Every time I breathe I take you in
And my heart beats again
Baby I can't help it
You keep me drowning in your love

New Year’s Eve, 2006
Lexington, Kentucky

Luke was fussy, but then, at the age of three weeks, it was expected that he’d be a bit fussy. Sienna knew that if he would just fall asleep, he would sleep until morning. She rocked him back and forth and sang a lullaby, hoping that he would go to sleep. Luke had downy, dark gold locks, Brian’s nose, according to Jackie, and green eyes that would probably turn hazel down the line.

Sienna couldn’t help but be proud of him and the twins. Each day, they grew more and more, and the twins delighted Brian whenever they learned to do something new. When they had first taken their steps, Kara before Serena, Brian had had his camcorder ready and videotaped everything. He had managed to be there for those big days, Sienna thought, somehow, even though he had also been touring, too.

Looking up, she saw movement in the doorway and smiled at her husband. Brian motioned that he could take the baby, but Sienna shook her head. Knowing his wife’s innate tenacity, Brian shrugged and left.

He wandered into the large master bedroom at the end of the hallway on the second floor of the sprawling home he and Sienna had bought thirteen months ago. Opening the door, he glanced around to make sure the candles were lit and the sparkling cider was chilling in a bucket. It was their first wedding anniversary, and Brian wanted everything to be perfect. As perfect as the last year had been, he mused.

They had welcomed 2006 with friends and family at their wedding reception, and the following months had been pure bliss. They had taken their six-month-old twin daughters to Disney World for the first six days of the new year, which doubled as a honeymoon for them because the twins would fall asleep early, leaving Brian and Sienna to do as they pleased. When they had returned, Brian had had to fly to meet the guys on the Asian leg of the Never Gone tour. As soon as that had ended, he had taken his own band on a promotional tour of his own album. He had tried to persuade Sienna to bring the girls and come with him, but she had refused to leave the shop.

“I’ve been absent from it too many times, Brian. Touring is your life, and the shop is mine. I know you’ll be great, I just need to be here,” she explained.

Brian was frustrated with this argument. They’d had it at least ten times in two months, and she had yet to cave. “I need to be with you guys,” he told her. “What do you want me to do? Stop my own tour and come home?”

“No,” Sienna replied. “I don’t want you giving up your dreams, I think we just need to compromise. I can’t be the perfect celebrity wife, Brian. We’ve built this life, and, if we’re to keep it going, we need to just agree to disagree.”

“I need you, Sienna,” Brian pleaded.

She sighed. “Do you think I don’t need you?! I love you, Brian! I’m your wife! But I have a career and a responsibility here, too. Please, please can we not do this? Can we just let it go? You'll be done the tour soon,” she reminded him.

“Without my supportive wife?” Brian spat. “Oh yeah, you’re real supportive when you don’t show up to cheer me on. You knew what you were getting into, Sienna! Did you think I would never ask you to come with me?”

“Okay! Okay!” she nearly wept from the burden that came from hurting him and denying herself. “I’ll bring the girls the day before the album release. We’ll be there when you release it, but then I’m going home the next day. Please, Brian. Please just accept this because I can’t give in anymore.”

“Okay,” Brian replied after long moments. “We’re going to have to figure out a better way than this, to solve our problems, Sienna.”

“I know, Brian. I know.”

And they had, Brian thought now. Sienna had come for his solo album’s release in late November, but she had refused to come on the tour that had preceded it. He hadn’t gotten angry, he had simply come to accept it. They were two different people who had their own lives, and he had come to respect that. The shop was her dream and singing was his. He had come to understand her side of it because it hadn’t been so different from his. She had been there for him when he had become frustrated by Provident’s refusal to move the date of his album release up from November to June. He had felt ready, but they hadn’t. When he had gotten angry, Sienna had been there for him, and he had realized that she really was giving their marriage everything. After that, he had been more considerate of his demands on her time and had begun to help out around the shop, too.

Brian understood that the twins needed stability, too, and his touring didn’t allow for that. So, he had shortened his tour and come home as soon as had been possible for him. Sienna had argued that he was hurting his fans, but he told her that they would understand if they knew his reasons. So, she had been happy that he was home and life had moved on.

It had been even easier to come home, Brian mused as he brushed some of the rose petals from the bed onto the floor, because Sienna had found out that she was pregnant in May. It had come as a shock to both of them, but, after the initial surprise, they had been thrilled. And despite his demands that she stay home for the album release because she had been immensely pregnant, she had stuck to her promise and stood by his side through everything. Needless to say, the press had lapped it up.

Brian paused his train of thought to listen, and, sure enough, he heard her footsteps down the hall, and, hurrying out of the room and closing the door behind him, he met her in the hallway.

“Hey,” she smiled at him and gave him a quick kiss.

Brian smiled back. “Hey, back to you, too. Is Luke sleeping?” he asked, glancing down the corridor towards the nursery.

“Yeah, finally. He’s going to sleep until the morning, now. He’s such a good baby, Brian. We’ve been really lucky,” she thought aloud.

Brian scooped her into his arms. “Lucky doesn’t even begin to describe it. ‘God has been so good,’” he began to sing then stopped at the look on her face. “What?”

Sienna shook her head. “Don’t start singing your own songs, please, how much of an ego-boost do you really want?” she rolled her eyes playfully.

“I’ll have you know, Mrs. Littrell,” Brian began, lifting her off her feet and carrying her down the hall, “that I only sing my own songs when they are totally applicable. Such as now.” And he pushed open the door before she could answer back.

Sienna blinked in surprise, and Brian waited for her reaction. He didn’t have to wait long.

“Oh, my god!” she nearly squealed. “Brian Thomas Littrell, you amazing man! Did I ever tell you how much I love you?” She looped her arms around his neck and kissed him.

Brian leaned back, smiling. “Happy Anniversary, baby. I thought we could celebrate the new year and our first anniversary here, alone.”

She raised a brow. “Is that why you had Shane take the twins off to his place?”

Brian smiled sheepishly. “You’re so smart, you Ivy League woman you. I knew there was a reason I married you.”

“Oh, really? You married me for my brains, huh?”

Brian shrugged. “Yeah, I figured if you were smart, then our children would be smart, too. You know, genetics.”

Sienna stared at him, then she began to laugh. “I love you, Brian. I love you more than I did the day we were married. I must be the luckiest woman in the world,” she murmured, bringing his lips to hers again.

Brian framed her face gently with his hands. “I love you more today than I did yesterday,” he murmured. “But less than I will tomorrow,” he added and watched the tears fill her eyes. Brushing them away, he pressed his lips to hers and heard her quiet moan.

Stepping back, he linked arms with her and smiled. “So, there’s a whole bunch of things we could do right now,” he began. “There’s dessert because Livvy sent it over when I told her not to, there’s sparkling cider because you’re not allowed alcohol, or we can do both and just spend quality time together,” he finished.

She smiled up at him. “I like the quality time,” she told him. “It feels like every time I turn around, I have to change a diaper, make a bottle or three, and fix something that went wrong at the shop. All at the same time, too,” she added.

Brian poured the sparkling cider into two flutes and handed one to her. “I’d like to make a toast to you, then,” he said, smiling. “To the woman who has made me the man I am today. The woman who could handle a million things and not mess up. To the woman who has given me three of the most amazing miracles in the world. And finally, to the woman who should be in bed because she had surgery done six days ago, but she won’t stay in bed because she believes the world will fall apart without her,” he finished and tapped his glass with hers.

“Oh, very funny,” Sienna scowled. “I can’t stay in bed anymore because I feel fine.” Then her expression softened. “How about to the man who has changed my life in so many ways that I could never be without him for the rest of mine because I would not be the woman I am today without him?”

Brian grinned. “I like that.” And they tapped their glasses to it.

***

Later, after the ball had dropped in Times Square and they had toasted the new year, Brian lifted the champagne flute from her hand and set it on the bedside table.

Sienna smiled lazily. “Last year was incredible. I don’t think I would have had it any other way.” A frown creased her face. “Except maybe one.” And her hand moved toward her lower belly.

Brian brushed her hand aside and lightly traced the bandage that was visible between the tops of her pajama pants and the hem of her top.

“How is it feeling?” he murmured.

Sienna shifted a little. “About as good as it should feel when you’ve had a vital organ removed from your body,” she said flatly.

Brian sighed. “Baby, it’s not your fault. It was better for you to get the hysterectomy than to be damaged inside for who knows how long.”

Luke Aidan Littrell had been born nearly a month early—in breach position. One morning, Sienna had woken to pain and bleeding and had panicked, remembering the time she had miscarried their first child. Terrified that the same thing was going to happen again, Brian had driven her to the hospital where they had found she had placenta abrupta, where the placenta had been torn away from the uterus wall. The result? Sienna had had to undergo surgery under precarious conditions—the doctors hadn’t been sure if the baby would survive. Fortunately, Luke had been born, monitored, and had been perfectly fine.

On Christmas Eve, a week and a half after Brian had brought Sienna and Luke home, Sienna had begun to have massive pain in her abdomen again, so they had rushed her to the emergency room. After various tests, they found that her uterine lining had not healed properly, and doctors agreed that it was permanently damaged. If they left it alone, it would eventually get worse and might lead to uterine cancer. Brian had argued with Sienna for hours, and, finally, they had decided to undergo the hysterectomy.

Suddenly, Sienna sat up and met his blue eyes with hazel ones. “You know what my problem is, Brian?” she asked him seriously.

“What?” Brian wondered, a little confused.

Sienna brushed her hand through her hair. “Do you think I’m a practical woman?” At his nod, she continued. “I think, as a practical woman, it would be obvious that the hysterectomy was the best thing to do. Unfortunately,” she sighed, “the not so practical part of me feels as though I’m less of a woman, now. I feel like I’ve failed somehow,” she ended and looked down at her hands.

Brian tipped her chin up gently. “Sienna, you didn’t fail. Don’t ever think that. We have all the children we need, so God had a greater plan in mind. Besides, do you think it would have been better to be in pain and have it develop into cancer down the line? God, Sienna,” he whispered, leaning his forehead against hers, “do you think I would have made it if something had happened to you?”

She blinked the sudden tears out of her eyes and tried to smile. “No, just like I would never make it if something happened to you.” She shook her head. “Why are we talking about this, now? It’s done, it’s over. I just have to stop feeling so tired all the time and get better. I’ll be fine,” she promised him.

Brian grinned. “I know. You’re a survivor,” he reminded her, wrapping his arms around her and leaning back against the pillows.

“Anyway,” she continued, “last year was crazy and incredible. We had Luke, watched the twins grow, your album is doing well, both tours were fantastic, Kevin and Kristin had a son, and, now, Howie and Livvy are expecting their first child.” She smiled at him. “I’d say that’s a pretty good year all in all, right?”

Brian nodded. “Oh, absolutely. About the only thing to go wrong was Marlena kicking Shane out. Which I still don’t understand, by the way,” he added. Sienna sighed.

After living together for over a year, Marlena, Sienna’s employee and good friend, had finally called it quits with Shane, Sienna’s cousin. She had told him that she couldn’t handle him being out all the time, all over the world, and his constant partying. Though he had never done any wrong, Marlena hadn’t been able to handle his constant absence, which had gnawed at her heart. Sienna understood the feeling, but, when she had tried to explain that a compromise was the best way to go, Marlena had informed her that there was no way they could have compromised because it would have meant that Shane would have to stop the photography he loved so much.

Shane, on the other hand, had been heartbroken. He had loved Marlena, and, even after she had broken up with him, he continued to love her. Lately, he had taken to moping around, stopped partying, and would offer to babysit the children of his siblings or Kara and Serena, Brian and Sienna’s daughters. He had moved into the cottage Sienna had lived in before her marriage and would only leave town to go for photo shoots. Sienna knew that Marlena was “the one” for Shane, and she believed that Marlena still had feelings for him. In the three months since they had split, Sienna had never heard Marlena mention another man or look anything but saddened. She knew that it wasn’t her place to interfere, but she hoped that Marlena would realize her mistake.

Shaking it off, Sienna smiled at Brian. “I don’t think we should worry about them, right now,” she told him and tried to stifle a yawn.

Brian grinned. “Baby, you’re going to fall asleep talking. I think it’s about time we went to sleep, anyway. I promised Shane I’d pick the girls up at nine.”

Sienna stretched a little. “Okay, you’re probably right.”

“Of course, I am. Have you learned nothing yet, woman?” Brian said, haughtily.

Sienna hit him with a pillow. “Oh, pipe down. You’re preventing my beauty sleep.”

Brian raised a brow. “Uh-huh. Okay. Oh, wait!” he stopped her. “Did you take your medicine?” At her groan, he frowned. “Honey, how are you going to get better and not be in pain if you don’t take your medicine?”

Shaking his head, he walked into the bathroom, took out the three different pills she had to take daily for a month, and, pouring a glass of water, carried them back to her. After she had dutifully taken the medicine, but not before she had made a face at him, he crawled back into the bed with her, wrapping his arms around her.

Sienna snuggled into him. “This is good,” she murmured, sleepily. “I have a feeling about this year, Brian. 2007 is going to be our year.”

Brian kissed her forehead. “Yeah,” he whispered as he listened to her breathing even out as she drifted into sleep. He turned off the lamp and looked down at the face that had become so precious to him in the darkened room. “2007 will be our year.”

Time, look where we are and what we've been through
Time, sharing our dreams
Time, goes on and on everyday, baby
Time is what it is
Come what may

Brian frowned down at his cell phone and hit a button to delete the latest voicemail. Leaning his forehead against the balcony of his hotel room window, he looked out at the city of St. Louis. He was on tour for his first solo album, and, once this tour ended, he would have two weeks of time with Sienna and their children before heading out on the tour for the Backstreet Boys’ sixth album. That album had come out mid-January, and Brian’s tour had begun in the first week of February. He had had to push it back from December to February because of Luke’s impending birth. Regardless, he had kept the tour short—only two months.

He watched as late February rains poured water down, blurring his view of the city and making his worried thoughts darker. He’d been receiving strange voicemail messages since the middle of January. The first message had lasted thirty seconds, and the caller had told Brian that he would lose everything he had sooner than he could ever know. Brian had thought it a joke at first, but, as the next several messages came, he had gone to the police with it. The messages hadn’t been long enough for the police to properly trace the origin, and they had told Brian to get a new number. He had and had explained to Sienna that a fan had gotten hold of his number, which was why he was changing the number. He didn’t tell her that he no longer felt comfortable with her and the babies by themselves in their home outside of Lexington.

Brian shook his head, reminding himself that he had called Howie to stop by the house every so often without alerting Sienna as to the why of his visit. He didn’t actually think anything was going to go wrong because he had taken every security measure possible, installing a security system on the gates at the front and back of the fifty-acre property. Only he and Sienna knew the codes for the gates, and Brian knew he should feel safe. Unfortunately, the caller had figured out his new number and had called him again.

“Well,” Brian said to himself, “I’ve got someone going by to check on them, and there’s no way anyone can get over the gates unless they have a tactical SWAT team with them. So they’ve got to be okay,” he reassured himself.

At the knock on the door, he turned and opened it for his personal assistant, Holly Jansen. She came in carrying a clipboard and looked tidy and efficient in her neat business suit. Brian had teased her about being the most uptight, twenty-seven year old assistant to a member of the music industry, and she had calmly told him that he wasn’t paying her to be loose and irresponsible. Realizing that he was fighting a losing battle, Brian had backed off and left her alone. He knew her well enough, though, to know that she did loosen up sometimes—if you poured two bottles of beer into her, she was gone.

Smiling to himself at the memory of a time he had done just that, he looked over at her. “So, what’s next, Holly?”

She tapped her pen on her notebook and looked up at him through thick-rimmed glasses. “Let’s see. Today is February sixteenth, and you’ve got a radio show at 99.7 WRIP in two hours. After that, sound check is at three and the show is at seven. In between there, we’ll find time to get you something to eat and give a short interview to a reporter from the St. Louis Tribune. Got all that?” She watched him with amused, gray eyes.

Brian furrowed his brow. “Um, there’s a radio show next, then food, then an interview, then more food, sound check, and then sleep?” he ticked off on his fingers and grinned at the look on her face. “Just kidding. I know what’s going down, Holly. Relax a little. Have I ever screwed up before?”

“No,” she sighed. “No, you haven’t. And, I promise I’ll try to relax, but you know it’s not my style.”

Brian grinned. “We could always get you drunk again. Then again, maybe not,” he added quickly, seeing the murderous look on her face. “Seriously, Holly, you’re one of the best assistants I’ve ever had. Thanks for keeping me on track always.”

She shook her head and smiled a little. “Oh, you,” she rolled her eyes, then looked at him seriously again. “Have you gotten any more calls, Brian?”

Not bothering to pretend he didn’t know what she was talking about, he looked out the window again. “I don’t know how the guy does it. I mean, I changed my number, and he still found out. I’m beginning to wonder if this guy is really joking or not. What if something happens to my family?”

Holly stood and placed her hand on his shoulder. “They’re safe, Brian. You’ve got an incredible security system, and nobody can get through it. Besides, you could be in danger, too. What if he’s really out to get you? Did you ever think of that?”

Brian shrugged. “It doesn’t matter. I’ve got bodyguards, but my family doesn’t. If I got a bunch of guards for them and nothing happened, Sienna would rag on me about it from now until I die.”

“So, what are you going to do?”

Brian ran a hand over his face and turned to her. “I’m going to pretend that nothing’s wrong and do what comes next on my schedule. I’ll make sure Howie, Harry, and Shane drop by the house and the shop discreetly everyday. Other than that, I don’t really know what else I can do but place my trust in God, right?”

Holly nodded. “I don’t think there’s anything else you can do without solid proof that somebody out there is going to hurt you. The police sure as heck won’t believe it,” she reminded him.

“Yeah, you’re right,” Brian sighed. Then he brightened up. “Anyway, I don’t think there’s anything wrong right now. So, let’s get some coffee and head over to that radio station. Is Jimmy still outside my door?” he asked, referring to his bodyguard. At her nod, he grinned. “Great. Let’s go, then!”

***

He sat in his large desk in the office he had been promoted to and gazed out at the city that spread out before him. The sun shed its rays on his windows and turned the windows of the opposite buildings into giant mirrors. The view had been one of his favorite parts of the office he now sat in. He’d worked his way up to this point, he knew. And he damn well deserved it. He had gotten everything he had ever wished for, he mused. Well, except for one thing.

Swiveling his chair back to face the computer on his desk, he hit three keys and a new screen popped up, illuminating Brian Thomas Littrell’s face on it. Alongside the name were the home address, home phone number, cell phone number, and the name of the security company that had installed the property’s system. Smiling to himself, he traced the name of the company he worked for at the top of a piece of his stationary and glanced over at the identical name on the screen.

It had been ridiculously easy, he thought, convincing Brian that Cartrech Systems had top of the line security that ensured unauthorized entry was impossible. Of course, the system was the top of the line, no doubt, but that was just a technicality. He laughed to himself and glanced at his calendar. Just a few more days, he mused. Just a few more days and the high and mighty Brian Littrell would be begging on his knees for his world back.

***

Sienna hurried behind the counter and answered the phone. “Hello?” she said, glancing around to make sure that her customers didn’t need anything.

“Sienna! It’s Howie,” a breathless-sounding Howie greeted her on the other end.

Sienna sat on the stool behind the register. “Hey, Howie, what’s going on?”

“Liv’s in labor! We’re on our way to the hospital, but we wanted to tell you,” Howie told her. He sounded nervous and excited. Sienna could hear Liv’s moans of pain in the background and Howie trying to soothe her. “Sienna?” Howie came back on the line. “Listen, we just wanted to let you know, but we’re almost at the hospital, so I’ve gotta go. I’ll let you know what happens,” he added and hung up.

Sienna sat back and grinned excitedly. Marlena, who had been sweeping up the dirt from a broken pot, raised a brow questioningly. “What’s going on, Si?”

Sienna smiled. “Livvy went into labor. That was Howie. He’s taking her to the hospital, right now!” she added, excited.

“Then, what are you doing here?” Marlena wondered. “Shouldn’t you be at the hospital with your best friend or at least waiting there to find out how she is?”

Sienna frowned. “I can’t just leave the shop on your shoulders again. It’s fine; I’ll just go after six. That’s only a couple hours,” she added, looking at her watch.

Marlena shook her head. “No, really, Si. Just go and tell Liv I said good luck and I hope all goes well. I can take care of stuff here. It’s a Tuesday, in the middle of February, Valentine’s Day was three days ago, so there is no sale or anything. The place is not going to be busy in the next three hours, so just go.”

Sienna slid off the stool. “Okay, okay! I can take the hint. You just don’t want me here, do you?” She tried to sound hurt.

“Yup! I want you gone. Damn! You figured out my master plan,” Marlena told her.

Grabbing her coat off a rack in the back, Sienna headed towards the door. “You know,” she called over her shoulder, “you should come up with more subtle master plans.” As the door shut behind her, she could hear Marlena’s laughter and realized it was the first time she’d heard the other woman laugh in months. Sighing and thinking that was a problem for another day, she climbed into her car and headed towards the hospital.

***

Several hours later, Sienna paced the waiting room in the maternity ward of St. Joseph’s Hospital. She had called Shane to let him know what was going on and that he would need to watch the twins and Luke until she could pick them up. He had told her not to worry, he had everything under control. Knowing he probably did because Shane had incredible luck with babies, Sienna had hung up and begun pacing the waiting room. They had taken Liv into the labor room three hours ago, and Sienna wondered if something was wrong with the baby. Remembering her own hysterectomy, she prayed that all was well.

Suddenly, Howie burst into the waiting room. “Sienna!” he called, excitedly. “I’m a dad and you’re an aunt!” He hugged her enthusiastically. “I gotta call my family,” he added and went to hurry out of the room.

“Howie! Wait!” Sienna stopped him. “How’s the baby? Liv? What is the baby? A boy or a girl? What’s its name?”

Howie grinned. “It’s a boy! Liv and the baby are fine, and we’re naming him Ryan Howard Dorough. Liv wanted the middle name,” he explained.

Sienna hugged him again. “Congratulations! Let me know when I can go in to see the two of them. Go call your family,” she nudged him out into the hallway. “I’ll call Brian and the other guys.”

“Thanks, Si,” Howie beamed and hurried off.

***
“He’s so handsome,” Sienna exclaimed as she peeked at the bundle Liv held in her arms. “So, we both had sons within months of each other, huh?” she smiled at Liv.

“Yeah, well, I guess we’re always going to be doing things around the same time for the rest of our lives, huh?” Liv grinned up at her and brushed the raven hair that stuck to her forehead. “Of course, you did have two daughters and a son before I had my kid, but that’s just technicalities, right?”

“Absolutely,” Sienna grinned. “The guys all said congratulations and way to go. Kevin thinks that Ryan and Sean are going to be the best of friends, too,” she added, thinking of Kevin and Kristin’s six-month-old son.

Liv grinned down at the sleeping baby she held. He had thick, dark hair and his eyes, when he opened them, were a deep green. Though he had Liv’s coloring, his facial structure was all Howie. “I think they’re all going to be friends and we’re going to have little carpools and slumber parties. Of course, it’s possible now that Kevin and Kristin have moved back to Lexington, you know,” she added, referring to the move Kevin and Kristin had made into a home they’d fell in love with not three miles away from Brian and Sienna’s. Liv and Howie were on the opposite side of the city, a good thirty-minute drive away.

“Yeah,” Sienna mused as she stroked a finger gently down the baby’s cheek. “You’re a mom, Livvy. We’re both mothers. When did this happen? How did this all happen so fast?” she wondered. “Yesterday, we were arguing over clothes and boys and now we have husbands and children. It’s crazy how fast life goes, huh?”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way,” Liv told her. “Speaking of children, shouldn’t you go and take care of your own? I mean, I know Shane is perfectly capable of taking care of them, but they’re probably waiting for you, now.”

Sienna stood. “Yeah, I’m going to get going. I just wanted to see you. Congratulations, again, Livvy,” she murmured, giving Liv a hug. “I’ll come by your house the day after tomorrow and help you settle in and all.” Then she left.

Lyrics from “Time” Backstreet Boys

Love is…
Kisses in a bean bag chair
Two of us with no one there…
The only that keeps me sane
At the end of the day is that I’ve got you…

Brian pressed the buttons on the security keypad outside the gates to his home and felt more secure as the gates opened. No one could get in unless they knew the number, and Sienna had promised that only the two of them would ever know it. He drove his car, the BMW he’d bought to replace the one he’d lost in an accident nearly three years before, and parked it next to Sienna’s. He had decided to break from the tour and fly home for the day he’d had in between his St. Louis and Chicago shows. The feeling that something was going to go wrong had increased, and he knew it wouldn’t go away unless he went home.

“Honey!” Brian called, pushing open the front door. “I’m home!”

“Brian?” Sienna’s confused voice sounded from the back of the house. Following it, he heard the pitter-patter of two sets of feet and grinned as his daughters came rushing down the hall from the kitchen.

“Da! Da!” Kara and Serena gurgled and attached themselves to his legs. They were petite and fairy-like, and both wore little sweaters and mini-jeans. Sienna had discovered that Kara had slightly pointy, elfin ears, while Serena simply had rounded ears. At the moment, as they laughed up at him, there was no difference between the two. He scooped them into his arms and grinned as Sienna came into the foyer carrying Luke, who blinked at Brian.

“Hey,” Sienna smiled as she kissed him. “This is quite the surprise. We weren’t expecting you for another, oh, four weeks.”

Brian shrugged. “I needed to see you guys. I’ve missed you,” he murmured kissing her again. He would’ve deepened it if it hadn’t been for the three children they held between them. The twins clapped, and Luke yawned and gurgled happily. “Well, guess that’ll have to wait until they’re all sleeping, huh?” He looked down at the twins in his arms. “I’ll never get used to how fast you guys grow, you know,” he told them and kissed their foreheads. He grinned over at Luke. “Hey little guy,” he murmured, stroking his finger down the baby’s cheek. He looked up at Sienna. “They keeping you up at night?”

She shook her head. “Surprisingly, no. Kara and Serena are out by nine, and Luke usually falls asleep as soon as I feed him, which is usually around nine-thirty. During the day, Shane usually takes them when I go into the shop. He says they’re fantastic.” She looked at him quizzically. “Baby, not that I’m complaining or anything, but aren’t you supposed to be on tour somewhere?”

Brian shrugged. “Yeah, but I needed to see y’all. I don’t know how long I’m going to be able to keep touring if I miss you this much every time I leave.”

Sienna sighed. “Brian,” she began, but he cut her off.

“It’s okay. I’m still going to do it, but I’ll just make sure it’s more flexible. Such as today,” he said, setting down the twins who had begun wriggling around, antsy to get off and play. “The show in St. Louis was last night, and the one in Chicago isn’t until tomorrow night. I wheeled and dealed with Holly and we agreed that I could come home until tomorrow at eleven, when I have a flight back. So, until then,” he began, lifting Luke out of her arms, “I’m all yours.”

“All mine, huh?” she said, giving him a wicked grin. “I think I can come up with some things to do with you.”

“Lead on, oh mistress,” Brian bowed and grinned when Luke gurgled again at the movement. “You like that, buddy?” he said to his son. “Yeah, mommy owes me, then.” And he grinned at Sienna as she rolled her eyes.

“Well, slave of mine, are you planning on going to see Livvy and Ryan in the hospital? They’re not supposed to come home until tomorrow morning,” Sienna reminded him.

“Oh, yeah!” Brian remembered. “I can’t believe Howie’s a dad! Yeah, of course, I’ll go see them. When are visiting hours over?” he asked her.

Sienna glanced at a clock set on a table. “You’ve still got a couple hours. Why don’t you head over now, and I’ll get these guys fed, then we’ll have our own relaxing time.”

“Sounds like a plan—except I want to be here to help feed them. I’ve missed that fun event, you know,” Brian grinned.

Sienna shrugged. “Sure, that works, too. Tell Livvy and Howie I said hello.”

Brian handed Luke back to her and headed for the door. “I will.”

***

After finding out Liv’s room number, Brian made his way to the fourth floor, maternity ward and walked down the hall looking for the right room. When he found it, he knocked and waited for the “Come in!”

Liv smiled when he walked into the room. “Well, look who it is! I didn’t think we’d see you until April. What are you doing home?”

Brian kissed her cheek and grinned at the baby that slept in her arms. “I came back to see this little guy. Wow,” he admired the baby. “He looks like Howie, except with black hair.”

“Yeah, that’s what everyone says,” Liv told him.

Howie walked into the room, then, and did a double take when he saw Brian. Then he smiled, hugely. “Rok! Man, I didn’t think we’d see you for another month. Not until it was time for us to go on tour.”

Brian shook his head as he gave a Howie a quick hug. “Nah. I decided I needed to see the latest member of the quickly-growing Backstreet family. And I must say, you and Livvy did a fantastic job. Although, I think most of the credit goes to her,” he added, winking at Liv.

“Uh-huh,” Howie smiled. “It does. She’s the one that did all the work.”

“That’s right,” Liv agreed. “He just played around, while I had to do the hard part.”

Howie leaned over and kissed her. “You know if there was a way to transfer pain, I would’ve done it,” he told her.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Liv waved it off, but her expression softened a little as she looked at him, adoringly. Brian couldn’t help but grin at the two of them. And to think, they may never have met if it hadn’t been for him and Sienna.

A nurse came in, nodded at Brian and Howie, and turned to Liv. “Mrs. Dorough, the doctor will be in soon to examine you and make sure everything is okay. We’ll take your son to the nursery, and you can have him back as soon as we do the full, second day check up on him.”

Liv nodded. “Sounds good,” she told the nurse, who smiled and left the room. “Well guys, I think it’s time for you to leave for a bit. Do you mind?”

Brian shook his head, while Howie leaned over and squeezed her hand. “I’ll be back, soon.”

***

As they sat in the waiting room until Liv’s exam was done, Howie looked over at Brian. “Seriously, I’m glad you came, but I didn’t buy all that crap about wanting to see Ryan being your only reason, you know,” Howie raised a brow expectantly.

Brian sighed. “It’s about those phone calls,” he began.

“I kind of figured it was. I thought you switched your number?” Howie wondered.

“I know, I did,” Brian told him. “But, somehow, I got another message yesterday. I’m starting to get nervous about this. This guy found out my new number, who’s to say he won’t find out the code for the gates?”

Howie squeezed his shoulder reassuringly. “Relax, Brian. Shane, Harry, and I have been going over to the house a lot. And Shane’s got the kids all day. Besides, when Si’s in the shop, Marlena’s there the entire time. Nothing’s going to go wrong. And if you have such a bad feeling about this, why don’t you tell Sienna?”

“Ha!” Brian shook his head. “If I told her, she’d give me this look and tell me that she can take care of herself and the kids. And she can, I know she can. It’s just—you never know. I have this itch, like something’s about to go terribly wrong.”

“If it makes you feel better, AJ’s coming down the day after tomorrow. He could stay at your house instead of with Kevin and Kristin. How’s that sound?” Howie asked him.

“I think it might make me feel better,” Brian said slowly. Then, he brightened. “Actually, knowing that there’s someone there with them will make me feel a whole hell of a lot better. Thanks Howie! I’ll clear it with Sienna and talk to AJ. She just can’t know why he’s really staying there.”

Howie smiled. “I think we can pull that off. I promise nothing is going to happen to your family, Brian. It’s just a prank caller who’s being a real bastard about it. When he realizes he’s not going to get a rise out of you, he’ll probably back out.”

“Probably,” Brian agreed.

***

You’re my secret place
Where I can be myself
You connect with me
Like nobody else

Brian poured two glasses of white wine and passed one over to Sienna, who sat in the middle of their bed. Then, he got onto it and sat next to her. Their kids were sleeping after having been fed. Which had been quite the event, Brian remembered with a grin. Kara had thrown peas at Serena who had proceeded to burst into tears. Of course, she had gotten even by knocking over Kara’s sippy cup so the cap came off and spilled water over her twin. As Kara had howled, Brian had taken her and fed her in the dining room away from her sister. Sienna had simply shaken her head and given him an “And you thought it would be fun” look. He had shrugged and told her it still was. Luke had been even easier to take care of because he just needed to be changed, which Brian had gladly done. Sienna had started him on formula, so he had fed the baby. He couldn’t believe how lucky he was to have such a wonderful family. The kids were healthy and Sienna was the only woman he could ever imagine having by his side.

“Ryan’s so tiny,” Brian told her, turning his thoughts to the present.
Sienna grinned. “Please, it’s not like Luke wasn’t smaller. He’s still little, but that’s probably because he’s only two and a half months old. Ryan’s a good size. I’m glad Liv and Howie have such a healthy baby, too.”

“Thank God,” Brian murmured. He turned to her, then, and gently turning her head towards him, kissed her. Before either of them knew it, the kiss had gone deep enough to make them want more. They hadn’t made love since October when Sienna had been too pregnant, and both of them were acutely aware of that fact.

Sienna sat back breathing shakily. “I’m going to spill this wine if we’re not careful,” she warned him.

Brian lifted a brow. “Do we want to be careful? I mean, do we have to be careful, now?” he added, thinking that it had been two and a half months since she had given birth and two months since her surgery.

“I think I’ll be okay, Brian,” she told him and smiled. He reached over and took the wineglass from her hand and set both on the side table.

“If you’re sure,” he murmured, drawing her into his arms. “It’s been so long.”

Sienna fell into his next kiss and moaned a little as his lips traveled down her neck. “It has been, and I need you, Brian. Don’t hold back.”

He pressed his lips to the hollow of her throat. “I won’t.”

She wrapped her arms around him as his lips moved back to hers, and they took, hungry for more. His hands slid from her face, to her shoulders, where he gently pushed the straps of her tank top off then slipped the top over head. When he went to lean her back into the pillows, she tugged on the hem of his shirt until it was off.

Pressed skin to skin, both reveled in the feeling that they had missed over the past few months. Brian pressed his lips to hers again as his hands traveled over her. When he cupped her breasts, she moaned. It had been too long for both of them, Brian thought, then lowered his mouth to her. But she was still the same. Still the same woman he had given his heart to for always.

“Sienna,” he murmured, his voice hoarse with passion. “It’s still the same. You’re all I’ll ever want,” he murmured, pressing his lips over her heart.

She opened her eyes and looked into his. “So are you,” she told him and brought his lips back to hers.

“You’re so beautiful,” he whispered as his lips trailed over her face, then down her throat. “I can’t get enough of you.”

She twisted until she was straddling him and wriggled out of the sweatpants she wore. Pressing her lips over his heart, she smiled up into his eyes. “I love you, Brian. Only you,” she murmured and helped him drag off the last pieces of clothing he wore. She trailed her fingers over the tattoo on his arm. “Rock of Ages,” she whispered. “My rock.”

“Always,” Brian promised as he turned so she was pressed back underneath him. As he positioned himself, his lips returned to hers, and her eyes closed. Brian tried to control his breathing. “Sienna,” he managed to say. “Sienna, look at me. I need you to look at me,” he whispered, hoarsely.

When her eyes opened and locked onto his, he slid into her. “I love you,” he murmured. “Forever and always,” he added and watched the tears fill her eyes.

“I love you, Brian,” she managed to say before she crested and all she could see was the blue of his eyes. As her arms wrapped around him, Brian pressed his lips to hers. The last thing he remembered, besides the impossible green of her eyes, was feeling as though it was the last time they would ever be like this. Then, he couldn’t even remember that as he went deeper and was lost.

Lyrics from “Love Is” Backstreet Boys

If I had only known
It was my last night by your side
I’d pray a miracle would stop the dawn
And when you’d smile at me
I would look into your eyes
And make sure you know my love
For you goes on and on

“I wish you didn’t have to go,” Sienna stood in the foyer holding Luke as the twins ran around Brian, who was slipping into his coat.

He scooped Serena off the floor and kissed her nose. Then, he looked over at Sienna. “I know, darling. I don’t want to go, but I have to. It’s what I do.”

“Yeah,” Sienna sighed. “You’re right. I was hoping you’d come back for your birthday. It’s on Tuesday—only two days away.”

Brian gave her a half-smile. “If I talk to you on Tuesday, I’ll feel like I’m home.” He leaned over and kissed her. “I promise.” He set Serena down and lifted Kara, twirling her in a circle until she giggled. Then, he put her down on the floor next to her sister.

Sienna watched him with their daughters and couldn’t help but smile. This was her world, she mused, and she couldn’t be happier. Brian was the best father she knew, and they had the most wonderful children. The singing was his life and she was proud of his voice, but she still yearned for him to be there with them all the time. Waving that thought away, she smiled down at him as he played with the girls.

“Brian, you’re going to be late for your flight, and you know Holly will have your head on a platter, then,” she reminded him.

He stood and kissed Luke’s cheek. “I know, I know. I’m going, I’m going,” he grinned at her. “AJ should be coming in tomorrow night, remember that? He’s excited to see the kids, and I’m sure he’ll be able to help out when you’re taking care of them at home.”

Sienna shrugged. “The kids are fine, I’m just glad he’s coming. It’s been two months since I’ve seen him and all because I couldn’t bring Luke up to New York for the release in January. It’ll be good to catch up with him.”

Brian nodded. “It will be.” He leaned forward and kissed her then, wrapping his arms around her and the baby she held. “I’m going to miss you so much,” he murmured, leaning back and framing her face in his gloved hands. “The next month is going to feel like forever.”

Sienna smiled to keep the tears from flowing. “You’ve got that webcam deal, Brian. Use it, and we’ll all wish you a happy birthday on Tuesday. I’m taking the day off because I haven’t done that since December. Marlena’s going to take care of everything at the shop.”

“Great! Then, I guess I’ll see the four of you on Tuesday, huh?” he grinned down at the twins as they ran back towards the playroom. “I’d better get going, and you’d better go see they don’t get into trouble.”

“I will,” she told him. “Good thing Shane’s coming over today to hang out. They love Uncle Shane.”

Brian opened the door. “Then take care of yourself, okay? I’ll call when I get to Chicago.”

Sienna nodded and moved to the door, so she could watch him climb into his car. Kara and Serena raced to the door and stood, waving to Brian. He grinned at them and blew a kiss to them that made them giggle and clap their hands.

As he drove down the driveway, he watched them in the rearview mirror. His family, he thought, was the most important thing in his life. If anything happened to them, he didn’t know what he would do. But, nothing was going to happen to them, he reassured himself. AJ was staying with them for a couple of days, and they would be protected at all times. He glanced in the mirror one last time before the gates shut behind him and obstructed his view. Sienna stood, holding Luke, as the twins jumped up and down next to her. He couldn’t help but smile, then turned onto the road.

***

You were the treasure in my hand
You were the one who always stood beside me
So unaware I foolishly believed
That you would always be there
But then there came a day
And I turned my head and you slipped away

AJ leaned back in a wicker chair and watched Kara and Serena play with building blocks on the floor of the sunroom at the back of the house. He grinned over at Sienna. “They’re incredible! Jesus, they’ve grown so fast. I remember seeing them after they were born. They were so tiny, and now look at them.”

Sienna watched her daughters and glowed with pride. “We can try to teach them to say ‘AJ’ if you want. They learned to say Nick’s name when he dropped by right after New Year’s.”

AJ sat up and stroked his finger gently over Luke’s hand, which was fisted on the bottle Sienna was feeding him with. “Really? They could say my name? That would be so cool! I remember when Bridget learned to say all our names, and now she goes around calling all of us when we’re not there. Kevin thinks she’s the smartest kid in the world.” He smiled, remembering how excited Kevin had been when he recounted all of his daughter’s incredible feats.

“Every parent thinks their kid is the smartest,” Sienna told AJ. “I think the twins are going to figure out a cure for cancer when they grow up. But that’s just my thinking on it,” she added casually.

AJ shrugged. “They might or this one might,” he added, gesturing to Luke, whose eyes were shut. “He sleeps a lot, though.”

“He’s not even three months old yet. If he didn’t sleep a lot, I’d be worried,” she told him. “Now, those two,” she gestured to the girls who had now proceeded to knock their haphazardly built structures over, “it’s almost time for their nap. They only nap once a day, between two and four. It gives me a chance to relax, especially on a Saturday.”

“You took the day off for Brian’s birthday, right? I mean, so you could call and have the girls babble to him over the phone, right?” AJ asked.

Sienna nodded. “Even if he’s not here, we’re trying to make it so that he is here in some form for them. It gives them some sense of having their dad around, and it allows Brian to be here without leaving the tour. He was thrilled when we called him this morning,” she grinned, remembering his exclamations over the phone that his girls were amazing. “So, how are Sean and Bridget,” she turned to AJ again, who had been by Kevin and Kristin’s home that morning when she had called Brian.

AJ grinned. “Sean’s the cutest thing ever. Besides your kids, of course,” he added quickly, making her laugh. “He’s trying to walk around, but keeps falling over. Bridget’s helping him walk because she thinks it’s the coolest thing ever—like a science experiment or something.”

Sienna smiled. “She’s a great older sister. I can’t wait to see how the girls are with Luke when they all get older. Speaking of the girls,” she began watching as they began to get cranky and tired of their game. Kara had begun to throw the blocks against the chair, while Serena stood and toddled over to AJ. “I think it’s time to tire them out so they sleep.”

AJ lifted Serena into his lap where she snuggled in. “How do you do that? Tell them a story or something?”

Sienna shrugged. “Yeah, that’s usually what I do. Make lots of funny faces and noises, and they laugh. Within ten minutes, they’ll start drifting off,” she told him as she placed Luke into the carrier set next to her feet.

AJ nodded. “Well, then, I guess I’ll get Kara over here, too. Hey sweetie,” he called to the toddler. Kara looked over at him, cocked her head, then, seeing that her sister was in his lap, she frowned and raised her arms so he could lift her up. When he had them all settled in, he started telling them a story about fairies and dragons that he made up on the spot.

Sienna leaned back and watched them. AJ would make a great father one day, she knew. He just had to find the right woman, and, though she teased him about his taste in flaky women, she knew that he secretly wanted to settle down, too. Kristin had brought it up once, after she had seen how engrossed AJ had been with Sean and Bridget.

“Kids thrill him,” Kristin smiled. “He’s great with them, and I think he secretly wants his own.”

“I wish we could find him the perfect woman,” Sienna sighed. “He’s a great guy, and I know any woman would be happy to have him.”

“AJ’s picky, though,” Kristin told her. “He’s been through some rough things, and he won’t settle down until he finds someone that can relate to that and understand exactly what he’s been through. He needs to find someone he can trust enough to love.”

“Because that’s the basis of our marriages,” Sienna finished and earned a nod and smile from Kristin.

She watched him now, one little girl tucked into the crook of each arm. His facial expressions as he described the monsters that the fairies were fighting had Serena and Kara hooked, even if they understood nothing he was saying. Smiling to herself, Sienna closed her eyes and relaxed as the sun continued to heat the glassed-in room that overlooked the backyards and gardens of the large property.

AJ shifted the girls until they were both curled up in the chair, side-by-side, asleep. It really hadn’t been that difficult to put them to sleep. He pushed a lock of curling chestnut hair off of Serena’s face and smiled. Brian and Sienna had lucked out when it came to kids. These two angels were amazing, he mused.

Standing up, he noticed that Sienna was asleep, so he decided to head in to the kitchen to get a glass of water. As he stepped into the doorway separating the sunroom from the rest of the house, he looked back at Sienna and her kids, making sure they were okay. Seeing that they were, he walked into the house not noticing the dark-colored car that edged its way out of the trees towards the back of the property and moved down the back drive of the house.

Inside, AJ pulled a bottle of water out of the fridge and fought the urge for a cigarette. He had decided it was time to quit before he wrecked his voice and could give lung cancer a reason to develop. Thinking of his voice reminded him of the tour that was to start in just under two months. He was excited for it, and, though the media continued to blare that the Backstreet Boys were done and finished, he knew it wasn’t true. Hadn’t the girl with the spiky hair, eyebrow ring, and black fingernails, who worked at the convenience store near his home in West Palm Beach, stopped him one day and told him that their music was good—even if it was pop? Yeah, AJ mused, it was still their time. So what if they didn’t gather the crowds in Times Square anymore and their videos didn’t make it onto TRL? None of that mattered as long as there were people out there that loved their songs. So, AJ thought, the Backstreet Boys would never be finished until there was no one left to listen.

Wondering why he was suddenly thinking of when they would stop singing, AJ frowned at himself. He peeked into the sunroom again to make sure the four who slept were still okay, then he headed to the bathroom.

As he washed his hands, he frowned down at the black nail color he wore and decided that it was time to grow up and do something different. The tattoos were all good, as were the piercings, but he’d have to stop the crazy nail color sooner or later. Besides, when he had kids, he didn’t think he wanted them to be scared of Daddy’s tattoos or fingernails. How much would that suck? AJ wondered to himself. He was so engrossed in thoughts of his maybe future children that he didn’t hear the sound of glass breaking nor a short scream over the sound of the water running in the sink.

AJ wiped his wet hands off and realized that the reason he was thinking about his possible children was because he wanted his own. The thought stopped him short. Wasn’t he bad boy AJ McLean? Wouldn’t having children cramp his style? Howie, Brian, and Kevin had pulled it off because they were family men. But he and Nick were the wild children who would never manage to be unselfish enough to love their own children and give them the attention they deserved. After all, hadn’t his own father run off on him? Perhaps things like that were inherited, and it was probably better not to risk having children, right?

His thoughts troubling him, AJ walked back towards the sunroom again, knowing he could talk to Sienna about this. “Hey, Si,” he began then froze in his tracks.

The room was empty. Sienna and the three babies were gone, and all that was left, AJ realized with panic, fear, and dread filling him, was a pile of broken glass where one glass wall of the sunroom had been broken.

Calling Sienna’s name, AJ dashed out into the backyard and ran towards the backwoods of the Littrell property. Running, he yanked out his cell phone and dialed Emergency Services. When the operator answered, he stopped to catch his breath.

“Sorry,” he gasped. “I wanted to report an emergency! Oh god, I think they’ve been kidnapped!”

“Slow down, sir,” the operator calmly replied. “Now, who’s been kidnapped, and where are you calling from?”

AJ took a deep breath. “I’m staying with my friend’s wife and children out on” he tried to remember the name of the street “Green Haven Road. I think the house number’s six nineteen. He’s been getting crazy phone calls threatening him and now his family’s disappeared. The glass on their sunroom’s been broken in. Oh lord, I went inside for a few minutes and they’re gone, now! Please, hurry.”

The operator told him that the police were on their way and stayed on the line with him until he could hear the sirens. Remembering that no one could get in through the gates unless he pressed the button for the gate from the house, he hurried back to the house and called Kevin on his way, knowing that Kevin was down the street and could be there the quickest.

When the police arrived, they inspected the premises and asked AJ to relate exactly what had happened. They asked him where Brian was and about the phone calls that he had received. Realizing Brian still didn’t know what had happened, AJ knew he had to call him. And he dreaded it. When one of the detectives offered to call, AJ shook his head and said he’d do it.

With Kevin standing next to him, AJ dialed Brian’s number with trembling fingers. On the second ring, Brian answered.

“Hey, AJ! How’s everything going? How’s my family?” Brian sounded happy and AJ was terrified of letting him down.

“Bri, there’s something you have to know. Are you sitting down?” AJ asked him.

“I am now. Is everything okay?” When Brian’s breath jerked, AJ knew he’d figured it out without having to be told. “What happened AJ? Tell me they’re okay! Tell me you know where they are!” Brian nearly begged.

AJ squeezed his eyes shut. “No,” he whispered. “I’m sorry, Brian. I left them in the sunroom for five minutes to go to the bathroom, and when I came back, they were gone and the glass had been smashed in. Oh god, Brian, I am so sorry. The cops are here now, and they’re looking everything over.”

There was silence for a few moments on the other end except for Brian’s harsh breathing. Then, he spoke. “I’ll be there, soon. I trusted you, AJ,” he murmured and there was a click.

Lyrics from “If I Had Only Known” Reba McEntire

I didn't hear you leave,
I wonder how am I still here
I don't want to move a thing,
It might change my memory

His thoughts careened all over the place as he thought of his children and Sienna, taken by someone—stolen from him, Brian thought. He’d seen it coming and he’d done everything in his power to protect them, from installing a state-of-the-arts security system to having AJ stay with them. He figured it was cruel irony on the part of the bastard who had stolen his family that it should happen on his birthday. He couldn’t feel sorry for himself, Brian knew. He needed to find that anger that was currently being directed towards AJ and focus it on whoever had taken them.

He had hopped on the first flight that had been leaving Minneapolis for Lexington. He knew the woman sitting next to him had known who he was, but he was thankful that she hadn’t said anything. He had been afraid that if anyone had stopped him, he would have broken down or exploded in their face. Now, he drove what seemed like a thousand miles to his home from the airport. His mother had called when he had landed. Apparently, Kevin, Kristin, AJ, Howie, Liv, Sienna’s family, and his own were at the house with the police. She had told him that the police had used caution tape to block off the sunroom area and had begun to inspect the rest of the property to see if they could figure out where the walls had been breached. Brian resisted the urge to simply drive his car into the nearest wall out of frustration and anger. He was glad he was feeling anger and not helplessness. The helplessness would have killed him, he knew, but he was still afraid it would come soon.

As he pulled up to the gates, he was relieved to note that no neighbors had gathered to see what was going on. The less people that got in his way, the better, Brian thought. The gates opened and he pulled his car in next to the Land Cruiser he had bought Sienna for her last birthday. She had been furious that he had bought her a car that she didn’t need, but he knew she secretly liked it more than the old clunker she had been driving. Leaning his head against the steering wheel, he squeezed his eyes shut to prevent the tears from flowing. That would be giving in to the helplessness, and he knew he would be of no help to his family if he broke down and couldn’t think properly.

The doors were open and, as he stepped in the door, a detective walked towards him. “Mr. Littrell? I’m Lieutenant Sheridan from the LPD,” she held out a hand that Brian shook. “I’m sorry about your family, but we’re going to do everything possible to find them. Your wife is well-known, so they can’t get very far without being recognized.”

Brian held up a hand to stop her. “I can’t think. I’m sorry I can’t think past the fact that my family was, oh god, kidnapped. How could this happen?” he half-asked himself.

Sheridan shifted on her feet and watched him. “Mr. McLean and Mr. Dorough said that you had been receiving threatening phone calls. Is this true? Did you go to the police about this?”

“Yes, I did,” Brian looked up at her, his expression hardening. “I went to the police and they told me that it was probably just a prank caller. I changed my number and received another message on Saturday. Unfortunately, because the police, the people who are supposed to protect the innocent, told me that it was a prank caller, I did nothing. And you know what the consequence of that was, Lieutenant? My family was kidnapped—they were taken from our home. Stolen,” he spat the word in her face.

Sheridan nodded. “I know,” she said, her voice softening. “It’s terrible and I’m sorry that we couldn’t do anything to better protect your family, but we’re going to try to bring them home safely.”

“My kids are all under two years old! How the hell are they going to survive without proper care? God, how are any of the four of them going to survive,” Brian fought the urge to dissolve in a puddle on the floor. He took several deep breaths, then calmly asked, “Have you found anything, yet? Any evidence? Anything?”

She sighed. “You have one of the best security systems in the market right now, and it doesn’t look like it’s been tampered with at all. Except for the fact that when the glass was shattered, the alarms didn’t go off.” She frowned. “Do you have your system set to not respond when something happens to the house?”

Brian furrowed his brow and tried to remember. “No,” he answered. “We had the company set up the system so that the gates would need the proper combo punched in, and, if a window was broken, it would set the alarms off. Cartrech set everything up and the only way to change it is to call the company. Sienna would have told me if she had changed anything,” he added. A thought suddenly occurred to him. “Wait a minute. You said nothing looked as though it had been tampered with, right?” At her nod, he continued. “The code to the gate. Only Sienna and I know it, and neither of us told anyone. How could this guy have gotten in?”

Before the lieutenant could answer his question, Jackie came into the foyer. “Brian? Oh, honey,” she held out her arms, and Brian couldn’t help but go into them and be held. “I’m so sorry, baby duck. I’m so sorry.”

Brian tried not to give in to the urge to scream, shout, and hurl objects. He stepped back and managed a smiled. “When the cops find who the hell took my kids and my wife, no one is going to be able to stop me from tearing the bastard into tiny pieces. And we will find them,” Brian said firmly.

“That’s my son,” Harold said as he came into the foyer, followed by everyone else except for AJ. “We’re going to find my daughter-in-law and grandchildren, and then we’ll deal with the wretched soul who took them. I’ll be right there with you, kiddo.”

Brian smiled grimly and greeted his extended family, watching as Sienna’s aunts tried not to fall apart. He could tell that the women, his mother included, had been weeping and he figured the menfolk must have gotten angry somewhere in the last four hours. He knew that he couldn’t handle their emotions, though, so he turned back to the lieutenant.

“Tell me what you’ve found so far,” he demanded.

She nodded. “As of right now, there is no evidence. No tire marks from possible vehicles—and we have to assume that he had a vehicle because of the five minute time frame he had while Mr. McLean was in the house. Neither of your gates looked tampered with, so the only thing we’ve wondered about is why the alarms didn’t go off when the glass was broken. However, we’d like you to open both gates from the outside for us. A test,” she told him when he seemed confused.

Knowing that if he did something, he wouldn’t crack, Brian agreed and went with her to try out the gates. The front gate opened easily when he pressed the proper combination, so Sheridan drove him around to the back of his property, and Brian stepped up to the keypad. He pressed the combination in and hit “Enter” and waited for the gates to swing open. When they didn’t, he frowned. Trying the combination again and watching it fail again, dread rushed through him.

He turned to Sheridan, who had come to stand next to him. “It doesn’t work. The combination doesn’t work,” he repeated.

She sighed. “I was afraid of this. You said only you and your wife had knowledge of the code, so the only other way someone could switch the code on you is…”

“If they worked for the company and somehow got access into my account,” Brian finished for her. “I’m calling them, right now, then. And when I find out what the hell went wrong, I will sue their tails off.”

“Calm down, Mr. Littrell. Anger is not going to get your wife back,” Sheridan reminded him. Brian watched her for a few moments, then sighed. “I’ll call them,” she told him.

Half an hour later, Cartrech couldn’t give them an answer as to how the code had been changed. All they knew from their records was that it had been changed on February nineteenth.

“Yesterday,” Brian muttered. “It was changed yesterday, when it was the least likely possibility that either Sienna or I would try to enter through the back. For the love of God, who authorized the damn change?!”

Sheridan nodded at his question and related it to the company. After listening for a few moments, she thanked them and hung up. “They said that you called and asked to have it changed, along with turning off the alarm system for the doors and windows. They verified that it was you before they changed it by asking for your birth date and social security number. Apparently, the caller knew both.”

Brian stifled the need to scream and began to pace. “I don’t know what to do,” he murmured. “Did you ask if any of the neighbors had noticed someone leaving through the back gate, today?”

Sheridan nodded. “I sent a couple officers to talk to the neighbors, and no one saw anything suspicious. None of them noticed anyone leaving your home either. I’m sorry, but unless whoever took your family calls you again, we have no leads, no avenues, nothing to pursue.”

“Jesus,” Brian whispered. “It’s like this guy knew exactly how to pull off the perfect abduction. He figured out all the things to do to throw everyone off track. Oh god,” he shuddered. “I can’t handle this. I can’t handle this anymore.”

She sat next to him. “Mr. Littrell, we are not giving up. We’re going to set a tap on your home phone lines and your cell phone. The second this guy calls, we’ll trace the call. If we could just find out where he’s heading, we can start searching. Until then, I suggest you talk to the media and send out pictures of your family so they can be played on the major news networks. This way, we’ll have millions of eyes looking out for them.”

Brian nodded and managed a weak smile. “For fourteen years, I’ve tried to avoid the press whenever possible. Now, I have to ask them for help. Life is strange, isn’t it?”

She smiled. “Call them, and we’ll increase the area for the APB further. We’re going to bring them home safely, I promise.”

***

AJ stayed out of the way as much as possible. He knew that if he hadn’t left Sienna and the babies alone, they’d still be safe. When Brian had come home, he hadn’t gone to greet him because he knew Brian was angry with him. Instead of keeping his family safe, AJ had left them alone for a crazy psychopath to pluck off. So, he’d spent the last seven hours avoiding Brian, while the efforts to search for Sienna, Luke, and the twins had begun. He’d crept upstairs into one of the last guest rooms and watched the goings-on outside.

A cluster of media personnel had appeared two hours after Brian had arrived home. At six, Brian had gone out to speak to them. AJ figured Brian must have come up with a statement and was using the media to help search for his family. Around seven, the police had left, and AJ could hear murmurs from the first floor. Around eight, he watched Howie help a weeping Liv into their car and secure Ryan into a carseat. Half an hour later, Jacob and Lucy Roberts and their children left. Following them, he watched the rest of Sienna’s family leave.

“You shouldn’t be alone, Brian,” AJ heard Harold say from the foyer. “At least let your mother stay with you, tonight.”

“No, Dad. I need to be by myself. Please,” Brian told his father.

“Honey,” Jackie tried to persuade him otherwise, but Brian held firm. So, ten minutes later, AJ watched Jackie and Harold make their way to their car.

“You sure you’ll be okay, Bri?” AJ realized Kevin was still there.

“Kev, I just need to think. I need to be alone because I’m afraid I’ll do something terrible if everyone hovers around me constantly. So, please, go home and be with your family. Take care of them,” Brian told his older cousin.

“It’s not your fault,” Kevin reminded him.

“If it’s not my fault, then whose fault is it? I should’ve been here! I should’ve taken care of them! Instead, I was in Minneapolis, singing, while my family was abducted. Of course I feel responsible, Kevin!” Brian shouted. Then, more calmly, “It’s okay, Kev. I won’t do anything drastic. I’ll be fine.”

“Okay,” Kevin said after long moments. “I’ll be back tomorrow, though.”

“That’s fine,” Brian said. Soon after, Kevin climbed into his car and headed out.

AJ strained to hear any sound from the first floor, and, after several minutes, he realized that it was just him and Brian in the house. Well, he’d have to face him sooner or later, AJ thought. Why not let Brian kill him now, with no witnesses around, right?

He descended the stairs and found Brian standing in the taped off doorway to the sunroom. He turned when he heard AJ’s footsteps, and his expression became unreadable.

“I didn’t know you were still here,” Brian told him.

AJ shrugged. “I stayed out of your way, so you wouldn’t kill me when there were witnesses around. But, now that there’s no one here, go ahead. I wouldn’t blame you,” he added.

Brian watched him for several, long moments then, shaking his head, he walked into the living room. Confused, AJ followed him and watched as Brian opened the small liquor cabinet and, pulling the cap off a bottle of, what AJ recognized as Jack Daniels, poured it into a glass. Taking the glass and the bottle, Brian sat on a couch and swallowed the alcohol.

“Do you really think I’m going to be mad at you, AJ?” Brian wondered.

AJ frowned and carefully sat on an armchair across from Brian. “I don’t know, Rok. I thought you’d be furious with me for not taking care of your family better. I mean, you told me you had trusted me before you hung up this afternoon. I thought you thought it was my fault.”

Brian sighed heavily and drank another shot down. “AJ, I didn’t expect you to watch them twenty four hours of the day. Besides, it turns out that no matter what you or I could have done, the bastard would have gotten to them anyway. He called the security company and, knowing my social security number, changed the combination on the back gate and dropped the security on the doors and windows. He was determined to get to my family, and he did. Congratulations you son of a bitch,” Brian toasted what lay outside the window. “I hope you rot in hell for this.”

AJ watched as Brian took another shot and another. Knowing that Brian would feel no better if he drank, he stood and snatched the glass and bottle from his friend.

“Hey!” Brian stood and reached for the alcohol.

“Absolutely not, Brian,” AJ told him and, walking to the kitchen, he dumped the rest of the bottle out. “It’s not going to get rid of the fact that your wife and children aren’t here. In fact, it’ll only make you feel worse with the hangover on top everything else.”

Brian flopped down in a kitchen chair and scowled at him. “Why the hell do always have to be right, Alex?” he muttered, his words barely slurring.

“Because I’ve been through it,” AJ reminded him. “Why haven’t you broken down, yet, Bri? Cried, screamed, thrown things? It’s not healthy to bottle it all up.”

Brian looked at him with bloodshot eyes. “Every time I turned around, someone was there crying or telling me it was okay to cry. I can’t do that, Alex. If I do, I won’t be any good to Sienna and the kids. I won’t be able to help them because I’ll feel absolutely helpless.”

AJ shrugged. “Good point. How about throwing things, Rok? That always makes most people feel better, and you won’t lose control either?”

Brian lifted a brow. “You telling me to be violent and break stuff, pal?”

“Absolutely,” AJ managed a smile.

Brian rubbed his eyes. “It’s like my heart’s been ripped out of my chest, and I keep asking God why this had to happen. I mean, where are they? Did the girls get fed, and is Luke okay? They’re babies, AJ,” he murmured. “And what about Sienna? What if, what if the bastard’s done something to her?” He tried not to think of the possibilities of what could have happened to her.

AJ put an arm around Brian’s shoulders. “Don’t, Bri. Don’t think about what could have happened to them. Just concentrate on how to get them back.”

“But that’s just it,” Brian said, frustrated. “There’s nothing more I can do. The police have nowhere to look because no one knows what the car this guy drove looks like. My best bet is to wait by the phone for someone to call and say they’ve seen Sienna. And I can’t wait because I’m going to go absolutely insane with the worry and the wondering.”

“Then take your mind off it,” AJ suggested.

Brian thought for a few moments, then he stood. “Let’s break shit, AJ. I’ll pretend everything I smash is the bastard’s face. God help him when I find him because he doesn’t stand a chance,” he added.

Lyrics from “Here With Me” Dido

And it hits me when I reach for you
That I'm afraid you won't be there

Two days passed with no word from anyone who may have seen his family, and Brian was starting to feel antsy. The media stayed camped outside his gates in case something happened. Fans joined the media quickly, and neither group showed signs of leaving. When Kevin had pulled through the gates on the third day after the kidnapping, he realized that the fans and media were respectfully staying outside the gates and not trying to get inside. He had gotten out of his car and thanked them, then, gathering up a few of the cards, flowers, and gifts from the fans, he had brought them in to Brian.

Brian could only stare at the sympathetic cards filled with sentiments such as, “We’ll find them, Brian!” and “Don’t lose hope! Your family will be safe!” among others. He had nearly wept when he’d picked up the set of three teddy bears with a card attached to them that read, “When your children come home, they’ll need something to hold onto. Hopefully, this will help!” Jackie had taken the cards and teddy bears and placed them in the den where Brian would not see them and feel worse.

Nick had arrived the day after the kidnapping, and, when he had hugged Brian, Brian had finally broken down. Nick simply held him as the sobs wracked through his body. When Jackie had tried to comfort her son, Nick had shaken his head silently, knowing that Brian was better off left alone to get all the grief, fear, and frustration out. After a while, Brian had sat up and wiped the tears off his cheeks.

“Sorry, man,” he gestured towards the tear-stained part of Nick’s shirt. “Want me to get you another one?”

Nick shook his head. “It’s okay, Bri. I’m just glad you finally got all that out. AJ told me you hadn’t cried yet. Just smashed stuff last night, I hear.”

Brian sighed. “I took out a mirror in the basement, a couple old vases, and stuff. It made me feel a little better, but it’s today, and my family’s still out there somewhere. With a psychopathic bastard.”

Nick squeezed his shoulder. “We’re going to find them, Brian. The whole country’s going to be looking for them now that you’ve put their pictures on the news and in the newspapers. It won’t be long, now.”

Lieutenant Sheridan and her aide came by each day to see if there was anything they had missed. Brian was grateful for their help and was furious that there really was nothing more any of them could do to help them. When Sheridan had apologized, Brian had waved it off and sincerely told her that if there was anything left unchecked, she had probably already checked it.

Then, on Saturday night, four days after the disappearance of his family, Brian’s cell phone rang. He had told everyone not to call his phone in hopes that the next time it rang, it would be the kidnapper. He froze and stared at it while it rang. Sheridan picked it up and handed it to him.

Brian flipped it open. “Hello?”

There was a small laugh on the other end of the line. “Well, well, well, Brian Littrell. What a fix you’re in. I have your family, your everything, and what do you have? Nothing,” a man’s muffled voice spoke.

“Who are you?” Brian demanded. “Look, if you’ll return my family, I swear to you, I’ll give you whatever you want. Just, please, bring them home.”

“I don’t think so, Brian. I’ve been having quite the time with them. Especially Sienna. Your daughters and son are nice and all, but it’s Sienna I’ve always wanted. And, now, I have her. You’ve probably got the cops trying to trace this call, so I’ll hang on a few more seconds. That way, they’ll find out where I am. The thrill of the chase,” he laughed. “It’s quite exciting. There, now. That’s a minute. Well, it’s been nice talking to you. Goodbye, Brian.” There was a click and Brian stared at the phone in his hand.

He turned to Sheridan, who was on the phone with the officers tracing the call. She looked over at him. “They’ve traced it to a town outside of Richmond, Virginia. We’re going to have to call the department there for further details,” she told him. “I’m doing that, now.”

Half an hour later, she came back and told him that the call had been traced to a telephone booth outside a movie theater. “There were cameras on the streetlight next to the telephone booth, and they show a man in a bulky coat, hat, and scarf walking to the booth. He looked up directly at the camera, and the screen goes black. The son of a bitch had a remote jammer,” she told him. “They’re very rare, and he knows exactly what he’s doing. Everything’s very well planned on his part.”

Brian sighed. “So, they’re in Virginia, then?”

Sheridan nodded. “Yeah, and, unfortunately, because it’s an out-of-state matter now, it’s no longer under the jurisdiction of the Lexington Police Department. The Feds are coming in on it, now.”

Brian frowned. “Are you talking about the FBI?” When she nodded, he sighed. “Does this mean you’re off the case—you and the rest of the Lexington PD?”

“I’m sorry, Brian. I really wanted to help you out, but trust me. The FBI is much more capable of handling this sort of situation than I could ever hope to be,” she reassured him.

Brian stood. “Well, thank you, Lieutenant. It’s been a pleasure, even under the circumstances.”

She nodded. “It has, and I’m sure your family will be home safe and sound, soon. I’ll pray for them,” she promised. An hour later, she and the rest of her team had cleared up and left, telling Brian that the FBI agent attached to the case would arrive the following day.

***

Sienna shifted in the corner of the room she had been thrust into and made sure Luke was getting enough milk. Of course, she thought, if she didn’t get much more to eat soon, there wouldn’t be anything to feed Luke after a while. She glanced over at the twins, who had been confined to an old playpen. They had been eating bits of bread and raw vegetables that Sienna had tried to soften before feeding them. Unfortunately, that wasn’t enough for them, so they grew tired easily and slept most of the time. Earlier, she had held them and realized that they both had fevers. Knowing she needed medicine for them, she tried to think of the best way to negotiate for it with their captor.

She looked over as the door opened, and he came in, setting down a bag on the rickety old table in the room. They were in what Sienna figured was a cellar. There was a small window set high up on the wall, the floor was cement, and the only furniture in the room was an old table and an ancient armchair with its springs and stuffing coming out. They’d been there about three days, Sienna had calculated.

She couldn’t remember exactly what had happened that first day. She had been napping with the twins and had been woken by the sound of crashing glass. Thinking AJ had dropped something, she opened her eyes in time to see a cloaked figure in black step through the broken window. She’d barely had time to scream when her mouth had been covered and a sickly sweet smell filled her nose. Thinking she had just been given chloroform, everything had gone dark.

When she’d woken, she had discovered that she was in the back of a van with heavily tinted windows. She had tried to look out of them but realized that she could barely see the cars on the road next to them. She had found Luke still in his carrier next to her and the twins curled next to each other at the opposite end of the van. Making sure that they were okay, she had collapsed on the floor, her limbs feeling lethargic and lightheadedness filling her. Figuring that she had been drugged properly, she had brought her children close to her and fallen asleep again.

She wondered how horrible it must be for Brian. He must be suffering, not knowing where they were and who had taken them. Sienna hoped he didn’t blame himself because it hadn’t been his fault that all this had happened. True, she couldn’t quite figure out how no alarms had gone off at the trespass, but, right now, all she cared about was getting out of this hellhole and taking her babies home safely.

Luke whimpered a little. Looking down, Sienna noticed that he had fallen asleep, so she buttoned up her blouse and placed him back into his carrier. Then, she glanced up at their captor as he moved towards her, a malicious glint in his eyes.

She met his gaze defiantly. “My children need medicine,” she told him.

He shrugged. “So? Do you think I care about your rugrats?”

“You should,” Sienna said. “If they die, you’ll have to add first-degree murder to the list of crimes you’ve committed.”

“No one’s going to figure out I’ve got you as long as I keep you shoved down here,” he told her, smiling evilly.

Sienna cocked her head. “What happened to you?” she wondered. “When did you snap and become psychotic?”

His grin vanished. “It was supposed to be me and you, Si. But, no, you had to have everything your way. Well, now we’re doing things my way, and I get the added bonus of watching your husband suffer,” his grin returned as he laughed a little. “Revenge is always sweet and always better served cold, darling.”

Sienna felt her blood run cold. “You’re never going to return us, are you?”

He shook his head and laughed again. “Nope. You’re mine, now and for always. Resign yourself to it.”

She took a deep breath and tried not to panic. She hadn’t panicked before, but now she realized that he had really and truly gone off the deep end. But she knew she had to take care of her kids—no matter what. “Okay,” she began. “If you plan on keeping me in this hellhole for always, get me the medicine for my kids. All I need is children’s cough syrup and fever remedy. I promise, if you get me this, I’ll do whatever you want.” She held her breath, waiting for his response.

He watched her closely, and then a viciously triumphant smile lit his face. “Whatever I want, huh? All right, then. I’ll get your kids their damn medicine and get all of you food. Good food,” he added. “As long as you do what I want.”

Sienna swallowed, fear making her heart pound in her chest. “Whatever you want,” she agreed, managing to speak over the ball of dread lodged in her throat.

***

Brian slipped into the back pew of the church for the Sunday service. He tried not to think about how this was the same church he had married Sienna in. It would only serve to increase the fear and worry that grew day by day. Half listening to the sermon, Brian buried his face in his hands and prayed for Sienna and his children’s safe return. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw their faces, and it made him feel guiltier for letting them down. Each minute they were out where he couldn’t reach them was killing him.

Brian knew that his friends and family were worried about him and what he was doing to himself in his grief. His mother would insist that he needed to eat, but he hadn’t had an appetite. How could he eat? Brian wondered. Were Sienna and the kids getting proper food? How could he eat when he didn’t know what was going on with them? Brian knew he wouldn’t be able to fully function until they were home where he could hold onto them for always.

He hoped that no one had noticed that he had yet to step foot into the bedroom he and Sienna had shared. He’d slept in the guestroom down the hall and refused to look into the nursery or playroom, either. Knowing that it would remind him of everything he’d done with his family, he’d stayed far from any of those rooms.

Brian glanced up as the sermon ended and tried to remain invisible as the congregation exited the church. Closing his eyes again, he prayed for patience and for his family to be safe, no matter where they were or who they were with. His mother had taught him that God could do anything for a person as long as they trusted him, so he silently sent up a plea to God to help him this time. Nothing that he’d asked for before and nothing he may ask for in the future would ever be as important, vital as the safety of his family.

Feeling a hand on his shoulder, Brian looked up into the kind face of the man who had just given the sermon. The same man, Brian knew, that had presided over his wedding ceremony.

“We’re praying for you, Brian,” Patrick McBride told him. He was a tall, lanky man in his early sixties with graying hair and kind blue eyes.

Brian sighed. “Thank you, but I’m so scared. I know God’s listening, I mean, he has to be listening, right? But I’m still terrified that my family is never going to be returned to me.”

“It’s okay to be scared. Let’s be honest, if you weren’t frightened for the safety of your family, I’d worry about you,” the older man told him. “God is listening, but, sometimes, it takes a bit of time before you hear His response, His solution. Don’t lose faith, Brian. Your wife and children will come home. Besides,” he smiled a little, “I think your wife is too strong to give up easily. If nothing else, count on the fact that she will have enough strength to bring herself and your children home.”

As he drove home, Brian realized that Sienna was strong. Hell, Brian thought, she was one of the strongest people he knew. With each knock life had given her, she’d gotten back up and continued on with her life. When her parents had died, she’d continued on to graduate from Columbia University and opened her own flower shop. When he’d left her for the wrong reasons three Christmases ago, she had managed to live her life, even after she’d discovered she was pregnant with the twins. She’d always been courageous, smart, and knew how to handle herself. Unfortunately, he was afraid that even Sienna had met her match in a man who could kidnap her and the babies from their secure fortress of a home without setting off any alarms and alerting the neighbors. Praying once more for patience, he pulled onto the road leading towards his neighborhood.

Lyrics from “I Got You” Nick Carter

But now I'm all alone
And I can't stop thinkin' of you
To hold you in my arms once again
Is all I wanna do

AJ sat at Brian’s kitchen table and stared into the mug of black coffee that had long since cooled in front of him. Nick sat across from him and frowned at the bowl of cereal he’d poured for himself over an hour ago. Neither of them had much of an appetite. Brian had gone to church that morning because it was Sunday and because he had been spending a good portion of each night there, praying for the safe return of his family. Nick wondered when the last time Brian had slept was. When he posed the question to AJ, AJ shrugged and said that Brian hadn’t even stepped into his own bedroom, so who knew if he even slept?

When the buzzer for the front gates rang, AJ looked at his watch. “Did anyone say they were coming by today before two? Because it’s only eleven, and I know Brian made everyone promise to stay away until two.”

Nick shrugged. “Let’s just find out.”

When they asked who was at the gates, they were met with a curt response. “Agent Regan Daniels. FBI,” a woman’s voice replied.

Nick and AJ stared at each other then hit the button to open the gate. “Did you know the FBI was coming?” Nick wondered.

AJ frowned. “I didn’t know. I mean, I knew the cops cleared out last night, but Brian just said that they were done with their part of the case. I thought that just meant that the cops in Virginia were going to take care of it, now. I guess not.”

