You know those days when you don't wanna get up and then there are days when you wish you were never born? The story I'm about to tell you is one of those days when I wished that I was buried six feet under ground, when my life sucked even more than it usually does. When Kaos equals trouble....Okay here we go; I was somewhere in Europe, to be exact Spain and in Madrid and we'd just arrived from Italy last night when there was a loud noise interupting me;.......

"Nick...Nickyyyyyyyy...Kaos..." AJ sing-songed

Rolling onto my side, I peeked out from under my cocoon of blankets to check the time. I don't know why I wanted to know the time - we had a free morning and I was planning on catching up on some long overdue sleep. At least that was my plans until the scent of cigarette smoke assualted my nose. Groaning, I pulled the blankets down, leaving enough space to breathe.

"Hey Nicky! Let's do something this morning!"

'Shit....AJ!' I mentally cursed. I didn't dare move, hoping that he would think I was still sleeping. A forceful tap on my shoulder proved otherwise.

"Wakey wakey Nicky boy!" AJ rasped.

"I'm sleeping," I grunted through gritted teeth.

"No you're not."

"Just let me go back to sleep then!"

I had just positioned myself when AJ ripped the blankets off.

"C'mon kid, let's go do something!"

I grabbed the blankets off the floor and pulled them back on. "Jay, it's barely nine o'clock lemme sleep in for cryin' out loud....who the heck gets up at nine besides Kevin?"

AJ flashed a cheeky grin. "I've been up since six."

"Why?"

"You snore--"

"I do not!"

"And you farted and stunk up the room," AJ added.

"You probably smelled yourself," I defended as I punched the lumps out of the hotel pillow, laying back down once I was satisfied.

"C'mon Kaos, lets go out and check out that shop."

"Shop? What makes you think I wanna go out shopping with you? I thought that was Howie's thing."

"Howie is busy with some girl he met and he told me wasn't in the mood to go shopping. Something wrong with me wanting to go out with my little bro?"

I looked over at AJ suspiciously. "Yeah since you don't like me hanging around you....yeah, I would say that there is definately something wrong. Why not take Brian then he's into stuff like shopping for clothes."

AJ feigned a look of hurt on his face. "Nicky, I just wanted to spend some quality time with you. Besides he said he had to make some calls to somebody or something like that, so its just you and me kiddo."

I rolled over, my back toward AJ. "Spare me. I wanna sleep...wake me up at noon and I'll think about it."

Just when I thought AJ was going to leave me alone and accept the fact that I wasn't planning on going shopping with him on my morning off, I felt the clothes being thrown on the bed.

"Go grab a shower and put this stuff on, you're going out with me."

"Geeze.....where did you get off on being a control freak?"

"I'm not a control freak, I just figure you needed a little forceful persuasion."

"If you don't leave me alone and let me go back to sleep I swear I'll call Kevin and see what he says," I threatened.

"Kevin won't give a shit what you have to say," AJ snarled.

I knew he was right but a guy could at least try. "Well I ain't going with you."

"Kevin don't give a shit but I know someone would really want to know who actually took a dump on the bus yesterday."

There were two very important Backstreet Rules that were handed to us at the beginning of this tour by Louis J. Pearlman:

#1) Do not go anywhere without your bodyguards

and most important

#2) Do not shit on the tour bus!

I could feel the heat rising to my face. I knew I was breaking rule number two by taking a number two on the bus but nature called and I couldn't wait any longer. When a guy has to go, a guy has to go, right?

"You promised you wouldn't tell," I begged.

"I promised when I saw you walk out but that doesn't mean I wasn't gonna use it later."

My life totally sucked at that moment.

"So you gonna go with me Carter or do I have to go tell Lou?"

I glared at AJ as I dragged myself out of my warm haven. "I'll go...I'll go."

AJ clapped his hands together. "Great, you go shower and I'm going down the hall to tell Kevin where we will be going and grab our detail."

I stood in the bathroom staring at myself for a few moments before I started the task of brushing my teeth. I knew I looked like complete shit and I quickly decided that I would have been better off letting AJ narc on me and face Pearlman. It was too late now though, I thought wistfully. Out of habit, I grabbed the paper cup and filled it with tap water, rinising the toothpaste from my mouth. Without thinking I drank the rest of the contents before I remembered the rule that was drilled into my head by Kevin Richardson the very first time we toured Europe.

DON'T DRINK THE WATER

I shrugged my shoulders after I wiped my mouth off with the back of my hand.

"A little won't hurt."

Did you ever have a day where you felt like you were a fire hydrant and all your friends are dogs?

That would be me today, just call me Nick Carter, fire hydrant.

"Jay......can't we just go back to the hotel now?" I winced at the sound of my voice. I was whining but dammit, I felt like whining being dragged out into this God forsaken heat when I could have been sleeping in air conditioned comfort.

"Quit yer whining Carter we've only been gone an hour!"

"Try an hour and forty-five minutes," I announced after I glanced at my watch.

"Big whoop, like you had anything better to do," AJ countered.

"Sleep!" I muttered as I trudged a few paces behind.

"Sleep is over-rated Carter."

"You're only saying that because you can't sleep," I protested. "Besides, you've been known to take an 18 hour nap!"

"Pfsh...," AJ sputtered, "that was back when I was a baby.....like 17.."

"I'm not a baby!" I stuck my tongue out for emphasis, ignorning my bodyguard, D'wayne's chuckling.

"Whatever but I'm just telling you that when you're mature and an adult like I am you'll find out that there is more to this world than Ninendo games and sleeping in."

I rolled my eyes in digust. 'Where does he get off on acting like he's mister mature? Kevin would take him down in a heartbeat,' I thought darkly.

When AJ suddenly stopped in front of a store window, I ran into his back. "How much longer are we staying out?" I pouted, wincing when I felt a cramp race across my midsection. "I need to go to the bathroom," I mumbled. I watched as AJ continued into the store he had just paused in front of, obviously not hearing me. As another sharp cramp made its presence known I knew I was in trouble finding a bathroom. We weren't in America where public restrooms were as common as speaking Spanish in Spain.

D'wayne clamped a hand on my shoulder. "Something wrong?"

"I need to go back to the hotel," I said quietly, adding, "that or find a bathroom."

D'wayne dragged his hand across his face. "That isn't gonna be too easy."

AJ turned around. "What's the problem Kaos?"

"I need to go back to the hotel."

AJ shook his head. "No can do, I told you that you had to go shopping with me or I narc on you about the bus."

"I-I don't care," I stammered. Why did I always stammer when I got nervous? Taking a deep breath, I cleared my throat. "I just have to go back and I'm taking D'wayne with me so I'll be fine."

D'wayne leaned in toward AJ. "He needs to use the bathroom."

I knew I was in for problems when AJ hooked a finger on the edge of his sunglasses to peer over them at me. "Really?"

"Don't," I warned.

My worst nightmare came true. As if in slow motion, I watched AJ approach the sales woman behind the counter. "Excuse me, my friend needs to use the toilet."

Remember when your mother would do horrible things to embarrass you in a public place like feel the room space in your crotch when you try on a pair of pants for school? AJ could do worse things to me and with the growing crowd this was not the time for him to cause a commotion.

I knew that what I had to do in the bathroom wouldn't be very good so I quickly waved him off. "It's okay, I'll just head back to the hotel."

The woman stepped away from the counter. "You can use ours," she offered in broken English.

"No....it's okay."

AJ had a cheesy grin plastered on his face. "Just go in there wouldja Nick?"

"Go on Nick," D'wayne encouraged.

Okay, now this was going to heap humilliation ontop of embarrassment! The cramps that were starting to come quicker suggested I better take up on the offer or I was sure to shit my pants!

"We'll be out here, unless you need someone to come in and hold it for you," AJ teased.

I walked down the dark hall like a comdemned man on death row. I breathed a sigh of relief. At least it was far enough in the back of the store where no one would walk by and smell or even worse - hear my bathroom chore!

"Right in there," the woman said as she gestured toward a small room. "Sorry about the door, we have been remolding but you be okay."

'Could things get any worse?' I thought to myself as I nodded a thanks to the older woman. Just as I sat down and started to find relief did the answer come.

One square of toilet paper hanging on the spool next to the toilet! It looked like a worm dangling on a hook as it seemed to wave at me!

"Shit....shit.....shit!"

I looked around the dark room hoping to see another roll of toilet paper but I wasn't so lucky. I did discover that there were at least paper towels by the sink so at least I had some luck. My only problem would be I would have to get up to retrieve the paper towels and hopefully not be seen since a door to the bathroom was nonexistent.

Finally after what seemed like forever and one sore butthole later did I slowly make my way back into the main area of the store.

"There you are! I thought you fell in," AJ laughed.

'Great, just announce it to the world,' I thought darkly. "Lets just go back to the hotel now, okay?"

"Did you shit your pants?"

"Why do you have to be so blunt?"

"I'm just curious why you're so anxious to get back to the hotel is all."

I threw my hands up in the air. AJ McLean was next to impossible sometimes!

"Just cause I've had enough togetherness with you for the day. C'mon D'wayne, let's go."

Instead of staying back and shop, AJ seemed to be more intent on following me back to the hotel, asking too many stupid questions and annoying the hell out of me. Just when I thought I had finally reached peace and quiet an angry looking Kevin Richardson pretty much told me that this was going to be far from peaceful or quiet.

"Okay, I realize you guys had to go out shopping, but don't you remember that I said you needed to be back before noon?"

"Don't yell at me, yell at him," I answered as I flung my body, face down ontop of the bed.

"Do you think this is a game?"

"We would have been on time if we didn't have to wait for Kaos to take a fifteen minute shit," AJ defended.

Groaning, I rolled onto my back. "You over exaggerate."

"I swear Kev, fifteen minutes....I thought Nick fell in or something."

"Spare the details," Kevin spat. "I got my ass chewed by management and when they chew on my ass, I chew on yours."

As I opened my mouth to defend myself, a sharp knock on the door drew Kevin's green eyed glare away from me.

"It's obvious none of you guys know what noon means now, does it?" Kevin barked after he answered the door.

"Brian was suppose to wake me up at eleven," Howie said.

"You never asked me to do that," Brian retorted. "Besides, I was a little busy and don't they have hotel operators to do a wake up call?"

"Enough with the bullshit excuses! We've gotta bust ass to get down to the lobby as it is," Kevin growled.

So much for a little nap before duty calls.

We had only been in the shuttle van for two minutes when AJ started flicking his fingers on my leg.

"Ouch! Knock it off!"

"Move your fat ass over then."

"You two keep quiet back there," Lou Pearlman growled.

"I'm over where I should be," I whispered, keeping an eye on the back of Pearlman's head. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Kevin's hand reach out and smack AJ up the side of the head.

"Leave him alone!"

"I just asked Carter to move his butt and give me some room," AJ replied as he rubbed the side of his head, throwing a dark look in my direction. "Quit laughing!"

"I can't help it, it's funny," I snickered.

As the van pulled up to the television studio, Pearlman turned around in the front seat. "Okay I want the nonesense to stop. You are to act professional and answer the questions like a professional and for the love of God, Carter make sure you don't say anything that will make the rest of us look like idiots!"

"Why do you say that about me?"

"Because it's true. If you don't know about it, don't offer to know about it. Your last blunder is still haunting us!"

"Huh?"

"I resign in Florida....don't try using big words Carter you sound stupid when you talk. Let Richardson do the speaking, got it?"

I could feel the heat rise up to my cheeks. I realize I have said some dumb things in the past but most people have said some things that they wished they hadn't? Right? So why does he keep reminding me what I did a year ago? "Yessir."

"Good. Okay remember, Backstreet smiles boys."

I couldn't help but feel sorry for myself as I followed the rest of the guys out of the van into the building. Good thing that I had only took a big swallow of the tap water or I would have found myself sitting on the porcelin thrown most of the afternoon. I realized trouble always found me but I was planning on making this interview a success without any fuck ups to be thrown in my face two months down the road.

Once we had gone through the process of stage make up, we were directed to the studio where a female interviewer sat.

"Hello, my name is Gina," the dark haired woman smiled broadly.

Kevin quickly introduced himself and then the rest of us. He took the seat next to the woman and the rest of us followed behind him, I was suppose to sit next to him but for some reason, I found myself sitting at the end of the row of chairs, next to Howie.

Just as the live interview started - it happened - as I opened my mouth to make a comment a loud burp escaped and I quickly clamped a hand over my mouth to try to cover it up. I was quickly rewarded with a hard elbow from the Latino, with Kevin giving me an evil glare and Brian and AJ laughing loudly.

"There you go, another one of Nick's many talents," AJ grinned. "Be grateful it was just a burp!"

More laughter followed at my expense.

"S-sorry it slipped out," I apologized sheepishly. Great, this was going to be another chapter in the Nick Carter book of fuck ups.

After a few minutes of listening to Kevin drawl on about how pretty Spain was and how it compared to Kentucky which I knew was pure bullshit did I suddenly realize that the taping had stopped and everyone was staring at me. I had spaced out!

"Could you repeat the question?"

The woman smiled patiently. "I asked what you have enjoyed since you've been here in Spain?"

"I love the tacos," I replied and smiled wildly for emphasis. "All the Spanish stuff, the Spanish rice is awesome."

"Nick, shut up," Howie mumbled as he looked at me. "You're making yourself look stupid."

It was funny how Howie could talk without moving his lips. He was yelling at me but seeming to smile the whole time.

Kevin, always the showman jumped in. "What Nick is trying to say...."

Kevin Richardson to the rescue. I stopped listening to his explanation after the first couple of words. I knew I was going to hear all about it on the ride back to the hotel. I don't know what I said that was wrong. I never do. I think they must be jealous or something.

As soon as I returned to the bus, I quickly slipped into a seat next to the window, pretending to be busy so that I wouldn't get asked any awkward questions or even more - be lectured or scolded by my band brothers may have in mind for me! My shitty life seemed to such more each day. As soon as Brian dumped his butt in the empty seat beside me did the questions start pouring out. Okay, his questions weren't as bad as they would be if there were coming from Kevin, but they still sucked. My best defense was to ignore him and play total preoccupation with the string on my jacket.

I think Brian finally gave up and got tired of me answering his questions with an occasional grunt or one syllabel answers that he thankfully turned his attention to AJ and started talking to him instead. My happiness was short lived when I heard the not-so-happy booming voice of Kevin Richardson.

"Carter! What the hell was that all about?"

I didn't bother to look up, by the sound of his voice I knew he would be standing by me, his face beet red and that one vein sticking out on his forehead looking like it would explode at any moment. "Sh-h-h, you don't have to yell, I'm not deaf ya know." Swallowing hard, I decided to look tough and I managed a glare at Kevin as I looked up. "What are you talking about?"

Looking down at my hands I suddenly decided that looking up wasn't a smart move on my part. I was right, that blood vessel in Kevin's forehead looked like it was pulsating

"What do I mean?" Kevin repeated my question with a sarcastic chuckle. I could tell he was pretty annoyed with me playing innocent. "Gee Nick, I'm not sure if it was the spacing out or answering the questions with stupid comments---"

"Don't forget about Kaos burping!" AJ interrupted with a grin.

I could feel the humiliation spring to my cheeks as I slumped down in my seat.

"Stay out of this!" Kevin wheezed.

"Thanks Kevin," I replied gratefully. I figured a guy has to show his appreciation, right? Maybe this would get me off the hook by acting humble and sort of respectful.

"Shut up Nick!"

Or not.

Kevin rubbed a hand over his face. I knew from past experiences this was not a good sign. "You've got me so pissed I forgot where I left off--"

"Carter burping and spacing out," AJ added.

"Yeah...that's right," Kevin said as he turned his attention back to me.

"Sh-h-h," Brian acted as if his cousin was yelling and he seemed to be trying to calm the older Kentuckian down. Unfortunately I knew it didn't work when I saw the famous Kevin Richardson glare tossed over at Brian.

I sighed. Kevin was going to chew me out and I could see Lou and AJ grinning the whole time I was sitting in the hotseat. They were enjoying my hell for their entertainment. He was chewing on my ass and I didn't see an end in site. Instantly I felt as if I had been transported thousands of miles away and I was standing in the kitchen at home with my mom yelling at me for not taking out the trash. Okay that really isn't the best comparisions but that was exactly how I felt and the tears were starting to blur my vision.

Kevin was still yelling and I didn't dare look up at him or he would see the tears in my eyes. I didn't want him to call me a pussy! Hell, I didn't want any of them to call me a pussy ontop of all the other nicknames they have given me. I had to stand up and defend myself. It was duel or die time and I was going to face the evil demon.

Kevin Richardson, king of Backstreet Land! Ruler of the tour, creator of crea-----

"Nick you're not answering my question!"

Shit, I spaced out again! I took in a deep breath. "Okay Kev, it's not my fault," I cried. "Blame AJ. He was the one that dragged me out of bed when all I wanted to do was sleep and then he forced me to go..." A warning glare from AJ told me I better shut up or he would take action on his threat of spilling who stunk up the bus the other day and I for sure would be in for more scolding. I knew I had to continue and I swallowed hard, backing up the statement. "I mean I happened to drink the stupid water and then..." I bit my tongue. Did I just mention that out loud? Shit did I? Maybe if I keep going he'll forget it. "I-I mean I really didn't want to go out and stuff and---"

"You drank the water?"

Oh shit, I guess he heard me. Worse, Lou Pearlman had stopped grinning and joined Kevin's lecture.

"Carter! When will you ever listen?"

God how I wished the floor would open up and drop me out on the road. It was bad enough that Kevin was lecturing me, now I had Lou, Kevin and Howie telling me the importance of not drinking foreign water. Like I didn't already know that? I'm still suffering the side effects and by the light cramps in my stomach I wondered if I would make it back to the hotel in time. I felt like such a baby with the way they were yelling at me. I'm not a child.....I'm seventeen for crying out loud!

That very moment tears sprung into my eyes. I kid you not, I blinked several times trying not to let anyone see what was about to happen. Just when I thought this was it, the feelings of touring non stop for the past three months and having zero privacy, I felt an arm placed around my shoulder. Turning my head, I saw that it was Brian and for some reason my enemies had stopped talking.

"Are you okay Frack?" Brian's tone was soft and his eyes showed concern.

I forced a smile on my face. "Sure.....I'm just tired is all." I tried my best to act like it was nothing even though I was on the verge of having a nervous breakdown. "Really, I'm just tried."

Brian's eyes told me that he didn't believe me; we knew each other all too well. I braced myself for questions when I heard my best friend sigh but the words he said wasn't in the form of a question. "Okay, just make sure you try and rest a little when we get back."

I nodded slightly as I turned my attention to the passing scenery. As much as I loved being with the guys and touring there were days that I still wished for some type of normalcy in my life. All I wanted today was peace a quiet. Was that too much for a guy like me to ask?

As the bus pulled up to the front entrance of the hotel, I could feel my heart beating in my throat. It looked like a thousand screaming girls were staked out between the bus and the front door.

"Backstreet time guys!" Lou shouted.

Groaning, I stood up to face the masses when the strap of my backpack for some reason brushed my eyeball.

For some reason this day isn't getting better.

The pain was so instant and overwhelming that I swear to God I felt like I was going to piss my pants. Rubbing my eye, I sat back down in my seat, letting out every cuss word I had in my vocabulary. My swearing didn't last long before the grammar police spoke.

"Nick, stop swearing, what's wrong?"

Good ole daddy Kev. "My strap hit my eye," I explained as I looked up at him with one eye.

Kevin started to reach for my hand. "Let me see."

I knew instantly that there was no way in hell I was going to take my hand away from my eye. For some reason the warmth of my palm magically made my eye hurt less. "Nope, I'm fine."

"Then let me see," the older man continued.

Boy, why doesn't anyone listen to me? "I said I was okay."

"If you're okay then it won't hurt to look at it."

"Geeze Kev, why are you making such a big deal over it?"

Kevin squatted next to my seat. "Because I can tell you're in pain. Just let me see it and I'll leave you alone."

I rolled my eyes and gasped when I quickly realized that any movement made that eye hurt worse. "Shit.."

"Don't cuss, just show me your eye," Kevin spoke in a firm voice.

Judging by Kevin's face when I took my hand away from my face, I knew it wasn't good.

"Jesus Nick, can you open that eye?"

"It is...." Kevin was looking at me like I was a two headed freak.

"Great...just great," he muttered.

"I didn't do it intentionally," I defended myself as I heard Kevin swear under his breath.

"We'll have to have Lou get ahold of someone to look at it."

"I poked myself in the eye, geeze don't make a federal case over it Kevin."

Sighing, the older man stood up. "Well we better get off the bus, everyone else is in the hotel already and for chrissake, don't keep your hand over your eye when we leave the bus, people will start to wonder what you're doing."

That's Kevin for ya, he always worries about appearances more than anything. I knew my eye was watering so that probably didn't look the greatest to anyone that looked at me, but heck, we'll be running toward the hotel so it's not like anyone would think I was crying or something weird like that.

I was wrong. As soon as we got off the bus, I could swear I heard girls asking if I was crying. Great! Now the public would think I was a pussy! Then it happened - I distinctly heard someone - Kevin punched Nick in the eye.

Bad press and message boards will be running wild with this topic. I could see it now: Nick Carter punched in the eye by Kevin Richardson over a girl.

Yeah, me and Kev fighting over a girl. I'm such a stud that he would have to fight me for the many women that throw themselves to me.

"NICK! C'MON!"

How did Kevin get so far ahead of me? Shit! I spaced out again!

I finally got to the safety of the hotel lobby when I got another quick lecture from Kevin. That would be two lectures in one day for me....hopefully that wouldn't top my personal record of four in one day. That was a particularly bad day for me if I recall right. It was early in the tour. I had two left feet and I kept messing up the dance steps and Kevin was in a foul mood and he kept yelling at me for not paying closer attention to Fatima. When it came time for lunch, Kevin got on my case about proper diet and got into me about my eating habits. Then my cell phone rang during a recording and he tore into me like a rabid dog.....okay, wait that was three times I got lectured that day, not four. Anyway there is no way that is going to happen again.

Once we got back to our assigned room, Kevin went into the doctor mode and told me to come into the bathroom with him.

"I'm not that kind of guy Kevin," I joked. I was instantly rewarded with a dark look.

"There's better lighting in the bathroom, come in here so I can see your eye."

"I'll save you the details.....they're blue," I joked quietly.

The quiet in the hotel room was suddenly interrupted when Howie, AJ and Brian bolted in.

"Whoa Nicky, what the heck happened to your eye," Howie asked, concern evident in his voice.

"Dude! Did Kevin finally punch you like he's always threatening to do?" AJ cackled.

"It's not that bad," I replied, putting my hand to my face.

"I didn't hit him," Kevin called out from the bathroom. "Nick, get in here so I can look at your eye!"

Kevin spoiled my moment of glory. It would look like I was totally tough if we had gone into battle, I thought to myself as I slowly made my way into the bathroom.

"Lets leave the door open," Kevin ordered as I stepped into the room.

"Like I was gonna close it, you queer," I snapped.

As much as I wanted to open my eye for him to inspect it, the bright lights in the bathroom prevented me from doing so. After a few minutes of struggling, he finally gave up.

"I'm calling Pearlman," he muttered as he made his way to the phone.

I instantly panicked. That was the last person on Earth I wanted to have involved in my life. Lectured by Louis J. Pearlman was not high on my list of fun things to do on a tour. "Kevin don't" I whined.

"You need to have a doctor look at that," Howie said as he placed a hand on my shoulder.

"I just got poked in the eye, no big deal, I'll put a warm washcloth on it and it'll be all good," I promised.

As much as I tried to protest intervention with Lou, Kevin ignored me and when the hotel doc left the room, I wanted to cry when I looked at the tube of ointment in Kevin's hand.

"Since I know you won't follow doctors orders Nick, I will be in charge of this."

"Three times a day, that has to suck," AJ rasped.

"Way to go kiddo," Brian smirked at my expense.

Thousands of miles away from home and I give myself a corneal abrasion and have to have Kevin Richardson pry my eyelid open three times a day to put salve in it. My life does totally suck.

"How much time is left before we have to go to that photo shoot?" Howie asked.

Photo shoot? With my right eye looking like I lost a fight? "Don't you think I can stay back at the hotel since my eye looks bad?"

"Nope, you have to go with us," Kevin replied.

"Peachy," I sighed as I ran a hand through my hair. What else could happen to me in a day?

"There is no amount of makeup in the world that will fix that eye," the photographer spat as he looked at me.

"I kept telling them I can stay back at the hotel.....you really don't have to have me in the picture," I begged.

The tall man shook his head as he positioned the stools in front of the blue canvas. "I was told to photograph five boys and five boys I will be shooting."

If his accent wasn't so funny sounding, I was sure I would had a nervous breakdown. The teasing from the AJ and Brian was bad enough but Lou Pearlman's threats were enough to send any sane person over the edge. It wasn't that I couldn't open my eye, it was the fact that it was red and puffy looking that had everyone up in arms about the situation.

"Maybe if we stick Kaos in the back in a dark corner," AJ suggested as he stood next to the photographer.

Brian chuckled as he added, "How about putting a bag over his head?"

"Ha...ha, real funny guys," I said as I made my way over to the area the photographer wanted me to sit. "It really doesn't look that bad. You're just making a big deal over nothing."

"Whatever Nick....you just look like you lost a fight with a girl," AJ taunted as he took his seat next to me.

"Knock it off Jay!"

Thank God for Kevin Richardson. He could be a real hard ass sometimes but he always came through in the end when someone was picking on me too much.

"Thanks Kev," I flashed a grateful smile at the older man as he took his place behind me.

"Maybe we could have Nick sit in a profile position, with the right side of his face toward the background."

I glared at Kevin, he could be a nice guy but he can also be a total asshole! "Why doesn't anyone believe me when I say that my eye doesn't look that bad?"

"Because it does!"

I winced when the rest of the guys made their observation loudly at the same time. Boy how I wished this day was over!

In what seemed to take forever, the photo shoot mercifully came to an end. My jaw was sore from smiling for an hour straight, not to mention my aching back. I'm only 17 but I felt like I was 87 at this point. Jumping up to leave, I felt a hand grab my shoulder.

"Where you going, little man?"

"I was gonna go back upstairs and lay down until sound check."

"Nope, we're having lunch in the hotel conference room."

"Count me out, I'm not hungry, I'm really beat," I pleaded.

"Wish I could Nick, but this is a PR meeting and it's mandatory."

I could feel the tears pooling into my eyes. PR meetings meant lots and lots of people staring at me while I ate and stuff. I really didn't want to be in a fishbowl when I felt like I had been up for a week straight. "Please Kev? Can't I just go back to my room?"

Kevin closed his eyes as he sighed. Maybe he was going to cave and let me have my way!

"Nick, I hate it when you whine."

"I know but---"

"Anyway, you can just play nice and suck it up for at least another hour. It's not gonna kill you and besides you have to eat."

Crap.....crap.....crap! I hate having obligations when my bed was practically calling me!

Taking my seat in the small conference room, I was anyplace mentally but in that room. I figured this was all gonna be about money and deals so I really didn't need to pay attention. Kevin was there, it was his job to be the spokesman for the group. Howie poked me in the ribs and motion for me to look over to my left. Judging by the evil glare I was getting from Kevin, I had been asked a question and naturally I got caught spacing out.

"C-could you repeat the question?"

An older man wearing a business suit cleared his throat. "I asked you what you thought of our beautiful city?"

I tugged the collar on my shirt as I squirmed in my seat. Where the heck are we right now? Germany.....France......Sweden? Everything seemed to run together and I just couldn't keep anyplace straight. We even have the name of the venue taped on the entrance to the stage so we were reminded of the place we were at before we went on stage. I'll be damned that I didn't have that type of help right now since I was blanking out. "Um...I really haven't had a chance to see your city but I'm sure it's beautiful," I replied, adding the Backstreet smile for emphasis.

I caught Kevin's eye after my comment and judging the look of contentment on his face, I passed the test and answered appropriately. I paid attention to the rest of the PR meeting. Thankfully, lunch was served - plates loaded with shrimp and shellfish. Each person was given a large glass of white wine, including me! My joy was short lived when Kevin had Howie take the wine away from me.

"Nick gets a little goofy on wine. Get him a coke and he'll be happy."

No thank you Kevin! Pepsi.....you know I like Pepsi! I mentally shouted. I tried to look happy as I took a forkful of the shrimps and even forced a look of enjoyment when the greasy dish slid into my mouth. It wasn't until the hot spices started my mouth on fire did I really wish I had that coke sitting in front of me. I looked desperately around the table for something to put the fire out! Just as Howie was putting his glass of wine to his mouth, I reached over and grabbed it from his hand. Ignoring the reprimand from the Latino, I gulped the beverage, silently praying it would quench the fire in my mouth.

"Geeze Nick, take it easy on the liquor," AJ smirked.

"Nick! Have you completely lost your mind?" Kevin hissed.

"That shrimp was hot.....I had to cool my mouth down," I pled my case.

"If you blow on it before you stick it in your mouth, you wouldn't have that problem," Brian said as he leaned over the table to whisper.

"It wasn't hot as in heat hot...it was spicy hot....I dunno, just skip it."

A waitress approached the table and placed a bowl of red soup in front of me. I was afraid of how spicy this would be so I was cautious before I put a spoonful in my mouth. I was surprized at how good it tasted. Soon, everyone was eating the soup and forgetting about what had happened with the hot shrimps. Thank God!

After a few moments of quiet eating did my bladder announce that I needed to go use the facilities....now!. I pushed my chair away from the table. "Excuse me please."

"Where are you going?"

Why did Kevin need to know everything I do? "Um, I just have to go."

"Go where?"

I rolled my eyes. God Kev could be so thick sometimes. "You know.....go?"

By the look on Kevin's face, I was grateful to see that what I had to do finally connected. "Oh....okay. Hurry back."

"Yeah, I will..."

Looking back now, I don't know why I didn't feel something pull on my pants. Why didn't I stop? I only took two or three steps away from the table and not until I heard the yells and the crashing sound did I realize that somehow the table cloth had gotten tucked into my zipper or something.

Dishes crashed to the floor and food flew through the air, hitting almost everyone that was seated at the table. I wanted to crawl into a hole and die on the spot. I had to ask what else could go wrong today and I got the answer.

Okay so I get rudely awoken from my bed this morning, forced to go shopping with AJ, space out on television during an interview, get poked in the eye with my backpack, made fun of at a photo shoot and now this! I think I should have stayed in bed today. Mom always told me trouble comes in threes. I think I had my share of enough bad luck today.

Things will be better now!

I tried my best to ignore AJ as he kept pacing around the green room, like a panther on a prowl. The sound check had gone okay; at least I didn't have any more screw ups for them to add to my growing list but for some reason AJ kept bringing up the luncheon disaster.

"You should have seen that guy when that hot soup got dumped into his crotch," AJ snickered.

"You've repeated this story oh, I dunno how about seventeen times already. Don't you think it's getting a little old by now?" I snarled as I pushed the walkman into my back pack. I threw a glare in his direction hoping he would get the hint but the look on his face told me he wasn't going to give up anytime soon.

"And that waitress.....oh god and the look on Train's face!"

I was beginning to wonder if Kevin left me alone with AJ just to punish me. At least Brian and Howie would come to my defense...well maybe not Brian in this case but at least I could rely on Howie Dorough to come to the rescue. He can be pretty mature about things. "Why don't you shut up about it?"

"Because this is never gonna get old," AJ laughed as he perched on the arm of the couch.

"At least for you but some people actually move on AJ," I hissed as I delibertly walked away from my tormentor. "Kevin said they'd be back in a few minutes...." I muttered as I looked up at the clock on the wall.

"Hitting yourself in the eye.....now that is a classic Nick Carter move there!"

