The air was warm for the night and was saturated with the sweet smelling aroma of blooming honeysuckle and blue wisteria that entangled and slipped through the colossal trees of the thick forest. A soft breeze faintly rustled the healthy, summer leaves as it blew through the night and lightly teased the surface of the cool lake.

The sun had long since faded and left the sky coated in a rich blanket of everlasting beauty and tranquil midnight blue that was scattered with the sparkling stars that smiled benignly upon the world. Darkness may have now descended upon the land, but the stars and the moon easily filtered through the canopy of everlasting green to light the ground and cast enchanting shadows that flickered like mythical creatures from tree to tree.

Trickling from the leaves, the water droplets ran in streams to the ground to give a private, soft layer of rain that would nourish all that lie beneath the lush canopy. Rain had fallen that evening and now lay glistening upon the thousand flowers; blue, violet, yellow, red and fiery orange petals provided a fresh carpet of gentle beauty. The dewdrops sparkled and shimmered with their own light as the thick moonlight reflected from them and cast a million sparkles into the air. Water caught in the huge leaves above now sought to escape and find the other life that rested below its high perch.

A soft trickling of water danced through the air like a soothing lullaby as water cascaded down the grey stones and into a pool beyond the trees. The surface reflected the stars above and looked so calm and smooth that it almost appeared to be unbreakable. It looked almost as if you could step out and walk upon it…


Softy he walked across the spongy ground, damp after the trickling of water from the trees above and he loved the way the thick, wet grass squeezed between his bare toes and sent shivers throughout his body.

He raised his head and felt the refreshing raindrops from the canopy dripping onto his face, sticking the fringe to his head and cooling his flushed skin. His eyes closed and he allowed the water to drift down his face in beautiful streams that tickled the soft skin of his cheeks. Breathing deeply he allowed the scent of flowers to penetrate his body and he stretched his arms out in rapture.

“Back again, Brian?” a gentle voice teased.

He smiled to himself and his senses were already heightened and sending ripples of pleasure through his body at her close proximity. He licked his lips, but did not turn around to face her yet. “You think I could stay away from this place for long?” he asked, staring up through the dense roof of leaves above to the strange constellations that glimmered in the sky and bathed his face in pale light.

Slender hands were suddenly massaging his shoulders and she pressed her body up against his back so that he could smell her perfume, a wonderful mixture of the forest scents that intoxicated his body and made him blind to everything but the reality that he inhabited now.

He could hear the smile upon her plush red lips and he hung on to the thought of pressing them to his own and tasting her sweet mouth. She breathed against his neck, teasing him with her sweet breath and making his body ache in desire for her.

“And what about me?” she whispered, her lips brushing against the side of his neck for a brief second, only for a second but Brian’s heart was already throbbing deep inside of him as he realised that there was so much more to come this evening. Her hands still rested on his shoulders but now she moved them down to rest upon his chest.

He finally turned and allowed her to see the playful smile upon his own mouth and the excited light dancing within his blue eyes. He gently slipped his arms about her lithe body and drew her closer to him.

“How could I ever stay away from you?” he said seductively.

She smiled and then her lips were softly pressing against his own. He delicately kissed her back, almost frightened in case she disappeared in front of him like she seemed to do every evening.

His arms gripped her tighter and the kiss quickly became more passionate and heated, causing him to moan in pleasure, even though they had barely begun.

She was suddenly tugging at his clothes and pushing him down to the soft grass. The second the hit the ground she was crawling on top of him and frantically pulling at his thin shirt. Eagerly he helped to remove it before he was reversing their positions, quickly before she had the chance to fight him and tease him like she always tried to do. She giggled as Brian held her arms back while he planted light kisses upon her face. He stopped for a second and breathed deeply, hardly daring to believe that he had this beautiful girl below him gazing at him with such a deep desire in her dark, mysterious eyes. He saw her bite her lip in nervous excitement like she always did before they made love. The same gesture never failed to make the burning fire flare up inside of his body as he pressed himself closer to her.

He gently ran his hands through the silky, dark hair before brushing it back from her face taking time to study her enchanting features and the eyes that pulled him into her. She mirrored the movement, her own fingers stroking his face before bringing him closer for a deep kiss that caused them both to sigh as the time of anticipation ended. Her pale fingers entangled in his hair to press him closer and he eagerly returned her passion before lowering his head to lick and kiss at the exposed skin of her neck.

He gazed into her eyes and smiled at her while his fingers began to work on the front of her dress. She leaned her face up to meet his lips in another kiss before her arms wrapped about him and pulled him closer, murmuring his name over and over again.

Brian allowed his body to succumb to ecstasy and nothing could have been more perfect then having her in his arms with the sound of the waterfall as a serenade and the breeze warm and perfumed by the scent of sweet flowers. These trivial things soon vanished form his mind and all he was aware of was her as he whispered his love for her over and over again. Each time the words flew from his mouth, he saw her lips curve into a beautiful smile as she realised that his soul belonged to her completely.




* * * * * * * * *



Exhausted Brian awoke from the dream, gasping as his body still trembled with pleasure from his fantasy lover’s touches.

He fell back against the pillows, sighing to himself as he bundled one of them into his arms. For a moment his eyes flickered closed, easily conjuring up the wonderful world he visited in every dream.

He opened his blue eyes again, smiling as he thought of her. Every night she came to him in his dream now… and he was falling in love deeper every night.

His feet were not on the ground now. He was walking on water.

“Someone’s in love.”

“What? Who?”

“Brian. Can’t you tell? He isn’t even walking on the ground anymore!”

Nick cast a suspicious glance out of the window to where his friend sat alone on the beach. There was something different about him. He had hardly spoken that morning and had instead sat staring into space while humming to himself.

“Who is it?” He turned back to Howie.

The older man shrugged. “I don’t know. I haven’t seen him with anybody. I can just tell by the way he’s acting.”

“And he hasn’t told us? I’m offended,” Nick replied.

“I don’t think he’s told anybody, but from the way he’s acting, its someone who really does have a hold on him.”




Brian was not even aware of his friends’ curious eyes upon him as he gazed at the shimmering ocean before him. His blue eyes slid calmly over the splashing waves that rose to form great, foam-topped crests that would playfully crash into one another before they finally tumbled upon to the golden delight of the hot sand. The sky was a perfect blue fir the summer day and the sun shone unhindered upon the beach, dancing upon the waves to form a spectacular show of flashing sunbeams that dazzled the eye.

It was beautiful, but in comparison to the enchanting, moonlit glade he had wandered in his dreams it was nothing more than a pale shadow or a faint watery picture. He failed to be as awed by this beauty as he had been in his dreams.

He sighed as he fell back to lie against the comforting, warm sandy beach and closed his eyes to allow her face to drift into his mind.

He did not normally experience such sensual or vivid dreams and he rarely even remembered any of the images his mind conjured up in his slumber, but these were different. True, the forest with its flowery incense and showering rainwater was now only a vague memory but she was real as the sun that beat down upon his chest now. He could recall her face as easily as the bright colours of a rainbow and even now he swore that he could still smell her perfume and her sweet breath that made his skin tingle. He had fought to cling onto this image and to not allow it to float away down a hazy river of forgetfulness along with every other dream he’d ever had. These were too amazing to simply forget. Now when he closed his eyes, he remembered her soft, dark hair and the taste of her mouth as her lips pressed against his. It was almost as if she had imprinted herself within his mind or cast an alluring charm upon his soul to make sure that she never vanished from his mind.

He knew he was crazy. She was a dream, a figment of his imagination, but it felt so real! She had come to him in his dreams for the past three nights and he had been captured by her beauty the second she entered his slumber. Even if it was a dream, he could not help but feel his heart beat harder inside of him as he thought about her. He couldn’t help it as he fell in love…

“Hey, cloudy head!”

His eyes opened to reveal his misty, dreamy blue orbs and he found himself gazing up at another pair of blue eyes as somebody leaned over to stare down at him in amusement.

“So who is she?” Nick demanded.

“Who?” Brian asked innocently, not moving as he lay on his back on the sand.

“The lover girl who’s dug her claws into your skin so tightly that you don’t even know what day it is?”

“It’s Thursday.”

“Actually, it’s Friday. See, I’m right!”

Brian rolled his eyes. “Stop being a dork Nick. It’s Thursday.” Wasn’t it? Was he really beginning o lose track of time now? “What makes you think there is a girl anyway?” he turned onto his side to avoid Nick’s piercing eyes.

“Because you’re walking on water and your head is somewhere in the clouds where we can’t see it! There’s this really dreamy expression in your eyes and… hell, you’re just in love! Now tell me who it is!”

Brian turned his head to flash Nick an irritating smirk. Nick would think he was nuts if he told him about his lover in the forest.

Nick sighed in irritation and he heavily dropped his body to the sandy patch beside Brian. He lie back as Brian had done. “I don’t get it. There’s nobody around here for miles and you’ve hardly been out of the house since management dumped us here.” His brow furrowed as the Carter brain attempted to puzzle out his best friend’s secret. He suddenly turned. “Unless it’s that hot chick who works at the store down the road. Aaww Brian, she was mine buddy!”

“It’s not her.”

“Oh… good.” Nick fell silent for a moment. “Okay I give up, so tell me. Who is she?”

Brian stared up at the sunny sky and listened to the waves as they glided over the sand and a smile played across his pink lips. “The girl of my dreams.”



* * * * * * * *



As usual, the grass was damp with dew beneath his bare feet that gave a very pleasant sensation as he walked over it.

His forest dreamland had been awaiting him the second he felt his eyes close that night. Sometimes he was afraid that he would fall asleep and not dream about this place, but every night his fear was unjustified. It always waited. It was always ready to draw him into its paradise and each time he walked within it, he swore that it grew more beautiful.

She would be here too. His heart skipped slightly inside of him as his mouth began to grow dry with anticipation.

He looked down and found that he was clad in a pair of light brown pants that were only held up by an elasticised band and a pale shirt which was half unbuttoned.

He stared up at the great trees that towered above him, their leaves being softly rustled by a faint breeze. There was no life giving rain falling tonight and the air was warm, but cooling after the sun’s heat had eagerly baked everything that had been caught in its fiery blaze.

He slowly began to walk along the path, taking the time to inhale the scent of the honeysuckle that dangled above him and the roses which grew either side of the path. He knelt down upon the grass and plucked one of the pink roses from the healthy green bush. He held it to his face and smiled at the sweet smell. Not even real roses in his own waking world seemed to smell this good.

He rose to his feet with the bloom clutched safely in his hand before he began to follow the path to the pool. Above him he heard an owl cooing softly in the tree branches and the moon illuminated the way ahead of him. As the owl fell silent he heard another sound reaching his eyes; the soft sound of a sweet melody that delicately washed over him and lulled his soul.

He took a deep breath as he emerged into the clearing where the moonlight shimmered and flickered upon the pool of clam water. He could see the reflections of the stars above him, but the most beautiful creature of all was delicately seated upon a rock by the edge of the water. He could hear her voice clearly now as she sang, her voice never faltering on any of the notes but always remaining perfect.

He silently crossed to her, careful that his feet did not rustle as they crossed the grass. He stopped a few steps away and his heart rushed into his mouth as he saw her fingers brushing through her dark hair that fell about her bare shoulders. The rest of her body was concealed by a pale violet dress that matched the lilacs flowering at her feet.

She continued to sing, unaware of his presence and he simply stood motionless as the peaceful song flew through the air. The language was unknown to him and he could only guess what it meant. Somehow though he knew that she was singing of her love, just as he hummed dreamily to himself in his own world.

All too soon the melody faded as she ended her song. He saw her as she gazed into the water and then he could bear the wait no longer. In swift steps he had closed the distance between them and wrapped his arms gently about her slender waist.

“Karine, that was beautiful,” he whispered as he tenderly kissed her neck.

She turned her face and he could see the smile upon her face. “It was for you.”

She stood up and Brian clasped her hands within his own and brought them to his lips to grace them with a kiss. Still his heart had not yet grasped the wondrous fact that this girl was all his and it still pounded rapidly in excitement and love. “I missed you,” he said as he held the rose out for her.

She took it and smiled at him before placing a soft kiss upon his lips. “I miss you as well when you’re not here.”

“I wish I could be,” he whispered his eyes half closing at the bliss of being with her again.

She playfully batted his arm with the rose. “I’m sure you prefer your waking world to mine with everything that is real,” she teased.

“You are real,” Brian defended.

“Are you sure?” There was a twinkle in her eyes.

Brian knew what she desired and drew her close for a passionate kiss. “Certain,” he said when they parted for air.

She stroked his face for a moment and then took his hand to begin walking with him. “How was your day?” she asked.

“Dull,” Brian confessed. “I wish I could stay here. It must be wonderful to live in a pretty place like this.”

She smiled. “I’m the opposite. I wish I could live with you in your waking world. What is it like there? Do you have forests?”

“Sure we do, but not many really huge ones and I’ve never seen one as pretty as this. We don’t have that many either.” It was rather sad how the humans had destroyed things as beautiful as this place. Maybe his world could have been like this if his race had been more careful.

“At least you have this one.” She stopped and turned to face him. “I wish you could stay here forever.”

Brian smiled but did not reply as he pulled her into his arms. He pressed his face against her neck, wondering what it would be like to stay here with Karine every day for the rest of his life. She was special. Nobody else had ever made his heart beat so fast and nobody had ever affected him so badly that he couldn’t think unless they were by his side. He breathed deeply and then sniffed her hair. “You smell like flowers,” he whispered running the softness through his hands and smelling her again.

She gently pulled his hands into her own. “Why thank you. And you…” She leaned up onto tip toes and began to kiss his face before she pressed her face against his hair. “I have no idea what you smell like, but it’s nice.”

Brian laughed slightly and sighed as he stared at her. “So what are we going to do tonight?” he asked casually, wondering if she wanted the same physicality that he wanted. They would lose themselves within each other when they were together and it wouldn’t even matter if the world ended then because he would have her in his arms…

Her eyes rolled above her to stare at the stars and the moon in the dark sky. “The night is soothing this evening.” She eyed him daringly. “I want to swim.”

“Here?” Brian asked looking across at the pool.

“Why not? As long as my father doesn’t catch us.” She eagerly grasped his hand and began to pull him back towards the pool.

“Would he be angry if he knew you were seeing me?” Brian asked. She rarely mentioned much about her family but he had already guessed that they were oblivious to Karine’s love affair with him.

“Exceedingly.” They stopped by the edge of the pool and Karine suddenly pulled Brian to her for a kiss. “But what he doesn’t know can’t hurt him.” She giggled slightly at the forbidden nature of their relationship and then began to kiss him again.

Brian was only too eager to respond, loving the way his lips would quiver after each kiss, begging for. She broke away from him. “Ready for our swim?”

“I’m always ready,” Brian said grinning and already plotting how to get them both bare once they were in the water.

He released her hand as he turned to pull his shirt over his head. He dropped it upon one of the rocks and then turned back to Karine. His mouth almost fell open when he saw that she completely undressed herself. He found his eyes trailing down her naked body.

A smile crossed her lips. “Why so shy Brian? It’s nothing you haven’t seen before.” She laughed at the expression upon his face and he swore that she could feel the sudden flush of longing that had heated his body. She turned and began to walk towards the water. She stepped into the pool and then swam out to the centre before turning back to discover that he was still mesmerised by her body.

“Are you coming?” she asked, taunting him by dipping just far enough below the water so that he couldn’t see her naked skin.

Brian took a deep breath and then grinned at her as he began to walk towards the water.

“Ah ah Brian.” She raised her hand from the water and pointed to the pants that still concealed the lower part of his body. “Off.”

“What if someone sees?” Brian asked.

She laughed at him and rewarded him with one of her smiles. “I never thought you would be this nervous! I dare you to swim naked with me! If someone sees, then let them see!” she giggled.

“I’m not nervous,” Brian defended stubbornly. He had hoped that they would somehow end up in this position but Karine had beat him to putting a plan into action.

“Then come on.”

Brian smiled at her for a moment but still didn’t move, wanting to tease her and make her believe that he wasn’t going to follow her. She returned his loving gaze and then raised her hand to beckon him, a daring smile lighting her face.

“Turn around,” Brian said.

“Briiiian!” she teased. “Don’t be so shy!”

“Turn around!” He flashed her one of his own smiles. “Be patient.”

“I don’t want to be patient! I want you in the water!” She sighed as she saw the flirtatious look on his face. He was teasing her, as always. “How about if I just close my eyes?”

“You’ll peek!”

“Brian, you’ve never been shy when I’ve seen you before!”

He pulled a face at her and then made a gesture for her to turn around. She smiled back at him and then exaggeratedly turned her back upon him.

“If you’re not with me in ten seconds,” she threatened. “I’ll come and undress you myself!”

“That’s not much of a threat!”

“It will be if I undress you then run off with your clothes!”

Brian rolled his eye and quickly crossed to the deeper end of the pool. He dropped his pants and left them abandoned on the shore before diving into the water.

For a moment there was a brief shock of cold and he suddenly he felt completely weightless. He opened his eyes to see the midnight black waters swirling about him. He could see a faint shimmer where the moon pierced the rippling water and he took a moment to adjust himself to his new situation. The water was not freezing cold, but wonderfully cool compared to the hot day he had spent on the beach. Staying beneath the surface he began to swim towards the centre of the pool where he knew Karine was waiting. The second he saw her body beneath the water he rose to the surface and grabbed her before she could try and swim away or dunk him.

She gasped slightly at the unexpected surprise and Brian pulled her beneath the water laughing. He clasped her close to him, their bodies pressing so close that any watchers would not be able to tell one from the other.

She pressed her mouth to his and they kissed while the cool water swirled about them and tickled their bodies. Brian’s sense were now electrifying alive and aware of the feel of the water and the moonlight that filtered down upon them. He could feel her hair and the pressure of her skin against his own. Then there was the kiss itself, full of passion, longing and love.

They burst to the surface, mouths still pressed tightly together, neither willing to break the moment that they were sharing. Eventually the need to breathe forced Brian to pull away from her and they both gasped to replenish their lungs.

Brian closed his eyes as he savoured the taste of the kiss. Every time it felt as special as the first. He could still remember. He could recall the first time he had entered this forest and seen Karine brushing her hair on a rock. He’d fallen in love that very moment and after one single evening together they had confessed their feelings.

That night he had found his soul mate, the one person he was supposed to share everything with.

He was brought pleasantly back to the present as he felt her lips upon his. He smiled as he opened his eyes. She looked so innocent and pretty with the moon upon her. Her hair was now thoroughly soaked but still it seemed to hold a magical sheen of its own. He eyes twinkled at him and she bit her lip as her eyes fell onto his naked chest.

She laughed as he wrapped his arms about her and began to hungrily kiss her neck and face. She pressed closer to him, her arms entwining about him.

“Not so shy anymore are you?” she whispered.

“Mmm,” Brian said still buy kissing her neck and trying to leave his mark there.

She suddenly used her hands to splash him and then his arms were empty as she laughed teasingly and swam away from him. Brian eyed her and pretended to look offended before he dove beneath the water again. He could hear her above him begging him not to scare her by leaping up randomly again, however she did not get her wish.

Brian easily caught her with the element of surprise and she playfully tried to struggle in vain as he tightened his arms about her and began to kiss her.

“Gotcha,” he said. “And now you’re mine.”

“Oh no Brian. I think I’m the one who has you.”

“Brian? Brian, I’m talking to you buddy!”

Brian turned his dreamy eyes and suddenly saw that AJ had seated himself beside Brian on the wall beside the beach. It took a moment for his brain to disengage from the memories of the dream last night and to focus on reality with AJ and his friends.

“Hi AJ,” he greeted.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” AJ frowned at him. “You’re so quiet and hardly moving! You get up, you sit out here and then you crawl back to bed at like seven at night! It’s not like you. Normally you’re goofing with Nick.”

“I guess I’m just preoccupied with things,” Brian said.

He could not stop thinking about Karine or their midnight forest. He dreaded awakening from the dream every morning. He did not want to be in this waking world when she was somewhere else that he could only touch within his dreams.

AJ cast his eyes about the beach, as I trying to find some reason for his friend’s strange behaviour. His gaze lingered upon the sea that reflected the bright sunlight. “The sea is kinda beautiful isn’t it? It’s not often we have the time to spend in somewhere like this.”

“It’s not that great,” Brian said as he shrugged. He thought of the calm pool surrounded by the perfumed lavender and violets that thickly scented the air and clung to Karine’s skin and clothes.

“How can you say that? The weather is like perfect and we’re on a hot beach with the sun beating down on everything!” He chuckled slightly. “Wonder how the hell management expect us to write any songs together when they send us to a place like this. We haven’t done anything except chill out!”

