nodding towards AJ who passed him on his way back to his seat. Then he said in a hushed tone, "I have it all under control."

A bit surprised over those words, AJ wonder what Nick had done this time to piss the managers off so much. The teen had a habit to say and do stuff that set the management off for a for a fit. Coming back to his seat he saw that the object in question was still stretched out across the aisle. Curious what he had done this time AJ kicked Nick’s legs with his foot. Not too hard, mostly to get the blonde up. Besides Nick was the little brother he never had and brothers needed to know their place.

"Ouch!"

"Wakey wakey Kaos!" he yelled into the teen’s ear.

"Knock it off Bone," Nick sneered, flinching at the sound. He wafted with his hand to get the noise away from his ears.

Ignoring this, AJ continued with his interrogation, "Man what did you do now to piss Johnny off so much?"

Confused, Nick opened his eyes, sitting up in his seat."What do YOU want?" He massaged his neck with his hand, trying to work out the knots that had been formed while he was sleeping in the awkward position.

"'Atta boy," AJ grinned, "piss Lou off so much that he keeps his hold on you."

Confused over the words, Nick shook his head to clear his mind. His face was swollen from sleep and his eyes were still half mast. "What do you mean?"

"Johnny and Lou are pissed at you for something," AJ narrowed his eyes, "what the hell did you do this time?"

"I´ve done nothing!" He whined in that annoying tone that only Nick could master. "I have no idea what you´re talking about."

Sensing that his friend really didn´t know what he was talking about he said quickly, "Chill out man. I was just asking."

"Idiot!"

AJ shook his head, "Jeeze you sure are moody these days. You´re not suffering from PMS are you?" A smiled toyed in the older man’s lips.

"NO!" Nicks blue eyes went dark. "Why are you always picking on me?"

"I´m not."

"You are too. You are always saying stuff to me and.." Nick was getting interrupted.

"Nick, I´m not your therapist. If you need to run that psychology bullshit then do it on someone else but me. That is Howie’s table." He montioned with his thumbs at the dark man behind him.

"Wha..what?" Howie looked confused. "What did I do?"

"Nothing, AJ is just being an ass." Nick complained leaning his head agaist the window. His posture were slightly hunched and he was holding a hand over his stomach like he was suffering from cramps again.

"Leave Nicky alone," Howie sighed.

"I did not.." the short man started to defend himself just to stop in midsentence. Catching one good look at the teen he noticed that his color seemed kind of off. There was something pitiful over his friend and he felt a bit bad for snapping at him in the way he had done. Rewinding the tape he leand over at him, "You´re ok man?"

"Mmmmm.." Nick shied away, his body language saying something else.

"Maybe you´re just hungry. We´re stopping soon for lunch." AJ felt obligated to make Nick feel a bit better. There was something off with his little brother and that disturbed him a bit.

"Mmm..Maybe," Nick nodded. Closing his eyes he wished that they were at the resturant soon. He needed to get off the bus. He needed his privacy.

Nick stared out the window of the shuttle van, feeling detached. He had just been lectured earlier that morning by Lou Pearlman after his obligatory weigh in and the manager was not happy with the results.

Hoping to see amazing progress when he stepped on the digital scales; Pearlman felt that they were the most accurate for keeping track of weight; Nick was shocked at what the green glowing numbers stated.

The manager was angry when he discovered that Nick had gained three pounds since the last weigh in two days ago. Because of the weight gain, Lou demanded that after the meet and greet he would like to see him back at the hotel with the bottle of diet drink in his hands.

Although Nick kept expressing his desire to stop drinking the formula, Pearlman was adamant that the process continue. He dreaded to think of what would be in store for him when they arrived back at the hotel.

A sharp poke in his right side caused Nick to jerk from his thoughts and direct his gaze inside the van. “Mmmmpf?”

“Hey..... I asked you a question.”

Nick stared for a moment at Brian while he rubbed his side. “Huh?”

“I said you look like you’ve lost your best friend. What’s wrong?”

“Just thinking, sorry,” Nick lied as he shrugged his shoulders.

Brian eyed his little brother suspiciously. “You sure?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“You know you’ll get worms if you bite your fingernails.”

Still biting the nail, Nick jerked and looked at Brian’s face. “Huh?”

“I just made a joke, Nick, what’s wrong? You seem more spaced out than normal.”

“My stomach aches, nothing to worry about, it’s probably nerves.” Feeling his friend’s stare, Nick turned to face him. “I’ll be fine, just leave me alone, okay?”

“Are you sure you’re gonna be up for this?”

Shifting in his seat, Nick turned his body so that he was facing the window. “I said to leave me alone,” came the icy reply.

AJ snorted. “Whoa..... dude, did you just get frostbit from Nicky?”

“Guys... please, let’s have happy faces, we’re here!” Johnny called out from the rear of the van.

Grabbing his backpack from the floor, Nick did his normal ritual of tightening the straps, the ever present panic forming a knot in the pit of his stomach as he looked out the window seeing the crowd of screaming girls gathered by the entrance. This time around, it was panic mixed with cramps that gripped his stomach.

“All set Nicky?” Brian asked, concern in his eyes.

Nick replied with a short nod.

“Wait until security detail arrives, I don’t see where the goddamn security is. What the hell!” Johnny mumbled as he started pounding numbers into his cell phone.

“It’s only probably fifty feet to the entrance, I’m sure we can manage without security,” Howie offered.

“Yeah... well you lead D, I got your back,” AJ rasped as he settled back into his seat.

“Hey, it’s not really a bad idea. Why are you guys so scared of those girls out there?”

“Um, remember Nicky about losing a kidney when he was separated from us and got slammed into the side of the tour bus?” AJ recalled.

“I seriously doubt that will happen twice. Don’t they always say, ‘Lightening doesn’t strike the same place twice?’ “

“Like I said Howie, you can go out there to the den of wolves if you want. I for one, am gonna keep my ass planted until security gets here, thank you very much.”

“Guys, we’ll run in a cluster,” Johnny directed as he shut off his cell phone.

This time Kevin Richardson whipped his head around to look at the manager. ”Run in a cluster? Did you just say run in a cluster?” he asked incredeliously.

“I didn’t think I mumbled.”

“Are you crazy!?”

“Listen, we don’t have a choice. The van taking the body guards from the hotel got stuck in traffic some accident, and we can sit here in this damn van for an hour waiting for them or we can just sprint into the lobby and get this overwith. I made my decision and you’ll have to do as I say.”

“Just peachy,” Nick muttered as he stood up. All he could do was swallow nervously as he waited for the doors to be flung open and to be herded in like cattle heading for the slaughter house.

The were the cattle and the girls were the butchers.

Suddenly, a hard shove on Nick’s back sent him flying out of the van doors. He was totally unprepared for being flung into the awaiting crowd and his feet went into overdrive trying to make a path from the van to the safety of the entrance.

”N-I-I-I-C-C-C-K-K-E-E-E-E-E!”

”OOOOFFF,” was all that Nick managed to cry out when he once again was caught up in the surging crowd and carried from the van away from his destination. Just when the tears of fear and frustration welled up into his eyes, he felt a strong tug at his backpack jerking him from the crowd.

“Run in a cluster my ass,” Kevin snapped through gritted teeth as he litterally snagged his younger brother from being torn up and carried off again. With Kevin’s guidance, Nick made it into the lobby, practically dragged on his feet backwards and sideways. There wasn’t anytime for him to turn around.

Johnny rubbed his hands together, eyeing the disheveled appearance of Nick and Kevin. “Great, now we can get started.”

“I-I almost was killed out there,” Nick squeaked.

“Carter, you blow EVERYTHING out of proportion! Now, come on, we need to keep on schedule.”

“I need to go to the bathroom Johnny,” Nick stated quietly.

“It can wait until we get back to the hotel!” the manager hissed.

Sweat started beading on the young singer’s forehead and the color was draining from his face. “Please, I’m serious! I really have to go.”

“What the hell has gotten into you Carter?” Johnny growled as he surveyed the teen squirming in front of him.

Nick glared angrily at the dark manager. “You know exactly what got into me!”

Before Johnny could reply, Nick took off towards where he thought he saw the familiar “stick figures” for restrooms, ignoring Johnny’s yells for him to come back.

“What is Nick talking about?” Kevin asked when he overheard the end of the abruptly ended conversation.

“Nothing, just forget it. I think Nick needs a little more lessons on tact is all.”

Pushing the heavy door that led to the restrooms open, Nick found himself in a narrow hall, two closed doors at the end. “Great, it’s in fricken Italian,” he mumbled as he stared at the doors. Waiting a moment, he hoped that someone would exit so he would know which one was the men’s room.

“Okay. I guess I need to take a guess then. Let’s see, UOMINI or DONNE” Nick said to himself outloud as he gestured at the doors.

Swallowing hard, Nick pushed on the door that read DONNE

“HEY! PAZZESCO!”

“Oops, I’m sorry ma’am, I was looking for my mother,” Nick apologized.

“Sick American!”

“Thank god,” Nick sighed as he stepped aside allowing the woman to walk past the threshold. He quickly pushed the correct door open to the men’s bathroom and barely had time to unfasten his pants before another round of the Milk of Magnesia diarrhea hit him with full force.

Compliments of Lou Pearlman’s Miracle Diet Drink.

Quietly, Nick waited for the bathroom to be cleared out before he left the stall, embarrassed about having the nasty spell of diarrhea. He knew he had to have cried out a few times even though he had bit his bottom lip. The cramping in his stomach was severe for some reason this morning but he knew he would have to ride it out for a little longer before he could go back to the hotel and hopefully lay down before sound check.

AJ grinned widely when Nick’s face came into view in the doorway. “Did everything come out alright?”

Letting his backpack fall onto the floor beside him with a thud, Nick groaned inwardly. Wasn’t anything sacred with Bone?

“Well, now that Nick is here, we can start the autograph session,” Johnny announced to the crowd, pausing for the translator. “As I said, single file lines in front of each of the boys. We have only an hour for this session.”

Groans were emitted from the waiting crowd and the boys instantly picked up the black felt markers, waiting for the clock to start.

As they were told in the beginning of Backstreet, never to look up at the line, Nick couldn’t help himself and broke rule number one. His heart started beating harder in his chest when he saw that the line went through the vast hall out past the door. His stomach wasn’t in any mood to agree with him on today of all days.