I wanted to wring his boney neck just as soon as look at him. Who the hell does he think he is? I can remember a few times where he wasn't so graceful on stage! "Yeah well you fell in front of about 10,000 people a month ago!"

"Yeah but at least I didn't split my pants in front of 20,000 fans!"

I closed my mouth. Shit....he did have me there.....when is Kevin coming back? Why is he leaving me here alone with AJ? Is this my punishment? The answer to my prayers came when the door opened and the rest of the guys filed in. "Where the heck were you guys?" I asked. My voice sounded pretty pathetic, hopefully I was the only one that noticed.

"Geeze Carter, you sound like you're gonna cry," AJ teased.

Okay the worst possible person noticed but I wasn't gonna let that get to me. "I was not!" There, that should shut him up.

"I was not!" AJ repeated in a whiney voice.

"AJ stop picking on Nick," Kevin directed as he smacked AJ on the back of the head.

AJ scowled as he placed a protective hand over the offended area. "What the fuck did you do that for?"

"Stop getting Nicky all worked up," Howie agreed softly.

"Yeah we want a happy Frack onstage," Brian said as he placed an arm around my shoulder.

"What about me? I didn't do anything and Train smacks me up the side of the head. My ma never did that to me!"

"Probably cause your foul mouth is never within ear shot of the woman," I informed with a toothy smile.

"NICK....drop it!" Kevin growled as he narrowed his eyes at me.

Why do I always get blamed for things I didn't do? "Everyone else can say things to AJ but me?" I pouted.

"Just take a seat and relax before the show, okay? We don't need you worked up before you have to work," Kevin said as he pointed at the couch.

I know I had been sitting on the couch sulking for at least 45 minutes, ignoring anyone's attempts to cheer me up but dammit, I always get blamed for stupid little things and when I try to join the adults in their conversation it's always 'Nick keep quiet or Nick you don't know what you're talking about' some days I wish they would see just how important I can be to a conversation!

I watched as AJ flirted with some girl that was a friend of a friend of a friend in the business - a nice way of not calling her a whore if you ask me, but anyway I was used to being ignored when we were told that it was time to get ready to go onstage. It was also the time that my bladder announced that I should go use the facilities since this was going to be a long show.

As I walked down the dim corridor toward the bank of rest rooms, I couldn't remember if I told someone where I was going or not. Thinking back, I did remember that no one really seemed to care and that Howie sort of waved his hand at me as if I was interrupting his conversation with some dark haired woman. Screw them! Another cramp went through my stomach and I gritted my teeth as I tried to will it to go away. If only I hadn't drank that little bit of tap water.

I passed the rest rooms that were by the green room. With my luck my body would make noises and AJ would hear them for sure and have something new to pick on! And because of that too, there was no way in hell I was gonna ask a body guard to come with me. No way! This would be too embarrassing!

It probably wasn't a smart idea using the public rest rooms but geeze, 99% of our fans are female so I think I'm pretty safe using the mens room. It would be as safe as being in my own bathroom at home, right?

"Where the hell is Nick?" Kevin questionsed as he looked around.

"He was here two seconds ago," Brian replied.

"Figures.....Kaos goes AWOL before the show," AJ rasped. "Let's just go, he'll figure it out, he was here when we were told to get ready to go on."

I had just opened the door to leave the rest room when I realized I was in trouble - BIG TROUBLE. A sea of fans were standing in the hall. I could feel the panic rise as I smiled nervously at the excited fans. Before I had a chance to react, it happened......they rushed me! I suddenly found myself being pushed backwards into the mens room. I kept trying to yell at them to calm down but my yells were apparently falling on deaf ears since they were pushing me more and more.

The next thing that happened was a jolt of white light as my head made contact with the hard tiled bathroom floor.

Then it went dark.

At first the girls went into a frenzy when their idol had slipped to the floor. Being able to touch his hair, his shirt and even his face was more than they could possibly hope for. It went on for a few moments before someone realized that Nick wasn't resisting, infact he wasn't struggling at all!

"Oh my God! Nick is dead!" a girl screamed. This caused more pandemonium as the young women tried even harder to reach their fallen idol. Some girls burst into tears and others ran screaming from the rest room. This caught the attention of the body guards that had been dispatched to find the young teen.

"Ladies....step back!" one of the men yelled as he pushed his way through the crowd. The girls obediently stepped away from Nick, forming a tight circle around him.

"He-he's dead, isn't he?" a dark haired girl cried.

The man knelt down beside Nick, pressing a finger into the side of his neck. "He's unconscious. EVERYONE GET OUT!"

Four of the Backstreet Boys stood waiting in the dark, offstage. "Where the hell is Nick at?" Kevin growled as he looked over in the direction where the blonde should be appearing from.

"Kaos always picks the worse times to go missing," AJ pointed out.

"I'm starting to get a little worried," Brian stated as he fingered the mic by his mouth.

"I'll go back to the green room and see if he went back there looking for us," Howie offered. Just as he started to turn to leave, AJ stopped him.

"I bet the kid went to find some snacks, I'll go there and look."

"We can't have everyone go looking for Nick right before we're suppose to go on," Kevin sputtered as he ran a hand through his hair.

"So what do you suggest?" Brian asked.

Kevin leveled a glare at his bandbrothers. "I suggest you keep your butts planted and I'll go back to check the toilet by the green room."

"I still think the kid is getting candy," AJ mumbled as he watched Kevin quickly leave.

Brian shook his head in disgust. "Why do you always think that Nick is off someplace eating?"

AJ lowered his sunglasses. "Because nine times out of ten he usually is."

"I still think he went back to the greenroom since he gets lost easily," Howie stated. "Lets just head back there."

Brian and AJ nodded in agreement.

The three men were barely off the stage when they were met with a worried looking Kevin Richardson. "He's not in the greenroom or the bathrooms for the greenrooms. Where the hell is that kid?"

A female stage hand walked briskly past the men, a look of urgency on her face.

"She looks pretty concerned over something," AJ commented.

"Okay since when have you ever looked at a woman's face and commented on it?" Brian spat.

AJ rolled his eyes at the younger Kentuckian. "I don't always look at a girl's ass."

"Guys.....quit bickering!" Kevin shouted, grabbing a stage crew person on the arm. "Why is everyone running in that direction?"

"Someone said there is some commotion over by the mens public rest room."

"NICK!" the four men shouted in unison as they started off only to be stopped by two of their bodyguards.

"It would be best if you guys waited in the greenroom," the muscular man said. "You'll only cause more commotion and it would make it harder for us to contain the area."

Kevin tried to push his fears aside as he reluctantly agreed with the man. "C'mon we'll just have to wait until they bring Nick back."

I blinked several times as I tried to get my vision to clear. At first all I was seeing was the stained ceiling tiles and then unfamiliar faces started to appear. Aww crap! Did I faint again?

"He's starting to come to."

Shit....I did faint! Okay if I just get up, maybe they will stop staring at me and leave me alone.

"Lay back down Mr. Carter."

Mr. Carter? What the heck? "I'm okay...."

Okay, who is this woman and why the heck are these people looking at me funny? Just as I was about to ask what was going on and why was I on the floor in the mens room.....God I hope it's the mens room, why is she in the mens room?

A paper cup was being held above me as this woman took one of my arms. "Sit up slowly Mr. Carter and take a small sip of water."

I instantly felt dizzy when I tried to sit up. I knew better than to complain about that from past experiences with Kevin - wait a sec, where is the pain in the ass anyway?

"Take it slowly," the woman said to me as she held the cup to my mouth.

"I think I can take it from here," I replied as I tried to take the cup with my hand, which I just noticed was shaking like a leaf on a windy day.

"Your hands are shaky, it would be best if I held the cup."

I rolled my eyes beneath closed lids after she said that. What the heck does she think I am anyway? A two year old? Okay, why can't I see clearly two feet past me?

"How are you feeling Mr. Carter?"

"It's Nick," I replied, she could at least call me by my first name since she seems to want to mother me for some reason.

"Okay Nick, how are you feeling?"

"Peachy," I lied.

"His eyes don't look like they're focused."

Hello! I'm sitting right here! Why do people insist on talking about me in front of me? Kevin and the guys always do that to me.

"Hun, you got pushed pretty hard by the looks of it, they've called a doctor to come and take a look at you."

Shit! A doctor, Lou Pearlman will have a cow when he finds that out! "I'm fine, really." Okay, I know I'm not fine but jeeze, I really wanna go back to my room and go to sleep. "Please, just let me get up and you can go back to doing what you were doing before I fainted. This happens when I get warm sometimes."

Okay, paste a Backstreet smile on your face and they will go away........I looked at the sea of faces that were staring at me and I instantly for some reason started to feel sick to my stomach. The next thing I knew I was throwing up the water and probably lunch on the tiled floor. Not good.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled as I wiped my mouth off with the back of my hand. This was sooooo embarrassing.

"It's okay honey," the woman soothed me as she rubbed my back. Thankfully, I noticed that someone had taken action and placed a paper towel over the mess I had made on the floor.

The smell of vomit made me want to curl up and die somewhere. It was pretty embarrassing to puke in front of some complete strangers. Hell it was just embarrassing to throw up to begin with. I ran a hand across my face and it was instantly wet with sweat with a touch of stage makeup.

"Why don't you just lay back down until the doctor comes?"

For some reason, the room started spinning. I closed my eyes, praying it would stop. "I just want Kevin," I whimpered. Just having Kevin here would make me feel tons better.

Usually I would try and sound tough but God, I have to admit I was scared out of my mind. I seriously wanted to cry right now but I didn't want to in front of complete and total strangers. Hell I don't even know for sure where I was besides a mens room. Finally a familiar face came into view. It was Mark, my personal bodyguard!

"I believe he has a concussion," the woman said to Mark.

A concussion?!?

"Nah, I just passed out, I'm fine Mark, just take me back.....please?"

The woman pressed on my shoulder. "He shouldn't be moved until the doctor takes a look at him....I really don't feel comfortable about him being moved until then."

"And you are?" Mark questioned.

"I'm a resigstered nurse."

Okay that lady wasn't gonna back down to Mark? What the heck....

"Well he would be better off in the green room than laying on the bathroom floor don't you think?"

"I honestly don't think he should be moved until the doctor looks at him," the nurse pressed the issue.

"Let me check to see if we can get him safely back to the green room."

Okay I just feel really dumb now....why is Mark acting like this is a hostage situation or something? I wanted to die when he picked up his two-way and started talking to another one of the guys from detail.

"Alright, his managers are going to come over."

Crap! Why is he bringing Johnny and Lou into this? I was just gonna go back to the green room and act like nothing happened. Maybe I should just get up and leave, she wasn't in charge of me anyway.

"Lay back down Nick."

Why was this woman so persistent? Why was I feeling so dizzy and why was my stomach feeling like I was gonna get sick again?

"So what did the boy do this time?"

Shit......hearing Lou Pearlman's voice made me want to seriously throw up again. Instead of acting like everything was cool, I looked up and him and immediately started bawling my eyes out.

So much for acting like a tough guy.

"Lets just move him back to the green room and out of this circus," Pearlman barked to someone out of my view.

With a bodyguard on each side of me, I found myself being led back to the greenroom on my shaky legs. I kept my eyes down to the ground. I didn't want to see people staring at me. It seemed to take forever to get back to the greenroom. I don't remember walking that far away. Instead of feeling relief wash over me when I entered the green room, I instantly felt sick to my stomach and looked for someplace to throw up. Must be someone noticed I looked green because a wastepaper basket was promptly shoved underneath my mouth just in time.

"Shh...it's okay little man," Kevin said quietly as he placed a hand on my back as I was dry heaving into the basket.

I looked up at an out-of-focused Kevin Richardson after I was sure I was done dry heaving. "I'm sorry."

Okay I know that sounds lame, but I figured I had to say something like that. Hopefully Kevin would just let me off the hook and not give me the lecture I'm sure he had planned for me about leaving without Mark.

"What the heck got into you Nick?"

Okay, leave it to AJ to just jump into everything.

"Jay, go sit back down."

Thank you Kevin!

"Nicky what were you thinking about running off like that before the show?"

Lecture time!

"I had to go to the bathroom I guess." At least that was what I think I was doing.....to be honest, I really don't know what I was doing but that sounds like a good guess since I was laying on a bathroom floor.

"Lets get him laying down on the couch," Kevin said calmly as he grabbed a firm hold on my arm.

"I'm fine," I said weakly.

"You're not fine," Brian interrupted. "You just threw up."

Don't remind me about that!

"Someone said he has a concussion," Mark said as he led me to the couch.

"How did that happen?"

Now it was Howie that was asking questions. When I looked up, I noticed that Howie, Kevin, AJ, Brian, Lou and Johnny were staring down at me.

"I...I dunno...I guess they rushed me or somethin' like that." Placing a hand gently on the back of my head, I winced when my palm made contact.

"Did you bump your head?" Howie asked as he leaned in to look at me closer.

"I can feel a goosebump so yeah, I guess I did," I answered.

"You're lucky you didn't split your head wide open!"

I gave Brian a half smile. "Thanks, I knew you could look at the bright side of things."

"What in the hell did you think you were doing Carter!"

God....why did Lou have to yell?

"It's just like you to run off and fuck things up Carter! You were out of your mind running off without security! You've made another mess!"

"Lay off!"

Okay I was happy that Kevin came and rescued me from Pearlman's yelling but why did they both have to yell?

"Can you please stop yelling? It hurts my head," I whimpered, wiping the tears from my cheeks.

"You're lucky that it's only your head that hurts!"

"I SAID ENOUGH!"

"So when do you think you can clean yourself up to go out onstage?"

Now it was AJ coming to my rescue. "I don't believe what you just said. Didn't you just hear them say that Nick has a concussion?"

"Yeah that isn't the best idea for him to go out and run and jump around," Brian agreed. "You know how everyone expects us to dance and interact with the crowd. There is no way Nick can do that. A concussion is a serious brain injury."

"Well that is just ducky.....what am I going to tell that crowd out there?" Pearlman demanded as he mopped the sweat from his forehead.

"I don't know, that's your job not mine," Kevin sneered.

And so it actually happened.....not only was I given a red card but the rest of the group as well. Our concert was postphone until the next day and Lou gave the instructions that the crowd was told that there were 'security reasons' that the show had been cancelled. My relief was short lived when Pearlman informed us that we would be doing back-to-back concerts instead of getting a two day break for travel we would literally have to be performing as soon as we left the bus for the next three days!

My life sucked even more and thanks to me, everyone will have to suffer.

Did I mention how much my head hurt?

After the fifteen minutes of listening Louis J. Pearlman complain how much money I was costing made me actually feel homesick for my mother. Don't get me wrong, my ma can be a pretty neat person but sometimes she could be just a little bit overbearing at times. Jane Carter has always been the Webster's Dictonary definition of stage mom. Growing up she would take me from city to city from one talent agent to the next always saying that I would be the one in the family that would make life easy for everyone in it.

Lots of pressure on a seventeen year old's shoulders don't ya think?

Okay.......my head really hurts.

"C-can I go back to my room now?" I squeeked out.

Okay....way to sound pathetic, Carter.

"C'mon Kaos, I've got Steve lets go back to the hotel," AJ rasped as he motioned for me to get off the couch.

Not my first choice in having take me back to my room. I would have felt better with Kevin.....he would take better care of me.

"Jay....leave Nick alone. I don't think it would be a very good idea for you to be with him tonight."

Ah....thank God for Kevin Richardson.

"Yeah, he's going to need constant attention for the next twenty-four hours," Howie added.

Whoa....constant attention? What the heck is D talking about?

"What do you mean?"

"Yes and I doubt Bone would be responsible," Kevin added.

Didn't I just ask a question here? Am I invisible now?

"Kev....I think I can manage."

Okay good, he heard me but jeeze now that made my ears ring. Shit....now Kevin is looking at me funny.

"Nick.....shhh, you need to take it easy and not yell."

No shit Sherlock, I just figured that one out.

"Okay I think it would be better if we each took shifts with Nick since he will have to be woken up every hour."

What the heck is Kevin talking about?

"Seriously Kev, I'm okay.....I just got sick thats all."

"Nick, you have a concussion, thats a serious head injury," Howie said in a serious voice.

"Yeah Kaos, you could have more brain damage than what you started with on this tour," AJ added with a cheeky grin.

"Not funny Bone," Brian said as he hit AJ on the back of the head.

Thank you Brian!

"Our Aunt Vivian had a concussion and she went to sleep and she had trouble with her memory after that for the rest of her life, remember that Kevin?"

Crap! What is he talking about? I only fell and then I threw up! I'm seventeen....I bet she was some eighty year old fossil.

"I doubt that will happen to Nick but at any rate, we do have to wake him up and make sure he is doing okay," Kevin said. "C'mon, we can all head back to the hotel together and sort out shifts when we get back."

Okay now I offically feel like a Fed Ex package.

Did I mention that my head hurts?

"Nicky.....can you wake up for me?"

I could hear Brian's voice but it was really hard for me to open my eyes. Why would he want me to wake up anyway? Why is he in my bedroom?

"Nick, c'mon you need to open your eyes for me."

God he can be so damn persistent!

"Lemme alone!"

"That's it Nick, just open your eyes so I can look at them."

Open my eyes so he can look at them?!? Okay now Brian is sounding really gay.

I couldn't help but smile at that thought. Maybe he really is and all those girls he had were just a cover.

"NICK!"

Okay either Brian can read my mind or I really pissed him off somehow cause that yelling got my attention pretty quick.

"Stop yelling," I cried. "My head hurts."

"Sorry about yelling but you had me scared for a sec.....so how are you feeling?"

I blinked for a few moments, staring at my best friend. "You woke me up to ask me that?"

"You had a concussion, remember?"

Grabbing the pillow next to me, I groaned and rolled over. Okay, not a good move since that seemed to make my head spin.

"What's wrong Nick? Are you okay?"

"I feel dizzy," I admitted into the pillow.

"Do you want me to get you something?"

"Just leave me alone...I'm okay."

"I'm gonna call Kevin."

Why does Brian always make a federal case out of every little thing I do lately?

"I said I was okay."

I heard Brian walk across the room. He sighed really loud and then he walked back toward the bed.

"You say you're okay but from my many years of living with Nick Carter, okay means not okay and that has me a little worried right now."

I pushed the pillow away from my face.

"What are you talking about?"

"Nick I know you hate doctors and stuff and when you're really sick I always know because you act like there's nothing wrong with you. I just know better, I guess."

"I do not!"

"Do too."

"Do not!"

"Listen, I'm not going to sit here and have a childish arguement with you. I'm calling Kevin."

I flipped the blankets off my body and decided I would get up and go to the bathroom since Brian was being a pussy and calling his cousin. Maybe him seeing me get up would make him realize that I'm not sick like I've been telling him for about a million times.

Then it happened! My stomach announced that I was going to throw up and BOOM I hurled in an Olympic style flame - you know how it dies down and then shoots up real high?

"Holy shit!"

I didn't even have time to catch my breath or beg my best friend to not go postal and call his cousin, I just kept throwing up and it didn't look like I was ever going to stop. The next thing I knew, Brian was running toward the door like a wildman. When I finally stopped puking my guts out, I saw Kevin and for some reason, I started bawling my eyes out over the mess I made of myself, the carpet, the sheets, the wallpaper......oh hell just about everything.

"C'mon little man, lets get you into the bathroom and get you cleaned up....Brian call housekeeping for me, okay?"

"I'll go to Howie's room and call from there."

I should have felt really bad about making Brian leave like that, but to be quite honest with you, I was glad Kevin was here. At least he doesn't get mad at me when I throw up.

I seriously wanted to die. My head felt like it was going to split wide open and I'm standing in the bathroom with Kevin. Talk about feeling like a baby. Usually my head felt like this after sneaking out with AJ and I deserved it, but God, I didn't deserve feeling like I had the hangover from hell. Even the bright lights of the bathroom made me want to climb into the bed and pull the covers over my face.

"Okay Nick, step out of your pajamas while I get the shower started."

Now that really sounds totally gay. "Kev, I think I can manage getting my stuff off and showering on my own."

"I'm sure you normally can Nick, but you're pretty unsteady on your feet and that would be something else that would happen for you to fall in the shower."

I rolled my eyes.....okay big mistake, that really hurt like a bitch. "I can understand that you'd be concerned about me falling, but Jesus--"

"Don't cuss."

Why is Kevin a swearing Nazi with me 24/7? "Okay but gosh, I'm sure I can manage this or if you feel safer, I can take a bath instead."

"You don't like to take baths."

"I can handle it just once." I tugged at the hem of my tee shirt with Kevin standing there staring at me. "Honest Kevin, I can do this on my own."

"Sit on the toilet while you get undressed then."

It was a battle of wills for about two minutes, my eyes staring at Kevin's bloodshot green eyes. For some reason he looked tired and knowing how grouchy a tired Kevin Richardson could be, I decided it would be best to sit on the toilet while I got undressed like a good boy. I could actually feel his eyes watching me as I slowly made my way over to the toilet, making sure I kept a hand on the counter to keep myself steady.

"See? I made it okay. I'll be back out in ten minutes." I flashed a cheesy grin toward my oldest brother to set his mind at ease.

As Kevin stared at me for a moment and I was beginning to wonder if he had bought it and would let me be alone. "Alright, but I'm leaving the door unlocked and you better holler if you don't feel okay. I'll be back to check on you in a little bit."

Sighing, I cautiously lifted the vomit soaked tee shirt over my head and slowly slipped the pajama pants down. Kevin was always an overprotective guy but I guess I love him anyway. Not love as in in love love more like love as in brotherly love I suppose.

As I stood up to get into the bathtub, I suddenly felt woozy and quickly sat back on the toilet lid. Thank God it didn't make any noise or Kevin would have came in here and seen me stark naked! Running a hand through my hair I waited for a minute for the dizziness to go away. If I wasn't feeling dizzy, I would feel like I wanted to puke my guts out. When would this go away? Maybe after I soaked in the hot water. I should have asked Kevin if I could have had some bubble bath put in the water. That always made me feel better when I was little. Mom would put some Mr. Bubble in the bathtub and I stayed in the tub until my fingers and toes got wrinkled.

Okay Nick, get a grip on yourself, you're not a kid anymore.....you're an adult....but still Mr. Bubble would have been pretty sweet.

"Nicky.....is everything okay in there?"

Great, now Howie is checking up on me too? Next there will be something on MTV about me being naked in the bathroom and had to be babied by Kevin and Howie. How embarrassing is that?

"I'm fine, I'm getting into the tub now."

"Okay, remember to call if you need help."

I'm not even gonna answer Kevin! That sounds so totally gay I want to die right here!

"Nick? Did you hear me?"

God Kevin can be soooo embarrassing! "Yeah I heard you."

"He's finally sleeping," Brian said as AJ made his way into the room. The tattooed rebel gestured with his thumb toward the bed.

"Are you sure you don't want to go back to your room? I can take it from here, you know I can't sleep."

The Kentuckian shook his head. "Normally I'd take you up on that offer, but honestly, I'm too worried to actually sleep."

AJ winced as he took in the comment. "Worried? I thought it was just a simple concussion, am I missing something?"

Brian sighed. "Forget I said anything."

AJ cocked his head to one side. "No way man....you already said you were too worried to sleep, now spill it."

Brian stood up and walked over to the window, drawing the curtian back to look out. "I dunno, I guess I just keep on wondering how bad this could get with Kaos. I mean he's had nothing but bad luck ever since this tour started. The kid is a trouble magnet or something."

"We've always known that the boy finds trouble easily. He'll be fine."

Leaving the window, Brian glanced at his watch. "Guess we let him sleep for a bit before we have to wake him up again."

Picking up the televison remote, AJ leaned back into a reclining position on the empty bed. Brian could only shake his head. "You realize Bone, there's probably nothing on at this time of the night."

"Probably not, but anything is better than listening to you sigh every two seconds."

Brian jerked awake with a start. Something seemed off to him and he couldn't place a finger on what it was. Rubbing a hand across his face in a tired gesture, he tried to figure out what it was. He noticed that he had fallen asleep in a chair and that AJ was sleeping in the bed by himself. His eyes trailed toward the other bed in the room finding Nick laying on his side, covers drawn up to his neck.

"Shit!......AJ! WAKE UP!"

A pillow came flying toward Brian's head.

"I'm not kidding AJ! We fell asleep!"

"Well that's what you're suppose to do when you lay in bed," AJ replied in a casual tone.

"No! I mean we're suppose to wake Nicky up at 2:00....oh shit! It's 5:30!"

Brian's last sentence finally made AJ snap into action. Although he wouldn't admit it, he was panicking on the inside. "I'm sure he's fine."

"Nick? Time to wake up," Brian coaxed.

"Yeah kid, wake up," AJ encouraged.

When the result wasn't prompt, Brian started shaking his best friend on the shoulder. "C'mon Nick.....wake up.....please!"

AJ leaned in. "Nick....room service is here."

Brian scowled at him. "Jay quit joking around this is serious! C'mon Nick!"

"I figured food would wake Carter up."

"I'm sorry Nick," Brian breathed before he lightly slapped the sleeping blonde's face.

"Judas Littrell....he's getting over a concussion you really think slapping him in the face is good for him?"

Brian stood back, wringing his hands. "I-I don't know what to do....I think we should call Kevin."

"Oh for chrissake," AJ rasped, pushing Brian aside. He grabbed the partially full glass of tapwater and poured it on Nick's face, causing him to wake up sputtering.

"Wha-wha-what the hell did you do that for?"

"Sorry Nick but you weren't waking up," Brian apologized.

Nick stared at the two men blankly and was about to say something when there was a knock on the door.

"Shit!" AJ muttered. "I bet that is Kevin."

"Just act like nothing's wrong, okay?" Brian said in a hushed whisper.

AJ stopped in mid-step and turned to look at Brian, his mouth gaped in wonder. "You? Brian Littrell asking me to lie?"

"Just a white lie, okay? We sorta messed up but now he's awake so no harm no foul, okay?"

AJ smirked. "Alright, but you will owe me later."

The pounding on the door, tore AJ from the conversation with Brian. "I'm coming....I'm coming...hold your dick."

He swung the door open to find Kevin Richardson standing on the other side, just as he predicted. "Holy shit, is it 5:30 already?"

Rolling onto my side I quickly found out that for some reason it made me feel sick to my stomach. I seriously thought I was going to throw up right in bed! How disgusting would that be? To top it off, I found out that Kevin was standing at the foot of my bed....well it wasn't my bed - how the heck did I end up in someplace other than home?

"How are you feeling this morning Nick?"

Do I even dare answer that question? My mind was completely fogged up and to be honest, I don't remember what I did last night. Did I sneak out clubbing with AJ? Nah, that couldn't be it because Kevin wouldn't come into my hotel room and ask me how I was feeling all the time looking concerned. Okay, just tell him something...anything and maybe he'll go away and let me go back to sleep or go to puke....

"Okay." Judging by the look on Kevin's face, I musta said the wrong answer. I figured he musta caught me coming back in late with AJ and he already knew we went clubbing I guess. "Okay I guess for what I did last night."

"What the hell are you talking about Nick?"

By the look on AJ's face, I blew his cover. Can a guy ever win? I looked at him and gave him a half-smile. "You know."

"No Nick, I don't know."

Judas...is this guy thick headed or what? Here I am trying to bail myself out and not let on as to how totally hungover I feel and AJ is blowing it for me. I mean judging by how shitty I felt and the lamp lighting in the room was bothering my eyes not to mention the Osama of a headache I had could only mean that I went out last night and got completely shitfaced.

"His eyes look kinda funny."

Thank you Brian Littrell. It's not like you never got wasted before.

"I really don't like the way his eyes look to me either."

Wait a minute, now I have Kevin sticking his garlic breath in my face to look at my eyes. I seriously think I'm gonna puke! "My eyes are fine, I mean I got what I deserved so everyone just leave me alone now. Party's over."

Kevin sat on the edge of the bed. "Nicky, I don't know why you think you deserved that? No one ever deserves what happened to you....you do remember what happened yesterday, don't you?"

"I went out clubbing with AJ and I'm sorry. Can I go to sleep now?"

"No Nick, you didn't go out clubbing. Do you feel okay?"

Why was Kevin still breathing on my face? I want everyone to leave me alone! "Why don't you ask me after I'm awake, okay? What time is it anyway?"

Kevin didn't move away from the bed. "It's 5:45."

"Okay, so ask me how I feel at 9:00."

"The kid has a point."

Thank you AJ!

"How can you say that! Nick has a concussion."

What the hell is Brian talking about? "Seriously Brian, you need to go back to bed yourself."

"Nick, what year were you born?"

"What the heck are you talking about Brian?"

"Just answer my question...what year were you born?"

Judging by the way Kevin's head almost snapped off his neck, he musta thought that Brian was asking a dumb question. Instead of siding with me and telling Brian to leave me alone and go back to bed, he turned back and stared at me like I was going to answer the Final Jeporady question correctly or something. I suddenly realized that not only was Kevin waiting for me to answer but Brian and AJ.

"1990, satisfied?"

" '90....you're serious?"

"Of course I'm serious."

"SHIT.....I JUST KNEW IT! It's our fault we overslept!" Brian ranted as he paced by the side of the bed.

This had Kevin's attention. "What are you talking about?"

"We were suppose to wake Nicky up at 2:00 and we woke up at 5:30."

AJ threw a glare at the younger Kentuckian. "Jesus Littrell!"

"Guys, you're making too much noise and my head hurts, take it outside okay? I'm sleepy."

"Okay I'll leave you alone Nick if you tell me honestly what year you were born."

God Kevin can be a creep. "I was born in 1990. Okay, I just told you that it was 1996 um no wait I mean 1995 now let me go to sleep!"

"Which one is it Nick?"

I was really getting sick of him! "Just let me go back to sleep please? I'll answer any question you want to ask me later, okay?"

"You said you were born first in 1990 and now you changed it to 96 and then you said 95, do you realize how old that would make you right now?"

Why is Kevin drilling me? "Can I go to sleep? p-l-l-l-e-a-a-s-e?""

Man my voice sounded really whiney but I know that Kevin hates it when I whine so maybe he'll leave me alone and let me go to sleep. I noticed that now he was looking at me kinda weird. "1980."

"1980...."

Kevin repeated the numbers, dragging each one out like they each held a clue to something he was looking for. Did I ever mention how much I hate how he over analyzes things? Okay now my head is really killing me. "Satisfied? Can I go back to sleep now?"

He looked at me for a few minutes and I made sure I kept my eye contact with him. To look away would have meant to him that I didn't know what I was talking about or something gay like that. And then my prayers were answered.

"Okay little man......go back to sleep."

I had been dreaming about sitting on the beach in Florida with a scantily dressed blond when Kevin tapped me on the shoulder, promptly waking me up.

"How are you feeling Nick?"

I frowned as I looked up at Kevin's face staring down at me. "Doesn't that question get old after a while?"

Instead of taking the hint that I was annoyed that he woke me up from a good dream....strike that, a great dream he persisted with staring at me. "Jesus Kevin--"

"Don't cuss."

I dragged a pillow over my head. "Tired.....does that make you happy?"

"Do you know what day it is?"

Man, he was really starting to wear on my nerves! "You woke me up because you wanted to know what day it is? What next? Do you want me to pick out a shirt for you to wear or better yet, a pair of boxers or wait, you wear briefs, right?"

"Judging by you being a crab you seem to be the same Nick that we had a almost a day ago."

Removing the hotel pillow from my face, I groaned. Everything was just peachy until I sat up and a sudden wave of dizziness came over me. I quickly closed my eyes praying that Kevin didn't detect anything out of the ordinary. As soon as the dizziness left it was replaced with a sudden headache.

Great...just great, now I'm getting a migraine. "We don't have any concert scheduled tonight, do we?"