“Mmm,” Brian sighed. He glanced at his watch and with a sinking heart he saw that it had only just scraped past midday. The days went too slowly. He longed for the warm nights in his secret place with his lover.

AJ regarded him carefully. “Are you sick or something? You look pale.”

“I’m fine.” That was a lie of course, he had felt wonderful ever since Karine had first entered his slumber, but ever since the days had been miserable and devoid of any happiness. He needed her with him. He needed her to breathe. Sometimes he sat out on this beach and all he wanted to do was to dive into the deep waves of the sparkling sea and never arise for air. That way he could lose his body in the waking world that dragged him back every morning and sleep forever. He could stay forever with Karine that way.

It was so tempting.

AJ was still staring at him but Brian kept his eyes on the waves that crashed in the sea. It was so different to the magical calmness of the pool he had swum in last night with Karine. He smiled slightly at the sweet memory of her body pressed tightly against his as his mouth pressed passionately against hers. He was trembling at the very thought of seeing her again. She made him happy. She made him smile. She made him complete.

Why did he need anybody else when he had her?

“Hey guys!” a voice suddenly yelled.

“Nick, you have like the biggest mouth on the entire planet!” AJ laughed. “What’s up?”

Nick thumped down beside Brian and rolled his eyes at the lack of response form his friend. “You still fantasising about this mystery girlfriend?” he asked playfully.

“Girlfriend?” AJ’s head shot up. “Brian, you never told me you had a girlfriend! Who is it?”

“He won’t tell me,” Nick said as he watched a tiny crab toiling over the beach just below them. “I’ve never seen him with anyone since we got here. I don’t think she even exists!” He laughed slightly as he nudged Brian.

Brian glared at him, his eyes hardening. Karine was real. She was more real than anything he had ever known. She wasn’t just a dream. He couldn’t live if she was just a dream. “What the hell do you know about it?” he snapped.

“Woah he was only kidding!” AJ said. “And you must admit that it sounds suspicious. You’ve done nothing but mope around in this creepy way since we got here! It’s almost like you dreamed this girl up!”

“Shut the fuck up AJ!” Brian screamed as he jumped to his feet. “You know nothing about her and you never will because she’s mine!”

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Nick said. “Brian, what’s going on with you?”

Brian ignored them totally as he jumped down to the beach and began to head away from their beach house where they could not disturb him from the beautiful thoughts of Karine and his dreams. They did not understand. They had changed recently. He had noticed it when he met Karine that all four of his brothers were dull. Hey had not seen the joys he had seen and each day he grew more irritated with them.

Now they were accusing him of living in a dream. But thois wasn’t a dream. This was real. She was real.

He wondered along the sandy shore of the beach, glad that AJ and Nick had decided not to follow him. He did not need them when he had Karine.

When he was far enough away from the beach house management had hired for them while they song wrote together he kicked off hi sneakers and trod barefoot against the hot sand. He tried to imagine that it was the cool grass of the forest beneath him and that the iwld ocean was the pond beside the lulling waterfall. He closed his eyes against the hot sunlight, preferring the soothing dark of the midnight sky and the fant stars with the shimmering moonlight. He breathed deeply but here there was no flowers and only the salty smell of the sea and the harsh, dusty sand.

He hated this world. He had once loved the beaches but now he wondered how he had ever felt that way. Once he had looked at the blue and white sky and thought it was beauty, but it was nothing compared to his dream world. Nothing.

For hours he wondered along the beach, but eventually he reached a spot where the cliffs closed in and he could not venture any further unless he risked swimming out into the wild waters.

He shrugged and begun to head back towards the beach house. In his head he recalled Karine’s voice and the song she had sang for him. He had not understood the language when he first heard it but strangely as he thought it over he realised that he could understand it. She had been singing of her love for him in her own native language.

She was not human. Nothing human could have the beauty she possessed and nothing in the waking world could give him so much pleasure when it touched him. She was like a fairy queen or a marvellous enchantress. Brian was only too happy to succumb to her enchantment.

He was pleased to see that his walk had driven most of the day away from him and the sun had begun to sink in the sky. He sighed in content as he climbed the steps to the beach house, imaging the dream that awaited him in his bed.

As soon as he pushed the door open he saw Kevin washing up the plates. He looked up as Brian entered. “Where have you been all day? AJ and Nick said you stormed off. You shouldn’t go off alone you know.”

“There’s no fans around,” Brian said simply.

“Yeah, but there’s cliffs around. I know you’re not stupid but just at least let us know. We never know if there are fans around.”

Brian shrugged, not really caring. “Sure.”

“We’re going out for dinner to this restaurant Howie found today.”

“I’ve got a headache. I think I’ll just go to bed.”

“Brian, you didn’t have breakfast. Did you eat while you were out?” Kevin asked staring at him in concern. “You look… ill.”

“I’m fine.” He tried his hardest not to snap and feigned a smile.

“Okay,” Kevin shrugged. “You nee any aspirin?”

“I just need sleep.”

“Been out in the sun too long.”

“I guess.”

Kevin turned back to tidying up and Brian grinned and ran for the stairs, eager for sleep. He only ended up running into Nick as he tried to dash along the landing.

“Brian, you coming out with us?” he asked, his voice slightly icy after their fight earlier.

“No. I don’t feel well. I’m going to bed.”

“Going to spend it with your fantasy girl?” Nick scorned.

Brian wrenched open his bedroom door. “None of your business,” he snapped before slamming the door shut.


* * * * * * * * * * * * * *


Brian lie on his back amid a thick clump of purple moss which was filled with tiny, star shaped pink flowers that shone when they caught the moonlight above. His blue eyes stared above him and reflected the heavens above him as they turned over his head in an endless cycle of beauty.

Beside him was his beautiful Karine, her hand clasped within his own. Tonight she was wearing pale blue trousers that were almost transparent and she was clad in a blue top to match. Her dark hair lay messily tangled about her shoulders as it had done since they had made love earlier.

He felt so much better being with her. It was like he belonged in this world instead of his own. He had been so tense all day and with just a few touches she had made him completely relax in her arms so that he became hers. He had melted into her body, breathing in and living for her scent and taste as he kissed her skin. He had forgotten all of his troubles in those moments when she caressed him and pulled him to her. She owned him now.

He sighed deeply and squeezed her hand in his own as he continued to gaze up at the night above him. It was so much better than the harsh sunlight in his own world. Everything in Karine’s world was better. He had never before seen such a thick, velvety blackness of midnight that could pull him up into it and mesmerise him totally. He had never before felt so much pleasure as he swam in that cool water that soothed every part of him. In his world when it rained he was sad and depressed and would do whatever he could to avoid getting caught out in it. Here though when it rained it was soft and gentle. It was cool and refreshing for his soul and he would stand out in the forest with his arms open in greeting to the clean water from above.

The beach today the others had said was beautiful, but they could never comprehend true beauty that was in the form of this forest. You had to be here to feel the softness of the green plants and the warm breeze against your flushed skin while you kissed and touched your lover.

He thought of Nick and the others. Why had he suddenly felt so hostile towards them and his waking life? Nick was supposed to be his best friend and he’d had countless fun with him before. His brow furrowed slightly as he realised that he couldn’t remember any of the fun things he had shared with Nick or the others. All he remembered was hard work and stress…

Just like a dream dissolves in the waking world, his waking life was disappearing because of this dream world. He was forgetting more about his friends and former happiness with every dream. He just did not realise he was losing it all.

“Do you think of me when you wake up?” Karine asked as she cuddled closer to his bare shoulder.

Brian turned to smile at her. “Every second. I hate my waking life compared to this dream world.”

She slowly sat up and stared at him. “You’re losing your life in that world because of me.”

Brian tilted his head, slightly puzzled by her words. He wasn’t losing his life. He was still alive. What did she mean? He smiled. “It’s worth it,” he whispered. “I love you.” He sat up and kissed her.

She did not respond. “Your friends love you,” she said sadly. “I should not be taking you away from them, or your family.”

Brian rolled his eyes. “I don’t care about them.”

“How can you say that? When we first met you spoke so highly of them.”

Brian shrugged. He didn’t seem to remember much about them. He just assumed that they were not that important anymore and that they never had been.

“You’re changing in your waking world. You’re becoming a part of my world.”

“Good.” He wrapped his arms about her and pulled her in for a kiss. He would rather die in the waking world so that he could stay forever with her.

She smiled tenderly but there was a hint of sadness within her eyes. “I feel guilty.”

“What about?” he asked while placing delicate kisses over her soft skin. “I hate the waking world.”

She closed her eyes. “Do you love me?”

Brian’s mouth fell open. “Of course I do!” How could this not be love? How could it not be love when she filled his head constantly and when he breathed her he felt ready to explode in joy and happiness.

“Are you sure?”

He stared into her eyes and saw tears there. “What’s wrong baby?” he asked as he stroked her hair.

She clasped his hand in her own and held it against her face before tenderly kissing his fingers. “I love you. You’re so kind and gentle. You make me feel like nobody else ever has.” She sighed. “I can see into your waking world sometimes in my dreams, just like you see into mine through yours. My people so rarely let people to see our world properly like I have allowed you to. I first saw you in my dream a week ago and you were so beautiful. I loved you in that moment and I knew I had to have you. I spent days trying to draw you into my world while you slept and then finally I succeeded.”

“That was my first dream of you,” Brian whispered, thinking of that first magical experience.

She nodded. “I want you to be mine. But that means leaving your own world behind.”

“I’d willingly do that. I don’t need that world. I want to be with you. Only you.” He kissed her on the mouth. “The others don’t matter.”

“You’re forgetting them.”

Brian looked puzzled. “No I’m not. I would know if I was.”

But how can you remember if you’ve forgotten something? How can you notice when you don’t remember what life was like before?

In sleep you hold me close,
I see you, I breathe you,
I feel you in my mind.
But when I wake,
Where are you to be found?
Are you real my love?
Or do I only dream of you?


The reflection stared back at him, a pale face with weary, red eyes. He placed a hand up against the smooth surface of the mirror, disliking the eerie, vacant light that dulled his eyes. It was as if a piece of him was missing when he was not with Karine.

He pushed the thought away. Tonight he would be back in her arms, breathing in her perfume and tasting her kisses in his mouth. Maybe some day things would change so that he need not even venture into this pain filled waking world anymore.

He splashed cool water onto his skin, shivering unpleasantly at the coldness that prickled his skin. It felt rough upon his face and chilling, so unlike the refreshing velvety pool in Karine’s beautiful world that he was used to feeling upon him.

There was a sudden knocking at the door, startling Brian like a wild rabbit that had just heard the hunter’s fatal shot across the perilous field. Why did everything in this strange, waking place seem frightening and unnatural to him?

He dried himself on a pale, coarse towel as he turned towards the bathroom door, but he felt no desire to open it. The would only force him to go out with them or insist that he spend time outside or that he ate something. He did not want to be with them. He wanted to be alone to indulge himself in pleasant thoughts of Karine. He was happier alone with memories of her.

“Brian!” Kevin’s voice called as he banged on the door again. “You’ve been in there for over an hour! We only have one bathroom you know!”

Brian did not reply as he gazed out of the frost patterned window to the distorted, mingled splodges of sea and sand. Bright sunlight flickered through the window, the golden fingers trying to tempt Brian with the promise of a beautiful day awaiting him outside in the warm air.

It meant nothing to him anymore. A sunny beach of a thousand brown and gold hues could not pull his soul away from his dream world and lover Karine. He dreaded his entrance into this world now, dreaded being separated from Karine. He longed for the thick moonlight filtering into a dark forest full of the sweet smelling flowers and the soft trickle of the waterfall.

“Brian!” Kevin yelled again, banging even more furiously.

Brian barely heard him as he thought about Karine. He could picture the curves of her slender body, the soft flowing dark hair that danced about her shoulders and the mysterious eyes that put such a fierce spell of love and desire upon him.

Everyone else was insignificant now compared to her. No one was as smart or able to capture his ears with their voice. He needed her. He did not want to be trapped in this ugly world where his body stubbornly remained and dragged his mind back to every morning.

“Brian! Brian, you’re freaking me out now? Are you okay?” Kevin screamed.

“Leave him alone,” came Nick’s scorning voice. “He’s probably jacking off and fantasising about his imaginary girlfriend!”


* * * * * * *


Darkness surrounded Brian as his mind slipped into deep unconsciousness and he felt an overgrown, cobbled path beneath his toes. He smiled, keeping his eyes tightly closed as a sweet aroma of lilacs began to lightly ruffles his senses.

The dreams were coming to him much easier now. The second he lie down in the comforting dark of his room, the curtains shut to seal away any light that remained outside, he could feel the forest pulling at his soul. However the long, summer days were becoming increasingly more difficult for him to live through. The hours dragged on and the days were unbearable with the amount of light they shed upon the earth. Each evening Brian would have to find a new excuse to slip off to bed early. The others now annoyed him with their prattle of the pretty sea and tender village down the road. The local girls they spoke of would always seem dull and imperfect females compared to Karine. She was so beautiful that even the sun riding upon golden rays of sunbeams in the blue sky could not compare nor take her from his mind. She was still the only thing he saw when his eyes drifted closed and hers was the only voice he wanted to hear.

He opened his eyes as he felt a breeze blowing across his face and the sound of the trickling waterfall dancing through the air reached his ears. He shivered for a moment as he clasped his arms over his chest as the wind fearsomely tugged at him and sent cold chills through his body. The forest was cold this twilit evening but that did not matter. He would soon have Karine to hold in his arms and to keep him warm.

He happily stepped carefully across the path, careful not to trip on the uneven, craggy stones and he soon emerged into the clearing by the pool. Water splashed joyfully down the rocks at the far end to sprinkle into the pool, but tonight there was no sparkle upon the surface from the moon and the water rippled as the wind blew its zephyr breath upon it.

He seated himself on one of the flat stones by the water’s edge, hot after soaking up the sun’s rays during the day, and leaned over so that he could see his distorted reflection in the quivering water. He smiled slightly at the shimmer he saw within his own eyes, a glow that he had not seen for a long time. Love. He was in love.

He sighed deeply, his body already trembling at the expectation of seeing Karine again. It was becoming much harder to leave her and this world for his own. He could feel his own life in reality slipping away from him slowly as he wasted the days by longing for the night, but he could not stop.

A few faint stars coldly glowed in front of him as the water reflected their light, but they were suddenly extinguished from the twilight gloom when a thick layer of cloud rumbled across to the sky to obscure them in it’s mist.

Curiously he turned his gaze to the heavens and was greeted by a light patter of cold rain. He shivered as the drops gained speed and began to plummet more violently to the ground, ruining and destroying his tranquil pool by smashing and breaking up the surface.

The forest seemed to rapidly grow darker and a loud echo of thunder rolled across the land, bawling its wrath like a lion does before leaping upon its frail prey.

He stood up as a crack of lightning illuminated the cloudy sky above, his hair now dripping with rain of its own as they drops scurried down his face. His teeth were chattering as his thin clothes absorbed the rain and he clasped his arms about him to try and preserve what little body warmth remained.

The rain hurt his face as it pelted it ruthlessly, forcing him to bow his had to the powerful assault that nature flung at him. Drops of rain hit the ground so hard that it made a drumming sound to accompany the cacophony of thunder and the harsh glare of lightning’s cruel eyes. The pleasant sound of the waterfall had now accelerated to a fearsome rush and roar that now longer soothed, but send a ripple of fear through him.

He turned frantically to stare about him but a thick wall of rainwater and darkness now engulfed the ugly, wet forest, crushing the flowers beneath its weight and beating the long grass into obedience.

He dashed towards the shelter of the tall trees, but still the rain found him. He weakly cowered beneath a leafy oak and above him he heard the pursuit of water.

He peered into the gloom of the forest. It was no longer friendly and the leaves now seemed dark and unfriendly as they grinned at him from the shadows. The flowers were closed and sealed in brown buds and beneath his feet was the stench of rotting leaf mould and fungi.

Lightening strode proudly across the sky shedding light upon the unwelcoming forest for a moment but in no corner could Brian see her beckoning to him.

“Karine!” he screamed into the night. “Karine!”

His heart hurt as thunder roared in the cloudy sky, almost as if it were bellowing rage at the strange intruder that it had suddenly realised was sneaking into its realm and canoodling with its precious child.

What if she was hurt? Something here had gone wrong surely?

His dream world had taken a dark turning and the branches above were twisted into ugly contortions that were slowly being strangled and suffocated by life sucking ivy and once beautiful honeysuckle.

“Karine!” he was desperate.

He could hear his hard breathing and for a moment his mind whirled in nausea at the thought of being separated from her. His breath clouded the air as cold brushes of ice painted his body and teased him with shivers.

He turned about him, the rain suddenly finding a way through the jigsaw canopy and falling delightfully upon his already dripping head. He furiously pushed his fringe back and began to run through the forest, but everything seemed determined to hinder him. The saturated ground wriggled beneath him and he slipped on the wet mud to stumble clumsily to the ground. He stared at his hands and saw that they were now coated in brown slime.

He groaned slightly as he pulled himself back to his feet… and then suddenly she was standing in front of him, her dark hair wet from the rain but still being blown about her shoulders by the wind.

She looked like a bringer of death. Her pale form was clad in a long black dress that reached to the muddy ground below her feet. A black veil shielded most of her face from his eyes.

He smiled in relief, his eyes closing and a tear working its way down his cheek. He had been frightened that the inclement weather was a foreboding omen about Karine. She seemed to be merged with the forest, but what had caused this storm now? What caused the cold wind to tears at his skin to rub it red raw and to coat him in a heavy rain of grief and coldness?

“Karine,” he whispered, his arms seeking to enclose her in his arms and pull her close to protect her form the vicious onslaught of weather.

She stepped back away from him, her head bowed low beneath the veil. At the same moment, the coldness finally reached Brian’s heart, shuddering inside of him like a deranged sickness had enclosed it within piercing talons.

The lightening tore open the sky in a terrible wrath of white and yellow pain and he saw her face for a moment. He saw her darkened lips coated with misery and they tears that slid from her melancholy eyes. Her lisp parted to speak, but Brian did not want to hear them.

He felt sick. Dizzy. Dead…

It was over.

“Brian, I can’t see you again,” she whispered softly, so soft that he barely heard her over the scream of the rain and the groan of thunder.

His fingers were ripping into the palms of his hands. He could feel blood seeping from his veins, but what did he care? He needed some way of dragging the pain out of his blood that his bruised heart pushed about him.

He shook his head. “No… Karine… no… Please God no!”

“I can’t see you again,” she said, her warm breath clouding in the cold air before vanishing in the rain. “I can’t do this to you anymore.”

His hands were stretched out like a sick and dying man whose only source of hope lies in front of him. She was his only hope.

He love burned him inside, but burned him a beautiful array of light and warmth and fizzed through him to burst into a bubble of lush joy and delight. She was the reason he lived through the dull days in his own world, she was the reason he lived, breathed, slept… she was everything.

“Karine…” Tears. Hot tears streaked his face before the rain mocked them by showering him with its own polluted water, cold and searing and full of icy truth. She was leaving. He would be alone.

“I can’t stand by and watch you be destroyed in your world,” she said, her eyes never once meeting his.

He was gasping in pain, a physical pain and split open his heart as the emotions sought to escape and scream in fury. He shook his head frantically. “You can’t destroy me!” he cried. “You complete me! We belong together like night and day!”

“Brian!” Her voice was filled with a sob. “I love you!”

Her honeyed voice was filled with sincerity and warm emotion that would normally have swept his mouth to hers in a sweet kiss, but now it only brought a wrenching to his soul.

“I love you!” he screamed.

He had never known love until now… never known that what he had felt with other girls before could be amplified so much that his very heart seemed to float inside of him and a feeling that drew his feet off of the mortal ground of physical existence. He loved her. She loved him.

“I want to be with you!” he yelled as he seized her hands possessively in his own, her gloved fingers entangling with his own to connect them in the way that they fit so perfectly together. “I would die for you!” Blood spiralled from the cuts on his hands, but it could not reach her skin because of the gloves that kept them apart.

“I don’t want you to!” she wailed. “You’re dying in your own world! Each moment you spend her is killing you in your own world! You must have noticed the way you have changed! You’re paler, your eyes are dull! You are dying because of me! You can’t live here! You don’t belong here! It will kill you in your world if you stay!”

“But I want to stay!” Brian jabbered, hardly hearing a single word that drifted from her voice to him.

He was the bee and she was the sweetest nectar that he needed to survive. Without her, he would grow old and palsied and die of a fractured heart, divided as the most vital part turned away from him now.

“I love you so much Brian!” she cried as she pulled him close and kissed his lips through the thin barrier of her veil. “I love you and that is why I cannot let you die! I cannot take you away from your world because you love it and your friends!”