Looking up, again, the ‘Cardinal Backstreet Rule Number Two’ was about to be broken. Nick saw the woman that he nearly plowed over in his haste to get into the bathroom a short time ago. The woman still didn’t look all too happy with him, in fact, he could have sworn she was staring at him - angrily!

Rule Number Two that was written in the Lou Pearlman’s Backstreet Rules stated that no boy would ever, under any circumstances make direct eye contact with a fan standing in line. It was almost as dangerous as looking directly into the sun.

Now he had broken two rules and his stomach was churning once again. The room marked “UOMINI or was that DONNE?” was calling his name again. The hard glare he caught from the corner of his eye by Johnny told him that neither room would be calling out his name. Keeping his head down, he furiously scribbled “Nick Carter” as if he were a worker on an assembly line, almost as if his very life depended upon it.

Lazily dragging his backpack on the floor behind as he walked down the hall, all Nick could think was his room, his bed and sleep. This tour stop he was graciously allowed a room to himself, much to his surprise as well as the others. It was Mr. Pearlman’s decision that Nick should have a turn being alone and he was more than happy to accept the fat manager’s offer.

“Where do you think you’re going to boy?”

Blood froze in his veins when Nick heard the manager’s voice echo in the hall.

“I told you I wanted to talk to you when you got back from the meet and greet!”

“I-I wass just gonna lay down,” Nick stammered his defense. His body tightened up when a hand clamped down hard on his shoulder.

“Well I was going to talk to you in my suite.”

Nick winced hearing Pearlman clarify that he had a suite. He winced each time the fat man pointed out how great his accomodations were.

“Can’t we just talk in my room? I’m really not feeling so hot.”

Instead of giving into Nick’s suggestion, he felt an arm being draped across his shoulder. “You can come with me up to my room son. We have to have a lenghty talk and I’m sure we won’t be bothered in my suite.”

“Can I just let someone know where I’m going?” Nick asked as he slowed his steps, trying to stall Pearlman from taking him to the elevator.

The fat man chuckled. “There’s no reason to worry about that. I’m taking care of you.”

“But...” Nick tried in vain to protest only to get strongly guided onto the elevator. He could have sworn he heard the cables groan under the added weight of the bulky manager when he set foot into the car.

The ride to Pearlman’s floor was in total silence. Nick wasn’t sure what the man was going to say to him, but he knew that it wouldn’t be a pleasant conversation and he was scared. Once the car stopped on the fat man’s floor, Nick could only allow himself to be led down to the room. Like a puppy being taken from his home by it’s master.

“Alright, sit down Nick,” Lou directed with a fat finger.

The young teen sat on the edge of the bed, as told, placing his backpack quietly on the floor beside him. He watched as the manager lumbered his bulk across the carpeted floor, waddling back and forth, labored breathing as his body was protesting the amount of exercise he was placing on his chubby legs.

“Can you tell me why I wanted to see you after your obligations this morning?”

Nick looked at the fat man for moment, a thoughtful expression on his face followed by a deep frown. “I dunno.”

“Do you recall our agreement with the diet drink?”

Watching Pearlman continue to pace the floor, Nick nodded. “Yeah, and you told me to try it and if I didn’t like it, I could stop drinking it.”

Lou stopped his pace, shaking his head, making his chins jiggle in the process. “Why do you keep insisting that I told you that you could stop the drink?”

“Because you did!”

”Bullshit!”the manager bellowed sharply. “I have reason to believe you’ve stopped drinking this on your own. Am I correct?”

Nick flinched hearing the sharp lies being directed at him by the manager.

“NO! I’m still drinking it! Honest!”

“Then how do you explain gaining three pounds?”

Looking down at his lap, Nick could only shrug his shoulders.

“Ah-ha, that’s what I thought.” Starting his pace once again, the fat manager stopped by the winow. “I want you to start drinking more of the formula, you need to drink it in front of me too. Plus weigh in daily now.”

“Drink more?” Nick squeaked, tears pooling in his eyes.

“Yes, and you need to eat too, you’re starving the body and you can’t do that either because it won’t work on getting rid of the stored up fat in your system.”

“You’re fuckin’ crazy!” Nick shouted.

As quickly as the words left his mouth, the manger retailated with a back hand across the young man’s cheek. Nick instantly held his palm up to the stinging cheek.

“I own you boy, and you will do as I say and you won’t breathe a word to anyone about this or there will be severe punishments. Mark my words.”

Nick whimpered as he listened to the rules that the obese manager was laying on him. He could only shake his head in agreement everytime the fat man paused, only because he was afraid that he would be hit again.

“Go wash your face up, and when you come back out here, I want you to drink the formula in front of me, got it?”

A dark feeling crept into Nick’s heart as he grabbed his backpack and stood up. Pearlman had his back to him so there wasn’t any questions about him taking the pack along into the bathroom. His hopes sank when Pearlman barked.

”Leave the bag out here!”

Reluctantly, Nick turned around and placed the backpack ontop of the bed. He quickly walked back toward the bathroom and closed the door.

“Why can’t you fight back?” he whimpered as he stared at his tear streaked cheeks. One cheek was reddened by the slap that had been delivered by the manager minutes ago. “You’re nothing but a coward Carter.”

“Who are you talking to in there? You better not be on a cell phone!” the manger growled.

“No one, must be the tv,” Nick lied.

He focused his attention back to the mirror and quickly looked away, not wanting to see his reflection. Splashing cool water on his face, he mentally wished that the water would take away the horrible feelings of guilt about himself he had been feeling lately.

“Nick, I don’t have all day, hurry up I’m a busy man!”

As he hastily dried his face, Nick wanted to scream into the towel. He was sick of the manager’s demands, sick of his life on the road and sick of himself for being such a coward. He opened the door to find Pearlman standing by the bed, holding the bottle of the diet drink in his chubby fist.

“Okay, I need you to take a big drink from the bottle!”

“But, we have a show to do tonight. I’ll be too sick!” Nick protested as he stared at the bottle.

Pearlman shook his head. “Nonesense! That’s all in your head boy!”

Tears started welling up in Nick’s eyes. “I’m telling you I’ll be in the bathroom the whole time. This stuff makes me sick! Please, don’t make me drink anymore of this.”

“I don’t have any other choice son, we can’t let you get any bigger than you already are.”

“I-I can diet on my own, please don’t make me drink that stuff anymore!”

Lou sighed as he stared at the young teen’s face. As if the boy was reading his thoughts, Nick broke in. “I’ll do anything you ask, but please, don’t make me drink that anymore.... please.”

“Okay, this is what I can do, but you have to follow this or the deal is off, do you understand?”

Nick anxiously nodded, hoping that the deal the fat man was about to offer in exchange for not drinking the diet drink would be something he could handle.

“You can stop this drink and diet on your own, however, and I want you to listen closely you will be weighed daily and I will take measurements daily. Is that understood because if you can’t handle this I will be forced to have you start drinking the formula again.”

Nick looked the manager directly into his eyes. “Yessir.”

“Good. I’ll be holding onto the formula so if you screw up Nick, you’ll have to take this again. We can’t have you get any fatter than you already are. The fans are noticing and the press. You’re getting so out of shape you’re breathing heavy into your headset. You need to take control of this now before you get in too deep.”

“Thank you sir, I will. You won’t regret this.”

Pearlman waved the boy off and waited until the door softly closed before he picked up his phone.

“Yes, this is Lou Pearlman in suite eight sixteen. I would like to meet with the hotel dietician and if it’s possible, I would like to speak with a pharmacist.....”

Nick stared at his sweaty reflection in the eerie glow of the mirror that was propped off stage. He was absorbed in what he saw, taking in every feature. Instead of seeing a young man whose face was flushed from playing to 20,000 screaming fans, Nick’s critical eyes only saw a bloated face that was red and sweaty from the stress that was placed on his weight taxed body.

“Kid, you gotta get back out there, you’re gonna miss your cue!”

“He’s spaced out again!”

“Nicky! C’mon, we gotta get back out there!”

Nick jerked when he felt a forceful poke on his shoulder. “Huh?”

“Showtime buddy, remember it’s what we’re suppose to do,” Kevin barked into Nick’s ear. His facial expression quickly changed from irritation to sympathetic. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Nick grunted as he adusted the headset.

It was all one big lie but there wasn’t anyway he was going to cry to Kevin about what he was thinking, god forbid how he was feeling, Nick decided as he followed his brother out onto the stage.

Taking his usual position on stage, Nick couldn’t help but notice the nasty look he got from Tommy and he knew that the man wasn’t happy that he more than likely had to play the intro to the next song five times over before he finally appeared onstage to start the next segment in the concert.

Shrugging his shoulders as he directed his gaze towards the floor, Nick decided that it was, after all, Tommy’s job so he would have to deal with it.

The speech Lou Pearlman had said to Nick the other day weighed heavily in his heart and mind. He was more aware of all of the steps he made as well as the way he breathed, talked, even sang into the headset. All he could think of when camera flashes went off was that the pictures would produce more evidence for Lou to be on his case about his appearance.

The preshow catered meal was a disaster and although he was practically starving, Nick didn’t touch a morsel, only sticking to bottled water, in his desperate hopes of shedding the three pounds that had mysteriously showed up at the weigh in the other day. Instead of feeling energized, he felt dizzy.

Brian couldn’t help but notice how Nick was acting a little “off” during the show and kept his eyes trained on his little brother. He hoped that it was only the cold that Nick had caught that was bothering the young man. His gaze connected with his cousin’s several times during the second half of the show and Kevin gave Brian a slight nod as if to say “I can see it too.”

At the end of the show, Brian stood next to Nick and took his hand for their final bow. Flipping the microphone away from his mouth, Brian leaned toward his brother. “Are you feeling alright?” he yelled above the roar of the packed venue.

Nick scowled. “Huh?”

”I said ARE YOU ALRIGHT?”

Brian dropped with the questioning when he realized that he wasn’t getting anywhere without looking obvious on stage and continued taking the bows and playing to the crowd. After the boys ran off to the side, Brian stopped Nick.

“Are you feeling okay?”

The sound tech stepped in front of Brian and Nick. “I need the headsets people!”

In a sweeping motion, both pulled the equipment off their heads, handing it to the young woman, Nick never stopping the whole time, Brian tagging along behind.

