The phone rang, and Joanna threw herself at it, praying that it would be the call she'd been waiting for.

"'Ello"

"Hello, this is Simon Carpenter with Carpenter Childcare Agencies, calling for a miss Erics"

"I'm Joanna Erics"

"Congratulations miss Erics, you've got the job you interviewed for."

"Really? Oh, that's great" A smile widened on Joanna's face.

"I believe that you do not know who you will be working for?"

"No, the interview was anonymous, but they seemed like really nice people."

"They are. The child in question is called Baylee, and he will be three years old in a couple of months. His parents are Leighanne and Brian Littrell. I think you may have heard of the father's band, the Backstreet Boys."


Joanna looked at the phone in her hand, dumbstruck. Slowly she put it back to her ear.

"Oh, I've heard of them."

"Good. Then maybe you understand that working for mr. and mrs. Littrell requires a bit of an extra effort from you. Tours, press, paparazzi and so on. Your task will be to protect Baylee against the two last, while sometimes on the first, and sometimes at their home."

"Of course."

"And do you accept these premises?"

"Yes, I do."

"Good. I will send you the contract. Read it, sign it, send it back to me so that I can start taking care of your travel arrangements."

"Thank you."

"Goodbye miss Erics"

"Bye!"


She remained standing next to the phone, mumbling to herself. "oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my GOD!!!!" She'd got the job, wich was great in itself, but working for Brian of the Backstreet Boys... She shook her head. "Lina is going to kill me!" she said out loud, to noone in particular.


Joanna had been searching for a teaching job since she'd got her teachers degree, but her home country wasn't exactly full of interesting offers, so she'd started looking into going abroad to work. She had decided that America would be the perfect place, not only to work but to get away from everything. She'd left her resumée at a dozen childcare agencies, and it hadn't taken long until she'd got the call from mr. Carpenter, asking if she could consider doing an interview with an anonymous couple. She had accepted, and just a few hours later she got a call from a man and a woman. She liked them from the start, and they had spent an hour and a half talking about children, her education, her background and her dreams for the future. She hadn't had the slightest idea that she was talking to a Backstreet Boy.


A couple of days went by, Joanna signed the contract, after almost choking herself with coffee while reading the paycheck part. She didn't say anything to anyone, just went to work as usual, sat all day in the check-out at a grocery store, went back home to her boyfriend and tried to act normal. Apparently she wasn't doing that well with the normal part, and after a terrible fight over dinner about nothing at all, her boyfriend, Andy, came into the kitchen where she was finishing the dishes. He sat on a counter and asked her what was wrong. Inhaling deeply she looked him in the eyes and blurted out: "I've got a job offer. I'm going to America to work as a nanny."

"That's great love!" She avoided his eyes, turned her back on him to place some plates in a cupboard. "What, Jo? Isn't it great? Are you not happy about this?". Suddenly he understood. "Are you leaving me, Jo?"

She nodded. "Andy.... Our relationship has been over for awhile now. You know that as well as I do. All we ever do is fight. We're not happy. I can see it in your eyes. You don't love me anymore. This is just hurting both of us. I'm leaving as soon as possible."

"God... I DO love you. Why can't you see that?"

"I have to do this Andy. I have to leave! I'm going out of my fucking mind here."

"But Jo... I want you to stay. I need you. We can work this out."

Tears flooded Jo's eyes. She hated this. She was hurting the only man she'd ever loved. But there was nothing more she could do. They had tried so many times, but it always went down in flames. "I'm sorry." She kissed him on the cheek, grabbed her coat and walked out, tears falling free over her face. She walked the short distance to Lina, her best friend, and knocked on the door. She could hear music blasting inside the apartment. Lina was playing Backstreet Boys. "She's going to kill me" Jo muttered under her breath, smiling through the tears when her friend answered the door.

"Jo? What's happened baby? Come in!"

"I just broke up with Andy."

"What?"

"I'm going to America to work."

Lina looked puzzled. "Again: What?"

"We just fight. All the time. I need a break. I hate my job, I want to work with children. So I got an offer to come to a family in America. It seems as the perfect way out of everything."

"You're leaving?"

Jo nodded. "Soon."

"How soon?"

"Four days."

"Oh, darling! I'm going to miss you, and I'm sure Andy will to, but this is flippin' awesome!"

Smiling and drying her cheeks Jo giggled "You haven't heard the best part yet..."

"Tell me. Now! All of it!"

"Well, the people I'm gonna work for... ehm... They're kinda famous."

"Who? Tell me now, you're just teasing me!"

Jo looked up at the huge poster that covered almost half of Lina's livingroom wall. There sat her future employer, looking down at her, smiling. She nodded at the picture. Lina just looked at her, not getting quite what she meant. Then, it was almost as if someone had switched on a lightbulb over her head. "You're lying" she whispered. Jo shook her head and got her copy of the contract out of her pocket. Lina looked at it, her beautiful face almost cramped up. Then she let out a scream that could have woken up every dead person in a twenty-mile-radie. "You lucky b!tch!!! Oh my God, I hate you!" She fell back over the armrest of the sofa laughing as if she'd gone crazy. And for the first time since she'd gotten the news, Jo cracked up and laughed with her friend, feeling as if everything was going to be ok. Suddenly, she just couldn't wait to go.

Jo was sitting in the waiting hall at the airport, her mum and dad were there, and so was Lina.


"Take care now, darling, and promise you'll call us as soon as you get there! Do you have your passport?"

"Yeah, mom, I've got it. It's ok. I promise." Jo threw her backpack up on her shoulder, smoothed out her messy red-brown hair and smiled.

"You better call me to, or I'm going to kill you. And..."

"Don't worry, Lina. I'll call you. I'll take pictures. I'll write you every day. But no, I'm not going to break up Brian and his wife so that you can have him, I'm sorry, but it wouldn't be professional." She laughed at her friend's surprised face and gave her a hug. "Yeah, I knew you were going to ask me..." she giggled. To her surprise her friend was teary-eyed when she let go.

"I'm going to miss you, Jo."

"Oh, Lina, I'm going to miss you too... But you can come visit, I promise!"

"Promise?"

"Yes. I prom... Andy. Who told him I was here?"

"That would be me." Lina waved her arm in the air, with a slightly guilty look on her face.


Jo met Andy's green eyes. He'd been crying. She could see it. He stood in the middle of the waiting hall, just looking at her. He was so gorgeous. For a moment she wondered if she'd done the right thing. But the doubts disappeared when he took a few steps towards her. One of them had to be strong, and obviously it wasn't going to be him. She walked to meet him and put her arms around him in a big hug.


"Passengers on flight SDE7274 to Atlanta Airport to gate 23 please!"


"So you're really going to do this?"

She broke loose from his embrace and he shook his head.

"Don't answer that right now. I have something I want to ask you." He fell down on one knee in front of her, taking her hands in his. "I've loved you for seven years. We were just kids when we met, just kids when we fell in love. Do you remember?"


"Passengers on flight SDE7274 to Atlanta Airport to gate 23 please!"


Jo looked him in the eyes, almost begging him to stop. Her knees were weak and her head was spinning. This had been one of their most frequent fights. She'd wanted to commit, start a family, she had felt old even though she was just 24, as if it was way past her due-date. He was just a year older and thought they had all the time in the world. She couldn't bear to answer his question, just nodded.

"We swore that we would always be together. You swore that you would always love me. Now I ask you to stand by that vow. I love you. Will you please marry me? I'll change. I'll be a better man. I'll try to be everything you need." He pulled out a black jewellery box, opened it so she could see the beautiful diamond ring. Just the one she'd dreamed about every time they'd walked past the jeweller store.


"Passengers on flight SDE7274 to Atlanta Airport to gate 23 please! This is the last call for flight SDE7274 to Atlanta Airport. Gate 23, please"


Tears welling up in her eyes she looked from him to the gate, and then back down to him again. She tore herself loose. "I'm sorry. I can't." She ran back to her parents, her mother was crying, she'd always considered Andy her own son.

"Go with what your heart tells you, my girl." Jo nodded, kissed both of them and Lina goodbye and ran for the gate, without looking back

Two crappy movies, some disgusting food and endless cans of diet coke (and a few visits to the bathroom) later the plane touched ground in Atlanta. Joanna made her way off the plane, felt an urgent need to go to the bathroom again but forced herself to stop being so nervous and get herself together. Eyeing around the arrival hall, she searched for mr. Carpenter, but there were endless numbers of men in suits. Suddenly she saw a sign with her name on it, held by a young woman. She crossed the hall and walked up to the sign.

"Hi, I'm Joanna. Like the sign!"

The woman laughed. "I'm Candy Rosenberg, with Carpenter Agencies. Mr. Carpenter was stuck at a meeting, so they sent me to pick you up. I figured you'd be looking for a man in a suit, and I didn't want you to walk right by me. So I made this. Come with me, I'll take you back to the family and make the introductions."


Jo's stomach folded into a knot and all she could say was "My luggage?"

"Don't worry. It's taken care of. Come on now! You nervous?" Jo nodded and they walked through the airport, out to the waiting car. The heat almost knocked her off her feet when they came out of the air-conditioned building. "Hot huh?" Candy laughed again. "You'll get used to it." Comforted by Candy's open and friendly mannors, Jo relaxed in the front seat of the car.


When they arrived at the Littrell's house, Jo and Candy already felt like old friends. Candy pulled up to a gate, said something into a speakerset, and the gate slid open. Jo didn't know what to say, the house was gigantic and the lawns that surrounded it an amazing emerald green. "Wow..."

"Not bad huh?" Candy stopped the car and turned off the engine. "Come on now girl!" They walked up the paved path towards the entrance. The door flew open and a blonde, curlyhaired toddler came running out. After him came his mother laughing and lifted him up into her arms.

"Baylee... Is that the way to greet your new nanny?" She walked over to them with Baylee on her hip. "Hi Candy! And you must be Joanna! It's so nice to finally meet you! I'm Leighanne." She shook Jo's hand.

"It's nice to meet you too. Please call me Jo. And this must be Baylee. He's adorable."

"Thank you. And yes, this is Baylee. Can you say hello to Jo, Bay?"

"'Ello Jo" he giggled.

"Hello Baylee"


"I'll take in your luggage, Jo."

"I'll help you." Jo said, and moved towards the trunk of the car.

They moved all of the bags into her new room, a dream in white, off-white and ivory colours, with a huge bed, a livingroom section with TV, dvd-player and sound system. There was a bathroom too, tiled with sea-ish colours and a huge jacuzzi. The others left her alone to unpack and freshen up, and she threw herself across the bed, thinking to herself "This is going to be good!"

Jo had spent a few days in the Littrell's home with Leighanne and Baylee, just getting used to life the Littrell way. She hadn't seen Brian yet, he was out on a promotional mini-tour with the boys, but was expected home any day now. Everything had went surprisingly smooth, Baylee had turned out to be a true darling, and so had Leighanne. They spent hours every day out in the sun, by the pool or playing on the lawn. They had gotten to know eachother, talked about everything except the hard topic of Andy.


Leigh had asked if she had a boyfriend, but Jo had just shook her head, not quite willing to talk about Andy. It still hurt to much, and at night when they'd said goodnight, Jo spent hours listening to music and crying curled up in bed. Their music. Their memories. His proposal played over and over in her head, a worn out picture of the two of them, happy, laughing with eyes for noone else in her hand. A knock on the door woke her up from her thoughts. Who could it be at this hour? She opened and was surprised to find Leighanne outside.

"I'm sorry. Is the music too loud?"

"I heard the music, but it didn't disturb me. Your crying did. Are you ok, Jo? Feeling homesick?"

"Well, both yes and no. Long story."

"I've got all night and a babymonitor. Wanna talk it through? Sometimes that helps. Oh I love this song!"

"Well, I do to." Jo smiled. She had been playing Show Me The Meaning on repeat every night since arriving in Atlanta. The song that reminded the most of the good days with Andy. Leigh sat comfortably snuggled up in the corner of the couch.

"Sit down and tell me now!" She patted on the seat next to her, and Jo sat down and told her the story of her failed relationship with Andy. Leigh was mostly quiet, nodded understanding, and at one point she got off the couch, disappeared for a few minutes, then came back with a bottle of wine and two glasses. They drank the wine, talked about Andy and eventually fell asleep on either side of the couch.


"Hello? Leigh? Baby where are you?"
The male voice echoed through the quiet house and eventually made its way into Jo's sweet sleep. She fumbled for her cell phone to see what time it was. 3.14. Who was in the house in the middle of the night calling for Leigh? It could only be one person. Jo carefully nudged Leigh who was still sound asleep.

"Wake up Leigh! I think your husband's home!"

"What?"

"Brian. I think he's home!"

The male voice called again, closer this time, and Leighanne sat up on the couch, her hair a mess but still very pretty. "I'm in here baby!"

"Leigh, what are you doing in the... Oh, hello!" He'd come to a stop in the doorway staring at the two women that had obviously been asleep on the couch, with Show Me The Meaning still on repeat and an empty bottle of wine on the table. "Girltalk huh? I can tell all the way from here." He smiled and stepped into the room.

Jo got to her feet, her hand stretched out to introduce herself. "Hi, I'm Jo."

"Nice to meet you, Jo. I'm Brian, but you'd probably guessed that already." Big smile. Jo found herself at a loss of words, just looking at his smile. 'Gosh' she thought to herself, 'No wonder I spent so many hours daydreaming about this man. No, get yourself together girl!'

"It's really nice to meet you too."

"So, how are you liking Atlanta, and our place?"

"I love it. It's really nice."

"I'm glad you think so. Now, how about I take my beautiful wife away from your room so you can get some more sleep? Come on, doll!"

Leigh gave him a hug and a kiss, said a quick goodnight to Jo, and closed the door on her way out. Jo stretched out her sore neck and crawled into bed.

Back home in Sweden Lina was all alone and she was bored. Nothing in her life had been going in the right direction lately. She recently lost her job and her relationships with Dan was so over. She didn’t miss him but she missed the feeling of having someone by her side. 'Ok Lina', she thought, 'come on now and do something with your life. You have to stop sitting around and feeling sorry for yourself. I really wish Jo was here. She would have known what to do. Maybe I could call her. She did give me her number.'


Lina got up from her bed and went to the phone. She picked it up and started dialling the number Jo had given to her last time they talked. Just as she heard the first signal going through she realised that she was actually calling the Littrells. 'My god, what if Brian answers the phone! I can’t talk to him, I love him! Get yourself together now and don’t say anything stupid', she thought while waiting for someone to pick up the phone.


“Hi, this is Joanna.”

“Jo? It’s Lina! How are you? I really need to talk to you, I’m going crazy here.”

“Okay, calm down I can’t hear a word of what you’re saying.”

“Sorry," Lina whispered and smiled to herself. She had a bad habit of talking to fast and saying to much at the same time when she was upset.
“I'll try again, I think Im going crazy here. I lost my job...”

“You what?!" Jo shouted. "Why? When?”

“Last week, they are cutting down their business and since I was the last one in... you know how it works. So now I’m just sitting around doing nothing and missing you.”

“Lina, I really feel sorry for you, I don’t know what to say...”

“You could cheer me up by telling all about your job? How is it? You do know I still hate you?”

“I love this job, Lina. I can’t believe this is happening to me. I’ve just met Brian last night and he is everything we ever imagined."

“Ahhh I don’t want to hear this, I’m so jealous!” Lina screamed. “But I’m also really happy for you, you do know that Jo, don’t you?”

“Of course I know that you silly, so have you heard anything from Andy? Is he okay?”

Lina smiled, she never wanted Jo to break up with Andy and she secretly hoped for them to get back together again. “Yes I’ve talked to him. I met him last night when I was out with the girls. He looked really messed up. I’m sorry but he did. He misses you...”

“Oh Lina, I miss him to, but I had to do this, we weren’t having a good relationship, and it had been bad for a long time. You know that, don’t you?”

“I know Jo, but I still think that you could have made it. But of course I’m not mad at you or something like that. But I do feel sorry for you guys, and I think that you’ll be together again some day.”

“Maybe someday, I don’t know... but now I really have to go. Brian and Leighanne are going away to spend the day together so I’ve have to go and take Baylee now. But I call you soon, I promise!”

“You better call me, I miss having you around, who is going to take care of my problems now? You know I can’t... I’m hopeless" Lina sighed and thinking 'I really am hopeless...'

“No you’re not, give me some time and maybe I'll have some ideas for you” Jo laughed.

“Ok, talk to you later Jo, have a good day, bye!”

“Bye Lina.” Lina hung up the phone and started to walk towards the bedroom. 'I really need to get dressed and do something,' she thought. She put on some clothes and put her hair up in a ponytail. 'Now, this will have to do,' she said to herself while looking in the mirror. She took her jacket and went out the door.

After Jo had got off the phone with Lina she was worried. She and Leighanne were cleaning up in the kitchen, preparing for another sunny day outside, Leigh with Brian and Jo with Baylee.

"Are you feeling better today? You've been a bit quiet."

"I'm feeling much better, thank you so much for that talk yesterday. It really helped. No, I got a call from a friend back home in Sweden. She's lost her job, and her relationship's a mess, and I'm so worried about her. She's suffered from depressions before, and I don't want that happening again, especially not right now when I'm not home."

"Oh, Jo. I'm so sorry. Who's your friend, and what does she do for a living?"

"It's Lina, I've told you about her, right?"

"That brunette with the beatiuful eyes? There's a picture of her in your room?"

"Yup, that's Lina. She used to work at a home for drug-abusing teens, and she was really good at it too. But now they're cutting down on their staff, and it's the teens that suffer. I'm just so mad!"

"Why don't you call Candy and see if they have any openings? If she would want to come here, that is?" Leigh finished her wiping of the kitchen table and looked at her watch. "Oops, gotta run, we're leaving in half an hour. Have fun today! My number, you know it right?"

"Don't worry Leigh! Go, have fun, enjoy being just the two of you again! And yes, I know the number, and if I don't remember it, i have it programmed into my cell phone, and if I don't have my cell phone, you've written it right next to the phone. It's ok. Leave now, and have a wonderful day!"

Leigh laughed. "You're right. I'll have fun. Bye then!"

"Bye!"


An hour later the house was empty. Jo had gotten into her bikini, and sat out by the pool watching Baylee play in it. She was starting to get a really nice tan from all the time they spent outside. A loud coughing sound drew her attention to the patio door. A man was standing there, wearing jeans and a wifebeater, sunglasses and a trucker-cap. His arms were full of tattoos, and he was smiling, that smile that had made her weak to the knees a million times before, everytime she'd watched a Backstreet Boys video on MTV. It was AJ. The man she used to joke about wanting to marry. Now he was standing there. Smiling at her. Yup. She could have married him right then and there. God, what a gorgeous man. Then Baylee saw him, and ran out of the pool towards him.

"Uncl' Alex! Uncl' Alex!" He ran towards the man, who picked him up into his arms and gave the child a hug. "Do you have presents for me?"

"Of course I do. We'll get them later. Who's this?" He asked with a look at Jo.

"Nanny Jo!"

He walked over to her, Baylee still on his hip.
"Hello, I'm Alex." He smiled, and the english that had felt so natural for the last days just flew out of Jo's head.

"Hej. Ehhh. Hi. I'm Jo, Baylee's nanny"

"Nice to meet you. Not from here? Thoght I heard a "hej"... now what country could that be? Sweden? Norway?" Still smiling.

Jo felt dizzy. 'come on Jo, don't make a fool of yourself.' she thought.

"Good guess. Sweden." She smiled back at him.

"Yey! Bri or Leigh somewhere around?"

"Nope, sorry. They left for a day together a while ago."

"I see. Well... I was sorta hoping that I could stay here for a couple of days. Kinda got thrown out of my own house back home, so..."

"What happened? If you don't mind my asking?"

"I don't." He said, putting Baylee down so that he could get in the pool again. "I got home from a hard couple of weeks on the road, and there is my girlfriend saying that she never wants to see me again. Apparently she was sick of my being away all the time, so she threw me out." He shrugged.

"Yeah, 'cause that'll keep you 'round more." Jo giggled.

He smiled. "Absolutely!"

"You want something to eat? It's almost lunchtime for us."

"That'd be nice."

"Baylee, come out of the pool, it's almost lunchtime."

"Yeah, come here buddy, we'll go see what's inside my suitcase."

"Yey! Presents!"

They went into the house, Jo into the kitchen, and the other two disappeared to wherever AJ had put his suitcase. Jo started preparing the pasta they were going to have for lunch, and chopped some veggies to make a salad. She'd set the table for three when she heard the boys coming.

"Oh, this smells really nice. What is it?"

"Nothing special, just good ol' spaghetti bolognese."

"Yumm!"

"You haven't tasted it yet." she smiled at him.

"Look, Jojo! I got a teddy! And a truck!" Baylee ran up to her, showing her the cute teddy bear and his new truck.

"Those are really nice. Want some lunch?"

"Hungry!"

They ate, talking to each other and listening to Baylees chattering about everything and nothing.'This is what I want. Someone to talk to. Children' Jo thought to herself.

Lina walked down the street listening to music and singing along. She was, of course listening to her favourite music by the Backstreet Boys. She instantly started to feel better. 'I think I’m going to visit Sarah,' she thought. 'Maybe she wants to go and get some coffee or something. Maybe do a little shopping. That would make me feel better'. She smiled to herself and started to walk towards Sarah’s home. It took her 20 minutes to get there and she knocked on the door. She felt like it took forever for someone to open, so she knocked again. Just when she stopped knocking the door opened, but it wasn’t Sarah who stood there, it was Dan.


“Hi” she said surprised and looked at him, “I didn’t know you would be here.”

“Hi” he answered, “what do you want?”

“I’m here to see your sister; she is my friend you know.”

“I know but I don’t understand why she wants to be your friend” he said and looked at her with anger in his eyes.

“Dan we have talked about this so many times, I know you are hurt but I couldn’t stay with you when the feelings weren’t there. You can’t blame me for that.”

Dan sighed and looked at her with sadness instead of the anger. “I know, but you can’t blame me for not agreeing with you. I really loved you and I thought you where the one, my god we were engaged to be married.”


Lina looked at him and she remembered their time together. It was wonderful, but they had been too young and rushed into things too fast. She wasn’t ready for all that now. She needed time to grow, and find out who she was. And she had simply fallen out of love with Dan. Even though she felt sad now when he stood there in front of here, she knew she had maid the right decision.


“I have said I’m sorry so many times Dan, I can’t do it anymore. I just hope someday you can forgive me.”


Right then Sarah showed up at the door and Lina felt relieved, she couldn’t handle Dan and his feelings right now, it was just to much with the job, missing Jo, and trying to create a life as a single woman. Seeing Dan only reminded her of the fact the she was on her own these days. And sometimes that scared her. But she was determined to make it. She didn’t want to depend on anyone but herself right now. She needed to know that she could do that.


“Hi Sarah, I was just wondering If you feel like taking a coffee and maybe do some shopping today?”

“Sure I’m always up for that you know, are we going right now?”

“Well if you have the time so yeah now would be good”

“Just let me get my things and we can go, Dan could you watch the dogs for me today? It would be really nice of you. I am letting you live her aren’t I?

“Sure I can do that, no problem, see you later, bye Lina.”

She stood there for a while looking at him, then turned around and started to move away. She didn’t want to face him, she had really hurt him and she couldn’t do anything about it.


She spent the day with Sarah talking about everything and nothing. Lina was really glad that Sarah didn’t blame her for breaking up with her brother. When she left and started to walk home again she felt much better. Talking to Jo and spending the day with Sarah had really been good for her. She remembered the time when she was really depressed about everything and she couldn’t find her way out of it. 'If Jo hadn’t been there for her then...' she thought. “No don’t go there” she said to herself, "you’re not that person anymore. Everything will get better soon. It has to." Lina unlocked the door and walked in to her apartment. She looked at the answering machine but there were no messages. “Typical” she said.


Lina started to take of her clothes and get ready for bed. 'Tomorrow,' she thought, 'has to be a better day than this. I’ll start searching for a new job.' She crawled down in bed and started to fantasise about moving far away and start over. Before she knew it she fell asleep. She dreamed of moving far away and finding the love of her life.


The next day Lina woke up feeling happy. She stretched out in bed and smiled to herself. “I told you this day would be better, didn’t I,” she said and jumped out of bed and in to the bathroom. While brushing her teeth the phone rang, and she ran to answer it.

“Hello? Oh, hi mum! Yes everything’s fine" Lina said while still trying to brush her teeth.

“Honey, what are you doing? You’re sounding really strange.”

Lina laughed and tried to explain that she had been brushing her teeth when the phone rang and she just answered without thinking about it. Her mother laughed.

“Sometimes I believe that you never think before you act honey... So what’s your plan for today?”

“I’m going to start searching for a new job, and mum, I’m thinking about moving far away...”
Lina waited for a reaction, she wasn’t sure about how her mother would react about her moving away. They had always been really close.

“I think that’s a good idea” her mother said. “Of course I’m going to miss you but I can come and visit, right?”

“Mum of course you can, all the time” Lina smiled, relieved about her mum’s reaction.
“
I have to go now, if I’m going to get anything done today, talk to you later mum, love you!”

“Ok bye, see you soon.” She hung up the phone and danced her way in to the living room. She put on some music and danced back into the bathroom while loudly singing I Want It That Way, still trying to brush her teeth.


Four hours later she was still sitting in the waiting room at the job centre waiting for her turn to come in. 'This is so boring,' she thought to her self. 'I want it to be my turn now so I can come home sometime today.'

“Lina Carlson”

“Yes that’s me” she said, standing up and walking towards the woman who called out her name.

“Welcome. Please follow me” they walked in to an office and sat down.

“So you are looking for a job I understand?”

“Yes I am, here are some papers from my previous job. I like to do something like that again.”

“Okay, well for right now all you can do is take these papers and fill them in, leave them in the reception on your way out, we will contact you soon and we have some more time to talk and go over the options.”

Lina just stared at the woman infront of her. This was it? 'After four hours all they do is give me some papers to fill out,' she thought and felt how anger came over her. 'Okay, calm down,' she said to herself, 'walk away and say nothing!'


She got up and thanked the woman. 'I'll fill in those papers at home,' she thought and walked home really upset about the fact that she had just wasted the last four hours on nothing. When she got inside her apartment she noticed that she had some messages on the answering machine.

After having had lunch with Baylee and A.J, Jo put the toddler in his bed for a nap, and went back into the kitchen to start cleaning up. To her surprise, she found A.J with foam up to his elbows cleaning the dirty pots. The plates and cutlery were already in the dishwasher, and the table had been wiped clean. 'This is something I could get used to' she thought with a smile.

"You didn't have to do this." she said.

He turned around with a smile, putting the last pot on a towel to dry. "Where I come from it's a rule that the cook never has to clean up afterwards."

"Nice rule. So where do you come from?"

"A broken home," he laughed "I was born in West Palm Beach, Florida. My dad walked out on me and my mum, so she had to raise me, with help from my grandparents. The usual."

"I'm sorry."

"Nah, don't be. How about you? Where do you come from? I know you're from Sweden but..."

"You want some coffee?"

"Yey, coffee, and a story! Nice!"

Jo giggled and reached for the coffeejar. When the coffee had started to brew, she sat down opposite from him at the table. "Yes, I'm from Sweden. Small town gal. Two parents, no siblings, happy home."

"Something's wrong with that picture. To perfect. Bad boyfriend?" He looked her deep in the eyes, then got up to take out some mugs.

"Nah, not bad, just not..." she stopped realizing she had been on her way to say "like you". 'Bad thought,' she said to herself. 'He's everything you don't need right now. I'm not supid, I've read the tabloids, the gossip. Bad choice, baby.'. Sighing she finished: "everything I needed."

"I'm sorry for that." He put down the mugs in front of her. "Milk? Sugar?"

"Just milk is fine. I'm sweet enough already." she said with a laugh.


He looked at her, swept his eyes from her face all the way down to her feet, poured some milk into her cup and slid it across the table towards her. Yes, she was sweet. She stood maybe an inch shorter than him. Her hair reached down to the small of her back in waves and curls, a colour that resembled ancient gold with a red shimmer to it. Her face was undenieably sweet, hazel eyes, rosy cheeks and pouty lips that kept the face from beeing just sweet. They were full and wore the only trace of make-up he could see in her face, a lip gloss with only a hint of red. Now that he thought about them, they made him want to kiss her. Her body had the beginning of what would be a deep, golden tan. It wasn't exactly perfect, she was just a little bit chubbier than his normal type, but with beautiful proportions. Her breasts were big, her waist was small, and she had a gorgeous butt. He smiled to himself. She wasn't wearing that much either. She'd just pulled a white tanktop over her yellow bikini, and the hotpant bikini-bottoms made his imagination go wild. He realized that he'd been staring at her and that he should say something.

"Sooo... The boyfriend?"

"Ex-boyfriend. We broke up just a couple of days before I came here."

"Tough. You been together long?"

She sighed. "Seven years."

He let out a whistle.

"Yeah. So, yes, it was tough, and it still is." She took a sip of her coffee. Not knowing why, she kept going. "He came to the airport. Proposed to me. Everyone was staring at us. He'd bought the ring of my dreams. And I turned him down. I just couldn't say yes. And now I'm wondering if I made a mistake, just throwing away seven years like that."

"Did you break up with him for no reason? Just out of the blue?"

"No. We had lots of arguments the last months. I wanted to get married. Start a family. He didn't. After awhile everything was a mess. We couldn't be in the same room without yelling. It was just too hard." Tears welled up in her eyes, and she ran out of the room.

AJ sat on his chair, wondering whether he should go after her or not, when the door opened and he heard two familiar voices. Brian and Leighanne were home. They came into the kitchen and both came to a stop when they saw the man sitting at their kitchen table.


Leighanne was the first one to react. "Alex! It's so good to see you! What are you doing here?" She noticed the mug in front of the empty chair. "Have you been teaching my son to drink coffee?" she laughed.

Brian smiled, too. "So many questions, so little time. Good to see you man, although I thought I got rid of you yesterday... Why aren't you at home with Shelley?"

"Good to see you too, guys. Well, Shelley... She kinda threw me out of the house. She was sick of me never being home. I was hoping I could stay here for a while. Don't want to be alone really. Not that I'm really upset about this, but any given reason to relapse, you know."

"Yeah, we know, and we won't let that happen to you. Of course you can stay here." Brian patted him on the shoulder.

"Thanks, it means a lot to me. And no, Leigh, I wasn't teaching your son to drink coffee. I sat here talking to your new nanny, and we got out into deep waters. The ex-boyfriend. She ran off just before you guys got in, and I think she was crying. I'm sorry."

"I'll take care of her. You boys can have a man-to-man talk about how mean girls are." Leigh smiled and walked towards Jo's room.


Jo threw herself across the bed, crying. The pain was to much to handle. Why had she turned Andy down? Why couldn't she just have stayed home? Married him. Because it wasn't right. She didn't want Andy to propose to her to make her stay. She wanted him to propose to her because he couldn't live without her, because he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. She had to call Lina. She would have all the right words to make her feel better. She picked up the phone, dialled and sat in bed listening to the signals going through. The answering machine took her call, and she cleared her throat.

"Lina, it's me. I... I just called to say I miss you. I need you to talk to." Someone knocked on her door. "Someone's at the door. Gotta go. Love you." She hung up, and opened the door. Leighanne was standing outside, looking worried.

"Alex said you ran out on him. Are you ok?"

"Yeah. I told him about Andy. I don't even know why, but I did, and I couldn't handle it. And a can't sit there crying my eyes out in front of him. He's a Backstreet Boy, for crying out loud."

Leighanne laughed. "He's a man. On stage he's a Backstreet Boy. Off stage he's a man, like any other one. If you're going to work here, you have to realize that. At home, Brian's not a Backstreet Boy. He's a husband, and a father."

"You're right, but making that transition is kind of hard, especially with A... I mean Alex, because I've wanted him since I was fourteen and saw my first Backstreet Boys video." She laughed. "You can't tell him this."

Leighanne giggled. "I won't. I promise. Now let's go get Baylee out of bed."

They walked into Baylee's room. "Leigh. I want Lina to come here."

"Did you talk to Candy?"

"Not yet, but I will. But what if she can't find a place to stay?"

"She can crash here until she finds a place of her own."

Jo gave Leigh a big hug. "Are you sure? You guys are so nice to me, I can't believe it's true."

"You better believe it, Jo. It feels as if you're already a part of our family. Now go call Candy, and I'll take care of Bay."

"Thank you. For everything."

"No need to mention it! Now go on!"


Rushing back to her room, Jo rounded a corner and bumped head first into Alex. He grabbed on to her to regain his balance, and to help her keep hers.

"Feeling better now? Why are you rushing?"

"Gotta make some calls. Sorry. About before..." She suddenly became very much aware of the fact that he was holding her, quite tight.

"It's ok." He looked into her eyes, and she was mesmerized. No one of them moved, they just stood there.


Alex was just as struck as Jo by the sudden wave of attraction. Unable to move he just held her close, enjoying the feeling of her soft body against his. What was it with this girl? He'd just met her, that very day, but already he'd made her laugh and cry. He hadn't thought about Shelley other than when he'd been reminded of her by Brian's question. Not exactly the usual reaction after the end of a relationship that he'd hoped would last. He'd been close to go to bar in the airport, but he knew that Brian wouldn't have taken hin in if he'd been drunk. Now? Not a thought about that sweet taste of Jack Daniels. Something had happened. Jo softly pulled out of his arms, smiled faintly at him and mumbled something about making some phone calls. She must have disappeared into her room, he heard the door close, but still didn't move. Leighanne rounded the corner with Baylee on her hip, and barely avoided to push him over.

"You ok Alex? You look like you've been hit by a bus."

He snapped out of his thoughts. "Huh? Oh yeah, Leigh, I'm fine." he said and took Baylee into his own arms. The child giggled as Alex tickled him. "I'm fine."

"Where are your bags? You can take that room there." Leigh pointed at the door across the hall from Jo's.

"They are in the living room. Me and this fella here had a look through them for presents."

"Oh. Did you find anything then, Bay?"

"A teddy! And a truck. Wrooom."

"That's nice, isn't it?"

Baylee nodded with a smile on his face. "Uncle Alex nice!"

"He is. You're so sweet, Alex."

He smiled at her and the child in his arms "Can't help it."


Jo had made the call to Candy, and found out they had, in fact, an opening at Carpenter. One of the girls in the reception had quit the same day, to move on to "Bigger and better things." as Candy said. Jo was ecstatic. Lina had been promised first call on the job, if she wanted it. She tried to call her friend, but got nothing but the answering machine, again.

"Listen", she said, "if you want you can come over here, I talked to a new friend of mine and she promised you a job at Carpenter Childcare Agencies, the agency that got me this job. It's just in the reception, but anyways. Call me back, would you. I really want you to come here! Pretty, pretty please. Love you. Bye!" She hung up, and spent a few moments thinking about Alex. Alex the man, not AJ, the Backstreet Boy. 'No way, he's way wrong for you,' she said to herself. 'You're still not over Andy. But you didn't think about Andy when Alex held you close, did you?'

When Lina walked in to the apartment she saw the answering machine blinking.

“Yes”, she said rushing over to the machine. “Please let it be something fun.” She pushed the button and started to listen, the first one was just some annoying guy who wanted to sell her some stupid cleaning things. She instantly deleted the message. When she heard Joanna she stopped moving.

“Lina, it's me. I... I just called to say I miss you. I need you to talk to. Someone's at the door. Gotta go. Love you." Lina looked at the answering machine. 'My god what’s happening, why is she so upset?' The next message started to run and she once again heard Jo,

“Listen, if you want you can come over here, I talked to a new friend of mine and she promised you a job at Carpenter Childcare Agencies, the agency that got me this job. It's just in the reception, but anyways. Call me back, would you. I really want you to come here! Pretty, pretty please. Love you. Bye!”


"She said what?!" Lina yelled. "She actually wants me to come over? This is great news” she said to herself and started to giggle.

“Oh my god, I’m going to America.” She stopped dancing around as the news really hit her. She actually had the chance to leave her small town, Sweden behind her to go to America. 'Where did I put the note with Jo´s number?' She ran around the apartment searching desperately for the number, and when she found it she shouted and ran over to the phone.

“Ok let’s see now” she started dialling the number and once again, she panicked as the signals started. 'Shit, this is Brian’s home number! I can’t talk to the Backstreet Boys. Get a grip, won’t you... stop it you’re not 14 anymore! You are a grown woman,' she yelled at herself.


“Hello” A man answered.

“Hi... this is Lina, a friend of Jo's. She is the new nanny. For Brian and Leighannes baby boy.” She stopped talking when she realised she was just rambling on.

The man in the other end laughed. “Well, since I’m Brian, I think I do know who the new nanny is. I did hire her you know.”

Lina stopped breathing for a few seconds when she realised that she just made a fool of her self to Brian.

“God I’m sorry, I didn’t know...” 'my god, you’re stupid,' she thought.

“Its ok, so you’re the famous Lina that Jo has been taking about?”

"Has she talked about me?" Lina said surprised.

“Yes, she has, from what I’ve heard you seem nice. She says you talk a lot.”

“Well, I guess I do” she smiled and started to realise that maybe it wasn’t so embarrassing talking to Brian at all. He seemed nice.

“I guess you want to talk to Jo?”

“Yes, I would, she said on my answering machine that she had some news for me so… If you could get her for me that would be nice.”

“Wait just a second! Bye Lina, the girl who talks a lot,” he joked.

Lina waited for Brian to get Jo. She still couldn’t believe she had just talked to Brian.


“Hi Lina... Lina, why aren’t you answering?”

“Oh, hi, I'm in shock here okay, I can’t believe I’ve just talked to Brian...”

Jo laughed in the other end. “Well guess what, you just talked to Brian. And you better get used to it. Because if you’re coming over you will live her, at least until you find your own place.”

“Yes, your news, they sound great but why were you so upset? You got me a little freaked out here you know.”

“I know, I’m sorry I just got upset while I was talking to Alex about Andy. I guess I’m not over him…”

“Oh, Jo, I really feel for you… wait, did you just say Alex? Who's Alex?”

“Alex, AJ you know. He’s been here today.”

Lina sat down on the bed. “My god, you’re serious, you have just been sitting around with AJ McLean and you sound like it's nothing.”

“It’s really not that different from talking to other guys you know.”

Lina could tell Jo was smiling thinking she was crazy.

“But back to Andy, I don’t want to talk about him, not now. Please say you’ll come Lina, please! Like I told you, I got you a job.”

Lina smiled as the opportunity of moving came over her again. “Of course I want to come over. But when? I need to get a plane ticket, and I need to tell my mum, and… It’s a lot that has to be taken care of.”

“Just pack your, things, buy a ticket and let your mum know where you’re going. So when are you coming?”

Lina laughed at Jo and her rambling. “You’re not the one who is suppose to ramble, I am. And YES of course I’m coming. I’m ordering a ticket as soon as we get off the phone okay? And I send you an E-mail about when I’m coming, so you can pick me up.”

“That sounds great, I can’t wait. This is going to be so wonderful.”

Both Jo and Lina started to giggle and for a while they talked about all the things they were going to do when Lina got there. “Jo, I really need to go now. I have a lot to take care of now. But I’m coming as soon as I can”

“Okay, can’t wait for you to get here.”

They hung up, and Lina looked at herself in the mirror. “So you’re getting your adventure at last.” She looked at her reflection. She had long dark brown hair and big brown eyes that got black when she was upset about something. Right now they were glowing. She was short only 1.65m but she had a good figure. At least she was happy with it. A small waist and breast that matched the rest of the body form. Her legs were long considering her height. She knew that guys thought she was beautiful. She had a heart shaped face and her nose was small. She had a well shaped mouth with full lips. Some would say she had the mouth of Angelina Jolie. If there were something she didn’t like it was her lips. She thought they didn’t match the rest of her face. Others would say they made her look sexy, she had the good girl look but the lips made her interesting just because of the fact that they didn’t really match the rest of her face.


“I need to get a hair cut” she said to her reflection. “But not too much” she smiled when she thought about all the times she had cut her hair and she always thought it got to short. She had been saving out her hair for a long time now and she was proud of it. It made her look older she thought.


'Now, stop staring at yourself,' she said, as she walked away from the mirror, and picked up the phone to call and order a plane ticket. When she got off the phone she wrote down all the facts she had to send to Jo.


She then called her mother who got excited for her. She talked to her almost an hour and when she got off the phone she almost felt sad. She would miss her mother. She was the only parent she had. Her father had died when she was six. Since then it had been just her, her mother and her little sister.


She went to the computer and started writing the e-mail to Jo. She was excited and wanted to leave as soon as possible. She stopped writing for a second, the news hadn’t really become real to her, and she couldn’t believe all this was happening. Just last night she dreamed about starting over, and now she had just been offered that. A new chance, a new life. She smiled and continued writing her letter to Jo.


Hi Jo.
I’ve already booked a ticket. I’m coming in two days. Thursday, and my flight comes in 3.45.pm at the Atlanta Airport.
I can’t wait to see you again. Thank you so much for this! I can’t believe I’m actually going to meet the Backstreet boys! =)
When I come I want to hear everything about this Andy thing okay?
I hate when you’re upset!
Love you!
Lina


She pressed send on the computer and leaned back in her seat. 'This is really happening,' she thought. 'I’m leaving Sweden for new adventures.'

Jo was waiting at the airport, anxiously wandering around. Lina was in the country. Brian and Leigh had given her the day off to go pick her up from the airport. She still couldn't believe how nice they'd been to her. And the job was like a walk in the park, just some easy cleaning, cooking and taking care of Baylee who was just such a sweetheart. Leigh had been gone the last couple of days, in Hollywood to audition for a movie, so she'd been alone a lot, when Brian wasn't around. She wasn't being treated as an empolyee, but as an appreciated member of the family. She hadn't been around that long, but she already loved Baylee, and was forming a strong friendship with both Leigh and Brian.


Alex was a different story. She'd been avoiding him since their embrace in the hallway, not knowing what she should say to him. She clung to the memories of Andy. She'd loved him. She'd needed him. She'd wanted him. He'd been her first boyfriend, her only lover, and the love of her life. She tried to see his face before her eyes, but instead of blonde, wavy hair there was short, black. Instread of his green eyes there were brown ones. Instead of being 6'5 and almost a whole head taller then her, the man she saw was just an inch or two taller. 'Snap out of it, girl!' she said to herself. 'You still love Andy. You know you do.' All of a sudden she noticed there was someone standing in front of her. A short girl with brown hair and amused eyes.

"Lina!"

"Yup. In the flesh." Lina laughed and threw herself around Jo's neck.

To her surprise, Jo felt tears in her eyes. "I've missed you so. Geez, you realize that this is the longest time we've ever been apart? Eight whole days."

"God, you sound like an americano already. You know that you're talking to me in english, don't you? Yeah, I know we've never been apart this long since we got home from the hospital as newborns. We should go. I can't wait to see the house."

Jo laughed. "Sorry 'bout the english. But stop lying to me. I know you well enough to know that it's not the house you can't wait to see..."


They went out to the car, and Jo drove back to the house. When they arrived, and Jo had parked the car, she looked over at her friend. She'd been quiet for awhile, and that wasn't exactly normal. All the way back to the house she'd talked about her job, and about Dan, and told Jo what all their friends were up to back home. But when they went through the gates, she'd stopped short.

"You alive, hun?"

"What? Yeah... It's huge. Wow!"

"Yeah, I know. Half the time I can't believe I actually live here. Come on now!"

They got Lina's bags from the trunk and went on inside.

"I'll show you your room first, then we'll go see where the boys are. I have a feeling that they're out back, by the pool, so put on your bikini! This is it. I live right next to you, and Alex has that room." she pointed at the doors.


Lina's room had a blue and white theme, with light blue walls and a view over the garden in front of the house. A huge bed had a spread of some midnight blue material, and there was a white couch and a beautiful vanity. Lina was once again completely silent.

"Do you like it?"

Lina nodded.

"This is the bathroom." Jo opened a door into a bathroom similar to the one in her room, but tiled in blue colours.

"Wow!"

"Yeah. Come on now, get changed and we'll get out into the sun. I'll go to my room and change."

She left her friend still standing in the middle of the room, staring. She entered her own room, got out of the clothes she'd been wearing and put on a red bikini. She threw on a white tanktop over it, stuck her feet into a pair of red flip flops and went back into Lina's room again. Her friend had got back her usual bubbly personality and was in a striped blue and white bikini, a short denim skirt, sunglasses and flip flops.

"Do I look ok?"

"You're gorgeous, as usual. Come on, let's go. I just need to get my sunglasses."


They went out onto the patio, and just as Jo had suspected, there were Brian and Baylee, playing in the pool. She hadn't counted on that Alex would be there as well. The last few days he'd been in his room, or in the living room at the piano playing some music. Now he was on a sunbed looking at Brian and Baylee, but his eyes quickly moved from them to the two girls on the patio, and followed them as they walked towards the pool.

"Jo!" Baylee saw her and giggled, splashing around in the shallow water.

"Hi Baylee! Brian, Alex, this is my friend Lina."

"Oh, the girl that talks a lot." Brian got out of the pool with Baylee on his hip. He took Lina's hand and shook it. "Welcome to our home. It's so nice to meet you. This little rascal here is Baylee."

"Hello, Baylee." She waved at the toddler, and he waved back. "It's really nice to meet you too. And thank you for taking me in."

"Don't mention it." He handed Baylee over to Jo, who had taken off her tanktop, and was ready to get into the pool. "This is Alex, he's also staying with us right now." Alex shook Lina's hand.

"Nice to meet you."

"Ditto."

"Come into the pool guys!" Jo was walking around the deep end with Baylee on her back, one of his favourite games.

Lina stepped out of her skirt and went into the cool water. She swam to the end where Jo was and whispered "He just stares at you. What have you done to the boy?"

"Who? Bay?"

"No, you moron. Alex."

"Oh... Nothing but I think... I'll tell you later." she finished when Alex jumped into the pool. He was just so hot in his surfer's shorts. She'd never realized how sexy tattoos were before she saw him. Andy had no tattoos. She'd thought that his body was exactly what she'd wanted in a man, a tall, muscular body, a large, extremely masculine shape. Alex wasn't like that. His body was lean and covered in body art, and still she was so attracted to him. 'Shhh,' she told herself. You do not want that man. You don't know him.


Later that afternoon Leighanne came home, and they came together around the kitchen table eating dinner that Jo had prepared, with a little help from Lina, who'd fitted right into the family, once she'd forgot to be nervous around Brian and Alex. Her and Leighanne hit it off immediately, talking about Baylee. Brian joined in their conversation, but Jo couldn't focus. Alex was sitting opposite from her at the table, and his eyes pierced through her. He looked hot as usual in a simple black t-shirt and jeans. So hot that she couldn't look at him.


Alex looked at Jo from across the table. She was so... He couldn't find the words to explain it. She sat there, avoiding to look at him, and he couldn't take his eyes off her. Yes, she was beautiful in her casual, spaghettistrapped white dress, with her hair pulled back from her face. But he'd seen beautiful women before. That wasn't the explanation.

"Thanks for the dinner. It was delicious." he said and got up from his chair. "I'll be in the living room." He walked out, and a couple of minutes later they heard him playing the piano.


After cleaning up, Jo put Baylee to bed, read him a story and turned the lights off. "Jo?"

"Yes honey?"

"Sing!"

"You want me to sing to you?"

He nodded. She liked to sing, but she didn't think that she had the voice for it. But Baylee looked so sweet where he lay tucked under the covers, so she cleared her throat and started to sing the first song that came into her head, which happened to be You're Beautiful, by James Blunt. She sung it over and over again, not caring that some of the notes fell flat, until Baylee's eyes fell shut. She made sure he was tucked in properly and that he had his favourite teddy within reach. Then she turned off the last light and turned around. In the doorway stood Alex. He smiled at her.

"You've got a beautiful voice." he whispered.


She walked out of the room, closed the door and asked him: "How long have you been standing there?" She was embarrassed.

"Long enough. I heard singing when I was going to my room. I guessed it was you. It was beautiful."

"Yeah right."

He lightly stroke his fingers across her cheek. "I saw your face, In a crowded place, And I don't know what to do..." He sang in a soft voice.

Jo didn't know what to do. Her knees were weak. Her heart pounded as if it was trying to get out of her chest. She wanted to leave, run for her room, but she thought that her legs would fail her. So she smiled back at him, shakily. "But it's time to face the truth. I will never be with you..." she sang back at him, then walked away, she was going to go to her room, but she changed her mind and knocked at Lina's door. Her friend opened, and she rushed inside.

"God. I need help."

"What's happened?"

"Alex has happened. I don't know what to do. I was upstairs singing to Baylee, and he snuck in and listened. He scared me. I don't like to sing in front of people. And then he sang to me. Touched my face. I could just die."

"Yeah, you better. A gorgeous man sings to you and touches your face. I knew something was going on when he stared at you all day. But this? Wow! Someone should kill that bastard!"

"But... Andy..."

"Andy what?" Lina snapped at Jo.

"Geeez... chill. I love Andy."

"You left Andy. Didn't want to be with him. Turned down his proposal. No, you didn't want to be with him. Now, one of the most gorgeous men on the planet makes a move at you. Booohooo, poor Jo. And I have to give up the man of my dreams because i fucking love his wife."

Jo broke down laughing. "She's just lovely, isn't she?"

"Yes she is. Now get out of here. I'm jetlagged and need my beauty sleep." Lina laughed.

"I'm going, I'm going."


When she came out into the hallway, she heard a guitar playing. The sound came from Alex's room, and she could hear him sing along with the music. "My life is brilliant. My love is pure. I saw an angel. Of that I'm sure. She smiled at me on the subway... " She smiled and went into her room. She was a bit tired too. It had been a long day...

Lina woke early the next morning. She was hungry, and looking at her watch, that still kept Swedish time, she could tell that it was way past breakfast time. She lay in bed for a few more minutes, looking out the window, into the dark skies, then decided to sneak into the kitchen to get something to eat. She made her way through the dark hallways, tip-toed into the kitchen and decided it was best to keep the lights off. She took a few more steps, then her toe hit cold, hard wood. The pain made her bend over, cursing under her breath, when she all of a sudden banged her head against something that felt like a human head.

"Aouch! What the fuck?" came a voice from nowhere. She screamed at the top of her lungs. A hand flew out, landing over her mouth and muffled her scream.

"Lina? Why are you sneaking around here like a thief?"