“No I don’t! They are nothing!” His voice was filled with rage at the thought of them. It was because of them and his pathetic existence in his foul, waking world that he could not inhabit paradise with Karine and live forever in the overpowering waves warm crested waves of love.

“Listen to yourself! How can you say that? You love them, but this world is changing you! You can’t stay, you can’t stay! I will not let you be destroyed!”

He was clinging to her like a tiny child to its mother. His fingers had wound themselves about her wrists and he refused to let go of the only sunbeam that glided through the misty, damp valley of his life. She turned her hands over and unclenched his desperate fingers.

“I’m sorry Brian,” she whispered.

Brian shook his head. “No! No! We belong!”

She shook her head. “You are in one world, I the other! How can we belong?” She released his wrists and then pushed him back a few paces.

Brian gave strangled sob, not afraid to cry in front of her. His knees were swaying as they dissolved into nothingness. If only his pain could so easily disappear.

He found himself hitting the wet floor below, throwing up chunks of damp, rotting leaves.

He was screaming in pain and he clutched at his heart as the a deep, crumpling pain seemed to take hold there before rapidly spreading to consume every part of him until his entire body was quivering in agony.

He raised his head to the dark, black canopy and as lightening flickered pathetically once more he saw the deep crevasses in the clouds above. The rain eased up, but watery tears still flowed warmly down his wet cheeks.

Karine leant down on the ground and clasped his hands again with one of hers. Her other hand reached out and stroked his face soothingly.

“You are so beautiful. I will always think of you,” she murmured as she kissed one of his hands.

Brian sniffed miserably and leant closer to her, burying his face in the black veil by her neck and pressing his lips closely to her, desperate to somehow taste the sweetness of her skin.

She reached out and pushed the veil back for a brief moment to reveal her red, tears filled eyes. He watched one tear roll down her cheek and he delicately swept it away with his one hand before tilting her face to kiss her deeply.

Her hands tangled in his hair and the warm passion he felt almost lifted him above the ground. He tried not to let her pull away, but a vital need for air and life forced them apart. Whimpering he leant closer, needing her kisses again and she allowed him to place a soft, loving kiss upon her lips once more.

Her arms suddenly began to draw them apart. “Brian, goodbye my love,” she whispered gently.

He looked at her through a shimmering barrier of tears and pain and then he felt darkness closing in about him to drag him away from the forest. He heard the waking world about him mingled with the last moan of the wind in Karine’s world.

“Karine!” he screamed. “No! Don’t!” he was begging her…

But it still did nothing to prevent the parting. Her hands were removed form him and his lips were suddenly cold and alone in misery. Blood trickled from his hands where his fingernails had tore open cuts and the liquid dribbled through his knuckles. He was sucked out of the forest and everything rushed about him in a nauseating whirl of images and nightmares as his heart and soul were pulled from their true home and ripped apart for the world to see what grief lie within.

The room was clad in an oppressive darkness with the thick, navy curtains hung across the window to ward away the unwanted sunlight outside. There was no sound except for the incessant sobbing and moans of despair.

He was lying on the cold floor with his arms wrapped about his knees to clutch them to his aching chest beneath a blue blanket and a plump pillow, trying to pretend that it was her that he held in his arms and kissed.

But it wasn’t.

Ever since he had been forcefully pushed away from Karine’s world he had wept his tears. His chest felt empty. Empty except for the bruised heart that shook with grief inside each time it shuddered with a terrible beat of life.

Brian felt as if a part of him had died. He could not breathe without pain ripping across his stomach because each breath would only prolong his suffering. How could he live in this world now when he had savoured sweet heaven itself?

He wanted to die. Death would bring a warming, beautiful oblivion that could sweep his soul up and rescue him from his torture.

A part of him almost wished that he had never met Karine or dreamt of her lush world of water and love. At least then he would be innocent to the pain he was feeling now. He had broken up with girls before, but nothing had ever left him feeling like this. Nothing had ever made him break down and cry like he was a child again.

He was plagued with her face and her body as if she were a disease that would not cease its feverish hold upon him.

“What did you do to me?” he whispered. “I loved you and you destroyed me.” From the moment he had met her, he had felt something enter his mind and now he had never been able to have peace without being with her. She was his addiction. He needed her. He needed her touch, her smile, her love. He was scared about what would happen now. He did not want to live in this world where he would be trapped by its ugly limitations. He needed his imaginary world. Imaginary? Was it only imagination?

Then why could he not let go?

“Are you real?” he whispered. “Or only my fantasy?”

He had no idea what he was going to do. He raised his head slowly and saw that the razor blade was still lying upon the table. He kept looking at it, he couldn’t help himself.

So tempting…

He slowly staggered to his feet again and limped weakly over to the table. He picked up the blade and turned it over and over in his hands. What did it feel like when the blade sliced through the soft tissue of the skin? His clammy hand gripped the handle tightly and he closed his eyes as he breathed deeply. He ran a finger over the blade and winced as something cut it. Instinctively he dropped the razor and turned his attention to sucking the tip of his finger to ease the pain. Pain was all he felt now. He felt nothing when he heard the voices of his friends or thought of his family. He felt nothing when he had looked out the window and saw the sun drenching everything in a delicious coat of shimmering gold.

He looked back down at the blade. In one cut he could peacefully sleep and never wake to this pain filled world again…

He closed his eyes and dug his stubby fingernails into the palms of his hands. He was a coward. It would be so easy and yet he was already trembling at the fear of God’s wrath if he took his own life.

‘Coward, coward! Stupid Brian!’

“Brian?” There was a knock at his locked bedroom door. “Brian, are you in here?” Nick asked.

Brian glared at the door but ignored it as he instead crossed to his bed and wrapped himself up in the covers. He wiped his red cheeks as more tears began to dribble. They were sore now, but the tears were still thrusting their way through, squeezing malevolently to stain his pale face.

Nick banged harder on the door. “Open up! I know you’re in there!” The handle bounced as Nick tried to push his way in. He wouldn’t get very far. Brian had locked it.

“Brian! I swear to God if you don’t open this door I’ll break it down myself!” Nick yelled furiously. “I could have gone swimming with the others but I stayed behind because I’m worried about your sorry ass! Let me in!”

Brian raised his head from the pillows. “Go away!” he screamed hatefully before throwing himself back down upon his covers and wrapping himself within the duvet. Maybe he could suffocate himself.

There was no reply from Nick and Brian felt his heart beating in anger at the intrusion. He needed time to be alone. They wouldn’t understand him now.

“Brian, I’ve got the spare key. Are you going to let me in or do I have to let myself in?” Nick asked.

“Drop dead,” Brian whispered to himself.

The room was silent for a moment except for Brain’s laboured breathing and sniffs of misery while a fat, heavy assault of tears trickled down his face.

His heart stilled for a moment as he heard the click of a key turning in the lock. He closed his eyes and lie perfectly still, trying to feign the death and oblivion that he longed for so much.

“Brian, what’s wrong?” Nick asked.

“I thought I told you to go away,” Brian snapped harshly. His voice was a croak, betraying the emotions that were content to chew him to pieces inside.

“I’m worried about you.”

“I don’t care. Leave me alone.” He did not even look up at him.

“Brian, who was she? Did she hurt you?”

“Shut up!” Brian screamed angrily as he jumped to his feet and threw the pillow at Nick’s head.

The blond caught the weapon and tossed it back to the bed. “What’s happened to you?”

“Nothing! Nothing! Why won’t you just get out of my life!” his voice was a frantic scream, as if he were blaming Nick for Karine. He had to blame someone. Someone had to be responsible for all of this! “I don’t want your sympathy, I don’t want this life! Leave me alone to die!” Tears rolled down his face in angry torrents as he tried to shove Nick out of the way, but his arms were pathetically weak.

“Brian!” Nick cried as he grabbed his friend’s arm. “Brian, talk to me!”

“No! Go away! Go away!” Brian wanted to push him but he was trembling and then he was sobbing again. His legs hurt and he realised that he was sinking to the ground.

Nick had suddenly wrapped his arms about him to stop him from falling and Brian clung to him like a babe to its mother’s arms. He pressed his head against Nick’s warm chest and cried the tears within.

She had left him, but why? It was perfect… They were perfect together.

“Shush, it’s all right,” Nick whispered. “It’s okay.” His arms rubbed Brian’s back softly. “I’m sorry I yelled at you. I-I’m just worried. You’re acting so strange.”

“She left me Nick,” Brian sobbed. “She left me.”

“Who did?”

“My dream girl.”

“There’s other girls.”

“Not like her… Nick, she was in my dreams! I dreamed of her every night and now she’s left me!”

“What do you mean ‘she was in your dreams’? You mean that it was just a dream you had?” Nick frowned slightly and Brian realised with horror that his secret was out.

‘Congratulations, you’ve now freaked your friend and he’ll be packing you off to see the psychiatrist by the weekend.’

Brian shook his head. “No, it was so much more. I dreamt of her every night but they were so real! I have never experienced anything like that before. I could feel her, I could breathe the warm air and hear everything…” He trailed off. Something cold shook his body and prickled the skin on his arms. “Nick, do you think I’m crazy?” he asked quietly, his voice a fearful whisper.

Was he crazy?

He thought of the perfumed wood with the wet leaves and dewy grass beneath his feet. Then there was the dainty flowers which scented the air with sweet aromas and the clam trickling of the cool water that could calm heated skin and wash over him so smoothly.

How could he have dreamed something so beautiful? It was like another world that he had stepped into or a forbidden paradise where human eyes should not gaze because they would become like Brian; consumed with misery and a longing for something that he could now never have.

Nick regarded him carefully and Brian could see the emotions running through his eyes, before concern for his friend’s tearful appearance finally took over. “No,” Nick said. “I think at some point everyone will have a dream that they become attached to, but you have to realise that they are just dreams and not reality.”

Brian pulled away from Nick and gazed up at him. “You’re wrong Nick. You have no idea how real these are. How could id ream of the same girl over and over again?” He watched Nick’s eyes, waiting for some reaction but he saw nothing that could help him. He turned away from him and folded his arms as he stared at the curtained window. “Maybe I am crazy.”

“Maybe you’ve just been shutting yourself away too much,” Nick suggested. “Look at you, you’re pale, you’ve lost wait, you don’t eat… Why don’t we go grab a snack? You’ll feel better after.”

Brian shook his head. With Karine when he was hungry, they would pick ripe grapes from vines near the river. No fruit in this world could burst against his tongue to leave such a bittersweet taste in his mouth and it all seemed so unpalatable now.

He was changed forever. He remembered how he’d ad a life before here with his friends, his family, his job but now he hated all that. It was like he was stuck in a nightmare here.

“Brian, come on,” Nick said.

“No, I want to sleep.”

Sleep… He had to find Karine and make her explain. He had to show her how much he cared, how much he loved her. He would die for her if he had to. She loved him as well, he knew that so why had she broken up with him? Was there someone else?

His heart stung as if a spear had impaled it to leave it dead and bleeding. No… there couldn’t be. She had promised him that he was her only. She wouldn’t do that…

But what if someone had made her?

Nick sighed slightly as he came to stand just behind Brian. “She’s only a dream. She doesn’t exist.”

“You don’t understand.”

“I understand that it’s changing you. This is your life Brian, here and now. Don’t waste it by chasing after a fantasy. Dreams are nice sometimes, but that’s all they are.”

“It’s real Nick. It’s like I’m being pulled into another world. I can’t describe it and I know it sounds nuts. I love her. I fell in love with a dream and I don’t know how.” He turned back to his friend. “I’m scared,” he whispered. “I don’t know how to live anymore.”

Nick approached him and placed his hands upon Brian’s shoulders. “People have vivid dreams sometimes… or maybe you’re right and that there is something more happening here. I don’t think you should pursue it though,” Nick warned. “Look what state it’s put you in.”

“I’m fine. I think I’m just tired and confused. I’d like to be on my own,” he replied as he turned from Nick again. He could not face the outside world again for the moment. Now he loathed it for putting such a fierce barrier between himself and his heart.

“Brian - ”

“I’m not crazy. I don’t need a shrink. I need space,” Brian defended. If Nick had seen what Brain had, then he would understand why it was so hard to let go.

“All right, I’ll leave you here for now but tomorrow you’re coming out,” Nick warned. “This whole thing is spooky. It’s almost like this dream girl has cast an evil spell upon you to make you forget your life.”

She had certainly enchanted him in some magical way because even now Brian could not banish her face or her voice from his mind.

Nick paused for a moment as he stood by the door before turning back. “You say you’re not crazy,” he said. “But you soon will be if this carries on for much longer.”




* * * * * * * *


Brian trembled slightly as he felt the wind blowing gently against his skin. He hardly dared to move in case he was somehow dragged back into his own world.

He was here. Back in Karine’s forest.

Sleep had not come easily and he had been afraid to awaken and find that he had not dreamed at all, but here he was. After hours of crying in the dark he was finally rewarded with the great sensation of being free.

He heard the call of an owl as it swooped across the sky and he carefully opened his eyes, smiling and gasping in relief as he found that he was lying on his back in the midnight forest.

He was home, home with Karine where he belonged.

The grief that had squatted heavily in his chest all day seemed to lift in a light cloud of mist. For the first time he smiled and his trembles were no longer caused from horror or pain as he pushed himself to his feet.

He inhaled deeply and the now familiar aroma of the forest pervaded his nostrils and left him feeling light headed with joy. The sorrow of his parting was washed away as he gazed about him with wide eyes. He could hear the melody of the waterfall as it sang in a trickling tune of its own on the wind.

Anxiously stared about him. As usual the leaves were bright and healthy as they waved in the breeze and flowers had opened up to gaze at the light of the round moon overhead.

“Karine!” he called excitedly as he dashed through the forest, his bare toes sinking into the plump grass. “Karine!”

He leapt over a bright cluster of bluebells and emerged into the clearing by the pool, but Karine was nowhere in sight.

Something deep inside of him began to throb in fear and his heart jerked inside of him to emit sickening waves of nausea that crumpled his stomach. He felt cold as sweat began to bead along his forehead.

“Karine?” he whispered to the wind.

Slowly he dragged his feet to the edge of the pool and collapsed in a heap beside it. He curled himself up as an unpleasant knife began to laughingly prod at his heart, cawing in delight as each blow weakened it all the more.

His eyes had grown heavy as he realised that she was not going to come to him. The gateway to her world may still be open, but she was gone. She had abandoned him.

He stared up at the stars above him, the icy patterns bright as jewels in the warm darkness. He felt the first rain of tears begin to fall and he lowered his head from the light as if empty blackness could somehow conceal all that he felt.

He sobbed slightly as he thought of her in his arms. He was never going to hold her close again. She would never how he was feeling.

There was only the suddenly chill wind and the cascading water to hear his sobs and witness his torment as memories of Karine tore him apart inside.

He used to be happy.

Once when the sunset glowed in the sky amongst a bed of fiery orange clouds he had smiled at the beauty while the light bathed his face in the pale light, but now he thrived on darkness. In the dark he could almost forget that he even existed and there would be no light to illuminate his pain.

When he had awoken this morning he had cried again while holding a pillow close to muffle the sobs. If only the pain and love could be so easily quietened as well.

‘Why? Why, why, why?’

There had been little romantic happiness in his life. His heart was a fragile thing and had been so easily smashed and broken when a lover’s words turned out to be meaningless lies that were all aimed at entrapping the famous Brian Littrell.

Karine was different to them. She loved him for who he was. For once there was no talk of money or fame. For once it was just about loving him and making him happy.

He used to be happy, but now the monstrous hole of misery had gripped him tightly and was refusing to release his soul. All he could do was cry now and pray that somehow she would hear them and return to rescue him and his love for her.

His eyes stung after the hours of tears and were now red and swollen in comparison to the paleness of his deathly skin. He had wanted to hide away in the darkened sanctuary of his room, but Nick had ruthlessly dragged him away and forced him to sit in the kitchen where the wide windows let in the joyful shafts of sunlight. Here he could not use the darkness to hide form his pain.

“Look at you!” Nick had thundered. “Brian, you have to stop this! It’s like it’s killing you!”

Of course it was killing him. Karine had become a part of his a body, a vital life source that he needed in order to survive in the harsh world. It hurt to breathe when he thought about her.

He was seated at the huge, light brown table with his hands resting lightly upon the surface. He could feel it beneath his fingers, but above all was the heavy feeling that slowly crushed his heart until he wanted to scream in fear that it would explode leaving nothing inside of him.

At least he was alone now though. He had wanted to return to his room but Nick was watching him from the beach. Every few minutes the blond would look up to check that Brian was still in the kitchen where he could see them from the huge windows. At least he had not told the others about his ‘dream girl’ though. They merely thought that he was ill.

The light wind outside carried their joyful voices through the open window and to Brian’s ears. He could AJ’s loud laughter mingled with Howie’s as they simultaneously tackled Nick for the ball which he was trying to shoot into the goal made up of cheap, plastic bottles. Eventually Nick was tumbling to the ground throwing up a cloud of sand as he did. The others laughed wildly before charging off with the ball down the opposite end of the pitch they had set up on the beach.

Dusk had set in upon the sky now and the hues of pink and orange had splattered the once blue sky with the hues of sunset that only made the sands shine even more golden. After such a hot day they would almost certainly still be warm to the bare footed walker that wanted to bask in the glorious light of the fading sun.

Once he knew that he would have been eager to dash out onto the warm sands with his friends, although why now was beyond him. He could not remember how he had ever enjoyed himself with the love for Karine heating his heart and fuelling his life.

His fingers traced the lines on the wooden table as he looked away from the blinding light outside. Joyful pleasure was beyond him now that the despair had possessed every part of his aching body.

“Brian, how are you feeling?” Nick’s voice suddenly asked.

Brian ceased running his fingers over the smooth wood. He had not heard Nick’s footsteps or noticed his sudden departure from the game outside. He breathed deeply and felt the burning in his chest. He could see her face in his mind but he could never touch her again. Never was a word too many people took for granted. Now all he had were his friends, but he did not want to be with them. Instead he wanted his lover’s touches on his arms.

“Not too good, huh?” Nick asked as he softly sat down on the stool beside Brian. “Buddy, you gotta get over this. She was just a dream.”

‘Just a dream?’ Brian almost laughed. “Then I must be crazy,” he mumbled. “You don’t understand. You weren’t there.”

And never would be there. Nick could not even hope to understand what Brian had experienced.

“What I understand is that you’re making yourself ill. Whoever or whatever happened to you, forget about it. There’s nothing you can do.”

It was a cold statement, a cold fact. Brian closed his eyes and his skin had begun to quiver as the trembling of his body began. He felt sick. He placed a hand to his forehead and entangled his fingers with the light curls of his fringe. A tear had suddenly found its way out onto his cheek.

There had to be something… He had to be able to fight for the woman he loved. Karine was so special, he could never let her go. He could not forget and he could not move on. He was utterly trapped by her beauty and her love.

A sob spluttered gracelessly from his lips and rubbed a hand over his face. Now he knew how Adam had felt when he had been plucked firm the Garden of Eden. How could a person live after tasting something so sweet and beautiful? He had finally found true love in the form of a girl who understood him, made him smile in the rain and more importantly, someone who loved him for nothing more or less than his own self.

But now she was gone and Brian was left with the raging emotions and the tears of pain. An emptiness had crept into his body. He was numb without his soul mate.

“Nick, I can’t go on like this,” he whispered. “Help me…”

Nick was silent but his arm found its way across Brian’s shoulders. “I don’t know how,” he whispered. “Brian, come outside and play ball with us. Find your life again.”

Life? How?

‘I can’t imagine life without your love…’

He would rather die.

“No, I don’t want my life. I want her. I want to sleep. I want to find her and speak with her.” There had to be some way he could reach her. There had to be somewhere near the forest where she lived and maybe he could find her and talk to her. She loved him, he loved her. The just both had to be prepared to sacrifice everything for each other.

“Brian, no!” Nick said forcefully. “Look what she’s done to you already! You’re practically fading away! You’re nothing like your old self! You have a chance to get out now and live, don’t go back that way again!” Nick had grabbed his arm, his fingers entwining tightly about his wrist. “Don’t,” he repeated.

But Brian could not obey. He was consumed by only one thought, that of Karine. He could feel his passion for her thumping through his veins and if he wanted that feeling to last forever in eternal love, he had to be prepared to take the risk.

What kind of life was there on this world anyway when his heart had lodged itself somewhere else?


* * * * * * * * * * * * *



The thick trees swayed and rustled branches in the slight breeze that softly ruffled the air with light touches and gentle breaths. A few leaves lazily tumbled to the pool that sheltered below and delicately settled to peacefully float upon the surface whilst a nightingale cawed quietly in the darkness of the night.