“The FBI,” Nick said almost reverently. “How cool is that? If anyone can find Si and the babies, it’s got to be the FBI.”

AJ shook his head. “Christ, Nick. If they can’t find them, I don’t think anyone else could.”

They watched a dark sedan roll up the drive followed by another small car. They parked next to Sienna’s car, and six people got out.

“Holy shit,” Nick whispered. “Check out that one.”

AJ barely heard him as he watched a woman in sunglasses and dark suit walk up the path towards the door. Her dark red hair was pulled back to trail down her back and her face wore a no-nonsense attitude. AJ opened the door before she could ring the bell.

One brow arched. “Mr. McLean, I assume?” she greeted him, coolly. AJ nodded, wondering where the hell his voice had gone because he was usually able to deal well with women. Before he could say anything, she had stepped into the house and greeted Nick by name also.

“Wait a minute,” AJ discovered his voice. “You know who we are, but we don’t know who you are. Agent Daniels, I assume,” he wondered.

She nodded. “That’s right, gentlemen. And this is the rest of my team,” she gestured towards the four men and one woman who entered the house. “Agents Bishop, Clark, Lord, Harrison, and Rafferty. We’re taking over the Littrell kidnapping case from the Lexington Police Department because the case has become one extending through different states.”

AJ nodded. “Because the guy who kidnapped Sienna and her children called from Virginia, right? Will you be able to bring them home?” he demanded.

Regan slid her sunglasses on top of her head, revealing eyes the color of smoke. “We’re going to do our best to bring them home. In case you were wondering, Mr. McLean, I have yet to leave a case unsolved. And my field is kidnapping cases.”

AJ snorted in disbelief. “You’re what? Twenty-five? I’m supposed to believe that you’ve solved enough cases like this one to be able to say you can bring them home?” He ignored Nick’s sound of protest. “Not to alienate you from the start, Agent Daniels, but I find it hard to believe you can solve this case. You seem like you just started last year.”

Regan’s expression hardened. “I’ve worked for the FBI since I was twenty-two. That’s six years, Mr. McLean. Or did your touring tutor not teach you the minimal math that required to compute it?” When her team murmured behind her, she ignored them and, stepping up to AJ, she tapped a finger on his chest. “Unless you know how to follow a suspect carrying precious cargo through several states and have done so at least two hundred times before, stay out of my work, and I’ll stay out of yours.” She stepped back. “Now, where’s Mr. Littrell?”

“Right here,” Brian called from the front door. He stepped into his home and walked towards Regan. “That was quite the pissing match you and AJ had there, Agent Daniels. Although it answered my concerns about you. So, thanks, Alex,” he nodded at AJ, who shrugged.

“And your concerns would be?” Regan wondered.

“Exactly how hard you would try to bring my family home,” Brian answered simply. “I think it’s safe to say that you don’t plan on leaving until you find them. So, I’m trusting you to bring them back to me.”

Her expression softened. “Mr. Littrell, I promise you that I will do whatever is in my power to find the man who took your family and bring him to justice. Before that, however, I plan on finding your wife and children and bringing them home—where they belong.”

Brian watched her for a few moments then nodded. “Okay then. Call me Brian,” he told her. “You’re going to help find my family. The least you can do is call me by my first name, and these two, too,” he added, gesturing towards AJ and Nick.

Regan nodded. “Call me Regan, then.” At Brian’s nod, she continued. “I think it’s best if we just got started right away. I have all the materials from the LPD, so I know what they’ve uncovered so far. Is there a room that I could use to set up my equipment in, Brian? I mean, if you want us to work out of your home, of course,” she added quickly.

Brian nodded. “I wouldn’t let you work anywhere else. I want to be there the instant you find anything, so you can have my office.”

As he led the FBI agents down the hall towards his office, Nick turned to AJ. “What the hell are you doing, AJ? We need her to help us, so you can’t go off and be an asshole to her!”

AJ shrugged. “There’s something about her that just rubs me the wrong way. I don’t know what it is, though.”

Nick arched a brow. “Rubs you the wrong way? Damn, if I could rub her the right way—oof! Hey, what was that for?” Nick complained, rubbing the side AJ had punched him in.

“Keep your hands off the FBI agents, Nicky. We can’t have her focusing on your good looks instead of Sienna. Let her focus on what’s important. Meanwhile, I think we’d better hang around and see what goes on, huh?” At Nick’s nod, they headed down the way the others had gone.

***

For dinner that evening, Kristin had dropped off a roasted chicken with vegetables for the people who remained in Brian’s home. He had asked his family and friends not to spend time at the house because it would only distract the agents from doing their jobs properly. And, Brian had explained, if they couldn’t do their jobs properly, then how could they be expected to find Sienna, Luke, Kara, and Serena? After that, everyone had agreed not to come over but to simply drop off meals. Nick and AJ had firmly told Brian they weren’t going anywhere, but he told them that he was glad they were there; that he needed their support, now.

After setting up their equipment in Brian’s office, Regan had told Brian the same thing Lieutenant Sheridan had: until the kidnapper called again, the only thing they could do was wait. At least they now knew that Sienna was somewhere in Virginia—for the time being, anyway. When she had been getting ready to leave for the night, Brian had stopped her and offered her a room in his home.

“I’ve got plenty of space,” he reminded her. “I could put up your entire team, if you want.”

She smiled. “Brian, it’s a thoughtful offer, but I couldn’t have all six of us stay.” When she’d seen the look on his face, she’d relented. “Okay, then. I’ll stay, but I’m going to send my team off. I hope that’s okay.”

Brian smiled. “That’s good. Thank you.”

Now, Regan joined Brian, AJ, and Nick for dinner. As they sat eating, AJ could feel the tension descend on the table. Nick ate as Nick always ate—happily and until he was full. Regan cleared off her plate, but AJ noticed that she hadn’t put much on it to begin with. She had bird bones and was a willowy three inches shorter than his five foot nine height. His concerned gaze fell on Brian, who everyone else seemed to be furtively watching. Brian poked at the chicken, bit off a piece here, nibbled there, and then set his fork down and caught AJ watching him.

“What?” Brian wondered. At AJ’s pointed glance, he pushed himself back from the table. “I can’t eat, okay? I can’t do anything normal until I know they’re okay. What if they haven’t eaten, Alex? How can I eat when they might be starving somewhere?”

Regan motioned for AJ to not say anything. “Brian, it’s not going to help your wife when she comes home to find her husband falling over and weak. Instead of you being strong for her, she’s going to have to be strong you. How is that going to help her?”

Brian let out a frustrated sigh. “Fine,” he muttered. “I’ll eat, but only because I know everyone talks about me when they think I can’t hear them. I’ll eat and then y’all can just be quiet and focus more on my family than me.”

They finished the meal in silence, and AJ cleaned up the kitchen area, while Brian showed Regan to the room she would be staying in and Nick went outside to wander the gardens. AJ had become quite adept at cleaning the kitchen and doing dishes in the last week and actually found it therapeutic. As he washed the plates and glasses and set them in the dishwasher, he tried not to think about Sienna or the kids and instead focused on the newest member of the puzzle—Regan. He couldn’t understand why she had gotten under his skin as quickly as she had. All she’d had to do was open her mouth and he’d been annoyed. No, AJ corrected himself. She’d fascinated him. This woman was to find Sienna and the babies? She looked as though she had barely made it out of college and was now supposed to help out with a huge case such as this one? Maybe it was because she was a lovely woman. He’d never had problems with them before. Then again, AJ mused, yeah, she was pretty, but he’d found all females pretty in one way or another. Although she was attractive in a quiet, girl-next-door way. He’d never been attracted to that, so he knew that he’d simply have to restrain Nick from doing anything stupid.

Wiping off the counters, he quashed the urge for a cigarette and went to join Nick outside in the bracing cold.

***

Late that night, after she had made sure that the men in the house were asleep, Regan tiptoed out of the gorgeous bedroom Brian had lent her to explore the house. She hadn’t seen more than the study, kitchen, and part of the upstairs during the day. Now, she thought, now she could finally move around the house and get an idea for who exactly it was that she was fighting for. Who were the Littrells, she wondered. For that matter, what kind of a relationship and home had Brian and Sienna built? It was these things that Regan dug into in order to get the full feel of a case—she needed to know who she was helping.

The living room was decadently decorated with plenty of flower arrangements that had begun to wilt. Regan assumed they were from the flower shop that Sienna ran, but no one had cared for them in the mess of the past week. She glanced over the pictures scattered through each room. Most of them were of the children, and Regan had to smile at how pretty the babies were. Other pictures were of Brian and Sienna’s wedding day and their friends and families.

She walked into the den and stopped. “Sorry,” she murmured. “I didn’t think anyone was awake.”

AJ simply watched her in the dim light of the lamp he had flicked on when she’d walked in. “No worries,” he told her. “I was just sitting here, thinking. You’re welcome to look around,” he offered. “Isn’t that what you’ve been doing for the last half hour?”

Regan blushed at having been found out, then she was annoyed with herself for being embarrassed. “I needed to get a feel for Brian and Sienna and their family. It helps me to know who it is I’m helping,” she informed him.

“And?” AJ asked.

Regan sighed and sat on an armchair across from him. “And I’ve discovered that they’re parents who are raising three of the most beautiful children in the world. Everything that’s happening to them now is ridiculous. I hate that such terrible things happen to the best of people,” she added. “But, I will find them and bring them home. Trust me.”

AJ said nothing for a several moments. “You know, the funny thing is, I do trust you, Regan Daniels. I think you’re a woman who knows what she wants and gets it. If you want Sienna and the kids back, I think you’ll get them back. So, thank you ahead of time.”

“You’re welcome,” she replied.

They fell into a silence for a time, and Regan tried to figure him out. She’d read up on all the Backstreet Boys, and AJ and Nick had had the most colorful pasts. AJ had cleaned up his act, though, Regan knew. He’d gone through the alcoholism and drug abuse, stuck himself through rehabilitation, and he’d come out the other side much cleaner. She had to admire that, she knew. Especially since she knew all about tough times and bringing yourself out of them.

When he’d snapped at her earlier, she had been hurt. She’d barely known him, but she’d felt hurt when he’d snubbed her. And that, she realized, might become a problem. She’d never felt anything more than friendly affection towards a man in the last eight years, but she was afraid that if AJ looked at her with those eyes, she might ruin her record. It was ridiculous, she kept telling herself even as she sat here in the dim light with him. How was it that she could so easily be attracted to a man after going years without caring about one? She’d barely known him twelve hours and already, Regan knew he’d be dangerous.

“You know what, Regan?” AJ turned to her. “You could be a potential problem in my small world.”

She frowned at him. “Excuse me? I could be a problem?”

AJ shrugged. “Sure. You’re a beautiful woman, which could prove a problem because Nick’s already got his eye on you.”

The frantic dance her heart had done when he’d called her beautiful came to an abrupt halt. “Nick? He’s a baby,” she reminded him. “He might start to have a puppy dog crush, but I’m here in a strictly professional capacity,” she reminded AJ and herself. “The most I can be is a friend. Which is probably more than I should be, anyway,” she added.

AJ nodded. “I’m going to have to remind him of that. He knows you can’t be distracted because you have to focus on the case, on bringing Bri’s family home. However, I can’t guarantee that you’ll be able to resist the Carter charm.”

Regan stood. “Don’t worry, AJ. I have incredible will power. I’m sure I’ll be fine. I should be getting to bed, now,” she murmured. “Otherwise, I won’t be able to concentrate tomorrow on the important things. So, good night.”

AJ nodded and watched her go. He may have lied to her, AJ thought. He knew Nick would probably develop a thing for her, but he was afraid that he might, too. Shaking his head, he stood. With his background, going for an FBI agent was probably the worst thing he could do. So, he wouldn’t. He would help with the case and keep his distance from her. That would be the best way to go all around, AJ thought and, switching off the lamp, left the room.

Lyrics from “Can’t Stop Thinkin’ Of You” Backstreet Boys

I know, oh yes, I know
That we can’t be together
But I just like to dream

Shane Roberts drove aimlessly around Lexington, his thoughts centered on his missing cousin and her children. Sienna was more than just a cousin to him, though. Since they were nearly the same age, they had done everything together when they were younger. Sienna had confided in him about anything and everything from school to boys to whatever, and he’d done the same. They’d been closer than brother and sister, and their mothers had called them twins. When he’d left the country at eighteen to take his photography to Ireland, she’d been hurt and confused by his decision to leave her behind. He’d felt guiltier when her parents had died and he hadn’t had enough money to make it back home, but she’d forgiven him. Sienna’s children had become the center of his world several months before, and not seeing them or knowing where they might be every day was killing him.

And now, Shane thought, now she’d been taken from her home, where she and her children should’ve been safe. Brian was a wreck, though if anyone were to say anything to him, he would snap at them. However, he had called Shane in the middle of the night, the day before he’d gotten the phone call from the kidnapper, and they’d talked for two hours. Brian had poured out all of his fears about his wife and children, knowing that Shane understood how he and Sienna worked. In turn, Brian had listened to Shane’s worries for his favorite cousin. It was almost comical, Shane mused, because, two years ago, he had been the reason Brian had mistakenly left Sienna. Now, they went to each other for comfort over the loss of her.

Spotting Sienna’s Flowers, Shane hastily parallel parked his car and walked up to the store. It was closed because it was after six, but Shane could see Marlena busily tidying up. She had refused to close the shop because she claimed that Sienna would probably kill her for not taking care of it. Watching her made Shane ache, though. They had lived together for over a year, and he’d been in love with her. He was still in love with her, Shane admitted to himself. He couldn’t get over her and didn’t think he was ever meant to. Before she had broken things off, claiming that his work, which took him all over the world for celebrity photo shoots, took him too far away from her too often, he’d planned on asking her to marry him. He still had the ring, Shane remembered. It sat on the top shelf of his closet, now, and he didn’t think he could ever give another woman what he’d wanted to give Marlena so badly.

Pushing those thoughts aside, he knocked on the window. When Marlena looked up, he saw an unreadable expression flit across her face before she moved to open the door.

“It’s closed,” she told him upon opening the door.

Shane watched her. “I know. I just—I needed to see it. Please,” he added.

Her expression softening when she understood, she stood aside and let him in. While she continued to clean up, he wandered the shop, remembering the love and care Sienna had poured into it for eight years. Marlena watched him when she thought he wouldn’t see her. She couldn’t help feeling sad for him because she knew the close relationship he had with Sienna. While she herself missed Sienna, the employer who had become a wonderful friend, she wondered how deep Shane’s pain went and how much he was able to mask. Part of her yearned to reach out to him and offer her shoulder to lean on, but she knew it would do nothing to help either of them move on from a relationship she had ended five months before.

“Can I go back to her office?” Shane asked, walking over to her. “I’ll leave after that. I promise.” He tried flashing his signature grin, one that made his emerald eyes sparkle, but couldn’t quite pull it off.

Marlena shrugged. “Go ahead. Si wouldn’t mind.” Nodding, he ran a weary hand through deep brown hair as he walked down the hallway behind the register.

Marlena watched as he disappeared into the office, then she turned and rested her forehead against a shelf full of azaleas. What was she going to do, she wondered. How could she keep her feelings, her heart on an even keel when she saw him looking so downhearted, so unhappy? Squeezing deep brown eyes shut, she took a deep breath to prevent herself from crying. She’d done all the crying she was going to do over Shane, she reminded herself. These tears, if they ever flowed, would be for Sienna, her children, and Brian.

Fifteen minutes later, she dumped the bills she’d counted and recorded from the register into a bag. Pushing her dark blonde hair out of her face, she carried the bag to put into a safe in Sienna’s office for safekeeping. However, she froze as she stepped through the doorway of the room. Shane wept, his head on Sienna’s desk. He clutched a framed photograph in his right hand. She’d never seen him like this in all the time they’d been together. He’d always been the one in control, while she could become teary and sentimental at the drop of a hat.

Marlena dropped the bag next to the desk and went around to lay a hand on his shoulder. “Shane? Talk to me, please,” she asked him.

He glanced up at her, tears running down his handsome face. “I can’t get over it,” he managed to say before sobbing again.

She pried the frame from his hand and looked down at it. It was a picture of Shane and Sienna, who had been several months pregnant with Luke, sitting by the pool Sienna and Brian owned. She looked angry with him over something and had her hands out, seeming ready to push him into the pool. His arms were raised as he grinned at her. Though she looked angry, Marlena knew that they were both happy in this picture. She smiled as she saw Brian holding the twins, who were clapping behind their mother. Her smile disappearing, she sent up another prayer to God to keep them safe and sound wherever they were.

Knowing she couldn’t hold out against his pain, Marlena put her arms around Shane as he wept for the loss of the woman who had been his closest confidante all his life. When his sobs subsided into quiet shudders, he shifted out of her arms and pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes to reduce the pressure of grief.

“Thanks,” he said, managing a small smile. “You didn’t have to do that.”

She shook her head. “If it helped you feel better, that’s all that counts.” When he looked down at his hands and sighed heavily, she took his hands in hers. “Shane, they’ll come home soon. The FBI will find whoever took them and bring Si and the babies home.”

He pulled his hands from hers and stood. Marlena tried not to feel hurt at the gesture. “You know, there’s a part of me that truly believes they’ll be brought home. But there’s still another part of me that’s afraid they’re gone. Brian feels the same way,” he added.

“Have a little faith that things will work out, Shane,” she began but he cut her off with a look.

“You know, Lena,” he began, using the nickname he’d given her when they’d been together. “In my life, I’ve loved four women—really and truly with all my heart loved four women. My mother and sister have been there from the start. So has Sienna. But she’s been taken from us in such a cruel way and I can’t sleep because I worry about her and the babies. I can’t stand to think they’re hurting or scared, but there’s nothing I can do.”

“Shane, Sienna’s a strong woman. She can and will get herself through this if for no other reason than to get her children home and out of danger,” Marlena told him.

He watched for a few moments, an unreadable expression in his eyes. “You’re the fourth woman I’ve loved, Lena. I know you don’t want to hear it now, but it’s true. In six months, I went from being the happiest, luckiest man in the world to the most miserable because I lost you and Sienna. I’d be lying to myself if I told you I wasn’t still in love with you,” he told her.

Marlena shook her head. “Shane, you know I can’t go back there again,” she began.

“I’m not asking you to go back there! I just need you to hear me out, Lena,” he said, nearly losing his patience. “I let you have your say six months ago. Now, it’s my turn. I am in love with you and have been since we met. I can’t tell you why, but it’s always been you I’ve been moving towards my whole life. You told me you couldn’t be with me because you couldn’t handle being away from me so much because my work took me all over the world. But, you never let me tell you that I’m willing to compromise, Lena. I could’ve told you that I was thinking of quitting celeb photographing to open my own photography place here, in Lexington. Hell, I bought a workspace the week before we split,” he told her and watched surprise flit across her face.

“Shane, you never told me,” she managed to say.

“Because you didn’t give me the chance to,” he reminded her. “I was willing to do anything for you, Lena. I love you, and it’s not something I take lightly. I wish you’d trusted me more, but, now, there’s nothing I can do. I’m not telling you this to make you sad; it’s just something I thought you should know.” He moved towards the door and looked back at her. “Thanks for letting me in after closing and for giving me some small comfort. Take care of yourself, darling.” And he was gone.

Marlena sat for a few moments and absorbed it all. She’d had a man head over heels in love with her, so much so that he’d decided to change his world for her. And what had she done? She’d made him leave. Twice, Marlena reminded herself. Realizing she couldn’t make a mistake with him again, she dashed into the store.

“Shane!” He turned from the door he’d been about to push open to the street to watch her rush towards him. “Don’t go. Please, God, don’t leave,” she nearly begged.

Shane looked down into her eyes, finally seeing what he’d yearned for for six months. “What are you asking, Lena?” he asked quietly.

She caught her breath and looked into his eyes. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t trust you more. I don’t want you to leave again. I need you to stay, Shane. Stay with me, please,” she finished.

“Why?”

The question was simple, and so, Marlena realized, was the answer. “Because I love you,” she told him and watched the grin spread across his tired features. When he scooped her up and, pressing his lips to hers, spun her around, she could see their future—and it looked damn good.

***

I believe in you
I’d give up everything just to find you
I have to be with you
To live, to breathe

Several miles from where two friends of his were beginning to get their lives back on track, Brian stood outside the door to the bedroom he and Sienna shared and tried to muster up the courage to step through it. He was terrified of the memories that would assault him. Just standing outside the door was bringing back memories of when he would walk up the stairs at the end of the day and find Sienna waiting for him. Squeezing his eyes shut, he tried to control the pent up sobs that threatened to break him down.

He was glad no one was here to watch him struggle with himself. AJ and Nick had gone out to relieve their own tension. Brian was happy that they were there to help him get through each day, but he was also happy that they knew when he needed space. The team of FBI agents had dispersed that morning to interview Sienna’s family and friends to try to discover if there was anyone in the past that could potentially be a suspect. They had yet to return, although he knew Regan had come back and was set up in the office downstairs. Last time he’d checked on her, she had been on the phone with the police in the town where the last phone call had come from, trying to figure out where the guy could have gone and if anyone had witnessed him making the phone call.

Brian took a deep breath, calming himself down enough to gather the energy to open the door. As he turned the doorknob, the gate buzzer sounded, and he used it as an excuse to leave the door shut a while longer.

By the time he made it down the stairs, Regan was already at the speaker. She turned when he reached her.

“Do you know anyone by the name of Kelly Monaco?” she asked him.

Brian frowned. He hadn’t heard from Kelly since October when she had called to tell him she thought she’d found the man of her dreams. She’d been in a fender bender during one of LA’s worst rush hours. After exchanging insurance information, the man who’d bumped into her car had invited her out for dinner. Kelly had accepted and was thrilled with the man, who had turned out to be an architect.

Brian looked over at Regan, now. “Yeah,” he nodded. “Yes, I do. We can let her in.” Regan hit the button then disappeared back into the office, leaving Brian to greet Kelly.

When he opened the door for her, Kelly launched herself into his arms. “Oh, Brian, I’m so sorry! I got here as soon as I could, even though it took a while. The directors and writers wouldn’t let me go,” she explained, leaning back and looking into his eyes. “Oh, Bri, everyone’s on the lookout for them. They’ll be home soon.”

He nodded and stepped back to let her into the house fully. “I’m glad you’re here,” he told her. “Which is strange because I don’t want to see any of my family and friends, except for AJ and Nick who are camped out here. Everyone else is so suffocating with all their caring and concern. And I feel terrible even thinking badly of them,” he added.

Kelly shook her head. “It’s understandable. I mean, with everyone here you must not have gotten enough time alone to just absorb what happened, huh?” At his nod, she continued. “If you want, I could stay in a hotel room and just drop by during the day. It’s not a problem.”

Brian sighed. “No, no. You’re welcome to stay, really. The only other person here besides AJ and Nick is Regan.” At her look, he added, “She’s the head of the FBI team helping to find Sienna and our kids. You can meet her, if you want.”

Kelly nodded. “That’d be good. Is the FBI set up here? Like in your house?”

“Yeah, I didn’t want them far away. I want to be there the instant there’s any news of anything. Plus, the bastard who took my family calls me, so I thought it’d be a good idea to have them here if he calls back, you know?”

She agreed. “Besides, it’ll make you feel more secure, too.” At his small smile, she reached out and squeezed his hand. “They’ll be home soon, Brian. I have a good feeling about this.”

Brian watched her for a few moments as he led her towards the office to meet Regan. “Kelly,” he finally said, “why did you drop everything and come? I mean, I like that you’re here, but we haven’t spoken in months. And, suddenly, here you are.”

She sighed. “I know, I’m sorry that I didn’t keep in touch, Bri. I mean, I heard about Luke being born, but I was so involved with Trace. Architect,” she explained at his confused look. “But, he’s out of the way, now. Things didn’t work out the way I wanted them to, but it was mostly me not being satisfied. But, yeah,” she returned to the subject. “When I heard about what happened, I thought my heart stopped beating. All I could think was ‘those poor babies and Sienna’. I had to see you, to make sure you were okay. Which, of course, you’re not. But, who would be, right?”

Brian listened to her ramblings with a smile. She was making him feel better, he thought, just as she had two years ago. For that, he was thankful. He enveloped her in a hug. “Thanks for coming. For dropping your life to help me pick up the pieces and deal with mine,” he murmured into her hair.

She leaned back and brushed a kiss over his cheek. “I’d do it for anyone I cared about, Brian. It’s what friends do. I just want to be here in case you need anything.”

He squeezed her hand, then opened the door to the office, where Regan was consulting a map on the computer screen. She turned when the came in and stood.

“Regan, sorry to interrupt,” Brian began. “Kelly wanted to meet you, so I thought we’d stop in. So, Kelly Monaco, Agent Regan Daniels. Regan, Kelly Monaco.”

Regan held out a hand. “It’s nice to meet you,” she told Kelly. “I think my mother watched “General Hospital” and said something about how amazing you are.”

Kelly grinned. “Thanks. It’s always nice to hear.” She looked around the room at all the maps that were set up alongside machines that clicked every so often. “Wow, I’m not even going to ask what all these things do. I’m just going to trust that you’ll bring Si, Kara, Serena, and Luke home safely.”

“That’s why I’m here,” Regan said. “I haven’t failed a case yet, and I don’t intend for this to be my first one.”

Kelly grinned at Brian as they left the study. “I like her. Why does she get to be so pretty? I wish I had that hair and eye color combination.” She shook her head at herself. “Sorry. Anyway, I trust her, and, obviously, so do you. When did the FBI get here?”

“Three days ago,” Brian told her. “They’ve been doing everything possible, but, when there’s not so much evidence, there’s not a lot they can do.”

Kelly squeezed his hand reassuringly. “Don’t worry, Brian. Regan’ll find them and bring them home.” She glanced in the direction of the front door when she heard it open. “Who’s here?”

Brian shrugged. “AJ and Nick probably. They went out to blow off steam. This whole thing has been bothering AJ a lot because he blames himself for not watching them more carefully.”

They both looked up as AJ and Nick bounced in to the kitchen. AJ stopped when he saw Kelly, then a grin spread across his face.

“Hot damn! We’ve got us a pretty one,” he told Nick. He hugged Kelly. “How are you? When did you get here? And how the hell do you get prettier every time I see you?”

She grinned appreciatively. “AJ, I might ask you the same thing myself. I got here a little while ago, and I’m doing well. Which is more than I can say for all of you,” she added.

Nick sighed and sat next to Brian. “Well, it’s tough,” he told her. “The worrying and stressing is a real burden. But I don’t know if I could stop myself from worrying, you know?”

Kelly nodded. “If you didn’t worry, I’d think something were wrong with you. Anyway, I’m here to help. Anything you need done around this place, Brian, I’m your girl.”

“Thanks, Kelly,” Brian acknowledged her offer. He stood. “It’s getting a little late, so I think I’m going to head up to bed. I can show you your room, though,” he told her.

Saying good night to the other two, Brian and Kelly headed up the stairs, leaving Nick and AJ to stay at the table.

Nick looked over at AJ. “We should have tragic accidents, man. Then we’d get all the women worried about us, too.”

AJ scowled. “It’s not funny, Nick. This whole kidnapping deal is fucking scary, not cool. Kelly’s here because she’s worried about Brian, Sienna, and the kids.”

“I know,” Nick shook his head. “I was just trying to lighten the mood, AJ.”

“Yeah, well, lighten it somewhere else. I’m going to bed, too,” he told Nick and headed down the hall, leaving a muttering Nick behind.

As he passed the closed door to Brian’s study, he decided to stop in and see what was going on with Regan and the case. He’d tried to avoid spending time with her because he was afraid of his own self-restraint. Or the lack of, AJ reminded himself. She was tempting, but with any other woman, he could’ve shrugged and moved on. He couldn’t understand why she had become so embedded in his mind.

Shrugging it off, AJ pushed open the door to find her on the phone. She held up a hand for him to wait, so AJ wandered in and sat in a chair in the corner. He noted a giant map of a Virginia town enlarged on the computer screen. It had several red tick marks slashed across it, and he wondered what that meant. As he looked around at the various tools of her trade, AJ listened with half an ear to her conversation.

“Did you cross-check his background?…Nothing? Are you sure?…Jesus, who is this guy? How about old college friends? Ask Mrs. Dorough about those, too…No, not tonight. She’s got a newborn to take care of. Go by tomorrow morning. Okay…No, there’s nothing new here. Just head back to the hotel. I’ll call in the morning. Okay, thanks, Bishop. `Bye.” Hanging up, Regan turned to AJ. “Did you need something?”

AJ watched her for a few moments. She seemed a bit frazzled, and her hair had fallen out of the neat twist it had been in that morning. Her eyes seemed tired, and he wondered how much sleep she had been getting. He shrugged. “I just wanted to see if there was anything new. Which I’m assuming there isn’t.”

Regan sighed and sat in the desk chair. “No, there really isn’t anything new. We’ve been asking around for people who might have a grudge with Sienna and Brian, but, so far, we’ve turned up absolutely nothing. It’s frustrating, but there’s got to be something, somewhere.” She rubbed the back of her neck, wincing a little, and AJ frowned.

“Have you gotten any sleep?” he asked her.

She glanced over at him, surprised by the question. “I get enough, so don’t worry about me,” she told him.

AJ shook his head. “I don’t think you do, but, hey, it’s not my problem, right? I was just concerned about you. Or am I not allowed to do that?”

Regan closed her eyes briefly. “AJ, I don’t need you worrying about me. Really. I’m not going to overwork myself. I know my limits, and I won’t overdo it. Besides,” she added, “I can never get much sleep when I’m working a case, and this one is more frustrating than most. So, go, get some sleep. I’ll be fine. There’s not much more I can do here, anyway, so I’ll probably turn in soon.”

AJ stood. “Okay. Well, then, good night,” he said and left.

Regan sat back in her chair and tried to ease the tension headache she was beginning to get. Why did he have to be so concerned about her? It would be easier if he just asked her about the case, tried to help, and was done with it. But, no, he had to ask how she was and be genuinely concerned for her well-being. She didn’t know how long she could handle being around him and was afraid that she might have to move her work away from where she would have any contact with him. She hadn’t had any feelings for a man in years, and now, in the middle of an important case, was not the best time for her to develop them.

Turning back to the screen to run through more names, she tried to concentrate on the work and realized that she was more tired than she had thought. Knowing there was nothing more she could do tonight, she switched off the computer, tidied up the work area, and headed for her room.

Lyrics from “Flying High” Jem and “Taking Over Me” Evanescence

Do I gotta stand in the cold dark night
'Til the morning light, yeah
Do I have to say I won't let you get away
You know I can't go on living like we do
Do I have to cry for you, yeah


Kara and Serena giggled over the building blocks they played with on the floor of the playroom Brian and Sienna had decorated and stocked with every toy they thought their daughters would enjoy. Brian watched them from the doorway and smiled at how quickly they were growing. It seemed like it had only been a few days since he had held onto Sienna as she gave birth to them. Somehow, it had become over a year and a half and they had grown into two, healthy, playful girls.

Sienna came up behind him and rested her chin on his shoulder. “They’re amazing, aren’t they?” she murmured to him. “Every time I watch them, it’s that much more amazing to think that we created them. That they came from us.”

“From our love,” Brian added. He kissed the tip of her nose. “Luke’s sleeping?”

She smiled and linked her arm through his. “Yeah, I just had to feed him and off he went. I think he’s finally throwing off that cold that we’re worried about,” she told him.

“Yeah?” Brian sighed, relieved. “I was afraid we’d have to take him back to the doctor and say that the medicine wasn’t working. He’s breathing easier now?”

Sienna nodded. “Yup, which is why he was able to fall asleep more quickly this time.” She glanced over as Kara and Serena began to throw the blocks at each other. “Uh-oh. Trouble in paradise,” she grinned at him and went to break up the twins’ fight.

Brian watched his family, happy that they were all safe and healthy. He’d believed them to be lost to him, but he was content to know that they were back where he could take care of them. He never wanted to leave them again, not even for the music he loved. He had yet to tell Sienna about his plans to stop singing professionally. He didn’t think she’d be happy with it, but she would come to understand that it was for the best. He didn’t want anything to happen to them again, and, by staying close to them, he could ensure that nothing would.

As he watched them, the sunlight streaming in through the windows seemed to grow and blind him. He could no longer see Sienna and the girls, and their voices were growing distant. Panic filling him, he stepped into the room only to find a hole in the floor. As he fell, he called for them, desperate to hold onto them.

***

Brian woke calling for Sienna and realized that he wasn’t in the playroom or his own bedroom. He was in a bed in the guestroom next to the one he’d given Kelly the night before, and his family was still missing. The moonlight was streaming in through the open curtains, and the shirt he wore was soaked through with sweat.

Yanking the shirt over his head, he rolled out of bed and walked over to the suitcase of clothes Holly had sent back to him when he’d cancelled the rest of the tour. Pulling it open, he realized that he’d run through all the clothing that he’d packed. Knowing that he had no choice but to go back to his own room for clothing, he panicked. He hadn’t managed to open the door earlier, how could he do it now while the remnants of that dream were still floating through his hazy mind?

Brian stepped into the hallway and shivered—not from the cold, he knew, but from the idea of going back to a place that reminded him of his wife. Reaching the door at the end of the hall, he placed a hand on the doorknob. Once he pushed it open, Brian knew, he’d have to go through and see the traces of Sienna everywhere. His favorite part about their room had been the fact that he could smell the fragrant perfume she wore every time he stepped into the room. The scent had become permanently imprinted in his mind and would always remind him of home.

“Brian?”

He jumped and turned around. “Oh, jeez! Kelly, you nearly killed me there!” He took in her pajama-clad figure and sleep-tousled eyes and hair. “What are you doing up?”

Her brow furrowed. “I heard you yell, so I thought maybe you’d had a nightmare. When I came into the hallway, I saw you standing here. Are you okay?”

Brian glanced back at the door then looked at her again. “Honestly? No. I haven’t managed to open the door to my room and go into it, yet. I’m afraid to,” he whispered.

She stepped forward and placed a hand on his arm. “Brian, I know you don’t want to go in there because you’re afraid of the memories, right?” When he nodded, she went on. “The thing is, if you go inside and face them, it’ll be easier. Seriously. I think it might even comfort you, remembering all the things you and Sienna talked about and shared in there. The things you’re going to share again when she gets home,” she added firmly.

Brian nodded and placed his hand on the knob again. “Kelly?” he asked with his back to her.

“Yeah?”

“Just wait out here for me, okay?”

“I will,” she promised and he stepped into the room.

Her scent hit him as he had known it would, and Brian stood absorbing it, remembering all the times he’d watched Sienna dab it on in the morning. She would be telling him everything that needed to be accomplished that day and something about the babies, while he would sit on the bed and watch her scent herself. Afterwards, he’d hook an arm around her waist and nuzzle her, so he could catch the fragrance and hold onto it for the rest of the day. She’d always laugh and say that she’d smell like him now, but he knew she enjoyed being close to him, too.

Accepting the memory, Brian opened his eyes and headed towards the dressing table, which was closest to him. Her jewelry was spread across the top as though she had dug through it that last day in order to find just the right thing to wear. He fingered the emerald and pearl choker he’d given her for their first anniversary and tried not to think of how happy they’d been that night.

Looking up at the mirror, he could see their bed behind him. Remembering the last night they’d been together, two days before she and their children had been taken, his knees nearly buckled. How long, he wondered, how long would they be out there without him knowing where to find them? How long would they spend in captivity with a nameless, faceless captor? His hands fisted as he wished he could pound the closest object, while knowing he couldn’t destroy something to bring them back.

Tears blinding him, he stumbled towards the bed and collapsed on it.

***

Kelly stood in the hall outside the master bedroom Brian had gone into and waited for him to come out and tell her it was okay. That he was okay going in there and facing what was currently lost to him. When she heard the heart-wrenching sobs, she rushed into the room and found him curled into a ball on the bed. Her heart broke for him as she took in his tear-streaked face. The sobs sounded as though they came from some deep, dark place within him that had simply been storing them for too long. Which, Kelly supposed, they probably were.

She reached the bed and, smoothing open one of his fists, held onto his hand, waiting for the sobs to subside. She wished she could make his pain disappear, that she could miraculously find his family and bring them home. Knowing she could do neither, Kelly simply held onto him.

Several minutes later, Brian dragged himself into a sitting position and looked over at her. “Thanks,” he whispered. “Thank you for being here. It was just too much,” he tried to explain, but she shook her head.

“Brian, it’s okay. You’re allowed to cry, and I’m supposed to hold your hand. Like I told you, it’s what I would do for any friend of mine,” she told him.

“Still,” he murmured, then patted the space beside him. “You might as well climb up here. I don’t think I can budge, and I think I’ve interrupted your sleep beyond repair.”

Shaking her head, Kelly sat next to him. “It’s okay. Most nights, I’m an insomniac anyway, so it’s not such a big deal. Did coming in here make you feel any better?”

Brian sighed. “One step at a time. I think it should be my motto, right now. It’s difficult because I can smell her in here—the perfume she wore. Her jewelry on the dresser, knowing if I open the closet, her clothes will be there. It all brings back how much I could lose if they’re not found. And that’s just Sienna,” he added. “I don’t know how long it’ll be before I get enough courage to go into the nursery or the playroom.”

“Like you said, one step at a time, Bri. Don’t rush yourself,” she advised. “So, do you want to tell me why I heard you scream? Nightmare?” she wondered.

Brian nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, I dreamed that they were back and safe. I was watching the twins play in the playroom and Sienna stood with me. We were talking about how lucky we were with our children. Luke was recovering from a cold, so we talked about that. The twins started arguing over building blocks, and she went in to take care of them. After that, the sunlight got too bright and I couldn’t see anything or hear them. When I tried to go into the room, I fell through a hole, which is when I woke up.”

Kelly squeezed his hand, comfortingly. “They’ll be home, soon. Regan’s going to find something and it’ll all click into place. Hang onto that faith of yours, Bri. And try to get some sleep, too,” she added.

He shook his head. “I can’t close my eyes,” he murmured. “If I close my eyes, I’m afraid I’m going to have a nightmare again. I can’t sleep,” he whispered again.

“What if I stayed with you?” she asked him. “Would you try to sleep if I stayed with you while you slept?”

Brian looked at her. “You’d do that?”

“Of course, I would,” she smiled. “I just want you to get sleep because you’re starting to look like the walking dead.”

“Ha ha,” Brian mumbled. “Okay,” he told her. “Just stay until I fall asleep, okay? I’m going to try and stay here, tonight. If I can do it now, I can do it tomorrow night, and so on.”

Kelly nodded then helped him crawl under the covers. Holding onto her hand, he gave her a small smile. She brushed a hand over his hair and stretched out next to him.

“Just close your eyes,” she instructed gently.

He obeyed, and she waited until, after several minutes, his breathing grew even. Counting his breathing, though, soon lulled her to sleep next to him.

***

AJ padded down the hall towards the guestroom he knew Brian had been sleeping in for the last two weeks. He pushed the door open and realized that Brian wasn’t there. Looking back down the hall, the open door at the end of the hallway caught his eye. Perhaps, Brian had finally been able to push the door open and go in, AJ thought and headed towards it.

When he reached the doorway, though, the sight greeting him wasn’t what he’d expected and rooted him to the spot. Brian slept peacefully, covered with blankets, and, next to him, Kelly was curled up, her hand in his. Not wanting to know what the hell was going on, AJ headed downstairs and bumped into Regan.

“Sorry,” she murmured as he scowled at her.

“Sure you are,” he grumbled. “You’re always bumping into me, even if it’s not physically. It’s damn annoying having you bumping into me and my thoughts all the time, Agent Daniels.”

Her brows lifted. “Well excuse me, Mr. McLean, I didn’t ask to be in your thoughts. Your thoughts are your own, and, if I am bumping into them, it’s not my fault you’re thinking about me.”

AJ snorted. “Not your fault? Right. You walk around here looking gorgeous, which you have no right to be,” he added. “On top of that, you’re constantly concerned with everything about everyone, and I can’t help but like that about you. Which makes you really annoying and sticks you in my head all the damn time!”

Scowling back at him now, Regan nearly snarled. “Do you want me to be some self-absorbed, self-important bitch, instead, AJ? Would that make you feel better? Because it sure as hell wouldn’t make anyone else feel better. I’m here to help Brian, not you. Quite frankly, you could go to hell, and I wouldn’t bat an eyelash over it.”

Suddenly drained of his energy, AJ leaned against a wall and ran a hand through his hair wearily. “I don’t know what I want you to be, Regan. I don’t know what I want, anyway. Besides Si and the kids coming home, of course. I’m sorry,” he apologized. “I don’t know what set me off. But the thing is, you make something in me spark, and I can’t figure out why or if I like it. Instead of dealing with it, I try to alienate you further. And it’s not fair to you,” he finished.

Regan sighed. “It’s okay, AJ. If it makes you feel any better, something in me sparks with you, too. And I don’t know if I like it or not, either. I guess it would just be better to give each other space, huh?”

AJ nodded. “That’s probably best. Besides, Brian’s got nothing but space here, so take as much as you need. I’ll stay out of your way.”

Regan watched him move down the hall towards the kitchen and wondered why, though it made sense to give each other space, she didn’t like the idea at all.

Lyrics from “Do I Have To Cry For You?” Nick Carter

Why don't you tell me again
How you'll still be there
When the heartache ends
But It's alright
Why don't you tell me my friend
How you'll still be there
When the heartache ends

AJ frowned as Brian walked into the kitchen and, looking around blearily, stumbled toward the coffee maker and poured himself a mug. Sipping it a little, he dropped into the seat across from AJ. When AJ continued to frown at him, Brian lifted a brow.

“Something bothering you, AJ?” he wondered.

AJ shook his head slowly. “No, not really. I was just wondering how it was that you could worry about your family during the day and sleep in the bed you share with Si with another woman at night. Care to explain, Bri?”

Brian frowned, now. “What the hell are you talking about, AJ? I would never…” he trailed off, realizing what AJ was talking about. “Oh! Well, jeez, AJ! Last night was not what it might have looked like. Seriously, do you think I could ever cheat on my wife? Especially when she and our children are missing?!” His voice rose angrily.

AJ held up a hand. “Chill, Brian. I walked into the doorway this morning and saw you and Kelly curled up together. I just wondered. I wouldn’t imagine that you would cheat on your wife, anyway.”

Brian pushed the mug of coffee away and leaned back. “Do you really want to know what happened?” At AJ’s nod, he began. “I had a dream last night, well, more of a nightmare. Afterwards, I realized I needed to go back into my room, so as I was about to open the door, Kelly came up behind me. I must have screamed in my dream because she woke up and came to see what the problem was. She convinced me to go into my room, and I just asked her to wait for me in case of, well, whatever.” He sighed. “I broke down, AJ. It’s hard but I think, now that I’ve taken those first steps in, I can go back. Anyway, when I broke down, she held my hand and, afterwards, convinced me to try to sleep. I was scared, though, to sleep alone in there,” he looked down at his hands. “I can feel Sienna in there. Damn it, I can smell her perfume and it’s driving me crazy with worry and loneliness! So, I asked Kelly to stay until I fell asleep, and she must have fallen asleep, too. That’s it. That’s all that happened,” he finished.

AJ nodded. “She’s a good friend. She was there when you and Si were apart because you thought she had cheated on you, and, now, here she is again. Kelly’s amazing.”

Brian nodded. “I’m glad I spilled that margarita on her at that awards show.” He grinned. “She probably won’t say the same thing, but, well, that’s women.” Then his grin disappeared. “Where are they, AJ? Why won’t the bastard call back so we can figure it out? And who the hell is he?!” He buried his face in his hands.

AJ leaned across the table and patted Brian’s hand. “We’ll figure it out and bring them home safely, Brian. I know Regan’s working her butt off to find them, but it’s hard. She’s finding out if there’s anyone anywhere that may have had a grudge against you or Si in the past.”

Brian sighed and looked up. “Yeah, but so far, there’s been nothing.”

AJ gave him a half-smile. “Well, at least there’s hope that they’re still alive. Keep that hope, Brian, because they will come home.”

“I hope so, AJ, I really hope so.”

***

Kelly buried the urge to scream. Men! They were so paranoid about everything. She’d heard AJ ask Brian for an explanation for the previous night. Why couldn’t they see everything in innocent terms? She wasn’t here to seduce Brian away from Sienna; she was here because Brian and Sienna were friends that she cared about. She knew Brian was hurting and worried, and all she wanted was to help him. But, no! Every action was to be mistaken, wasn’t it?

She turned away from the kitchen and, as she walked past the study, decided to stop in and see how Regan was. She liked Regan and had to admit that the woman was smart and knew her stuff. If there was anyone Kelly would ever want to depend on in a crisis, she figured it would have to be someone like Regan. Of course, it hadn’t taken her long to figure out that there was something going on between Regan and AJ. They avoided each other like the plague and only spoke to each other when it was impossible to avoid. Kelly wondered if they’d had an argument before she had gotten there or whether it was something else.

She knocked on the door and, hearing the “Come in!”, opened the door. Regan was typing on the laptop, on the phone, and simultaneously glancing over several official-looking documents. When she saw Kelly, she motioned for her to take a seat. Kelly looked around and finally chose a seat that only had a few pieces of paper strewn across it. Stacking them, she neatly placed them on a nearby table.

Regan finished up her phone call and, sighing, she turned to Kelly. From the first day Kelly had arrived, Regan had noted that Brian seemed less depressed. It was as though Kelly had taken some of the worry off his shoulder and made him more positive about the return of his family. Which was definitely more than Regan was feeling. Plus, Regan mused, she was desperately in need of another woman in the house. With three overtly male men, it was impossible to breathe at times, even in a house as large as Brian’s.

“So, what can I help you with?” Regan asked Kelly.

Kelly shrugged. “I needed some space from all the testosterone and the sheer male stupidity that tends to come from it. Do you know what I mean?”

Regan nodded, thinking of AJ. “Oh yeah. I know exactly what you mean because in this house, being the only female, was getting really difficult.”

Kelly smiled. “I’m glad I’m not the only one, then.” She sighed. “So, is there any news on Si or the kids? Any shred of news?”

Regan sighed. “I wish. I’ve gone through several of the more routine procedures, and, now, I’ve been going through some deeper level ones. So far, I’ve found nothing. Other than the last place we know they were was in a small town outside of Richmond. What I really need is for the guy to call Brian again, so I can try to trace the call again. We may get closer this time.”

Kelly frowned. “Other than that, there’s nothing?”

Regan shook her head. “It’s depressing. This family is so wonderful and doesn’t deserve this heartache. Those babies are so innocent, you know? Before you came, Brian was even more torn up than he seems right now.”

“He still is,” Kelly told her and related what happened the night before. “I think AJ saw me sleeping on the bed next to Brian and assumed the worst, though. Which is so stupid!” she exploded. “I mean, really! I’m here to help Brian, not sleep with him! He loves his wife and children, and neither of us would do anything like that. It’s infuriating,” she finished.

Regan shook her head again. “Men are so strange like that. And yet, smart women like us seem to invariably end up falling for them. So, AJ saw you, huh? I guess that would account for the unreasonable snark he gave me earlier this morning.”

Kelly gave her an apologetic smile. “Sorry. I just don’t know why anyone would think Brian would do something like that, though. I mean, AJ’s one of his closest friends, too.”

Regan was quiet for a few moments. “Kelly? Will you promise not to kill me if I ask you a question?”

Kelly frowned. “No, of course, not! What’s your question?”

“Do you have feelings for Brian? I mean, as other than just friends?” Regan asked, slowly.

Kelly looked at her, surprised. “What? Where on earth would you get that idea? Bri and I have been friends for a few years, now. There was a time before they got married that Brian and Sienna hit a bad patch, and I had just met Brian. We began to spend time together, which led a lot of people, including Si, to think that we were dating. Honestly, Regan, we’re just friends. That’s it,” she reiterated, a little too forcefully, Regan thought.

Regan watched her. “So, you’re just friends. You’ve never felt anything more?”

Kelly was quiet for a little bit. “Okay,” she said. “Maybe, maybe I am attracted to him, but who wouldn’t be? He’s got a great sense of humor, and he’s really generous, caring, and handsome…” she trailed off. “Damn it! Damn it, damn it! I really wanted to get over this,” she admitted. “Two years ago, I had convinced myself that I would not let him sneak his way under my skin. Guess that didn’t work,” she shrugged and slumped back in her chair.

Regan sighed. “Kelly, it’s understandable why you’d be attracted, and I think it’s amazingly noble that you can be here to care for him without doing anything to distract him from worrying over his family.”

“It’s not noble,” Kelly told her. “I care about Sienna and their kids. I love his family like they were part of my own, and it’s driving me crazy not knowing where they are, too. But, here’s the deal, no matter what my feelings are, I’m completely realistic about them. I can’t be anything but friends with Brian because I know my feelings won’t be reciprocated without splitting their beautiful family up. And I never, ever want to do that,” she added firmly.

Regan nodded. “I can understand that, too. I still think it’s noble,” she repeated.

“Maybe, but I think it’s got to be masochistic somewhere in there, too,” Kelly said. “I’m not worrying about it, though. It’s just important for me to be here when this family is in the middle of the most unbelievable crisis ever. I never thought this would happen to anyone,” she murmured.

Regan sighed. “This sort of thing shouldn’t happen to anyone, but, unfortunately, it does. But I’m not going to stop until I find them, and that’s a promise,” she added.

Kelly smiled. “Good.”

***

Later that day, Brian watched as the repairmen replaced the glass wall of his sunroom and realized that it had been two weeks since the kidnapping. Two weeks since he had last seen his family and believed them to be safe. It had been two weeks since he had believed himself to be untouchable. He didn’t know what he would do, Brian thought as the sound of a drill filled the air, if his family wasn’t found soon.

He turned and went back towards the study to see if there had been any new leads since the last time he’d checked in with Regan, which had been an hour ago. He was thankful that he had someone so dedicated to her work assigned to find his family. Though a part of him still believed his family was lost to him forever, with Regan’s quiet affirmations that she would find them, he was beginning to feel more confident that Sienna and the babies would be home soon.

Brian traced a finger over a portrait of the twins and a pregnant Sienna that had been taken in September and ached for them. Where were they and what were they doing? Were they safe or were they scared? As he repeated the same prayer he’d been saying over and over in the past two weeks, the cell phone in his pocket rang.

Brian yanked it out and stared at the unfamiliar number, knowing that it was the kidnapper calling again. As he flipped the phone open, he pushed open the door to the study where Agent Lord had already clicked on the tracing mechanism and was listening to the conversation with Regan.

Comforted, Brian spoke. “Hello?”

“Happy two week anniversary, Brian,” a cheerful but muffled male voice responded. “I must tell you, the last two weeks have been amazing. The rugrats were sick for a while, but they’re much better.”

“Sick? What the hell did you do to them, you crazy son of a bitch! If you’ve hurt them, I swear there will be no place on this planet you can go where I won’t find you!” Brian spoke angrily, fighting the fear he felt.

“Tsk, tsk, tsk. Temper won’t get you anywhere, Brian,” the kidnapper answered gleefully. “I was going to say, as for your wife, she’s in incredible shape. In fact, she sends all her love—but not to you.”

Brian felt a sick dread fill him. “What have you done to her? If you’ve hurt her…”

There was a laugh. “Hurt her? I’ve only done what she’s wanted. Oh, wait, would you like to talk to her? Let me put her on.” There was a pause then Brian heard him speak again. “Sienna, I believe your worried husband would love to hear from his wife.”

“Brian?” Sienna’s voice sounded far away and wavering.

“Sienna!” he nearly wept with relief that she was still alive. “Are you okay? Are the kids okay? What’s he done to you? Where are you?”

There was a small hesitation, then Sienna spoke again. “We’re fine, Brian. The twins and Luke are healthy and getting enough nutrition. Don’t worry about us.” Her voice sounded dull and worried Brian.

“Are you okay?” he asked her again.

“Well, I thought that was a nice little chat,” the kidnapper returned. “I bet Sienna doesn’t care about you anymore, do you darling?”

Brian strained to listen. He heard Sienna’s quiet gasp and moan, then, “I—I don’t…” her voice trailed off, then with a burst of force, he heard, “I love you, Brian!”

“Sorry, Brian. I have to go. You know, teach your loving wife a little something about being good to a hospitable host. Ciao,” and the line died.

Brian stared at the phone in his hand, then he looked up at Regan, tears filling his eyes. “Regan, he’s hurting her. I’m terrified of what he’s done to her and what he’ll do to her, now,” he whispered. “Tell me you’ve found where he is.”

Regan squeezed his hand and looked over at Lord, who looked up from the digital map attached to the tracing device. “Charleston, South Carolina,” Lord told them. “I have it down to the street address, so we’ll need the cops in the area to get to it as soon as possible.”

Regan nodded. “They might still be there, but I doubt it. This guy knows how we work, and he’ll probably be gone by now. But we’ll try anyway,” she said, giving Brian’s hand another reassuring squeeze.

AJ and Kelly knocked on the door. “What’s going on?” AJ asked.

Kelly, though, had seen the stricken look on Brian’s face and had put her arms around him and helped him into a chair. “What happened?” she asked Regan.

“There was another phone call,” Brian spoke instead. “I heard Sienna. She said they’re fine, but I have a feeling the bastard’s hurting her.” He didn’t voice his suspicions because the idea of rape was too horrifying for him to say it out loud.

Kelly rubbed his shoulder comfortingly and turned to Regan. “Where did the call come from?”

“Charleston, South Carolina,” Regan told her.

“So he’s moving South,” AJ concluded. “Where is he going? And how is he finding all these places to call from? I mean, if he had Sienna with him and her pictures are plastered everywhere, how did he manage to call without alerting someone to her presence?”

Regan looked at him, surprised. “I don’t know, but I hadn’t thought of that angle yet.” She ran a hand through her hair, which was messy from all the other times she’d run her hands through it, frustrated. “We need to find out what the place he called from is, and then we’ll try and see.”

Twenty minutes later, the Charleston police had told them that the address the call had been placed from was an old, abandoned warehouse. The door had been broken open and the telephone had indeed been used. The warehouse was set in the furthest, emptiest part of the city. It was an old industrial area that was no longer used. Unfortunately, by the time the police had made it to the scene, there was no one to be found.

Regan nearly screamed in frustration but knew she had to keep it together for Brian’s sake. “Well, at least we know they’re in the vicinity of the area and are being searched for. Unfortunately, there were no cameras and no one to say whether or not they had seen a car or what car it was. I’m sorry, Brian,” she apologized.

He shook his head. “I think I need to talk to the media again. It’s been two weeks, and Holly called to say that they’ve been getting flooded with calls to find out what progress is being made.”

Regan nodded. “Maybe it’ll reiterate the necessity to keep eyes open for people who look like your family. And, now that we know the direction they’re headed in, those in the South will be more alerted to it.”

***

Reporters and cameramen showed up at the gates to the Littrell property within minutes of Brian calling the different stations. Fans that had left earlier returned in full fervor and with bigger sympathy signs and flowers.

Harold patted his son reassuringly as he looked out the window at the crowd that had gathered. “Stay strong, kiddo,” he told Brian. “Everyone out there and in here is praying for Sienna, the twins, and Luke. God’s watching out for them.”

Brian nodded, but he still couldn’t shake the sick feeling in the pit of his stomach that told him that a fate worse than death had befallen the woman he loved. Trying to push past it, he gave Kelly a small smile as she came back into the house.

“They’re ready for you, Brian,” she reported. “All you have to do is go out there, stay strong, and tell them what you want to say.”

Brian nodded and reached for the hand she held out. Shrugging into his coat, he made his way into the cold outdoors and headed for the gates at the end of his drive. Kevin, AJ, Harry, Nick, Shane, and Howie followed them. Regan was already waiting at the bottom, ready to press the button to open the gates. When Brian nodded to her, she hit the button and smiled reassuringly.

“I’ll be here to answer any questions they may have. I’ll only tell them what I can,” she reminded him.

Kevin stopped Brian as the gates began to open. “If it gets to be too much, get out of there. Don’t stick around because we’ll take care of the rest, okay?”

Brian nodded, then he turned to face the waiting crowd. Stepping forward, he found a dozen cameras thrust in his face from ABC to FOX to MTV News and VH1.

“Good evening, everyone, and thanks for braving the cold to be here. I want to thank all of you, the fans and the media for being so supportive in what is, undoubtedly, the hardest time in my life,” Brian began. “My wife and three children were kidnapped from this home two weeks ago, today. Last week, the FBI took over this case because we discovered that the kidnapper had taken my family to Virginia and the case became an interstate investigation. In the course of the last two weeks, I have personally received two phone calls from the man who took my family, both stating that he was not planning on returning them. Unfortunately, we have not yet discovered the identity of the kidnapper, but the FBI is taking every measure possible to figure it out.” Brian took a deep, shuddering breath. “Today, I received the second phone call, which let us know that my family is, for the time being, safe and in South Carolina. He let me speak with Sienna, and I…” Brian trailed off, trying to prevent the sobs from taking over. “She told me that she and our children are okay, but, before she could say anymore, we were cut off. I am begging everyone from South Carolina to Louisiana to Florida to please keep their eyes open for my family. Their pictures are everywhere on the Internet and are being played on the news stations. Please, I’m begging you,” Brian ended with a sob taking over.

As the tears flowed down his cheeks, he could no longer stop himself from crying, and the fans watched silently as he broke down. Unable to stand watching him in pain, Kelly pushed past Nick and Harry and put her arms around Brian. Murmuring to him quietly, she made a path for him to get out of the center of the horde of fans, media, and family and led him back towards the house. As they left, Regan and Kevin stepped up to the cameras and finished up by answering any questions anyone had.

When they passed Jackie, she reached out her arms for her son, but Kelly shook her head and helped him back into the house. Jackie watched them go, an annoyed frown on her face.

Inside, Kelly helped Brian up the stairs and, thinking that going into his bedroom would be too hard at the moment, began helping him towards one of the guestrooms.

Brian stopped her. “Kelly, wait. I,” he paused to press his hands to his eyes and brush away the tears that continued to flow down his cheeks. “I need to go to my room. Please.”

She nodded and opened the door to the master room, where Brian went and curled up on the bed. “I messed up,” he told her, a few minutes later, as she continued to stand in the doorway. “I should’ve stayed out there and stayed strong.”

“No one expects you to be Superman, Brian. If you didn’t break down, you might have seemed too emotionally detached. This way, you’re showing how you really feel,” she reminded him. “Besides, what good would it have done you to bottle it all up?”

Brian squeezed his eyes shut. “Thank you,” he said after a few minutes. “Thanks for being here, being a friend, and helping me. I don’t think I could’ve made it without you.”

Kelly sighed. “I care, Brian. That’s why watching you like this makes my heart ache. Knowing that your precious children and a good friend of mine are somewhere out there makes my heart ache more. Helping you, comforting you, is helping me, too. It’s not wholly unselfish.”

Brian looked over at her. She’d helped him through a lot, he realized. More than he could have imagined. He knew she’d put her life and work on hold for him and wondered how long she could keep doing that if she knew how he’d come to depend on her friendship.

“Thank you, still,” he added. “I am more grateful right now than you could imagine.”

Kelly smiled. “That’s what friends are for.”

It's never easy and you never know
What leaves you crying
And what makes you whole
There ain't no way that I can hold it down
Falling to pieces
Forever in doubt

But it's alright
Why don't you tell me again
How you'll still be there
When the heartache ends
But It's alright
Why don't you tell me my friend
How you'll still be there
When the heartache ends

Lyrics from “When the Heartache Ends” Rob Thomas

We all begin with good intent
Love was raw and young
We believe that we could change ourselves
The past could be undone
But we carry on our backs the burden
Time always reveals

Kelly closed the door quietly behind her, making sure not to wake Brian. After half an hour of silence, he had fallen asleep, and she thought it was good for him to sleep. He hadn’t slept much, or eaten much for that matter, since the kidnapping, and she knew everyone was worried that his health might deteriorate again. Though she hadn’t known him then, she knew of Brian’s past heart problems and knew that, if it happened again, it would simply be the cherry on top of the horrible sundae of crisis they were currently in.

As she made her way down the stairs to the kitchen where she could hear the voices of Brian’s family and friends, Jackie appeared at the bottom of the steps. Kelly frowned a little, wondering why Jackie had such a disdainful expression on her face, but she shrugged it off, thinking it was her own paranoia.

“Kelly, could I please speak with you, dear?” Jackie asked quietly. “In private.”

Kelly shrugged. “Sure.” And she followed Jackie into the den, where the older woman shut the door behind them.

Jackie turned to Kelly with a tight smile on her face. “Kelly, I’m not going to tell you I’m not grateful that you’re here to help my son in the most difficult time of his life.” She paused. “What I will tell you is that I don’t believe Brian really needs you here. After all, he got along perfectly well without you for the majority of his life.”

Kelly stopped her then, trying not to get angry. “Brian is a friend of mine, and I would be there for any friend of mine if they needed it. And Brian does need everyone who cares for him here, right now.”

“But he doesn’t need you,” Jackie reiterated. “I’m not sure you understand fully the fact that Brian has perfectly respectable friends and family that are here for him to help him through this time of crisis.”

Kelly nearly sputtered. “Respectable! Begging your pardon, but what the hell does respectable mean?! And what does it have anything to do with my caring for and helping your son?”

Jackie sighed. “I’d hoped you would understand this without my explaining it, but, obviously, you cannot grasp the idea.” She paused. “Your professional choices have been rather, well, unseemly.”

“Unseemly? Are you talking about my short stint in Playboy, Mrs. Littrell? Because that lasted a month, and it happened ten years ago,” Kelly said, trying to be patient. “I think people can change in ten years, don’t you?” Before Jackie could say anything, she continued. “My career choices have led me to where I am today. If you don’t think acting is a respectable career, then, quite frankly, I don’t understand why you were so accepting of Brian’s first fiancée, or have you forgotten that little fact? And, at this time, I don’t think my career choices have anything to do with my friendship with Brian. And that is what’s most important, right now. Not what I may have done in the past.” She took a deep breath, holding onto her temper. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have better things to do than unnecessarily defend myself.” And, opening the door, she walked out.

Jackie sank into an armchair. Well, that had gone well, she decided. She’d managed to alienate a woman who obviously cared deeply about her son. It wasn’t that she detested Kelly, it was that she detested the fact that women felt they needed to resort to using their bodies to succeed in life. And that, she believed, was what Kelly had done. Jackie sighed. She just wanted what was best for her son, and, knowing that she didn’t have the right to decide who her son could befriend, she decided to give up on persuading the young woman to leave. Who knows, Jackie thought trying to change her own mind, perhaps Kelly’s presence would be beneficial for Brian. After all, hadn’t her son seemed more positive when she had spoken to him the day before?

Shrugging it off, Jackie knew she’d have to apologize to Kelly if she were proven wrong. Hopefully, Jackie thought, there would be quite a while until that happened.

***

Kevin paced in his den, rocking his son back and forth, hoping Sean would soon fall asleep. Pressing his lips to his son’s downy, dark hair, he wondered what it must be like for his cousin, not knowing where his family was. Involuntarily, his grip on Sean tightened. If he ever lost his family, Kevin knew he’d go crazy, and he was afraid that Brian was slowly beginning to crack.

The day before, he’d watched Brian fall apart on camera and seen it thousands of times on every news channel since then. Not knowing what to do to possibly relieve some of Brian’s pain, Kevin had stood back and let Kelly help him back into the house. Though he wished he could do something, Kevin couldn’t think of a way to distract Brian or give him some sort of hope.

“Kevin?”

Kevin turned to where Kristin stood in the doorway. “Hey, baby,” he whispered, trying not to wake Sean. “What’s up?”

Kristin stepped into the room. “I was just thinking,” she began. “I want to help Brian somehow, you know? But I couldn’t think of a single thing to do. Until it occurred to me to take Bridget and Sean over there. Bri loves them to death, and I thought they might take his mind off of everything for a little while.”

Kevin pondered this for a few moments. “What if it makes him feel worse, seeing how we still have our kids and his aren’t here?”

Kristin sighed. “If it does, then we’ll deal with it. But it’s worth a try, Kev,” she told him.

He sighed. “Okay, yeah. Why not? Maybe these two’ll take his mind off of things. Lord knows, Bridget’ll talk his ears off,” he grinned thinking of their three year old daughter. She was a chatterbox and would tell everyone anything and everything just to keep their attention. Often, she would chatter away at her baby brother, who would simply stare up at her and blink a lot.

Kristin smiled, too. “If Bridget can’t distract him, I don’t know what would. I’ll go get her ready, okay?”

Kevin nodded. “It’s okay that Sean’s asleep, right now. He’ll probably wake up in a couple hours anyway.”

Kristin shrugged. “With Bridget there, she’ll manage to lighten the mood in the entire house without her brother’s help.” Leaning over to her husband, she dropped a kiss on both her men and hurried out of the room, calling for their little girl.

***

Brian paced from the study to the kitchen and back. Why hadn’t there been any sightings of his family yet? In an area with millions of people, they had to have been spotted by somebody somewhere, but there was still no lead on them. Regan had been in constant contact with the Charleston area police, and he was afraid that there still wasn’t much she could do. With no clue as to who the kidnapper was, the FBI’s investigation was at a standstill.

AJ and Nick watched him silently from where they were slouched against the wall in the hallway between the study and kitchen. Neither stopped Brian’s pacing because they figured it would help him push out some of his frustration. Unfortunately, they didn’t know how else to help him either, unless there was any news from anywhere about someone spotting Sienna or the kids.

Nick sighed and finally spoke up as Brian paced towards them again. “Yo, Bri. Maybe you should just get drunk. That way, you could escape all this worrying. I’ve thought about it, and it might be the only way you could get some real sleep, too. You know, if you pass out and all.”

Before Brian could respond, AJ smacked Nick. “What the fuck are you doing, Nick?! Getting drunk is not the answer! How the hell would it make you feel if you got drunk, forgot that your family had been kidnapped, woke with a killer hangover, and remembered, ‘oh, hey, my family’s still being held hostage by a crazy son of a bitch!’ I wouldn’t be too fucking thrilled with that,” AJ tried not to shout.

Nick winced. “Look, I was just trying to help, okay? I don’t know what to do, either. I’ve never been in this sort of situation before.”

AJ sighed. “Nick, none of us has been in this situation, so none of us know what to do. No matter what, though, getting drunk would not help Brian at all. So forget it. You want to get drunk, be our guest. Just don’t come back here.”

Brian rolled his eyes at their exchange and dropped down next to them. “Guys, it’s okay. Really,” he assured them. “I’m glad you’re here, but I just don’t think there’s anything that’s gonna help me not worry. Unless someone calls and says they know who the kidnapper is, or something,” he added.

AJ rubbed his hands over his face. “I just wish there were something we could do rather than be deadweight in helping out, Brian.”

Brian shook his head. “You being here, wanting to help is more help than you could possibly know. I told Kelly that, too. Everyone else is so damn suffocating with their concern, but you guys don’t cry when you tell me that everything’s going to be okay. Because, let’s be honest, nothing’s going to be the same even after my family comes home, and we all know that.”

Nick sighed. “I’m sorry about the whole getting drunk thing, Frick. I didn’t really mean it.”

Brian reached over and ruffled Nick’s hair playfully. “I didn’t take you seriously, Frack. Relax. Like I said, I’m glad you’re here. You, AJ, Kelly, and Regan,” he added.

When the gate buzzer rang, Brian frowned. “Were we expecting anyone?” When AJ and Nick looked at each other and shook their heads, Brian stood and walked over to the speaker. “Hello?”

“Brian, hey, it’s Kevin,” his cousin’s voice came over the speaker.

Brian sighed, wondering why Kevin had suddenly decided to drop by but glad he had. “Hey, Kev. Hold on, the gate’s opening,” he said, pressing the button.

Five minutes later, he watched Kevin and Kristin walk up the steps to his porch with Bridget running ahead of them, laughing. Brian wondered if, one day, he’d see his own daughters running up the steps, giggling like Bridget. He squashed the pang of jealousy he felt and opened the door.

“Unkie Brian!” Bridget squealed and launched herself at him.

Brian caught her and tossed her up, making her laugh harder. “Hey there, pumpkin face,” he smiled down at her. “Whatcha doing here?”

Her green eyes laughed up at him. “Mama and Daddy said we were gonna come see you! Do you have a boo boo, Unkie Brian?”

Brian’s eyes met Kevin and Kristin’s as he understood exactly why they had brought their children. Acknowledging it, he turned and entered the house, carrying the little girl.

“Actually, sweet pea,” he said, setting her down. “I don’t have a boo boo, but do you remember my little girls and little boy?”

She jumped up and down, remembering. “Reena and Kara and Luke! Where are they? Are they here? Can I play with them?”

Brian crouched down so he was eye level with her. “Honey, they went away somewhere, and we’re trying to find them,” he told her. “Right now, you can play with Uncle Nick and Uncle AJ, though.”

She shook her head, golden locks flying. “No! I wanna play with you, Unkie Brian!”

AJ grinned at the adamant little girl. “Well, Nick, looks like we’ve been told.” He knelt so he was next to Bridget. “Hey pixie, won’t you give Unkie AJ and Unkie Nick a hug?”

She smiled at them and hugged them both. As soon as she had, she turned back to Brian. “Let’s play a game, Unkie Brian!”

Giving up, Brian scooped her up to carry her into the den. As he carried her off, Kevin heard him ask, “Well, pumpkin face, what do you want to play?”

AJ turned to Kevin and Kristin, glancing down at the sleeping baby in their carrier. “Nice thinking, guys. He’ll have to give up the worrying with Bridget around because she’s really good at picking up moods.”

Kevin shrugged. “We wanted to do something, and Kris thought this might be a good way to help out.”

Nick looked back down the hallway that Brian had disappeared down. “Let’s hope it does work, guys. I’ve got nothing but bad ideas at this point, but we’ve gotta come up with something to keep his spirits up.”

Kristin nodded. “For the time being, I think just being here for him is all we really can do.”

***

Brian carried Bridget into the kitchen and set her on the counter. “Pumpkin face, do you want a cookie? Or did you already have lunch?”

She grinned impishly at him. “Lunch was long, long time ago, Unkie Brian! I want a cookie! Chocolate chip?” she asked, giving him a sly look.

Shaking his head, he pulled a cookie out of the jar on the counter and handed it to her. “Your daddy’s going to have to watch you when you get older. You may just con the entire world and have them in the palm of your hand.” He grinned and ruffled her golden locks as she gave him a giant smile while eating the cookie.

When she was done, Bridget clapped her hands again. “Game time, Unkie Brian! Let’s play a game!”

“Okay, what game, Bridget?”

She scrunched up her face as she thought, and Brian laughed. She looked so much like Kristin, but that thinking look was all Kevin. He wondered if the twins or Luke might have some of his or Sienna’s characteristics when they got older. If they ever come home, he couldn’t help but think. If they were found, he hoped and prayed that they wouldn’t be traumatized and be able to grow up to be as well-adjusted as Bridget was.

“I got it!” Bridget squealed, forcing Brian to turn back to her and give her a smile.

“Well, what’s the game?” he asked, hoping it wasn’t Hide and Seek because, in his house, she could easily hide anywhere and it would take him forever to find her.

“Let’s play patty cake, Unkie Brian!”

Brian lifted a brow. “Patty cake? I don’t think I know that one, sweet pea.”

She shook her head. “Wanna play patty cake!”

Brian sighed. “Okay, kiddo. Patty cake it is. But you’re going to have teach your old Unkie Brian how to play, okay?”

Bridget nodded and set about to teach Brian the finer points of clapping your hands together and then patting hands with your partner. He laughed when she grew indignant and angry that he wasn’t doing it right, so Brian tried to follow her half mumbled instructions and tried not to wonder whether his own daughters would ever play the game.

***

Somebody save me
Let your warm hands break right through
Somebody save me
I don't care how you do it

Kara and Serena played with toy cars and a couple of used Fisher Price toys. Kara banged away on the toy chimes, while Serena zoomed the cars into each other. No longer suffering from fevers, they were back to being their bright, cheerful selves. They were being fed well with Gerber products. Although, being twenty months old, they didn’t quite understand the constant change of scenery they encountered each day, both girls adjusted to each move well.

As they played on a rug, Luke slept peacefully in a carrier nearby. There was no other sound that they could hear, except for the occasional angry shout or low keening sounds of pain that came from somewhere far away. Sometimes, the banging of a door or the thud of something hitting the floor or wall punctuated the sounds.

After a while, Kara grew sleepy and curled herself into a ball on the floor, watching Serena continue to play with her cars. When Serena noticed her twin falling asleep, she toddled over and, laying down next to Kara, she put an arm on her sister’s and closed her eyes. Both girls slept soundly, and, when their mother stumbled into the room and gathered them to her, they snuggled into her, not knowing the pain that throbbed through Sienna.

Sienna closed her eyes and tried to pretend they were home, safe in their own beds with Brian nearby. She could nearly see the curtains in their room, with the moonlight drifting through them. Pretending didn’t take away the pain, but, after a long while, she managed to fall asleep.


Lyrics from “Fallen” Sarah McLachlan and “Save Me” Remy Zero

“Brian, for the love of God, stop pacing!” Regan had lost her patience.

Brian paused in mid-step and looked over at her. “What? Why? What’s your problem?”

Regan sighed and turned away from the laptop currently displaying files on ten different men from both Brian and Sienna’s pasts. Some were high school friends of Brian’s that he’d had bad falling outs with, while others were past men that Sienna had dated. They were the only concrete suspects that Regan had been able to cull out—ones that fit the revenge profile that the criminal psychologist had pieced together using Brian’s conversations with the kidnapper.

Regan took a deep breath. “Look, I know you’re worried, so am I. Unfortunately, your pacing when I’m trying to work is really distracting. Maybe, instead of pacing, you should get out of the house, go for a drive, or something.”

Brian shook his head. “Nope, no way. What if he calls again? Then, I’ll be outside somewhere, and how would you be able to trace the call?”