Her panic subsided when a light was turned on and she saw Alex's familiar face. He relieved the pressure around her mouth and let her go. He was somewhat sure she wasn't going to try and kill him again.

"Me? Well let me ask you something. Why in the name of God are you sitting here, alone in the dark? Oh my God. My toe hurts. It's broken. You broke my toe!"

"I couldn't sleep. And I'm sure it isn't broken. My nose, on the other hand... Let's just say that I'm not so sure about that."

"I did NOT break your nose. YOU broke my toe!"

"Let me see that toe then. But I didn't break it. The chair did." He smiled at her when she sat down and reluctantly put her foot in his lap. He gently touched her toe, giggling a little when she started muttering something in Swedish.

"I can't believe I'm sitting here with my broken toe in AJ McLean's fucking lap."

"What did you say? I only understood my name and your mean tone of voice."

"None of your business." She laughed. "Ouch, that hurts."

"I don't think your toe is broken, but you'll have a stunning blue nail for a couple of weeks. We'll put some ice on it."

"So you couldn't sleep huh? Wonder why?" she smirked.

"Well that's none of your business."

"Let's say that it is, seeing that she's my friend."

To her surprise, Alex turned red, and quickly got up to get some ice and a plastic bag.

"So... You're from Sweden huh?"

"Oooh, bad choice of topic there? Yeah, I'm from Sweden, whatever that has to do with this conversation."

"Oh, are we having a conversation? I thought you were just being..."


"What on earth is happening in here?"

They both looked up and saw Brian standing in the doorway.

"He broke my toe..." Lina pointed at Alex.

"I didn't break your toe, you broke my nose, sneaking around in the dark."

"You're one to talk, hiding here in the dark."

"I've alwas considered Alex as the weird one. Seems we've got two in the house now. This is juuuuust great. And they call this vacation. I'm going back to bed now." Brian began to walk away.

"I'm not weird!!!"

"I'm not weird!!!"

"Yeah, both of you are. See you in a couple of hours. If I can get any more sleep, that is." He laughed to himself as he walked away to tell his nervous wife that they had the female version of Alex living in the house.


Alex and Lina looked at each other, then broke down into hysterical laughter.

"You think you can sleep now?"

"Nah, but I'll try."


Lina walked back to her room, said goodnight to Alex and sat down on the edge of the bed wondering if she would be able to sleep some more. But no. She decided to wake up Jo and whine some more about her broken toe. She went back out into the hallway, turning on the lights this time. Her toe felt as if it was twice it's normal size already. She lit up Jo's room as well, to make sure that her toe was safe, then asked "Alex? You in here?"

Murmuring, Jo woke up, looked around the brightly lit room with confusion written all over her face. "Lina? What the fcuk are you doing here? It's... 3.30 in the morning. And why would Alex be in here?"

"Because he's got a crush on you of course. And he broke my toe. I figured he might want to tell you that before I did..."

"Which part of that?"

"Oh, not the crush-thing. He's embarrased! No, the part where my toe looks like a balloon."

"Lina, you're crazy. What happened?"

"I just went into the kitchen to grab something to eat. Next thing I know, my toe and his nose are both broken."

Jo laughed. "I don't even want to know what happened!"

"Oh, yes you do! But I think we should get some more sleep. Big day tomorrow! Can I sleep in your bed?"

Jo sighed and moved to make room for her friend. "Come here then."

Jo sat out in the back yard, enjoying a couple of minutes of peace, with Baylee playing in the sand-box, and the house completely empty. She'd sent Lina away for her first day of work at Carpenter, Brian and Leigh had brought Alex to do something, she didn't know what, just that they'd be gone most of the day. The phone that laid next to her on the blanket she'd spread out on the grass rang, and she answered.

"Hello?"

"Who's this?"

"I'm Jo, Baylee's new nanny."

"Oh, the swedish girl? This is Kevin, Brians cousin."

"Oh, right. Yes, I'm the swedish girl."

He laughed. "Got my dear cuz anywhere close?"

"Nope, sorry, he's out with Leigh and Alex."

"Yeah, ok. Listen, we, the boys heard about Alex and Shelley, and that he's staying with Bri. Is he ok?"

"Well, I don't know him enough to tell, but I think so. He hasn't been drinking, if that's what you wanted to know?"

"It was, and thanks for saying that. Listen, I'm calling from a plane, Kristin and I are on our way to Altanta to visit. Nick and Howie are flying in too. We'll be there in a couple of hours."

"That's nice. Guess I'll see you then."

"Yup. Bye bye!"


'Oh my god,' she thought. 'All of the Backstreet Boys, at once. Lina's gonna kill me!' She looked at her watch. Two hours wasn't that much time. 'Better call Leigh and ask what she wants me to do.'


After talking to Leigh, she picked up some toys that Baylee had left around the house. Then she took him with her to the grocery store, and picked up what they would need for the barbecue they were going to have. When she returned home, she saw Brian's car in the driveway. They were home already. When she came through the door with Baylee in his stroller and a heap of bags from the store, she almost stumbled over the vacuum cleaner. Brian was vacuuming the hallway, but stopped when he saw her massive load of stuff.

"Can I help you? I'll take these." He grabbed almost all of the bags, gave Baylee a kiss on the nose, then walked into the kitchen. Jo followed him. Leighanne came in through the other door.

"Good, you're home!" She picked Baylee up out of the stroller and asked him: "You want to help mummy set up the rooms for uncle Kevin and auntie Kristin?"

"Yey!"

"Come on then, trooper. Uncle Nicky and uncle Howie are coming too."

They heard the child giggle as his mummy brought him to the guest rooms.

"I have to keep vacuming, but I'll get Alex to help you prepare dinner. What time's Lina coming home?"

"'Round five, I guess, but..."

He interrupted her with a yell. "Alex! Get your butt into the kitchen!"

"Why are you yelling? I'm right here." He stepped into the kitchen.

"Sorry man. Will you help Jo to prepare some burgers and whatnot?"

"Sure."


Brian walked out, and they heard the vacuum being turned on. They looked at eachother, not quite sure of how to deal with themselves. Then they started to put the groceries into the cupboards and fridge. After awhile the silence was too much to handle for Alex.

"So, you hear that a girl busted my nose last night?"

"Yeah, and I heard something about a toe, too." she smiled at him. "But your nose looks fine. Linas toe doesn't."

"Aww thanks, I like your nose too." The ice was broken, and they helped eachother make burgers, salad and baked potatoes. When Alex dared to look at Jo's face, he couldn't help but giggle.

"What? I thought you liked my nose?"

"I do, but you have about half a burger on it." He leaned in and rose his hand to take it away. Noone of them heard the door bell, or realized that Brian had stopped his cleaning. They just stood there, eyes locked at each other, only an inch or so apart.

"Aww, isn't this romantic. How you doin' Bone? And who are you, gorgeous lady with minced meat on your nose?"

"Nick! It's so good to see you." They hugged. "This one right here is Jo, Bay's nanny!"

"Nice to meet you, Jo."

"Nice to meet you too, Nick!" She had quickly wiped away the meat from her nose, and he looked at her.

"Yup, just as I guessed. You look much better without that stuff on your nose." He laughed. "Gotta go unpack. Keep going from where you left off, if you're a smart man, Bone." He left, leaving both Alex and Jo silent.

”God this has been a boring day” Lina muttered to herself as she walked up to the house. She stopped walking for a brief second; just standing there she looked up at the big house. She shook her head, “Man it’s actually true, I’m living in Brian Littrells house.” She laughed and her mood became so much better after realising that maybe the job wasn’t so bad considering all the rest that had came with it. She walked in to the hallway and just as she did, someone bumped right in to her, she stumbled and fell flat. She found herself sitting on the floor looking up at the most attractive guy ever. Nick!

“Wow you’re actually as cute as I thought you would be.” She stared at him, realising what she had just said.

“Why thank you miss, you don’t look to bad yourself.” Nick laughed and reached out his hand to help her get up from the floor.

“Oh, I can’t believe I just said that, I mean you’re Nick… Why do I keep making a fool of myself” she continued, now talking more to herself than to Nick who had pulled her up into his arms. He stood there smiling as he watched her more closely.


She was wearing a couple of dark blue jeans that fit perfectly on her and a white top that enhanced her curves. It wasn’t too much though, considering that she was wearing them to work. But they looked great on her and you could tell she had a slimmed body.
'She’s really hot' he thought to himself.

“So you must be?” Nick wondered.

“Sorry, I’m Lina, Jo's friend. I’m staying here until I have the money to find a place of my own” They stood there for a while, Nick still holding her. They looked into eachother's eyes and realised that they were still holding on to eachother, so they quickly let go.
'What was that?' Lina thought. The feeling of looking into Nicks eyes remained and she smiled.

“Oh, Jo, the new nanny right?” He smiled at her. "I kind of think she has done something to Alex… They were just standing in the kitchen gazing into eachother's eyes. Alex looked like a fool...”

Lina laughed and realised that she and Nick might be able to have some fun with the fact that their friends were falling for eachother. Maybe they could help them to realise that.

“So you’ve noticed that?” she said smiling. “He kind of admitted last night that he has a crush on her.”

Nick looked at her, surprised. “He actually admitted that?”

“Well not exactly, but when I asked him about it his face turned all red and he started asking me about the fact that I’m from Sweden... So I kind of figured that one out by myself.”

Nick laughed again. “You’re not very shy, are you?”

“Well if you’re talking about the fact that I’m standing her rambling then I guess I’m not... But I have a bad habit of rambling when I get nervous, and I mean, you are a Backstreet boy.” She stopped talking for a second to catch her breath. Nick stood there laughing at her.

“Man, you talk a lot don’t you?”

Linas faced turned red. “Sorry about that, I just don’t know when to stop”

Nick looked at her again. It was something about this girl that got to him. “It's okay, I like when girls actually talk to me, and don’t just stand there looking at me like I'm Superman or something.”


Right then Leighanne and Baylee entered.

“Hi Nick, good to see you again” Leighanne smiled and gave him a big hug.

“It’s good to see you to, hi Baylee!” Nick got down on his knee and Baylee ran to him giving him a big hug too.

“Hi Uncle Nick.” Baylee said happily.

“I’ve missed you big boy. So I guess you want a present?” Nick reached for his bag and got up a big teddy bear. Baylee giggled and instantly grabbed the bear.

“What do you say now?” Leighanne asked and looked at Baylee.

“Thank you Nick.” Baylee then rushed away to show his daddy his new toy.

“I've just finished the guestroom for you. It’s the one you always stay in when you’re visiting so I'm counting on you knowing where to put your stuff.” Leighanne smiled. “Hi Lina” she turned to look at her. “Did you have a good day at your new job?”

“I guess so, It’s a lot of new things to learn but I'm not worried. I'm going upstairs to take a shower, and then I'll come back down to help with dinner”

“Thanks, but take your time. Dinner is ready in 45 minutes.” Leighanne walked away in to the kitchen.

“So, you need some help with those bags?” She asked Nick.

“Thanks that would be nice. So what room are you staying in?”

“The one with a lot of blue in” she smiled.

“Oh then we’ll be living next to each other, I'm in the green one...” He looked at her with a smile. She felt her heartbeat racing.

“I guess we will.” She turned her face away. 'What is wrong with me? Why is he affecting me like this? I’ve just met him,' she thought to herself. She put his bag down and went in to her bedroom.

'Man, that girl really is hot,' Nick thought as he got in to he’s room to unpack.


Lina went straight into the shower. It had been a long and stressful day and she stood awhile in the shower just to relax. Just as she got out of the shower she heard a knocking on her bedroom door. She ran to open it thinking it had to be Jo, wanting to know about her day. As she open the door she froze. It wasn’t Jo, It was Nick.

“Hi...” she said and wrapped the towel harder around her. “I thought you were someone else.”

Nick just stood there looking at her. His eyes went from the top to the bottom of her half-naked body.

“Hmmm...” He kept staring at her. She started to feel a bit uncomfortable.

“Yes Nick?” He managed to get his eyes away from her body and looked her into the eyes. She could tell she had made an impression on him. She smiled for a brief second.

“Hmm... I was just gonna ask you if you were ready to go downstairs but I guess you’re not.”

“Well no I'm not.” She got far to aware of the situation, realising that she stood there half naked in front of one of the most gorgeous men she'd ever seen. Once again they made eye contact and she felt her heart racing. She could tell from the look in her eyes that he was attracted to her.

“Lina” she heard Jo say from behind Nick. The moment was interrupted and Nick backed away.

“I guess I'll see you downstairs,” he said with a smile. She could see in his eyes that he was sorry that they had been interrupted.

“Yes. See you downstairs.” Lina felt that her face was warm, she was probably all red. 'Gosh,' she thought 'I can read that man like an open book...'

“What was that all about?” Jo looked at Lina with confusion in her face.

“Could you please come in and close the door, I don’t like standing here almost naked in the hallway”

Jo walked in and sat down on the bed. “ That didn't seem to bother you before I came along. Ok, now tell me, why were you and Nick standing there looking like you’re about to throw yourselves at eachother?” Jo smiled and looked at Lina with curiosity.

“We weren’t about to throw ourselves at eachother.” she said, looking embarrassed. “Honestly I didn’t know what was happening, I opened the door thinking it was you, and the next thing I knew, we were standing there and he's looking at me with a weird look on his face.”

“Duh, it’s called excitement, I think... He looked like he was about to eat you up, towel and all. I think Nick Carter may have the hots for you... “Jo laughed and lay down on the bed.

Linas face turned red. “Of course he doesn't. Why would he want me? He could have anyone he wants.”

“Have you looked yourself in the mirror lately? You look great, why is it so impossible that Nick thinks so too?”

“I don’t know... It just feels weird...” Lina looked out the window thinking about what it had felt like looking in to those blue eyes. She shivered and got back to reality.

“My god, you are attracted to him to aren’t you?” Jo shouted and looked at Lina with excitement. She looked so funny, Lina couldn’t help but laugh.

“I don’t know, I’ve only just met him, how can I be attracted to him already?”

“Well that doesn't have to be so hard, he looks great.”

“I know.” Lina said and smiled at Jo.

"Now get out of my room, I'm getting dressed. See you soon downstairs, ok?”

“Sure.” Jo jumped out of the bed and went out of the room. When she closed the door Lina threw herself across the bed.

“My god, what’s happening to me? Why do I feel so weird every time I look at him?” she thought to herself.

Jo went back into the kitchen, just to check that everything was ready for the barbeque. She’d just turned down the heat in the oven so that the potatoes wouldn’t burn, and looked out the window. Brian, Leighanne, Alex and Nick were out on the patio playing with Baylee, all in casual shorts and t-shirts. 'I’d better go change. Maybe I’ll even have time for a quick shower?' Jo thought. But already in the doorway out of the kitchen she was interrupted by the doorbell. She ran over to the door, put a few loose strands of hair behind her ears and opened the door. She met a couple of deep, coffee brown eyes, and for a while she could see nothing but them. They were so warm, so familiar. The man that the eyes belonged to laughed and stretched his hand out.

“Hi, I’m Howie. I found a couple of lost souls at the airport so I brought them.”

Jo took his hand, just realizing that there were two more people there, standing behind Howie. “Hi, I’m Jo, Baylee’s nanny. You guys must be Kevin and Kristin?” Jo asked, letting go of Howie’s hand and reaching it out to them.

“That’s right.” Kevin said, grabbing her hand in a firm grip. “We talked earlier, remember? Nice to meet you.”

“Yeah. You, too. And you. Can I help you with your luggage?” She said taking Kristin’s hand.

“Oh, that’d be nice.”


Leigh had heard the doorbell and came into the hallway, all the boys close behind her. The greetings were loud, everyone hugging and talking all at once. Jo decided to sneak off to take that shower. When she returned down half an hour later, everyone was in the back yard. The smell of the burgers cooking was in the air, and someone had taken the potatoes out of the oven. She stepped out on the patio. Howie was standing by the grill flipping burgers with a beer in his hand. Lina and Kristin were helping Leigh to set the table. The other boys were all relaxing in the comfortable chairs with beers and sodas. Nick had a guitar in his hands and was playing a soft tune while staring at Lina, trying to be discreet.


“What is this? The sexist convention?” Everyone laughed, and Kevin and Brian got to their feet to get the last things out of the kitchen.

Nick started humming some lyrics to his music. “Convention of sexist pigs, ooooh, yeah. In the end, we’re all pigs, ooooh, yeah...”

“Oh, please just shut up…” Alex snapped. “Frickin’ dumbass...”

“Why aren’t we sensitive today? Trying to impress someone there, Bone?”

“Just shut up, would you?”

Jo laughed and Alex looked at her, looking a bit embarrassed. Then he quickly got out of his seat to get another coke.


Dinner came on the table and everyone sat down to eat. They really had a great time, the joking duo of Frick and Frack made that sure. Jo sat there trying to pretend she wasn’t seeing the looks Alex gave her across the table. Why was he looking at her like that? For the millionth time in a row she reminded herself that she loved Andy, and that Alex was a womanizer and not to be trusted, no matter how cute he looked in that deep-red beanie. The sun was setting so he’d taken off his sunglasses. His eyes were just so... 'Stop it! she told herself, and turned to Howie that sat in between her and Lina, to listen to what he said. She laughed at the joke he made.


“Hey, D. Wanna hit some club later?” Nick yelled from the far end of the table.

“Sure. Any of you want to come as well? Jo? Lina? Kev? Alex? Bri?”

“Sorry, but I can’t. Gotta put Bay to bed. And to be honest, I really don’t feel like clubbing.”

“Well, I’d love to go.” Lina said.

“So would we.” Kristin agreed.

“Nah, I think we’ll pass, since we’ve got this lovely lady to take care of Bay, we kinda thought we’d spend some time just the two of us.” Brian explained.

“I don’t think a club is what I need right now. I’ll stay here.”

“Oooooh” both Brian and Nick said in one voice.

“Alright let the boy be.” Kevin interrupted. “If he doesn’t wanna go clubbing, he doesn’t wanna go clubbing.”

Nick raised his hand in the air “Yeah, but since when doesn’t Alex wanna...”

Kevin didn’t even have to say anything. A look alone quieted Nick, who got out of his chair and started to collect the empty plates.


Jo went upstairs with the very tired Baylee, who’d stubbornly kept himself awake during dinner, several hours past his normal bedtime. He fell asleep on her shoulder while she walked up the stairs, so she changed his clothes for pj’s and put him down in his bed. He didn’t even stir. When she came back down, everyone had left for the club, after cleaning up. Brian and Leigh were nowhere to be seen. Jo walked out into the back yard to see if anything needed to be done. There sat Alex in the hammock, guitar on his lap, singing to himself. Her heart skipped a beat. He looked so gorgeous sitting there in the soft light of candles that were still lit on the table. He suddenly noticed her standing there and smiled at her. He patted the seat next to him.

“Come sit with me. No excuses. Just come here.”

“On one condition.”

“What?”

“Don’t stop singing.”

He laughed. “I won’t. So, anything special you wanna hear?”

“Something new?”

“I know! It’s new, but didn’t make it all the way onto the album. I really like it though.”

Jo sat down next to him, curling up her legs on the seat, and he started to sing.


“Opposites attract, chemicals react. Like when I look at you. Deserts neither rain, fires feed the flame. You can't deny what's true. I can't help the way I feel. Cause you got me, yeah. All these elements are real. They come from deep within me.”


Jo sat there, hypnotized by his beautiful voice. She knew she was staring at him, but she couldn’t help it. He stopped playing, and asked her: “You like it?”

“It’s beautiful. What’s it called?”

“Forces Of Nature.”

“I love it! Play more!”

Alex did as she’d asked him, played the whole song. When the final notes died out, he put away the guitar and laid his arm around her. Oblivious to her own doubts, she snuggled up next to him, inhaling his scent. He stroke her arm gently. “You cold?”

“No, I’m fine.”

They sat there silent for a while, then Alex whispered “Joanna?”

She turned her head and his lips crashed onto hers. Without her even realizing what happened, her body took control and she pulled her fingers through his short hair, kissing him deep and sincere. She lost track of time, had no idea how long they’d been sitting there kissing, when it dawned on her what was happening. She pulled away, out of his embrace.

“Anything wrong Jo?” Alex asked, confused.

“I’m sorry.” She got up out of the hammock. “I can’t do this.” She ran into the house, leaving him behind to figure out what had happened.

”So where are we going?” Lina asked. They were all going together in a big limo and she was a bit overwhelmed by the situation. She was sitting next to Nick and he was shamelessly rubbing his leg against hers. She found herself fantasizing about him. She started to blush and turned away, focusing on the conversation between Howie and Kevin.

“We’re going to a place called Hiccup. It’s supposed to be fun.” Kristin answered her question.

“Yeah, it is, we’ve been there once before when we did a show here,” Nick smiled at her. Lina smiled back. It felt as he was challenging her, and she wasn’t going to chicken out.

“Oh, I can’t wait. I haven’t been out dancing for a long time. I feel like dancing ‘til the sun comes up.” She took a sip of the champagne she’d been given when they got in the limo.

“Oh, I’ll dance with you ‘til the sun comes up and then some.”

“Yeah, you wish.”

“I do, actually. But my wish contains more then dancing.”

“Why do I feel like everything you say to me is a dare?”

“Do you feel that way? Well... I’ll have to leave that unanswered since we’re almost there.”


Kevin looked at Howie with a smile on his face. “Cool of them to entertain us all the way to the club.”

Howie let out a short laugh. “Ha, I bet they’ve forgotten that we’re actually here.” They looked over at Nick, letting out whistles when he removed a strand of loose hair from Lina’s face. None of them noticed.


The club was packed, and more people were waiting outside to get in. This was obviously the place to spend a Friday night, Lina thought. The club had opened the VIP-section for them, and now Lina and Kristin waited there for the boys to bring their drinks from the bar.

“Oooh, here they come!” Kristin screamed into Lina’s ear. The music was so loud that it was impossible to talk normally. Nick handed Lina her drink.

“So, how about some dancing now?”

Lina nodded, and Nick took her hand to lead her out into the dancefloor. “You coming guys?” he asked, but they shook their heads and sat down at a table.


Nick and Lina danced all night, and things got more and more physical. The others joined them, Howie’d found a sweet dark haired girl who he danced with, and Kevin and Kristin danced a couple of dances, and then decided to head back home. Nick and Lina didn’t notice any of this, they were to busy looking into each other’s eyes, totally mesmerized by one another.
After a five-minute break to get something to drink, they headed back to the dancefloor. Nick smiled at her and she felt her heart race. 'I want him' she thought to herself. 'God help me if I get him, he’ll drive me crazy, but I want him.' She heard him yell something over the noise, but couldn’t hear what he was saying.

“What?” she pulled him closer and yelled into his ear.

“Ouch girl, I’m gonna be deaf now. I said I really like you.”

“Oh, sorry” she yelled just as loud, still into the same ear. Then it dawned on her what he’d said. She smiled. “I really like you too!” Then she pulled him close and kissed him.


They stayed late at the club, long after Howie’d disappeared to God-knew-where. They kissed, standing in the middle of the dancefloor, barely breaking apart to breathe, until the lights were turned on and the club was closing.

“Oh my God, is it five already?”

Nick looked at his watch. “Nope, five thirty.”

“Oh... Hey? How long have these lights been on anyways?”

“I’ve got no idea.”

They looked around. The place was completely empty, except for the staff that were sweeping the floor and wiping tables.

“Oh my... Guess we better get out of here, huh?”


They went out into the limo that was waiting for them outside, still kissing. Something flashed, but none of them reacted. They went back to the Littrell’s house, and as they snuck in, arms around eachother, Nick whispered: “My room or yours?”

“What makes you think we’re going to the same room?” He looked dumbfounded and she laughed. “Doesn’t matter. Mine is closest.”

“Then yours it is.” They made their way to her room without making too much noise, until Nick stumbled over something. They both fell to the floor, laughing hysterically, trying to get up. They fell again, but into her bed this time, trying to take each other’s clothes off. None of them had sleep on their mind, but as soon as they lay down, they were both out as lights, sleeping in each other’s arms.

As Jo woke up the next morning she still felt the taste of Alex on her lips. 'He knows what I've been through these last couple of weeks, and still he does this to me. He knows I'm not ready. And still... He kisses me. Why?' Since her schedule for that morning didn't have any openings for brooding, she shook it off as she got in the shower. Baylee would be waking up in half an hour, she'd have to be dressed and have breakfast ready by then. The others would probably be hungry too. 'So, pancakes it is.' she thought.


Breakfast was loud, as everyone except Nick, Lina and Alex were up, talking over coffee, pancakes and orange juice. Everyone laughed as Howie told the story of the kiss between Lina and Nick.

"They had no clue I was there, when in fact I'm standing a couple of feet away from them. It was cute though. She seems nice, and he could need a sweet girl for a while, considering his past..."


Jo wasn't willing to listen to this, so she took Baylee upstairs to get him cleaned up. Leigh came along and decided she would spend an hour or so playing outside with her son. So Jo got an hour off, and decided to wake Lina. She desperately needed to talk to someone about what had happened the night before. So she knocked on Linas door, and without waiting for an answer, walked in. She stopped just as soon as she saw the couple on the bed, covered her mouth with her hands to keep her giggles in. There, on top of the bed lay Lina and Nick, both half naked. She tiptoed out of the room again, gently closed the door, and started running towards the kitchen. Halfway there her giggles turned into laughter, so she had to stop running. She slid down the wall she was leaning on to sit on the floor, and laughed so hard tears came out of her eyes.


Alex opened the door to his room, to see what was going on. Wearing nothing but his boxers he went up to Jo and asked her what was happening.

"I just had the most hysterical moment of all times. I was going to wake Lina up, and guess what? She's there, in bed, but not alone. Oh no, not alone." She laughed too hard to keep on talking.

"Nick?" A smile widened om his face.

She regained some composure "Yup."

"Good for them. Listen, about last night..."

All of a sudden, this wasn't a laughing matter to Jo. "I don't want to talk about it." She got up.

"Why? Did I do something wrong?"

"No. I made a mistake, that's all." She walked away from him.

'Dang' he thought. 'That's the second time in like, what? Fifteen hours? But I've got good taste. That ass is... ' he let out a whistle after her, then went back into his room to put on some clothes.


Jo went out into the sunny back yard. Baylee was splashing around the pool, and Leighanne sat watching him, dangling her feet in the water. Jo sat down next to her.

"Baylee's such a cutie. He looks so happy."

"I know. I'm so proud of him."

They fell silent.

"So," Leighanne asked, "what happened last night?"

"What do you mean?"

"You, Alex, candlelight, him singing to you... "

"Well... How did you know?"

"Our bedroom window faces this way, Jo. We shut it, and pulled the curtains down when we saw you out here, but I'm curious!" she smiled.

"Brian made you?"

"Yup." Neither of them could hold back their laugh.

"Well... we..."

"Did you kiss him? Oh, my God, I sound like I'm in highschool. Well, did you?"

Jo nodded. "We kissed. Then I walked away. Oh, Leigh... I can't trust him. I've read the tabloids. I've heard the rumors. What if he's just playing me?"

Leighanne sighed. "Well, first off. Half of what the tabloids say are nowhere near true. The other half has been twisted and turned to suit whatever story they want. Rumors, well. Sometimes they're true. I won't deny that. Sometimes they're not. In the case with Alex, it's even harder. The substance abuse he went through changed his personality. Back then, many rumors were true. But when he went through rehab, he came out as an all new Alex. Now he's trying so hard to be trustworthy. I don't believe he is playing you. I think he's fed up with all the games. Talk to him. Listen to what he has to say. Then, if you want to, kiss him again, and tell me all about it!" She giggled out the last words.

"Oh, speaking of telling you all about something... You'll never believe what happened before I came out here..."


Jo still thought it best to avoid Alex. She didn't know what to say to him, she felt shy, she was embarrassed. So she kept busy, doing laundry, cleaning and playing with Baylee. When she heard footsteps coming towards where they sat on the grass, she froze. To her relieve, it was Lina who'd finally got out of bed, wearing sunglasses, tracksuit pants and a huge t-shirt. She told the entire story about the night before, and so did Jo.

"So he kissed you? And you walked away?"

Jo nodded, watching Baylee chase after a football. No chance that he would sit still longer than necessary. That kid was just bursting with energy.

"What are you? Stupid?"

"What? Stop it. Just because you got some last night, there's no need to be all snotty."

"For your information, I'm not snotty. And I didn't 'get' any last night. I might have gotten some if we hadn't fallen asleep, but no, I'm still a virgin."

Jo burst out laughing. "You? A virgin? Please."

"I will not be deflowered by anyone until the very day I get married." Lina laughed at what was one of their favourite jokes. "No buttons unbuttoned here until there's a huge rock on my finger."

"Well, then I'll have to buy you a rock, and see if I can unbutton some of those sexy sweatpants." A voice came from behind them, full of laughter.

Jo looked up. "Oh, well hello, mr. Nick. Lookin' fresh."

He wasn't. He looked as if he'd just gotten out of bed, and fumbled around in the dark for some clothes. He too was wearing sunglasses.

"Late one last night huh?" Jo smiled, and Nick bent down, getting a handfull of grass that he threw at her. Then he lay down on the blanket next to Lina. Jo kept teasing him. "I'm so disappointed in you Carter. No smart words, just handfulls of grass. That's a good way to keep me quiet."

"Go kiss Alex, won't you, and leave me to take care of this one right here." Lina giggled.

Nicks eyes flew wide open, and he stared directly into the sun, since he'd pushed his sunglasses ontop of his head.

"You made me blind, woman." he yelled at Lina, and quickly put his sunglasses down again. "You kissed Alex? That's great," he looked at Jo.

"I'm going to go inside with Baylee..." she murmured, and got off the blanket. "It's nap-time"

"Nap time sounds good." Nick placed his head in Lina's lap, and immediately started snoring.


Jo put Baylee down for his nap, and walking out of his room she came across Alex in the hallway. He looked really cute, in a casual white t-shirt and some ripped jeans. "We need to talk" she said.

"Yeah, I think we do."

Then, they heard Kevin's voice through the house. "Nick? Nick, where are you?, he turned the corner, saw them and asked: "You guys seen Nick?"

"No? Why?"

"I have." Jo said. "He's napping out in the back yard with Lina. Anything happened?"

"Yeah." He said, showing an evening newspaper. There in a picture on the cover, were Lina and Nick, kissing as they got out of Hiccup. He opened the paper, and there was an entire article on Nick and this 'mystery woman', with more pictures. "We have to have a meeting."

Lina sat quietly on the blanket in the backyard pulling her fingers trough Nick’s soft hair. 'He’s great' she thought to herself. 'I wonder what last night meant to him, but I don’t think I have the guts to ask him. Not now, I just wanna enjoy this moment for a while.' As if he could sense that she was thinking about him, he woke up. He looked up at her grabbed her and pulled her down so she was laying on top of him.

“Mmm... this feels good” he pulled her closer and kissed her. Her body melted against his and her heartbeat raced. As they continued to explore eachother the world faded away. Nick pulled her t-shirt aside a bit and his hands started to wander up her body...

“Nick!” They immediately let go of eachother, still breathing heavily.

“What?” Nick looked up and stared right into Kevins eyes. He wasn’t looking to happy.

"What the heck is this?" He showed them the newspaper.

Lina gasped. "That's me. It's... us. On the cover of a newspaper."

"Yeah. With a pretty little story of Nick and a mystery woman kissing and practically having sex in the middle of a dancefloor."

"We didn't... we were nowhere close..." Nick started, defensive.

"I know you weren't. Howie saw ya, well, parts of it. But what about everyone else? You know about what happens when stuff like this gets to the media. We have to have a meeting. Be in Brian's office in ten minutes."

"Yeah, I'll be there."

"I'll get the others." Kevin said and walked away.


"Oh my god... I'm on the cover of a newspaper. Shit!"

"So what do we do about this?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I've kinda laid low on the women-side of my life since... well, you know. We'd all agreed on that beeing the best, considering our tour, that we who were single would keep things that way for awhile. Well, I don't feel like that anymore. I know it's fast, but... Whatever we have, I don't want it to end before it's even started."

"I... I don't know what to say Nick." This was a bit faster than she'd expected. She'd broke it off with Dan because everything was moving too fast, and here she was, with a man she'd known for ages, through his music and pictures, but met only two days ago. A man she wasn't willing to let go.

"I'm not saying we have to get married today. We'll date, go out, have fun, get to know eachother?"

"Sure. We don't have to make this any more complicated than it is."

"So, you busy tonight? A dinner, movie type thing?"

"Nope, not busy. Dinner-movie-thing sounds great."

"Great. I'll pick you up at eight. Gotta go, sweetie." He kissed her and made his way back to the house.


"Jo" Lina thought. "Gotta find Jo and tell her I've got me a date tonight."

Jo was in her room, cleaning it up when Lina burst through the door. "Guess what? I'm on the cover of a paper." She danced around the room, then threw herself on a couch.

"I saw that. You look... Cute. Drunk, but cute."

"I had no idea there were photographers outside. Do you think everyone's mad at me now?"

"Well, first off, you were kissing a Backstreet Boy, what did you think were going to happen? And I don't think they're mad at you. As you said, you had no idea. Nick, on the other hand, should have known better."

"I know. And he doesn't seem mad. I've got at date tonight."

"With Nick?"

"No, with Alex. Yeah with Nick, you moron."


The boys were collected in Brian's office, and discussion was heated.

"I really don't see the point of this rule. We're people, not machines. If I like someone, I like someone."

"Yeah, I agree with Nick."

"We know you do, Alex, and we know why." Kevin snapped. "We're talking about our reputation here, that has to be cleaned after a few people in here made fools of themselves. Not..." He interrupted Nick that was going to defend himself. "Not that I don't understand what you both have been through, but we have to put the group above ourselves here."

"I don't know Kev... Yeah, it was clumsy of him, but we can't really blame him for liking her, can we?" Howie said, his voice calm.

"How can you know you like her? You've known her for what? Two seconds?" Kevin asked, his green eyes focused on Nick.

"I don't know, man. She... She's... you know, I can't explain it. I just do."

"I think she is in fact a nice girl. You all agreed to that over breakfast." Brian looked at Kevin and Howie, and they nodded. "Maybe we should just let that rule slip, as long..." Brian looked Nick sternly in the eyes. "as you keep things under control. No scandals."

"Ok," Kevin said. "That goes for you, too." He looked at Alex who shrugged.

"Sure man."

"Yeah. No drama with our nanny ok?" Brian laughed. "Should we consider this meeting as over? Gotta go visit the in-laws. We'll be gone most of the night, too bad we didn't know you were coming, we would have changed the plans, but now it's kind of too late. I don't doubt though, that you'll find ways to entertain yourselves."

"Yeah. Please. And don't worry." Alex said, faking an angry face.

"Hope you don't mind, Bri, but me and the missus were kind of planning to move to the Buckhead hotel, to get some alone time."

"I don't mind at all. When are you leaving?"

"I think Kristin's packing our bags as we speak."

"Cool man. Join us for brunch tomorrow."

"Yeah, we will."


Nick and Alex were the last to leave the room. "Hey, Bone?"

"Yeah?"

"How about we go find those lovely ladies?"

A smile spread across Alex's face. "Sure man."


But Lina and Jo had left to check out the shopping in Atlanta. Howie had thrown himself on the phone to make a date with the cute girl from Hiccup, and was out the door to meet her. The house was completely empty within half an hour after the meeting had ended.

"Looks like it's just the two of us, then. So what's the story with you and Jo?"

Alex told the story, and as he finished with the kiss they'd shared and how she'd ran away from him twice, he said: "I'm not gonna give up on this. I gotta have her."

"I bet you do... Alex has a crush..." Nick teased.

"It's not that. I LIKE her. And you're one to talk there, you 24 hour casanova."

"So, what are you going to do about it?"

"Wish I knew..."

"Wait. You're going to have the house all to yourselves tonight. You have to make her something romantic. A picnic! In the backyard, by the pool."

"Man, you really are growing up, aren't you? Romance? You? Guess you really like Lina huh?"

"Yup, I do. Now let's get this party started!"

Jo and Lina came back to the house around half past six after a great afternoon, with heaps of bags filled with clothes, make up and loads of other stuff. Nick and Alex sat, suspiciously innocent-looking on the stairs, and rushed towards them, offering to help carry their bags. Jo and Lina exchanged confused looks, but loaded all of their stuff on the boys. Nick dragged Lina up the stairs, while Alex and Jo remained standing at the foot of it. They heard the door to Lina's room close.


"Alex, what's going on?" Jo asked.

"You said you wanted to talk. Let's talk tonight. I'll carry these upstairs for you. Get ready, then meet me in the backyard."

"But..."

"Yes, bring your butt. Come on now." He started walking up the stairs, and she followed him. When she got to her room she showered, then put on her new baby-blue dress, that followed her curves from the strapless top to the flowing hem of the skirt, that ended half way down her thigh. She put her hair up in a bun, letting a few strands frame her face. A little lipgloss and a pair of black strappy sandals perfected her look. She took a deep breath, then opened her door, heading downstairs. As she came out on the patio, what she saw made her breathless. Alex, with some good help from Nick, had made the entire backyard gleam with candles. A blanket was spread out on the grass by the pool, and there sat Alex. He'd changed his clothes, he was wearing a simple black cotton shirt and a pair of light blue jeans. He had a black beanie on his head, and when he saw her he got a look in his eyes that almost made her trip over her own feet. He got up as she came closer, took her hand and smiled.

"You look absolutely stunning."

She smiled back, a little bit shaky. "Thanks. So do you."

"Thank you. You hungry?" He pointed at the basket that stood on the blanket, and sat down, pulling her down with him.

"Starving, actually. Shopping does that to me."

He laughed. "Well, it's nothing special, just some grilled chicken and potatoe salad." He picked out plates, cutlery and beautiful crystal glasses. They ate, talking about everything and nothing. When they both were full, he moved their empty plates to the side, filled her glass with more Sprite. Then he took her hand. "You wanted to talk. Spill."


"Well. I did. And I do. Alex, I just don't know how to handle this. You know what happened before I left Sweden."

"Do you still love him?"

"Well... A part of me will always love him, I guess. But I can't be with him. He didn't propose to me because he wanted to marry me. He proposed me to stop me from going. When I look back, I can't help but wonder what had happened if I hadn't talked about getting married. But on the other hand, I'm here now. I have met you," she ended with a sigh.

"You have. And what about me?"

"I like you. I could fall for you."

"Then why don't you?" He smiled, but his eyes were serious.

"Why? Because I don't know you. I don't know if I can trust you. I've read the tabloids, heard the gossip. I know it's not all true, but I don't know what is, and what isn't."

"You don't know if you can trust me, still the very first day we met, you told me loads about yourself, including the boyfriend-story. You know me better now. We've talked, we've kissed."

"Yeah, but still... We're nowhere close to really knowing eachother."

"Did you know him, when you fell for him?"

"That's different."

"Why? I might be a famous person, but I'm just a man. You don't see Brian as less trustworthy just because he's famous, do you?"

"I don't. But your story is different than his."

"Oh, the whole addiction-thing?"

"Partly, yes. You're known as the bad boy, a womanizer, a..."

"Yeah, I am, but the media picture of me is a whole lot different than who I really am. How can I get you to trust me? You won't give me a chance. And the alcoholic part, 'cause that was what you were going to say next, right? I work my twelve-step program. It's hard, but still I'm doing it. I'm not who I used to be."

"I understand that. And I'm sorry. It's just not easy for me to trust people."

"Well, you're just going to have to try, because I want you in my life." Before she got a chance to say anything, he softly turned her head, with his hand on her cheek, and kissed her, soft and sweet.


The rest of the night they spent out in the dark, candlelit garden, talking, and kissing. He told her stories from when he was growing up, the tours with the boys, the years of drugs and alcohol, and how he'd reached his breaking point.

"Oh I know this story," she giggled. "I saw you on Oprah. Liked those pants."

"Hey, those are one of my favourites."

She kept giggling.

"Well, now you know my stories. Tell me some of yours. Come here." He put a couple of pillows behind him, laid down and pulled her down as well, putting her head to rest on his shoulder.

Jo, still giggling, said: "Oooh, Lay Down Beside Me."

He laughed and sang a couple of lines from the song. "If you lay down, Lay down beside me, You can get all inside me, And I can get..." He stopped singing, and she laughed.

"Shy, are you?"

"Nope, but a true gentleman. And a true gentleman never does anything besides this on a first date." He kissed her again, her world tuned out, and the only thing that was left was his mouth, soft when it met hers, and his muscular body pressing against hers. They lay silent, her body shaking against his.

"Freezing, huh?" he asked, and without waiting for her answer he pulled another blanket around them. They talked about her, her friends and family until both of them fell asleep at dawn

”So where are you taking me?” Lina asked as she sat in the front seat of Nick’s car. “And would you please like to tell me why we were in such a hurry to get away from the house?”

Nick smiled at her. “God, you look hot in that dress.” He whistled and Lina rolled her eyes. She was happy with the dress too. It was a short red thing that sat perfect on her. She had her hair loose and it fell down on her back.

“Thank you, but would you mind answering my question, I’m dying here.”

“Well, we’re going to a nice restaurant for something to eat, then who knows what happens. When it comes to Alex and Jo... let’s just say that she won’t be able to run from him anymore.” He smiled and looked at her.


They got to the restaurant, and sat down at the table. It was a real nice restaurant and Lina looked around her.

“Wow, this looks like an expensive place…”

“Don’t think about that, I’m the one who’s taking you out and for a lady like you I only want the best.”

“Well aren’t you a gentleman.”

“I’m trying, but trust me, in my thoughts... Let’s just say I’m not so much of a gentleman there.”

Lina blushed a little. She could feel her heart race as she looked into his eyes. They were full of laughter. Looking at him she knew she’d made the right decision about going out with him. They had this instant connection, and she was curious about where this was going.

“Who could have guessed, do you ever think about anything that doesn’t involve something dirty?” she asked and giggled.

“Nope, and how could I think about anything else when you’re sitting right there looking gorgeous? You’re wearing that dress just to tease me, aren’t you? ” Nick looked at her undressing her with his eyes.

“Maybe... does it work?” she looked at him playfully.

“Yes! I’m not gonna fall asleep tonight that’s for sure...”
“Oh so you think that you’ll spend the night with me huh?”

Nick looked at her, not really sure anymore if she was just teasing or if she was serious. “Well...I’m hoping.”


The rest of the dinner was wonderful and they spent the evening flirting and talking. He told her about his life as a famous pop star and she told him about growing up in Sweden being a big fan of the big pop star.
They grew closer fast and Lina knew she wasn’t gonna spend the night alone, she was excited, and a bit nervous. She hadn’t been with a guy for a long time, not since she and Dan broke up and that was several months ago. She couldn’t believe how fast this was going. They had only known eachother for two days.


'But how could I not want him?' she thought as she sat in the limo heading back to the house. He sat there quietly singing along to the radio. 'He looks so good. And he’s so wonderful to me.' He looked up at her and smiled.

“What’s on your mind? You’re so quiet,” he asked.

“Nothing special.” She answered quickly. “I’m just sitting here thinking about you... this evening has been wonderful.”

“I know, I feel so too.”

“I’m just a bit overwhelmed, all this is happening so fast, I mean, three days ago all I knew about you I’d learned through magazines and now I’m sitting here flirting with you...”

He started laughing. “Man you talk... do you ever stop to catch your breath?”

She realized that she'd once again started rambling on and she too started laughing. “Sorry, I do that when I’m nervous.”

“I know, you told me so the first time we met. Remember? When you stood there looking at me with this weird look on your face telling me I was the most gorgeous man alive?” He teased her.

She once again blushed. “I know I did that, okay... don’t remind me about it. I have this other bad habit too except the rambling, I always make a fool of myself.”

“I think you’re cute when you’re rambling, and when you’re making a fool about yourself.”
He moved closer to her looking her straight into her eyes. Her heart skipped a beat as she looked into his gorgeous eyes, they were full of emotions.

“And you’re cute when you’re blushing...” he kept teasing her, still moving closer to her.


Before she had the chance to answer he leaned in and kissed her. It wasn’t like last night when they had been drunk and been all over eachother. This kiss was soft and full of emotions. She melted and kissed him back. They sat like that the rest of the ride home, kissing and talking, having eyes for nothing except eachother.


They got home and sneaked upstairs so they wouldn’t disturb Alex and Jo. Nick stopped walking for a second, turning himself towards Lina. He stood really close looking at her.

“So have you decided about what you wanna do? Fall asleep alone or with me?”

“I thought you said you weren’t falling asleep again tonight?”

“Well if I’m with you I have no plans of doing that...” he smiled.

She took his hand, still looking at him and walked into his room.


Inside they started kissing. This time more intense. They pushed themselves closer together. He unzipped her dress in the back and pushed it down to her feet, then stopped kissing her and just looked at her. She was wearing her new underwear, a matching set in black lace. She saw his eyes growing darker with excitement. She started kissing him again and her hands started pulling away his shirt. She wanted to feel his skin against hers. As the shirt came off he pulled her closer softly kissing her neck. They both breathed heavily. He walked her to the bed and they both lay down. He spread kisses over her body and she moaned. She unbuttoned his jeans and pulled them of him and he pulled her closer putting himself on top of her. She could feel him fumbling on her back as he removed her bra.Her hands softly caressed him. She removed his underwear and she felt his hardness against her thigh.


“Are you sure you want to do this?” he looked at her and asked.

“Yes I’m sure.” She grabbed his head and kissed him. He pulled her panties away and soon she felt him inside her.

They started moving and she looked into his eyes, seeing pleasure as they got more intense kissing again.

“Lina” he moaned as he moved inside her. She met his movements and they found their own rhythm. The lovemaking intensed and she moaned his name as it all culminated.


Afterward, she lay beside him with her head on his shoulder. He was plying with a strain of her hair. She felt happy. They didn’t talk much, they were just enjoying the feeling of being in each other's arms. She felt her eyelids getting heavy and she fell asleep with a feeling of safety.

When Joanna woke up the next morning she knew the sun was shining, without even opening her eyes. A slow breeze moved a strand of hair, tickling her face. Alex was still lying next to her, his arm around her. Something had woken her up, but she didn’t know what. Then she heard it again. A giggle. Another one. Slowly she opened her eyes. Next to the blanket stood... everyone.

“We thought we should wake you guys up. Brunch is served.” Lina said, trying to keep a straight face.

The talking seemed to wake Alex up, and he muttered “God, no privacy here huh?”

“Well, first off, it’s my house. Second, you’re lying like five feet away from the table where we were going to eat.” Brian laughed. “Now get up and get some food.”

Jo and Alex untangled themselves from the blanket and got to their feet. As they walked into the kitchen to fill their plates, they heard laughter break loose out on the patio. Alex took Jo’s hand, and they smiled at each other.

“She’s never going to stop bugging me about this.”

“Heh, you’re one to talk. You’ve got one. I’ve got four.”

“Aaaw, poor Alex” Jo laughed and kissed him lightly.


Brunch was nice, as all of the meals with the gang had been. Alex and Jo were the targets of most of the jokes, but noone of them minded. Then Kevin and Kristin left for the airport and brought Howie, whose flight would leave about an hour after theirs. The others remained sitting around the table, drinking coffee and talking.

“So, when are you leaving, Nick?” Lina asked, trying to sound casual.

“Well... I was kinda thinking about staying around for awhile. Don’t worry Bri, I’ll move to that hotel where Kev and Kris stayed. You don’t have to deal with both me and Alex at the same time. Guess we’ll have enough time for that on tour.” He smiled at his friend, then laid his arm around Lina.

“You know you’re welcome to stay here, man.” Brian said.

“Yeah, but in the hotel, I don’t have to clean up after me.” Nick laughed, and so did everyone else.


Jo was happy, both for Lina, and for herself. Life went on, week by week, and her relationship to Alex continued to develop. They cared more deeply about each other every day, spent every waken hour when Jo wasn’t working together, and every night in either his or her bed. They hadn’t had sex yet, because she wanted to wait until she felt she could fully trust him. Lina was more and more absent, at work during the days and at Nick’s hotel in the evenings. She’d practically moved out of the Littrell’s house. There were only a couple of weeks left before the tour, and the boys were all going to New York to rehearse in just a few days. Leighanne and Baylee were going too, meaning that Jo had to be there. And she was happy about that. She didn’t want to be apart from Alex for an hour, much less for two weeks.


It was another sunny day, and Baylee was playing in the backyard as he usually did after his nap. Jo was sitting on a blanket watching him and Alex run around with a football. Brian was at the studio recording a song for his solo album, and Leighanne had jumped on a flight to Hollywood a week ago to be on set for a movie she had a small part in. The phone rang, and Jo answered it, never taking her eyes off of the boys. It was her mother. After the usual questions, like “How are you doing” and “How’s the job” she sighed and said: “Jo, I talked to Andy a couple of days ago. He’s still devastated. I think he might be coming to visit you... To win you back.”

“What? Are you serious? You’ve got to be kidding me.”

Alex had heard her upset tone of voice and came strolling towards were she was sitting.

“I thought you were missing him.”

“I was, but mum, I’m over him. I have been done with him since I came here.”

“But...”

Jo heard the guilty tone of her mother’s voice. “You didn’t tell him to come, did you?”

“Well...”

“No, mum. I’m sorry, but he’s never going to be a part of my life again. Not in the way you want him to be.”

“But honey...”

“No, mum, don’t honey me. I’m serious. Tell him to stay home. Now.”

“I... I’m sorry Jo. He left for Atlanta three hours ago. We gave him a ride to the airport.”

Jo flipped the phone shut and threw it across the blanket. “Fucking CRAP!”

“Are you ok, Jo?” Alex asked, looking worried.

“No! Andy’s coming here. My mum just told me she’d given him a ride to the airport. Wouldn’t be surprised if she’d paid for the ticket as well.”

“Ok. You haven’t told her about me?”

“I hadn’t talked to her in a couple of weeks. They’ve been on vacation. And a couple of weeks ago, we weren’t together.”

“It’s ok, Jo. We’ll work through this.”

“I know. I want to be with you.”

“Then we will be together.” He smiled at her.


The rest of the day was like a blur to Jo. She needed to talk to Lina so badly, but she didn’t answer her phone, and she wasn’t in Nick’s hotel room either. And Leighanne wasn’t home. She would have known what to do. They had developed a really close friendship over the short time they’d known each other. After Brian had put Baylee to sleep, they watched a movie, then they went to bed. Alex and Jo snuggled up in her bed and talked about Andy. After awhile both of them fell asleep.