Brian stood barefooted on the cobbled path staring at the foliage above him that created the canopy. The leaves were beginning to fade to orange as if the dying season of Autumn was attacking the forest now that Karine was no longer here to bless the place with her beauty and sweet nature.

He had to find her. He turned in a circle to stare at the realm that surrounded him. On every side there were bushes of filled with fading flowers that had now wilted or tall trees that towered high. He remembered the way Karine had seemed to appear from on their last meeting and he turned to his left to follow an overgrown path into the midst of the thicker trees.

The ground here was no longer coated in thick grass or leaves but instead was dusty with hard packed earth as the roots stole all the nourishment from the soil, making it impossible for even the tiniest of flowers to nestle beneath their boughs.

He pushed back the heavy branches of one tree that barred his way and slipped into a much denser part of the forest which was alive with thorny brambles that curled and twisted in bizarre shapes. Here the canopy was so thick with heavy leaves that there were no gaps for the moonlight to trickle through to illuminate the way. In parts where the canopy thinned though, the cool light of the moon filtered through to cast green cascades upon the forest floor.

“Karine!” he called, wondering if she could hear his voice. “Karine, I want to talk!”

He knew she had t live somewhere close considering she used to meet him here every night. All he had to do was to find to her and to talk to her. He knew that if they met again he could convince her that their love was forever.

‘If we meet?’ More like when they met… He would die before he abandoned his pursuit of her.

He made his way steadily through the trees, careful not to trip on the tangles of a bramble or the remains of fallen branches. His heart was beating hard in his chest and he could feel sweat dampening his hands as he thought about what tonight could bring for him. Waiting was always the worst part.

‘I need to tell her how I fell. It’s too late to turn away now, I’m already in too deep. She’s so special. So pretty…’

He had to stay calm and controlled, not allowing her to decide what was best for him. He had to be in control so that he could explain that it was his choice. He would not allow himself to break down as he had before. This time, he would not let her walk away. She loved him, why else was he still brought to this land every night? She would not let him go and all he had to do was to make her see that.

He cursed slightly as hi feet slipped on slightly damper patches of ground and every now and then he would wince as something sharp cut into his feet. He knew they were bleeding from the stinging sensation that now assaulted his toes, but he pressed on relentlessly. He had not seen this part of the forest before, having normally remained about the pool when with Karine.

The trees were slightly gloomy in the dark but when the moon did succeed in piercing the heavy canopy, it was ablaze with light. Even without spongy grass and dainty flowers, it still held a beauty that cold take his breath away.

His legs were growing weary now after countless trips over gnarled roots and his feet ached but he was determined not to turn back. Karine had to be somewhere nearby, but what if the night ended before he could find her? He raised his had to peer through a gap in the green canopy and saw that the moon was still riding high in a stream of starlight. He still had a few hours before he was dragged back to his own world and he was now certain that this was more than a dream. He could feel the pain as thorns tore into the skin of his feet and smell the dampness of the forest. Nothing could be this real and yet be a dream.

He breathed deeply for a moment, tired after the long walk but up ahead he smiled as he saw that the trees were beginning to thin and beyond it looked like there was open space…

He began to run, excited by the prospect offending something beyond this forest. He leapt over roots that protruded from the ground as if to prevent him from leaving and finally burst from the edge of the forest.

He was on an open plain of sweet grass that was silk to his feet after the trek through the thorny forest that had given his toes so many bruises. He sighed as he squeezed his toes into the green cushions below and then he noticed what was in front of him.

A magnificent building rose before him proudly in front of the trees like a bold queen addressing her nation. The walls were adorned with the elegant carvings of exotic fruits, flowers and knights fighting fantastical creatures that breathed flames upon their shields. Rising on the pillars were the huge, white angels with arms out and welcoming. Their wings were swept behind them and the sculptor had showed every strand of hair that framed their handsome faces and kind eyes.

Awed he slowly broke from the protective cover of the trees and stared down into the tiny valley where the palace stood. Separating it from the forest was a light grassy slope that led to the well kept gardens below. Marble statues reflected the moonlight and shone in the darkness, their faces forever fixed upon the land around them. The gardens were set in levels, the first being on the same ground of the house and was nothing but grass but steps led down to a lower level which had been covered with stone slabs over. Here the statues sat along with pots of colourful flowers that craned their heads to stare at the moonlight.

The final level was more wild and overgrown, but from his view Brian could see that more angel statues were nestled there, dancing in the lush green of life and protected by veils of flowers. From somewhere close he could hear the trickle of a fountain as the water burbled down the stone.

He took a deep breath and already he could smell the flowers. He sat down for a moment upon the grassy hill that led down to the palace and merely gazed at the place. Before in the forest it had seemed impossible to imagine anything manmade in a place that was ruled by nature and her wildness, but this building was as beautiful as the forest itself that surrounded it.

He took a moment from the high vantage point to survey the rest of Karine’s world. The forest seemed to surround the house but the light of the moon and the thousand glittering stars illuminated the rest o the world. He could see ornate roofs rising in the distance between the tress and far on the horizon half obscured by a twilight mist were the shades of rocky mountains.

“Wow,” he breathed. He imagined what it would be like in other parts of this land. The beauty of the forest had seem incomparable with anything else, but from here he knew at once that the rest of the land was just as enchanting. He wondered what it would be like to see it when the honeyed fingers of the sun touched the land at dawn to spread a veil of golden light. Then he would be able to see the colours of the mountains and the hundreds of different greens he knew that the tress of the forest offered.

Maybe one day he would see it, if he was ever granted his wish and allowed to remain here indefinitely with the woman he loved. Surely God could not frown upon such a desire? Karine was kind and caring, not some wanton whore who was interested in the physicality of any relationship. His own desire for Karine was not based upon sinful lust, but on the love that had burst inside of his heart the moment he had seen her. He wanted to explore that feeling more, knowing that he had never felt something so special with anybody else before.

“Karine,” he whispered. He took a deep breath and then proceeded to cautiously slip down the slope towards the palace walls below. As he drew closer he frowned as he saw that they reached higher than he had originally anticipated and that he would be unable to climb them.

He bit his lip slightly as he reached the wall. He would have to try and head towards the gardens and hope that he could slip into the lower part where he could conceal himself in the wilderness until he was rewarded with a glimpse of Karine. He could then draw her aside to speak with her.

He nodded pleased at his plan and set off along the walls towards the gardens. The air about him was silent except for the close flow of water. The palace before him seemed to sleep in the night and demand silence from every other living creature so that it could be soothed by the constant flow of the fountain.

He smiled as he saw that the walls about the first garden were much lower, but he still decided to sneak into the bottom garden. He slipped down another slope and then another, now going deeper into the valley so that even if he looked up he could no longer see the trees of his forest.

Finally he reached the desired location and he grinned as he saw that it was only protected by a white, ire fence. Easily he clambered over it and dropped down into the garden beyond. It was indeed wild and left to the reign of wild, tangling flowers that had entwined the fence making it look as if it were made of vines and flowers in some parts.

The floor was criss-crossed with cobble paths that guided him around the towering statues of angels. He crept close to one for a moment and gazed up to meet it’s stony eyes. So still but even so they were filled with kindness as if they understood his reason for coming here this evening.

He looked up and could just see the ornate windows on the first floor of the palace above him, but they were darkened. He thought hard for a moment, but eventually decided that the best option would be to stay here until he could think of a way to sneak inside or find out if Karine even lived here.

He sighed and looked about him at the wild, overgrown jungle. The wilderness and untidiness of the place did not make it look ugly or messy but on the contrary gave a natural feel to the place. The stone angels looked or the more magnificent with wild clematis decorating the dresses.

The flow of a fountain had grown louder now and Brian curiously followed a broken path until he arrived at a huge stone fountain with a white cherub with a harp dancing on a stone pillar amid the water. The water bubbled out around the statues feet in a spectacular display that made it look as if it were rising from the water or dancing upon the surface. He smiled at it as he leaned against the edge before he heard the sound of footsteps.

He sharply turned, anxious in case he was seen and ducked behind a nearby angel. He tentatively peered about the side and gasped as he saw a figure in a blue dress standing upon the steps that led down to this part of the garden. He quickly pulled back and smiled to himself. Karine. She did live here after all.


He held his breath as the angel drifted closer to him, her dark hair flowing freely about her shoulders but she had entwined tiny blue flowers within it to match the long dress that trailed along the floor behind her. There was a voice called after her but she ignored it as she came further into the garden. Brian carefully concealed himself behind the stone angel, not wanting to be seen by the caller.

He pressed his back against the statue and closed his eyes as he smiled, his heart fluttering in his chest and threatening to sweep him off of his feet. He was trembling at the thought of finally meeting her again and casting the dark waves of misery aside. At last he could be free from them.

Melancholy would not reap another victim today, not when Karine was so close to him. She alone could stop him from falling into that cold pit.

He heard her coming closer to him and he opened his eyes again as he waited patiently. He was finally rewarded when she emerged into his sight. He watched her, amused that she had not yet noticed him still beside the statue. She leant down and picked a blue rose from a vine that covered an angel cradling a tiny child in its arms.

He carefully snuck up behind her and then reached out and grabbed her arm. “Karine!” he hissed.

She turned, startled by his sudden presence but then her eyes glowed as she recognised him. “Brian!” she cried and his hear leapt as he saw her smile at him. She glanced about them nervously. “Brian, what are you doing here? If anybody sees you - ”

“He silenced her warning by using her arm to puller closer and draw her into a passionate kiss to savour her sweet taste. He sighed in ecstasy as her arms wrapped about his back before they slowly broke apart. “Sshhh,” Brian whispered.

Her head was bowed and she would not look up into his face, but her eyes were closed as she tasted his kiss upon her mouth. He ran a hand through the silk blackness of her hair, smiling at the flowers she had weaved into it. She slowly clasped his hands and then kissed them softly, her lips sucking lightly on the skin.

Nervously she looked back the way she had come. “Come,” she said. “We need to be further away.” Her fingers entangled with his and she quietly dragged him further back down into the garden until they reached the wire fence. She turned to face him and took his face tenderly in her hands. “What are you doing here? I told you to forget about me,” she said softly.

He reached his own hands up to clasp hers from his face. “I couldn’t forget you.” Brian was breathing deeply, his skin tingling all over. He wanted to weep with joy at seeing her again and for the first time he could smile without feeling it was empty. He had his angle back with him.

“You shouldn’t come here,” she replied her voice low. “I told you it was over. The more you come here, the harder it will be to return to your old life.”

Brian gently bowed his head and fell to shower her neck with light kisses, pleased when she did not resist or try to push his inquisitive lips away. “What makes you think that I want to return to my former life? I can’t imagine how I ever lived without you… and you still love me, don’t you? That’s why I still dream of your world, you wouldn’t let me go completely. You wanted me to come and find you.” If she had wanted too truly break with him, he knew that she could make it so that he never entered this dream world again.

Her eyes had until now refused to meet his but finally she raised her head and looked deeply into his blue eyes searching for his love there. Her lips trembled for a second before they were crashing against his own.

Brian moaned faintly in pleasure and longing as he pulled her close, his lips entangling with her own as they anxiously sought for the taste of each other that they had both missed so much. Her hands were running up and down his back while he tangled them in her hair and pressed his hips closer to hers.

Finally the vital need for air drew them apart and they were left gasping in the cool night air amid the calming fall of the water in the fountain.

“Is that a yes then?” Brian asked breathlessly.

She smiled at him and opened her tearful eyes. “Yes…” she said as she kissed him again and again on his lips. “Yes.”

Again they shared another heated kiss, emotions rapidly rising in both of them so that they both trembled from longing. She placed a hand on his face as they parted again. “But I don’t want to ruin your life. I told you, you’re forgetting your old life and drifting from your friends. You love them, they love you. I don’t want to separate you, but…” Her eyes were moist with tears. “I can’t let you go.”

“Don’t worry about them,” he said. He was too far-gone to think of them anymore. He kissed her on the cheek and then gently nudged her face up to meet his. “Don’t you want me?” he asked seductively.

“Always,” she murmured as she gently kissed him again.

“Then give us a chance,” he begged.

“Your life in your world will be destroyed,” she said. “You won’t notice, but you’ll lose everything there. You are a part of this world, or yours. You can’t have both.”

For a brief second something flashed into Brian’s mind. He was with Kevin and the others laughing as they splashed each other in the choppy waves of a sun-drenched sea. He had not remembered that before when he was awake. All he had known was misery, he had forgotten about the good times he’d had with his friends.

“You’ll lose them forever,” she said. “You’ll forget them. You already are.”

The image was gone again and as he tried, he could not recall it, or any other happy moment with them that had happened. There was only one conclusion then, he had never been happy with them… or had he already forgotten? Wouldn’t he have noticed if he had forgotten?

“Baby, you’re confused,” she said as she stroked his face. “Think about it.”

He looked at her and her dark eyes seemed to melt a part of his soul. He shook his head. “No, I’ve made my mind. I was never happy with them. They don’t care about me. I want to be with you.”

She smiled, but there was something sad about it. He was already hers and as much as she wanted it, there was still a string of guilt in her mind. Brian had already forgotten how much he loved his friends.

“I love you,” she whispered, her voice a whisper. A tear slowly trailed down her face.

Brian used a finger to trace its path down her cheek. “Don’t cry. It will be okay, we’re gonna be together.”

“I should never have come to you,” she said softly. “You would still have you life then.”

Brian was stung slightly and he gripped her hands tightly. “Don’t say that! You are the best thing that has ever happened to me! You are the sun that lit up my life! You have no idea how happy you’ve made me. I wasn’t happy before I met you.”

She stroked his hands. “Yes you were.” Her voice was melancholic, her eyes betraying some sadness that rested inside of her.

He shook his head to contradict her. She was his happiness. She was the only reason he was happy. “No I wasn’t.”

“Yes you were, you just don’t remember it.”

Brian frowned, not understanding what she meant when she kept talking about him like he knew nothing of his own life. “I don’t understand.”

She closed her eyes and then made her choice. She pulled him into her arms and buried her face in his neck and comforting cologne. “Never mind.”

Brian gave a deep sigh and his arms held her possessively while he breathed in the scent of the flowers in her hair. He kissed her face passionately, knowing that this time when he woke from the dream he would no longer have such a deep unhappiness brooding inside of him. She was his now.

“How do I leave my world?” he breathed excitedly. “There must be a way.”

She nodded slowly. “One way… but…”

He tilted his head eager to listen to her words. “What?”

“But only if you’re willing to die in your own world.”

He looked at her face taking all of her in. he squeezed her hands within his own. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

He smiled at her. “Yes.” He kissed her on the mouth his hands sliding about her body and sighing as they felt the familiar curves. “Yes, I’ll do it.”

She gave a faint moan of joy, her face bursting into a warm smile as they began to kiss again, their hands rapidly wandering about each other’s bodies. Brian looked about them until he spotted a patch of soft grass. He smiled as he took her hand leading her towards it. In a moment, they were falling to the ground and Brian atop her kissing her face, hair, neck and anything else that he possible he could.

“I love you,” he whispered.

She pressed a finger against his lips. “Three more dreams,” she whispered. “Three more dreams and you’ll be mine. In the third dream you’ll die in your world and we’ll be together. If you change your mind before then, I will leave and I promise you will never dream of me or my world again.”

“I won’t change my mind,” Brian said determinedly as he kissed her lips. “I’ll die for you.”

The days were getting longer and the hands of time upon the clocks were beginning to drag, making each separate second last for a minute or more.

But Brian was happy.

The world about him was dull today and the sky was overcast with the dreary repugnant clouds that the sun failed to pierce. A slight wind blew along the seafront but it was cold as it teased his skin, tempting the hairs up on his arm.

A few splatters of rain had begun to fall, light and infrequent but cold and penetrating. The wind ran across the surface of the sea, brining the waves up into great cascades of water that noisily smashed against the beach and the rocks.

He could feel the coolness of the wind as it rubbed against his skin, but he still sat outside in his short sleeved shirt, enjoying the feel of nature upon him.

As his eyes gazed out to the open sea, he thought of what it would be like to never see it again. That was what he had decided he would do, give everything up for Karine. It was what he wanted. This world was dark and full of pain. So many people suffered here and there was so much depression and hatred. In Karine’s land it was different, all that mattered there was beauty and love. There the wind was not cold, but cool and soothing to the skin. The rain was refreshing and peaceful and did not make the world look grey like it did here.

He could smell the salt of the sea and almost taste it in the cold air but somehow it was bland and unappealing.

Last night he and Karine had just lain in each other’s arms and promised each other forever. The plan was made. Karine would leave her palace home which she shared with her family and would come away with Brian to live in the enchanting forest of colour and sweet aromas. Brian would leave his own world of cruelty and die to live forever with Karine.

He had sighed as he stroked her hair and kissed her face as they dashed through the trees away from Karine’s house to their secret grove with the pool.

He smiled. Before death had always seemed like a fearsome predator which he had constantly looked over his shoulder for since he was a child. It had used to terrify him that one day he would open his eyes and find himself staring into the dark eyes of death as it claimed him.

Now it seemed peaceful and was no longer frightening to him. The prospect of leaving this insignificant life behind him held no regret of despair. He wanted death to come. When it did, he would be able to slip into Karine’s world where he would never again be dragged away from her rose red lips or cherubic smile that could make him dizzy with love.

His hands were clammy as they clasped themselves in his lap. In a few nights, he would never be parted from Karine again. There would be no more heartache when he awoke each morning because he would be waking in her arms.

The wind blew gently across his face as he raised it to greet the faint rain that was beginning to speckle the beach. Movement from the croner of his eyes suddenly caught his attention and he turned to see a tall man with blond hair coming towards him.

“Brian? What are you doing out here? It’s cold!” the unnamed man said.

Brian stared at him, puzzlement still in his eyes as he fought to grasp a name that went with this face. Blond hair… Howie? No Nick. Of course it was Nick. How could he ever forget his sparkling eyes and mischievous smile that rested beneath glowing locks of golden hair? He could almost laugh at his silliness, except that it was slightly unnerving that he had forgotten Nick’s name.

He shook his head. He was stuck so much in a dream sometimes that little things often slipped away from him without him realising. More and more the days seemed longer and hazy and Karine’s world seemed more real.

“Hey Nick,” he said, the smile still on his face.

Nick frowned at him as he joined him on the stonewall, but Brian inched away slightly, uncomfortable with Nick sitting so close to him. That kind of proximity was for lovers or close friends… wait a moment, wasn’t nick supposed to his close friend? But why did it not feel like it? Why did Brian suddenly seem to know nothing about him?

“What’s going on?” Nick asked. “Yesterday you were crying in despair and now your head’s back in the clouds. I told you to stop moping about like this.” His eyes were staring down at Brian in concern, but that concern meant little when Brian felt so isolated from him.

Nick knew nothing about him in comparison with Karine. He could not remember having fun with him or even talking to him much. It was as if he had just met some long, distant friend from his childhood who no longer meant much to him anymore.

“Brian?” Nick asked, waving a hand in front of his face.

Brian shook his head and then sighed. “I dreamt about her again last night,” he said dreamily. “We’re back together. I have her back.”

Nick was silent for a moment, but he looked down at the sand beneath their feet as if searching there for words that would not come to him. “Brian,” he said softly. “It’s only a dream. She’s not real.”

“No,” Brian replied. He gazed out over the sea to watch the huge, foam frothed waves as they crashed mercilessly down upon the seaweed that bobbed along the surface. “She is real and so is her world.”

Once when he had awakened, the events with Karine would seem slightly blurred and misty as if they had been obscured by the mists that reality would always cast upon dreams, but now he could remember them more clearly than ever. It now felt as if it had happened yesterday. However, the world that he now inhabited seemed dull and bleary as if it was the dream. Things seemed to move slowly and sounds were not as clear as they were in the forest.

Nick shook his head. “Brian, you have to stop this! It is a dream, a fantasy!”

“No!” Brian snapped as he jumped to his feet. “You’re wrong1 I’m in love and it feels fantastic! I’ve never felt better!”

Nick jumped up as well and suddenly seized Brian by the wrists tightly. Brian gave a slight cry as he felt the physical pain of the firm grip and tried to prise them away but Nick would not release him.

“Look at you Brian! You’re thinner than you were because you don’t eat anymore! You’re eyes are glassy like you’re dead and you’re so pale! You look ill and you must stop this! You’re getting all excited over a figment of your imagination!”

Brian’s eyes narrowed. “She’s real!” he screamed before he kicked Nick hard on the shin.

The blond swore as he released Brian and gripped his shin protectively. Brian turned and suddenly found himself gripped by a fierce rage. “What do you know about anything? You don’t know her and you don’t know me!” He turned his back on nick and began to walk along the windy beach.