Kevin stopped fussing with the in-room coffee maker to turn around and stare that creepy stare he does when he thinks I say something retarded. "Last time I checked it was cancelled."

I brushed my hair away from my forehead. "No special reason......wait, you said it was cancelled? Why?" I saw the look on his face and I quickly said something to drop his guard. "Why are you making coffee in my room? Don't you have a room to be in?"

"I'm suppose to be in here with you Nick."

God why does he have to act all holy and important when I ask him a simple question? "No you're not, last I knew you were bunking with D."

Okay, judging by the look on his face I suddenly realized that you absolutely never under any circumstances corner Kevin Richardson with pointed questions before he has his morning cup of coffee. "It was my turn to babysit your whiney ass."

BABYSIT?!? What an asshole! Kevin doesn't know how lucky he is that my head is killing me.....I will have to make a note to blindside his Kentucky butt some other time. "Whatever," I muttered as I stumbled toward the bathroom.

"Careful little man."

I slammed the bathroom door in reply only to regret it when the hard thud made my ears suddenly ring and my stomach start going queazy. The lights didn't help my eyes much either. Why does he always have to call me little man? I'm 17 years old for crying out loud. Practically an adult. I had only left the bathroom when Kevin reads me the riot act. Something about not flushing the toilet.

"I didn't use the toilet," I defended as I slid back into bed.

"Yes you did, I heard you peeing."

"Standing outside the door perv?"

The answer to my question was a flushing noise.

"Big deal....like you forget to flush, not that I'm admitting it was me, but yeah, sometimes you forget to flush."

Kevin came into back into the room, stopping by my bed. "Are you still feeling sleepy?"

"Nah.....just feeling another migraine coming on." I guess I just didn't feel like hiding it this time for some reason, I decided as I drew the covers up to my neck. Maybe he'll leave me alone now.

I realized no such luck when I heard Kevin walk toward the door and let Howie in. What the fuck? Is this Grand Central Station now? "Why can't you guys just go back to your own room and leave me alone in mine?"

"Still not feeling better?"

"I was thinking he was about ten minutes ago when he started acting crabby."

Great now they are both talking about me like I wasn't in the room or worse that I was a little kid!

"Hey I'm gonna head back to the room and grab a couple packs of coffee, this room is out."

Didn't I just ask Kevin earlier to go to his own freakin room if he wanted to drink coffee?! "Hey I got a better idea.....how about the two of you go back to your own room and drink your stinky coffee in there?"

"Geeze, you are right, Nicky is really being mister crab this morning."

I know that fans have dubbed Howie Dorough as the peacemaker of Backstreet but he gets a little over excessive being so happy every damn single morning! Normal people have days off!

Then for some stupid reason I started to feel homesick. Not the normal homesick where you miss your family or your best friend. It was a weird homesick and I guess it was listening to Howie breathe in and out and a stupid whistling noise his nose was making brought back a time when I was car sick on trip with my mom for an audition and the window was cracked and it made an eerie whistling noise when the wind rushed in.

Totally weird for that to hit me like that but the next thing I knew, I was crying. At first it was just a few tears and then all of a sudden I was bawling my eyes out. My head hurt, my stomach threatened to betray me and here I was, laying in bed bawling my eyes out! What the heck is wrong with me?

Then he started rubbing me on the side of my shoulder. God, my mother would do that and it would make me cringe but not this morning....I kept crying.

"Aw... Nicky, you not feeling good?"

I could only shrug my shoulders. It wasn't that I wasn't feeling good, I don't know what it was I was feeling. Embarrassed, yeah, that was it. Pure embarrassment.

"So yeah, those girls wanted to rape me in the lobby, they totally said they wanted to rape me.....something wrong with Nick?"

I wanted to pull the covers over my face. AJ came back with Kevin. God I didn't want to have AJ see me bawling like a baby.

Then something happened that shocked me. Instead of making fun of me crying my eyes out, AJ gently sat on the bed next to me and leaned over and started to say soothing words to me. We're talking tough guy, AJ McLean. Total hard ass AJ.

"S-h-h-h kiddo, it'll be okay....I'm here, just let it out, you'll feel better."

That guy is gonna make one hell of a dad some day.

No one has really explained to me why they've gone all protective on my recently. I know there must have been something that happened but for the life of me, I couldn't put a finger on what happened and I sure as hell wasn't going to ask anyone, I'm fine with just going with the flow just as long as the flow didn't start getting weird.

So like the other day I was bawling my eyes out like a wuss......was it the other day or today? Anyway, I was crying like a baby and AJ of all people didn't make fun of me or tell me to suck it up. My mom would say that to me, 'Nick suck it up.....babies don't belong in show biz.'

"Yo....Nick, dude you're spacing out again!"

"Huh?"

"Pay attention and lets get this over!"

I stared at my verbal tormentor. Did I mention earlier how AJ could be nice to me? I take that back.

"Dude, I wanna go back to my room and catch up on some long lost sleep and if you keep spacing out the photog is gonna be pissed and you know that means we will be sitting here for an hour longer!"

Why is AJ getting on my case? I thought they were being protective over me.....

"Jay, leave Nick alone. I'm sure he's not really feeling up to this."

Kevin Richardson to the rescue again! "Thanks Kev....I'm fine, I just spaced out for a sec is all."

"It's shit like this that makes my blood boil," Kevin sputtered.

"I'm sorry Kev, I'll try to do better," I quickly apologized, wincing when I realized that my voice came out in a high pitched squeak.

"I wasn't talking about you....it's Pearlman I'm pissed about."

"I think you have enough pictures."

My mouth must have dropped to the floor. I can't believe Brian would try to decided when a photo shoot was done. I was waiting for Kevin's face to turn purple. He always hated it when someone would act like they were the spokesperson for the group. Bracing myself for listening to him go postal on his cousin, I was surprised when Kevin turned to the photographer.

"I agree, Nick here has been through the wringer the past 24 hours and I think this was pushing it."

Okay, again with them saying I had been through some type of hell.....what were they talking about? I don't remember anything going on that they would suddenly stop a photo shoot.

"What exactly happened again?"

Good!......The guy is asking exactly what I've been wanting to know myself without asking and having them think I'm completely crazy or on crack.

"Oh no you don't.....pack your shit up pal, this ain't no free interview....you were here for pictures and that's all!"

Since when did AJ turn down free publicity? I think I got beamed to another planet like they do in Star Trek because AJ never and I mean never turns down free publicity and Brian never has the balls to stand up to his cousin. I could only sit and watch the photographer hurriedly pack his gear and run from the conference room. Howie Dorough was the only one that seemed normal in this new universe.

"Hey we might as well finish up the food that they delivered," Howie said as he walked over to the buffet table. I watched the Latino walk up to the spread, grabbing a paper plate. The next thing Howie did just about made me gag. He accidentally dropped a cracker and instead of tossing it in the wastebasket, he picked the cracker up and blew on it and then popped it into his mouth.

Scratch Howie being the only normal person in this new universe! Howie is overly weird about cleanliness I couldn't believe my eyes when he blew on the cracker and actually ate it. He was the first one that would yell at me if I picked something up off the floor and eat it. I mean this guy literally gags at the sight of dirty fingernails.

"Did I just see you eat that cracker?"

Howie smiled. "Ten second rule."

"Huh?"

"Yeah you know Nicky, ten second rule...if something drops to the floor it won't pick up any germs before 10 seconds," AJ grinned and stuck a celery stick in his mouth.

I seriously was beginning to think I was dead.

"Nick looks like he needs to go back and rest," Brian said as he threw a paper plate into the trash. "You want me to take him up?"

"I think I can manage on my own," I protested.

"I don't think so little man---"

"Jesus Kevin I'm not a little man! I'm 17!"

"Easy Nick, don't get worked up."

"What do you care and why are you guys hanging on me like I'm a little kid? I'm really getting sick of it!"

If my head hadn't started pounding I would have continued yelling, I was sort of getting away with it, Kevin didn't tell me to shut up and AJ just stared at me like I had a bright red zit on my forehead - shocked and yet repulsed by the sight. Instead of waiting for Brian to take me by the hand or something else totally gay and lead me back to my hotel room, I decided I would just head up there on my own.

BIG MISTAKE....

My legs suddenly decided it was time to show the world how graceful I was and somehow a foot got tangled in the rug and I found myself staring face down in the plush green carpet. Did I forget to mention the desk I met up with on my way to the floor? Good thing I kept my mouth shut when I fell or I have the feeling I would have had my front teeth missing.

"Shit Nicky, are you okay?"

Before I even dared to answer, I ran my tongue across my teeth to do a quick inventory. Yep, all there.

"Yeah fine."

Judging by the look on AJ's face I looked all but fine. "Jesus, he's got a fat lip."

"We better get him upstairs and get it iced," Brian concluded as he studied my face.

This time I let them lead me down the hall to the bank of elevators. I seriously found myself holding back tears again and now I'm beginning to wonder why I wanted to cry? It wasn't like I fell intentionally. Why do I feel like I want to bawl all of a sudden?

"I don't think I've ever met anyone so accident prone like Nick in my entire life," AJ rasped once we got into the elevators.

That was the comment that did it. The tears were slipping down my face. Why was I so accident prone? What did I do to deserve this?

It wasn't until I felt Brian's arm around my shoulder did I feel it was safe to let go.

There it was, no way anyone could miss the fat lip I got by hitting that table awhile ago. Brian had made sure that I held a wet washcloth with ice wrapped in it to my mouth until I could feel the frost bite building up in not only my lips but my fingers from holding onto the stupid thing. By the looks of things and not to mention my lip, it was a complete waste of time! Not only was my upper lip swollen and redder than normal - it sorta looked like I had a ton of lipstick on - but I could see that I was getting a dark circle underneath my right eye!

Just peachy! I looked like the survivor of a street fight and judging by how mashed up my lip looked, I wasn't the winner in the competetion either! Brian had hung up the phone with a loud thud that I dropped the washcloth.

Just as I dropped the white hotel washcloth, Brian came storming over toward me. "Nick! Put that back on your lip!"

"It was on the floor!" I protested firmly.

Brian scooped it up and started toward my mouth with it. "It's okay."

"Ah......no it isn't.......germs!"

Judging by the look on Brian's face, I had definately pushed his run for sainthood. I think I pissed the guy off.

"Sit tight then, I'll get you a fresh towel."

I could swear he had a sissy fit. What gives on that? I didn't think I was being all that unreasonable and heck, I could have gotten up and grabbed a new washcloth myself. What a prick.

"Hey who were you on the phone with that got a stick up your ass over?"

Brian stuck his head around the corner of the bathroom doorway. I knew that I had pressed a wrong button by the scowl that was pasted on the Kentuckian's face.

"Well you do seem kinda pissed off."

"I don't like you saying I have a stick up my ass so yeah, I guess I would be pissed off about that."

Boy my head was pounding! "Can I have some tylenol? My head hurts like a bitch."

"Would you like me to bake a pizza too while I'm at it?"

Why was Brian being mean to me all of a sudden? I didn't think I was being such a pain in the ass,,,,all I wanted was some tylenol for this Osama of a headache. "I'll get it myself, don't bother."

Brian pushed me back down on the chair. "You stay put, I don't want you falling down and messing up something else on your body."

I felt like a little kid as I watched Brian go through my backpack looking for my bottles of medicines. After a few moments of pawing through the bag, Brian dumped it out ontop of the bed.

"Nick! How many times have we had this talk about you and candy bars and what it'll do to your complextion?"

"I dunno."

Thank God there was a knock on the door! At least dumbass would lose interest in the candy and leave me alone. While Brian went to answer the door, I got up and shoved the contents of my backpack back to where it belonged and fortunately for me I found my bottle of tylenol!

"Yo Nickster! Heard you're being a pain in the ass!"

All I could do was shrug my shoulders at AJ. Why try and defend myself? It wouldn't work anyway.

"He's been worse than a little kid, I swear! I'm sorry Nick but you've whined since you woke up from that short nap and you just seem kinda off or something."

"But we're talking about Carter here......he never acts normal."

"Thanks AJ...you're a real friend," I mumbled through the washcloth. "Can I take this stupid thing off my mouth now?"

"Yeah kid, lets see how messed up your face looks."

"It ain't that bad," I replied as I thankfully took the wet cloth off my mouth. The sound of AJ sucking his breath in told me instantly that he didn't agree with my own observation.

"Eww....put the cloth back on your mouth!"

"It looks okay dumbass," I hissed as I tossed the used cloth ontop of the bed next to me.

"You've got a fat lip and a black eye. Boy the press will have fun with this. Who do you want to say finally got fed up with Nick?" AJ asked as he threw himself onto the bed by the window.

I think my brain took a vacation. I looked down at my hand and discovered a bottle of tylenol. After a few minutes of trying to figure out why I was holding it I remembered that I had a headache. I guess it was the constant pounding in my head when I remembered. I got up and walked toward the bathroom, totally ignoring Brian and AJ. They were sick of me so why should I ask for help?

I had only been standing in front of the bathroom mirror for 2 seconds when Brian walked in, a bottle of Aquafina in his hand. "You better not drink that tap water or you'll have diarrhea ontop of all your other problems to deal with."

I grabbed the bottle. "I'm not a total fuck up."

"Yeah and I'm the pope," AJ laughed from the other room.

Tossing two tylenols in my mouth, I drank 1/2 the bottle of water quickly. I went to the bathroom while I was in there and decided after that I was going to go lay back down and take another nap. I was tired!

Have you ever had the feeling that your nose was runny? Like when you have a bad cold or after you've been up all night crying? I quickly found out that it wasn't a runny nose when:

1. I wiped underneath my nose and bright red blood was on my finger.

2. AJ's mouth dropped open.

3. Brian fainted.

That guy never could stand to see blood. Mine or his!

"Is he gonna be okay?" I asked as I made my way over toward Brian.

"Keep that washcloth over your nose and keep your head tilted back," AJ demanded as he directed me to stay away.

"So I can choke on my own blood?"

"That ain't gonna happen, stop being a drama queen. Go sit down before you do something else to yourself."

"Are you saying I'm accident prone?"

Evidently Brian picked a good time to start coming around because AJ didn't bother answering my question. He did, however, give me a glare and I knew that meant to go and sit down and stay put.

"Easy there, just get up slow," AJ said as he held a hand on Brian's back to steady him.

Brian looked around the room, his eyes looked to me like he was spaced out. "Wha....what happened?"

"You fainted when you saw Nick."

"Not funny Boner!" What an asshole to say that I look like shit! Well I probably do right now, but that isn't anything for AJ to say about me!

"Nick had a bloody nose and well, you know how that goes."

Thanks Jay, real pal for trying to clear that up! "Bri, are you feeling okay now?" I know that's a lame question but I felt the need to say something.

Brian shrugged his shoulders. "Yeah I guess.....how's the nose?"

I couldn't answer the question because I could feel the blood running down my throat and it started gagging me.

"Should I go get Kev?"

Why the hell does Brian always feel the need to get his cousin? I really didn't want to admit it, but I really did want Kevin's help instead of AJ and Brian's. It's not like they didn't care but more like they didn't know what to do. Brian would faint and all AJ has done eversince my nose started bleeding was shove a wet washcloth at me and tell me to tilt my head!

"I think I can take care of Carter without calling everyone down here," AJ replied.

"Well I could call Howie," Brian offered.

AJ looked at me before he looked down at Brian. "Why?"

"He always has that medicine stuff and he probably would know what we can do for Nick."

"Judas Brian, it's just a freakin bloody nose," I defended.

"But still--" Brian stopped speaking when there was a knock on the door. I was going to get up to answer the door, but AJ pushed me back down as he walked past to answer.

"We're suppose to be meeting in the lobby in ten minutes," Kevin stated as he walked into the room with Howie. "What the heck happened to Nick now?"

Now??

"He's got a bloody nose," Brian reported. God he can be a total narc sometimes....strike sometimes, it's more like always! "And I don't think it's stopping." And AJ called me a drama queen?

"It's really not that bad," I quickly filled in. I didn't see the need to get Kevin to go all psycho.

Kevin stood in front of me, looking down at me in a serious way. I really hate when he does that look. It makes me want to go hide. "Let's see."

I took the wet washcloth off my nose, completely forgetting about the lip incident.

"Jesus, his eyes are black and blue!"

Or the black eye......wait did Kevin just say eyes?

AJ whistled as he surveyed my face over Kevin's shoulder. "Wow you got some shiner goin' on there Carter."

"Make up will hide it," Howie quickly decided.

"About a pound of it," Brian added from where he was sitting on the floor.

"How do you know?" I yelled. "You aren't even looking at me!"

. "Shhh....keep your voice down," Kevin ordered as he kept studying my face.

"I won't keep my voice down! All you guys ever do is say I fuck everything up for you! I know that you think I'm nothing but a big baby and you have to watch me all the time! I'm not a baby! I'm 17 years old!"

"Nick....shh, calm down," Kevin said as he patted me on the shoulder.

I would have kept arguing, but the stupid idiot that I was finally realized that the yelling made my head pound even more! Instead of Kevin walking away, he kept looking at my face as he patted my shoulder. "I am going to tell Lou that we can do the rest two shows without Nick."

"You don't want me with you guys because my eyes look messed up and I have a fat lip?" Great my voice sounded all pathetic and whiney.

"No...its more like you have a concussion and should take it easy."

What the heck are they talking about? "What concussion? It's just a fat lip." The looks the four of them gave I could have sworn I grew a second head. "Seriously, I fell, got a fat lip and my eyes are black and blue, no big deal. I've had those before."

"Carter you were ganged up by fans and got knocked out yesterday. You don't remember that?"

Leave it to AJ to try and make things up.

"You're funny." Okay, not the best comeback in my life but God, my head hurt!

AJ cocked his head to one side and pointed his finger at me. "Ah-ha! Exactly what I'm saying!"

"Ah-ha!" I mocked back. "I know what happened and I'm fine!"

Kevin stared at me. "You know what happened?"

Okay, he was calling my bluff. I could pretend to know, right? I mean I could lie to my mom and got out of a million things that I could have gotten in trouble for. I'm a pro. "Yeah I know what happened."

Kevin gently touched my chin with his finger, tilting my head up. "Okay, so where were we?"

Shit! Think fast Nick...."Um, a concert?"

"That sounds more like a question than an answer," AJ said as he looked over Kevin's shoulder.

I glared at AJ's face. Thanks for the support. I cleared my throat before answering, "Concert, it was at a concert."

"That is too easy of a question," Howie stated.

"I guess you're right. Okay Nick, where did the fans gang up on you at?"

This seriously has to be a trick question.

"Well?"

"AJ, let him answer," Kevin hissed.

Think....think....."I was onstage and I reached down to take something from a fan and got pulled in." That had to be what happened, it's happened before, not as bad of an ending like getting knocked out but I have been pulled from the stage before.

At first Kevin didn't answer, then he blew out his breath before standing up straight. "I'm going to go talk to Lou."

"I'll go with you, strength in numbers," AJ offered.

"You stay put, you'll only piss Lou off," Kevin said as he brushed past AJ.

Great now they are starting to fight about me! Can't a guy win?

"I'll go with you Kev," Brian groaned as he attempted to stand up. He caught the concerned look on his cousin's face. "I'm fine, really! I only fainted when I saw Nick's bloody nose."

Kevin quickly stopped and turned to face his cousin. "You did what?"

I waited for the shit to hit the fan....I could tell that Kevin was gonna blow a gasket. And as if in slow motion it came right after Brian's explanation.

"I fainted when I saw the blood, no big deal."

Kevin dragged a hand over his face as he took a deep breath in. "This is just fucking great. We have Nick getting hurt every two seconds and you fainting? What the hell is going happen next?"

"I don't get hurt every two seconds!" Judging by the evil look I got from Kevin for opening my mouth, I should have kept it closed. It wasn't making things better for me.

"Just stay put, don't anyone do anything but sit in this goddamn room until I get back!"

With those words spoken, no one dared to make a move and piss Kevin off even more. Even AJ was scared and that says a lot for Kevin!

It seemed like Kevin had been gone for hours when he had left to talk to Lou but as soon as he came back into the hotel room, Howie announced the exact time.

"Judging by the fact that you've only been gone ten minutes, I'm guessing that your meeting with Lou didn't go well?"

"Or hopefully dickhead wasn't there," AJ added with a hopeful smile.

Kevin sat on the edge of my bed, running his hands through his hair. "Dickhead was there."

"And?" Brian asked the question we all were waiting on the answer of.

Leaning his elbows on his knees, Kevin blew out a big breath of air. "Evidently Lou figures as long as Nick is awake and talking he can do a show."

Howie's mouth dropped open. "You have got to be kidding."

"I wish I was."

"There's no way in hell Kaos can do this!"

I finally got sick of being the center of attention - especially since I was still in the room with them! "I think I can do this. Why couldn't I?"

"Lou said we just plan on having Nick not participating in the dances and just basically stay planted on a stool on stage."

Brian looked at Kevin with an eyebrow raised in question. "There is no way Nick could sit still for an hour and a half."

"It's just a fat lip and a bloody nose," I defended.

"You have a concussion!"

I quickly placed my hands over my ears. "Y'all don't have to yell, that hurts my head."

AJ started pacing the room. "I really don't understand why he wouldn't even let us do the show without Nick. I'm sure the fans would understand."

"You know Pearlman," Kevin sighed. "He wants the whole package."

"Isn't there some way we can get Nick out of this? Call his parents maybe?" Howie questioned.

My head jerked up, causing a sudden wave of dizziness as I looked up at Howie. "Don't call them!"

Kevin turned to face me. "Nick we probably have to, it may be your only chance."

Shit! Don't cry now! "N-no, you don't understand. My parents don't need to be bothered about me. My mom will get mad and then she'll call Lou and then Lou will get mad at me. It will only cause more problems." I could see that Kevin wasn't considering my plea so I did the next best thing and grabbed him by the arm and let him see the tears in my eyes. "Please Kevin!"

"I don't want to make more trouble for you, you're serious about this Nick?"

"Dead serious."

Sighing loudly, Kevin stood up. "Well then, we all better get ready then because we need to be in the lobby in fifteen minutes. I just want to remind you guys to cover for Nick during the show. No exceptions."

"I think I can pull my own Kev," I protested. Kevin only stared back at me before he repeated, "No exceptions."

I totally felt like nothing but problems for the group since the last part of the tour and I just knew that they were beginning to not like me. I could tell by the looks that AJ was giving me and then some of the roadies were making comments behind my back when they didn't think I could hear them but I know what they're saying!

"Yo Nicky...."

Shit.....spaced out again! "You know that is annoying!" I scowled at AJ as I pushed his hand away from the front of my face.

"I was only trying to get your attention kid, they're getting ready to get us mic'd up for the show."

Geeze, I hate it when people call me kid! "Would you stop calling me kid? I'm only two years younger than you."

AJ flashed a stupid grin at me. "And I was more sexually active then than what you'll ever plan on being in your lifetime."

"What the hell does that have to do with anything?" I asked as I tried to put some distance between me and him. I couldn't wait for this show to be over and it hadn't started yet! After getting hooked up, we took our places onstage and waited quietly as the music started. The fog machines were pumping out fog so thick I had a hard time seeing Howie standing beside me.

The stage lights came up and the pyrotechnics added more smoke to the already foggy stage. Instead of stepping to the right, I stepped to the left and my foot got tangled up in a pile of electrical cords that were laying on the stage. I fell face first to the floor, knocking the wind out of my body. I tried to quickly untangle myself and get up next to Howie before anyone noticed what had happened. I didn't want one of the guys to see that I had done another one of my graceful entrances! They would be riding me for the next two years!

The music stopped suddenly and I was still laying on the floor! Shit now everyone probably saw me!

"You okay?"

I didn't even want to look up. I heard Kevin's voice over the roar of the crowd and saw someone's hands work on the tangle of orange and black electrical cords that were wrapped around my ankles.

'Yeah I'm fine."

Tommy from the band came up to help. "I guess we just take it from the beginning since the entrance has been blown."

"Yeah guess so," Kevin replied, holding a hand out to me to help me onto my feet.

Great not only was I a total fuckup for the group, I blew the entrance and now the band is never gonna let me forget. Oh God, how I wish this was over!

"He's asleep for now," Kevin said as he drew the curtains closed on the blonde's bunk.

"Man," AJ breathed. "How much more shit can this kid go through?"

Howie shuffled the deck of cards as he watched the eldest band member make his way toward the table. "Poor Nick has had nothing but bad luck ever since we set foot in Spain. I have never in my life seen someone have the worst luck that he's had."

"Well, at least management finally got it through their heads that Nick needs time to heal," Brian added. "Wonder what made them finally realize that they had to cancel the rest of this tour?"

Kevin shrugged his shoulders. "Don't know, don't care to know. Why ask?"

"Probably when Kaos zoned out on stage they began to see that he wasn't fit to be performing. I swear fat ass only sees dollar signs," AJ spat as he fished his pack of cigarettes from the window ledge.

Brian's eyes widened. "You aren't planning on lighting up right now are you?"

AJ put the cigarette to his lips and stuck a match. "Yeah."

"I don't like eating around second hand cigarette smoke, thank you," Brian replied as he placed a napkin over his sandwich.

"Did you ever get a hold of Nicky's folks?" Howie asked, trying to lighten the dark mood that was forming between Brian and AJ.

Kevin shook his head. "Nope, you'd think one of them would return my calls. I think one time I left a message with his older sister but she seems to be as scatterbrained as Nick."

A loud thud from the sleeping quarters startled the four men. Kevin was the first to react, followed by the rest, racing toward the bunks.

Call it stupidity or just dumb luck, but for a moment I could have sworn that I was laying in a double wide bed in my motel room. Who would have thought I went from there to this stupid bunk on the freakin bus.....next thing I know, I have the guys staring at me laying on the floor.

"Nick! You okay?"

I could only look at Kevin's face and blink. The fall wasn't that far but jeeze, it can knock the wind out of a guy!

"He's got that spaced out look on his face again," AJ warned.

Okay, I'm not skitzoid! "I'm fine," I whimpered. Geeze, I hate when I sound all pathetic.

"Do you know where you are Nicky?"

Why does Howie always ask stupid questions? "Yeah......a bus!"

"A bus?" AJ echoed.

I winced when AJ's words hit my ears. It felt like the effects from one hangover from hell - I had a big time headache and any noise seemed to make my head pound even more. "Yeah a bus and don't talk so loud."

"I wasn't talking loud," AJ defended in a hushed voice.

"His eyes look funny," Howie said as he knelt down.

"I fell out of the bunk, no big deal okay? I thought I was home and rolled over too many times," I said as I started to sit up. A wave of dizziness suggested however, that I needed to lay back down. Gritting my teeth, I ignored the suggestion my body was telling me and sat up.

"Nick what year is it?"

Pulling a blanket off the bottom bunk, I pulled it over my head, trying to hide because I could feel the tears coming. "Why do you care....you never cared before!"

The four men exchanged worried glances as they looked down at the sobbing lump on the floor. Finally Kevin broke the tense silence.

"Nick, c'mon get up and lets get you back up in bed."

I let Kevin help me off the floor and for some reason he started to lead me to AJ's bunk. Normally I would have begged him to just let me do this myself and go back to my own bed but I honestly didn't care at this point. I felt horrible, my head felt like it would split in two any second but there was no way I would confess to feeling like that! I couldn't help but notice that AJ looked a little pissed when I started to lay back but for some reason he didn't say anything. The smell of cigarettes and the CK cologne that AJ dumped on himself was strong and I swallowed the nausea, praying I would hurl on the blankets! I wasn't gonna complain, no way!

"Just call if you need anything, little man," Kevin said to me as he tucked me tightly in the bed.

God....he called me little man in front of the guys again! There were times I would have said something back to Kevin about that I wasn't little anymore but I was too tired to agrue, I just closed my eyes.

The silence in the bus was nothing compared to the dark mood that AJ seemed to be in. Howie couldn't stand the icy silence from the tattooed rebel and decided it was time to break the thick tension that hung in the air. "That was really nice of you not to make a big deal about Nicky taking your bunk Jay."

Tossing the magazine he was looking at aside, AJ's eyes trailed toward the sleeping quarters. "I guess," he grunted with a shrug. "I just hope that little shit doesn't fart in there and stink the bed up."

"He's sick AJ, Nick can't help it," Brian defended.

"You know that was sort of odd how Nick let Kev put him in the bunk," Howie thought outloud.

"Yeah I was thinking about that earlier, Nick knows how much AJ hates anyone in his space," Brian added.

"God you guys are making me out to be a real asshole," AJ sputtered.

"Guys, lets not fight!" Kevin Richardson warned. "Could hear you clear from the bathroom!"

"You were in there long enough! You must have red rings around your ass!" AJ smirked. "Is it safe to go in?"

"You know we're not suppose to shit on the bus!" Kevin defended, his face turing red at the accusation.

"It takes you twenty minutes to piss? You better see a doc when you get back to the states then."

"For your information, I was up front talking to the bus driver most of the time jackass."

Brian rolled his eyes. "I just love how the conversation always goes toward bathroom habits."

"That's always been a top priority with Bone," Howie agreed.

"Well no one said anything when Nick did it," AJ rasped.

Kevin turned toward AJ. "When Nick did what?"

AJ suddenly realized his mistake. He almost squealed on Nick for shitting on the bus after he swore himself to keep the secret. "Ah, nothing.....just forget what I said okay, I gotta go take a leak."

Brian arched a brow in question as he watched the tattoo rebel stand up and stretch his arms as he headed off toward the bathroom.

Kevin shook his head. "I just never know how to read him sometimes."

The obvious sound of Nick gagging broke the men from their thoughts. Kevin immediately started off toward the sleeping quarters when he almost collided with the blonde as he was rushing toward the bathroom, a hand cupped over his mouth.

"Shit.....AJ's still in the bathroom," Brian pointed out as he watched the scene unfold.

I prayed as I hurried toward the bathroom.....basically I was praying that I would make it there on time. I had already baptized AJ's bunk and I needed to get to the toilet before I threw up again. God when is my stomach going to start giving me some relief? Shit! The door is locked! I started to bang on the door.

"Hold your water!" AJ snarled.

"AJ OPEN UP! NICK NEEDS TO GET IN!" Kevin yelled.

Thank God for Kevin Richardson! I didn't dare open my mouth because I knew what the end result would be. Unfortunately for me, just as AJ opened the door it happened......with my hand being over my mouth, I threw up and it squirted every which way possible, most of it going down my shirt but some hit AJ right on the front of his favorite t-shit.

This has to be the worst day of my life!

Even though the guys kept saying it was okay, I knew that AJ wanted to seriously hurt me by the way he acted when he discovered how messed up I made his bunk by barfing on it. To add insult to injury Brian was visibly gagging, no doubt from the awful smell.

"I've talked to Jared and he's going to stop at the next rest area so we can clean Nick up and get the bus hopefully aired out."

Hopefully? Okay I know it probably smells pretty bad in here, but did Kevin have to put it that way?

"There is no way in hell that stink is gonna come out of my bunk," AJ called out as he was surveying the soiled bunk bed.

Howie shook his head. "Nick couldn't help it."

Great...my head hurts.....my stomach is punishing me....and now AJ is threating to kill me. I did the only thing I could do at the moment and that was sink down to the floor and wrap my arms around my knees. I figured if I sat down on the floor maybe AJ would stop yelling about the mess I made. I wanted to be invisible! Before I realized it, AJ was kneeling beside me.

"I'm sorry Kaos, I didn't mean to be so mad at you it's just that some of my stuff got puked on that I was kinda hoping to keep."

I didn't know if AJ was being sincere or not. I looked up toward Kevin to see if he was giving AJ his "fatherly glare" (the one that Kevin usually gives us when we were messing around too much on stage or said something that was inappropriate). Kevin wasn't looking at AJ, he was looking out the window. That meant that AJ did mean it.

