Kevin walked into his high school for the first time since the last day of school the following school year. Kevin was now he rule of the school he was anxiously awaiting to get the year over with so he could go onto college with his football scholorship to the University Of Oregon to play for the Ducks. Then just maybe his dreams of becoming a pro-football player would come true. Kevin walked to his locker and saw a young blonde haired girl standing there waiting for him. It was his girlfriend Britney who just got head cheerleader for the year.

"Hey babe"

"Hi honey....how are you doing? You seem to be in a good mood"

"I guess I am just happy because this is my last year in this school. We get to graduate I get to go into a great school I get to play football. Why wouldnt I be happy?" Kevin questioned leaning in to give his girlfriend a kiss.

"I wouldnt know. Are you ready for the big game on Friday?"

"You betcha I am"

"You know I will be cheering you on babe what do you have first period?"

"History....boring but I am just looking forward to our dinner date tonight though" Kevin replied as he have her yet another kiss.

"I am looking forward to it too. I will see you later I got choir this morning..love you Kev"

"I love you too Brit" Kevin watched his girlfriend walk down the hall," How could I have been so lucky to find someone like her?" Kevin thought to himself as he walked into his first periods classroom.

~~~~~

As first period went on with ther ever so boring rules, regulations, school policy, and all of that first day of school shit. Kevin heard the intercom beep into the classroom.

"Mr. Uban...may we have Kevin Richardson to the office he has an early realase from school"

"Okay thank you....well Kevin it looks like you are already going home for the day your homework is the usual get this signed and bring it back tomorrow" Kevin got out of his seat and picked up his bookbag, grabbed the peice of paper and was on his way home.

"This was the shortest day ever...I wonder why I am going home so early?I just started school," Kevin got home just minutes later he walked in through the door," Dad? Dad? Where are you?" Kevin walked into the living room where he saw his dad sitting on the couch with his face burried in his hands," Dad what's wrong? Where's mom?" his dad looked up at him with tears still strolling down his face," Dad please tell me where is mom?"

"She's gone son, she died this morning...in...in a car crash on the way to work...a car went through a red light. She tried her best to swerve out of the way but instead hit a tree she died instantly." Kevin couldnt speak no words could describe his emotions at the moment.

"Mom's gone? No this cant be happening? He is lying...he's just playing a joke on me...thats right just a joke. Kevin who are you kiddng you just lost your mother," Kevin thought as the tears soon started to trickle down his cheeks.

Kevin didnt go to school the next day nor for the next several weeks. He couldnt face the fact she was gone. No one can replace your mother. Britney tried to call but he just ignored the phone. He didnt want to talk. Everything was just going to stay bottled up inside of him then at the right moment just explode. Kevin got out of bed and looked of the window and saw the rain just poor down on the pavement. The wet rainy day just made him feel worse than he already did. He felt like blaming himself for his mothers death, but how could he? He didnt do anything and nothing could have prevented it.

"Why did you go mom? Why did you leave me? Why do I feel like I am to blam for this? Am I being punished?Fuck!"Kevin yelled. Nothing was going to help him. Kevin looked at his fathers bar across the way and started to walk towards it. He's seen movies where drinking just seemed like it was the answer to just about everything. He quickly looked to see if his dad was gone, he was. He got out a glass from behind the bar and poured a full glass of vodka and just drank it. It was the first time he had ever drank," How could anyone like this stuff? Its tasta awful," Even though he didnt like it...he drank down the glass until there wasnt a drop left. Kevin heard a knock on the door...he quickly put everything away,"Coming!" he shouted. He opened the door and there stood his girlfrien Britney.

"Kevin you look horrible when was the last time you took a shower?" Britney questioned as she raised one eywbrow.

"I dont know, I dont care," he whispered.

"Kevy I am worried about you. You havent been at school for two weeks. You missed the 'big game' and you never miss a big game. We lost you know. We need you, Kev" Kevin just turned his head away," Kevin Richardson please talk to me!"