“Brian!” Nick was suddenly gripping his arm to yank him back around. “What do you mean? I’m your best friend!”

“No you’re not! You don’t know me! You haven’t known me that long!”

“Only ten years!”

Years? It felt more like ten days if that. “You’re lying! We hardly now each other!”

“What is wrong with you? Don’t you remember?”

Brian only glared at him. “Remember what?” he snapped. What was there to remember? His mind was foggy and everything was hard to find. His creased his brow but there was… nothing.

Nick grabbed Brian’s arms and shook him. Brian cried out slightly, shocked at the sudden violent treatment Nick was harbouring towards him. Nick was a friend but why was he hurting him?

“Stop it!” Nick screamed. “Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! You’re scaring me! Brian, snap out of this! That freak dream girl is a witch who’s sucking the life out of you!” His voice was frantic as he shook Brian harshly. “Don’t you understand what’s happened to you? You’re drifting away and it’s her fault!”

Brian’s eyes narrowed at the words that were flung at him, but suddenly he knew what Nick was after. He was jealous because Brian had seen something more amazing than Nick could ever comprehend. “You’re just jealous!” he screamed hatefully. “You’re jealous because she chose me and not you! For once somebody doesn’t want the blond Nick Carter and you can’t handle being second best! She wants me! She loves me! She’s mine!”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Nick replied, his voice as loud as Brian’s. “I don’t want her, she’s a witch! I just want you to get better! Look at yourself, look at you! Can you honestly say that you’re normal at the moment? Something is wrong with you!”

“She loves me!” Brian locked his own fingers about Nick’s arms, pressing hard to leave bruises and to try and push the larger man away. Nick had no idea. Karine was an angel, not a witch. She had rescued him from a life of misery and loneliness.

“No she doesn’t! If she loved you, she wouldn’t be turning you into the person you’re becoming! She’s killing you! Can’t you see? You’re so blind and wrapped up in her claws that you can’t see!”

“No! She loves me!” Brian said, his voice screaming each word to hammer it into Nick’s brain. He didn’t care if he was dying…

“She’s not real!”

Rage was burning in his heart and he was trembling as it throbbed inside of his heart, enflaming every part of him. He was suddenly shoving Nick roughly away before his fist flew into Nick’s jaw, startling a groan from the younger man. Nick fell back hard upon the damp sand. His pale face radiated shock as blood dribbled from the corner of his mouth. His blue eyes stared widely at Brian and he gasped as he placed a hand to his mouth to feel the oozing blood.

“What’s happened to you?” Nick whispered. There were tears in his eyes. “What’s happened to you?” he repeated, his voice growing in distress.

Brian said nothing, but something uncomfortable was brimming near the surface of his mind. He looked down at his shaking fist, the knuckles red and sore after the blow. He glanced back at Nick and then stumbled back a few steps in confusion. “Nick? Why did I…?”

Nick was his best friend, but Brian could no longer remember what made them best friends of the first time he had even met him. Why couldn’t he remember anything that they had ever done together? He shook his head and placed a hand to his forehead as if he could physically pull the memories to the surface of his mind. He shivered as the cold wind and rain began to penetrate his pale skin and he stared about him at the dreary beach and the dull, grey waves. This world was his home but he would never see it again once he had joined Karine. In two more days he would die…

“Nick?” he whispered again. He wanted to ask for help. He needed help to understand what was happening. He felt as if his life here had been drained away.

Karine suddenly flashed into his mind, a secret smile beautifully curving her crimson lips and her dark eyes shining with love in her delicately shaped face. The image vanished and he was staring at Nick again. Before the blond had arrived he had been dancing in the warm waves of happiness but now he was lost in a tide of confusion as he realised that he may never see Nick or his friends again or remember them.

“Brian?” Nick asked, watching the confused emotions chase one another across Brian’s face. He slowly staggered to his feet, tears shining in his eyes before they trickled out onto his cheeks. “Brian.” He opened his arms, offering Brian loving support. “Please… I’m just worried. I don’t wanna lose you. You’re my friend.”

Brian gulped, trembling in the wind. It had been simple before when he had only seen his love for Karine but now there was something left in his mind that was screaming at him to stop. He began to slowly back away and then he was turning and running along the beach back to their shared house, his feet slipping on the sand while the rain suddenly grew heavier and pelted they ground to turn it into mud. He cried out as a son shook his body and the tears were running down his face.

‘Don’t think about Nick or the others,’ he told himself. ‘Think of Karine.’

He loved her, he knew that was true, but a part of him was bound to Nick and the others, even though he couldn’t remember why.

“Karine,” he whispered, his heart beating inside of him and his arms aching for her to hold him and comfort him.

“Brian!” Nick called. “You have to stop this! This will kill you! Please!”

The fierce wind blew the words to Brian’s ears and he closed his eyes tightly as he jumped up the wooden steps that led to the huge beach house.

He wanted to die. He wanted to die for Karine. He sobbed as he remember the joy he had felt at holding her last night as they kissed in the moonlight while the stone angels smiled down upon them, blessing their love. He wanted to feel that same joy every day of his life and he wanted to be able to see Karine and take her hand as they walked into the sunlight.

He wanted to die for her… didn’t he?

He did not stop running until he reached his own room. He lamed the door closed and firmly locked it, gasping and crying as his fingers shook madly as they fiddled with the lock. He then rushed to close the curtains to shut out all light from outside.

It was not nearly time for darkness yet but the blackness would be comforting to him and would help to hide this world which so confused him. He had made his mind up, he wanted Karine.

He glanced at his watch, squinting to make out the time. There was hours before the sun set. He wanted to see her again and talk to her about his confusion. She could make it all better, he knew she could.

He watched the minute second hand slowly crawl across the face.

The days were getting longer… but he was running out of time.


*******************

do people want me to post the rest of the story here? there doesn't seem to be many of you reading this : (

Confusion was slowly drowning him in a deep, dark sea of melancholy which swept over his soul until he could no longer breathe. He was almost choking in despair as the fear of madness and destruction rose up in ebony waves to consume him.

The pillow below him was wet with the tears he had cried since locking himself away, but now that was all fading as his mind found the sanctuary of the peace and beauty that he adored so much.

A wind was brushing against his skin and wiping away the beads of tears that clung to him before slowly blowing away the dark, stormy clouds that had plunged him into despair and cast a dreary confusion over him that had gnawed at his mind.

It was all gone, the fear, the pain, and every single trouble was cast away to leave him filled with happiness. No longer was the fear or confusion about his life haunting him and there was no instability in his mind that made him fear for his sanity. Everything was peaceful now and his head was empty of any thoughts.

Someone was dabbing lightly at his face with a soft cloth and he could feel gentle fingers caressing his face tenderly.

His eyes flickered open and above him was a rich, green canopy through which the warm moonlight glowed milkily in the night sky. Suddenly there was a beautiful face staring down at him with kind, loving eyes that made his heart melt in a delicious wave of burning heat and love.

“Karine,” Brian breathed. His face was suddenly lit with a smile and his heart leapt up in delight inside of his chest.

“Baby you’ve been crying,” she whispered as she continued to wipe away his tears. She stroked his face with her right hand whilst her left pressed the cloth over his eyes to dry them.

He slowly reached up and clasped one of her hands within his own before pressing his mouth against it to deliver a soft kiss full of sweetness.

“I’m okay now,” he replied, shivering as her breath fell upon his face.

She smiled in reply and Brian slowly manoeuvred himself until he was sitting up and felt a spongy, soft substance beneath his hands. He glanced down and found that he had been lying upon a bed of burgundy moss, dotted with miniscule orange flowers that winked in the moonlight while spreading the air with a sweet aroma that reminded Brian of magnolia flowers. Surrounding them about the ground were thousands of pink and white petals that had tumbled from the bright, blossoming trees above to give a beautiful rain shower of dancing petals.

He breathed deeply, savouring the scent of the flowers as they filled his senses. “I missed this place.” He opened them again and looked at Karine. “I missed you.”

Karine smiled weakly at him, one hand still resting on his face and there was relief in her dark eyes as the tears stopped their watery trail. Brian opened his arms out and Karine sighed as she accepted the tight embrace and leaned her face into the crook of his neck. Brian’s eyes closed in bliss. There was no confusion here, only absolute certainty that this was where he belonged. He kissed Karine on the head, his heart beating faster as it burned through his veins, tingling his sense and making him even smile as a great bubble of happiness burst within him.

He sighed and then fell back against the moss again, Karine still wrapped safely within his arms.

“What was wrong? Why were you crying?” Karine murmured as she made herself more comfortable against his body.

“It doesn’t matter,” Brian replied, shaking his head to clear himself from the disconcerting and almost painful sensations that had hunted him in his own world. “It’s all better now you’re with me. I’m just unhappy and confused in my own world.”

Karine pressed a little tighter to him. “Are you sure you want this?” Her eyes were wide and full of regret. “I don’t like you having to choose between me and your friends… Sometimes I think I should never have come to you, then you wouldn’t be suffering. I want you to be happy.”

Brian turned his head towards her. “Please stop saying things like that. I am happy, I’m happier than I’ve ever been before in my life. I may be a little unhappy in my world but here… everything just falls so perfectly into place and I know why I would give my world and my friends up.”

“But - ” she tried to protest.

Brian pressed a finger to her lips. “Shush. I’ve made my choice and I know it’s the right one.” His eyes travelled about the world of the forest with he overhanging leaves and blossoms.

Karine traced his jaw line with a finger before leaning up to seal his lips with her own, leaving a taste of summer strawberries lingering lightly within his mouth. Gently Brian caressed her arm with his hands.

“What about your friends?” Karine asked eventually.

“They don’t matter.” He barely even remembered them anymore, but it did not confuse or frighten him like it did in his own world. Here, everything was just simple and beautiful. The argument with Nick was already fast dissolving from his mind along with the difficult emotions it had evoked. Now he even wondered why he had felt anxiety about his decision to die for Karine. Now he was back with her and he wanted to give everything and more just so that they could be together where he knew they belonged. It still caused a slight pain in his heart to lose his friends, but what he was gaining would be far more valuable.

“I’ve made my choice,” he told Karine again.

She sighed. “If I could, I would make it so that you didn’t have to choose. I’d make it so that you could have everything you’ve ever wanted.”

“I know, but I have to choose and…” He smiled as he clambered atop her. “I choose you,” he whispered as he brought his lips down to kiss her neck.

Excitedly she entwined her fingers behind his back and drew him to her for a warm kiss. They broke apart and stared at each other for a moment, their eyes sucking up as much of each other as they possibly could.

“Do you want to take a walk?” Karine asked. “I have something to show you.”

Brian tilted his head. “Mmm, but I’m quite comfortable here,” he protested as he continued to run his lips over the soft skin of her neck.

“We could do this later,” Karine said playfully, moving her head to give Brian better access.

“Or now,” Brian pointed out, his body already crying for her touches.

She smiled at him and Brian knew that he had been successful in his seduction of her. She laughed slightly as he kissed her face, teasing her by avoiding her strawberry lips until she grew impatient and pulled his mouth to hers passionately and lovingly. Brian softly returned the kiss, enjoying every moment they were together. He sighed as they broke apart and he ran his hands through her hair, loving the way it easily flowed through his fingers like silk.

“I love you,” he whispered.

“I love you,” she returned as she kissed him on the nose.

Brian’s heart was hammering hard in anticipation as they stared at each other, hands entwining about one another and eyes glowing in love. It was only a few moments before Brian made the first move to kiss her again and it wasn’t long before the kiss led to their clothes being abandoned on the petal scattered ground about them.

Brian savoured every second as they made love, each sighing at the other’s touches and moaning in pleasure with the kisses that joined their burning lips. Brian took his time with his movements, stopping to smile at her and to feel the tingling sensations that spun about his body. She would smile in return as her hands slowly held him close and then they would kiss again…

He loved her. Nothing else had ever made him feel more alive with emotions and sensations. When he was with her, sadness was a distant relative too far away to even brush a ting finger against Brian. No one had ever left him feeling so breathless and so overjoyed with happiness. No wonder the waking world was so unbearable now… He needed her. Her love was a part of him now.



Gasping and sighing in each other’s arms, they fell back against the moss and petals, tired after the long intimacy they had just shared. Karine leaned over and gave him a final kiss as Brian ran his hands over her heated skin.

“As much as I would love to do this all night,” Karine said as she touched his lips with her own. “We can’t.”

“We could,” Brian contradicted as he seized hold of her hands.

“But I want to show you something!” she replied in a singsong voice.

Teasingly she pushed his travelling lips away to stand and retrieve her lilac dress from the ground. She slipped it smoothly over her head and ran fingers through her dark hair to tidy it up a little.

Brian sighed as he reached for his own clothes, but he was helped when Karine decided that she wanted to dress him herself. Brian stared at her and watched her pretty face as she delicately did the buttons of his shirt up and the zipper of his pants before kissing him and taking his hand to pull him to his feet.

“Come on,” she said. “Wait until you see, it’s beautiful!”

She led him down a path of sun-baked earth that nestled beneath the blossoming trees. The path was now coated with a layer of pink and white petals that the wind had carelessly blown from the hanging boughs above. They were soft beneath Brian’s bare feet and it seemed as if the forest were making a natural carpet for himself and Karine. He wondered what it would be like to marry her in a place like this with the moon riding in the sky and the stars watching down on them to bless the ceremony… and Karine would be the one he was marrying. No one else was that perfect for him.

He could hear the chanter of water as they drew closer to the pool where water cascaded in eager dribbles over a series of stone before falling to form a small waterfall that fed the pool.

“What is this thing you want to show me?” he asked curiously, wondering if anywhere could be more beautiful than this place.

“It’s a place silly,” she said. “A place I found. We have to swim across the pool.”

“With clothes or without clothes?” Brian asked devilishly.

She looked at him, amusement in her eyes. “With clothes,” she said, but she suddenly drew him close to her. “But I haven’t decided whether you’ll keep them on when we get there or not.”

“Whatever you want,” Brian said, his voice husky.

She smiled and stroked his face for a moment. “We’ll see,” she said seductively.

Brian grinned, knowing that whatever antics they did get up that they would normally end u with each other naked and in each other’s arms. He never grew tired of feeling her beside him, but that wasn’t the only reason he loved her. He could talk with her for hours while they sat snuggled together to keep warm or sat by the pool and told each other stories. He would lose all track of everything except her when she spoke.

“Let’s go,” Karine said as she strode into the water, not caring that the light garment she was wearing would become soaked.

Brian followed her, shivering slightly as the cold water greeted him with a swirl and a splash. It took a moment for his body to adjust but the water was not too cold, after all the evening was still warm. It seemed to be a never-ending summer in this fantasy world.

Karine sank beneath the surface of the pool to completely submerge herself to become used to the water. When she emerged in a shower of water droplets and her hair flowing about her, Brian’s heart quickened even more.

“You’re so pretty you know,” he said.

“So you keep telling me,” she teased laughingly. She sighed as she stared up at the stars. “I think those are the prettiest things in any world though.”

Brian raised his head to receive a clear view of the heavens above, an endless sea of midnight velvet with the little stars sailing in the vast expanse.

“They’re different in my world,” he said.

“How? Stars are stars!” she said.

“They’re in different positions,” he explained.

“Oh, that makes sense,” she replied as she treaded the water to stay afloat. “Anyway, follow me.”

Brian watched her slender form begin to swim across the smooth pool towards the trickling waterfall where the splashes glinted and sparkled with the light of the moon at the far end. He began to swim after her, loving the way the cool water soothed his skin and body.

“Where are we going?” he called.

She smiled daringly at him as she approached the waterfall and then she disappeared amongst the cascading water.

Frowning Brian swam over to where she had just been but he could see nothing except the roaring water from above, noticeably noisier now that he was right beside it.

“Karine?” he called, raising his voice to be heard over the sound of falling water gurgling as it reached the pool. “Karine?”

He stared about him and then back at the waterfall for a second. He took a deep breath and then slowly swam beneath it, arms outstretched searching for a tunnel or cavern where Karine had gone, but his hands found only wet stones.

He ran his hands along the wall, feeling among the cracks and crevices where tiny lilies had managed to grow, eagerly tickling his hands with their petals. Suddenly his hands found a narrow gap but one that was large enough for him to crawl into. Carefully he pulled himself up into it and found himself surrounded by darkness. He stretched his arms out and noticed that the walls were very, every close either side to give a claustrophobic feeling to the tunnel. It was only just big enough to hold him. He tried to raise his head, but that proved to be a mistake as it came into contact with the ceiling.

“Watch your head!” Karine’s voice said from further ahead. “It’s very small.”

“Small? Tiny is more the right word, Karine!”

“It’s not my fault you’re such a big lump!”

“I am not a big lump,” Brian protested, his head coming up again and hitting the rocky ceiling again. “Ow!”

Karine laughed in the darkness.

“Karine, is swear you’re gonna pay for this!” Brian said as he crawled through the dark on his hands and knees, feeling the damp ground beneath him. “And I am not a big lump!”

He heard her moving ahead of him. “Then why are you too big for this tunnel?”

“Because it’s made for very, very tiny people!”

“I am not tiny!”

“Then why can you move perfectly well in this cramped space?” Brian asked grinning in the darkness.

“Brian Littrell, stop teasing me this instant!”

“Or what?” he said, unable to avoid another gentle tease.

“Or I’ll get you back!”

“Sounds interesting…” Brian’s mind was already beginning to imagine the ways in which Karine could get him back as he crawled along after her in the tunnel, although none of them actually seemed that unpleasant.

“Stop imaging me naked!” she came back with from the darkness ahead.

“Why not?”

“Because we’re in a dark tunnel and there really isn’t room for that kind of activity!”

Brian laughed and then suddenly frowned as he realised that he could see light ahead of him and the silhouette of Karine. He froze for a moment and watched as she clambered out of the exit to the tunnel and into some kind of cavern beyond… but there was light there from the looks of it.

Curiously Brian crawled forward and then peered through the exit hole and gasped in delight at the cavern beyond.

The walls were made of glassy crystal substance which glowed and shone in a thousand different hues from the pale blue to the rosy hues akin to that of a rose. The colours constantly changed and flickered playfully across the surfaces of the walls, almost like spirits were trapped within and taunting strangers with their beauty. In the centre of the cavern was a small pool of water and high above that in the arched, shimmering ceiling was a hole which allowed the light of the moon and stars in to dance upon every sparkling surface.

He clambered out of the hole, only a few feet from the ground which looked shiny like glass but was not nearly so slippery so that he could easily stand and gaze abut him with wide eyes.

“Wow,” he whispered.

Karine was smiling and standing beside the pool of water. “Do you like it?” she whispered.

“It’s amazing,” Brian said honestly. He slowly pressed a hand against one of the glimmering crystal walls and the surface glowed beneath his fingers to change into a brilliant violet which faded to blue.

“A crystal cave. You can find them in this world sometimes, but they are very rare. This one can be just for us,” Karine said. “I never want to share it with you.”

Brian slowly and calmly approached her. “Really?” he asked.

“Only you,” she whispered.

Brian as now standing before her, his breathing deeper and more shallow. He reached out his hands and clasped hers to pull her close in an embrace. They did not have to say anything to express their love and they simply held each other, her head resting on his shoulder.

Brian could feel her breathing against his own and he smiled contentedly as he closed his eyes. Everything felt so right here… and the more he saw of this world, from the angels to the dazzling walls of this crystal cavern, the more he wanted to stay and never have to brave the waking world again.

But why then in his own world did it all feel wrong when everything here was so perfect and clear? He stared down at Karine, her wet hair trailing in locks down her back… his choice was more than clear.

‘Lift me higher,
High as heaven can be…’


Brian lie back on his bed, his arms spread out and his eyes closed. He tried to shut out everything that he was feeling and instead imagined that he could feel the light wind gently passing over his skin and the lulling sound of rustling leaves in a forest reaching his ears. Above him was a dark sky, thick like deep velvet and speckled with a light spray of sparkling stars. He was so close that he could almost reach up and touch their warm, welcoming light with his outstretched fingers…

But suddenly the light was cold and he felt it burning his skin as something jolted along his arm and through his body. Something was shrivelling his skin and sucking the life from him, leaving him with only a pale, shadow for a soul.

His eyes snapped open and he gasped. What at first had seemed beautiful and tantalising now had grown into something grotesque and sickening and he was left clinging onto something that had turned out to be nothing.

He was cold. He was scared. He stared above him at the starless ceiling, seeing nothing but grubby white scored with faint cracks. Why was he here? The last thing he remembered was staring about him at a dazzling room where the walls sparkled like a magical rainbow and the light from the moon sent shivering hues rippling along the surfaces, and in his arms had been Karine.