"Really kid, I know I come off sounding really pissed but I guess you would do that too if Brian yacked on your shit."

"Don't start with me AJ!" Brian replied with a glare.

Great...now I have Brian mad at me for causing this too. "I-I'm s-sorry," I squeaked, squeezing my eyes shut when I heard how pathetic my own voice sounded to me.

"You know you could have at least aimed for Kevin," AJ chuckled.

My eyes widened in shock. God, I hope he didn't hear that. Having Kevin Richardson on your bad side is not something that anyone would want! That guy could make the sun hide under clouds if he got mad at it. I'm serious! That's not an exaggeration!

Howie knelt beside AJ. "Don't worry Nick, we'll be at the rest area soon and you can get cleaned up."

Howie, the king of personal hygene was now agreeing that I stunk and needed to be cleaned up. My life sucked, everyone is on my case now!

I had ignored Kevin's suggestion that I get up from the floor, pretending that I had fallen asleep. That was a trick I had learned earlier when we first started the band. Acutally I had done it when I was growing up and my mom would yell at me to do something stupid like play with that annoying kid in our neighborhood or play dolls with my younger sister. Come to think of it, she was usually trying to get me to go away and not bug her tons of times so she could watch TV or talk on the phone. Nice mom...but that's another story.

One of the best things about pretending you're asleep is that you can listen to everything that people are saying about you. That is usually when someone talks. Big mistake this time around on my part because I felt like God was punishing me for faking that I was asleep. Instead of hearing junk about how worried they were about me not feeling good, I heard AJ complain about his bed and then after the guys calmed him down about that, he started in about his shirt.

Like I wanted to spew on his shirt to begin with!

"That little shit should buy me a new shirt!"

Okay, that really hurt that he said that. I honestly didn't try to throw up on him!

"I really doubt that Nick intentionally threw up on you AJ, be reasonable."

Did I ever mention that Howie D is my hero?

"The shirt is ruined!"

Did I ever tell you how much of an asshole AJ McLean can be?

"A little thing called soap and water goes a long way."

Slam dunk for Brian!

"Guys we're here," Kevin announced as I definately felt the bus stop.

As much as I wanted to keep pretending I was asleep and not face the reality of my situation, I faked myself "awake" so no one would have to wake me up.

"Just fricken beautiful...."

Judging by AJ's voice something wasn't well. I looked over to see what he was griping about. My hopes to find him bitching about his shirt were quickly dashed when I found him staring out the bus window.

"It looks like Grand Central Station in that parking lot! Are they holding a pissing convention or something?" AJ moaned.

"It also looks a little rustic too," Howie added.

Okay I could live with the Howie D comment about how the rest area didn't look modern and clean to him but then Howie would say that about a Micky D's restroom. He was so anal about clean it wasn't funny! I was more concerned about AJ's comment. Did that mean the place was crowded as in people or cars? Wait, cars would mean people too, right?

"I-I can go in and clean up by myself," I quietly volunteered. "I-I mean if there are a bunch of people out there, we'd attract more attention if all of us went in there than if I just go by myself." I quickly noticed that Kevin was getting ready to veto my idea. "Besides, you guys can use some of D's spray cologne and make the bus smell better while I'm gone. I'll be okay."

"Absolutely not!" Kevin wheezed.

Great....a guy tries to make things easier for everyone for the mess he caused and Kevin doesn't appreciate the suggestion. I hope to God he doesn't want to take me in the bathroom with him! That would be worse than being thrown into a crowd of screaming fans!

"Why?" I stuck out my bottom lip for added effect.

"Because I said so."

Well it worked before. "Pleeeeaaaasseee?"

"Nick stop begging, AJ will go with you since he needs to clean up."

God anyone but AJ! He's pissed at me so no doubt he'll hold my head under the faucet or even worse try to stick my head in the toilet and flush it!

"C'mon Nick....let's get MJ and go get you hosed off."

At least he was thinking about asking a body guard to join us so I guess that would be a good thing. I'm sure MJ wouldn't let AJ do something mean to me. Just as we were about to get off the bus, Brian ran up towards us, holding something in his hand.

"Here, you might want to change your shirt....just throw that old one in the trash, k?"

I looked down at myself. No way! Not my favorite Tampa Bay Bucs jersey! He has to be crazy! I looked back up at Brian as I took the shirt and I guess he must of read my mind.

"Nick those jerseys are a dime a dozen, you can buy a new one when you get home."

I guess he was right. It was totally decorated with my stomach contents anyway and I bet it would be days before I could wash it effectively.

"Thanks," I mumbled as I turned to walk from the bus with AJ and the body guard.

The bright sunlight was hurting my eyes as I scanned the parking lot. True to AJ's comment of "just fricken beautiful" I discovered that the parking lot was crammed full. It looked like there was some type of convention or a sale on toilet paper by the looks of the vehicles that were jamed in every available parking space.

"Hurry the hell up Nicky!" AJ rasped as he hurried in front of me.

What the heck was his problem anyways? It wasn't like we were going to be mobbed or something. There were a bunch of old people standing outside hardly the kind of people that would listen to Backstreet Boys music. I seriously doubt anyone knows who we are. I suddenly felt a hand grab my arm and jerk me.

"This ain't the time to be spacing out! C'mon lets get out of this shit and get back on the bus, comprende?"

I jerked my arm away from AJ. God he can be rough with me sometimes. I bet this is gonna leave a bruise I thought to myself as I rubbed the offended area.

We had been in the bathroom for only a few minutes when I started feeling woozy. I don't know if it was from the heat or the fact that this bathroom smelled like a wet diaper but it made me feel dizzy. Not good at all. Okay Carter, just splash some cold water on your face, ditch the jersey and it will be alright.

"Nicky...are you gonna be okay?"

Maybe not.

"Dude, just scoot down against the wall."

That was a pretty easy direction from AJ. I didn't have any problem sliding down the wall, I did have a problem of timing how fast I slid though. I winded up on the tiled floor on my ass with a jolt.

"Whoa.....take it easy Nick."

"He looks like he's gonna pass out," MJ said in a hushed voice.

Good observation!

"Nick, put your head between your knees," AJ said as he pressed on the back of my head to where he wanted it to be.

I guess the body guard was trained for these types of situations when the next thing I felt was a cold paper towel being pressed against the back of my neck, which by the way felt pretty good.

"Just breathe slow Nick," AJ said in a calm voice.

"Should I go get Mr. Richardson?"

"No! I've got this thing covered, just stay here," AJ replied. This time I noticed his voice wasn't as calm as it had been. I think he felt more in control as long as someone was with him for some reason.

How pathetic could I be? Here I am in a public restroom, shirtless and my head stuck between my knees. Do you know how gay this must look? Especially with AJ next to me with his face next to my head? Someone just kill me now!

After a few minutes of feeling like I was gonna kiss the floor by fainting, the feeling left and I was feeling okay. Not 100% but at least I didn't feel like I was on the verge of falling over. "I-I'm okay now."

I realized that AJ had different thoughts when I felt his hand press down on my shoulder. "Just stay where you are until I say you can stand up."

I bet the air was a lot better smelling standing than being so close to this dirty tiled floor! "I-I really can't breathe sitting down here like this."

That seemed to be all it took. AJ immediately removed his hand from my shoulder and then placed around my upper arm for support as he and MJ guided me up to a standing position. With that task accomplished, I quickly pulled the shirt Brian gave me over my head and splashed some cool water onto my face while AJ got himself cleaned off. MJ, however, never took his eyes off of me. I could feel his penetrating stare burn the back of my head!

"You ready to go back and see if they got the bus cleaned up?"

I was more ready to go back and lay down, but yeah getting out of this pee smelling excuse for a rest room, yeah, you could say I was more than ready!

As we headed back toward the bus, I smiled as I remembered how AJ went into overprotective drive when I had that spell in the bathroom. He can be really cool. AJ had suddenly slowed his pace and dropped back to where I was, grabbing me by the arm.

"Don't breathe a word of what I did in there Carter, to anyone or I'll punch your face in, got it?"

I swallowed hard as I nodded. I knew that AJ was serious. "Uh-huh."

Did I say AJ can be really cool? I take that back.

Much to my relief, the bus smelled a little better than it did earlier. AJ, unfortunately didn't seem to happy when he discovered that they tore up his bunk and packed his comforter from home and his pillow in a large garbage bag.

"We didn't have a choice," Kevin said.

I knew that AJ wanted to smack me by the way he was looking at his now bare bunk area and rubbing his hand across his face. He was pissed!

"I'm sorry."

That sounded pretty lame but what else could I say? I couldn't help what happened and if I had the choice I would have thrown up in my own bunk or not thrown up at all! I could tell that Kevin must have been giving him the 'look' because AJ suddenly turned away and brushed past me.

"Jay be an adult would you?"

"Just leave me the fuck alone, okay D."

"Nick feels bad--"

"You don't understand Dorough! Just shut the fuck up!"

AJ called Howie by his last name.....this was never a good thing. Now I had Howie getting in trouble because of me.

"Nick....Nicky?"

Feeling a hand on my shoulder I jumped, startled. Turning my head, I noticed Brian looking at me, grinning.

"You spaced out on me."

I ran a hand trough my hair. It came back wet with sweat. Yuck!

"Are you feeling alright?"

I groaned. I wanted to scream 'no I don't feel alright! my mind is like swiss cheese! I'm missing the last two days of my life!'

"Yeah, just a little tired," I lied. Actually that wasn't a lie, I was tired not to mention my head felt like it was going to explode.

"Maybe you should lay down on the couch until we get to the hotel."

I nodded. Just as I turned to go lay down on the couch I noticed that AJ was sprawled on it.

Brian moved up to AJ, smacking the bottom of his foot. "Mind moving? Nick needs to lay down."

"I was here first!"

"Yeah so Nick needs to lay down so get up!"

AJ smiled an evil grin up at Brian. "So let him sleep in your bunk, I'm sure you wouldn't mind."

"He wants to lay on the couch, move your butt."

"Guys please don't fight. I'll just sit here."

Brian and AJ stared at me like I was a freak or something.

"Since when did Nick give up so easy?"

"Who cares, at least he figured out that I wasn't gonna move," AJ replied, shifting his weight on the couch.

I laid my head on the table, eager to find the safe cover of sleep. AJ must have felt bad because he tapped me on the shoulder.

"Kid, go ahead on lay down on the couch."

Normally I would have argued about him calling me a kid but right now I was happy to lay my throbbing head on something soft.

It seemed like I had just closed my eyes when the distinct smell of cinnamon greeted my nose and Kevin's insistant voice telling me to wake up.

"Nick...wake up, we're here."

I slowly sat up, rubbing my eyes, trying to wake up. At first everything looked double and when I finally saw only one of everything I discovered that things were blurry. Must be I slept too hard or I should be wearing my glasses more often, I decided.

"Nick, let me take that for you," Brian said as he took the backpack before I had a chance to take it.

"You already have enough stuff to carry," I protested.

"It's okay, you have enough to manage just walking into the hotel by the looks of it. You don't seem to be awake enough yet."

I really still felt out of it in a way, I admitted to myself.

"Whoa dude, you're dog tracking!" Howie said as he grabbed me by the arm, trying to steady me.

"Sorry, I guess I wasn't watching where I was going."

Howie stopped me and turned me to face him. He was staring at me. "You sure you're okay Nicky?"

"I'm fine!"

Okay where did that come from? I honestly don't know why I snapped at him but I could tell I hurt his feelings because Howie moved his hand from my arm like I had burned him.

"I'm sorry," I said quietly.

"It's okay Nicky, lets get you in bed."

I swear Howie has a heart of gold. No matter what you do to him he never seems to get pissed off.

I had only been laying in my bed for what only seemed to be a few minutes when Howie tapped me on the shoulder.

"C'mon Nick, we have a meeting in fifteen minutes."

Did Howie just say a meeting?

"It's still night," I protested.

"I wish it was," Howie replied with a shrug.

"But I just went to bed," I whined.

"Nicky, you've been asleep for almost nine hours," Howie corrected me as he started to unzip my bag.

"I really don't feel up to doing a meeting," I said as I pulled the blankets over my head.

"Tell that to Lou when you get to the meeting."

Great! Now Howie was turning on me? What happened to him being concerned? Reluctantly, I got dressed and brushed my teeth and combed my hair. I didn't care how greasy and matted it looked. I felt like complete shit and I didn't really care how bad I looked. Maybe management would finally realize how bad they are for making me get up and go to some stupid assed meeting!

My life totally sucked!

I was barely out of the bathroom when Howie started toward the door. "C'mon we're already late."

"And this would be a bad thing, how?"

"Geeze you really are a crab in the morning," Howie commented as he stood by the door.

"Just hold on a sec, I need to get my glasses," I mumbled as I unzipped my backpack. Once I found them, I slipped them on, blinking my eyes several times. The blurred vision continued no matter how much I tried to clear my eyes. Maybe my prescription was getting bad.

"Are you okay Nick?"

"Huh?"

"You keep rubbing your eyes. Do they hurt?"

Okay I am seriously gonna have to lie or Howie will put some kind of eye drop in my eyes if I say no.

"No, they don't hurt," I spat back.

Well that was the truth, they didn't hurt....it was just that I couldn't see a fricken thing if I wanted to right now!

Howie smiled. "Well, lets go then, we don't want to keep them waiting."

Man, could this guy get any more cheerful?

I probably looked like a man on death row walking toward the chair as I followed Howie to where the meeting was being held. I seriously had better things to do than sit in some stuffy room listening to management go off on us about how we let the fans down or broke some stupid Backstreet Rule. I swear Lou Pearlman was gay like that sometimes. He had too many rules and laws as far as I was concerned and by the way I felt right now I was going to let him know where he could shove his rules!

"Well....well.....well, looks like you two finally found your way in."

I hate Lou Pearlman!

Taking the first available seat, I tried to desperately become invisible. My head was throbbing and my eyes were playing games as I tried to focus on Kevin sitting across the table from me. One Kevin...Two Kevins.....One Kevin again....one big bushy eyebrow!

Good thing I wasn't sitting next to him because the 'second Kevin' looked like he wanted to kick my ass.

"Nick...sit up."

I didn't want to sit up, I wanted to lay my head down on the table. This meeting sucked and I couldn't see why they couldn't just report back to me what this was all about. Looking up, I noticed that the ceiling tiles were water stained in a weird pattern then I looked down to see if the water made marks on the table we were sitting at.

"Nick!"

Oops, I mustof been caught spacing out!

"S-sorry," I said as I rested my head against Howie's shoulder. I wanted to crawl under the table now, I felt so dizzy.

The next thing I knew Kevin was yelling at Lou and Lou was yelling at Kevin. God, this really was making my head hurt more!

"C'mon Nick," Brian said to me as he pulled on my shirt. "We're done."

"Remember, the show starts at seven, not eight, not eight thirty!"

Show? What is Lou talking about? What did I miss?

"C'mon Nick.....lets get some rest before the schedule starts up again," Howie said as he grabbed my arm.

"What schedule?"

"Lou has got us doing a charity show tonight," AJ grumbled as he walked past.

Charity show tonight? I feel like baked shit!

My life really sucks!

I don't get it......last thing I remember was talking to Brian on the elevator after the meeting and now I'm laying on a couch in my stage clothes listening to Lou and Kevin go at each others throats. When the heck did I get dressed in this stuff?

"I've told you that Nick isn't fit to be anyplace but on a plane headed for home!"

"Are you a doctor now, Richardson?"

"It wouldn't take a doctor to realize that something is wrong with him when he completely blanked out on TV!"

I was on TV? I don't remember being on TV......

"So Carter blanked out during his part in a song! You've done that before too Richardson!"

"Jesus Lou, it wasn't just a part! Nick wasn't there during the entire song! I'm going to get us a flight home. Nick needs to be seen by a doctor."

It was nice of Kevin to fight for me but the yelling was hurting my ears and I could swear that Lou looked like he was going to have a heart attack. That was all I needed! Lou dying because of something dumb I did and Kevin getting in his face and killing him.

"Please don't fight, I'm okay."

Lou pointed at me. "See, the boy said so himself, he's okay......right Nick?"

Kevin was staring at me like I had grown two heads. "He's not okay."

"Kevin, really I'm fine," I argued as I started to sit up.

"Everything is fine, Carter spaced out during rehearsal so we can still do the show," Lou said as he was walking over to me. "Thank God it wasn't live." Kevin suddenly stepped between me and the manager.

"Nick is anything but okay." Great, now Kevin crossed his arms over his chest. This is never a good thing. "Nick, can you tell me what day this is?"

I stared at Kevin for a moment. How the heck should I know? We don't know where we are half the time let alone what day of the week it was.

"You're kidding, right?"

"No I'm not."

"How is having Nick tell us it's Thursday have anything to do with how well he is?" Lou asked.

"Thursday," I replied, flashing my Backstreet smile.

Kevin scowled. "You only knew that one thanks to Lou telling!"

"I knew it was Thursday!" I lied.

"Okay.....then how about this," Kevin said as he started singing. "Everybody....."

Kevin was staring at me again. "Oh, you want me to sing back?"

"Well that was what I planning for you to do."

I licked my lips as I tried to come up with what he wanted me to do. "Okay could you sing that again please?"

"See! Nick doesn't have a clue!"

Geeze, does Kevin think I'm dumb?

"C'mon Kev....just sing it again and I'll jump in." There was no way I was going to let him know that I completely forgot what he had just sang. Funny, I keep forgetting simple stuff lately. Like did I eat today? When was the last time I ate?

"NICK!"

Oops....must be I spaced out again.

"Sorry....what did you sing again?"

Instead of singing, Kevin started pacing the floor, running a hand through his hear mumbling 'Great....just great'

"Look Richardson, we really can't afford to play around...the boy said he was fine, I'm sure he's okay, time is money," Lou grumbled.

"This really isn't good...." Kevin replied.

"Let's just get this over so I can go to bed," I said walking toward the door.

"See, Nick wants to go to bed.......this just isn't right."

"Richardson you're always making a big deal over something insignificant," Lou bellowed.

Didn't I tell them it hurts my ears when they yell? I could tell them again or maybe I could wait until after the tv thing......maybe we'll get to eat after the tv thing.....I'm really starting to get hungry....wonder if we could get a pizza...

"Carter....let's move!"

Ooops, spaced out again. So much for Lou Pearlman acting all nicey-nice to me! Before I knew it, I had three stage people swarming around me, fixing my hair and putting makeup on my face.....ugh! I hate that greasy stage stuff. It really makes my face break out big time not to mention the smell pretty much makes me want to puke.

I suddenly jerked when I felt Kevin shaking my arm.

"Wha....what?"

"This isn't a good idea..."

"Huh? No it's all good, let's do it."

Suddenly I was led to a bright television set with a long green leather couch. Green leather?!? Do they have green cows in....where the heck are we again? I guess that isn't important cause I do remember that today is Thursday! I'll have to as the host when we start about their cows. I'm sure she'll be able to tell me.

"Nick, you sit here," a stagehand pointed to the first spot on the couch. Before I could take my assigned seat, Kevin practically jumped in between me and the couch and I almost sat on his lap.

"No Nicky, you sit next to me right here," Kevin said as he patted the vacant spot. "We always have me sitting next to the show's host and Nick is suppose to sit next to me....it's in our contract."

"Since when have we had a contract on where we sit?" I asked. Seriously....when did we have a contact on where we sit?

"It started today," Kevin hissed in my ear.

Once everyone was sitting, the director reminded us that we would be going live in two minutes. I looked at my hands in my lap and noticed how bad they were shaking. Why were they shaking? I never get that nervous before a show. Just butterflies in my stomach but I never get shakey hands!

Kevin leaned over and whispered, "Nicky....are you alright?"

I swallowed hard, nodding my head. He had to have seen my hands shaking! I quickly folded them, hoping that this would calm them down.

"We'll cover for you, just don't do any talking unless you absolutely have to," Kevin reminded.

I did remember that one. Backstreet Rule number one. Always cover for anyone that is sick or forgets their part. Or was it Backstreet Rule number two?

"Nick...sit up straight and act like you're paying attention," Kevin said as he nudged me on my side.

"We are so pleased to have you stop by today!"

Great....this woman seemed too happy to me. Wonder what kind of drugs shes doing? I think I saw a coke machine that had bottles of beer in them too. That would be so cool if they had that in Florida. Bottles of beer at a vending machine.....

"Nick, she asked you a question," Kevin said, adding a nervous laugh.

I smiled at the woman. "I'm sorry what did you ask.....I didn't hear you."

"Now there's an understatement," AJ grinned.

"Nick doesn't like girlfriend questions...he's being chicken," Brian answered, making a clucking noise.

"Nick isn't attached," Howie filled in.

"Can Nick talk for himself?" the hostess asked.

"Yes he does talk," Kevin said.

"Sometimes too much!" AJ laughed.

"I heard you had some bad luck in Spain," the woman continued.

Spain? Bad luck? IN SPAIN? We were in Spain? Shit I don't know what she is talking about.

"Well Nicky was fine after we told the girl that he was underage. Sometimes he thinks he's 21," AJ rasped.

Brian frowned at AJ's way of diverting the question. "Nick is doing much better, right Kevin?"

This really had me wondering what the heck they were saying. "What are you guys talking about? What girl?"

"Those fans rushed you and you were knocked to the ground," the woman filled in.

"Oh that! Yeah I'm okay now. I remember bits and pieces of that...it was pretty scary."

Kevin stared at me for a moment.

"I remember....."

Kevin continued to stare at me. "You do?"

"Nick, you look like you have a question for me," the hostess asked. "Is there something you'd like to see while you're in Germany?"

I looked at the woman for a second as I thought about what Germany would have for me to go sight seeing. "Yeah," I answered as I patted the couch. "I wanna see those green cows you guys have."

"NICK!"

Oops....spaced out again. "Could you stop yelling?"

Kevin closed his eyes and sighed....Great he only does that when he gets pissed!

"You don't seem to be with me."

This time it was me that closed my eyes and sighed. "I'm on the bus with you...."

"That's not what I mean....you keep spacing out on us."

AJ chuckled. "Well that's pretty normal for Carter.....he is always spacing out!"

"Okay I admit I was thinking while you were staring at me......I always do that when you start to lecture me." Judging by the look on Kevin's face, that wasn't one of the smartest things to tell him. I shoulda said that I was trying not to listen to him cause I knew he was gonna go postal on me. God I can be so stupid sometimes!

"Come on Nicky, lets get you into bed. Rest is the best thing for you right now."

Wow! Kevin didn't get pissed! I gratefully took the suggestion from Kevin and before I knew it, I was tucked back into my bunk.

"There you go little man," Kevin said as he patted me on the leg. It kinda made me miss my mom. She used to do that when I was a little kid. She'd tuck me into bed at night and tell me that there wasn't a boogey man waiting in the dark to crawl out from under the bed and start eating me. I think that happened to that one kid that lived down the block from our old house in Ruskin......

"Nick?"

"Yeah I will." My reply was automatic, I guess it was right because the next thing I knew, Kevin was pulling the curtians shut on AJ's bunk. Wonder what he asked me....

Once the men were back in the living quarters, Kevin pulled out his cell phone, looking through his stored numbers. "I'm getting ahold of either Bob or Jane Carter if it takes me all night....this is insane!"

"S-h-h-h, keep it down, Nick might hear you!" Howie admonished quietly.

"Nick knows how screwed up his family is," Kevin growled as he continued his search for the contact number.

"What if you don't reach them, God knows D has tried," AJ reminded.

"You don't know Kevin," Brian said with a grin. "He gets pretty determined once he sets his mind to it."

"So you get ahold of one of them.....what good is that gonna do?" AJ spat with a sour look on his face.

Kevin threw a dark look. "When I get a hold of them I will be filling them in on how sick their son is!"

AJ stared at him, folding his arms across his chest. "Yeah....and like I said before - what good is that gonna do?"

This time it was Howie that tossed a look over at the rebel. "Don't push him," he warned softly.

"This is so----"

AJ stopped in midsentence when Brian punched him in the shoulder and then motioned toward his cousin. Sure enough, Kevin was talking into the phone, his free hand cupped over his ear so he could hear.

"Can you get your mommy or daddy please?"

"Great this will go well," AJ whispered.

"It might if you keep quiet," Howie whispered back, motioning toward Kevin before placing a finger to his lips.

"Oh for chrissake," AJ sputtered, walking toward the eldest bandmember.

"I'm sorry if I woke you up honey, but I really need to talk to your mommy or daddy."

AJ jerked the phone from Kevin's hand. "Kid, get your dad now!"

Kevin rubbed a hand acorss his face in an effort to calm himself.

"Yeah Bob..."

This time Kevin jerked the phone away from AJ.

"I'm sorry to call you like this but we've been playing phone tag....the reason I called is about your son......well he really is a sick kid and I didn't think that Lou told Jane everything about what happened.....yes sir...yes sir.....well you see he was knocked out and he took a pretty good hit to his head....yes sir....yes sir...well the reason I felt the need to call you was that although Lou cancelled the rest of the tour, he felt the need to have us do some promotional gigs and Nick really isn't fit to be doing this....yes sir.....two more that I know of...yes sir.....no sir he isn't with us....yes sir I will have him do that.....I will tell Nick....."

Howie, Brian and AJ had been standing, watching Kevin as he paced the floor while he talked to Nick's father. The phone coversation on Kevin's side was limited and they didn't have a clue if the older man was able to get through to Bob or not. The conversation ended abrubtly and instead of turning to face his bandmates, Kevin stormed back toward the back of the bus.

"I'm guessin' that call did not go well," AJ growled.

Howie made his way over toward the seating area. "You don't know that for sure, don't jump to conclusions."

Brian nodded his head in agreement. He looked toward the back of the bus. "Well maybe he went off to talk to Mr. Pearlman."

"Just keep on dreamin Kentucky boy," AJ grumbled as he felt his shirt pocket for his pack of cigarettes.

"He was talking to Bob instead of Jane," Howie pointed out as he watched AJ light up the cigarette. "And you know that Bob is more sensible when it comes to the kids."

AJ flopped into a chair. "I don't think either Carter is sensible when it comes to their kids."

"That's not very nice to say," Brian admonished.

The tattooed rebel took a deep drag from the cigarette, holding it in his lungs before he slowly exhaled. "Well I ain't no authority on parenting but those two aren't what you call caring parents. Personally I think Jane popped out kids just for something to do....more for attention than anything else."

Brian shook his head. "Could you keep your opinions to yourself, please?"

"I can voice my opinions if I want," AJ snorted.

"Those really are opinions that shouldn't be mentioned outloud," Howie added.

God my bed was never this lumpy....oh wait thats cause I'm not in my bed....man I'm really thirsty....

Great! I groaned outloud when a huge wave of dizziness suddenly hit. What the heck did I do last night? I squeezed my eyes shut and took two deep breaths. That should help. When I opened my eyes I found that I had four feet instead of two! What the heck is going on?

Closing my eyes, I shook my head....maybe I just slept too hard.....

Okay just one pair of feet now!

Hanging onto the side of the wall, I made my way slowly down the dark hall, trying my best not to make any sudden moves just in case that was what caused me to see four of my own feet. I definately didn't want that to happen again. I must have really partied last night! I don't really remember last night so that must be it......

Okay now I was out of wall and discovered that Howie, Brian and AJ were already up....the couch was only two feet away. I slowly made it to the leather couch, thinking that no one noticed my presence.

"Yo Nicky!"

AJ's loud voice literally made my head want to explode. I put an arm across my face, not bothering to answer.

"Nick, how are you feeling?"

I could smell the soap so I knew it was Brian that was hovering over me.

"I dunno," I muttered. God talking made my skin hurt. Is that possible? Can your skin actually hurt cause mine did.....

"Sounds like you're not awake yet.."

D is always Captain Obvious......

"He still looks funny to me."

I peeked up at Brian from under my arm. What is he talking about?

"Yeah he actually looks whiter than normal."

Whiter than normal?!? What the hell! "I'm okay...just drank too much last night."

AJ snorted at my little comment. It must have been him that got me drunk last night!

"Drank too much of what Kaos? Gatorade? Water?"

"You know what I meant," I defended quietly.

"I think you're dreaming kid cause the strongest thing I've ever seen you drink is Gatorade!"

I could feel the heat rise to my cheeks in a full on blush....God I hate when I get embarrassed. My face always gives me away! I rolled over and buried my face into the pillow.

"Leave me alone!" I groaned into the pillow.

"God you're such a crab when you wake up.....I think he's fine, just ornery," AJ decided outloud.

Okay I felt like crap and there was no way I was going to lay on this couch and listen to them pick at me. I rolled over and quickly sat up - which I then decided was not a good idea when the room started spinning. I'll just go get my bottled water and go lay back down in my bunk until we get to wherever the hell we're supposed to be going to. I only took about two steps when discovered that my feet didn't necessarily do what I wanted them to do. Hopefully no one noticed.

"Hey Nick what are you doing?"

Or not. Damn Howie!

"I...I was gonna go lay back down but I decided I wanted to take some water back with me."

Great! Now they're watching me! These guys need a life besides watching me! As best as I can, I carefully made my way into the kitchenette and grabbed a bottle of water, uncapping it and taking a quick gulp to show them that this was my intentions. After two tries I finally was able to screw the cap back on and thank God that was with my back to them.

"Wake me when we get there," I mumbled as I started slowly toward the bunks. I made it part way back when suddenly, the worst headache of my life ripped through my brain. Then my world went dark as I fell to the floor.

"NICKY!"

I blinked my eyes several times to try and get them into focus. What the heck was AJ doing staring at me and why the hell was he smacking me in the face? Sometimes he can be such an asshole! Wait....what is he doing in my bedroom?! "Nick....."

Yeah, I think we already established that.....

"Are you okay?"

Instead of AJ staring down at me while I laid on the floor.....Why am I on the floor? Hey, wait, since when did my bedroom have kitchen cabinets? Why is Brian, AJ, Howie and Kevin in my bedroom?

"Nick....Nick?"

Okay slapping me in the face once got my attention AJ! I covered my face with my hands to get him to stop.

"Knock it off!"

"You were spacing out, I didn't think you were awake."

"His eyes were open AJ."

Thank God for Captian Obvious Howie D!

"Yeah but I've seen people die with their eyes open."

Great thought! I'm not dead yet...thanks Bone.

"How about we help Nick sit up."

How about we leave Nick alone Brian? God what the heck is it with that guy anyway?

"Did you hit your head when you fell?"

"What?"

"Did you hit your head when you fell?"

What the heck is Kevin talking about? Is he that queer by hanging out in my bedroom?

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"He really doesn't seem to be with us," AJ whispered as he held an open hand above my head, poised to slap me again.

This time I had enough! I sat up, glaring at AJ. "Don't you slap me again! Why are y'all in my bedroom?"

Talk about an uncomfortable silence! It was almost like I had announced that I slept with a close relative of each of the guys by the way they stared at me.

"Nick, this isn't your bedroom," Kevin said as he literally stuck his face in my face.

"Yeah I knew that," I lied, looking around.

"Then where do you think you are again?"

"The same place," I answered.

"Thats a pretty convenient answer," AJ grunted.

"S-h-h-h," Brian shushed as he glared at AJ.

Whew, thanks for getting him off my back Brian.

"Let him tell us."

I take that back.....

"I want to go to bed, can y'all just leave me alone? My head hurts," I complained. It was the truth, I was tired and I was getting a huge fricken headache. Must be because I fainted, right?

"He probably got that from fainting."

Thanks Kevin...see....I'm not so dumb after all.

Before I realized it, Kevin was leading me back toward the bunks on the bus.....when did we get on a bus? I have a bus in my bedroom?

"Here you go little man..."