"I am sorry Brit...I mean I lost my mom...she gave birth to me...and now...she's just gone. I never even got to say good-bye or tell her that I loved her..she's just gone," Kevin felt the tears soon roll down his cheeks," I never got to say a fucking good-bye" Brintey wrapped her arms around Kevin.

"It's going to be okay Kev. Just remember your mom is in a better place now..and I am sure she is fine...she's probably looking down on your right now," Britney slightly giggled as she whipped away her tears.

"I guess you're right Brit I'm sorry I didnt return your phone calls. I'm glad you came over"

"I am too" she hugged Kevin again and gave him a kiss. Britney thought she smelled and tasted something different on Kevin," Hmm..it tasts like Kev has been drinking...but Kevy drinking? I couldnt see it..maybe I am just imagining things," she thought.

Kevin was back at school within the week. Being at school.. almost made him feel the way he did before. His mom always helped around the school.

"Hey Kev how is it going for you?" Britney asked.

"Okay I guess..its just weird I guess"

"Yea, I would see what you mean just hang in there Kevy...everything will work out okay? I'll see you at lunch...I love you," she gave him a quick kiss

"Love you too Brit," Kevin walked to his next class at a slow pace...just enjoying the halls of the school, the art work, crafts and other things he never paid attention to before, just before he got to his third period class he noticed someone he's never really noticed before. His hair was a dirty blonde, he was average height and wore baggy blue jeans and an oversized hooded sweatshirt. Kevin walked on by.

"I'm sorry to hear about your mother," he said.

"Do I know you?" he questioned.

"No you dont but the names Brian...Brian Littrell" Brian held out his hand.

"How do you know about my mom?"

"I know everything and besides you're the captain of the football team...it gets around," Kevin sighed and started to reach for the door knob," Wait just a second there Mr. Big Shot"

"What? I have to get to class" "I may have something that will make your pain of your mothers death all go away" "Yea like what?"

"This..." he pulled out a bag from his pocket of a white powdery substance," It will make everything all go away...I guarantee it"

"No, I couldnt I felt bad for drinking my problems away the other day...I..I couldnt do drugs...I could lose my scholorship I want to play football," Kevin stated.

"All the pro's do it...you think they are all pretty and perfect? Please Kevin they all do it...and I am sure if you EVER make it into the big leagues you are going to do it yourself sooner or later," Brian teased waving the bag in his face. Kevin stood there and thought about it,

"What if I do it? It wouldnt hurt me would it? I mean its not like I am going to get addicted to this stuff sure why not?" Kevin thought to himself," Okay sure"

"Well just for you I'll cut the price down just to whatever you got on you"

"All I have is a $20"

"Okay thats good enough...if you want more just give me a hollar ad I will getcha some more but the next time its going to cost more....$50 per bag" Briam said. Kevin reached into his back pocket and pulled his wallet out and handed the $20 to Brian," Thank you very much," Kevin grabbed the bag and stuffed it into his coat pocket amd walked into the classroom. But what Kevin didnt know was Britney standing behind the corner...she couldnt believe what she had just saw Kevin buy.

"What is Kevin doing around him? And I hope he didnt buy what I think he just bought,"

Many months have passed since Kevin's mother died, but his whole out look has just completly changed. His grades went extremly down, he wasnt able to play football anymore, his scholorship went down the drain. His friends were starting to get worried. So one day after school Britney decided to go over to Kevin's. Britney knocked on the door. Kevin answered it.

"Hey Brit I didnt expect you," he said.

"I know that's why I came. I am worried about you babe"

"What's there to be worried about?" Britney just looked at him," He used to dress so nice," she pondered," But looking at him now...dressed down in a pair of sweatpants and a ragged t shirt that says batman of all the things...I just dont understand it," Britney thought again,"Kevin look at you....what happened to your ambercorombie clothes? Is this what you are reduced to? I heard you lost your job, your scholorship, your grades or horrible...you fucking cant even play football anymore Kev" Britney said," Kevin just turned away," Kevin are you going to say anything?"

"I dont know what has gotten into me Brit I guess...I dont know. I cant really say"

"All you can say is I dont know? What kind of an excuse is that?"