Now they were empty and he felt cold, his heart filled with a sense of loss and loneliness. He tensed and untensed his fingers, longing for Karine to touch him and reassure him of his own well being. He missed her…

But this wasn’t Karine’s forest with blossoming trees and the soft rain with the wind that could tease pale pink petals from their perch and cause a trickling of leaves that would form a soft carpet beneath bare feet.

He was home now. This was where he lived, away from the serenity and pure beauty of nature, and instead surrounded by cold, dull light that made him shudder unpleasantly.

His hands were tightly clenched and he could feel the sweat pasting his fingers to the palms of his hands and perspiration building up beneath his arms. He turned his head and saw the bright beams of the sun trying to push their way through the narrow crack, showing him that something alive lay beyond the dullness he felt about him.

He turned away from the light and closed his eyes again, murmuring Karine’s name over and over again. He did not have to live in this world for much longer. All it would take was two more dreams and then he could hold her forever and never look back at this life ever again.

He was going to die. He was going to be with her. He was going to walk forever below a midnight sky with her hand in his. He wanted that. Maybe they could have their own dear family to love and raise…

But now other faces were flickering into his mind. He could see a loving woman with a smiling face and a proud man, both clearly parents and faces that he should know. Then there were four other faces, the four that he was staying in this house with and suddenly it wasn’t so easy anymore. They were no longer distant as they were in the forest, but agonizingly real. Suddenly he was faced with the prospect of never seeing them again…

Already he could barely remember anything about them and something about that struck a knife carving through the folds of flesh that protected his precious heart. He could recall sitting with them on… what had it been?… a boat. He was on a boat. The water sparkled in the sun and the waves splashed harmlessly against the sides of the boat. There was laughter and excitement as they gazed about them and the wind whipped through their sun bleached hair, spraying them with the salty aroma of fresh seawater.

Nick was beside him, a grin splitting his face cheekily as he reached down to cup a hand full of water before hurling it through the air onto Howie’s head. Each drop of water was reflected by the sunlight and split into a thousand different colours for a brief second before landing upon Howie’s dark hair…

That day had not been dark or depressing or full of thoughts of a pitiful existence. He had been happy. Why did he not have that now? Why could he not remember anything else related to that bright day?

But it still wasn’t simple. He could feel Karine’s soft, dark hair flowing through his fingers and taste her skin as his lips pressed against her neck as they sheltered beneath a tree in the rainfall.

His cheeks were suddenly damp and a tear ran down his face. His heart was beating faster and faster within his breast and as he clung to the image of her, the images of them began to fade into insignificant shadows.

He could not return to his old life if he wanted, too much had happened and too much emotion had ran through his veins, touching every part of him with something so beautiful and warming that it could never be erased or forgotten. He thought of how easy it was in her world. The thoughts of Kevin and the others and even his family would be drawn out of his mind until they were faint, whispers of a ghostly life that he could no longer remember. Under a canopy of leaves and fragrant flowers he could promise her forever with no regrets, but here his mind was divided between longing and love and loyalty and fear of death.

He slowly rose form the bed but he felt sick… weak…

He crossed to the bathroom and splashed cold water onto his face while a haunted reflection of a broken soul watched him with weary eyes. His skin was pale, his eyes dull… barely recognisable.

They were in the kitchen, their voices raised cheerfully in banter and laughter that trickles through the house like a warm wind. Something inside still was pleased at their presence but his mind only told him one thing: strangers.

He felt out of place.

“Hey Brian!” AJ said as he raised his toast and smiled. He suddenly froze and the smile disappeared abruptly from his lips. “What’s up? Are you sick?” His brown eyes burned with concern.

“My God, you’re so pale!” Kevin gasped. “Should you be up even? You look like walking ghost!”

“I’m fine,” Brian replied, but his voice was quiet and trembling as it left his throat.

He could sense eyes piercing into him and turning his head he saw Nick’s blue eyes watching him, an unreadable expression upon his mouth. He looked away from Brian, his face pale and melancholic at Brian’s abandonment of them.

If only he could understand. If only Brian could show him…

‘It’s so difficult…’

“Do you want something to eat? Or drink?” Kevin asked as he rushed to his feet, grabbing a glass and pushing it beneath the tap to fill it with water.

Brian slowly shook his head. He could see anxiety on their faces but he felt so far from it that it was like he was watching ants scurry about on the distant horizon where their life did not matter to him.

“You didn’t eat yesterday,” Nick accused, his blue eyes flashing slightly.

“He’s right. You’ve not been yourself lately. You been acting kinda strange and distant. Like your in another world almost,” Howie said gently.

“I feel a little faint,” Brian confessed. He could feel himself fading from this world. He could feel himself tottering upon the thin border between the mysterious dream world and the reality that was fast dissolving into nothingness. He felt nothing here anymore. He felt no emotions… almost like he was already dead.

“Maybe you should sleep,” Kevin suggested as he shoved a glass of water into Brian’s hand.

“He’s been sleeping too much recently,” Nick commented. “I think he needs a little fresh air.”

Brian glared at Nick, knowing that the blond was determined to keep him away from Karine and everything that Brian wanted. Gone was the laughing Nick form the brief memory that had drifted into his mind and now there was nothing but this cold monster opposite him. Something inside told him they were once close, but that was all gone now. Was it the fault of Karine? Or was it more than that? He didn’t know anything anymore when he was here… the only thing he was sure of was the confusion and disorientation.

“Maybe Nick’s right,” Kevin said. “You have been shut up in your room a lot lately.”

“I’m fine,” Brian whispered as he stared down at the water, watching the ripples upon the surface. “Really I am. I think maybe I do need rest.”

“I think you need a doctor,” Nick said. “We don’t wanna take chances and you look terrible.”

Brian stared at him again, his eyes narrowing. “No,” he said firmly. “No doctor! I’m not crazy!”

“Hey,” Howie interjected. “Who said anything about being crazy? We’re juts worried because you seem a little unwell.”

“Why ate you interrogating me? Can’t you understand?” Brian snapped. “I want to be left alone!”

“Brian!” Kevin cried, alarmed at the sudden temper.

“I’m fine, I’m fine!” Brian screamed. “I’m happy! I’m doing the right thing! I don’t need your lectures!” He suddenly flung the glass down upon the floor, sending a pool of water sliding across the tiles as well a hundreds of fragments of glass that glittered in the sunlight. Brian jumped back, slightly shocked by the sudden violence.

“Bri…?” AJ asked, confused by the outburst.

Brian stared at his hands. Somehow a piece of glass seemed to have bounced up and sliced a tiny cut into his finger. A tiny dribble of blood oozed from the cut.

He gasped as hands suddenly gently clasped his shoulders and found himself gazing into Kevin’s green eyes. He cried out and pushed the hands away. “Get off of me!” he screamed hysterically as he roughly shoved the bigger man away. “Don’t touch me!”

“Brian, what’s gotten into you?” Kevin asked.

“I know what I’m doing!”

Brian was running from the kitchen, sobs burbling in his mouth like the dying gasps of a fish starved of oxygen and flapping uselessly on the hot sands of a foreign shore.

He was almost tripping over as he stumbled up the stairs, choking on his own despair and confusion that he could not seem to grasp or comprehend. He could hear someone chasing him and he desperately rushed along the landing towards the sanctity of his dark room where he could be away from the torment the others awakened within him.

‘Think of Karine. That’s my choice. Think of her…’

He chose her. That was the only thing he was still sure about. The longing and desperate desire he constantly felt when he was not with her.

His hands fumbled for the handle of the door but before he could push it open someone had grabbed him fiercely and pinned him back against the wall with a strength that Brian could not match in his deadened state.

“I’m not gonna let you run away from this Brian!” Nick hissed. “You have to fight this or it will consume you! You need a doctor!”

Brian shook his head, still sobbing and gasping for his breathe. “I need Karine.”

Nick shook his head. “No you don’t!” he said angrily. “She has made you believe that! Look, she’s pulling you apart piece by piece!”

“I’m fine when I’m with her and she didn’t mean to cause all this!” He tried to punch Nick’s arms again, not wanting another argument with him. He managed to unpin himself a little, but Nick flung him back even harder.

“Bullshit Brian! She is a witch! Don’t you get it! A witch! She has trapped you in her candy house of delights and she’s gonna cook you in her oven!” Nick cried, his hands pressing so tightly against Brian’s arms that the fingers had turned purple and the face was pale with rage.

Brian shook his head. “No! he screamed. “No, no, no! You don’t understand1 you don’t know her! She’s good, she’s kind, she’s gentle!” he sobbed. “She loves me!”

“She does not! It’s all an act!”

“How do you know!”

“I know from just looking at you! You’re so confused!”

“I don’t care! I’ve decided that I want her. You don’t get it Nick. I’m in love! Why can’t you let me be happy? I’m sorry I’ll leave you but I’m in love!”

“Leave me?” Nick said, his voice growing quiet in sudden shock. “What do you mean? Brian, what do you mean by that?” His stubby nails pressed into Brian’s wrists as his grip grew firmer.

Brian closed his eyes, a tear falling from his eye. “I’m sorry but I love her. I’m leaving. Two more dreams and I’ll be gone forever,” he whispered. “It’s what I want.”

Nick suddenly released Brian and took a step back in horror. “S �“ she’s going to kill you isn’t she?”

Brian shook his head, still crying. He held his hands out, begging for Nick to understand. “No Nick it’s not like that,” he tried to explain. It had been his decision.

“She’s going to murder you! How the hell can you let that happen?” Nick whispered, suddenly visibly beginning o tremble as colour drained form his face. “How can you accept that? She can find another way!” He screamed the last sentence hysterically as tears began o flow. “You can’t die!”

Brian shook his head as he wiped his eyes. “I love her,” he finally managed to say.

Nick stared at him aghast. “You’re crazy. How can you believe this? It’s a dream!”

Brian found himself sliding down against the wall until he hit the carpet below. “No it’s not,” he confessed. “It’s more than you can ever imagine.”

Nick shook his head again. “No,” he whispered. “I won’t let her take you away from us! We love you! Your family loves you!”

“But I love her!” Brian wailed. “Do you think it’s been easy for me? Do you think it’s easy to choose? I don’t… I-I…”

“You don’t know what you want!”

“That’s not true!” His gut was churning at the lie that turned his skull inside out as he sought for the correct answer.

“I won’t let her take you!” Nick screamed as he leant down and grabbed Brian by the neck before hauling him to his feet. “I’m fucking not gonna let this happen! This stops right now!”

Brian cried at the brutality of the treatment, tears running from his eyes as he sobbed in fear at what was about to happen. Nick was desperate. He was crying as well as Brian. He didn’t understand. Brian didn’t even understand…

‘God help me…’

“Nick?” a voice cried incredulously from behind them.

Brian saw his dark haired cousin through a veil of tears. He blinked and watched the rage bubble into Kevin’s features, his thick eyebrows furrowing in anger at Nick.

“Nick, what the hell are you doing? He’s ill! Let him go, now!” he commanded.

“You don’t understand Kevin1 he’s dying and he wasn’t going to tell us!” nick snapped.

But Kevin did not listen and physically seized hold of Nick before throwing him hard against the wall. Nick cried out and then crumpled to the floor sobbing and crying in a shivering heap.

“Brian,” he begged.

Brian stared from Nick to Kevin and then back to Nick, knowing that the tears were because of him. Everything was because of him.

He suddenly wrenched his door open and slammed it shut before locking it. He heard Kevin banging on the outside, begging him to come out before he turned his anger upon Nick.

Brian curled himself up onto his bed as he listens to the insults Kevin hurled at Nick, threatening him with violence if he ever touched Brian again.

Confused, lost and alone, Brian could only cry.



****************

see... is Karine good or bad for Brian?

I am never going home
'Cause I'm having a good time
I am never going home
'Cause my time has come


Brian was breathing deeply, an aroma of wild hawthorn flowers lightly scenting the warm air that brushed against his skin while mingling in with the tingling sweetness of the cherry blossoms.

He stared about him watching the leaves swaying in the breeze and the soft petals that tumbled in an ecstasy of flying confetti from the branches. No matter how many fell, the colour in the trees never seemed to diminish or fade.

He ducked beneath the low hanging elder leaves and then swept aside the weeping willow branches to reach the quiet pool beyond. As usual he could see the stars glittering down more beautiful than ever in their celestial realm of darkness and flickering lights.

At first he could not see Karine and his eyes narrowed in puzzlement as he scanned the moonlit glade for her. A slight giggle drew his attention to a cluster of oak trees and he could not stop the smile from spreading across his face as he caught sight of her sat beneath them watching him with amusement.

“Hiding?” Brian commented as he folded his arms and leaned against one of the trees to look down upon her.

She raised her head to meet his gaze, the celestial light lovingly bathing her in the rich milky white of the moonlight, illuminating the curving smile of the rose hued lips and the dark eyes that burned with a fire that was forever filling him with the flames of longing.

“No, just waiting.” Her eyes smiled brightly at him. “For you.”

“Well here I am,” Brian said gently as he knelt down beside her, his knees tickled by th grass and daisies that secretly concealed themselves in folds of soft leaves.

They stared at each other for a moment, their eyes finding the far reaching clouds of heaven in the other’s. He saw her smile and watched her eyes widen as if to absorb every part of him into her own soul. He leant closer just as a few drops of summer rain began to gently patter on the ground in a harmony of life giving warm richness. He rested his lips upon hers, sucking lightly before drawing away.

They stared at each other again and he saw Karine’s eyes dazzle in longing and he only just had time to anticipate it before she was dragging him to her again for another kiss. He smiled against her mouth, loving the soft way they seemed to be able to melt into each other. His hand reached up to touch her cheek and he softly caressed the pale skin, his entire body now alive with tingles of excitement that he always felt when he was with her.

Here he did not have to be a perfect pop star in a world where eyes were watching his every move, just waiting for him to slip up and fail miserably as he reached the target line.

They drew apart again and Karine backed away from the tree to lie down upon a bed of grass and petals. Silently Brian lay beside her, his body pressing close to hers. He trailed a hand down the softness of her bare arm until it met her own where their fingers entwined tightly.

Nestled safely beneath the protective cover canopy of the blossom trees they watched as the rain fell lightly about them. They could see the ripples upon the surface of the pool and hear the excited rushing of the waterfall as it gurgled to be heard over the rainfall.

The silence was never uncomfortable between them, both were equally at home with their thoughts and loving eyes as they were when they were talking or touching each other with gentle caresses.

“Tomorrow night, you’ll be here to stay forever,” Karine whispered after a while of just breathing in each other, her fingers caressing Brian’s. She held his hand to her mouth and kissed it.

“Yes,” Brian murmured absently. For a brief moment the others flickered into his mind, the images more vague and fuzzy than ever before. He closed his eyes, clinging onto their names. If he remembered nothing else, he would remember their names. “Will I forget about them completely?” he asked faintly. He did not even know them now, he knew he had once known them but he couldn’t remember that time now and all there was to remind him of it was a strange emptiness in his heart.

But he knew it would be even emptier without Karine to fill it.

Karine smiled sadly, knowing Brian well enough to know who he meant by ‘them’. She reached out to stroke his face with her hand as she rolled over to face him. “I won’t let you forget,” she whispered.

“You promise?” Brian asked. “Even though I’m leaving, I don’t want to forget… Not completely…”

“It’s not too late to change your mind,” Karine said. “You’re losing a lot. I want you to be sure.”

Brian turned to stare at the canopy above them. He could see the raindrops sliding over the leaves and sneaking through to reach the lovers below. Nick called her a witch, but he could see nothing beyond his own limited mind. He had not met Karine and was only making assumptions because of what was happening to Brian. He knew he was dying in his own world but as the days had gone but it was no longer frightening. What he was gaining in return was paradise and love.

“I am sure,” Brian replied certainly. “Tomorrow, I’ll say goodbye to them… forever.” It would hurt but… “Just don’t let me forget them.”

Karine shook her head. “I won’t. They’re a part of you.” She leaned close and caressed his lips with a light kiss.

Brian sighed and wrapped her in his arms. “I love you,” he murmured. He smiled secure in the knowledge that she would keep her promise to him. He knew she would.

She responded with a soft kiss against his neck, the very touch of her lips bringing him out into shivers. He reached out and clasped her hands in his own. He could feel his heart hammering hard as he thought of tomorrow. Tomorrow night he would sleep forever in this realm of beauty and peace. He would have Karine forever.

He had never believed that he could ever feel like this. Every time he had been happy it had always vanished to leave him crying with nothing. Now though his perfect future was in sight and he loved what he was seeing.

“What happens tomorrow?” he asked excitedly.

Karine pressed her back against his chest and rubbed his hands. “When you fall asleep tomorrow, you’ll die and then you’ll be able to stay here with me. You have to be certain it’s what you want though when you sleep or it won’t happen.”

“Believe me, I know exactly what I want,” Brian replied, allowing a teasing smile to caress his lips as his eyes gazed at her longingly.

She turned to him, bright happiness dancing in her eyes. “I want to show everything in my world. We could live anywhere you want. I just want to make you happy.”

“I’ll be happy wherever I am,” Brian replied as he leaned his head against her neck to deliver a kiss. “As long as I’m with you.”

Brian watched her lips curve into a smile and he mirrored the movement. He could not help but smile when he was with her. There was nothing melancholy about the world that weighed upon his mind. He could forget everything here.

“Come on,” Brian said as he jumped to his feet, pulling her with him.

“Where are we going?” she asked, straitening her pink dress. “It’s raining!”

“So?” Brian laughed as he led her out into the rain, loving the way the warm droplets dribbled through his air and tickled his skin. “I want to dance.”

Karine giggled as Brian clasped her hands and pulled her close to his body to lead her in a slow dance in the rain beneath the canopy of fuchsia and dripping clematis. He sang lightly to her and she smiled and blushed at the serenade.

Brian found the words just coming to his mind as he held her damp hands and watched the raindrops running through her dark hair. He gazed into her eyes, seeing every emotion that he felt himself watching him there.

“White circles play within my mind
Ices over and freezes life
Time will come, time will come, time will fall
Bringing the world to its feet
Bringing the world to her hands and her feet

I am never turning back
'Cause I've come this far
And I'm lost within my tracks
I will follow the north star”

“That’s a nice song,” she whispered.

Brian smiled and brought her hands to his mouth to kiss them. “It’s true. I’m not turning back now. I won’t throw what we have away.”

Karine had tears in her eyes as she looked down at the flowered grass beneath them. Brian frowned as he saw a tear sliding down her face. “Hey, what’s wrong?” he said.

She shook her head. “I was scared you would choose not to stay.”

He tilted her face up to look at his. “How could I choose anything else?” He leant forward and captured her in a delicate yet passionate kiss. “Don’t worry. After tomorrow night, I won’t have to leave you anymore.”

She smiled as he wiped her damp hair from her face. “I can see you in sunlight,” she murmured. “She must look so beautiful with the light on you.”

Brian bit his lip shyly but was suddenly shocked by a cold shower of rain as leaves in the canopy decide to dribble their contents onto his head.

Karine burst out laughing as Brian gasped, looking down to see himself now completely drenched. “Aw, that spoilt a romantic mood!” He looked up and a mischievous smile caught his lips. “What are you laughing at?”

“You!”

“Really?” Brian seized her arms playfully and began tot tickle her, his hands knowing exactly which of her spots were the most sensitive. “That’s not very nice Karine!”

“Brian, no!” she laughed as he tried to pry his exploring fingers away.

Brian grinned, relentless in his attempts to make her fall over onto the wet ground. He lid his leg in between hers and she gave a playful scream as he finally managed to send her tumbling to the ground, but she grabbed his hand and pulled him down on top of her.

“Hey,” Brian said.

“Hey,” she replied.

Brian bowed his head to hers and eagerly claimed her lips in his mouth for a long moment. He sighed as he pulled away and then turned his head to see several juice filled berries waiting to burst upon a red leaved plant. He extended his hand and plucked one of the purple berries before holding it to Karine’s mouth. She smiled up at him before accepting his gift, making sure she kissed his fingers in the process.

Brian smiled as she sat up and reached for a handful of berries herself, delicately picking them so as not to squeeze out the tantalising juice. She traced his lips with a purple juice stained hand before placing the first berry into his mouth. Brian closed his eyes tasting the juice as the berry burst against his tongue to flood his mouth with sweetness. He licked his lips but Karine was already trying to feed him another one. Brian laughed slightly ass he helped him to lick the juice from his mouth and then they were tangled in another kiss, each tasting of the purple berries they had just shared.

Brian allowed his hands to wander over her body, caressing her skin and loving the softness beneath his fingertips. “Just think, soon we’ll be able to do this all da and night,” he whispered seductively.

“Only if I let you!” she replied playfully as she pushed him away to leap to her feet.