“Are you feeling okay?” Brian pressed.

Nick continued toward the dressing room, anxious to get his gear so he could get back to the hotel and take a shower. A firm hand on his right forearm told him otherwise.

“I asked you a question,” Brian tried again, moving his hand toward Nick’s face.

Nick quickly shied away from the hand. “What are you doing?”

“I wanna see if you have a temp.”

“Jesus Bri, leave me alone!”

Nick trudged toward the dressing room, leaving Brian standing alone. Instead of letting the topic drop, Brian half ran, half walked after the tall blond. “You know you should tell someone if you’re sick.”

He stopped at the door, his shoulders sagging. Nick never turned to face his older band brother. “What part of leave me alone didn’t you understand?”

“Better hurry up, bus is going to leave without you people,” Johnny barked as he walked past.

Brian followed Nick into the room and grabbed his duffle bag, slinging it over his shoulder. “You know you should tell someone if you don’t feel good Nick.”

Nick didn’t look up as he grabbed his Nintendo Game Boy and a sweatshirt, throwing it roughly into the dark backpack. “Yeah, but there’s nothing wrong and it wouldn’t make any difference if I did. Just drop it.”

Laying in bed, Nick was determined to avoid the temptations his body was sending his brain. It was insisting that he needed food.

Now.

Room service had mysteriously showed up an hour after he had arrived back from the venue and the hostess refused to take no for an answer when he tried to get her to take the tray back. The smells from the cart was tempting, but Nick kept himself strong, not daring to lift a cover off of any of the platters.

Now it was as if the food was calling out to his food deprived mind.

Rolling over, Nick grabbed a pillow and pulled it over his head, trying to block out the cart and the thoughts of eating.

“Be strong Carter, you don’t need this,” he coached himself.

Several minutes of trying to push the thoughts that his stomach was hurting from being empty, Nick rolled over and grabbed the phone, punching in the number to AJ and Howie’s room. After several rings, someone finally answered.

“Yeah.”

“Howie? It’s Nick.”

A loud yawn was offered in reply followed by the sound of a light clicking on in the background. “Nick, it’s one o’clock in the morning, go to sleep.”

“I’m hungry.”

“Then eat,” Howie mumbled.

“I can’t.”

The normally peaceful Howie Dorough sighed impatiently. “Why not?”

“I just can’t.”

A loud sigh was heard from the Latino. “You called me at 1 am to tell me that you can’t eat? Good night Nick.”

“But..” The sound of a dial tone in his ear announced to Nick that Howie’s end of the conversation was over.

“God, at least weight watchers has friends you can call,” Nick mumbled as he softly placed the receiver back onto the cradle.

Staring at the food cart, Nick finally threw the covers off his legs and quietly padded over to look at the contents on the platters. His hopes that there would be spinache casserole and sushi were soon dashed when he discovered a greasy cheeseburger, golden brown onion rings and a pile of french fries. Another plate held a generous slab of rich chocolate cake and a third held a dish which probably had ice cream in it but it was now melted into a pool of vanilla liquid.

Before he realized what he had done, a ‘little taste’ ended up being a ravenous binge and Nick had consumed everthing that was offered on the room service cart.

“Oh shit, what did I do?” he moaned as his stomach protested the unreasonable amount of food that he had stuffed into it.

Dismay quickly turned to humilitiation. He wanted to crawl back into his bed and hide. “You’re nothing but a pig. How can you keep doing this to yourself?”

Looking in the mirror, all Nick could see was the fat that would surely appear once the food was digested into his body. The boxers that he had worn to bed felt tight around his bloated waist, only physically confirming to Nick that he was a fat pig.

The humiliation turned to anger when his eyes fell onto the room service bill. It wasn’t the amount of food that was listed on the bill that got Nick upset. It was the name on the bill that made his face flush with anger. The name and the notation: Send confirmation and billing invoice to Mr. Louis Pearlman, Suite 1418.

He had been set up!

“AJ.... is that you?”

A loud belch followed by a series of hiccups verified the tattooed man’s presence in the room.

Rolling over to look at the clock, Howie squinted. “They must not have last call in this country.”

“I got tired,” AJ slurred, sitting down heavily on Howie’s bed, hitting the Latino in the foot. He quickly mumbled an apology as he leaned forward to cradle his head in his hands.

“I didn’t think your arm could get tired.”

“Ha, funny.”

“I got an odd call from Nick a little bit ago.”

AJ kept his head down. “About what?”

“He said he was hungry.”

“And that was odd? We’re talking about Nick Carter, human eating machine.”

“Yeah, but I guess I was sort of nasty to him and hung up on him.”

“God D, *hic* you’re only human, you *hic* be perfect 24/7,” came the slurred reply.

“I guess. Why don’t you go lay on your bed and try to sleep off that hangover you’ll be getting.”

AJ stood up, swaying. “Whoa, head rush,” he snickered. “For the record, I’m not drunk.”

Drawing the blankets up to his chin, Howie mumbled. “Yeah and I’m the Pope.”

It only took a few moments before Howie was fast asleep and snoring softly.

As best as he could, AJ tiptoed toward the door, putting his index finger to his lips when he accidentally bumped the dresser on his way out. Softly closing the door behind him, he was thankful to see that the halls were empty.

AJ glanced at the food service cart as he pounded loudly on Nick’s door. “Judas, he wasn’t kidding. Open up in Nick!”

Reaching down to jiggle the handle, he discovered it was unlocked. ‘What a dumbass, Lou would be pissed if he knew Nick was a sitting duck in an unlocked room,’ AJ thought to himself.

With a smirk on his face, he shouted, “Hey Nicky, why the hell didn’t you lock up when you came back? Are you expecting some company?”

As he waited for Nick to reply with one of his smart come backs, AJ thought he heard the sound of someone gagging and throwing up. Rushing through the unlocked door, AJ stood outside of the bathroom door, wincing as he heard Nick getting sick. “Shit man, what’s wrong with you?”

As he waited for a reply, he heard the sounds of Nick coughing, the toilet flushing and water being turned on in the sink. Feeling that Nick didn’t hear him when he came in, AJ timidly knocked on the bathroom door.

The door quickly flung open and Nick came out, wiping his hands with a towel. AJ eyed Nick’s blotchy, sweaty complextion.

“How..” Nick stopped to clear his throat. “How did you get in here?”

“Your door was unlocked, do you always leave your room door unlocked?”

“I must not have shut it tight when I came in.”

“Yeah or probably when you let room service leave.”

AJ could see Nick’s posture stiffen. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Nicky, I saw the room service cart outside your door..”

Nick threw the towel into a corner by the beds. “That doesn’t mean it’s mine!”

“You called Howie and told him you were hungry...”

A dark look crept over Nick’s face. “Have you been drinking?”

“Nice try on changing the subject. Why were you getting sick?”

“I-I’m still getting over that flu.”

As he approached the younger band memeber, AJ held his hand out to check Nick’s forehead. Nick successfully ducked.

“Are you freakin’ queer or something?”

“I wanted to see if you have a temp since you say you’re sick.”

“Why don’t you go take a flying leap or something? Isn’t there a bottle of JD callin’ you?”

“Nick, if there’s something you want to tell me, you know I’ll listen to you....”

Walking toward the front door, Nick fumbled with the knob a few times before he was successful in throwing the door open. “Go back to your room and sleep it off!”

“Why does everyone think I’m drunk?”

“Because you are. Leave. Here. Now.”

Reluctantly, AJ walked toward the open door, pausing beside his young brother, laying a hand on his shoulder. “You know you can talk to me Kaos. Anytime you need someone to listen to you, you can count on me. I won’t go back and tell anyone what we talk about, okay?”

Nick shrugged AJ’s hand off his shoulder. “Yeah. I’ll make a note of it. Go to bed.”

AJ had no other choice but to leave the room when Nick gently pushed on his back. Hearing the click of the door and the sound of the dead bolt being slid into place, he knew that Nick had ended the conversation for tonight.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, Nick leaned his elbows on his knees, placing his head in his hands. Suddenly he felt out of control. He wasn’t happy with how his life was going, the demands that were constantly being placed on him and now he felt that he was a failure in everything he tried to do.

Kevin groaned. He hated early mornings and eating breakfast at seven o'clock in the morning was not his cup of tea. He could have done with a few more hours of sleep. Heavy bags under his eyes and tousled hair proved that he was as far from the handsome celebrity that he usually was. They were all more or less looking burned out and the only comfort was that it was less than two weeks before they would be on the plane back to the states and have a weeks rest.

He wanted nothing more than meet Kristin, tell him how much he missed her and that he was sorry for the jerk that he had been. It was so hard being on the road all the time and being the male that he was, he loved women. He was a legs man and a pair of beautiful legs had him always on the rope. And this is what had happened this time too. A pair of long tanned legs sitting on a beautiful blonde model had him breaking up a realtionship that had been on the verge of collapsing many times. It was so hard being faithful on the road.

Sighing heavly several times he got his cousin's attention.

"What are you thinking of?" Brian asked as he took a bite of the toast in front of him. "Something bothering you?"

Kevin shook his head, staring blankly in front of him with a sad look in his eyes, then he returned back to his coffee cup.

"He´s homesick," Howie explained, turning page on the morning paper that he was reading. AJ was nowhere to be seen, off nursing an impending headache.

"Ain´t we all?" Brian groaned, suddenly remembering Leigh back home. Oh he would do anything to be with her, if only for a few days. He too longed for going back home for a few weeks of rest. But he also had to go down to the hospital for some tests for his upcoming surgery. He knew that the doctors wanted him to do the surgery as fast as possible but Lou wanted them to wait a couple of months and finally Brian had agreed on this. They were in the middle of touring and they would travel around in the states after the break. The surgery was scheduled at the end of May and he dreaded this. Even more than he ever wanted to admit.

What if things went bad?

Shrugging back the unwanted thoughts, Brian yawned loudly, "Dude I could do with a few more hours of rest. Right Frack?" he added, glancing over at his young friend. Getting no response back he noticed Nick sitting like a robot, stirring his cup with a spoon with small circular motions. He looked like he was in another world. "Hey dude are you asleep?" Brian grinned, trying to get his friend's attention with waving him infront of him with his hand, "Earth to Nick!"

"Don´t," Nick muttered, waving away his friends hand. Annoyed.