The next day went on as most of the days did, chores, and taking care of Baylee, while trying to get Alex to stop whispering dirty little suggestions in her ear as soon as he saw her. His favourite was to sneak up behind her while she was doing the dishes, grab her butt and say something that would have been offending, had it come from anyone else but him. Jo was vacuuming the kitchen, when her cell phone rang. She didn’t recognize the number, but answered anyway. It felt as she’d got an electric shock when she heard Andy’s voice. They hadn’t talked since she’d left him behind at the airport, and she’d forgotten what his voice alone could do to her. Her knees went weak, and she felt as if someone had released a thousand butterflies in her stomach.


“Hey Joanna! How are you doing?”

“Ehhh... Hi Andy. I’m... fine. Where are you calling from?”

“I’m in a hotel in Atlanta.”

“Why are you here?”

“Joanna... I need to see you. We need to talk.”

“Why? I’ve told you what I’ve got to say.”

“Meet me tonight. You can come by my hotel.”

Powerless against him, she agreed. He gave her the address, and told her to be there at seven.


“Alex. We need to talk.” He looked up from the stuffed Picachu-toy he was teasing Baylee with.

“Sure.” He gave the toy back to the child, and they walked out of the room, leaving the door a bit open so they could talk out in the hallway.

“Andy called. I’m meeting him tonight. To tell him... to tell him to go back home.”

“Sure baby. You need a ride?”

“Nah, I’ll take the car myself.”

“Ok.” He pulled her close. “It will be fine, I promise.” His insides were a knot of jealousy, but he kept that to himself. He didn’t want to scare her away, into the arms of Andy.


“I’m leaving now, babe!” Jo shouted into the living room. Alex came out of it, Brian next to him.

“Sure babe, be careful.” Brian joked, and got a slap on top of his head by Alex.

“You’ve got your ‘babe’ already. This one’s mine. Take care now, darling. And as this clown said, be careful.” He kissed her softly, just as a reminder of where she belonged. She kissed him back, then smiled and said: “You know I will be. And don’t worry.”

“I won’t.” he said as she closed the door behind her on her way out.

“Yeah right, bro. You won’t worry, and my name is Howard Dorough.” Brian laughed. “Come on, let’s play some video games to get your mind off of it.”

“Yeah.” Alex sighed. “But just so you know, Howard, I’ll kick your ass.”


Jo pulled up at the hotel, parked her car, and walked in. There, in the foyer, stood Andy, all blonde and gorgeous. When had she stopped realizing how handsome he was? During the last years of their relationship, she hadn’t paid much attention to his looks at all. He gave her a hug, then led her into the restaurant. They ordered, ate and talked about home. When they got the desserts they’d ordered, he looked her in the eyes and whispered: “Joanna. Come back home with me. I love you. I can’t live without you. Please. Come back home. Marry me.” He pulled the black box out of his pocket again.
Jo’s heart was breaking. She loved him. She did. But not the kind of love he was talking about. That part of her heart belonged to someone else now, she realized.

“I can’t. I don’t love you like that anymore. I’ve met someone, and I think I’m falling for him.” Tears welled up in her eyes, and she got up from the table to leave.

Andy grabbed her hand. “Don’t say that. We will be happy. You know we belong together. Marry me.” He got to his feet, pulled her close. Jo thought that he wanted a farewell hug, so she put her arms around him. But he gently grabbed her face and kissed her.

Lina walked in to Nick’s hotel room and sat down on the bed to catch her breath. It had been a busy day at work and she was tired.

“Hi babe” Nick stood in the door and smiled at her. She jumped up off the bed and gave him a big hug.

“I’ve missed you today, it’s boring here without you...” he looked at her with a sad face.

“Well, I’ve missed you to but I gotta work you know.” She giggled when she saw his face. He looked like a child who was denied his funniest toy.

“I know, I just wanna spend time with you. It’s only two weeks left until I have to go to New York.” He started kissing her and pulled her back to bed. “I wanna make the best of the time that’s left”


They spent the rest of the day in bed, making love and talking.

“I’m hungry. I need some food.” Lina heard her stomach growling. She hadn’t eaten anything since lunch and now it was nine PM.

“Well we can order room service.” Nick reached over to the phone.

“What do you want?”

“I don’t know, it doesn’t matter. I’ll have what you’re having.”

Nick ordered some food and ten minutes later they sat in bed eating.

“Sometimes I don’t think we ever do anything but spend our time in bed.” Lina said.

“Well, that’s because we don’t. And why should we? I like having you here naked in my bed. I think you look your best then. ” He laughed and leaned over to kiss her.

“Hey, back off, I’m eating here.” She pushed him back to his place.

“Well sorry then, you’re weird, you know that huh?”

“Not weird, hungry”

“So you actually won’t kiss me because you’re eating?”

“Yep, when I’m done you can kiss me again.” She looked up at him and smiled.

“Maybe I don’t wanna kiss you then...”

“Oh you will!” she put her plate away and pushed him back so she laid on top of him.


She kissed him him and she felt how he got excited, again. He pushed away the things that was spread across the bed and started to explore her body.

“I guess I do wanna kiss you” he mumbled as he rolled over so she got under him. She let her hands wander down his body until she felt his hardness in her hand. He moaned and kissed her harder…


Rrriiing!!


“Don’t answer that” Nick mumbled.

“I have to, it could be important.” Lina grabbed for her phone and Nick rolled over to the other side of the bed with a sigh.

“Damn, woman you’re killing me here.”

“Hi this is Lina.” She pulled the cover around her as she sat up.

“Hi Lina, it’s Andy. I’m here in Atlanta. And I need your help.”

“Andy, hi... what are you doing here?” she said surprised. Nick looked at her wondering why an Andy was calling her. He thought there was something familiar with that name. But he couldn’t figure out where he had heard it before.

“I’ve just had dinner with Jo and I asked her to marry me... I kissed her and she ran off. She was talking about some guy she has met.”

“Alex.”

“Yeah, Alex. Who the hell is he? And what is she doing with him?”

Lina hesitated to answer; she didn’t know what she was going to say. She couldn’t believe that Andy had come all this way to win Jo back.

“Well... he’s Alex. He works with her boss. He’s one of the Backstreet Boys. They started dating a few weeks ago. Sorry Andy.”

“So she’s serious about this guy?”

“I think so. I’m really sorry, I know you love her. If you want we could meet and talk for a while.”

Nick still sat on the other side of the bed and he wasn’t looking to happy. He listened while Lina gave the guy directions to the hotel.


“Okay. Meet me in the lobby in thirty minutes.”

She hung up and turned to Nick.

“I’m sorry Nick but I have to go meet a friend. I’m just going downstairs so I won’t be far.”

“Yes I’ve heard. So you’re gonna help him get back with Jo?”

“What, no I’m just going to meet him and talk. He’s upset right now. He’s been in my life for seven years and I really care about him.” She looked at Nick but he looked away. She couldn’t understand why he gotten so upset.


“Tell him to go home. She’s with Alex now. I don’t wanna see him get hurt. He’s gone through to much already.”

Lina felt the anger bubbling inside her. “I don’t believe you... this is none of your business. This is up to Jo to decide. I care about Alex, I do. But I care about Andy too. And I want Jo to be with the one she feels could make her happy.”

“Well. If this Andy guy made her happy she wouldn’t be here right now isn’t that true?”

Lina didn’t answer. She got up and put her clothes on. “I’m not going to talk to you about this.”

“Fine, don’t. But I’m not supporting you meeting with this guy.” Nick said. He had gotten angry too and they stood there looking at eachother. None of them willing to look away.

“Nick... I’m not trying to mess things up for Alex. I’m only meeting him as a friend who needs comfort. He’s lost the woman he loves.” She tried to tell him. She didn’t like where this were going. She and Nick had never fought before. She didn’t know how to handle this.

“Fine, go.”

“Maybe I should go home after?” She asked him.

“You do what you want.” He answered unwilling to look at her. She couldn’t believe it. Why was he reacting like this?


“Fine, then I’ll go home.” She took her bag and walked out of the door. When she got outside she felt tears watering her eyes. 'I can’t believe it, why is he so mad at me?' she thought.


She walked down to the foyer and met with Andy. He was determined to stay. He couldn’t believe that Jo would choose not to go home with him. Lina didn’t know what to say. She always thought that Jo and Andy were perfect for eachother, but now... she wasn’t so sure. Jo was so happy with Alex. She hadn’t seen her friend like that for a long time.


“Lina you have to talk to her. Explain to her that she’s making a mistake.” Andy pleaded.

“I don’t know Andy. I can talk to her, but this is her decision to make. I don’t wanna interfere with that.”

“So you think she should stay with this Alex huh?”

“I don’t know. I want her to be happy. That’s all.”

They talked for a while and Andy returned to his hotel. He didn’t want to go home yet. He wanted to stay and give it one more try.

Lina sat in the bar for a while not sure if she should go upstairs to Nick. She didn’t know what to say to him. She couldn’t understand his reaction to all this. It wasn't like she was the one who had a boyfriend coming back for her. She was only down there to meet an old friend.


“Lina.” She turned around and looked right into Nick.

“Nick... ” she felt her heart race. She didn’t know what to say.

“I’m so sorry babe, I totally overreacted. Please stay.” He looked at her and she could see in his eyes that he was nervous.
She felt how she weakened and threw herself around his neck and started to cry.

“Sweetie, don’t cry. I’m so sorry.” Nick tried to comfort as he held her in his arms.

“I can’t help it. I was so worried. I didn’t know if you wanted to see me again.”

“Of course I want to. I overreacted. My temper sometimes gets the upper hand on me.” He turned her face so she had to look him in the eyes.

“Please forgive me... I love you...”

She stared at him and couldn’t believe what he’d just said. He never told her he loved her before.

“Nick... I love you too.”

He softly kissed her and the rest of the world faded away.


“Make up sex is great.” Nick said and looked satisfied.

“Oh you’re such a pig.” Lina giggled.

“Indeed I am, but I’m cute pig.” He joked and kissed her.


Rrriiing!!


“Oh, not again! Now what?” Nick said and sighed heavily.

“I don’t know, wait” Lina reached for the phone. It was Jo calling.

"Come on... Pick up... Pick UP... PICK UP! SVARA!" Jo yelled into the ringing phone, thinking if she said the words in both english and swedish, Lina would answer faster. There hadn't been that many signals, but Jo was desperate. He'd kissed her. Andy had kissed her, and for a brief moment she'd been trapped in his familiar scent and taste. For a brief moment she'd kissed him back, and if only for a second she'd longed to go home. Then Alex had popped back into her head, full force. This wasn't any better. She was in love with him. SHIT! This wasn't supposed to happen. Lina answered her phone.

"Jo? Anything wrong? It's late."

"Yes, something's wrong. I called you an hour ago, but you didn't answer."

Lina took the phone from her ear, checking the display. Yup, one missed call. But at that time she'd been talking to Andy. And Nick had probably been too pissed to answer her phone. "Sorry, babe. I was... out."

"So Andy called you, huh? And you talked to him? You've never been a good liar."

"Well... Yes."

"Good, or... Whatever. He told you what happened? "

"Yeah."

"Nice, then I don't have to. I kissed him back for a moment. And I'm in LOVE with him!"

"Are you in love with Andy?" Lina hissed, breathless, while pushing away Nick, who was, again, looking furious and trying to get a hold of her phone.

"NO! God no! Alex. I'm in love with fucking Alexander James McLean, of the Backstreet Boys. I'm so pathetic. I hid from him when I came home. Snuck up into my room as some fourteen-year-old getting home past curfew."

"Oh, not that age all over again. We were such a pain in the ass to everyone around us." Lina laughed. "But that's great, hun. Feels like you should be telling him that though, not me."

"Don't you get it? He's..."

"Fucking AJ McLean of the Backstreet Boys, yeah, I know. What difference does it make? Fact is, I'm in love with one of them myself."

"I know. You've been in love with Brian since we were kids. Thought You'd given that up though... Oh. Oh." The penny dropped for Jo, and she finally realized what Lina was telling her.

"Not Brian you moron!" At this, Nick's head bounced off the pillow and his eyebrows went all the way up to his hairline.

"You're in love with him? That's great. Not for me, though. Not for me. He's not for me. Or, more correctly, I'm not for him."

"Would you please shut up, and let him decide that? I need my beauty sleep. Goodnight, Jo, go bug Alex instead."

"But..." Jo said, but it was useless. Lina had already hung up. "SHIT!" She banged her phone down on the nightstand, pulled the covers over her head and tried to get some sleep.


The next morning she was pale, her hair tousled, and the make-up from last night had moved from her eyes down to her cheeks. She changed from the black dress she'd worn last night into a pair of blue and white striped flannel-pants, that had once been a part of a pj-set, and one of her simple white tank-tops. She tried to wash most of the make-up off her face, the went out into the kitchen to prepare breakfast, before waking Baylee. She put a pot of coffee to brew, got out some milk and a carton of Bay's favourite cereal, a pile of bowls and some spoons, then went back upstairs.


Dressing Baylee and getting him ready for the day took half an hour, and when they came into the kitchen, Alex sat at the table, eating cereal, him too very pale.

"You ok, babe?" Jo asked sitting Bay down in his chair and helping him to some breakfast.

"Haven't been sleeping. Waited up for you. How about you?"

"Well, I came back and everything was dark, so I figured you were sleeping." Calmly she saved Bay's bowl from ending up at the floor. He was in a stage where he liked to throw things to the floor, just to see what would happen. "I'm sorry I kept you up."

He nodded, put his bowl in the dishwasher and left the kitchen without another word. "Uh-oh" Jo thought. He's mad at me. Guilt rushed through her, made her sick to her stomach. She sat next to Baylee, a cup of coffee in her hand, when Brian entered the kitchen.

"Morning! Sleep late today?" she greeted him.

"Nah, got some work done in the office. Then I felt the smell of that wonderful coffee you make, and decided it was breakfast time."

She smiled at him. He was such a nice man, and he was so cute to, with his hair messy and his face un-shaved, in a pair of jeans and a plain, blue t-shirt. That was one of the things she loved about this family, their commonality. Nothing fancy about them when they showed up to breakfast, or when they were just lounging around the house, playing with their child.

"Leigh called, by the way. She's on her way back home as we speak, and she said she had some news."

"Oh."

"Yeah, I'm so curious I could die. Maybe her part in the movie was expanded or something. That would be great."

"Yeah, it would."

"Look, Jo. I'll take the morning off today, to be with Bay. We'll go pick Leigh up at the airport at one, so if you would have lunch ready at two it'd be great. Spend the day with Alex. He needs you right now."

"You sure?"

"Go now, before he wears the floor in his room out."

"Thanks!"


Jo ran up the stairs, towards Alex's room. He was playing music, loud music on his stereo. She took a deep breath, then knocked his door. He opened it at once, as if he'd been waiting for her.

"Can I talk to you?" she asked.

"Sure" he stepped to the side to let her in, then turned the stereo down as he sat on the couch.

She sat down next to him, taking his hand. "He proposed to me again, last night. Same ring, another speech. Well, actually, when I think about it, it was kinda the same too. I turned him down again. I don't love him anymore, and I told him that. I told him about you. That we are... seeing each other. Then I tried to leave. But he grabbed me, and kissed me..."

"HE DID WHAT?" Alex got to his feet, mad with jealousy.

"He kissed me. I just thought he wanted a farewell-hug, so I hugged him, and he kissed me."

"I'm going to kill him. He touched you."

"I had no idea what was coming. But I let him. For a second."

"You let him? YOU FUCKING LET HIM KISS YOU?"

Devastated, she nodded, watched him pace back and forth, unable to stand still. "It just confirmed what I already knew. There's nothing left of my feelings for him. He's a good guy, we've spent seven years together, and I love him for that. But the real love, that part of the heart that beats for one reason alone, to be next to that One, it isn't his anymore. It's yours now. I think I love you. No, I know I love you. I've fallen for you, and I didn't even want to."

He stopped, stood absolutely still, and just looked at her. For several minutes, he stared at her. Then he fell to his knees in front of her, pulled her close and kissed her, almost violently.

"I'm going to erase every trace of him on you. Kiss you so that you forget his lips ever touched yours. I don't want you to remember anything but me." he whispered, his voice hoarse.


She moaned into the kiss, unable to do anything else. Her fingers ran down his back, clasped her fingers around his t-shirt and impatiently pulled it off him. He kissed her neck, her face and shoulders, pulling down the straps to her tank-top, pulling it down to her waist and exposing her breasts. He buried his face inbetween them, mumbling her name, caressing them with his hands. She got to her feet, took his hands and pulled him up with her. Smiling, she stepped out of her pants, pushing the tank top down with them, leaving her in a couple of minimal laced panties. He smiled back at her, then kissed her when her hands grabbed his belt and started to unbuckle it. His jeans came off, and he lead her towards the bed, gently pushed her backwards down on it.

He remained standing, bent over and kissed her stomach, touching her everywhere his hands could reach, then pulled her panties off and shed his own boxers. She opened her eyes when she heard a drawer open, and watched him put on a condom. He crawled over to her, laid on top of her and gently pushed himself inside her. She looked him in the eyes.

"You ok, baby?" he asked. She nodded, and he started moving, never letting his eyes slip away from hers, even as they kissed. It didn't take long before they both climaxed, she just a heartbeat before him. He stayed inside her, supporting his weight on his elbow, smiling down at her, his other hand cupping her cheek, gently stroking it with his thumb.

"I love you too, Joanna. I can't agree with everything you said, though. I fell for you the first time I saw you, so I wanted it all along. And now you love me. And I love you. I love you."

"I love you, Alexander. I really do. You're all I could have ever wished for."

As Lina hung up the phone, she turned around and saw the curiosity in Nick’s eyes.

“What was that all about?”

“Nothing.” Lina quickly answered and blushed. She didn’t want Nick to know about her teenage crush on his band member and best friend.

“Come on, tell me, what about Brian?” he grabbed her and started tickle her.

“Stop it!” Lina laughed.

“Nope not until you tell me what that was about.” He continued tickling her.

“Okay, okay, I give up.” she cried. She hated when people tickled her, she couldn’t stand it.

“So tell me then.”

“Well... oh this is so embarrassing! When I was like fifteen I had this huge crush on Brian…”

Nick started laughing and Lina looked like she wanted to die.

“So you were in love with Brian huh?” he said and couldn’t stop laughing. “For how long?”

“Until about a month ago...” she said quietly and looked up.

“Wait, so you’re saying that you’d still had a crush on him when you got here?”

“Yes! But when I got here I realized that it was a crush on a fantasy guy okay?!”

“Man, do I have to tell the others about this!” Nick teased her and giggled.

“No please don’t, it was just a silly crush...” she begged him.

“Well you know I’m no good in keeping secrets.” He kept teasing her. “So tell me what was it about him that made you fall in love?”

“Stop it okay! I don’t wanna talk about it anymore... besides, I didn’t think you would wanna know about my feelings for your friend.”

“Oh but this is so much fun... and I know you love me, cause I’m wonderful!”


He bent over and kissed her.

“I’m not so sure about that wonderful part...” she said and pushed him so he fell down off the bed. He looked up from the floor a bit surprised.

“Hey, why are you trying to kill me?”

He jumped up on the bed again and lay down next to her.
He teased her a little bit more and then they started to talk about the trip to New York. Lina couldn’t go with them for two weeks because of her job but they decided that she would fly there for the weekends. They fell asleep in each others arms and slept late the next morning. It was Saturday and Lina didn’t work weekends so they decided to spend the day together and do some sightseeing.


They strolled down a street looking for a nice place to eat as she saw a for rent sign in a window.

“Nick, look” she pointed at the sign. “Can we look? I think that this might be a perfect place for me to live”

"Hey, what’s wrong with my hotel room?” he said and looked offended.

“Nothing, stupid, I like being there with you. But I can’t stay there forever. You’re leaving soon and living there would be to expensive for me”

“You know I would pay for it if you need it.”

“Thanks but I couldn’t let you do that. I need my own place here. If I’m gonna create a life here for me I can’t live in a hotel room.”


They went inside to talk to the owner. He let them into the apartment and Lina loved it. It was perfect. It was only one big room but with a lovely small kitchen and a big bathroom. She didn’t hesitate to take the apartment and she signed the papers right there and then. She was able to move in instantly so she decided to move the next day.
The apartment was partly furnished with a bed a sofa and a bookcase in the living room and a small table in the kitchen. So she could move in without having to buy new furniture instantly.


Nick spent the rest of the day not saying much. But Lina was to excited to notice. She kept talking about her new home and making plans for how to decorate it. She bought a lot of new things for her new place and she was overloaded with bags when they got back to the hotel.


Lina got in to the hotel room and threw her bags in one of the chairs.

“I can’t believe it, its like a shopping paradise here. I think I’ve just spend my entire paycheck for this month on new clothes and things for the apartment.” She laughed and went in to the bedroom to change clothes. Nick followed her with a troubled look on his face.

“Lina I need to talk to you about this apartment thing.”

“What about it?”

“I don’t want you to take it.”

“What why not, it’s perfect for me, you know that. I told you I can’t afford living in a hotel.”

“I know that, but that’s not what this is about. I want you to come with me on this tour.”

She stood there in shock for a while. She didn’t see that coming and she didn’t know how to respond to that. She was flattered but she didn’t wanna give up her life. She almost did that once with Dan and she nearly forgot who she was without a partner always standing next to her. She was only Lina as in Lina and Dan.


“Nick... I’m so happy you feel that way, but I can’t. I'm not ready for that. I need a place that is only mine. And I need something that’s only for me. This job and new place is important to me.”

“So you don’t want to be with me?” he looked hurt and his voice shivered a bit.

“Yes I wanna be with you. And I’ll come visit as often I can. But I don’t wanna give this up. I told you about Dan and how he wanted me to be only what he wanted. I spent years trying to please others and trying to erase my own wishes.”

“I’m not asking you to give up who you are, I just want you with me on this tour. Its not forever you know.”

She could tell that he was disappointed in her but she couldn’t help it. She couldn’t go with him. “Please Nick don’t be mad at me.” She tried to pull him close to her but he turned away.

“I’m not mad I guess, but I’m not happy about your decision either. I’m tired of having girlfriends that I don’t get to see more often than maybe once in two months. When I leave for Europe I’m gone for several months you know.”

“I know...” they stood there not knowing what to say.
Was their relationship gonna survive that? None of them knew.


The remaining two weeks went by and Lina and Nick desperately tried to make the days go by slower. Lina moved in to her apartment and bought some things so it would look more comfy. They spent the last days before Nick had to leave by themselves at her place. As the day came for Nick to leave for rehearsal in New York Lina went with them to say goodbye at the airport.


She said goodbye to Jo and the rest of the guys and they left so she and Nick could be alone.

“So I guess I see you this weekend.” Nick said and leaned his head against hers.

“You know it, I’m gonna miss you!”

“I’m gonna miss you too, I wish you would come with me.”

“Nick, please don’t start his again, I don’t wanna fight with you right before you have to leave.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t wanna fight either... I have to go, but I love you, remember that.”

“I know, and I love you. I’ll see you in a couple of days okay?”

“Sure, I can’t wait.”

They stood there for a while just holding each other. Finally they called out for the passengers to go onboard.

“Bye Nick!” she hugged him harder and gave him a long, soft kiss. She turned around not letting him see her tears and walked away. Was she really doing the right thing by not going with him, she asked herself.

Jo and Alex stayed in bed until noon, talking and making love. He fell asleep, so she pulled the covers around him, then went into the shower. She sang while washing her hair. For some reason the Eminem song Ass Like That had stuck to her head, and she figured she could just as well go along with it. As she rinsed the shampoo out of the hair, she heard a laugh.

"I told you you could sing." Alex was standing outside the glass wall that separated the shower from the rest of the bathroom.

"Oh my god, you scared the heck out of me... Thought you were sleeping."

"I was. But someone started yelling about asses and peepees in here, so I thought I'd check it out." He laughed.

"Sorry I woke you up."

"It's ok. Hey..." He wiped away the fog from the glass. "You're naked in there..."

"Yeah, I'm showering. Usually I'm naked when I shower. You're not?"

"Well... most of the times, yeah... But I'm not as cute as you when I'm naked."

"I don't agree... You wanna come in here?"

The smile he had on his face widened. "You think I'm dirty, Jo?"

Jo just laughed and started singing the song by Christina Aguilera. As Alex stepped in, he sang it with her in a funny, girly voice.


The shower took a bit longer than Jo had expected, but she didn't mind. How could she, when her legs were still shaking from what he'd done to her in there? She kissed him goodbye, then tip-toed across the hall to her own room, praying she wouldn't meet Brian. But he'd already gone to the airport to pick up Leighanne, she reminded herself.

"Lunch... Lunch..." she said to herself, to keep her mind off Alex. "Yeah, I know, chicken salad. Then I don't have to go shopping."

She got dressed, a black skirt and a red tank top, and decided to let her hair dry on it's own, just falling down her back. Then she left for the kitchen, but as she came down the stairs she heard the piano playing, and Alex singing. She stood in the doorway to the living room for awhile, just listening to his voice, accompanied by the piano. He looked so out of place there in front of the fancy piano, his ripped jeans, a white t-shirt and his favourite black beanie, all of his tattoos and un-shaved face. Yet it was so totally right. She walked over, and sat down next to him on the stool. He smiled at her, sang to the last notes, then kissed her.

"What song is that?"

"I don't know. It's new, so we're just getting to know each other."

"It's beautiful."

"You think so?"

She nodded, and kissed him. "You wanna help me with lunch? Brian and Leighanne are coming home in like half an hour. Leigh had some news."

"Sure. What are we making?"

"Chicken salad."


An hour later they sat at the table in the backyard, eating and talking. Leigh was very curious about what had happened around the house when she'd been away, so Jo told a bunch of stories about Baylee, including the one where he'd fallen by the pool and scraped his knee. He showed the band-aid to his mother, who kissed the hurt knee.

"So, Leigh... Brian told me you had some news." Jo said, and she could see Brians face light up.

"Well... I do." She looked at her husband, and took his hand. "We're having a baby. I'm pregnant."

Alex jumped out of his chair and hugged them both. So did Jo.

"This is amazing! When?"

"Well, I'm about 2 months now. The estimated date is Valentine's day."

"Great! Oh, I love babies..." Jo sat down again, with a dreaming look on her face.


The New York trip drew closer. The night before they were going to leave, Jo and Alex lay next to each other in Jo's bed.

"Where's your first show?"

"West Palm Beach, Florida."

"Then why are you going to New York first?"

"Our coreographer is there, working on something on Broadway. And we thought it would be nice with some New York life for a while. We're just going to touch up on our routines, we know most of them already."

"Ok... "

"You excited about this?"

"Yeah. It's gonna be fun."

"It is, hopefully. You ever seen one of our shows before?"

She nodded. "Lina and I went to both Backstreet's Back and the Millennium concerts in Stockholm. I loved them."

"You did, huh? You haven't told me you have a Backstreet background... Tell me! Everything!"

She giggled. "I can't... It's embarrassing!"

"No, it isn't... Come on. Wait... Don't tell me you had a crush on Brian too?"

"No.... well... I didn't. I've always liked him, but he's never been my fave. Oh, Nick told you about Lina, huh?"

"Yup. Now spill... How many albums do you have?"

Jo just pointed at the shelf next to the cd-player. Quickly he got out of bed and flipped through her cd's.

"Backstreet Boys... Backstreet's back... Millennium... Black and Blue... Greatest Hits... and Never Gone... Wow, girl. You've got them all, haven't you? Any singles?" He quickly flipped through them as well.

"Nope. No singles."

"So, did you have any posters on your walls? Anything else? And who was your fave?" He walked back to the bed.

Jo laughed. "God, you're hysterical, aren't you? Yes, I had posters. And first, I liked Kev best. Then Howie. Then you... Happy now?"

"I didn't think you were a Kev type girl. Howie, yes, but Kev? I couldn't have guessed. And me... well that's obvious, isn't it..." He laughed. "My little teeny bopper girlfriend."

She laughed with him. "Yup, I've loved you since I was about 17. And now I have you." She put her arms around him and pulled him back into bed. "Any more questions?"

"Which one's your favourite song?"

"Oh, I can't decide..." She put her head on his chest. "I love Last Night You Saved My Life, If You Knew What I Knew, Poster Girl, Crawling Back To You... Oh, and Lay Down Beside Me, of course."

"Of course." He laughed. "We should get som sleep, babe. Early mornings are ahead."

"Yeah, for you. Every morning's early to me... And you just keep sleeping like a baby."

"Well, that's because you wear me out. Not my fault at all."

"Good night, you wacko!"

"Nightie, Princess."


The next morning was chaos. Everything had been packed earlier, but stuff kept disappearing so the bags had to be unpacked, then packed again. Finally they were ready to leave, and they all packed into a limo. A couple of enormous black men had shown up outside the door earlier that morning, and introduced themselves as Big Joe, and Poppa K. Jo had been really scared, but they told her they were Alex and Brian's body guards, and turned out to be really nice guys.


They pulled up outside the airport, and went inside to check in. Nick was waiting for them inside, Lina by his side, and another body guard. Some girls came up to the boys, asking for autographs and photos, and they also snapped a few shots of Baylee, who was on Brian's hip. As Jo watched Alex, Nick and Brian talk to their fans, she felt a couple of hands around her eyes, and everything went black.

"Guess who?" a voice whispered in her ear. She turned around, and there stood Andy, with a suitcase in his hand.

"Andy. What are you doing here?" She waved and shook her head at Big Joe who'd seen what happened, to tell him it was ok.

"Going home. You haven't returned my calls."

"No, I haven't. We're over, Andy. Over."

"You just say that. It isn't true. And by the way, this Alex figure? Who is he? There's no Alex in the Backstreet Boys."

"Yes, it's true. And that's Alex." She pointed at him. "Alexander James McLean. AJ." Alex saw that she was pointing at him, and talking to a stranger, and decided to go over to her.

"Yes, that's me. Alex." he stretched his hand out to say hello to the stranger.

"Andy. Andy Nilsson." Andy introduced himself without taking Alex's hand. "Look, I'm trying to talk to Joanna here. Would you mind?"

"You can bet your fucking ass I mind." Alex took Jo's hand in a firm grip. "She's my girlfriend, you know, and we're going to be late."

"Listen to me, Jo..." Andy said in swedish to keep Alex out of the conversation. "This is ridiculous. Don't you see that? He's just using you. He can have anyone he wants, and still he's with you. You seriously think this is going to last?"

"Yes, I do." Jo said, in english to tell Alex with what was going on. "I think it's going to last, because I love him, and he loves me. He can have anyone he wants, and still he's with me. You're not anymore. Leave now."

"But... Joanna... I love you."

"You're the one who's ridiculous. It's over. Get over it, please."

"You keep away from her." Alex said, leaning in to look Andy in the eyes. "Or I'm gonna call on our security over there. You stick around for thirty more seconds, and you'll have to dig Big Joe's foot out of your ass. Leave. Now!"

"Oooh, he's threatening me with the big bad body guard. Scary. Well, I have to go check in, but this is far from over, Joanna. Remember that." He stroke her cheek gently, then walked away.


Jo was left standing there, shaking with anger. "I can't believe he actually threatened me. Oh my god." Alex just pulled her close, saying every bad word he could think of inside. But he had to keep strong for her.

"We've got to go now, you guys." Leighanne came up to them. "Andy?" she asked.

Jo nodded, and looked back at the rest of their group. Lina looked devastated, but she hadn't been crying. She was holding Nick's hand. Jo gave her a hug, and whispered "I'm going to miss you so, Lina. I'll tell you about Andy later. I'll call you. Love you."

They started to move towards the gate, Nick kissed Lina one last time, then joined them. They all waved at her, then turned a corner, so they could no longer see her, but Jo knew she was standing there still, looking after them.


"So, next stop New York, babe..."

Jo smiled at Alex. "Seems so, yes. God, I love flying."

"Can't say I do. It freaks me out."

"Aww, baby... You afraid of the big, bad plane?"

"Nah, just the big, bad soil 10 000 feet underneath it."

"Lucky we're landing soon then. Those girls in the airport, that wasn't so bad, was it? Why you got these three with you then?" She asked when he shook his head.

"Wait until we get to New York. Got a feeling things'll be different there..."


He was right. When they were taken through the arrival-hall, there were a large group of people, with placards and all kinds of Backstreet Boys-stuff. The noise was undescribable, but the boys stopped to sign autographs and take more pictures for a couple of minutes. There was some press there too, and they shouted questions at the boys. Jo was nervous, she and Alex had kept their relationship secret quite successfully.

"What are you boys going to do here?"

"We're rehearsing for our upcoming tour." Brian answered with a smile.

"Nick? That brunette you were seen wih in Atlanta, where is she? She your girlfriend?"

Nick just smiled at them.

"AJ!!! Are you dating anyone right now?"

"Yup."

"AJ! Who is she? Anyone we know?"

"Nope." He smiled at Jo.

Leighanne had been writing some autographs of her own, so Jo had Baylee on her arm. She looked at her watch. "Guys, we need to hurry up. Half an hour 'til meeting."

They started to walk out to their limo. As Jo came out on the street, she inhaled the New York air. She'd always dreamed of coming here. And here she was. Going into a limo. 'This is insane.' she thought.

The days after Nick left, Lina didn’t know what to do. She went to work and she got home. That was all. She missed Jo and wished that she hadn’t gone with them. She knew that came with Jo’s job but still. She needed someone to talk to. She wanted to go with Nick on the tour, but if she did that she would be giving up everything she worked so hard for. She enjoyed her new work and she was making some new friends. She was starting to settle in Atlanta. If she left to be with Nick all her efforts would have been for nothing.


As Lina lay on her bed and felt sorry for her self she heard the phone ringing. She got up to answer.

“Hello?”

“Hi Lina, it’s me Jo” Lina smiled when she heard her friend's voice in the other end.

“Hi Jo, I miss you! You have no idea how lonely I’m feeling right now. How’s New York?”

“It’s wonderful. We have been really busy so I haven’t had time to call. I’m sorry you’re feeling lonely. I wish there was something I could do.”

“I know. But I’ll be there tomorrow, my flight leaves tomorrow morning. I took Thursday off too so I could be there the whole weekend. I’m not going home until Sunday afternoon.”

“That’s great. I can’t wait to see you. And I have to tell you something. Alex told the press he got a girlfriend!”

She heard how happy Jo sounded and she was glad for her, she deserved that after the mess with Andy coming to Atlanta. “I’m so happy for you Jo. I want all the news when I get there okay?”

“Of course. So have you talked to Nick a lot? He misses you.”

“We talked yesterday, I miss him too and I can’t wait to be in his arms again.”

“You know, you should join us here. He would be so happy to have you here.”

“Jo don’t start you too. You know why I’m not there. You of all people should be able to understand my decision.”

“I do, but I think that you may be wrong in this. Nick isn’t Dan. He doesn’t want you to give up who you are. He wants you here because of who you are.”


They talked for a while and Lina felt how she started to feel better. When they hung up she got into bed to try to get some sleep. She had to get up early the next morning to go to the airport.


The next morning was hectic. But she got to the airport in time for her flight and as she sat on the plane she dreamed of Nick. She couldn’t believe how much she loved him already. He knew her so well, and in a way not at all. She hadn’t opened up about her depression, and even though he knew about Dan, he didn’t know all of it. She didn’t wanna think about it. But she couldn’t help it. Dan had been wonderful but he was constantly wanting more from her.


He had this fantasy about his dream woman and she could never live up to that. God knew she had tried. She tried so hard that somewhere along the way she lost herself. And they weren’t loving each other for who they were anymore. They lived in a fantasy and after a while she couldn’t do it anymore. She broke up with him and he had been devastated. She felt bad about hurting him because once she had loved him so much but she had to start thinking about herself.


'I don’t want this with Nick to be a fantasy.' she thought to herself. 'I can’t give up everything to be with him, not until I’m sure about our relationship. I need to know that he wants me for me. I can’t go through a relationship where he wants me to be something I’m not. Not again.'


They landed in New York and when she waited to get her luggage she saw Nick. He was standing there waiting for her. She ran over to him and threw herself in his open arms.

“I’ve missed you baby,” he said and kissed her. They stood there for a while looking at each other.

“I can’t believe I’m in New York. I missed you too, so much. But now I’m here for the next few days.”

“I know. Let’s make the best out of them. I’ve got a big bed in my hotel room.” He smiled and truied to look innocent.

“I bet you do, but I wanna see New York. Not your big bed... well that to but not all the time.” She laughed and felt happy. She was finally there.

Nick and Lina were escorted out to a limo by his bodyguard. There was a crowd of fans standing outside and Nick stopped for a second to write some autographs.

“Who are you?” Some girls asked Lina and she didn’t know what to say. “She is here to visit the boys.” Nicks bodyguard answered.

'What does that mean?' she thought and looked up at Nick. 'I guess we have to talk about it later.'

They jumped in the car and left for the hotel.

“So what was that?” Lina asked Nick as they drove off.

“You mean about you beeing here?”

“Well yeah, is it a secret that you’re with me?”

“I don’t want it to be, but I want to let everyone know at the right time.”

“And when is that?”

“I don’t know yet, but I want to be the one telling the press about us on my own terms not theirs. Please say you understand?" She could tell that he was worried about her reaction.

“It’s okay Nick, I don’t mind. I understand that it’s a special situation you’re in.”

He sighed in relief and kissed her gently. “I promise, I will tell them soon, I don’t wanna hide us. I love you too much to keep you a secret.”

“I love you too.”


The boys had the day off and Lina and Nick decided to meet up with the others later that night. They wanted to spend some time alone first to explore Nick’s big bed... Not that they told the others that but that was their plan.


“Lina are you ready soon?” Nick banged the bathroom door tired of waiting. He wanted to meet up with the rest and go out.

“I’m coming...” she opened the bathroom door and stepped out.

Nick saw her and got completely stunned. She was wearing a short denim skirt and a black halter top. She had her hair in a loose knot in the back and with some loose strands of hair that framed her faced. She’d put on some makeup that made her eyes sparkle and some simple shiny lip gloss.

“Wow... you look stunning.” He kept staring at her for a while.

“Thank you. You don’t look to bad yourself.” She smiled and grabbed her bag. “So are you ready to go?”

“Well I don’t know if I can let you walk out of here looking like that. Every guy here will be trying to get you to go home with them.”

“To bad for them I’m going home with you then.”

“Yeah you are, and I can’t wait.”

He pulled her close and kissed her. She felt his tongue as the kiss got more intense. She felt his hands over her body.

“Okay stop.” She pulled away and tried to breathe normally. “We have to go, they are probably waiting for us.”

“Okay, okay...” he answered reluctantly. “But if someone tries anything with you I’ll punch them. You’re mine!”

She laughed at his cute face and walked out in the corridor and to the elevators. Downstairs in the foyer the rest of the group already sat and waited for them.

“Hi Lina, I think you’re with the wrong Backstreet boy. I thought Brian was the one for you,” she heard Alex say and she turned around and gave Nick a look that said 'I wanna kill you'. “Well I see that this is going to be a fun evening. How are you Alex? Feel like getting a broken nose?”

“You already did that remember?”

“No I did not, but I could. You were the one who broke my...” She stopped as she heard laughter from the others.

“Are you two gonna fight about this forever?” Brian said and laughed. “I swear you two could be siblings or something. I’ve never seen someone with the same temper as Alex.”

“Or with the skill to confront Alex, and give him a run for his money when it comes to verbally attacking someone,” Howie filled in.

Alex and Lina looked at eachother and grunted. Like they were anything alike, Lina thought. 'I’m not the one who can’t admit of doing something wrong. He just doesn’t know when to stop talking.'


The rest of the evening was great. Everyone had a good time and enjoyed the night out, drinking and dancing. Brian and Leigh got home pretty early to get some rest. So did Kevin and Kristin.


Nick and Lina left just a while after Kevin and Kristin. They wanted to be alone together.
As they got back to the hotel Nick started kissing her in the elevator and exploring her body with his hands. As they got out on their floor she dragged him in to the room undressing him on the way into the bedroom.


She pushed him on to the bed and started to kiss his body. She pulled his boxers off him and took him in her hands. He moaned her name and got up to kiss her again. He took her top off and kissed her breasts.

'It feels so good.' She thought and forgot about anything else but her and Nick. They made love and then lay in bed and talked for hours. They didn’t fell asleep until early the next morning.


They spend the rest of the weekend with the others during the days, and making love during the nights. When Sunday arrived she felt sad to leave. But work was waiting for her. Nick went to the airport too say goodbye.

“I'll see you next weekend then.” Nick said and looked sad. He’d tried to get her to stay but she said no once again.

“Please don’t be sad. We’ll find a way to make this work. I promise.” She gave him a kiss and then grabbed her bag, so she wouldn’t forget to take it with her on the plane.

“I’m not so sure about that, were gonna be thousands of miles away from each other. But I don’t wanna talk about that right now.”

“We can talk more next Thursday, okay? We’ll find a way.”

They stood there for a while, noone of them really wanted to walk away. Finally Lina said goodbye and went on her plane.

Getting used to life in New York, in a fancy hotel with a view over Central Park, was no biggie. Jo had an entire suite to her own, since Baylee was living with Brian and Leighanne, and she was loving it. This also meant she had a lot of extra time at her hands. The main purpose of her employment was to take care of Bay when Leigh wasn't around, and she had all the time in the world now that she had finished shooting her movie. Jo was there just in case something came up, and when nothing did, she spent most of her days shopping. At the end of the week, she was kind of bored, and couldn't wait for Lina to get there. But when she did, all she had time for was Nick. Fortunately, the boys didn't have any practises scheduled during the weekend, so Alex could keep her company. They strolled down the streets, had lunch together, did some more shopping. That night they all went out, one of the boys' assistants had volunteered to take care of Baylee, but other than that, everyone was there, even the coreographer.


Jo and Alex spent their time at the club dancing. Brian and Leigh went home early, so did Kev and Kristin, and Lina and Nick, and Jo was disappointed with her friend. She'd hoped for them to talk, catch up. Lina had missed her, she said so on the phone when they were talking during the week, but now she acted as if Jo wasn't even there. She only had eyes for Nick. 'But that's a good thing.' Jo told herself. 'She deserves someone that'll treat her right. I just hope she doesn't mess things up with him.'

"You ok, sweetie?" Alex shouted at her over the music.

She nodded. "I'm thirsty though. You want something?"

"Yeah, a bottle of water. I'll go over to Howie."
She made her way to the bar. They were in the vip-section of the club, and there were not that many people there. She quickly got two bottles of water, then returned to Alex. "Here you go." She gave him one of the bottles.

"Water for you too, huh? You can have a drink around me if you want to, love. It's ok."

"I don't drink very often anymore. And I like water."

"Anymore? Come tell me why." He sat down on a couch, pulling her with him so she ended up in his lap.

"Nah, no story to it, really." She looked away.

"You sure?"

When she nodded, he smiled. "You know, now that you're in my lap and all, it would be a shame not to kiss me too."

"I think you're right, Mr. McLean. It would be a shame, wouldn't it?" He giggled, then pulled her face down to his. FLASH! Just as they kissed.

"Guess the cat's out of the bag. They know who I'm dating now, don't you think?" He smiled at her.

"Does that bother you?"

"No... Not at all, really." He kissed her again. "Let's dance some more."

"Yeah. Good idea." She got up from his lap, took him by the hand and lead him to the dancefloor. She saw a couple of more flashes, but nothing could disturb her anymore. She was in Alex's arms, the music was loud, and she wanted him like crazy. He wanted her too, she could feel it.

"I can't do this anymore. We need to get to the hotel, or I'm going to do something very inappropriate to you, right here." He said in her ear, his eyes black with excitement.

"I know. We need to go. Now."

"I'll tell Howie. Wait by the exit."

Jo nodded and he was lost in the crowd. She went to the exit, and just as she got there, he was behind her. He grabbed her hand, and they went out to the limo that was waiting outside. A bunch of paparazzi was standing on the sidewalk, and they all rushed up to them, taking pictures.

"This your mystery girlfriend, AJ?"

"What's your name?"

"Where are you from?"

"How did you meet?"

"No comments, you guys. Leave them alone." Big Joe had followed them out from the club, and was now opening the door to the limo, so Jo and Alex could get in. Then he closed the door behind them and got into the front seat, and they were on their way back to the hotel.

"Well, hun, I have to say that you couldn't have looked prettier for your first meeting with the paparazzis. You're gorgeous." He let his hand travel up her thigh, in under her short purple dress.

She couldn't answer him, she just pulled his face close, and kissed him.


The rest of the weekend went by, without any chance for Jo to talk to Lina. They said a short goodbye when Lina was going to the airport, but that was all. The next time they were going to see each other was in Florida. Only five days remained before the boys were going to kick off their tour in the U.S. Leighanne and Baylee, and therefore Jo, would be going with them all over the country. Jo could hardly wait, she was so excited. They were flying to Florida wednesday morning. The last couple of days in New York, Jo spent her time either with Leigh and Baylee, walking around Central Park and in shops around the hotel, or with Alex. He took her with him to their rehersal one day, and she was impressed by the work that was put into the show. They danced for four hours, practising routine after routine, over and over again, then lunch, then at it again. The music was blasting through the speakers in the mirror-lined room. At the end of the session, everyone was sweating and the mirrors were fogged up. The boys sat down next to Jo and she handed them bottles of water.

"So, how you like it?" Kevin asked, wiping the sweat off of his forehead, that had trickled out from underneath the bandana he'd tied around his head.

"I love it. You guys are so talented. But I realize now that it takes more than talent. You work really hard."

Alex smiled and put his arm around her.

"Hrm... you don't smell that nice, baby..." Jo teased him.

"I don't?" He asked, sniffing his armpit. "Yuck! You're right." Everyone laughed. "Well, you try to dance for four hours straight without sweating."

"Nope. Don't have to."

"She's right. Well, I'm really hungry. How about we get back to the hotel, shower, then go out for dinner?" Howie asked, then slapped Nick across the head.

Nick put on his innocent face "What have I done to deserve this treatment? I was just sitting here."

"Yeah, right, Nick." Kevin said, and everyone laughed again. "I like Howie's suggestion. Let's get going."


They went to a small italian restaurant, Leigh had brought Baylee, and he was throwing tiny pieces of spaghetti on Nick. When Nick discovered the pasta on his arm, he blamed Howie, who was sitting across from him at the table.

"D, man... Stop it."

"What? I haven't done anything."

With a loud SPLAT half of Baylee's food ended up on Nick's arm.

"Baylee, no, you can't throw food on people. It's not nice." Leighanne told Baylee, hiding a smile.

"See, I didn't do it."

"Yeah, right. That's nice man. Get help from a two-year-old to get back at me."

Jo laughed. They were all so great. She really liked every single one of them. Her eyes met Alex's, and he smiled at her, taking her hand on the table.

"So, what happens tomorrow?" She asked looking at the others.

"Well, we have rehearsals in the morning. Then, after lunch we have some time to pack our bags, do whatever." Kevin answered.

"Ok... You need me tomorrow?" Jo looked at Leigh.

"I thought I'd bring Bay to watch the final rehersals. Then we'll take Brian with us and have lunch together. So no, you can take the day off, if you want to." Leigh said.

"Cool." Alex interrupted. "Then I'll take you somewhere. Don't make any other plans."

Jo smiled at him. "I wont."

"Then Florida Wednesday morning. First a meeting with our tour manager, publicists and so on. Press, press, press, soundchecks, more press." Kevin continued. "Same things Thursday and Friday. And Friday night, our first show."

"You know what?" Brian got up out of his seat, holding his glass of wine. "I think we should make a toast to this tour. To success, good reviews, and lots of fun."

Everyone rose from their chairs, holding up their glasses. "To success, good reviews, and lots of fun," they said as one.

"And no warderobe malfunctions." Nick added, making everyone laugh as they sat down.


The next morning Jo spent her time packing up her things, that she'd spread all over her suite. Keeping track of everyone elses stuff was something she didn't mind doing, but her own belongings was a whole other story. She finished her packing by closing the lid of her suitcase with a loud bang. Then she showered, put on some clothes, and waited for Alex to knock on her door. She didn't have to wait that long before she heard his soft knock. She opened, and smiled at him. He had a basket in his hand.

"Hey babe. What's this?" She kissed him lightly.

"We're having a picnic. You wanna come?"

She laughed. "Sure."

He took her hand, lead her out of the hotel, across the street, and up to a waiting horse-carriage, helped her into it and then got in himself.


The entire afternoon was very romantic, they ate under a tree, walked around holding hands, talking and laughing.

"How come you can go out like this without a body guard?" Jo asked him.

"That's what's so great about New York. People here are so busy minding their own business, they don't take their time to look at anyone else."

"Oh... Yeah, now that you say so, I have noticed that."

"Yeah. Have you done much shopping here?"

She smiled. "As much as my paycheck allows me to."

"Well, you wanna join me? I feel like getting some new stuff."

"Sure."

They got into a shoestore, Alex had seen some boots he liked in the window, and Jo stopped by a shelf with a pair of the most beautiful shoes she'd ever seen.

"What do you think, babe? You like these?"

She looked at him. The boots were gorgeous. "Yeah. They're really nice."

"Seen anything you like?"

"Like? Please, I'm a shoegirl. I LOVE shoes. I could probably buy every pair in this store. If I had the money for it."

"So, which are your favourites?"

"Oh, I love these." She pointed at a pair of black, knee-high boots with a dangerous stilletto heel. "Oh, and these..." A pair of white strappy sandals were in her hand.

"Try them on." He slipped his feet out of the boots, and pulled his sneakers back on.

"I can't. Can't afford them, shouldn't buy them. Got like fifty pairs of shoes."

"Just try them, would you?"

"Nope. Try them-buy them. That's the way I work. Come on. Let's go." She pulled him out by the arm.

"What about the boots? I wanted them."

"Ok then. I'll sit over there, have a coffee, and you go buy the shoes. No. Wait. There's a make-up store there. I'll be in there. Lip-gloss." He could see that there was something almost glassy about her eyes, as if she was high on drugs.

"Don't go anywhere else then. I'll be right there."

"Mhm... sure."

He just laughed and went back into she shoestore.


Jo was in heaven. Lip gloss and shoes was her two life-long passions. She found two new glosses in the make-up store, and because she felt a bit sorry she couldn't buy the shoes, she drowned her sorrow in lip gloss. When Alex came into the store, Jo was paying for her new stuff. He sneaked up behind her.