“Give our technology a little credit would you? We’re hooked into the satellite that your phone works with, Brian. Any call you’ll get, no matter where you are, we’ll be able to trace it. So, go, go for a drive, walk in a park, something.” Regan wanted him to have some peace of mind as well as her own. If he stayed in the house much longer with the constant reminders of his family everywhere, she was afraid he would crack under the stress.

Brian thought for a few moments. “No,” he said, finally. “I’m sorry, Regan. I really need to be here in case anything happens. I promise I won’t pace,” he said quickly, seeing her look. “But I need to stay.”

Regan nodded and turned back to her work. She heard Brian settle into a chair against the far wall from her, and she tried to think of some way to distract him as she stared at the file for a Garrison, Daniel who lived in Boston now.

Brian tried not to tap his foot and looked up when Regan spoke. “Tell me about yourself, Brian. I mean,” she turned around. “I know all about Sienna and the kids, but I have no idea who you are, aside from looking at the people you were once friends with. I know you’ve got a loving family and wonderful friends, but who is Brian Thomas Littrell?” she asked.

He frowned. “How is that going to help the investigation at all? Shouldn’t the focus be on Sienna more than me?”

Regan shook her head. “I have to take a holistic approach to every investigation. I need to know about everyone involved. Maybe there’s a key piece in there somewhere that might seem tiny to you but, in actuality, it’s the missing puzzle piece,” she explained. “So, go ahead, tell me about yourself.”

Brian shrugged. “Well, I was born here, in Lexington in 1975, and I had a life-threatening staph infection where the doctors advised my parents to make funeral arrangements. But that’s not what you want to hear?” Brian asked, confused at the way she shook her head.

“That’s all facts, Brian,” she told him. “I already know that, and so do millions of people around the world. Dig into the inner workings of you.”

“I’ll have to think about it, then,” he told her, and she nodded. After several minutes, he spoke again. “The most important things in my life are my family, my faith, and music. If I didn’t have one of those three, I don’t think I could be who I am today. And, while my family is missing, the other two things are keeping me sane when everyone thinks I’m going to fall apart. Although, I’ve decided, but haven’t told the guys yet, that, when all this is resolved, I’m going to leave the group, leave the professional singing. I can’t do it, Regan, not when I know that if I had been home and not singing, nothing would have happened to Sienna and our kids. If I had been home, I could have kept a better eye on them.”

“AJ was here, Brian, and we both know that nothing would have stopped whoever took your family from getting in. You can’t always protect those you love,” Regan said, trying not to think of her own past. “Sometimes, things happen for a reason, and, at the end of this nightmare, maybe we’ll understand why it had to happen.” She sighed. “Look, maybe you should just go outside, get some fresh air. Take Kelly with you.” Regan frowned. “Where is she, anyway? I haven’t seen her for the last couple days.”

“She’s been on the phone with her agent, who wants her to come back to work. I told her to go, that her work is important, too, but she won’t listen,” Brian explained.

Regan smiled. “It’s because she’s your friend, and she’s not going to leave you when you need all the support possible.”

“Speaking of friends,” Brian began. “I didn’t think I’d ever become friends with an FBI agent, but I’m glad I am. Thank you for doing everything you can, Regan.”

She shook her head. “It’s what I’d do for anyone. It’s how I work, Brian.” She stopped. “Okay, yes, I’m glad we’ve become friends. Usually, I don’t get this close with the families I work for, probably because none of them have ever insisted that I stay in their homes.”

Brian gave her a smile, one of the few he’d had in nearly three weeks. “See, persistence pays,” he told her and she rolled her eyes.

“Go, find Kelly, AJ, whoever, and get out of this place. I promise, we’ll trace any call and let you know if anything new happens.” She glanced up as another one of her team members came into the room. “Brian, seriously, go. You’ll have a better peace of mind once you get out of the house and get fresh air. Plus, we’ll be able to work better, too,” she added.

“Okay, I’ll go,” Brian stood. “But you have to call me the instant you know anything.”

“I promise,” Regan assured him. “Now, out!”

Brian left the study and decided that maybe she had a point. He hadn’t left the house in the three weeks since Sienna and the kids had been kidnapped. The house was beginning to suffocate him, he realized. Everywhere he turned, there were pictures of his family, and he was beginning to be afraid that not even God could save him from losing it if his family wasn’t found soon. Thinking of places he could go where reporters and fans wouldn’t notice him, Brian climbed the stairs and headed towards the guestroom where he was sure he would find Kelly.

As he neared the open door to her room, he heard her talking and, when he saw her, noticed that she was curled under the covers, on the phone.

“Steve, I know it’s spreading it thin, but I’m fine. You’d be the first person to know if I was overdoing it and needed help. I promise…Yes, I know. But the most important thing right now is to stay with Brian until we know where his family is…Thanks, Steve. You’re one of the best friends a woman could have. Yeah, yeah, yeah,” she laughed a little. “Okay, listen, I’ll call you later.” She looked over when Brian stepped into the doorway and gave him a smile. “No problem. I love you, too. Later.” Kelly snapped her phone shut and turned to Brian. “Hey, how’s it going in FBI headquarters?”

Brian sighed and stepped into the room. “Regan got angry when I started pacing. She said it was distracting and that I should get out of the house and go for a drive.”

“She’s probably right, you know,” Kelly told him. “You haven’t gotten any fresh air in weeks. I think you need to clear your head a little.”

Brian shrugged. “Yeah, I probably do. I think the house is starting to suffocate me. So,” he gave her a big smile, “you’re going to come with me, right? I was thinking of going to this park where there’s a little lake. It’s fifteen minutes away.”

Kelly shook her head. “You should go on your own, Brian. You need quality Brian time, not quality Kelly time. I’ll still be here when you get back.”

He rolled his eyes. “Honey, I’m not the only one who needs quality me time. You haven’t come out of this place since we talked to the press five days ago. What’s going on, Kelly?”

Kelly sighed. She couldn’t tell him what was really going on, she knew. What would telling him about the reasons he hadn’t heard from her for months do to help him? He didn’t need the burden of her past on him, anyway. She hadn’t told him about the incident with his mother, either, because it had nothing to do with Brian, and, if he knew, it would be one more stressor in his life.

Shrugging it off, she smiled up at him. “You go to the lake, and I’ll take a walk around your huge backyard. I’ll leave my cell in this room and not pick it up the rest of today, okay? Deal?”

Brian sighed. “Yeah, that’s fine. I probably should go on my own, huh?” At her nod, he reached out and squeezed her hand. “I don’t know what I’d do without my friends here,” he told her gratefully. “It’s been really comforting to have you, AJ, and Nick here.”

“Even if Nick and AJ spend their time online reading fan fictions on you guys and laughing over them?” Kelly wondered.

Brian rolled his eyes again. “Yeah, they’re weird, but it’s still comforting to know you guys are here. I’m gonna head out then. I guess I’ll have to leave through the back gate so no one follows me, right?”

“Probably,” Kelly agreed. “It’s safer that way.”

He nodded and headed to the door. Then he stopped. “Hey, Kelly? You’d tell me if something was wrong, right?” Brian looked back at her.

“Yeah,” Kelly assured him, wondering if she was going to hell for lying to a friend even if it was to leave him with fewer worries. “I promise if there was something wrong I’d tell you.”

“And if you needed to leave, you would go, wouldn’t you? Because I don’t want you jeopardizing your career for me. If the directors want you back for shootings then you’re going to go back,” Brian told her firmly.

She nodded. “I promise, Brian. Now, go,” she gestured him out the door.

When he had gone, she flopped back onto the bed. She didn’t like lying to him, but she would justify it as an omission, Kelly decided. She didn’t want him to worry about her when he needed to be worrying about his own family. If she told him about the cancer eating its way through her, Brian would probably take her to the hospital and worry about her more than his family. And, that, Kelly decided was not why she was there. So, she’d take her medication and hope that the weakness that had her in bed would go away soon.

***

Brian glanced at the keys for his car, then, bypassing them, he chose another set of keys and headed out. As he passed the den, he could hear AJ and Nick snickering about something and figured it was probably another fan site for them. God knew, they had millions in every shape and form, and he often wondered where they got half of his pictures from because he couldn’t remember posing for them.

As he stepped into the chilly March air, he zipped up his coat and moved toward the large, deep blue Land Cruiser that sat at the end of the drive, unused for three weeks. Brian unlocked the car and climbed into it, settling in and trying not to see the three children’s car seats that sat on the back seats. Remembering the times he and Sienna had strapped all three babies into the car and driven somewhere, he tried to think positively. It wouldn’t be too long from now, Brian kept telling himself as he drove the car out the back gate, and his family would be piled into the car again. As long as he kept telling himself that, he figured he’d be okay.

He smiled at the bobble head dog Sienna had stuck onto the dashboard. It was one of the homeliest looking dogs he’d ever seen, and he couldn’t help but think of his own dogs, Tyk and Litty Leigh. They’d grown lonely in the last few weeks because Kara and Serena weren’t around to pester them. Though the two dogs often acted annoyed and yipped, he knew they secretly liked all the attention the twins lavished on them.

As Brian drove down streets he hadn’t seen in three weeks, he noticed the posters plastered with his family’s faces on each telephone pole. Well, he couldn’t say nothing was being done, he decided. There were people searching everywhere for them, and sooner or later someone would find them.

Turning off his thoughts, Brian turned into the parking lot near the park and, turning off the car, got out and strode into the park. It was late morning in early March and not many people were in the park. He slipped a baseball cap onto his head and knew that, in the gloomy weather, sunglasses would look really conspicuous. He headed for the trail that wound its way around a lake that reflected the gray of the sky. A few geese were scattered across the lake, and Brian noticed a few elderly men and women walking or sitting on the benches around the lake.

As the wind blew cool air off the lake, Brian shivered and hoped it wouldn’t rain while he was there. He could see a few late winter flowers struggling to stay alive, and he understood their feelings exactly. His hopes were in the same boat, he silently told the flowers. Plucking a white flower up, he twirled it as he walked.

When his stomach growled, Brian realized he hadn’t had any breakfast that morning. Or the previous morning, for that matter, he reminded himself. His appetite had disappeared with his family, and he was actually surprised that he was starving. Just a few more minutes, he told his ravenous stomach. Then I’ll stop by some fast food place on the way home.

The path was slowly winding towards the place where Brian had stepped onto it, and he noticed a young couple sitting on one of the picnic tables. They seemed very much in love, Brian saw and tried not to feel pain as he remembered the times he had dragged Sienna off to picnics in the middle of their gardens during the workday.

As he got closer to the couple, his brows shot up. He raised a hand, waved, and grinned when Shane waved back.

“Well, well, well,” Brian began as he walked up to where Shane and Marlena were sitting. “This is a rather pleasant surprise. How long has this been going on?”

“You mean how long has it been since Marlena stopped denying my amazing qualities and succumbed to them?” Shane winked at Marlena. “About two weeks.”

“Wow,” Brian smiled. “I’m glad the two of you got your act together because it was obvious that you were both miserable. Don’t pull that again,” Brian told Marlena.

“Don’t worry, Brian,” she smiled back. “I’m happy, and I think a compromise really is the best way.”

Brian nodded. “Yeah, Sienna and I learned that last year.” His smile faltered, and Marlena patted the space on the seat next to her.

“Sit, Bri,” she said gently. Shane squeezed her hand appreciatively as Brian sat.

“I tried to get out of the house to clear my mind. I hadn’t left the house for three weeks, and it was going well. I was even hungry,” Brian said incredulously. “I haven’t felt hungry in three weeks!”

Shane nodded. “And it shows. I could probably knock you down with one punch, buddy.”

Brian rolled his eyes. “You’re five inches taller than me, you could always knock me down with a punch.”

Shane grinned. “Oh, yeah. I forgot that part.”

Brian couldn’t help but grin at Marlena’s confused expression. “Shane threatened to kill me if I ever hurt Sienna again after that horrible mess a couple years ago. I figured if he had really wanted to, he could’ve taken me out really easily.”

Marlena patted Shane’s arm. “That’s my fierce warrior. He loves to go around knocking people down,” she said in a patronizingly sweet voice.

“Shut up,” he told her good-naturedly.

“Well, lord, you two are the sickening couple,” Brian pretended to gag, but stopped when he heard his stomach growl again. He looked over at Shane and Marlena sheepishly. “I’d better get going. I was going to stop off and get food before heading back.” He stopped and frowned. “Wait a minute. Aren’t you supposed to be running my wife’s shop right now?” he asked Marlena.

She nodded. “Yeah, and I am. Sienna and I always took an hour’s break between eleven and noon, so” she glanced at her watch “I’ve gotta get going, too. We’ll walk back to the parking lot together,” she told Brian, standing up.

Shane lifted the picnic basket sitting on the table. “If we had any food left, I’d give it to you,” he told Brian apologetically.

Brian shrugged. “No problem. I’ve got a craving for a hamburger anyway, and I think I’ll just get something for everyone at home, too.”

As they reached their cars, Marlena gave him a hug. “Let us know if you need anything, okay? And let us know the instant anything happens, too.”

Brian nodded and climbed into Sienna’s car, and, to keep his thoughts from straying towards his missing family, he tried to think of the best place he could get lunch from.

***

The digital readout at the bottom of the computer screen read 2:00 AM, and Regan tried not to squint as she peered through tired eyes at the screen currently displaying the file on Jamison, Eric. He had been a friend of Brian’s that had ended up trying to knock Brian’s lights out during their sophomore year and had threatened Brian for several months after that. Brian couldn’t remember what their argument was about, but he had simply remembered that Eric had threatened him for an irrationally long time.

As she went to flip from the Jamison file to one for a Thompson, Scott, the screen switched off, startling Regan. She glanced up and scowled. “I’m trying to work here, so, if you don’t mind, I’m going to turn this back on,” she told AJ.

He shook his head. “Absolutely not, Regan. It’s two in the morning and you need sleep. You look like you haven’t slept in years.”

“Look,” Regan began, her voice testy, “I’m trying to bring four very precious people home. I haven’t been able to do a good enough job so far, and, until I can find them, I don’t have time to sleep.”

AJ lifted a brow. “Are you saying that you’ve been doing a poor job in trying to track down the guy who kidnapped Sienna and her kids? Because if you are, I’m going to have to shake some sense into you.”

“Who the hell are you to want to shake sense into me?! Unless you become a part of the FBI, you won’t know how difficult it is and how frustrating it is to know the lives of people are in your hands, okay? I’m in charge of bringing Brian’s family home and appeasing his worries is so damn difficult to do when I have no leads, nothing! So back off, and let me work!” Regan nearly shouted.

AJ sighed. “Look, we all know you’re trying your hardest, okay? No one is blaming you for not finding them, yet, least of all Brian. He knows you’re trying your hardest and that’s all he really needs to appease his fears. So, turn it off for a few hours, Regan,” he added gently.

She tried to suppress the frustrated and tired tears that threatened to spill over by pressing her fingers to her eyes. The headache that was boiling behind them upped the pressure, and Regan turned away from AJ to stare blindly out the window as the tears started to flow down her cheeks.

“I want to close my eyes, AJ. I want to sleep, but I keep seeing Sienna and the babies’ faces when I close my eyes. It’s like they’re accusing me of not finding them, yet. Until I find them, I won’t be able to sleep properly,” she quietly explained.

AJ could hear the tears in her voice, and, placing his hands gently on her shoulders, he turned her to face him. Seeing her tears made his heart jerk a little, and he reached out and brushed them off. “Baby,” he murmured. “Really, just turn it off. Just for a little while. There’s nothing more you can do for them tonight, anyway. Please, if you won’t sleep for yourself, remember that if you don’t get enough rest, you’ll probably be useless in being efficient enough to do your work during the day, too.”

Regan shook her head and turned back to the computer. “I’m sorry, AJ, but I can work fine on little catnaps. Don’t worry about me.”

But I do, AJ thought then sighed. “Well, damn it, I was hoping it wouldn’t come to this,” he told her casually.

Before she could react, he’d walked over to her, hauled her over his shoulder, and, turning off the lights in the room, he began to carry a kicking Regan up the stairs.

“Let me down, AJ! This is so stupid! You are so damned irritating!” she hissed at him over his shoulder.

“Pipe down, darling. There are other people trying to get their beauty sleep, too,” AJ murmured back.

Knowing that there were other people in the house, she quieted down, but continued to stew as the blood began to rush to her head while she hung upside down over AJ’s shoulder. How he’d managed to haul her up, she couldn’t figure out, but she tried to calm herself down. Maybe, if she waited long enough, he’d go to sleep, and she could sneak back down to the study.

“I’ll sit in the room with you all night and make sure you don’t,” AJ told her.

She gasped. “How the hell do you know what I’m thinking?” she demanded.

AJ pushed open the door to her room and stepped in. “Because you’re so tired, you’re forgetting to think inside. You just mumbled that out loud,” he informed her. Regan mentally kicked herself.

AJ shifted her so that she could easily slip out of his hold. Unfortunately, as she did get out of his arms, her entire body slid down his, and, suddenly, both of them were very much aware of the other. She tried not to look into his eyes, afraid of what she might read in them.

For the last week and a half, they’d avoided each other as much as humanly possible, and AJ had appreciated the separation, though he’d found himself thinking about her, too. Wondering if she thought about him. And, judging from her current evasion, AJ figured that she might have let a wayward thought float his way.

He tilted her chin up, meeting her eyes. The apprehension and fatigue he read in their smoky gray depths was compounded by what was unmistakably desire. He’d known enough women to know what desire looked like in a woman’s eyes, and Regan’s were full of it.

She desperately wanted to look away but couldn’t. This was what she’d tried to avoid for days, Regan knew. The wanting was distracting, and, try as she might, she couldn’t look away and couldn’t help herself. So, when AJ’s lips met her own, her eyes drifted shut on their own from the sheer pleasure of a man’s lips on her own. It had been a long time since she’d touched a man, let alone kissed one, but it came back to her quickly.

AJ kept the kiss brief and, leaning back, he waited until her eyes opened. Her usually clear gray eyes were clouded, and he knew she’d felt something as out of the ordinary as he had. “Let’s try it again,” he murmured, and, before she could protest, he pressed his lips to hers again, taking her deep this time.

The kiss was so stunningly sweet compared to what Regan had thought to experience that it made tears rise in her throat. When she felt his hands leave her face to trail down her shoulders, she knew she couldn’t go too fast, either.

Breaking away, Regan stepped back. “I’m sorry, AJ. I can’t. I can’t do this,” she whispered.

He didn’t let go of her hands, forcing her to look up at him. “What can’t you do, Regan? It was a kiss, nothing more, nothing less,” he said, wondering if lying to himself was a bad idea.

She frowned. “There was nothing simple about that kiss, AJ. Just like there’s nothing simple about you. You’ve got ‘Complication’ stamped across your forehead, and I don’t know what to do, what you want, or what to give you,” she told him.

“So you felt something?” AJ wondered.

“Of course, I did! Didn’t you?” she asked him.

AJ sighed. Truth it was. “Yeah. Yeah, I did feel something, but I don’t know what I want you to do or give me, Regan,” he told her. “It’s the truth. All I really know is I want you. If you’re not ready for that, that’s fine. But, I thought it was past time we got that out in the open,” he added.

“I might not be able to give you what you want, AJ. I’m the FBI agent assigned to help find Brian’s family, and you’re one of the witnesses. It’s a fucking conflict of interest, and I don’t know if I want to let that stop me from taking this somewhere,” she told him gesturing to the two of them. “Whatever is between us, I don’t know if I can stay with it. I can’t see where it’s going to go, and I can’t plan anything because I can’t see it.”

“Who said there had to be a plan for anything?” he wondered. “Things like this shouldn’t require planning. All you have to do is go with the flow, for now. We’ll figure it out as it comes.”

Regan sighed. “I don’t know if I can just leave it like that, AJ. I thrive on organization, and I’m terrified that this is all going to turn into a huge mess because” she paused and looked up at him “I want you, too. And I haven’t felt that in a while, so I need to know what’s going to happen now.”

“For now, all you have to do is sleep. Everything else, we can take care of in the morning. Really, we won’t do anything you don’t want,” he assured her. Though he knew that, after one taste of Regan, he was going to have to fight hard to resist her again.

She sighed, giving up for the moment. “Okay, I’ll sleep, and I promise I won’t sneak back downstairs, either. But we’re going to have to figure out what’s going on between us, AJ,” she added.

AJ headed towards the door. “Like I said, all the figuring out can be done later. Just sleep right now,” he told her. When she had kicked off her shoes and climbed into the bed, he smiled. “Sleep well, darling.”

When the lights turned off, Regan sighed and fell asleep promptly.

In the lonely light of morning
In the wound that would not heal
It’s the bitter taste of losing everything
I hold dear

Brian sat at his kitchen table and tried to eat a bowl of cereal that felt like dried sludge. His worry had increased because it had been a month since the kidnapping. There were barely any leads, except for those men that Regan’s team had left to find. She had culled her list and ended up with three names that she wanted to check out. All three men had ended up being people from Brian’s past because the team of agents had decided that the kidnapper had a grudge against Brian more than anything. So, Regan had sent her team to Boston, Chicago, and Seattle to find those men she believed had the means and motive to be able to kidnap Sienna and the babies.

Deciding that no matter how many evil glares AJ may give him if he didn’t finish the bowl, Brian stood from the table and dumped it into the sink. He couldn’t eat anymore because worry destroyed his appetite. A week and a half ago, after his walk in the park, he had been ravenous for two days, and then it had disappeared.

He couldn’t sleep well, either. He kept having dreams about finding his children dead in a swamp somewhere. Each time he’d woken from those nightmares, Brian had chided himself for having watched too many gruesome movies that were haunting his imagination, now. His children were fine and so was Sienna. They would be home soon if he and Regan had anything to say about it.

And yet, Brian thought as he stared out at the overcast sky, he couldn’t shake the feeling that nothing was going to be okay. He was deathly afraid that, if his family was found, they would be badly damaged in some way. He didn’t know how he’d handle that, but he knew that he couldn’t go much longer without them.

Turning away from the window, he thought of finding Nick or AJ and having them boost his spirits in some way. He remembered that AJ had gone to pick his mother up from the airport. Denise McLean had decided to come up to Lexington and spend time with Brian’s parents and help them out in any way that she could. She had initially offered to stay with Brian and help in the daily running of the house, but AJ had told her she was better off helping the Littrells because Brian would prefer not to have more people in his home.

Thinking that he’d find Nick instead, Brian headed to the den where Nick could usually be found, but, when he opened the door, he found Nick still asleep. Knowing that Nick had stayed up with him the night before after one of Brian’s nightmares, Brian decided to let him sleep when another thought occurred to him.

He hadn’t seen Kelly up and around the house in quite some time. At least two weeks, Brian realized. She occasionally ate a meal or two with everyone, but, for the most part, she was holed up in the guestroom under the covers. Deciding that today would be the day he would drag her out and help him take his mind off of everything, Brian headed to the second floor.

When he knocked on the door, there was no response, so Brian pushed the door open. Kelly was still asleep, but Brian noticed that she was mumbling in her sleep. Suddenly she began to thrash wildly and screamed. Brian rushed over to the bed and tried to soothe her, but she awoke right away.

“Brian!” Kelly’s arms went around him and he could feel her trembling.

He ran his hands soothingly up and down her back. “Shh, it’s okay. It was just a nightmare, Kelly.”

“I know,” she whispered, drawing back and rubbing her eyes. “It was just a bad one like all the other ones I’ve been having.”

“You’ve been having nightmares, too? About what?” Brian asked, surprised that she shared the current nightmare mode his subconscious had taken.

Sighing, Kelly knew she’d have to tell him the truth, or part of it anyway. “It has to do with something that happened at the end of November.” She paused and looked up at him. When he simply watched her expectantly, she continued, “I told you about how I met Trace at the end of September, and we hit it off really, really well. I thought I was in love with him, and a part of me thinks that he was in love with me, too. Or thought he was.” She shrugged. “At the time, either one worked. But, at the end of November, I woke up in the middle of the night in the worst pain I’ve ever been in. I thought I was dying,” she told him.

Brian squeezed her hand. “What happened?”

Kelly blew out a breath. “I miscarried our baby. I had been pregnant about four weeks, but I miscarried it,” she told him.

Brian was flooded with sympathy. He and Sienna had lost their first baby when neither had known it had even existed. “Oh, Kelly, I’m so sorry. I know it hurts a lot. Is that what you’ve had nightmares about?”

She nodded. “Yeah, I’ve been dreaming about the pain. Brian, I knew I was pregnant. I had found out earlier that same week, and Trace and I had been discussing what to do. Don’t get me wrong,” she said quickly, seeing Brian’s look, “I wanted the baby, but he didn’t. He said we weren’t ready for it. That he wasn’t ready for it. Well, obviously, that didn’t matter in the end. After the miscarriage, I broke it off with him,” she added. “He just couldn’t understand why I had wanted a child so badly.”

Brian smiled sympathetically. “Is that why you haven’t left this room that often? You’ve been remembering it?”

She nodded and smiled weakly. “Yeah. I really, really wanted that baby, Brian. So badly. It broke my heart when I lost it, and just thinking about it makes me so depressed. I went back to work as soon as I could so I could drown myself in the work and forget about it. Then I came here, and it came back to me when I watched you and how much you miss your kids.”

Brian enveloped her in a hug. “Kelly, it’s okay. I wish you‘d told me earlier, so I could have comforted you, too. We could have been a two-man commiseration party,” he told her, trying to smile.

She smiled back. “Thanks, Brian. I’m sorry I haven’t been the best of friends, lately. I just mooch off of you and do nothing to help.”

Brian waved it off. “Nah, it’s no problem. AJ and Nick did enough stupid stuff that sort of helped me worry less. Anyway, I really wish you had told me this before, Kelly. You shouldn’t have suffered through all that alone. Oh man,” he began, something occurring to him, “you lost your baby right before Luke was born, didn’t you?” At her nod, he sighed, “It’s understandable if you were jealous, then, Kelly. Is that why you didn’t call?”

She shook her head. “No, it wasn’t that. It was a whole bunch of stuff going wrong, with losing the baby and Trace being the biggest on the list. I wasn’t jealous, really. I was so happy for the two of you, but I just didn’t have the strength to call you and ruin your good cheer because you would’ve found out.”

“Why didn’t the press ever discover your miscarriage?” Brian wondered. “You’re a big enough celebrity that this sort of stuff makes juicy news.”

“We kept it very, very under wraps, and most of the credit for that goes to Steve Burton. He plays my character’s love interest on GH, and he’s a really good friend,” she explained. “He just had the doctors and hospital keep everything quiet. No one even knew that I was at the hospital besides him and the rest of the GH members.”

“Well, I’m glad it wasn’t splashed across the tabloids where you’d read about it all the time,” Brian said.

Before Kelly could say anything, the gate buzzer rang, and Brian stood. “I should go get that. It’s probably AJ. He was supposed to pick his mom up and drop her off at my parents’ house. She came to spend time with them,” he explained.

However, when Brian opened the door, he found himself enveloped in the arms of a woman he considered another mother to him.

“Oh, Brian, sweetie, how are you?” Denise let him go and stepped into the house.

“Mom,” AJ spoke up as he followed her in. “Let him breathe a little, okay?”

Brian shook his head. “No, it’s okay. I’m fine, Denise. Thanks for coming to be with my parents. I think they’re taking all this really hard, too. It’ll be good for someone to be there to distract them.”

Denise nodded. “Absolutely. I’m sure the FBI will find your family soon, Brian. They’ve been working round the clock for weeks now, haven’t they?” At Brian’s nod, she continued, “I know I said I wouldn’t come over here, but I just wanted to see how you were.”

Brian smiled. “Thank you for caring, Denise. For loving me and my family.”

Denise waved it off. “Oh, honey, you don’t have to thank me. You’re like one of my own sons, so of course I’d be there for you.” She noticed Kelly come down the stairs. “And who is this?”

Kelly smiled and stepped forward. “Kelly Monaco,” she introduced herself. “And you must be AJ’s mother. It’s really great to meet you.”

Denise smiled. “It’s nice to meet you, too. I take it you’re a friend of Brian’s?” When Kelly nodded, Denise frowned a little. “I feel like I’ve seen you somewhere before, dear. But I can’t quite pinpoint where.”

“She’s on General Hospital, Mom,” AJ told her.

“That’s right!” Denise grinned. “I used to watch, but, then, the Boys got going again, so I stopped watching because I was just so busy. Honey, you are an amazing actress!”

Kelly blushed a little. “Thanks! I love it and try to be, but, anyway, I’m just here for Brian, right now.”

“Guys? What’s going on?” Regan entered the foyer and found Brian, Kelly, AJ, and an older woman standing around.

AJ took her hand and led her over to his mother. “Regan, this is my mother, Denise. Mom,” he turned to his mother, “this is Agent Regan Daniels. She’s the head of the FBI team assigned to finding Brian’s family.”

Denise shook Regan’s hand. “It’s nice to meet part of the crew working hard to find such precious people,” she told Regan. Wondering at the familiarity she noted between her son and the FBI agent, she smiled at the lovely woman in front of her. “I’m sure you’ve heard this a million times, but thank you for doing everything possible to help.”

Regan shrugged and tried not to panic at the thought that AJ’s mother was currently standing in front of her. “I feel as though I could be doing more, but there’s not much to work with at this point. Whoever kidnapped Sienna and the children was very clever and left no evidence. But, we’re trying,” she added, desperate to get back to the study.

“You’ve done more than could be expected under the circumstances,” Brian spoke up, and Regan gave him a grateful look.

“Well,” Denise smiled, noting the way Regan’s eyes kept darting back down the hall where Denise assumed her work was set up. “I guess I should let you get back to the important work. But, it was nice meeting you, Agent Daniels.”

Regan smiled a little. “It was nice meeting you, too, Mrs. McLean. You can call me Regan, if you’d like,” she added as she turned to head back to her work, her sanctuary.

“Wonderful,” Denise said. “Call me Denise, then.”

Regan smiled and headed back to the study, nearly bumping into a sleepy-eyed Nick on the way. He mumbled confusedly as he headed towards the foyer, but, just as she was to head into the study, she heard his excited, “Denise!”

Settling down at the desk again, Regan rested her head in her hands. She couldn’t believe she’d actually met AJ’s mother. She’d been imagining getting her hands on him again, since he’d backed off after that first night, but how could she do it now? It was so awkward having his mother there, especially since every mother she’d ever been introduced to by a man had ended up disliking her. If she even wanted to contemplate a relationship with AJ, she’d have to deal with his mother now, on top of all of her other insecurities, too. And, from the sound of it, Denise McLean was planning on being around for a while. It was obvious from the way they were with each other, AJ and his mother were very close, and Regan was sure Denise would never approve of him with a government official because he’d only ever been with fellow celebrities.

At the knock on the door, Regan pushed those thoughts aside and sat up, calling out, “Come in!”

AJ entered the room and, pulling a chair over to hers, sat down and gave her an expectant look.

After staring back at him for a few moments, Regan sighed. “What do you want, AJ? Shouldn’t you be with your mother, right now?”

AJ shook his head. “Nope. Nick and Brian are the center of her attention, right now. Which is why I am here. What’s wrong?” he asked her.

Regan frowned and turned away from him to stare at the computer screen. “Nothing’s wrong. What made you think something was wrong?”

AJ rolled his eyes. “Don’t bullshit me, Regan. Something bothered you when you met my mother. What is it?”

Regan was silent for a bit, wondering how to tell AJ what she really thought. Finally, she spoke. “Look, I think it’s weird to meet the mother of a man you’re not sure you want to develop a relationship with, okay? That’s all.”

AJ frowned. “Why is it so strange? She’s my mom, and we’re not in a relationship. Yet.”

Regan let out a frustrated sigh. “Look,” she began, turning to face him, “I’m not going to lie and say I don’t want you because you know I do. It’s just a little strange to meet your mother, when I just spent last night thinking that maybe it wasn’t so bad to want to be with you. Now, it’s a whole different boat. If we get involved, your mother’ll be right here, and she’ll want to know everything about me. Things that you don’t even know,” she told him.

AJ just sat and watched her calmly. “Why don’t you tell me about you, then? Just in case,” he added with a small smile.

“AJ,” she began, then gave up. “Fine, I’ll tell you about me, and then you’ll see I’m not worth all the fuss.” She gathered her thoughts. “I grew up in Rockville, Maryland, right outside of D.C. I have a younger sister, Callie, who’s twenty-five. My parents got divorced when I was eight, and I ended up staying with my mother while my dad took my younger sister and moved to Bethesda, which isn’t too far from Rockville. When I was in high school, I decided I wanted to be in the FBI like my dad was, so I kept pestering him to talk to the superiors for me. Finally, during my senior year of college at George Washington University, the Bureau called me in, interviewed me, and put me through dozens of tests. I passed and was hired, and, since then, I’ve been an agent trained in kidnapping cases,” she finished.

AJ nodded. “Pretty normal, everyday life, besides the whole FBI deal,” he told her. “How about relationship wise? No boyfriends, ex-husbands, or anything?”

Regan squashed a wayward pang and shook her head. “Nothing important,” she lied. “So, that’s the wonderful life of Regan Daniels. Like I said, not too fancy.”

“I think it’s perfect the way it is,” AJ said. “Just like you’re perfect the way you are.”

Regan shook her head. “AJ, don’t turn me into some fantasy because I’m not. You’ll be disappointed in the end.”

AJ leaned forward and cupped her face in his hands. “I don’t think I’m going to be disappointed, Regan. You’ve got all these fascinating things going on in your gorgeous head, and I want to know what they are,” he murmured.

Knowing that he was going to kiss her, Regan tried to evade it. “AJ,” she managed to say, but the kiss cut her off.

When he pressed his lips to hers, AJ felt his thoughts turn off and knew nothing but Regan. He had meant to keep the kiss light and simple enough to convince her that he really did want her despite what she considered her flaws. However, Regan’s arms wound around him after a moment, and, when she kissed him back, AJ felt his control slip. The kiss went from simple to heated instantly. His hands slid from her face to her waist and under the sweater she wore to caress her skin.

Regan couldn’t think. Everything behind her eyes was a hot burst of color—something she’d never experienced when she’d kissed any other man. His kiss was intoxicating and, though she knew it might be dangerous, she liked the way her head felt as though it was floating somewhere else. When his hands met her skin, she wanted to rip into him.

“AJ,” she managed to say between kisses. “I want to say no to you, but I don’t think I can.”

Ending the kiss, he pressed his lips to her forehead and leaned back, her fingers still twined with his. “Regan, I want something more than just a few kisses here and there. And I don’t mean sex,” he added. “Though I don’t think that would be out of the question, either.”

She sighed. “Like a relationship, right? I know there has to be some rule against it somewhere in the rule book for agents, but I don’t care about it, AJ,” she told him. “You said you’d let me take my time and not rush me.” She paused. “I think I’m ready,” she murmured.

“Yeah?” AJ tried not to sound too eager. “Are you sure?”

Her eyes met his. “Really sure. I’ve tried not to think about you, not to touch you, and I don’t think I can. Maybe this won’t lead anywhere, but I don’t want to regret not doing this, AJ. I really, really like you.”

“So we’ll see where this goes, then?” AJ asked her.

She nodded and, leaning forward, kissed him again. “Yeah, but let’s just keep this between the two of us, right now, okay?”

AJ nodded, understanding her hesitancy over his mother. “Yeah,” he murmured, smiling, and pulled her back for another kiss.

***

“I’m taking your son.”

Sienna looked up sharply at the flat statement. Seeing that he was serious, she scooted herself until she blocked Luke from his sight.

“You’re not touching my kids,” she told him defiantly.

One brow arched. “Oh, really? I’ve been nothing but generous to your brats, and I can damn well do whatever I want with them. I said I’m taking your son, and I will damn well do what I want. So, put his little coat on and whatever, and I’m going to take him where he belongs because he’s useless to me,” he added with a malicious smile and left the room.

Sienna’s heart bounded into her throat. She’d done everything he’d wanted her to do, and now she was to give her son up, too? Anger filled her, bubbling and boiling, and she knew she’d have to stop him somehow. She looked down at her sleeping son, who came to look more and more like Brian each day, and knew she’d rather kill herself before letting any harm come to him or his sisters, who were playing quietly in the corner.

Sienna wondered when he would return, and how long she had to think of a way to prevent him from taking her baby. After a while, she realized that he’d said Luke was to go back “where he belonged” because he had become “useless”. What if, Sienna thought, sitting up, what if it meant that he was going to leave Luke somewhere, like in front of a church or something where other people could find him because he didn’t want the burden that came from dragging a baby around? Sienna hoped that there was some sort of decency left in him, some shred of what she’d first seen in him, and hoped that he was letting Luke out of this misery.

Not wasting time, Sienna snatched up a scrap piece of paper and dug out an old crayon from the box Kara and Serena’s toys were in and scratched out a message. When she heard footsteps coming down the hall, she slipped the paper under Luke’s clothing and tucked it into the top of his diaper. No one would find it there, she knew, until they undressed her son to make sure he was okay. At least, she hoped that’s what would happen.

When the door opened, she scowled up at him and flung an arm over Luke protectively.

“Hand him over, Si,” he told her calmly. “Believe me, if you put up a fight, it’s not going to be good for your kid.”

“How can it be good for him if you take him anyway?” Sienna spat out, defiantly.

He shook his head. “Why do you always think I’m evil, Sienna? I’ve been nothing but generous, but you still think I’m a monster. Trust me a little, will you?”

“Trust?!” Sienna laughed humorlessly. “I trust Satan more than you, though you may be his spawn. I wouldn’t trust you with my kids if you were the last person on earth!”

He continued to shake his head. “Hand over your kid, Si, and get the other two brats ready. We’re going on a little trip.”

“We?” Sienna wondered, feeling hopeful relief flood through her.

“That’s right,” he told her, smiling malevolently again. “Let’s go, before I change my very beneficent mind.”


Lyrics from “Fallen” Sarah McLachlan

If pacing could be an art, Nick was positive everyone in Brian’s house had perfected it. Brian could be found pacing anywhere and everywhere, muttering little prayers and occasionally banging his head against a nearby wall until someone stopped him. AJ would hover over Regan’s shoulder and, when she would get annoyed, he would pace behind her back. Occasionally, when she was waiting for information, Regan would get up and pace with him. Nick knew there was something going on between them, but he thought it best not to say anything.

Finally, Nick thought, there was Kelly. He still wasn’t sure how she and Brian had come to be such close friends, but she was there, sticking through the rough stuff with him. Nick had often watched her force food into Brian just to make sure he wouldn’t turn into a skeleton. Which, Nick knew, Brian was in danger of doing. He’d brought the problem up with Kevin, AJ, Harry, and Howie, and the five of them had decided that whoever managed to get any sort of edible product into Brian had their full support. Still, Nick thought it was strange that, while she was making sure Brian was still eating, Kelly looked as though she was losing weight each day she was with them.

Nick glanced around the nursery he stood in and shook his thoughts off. Kelly could take care of herself, and, besides, he wasn’t here to worry about her. He was worried about the kids and Sienna.

As his fingers brushed a plush teddy bear that sat on a shelf, he couldn’t help but remember holding Luke in his arms for the first time. That precious baby along with the twins had been born out of the amazing love Sienna and Brian had for each other. He’d always been envious of those who found a love like that, but, with his best friend, he couldn’t have been happier.

He remembered the drama that had surrounded the birth of the twins. How Brian had been angry, then shocked, and, finally, in awe of the fact that Sienna would give birth to their children. After the twins were born and the Boys were still on tour, Brian would worry about the babies and how Sienna didn’t love him. Of course, Nick remembered with a smile, there had been no reason to worry because everything had turned out perfectly. Then Luke had come along.

When Nick had first seen Luke, the baby had been a week old. Terrified that he would break him, Nick had stared down at the tiny baby and felt like the clumsiest idiot in the world. Luke had stared up at him and just blinked his little eyes and made a face that seemed to say, “What? Haven’t you ever held a baby before? What’s wrong with you?” When he’d said that to Brian, he’d laughed and said it was probably gas. Babies made faces or smiled because of gas often. Nick had been thoroughly disgusted but had still been in awe of the fact that he held such a tiny miracle.

Now, he looked down at the teddy bear he remembered giving to Serena on her first birthday and wondered where they were. It was March twenty eighth, and it had been over a month since they had been taken. Nick remembered watching the police officers sweep the sunroom for any material or biological evidence in the early days of the investigation. They had seemed so sure of finding the kidnapper quickly, but it hadn’t happened yet.

Since then, the FBI had taken over, but they were still hitting dead ends. He had heard Regan telling another member of her team that they no longer had any leads because the three men she had pinpointed had turned up clean. It was back to the drawing board for the Federal Bureau of Investigation. Nick felt bad for Regan because he’d heard her arguing with her superiors over continuing the search. They wanted to pull out some of her team to send off on different investigations, but Regan was fighting tooth and nail to keep them.

What about you? Nick asked himself as he headed towards the nursery door. What have you done in the last few weeks when Brian’s needed you most? The answer was nothing. He’d given terrible advice and absolutely no consolation whatsoever. He didn’t know what to do in a situation like the one they were currently in, and he felt so inept, so awkward. And so out of place, Nick thought. The only thing keeping him there was his love for Brian and his family.

Glancing around the pretty nursery decorated in blues, yellows, and greens, with traces of the twins and Luke everywhere, Nick closed his eyes.

“Please, God,” he whispered. “Wherever they are, please keep them safe. I haven’t been the best of people, but please do this for Brian and his innocent family. Bring them home soon.”

Sighing, Nick stepped into the hallway and bumped into Brian.

“Hey,” Brian frowned. “What were you doing in the nursery?” He avoided looking over Nick’s shoulder into the room.

Nick shrugged and pulled the door closed behind him. “I felt like seeing it. I remembered the first time I ever held Luke. How freaked out I was that I would break him,” Nick explained.

Brian smiled a little, remembering, too. “You didn’t break him, Frack. He’s a tough baby.”

Nick nodded. “He is. Your whole family’s tough. You should remember that,” he told Brian.

Brian sighed. “I’m trying, Nick.” He glanced down at his watch. “It’s one in the morning. Why are you still up?”

“Couldn’t sleep,” Nick said. “What’s your excuse?”

Brian’s gaze shifted down. “I can’t sleep either. Have nightmares of finding my kids dead,” he mumbled.

“You’re still having those nightmares?” Nick asked gently. “Brian, really, you shouldn’t have watched all those stupid movies on the tour buses when we were younger.”

“Hey! They were fun to watch!” Brian reminded him.

“But now that you’re reliving it in your subconscious with your kids replacing the movie characters? It’s not so fun,” Nick sighed. “Look, I can go sit in your room until you fall asleep if that helps?”

Brian shook his head. “No, I don’t want to ask you to do that again. You should just go to sleep. I’m gonna head back and try to close my eyes again. See what happens.”

Nick shrugged. “Okay, Bri. But if you need anything, you know where to find me.”

Squeezing Brian’s shoulder, he turned to walk down the hall towards the stairs. He’d made it halfway to the stairs when Brian called to him.

“Nick!”

He turned and watched Brian expectantly. “Yeah?”

Brian stared at the door to the nursery almost fearfully. “I need to go in there.”

“Now?” Nick wondered what good it would do Brian to go in at so late at night when he was already exhausted and in emotional turmoil. Wouldn’t it make it worse?

Brian nodded, his gaze fixed on the door. “Now. Can you help me?”

Nick walked back to one of his oldest friends and placed a hand on his shoulder. “Absolutely.”

Brian took a deep breath then, placing his hand on the doorknob, he turned it and stepped into the room. The scent of baby powder hit him first. The smell vividly brought his children to mind, and Brian’s eyes filled with tears he furiously tried to blink back. Through the tears, he looked around the pastel-colored room. He remembered painting it with Sienna looking over his shoulder to make sure everything was being done right. He hadn’t let her help because he’d insisted that someone needed to take care of the girls. She’d grumbled but had let him do what he wanted.

Knowing Nick was behind him, Brian walked over to the shelf full of toys and pictures. His fingers trailed over the dolls, stuffed animals, and the little xylophone that Kara loved to bang her fists on. He remembered joking with Sienna over how Kara was going to carry on the tradition of music.

When his fingers touched the painted wood of the shelf, he could remember when he’d been building it. When he was younger, he’d hated woodshop because he’d always gotten splinters and, once, he’d broken the handsaw he’d been using. The teacher hadn’t been too thrilled, but Brian had flashed him an innocent smile, and all had been well. So, when he’d decided he was going to build some of the furniture for his children, he really hadn’t known what he was doing. He’d screwed up so many times, but, in the end, he’d managed to build three bookcases and a chest for the toys.

Nick watched as Brian stood, his hand frozen on a shelf full of playthings, his eyes closed. Worried, he made his way over to Brian and put a hand on his shoulder.

“Brian? Are you okay?”

Brian jolted and clouded blue eyes stared up at Nick, not recognizing him for a moment. Then, he blinked. “Nick? Yeah,” he sighed. “Yeah, I’m okay. Just remembering when I built these. They’ve managed to stay up. Stay strong.”

“Like you,” Nick reminded him. “Hang in there, buddy.”

Brian nodded and moved around the room, touching a stuffed penguin, the rocking chair, and a painting of a rainbow on one of the walls. Each thing he touched brought back a memory and made him smile. He felt comforted by those memories and, somewhere inside his heart, a new bloom of hope blossomed.

He turned back to Nick. “They’ll be home soon. I can feel it,” Brian announced.

Nick smiled. “That’s good. Just keep your spirits up, Bri, because when they come home, you can’t look like you’ve been dying, either. I mean, seriously, do you want Si to worry about you, too, on top of everything else?”

Brian shook his head. “You’re right. I know you’re right. So, I’ll try being more optimistic, okay?”

“Okay.” Nick nodded and yawned. “Bri, seriously, try to get some sleep. You’ll feel better for it.”

“I feel better after being able to come in here,” Brian admitted, looking around the room again. “It’s comforting.”

“Great,” Nick said. “Stick with that comfort and get to bed. You won’t have those nightmares, tonight.”

“Probably,” Brian mentally crossed his fingers. “I’ll see you in the morning, Nick.”

They stepped into the hall, and Nick made his way to the stairs. Pausing at the top, he looked back at Brian.

“Good night.”

***

“So close,” Regan murmured to herself as she scanned multiple files again. “There’s something little missing here, somewhere.”

Regan knew she’d missed something the first time she’d been over the files of all her possible suspects. Unless there was some random person who had just decided to kidnap the kids out of some psychological spite, she knew that she had missed something.

She had decided to bypass the three men she had done deep background checks on because they’d already come up clean and, this time, was going to go after all those she’d passed over before. Regan knew she’d been careless the first time around, sure that she could figure it out so quickly because of her prior successes. Pride had lead to the Littrell family still left out there, somewhere, in danger, and she knew it was her fault. Which only made her work harder.

AJ stood in the doorway and watched her operate. At one in the afternoon, she still wore pajamas, and her hair was up in a hastily-made bun. He’d stayed with her the previous night, both of them falling asleep on the couch in the study. He’d woken at six that morning to hear her mumbling about “needing to check on those two men again” and she’d been off.

From the past month, AJ had learned much about Regan, but not nearly as much as he wanted or needed to know. He knew that she was obsessive, dedicated, driven to the point of exhaustion, and wouldn’t quit her work until she was falling down and apart. He’d yet to see the falling apart, but he’d witnessed the falling down. The first time had been the night he’d first kissed her.

After that, once she’d begun to trust him and open up to him, he’d discovered that she wasn’t cold, not at all. Lurking under the kick ass FBI agent was a caring, generous woman. She had never met Sienna or Brian’s children, but her concern for them was beginning to surpass his own, AJ knew. She dreamt of them and had told him about how she’d dreamed that Sienna was begging her to find them before it was too late. That dream had spurred Regan to work herself harder and longer until she could find that missing link, that little bit of information that could pinpoint her kidnapper’s identity.

As for their relationship, AJ was content in letting it go wherever it pleased. He’d never been with a woman who wasn’t trying to break into the music industry or establishing her career. Regan was set in what she wanted to do with her life and was good at what she did. He knew she would never be completely dependent on him as so many other women had been, and the lack of that pressure made it easy for him to be around her.

Since they’d decided to pursue a relationship, they’d kept everything low-key because Regan was terrified of Denise. AJ knew his mother could be a little intimidating at times, so he hadn’t tried to persuade her to at least let him tell his mother what was between them. Besides, it had only been a week and a half since they’d begun their relationship, so AJ couldn’t actually see a reason to push for something more public. He liked that she had begun to lean on him a little and was able to vent when things weren’t going well.

AJ straightened up from leaning against the doorframe and stepped into the room.

“Baby,” he murmured, pressing a kiss to her neck, “I think you should go get changed. Take a shower. You’ve got at least a half hour before a crisis could potentially hit.”

Regan turned around in her seat and smiled up at him. “AJ, darling,” she began in a voice that told him she wasn’t serious. “I need to concentrate, and that is impossible to do if I break that concentration by going and changing.”

“I’d rather you change first and then continue to search for my family,” Brian spoke up as he entered the study.

Regan looked over at him. “Brian, I know you’re worried, but I feel like I’m really close to finding that missing link.”

Brian shook his head. “That’s fine, Regan. Really. But AJ’s right. I think you shouldn’t trade your life and health for the investigation. I mean, if you get sick or don’t eat enough food, you might fall flat on your face. And then, who’d help?”

Regan rolled her eyes. “Men,” she muttered. Then, sighing, she gave up. “Okay. I’ll go change, but, if something happens, it’s all your fault I wasn’t here.”

Brian nodded solemnly. “I’ll take full responsibility for any crisis you’re not here to manage. I promise.” He tried to keep a straight face but burst into laughter at the stern look she gave him. “Regan! It’s okay. Look, I’m feeling really optimistic about this today. I feel like we’re really close, too, and a half hour isn’t going to make a difference at this point in the investigation.”

Regan just rolled her eyes again and headed to the door. As she reached it, Agent Bishop stepped in and, giving him quick instructions, Regan walked out. Bishop, who Brian had pegged to be about forty five, nodded to both AJ and Brian then settled himself down at the desk with a stack of paperwork.

AJ raised a brow. “What’s with all the paperwork?” he asked the agent.

Bishop looked over at AJ surprised. “It’s a whole mess of paperwork,” he replied. “Every step the team takes requires a whole slew of forms that detail the hows and whys of what we plan on doing. Last week’s jaunts all over the country need a hell of a lot of papers to be filed and explained to the superiors back in D.C.”

“D.C.?” Brian wondered. “So do all the agents on your team work and live in Washington?”

Bishop nodded. “We do, indeed. Headquarters is there, so that’s where we live, too. It’s easier to live where you work. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to get back to these.”

Brian nodded and motioned for AJ to follow him out of the room. When they’d made it into the empty kitchen, Brian turned to AJ.

“What are you and Regan planning on doing once the investigation is over? Are you going to try to keep the relationship you’ve started?”

AJ’s brows shot up. “How the hell do you know what’s going on between Regan and me?”

“AJ, anyone and everyone in this house can tell. I think your mother figured it out last week when she was here. There’s really no point in keeping it quiet,” Brian told him. At AJ’s horrified look, Brian patted his shoulder. “Relax AJ. No one’s said anything because we’re focusing on my family, right now. Though I think it’s great that you’re with Regan. I mean, I would never have imagined you with an FBI agent, especially one as together as Regan is. But, I guess the heart has its own mind, huh?”

AJ sighed. “Believe me, if someone told me two months ago that I was going to start seeing an FBI agent, I would have laughed in their face. But I really like Regan, and I’m going to do whatever it takes to keep this relationship going even after this whole nightmare is over,” he assured Brian.

Brian opened his mouth to say something, but the phone in his pocket rang. Yanking it out as quickly as he could, he stared at the readout, a funny look crossing his face.

“What is it? Why aren’t you picking up?” AJ asked Brian.

Brian looked up at him, apprehension clearly stamped on his features. “It’s from my place in Atlanta. Who the hell would be calling from there?”

“Pick up the phone, Brian,” AJ told him. “Just in case.”

Not bothering to ask what AJ meant by “just in case,” Brian answered the phone.

“Hello?”

There was a short pause on the other end. Then, the voice that cackled in Brian’s dreams spoke. “It took you long enough to answer. I thought you might not want your family back if you weren’t picking up.”

Brian tried not to panic. “You’re calling from my house in Atlanta, aren’t you? How the hell did you get in? Trespassing is a crime, you know,” he added casually.

Regan hurried into the kitchen, dressed, then, and, seeing Brian on the phone, her eyes widened. She turned and hurried back down the hall to the study. Brian watched her go then turned back to wait for an answer to his question.

“Well?” he asked again.

“No one could call you stupid, Brian,” the voice spoke in a much colder tone. “You’re right, I am in your home. It’s a very well kept place, and it’s obvious Sienna loves it. I thought we might stay a while, but I must be going.”

Brian had latched onto one key piece. “Sienna’s with you? Where is she? Where are the kids?” he demanded.

There was a chuckle on the other end. “That’s right, your family is with me. How else could I have gotten onto the property without setting off alarms. Sienna knew the code, her fingerprints worked, and we were in so easily. But, like I said, we must be going again. Although, I’ve left you a lovely present. If you’d like it,” he added.

“What is it?” Brian asked, trying to calm himself down. AJ squeezed his shoulder, comfortingly.

There was a pause, then, “Well, I can’t ruin the surprise. But I really must be going. Ciao,” and the line went dead.

Brian snapped the phone shut and bolted down to the study. “He’s on my estate in Atlanta!” He rattled off the address to Regan, who was on the phone with the police in Atlanta.

When she’d given them all the information she had, Regan hung up and turned to Brian, who was now sitting on the floor, taking deep breaths.

She knelt next to him. “Brian, tell me what happened,” she asked gently.

Brian exhaled and looked over at her. “He said Sienna’s fingerprints got them onto the estate. He’s still got my family with him and was planning on staying on that estate for a while, but he decided to keep moving. That’s it,” Brian murmured. “That’s all he said. I couldn’t even hear any background noise. I couldn’t tell if Sienna or the kids were there.”

Before Regan could respond, her phone rang again. She snapped it up. “Regan Daniels,” she began, then her brow furrowed. “What? Why not?…Oh, well, if that’s all.” She turned to Brian, holding out the phone. “The police in Georgia need your permission to enter the premises of your estate,” she explained.

Brian nodded and, taking the phone, gave the police any information they needed. When he hung up, he turned back to Regan.

“They’ll be gone by the time the cops get inside the gates. I don’t know how he does it, but he manages to get in and out without anyone knowing it. I have a special set up on the security system on that property,” he explained. “Because I don’t use it often, any time anyone does get through those gates, the company automatically calls me to make sure everything is fine. Most times, it is. I just don’t understand how, this time, they slipped through.”

Regan pondered this for a few moments. “What system do you have installed down there? Is it Cartrech, too?”

Understanding dawning, Brian looked up at her, panicked. “Yeah. Yes, it is. Damn it!” he stood and looked ready to put a fist through a wall. “Of course he knew how to get past it. He probably asked the company to change that policy on my account when he called about this place. It’s like he’s had every step planned from the start,” Brian murmured.

Regan sighed. “He seems meticulous. He probably has had it planned from the beginning.”

AJ looked at both of them and glanced over at Nick and Kelly, who had both come in during all the commotion. “So, now what?” he asked Regan.

She looked at him. “Now? Now, we wait for the cops to call from Atlanta and let us know what’s going on,” she replied.

Within thirty seconds, the phone rang again, and Regan snatched it up.

“Well? Did you find anything?” she demanded. After a short silence, she turned to Brian with a strange expression on her face. Then, she held the phone out to him. “They’d like to talk to you.”

Not knowing what was going on, Brian took the phone and held it to his ear. “Hello?”

“Mr. Littrell, this is Detective Cameron with the APD,” an authoritative female voice spoke. “We entered your property using the codes you provided us. After spreading out across the entire property, we discovered tire tracks on the dirt path that exits onto a back road behind your property. The FBI will probably analyze those tracks to identify the tire type and possible vehicle that the suspect is driving.”

Brian nodded. “So, what you’re telling me is that we missed them again?”

“Well, not quite.” There was a pause. “Mr. Littrell, does your son have dark blond hair and green eyes?”

Brian’s brows shot up and, though his heart had begun pounding in his ears, he managed to choke out, “Yes, he does. Did you find him?” he whispered, terrified of the answer.

“Congratulations, Mr. Littrell. We found your son asleep in a carrier on top of the kitchen counter,” the detective told him. “We plan on taking him to a hospital to be examined, but from all outward appearances, he seems perfectly unharmed.”

“Oh, thank God,” Brian’s breath came out in a whoosh. “Thank God,” he repeated, then turned to the others in the room. “They found Luke! They found him in a carrier in the kitchen!”

Regan took the phone from him and asked the detective what they planned on doing with Luke. After a short conversation, she looked over at Brian.

“Brian, they’re taking Luke to a hospital in Atlanta, and then they’ll have him sent up here as soon as possible,” she explained.

Brian shook his head. “No. No, please, either send him here first or I’ll fly down there. I don’t want anymore strangers holding my son. Please, Regan,” he pleaded.

Regan watched him for a moment, then she put the phone back to her ear. “Detective Cameron, do not take Luke Littrell to the hospital. Take him to the Atlanta airport. I’ll have one of the FBI’s airplanes ready. An agent will meet you there and bring the baby back to Lexington. We’ll have him examined by his physician here. I believe Mr. Littrell feels more comfortable doing this.” She listened for a moment. “Okay, thank you. Good work, Detective.”

By the time she’d finished making all the necessary arrangements to fly Luke back to Lexington as quickly as possible, AJ and Nick had called Brian’s family and their own families and friends to let them know the good news, per Brian’s request.

Regan found Brian pulling on a coat in the foyer, while Kelly tried to persuade him to slow down.

“Bri, the plane’s not going to be here, yet,” Regan heard Kelly tell Brian. “It probably just left Atlanta, and it’s going to take some time to get here.”

“Kelly, I need to get down there. I don’t want Luke to be in a stranger’s arms longer than necessary. I need to do this, Kel,” he added softly.

Kelly sighed and patted his cheek. “Okay, Brian. All right, but I’m coming with you. I’ll drive,” she added, taking the keys from him.

Regan stepped forward. “Brian, I’ll go with you, too. They’ll require certified personnel at the landing strip, and it’s best if I’m there.”

Brian nodded. “Okay. Let’s go, then.”

***

“Brian!”

Brian turned as he heard his name being called. On the opposite side of the fence, his parents had climbed out of their car. He could see Kevin’s hybrid truck pulling up behind their car, followed by Nick’s rental car, and two others he recognized as Howie and Shane’s cars.

Jackie hurried up to the fence. “Honey! Can we get on the other side of that fence?” she asked.

Brian looked at Regan. She shook her head.

“Sorry, Brian, but they only allow two non-authorized personnel on this side of the fence, and you and Kelly are it,” Regan explained.

Brian repeated it to his mother, and Jackie frowned at Kelly, who stood shivering in the late March breeze.

“Okay,” she said finally. “We’ll wait here.” And she stepped back to stand with the small crowd of friends and family.

Brian nodded his acknowledgement at everyone who waited. He was so blessed, Brian thought, to have such a wonderful family. They’d been there for him in the last month even when he’d asked them to back off. Squeezing Kelly’s hand, he squinted up at the distant sky, waiting to hear any sound of an approaching airplane.

After a few moments, Regan’s cell phone rang. She glanced down at it and acknowledged the message that had popped up.

“Ten minutes, Brian. I think you can hear it,” she added, glancing towards the cloudless sky.

Sure enough, the low rumble of an approaching aircraft could be heard, and excited murmurs broke out among the twenty people that stood on the other side of the fence. After a few minutes, the small airplane could be seen descending quickly, and Brian’s heart began to pound in anxious anticipation. All he wanted was to hold his son as soon as possible. God had sent him back to his safe home, and Brian just needed to feel Luke in his arms and reassure himself that if Luke was fine, so were Sienna and the twins.

The instant the airplane touched the ground, Brian began moving forward until Regan stopped him.

“It’s not safe until the airplane stops, Brian. You have to wait here,” she reminded him.

Sighing he waited as the aircraft slowed down and came to a halt seventy five yards from where they stood. Brian walked towards it quickly, then broke into a run, leaving Kelly and Regan to follow him.

By the time he made it to the airplane, the stairs had opened onto the ground and a dark suited young man stepped onto the tarmac holding a carrier. He smiled at Brian.

“Congratulations, Mr. Littrell. Your son is home,” he managed to say before Brian scooped Luke out of the carrier.

The baby was awake and he blinked wide, hazel eyes at his father. Brian ran his hands over his son gingerly to ensure that he was in one piece. Luke had grown, and Brian felt bitterness towards the man who had stolen a precious month from his life with his child. When Luke began to gurgle happily, Brian grinned and placed a kiss on his forehead.

He thanked the young agent and carried Luke to his family and friends.

“He’s okay!” Brian couldn’t help but smile from ear to ear.

Everyone crowded around to peek at the baby who had managed to escape from captivity, and more than a few people sent up silent thank you’s to God.

Regan leaned against AJ, a move that did not go unnoticed by Denise.

“Nice job, Agent Daniels,” AJ smiled down at her and kissed her lightly.

Regan sighed. “I didn’t really do anything,” she told him. “Besides, the rest of his family is still in danger,” she reminded AJ.

AJ shook his head. “Don’t you know the hope you’ve given all of us by Luke having come home safely?”

Regan shook her head. “It’s not enough. It won’t be enough until they’re all home,” she said. Then, giving him a quick kiss, she moved back into the fray of people gathered around Brian.

“Brian, you really need to take Luke to the hospital, now,” she told him firmly.

Brian looked up at her and smiled. “I will, but I just want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for bringing him home safe.”

Regan nodded. “It won’t be too long now before we find everyone else,” she promised him. “But, you really should go. It’s best for Luke to be checked out as soon as possible.”

Brian watched as the baby in his arms gurgled again. “You’re right,” he said, looking back up at her. “Hey, everybody, thank you for being here, but I gotta take Luke to the doctor, now.”

“I’ll go with you,” Jackie spoke up.

“Thanks, Mom, but I need to just be alone with my son, right now,” Brian told her gently.

Jackie nodded. “Okay, then, but who’s going to drive you there? Regan?”

Regan shook her head. “Sorry, I have to get back to see if anything’s shown up in the sweeps of Brian’s house. Why don’t you just drive them over, Kelly?” Regan turned to Kelly.

Kelly gave her a surprised look. “I, well, I don’t know. I mean, I don’t know where it is,” she told Regan.

“That’s not a problem,” Brian said. “I’ll give you directions, and we’ll be there in no time. Please, Kelly? Do it for Luke?” he asked, holding out the baby.

Kelly tried not to look in Jackie’s direction for she knew the older woman was sure to be furious.

“Okay, Brian. Let’s go, then.”

“You’re home, Luke,” Brian murmured to the baby slowly falling asleep in his arms. “You’re safe now.”

He pressed his lips to Luke’s smooth cheek and sighed. He didn’t know how it had happened, but he was more than elated at the fact that at least part of his family was safe and with him. True, Sienna and the girls were still stuck somewhere with that rat bastard who had taken them in the first place, but, if Luke had been safe all this time, he prayed that they would be fine, too.

Sighing again, he cradled Luke and stared out the window of the car at the Lexington suburbs he was passing.

Kelly watched him in the rearview mirror. She was glad that Luke was safe and back where he belonged. She really was. She just wasn’t happy that she had been roped into driving Brian and Luke to the doctor’s office because it had given Jackie another reason to dislike her. She had usurped Jackie’s rights as a doting grandmother, and annoying Jackie had been the last thing Kelly had wanted to do.

“Turn right at the next street,” Brian spoke up from the backseat, and she turned her attention back to the road. She turned onto a street lined with office complexes and turned left into the parking lot Brian pointed out.

“Do you want me to wait out here?” she asked him as he slid out of the car with Luke in his arms.

“No, come with me, please,” he replied. “It would be good to have someone there. Support and all,” he added.

Nodding, Kelly turned off the car and followed him into the building.

Inside, the hallways were quiet, and the carpeting swallowed the sounds of footsteps. Brian walked up to a door marked with Carson and Jenkins, Pediatrics M.D. and pushed open the door. When he stepped into the waiting room, empty except for a mother holding her sleeping toddler, the receptionist looked up and hurried over to them.

“Mr. Littrell, I am so glad your son is home. When Shelley told me the news, I don’t think I’ve ever been so relieved,” the elderly woman told him.

Brian smiled and glanced down at the precious child he carried. “Thank you, Molly. I don’t think I could have lasted much longer without any sort of hope. And, now that Luke is home, I have so much more hope that Sienna and the girls will be home soon, too.”

Molly patted his arm. “It’s only a matter of time.” She glanced back towards her desk as the phone rang. “One moment, dear, and I’ll see if Dr. Jenkins is ready to see Luke.”

Brian nodded then ushered himself and Kelly over to a pair of seats across the waiting room from the only other occupants of the room.

“Do you know the office well?” Kelly asked him, thinking of his informal conversation with the receptionist.

“Yeah,” Brian told her, shifting Luke slightly. “Sienna and I made sure that we got to know the doctors who would treat our children. Shelley and Mac, Dr. Carson and Dr. Jenkins,” he explained, “are wonderful. I couldn’t imagine taking my kids anywhere else.”

“We wouldn’t want you to take your children anywhere else,” a voice drawled from the entrance to the examining rooms.

Brian looked up and grinned. “Mac! Luke’s home!”

Dr. Mac Jenkins stepped into the room and made his way over to where Kelly and Brian sat. Looking down at the sleeping baby, he smiled.

“Well, thank God,” he began. “I have to tell you, at this point, I wasn’t holding out much hope. I hate that I thought that, but I’m damned glad I was proven wrong,” he added.

Brian nodded. “Believe me, Mac, I was feeling the same thing, but I’m glad it wasn’t the case.”

The doctor nodded and turned to Kelly. “Hi, I’m Mac Jenkins, and you must be Kelly,” he introduced himself.

Kelly nodded. “Yeah, how did you know?”

“Celebrities. My ex was a celebrity watcher, and I remember seeing you on one of those reality shows way back when,” he explained.

“Dancing with the Stars,” Kelly smiled. “Yeah, I remember that one. Well, it’s nice to meet you, Dr. Jenkins.”

“Mac,” he corrected her, then turned to Brian. “So, let’s get Luke checked out to make sure he’s okay, shall we?”

Brian stood. “Absolutely. I want to take him home, but not before I know that there’s nothing wrong with him.”

“Then we’ll make sure he’s fine,” Mac assured him. As he passed the woman holding her child, he leaned over. “Mrs. Harris, Dr. Carson is just cleaning up an examining area for Debbie, so it’ll just be another five minutes.”

“Thank you,” the woman replied. Looking at Brian, she added, “I’m glad one of your children is safe. No one deserves this kind of heartbreak.”

Brian couldn’t help but smile. “Thank you so much. You don’t know what it means to have someone tell me that.”

“When it’s the truth, it’s the truth,” she told him.

Brian nodded then followed Mac back into the examining room. Inside, he was instructed to set his son on the examining table. As he watched Mac examine Luke’s eyes, throat, ears, and general cranial area, Brian held onto Kelly’s hand.

“Hey, Bri, are these the same clothes that Luke was wearing the day of the kidnapping?” Mac asked him, gesturing to the green and white overalls and shirt that Luke, now wide awake and lying quietly on the table, was wearing.

Brian frowned. “I wasn’t home that day, but they probably are because I remember Sienna buying them. So, yeah, they are.”

Mac quickly slid Luke out of the clothing, making the baby gurgle. “He shouldn’t be wearing this anymore. It must be full of bacteria and it can make him sick. We have some clothes here that you can put him into and take him home.”

“Thanks, Mac,” Brian sighed. “I can’t believe this even happened.”

“Bad things happen to good people all the time, Brian. It’s not fair, but it’s life,” Mac added as he pressed a stethoscope to Luke’s chest and back to listen for proper breathing sounds and to make sure there was no irregular heartbeat. Then, he gently pressed down on the baby’s belly to feel for any swelling or anything abnormal. “Your kid’s looking good, Bri. So far so good. Plus, there are no bruises or anything to indicate he was abused.”

Brian swallowed hard. Abused? He hadn’t even considered that possibility for his children. He should’ve, he knew. A man who would ruthlessly kidnap three children would do anything.

“What’s this?” Mac’s question broke into Brian’s morbid thoughts.

“What?” Brian turned towards the doctor, who was holding a folded piece of paper.

Mac held it out to Brian. “It was tucked into Luke’s diaper. Maybe you should see what it is.”

Brian took the paper and unfolded it. As he read the words scratched onto it in red crayon, his jaw dropped.

“Son of a bitch,” he whispered.

“What is it, Bri?” Kelly tried to look over his shoulder.

Brian looked up at his two friends, waiting expectantly for his explanation.

“The bastard took my family! Sienna wrote his name on here,” he managed to say, the anger making his voice choke in his throat.

“Who, Brian?”

***

“Scott Thompson,” Regan murmured, clicking on his file again. She needed to re-eliminate him from the list of possible suspects.

Since returning from the trip to the airstrip to meet Luke, she had been on the phone with the Alpharietta police, but nothing had, as yet, matched the tire tracks they’d found. Thinking that she may as well continue what she had been doing prior to the call Brian had received earlier, Regan had returned to rereading files of possible suspects again.

Her mouth fell open in shock.

“Oh, my holy God,” she murmured. “How the hell did this slide through?!”

Scott Thompson, the man Sienna had dated before Brian, now worked for Cartrech, the security firm that had installed both Littrell properties’ security systems. He lived in New York, but the fact that he worked for Cartrech was too much of a coincidence for Regan to ignore.

Reaching for the phone, she dialed the number of the company and, within five minutes, had waded her way through to having the manager overseeing Scott’s department on the phone.

“Wait a minute. Are you telling me Mr. Thompson took two months’ vacation? How the hell did he manage that?” Regan wondered.

“Agent Daniels, Mr. Thompson took no vacation since he started working for us, so he had quite a bit of vacation time coming. Besides, he was promoted in January to head of our out-of-state commissions department. He’s been an amazing asset to this company,” the nasaly-voiced manager explained to her in a bored voice.

“I’ll bet he is an amazing asset. He’s also an amazing kidnapper,” Regan informed the manager. “Your wonderful Thompson kidnapped his ex-girlfriend and her three children from their home. A home, I might add, that was protected by Cartrech’s top of the line system. He knew exactly how to change their codes and how to get Mr. Littrell’s social security number in order to authorize those changes. He had access to the Littrells’ accounts because he worked in the out-of-state commissions department, and he managed to pull an ingenious kidnapping,” she finished.

“But—but…” the manager sputtered. “He couldn’t have done that!”

“He could and he did. When we find him, I suggest you find yourself a new head of department,” Regan finished and hung up.

As soon as she put the phone down, it rang again. Recognizing Brian’s number, she answered.

“Regan! I know who kidnapped my family! Scott Thompson!” Brian nearly shouted over the phone. “He was dating Sienna when I first met her.”

“Slow down, Brian,” she told him. “How did you find this out?”

“Sienna wrote it down on a piece of paper and stuck it into Luke’s diaper,” Brian explained.

Good thinking. “I just got off the phone with Scott’s manager up at Cartrech. Did you know Scott worked for the same company that installed your security systems on both properties?” Regan asked him.

There was a sharp intake of breath. “Fuck,” Brian murmured. “It was the perfect kidnapping. Abso-fucking-lutely perfect.”

“Yeah,” Regan agreed. “Don’t worry. Now that we know who he is, we can do everything to find him. He’s heading south, so there must be a property down there somewhere that he’s going for. We’ll find him, soon,” she promised.

“Thanks, Regan. We’ll see you back at the house, then. Luke’s perfectly fine,” he added. “They just want to take blood for tests to make sure there isn’t anything in his bloodstream that could be harmful.”

“I’m glad he’s doing well. We’ll see you in a bit, then.”

“Yup,” Brian replied then hung up.

Regan called her superiors at headquarters and explained the situation. They agreed that she should talk to the media as soon as possible, putting out pictures of Scott everywhere. Meanwhile, her team began to sift through Scott’s information, and agents in New York were sent to search for evidence in Scott’s apartment. Scott had no known family, and his adoptive parents had died in a car crash ten years earlier. There was no record of their families, at least none that were alive, and Regan decided that the family angle was just another dead end.

Around six in the evening, Brian and Regan held a joint press conference to announce Luke’s return and to reveal the identity of the kidnapper. Pictures of Scott Thompson were spread across the country.

As she began to search through Scott’s financial records, there was a knock on the study door.

“Come in!” Regan called out.

The door opened, and Liv popped her head in.

“Hey, Regan,” Liv began. “I know you’re working on finding Scott, but why don’t you take a break and see something really beautiful?”

Regan frowned. “What’s that?”

Liv gestured her out in the hall. “Just come and see!”

Shrugging, Regan stood and followed Liv into the living room where AJ, Kevin, Howie, Nick, and Brian sat. Brian was holding Luke, while Kevin and Howie each held onto their own children. The scene would have looked like something out a magazine photo shoot if it weren’t for the sound filling the room and the tears staining Brian’s cheeks.

I know that I, I can't believe
Just what the past has brought me
To the man I wanna be
I know that we have had some times
That we can't forget the struggle
Cause we have so far to go

Brian’s voice shook a little, but he was quickly joined by AJ, who had winked at Regan and Liv when he’d seen them come in. He put a hand on Brian’s shoulders and sang along. The song was one that they had written together during one of the most difficult times in their careers, and singing it now was making Brian feel better. The harmonizing was calming him, so the others had wordlessly agreed and joined him. Nick chimed in now.

I remember when, mom used to say
That things are getting better
And you'll soon be on your way
Remember those days
When we would sing at the drop of a dime
Way back when nothing mattered

I know we've changed, but
Change can be so good
Oh so let's not forget why it's understood that

As he sang, AJ’s gaze held Regan’s, and when his voice was joined by the others’, he blew her a kiss, making her blush. She was positive everyone knew they were together, but she wasn’t sure that she wanted the entire world to know it yet.