A bit surprised over this reaction the Kentuckian asked, "Dude what's the matter with you? You ok?"

"Yes!" Nick offered nothing more, continuing to stir.

"Leave him be," Howie said, still not looking up from the newspaper. "He´s just tired."

"Really?" Kevin turned towards Nick, concerned etched in his face, "You didn´t sleep?"

"Yes." There were annoyance in the teens voice, but he made no move to stop the robotic movements and continued staring into space.

"Well that was NOT what AJ was saying." This time Howie looked up from his paper. Glancing around at them all he continued, "Bone said that he was sick!"

"Sick?" Both Brian and Kevin said in unison, staring at Nick who groaned inwardly. Now all hell would break loose!

"You´re sick?" Brian nudged Nick' arm in concern.

"No."

"Why does Howie say that then?" He pressed on not letting go of his eyes on the pale blonde.

"No idea," Nick muttered looking up slowly, "Maybe it's because AJ is stupid."

"What?" Kevin butted into the conversation, "Why do you say that?" Howie looked just as curious as the older man.

"Because he lies." Nick offered no further explanation, sipping slowly on his tea.

"Well that was NOT what AJ said." Howie said dramatically, setting his eyes into Nick who shrugged away, uncomfortable. "He said that you puked your guts out!"

"WHAT?" The cousins said in union, again, frowned etched on their foreheads. Nick couldn´t help but smile. The Kentuckians were so alike, yet so different. Kevin was the first to open his mouth. "Nick why didn´t you say that you were sick?"

"Because I´m not."

"So you mean that throwing your guys up ain´t being sick?" Kevin continued a bit irritated, "You can´t go on not telling us when you feel bad."

"I don´t feel bad." Nick defended himself, wishing that they would drop the subject. Deep inside he really wanted to tell them about the mess he had gotten himself into. That he was using laxatives to keep his weight down and bínge eating and how depressed he felt. Yet he couldn´t bare to say those words. Feeling much too disgusted with himself.

He sighed. They wouldn´t understand anyway.

"Then why did AJ say that you did?" Brian asked slowly, not turning off his gaze on Nick. The young teen fidgeted uncomfortably.

"Because."

"Because what? Is that all you can say?" Kevin was getting impatient. He was getting tired of Nick uttering the one and same word. This was a habit his little brother had, and now it was the word "because" that was high on his list. He couldn´t help to feel a tad concerned over the way Nick was acting. There was something worrysome over the way he looked and to hear that Nick was sick during the nights scared him. What if there was something seriously wrong with his "little" brother?

" Because he was drunk on his ass!" Nick spat.

The three man looked at him like he was something that the cat had spit up on the rug. "You´re saying that Bone was lying?" Howie asked slowly.

Suddenly Nick felt bad. He didn't want to drag his friend into the dirt. Ok AJ was drunk that one was for sure, but he wasn´t too drunk not to remember anything and this Howie knew too. Yet he didn´t want them to know about the eating binge. He was stuck in a situation that tore him up inwards.

"Yes," he heard himself saying, "AJ came busting into my room drunk as an ass." He waved dramatically with his hand as the show how fast Bone had swept in. "He woke me up, yelled something and then left." Nick could have bit his lip and noticing the looks his friends gave him in disbelief he felt like he wanted to sink through a whole in the ground.

His life was becoming more and more like a lie and he didn´t like it!

"He did that?" Kevin was the only one to respond, there were a mixture of doubt and concern in his eyes. Brian looked at him with sadness and Nick knew the second they would be alone Brian would start questioning about his binge eating. And he would lie like so many times before. There was nothing wrong with him, was there?

Needing to support his own story Nick nodded frantically. He had to support his stupid story. "Yup! He was totalllyyyy drunk on his aaassssss!"

"Ok." There was silence in the room again. The tension evident. For a moment Nick felt like he wanted to cry. None of them had believed him and suddenly he had to get out of the room before he would burst. He felt disgusted with himself for lying to his friends and pissing on AJ. He was about to get out when Lou suddenly burst into the room.

"Good morning boys," the manager entered the room with a large grin on his lips and Johnny in a tow. Getting no response back he said with false cheerfullness, "Why are you boys so gloomly when we have another exciting day ahead of us?" He looked sternly at the boys, one boy one.

"Nick is throwing up." Brian said flatly.

At that moment the teen felt ready to kill his friend. Why did he have to say something like that to Lou of all people? Ok he knew that Brian's intentions were the best. He probably hoped to gain some understanding, but instead it worked in reverse. "Really?" Lou said, setting his eyes into Nick's. "How come?"

Now Nick felt trapped. Desperately he searched for something to say. If he lied he would drag AJ down the dirt since then Lou would be pissed at him for drinking too much and the last thing he needed was to have the manager being on his friends case. He would always be forced to take the fall! Ands if he said that it was true he would have BOTH the guys AND the management down his throat. No matter what he said he would loose.

Swallowing hard he wanted to get out of this situation. He needed to get out. Fast.

Johnny was the one to save him, "Maybe it´s that flu that have had Kaos in it´s grips. I´ve been feeling a bit sick too." Nick knew that it was a lie and he secretly wondered what made the manager say something like this. Saving his ass.

"Yeah maybe." Kevin said with a frown. Howie nodded too, but he wasnt buying it either.

Lou not wanting to talk more about the subject ruffled Nick's hair, "Well the main reason is that Nicky is ok, right son?" Smiling towards the teen his facial expression held double messages. His mouth was smiling, but his eyes were not.

Shrugging away Nick said nothing. He didn´t want Lou's disgusting hand on him. It made him feel dirty. Noticing this repulsion, Lou continued a bit harsh, "You better clean up your acts." He glared over the silent group, "You are on tour and not in some funeral home!"

"We´re tired," Howie defended the group.

"Tired?" Lou snorted, "Then maybe you shouldn´t stay up and party so hard." His eyes slid over the men that looked like they wanted all to crawl back to bed and not sit here this early in the morning.

"We didn´t."

Lou glared over at Kevin who had felled the comment. Scanning around in the room he noticed one band member missing, "Yeah and where is AJ?"

Feeling rebellious towards the manager, not wanting him to find out that about AJ´s hungover, Nick blurted out, "He probably has the same kind of shit like I do."

"Oh well," Lou changed topics fast, "I want you all to be with me at eight o'clock, packed and ready to go." There was a groan in the group since they had to travel to yet another city for a concert, stopping along the way to do public relations events.

Nick breathed a sigh of relief, Lou hadn´t bashed him. But say the joy that lasts for long. Not before he had thought it out he heard Lou's booming voice calling for him, "Nick!" His tone held authority and he pricked up his attention.

"Yeah?"

" I want you to come up to my room after breakfast. I want to talk with you." It wasn´t a question a question more a demand.

All of the men including Johnny looked strangely at Nick and Lou. Surprise shining in their eyes. Nodding Nick felt the dread creep up inside him.

Not knowing what to expect!

"Is that ALL you´re going to eat?" Kevin asked, pointing with a fork towards Nick´s almost clean plate. "Dude, didn´t you hear what Lou said? We have a busy schedule."

"Like I don´t know that," Nick muttered, nibbling on the dry toast. His stomach was doing sommersaults and he dreaded going to meet Lou. Knowing his own luck Lou would probably force him to take MOM again and this was NOT something that he intended to do. Never again. He would rather starve himself!

"What did you say?" Now Brian was joining the conversation too, expecting Nick to say something more.

Groaning, the teen mumbled, "Nothing." Ok, here we go, Nick thought darkly. He could hear on their voices that he was in for another round of getting questioned about his health.

Frowning Howie turned towards him, "What´s the matter with you? You seem so off" There was genuine concern in his deep brown eyes.

Nick suddenly feeling trapped having all eyes look at him, yelled, "Don´t you ever listen? I said that it was nothing and that I was fine. Now leave me alone." Sneering, he pushed the plate away, dramaticaly. "You´re not my fucking mothers!"

"Watch your language," Kevin hissed.

"Chill out," there was a hurt tone in Howie's voice. "Man I was just asking if you were ok."

Finally having enough and needing to get out of the room, Nick stood up abruptly, pushing his chair back. "You´re all trying to control me," he yelled, napkin falling to the ground. "Controlling me like everyone else!" The teen was causing a riot in the breakfast room and the chatter that had been so evident was suddenly silenced, the guests turning their attention to the table in the right corner, and especially on a certain blond. Glancing around in the room Nick shouted, "Fuck all of you!" He stormed out from the room leaving the boys staring after him in confusion.

"NICK get the he.." Kevin called out, about to chew the teen out, but he stopped in midsentence when Howie grabbed his arm, shaking his head, "Don´t."

Brian was on the verge of running after Nick too when Howie interrupted the both hot tempered cousins, "No, Let him be."

Sighing, the cousins nodded. They were both very concerned but Howie was right, there were no point running after Nick when he was in a mood like this. He would only tell them off.

Outside in the corrdior AJ walked out of the elevator, a bit late since he was sleeping in due to a gigantic headache, in other words a mother of an hungover. Rubbing his temples he cursed management for not scheduling any free time. It was way too early for him and he sincerely doubted that he would be able to eat anything. Yet Lou had called him on his phone saying that he better get his ass down at breakfast. Pronto. When he tried to say that he wasn´t feeling well all he got back was a snort. Mr. Pearlman was not that easily fooled.

Not paying attention to where he was walking, he suddenly bumped into someone. Irritated that this person interrupted him in his thoughts he muttered, "Watch where the hell where you´re going." AJ`s morning temper left little to be desired.

"Oh I´m sorry," a familiar voice said and he looked into the eyes of his "little" brother.

"Nick? What the hell are you doing here?"

"What does it look like?" Nick snapped, suddenly changing his tone drastically.

AJ never having far from some sneered comments said, "Ouch touchy much?" He added with a large grin, "What´s the hurry? Did you fart and crap your pants?" Giggling like a school boy at his own joke.

"Man you´re sick." Nick rolled his eyes, attempting to push past the skinny man, but looks were decieving him. AJ used to work out and was much stronger than his fragile appearance let on.

"Whoaaa, hold there man," he caught the blond by his arm. "Where´s the fire? In your ass?" He chuckled even more. No doubt refering to the teen's previous predictment.

Glaring at him, not wanting to answer, Nick muttered, "Let me go!"