"You find something you like?"

"Yup. And now I don't feel so bad I left those shoes all alone back in the store."

"Good thing. You wanna get back to the hotel?"

"Yeah, why not."

They walked back to the hotel, took a nap, then went out for dinner with Nick and Howie.


The next morning Jo woke early. She enjoyed being in Alex's arms for a moment, then realized what day it was. She jumped out of bed, took a quick shower, then woke Alex and ran over to Brian and Leighanne's room to help keep Baylee out of their way. Soon they were in the limo, on their way to the airport, and up in the skies.


The flight was smooth, and as soon they had landed in Florida, home of the Backstreet Boys, they could hear the screams of the teenage girls. Luckily they didn't have to go through the airport, they had a couple of limos waiting on the strip. Jo, Leighanne and Baylee got into one of them, to go straight to the hotel where they were staying. They had one security guard with them, and all of the boys' luggage. The boys themselves got into the other limo, their security following them in a black van, to go to their meeting. This day would be mostly press, then one rehearsal on stage. Jo and Leigh had no plans other then to make themselves comfortable in the hotel. And the next day, thursday, Lina would be there. 'I can't wait to see her,' Jo thought. 'I hope she has time for me this time, though.


The driver rolled down the tinted window separating him from them. "We're almost there, ladies."

"Oh my GOD!" Jo gasped as she looked out the window. Outside the hotel was a large group of people.

"Guess the word's gotten out which hotel we're staying in." Leighanne said.

"You think so?" Jo's smile was ironic.

"Don't worry ladies. I'll get you through this, no biggie."

"Thanks, Deeon. Feel a whole lot safer with you 'round." Leigh smiled at him.

The limo had come to a stop, and Deeon was out the door. He kept it open for Jo, who took Baylee from Leigh as soon as she was standing outside, allowing Leigh to get out of the car.

"Alrightie ladies" Deeon said to the crowd. "Let's split to let these lovely ladies, and this handsome gentleman pass, ok?"

The heard of people parted, and Leigh, Baylee and Jo went through the crowd, into the hotel. 'This is insane,' Jo thought. 'Do I really know what I'm doing here?'

Lina got off the plane in Florida and got straight to the hotel. The boys had rehearsal all day before the concert so Nick had sent his bodyguard to meet her at the airport.
At the hotel she met Jo who had Baylee for the day. Leighanne wanted to be at the rehearsal with Brian but she didn’t think Baylee would like to spend all day over there.


“Hi, Jo.” Lina walked over to her and Baylee.

"Hi, so you came.” Jo said and sound a bit irritated.

“Well yes, I wanted to see Nick, and I wanted to spend some time with you.” Lina ignored the tone in Jo’s voice thinking that she was just in a bad mood.

“Can you believe were going to see a Backstreet concert from backstage?!” she said and smiled. Jo couldn’t help smiling too. Even though she was a bit disappointed in Lina, she was her best friend and they were going to see their favourite band from backstage.

“Yeah, I know, but they aren’t just the Backstreet Boys anymore. They are our friends, and boyfriends.”

“I know, but who figured I wouldn’t end up with Brian, I mean I have been planning the day I'd meet him since I was fourteen,” Lina joked.

“Sorry girl, but he’s taken. And happy with it.” Jo laughed.

“I know... and I’m with Nick...” she pictured his gorgeous face and his beautiful blue eyes infront of her for a while and smiled, everytime she thought of him she got goose bumps and her belly got filled with butterflies.


They talked and laughed about how life had changed for both of them in the last month. Lina felt the change in Jo’s mood and hoped that she had forgotten whatever it was that had gotten her upset.

“So how are things with you and Alex?” Lina asked as Jo came out of the bedroom. Baylee was taking a nap in Jo’s bed so they sat down in the small livingroom outside of the bedroom where they would hear if Baylee woke up.

“Well everything is great actually. He’s so wonderful!”

Lina looked at her friend and could see that she was really in love. “Im really happy for you Jo, to be honest I thought for a while that you would never be really happy again without Andy, but I can see that I was wrong about that.”

“Even I thought that. But then Alex came into my life... And when he did, I just fell for him.” Jo sat there for a moment thinking of Alex and how happy he made her. “What about you and Nick?” Jo asked and looked at Lina with curiosity.

“Well, its fine I guess... He’s just not giving up on the thought of having me here during the tour, and that’s not possible. I have a job in Atlanta.”

“You could quit you know.”

“I know, but I don’t wanna. I don’t wanna be controlled by him. And I thought that you wouldn’t nag about it. You know how I feel about it.” Lina said and felt how she got upset.

”Calm down, would you. I’m sorry, but I think you’re making a mistake. Nick really loves you and he just wants be with you. I don’t see how that is controlling. And he’s not Dan. Maybe he tried to control you, but Nick’s not like that.”

“Okay, but please, let’s talk about something else. Besides that I’m really happy with Nick. He’s so cute, and always tells me he loves me. And I really love him too.”


'I love him but I don’t wanna get hurt, or hurt him,' she thought and then decided to drop the subject for a while. It drove her crazy thinking about it.


They continued talking about all the romance in there lives. But Lina avoided the question about travelling with them. She was determined to stay in Atlanta. She didn’t want Nick controlling her. She wanted to be in complete control over her life and by going with Nick she felt that she would be giving up some of that control, and she wasn’t ready for that.
The time went by fast and a few hours later Lina and Jo were backstage in the venue in West Palm Beach, Florida.
The boys were amazing and the crowd loved them.

“This is so cool” Lina shouted to Jo over the loud music.

“I know. Can you believe that were actually standing here. Look at the crowd. There are so many people.”

They stood there and watched the entire show. Lina watched Nick on stage and felt her heart jump as he turned around and looked at her from the stage and waved at her. 'God I’m so in love with him.' She thought and waved back and smiled at him.

After the concert the boys went straight to their hotel. They had a concert the following day in Tampa so they were going straight to bed. The following day meant more travel end rehearsal before the show.

Back at the hotel they all split up and went to their own rooms. Lina said goodnight to Jo and went with Nick to his room.

"So did you like the show?" Nick asked and lay down on the bed.

“Are you kidding, I loved it!” Lina answered and lay down on the bed next to him cuddling up against him. “I just can’t believe that I was backstage on a backstreet boys concert. I mean I know that you're Nick and my boyfriend and all. But my god, up there I couldn’t help to look at you as a Backstreet Boy and I felt like I was fourteen again...” she stopped to catch her breath.

Nick laughed at her as she lay there trying to calm down. ”Okay, I got it. I think. But I’m still Nick whether I’m on stage or not...” he kept laughing.

“So have you been to one of our concerts in Sweden?”

“One?! Haven’t you guys done three rounds in Sweden?”

“Well yeah...”

“Then way would I have been to only one? I’ve been there for every concert in Stockholm!” Lina answered and looked at him like he was stupid or something.

He couldn’t help but laugh again. “I think you might be a bit crazy.”

“No I’m not. I just like your music.”

”And Brian.” Nick said and giggled.

She threw a pillow on him and turned away from him. “I liked Brian... And you’re not suppose to tease me about that.”
He turned her over against him and kissed her. As the kiss got more intense he moaned and started to take her clothes off.

“I’ve missed you babe.”

“I’ve missed you too.”


She pulled his clothes off and felt her skin against his. She softly kissed his body working from his neck down to his belly. She slowly felt his hardness sliding in to her mouth.
“Baby” she heard Nick and his breathing started to get heavy. When she noticed that he had almost reached his top she stopped. She slowly kissed him from his belly and up, this time until she felt his mouth. They kissed and Nick pushed her down under him, starting to explore her body with his hands and mouth.


“My turn” he said and looked at her with a smile. She lingered as she felt his hand between her legs. He slowly explored her most intimate parts and when she thought she couldn’t take anymore he pushed himself into her. They forgot about everything except each other and their rhythm as he thrust into her. Afterward they lay in each other’s arms enjoying their time together.
They fell asleep that way and woke up the following morning when Nick’s phone rang. It was the wake up call from the receptionist.


The day went by fast. Lina spent the day with Jo, Leighanne and Kristin as the boys were doing a sound check at the venue.
The concert was as amazing as the previous and after the concert they went right to Atlanta. Their third concert was there and then they had a day off before going to Cleveland.


“So what did you think of the concert?” Howie asked. They had done the concert in Atlanta and the entire group and the girls had decided to go out celebrating how good everything had been in the first cities. The boys had made a success and they looked forward to doing the rest of the tour.

“It was great” Lina said. “I think I could watch the show like a hundred times more.”

“As long as you’re looking at me and not Brian...” Nick teased her. The others laughed but before she could respond Nick kissed her.
Kevin and Kristin decided to leave early and Brian and Leighanne joined them.
Alex and Jo only had eyes for eachother as Jo sat in his lap whispering and kissing.

“Well this is fun.” Howie said ironically, looking at the remaining two couples who only had eyes for each other.

“Sorry D” Alex said. “But they are so much more attractive than you are,” he joked and laughed.

“I guess they are, I’m gonna go see if I might find someone to dance with or so.” Howie walked away leaving Lina and Nick, and Jo and Alex at the table. They sat there talking and drinking for a long time. Lina and Nick went to her apartment afterwards and stayed there for the night. The following day Nick was free to do whatever he wanted so they decided to just stay in.


Later the next afternoon Lina and Nick was lying on her sofa watching TV. They hadn’t left the apartment once. And they both wanted the day to last forever.

“Baby, I’m hungry.” Nick whined.

“Get some food then, there’s a Chinese restaurant just around the corner. We could order some takeout.”

“That sounds good, you do it baby...” he looked at her with his big blue eyes, looking like a kid who wants candy. Lina laughed at his face and reached for the phone to order the food.

“Okay, but you have to go with me and get it.”

She ordered and they walked off to get the food. As they got home she saw that she had a message on the answering machine.
She pushed the button and she heard Kevin’s voice.


“Hi, it’s Kevin. I figured Nick would be here so I called... please tell him that it has been a change in the schedule and we have to leave for Cleveland tonight. Sorry to ruin your evening. Tell him to call me. Bye.”


They looked at eachother for a while, both disappointed in the change.

“I guess I have to call him…”

“Yeah I guess you do.” She took the bags with food into the kitchen and put them on the table. 'Why couldn’t we at least have this night?' she thought.

She heard Nick talking outside in the livingroom and he wasn’t sounding too happy.

“Okay, okay, I'll be there.” He hung up the phone and sighed. He turned around and looked at her with disappointment.

“I’m sorry honey, but I have to go. Were leaving in a couple of hours.”

“I don’t believe it, I was looking forward to spending this night with you.”

“I know so was I. But it looks like that does not gonna happen...” He held her for awhile and softly kissed her.

“I have to go, but I call you as soon as I get there, okay sweetie?”

“Promise?”

“I promise. I love you. And I’m gonna miss you.”

She stood there for awhile with his arms around her trying desperately to keep the moment. She wanted to remember his smell and the feeling of his arms around her.

“I love you too, and I’m gonna miss you so much.”

They shared one last kiss and he walked away. She stood there for a long time looking at the door that had closed behind him.


'I know I’m doing the right thing by staying,' she said to herself. But in the back of her head she heard Jo’s voice trying to tell her that Nick wasn’t Dan.
“I know he’s not,” she answered the voice out loud. “But I’m not ready. I don’t want my heart broken. What if I give up everything for Nick and he leaves me?”

Jo was chilling in her hotel room in New York waiting for Alex to come join her. She had the baby watch on, in case Baylee was to wake up in Brian and Leighanne’s room. He rarely did, but she used the monitor anyways, she liked to hear his snuffling breaths. Her TV was on, and she was flipping through the channels, a large latte in front of her from the hotel coffee shop, and eating little bites of a biscotti. It was a perfect way to spend a Monday night. The Boys had done eight shows in ten days, and now had two days off. Brian and his wife had decided to go out for a romantic dinner, Kev and Kristin hadn’t been out of their hotel room all day, Howie was out with some of his friends, and Jo could only guess that Nick was on the phone trying to convince Lina she should come to Buffalo on Thursday. Alex had spent his day with her, once again shopping, or at least window shopping. Since all of their concerts, from Wednesday forward, had been in the New York area, they had chose to use their tour bus as transportation to the venues and back to the hotel. Baylee had been their primary reason. As Brian had said, he was a child, and children shouldn’t sleep in tour buses unless absolutely necessary. Jo was happy about that. More space, comfier beds and room service. 'Could life be any better?' she thought to herself. Then Alex knocked the door, stepping in without waiting for her to answer it, fresh out of the shower. 'Obviously it could.' She thought, letting out a giggle.

“What now? Oh, no, did I forget to put on clothes again?” he said jokingly, covering his denim-clad crotch with his hands.

“Oh, nothing... Just glad you’re back.” She answered him, still giggling.

“Yeah, I’ve been gone for like what? Twenty minutes? You get me any coffee?”

“Yup. Right there.” She pointed at the table next to the door. He got out the cup, took a sip of too hot coffee, burning his lip.

“What the fuck... Ouch! You could have warned me it was hot.”

“Yeah. Or maybe you could have figured that one out yourself. Coffee usually is hot, yaknow...”

“Don’t be little miss smarty-pants with me.” He laughed, throwing himself on the couch, his head in her lap, sticking out his lower lip so she could kiss it and make it better.

She kissed him, then stuck a biscotti between his lips.

“Aw, thanks... Mmm, good...” He said in a muffled voice, spraying out cookie crumbs.

“Nice one there, McLean.” Jo brushed the crumbs off of his sweater. “So, wanna watch a movie?”


Halfway through the movie, there was a knock on the door. Alex answered it. Outside was Brian, just wanting to tell Jo that they were back from dinner. She handed him the baby watch, then snuggled up next to Alex, and they watched the rest of the movie. As the credits were rolling he turned towards her.

“I’ve been meaning to ask you something for awhile...” He paused.

“Ok?”

“Well, all the times we’ve been out to clubs and stuff... You haven’t been drinking. And you told me it wasn’t because of me. Why is it?”

Jo sighed “Long story.”

“Tell me.” He lightly ran his fingers through her hair.

“Well, me and Lina, and some of our other friends used to be out a lot. We partied hard, drinking and dancing on tables and all that. Every weekend, usually both Friday and Saturday. We were known as the party girls. I had Andy, and for the last years, Lina had Dan, so we were not quite as bad as the others, they usually ended up in different beds every night and so on. We had a lot of fun, but we had to pay the price too.”

“Well, most of the time, that’s where you end up. Having to pay, I mean. What happened?”

“We were out, all pretty smashed. We’d been to a party at Sarah’s, Dan’s sister, and were going to a club. Everything was fine, we danced, drank. Tequila, mostly. One of my friends, Emma, had met this really cute guy, and they were making out in a corner. Next thing I know, she taps me on the shoulder, I was at the bar waiting for my drink, and she tells me she’s leaving with this guy. He was with her when she said goodbye to me, he introduced himself, and he seemed so nice. So nice.”

Tears welled up in her eyes, but she wiped them away. Alex was stroking her arm, encouraging her to keep going.

“She gave me a hug, promised me to call the next day. She didn’t. Turns out this guy had spiked her drink. She didn’t like tequila, so she had cocktails instead.” Jo was sobbing now, long, hard sobs, and tears were falling down her cheeks. Alex just pulled her close, wrapping his arms tightly around her.

“Emma... died in his apartment that night. He had sex with her, then her heart just stopped beating. Her body couldn’t handle the drugs and the alcohol, so she died. He raped her and killed her. Oh my god...”

“Oh, Jo, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. That’s terrible. Did they catch him?”

“They did. Emma’s parents called me the next evening, said she wasn’t home yet, asked me if I knew where she was. I told them what I knew, that she’d gone with this guy, told them his name. They called the police, and the police went to his apartment. He wasn’t there, but they saw something through the window. Emma’s top. They broke into the apartment, and found her dead. The guy wasn’t there, but they found him later that night. He’d panicked, ran away. But the cops found the same drug in his apartment and Emma’s body, so he confessed. Said he didn’t mean to kill her. That bastard. He spiked her drink, so she’d agree to do more stuff in bed with him, then happens to kill her. Fucking IDIOT! He got sentenced to lifetime in jail, but in Sweden that means like 25 years tops, and if you behave, you get out after two thirds of that time.” Jo wiped the tears off her face.

“He should be in there for life, then rot in hell. Oh, Jo...”

“One lifetime is not enough. Not for what he did to her. Five lifetimes aren’t enough.”

“You’re right. Come on, hun. It’s late. Let’s go to bed, if you want, we can talk some more, or we can sleep.”

“Yeah. Let’s go to bed.”

He took her hand, leading her into the bathroom.


As they lay in bed, Alex holding Jo in his arms, he asked her:“How long ago was this?”

“It will be two years in October.”

“How do you feel about not being home then?”

“It’s ok, I guess. Last year we all met at her grave, lighting candles and sung her favourite songs to her. It was really beautiful. But I guess you have to move on. I still love her, and in my heart, I know she’s with me, always.”

“I bet she is.”

Exhausted from all the crying, Jo drifted off to sleep. Alex on the other hand, lay staring into the dark for a long time before he fell asleep.


The next day was rainy, so everyone was snuggled up in the hotel, watching movies and playing with Baylee Jo looked around the living room of Brian and Leigh’s suite, astonished that they were all there, except for Kevin and Kristin. There was still no sign of them coming out of the hotel room any time soon. Jo sat down next to Nick on the couch.

“You ok, Nick?”

“Yeah. I just miss her. I hope she’s coming to Buffalo.”

Jo put her arm around him. “I’m sure she will. Don’t worry, ok? She loves you.”

“I love her, too. It’s just... It’s just difficult, to be out like this and not having her with me.”

“I understand. I miss her like crazy, you know.”

“Yeah, me too.” He sighed.

“Where’s Kev hiding, by the way?”

“Oh, they’re... practising.”

“Practising what?” Jo was confused.

Nick pointed at Baylee. “They wanna have little Backstreet babies.”

“Oh.” Jo laughed. “I see. Well, if they’re all cute like Baylee, who can blame them?”


That evening, they packed into the tour bus that was going to take them all to Detroit. Jo lay in her bunk, thinking about Lina, and how weird things had been the last time they’d seen each other. She knew she’d been snapping at her friend, but she couldn’t help it. She felt rejected and abandoned. But she knew Lina, knew how wrapped up in her emotions she could get, and that was probably the explanation this time, too. But still. She missed her friend, wanted to talk to her, even when Nick was around. 'I really need her by my side,' was Jo’s last conscious thought before she fell asleep.

Lina stepped into her apartment and threw her bag on the floor. She went in to the living room and lay down on the bed. It was Wednesday and she knew Nick would call her soon to try to convince her to come visit him during the weekend. She felt her stomach turning again and she felt sick. The last week she’d been feeling really strange, tired and nauseous. Everything made her feel sick.
'But tomorrow I’ll find out what’s wrong with me,' she thought, and looked at the note by the bed. She’d written down the name of the doctor and what time she was supposed to be there.


Just as she was drifting off to sleep the phone rang.
She reached for it and answered.

“Hi honey!” she heard Nicks voice and smiled.

“Hi, I was almost asleep...”

“Sorry, but why are you sleeping already, something wrong?” Nicks voice sounded worried.

”Nope!” She said quickly. She didn’t wanna worry Nick since it was probably nothing wrong. She just had a cold. Some days in bed and she would be fine again.

“Okay, so are you coming to see me this weekend?”

“I can’t Nick, I already told you, it’s getting too expensive.”

“But, baby you know I’ll pay.”

“I know, and that’s very sweet of you, but I'm not coming this weekend. I'm gonna miss you though.”

“I’m gonna miss you too, I wouldn't have to though, if you weren’t so damn stubborn...”

“But if I weren’t I wouldn’t be the woman you love, right?”

“That’s true, but still,” he laughed.

“I love you Nick, trust me I wanna see you, but this weekend I just wanna be at home and try to catch up with everything. But next weekend nothing can keep me away...”


They talked for a long time and when she hung up the phone she got straight to bed. The clock was only eight PM but she fell asleep and didn’t wake up until ten the next morning. As she woke up she felt the nausea hitting her and she ran into the bathroom.

'Why does this have to happen to me? I hate feeling this way,' she whined to herself as she sat on the bathroom floor. If it was something she couldn’t stand it was pain. All her life she had desperately tried to avoid situations that could be a risk of getting hurt. And when she was sick she drove her mother crazy by constantly whining and feeling sorry for herself.

“The doctor better figure out what’s wrong and fix it.” She got up from the bathroom floor when she started to feel better, and took a shower.

As she walked into the doctor’s office she felt a bit nervous. She didn’t know why, but she did.

“So, Lina Carlson right?”

“Yes that’s me.”

“You’ve been feeling ill and tired you say.”

“Yes, I’ve been felling like this the last couple of days now.”

“I would like to run some tests on you if that’s okay?”

“Sure, do what you think is necessary.”


The doctor did some tests and recommended that she’d stay in bed resting until she got the test results. He told her that the nurse would call her with the results the next day and she went home to get some rest.
She got home and saw the answering machine blinking. She had a message from Nick.


“Hi sweetie! Hope you got a good night's sleep yesterday. Wish you would come here, but I'm not gonna nag about it. Just called to say I love you. But I wish I could tell you that to your face instead on a machine... talk to you later. Bye.”

“Man, why did I have to miss that call,” she said and felt how much she missed him.
The rest of the day went by slow. She was bored out of her mind. She’d tried to call Jo but there was no answer. She was probably taking care of Baylee or doing something with Alex.


That night she had a hard time falling asleep. She missed Nick and she wished she’d gone to see him. But it was to late now. She had to get the test results tomorrow.


Rrriiing!

As she heard the phone ring she jumped off the couch and got to answer it. She had been at home all day waiting for the nurse to call. She didn’t feel any better and hoped that the tests would have come up with the answer to what was wrong with her.

“Hi this is Lina”

"Hi Lina, this is nurse Kincaid, I’m calling about your results from yesterday.

“Yes I know, I’ve been waiting.”

“Sorry that I haven’t called earlier today but it’s been a busy day.”

“Oh that’s okay. So what did the results say? What’s wrong with me?”

“Well, I don’t know if I would say that there is something wrong. You’re pregnant Lina.”

“What!” Lina sat down and wrapped her arm around her belly. “That can’t be right...”

“That’s what the results say. You’re experiencing morning sickness, that’s why you’ve been feeling ill the last week. We need to schedule a new appointment where we can do an ultrasound and determine how far along you are in the pregnancy.”

“Okay...” Lina felt completely lost. This couldn’t be happening.
They booked an appointment and she hung up the phone.

“My God, what am I gonna do? How do I tell Nick about this?”

Jo lay in bed staring at the green digits on her alarm clock. 3.15. She couldn’t sleep, didn’t want to get up, afraid to wake Alex, whose arm was parked around her waist in a rather firm grip. Only one day left until her 25th birthday. 25. 'God, I’m old,' she thought. Alex mumbled something in his sleep, and turned around. Jo smiled, kissed his bare shoulder, then got out of bed, onto the balcony for some fresh air. Outside the hotel, down on the street, was a small group of persistent girls, hoping to get a glimpse of their favourite stars. She could hear them talking and laughing as she sat down on a wooden chair with soft cushions lining it. The night was warm, the sky clear and starry. She saw a pack of cigarettes she knew belonged to Alex on the table, picked one out and lit it. Normally she didn’t smoke other than while she was drinking, but she felt like making an exception. She curled her legs up on the chair, and listened more carefully to what the girls in the street had to say. To her surprise, they were talking about her and Lina, the mystery girlfriends, that had only been seen on paparazzi shots. She smiled at a voice who said:

“Well, I think they’re both really pretty. You know that shot of AJ from New York, when they’re walking out from than nightclub, and he kisses her, it’s so sweet. Man, I wish I was her.”

“Yeah, or the shots from Atlanta, the Nicky ones? The first of him and that brunette? He’s so hot, and she looks... I dunno... Sweet. Really sweet.”


“What on earth are you doing out here? And dressed like that? And smoking?” Jo flew out of her chair, her heart racing. Alex was behind her, looking kind of amused. Jo looked down at her oversized t-shirt and naked legs, then started to giggle.

“I was eavesdropping on some girls in the street, talking about me and Lina.”

“Why would you do that?” He took the cigarette out of her hand, putting it between his lips.

“Actually, it’s kinda fun. Wanna sit here with me for awhile?”

“Sure.” He laughed. “You’re one weird girl, aren’t you?” He sat down in the chair, pulling her with him so she ended up on his lap.

“Yup. But sssh. You’re ruining my fun.” She took the cigarette back, then leaned on him as he held her close, and they listened to the chattering girls. It didn’t take that long for Alex’s hands to start wandering up her body, underneath her shirt. She turned around, sat facing him, her legs around his waist, and kissed him lightly. He moaned and the kiss got deeper.

“Come on, babe.” He whispered, then lifted her up in his arms and carried her back into bed.

They slept late the next morning, and for once they were actually allowed to do so. The boys had the day off, but would use it to travel to Pennsylvania for their next show. But that wasn’t until late in the afternoon, so Jo decided to make the best of the day. She and Alex were in bed most of it, but she got some time to herself when he was out getting some food for them. She used it to call Lina.

“Hey hun, what’s up?”

“Not much. You?” Lina sounded really tired.

“You ok? You sound terrible. You’re not sick, are you? Because if you can’t come to Pennsylvania to celebrate our birthdays, I’ll kill you.”

“No, I’m fine. A bit tired, but fine. Twenty-five, huh?”

“I know... we’re getting old.”

“Yup. And not the slightest bit wiser. It’s a shame. But I can enjoy the fact that I have one day more than you to enjoy my youth, before it goes away.” Lina laughed. She’d always liked to point out that Jo was older than her, if only by six hours.

“You have exactly six hours and thirteen minutes, and you know it.”

“Yeah. I know.”

“So, what time are you coming in tomorrow?”

“Round three, I think. Ant is picking me up. Nick doesn’t have time, sound check and all, so he sends his security... God, he’s such a brat.” She giggled.

“Yup, they all are. But we love them anyway, don’t we?”

“Yes, we do.”

Jo heard Alex put the key card in the lock. “Listen, I gotta go, but I’ll see you tomorrow. Safe flight. I love you.”

“Happy day-before-birthday, Jo. I love you too. See ya.”


Jo hung up, feeling happy. The annoyance and awkwardness she’d felt towards Lina was gone, now she was just so excited to see her friend. She went out into the living room to meet Alex, and laughed when she saw the bags in his hand.

“So that’s why room service wasn’t enough for you. McDonalds.”

“Yeah. There’s nothing like it.” He smiled, tugged a bit on her hair to tilt her head back and kissed her. “I missed you baby.”

“Yeah, I missed you too, for all the twenty minutes you were gone.” She said, smiling sarcastically at him, took the cap off his head and put it on her own. “Let’s eat.”


The next morning Jo woke up to a choir of voices singing Happy Birthday. She sat up in bed, grateful that she’d put on some clothes after the amazing sex she and Alex’d had last night. The room was dark, the curtains still pulled shut, the only light came from a birthday cake with twenty-five candles lit on it. The face that was most brightly lit was vaguely familiar...

“Lina!” Jo shrieked and jumped out of bed to give her a hug. “You’re here... but..."

“Yeah. We thought we’d surprise you.” Alex was smiling at her, holding a large bouquet of long-stem red roses in his arms. Leighanne took the cake from Lina and put it on a side table, as Jo hugged and kissed every person in the room. All of the boys were there, and Leighanne, Baylee and Kristin. Baylee gave her a hug and a clumsily packed present. Inside she found what she knew was one of his favourite teddy bears.

“Oh, thank you so much, Bay.”

“Yo wecom, Jojo!” He smiled, and let out a giggle when she tickled him.

“This is from us. I hope you’ll like it.” Leighanne handed her a box that Jo instantly recognized as being from Tiffany’s. She opened it, and inside was a gold locket on a thin, twisted gold chain. When she opened it, she saw a tiny picture of the Littrell family, and one of her and Alex. Tears welled up in her eyes as she hugged Brian and Leigh.

“Thank you so much. It’s really beautiful.” She clasped the chain around her neck.

“You know that my present’s coming tomorrow, as usual.” Lina smiled at her. They had exchanged gifts on Lina’s birthday for as long as any of them could remember.

“Yup. But it’s still unfair. Why do I always have to wait?” Jo filed the usual complaints.

“Cause you were stupid enough to peek out ten minutes to midnight that fateful day.” They both laughed, and so did the others. The rest of the boys had bought a gift together, a thin gold bracelet that matched with the locket, and a pair of earrings with tiny diamonds. She hugged them all, moved to tears by their generosity towards their friend’s nanny. She admired the flowers from Alex.

“They’re beautiful. Just as the rest of my gifts. Thank you.” She kissed Alex.

“You thought it was over? Oh, no, little lady. There are still gifts to come...” He got out two boxes from underneath the bed, and handed the largest one to Jo. She ripped off the wrapper and saw a shoe box, that she carefully put down on the bed. She sat down next to it, took the lid off, then slowly took away the paper that was covering what was inside. As she revealed the contents of the box she shrieked once again.

“Alex! Oh my GOD!!! You shouldn’t have. You shouldn’t have. Oh my god!” she picked up a black, knee high boot with a stiletto heel.

“You liked them, didn’t you?”

“Duh, yeah.”

“And you wanted them. Right?”

Jo nodded. “Thank you.”

“Now can you try them on?”
She nodded again, slipped her bare foot into the boot and zipped it closed. It fit perfectly. She put on the other one as well, then jumped off the bed and into his arms.

“Slow down, babe. There’s another gift as well.”

This time a bit more prepared for what was to come, she opened the other box and found the white strappy sandals she’d yearned for in the shoe store in New York, and ever since.

“Oh, baby. I love them. I love you. Oh my... Thank you!”

“I love you too. And don’t mention it. Always a pleasure to please my girl.”


Jo cut the cake, and they all sat in her bed having cake and coffee for breakfast. All of a sudden her cell phone beeped. She read the text message, answered it and tried to ignore the looks she got from Alex. Later, when everyone else had disappeared from the room, Alex asked her “That message. Who was it from?”

“Andy. He just wished me a happy birthday.”

“Oh. Ok.”

"Yeah. I’m taking a shower. Wanna join me?” she smiled at him, one eyebrow raised.

“Hmm... Hot naked girl. Water. Soap. Yeah, I’m joining. Gotta prepare for an interview anyways.”

“Yeah... blame the interview. You’re such a child.” She laughed.

“Oh... You better watch out...” He chased her around the room, got hold of her and dragged her into the shower, still wearing her pj’s. Then he turned the water on, and started to undress her, while pushing her back towards the wall and kissing her violently. She was as eager as he was, struggling to unbutton his soaked jeans. He kicked them off, ripped her pyjama pants in half, threw them out too, then in one movement lifted her up and entered her. She was pinned between the wall and him, screaming his name and biting his shoulder so hard that she could feel the taste of blood, as he moved inside of her. Within minutes, they both came. Still holding her up, Alex stroke the hair out of her face, and wiped a trickle of blood from her cheek. She looked into his eyes, smiled meekly and whispered: “I love you.”

“I love you too.” Slowly he pulled out of her, letting her stand on her own. “But dang, girl, you’ve got some sharp teeth.”

She laughed at him, and pulled him close so she could see the wounded area. Carefully she kissed the bloody mark. “I'm so sorry…”

“Yeah. It’s ok. Guess I have to rethink my wardrobe for tonight though. Our fans have eyes like eagles.”


Later that night Jo and Lina were standing just in front of the stage next to Poppa K and watching the boys perform. “I really can’t believe this, Lina. This is insane. We’re in America, at a Backstreet Boys concert, watching our boyfriends. On stage.”

“You sound like Joey from Friends when you say that. Stop it. But yes, it’s sick, but I like it.” Lina laughed.

“So do I! Shh...” It was time for Alex to talk to the fans, and Jo wanted to hear every word of it.

“How ya doin’ Hershey, PA?” A roar rose from the crowd. Jo was looking at him, spellbound, and could no longer hear what he was saying. Not until Lina shoved her elbow into her stomach.

“... really special to me in the audience, and she has a birthday today. Give it up for Joanna!” He waved at her, then blew her a kiss from the stage, and Jo felt just like her old teeny bopper-self again.

Lina woke up early the next day with a big smile on her face. It was her birthday and she had to find Jo. Nick was still asleep and she carefully sneaked out of bed. The last day had been great, she had missed Jo and she was glad she’d decided to come. Even with her own problems right now she couldn’t miss Jo’s birthday. She hadn’t told Nick about the pregnancy yet. She didn’t know how to say it. She put some clothes on and carefully opened the door and walked out into the hallway.


“Hey watch it” she heard a voice behind her giggle.

“Jo, what are you doing here?”

“What do you think? Don’t you remember our tradition?”

“Of course I do, I was just on the way over to you. Where should we go?”

“We could sit down in the lobby.”


They walked down to the lobby and sat down. They both handed a gift to the other person. They had been doing this for years, when they exchanged their presents no one else could be there. It was their personal moment together.


“Let me guess, a book?” Lina said with a smile. Another one of their traditions were to always give away the same thing every year. Lina always got a book and Jo always got a lip gloss.

“You know it, so what colour is the lip gloss this year? It was red last year so it couldn’t be this time.” They sat in the lobby for a while talking and giggling. Remembering all the other birthdays they had together. This one was absolutely nothing like them.


“Who would have thought I’d be pregnant at this one” Lina thought. She felt the nausea hitting her and she concentrated on getting it to stop.

“You’re so quiet, is something wrong?” Jo asked. Lina turned her face away. She couldn’t tell her, not before she told Nick about it. But she didn’t wanna tell Nick either, she wasn’t ready to deal with the fact that she was having a baby.

“No, everything’s just fine. I'm tired that’s all. Maybe I should get back to Nick, he’s probably wondering where I am.” They got up from the couch and walked back to their rooms. Before leaving Jo she gave her a big hug. She desperately wanted to tell her but she couldn’t.

“See you later okay?”

“Of course, I’ll see you tonight at our birthday party. Spend the day with Nick. You two need to spend some time together, since you’re not seeing each other that often.”


Before she got in to the hotel room she took a deep breath. “Okay Lina, calm down. Tell Nick when you’re ready”

“Hi birthday girl.” Nick came towards her and gave her a big kiss. She wrapped her arms around him and stayed there for a while. It felt safe. “You weren’t in bed when I woke up, where have you been?”

“Oh, I was with Jo. It’s a tradition we have. We sneak off and exchange presents.”

“What did you get then?”

“A book, as usual, we always give away the same thing every year, another tradition.”

Nick looked at her and just laughed. “You two are not like other people are you?”

“Nope!” She leaned in and kissed him again.

“So what have you gotten for me?” She said curiously.

“Well I’m not telling you. You’ll have to wait and see tonight.”

“Oh, Nick I don’t want to wait all day, please tell me now...” she looked at him with puppy eyes and hugged him.

“No. You have to wait, and don’t look at me like that, it’s not getting you anywhere.” Nick smiled and walked away to put some clothes on. She suddenly felt the nausea coming back and she ran into the bathroom.
After a while she heard a knock on the door.

“Are you okay baby?”

'Shit,' she thought. 'I can’t tell him, not yet. I’ll do it tonight.' She got up from the floor and walked out to Nick. “I’m fine.”


She avoided eye contact and walked off to the livingroom area. They spent the rest of the day wandering around town, enjoying beeing together. As they got back to the hotel they changed clothes and made themselves ready for the party. Lina was scared of wearing anything too tight. She knew that the pregnancy wasn’t showing yet but she didn’t wanna risk anything, so she wore a sweater with a loose fit for the evening and a couple of new jeans to it.

“You look so cute, I could just kiss you all night.” She turned around and saw Nick standing in the doorway to the bathroom.

“Thanks babe, you look good tonight too.” He was wearing a couple of jeans and a black t-shirt. He had styled his hair the way she liked it. Kind of messy, as he just woke up.
They walked down to the hotel restaurant where everyone had already sat down.

“Sorry we’re late.”

“That’s okay.” Howie said. “Okay, now everyone get up so we can sing to Lina.”
They all stood up and sang happy birthday.

“Ahhh thank you that was lovely.” They had all gotten together and bought her a birthday present. It was a beautiful necklace in gold with a matching bracelet, similar to Jo's but without the locket.

“Thank you guys so much. I love it.” She gave them all a hug and sat down at the table again.


They all ordered drinks before dinner but Lina took a coke. She saw the surprised looks from Jo but she ignored them. 'Why does she have to know me so well?' she thought and smiled. 'I really have to tell Nick tonight, I don’t know how long I could keep this from her.' She knew that Jo would be suspicious of her. Usually she loved to have a drink for dinner, and Jo was well aware of that. But she was terrified of Nick’s reaction to the news she had to tell him.


“Now it’s my turn.” Nick said with a smile. “I hope you’ll like it.” He handed over a package.

She opened it and found a beautiful picture frame with a picture of her and Nick. They were smiling and she sat on his lap. The inscription on the frame said 'true love last forever'.

“Thank you Nick, I love it.” She felt her eyes tearing up. She really loved him.

“That’s not all, I have these too.” He handed an envelope to her. She opened and saw plane tickets. She couldn’t believe it. 'How could he? God I’m so stupid, I knew he would try to control me.' She thought to herself and got really upset. For her the tickets symbolized him trying to control her and try to force her to come visit.

“What is this?” she said and looked at him with anger written all over her face.

“Plane tickets...” Nick sounded nervous. This wasn’t the reaction he had planned on. “I wanted you to have those so you could come and see me as often as possible.”

“Obviously...”

Jo looked at her trying to get her to calm down but that was no use.

“Maybe we should leave these two alone for a while?” Jo said and reached for Alex's hand. “Come on baby.”
Brian took Baylee and the others followed him. Lina felt Leighannes hand on her shoulder and turned around.

“I know what you’ve been trough, but go easy on him, he loves you.” Leighanne said and walked away.

Lina turned to Nick and looked at him again. “So, what is this?” She asked again. “Is this just a way for you to control me? You know I’ll come and see you but I want it to be on my terms.” She saw Nick getting angry.

“Has it ever occurred to you that a relationship is built on the fact that both of us should be allowed to have an opinion? I wanted to give you those because I know it’s expensive to travel like this all the time.”

“Yeah right, and by giving me those you made sure that I have to come...”

“I thought you'd wanna see me, is that wrong?”

“No but...” she didn’t know what to say. She still thought what Nick had done was wrong. He couldn’t make decisions for her over her head. But the hurt in his face wasn’t something she had expected.

“I don’t know what to do here Lina. Everything I do is wrong with you.”

“That’s not true...”

They didn’t get anywhere with the discussion except for getting ever more mad at each other.
When it was time for Nick to leave for the concert that night they still hadn’t resolved anything.


“Are you coming Lina?” Jo asked sitting on the bed in Nick’s hotel room.

“Nope, I don’t wanna. I just want to be here and calm down okay?”

“I’m sorry to say this, but I think you’re overreacting to this. You have to stop comparing him to Dan. If you don’t trust him, how you gonna make it work?”

“I know Jo... okay? I know! But I don’t know how. I wanna trust him, but I’m afraid that if I do I’ll get hurt. And I don’t like the plane tickets. In a way they are sweet but to me they symbolize him trying to make decisions over my head. And that’s not okay.”

“Whatever... you know Nick wants you to be at the concert. Do it for him.”

“No. I wanna get some sleep. Tell him I love him and we’ll talk tomorrow. Please?”

“Fine.” Jo sighed and got off the bed. “But you’re making a mistake. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” She walked off and Lina started crying.

'Why can’t he understand how I feel? Why does he keep pushing me? I’m not ready. And when I tell him about the baby I need to be prepared for him leaving me. The last thing he needs right now is a child.'


She fell asleep with the thought of Nick in her head. She was terrified of losing him, but still she pushed him away. She dreamed of the baby, but Nick wasn’t in the picture. She was alone.


The next day she never got to talk to Nick. He was mad and so was she. None of them brought up yesterday and when she left to go home they hadn’t resolved anything. And Nick still didn’t know that she was pregnant.

Jo woke up, not knowing where she was or what day it could be. A new hotel, new view outside the window. All she knew was that Alex was holding her and giggling in his sleep. 'That must have woken me,' she thought, smiling to herself. Gently she nudged him to wake him up.

“What?” He looked around the room, obviously a bit confused himself.

“You were giggling like a little girl. Funny dream?”

“Guess so. Jo, it’s five thirty. Why are you awake?”

“Dunno. What day is today?”

“Friday. We’re in Chicago, remember?”

“Oh, yeah... right.” she furrowed her brows.

“Life on the road getting to you?”

“Guess so. It isn’t exactly something I’m used to. I’m homesick. Not Sweden- homesick, but Atlanta- homesick.”

“I know. Lina’s there, and not coming to visit this weekend.”

“Yeah, but you’re here, and so is Baylee, so this is where I wanna be.”

“Oh, honey.” He pulled her close, kissed her forehead.
They lay in bed for half an hour without talking, just holding each other, then decided to get up and get some breakfast. Jo got dressed and called room service to order something to eat, while Alex was in the shower. When he got out, there were pancakes, eggs and bacon on the table, and Jo was pouring coffee into two large mugs. They were eating, reading the morning papers, when someone knocked on the door. Jo opened it, and Nick stumbled in, his breath oozing with alcohol.


“Nick? What happened to you?” Jo asked, as she tried to stop him from hitting the floor. She dragged him up to the couch, made him sit down on it. Alex came out into the living room, ran up to them and kneeled in front of Nick, who was leaning over the armrest.

“Nicky. What the fuck? What have you been doing?”

“Drinking. Just got in. Fun clubs around here.”

“Why? What happened?”

“Lina happened.” He laughed a short laugh, that ended in a hiccup.

“Jo, see if you can find a bucket or something. Don’t want him throwing up on the carpet.”

“Yeah.” She went into the bathroom, and there, in a cleaning cupboard she found a bucket. She returned to the boys. Nick was crying and yelling, and Alex was sitting next to him, listening with a grim expression on his face.

“They had a fight over the phone last night.” He explained to Jo.

She nodded, gave Nick the bucket, just in time. As soon as he got it, he threw up in it, over and over again. Jo sat down next to Alex, trying not to listen to the sound of vomit hitting the bottom of the bucket.


Fifteen minutes later Nick was asleep, snoring like crazy on the couch. Alex had emptied the bucket and placed it next to Nick’s head, then he had gone to Brian’s room to talk to him. Jo was sitting by the table, solving a crossword-puzzle and finishing her coffee. Then she got an idea, jumped out of her chair and got the phone. She dialled Lina’s number, and waited for her friend to answer.

“Ello?” Lina’s voice was sleepy.

“Hey, it’s me. Did I wake you?”

“Yeah. What’s up?”

“It’s Nick. He came in here half an hour ago, drunk, and said something about you two fighting. Then he threw up and fell asleep. You tell me what’s up with you guys?”

“Well, the usual I guess. He wants to control me, and I don’t want to be controlled.”

“Slow down, he wants to control you? Lina, you’re not with Dan anymore. This is Nick, a totally different person. He doesn’t want to control you at all.”

“Oh yeah? What about those tickets, huh? And how he’s always nagging me to be where he is, to give up my life for him.”

“The tickets were a sweet gesture, a sign that he wants you to come be with him whenever you’re able to. Not to give up your life, he would never ask you to do that.”

“Fine, if you like him so much, then you might as well be with him. Be pregnant with his child if he’s such a sweet, caring person.”

“What? Lina are you...”

“Yeah. I am. But don’t you dare tell him. I’ll kill you if you even think about telling anyone.”

“I won’t. God. How long have you known?”

“Since I didn’t come to Buffalo.”

“And how far along are you?”

“Like five weeks.”

“You’re... going to keep it?”

“Yeah. You know I could never have an abortion...”

“I know... Oh, darling. A baby! But when are you going to tell him?”

“I don’t know. If he keeps being an ass, never.”

“But...”

“No, Jo. Don’t push this. What if he’ll use it as another way of controlling me? What if he doesn’t want children? What if he doesn’t want me?”

“Sssh Lina. He just spent ten minutes crying about you on our couch. Of course he wants you. The other things I don’t know anything about, but I’m dead sure he wants you.”

“Whatever. Gotta go. DON’T tell anyone. Not even Alex.” Lina hung up her phone, and Jo was left sitting in her chair staring at the phone in her hand.


'I’m not a good secret keeper. I suck at keeping secrets. How the heck am I going to be able to keep this from Alex?' Jo’s head was pounding so she hid her face in her hands to keep out the morning light. She heard the door open, made an attempt at a normal face, smiled at Alex and felt the secret pulsating in her chest. She was afraid that if she opened her mouth, it would just fly out. So when he asked if everything was ok, she just nodded, and went into the bathroom to take a shower. When she came out of there, Alex was force-feeding Nick with coffee. He saw the surprised look on her face and laughed.

“Better get some coffee into him. Interviews all afternoon, can’t have him looking like this. I’m thinking about trying to get him into the shower, too, but that’ll have to wait until he actually wakes up. You working today?”

Jo nodded and headed out the door, across the hall, knocked on Brian and Leighannes door. When Leigh opened it, she stepped inside and fell down on a couch.

“You ok, Jo?”

Jo nodded again.

“You look like you’ve been hit in the head with something.” Leigh sat down next to her, patted her leg.

“I kinda have. Oh, I hate secrets.”

“A secret?”

Jo nodded again.

“And you’re not supposed to tell anyone?”

Jo shook her head.

“Well then, I won’t ask you. But you know, you’re gonna have a really sore neck if you keep doing that nodding thing.” Leigh laughed.

Jo laughed too, and felt some of the tension relieve. “Ugh. I hate keeping secrets from the people I love. But she asked me, and how could I say no?”

“Lina?”

Jo nodded. “Yup. Big one, too. Geez. My head is killing me.”

“You want some aspirin? Bay is kinda wild today, so I guess you’ll need it.” Leigh got to her feet, got a glass of water out the bathroom, and some pills out of her purse.

“Yes, please. So, today. What’s happening?”

Leigh gave Jo the pills and a glass of water. “Well, the boys are being interviewed in Howie’s room from noon. So I’ll be back by then. Me and Brian are doing some kind of interview together at ten. Bay’s playing in his bedroom, he’s entertaining himself, but keep an eye on him. I’ve bought a collection of magazines and tabloids, you can enjoy yourself with them. We can eat when I get back, we had a late breakfast. Give him a snack if he’s hungry, though.”

“Ok. Good luck on the interview. See ya noon.”

Leighanne nodded, and went out into the hall to get her husband. Jo went into Baylee’s room, played with him for a while, then went back out into the living room. She was restless, couldn’t focus. Her thoughts were with Lina. Lina, who was going to be a mother. She went into the kitchen and made a cup of tea, sat down on the couch with the magazines and started reading one of them. But no, she couldn’t focus. When she gave up reading and sat staring into nothing, she realized why she was feeling this way. Lina hadn’t wanted a baby for several years. Lina hadn’t fought with her boyfriend over having one. It wasn’t fair. 'She doesn’t deserve this.' Jo thought, but was instantly ashamed of herself. 'No, this is what she doesn’t deserve. I should be happy for her. She didn’t ask for this.' She picked up the magazine, flipped through it until she found something interesting to read.


After the show that evening they were instantly installed in the tour buses for an 8 hour drive to Minneapolis. Jo put Baylee to bed, he was already asleep, then curled up in her own bunk to read. Brian and Leigh were watching a movie in the back of the bus, she could hear Brian laugh from time to time. She’d refused to go with Alex on his bus, knowing that if she was to spend eight hours in a confined area with him, she would go crazy and tell him everything, and she wasn’t ready to do that. He’d been surprised and looked a little hurt when she told him she would be going with Brian and Leighanne, and she was worried that he would think that she was mad at him. Her cellphone rang with a soft buzz, and she saw it was Alex calling. She pressed the “silent” button and let it ring. 'He’ll think I’ve gone to bed and is sleeping,' she said to herself. She missed him though. The bunk felt empty, even if it was barely large enough for one person. The phone stopped ringing. She called her voice mail to see if he’d left a message. He had.

"Hey Jo, it’s just me. Calling to see how you are, say goodnight. Well, you’re not answering, so I guess you’re asleep. Sweet dreams then, princess. I miss you. Good night.”

She flipped her phone shut with a terrible gut-feeling. She wished she’d answered the phone, but she knew it would have been impossible to talk to him. She needed to let the secret sit for awhile before she could act normal around him again, no matter how much it hurt her to keep away from him.

When Lina came to LA, Jo was at the airport to meet her. When they had got Lina’s luggage, they got in a rented car to go back to the hotel.

“How are you feeling?” Jo asked, keeping an eye on traffic, the other one on her friend.

“I’m mostly ok. The worst part is having to tell him about it.”

“I understand. But you are going to? Have you guys resolved the ticket-issues?”

“Well, I still think it was a crappy gift, but I’m trying not to think about it to much. I’ll blame my outburst on the hormones. So yes, I’m going to tell him. He deserves to know.”

“Yeah, you’ve got that right. And then I don’t have to be this stranger to Alex.”

“Maaan, I totally forgot about you and secrets. I’m sorry. So sorry. Really sorry. I didn’t mean to...”

“Well, apology accepted. I think I’ve seen him alone for like five minutes since I found out. He probably thinks I hate him. You know, if my relationship falls apart, I’m gonna blame it all on you.”

“Nice, girl. Really nice. But I’m sorry. I’ll talk to him if he gives you problems.”

“Yeah, but as long as you tell Nick, it’s ok.”

“And I will. I am going to tell him. Tonight.”

They arrived at the hotel, got Lina’s bags up to the room. Jo had to go take care of Baylee, Brian and Leighanne were going to do an interview together, so Lina made herself comfortable and waited for Nick to get back.


Nick came back to his room an hour later. He saw the bags and understood that Lina had arrived, though he couldn’t see her anywhere.

“Baby? You in here somewhere?” he didn’t get an answer and walked towards the bedroom to see if she was in there. As he got in there he saw Lina on the bed, asleep. He smiled and just stood there for a while looking at her. She looked so cute. He walked to the bed and sat down next to here.

“Lina, honey.” He stroke her face gently, and she slowly opened her eyes and reached her arms out, inviting him into bed.

“Hello.” She smiled, flushed from sleep and her hair a mess.