Geeze! I hate when he calls me that sometimes!

I think I got a hug after Kevin pulled the covers over my chest. That was kinda cool, it made me feel safe and kinda important for some reason.

"Nick, just call me if you need something, don't try and get out of bed without telling anyone anymore," Kevin said to me in a stern voice. "I just don't want to see you get more hurt than what you already are. Try and get some rest, you need it."

Before I could argue, he pulled the curtains shut and I could hear the distinctive sounds of his cowboy boots evenly walk away from the sleeping area. I guess I better take his advice and try and get some rest. Where ever we were I'm sure it wasn't going to be a short trip before we got to where we were suppose to be going to.

As soon as I opened my eyes I panicked. This was so not like my bedroom carpet at home! Where the heck am I? I better get up before someone finds me and starts to worry.....

"Lay still Nicky!"

Crap!

"Wait until Kevin gets here," Howie said to me in an earie calm voice.

I brushed someone's hand off my arm. "I'm fine."

"Nick you fainted...that's not fine," AJ rasped.

Okay they were starting to piss me off. Can't a guy get up when he wants to? Ignoring the hand that was put back on my arm, I sat up......not a good move I'm guessin' when my stomach felt like it was doing flip-flops. I quickly laid back down again.

"So you're gonna listen to what we're telling you now?"

God AJ could be such a pain in my ass.....a challenge had been issued so ignoring my better judgement, I sat back up again and dragged my pathetic body into a standing position, pushing their hands away from me. "Just let me go, okay? I'm fine and I wanna go back to bed."

You know how you feel like someone is staring at your back? I definately could tell after I stood up and placed a hand on the wall for support. Something was totally messed up when I quickly discovered that I actually needed to keep my hand on the wall or I would fall into it. Since when has my balance been screwed up? Just as I started to feel myself pitch away from the safety of the wall, I felt AJ's bony arms wrap around me.

"Easy there little bro, I gotcha."

What the heck was happening with me?

"Lets take you over to the couch......"

The couch? I didn't want to go to the couch I think I wanted to go lay back down in bed. My mind was trying to tell my feet to go the other way but for some reason it was being slightly obedient and following where AJ was guiding me. Before I realized it, I found myself sitting on the soft couch, slumped over to one side. The next thing I knew, Kevin was literally sprinting towards me, panic etched in his face with Brian close behind.

"What the hell is going on?"

Before I could open my mouth to tell my side of the story, Howie was talking.

"Nicky was walking down the hall toward us and then when we were just commenting about how he didn't look right to us---"

"He fainted," AJ interrupted with a scowl on his face directed toward Howie.

"I was trying to tell Kevin that but----"

"He doesn't need fricken details just get to the damn point D!" AJ hissed.

Kevin held a hand up to quiet AJ as he looked at me but I kinda felt like he was looking through me. All the guys were staring at me! Geeze why were they looking at me like that? I don't remember fainting either! Why was AJ making up stuff?

"I'm fine," I squeaked. Okay, I squeaked!? My voice has been doing some weird shit but I thought my voice changed for good two years ago.

"Are you feeling sick to your stomach?"

Kevin had a habit of analyzing everything before making a final decision. I guess I should be used to it by now but I hated it with a passion!

"I said I was fine!" Whoa! That was probably the first time I growled at the guy. I think I musta hurt his feelings because he blinked his eyes kinda fast.....maybe he was gonna cry? "I'm sorry....I didn't mean to sound mean. I'm fine."

"Do you know where you are?" Kevin asked as he studied my face.

Okay this was starting to get old and fast!. "I just want to lay down, I've got a huge headache. Can you ask me that stuff in the morning?"

I couldn't help but notice the weird look Kevin gave me, in fact, everyone was giving me a weird look.

"Morning? Nick it's almost lunch time," Kevin informed me.

"Yeah well I meant to say later.....geeze just let me lay down and go to sleep." I leaned over and laid back on the couch to prove my point, putting a throw pillow over my head for emphasis. I wanted to sink into that couch and become invisible! I hated when Kevin asked me questions I could answer to his satisfaction! It was quiet for a few seconds so I was hoping that he got the hint that I wanted to be left alone.

"Nick do you know where you are?"

Okay maybe he didn't get the hint......."I'm on a couch." Geeze what a stupid question!

"No I mean where are you.....as in place?"

I lifted a corner of the pillow up so I could look at Kevin's face. "I thought a couch was a place.....at least that was what Mrs. Hazelman said." With that said, I laid the pillow back on my face. Just as the pillow went down, it came back up again.

"Who?"

"Mrs. Hazelman....."

"Who the hell is Mrs. Hazelman?" Kevin demanded.

"My third grade English teacher," I hissed grabbing the pillow away from Kevin's hands.

"What happened with Lou back there?"

Thank god Brian was getting sick of Kevin picking on me! At least he was trying to get Kevin's attention away from Mrs. Hazelman! Now she would be someone that would definately freak Kevin out with those ugly cat eye glasses she wore and her gray hair that she always wore in a tight bun ontop of her head. I don't think she had much hair because that was a tiny looking bun....that is what those girls called that wasn't it? A bun...funny name for hair...a bun...why not a muffin? or better yet a waffle.....too funny...an Eggo on her head! We could of called her Eggo head!

"Nick, Brian asked you a question!"

Ooops, spaced out again! "Huh? Wait a minute, Brian had just asked Kevin about Lou...aren't you gonna answer him?"

"That was answered like about five minutes ago," AJ rasped.

"So what happened with Lou? What did I miss?"

"Everything," Howie said.

I dragged a hand over one side of my face. "I wanna go to sleep, okay? Why don't you ask me stuff when I get up?"

"Why are you avoiding questions? It's just a simple question," Brian said.

"Will you leave me alone after I answer you?"

"Depends," Brian said with a smile.

I moaned....great that means probably not in my dictionary. "Okay what did you ask me?"

"Do you know where you are?"

Stupid, dumb question. I stared my best friend in the eyes. "Are you serious?"

"Yup. Dead serious."

"Sitting on a couch."

"No, Carter, not that easy," AJ rasped.

I rolled my eyes....shit that hurt my head! "Okay sitting on a couch in a bus."

"How about place besides the bus," Kevin quizzed.

I stared at the old man and then looked out the window behind him at the blur of passing scenery. Okay this was a hard question to answer. "How the heck am I suppose to know that one? I mean we are going down the road and besides, we don't know where we are from one night to the next." I knew I had them there! They had to let me go now!

Kevin and Brian exchanged glances. Must be they agreed with me! I started to get up from the couch and both guys pushed me back down.

"No Nick, where as in country..." Kevin said sternly.

I swallowed hard as I stared up at Kevin. "Country?"

"Are we in the states or a country?" Brian added.

I closed my eyes before I tilted my head back. "We're in a country and don't ask me where cause I don't know," I admitted. The only reason why I knew it wasn't in the states was because I noticed a road sign that I knew wasn't from the states when I looked out the window. "Can I go back to bed now?"

Again Brian and Kevin exchanged glances. This time I think it looked like worried looks.....I didn't really care right now, I just wanted to go to sleep. I felt so tired right now that I could sleep forever if they'd let me. I was surprised when Kevin held out his arm for me to grab.

"C'mon little man, lets get you back to bed."

Whew.....Kev could be really cool sometimes. Did I ever mention how much I love that guy?

Kevin paced in front of the couch, drawing a hand through his dark, thick hair. The rest of the men assembled in the living area silently watched the eldest band member anxiously. Finally after a few minutes had passed he stopped, drawing a deep breath in and then sighing loudly.

"I just don't understand this at all," he began, gesturing towards the sleeping quarters with his thumb. "He seems to be getting worse, not better and no one seems to be seeing what I'm seeing and listening to what I'm saying....."

"I can't understand how the Carter's don't listen to a word you've said," Brian said softly.

"I would have thought Bob would have at least listened," Howie added.

"Screw the Carter's they don't listen to anyone but themselves," AJ spat as he placed an unlit cigarette to his lips.

Kevin sighed as he sat down on the couch. He rubbed his face in a tired gesture and then leaned forward, cradling his head in his hands.

"Don't take this situation so personally, Kev," Brian said empathetically.

Instead of relaxing at Brian's words, Kevin shook his head. "I do take this personally.....Nick should be in a hospital not on a stupid tour bus. It's my fault that Lou isn't listening to a word I've said..."

"Bullshit!" AJ rasped as he exhaled the cigarette smoke he had been holding in his lungs. "You are only a friend not a legal guardian of Nick's and there's nothing more you can do that you haven't already done. You've covered all the bases."

"Maybe I have but Pearlman seems to think that we should do a few more PR events before we board a plane for home and he has made certain that we can't leave without his permisson."

"How can fatass keep us?" AJ questioned.

"He's got our passports so we're basically screwed, remember?"

AJ snapped his fingers in defeat. "Shit I forgot about that."

"That is kinda weird that we surrendered our passports to him after we went through customs," Brian thought outloud.

"I guess it was okay at the time," Kevin replied. "I mean the last time we toured Europe remember how Nicky misplaced his passport and we went though hell until he finally found it inside one of his video game cases?"

"But it is really dumb that we all had to pay for his stupidity," Howie stated.

"Yeah but I didn't even question him when he asked for our passports. He made some flimsy excuse that he needed to keep them secure. I didn't even think about the fact that if he had our passports that we were screwed into doing what he wanted us to do. He pretty much has us under his thumb until we board the plane for Florida," Kevin said bitterly.

"Quit blaming yourself, whats done is done," Howie soothed. "We just have to figure a way out of this now."

Before they realized it, the bus had stopped outside of a low grade hotel and Pearlman greeted them as he made his way toward the front of the bus, the ever-dreaded clipboard in his tight grasp.

"People.....people......everyone focus up here," the manager bellowed as he flipped a few sheets of worn paper over the top of the clip board. "Where the hell is Carter!? I need him up here! He needs to listen to this!"

"We just stopped two seconds ago," Howie defended quietly for the sleeping teen.

"Try five minutes ago Dorough," Pearlman barked. "Get Carter up here.....pronto!"

The eldest bandmember sat back on the couch, folding his arms across his chest. "We can just fill him in when we get settled in our hotel room."

"He's really not feeling well," Brian added, ignorning his cousin's warning glare after he opened his mouth.

"Carter's never feeling well...he's such a sissy," the manager snickered.

"I doubt you'd feel 100% after smacking your head on a cement floor," AJ rapsed.

Lou shook his head, ignoring the rebel's comment. "We have busy schedule this afternoon with two radio shows and a charity concert tonight and tomorrow in this god forsaken city..."

Kevin jumped off the couch. "Tomorrow! You said we only had two more PR things you wanted us to do and then we could go home!"

"That will be enough out of you Richardson! You whine like a baby like blondie does."

Kevin wasn't going to be pushed aside easily. "No Lou, I'm sticking up for the rest of us. This is bullshit and it has to stop. Nick needs proper medical attention and I'll be damned if you'll have your way--"

"I'll have my way because I have contracts and your passports and you'll do as I say!" The older man paused for a few moments, staring at the young men assembled in front of him, waiting for another comment. When no one spoke up, he smiled briefly. "That's what I thought. Now as I was saying, we have two radio shows this afternoon so check in to get cleaned up and you'll have to hurry because you people are expected at the studio in forty-five minutes. I'll get Carter, so you better hustle, time is precious."

"You can do this without Nick," Kevin replied in a firm voice.

"They are expecting five Backstreet Boys and five Backstreet Boys they will be getting. You now have forty-four minutes!"

"Nick.....Nick!"

Okay since when did Kevin start yelling during a radio show? I quickly cupped my hands over my ears. "God, do you have to yell? I heard you the first time!" Call me paranoid but I could swear that this was the second time since we sat down that Kevin gave me one of those funny looks.

"I wasn't yelling Nick," he replied in a voice I could barely hear.

"When is this gonna be over so I can go to sleep....I'm tired," I sighed, hoping someone would get the hint.

"You slept all the way over to hotel on the bus and then you cat napped coming to the radio station," AJ reminded me as he slipped on the headphones.

I directed a middle finger at Bone. "Funny...I don't remember doing that."

The radio DJ seemed amused with my gesture toward AJ. Kevin, however, wasn't. "Would you two just stop for twenty seconds?"

I think I pissed Kevin off during the whole radio show because everytime the DJ asked me a question, Kevin stepped on my question and answered for me. How the heck does he get off by doing stuff like that? Finally the last question was asked and there was no way I was going to let the old fart not let me speak!

"I'd like to thank all of you for taking time out of your busy schedules and meeting with me and our listeners this morning."

"You add a half a cup of bleach for a full load of whites," I said with a grin. Okay, judging by the looks on everyone's face, that wasn't what I thought I was gonna say.

"You'll have to excuse Kaos....he's a little----"

"Crazy!" AJ interrupted Howie with a toothy grin.

"He is definately the blonde of the group," Brian added.

Kevin didn't look very pleased with my comment. He gave me that constipated face as he took off his headset and then grabbed my arm pulling me close to his side as we walked out of the studio. "Nick are you feeling okay?"

I jerked my arm away from Kevin's grip. "I told you I was tired. Why is everyone picking on me? Can I go lay down now?"

"We can't just yet, we have to sign autographs out in front of the studio for two hours and then you can lay down."

Tears were starting to blur my vision. Two hours? I felt like crap and now I have to sit outside in the heat for two whole hours? "Can I just lay down under the table and go to sleep? Please?"

At first I thought Kevin was going to let me but when I saw Lou Pearlman walk over toward the canvassed area where fans had already lined up, I know the answer was going to be no.

"I'm sorry kid, but you know Lou isn't going to let us out of this one."

"Would it matter if I told you I've got the start of a migraine again?"

Right after the words left my mouth I instantly regretted them because Kevin's hand came toward my forehead, trying to determine if I was running a temp. I knew I didn't have a fever - I wouldn't have that kind of luck but I still dipped away from his touch. I guess it's an old habit or a game but as soon as I did that, I took a quick breath in when the movement made my head pound worse than what it had been.

"Take your seats boys, time is money," Pearlman smiled as he gestured to the five folding chairs situated behind a long table.

The first autograph I was suppose to sign didn't go exactly as I had planned. A young girl dressed in a Backstreet Boys t-shirt laid her CD case in front of me. "Hi Nick, my name is Amy and I'm a big fan of yours!"

"Hi Stacy."

"No, I said my name is Amy."

I could have sworn she said Stacy, I thought to myself as I shrugged my shoulders. "Sorry," I apologized as I tried to pick up the Sharpie marker that was placed in front of me. It took me three tries before the girl picked it up for me and then handed it to me.

"Here you go.....sometimes those things can be tricky."

I gratefully accepted the marker from her, managing a tight smile. God I wanted to be laying down instead of sitting here. "So is it Ann without---"

"It's AMY A-m-y."

This time I caught Brian's face out the corner of my eye. "I misunderstood her," I explained over the roar of fans.

"Like three times but who's counting."

Then it happened! Instead of my signature, there was nothing but five year old scribbling across the front of this poor girl's CD cover! "These pens aren't working right. I'm sorry about your CD. How about a picture instead of an autograph?"

When I stood up for a picture with the girl every pore in my body opened up and I'm sure I must have soaked her with my sweat but she apparently didn't seem to mind that. She just seemed happy that I gave her a picture to compensate for ruining her CD cover. My head hurt and my stomach felt worse than my head. "Sorry about your CD."

"It's okay Nick, I hope you feel better."

Wow! How the heck did that girl know I felt like crap? The next person in line didn't look like she was going to be as nice as the last one. Wait did I say one? I think there was two. I loooked past the two girls out to the sea of fans that were standing in line waiting for autographs. My stomach hurt not to mention how bad my head felt and I was expected to sit in the heat for two hours! My mouth was starting to water but it wasn't from hunger - more from the nausea that was making itself known in strong waves as the minutes ticked by. Suddenly I knew what was going to happen and my eyes scanned for anything nearby to stick my head into a wastebasket, a shrub or a bag! I spotted a paper bag but I had to get from point A to point B to barf. Instead of getting up from the table and making a quick run for safety, my feet got tangled into the legs of the chair and I found myself face down in the grass. To add insult to injury, instead of my brain connecting with my feet, I wound up on my hands and knees, puking my guts onto the ground in front of all of the fans!.

When I finished, I immediately broke down and cried. Who cared now? This was the worst day of my life!

Before I knew what was happening, Kevin and Howie had grabbed me and were carrying me back inside the radio station. Why the hell didn't thtey think of this brillant idea before I puked up in front of everyone out there? "How come we're back in here," I mumbled as I looked at my surroundings.

"I am starting to get worried by all of this," Howie said as he looked down at me and then at Kevin.

"This is the last time Pearlman controls us!" Kevin replied as he glanced at his watch.

"I hope I don't puke my guts out ever again too....but I doubt I can promise that," I sobbed. I felt so weird right now. It wasn't like I had the flu I just felt really weird.

"So what are you going to do," Howie asked.

Did they not hear me? Why are they ignoring me? "Guys.....hello? People up there.....Earth to Kevin......c'mon this is my job to space out not you guys.....why aren't they listening to me?"

"Look at him, he doesn't have a fever but he isn't making any sense, just mumbling and that has me really concerned," Kevin replied as he studied my face.

My eyes blurred with tears as I looked up at Kevin's face. I caused more problems for us once again by causing that scene in front of the fans and as always Kevin was going to pay the price for my mistakes again. "I'm sorry Kev," I sniffled.

"Easy there little man," Kevin said as he rubbed my shoulder. "Howie do you think you can get Lou to come in here and take a look at Nick? I think maybe it will get into his thick head if he sees how bad off this kid is."

"I'm sorry.." I whined. "My head hurts really bad Kevin."

"Sh-h-h, don't try to talk Nicky," Kevin said quietly as he watched Howie leave to go get our manager.

I tried to clear my throat. "My head hurts."

Instead of acknowledging my comment, I found Kevin rubbing my upper arm in a circular motion. I thought I told him clearly that my head hurt....

"Can I have some Tylenol?"

"Sh-h-h-h....just close your eyes Nicky."

It seemed as if I had only closed my eyes for a few moments but the next thing I knew, my stomach started to feel like it was going to do an encore performance and I was going to hurl. Must be that Kevin heard me gagging because he quickly shoved a waste basket next to the couch. I was so embarrassed to think I was going to throw up again, I closed my eyes tight, praying that I wasn't gonna over shoot the small container. After a few minutes of dry heaving, I opened my eyes.

"Are you feeling any better?"

I looked up to find that Kevin was knelt beside me, his face had that 'concerned fatherly look.'

Wow! I figured I would be left alone when I got ready to throw up again but for some reason Kevin stayed by side.

I did feel a little better but now I wanted to get that taste out of my mouth more than anything. Nodding my head, I managed to say "Thirsty." That put Kevin into sudden action. I'll have to admit, the bottled water that was offered seemed better than a boat ride on the ocean for me right about now.

"Easy there Nick, take it slow....you don't want to get sick again."

I shook my head in agreement and handed the bottle back. "Thanks."

"You're welcome."

"Kev?"

"Yes Nick."

"What did the fans do when I got sick? I mean, did they stay for autographs or...."

"S-h-h-h don't worry about that, Brian and AJ are taking care of that now try and get some rest, I'll try and get you back to the hotel as soon as I can."

I felt like I had just closed my eyes for a few minutes when the next thing I knew, I was staring up at Lou, Johnny, Kevin and Howie. I immediately thought I had done something wrong - I mean Lou never catches anyone of us laying down when we're suppose to be working and here I was laying flat on my back. Just as I started to make a move to sit up, I was immediately met with Kevin and Howie's hands pushing me back onto the couch.

"Stay down Nick," Howie said to me in a gentle, but firm voice.

Okay this had to be serious, Howie never sounds firm!

"I'm sorry I musta fell asleep, lemme go, I can go back to work now," I defended weakly.

"You bet you'll be going back to work! I can't believe how you let lazy Carter get away with this again!"

"Get away with what?"

"Kevin, Mr. Pearlman is right, I was being lazy and I tried to get out of work again," I said as I tried to get back up.

"No Nick! Lay back down! Lou how many times do you have to see that this kid is sick? He's been through the wringer and he is starting to pay for it with his health," Kevin said in my defense.

"Carter is nothing but a big baby! He couldn't even make it to the bathroom on time and puked in front of all those poor innocent fans!"

"It just hit me so quick I didn't have time to get to the bathroom, I'm sorry. I-I don't feel well but I think I can keep working though, I don't want to let the fans down."

"See! Carter knows what he has to do."

"No, it's more like Nick is scared to do anything without worrying about getting in trouble," Howie jumped in. "He's so scared of stepping out of your grip he works when he clearly shouldn't have been."

"Carter is a baby and makes a big deal about nothing!" Pearlman shouted.

I cupped my hands over my ears. "Please don't yell it makes my head hurt worse."

Kevin stepped in front of the manager, sticking his face inches away from his. "He's done Lou!"

"Phfish! There's nothing you can do to stop me Richardson."

Kevin had this weird look cross his face. I think I felt the hair on the back of my neck stand up. I seriously was getting scared!

"Wanna bet? I will go to the press and tell them how badly we've been treated by you andJohnny!"

"Like they would believe you."

"They may not believe about us being mistreated but they will about how badly Nick's been treated. We have proof with his little accident last week," Howie added.

I wasn't sure, but I think I saw Lou's face get as white as a sheet, which would be a miracle since that guy's face was always red and sweaty!

"Go back out there Richardson....Dorough, those fans have been standing out in the heat long enough and you must not keep them waiting. I'll take care of the boy," Pearlman said with a smile that didn't reach his eyes.

This had me really scared because from my past experiences alone with Lou none of them had been good ones.

"No, I'm staying here with Nick, you go call the airlines and book our flights for tonight and Howie will go finish the autograph session," Kevin said as he took a seat on the edge of my couch.

God Kevin is my all-time-personal hero! He must be able to read minds.

"Remember Lou, you don't do what I ask, all it takes is one phone call," Kevin reminded.

Wow! Kevin has balls! Although my head was pounding like someone was beating me it with a rock I was actually proud of the old man standing up to Lou.

Pealman left the lobby, mumbling something about how this was going to be a lot more expensive booking a flight to Florida at the last minute for the five of us plus the two managers. I could tell by the look that Kevin was giving that he could have cared less about how much money it cost. He seemed to be more concerned about me than about anyone or anything else. That made me feel pretty good in a way and pretty bad too, I guess. I didn't want to cause trouble.

"C'mon little man, lets get you cleaned up."

I jerked from my comfortable position on the bed....wait! When did I get into a bed?? "W-where are we?"

"Back at the hotel."

When did we get back to the hotel? I don't remember going back.....wow I must seriously be losing it! "How long have we been back?"

Okay....not one of the brightest questions to ask but at least it didn't sound obvious that I had no clue how I got back to the hotel.

Kevin glanced down at his watch. "Um...about three hours or so."

THREE HOURS?!? I've been sleep for three hours and no one has bugged me? This has got to be a miracle!

"How are you feeling?"

Like road kill....

"Good."

"Do you know where we are?"

Geeze here comes the twenty friggen questions about where we are now and what my name is....

"We're in a hotel, my name is Nick and I was born in 1980."

"Whoa..whoa...I didn't ask you all that....what city are we in?"

"How the heck am I suppose to remember that? We move all the time."

"Okay I guess you have one up on me and I'll cut you some slack since you answered the questions I would have asked you correctly."

Wow Kevy Kev can be pretty cool sometimes.

"I'll turn the water on...do you think you're able to get undressed or are you still feeling unsteady on your feet?"

Why the heck would I be unsteady on my feet, I wondered to myself as I stood up and immediately took two unintended steps sideways toward the dresser on the other side of the room.

"Ooops..."

Kevin immediately ran to catch me before I body slammed myself to the floor. Why the heck did that just happen??

"How about you sit here until I come and get you?"

"Do you know how gay this will look if you come and take me to the shower?"

"I'm not really concerned about that," Kevin said in his 'no-nonsense Kevin voice.' When he talked like that he meant business!

What did I do to deserve this anyway? First I puke my guts out at a stupid meet and greet and then the next thing I remember is waking up in bed.....there has to be more than this going on that Kevin wants me to take a shower with him....do we need to have a talk?

"Hey Kev.....I thought you were in love with Kristen."

Kevin paused at the bathroom door and turned to face me. "I am.....thats an odd question, where did that come from?"

"Ah...um, it's just that you want to take a shower with me...."

I could have sworn I saw all the freaky faces that guy could make but this was was really weird. He looked pissed but yet had this look like he was gonna bust out laughing at the same time.

"Nick...Nicky, I said I was gonna help you get into the shower, not shower with you!"

"My head hurts."

"Stay put, you'll feel better after a hot bath."

A hot bath? I musta freaked Kevin out with all the gay talk cause he switched from shower to a bath. "What happened to the shower?"

"You're not steady on your feet so I thought it would be best to sit in the bathtub."

After he said that all I could think was that I was going to fall asleep and sink beneath the water and drown...it seemed like he was in the bathroom for two minutes when he came back out to get me.

"C'mon Nick, up you go..."

He had a hand planted firmly underneath my arm like he was going to save me from falling off a cliff or something. As much as I hated having him guide me to the bathroom, a part of me was happy he did because my legs felt like rubber. I must really be sick!

Okay, once we made it into the bathroom, he had me sit on the closed toilet seat lid.

"Start stripping down."

I rolled my eyes after I looked up and saw Kevin literally staring down at me.

"I think I can do this without an audience," I protested.

For a moment I thought Kevin was gonna take the hint and give me some privacy.....

"Just stay sitting and slide your shirt off and then you can step out of your pants."

....or not!

"Why the heck do you insist that I take a bath in the middle of the day anyways?"

"Because you threw up on the front of your shirt and you've been all sweaty and gross."

Okay I guess my shirt felt a little crisp but I musta gotten used to the smell cause I didn't think I stunk that bad.

"How about I just change my shirt and run a wet wash cloth over my face?" I flashed my cheesiest Nick Carter grin his way to sway my opinion in his direction. No such luck!

"Nick.....just take your stuff off, the quicker you do this the sooner we'll be done."

"Can I at least have some privacy??"

"And fall off the toilet seat and crack your head wide open? I don't think so."

I smirked at the vision of cracking my head wide open....that is such a weird way of putting things. Do people honestly crack their head wide open and have their brians hang out? Would you look like a broken Pez dispenser or something?

"Nick.....Nick??"

Oops....I started spacing out again....I immediately pulled the stiff shirt over my head.

"Okay just step out of your pants and boxers," Kevin directed. "I'll hang onto your arm when you stand up."

This is sooooo weird. Bet the National Enquirer would love to get their hands on a picture of this since they love to call us the Backdoor Boys.

"Nick..."

Jeeze! I gotta stop thinking!! I get caught spacing out too much around Kevin.

"Sorry," I apologized quietly.

"Okay, get up slowly so you don't fall over," Kevin directed me. I got up slowly but once I was standing up, I wished I was sitting down. The room started spinning and I felt a little woozy. "Whoa Nick, sit back down."

"I'm fine," I argued.

"Just sit down."

"Lemme go I'm fine."

"You're not fine! You're gonna pass out!"

How the heck did Kevin know how I was feeling?? Before I realized it, the room started turning fuzzy - sorta like gazillon flies came into the bathroom and the last thing I heard was Kevin groaning as he struggled to keep me from falling.

I opened my eyes finding Kevin staring at me with a worried look on his face.....One of the first things I noticed was that I wasn't laying in bed - I was laying on the bathroom floor!

Crap! "W-what happened?"

"You fainted," Kevin said quietly as he stood up and grabbed a wash cloth off those metal holders above the toilet.

Okay....I fainted, no big deal, I'll just get up and everything will be cool....

"Don't get up Nick, lay still."

...or not.

"Honestly Kev, I feel fine....it was probably too hot in here. You know how it gets stuffy in tight places."

Instead of listening to me, he put a cold washcloth on my forehead.

"You know I can't take a bath like you insisted I take when you won't let me get up and you put a washcloth on my forehead."

"Hush...don't start getting smart with me, just lay still and be quiet."

"I wasn't getting smart with you," I argued, "I'm only stating the facts."

Kevin knelt beside me and flipped the washcloth over. "Do you remember how you felt before you fainted?"

Great....now he's going into his Dr. Richardson mode. I hate when he examines me! Before I could answer, someone was pounding on the door to our room. Thank God for whoever that was!

"Stay still, don't get up!" Kevin ordered as he got up and literally sprinted out of the bathroom.

Okay...this is really stupid having me lay on the fricken bathroom floor with a washcloth on my forehead like a wuss....I'll just get up and everything will be fine....

"Nickolas!

Busted!

Kevin almost always never calls me by my given name unless he's totally......

"I told you to stay put!"

....pissed!

AJ stood in the doorway, obviously wondering why I was laying on the bathroom floor.

"Hey Jay," I called out, praying that Kevin would forget that he was mad at me two seconds ago.

"You fainted again buddy?" AJ said in a concerned voice.

Why are they acting all concerned? I puked at a meet and greet and now I just fainted like two minutes ago. People do that stuff all the time...well not doing a meet and greet unless they're in a band or something....

"Nick, I asked you a question..."

Ooops....spaced out again, dammit. I seriously gotta stop thinking!

I moved the washcloth over my eyes, desperate to move away from the boring stares from Kevin. "What was the question again?"

Kevin pulled the cloth away from my eyes. "I asked if you were feeling better."

I thought for a moment, doing a mental inventory of my body.

"Other than feeling stupid laying on a cold bathroom floor and having AJ staring at me, I guess I feel fine."

LIAR...LIAR PANTS ON FIRE

I actually felt like total crap but I wasn't gonna say anything to Dr. Kevin! He would have an alert posted or something and have everyone hover over me! My head felt like a cement block and truth be told if I sat up right now I could bet that I couldn't hold it up straight. I honestly think I've gotten used to my vision being fuzzy on and off and my stomach feeling like it as going to spew at any moment but geesh...I had just fainted a little bit ago.

"Can I get up now and get cleaned up?"

"His eyes really look funny to me."

Great! When the hell did Brian come into the bathroom??

"Prolly cause I'm laying on the floor," I said through gritted teeth. This was starting to get annoying and embarrassing. "Can everbody leave the bathroom so I can get cleaned up?"

"Yeah you guys go wait out in the other room and watch tv," Kevin asked.

Thanks Kevin! Okay why isn't he leaving?

"Kev?"

"Yes Nick?"

"I think I can do this on my own you know."

"Absolutely not!"

"But AJ, Brian and I'm guessin Howie is out in the other room and they know you're in here with me...wouldn't this look a little funny?"

"We're all adults...." Kevin sighed loudly as he ran a hand through his hair. Okay judging by that move he was starting to get frustrated. I definately did not want to push the old man over the edge.

"Let me get up and lets get this overwith then...."

I guess that was the right thing to say to him because his body language instantly changed and he knelt on the tiled floor next to me.

"Start getting up slowly but let me know if you start to feel dizzy or faint," he said as he placed a hand tightly around my upper arm.

I was starting to feel a little dizzy but you know me, I wasn't gonna say a word!

"Are you doing alright?"

"We're only like two inches from where I was....yeah I'm okay."

Geesh...Kevin can be such a worrywart. After like two hours had passed - okay it was probably only two seconds but as slowly as Kevin made me sit up it seemed like two hours, I was sitting up on the floor. I noticed that my shirt was off and I don't remember when I did that but I wanted to die because everyone saw me laying on the floor with no shirt on. I hated my body, especially my stomach and now the guys saw me laying on the floor without my shirt on!!

"Nick?? Nickolas?"

Kevin's snapping fingers in front of my face shook me out of my trance.

"Sorry...I was just thinking."

"About what?"