Rising to the challenge, Brian jumped up after her and followed her out into the soothing rain. The light breeze tugged at his shirt and wet hair and he felt light and airy as he jumped over the pungent lavender plants to reach her, eagerly pulling her into his arms and trying to kiss her, despite her playful and teasing attempts to push him away.

“No, bad boy!” she giggled as he locked his arms around her waist and began kissing her neck.

“You’ve known me long enough to know that I’m never a good boy,” Brian replied with a grin as he claimed her as his own. “Especially with you!”

“You’re just cruel,” she murmured. “Always picking on me…” She suddenly sighed as Brian began sucking her neck and tiled to allow him better access.

“You don’t seem to complain,” he said in between kisses. He drew apart form her, but still held her hands. “I can’t wait until tomorrow night. I won’t to know what it feels like to be here all the time.”

“We’ll soon find out,” Karine sighed. “I’m going to be counting the minutes until we’re together forever.”

Brian leaned into her arms, not caring that both of them were now thoroughly dripping wet from the soft sprinkling of rain. True love… he had never dreamt that it would ever feel like this. It always seemed to happen to other people, but never to him. When he was with a woman none of them had ever had his heart beating so fast in his entire life. With her it was all easy and simple and they had a life to look forward to in a beautiful world where there was no critics or harsh onlookers greedily lying in wait to snatch up every single detail about him. He had never felt so content in his life ever before, nothing mattered when he was beneath a midnight sky and a thick canopy of blossoms and leaves with Karine. What else could he ever need?

Brian released her hands and slowly stepped out from beneath the canopy and the slight protection it offered from the rain to walk out into the soft falling droplets. He raised his head and smiled up at the stars that watched them through the tiny cracks in the clouds. Perfect. No one else mattered except himself and Karine… that life was a vague dream now and nothing else.

He smiled invitingly at her and held his hands out. She followed him and accepted his hand. “Let’s walk,” he said.

The ground was damp with the rain but it was soft as it nestled between his toes. It was like the scene of a sweet fairy tale with the whispering rushing of the waterfall at the end of the pool and the trickling of the rain as it danced on the huge leaves and the fragranced flower petals.

He led her over to the pool as the falling rain slowed from the cloudy sky. He raised his head and watched as the billowing clouds began to thin and allow the pinpricks of starlight to rule the night. He leaned down on his hand and knees and peered into the water to see his shimmering reflection watching him. It looked so different to the mirror image he saw in his own world where a weak, ghost haunted his looks. This was the right place for him.

He smiled as Karine rested her hands on his shoulder and her face appeared beside his own in the water’s reflection. He stretched a hand back and pressed it into her own, loving the way they fit so perfectly together.

“What do you see?” she whispered, her lips brushing against his ear for a brief moment.

Brian stared out into the centre of the pool. He could see the moonlight creeping into view and spreading the quivering surface with a wash of honeyed whiteness. He leaned over his shoulder to see Karine again. “Everything I ever wanted,” he murmured.

Karine rose to her feet and, a sparkling and teasing smile resting on her lips while her eyes gazed at him adoringly.

“Watch,” she whispered. She kissed her hand and then pressed it to Brian’s mouth before walking backwards towards the water. She smiled at him and then closed her eyes. He waited for her feet to dip into the water, but instead she stepped out onto it as if it were a smooth surface of glass. He watched in awe as she took another step, now bathed in the light of the midnight sky.

“How do you do that?” he breathed.

She smiled and opened her eyes again. Slowly she opened her arms out and beckoned to him. “Come here Brian. I want to see if you can do it.”

Gulping nervously in the warm air he tentatively stepped towards the water, but stopped a few inches away form where the water lapped at the ground. He looked down at his own feet and then up at Karine who was still standing perfectly upon the pool. “How do I …?” he murmured nervously. The rain was still falling lightly and making little circles upon the water, showing him that it was liquid and not glass that could be walked upon. The rain mingled with the stars and moon only made Karine look like an enchanted princess.

She reached out and took his hands. “Close your eyes,” she breathed. “I’ll show you.”

Brian nodded, almost breathless as his heart sighed inside of him. Softly he grasped Karine’s hands and closed his eyes obediently. Slowly she began to lead him forwards and his breathing became harder as he prepared himself for the rush of cold about his feet, certain that he would fall straight through.

Strangely though he felt nothing yet and he braced himself as he took another step forwards. He could feel something cool and wet beneath his feet and tingling excitement was electrifying his body.

“Open your eyes,” Karine whispered.

Slowly Brian did so and he gasped as he realised how far out he now was in the pool. He looked down and then instinctively grasped Karine tight to him as he saw that he was upon the water.

Karine laughed and her hands entangled about his back. Brian’s eyes flickered open again and he looked at his feet. He could feel the water rippling beneath his bare toes and heels. He smiled up at Karine and his hands clasped her shoulders. “Wow,” he whispered. He laughed as he realised that he could move his feet quite easily. “This is amazing.”

Karine’s eyes were bright and overflowing with love that as she placed a light kiss upon his mouth. “It’s happening,” she whispered. “You’re becoming a part of my world.”

Brian wrapped his arms about her as the rain grew heavier to splash the water about their feet. He smiled and his eyes closed in beautiful bliss as she pressed her face into his shoulder. He rocked his body against hers. Tomorrow night would be the beginning of forever.

“I love you,” he whispered. “So much.”

And tomorrow night that love would be eternal.


****** lyris used 'home' by erasure*****

He could feel soft kisses and touches being tenderly placed upon his damp skin by gentle lips, but the pleasantness and beauty were suddenly dissolving and he could no longer feel anything. Brian’s mouth opened and closed in a silent, but screaming and desperate protest.

It was cold and suddenly his limbs were heavy as if they were dead. It was hard to breathe… it seemed to take up too much energy, energy that he no longer possessed. Life was suddenly so very, very tiring… He did not want to feel this way. He wanted the warmth of his dream world with an overhanging bright moon that painted everything in silky light before laughing and playing upon the dancing surface of the pool.

It was all gone now and Brian clung onto the image with his mind, hoping that he could delay his mind’s arrival back into the grim waking world that was so empty without his love. It was all fading too fast though and bliss was being carried further and further away from him.

“Brian? Brian, wake up! Please God wake up!”

The sweet blanket of warm drowsiness was beginning to transform into a sickening, suffocating rug that was squeezing the strength from him. He gasped as the voice cut into him, burning him with fizzles of cold pain that scorched and sliced him. He felt so cold, as if ice had gathered upon his brow and he could not move. The darkness had trapped him.

Then he was drowning and an icy wash was coating his soul in a thick layer of terror as he saw the gaping whirlpool opening up beneath him preparing to suck and pull his mind from reality. He could feel himself slipping away and sliding down a dark, unknown path he had never truly faced the reality of before.

“Brian!” the voice yelled.

He suddenly recognised it and his own voice was finally free. “Nick!” he gasped, choking on the emotions that battled within his throat.

He was rushing to the surface where a filmy, oily darkness tried to prevent him from breaking for air. “Nick!” He heard his own voice, a weak croak crossed with a splutter and a painful cry.

Finally his eyes were open as he pushed away the darkness. He screamed as light painfully and mockingly danced upon his eyes to split them with scorching pain and then arms were safely encasing him. He was shaking and desperately trying to draw his breath while he shivered form the cold that seemed to have lodged within his bones.

“It’s okay,” Nick soothed. “I’m here. Thank God… I thought you were dying…”

Brian weakly clung to Nick, feeling his heart hammering hard in his chest to make him feel nauseous. He felt as if his own body were made of quivering water that would vaporise into steam and nothingness at any moment. If it were not for Nick, he doubted if he would even be able to sit up without falling.

He stared vacantly about the room, scrutinising it curiously as if he had never seen it before. Everything seemed blurred as if it were a fading dream or faint hallucination.

Nick gently drew away from Brian and he saw the red, blurry eyes that dribbled fat tears onto pale cheeks. Nervously Nick ran a trembling hand through his blonde hair and then placed it against Brian’s cheek as if to check to see if he was alive. He pulled the arm away and then embraced Brian tightly again. “Brian, you’re so pale, so cold…” he whispered.

Brian tried to shake himself free of the unpleasant sensations. The transition between dream world and real world was always disorientating, but it had never been painful or frightening before. It were as if he were being thrown from beautiful heaven into the torturous bowels of blazing hell, except that he was freezing.

“Brian, please stop this,” Nick begged. “It’s becoming harder for you to wake. Next time you might not be able to wake up.”

Brian gulped slightly and closed his eyes to take a few, calming deep breaths. It was nothing, he told himself. It was always dull and dreary in his own world now. Soon he would not have to worry though. He thought of Karine and the evening they had shared together. He could still feel the magic that had seemed to flow through his toes when his feet had brushed against the water. He was a part of her world now. The pain and confusion would be over soon. He always felt better with Karine where everything else would melt from his mind. There, there was no worries or uncertainty about what he should do. There, there was only perfection. Here it was not so easy. Karine’s world began o mist over slightly with the haze of reality and the choice was harder, the correct path blurred.

“I’m okay, I’ll be fine,” he replied.

“You don’t sound so sure. You’re voice is shaking,” Nick said while he rubbed Brian’s shoulder.

Brian gently took his hand and moved it away from him. He did not want or need Nick’s concern. He had the decision in his mind. He had chosen Karine and he did not wish to face the confusion of facing his love for his friends. He could still remember Karine’s lips and their whisperings of love for one another. That was what he wanted to choose. He would not let his heart change that.

“It’ll be over soon Nick. I know what I’m doing,” he said softly.

Nick frowned for a moment and then his face paled even more as his eyes widened. He shook his head furiously. “No Brian, no! You can’t live in a dream!”

Brian slowly swung his legs around so that he was seated on the edge of the bed and reached for his jeans and a shirt. “Why not?” he whispered, trying not to think of anything but dressing himself. He had to stop his mind from wandering and dwelling on his choice.

“You-you just can’t!” Nick said flatly.

“Nick, I am leaving. I’m sorry but I am going. I want to be with her.” A beautiful simple life… all that would matter was himself and Karine and their happiness as they kissed beneath the canopy of blossom flowers.

“The witch?” Nick spat. “The witch who wants to murder you?”

Brian found his stomach quivering within him as if death were already reaching out to test its soon to be victim. ‘But I won’t die, I’ll pass into Karine’s world,’ he tried to reassure himself.

Nick folded his arms at the silence. “When?”

“Soon,” Brian said as he stood up and buttoned his shirt. His heart was thumping harder as death’s fingers began to squeeze but he tried to ignore it and focus on other things. He thought of the trees and the flowers and the calm water… he was so close to attaining his dream world now.

“It’s tonight isn’t it?” Nick said urgently. He flung his arms up into the air. “God damn it! I won’t let you go through with it! I won’t let you die for a dream!” Nick yelled desperately.

Brian backed away in shock at the outburst, cringing like a frightened, wild animal. “It’s real,” he whispered, ignoring the tremble of his words.

“How do you know?” Nick contradicted. “How do you know? For all you know, it could be just a dream… something conjured up by your imagination. You don’t know what’s going to happen!”

He felt cold again and his body was beginning to twist and writhe in confused fear. He tried to think of Karine but suddenly he could no longer draw her into his mind. All he could see was death watching him… all he was aware of was the strange man before him. The man his heart screamed at him was his loyal, close friend.

He did not want to think about it…

“I’ve made my choice…” his voice was wobbling again and he felt no certainty anymore. He gulped as his rapid heart beat sent sickening shudders throughout him. “I need walk.” Rapidly he crossed to the door.

“Brian!” Nick hissed as he followed him.

“Nick, leave me alone!” Brian snapped harshly. “You’re making it worse!” Nick and hi feelings for his friends were confusing him…

“I’m not dropping this!” Nick grabbed his arm, just as AJ walked out of the bathroom.

There was another tweak within Brian’s heart as something deep inside cried at the loss of his friends. He felt no connection to them… there was something with Nick because he had spent a lot of time with him but only something small. With the others, it was like looking at strangers, but something kept screaming at him that it was all wrong…

AJ frowned and his eyes narrowed. “Nick, I thought Kevin told you to leave Brian alone! Kevin almost pummelled you yesterday!”

“He’s got it wrong! Brian’s sick and I want to help!” Nick protested.

“I want to talk a walk,” Brian declared. He pushed Nick’s hand away. If he stayed… it would hurt too much… He wouldn’t be able to go through with tonight if he stayed with them now where their faces could pull at his mind and make him sob and cry for something lost and loved.

AJ turned to him. “Nick’s right you do look pale, but maybe the air will do you some good.”

Brian nodded and removed Nick’s arm from his shoulder to continue down the stairs. He needed to walk and stay away from them.

“I’ll come,” nick said and Brian inwardly screamed as he heard him beginning to follow.

“You’ve done enough!” AJ hissed. “You stalking him is not helping you sort this problem out! He needs time!”

Brian quickly stepped down as fast as is weakened muscles would allow him, leaving AJ and Nick to their whispered argument. Nick wouldn’t tell AJ and even if he did he wouldn’t believe it. He ignored Howie and Kevin’s calls for breakfast and instead pulled open the front door, closing his eyes as the wind blew against him

In the air it felt much better and cleaner. He felt free as the wind whipped his hair and pulled teasingly at his clothes. He began to walk along the beach path for a few minutes and then glanced up towards the house to check that Nick was not following him before setting off his own quiet walk.

The sun was shielded between the grey clouds which hinted at a little light rain to come and moisten the hard, baked sand. The wind was cool but the ground beneath his toes was warm and comforting. Tentatively he avoided the sharp stones as he walked but soon found that they did not hurt that much when he did step onto them. It was strange… he could feel the rocks tearing and ripping at the skin of his bare feet to leave them red and blood smeared, but he felt nothing. There was no pain. It was almost as if nothing could harm him. It did not matter what the world flung at him because he was invincible. He was more a part of Karine’s world than this one. This was like a misty dream.

Waves crashed and toiled upon the surface of the sea in an almost hypnotic motion, nothing like the calm surface of the pool in the grove where he would spend every evening indulged in loving with Karine. He wandered if there were beaches or seas in her world, it would be nice to swim with her in the sea.

He came to a small cluster of rocks that stretched out and overlooked the sea that eagerly tried to crash and drown them in waves of foamy saltiness. He stopped for a moment and cats his eyes out to sea. He could still remember being on that little boat as it rode over the waves with the others laughing and smiling about him.

And suddenly he was sad.

“Guys…” he whispered. He stared at the water, watching the faint light flickering from the surface. He closed his eyes as he felt a burning longing in his heart for them again. He missed them. It felt as if he were a thousand miles away, as if his mind were not even a part of the world they shared anymore.

He slowly sat down upon the sand and scooped up some of the brown grains into his hands before slowly watching as they seeped through his fingertips. He could feel his memories of this world doing the same thing… He knew it was happening. He knew something was different.

He sighed as he closed his eyes and tilted his head back to face the cloudy sky he knew towered above him. He could feel his beating heart in his chest telling him he cared about them, but there was no evidence in his mind to support that, only this strange, far away memory of the boat.

He turned his thoughts back to a shady forest where the moonlight filtered through the leaves to cast speckled shadows upon the dew dropped grass and then he could see her dark eyes watching him and a teasing smile wandering across her red lips. He was sighing at the thought of her and his eyes opened, suddenly wide and bright. His heart was almost leaping out of his chest at thoughts of her. His body was tingling of the mere thought of her…

His stared back towards the beach house, even though it was not visible with him seated upon the sands. They cared about him and they did not understand because they had never met Karine. He knew it looked bad from their point of view but why could they not respect him and his own happiness? He could make his own decisions.

“I’m sorry guys,” he whispered.

He slowly stood up and stretched his arms. He could smell the wet salt of the sea and feel the wind almost lifting him off his feet with light airiness. He stared up at the clouds and saw a single sunbeam trying to slide through the thick greyness. This was his last day here, he realised. He would never walk this life again after tonight.

He trembled at the thought and something dark sent a cold shudder through his spine. He knew he wanted this but he could not help but fear it. He thought of Karine and smiled at her image to banish all uneasiness. He would be in her arms again soon and this time it would be more than for one night at a time. He would be able to see her as the sun danced through the silk of her hair and brought out the dazzling brightness of her eyes.

He began to clamber up onto the rugged rocks, not caring when his foot sipped and spilt blood onto it. Pain did not matter when his mind was so elevated by happiness. He was no longer a part of this world. His love for Karine protected him against the sensations of pain.

He pulled himself up onto the jagged point which stood a few metres above the surface of the sea. He smiled as the wind caught him in its zephyr grasp even more and the waves crashed against the sides to send huge sprays of water flying up into the air. He carefully stepped forward, feeling the slimy wetness of the rocks beneath his feet. He could see the sea even more clearly from this slightly higher location. He saw the white capped waves playing before him while the sun fought to pierce the clouds and illuminate their watery display.

He tilted his head slightly. In a strange way he felt that it was beautiful, not like the peaceful and colourful prettiness of Karine’s forest, but in some other way. This was his world. This was where he lived…

But he knew that he belonged with Karine.

“I’m gonna miss this,” he murmured to himself.

He peered over the very edge at the deep water below and suddenly he felt the most overwhelming desire to leap in amongst the waves and join them in their antics.

“Hey Brian, catch!”

A splash of water was suddenly hurled at his face and he laughed as he felt the coolness soaking his hair and dribbling out down his face.

“AJ, I’ll get you back for that!” he called as he began to swim towards his friend.

Another spurt of water was hitting him and he turned to see a laughing blonde haired face grinning at him before he stuck his tongue out.

“Nick!” he cried.

He gasped slightly and then took a step away from the edge. He remembered… he remembered swimming out into the sea with the others. The sun had been sparkling upon the rippling water and he had felt the smoothness of the water massaging his skin under the heat of the summer day. He remembered being happy… why was it so far away now? The only placed he seemed to fit was with Karine, but he knew he had once been perfectly content here with the others. So strange…

Another memory was floating along the surface of his mind… he was holding Karine beneath a midnight sky. Looking up he could see the prickles of starlight shimmering on the carpet of eternal and beautiful darkness. There was water beneath his feet while a lightness filled his heart. Her breath was against his neck and he could hear her murmuring her love for him.

There was no choice. He knew what he wanted more than anything. He wanted to hear her voice again. His stomach crumpled with weakness when he thought of never seeing her. He smiled at the memory of Nick and the others and vowed to remember it when he passed over. He would remember them and think of them… but he could never be with them after tonight. He wanted Karine and love. He knew it was wrong to cast his friends away but this was something special…

He looked down at the water, his head feeling clear for the first time since waking up. He wanted to swim again in the sea once more. He wanted to swim in the water of the real world before he never saw it again. He stepped closer to the edge and then raised his arms and closed his eyes and prepared to jump.

“Brian!”

He heard the scream, but he was already leaping through the air and then he was surrounded by the cool smoothness of water. He opened his eyes to be met by a blue blur and then he was bursting above to the surface in a flailing ecstasy of water droplets. He smiled to himself, loving the feeling of the water on his body… but suddenly he was being grasped in fearsome arms and he gasped in pain as someone seized his neck with powerful arms. He was being dragged through the water and he flung his arms out in fear as he cried out above the splashing of the waves.

His legs were suddenly trailing against the wet ground as the water became shallower and then finally he was released and he fell to his hands and knees gasping in pain. He raised his head and then found hands gripping his shoulders as he was forcefully shook.

“What were you doing?” an angry voice screamed. “Were you trying to commit suicide?”

Brian angrily pushed the arms away and dragged himself out of the water to the sand. He ran a hand through his dripping hair and wiped his eyes before swinging around to confront the one who had ruined his swim. Nick.

He rolled his eyes and shook his head. Nick did not understand. “I was swimming, Nick,” he said flatly. It had been his last chance to swim in the sea and try to regain some more memories of the others to take with him into Karine’s world and Nick had spoilt everything.

“You could have drowned!” Nick cried. “Those waves are strong!”

“And I am a good swimmer!” Brian replied as he stood p to try and brush some of the irritating wet sand from his arms. “What’s the big deal?” he snapped.

“You should never come out swimming alone!” Nick stepped forward and seized Brian’s arms again. “Never! Anything could happen! Stop trying to kill yourself!”

“I’m not going to kill myself! I just wanted to swim!” If he died then he would never see Karine again. He had to die when he fell asleep and he had to be secure of what he wanted. He was ready for that. He knew he wanted the beauty and love. He couldn’t have either if he tried to drown himself.

“You’re crazy,” Nick muttered.

Brian’s head shot up and his eyes narrowed in fury. “I am not crazy! I am not nuts! My dreams are real, you just don’t understand it! You only see what you want to see!”

“I am seeing you fade away from me!” Nick screamed. “You think I want to lose you?”