“I’ve never seen such a beautiful face before.” He smiled back at her and slid under the covers, just held her tight for awhile. “I’ve missed you.”

“I missed you too. Oh, baby, it’s so nice to be next to you again.”

“Ditto.” He laughed softly.

“What time is it?”

“Three. Need to go soon, but we have time for a little fun, if that’s what you’re looking for?”

When she didn’t answer, he looked at her, her head felt heavy on his arm. She was asleep again. He smiled to himself, kissed her gently and lay next to her feeling her breath on his neck.

“So much for my fun...” he muttered to himself, but stayed next to her until he was late for the sound check.


Jo woke Lina up in time for the concert.

“You tell him yet? I’d like to have some sex with my boyfriend tonight.”

“Sorry, but no. I slept when he came home, I slept when he left. I was awake to say hello, though. Kinda tired these days,” she laughed.

Jo sighed deeply, wich cost her more laughter.

“What, you afraid you gonna scream ‘Lina’s having a baby’ as you come?”

Jo gave Lina a look that could kill. “Get your pregnant ass out of bed.”


They went to the concert and it was great, as usual. Jo and Lina were with Leighanne and Kristin backstage as the boys ran on and off stage to change their clothes.

“So you’re awake now?” Nick smiled at her.

“Yup. Can’t sleep through life... Sadly,” she giggled.

He gave her a quick kiss. “Gotta go babe.”

She sighed and watched him as he ran towards the stage. She felt Jo’s arm around her shoulder.

“Tonight babe. You have to call me as soon as you’ve told him.”

“I promise.”


When the show was over they headed back to the hotel. Baylee was running wild on the tour bus; he’d slept through the concert and was all over the place. Lina was dozing in her seat, Nick holding her hand. Brian sat in front of them watching how Jo and Leigh tried to get the boy to stop running, with a smile on his face.

“You actually think that’s funny, man?” Nick asked him.

“Yup. He’s so kicking their asses. That’s my boy...” he giggled to himself as Baylee passed him, with the two women after him.

“I don’t think I could stand that all day every day. Having Baylee around for a couple of hours is perfect, you get the cute sides, but don’t have to deal with the bad ones. I don’t understand how you guys have the energy to deal with a kid, on top of everything else we do. I mean, sure I wanna have kids someday. But a day very, very far from today.”

Lina wasn’t sleepy anymore. She was wide awake and her insides were burning with fear and anger. Without thinking about it she lay her hands across her stomach, to keep the baby inside of her from hearing what his or her daddy was saying, pulling one of them from Nick’s firm grip. Through her almost closed eyes she could tell that he looked over at her, but she pretended to be asleep. Thoughts were running through her head. 'He’s going to leave me. He’s going to leave us. I can’t tell him now. I just can’t. This is horrible. I wish I could just die right now. He’s going to leave me. SHIT!'


When they arrived at the hotel Nick nudged her gently to wake her, and she pretended to wake up. “You sleep well?” He asked, and she nodded, unable to speak.
They went up to their hotel room, Nick hit the shower, and Lina snuck out of the suite to try and find Jo. She knocked on Alex’s door, forgetting that Jo was most unlikely to be there, and he opened.

“Lina? You ok?”

“Yeah, but I need to talk to Jo. She here?”

“No... And she hasn’t been for like a week now. I’ve barely seen her. You know what’s with her? Have I done something wrong?”

“Nope, You’ve done nothing wrong, and neither has she. It’s someone else who’s an idiot. Give her some time, Alex. She loves you, but someone’s put her in a tough spot. Gotta go.” She kissed him on the cheek and ran across the hall to knock on Brian and Leighanne’s door. Alex remained standing in the doorway until she disappeared into their room.


“Anything wrong, Lina?” Brian asked her after letting her in.

“No, just gotta find Jo. I have to talk to her.”

“Sorry, but she’s asleep. Chasing after that son of mine wiped her out. She went straight to bed when we got home. Can I help you in any way? I will if I can, you know.”

“Yeah, I know, thanks. But the only one who can help me is Jo.”

“I’ll go wake her up.”

“Nah, don’t. She deserves her sleep. I’ll just go back to Nick.”

“You sure ‘bout that?”

“Yeah. Good night.”

“Night.”


But Lina didn’t go back to Nick. She spent an hour wandering the floors of the hotel, then found herself downstairs in the bar. She ordered a coke, then sat down at a table, staring blindly in front of her. A hand on her shoulder made her jump out of her thoughts. She turned around and saw Nick standing there, looking worried.

“Anything wrong? I was worried.”

“Nah. Just needed to get away for awhile. I’m sorry.”

“It’s ok. You wanna go up and go to bed?”

“Yeah. I don’t wanna sleep though.”

He smiled. “Sleep wasn’t what I had in mind, dear.”

She smiled back at him. “Good.”

He lifted her out of her chair and carried her out of the bar to the elevator.

Jo tried not to meet Alex’s eyes, when she met him in the hallway. They were in Sacramento, CA, and the boys had just performed in yet another wonderful show. She’d been there, keeping one eye on Bay and the other one on Alex, careful not to get too close to him. It was killing her to stay away from him, but she had to. But this time it didn’t work. His hand flung out and he grabbed her by the arm.

“We need to talk.”

“Alex... No. I can’t... I have to go to bed.”

“You’re coming with me.” He pulled her into his suite and closed the door behind them.

“Let go of me. Why are you acting like a jerk?”

“I’m not acting like anything. Sit down. We’re going to talk.” He almost shoved her down on the couch.

“But...”

“Shut up. What is with you? You’ve been totally avoiding me.”

“I haven’t.” Jo denied it, but she knew it was true.

“Stop lying! Don’t you ever lie to me again! Just tell me if I’ve done something wrong. I’ve tried to give you more time, but now I’m starting to feel as if time’s running out.” Alex’s voice revealed that he was more upset than he wanted to show.

“You haven’t done anything wrong. It’s me. I’m not... good at some things in life.”

“What are you talking about? You’re not making any sense.”

“Just leave it there.”

“I can’t.” He sat down next to her. “I love you. I can’t leave it.”

“Stop! I love you too, but you have to respect me when I ask you not to ask.”

“You’re pulling away from me. It’s scaring me.”

“I know. But it’s not because of you. You don’t have to be scared. I love you. I do love you. But I have to go now.” Jo was out of the room before he knew what’d happened. He punched one of the pillows that lay on the couch.

“SHIT!”


Alex remained sitting on the couch, staring at the tv, without really noticing what was on it. Then came a knock on the door. Believing that Jo’d come back, he ran to open. To his disappointment it wasn’t Jo, outside stood Brian and Nick.

“Man, you answered that fast. What, were you hiding behind the door?” Nick teased him as they stepped inside and seated themselves on the couch.

“Nah. Thought it was... someone else.”

“Trouble in paradise, huh?” Brian smirked.

“Seems so. Don’t know what’s happened either. Women.”

“Tell me about that one...” Nick laughed, but ended it with a sigh.

“Trouble for you, too?”

“Yup. Lina was so weird all last weekend. Don’t know what was with her. She slept through most of it, and when she wasn’t asleep, she was unexplainably gone, or she wasn’t talking to me, or she seemed pissed at me, or, at one or two points, was really cute to me.”

Brian looked highly amused. “Man, do I know about those moodswing-things. Leighanne was like that all the time when she was pre...” he stopped short.

“Lina isn’t ... you know... is she?” Nick looked at Alex, who shrugged.

“How the heck would I know? If she is, I wasn’t the one to make her. I bet you know that better than I do.”

At his comment they all broke down into laughter, not thinking any more about the women in their lives and their weirdness. They found a movie none of them had seen and watched it. Then Brian and Nick went back to their rooms, and Alex was left alone.


His thoughts about Jo returned full force as he lay in bed trying to get some sleep. A soft knock on the door woke him from his dozing, and he got up to answer it. Jo was outside.

“Don’t ask any questions, please. I just wanna be with you.” He let her in, took her hand and led her to the bed. She undressed, and lay down next to him, and he pulled her close. They lay silent for a long while, before he mumbled: “Good night princess. I love you.”

“Night, baby. Love you too.” Her answer was muffled against his chest.


The next morning he felt better than he’d done in weeks. He lay holding her, she was still asleep. Suddenly she started talking, random words that made no sense. He looked down at her, but she seemed to be asleep. Then, all of a sudden, she threw herself around, turning her back at him, and her voice was sad and a bit angry.

“Why did you have to tell me that? How am I supposed to keep this a secret from him? I love him. This is all your fault.”

Gently he shook her awake, even though he wanted to never stop shaking her. He was suddenly furious. 'Andy. I could have guessed that one myself' he thought.

“What?” she looked dazzled, as she didn’t know where she was. Then she realized she was in Alex’s bed, and turned around to give him a hug.

“Save it. I know your little secret. When were you going to tell me that you and Andy are still in love? You gonna get back together with him now? ANSWER ME!” he screamed at the top of his lungs.

“Well, good morning to you too... And may I say: WHAT the heck are you talking about?” Jo had quite a temper in the mornings, and she let it all loose on him.

“I heard you. Talking in your sleep about not telling me. Keeping it a secret. You still love him, don’t you?”

“What? Oh my god!”

“Yeah, my god, too. You... Get out of my bed.” He wanted to call her every foul name in the dictionary, but held his tongue.

“I’ll get out of your bed, but I have to tell you, I DON’T love Andy.”

“Whatever. Just get out.”

“Will you please just shut up for awhile? You’re jumping to conclusions, and you’re getting it all wrong.” She got up, started to get dressed.

“All wrong, huh? Yeah, right.”

“Yes, all wrong. I haven’t talked to Andy since he threatened me at the airport. THREATENED me. God, I can’t wait to get back with a man that threatens me. Can’t wait! You fucking IDIOT! Why in the name of god would I want to be with him?”

“You were with him for seven years.” Alex was defensive now, he looked as she’d slammed him in the head with a frying pan.

“Yeah. Pre-threats Andy was quite nice. Now I would never get back with him. Never. I’d die before I let him put his hands on me.”

“Am I supposed to believe that?”

“YES, if you love me, you believe me.”

“I love you, but I don’t believe you.”

“Fine. I’m leaving now, and since you don’t believe what I say, I can tell you that Lina’s pregnant. That’s the secret. There. Happy now? I’m leaving, but know that if you tell Nick about this, I’ll never talk to you. Ever again. Believe me on that one. Feel free to come apologize to me whenever. Bye!” Jo slammed the door to the bedroom shut and marched out of the suite.


Alex sat on the bed for awhile, dumbstruck by what he’d just found out. He believed her now.

“Shit.” He got up, ran out into the hallway wearing only his boxers, and caught up with her outside Brian and Leighannes room, where she was going through her pockets trying to find the key. He grabbed her by the arm again.

“You’re coming with me,” he said and pulled her back into his room. She put up a struggle, but had no chance against him.

“Let go of me, you moron!” she shouted as he pushed the door open.

“Nope. No way.” He pushed her into the room, got in after her, and closed the door behind him. “You’re going to explain this to me.”

“What is there to explain? She’s pregnant.”

“And Nick’s the father?”

“You’re such a dumbass. I won’t even answer that.”

“Ok, so he is. What she going to do about it?”

“What is there to do about it?”

“She’s going to keep it?”

“Yeah she’s going to keep it.”

“You do understand that I have to tell him about this?”

“Nope. You can’t.”

“I have to.”

“If I was pregnant, would you like to hear that from Nick?”

He fell silent.

“Thought so. She has to tell him herself. So don’t go tell him. it could destroy everything they’ve built up.”

“I guess you’re right. But she better do it soon.”

“So, are you going to apologize to me now?”

“Nope.”

“What? Why not?”

“Why should I?”

“I’m leaving now.” And for the second time that morning she was out of his suite before he could stop her.


Jo was furious with Alex for the rest of the day. She walked around muttering to herself, not even Baylee could get her to cheer up. Leighanne asked what was wrong, but got no real answer. The boys had no show that evening, so Jo looked forward to a night in the hotel gym, hoping it could help her relieve some of the anger she felt towards Alex. She got changed, and went down, found a punching bag and some gloves and let loose. She lost track of time, sweat was pouring down her face, but it didn’t make her feel better, so she went back up to take a shower. She entered her room with a towel wrapped around her to get dressed, and saw a piece of paper on her bed. It was a note from Alex.


Hey Princess.
Come to my room when you’re done beating the crap out of that poor bag.
Alex


She smiled, couldn’t help it. She dressed in a hurry, then headed across the hall to his room. She knocked the door, and he opened it. She took a deep breath when she saw that the entire living room was lit by candles. There was a table for two set up, and he was wearing a black suit with a crisp, white shirt underneath it.

“Feeling a bit under dressed here...” she joked, looking down on her simple black pants and red t-shirt.

“You look lovely, as usual. Come on in here. You hungry?” he pulled the chair out for her.

“Yup. Boxing does that to me.” She laughed.

“Yeah, I saw that. Man, you’re good. I was actually pitying that bag.”

“That was my anger speaking. I didn’t see you, though.”

“Nah, I was sneaky.” He laughed. “We should eat.”


They ate, and everything felt normal again.

“You have no idea how glad I am that you know. I hate secrets. Can’t keep them. Especially not when they’re this big. That’s why I couldn’t be around you. Every time I saw you, I was scared that if I opened my mouth, it would just come flying out of me.”

“I’m torn here. I’m glad you told me, but I hate keeping this from Nick.”

“That’s why I didn’t want to tell you. It puts you in the bad spot.”

“Yeah. It’s ok though. I’ll handle it.”

“Good.”

“You know... I’m really sorry about what I did earlier today. And what I said. I totally freaked out.”

“I kinda noticed that. It’s ok. Just don’t do it again.”

“Can’t promise you that. I’ll try.”

“As long as you try really hard, I guess I’m ok with that.”

“Good.”

“I don’t wanna go to freaking Canada!” Lina yelled over the phone. Her mood these past couple of weeks had been like a rollercoaster. She just couldn’t control it.

“Calm down would you. I’m not gonna force you to come. God I don’t understand you. One minute you’re all happy and sweet and the next you’re all crazy. ”

“I’m not crazy! Don’t you dare call me crazy.”

“Sorry then... I’ll call you later okay.”

“Whatever...” she hung up the phone before he could say anything else. Just as she did she regretted what she said. "I’m so tired of this, why can’t I behave like a normal person?” She muttered to herself. She went over to the TV and put in her favourite movie in the VCR. Everytime she felt down she watched Sound of music over and over again. Somehow it made her feel better. Just as she sat down on the couch the phone rang. “That better not be Nick,” she said and got to answer it.

“Hello”

“I’ve told Alex...”

“Jo?”

“Yes it’s me, and I told him.”

“You did what!?”

“Sorry... but he thought I was in love with Andy.”

“My god. He won’t tell Nick will he?”

“No he won’t, but he’s not happy about it. You have to tell him soon.”

“I can’t do that... he doesn’t want kids.”

“What? He said that?”

“Yes he said that, so now I have to break up with him and be a single mum.”

“Did he tell you that?”

“No, but I heard him talk to Brian about it.”

“What exactly did he say?”

“He couldn’t stand having kids around him all day, he just wants the cute sides.”

“What a jerk. I’m so sorry. ” Jo heard the familiar songs from Sound of Music playing in the background. “God Lina you’re not watching Sound of Music are you?”

“Yes I am, so what? I like that movie.”

“Yeah I know, I took care of you while you were depressed, remember? You made me watch it like five times a day. Please don’t go back there.”

“I won’t. I’m just gonna get used to the thought of having Nicks baby and not telling him about it. I could be one of those women who gets pregnant with a star and then comes after them ten years later to claim the child support.”

Jo started singing. “Oh, she’s a gold digger...”

“Stop it! You know I hate Kanye West.”

“I know.” Jo laughed. “But seriously, stop watching that movie and talk to Nick.”

“I can’t. I just snapped at him fifteen minutes ago.”

“You hormonal bitch. Talk to him. He deserves to know. Maybe he’ll understand more than you think. Give him some credit.”

“Maybe I should. I gotta go but I’ll talk to you later.”


She didn’t watch Sound of Music one more time that weekend. She lay on the couch for 48 hours straight. Nick tried to call her a couple of times but she didn’t answer. If she was gonna tell him she couldn’t do it over the phone. And if she talked to him without saying anything they would only end up fighting. Everything felt hopeless and she was scared to death.

When Jo hung up the phone after talking to Lina, she was everything but comforted. When she heard Sound of music in the background, she felt the past come back to her. The past where Lina was so depressed she couldn’t get out of bed, couldn’t take care of herself, couldn’t do anything without help. And Jo sitting in her dark apartment, watching her sleep, afraid that she was going to wake up and try to hurt herself. She had done that more than once, slit her wrist up with tiny cuts, not to kill herself but to drown her emotional pain in the physical. It hurt Jo more than anything when she saw the marks Lina thought she was hiding. And, through it all, the songs from Sound of music, as the happy soundtrack to their pain.

“God, I hate Sound of Music.” Jo muttered to herself as she went into the bedroom of Alex’s suite, where he was resting.

“What was that?” Alex asked her.

“I just hate Sound of music.”

“You thinkin' about Sound of Music? Why? I thought you were talking to Lina.”

“Yeah. And Lina was watching it.”

Alex laughed. “Why?”

“It’s this thing she does. Whenever life goes against her or she’s unhappy in any way, she watches Sound of Music. During her worst depression I lived with her, and she made me watch it like five times a day. Almost made me crazy.”

“But you stuck through it?”

“Yup. Earplugs. She was so depressed, she didn’t know what I was doing. She just yelled at me from time to time.”

“She was mad at you?”

“No. Earplugs.”

“So, why is she depressed now?”

“She thinks Nick doesn’t want kids.”

“Where she get an idea like that? Nick loves kids.”

“He said it. To Bri, I think.”

“I doubt that. She must have misunderstood something he said.”

“I doubt that. She gave me the direct quote.”

“Really?”

“Yes, really.”

“I feel like you’re just mimicking what I say. You’re starting to piss me off. She has to tell Nick. If she doesn’t, then I will.”

“You promised!”

He got out of bed, pulled his jeans on, stuck his feet in a pair of boots and walked into the living room. “Yeah, I promised. But I also promised, during rehab, that I would never lie to him, or any of the guys, again.”

“You are so not telling him.”

“Not right now, no. But if she doesn’t soon, I will. That’s another promise, princess.” He opened the door and walked out on her. She was so mad at him she didn’t know what to do.

“He drives me fcuking CRAZY!” she yelled, grabbed a pillow from the couch and threw it at the door he’d closed behind him.

Lina arrived in Kitchener, Canada, and found Nick waiting for her in the airport, dressed to blend in with a cap and sun glasses. She ran towards him dragging her bags behind her, and threw herself in his arms.

“Baby!”

“Hey Lina! You had a good flight?”

“It was ok. How are you?”

“I’m ok. I’ve missed you.” He kissed her.

“I missed you too. I’m sorry I got all crazy on the phone.”

“I thought you said you weren’t crazy.” He laughed and took her hand as they started to walk towards the car.

“I’m not. But you know what I mean.”

“Yeah. I know.”


When they got to the hotel she unpacked her bags. Nick was on the phone talking to someone, and Lina wondered how she was ever going to be able to tell him about the baby. He hung up, and came in to help her.

“Hey, baby, there’s something I gotta tell...”

“LINA!” Jo burst through the door and ran in to hug her friend. She helped Lina to unpack the last of her things, and they talked so much that Nick claimed they gave him a headache, and quickly left them alone.

“Great going there, girl. I tried to tell him, and then you come running through the door.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry. So sorry. But there was something I needed to tell you too...”

“What?”

But Jo never got a chance to tell Lina, her phone rang, and she had to go take care of Baylee for awhile, and Lina was left on her own. She put her bags away and decided to lay down for awhile. She’d just fallen asleep when Nick came back.

“Are you sleeping again? You’re always asleep nowadays. I never get any time with you, cause you’re always asleep.”

“I’m tired. Flying you know.” Lina tried not to lose her temper with him.

“You shouldn’t fly back and forth then, if it makes you tired. You should stay here with me all of the time. I want you to. Please, Lina.”

“I can’t. I have work.”

“Yeah, and I appreciate that. But you don’t have to be working all of the time.”

“Yes, I do. That’s how the real world works, you showbiz-brat.”

“You could quit.”

“Why should I? I love what I do. It may not matter to you, but it does to me. I want to work.”

“Even if work means you don’t get to see me?”

“Well, sometimes you’ve got to make sacrifices in life. I wanna see you, but I wanna work, too. It’s a puzzle, but it works, doesn’t it?”

“You’re right. I just wish...” she quieted him with a kiss.

“Just shut up, would you, Nickolas.”

“Whatever you say, miss.”

The rest of the afternoon they spent in bed, until Jo called and asked if they wanted to go out.

“Sure. When?”

“Like half an hour?”

“Sounds great.” Lina hung up the phone and pushed Nick out of bed. “Take a shower, get dressed. We’re going out!”


45 minutes later everyone was ready, and gathered out in the hallway.

“So, what are we celebrating?” Lina asked.

“Well, we’ve confirmed the rumours about a new Backstreet Baby being born.” Brian smiled.

Lina quickly put a hand across her stomach. Jo saw it and took the hand in hers. “That’s great news...” Linas smile was forced.

“Yup. We figured it was best to tell, since I’m already turning into a hippo.” Leighanne laughed.

“Should we go then?” Jo asked, her hand was being crushed by Alex, and she wanted out of there.

“Yeah! Let’s go!” Howie agreed.


They went out to dinner, then took the limo to a nearby club. Outside was paparazzi and screaming teenage girls, but Lina was getting used to it by now. The press still hadn’t learned her name, but they yelled at her and Nick, and he stopped by a reporter.

“This is my girlfriend, Lina Carlson. No questions, please.”

The reporter nodded, and they left him and got into the club. Jo and Alex headed straight for the dancefloor, as did Howie and Kevin, who had Kristin’s hand in a firm grip. Lina and Nick sat down at a table with Brian and Leigh.

“You want anything, guys?”

“I’ll have a coke.” Leigh smiled at her husband.

“Yeah, me too.” Everyone looked at Lina, and Nick raised an eyebrow, but didn’t make any comments.

“I’ll have a beer, thanks.” Brian went for the bar. He came back with a tray, carrying two cokes, and two beers.


Brian and Leigh went home early, as did Kevin and Kristin. The others kept dancing, so Lina and Nick were left alone at the table. 'This is my opportunity,' she thought, but before she got a chance to open her mouth, a somewhat drunk Nick was complaining about the fact that she was never around. She’d thought that they’d settled that discussion earlier, and told him they’d talk about it later.

“Later? It’s always ‘later’ with you. I can’t stand it. I wanna be with you, but you keep avoiding me.”

“That’s not true, Nick.”

“You’re wrong. It is true.”

“Well, if it is, maybe it’s because you keep trying to control me.”

“I’m not trying to control you. You’re just a scared little freak.”

“Am I a freak? I’ve been through enough to know when I’m the freak and when I’m not. And let me tell you, I’m definitely not the freak now. If anyone’s a freak here, it’s you. You’ve got no grip on real life.” Lina was so mad she hissed at him.

“So now I’m the freak? Get real. I’m living in the real world here. You’re the one who’s trying to run away from what’s real. You can’t even come with me on the tour. I’m amazed that you even took the time to come and visit me here.”

“You’re just mean. I...” Lina felt tears in her eyes, and decided it was best to run while she could. She ran for the exit, tears falling down her face, didn’t look where she was going, so she bumped into someone. She looked up and saw Howie standing there.

“Hey, what’s the rush girl?” he asked.

“I have to get out of here.”

“What’s up Lina? He’s not being nice to you?”

“Not very.”

“I’ll take you back to the hotel. We can’t let you leave the club looking like that. We’ll go out through the back. I’ll call the driver.”

“Thanks.”

“Don’t worry about it.”


He got the driver to get to the back door, and they got into the limo.

“You wanna tell me what’s wrong?”

Lina was going to say no, but when she opened her mouth words came out that she wasn’t expecting. “I’m pregnant. Nick doesn’t know, and he doesn’t want kids, and now he hates me for not letting him control me.”

“Hold your horses there. We talking about the same Nick here?”

“Yeah. My god, it’s just such a mess...”

“You’re right. Let’s talk about this when we get to the hotel. Dry your eyes, sweetie.”


Lina joined Howie in his hotel room, they sat on the couch and he got out a soda for her.

“Now. Tell me everything, from the start.”

“Well, a while back, when I was still in Sweden, I was engaged to this guy, Dan. We were together for four years, and well... he was trying to control me. He wanted me to be someone I could never be. Ever. And when it got bad enough I fell into a depression. Couldn’t do anything. He didn’t understand, so we broke up, and that made it even worse. Jo moved in with me, because I started with something that was... well, it wasn’t good for me.” She pulled up the sleeve on her top and showed the small, but still visible scars on the inside of her arm.

“You cut yourself?”

“Yup. Stupid when I look back. Felt totally necessary then. So when we had our little argument today and he called me a freak, he kinda hit a soft spot.”

“He doesn’t know about this?”

“Nope.”

“Seems like you’re keeping an awful lot of secrets from him. Why?”

“I’m afraid that he won’t understand. I don’t wanna lose him. And this baby’s got me scared enough about him leaving me.”

“Why is that? Heck, Nick loves kids. You’ve seen him around Baylee, haven’t you? He’s so great with them.”

“But I heard him talking to Brian about how he didn’t understand how they could handle a child with all the pressure you guys are under.”

“Just talk. I don’t think he meant anything by that.”

They talked until dawn, and when she just couldn’t keep her eyes open Howie carried her into his bed, then lay on the couch to try and get some sleep. His heart was bleeding for her, but he’d done everything he could for her.


They didn’t get too much sleep that night, because early the next morning there was a knock on the door. Lina woke up, had no idea where she was at first, but still stumbled out of bed to answer the door. Howie had beaten her to it, and Nick was standing in the doorway. When he saw her coming out of the bedroom, his worried look changed into anger.

“I’ve been looking everywhere for you. What the fuck are you doing here? Have you guys...? Oh my god, you slut! You slept with each other?” He turned to Howie. “You bastard.”

“Calm down Nick.” He said, but too late.

“You fucking bitch, you’re such an idiot, I hate you, and I wish I’d never met you.”

Lina felt her eyes tearing up, 'I can’t handle this right now. I just gotta get out of here,' she thought, got her things and ran out, after a quick “Thank you” to Howie.


Nick looked at her with disgust, and screamed after her as she ran for the elevators. “You can’t even be grown enough to take the consequences of your actions. You’re a coward and a bitch.”

When she disappeared out of sight he stepped into Howie’s room, slamming the door shut behind him.

“Calm down, Nick. Nothing happened. You see here, that there’s a pillow and a blanket on the couch? That’s where I slept for the last hour or so. We were up all night, talking.”

“Yeah, right. Then maybe you figured out what her fucking problem is?” He looked over at the couch, and saw that there actually was a pillow on it, and a blanket. “SHIT.”

“Told you nothing happened, bro.”

“Sorry, man. What just happened?”

“Well, she’s been through hell and back with her ex-boyfriend, but is afraid to tell you, because she doesn’t want you to think she’s a freak. She’s been having depressions severe enough for her to resort to cutting herself, and I shouldn’t really be the one telling you this, but she’s pregnant with your child. That’s about everything that just happened.”

“She’s... pregnant?”

“Yes.”

Nick sat down on the floor, his legs were too weak to carry him. “SHIT.”

“Yeah, man. Couldn’t have said it better myself.”

“What the fuck have I done?”

“I don’t know how to answer that.”

“SHIT! I gotta go after her!”

“Yeah. You do. Go!” Howie stretched out his hand to help Nick up.

“I’m so sorry. You have no idea.”

“It’s ok. Go now! GO!” he opened the door, and Nick ran out, down the hall, to search high and low for the woman he loved.

The knock on the door didn’t wake Jo or Alex. They had been out until four that morning, dancing and laughing, they didn’t even notice when the others left. A knock on the door was no way near enough to wake them from three hours of sleep. Howie, who was the one who was knocking realized that, too, and decided to call instead. This worked better, and he got a tired Jo to answer.

“’lo?”

“Jo?”

“Mmmhm.”

“We’ve got a problem. Open the door and let me in, please.”

“Coming.” She hung up, all of a sudden wide awake, pulled on a pair of sweatpants and a tank top and opened the door. Howie entered the room, he also looked tired.

“What’s happened?”

“Wake Alex, would you?”

“No need for that. I’m awake.” Alex came from the bedroom, wearing nothing but a pair of unbuttoned jeans and a beanie. “What’s up man?”

Howie covered his face with his hands, sat down on the couch. “I don’t know where to start. Nick and Lina got into a fight last night. He was drunk, said a bunch of crap to her. She ran away from him, bumped into me, crying. So I took her back here, we talked.”

“She told you about..?”

“Yes, she told me about the baby. And basically everything else, too. She fell asleep on the couch at dawn, and I can’t have a pregnant girl sleeping on the couch, so I carried her into my bed, tucked her in, and slept on the couch myself. Then this morning Nick knocks on the door, I answer it, he sees Lina coming from my bedroom... you can guess the rest. She ran away, and I don’t know where she went. Nick is out looking for her. I explained the situation to him, and he’s pretty much feeling like an idiot right now.”

“He won’t find her.” Jo’s answer came fast. “I can’t imagine anything else than that she’s going home. She’s going back to Sweden.”

“How do you know that?” Howie looked at her.

“I just do. It’s what Lina does. I know her.”

“I’ll call Nick.” Howie reached for the phone.

“Yes, tell him to stop looking. She needs some time right now.”


After talking to Nick, Howie went back to his room, and Alex and Jo decided to try and get some more sleep. But their heads had barely touched the pillows when there were another knock on the door. This time it was Nick, and he was a mess. Jo answered the door, and he looked at her, his eyes teary, and whispered “She’s gone, right?”

“Yes, she’s gone. My guess is she’s on her way back to Sweden as we speak.” Jo’s tone of voice was a bit harsher that she wanted it to be, but she was mad at him. He’d hurt her best friend, and that wasn’t something she was willing to forgive right away.

“Oh my god. I love her. She can’t go.”

“She has gone. You drove her away.”
Alex came out of the bedroom, gestured at Jo that he’d take care of Nick, so she quietly went into the bedroom, closing the door behind her.

“Congrats’ dad... How you holding up?”

“How’d you know about it? How the fuck can it be that everyone knew I was going to be a father before I did? Is this some kind of conspiracy? When was I supposed to find out? When it was born? When it turned eighteen maybe? Fucking shit.”

“Calm down, Nick. Howie was in here when he called you. Jo knew, but she was the only one.” Alex lied without a doubt. The truth would do much damage here.

“You sure about that?”

“Yes.”

“My god.” Nick finally broke down into tears, and for the second time that morning his legs failed him. He sat in the middle of the floor sobbing like a baby. Jo had had enough of sitting in the bedroom listening, so she opened the door and walked up to him.
Alex nodded at the door to the hallway, and Jo nodded. He left them alone, and she sat down next to Nick, put her arms around him and held him.

“Have I blown this totally?” He asked, wiping the tears from his cheeks.

“I honestly don’t know. She loves you. But this could be too much for her. I don’t know.”

He sighed.

“Come on now, Nick. Let’s get you into bed. You need to sleep.” She got to her feet and then helped him up.

“How am I supposed to tell the others about this?”

“You want me or Alex to do it?” She put her arm around him as they started walking towards his room.

“Would you?”

“Of course. I’ll take care of it. Don’t worry. And about Lina... Give her some time. She needs it right now.”

“Thank you, Jo. I was so afraid you would hate me.”
“I don’t hate you. I couldn’t. But I am mad at you. But that’s fixable.” She smiled at him, and got a weak smile back. At his door he gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek, then opened the door and got inside. She kept the door open long enough to see him collapsing on his bed, then closed it and went to knock on Brian and Leighanne’s door.


When Brian opened, still in his pj’s but with a freshly bathed and dressed Baylee on his arm, he gasped.

“Girl you look horrible. What on earth happened to you?”

“I have to talk to you guys. Summon a meeting, but leave Nick out. I just put him to bed, and he needs his sleep. Alex and Howie know what’s happened, but we need to talk. Tell Kev to bring Kris.”

“Consider it done.” He let Baylee down on the floor next to Jo, and she gave the child a hug. He hugged her back, then ran off to play with his toys.

There was a knock on the door, and Jo answered it. Howie and Alex were outside, and they had Kristin and Kevin with them.

“Look who we met at the breakfast-buffet! Didn't get a chance to eat anything though, cause someone called and interrupted.” Alex smiled, then leaned in close. “How is he?”

“Fine. Asleep.”

“Good!”

“Now, Jo, would you mind telling us what’s up?” Brian sat down at the table and poured himself a cup of coffee.

“Just, before we start you guys,” Leighanne interrupted, “Breakfast is on it’s way up.” She sat down next to her husband. Everyone took a seat around the massive table, and Jo cleared her throat.

“I’ll tell it. If you want me to, Jo?” Howie asked.

“Please tell the part of what happened this morning. I’ll start with what I know. Lina’s pregnant. Nick is the father. She’s probably on her way back to Sweden as we speak.”

A choir of voices were raised around the table. “Oh my god!”, “She’s pregnant?”

The only one who didn’t say anything was Kris. Her eyes teared up and she ran out of the room. Kevin looked at them all. “She’s a bit sensitive right now. We’re trying, but there is no result. No babies. It’s hard for her. I better go after her. Fill me in later, will you?”

As he left, breakfast came with a room service waitress. She set the table up and then left again, without a word being uttered in the room besides a quick “Thank you” from Brian. They had their breakfast and discussed the events of the last 24 hours. No one could believe it had actually happened, but they knew far too well that it had.


A few more days went by, and before anyone knew it, their tour of Canada and the US was to be finished off with a show in Montreal. They had arrived there late the night before, and Jo had Baylee in her room, to give Brian and Leighanne some alone time. She looked at her watch. Noon. That gave her four more hours of taking care of Baylee before leaving for the venue. Great, that would give them time for a visit to the hotel pool, she thought. Then she heard a loud banging on the door, and a voice yelling at her to open. She peeked through the hole in the door and saw Kevin. She opened the door, and he burst inside, fuming with anger, and started to yell at her again.

“Kev? Kev? KEVIN?” She tried to get him to stop, resorting to yelling herself. As he quieted down she said “We’ve got a child here, man. Take it easy. Something happened?”

“You know something’s happened, so stop playing stupid with me.” He tossed a tabloid at her. As she read the headline on the cover, she could feel every drop of blood leave her face.


“Backstreet’s Babies. Bliss or sorrow? We tell you All about the Boys New Lives”


She opened the magazine, and there was everything. First a small story on Brian and Leighannes new baby, with a copy of their announcement and a picture of Baylee. Then a larger piece on Kevin and Kristin and their trying to have a baby, without any success. And last but not least a four-page story on Lina, her baby and her fight with Nick at the club. As Jo finished reading the article that pointed out her oldest friend to be a gold digger and a slut, she felt her temper rising. Alex came through the door, and she pointed at Bay, asking him silently to remove the child. He did so, brought Baylee down to the hotel pool. As soon as they were out the door Jo threw the tabloid back at Kevin, furious.

“You think I did this? Have you even read what the fuck it says? Why the hell would I wanna spread rumours about you guys? And why, even if I wanted to spread lies about you, would I drag my best friend ever through the shit along with you? You’re insane! Get out of here!”

He obeyed her without a word. Jo was trying to calm herself when she heard another knock on the door. She sighed, then got to her feet to answer it. This time it was Brian, and he was dead pale.

“You have to come. Leigh is bleeding. I’ve called the ambulance, but she wanted you to come with us. Where’s Bay?”

“Alex has him. I had to get him out of the way so I could scream at Kev. I hope you don’t mind.” She grabbed her bag and ran across the hall.

“Not at all. I told him it wasn’t you, but he wanted to ask you anyways.” Brian was right behind her.

“I guess you can call what he did asking.”

“She’s in the bedroom.”

Jo entered the room and saw Leigh in bed, all pale. She sat down next to her on the bed, took her hand. “Don’t worry Leigh. We’ll get you through this.” The same minute a couple of men came in with a stretcher, followed by a crew of doctors and nurses. They took Leigh out to the ambulance, and Brian got in with his wife.

“I’ll be right behind you. I just have to tell Alex and talk to Kris, so that she takes care of Bay tonight.” Jo said at the closing doors of the ambulance, and then she ran into the hotel.


Half an hour later Jo arrived at the hospital, winded and worried. She asked for Leighanne in the reception, and was showed to a separate waiting room, where Brian sat all alone.

“You hear anything?” She gave him a hug, his miserable expression told her he needed one.

“Nope. They’re working on her now. They won’t tell me anything.”

“Don’t you worry. She’ll be fine.”

They sat in the room for an hour before a doctor came in. “Mr. Littrell, Miss. You can stop worrying now. Mrs. Littrell will be just fine, as will the baby. She just needs a little time to take things slow and recover. No more touring for her for three weeks or so.”

“How’s two weeks?”

“Enough. She wants to see the two of you. This way, please.”

Jo stayed with Leigh when Brian left for the venue, even if they had to force him to leave. Leigh was going to stay at the hospital overnight, just to check that everything really was ok, then they would take the tour bus down to Atlanta, where they would be based for the next two weeks. The boys would be flying out and in, shooting videos and so on, but Jo and Leigh were just going to stay at home.


The trip home felt like forever, but the two weeks that followed were short. The only thing that bothered Jo was the total lack of contact with Lina, but she was afraid to call her, afraid that she was mad at her, too, and not just Nick.
Nick was a whole other story. Since the end of the tour, no one had seen him, until he showed up for a video shoot totally drunk and looking as if he was living in a dumpster. He hadn’t talked to anyone at all, and Jo knew that his bandmates were worried about him.

Lina lay on the couch at her mum’s house just doing nothing. Since she’d come home all she’d done was cry. She hadn’t even talked to Jo. As she lay there thinking about how much she missed Jo, her mum came rushing in to the living room with a newspaper in her hand.


“Lina, honey, you need to see this. I’m so sorry, I know how you feel but I don’t want you to find out from someone else.” Her mother sounded really upset. She sat up and reached for the paper. Her mother hesitantly gave it to her. She gasped for air as she saw the head line.


“Backstreet’s Babies. Bliss or sorrow? We tell you All about the Boys New Lives”


“My god...” was all she could say. She read the article and tears flooded her eyes. She couldn’t understand how this had reached the press. She stroke her belly as to protect her baby from the bad news. She was only 9 weeks pregnant but she already thought about the baby as a living person. She read the article over and over again. She desperately wanted to call Jo but she was afraid to. She didn’t know how Jo reacted to her leaving and she was scared of the thought of Jo being mad at her.


“You have to call Jo. Talk to her. You’ve been best friends forever. She wouldn’t just abandon you.” her mother pleaded. She’d been trying to get Lina to call Jo ever since she got home.

“I think I have to.” She got up and grabbed the phone. She dialled the familiar number to Jo’s cellphone and heard the signals coming through. She was nervous. This was the first time ever that they hadn’t talked to each other for this long.


“Hello” Jo answered.

“Hi, it’s me, Lina” she said nervously.

“Lina, you have no idea how glad I am to hear from you. Are you okay?”

“I’m okay. I’m so sorry I haven’t called. I was afraid you would be mad...”

“Why would I be mad at you? I thought you were mad at me.”

They both sighed and laughed when they realized that none of them were mad at the other.

“I just read the paper. How the hell has this gotten out to the press?”

“I don’t know. Everyone here is really upset about it.”

Lina stopped talking for a moment and then nervously asked the question that been burning inside of her.

“How’s Nick?”
“Lina... I don’t know. We have seen him once since the last show in Canada. On a video shoot. And he didn’t look good. He’s really hurting over this. Is there any way for you to solve this?”

“No! I don’t wanna see him. He made it perfectly clear that he didn’t wanna see me either.”

“He was upset. He didn’t know what’d happened. When he found out...”

“Stop.” Lina interrupted her. “I don’t wanna hear it. It’s over. He doesn’t trust me. And I don’t know if I could trust him either. He said some awful things to me.”

“I know. And I’m so sorry about that. I wished I could have been there for you. We’re gonna be in Sweden in a couple of days you know. I wanna see you...”

“I really wanna see you too but I’m not going to Stockholm if that’s what you’re after. I couldn’t stand seeing him. It hurts you know...” she felt the tears running down her cheeks again. It didn’t matter how much she cried. The pain never disappeared.


“Lina, honey, don’t cry.”

“I’m trying. But lately it seems I’ve been doing that a lot.”

They talked for a while and Jo told her about Leighanne and everything else that had been going on. After a while Leighanne called for Jo and she had to go.

“I'll call you when we get to Sweden, okay?”

“Yeah. Maybe we could meet and talk.”

As she hung up the phone she felt a hand on her shoulder. "I told you she wasn’t mad at you.”

“Yes, and you were right mum. I think I’m gonna go to bed for a while. I’m tired.”


She walked upstairs to her old room and crawled into bed. 'How did something so perfect go so wrong?' she thought. She cried herself to sleep, thinking about Nick and the feeling of him close to her as they just to lay in bed cuddling and talking all night.

”Hey girl! You’ve got no idea what I’m doing right now.” Jo’s voice was happy as she talked on the phone.

“Nope.” Lina wasn’t as enthusiastic.

“Eating a bar of real, Swedish chocolate and reading a Swedish newspaper. And drinking a Pucko!” The excitement in Jo’s voice made Lina laugh.

“You’re in Sweden? That’s great!”

“Yup. In Arlanda. Left the others as soon as I could and bought some stuff. Expensive, but damn worth it. It tastes like home.”

“I know. I bought a bag full of liquorice first thing I did.” Lina laughed.

“You hate liquorice.”

“Oh yes. Tastes yucky. But it’s home.”

Jo laughed. “So, would you please come with my parents to meet me? They’re leaving soon, but they’ll take you.”

“Can’t. Can’t stand thinking about him, much less seeing him.”

“You don’t have to. I’ll stay away from him. I miss you. Please.” Jo pleaded.

“Miss you too, but no. Can’t.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yes.”

“Guess there’s nothing I can say about it. I love you. Talk to you later.”

“Love you too.”

Jo flipped her phone shut, then had a thought and called Lina’s mother to talk to her. Five minutes later it was settled. Jo had pleaded Nick’s case, and Lina’s mother had melted. She was now packing her daughters bags for a night in Stockholm. When Jo’s parents came by she would put Lina in their car if it so cost her everything she owned. She couldn’t stand seeing her daughter so miserable.


In Stockholm Jo was worrying. Nick was drunk, as had he been since the moment they met for the flight to Sweden. From how he looked she guessed he’d been drunk for the two weeks before that too. He looked like a homeless person, unshaved and messy in dirty clothes. She decided she should talk to him, so she went looking for him. She found him on the couch of his hotel room, where he was singing to himself like a crazy person.

“Ey, Nick!”

He looked around with a surprised look on his face. “Yeah? Oh...” his eyes struggled to focus on Jo. “Hey.”

“Save it, would you? You gotta stop doing this. It doesn’t make her come back. YOU have to make her wanna come back. I’ll tell you a secret. She’s on her way here. She’s coming with my parents. You have to freshen up a bit if you’re even thinking about getting back with her. Shower. Now.”

She pulled him to his feet, but he didn’t head for the shower. He put his arms around her, hugged her for what felt like forever. Then he kissed her cheek, and pulled his shirt off. He shed the rest of his clothes on his way towards the bathroom, causing Jo to giggle and look away, peeking through her fingers to see what he was doing. She heard the shower being turned on, then a shout that could wake the dead.

“What are you doing?” she asked as she walked closer to the bathroom, picking up his old clothes without thinking about it.

“Cold... Water...” came two gasps out of the bathroom, and she laughed.

“You’ll need some really hot water to get rid of all your dirt...” He started singing “Dirrty” in the shower, so loud and shrill that she thought her ears were going to fall off.

“You’re lucky I didn’t pay you to sing right now. I would have thrown rotten tomatoes at you. Good thing the show isn’t ‘til tomorrow.” She shouted across the noise, and heard him laugh back at her. She picked up some stuff that he’d left behind on the floor and tables, put it back where it belonged. Then she heard the shower turning off. He was silent for awhile. Then he came out of the bathroom, towel wrapped around his waist with a razor in his hand, and shaving cream all over his face.

“I’m shaking so bad I’ll slit my throat if I try. Can you?” he asked.

“I’ve never tried before. But I’ll give it a try.” She walked past him into the bathroom, sat on the counter and gestured at him to position himself in front of her, between her legs.
He did as she’d told him, and carefully she started shaving him.

“This feels weird, you know,” he mumbled.

She had her face 5 inches from his cheek, her expression totally focused on what she was doing. When she nodded she let go of her concentration, and bumped into him getting shaving cream on her forehead. He laughed, and the weirdness was gone.


The boys were shooting some scenes for a Swedish TV-show that afternoon, then Jo was bringing Alex to meet her parents. They had talked about this a couple of nights ago, and he had said, as if it was the most natural thing ever, that if they were going to Sweden, and her parents would be there, he wanted to meet them. She’d agreed, she was somewhat shocked, but not nervous. Her parents would love Alex, she told herself. 'As long as dad doesn’t see his tattoos we’re going to be cool,' Jo thought as she walked back to her hotel room. She wasn’t sharing with Alex during the time her parents would be visiting, none of them thought it felt right. She slid in the key, then changed her mind and walked over to Brian and Leighannes suite. She wanted to spend some time with Baylee. Leigh was tired and more than happy to let go of her energetic child. Jo took him for a walk, then returned to the hotel. As she entered the lobby she saw a couple of familiar faces.

“Sarah! Diana! What on earth are you doing here?” She hugged the two girls.

“Well, we thought we’d come see you, but they wouldn’t let us up, and you didn’t answer your phone.”

“Sorry. Took Baylee out for a walk.”

“This is him?”

“Yup. Can you say hello to Sarah and Diana, Bay?”

He waved in his stroller. “Elo!”

More than that wasn’t needed for the girls to fall in love with him.

“So, you wanna come up? I’m not expecting Mum and Dad for another two hours.”

“Yeah, sure. We have some things to talk to you about.”

They laughed and followed her up to the right floor. The security guard that was posted there waved at Baylee and tickled him.

“Poppa K, this is Sarah and Diana, two of my best friends. Girls, this is Poppa K, he is Brian’s body guard.” They exchanged hellos and shook hands.

“Leigh awake?” Jo asked Poppa K.

“Yes, she is. Asked for the lil’man a couple of minutes ago.”

“Well, then, I’ll bring her back her son. You girls wanna come with me?”

“Sure.”

She knocked the door, and Leigh opened. “Oh, look who’s back. Great! Alex asked for you.”

“They’re back?”

“Yes, we are.” Brian came out into the living room. Jo felt a hand grip around her arm and squeeze.

“Great! This is Sarah and Diana, two of my friends, who came to surprise me, this, girls, is Brian and Leighanne.” More handshaking and hello-ing. Sarah looked as if she was going to faint.

”Come on now, girls. I’ll show you where I live.” They went to Jo’s suite, and she opened the door. They went inside, Jo called for some room service, and then they started talking.

Sarah and Diana were full of questions. “Is Lina really pregnant? She hasn’t talked to anyone since she got home, but it said so in Aftonbladet. Nick being the father, I thought I was going to faint. And what is this with you and AJ? You’re really dating him? He’s not your type at all, you know.”

“Calm down... I can’t answer 500 questions at once. Yes, she is pregnant. Nick is the father. Yes, I’m dating Alex, and he’s so my type...” She started laughing. “God, it feels so nice to have you guys around again. Please tell me everything about what it’s like back home...”

The afternoon went by quickly. Before they knew it, it was darker outside, and there was a knock at the door. Jo opened it, and Alex was outside.

“Hey princess... how was your day?” he asked and kissed her.

“It was great. Look, I have visitors. This is Sarah and Diana, two of my very best friends.”

“How nice of you to come visit her. I’m Alex. Pleased to meet both of you.” He shook their hands, smiling, then curled up next to Diana on the couch and started talking. Jo was pleasantly surprised by this friendliness, she wanted her boyfriend to like her friends, and vice versa. He was telling the story of how he’d fallen for her, and how Lina had “broke” his nose, and everyone had a great time. After almost another hour, Diana looked at her watch and gave a little cry. “Shit, we’re gonna miss the train home. We gotta run.”

But Alex got in front of her. “Stop. Why don’t you stay? We have a spare room, you could come see the show tomorrow? Would you like that?”

The girls had a whispering deliberation in Swedish, Jo was pushing them to accept, and they weren’t that hard to persuade into staying.

Jo and Alex were running late for the meeting with her parents, but hurried up and were finished in time. Alex looked at her soft pink silk dress, the black boots he’d given her for her birthday, and a denim jacket. “You look fabulous.”

“Thanks. So do you. Let’s go or we’re going to be late.” He truly was looking gorgeous in a pair of jeans and a white dress shirt, topped off with a black pin-striped jacket and a beanie. When they came down into the lobby, hand in hand, Jo saw her parents sitting there, waiting. She lost all control, and ran up to them, dragging Alex along.

“Mummy... Daddy! I’ve missed you guys so.” She gave them each a hug. “This is Alexander McLean. Alex, my mum, Tina, and my dad, Stephan.” He gave her mother a hug, then shook her father’s hand.

“Pleased to meet you, Mr. and Mrs. Ericks.”

“Please, it’s Tina.”

“Okay, Tina.” He smiled at her. “You two beautiful ladies hungry?”

'I swear to god he’s flirting with my mother,' Jo thought, then stuck her hand in her father’s as they started to walk towards a restaurant.


Besides a little argument over who should be paying (“I insist that I pay, Mr. Ericks.” “Oh, No, Mr. McLean. I’ve got it.”) that her father won, things had gone really smoothly, Jo admitted to herself. Her mother had dragged her along to the bathroom, and Jo was very curious about what her mother thought of Alex.

“He’s absolutely adorable. Oh, Jo, I think you’ve hit the Jackpot there. Your father likes him, even though he has those tattoos on his neck, and that’s a huge deal when it comes to him, you know that. And he’s really good looking. If he wasn’t your boyfriend, I’d say that he was a fox.”

“Muuuum! Stop it. But he is, isn’t he?” Jo laughed.

“Oh, yes. He most certainly is.”