"About how I was laying here half naked and everyone saw me without my shirt on," I confessed.

"So?"

Obviously Kevin didn't think it was a big deal but to me it is!

I shrugged my shoulders.

"You're bothered by them seeing you laying on the floor?"

God Kevin....you can be so clueless sometimes....I felt stupid by telling him what I did two seconds ago and I immediately regretted it.

"Just nevermind...its stupid."

Kevin seemed satisfied and decided to let the subject drop.

"Okay little man, lets get you standing up so you can step out of your pants and boxers."

I definately didn't want to strip down with Kevin holding onto me....how gay!

"Do you think the water is still hot?"

"I dunno," he replied as he let go of my arm.

This was my chance to strip down without him hanging onto me! Just as I attempted to step out of my jeans my body betrayed me and I crashed into the side of the wall. My balance totally sucked!

"HEY!" Kevin shouted as he reached out and grabbed my arm.

His shouting and the sound of me crashing into the side of the wall brought Howie, Brian and AJ into the bathroom. I seriously wanted to die on the spot!

"God guys...my foot got tangled in my jeans and I fell into the wall, don't make a federal case out of it," I growled. When the heck did my balance get this bad?? Kevin bought my excuse.

"Get out of here...I've got this handled."

Finally after the guys left and with Kevin's help I got my jeans and boxers off and got into the bathtub.

"Can I just do this alone now?" I asked him quietly.

"How about I close the shower curtain while you bathe?"

Right about now I felt like such a tool.

"Why can't I just take a bath alone?"

Kevin pulled the shower curtain closed and I could see his silhouette as he sat on the closed toilet seat. Nope...he wasn't gonna leave me alone.

After a few moments of sulking in the water a thought popped up.

"Hey Kev you know what would be cool?"

"No Nick, what?"

"This bath would have been more fun if we had put Mr. Bubble in the water. I like bubble baths!"

"Yeah it would have been cool but under the circumstances it wouldn't have been practical."

Kevin can be such a downer at times!

I had been hoping after I took my bath that Kevin would stop hanging all over me and give me some space. They were having a meeting together and I was the subject of the conversation.

"Pearlman finally got back about the flight home while you were in the bathroom with Nick," Howie began.

"You know how gay that sounds Howard?," I spat as I shook my head....mental note to self DO NOT SHAKE YOUR HEAD....MAKES HEAD HURT!

"Okay Lou called while Kevin was helping Nick with his bath," Howie corrected himself.

"It still sounds gay!" I protested his correction.

Kevin glared at me. "Nick drop it! Okay Howie, what were you saying again?"

"Lou called when you guys were busy and he said the first available flight home isn't until Wednesday."

"Wednesday! That's three days away!" Kevin grumbled.

AJ shook his head. "I bet that jackass probably didn't even try for the next flight out."

"Well what did you expect," Brian said with a sigh, "you know how cheap Lou is."

"So we don't go home until Wednesday...no big deal," I added as I laid down on the bed. I felt kinda woozy again but I wasn't gonna say anything to anyone!. There also wasn't anyway that I would tell them about the spots that sometimes popped up when I looked at something too long.

"It is a big deal Nick....you need to be seen by a doctor," Kevin said in his no-nonesense voice.

"For puking at a meet and greet! You've got to be kidding me."

"It's not the meet and greet Nick, there's a whole lot more thats going on," AJ said as he drew a cigarette out of his pack of smokes.

Brian wandered over toward me, "Don't you remember hitting your head?"

I thought for a second...as much of a clutz that I am I don't know which time they're talking about. "When?"

"In the bathroom at that concert, don't you remember?"

How the heck am I suppose to remember that concert when we've had pretty much a non-stop tour so far. "Yeah I remember but I'm fine now."

The way Kevin looked at me literally made the hair on the back of my neck stand up. He just stared at me, rubbing his chin with his finger and thumb. He had to have been plotting something! I was really feeling tired so I just closed my eyes praying that they would just go on with their conversation quietly and without me.

"Have you noticed how Nick's been walking weird?"

My eyes snapped open when I heard Howie's comment.

"I'm fine...."

"I guess I never really noticed that," AJ replied.

"Now that you mention it he was walking like he had been drinking," Brian added.

"Guys I said I'm fine," I pleaded. Why isn't anyone listening to me?

"Well since Lou is being an asshole I think I'll call the airlines to see if I can book an earlier flight out," Kevin said as pulled out the thick phone book.

"We can wait...whats another week?" I asked.

"Nicky we have a flight out in three days," Howie said.

"Yeah three days, thats what I just said."

"No you didn't you said another week," Brian sighed.

I looked over at Brian and I had to blink twice really hard to clear my vision. Why the heck were my eyes starting to betray me?

"How many fingers am I holding up?"

"Why are we playing charades?"

"Answer the question Nick," Kevin snapped.

"Four," I replied...at least I hoped to God there were four fingers because thats what it looked like to me.

"How many now?"

Again I had to blink a few times really hard. "One."

"Thats it, I'm calling the airlines," Kevin said as he opened the phone book.

No one told me if I got the finger question right but judging by the way the guys were acting I think I might be in trouble.!

One minute I was laying on the bathroom floor in a hotel room and the next minute I'm sitting on a plane heading for home. At least thats the way I remember it. My mind was becoming more and more like swiss cheese lately.

"How ya doin' Nicky?" Brian asked as he rubbed my shoulder.

"I'm seriously getting sick of people asking me that every two seconds!" I grumbled. Judging by the look on his face, I realized I must have hurt his feelings. "I'm sorry.....I'm fine I guess."

"You don't have to apologize to me buddy....we're just concerned about you."

I shrugged my shoulders to that statement. Why were they concerned about me?? I was okay.

This time it was Kevin that leaned over to stare at me.

"Nick, why don't you put your seat back and try to catch some sleep?"

"I'm not tired," I protested, crossing my arms over my chest.

"You look like shit Kaos, take a nap," AJ rasped from his seat across the aisle.

"Yeah Nicky...you'll feel better if you get some sleep...you were up most of the night last night," Howie added.

I dragged a hand over my face. I don't remember being up last night. Like I said earlier, I was laying on the floor in the hotel bathroom. That was the last thing I remember.

"Why are you guys sooooo concerned about me sleeping? I think I'm old enough to decide if I'm tired!"

"Because you've been through a lot over the past week," Brian said quietly.

"That is an understatement," Kevin added with a shake of his head. "You've put all of us through some weird hellto th."

"You guys are making a big deal about me puking at some meet and greet thingie.....I'm not tired and I'm fine."

Okay aside from the sound of the engines I could have sworn the airplane was dead silent when I made that comment. Howie, AJ, Kevin and Brian were looking at me with weird looks on their faces and I think AJ had his mouth open......I unbuckled my seat belt.

"I gotta use the restroom," I announced quietly as I started to stand up. "Is that okay with y'all?"

I barely had the last few words out of my mouth when Kevin stood up.

"I'll walk beside you Nick, your balance hasn't been the greatest."

"I think I can manage the few feet from my seat to the bathroom," I whined.

I didn't mean to whine but geesh, they seriously are starting to get on my nerves! After I took a few steps I suddenly realized why Kevin was getting all protective on my ass when I literally fell into the seat of a not-so-happy business man!

"I'm so sorry," I quickly apologized.

Thankfully Kevin was right beside me and grabbed my upper arm and helped me back to my feet.

"So sorry, sir," he added to the man as he helped me stand up.

There wasn't any turbulence on the plane....when did my balance start to suck? Once we reached the bathroom door, Kevin looked at me like I was going to leave on a long trip or something.

"You know those bathrooms aren't very big, just lean against the wall while you're going," he whispered the directions.

"I think I can handle taking a piss by myself," I hissed as I opened the door. "People are gonna think we're gay or something....please go sit back down."

I could tell that Kevin was feeling some sort of separation anxiety or something as I was closing the door. Seriously, that guy has some issues!

"How come you didn't stay with the kid?" AJ asked after he watched Kevin sit back in his seat.

Kevin shook his head as he muttered, "Something about not wanting to look gay."

"He's been so worried about being tagged with that lately," Brian grinned.

"I have no idea why he's been preoccupied with that lately," Howie added.

AJ laughed. "I think he overheard a fan one time about a rumor and Kaos took off on the thought."

Kevin glanced at his watch. "Well I don't know about all that but don't you think the kid has been in there longer than normal?"

"Maybe he's constipated," AJ wondered outloud.

"He said he had to take a piss."

"Well you know Carter, he gets embarassed about bodily functions anyway."

"Well we all can't be as open and free about some of the stuff you think is funny, AJ," the Latino said with a grimace.

With a grunt, Kevin got up from his seat. "I swear this kid is gonna make me turn gray." He stood outside of the closed bathroom door, knocking softly. "Nick.......Nicky?"

After a few moments of tense silence from the other side of the door, Kevin was finally rewarded with the blonde unlocking the door. A sweaty faced Nick Carter stared at Kevin with a glassy-eyed look in his eyes.

"Can't a guy take a piss in private?" I mumbled as I slowly walked past the older man.

Kevin was practically walking down my back and I seriously could feel him watching me as I held onto each seat. "A five minute one?"

"WHATS YOUR DEAL MAN?"

Kevin looked nervously around the plane after I confronted him.

"Calm down little man....nothing to get upset over, just take your seat."

A flight attendant hurried toward the seats where the we were at. "You need to calm down...you're upsetting the other passengers."

"I'm sorry, he's not feeling well," Kevin apologized.

"I think there is a doctor aboard this flight, would you like me to have him take a look at your friend?" the flight attendant offered.

"I'm fine!" I growled.

"I was going to say no but I'm beginning to think that it wouldn't hurt to have someone take a look at him," Kevin agreed.

"This is stupid," I grumbled. "Why are you bothering someone? Whats the point?"

"Because maybe you need to have someone give you something to put your ass to sleep," AJ said in a harsh whisper.

"I told you people I wasn't tired."

Before I could finish my arguement, a man probably the same age as Kevin with a small black medicine bag came up to our seats.

"I'm Dr. Neil Johnson, the flight attendant asked me to take a look at you," he said as he crouched in the aisle next to the row.

Kevin was quick to offer his hand. "I'm Kevin Richardson...its Nick that is having some problems."

I shot Kevin the dirtiest look I could manage. I seriously wanted to kill him. I hate doctors and hospitals but now he has a doctor looking at me with twenty billion people staring at me while he did it?? What the hell is he thinking?

"What seems to be the problem?"

The doctor had neat looking eyes....I know its a guy and I'm seriously not that way but you know what I mean? It was like a pale blue in the center and darker blue on the outer edges.

"About a week ago he got knocked when he was rushed by some fans..."

Okay this is the first time I've heard about this.

"When did this happen?" I interrupted.

"He hasn't been the same since---"

"Kevin what are you talking about?"

"Did he lose consciousness?"

"I didn't lose anything because Kevin is making this up so you give me something to go to sleep!"

Why was everyone against me? I can't believe that he is making stuff up.....Lou is mad at me because he made things up I'll bet and this is probably why we were flying home and none of management was on the plane with us. I am gonna be in trouble when I get home, my dad will be pissed not to mention my mom!

"Wasn't he seen by a doctor after this happened?"

"He was seen by a registered nurse and she diagnosed Nick with a concussion..."

Okay looking at Kevin's face while he said this to the doctor he seriously looked embarrassed and like he was gonna cry!?! Kevin Richardson never cries....well at least in front of me he didn't!

"So he was never seen by a doctor?"

"We had strict management and we didn't have any other choice so basically I booked the flight home so that Nick could be seen by his family doctor in the states. If it was up to our manager we would still be working and wouldn't be going home until later on this week."

By the look on that doctor's face he was really mad.

What the heck?!

"I'm not going to do a full eval on this young man but you realize you've put him at a serious risk for injuries by failing to have him seen by a physician."

"I'm fine.....you can go sit back down."

I think Kevin was going to have a stroke when I said that. He got really red in the face and that one vein popped out on the side of his forehead.

"What is his name?"

Helllloooo I'm like sitting in front of you!

"My name is Nick." I flashed a grin for good measure. He didn't seem to be swayed by that though...

"Okay Nick, what's the last thing you remember?"

"Before getting on the plane?"

"Yes, before getting on the plane."

"I was laying on the bathroom floor in the hotel."

That was a pretty easy answer....

"Laying on the bathroom floor?"

....or not.

"Yeah I was going to take a bath and I think I passed out?" I looked at Kevin for confirmation.

"He was getting cleaned up from when he had thrown up at an autograph signing."

"You mean to tell me that you had this poor boy working even though he had a concussion?"

Kevin pinched the bridge of his nose.....great he was getting pissed with the doctor!

"It wasn't my idea, we're under contracts with some strict managers and this will be something that I will be adressing once we're back in the states. Please just take a look at Nick."

"Alright Nick. Do you know what year this is?"

Was this guy for real?

"It's 1996."

Ooookay looks like I didn't answer that question right.

"Right?"

"Its 1997.....but thats okay," the doctor replied with a sigh. "Has he had other symptoms?"

"His balance is for crap right now," AJ filled in.

I seriously wanted to kick his boney ass right now! This doctor is gonna think I'm screwed up or something.

"I accidently fell into some guy's lap on my way to the bathroom a few minutes ago....no big deal."

"Vomiting, balance issues, double vision, memory loss and we're not sure what else Nick is keeping from us."

"Anything you want to add to the list Nick?"

I just shook my head. I had no idea whats going on so what could I say?

It was after I shook my head I saw the doctor pull out a syringe and a small bottle of medicine! Crap! I fricken hate needles! Next thing I knew I was feeling all floaty and sleepy.......

I think I'm in hell......

You know how you feel all sleepy and floaty and high? Like you wanna go to sleep but you can't go to sleep?? That was how I was feeling right now.....all sleepy and floaty and high!

I seriously think I'm in hell....

Kevin had his face about two inches from mine and I could smell garlic. "Nicky? Are you alright?"

What the heck!

"Of course I'm alright!" I mumbled with a small grin added for emphasis.

"I wasn't expecting the patient to respond like this," the doctor muttered with a shake of his head.

"What were you expecting?" AJ demanded.

Great! Now we've got AJ getting involved! This seriously wasn't gonna be good!

"AJ.....keep it down!" Kevin whispered harshly.

I waivered my hand at Bone.

"He's just jealous cause I'm high and he ain't," I giggled.

Kevin turned his attention from AJ toward me. "Nick! Shush!"

Great! Now the old man is pissed at me.

"What did I do wrong? I just said that Bone is pissed cause he ain't high."

Brian started patting my shoulder. "Nick how about you close your eyes and get some rest."

"I want to know why this doctor is confused at how Nicky reacted to the drug he gave him. Seriously, what kind of a doctor are you man?" AJ muttered.

The doctor puffed out his chest after he stood up. "I'm a medical doctor!"

"Could of fooled me," AJ replied.

"You need to take your friend to his doctor as soon as the plane lands..."

"So thats it? You give Nick some drug and he doesn't react to it the way you planned and you're going to bail on him?" Howie questioned the doctor.

Ya know, even though we tease Howie about bringing his medicine cabinet with him on every tour, I think Howie secretly wanted to be a doctor instead of a singer. I swear that guy has more common sense about medical things than even Kevin Richardson.....God I hope I didn't say that outloud.....I looked over at Kevin and he was standing, staring at the doctor....

Nope, didn't say it outloud....

"I love you Howie!"

Ooops, I definately said that outloud!

"And D loves you too Nick, close your eyes and try to rest," Brian said to me with that concerned voice he has when he sounds like he wants to cry.

You know how I mentioned how sleepy and floaty I was feeling? Now I felt all itchy.....what the hell!

"Nick?"

"I'm fine."

"I didn't ask if you were fine yet," Brian replied. "Guys!"

"What the hell did you give the kid?" Kevin demanded.

"He's having an allergic reaction," Howie called out to the doctor who was already heading back to his seat.

"I said I'm fine...." I said as I scratched my neck...then my arm....then my legs.....

Dr. Johnson pulled out a vial of some type of medication and a new syringe.

Kevin put a hand on the doctor's arm. "Wait...what are you planning on giving Nick now?"

"Hydrochloride."

"And that would be what?" AJ rasped at the doctor.

God I love it when Bone gets involved! For a small guy he can be pretty intimidating!

"Liquid antihistimine....now if you'll let me tend to the patient, I can relieve his discomfort before his throat closes."

My eyes must have bugged out like those cartoons characters because I could have just sworn he said my throat was going to close!

Before anyone or even me could protest, the doc quickly swabbed my upper arm with rubbing alcohol and plunged the needle into my skin. God, that hurt like a bitch! My vision blurred as the tears sprung to my eyes but I sure as hell wasn't gonna cry!

"You know you wouldn't have had to give Nick that if you knew what the fuck you were doing," AJ mumbled.

"Let's not piss the doctor off," Howie quietly reminded AJ.

After giving me the shot, the doctor stared at me for a few moments, holding my wrist and then looking at his watch. I tried my best to watch him watch me but my eyes were having a hard time staying open. Remember how I said I was sleepy but I couldn't go to sleep?

Scratch that thought.

"What the fuck just happened?" AJ asked with a shake of his head.

"I have no idea but I think that doctor had no clue what he was doing," Howie answered as he looked to where the doctor was seated on the plane.

Kevin raked a hand through his hair in a defeated gesture.

"Don't beat yourself up over it Kev, you did what you thought was right," Brian said.

Kevin sighed. "This is has been one hell of a bad tour for the poor kid from one minute to the next."

"Well most of the stuff that happened to Kaos has been his own fault," AJ added.

Kevin stared at the tattooed rebel. "How do you figure?"

"Well... you know, when he gave himself a black eye from his backpack....when he went to the bathroom without anyone from security going with him to make sure he wouldn't get mobbed....stuff like that."

Kevin shook his head negatively as he thought. "Well Nick doesn't use good judgement in some instances but this doctor thing was my fault."

"No it wasn't Kevin, we all would have thought this was a good idea, how were we to know that this guy had no clue what he was doing?" Howie replied.

"Howie's right......Kaos just has bad luck," AJ agreed.

Brian looked over at the sleeping teen. "Bad luck is an understatement. I mean if it were any one of us, we probably wouldn't have had an allergic reaction to the medication that doctor was giving. Nick just had his share of bad luck to last for the rest of the year."

"As long as he's comfortable right now, I guess I should be happy," Kevin replied with a sigh.

"So why don't you look happy?" Howie and Brian asked at the same time.

"Are you worried about meeting the attorneys?" AJ questioned.

"Bigger things," Kevin replied.

"As in?"

Kevin glanced over at Nick. "Bob and Jane Carter."

"Nick....Nick??"

I kept my eyes closed, ignoring Brian's pokes on my arm.

"Nicky what's wrong?"

"Nothing."

Why was I dizzy? What the heck is wrong with me? Why can't I tell him?

"C'mon I can tell something is wrong....."

"It's nothing," I mumbled. There was no way in hell I really wasn't sure what was happening. I felt sick to my stomach and I was pretty sure I wasn't going to admit that something was wrong! Not after what happened to me with that doctor. I just wanted this trip to be over.

"Nick, I can't help you if you don't tell me what the problem is."

I shook my head.

"I'll be fine...."

"If you're fine then why do you have your eyes closed?"

"Because I'm sleeping."

"Nick, you can't be sleeping, you're talking to us."

Okay now Kevin? Do these cousins work in a team? I swear it must be something in their genes!

"Your knuckles are as white as a sheet. Something's bugging you.....you're worrying me now."

"Brian I said I was fine, stop overreacting!"

After a few minutes I figured Brian and Kevin were going to leave me alone until someone suddenly literally pounded me in the upper arm. My eyes snapped open and AJ's face was spinning in front of me. I quickly closed my eyes as I yelled at the top of my lungs, "OUCH! What the fuck did you do that for?!"

"You guys baby the kid way too much," AJ rasped. "Okay you opened your eyes....."

"Because you attacked me!" I panted in pain. It hurt so bad I seriously wanted to cry.

"I didn't attack you," he said in a defensive tone.

"Yes you did..you punched my arm."

"Only cause you weren't opening your eyes and we were all getting worried."

"That's a nice way to show you care," I snapped as I rubbed my upper arm.

"Yeah Bone, that really wasn't necessary," Howie said.

"So what's wrong Nicky?"

"Bri....I told you I'm fine."

"Then why don't you open your eyes so I can look at you?"

Man....I swear Brian can be persistent!

"Because I DO NOT want to open my eyes, okay? The light kinda makes them hurt."

"Seriously?"

I groaned.....with Kevin getting into the picture I knew that no one was going to leave me alone. I wanted to tell them what was wrong but to be honest, I think I was going to start to cry and that would be pretty embarrassing on the plane in front of total strangers.

"Yes Kevin, they hurt....prolly cause I haven't been to sleep because you guys keep bugging me."

"You were sleeping and the only reason why Brian woke you up was because you were whining in your sleep like you were hurting," Kevin replied.

"I don't whine in my sleep..."

"You do lots of things in your sleep kiddo," AJ rasped.

I knew if I opened my eyes to look at AJ I would see that stupid smirk on his face because God only knows what he was thinking.

"You fart all night long..."

There it was! I just knew he was going to lead up to that!

"Leave me alone," I begged. I wanted to sound all mad and stuff but my voice came out in a whimper.

"Nicky, open your eyes so I can look at them," Kevin said.

I knew the old man wasn't going to fool around anymore by the way he just said that. I opened them only to see two Kevins floating around in front of my face......Holy crap! I closed my eyes as quickly as I opened them.

"What's wrong?"

This time I finally allowed myself to cry. I will admit I was getting pretty scared about now. I wanted to be off this plane and laying in bed....sleep had to be what I need, right?

"I'm dizzy and I saw two of Kevin."

"Do you feel sick to your stomach?" Howie asked in a quiet voice.

"Yeah kinda," I admitted. "But I hate airplanes so that's probably why."

I heard Kevin sigh and although I had my eyes closed I just knew he was running a hand through his hair while he was thinking. I feel sorry for the guy since I know he takes everything personally.

"Miss, how long until we land?"

"We will be announcing that in a few minutes...we are due into Miami in less than forty-five minutes."

"Miami? I thought we were going home!" I squeaked....God I hate when my voice does that, it makes me sound like such a baby.

"This is a scheduled stop.....is he feeling better?"

"He's not doing very well," Kevin told the flight attendant.

"Would you like me to get the doctor?"

NOOOOOOOO not that guy again!

"He'll be okay....we'll be having him seen by a physician in Tampa."

Thank you Kevin!

"I think we'll need a wheel chair for him when we land though."

My eyes quickly flew open which I instantly regretted when the room started spinning.A wheelchair?!?

"I'm okay I can walk."

"We will need a wheel chair, there is no way Nick can walk off this plane."

"Kevin I said I can walk....I'm not a baby."

"Nick, you can't even keep your eyes open. It's pretty hard to walk with your eyes closed."

"Blind people do it all the time," I protested.

"Kaos, quit being so damned stubborn," AJ muttered. "You aren't blind."

"You'll get hurt if you try to walk," Brian added.

"Just try to rest," Howie said in that soft, soothing voice he had.

I started to cry. I didn't care anymore who saw me...this sucked!

The plane finally landed on American soil. I thought I would be happy but to be quite honest, the commotion that Kevin had created over my sudden need to keep my eyes closed caused more attention than I had yet to experience singing infront of a sold out stadium!

"Nicky, sit tight until I tell you when to get up," Kevin breathed into my ear.

"I told you I can walk....I just need some help is all," I protested through gritted teeth.

God, why did the old man have to treat me like I was a baby sometimes?

"We're not going to go over this again."

Judging by the angry tone in Kevin's voice I was not to question him anymore over the subject.

"Sir...would you like help assisting your friend into the wheel chair?"

That woman's voice sounded really pretty. As soon as I opened my eyes to look at her, I had to close them again. Why the heck am I still so dizzy?

"Still feeling dizzy Nick?"

I nodded yes ever-so-slightly to Brian. I didn't dare want to make the dizziness even worse if that were possible.

"Just relax, we'll be getting you off this plane in a few minutes," Brian replied in a soft voice.

I could hear the sound of the wheel chair being brought down the aisle toward where I was sitting. This was beyond embarrassing! I felt like such a big baby. Why couldn't I have lied and not told them I was dizzy? I could have faked it.....after all I was an actor before I ever became a singer....that part I had in Edward Scissorhands? Classic acting....sure I was only sliding on a slip n'slide and the stupid editors cut that scene but then I was playing on the swing set...now that was acting...I had to act happy even though I really wanted to go have ice cream at the time like I had been promised by my mom after I was done with my scene instead of being near that booger eating moron that was on the swings....

"Nick?"

Oops! Zoned out......

"Huh?"

"I need you to get up slowly and I'll guide you into the wheel chair," Kevin said as he placed a firm grip on my upper arm.

Why did he have to announce to me that I was getting into a wheel chair? Couldn't he say that he was going to be helping me into my new seat? I'd prefer to hear that instead of hearing the word wheel chair.

"Nick, did you hear what I said?"

...and I zoned out again!

"Yeah I heard you! I'm just a little dizzy....not deaf!"

"Shh....don't bite my head off," Kevin reprimanded.

"Well it's just getting a little old when you keep repeating yourself," I defended.

"When you zone out we're not sure if you heard us," AJ rasped from across the aisle.

"We'll be waiting for you in the lobby," Kevin informed the others as he helped me sit.

"Can't they go with us?" I whined.

"No Nick, they wait their turn to get off the plane," the old man informed me in his 'Authorative Kevin Richardson' voice.

He sucked.

"Let's just hope no one notices us," he muttered.

Like no one is going to notice an eight foot tall guy pushing a seventeen year old in a wheel chair that has no obvious handicaps? R-i-i-i-ght!...and the Easter Bunny hops through all the backyards on Easter Sunday hiding those foil wrapped eggs in houses all over the world.

"How are you doing?"

"Could you just walk a little slower? Even though I have my eyes closed you're making it worse by how fast you're pushing this thing," I mumbled.

'You can tell I'm walking fast?"

"The wind still whooshes in my ears."

Is whoosh really a word?

Kevin slowed his steps. "Sorry little man, I'll walk a little slower."

Okay I kinda regretted making that complaint because all I could think of now was a long assed line of people behind Kevin as we walked down the hall from the plane to the lobby.

"I don't want to hold people up....just go ahead and walk like you were."

"There's no one behind us."

Great...now we are going to look really stupid. There will be people waiting in the lobby for family members and Kev will be the first face they see pushing me! This will look gay! To make things worse - I started feeling sick to my stomach.

"Um Kev?"

No answer.....did I lose him...

"Kevin?"

"We're almost in the lobby and I can stop the wheel chair Nick."

"I think I'm gonna be sick.....are we near a bathroom?"

"What do you mean sick?"

How many ways can you define sick?

"Like get me to the bathroom or I'm gonna throw up on the floor? Does that make it any clearer to you?"

Scratch my first complaint of Kevin pushing the wheel chair too fast....I could swear I just got whiplash when he stepped his speed up.

"Where the hell are they? Kevin said he'd be waiting in the lobby for us when we got off the plane," AJ muttered as he looked over the lobby for signs of Nick and Kevin.

Brian stepped up on his toes to try and get a better vantage point. "I don't see them either."

"Maybe he said he'd wait for us in the lobby of our connecting flight," AJ decided as he started to head off toward the the new lobby. He was stopped by Howie's hand on his arm.

"Sit tight....Kevin said to wait."

AJ jerked his arm out of Howie's grasp. "He said he'd be waiting in the lobby for us....he ain't in this lobby so you know it's in the connecting flight lobby dumbass."

"If we leave we'll miss them," Brian said with a shake of his head.

"They are flying on the same plane, bonehead. How would we miss them?"

AJ folded his arms across his chest. "I still think he said we were to meet them in the connecting flight lobby."

"You didn't hear that because I heard exactly what Kevin said and he said to stay put when we get off the plane! Now stay put!" the Latino said in as harsh of a voice he could muster.

"There they are!" Brian said as he pointed in the direction of the restrooms.

"Kaos doesn't look so good," AJ commented.

"That kid is as white as a sheet," Howie said as he started toward the older Kentuckian.

"D....Kevin said to stay put!" AJ said in a mocking voice. "Besides...he wants us to come to him, dumbass."

Dogding the other pedestrians, the trio made their way across the crowded lobby toward the restrooms where Kevin and Nick waited.

"Nick doesn't look so great," Brian said.

"Nicky isn't doing well," Kevin replied. "He just got sick....I've decided we're not getting on the next flight. He needs to be taken to the hospital and taken care of."

I kept my head down as I listened to Kevin speak to the others. Normally I would have protested the thought of going to the hospital but as horrible as I was feeling, a hospital didn't sound like such a bad idea after all.

"Maybe he should go by ambulance."

Dizzy or not, I opened my eyes and looked up at Howie.

"No! No ambulance!" I closed my eyes for a moment and then opened them again. "Just take me....please don't leave me."

Kevin squatted down beside the chair. "Are you feeling better?"

Normally I would lie but I felt like crap...the worst I've ever felt in my life that I remember.

"No...just don't leave me."

The old man patted me on the leg. "Nicky we won't leave you."

"But you wanted an ambulance and no one would be with me if you did that. Just take me to the hospital....please?"

Kevin sighed. "Okay...okay....we'll call a cab and go with you."

I know that Kevin felt bad about siding with me but it made me feel a little better knowing they weren't going to stick me in a creepy ambulance and having people poke me with needles! Something about being stuck with needles bugs me but not as much as the thought of being stuck with needles while driving 90 miles an hour down a road just didn't seem right.

"Thanks."

With that decided, I closed my eyes. I was dizzy the entire time I was pleading my case but I had to state my case and I couldn't do that with my eyes closed. As long as I don't throw up again, I should be okay.

"Kevin....could you walk a little slower?"

Hopefully I'll be okay.

"Nick....are you going to get sick again? He really doesn't look the greatest Kevin...he has sweat pouring down his face," Brian observed.

Actually what I wanted to do was lay my head down and go to sleep. I kept my eyes closed, not daring to open them. Besides my eyes betraying me making me go dizzy every time I opened them, my hands felt like they were falling asleep.

"I-I'm fine.....j-just feel weird," I stuttered.

"That made no sense at all. What did you say Nick? I couldn't understand you," Kevin said as he knelt beside me.

Clearing my throat, I repeated my sentence, this time without stuttering.

"Weird as in how?"

Before I could get the words out that I felt faint, Kevin had his hand pushing my head down toward my knees.

"Someone go get Nick a bottle of water," he demanded.

I seriously wanted to cry. Why was this happening to me?

"Any better?"

"Here Nicky, drink this slowly."

I looked up, finding AJ holding a bottle of water. Although I wanted to get a drink, my arm did exactly the opposite of what I had intended when it just stayed in my lap.

"Let me help," he offered as he put the water next to my mouth. "Drink slowly."

"I still don't like the way he looks," Brian said as he squatted down beside Kevin.

Howie stood behind Kevin and Brian. "I've never seen that boy sweat that much before in my life....and his lips have absolutely no color!"

"I feel like I'm gonna puke."

As much as I knew Kevin hated that word, that was the best way to put it to get someone's attention....except no one must of heard it because they were too busy staring at me. Did my lips not move?

"Okay Nick, how about we get that taxi and take you to get checked out?"

I tried to shake my head no but for some reason it wasn't working out like I had planned.....just like when my arm didn't go up to grab the bottle of water. Maybe I just needed to concentrate harder. Try harder Nick...

"I'm glad you went over Lou's head and booked a flight home without him and Johnny. We would have been trapped over there for at least another week," Howie said as Kevin unlocked the wheels to the wheel chair, obviously not realizing that I was trying to get someone's attention down here.