Time, look where we are and what we've been through
Time, sharing our dreams
Time, goes on and on everyday
Time is what it is
Come what may

So here we are
And we'll always stay together
And through it all you know we owe it all to you
Time goes on and on

Regan watched them sing and, though she’d never really understood the appeal of their group before, she understood it now. It wasn’t the words, it wasn’t the song either. It was the sense of support, togetherness, the sense of brotherhood they felt when they sang together that had kept them going when most groups of their kind had long since quit. It was that feeling that was now helping them through a rough time, and, seeing them together, Regan came to understand AJ more, too.

When they began another song, Liv left to feed her son, and Regan returned to her work feeling more energized, more positive that things would work out.

As it neared midnight, Regan continued to examine Scott’s financial records to see if he had made any purchases or transactions in the last two months. Other than a large withdrawal of five thousand dollars, there was nothing. Regan assumed that the five thousand was for his expenses. If he paid in cash, nothing could be traced back to him. He really was smart, Regan realized. Good thing Sienna was smarter.

Lyrics from “Time” Backstreet Boys

Howie glanced over at the door as Nick and AJ entered the room. It was the day after Luke’s return, and the Backstreet Boys, minus Brian, were meeting to discuss their future plans.

“You’re twenty minutes late, guys,” he scolded them. “What happened?”

Nick shrugged. “It was hard to get out of there without letting Brian in on where we were going.”

Kevin sighed. “He’s just worried about everyone. I’m glad Luke is home, though.” The other three nodded. “So, let’s just get started. I’m going to put Johnny and Kenneth on speakerphone and we’ll figure out what the hell is going on with our tour.”

After fiddling around with the telephone, Johnny Wright and Kenneth Crear ended up on the line with the four members of Backstreet, who were sitting in Kevin’s office.

“So, I guess the question we have to answer is: What are we going to do about our tour? The one that’s supposed to start in three weeks?” Kevin began.

“Postpone it,” Nick said automatically. “We are not going on tour without Brian. He’s not going to come unless his family is back. And, honestly, I don’t want to start up a tour while people we love are missing.”

AJ nodded. “I agree with him. I can’t see how we can do this when we’ll be worrying about Sienna and the twins the entire time. Besides, we can’t do a tour without Brian.”

“AJ and Nick are right,” Johnny’s voice filled the room. “I don’t have the heart to get out on the road while Brian and his family are in so much turmoil. We can’t do it guys. Kenneth and I talked this over, and it would just be bad morale the whole way through the tour.”

Kevin blew out a breath. “Okay. Okay, good. I wasn’t sure what management or you guys were going to say about this, but I don’t think I could do this tour either. Not to mention the fact that we haven’t exactly rehearsed for it either. We cannot be mentally, emotionally, and physically prepared for this tour in three weeks.”

“Great!” Howie smiled. “Then we’re agreed that the tour will be postponed. Until when, though?”

“End of May,” Kenneth spoke up over the phone. “Since the FBI has tagged the kidnapper, it’s only a matter of time before Brian’s family is home and safe. Let’s say they come home in a week or so. That gives Brian a month and a half with his family. All the tour dates would simply be pushed back to begin at the end of May. If a venue doesn’t work out, we can reschedule it to work at the end of the tour. What do you think?”

“Is a month going to be enough for Bri?” Nick wondered.

AJ sighed. “I don’t know, but I think if his family comes home safely, Brian would consider it. He might just do it, too.”

Kevin nodded. “You’re right. He’d make sure that his family was safe, then he’d join us up again. I think the end of May would be fine in that case. Howie?”

Howie looked around at the other three men. “I don’t know if it’ll be enough time for him, but I think we should give it a go. If he doesn’t agree, then we’ll postpone it again.”

“You can’t keep postponing, though,” Johnny spoke up. “Remember Black and Blue?”

“How could we forget?” AJ spat out. “Sorry,” he spoke gently. “I don’t want that to happen again, either, but we might not have a choice. This is Brian and his family we’re talking about. If one of us is hurting, we can’t work properly because all of us feel the pain. So, let’s just reschedule for the end of May and pray that Sienna and the twins come home soon. Besides, our fans have been so supportive this whole time about the kidnapping, I have a feeling they’d be more than willing to reschedule because they know what’s going on,” he added.

“Are we agreed on that?” Howie looked around at everyone. “Johnny? Kenneth?”

At everyone’s nods and Johnny and Kenneth’s agreement, it was decided that WrightCrear would go ahead and make the announcement that the tour was postponed. Brian would be informed of the change in plans when it was necessary to let him know. When he could reasonably handle the change in plans. In the state of mind he was currently in, he would just up and quit the group completely if they even talked about the tour. And that was something no one wanted.

***

Nick and AJ pushed open the door to Brian’s home and stepped in.

“I’m starving,” Nick muttered. “I wonder if someone went grocery shopping.”

“If by someone, you mean Kelly, then I think the answer is yes,” AJ told him. “You had dinner, Nick. What the hell is wrong with that stomach of yours? And, I think she’s getting sick.”

Nick frowned at AJ. “I’m always hungry! You should know this by now. And, sick? Who? Kelly? I just noticed that she’s been losing weight.”

“Yeah, but she’s been really pale, too,” AJ told him. “Should we ask her what’s going on?”

Nick shook his head. “She might get all weird defensive on us. Let’s just leave her alone for now. She might just be tired.”

“Yeah,” AJ agreed. “Probably. So,” he changed the subject, “I’m gonna head into the study. See what Regan’s found so far.”

“Besides you?” Nick wondered, shaking his head. “AJ and the FBI agent. I never thought I’d see the day,” he trailed off as AJ swatted him.

“Get your own woman, Nicky,” AJ called over his shoulder as he headed down the hallway.

“I can do that whenever I want,” Nick called back. Shaking his head at the way AJ grinned like a lunatic whenever Regan’s name was mentioned, he wondered if something good might finally come out of this relationship. He hoped so because it was about time AJ got something good. Something he deserved.

AJ stepped into the study and watched as Regan slammed the phone down.

“Everything okay?” he asked and watched her jump, then whirl around to face him.

“Jesus Christ, Alex! You scared the living daylights out of me!” she nearly shouted.

AJ would’ve been annoyed at her yelling if it weren’t for the tears he saw drying on her cheeks.

“Baby,” he stepped forward and cupped her face in his hands. “What’s wrong?”

She shook her head and pulled out of his hold. “Nothing. Everything. I don’t know,” she sighed, frustrated, and dropped into a chair. “I thought everything might be easier now that we know who the kidnapper is, but there’s nothing! Scott just left his apartment one day without a cell phone, with five grand in cash, kidnapped four people, and has been moving south for the last month. Where the hell has he been staying that no one’s found him yet? He has no known properties other than that damned New York apartment! I just don’t get it!”

AJ rubbed her shoulders, trying to comfort. “Something’ll pop up, Regan. Don’t beat yourself up over the lack of information. It’s not your fault that there’s nothing solid showing up.”

“There should be,” she whispered and tried to hold back the tears that were threatening to overflow again.

AJ let go of her shoulders and came to kneel in front of her chair. “Life’s messy, Regan. I hate that there is no information on this guy, too, but you can’t let this stress you out. Luke came home safe, so we have to assume the others are safe, too. He hasn’t hurt them.”

“Not yet,” Regan muttered.

AJ shook his head. “Bad attitude, darling. It’s only compounding the stress.”

“I’m not stressed. I’m just pissed that this guy left no information that we could track him by. I have never come across someone this difficult to pin down, and, believe me, I’ve caught some really tricky ones. This one…this one just sucks!” She emphasized her words by throwing a piece of crumpled paper at the window.

AJ sighed. “You have a lot of aggression in you, don’t you? Why don’t you take a shot at me? Maybe that’ll make you feel better.”

Regan looked at him, into his sincere, deep, dark eyes. What good deed had she done to deserve such a man? Here she was, a mess, screaming unprofessionally about something that she couldn’t seem to figure out. And he was calmly offering her ways to deal with the chaos she was. It was no wonder she was more than halfway in love with him. The realization scared her, but she didn’t think she’d ever find someone this amazing anywhere.

Regan leaned forward and pressed her lips to his. “Thank you,” she murmured.

AJ ran his hands through her hair, tossing out the band that tied it back. “Thanks for what? For kissing you? Because, honestly, I could do that whenever you want.”

Regan shook her head. “No, for just caring.”

“Okay,” AJ nodded. “I do care about you, which is why I think you need to eat because I doubt you’ve eaten dinner.”

“Or lunch,” Regan muttered.

AJ frowned. “Regan!! Woman, you’re going to work yourself to pieces! What’s wrong with you?!”

“Don’t yell,” she told him. “I was busy. When I’m involved in something, I don’t usually notice what my body needs. I’m still alive, though,” she reminded him.

“Just barely,” AJ frowned. Standing up, he hauled her up out of the chair. “We’re turning off the computer for tonight, okay?” He shook his head at her protest. “Nope. You’re done. I think God’ll keep Sienna and her girls safe for at least the next eight hours while you eat, sleep, and recharge your batteries.”

“AJ,” Regan began then gaped as he shut off her workstation and the lights. “You can’t do that!”

“I just did,” he reminded her. He dragged her out the door. “Now, I want you to go change into pajamas, and I’ll bring dinner up to you. Less energy is used that way. So go,” he added, pointing her towards the stairs.

“I hate you,” she stuck out her tongue.

“Everything will be fine,” AJ reassured her.

Regan rolled her eyes. “Yeah, yeah, yeah.” At his stern look, she kissed him, then, sighing, headed towards the stairs.

AJ watched her go and smiled. He was pretty sure he was in love with her. It was such a big emotion, one he realized he’d never really felt before. Not even with Sarah, his ex-fiancée. What he felt for Regan was huge, and he didn’t think he could live his life without her in it. Preferably by his side, AJ mused as he got out a covered plate from the refrigerator and sniffed it. Deciding the casserole was okay, he set about to warm it up.

Everyday, AJ realized, thinking of Regan again, everyday he learned something new about her, and he loved it all. She was so strong, but she somehow found a way to let her guard down enough to lean on him. He knew that was a big admission for her, and he loved that she had been able to do it with him. Of course, he had yet to lean on her because he liked the idea of someone depending on him for comfort. He’d spent too much of his life depending on someone else for his happiness, and he just wanted to spend time enjoying the sheer pleasure that filled him when he was able to comfort her.

Setting Regan’s dinner on a tray, AJ carried it up the stairs to her room and pushed open the door to find her curled up on the bed, daydreaming while she stared up at the ceiling. Seeing Regan in a bed kicked his system into hyperdrive. He hadn’t consciously thought of making love with her in at least a week, AJ mused. But, suddenly, seeing her in a bed like this was enough to remind him that he was incredibly attracted to her. She was gorgeous from her red locks to smoky eyes to that body. Standing in the doorway, AJ drank in the sight of her.

Finally, he managed to suppress the desire, reminding himself that she was exhausted and now was not the time for his sex drive to go crazy. He was just going to feed her, make sure she slept, then leave. That was all. That was it. But damn him, AJ thought, it was going to be near impossible to keep himself in control.

“AJ?”

Caught, AJ thought and walked into the room. “Got your dinner, babe,” he said, holding out the tray.

Sitting up, Regan smiled and patted the space beside her. “Thanks, really. I know I’m terrible at taking care of myself, but it’s hard to think past this investigation right now. I mean, Luke’s home, and that’s a really big deal. I just hope I can find where Scott’s got his hiding place, so everyone else can be brought home safely, too.”

Handing her the plate, AJ shook his head. “Turn it off, Regan. You know you’ll find them, and we all know you’ll find them, too. But, for tonight, just turn it off.”

Regan swallowed and shook her head. “Can’t. I have so many things I could be looking into, right now.”

“But, you’re not,” AJ reminded her. “So, tell me, what’s your favorite music?”

Startled by the abrupt change in topic, Regan stared at him before she remembered the question.

“Uh, well,” she began. “I don’t know. I listen to a lot. Right now, if I’m listening to music, it’ll be something more rock-edged.”

“Yeah?” AJ was secretly thrilled that their music tastes might be the same.

“I mean, I haven’t really listened to anything newer that’s on the radio these days, but, ten years ago, I loved Incubus and Matchbox Twenty,” she explained, taking another bite of the casserole.

AJ grinned. “So, I guess you haven’t heard any new music on the radio, huh?”

She shook her head. “Nope. Why?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess I was just wondering if you’d heard the song that I put out on the radio a couple months ago. I decided to do an album on my own, and, well, I don’t know,” he trailed off.

Regan watched him for a moment. He’s nervous about his music, she realized. This man, who’d sold millions of albums and had a very unique voice, was scared that the consumers wouldn’t like his sounds. She could feel another part of her closed off heart open for him, and she reached out a hand to place on his arm.

“AJ, I’m sure it was a great song. I can’t imagine you with your sense of style doing anything that wouldn’t be successful,” she reassured him. “Maybe I could hear it sometime.”

“Yeah?”

She smiled at the hopeful tone of his voice. “Yeah. So,” she traced the design etched on his arm, “how many tattoos do you have?”

AJ gave her a sly smile. “Wanna count them, baby? We’d have to get real close to do that.”

Ignoring the sudden pounding of her heart, she shook her head and let go of his arm. “Maybe some other time.”

“Aww, you got me all excited for nothing. Tease,” he joked.

Regan smiled back, but the smile vanished when her phone rang.

Frowning, she reached for it and flipped it open. “Hello?…Oh, Clark, what’s happened?…What?! But they can’t do that! We’re so close! Another case could not be as important as this one! When do you go?…Tomorrow?! So, I’m on my own in this?…Yeah,” she sighed. “I guess I can’t do much once headquarters has made up its mind, right? Well, thanks for everything. Tell the rest of the team I appreciated everything…Yeah, see you back in D.C. Goodbye.”

As she snapped the cell phone shut, Regan buried her face in her hands, and AJ automatically reached out and took her into his arms. He could feel her trembling and knew that she was desperately trying to stave off the tears. If there was one thing he knew she hated, it was crying. She was mortified that she’d broken down a number of times during this investigation, but he was glad she had. It meant that Regan Daniels was as human as everyone else.

“Go ahead and cry, Regan,” he murmured. “Get it out.”

She shook her head and looked up at him, her eyes clear. “I can’t cry. Not in this. I’m going to be absolutely professional with this. That means no crying, screaming, or cursing the gods.”

AJ couldn’t help but smile a little. “I’m glad you’re taking this well, but what happened?”

Regan sighed. “The rest of my team was reassigned to some case in Tennessee—another kidnapping, but the person kidnapped is the nephew of the governor. He’s putting a lot of pressure on the Bureau.”

“So a governor’s nephew takes precedence over a singer’s family, huh?” AJ couldn’t help but be annoyed at the way politics worked.

“Yeah, and it’s so stupid!! The governor’s nephew is twenty years old, whereas Brian’s daughters aren’t even two years old! Sometimes, I absolutely hate working for the government, but I know I help people. That’s the only reason I do it,” she added.

AJ leaned forward and kissed her. “I’m glad you do. I don’t think anyone else would’ve done as much to solve this. Promise me something,” he added.

“What?”

“Promise me that you’re going to keep doing your job, even though your team has been taken from you. That you won’t stress yourself out because everything will work out. You have no idea how much you’ve restored Brian’s spirits. Just having Luke back, being able to hold him, and knowing that he’s safe is lifting his spirits,” AJ explained.

Regan shook her head. “It’s not enough. Lifting his spirits is great, but, AJ, Sienna and her daughters are still stuck with a psychotic ex-boyfriend who may or may not be in his right mind. Now, I don’t even have a team that’ll help me work through all this. What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to think?” she managed, choking back a sob on the words.

And I'll be your cryin' shoulder
I'll be love suicide
And I'll be better when I'm older
I'll be the greatest fan of your life

AJ moved the tray of food from the bed onto the bedside table and, putting his arms around her, leaned back against the pillows.

“Let me tell you a story about a young man,” he began.

Regan shook her head. “AJ, I can’t handle stories right now. Not when life is far more complicated than a story.”

AJ sighed, mocking exasperation. “Babe, will you let me finish the story?!” At her raised brows and hesitant nod, he continued. “So, there once was a young man, who had everything he ever wanted. He was part of a singing group and loved his fellow bandmates like they were his brothers. He loved doing everything with them and enjoyed the lifestyle that came from being famous.” He took her hand in his and fiddled with her fingers as he spoke.

“Unfortunately, on and before his twenty first birthday, he learned the uses of alcohol. He enjoyed it and loved the feeling of getting drunk. The group was getting so much exposure, and pressure to be the best was hitting them from all corners of the world. They started getting into legal fights with their management because of improper handling of funds and blah blah blah,” AJ continued. “And Jack Daniels soon became this young man’s best friend. He couldn’t live without it and couldn’t make it through the day without getting drunk. It was starting to worry his friends, especially when they found him passed out in his home when he should have been at a rehearsal for their tour.”

Regan’s fingers tightened on his, and AJ could see the worry etched in her features.

“The story does get worse before it gets better, darling,” he told her lightly. Then he picked it back up again. “One night, he experienced the wonders of cocaine, and, pretty soon, cocaine and Jack were his two best friends. His behavior, though, was getting out of control. He never wanted to do anything with the group and started breaking contractual rules. Which is a big no-no,” AJ added. “The final straw for this young man, the event that sent him reeling into depression, was the death of his grandmother, a woman who had been one of his closest confidantes. Unable to handle it, he dove right back into the Jack and did some more lines of coke, both of whom were, of course, always there for him.”

He had to stop then because the ball of sickness that always rose in his throat whenever he thought of how carelessly destructive his behavior had been. How badly he’d disrespected his grandmother’s memory and love. Swallowing hard and acknowledging the squeeze that Regan gave his hand, he managed to continue.

“Finally, one day, sick to death of his constant flakiness, partying, and overall out-of-control behavior, the group’s oldest member, the father of the group, knocked his hotel room door down and yelled at the young man, telling him he was worthless and dead to him. That he never wanted to see him again.”

“Kevin shouldn’t have done that,” Regan murmured.

AJ shook his head. “It wouldn’t have gotten through to me that I needed help unless he had done that, Rey. So, I am really glad he did. After that, I sat down and realized that I didn’t want to lose my life, family, friends, and the career that I really did love. The Jack and coke were making me think that I didn’t want it. I went to the guys and begged for help, and I got it. They postponed the tour and helped me check into rehab. It worked, for a while. Then, I did something stupid.” He sighed and was silent as he tried to piece together how best to explain his true character to the woman he loved.

And I've dropped out
Burned up
I've fought my way back from the dead
Tuned in
Turned on
Remembered the things that you said

“AJ, whatever it is, I’ll understand. I couldn’t possibly see you as anything other than the generous, talented, humorous, and courageous man I’ve come to know,” Regan reassured him when she felt the uncomfortable stiffness of his body.

He sighed and looked into her eyes. “I’m terrified that you’re going to hear me out and bolt, Regan. That you’ll realize that I really am a weak man who could not handle stress and pressure. I mean, I started to tell you this so you would see that everyone’s allowed to be stressed. That I know you will be, but that you can’t let the stress rule your life.” He looked down at their intertwined fingers. “I don’t want to lose you this early on, but, the truth is, I’m not a good guy. I’m not all you think I am, and I can’t promise that I won’t make mistakes.”

“Well, who asked you to promise not to screw up?” she wondered. “I mess up all the time, and you’ve seen me do it. We’ve been together less than a month, but, I don’t know, I feel something real, AJ. I’m not sure what it is, but I’m not going to run because it turns out you have some deep, dark secret. So, go ahead. Try me.”

AJ considered her for a few moments, then shrugged. “Okay, well, about a year and a half after I first went sober, I went to an AA meeting. Afterwards, I ended up getting drunk with a fellow member. I couldn’t stay off the bottle. It was this constant need in my blood, and my fingers itched to grab a drink, so I did. I also grabbed onto the woman I got drunk with. If all that isn’t bad enough,” he looked back up at Regan again for her reaction, “I was engaged at the time. Obviously, my ex was smart enough to get out at that point. I haven’t been a saint, but I can promise that I’ll give whatever relationship we have the best that I’ve got. You mean more to me than I thought you would, and I don’t want to lose that.”

Regan watched him for, what felt like the longest moments of his life. Then, smiling, she hooked her arms around his neck and brought his lips to hers. She poured all the growing love and greater respect she felt for him into it, and he felt as though his soul were being rocked back with the power of it all. He wasn’t sure of her feelings, but he knew they had to be close to as strong as his were. Never in his life had he believed you could fall in love so quickly, but he was in love with her, and, no matter how much the need for her was flaming through him, he didn’t know if they were ready for the next step yet.

Leaning back, AJ stroked a finger down her cheek. “I was supposed to be comforting you, remember?”

“Yeah, well, this was better anyway,” Regan grinned. “And, surprisingly, I do feel better.”

“Great,” he replied. Kissing the tip of her nose, he slid out of the bed. “Then, I guess you should probably get some sleep. Tomorrow, the work continues.”

As she watched him walk to the door, Regan knew that she had to make a decision—one that filled her stomach with flapping butterflies. She was terrified that she would ruin everything, but she wanted him. No, Regan realized suddenly. She didn’t want him, she needed him. She was in love with him. It was something she had believed she’d never be capable of feeling, and it scared her that it would hit her now during such a stressful time in her life. It didn’t matter, she told herself suddenly. She loved AJ, and silly old fears were not going to hold her back.

“AJ, wait,” she called out before he could shut the door.

The door opened again.

“Yeah?” his head popped into the room.

Swallowing nervously, she held out a hand. “Stay with me. Please.”

His brows shot up. “What are you asking, Regan?”

Taking a deep breath, she spoke. “You are more than what I thought I’d want, but I don’t want you. I need you, AJ. So, please, stay with me tonight. Be with me.”

“Are you sure?” AJ tried to slow the erratic beating of his heart. Everything he’d yearned for since laying eyes on her was now within his reach. Somehow, it was too good to be true.

She smiled. “More sure than I’ve ever been about anything.”

The strands in your eyes
That color them wonderful
Stop me and steal my breath
And emeralds from mountains
Thrust towards the sky
Never revealing their depth

AJ nodded, then, to give them both time, he shut the door behind him and walked slowly towards the bed, keeping his eyes locked on hers. Sliding his shoes off his feet, he climbed onto the bed and sat next to her. They stared at each other for long moments, neither knowing what to do, yet both understanding the gravity of the moment.

Finally, AJ cupped her face in his hands and kissed her gently. As her shaky response turned stronger, his fingers traced the outline of her face and threaded through her hair. Soon, his lips followed the path of his fingers over her face, and Regan couldn’t hold back the quiet moan of pleasure she felt at his touch.

She wrapped her arms around him as his lips moved back to hers, and they took, hungry for more. His hands slid from her face, to her shoulders, and down to the hem of the shirt she wore. Tugging gently, he slipped the top over head. When he went to lean her back into the pillows, she pulled on his shirt until it was off.

Pressed skin to skin, both reveled in the feeling of being together for the first time. She was more than AJ could have imagined, and he was beyond any dreams she had ever conjured. Though the tattoos were a nice change to it, she managed to think as she pressed her lips to one on his neck.

AJ touched his lips to hers again as his hands traveled over her. When he cupped her breasts, Regan moaned. She was incredible, AJ thought, then lowered his mouth to her. He had given his heart to a woman gorgeous both inside and out.

Raising himself up on his elbows, he looked down at her flushed face. “Regan,” he murmured. “You’re so beautiful. More than I ever imagined.”

She opened her eyes and looked into his. “So are you,” she told him and brought his lips back to hers.

“I can’t get enough of you,” he whispered.

Smiling a little, she held his face in her hands tenderly. “This is the first time. I should hope you haven’t gotten enough of me yet.”

Grinning, he pressed his lips to a tiny birthmark over her heart. He could feel it fluttering rapidly beneath his lips, and it thrilled him. He could make a strong woman tremble for him the way he was for her.

And rain falls angry on the tin roof
As we lie awake in my bed
And you're my survival
You're my living proof
My love is alive and not dead

On a burst of energy, Regan twisted until she was straddling him and wriggled out of the shorts she wore. Pressing her lips over his heart in return, she smiled up into his eyes. “I need you, AJ. Only you,” she murmured and helped him drag off the last pieces of clothing he wore.

“Absolutely, anytime,” he promised as he twisted so she was pressed back underneath him. As he positioned himself, his lips returned to hers.

Regan had been floating off his kisses and the way his mouth felt on her. She’d never quite felt this way before, but she was terrified of what came next. She didn’t want old memories to assail her. Tonight was only for her and AJ, and the past did not belong in the equation, she reminded herself.

AJ felt her tense and traced her lips with a finger until she couldn’t help but smile. Her eyes were still closed, and he desperately needed to see her, to make sure they were both together in this first time.

“Regan,” he murmured. “Open your eyes. Look at me. I need you to look at me,” he nearly begged.

Unable to stop herself, her eyes opened and locked onto his deep, dark ones. All fear fled as she realized that she trusted him with all her heart—as much as she loved him. She knew, somehow, that she didn’t have to be afraid of this most intimate of acts with AJ. And, knowing this, she offered herself.

“I’m with you, AJ,” she murmured, bringing his lips back to hers.

“Thank the stars,” he whispered hoarsely, and, kissing her again, he slid into her.

It was like coming home, they both thought. Though it was the first time, they quickly fell into a rhythm both comfortable and exciting, as though they’d been together all their lives. The beauty of the moment hit Regan and filled her eyes with tears. AJ kissed them away, and, as she wrapped her arms around him, they fell over the edge. Together.

And tell me that we belong together
Dress it up with the trappings of love
I'll be captivated
I'll hang from your lips
Instead of the gallows
Of heartache that hang from above


(AN: Good lord, I suck at writing love scenes…but, hopefully, it wasn’t too painful!)

Lyrics “I’ll Be” Edwin McCain

“What the hell did you do?” Scott stormed into the kitchen of the house that he’d finally settled on as a place to stay.

Sienna shielded the twins from his view and stared back at him. She no longer had the strength to defend herself, but she would die protecting her daughters if she had to.

“What happened?”

Scott glared at her. “You sent a message with your kid, didn’t you? You told them who I was, and where we’re headed. You bitch!”

Before he had a chance to step forward, Sienna stopped him. “I didn’t do anything. I didn’t send any message with Luke. Though I probably should have. It sounds like a damned good idea, after all. It could have gotten my kids and me out of this mess by now.”

Scott backhanded her, and stars filled her head.

“Don’t you dare talk back to me like that!” His face was livid red. “My picture is all over the news, and there is no way I’m going to be able to go out in public now. I’ve been too kind, too generous with you and your brats all this time. This is what I get, huh?” His teeth bared, viciously. “Fine then. Because it’s all your fault, I’m going to kill your kids.”

Adrenaline pumped through her, but she didn’t think she could be fast enough. Scott had yanked a large knife out of a drawer and was headed towards the twins, who were asleep in an armchair. She wasn’t going to make it in time, Sienna thought, terrified. He was standing over them. As she watched, the knife lowered to touch Serena’s skin.

“No!”

***

The baby was crying. Its wails were persistent and penetrated through the walls. The wails themselves sounded angry and jabbed through comfortable dreams. No one was soothing the weeping infant, and she wondered where its parents were. If she had been able to have a child, she knew that she would be there instantly if she were its parent. As it were, she figured she was dreaming and tried to drown out the noise in her dreams.

Kelly sat up. The cries were real, not a part of her dreams. What was going on? She wondered where the wailing was coming from until it hit her that Luke was home. Brian had placed him in the nursery, which was next to her room. Luke’s cries had penetrated through her subconscious, and Kelly wondered why Brian was not with his child. She had thought he was going to spend the night in the nursery, but, apparently, she was wrong.

Rolling out of bed and ignoring the persistent aching of her limbs, she controlled her steps and walked out of her room and into the nursery. When she peeked into the crib, Luke was lying on his back, eyes squeezed shut, and his face scrunched up, turning purple, as he wailed. Kelly couldn’t help but fall in love with the innocent baby.

Lifting him out of the crib carefully, she rocked and patted him. “There, now, Luke,” she murmured soothingly. “You’re safe now. It’s okay, darling. No one is going to hurt you now.”

The baby’s cries remained the same, and Kelly was surprised that she hadn’t passed out from the sheer intensity of each cry. She decided to switch to a different tactic.

Casting around for lullabies, she realized she really didn’t know any. So, she decided to simply sing the first thing that came to mind.

“Do you believe in magic?” she sang softly. “In a young girl’s heart, how the music can free her whenever it starts…”

Little by little, Luke’s cries turned to hiccuping, and Kelly continued to smooth her hand down his back comfortingly. Brian and Sienna were so lucky to have such wonderful children, she mused. Since Luke’s return three days ago, Brian had never let the baby leave his sight. No matter what he was doing, Brian would make certain that his child was nearby and taken care of, preferably by himself. Late at night, she could hear Brian talking to his son, promising him that his mother and sisters would be with them soon. Then, he would sing softly until she knew the baby would be asleep. He was an amazing father, and, if she would ever be able to have a family, she knew she’d want a man like him by her side.

Kelly wondered if she would have sung to her child in the middle of the night. Would she have done it every night without fail? she asked herself. Absolutely. She knew she would do anything to make the world right for her child. At the realization that it was near impossible for her to have a child, tears filled her eyes and trailed down her cheeks.

Brian watched from the doorway, unsure of how to handle the fact that his son was being taken care of by Kelly or the fact that Kelly was crying. He’d left Luke’s room to get a glass of water and had missed hearing his son’s cries. When he’d come back, he’d found Kelly singing to Luke until his wails subsided. Now, his eyes were drooping, and Kelly was weeping silently.

Brian wished there were something he could do or say that would stop her hurting. He had already been wondering whether or not it was a good idea for her to be around Luke, and now he had his answer. It was a terrible idea because she was obviously upset, but he didn’t want to call attention to it and embarrass her either. So, he just stood and watched helplessly as she finally laid his sleeping son into his crib. He stepped out of sight when she left the room and watched her head back to her room, wishing there were some way he could comfort her in return for all her help in taking care of him and his own.

***

Denise McLean was on a mission. She’d been in Lexington for about two weeks, and, during that time, she’d seen her son happier than she’d seen him in the past several years. She had a feeling it had something to do with the FBI agent, and Denise was determined to find out who the woman really was.

Which was why she had dragged Jackie with her to Brian’s home. Jackie was coming to see her grandson and to reassure herself that Brian was still coping well. For reasons Denise was unaware of, Jackie had decided to dislike Kelly, and it was obvious the younger woman was terrified of her friend’s mother. Pushing those thoughts out of her head, Denise sat in the car patiently until the gates to Brian’s home swung open, and Jackie drove through and parked the car.

When they made it to the front door, Brian opened it holding Luke, and Jackie hugged her son, neatly moving Luke from his arms into her own.

“Hey Denise,” Brian smiled over at her. “How’s everything?”

Denise shrugged. “Not bad, dear. How are you hanging in there?”

Brian sighed. “A day at a time. Regan’s working harder than I’ve ever seen anybody work. I swear, if it weren’t for AJ distracting her, she’d work twenty four hours a day to find Scott.”

Denise tried not to react to the mention of her son and Regan Daniels and, instead, patted Brian’s hand. “Don’t worry too much, honey. The FBI knows who he is, so it’ll only be another couple days, right?”

Before Brian could answer, a call sounded from behind him.

“Mom!”

AJ hurried into the living room where they were now seated. The old flowers had long since been cleared away, and Marlena had dropped off new arrangements each week in order to keep Sienna’s home the way she would have wanted it to be, even in her absence. Nick, AJ, and Kelly had cleaned and dusted the house earlier that week, so everything seemed neat and tidy.

Denise smiled up at her son as he dropped down onto the couch next to her.

“Hi hon. It’s been a while since I’ve heard your voice,” she raised a brow expectantly.

AJ rolled his eyes, but Denise noted that he seemed exuberant. “Mom, it’s been kind of busy around here what with the return of the little man,” he gestured over to Luke. “But you know I love you and thought about you, right?” He hugged her as a way of trying to make it up to her.

Denise hugged him back and tried not to think that her baby was nearly thirty years old. Old enough to handle his own life—in most cases, she reminded herself, thinking of a certain redheaded government official.

“I love you, too, my baby,” she patted his cheek. “Why don’t you let Jackie and me spoil Luke a little and you, Brian, and Nick go do something else?”

“Like basketball,” Jackie spoke up. “It’ll take your mind off things. Besides, you need fresh air,” she added with a meaningful look in her son’s direction.

“But Mom,” Brian tried to protest, but his mother shook her head.

“Luke will be perfectly fine with us. Let the old women spend some time with him, honey. You go, get some color into your cheeks. At the rate you’re going, I don’t think I’ll recognize you after a while,” Jackie added. As if to emphasize his grandmother’s wishes, Luke gurgled happily in Jackie’s arms, and Jackie gave Brian a pointed look as if to say, See? Your son thinks so, too.

“Ha ha,” Brian shook his head, then leaned over and kissed his mother’s cheek. “You’ll never be old, Mom. But we’ll go. Come on, J,” he called over his shoulder as he headed out. “You go find Nick. I’ll meet you out front in a few.”

AJ nodded and turned back to his mother and Jackie. “Good idea. Maybe if we get his competitive kick going, he’ll think more positively, too. If that makes sense,” he added, confused at how competitiveness could possibly cause optimism in his mind. Then shrugging it off, he left the room in search of Nick.

As he passed the study on his way to the kitchen, he thought of how amazing he felt. He and Regan had spent all of their first night together and the night before had been equally amazing. He was really and truly in love with her and knew he wasn’t kidding himself this time into feeling something that wasn’t there. This was the real deal, and he was bursting to tell her. However, there were times when he’d wanted to say it, and, seeming to sense this, Regan had closed off. Not wanting to push or intimidate her, AJ kept his feelings inside. Soon, though, he thought. He’d tell her because there was no way he could feel like this and not have it reciprocated. There was no God that cruel.

He stopped just past the study door when he heard Nick’s voice from inside. What was Nick doing with Regan and behind closed doors, AJ wondered. Had Nick never gotten over his crush on her and was he still hitting on her? As jealousy reared its ugly head, AJ pushed open the door. The sight froze him in his tracks.

Nick was leaning over Regan’s shoulder as she explained what she was doing.

“So, see, if you follow this number all the way through the document, you can see where and when the credit card is used. Scott’s smart enough to know how this works, so”

“So, he doesn’t use his credit cards. Just the cash, which can’t be traced,” Nick finished for her. “It’s disgusting how much he’s covered his bases. Except he didn’t bank on Si being smart enough to hide a note on her kid.”

Regan nodded. “I’m hoping Sienna’s smart enough to find ways to leave more clues. Of course, we can’t depend on her, so we keep searching. Unfortunately, I can’t find any other bank accounts—not even ones in offshore accounts that he could be accessing.”

“What about residences? Does he have any in the south? I mean, he lived in Kentucky for a while, so maybe he has some other place further south in, what, Florida or Alabama?” Nick wondered.

AJ couldn’t help but love how smart Nick really was when he stopped playing dumb for the world. The kid could think, and he wasn’t really a kid anymore, AJ reminded himself. He was turning into a considerate, intelligent man who understood the world better than most other people AJ knew. Probably because, with the family he had, Nick had learned more quickly about the failures of human nature.

“Usually, the government has very good files on everyone using their Social Security number. When someone buys, rents, or leases a house, a lot of their information is recorded in public records. The government keeps us all on a very short leash, so, unless Scott used an alias, I can’t find any other place of residence besides the apartment in New York,” Regan was saying when AJ tuned back in.

“And there were no documents in his apartment that might tip us off to any secret hideaway he might have?” Nick asked her.

Regan shook her head. “Unfortunately, no. Sucks, doesn’t it?” she asked as his expression became gloomy.

“Yeah,” Nick began, then, straightening up, he spotted AJ at the door. “Hey! Didn’t see you there. What’s up?”

Regan turned and couldn’t suppress the smile when she saw AJ. He grinned back at her and stepped into the room.

“My mom and Jackie are here,” he began and watched Regan’s face fall at the mention of his mother. “They wanted to spend time with Luke. They also suggested that you, Brian, and me go out and get some fresh air. Knock some color back into Rok’s face because the man looks like death warmed over.”

Nick nodded. “How about a game of basketball? I mean, we haven’t played in forever. I know you don’t like the game, but he loves it.”

AJ sighed exaggeratedly. “Okay. I’ll do it. But only for Brian.”

Nick grinned. “Yeah yeah. I’ll go grab a sweatshirt and meet you guys outside. Thanks for telling me how stuff works in the investigation, Regan,” he added, kissing her cheek.

“No problem,” she smiled at him and watched him hurry out of the room. Then, she turned her attention back to AJ. “Hey, you.”

AJ crossed the room to her and lifted a hand to his lips. “Hey back,” he greeted her. “So I take it the investigation is still stuck?”

Regan stood and stretched then looped her arms around his neck. “I wish I had good news, but I don’t.” Their eyes met, and he could almost hear her demand before she spoke it. “Kiss me, AJ. Make it good because I need something to keep me going.”

AJ’s brows lifted. “What, last night and the night before weren’t good enough?” he teased her.

“They were, but I’d love something more,” she grinned mischievously until his lips covered hers.

She leaned into him, marveling at how incredible he made her feel. She could barely feel the ground beneath her feet every time he had his hands or mouth on her. Which was getting to be often, and she didn’t mind it at all. When he kissed her, she forgot that she was doing a terrible job with the investigation. That she should have been able to find the Littrell women by now, but she hadn’t because she wasn’t a good agent. Because she had gotten too involved, and emotions were clouding her better judgement.

“I can hear you thinking,” AJ murmured against her neck. “It’s loud and sounds like it’s worrying. Stop it.”

Regan leaned back and looked up into the face that was becoming entrenched in her heart. “I can’t. I’m sorry, I should probably get back to this. You should go find the guys and play ball.”

“Yeah,” AJ sighed, not looking at all pleased to have to leave her. “I’ll see you as soon as we’re done. I promise.”

Nodding, she sat back at the computer with her printouts and maps. “I’ll see you then. Have fun with the boys, and play nice.”

“Yes, mother,” AJ grinned at her back and headed out the door not seeing the smile that spread across her face.

***

“I’m going to go talk to her,” Denise said, standing up after she heard the front door shut behind Brian, Nick, and AJ.

Jackie shook her head. “Denise, I think she’ll be good for Alex. Have you seen how happy and light-hearted he seems? I haven’t seen him like this since the Boys first hit number one in Europe all those years ago.”

Denise sighed. “I know, I know. I just think she should know what she’s getting into and how careful she needs to be. He’s been through a lot that she should understand.”

“Maybe she does,” Jackie murmured as Denise left the room. Then she looked down at Luke, who stared back up at her. “I hope your mother and sisters come home, my darling. I pray everyday, and I think Regan is doing a wonderful job considering all the obstacles and lack of evidence.” Placing Luke on a blanket on the floor, she sat next to him and listened to his laughter.

Denise marched to the study, determined to discover the woman who had totally enchanted her son. Regan Daniels needed to know a thing or two about her son, and Denise knew she’d have to tell the young woman to tread carefully and not break his heart because, if she knew the look on her son’s face, he was already in love with her. Which meant that Regan could absolutely not break his heart.

Knocking on the door, Denise entered when she heard the “Come in!” to find Regan at the desk with several maps and a stack of papers that she kept switching back and forth over, muttering to herself and making notes on post-its.

“I’m sorry to bother you,” Denise began and watched as Regan looked over, startled.

“Mrs. McLean! Hi,” Regan greeted her, surprised and terrified. She looked around for an empty chair for the older woman to sit in, and, finding one, she gestured Denise towards it. “Please, sit. This place is a mess, but there’s so much to sift through, so…” she trailed off.

“There’s no need to be embarrassed of your work space,” Denise assured her. “Whatever will help you concentrate doesn’t bother me. Except,” she paused.

After a few moments of silence, Regan prompted her, “Except?”

Denise sighed. “Regan, dear, I don’t want you to take this the wrong way, but I don’t think you’re the best person for my son, right now. I mean, I know you’re together, the way you two look at each other,” she explained.

Regan was no longer horrified but was edging more towards defensive and annoyed. “AJ and I are together, but I don’t understand why I’m not the best person for him. I’m not trying to be,” she clarified, “but we both are happy with each other, so I think it shouldn’t matter to anyone else what’s going on.”

“But it does because AJ is looking for permanence,” Denise explained. “He’s done with waiting for the right woman, and he thinks you’re the one for him. However, he’s been through a lot, and I’m not sure that he’s ready for that. With you. You’re an FBI agent, and he’s an entertainer.”

“If, when you talk about what he’s been through, you mean his alcoholism and drug abuse, he’s already told me. Frankly, I admire him for being able to cope with and recover from it all in the public eye. I’m proud of him, of the man he is. As for what we do for a living,” Regan continued, “I don’t know of any rule in the world that says law enforcement and Hollywood can’t be together.”

Denise shook her head. “I’m sure you’re a wonderful woman, but can you honestly tell me that you’ll spend the rest of your life with Alex? That you’ll marry him? Because that’s what he’s looking for,” she added and watched Regan pale.

Praying for the right words and trying not to panic at what Denise had just told her, Regan spoke. “I can’t tell you that, right now. It’s not that I don’t care for him because I do. More than I thought myself capable of. The thing is, I can’t really think past this investigation to the future. I know it’s not really an answer, but it’s the best I’ve got at this point.”

Denise nodded and stood. “Just promise me one thing. Promise me that you’ll try not to hurt him. Please. He cannot take more pain in his life, so please, if you cannot stay for him, don’t lead him on, thinking that it’ll go somewhere for the two of you.”

Regan tried not to feel the fissures forming in her heart. “I promise I’ll do the best I can to leave his heart intact,” she promised.

Denise nodded and left. Regan rested her head on the desk and tried not to examine what had just happened. She loved AJ, but she knew she wasn’t made for married life. Not with her past. Certainly not with her personal life the way it was outside of what was going on with her and AJ. What they had was something that she’d always treasure for the rest of her life. One day, she’d be able to look back at this time in her life and think fondly of the man who’d proved that she could love. He’d brought her heart to life, and she’d be forever grateful to him. For that reason, she’d honor the promise she’d made his mother and leave without causing him too much pain.

Lifting her head again, she started to turn back to her search when her cell phone jingled. She dug it out from under a pile of papers and opened it.

“Agent Regan Daniels. Hello?…Callie, hey, what’s up? Listen, I’m actually…What did you say?…Oh, my god. Did you try to stop her? What about the school?…So, she’s coming here? Right now?” Regan tried not to burst into hysterical tears. “I know, I miss him, too. I’ve been calling to check up on him every day, but why is she bringing him down here? I’m trying to run an investigation…Of course, I love him! What, am I the evil ogre? Great…No, thanks for telling me. I guess I’ll just wait for them to get here. Yeah, I love you, too. I’ll talk to you later, Cal. Bye.”

Regan hung up and fought the urge to scream. Why was it that every time she turned around, the pressure on her doubled and tripled? She didn’t know how much more she could handle before she could handle nothing more. Now, not only was there added pressure from Denise, she had to worry about how AJ would react to her own life. There was so much he didn’t know, but he’d be finding out soon enough. Tomorrow, if her mother had her way, Regan thought.

Squaring her shoulders, she shook those thoughts out of her head. What came tomorrow would be dealt with tomorrow. Right now, she wanted nothing more than to return to her investigation—sans the distraction.

***

Brian let the chilly April breeze hit his face as he dribbled the ball up the driveway and around Nick to do a lay up shot that bounced on the rim and fell through the basket.

“Yes!” He pumped a fist in the air and grinned at Nick. “I may be getting old, but I can still beat you!”

Nick made a face, but was happy to see Brian smiling. “It’s not fair,” he grumbled. “You stuck AJ on my team.”

“I heard that!” AJ called over as he dribbled the ball back towards the other two. “I’m getting better. I’ve been practicing. Sometimes.” At the looks on Brian and Nick’s faces, he rolled his eyes. “No, really, I really did practice. So, maybe I have a ways to go, but I don’t suck completely.”

Brian patted his shoulder. “Don’t worry, you’re not as bad as Howie.”

AJ’s jaw dropped. “You did not just compare me to D! He actually shot the ball into his own team’s basket. I’ve never done that! Come on, Rok!”

Brian rolled his eyes and grabbed the ball out from under AJ’s hand. “See ya, sucker!” He took the ball up to the net and shot again. Point again.

“Well, it’s good to see him laughing and smiling, right?” Nick muttered.

AJ nodded as they watched Brian do a mock victory dance. “Oh yeah. He’s getting that life back into him. I’m glad.” When Brian had brought the ball back to them, AJ held up a hand. “I gotta tell you guys something.”

Brian caught the ball as it bounced again and tucked it under his arm. “What is it? Spill.”

AJ looked between Brian and Nick. “Okay, well, I’m in love. With Regan.” He waited for their reactions, but they continued to watch him with the same, reactionless expressions on their faces. “Well? Aren’t you going to ask me how that happened? Or anything?”

Brian tilted his head. “Buddy, anybody could tell you were head over heels for her. I have a pretty good feeling she feels the same way, too. But, the thing is, how much do you really know about her?”

AJ frowned. “I know she’s dedicated, loyal, generous, and sometimes takes herself too seriously. But she can still laugh at herself. She wanted to be a FBI agent since high school because her dad worked for them, too. She went to college and then got hired by the Bureau. She’s got a younger sister and her parents are divorced. She also told me that she’d never really had any big relationships in the past, either. Is there anything else I need to know?” he asked them.

“If you love her, then congrats, man,” Nick told him. “But, like Brian said, do you know everything about her? What she’s thinking, what she wants to do for the future, and, most importantly, what she feels about you?”

“She has really strong feelings for me,” AJ said confidently. “I can feel it every time we make love.”

“Oh, lord, AJ,” Brian groaned. “Tell me you did not have sex in my guestroom. You did, didn’t you?” He groaned again. “I feel dirty, now. Really dirty.”

AJ grinned. “Don’t worry, I’ll wash the sheets for you. Seriously, though, I think this might work. I’m going to really push to make it work even when she goes back to Washington. I can’t let her go. I’ve never felt this kind of love before, so I cannot let her go.”

Nick smiled. “I’m glad. You deserve something good, man.” Then, he glanced over as the front door opened, and Kelly stepped out with a bag slung over her shoulder. “Hey, Kelly, what’s going on? Where are you going?”

Brian frowned when he saw the bag in her hand and jogged over to her. “Kelly, what’s up?”

She knew she’d have to be strong and lie her way through this one. Since the night before when she’d stayed with Luke, Kelly had known it was time for her to go. It was too difficult to stay when being with Luke kept bringing back the fact that she desperately wanted her own child. The fact that her feelings for Brian were becoming problematic was not helping the situation at all, either. And, of course, the biggest reason that had convinced her it was time to go was her health. She knew the medicines had stopped working days ago but had stubbornly stuck with them. However, the swelling in her joints and the bouts of vomiting were getting worse, and Kelly knew she needed to check back in with her doctors.

Now, she pasted a smile on her face. “Brian, I need to go. Guza, my director, wants me back. I’ve got a major part, and, while I wish I could stay, I really can’t. I’m sorry.”

Brian shook his head. “No, please, just stay. A few more days and Sienna and the girls will be home, too. Is a few days going to make a big difference with the show?”

Kelly nodded. “I’m sorry, but it will. I promise I’ll call every day to find out how things are, but I really am needed back in LA. Thanks for letting me be here to help you.”

Brian pulled her into a hug. “Thank you for everything. I don’t think I could have retained shreds of sanity without you here.” Leaning back, he kissed her cheek. “I’ll let you know how things go, though, with the media around, it shouldn’t be too hard to find out.”

“No, it won’t, but I’ll still call,” she promised. “I really have to go. I think a taxi should be pulling up” she glanced at her watch “right now.”

Hugging both AJ and Nick and wishing AJ luck with Regan, she headed to the gates and slipped through them. Brian watched her go and knew, deep inside, that she hadn’t left because of her work. It was because she was still heartbroken, and it pained him that he couldn’t help one of his closest friends when she had done so much for him.

Pushing those thoughts out of his head, he turned to Nick and AJ but discovered that they’d grabbed the ball and were now passing it back and forth until they reached the net. With a smooth shot, the ball left Nick’s hands and swished through the hoop.

“Nothing but net, baby,” AJ cheered.

Brian couldn’t help but smile. His life might be a mess, his wife and children missing, but these men, his brothers, were a constant.

Regan’s eyes flew open, and her gaze landed on the clock, which currently read 8:22 AM. She had planned on being up by seven thirty in order to give herself some time to plan out how best to introduce AJ to her life—the most important part of which would be arriving today. However, the night before, it had taken them some time to wear each other out. Not that she would ever complain that such an amazing man was in her life and found her so desirable, Regan mused.

Carefully lifting his arm from around her waist, she wriggled out from under it and climbed off the bed.

“Where are you going?”

Caught. Regan turned slowly and smiled brightly at AJ’s bleary-eyed gaze. “Uh, it’s after eight, and I need to get dressed and get down to the study to work. Some of us do that, you know.”

Sitting up, AJ ran a hand over his close-cropped hair. “Baby, you only slept a couple hours. Don’t you need more sleep than that?”

Heading into the adjoining bathroom, she shook her head. “Nope. Four hours does it for me. Sleeping in and overindulging would be six hours. You should go back to sleep. I’ll just take a shower and meet you downstairs later, okay?”

AJ shrugged and curled up under the covers, wondering at the remarkable stamina of the woman he loved. “See you in a while, then.”

“A while” turned out to be close to eleven o’clock. AJ ambled down the stairs, buttoning his shirt. Now that the only woman in the house was Regan, he figured he and Nick would take turns cooking. And from the smell of it, Nick had made the only thing he could make. Pancakes.

Before AJ could make it to the kitchen, the buzzer for the gate rang, and he glanced back towards the door.

“I’ll get it!” he called to anyone who cared. “Hello?” He spoke into the speaker.

“Um, excuse me, but is this the Littrell residence?” an unfamiliar female voice spoke.

AJ frowned. What, was the media trying to get inside? “Yes, it is. Who is this?”

“This is Rebecca Daniels—Regan Daniels’ mother. I understand my daughter is working here. May I get inside?”

AJ froze. Her mother? Crap. “Yeah, of course,” he responded, hitting the button for the gate.

Five minutes later, he opened the door to a woman with Regan’s deep red hair and aging gray eyes.

“Thank you for letting us in,” Rebecca Daniels told him, entering the house. “I’m Rebecca and this is Jordan.”

She gestured to the young boy AJ had somehow missed seeing the first time. He seemed to be about nine or ten years old with familiar smoky eyes and dark brown hair that curled around his solemn face.

“Hey,” AJ held out a hand and was surprised at the strong grip. “I’m AJ. It’s nice to meet you, Jordan.”

Jordan nodded. “Hi. Is my mom here?”

AJ felt his heart stop. When it kicked back up again, he knew where he’d seen those eyes, that nose, and mouth before. Regan’s son.

“Mama? Jordan?” Regan’s voice spoke from behind AJ. “Jordan! Baby!” Regan hurried past AJ and scooped her son into her arms. “Oh, I’ve missed you so much,” she murmured as she pressed a kiss to his forehead. Setting him down, she ran a hand over his dark curls. “It’s silly, but you’re growing up on me, pal.”

“You’ve been gone more than a month. You promised no more than a month,” Jordan reminded her quietly.

Regan sighed, unhappily, AJ thought. “I know. You know I love you, right?” When Jordan nodded, she added, “It’s a long one, kid. I’m trying to finish it up. To bring home two little girls and their mom.”

“Is it your family?” Jordan asked, turning to AJ. Regan found herself facing him for the first time after he’d met her child. His expression was unreadable when he looked at her, but it softened when he turned to her son.

“No, it’s my friend’s family. This is his home, and it’s his baby girls and wife missing,” AJ explained.

“I’m sorry,” Jordan replied. “But, Mom’s the best. She’ll find them.”

AJ couldn’t help but smile at the pride the boy had for his mother. “Yeah, I think she’s pretty good at what she does.” Before he could continue, the tune of “As Long As You Love Me” jingled behind him.

The group in the foyer turned to see Brian hurrying in, his cell phone held in his hand.

“It’s ringing!” He barely acknowledged the new arrivals before answering the phone. He didn’t care who they were at the moment because all his thoughts were focused on the man at the other end of the line. When Regan had gone into the study, he flipped the phone open. “Hello?”

“So, you figured out who I am, huh?” Scott seemed remarkably cheerful for an identified criminal.

Brian took a deep breath before speaking. “Yeah, I know who you are. Why don’t you just make it easier on yourself and bring my family back. I’m sure the FBI would go easy on you.”

“Ha! I don’t think you understand law enforcement very well, Brian. I kidnapped your family and crossed several state borders to do so. That’s a whole lot of criminal charges there, you know. It’s okay, though. I’m going to relieve the last of my burden today. I just thought I’d let you know,” he added. “Seeing as I’m a nice guy and all.”

“Yeah, real nice.” Brian’s laugh was brittle. “Nice would be if you hadn’t touched them in the first place. When we find you, there is no one, not even God, who’ll be able to save you.”

Scott laughed, and the evil in it chilled Brian’s bones. “I don’t believe in God. Not like you. What I’ve accomplished has been through my own skill. I don’t have time to waste, though, so I’ll let you go.” There was a click, and Brian knew he was gone.

He rushed back towards the office. Regan was pressing buttons on the tracing mechanism. Finally, she looked up at him.

“Orlando.”

His brows shot up. “Florida? Where in Orlando?”

She held up a hand when the phone next to her rang. “Daniels. What can you tell me?” After listening for a moment, she thanked the caller and hung up. “A pay phone outside Tabu. Correct me if I’m wrong, but doesn’t Howie Dorough own that property?”

“Yes,” Brian nodded. “So, the call came from Tabu. He’s keeping it connected to us somehow. He said something about unburdening himself. Did they find anything?”

Regan sighed. “They’re checking out the area, and they’ll call back if they find anything. Brian,” she placed a hand on his arm, feeling the stiff muscles under it. “We’re so close. Can you feel it?”

Brian flopped into a chair. “I want to, I really do. I have Luke back, so part of me keeps hoping that you’ll find his hiding place. But, the longer I go without them, the less hope I have. I mean, if he didn’t harm Luke after a month of kidnapping them, it’s possible that he’s left the others alone, too. That’s the hope I’m holding onto.”

Before Regan could answer, the door opened.

“Mom?” Jordan’s head peeked around the door, making Regan smile at his terrified expression when he saw Brian.

She held out a hand. “Jordan, come in here, hon. Brian, I’d like you to meet someone,” she began as Jordan crossed the room to stand next to her. “This is my son, Jordan. Jordan this is Brian Littrell. It’s his family I’m trying to find.”

Brian managed a smile. “Hi, Jordan. It’s a pleasure meeting you.” Jordan shifted so he stood behind Regan’s chair, and Brian looked past his own troubles to realize he must have scared the young boy when he’d flown into the hall. He smiled again, this time his trademark grin. “Sorry, I scared you before. It’s just, the man that took my family calls me. And, when he does, your mom has to trace the call to find out where he’s calling from. If we can figure out where he is, we can find my family.”

Jordan nodded. “I’m sorry someone stole them. It’s not fair, but Mom’ll bring them home. Then, she can come home, too. Right?” He looked to his mother for confirmation.

Regan smiled at him. “Right. So, where’s Gran?”

“She’s talking to AJ,” Jordan answered. “He’s got lots of tattoos and earrings. You told me guys didn’t get earrings.” He watched his mother, ready to catch a bluff.

Regan sighed. “Okay, I lied. I don’t want these gorgeous ears,” she yanked on his lightly, “to be destroyed.”

“So, you think AJ destroyed his ears?”

“Uh,” Regan looked to Brian for help. She didn’t think AJ had destroyed his ears; it was just his style. It was one she’d come to love.

“I don’t think AJ destroyed his ears,” Brian spoke up. “I mean, I used to have a piercing too,” he told Jordan, pointing to his ear. Jordan crept closer to see it. “The thing is, sometimes, it’s not fun to have. You get it, and it’s cool for a while. Then you just don’t want it, and you’re stuck with a hole in your ear.”

Jordan pondered this. “Okay,” he said finally. “I’m hungry,” he turned to his mother. “And, because Gran took me out of school, I have to do all this extra homework. I hate math,” he told Brian.

Brian made a face. “Eww. Yeah, me too, buddy. If you want help, you can always ask me.”

Regan gave him a grateful smile, which vanished when the phone rang. “Hey, son of mine, why don’t you go find Gran and talk to Nick. He’s the guy in the kitchen who made chocolate chip pancakes,” she explained. “See if he’ll let you have some.”

“Okay,” Jordan said, and, with a nod to Brian, left the room.

Regan grabbed the phone. “Well? Any news?” A look of surprise crossed her face, making Brian sit up and lean forward. “No, no. Just send them up as soon as possible. I want one officer with them at all times. Pick your best. Let me know when they’ve left Orlando. Good work,” she added and hung up.

“Well?” Brian couldn’t sit. Something big had happened.

Regan couldn’t help the smile that split across her face. “They found the twins in a stroller outside Tabu. They positively ID’d them based on their pictures. Your daughters are coming home!”

Brian grinned and grabbing her arms, twirled her around the room. Then he hugged her. “Thank you so much!” Letting go of her, he hurried out of the room.

In the kitchen, he found AJ, Jordan, Nick, and the woman he assumed was Regan’s mother.

“Guess what!” He couldn’t help but want to laugh hysterically. “They’ve found the twins! They were outside of Howie’s Tabu!”

AJ frowned. “Tabu? In Orlando?”

“The guy’s got Sienna in Florida?” Nick couldn’t help but ask.

“Yeah,” Regan answered for Brian. “I don’t know why he would be letting them go. Not that I’m not glad,” she added quickly. “But why kidnap an entire family then give them back little by little?” Unless. A thought occurred to her. Unless his sole purpose was to get Sienna, and the kids were just to stick it to Brian. When her eyes met Nick’s, she knew he thought the same thing.

Brian, meanwhile, was exuberant. “I don’t care why he’s giving them back, just as long as he does. This has to mean only a couple more days and Sienna’ll be home, too!”

“Let’s hope so,” AJ spoke quietly, knowing the chances were slim.

Around three that afternoon, Brian, Jackie, and Regan met the small airplane that carried Kara and Serena at the same airstrip where they’d met Luke. The girls seemed to be in good shape and launched themselves into Brian’s arms when they saw him. Jackie had taken the three of them to the doctor’s office, leaving Regan to go back and start setting up for another press statement. The media was clamoring for news and knew that something big was happening. Brian had asked her to arrange things, so that, when he returned, he could announce the good news.

When she entered the house, Nick met her in the foyer.

“How did the girls look?”

Regan smiled. “They ran to Brian, crying. I think they’re okay. All of them are going to be okay.”

“Once their mother gets home,” Nick added. “Which, I don’t think is going to happen unless you find Thompson’s hideaway. I think his whole goal was to get Si. You think that, too, don’t you?”

Regan sighed. “Yeah, unfortunately, I do. So, I’m going to continue to do whatever I can to find them,” she promised.

“That’d be good,” Nick told her. “So, I like your kid,” he began. “He seems really smart and likes to know exactly what’s going on. He had AJ and me show him all our tattoos and explain how we got them put on. Then, he told us we were weird if we liked needles, but he thinks the earrings are cool.” Nick grinned. “You’ve got a great kid.”

Regan smiled. “Thanks, Nick. He’s the light of my life. Speaking of which, where is he?”

“Chilling with AJ in the den. They were having a really serious conversation when I left them. Which is really weird to see both AJ and an eight year old having, you know,” Nick added.

“My kid’s complex,” Regan told him and headed back towards the den.

When she got there, she simply stood in the doorway and stared at the sight that greeted her. AJ and Jordan were crouched on the floor, a map of the United States stretched between them.

“So then, Gran took this route from Wheeling, West Virginia,” Jordan pointed to a spot on the map, “and we drove the whole rest of the way here on that road. Except, we had to take a few turns to get to this house, but yeah.”

“Cool,” AJ grinned. “I’ve never been to Wheeling. Or to West Virginia. But, I’ve been to almost every other state in the country.”

“Oh yeah?” Jordan was interested. “How did you do that?”

AJ shrugged. “I sing professionally. My songs are on the radio, and, sometimes, I have to travel around the country and do concerts. Huge ones with lots of girls screaming.”

Jordan scrunched up his nose. “Girls always scream. They’re disgusting.”

AJ grinned and ruffled Jordan’s hair. “Tell me that in six years, kid. We’ll see if you think the same thing.” His gaze fell on the doorway, and the grin disappeared. “I think your mom wants to talk to you.” He nudged Jordan.

When her son’s attention switched to her, Regan shook her head. “Sorry, baby. I just wanted to see what you were up to, but I have to go talk to the reporters outside the gates, right now. Brian took Kara and Serena to the doctor’s office with his mother,” she told AJ, who simply nodded and turned away from her. Trying not to feel hurt, Regan turned back to her son. “Give me an hour and a half and we’ll go for dinner together, okay? We’ll let Gran off the hook.”

“She went back to the hotel room already,” Jordan informed her.

“Hotel room?” Regan wondered. “Okay, then. She’s already off the hook. But, tonight, pal of mine, it’s just gonna be you and me. How’s that sound?”

“Can we have lots of spaghetti and chocolate cheesecake?” Jordan asked her hopefully.

Regan smiled, loving her son. “Anything you want. I’m going to make the whole last month up to you. I promise.” She gave him a hug and watched as AJ avoided her gaze. “See you in a few,” she told Jordan, kissing his forehead before she left.

As she prepared her statement, Regan tried not to weep. She hadn’t told AJ the most important parts of her life, and he hated her now. She couldn’t blame him. What sane man would want a woman who’d lied to him? It hadn’t even been about something small. No, it was about the most important piece of her life, and she hadn’t let him into it. True, she’d trusted him, but not with her son. She couldn’t blame him for backing out, putting some distance between them. She would probably have done the same thing, but it hurt nonetheless. She’d lost the first man who’d ever touched her heart, made her feel, and proved to her that she could love. Because it was through her own stupidity, she had no one to blame but herself.

If only she’d followed her own rules and hadn’t gotten involved. She’d never have known that there was so much to feel. And so much to lose, Regan thought. A pit of despair loomed before her as she realized that she’d had to let AJ go before she was ready for it. She had planned to follow his mother’s advice and leave him with a whole heart, but, now, she was left with her own broken one.

“Regan?” Brian stepped into the office. “Ready?”

Blinking back tears, she grabbed a sheet of paper. “Yeah, let’s go.”

When the press had been informed of the return of the Littrell twins, Brian answered any questions he was fielded and turned some over to Regan. Afterwards, they slipped back inside the gates, and Regan looked up at the house where her entire life lay between Jordan and AJ. Next to her, Brian blew out a breath.

“What’s up?” Regan looked over at him. He had been all smiles with the press, but, now, she could see strain in his face. Worry lines were clearly etched across his forehead, and, despite the setting sun, she could see the blue of his eyes clouded.

“I’m scared,” he began and stopped walking. “I mean, yeah, my kids are home, and I couldn’t be more thankful to God that they’re safe. That Scott didn’t touch them. But something in me tells me that I’m not going to see Sienna again. I think he took my children as a kind of smoke screen. His real intention is to have Sienna. He could just disappear with her now, and that terrifies the hell out of me.” He met her eyes. Saw the knowledge in them. “And you already know this. Why am I not surprised?”

She shook her head. “Brian, you had enough on your plate without my adding this as another thing to worry over, which is what you’re going to do now,” she reminded him. “I can promise you this: No matter what, I will bring your wife home. In fact, I’m planning on gathering up as much information as is available to me about Scott and heading down to Florida soon. Within the next day or so. I’ve stayed out of the way too long, and I need to get into the fieldwork part of it.”

Brian nodded. “Thank you, Regan. For everything.”

“Don’t mention it.”

“I won’t, but I will ask you about how you’re dealing with AJ meeting your son. I know you hadn’t told him about Jordan because I would have heard about it,” Brian told her.

Regan sighed and squinted out towards the dying sunlight. “I don’t know what to do, Brian. I had planned on telling him sooner or later. Preferably later. But my mother decided that Jordan needed to see me, which, of course he did. I’ve missed my kid like crazy, but AJ won’t even look at me now. I’ve lost him, and it’s my own fault.”

Brian rubbed a hand over her stiff shoulder. “Maybe you’re not giving him enough credit. I don’t think he’ll back away from you. At least, he usually wouldn’t. Give him some time to deal with the newest piece in the puzzle for him. You did hold out on him after all.”

Regan sighed. “It wasn’t a matter of not wanting to tell him. I was just afraid that he’d reject Jordan and me because of it.”

Brian stepped back from her. “You care about him, and, yet, you didn’t trust him to accept one of the biggest pieces of your life? Maybe I was wrong about you,” he muttered to himself as he turned to head back to the door.

“Wait, Brian,” she caught up to him. “Just hear me out, please.” He watched her for a moment then nodded. “Okay. I—my life has never been easy enough for me to just assume that someone I care about and who cares about me would accept all the pieces of me. Obviously, I was wrong with AJ, with all of you, but I’m afraid that he still won’t want me back because I lied to him.”

Brian sighed and took her hands, squeezing them lightly. “Regan, if he’s mad, it’ll be because, you’re right, you didn’t tell him. He’ll get over it. Has he talked to Jordan at all?” At her nod, Brian smiled. “See? If he was angry, he would’ve walked out on you and Jordan. Instead, he’s hanging out with your kid. Give him time to calm down enough to talk to you without getting angry. I promise, it’ll work.”

“I hope so,” she whispered.

Brian slid an arm around her shoulders. “Let’s go on in, then. I just want to be with my kids right now, and you should go be with yours. You haven’t seen him in over a month either.”

“No, I haven’t. I’m taking him out for dinner, then I’m having a lovely conversation with my mother. After that, I’m going to spend some time working on Scott’s files.” She ticked off her schedule, and, looking up, found Brian watching her, a look of admiration on his face. “What?”

He shrugged. “It’s amazing to see someone who’s got her whole life planned right down to her free time. I hate schedules, but I think it comes from constantly being confined to one for the past fifteen years.”

“Probably,” she murmured and stepped into the house. Brian went to find his kids, and Regan headed to the back of the house.

The den was empty when she stopped in, so she continued back towards the kitchen. She found Howie, Liv, Kevin, and AJ sprawled across the couches in the family room, watching Nick and Jordan battle each other in a video game that seemed to be getting fairly bloody. Wincing a little at the crack of bone (the special effects were quite something, she mused), Regan walked into the room and settled down on the couch next to AJ. She could feel him stiffen, but she paid no attention to him when Kevin called her.

“How’d it go out there?”

Regan sighed. “The media’s enthusiastic, and Brian’s not. He knows Thompson’s not going to hand Sienna over on a silver platter like he did with their kids. I just have to keep working at all the angles and try to poke holes through Scott’s profile. Hopefully, something will pop.” She glanced over at Liv, who was feeding her son. “Have you thought of anything more you might possibly know about Scott?”

Liv looked unhappy. “I keep wracking my brain over it, and I can’t come up with anything. I mean, he dated my best friend for a year and a half, but I didn’t know too much about him. Sienna didn’t really like him as much after a while, so I just stopped caring about the guy, too. I wish I’d paid more attention.”

Howie squeezed her shoulder. “Don’t worry, Livvy. I don’t think I would’ve done anything differently. Besides, there is information out there somewhere. Regan will find it.”

“No pressure,” Kevin added, smiling at her slightly.

“Nope,” Regan shook her head. “Absolutely none.” She glanced over as Nick moaned and Jordan began to dance around him.

“I win! I told you I was the best!” he shrieked with more joy than Regan had seen him show at one time in his whole life. Well, hell, she thought. If it takes the Backstreet Boys to bring my kid out of his shell, then I better stick around. Her eyes met AJ’s briefly then he looked away, leaving Regan to mask the fresh hurt.

“Hey kiddo,” Regan called Jordan over. “Ready to go out for that dinner I promised you?”

Jordan frowned and looked back at Nick and the video game. “Is it okay if we stay here for dinner? Nick promised he’s got another really cool game that he’ll teach me to play. Howie said we could have spaghetti that he’ll make, too! Please, Mom?”

Her little boy’s heart belonged to the men in the room already, and Regan couldn’t help but feel out of the loop. Looking into his grinning, eager face, she knew she couldn’t deny him anything. He was her child, and she’d do anything to make him happy.

“Okay,” she said finally. “We can stay in, but I’m going to head over to see Gran. I need to talk to her, so behave while I’m gone.”

“Nah,” Nick piped up from the floor. “Behaving is for other people. We don’t have to behave, especially if we’re going to be playing another fun and violent game. If your mom approves, of course,” he added quickly, seeing the look on Regan’s face.

She rolled her eyes. “Yeah, yeah, yeah. My kid’s seen enough violence to be able to handle a video game. Right pal?” She ruffled Jordan’s hair.

“Yeah,” Jordan grinned hugely. “Mom’s got a gun, and she knows how to use it. We went to the target practice place, and she rocked.” He went back to Nick’s side and grabbed the controller again. “Best two out of three,” he challenged Nick.

“You’re on, little man,” Nick agreed.

“Cool mom skill,” Kevin smiled as he turned to Regan. “A little unorthodox, but really cool.”

“Introducing your child to violence early on. You’re a real role model for other moms,” AJ said quietly.

The way he said it made her feel ashamed, and, uncomfortable with it, she pushed aside the pain. “Jordan knows what I do for a living, and he knows what I can do. I’ve never actually used my weapon, and Jordan understands that he’s not to touch it,” she answered him in the same quiet tone, her eyes locked on his. “I didn’t want my kid to be surprised one day at what his mother is capable of, so I showed him. If that makes me a bad mother, then so be it.” She turned to the others, knowing that AJ’s eyes were still on her. “I’m going to go find my mother, but thank you for entertaining my son.”

Howie waved it off. “It’s no big deal. We came here to see Brian and his kids, but this is also good. Besides, I should probably start on that dinner soon, too.”

Regan smiled at him, grateful. “Thank you still. I’d better get going. I’ll see everyone later.”

As she headed out, Kevin turned to AJ, frowning. “What the hell crawled up your ass? You know she’s a good mother, and you love her. What are you doing antagonizing her?”

AJ shrugged. “I’d never introduce my kid to weapons—ever. I just can’t understand a mother who would. Even with the profession she’s in, it’s still not right.”

“You can’t judge what’s wrong or right for another person, Alex,” Liv spoke quietly. “If you love her, you need to accept her.”

“Accept her? She kept the fact that she had a child from me!” he hissed in a voice low enough that Jordan wouldn’t hear. “If she cared about me, she would’ve told me about him when I talked to her about my personal life. But, no, she let me do all the talking and didn’t tell me about something that’s obviously such a central part of her life. So you tell me how the fuck I can accept that!” Not bothering to wait for an answer, AJ stormed out of the room, leaving Kevin, Howie, Liv, Nick, and Jordan to stare after him.

“Is he mad at me and my mom?” Jordan finally broke the silence in a tiny voice. “Because I don’t want him to be. I really like him.”

Nick ruffled his hair. “He’s not really mad. Just confused. He and your mom are really close friends, but she didn’t tell him about you, and he wants to know why. That’s all. He’s not really mad.”

“Does he love my mom?” Jordan wondered.

Kevin knelt on the floor at eye-level with him. “AJ does love your mom, but she doesn’t know it yet. So, keep it a secret for him, okay?”

“Is he going to marry her and take her away from me?” Jordan’s voice quavered, making Kevin’s heart ache for him.

“Oh, buddy, nobody is ever going to take your mom away from you. I don’t know if he’s even thought about marrying her yet, but, if he does, it’ll be because he loves you and your mom. AJ doesn’t do things halfway,” Kevin told him.

Pondering this for a few moments, Jordan nodded. “Okay. I’ll keep the secret because I like him. I like his voice and his hugs. It feels nice.” He turned to Nick. “Can we play again?”

“Sure,” Nick replied, surprised at how quick the kid bounced back.

Kevin sat back on the couch next to Howie and sighed. “AJ’s got a long way to go if he wants Regan.”

“I think he can do it,” Howie said.

Kevin ran a hand through his hair wearily. “I hope so. I think they’d be good for each other.” He stood again. “I’m going to go find Brian, so I’ll see you guys in a bit.”

Howie nodded then turned to his wife and son. “I’m going to get started with dinner. I’ll be in the kitchen so holler if you need anything,” he told her, kissing her lightly.

***

Brian held Luke in his arms and watched as Serena and Kara reacquainted themselves with their nursery and their toys. Serena sat playing with piles of building blocks, while Kara delightedly pressed the different buttons on her toy computer. Brian knew he’d eventually get tired of hearing “Red balloon” and “Blue circle” repeatedly, but, at the moment, he was too deliriously happy to have his children safe where he could keep his eye on them.

Mac Jenkins had examined the twins and announced that they were perfectly fine, too. They just needed to be bathed and fed properly again. So, the first thing he’d done after the press conference was to send his mother home, so he could take care of his children on his own. He felt selfish but didn’t want to share them with anyone else at the moment. He had lost them and now needed badly to spend time with them.

“I just need your Mommy back,” Brian murmured to Luke as he set the baby on a blanket with a bouncing ball. Luke was more than happy to watch the ball bump around on his legs and let out a gurgling laugh.

Brian grinned at the sound of all three of his children giggling, but it vanished when he wished that Sienna could be there with them. Where was she? Was she safe? Questions plagued him, and he tried to avoid thinking of the things she might have suffered in order to protect their children. Had Scott harmed her? If he had, Brian knew the man was likely to walk the earth less than an hour before Brian killed him. Homicide or not, it was what the man deserved for terrorizing his family. For causing any of them even a moment’s fear.

“Is there something wrong with the kids?”

Brian whirled around to face Kevin standing in the doorway. “Huh?”