“You’re gonna love the show tomorrow night. It’s really great.”

“I think I will too, sweets. Now come on. Let’s go get them boys. Long day ahead tomorrow.”

Lina lay on the bed in her hotel room, refusing to go outside. Her mother, and Jo, with some help from her parents, had forced her to go to Stockholm. She was furious with them all and she’d refused to go out for dinner earlier that night.

'Like this is gonna make me talk to Nick,' she thought. 'Why can’t they just accept that I don’t wanna see him?' As she lay there feeling sorry for herself, there was a knock on the door. She froze and her heart started beating like crazy. 'My god, they couldn’t have told Nick that I’m here, could they?' She slowly opened the door, but it wasn’t Nick.

“Brian, hi.” She couldn’t help but feeling a bit disappointed.

“Hi. Good to see you, can I come in? I really need to talk to you.” He walked in and sat down on the couch.

“Sure, but I don’t know what it is you could possible say to make me change my mind about Nick. I guess that’s why you’re here, isn’t it?”

“Well, yes. And I honestly think you two could work this out. He loves you so much.”

“Well he has a funny way of showing it.”

“I know that he’s hopeless when it comes to love. But he loves you. And he’s a mess right now. He’s not the only one who made a mistake. You should have told him about the baby. He would have been there for you.”

“I know... I got scared. But he said some awful things to me. Why didn’t he trust me enough to know that I would never betray him?” she felt the tears filling her eyes again.

“Nick should never have said all those things. He reacts without thinking when he believes that someone close to him has done anything wrong. But please give him a chance to explain it to you.”

She didn’t know what to do. She wanted to see him, but she was afraid that it would only make things worse. She couldn’t see how they could possibly solve this mess.

“I don’t know...”

“Don’t say anything more.” Brian interrupted and handed her a backstage pass to the concert. “Take this. And be there tomorrow if you wanna talk to him. I’ll make sure that he leaves you alone until then.”

“Don’t tell him anything. I don’t want him to get his hopes up.” She took the pass and put it in her pocket. “I’ll think about it, but I’m not making any promises.”

“That’s all I’m asking for. Take care, and hopefully I’ll see you tomorrow.” Brian got up from the couch and walked out. Lina immediately got back into bed to keep moping.


The sun woke Lina the next morning. Someone’d pulled the curtains aside, so it had free access to her face. Groaning she pulled the covers up over her head and turned away. A second later something soft hit her across the head.

“Ouch! What the f...”

“Get up you lazy girl.”

“Jo?”

“Yup. Get up! We’re gonna hang out. Mom and dad are visiting some friends, and noone is around. Boredom is killing me. Save me, and do it now! Let’s get some breakfast.”

”What time is it?”

”Nine.”

Lina looked at Jo with disgust in her eyes. Jo looked alert and fresh, as if she’d been going since early hours. 'She probably has too,' Lina thought, feeling as if she’d like to smother her friend with a pillow.

“You’re insane. And why, on earth, did you send Brian here to talk to me?”

Jo smiled a wicked smile “I’m insane...”

“Yes, you are, and I’m not hanging with you today. I don’t wanna be here.”

“Oh, no, you wanna be at home, in your pj’s sitting on that damn couch with Sound of Music playing. You’d be happy then, huh? But guess what? You’re not at home, because I’m not letting you go over this. I didn’t last time, and fuck me if I do it this time.”

“I’d rather not...” Lina started laughing.

“I hear you. So get your fabulous ass out of bed. I’m hungry!”

”I really, truly hate you.” Lina’s smile widened.

“I hate you too. Let’s go! We’re meeting Sarah and Di in ten minutes.”


”I can’t believe you actually dragged me here. I cannot believe you. You’re such a hypocrite.”

Jo didn’t answer, she just smiled and left Lina sitting in her seat at the venue, next to Sarah and Diana. Jo’s parents were sitting on the row behind them. She could hear Lina’s muttering as she walked down the stairs and got help from one of the security guards to jump the fence. She hurried backstage to talk to Nick and give Alex a good-luck kiss. The venue was filling up. But there were still some time before the show was to start. Jo saw Nick behind one of the speakers and walked over to him. His eyes were full of questions.

“She’s here.”

”Where?”

Jo pointed to where they were sitting. They had really good seats close to the stage. “She’s wearing a green sweater.”

Nick nodded and walked over to the rest of the boys. Jo followed him and gave Alex a kiss before she returned to the others.


As the boys entered the stage, Jo looked at Lina who had a big smile on her face.

“So, not so mad at me after all?”

“I’m gonna kill you for making me sit through that opening act. Now shut up and let me listen.” She focused her attention on the stage and saw Nick. “God, he looks good.” She muttered thinking no one would hear her. By the look on Jo’s face she could tell she was wrong. After a few songs came the part where Nick usually went off the stage and into the audience. He had his eyes set on Lina. With some help from the guards he made his way to her. She didn’t realise what was going on until he stood there, right infront of her. A herd of crazy teeny boppers were swarming around him.

“Please take this.” He handed her a piece of paper and made his way back to the stage. She unfolded the paper and read what he’d scribbled on it.


Baby
I’m sorry.
Please meet me backstage after the show.
(heard something about a backstage pass… =))
Love you!


She barely finished reading it before she felt Jo hitting her in the side with her elbow.

“Give me that.” Jo read the note and passed it on to Sarah. “I told you he loves you.”

“Nice to know I have some privacy...”

“Privacy is so overrated,” Jo said with a malicious grin.


All she could think about the rest of the show was Nick. She barely noticed what songs they were playing.

“So, what are you gonna do?” Jo asked Lina as the lights went on.

“I have absolutely no idea.”

”So, how did you like the show?” Jo asked her parents.

“I loved it! They are so good at what they do.” Jo’s mother was beaming.

“How about you, daddy?”

“Yeah, I liked it. I think you’ve got yourself a good man there, Joanna. He’s nice, and hard working.”

“You really think so?”

“Have I ever said something I didn’t mean to you?”

“I guess not. I’m so glad you like him! It means the world to me.” She gave both of her parents a hug.

“Mr and Mrs. Ericks! Joanna!” A voice called behind them. They turned around.

“Andy?” Jo gasped. “What are you doing here?”

“Oh, I’ve watched the concert. Loved it, by the way. How are you guys?” he turned to her parents.

“Oh, Andy, long time, no see. We really enjoyed the concert.” Jo’s mother gave him a hug.

“To think I’d bump into you here.”

“Well, we had to visit our only daughter when we got the chance. Not that often she’s around.” Jo’s dad looked at his watch. “Tina, we’ve got to go if we are going to get home before dawn.”

“You’re right, dear. Oh, Jo, I’ll miss you. Call.” She gave her daughter a hug.

“I’ll call. I promise. It’ll be easier now, not having to deal with the time difference and all that. I love you.”

“We love you too, dear.” Jo’s father hugged her and whispered so that noone else could hear: “Don’t be surprised if someone surprises you soon.” He let go of her and giggled.

“What? Dad, you’re not making any sense.”

“And I don’t intend to.” Still smiling he took her mother’s hand and they walked away. Jo looked after them as they left, puzzled.


“What did he tell you?”

“You’re still here?” She looked at Andy.

“Will always be, pumpkin.”

“What do you want from me?”

“Just to talk to you. I’ve accepted that we’re not together anymore.”

“Good for you.”

“Please. Just come with me, talk to me about what happened. I need closure.”

“Damn, Andy, you really do watch too much Oprah.” She couldn’t help but laugh. She’d always been amused by his fascination of Oprah and her talk show. It was he who’d called for her to come watch when Alex was on, talking about his addictions.

“Can’t help it. Women’s destinies fascinate me.” He laughed with her. “Seriously, Joanna. Please.”

“I don’t have that much time. We’re leaving for Norway in an hour and a half. I have to be here by then.”

“Well, I live in a friend’s apartment over there.” He pointed at an apartment building 500 metres away. “You remember Shaun, the aussie, right?”

“Oh, yeah. How’s he?”

“In Australia, at the moment. I’ve been kinda promoted, have to be here Monday through Wednesday, and he offered me to live in his apartment, so I don’t have to go back and forth every day.” They started walking.

“Nice of him. And congratulations on the promotion. You deserve it.”

“Thank you. So, how’s life? You like the travelling?”

“I do, actually. It’s great. I really love this job. Seriously, it’s all I ever dreamed of.”

They walked up the stairs, until he stopped by a door and unlocked it. “This is it. Not big, but it’s ok. Take a look around if you want to.”

She did so, thinking that he was right. It surely wasn’t big, a single room holding a bed, a couch and a TV, and the tiniest kitchen she’d ever seen. The walls were full of Bob Marley posters, and the windows had no curtains.

“Nice,” she said as she sat down on the couch.

He sat down next to her. “Yeah.” They fell silent, a comfortable silence that soothed her. He cleared his throat. “What happened, Joanna?”

“I don’t know. I felt trapped back home. The same faces, the same talk, the same shitty job.”

“The same shitty boyfriend.”

“Don’t say that. It’s not true. I loved you, and it broke my heart to leave you, but I had to.”

“Why? We could have made this work. You could at least have given it a shot before you decided it didn’t work.”

“We tried to make it work back home. We couldn’t. We fought all the time. Adding I don’t know how many miles to that and trying more? You know as well as I do it would have killed us. I did the right thing, even if I doubted that for quite some time.”

“Then you met Alex.”

“Then I met Alex.” She nodded. “I had to move on. Couldn’t cry for you anymore.”

“Why? Why him?”

“No, Andy. I’m not gonna sit here explaining why I chose him. Not to you.”

“Why the hell not? I deserve to know.”

“I just won’t.”


His hand flew out, hit her hard across the face.

“Ouch! What the fuck Andy?”

“You’re not leaving me this time.”

“What?” Her heart was racing, she was starting to get scared. He had never acted like this before, never during the seven years they’d shared had he hit her.

"Come here baby.” He pulled her close, ignored her struggle to break loose.

“Stop it Andy! What are you doing?”

“I’m kissing you.” He did, forced his tongue into her mouth, pinned her down on the couch with his body and tried to take her clothes off. She heard fabric breaking, her t-shirt was in rags, and his hands were squeezing her breasts hard through the bra. She tried to make him stop, but he wouldn’t listen to her pleas. His hands followed her contours down to her jeans, he shifted position to be able to unbutton them, still holding her down. She fisted her hands, hit him wherever she could, but it was useless. His eyes had a glaze she’d never seen before, he ripped her jeans off, then went back to her breasts, tugged on her bra so hard she could feel it cutting into her back before it finally broke somewhere in the back. She was terrified, tears were rolling down her face as she begged him to stop, told him he was hurting her, but he acted as if he didn’t hear her. He bit her neck, hard, and she screamed her pain out to whoever could hear her. As he was progressing down to her panties he let her go, and she took the chance, kicked him hard wherever she could reach, then ran for it.


Unfortunately she hit his arm, and he was right behind her, pulled her down on the rug.

“Don’t you try and leave me again. I won’t let you. We belong together.”

“Oh, shut up, you idiot. You think this is going to get me to love you again? Let me tell you that you’re dead wrong.”

“Dead. I like that word. That’s what you’ll be if you continue to deny me what’s mine.”

“I’m not yours. I’m my own person, and I have given all that I am to Alex.”

“Don’t you dare mention his name again. He doesn’t love you like I do. He couldn’t. It’s impossible.” He lay his hand across her mouth and nose, suffocating her. His other hand ripped her panties in two. He forced her legs apart and entered her. He let her breathe when he saw the panic in her eyes, and she took a deep breath, then screamed out for help from the man she loved.

“ALEX!”

Andy was furious. His fist hit her temple before she knew what’d happened, and saw her eyes roll back into her head, then lay his hand steady over her face as he finished what he was doing with a deep sigh.

“Joanna! I love you, Joanna.”

Lina said goodbye to Sarah and Diana. Jo had already left to say goodbye to her parents.

“Go now. Meet him. Take him back.”

“But don’t make it easy... Gotta let the man beg a bit.” Sarah smiled.

“Yes, I’m going. See you girls as soon as I can. Love you!”

“Aww, sweets. GO! NOW! We’ll talk on the phone. You have to tell us all about this.” Sarah waved as they walked out of the venue.

Lina took a deep breath, then made her way down the stairs to the fence. Poppa K was still standing there, and he grabbed her by the waist and lifted her over the fence.

“Good to see you back with us. It’s not the same without your stupid comments,” he joked, giving her a hug.

“Oh, and I’ve missed to have you around to comment on.” She smiled, and looked over behind the stage. There he was, waiting for her. She made herself walk as if she didn’t care. When she was by his side he smiled, but she was shaking so bad she couldn’t smile back at him. Then he took her hand and dragged her with him into a private room behind the stage.

'I have to say something. I have to break the ice. Ice breaker. Ice breaker,' she thought to herself, then decided to just open her mouth and let whatever came first do the job.

“Really cool to be backstage here in the Globe, considering how many times I’ve sat in the audience wondering about what it’s like back here.”

“Yeah. Dead cool. Stop rambling, I’m as nervous as you.”

“Sorry.”

There was a long silence.

“So, did you ever wonder what it’s like to be in the audience at a Backstreet Boys show?”

He just looked at her.

“Oh, you told me to stop rambling. Sorry.”

He burst out laughing. “You’re just so weird. I’ve missed that. I’ve missed you.” He was serious again.

“I’ve missed you too, even though you’re a jerk.”

“If I’m a jerk, then you’re a...”

“I know what I am to you, you made that clear in Montreal.”

“Ok, let’s stop this. Why don’t we start over? Hi, I’m Nick.” He put his hand out to shake hers, but she just stared at him.

“It’s a little bit late for introductions. You made me pregnant already, remember?”

“Oh, yeah, it’s all coming back to me now...” He looked at her for a second, then grabbed her face and kissed her.

“You just met me and already you’re kissing me?” she asked when he let her go.

“No, I didn’t just meet you, I made you pregnant, remember?”

“Oh, yeah, it’s all coming back to me now.” She broke down laughing. “I love you. Why make this any more complicated than that?”

“You can forgive me?”

“If I couldn’t, I wouldn’t have let you kiss me. I may be pregnant, but my fists are still working.”

He laughed, then kissed her again. “We good then?”

“Yes, we are. And by the way, I’m coming with you.”

“You are?”

“Yup. Someone’s gotta look after your silly ass.” She smiled.

“You’re right. I need to be looked after. Make me some food, woman.” There was a knock on the door, and Nick shouted: “It’s open!”

Brian and Leighanne came in. “You ok in here?”

“Don’t worry, Bri. We’re fine. She’s coming with us. I’ve got some good news, by the way.”

“Yeah?”

“I’m gonna be a daddy.” He smiled.

“God help us all.” Brian laughed. “Congratulations.” He gave his friend a hug, then hugged Lina, as did Leighanne.

“Felt like I should tell you myself. To show how happy I am… I know you all knew, but...”

“We understand.” Brian nodded. “Maybe you should “break the news” to the rest of the boys too?”

Nick looked at Lina, who nodded. “Let’s do it!”


They entered the lounge that was connected to their dressing room, where the boys were hanging out.

“Guys?” Nick said, catching their attention from the video game they were playing.

“Yeah?” Kevin asked.

“Behold my girlfriend’s belly. In there grows baby Lick. You get it? Lina – Nick! God, I’m funny.” He broke down into hysterical laughter on the nearest shoulder, that happened to belong to Kevin, who was on his way to give him a hug. He looked as usual after Nick’s jokes, somewhat tired but understanding, patting his younger friend on the shoulder.

“Were all so happy for you guys. And if you ever need help with this big kid just let me know and I’ll be there.” He joked and gave Lina a big smile and then hugged her.

“Thanks I think I might take you up on that,” she smiled and felt as if she never been happier.

She’d missed them all. And she knew that she and Nick were right for each other. The time they spent apart had made her realise that she had to take a chance once in a while to win. And here she was, taking a chance. Deciding to go with Nick for the tour hadn’t been an easy decision but she felt at ease with it.


“Hey, seriously. Look at that belly. Isn’t it just beautiful?” Nick wrapped his arms around her and put his hands over her belly as to protect the baby inside.

“It’s not even showing yet Nick.” She giggled and leaned her head to kiss him.

“Wait a few more months and you won’t be able to see your feet. It’s horrible” Leighanne sighed, but she smiled and looked at her own stomach. “We could sit together at home being big as a house while these two lovely men fulfill our every wish.”

“Right now I just wanna take my lovely girlfriend to my bus. You two can conspire against us some other day. Tonight she’s mine,” Nick laughed.

He and Lina said goodbye to the others and walked off to the bus. They couldn’t keep there hands off one another and as they came inside the bus they made love. They took there time to explore each other again and Lina thought her heart would burst with happiness. She felt completely safe and loved.


As they lay in each others arms Nick was talking to her belly. “Hey baby. I’m your daddy!”

“I don’t think the baby can hear you yet.” Lina giggled. But she was amused by him. She was so happy that he was reacting so good at becoming a father.

“Of course he or she could hear me. Don’t listen to mummy, she doesn’t know what she’s talking about.”

They lay like that for a while, talking about the baby and their future together until they both fell asleep.

Jo woke up in immense pain. She didn’t know where she was, or why she was hurting so bad, but then she looked to the side and saw Andy, fast asleep on the rug next to her. The knowledge of what’d happened hit her like a sledgehammer. 'My god...' she thought. 'I gotta get out of here.' She got to her feet, shaking like a leaf in the wind, tears falling, but managed to find her jeans, the only thing that hadn’t been torn to pieces by Andy. She put them on, wincing with pain when the fabric touched her sore body. She found her thin jacket by the door and put it on to cover up her naked upper body, then left, running for her life, sure that he was behind her, chasing her. Her phone rang, but she didn’t dare to answer it, didn’t want anyone to hear she was crying.

She saw the buses, but stopped after making sure no one was following her. She’d got a voicemail, Alex wondering where she was, they had to leave, please call him back ASAP. She ignored his call, and instead called the only person in the world she wanted to talk to.

“Hello?” sleepy voice, curtains moving... “We’re still in Stockholm? Why haven’t we left yet?”

“I guess you’re waiting for me. You have to come here, Lina.”

“Jo, you’re crying? What’s happened? Where are you?”

“I can see the buses from here. Please come. I’m in the bushes by the next parking lot.”

“I’m there.” Lina flipped her phone shut.

“What’s up baby?” Nick asked.

“Jo... something’s happened. I gotta go get her.” Lina was throwing some clothes on, and Nick got up and did the same. They were out of the bus in less than a minute, Lina running for the bushes, and Nick close behind her. When they reached the bushes, they heard the deep sobs from somewhere in between them.


As light fell on Jo’s bruised face, Lina gasped in horror. “Baby! What’s happened to you?”

“Andy. He... he... raped me.” Jo could barely speak in between the sobs.

“What? When did you meet him? Where is he? I’ll kill him.”

“He’s in his apartment over there, sleeping like a baby on the floor.” Jo pointed. “He met me outside. He’d seen the show.”

“We gotta get you to the hospital, we’ve got to call the police.” Nick got out his phone and threw it to Lina. “You do it, you speak Swedish.”

“Alex.” Jo whispered.

“You want Alex here?”

Jo nodded. “I need him.”

Lina was already on the phone, talking fast in Swedish. Nick reached in her pocket, got her phone out and called Alex. “You gotta come here, man. Seriously, I’m not kidding.” He paused. “Yeah, by the next parking lot, there’s some bushes there. Get there. NOW!” he flipped the phone shut, and sat down next to Jo on the ground, taking her in his arms. “It’s gonna be ok, Jo. I promise. We’re gonna get that bastard.”

They heard the sound of running feet, Alex was coming with his body guard behind him. Lina was off the phone, so she stopped him.

“She’s been raped. Andy raped her. We’ve got police and an ambulance coming, hopefully they’ll be able to get him.” She started crying. In a few steps he was next to Jo.

“What? Oh my god. Sweet Lord, I can’t believe this. Jo, baby. I’m here now.” He hoisted her up from Nick’s arms, into his own, and held her. Nick took Lina in his arms, trying to comfort her in any way possible. They heard the sound of sirens, saw the flashing blue lights, and Big Joe waved them in. A team of paramedics came with a stretcher, followed by four policemen.

“What’s happened here?”

“She’s been raped.” Lina answered, laying her hand on Jo’s arm. “You ok with talking to them?”

Jo nodded. “I met my ex boyfriend. I left him this spring, when I got a job in the US. He followed me there, tried to get me back, but I’d met someone else. As he left he threatened me. Now I met him again, he told me he wanted closure, so I agreed to talk to him. I came with him to his apartment. I could never believe that he would do such a thing. I mean, we were together for seven years, and he never showed any tendencies for violence at all. I wanted to be friends with him. So I came with him. We talked, I said something he didn’t like, so he hit me. Then he started kissing me. I told him no, but he didn’t listen.”

Her eyes sought Lina’s for support, and she saw Alex standing a bit further away, probably outside earshot. His face was cramped up, he was crying, and Big Joe was holding him like a baby. Lina took her hand, Nick the other one.

“He ripped my clothes off, I told him I didn’t love him anymore, and he tried to suffocate me. Then he had sex with me. When he let go of my face, I cried for Alex, and he hit me. I don’t remember anything else until I woke up. He was sleeping on the floor. After what he’d done to me, he could sleep. I hate him. God, I really hate him.”

“This is really good. You giving us all of this information. Do you remember what house it was? And we need his name?”

“It was 42 a, over there.” She pointed again. “His name is Andreas Nilsson, No one ever calls him anything but Andy. The name on the door is Shaun Benson. Third floor. You want his social security number? Shoe size? Favourite food? I know them all. He has a weird fascination with the Oprah Winfrey show. Please get him, put him away. He’s fucking insane. And yes, there’s sperm on me. I probably have some of his disgusting skin under my finger nails, 'cause I scratched, kicked and beat him anywhere I could reach. Please take me to the hospital now.” She collapsed, as if the many words about him had taken her last bit of strength. Nick lifted her up and put her down on the stretcher. Alex came over to her, his face pale and his eyeliner smeared. She traced a tear down his cheek with her finger.

“You have to go to Norway, baby,” she whispered.

“Wouldn’t dream of it. I’m going with you.”

“To the hospital?”

“Yes, to the hospital.” His voice broke.

“I’m so sorry baby...” her voice was barely hearable.

“Don’t you dare apologize for what he did to you. He’s a sick person. You have absolutely no guilt in this.”

“I went with him, didn’t I?”

“You trusted him. And why shouldn’t you?”


“We have to take her to the hospital now. You coming in the ambulance?” The nurse looked at Alex.

“Yes, I am.”

“So am I.” Lina was standing next to him, her hand seeking his. “Jo, I called your parents, and your father almost made a u-turn on the freeway. They’re coming back. Nick is going to go tell the others, and then they’re leaving, if that’s ok with Alex. Your bus will be waiting,” she turned to him.

“It’s ok. Let’s go.”

The paramedics set the stretcher into the ambulance, Lina and Alex got in after it, and they were off.


“Oh baby. My little baby.” Jo’s mother was in tears when she saw her daughter in the hospital bed. Stephan was pale and looked worried and angry.

“Andy? The Andy we loved as our own son. I could just kill him.”

“Mum, daddy. I’m so glad you are here.” Jo’s tears started falling again. She’d been through all sorts of tests, taken pills to prevent pregnancy, and she was beat. Alex was sitting next to her, holding her hand, as he’d been through the entire time since she’d got to the hospital, but he got up to greet her parents. Both of them hugged him, thanking him for being there.

“Where else should I be? I love her. Nothing in the world means more to me than she does.”

“How about Norway?”

“Fuck Norway. I won’t do the show. I’ll get out of the band if necessary, but I’m not leaving her side. Not now.”

“What?” Jo’s voice was sharp. “Oh, yes, you’re going, if I so have to get up and kick you out of here and onto the tour bus. I’m glad you love me and all that, but you’re not staying here. I’ll not have you disappoint those fans of yours.”

“But...”

“NO!”

“Are you sure?”

“Of course I’m sure. I’ve got Lina, and now mum and dad. I’m fine. And as soon as they let me out of here I’m on the next plane to wherever you are.” Jo tried to smile at him, but her head was pounding so hard she didn’t manage. She had a concussion, from Andy’s hit to her temple, and she was bruised all over her body, but apart from that she was fine. Physically. She knew already that this night would haunt her forever. Lina’s phone rang, and she got out of the room to answer it.


After ten minutes she returned. “They’ve got him.” She said, a smile spreading across her face. “I hope they put him in the same cell as some hairy biker dude that molests him.”

“Hey, guys! Come on out here.” Nick banged on Brians bus as he talked to Howie on the phone. Kevin heard the noise outside and they all came out of their buses. They were already sleeping so they looked confused as they stood outside waiting to get to know what was going on.

“What? Don’t tell me you and Lina are...” Kevin sighed but got interrupted by Nick.

“No, but I have some really bad news. Alex is at the hospital with Jo right now, she’s been raped, by Andy.”

“What?!” Howie said in chock. They all started mumbling.

“I don’t know when he's coming back.”

Leighanne and Kristin came out to find out what was going on. Nick told them about Jo and they both got really upset.

“I can’t believe he’d do that to her. What kind of sick man is he?” Leigh said in disgust.

Brian put his arms around her to comfort her, as did Kevin with Kristin who was in tears.

“I hate to bring this up but...” Kevin said quietly. “But what about the show in Norway? Is Alex gonna be there?”

“I don’t know, but I can’t imagine Jo wanting him to cancel. But he knows about us leaving tonight and that’s okay with him.” They all just stood there for a while, trying to understand how something that horrible could have happened. They decided to leave for Norway, not waiting for Alex. None of them knew if he was even gonna be there in time for the show. But they decided to deal with that in Norway. Alex needed to be with Jo right now and they didn’t wanna invade on them with questions about work.


Nick said he’d call Lina to find out what was happening and get back to the rest of them when he knew what Alex was going to do. He knew he would have to leave without Lina and he was a bit nervous. He was afraid that all of this would make her change her mind about the tour.

'I can’t believe I’m thinking about that now, I’m so selfish. Jo’s been raped and all I can think about is Lina,' he thought as he walked onto his own bus. But he couldn’t help it. He’d just gotten her back and he was scared to death about the thought of losing her once again.

He flipped his cellphone open to call her and let her know they were leaving. There were a few signals before she answered it with a sad voice.

“Hello.”

“Hi, baby, it’s me. How are you?”

“I...” her voice faded away and he only heard her sobbing.

“Lina honey, please stop crying. God I wish I was there with you.” He felt frustrated and wanted to say to hell to the Norway concert.

“I’m trying,” she whispered. “It’s killing me to see her like this. But I’m gonna be strong for her, she needs me.”

“Baby, I’m calling to let you know that were leaving for Norway. Is Alex coming with us?”

“Yes he is. He’s on his way to his bus right now. Jo wouldn’t let him stay. But I’m staying here with her.”

“I understand that and I wish I could stay here with you, but you’re both coming with us later huh?” he asked nervously.

“Of course we're coming, I’m not letting go of you again.”

“I was so afraid that this would make you change your mind or something.”

“Absolutely not! I love you Nick and I wanna be with you.”

“I love you too. You’re my life you know... you and the baby.”

Despite the horrible feeling inside her for what happened to Jo, she felt her heart beat with happiness. “Just go, and I’ll come to you as soon as Jo is okay. I promise.”

They finished the conversation and Lina went back to Jo’s hospital room. She took a deep breath before she entered. For the first time in their relationship she had to be the strong one. She had to help her friend through this.


Jo’s parents had gone to the police station to find out what was going to happen next. They had caught Andy in the apartment and he’d been taken to the station. Just before she entered the room her phone called again. It was Jo’s parents, letting her know that Jo would have to come to the station the next day to testify. They asked her to talk to Jo about it. She hung up the phone and went in the room. Jo lay on the bed staring out the window.

“Jo, how are you doing?” she sat down on the side of the bed and took Jo’s hand in hers.

“I don’t know... it feels so surreal.”

"I’m here for you whenever you wanna talk you know that right?"

“Thanks. I feel so dirty. How am I ever gonna be able to feel safe again?” Jo’s eyes filled with tears. “Alex must be feeling disgusted by me...”

“Stop that, right now! Alex loves you.” Lina said in a sharp tone. “Don’t you dare blame this on yourself.”

“I know that, but I can’t help to feel otherwise.” Jo started crying and Lina crawled down into her bed to hold her.

“It’s gonna be okay, Jo. I promise. We could watch Sound of Music that always cheers me up.”

Jo couldn’t help to start laughing through her tears.
“I should have seen that one coming. But no thanks I don’t think that would do it for me.”

They joked around for a while over Lina’s obsession with Sound of Music. It helped to keep their minds off the horrible things that happened earlier that evening. Lina didn’t know how to tell Jo about the call from her parents, but she decided it was best to just say it as it was.


“I’ve talked to your parents right before I came here. You need to go to the station tomorrow and testify.” Lina saw how Jo’s body froze and she got a scared look on her face. She didn’t wanna be the one to give her the news about that but she had to.

“I don’t know if I can do that. I don’t think I could stand to see him ever again.”

“I know it will be hard on you, but please you have to do it. He deserves to go to jail for this.” Lina felt the anger bubbling inside of her. She still couldn’t believe that Andy could do something like this.

“Okay I’ll try.” Jo said with a worried look on her face. “You’ll come with me right?”

“Of course I will. I’m not leaving your side.”

“I feel horrible. You should be with Nick. Did you guys solve everything?”

“Yes we did.” Lina couldn’t help to smile when she thought of Nick talking to the baby. “And I’m coming with you for the rest of the tour.”

“I’m so happy for you. I’m sorry about keeping you away from him...”

“Hey, don’t say another word. You’re my best friend. I’m not leaving you. I have all the time in the world to be with Nick. Try to get some sleep now. It’s gonna be a tough day tomorrow.”


Lina sat next to Jo until she fell asleep and then got out to get some coffee. Jo’s parents had retuned from the police station and they came with her for coffee. None of them were leaving the hospital. They got some big chairs and blankets into Jo’s room and they curled up in them to try to get some sleep. They all knew they had to stay strong for Jo and help her through the next day. None of them were willing to let Andy get away, so they had to support Jo, so she could testify and put the bastard in jail where he belonged.

”This way, Miss Ericks.” The police officer showed her the way into a private room. Lina, Tina and Stephan followed behind them. The officer looked at them. “Would you mind waiting outside for a moment? We need to talk to Joanna alone.”

Stephan looked angry and started saying something, but Tina interrupted him. “Sure. Call us if you need us.”

They went back to the couch where they’d all been waiting.


“Sit down, please, Joanna.” The officer pulled out a chair for her, and she sat down. “We will be joined by... Oh, here she comes.” A blonde woman dressed in police uniform came into the room and shook Jo’s hand.

“I’m Louisa Richards.” She sat down next to the other police, Jo had already forgotten his name.

“We really don’t need that much information from you. Your testimony from yesterday is very detailed, and that’s good. We would need to hear your story again, there can be something that you’d forgot yesterday, or something like that. We will be filming your testimony, so that we can go back and rewatch it. You ok with that?”

Jo nodded and told her story again.

“Very well, Joanna. We’ve interrogated Andreas Nilsson, and we have his testimony on tape. He has admitted to having sexual relations with you yesterday, but he claims it was consensual sex, and that he didn’t rape you. We are going to show you the tape, as well as some pictures that were taken in the apartment. If you feel that this is too much for you to handle, just say so.”

“I want to see it.”


Officer Richards put a tape in a VCR, and pressed play. Andy’s face appeared on the screen, and Jo had to fight the instinct to kick the TV to pieces. His voice sounded through the room, telling a revised story of her night of horror.

“I met her outside the Globe. We talked about old memories, I invited her over and she came along. We were talking, laughing. We sat on the couch, she hugged me, we kissed. Then she started talking about how her boyfriend must never find out, but she kept on kissing me. We had sex, on the floor. It was intense and rough, yes, but she was in on it the whole time. In fact, she took the initiative. When I woke up, she was gone. Next thing I know I’ve got a heard of cops in my apartment, and I’m under arrest for alleged rape.”

Another voice came from the TV, but Andy was still being filmed. “Well, the victim tells another story. We’ve got some pictures of her here, pictures of her bruised and bleeding. Would you mind taking a look at them and describe how you think she got these injuries? Her parents left you with her, and then she was fine. No injuries.” A hand came into picture, showing photos of Jo’s body to the camera, then to Andy.

“I don’t know how she’s got these. But I hear her boyfriend is a drug addict and an alcoholic. Who knows what he could have done if he found out what she’d been up to? My god. I can’t watch this. I love her, and he’s hurting her. I’m not your man. He is.”

“He? Her boyfriend?”

“Yes. AJ McLean is his name. She calls him Alex.”

“Weird that Mr. McLean has alibi for the entire night, then. He was in and by his tour bus with his body guard, Joe Herman, and the driver of this bus, Logan John. He was also seen by his band mates, Brian Littrell and Howard Dorough, and upon that some ten-twelve girls, who have got pictures to prove it.”

“You’re lying. She loves me. She loves me. I love her. I told her that I love her. I hit her. Oh my god. But I didn’t rape her.”

Officer Richards turned the tape off, and her colleague asked Jo: “What do you have to say about what you just saw?”

“He’s sick. I don’t love him. I pity him. He’s lost touch with reality. Why would I press charges against him if he hadn’t raped me?”

“We find the evidence good enough to take this to court and get him convicted. You want that?”

“More than anything else in the world.”

“Good. We’ll send a letter to your address here in Sweden, where we tell you when and where the trial will be held. You will have to attend.”

“Of course. I’ll fix that.”

“Good. Well then, we’re done here. Thank you for your cooperation.”

“Thank you.” Jo shook their hands, and they showed the way back to her family.


Six hours later Jo and Lina were on a night train to Norway. They were alone in their compartment, where they’d snuggled up in their bunks.

“From tour bus to tour train.” Lina joked. “Feels like home.”

Jo laughed, but was soon serious again. “Lina?”

“Yeah?”

“How am I going to make this work?”

“This what?”

“Alex. I feel disgusting. I don’t want him to touch me.”

“Why?”

“I feel like I have AIDS. Only I have ANDY. It kills people, and this is killing me. He succeeded. He tore us apart. I don’t want Alex to get infected.”

“You are... I understand that this is killing you, I really do. But you are being stupid. Really stupid. You have to share this with him. He loves you.”

“How could I? He doesn’t want to listen. He turned away when I told the cops what’d happened to me. He walked away.” Jo started crying again.

“He did, but you know why? He loves you so much that it’s killing him to see you in pain. He wants you to be happy. Turn the situation around. What if it was me? And if I turned away from Nick? What would you tell me then?”

“To stop being silly and accept the love that he’s giving you.” Jo mumbled.

“See? That’s what you gotta do.” Lina’s phone rang, and she answered it.

“Hey, Alex. Yeah, she’s here. Hang on.” She covered the microphone with her hand. “It’s Alex. He wants to talk to you, and he wants to know why you even bother to have a phone if you don’t use it.”

Jo didn’t answer. She just turned around to face the wall.

“You don’t wanna talk to him?”

Still no answer.

“Hey, Alex. She’s sleeping like a baby, don’t wanna wake her. She’ll call you when she wakes up. Yeah. Bye!” She put the phone back in her bag. “Now what the fuck was that about?”

But Jo didn’t answer. She lay in her bunk pretending to be asleep for the rest of the ride, tears falling all along.

Lina and Jo arrived in Oslo, Norway the following morning. Jo hadn’t said more then a couple of words to Lina since the situation with Alex, and Lina were worried about her. She didn’t want this to destroy Jo’s happiness with Alex. But she was afraid that was exactly what was going to happen if Jo didn’t realise that the rape wasn’t her fault.


She forgot about the whole situation as she saw Nick waiting for her outside the train station. The rest of the guys were there too with Leigh, Baylee and Kristin but she didn’t notice them as she ran into Nicks open arms. She still couldn’t believe that they actually solved everything and they were together.

“Baby!” he smiled and gave her a big kiss. She melted in his arms and didn’t wanna let go. But after a moment they heard a hawk from behind them and they let go of eachother.

“This is a public place you know.” Brian joked.

“I know, but what am I suppose to do? I have a hot girlfriend!” Nick said and tried to look serious.

Lina just laughed and looked for Jo. She and Alex were standing by themselves talking. Jo looked as tired and upset as yesterday, but she didn’t wanna go over there. She figured they could need some time alone to talk.

“So, is everyone ready to go then?” Kevin asked.

Everyone got there things and got in to the cars that were waiting for them. They were going straight to the airport to fly to Germany, Berlin.

“I’ve missed you.” Nick whispered and kissed her softly as they sat on the plane to Berlin.

“I’ve missed you too.”

“How are you feeling? With Jo and the pregnancy and everything?”

“I’m okay, and the baby’s just fine,” she smiled as Nick bent down and kissed her belly. “But I’m worried about Jo. She’s blaming herself and I’m afraid that she’s gonna push Alex away. She needs him, but she doesn’t see that.”

“I could just kill that creep for what’s he’s done. But I’m not worried, Alex won’t give up on her. He loves her too much for that.”

“I guess...” she said, but wasn’t too sure about it. Jo had a habit of pushing people away when she was upset. She was a happy person by nature and when something bad happened she didn’t really know how to deal with it. 'I hope she doesn’t push him away,' she thought to herself as she fell asleep. Nick sat there for a long while just looking at her and smiling. He couldn’t believe that anyone could be as happy as he was. And as he sat there watching her he made a promise to himself to never do anything to hurt her ever again. Eventually he too fell asleep and they didn’t wake up until it was time to land.


Later at the hotel Lina watched TV, as Nick was getting ready to go to the venue for a sound check before the show later that evening.

“I’m hungry.” She whined. “I want burgers, lots of them!”

Nick stuck out his face from the bathroom and looked at her with a surprised look on his face. “I thought you didn’t like burgers?”

“Well, usually I don’t, but this baby is obviously taking after his daddy when it comes to food. Get me burgers...”

“Okay, I’ll call room service and have them send some up.” He laughed as he went to make the call. As he hung up there was a knock on the door and before they had a chance to open it Alex stormed in.


“I don’t understand women, I really don’t understand women.” He sat down next to Lina and looked at her. “Why don’t you ever react like normal people? I mean, I know she’s hurting right now, but still...”

“Calm down, would you?” she tried to calm him. “What’s wrong? I’m guessing Jo is involved. Right?”

“Yes! I tried to cheer her up by ordering room service and creating a romantic evening for us, so she could think of something else for a moment. But did she like it? No! All she did was scream at me and accusing me of only thinking about sex... where the hell did she get that from? Of course I understand that she needs time. I would never pressure her.”

“I know you wouldn’t do that, but she is really sensitive right now. She’s been trough hell.” Lina tried to explain.

“I know that, everytime I think about it I wanna kill someone. All I wanna do is make her feel better. But she won’t let me.”

“Why don’t you go back and try talk to her again? Maybe she’s calmed down a bit.”

“I guess I need to do that. I just don’t know how to handle this. I’m trying so hard but she keeps trying to push me away.”

“Give her time. She’s not good at handling her own problems. And this is a huge problem. When she’s upset she pushes people away. Just don’t give up on her. She’ll open up to you when she’s ready.”

Alex walked off and Lina felt sad for them. All she wanted for her friend was to be happy. She hoped that Jo would open up to Alex and let him help her.


Nick noticed the sad expression on her face and sat down next to her and hugged her.

“Don’t worry, okay? Alex won’t give up on her.”

“I hope so.”


A waiter from room service came up with the burgers and Lina forgot her worries for awhile. Nick joined her and had a burger too before he had to go. He still couldn’t understand her sudden crave for burgers, but he figured their baby had to be perfect. How could it not be? It had a great taste in food. They talked and laughed for a while until Brian came by and told him it was time to leave.


The concert was great as usual. But Lina didn’t get a chance to talk to Jo. She didn’t wanna go, so she’d stayed home. And when they came back to the hotel she was exhausted.

“This baby is making me tired already and it’s not even born yet.”

“I know the feeling, all I wanna do right now is sleep.” Leighanne laughed. “But don’t worry, it’s worst the first months.”

Kristin looked at them and quietly said, “I wouldn’t mind being tired if it meant having a baby of my own.”

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you.” Lina said and hugged her.

“It’s okay, enjoy it. That’s your baby growing in there. When and if I ever get pregnant I’ll enjoy every moment and I’m gonna bore you with baby talk.”


They said goodnight and all went to there own room.

“I’ll call Jo tomorrow,” Lina thought and went to bed. Nick wasn’t coming home until later. He and the boys had gone out to celebrate the show.

Jo sat in the hotel suite she shared with Alex, she was furious with him. How could he just expect her to have sex with him after what had just happened to her? And she didn’t care much for his romance-rambling either. It was obvious that romance wasn’t what he had in mind. She rummaged through her bag, found her i-pod, turning on whatever music she could find that wasn’t BSB, and turned the volume up so loud that she could feel her eardrums begging for mercy. Singing on one of her favourite songs by Looptroop, a Swedish hiphop-group, she went into the bathroom, stood in front of the sink watching herself in the mirror. Her eyes were puffy and red from all the crying, plus she had a black eye and her temple was swollen. She removed her shirt. She had no bra on underneath it, she couldn’t wear one because Andy’s desperate tearing on the one she wore when she met him had made it cut into her skin, causing open wounds all around her back. Her breasts were covered in bite marks, as was her entire upper body. Trembling she removed her pants, saw the bruises on the inside of her thighs and once again broke down into tears. She sat down on the toilet, sat there crying her heart out. Suddenly she felt a hand on her shoulder.


She looked up into Alex’s face unable to read his expression. After staring at him for awhile she realized what it was. He was angry. She pulled away from him, covered herself up with her hands as she got to her feet.

“Let me see you, baby.” His voice was trembling with something that was breaking loose any minute. “Let go of yourself.”

She did as she’d been told, let her arms hang along her sides. Her tears were still running, but she bit her lip and tried to stop.

“Turn around. Let me see your back.”

She turned around escaping into the music that was blasting in her ears. Then she turned around, took a few steps closer to him while taking the headphones out of her ears. His face was cramped up, he looked disgusted and angry, and Jo knew it was her he was mad at and disgusted by.

“I’m sorry,” she apologized to him.

“You’re sorry? What are you? Insane?” All the anger he’d been holding in broke loose.

“Yes. I’m sorry. I’m not insane. I see how you look at me.”

“How do I look at you?”

“Like I’m disgusting and horrible. And I don’t want that. I don’t need that right now.”

“You are not disgusting. Not horrible either. It’s Andy who is.”

She trembled when she heard his name. “And when will you stop seeing him when you look at me? Will everything be ok as soon as the bruises are gone? Or am I contagious forever?”

“I don’t know, ok? All I know is that I love you and want to kill him for doing this to you.”

“That’s not enough.” Jo started to get dressed. “It’s not enough.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that it’s not enough. I can’t have you staring at me like you’ve been doing all day today. Think about it. We’ll talk tomorrow. You’re supposed to be at the venue in thirty minutes. I’ll be at Brian and Leigh’s.” She put her i-pod on the bathroom counter.

“But...” he stretched his hand out to grasp her as she passed him, but she was too quick. She was out of the door before he knew it, and he could do nothing but stare after her. He heard music playing softly, she’d forgot to turn the i-pod off. He was going to turn it off, but the lyrics and the beautiful melody caught him, so he inserted the headphones into his ears and listened. A beautiful female voice was singing.


You're a half a world away
But in my mind I whisper every single word you say.
And before you sleep at night
You pray to me, your lucky star, your singing satellite.
I follow the winds that bring the cold, baby,
I light a fire in your soul, baby.
The lightest touch of feathers falling
My love may be invisible
But I inspire the dreams that guide you, baby


Something about the song touched him, and before he knew it, tears were falling down his face. He had a sneaking suspicion that this wasn’t as bad as it was gonna get. Worse things were to come. When Kevin knocked on the door to tell him it was time to go, he wiped his cheeks and put on a pair of sunglasses.

“You ok, man?” Kevin asked, looking at Alex.

“Yeah. I’m fine. Let’s go.”


Jo was sitting in the living room of Brian and Leighanne’s suite, a blanket wrapped around her and a cup of tea in front of her. Leighanne was sitting next to her, patting her on the knee.

“It will be ok, Jo. I promise.”

“When?”

“As soon as you decide not to let Andy, and what he did to you control you. You need to just let him go. When you’ll be able to do that, I have no idea. Maybe after the trial? When he’s tucked away in some prison somewhere? Maybe sooner, maybe later.”

“I tried to let him go before. We both know what happened then.”

“Yes, but he won’t be doing that again. You know now. What he’s like. He’s showed his true face to you.”

“The sad thing is that I still don’t believe that’s his true face. I’ve lived with him for loads of years, and I’ve never seen any sign of violence in him. Not the least. I guess I just wanna know why things got so out of hand.”

“I understand you, but know that that’s a dangerous point of view, Jo. What would be your advice to a woman who’s being abused in any way in a relationship?”

“Get out. Get away. He did it once, he’ll do it again.”

“See? You’ve been abused, Jo. Physically as well as mentally. Now you need to get out. Let him go. He doesn’t deserve a second more of your time. He did it once, he can do it again.”

“Maybe it’s easier the second time. Maybe it doesn’t feel so bad...”

“Jo? What are you saying? JO? Snap out of it! Oh, sweetheart.” Leigh put her arms around Jo and hugged her. “You need some sleep. Come on. Get to bed.”

“Leigh?” Jo asked when she’d crawled into bed.

“Yes?”

“What about Alex?”

“He loves you. Would never hurt you.”

“I know, but...” Jo fell silent. Leigh stroke some hair out of her face and turned off the lights on her way out.


The next day Jo woke up late. When she looked at her watch she couldn’t believe her eyes. She’d slept for fifteen hours straight, without waking up once. She was hungry. When she got out into the living room there was a note on the table.


Morning Jo!
Hope you slept well. Boys are in Kev’s room – interviews.
Me and Bay are going out for a walk.
Love, Leigh


Jo smiled and lifted the phone to order some breakfast. After she’d ate, she showered and got dressed, choosing something that covered all the bruises. Her heart felt lighter than it had since that night in Sweden. When Brian got in through the door she smiled at him.

“Now that’s a sight for sore eyes. A smile from our dear Jo. You feeling better today?”

“Yes. Alex?”

“In his room. Not himself at all. Go talk to him.”

“I will!” she gave her employer a hug and a kiss on the cheek on her way out, discovering that body contact with a man didn’t feel that bad today. She whistled on her way across the hallway, and knocked Alex’s door. To her surprise he didn’t answer. She went through her pockets trying to find the key, but had to go back and get it from the clothes she’d worn yesterday. She knocked again, but still got no answer. She unlocked the door and opened it only to see Alex sitting on the couch listening to her i-pod. Tears were running down his face. She kneeled in front of him, took his hands and tried to meet his eyes. But he continued to stare into nothing. She reached up to get one of the headphones putting it in her own ear to hear what he was listening to.

“Satellite. I love it.”

He was still silent.

“Ok, Mr. McLean. Talk to me.”

“I’ve got nothing to say to you. You think I’m mad at you for getting raped, you storm out... I can’t take it.”

“Yeah, right. Like that’s the reason. Andy’s touched me again, and it’s killing you because you’re JEALOUS. You don’t care about the fact that he forced himself onto me. You don’t care about the fact that I was crying for you to come save me from him. You don’t care about how I feel, you haven’t asked me since it happened, and when I told the cops what had happened you left. You’re jealous of a guy that raped me. He tried to kill me. He tried to strangle me. Look around my mouth. Those blue marks are from him holding his hands across my nose and my mouth so I couldn’t breathe. And you’re jealous of him. Go to hell, Alex. I don’t want to see you ever again. I guess I have to, but don’t you dare talk to me. Don’t you dare look at me or even breathe anywhere near me.”

Alex looked thunderstruck. “What? Jo, you’re so wrong... so wrong...” he could just as well have talked to a wall. Jo stormed out of his suite slamming the door shut behind her and almost knocked Lina over.


“Oh, sorry babe.”

“Whatever.”

Lina frowned. “I’ve been calling you. Where have you been?”

“In there, breaking up with that idiot excuse for a boyfriend.”

“WHAT? Jo, please tell me you’re joking or something?”

“Nope.”

“Why? What happened?”

Jo all of a sudden broke down into tears. “I don’t know. I don’t know, Lina. Oh, God, help me.” Her legs went weak and she slammed down onto the floor, unconscious.


On the other side of the door sat Alex, he’d pulled out a picture of him and Jo from his wallet that he held in his hand. He’d found a song on her i-pod that reminded him so much of her that the pain he felt was no longer emotional, it was physical, and all over him. Crying he sang along with the song, his voice broke, but he didn’t care.


“There must be an angel, with a smile on her face,
When she thought that I should be with you
You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you.”


As the music faded out he sighed to himself. “I guess it just wasn’t meant to be...”

“My god, Nick help me!” Lina screamed in panic as she tried to hold Jo who was laying on the floor.

Nick came out of their room and picked Jo up from the floor and carried her into their bedroom.

“If you don’t mind I think I’m gonna go over to Alex and see how he’s doing. I have a feeling he’s involved in this.”

“Do that, I’ll stay here with Jo.”

Nick gave her a kiss on the cheek and hurried over to Alex.
Jo slowly woke up and tried to sit.

“Don’t.” Lina said and pushed her back to bed. “What the hell just happen?”

Jo started crying and whispered, “It’s over. We’re over.”

“What do you mean?” Lina had a bad feeling about the situation. She figured she was talking about her and Alex, but she didn’t want it to be true.

“I broke up with Alex. He doesn’t want me now, and I can’t deal with his pain and jealousy towards Andy.”

"What on earth made you think something like that?"

“Don’t Lina. Not now. It’s breaking my heart but I can’t be with him. Not anymore.” She cried desperately as her heart literally was breaking in pieces, and Lina couldn’t do anything else then hold her and let her cry. She sat there for a long time not saying a word. She felt Jo’s sobbing fading away until she fell asleep. Lina put a blanket over her and softly stroked her face. She quietly sneaked out of the bedroom without waking her and walked over to Alex’s room.


“Can I come in?” she said in a low voice as she stood in the doorway.

Nick and Alex were sitting on the floor, not saying a word. Alex had tears running down his face.

“Sure, whatever...” Alex said and continued to stare into nothing.