Try moving your arm... Okay, that still wasn't working....what could I do to get someone's attention? They aren't looking at me and God knows I've already tried to get their attention by talking.....I did the next best thing that I figured I could do......

SPIT

"Jesus, Carter that was gross!"

Poor Howie, I always had pretty good aim but unfortunately for him he was standing in front of the line of fire.

Howie turned around in a complete circle when he noticed AJ pointing at him.

"What?? What happened?" he demanded as he kept turning around trying to look

"Nick spit on your back...."

Then the light bulb popped on over AJ's head when he looked down at me. Judging by the look of horror on his face, I probably wasn't smiling.

The wheelchair came to an abrupt stop and I started to fall out before Brian grabbed my shoulder.

"Whoa...easy there buddy."

Once we had stopped in the middle of the hall, Kevin squatted down in front of me.

"Shit," he cursed as he looked at me.

Okay not the best comment I've heard when someone has looked at my face. What the hell is going on??

"Fuck you," I growled. "What did I ever do to you? Lemme go.....why the fuck am I in this fucking chair and why are you here?"

"Nicky stay put," Brian said when he came into my view.

"I'll get up when I want to....you're not the boss of me!"

"Oh dear sweet Jesus," Howie breathed, "his speech...."

What the hell is he talking about? Fuck him!

"Fuck y'all!"

"Where the hell do I get someone to get help?" AJ shouted as he stood in front of me, spinning around.

I wanted to get up and out of the wheelchair they had me confined to but for some reason, my legs weren't allowing me to. They felt heavy and weak.

"Why can't you help me? I just want to go home!"

Instead of help all I got back was someone rubbing my shoulder and Kevin still stayed squatted in front of me, running a hand through his hair as he mumbled a string of cuss words.

"Sorry Nick," Kevin breathed as he quickly stood up.

The last thing Kevin promised me was that he wasn't going to leave me alone! I tried to protest but no one was listening to me and this guy that was riding in the back of the ambulance with me wasn't paying the least bit attention to anything I said to him. He kept giving me a stupid goofy look and would look back down at his clipboard like that was more interesting that staring down at me like a dumbass. I finally had enough and I started bawling my eyes.

Who cares? Evidently not that guy that was sitting in the back of this stupid ambulance! I couldn't wipe my eyes - I couldn't lift either one of my hands. Not that they were strapped down....I just plain couldn't lift either one of my arms!

I was scared. Period.

"Okay Mr. Carter, I'm going to put something in your IV Dr. Blake has ordered," the paramedic said to me as he drew up some medicine into a syringe before pushing into the IV line.

"Who is Dr. Blake?" I asked.

"I'm sorry about that. I forgot to warn you that it may sting when the med goes into the vein."

God! This was getting scary. First the guys don't understand what I'm saying and this guy sure as hell wasn't getting what I was trying to ask him.

"Your friend Kevin said he was going to be following the ambulance with the others in a taxi."

Why is he even talking to me??

"We'll be at the hospital soon......hey Nate what's our E.T.A?"

"Three minutes."

Remember how I said that guy would staring down at me with a goofy look on his face? He finally had a different look cross over his face. It was more of a type of look that a mother would give her child. I know that probably sounds gay since we're both guys but he actually had a concerned look on his face. I don't know if that should make me feel better but it sure as hell scared me more than anything. Then he rubbed my shoulder.

"Hang in there Nick.....we're almost there."

'This has to be the worst day of my life,' Kevin thought to himself as he sat in the small office, waiting for the doctor that was caring for his bandbrother. He had called Bob and Jane Carter telling them only that Nick couldn't wait to be seen by his doctor in Tampa and that they had rushed him to University of Miami hospital as soon as the plane had landed. Kevin knew that this wasn't telling the Carter's the whole story, but at least it bought him some time until Nick had at least been checked over. In his opinion, this was an appropriate answer until he knew the whole picture.

Decided that sitting on an airplane for the last twelve hours was causing his legs to cramp, Kevin got up to stretch his legs and look at the diplomas that were displayed on a wall above a long leather couch. Just as he leaned closer to read, the door swung open and a short, gray haired man dressed in dark green sugical scrubs entered the room.

"Hello, I'm Dr. Simon," the man said as he offered his hand out.

Kevin reciprocated the doctor's action. "Kevin Richardson."

"Please, have a seat," Dr. Simon said, gesturing toward the set of seats in front of the large, paper cluttered desk. "Are you a relative of Mr. Carter?"

Kevin shrugged his shoulders. "Kinda sorta. We work together and for all intensive purposes, I'm considered to be his older brother and guardian." He paused for a moment before adding, "We sing in a band together."

"I see...."

"The manager is suppose to be the guardian when we are away from Florida and we were overseas touring Europe and the manager wasn't taking the proper care of Nick," Kevin jumped in when he could see that the doctor was starting to become hesitant in disclosing Nick's health information. "Please, you have to tell me what's wrong with my baby brother!"

Either it was Kevin's tone or the expression in the young man's eyes, but Dr. Simon felt he could trust the man that was seated across the desk.

"I'll be blunt with you Mr. Richardson," the older man started. "We have one very lucky young man. It is fortunate for you that you realized the seriousness of Nick's condition. According to the CAT scan that was done after he was admitted to the ED, it appears that he has suffered a small bleed on the brain."

Kevin paled when he heard the doctor's remark.

"Did he receive a sharp blow to the head?"

"I-I told the nurse that he had gotten hurt in Spain when he was rushed by a group of fans."

"Did he get seen by a physican in Spain? I'd like to see the medical records from that---"

"He wasn't seen.......at least by a doctor," Kevin interrupted. "The manager insisted he'd be okay and that we didn't have time to waste and to just keep an eye on him. He was looked over by a nurse at the venue."

Dr. Simon glared at Kevin. "Was he unconscious?"

Kevin took a shaky breath in as he raked a hand through his hair.

"I....I think he had been....he was awake when I saw him.....I..."

"Was he unconscious at any point and time after that injury?"

Kevin swallowed hard before answering. "He has fainted a few times since that time. He started to feel faint in the airport..."

The doctor picked up the phone in his office and at that point, Kevin felt that he had let Nick down. He had always felt that the weight of his younger bandbrother's was on his shoulders. The responsibility he felt for them was unmeasureable.

"Dr. Simon here....I want a MRI of the brain with contrast on patient Carter STAT."

Kevin watched as the doctor leaned back in the leather desk chair, rubbing his right eye as he sighed. After a few moments of silence, Kevin decided to broach the silence.

"Will he be okay?" Kevin knew that this was a stupid question; he had been told that Nick had a bleed on the brain which meant that he had gotten a stroke at some point and time. "I...I mean there won't be any long term damage?"

Instead of immediately answering, the doctor sighed and turned his chair toward the window. It wasn't until he started to turn the chair back, did the older man speak. "I won't be certain until I have a look at the results of the MRI."

Kevin walked numbly back to the private waiting room where Brian, Howie and AJ were waiting. He kept his composure as he walked from the doctor's office, keeping his eyes trained to the floor. The normally unflappable Kevin Richardson didn't cry until he walked into the waiting room. When his eyes met his cousin Brian's eyes, he finally let go.

"Jesus," AJ breathed when he saw the tears stream down the tall man's face.

Howie leaned foward in his seat and cradled his head in his hands as Brian moved to his cousin and placed a comforting arm around his shoulders.

The four men sat in silence for a few minutes. Three of them waiting for Kevin to collect his emotions. AJ and Howie had never seen Kevin upset and this had them worried.

Brian had seen Kevin cry before and that was when his uncle was dying. 'But that was different.....his Uncle Jerald was dying from colon cancer', Brian mentally thought as he rubbed small circles in his cousin's back while Kevin sniffled and wiped the tears from his cheeks occasionally.

"I can't take the silence anymore," AJ sputtered. "What the hell did the doc tell you?"

Brian shot a disapproving look toward the rebel.

AJ chose to ignore the visual threat. "Seriously.....what did he say about Nicky?"

Kevin wiped the tears from his cheeks as he looked up and over at AJ and Howie. He took a deep shaky breath in before he spoke.

"He said that Nick had bleeding on a part of his brain."

"Shit," AJ cursed.

"How bad?" Howie asked.

"Bad enough that he ordered a MRI of the brain after he asked if Nick was unconscious at anytime," Kevin replied and then took a deep breath in and balled his fists and started to pound his thighs. "Shit......shit....shit....SHIT!"

"He'll be fine," Brian encouraged in a soft voice.

Kevin shook his head, ignoring his cousin. "This is all my fault!"

"How can Nick getting hurt be your fault?" Howie challenged.

Kevin stood up and wandered toward the windows. "Because I'm the one that should have been protecting him....I should have stopped him before this happened.....I should have taken him to the hospital back when this happened instead of listening to Lou..."

"Kev, it wasn't your fault, quit blaming yourself," Howie said. "None of us knew that this was going to happen."

"But it happened and I didn't take him to the hospital when he should have went. This could have been taken care of days ago," Kevin cried.

"Let's wait until we find out what the doctor says about the MRI before jumping to conclusions," Brian said. "I mean there has to be a reason why he ordered this."

Kevin raked a hand through his hair. "He told me that he wanted to see how much of the brain was involved and I guess he could tell how bad it is damaged."

"I don't get it....." AJ rasped. "I mean Nicky was okay. I mean he said he was fine."

"You're talking about Nick...he wasn't going to admit to anyone when things were bad and you know it," Brian said.

"Let's just wait and see what the doctor finds out before jumping the gun on how bad things are," Howie added. "Just wait and pray."

After a few hours had passed with Dr. Simon telling him that his baby brother had suffered a stroke, Kevin once again found himself waiting for the doctor. Instead of meeting with the doctor alone to find out the results of Nick's MRI, Kevin decided it would be better to face the results with the rest of the guys. They were all anxious to find out news - good or bad on Nick's condition.

After Kevin had told the guys about Nick, no one really said anything....but then again, that was the way they had always handled things in the past. AJ was the worst; excusing himself periodically to go out for a cigarette or to make a phone call.

"Mr. Richardson?"

Kevin jerked at the sound of his name being called. He looked up at the door, finding Dr. Simon standing with a metal chart in his hands.

"Would you follow me please? I'd like to discuss the results of Nick's MRI with you."

Kevin shook his head. "No, you can come in and talk to all of us."

The older man let out a tired sigh as he made his way into the room. He took a seat next to Kevin, opening the chart.

"His MRI results show that he suffered small bleeding on his brain. It was on his Cerebellum."

"And that means what?" AJ rasped. "Layman terms."

Kevin shot a disapproving look toward the tattooed rebel.

"I'm sorry doctor," Howie apologized.

"Please continue," Brian added.

"I believe that the blood vessel weakened from when hit his head. No doubt the trauma and bruising from the blow took a few days for the bleeding to start so this, in fact, was a new bleed."

"So that's good?" Kevin asked.

Dr. Simon nodded his head slightly in agreement. "It could be."

"Will he be okay then?" AJ wondered outloud. It was the question the rest of the men were afraid to ask.

"It all depends on Nick," the doctor replied.

"Earlier you said it was a stroke," Kevin said. "What I've heard about strokes is that people are left with some type of problems---"

"Disabilities?" Dr. Simon spoke Kevin's fear outloud.

Kevin swallowed nervously. "Yeah."

"The area that bled was in the back of his head," Dr. Simon said while holding his palm toward the area that was affected. "This area controls balance, speech, vision, decision making, perception and orientation to things around self...."

"So you're saying that Nick has all of this wrong with him?" AJ rasped as tears filled his eyes.

"Absolutely not!" Dr. Simon replied. "These are things that could be effected with Nick. We won't know until he is awake and can be properly acessed."

"Awake?" the four men said in unison.

"He had to have sedation for the MRI.....clausterphobia."

Brian nodded his understanding. He knew all too well how Nick was scared to death of being kept in small spaces. They had played a game of hide and seek back when Nick was a young teenager. The game took a turn for the worse when they discovered Nick had chose to hide in a small, dark room. Not being familiar with the backstage of a concert venue, Nick evidently had mistaken it for a small office and when he closed the door he had bumped the lock on the knob. When he realized his mistake, he panicked and was hyperventilating when Kevin heard the young man's frantic pounding on the locked door.

"I didn't know the kid was clausterphobic," AJ said with a shake of his head.

"Yeah....remember back that one time when he had that panick attack at that venue a few years ago?" Brian reminded.

The older man stood up. "Are there any questions?" He paused for a moment, looking at the faces of each of the men sitting in front of him. He realized they had questions - it was the same with any family that had been told their loved one had suffered a stroke. This was not his arena to discuss. He was always the one that delivered the initial diagnosis. "His case has been turned over to Dr. Ethan Kingsford, head of our neurology department."

"Why aren't you following through?" AJ questioned.

"I'm the Chief of staff for the emergency department. Nick will be in good hands with our neurologist."

Howie cleared his throat. "Can we see Nick?"

"I don't see why you couldn't," Dr. Simon said before glancing down at the chart. "He's on the fourth floor, room 431."

Kevin offered his hand to the doctor. "Thank you, Dr. Simon."

The four men entered the Neurology Unit, uncertain of how they would find Nick. Even the word neurology had Kevin a little bit unnerved. This meant that Nick's health was serious.

That, Kevin was sure of.

Upon entering Nick's room, they found a nurse standing by the bedside, attending to one of several IV bags that hung on a pole next to the bed. The woman eyed the four men warily and then turned her attention back to the IV line.

"He should be waking up soon," she said softly as she moved over toward the sink, disposing a syringe in the red sharps container on the wall.

"Are you planning on calling his parents and letting them know what's going on?" Brian quietly asked his cousin as he stared at all the equipment at the head of the bed.

Kevin ran a hand across his face in a tired gesture. "I know I have to but I really don't need all the drama right now."

"Well you know you have to let them know," Howie pressed.

"As if they would even bother to come down here," AJ scowled.

"You don't know....they may suprise you," Brian stated.

"Only if a hundred bucks was waved in front of them," the rebel spat.

"Don't talk like that," Howie admonished.

AJ folded his arms across his chest. "Do you seriously think those people give a rats ass about their kids? I've seen more love showered on their dogs than their kids for chrissake."

"You realize we're in Nicky's room and he may possibly hear what you're saying," Brian pointed out.

"I'm sure if he is listening, he is probably agreeing," AJ defended.

I'm not sure if it was the guys yelling or just that I had no clue as to where I was, that I woke up with the worst headache of my life.

"Jay tone it down a little," I mumbled as I try to put a hand over my eyes.

"He's awake!" Brian cried out.

Not a good thing for someone that has a migraine!

"Turn the lights off and leave me alone," I grunted.

Okay.....no one seems to want to turn the lights off for some reason. I managed to open my eyes to see why AJ and Brian were talking when I told them to shut up. As soon as I opened my eyes I had wished I had kept them closed. I moaned from the pain.

"Are you hurting Nicky? Do you want me to get your nurse?"

Nurse??

"Nurse?" I vocalized my confusion.

"Do you know where you are Nick?" Kevin asked me in that slow, drawn out Southern drawl.

"What are you talking about?"

"We're back home," Brian filled me in. "Well, not really home....but we made it back to the states."

"Kevin asked Nick if he knows where he is dumbass," AJ growled at Brian.

"I don't want to play 20 questions," I mumbled. I tried to roll over to physically tell them to leave me alone. I had a migraine for crying out loud!

It wasn't until I tried to roll over did I realize that I could possibly be in trouble.

I couldn't roll over!

"Where am I?" I asked, noticing that my voice wasn't as loud as I wanted it to be.

"You're at the University of Miami hospital," Kevin replied. "You had a stroke."

Did he just say I had a stroke? Isn't that the thing that old people have? Maybe I didn't hear him right.

"Huh?"

"I said you're at the University of Miami hospital," Kevin repeated slowly.

I squinted to look up at Kevin. "The other thing."

"You had a stroke?"

When those words came out of Kevin's mouth it hit me like a slap in the face.

You had a stroke.

"Am I gonna be okay?" I whimpered, ignoring the tears that started to run down my face.

It was then that I remembered Nellie Struder. She was that sweet little old lady that lived in the nursing home that my parents worked at. There were some days that they took me down there to help out. Nellie was a fiesty woman that had a stroke and it left her right side paralyzed and in a wheelchair.

She had a stroke too!

"I-I can still walk, right?"

"What did you say Nicky?"

"I-I'm not gonna be like Nellie am I?"

"Who is Nellie?"

I felt scared and alone all of a sudden. My head hurt and I couldn't roll over.

"Where's my mom?"

"Kevin is going to call your parents in a few minutes," Howie said to me.

That didn't help. I wanted her here now!

"I'll let them know you want them here when I call them," Kevin said as he patted me on the shoulder.

"I want her now," I moaned.

God, it hurts so bad.....every breath I take, everytime I lick my lips. This was the worst headache I've ever had! I could feel the tears pour down my face and I didn't care that I was crying in front of the guys. I wanted my mom. She would take care of me.

"Nick, I'm going to give you something for the pain."

"Mom?"

"I'm Bethany, your nurse. You'll feel a cool rush in your arm in a moment."

True to her words I felt something cold run up my arm and the next thing I knew was complete and total darkness and peace.

The Carter family.

Three words that Kevin dreaded the most. Yet he pushed his negative feelings for Nick's parents aside long enough to make the call to what he was hoping was anxious parents for news about their son. It was hard for Kevin to fathom that, instead of getting into their car and driving down to the hospital, Nick's parents chose the easier route by sitting and waiting with their cell phone for his update. Granted he had told them to wait until he found out more about Nick's condition but if the roles had been reversed and someone had called him to tell them that Nick had been rushed to the hospital, Kevin knew that there was no doubt in his mind that nothing would stand in his way to get to his young brother's side.

Nick had said in the past how disfunctional his family was but Kevin chose to ignore that comment, chalking it up to a teenager's strong sense of independance and finding fault when he didn't get his way. For a parent to just let their child run all four corners of the world with only his uncle accompanying from time to time and then briefly his father, he just couldn't understand Bob and Jane's parenting skills.

Now it was becoming more and more clear to him. Nick was just a financial resource to them - plain and simple. It was a shame because that kid never had a prayers chance in hell to be in a true family unit. Sad to admit it to himself, but Kevin was beginning to think that these were people that should have never had children.

Sighing, Kevin flipped open his cell phone and hit *9 and waited for one of the Carters to answer. It took almost five rings before Jane Carter answer.

"Jane...this is Kevin."

"Kevin who?"

Kevin groaned audibly when he heard the question.

"Kevin Richardson....you know the guy in the band with your son Nick?"

Jane laughed quietly. "Oh...yes, that Kevin."

Kevin wasn't in the mood to play games with the woman.

"Jane, you need to get down to the hospital ASAP."

"Oh?"

"Your son is in serious condition. You both need to come down here."

"H-how serious?"

Kevin ran a free hand over his face. Why was this woman so hard to get through to?

"Serious enough that he is in the neurology wing of the hospital."

"Neurology? Why can't he be brought up here?"

"Because he is in a good place with good doctors here and I don't think moving Nick around right now would be a good thing," Kevin explained.

There was silence on the other end of the phone.

"You guys need to come down. Jane, Nicky's been asking for you."

"He has?"

Kevin mentally groaned. Why was this woman so hard to get through to? He took a deep breath in to calm himself before he said something to the older woman he may regret.

"Yes, Nick has asked for you Jane."

"Aww," the woman's tone softened. "He must really be feeling bad. Could you put him on the phone?"

The Kentuckian rubbed a hand across his forehead.

"I'm not with Nick right now. Please, just you and Bob get in your car and come down here okay? I have to get back to Nick's room now. You have my cell number. See you in a few hours." With a click of the cellphone, Kevin ended his side of the conversation. A few hours was generous in his opinion. The Carters should have been down there by now and he shouldn't have had to call them twice!

Roadkill.

That would be the one word I'd use right now to describe exactly how I felt. The last thing I remembered was Kevin telling me that I had a stroke! How could that happen to me? I mean, I'm seventeen clearly in the prime of my life. I don't do drugs and I really haven't drank - well at least I haven't been caught by Kevin drinking with AJ that one time that it was just me and AJ that roomed together in that brown hotel room.

Yeah, I said brown hotel room. That's how I remember places - not by names or countries but by colors. Pretty weird, right? But lets think about it, if I had to remember the name of every city I had been in so far, I would have a headache.

Speaking of which......

"Nick....dude, how ya feelin'?"

Why does AJ talk loud when I have a migraine?

"Could you talk a little softer?"

Howie squeezed one of my feet. "Your head hurt?"

"Uh-huh."

"But other than that, you feel okay, right?"

I looked over at my best friend. "I guess so."

Brian grinned at my response. I could still see concern in his eyes but I didn't really care at the moment. My head fricken hurt!

"Do you remember where you are at?"

Kevin....I wondered where he was.

"Did you call my mom?"

Just me saying that I thought he was going to cry! Did I piss him off by wanting my mom?

Kevin squeezed my shoulder after he approached the side of the bed. "At least you remembered that before the nurse gave you those drugs to get rid of your headache, which I'm guessing didn't work and yes, I got a hold of your mom and they were heading down."

"My head still hurts," I admitted.

"I'll go get your nurse," Brian said as he started to make his way toward the door.

"Brian..."

Kevin's low growl stopped Brian from going any further. Thank God for Kevin! I didn't want to get anything more to make me sleepy.

"How long do I have to be here?"

It seemed like a simple question....at least to me it did but the looks I got from the guys made me wonder, especially the way AJ acted.

"AJ....where do you think you're going?"

Again, Kevin's low growl stopped someone else!

"I need a cigarette."

That has always been AJ's way of dealing with things when they get too intense. I only asked how long I had to be in the hospital, that wasn't a complicated question....was it?

"How long do I have to be here?"

Kevin sighed. Great...this wasn't going to be what I wanted to hear.

"I don't know kiddo, your doctor hasn't said."

Kiddo?? I hate when he calls me that. Next he'll pat me on the top of my head and tell me it's bedtime or something gay.

"Nick, how about you close your eyes and try to get some rest."

Rest?

"I'm not tired," I whined.

"You really should rest Nick," Howie agreed.

"But I'm not tired!"

Brian stepped in, smoothing the blankets on my chest. It was nice that he did that but in front of the guys thats gay!

"Shh, don't argue, if you take a nap, when you wake up, your folks will be here."

All this time, AJ's back was to the room. I decided to plead my case with my older band brother.

"AJ could you please tell them I'm not tired?"

"You need to rest Kaos," his voice cracked. He finally turned around to face me and it was then that I saw he had been crying. "Just take a nap please?"

"Are you crying?"

AJ bit his bottom lip and shook his head and gave me a quick look as if to tell me to drop the subject. AJ had always gave out this tough-guy persona, but deep down, he really had a soft heart.

"Please Nicky, you need to take a nap and you'll feel better when you wake up, okay?"

As much as I wanted to find out what was going on with AJ, I reluctantly dropped the subject. I could see the looks in the rest of their faces that something more was going on and knowing them, they weren't going to say a word to me right now. Maybe if I closed my eyes, they would think I went to sleep and start talking.....Unfortunately my plan had one flaw and it came in the form of someone telling me that I was getting my 2 p.m. medication and it would make me sleepy.

Damn my bad luck!

I woke up and found myself in a hospital bed.....wait a minute, hospital? What the heck happened? Why was I laying in a hospital?

"Hey Nick, how are you feeling?"

I stared at Kevin for a moment before I answered his question. I did a quiet inventory. As far as I could tell I didn't feel like I had been banged up but I had one hell of a headache. They don't put you in the hospital for headaches, right?

"Fine I guess?"

Kevin raised one of those caterpillars for an eyebrow he had - God DO NOT ever tell him that - I made the mistake of joking around and saying that to him once and I swear my life pretty much was gonna cease to end by the time he got done lecturing to me about manners and tact.

"Well I have a headache," I admitted.

He stared at me for a moment before he replied. "I can see it in your eyes."

"Then why did you ask?"

O-o-okay... Judging by the look on the old man's face, I tapped a raw nerve because he sat there and did the running his hand through his hair thing.

"I asked you Nick because I've been worried about you."

"Why? I mean it's just a headache." I figured it was a safe assumption. Why else would I be in the hospital?

"A headache Nick? Do you know where you are?"

I sighed. "That’s a dumb question."

Kevin shook his head. "Let me elaborate, I realize you know you're in the hospital...."

"Then why did you ask?"

"Kaos....I knew you were awake, I can hear your mouth running from down by the nurse's station," AJ announced when he entered the room with Howie and Brian.

Whew....thank God the guys came back to save me from Kevin.

Brian grabbed the chair from the corner of the room and carried it over and sat beside my bed. "Still no Bob and Jane?"

"For a headache? Why would my parents come all this way for a headache?"

"Nick you're not here for a headache," Howie answered my question, concern was clear in his eyes.

"We just talked about this before you got your shot a few hours ago.....you don't know why you're here, do you?"

"Yes I do Bri...."

"I was trying to see if Nick knew why he was here before you guys came back," Kevin said when I didn't answer Brian's question as quickly as he wanted.

"This is so stupid," I mumbled.

"Lift up your index finger on your right hand," Kevin asked in a soft-but-serious voice.

Hold up my finger?

“Excuse me?”

“Hold up any finger on your right hand.”

“I said excuse me because that is like one of the dumbest things I’ve heard you ask.” It was after I said that, Kevin’s request hit me. “I can’t…shit I can’t….” Just like that, it all came back to me why I was laying in the hospital in the first place. I put my left hand over my face to hide the tears.

Kevin wrapped his arms around me as he whispered, “We’re going to take care of you.”

I didn’t want to be taken care of! I wanted to be okay!

“Nicky….my baby!”

Kevin pulled away when my Mom’s voice cut into the room.

“Oh Nicky baby…”

My mom was walking into the room; my dad directly behind her. Both of them looked worried. Instead of feeling relieved to see them, I felt worse and the tears started all over again. My mom was quick to wrap her arms around me and I closed my eyes, feeling safe and secure.

“Oh Nick, your dad and I have been so worried.”

I immediately felt bad about having my parents worry about me.

“I’m sorry,” I apologized into my mom’s shoulder.

My mom pulled away from me. “You’re sorry? Why are you apologizing to us?”

I wiped the tears off my face with my left hand. “I just don’t like to have you guys worry…I mean I do that enough as it is when I’m gone from home I guess.”

“We worry about all you kids,” my dad corrected me.

“I’m going out for a smoke,” AJ announced with a disgusted look on his face.

“I’ll join you,” Brian said.

This totally had me confused. Since when did Brian start smoking? Brian had to have seen the look on my face because he suddenly offered an explanation. “I’m joining AJ to give you and your folks some privacy.”

Yeah, it was always about family and privacy with Brian. Kevin and Howie on the other hand, didn’t seem to want to move. Brian smacked Howie on the arm and gave him the look setting D into motion.

“I’ll join you.”

Mom watched my three friends leave the room before she looked back at me. “Do all of your friends smoke Nicky?”

“No.”

“They probably thought the room was too crowded,” Kevin added with a sigh.

“Why didn’t you go with them, then?”

There it was….I could see the look on my mother’s face. She and Kevin already had a love/hate history established and neither one hid the fact of their dislikes to me from probably the first month after I started touring with the guys. The amazing part of this was that the jabs were coming quicker and quicker each time Kevin and my mom met each other.

“Because I was expecting Nick’s doctor to be coming back in for his evening rounds and I wanted to be here when he came by.”

“I don’t think that would be necessary Kevin,” my mom said to him in her sweetest voice.

“I doubt that would be a problem Jane,” my dad scowled.

“Keep your nose out of this, Robert.”

God here we go again…..I always hoped that when I was away working that my parents found some way to be civil to each other and possibly get along but all hopes for that flew out the window when I heard my mother’s icy reply back to my dad with his given name.

“Don’t tell me to stay out of this, he’s my son too.”

“I’m not disputing that, you just need to butt out of this!”

“If you people want to argue, do it someplace else and not in front of your kid, especially while he is laying in a goddamn hospital.”

Great, not only did Kevin talk down to my parents, he swore at them. I just wanted everyone to leave me alone and take the fight someplace else.

“Can you guys just go?”

There I said it.

“Nick’s right, maybe you and Jane should just go book a hotel room and iron things out before you come back,” Kevin said.

“I want all of you guys to go.”

I know I musta hurt my mom’s feelings but I wished for a second I coulda taken back what I said because I know I hurt Kevin’s feelings and now I felt like shit for doing that. My mom would live, I’ve hurt her more than a few times but the look on Kevin’s face made me regret having balls for once and asking him to leave. I needed to stay strong though.

Kevin threw me a condescending look. “Are you sure?”

Now I felt scared. He wasn’t hurt, he was mad - straight up pissed! I could tell by that look he had on his face. Kevin Richardson had a face like an open book. I knew when he was angry and pissed was putting it mildly.

I swallowed hard. “Yeah I’m sure.”

He balled his hands into fists before he answered. No doubt he was thinking about punching me in the face. I think he was the reincarnation of my fourth grade teacher Mrs. Swain. I swear that woman hated me for breathing! She would look at me like I was an inconvenience for being in her classroom and let me tell you, it was me that was inconvenienced, not that woman…..

“Nick, did you hear me?”

“Yeah, I heard you,” I lied defiantly.

“Okay then, we’ll be back first thing tomorrow morning,” Kevin said, quickly adding, “Call me if you want to talk.”

After they left my room I suddenly started to feel like a really bad person. I had been nothing but an asshole to my parents and Kevin. I wished I could take back asking them to leave. Instead, I would have time to lay here and think about what I said.

Okay……good move Carter. You not only kicked your parents out of the room, but Kevin! He would be the one that would help me get out of this place…..if I could get up, I would walk out of here in a heartbeat.

“Hi sweetheart.”

Sweetheart? Who the hell is calling me sweetheart? I opened my eyes to see a nurse walking up to me.

“Its time for your meds,” she announced to me in a cheerful voice.

I eyed the old woman with suspicion. When I saw the needle in her hand, I immediately felt my heart go into my throat.

I hate needles!

“Um…....lets skip the meds, okay?”

“Hon, you won’t get better if you don’t get the medication your doctor prescribes for you.”

“Yeah but I really don’t like getting shots,” I admitted.

”Awww, c’mon you seem to be a tough guy.”

Okay – Yeah, I know I’m tough, but I seriously hate needles and I don’t feel like getting stabbed right now!

“Yeah I’m tough but I really don’t want to get a shot.”

She started laughing….she thought this was funny!???

“Nick, I'll be giving this to your in your IV line. No pain, see?” She picked up the clear tube that was connected to my hand.

When the heck did they put that thing in my hand??

“Hey…when did I get that?”

“When you came into the emergency room.”

Okay, now my mind was completely blank…I don’t remember being in an emergency room.

“I was in the emergency room?”

Her face got really serious when she looked at me.

“Nick, you've got a head injury and its kinda hard for you to remember things right now, that is why you need to be here and this is why you need this medication.”

Before I could object, she swabbed the IV line with rubbing alcohol and suddenly, I felt my arm start to burn as the medication seeped into my vein.

Normally a private and reserved man, Kevin Richardson didn’t wait until he cooled down before he spoke to Jane Carter; instead, he grabbed her by the arm and pulled her into the vacant waiting room.

“You realize that your son is in serious condition because you chose to ignore the situation from the very beginning.”

“How dare you speak to me like that!”

“Did you even hear what I just said to you? Nick is in serious condition because you only heard what you wanted!”

“Don’t you dare try to place blame on me!”

“Pearlman called you and told you—“

“That he had the situation under control and not to worry,” Jane interrupted.

Kevin shook his head. “No, Pearlman called you and said that Nick got rushed by fans and then shoved to the ground and hit his head and got knocked out before the concert.”