Kevin gestured towards the children. “You were frowning at them, so I was just wondering if there was something wrong with them.”

Brian shook his head. “No, no. There’s nothing wrong with them. I was thinking about Sienna. Where Scott could have her.”

Kevin sat on the floor next to his cousin and placed a hand on his shoulder. “She’ll come home safe. Regan’s one determined FBI agent, and she’s not going to stop until Scott’s slapped behind bars where he can’t touch anyone else.”

“Prison’s too good for him,” Brian muttered. “I just have this really sick feeling at the pit of my stomach. I feel like there’s something really horrible happening to Sienna, and I can’t protect her from it because I don’t know where to find her. I keep pinching myself, hoping this is one of those nightmares where you keep trying to find something just out of your reach. Except, when I pinch myself, I realize I’m already awake, and Scott’s disappeared with my wife.”

Kevin couldn’t think of anything to say, so he sat with Brian and watched the babies tire themselves out and fall asleep within a half hour.

***

Regan knocked on her mother’s hotel room door. After a moment, Rebecca Daniels opened the door, and Regan gave her a deadly look before stepping into the room.

“Regan, honey, I didn’t expect to see you tonight,” Rebecca began, sitting down on the lone bed in the sparsely decorated room.

“Spare me the crap, Mama,” Regan said, shaking her head and dropping into a chair. “You know what you did was wrong and compromises my ability to focus on the case, don’t you? For God’s sake, Mama, you were the wife of an agent for a long time, but you still didn’t figure it out!”

Rebecca held up a hand. “Do not shout at me, Regan. I am your mother, and, as such, I still have some say in your life and how you raise your child. Which does not include leaving him with me to disappear for over a month.”

“He’s not your child to raise. And I think I’ve done a pretty good job with him,” Regan replied.

“I don’t doubt that, but it’s not fair to Jordan to wait around every day, wondering if his mother’s going to come home today. He misses you every time you leave on an investigation. Don’t you feel any pain at all?”

Her anger drained because she knew Rebecca was right. Regan sighed. “I miss him, too. All the time. I hate being away from him, but this is the life I chose. He understands that, most of the time.” She knew her mother was watching her disapprovingly and realized she would probably disapprove of herself, too. She sighed again. “Are you just going to leave him here and go back home, then? What about his school work?”

Rebecca shook her head. “Don’t worry about his work. I spoke with the school, and they gave him his work for the next two weeks. And, yes, he will stay with you until this case is completed. You owe it to your child to be there for him. He needs his mother.”

Regan nodded. “I know, and I need him, too. It’s just that things are a bit more complicated with this case. It’s not so cut-and-dried anymore.”

“AJ McLean,” Rebecca prompted her daughter.

Regan gave her a surprised look. “Well, I—yes,” she admitted. “I am involved with him. I couldn’t help myself, Mama, and I’m pretty sure I’m in love with him.”

“It’s been a month,” Rebecca reminded her.

Regan shook her head. “I think when it’s right, it’s right. AJ and me, we feel right. But I didn’t tell him about Jordan before you arrived today.”

“Uh oh.”

“Yeah,” Regan murmured. “He’s not speaking to me. Although, I found him having a conversation with Jordan. Jordan adores AJ already. In fact, he loves all of them, which is why he’s still at Brian’s house instead of here with me.”

Rebecca smiled. “You have raised him right, honey. I just want you to be around for him because I don’t want either of you to miss out on time with the other. And if this thing with AJ is meant to be, it will be. He seems like a good man with a good heart,” she thought aloud.

“He is,” Regan assured her mother. “I just don’t think he was ready to find out that I am a mother. His own wants me to be careful not to break his heart. She thinks AJ wants to marry me, but I think I ruined all of that. Which is just as well because I couldn’t stay anyway,” Regan added.

Rebecca looked confused. “Are you telling me that you have a wonderful man by your side, but you don’t want a future with him? Honey, what’s stopping you?”

Me, she thought. Instead she said, “Like you said, it’s only been a month. I can’t be sure that something like this will last after only a month. I have Jordan to think about, too. I can’t plan a future with someone without thinking first of my son’s wishes.”

“True,” Rebecca began, but she was cut off by Regan’s cell ringing.

Regan threw an apologetic glance at her mother then answered the phone. “Hello?”

“Agent Daniels, this is Captain O’Brien. I’m calling to let you know that we will be unable to send you any reinforcements for at least the next ten days. Unfortunately, you’re on your own. However, I’d like to congratulate you on your successful endeavors to recover three of the four abductees. Good work.”

“Thank you, sir. I’m sorry about the reinforcements, but I’m going to be leaving Lexington to head down to Florida and see what I can find there because Thompson’s last call was from Orlando. There may be some evidence left over around Tabu. I’ll fill you in as soon as I’ve made any further progress.”

“Of course. Thank you, Agent Daniels. Your hard work will be duly noted and properly awarded. Good bye,” and the captain hung up.

Before Regan could recover from the surprise of the call from her superiors, the cell in her hand rang again. Glancing at the caller ID, she answered.

“Hey, Howie. What’s up? Did Jordan do something?”

“No, not at all,” Howie’s voice sounded excited. “I just thought you should know that Liv remembered something about Scott. Something important. I think you should get back here, so she can explain it to you in person.”

“That important, huh?” Regan wondered what it could be and hoped it was the missing piece she was looking for. “Okay, I’ll be there in fifteen minutes. Tell her not to forget until I get there.”

“I’ll do that,” Howie promised, and Regan hung up.

She gave her mother an apologetic smile. “Sorry, Mama. I have to go. I think something important is about to happen, so I need to get back. When are you leaving?”

“Tomorrow morning, honey. I’m sorry I can’t stay longer. You’ve got your investigation, and I’ve got a deal to close the day after tomorrow on a really big estate,” Rebecca explained.

Regan nodded and hugged her mother. “Thank you for bringing him,” she murmured. “It’s good to have him with me.”

“Anytime,” Rebecca told her. As Regan opened the door, her mother stopped her again. “Honey, if he makes you happy, don’t do anything to jeopardize it. Love’s hard to find. Don’t give it up.”

Regan fought to keep steady and nodded. “I’ll try my best.”

***

When she walked into Brian’s house, Regan followed the loud, excited voices back to the kitchen. She found Jordan sitting at the kitchen table with Nick, eating spaghetti and watching the adults talk. Liv was explaining something to Brian, but Kevin and Howie kept interrupting to add something more, until Liv spotted Regan.

“Regan! Listen, you have to hear this! It’s gotta be that missing link you were worrying over,” she spoke, excitedly.

Regan slid a notepad out of her pocket. “Okay, tell me. What did you remember?”

Liv took a deep breath. “Scott was adopted, but you know that. However, when his adoptive parents died, they left a hell of a lot of money and properties for Scott. He never switched it under his name, which, by the way, is different from theirs. That’s why the only property that pops under his name is the one in New York. I think I remember him saying something about there being an estate in Charleston, Lexington, and one in Florida somewhere. He’s got to be hiding out at one of them!”

Regan nodded calmly though the scent of the hunt had her blood racing. “I’ll see what I can do with this information. It might be the key,” she told Liv. “If it is, you may just have rescued Sienna from the devil himself.”

Brian slid an arm around Liv as Regan hurried out of the room. “Thanks. You saved my wife.”

Jordan looked from one adult to the next. “This is a good thing, right?” he wondered.

Howie sat next to him. “Oh, yeah. This could mean that your mom will be able to find Brian’s wife.”

“She’ll find her,” Jordan assured the older man in a certain tone. Howie could only hope that he was right.

Regan brought up the files on the deceased Mr. and Mrs. Carter Lawrence. They’d died in a car accident nearly ten years earlier. Scott would have been just over twenty years old and more than able to understand how to work with the massive fortune his adoptive parents had left for him. But why hadn’t he had the deeds changed to his name? Out of respect? Maybe. Or maybe he had planned something for the money all along and didn’t want it traced back to him.

Regan went with the second choice and scanned the list of properties. Indeed, Lexington and Charleston were on the list, along with a condominium in Boston and a penthouse in Los Angeles. Carter Lawrence had been a major stockholder in four Fortune 500 companies and his wife had been the only child of an old money family. They had certainly done well for themselves, she mused. Then her heart jerked as she read the last of the properties.

Daytona, Florida. Two hours east of Orlando. Close enough to make the drop-off for the twins, but far enough to be safely away when the cops arrived.

Maybe, she thought. It had to be either Daytona or Charleston. But she was betting on Daytona. No one would expect to find them at a busy beach, and Scott was not, despite current evidence to the contrary, a stupid man. The best place to hide was a crowd, Regan knew. Scott Thompson was either taking full advantage of it, or she would end up eating her own shoe.

Glancing down at her watch, she knew it was too late to leave for Charleston that night. Besides, she needed to spend time with Jordan. She would explain the situation to him and leave in the morning. She’d alert the police in both Charleston and Daytona, and, just in case, have searches done on the other properties, too. She could easily get the warrants for them and set about to do just that.

He couldn’t sleep, so he watched his children sleep. They were so peaceful, and it gave him a sense of tranquility, too. Of course, until his wife was home, he knew there would be no sense of complete happiness for him. He knew he was imagining her homecoming to be some idyllic fantasy, but the reality was too difficult for him to face. If she wasn’t somehow traumatized after all this, he would be amazed at her superhuman abilities. But, she was his wife, and, as strong as he had known her to be, he wasn’t sure if she would escape this unscathed.

“Can’t sleep?”

Brian looked up and found Nick standing in the doorway. “No, I can’t. I mean, Regan said that they’re so close to finding them, and I just can’t close my eyes because, if I do, I’m afraid the news will have been a dream. That she’s still out of my reach somewhere.”

Nick dragged over another rocking chair and sat in it. “She’s going to be okay, Bri. No matter what happens, she’s going to make it back here.”

Brian sighed. “I wish that I could be that positive. Scott wanted her more than anyone else. Who knows what he’ll do if he’s cornered.”

Nick reached out a hand and placed it on Brian’s arm. “Do not think like that. Don’t think about that because it’s not going to happen. God would not be that cruel. You believe that don’t you?”

Did he? Brian wondered. All his life, he’d prayed to God and believed himself blessed in all aspects of his life. If God were truly as wonderful as he’d always believed, why had He taken his family and put them in harm’s way? The questions shamed him, but he couldn’t prevent them from circling in the back of his mind. And now, here was Nick, a guy who believed in God but not to the extent that Brian did, and his faith was stronger than Brian’s was at this point. There was something wrong with that, Brian thought. Maybe he really should have more faith.

He looked over at Nick. “Did I ever tell you how grateful I am that we’re friends?”

“Brian”

Brian cut him off, shaking his head. “No, really. You keep me grounded, Nick. I look at you and everything you’ve had to deal with and think ‘God, I should learn about self-reformation from Nick’. You and AJ have gone through incredible internal struggles and come out on top. Nick, I’m proud of you.”

He had to steady himself before he could speak without blubbering. “You don’t know how much that means to me, Bri. You’ve always been the older one, the one who was mostly in control and sure of where you were supposed to be in life. I was the idiot who needed to act out and get arrested before I could figure out who I was.”

“You’re Nick Carter,” Brian reminded him.

“But not just the Backstreet Boy or that singer. I’m a brother, an honorary uncle, and just a plain guy who’s figured out that he doesn’t have to screw around to get attention. Hell, I don’t even want the attention anymore.” Nick shook his head. “I like who I am, Brian. Who I am when I’m not fighting with my parents. I like taking care of Aaron and BJ and the others. It makes me feel like I’m doing something productive with my life when I take care of them.”

Brian couldn’t help but smile. “You’ve found you. I couldn’t be happier about that. Seriously,” he added at Nick’s incredulous look. “Kid, you’ve wanted to find who you were since I’ve known you. You went the sweet heartthrob way, the jackass jailbird way, and the crazy rocker route. It all brought you back to here. To you. You’re exactly who you’re supposed to be, and I love it. I love you.”

Nick grinned. “Yeah, I love you, too. I wish it hadn’t taken me all that time to figure everything out. I mean, I pissed Kevin off a hell of a lot all those times I got into fights and fucked up.”

“But you ended up here, with us. Where and who you’re supposed to be.” Brian ruffled his hair. “But, right now, you’re a dead tired Nick. Go to bed.”

“You, too,” Nick told him.

Brian glanced back at where his children were sound asleep and then looked at the clock.

“Two A.M. Yeah, I guess I’ll try to sleep,” Brian muttered, standing and stretching the muscles that were sore after sitting in the same position for hours.

“Hey,” Nick spoke up again as they left the nursery. “I was wondering. What do you think of the whole deal with Regan and AJ, and, now, her kid?”

Brian sighed. “AJ loves her, he’s going to have to accept her kid. He’s going to have to be able to calmly ask her why she kept her son a secret from him, and then he’s gotta let it go. I like them together.”

“AJ’s been oozing happiness and goodwill all over the place for the last couple weeks,” Nick thought aloud. “If she can do that to him then they should be together.”

“For better or worse,” Brian murmured, thinking of his own marriage and how well it worked.

Nick stopped. “Whoa, wait. I didn’t say anything about marriage.”

“But you know AJ’s going to think it. He might already be thinking it,” Brian said.

“Yeah, but, oh damn it! If he gets married, what am I supposed to do?”

Brian grinned. “At being the only unmarried one of the five of us? We’ll find you somebody, Nicky.” His grin disappeared. “Hey, why haven’t you dated anyone in the last couple years? I mean, the last woman you were with was Paris, wasn’t it?”

Nick sighed. “Yeah, it was. I don’t know.” He shrugged. “I just haven’t been interested in anyone after her, I guess. It’s no big deal. If I find someone, that’s great. Women don’t have to be the main focus in life anymore, right?” He looked to Brian for confirmation.

“No, but it would be nice to see you all settled down, Nick. Not that it’s not good to see you happy now,” Brian added quickly. “You know what? It doesn’t matter. You’re right. When the right person comes along, it won’t matter what you’ve done to find her in the past. You’re good exactly the way you are. Go, now. Go on to bed.” Brian gestured him towards the stairs, down to the den where Nick had taken up residence.

Nick shook his head. “I’ll see you in the morning, Bri.”

“In the morning,” Brian agreed then turned to head towards his own room, which awaited him. Empty. Alone.

***

Regan pressed her face into her pillow and fought the urge to scream. It was four-thirty in the morning, and she had been awake since eight the previous morning. She’d tried counting sheep, humming to herself, and listening to the steady breathing of her son, who was currently curled up on the bed next to her. But nothing would help her fall asleep. It was the sheer adrenaline of knowing she was so close to finishing out a case that kept her up. Otherwise, she would have followed her son into dreamland hours ago.

Jordan. Regan propped herself up on one elbow to look down on her son’s peaceful face. She knew her life had truly begun the day he had been born, nearly nine years earlier. How she could have contemplated giving him up, she still couldn’t understand to this day, but she was grateful to have him. He centered her when her life became too crazy for her to understand. Coming home and seeing his face, sitting down to help him with his homework, and just being both mother and friend to him was her greatest joy in life. And now, here he was, with her.

Jordan loved all the new people he’d met earlier. He’d excitedly recounted every virtual battle he’d beaten Nick in and conveniently left out the ones in which Nick had creamed him. Howie’s spaghetti had taken a number one spot on his list of favorite foods, and Brian’s dogs were the “coolest pets ever”. Regan smiled, remembering the way he’d told her about how AJ and the other guys were singers and traveled all over the world. He’d loved AJ’s tattoos, thought them really neat, though not what he’d want for himself at all. She could tell that AJ and the other men were starting to take role model status in Jordan’s mind and didn’t really mind it because they were good men, all of them.

She tried not to think of AJ. Of the other man who had become so precious to her so quickly. But, she’d hurt him, and he’d lashed back. She understood why, but it stung no less. The case would be over soon. She could feel it instinctively, as she often felt when she was near to closing others. Perhaps it was best that she’d managed to sever their relationship before distance and circumstance had done it for her. Regan knew he cared for her, maybe even loved her. That thought filled her with such longing, and she wanted to cry. She wouldn’t, though. She’d shed enough tears, and she wouldn’t cry now. Maybe sometime later. When enough time had passed for her to be able to look back on what she knew was a turning point in her life.

He’d taught her to love, to open her heart. He’d proved that she had a heart that could be opened to love. Years ago, Jordan’s father—no sperm donor, Regan corrected herself—had destroyed her. Now, she knew that she had rebuilt, recovered, and could be complete. She didn’t have to be afraid or ashamed, and she would always, always be grateful to AJ for that.

Turning back to look at the clock, she figured it would be better if she simply got out of bed now. She was set to leave Lexington at eight that morning, just over three hours from now. There was no point in her pretending to sleep when she knew she would soon have too much adrenaline running through her to feel exhausted. When all this was done, she would take her son home and crash for three days.

Looking down at Jordan again, she brushed a kiss on his forehead and slid out of bed.

Half an hour later, she paced the office. Everything she’d need was packed. Her notes, the warrants that had been faxed to her the night before, and her gun—the piece that AJ had criticized her for. No, she reminded herself, she would not think of him now. If she did, it would break her concentration, her focus, and at such a crucial point in her work, she couldn’t afford to be distracted.

Knowing there was nothing more she could do, she walked back through Brian’s home and through the sunroom, the initial crime scene. There was no longer caution tape over the doorway, the glass had long since been repaired, and she could see the first hints of sunrise at the horizon. Pushing open the door, she stepped out and onto the pebbled walkway that wound its way through a garden beginning to bloom.

As she followed the path, it led her through gardens she knew Sienna would tend to once she was home. She could see the beauty that the beds of flowers would soon exude. Tulips had already sprung up and, though closed now, they’d open in the sunlight. Soon, the gardens opened up to a large, free form pool, which was currently empty. She noted a small waterfall and a built-in hot tub set a few feet from the pool on higher ground. Shrubbery and more flowerbeds surrounded the pool. Beyond this area, the path led to a fork. One way led towards a large greenhouse while the other led out towards the rest of the property, out towards the grove of trees that sheltered the rest of the backyard and shielded from sight the gate that Scott had driven through to capture his victims.

Regan pushed thoughts of the investigation to the back of her mind. She needed to put it aside for a few minutes before she dove into it. Today was going to be an important day, but she needed to be mentally prepared for it. From previous experience, she knew that if she didn’t give herself a break from it, it would slowly eat her up inside until, when the case was over, she couldn’t function. So, she would not do that to herself this time. Especially because once this case was over, she would have to deal with leaving AJ behind, too.

When she turned to look back at the house, dark except for the trail of lights she had left on in the first floor, she could see a figure standing on the back steps, watching her. Without seeing his face, she knew it was AJ. She watched as he came down the steps and followed the same path she had until he reached her. Not knowing what to say, she spoke the first words that came to mind.

“It’s early for you to be up, isn’t it?”

AJ shrugged and zipped up the hooded sweatshirt he wore along with ragged sweatpants. “I couldn’t sleep. I heard you come out here, so I thought I’d see what you were up to.”

“Well, now you know. I was just taking a walk, waiting for the sun to come up.”

He looked past her shoulder at the horizon. “There’s still some time until that happens. When do you leave?”

She sighed. Of course, he was angry, he wanted her gone. Unable to meet his eyes, she began to walk further out on the path. “Eight o’clock. I have a flight at nine.”

“Cutting it close, aren’t you?”

She shrugged. “It’ll be fine.” Knowing he was following her, she stopped and turned to face him. “Look, you should just go on back in and go back to sleep. I’ll be fine.”

He watched her for long moments. Then, letting out a frustrated breath, he shook his head and turned back towards the house. After taking five steps, he stopped and came back towards her. She couldn’t see his eyes in the dawn light and wished she could.

“I want to clear the air,” he said finally. “I said some ugly things to you. Things I didn’t mean. You’re a great mom, and it’s apparent from the way your kid adores you and the way he’s so well-adjusted.” He paused. “I shouldn’t have said that whole bit about your ability to handle a gun. It’s part of your job, and it was logical for you to have explained it to Jordan in case he ever saw you use it. I’m sorry.”

She managed a tight smile. “It’s okay. You were angry because I hadn’t told you about Jordan.”

“Why didn’t you?”

There was no anger in his tone, just bafflement. She tried to pick and choose her words carefully and couldn’t look at him.

“I was afraid that you would see me differently if I did. What’s between us was so new, and I didn’t want to mar it by throwing my kid into the mix. I didn’t want you to walk out because you couldn’t handle it.”

“Handle what? The fact that you have a kid? Regan, it just makes me see you as more, so much more than just a kickass FBI agent. You’re a mom, raising your kid on your own. That makes you so much more attractive in my book. I admire you for doing such a great job, which you can see in how amazing Jordan is. My mother raised me on her own, too. How could I not admire you for doing what my mother did?”

She hadn’t thought of it that way up until this moment. “But you were angry with me,” she reminded him. “If you admired it, why were you so pissed off? Because I lied,” she answered herself.

AJ shook his head. “Damn it, Regan. Why can’t you give me a little credit? There I was, saying hi to your mom—Christ, your mother. And, all of a sudden, in walks this kid who’s got your eyes, nose, and mouth, and I was stunned. You have a child, this new piece to the puzzle when I hadn’t even finished putting together what I already knew of you, and there’s your son. Anger was the easiest of emotions to feel. You hadn’t told me about your son, so what was I to think? I’d shared all of me with you, but you couldn’t give me the most important piece of you.”

Regan felt ashamed. He was right. He’d given himself to her fully, but she hadn’t been able to trust him with her son. She had been wrong to think he wouldn’t understand her. He understood better than most other people who knew of her child.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “So sorry. You’re right. I didn’t trust you the way I should have. I hope, one day, you can forgive me for it.” She looked back up at him. “The last month was incredible, AJ. I want to thank you for that, and I’m sorry that I ruined it all.”

He shook his head, confused. “What the hell is going on? Are you breaking things off with me?”

Now she was confused, too. “I—well, I just thought, you know, that you were angry with me. That you didn’t want to be with me anymore.”

AJ took her hands. “You’re wrong.” He laid his lips on hers gently. Regan closed her eyes and felt the relief and little sparkles of excitement his kiss kindled in her blood. “Does that feel like I’m breaking things off with you?” he asked, leaning back enough to see the dazed smoke of her eyes.

She managed to shake her head. “No, I…AJ, you make my head spin.”

He grinned. “Good.” He cupped the back of her neck and brought her lips back to his, feeling his blood heat and race from having her in his arms. No other woman, AJ thought, no other woman had made him feel quite like this before. He’d never felt as though he couldn’t breathe when she was near, as though, each time he saw her, he needed to grab onto her and sink into her warmth. Only Regan. Always Regan.

Opposites attract, chemicals react
But when I look at you
Deserts need the rain
Fires feed the flames
Can’t deny what’s true

“AJ.” Regan pulled back far enough to catch her breath and look into his eyes. “I can’t wait. I need you,” she murmured, dragging his mouth back to hers.

“Then we won’t,” he whispered against her mouth and yanked her jacket down her arms as she slid the zipper for his sweatshirt down.

Can’t help the way I feel
Cause you got me
All these elements are real
They come from deep within me

His fingers fumbled as he tried to unbutton her blouse, and he swore, making her laugh.

“Christ, why the hell do you have so many buttons on this shirt?”

She pushed aside his hands and unbuttoned it herself, shrugging out of it. In the dim light, he could make out the goosebumps that rose on her skin and pulled her close to him.

“You’re cold, baby,” he murmured as her lips traveled over his shoulder.

“No, I’m not. Not with you here.” Her lips returned to his as his hands roamed over her, unhooking her bra and tossing it to the ground alongside the rest of their clothing.

Unable to wait, he lowered her to the grass. She could feel it tickle her bare back and arched up to meet his lips.

We don’t have no walls
Beauty of it all
Is waiting in your eyes
Breathing on my skin
Just let me take it in
Under an open sky

His hands were everywhere, and she could feel the pressure building within her. When his mouth roamed over her, following the path his hands had taken, she could only clutch the grass in her hands to keep from floating off the ground. She could see the stars, the ones in the sky and the ones in her head when his fingers shot her over the edge.

Surprised, she arched up and, gasping, called out his name. The pleasure of it ran through his blood and had him driving her to peak again. Knowing he wouldn’t be able to hold on much longer, he cupped her face in his hands and locked eyes with her clouded ones. He saw the shock, the pleasure in them when he plunged into her. He could feel her muscles go limp but dragged her with him. The need for her, for Regan was a primal beat in his blood—one he knew would die when he did. As the first rays of sunlight bathed them in golden waves, he crushed his lips to hers again and whispered the words that had been caged up in him too long.

“I love you.”

I would move heaven and earth
For this fire, for this ocean
I’d fight for you
Let this emotional wind take us higher
Where there’s nothing we can’t do
I love you
This power is greater than
The forces of nature

***

AJ couldn’t help but whistle as he walked down the hall towards the kitchen. Five hours earlier, he’d made love to Regan outside, on Brian’s lawn, as the sun had risen. Later, he’d pulled her close to him and watched the world come to life around them. She hadn’t mentioned or acknowledged the fact that he’d declared his love to her. Of course, he’d picked a ridiculous time to say it, but the words had popped out before he’d thought he’d been ready to say them.

In order to cover up for it, he’d asked her about Jordan’s father.

“Why do you want to know?” Regan wondered. “It was a long time ago, and he obviously doesn’t matter.”

AJ shrugged and rubbed a hand over the goosebumps trailing down her arm. “I just want to know if he’s important to Jordan or not.”

Regan shook her head. “He doesn’t matter. He’s not important. We consider him a sperm donor, and Jordan is happy without a father.”

“You think I won’t understand,” AJ murmured. “But I do. I never knew my dad, and he doesn’t exist for me, either. I can understand exactly how that works. It’s enough to just have a mother who loves you. You and Jordan are lucky to have each other.”

She kissed him. “Thank you,” she whispered. “For caring, for understanding, and accepting this.”

“Always, babe.”

She’d left Jordan behind, and AJ had figured it was time to find the eight year old. He wanted to know Jordan, to care about him as much as he did the child’s mother. Besides, there was no one for Jordan to hang out with while Nick and Brian were gone. Brian had been unable to sit around the house, and he and Nick had taken the twins and Luke to a park for fresh air. Meanwhile, Denise had come over to make lunch and just be around in case anyone needed anything. AJ knew she was in the kitchen and headed in that direction.

As he hurried past the den, a voice stopped him.

“AJ?”

He turned to look into the room and found Jordan sprawled across the floor with a pile of papers and a pencil. He sat up when AJ stepped into the room and smiled a little.

“Hey, kid,” AJ sat down next to him. “What’s going on?”

Jordan gestured to the papers in front of him. “I gotta do all this work because I’m here and not in school. I ditched the English stuff because I don’t want to read the stories. But I really don’t like math either.”

“Math, huh? Let’s see what you’ve got.” He reached for the paper Jordan had been working on.

“It’s multiplication tables,” Jordan explained.

AJ nodded. He’d liked math in school. Until he’d gotten to algebra, anyway. Even then, though, he’d been good at it. Now, he frowned at the multiplication problems and could hear his third grade teacher’s voice in his head.

“Do you know how to do these problems?” AJ asked him.

Jordan shook his head. “I know how to do the easy stuff. But this is the long multiplication.”

“Like carrying over to the next column and all?” AJ prompted him and earned a nod and smile from Jordan. “So, you don’t know how to do the carrying over stuff?”

Jordan nodded again. “I thought I did, but it doesn’t make sense when I do the problem. Do you multiply with the carried over number or what?”

AJ got comfortable. “Well, first of all, you have to multiply the first column the right way. Then, when you carry the tens place number over, you…”

When Denise walked past the den looking for her son, she stopped, hearing the giggles of a young boy and the deeper chuckles of her own son. She poked her head into the den and found AJ and a younger boy with their heads bent low over a sheet of paper. AJ seemed to be explaining something to him, and the child was nodding as though AJ’s words were the words of God.

“AJ?” Denise stepped into the room and was met with two pairs of eyes—one deep brown and the other a smoky hue. She knew then whose child she was about to meet.

AJ smiled up at his mother. “Hey, Mom. I want you to meet someone.” His arm draped around the boy’s shoulders, and Denise watched as the child leaned against her son’s arm. They looked right together, she couldn’t help but think and smiled at Jordan.

“Mom, this is Jordan Daniels. Regan’s son. Jordan, this is my amazing mom.” AJ introduced them.

Jordan smiled tentatively. “Hi, it’s nice to meet you,” he greeted her politely.

Denise couldn’t help but smile again. “It’s nice to meet you, too, Jordan. You look a lot like your mom,” she added and watched the grin bloom on his face.

“Thanks! Everyone says that,” he said proudly.

“Everyone is right,” Denise assured him. She looked from AJ to Jordan and back again, her heart doing a happy dance. She looked at Jordan again. “I was just on my way to find someone who could help me bake chocolate chip cookies. AJ usually likes to, but I was wondering if you could help me out, too.”

Jordan jumped up. “Okay! I make them with Gran and Aunt Callie all the time! I’d like to help you, please,” he added, remembering the manners his mother had drummed into him.

Oh you precious, precious child, Denise thought. Her heart already belonged to him as she knew AJ’s did. “Of course, you can help me. I’d be honored,” she added.

AJ stood. “I hope I can still help, too.”

Jordan grabbed his hand. “Yes, yes! We can make it a big project! Let’s do it together!”

He looked eagerly between the two adults, making them smile. “Let’s go bake cookies, then,” Denise said and led them out and into the kitchen.

***

While her son baked cookies, Regan sat in a Charleston police station and ticked off the Lawrence properties that had turned up clean. Lexington, Los Angeles, and Boston were empty. As was the one in Charleston, Regan thought, remembering her own exploration of the estate an hour before. There hadn’t been a sign of anyone in the home, but she was nearly positive Scott had spent time here on his way south. One of the phone calls had come from this city, and, after finding a stuffed animal in a corner of the kitchen, she was certain they’d spent at least one day in that home.

“Well, Agent Daniels, I suppose this means you’re headed south,” Police Chief Greg Harris spoke from the doorway of the office he’d loaned her for a few hours.

Regan sighed. “If they’re not in Daytona, I’m back to square one. But I’m almost positive that’s where I’ll find Thompson and Mrs. Littrell.”

Harris nodded. “Good luck, then. It was a pleasure helping you.”

“Thank you.” Regan stood and gathered her papers. “If I ever have a case in this city, I’ll be sure to enlist your help.”

“Any time,” he agreed and watched her leave.

Lyrics from “Forces of Nature” by Backstreet Boys

The beach house looked like every other house in the row of structures built facing the Atlantic Ocean, less than seventy-five yards from their back doors. Regan had pored over the blueprint of the home, making certain of the different escape routes that Scott may have. Now, as she stared at the home, she noted the beams it stood on as a precaution against the raging waters of the hurricane seasons in Florida. It had two floors, and there was a set of steps leading up to the front door.

Pushing open the door of her car, she stepped out and glanced over as an unmarked police car parked behind hers. Three officers got out, two male, one female. They hurried over to stand with her.

“Well, Agent Daniels, are we just going to knock on the door and see if he’s home?” one of the officers wondered.

Regan looked up at the house and shook her head. “We’re going to try that route first. Slap the warrant in his face. Hopefully, he’ll let us in without a fight. If not, we’ll have to break down the door.”

“Weapons drawn?”

Though she hated the idea of having to use her weapon, she knew it was safer to have it with her and ready. She’d never had to use it before and hoped today would not be the day she would break that record. But she nodded to the officer who’d inquired.

“Everyone. Any questions?” At the shake of heads, she pulled the warrant out of her pocket and started towards the house. “I want two of you covering the back entrance, and the other one with me. The only way out, besides the front door, is the back door. We’re going to trap him if he tries to run.”

“And if he’s armed and tries to take himself and the hostage out because he’s cornered?”

Regan turned to the officer who’d asked. She blinked once. “Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that.”

With that, she gestured two officers to the back of the house and was left with a cop, late thirties, she judged, but with a strong build and clear, focused eyes. “What’s your name?”

“Cross,” he answered. “Detective Cross.”

Regan nodded. “Okay, Detective Cross. I need to know that you’ll watch my back while I watch yours in this. If anything should go wrong, I’ll need you to make sure Mrs. Littrell is safe. Report back to her husband and my superiors ASAP.”

His gaze held hers. “We’ll be okay. Let’s just do this.”

Regan blew out a breath and acknowledged the adrenaline coursing through her. If Scott and Sienna weren’t here, she was out of ideas and places to look. This was it. She tried not to see Brian in her mind’s eye and focused on the picture of Sienna she’d stared at for countless hours in her files. She was going to get the woman home, come hell or high water.

“What’s your favorite movie?”

AJ’s voice popped up, unbidden in her mind. Where had that come from? She had a feeling about what was about to happen, and his question that she’d been unable to answer from several days before suddenly reappeared. What if she never had a chance to tell him the answer? It suddenly became imperative that he know, and Regan realized she was more nervous than she’d thought she’d be and starting to become hysterical. Swallowing anxiety, she reminded herself that she’d be back to see AJ soon. Just a little bit longer, and all this will be over, she told herself. She and Sienna would go back, and life would move on. She just had to get through the next few minutes.

Raising her hand, Regan knocked on the door. Within moments, it opened.

***

“What do you think is happening, right this moment?” Brian asked Nick. He couldn’t sit still and paced as he watched his daughters chase after the geese in the park.

Nick shrugged and shifted Luke so the baby’s attention was on the butterfly fluttering around him. “I don’t know, Brian. But, whatever happens, you know Regan’s going to bring Sienna home. She promised you that, and she doesn’t seem the type to break those promises.”

“I know, but I just can’t help but think of all the things that could go wrong.” He smiled sheepishly. “I guess I can’t help but play devil’s advocate in my own mind.”

“Try not to,” Nick advised him. “Just think: tonight, Sienna’s going to finally be home and out of danger. And Scott? Well, he’ll be”

“Dead,” Brian spoke in a cold voice. One Nick had only ever heard him use when he spoke of Lou Pearlman. “If he’s not dead, then I’ll make it my life’s mission to make him that way. I know,” he shook his head, knowing Nick’s reaction, “it’s wrong of me to think that, but he stole my family and caused all of them fear and pain. I can’t bring back the last month and a half with them—he stole that from me. So, whatever God has planned for him, I hope it doesn’t include living a long, happy life.”

Nick sighed. “Whatever happens, everything will turn out okay in the end.”

Brian watched as Serena held out a flower to a goose that waddled away from the toddler. “It better.”

***

Scott had dyed his hair from deep blond to a black, and his brown eyes showed confusion as his gaze darted from Regan to Cross.

“I’m sorry, I just don’t understand. What’s going on?” he asked Regan in innocent tones. She didn’t buy it. She’d heard the same from other cornered criminals.

She held up the warrant. “Mr. Thompson, we have been authorized by this county to search the premises of this property. Unless you’d like to bring Sienna Littrell out here, we will enter this house—forcibly.”

Regan could see the instant the innocent act was dropped. Scott straightened up, a malicious gleam in his eye.

“You’re not getting in. Sienna’s mine. Mine.” The door slammed in their faces.

Regan knocked on it again and, with no answer, she called out in a loud tone. “Scott Thompson, open this door or we will be forced to break it down. At the count of three, one…” There was no sound from the house. “Two…” Regan looked over at her partner, who drew his piece out its holster. “Three!”

Regan drew her weapon, and, pulling back, both she and Cross slammed their feet through the door. It came unhinged, and they went in together. Scanning the living room and dining room, she couldn’t hear a single sound and motioned for Cross to go upstairs while she searched the first floor. She went through the stylishly decorated living room to the comfortable-looking den. There was no one in sight and no sound could be heard. Then, she walked into the kitchen and stopped.

Scott stood, his own gun drawn and placed at Sienna’s temple. Regan ignored him for a moment while she took in the other woman’s physical appearance. Both eyes were blackened and swollen so the hazel was barely visible. A bruise bloomed black and purple along her jawbone, which matched the bruising that was visible on her forearms. Regan felt the fury pump through her veins at the helplessness Sienna exuded. She’d managed to save her children but at a painful cost to herself.

Reminding herself that she was here to save Sienna, Regan held her ground and met Scott’s eyes.

“Let her go, Scott,” she said calmly, though her heart was bounding in her throat.

Scott shook his head slowly. “You’re that FBI agent, aren’t you? The one who’s been living with Brian for the last month. And look,” his eyes appraised her, “she’s pretty, too. Bet your husband was real faithful with her around,” he taunted Sienna. Sienna didn’t even flinch, causing Regan to wonder exactly to what extent Scott had destroyed her spirit.

“There’s no point in drawing this out, Scott. You have to let her go. The house is surrounded, so you could get out of here and still have no place to go. Give it up,” Regan urged again, knowing it wouldn’t be that easy.

He jammed the gun against Sienna’s temple again. “If I can’t get out, then I won’t. I’ll die and take her with me. Where she belongs.”

Regan shook her head. “She doesn’t belong with you. She has her own life, one that stopped being connected with yours a long time ago. So put down the gun, and no one’ll get hurt.”

Detective Cross stepped into the kitchen behind Regan and, taking in the scene, moved to stand with Regan, his gun trained on Scott.

“Well, now,” Scott shook his head. “Seems to me, you don’t play fair, Agent Daniels. I have one gun, but you’ve got two. That’s not very nice, is it?”

Regan didn’t move her gaze from him but spoke to Cross. “Lower your weapon, Cross. Just do it.”

“Good.” Scott smiled. “Now, we’re even again. Though, I’m going to get bored with all this standing around shit. Let’s see some FBI tricks.”

“I don’t think so. Why don’t you tell me how you managed to get Sienna and her children away from their home?” she asked instead.

Scott shrugged. “It doesn’t matter if I tell you. You already know where I worked and how I had access to all the accounts. It was a piece of cake to change everything around. No big deal, and I had my woman back.”

Regan nodded. “Very clever of you.”

“Damn straight.” His teeth flashed in what barely passed as a triumphant smile in Regan’s book. More of a beastly snarl, she thought.

Knowing Scott would indeed get bored soon and do something drastic, she wracked her mind for ideas. Her gaze lowered to Sienna for a moment, and an idea formed.

Looking back up at Scott, she smiled. “So, your parents owned all this property, huh? Why didn’t you ever switch it under your name? Give yourself more money, more power. Your parents left you enough to keep you financially solvent for the rest of your life without you having to work. Instead, you worked a crap job at the military base and were fired. You didn’t have to go through all that, you know.”

“I know. But,” Scott began to run through all his reasons. Just as Regan had figured he would. He needed his ego stroked, and she’d done that in order to distract him.

She looked back at Sienna and caught her gaze. No, Regan realized, her spirit was not broken. She could see the determination in Sienna’s eyes and smiled slightly. Trying to communicate with the other woman, Regan hoped Scott wouldn’t notice that she was no longer paying any attention to him.

Sienna thought she knew what Regan was trying to tell her. Anything, Sienna thought. She would do anything if she could just be free from Scott’s clutches. That morning, she’d woken knowing that if she didn’t escape soon, she would end it all herself. As strong as she tried to be, the fight had gone out of her. Her body was a mess of bruises and pain, and Sienna had run out of reasons to live another day in the hell that Scott had created for her. Now, as she tried to read what was in the FBI agent’s eyes, she tried to muster the energy it would take to pull it off. If it didn’t work—no, Sienna stopped herself. She pictured Brian and their children, the love she felt for them, and how badly she needed to get back to them. If for no one else, she would do it for them. Her courage returning, she gritted her teeth.

When Sienna nodded slightly, Regan made sure Scott was still focusing on himself. The gun in his hand was no longer trained on his hostage. She nodded back to Sienna and waited for the plan to play itself out.

With no warning, Sienna pulled her leg up behind her and hit hard. Scott doubled over from shock and pain as Sienna yanked out of his hold and ran. Instead of being completely disabled, Scott held one hand to his groin and aimed the gun at Sienna.

Regan saw his finger on the trigger. “Drop the gun, Scott!”

His attention, and gun arm, shifted from Sienna to Regan, and the sound of gunshots exploded in the kitchen.

***

There was an itch between his shoulder blades, and it was bothering him. There was no reason to be worried, he repeated to himself. She would be fine, she would come back, and everything would be fine.

“Are you okay, Alex?”

AJ looked over at Jordan, who sat across the table from him. Watchful gray eyes studied him, and AJ forced himself to smile.

“Yeah,” he smiled, “everything’s fine. Here, try a cookie.” He lifted one off the tray that sat between them. “I think they’re cooled now.”

Jordan nodded and, taking the cookie from AJ, chewed and watched the older man solemnly. AJ wondered what an eight year old could possibly be thinking behind that look. He didn’t have to wait long to find out.

“Do you love my mom?”

AJ nearly choked on the cookie he’d swallowed. “What?”

“Do you love my mom?” Jordan repeated.

AJ tried to think of a safe way out but settled for the truth. “Yeah. Yeah, I love your mom,” he sighed.

Jordan nodded. “Are you going to marry her?”

The question froze AJ. Had he ever thought of marriage? He loved her, yeah, but had he ever thought as far down the line as marriage? They’d only known each other a month, but sometimes that’s all it took, he reminded himself. He tried to think of his life ten years down the line, and there they were. Regan and Jordan were in his mental picture. Where they belonged, AJ realized.

He smiled at Jordan. “I’m going to try to convince her to marry me. Think I have a chance?”

“She likes you. A lot,” Jordan told him. “Will you send me away when you marry her?”

AJ frowned. “What? Why would I do that? You’re half the reason why I want to marry her. You and your mom are a package deal, Jordan. I won’t take one without the other, I promise.”

Jordan smiled now, and it made AJ’s heart want to sing. “That’s good. If you marry my mom, will that make you my dad?”

AJ couldn’t breathe. “If you want me to be, then I’d like it if I could be your dad.”

Jordan mulled this over for a few moments and nodded. “Can I call you Dad if Mom says okay to marrying you?”

His heart swelling, AJ could hardly believe the gift that had dropped into his arms. Unable to speak, he nodded.

“Good,” Jordan said, taking another bite of his cookie. “When will Mom be back?”

AJ sighed. He’d never get used to the child’s lightning topic switches. Especially when it changed to something difficult. “I don’t know.” He glanced up at the clock. “Soon.”

“She’s going to be okay, right?”

AJ looked into the deep gray that seemed to beg him for comfort. It felt good to be needed, he thought. His hand covered the small one. “I hope so, pal. I hope so.”

***

Blood bloomed, a dark red flower design around the point of entry. Regan watched, strangely curious, as the red spread across the shirt. Then, she looked up into the eyes of death itself for the first time in her life. Death glossed the eyes over, she realized. Already, brown was turning to a glassy hue. Skin began to turn gray, pasty. She’d done that, she realized. For the first time in her career, she’d discharged her weapon and caused death. Unable to handle it, she turned away from Scott, who collapsed onto the floor after blood gurgled in his throat and spilled from his open lips. His face was frozen in a permanently surprised, yet annoyed look. Regan felt a small stirring of pity then turned away.

“Make sure he’s dead,” she told Cross. “I have to go see to Mrs. Littrell.” The detective nodded and walked over to the body.

Regan forced herself not to look back and walked into the den. Sienna was crouched in the corner on the floor. She hugged her knees to her chest and was rocking herself back and forth. Regan knelt in front of her.

“Mrs. Littrell. Sienna,” she said more forcefully, causing Sienna to look up at her through wide eyes.

She was shocked, Regan realized. Laying a hand gently on Sienna’s arm, she spoke softly.

“Sienna, it’s over. He’s dead. You’re safe, now. You’re going home now,” she reiterated.

It was a dream, Sienna thought. One of those dreams where you got what you most wanted, and then it was snatched out of your hands. She was afraid to hope, to believe. But Regan Daniels was telling her he was dead. Could she believe it?

“I want to go home,” she whispered.

Regan nodded. “We’re going to take you home.” When Sienna began to shake and her teeth chattered, Regan slipped off her coat and placed it around the other woman’s shoulders. “Here, this’ll keep you warm, for now.”

Sienna gave her a grateful look, then gasped. “Your arm,” she managed to say.

Regan glanced down at where Sienna’s gaze was focused. Her sleeve was a deep, dark red. Before she could react, Sienna had reached out and torn the sleeve off to fully expose the wound. There, on her upper arm, was a neat hole that oozed blood sluggishly. Regan began to feel the pain that radiated through her arm as she stared at it, not comprehending that she’d actually been shot.

“Does it hurt?”

Regan snapped to at Sienna’s question. “What? Oh, now it does. I don’t…I don’t know what to do. I’ve never had to worry about something like this,” she admitted.

The two police officers she’d sent around to the back of the house stepped into the room. “Agent Daniels, everything’s secure, and Thompson’s dead.”

Regan nodded and prayed that her vision would stay steady instead of filling with gray as it was at the edges. She would not faint, she kept telling herself.

“She’s been hit!” one of the officers exclaimed.

As Regan tried to change their attention from herself to Sienna, the real victim, the other officer knelt at her side.

“We can get this out,” he murmured. “I can see the bullet. We can bandage it up, but you’re going to want to see if it needs stitches when you get Mrs. Littrell back to Lexington.”

Regan nodded. “Get it out then.”

The officer left to retrieve a first aid kit, and Regan turned back to Sienna. “Thanks,” she murmured.

Sienna shook her head. “Thank you,” she whispered. “If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t be going home, now. Oh, god. I miss my family,” she choked back a sob. “I need my family.”

As Sienna finally broke down, Regan moved forward and let her collapse in her arms.

***

The plane jolted, and Sienna sat up.

Regan leaned over. “Are you okay?”

Sienna took a shaky breath. Then another. “I can’t believe I’m going home,” she murmured. “I dreamt about it for the past weeks, but it’s really happening.” She tentatively took hold of the hand Regan held out. “Will you—will you tell me how Brian’s been?”

Regan nodded. “He’s been a mess not knowing where you were or how to find you. AJ, Nick, and Kelly Monaco settled into the house, but there were times we all thought he would lose it. He loves you.”

Sienna sighed. “I know. I love him, too. All I’ve wanted is to wake up in his arms and know that none of this happened. I can’t wait to feel safe with him again,” she whispered.

Regan tried not to think that that may not happen. Sienna hadn’t admitted yet to being sexually abused, but Regan had seen it enough times to know what had happened. Sienna was going home, but it would be difficult for her to leap back into Brian’s arms.

“You’re safe, now,” Regan reassured her. “There’s nothing to be afraid of anymore.”

Sienna shook her head and looked out at the clouds. “Nothing,” she whispered to herself.

***

Silence settled over the airstrip as the small airplane touched down and taxied to a stop. As the stairs lowered, Brian stepped forward. He still couldn’t believe that his wife was coming home. That the nightmare they’d been living in for the past six weeks was finally over.

Regan stepped out first. Her bandaged arm was covered by a windbreaker, and she took note of the gathering of people that stood waiting at the bottom of the stairs. She made it to the bottom where Brian caught her arm.

“Thank you,” he managed to say before his gaze turned back to the woman slowly ascending the stairs.

Regan moved through the group, towards the back. Away from the eager family members waiting for Sienna. As her arm ached, she watched as Sienna stepped off the staircase and was caught up in Brian’s embrace.

Brian was ecstatic at being able to hold her in his arms again. He’d dreamt of it, and now it was happening. He couldn’t help but notice that she felt like skin and bones in his arms. Leaning back, he cupped Sienna’s face and noticed the bruises that ranged across it. Her gorgeous eyes were bruised and blackened. Tilting her chin, he saw the angry bruises on her jaw and temple. Fury flooded him, but his hold on her was gentle. Scott should be so lucky that he was dead, he thought. Suppressing the urge to break something or burst into tears, he pulled her close again, not noticing the stiffness in her body or the slight trembling.

“Sienna,” he whispered into her hair repeatedly. “You’re home. Thank God, you’re home.”

Knowing she’d have to break the news of the extent of the abuse to Brian, Regan turned away and noticed Emma Clark walking towards her.

“Hey,” she had to smile, relieved. “What are you doing back here?”

Clark returned the smile. “The governor’s nephew wasn’t kidnapped. He got drunk and passed out on a spur-of-the-moment camping trip. Nice job, Regan,” she added, gesturing towards the Littrells and their friends.

Regan sighed. “I’m glad you’re here. Mrs. Littrell was raped, and she’s going to need a woman with her. I’m going to have to break it to Brian that he’s scaring the shit out of her by holding her like that.”

“She admitted it to you?”

Regan shook her head. “No, but I could tell from the bruises and the look in her eyes.”

Clark blew out a breath. “It’s going to be hard to come back from this.”

“Yeah, but they’ll be able to,” Regan mused. “They’re strong enough.”

“What about Thompson?” Clark asked.

Regan looked back at her. “Dead.”

“You?”

Regan nodded. “Yeah, me. It was either him or me. I chose him.”

Clark gave her a sympathetic look. “It was your first one.” It wasn’t a question, merely a statement.

Regan tried not to think about it. “Yeah, my first.” Push it out of her mind.

“Regan!” She turned to see AJ walking towards her.

Clark smiled a little. “Well, I guess I’ll go let the superiors know I’m here with you.”

“Yeah,” she nodded, her eyes on AJ. “Could you call the hospital and tell them we’re bringing Sienna in? She’s going to need a full check done, by a female physician. Stress that.”

“I will,” Clark promised and turned to head back towards a dark sedan.

Regan turned back as AJ reached her. He grinned down at her before scooping her into his arms. “You did good, Agent Daniels,” he murmured as he leaned down to kiss her.

Regan pressed her fingers to his lips. “I’m still on duty. No kissing,” she reminded him.

Surprised, he nodded. “Okay, but still. You brought Sienna and yourself home. Safe. Thank you.”

Nodding, she watched as Sienna’s arms went around her aunt. “I promised Brian I’d bring her back, and I did.”

“Scott’s dead. The bastard.”

“Yeah,” Regan blew out a breath. “Yeah, he’s dead.”

AJ looked over at her pale face. “You okay, baby? You look shocky.”

She shook her head. “I’ll be fine. It’s just,” she paused. “I killed Scott. I used my gun for the first time since it was issued to me, and I ended another person’s life. Oh, God,” she whispered, feeling faint.

Quickly, AJ caught her before her eyes rolled back into her head and lowered her head between her knees. “It’s okay, baby. Keep your head between your knees and breathe. Just keep breathing.” He rubbed circles on her back until she lifted her head, and he could see that she would be okay.

“They always prepare you for something like this,” she murmured. “But it still comes as a shock when you actually end a human life. I know I saved someone, but it still makes me feel guilty.”

AJ pressed a kiss to her forehead. “I’d worry if you didn’t feel guilty ending a life. I’m proud of what you do, though. Saving people,” he reminded her.

“Yeah.” She stood and looked over at Brian and Sienna. “Yeah, I save people from the initial danger, but what comes after that? They’re totally on their own in that.”

AJ frowned, not following her line of thought. “What do you mean?”

She gestured towards Brian and Sienna. “Scott hurt Sienna in more ways than one. Yeah, he shredded her spirit, but, AJ,” she took a deep breath and turned to him, “I’m ninety-nine percent positive he raped her. I don’t know how many times, but he did. It would’ve been a power trip for him. ‘See, you’re mine. Your husband won’t want you now that I’ve had you.’ He destroyed her so badly,” she whispered, trying not to remember her own past.

AJ had paled and his hand clutched at hers. “How? How do you know that? Did she tell you he did that to her?”

Regan shook her head. “No, but I know the look that was on her face, in her eyes.”

“How?”

She took a deep breath. “Because I saw it on my face for a long time,” she told him.

Now he turned to her. “What?”

Unable to stand in place, she pulled her hands from his and walked away. Then turned back.

“You wanted to know about Jordan’s father, so I’ll tell you. I met him my freshman year at GWU. I was a fresh-faced, naïve eighteen year old, so sure that I knew what I was doing. He was a sophomore and ran track. The attention from him dazzled me because I’d never had a boyfriend before, and we began dating. He was everything I thought I could want. Sweet, attentive, charming, funny. Handsome.” She remembered that the face had hid a beast. “I loved him and he told me he loved me. The summer after my freshman year, I went to visit him. We’d never discussed sex, but, before I knew it, I was under him. I didn’t want to be,” she whispered before her voice strengthened again. “I wasn’t ready, but he wouldn’t hear it. He told me I wanted it, had been begging for it, and, before I could stop him, it was done. I went home and pretended like it never happened. But it did, and it happened again and again during the first semester of my sophomore year. Until he was killed in a car accident. Everyone expected me to weep, be sad, but I wasn’t. I praised God for getting rid of him.” She couldn’t look at AJ. Was afraid that she’d see the revulsion in his eyes. So she stared hard at a spot far away. “I found out I was pregnant with Jordan during winter break. I didn’t want him.”

“Why would you?” AJ murmured, desperately needing to hold her.

“Right. Why would I want the child of a man who obviously hadn’t loved me? Who’d kept me so scared of him that I could no longer be near any of my male friends because the mere thought of a man scared the living daylights out of me. I couldn’t date anyone, sleep with anyone after him because those same fears would keep resurfacing. But I did keep Jordan, and I’ve never been more happy with any other decision.” She looked up at him now. “That’s how I know that Sienna was raped. Because I could see that same fear in her eyes that I saw in mine.”

Reeling from the barrage of information, he tried to focus. “So, now what?”

“Now?” Regan looked back at Sienna, who was clearly trying to hold it together. “Now, I take her to the hospital and have her tell me what happened. Beginning to end, so she can look at it, too. Then, she’ll try to get back to her life.”

Before she could leave, he placed a hand on her arm lightly. “Regan, you think I’m going to turn away because what happened to you disgusts me. That it makes you less desirable in some way. But it doesn’t.” AJ lifted her hand to his lips. “You know what it makes me think?”

Unsure, Regan shrugged. “No, what do you think?”

He cupped her face in his hands. “It makes me love you more. Don’t pull away,” he murmured when a panicked look entered her eyes. “I’ve kept it inside me for a while. I am in love with you, and, knowing that someone hurt you and Sienna so horribly, makes me want to destroy them. But I can’t because they’re both dead.” He shook his head. “I don’t need you to give the words back to me, but I just need you to know how I feel. Remember them. Please.”

“I don’t know if I can give you what you want, but I can thank you.” She smiled now. “I’ve never had someone in love with me before. I can’t think about my own feelings right now, but I can appreciate yours.”

“I don’t want you to be grateful,” he told her.

“I can’t think of what else to be,” she whispered. She tore her eyes from his and looked back over at Sienna, who was being held by Liv. “I need to go, AJ. I have to take care of things.”

Knowing that they weren’t done, not by a long shot, if he could help it, AJ let her go. “We’re going to talk. Not now,” he agreed. “But soon.”

“Okay.”

She left him then and went through the crowd surrounding Sienna. He watched as she spoke quietly to Sienna and Brian, then led Sienna out of the midst of everyone and towards a car where another agent stood.

The anger in him was not for Scott, AJ realized, but for the nameless, faceless bastard who’d hurt Regan. So what that he’d fathered a delightful child? He’d still destroyed the woman AJ loved. He didn’t know what to think or how to comfort her. She’d obviously gotten over it. Or mostly.

When the realization hit him that he was the first man she’d ever truly made love with, he felt torn between feeling honored and being terrified. Before he could choose either one of those reactions, his cell phone rang.

Whipping it out, he nearly ignored it, until he realized it was Johnny Wright. Johnny had agreed to manage AJ’s solo endeavor along with Brian’s and the Boys, but AJ wondered why he was calling now. Maybe to find out about Sienna, he thought. Or, maybe there was something wrong with his album or the Boys’ tour. Because thinking about work for a moment would get his mind off of worrying about Sienna and Regan, AJ answered.

“Hello?”

“AJ? Hi! Listen, something important has come up concerning your album. We need you to come up to New York for a meeting to iron out the problem,” Johnny explained.

“Listen,” AJ began. “You know we’ve got Brian’s family stuff to deal with right now, don’t you?”

“AJ, it’s all over the news. Brian’s wife is home, and I couldn’t be happier about that. Let Brian and Sienna know I said congratulations. However, you can and have to deal with your professional obligations, now. If you don’t, well, I hope I don’t have to explain it to you.”

Johnny was right. He couldn’t put off his own work too long in the fast-paced world of entertainment. AJ wished he weren’t, but he knew the other man was right. “Okay, I’ll do it. When do you need me?”

“Yesterday. But, there’s a seat on board an airplane leaving Lexington’s airport in three hours. Be on it.”

AJ watched as Regan helped Sienna into the car and, shutting her own door, drove out. “I’ll see you tonight.”

I’m not going to cry, I’m not going to cry. For God’s sake, Sienna, do a better job of holding it together, Sienna scolded herself. She sat on a hospital bed wearing a thin, papery gown that made her feel more naked than she’d ever felt in her life. Including the last month and a half, her mind whispered. Sienna squeezed her eyes shut, desperate to silence that voice that kept reminding her of the horrors she’d survived.

Survived, she reminded herself. She’d survived whatever Scott had thrown at her and was still alive. She couldn’t let him destroy her life, but she was terrified that he already had. Why else had she felt the need to scream and tear herself out of her husband’s hold? She’d felt trapped but not by the love she’d expected to feel comforted by. Instead of seeing safety when she’d seen Brian, she’d seen a man. Another man who could hurt her just as Scott had. Though she told herself she was being hysterical, she wasn’t sure that she could be near a male at the moment.

When the knock came, Sienna looked up, relieved that someone was coming to prevent her from driving herself crazy in her own mind.

“Hi,” Regan greeted her gently as she entered the room.

Sienna sighed. Agent Daniels had saved her, had gotten hurt doing so, and Sienna couldn’t be more thankful for it. She tried to smile but was afraid it had come off looking more like a grimace.

“I have to thank you again,” she whispered. Her throat felt raw and bruised as the rest of her body did. Trying to ignore the constant ache that had taken up residence between her legs, she focused on Regan’s face and voice.

“Sienna, you don’t have to thank me,” Regan reminded her as she pulled a chair closer to the bed. “I was doing my duty, and I helped out a friend, bringing his family home.” She took in Sienna’s tangled hair, the bruises, and the petrified look in her eyes. She looked haunted and ready to give up, Regan thought. Sympathy stirred, and she placed a gentle hand on Sienna’s. “I’m going to have to keep doing my duty, though. I have to ask you to recount everything that happened when you were with Scott. Everything from the moment the glass was broken in your home to the moment I walked into the kitchen.”

“Everything?” As horrifying as it had been to live through the last weeks, Sienna didn’t think she would live through a retelling of them. She shook her head. “Please, I can’t do it. I’m sorry, but I can’t.”

Regan squeezed her hand lightly. “Sienna, I know it’s going to hurt. And I know you’re terrified, but you have to try. It’s the only way you can start to get over it. If you can look back at the past and not let it haunt you.” When Sienna continued to shake her head, Regan hated herself for pressing her on. “I know you want to return to the way things were with your kids, with Brian, and the only way you’ll get over your fear is to say it out loud. To face it head on. Come on,” she coaxed her. “The woman I’ve heard so much about was never described as being fearful. I know you can do this.”

Face the fear head-on? She had to recount every time Scott had…Sienna squeezed her eyes shut. How could she say those things out loud? It shamed her, though she knew the blame was on Scott’s head, but it still shamed her to know she hadn’t fought hard enough to prevent it from happening. Maybe, maybe Regan was right, the little voice in her head spoke up. Maybe she had to repeat it out loud. To relive it out loud in order to make things right. In order to be able to see Brian as the man she loved, not one she was afraid of for simply being a man.

She opened her eyes and grasped Regan’s hand firmly. “I’m going to try, but I can’t promise you that I won’t fall apart in the middle.”

“It’s okay,” Regan reassured her. “Did you want anyone else hear to help you, to be there? Brian?” she asked gently, wanting to see the extent of the damage Scott had inflicted.

The terror in Sienna’s eyes answered her question. “No, please. If Livvy’s out there, could you ask her to be here? And my aunt, Lucy. Please.”

“I’ll be right back,” Regan murmured.

When the other women had assembled in the room, with Liv sitting at the foot of the bed and Lucy Roberts settled at Sienna’s side with a hand on her niece’s shoulder, Regan turned to Sienna.

“Okay. I’m going to ask you to start from the very beginning, whether you saw Scott first or you heard the breaking of the glass. Either way, I need you start with what happened on February 20, 2007 and end with today. You can do it, Sienna,” Regan added.

Sienna took a shaky breath, then another. “AJ was over that day,” she began. “We were sitting in the sunroom and watching the babies as they started to fall asleep. I had taken the day off for Brian’s birthday, my own personal celebration,” she remembered. “I decided to take a nap, and the next thing I knew, I heard glass shattering…”

Half an hour later, Regan sat back, shaken. Never in her life had she ever thought that she would be able to justify taking another’s life, but she was viciously pleased that she’d killed Scott. He’d done more damage to Sienna than Regan could have imagined when she’d first looked into the other woman’s eyes and seen the fear, the damaged look that accompanied abuse. Halfway through the retelling, Sienna’s face had been covered by tears while her aunt and best friend had been unable to prevent themselves from weeping. Though she’d thought her own heart hardened, Regan had fought to remain objective. Now that Sienna had recounted everything, Regan knew the hard part would begin.

She stood, turning off the recorder she had used. “I’m sorry all this happened, Sienna. I can assure you that the recovery process is not as bad as the past, but, if you ever need anything, you can always call me.”

Sienna nodded, brushing tears away from bruised eyes. “Thank you for everything you’ve done to help my children and me.” She paused. “Before you go, could I—could I talk to you. Alone,” she added with an apologetic look at the two women who sat on the bed with her.

Liv stood and hugged Sienna. “If I could go back five years ago, I would kill him before he even left the restaurant that night,” she whispered fiercely.

Sienna couldn’t help but smile. “I love you, Livvy. Thanks for always being here,” she added, holding onto the hug a bit longer.

When she let go, Sienna turned to her aunt. “I’m sorry you had to sit through and listen to it all, but thank you for loving me enough to do this.”

Lucy shook her head. “Honey, I’ve loved you since you were born. You’re like my own child, so, of course, I’d be here when you need me.” She pressed a kiss to her niece’s forehead. “I’m going to go see how everyone out there is holding up,” she told Sienna.

“Tell them I love them,” Sienna replied. Her aunt nodded and left, and Sienna turned back to Regan. “You know what happened. All of it. So I’m supposed to be able to start recovering now?”

Regan sat again. “It’s not going to be as easy as it is said. You’re going to have nightmares, and you’ll wish you had just died so you wouldn’t have to live through it in your head over and over again. And it’s going to kill Brian to stand by and not kill your demons for you,” she finished, trying not to remember her own nightmares and demons.

Sienna’s hands trembled as she pressed one to her swollen jaw. “How do you know that?”

Regan held Sienna’s gaze. “Because it happened to me. Nine years ago for a period of six months,” she whispered. Then, her voice strengthening, she added, “But I got through it and managed to move on. You will get through this, Sienna. It might not seem that way, now. But the nightmares will disappear, and, while you won’t forget it, you’ll be able to breathe again.”

Sienna nodded. “Okay. I—I’m sorry that you went through that, too. But, I—all I’ve wanted for the last six weeks is to be home and safe. I’m going to go home, soon, I know,” she spoke quickly now. “But it’s not going to be the way it was before. When Brian held me earlier, I was terrified. How can I be that terrified of my husband?” she wondered guiltily.

Regan reached out and squeezed her hand. “I couldn’t date anyone or even sit near a man in classes at college for a long time after it happened. It’s understandable that you’re afraid of another man right now. After all, it was a man that hurt you.”

“But he’s Brian, he’s my husband. I love him, but it terrifies me to think about being held by him or, God, making love with him again,” Sienna tried to explain the fear plaguing her.

“Don’t think about it, then. Give yourself time. He doesn’t know the full extent of what happened, and he’s going to need to know. Once he does, it’ll hurt him, too, but he’ll be able to be better equipped to take care of you. Even if that means keeping his distance from you.”

How could she tell Brian? Sienna wondered. Regan was right, it would kill him. But, selfish though it may be, she needed him to not touch her because it scared the hell out of her.

“I know this is going to sound like the coward’s way out, but can you tell him what happened?” Sienna asked. “Can you tell him that I need space? That I don’t want to hurt him because I love him so much, but I need time to rebuild myself. Can you tell him that?”

Knowing it would be difficult to do, Regan nodded. “I can. But, I have to tell you, you’re going to have to talk to him eventually. Tell him how you feel, too. He loves you, and he’s going to be able to help you through this. If you don’t tell him, you’re going to drift apart. I’ve seen it happen, Sienna, which is why I’m telling you that, no matter how hard things may get, you need to keep talking to him.”

Sienna nodded. “Okay. I will. Thank you, Regan.” She frowned when she noted the way Regan kept unconsciously pressing her hand to her upper left arm. “Did you get your injury checked out and stitched up?”

Regan dropped her hand. “Uh, I—no,” she admitted. “I wanted to get things taken care of, first. I’ll go get it checked now. I’ll come back to see how you are soon.” She started for the door then turned back when Sienna called her.

“Can you tell me when you got over it? When you got over what happened to you?”

Regan nodded, realizing she had to admit it to herself, too. “When I met AJ. Without knowing it, I was able to be comfortable around him, and being with him finally helped me get past it. It doesn’t always take as long as it took me,” she told Sienna. “But it won’t happen overnight, either.”

“Thanks. And, Regan, I’m happy for you and AJ. I always wondered who he’d end up with, and I’m glad it’s someone I can trust and like.”

Tell her you’re leaving when this is done! Regan’s mind screamed. Tell her you’re a coward and can’t stay. Can’t face up to what you can have! But she couldn’t, so she simply smiled and, promising to return later, she stepped into the hallway, looking around for someone who might be able to stitch her up.

She read through the report again, and finally satisfied with the way it way, Regan hit SEND. She was officially done with the investigation, and she had to admit that she was proud of herself. She’d brought a family back together, and, though Sienna and Brian had a long road ahead of them, she was happy to see everyone’s relief and joy.

As for herself, she planned on returning home the following day—without AJ. Which was actually going to be easy to do because AJ had disappeared after Sienna’s return home. She’d found out that he was in New York for business, and Denise, who had been the source of the information, was unsure when he would return. No matter, Regan decided, it was just as well because she would leave more easily if he would not be there to stop her. Besides, it would be hard enough to convince Jordan it was time to go because he was literally addicted to the people he’d met. Even as she finished her report, he was off spending the night with Kevin’s family, and Denise had promised to bring him back in the morning.

Shutting down the laptop, Regan began to clear up papers, maps, and folders. Earlier that day, Brian had brought Sienna home, and, because she’d asked Liv to explain what had happened, everyone else had left Sienna alone, out of respect. The only one still out of the loop was Brian, and Regan intended to tell him what happened as soon as he left his wife’s side.

The first thing Sienna had done on stepping into the house was to scoop her children close to her. Luke had gurgled happily while the twins hadn’t let go of their mother as she had proceeded to walk around the house, taking in everything and letting the tears flow freely down her cheeks. Brian had followed, helpless to stop her crying and unknowingly a part of her grief. Before she’d given them their privacy, Regan had pulled Brian aside and asked to speak to him as soon as possible. He’d nodded, not taking his eyes off Sienna for an instant.

When Brian stepped into the study, he noted that the floor and chairs were free of papers and equipment. The desk was nearly clean and all that sat atop it was the bundled up equipment. Regan was tying up a garbage bag and turned when he came in.

Not saying anything, he crossed the room and hugged her. “Thank you,” he murmured. “Thank you for bringing my family back. You have no idea how grateful I am at this moment for all that you’ve done. You were hurt,” he stepped back. “If there’s any way I can repay you…”

Regan shook her head. “No. I don’t do the whole repayment route. Seeing your family together again is repayment enough, and I wasn’t hurt so badly. It’s healing well.” She paused, knowing there was no way to gently break the news. “However, there is something I’d like to talk to you about.”

Brian nodded. “Go for it.”

Regan drew a deep breath, knowing what she was about to say would shatter Brian’s heart.

“There’s something you need to know about what happened to Sienna. Yeah, Scott hurt her, but, Brian, that’s not all he did,” she began to explain.

Brian frowned. “There’s more? Dear God, how much more could there possibly be?”

“He raped Sienna,” Regan said quietly and watched as Brian began to shake his head.

“No. No. No! He didn’t, he couldn’t, no, no,” Brian moaned, dropping into a chair. What had he ever done for Sienna to deserve this? Brian wondered. Why had God so completely forsaken them?

Regan knelt next to him. “Brian, she needs you to be strong for her, now. It might take her months to years to recover from this, but she’s going to need you to be strong and understanding. The two of you will have to work together to make it through this. You can do it, Brian,” she assured him.

He lifted his face from his hands and looked at her, his broken heart swimming in his eyes. “How?” he whispered. “How do I help her?”

The hard part, Regan thought. “Sienna’s going to be really shaky around men for the next while because she was hurt by one. That includes you, Brian,” she clarified.

“Me? But, I love her! How could she be afraid of me?”

Regan shook her head. “She’s been through an extremely traumatic experience, Brian. I think it would be best for her if you gave her space. Just let her know you still love her, but you have to give her space. I don’t know what her reaction to trauma and shock will be, but she’s going to be leery around any men she’ll come in contact with. Try to understand where she’s coming from, and just give her space.”

“How long?” He had to know that much. How long before he could hold her again and convince himself that they’d moved past the mess Scott had made their lives.

“I don’t know. It’s different for different people, but, no matter what, don’t abandon her.”

Brian shook his head. “No, of course I won’t let her go. She’s my life, and I would never leave her. But, if she needs it, if it’ll help her recovery, then I’ll give her space. Whatever it takes.”

Regan stood and hugged him. “You can do this, Brian. It’s going to be hard, but”

“But life’s messy, and we have to make the best of it. Yeah,” Brian sighed, “I’m going to be there every step of the way. Even if it takes her years to recover, I’m going to be there, as close as she’ll let me be.”

Later, as she hung up with her superiors, Regan hoped that they’d be able to make it through the recovery process. Together.

***

Denise watched as Regan loaded her car with the equipment she’d used in her investigation. Regan and Jordan were leaving Lexington, but Denise knew that they were embedded in the hearts of those they would leave behind. Including her own.

She glanced back at her own car where Jordan was grabbing his things and getting out. She would miss him, his enthusiasm, and the way he’d seen into situations that no eight year old would normally understand. He knew there was something between Regan and AJ but was waiting patiently to see the outcome. As she was, Denise realized. She needed to see what would happen between the young woman and her son because she wanted to see AJ happy. However, watching as Regan turned and spotted them, Denise knew it might not happen. They were leaving, and her son was nowhere in sight.

“Jordan!” Regan waved her son over and watched cautiously as Denise approached them.

In one breath, Jordan tried to rattle off everything that had happened in the past day at the Richardsons’, and Regan was loving the way her quiet child had broken his shell.

“Hey, okay! I get it, you loved Kevin’s house,” Regan chuckled at his excitement. “But, honey, you know we have to leave today, so why don’t you get those things into the car?” At his pout, she shook her head. “Baby, you know we have to go, so please don’t argue right now. Okay?”

Sighing dramatically, Jordan began placing his things into the backseat of the car, leaving Regan to face Denise.

“Thank you for bringing him back. I didn’t mean to put you out,” she began, but Denise shook her head.

“No, dear, the pleasure was mine. You’ve raised a marvelous child, and I’m pretty sure all of us enjoyed spending the last couple days with him,” Denise assured her. “I just wish you wouldn’t leave so soon.”

Regan sighed. “I need to get back and report in to headquarters. Present my case,” she explained. “If there were any way I could stay, I would because Jordan doesn’t want to leave the people he’s met here. He’s come to love them all so quickly.” She looked over as he rummaged through his bag. “The truth is, he was always in a shell, really reserved, and I worried about it all the time. Coming here has really changed him because, all of a sudden, he’s ready to talk, talk, talk. So I guess I should thank everyone here for that,” Regan added.

“What about you? Are you ready to go home?”

She knew what the older woman was asking—AJ. Was she really ready to leave what she’d unknowingly searched for years for and found in a month? Regan didn’t want to answer it to herself but knew Denise wouldn’t accept silence.

“I’ve been here over a month, and I’m exhausted. So, yes,” she replied. “Yes, I’m ready to go home.”

“I was wrong, you know,” Denise told her. “About you and Alex. You make him happy, and that’s really all I’ve ever wanted for my son. I think he wants more than just a casual relationship with you, and I wish you’d stay until the two of you can figure it out. And, if it doesn’t sound too forward, could I ask what your feelings are for Alex?”

The moment of truth, Regan thought. Oh, what could it hurt? I’m leaving, and I may as well admit it to someone. Even if that someone was AJ’s mother.

“I love him, I really do,” she began. “I never thought I could ever feel that way about anyone, but knowing AJ’s changed that for me. And, while I’ve thought about what kind of a future we could have together, I’ve realized that it would be one in which neither of us would see the other too much. It wouldn’t be fair to either one of us because I’d be off working and he would be touring. Where would that leave our relationship? What would that do to Jordan?” she wondered. She shook her head. “So, no, I can’t stay with him. It’s been a dream come true, but dreams don’t always last,” she added.

Denise hugged her lightly. “I think sometimes they can work, but if you think this is what’s best for you and Jordan, then I’ll help my son pick up the pieces when you go.”

Regan stepped back and ignored the tears that clung to her lashes. “I promised you I wouldn’t hurt him too much, and, with his absence, I think that’ll be a lot easier to do.” She managed a smile then turned when Jordan hurried over to her.

“I have to say bye to Brian! Can I go in and say bye to him and the babies?” Jordan asked.

Regan nodded. “Yeah, we’ll both go in and do that.” She looked over at Denise again. “Thank you for understanding. And, I was hoping you could give this to him when he gets back. It’ll make things easier for him,” she added, handing her an envelope.

Denise nodded and watched Regan disappear back into Brian’s home with her son. She’d be there to console her son, but she wondered who Regan would turn to. Knowing the matter was out of her hands, she tucked the envelope into her purse, and, climbing back into her car, drove out.