“I am sick of arguing with you Nick!” Brian cried. Every day this was happening and he was tired of the screams. By yelling, nick only pushed Brian further and further away. What had happened to the laughing man in the water who had so childishly flung water at him? He unclenched Nick’s hand and turned away from him.

“Why won’t you wake up from your dream Brian? Why can’t you see what’s happening to you?”

Brian stopped but refused to turn again. “I know what’s happening and I want it to happen.” He sighed and then spun around to meet Nick’s gaze. “I love her, I want to be with her. Wouldn’t you do anything for the person you loved?”

“Not if it destroyed me.”

Nick did not understand the completeness he felt when Karine was with him. She did not destroy him, she made him see who he really was. She made him see that he did not have to be a Backstreet Boy to be loved. “She’s not destroying me.”

“Isn’t she? She’s going to kill you!”

“I won’t let you twist this into something it isn’t.” Brian turned away and began to walk down the beach. “I’m leaving Nick. I love her and I’ve made my choice. I’m sorry, but this is how I want it to be. This is my last day with you guys. It would be nice if you did not shout at me.”

The words became louder as he strode away, until they could only be carried to Nick via the cold wind.

It was quite a long walk back to the beach house and Brian was surprised at how far he had come. He turned to stare behind him several times but he could not see Nick anywhere. If only Brian could show him Karine then he knew that he would finally see why Brian had made his choice.

“Where have you been?” Kevin asked.

His cousin was waiting for him on the porch of the beach house when Brian finally returned, still wet from the water and now beginning to shiver a little as his body temperature dropped. “Swimming,” Brian replied simply.

“Are you crazy?” Kevin thundered. “You’re sick and you shouldn’t be in the water! You better come inside.”

Brian had no choice as he was dragged inside. He watched Kevin fluster as he searched for a towel but although Brian shivered he did not feel very cold. He had felt icy all day and now was no different.

“You really are pale,” Kevin said as he wrapped a towel about Brian’s shoulders.

“I’m better now,” Brian murmured. He was clear about what he was doing.

“You sure? You still seem kinda vacant and there’s this far away look in your eyes. It’s weird… Like you’re in some other world almost.”

Kevin had no idea how right he was.

Brian smiled uncontrollably as Karine entered his mind. He glanced at the clock and watched the hands crawling slowly around the face. Soon he would be walking with her barefoot in the forest again. His breathing was becoming quicker in anticipation. He had already decided what he was going to do… take her beneath the petals that danced form the blossom trees as they fell and then she would be his as he proposed to her and sealed their love for eternity.

“Brian, are you listening to me?” Kevin asked.

Brian tuned himself back into reality and smiled again. “I’m fine. I’m happy.”

Kevin frowned at the cryptic response. “You really have been a little odd lately. I really hope you and Nick can sort out what’s happened between you, but I swear if I catch him hurting you again… and you make sure you tell me if he tries anything. He had no right to get that angry with you. What were you fighting about?”

Brian waved it aside. “Just stuff. He won’t respect my choices.”

Kevin sighed. “Well tell him where to shove it. Wait there, I’ll get you a hot drink.”

Brian slowly watched him go. All his movements felt slow as if he were performing them in thick syrup or mud. His dreams used to feel like this… you can never move quickly in a dream or even speak very loudly. It seemed like that now. Everything was quiet.

For a moment he knew he had returned to the world upon the beach but now he was enchanted by his love again. He had returned to this world to make a competent decision and now it was made he was rapidly drifting away again. The colours were runny and watery and nothing felt real anymore…

“Hey Brian, are you feeling better?” a voice asked.

Brian turned his head and nodded as he saw Howie standing by the door. He smiled again. He smiled a lot at the moment, trying to show everyone that what he was about to do was right.

“Good, but you still don’t look too well. Why are you all wet?”

Brian looked down at his clothes and tried to laugh, but form the look on Howie’s face he knew that it was rather strained. “Me and nick just messing.”

“You two made up now?”

Brian shrugged. “I don’t care.” Nick was determined to ruin Brian’s happiness. He wanted to shatter Brian’s love and wipe Karine from his memory. At least Karine was sorry he was losing his friends. Nick wasn’t sorry that Brian would lose Karine if he stayed here.

“Don’t say that!” Howie chided. “He’s your best friend and he thinks the world of you! He would do anything for you!”

It did not feel like it.

“Remember that time he helped you when your ex girlfriend left you?”

Brian furrowed his brow and tried to draw the memory from his jumbled mind, but it seemed to be lodged in somewhere where he could not reach it. He lowered his head, wanting to find some recollection of that event… but it was not there.

Howie suddenly reached out and patted him on the shoulder. “You two will get through this.” He stood up. “I’m going out for a while, you need anything?”

Brian slowly shook his head. He was trembling. He could no longer see his life and suddenly he could see how clearly it was all fading away.

“You take care of yourself. I’ll see you later.”

“Bye,” Brian murmured. He gulped slightly and raised his head to watch Howie go. He stared across at the clock and noticed how little time he had left on this world. “Karine,” he whispered.

He wanted her. He wanted to be with her… but suddenly he was not so sure he wanted to leave.

He thought of the salt water of the sea as it gleefully met his body and the light feeling of weightlessness that had covered him. That was all real, that had not felt like a strange dream he was trapped within.

“Here.”

A mug of steaming liquid was suddenly placed before him. Brian reached out and took it, feeling the warmth soaking into his hands. He sighed and then held the cup to his face, inhaling the delicious aroma. “Thank you Kevin.”

“It’s okay,” Kevin replied. “I just hope it brings some life back to you.”

Brian turned his head to catch himself in the mirror and stared aghast as a ghost stared back at him. His eyes were sunken into his head amid dark circles and his cheeks were pale and waxy like the dead. His eyes were dull and grey… and it was because he was dying.

He was dying.

He stared back at Kevin, his eyes wide to see his cousin clearly. He would never see Kevin again. Kevin was family… What about his family.?

‘What about Karine?’

Last minute fear was closing in as he heard the clock striking the house, like the grim roll of the death drums. He suddenly stood up, the cup of hot chocolate falling from his hands to stain the plush pink carpet below his sore feet, suddenly aching with pain after having cut them on the rocks.

“Brian? Brian, what’s wrong?” Kevin crossed to him in concern. “What happened to your feet?”

Brian stared at him and then began to back away. He had to escape… His heart was screaming at him. Why was his mind so distant from Kevin’s? Why was he so apart from his family?

He was going to die…

‘Karine…’

He would not let fear snatch her away. He’d made his choice… He would not let it be changed. He knew what happiness awaited him. He was always confused when he was awake, this time was no different…

He whirled around and began to run as fast as his cut and damaged feet would allow him. He was gasping in deep, heavy breaths as he tripped up the stairs, ignoring Kevin’s calls from behind.

He slammed the door to his room shut and slid the bolt across before pressing his back to the wood.

“Brian!” Kevin called. “Brian! What’s wrong?”

He covered his face in his hands and found tears there. He stared at them on his hands as if they were drop of his own blood… they were drops of his soul, his soul that was leaking away…

His time in this world was drawing to a close. He was weak, he was tired, he wanted to sleep… but he did not know if he was ready to die. He thought he had been before Nick and the others became involved.

The warm tears continued to fall and slowly he slid down the door until he was miserably sitting upon the carpeted floor. He clasped his hands in his lap and leaned his head back, ignoring the sound of Kevin’s hands as they furiously banged against the door.

He pulled the towel about him and wrapped himself within it. He had felt cold all day and now it was becoming worse. He felt weaker than ever as he cried silently to himself.

“What do I do? What do I do?” he whispered desperately.

This morning when he had woken up it had been clear as the water he had walked upon. He had still felt Karine’s touches and gentle kisses and the sanctity of the that world. It always changed here in this chaotic place. There was one thing he knew though… he loved her. He was meant for her. No one had ever had him breathing so fast. No one had ever made him live for them. She was heaven.

But that world seemed far away now and uncertainty and fear were crawling about him in anticipation.

And then there was the guys and his mixed feelings for them.

‘What do I do?”

He stared up at the ceiling and ignored Kevin’s cries and his urgent conversation with AJ while he asked what was wrong. He wanted to shut out their voices. He covered his ears and pretended that everything was going to be okay. He pretended that when he fell asleep, he would be able to have both his friends and Karine.

“What’s going on?”

He recognised Nick’s voice and he stifled a cry as his hand flew to his mouth. All of Nick’s words were rushing about him and then there was the memory of them playing in the sparkling water waves while they laughed.

“Let me talk to him alone. I know what’s wrong.”

“No go away,” Brian whispered to himself. He crawled away from the door, as if the wood were not enough to separate them. He stayed by the wall, not wanting to seek refuge in his bed like he normally did. He knew that the next time he lie down there, he would die.

“Brian, talk to me,” Nick begged.

Brian shook his head furiously and wrapped his arms about his knees. “Karine, Karine Karine,” he whispered over and over again. He thought of her dark hair, her skin and her lips…

He smiled and for a moment his tears were blessed with brief happiness at the thoughts of her sweet soul. He imagined that there was no choice anymore and nothing difficult about leaving his life behind. He pretended that Nick did not exist…

“Brian… please…” Nick was crying. He was sobbing.

Brian bit his lip to stop himself from crying himself and forcefully he pushed away the urge to open the door and fall into Nick’s welcoming arms. He glanced at the time, but that did not matter. He knew that he could sleep now and forget about this life.

It had to be done now before he cracked under everything he was feeling and fell and lost Karine forever.

“Brian!”

He gave a slight sob as he clambered to his feet. This was his destiny… It ahd to be. He wanted this hard life to be over. He didn’t know how to choose so the only thing to do was to keep the door locked and fall asleep before he could break down. He wanted to be with Karine, but the final step scared him.

He remembered holding her hands in his as they stood inside the crystal cave with the light shimmering rainbows on every surface. He remembered kissing her and teasing her as they lie beneath the canopy.

Trembling Brian slowly made his way towards the bed… suddenly it was no longer as inviting as it had been every other night. Suddenly it seemed to be made with black cloth that was used at funerals. He remembered seeing such a cloth at a relative’s funeral. Pale faced and teary eyed he had watched the cloak of death fold down.

He opened his eyes, suddenly realising that they had been closed and took a deep breath, feeling the air soar to his aching lungs. There was no turning back.

He slowly lie down and pulled the blanket over his body, his head resting lightly against the pillow. It was cold and no matter how hard he held the covers to him his skin still seemed to feel like ice. He shivered as he felt his body beginning to relax. He was so tired… sleep seemed so welcoming… but yet so frightening.

But now the pain was vanishing and he felt something incredibly warm and soothing washing over him.

‘Brian…’

He could hear her voice calling to him and almost feel the wind. It had never felt this real before… it felt as if the wind were in the room with him and now he was beginning to hear the gentle murmur of the stream. This choice was no longer scary for his soul. He was now more aware than ever what he was giving his life for…

“Karine,” he murmured with a smile resting on his lips.

“Brian!” a voice suddenly screamed. There was a loud banging as Nick hammered on the door, threatening to jolt him from his pleasant trance. He did not want that anymore though. He had been afraid all day of this moment, never quite sure if he was prepared but now he knew he was. He could feel his heart burning with love and excitement and everything about him was beginning to fade and drain away.

He opened his eyes and suddenly he could see her bending over him, tears bubbling in her eyes in joy.

“I didn’t think you were coming,” she whispered.

Brian said nothing and only reached out to take her face and draw her lips to his own in a sweet loving kiss. “I love you,” he whispered.

She smiled, her tears falling onto his face. “I love you,” she murmured.

“Brian!!”

The scream came from somewhere else and then he heard a terrible crashing noise. Suddenly Karine and the forest were gone as he was yanked back into the waking world by the atrocious noise about him.

Startled and afraid he cried out as hands grabbed him and began to shake him. “Brian, wake up!” Nick screamed. “Don’t do this! Don’t do this!”

Brian felt sick and dizzy and he everything was out of focus. He tried to reply but his lips would barely move. He was so cold…

Suddenly everything swung back into view and he could see Nick’s blue eyes crying above him as his friend clasped his hands and pulled him into his arms. Brian began to sob at the sight of those eyes and tremble. He had almost drifted into Karine’s world completely where he would have been away from Nick.

“You’re so cold,” Nick whispered as he held him close. “Stay with me. It’s okay… don’t cry.”

Brian clung to Nick dearly for a moment but he felt sick and numb. He loved Nick as his friend but…

“Karine!” he sobbed suddenly.

It was gone and he was surrounded by fear and confusion again. He could no longer hear Karine or feel the forest growing about him. It was all gone. He choked and felt his heart and stomach trying to violently wrench themselves from his body in nausea as he realised that her love was gone.

“No… I want to sleep,” he whispered, trying to throw Nick’s arms off of him in vain. “Please…”

“Brian… no. You want to live, I know you do…”

“I-I-I…” he stammered crazily. “I… don’t… know…”

He had been living in two realities for days now and it had always given him too contrasting points of life. He could make a decision in one but never make the same choice in the other. He had just managed to reconcile his fears. He had been prepared to die in that moment he had been wrapped in soft drowsiness but there was nothing peaceful now.

He grabbed Nick close and rested his head on his shoulder like a baby while he was rocked. “Nick… I love her!” he wailed.

There was too much pain flowing through his body, every part of him was burning as needles cramped his organs to send torturous turmoil screaming around his veins. He remembered her touch and he seized hold of Nick even tighter. She was gone…

He was screaming… he could hear his own voice wailing in misery but still he clung to Nick… no longer knowing who he was crying for.

The beach was drenched in the early morning light of the summer sun that rode high upon a chariot of fluffy, white clouds floating in the sky. The beams danced and smiled at all those below, picking out the thousand golden hues of the sandy beach and running gaily across the gentle waves of the sea.

Brian watched from the rocky pinnacle he had seated himself upon. He could feel the sunlight upon his skin, tingling him and filling him with beautiful warmth. He raised his head and stared up at the sky above before lowering his head again.

His eye stung after countless tears that had left them red and swollen. “Karine,” he whispered to himself. He looked out across the water, the waves lapping peacefully at the honey coloured shore. He thought of her in the rain, their hair wet and tangled but their skin burning at the other’s touches.

She was gone. Her promise had been to never touch him again if he chose not to be with her on that final night. He had been pulled from bliss by Nick’s arms where tears and fear had covered him in victory. He had been unable to think or choose…

When he finally had fallen into a troubled sleep, she had not been there to welcome him. There had been nothing but a vague collection of strange images. A normal dream.

She was gone.

He cradled his head in his arms away from the light. The tears had stricken his cheeks with red trails and his arms ached while his heart hummed in a lonely lament.

“Brian,” a voice said from behind him quietly.

Brian raised his head but did not turn. “Go away,” he whispered hatefully.

“I just wanted to save you,” Nick whispered helplessly.

Brian watched a wave rise and fall and listened to the soothing sound. He thought of the waterfall that used to spill into the pool when he was with Karine and then he was forced to discontinue that thought as he felt his heart rising and trying to burst in spasms of pain. “Don’t talk to me.”

He could remember what it felt as the pain and confusion began to drift away. In that second he had known what was right. He thought of the last kiss he had shared with her and the taste of strawberries that she had left lingering upon his lips.

“She was killing you! She was taking you away!” Nick cried desperately.

Brian finally stood up and whirled around to confront his friend. “You understand nothing!” he snapped. “It was my choice! My choice!” He looked away for a moment. “It was my choice, but you didn’t let me choose! You were too afraid that I would leave you! You are so selfish!”

“Brian, I care about you!” Nick said close to tears. “We all do! We were worried and you didn’t know what you wanted! I saw your face, I heard your voice yesterday! You were almost glad I stopped you!”

Brian shook his head. “You made me confused. I had made my choice but you made me confused! It wasn’t easy you know! Why did you stop me Nick? It was my dream and you took it away!”

“What was I supposed to do?” Nick said, dribble of water running down his cheeks. “Just let you fade and die?”

“You didn’t understand!”

“You should have explained!”

Brian’s eyes narrowed. “I tried to explain, but you wouldn’t let me. You just kept rambling on about her being a witch. Well you were wrong! She let me choose! She did not want to take me away but I chose it! I loved her! I loved her so much.” His voice was beginning to crumble and crack with sobs. “Love like that only comes once in a lifetime, and only to some lucky few. You wouldn’t let me take it!”

He turned again and stared back at the sea, just as the sun glided a few beams over the surface to give off a dazzling display of rolling hues and sparkles. He sobbed slightly and a tear split the light into thousands of little glimmers in his eye. He placed his hands to his face. “We’re finished! Backstreet is over!”

He was crying again. He had thought that he was raw inside and that there were no tears left but here they were.

“So you’re prepared to lose us as well as her?” Nick shouted. “I’m sorry!” he screamed. “I’m sorry I took you away from her but I was trying to do what was best! I didn’t know! I saw you dying and I wanted to save you! I’m so sorry!” Nick was sobbing, his voice catching on sniffles and chokes.

Brian turned, his chest aching at the sight of Nick’s face and the tears that coated it. He remembered crying once himself when his last girlfriend had walked out… he remembered breaking down while Nick held him close.

He looked out to the sea once more and thought of her. ‘You love them.’

He closed his eyes at the memory of her voice and then he was running to Nick, sobbing as he fell into those arms. Nick gave a slight cry and held him tightly, his arms wrapping about his friend. Brian pressed his face against Nick’s warm jersey, drying his tears on the thick fabric while the sun danced about them.

“I’m sorry,” Brian murmured. “I’m sorry I scared you.”

Nick shook his head. “No Brian, I’m sorry for what I did.”

Brian turned and looked at the beach below. The smooth water was rolling in great, tantalising waves of joy before lightly teasing the sands by touching them ever so lightly, almost like a lover tentatively kissing their partner. The sun brought out every shade of the beach so that a carpet of gold stretched out below him, waiting for him to step out onto it and return to life.

It was beautiful.

The breeze was light and warm and did a wonderful duty of blowing the sunlight against his skin. He hadn’t appreciated these sensations before but now he was loving every single one. He could smell the salt of the sea that reflected the sun and hear the melody of the whispering waves. So beautiful…

“Brian, your mom called this morning,” Nick said finally.

His mother. Brian blinked a few times, memories beginning to return as if the had never left him. He had a family, a family that loved him, a family that had fought to keep him alive as a five year old child. He smiled at the thought of speaking with her.

He turned back to Nick and nodded. “Okay.”

Nick smiled at him and draped an arm over Brian’s shoulders. “Let’s go,” he said softly.

Brian returned the smile and found that it was easy to do. He had thought he would never feel the curving of his lips again but here he was. Life did not end after all.

“Nick?” he said.

“Yes?”

“Maybe you did the right thing.”



* * * * * * * *

Rain trickled from the barren boughs of the dying trees. The branches looming through the air like decaying skeletons of grief and death. The last brown leaf was teased into releasing its pathetic grip upon the tree that had so lovingly nurtured it before falling to the ground amid a splatter of cold rain.

There was no warm, bright light to spill out onto the sadness as the moon was entrapped behind a prison of stormy, grey clouds that mockingly threw their watery cargo onto the world below while grinning smugly at their power that could seal the stars from the sky.

Rain smashed the surface of the pool, sending out huge ripples that spoilt the smoothness and sent the waterfall into a roaring flow that angrily thundered into the once calm water.

Karine slowly walked through the grove, her despair killing everything around her. In her pale hands she clasped a few dying flowers to her chest while she approached the pool, the bottom of her black dress trailing behind her on the muddy ground.

She hid her face from the world by her veil, her teary eyes hiding behind the thin, weak barrier. She slowly leant down upon the ground and trailed a hand over the water, thinking of how they had walked upon it together. For a brief moment she had finally felt that she could be happy. No one had ever been so perfect or so beautiful.

She gently placed the flowers upon the surface and watched as the rain quickly tore apart the weak petals and sent them into the watery darkness of the pool. She tried to look up and pick out a single star that she could wish upon but it was covered in oppressive clouds.

“Brian,” she whispered.

She pulled the veil from her face, not afraid to show everything around her what she was feeling. She threw it into the pool and then clasped her empty arms about her chest as if she could muffle the clenching pain that was slowly killing her. She would be glad when the heartbreak finally claimed her soul. She would be glad of oblivion over this loss.

She thought of him, his blue eyes that had first enchanted her… his lips that had licked against her skin and his love that had lifted her form her feet and into a feeling she had only ever imagined.

She smiled, knowing he would be happy with his friends. “At least you don’t have to choose anymore,” she whispered.

She bowed her head and then wept. It had been made for him.



THE END


so what did you think?? you like the ending?

thanks to my reviewers! it's lovely to get feedback and i never seem to get much! thank you!!