"My excuse"

"Its not good enough Kevin! I DO have a question though um.. Kev last month I saw you buy something from some guy...I dont even know who he is..and all I want to know is why? Why did you buy drugs from that guy?"

"Britney I dont know what you are talking about"

"Kevin please I saw you buying coke from a guy at school...we actually more than once.Kev, you are addicted to drugs and I know about your drinking problem as well. Kevy what has gotten into you?" Britney asked. Kevin didnt know what to say he knew he had been caught.

"I dont know Brit believe me I've tried I'm sorry I didnt just tell you the truth. I guess losing my mother was just harder than I thought

"Why dont you go somewhere, where you can get help like rehab?"

"Brit, I just cant school?"

"Please Kev your grades suck, you lost your scholorship going into rehab isnt going to hurt you. Its just going to help you out thats all" she said. Kevin thought about it for a minute.

"Brit I dont know okay? I mean I want to but"

"But why?"

"I just can't" Britney looked at Kevin and sighed.

"Kevy, I'm sorry I have to do this t you...and I know its just going to make you worse, but I cant be with someone who does drugs or drinks too much. Its just not going to happen..I'm sorry Kevy, but thats just the way it is going to be again, I'm sorry," Britney lightly kissed Kevin's lips," Good-bye Kevin Richardson," Brintey said as she walked out the door. Kevin just let her walk out the door.

"How could I have been so stupid? Dammit Kevin you are such a fucking retard. You lost your mother, now you lost your girlfriend there isnt anything else in my life. Everyone is gone...EVERYONE!" he said a loud as he walked into his bedroom where he kept his stash of drugs, but just before he thought he would write his dad a little note,"Sorry dad," he said as he took the last of the coke that was in the bag. He soon started to feel funny and dizzy then he soon realized he overdosed and collasped on the bedroom floor.

Kevin's dad came home later that night and didnt see Kevin anywhere to be found. "Kevin! I'm home... Kevin where are you?" His dad yelled there was no answer from Kevin. He started to get worried about his son. He checked in the kitchen, the bathrooms, the family room..then finally the last room was his room...he walked in and saw Kevin lying on the floor," Kevin! Kevin! Wake up Kevin!" he yelled no responce," Kevin!" still no responce from Kevin. He bent down and checked his pulse...barely breathing and that's when he found the bag on the floor beside him he picked the bag up and smelt it," My son was doing drugs?" he questioned himself," Why didnt I just see it?" he questioned again and picked up the phone and dialed 911. Beside the phone thats when he found the note addressed 'DAD' he opened it.

Dad,

This was the hardest thing for me to go through. Losing mom was no doubt the hardest thing that has ever happened to me..and I'm sorry that I did this to you...I had nothing else to turn too..but drugs and alcohol...and after Britney left me...I...I couldnt take it anymore.... again I'm sorry dad I love you very much and I always will...I will make sure to tell mom you love her and you miss her very much..

Your Son,
Kevin

He just cried...he had no one his wife and son were both gone the ambulance arrived a short time later and rushed him to the hospital to see if there was anything that could be done. He sat there in the waiting room to hear anything from the doctor. He watched the people come and go...various people...little girls with ear aches, fevers, then there were the drugies, car crashes, alcolohics, it all soon reminded him of the past couple of months. He soon saw the doctor come walking towards him.

"Sir, I'm sorry...your son Kevin took so much coke...we werent able to revive him...we are deeply sorry...it was almost as if he meant to do this..more of a suicide...again we are very sorry we have him in another room if you would like to say your good-byes," nodded his head and followed the doctor into the room where he saw Kevin laying on the table. He walked up to him and felt the tears roll down his cheeks.

"Kevin, I got your letter buddy...I know you're sorry I...I dont blame you for doing those things...I...I just wish you could've told me and we could've gotten you some help...you didnt have to do it this way. I love you very much and thank you for telling your mother I love her and I miss her very much....and I will also mis you too Kevin..I will always think of you and your mother every day and every night. I love you Kevin," he said aloud knowing he couldnt hear him, but he now was in a better place looking down on him hearing the words he wa saying.