Jane folded her arms across her chest. “Lou said he had the situation under control. Besides if he was that bad off, I'm sure he would have told me.”

“Don’t you think you should have been concerned when he said Nick was knocked unconscious?”

“I trust Lou Pearlman.”

Kevin dragged a hand across the left side of his face as he sighed in exasperation.

“I thought we should have asked more about it Jane,” Bob Carter quietly offered his opinion as he stood beside his wife.

“You always jump in at the last second to make yourself sound better, don’t you? If you can recall, you agreed with me that if Nick was in a bad way, Lou would let us know. He’s our son’s manager and we trust him,” Jane hissed.

“Well because of your trust, your son is laying in a hospital bed in ICU because Pearlman failed to get him proper medical care.”

“You were with him, if he was that bad off, you could have taken him to get cared for,” Jane spat.

“Lets not bicker about who should have taken care of Nick, lets just concentrate on helping Nicky get better,” Bob suggested.

Kevin let out a sarcastic chuckle, shaking his head negatively. “Just brush the issue under the rug?”

“No, I wasn’t suggesting that, I’m just saying that we should worry more about Nick right now and not about the past. What’s done is done, that’s all I’m trying to say.”

Looking up at the tiled ceiling, Kevin sighed. He looked back down at both of the Carter’s faces, drawing a breath in as he collected his thoughts. “The point of all of this is that we need to get with my attorney and draw up papers to get everyone out of this asinine contract with Pearlman. What happened to Nick in Spain is proof that the man doesn’t give a shit about anyone but himself. You should be able to see that by the amount of money Nick has gotten.”

“What Nicky makes isn’t any of your business,” Jane sniffed.

“No, I think Kevin is right,” Bob said as he gestured toward the tall Kentuckian. “We need to get with the others and discuss this.”

Kevin saw Brian walking down the hall toward Nick’s room. “We’ll talk about this later. You’ve got my cell, call me when you get settled into your hotel room.”

“Thanks Kevin for taking care of our son,” Bob Carter said as he extended his hand out to the older band member.

Kevin accepted it and reciprocated with a firm handshake. “I’ll talk to you later.”

“Can you plant your ass for two seconds?” AJ rasped as he watched Kevin pace the hotel room.

Brian shot a warning glare toward the rebel. AJ ignored the look.

“You’re gonna wear a hole in the fucking carpet. What the hell is your deal man?”

Stopping, Kevin drew a breath in, paused as if to start speaking and then opened the mini fridge, pulling out a beer. The rest of the men assembled exchanged worried glances.

“You realize that’s mine,” AJ grumbled.

“I don’t have any idea how you got it in the first place!” Kevin spat as he pulled the tab on the can.

The tattooed rebel grinned as he laid back onto the bed. “I have my ways.”

“Okay, you haven’t said one word since you left Bob and Jane Carter,” Howie said quietly. “Whatever happened obviously has you worked up. Maybe if you talked about it to us, it may help.”

At first, Kevin sat down at the foot of AJ’s bed, drinking the beer.

“C’mon Kev, talk to us, maybe we can help,” Brian coaxed.

“Is it about Nick?” AJ asked, not wanting the answer if it was.

Kevin sighed. “Sort of.”

This response had AJ sit up and Brian groan.

Howie gasped. “W-what’s wrong now? I thought he was stable.”

Kevin hung his head. “No, its not about Nick’s health, it’s about how thick headed Jane Carter is.”

AJ shook his head. “Is that all? I thought it was something serious the way you’ve been acting. She just needs a good fucking and she should be fine.”

Brian’s face turned red at the comment. “You think sex is the answer to everything?”

“Well think about it, that woman is such a cold bitch she probably has a time table set for when the old man can touch her.”

“Inappropriate,” Howie scolded.

“Yeah I bet if she got it every day she’d be a happier person. Hell she don’t need Bob she could get one of those Swedish things---“

”SHUT UP!”

AJ jumped when the older man yelled at him, instead of listening to the advice and being one to always get the last word in, he quickly added with a shrug of his shoulders, “I was just saying…”

Instead of letting AJ’s defiance go, Kevin stormed over to where the young rebel sat, slamming the can of beer onto the nightstand and grabbed AJ by his tee shirt and pulled him off the bed, punching him in the stomach.

”Kevin! Let go of him!” Brian cried as he ran over to pull his cousin away from AJ.

Clutching his stomach, AJ stared up at Kevin, coughing. “What the fuck was that for?”

As AJ stared at Kevin Richardson’s angry face waiting for the answer, he saw something he had rarely seen in the older man’s eyes; anger, fear and frustration. The last was tears.

“I’m sorry,” Kevin whispered as he quickly walked into the bathroom, leaving the trio stunned and mystified as to what brought on his mood.

Kevin stared at his tear-streaked reflection in the bathroom mirror. ”What type of a person have I become?” He whispered to himself as he turned the tap on the sink. Not caring that the water was ice cold, he splashed the freezing water onto his face, welcoming the sting when it connected with his skin.

He gritted his teeth as he looked angrily at himself. He had done something unthinkable! Because of all the built up resentment, he punched AJ in the stomach and he felt horrible. The only time he ever hit someone like that was when he and his older brother, Tim had gotten into a heated argument over something that Kevin to this day, can’t remember what it was. Kevin did remember that he had promised himself never to act out with violence and what just happened with AJ was what he didn’t ever want to happen.

After standing in the bathroom for almost an hour after the incident, Kevin decided that it was time to go back out and face his brothers. Sighing as he opened the door, he was surprised to find the group lounging on the beds, quietly watching television.

“Jay, I’m sorry man….I should have never hit you—“

The normally cocky rebel, dismissed the apology with a wave of a hand. “S’okay. What’s done is done, no worries.”

Kevin ignored AJ’s comment. “I was out of line.”

“I should have kept my mouth shut when you told me to shut up. You know how stupid I can be and I was pushing you when you didn’t need to be pushed,” AJ said with a shrug.

“Let’s just forget this even happened,” Brian said with a slight grin.

Howie agreed, hoping to lift the negative fog that hung in the room like a heavy curtain.

The older man sat on the edge of a bed. “I had a not so productive conversation with Nick’s parents before we came back to the hotel. In fact, they’re supposed to be calling me when they got settled into their room. Did they happen to call while I was in the bathroom?”

“Nope,” Brian replied.

Sighing, Kevin flipped open his cell phone. “Figures,” he mumbled.

It’s kinda funny what you think about when you’re laying around in a hospital bed. I mean, things were starting to piece together in my head and I think I’m remembering what happened that led me to being here in the first place.

I wasn’t in a car accident….at least that’s what I think I’m remembering. I mean I don’t have anything broken so that was a pretty safe assumption. Our plane didn’t crash….I mean lets think about it here – I would be dead if I was in a plane crash, right?

CRAP! What if I fell out of the plane? Did I fall out of the plane? Where’s Kevin? God, maybe I fell out of the plane right before it crashed! SHIT!

Okay, now there’s beeping going on in here……what the fuck is that beeping!?

“Nick! Calm down honey, you have your monitors going crazy..”

I stared at the group of people in scrubs that ran into the room.

“What’s the matter sweetheart?”

“Nothing,” I lied with a sheepish smirk.

The rest of the people walked out of the room, leaving a young girl standing next to me, rubbing my shoulder.

“C’mon, something has you upset, the heart monitor went off, we thought you were going to lose you.”

Lose me?!

I think it was going to be best that I stop thinking because as soon as that nurse said I was dying, the monitor started to go wacko again.

“Calm down…maybe I should give you a sedative,” the nurse said as she started to leave. I managed to grab her hand, forcing her to stay by me.

“Please, don’t…I’m fine.”

“Let’s talk about what has you so upset Nick.”

I could feel the heat rise to my cheeks from the embarrassment. “It’s stupid.”

The young nurse shook her head. “Nothing that has you so upset is stupid.”

Boy…she really doesn’t know me that well. I mean, I can think about some pretty weird stuff….like does Howie wear women’s panties when he is on stage?

“Nick….hon?”

Oh boy, I just spaced out in front of her. I’m such a dork!

“What has got you so upset….come on…..I’m not leaving until you tell me.”

I rolled my eyes. “It’s nothing. I had a bad dream I guess.”

She patted me on the shoulder, giving me a weird look. “I dunno if you’re telling me the truth, but if you say it was a bad dream I guess I have to take your word for it. How about you tell me what the dream was about then.”

Boy she’s persistent! I could tell she wasn’t going to leave until I said something. I licked my lips as I tried think of what to say.

“I fell out of the plane on our flight back home,” I blurted. “Is Kevin okay?”

“Nick? You think you fell out of a plane? Is that what you think happened?”

“I told you it was a dream,” I protested.

“You just asked if Kevin was okay…do you remember what happened to you that got you here?”

I searched my brain and gave up when the only thing that stuck in my mind was a plane crash. I shook my head. “No.”

Five minutes later I found myself trying not to cry in front of her after she laid out all that has happened to me in the past week. She had finished just in time for someone named Trey who said he was from therapy.

He didn’t waste any time once the nurse left the room, pulling a chair up to the side of my bed.

“Okay Nick, I want you to repeat these three words to me and then try and remember them…..apple….tree…..penny.”

I rolled my eyes. This sounded like a baby game.

“Apple, tree, penny.”

“Okay, do you know if it day or night?”

I stared at the guy before I looked out the window. He was a retard. “Night.”

“Easy question, I know,” Trey said with a grin. “Can you tell me what your birthday is?”

“January 28.”

“And the year?”

I let out a deep sigh. “1980.”

“Okay, what were the three words I asked you to remember?”

SHIT…..shit

“One was a fruit, right?”

“Yes Nick, a fruit, but what was it?”

“Can’t you just give me that one?”

Trey shook his head. “Nope, sorry. I can give you a hint, it starts with an A.”

”APPLE! Oops, sorry, apple.”

“Good, and what were the other two?”

“Tree….and um, cents?”

Trey raised his eyebrows, leaning forward. “C’mon Nick, you almost have it. Starts with the letter P.”

“P…p….”

What the fuck was that word? I could see it….

“P..penny?” okay that sounded more like a question than being a definite answer. God, why couldn’t I think of that word right away? I guess the guy could see I was about ready to lose it because he stood up and pushed the chair back into the corner.

“Okay you’ve done pretty good for now, I’ll be back in a few to work with you again.”

“Aww and I was just starting to have fun,” I lied. I wasn’t going to protest, to be honest just trying to work with this guy and the 20 questions thing had me pretty tired.

“Yeah, take a nap and I’ll see you again soon.”

Take a nap…..like that was going to be a hard thing for me to do? It seems that’s all I’ve been doing lately…

AJ grabbed his pack of cigarettes from the nightstand.

“You know you have to go out on the balcony if you’re gonna smoke,” Howie reminded the rebel.

AJ gestured toward the sliding glass doors with a thumb. “Kevin’s out there.”

“Then I guess you’re going to have to wait then, eh?” Brian replied with a cheeky grin. He hated AJ smoking.

AJ shook his head, placing a cigarette to his lips. “Nah, I’ll just stay put.”

Before anyone could say another word, the tattooed man lit up the cigarette, inhaling deeply.

Kevin stormed into the hotel room, grabbing the smoke from AJ’s mouth in a sweeping motion. “Goddamn it McLean! This is a non smoking room!”

“Well I didn’t have any other choice since you were outside on the phone,” he defended.

Howie was desperate not to have another replay of the earlier confrontation between AJ and Kevin. “Just go outside now, okay?”

“Forget it, we have to go,” Kevin announced as he shut the television set off.

“Go?” the others asked in unison.

“To go see Nick?” Brian questioned.

Howie’s eyes grew wide. “Something wrong with him?”

“No….not that, I have an appointment to meet with Bob Carter in fifteen minutes. I thought it would be good for all of us to meet with him.”

“What? No Jane?” AJ asked, sarcasm thick in his voice.

“That’s why we have to go now,” Kevin said, not offering any further answers.

With that, the four men quickly left the hotel.

AJ stared out the window of the taxi toward the restaurant that was practically out in the middle of nowhere as they entered the parking lot. “Why do I have a feeling that this isn’t gonna be good?” he thought to himself in a quiet whisper.

Brian lightly hit his band brother on the shoulder while Howie leaned forward to give AJ warning glare.

“I didn’t mean for anyone to hear me,” AJ defended.

Kevin turned to look at the rebel from the front seat. “What?”

AJ pasted a phony smile on his face. “Nothing bro.”

“Well hopefully Bob’s here already,” Kevin announced as he handed the fare to the driver.

“Would you like me to wait?” the cabbie asked.

“Nah, I’d rather walk than pay out the ass while you keep your meter runing while we’re in here,” AJ spat back. “But thanks for the offer,” he quickly added when he felt Brian’s glare bore into the back of his head as he was exiting the car.

“Bone, please let Kevin do the talking while we’re in here,” Brian and Howie begged as they walked behind Kevin into the restaurant.

Kevin turned and looked at the others. “No….I really would like everyone’s input in this decision.”

“Now I know this definitely isn’t gonna be good,” AJ quietly muttered.

“Hey Nick…..I hope you got some rest while I was gone!”

I narrowed my eyes at the guy that was standing at the foot of my bed wearing navy blue hospital scrubs. It wasn’t until I saw his name tag and the department he was from that I put two and two together.

“I thought you’d be done torturing me until later on today,” I groaned.

“I did and it’s been roughly three hours since I last saw you.”

THREE HOURS?!?

“You just left like two minutes ago,” I protested.

“No Nick, it was almost three hours ago.”

“So you’re telling me I have been sleeping for three hours?”

“Your body needed the rest, it’s not a bad thing. So are you ready to work on your speech again?”

I glared at the guy. “There’s nothing wrong with the way I talk.”

“I didn’t say there was anything wrong with the way you talk.”

“Yeah you did, you said lets work on my speech.”

Trey shook his head as he smiled. “Your friends did say that you love to argue and they weren’t kidding.” He sat down in the chair that was next to the hospital bed. “Speech is tied in with your memory and we have to work on your memory.”

“My memory is fine.”

Trey leaned forward in his seat. “Is it?” he challenged.

“Yeah, it is!”

“Okay…..do you know where you are?”

I stared at Trey for a moment. Was this guy that dumb? This was an easy question.

“I’m in a hospital, dumbass.”

“Yeah, but where?”

“Duh….in a bed.” How lame is this guy?

Trey smirked at me. Smirked? What the hell……

“Where is this hospital….country, city….state…..”

I thought for a minute. I’ll admit he did have me there…..

“I dunno,” I sighed. “Places seem to run together after a while,” I admitted.

“Nick, I’m not trying to stump you…I want to work with you and help you get better. Do you remember what happened to you?”

“Car accident?”

“That was more of a question than an answer…..okay lets get started working with your memory again…..”

Tucked away in the back of the nearly empty restaurant sat Bob Carter, alone as he had promised Kevin. The older Carter flashed a nervous grin to the men as they approached the booth.

“I just ordered another drink,” he said as he gestured to his nearly finished mixed drink.

Kevin warily eyed the honey colored mixture in the glass. “Hope you didn’t have to wait long.”

AJ knew exactly where Kevin was heading as he clued in to the older man’s field of vision. Kevin was hoping that Bob would be lucid.

“For you guys, nah…..I didn’t wait too long,” he said as he glanced at his watch. “I’ve been here for about an hour but that was only by choice. I can’t stand to be with Jane longer than I have to in the mood that bitch is in.”

Fishing a cigarette out of his front pocket, AJ chuckled as he totally related to what Bob Carter was implying.

“Does Jane know that we were meeting you?” Howie asked.

The older man tossed the remainder of his drink back as the waitress approached the table. “Nope. I told her that I was going out for some air. Hey honey, these boys probably want to order too.”

Brian winced when Bob used causal terms with a complete stranger. To him that was rude and embarrassing. He was beginning to see why Nick would be embarrassed when he was out in public with his father when he was younger.

“C’mon fellas, I’m sure Bethia doesn’t have all day…..order something or I’ll order for you!”

After a few moments of no one saying a word, Bob Carter sighed. “Get me a pitcher of beer and some glasses.”

“What kind?”

“Something wet and cold dear,” he winked. “So Boner do you have any smokes I can bum from you?”

“It’s Bone,” AJ growled as he tossed a smoke toward the older Carter.

“Yeah, I knew that.”

Kevin only shook his head and then leaned forward in the booth. “So did you get a chance to think about what we were talking about back in the hospital?”

Bob lit the cigarette as he listened to the older Kentuckian. “How much Pearlman has screwed you over?”

“Not just me but all of us, your son included.”

“That man has taken us for a ride that I doubt will ever end as long as he is in charge,” Howie added.

“Nick could have died from the way Lou has treated him,” Brian stated, his voice barely above a whisper.

“Now that is what I have been wondering about….I mean when I did finally talk to you Kevin, you said that Nick was staying in Miami—“

“I had called you when we were in London, left several messages with Jane,” Kevin interrupted.

“That was the first I had heard Nick was this bad off was when you were throwing him on a plane to come home to see his family doctor,” Bob defended. “That damn Jane never lets me in on what’s going on with the boys.”

“That’s beside the point,” Brian interrupted the older man’s thoughts. “We’re here now and we should be talking about what is going on now not last week.”

“Since Nick is a minor, we need your consent to work with us on getting papers drawn up from the attorneys in getting our contract voided with Pearlman,” Kevin added.

“I’m screwed since we have to involve Jane with this,” Bob grumbled. “She is legally on his contracts with me.”

Kevin dragged a hand over his face in a tired gesture. “There has to be some way around this. I know that she won’t budge an inch and Nick is in no shape to fight for himself unless he filed for emancipation.”

Howie snapped his fingers. “That would have to be the only way. We’ll just have to set up a meeting with the attorneys and get something set in motion, Bob we would need your attorney to set up a time with ours.”

“So this could be done without involving Jane?” Bob wondered.

“It’s possible, but we would have to get with the attorneys,” Kevin answered.

Bob Carter pulled his cell phone from his waistband. “Would tomorrow be too soon?”

Understanding the older man’s thoughts, Kevin Richardson flipped open his cell as he shook his head. “The sooner the better.”

I stared at the therapist. “Do you really think going over words and stuff is necessary?”

“Speech is a part of your brain that holds memory.”

“I know who I am so apparently my brain works.”

Trey shook his head at me. “It’s a little more complicated than that. Have they told you what the exact diagnosis for you is?”

I looked at him with I’m sure was a blank stare. What the hell was he talking about? Instead of answering him, I shrugged my shoulders.

“You had a brain injury; do you remember anyone telling you that Nick?”

Okay….brain injury…..was it from falling out of the plane? Wait a minute, I had that conversation with someone earlier and I didn’t fall out of a plane….okay it will come to me in a minute….how did I wind up here again??

“Nick?”

Ooops…..I spaced out!

“Do you remember what happened to you?”

I shrugged my shoulders. “It’s on the tip of my tongue…..gimme a sec….”

Trey smirked - it wasn’t a cocky smirk; it was the kind of smirk when you feel sorry for someone….like pity.

“The stroke you had---“

“Stroke??”

“Remember, you had a concussion and time lapsed until you sought medical care and that is why you’re here.”

I rubbed my face with my good hand – the one I still could move when I wanted it to. “Okay, I remember now.”

“Anyway, the doctors said you have had Anomic Aphasia.”

“I have what?”

“Your ability to name things correctly has been affected.”

’This guy must be an idiot,’ I thought darkly. I knew what things were. I wasn’t stupid.

“I can see there’s some doubt,” Trey said as he shoved some stuff at me. “What’s this?”

I looked at what he was pointing to. Do you think I could come up with a name?

“Take your time Nick, it’ll come to you,” he said calmly.

Tears were stinging my eyes. “Why all of a sudden is this happening,” I spat back.

“It hasn’t just happened Nick, this has been coming bit by bit, you weren’t just aware of it happening.”

“Let me help you, it starts with the letter F……” He paused for a moment, watching me sweat it out. “You eat with it…” he added.

Why the heck is something that should be so simple to name isn’t coming to me?

“Always funny how attorneys move fast when a ton of money is involved,” AJ mused, sitting on the edge of the table.

“We’re just lucky that Bob and Jane’s attorney could clear his schedule to meet with our attorneys,” Kevin replied.

“But at the hotel? Couldn’t we have met someplace else?” AJ continued.

“I think this conference room is adequate,” Howie defended. “God knows I’ve met with attorneys in weird places. This will help everyone to stay focused.”

“Howie’s right,” Brian agreed. “Besides, I really didn’t feel all that comfortable meeting Nick’s dad in the bar yesterday,” he visibly shuddered at the memory.

“Get over yourself,” AJ spat. “People drink.”

“Guys, Bob’s here with the attorneys…..let’s not fight,” Howie warned as he gestured toward Kevin, Bob Carter and a small group of attorneys.

After formal introductions, the men sat on either side of the long conference table, attorneys spreading out their contracts.

“Kevin Richardson basically filled us in on what was going on---“

“Do we have a case?” AJ interrupted, looking in the opposite direction of Kevin, trying to ignore the older man’s disapproving glare.

“If you’re asking if you have a case against Louis Pearlman and Johnny Wright, yes, I would say you do,” the attorney for the guys replied.

“What about having Nick emancipated?” Bob Carter questioned quietly.

“That is an odd thing….a parent wanting a petition initiated for their child for emancipation,” the older man representing the Carter’s said as he looked down at the papers in front of him.

“In order for us to get this contract broken with Pearlman, we would need all sides in agreement of this and with Nick being a minor and with my wife being on the contract, I know for a fact that she will not budge on signing off Pearlman as a representative of our son.”

“We could file for the four of you to have your contracts voided,” the other attorney suggested.

Kevin scowled. “Leaving Nick screwed.”

“How long would it take for the emancipation petition to be processed?” Bob asked eagerly.

“I would have to draw papers up for Nick and have him sign them. And then it would have to be presented in front of a judge….I’d say two weeks, possibly three,” the attorney representing the Carters replied. “When would he be available to sign the papers?”

Pulling a cigarette from his front pocket, Bob Carter shrugged his shoulders. “As soon as you draw them up, I suppose.”

“Fine, I will be in touch with you before the end of the week.”

“The sooner the better,” Kevin agreed.

“Okay Nick, I am going to hold up a picture and I first would like you to tell me what this is.”

“How much longer do we have to do this?” I whined. It seemed like we had been at this for hours!

“We started five minutes ago,” he said, smiling.

I read his name plate…..why did I have to read his name when I should know it?

“Okay Trey, it seems like it’s been more like five hours.”

“Nick, you’re getting off topic again. Now tell me what this is.

“God was this guy persistent much?”

“Its something you can eat and you can eat it for breakfast and lunch and dinner sometimes at night too.”

“Yes, Nick you can do all of that but what is this?” he repeated his question, tapping at the picture.

God I hated it when he would tap on the picture!

“Its those things you eat when you’re hungry they’re grapes,” I sighed.

“No this isssssssss…”

”Isssssss??”

“C’mon Nick, it starts with the letter O it’s also a color.”

“Grape is a color, right?”

”Mr. Richardson, I’m Dr. Drayer, Nick’s neurologist,” the salt and pepper gray haired man said as he offered a hand out. “Normally I would contact a parent but you seem to be the primary contact person listed for Nick.”

“For all intensive purposes I guess you’d say I am the primary contact person.”

“I’m going to get to the heart of the matter,” the doctor said as he opened up a thick file folder. “Nick was evaluated when he was first brought here and he was re-evaluated this afternoon. He has been diagnosed as having Anomic Aphasia.”

“I thought you said he had a slight stroke,” Kevin interrupted.

“He has and this is more of a fine tooled or specific diagnosis. What Anomic Aphasia is, is that Nick has word finding problems. For instance, if I showed him a knife and asked him what it was, he may say fork or spoon. He would know that it was a utensil you eat with but he would incorrectly identify that utensil.”

“He’ll get better—“

“We had hoped to see significant progress with his therapy given his age and the degree of the bleed however, Nick is actually failing and not improving.”

”Failing?”

“His speech is growing flat and sounds empty. The words are there but sometimes he has difficulty relating what he wants to say.”

Kevin swallowed hard as he listened to the doctor’s report. He felt his heart drop to his stomach. “Do you think we could help him? Someone other than people he doesn’t know? I mean i-is there something more we can do for him?”

”Perhaps having you go over the materials with speech therapy may help him. I couldn’t see at this point where it would hurt him. I’ll set up a time for you to meet with the director of speech. Is there a good time—“

“Just set the time, we’ll be there. We’ll do anything for Nick.”

“Can you please explain to me again why AJ is the first one working with Nick in therapy?” Brian complained, pacing the floor of the private waiting room.

Kevin sighed as he poured his fourth cup of coffee.

“He’s told you something like five times already Brian. Here I thought Nick was the one with the memory problems,” Howie chided.

Brian tugged a hand through his hair. “Yeah, but I thought that Kevin would actually be a more logical choice in this. I mean we’re leaving Nick in the hands of Bone….”

“What the fuck else did you want me to do? Leave him in a one on one with his mother? Nick wanted AJ, there’s nothing else that I could have done, okay? Just drop the subject.”

I’m sure my facial expression mirrored my band brother’s as he sat next to my bed. I guess I shouldn’t be upset with him, I mean I probably called him Howie by accident three times at least. That’s what I keep telling myself - by accident, there’s no way I wouldn’t know my brothers by name? I mean sure, I have trouble calling a fork a fork but Jesus, my own brothers?

“Okay Nicky, lets try this word association game thing the hospital has made up for you to play,” AJ grumbled. “Point to your nose.”

“This is so stupid.”

“I don’t care what it is, you gotta do it…..point to your nose.”

Thank God I obeyed his request! I think the smile on his face told me I did what he wanted correctly.

“Good…..now your mouth.”

I rolled my eyes. “How about you point to your mouth?”

AJ shook his head sadly. He knew that although Nick was trying to be sarcastic when he protested, the flatness of his voice told a different story. “Nick, you know I hate making you do these things but how are you going to get better if you don’t?”

“I don’t know, Howie.”

“AJ,” he corrected as he pointed to himself.

“I know it’s AJ, I was just messin’ with you,” I lied. Why did I keep calling him Howie? I know he’s AJ! Instead of leaving off pointing to body parts, he pointed at himself.

“Who am I again?”

I rolled my eyes. “Is that on the list?”

“Nope but if you call me Howie one more time I swear to God, sick or not, you’re dead Carter.”

“What happened to being nice? Remember, you were told to be nice to me,” I reminded him.

“Who told me that?” AJ asked.

Ooops, me and my big mouth! “You know.”

“Yeah but tell me his name.”

Shit!

“Did you honestly forget the name or are you playin’ with me again Carter?”

“It was dickhead.”

AJ chuckled. “True….that is one of his names, how about I give you his last name….Richardson, does that help you?”

I stared at him as I searched my brain.

“Begins with the letter K…..”

”KEVIN!”

“What are you doing to Nick?”

“We’re you standing out in the hall or something?” AJ asked Kevin as he entered the room.

“No I was actually coming down to take my turn with Nick and I just happened to be outside the door when the kid yelled out my name. So what are you doing to Nick that he yelled my name?”

“I was doing what you told me I had to do,” AJ defended and then smirked. “He called you a dickhead.”

Kevin tugged on the chair AJ was sitting in. “Go back to the waiting room.”

“That’s it? He calls you a dickhead and you throw me out of the room?”

“You probably pushed him into saying that….c’mon you’re wasting my time with Nick.”

I watched as Kevin immediately sat down, a thick book was in his hands.

“So what do you have planned for me?” I asked as I stared at his hands.

“This is something really simple, you’re gonna read to me.”

“You’re kidding, right?”

“Nope, I thought maybe we’d start out with something simple and work our way up each time we meet,” he said as he handed the book to me.

I looked at the cover. “Kid’s bedtime stories?”

“I know, it sounds dumb, but it was what the therapist ordered.”

I took a breath in as I opened the book, not sure if reading was affected as well as my memory. I looked up at Kevin and immediately relaxed when I noticed his posture as laid back, his legs stretched out in front of him. “Okay, this is called Two Grey Cats.”

Wow, I could read that first sentence! I looked up and saw Kevin smile, nodding his head.

“Go on.”

“Elizabeth had two cats. Their names were Micki and Minnie. They looked exactly alike. Micki was a grey cat, Minnie was a grey cat…”

“Why are you stopping?” Kevin asked, alarm in his voice.

I shook my head. “I can read….I can read.”

“That’s good, keep it up buddy.”

I did as Kevin asked and when the story ended I was anxious to start reading another story. This was something I could still do! Of all the things that were taken from me, at least I could escape my prison by reading!

“Hey son, how are you feeling?”

My dad’s voice woke me. “Huh?” My eyes darted around the room until they focused on him standing at the foot of my bed.

“I asked how are you feeling? Kevin told me you had a pretty full morning of doing your speech therapy with them.”

I yawned as I remembered all of the stuff each one of the guys were assigned to work with me on. It was funny how Brian’s was to sing songs with me. That had me pretty tired after I had been through all of the other stuff.

“I’m feeling pretty good I guess.”

It wasn’t until I answered my dad before I realized that there was a man in a business suit standing beside him. I immediately felt self conscious. Business suits equaled bad things as far as I was concerned especially if Jane was standing with him.

“Who are you?”

“I’m Daniel Gross, from the law firm your parents hired to handle your financial and business affairs as well as theirs,” the man said as he offered his hand to me.

I ignored the man’s hand. “Why are you here?”

He cleared his throat, seeming instantly nervous by my question. I felt pretty full of myself to be able to make an attorney nervous even though I was laying flat on my back in a hospital bed.

“You haven’t talked with Nick yet about what you’re planning on doing?” the attorney asked my dad, his face turning a dark shade of red.

“Well it really didn’t need to be discussed,” my dad replied. “Just give him the papers and show him where to sign.”

I stared at my dad. Was he for real? He wanted me to sign legal papers? I couldn’t tell him the correct names for things and he expects me to sign something that would be legally binding?

“What are the papers for?” It was a fair question, right?

“Your father asked me to draw up an emancipation petition.”

I felt completely stupid. I had no clue what an emancipation petition was. “What is that?”

“Nick, I had to do this because we are trying to get you guys out of the contract with Pearlman. I’ve seen how badly you’ve been treated and the only way I can do this is have you sign this petition so you can sign your own documents and make your own legal decisions without having your mother involved.”

“I really don’t want to sign anything without talking to Kevin.”

I could tell by the look on my dad’s face I either pissed him off or hurt him. It was hard to tell.

“Why do you have to get him involved?”

“If the papers aren’t that bad, then you shouldn’t mind, I really need someone to look at them with me.”

“Kevin was the one that suggested it,” my dad growled.

“Then you shouldn’t be getting defensive,” I replied.

“I’m not getting defensive….”

“Maybe we should come back at a better time,” the attorney suggested. “I can leave the papers here and Nick can look at them with Kevin.”

“I guess that’s a good idea,” my dad’s tone of voice hinted at irritation rather than acceptance. “I’ll get a hold of Richardson and I’ll bring the papers back after Nick signs them.”

You mean after you sign them I thought darkly. Both of my parents had forged my name on documents before and I wouldn’t put it past him right now. He seemed anxious to get this stuff signed for some reason.

“I will have to be present when Nick signs the documents. They have to be witnessed.”

That attorney didn’t seem to be so bad after all. He was thinking exactly the what I was! My dad got uncomfortable right at that moment.

“Lets go down and call Kevin then, I’m sure he’ll come right up,” my dad suggested as they left the room.

I stared at the big envelope they left beside me on the bed. I didn’t have the energy or the desire to look at them right at that moment. I’ll wait for Kevin. He always knows the right thing to do. That was the last thought on my mind as I closed my eyes, seeking the peace of sleep.