She sat down next to him and let Nick know she wanted some time alone with Alex. He got up from the floor and leaned towards her face. “I’ll go over to Brian. I’ll wait for you there. God luck, he’s in a bad shape.”

“Thanks, I’ll be there in a while okay?”

“Okay, I know this is important but don’t forget that we have that interview in half an hour. It’s important that we don’t miss it.”

“I won't.” She focused her attention on Alex, who hadn’t said a word during their conversation. Nick left the room and went over to tell Brian about the bad news.


“Alex, look at me,” Lina said and turned his face up to meet hers. “I know you’re hurting right now...”

“You think? She broke up with me Lina... she thinks I’m disgusted by her. How could I ever be that? It’s Andy that disgusts me, not her. Never her.” He started crying, holding on to her so tight she thought her ribs were going to crack, and for the second time that day Lina held someone whose heart was breaking. And there was nothing she could do to ease the pain for them. She sat there for a while holding him, not saying a word. There was nothing in the world she could say to make it better. A soft knock on the door made her linger herself out of Alex’s arms to open. All the guys stood outside with their eyes full of questions.

“How is he?” Kevin asked. “We thought we’d come over and take care of him. You need to go and to that interview with Nick.”

“I know I just wanna go and see how Jo’s doing...”

“Don’t worry.” Brian interrupted. “Leigh and Kristin are in there with her. You go with Nick and we’ll let you know how they're doing when you come back. I know she’s your best friend and this is hard on you, but enjoy this. You’re about to tell the world about your baby! Be happy Lina.” He gave her a big hug. Nick stood next to him and waited for her to come and they walked of to the hotel room where they were going to do the interview.


“I don’t know what to do about this Nick,” Lina said as they walked.

“There’s nothing you can do. Besides be there and listen. Be a friend, that’s all.”

“I know, but they should be together, this is wrong.”

“Listen to me Lina. I’m not happy about this either. But this is something that's between them. And only them. You can’t decide what they should or should not do.”

“I know, but still...”

“Leave this for them to solve. You may not like what they decide. But it’s their lives.” He gave her a kiss and they walked in to the hotel room. Lina decided to leave the problems outside and just enjoy this. They were doing an interview for a magazine about their life together, and they had decided to let the world know about their baby. This should be a happy moment for both of them.


“Hello, my name is Jennifer Grey. I’m so thankful that you’re taking time out of your busy schedule to meet with me.” She shook their hands and told them to sit down. Lina felt a bit nervous. This was something totally new to her. Nick sat comfortably in his chair waiting for the interview to begin. This was just an ordinary day to him. He saw Lina’s nervous face and gave her a smile, then took her hand in his.

“So, Nick. This is your girlfriend?”

“Yes. Since about five months now.”

“Lina, that’s your name right?”

“Yes, Lina Carlson.”

“So, what’s it like to date a pop star?”

“I don’t know, he’s just Nick to me. I guess it was weird in the beginning, having to think about the press and everything. But I’m getting used to it.” She smiled and felt more relaxed.

This wasn’t so bad after all. Jennifer continued with the questioning and both Nick and Lina talked about their relationship.

The reporter thought she was getting the first interview with Nick’s girlfriend, unaware of the bomb they were dropping on her. Ever since the baby news had been spread from someone, they still didn't know who, there had been rumours circulating. But they had all denied it. Now they'd decided it was time to announce it officially.

“So I guess this was pretty much it. I have only one more question.”

Nick and Lina had been expecting the question throughout the whole interview. They looked at each other and smiled. This was it. There were no more lies.

"Are you two having a baby?"

Nick smiled and then answered the question. "Yes we are."

When Jo woke up she was confused. She didn’t know where she was, or why Leighanne and Kristin were sitting next to her with worried looks on their faces.

“Are you ok, Jo?” Leighanne asked.

“I guess I am.” Suddenly everything came rushing back, including her breakdown in the hallway. “Man...” She felt her eyes tear up, and there was nothing she could do to stop them from falling.

“Nope. Definitely not ok.” Kristin reached for a box of tissues while Leigh sat down next to Jo in the bed and put her arms around her.

“Shh, sweetie. It’s ok. It will be ok. You hear that?”

“How can it be ok if... if he’s not with me?”

“He is with you. He won’t let you go.”

“I just made him.” Jo’s voice was full of regrets, yet she was completely firm in her decision.

“He doesn’t give in that easy. If he does I will knock some sense into him myself if I have to.” Leighanne patted her back softly.

“I don’t wanna be with him. He’s jealous of Andy. Jealous. Can you believe that? He’s an idiot.”

“I don’t think he is, Jo. He’s so pissed off at him for what he did to you, but jealous? I don’t think so.”

“He acts jealous.” She got out of bed. “I need to be by myself. I’m going down to the gym. If I’m not back in a couple of hours, come down for me, I might have kicked myself to death.” She looked through her bag for some clothes and a towel, then was outside the door before Leigh or Kristin had any chance to stop her.


She got down to the gym, and warmed up. There was a punching bag, and she imagined Andy’s face on it, letting out every little piece of anger and sadness she had in her, the sound of her sobs drenched in the loud euro-techno that was blasting out of the speakers. She felt as if no time at all had passed when Leigh tapped her shoulder, holding out a bottle of water. Jo grabbed it, gulped down all of it.

“Thank you. Another hour, then I’m coming back up.”

Leigh nodded and disappeared, and Jo went back to beating up the punching bag. She hit it over and over again, her feet never still on the floor, until she couldn’t feel her arms anymore. Then she grabbed her stuff and went back up to the hotel room that was now empty. Leigh had taken Baylee with her to watch the sound check. Jo got out of her soaked clothes and stepped into the shower, where she remained standing for almost an hour before she had gathered enough strength to reach for the bottle of shampoo. When she was finished she got out, put on her pj’s and went to bed. She fell asleep instantly, and didn’t wake up until late the next morning when Baylee climbed into her bed.


“Jojo! Wake up!”

She heard his tittering voice vaguely through her dreams. Then she could feel his sticky hands stroking her cheek, trying to tickle her under her chin. She couldn’t help but smile. “I’m awake, Bay.”

“Play, Jojo!”

She opened her eyes, saw him sitting next to her with a sunny smile on his face. His golden locks glistened in the sun like a halo around his head. ”Come here you!” She opened her arms, and he crawled closer, gave her a hug and a sticky kiss on the cheek. She hugged him back, feeling happy for the first time since Stockholm. She had no time to feel sorry for herself, Baylee just grabbed her by the hand and pulled her with him out into the living room, where he’d made a mess with all of his toys. Leigh came out of the bathroom and smiled at the sight of her son and Jo.

“Bay, I thought I told you to leave Jo alone.”

“We play.”

“It’s ok, Leigh. He was just what I needed this morning.” She made an attempt to sit down on the floor, but had to remain standing. “Geeez, I should really have stretched yesterday. Maaan, I hurt.” She laughed.

”I can’t believe you have the energy to stand there for almost three hours. I’d be dead after ten minutes.”

“It’s my favourite work out ever. It relieves all the stress. And once I start, I just keep going until I can barely remain standing.”

Baylee tugged on her arm, and gave her a teddy bear. “Play, Jojo!”

“Yes, Baylee. Let’s play.”


A couple of hours later there was a knock on the door. Jo struggled her way up off the floor, laughing a bit at herself. When she opened the door she felt like her heart stopped beating. Alex was standing outside, pale, with black circles under his eyes looking very tired. Still he was the most beautiful person she’d ever seen.

“Hey.” He tried to smile, but his face felt as if it was made out of cement.

“Hey.”

They stood silent for awhile, just looking at each other.

“Umm... I was looking for Brian.”

“Oh. He’s... not here. Out. With Leigh.”

“Oh. Sorry to bother you then.” He turned around and walked away, left her standing in the doorway looking after him.


"Man. I can’t believe how stupid I am. Or how gorgeous she looks. This is killing me. I don’t know what I should do.” Alex said into the phone.

“Oh, darling. Stick around, don’t give up on her if you really love her. I can’t believe I haven’t met her yet.” Denise McLean’s voice was worried on the other end.

“Well, if I keep up the good work, there won’t be any need for you to meet her.”

“Don’t say that. Don’t even think that. You guys will work this out. She will come around, and you just have to wait. I know that’s not what you do best, but try.”

“I will. Thanks for the support, mum. I just wish I wasn’t so stupid.”

“Anytime, Alex. Anytime. What have you done that’s so stupid?”

“Well, we were out last night, and I met this girl...”

“Oh, Alex. No.”

“No, it wasn’t like that. I just got her number, and I saved it. I feel totally guilty about it.”

“Then throw it away boy. You understand that if she finds it, you’re buh-bye?”

“I guess that’s the right thing to do.”

“You’re damn right it is. Go do it now. Talk to you later.”

“Yeah. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Alex hung up but remained sitting in his chair, fidgeting on the tiny piece of paper that had a series of numbers on it, and a little message. “Call me! Love, Ashley!” He sighed and put the note back in his wallet, safely hid behind a credit card that he rarely used.

“There you have the baby. Do you see it?” the doctor asked Nick and Lina as he pointed at the screen. They’d scheduled an appointment for an ultrasound. They were now in Denmark and Lina felt comfortable with seeing a doctor there. It almost felt like going to the doctor at home and that felt safe.

“Wow, I can’t believe it.” Nick said and looked at the monitor with a stunned expression on his face. Lina just smiled and looked at the screen. The feeling of seeing her baby were overwhelming. Nick gave Lina a kiss and then looked at the monitor again.

“That’s our baby, Lina.”

“I know...”

“So do you wanna know the sex of the baby?”

They looked at eachother. Nick nodded his head. “I would wanna know... how about you honey?”

“I guess I want to... I don’t think I can wait.”

The doctor gave them a smile. They looked so happy together. They reminded him of him and his wife when they were young.

“We wanna know.” Nick said to the doctor.

“Okay, you two are gonna have a little baby girl. Congratulations.”

“I’m gonna have a daughter?” Nick looked like he couldn’t believe his ears. He got tears in his eyes and then gave Lina a big hug. “Can you believe it? We’re gonna have a girl, and she’s gonna look just like her mother!”

He made a little dance on the floor and Lina couldn’t help but laugh. He looked so cute.

“You don’t know that silly. She might as well look like her father.”

He gave her a serious look. “Why would you want something like that? Don’t you want a pretty girl?”

She laughed again. Sometimes he was just like a little kid.

“I think she’s gonna look like both her parents,” the doctor said, smiling.


They took a taxi back to the hotel. The boys had the day off and tomorrow they had a concert to do. But this day was their own, and they wanted to make the best out of it. As they arrived to the hotel they bumped into Alex. He didn’t look happy.

“What’s wrong?” Nick asked.

“Jo, what else? She won’t talk to me. It doesn’t matter what I do.”

“I’m sorry... I could talk to her if you want,” Lina said.

“Thanks but I don’t think it makes any difference. She has made up her mind. And if that’s what she wants she’ll get it. I love her. But I’m not gonna crawl for her. If she doesn’t want me I’ll go on with my life.” He walked away before they had a chance to say anything.

“Don’t take this on you Lina.” Nick knew what she was thinking, but this wasn’t something she could solve. It was up to Jo and if she didn’t want it, it was her decision.

“I know, I know... but it’s hard to see your best friend throw away something good. And I don’t want them to suffer like this.”

Nick gave her a big hug and held her in his arms for a while. She forgot about everything and just enjoyed the feeling of his arms around her. He smelled so good.


“So what about we go see the others and tell them about our daughter?” Nick asked and smiled.

Lina liked the feeling of having a daughter and she was so happy that Nick was so excited. “I would like that.” She reached for his face and gave him a soft kiss before they went to look for the others who were all hanging out in Kevin and Kristin’s room. Lina looked around for Jo but she couldn’t find her. Leighanne noticed her searching and figured she was looking for Jo.

“She’s in our room if you wanna talk to her,” Leighanne said and smiled at her.

“Thanks Leigh.” She turned to Nick and whispered. “I would wanna tell her first if that’s okay?”

“Sure, you want me to come?”

“Actually I would like to do it alone...”

“I understand. Go and tell her, I’ll wait for you before I tell it to the others.”

“Thanks. I’ll be right back” She gave him a kiss and then walked over to Jo.


She knocked on the door but there was no answer so she just stepped in.

“Jo? Are you in here?” There was still no answer so she walked into Jo’s bedroom. She was lying in bed staring into the wall.

“Jo, sweetie. How are you feeling?”

“I don’t know... I feel numb...”

“Oh Jo, why are you doing this to yourself? He loves you, let him be there for you.”

“No, I don’t want him around feeling sorry for me all the time. And he deserves more than I can give him.”

“You're wrong, but I’m not gonna nag. I just want you to be happy.”

“I know. And I am so happy that you’re here.” Jo sat up and gave her a hug.

“I have some news...” Lina said and couldn’t help to smile.

“What's up?”

“Well you know we were at the doctor to check up on the baby.”

“Yes, don’t tell me there’s something wrong?” Jo got a worried look on her face.

“No, everything’s fine, and we’re having a girl. Jo I’m having a daughter.”

Jo screamed and hugged her again. “I’m so happy for you!”

“Please come to Kevin’s room with me. We’re telling the others.”

“I don’t know... is Alex there?”

“No, we met him when we came in. He’s out somewhere.”

“Well okay then.” For the first time in a long time Jo smiled and got up from the bed. Lina was glad that she could bring her some good news to make her forget about Alex for a while.


They went to Kevin’s room where everyone waited for her.

“What’s the big news Nick’s talking about?” Brian asked as she walked into the room. “He’s driving us crazy here.”

“I’m not.” Nick defended himself.

“I think I’m gonna believe Brian on this,” she giggled. “Go ahead Nick, tell them.”

“You don’t wanna do it?”

“No, you do it.”

“Okay just tell us, would you?” Kevin said impatiently but with a smile.

“You are looking at the parents of a little baby girl,” Nick said with a happy face.

All the others jumped out of their seats to congratulate.

“That’s so great.” Leighanne said and gave Lina and Nick a big hug. “I’m so happy for you!”

“So Nick’s gonna have a daughter huh?” Kevin said and punched him on the shoulder.

“I sure am. And she’s gonna look just like her mother...” He gave Lina a look full of laughter. She just smiled and kissed him.

They all spent the evening together and they went out for dinner to celebrate. Everyone except Alex was there. And Lina couldn’t help but worry. She saw that Jo did the same but she didn’t wanna push her so she dropped the subject for the evening. It wouldn’t matter what she said. Once Jo made up her mind about something no one could change it.

Back at the hotel Alex were sitting in his room. He couldn’t find the others so he just ordered some room service and watched TV. He missed Jo, but he wasn’t gonna call her. He already tried to talk to her but it was no use. He was hurt but also mad.

'If she doesn’t want me, I’m not gonna run after her. I have my pride too,' he thought and felt the hurt and anger hit him again with full force. He desperately wanted a drink but he wasn’t gonna go there again. 'She’s not worth it,' he said to himself and couldn’t help to feel guilty about his thoughts. He got out his wallet and slowly took the piece of paper with Ashley’s number. He reached for the phone and dialled the number fast so he wouldn’t change his mind.

“Hello.”

“Hi, is this Ashley? It’s Alex.”

“Hi, I didn’t think you would call. But I’m happy you did.”

“Well here I am. I was just wondering if you would wanna see me when I come to Germany?”

“I would love to, but I don’t think I could afford travelling through the country like that. Maybe we could meet when you’re in Berlin?”

“Don’t worry about it. Give me your address and I’ll take care of it.”

They talked for awhile and he thought she seemed like a nice girl. But when he hung up he couldn’t help but feel guilty. 'Stop it. It’s over. You don’t owe her anything,' he tried to convince himself. But he knew that this could be the thing that totally destroyed every chance he had to ever get Joanna back. 'You’re not getting her back, so why does it matter?'


The next day went by fast, both Jo and Alex did their best to avoid each other. Lina spent the day with Jo, Leigh and Kristin as the boys had rehearsal and sound checks all day. She tried her best to cheer Jo up and she seemed to be in a better mood. 'Maybe, she’s actually getting over him,' she thought and felt sorry. She still thought they were perfect for each other. But on the other hand she’d thought that about Andy too, and that had turned out to be completely wrong. She pushed the thoughts about it away and got into a discussion with Leigh about their pregnancies.


The evening came and they went to see the concert. As usual it was great and right after the show they got to their buses to go straight to Hamburg, Germany.

Jo was walking down the hall in their hotel in Stuttgart. As she turned a corner she bumped into Ryan, one of the members of the Backstreet band. He smiled at her. “Hey Jo! How are you today?”

“Oh, hey Ryan. I’m feeling ok, actually. You?”

“Well, much better now that I’ve met you.”

She blushed. “You’re too sweet.”

“Are you in a rush to something, or do you have time to grab a coffee with me?”

“I was going down to the gym, and after that I have to work, I’m sorry. Maybe some other day?”

“Yeah, I’ll take you out to dinner.”

She laughed. “Coffee’s fine.”

“See you around then?”

“Yeah. See ya!” She ran down the stairs to the gym in the basement of the hotel.


As she stood on the Stairmaster she thought about Ryan. He was cute. In a non-dangerous kind of way. Totally the opposite to Alex. She liked his messy blonde hair and his blue eyes. And the man had a sense of humour. He’d made her laugh more times than she could count during the sometimes seemingly endless hours when Alex and the rest of the boys were giving interviews and no one else was around. He knew most of her stories, and still liked her.

“My god...” she muttered to herself. “I haven’t thought about Alex all day.” She was happy about that. She still loved him, but if he couldn’t handle what had happened to her, she couldn’t make him. And then she had to move on. 'Maybe a dinner with him would be nice...' she thought, jumping off the Stairmaster and heading for the punching bag. She found a pair of gloves, put them on and threw a couple of punches towards the bag. But she couldn’t work herself into her usual frantic beating. She just wasn’t angry enough. “Geeez, I’m going soft.” She laughed to herself as she headed for another machine.


An hour later Jo came back up to the hotel room, and found Lina comfortably snuggled up in her bed.

“Hey. What are you doing here? In my bed?”

“Wanted to see you, but you weren’t here and I got tired of sitting up. So I borrowed your bed.”

“I can see that. Didn’t Leigh tell you I was at the gym?”

“Yup, but I didn’t think you’d be gone for such a long time.”

“I’ve been gone for an hour and a half.”

“Yeah, I know. Trust me, your hotel room gets boring after fifteen minutes. And I’ve been here for far more than that.”

“You have to be bored for another fifteen. I’m gonna take a shower, then I’m gonna watch Bay for Brian and Leigh.”

“You never have any time for me...” Lina pouted.

“You’re one to talk. Get your pregnant ass out of my bed,” she laughed.

“Nope. I’ll get out when you’ve showered.” She fluffed up the pillows behind her.

“You’re crazy.” Jo headed for the shower.

“I wanna watch Baylee with you. I have to get used to that kind of stuff, you know.”


Alex was walking around nervously in the lobby. Ashley had agreed to meet him there, and he’d sent a cab to pick her up from her home that was 30 minutes away. He fidgeted with the keys in his pocket, and when he turned around she was standing in front of him, smiling. She was beautiful with her short brown hair, her body enhanced by the tight jeans and teal tank top she was wearing. She had a black leather jacket over her arm, and was quite a bit shorter than him, even though she was wearing black stiletto heeled boots, similar to the ones he’d given Jo for her birthday. He quickly pushed the thoughts of her away and smiled at Ashley.

“Hey there! You look gorgeous!”

“Thanks! So do you.”

He looked down at his own worn jeans and the white shirt he had on. “Guess I’ll have to do.” He took her by the arm. “Should we?”

“I think we should.”


They had a nice evening together in a small restaurant, where they ate pasta and talked about nothing important at all. She was bubbly and nice, and he really enjoyed her company. But he couldn’t shed his feelings of guilt towards Jo. He had to ask Ashley to repeat what she’d said numerous times, because he was wondering what Jo was doing at that very moment, if she was missing him or even thinking about him.


Jo wasn’t thinking about Alex. Most of the time. He sneaked his way into her head when she didn’t have anything to do, so she kept busy, first tidying up after Baylee, then watching Lina putting him to bed, and after that a girls-night with a movie on the TV and tons of popcorn. She’d seen that one of the few un-dubbed channels was showing The Green Mile, one of her favourite sad movies, so she made Lina stay with her to watch it.

“It’s... Just so... SAAAD...” she sobbed, reaching for a box of tissues as the credits started to roll.

“Yes it is.” Lina wiped away some tears from her own face, then patted Jo on the knee. “How does it feel to have something else to cry about?”

“Fabulous. I wish I’d done this days ago.” Jo blew her nose.

“I don’t think it would have worked then. Today was the perfect day.”

“I guess it was. God, I feel so much better!”

Lina gave her friend a hug. “I’m glad.”

”Nick.” Lina poked him in the side to get his attention.

“What?” Nick mumbled. He was still half asleep and didn’t wanna wake up.

“Look outside the window.” Lina stood by the window staring down on the crowd of journalists outside. “What are all these journalists doing here? I know they know that you are here but this is extreme.”

“Have you forgotten what day it is?”

“Huh?”

”Our interview is published today... they aren’t here for the Backstreet Boys, they are here for you and me.”
Lina just stood there, she couldn’t believe that her pregnancy would get all this attention.

“But why? I know you are Nick from the Backstreet Boys, but hello!”

Nick just laughed at her. She hadn’t really gotten used to all the journalists and fans running after them.

“I guess we have to stay at the hotel today.” Nick said and gave her a smile. “Come here, I want you in bed, not all the way over there.” They had arrived in Rotterdam, Holland the night before, and now they had a day off before the concert.

Lina got back into the bed and curled up against him. Before she knew it she was crying.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” Nick asked and held her.

“I don’t know, I just wanna cry... I’m all messed up.”

“No you’re not. You are wonderful, and I love you.” Nick was getting used to this emotional rollercoaster. One minute she was happy and the next she was crying. He knew it was because of the pregnancy, but he hated to see her cry.

“I’m not wonderful, I’m gonna be all fat soon, and then you won’t love me...you don’t want a fat girlfriend” she kept crying and he had a hard time not to laugh. She wasn’t acting rational at all these days.

“Honey, it’s not like you’re being fat like overweight, you’re carrying our baby. And I’m gonna think you look beautiful.”

She stopped crying and turned her head up to look at him. “I’m sorry babe, I don’t know what’s wrong with me...”

“Nothing’s wrong.” He took her face in his hands and kissed her. She felt he’s tongue exploring her mouth and she couldn’t help but moan. He deepened the kiss and they forgot about the world around them. All that existed was them and their love. They made love and afterwards Lina lay in Nick’s arms. They fell asleep like that and didn’t wake up until there was a knock on the door.

“Who’s that?” Lina asked sleepy.

“I don’t know, wait here...” Nick crawled out of bed with his cover wrapped around him.

He opened the door and Brian stepped in. He smiled when he saw Nick’s lack of clothes, considering it was four o’clock in the afternoon.

“Get dressed, you and Lina are coming with me and Leigh.”

“Why?”

“Because I say so. No seriously, we thought you might wanna go out for dinner with us or something.”

“I don’t know man, have you looked outside?”

“No problems, we’ll sneak out. Come on, it will be fun.”

"Wait, I’m gonna ask Lina." But he didn’t have to go in to the bedroom. Lina had already put her clothes on and was now in the living room with them.

“I would love to go Bri. When are we leaving? I’m starving.”

“We thought we could go in an hour. Jo’s taking Baylee.”

“That sounds fine. We’ll meet you downstairs.”

Brian said goodbye and went back to his wife. Lina came up to Nick and gave him a kiss.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”


They went out with Brian and Leighanne that night and they had a lovely time. They managed to sneak away from all the journalists and they laughed about how easy they were to fool.


The next couple of days went by fast. Lina’s mood swings were as bad as ever, but they had all learned to handle it. She didn’t see Jo very much, she was taking care of Baylee or working out. She missed her, but she didn’t wanna pressure her. If Jo needed time for herself she would get it. But Lina couldn’t help to feel left out. She always shared her emotions with Jo and she wished Jo would do the same.


“What’s wrong baby?” Nick asked. They were on their way to Mannheim, Germany and they were travelling in their tour buses. She came out of her thoughts about Jo and turned to him.

“Nothing, I just miss Jo. It feels like she doesn’t wanna talk to me or something.”

“I’m sure everything’s fine. Maybe she just needs some time alone right now.”

“I guess. But I miss her. Plus I’m bored when you’re at the rehearsals. I want her here to talk to.”

“Like I said. I think she just needs some time to deal with her emotions. When she’s done that, everything will go back to normal.”

“Probably. But I want her to feel like she could talk to me and besides, I don’t like to be bored.” She pouted with her mouth and Nick couldn’t help but laugh.

Jo answered her phone with a smile. She’d been bored out of her mind the entire day, the boys had a day off, and that meant Brian and Leighanne were spending time with Baylee, Lina was with Nick, and Alex was somewhere only God knew. Not that she wanted to spend time with him anyways, she said to herself.

“Hello?”

“Hey, It’s Ryan. How are you?”

“I’m fine, thanks. You?”

“I’m great. Listen... I was thinking... since we’ve got the day off I was wondering if you’d like to do something with me. Before that dinner I’m gonna take you out to. If you don’t have to work, that is.”

Jo hesitated for a moment. What damage could this do? She decided not to care about that for the moment, and shrugged. “I don’t have to work, so I’d love to. But listen. I don’t want this to come out. A-Alex can’t know. No one can.”

“If you want it that way, I’m fine with it. So, I’ll meet you downstairs in the lobby in an hour?”

“Sounds like a plan!” she hung up and turned on the radio, then jumped straight into the shower, singing along to the music at the top of her lungs. She got dressed in a white turtle necked knitted sweater and a black skirt that came down to below her knees, finished the look off with a pair of cowboy-inspired high heeled boots and a black leather belt with a large silver clasp. She braided her hair into a long braid that fell down her back and put on some make up. She took a step back and watched her reflection. “I need some colour,” she muttered and went through her make up bag until she found what she was looking for, a bright red lip gloss, and dabbed it onto her lips. Finally satisfied she smiled at the mirror and headed outside the door, grabbing her purse on the way out.


When she got down to the lobby Ryan was already waiting for her. She smiled at him.

“Hi!”

His eyes widened. “Wow. You’re beautiful.”

“Thank you. You’re not half bad yourself.” She caught herself staring at him. He was really, really cute in a pair of black pants and a dark blue jacket, with a green sweater showing underneath it.

“You wanna get going?” he asked.

“Sure. Where exactly are we going?”

“I thought we’d do some sight seeing. See if we can find any interesting stuff to watch. If that’s ok with you?” He headed out the door, holding her by the arm.

“Of course. It’s a beautiful day, and I’m sick of the hotel.”

“They tend to get boring after awhile, yeah.”


They spent the day walking around town, the sun was shining and the air was crisp, so they decided to skip the museums and walk around watching the buildings. Jo had a great time, and when Ryan put his arm around her where they were sitting on a bench, she leaned closer to him, inhaling his scent. She was attracted to him. Very much so. 'Am I a complete fool for doing this?' she asked herself. 'I like him, I like all the attention he’s giving me, he’s keeping my mind off Alex. I think we could really have something here.'


He sighed deeply, waking her from her daydreaming. “Where did you run off to?” He smiled.

“Nowhere. I really like this.” She smiled back at him.

“Me too, Jo. Me too.” He took her hand, entwining their fingers. They fell silent again, remained sitting in the bench watching the beautiful autumn colours until the sun started to set.

“We should get going. You’ll freeze.” He got to his feet, grabbed her other hand as well and pulled her up. She looked up into his eyes. Even now that she wore heels he was significantly taller than her. Before she knew what had happened his lips met hers and he kissed her ever so softly. She sighed, opened her lips to him and felt herself getting lost in the moment.


Alex moaned with pleasure. He looked over at the naked Ashley who was covered only with a towel and smiled. “This was a great idea.”

“I told you it was.”

“It’s just what I needed. To relieve some of the stress from the tour and everything.”

“There’s nothing like a day at a spa to relieve stress. And this one is the best. I told you these massages are to die for.”

“That you did. And you were right. So, are you happy that you came with me here?”

“I am. But I’m not here with you. I’m visiting my mother.” She laughed.

He smiled. “Oh, right. I feel sorry for your mother, though. You come to visit, and the only time she gets to see you is late at night, and early mornings.”

“It’s still better then having me outside Stuttgart, right? At least she gets to see me now. Even if it’s only like an hour a day.” She smiled a thank you at the masseuses. “So, how about a sauna before those facials?”

“You really are my kind of girl.” He got up off the table and stretched his arms towards the ceiling, waiting for Ashley to wrap her towel around her.


Jo was sitting at a table in a small restaurant she and Ryan had found earlier during their walk around town. He was sitting across the table from her, holding her hand. They had ate, a lovely pasta accompanied by a bottle of red wine, and now they were waiting for their desserts. Jo was feeling a bit dizzy, she wasn’t used to drinking anymore, and she was giggling at something Ryan said.

“You know, this is so much fun. I usually don’t drink. Bad experiences. But right now this was just what I needed. We should have a brandy with the coffee, you know.”

“Yes, we should.” The waiter came with two plates of rich, dark chocolate cake, and two cups of coffee. “Thank you. Some brandy for me and the lady as well, please.”

“Of course.”

They finished their meal, and got up to leave. When they came out onto the street Jo stopped to kiss Ryan, and then she threw her head back laughing. “You know, I don’t wanna go home. Why don’t we do something else?”


Alex finished getting dressed in the locker room at the spa. He and Ashley had eaten at the spa restaurant, and were getting ready to leave. He packed the last of his things in a bag and headed out to meet Ashley.

“Hey.” He spun around to see her exiting the women’s locker room.

“Ooh, you look pretty.”

She smiled. “Thanks. You know what?”

He shook his head.

“I feel like dancing. I know we’re not supposed to go out in public, but I know this club around the corner, it’s not very big, and they won’t find us there.”

“I don’t know, Ash. No one knows about us, they still think I’m with Jo, except for the guys, but they don’t know about you either, and I don’t know if I want them to. Too much trouble.”

She looked at him, her eyes showed how hurt she was. “Ok, then. I’ll just go home and hang with my mother.”

He grabbed her by both arms, looked into her eyes. “You know that’s not what I meant.” He kissed her softly, it was the first time he did so, and he enjoyed her mouth, the feeling of her body against his. When he let go of her he smiled. “We’ll go to that club. Come on!”

“Yey!” She laughed. He grabbed her hand and kissed it, then let go of her opening the door so she could pass. They walked the short distance to the club and walked past the line, straight into the club. His eyes scanned the room for anyone who could possibly sell them out, then put his arm around her when he didn’t recognize any faces. He hugged her tightly and turned around, then quickly let go of her as if she’d burned him. She looked up at him, not understanding what had just happened. He was staring straight ahead, she followed his eyes and saw a tall girl who was holding the hand of a blonde, gorgeous man, but keeping her eyes locked in Alex’s. The two couples stood ten feet apart just staring at each other. Nothing happened. 'So that’s the famous Jo,' Ashley thought to herself. Alex’s eyes were now moving from Jo to Ryan, and he looked furious. 'Yeah. He’s over her. Right. And I’m the Dalai Lama.'

“Hey! Do you know where Jo's at?” Leighanne peeked through the door at the couple having breakfast.

Lina shrugged. “I have no idea. Haven’t talked to her at all for the last couple of days.”

“She doesn’t answer her phone or the door.”

“You need someone to take care of Bay?”

“Nah, not really, just wanted to know where she is.”

“I’ve got a spare key to her room. I’ll go check if she’s there.”

“That’d be great.” Leighanne closed the door.

Lina got her purse to check for the key, but she was only halfway through it when she heard a knock at the door. Nick opened and let in a Jo that looked as if she’d seen brighter days. Lina rushed to her and gave her a hug.

“My god Jo, what’s happened?” She felt the oozes of alcohol on Jo’s breath and let out a laugh. “Oh, yeah. You’re hung over. I had forgotten how terrible you look when you are.”

Nick laughed where he stood next to them. “She’s not hung over. She’s still drunk. You keep your distance from my lady. I don’t want our baby getting drunk in there.”

Jo covered her ears with her hands. “Sssh! You don’t have to yell.” She collapsed onto the couch, accidentally dropping her sunglasses as she went down. She let out a whining sound that made both Nick and Lina laugh. “Oh, please, turn the sun off.”

“Here you go, there, now you can open your eyes again.” Lina put the sunglasses back in position on Jo’s face.

“Again? You really think I’ve gotten that far yet?” Jo tried to laugh, but stopped after the first ‘Ha’. “Man, my head is killing me. Nickolas, take your testosterone and leave. I need to talk to Lina.”

“Ok, but only because you asked so sweetly.” He gave Lina a quick kiss, then was out the door.

“What’s up? Anything happened?”

Jo sighed. “Geez, girl, you’ve got no idea.”

“Tell me!”

“One condition. Pull down the curtains.”

Lina did as she’d asked, then sat down in an armchair opposite to Jo.

“Talk.”

“Well... I’ve been seeing a lot of Ryan lately.”

“Ryan? Oh, bandguy. Yeah, you guys hit it off from the beginning, didn’t you?”

“Not like that, Lina.”

“Oh. Oh... for how long?”

“Yeah. Just one date. A long one, though, practically all of yesterday. And last night we were out for dinner, had some wine, and I felt like going clubbing. So we found a tiny club, had some drinks, kissed and danced, we had a blast. Then I went to the bathroom, he waited for me outside, then when I got out we walked towards the bar, and BHAM! There’s Alex, with his arm around some girl. And they looked really cozy. I just froze, and so did he, but he let go of her first. I didn’t let go of Ryan. And we just stood there until she took his hand and pulled him out of the club.”

“Sounds like quite the night.”

Jo slowly opened her eyes. “Could I have some water? Please?”

“Sure.” Lina reached for the mini bar and got out a bottle of water that she gave to Jo. “Go on.”

“Well, I had to do something, right?”

“Yeah. So you got drunk.”

“Yup. I got drunk alright, and Ryan had to practically carry me home.”

“Smooth, Jo.” Lina laughed. “Tell me, what are your intentions with Ryan?”

“What are you? His mother? Nah, I like him. Really do. He’s fun to be around. He’s not like Alex at all.”

“And that’s why you like him?”

“It was why I went out with him to start with. But there’s a connection, Lina. A strong one.”

“Did you have sex?”

“No, we didn’t. I woke up fully clothed in bed, and he was beside me. He took care of me, gave me water, shut the blinds, got my sunglasses.”

“You think you could have something with him?”

“Yeah. Something real.”

“You’re gonna continue dating him?”

“I think so. If he’ll still go out with me.”

“What about Alex?”

“He’s got that short girl, he can be with her. I'm fucking over him,” she said, but felt her insides burn with jealousy as she uttered the words.

Lina looked at Jo, who seemed exhausted by the massive flow of words, and had hid her head under a pillow.
'Yeah. She’s over him. And I’m the Dalai Lama.'


”Nick, I wanna go home now,” Lina said. She felt tired and she didn’t wanna stay out anymore. They had gone out to dance with all of the others, except Alex and Jo who both had other plans. But Lina were sure that it was all just bad excuses.

“Sure babe.” Nick came up to her and reached her the jacket. “I’ll get a cab for us.” They walked out onto the street and got into a cab.

“I’m so tired,” she said and leaned her head on Nick’s shoulder. “I hope you don’t mind going home?”

“Of course I don’t mind. As long as I’m with you I can be anywhere,” he said and gave her a soft kiss. “I love you baby.”

“I love you too.” She cuddled up against him and just enjoyed having him close. They arrived at the hotel and went in to their room.

“So how tired are you?” Nick said and kissed her. She felt his tongue exploring her mouth and suddenly she didn’t feel tired at all.

“Oh I don’t know, depends on what you have in mind.” she said and smiled at him.

“You know exactly what I’m talking about.” He kissed her again and unzipped her dress. He let it fall down to her feet and for a second he just stood there watching her in her underwear. He saw the bump on her belly and gently caressed it.


She saw the love in his eyes and she felt her heart race. She removed his shirt and pressed herself against him. She loved the feeling of his skin against her. They met in a kiss and he lifted her up to carry her into the bedroom.

“Oh, what are you doing?”

“What does it look like? I’m taking my lady into our bedroom.”

They both laughed as he carried her. He gently put her down on the bed and laid down next to her. She felt something under her back and reached to grab it.

“Nick, what’s this?” she took out a piece of paper.

“I don’t know...” he tried to kiss her again but she pushed him away.

“Wait baby... I wanna see it.”

“Okay, lets see it.” He turned the light on and took the paper. As he read the paper his face got pale.

“What’s wrong?”

“Baby, we need to get out of her, right now. Put your clothes on.” He walked out in the livingroom and put his shirt on again.

“What is it? You’re scaring me Nick.” Lina was right behind him reaching for her dress.

“Wait.” He took out his cell phone and dialled the number to Kevin. He just told him to be ready for him and Lina to be over, and then hung up.

“Come on Lina we need to go.”

“I’m not going anywhere before you tell me what’s going on.”

“Okay, this note is from a fan. Someone has been in our room.”

"What?"

“Yes. But the note isn’t for me. It’s from someone who wants you to die...” he held out the paper and she read it.


"Who the hell do you think you are? Nick’s mine. And I’m gonna get him. Even if it means killing you! That baby you’re carrying should’ve been mine."


Lina felt her heart race in panic. Someone wanted her dead, and that person had been in her room.

Jo smiled at Ryan, and kissed him softly.

“You wanna come in for awhile?” she asked. She wanted someone to keep her mind off what had happened to Lina a couple of nights ago. They had security in the hallway 24/7, but she was still a bit scared of being alone.

“Sure.”

She opened the door and walked into her hotel room, and he followed her, closing the door behind him.

“God, I love Dublin. I’ve always been fascinated by Ireland, always wanted to go here. And here I am!”

“Yeah, here you are. It’s a beautiful country.” He helped her off with her coat.

“Thanks. Yes, it is. So, you wanna watch a movie or something?”

“A movie sounds great.”

When the movie was finished and the credits started to roll he looked at her. “Can I stay the night?”

“Yeah. You can. But just sleep, ok?”

“Yeah, just sleep. I just wanna hold you.”

“That would be nice. Come on, then.”

They snuggled up next to each other in bed, and fell asleep almost instantly. The next morning when Jo woke up she felt like she’d slept for a year.

“Good morning.” Ryan’s voice made her jump.

“Geez, I thought you were asleep. You scared me. Good morning to you too...” she kissed him. When she tried to get up he held her back.

“Nooo... don’t go.”

“I have to. Have to take care of Bay.”

“Just my luck.” He pouted. “My girl chooses a two and a half year old over me.”

“Aww... Poor thing. Stay in bed. I have to go though.” She kissed him again, then jumped out of bed and into the shower. When she got out he had fallen back asleep. She got dressed and was out the door less than five minutes later.


“Morning!” She greeted the Littrells, who were having breakfast, with a big smile on her face.

“Morning, Jo! You seem happy today.” Leighanne smiled at her.

“Yeah, guess I am.”

“You want some breakfast?”

“Yes, please.” She sat down in an empty chair and helped herself to some yoghurt and cereal. “So, what are your plans for the day?”

“Well, we have an interview first, some morning TV-show, then a lunch meeting, then we’ll be back.” Leighanne said.

“And tonight we’re leaving for Manchester, right?”

“That’s right.”

“Bus night tonight then?”

“Nope, it’s a four hour drive, so we’ll be in Manchester by midnight. No need to sleep on the bus when you can sleep in a bed in the hotel. We better go, honey.” Brian said getting off his chair and giving his son a kiss. Leighanne followed his example, and they left together.

Jo smiled at Baylee. “You’ve got breakfast all over your face. How about we go wash it off, so that we can play?”

“Yes!”


She washed Baylee’s face, cleaned up after breakfast, did some general cleaning, then sat down on the floor with Baylee, who was colouring.

“Oh, that’s pretty, Bay. You’re doing well!” A knock on the door made her jump. “I wonder who that is. Should we answer it?”

Baylee nodded and went for the door, so Jo ran after him, scooping him up into her arms, then opened the door.

“Alex. Hi.”

“I knocked at your door first. What the fuck?”

“Baylee? Won’t you go colour in your room for awhile? I’ll put on Disney Channel on your TV.”

“Ok!” He nodded, smiling widely, and ran to get his crayons and paper. Jo turned the TV on and found the Disney Channel. She turned up the volume, kissed Baylee on the head, then gently closed the door behind her as she exited his room.

“Not in front of Bay, Alex.”

“He’s not here now, is he?”

“Yes, he is still here. He’s just a little boy, and he gets scared when you scream in front of him. Even if he’s on the other side of a closed door.”

“Ryan opened your door.”

“Yeah, he spent the night.” Jo sat down on the couch, watching Alex pacing in front of her.

“Why?”

“Because he wanted to, and I wanted him to.”

“Did you fuck him? Did you?”

“That’s none of your business Alex. But I didn’t.”

He seemed to relax, sat down in one of the armchairs. “I can’t take this, Jo. That’s what I came to tell you. I want to be with you. I miss you. I’ve tried to replace you, but it can’t be done.”

“Does she know that?”

“Ashley. No, she doesn’t.” He shook his head and buried his face in his hands.

“I’d never ever take you back if you had a girlfriend, Alex. You know that as well as I do.”

“But you miss me?”

“Of course I do. I’ve missed you every day since we ended things.”

“What about Ryan?”

“I like Ryan. He’s nice. He’s no you, in fact he’s as far from you as you can get. But I like him.”

“What am I supposed to do? What do you want me to do?” He looked up at her, almost challenging her.

“You have to figure that one out yourself.. Just know that I can’t make any promises. At the moment I’m not sure if we can work this out.”

“Do you still love me?” He looked almost scared as he waited for her to answer.

She closed her eyes and nodded. “I love you, Alex. I do. Just give me some time, ok?”

“Ok, I will. I love you too.”


Jo got back to taking care of Baylee, and Alex marched back to his room. There was hope. She loved him. ‘If she loves me half as much as I love her, then we will make this work. I’m not gonna let her go,’ he thought to himself as he closed the door to his room behind him. He sat down for awhile, just enjoying the feeling of hearing that she loved him. This was excellent. ‘She will be mine by this time tomorrow,’ he promised himself, getting to his feet and getting a hold of the phone. He took out the note with Ashley’s number on it, dialled it and waited for her to answer. He could hear her smile when she answered.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Ashley, it’s me.”

“I saw that. How are you, babe?”

“I’m great, actually. You?”

“I’ve had the best day ever, got back to work, and found out that...”

“Listen,” he interrupted her.

“Yeah?”

“I... We can’t see each other any more. I’m getting back together with Jo. We’re gonna give it another try.”

“W-what? Alex..? I don’t get it.”

“It’s over, Ashley. Whatever we had, it’s finished.”

“That’s why you’re calling me?”

“Yeah. I talked to Jo just a couple of minutes ago, and she still loves me. We’re gonna try again.”

“But... You said you were over her...”

“Thought I was. Then that night at the club, I realised I’m not. I’ll never be.”

“Thanks a lot Alex.”

“What?”

“You’ve just ruined the best day of my life. Thanks. Now go shit yourself.”

“Look, I’m sorry...”

“Don’t be. Just go die or something. ‘We had a great time, I’m having so much fun with you, I can’t wait to see you again,’” she mimicked his voice. “Well, the next time I see you I hope you’ve got gonhorrea or whatever. Buh-Bye.” She hung up on him, but he remained sitting in his chair, staring at the phone, wishing he’d gone about things a bit softer. ‘But she’s gone, out of my life. Now it’s all about me and Jo,’ he thought to himself.

”Can you believe that it’s only two weeks left of this tour?” Lina asked Nick as they lay cuddled up on the couch. It was raining outside and none of them wanted to go out. Unfortunately, Nick had to leave in a couple of hours to do a sound check for tomorrow’s concert in Hannover, Germany.

“I know, the time has gone by so fast. Probably because of you...” he kissed her and she then leaned her head on his shoulder.

“Probably.” She joked. “I guess that means where going to the US soon...”

“Yup!” Nick tried not to smile. He knew she’d been wondering about the two of them and their situation. But he already knew what to do about it.

Lina sighed to herself. It was impossible to talk to him. What were they to do when they went home? They were gonna have a baby and they hadn’t even talked about their future. She decided it was time to talk about it now.

“Nick.”

“Yes?”

“Why won’t you talk to me about us?”

“I wanna talk about us...”

“Everytime I try, you start to talk about something else.” She started to get upset and felt anger bubbling inside her. Nick noticed it too and decided that maybe it was time to tell her about his plans.

“Baby, don’t get upset. I have thought about us, a lot. I wanted to surprise you but I guess I have to tell you now.”

“What?”

“I know how much you like Atlanta and that you wanna be close to Jo.”

“Yes?”

“I want us to live there. Together.”

“You do?” Lina smiled. That was such a relief.

“Of course I do. I’ve told you before. It doesn’t matter where I am as long as I’m with you!”

“Oh I love you so much!” She gave him a big kiss.

“I love you too,” Nick laughed. He had hoped for this reaction. “I can’t wait to start our life together at home.”

For a while they lay there and planned their future but then Nick had to leave.

“Don’t go anywhere without your bodyguard Lina. I mean it.”

“I know, but I don’t think it will happen again. Probably just some crazy lady. We haven’t heard anything more.”

“I know, but still. I don’t wanna take any chances. Okay?”

“Fine. I won’t. I’m just gonna go over to Leigh and hang out for a while.”

“You do that. I'll be home later tonight.” He gave her a quick kiss and was out the door.


Lina decided to walk right over to Leigh. She wanted to tell someone about her and Nick moving to Atlanta. She hoped Leigh and Brian would be happy to have them around. Jo was out doing whatever. She wasn’t quite sure about what. She heard about the talk between Jo and Alex. And she knew Alex broke up with that girl immediately after he talked to Jo. But Jo didn’t know what to do. When Alex found out she still dated Ryan he got furious. And now they weren’t talking at all. Everything was a mess.

'But I’m not gonna get involved. If Jo needs me she knows where to find me.'

Just as she was about to knock on Leighannes door her phone rang. She answered but there was noone there.

“Hello?” Still no answer. But she heard someone breathing on the other side of the end.

She got a bit nervous. ”Who is this?”

“I know where you are.” The voice whispered. “What are you and Leighanne gonna do today?”

Lina’s body froze as she realised the person was watching her. Her bodyguard saw the fear in Lina’s eyes and wanted the phone. Lina waved to him to wait.

"Who is this? And what do you want?"

“I want Nick.”

“Well you can’t have Nick. He’s with me.”

"Not for long. Watch up whore. I’m watching you.” She heard a click as the person hung up her phone. Lina stood there shivering.

“She’s somewhere near. She knew I was going to Leigh. She told me she’s watching me.”

“If she’s here, we’ll find her.” Henry, the bodyguard said. He knocked on the door and opened it.

“Hey, Leigh. Take care of Lina, I got to go. I’ll call someone to come here and be with you.”

He hurried away before Leigh had a chance to react.

“What was that about?” She asked but realised what happened when she saw Lina’s pale face.

“You've gotten another threat?” Lina nodded. “Oh my god!” She came up to Lina and gave her a hug. “Are you okay? What happened?” Lina told her about the phone call and started to cry.

“Why does someone wanna hurt me? I’m so scared.”

“I know you are. But they’re gonna catch her.”

“I hope so, she seems so full of hate.”

“I know. Some fans can’t understand that the guys are ordinary people. And they seem to believe that they are the ones for them.”


Lina stayed at Leighanne’s room until the boys were back from the venue. Nick had already been informed about what had happened and stormed into the room.

“Lina, are you okay?”

“Yeah I’m fine. I got scared though.” He took her in his arms and held her. She felt safe for the first time since the call.

“I don’t want you alone, ever, okay?” Nick said. “From now on you’ll have Henry taking you wherever you’re going.”

“Fine.” She knew it was pointless to object when Nick was upset. And she couldn’t help but like the idea. She didn’t want to be alone. The girl who called her sounded crazy.

“I’m gonna make sure they find this bitch.”

“I’m gonna make sure all the ladies get some extra protection for a while.” Kevin said. “You never know. I don’t want anything to happen to anyone of them. I want you girls to stay together. I don’t want you wandering off alone, okay.”

Noone of them objected to it. Both Kristin and Jo had arrived and the girls all looked at each other. They realised the danger Lina was in and didn’t want it to happen to them too.

“I don’t want this to reach the press. If this comes out it could trigger other girls to do the same thing,” Kevin continued. “I don’t want that. For now we have to focus on catching this one.”


Kevin took care of the details and half an hour later there were bodyguards everywhere. Lina was scared out of her mind. She reached for Jo’s hand for support.

“Don’t worry Lina. They will get her. And until then you and I are gonna spend a lot of time together,” Jo said, trying to comfort her friend. But she was scared too.

“Thanks. But you need to take care of your own problems with Ryan and Alex.”

“I know. And I will. But they aren’t beeing threatened by some freak. They’ll survive. Right now I wanna be here for you.”


It was late before anyone decided to go to bed. They were all a bit shaken from the seriousness in all this and didn’t wanna split up. Lina didn’t get much sleep that night. She couldn’t help but think about her and Nick. Being the girlfriend of a star wasn’t all just fun. She knew he had to be away sometimes, and she knew about all the fans that followed him. But she hadn’t thought about the possibility of something like this to happen.


'Can I really live my life like this?' she thought as she lay next to Nick who was asleep. 'Maybe Nick and I aren’t meant for each other?' She felt her heart break by the thought of her and Nick not being together. But could she really live her life the way she had to if she wanted to be with Nick? She didn’t know.

Jo was sitting in her room thinking about the days that had passed since her discussion with Alex. 'How did things turn out so wrong?' she asked herself. Didn’t he understand what she was saying when she told him she couldn’t make any promises? He’d come into her room beaming and told her that he’d broken things off with Ashley, then expected everything to be back to normal. When she told him it wasn’t that easy he’d gone crazy and yelled at her, calling her every foul word known to mankind, including some Swedish words she’d taught him. She had of course been pissed at him, because she hadn’t promised him anything at all, just said that maybe, in the future, things could be back to normal between them. But at the moment she was happy with Ryan, he was her support through all of the crap that was going on, even if she knew their relationship wasn’t going to really last. A head peeking in through the door disturbed her thoughts.