"NO!" Suddenly AJ said with another tone, a more serious one, "Dude are you ok?"

"Yeah, why shouldn´t I be?" the teen was doing his best to swallow down the tears that were threatning to errupt. "Now let me go."

"Uh-huh," AJ shook his head. "First you gonna tell me where you´re heading and why you look like you´re about to start bawling."

"I´m not!"

"Yes you are," AJ snickered. Taking a good look at Nick who was fighting to get away from his friend's firm grip. Even if AJ was a small guy he still was pretty strong and when it came to wrestling there wasn't many guys that could beat him. "Man, what´s the problem?"

"I said leave me alone." Nick spat out the words, jerking with his arm to get away from AJ´s grip. "Get the hell away from me." The tears burned in the corner of his eyes and he had to get away before he would embarrass himself even more than he was doing. Some guests had stopped, taking in the arguing that was in front of them.

Sensing the seriousness in the young man's tone AJ let go of his grip, almost sending Nick down on his butt from the force of letting go. The teen gained back his balance and then ran into the available car, pushing the button to his level in a hurry.

"Man, what´s eating your ass?" AJ muttered as he saw the door close and the elevator take off. Shaking his head as much as he dared too without the headache threatning to split his skull in half he decided to join the others in the restaurant. When entering the big room he spotted Brian, Howie and Kevin engrossed in a lively discussion. Walking up to them he heard Nick's name being mentioned and it was clear that the blond's strange behavoir was the center of attention.

"I´m telling you there is something seriously wrong," Brian said with despiration in his voice, "Nick is having some issues."

AJ hesitated momentarily before interrupting their conversation, "Hey what is the problem with Kaos? He´s acting like an ass." He grinned trying to smooth over the situation when he saw Brian's serious face glaring up at him, "I mean he is being more a pain in the butt than ever. It´s almost like he has PMS!"

"Stop that," Brian muttered, twisting the napkin in his hand. He was in no mood for one of AJ´s snide remarks.

"Jeeze, lighten up bro´," AJ patted the Kentuckian lightly on his back. Brian shrugged away like he had been burned. Noticing this, AJ added with a frown, "Man you sure are tight." He turned towards Kevin who looked just as upset as his cousin, but he was doing his best to hide it. "Dude what is the matter with you two?" Stopping for a second to think he added, "Does this have something to do with Kaos running out of the room, looking like he was about to bawl his eyes out?"

"As a matter of fact..Yes." Howie said with a sigh, mentioning with his hand towards the empty chair beside him, "Sit down we gotta talk."

"Talk about what?" AJ looked skeptical, but did as the Latino directed. He knew when Howie was set to talk there was generally something serious since the dark haired man did his best to negotiate as long as possible. Stalling situations.

"About Nick, we´re really concerned about him..."

'Man my life really sucks,' Nick pondered sitting on the side of his bed, holding a small bottle of pills in his hand. Every so often he glared at the contents and shook the bottle so the small white pills rolled around making a jiggling sound. His mind debated over and over again if he should go ahead and take one or if he should stop. A part of him thought that it would be a great idea, then another part told him that he was being a dumbfuck!

"At least it can´t hurt," he told himself, reading the the label. Diplex! 'It don´t sound harmful at all,' Nick concluded as he popped off the lid. Lou had given him these small pills telling him that he could try this one. At first Nick had been very skeptical. After all, the manager had forced him to take that magnesia milk crap resulting in days of living hell. But then Lou had offered him this bottle and recluctantly he had taken it.

Nick had been prepared to have been chewed out by Lou for his binge eating. He figured he would be in for a long lecture but to his surprise Lou hadn´t yelled at him and he was certain that the manager knew that the food cart had been emptied because the bill was laying on the man's dresser when he last checked in with the manager.

Was Lou finally regretting the way he had acted towards him?

He could only hope.

'I better take these babies,' he thought staring at the small white pills in the palm of his hand. 'My life can´t suck anymore than it does right now anyway.' Mentally he debated whether or not he should take them dry or if he should wash it down with some water or something. The previous night when he had felt like crap he had opened a bottle of gatorade and now it was sitting on the counter, half full.

Picking it up he took a small swig. It was stale and he almost gagged at the piss-warm taste. The bottle directed to take one pill twice daily and Nick was doing his usual business of always making up his own rules, thought that when he finally was going to take this stuff he might as well give it more increased effect. As he started to pluck the meds from his hand, a loud shrill was heard from the telephone, interrupting his actions.

Who would call him this time of hour? As far as he knew the guys were still down in the restaurant and he didn´t think that they cared if he was sitting alone in his hotel room, rotting away. Beside he would soon meet them in Lou's room. Surprised he picked up the phone, almost expecting to hear either Lou's or Johnny's voice chewing his ass out. Or it could be some derranged fan that just wanted to hear his voice and then tell her friends that she had spoken to the "real" Nick Carter!

Who else would call him and ask what he was up to?

"Yeah!" he muttered into the lure, not giving away his true name incase it was a fan that was calling.

"Nick?" A female voice asked on the other side of the line. A voice that he knew very well and upon hearing this voice Nick felt his body go all warm and tingling.

"Manda?" he called out, happiness and warmth radiating throughout his whole body. For a moment he thought that he had never been this happy to hear his girl friend before. It was like she was a gift from heaven, an angel, that was sent to cheer him up now when he was feeling low and useless. "Oh Manda," he continued, smiling widely to himself, "You have NO idea how much I´ve missed you." He was sincere in his feelings and he wanted nothing more than to hug her, feel her body close to him.

There was a brief moment of silence.

"Manda?" he said a bit louder, suddenly not feeling so secure anymore. He could hear her breathe in on the other side and then it came. Errupting like an volcano!

"How the hell could you do this to me!" She was yelling so loud, screaming obsentites like an obsessed lunatic, that Nick had to hold the phone away from his ear or he was scared that his eardrum would burst from the pressure.

"But..but.." Nick started a bit confused, immediatly getting cut off by his girlfriend who told him what a loser he was. He had no idea what he had done this time and he fidgeted uncomfortably.

"I thought that we had something going on," Manda yelled, "But now you blew it by screwing around with that bitch!"

Screwing around? Nick was slowly taking in the words from the other line. Manda was thinking that he had been cheating on her. And that he had NOT done. No way! Relieved that it was nothing worse he made his mind up to talk to her and tell her that it was just a mistake.

"Mandy Poh," he started, getting abruptly interrupted by a sour, "What?" Immediately she made him feel unsure of himself and to his dismay he started to stutter. As he always did when he was nervous.

"Ma..manda..li..listen.to.to.m..mm..meee." He managed to get out before she fell a deathly comment to him.

"Oh stop that stuttering you sound like damn retard!"

The words were spat out like venom and Nick felt it hit him like an arrow in his chest. Yet he tried to steady himself for her attack and instead said with a soft voice, "Li..listen..ho..honey..I..I.." On the other line he heard her snort and he could just picture her contempt as she listened to his pleading attempts to make her listen to him.

"I di..did..no..not," Fuck he wanted to cry. He couldn´t do this! Manda was right he sounded like a fucking idiot and he hated himself for stuttering like this. Shit she would think he was the biggest loser and no matter what he said she would think that he was a fat dumb nerd!

"I don´t care what you say Nick Carter! It´s all over the net how you screwed some blonde bimbo with fake boobs!" Her voice was cold and in that instant he realized that no matter what he said she wouldn't listen to him. He was completly making a fool of himself.

"Bu..but it´s..w..wrong..I..I did..no..not da..date a blo..blonde." Nick managed to get out but to no use. He heard a loud snort in the background.

"And that you want me to believe Nick? You´re a ladies man and that we all know so stop that pitiful excuse of yours."

Nick was getting desperate. He had to get her to listen to him and he wasn´t doing a very good job at it. He had never been cheating on her, never crossed his mind although he was often surrounded by beauties. But he didn´t care about them. He only cared about Manda and now she was doubting him. Thinking that he was a player. For a moment he felt despair wash over him like a wave. There were no way that he could win this battle. Not when Manda was in this mood.

"If you´re going to screw around and care about the fans more than you do about me, we might as well end this realtionship here and now." Manda said coldly and Nick felt like he would burst. How could she be so evil when she knew that he was worshiping the ground that she walked on?

"NOOO...Manda listen!" He yelled as loud as he could, closing his eyes as to stir off the emotions that were raging inside him. He felt so totally devistated that he didn´t know what to do. If she left him he would feel crushed. Heart broken. The only light in his life would be gone!

"Well you better think over your options since I can tell you that there are guys lined up to date me and you, Nick Carter, will regret that you didn´t treat me better." He could hear that she was threatening to hang up on him and despiration snuck up on him.

"No Manda, don´t, listen.." He was talking fast in case that she would hung up on him before he had a chance to say what he had on his mind, "I would never sleep with another girl. I love you Manda and I want to be with you. Only you." Drawing back his breath he waited to see if she was listening to him and he quickly noticed that she was. Not wasting any time he continued, "You´re the only one that I care for and I want to be with you and.."

He must have said something wrong because she interrupted him suddenly, "That you should have thought about before fucking that fan!" With that she sneered coldly into his ear, "I´m hanging up now."

"Noooo!!" Nick felt like he would burst and he despirately wanted to stop her from taking actions. Afraid that if she hung up now she would hung up on him forever.

"Bye!" And with that she was gone.

Fuck Fuck Fuck

His whole life was blowing up, piece by piece. Now Manda was leaving him and he felt even more disgusted and small than before. Life was being a bitch to him and he would have done anything to trade his celebrity life to a life of a normal high school student.

"I hate this!" He yelled right out into the air, as he put the phone on the bedstand. Looking down he noticed the small white pills laying there, calling his name. For a moment he thought about taking the whole bottle. Ending his miserable life once and for all, but then he decided against it. With his bad luck he probably would just end up being sick and then people would laugh at the young teen who tried to commit suicide on diet pills. Laughing at himself like a mad man, he shook his head over his own stupid thoughts.

Before knowing what hit him he threw three of the white pills into his mouth, dry swallowing them. If he was lucky they would also deafen the pain that was ripping his whole body apart. Making him feel whole again.

AJ, Kevin, Howie and Brian sat silently on the bus, watching as Lou Pearlman squeezed his massive frame into a booth by the table. The fat manager sighed as he glanced at his wrist watch for the third time since the boys had entered the tour bus.