***

Brian grinned as Jordan made Serena giggle by tickling her feet, while her sister tried to get in on the action. Kara could get supremely jealous of her twin, Brian knew but was amused as Jordan spread the attention. The kid would make a great older brother, he thought, if only AJ and Regan could get their act together.

He looked up as Regan came into the nursery. “Hey, I hear you’re leaving us.”

She knelt next to him and watched their children. “Yeah, I am. Thanks for letting me stay here, by the way. It made things easier to do. Plus, Jordan loved every minute of the last couple days with everyone.”

“Well, I enjoyed having him here and, because of everything you’ve done for me, you know you’ll always be welcome in this home. You’re like family now,” he added, wrapping an arm around her shoulder.

Regan grinned and patted his cheek. “No problem, and, you know if you ever need anything, you can always call. Seriously,” she told him and watched the smile disappear. “It’s not going to be easy for the next while, and I’m always there to help out.”

“I know,” Brian nodded. “I’ll call, don’t worry. I don’t know if I’m going to be able to give her the right amount of space, but I’ll call you if or when things get crazy. And, speaking of crazy,” he turned solemn eyes to her, “why are you leaving before AJ gets back? Are you just going to leave him hanging?”

She rested her head on his shoulder. “Brian, I know you want everything to work out and be all rainbows and butterflies, but I can’t. It’s not because I don’t love AJ,” she added quickly before he could protest, “it’s just that I can’t make such a huge decision about allowing someone to stay in my life after only a month of being with him. Our relationship was built on stressful grounds, and I’m afraid it’ll fall apart when we’re normal.”

“So, you’re pulling away before you can run into problems? Coward,” he tapped her nose.

She nodded. “Yeah, that may be, but it’s my life, too. Speaking of which” she glanced at her watch “I need to get on the road.” She stood. “Jordan, kiddo! We have to get going.”

Jordan nodded and kissing the twins’ cheeks, he ran a finger down Luke’s soft cheek and stood. “I’ll miss them,” he told Brian.

“Come back anytime and visit them,” Brian told him. “You could be their honorary older brother. They don’t have one of those, you know.”

Jordan grinned. “Cool! Can we come back soon, Mom?”

“We’ll see,” she replied. “Why don’t you run on down to the car and get settled in? I’ll be down in five minutes.”

“Okay.” Jordan hugged Brian and darted out of the room.

“You’ve got a great kid, and I think AJ’s really gotten attached to him,” Brian told her.

Regan shook her head. “It’s done,” she murmured. When she looked over at the doorway, she noticed Sienna, her face mottled with slowly fading bruises. “Hey, how are you feeling today?”

Sienna had to take a deep breath, find her courage. Brian stood next to Regan, watching her with those impossibly blue eyes of his. Since the day before, he’d disappeared in the house. She’d spent the night in their room, but he’d stayed out of it. She hadn’t seen him all day and worried that he’d found out what had happened and was going to abandon her. Now, seeing him with their children, his face full of loving concern, she felt like weeping. She couldn’t be with him, couldn’t hold onto him to assure both of them that the terrible ordeal was over. She could only stand, yards apart, and stare at him.

Snapping to, she remembered Regan’s question. She managed a half-smile. “Better than yesterday,” she answered. “But I think it’s going to be a while until I’m back to perfect. However, I think being in the greenhouse and my shop might help me find my way back to normal faster. I’m thinking of starting work at the beginning of next week.”

Before Brian could protest, Regan nodded. “I think whatever will make you feel better is probably the best thing to do. Working again will definitely help you get back to normal, but I don’t think you should overdo it. Baby steps,” she added and earned a smile from Sienna along with a quiet, defeated sigh from Brian. She turned to him. “Well, partner, I guess this is goodbye for now.”

He nodded and pulled her into a hug. “Thanks and take care getting home,” he murmured. “I’ll definitely be in touch.”

“You can do this,” she whispered. Stepping back, she smiled. “Take care of the little ones.” At the door, Sienna managed to hug her gently.

“I’ll never forget how much you’ve helped,” Sienna whispered, her eyes tearing. “It’s going to be hard to get through the next couple months.”

“That’s why you can call,” Regan reminded her. “And don’t forget to talk to Brian all the time. Let him know how you’re feeling.”

Sienna nodded and let Regan pass. “Goodbye,” she murmured. When she heard the front door close, she turned to face her husband. “Good morning.”

Brian smiled. “Hey, you’re looking better,” he told her, and mentally kicked himself. That was all he could say to his wife?!

But she smiled back. “Yeah, I took a much needed bath. The aches are starting to disappear.”

He nodded, not knowing what else to say. He desperately wanted to hold her but knew better. He didn’t want to scare her, but he didn’t know how else to comfort. His family had always been the kind to communicate best through touch. What was he to do now that he couldn’t use that to help the one person he loved more than anything?

Fortunately, Luke burst into tears in his arms, and Brian turned his attention to the baby, trying to comfort him. “Hey, baby,” he murmured, patting his son gently. “It’s okay, shh. Do you want your toy?” He waved a duck-shaped rattle. “You like that, son?” Unfortunately, Luke only screamed harder.

Sienna couldn’t help but smile at the panicked look that crossed Brian’s face as the twins joined their brother in his wails. Suppressing the panic she felt at being near a man, she stepped into the room and gathered up the girls.

“I’m going to go give them their baths,” she told Brian. He nodded and continued to try to pacify their son. “Brian? I think he’s probably hungry. You should get him his formula.”

Brian nodded again and watched as Sienna carried their daughters out of the room. When she reached the door, he called out. “Sienna?” She turned to look at him, apprehension visible in her features. “We’re going to be okay, right?”

She watched him for a long moment. “I hope so, I really hope so.”

AJ was ready to swear down the roof of the airplane. He was impatient to get off the plane and get back to Brian’s home to see Regan, to convince her that they could still be together even though the investigation was finished. He was sure it wouldn’t be that difficult because he loved her and Jordan and was willing to spend as much time as possible in Washington, DC with them. Heck, he thought, he’d move there if that’s what it took to keep her in his life. He absolutely could not lose her. Not now that he’d finally found the person he’d waited for his whole life.

Unfortunately, he was still stuck on the passenger jet, which was standing on the runway at the Lexington airport. There was no open gate to pull into, and they needed to wait for one. As his impatience grew, he tried to think of the past three days in New York. Jive had wanted him to hand over an outrageous amount of his royalties to them, but, after much negotiation, he’d gotten his way. They’d also scheduled the photo shoot for his album, and AJ had finally been able to escape the tediousness of it all to get back to where he wanted to be.

When the jet began to move, he suppressed the urge to jump up and dance. He was getting closer to his dream, and he considered the movement towards the terminal symbolic of his life. When they’d finally disembarked, AJ nearly ran towards baggage claim and, grabbing his small bag, burst out the doors, nearly running his mother over.

“Alex, honey!” Denise steadied herself. “Goodness, where’s the fire!”

AJ grinned and threw his arms around her. “Sorry, Ma. I just wanted to get the quickest cab back to Brian’s. I didn’t think anybody would be here to pick me up. Besides,” he stepped back, “I thought you’d be back in Florida by now.”

Denise shook her head. “I was just waiting for you to get back. I couldn’t leave without seeing my son, now could I?”

They began walking towards the parking garage, and AJ pulled his hat lower and his collar higher so no one would recognize him. Since he’d realized wearing sunglasses made him more recognizable, he’d quit wearing them as part of the disguise.

“So, how are Si and Brian doing? Does he know what really happened, yet?” AJ wondered.

Denise shook her head as she opened the car door. “Yes, I think he knows. I don’t know how they’re going to get past this, but I think they can do it. If ever there was a couple more devoted to each other than those two, I haven’t seen it yet.”

AJ had to smile. Yeah, Brian and Sienna were definitely made for each other and would make it through this obstacle, too. He slid into the car. “I wish I could turn back time and make sure that I didn’t leave the room when I was with Si and her kids that day. They would have been okay then.”

His mother turned to him and cupped his face. “Honey, I think everyone’s told you this a million times, but it wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t Brian’s fault or Sienna’s fault, either. All the blame belongs to Scott. He chose to hurt an innocent family, and I hope he’s burning in hell at this moment.”

AJ blinked at the vehemence in his mother’s voice. It wasn’t often he heard it because she only used it when she was really angry. He grinned. “Okay, Ma. It wasn’t my fault, and I’m going to really try to get over the guilt complex. I promise.”

“Good,” she smiled and turned onto the highway.

When they pulled up to the Littrell home, she turned to him again. “Do you want me to wait for you to get your things or are you planning on spending another day or so with Brian and Sienna?”

AJ shook his head. “Nah, I just need to get my stuff and talk to Regan and Jordan.” When Denise’s smile disappeared, he frowned. “What? What’s wrong?”

Denise sighed. “I’m sorry, hon, but Regan and Jordan are gone. They left the day before yesterday.” When his face fell, she reached out and squeezed his hand. “She left you something, though.” Handing him the envelope, Denise watched as he pulled it open and read.

Dear Alex,

You’re probably going to be angry to know that I’m going home. The case is done, Sienna’s home, and I’ve done all I needed to do here. Besides, Jordan needed to get back to school. I know it’s not fair leaving when you’re still gone, but I needed to leave. The last month was something out of a dream, and I’ll never forget it. Just as I’ll never forget that you told me you loved me.

I’m not overlooking or dismissing your feelings, but we’ve only known each other during a very hectic and stressful month. Everyone was an emotional mess, and we reached out to each other to get through it—which is a very common thing in such cases. Usually, though, when everything settles down, people end up regretting rushing into things. AJ, I don’t want us to be something we regret, so I want to leave on a good note—with no anger, no recriminations. You’ve made me feel alive again, and, for that, I will be forever grateful.

You once asked me what my favorite movie was. “Shakespeare in Love” would be my answer. In the end, both lovers chose duty over desire because they knew that life is often unfair and love isn’t always enough. We’re in that boat, too. I know you’ll be angry when you read this, but I hope you’ll understand.

I wish you the best of luck in everything because you deserve it. One day, I hope you’ll be able to forgive me for leaving you like this. There’s someone out there for you, someone who’ll be able to love you the way I can’t. Find her and don’t let her go.

Always,

Regan

“Understand?! What the hell am I supposed to understand and accept about the fact that she’s gone? That she wasn’t willing to stick it out and see if it worked?”

AJ paced the kitchen while Sienna sat at the kitchen table and Brian leaned against the counter, ten yards separating them. They watched as AJ vented his frustration and knew that there really wasn’t anything they could do. When his worried gaze met Sienna’s, she shrugged at Brian and realized it was the first time they’d made eye contact in three days, while she’d been home only four days.

“AJ,” Sienna began, her quiet tone cutting through his edginess. “I think she was trying to spare you any future failure. She might be right about the whole emotional factor. Things happen you can’t predict, and even the strongest of relationships doesn’t always survive.”

She avoided Brian’s questioning gaze. After all, the man she loved had been avoiding her whenever possible, and she was nearly certain he’d given up on their marriage. That he was disgusted by the fact that Scott had put his hands on her and didn’t know what to do with her now. She tried to push those thoughts out of her mind and focused on AJ.

He shook his head. “No, absolutely not! I refuse to believe that we wouldn’t have worked out in the long run. Damn it, I love her! But what does she say to that? Some crap about duty over desire and love not being enough. She didn’t give us a chance to find out if we might have made it, or if our love could have lasted!” He stopped then and snatched up the letter again.

“Maybe she’s just afraid to let go,” Brian suggested. “Love’s not easy, either.”

“Afraid?! She killed Scott when he was aiming for Sienna, but she can’t face a relationship?” AJ wondered incredulously.

Sienna shook her head. “AJ, that’s not what happened. Scott wasn’t aiming for me, he had it on her. She was hit, too. I thought she told you.”

The color drained out of his face, and he dropped into a chair. “No, she didn’t tell me. She was hit?! But she seemed okay that day.”

“They dug out the bullet in the house, but she had to get stitched up here after taking my statement. I don’t think she wanted to worry you. Most people want to spare their loved ones from pain, you know.” Sienna watched him carefully.

Loved ones? Was it possible that she was in love with him, too? AJ scanned the letter again, trying to find an indication of the emotion.

“Oh, man, oh, Jesus,” he murmured.

Brian went to his side. “What’s going on? What happened?”

AJ looked up at him and over at Sienna. “She never told me that she loved me, but she wrote that love might not be enough. Does that mean—does she, God, do you think she’s in love with me, too?”

Sienna opened her mouth, but Brian spoke instead. “I think it’s very possible that she loves you. When I told her that she should stay and that the two of you should figure out what was going on, she looked sad and said that she had to go because she couldn’t hang onto something that might fade when the drama’s over. She said something about it being not because she didn’t love you but because you two have only known each other a month.”

“So she loves me?” He clung desperately to that hope like a man hanging onto a lifesaver.

Sienna nodded. “It’s probable. She said she didn’t fully get over what happened with Jordan’s father until you.” She watched AJ pale then smile a little. “What do you really want, AJ? More than anything?”

“Regan and Jordan,” he answered without hesitation. “I can see my life with them years down the line, but I’m terrified to think of it without them. How crazy is it that love can do that to you?”

Sienna smiled, too. “It’s love. It’s supposed to be crazy.” She paused. “If you want them that badly, then go after them. Don’t let what she said stop you because she’s scared of giving in and losing everything. Go after them.”

“Brian?”

Brian nodded, unable to look at Sienna. Was she pulling away from him? Was she ready for them to be over? What had she meant by the strongest relationships not working? He shook those thoughts off and looked at AJ.

“When you love someone, you have to do everything possible to hold onto them. So, yeah, I agree. Go get her, buddy.”

AJ grinned, ideas of how to do so racing in his mind. “I think I will.”

***

Sienna sat in a rocking chair in the nursery. Luke had fallen asleep an hour before, but she continued to cradle him. Her mind was full of doubts—all directed at her marriage. Was it crumbling? Had her own fear of being touched and Brian’s reaction to the news of Scott violating her destroyed their marriage? She didn’t know and was afraid to ask Brian. Terrified that his answer would be yes.

“You’re going to have to talk to him eventually. Tell him how you feel, too. He loves you, and he’s going to be able to help you through this. If you don’t tell him, you’re going to drift apart.”

Regan’s words echoed in the darkness, and Sienna sighed. It didn’t require a psychiatrist to tell her she was hedging, waiting for him to come talk to her. And if he didn’t, maybe, by the time she got around to reaching out to him, it would be too late.

No! Sienna stood and placed Luke in his crib. She would not let Scott destroy what she and Brian had spent so much time, care, and love building. Her marriage was not going to be wrecked, and she was going to make sure of it.

Checking on the twins, she made sure they were sleeping then went to find Brian. He hadn’t been sleeping in their bedroom but in a guestroom down the hall. The door was ajar, and she could see that the lights were still on. She knocked lightly then pushed the door open.

Brian looked up from the papers he was studying and watched Sienna step into the room and look at him warily. Giving her a small smile, he set the papers aside on the bed next to him and slid his reading glasses off.

“Hey.”

Sienna moved to sit in an armchair in the corner of the room, afraid to get near the bed. “Hi.”

This was good, Brian thought. If this was all they could say to each other after five years together, then he was terrified that they really were going to fall apart.

“Are the kids sleeping?”

“Yeah, for a while now.” She smiled, thinking of how lucky they’d been in having three babies who fell asleep easily.

“Good. That’s good.” He wondered why she’d come to seek him out. He wasn’t in their bedroom because he wanted to give her that space, but

“Brian? Can I ask you a question?” Her voice cut through his thoughts.

“Yeah, of course.”

She twisted the wedding ring she wore on her finger, a sign that she was nervous, Brian knew and wondered what was to come.

“I—you’ve been avoiding me for the past couple days. I mean, you don’t stay in a room too long when I’m there, and you haven’t been into our room since I came home,” she rushed to get the words out, afraid she’d lose her courage. Her eyes finally met his. “Why? Are you disgusted by the fact that Scott—that he…”

“That he hurt you in the most horrible way possible?” Brian finished for her. He moved until he sat at the edge of the bed closest to her. But not too close, he reminded himself. “I’m not disgusted with you, baby, I want Scott to be alive so I can rip him to pieces for touching you. For putting those bruises on you, for making you afraid to be near me.” She looked down at her hands as he watched her. “Sienna, you know I love you more than anything. It hurts to know you suffered so badly and that I can’t be with you to help you get past the fear. But if you want me to leave”

Her head whipped up. “Leave? Why would I want you to leave? I need you here, Brian. I know I can’t get close to you, right now. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want you here. I thought you didn’t want to be with me anymore,” she whispered.

“Oh, Jesus,” he murmured. “Sienna, I want to be here, need to be here. It doesn’t matter that you need space, just as long as you don’t leave me. As long as we don’t give up on us, we can make it through this.”

“No matter how long it takes?”

He shook his head. “I love you, and I promise I’ll wait and stand by you as long as it takes. Whether it takes months or years. As long as you want me here,” he added, hoping she still did.

He didn’t want to leave, he wasn’t disgusted, he loved her. The thoughts swirled through her mind, relief chasing them all. Why had she ever been stupid enough to think he would want to leave her after all they’d been through and all they meant to each other?

Smiling, Sienna looked up at Brian. “I want you here, and I’m glad, so glad that you’re not turned off by everything.”

Brian shook his head. “I couldn’t be turned off by anything,” he promised. “Whatever you need, I’ll be here. I guess Regan was right when she said we just needed to talk it out. I was afraid you wanted to go, and you were afraid I wanted out. God, we couldn’t have been more wrong.”

“I love you, Brian,” she told him.

His heart doing a happy dance, he smiled. “I love you, Sienna.”

She had to fight for breath as fear clogged her throat. Too many images, too much pain. It seemed to assail her the more she delved into it. Her insides felt as though they were being ripped apart again, and she knew she’d rather die than go through this repeatedly. Squeezing her eyes shut, Sienna wrapped her arms around herself and rested her head between her knees and took the deep breaths the therapist advised.

After a few minutes, the pressure in her chest eased, and she was able to sit up again. She looked up at Dr. Lewis through eyes brimming with tears. I will not cry, I will not waste my tears, Sienna repeated in her mind, trying desperately to hold them back.

“I know this is difficult, Sienna,” Dr. Lewis spoke gently. “This is, however, the only road to recovery. You need to be able to face what happened to you and know that it wasn’t your fault. That there’s nothing for you to be afraid of any longer.”

Sienna took another slow, deep breath. “I know,” she said finally. “I know it’s not my fault that this happened. I told him I’d do anything so long as my children were safe, but it was his fault that the—the rest happened. I just…I just want to stop being afraid and be comfortable around the men in my life.”

The doctor nodded. “Of course, you do. It’s understandable that you’d be leery of men at this point. It’s only been three weeks since your return, and this is the third time we’ve met. However, I have to tell you that you’re at a much better place in your recovery process than many women that come in here. Often, women believe it didn’t happen, they try to block it out, and they don’t want to talk about it.” She paused. “I know you don’t want to talk about it, but you are. This pushes your recovery along far more quickly.”

“How long will it take? Like you said, I’ve already been home three weeks, and, apart from physically feeling better, I can’t get past these nightmares,” Sienna sighed. “I’m afraid to sleep because I don’t want to see it, feel it again.”

“Again, that’s understandable. Do you think you can tell me about the last time you had a nightmare?”

Sienna lifted her gaze from her hands to the doctor’s kind eyes. Dr. Lewis was a relatively young psychologist, who had been nothing but kind and supportive during the visits, although she was firm when it came to enabling Sienna to speak about her experience. She was glad that Liv had helped her find a doctor she could trust, and Dr. Lewis with her kind eyes was perfect.

However, Sienna also knew that it would not be up to the doctor to help her resolve her emotional and mental turmoil without knowing everything that was going on. Sienna had to give her details of the events that continued to affect her recovery, her journey back to normal life.

Now, she concentrated on the compassion she found in blue eyes and made herself speak of the incident just the night before.

There was no point in running, not when the door was locked, and Scott was approaching her, the vicious gleam apparent even more so this time. Why didn’t he just kill her if he despised her so much to degrade her day after day, Sienna often found herself wondering. God knew, death would be a welcome relief from the constant pain.

Before she could draw another breath, he’d grabbed her by the shoulders and shoved her to the ground. Though she struggled, lashing out with arms and legs, the blinding agony, the searing pain came anyway.

Sienna woke, gasping for air and unable to move. Panicking and thinking that she was still trapped, that somehow he was back, she tried to suppress the screams. When she realized that she was no longer trapped by Scott but by the blankets tangled around her legs, the relief coursing through her helped her heart rate level.

It’s done, it’s over. He’s dead and can’t hurt you anymore, she kept reminding herself, trying to believe it. To fight off the dark, she reached over and slapped on the bedside lamp. The room was bathed in golden light, and Sienna began to relax amidst the familiar surroundings of the room.

When the door burst open, her heart bounded into her throat as Brian hurried in.

“What happened? Are you okay? Was it another nightmare?” he asked anxiously and, not thinking, went to put his arms around her.

Sienna shrank back and pulled the blankets around her like a shield. Brian straightened and took a step back from the bed, the motion sending an ache through her. She didn’t want him to back away but couldn’t bear him too close. She could see her pain reflected in the clouded blue depths of his eyes and hated herself for hurting him.

“Yeah,” she managed to speak through the misery that filled her. “It was another nightmare.”

Brian sighed, and she watched his fists clench, unclench. She knew he wanted to fight them off for her, but her personal demons were her own to battle.

“Do you need anything? Water?” he asked finally.

She shook her head. “No, nothing.” She sighed. “Brian, I’m okay. I’ll be okay. You should go back to bed.”

“You’re not okay,” he whispered. “Not if you’re still having nightmares.” He turned to face the window, but she could see the stiffness in his features. “I hate that you keep having them, that I can’t do something to fix them.”

She wanted to reach out to him, to tell him she would be okay—eventually. But the same fears kept her from keeping him close. “Please don’t, Brian. Please don’t think that you’re not doing anything to help because you are.” She waited until he turned back to face her. “I love you, and that’s going to get me through this.”

He ran a hand wearily over his face. “God, Sienna. I love you, too. I love you so much, and it kills me to see you suffering. To not be able to protect you from the past.”

“Brian, you give me the strength to get through this. Knowing that you’re there to help me through this is enough. Please believe that.”

His eyes met hers. “Okay. All right, then.” He sighed. “I guess I’ll go, let you rest. If you need anything…”

“I know, I’ll call for you,” she promised. “Go to sleep, Brian. I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

But for how long would that love last? Sienna wondered as she watched him go. How much would he handle, how long would he wait before it became too much, too long? Before he needed to get out?

“That’s taking a step backwards, Sienna,” Dr. Lewis broke through then. “Your husband loves you, and you shouldn’t think he’ll walk out because you can’t give him something. From what you’ve told me, he is supporting you and is available to take care of you in any way that he can. That doesn’t sound like a man who will leave—and you should dispel those doubts of yours, too.”

Sienna nodded. Of course, the doctor was right. Brian had shoved his own life on a backburner to be around to take care of her. Knowing he couldn’t hold her, he’d taken steps to help her be more comfortable by doing little things that would help her relax. They would take the kids for walks, and he’d helped her weed their gardens that had been neglected during her absence. At night, he’d sometimes pop a movie in and make her popcorn. Though he wouldn’t sit next to her, he’d still be close enough so she would know that he was always there should she ever need anything.

Ashamed at her own doubts, Sienna made a mental note to be better and do something for him, too. She looked up at the doctor again.

“You’re right. I think my mind is so scrambled, and it makes me think of the worst possible scenarios. Brian,” she thought of him with a smile, “wouldn’t leave. Not in a million years. I’m sorry I even doubted it for a moment.”

Dr. Lewis placed a hand on Sienna’s arm lightly. “Have you told him what happened? Have you been able to tell him what you’ve told Agent Daniels and myself?” When Sienna shook her head, the doctor sighed. “Perhaps, the next time, you should bring him with you. I think he needs to hear it, Sienna. It’s going to help both of you to know that the other fully understands the extent of the experience.”

Sienna sighed. “I’ll ask him, and he’ll probably come. He’ll do just about anything as long as it helps me.”

She tried not to think that she would be too terrified to repeat the horrors aloud in front of him because she was afraid, once he knew the full story, it would hurt him too deeply. It already hurt him to know she had nightmares. How would he react once he knew everything?

“Good,” Dr. Lewis smiled. “I think that’s all we’ll do today. I can’t promise the nightmares won’t return, but I can promise you that, once you are able to fully accept what happened, they will gradually disappear.” She patted Sienna’s hand. “We’ll make an appointment for a few days from now and you’ll bring Brian.”

Sienna stood. “Thank you. I think it helps to feel the pain again because it isn’t as bad as it once was.”

“That’s progress then,” the doctor replied with a smile. “I’ll see you in a few days.”

***

I feel these four walls closing in
Face up against the glass
I’m looking out
Is this my life I’m wonderin’
It happened so fast
How do I turn this thing around?
Is this the bed I chose to make?
There’s greener pastures
I’m thinkin’ about
Wide-open spaces far away
All I want is the wind in my hair
To face the fear but not feel scared

Sienna walked into her shop, the haven she’d created for herself and stood absorbing the feel of it for a moment. She’d created this place seven years ago out of her love for flowers and her desire to share them with others. In that time, it had become a huge success and business boomed. Now it doubled as a florist and a mini greenhouse where customers could buy flowers and herbs to plant in their own flowerbeds, and she couldn’t be more proud of it.

In her absence, Marlena had run the shop perfectly, and Sienna hadn’t had to worry about sales declining because, due to curiosity over her kidnapping, more people had come into the shop. Now, during the busiest season when everyone needed flowers to plant in their gardens, the shop had a steady flow of customers.

Brian hadn’t wanted her to return to work so soon after the ordeal, she remembered. He’d gently, but firmly insisted that she needed to give herself time. When she’d remained adamant about returning, convinced that it would steady her, he’d backed off. She knew he’d let her go because he didn’t want to frighten her by arguing over it, and she hated that it had come to the point where he treated her like fragile porcelain. Deep down, she wanted their relationship back to the way it had been where they were friends, lovers and could argue easily and make up just as easily. Emotionally, she couldn’t return to that because she knew she’d flinch during an argument if either of them yelled at the other. The yelling reminded her too much of Scott, and she knew that Brian would automatically concede any argument to her if he thought he’d hurt her.

“Sienna?”

Sienna turned to face Marlena, who was watching her with concern clearly etched across her features. She walked to where Marlena stood behind the register.

“Hey.” Sienna smiled. “Sorry, I guess I just spaced out there for a minute.”

“Don’t worry, it’s not like I’ve never done that before.” Marlena grinned. “So, how was the session?”

Sienna’s smile disappeared. “It’s hard to go through it again and again, but I really think it might be helping. Dr. Lewis thinks I’m recovering quickly. Which is good because then I won’t have to keep putting up barriers between myself and the men I love.”

Marlena frowned. “Si, who are you recovering for? Yourself or Brian and your family?”

“What do you mean?”

Marlena opened her mouth but was interrupted by a woman asking about gerbera daisies. When she’d taken care of the customer’s concerns, Marlena turned back to Sienna.

“I meant, why do you want to get past this? Is it so that you won’t have those nightmares anymore and can get on with living your life or so you can give your husband, Shane, and your uncles the comfort of being able to be around you again?”

Sienna opened her mouth to say something then stopped. Her brow furrowed and her face turned thoughtful.

“I don’t know,” she said after several long moments. “I really don’t. I don’t want the men that love me to feel as though they need to be extra careful, and I want Brian to be able to comfort himself by being able to comfort me…”

“That’s not recovering for yourself, Si,” Marlena broke in. She placed a hand on Sienna’s arm, forcing Sienna to look at her. “Listen to me, I’ve never had to deal with what you’ve gone through, but you have to do this for yourself. Don’t rush yourself to get over this so you can please other people. They'll love you no matter what, and they’ll be happier if you truly heal, instead of just doing it for them.”

Sienna sighed. “I know, I know that. It’s just hard to see Shane and Brian look so hurt when I can’t hug them and freak out when they’re too close. I hate that I’m the cause of that pain.”

Marlena shook her head. “Brian loves you and would rather you heal. He knows how to deal with his own pain and put it aside to be what you need. You’re the most important person for him right now. As for Shane,” Marlena smiled a little. “He’ll be okay. Yeah, it bothers him, but he understands enough to want you to heal instead of molding yourself to be the old Sienna.”

“Okay.” She sighed again. “I’m not doing it for them solely, either. But yeah, I think you’re right, and I’ll try to change my focus.”

“Good.” Marlena squeezed her shoulder. “You’ll get through this. We’re all here and rooting for you.”

Sienna smiled. “Thanks.” Looking down, she spotted something sparkling. “Marlena!”

“Sienna!” Marlena grinned. “What? What did I do?”

“It’s more of a what you haven’t told me,” Sienna told her. “Like what’s on your hand?”

Marlena smiled happily at the gleaming jewel on her left hand.

“Shane proposed three days ago,” she announced. “It was the two year anniversary of the day he told me he loved me! God, we’re getting married! Can you believe it?”

Sienna grinned. “I’m not surprised, except for the fact that you waited three days to tell me!” She hugged Marlena. “I’m so happy for the both of you! I can’t believe he didn’t call me to tell me before he proposed. And I can’t believe you two got back together while I was gone! I wanted to be the one to get you together.”

Marlena shook her head. “You being gone got us back together. You know the story, and he’s had the ring since last year.”

“Oh, oh,” Sienna remembered. “Right, I remember when he bought the ring. He wanted me to go with him, but I told him it was up to him to figure out what he wanted. I guess he figured it out. Have the two of you thought about when you want to get married?”

Marlena nodded. “If he’d had his way, we’d be married by now, but we’re going to do it in July. It’ll give me time to plan the best wedding!”

Sienna smiled, remembering how she and Brian had rushed to get married, not wanting anything to come between them again. They’d waited two months then taken the plunge. It would be two years in December, Sienna realized. Two of the most wonderful years. Or they would be, once she could get herself back to normal, she reminded herself.

Shaking those thoughts off, she turned back to Marlena. “So, what have you got planned so far?”

***

Brian set the crinkly brown bags on the counter then turned to set Luke into the high chair. The twins ran around the kitchen chasing each other and giggling hysterically. Brian grinned over at them and checked to make sure there was nothing around that they’d bump into and get hurt. Noting the lack of things that the twins could turn into potential weapons, he pulled out a cup of peas and diced carrots for Luke and began feeding him, which would turn into an ordeal of its own. Luke was notorious for flinging his arms against the spoon and scattering food everywhere. Brian was still working on the logistics of how best to feed his son.

When he heard the front door open, his heart trip-hammered. Sienna was home, which meant another evening of trying to figure out what it was she needed. He was trying so hard to do whatever it took to make her comfortable and happy, but he felt all his efforts were futile. He didn’t expect her to jump into his arms, but he’d been hoping that she would stop looking at him with fear in her eyes whenever he came close to her.

This isn’t about you, Brian reminded himself. You’re not the one who was hurt. Stop thinking of what you need. Of course it’s going to take her time—it’s only been three weeks since the nightmare ended.

Sienna shut the door and waited for the twins to come running into the foyer. She heard their feet pitter-pattering down the hall and laughed as they attached themselves to her.

“Kafe see! Kafe see!” Serena giggled as Sienna lifted her daughters into her arms.

Kara couldn’t be left behind. “Un-unh! Kafe see, Kara! Kafe see!!”

Sienna chuckled. “Kafe see, huh? I wonder what the two of you have been up to today? Where’s Daddy?” she asked them.

“Tikten,” the girls chorused.

Sienna nodded and headed to the back of the house to find Brian cajoling Luke into taking the last peas in the Gerber bottle. Just watching him made her realize how lucky she was that he was such a patient man. He was a wonderful father and husband, and she knew she’d been wrong to think that he’d ever get tired of waiting for her or disgusted by what had happened to her. After all they’d been through in the past, the current mess was a piece of cake. They were together. That’s what would get them through this, she knew.

He looked over at her and smiled when she entered the kitchen.

“Hey, how was work?”

She grinned. That was such a domestic line. “Good. It was good.” She set the twins down so they could dash off. “Did you know Shane proposed to Marlena?”

Brian managed to get the last spoonful of peas into Luke then, straightening up, looked over at her. “Really? That’s great!” He smiled. “When did he ask her?”

Sienna walked over to the counter to peek into the paper bags on the counter. “Three days ago, and she kept it quiet this whole time! Sneaky,” she murmured, pulling a bag open. “Aha! So that’s what the girls were babbling about.”

Brian didn’t move. If he joined her at the counter, she’d back away. He didn’t need that at the moment.

“What were they babbling about?”

She lifted a carton of fried chicken out of the bag. “They kept saying ‘Kafe see!’ Which, of course, means KFC. So, would this be dinner then?”

Brian smiled sheepishly. “I thought about cooking, but after the meeting with Johnny and the conference call with Reunion, I was too drained to make anything. I hope you don’t mind.”

She broke off a piece of chicken and tried it. “Mmm. Nope, it’s not a problem.” She glanced over at him. “Luke’s all done?”

Brian ran his hand over the baby’s unruly curls. “Yep. I’m going to go grab his playpen and bring it in here, so we can watch him while we eat. Do you want to get things set up?”

“Yeah, okay.” Sienna watched him leave the room then crossed over to pick Luke up. “My darling,” she murmured, pressing a kiss to his soft cheek. “Your daddy’s terrified of me, and I have to come up with some way to make him more comfortable with me. Ideas would always be welcome.”

Sighing, she set him back down in the chair and grinned as he began to bang on the table with a spoon. She grabbed plates, glasses, and filled up the twins’ sippy cups with water. When Brian came back with the playpen and began to get Luke situated into it, she chased after the girls and hoisted them into their high chairs.

***

Later, after the children had fallen asleep, Sienna curled up in the den with a book and, after trying to read and failing, she gave up. She couldn’t focus, she knew, because she had yet to tell Brian about the therapy session that he needed to attend. They hadn’t really spoken about how the other was really feeling, and this was one surefire way to get those thoughts out into the open.

Sighing, she set the book down and headed towards the office where she knew Brian was working. Steeling herself, she pushed open the door and stepped in.

“Hey.” She sat in a chair across the desk from him.

Brian looked up at her, surprised to see her there. “Hi. I thought you were just going to read and go on to bed.”

She shook her head. “I was, but I realized we need to talk.” She paused to collect her thoughts and figure out the best starting point. “Bri, I know it’s hard for you to keep your distance when you see me hurting, but I want you to know that there’s nothing I want more than you to hold me. But I can’t.”

He nodded. “I know. Sienna, you know I’ll do whatever it takes to make you comfortable. I meant it.”

“Even if it makes you unhappy?”

“This isn’t about me. I wasn’t the one…I didn’t go through the ordeal; you did. I’ll be okay as long as you are,” he assured her.

Sienna sighed. “Brian, why can’t you just say it? You tiptoe around what happened and call it an ‘ordeal,’ a ‘mess,’ and whatever else. Why can’t you just say it? Scott raped me.”

The color drained from his face, and he turned away to stare out the window. “Because I can’t think about it. It’s over and he’s dead. There’s no point in rehashing it repeatedly.” His voice was flat.

“But that’s why I’ve been going to therapy, Bri. To keep dragging it up. It’s the only way I’ll get past it, and, if that’s truly what you want for me, then you’re going to have to hear it, too.” She paused, waiting for him to look at her. When his troubled gaze met hers, she managed a half-smile. “Dr. Lewis wants you to come to the next session with me. She thinks it’s important that we do this together. That you know what really happened because it’ll make it easier for you to help in the recovery process. I know you don’t want to do this, to hear it, but I need you to come with me. Please.”

Brian stared down at his hands as thoughts careened through his mind. How could he sit there and hear all those horrid events? He could hardly live with the fact that he hadn’t been able to protect Sienna from them in the first place, but, now, she wanted him to hear them firsthand? He wasn’t sure he’d be able to control the guilt then.

He looked up at her, waiting for his answer. She was the love of his life, and he knew he’d never be able to live without her. Whatever it took to make her truly happy again, he would do. So, he’d go with her to the therapy session, and he’d hear the horrors. Then, he’d try to help them move past it.

“On one condition,” he began.

“Condition?” Sienna was confused. He would only help her conditionally?

“Yeah. I love you, Sienna, and I’m willing to do all this for you, so you can get your peace of mind back. But,” he paused. “I can’t handle the fact that you’re terrified when I get within five feet of you. I can’t stand seeing the fear in your eyes, and, you’re right, it hurts me. So, I’ll come with you to however many sessions it takes, however many months or years it takes, only if you can try to get past the fact that I’m a man. It’s me, baby. It’s Brian, your husband. I love you, I’d never hurt you. I just need you to remember that.”

Sienna nodded, blinking back tears. He was right, she knew that, and she would try to get over the fear. She didn’t know if she could actually do it, but for the man she loved she’d do whatever it took to make him happy, too.

“I’ll remember,” she promised. “Thank you, Brian.”

“Don’t thank me,” he murmured. “I love you. I’d do anything for you.”

“Me, too,” she whispered.

How I wish it could be that easy
But fear surrounds me like a fence
I wanna break free
All I want is the wind in my hair
To face the fear but not feel scared

Lyrics “Wild Horses” Natasha Bedingfield

“Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out…Fuck.”

Why the hell am I so nervous? AJ wondered as he stood in front of the door. It wasn’t like he hadn’t done this before. In fact, he’d been doing this for the past three weeks, ever since he’d left Kentucky. This time should be no different, but he was terrified standing in front of this door.

“AJ?”

He spun around and grinned, hiding his surprise. “Well, thank God!”

Kevin grinned back. “I couldn’t let you do this alone, even if you did do your whole album alone.”

“Yeah,” AJ smiled proudly, thinking of the thousands of discs that had gone on sale that day. Of course, Kevin would always know how all the guys were feeling. “But, you’re right, I’m glad you’re here. I’ve been fine on all those other shows, but this one has always been different.”

Kevin gestured towards the door. “They’re gonna love you out there. You’re such a ham, Alex. Trust your instincts.”

“AJ? They’re going to call you out in one minute,” a harried technician called out, leaning out of the taping room.

“Thanks,” AJ answered, then, squaring his shoulders, turned to face the door again. “They know you’re here?” he asked Kevin.

He shook his head. “Nope. Wanna make it a surprise?”

The terrified look suddenly disappeared, a smile replacing it. “Do I want to breathe? Yes, we’ll make it a surprise. They’re going to love it. They’re going to love me,” he assured himself, trying not to be nervous.

“Let’s welcome AJ McLean!”

“Good luck,” Kevin patted AJ’s back as the younger man stepped through the door, and applause exploded into the hall where Kevin stood. He smiled to himself. AJ would be fine.

“Kevin?” Another member of the technical crew hurried over. “We need to get you into makeup if you’re going out there.”

He glanced back towards the door, now shut, and, turning back to the woman, smiled and nodded.

AJ hugged and patted his way up to the stage and approached the host.

“Welcome back to TRL, AJ,” she greeted him enthusiastically. “We’re thrilled to have you here as you can tell from the all the screaming.” She gestured towards the audience then over to the window.

AJ wandered over to look down at Times Square and grinned at the die-hard Backstreet fans that would always support him, though he secretly hoped that he had his own fans, ones that had fallen in love with his music. Waving down at the banner-strewn crowd, he turned back to the ones in the studio.

“It’s great to be here,” he told Vanessa, the MTV VJ. “Thanks everybody for still loving me. And, of course, the rest of the guys.”

“Of course, we would,” Vanessa grinned. “So, let’s talk about what’s happening today…”

Her voice was drowned out by the screams, but they managed to talk about his new album and sounds. In between questions from both the fans and Vanessa, the top ten was played, and AJ was pleased to see that he’d landed in the top third spot. He hadn’t counted on even being in the top ten, but he was proud of that spot.

“So, um, if you guys can stand the excitement anymore,” AJ spoke up after his video had played. “I brought someone special with me.”

When the screams began again, ranging from audible “BRIAN!” to “NICK!”, AJ winced but laughed.

“Can I bring ‘em out?” he asked Vanessa.

She nodded, surprised. “Absolutely! Let’s see who it is!”

AJ grinned. “All right, everybody! Put your hands together for my one and only big bro! Kevin, come on out here!”

As the cheering ensued again, Kevin walked casually into the studio and made his way through the audience to where AJ stood with Vanessa.

“Hi,” Kevin greeted everyone. “How’s everything going?”

When the screams re-erupted, Vanessa shook her head. “You Boys always cause amazing chaos even after so many years! It’s incredible! How are you, Kevin?”

“Good, good. I’m really proud of AJ, which is why I’m here today.” He turned towards the camera. “Everyone out there, go buy his new album! It’s out today!”

“Thanks, Kev.” AJ grinned.

“Any time.”

“Awww, aren’t these two just great!” Vanessa gushed. “Well, guys. I guess we’ll hit you with the big questions now that two of you are here!”

AJ shrugged. “Bring ‘em on!”

Vanessa smiled. “All right. So, we know you guys were supposed to have your own tour that should have begun right around now, but it was postponed because Brian’s family was kidnapped, right?”

Kevin shifted his weight, trying not to be nervous about where this seemed to be going. “That’s right.”

“Okay. Well, I’m sure we, the fans, would love to know when the tour will be starting up again, and how are Brian and his family doing?”

AJ nodded. “Okay, well, we’re discussing when to restart the tour. We’re just trying to be supportive of Brian right now. He needs to spend time with his family, and we’re giving that time to him. I think all of us needed some time to recover from those crazy six weeks, too. Besides, I’m having fun doing my own promoting,” he added.

“Of course,” she agreed.

“As for how Bri and his family are,” Kevin continued. “I think Brian and Sienna are taking time to recover. Their children are young enough that they don’t really know what happened, but I think it’s just going to take the parents some time to get past the trauma. Because, when you get right down to it, the kidnapping was a horrifying thing to happen to anyone. Sienna and Brian just need time to feel safe and secure again. And all of us are very supportive of that,” he added.

“That’s good to hear! Well, let’s check out the number two video,” Vanessa changed the subject, noting the hesitancy in the two men. When the video was playing, she put her microphone down and leaned towards them. “I’m sorry if that was uncomfortable. They were questions I was given to ask by the superiors.”

Kevin waved it off. “Nah, it’s not a problem. We really are discussing what to do with the tour, but, when it comes to Brian, we think it better for him to answer those questions. Right now, for obvious reasons, he’s not comfortable talking about it.”

“Right,” Vanessa nodded then assumed the host role again as the cameras began rolling. “Well, we’re back, and, instead of just AJ, we get two Backstreet Boys! So, we’ve got an audience member who has one last question for AJ. Where is she?”

When the young woman with the question stood to face AJ, he smiled at her.

“Hi,” her voice wavered. “I’m Natalie, and I was wondering if you were dating the FBI agent that investigated the whole kidnapping case. I saw some pictures and was just wondering because I think you guys make a really cute couple!”

AJ knew the color had drained from his face, but he managed to smile. “Pictures, huh? Well, I didn’t know there were any out there, but the answer to that question is no. I’m not with anyone, right now. In the past, there may have been a little something with her, but it was no biggie,” he lied.

It was the first time he’d knowingly lied to his fans since leaving rehab, and it left a bitter taste in his mouth. Regan was everything now, and he couldn’t even publicly acknowledge that because she would be embarrassed and questioned by her own superiors.

“Okay, thanks! Oh, and I bought your album, and it rocks!” Natalie sat down again with a smile.

AJ had to smile at her enthusiasm. “I’m glad you liked it! That just made my day,” he laughed as she couldn’t hold back the shriek of excitement.

When the attention turned back to Vanessa, Kevin placed a hand on his shoulder and squeezed it supportingly. AJ acknowledged it with a slight smile.

“Thanks for the question, Natalie,” Vanessa said and turned towards the cameras and the teleprompter. “Well, that about wraps it up here on TRL. We’ll play the number one video, and everyone go out and buy AJ McLean’s new CD! Go get it!”

***

AJ settled into the backseat of the car that would take him to his next interview at the Z100 radio station. Kevin slid in next to him, while Johnny hopped in the front.

“Well, that was interesting,” he began but, at AJ’s sullen look, stopped.

Kevin shook his head. “You know fans are everywhere, Alex. They’ll take pictures of you from behind bushes. Maybe one of them caught you guys at the landing strip when you kissed her. Anything’s possible.”

“Maybe,” AJ muttered. “Doesn’t mean I have to like it. I hated saying that she wasn’t a big deal, but I had to say it to protect her.”

“Yeah,” Kevin murmured. “Guess the Bureau wouldn’t be too thrilled knowing their agents were having flings with witnesses in cases.”

“Damn it! It wasn’t a fling, Kevin!” AJ exploded. “I love her! I wanted to sing that out to everyone right then and there, but I couldn’t. And I hated doing that, but I have no choice. I have to pretend like nothing happened because I don’t know how to get her back.” He slumped back into the chair feeling helpless.

Kevin patted his arm. “If you love her that much, you’ll figure out something.”

“Right. I’m stuck on the media circuit, right now. Johnny’s not gonna be off my back for another two weeks, right man?”

Johnny turned around. “It might be better to just give her some time, you know. The next two weeks might give you more time to think about what to do.”

“Like three weeks hasn’t been enough?” AJ muttered.

Kevin shook his head. “The two of you had something very intense going on in a very short amount of time. I think three weeks hasn’t been enough for you to get over that anger you have over her leaving before you could stop her. So it’s best to just give it a little more time. Besides, you need a game plan—one that’ll sweep her off her feet.”

“Maybe,” AJ murmured again. “I just need her back so badly. I’m willing to do anything.”

“Like laying your heart on the line?” Kevin wondered.

AJ shook his head. “Already done that. She knows I love her, but she still left! I have to figure out something else.” He sighed as they pulled into the radio station’s parking lot. “Later.”

***

“Hey, what’s up?”

Brian looked up as Mac slid into the chair across the table from him.

He managed a smile. “Thanks for coming, man,” he began. “I just needed to talk to someone about everything that’s been going on because I really don’t know what to do.”

Mac frowned, his brown eyes filled with concern. “What’s wrong? Are Sienna and the kids okay?”

Brian sighed. “The kids are great, they’re fine. It’s just…”

“Is everything okay between you and Sienna?” Mac asked. “Is she okay?”

Brian sighed again. The world outside the sometimes-suffocating Backstreet circle did not know the full story of the kidnapping. To protect Sienna, Brian had refused to share the information of her sexual abuse with everyone, and the others had agreed. Now, Brian knew he’d have to share it with a friend. He desperately needed to talk to someone outside that circle, and Regan was out of the question because, much as he may need her help, he knew that it would hurt AJ more to keep bringing her back into their circle.

He’d been friends with MacAllister Jenkins since he and Sienna had first begun taking the twins to his pediatrics clinic. They had become friends easily because Mac was relaxed enough about everything that just being around him gave Brian an outlet from the occasional frustrations of being a father and husband. Plus, Mac didn’t see Brian’s friendship in dollar signs, which had often happened in the past. Brian was grateful for their friendship, especially now.

“No,” Brian replied finally. “No, she’s not okay.” He leaned forward, afraid that someone in the café they were sitting in would overhear. “There’s something you don’t know about what happened during the kidnapping, Mac. Something I chose to keep out of the media, so we could return to normal life quickly.” He sighed. “Unfortunately, it looks as though normal life is out of bounds right now.”

“What happened, Littrell? Spit it out.” Mac raised a brow expectantly.

Brian nodded. “During the kidnapping, while Scott had Sienna, he…he, God, Mac. He raped her.” He stared down into the untouched cup of coffee that sat in front of him. When Mac was silent, Brian looked up at his friend. “Well? Don’t you have anything to say?”

Mac smiled grimly. “You didn’t have to tell me what happened, I kind of figured it out after seeing her when she brought Luke in last week. She got really skittish around me, and I had to call Shelley in to examine Luke.” He shook his head. “I’m sorry, Brian, I really am. I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything. It’s just—I don’t know how to help her because she’s nervous around me, too. Every time I get too close, she freaks out and runs in the opposite direction. I don’t know what to do to make her feel safer. And then, God, when she has nightmares, and I can’t take care of her afterwards…I feel like the worst husband in the world, Mac, and I can’t talk to any of the other guys because they just want what’s best for Sienna, but what about me? Aren’t I suffering, too? And I know that sounds really selfish, but that’s how I feel, and I can’t stop wanting to just…” the rush of words died out.

Mac sat back. “Wow, that was quite a bit. Let me think,” he murmured. “So, Sienna was raped, and now she’s afraid to be too close to men. That makes sense, even with you. Yeah, you love her, but she’s just going to need time to get over that fear. And you’re not a terrible husband, Bri. You being worried right now for the both of you is really good. If you shoved aside all your needs for her, you wouldn’t be the guy she loves. And she does love you, she just needs time. You needing her to not be afraid of you is understandable, too. Again, I think you just need to hang in there,” he reiterated.

Brian buried his face in his hands. “I’m horrible, aren’t I? All I want is for none of this to have happened, and I dread waking up each day because I know I’m going to see that fear in her eyes again. I just want my wife back,” he moaned.

“I’m not going to tell you that you feeling this way is normal because I’ve never had to deal with something like this before, either. I think it’s okay for you to feel helpless because, if it were me, I would definitely feel the same way,” Mac assured him. “Just keep doing what you’ve been doing to help her, and you can always call on me to vent or whatever. We can play a nice, long game of basketball where I’ll proceed to destroy you.”

Brian laughed, as Mac had hoped he would. “Yeah, right! You beat me? That’s never happened yet, and it’ll never happen in the future.” His smile disappeared again. “I guess there’s really nothing much I can do at this point, huh?” He acknowledged Mac’s nod. “She’s going to see a therapist, and the therapist suggested that I come with her the next time. Which is tomorrow,” he added.

“For what?”

“Sienna wasn’t the one to break the news to me about the rape, Regan was. I haven’t heard what happened in Sienna’s words, and the therapist thinks it might be good for both of us to be there to hear it all. That it’s somehow going to help our mutual recovery process,” Brian muttered. “I don’t need the recovery, Sienna does. I just don’t think I can do it because I already feel guilty as hell that anything happened. I’m afraid I’m going to break down when she actually says everything out loud. How would I be helping her then?”

“You ‘breaking down’ is exactly why you’re in the recovery process, too,” Mac told him. “I think it’s a good idea for the two of you to do this together. Maybe you’ll help her get over her fear of you.”

“Maybe,” Brian murmured. “I really hope so.”

Mac sighed. “There’s only one way to find out.”

Brian nodded, meeting his friend’s eyes. “I have to go tomorrow.”

***

Sienna slid into the passenger side of Brian’s car and gave him a small smile. It was the first time she’d been in a car with him since she’d been home, and she was already fearful of how close they were sitting. Just get over it, Si. Remember, he’s your husband. He loves you, she chanted the mantra in her head.

“Ready?” Brian asked as she buckled the seatbelt.

She nodded. “Yeah, let’s go.”

They drove in silence for a few minutes, and guilt began to overcome her. He was coming with her to the therapist’s office to hear what, for him, would be difficult to hear because he’d never heard it before. In a way, she was better equipped to deal with the experience because she relived it in her head repeatedly awake or asleep. But Brian had never heard the details of what she’d been through, and she felt guilty for putting him through this without giving him any sign that things would be okay if he helped her with this.

Sienna turned to study his profile. She’d always loved to trace his features in the dark after they’d made love, and he’d always laughed and asked her what she was doing.

“I’m memorizing every inch of this face,” she murmured, her eyes closed as her fingers moved over his features.

Brian kissed her fingers. “I’ll always be here, why do you need to memorize it? You can have this face whenever.”

“Yeah, I know.” She opened her eyes to see the smile gleaming in his. “I just want to remember everything. Just in case.”

He shook his head and pulled her down so her head rested in the curve of his shoulder. “I’ll never leave, Sienna. We’ll always be together. I love you.”

“I love you, Brian,” she spoke now.

Taking his eyes off the road, he turned to give her a puzzled smile. “Baby, I love you, too.”

Sienna shook her head. “No, really. Thank you for doing this. I know it hurts you, but thank you. I feel so blessed to have you by my side in this, even if I can’t give anything back to you.”

He smiled. “You told me you loved me. What more could I need?”

Sienna nodded then turned to stare out the window at the passing buildings. She hoped that love would be enough to carry them through the next few hours. When she saw the office complex that housed the therapist’s office, her heart began somersaulting. We can do this, we can do this, her chant changed as she closed her eyes to pray with all her heart that she and Brian would be okay.

“Sienna?” Brian parked the car and turned it off. He waited until her eyes opened. “We’re here.”

She nodded, then, taking a deep breath, pushed open the door.

Regan carefully slit open the plastic wrapping, and, opening the case, slid its contents into her stereo. She hadn’t expected to be doing this in a million years. When the FedEx deliveryman had stood at her doorstep, she’d been surprised, knowing she hadn’t ordered anything from anywhere. Then again, maybe she had forgotten. When she’d opened the box and read the note from Howie, she’d been, well, stunned was too mild a word, Regan decided.

Now, here she was, doing the unthinkable. She was listening to AJ sing his way through a list of a dozen songs. Howie had thoughtfully sent her AJ’s new album, the one that had been released the day before, because he had thought she would appreciate listening to it. Well, she had to admit she was appreciating the gesture because she’d never truly heard him sing before.

Unfortunately, she couldn’t open the album jacket. The cover was already killing her because his eyes kept staring at her, but damned if she would torture herself by flipping through the rest of it. Especially the liner notes. Especially since Howie had stressed that she read the liner notes AJ had had frantically changed in the last week before the album release. Especially because that last move had cost him thousands of dollars to do at the last minute.

Which was why she had put the jacket into a drawer and shut it. If she’d had a lock on the drawer, she would have locked it and thrown away the key. She’d torture herself with his voice because she’d already gone out and bought the older Backstreet Boys albums, but she refused to torture herself with the sight of him.

In the past month, she’d rebuilt every defense AJ had torn down in their time together. It turned out that he’d knocked every last one of them down, and she’d had a hell of a time putting them back up. Regan would never admit to the bouts of loneliness that plagued her at night, or the dreams.

God, the dreams. Regan sat up and tried to focus on the words of the upbeat, rock-edged song AJ was currently singing. If she focused long enough, she could forget about those dreams in which he told her he loved her, that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her and Jordan. When he’d kiss her, she would feel as though she were floating again, and, on waking, she would hate herself. She did hate herself. If she’d never left him in the first place…No. Regan shook her head. She wasn’t going there. She had to leave him because there was no future there. Who knew how many times he’d told other women that he loved them? Maybe he told every woman he slept with that he loved her. If she believed him, then she really did need a reality check.

Oh, but how she wished that every word he’d spoken were true. That she could go back to him and start a new life. But she couldn’t. Life came first, and, in real life, pop stars did not spend their lives with law enforcement agents. Both of them had demanding lives, and the only way they’d even been able to spend all that time together during the case had been because they’d lived in the same house. Real life had arrived, though, and she…

She was still thinking about him, Regan realized. Because she had loved him—still loved him, she corrected herself. She had to tell herself the truth or she’d never get over him. But she couldn’t go back. And, as far as she was concerned, that was that.

Sighing, she stood and, walking over to the stereo, turned it off. She took the CD out and, putting it back in its case, she put it with its album jacket and shut the drawer on it. She wouldn’t take it out again, she decided. There had to be a line between pathetic and pining, and she was not going to even get close enough to toe that line.

Looking up at the clock, she noted that Jordan would be home soon, which meant that she had to start dinner soon. And call a certain someone, she reminded herself as she picked up the phone.

“Hello?”

“Thanks for the present, Dorough.”

“Regan!” Howie sounded delighted.

Regan couldn’t help but smile. Damn it, she did miss the guys. “The one and only.”

“It’s good to hear from you! How are you? How’s Jordan? How’s life in general?”

She laughed. “I’m fine, Jordan’s great, and life’s alright.”

“It could be better, you know,” Howie said quietly.

She sighed. “Howie, I’d really like to not go over that, right now.”

“He’s a mess, Regan.”

“No, he’s not,” she stated firmly. “He just released his solo album, he’s on top of the world. I’m the furthest thing from his mind.”

Howie sighed and shook his head on the other end of the line. How could such a smart woman be so stubborn? he wondered.

“So, I got the delivery you sent me,” she continued. “I listened to it. Well, almost all of it,” she admitted.

“Yeah?” He was surprised she hadn’t chucked it out the window.

“Yeah,” she sighed. “It’s good. I’m proud of him, and I think it’s going to be a hit.”

“I hear a but.”

Regan sighed again. “I put it away because I need to get over this, Howie. I can’t and won’t keep putting myself through an emotional wringer over this. I’m moving on with my life.”

“Are you, really?”

“Yes. Yes, I am.” She blew out a breath. “Howie, I’m grateful you thought it would be important for me to have his work, but, the fact is, whatever you’re expecting to happen down the line will not happen.”

“Meaning?”

“Are you trying to make this difficult for me?”

“Like I said, he’s a mess. If you’re not, then I guess I underestimated your feelings for him,” Howie murmured.

She squeezed her eyes shut. “I felt a lot for him, Howie. However, I’m not going to listen to the album and, hearing his voice, decide that I can’t live without him. I’m not going to fly across the country to go after him because we—are—done. End of story, Howie.”

“So that’s that?”

“Yeah, that’s that. I care about all of you, Howie, so I’d love to be friends still, but I just can’t be with AJ.”

There was a long silence, and Regan held her breath. “Okay. I love AJ, and I’ve come to love you, too. So whatever happens, I’ll back out of trying to help get you two back together. I promise.”

“Thanks, Howie.” She smiled. “I love you, too.”

“Good.” There was a wailing sound in the background. “Listen, I’d love to chat, but Ryan’s decided it’s time to wake up, so I gotta get going.”

“Aww, domestic Howie. How adorable,” Regan cooed. “Give him a kiss for me, and say hi to Liv, too.”

“I’ll do that. Take care of yourself and tell Jordan I said hey, too,” Howie told her.

“Okay.”

“Goodbye, Regan.”

“Goodbye, Howie.”

Setting the phone back into its receiver, she stared out the window at the patch of lawn she had, not really seeing it. She’d lied to Howie because she’d never get over AJ. She loved him, and that love was showing no signs of disappearing any time soon. No matter how hard she tried.

***

Sienna opened the door to Dr. Lewis’ office and stepped through, Brian following her at a safe distance. This was it, she thought and steeled herself as she walked up to the receptionist’s desk.

Brian looked around at the tastefully decorated waiting area, which was completely empty, and settled into a cushy chair. He watched Sienna twist her wedding ring around and around on her finger as she spoke to the woman behind the desk. He could see the strain on her face, in the laugh she gave the other woman, and in the look she gave him as she made her way towards him. She sat in a chair one over from him, and he tried to ignore the barb that action shot into him. He knew she was still wary of him, but he hoped that today would begin to slowly change that.

“Dr. Lewis is almost done with her patient,” Sienna explained, staring hard at her hands, unable to look up at him.

Brian nodded. “No problem.” When she continued to gaze at her hands, he sighed. “Baby, it’s going to be okay. I promise, there is nothing to worry about.”

She looked up at him, hazel eyes tinged with sadness. “I wish there wasn’t, Brian. But you’ve never had to hear this before. I don’t want this to hurt you.”

It already does, he thought. “I’m tougher than you think,” he told her. “I’ll be okay, and we’re not here for me. We’re here for you.”

Whatever she had been about to say, Brian would never know because the receptionist called out to them.

“Mr. and Mrs. Littrell, you can go on in. Dr. Lewis is ready for you.”

Thanking her, they made their way down the short hallway to the therapist’s office. As they stepped in, Brian took in the quiet, comfortably decorated room. One wall was lined with bookshelves full of thick, important-looking texts, while the opposite wall was decorated with scenic paintings. The room smelled faintly of vanilla, and he could see a flock of geese settled on the lawn outside the lone, bay window set in the far wall.

Taking it all in, he looked at the woman gesturing Sienna into a seat. Dr. Lewis had short, brown hair that settled on her very competent-seeming shoulders, and her direct, blue eyes had focused on him.

“Hello, Brian,” she greeted him, holding out a hand. “I’m glad you could make it today.”

Brian shook her hand. “It wasn’t a problem. I’d do anything for Sienna, whatever it takes to help her.”

Dr. Lewis smiled. “That’s wonderful to hear. Why don’t the two of you have a seat?”

They nodded and settled into two of the three armchairs set in a circle in front of a large, mahogany desk. The therapist lifted a notepad from her desk and settled into the empty chair. She turned to look at Brian, humor making her blue eyes twinkle.

“Before we start, I have to tell you, Brian, I didn’t think I’d ever meet you,” she began. “And I’m definitely going to sound like a crazed fan, but you and the other Boys have always been one of my favorite artists. So I’m really excited that you’re here, even under the circumstances.”

Sienna couldn’t help but laugh at the surprised look on Brian’s face. “I don’t think he expected you to be a fan,” she told Dr. Lewis.

The other woman chuckled. “No, but surely you must know that you have fans in all shapes, sizes, and occupations?” she asked him.

The surprised look disappearing, Brian grinned. “I should, shouldn’t I? In fourteen years of performing, almost nothing surprises me anymore. But you managed to do it!” He shook his head. “Well, I’m glad you weren’t an *N Sync fan. We’d be doomed then.”

“No, of course not,” Dr. Lewis assured him. Her demeanor became more professional then, and she turned to Sienna, a serious look on her face now. “Well, let’s just get started, shall we? Sienna, you know what’s going to happen, so let me explain how we do these sessions to Brian.” She turned to him. “Sienna’s going to recount her experiences—everything that happened from the moment she and your children were kidnapped to the end. It will get difficult at points, but you cannot stop her. It may hurt, but you need to let her get it all out. If at any point it gets to be too much, step out into the hall, but don’t interrupt her retelling. There’ll be time for questions afterwards. Is that clear enough?”

Brian took a deep breath. “Yeah.” He nodded. “I understand. Let’s just get this started.”

Dr. Lewis nodded. “Okay, Sienna. You know what I’m going to ask you, so…”

“So I’ll start,” Sienna finished. “Okay.” Deep breath. “AJ was over that day, and we were sitting in the sunroom, watching the babies as they started to fall asleep. I had taken the day off for Brian’s birthday, my own personal celebration. I decided to take a nap, and the next thing I knew, I heard glass shattering…”

Brian listened and tried not to let his inward cringes show. As she talked about how Scott had left her and their children with no food, he had to stop his fists from clenching. He couldn’t show outward emotion, he was sure, because it would distract Sienna. So, he kept it on the inside.

Unfortunately, when her voice wavered as she slowly made her way through the first time Scott had blackened her eye and forced himself upon her, he could feel his heart break again. And again. He hadn’t been able to protect her, was all he could think. He’d gone off to sing, knowing there was a lunatic threatening his family, and he’d left her open to harm. Everything that had happened was his fault, too. No matter what anyone told him, he knew he would always partially blame himself for her nightmarish experiences.

Sienna could feel the pressure building up, the phantom pain beginning, and knew she’d break apart soon. It always happened, so why would this time, even with Brian there, be any different?

She squeezed her eyes shut as she tried to keep her voice steady. “He was going to kill the twins because he knew that I’d somehow gotten a message to Brian about who had taken us…” her voice trailed off.

“Sienna, keep going,” Dr. Lewis gently urged her.

Eyes still shut, Sienna nodded, her head bent and her body curling up as if she were cringing against the next blow. Brian desperately wanted to take her into his arms and knew that would never work.

“I knew I had to stop him, so I…I told him that, if he sent the twins back, we would definitely be able to be alone then and escape more easily, even if people knew who he was. He agreed to send them back, but, that night, he…oh, God…he was…” her voice turned into a moaning sound. “I can’t, I can’t,” she moaned as she rocked herself. “I couldn’t stop it…” And she dissolved into tears as the sobs wracked her body.

Unable to stand it, Brian stood and, ignoring Dr. Lewis’ protests, went to gather her into his arms. The second his hands gently gripped her arms, Sienna stiffened. She looked up at him, and Brian felt fear slide icily down his spine. There was something wrong, and the fury in her eyes was something he’d never seen before. Before he could let go, she’d wrenched herself out of his hold, slapping a hand across his face. He registered the blow and the sting on his cheek but was more shocked by the wrath he saw on her face.

She didn’t see Brian, she saw Scott. She saw the blond hair, the evil brown eyes, and that smirk that had always appeared on his face after he finished with her. The fury bubbling through her now was what she’d lacked in the past, but she could lash out at him now.

“Don’t you dare touch me! I hate you for doing this to me! I hate myself for ever having been with you, so you could turn it on me later! I hate that I let you touch me and never fought back! Did you enjoy yourself? Do you get your kicks out of harming the innocent?”

This was a Sienna Brian had never seen before, and, as each word she spat at him was a knife in the heart, he took a step back. The fury was boiling out of her and not even Dr. Lewis could stop it. It had to run its course, and Brian let it hit him repeatedly.

“I hate you, I hate you,” Sienna repeated, her voice faltering now and tears spilling down her cheeks. “I hate you for doing this to me…” Her voice trailed off, and she sank to the carpeted floor, weeping heart-wrenchingly.

Brian didn’t know what to do. He couldn’t hold her because he was terrified now. From the look on the therapist’s face, this was something she hadn’t expected, and he was deathly afraid he’d set his wife back several miles on her road to recovery.

“Brian,” Dr. Lewis placed a hand on his arm. “Could you step out in the hall for a bit? Please.”

He helplessly watched Sienna then turned to look into the doctor’s concerned eyes. “Okay,” he whispered.

Closing the door behind him, he leaned against the wall and slid to the floor, burying his face in his hands. What had he done? He’d wanted to stop her tears, but her reaction hadn’t been the usual fear. This reaction had terrified the hell out of him because he’d never seen her fury in the five years they’d known each other. Sure, she’d gotten angry before, but this was something different. This rage had shot daggers at him from her eyes.

He lifted a hand to his face where the sting from her blow was beginning to make itself known. When he pulled his hand away from his cheek, he found blood on it. Surprised, he wondered if maybe her nails had scratched at it. Not caring about his shirt, he rubbed his sleeve across his face and watched as large patches of blood stained the shirt.

Realizing that something had changed—for the worst—in the therapist’s office, he began to tremble. Somehow, he knew that whatever had happened before today hadn’t affected his relationship with Sienna as today would. The prospect terrified him, but he was unable to think about it further because the door to the office opened, and Dr. Lewis stepped into the hall.

Kneeling next to him, she gave him a grim smile. “You’ll need proper bandages for your face, Brian.” She sighed. “What happened in there…I don’t think I’ll know the results of it until the next session.”

“She thought I was Scott.”

“Yes, she did. She was finally able to fight back, so I’m hoping this will be a step forward. She was able to face her fear and stand up to it. I’m sorry you got caught in the cross-fire.”

He shook his head. “It doesn’t matter. If it helped for her to be able to fight back using me, that’s fine. I’m just afraid that this will change something in our marriage—and not for the better.”

Dr. Lewis sighed again. “That will be something the two of you will have to weather on your own.” She patted his shoulder. “I think you can help each other through this, though. You’ve already helped her, you know. Especially today.”

“I hope so,” he whispered.

Dr. Lewis stood. “I don’t think it’s a good idea for the two of you to go home in the same car, so I called Mrs. Olivia Dorough. She’s coming to pick Sienna up, and you should probably go get those scratches tended to.”

“Yeah,” he murmured, feeling the blood sticky on his face. “I guess I’ll see you at another session then?”

“I’ll let you know if we need it,” she assured him.

He nodded. “It was a pleasure meeting you. Even under the circumstances.” He glanced back at the closed door that hid Sienna from him. “I hope I can figure out how to help her.”

“You can.”

He nodded again and headed out of the office. He really hoped that being able to lash out at him helped Sienna get past part of her fear because he knew that, if it pushed her recovery back, he’d never forgive himself.

“Ouch.”

Brian didn’t bother to look over as Nick slid into a chair next to him. “Shut up, Nick.”

“And touchy, too.” Nick tsked a little. “I’m telling you, that Kara. She’s got a mean left jab like you wouldn’t believe.”

“That looks like somebody scratched his face to hell, Nicky,” AJ corrected him, settling in at a chair across the table from the other two. He peered at Brian’s cheek. “So, what happened?”

Brian glared at the other two. “Nothing. Drop it.”

“Drop what?” Kevin sat next to AJ. “Oh, wow.” He whistled lightly. “That’s quite the fight you must have gotten into, Bri. What happened?”

Brian let out a frustrated sound. “Look, can we just drop whatever happened to my face? We’re not here to talk about my face, we’re talking about our tour. Where the hell is D?”

The other men exchanged worried glances as Brian walked to the door to search for Howie. Brian was edgier than they’d ever seen him before, and they’d all seen each other at their lowest. This, though, was new and more worrisome because they knew Brian was still dealing with Sienna’s return and the fact that she’d been sexually abused. The fact that he wasn’t talking about the mysterious, red slash marks across his cheek was troubling because he would normally have told them anything that would have gone wrong.

He knew they were thinking about him. Brian paced outside the office that they were meeting in to discuss their impending tour. He knew they were worried about the painful marks that were still visible on his face. The therapist appointment had been a week ago, and, even with Mac’s doctoring, the scratches continued to sting and were bright red. They’d been covered by a bandage, but he’d taken it off after feeling ridiculous wearing a giant, white bandage on his face.

He hadn’t been able to see Sienna in the past week as she had stopped eating dinner with him and would leave the house at ungodly hours in the morning to go to the shop. When she was home, she’d take care of the children if he weren’t around, which was rarely. She was avoiding him like the plague, and he was getting tired of it. He loved her, but he knew they weren’t supposed to avoid each other, either. Knowing that if he didn’t get out of the house, he’d go crazy from the tension, he’d called the other guys and arranged for a meeting to discuss their tour.

Which was why he was in LA—across the country from his problems. Because AJ’s promotion schedule had him in LA, the other guys had decided to meet up there. So, he would have to face them now, Brian thought. And he’d have to deflect and evade all their questions. Much as he loved them and knew they’d do anything for him, he couldn’t tell them. He just…couldn’t.

“Brian?”

He whirled around to find Howie watching him with concern clearly etched across his features.

“Howie! You’re late! You were supposed to be here twenty minutes ago!” He couldn’t stop himself from sounding testy and tried to control the impatience he was constantly feeling.

Howie raised a brow. “How do the scratches feel?”

Of course, Howie knew about the “incident”. Sienna had told Liv what had happened, Liv had told Howie, and Howie had come over immediately to make sure Brian had been okay. Of course, he wasn’t okay, but he hadn’t been able to tell Howie that. He didn’t want them worrying about him when he was already worried enough for all of them. Nevertheless, Howie did know, and Brian didn’t want to chance the rest of the guys finding out. He wasn’t sure he could handle the sympathy.

“Look, I didn’t tell the other guys what happened, and I don’t want to worry them, so if we could just keep this between the two of us, that would be great,” Brian replied.

“It’s not fair to them, Bri.”

Brian stopped, his hand on the doorknob, and looked over at Howie. “Right now, life isn’t exactly fair, D. I’ve given up on how to make things any better and placed all my trust in God to get my family through this. I just can’t drag y’all into this, too. Please, try to understand.”

Howie contemplated this for a moment, knowing that Brian was in more pain than he let on. Finally, he nodded. “Okay. I won’t bring it up. I promise.”

Brian managed a half smile. “Thanks, D. It means a lot.”

“No problem.”

Brian pushed open the door and pasted his usual smile across his face. “Look who I found in the hallway!”

Howie followed him into the room and, greeting the other guys, slid into a chair across from Kevin, on Brian’s other side. He noted the glances the others sent in Brian’s direction, worry obvious in them. He shrugged when they silently asked him if he knew what was going on. He’d promised Brian, after all.

“So,” Brian sat. “I called this meeting because we have a tour that should have started a week and a half ago. What happened to it?”

Kevin leaned forward. “We postponed it.”

“Because of the kidnapping,” Brian guessed, and the others nodded. “Okay, well, that’s over now. What are y’all planning on doing now?”

AJ frowned. “What do you mean ‘y’all’? You’re part of the group, too. We make these decisions together, B.”

“I know,” Brian began. “But I think we’re going to have to work out a different plan with this tour.”

Howie felt alarmed. What was Brian about to suggest?

“Well, while the investigation was still open, we discussed postponing the tour until the end of May. At which point, we would have our shows at the same venues, in more or less the same order unless something didn’t work out. Then, those shows would simply be tacked onto the end of the tour or possibly canceled,” Kevin explained. “I think WEG worked out the new schedule already, and it’s on the official website, too,” he added.

“I see.” Brian looked around at the rest of them. “And if I was still not ready to leave my family alone? After all, the end of May would only give me a month and a half with them.”

Nick spoke up then. “We figured that if you weren’t ready, we’d just postpone it until you were. It’s all for one and one for all, Brian. You know that.”

“How long did you plan on postponing the tour?”

AJ was beginning to feel nervous now. “As long as you needed. Realistically, we know you can’t postpone forever, but we’re willing to be flexible.”

Brian nodded. “Could flexible mean beginning the newly scheduled tour and finishing it?” He paused. “Without me?”

All four pairs of eyes glued themselves to him as all four pairs of eyebrows shot up.

“What the hell…?” AJ couldn’t ask the question. Was hoping they’d heard wrong.

“You heard me, fellas,” Brian reassured them. “I think we should have the tour as it is now, but you should do it without me. I can’t leave, right now. Until everything with my wife is resolved, until she stops having nightmares, I will not and cannot leave. End of story.”

“Brian, do you really think we could do a whole tour without you? I mean, yeah, we can do a show here and there without one of us, but a whole tour?!” Kevin shook his head. “Fuck no.”

Brian stood. “Look, we can’t push this tour back indefinitely. We’re losing money this way”

“Fuck money!” AJ stood, too. “Do you think money really matters as much as us being together does?”

“Guys,” Brian began but was cut off.

“I’ve gotta side with them, Bri,” Nick told him. “We won’t postpone the tour if you don’t come with us. We’ll cancel the whole thing. Right?” He glanced around at the others for support.