“Lina! Hi! Come in!”

“You busy?”

“Nope. Bored though.”

Lina came in and closed the door behind her. “So, how are things with you and Mr. Jump-To-Conclusions?”

“The same as last time. Haven’t talked to him, haven’t seen him, nothing. Not since he stormed out of here.”

“Geeez, he’s really acting grown up.” Lina threw herself on the couch.

“Yeah. But I understand him too. I just can’t see what I did that made him think that everything was ok again.”

“So what are you gonna do?”

“I don’t know. Man. How did it get into this mess?”

“Well, it all started when someone decided Sweden was too small...” Lina smiled, starting with her best know-it-all tone, which made Jo throw a pillow at her.

“Just shut up, would you? I know it’s all my fault. I got us both into this mess.”

“Hey, it’s your mess. I have you to THANK for where I am today, don’t you dare make excuses about that, even if it had some side effects, like this crazy bitch. Get a grip on reality, Joanna Marlene Ericks.” Lina’s tone was sharp, and she stared at Jo.

“Ok, I’m sorry. I know you’re happy.”

“You’re damn right I am happy, and you could be happy too, if you just let yourself.” Tears began rolling down Lina’s cheeks, and Jo got out of her chair to go sit next to her. As she put her arms around Lina she asked: “Hey... why are you crying?”

“Damn these hormones. I can’t control my temper at all,” came the answer, through the sobs.

Jo burst out laughing. “You can’t blame the hormones for that. You’ve never been able to handle your temper. Ever.” She patted Lina on the back.

“I know. But I like blaming it on the hormones.” She smiled and wiped her cheeks. “So, what are you going to do? You can’t chicken out on this.”

“I know. I was hoping I could, though.” Jo laughed, but Lina remained serious.

“You’re doing it again. STOP IT!” she yelled.

“Sorry. Can’t help myself. Thinking about the future makes me panic.”

“You love Ryan?”

Jo sat silent, staring at the carpet between her feet.

“Do you?”

Jo slowly shook her head. “No. I wish I did, this would be so much easier if I just...”

“Come on now. I’m the one who takes the easy path. You don’t. You’re not a quitter, not a chicken.”

Jo tried to protest, but Lina cut her off. “No. I don’t do it as much anymore, but I have in the past. You’ve always struggled. I’ve always been proud of you for that. Been wishing I was more like you. Then maybe I wouldn’t have ended up in these terrible depressions.”

“Look at me. You remember my breakdown just a couple of weeks ago? Do you?”

“Yeah. But you got through it.”

“Because of you. I knew just what to do, thanks to you. Don’t go making me into something I’m not, Lina. You know what a terrible thing it is trying to live up to that.”

“Yes. But this is different. Damn, Jo. Why can’t you just accept the fact that I’m proud of you?”

“Because I’m nothing to be proud of. I’m...” Jo felt the pressure from the tears that wanted to come out. She gave up and let them fall. “Thank you. I love you. I would never have gotten through this if it wasn’t for you. I’m so proud of you, mommy.” She smiled through the tears and patted Lina’s belly.

“See, you’ve got me started again.” Lina had tears streaming down her face. She laughed and sobbed and hugged Jo. “I love you too. Oh, sweetie. Go find Alex. Tell him you love him. Make up. Oooh, make-up sex. That’s not bad at all.” When Jo looked at her, eyebrows raised she continued “Hormones.”

Jo laughed again. “Oh.”

“Go on now, you lazy woman. Alex. Find. Fuc... Make up...” Lina smiled mischievously.

“Alright. I’m going, but I have something else I have to do first. And I have to do something about my face. I can’t go to him looking like this.”

“You’re right. Put on some make up, then go make up.” Lina laughed. “I have to go take a nap. We like to sleep.” She rubbed her belly.

“Go sleep. I can handle this.”

“Tell me all about it later?”

“Of course!”


Lina walked out yawning, and Jo took a look in the mirror.

“Geez. I look like crap.” She decided to take a shower before she left. She got dressed in a short black skirt and a white finely knitted sweater. She let her hair hang in it’s damp tousled way, knowing Alex liked it like that, and put on some make up to hide the last traces of tears. She also put on the black boots he’d given her for her birthday, then nervously walked out of her room and up to the door. When she lifted her hand to knock she realised it was shaking.

“Joanna Marlene Ericks, get a grip...” she heard Lina’s voice in her head and gave the door a hard knock.
For a moment she thought he wasn’t in, but then he opened the door. His eyes went up and down her body, then he looked her straight in the eyes.

“Hello gorgeous.” He grabbed her and pulled her close, but she put her hands on his chest to stop him.

“Ryan, stop. I need to talk to you.”

“Oh? Well then, come in!”

She sat down on his couch, waited until he’d sat down, then looked at him. “Ryan, I can’t do this. I like you, you are so much fun to be around, but this dating-thing... It isn’t working.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t know... I don’t feel for you in that way, I guess. I like you, but as a friend. For a moment I thought I might fall for you, but no.”

“It’s Alex, isn’t it?”

“Yeah. It is. I love him.”

“I knew it. Well, it was worth a shot. If you love him, go be with him. Best of luck to you. Both of you.” He gave her a hug.

“Thank you, Ryan.”

“Another life, another place maybe?”

She let go of him and smiled. “You know it.”


Five minutes later she was standing outside another door. 'This is it.' she thought as she knocked it. She could hear his voice from inside his suite.

“Coming!”

She smiled. Then he opened the door, and looked at her.

“What are you doing here?”

“I...” she took a deep breath, felt her voice shake. “I wanna be with you. I love you.”

He kept looking at her, but didn’t say anything.

“Alex?”

“Yeah. I heard you. Let’s see. You break up with me. I come crawling to you, but you refuse me. Now you’re coming to me? Well. Let me just say HELL NO! I’m not having this.”

“Look, I’m sorry... I don’t know what else to say.”

“Leave me alone, please. I’ve got company.” He slammed the door in her face, and she remained standing outside, the tears began falling again. She sobbed quietly for a while, then walked slowly back to her room.

Lina threw herself down on the couch. She sighed deeply as she lay there thinking about Jo. She was back to her depressed self again since Alex so harshly turned her down. She couldn’t blame her for being sad, but she hated the fact that things just couldn’t be solved for them. If it wasn’t Jo turning down Alex it was the other way around. 'Why do they have to be so damn stubborn?' she thought. She decided that she’d call Jo and take her out shopping. That would get her mind of things for awhile. And Lina could think about something other then the stalker. She shivered when she thought about it. And the feelings of doubt over her and Nick’s relationship hit her again. 'I wish this could all be just a bad dream.'


She reached for the phone and dialled Jo’s number but there was no answer. She was probably with Baylee. So she decided she would go out by herself. She knew Nick would be mad but decided to go anyways. She grabbed her purse and sneaked outside. She didn’t want the security guard with her. “For once I wanna feel like my old self,” she said and walked out onto the street.


“Taxi.” She yelled and a cab stopped in front of her. 'Let’s see if I still know my Spanish,' she thought and smiled at the driver. They were now in Barcelona Spain. The boys didn’t have a concert until tomorrow but they were doing a sound check today.

“Hi, I wanna go wherever there are a lot of stores for me to shop in.” She smiled at him again. Obviously there was nothing wrong with her Spanish. The driver laughed at her request.

“Of course miss. I know just where to take you.”
He drove her right to one of the biggest shopping centres she ever seen and she couldn’t help to smile. 'This must be heaven,' she thought.

“Thank you,” she said to the driver and paid him.

“You’re welcome miss. Have a nice day.” She got out of the car and looked around. 'Jo should really be here now.' She felt a quick feeling of guilt as she thought of Nick. 'He’s gonna be so mad.' She shook the feeling away and started her shopping. It was a big city, no one was gonna recognise her as Nick Carter’s girlfriend.


Before she knew it the clock was four in the afternoon. 'Damn. Nick is probably on his way home now from the venue.' She took her bags and walked towards the place the driver had dropped her off to get a hold on a cab to drive her back to the hotel. 'Maybe I should call Nick and let him now where I am. He’s gonna be worried if I’m not home when he gets there.' She opened her purse to take out her cell phone only to realise she forgot it back at the hotel. “Shit. Now what?” There were a lot of people around her and she had a hard time getting a cab. Everyone wanted one just now.


Suddenly she saw a woman standing infront of her. Her eyes were full of hate and Lina instantly realised who it was. She was standing eye to eye with the stalker. Her entire body froze with fear and all she could think of was to protect the baby. The woman threw herself towards her and before she had the chance to call for help she felt a burning pain in her shoulder. She fell down on the ground still holding a hand over her belly. The woman disappeared in the crowd and Lina screamed for help. A man ran up to her and held her.

“Just lay still, you’re bleeding. I’m gonna call an ambulance.” He reached for his phone in the pocket and called.

“I need Nick...” she whispered. She could barely talk from the pain. She felt the wound with her hand and she got blood everywhere.

“Don’t touch it,” the man said. “I’m Carlos, and I’m gonna help you. Could you tell me your name?”

“Lina, please call Nick...” she said again.

“Okay Lina. Who is Nick? Your husband?”

“My boyfriend, can you please call him?”

“Of course, what’s his number?” She gave him the number and he dialled it. Before he pressed okay he said, “Don’t speak right now, you need all the strength you can get. The ambulance will be here soon.”

She leaned her head on Carlos shoulder and started to drift away, she could barely keep her eyes open. All she thought about was Nick and the baby.


“Hi. Is this Nick?”

“Yes. Who is this?”

“My name is Carlos. I’m here with your girlfriend Lina... she’s been stabbed.”

“What? Where is she?” Nick yelled. His heart almost stopped from fear. 'This can’t be happening,' he thought.

“She’s on her way to the hospital soon. I hear the ambulance coming now.” Carlos gave him the name of the closest hospital.

“I’ll meet you there.” Nick hung up the phone and rushed out of the hotel. In the lobby he bumped into Jo.

“Hey, what’s the rush?” Jo asked. She saw the look on Nick’s face and realised something was wrong.

“It’s Lina... she’s been stabbed.” He whispered.

“Oh my god, I’ll come with you.” Jo gave him a hug as she rushed outside with him.

“Thanks.” Nick said and he felt tears running down his cheek. “I don’t know what I’ll do if I lose her.”

“Were not gonna lose her, okay!” Jo sounded confident, but her insides were a big knot of fear.


They got the hold of a cab and drove off to the hospital. Nick didn’t say a word, all he could think about was Lina and their baby. 'Please let them be alive,' he thought as he stared out the window. Jo was worried to death but she realised she had to tell the others what happened. She called Kevin, and he decided to join them at the hospital with the others.


Nick rushed into the hospital with Jo right behind them.

“Hi, I need to know where Lina Carlson is.” Nick said to the receptionist. “She’s been stabbed.”

“She’s in surgery right now.”

“What, oh god, please tell me she’s gonna be okay. What about the baby?”

“I’m sorry, you’ll have to wait out here for the doctor.”

“Damn it.” He slammed his hand on the disk.

“Take it easy Nick.” Jo tried to calm him. “Sit down with me.” She led him to the waiting area and they sat down.

“I can’t lose her Jo, I can’t.” Nick broke down and cried. Jo felt tears in her own eyes as she saw Nick. She thought about her friend and the baby. 'She doesn’t deserve this. They don't deserve this.'


After a while the rest of the guys, Kristin and Leigh were there too. They all sat in the waiting room. Nick wandered the hall not able to sit still. He thought he was going crazy from the waiting. A moment later the doctor came out.

“Which one of you is Nick Carter?” he asked

“I am.” Nick said and looked nervous. “Is she okay?”

“She’s fine. She was stabbed in the shoulder and some muscles were torn. But I think she’s gonna be completely recovered in a couple of weeks.”

“And the baby?” Nick held his breath waiting for the answer.

“The baby is fine too.” The doctor smiled at him. “She’ll be waking up soon.”

“Can I see her?”

“Yes, but only one visitor tonight.” Nick and Jo looked at each other. Both of them wanted to be there.

“You go and see her,” Jo said. “She needs you. I’ll be here tomorrow.”

“Thank you Jo.” He hugged her and then walked into Lina’s room.


Lina had just woke up and she felt all groggy. She saw Nick as he walked in and she smiled.

“Hi baby,” she whispered.

“Oh, honey!” Nick came up to her with tears in his eyes. “I was so worried. I thought I lost you.”

“I’m okay, how’s the baby?”

“The baby’s just fine.” He smiled and kissed her softly.

“I’m sorry Nick.”

“For what?”

“For going out without the security guard.”

“Don’t worry about that now, okay baby?”

“I saw her, the woman that has been following me. She did this.”

“What! Are you sure?”

“I’m sure.”

He hugged her carefully not wanting her to see the anger in his eyes. If he got a chance he would kill the one that did this to her.

“Go to sleep again Lina, you need to rest.”

“I don’t wanna be alone.”

“Don’t worry, I’m not leaving you. But I have to talk to the police for a moment. I promise I’ll be back soon. I love you.” He kissed her on the forehead and smiled when he saw that she was already asleep.


The police were working on the case and were optimistic of finding the woman since Lina gave a good description of her face. She was released from the hospital the next day since they were leaving for Madrid that evening. Neither Jo nor Nick left her alone at any time and she was constantly surrounded by security guards. It was driving her crazy, but she was afraid of being alone too. Everything felt just hopeless. 'I can’t believe this is happening to me,' she thought as she sat in the bus taking them to Lisbon, Portugal. It was the last stop before they would return home again. She’d been avoiding Nick since she came back from the hospital. He noticed that something was wrong, but his caring only made it worse. She wanted him and loved him but she still couldn’t see how she could live her life the way he needed her too. 'But how do you tell someone that?' she wondered and felt the tears running down her face.

Jo was everything but happy. Lina was injured, her relationship to Alex was still no good and everything felt like a mess. She was getting dressed to go to the venue in Portugal, where they were to watch the final concert of the European leg, then go out to celebrate. Baylee was in the safe hands of his grandmother, and Jo had been ordered to come to the venue.


"I really don’t feel like going to the concert. I’d rather stay here." A soft knock on the door interrupted her muttering, and she quickly zipped up the white dress she’d chosen for the evening and ran to open it. When she did, her first reaction was to close it again, but it seemed as if he’d read her thoughts. He put his foot in the way, forced his way into the room.

“Alex? Shouldn’t you be at the sound check?”

“Done it already.”

“Well then, shouldn’t you be getting ready for the show?”

“I am ready. See?” He twirled around, and she noticed he did have the clothes for the first set on.

“Ok, let me make myself clear: Why on earth are you here?”

“I was thinking about what you said the last time we talked. Well, someone made me think about it.”

“Oh, and who would that be? Ashley?”

“Nope. My mother. She was there when you came in, and she’s spent every moment she’s awake since then to make me talk to you.”

“Oh, so you’re here because your mother is forcing you? Well, you should have picked a better time. I have to get ready.”

“I’ll be here until you talk to me.”

“I’ll talk, don’t worry about that. Spill, then.” She walked back to the mirror, started brushing her hair.

“I love you, Jo. I really do. I’ve been too proud and too scared to admit that. It killed me to see you with Ryan. And I don’t like that feeling, so I turned it into anger instead. I love you.”

“I... I don’t know what to say.” She put down her hairbrush, turned to face him.

“Then don’t talk. I know I’ve hurt you, I know you’re disappointed, I know... And I’m sorry. Really, truly sorry. I never wanted to let you go in the first place. You know that.” He looked up at her from his place on the couch, those deep brown eyes dug their way into her soul, and she could feel her heart breaking once again.

“Yes. It was me... I couldn’t take it all. Looking back on it, I can see that I was wrong, but at the time... I felt like I had no other options.” She wiped away a tear that had made it’s way down her cheek.

“I understand. Would you please just come over here and kiss me now?”

She smiled. “I guess I could.” She walked over to him, took his hands and pulled him up so he was standing in front of her. Never letting go of his eyes she kissed him softly. “I love you, Alex.”

He pulled her closer, kissed her again, a deep heartfelt kiss that made her knees weak. “I love you too, Jo.”

“We should go. Let me just put my hair up.”

“Nope. You should wear it like that, only...” he messed her hair up. “There. It’s beautiful. You are beautiful. Let’s go. I have a limo waiting outside.”

“Going in style, are we Mr. McLean?”

“Hell yeah!”


“Do you know what made me realise this was going to be ok?” Alex asked, comfortably leaning against the seat of the limo, his arm around Jo.

She laughed. “No? Tell me!”

“The shoes. You’re wearing the shoes I gave you.”

“Yep, I am. I love them, but I don’t have many opportunities to wear them. Figured this was a good one.”

“It is.” He kissed her, a deep kiss that lasted until they got to the venue. They both went in the backstage door, and Jo started her search for Lina, Leighanne and Kristin after kissing Alex goodbye. She spotted the girls and got the help of Big Joe to get to them. She sat down and smiled at them, just as the lights went out and the opening act entered the stage. She clapped along with everyone else, and sunk deeper in her chair to enjoy the concert. She laughed along with the rest of the crowd as they showed the ending of the Just Want You To Know-video. Then she stiffened in her seat as she heard the words that were said on stage.

“There’s someone I dedicate this one to. I know I’ve been a jerk, and I wanna make it up to her. Joanna. Sing it, Bri.”

Jo heard the opening chords to her favourite song off Never Gone, then Brian started singing.


“Everybody knows that I was such a fool to ever let go of you
And baby I was wrong
And yeah I know I said we'd be better off alone
It was time that we moved on
I know I broke your heart, I didn't mean to break your heart
But baby here I am,”


Jo felt tears coming out, and there was nothing she could do to stop them. She had goose bumps all over her body. Then the rest of the boys sang along with Brian, but all she could hear was Alex’s voice. He was looking in her direction, waving his hand as he sang.


“Banging on your front door
My pride spilled on the floor
My hands and knees are bruised and I'm crawling back to you
Begging for a second chance
Are you gonna let me in?
I was running from the truth and now I'm crawling back to you.”


Jo felt Lina’s hand taking hers, and she hugged it tightly. Nick started singing, and she could feel Lina’s hand shaking in hers.


“I know you’re in there and you can make me wait, but I'm not gonna wait
It's the that least I could do, just to tell you face to face
I was lying to myself, now I'm dying in this hell
Girl I know you're mad
I can't blame you for being mad
But baby here I am, “


Alex’s voice joined Nicks, and Jo and Lina looked at each other and let out a high-pitched scream.


“Banging on your front door
My pride spilled on the floor
My hands and knees are bruised and I'm crawling back to you
Begging for a second chance
Are you gonna let me in?
I was running from the truth and now I'm crawling back to you”


Nick sang out with all his power, sending chills up and down the spine of both Lina and Jo.


“If you could see these tears I’m crying
Touch these hands that can't stop shaking
Hear my heart that’s barely beating
You would see a different man...
Tell her, Alex!”


He screamed out the last part, and Alex just smiled and headed for the side of the stage, where he knew Jo was sitting, singing softly, and the entire venue fell silent.


“But baby here I am,
Banging on your front door
My pride spilled on the floor
My hands and knees are bruised
And”


The rest of the boys joined in with him, and he smiled and waved at Jo. The crowd woke up again and screamed at the top of their lungs, as did Jo.


“I'm crawling back to you
I'm begging for a second chance
Are you gonna let me in?
I was running from the truth and now I'm crawling back to you
Banging on your front door
My pride spilled on the floor
I was running from the truth and now I'm crawling back to you”


As they finished the song Lina handed Jo a pack of tissues, but took three out first, giving them to Leighanne and Kristin, and taking one for herself.

“That was... amazing! Did he just do this out of the blue?” Lina screamed over the noise.

“Well, we talked before the show... but I had no idea.”

“You talked? Jo, that’s great!” Lina turned to Leigh, who was sitting next to her, and screamed. “They’ve talked!”

Leigh looked at Jo, who nodded, and smiled giving her two thumbs up.


They enjoyed the rest of the concert, then headed backstage. As soon as Jo laid eyes on Alex she began to cry again. She ran up to him and threw herself in his arms.

“I love, you, I love you, I love you. That was beautiful. Oh my GOD!”

He just smiled at her, wiping the tears away from her cheeks. “I love you too. Jo, there’s someone I’d love for you to meet.” He turned around and waved at an older woman. Jo recognized her immediately. The woman came up to them, both of her hands stretched out to Jo.

“Hello, dear. You must be Jo. I’m Denise McLean, Alex’s mother.”

“Hi! Yes I’m Jo. It’s so nice to meet you!”

“Ditto!”

The two women talked while Alex went into the dressing room to shower and change. When he came out again he smiled at his mother. “I’m so sorry mum, but I have got to steal Jo away from you. I need to talk to her. Go with the others, and we’ll catch up with you guys at the restaurant.” He took Jo’s hand and dragged her away, out of the venue and into a waiting limo.

“Alex? Where are we going?”

“You’ll see. It’s not far.”

When the limo stopped he got out before her, helped her out.

“We’re back at the hotel? Why?”

“Shh. No questions. Just come with me.” He lead her through the lobby, and through another door, out into the hotel garden. The pool was glistening dimly in the light of hundreds of candles, there was a hammock and a guitar.

Jo gasped. “It’s beautiful.”

“You wanna sit down with me for a while?” Alex smiled.
She couldn’t answer, just nodded. They sat down in the hammock, and he picked up the guitar, played a few soft chords on it, then started singing.

“Opposites attract, chemicals react. Like when I look at you. Deserts neither rain, fires feed the flame. You can't deny what's true. I can't help the way I feel. Cause you got me, yeah. All these elements are real. They come from deep within me.”

She smiled. “Just like that first time...”

“Yeah. Just like that first time. I wanted it that way. Just to erase all the shit that has been going on in between. I want it to be like the first time we kissed. When we were in Sweden I talked to your father, when you and your mother were in the ladies room. I asked him for his permission and blessing for me to propose to you.”

He pulled a jewellery box out of his pocket and got down on one knee in front of her.

“So will you? Joanna, will you make me the happiest man in the world and marry me?”

Jo just stared at him for a moment, then smiled at him, tears again welling up in her eyes. “Yes! Of course! Oh, Alex, I love you!” She threw herself around his neck, hugging him tightly. He pulled her down so she sat on his lap and kissed her.

“I love you too.” He opened the box and took out the ring, a thin platinum band with one large diamond in the middle, and tiny ones sprinkled all around it. His hands were shaking when he slid it onto her finger.

“Oh my god. It’s beautiful. And it fits perfectly. I love it. I love you!”

“I love you too. Should we go tell the others and celebrate?”

“I think we should.”

Lina was lying on her bed doing nothing. She couldn’t stop thinking about her and Nick. He had been so understanding lately and it drove her crazy. He acted like she was made out of glass. She just wanted to forget about the awful things that’d happened. Why couldn’t he? She didn’t wanna be with someone who thought she couldn’t take care of herself. She’d made up her mind about staying with Nick despite the life she would be forced to live and it hadn’t been an easy decision to make, but she’d be damned if she would let him go on treating her like a child who needed protection from everything. She knew she had to talk to him about it but she didn’t know how to make him understand.


They were gonna look for a house but for now they were both living with Brian and Leighanne until they’d find a place of their own.


“Lina honey, are you here?” Nick yelled from downstairs. He sounded upset so she got up to answer him.

“Yeah, I’m up here, what is it?”

“You have to see this. I can’t believe those damn reporters.” She walked down the stairs seeing Nick holding a newspaper and shaking with anger.

“Calm down, baby. Why are you so upset?”

“Because I hate fucking reporters! That’s why. Look at this.” He handed her the newspaper and she gasped from chock when she saw the article. There was a huge picture of her with her arm in a bandage and bruises in her face with a horrifying head line.


“Backstreet Nick has done it again.”


The article said that Nick had hit his new girlfriend and was repeating his old behaviour from his relationship with Paris.

“I don’t believe this,” she said still looking at the article.

“I’m so gonna sue them.” Nick said he’s voice low and full of anger.

“This is gonna be okay baby. We’ll just do a press conference where I deny it all.”

“Not gonna happen, I don’t want you in the spotlight again after what happened in Spain.”

“Come on Nick. This has to stop,” she said in a high pitched voice.

“What?”

“This. You’re treating me like a child. I know what has happened. I was there remember? But you have to let this go. I can’t live my life constantly hiding.”

“I just want you to be safe.”

“I know, but you’re driving me crazy here.”

“I don’t care, I ‘m not doing a press conference, there’s too much people around.”


They were both staring angrily at each other. He didn’t understand why she was reacting like this. All he wanted was to protect her.

“I don’t understand Lina. All I want is for you and the baby to be safe.”

“Well maybe I don’t wanna be safe. I just wanna live a normal life,” she yelled at him. All the insecurity of her ability to live her life like this came rushing up again.

“Well you knew who I was from the beginning,” Nick yelled back.

“I know, but I’m tired of this, I don’t want to live my life constantly afraid. And I don’t want you constantly trying to protect me. I want a life. Why can’t you see that?”

“I understand that. I’m just saying that your life is different now.”

“I know that, and it’s driving me crazy.” She slammed the paper on the table and ran upstairs.

Nick looked at her running away not knowing what to do. Her words felt like knives in his heart. Didn’t she want him anymore? He was afraid of the answer.


Angry and upset he decided to go out. He slammed the door behind him and went to a new club down town and drank a couple of beers. All he could think of was Lina. 'She can’t leave me,' he thought. 'I won’t survive without her.'


“Hi there,” he heard a familiar voice behind him. He turned around and looked into a pair of blue eyes.

“Hi Paris.” He had a hard time focusing. The beers made him all dizzy.

“So why are you here all by yourself?” She sat down next to him putting her hand on his shoulder.

“Back off Paris.”

“In a bad mood huh? Trouble in paradise?”

“That’s none of your business.”

“Let me comfort you Nicky, you know I can make you forget all about her.” She leaned closer and before he had the chance to react he felt her lips on his. For a brief moment he kissed her back not noticing the flash from a camera.

Jo hung up her phone, put it back in her pocket and cursed under her breath.

“What did you say Jojo?”

“Oh, nothing Baylee. Come here you.” She put her arms around him and hugged him. He kissed her on the cheek and ran back over to the corner where he’d been sitting with all his toys.

“Play, Jojo!”

“Yeah. I’ll play with you.” She walked over to him and sat down on the floor, listening to him talk about his toys. Then he started singing, and she joined him, watched as he danced around the room. But nothing could keep her mind off of the call she’d just got. Her mother had called her, telling her the date of Andy’s trial. She should be booking tickets and making arrangements to go home, but she just couldn’t bring herself to do it. Her horrible experience with Andy was over, she was just hoping to forget it and move on, and this was the only thing keeping her from doing so. She wanted to enjoy being newly engaged and spend time with Alex, but now she had to go to Sweden. She got to her feet and turned on the radio to play some music for Baylee.

“Be good now. I’m going downstairs to check what we should make for dinner.”

“Okay!” He kept dancing around as she walked out of the room. She could hear voices from the living room, Alex and Brian were in there playing the piano and singing. She recognized the tune that Alex had been working on before they had gone on the tour, so she stopped in the doorway and listened to the words, how their voices were woven together in perfect harmony.

“I’m going crazy, Living this way, Need you here, Please come back and stay. Stay with me, with me, Just stay with me.”

Alex played the final notes, to accompany Brian as he finished “Come back and sta-ay”. Jo was speechless. She had goosebumps all over, and she rubbed her arms to make them go away. Alex looked up and saw her standing there.

“Hey! Did you hear that?” he smiled as she nodded.

“It was beautiful.”

“I wrote the words in London. It’s... for you. So far it goes by ‘Joanna’s song.’”

“Oh, baby. I love it. I love you.” She took him in her arms and hugged him tight.

“I love you too. Just don’t get too excited. If we ever put it on an album it will probably be called Come Back And Stay.”

“Just shut up. I don’t care about that,” she laughed and kissed him.

“Ahem... I’ll go check on my son.” Brian laughed. “Love the song, man.”

“You don’t have to go... I was just on my way down to the kitchen to check what I should cook for dinner.” She blushed.

“I’ll go up anyways.” He smiled and left the room.

“Yey! He’s gone! Let’s...”

Brian stuck his head back in the room, a big smile on his face. “Nope, let’s not. There are children in the house, Bone.”

Alex just laughed. “Alright then. Cook. Kitchen. Come on.” He grabbed her hand and pulled her across the hallway, into the kitchen.


As they were looking through the fridge for something edible, Jo decided it was time to tell Alex about Sweden.

“I got a call from my mother today. I have to go home. The trial is a week from tomorrow.”

“Really?” He looked at her. “So, when are we going?”

She bit her lip. “I haven’t got the ticket yet. But I’m going as soon as possible.”

“What do you mean? You’re going? As in I’m not?”

“Yes.”

“You can’t do it alone, Jo.”

“I won’t be alone. I’ve got my parents.”

“Are you sure? Because I wanna be there with you.”

“You’ve just got home from the tour. You’ve been travelling for two months. This is your time to just chill, be at home.”

“Jo... You do realise I’m not at home now, don’t you? I’m living with a friend, because you’re there. What should I do? Go to Florida?”

“You should do whatever you wanna do.”

“I wanna be with you.”

“Listen. You couldn’t take it when I told the police what had happened. And you’re gonna sit through a trial, where every aspect of it is brought up?”

“Yes. I’m sorry I turned away then, but I had to. I couldn’t listen to you talking about it, because I was afraid I’d go look for him and kill him.”

“He’s gonna be in the room this time. And you can’t kill him in a courtroom. You just can’t.”

“I know that. Geez, Jo. I have to be there.”

“No. You’re not coming, and that’s it.”

“At least bring Lina. You need someone there with you.”

“It doesn’t matter. I’m gonna be all alone when they interrogate me anyway. And I’ll be fine. It will be ok, I promise!”

“Lina.”

She knew that he’d made his mind up, so she sighed and decided to accept it. “Ok, I’m bringing Lina. If she can go, that is. If not, I’m going alone.”

“But...”

She cut him off. “No buts. No and’s, or’s or whatever’s. That’s it.”

Unwilling to fight with her he smiled. “Fine! How about chicken?”

“I’m no chicken...” she just stared at him when he chuckled.

“No, princess, you’re not. For dinner?”

“Oh... Yeah, that works for me!” she smiled and gave him a light kiss on the cheek. “Sorry. Just a bit tense.”

“It’s ok.”


They prepared dinner together, and as the chicken was in the oven getting ready Jo tried to find Lina. She was nowhere to be found, so Jo called her.

“Lina.”

“Hey girl, where are you? I’ve been looking for you!”

“Nick took me out.”

“Oh... My mother called. I have to go to Sweden for the trial. Will you please come with me?”

“Yeah, of course I will. When?”

“The trial is a week from tomorrow, so sometime before that. Haven’t got us the tickets yet. I will now though, and then I’ll call you, ok?”

“Do that! Wait. What about Alex?”

“Not coming. Talk to you later!” Jo hung up before Lina had the chance to say anything else. She called the airline and got the tickets, they were leaving in five days, and then she went down to the kitchen again. Leighanne was there, and she was taking the chicken out of the oven.

“Hey, you shouldn’t do that.”

“It’s alright, I’ve got it.” Leighanne put the chicken down on the counter.

“Look... I need some time off... to go to Sweden. The trial and all that.”

“Sure. When are you leaving?”

“Friday. The trial starts next Monday.”

“No problem. You bringing Alex?”

“No, but Lina’s coming with me.”

Leighanne frowned and sat down on a chair. “He’s not coming? Why?”

“I told him not to.” Jo sat down as well, leaning her elbows on the table, and his her face in her hands. “I don’t want him to have to go through it.”

“So you’ll just do it alone then? Jo, that’s not a good idea...” She was interrupted by Brian, Baylee and Alex entering the kitchen.

“Food! We smell food! Is it done?” Brian laughed and lifted Baylee onto his shoulders.

Jo smiled. “Yeah. Just help me set the table.”

Nick lay in bed looking at Lina as she was sleeping. 'I can’t believe what happened the other night. She can never find out. I’ll loose her forever,' Nick thought to himself.

“Hey baby,” she said and looked up at him.

“Hey,” he whispered and gave her a soft kiss.

“I’m hungry.” Lina jumped out of bed and put on her robe.

“But it’s only 6AM.”

“I know but the baby needs food... I’ll be right back.” She walked out into the hallway and made her way into the kitchen. When she'd made a sandwich she decided to go outside and get the morning paper. As she picked up the paper she saw the headlines:


"Paris and Nick back at it!!!"


Under it was a huge picture of Paris and Nick kissing. Lina froze as she saw the picture.
'This has to be a mistake,' she tried to convince herself. But she recognized the t-shirt Nick was wearing. She’d bought it for him. Without thinking she ran upstairs and she flung the door open.

“What the hell is this?” She threw the paper on Nick. He looked at the paper and when he saw the headline his face turned pale. “Answer me!”

“Baby, I don’t know what to say...”

“What the hell happened?”

“I ran into her at a bar and...”

“And you kissed her," she interrupted him. “God you’re such a pig.”

“I didn’t kiss her, she kissed me.”

“Yeah you sure look like you’re not kissing her.”

“Please, you have to believe me, I was drunk and before I knew it she kissed me.”

“Whatever, I don’t wanna hear it. I don’t even wanna look at you,” she said and walked out of the room. For a while she just stood in the hallway without knowing what to do. She felt like her heart had been ripped out of her body and she had tears burning in the back of her eyes. Then she saw Jo’s door and went over to knock on it. Without waiting for an answer she stepped inside.

“Jo, wake up.”

“I am awake, and you are just walking in here, god, I’m naked, get out of here!”

“Nick kissed Paris.”

“Alex wake up, get out of here, now. Get dressed first though, we got company.”

“Huh?”

“You heard me, get out.”


Lina broke down into tears and sat down on the couch. Alex got out of bed with only a sheet around him. He grabbed his clothes on his way out but stopped next to Lina and asked her what was going on.

“Nick kissed Paris.”

“Now?”

Jo felt her temper rising. “Of course now, why would she upset about him kissing Paris ages ago?”

“I’ll talk to him.” Alex said and walked out of the door and into Nick’s room.

As Alex left the room Jo sat down next to Lina and held her as she cried.

“I trusted him Jo, how could he do this to me?”

“I don’t know... and I’m so sorry.”

“I don’t wanna see him ever again.”

“Don’t say that, you have to talk to him. You two are so good together”

“What is there to talk about? We’re obviously not that good. He kissed her!”


Alex walked into Nick’s room without knocking.

“What the hell man, why are you screwing this up? Lina is the best thing that ever happened to you and you go out cheating on her with Paris?” he asked and stared at Nick. Nick just sat there with his head in his hands.

“I swear man she kissed me before I had the chance to react. I was drunk, I had a fight with Lina and I got out having some beers that’s all.”

“Doesn’t look like that’s all.”

“God I need to talk to her and make her understand.”

“I don’t think she wanna talk to you. She’s with Jo crying right now.”

“I can’t lose her.”

“I wish I could say that you aren’t but I can’t. You really messed up this time.”


Lina spent the rest of the day in Jo’s room refusing to talk to Nick. All she could think about was the picture of him kissing Paris. 'Why did he do this to me?' she thought. 'I thought we were perfect together.'


She heard a soft knock on the door and she saw Brian standing in the doorway.

“Can I come in?”

“Sure.”

“How are you feeling?”

“I feel like shit...” she said and broke down in tears again. “How could he?”

“I don’t know Lina, all I know is that he loves you and he’s feeling so bad about this. Are you sure you won’t talk to him?”

“I don’t wanna talk to him, okay!?”

“I understand. I just thought I would try. I understand how you’re feeling. To be honest I don’t know what I would do if Leighanne did something like this.” He gave her a hug and slowly left the room.


The following two days felt like two years. All she wanted was to go home with Jo and be alone. She knew Nick was in the same house as her but she kept on refusing to see him and when it was time to leave for Sweden she got in the car without even looking at him.


“Lina wait!” Before she had closed the door Nick came up to her.

“I know you don’t wanna talk to me, but I need you to know that I love you.” He looked at her with tears in his eyes and she almost melted until she saw the picture infront of her again as she looked into his eyes.

“You have a funny way of showing it.”

“I’ll do anything to get you back.”

“Then let me go, I need time Nick. I don’t know if we have a future anymore, I can’t trust you.” Without another word she closed the door and waited for Jo to join her so they could get to the airport.

Jo sighed and looked out into the darkness outside the airplane window. Lina was asleep in the seat next to her, but Jo couldn’t sleep. She was too nervous about the days that were to come, having to go through it all again. She was worried that it would tear up old wounds that had begun to heal. At the same time she was more than happy to send Andy to jail. More than happy. She sighed again, shifted in the uncomfortable seat. 'It’s weird how fast you get used to flying first class...' she thought. She saw little dots of light far down, and wondered what city it could be they were flying over. She got her answer when the captain’s voice came through the speakers, announcing that they were now coming close to Stockholm, and asked them to please put on their seatbelts and sit up in their chairs. Lina woke with a groan.

“We’re there already? God this was fast.” She strapped on her seatbelt.

“Wonder why it felt short to you?” Jo raised an eyebrow and smiled.

“I’m so sorry hun, but I just can’t seem to stay awake for more than five minutes nowadays. My little girl is a tiresome one.” She smiled again and rubbed her belly.


The landing went smoothly, and before they knew it they had got their bags and were walking out into the arrival hall.

“Joanna! Lina!” Familiar voices shouted at them, and they turned around and saw their relatives.

“Mum, Dad!” Jo ran up to them and hugged them tightly.

“Jo, sweetheart, it’s so good to see you!”

“It’s so good to see you too! I’ve missed you guys!”

“Let’s see what he got you, that young man of yours.” Tina lifted Jo’s hand and looked at the ring. “My God. It’s perfect! Stephan, look!” Her father looked at the ring and smiled.

“I’ve seen it before.”

“What?” Jo and her mother gasped in unison.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Tina looked up at her husband.

“I didn’t wanna ruin the fun for you.” He smiled again. “So, why isn’t he with you? We were looking forward to meeting him again.”

“I told him not to come. I’ll explain it later. Right now I just can’t wait to come home.”

“Then let’s go.” Lina and her mother joined them as they walked through the hall. All of a sudden there were people all around them, flashing cameras and reporters with tape recorders and notebooks shooting questions at them.

“Joanna! Lina! Where do you have the boys? Why aren’t they with you? Is it true that you’re engaged to AJ McLean, Joanna? Lina, do you know what sex the baby is? When are you due? When is the wedding? Are you looking forward to the trial? What do you think the outcome is going to be?”


Jo was dumbstruck. She had come to expect the fuss when she was on tour, but she thought it would be different when she was on her own. Her father protected the two girls and Tina turned to the reporters.

“Our daughters have no comments to your questions, but as a mother I’ll give you a statement from me and her father. We are looking forward to the trial, because we want to send who did this to our daughter to prison for eternity. We are however not happy that our daughter has to relive what she went through again. That’s it, folks. Now get lost so we can go home.”

Jo couldn’t help but laugh as they got into the car. “Way to go, Mom!”


The weekend went by fast, Jo enjoyed the time she had with her parents, met her friends and even went out dancing with them one evening. On Sunday night she couldn’t sleep at all, just lay in bed staring at the ceiling, feeling as if Monday would never come. A part of her hoped that it wouldn’t, the other couldn’t wait. When she finally fell asleep she had nightmares about Andy, she relived the entire evening and all the terror she had felt. She woke up at five thirty, too scared to go back to sleep, so she got up and decided to take a shower. When she came down to the kitchen to have some breakfast, her father was already sitting at the table with a cup of coffee and the morning paper. He looked up and smiled at her.

“Morning. There’s coffee on the counter. You get some sleep?”

Jo shook her head and grabbed a mug from the cupboard. “A little. Nightmares.”

“I see. You’re front page news, sweetie.” He folded the paper up and slid it across the table to her seat. She sat down and looked at it. A picture of her and Alex covered the front page, a new picture where they were walking around Atlanta hand in hand. A blurry enlargement showed her free hand, with her ring barely visible. The headline read “Local girl engaged to Backstreet superstar AJ McLean.” And underneath it a smaller text “Joanna back in Sweden to testify against rapist-ex boyfriend.” A smaller picture showed her and Andy, their arms around each other, she was smiling, and she knew he was too, even though his face had been blurred. She opened the paper and read her story, that they called a fairytale, where the girl from nowhere meets prince Charming, they fall in love and live happily ever after. They had interviewed some “close friend”, who talked about Jo’s relationship with Andy and her being a fan of the Backstreet Boys. There were more paparazzi pictures showing her and Alex in different places, always looking happy and in love, and her heart felt as if it was growing in her chest. 'Why did I make him stay at home?' she thought and felt tears rising in her eyes.

“Jo? Are you ok?”

“I just miss Alex. I shouldn’t have... I want him here.”

“I understand that sweetheart. We’ll be there for you today. Don’t worry.”

Jo took her father’s hand across the table. “I know. Thank you. I wonder who’s talked about me...”

“Don’t think about that now. Focus on what we have to do today. Nail him.”


Jo’s stomach was filled with butterflies as she entered the court room. She sat down next to her lawyer and sighed, looking through the audience for support from familiar faces. Lina wasn’t there, she was going to testify and wasn’t allowed in the room. But her mother and father were there, some of her friends, and there were two more faces that looked familiar. A guy that looked just like Alex was sitting next to her mother. He raised his hand and blew her a kiss, and it dawned on her that it wasn’t a lookalike, it WAS Alex! And Nick was sitting next to him, waving with a slightly guilty look on his face. Behind them were Big Joe and Poppa K, also waving at her. She felt tears burning her eyes, but refused to let them fall. Then a side door opened, and Andy was led into the room. He had on a grey sweatsuit, and was handcuffed. Jo stared at him, feeling all of the hatred she’d built up against him boiling inside. He looked tired and his hair was messy. She stood up with the others as the judge entered the room, then sat down again with an icy calm feeling in her gut. 'I’m gonna get through this. I have to.'


Andy was called to the stand first, and told the same story as he had on the tape that the police had showed to Jo. His lawyer asked him a line of questions, and he answered them with smiles and lies. Jo felt as if she was falling apart. Then her lawyer got to his feet and stared at Andy where he was sitting.

“You say that you love her. Still you rape her and beat her unconscious. Why?”

Andy smiled confidently. “That’s the way she liked it. Rough. I admit that I got out of hand with that unfortunate hit to the temple, but other than that, it was your regular Friday night at our house.”

Jo looked over at Alex, who was sitting in his seat with interpreting headphones on. He looked up at the last statement and shook his head at her.

“He’s full of shit!” he mouthed at her, and she nodded slightly.

“So she wanted to be beaten black and blue by you? She liked it?”

Andy’s smile shifted from confident to cocky. “She liked it. She wanted me to.”

“Why were you at the Globe?”

“I was there to see the Backstreet Boys. And as soon as she touched Swedish ground she called me, begged me to come. Said she still hadn’t forgotten about me, or stopped loving me. So I was there for two reasons. First the concert, then to meet her. Plus I live like five minutes from there.”

“You were in the US earlier this year. Why?”

“She wanted me to come.”

“So she invited you?”

“Yes. She called to invite me.”

“You threatened her at the airport?”

“Yes, her new little boyfriend was there, it was all act to not get caught.”

“It was an act?”

“Yeah.”

“By the way, if you’re such a fan of the Backstreet Boys... Give me their names.”

“Uhh... AJ. ... Brian...”

“Name a song off the latest album?”

“Uhh...”

Jo’s lawyer smiled. “No further questions.”


Next, Jo was called to the stand, and her icy calm remained. She told her story, complete with the kiss on the restaurant, how she’d doubted for a long time if she’d done the right thing to let Andy go, how she’d fallen for Alex and the deep love she had for him, the threat at the airport, and the rape. Andy’s lawyer stood up and looked her in the eyes.

“You went with Andreas to his apartment, even though he’d threatened you.”

“Yes. I didn’t want to think he is a bad person. That would make the seven years we shared a lie. He said he was over me. Told me he wanted closure. I trusted him. Thought I knew him.”

“Did Andreas ever show any tendencies of violence during these seven years you were together?”

“No. he was sweet, loving and caring. We didn’t always get along, we had some huge fights, but he never raised a hand at me.”

“No further questions.” Andy’s lawyer sat down again, a smile on his face.

Jo’s lawyer got to her feet and smiled calmingly at her. “Did Andreas like the Backstreet Boys when you were together?”

Jo shook her head. “No. He hated that I listened to them. He made fun of them, and when Alex was on Oprah he shouted that ‘those gay guys you like are on TV’. So no.”

“Did you call him to say you wanted to meet him on that night?”

“Definitively not. You’ve checked the numbers I called. You’ve checked the calls he took. There’s nothing from me there. He is lying.”

“Then what was your thought when Andreas showed up outside the Globe?”

“I wondered what he was doing there. Then we started talking, and he seemed just like his usual self again. I was happy about that. I wanted him to be happy, like I was.”

“Thank you, Joanna. No further questions.”


Jo returned to her seat and sighed as she sat down. Her lawyer patted her leg under the table.

A voice sounded through the courtroom. “The plaintiffs call witness Leighanne Littrell.” A door opened and Leigh walked in with a smile and a wink at Jo.

Jo's lawyer smiled and got to her feet again. “You’re Ms. Ericks's employer, right?”

“Yes, as well as her close friend.”

“Ms. Ericks have been living with you and your husband, correct?”

“Yes.”

“You felt like you could shed some light on this event. Tell us.”

“I took care of Jo when she came to live with us. She was homesick and longed for her loved ones. She told me about Andy, and how she missed him. She also told me about the fact that she was sure it was the right decision to let him go. She fell for my husband’s band mate, Alexander James McLean, and we talked about this as well. She is deeply in love with Alex, and I have no doubt in my mind that Andy forced himself on her. She was finished with him.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Littrell.” Jo’s lawyer smiled as a police officer showed Leighanne out.

“Plaintiffs call witness Lina Carlson.”

Another door opened and Lina walked out. She got seated and smiled at Jo.

“You are Joanna’s childhood friend?”

“Yes, I am.” Lina told her part of the story, about how Jo had called her, and how she and Nick found her crying in some bushes. “She was terrified. She was shaking and crying, and I’ve never heard of consensual sex that makes you act like that.”

“You met Andy when he came to Atlanta?”

“Yes. He called me, almost crying, and I agreed to meet with him. He asked me to talk to Jo. I said I would, but I didn’t. I saw how happy she was with Alex, and that’s all I wanted for her. To be happy.” Lina started to cry, but she kept talking. “He said that he loved her, and he did this to her.”

She turned to Andy, and Jo could see the hate shooting like red lightning bolts out of her eyes.

“We were friends. I loved you, you know. And I never thought you’d stoop so low. I never thought I would say this to you, of all people, but I hate you. I hate you for what you did to her. You raped her. You tried to kill her. I hope you rot in hell, and if I ever see you near her again...”

“Miss Carlson! This is a court room. Please watch your tongue!” The judge cut her off.

She let her head fall and nodded. The police officer came and escorted her out of the room.

“Defence calls witness Tony Wedin.”

Jo looked up as one of her and Andy’s best friends walked into the room. He didn’t look at anyone of them as he sat down. Andy’s lawyer walked up to him.

“You are friends with Andreas Nilsson, correct?”

“Yes.”

“Has he ever been a violent person?”

“No.”

“Has he ever expressed violent thoughts to you?”

“No, but...”

“Has he ever, as far as you know, thought about raping someone?”

“No, but...”

“Has he...”

“Will you let the witness talk, Mr. Reed?”

“I’m sorry, your honour. Please, proceed.”

“He has never been violent or anything, but lately he’s turned weird. Obsessed, almost.”

“With what?”

“The Backstreet Boys, and Jo.”

“How so?”

“I don’t know, he’s been sitting at the computer searching for information on the band, and they are all he ever talks about. They and Jo. And he hasn’t been saying nice things.”

“You told me he had not expressed violent thoughts.”

“Not violent. Just... offensive and mean. He never stopped talking about how Jo was a bitch to him, or how he hated ‘those gay guys’... We talked about this just a couple of days before he was arrested, me and some other friends, how we were afraid he would do something stupid. He was that far gone. We didn’t recognize him anymore.”

“No further questions.” Andy’s lawyer sat down in his chair with an unhappy look on his face. Andy whispered something to him, but he just bit his teeth together and shook his head.

“That completes our hearings. We will now be adjourned until 14.00. We will have our verdict by then.” The judge rose and walked out, and the police officer took Andy with him and exited. The rest of the people in the room started to walk out as well.. Jo’s lawyer took her hand.

“We’ve got this. You know that right?”

“I hope so. Oh my god. Andy’s parents,” Jo gasped as they came closer. She’d always been close to them, and she feared that they weren’t so fond of her anymore. She took a deep breath, but before she could say anything, Andy’s mother took her in her arms and started crying.

“Oh my God... I’m so sorry Jo! So sorry... I can’t believe he would do this to you.”

Jo didn’t know what to say. She felt the tears coming, and there was no way she could stop them. She broke down crying in Andy’s mother’s arms, and she just rocked her like a baby. Andy’s father put his hand on Jo’s back and gave her a tissue with the other one.

“I know we have to stay by Andy’s side through this, but we feel for you, Jo, and there’s no doubt in our minds that you are telling the truth.”

Jo looked up at him and dried her cheeks. “Thank you. It means the world to me. I still love you guys.”

“We love you too, dear.” Andy’s mother wiped her tears away. “I hear you’re engaged to this AJ?”

Jo held out her hand to show them the ring. “I am. I have to go now, but thank you. I wish you both the best.” She kissed them both on the cheek, then walked away, over to Alex. She fell in his arms and the tears began to fall again. “Thank you for being here. Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

He just smiled and kissed her. “Of course I’m here. I love you. Where else would I be? Come on now, let’s go get some lunch.”


Two hours later they were back in the court room. Jo had Alex by her side, and he held her hand as the judge cleared his throat to read the verdict. He started talking, but Jo couldn’t make out what he was saying. She tried to focus, and succeeded just in time to hear the judge say

“We find the defendant, Carl Andreas Nilsson, guilty of rape and attempted murder. The punishment will be announced in four days.”

She felt as if she was a balloon that someone had let all the air out of. Her legs failed her and the next thing she knew she was laying on the floor staring at the ceiling. Alex was holding her feet up into the air, and her lawyer was kneeling next to her head with a big smile on her face.

“We did it, Jo. We nailed him!”