“As usual, we have are at the mercy of when that kid is going to show up,” Pearlman mumbled, quickly casting a glare at Kevin. “Do you have any idea what’s keeping the boy?”

Kevin met the manager’s glare, not shying away. “He was upset when he left the breakfast table. I wouldn’t be surprised if you had something to do with his mood.”

Pearlman seemed slightly amused by Kevin’s remark, shaking his head causing his chins to sway slightly. “You’re quite humerous, Richardson.” He glanced at his watch again. “I’ll give Mr. Carter five more minutes and then I’ll be garnishing his pay one hundred dollars for every minute he’s late after this.”

”A hundred dollars!” Brian shouted. Howie and Kevin stared at the manager with their mouths agape. AJ however, didn’t seem to care about anything that was going on, he was off in his own little sleepy world trying to fend off the hangover that seemed to be growing as each minute ticked by on the clock.

“I don’t think you can do that,” Kevin retorted.

Pearlman leveled his gaze into the young singer’s green eyes. “I can do whatever I want. I own you.”

“A hundred dollars is a bit excessive,” Brian challenged.

“Maybe he could do something to work off being late, but seriously, a hundred dollars?” Howie questioned quietly, afraid to speak up.

The humming of the bus engine was the only sound in answer to Howie’s question. Pearlman didn’t wish to speak further on the subject; content with sitting and staring out the window looking for the missing Backstreet Boy.

“Well, well,” the manager chuckled as he looked at his watch again. The doors to the bus swished open and Nick came into view followed by Johnny Wright. “We’re going to have to teach you how to read a clock. Isn’t that something you were suppose to have been taught by second grade?”

“I found him sitting in his room in the dark,” Johnny explained, taking a seat in the booth across from Pearlman.

Upon hearing that Nick was sitting alone in the dark, his bandmates glanced at each other, concern etched on their faces.

Brian couldn’t help but notice Nick’s flushed complextion and red rimmed eyes. “Are you alright?”

Nick kept his gaze trained to his lap, refusing to make eye contact. “I’m fine,” he mumbled.

Brian pressed, not wishing to drop the subject. He was alarmed at Nick’s flat, monotoned voice. “Something’s bothering you, let’s talk about it.”

Holding a chubby hand in the air, Lou Pearlman circled it with his fingers. “Nick, come here, I need to have a word with you.”

“Can’t this wait?” Johnny interrupted. “He’s clearly upset about something.”

“I have a business to run and I don’t need your two cents worth in this!” the manger snapped. “Nick..... here..... now!”

Keeping his vision set to the floor, Nick slowly slid his body from the seat, walking toward the booth.

“We seem to be having an attitude problem with you lately! Are you having some troubles that is affecting your attitude?”

“No sir,” Nick mumbled, keeping his gaze to the floor.

“You seem to think that this group runs on your schedule. Do you think it’s fair for the rest of us to wait until Nick Carter decides it’s time to get up or it’s time to eat?”

Nick winced hearing his name being called out sarcastically. He kept his eyes trained to the floor, tears pooling in his eyes. “No sir.”

“Speaking of eating, I see that you ate like a pig yesterday in your room. We’ve had a talk about your weight and how fat you’re getting---”

”That’s enough!” Johnny yelled.

“This is my charge,” Lou hissed glaring at his assistant manager. He quickly turned his steel eyed gaze back towards the young singer. “Nick I’ve told you time and time again that you’re getting too big. No one likes a fat teen idol.”

“I’m sorry,” came the mumbled reply.

This time it was Kevin that jumped to Nick’s defense. “There’s nothing wrong with Nick’s weight! If there’s any weight anyone should be concerned about it’s yours you fatass bastard!”

Lou Pearlman bore his eyes into Kevin’s. ”You’ve just lost phone priviledges, mister.” His comment was more of a growled statement rather than a command.

“Nick is only a teenager, his body is still changing and you don’t seem to take that into consideration!” Brian chipped in, desperate to get some sense into the obese manager. “And I’m sorry to say it too, but I agree with Kevin, you need to be concerned about your own weight.”

Pearlman started laughing and shaking his head. “You just lost your phone priviledges too....anyone else?”

”STOP IT! STOP FIGHTING ABOUT ME!” Nick yelled looking at his bandmates with teary eyes. “I’m nothing but a fat fuck up and I don’t need anyone’s help, okay? It’s my problem not yours! God I wish I was dead...”

His voice trailed off and he quickly left the living quarters and ran back to the safety of the bunks in the rear of the bus, covering his ears, desperate to block out the sounds of Kevin calling him back.

Ignoring Kevin’s calls, Nick threw himself into a bunk and drew the heavy curtains shut, blocking out any possiblity of light getting in.

“I’m nothing but a fat fuckup,” he mumbled to himself. “Everyone hates me.”

His stomach growled as if in reply to his comments.

“God my body doesn’t even respond to the diet pills.” Turning onto his side, he tried to ignore the gnawing feelings in the pit of his stomach. He was unsuccessful in his attempts and Nick wished he had taken his backpack with him when he ran to the bunks.

The tears that had pooled in his eyes finally spilled over. “I’m never gonna be anything but a fatass. Why do I even bother?”

“Two more weeks of this shit and I can sleep in my own bed,” AJ reminded himself as he looked out the bus window toward the hotel building they would be calling home for the next three days.

Johnny clamped a hand on the skinny man’s shoulder. “It’s all a part of what you signed your name on the dotted line for. It’s really not that bad, is it?”

AJ grunted a reply as he gathered his magazines and cd collection. He bumped into Brian as he tried to grab his duffle bag. “Watch where you’re walking freak!”

“Huummpf,” Brian sniffed as he tried to step around his bandmate.

AJ retorted by sticking his elbow into Brian’s side.

”HEY! That’s uncalled for!”

“You were in my way, excuse me all to hell.”

“McLean, you need to get more sleep,” Johnny annouced, shaking his head with a smirk on his face. “Littrell, go back and grab Carter, he obviously has fallen asleep again.”

Rubbing his side, Brian nodded. He wasn’t too far from where Nick laid when he heard the all-too-familiar sound of the young man snoring. Obviously fast asleep. Pushing the curtains aside, he pressed on the boy’s shoulder. “Nick... Nick, we’re at the hotel, time to get up.”

Nick squinted as he looked up toward the voice. He moaned and then rolled his back to him.

Brian, being the presistent person that he was, pushed Nick harder on the shoulder. “C’mon bro, you need to get up and go to bed.”

Pulling the comforter over his head, he managed to mumble, “Leave me alone.”

Brian tugged the thick blanket from Nick’s face. “You’re gonna suffocate--”

“I don’t care.”

“Come on bud, let’s get out of this smelly bus and into our rooms.”

“Go without me.”

Exasperated with the stubborn teen, Brian sighed loudly. “What the heck crawled up your butt?” He stood waiting for a response for a few moments and when he didn’t get any response, he shoved Nick hard on the back. “C’mon, I’m tired too.”

When Nick’s response was drawing the blanket back over his head, Brian screamed with his mouth closed. “You little creep!”

Bracing himself for another attack from Brian and his attempts at getting the blanket off him, Nick was surprised to hear footsteps going away from him.

Brian had left him!

“That’s okay, no one wants me around anyway. I’m a fuck up,” Nick mumbled as he shifted his body into a more comfortable position. He decided he would stay in his bunk for a few more minutes to make his own ‘personal statement’ about being left alone.

Nick shivered despite the thick blanket that was covering his body. The bus seemed dark and quiet.

Very quiet.

Stretching in his bunk, he decided he better gather his gear and head into the hotel. Sitting up, he was still trying to figure out why there wasn’t any noises coming from the bus. The constant humming of the engines were missing.

“Ray?” he croaked as he pushed the curtain aside. Panic started to set into his mind when he discovered that the running lights that were usually glowing on the bus were off. He scooched his body off the mattress and hopped onto the floor. “What the fuck? Hello? Ray?”

He walked away from the sleeping quarters toward the front of the bus. Surely the driver had to be up there, Nick thought to himself.

He was scared to peek under one of the shades that had been drawn shut on the bus windows unsure of what he would find. His heart seemed to be racing in his chest as he faught off the panic that was rising in his body.

“This is what you wanted, wasn’t it Nick?” he said aloud to himself. Sighing, he leaned on one knee across a seat and lifted up the corner of a shade. Instead of being met with a honey yellow glow of hotel lights or street lights, Nick was met with a blue-ish white glow of a mercury light and the backdrop of a small forest like grove of trees and a bunch of tourist buses and motor homes.

“Fuck.”

Not only had he been left alone, Nick realized, he had been driven to a parking lot for the bus to be stored while they stayed in the city for their three day venue. Scrambling out of his seat, Nick rushed over to the opposite side of the bus and again peeked out the window from under a shade.

“Awe shit!”

The hotel was no where to be seen. Reality had struck him in the face. He was not only alone, he was stranded God-knows-where in God-knows-what country. To top it all off, all of his belongings weren’t laying where he had left them.

“Oh this is just peachy, for the first time in my life someone decided to take my things into the hotel,” Nick moaned.

Stomping back toward the sleeping quarters, Nick debated on whether he should stay where he was at or leave the bus and find the hotel. Shivering as he thought his situation over, Nick rubbed his hands over his arms that he had folded across his chest.

“Shit, I can’t stay here, I’ll be a Nicksicle when they come find me tomorrow.”

“Hey Brian, have you seen Nick?”

Not bothering to look up to aknowledge Kevin, Brian kept on with his preoccupation of unpacking his suitcase. “Nope.”

“Has Howie mentioned seeing Nick?”

Brian hesitated for a moment, still not looking up. “Howie was out clubbing with Jay last night, I didn’t talk to him when he got back in.” Grabbing an armful of clothes, he stepped around Kevin. “Did you even think about asking Jay since he’s bunking with the kid?”

Kevin lightly slapped his forehead with the palm of his hand. “Gosh, I didn’t think about that, thanks cuz, what would I do without you? Of course I asked Bone but he was worthless in getting any information through a closed door!”

Leaning against the dresser, Brian stared at his cousin. “Why is it so urgent now that you need to know if anyone’s seen Nick this morning? Why not six hours ago when we first got here?”

“Six hours ago you said he was already in the hotel!”

“I did not!”

“You most certainly did!”