Howie nodded. “We don’t need to do the tour. As it stands, we’ve let a lot of time go between the album release and this tour. We might just be better off letting it go and recording the next album as planned, starting in July. Do you think you could join us for that, Brian?”

Brian hated disappointing them. Hated that look he could see in their eyes as he let them down, but he couldn’t leave Sienna and the kids. Not when everything was on such precarious grounds.

“I feel like I’m walking a tightrope,” he murmured, slumping down in his chair. “I don’t want to let you down, but I can’t leave my family, either. You have to understand that.”

“We do,” Kevin said gently. “I think Howie’s got a great idea. Our fans might not be thrilled, initially, but they’ll support us if we come clean as to why we want to cancel the tour. Plus, the prospect of another album might do wonders to change their minds.” He smiled a little.

“Yeah,” AJ said slowly. “I hate to be self-centered and all, but, if we cancel the tour, I might be able to promote my album more.”

Brian nodded. “It would, wouldn’t it? That would be really good for you. Congratulations, by the way. I heard it hit number seven after this past week.”

AJ grinned. “Awesome, isn’t it? First week out, and it’s hit in the top ten! So, yeah, canceling the tour would be okay in my book. Anyone else?”

Howie shrugged. Nick looked over at Kevin, then sighed. “Yeah, it wouldn’t be a bad idea. I’ve been wanting to experiment some more with a couple new artists on my label. So, what the hell, let’s cancel. Kevin?”

“Y’all want to get rid of the tour, so let’s get rid of it. I wouldn’t mind more family time, either. I love what we do, but we have to put ourselves first, too.” He sighed. “But damn. It’s going to be a nightmare to explain to Johnny, Jive, and the world.”

“We can do it,” Nick declared, and the others agreed.

AJ patted Brian’s shoulder. “See? Everything’s going to work out. It usually does in the end.”

Brian smiled a little. He really did hope so because he wasn’t sure if he could handle the tension in his home for too much longer.

As Kevin began to divide the list of people they needed to contact in order to officially cancel the tour, Brian’s cell phone beeped. When he glanced down at the caller ID, his heart sped up.

“Guys,” he stood. “I gotta take this. I’ll be back in a bit.” When they nodded, he slipped out into the hall and flipped open the phone.

“Hello?”

***

Sienna stroked her fingers over Serena’s curls as the little girl napped in her crib, her siblings sleeping peacefully in their own cribs. The sunlight was streaming in through the half-closed blinds, and the silence was…Scary, she thought.

It reminded her of the afternoon she and her children had been kidnapped. Everything was almost exactly the same, the sunlight, the quiet was almost identical to that idyllic scene that had gone so horribly wrong. Now, she was standing in the room where her children were napping, the door to the nursery was locked, and she was still afraid that someone could swoop in through the window and take them again.

Which was ridiculous, Sienna scolded herself. Hadn’t Brian installed a ridiculously thorough system, complete with security cameras and guard that had been set up in a newly built booth situated by the back gate where he’d be less conspicuous? At the time, she had thought that she would be okay with only a new system, but, now, with Brian gone, she was freaking out.

And where had her husband gone off to? Sienna wondered. He had left her a note on the refrigerator the previous morning that had basically told her that he’d be gone for a couple days and to call his cell if she needed anything. She couldn’t blame him for being a little distant, Sienna knew. After all, she’d wrecked his beautiful face, hadn’t she? She hadn’t actually seen it face to face during the day, but she had sneaked into his room while he’d been sleeping. What she’d seen had shocked, appalled, and shamed her. She’d hurt her husband when all he’d wanted to do was help her heal, and the shame continued to burn in her.

She’d tried to think of what had happened in Dr. Lewis’ office that day, one week ago. She’d been rehashing what had happened the day Scott had discovered that she’d sent Brian a message, and the usual pain had struck her. When she’d felt his hands touch her, she’d frozen. Looking up at him, she hadn’t seen Brian, she’d seen Scott. It was irrational to her now, though Dr. Lewis kept insisting that it was good that she’d seen her fear and relived it. That she’d fought it this time instead of letting herself be defeated.

And talk about fighting it, she thought now, as she settled into a rocking chair to stare out the window at her gardens. She’d physically slapped back at Scott and, in the process, mangled her husband’s left cheek. He’d bled profusely, and she’d seen the shirt covered with his blood in the trashcan in the laundry room. Seeing it had shamed her to no end, and she’d avoided him ever since. She’d told Livvy what had happened, of course, so Howie had come over to talk to Brian. She didn’t know the result of that discussion, but Brian hadn’t approached her in the past week, so she was figuring that he was wary of her now.

If only she could change it. If only she could go all the way back to the twentieth of February and be more careful. She could make sure that everything was secure, that the back gate’s combination was working properly, that all the alarms on the doors and windows were working properly. If only, Sienna thought and, closing her eyes, let the sunlight play across her face.

The light was warm, and she let herself drift in the feeling of being safe, content for the moment. Her children were dozing peacefully, and her world was at rest. When the tinkling sound reached her ears, she imagined it was the wind chimes she had hung up outside and listened to their music.

Which was why the smothering sensation surprised her. The darkness was no longer warm but cold, suffocating. She couldn’t breathe, and a sickly sweet smell was permeating her senses, making her feel dizzy, lightheaded. Her arms and legs felt heavy, and weakness was seeping into her, preventing her from fighting back. Oh God, not again, she managed to think before everything fell apart.

Sienna woke gasping for air and drenched in cold sweat. She looked around at the nursery and, rushing over to the cribs, ran her hands over her children to reassure herself that they were safe. When she’d convinced herself they were fine, she dashed through the house, making sure everything was locked. As a final check, she called the security guard and made sure that nothing was wrong with the cameras.

“No, ma’am,” he assured her. “I’ve been watching them all day, and everything’s fine. I promise I’ll let you know the instant something is wrong.”

“Okay, thank you,” Sienna murmured and hung up.

She paced the kitchen still feeling too wound up to settle down. Why did she have Saturdays off anyway? If she were at work, she wouldn’t be worrying about any of this. Of course, she wouldn’t be with her children, either, she reminded herself and headed back up to the nursery to check on them.

On the way up, she eyed the telephone sitting on a table in the foyer. Should she call Livvy? No, she shook the idea off as soon as she’d thought it. Liv had been her rock more times than she could count in the past few weeks, and she had a baby to care for on top of everything. She couldn’t impose on Liv again.

When the realization came to her that the person she really needed to hear was the one person she knew she could always count on, she was surprised at herself. How had her instincts gone from “No Man” to “I need to hear his voice, let him comfort me”? Hadn’t she hurt him? How could she face him, knowing that, even if he were with her, she might not be able to let him hold her? Whatever happened, she knew she needed to just feel close to him again.

Without giving herself a chance to rethink it, Sienna grabbed the telephone and dialed the number.

***

Brian rested his forehead against the wall and listened to the voice on the other end. What was going on? he couldn’t help but think. All of a sudden, their relationship had gone from no communication to her calling him for help, for comfort. Of course, despite the events of the past few months, he’d always help her. Unconditionally. Because that’s the way he was. Fiercely loyal and unbelievably generous with his heart.

“I’ll be there as soon as I can,” he promised.

There was a tiny sigh of relief. “Thanks, Brian. I love you,” she told him, the smile detectable in her words.

He couldn’t help but smile, too. “Yeah, you better!” he joked. “I love you, too. I’ll be there. I promise.”

Hanging up, he stood for a moment, absorbing the sheer madness of the past week. He’d been witness to Sienna’s horrible pain, a pain which had lashed out at him, unknowingly. Since then, she’d avoided him, and he’d made no move to seek her out, either. Then, he’d left for LA, leaving her a note saying to call him if she needed anything. To end the week of personal surprises, the phone call was a welcome one. Just goes to show God can do anything He wants, he reminded himself.

Brian pushed open the door to the conference room again and strode in to find all four men on their cell phones. They were busy trying to arrange a way to cancel every show on the tour, and he felt ashamed that he was forcing them to put their dreams aside for his happiness. He knew they loved him and truly didn’t mind, but…still.

Kevin hung up first and looked over at his cousin, a questioning look in his eyes.

“I have to go, guys,” Brian began.

The other three glanced over at him now.

“Where?” Nick wondered. “Who called?”

Brian sighed. “You’ll never guess.”

“Who?” Howie asked again.

Brian looked down at the cell phone in his hand then up at his brothers.

“Kelly. She’s in the hospital. She wouldn’t tell me why, but she said it was important that I come. So, I have to go.”

***

Sienna waited impatiently after hitting the button to open the front gate. A car careened up the drive and parked sloppily next to her own. The driver emerged, and, unable to wait, she opened the door and hurried out.

“Sienna! What’s going on?”

He was worried, she knew. He’d always worry about her, and it couldn’t be helped. Cousin or not, he was the brother of her heart. She didn’t feel afraid as she rushed towards him, nor did she feel alarm as his arms enveloped her in a hug.

“Shane. Thank God, you’re here.”

Brian hurried into the Cedars-Sinai CCC, not really noticing any other signs in the hospital except the one for the receptionist. Turning down a corridor, he found the front desk and hurried up to it.

“Hi,” he greeted the receptionist, an older woman with graying hair and tired brown eyes. “I’m here to see a patient. Kelly Monaco,” he added, anticipating the woman’s question.

She pressed a few buttons on her keyboard and frowned at the computer screen. “I’m sorry,” she began, looking back up at him. “But only family is allowed up to see Ms. Monaco at the moment. The patient’s requested privacy.”

“He’s family,” a woman’s voice spoke behind him.

He turned around to find himself facing a striking woman in her late twenties, dressed in torn jeans and black tank top. Who? he couldn’t stop himself from thinking.

She turned to the receptionist. “It’s alright, he’s welcome to come up,” she reassured the woman in a soft British accented voice. Turning back to Brian, she gestured him towards the bank of elevators. “Come on. Kelly’s been waiting.”

Brian followed her wordlessly, and they piled into the first elevator that showed up. On the ride up to the fifth floor, he couldn’t help but begin to worry about what could possibly be wrong with Kelly. Her privacy was being well-protected, but why? What could be so wrong?

As the elevator doors opened and they stepped out, the woman turned to him. “Do you know why Kelly’s here?”

He shook his head, and she frowned. “Okay, well, then. She’s in room 524, just down that hallway.”

Nodding slightly, he followed the hallway she’d pointed him down. When he reached 524, bracing himself for the worst, he pushed open the door and stepped in.

The first thing that hit him was the hospital smell. He hated it because it always smelled like death, and it would always remind him of his own hospital time. Trying not to dwell on it too long, his gaze shifted from the room’s furnishings to the woman propped up in the bed.

Her eyes were shut, and Brian could see a catheter on the back of her hand, an IV tube hooked to it at one end, to a bag of clear liquid at the other. Machines around her beeped along, keeping track of her heart rate, among other vital signs. She’d lost weight since the last time he’d seen her. Her skin was pale, nearly translucent, and there were dark circles beneath her eyes. But what struck him the most was her dark hair, once thick and flowing to her shoulders, had been chopped short and seemed thinner than he remembered. What was going on?

“Brian?” Her eyes fluttered open.

He gave her a big smile and moved to perch on the bed next to her. “Hey,” he greeted her gently. “How are you feeling?”

She gave him a small smile. “Not so great.” She paused. “I know you want to know why I’m here. Why I look like this.” She gestured to herself.

He held her hand and gave it a comforting squeeze. “I do,” he admitted. “What’s going on, Kelly?”

She clutched at his hand. “Promise me you won’t get angry that I didn’t tell you,” she whispered.

The confusion grew. “Honey, I could never be mad at you. I promise. Tell me what’s wrong.”

She sighed. “Do you remember how I told you that I’d miscarried my baby?” At his nod, she continued. “The doctor ran some tests to find out what had gone wrong, and she discovered that I had cervical cancer that had spread and disrupted the pregnancy.” At his alarmed expression, she squeezed his hand. “I hadn’t had a pap smear done in a while, Bri, so it was partly my fault that it hadn’t been caught sooner. Since then, they removed the majority of my, well, my system. Which is why I can’t have children,” she explained quickly.

Brian nodded, remembering that Sienna had gone through the same procedure at around the same time Kelly must have. “Okay,” he said. “But if they stopped the cancer then, what are you…unless they didn’t stop it,” he realized.

Kelly gave him another small smile. “I went back a couple weeks later because I hadn’t been feeling well, and they found that the cancerous cells had gotten into my bone marrow. The doctors still aren’t sure when or how that happened, but it had turned into leukemia. It wasn’t too bad. In the beginning. I had chemotherapy, lost some weight when I vomited, had ridiculous amounts of medicines tossed into me, and tried to keep going with my life.” She sighed. “It was working really well, until the days before I left your house.”

“That’s why you were in bed!” Brian remembered. “You weren’t feeling well. It was the leukemia, wasn’t it?”

She nodded. “The meds had stopped working, and, since I left Lexington, I’ve been here.” She tugged at her short locks. “Losing my hair, among other things.”

She had leukemia and hadn’t told him the entire time she had been staying with him, taking care of him, helping in the little things he’d needed help with during the kidnapping nightmare. When she should have been taking care of her health, she had put it aside for him. Brian couldn’t help but feel torn between hurt over the fact that she hadn’t told him, anger that she’d let herself worsen when she should’ve been taking care of her herself, and worry that things were obviously not good at the moment. Knowing that heaping the anger and hurt on her wouldn’t be fair in the current situation, he stuck with the worry.

“How bad is it? And don’t hide anything this time,” he warned her.

Kelly looked down at their linked hands. “It’s bad. I’m afraid that I…Brian, I’m afraid I won’t leave here. Alive, anyway,” she whispered.

When she looked back up at him, he could see the fatigue, the pain, and the tears shining in her eyes. She couldn’t die, he thought fiercely. He wasn’t going to lose her, but he was terrified all the same.

“The doctors are going to keep you alive, Kelly. We just have to keep praying, and God will hear those prayers,” he added firmly. “Oh man, how was I so stupid?” he murmured, realizing something. “I can’t believe I didn’t figure it out when I got to the hospital. Cedars-Sinai Comprehensive Cancer Center. Listen,” he looked into her eyes. “This place specializes in helping people get rid of cancer. We just have to trust God and your doctors, and, before you know it, you’ll be in remission.”

Kelly tried to smile, but she couldn’t quite stop the tears from falling and buried her face in her hands.

“Baby,” he murmured and, leaning forward, held her as she wept fearful tears.

***

Shane was trying to understand and failing miserably. “So, you’re not afraid of me touching you? Like, I can hug you, now, and you won’t freak out?” When she nodded, he frowned. “But Brian still scares you? Si, how the hell does that make sense?!”

Sienna frowned at the cookie she was eating. She still didn’t understand what was keeping her from reaching for Brian when everything was back to normal between her and Shane. It would have made perfect sense if she had been wary of Shane and okay with Brian, but this just didn’t make sense.

“I don’t know, Shane,” she murmured. “It’s like, if I even think about reaching for Brian, my mind turns off, and I start freaking out. He’s usually not even there when that happens! I don’t understand what’s wrong with me.” She sighed unhappily.

Shane reached over and held her hand. “Si, you should talk to your therapist. She’ll know more about why you’re able to get physically close to me and not Brian. And why you called me instead of your husband when you were scared,” he added.

She turned her hand over so their fingers linked. “I know. I’ll call Dr. Lewis tomorrow,” she assured him. “I called you because you know me inside and out. You know what’s going through my mind before I do.”

“Only because I’ve known you since we were babies. You’re my sister, and one of my best friends. Heck, if you were a man, I’d ask you to be my best man at the wedding,” he told her with a grin.

“That’s right!” She lit up. “Your wedding’s coming up! I’m so excited for you and Marlena! You’re going to be so happy together, and I can say, ‘Yes, ladies and gentlemen, ‘twas I that brought them together’.” She grinned at him. “I’m glad you picked Marlena and not one of those Irish floozies from the pubs who were posing for you all the time.”

He tweaked her nose. “Some of them were not floozies. Sinead was a U of Dublin graduate, you know. She could talk about James Joyce anytime at all.” He wiggled his brows. “And when I mean anytime, I mean anytime.”

Sienna smacked him. “Shut up! I do not need to hear about sex with the Irish floozies.” But she couldn’t help but laugh with him.

It felt good to be back to normal with Shane. All her life, he’d been there for her like no one else had truly been able to. Liv was her best friend, the woman she could share everything with, but Shane had been her rock from the time when they hadn’t even known how to talk. Being terrified of him had been horrible because she hadn’t been able to reach out to him and let him comfort her.

“What are you thinking?”

“Hmm?” She looked over at him. “Oh, nothing. Just that I’m glad we’re back on the same level again. I’d missed you.”

“I missed you, too,” he told her. “Knowing that, that…well, the word ‘man’ is too good for what he was. That beast. Knowing what that beast did to you and not being able to talk to you was awful. But we’re going to be okay now.” He squeezed her hand reassuringly. “Everything is going to start to get better now.”

Sienna nodded at him, but she couldn’t help wondering if things were ever going to be completely back to normal between her and Brian. She loved him and knew he loved her, but, no matter how much she believed in the power of love to conquer all, she was no longer certain that everything could be fixed with love.

“Yeah, everything’s going to be better now.”

***

“What about a bone marrow transplant?” Brian asked after Kelly’s weeping had subsided.

Wiping the tears off her cheeks, she sighed. “They think that’s the next route to try. Of course, I haven’t even told my family yet that I’m here. That I have leukemia,” she admitted.

His brows shot up. “Kelly! What the hell were you thinking? Why didn’t you tell them, tell anyone?”

“Because I wasn’t ready to accept it myself,” she told him, looking him dead in the eye with determination gleaming in her eyes. “There are people that do know what’s going on. The team over at ABC knows what’s happening, which is why this is all being kept hushed up so well. I just didn’t want to deal with everyone else’s worry until I could deal with what’s happening to me first. Please, Brian, can you understand that?”

He was trying to. Brian remembered how he’d fought the doctors’ diagnosis nearly ten years earlier, terrified to believe that he could die. He’d kept everything from the other guys, from his family for as long as he could. When Leighanne had given her ultimatum, he had, out of love for her and fear of losing her in what may have been his last moments, let his family and the world in on the secret. So, did he understand what Kelly’s dilemma was? He had to admit that he did.

He gave her a smile, knowing she needed support, not condemnation. “Yeah, I can understand that,” he assured her. “But when are you planning on telling your family, so they can start getting tested to see if they could be donors?”

“They’re flying out here tomorrow,” she told him. “Lia called them, arranged for tickets for them, and told them it was important that I come. I would have called, but I was having trouble staying awake the last couple days.”

“Why?”

She sighed again. “It turns out that I’m anemic now. The chemotherapy combined with the leukemia itself are mutating the new red blood cells that are being produced in my bone marrow and deforming them. Because of this, they’re able to carry less oxygen throughout my body, so I feel more tired than usual,” she explained.

Hearing her talk was like listening to an anatomy textbook, he thought. But, God, she was sicker than he could have imagined, and he couldn’t imagine anything happening to her. Because it won’t, he reminded himself.

“So, who’s Lia?” Brian asked, trying to get off the subject of her health for a moment.

Kelly seemed surprised at the change of topic. “Uh, I think you met her earlier. I sent her down to wait for you because only family’s allowed up here.”

He remembered. “Oh! Okay, got it. What is she, your assistant?”

Kelly’s reaction was not what he’d expected as she burst out laughing. “Oh gosh,” she chuckled. “Lia? My assistant? If she heard that, she’d probably be really offended. Lord, Bri, she’s not my assistant. Lia’s been like my sister for the last ten years. She and I have been like you and Nick for the longest time.”

“Oh.” He didn’t know what else to say. “Um, then I guess it’s good that she’s here to take care of you.”

Kelly nodded. “Yeah. I don’t know what I’d do without her. So, tell me, what the hell happened to your face?”

Remembering the scratches again, he brushed a hand over his cheek lightly. “Um, you’re not going to believe me if I tell you,” he assured her.

“Try me.”

He sighed. “You know what happened to Sienna.” She nodded, remembering how he’d called her two days after Sienna’s return and cried it out over the phone. “Well, she’s been going to a therapist, and I went with her a week ago because the therapist thought it would be good to have a session together…” and he related the rest of that horrible afternoon to her.

When he was done, Kelly reached out and touched his cheek gingerly. “That’s a lot of damage,” she murmured. “Have you talked to her about what happened?” The look on his face disappointed her. “Brian, you need to talk to her. You told me how important it was for me to tell my family what’s going on, but I think you and Si need to do the same. When you go home, no matter what happens, sit down and talk it out.”

Brian rubbed his hands over his face wearily. “I will. It’s just been hard, but I know we have to talk, eventually.”

“Sooner than later,” she reminded him, and he nodded.

A nurse bustled in then with a tray full of syringes and vials, and, beside him, Kelly groaned softly.

“Ms. Monaco, it’s your favorite time of day,” the nurse greeted her in a cheerful voice, though Brian could tell she was sympathetic towards Kelly.

Kelly sighed exaggeratedly. “I know, Lisa.” She turned to Brian. “I am glad you came. I’ll be here for the foreseeable future, so drop by anytime.”

Brian nodded. “I’ll try, but, like you said, I have to get back to Sienna and the kids. I’ll do what I can, though.” He leaned over and kissed her cheek. “I’ll pray for you, and call me if anything happens, whether it’s the transplant or whatever. You will get through this,” he said firmly.

She smiled. “Thanks, Brian. I’ll see you, then.”

“Yeah,” he murmured, and, with a final look back at her looking so alone in the hospital bed, he hurried out.

When he reached his rental car, his cell phone rang again. Expecting it to be the guys and remembering that he couldn’t tell anyone what was wrong with Kelly, he glanced down at the caller ID…and frowned.

“Hey, Holly,” he greeted his assistant.

“Brian, hi. How are things?” she asked, concern apparent. She knew what had happened with Sienna, as Brian hadn’t been able to completely keep everything from the one person that was paid to know all things Brian Littrell and company.

“Eh,” he shrugged to himself. “They’re…okay. Everyday is a new adventure, Holly.”

She sighed. “Tell me about it. Listen, Bri,” she began tentatively. “I have some interesting news for you.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. Primetime wants to do a special interview with you and Sienna. Preferably at your home. They want to talk to the two of you about the kidnapping and the aftermath of it all.”

Brian opened the door of the car and, sliding into the driver’s side, rested his forehead against the steering wheel. “Holly, I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“I know, Brian. That’s what I told Primetime, but they claimed that they’d gone through the proper channels and were given the go-ahead. I told them I’d talk to you and Sienna first,” Holly explained.

So the exposure he had once so badly craved was coming back to haunt him, Brian thought. Ironic that he was now trying to avoid it at all costs. Not just for himself, but for his family. The thing he’d learned, though, was that to keep quiet was to worsen your situation in the world’s eyes.

“Holly?”

“Yeah, Brian?”

He sighed. “Tell them I need to talk it over with my wife, and I’ll get back to them through you. Does that sound good?”

“Yes,” she answered. “But, Brian, I spoke with Sienna already. It took her a little while to consider it, but she’s okay with it.”

This was news. “What?! When did you talk to her?”

“When you didn’t answer your cell in the last couple hours, I went ahead and called her. She called her therapist, and they agreed that it might actually be good for Sienna to get the whole story out for the world to know.” Her stressing the word ‘whole’ made him realize Sienna meant to tell the world that she’d been raped.

A headache was brewing at the base of his skull as he tried to figure out why, all of a sudden, Sienna and Dr. Lewis had decided it was time to let the world know about the sexual abuse. Brian had never intended for anyone to find out, but, now, Sienna was a proponent of the “let’s take it to the media” ideology. Then again, who was he to stand in her way if it would help her?

“Well then, I guess you can go ahead and tell Primetime that we’ll do the interview. Thanks, Holly, for letting me know what’s going on.”

“No problem, Brian. I’ll let you know about scheduling not just for this but I got a call from Johnny an hour ago. The Boys have cancelled the tour, I hear.”

“Yeah, we have.”

There was a sigh. “Well, then, are you still planning on going into the studio to record with the guys in July? Or is that being postponed, too?”

“I’m sorry about the scheduling nightmares, hon. I promise, I’m planning on going in to record this summer. I wouldn’t miss it,” he promised.

“Okay. Then, I’ll get back to you after I’ve talked to Primetime,” she told him. “Take care until I talk to you next.”

“You, too, Holly. You, too,” he murmured. Hanging up, he closed his eyes and tried to comprehend what was happening to his life. Everything was being taken out of his control no matter how much he tried to control it. When was his life going to be his? When was the downward spiral he seemed to be making going to end? He didn’t know, but he hoped it would be soon. And that it would end well, God willing, Brian prayed silently.

Opening his eyes, he turned the car on and, thinking of an excuse to give them about Kelly’s hospital stay, drove back to meet the other Boys for dinner.

***

“Thanks, Holly. No, I understand why he’d be upset, but thank you for letting me know what’s going on. I’ll talk to you later, then. Bye.” Sienna hung up the phone and turned to Shane. “Brian’s not happy about the interview.”

“Can you blame him?” Shane wondered as he tickled a squirming Serena, making her laugh hysterically.

Sienna watched Kara playing with her xylophone for a moment before she answered her cousin.

“I know I can’t blame him,” she began. “But, as much as he tries to understand what’s happening and what I’m feeling, he can’t, Shane. I need to do this, and, while I know he’ll go along with it, he won’t be happy.”

“He wants you happy and safe, Si. Give him a break.”

She gave Shane a mild look. “I love him, and I’m trying. Sometimes wanting to make someone happy and doing all you can to ensure that is stifling. I need to breathe a little, too. Dr. Lewis and I both think I should talk about it more, and I’m going to start going downtown to the women’s shelter along with these support group meetings.”

“Don’t overdo it. You’ve only been back a month. Don’t push yourself,” Shane advised her.

Sienna shrugged. “I’m doing what I’m comfortable with, and I’m doing this for myself first and for everyone else second.”

“So you think making the man who’s crazy in love with you upset and uncomfortable is going to make you more comfortable?” Shane couldn’t see how doing things that way would help their relationship.

She shook her head. “Brian loves me, so he’ll eventually understand that I need to do this. I’m sure once the interview is actually happening, he’ll be okay with it.”

Shane sighed. “I hope you know what you’re doing.”

As Luke’s cries were heard through the baby monitor, Sienna walked to the doorway of the den, then turned back. “Trust me, Shane. I’m doing what I know is right. For me and everyone else.” And she was gone.

Shane looked down at his nieces and sighed again. “I really hope your mom knows that she’s slowly killing your dad by being stubborn old Sienna. I just hope he can tolerate it all.”

“Can we talk?”

“No.”

“Please, Sienna, can we talk about this?”

Sienna snapped the cap back onto the tube of lipstick, put it back on her dresser, and turned to her husband, who sat on the bed behind her. He’d asked her this question at least a hundred times in the two days since he’d come home. It had been a week since they’d agreed to do the Primetime interview, and Brian hadn’t been able to accept it.

“Brian, I have to go to work, right now. This isn’t the right time to talk,” she said simply.

Brian sighed. “When’s the right time, Sienna? When you’re dead tired after work, and I’m busy putting the kids to bed? Is that the right time to talk about what’s going on?”

“Look, I know you’re frustrated that we haven’t had time to understand each other’s reasoning on the whole interview deal, but you have to know that I need to do this. I love you, Brian, and I need your support.” She looked at him with pleading eyes, and he couldn’t hold out against it.

“Okay. We’ll figure out a time to talk about this, but I’m not ready to accept it, yet. I do support you,” he added when she opened her mouth to protest, “but I can’t accept this, baby. It’s hard to see you put yourself out there for the world to find out what happened.”

“Why?”

She needed to know why he was so against letting anyone know what had happened. From the beginning, he’d kept the knowledge of the rape in the Backstreet circle, reluctant to let anyone else know. Sienna couldn’t understand why he wanted to keep everything so hushed up when she, the person who was the actual victim, was ready to talk about it.

Brian looked down at his hands, the feeling of helplessness washing over him again.

“I-I don’t know, Sienna. I just don’t like the idea of everyone knowing about our private lives,” he explained, knowing it was a lame excuse. He was famous, and the idea of the world not knowing everything about his life was laughable. His life was fodder for the press, and they both knew it.

Sienna lifted a brow. “Come up with something better, please.”

When he shook his head and looked up at her miserably, she couldn’t help but feel horrible, too. She could see that not being able to be with her and not agreeing on such an important thing were both breaking his heart, but she couldn’t be anything different, do anything different. She loved him for being the generous man he was and loving her so deeply, and he loved her for being the independent woman she was. If she changed, they wouldn’t be the same.

Glancing at the clock and knowing she’d be late soon, she managed a smile for him. “I love you, Brian, and I know you’re worried, but I need to get to work. I promise, we will talk about this.”

“Right.”

She sighed, frustrated. “What bothers you so much? Can you tell me at least that much?” He shook his head again, and Sienna blew out a breath. “Okay, well, have a good day, Brian. I’ll see you tonight. Love you.” And she hurried out.

When he’d heard the door close downstairs, he moved to the window to watch her car leave through the gates. He put a hand up to the window as if to reach out and keep her near him but knew it was impossible.

“What bothers me, my love?” he murmured to himself. “The fact that the entire world will know I was off singing while my family was being kidnapped. That I wasn’t man enough to be able to protect them as I should have.”

Knowing that feeling such guilt wouldn’t get him through the day, Brian pushed it to the back of his mind and, when he heard the babbling over the baby monitor, headed to start his day with his children. The one constant in his life that would never leave him feeling empty and alone.

***

AJ paced back and forth, the cell phone attached to his ear. “So, you’re telling me you found two places? Where?”

“Georgetown,” the man on the other end of the call told him. “Both are in excellent condition and meet the exact requirements that you sent us. Would you like to see them?”

AJ sighed. With his schedule the way it was, he didn’t think he’d have time until June. “I’d love to see them, but I won’t be able to make it until the first week of June. What’s the demand on them? Is it possible that, by that time, they might be gone?”

There was a clicking sound on the other end. “Actually, I think they should still be around at that time. Whenever you can make it out here is fine, Mr. McLean. Just say the word, and they’re yours.”

AJ had to smile. Sometimes, being famous paid off and well. “I’ll call you in two weeks and schedule an appointment. Thanks, man.”

“No problem. We look forward to hearing from you soon. Have a great day.”

AJ hung up and stared out his hotel room window, relishing the hour he had left before he had to entertain another interviewer. He had been on the circuit for over a month and hadn’t tired of it. Well, not all of it, he corrected himself. He was tired of the nights.

He missed Regan and Jordan, and the ache he felt without them was unbearable at times. Especially late at night when he wanted to call her and just hear her voice. Of course, he hadn’t gotten her cell phone number because he hadn’t expected her to run off on him so suddenly, and they’d been living in the same house. It had seemed pointless at the time, but now it was different. He knew Brian had her number, but he didn’t want to call her. Not when he was planning a surprise visit soon.

June couldn’t come fast enough.

***

Dr. Lewis stepped out of her office and locked the door. She was done for the day, and she was tired of the constant stream of phone calls she’d been receiving ever since it had become public knowledge that she was Sienna Littrell’s therapist. It was nothing short of a miracle that she hadn’t had fans show up in her office yet. Only a matter of time, she thought, shaking her head.

“Dr. Lewis?”

She whirled around and came face-to-face with Brian. “Brian! My goodness, you scared me!”

He gave her a small smile. “Sorry. Are you closed now?” He gestured to the keys in her hand.

“Oh, well. Yes, I am.” She smiled back. “Did you need something? I know Sienna doesn’t have another appointment for another two days, but did something happen?”

He shook his head. “If I ask you something, will Sienna find out that I’ve spoken to you?”

She frowned. “No, of course not. We have a little something called doctor-patient confidentiality, so feel free to talk.”

“If you have to go, I can always come back,” he began but she shook her head.

“Brian, seriously. Something’s worrying you, so I’d rather you just talk to me about it. Here,” she gestured towards a bench down the hallway. “We can sit, and you can tell me what’s going on.”

He nodded, and, when they were sitting, he sighed. “I guess, the only thing I really want to know is why? Why are you supporting Sienna’s plans to go on national television and talk about what Scott did to her? How is that going to help her?”

Dr. Lewis sighed. She’d been afraid he’d ask this because Sienna had called her to say that Brian was reluctant to support her in her venture.

“Brian, she needs to talk it out in any way, shape, or form. If she does it on national television, the whole world will know. It’ll make it easier for her to live with it once everyone knows about it. She told me that you didn’t want many people to know, but it’s better if you don’t tiptoe around it.” She paused. “Tiptoeing around the issue only makes it seem worse for her, so she needs you and everyone to acknowledge what happened and then begin to move on.”

“I feel guilty,” he whispered.

Dr. Lewis frowned. “For what?” When he’d explained the guilt he felt, she sighed. “And you haven’t told her how you feel, right? You need to do that, no matter how hard it might be. Just tell her how you feel.”

Brian shook his head. “It’s like she’s someone different now. I mean, she’s always been this independent person, but, now, that independence scares me. I feel like she doesn’t need me to help her, and that I’m just getting in her way. It infuriates me and makes me feel so inadequate.”

She couldn’t help but sympathize when he sat in front of her looking so miserable. “Of course she changed, Brian. You can’t go through an experience like that and not come out a different person. She needs that independent shell around her to help rebuild herself. Although, she’s not as independent as she seems. She’s been able to rely on Shane again.”

Brian looked up. This was news. “Excuse me?”

“When you were away, she was able to trust Shane again and spent quite some time with him. I thought she would’ve told you,” Dr. Lewis said, seeing the confusion on his face.

Brian shook his head. “No-I…she spent time with Shane and can trust him now? Physically, too?”

Dr. Lewis nodded. “It’s amazing progress, and it should be a sign to you that things are going to get better. I promise, Brian, Sienna’s on her way to being back to normal again.”

He managed a smile. “Yeah. Thanks, Dr. Lewis. Sorry for taking up your time.” He stood. “Have a good night, and I’ll be in touch.”

She stood, too. “You’re welcome, and call me anytime. Seriously.”

Brian nodded and walked out of the building, heading towards his car. So Sienna and Shane were back to normal. Somehow, it didn’t surprise him that she would be able to trust Shane first. If he were the type to get jealous, Brian knew he’d be green by now. It wasn’t fair of him to want to pressure Sienna into gaining enough courage to be with him, but it didn’t stop him from aching for what he was afraid was lost.

His cell vibrated, and Brian picked up. “Hello?”

“Brian, it’s Holly.”

He grinned. “Hey, Holly. What’s up?”

“I wanted to say thanks for the dancing bears. They made my day,” she thanked him.

“Yeah, I thought I’d send you a thank-you present for dealing with the mess I’m making of everything,” he explained.

“Uh huh. Well, I have news from ABC. They want to tape the interview on June fourteenth. Your schedule and Sienna’s are clear, so I just need the word from you to confirm it.”

Brian took a deep breath. This was it. It was now or never, he knew. It was either help Sienna or…he didn’t know the “or,” so he settled.

“June fourteenth, our place. Got it. Let them know, Holly.”

“Okay. I’ll get back to them, and you have a great rest of your day, Brian.”

Right. He leaned against his car, trying to settle his thoughts. Nothing was going to be “great” for the foreseeable future, he knew. Not until he and Sienna were able to agree on the important things. And certainly not until he could dispel his own guilt.

Well, he mused, pulling onto the road. It was a long, bumpy road ahead. Good thing he had a seatbelt.

“Daniels, report upstairs. Fifteen minutes.” The voice crackled over her phone, and Regan nodded.

“I’ll be there, sir. In fifteen.”

There was a click on the other end of the line, and Regan set the phone back in its cradle. Turning back to the file she had open on her computer, she stared at it without really seeing the information.

What could the head of the department want to see her for? she couldn’t help but wonder. She hadn’t been given a big case since the Littrell one ended in April. That had been over for nearly two months, and, though she’d received a commendation, she hadn’t been given a major case since then. Either the department was low on their workload because criminals weren’t abducting people anymore, or something was going on.

Clicking the file closed, Regan pushed back from her desk, pressing a hand to her queasy stomach. She’d been feeling ill lately and had already freaked herself out by throwing up twice in the past three days. June, when the weather was gorgeous, was not the best time to be getting, what, the flu? She didn’t have time to go to the doctor anyway, but she didn’t want to pass whatever she had to Jordan, either. She jotted down a note to herself to make an appointment with the doctor if she vomited again and stuck the post-it to the center of her computer screen.

Praying that it would subside, she stepped out of her office. As she headed towards the elevators, she thought of how she had risen relatively quickly through the ranks of the Bureau and had her own office space. Of course, she could easily remember when she’d sat in the cubicles she was now walking through.

“Hey, Regan! When are you gonna let me take you out for a good time?”

Regan turned to face the handsome man leaning out of his cubicle, watching her with twinkling green eyes. He’d been asking her out for the past two years, and she was amazed at his persistence. Jack Logan was a good man, great detective, and, at the moment, she couldn’t really think of any reason why she should decline. Except one.

“Jack, you keep asking, and, though I hate to keep breaking your heart, the answer’s no. Again.” She smiled a little.

He grinned back, undeterred. “If you hate breaking my heart, you should just say yes.”

She rolled her eyes. “Uh huh. We’ll talk about it, later. Got a meeting with the superiors.”

“Yeah? Think they’re finally going to give you a good one?” He knew how frustrated she was becoming with the lack of real action.

Regan shrugged. “I hope so, but, at this point, I’m not holding out much hope.”

“The head of department’s your godfather, Regan. Maybe he’ll take pity on you,” Jack suggested.

“I doubt it, but we’ll see. I’ll see you later, Logan.”

“Good luck,” he called after her.

Regan made her way towards the elevator, smiling. She really did like Jack but as the clichéd “just a friend”. They’d been friends for three years, and he knew almost everything about her. Not to mention, Jordan and Jack got along well, especially because Jack had figured out that her son liked baseball and had gotten him into a Little League team. Every weekend, she and Jack would take Jordan to his games and cheer him on. Unfortunately, one man had ruined her for nearly all others, and Regan knew she would never be able to be what Jack deserved. Because her heart was no longer her own.

As she stepped onto the elevator, she couldn’t help but think of what Jack had said. Her father had been in the Bureau for nearly thirty years, and, in that time, his best friend had become the head of her department. And, though he acted gruff and businesslike towards her in company, he was practically her second father. If there was anyone who would know how useless she was feeling, it would be Will Harrison.

Getting off the elevator, she hurried down the corridor towards his receptionist, who let her go right into the office. Where she stopped.

“Dad?”

James Daniels, a distinguished-looking man in his late fifties, sat in an armchair across the desk from his best friend. Both men smiled at the woman both considered a daughter.

“Come on in, Regan.” Will gestured for her to take a seat.

Regan sat in the armchair next to her father’s and waited expectantly. When the two men looked at each other then at her, a nervous ball of anxiety formed in her belly, replacing the nausea. What was going on?

“Um, can I know why I was called up here? And why my father is here, too?” she finally asked. “Or are the two of you just going to stare at me?”

Will leaned forward and smiled over at James. “She’s impatient today, isn’t she?”

“She’s always been impatient,” James waved it off. “She was born impatient.”

Regan knew she’d scream soon. “Please, can one of you tell me what’s going on?” she asked through gritted teeth.

Will shrugged. “Absolutely. I was very impressed by your ability to bring the Littrell family back safely. Especially since you had no team to work with at the crucial stages of the investigation.”

“When I had to kill Scott Thompson?”

The smile on her godfather’s face died. “Yes, especially then. It was a tough investigation, and I have to tell you, we were testing you, Regan.”

Her brows shot up. “Testing me? After six years in this business, you think I needed to be tested?”

James placed a hand on her arm. “Honey, I suggested that they take the team off because I wanted to make sure that you would be fine on your own. Obviously, you were fantastic.”

“But why?”

Will lifted a file from his desk and passed it to her. “This is why. I was sent this offer at the end of January, and, after talking it over with my superiors and your father, I knew it would be the best thing for you. For your talents. The Littrell case just gave us a chance to evaluate you one, last time.”

Regan opened the file, and the letter caught her eye. As she skimmed through it, her heart leapt and raced. The National Council of Investigative and Security Services had an opening in one of their more prestigious companies, and, having seen her work, they had recommended her to the private agency, which was headquartered in the DC area. The agency was building up a new Missing Persons department, and they were eager to find detectives already trained in the field. Regan was on the top of their list.

As she went through the rest, she could feel the excitement bubbling through her. A private agency would mean she’d have more flexible hours. Private investigators were also given more pay per investigation, and they could pick and choose their cases. With her name having been tossed around in the media lately with the Littrell case, she knew she’d also bring the company more business.

Regan looked up to find her father and Will watching her intently. “Well?”

“You’ve had this for six months and let me dangle? I had to yawn over the cold cases while this was sitting here waiting for me!”

“Like I said, we needed to make sure that this was best for you. Since, you joined the team, your father and I have known that the Bureau’s work is not what you were meant to do. Regan,” Will held her gaze, “this place doesn’t make full use of the compassionate part of your personality. Brian Littrell, among the others you’ve helped, emphasized that your compassion and genuine concern helped him throughout the investigation. You have the grit, the courage, the drive, and the compassion to be truly great in the private sector. Trust me when I say this job is what you’ve been heading towards.”

Regan looked down at the file again. She’d been eager when she’d read the job description, but now she wasn’t so sure. She’d been with the Bureau for six years, enough time for her to feel as though those she worked with were family. Could she really leave that easily? She thought briefly of what Jack would say.

“I don’t know,” she said finally. “I need time to think this over. It’s a big change, and I have to make sure that this is the best thing for me. And Jordan. Because he’s my main concern,” she added.

James nodded. “Of course, he is. So, take your time and think about it. The agency needs to know by the end of the month. Once you’ve decided, let either Will or me know, and we’ll push your records through the proper channels to move you from the Bureau to the private sector.” He paused. “Honey, I’m proud of you, and I think taking this position would be a big step up for you from this place.”

Regan nodded. “I have to think.” She glanced over at the clock. “And I have to get going. I have to pick Jordan up from school.”

“No bus?” Will wondered.

She shook her head. “His class went to Six Flags today as an end of year trip, so I have to pick him up.”

“Well, then, tell him we both said hello, and Diane expects you at dinner on Friday,” Will reminded her, referring to his wife.

“Okay.” Regan leaned over and kissed James’ cheek. “I love you both, and I’ll let you know what I decide.”

***

The doorbell rang, and Regan sighed, frustrated. Were the distractions never going to end? She had been trying to go over the papers the private firm had sent her, but she kept getting sidetracked. First, Jordan had recounted every ride he’d been on that day at Six Flags, then her mother had called to berate her, again, about how she’d done a really foolish thing by leaving AJ. Not to mention, she’d gone and vomited. Again. Which meant she’d had to waste time to call the doctor and schedule an appointment for Thursday. Surely, surely, God hated her, Regan thought, because He kept sending her problems.

“I got it, I got it!” she heard Jordan yell as his footsteps headed towards the door. After ten seconds, she heard him call for her. “Mom! There’s someone here to see you! She says it’s important!”

Regan pushed back from the desk, rolling her eyes. She was never going to be able to decide if she wanted the job or not at the rate the night was going. When she reached the door, she found her son standing with a tall, dark-haired woman. She was going to have to work on his manners sometime if he left guests standing in the doorway.

“Jordan, honey, you should’ve asked her inside,” Regan said simply before turning to smile apologetically at the visitor. “I’m sorry, he forgets sometimes.”

“No problem,” the other woman smiled as she stepped into the house. “I’m Sarah. Sarah Martin.” She held out a hand, and Regan could feel the blood drain from her face. AJ’s ex-fiancée?

“Nice to meet you,” Regan answered, clasping Sarah’s extended hand. “Um, would you like something to eat, drink, anything?” she asked, leading Sarah into the living room.

Sitting on a sofa, Sarah shook her head. “No, really, I’m fine.” She paused. “I guess you know who I am.”

Regan nodded. “AJ’s ex-fiancée. It’s nice to meet you.”

Sarah smiled again. “Yeah, it’s nice to meet you, too. I have to confess, visiting you was a complete whim. I was in town, and I decided I wanted to meet the woman who bewitched AJ so completely.”

Regan shook her head. “I’m sorry, but how did you even know who I was? No one knew that AJ and I were even together. As far as the world knows, I was the woman in charge of the team that brought Brian’s family back home.”

“I keep in touch with Howie. He made it a point to keep in touch with Amanda and I,” Sarah explained. “A few weeks ago, I called him to say hello and see how his son was, and he told me about you. About how AJ is so completely in love with you.”

Regan sighed. “He’s not in love with me. He just got caught up in everything and turned a fling into more.” Though she knew it wasn’t true, she couldn’t think of how he’d told her he loved her. It hurt, and she didn’t need the pain. She’d put it aside and into the past. Where it would forever stay.

“While I’d agree with that because I know how he usually works, from the way it sounds, he’s really serious this time. About you.”

Sarah watched for Regan’s reaction. She’d never thought AJ would be capable of seriously loving someone, but, from what Howie had told her, he was dead serious this time. And absolutely torn up about Regan leaving him.

“I’m sorry, I—why are you here? I don’t mean to sound rude,” she added quickly, “but you and AJ split years ago, why do you still care who he is or isn’t with?”

“Because a part of me will always care about him. And because I wanted to warn you.”

Regan’s brows shot up. “Warn me? About what?”

“AJ. The way he is. At least the way he once was, and part of him may never change,” Sarah spoke quietly.

Regan waved it off. “What way? Was he that horrible?”

Sarah managed a tight smile. “He was wonderful when he wasn’t thinking of himself and the next party, the next night, the next big thing he could do. I’m sure he’s not doing the party scene as much these days, but AJ’s always looking for the next risk he could take, the next thing he could do that will get him attention.”

“Pardon me if I’m wrong, but weren’t you with him when he was in his addiction phase? Isn’t it possible that you’re still thinking of him the way he was five years ago?” Regan couldn’t help but defend him because, damn him, even if he wasn’t there and in the past, she still loved him.

Sarah nodded. “Yes, that’s true. But his addiction was helped along by the way AJ really is. You’ve got a child, and I’m sure he already loves AJ.” When Regan nodded slowly, Sarah continued. “Kids love AJ, and he loves them, but he’s not always good for them. I don’t want to see you or your son hurt because you love him.”

Though she understood that Sarah was merely trying to protect her and Jordan, Regan couldn’t help but be annoyed at the way she spoke about AJ. It didn’t sound like the man she knew and loved.

“Sarah, thank you for coming here, for voicing your concerns, but the fact is, AJ and I are done. We’re over, and I have no plans of going back to him. I don’t think he’s all that you’ve painted him as either, but, again, your concerns are duly noted.”

Sarah nodded and stood. “I hope whatever happens, you and your son will be happy. I do care about AJ,” she murmured. “But it is your heart, and I hope everything works out well for you. I’m sorry to have taken up your time.”

Regan followed her to the door. “No, thank you. I really do appreciate the thought, but I’ll be fine. And so will AJ. He’ll get over it and move on to the next actress, singer, model, whatever who catches his eye. We’ll all be happy.”

Sarah smiled. “Maybe we’re both underestimating him, too. But thanks and have a good night.”

“You, too,” Regan answered and watched the other woman make her way to a car.

Then, she shut the door and closed her eyes. Would he never leave her alone? Would people from his life keep coming back into hers to remind her of what could have been? Or, according to her mother, what should have been. But, the fact was, she was, currently, part of the FBI and he traveled all over the world singing. What kind of a life would they have? What kind of a life would they be able to give Jordan, their children?

At the thought of children, her eyes flew open. Had she actually thought of children? With AJ? She’d known him all of six weeks, and, here she was, thinking of their kids. Shaking her head at herself, she repeated what she had been telling herself since early April. You can’t build a relationship, a lifetime based on six, stressful weeks. You cannot build a lasting relationship on six, precious, stolen weeks when the regular rules of life stopped applying. It had been almost like a fairytale for her, and fairytales weren’t real, Regan reminded herself.

She had a life, a child to take care of, and fairytales didn’t apply to that life. Which she should get back to, she told herself and started back towards the kitchen to start on dinner.

Regan found Jordan at the kitchen table, poring over his math homework. As she watched from the doorway, he wrote something down, frowned, erased it, and tried again. Then, with a frustrated sigh, he pushed away from the table, tossing his pencil down. When he spotted his mother, she smiled.

“What’s wrong, pal?” She slid into the seat next to his.

He shrugged. “I can’t get the math right. This is like one of the last homework papers for math for the year, and I can’t remember how to do the carrying over part of multiplication,” he complained.

Regan ruffled his hair. “You got good grades on it when we got back from Kentucky. Why can’t you remember how to do it now?”

Jordan shrugged again. “AJ explained it to me then. It was easy when he did it, but I can’t do it anymore.”

At the mention of AJ, Regan sighed. Maybe he had had a bigger impact on all of them then she’d thought. He’d taught her son how to multiply, she couldn’t help but think. And she’d let him go.

Pulling the paper closer to her, she noticed where Jordan had made the mistakes. “How about we try from the beginning, hon? Afterwards, if we figure them all out, I’ll take you out for pizza instead of cooking. How’s that sound?”

Jordan sighed. “Okay. I just wish AJ was here, so he could explain it to me again. I wish we didn’t have to leave him behind in Kentucky. He could have come back here with us, and we could’ve been a family. I would’ve had a dad.”

Regan couldn’t breathe as each word her son spoke stabbed at her. Jordan wanted AJ with them, he wanted AJ to be a part of their family. Most of all, her little boy wanted AJ as his father. He’d never asked about his own father before, but, now, he wanted AJ. Her heart breaking again, she shook her head.

“I’m sorry, kiddo. AJ has his own life, and so do we. Right now, that life includes doing your math homework, so we can go for dinner.”

“Do you think we could call AJ sometime? Maybe he could visit us,” Jordan wondered.

Visit them? Regan didn’t think she’d survive a platonic visit with AJ. But, she smiled down at Jordan. “We’ll see what happens. Let’s just finish out the school year and see what summer brings, huh?”

Jordan nodded and bent over his paper again, leaving Regan to swallow hard to prevent the tears from spilling.

***

Regan staggered out of the bathroom and collapsed on her bed. She stretched out and waited for her stomach to go back to normal. She’d gone to work that morning and had felt bright and chipper. Unfortunately, immediately after lunch, she’d felt nauseous again and had barely made it to the bathroom to vomit. Which is where Jack had found her and, against her insisting that she was fine, drove her home and tucked her into bed.

Half an hour had passed since then, and she was hoping her system was ready to go back to normal. It was a good thing she had the doctor’s appointment the following day because this random nausea was getting to be ridiculous. She didn’t have a fever, no sore throat, nothing. All she had was an upset stomach.

Flopping onto her bed, she listened to the birds chirping in the tree outside the window of her bedroom, which was on the second floor of the two-story town home she’d bought three years before. The wind blew soft and warm through the windows and slowly lulled her to sleep.

The doorbell was ringing, and, feeling remarkably back to perfect, Regan slid off the bed and padded down the stairs. She loved how amazing everything felt when she was dreaming and decided she would stick with this dream for a little longer.

When she opened the door, the shock hit her first like a fist in the belly. Then the combination of love, lust, longing, and loneliness attacked her. If this was a dream, she thought, she could live here forever. And, knowing that in a dream she could do whatever she wanted, she stepped forward.

“AJ,” she whispered, before wrapping her arms around him and pressing her lips to his.

AJ was surprised at her reaction. She’d opened the door, looking as beautiful as he’d remembered her, not to mention a little mussed up. He had a second to wonder why she was home in the middle of the day, since he hadn’t actually expected to find her at home, before she’d launched herself into his arms and kissed him.

And what a kiss, AJ managed to think. It was as though two months hadn’t passed since they’d last seen each other. The same powerful sensations rocked through him, and he held her closer, as close as he could manage, not wanting to ever let her slip away again.

Suddenly, she stilled and leaned back to look into his eyes. He could see her eyes clouded with confusion.

Not a dream? Regan wondered.

“AJ?”

AJ smiled. “Hey, baby. Miss me?”

Her pulse tripled. Definitely not a dream.

Would you spare a minute?
Give me a single chance
To look in your eyes
Let me hold your hands
I want to get close enough,
To read you
Understand you
Open up your heart
Open up your mind
I'm only here to help you learn to love me,
To know me

She took a step back, out of his arms. Then another. Followed by three more.

“Please don’t.” His voice was barely above a whisper and she could hear the emotion that made it waver.

She shook her head. “Why?” It was the only thing she could think to say. Her mind was filled with a buzzing sound, but she could see the confusion, hurt, and, beneath it all, the love in his eyes, spreading across his face.

“You know why,” he reminded her. “It’s been two months, Regan, and I haven’t forgotten or gotten over you because I love you.”

“No.” She shook her head, trying to deny it, trying to prevent her heart from leaping.

He stepped through the door and shut it behind him. The look on his face was serious as he simply watched her.

“Can we sit and talk please?” he asked gently. “There are things we need to talk about.”

“There’s nothing to talk about,” she spoke sharply. She ran a hand through her hair, frustrated, terrified, and giddy, all at the same time, that he was there. He was with her again. In defense, her voice was sharp. “We’re over and done, Alex. There’s nothing left to say.”

She watched as the mixture of hurt and anger slowly darkened his eyes. “Maybe you don’t have anything to say, but I have plenty. You never gave me the chance to say it because you left so fast. You left me with no choice, so now I’m leaving you with no choice. We will talk. Now.”

Knowing he wouldn’t give up, she turned away, stalked into the living room, and dropped onto a couch. He followed her and settled into an armchair across from her. Glancing around the room once, taking it in, he looked back at her.

“I like your place.”

She raised a brow. “It’s not rich enough for your taste, I get it. Don’t patronize me.”

He shook his head. Why was she so defensive? She hadn’t been like this when they’d been together. Had she been able to turn off any feelings she may have had for him? Was it that easy for her?

“Chill, Regan. I grew up in a place smaller than this. I really do like your home. It’s got you and Jordan stamped all over it.” He paused. “I’m just going to cut to the chase. You left without giving us a chance to talk things out. Why?”

She gave him a measuring look. “There was nothing to talk about, Alex. I took a good look at where our so-called relationship was heading, and I didn’t see anything. We wouldn’t have lasted because we’ve got two very different lives. It’s not your fault, and it’s not mine. It was fun while it lasted,” she lied.

“Bullshit.”

She stared at him.

“I don’t believe that. I love you, Regan! You know that, and, if you weren’t so stubborn, you’d admit that you love me, too!”

He wanted to break down those barriers that he could see she’d rebuilt. She wasn’t going to let him back in easily, and it was infuriating that she felt the need to have them in place around him. Why couldn’t she accept that he loved her? That she loved him?

“You don’t love me. You never did,” she stated simply.

It was his turn to lift a brow. “Oh, really?”

“Yeah.” She sighed. “Look, when you disappeared after Sienna was brought home, I had some time to think, and I realized a couple things. What happened between us was so fast, so much. It was too quick for me, and there was no way either of us could have fallen in love that easily. It takes more than that.”

“Like what?”

She met his eyes. “Trust, for one.”

“Please.” He snorted. “Don’t tell me you didn’t trust me, that you don’t still trust me because you’ve trusted me with your past, with what that bastard did to you.”

She shrugged. “I told Sienna about it, too. No big deal. Besides, you obviously couldn’t accept what happened. You left for New York as soon as you found out. If you’d cared enough, you would have stayed.”

“Damn it, Regan! I had to go, I didn’t have a choice!” He cursed under his breath, knowing that wasn’t an excuse. “Look, you told me everything that had happened to you, and I just needed time to process it all. When Johnny called, I agreed to go because I needed time to stop being angry. I was afraid for what I might have done had I stayed, especially since I’m not known for a stellar control on my temper.”

“Angry? For what?”

He stared at her. She really didn’t know, did she? “With the bastard who hurt you all those years ago,” he murmured. “What happened to you and Sienna should never happen to anyone, and it made me feel helpless that I couldn’t go back and erase that from your past. And then I realized that I wouldn’t want to because that would mean Jordan wouldn’t exist. I love him, and I can’t imagine not knowing him.”

“Wait.” The word was whispered as she fought the urge to cry. He loved her son? He loved her and Jordan? How could that have happened when he’d only known them for days?

He could see the doubts on her face and leaned forward. “I fell in love with you and your son, Regan. I’m not joking, I’m dead serious. More serious than I’ve ever been in my life. All I want is a chance to prove that to you. I want to prove to you that I love you, and that I can make you happy. That you can love me, too.”

“Why?” The word popped out before she could stop it.

She could see the truth in his eyes, and her heart felt like it would burst out of her chest from happiness. She’d spent two months telling herself that he didn’t love her, that she had just been another woman in his string of ladies. Now, here he was, looking at her with such love, such affection in his eyes that she knew it was true. She was afraid to hope, to reach out because she knew that if it fell apart she wouldn’t be able to handle it.

“Why what? Why do I love you and need you to love me?” he wondered. His smile flashed. “I spent some time thinking about it, too. Why would I want to be in love with a prickly, stubborn woman who goes out of her way to make my life hell?” She couldn’t help but smile at that description of herself. He smiled back. “Because she’s got a huge heart, so much compassion, dedication, and gives of herself constantly. Or maybe it’s because she’s got a great smile and a way of making me feel secure and happy when I’m around her. Or the fact that I can’t imagine my life without her and her amazing son.” He paused, and the smile disappeared. “I felt like I found my family when I was with you and Jordan. Like I found where I was meant to be, Regan, and I can’t lose you. Please, don’t let me lose you.”

Hope was a caged bird battering itself against the bars in her heart. She did love him, trust him, need him, and she couldn’t see her life without him, either. She knew Jordan loved him, and that AJ would be good for her son, too. But…

“You’re the first man I was with after—after what happened all those years ago,” she began. “I want to say yes to you so badly. You have to know that, Alex. I want to give you my heart and trust you with my son and me. I do trust you, already. But I need to be selfish. You gave me the confidence I needed to know that I can be with a man again, but I’m afraid that if I take this chance with you, I’ll miss out on something else. I finally feel free,” she whispered. “I needed the boost being with you gave me, and I’m ready to live.”

Hope was becoming elusive as he realized that she was right. The bastard who’d abused her hadn’t given her a choice, and she’d been busy raising a child since she was twenty. She’d never been able to cut loose and experience life the way she should have been able to, and he wanted her to have that. Though part of him wanted to cry out against it, he knew that her happiness was more important to him than anything. And though it was killing him, he could understand her reasoning.

“Is there someone else?” he wondered, breathing shakily at the idea of her with another man.

Regan thought of Jack and smiled. “Maybe,” she murmured, then shook her head. “It’s not about another man, Alex. It’s about”

“Choices. Being able to make them and not being dictated to do what you should or shouldn’t do,” he whispered, his heart slowly breaking.

“Exactly! I don’t want to hurt you, AJ, but I need to do this for myself. I know you love me, I believe it, but I need to do things for myself first. I need time, and more than just the last two months,” she added quickly. “I care about you so much, and I need you to believe that. If it turns out that you and I are really what I want, then I’ll take that chance. But I don’t want to regret us—what I said in that letter, I meant it. I don’t want to be with you and think of what could have been if I hadn’t…” she trailed off.

AJ nodded. He understood, and, deep down, he knew it would hurt him worse if she stayed with him and regretted it. If he knew that he was the reason that she hadn’t been able to be and do what she wanted.

“Okay.”

She looked up at him. “Okay?”

“Yeah, I understand. Whatever makes you happy, I’m all for it, Regan. I love you, and I don’t want to regret us, and I don’t ever want you to be unsure of us. So take your choices and go for it.” He tried to squash the pain he felt speaking each word. The smile spreading across her features made it worth it, he knew.

“I got an offer from a prestigious private investigations firm,” she told him excitedly and watched surprise flash across his face.

“Private, huh? I thought you liked the Bureau?”

She shook her head. “I do, but I think this is one of those choices I’m getting to make. I’ve been thinking about it, and I might take it. I’d get to pick my cases and spend more time with Jordan than I’ve been able to in the last six years.”

He had to smile. He was happy that things were happening in her life that made her happy. “I’m glad. I really am,” he told her. “Whatever you’re getting, you deserve it. You’ve worked damned hard, and it’s all paying off.”

“Yeah,” she nodded. “AJ…”

His eyes met hers, and she could see the uncertainty and sadness under the happiness he was feeling for her. She felt guilty.

“I need you to know that, no matter what happens, I’ll always care about you. You’ve got a special place in my heart, and I’ll never forget what you mean to me. I hope we can be friends,” she offered.

He wanted to laugh. The cliché? He was going to be friends with the woman he was desperately in love with? The one woman he’d waited for his entire life, and they were going to be friends. He knew Fate was laughing at him and cursed it.

“Sure,” he replied. “What the hell, we’ll be friends. It’ll be easy to do, too.”

She frowned. “What do you mean?”

He sighed. “I bought a house in Georgetown. I thought you and Jordan would like it and want to move in with me. You know, so we could be a family.” He shrugged. “I’m still going to move into it because I love the place, but I’m hoping you’ll bring Jordan by sometimes.”

He’d bought a house? He’d bought a house and wanted to live in it with her and Jordan, and she was letting him go? What was wrong with her? Regan sighed inwardly. She was doing what was best for her. She really did want to give herself the chance for more, and, if she and AJ were truly meant, then she’d be happy with that. Until she knew…

“Yeah.” She smiled. “Jordan’s missed you, and I’ll definitely bring him by. I’m curious about the house, too,” she added.

“It’s open for the two of you whenever,” he invited. Knowing that if he sat in the room with her much longer he’d probably start bawling, he stood. “I should get going. I have a furniture delivery coming in an hour.” He smiled. “Tell Jordan I said hey. Hopefully, I’ll see you soon.”

He turned to leave and had made it to the front door when she stopped him.

“AJ.” She waited until he was looking at her. “My godparents are having a dinner thing on Friday, and I’d like you to come with Jordan and me. My mother’s told them about you and the others, so they’re curious about you. You’ll get to meet my dad, too.” She smiled a little. “So, will you come?”

Dinner with her father and godparents? He knew that being eaten alive by termites would probably be more enjoyable than an entire evening by her side, knowing he couldn’t have her, but he’d do it. For no other reason than he’d get to see Jordan and be near Regan.

“Sure. Just let me know when,” he added and, opening the door, he was gone.

I need a hook so you won't be the one that got away
I need a look that stuns ya, makes you wanna stay.
Don't wanna speak in case it comes out wrong
Don't wanna blink cause in a second you could be gone
I need a twist to help me turn, turn this story round.
I need a bridge to cross this dangerous ground
Meet me in the middle like I want you, too.
I gotta find your heart to shoot my arrow through

***

Regan rested her forehead against the door AJ had closed behind him and mentally kicked herself.

She felt free?! She wanted to “live”?! What was wrong with her? The man she was in love with had shown up at her door, told her he still loved her, her loved her son, had bought them a house in a gorgeous area of the city…Oh, God. He’d relocated his life from Los Angeles to Washington, DC—a part of the country he’d never lived in before. And, even though she had turned him down, he was still going to stay. He was still going to hang onto the hope that she would one day love him.

Well, damn it! She loved him now! And what had she done to show him that she did love him? She’d told him that she needed time to push herself out there and find out what else she could do, could be. If that wasn’t the stupidest thing she’d ever heard herself say, well, then, pigs were probably flying.

She peeked through the window, just in case, she told herself, pigs really had managed to fly. Because she had just done the most idiotic thing she could possibly imagine. What would she tell Jordan?

“Hey, honey. AJ dropped by today and said he bought the three of us a house. He wants us to be a family, just like you wanted, but I told him that it wasn’t going to work. How does that sound?”

Bah. Her son would be crushed.

It wasn’t as though she hadn’t ever thought about the fact that AJ was the one and only man she’d ever truly made love with, that he was the first to really break through her barriers and into her heart and soul. She had thought of it and, thinking that they were over and done, she’d convinced herself that he’d really helped her become more open to everything life could offer her. She’d come to this conclusion when she’d decided, the night before, that she would take the job in the PI firm. It was part of her then-hatched the “New Regan” plans. But that had been before the man of her dreams had shown up on her doorstep and offered her the world.

And she’d declined, Regan thought, making her way towards the kitchen and sinking into a chair. She’d told him she needed to discover what it was she really wanted…well, she really wanted Alexander James McLean. And, of course, if she went to him right this instant and told him so, he’d turn her down. Not because he didn’t love her, but because he truly wanted her happy. She’d led him on to believe that she needed to find her happiness, when, the truth was, she’d already found it.

What a mess she’d made. She didn’t know how else to fix it either, except to just give herself a few weeks and then go find him. Convince him that he was the one she needed. Then again, maybe she had been speaking the truth when she’d said she needed to find herself. She’d found AJ, but, maybe, she needed to figure out who Regan was before she gave herself to him. Thinking that made her feel more positively about the situation.

“Maybe I’ll let loose and have some fun,” she thought aloud, the thought of Jack making her smile a little. Maybe it was time to give in and have fun, too.

Her life had been planned by and for her right down to the last detail since she was born. Everything had gone according to those plans, except for Jordan. Eventually, though, even Jordan had fit into those plans. Everything had, except for AJ. Of course, that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing.

Who knew what could happen? It could be fun. Regan shrugged to herself. Spontaneity was actually starting to look like the way to go, even though it had never been her course before.

Regan smiled. It looked like it was finally time to shove those plans to the side and let her whims take control of her life.

***

“Open up please.”

Regan did as the physician instructed and nearly gagged as the cotton swab was swept across her tonsils.

“Ugh. Why do doctors feel the need to make patients want to vomit?” she wondered.

Her doctor smiled back and shook her head. “It’s because we’d rather hurt you and find out the problem, rather than letting you suffer. It makes sense to us,” she added.

Regan shook her head. “So, any ideas on what’s been making me feel sick?”

The doctor consulted her chart as she sent the cotton swab off to the lab with a nurse. “Well, let’s see. I really doubt you’ve got anything viral or bacterial, mostly because you have no fever. But, I could be wrong. So,” she smiled at her patient. “When was the last time you had sex?”

Her brows shot up. “Why does that matter?”

“Regan, I’m your doctor. I’ve been your doctor for the last ten years, and I know you hadn’t been with anyone for years. Not since before your son was born. However, I think that might have changed recently. So, I’ll ask again. When was the last time you had sex?”

Regan sighed. “Two months ago. It was only a couple times, and I really doubt that I’m pregnant.”

“So you used protection?”

Shit. She tried to remember. They had, hadn’t they? “I’m pretty sure,” she answered.

Her doctor lifted a brow. “Uh huh. Okay, well, I’m going to need a urine sample and run a blood test real quick just to rule out the possibility of pregnancy. Of course, pregnancy would explain you feeling ill and vomiting, you know,” she added as she pulled out the requisite urine collection container and asked the nurse to run a blood test.

Regan went through the routine and tried not to think of what it would mean if she was pregnant. She’d told AJ that she was ready to live life the way she wanted to, and she’d spent a lot of time thinking about Jack. She’d decided to take her chances and had surprised him by agreeing to a date that morning. She smiled a little as she remembered how his jaw had dropped. After two years of begging, he’d come to expect the no, but a yes was unbelievable to him. After laughing a little, she’d agreed to dinner with him that Saturday, thinking that she could leave Jordan with AJ.

Jordan had been overjoyed to find out that AJ was living in the area, and he’d begged his mother to take him to the new house the night before. She’d had to deny his request because she’d quite simply no idea where the house was. Tomorrow night, she thought, she’d ask AJ about his new place and take Jordan over on Saturday. She was thrilled that Jordan had such wonderful men in his life. First Jack, and now AJ.

“Well, Regan,” her doctor began, coming back into the room. “We ran a test on the urine sample and the blood work was sent off to a lab. However, I can tell you the good news. Or, at least, what I think is good news.”

As she listened, Regan didn’t know whether to be happy or terrified of what this new development meant. But one thought kept circling in her mind.

AJ.


Lyrics from “The One That Got Away” Natasha Bedingfield

With one light on
In one room
I know you’re up
When I get home

He watched as she sighed. Again. She’d been staring into the mug in front of her, seeming to see something in its depth, for the past twenty minutes. At least, she’d been doing it for the twenty minutes that he’d been watching her. He wondered what was going through her mind.

She’d withdrawn, more so than had become normal in the past few months, and, now, he didn’t know how to reach her. There was a shield around her that was constantly up, and, the only time he’d seen it lowered was when she was around Shane. Or when she was with their children and didn’t know he was watching them.

She sighed again, and another chip broke off of his heart. Their lines of communication, that everyone had insisted remain open, had closed down almost completely. After the announcement of the interview date and his return to Kentucky, Sienna had begun working longer hours at the shop and, when she wasn’t at the shop, she’d hole up in the greenhouse. Of course, at night, he was still sleeping in that damned guestroom, while she was in their room.

Brian couldn’t stand the distance and needed to get rid of it. The tension was killing him day by day, and he needed to know if she felt the same way. Maybe she did, he thought. After all, she was sitting in the kitchen at three in the morning, staring into a mug.

When she sighed again, he stepped into the kitchen.

“Sienna?”

Her head whipped around, and he found himself staring into fatigued, hazel eyes.

“Brian? What are you doing up?” she wondered at the same time as she hoped he would stay near the door. His presence was unnerving, considering the fact that she’d been avoiding him, afraid of what he might say about her ability to reconnect with Shane and not her husband.

He shrugged and moved towards the refrigerator to grab water. “I woke up thirsty and decided to get water,” he explained. Taking a sip, he turned to look at her. “Why are you up, baby? Is everything okay?”

“Yes, of course, everything’s fine. I just couldn’t sleep,” she said quickly. Too quickly.

He narrowed his eyes, studying her tired eyes and the worry that seemed to reside on her face. “You’re worried.”

It was a statement, and she tried to figure out a way around the truth. “About what?”

He shrugged again. “I don’t know. Why don’t you tell me?” He waited a beat. “It’s the interview, isn’t it?” The look on her face confirmed it. “Sienna, you can still back out of it,” he assured her gently. “We can call them and tell them we decided not to do it yet.”

She could feel the annoyance brewing in her. “I am not worried about the interview. In fact, it’s the furthest thing from my mind. If I agreed to doing the interview, signed the contract, went over all the things I will and won’t answer…I’ve done everything possible to ensure this interview will go smoothly!” She had to stop herself, reminding herself that becoming hysterical was not going to fix anything.

Brian simply watched her. “Sienna. You need time to recover. It’s only been a few months since it happened. Don’t overdo your rush to get over it because something like this takes time to get past. The interview isn’t until next week, so there’s still time to call it off.”

She stood now and faced him, annoyance clear in her eyes. “Listen up, Brian. I was the one raped, I am the one going to therapy to get over everything. If I say I’m ready to do this interview, it means I’m ready to do this interview.”

“I just want you happy and secure, Sienna,” he began but was cut off.

“Damn it, Brian! I know that! But you’re so overbearing about it! Every time we talk about this, it always comes down to you telling me to back off from doing what I need to do! You didn’t experience what I did, you don’t live inside my head, so how the hell would you know what I need to do or not do?!” She was nearly shouting and knew she should calm down.

Brian was starting to get angry, too. “How the hell am I supposed to know what you do or don’t need when you never talk to me? You avoid me like I’m the plague! We don’t talk anymore, we haven’t talked for weeks! And when we have talked, it’s about the kids, about Howie and Liv’s son, about anything and everything but you and me! Don’t tell me I’m overbearing because I’m just concerned about your well-being and your happiness. I’m trying to help, and you’re making it damn near impossible to do that! So I’m sorry if I’m so goddamned overbearing when all I’m really trying to do is help you!”

Sienna counted to ten in her head, trying to calm down. When she had, she took a deep breath and tried to collect her thoughts. She knew he was trying to help her, but she couldn’t take the pitying looks from him anymore. Oh, she knew he didn’t know that he was looking at her like that, but she needed him to be more than that. What more than that entailed, she didn’t know at the moment. But it definitely wasn’t what he’d been doing.

So what that he’d actually figured out what she was worried about? She didn’t need him to know that he’d been right about her questioning her decision to go through with the interview. She loved him, but she didn’t want to deal with a smug Brian, even if he’d never give her the requisite “I told you so”.

“You know what, Brian? I don’t want to fight right now. In fact, I can’t think about this right now. I’m going to bed, and I think we both just need to give each other time and space to think through whatever it is we’re feeling.”

Not waiting for his reply, Sienna put her half-filled mug of coffee in the sink and left the kitchen, leaving Brian to stare after her, not knowing what to do or think. They hadn’t resolved anything because she’d put that damned shield up again. More time and space?! That’s all they’d had in the past few weeks, and she needed more?

Sinking into the chair she’d vacated, Brian tried to figure out what he was doing wrong. Regan had said to give her space, so he’d given her space. Dr. Lewis and Kelly had told him to talk to her, and he had talked to her. Nothing good resulted from either move, but he didn’t know what else to do.

What it came down to, Brian was slowly realizing, was trust. Her trust in the male of the human species had been destroyed, and he was feeling the aftereffects of it. What terrified him more than that, was the fact that she might never rebuild that trust. Where would that leave him? Where would that leave them and their marriage, their family?

He couldn’t think about it at the moment, either, Brian knew. So, he would put it aside and hope that whatever came next wouldn’t be as bad as what had already come.

***

If you were a king up there on your throne
Would you be wise enough to let me go
For this queen you think you own


“Regan! Jordan!”

Regan braced herself for Diane Harrison’s crushing hug and grinned when it came. The woman might have popped some of Regan’s lungs, but she knew that it was all about the love when it came to the woman she considered her second mother.

Stepping into the Harrison home, Regan gestured towards AJ, who’d cautiously followed her. “Diane, this is AJ. AJ, this is my godmother, Diane.”