“When the heck did I say that?”

“When I met you at the elevators on the floor. I asked you if Nick was already in his room and you said yeah.”

Brian tried to remember the short conversation from last night. He remembered that they were all pretty tired and anxious to get to their assigned rooms and because of the arguing he and Nick had on the bus earlier, he traded rooms with AJ and opted to spend this venue with Howie. Going over the conversation in his head, he could only remember that he thought Kevin asked if everything was off the bus. He never asked him if Nick was off the bus.

“No, you asked me if things were off the bus!”

The two men stared at each other for a few moments when a sickening reality swept through their brains.

Kevin was the first to break the thick silence with a snort. “There’s no way that kid would be that stupid.”

“Yeah Nick can’t possibly be that dumb,” Brian added. “He’s probably wrapped up in his blankets in his room sleeping.”

The cool wind wasn’t what bothered Nick the most, it was the fact that his sock clad feet were starting to loose all feeling as he walked aimlessly in the slush toward the amber glow of what he hoped was civilization.

He caught a glimpse of himself as he walked past a store window. He quietly laughed despite himself realizing he probably looked more like a transient than an entertainer. Pulling the blankets tighter, he trudged on, the skyline was in his vision.

“What the hell...” AJ moaned softly when he was woken up by loud banging on the door to his room. Rolling onto his stomach, he grabbed a pillow and pulled it over his head, hoping to block out the noise.

He groaned when it not only persisted but grew louder. Lifting the pillow off to one side, he squinted his eyes trying to see the clock on his nightstand. “Seven ten? Oh for the love of God....”

Sighing, he dragged his body from the warm bed, wrapping a sheet halp-hazardly around his waist. “How many times do we have to tell you to take your goddam room card......Kev?”

Kevin Richardson pushed AJ aside as he entered the room. “Nick up yet?”

“Christ Kevin, it’s seven in the goddamn morning,” AJ mumbled, rubbing his bloodshot eyes. “Was he suppose to bunk with me, cause he didn’t check in with me last night.”

Cursing, Kevin removed his cell phone from his belt, punching several numbers. "Thomas, I need you to get detail to AJ's room ASAP, we have a situation."

After carefully explaining the situation to the head of their security as well as stressing the fact that none of this was to be repeated to Lou Pearlman or Johnny Wright or the police, Kevin grabbed his jacket.

“Okay, let’s go look--”

Kevin was stopped when a hand was placed firmly on one of his shoulders. “Mr. Richardson, you need to sit tight. We can take care of this.”

Shaking his head, Kevin disagreed. “You don’t understand. I have to go with you guys. Nick is my responsibility. I need to find him.”

“He is also our responsibility and that’s what we’ve been hired to do,” the bulky black westler-turned bodyguard replied in a firm voice. “You need to stay here and just sit and wait.” Sizing up the young man, grinning he added, “We don’t need you to cause any commotion and you said it has to be low profile.”

Sinking down into a chair, Kevin nodded in defeat. “Yeah, we can’t let Lou find out about this one. He’ll have a field day with Nicky.”

“I’ve got your number, we’ll keep in contact.”

The four men were silent as the bodyguards filed out of the room. AJ was the first to break in. “Why the fuck does that stupid ass kid do this to us?”

Kevin raked a hand through his thick hair. “I wish I knew.”

“He was upset,” Brian offered.

“I think Mr. Pearlman finally pushed Nick too far this time. I don’t think I’ve never seen him this upset,” Howie added softly.

Groaning, Kevin stood up and trudged toward the window. “I think I can safely say that I’ll be prepared for fatherhood when the time comes.”

Clutching the blanket tighter, Nick shivered. ‘How do I get myself into these jams?’ he thought miserably.

With each step he took, he was starting to feel more and more drained. He wanted to find a place out of the way to lay down and take a nap. Shivering, he dismissed the idea.

“No Carter, you have to keep your fatass moving,” he mumbled to himself.

Walking further, his thoughts preoccupied with keeping warm, he started to think of things that made him feel warm; blankets, clothes, the sunny beach in the back yard of his home, his Mom’s chocolate chip cookies fresh from the oven...

Nick’s stomach growled as the thought of cookies entered his head. He could actually taste the cookies and smell them.

“I miss Mom.” Tears started to well up in his eyes as he thought about the comforts of home and his mother. His mother always knew how to make him feel safe and secure and he wished she was standing beside him right now and make this bad situation go away. Sadly, he remembered that his mother was now too busy with Aaron’s career to be bothered with him.

“She doesn’t have time for a fatass failure,” Nick muttered, leaning against an abandoned building. His stomach growled again and he punched it hard.

”SHUT UP!”

Shaking his head he trudged on only after looking at his reflection in the dirty store window. “I’m such a fatass can’t even diet right either. I fucked that one up too.”

All Nick could see was fat. He didn’t realize that he wasn’t the person in the newspaper Pearlman had shown him a week or two ago. He had been losing some of the weight and although he wasn’t slim, he wasn’t fat either. He was just borderline “chunky”.

If anyone had been in hearing distance, they would have thought that Nick was certifiable with his nonstop rambling to himself. His thoughts went from his family, to himself and what a disappointment he must be to everyone and lastly to his girlfriend.

“Manda hates me too,” he mumbled, wiping the tears from his eyes. “Why did she ever stick around with me? I need her though. I have to buy her something to make this better. I can’t be alone. I need her,” he rambled.

As if God was listening to the young man’s complaints, the sky suddenly opened up and sheets of cold, driving rain pelted his face.

Pulling the blanket over his head for protection, leaving a small hole for him to see from, Nick sighed.

“Anyone else want to kick me? God is already against me!”

“Where the hell is that kid?”

“Kev... why don’t you just sit and chill? You’re driving me crazy with all the pacing dude.”

“AJ’s right, c’mon they’ll find Nick.... they always do. That’s why they hired them,” Brian reassured as he patted the seat on the couch.

Howie managed a slight, tight grin. “I’m sure there will be be some wild excuse when Nick comes back.”

Much to the trio’s pleas, Kevin shook off their suggestions and kept his endless pacing; pulling back the drapes and peering out the long window and checking to make sure his cell phone was turned on.

“God, you’re worse than my Gramma is,” AJ chuckled, shaking his head.

Sighing loudly, the tall man tugged a hand through his thick hair. The knob on the door to the adjoining room turned loudly, grabbing the attention of the worried men. As Kevin started toward the door, it flung open, producing two bodyguards with standing between them.

“Is he okay?” Kevin asked as he rushed over to his baby brother, sizing him from head to toe as if he were inspecting him for signs of injuries.

The younger of the two bodyguards smirked. “Yeah, he’s fine, nothing a hot bath probably can’t cure.”

Kevin glared at the man. “This isn’t funny.”

The bodyguard quickly wiped the expression from his face, still meeting Kevin’s glare, taking the challege.

“God Nick, you’re soaking wet and where’s your shoes?”

“We found him laying down in a doorway of an old building,” the other bodyguard offered.

“I-I-Im-m-m-m-m f-f-f-fi...”

“Nick needs to get out of those wet things or he’s going to get more sick than he probably already is,” Howie stated with sudden authority.

Brian jumped up. “I’ll go get the shower started.” He stopped as he stole a glance at his young brother. “My God Nicky, your lips are actually blue!”

As if to protect Nick from more embarrassment, Kevin gestured to the body guards that it was time for them to go, only after he offered a quick thanks for their services. “Remember, nothing goes beyond this room, to anyone. Am I clear on this?”

“Absolutely, sir.”

Kevin wrapped a protective arm around the shivering teen. “You need to get into a hot shower and get out of these things. After you warm up, we can talk.”

Nick only could follow Kevin’s lead toward the bathroom.

“I got the water set to the right temp... not too hot and not too cold,” Brian announced as he stepped aside to let Nick pass.

“Take your time, you need to thaw out, just make sure to holler if you need anything,” Kevin added and then closed the door softly.

With shaking hands, Nick tugged off the wet blanket. He stood for a moment staring at his reflection in the large steamy mirror. Fumbling with the button on his jeans, he stopped and decided to take his shirt off first, gasping when the his bare skin was met with the damp air of the bathroom. After several attempts, he was finally successful in unfastening the button on his pants, quickly shedding the rain soaked jeans.

Losing his balance only to recover before he fell to the floor, Nick sat down on the toilet seat and tugged his once bright white socks off his numb feet. The skin on his feet was red from being cold and Nick doubted he would ever get warm again or the feeling back as he rubbed them.

With teeth chattering and as boughts of chills wracked his body, Nick managed to step into the shower. The warmth of the water felt good as he enveloped his body in a comforting flow. He tried to get his fingers to wrap around the orange bar of soap that was sitting on the shower ledge, but gave up after a few tries, opting to wait until his body thawed out more.

“What the hell was he doing out there like that?” Kevin fumed, pacing the floor again. “Did you see how he was dressed? No shoes either!”

“Good God Richardson, you act like he could have been attacked or something,” AJ grumbled.

Kevin stopped his pacing and spun around to face AJ. “That’s not too far fetched.”

“Well it didn’t happen now, did it?” AJ mocked.

“How the hell do you know?” Kevin hissed, gesturing toward the closed bathroom door. “He couldn’t even talk because his teeth were chattering.”

“From the cold dummy, not from fear,” AJ corrected.

“Would you two just stop this and take neutral corners?” Howie snapped.

“Wait until Nick comes out of the shower, I’m sure he’ll be able to tell us what happened,” Brian suggested.

Sitting on the edge of bed, Kevin folded his arms defensively across his chest. “He better be able to.”

He felt like a sheep, ready to be ripped apart by hungry wolves. Piece by piece until there was nothing left. Just as helpless and useless. Just like a victim.

Shivering violently, despite the warm water that rinsed over him, Nick dreaded to leave the bathroom. It was his shelter, away from the yelling that he knew awaited him the moment that he set his foot outside the room. They, the guys, would yell to him that he was useless and that he couldn´t do anything right. They would say that he had pulled a dangerous stunt and that he should be happy that he didn´t get hurt in the process.

They would be angry at him. He knew it. It was his gut feeling. They would be mad at him just like Lou had been and Manda, yes even his mother. They all hated him. Thought he was nothing but a looser. One BIG looser.

He had been so scared when he had walked the streets in Warsawa, certain that he would never see his friends again. Never in his dreams had he thought that they would leave him all alone in an empty bus. That they had forgotten him like he was some kind of object. This, if anything, hurt more than he could ever imagine. The feeling of being unwanted. Unloved.

His thoughts were rudely interrupted by a sharp knock on the door. "Nick are you ok in there?" It was Brian that came to see how he was doing.

'So now you care?' he thought angrily. 'Where were you when I got dumped in the bus?' At first he ignored in answering but this resulted in Brian knocking even harder. Persistant. "Niiickkk, come onnn!"

"Leave me alooone!" he snapped back, hoping that Brian would have the sense to leave. Or was this what he really wanted? To be left alone? He wasn´t so sure anymore.

To his relief Brian was just as stubborn as he was and didn´t listen at all. "You done soon?" he yelled.

Nick wanted to scream NOOOO, but instead he could hear himself saying "Yeah in a bit. Just go!" His voice sounded weak and pitiful and he was close to banging his head against the tiled wall. When had he became this patethic?

After a brief silence Nick did his best to strain his ears to hear what was going on outside. He could make out Brian talking to someone in the background. Waiting with his breath down his throat he waited to see if Brian would take his words seriously and leave. Just when he thought that Brian had done it, left him, he heard his voice again.

"Are you hungry?"

If he was hungry? Were they joking with him or what? After spending the night with only one candy bar for breakfast he was starving. Starving down to his bones. To make a note of this, his stomach decided to growl loudly and in that moment he would have given anything to get something in his mouth. The tastebuds watered when his thoughts drifted off towards setting his teeth into a piece of steak or chicken. Anything would be good enough. Even that nasty health crap that Howie used to eat, sea weed. He didn´t care if it looked, smell and probably tasted like a a spitup furrball. This was how desperate he was. Yet he couldn´t get himself to eat anything.

A little devil was sitting on his shoulder, yelling into his ear that he was way too fat and if he ate anything more he would start to look gross. Swelled up like a balloon ready to pop. The devil was yelling to him that he didn´t need to eat anything since he was taking diet pills and it was all that he needed. He could live on them. It was either that or taking the laxative soloution, it was just up to him to decide.

Nick felt ripped apart. His stomach was telling him that he was hungry and wanted to be fed, while his mind said that he didnt need to eat anything. It was making him crazy.

"Sooo what is it going to be? Food or not?" This time it was Kevin who took charge, interrupting his painful thoughts. Nick wanted to yell. To tell how bad he hurt. Either that or cry. Which ever came first.

"I don´t want anything."

The devil had won again. His stomach made a loud growl in protest, folding over in the bathtub he mumbled, "Ohhhh shut up,will ya." Shaking his head he was close to crying. 'Great,' he thought desperately, 'look at me now I am talking to my stomach too. I´m getting crazy!' Looking down at his body he suddenly became violently ill and had to swallow hard from not heaving into the tub. All he saw was fat, greasy fat that jiggled when he moved. It made his stomach turn. He had to look away as he mentally noted that he had done the right thing in not to eat anything.

There was another knock on the door. This time louder and more persistant. God, couldn´t they leave him alone. Alone to dwell in his own misery.

"Nick?" Kevin again. Are you sure that you don´t want anything? We are going downstairs to eat."

"Nooo I said I wasn´t hungry didn´t I?" He was yelling so loud that his head and ears hurt. It was like he was trying his best to outvoice the growling in his stomach. Shivering, he awaited a response and true to his words it came.

"You sure? Are you alright?"

Upon hearing the concern Kevin uttered he felt bad for yelling at them. But then after all it was their fault that he was put in a mess like this, wasn´t it? If they hadn´t left him he wouldn´t have got lost and then he wouldn´t have to feel this bad either. Stubbornly he ignored his friends attempts to see how he was doing. Holding his hands to his ears he did his best to block out all noises. But he only succeded to bring more tears to his eyes.

Disgusted with himself Nick mentally slapped himself. 'Look at you whimp. You´re crying just like a baby. Lou is right you can´t hatch it in this business.' It was making him ill.

"Come on, you're gonna freeze to death." 'Like you would care,'Nick thought darkly when he heard Howie's voice on the other side of the door. They were all concerned for him but he didn´t give a shit. He wasn´t the one that had left them, they left him!

"We´re going away for a moment to eat. You sure that you don´t want anything?"

"NOOOO!!!"

The knocking and his friends calling out for him continued for a while until it became silent. It was then Nick saw his chance to leave his shelter. Grabbing a white towel he got out of the bath, wrapping himself up just like a mummy. Chills wracked his body since all attempts to get some warmth into his shivering body had failed. His teeth chattered something fierceful and looking into the mirror a ghostly pale, face stared back at him making him look like a zombie. "I..I..lo..lool li..like shi..shit!" he shivered. Stucking out the tongue to his reflection, he grabbed a pair of boxers intended to go out to meet his own destiny. The guys!

The moment he opened the door he expected to be attacked, but to his surprise he found the room to be empty and dark. A sigh of disappointment washed over him and he felt once more close to tears. They had left him again!

Didn´t he mean more to them than this?

It was cold in the room and even if it was midday Nick felt all exhausted. Barefoot he paddled over to the bed and sank down, deafeated. Shivering he wrapped the bedspread around him, intending to get some warmth before he would die from hypothermia. Sulking he thought over his situation. He knew they had a show that night so he better shape up his act.

Slowly some heat started to work it´s way into his body and he felt pretty good and safe. If only one of the guys had bothered to be with him. Sighing deeply he thought back at the previous night. Shuddering. It had to be one of his worst nights in his life. Never had he felt more alone and left out. So vanurable.

His eyelids were getting heavier for each minute and soon he found himself being unable to hold his eyes open. Laying down on the bed he thought that he would just get a quick shut eye and then he would feel better. As a shiver ran down his spine he wrapped himself tighter into the bed linens. His limbs ached and even tough he was too tired to move, his stomach made it impossible for him to fall asleep. He was way too hungry.

Holding his arms around his stomach he did his best to try to squell the hungerspells. This didn´t work and with a groan Nick sat up in bed. He needed to stiffen that hunger with water and some dietpills. With that in mind he paddled up in search for his jeans since he knew he had stuffed the bottle in his front pocket. When he couldnt detect the clothing he became desperate. What if anyone of the guys had found his bottle? His little secret?

Heat washed over him, not from temperature but more from fright and he started to frantically search for his pants. "God where did Kevin put them?" he yelled as he tore the room upside an down in search for the bottle. Close to tears he realized that it was futile and sank down on the bed like a sack of potatoes. Sobbing.

Life had fucked with him again.

Nick dreamed.

He was with the guys and they were having a concert. He was joking around with his friends and they laughed together. The fans screamed for him and he felt both special and loved. Suddenly the scene changed and he was all alone. He was in a dark alley and he called out for the guys, but no one heard him. Fright ran over him and when he was fighting to wake up he found himself sitting in a large dining room. Alone.

The large table was stacked with food and deserts and when he looked down on the plate in front of him he found that it was filled to the brim with all kinds of delicious treats. Just when he was about to stick his fork into the meat dripping with fat, a dark voice boomed behind him. Turning his head he was met with his manager's cold eyes.

"Sooo the fat teeny bopper is stuffing himself full." There was venom dripping in the manager's tone.

Not answering Nick said, "Where are the guys? Where is everyone?"

"They left." The answer was short.

"Left? No they can´t have!" Desperation was creeping up on him. Not wanting to be alone.

"Do you really think that they like a fat slob like you? A whiny fatso with a pot belly?" Lou started to laugh. "Look at yourself, you are so ugly that no one even wants to sit at your table. You can´t do anything right."

"Nooo that cant be true. They wouldn´t leave me. Never!"

"Oh grow up." Lou suddenly stopped laughing. "Do you honestly think that ANYONE cares for someone that looks like THAT!" he stuck his finger into the teen's belly so the fat jiggled just like a pudding.

"Manda and the fans like me."

"Manda doesn't give a shit about you," another voice was heard from the background. Looking over at his side he saw the guys stadning there, pointing fingers and laughing at him. " All Manda wants is your money." AJ grinned his eyes glowing with evil.

"That isn´t true!" Nick yelled, holding his hands infront of his ears not wanting to hear anything more. Tears rolled down his cheeks when he saw how his so called friends acted.

"Not even the fans like you. They want slim and well trimmed young guys and you are neither." This time it was Howie's turn to be nasty to him.

Nick felt panic dwelled up inside him. He couldn´t stand it anymore. "Stop it," he yelled. "Stop it!"

The face of Kevin's came into a view. "Besides do you think that anyone would care for someone that is as selfish and rotten as you are Nick?" He laughed loudly and then added, "Look at your self you are so fat that you can´t wear anything. Look at his belly"

Startled over the comment Nick looked down at his stomach and made a loud gasp. 'Oh noo this can't be happening,' he thought desperatly as he tried to cover his swelling belly with the table cloth. He was becoming bigger each minute, swollen like a big balloon. Fixing to explode. The guys laughed at him. Nick wanted to cry. This wasn´t funny at all.

"What´s the matter with me?" he cried. "What is happening? Why don´t you like me?" This was the culprit and he started to cry freely.

Brian stepped forward. "You are fat and ugly, you´re a wuss. How do you expect people to like you when you don´t even like yourself?" How could Brian, his best friend ever, say something like that to him? words hurt more than a knife wound in Nick's back, leaving him with a feeling of being backstabbed.

"Why are you saying this to me? What did I ever do to you? I thought you were my friends." Nick knew that he was whiny but he couldn´t help it. Tears as well as emotions dwelled up.

"Beacuse you are using this kind of shit!" Brian spat, holding up the small bottle of diet pills. "This," he continued through closed teeth, "this is something that only loosers do and we don´t like loosers, do we?" He turned to the rest of the guys with a grin and they grinned back.

"No we don´t. We don´t like loosers and you Carter are one!" Like if that wasn´t enough the air was suddenly filled with voices coming from all directions. They all yelled loudly; "LOOOOSEEERRR!!!"

Nick was fighting desperatly to wake up but the loud voices were screaming in his ears. He was trapped in the nightmare. "Noooo, Noooo," he yelled trashing with his head back and forth. "I´m not a looser, Nooo." His arms flared widely and he was soaking wet from sweat. It was in this position the guys found their little brother moments later...