Diane measured up the young man in front of her, taking in everything from his various piercings and slightly unkempt hair to the tattoos half-covered by his sleeves. As she watched him, AJ tried not to squirm under the scrutiny. He’d actually combed his hair, taken out some of the earrings, was wearing glasses as opposed to his sunglasses, and had made sure to wear clothing that was mostly intact and what one would expect a man of nearly thirty to wear. He hoped it would be good enough for Regan’s godparents, sister, and parents.

Finally, Diane smiled and extended a hand. “It’s nice to meet you, AJ. If you don’t mind my asking, what do those initials stand for?”

AJ grinned back and shook her hand lightly. “It’s good to meet you, too. My whole name’s Alexander James, so AJ was always just a nickname. My family and friends call me Alex, though.”

She nodded. “Alex it is. Regan dear,” Diane turned to her godchild. “Your parents and sister are already here. You’re nearly half an hour late!”

Regan cringed, remembering the older woman’s notorious punctuality. “I’m sorry. I know. It’s just”

“I got lost,” AJ cut in. He smiled sheepishly when Diane’s gaze turned to him. “I’m awful with directions, so I had to call Regan and have her find me. I hope it didn’t ruin any plans,” he added.

Diane watched him for a moment then shook her head. “It’s no problem. Why don’t we go on in and get you two settled in? I bet Jordan’s already found the new game system Aidan left for him,” she added.

“Aidan was home? When? Where was I?” Regan wondered, thinking of the Harrisons’ only child and one of her oldest friends.

Diane shook her head. “He was here a few weeks ago, but only for a day. He’s back in Japan, working on some other system.”

“Your son designs gaming systems?” AJ couldn’t help but ask, Nick popping up in his mind.

Diane smiled. “Yes, he does. He’s always been fond of video games and computer software, so he combined the two and lives in Japan, now. My son is so wrapped up in video games, it’s no wonder he doesn’t have the time to settle down and give me those grandbabies I want.”

Regan sighed. “Diane, Aidan hasn’t found a woman he loves because he hasn’t met her yet. It’ll happen one day.”

“What will happen one day?” Will looked up as his wife, Regan, and AJ entered the living room. “Regan! You’re here. Diane was about ready to call the police because you were late.”

“We had to remind her that we, as the FBI, are probably better equipped to handle that, though,” James added, all the while his eye on his daughter’s guest.

Regan knew the looks on her father and godfather’s faces as they stared at AJ, but, before she could say anything, her sister beat her to it.

“Oh, wow. Mom told me Regan had snagged herself a celebrity, but I didn’t realize exactly who it was,” Callie grinned hugely at AJ. Popping up, she stuck out her hand. “I’m Callie, Regan’s sister. I never thought I’d ever be in the same room as a Backstreet Boy.”

AJ took her hand. “It’s great to meet you. Trust me, a couple weeks ago, I didn’t think I’d ever get to meet you or the rest of Regan’s family, either.” He let go of her hand and went over to shake James and Will’s hands, introducing himself.

Callie shook her head and looked over at Regan. “Why the hell did you let this one go?”

“Because Fate told me to. Besides, I didn’t think Dad would approve of him. You don’t approve do you, Daddy?” Regan watched her father struggle to find the polite words to say.

“I don’t even know the man, Regan.” James looked over at AJ, who was now sitting between Callie and Rebecca. “I know you sing for a living, but do you do anything besides that?”

Let’s not beat around the bush, AJ thought. “I produce music, work with new singers, and spend time in alcohol and drug rehabilitation centers with the patients.”

“Rehab?” Will wondered. “What prompted you to spend time there? Why not in a hospital?”

AJ shook his head. “I work with rehab patients because I was one, so I know what they’re going through. It makes me feel as though I’m doing something useful when I sit with them and help them talk about their addictions.”

“You were in rehab?” James couldn’t believe his daughter’s taste. He didn’t consider himself a snob, but, if this man was to be a part of his grandchild’s life, he wanted to make sure it wouldn’t be detrimental for Jordan.

AJ nodded. “For alcohol, depression, and anxiety. I’ve been sober for over four years, and I feel hopeful about the future.”

Callie patted his knee. “I remember when that all went down. I have to say, as a fan, I’m proud that you got yourself all cleaned up. Not everyone is successful enough to break the addiction and take the hard road out of it.” She sent her father a look.

James sent her a look right back. “Well, of course, it’s a noble thing you’ve done. It takes someone strong to be able to admit to having an addiction, but it takes someone even stronger to live clean for the rest of his or her life.”

Regan rolled her eyes. Why was her father giving AJ such a difficult time when she wasn’t even dating the guy?

“Dad, I think what AJ’s done is commendable, and I have a feeling he means to follow through on what he’s begun.”

“Alex!”

The adults turned as Jordan entered the room and leapt into AJ’s arms. “What are you doing here? When did you come? I knew you’d come!”

AJ held Jordan close in a hug and felt relieved, as he knew all was not lost if Jordan was so easily able to forgive him.

“Hey pal. I came with your mom; she said you came a while ago with your Aunt Callie.” AJ leaned back to study the grin on Jordan’s face. “I’m glad to see you again. I hope the math’s been going well,” he added, remembering what had bonded the two in the first place.

Jordan’s grin widened. “I forgot the long division but then I remembered what you showed me and I got an A on it!”

He hugged AJ again as his grandparents, aunt, and the Harrisons watched, awed. Jordan had never been so openly adoring with anyone but his mother, but, here he was, heaping love onto a man he’d known for less than a week.

Suddenly, Jordan pulled away. “You left us. You left Mom and me before I got to say goodbye. Why did you leave? Don’t you love us anymore?”

Regan shut her eyes as her family’s gaze landed on AJ and Jordan, waiting for AJ’s words. She laid a hand over her stomach and hoped the whole thing wouldn’t become more difficult than it already was.

AJ ruffled Jordan’s hair then met the child’s gaze. “I had to leave because something important for my work came up. I was hoping that you’d still be there when I got back, but you were already gone. I’m sorry, buddy. I really wanted you to stay with me because I do love you and your mom.” AJ paused, knowing everyone’s eyes were on him. He didn’t care, though, because all that mattered was centered on Jordan.

“How much?” Jordan asked.

AJ frowned. “How much what?”

“How much do you love us?”

AJ smiled at that. The answer was easy. “I love you and your mom more than I thought I could ever love anyone, Jordan. It makes me feel so happy that I want to go around smiling at everyone and everything, and nothing could ever make me upset as long as I love the two of you. Can you understand that?” Jordan looked confused and shook his head. “Okay, think of how much you love your mom. Can you imagine living your life without your mom?”

Jordan’s gaze swung to Regan, who was watching him and AJ, one hand pressed to her belly. “No.”

AJ nodded. “That’s how I feel about you and Regan, kid. I’ve got all this love inside me for you.” He rested a hand over his heart. “I promise you, no matter what happens, I’ll always feel that way, and I’ll never leave again without telling you. I’ll always be here if you need to hang out or do math homework,” he added with a grin.

“You live in California,” Jordan reminded him. “We won’t be able to do math homework if you’re far away.”

AJ shook his head. “I’ve got a house here, now. I’m going to stay close, Jordan. That way, you can come over whenever you want. How’s that sound?”

Jordan grinned and launched himself back into AJ’s arms. “Yes! It’s awesome! I’m so excited!”

Over Jordan’s shoulder, AJ met Regan’s eyes and watched them fill with tears, though there was a smile on her face. Before he could say anything, Diane stood up and looked at her goddaughter.

“That’s so lovely. I’m glad you and Jordan have someone so wonderful in your lives to love you. I always knew it would be someone unique enough to have a—what’s that on your neck, dear?” she asked AJ.

He grinned as Jordan craned his neck to see the tattoo. “A flaming skull. Rebellious, I know.”

“Well, not so rebellious. I think my son has something close to that on his arm that he thinks I don’t know about,” she told him. “Exactly how many tattoos do you have?”

“Several more,” Regan said, then stopped.

Diane turned to look at her, a mischievous look in her eyes. “Regan, dear, would you mind helping me get everything ready so we can eat? I think everyone’s famished.”

“I can help,” Callie offered.

Diane shook her head. “Oh, no, dear. You’re in charge of making certain my husband and your father don’t interrogate poor Alex to pieces. Rebecca, Regan, and I will take care of everything.” She turned and headed out of the room.

Regan knew she was expected to follow, so, avoiding AJ’s gaze, she followed her mother into the kitchen. Callie might be protecting AJ, but who would protect her from her mother and Diane’s unrelenting questions?

***

“The man’s a jewel, and you’re keeping him at arm’s length?! Regan, I know you know better!”

Regan rolled her eyes. Diane and her mother had been taking turns berating her for her total loss of judgement when it came to her life and AJ. It had been at least fifteen minutes, and the table was certainly set, so Regan wondered how much longer the two women would continue to interrogate her.

“Okay, stop.” She held up a hand. “Can I actually try to get a word in now that the two of you have basically told me how unfair, unthinking, impossibly stubborn, and ridiculously foolish I am being in not running into Alex’s arms?”

Her mother sighed, while Diane merely crossed her arms. “We’re listening.”

Rolling her eyes again, Regan tried to figure out what exactly to say. “Look, I’ve known him all of about a month. For the first half of that month, we argued over how I was or wasn’t doing my job properly. The second half, we developed a very haphazard relationship, which didn’t include my ever telling him about Jordan. Until, of course, you, Mom, showed up on the Littrells’ doorstep with him, and everything got kinda out of control from there. He tells me he loves me, but I really don’t know what the foundation of that love is,” Regan lied. Of course, she knew what it was, but she wasn’t about to tell them that.

Her mother sighed again. “Are you telling us that Alex doesn’t really love you? That he’s somehow deluded himself into thinking he’s in love with you? Really, Regan. The man is nearly thirty years old, and I think he knows what he wants, needs, and loves. You and Jordan have someone who wants to love you and take care of you. What is so wrong about letting yourself fall so he’ll catch you?”

Loss of control over my life? Regan thought, then shook her head at herself. She trusted AJ without hesitation and knew that, with him, she’d never feel as though she had no control over her own life.

“Hey! Where’s dinner? I thought you ladies were getting everything together,” James said, strolling into the kitchen, followed by Callie, AJ, Jordan, and Will.

Diane shot Regan one last look before turning to everyone and smiling. “Dinner is absolutely ready,” she told them and gestured towards the dining room.

As the group moved into the adjoining room, Regan tried not to let her mother’s words affect her. If she was honest with herself, she could admit that there was no one but AJ that she had ever trusted enough to be there to catch her if she “fell”. After all, hadn’t he been there to comfort her, to just hold her when she’d been suffering from stress?

Thinking that it was best to argue that over with herself later, she slipped into the dining room and settled into a seat as far away from AJ as she could be. She didn’t trust herself around him anymore, not after the way he’d laid his heart out on the line and made her cry. Besides, there were rampant hormones running through her—who knew what she could do and be embarrassed by later?

***

Dinner had gone as well as could be managed with no one bringing up AJ and Regan’s non-relationship/relationship. He had done most of the talking, as everyone else wanted to hear the wilder side of touring for a living. Both James and Will had discussed the ways security could be better worked in order to avoid hairy encounters with some rabid fans. After all, they knew how the Secret Service worked, didn’t they?

Smiling to herself over that conversation, Regan waited for the door to open and grinned as she heard the sound of her son’s footsteps. How would he feel, she wondered, if he knew that he would no longer be an only child? Probably well, Regan decided as Jordan flung open the door and grinned up at her.

“Do we have to go home, now? Can’t we stay longer?” were the first words she heard from him and laughed.

“Honey, I’ve got work tomorrow, and you have one, last day of school to go to in the morning. You can’t miss the last day of third grade, you know,” she told him.

Jordan pouted and turned to AJ when he appeared behind him in the doorway. “Mom says I have to go to school tomorrow,” he whined.

AJ looked down into Jordan’s face, willing him to convince his mother otherwise, then up at Regan’s face, which clearly said, “You’ll never win.” He shrugged.

“Sorry, kid. Your mom’s right. You’ll never have another last day of third grade in your life. You gotta do what you gotta do. Besides,” he began before Jordan could protest, “I think your mom’s pretty smart. She knows what’s good for you, you know.”

Jordan sighed and looked down at his feet, miserable. “I know. I just wanted to stay and hang out with you and the dogs. Besides, I had fun beating you at video games.”

“Hey!” AJ tried to look offended. “I let you win, buddy. You didn’t win because you’re better.”

As she listened to her son and AJ battle it out over who was the better video gamer, Regan smiled to herself. Jordan had spent nearly every night since the past Saturday at AJ’s home, and AJ obviously loved having him there. Though it made her love the man even more, she knew things had gotten a bit more complicated. Not thinking about it, her hand found its way to rest over her lower abdomen as she thought about the events of the past few days.

She’d gone out with Jack on Saturday when she’d left Jordan with AJ. AJ hadn’t asked her where she was going, and Regan didn’t think she had the courage to explain that she’d been out with another man, one she obviously didn’t love. She didn’t think she could stand to see hurt in his eyes, and she’d decided to keep dating Jack as quiet as possible.

Of course, no one but Regan and her doctor knew about the other piece to the messy puzzle of her life. She didn’t know how she would break the news to anyone, not just AJ. How to explain to those who loved you and knew you well that you were carrying the child that you’d created with the man you loved but were still dating another man? Somehow, she imagined that lecture would be more painful than any of the others she’d received that concerned AJ. She knew she had to tell him about the pregnancy, how could she not? But she didn’t know how she’d do it.

Later, she told herself and turned to AJ and Jordan.

“Hey, hon! We have to get going, now,” she said firmly. She looked up at AJ. “Thanks for taking him again. I know we’ve been imposing on your time”

“I don’t consider spending time with loved ones an imposition,” he interrupted her. “It’s never going to be a problem for me to hang out with Jordan,” he added, ruffling Jordan’s hair. “But, your mom’s right, kid. It’s time for you to get home and hit the hay.”

“Hit the hay?” Jordan giggled.

AJ grinned. “It means the same thing as going to bed. It’s something Brian and Kevin say a lot.” He shrugged. “It’s a southern thing.”

Jordan nodded. “Okay. Thanks for letting me hang out and beat you at video games. Can I come back tomorrow?”

Regan sighed, but AJ nodded back. “Absolutely! Come by anytime. You’ve got the whole summer ahead of you to chill with me.”

“Thanks! I’ll go get in the car, Mom,” Jordan told Regan and, giving AJ a hug, dashed to the car.

Regan watched him go and get settled into the car, securing his seatbelt. When she turned back to AJ, he had a distant look on his face, as though he wasn’t really watching Jordan but was seeing something else.

“What’re you thinking?” she asked.

He blinked then looked over at her. “Huh? Oh.” He was quiet for a moment. “Brian and Sienna’s interview was taped tonight, and I know Brian was not happy going into it. I hope everything works out for them.”

Regan sighed. She’d stayed out of Brian and Sienna’s lives, mostly because she didn’t want to be a constant reminder of what had happened to them. However, Sienna had taken to calling her every so often to just talk about anything. Regan knew there were some problems between the Littrells, but she hoped they were working towards solving them. Unfortunately, from AJ’s tone, she didn’t think they were making progress.

“They’ll work it out between them,” she assured AJ. “They love each other, and it’s going to get them through whatever obstacles are to come. Sienna needs to do this, and the fact that Brian is still going through with it is important to her.”

“I hope so,” he murmured.

Because she knew he was worried about his friends and seemed as though he needed it, Regan reached out and hugged him.

“Everything always works out for the best,” she murmured. Leaning back, she squeezed his hand, but, when she tried to turn to head towards her car, he held onto her hand. When she turned back to him, he watched her with an intense look in his eyes.

“AJ?”

He shook his head. “I love you, Regan. I’m trying to hope for the best and that things will work out, but I hope you’re doing the same. I just need you to know, no matter what happens, that I will always love you.”

She tried to shake it off but found herself mentally holding the words close, depositing them in her heart.

“I have to go,” she whispered.

He sighed. “I know.”

When he let go of her hand, she managed a small smile, then headed to her son—the one man she knew she’d always be able to love without grief or doubt shadowing it.

For the crown you've placed upon my head feels too heavy now
And I don't know what to say to you but I'll smile anyhow
And all the time I'm thinking, thinking

I want to be a hunter again
I want to see the world alone again
to take a chance on life again
So let me go.


Lyrics from “Hunter” by Dido

Mac Jenkins bolted out of bed and grabbed the Louisville Slugger he’d had since he had first moved out of his parents’ home to live on his own. There was a banging sound coming from the front of his home, and he hoped that, at three in the morning, anyone trying to burgle a house and making a lot of noise doing it was not the sharpest tool in the shed.

As he made his way through his townhouse, his gaze swept around to make sure there wasn’t anyone in the shadows, waiting to attack him. The banging sound appeared to have come from his door, so he crept towards the now-silent entryway.

When he opened the door, his jaw dropped, and he stared for long moments at the man passed out on his porch. This was unbelievable, unthinkable, and he had to pinch himself to make sure he wasn’t dreaming. When the pain radiated through his arm, he sighed and, setting the Slugger aside, knelt to help carry his friend into the living room.

“Good thing he’s shorter and lighter than me,” Mac muttered. “Otherwise, I might just leave his ass in the foyer.”

When he’d laid his friend on a couch, Mac tucked a blanket around him then watched the sleeping man for a moment. He was obviously alive and didn’t look any worse for the wear. What worried him the most, though, was not the fact that he was here, but the fact that he’d obviously gotten drunk—something extremely uncharacteristic of him.

Knowing there was nothing more he could do at the moment, Mac shook his head and trudged back to his own bed. Morning was soon enough to deal with this problem.

***

“As long as you love me, I don’t care who you are, where you’re from…”

Brian jerked up and looked around for the source of the sound. Blinking through bleary eyes and trying to think over the pounding headache, he realized he didn’t quite know where he was. What was starting to make itself certain through the pain he was feeling, though, was that his cell phone was ringing.

He pulled it out of his pocket and grimaced. “Gotta change the damn ringtone,” he muttered and flipped it open. “Hello?” His voice felt and sounded gravelly and stuck in his throat. He cleared his throat and tried again. “Hello?”

“Brian! Hey!”

He frowned. “Uh…”

There was a laugh. “Brian, it’s Kelly. Where are you?”

Good question, he thought, glancing around and trying to remember what he’d been doing the night before and where he could possibly be now.

“Hey, Kelly. Sorry, I’m a little out of it. What’s up?”

“I called your house a little while ago,” she began. “Si told me you weren’t home and that I should just call your cell to find you. I just wanted to find out how things went last night.”

Last night? Another good question. “Uh…things were fine.” Weren’t they? He couldn’t quite remember.

“Really?” She sounded surprised. “I talked to you yesterday before the taping, and you were freaking out because you had no idea what was going to happen. That and you still didn’t want to do the interview because you and Si had an argument last week and hadn’t talked since then. Is any of that ringing a bell, pal?”

His stomach dropped to his feet. The interview had been last night, and it had gone…horribly. All of a sudden, he felt like crawling back under the covers and never coming out. That interview was going to be played across the country in a week, and he’d rather be tossed to a pool of sharks than be around after it aired.

“Uh, yeah. Ha. Interview.”

She’d known him long enough to catch onto the hesitancy in his voice. “What happened?”

Brian sighed. “Things went about the way I expected, Kel. It’s not something I really want to think about until it airs. Is it okay if we don’t talk about it, right now?”

She was silent a moment. “Ok. I’m worried, Bri. Sienna wouldn’t say much more than it was fine, but she sounded a little happier than you do. Bri, you know you can tell me what’s bothering you, right?”

He knew that, but he just didn’t want to think about it at the moment. His head was pounding, and there was still a dried mud pie in his mouth. Brian knew the signs of a hangover, though it had been years since he’d actually experienced them. At the moment, he didn’t want to think about anything more than sliding back into sleep and oblivion. Away from everything that had caused him to sink into a bottle of—God, he couldn’t even remember what he’d drank.

“Brian?”

“Yeah. I’m here.” He sighed. “Listen, I’m thinking about making a trip out to see you next week because I haven’t been there to see you since that first time. How have you been feeling since that bone marrow transplant?”

Kelly figured if he wanted to evade, she’d let him evade. For the moment.

“I’m feeling a lot better, actually. I mean, my parents and sibs went home because the doctors told us that the cancer cells were greatly reduced. I didn’t want them spending a lot of unnecessary time here worrying about me.”

“They’re your family, baby. It’s their job to worry about you.” Wasn’t that what he was trying to get through to his wife? “But I’m glad you’re doing better, and I’m definitely coming to see you, so you won’t be alone.”

“Well, then, I guess we’ll watch your interview together, huh?”

He ran a hand over his face. “You’re too quick for me, Kelly.”

“Running away never did solve much.”

“I know.”

“I’m not stopping you from coming, I’m just saying.”

“I know. I’m not running, I just need some time away.”

“From your family?”

Nausea was beginning to kick up a storm. “Not my family. Just the craziness of my life. Kelly, I don’t know what I’m supposed to say or do anymore. All I know is that I love Sienna and our kids, but I don’t know how to be around her.”

“Brian. I’m going to hang up, you go, throw up whatever is swimming around in your system, and, go home. Did you get all that?”

How did she know? “Yeah,” he muttered. “I got it. I’ll let you know when I’m heading your way.”

“You do that. Now go, sweetie. You’ll feel better.”

“You’re my lifesaver. You know that, right?”

He could hear her smile. “Right back at ya. I love you, Brian.”

“I love you, too. But, uh, I’m gonna go now.”

“Take care of yourself and your family.”

“Uh huh. Bye bye, Kelly.”

“Bye, Bri.”

Hanging up, he stood on shaky legs and stumbled out of the room he was in and into what appeared to be a kitchen from the stove and counters he found. That and the fact that Mac was sitting at the table with a cup of coffee in front of him. As nauseous as he was feeling, the smell of coffee had Brian salivating.

Mac held out another mug. “Drink.”

Brian made his way to the table, took the mug, and drank it down as though it were water. When he’d finished, he sank into a chair.

“Thanks. I needed that,” he murmured.

Mac sighed. “Do you know you scared the shit out of me last night? What the hell were you doing getting drunk, showing up here, and passing out?”

Brian winced. “Um. Honestly, Mac? I can’t remember how I got here.”

“You walked.”

His eyes widened. “I did what?! From where?”

Mac shrugged. “Hell if I know. I still want to know why you were so drunk, you passed out on my porch instead of going home.” When Brian said nothing, Mac sighed again. “Trouble in paradise?”

Brian rested his aching head in his hands. “Oh yeah. It’s been nothing but sunshine and bunnies since Sienna and the kids came home.”

“Sunshine and bunnies?” Mac couldn’t help but be amused, even though he knew his friend was hurting.

Brian lifted his head and aimed a look at him. “Shut up. I can’t think straight, and that’s the first thing that came to mind.”

“Okay.” Mac stood and, pulling open a cupboard, took out a bottle of aspirin and handed it to Brian along with a glass of water. “Take two, slap some water on your face, and go home. You’ll feel better once you’ve cleared things up with your wife.”

Brian swallowed the pills and sighed. “I don’t think I’m ever gonna feel better, man. If something doesn’t change soon, I might need to be locked up in a mental facility. It feels like I’m constantly begging her or tiptoeing around everything we need to talk about.”

Mac sat again. “Wanna talk about it?”

Brian stared down at his hands. Did he really want to say out loud what he was worried was happening to his marriage? He loved Sienna, but, lately, he wasn’t sure what her feelings were. She said she loved him, but he wasn’t certain of that. How could he be if every time he tried to talk to her about what was between the two of them, she waved it off and said she was busy. That or start an argument about how he didn’t know what she was feeling and couldn’t possibly understand. Well, how the hell was he supposed to know what she was feeling if she didn’t tell him, if she didn’t talk to him? What was happening to them?

“Not really,” he said after a long silence. He pushed back from the table. “I think I’m gonna try and head home. See how much damage I’ve done.”

“Brian. I know the Primetime taping was last night.” Mac simply watched him when Brian turned to look at him. “If something happened, you’d tell me, right?”

Twice in one morning. Brian shook his head. “Watch it next week, Mac. Then tell me if you still want to help me.”

Mac watched Brian head off to the bathroom and couldn’t help but worry. He wasn’t in the habit of making friends with the parents of his patients, but it had been hard not to become friends with the Littrells. They were the perfect couple and great people to just relax with. He liked their kids and worried as much as Brian and Sienna did when either of the twins or Luke were sick. Now, the perfect couple wasn’t so perfect, was hitting bumps in the road. Bumps Mac wasn’t sure they were getting over and past.

Brian came back into the kitchen again and gave Mac a small smile. “Thanks for not leaving me on the porch. The whole getting drunk deal isn’t really my deal, but I thought it might…I don’t know.” He shrugged. “The problems are still here, right? I should’ve learned from watching AJ self-destruct that alcohol doesn’t fix anything. But I just needed…”

“To stop thinking?” Mac supplied.

Brian nodded. “Yeah. Anyway, thanks again. I’d better get going.”

Mac watched Brian make it to the door, open it, then stop. He turned around again, a sheepish look on his face.

“Uh, Mac? Would you mind giving me a ride to the bar where I left my car?”

Grinning, Mac stood and grabbed his keys. “Sure. What are friends for?”

***

What do I do? What do I do? Do I say something? Do I let it go? Do I just let time tell me what to do?

She paced her bedroom and tried to figure out what it was she really should do. It was getting ridiculous the amount of evading she was doing. Every question he had, she countered with another question or avoided it by talking about something completely different. But, really, how long could they go on like this?

More importantly, she thought, how do I break the news to him? Would he hate her?

A sick feeling rose in the back of her throat when she thought of those constantly kind eyes looking at her with disgust. She sat on the bed, a hand pressed to her stomach, swallowing back the sick. Maybe she would keep quiet about it for a while longer. Until it could no longer be hidden.

Which gave her time. But time, she feared, was running out.

***

“Come on, honey. Just one more spoonful…mmm, wasn’t that yummy?”

When Serena smacked her applesauce covered lips together and giggled, Sienna smiled and, lifting both twins out of their high chairs, set them on the floor. They began to run around as their mother rinsed out their bowls and spoons and wondered, for the thousandth time, where her husband had gone. When she heard the sound of the front door open and close and her daughters’ squeals, she had her answer.

Brian carried Kara and Serena into the kitchen and met Sienna’s eyes warily. He wore the clothes he’d worn the night before and looked disheveled to no extent. Worry, annoyance, and the beginning flickers of anger coated her throat, and she swallowed it.

“Where have you been?” Oops. That hadn’t been what she’d meant to say—at least not in that angry tone.

A stubborn expression flitted across his face. “Out. I’m sorry I didn’t come home last night. I was too…tired to drive.”

Too tired? Where the hell had he been? “What was so important that you had to bolt out of here last night after the interview ended? Did you know the tap-dancing I had to do to cover up for you, to make it seem like we were the happy couple?”

He raised a brow. “You made that hard on yourself anyway. Or have you forgotten what happened during the interview? Don’t try to do me favors, Sienna. Let’s stick with being perfectly honest about what’s going on.”

“Fine. You first.” She folded her arms. “Where were you?”

“None of your business.” He could be as close-mouthed as she.

As the twins squirmed in his arms, Sienna stepped towards him to take one of them. And sniffed.

“Drinking? You were out getting drunk?! Brian!”

She was absolutely disgusted. He’d left their home, left her and their children, and gone to waste his night with alcohol? Who the hell was he becoming?

“Didn’t you learn anything from AJ?”

“Don’t.”

She closed her mouth. That was a new tone, one she’d never heard from him. His voice was low, deadly—and it terrified her.

He saw the fear in her eyes and swore. He hadn’t meant to make her afraid of him.

“Sienna, baby.” His voice was gentle again. “You know I’d rather cut off an arm than do anything to hurt you.” He ran a hand over his unruly hair. “Look, the interview was…well, it was something that I didn’t really want to go through, and, you’re right. I wasn’t happy about how it went. I just needed some time away”

“To get drunk? Brian, how did you figure drinking yourself to oblivion would make you feel any better?”

He sighed, vowing not to get angry. “I don’t know, Sienna. Okay? I. Just. Don’t. Know.”

“Well, who does? I swear, Brian, I don’t know who you are anymore. We’re either arguing or avoiding each other. And then you go and get drunk. I’ve never seen you drunk, didn’t think you’d ever do something like that. Who the hell are you?” She couldn’t stop herself from sounding angry—because she was.

Screw anger, he thought. “I’m different? I’m changing? What the hell are you doing, then? Because if I’m changing, I’m not the only one guilty of doing so! Look at you! I’ve tried to talk to you, but you blow me off every, single time! I hate that I can’t be near you, touch you, be the one you turn to! On top of that, you refuse to talk about anything relating to you, me, and how we feel about each other! I love you, Sienna! God knows why, but I do. Whenever I ask you how you’re doing, whenever I try to find out if you’re okay, you chop my head off. ‘Brian, you can’t understand. Brian, you weren’t raped, I was.’ Of course, I can’t understand because you won’t tell me! I was here for weeks without you, wondering where you were, if you were okay. I prayed that God would bring you home safely, and He did. I thought that the not knowing where you were would kill me, but it’s nothing, nothing compared to having you here and not being able to know what you want, need, or are thinking.” He blinked furiously to keep the tears from running down his cheeks. “I’d do anything for you, anything. Why won’t you let me? Why won’t you just let me love you?”

How could she fight his hurt, she wondered, when she hadn’t realized that he had that hurt stored up inside him? Had she made him think she didn’t care what he’d been feeling? The truth was, she hadn’t thought that he’d be hurting this badly. And wasn’t that worse, she realized, than knowing the one you loved was hurting?

“Brian,” she began softly, but he shook his head.

“Don’t, baby. Don’t say anything.” He rubbed his hands over his face wearily. “I need a shower, right now. I just need some time to think, okay?”

How desperately she wanted to reach out and hold him close. But she couldn’t. Just couldn’t.

Sienna nodded. “Okay.” And watched him go.

Unlocking the door, she turned to face him again and smiled. “I had a really great time tonight. I don’t think I remember the last time I went dancing, actually, so thanks.”

He smiled back. “No problem. And you really aren’t a bad dancer. I swear!”

There was something happening, she thought, and maybe it was time to just give in to it. Or what she thought it was. Obviously, he was thinking the same thing as his hand cupped her cheek, and, as his face came closer to hers, she let her eyes close. She could feel his breath on her lips and felt the anticipation bubble through her. She lifted her lips just a fraction of an inch and then

“Regan?”

Her eyes flew open and her gaze shot to the walkway leading up to her porch. He stood there, and, in the glow from her porch light, she could see his eyes wide, the shock and hurt rampaging across his features for a moment before his face became expressionless.

She moved out of Jack’s reach and left her porch to stand in front of him. “Alex. What-what are you doing here? Where’s Jordan?” She suddenly remembered leaving her child with him for a sleepover.

He shrugged. “At my place. With my mom,” he added, seeing the worry flash across her face. “She decided to surprise me and came tonight. She and Jordan were watching a movie when I left.”

“Oh.” She felt ridiculous and ashamed for thinking that he would ever neglect her son. That and, oh, the fact that he had just caught her about to have her first actual kiss with Jack. She stared down at her hands. She couldn’t meet his eyes, knowing she’d see the hurt in them and afraid of the disgust he had to be feeling. “Why did you drop by?”

He held out a cream-colored envelope. “Mom brought this with her.” When she stared from the envelope to him, he blew out a breath. “It’s Marlena and Shane’s wedding invitation. They sent yours and mine to my mom because they didn’t know either of our addresses. So, here’s yours.”

“Why would they invite me?” she wondered. “I don’t really know them that well.”

AJ shrugged again. “Because you were a big part of their lives by bringing home someone they loved very much. Will you just take the goddamned envelope?” He was perilously close to losing his temperature. Alexander James McLean did not take pain well and seeing her about to kiss another man had cut him off at the knees. He wondered how he was still standing in front of her when her date was on her porch watching them.

Could he have known how it would feel, exactly how much pain he would feel, if he saw the woman he loved in someone else’s arms? Maybe if he had known she was dating again…no, it wouldn’t have made a difference in the amount of pain he was feeling just being here, in this situation.

Regan took the envelope, careful not to let her hand touch his. “Thanks.”

“No problem.” He turned to walk back to his car. “Have a great night. I’ll have Jordan back tomorrow.”

“Okay.” She watched him get in his car and closed her eyes when she heard the squeal of his tires as he sped off.

“Regan.” A hand lay gently on her shoulder. “Are you okay?”

She stepped away from Jack and sank down onto her porch steps, burying her face in her hands. She sensed him sit next to her, but, this time, he made no move to touch her.

“That was AJ, wasn’t it?” His question was soft but surprising.

Her head came up as she turned to look at him questioningly. “How do you know about AJ?”

He gave her a small smile. “Regan, did you think that, after knowing your parents well for almost three years, I wouldn’t be in the know about what’s going on in your life?”

“Are you saying one of my parents told you about Alex and me?” At his nod, she sighed and rested her chin on her knees. “Go figure. They tell the guy I decide to date about the guy I’m in love with.”

“So it’s true, then?” His voice betrayed no emotion.

She sighed again and turned her head a little so she could see his face. “Are you mad that I would bother dating you when this, you and me, was probably going nowhere?”

He grinned, surprising her again. “Regan, Regan, Regan. Did you think I knew you so little? After two and a half years of spending time with you and Jordan, I know you better than you seem to know me. I’ve known about AJ McLean since your mother came back from Lexington and spilled it all to me.”

“Then why did you keep asking me out and then actually follow through when I agreed?”

He patted her cheek. “To see how long you’d actually deny how you felt, especially since the man moved to the area to be near you and your kid.”

“So this whole thing was a manipulation?” She was outraged. Who the hell did he think he was, playing around with her?

“Regan. You are in love with AJ McLean. He obviously loves you, too. Why the hell can’t you just let yourself love him? And, no, this was not manipulation.” He paused. “Well, maybe it was. But it’s only for your own good. You need the man, he needs you. Women,” he shook his head. “Why can’t they just make up their minds?”

Her anger deflated as quickly as it had come, she sighed. “It’s complicated, and it’s all my fault.”

Knowing she was no longer angry, he looped his arm around her shoulders and scooted her closer. “Tell Uncle Jack everything.”

And she did. She told him about when AJ had arrived on her doorstep, everything she’d felt when she’d seen him, everything she’d tried not to feel, and how she’d convinced him that he should let her go.

“So, basically, even if I went back to him and told him that my dating you was all a smokescreen for my love for him, he wouldn’t believe it. Not now,” she finished.

Jack dropped a kiss to her forehead. “And what? Fearless Regan gives up? I don’t think so.”

She took a deep breath. “It’s more complicated than that, now. There’s more to everything now.”

“What is it?”

Regan’s eyes met Jack’s. “I’m pregnant.”

The shock was apparent on his face, as was the blinding smile as he pulled her into a hug. “Congratulations! It’s obviously AJ’s, right? Why don’t you just tell the man, and then the two of you and Jordan can live happily ever after?”

“I’m afraid he’ll be disgusted by me,” she whispered. “He’ll be thrilled by the baby but upset because, knowing I’m pregnant with his child, I dated, and for all he knows, am sleeping with someone else. He’d be furious.”

“Or maybe you’re underestimating him,” Jack told her and stood. “Listen, I think you should just turn off all this worry tonight. Go in, put your feet up, and relax so that baby doesn’t come out with wrinkles, okay? I’ll see you at work tomorrow, and we’ll figure out a way for you to break the news to him and tell him you love him.”

She stood too. “I don’t think I have enough courage to do that. But I’ll work on it,” she added quickly seeing the look on his face. “Thanks for everything, Jack. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” She placed a hand on his arm. “You’re not mad, are you? About me being in love with AJ but still dating you?”

He kissed her cheek. “No, I’m not mad. I’m just happy you’re coming to your senses about who you’re really supposed to be with. Besides, there’s this woman in Transportation…” He grinned when she smacked his arm. “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay? Have a good night.”

“You, too,” she replied and watched him leave.

When his car had disappeared into the night, Regan turned and headed into her home. She slit open the invitation and noted that Marlena and Shane were planning to be wed in just over three weeks. She didn’t know if she would go or not, but something told her they would appreciate her being there. But, she’d think about it.

Slipping off her shoes, she spotted a post-it stuck to her bulletin board and yanked it off.

Brian and Sienna—Primetime, 10PM, Thursday.

Glancing over at the clock, her eyebrows shot up, and she raced to the television, flicking it on. Immediately, a copy of the flyers Brian had had posted all over the country, announcing his family missing, appeared on the screen, and Regan dropped onto the couch to watch.

On February twentieth, Brian Littrell of the Backstreet Boys was plunged into a nightmare that plagues thousands of families each year—kidnapping. Littrell’s wife and three children were snatched from the security of their home by Scott Thompson, a former boyfriend of Littrell’s wife, Sienna. Now, four months later, after their safe return and Thompson’s death, Brian and Sienna have taken the time to allow Primetime into their home to tell us, in their own words, of the nightmare they lived through.

The scene flashed to Brian and Sienna, along with Diane Sawyer, sitting in their lovely living room. Diane sat facing them, while Brian sat next to Sienna, the closest he’d been to her in months. No one but a select few knew that fact and could see the way Sienna seemed to shake, just a little.

“First of all,” Diane began, “let me just say that I am happy that your story turned out to have one of the happier endings. Many kidnappings don’t end with families reuniting, but yours did.”

Sienna nodded. “I have to thank God everyday that he brought our children and me back home where we belong.”

“Why don’t we begin at the beginning then? Do you mind telling us exactly what happened on that Tuesday in February?” Diane asked.

Brian shook his head. “Of course not. It’s not a day either of us likes to dwell on for too long these days, but”

“It did happen, and we have no choice but to think about it,” Sienna finished. “February twentieth is actually Brian’s birthday…” she began.

Her hands were clenched together, and, when they started to go numb, she wrenched them apart and tried to relax. She was no longer on the spot, she reminded herself. She’d done that interview a week ago and couldn’t go back and change what she’d said.

During the first commercial break, Liv rubbed Sienna’s shoulder comfortingly. “Relax, Si. Everything’s fine, isn’t it? I mean, you know what’s going to happen, so what could be so bad now?”

Sienna swallowed. “You’re right.” She smiled at her best friend. “Thanks for being here to watch it.”

Howie smiled back at her from over Liv’s head. “We wouldn’t be anywhere else. We know how hard everything’s been for you, so here we are.”

“And us,” Shane reminded her, sitting on her other side, his fiancée in an armchair nearby.

Her smile widened. “You guys are the best. I don’t know what I’d do without all of you.”

Shane tugged on one of her curls. “Hopefully, you’ll never know. Out of curiosity, though, where’s your husband? I’m surprised he isn’t here.”

Sienna’s smile disappeared as she remembered their last argument, the one they’d had before Brian had left for the West Coast two days before. She hadn’t been able to understand how he could just leave without talking to her about the outburst he’d had the previous Friday, but he had gone. And, here she was, feeling guilty, hurt, and angry.

“He’s in LA,” she told them.

“What’s he doing there?” Howie asked with a frown. “We didn’t have anything planned until next month. Did he have something with Reunion?”

She shook her head. “No, um. He said something about wanting to see Kelly. Monaco,” she clarified.

“Why?” Liv frowned too.

How could she explain that he was using his friend as an escape from the pain she, his wife, was causing him? Sienna didn’t think they’d understand Brian’s pain as well as they understood hers. Who could have predicted that the ones who loved victims of such atrocious crimes could also hurt? She hadn’t.

Sienna shrugged. “He didn’t say, and I didn’t really ask. He deserves to go, especially after the way this interview went,” she added.

“What…” Liv began but was cut off by the return of the program.

Taking a deep breath, Sienna turned her attention back to the interview and hoped that Brian could forgive her after everything was said and done.

“Sienna, what happened when Scott Thompson had you and your children hostage?” Diane asked now. “Did he treat you well, or did he hurt you in any way?”

Brian’s expression grew grim, while Sienna looked down at her hands then up at Diane. “He treated my children well because…” she trailed off.

Diane leaned forward. “Because...?”

Sienna pressed her lips together once then spoke. “Because he hurt me. We, Brian and I, never wanted to go public about this before because it was too painful at the time. But I think we’re ready now to face it. Scott…he…he raped me,” she finally finished, a tear sliding down her cheek at the memory.

As the interview continued, Diane gently asked Sienna why she thought Scott had abused her, among other questions, and Brian was left to helplessly watch as Sienna tearfully answered each question. Finally, Diane turned to him.

“Brian, through all of this, knowing that Thompson hurt your wife in such a hideous way, how does this make you feel? And how are you supporting her recovery from such a nightmare?”

Brian glanced over at Sienna, a worried expression on his face as he watched her wiping the tears off her cheeks. Then he looked at Diane. “It kills me to know that she was hurt, that she was in pain for even a moment. I never thought I’d be grateful that another person died, but I’m thankful that the FBI was able to destroy Scott Thompson.” He paused. “As for helping and supporting my wife,” he began.

“He’s been great. Really supportive of everything that I need in order to recover,” Sienna broke in, cutting off Brian’s thoughts. “The thing is, it hasn’t been easy to come back and be comfortable right away with the men in my life. It’s difficult to be close to them, touch them.”

“Even Brian?” Diane wondered.

Sienna bit her lip and nodded. “Even Brian. It’s so hard to not be close to the men I love because, every time they get within a foot or two of me, I lose control. I’m reminded of those horrible weeks and everything that happened.”

“So how are you able to sit next to your husband, right now?” Diane asked, gesturing to the physical closeness between Brian and Sienna.

Sienna smiled sadly. “I’m actually really nervous.” She held out her hand, and, when the camera zoomed in, her hand was visibly shaking. “Like I said, I love my husband very much, and it’s horribly painful to be unable to be near him.”

Diane smiled kindly. “Would you be more comfortable sitting where I am?”

“I-well, would it be okay if we switched places?” Sienna asked, hesitating a little.

Diane shook her head. “No problem.”

As the two women exchanged seats, Brian’s expression teetered between hurt, mortified, and annoyed, and the camera caught each one just before the interview cut to another break.

Brian buried his face in a pillow and tried not to scream. That moment in the interview had caused him to drown his sorrows in alcohol, and it had been awful to watch it again. Relive it again.

“Hey, Brian. It’s okay,” Kelly said soothingly as she rubbed his shoulder. “It wasn’t that bad.”

He sat up. “Not that bad? Are you kidding me? Kelly, the whole world now knows that Brian Littrell’s wife is afraid of him! How could that be not that bad?!”

Kelly studied him for a moment before she shook her head. “Do you think your wife, the woman you love with all your heart, meant to hurt you, humiliate you in this interview? Or did she do this interview because she wants to stop everyone from tiptoeing around the fact that she was raped and empower other women to talk about their experiences, too? Because she was raped, Brian, and nothing that you feel or do can change that fact. I’m impressed that she went on national television and had the guts to do this. Don’t you see, Brian? Can’t you see that this interview was really great for her?”

His brows shot up. Was Kelly actually defending Sienna? She was supposed to be on his side, helping him, not siding with Sienna. He glanced over at Luke to make sure his son was still peacefully sleeping and remembered the argument he and Sienna had had just before he had left to visit Kelly.

Sienna had been furious that he was leaving when things were still unresolved between them. They had never discussed their fight when he’d come home the morning after the interview’s taping. She couldn’t believe that he was leaving before they had a chance to talk about it. Running away? Probably, Brian thought, rubbing a finger over his wedding band, but at least he’d been able to bring Luke with him.

Which was another thing that had bugged the hell out of his wife. She didn’t think it was wise for their six-month-old son to travel such a far distance, but what she had really been upset over was that Brian was taking Luke away at all. Then again, if he wasn’t able to take his son with him where he pleased and spend time with him, what kind of father would he be? He was tired of not spending time with his children amidst all the arguing with Sienna and was determined that he’d be with them in whatever way he could. So, here he was, with Luke, at Kelly’s home in LA.

“Brian?”

He looked up at her, remembering that she’d just defended Sienna’s actions to him. “Yeah. Sorry. Look, I know that this could be beneficial to Sienna, but Kelly. Come on. Why am I not allowed to have any feelings on the matter? She made our marriage seem empty, false because what kind of a marriage is it when a wife is afraid to be near her husband? I love her, but I can’t handle that she’s doing this to us.”

Kelly sighed. “Okay, fine. I’ll try to understand how you’re feeling, but I can see Sienna’s side in all of this, too. That’s why I think it was ridiculous that you came all the way here when you should be in Lexington, trying to work on making your marriage better.”

“And not see how you’re doing after the bone marrow transplant?” he wondered, trying to change the subject by bringing up her ongoing battle with leukemia.

She arched a brow. “Brian, I’m fine. Seriously. I feel better than I’ve felt in a long time.” When he watched her with a look that clearly said he wasn’t buying it, she sighed. “Okay, so it sucks that the cancer cells are still there, but I am getting better. At least they let me leave the hospital and be at home. You know, outpatient chemo treatments and all.”

He smiled. “Is it just me or are you starting to gain back all that weight you lost, too?”

“She’s gaining it back,” a voice sounded from the doorway to Kelly’s den.

Brian and Kelly glanced over at the door where Kelly’s best friend, Lia Bryant, leaned against the doorjamb. Brian had only ever met the British woman once but knew that she had taken care of Kelly through the past eight months of her illness. Lia straightened and, entering the room, sank onto the couch next to Kelly, dropping a stack of envelopes in her friend’s lap.

“I decided to drop by and see how you were. I got your mail, too, darling,” she murmured before flashing Brian a smile. “Look who’s back. How are you?”

He smiled back. “I’ve been better, but I’m hanging in there.”

She nodded, her dark hair bouncing in its messy updo. “I saw part of that interview with you and your wife. I’m terribly sorry for what happened to her. I hope she’s doing well.”

“For the time being,” Brian told her.

Lia nodded then, looking past him, spotted the sleeping baby next to him. “Oh, how lovely! Is that your son?”

Brian saw the genuine delight in her nearly violet eyes and found himself grinning. “Yeah, this is Luke.” He stroked a hand over Luke’s soft hair.

“How old is he?”

“Almost seven months,” Brian answered.

“Oh!” Kelly interrupted their conversation by holding up a gilded envelope. “It’s Shane and Marlena’s wedding invitation! I didn’t even know they were engaged.” She gave Brian a questioning look.

He smiled. “They got engaged quietly. Sienna didn’t even know until a few days after it was official. But, yeah, they’re getting married. I take it you’re invited?”

She nodded. “Yeah, but I don’t know if I should go. I don’t really know them that well, just from hanging out with you and Sienna.”

Luke interrupted them by letting out a wail, but, before Brian could turn back and pick him up, Lia stepped in front of him.

“May I?” she asked him.

Brian looked between her and a crying Luke then nodded. “Sure.”

Lia scooped up the baby and rocked him, singing something softly. Brian watched with an eagle-eye just to make sure Luke was okay. Thankfully, Lia knew how to hold and soothe a baby, which allowed Brian to turn back to Kelly.

“You should definitely come,” he told her, seeing the indecision on her face.

She sighed. “I don’t know. I mean, I don’t think I’m strong enough yet to travel two thousand miles, and what if something happens? I’ll be miles away from my specialists.”

“Lexington’s got specialists for leukemia, too,” Brian reassured her. “Come on, Kelly. Be my date.”

“You have a wife, she’s your date,” Kelly pointed out.

Brian waved it off. “She’ll be busy making sure everything’s running smoothly and won’t even notice if I’m there or not. Please? Be my date?”

“Oh, Kelly. Just go already!” Lia urged her as she patted a now quiet Luke. “Nothing’s going to happen to you, and you’ll get out of this house. Have some fun!”

Kelly looked down at the card then up at Brian’s big smile. “Okay. I’ll go. But only if you talk to Sienna seriously when you get home. I mean it, Brian,” she stressed when he nodded solemnly. “I think it’s ridiculous that the two of you are letting misunderstandings come between such a great marriage. Your marriage is not going to be broken up because you neglected each other’s feelings.”

Brian looked at her, surprised. “Kelly, it’s not going to make me want to get out of my marriage. I take marriage very seriously, and I can’t imagine leaving my wife. No matter what, for richer or poorer, better or worse, ‘til death do us part. I’m with Sienna. Always.”

“Good.” Kelly nodded. “I hope you both remember that.”

“Jeez, it feels like every time I turn around, someone else is getting married,” Nick complained as he tugged at the tie that was suffocating him.

Kevin shook his head. “Nick, stop yanking at that tie. You’re going to ruin Kris’s work.” He pushed Nick’s hands aside and fixed the tie, making it easier for the younger man to breathe. “There. Happy?”

“No,” Nick muttered, trying his best not to slouch in the pew. “I don’t understand why people have to get married all the damn time.”

“Don’t curse in a church,” Brian hissed from the pew ahead of them. “Carter, show some respect!”

“Sorry,” Nick hissed back. He leaned forward and peeked at Luke, who was dressed in a suit and tie and gazing around at all the flowers, decorations, and other guests. “Hey, can I take him?”

Brian shook his head. “I want to hold onto my kid for a while, okay? I haven’t exactly seen him in the last two weeks,” he added, referring to the fact that the Boys had returned to the recording studio in LA for their next album.

Nick sat back. “Okay.”

Kevin held out his son. “Here, have my kid. For now,” he added, seeing Nick’s face light up as he took Sean. “Only a matter of time, kid, until you’re getting strapped up and waiting for your bride to walk down the aisle,” he told Nick, watching him make the baby laugh.

Nick froze and paled. “Uh-uh. There’s no way I’m getting tied down to one woman. Not in this lifetime.”

“We’ll see,” Kevin murmured, patting his shoulder.

AJ slid into the pew on the other side of Nick and greeted the other guys. “Where’s D?”

Brian turned a little to see AJ. “With Shane. You know how Howie’s got that calming effect, so Sienna recruited him to calm Shane down.”

“Gotcha.” AJ tried not to slouch. He didn’t understand why, all of a sudden, weddings were making him nervous. He’d nearly gotten married years ago, so weddings shouldn’t bother him, right? It wasn’t as though he was going to make that trip down the aisle any time soon. Not now that he’d lost the woman he loved to another man.

“Regan’s here,” Kristin murmured from Kevin’s side as she studied the other guests milling around before taking their seats.

“What?” AJ sat up, alert, and peered around.

When he spotted her, he could have sworn his heart stopped then started again with a hard bump. She looked better than he had ever imagined her in any fantasy he’d ever had. And he’d had many, he thought. She wore a deep blue, strapless dress that left her arms and shoulders bare and ended at mid-calf. There was a silver ribbon at the bodice that was tied beneath a brooch in the shape of a star. Her dark red hair was curled down her back, and AJ had the urge to run his hands through it. But he couldn’t because she wasn’t his, he reminded himself.

He turned back to face the altar, ignoring the looks he was receiving from the other guys and Kristin. When Kelly arrived and slipped into her place next to Brian, he couldn’t have been more thankful for the shift in everyone’s attention.

Regan had seen Kristin and acknowledged the other woman’s wave. She’d seen AJ when he’d turned to look at her, but she hadn’t been able to meet his gaze. She’d avoided him for the past few weeks, which had been unnecessary since he’d been in LA anyway. Jack had convinced her to come to the wedding and face AJ. Tell him everything, she thought and pressed a hand to the slight bump that her pregnancy had created. She still wasn’t sure if she would say anything today and had opted to just play it by ear. Whatever happened, happened.

As the organ, accompanied by a violin and flute, began to play the Wedding March, Regan slid into a seat to watch the ceremony begin.

***

Everything had gone beautifully. The ceremony had been perfect, and she’d had the hardest time not crying as she watched her best friend and the woman he loved marry. They were so in love and absolutely perfect together, Sienna thought. She’d enjoyed being Marlena’s matron of honor and had been delighted to train Serena and Kara to carry a basket of flowers down the aisle, scattering them.

When her eyes had met Brian’s during the exchanging of vows, she’d smiled, knowing they both remembered their own wedding. Today, though, had been Shane and Marlena’s day, and she vowed that nothing would make her unhappy. Nothing.

“Great job, General,” Brian congratulated her, holding out a champagne flute. “Everything was fantastic!”

She took the glass from him and smiled as she watched Shane and Marlena dance. “It was, wasn’t it? I’m glad it didn’t rain either, or else this whole outdoor reception would have been ruined.” She gestured towards the cloudless blue sky and the gorgeous greenery of the park where the reception was being held.

“Your mouth, God’s ear,” Brian agreed. “It snowed the night before our wedding.”

She smiled, remembering. “Yeah, but it didn’t stop us, did it?”

“No. And, here we are, eighteen months later.” He tapped her glass with his, making sure to keep a safe distance between them.

She tapped his back. “Healthier, wealthier, and wiser?” she wondered and watched Brian’s grin flash.

“I’d like to think so, but…” his smile faded.

She shook her head. “Not now, Brian. Please.”

“We’re going to have to talk sometime,” he pointed out. “It should’ve happened by now, but my schedule’s ridiculous. Sienna.”

“Not now,” she hissed, annoyance flashing across her features. “Why don’t you go dance with your date? I’m sure she’ll appreciate you more than I will right now.”

Because she wasn’t looking at him, she missed the hurt that settled in his features. “Okay,” he murmured. “But we’ll have to talk sometime.”

“Sure,” she agreed and watched him walk away.

“More trouble in paradise?” Liv spoke up as she appeared at her best friend’s side.

Sienna sighed. “I don’t want to think about it, Livvy. I want to be happy today for Marlena and Shane. I can’t worry about my husband, right now.”

“I’ve been watching the two of you move around each other all day, Si. You can’t tell me that it’s not bothering you. That and the fact that Kelly came as his date,” she added.

Sienna shook her head. “Kelly doesn’t bother me. She’s my friend, too. It’s just the fact that we don’t communicate the way we used to before. I’ve always been able to tell him everything and anything, Livvy. But, ever since I came home, it’s like there are walls between us and we can’t hear each other.”

Liv sighed. “I hate to say this because you’re my best friend and all, but, Sienna, I think you’ve been building those walls more than Brian has. I’ve seen how he’s been making the effort to help you, support you, do whatever you need, but you keep pushing him away. Obviously, the man’s bound to fight back at some point. The sweet part is, even when he has fought back, he’s felt sorry about it and tried to make it up to you. But you, on the other hand…”

Sienna turned to look Liv in the eye. “What are you saying, Livvy?”

“I’m saying that I think you’ve trapped Brian. In your eyes, he can do no right. When he tries to be what you need him to be, you’re not happy. When he fights back, you’re not happy. He has needs, too, Si. You’re not the only one in your marriage. If there’s anything I’ve learned about being married, it’s that it’s a give and take relationship. Both of you have to give as much as you get, but I think he’s been giving a hell of a lot more than he’s been getting. I know you’re still recovering from everything, but I don’t see how you’re improving the relationship you and Brian have. Every time I see him, he’s hurt and upset even though he tries to pass it off as being tired or whatever. Sienna,” Liv placed a hand on her friend’s arm. “If you can’t be the wife he needs, he deserves, then do the merciful thing. Let him go.”

When Liv had disappeared back into the crowd, Sienna continued to watch the newlyweds, shock still careening through her system at her oldest friend’s words. Was she really not being a good wife to Brian? Though a part of her screamed Not true!, another part knew that Liv was right. When she’d first met Brian, he’d been upset, hurt over the fact that the woman he had once loved had left him for someone else. She’d hated seeing him so alone and unhappy and had vowed that he’d never feel that way again. But, here they were, five years later, and, this time, she’d caused his unhappiness again. She couldn’t even say that some of it was his fault because, when she thought about the last few months, she remembered that he had done all she let him do. And for what? For nothing, Sienna realized sadly.

Was Liv right? Should she be kind enough, compassionate enough to stop the man she loved from hurting? It would kill her to leave him, not to mention what it would do to their children, but wouldn’t it be worse to watch Brian suffer, as he was already, for the rest of their lives? She wasn’t sure she’d ever be able to give him what he needed, physically and emotionally. Brian deserved to be happy, and she wanted it for him. So, what should she do?

Questions whirling through her head, she let herself get caught up in the crush of merry guests and tried not to think of the decisions that lay before her.

***

He forced a smile onto his face as he headed over to where Kelly sat. Sienna was right, nothing was going to ruin today. Not even the impending argument he was sure they were going to have the next day. He didn’t want to think about it at the moment, so he made sure to think happy thoughts.

“Who do you think you’re fooling, Littrell?”

Brian tried not to let the smile slide off. “I’m not joking about anything, Kelly. What are you talking about?”

She rolled her eyes as he sank into the chair next to hers. “I didn’t come here as your date so you could be miserable, you know.”

“This whole thing is stupid,” he muttered. “Not the wedding, of course. God knows, I’m thrilled that Shane and Marlena are so happy, but I hate fighting with her. I hate that I can’t fight with her because she’s so good at killing my argument before I even make it.” He sighed. “The one good thing about today is that you’re here. So, wanna dance?”

She studied his face, knowing he was unhappy and shoving his feelings aside. “I’m not sure I have the energy to dance like everyone out there. You should’ve seen AJ earlier. I didn’t know anyone could move like that. And, look,” she pointed to the dance floor. “Howie and Liv salsa dancing is just the cutest thing ever.”

“They’re the cutest thing ever,” Brian mimicked her and earned a smack on the arm. “Hey. They are. I wasn’t making fun of you, honestly.”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m still not dancing because I know I’ll pass out. There’s not enough oxygen in my blood for me to shake it like I did on that show.”

“Aww, no Dancing With the Stars for Kelly?” Brian pouted. “It’s okay. I’ll drag you out there eventually. Maybe during a slow song. It’s not like you have to use a whole lot of energy for those.”

“Maybe,” she murmured absently, focusing on someone else.

Brian tried to follow her gaze and failed. “Whatcha lookin’ at?”

“Regan and AJ. He’s avoided her this whole time, but, every time she’s not looking in his direction, he’s looking over at her.” Kelly shook her head. “It feels like high school all over again.”

Brian sighed. “They’re both just in love with each other and too stubborn to admit it. I wish people would just see what’s right in front of their eyes and deal with it. Those two are at the top of that list of people,” he added, noting that Regan was currently sitting alone, while AJ was fifty yards away, talking to Kevin and trying to subtly sneak peeks at Regan.

“Hmm. You know, I think you should take your own advice, Brian, and figure out what’s going on with this hair of yours. How long do you think you can fake being a blonde and losing your hair, huh?” Kelly teased him. “Because, seriously, that comb-over is not fooling anyone!”

Brian gasped. “You did not just say that!”

“I did!”

“Well then. Well.” Brian acted insulted and speechless, all the while running his fingers through his thinning hair. “I’m letting the blonde grow out now, you know. That’s gotta count for something.”

She grinned. “I think you’d be much cuter as a brunette.”

***

She tried not to dwell on the fact that they kept staring at each other and pretending not to notice the other even existed. She had to admit that, apart from the avoidance contest, she was enjoying herself. She’d spent time with Brian’s parents, Sienna’s aunts and uncles, and the other Backstreet Boys and their respective spouses. Somehow, she’d become a part of their circle and appreciated them allowing her into it. They were wonderful to be around, even if they were not so subtle about prying into her feelings about AJ. Jackie Littrell had all but asked her if she was still interested in AJ, but Harold had saved her from the worst of the questions, Regan was sure.

She was more than thankful that she wasn’t noticeably pregnant because that would have gotten her all sorts of attention. And, speaking of pregnancy, she thought. She was certain that she’d have to tell AJ about their baby sooner rather than later. Which meant now.

She stood and, folding her arms protectively over her belly, began to make her way towards where he stood with Kevin, Kristin, and Nick. He was tossing a giggling Bridget Richardson in the air, and the grin on his face made her heart ache. Would he be this playful, happy, and loving with their child as he was with his friends’ children? She hoped so, but she’d have to get through telling him first.

“Regan?”

Biting back a groan and knowing that she’d have to wait on facing him, she turned and found herself facing Denise. The cavalry, she thought before she smiled.

“Denise, hi! How are you?”

Denise gave her a light hug and stepped back, smiling. “You look absolutely wonderful, today! I was hoping you’d come and spend time with the Backstreet gang. I’m so glad that it didn’t rain because everything and everyone looks great, don’t you think?”

Regan nodded. “It’s a great wedding and reception. I’m glad I came.” She found herself watching AJ play with Bridget again.

Denise noticed what had caught Regan’s attention and couldn’t help but cheer inside. “I wanted to thank you, too, for allowing Alex to spend so much time with Jordan. Alex really loves your son, and I couldn’t help but come to love Jordan, too. It’s almost as though I have that grandchild that I keep wishing for, you know?”

Regan felt her heart race a little, thinking how close Denise was to the truth. If you only knew. “It’s not a problem. I mean, Jordan loves Alex, too, so it works both ways. Besides, it’s nice that Jordan has someone he can look up to.”

“Like a father?” Denise wondered, smiling. “I was always grateful that Alex’s uncle was there as a father-figure for him when he was growing up, so I understand that need for your child to have both parents. It’s so important for children to have a mother and father’s love, don’t you think? Not that Jordan’s lacking for anything,” she added quickly. “But it’s always a blessing when a child can count on both parents. It’s probably a plus for the parents, too, I think. I mean, I see how Kevin and Kristin and Howie and Olivia are with their children. They lean on each other and have someone they can share their child’s milestones with. It’s certainly one of the advantages I’ve noticed that married couples have over single parents.”

Regan managed a smile. “I think a happy marriage is certainly the best environment to bring a child into, but, as we both know, it’s not the only one.”

“Of course not,” Denise agreed. “I don’t think I could’ve raised my child better if I had had a man there with me, but I do think children need the stability that’s found more often in families where the parents are together.” She shook her head. “I’m sorry. I didn’t plan on having this conversation with you at all.” She patted Regan’s arm. “You and Jordan are the perfect family, but I’m thanking you for allowing Alex into it a little. And, now, I think you should go socialize with someone who’s not such an old woman.”

Regan placed a hand on Denise’s. “I’m glad I was able to spend time with you. Really. And you’re always welcome in my home, too.”

Denise grinned. “Leave that door open, hon, because I’ll be there! But not now,” she added. “I just saw someone I’ve been meaning to talk to, so I’ll see you later.” And she was gone.

Regan sighed. Everything Denise said had made sense. She’d always worried that Jordan would grow up different, somehow, from other children his age because he didn’t have a father. She’d always be thankful that her parents had been married when she’d been younger because it had given her a solid foundation. Maybe Denise was onto something when she said that children could better flourish when their parents were married and devoted to their family.

Maybe, Regan mused, which meant she had to find AJ and soon. She didn’t want her courage to run out. When she spotted him through the crowd, she maneuvered her way through tables, chairs, dancing couples, and other guests. AJ stood talking animatedly to Kelly about his unique dancing techniques, and Regan watched him for a moment. He was…well, he was everything to her now, and she had to find a way to convince him that they were better off together than apart.

Taking a deep breath, she stepped forward and tapped his shoulder. When he turned to see who it was, surprise flitted across his face. “Hi.”

Relax, relax. She smiled. “Hey.” She looked past him to Kelly. “Hi! How are you?”

“Not bad, all in all,” Kelly replied. She hadn’t told anyone but Brian about the leukemia and wasn’t about to start.

Regan nodded. “Good. That’s good.” She turned back to AJ. “Can I…can I talk to you, please? In private?”

He shrugged, wondering what she could possibly want to tell him. “Sure. I’ll catch you later, Kelly.”

Kelly nodded and, watching them walk away from the reception, hoped things would go well for someone.

They found an empty bench set far enough away from the party that it was private enough for them to have a conversation without being interrupted. Regan sat down and noted that AJ left a good two feet between them when he settled onto the bench. Not knowing where to begin, she was silent.

After a few moments, AJ couldn’t handle the quiet and cocked his head, watching her curiously and knowing that any anger he’d felt had disappeared. “Regan, what did you want to talk to me about?”

She looked up at him, her fingers playing nervously with the ribbon on her dress. “It’s a couple things, but I wanted to thank you for spending so much of your time with Jordan. I’m sorry that I started turning you into a babysitting service for him.”

He shrugged. “I love Jordan, so spending time with him wasn’t and could never be a problem. At least until the day he asks me if he can get a tattoo. Sorry, Regan, but I’ll have to say absolutely not to that request.”

She grinned. “God, if Jordan ever wanted a tattoo I’d need someone there to prevent him from doing it. I don’t think I’d be strong enough to say no to him.”

“I think you are and you could. You’ve got the strong mother gene,” AJ assured her.

“I hope so,” she whispered then shook her head. “Anyway, I wanted to explain what happened three weeks ago. You know, when you dropped off the wedding invitation.”

He waved it off, not wanting the mental image of Regan with another man. “Don’t worry about it. You’d said you wanted to explore, and I can’t stop you from dating whoever you want.”

She shook her head. “Alex. There’s nothing between Jack and me. Jack’s the one I was with that night,” she clarified.

He nodded. “I know. Jordan told me Jack taught him to play baseball and takes him to his games. You don’t have to explain.”

“No, really, I do. Jack knew that there was something between you and me, and he was hoping that I would come to my senses about the way I…” She stopped and looked down at her hands.

“The way you…?” AJ prompted.

She looked up into his eyes. “The way I really feel about you.”

“And? Have you?” Could he hope? Dare he believe that she might love him the way he loved her?

Regan bit her lip. “Yeah, I have. Jack told me that he’d known about us that night, after you left. I have to say I was relieved that he wasn’t mad, that he knew all about it because I didn’t want to hurt him. I’d already figured out my feelings. The thing is, Alex, there’s so much more to what’s between us now.”

He frowned. “Huh? What do you mean?”

She held his gaze. “I’m pregnant. And, considering the fact that you’re the only man I’ve been with in the last nine years, it’s a pretty safe bet that this baby is ours.”

Regan watched as disbelief, shock, then, finally, joy streaked across his face. AJ leapt up, whooped, and swept her off her feet, spinning the both of them around. Setting her down, he lay a hand gently on her belly and felt the slight bump that their child had already created.

“Hot damn! A baby! Us!” He couldn’t stop grinning. It was like God had just given him a ready-made family—one he’d dreamed of for so long. And now…now that dream was coming true. “When?”

She couldn’t help but feel the same joy that was running through him. Everything was going to be okay. No, she corrected herself. Better than okay. She had the man she loved and her child—no, their children. Because Jordan was AJ’s son in almost every way already.

She took a deep breath. “In January. Alex, will you…” She broke off, shaking her head, nervous because she’d never thought she’d ever ask anyone this most important of questions.

He cupped her cheek and tipped her face up to meet her eyes. “What’s up, baby?”

She smiled. “Will you marry me?” And watched the shock light his face again. “I mean, I think if we’re going to have a baby, it’s going to need both of us there to take care of it. And I think it would be great if we just got married, so we could give this baby and Jordan the perfect home and the best foundation, you know? So, will you marry me?”

He was no longer touching her as the shock had made his hands numb. He could see the smile in her eyes, though her face was serious. She was serious. And it was his heart that was breaking.

AJ sighed. “No.”

The happiness on her face died. “No? What do you mean ‘no’?”

He shook his head. “Regan, I will always love you and Jordan, and, now, our baby. But I think we can give Jordan and this baby a solid foundation without being married. I’ll be there for all three of you absolutely whenever you need me, but we can raise a baby without being married. So the answer is still no. I won’t marry you.”

Unable to stand around and watch as the hurt, that was making it impossible for him to breathe, flashed across her face, AJ turned and walked back to happier family and friends, his heart trailing in the dirt behind him.

***

She could hear his footsteps on the stairs and poured coffee into a mug, mixing in the sugar and creamer the way she knew he liked it. When Brian entered the kitchen, she moved away from the counter and handed him the cup, a smile on her face.

“Good morning,” she greeted him cheerfully.

He nodded and gulped down the mug. Running a hand over his damp hair, he gave her a quizzical smile. “Good morning to you, too. I take it you slept well.”

Sienna grinned and slid into a chair at the table. “Really well. But I think it’s knowing that Shane and Marlena are happy and enjoying a well-deserved honeymoon in Ireland that’s making me happy.” She patted the space near hers at the table. “Sit, Bri.”

Had he walked into the twilight zone? She had fixed him coffee the way he liked it, she was smiling at him, and now she wanted him to sit next to her? He shrugged to himself. Hey, if it was the twilight zone, he’d take it.

Brian settled in at the table and smiled at her. “I love you, Sienna.”

“I love you, too,” she murmured. “Brian, I know I haven’t been the easiest person to be married to lately. I mean, I’ve been keeping you at arm’s length—probably more. You’ve been nothing but supportive, and I’ve hurt you. I’m sorry.”

He shook his head. “I’d do anything for you, Sienna. You know that. All I want is for you to be happy, with me. And I’m afraid that I’ve screwed that up for you. For us.”

She sighed. “You haven’t, Brian. You’ve been the perfect husband, but I haven’t been close to the kind of wife you need. I’m so sorry for that.”

He watched her carefully as he chose his next words. “Sienna, I want to be able to be with you, touch you, hold you. The thing is, I don’t need that so much as I need you and me to be on the same level concerning us. All I need is for you and me to never forget that we love each other, despite whatever obstacles life tosses in our way.”

“And you’ll always do anything I ask of you. Right, Brian?” she whispered.

He nodded, flickers of worry fluttering through him at the sadness that filled her face. “Anything. For better or worse, baby, it’s you and me.”

She could feel the tears filling her eyes. “And if I asked you to do something that you didn’t want to do, like that interview, you’d do it, wouldn’t you?”

He wanted, quite desperately, to reach out and hold her. Fight off whatever was making her so unhappy. “If it makes you happy, baby, I’d do it. Will you tell me what’s bothering you?”

She brushed aside the tears that had started to seep down her cheeks. “Brian, if I begged you to do something, something that you hated, something you were against two hundred percent…would you still do it?”

“Don’t cry, Sienna. It rips me apart.” He watched, helpless, as the tears poured down her cheeks. “Yes, okay, yes. I’d do anything, even if it killed me. I love you so much. God, don’t cry,” he whispered.

She managed a watery smile and tried to dry her face. “I love you, too. Which is why I need you to do something for me, Brian. I’m going to need you to put aside the fact that your first instinct will be to refuse. Please. I need you to do this one, last thing for me.”

Alarm bells were sounding distantly in his mind, but all Brian could see was the sorrow in her eyes. “Tell me what it is, and I promise I’ll do whatever I can to do what you need.”

Sienna took a deep breath, knowing there would be no turning back. She met his gaze and held it.

“I want a divorce.”

He loved driving. He loved leaving the windows down, the music up, and the wind streaming through his hair—such as it was. When he was in his “driving zone,” he didn’t much care when traffic signals stopped him, he didn’t care that the guy in the car behind his was flipping him off because he was driving like a lunatic. He just didn’t care about the world in general when he drove.

And, boy, was he driving now.

The speedometer, the last time he’d bothered to glance at it, had been inching towards ninety. In a forty-five mile per hour area. It didn’t bother him in the least that he was probably going to be stopped by a cop somewhere because paying off a ticket was the least of his problems. Not that he was thinking about his problems. No sir, not him. That cop could take his ticket and stuff it. That thought was surprising all in itself because Brian Littrell was a law-abiding citizen—on most days. Of course, today was not “most days,” and he knew it.

When he spotted the house, he slowed down and turned into the driveway. He could see a straw hat bobbing between shrubbery and grinned. Jumping out of the car, he hurried to the flowerbeds and knelt beside the one woman who had never let him down nor doubted him.

“Mom.”

She turned, startled, and grinned when she saw who it was. “Brian! Did I know you were going to stop by this morning?”

He shook his head. “Nope. I just thought I’d drop by and surprise you. It’s been a while since I’ve seen you.”

“Baby, I just saw you yesterday at the wedding,” she reminded him, affection apparent in her voice.

He shrugged. “I felt like seeing my mom again. What’s wrong with that?” he wondered before pulling her into a hug. “I love you, Mom. You’re one of the best things in my life.”

Jackie hugged him back, worried now. When he pulled away, she cupped his face and peered into his eyes. “What’s wrong, Brian?”

He couldn’t meet her all-knowing gaze, so he looked past her at the flowerbeds. “Hey, Mom. You’re not gonna believe this, but I can tell you what all your flowers are called. Isn’t that awesome?” He reached around her to point to each one. “That’s a hydrangea bush, gerber daisies, sunflowers, and, look, is that bougainvillea on your trellis? I didn’t know we had one of those here.” He looked back at her.

“Baby, my baby. Tell me what’s hurting you,” she asked again, holding onto his hand when he tried to pull away.

“Nothing. Nothing’s wrong. Everything’s peachy.” He offered her his world-famous smile, knowing full well she’d see right past it.

Jackie wracked her mind to think of what could have put the hurt in her youngest son’s eyes. “Is it the babies?” He shook his head. “Okay, how about Sienna? How’s she doing?” When the light in his eyes flickered, she knew she’d gotten to the source of the problem. “What happened between you and Sienna, Brian? Did you argue? Is she okay?”

Now that his mother had brought her up, Brian had no choice but to think of his wife. She’d dropped the bombshell in his lap, and he’d been, well, stunned was too weak a word to describe his feelings. Because he hadn’t been able to think of anything to say, he’d stood and, grabbing his keys, driven away. He had done exactly what Kelly had accused him of doing, and he was sure Sienna would say the same thing when he returned. Running away. He couldn’t even bring himself to think the word. Divorce. He shuddered.

“Mom.” This time the word was whispered.

How was it possible the sun was shining, the birds were singing, and the flowers blooming when his heart was in tatters? He couldn’t think about anything but the scene that he’d left behind in his kitchen. Running away was the only option he could even think about because anything else was too painful.

“Brian.” Jackie was terrified as she watched the myriad of expressions rampaging across his face while he sat silently, staring at the grass at his feet.

When he looked up at her, his blue eyes were filmed over with tears. “Mom.” His voice wavered on the single syllable.

Not speaking, she gathered him into her arms and rocked him as she had when he’d been a baby and fussy. “Let it go, baby. Just let yourself cry.”

He shook his head. “I can’t. I can’t. I can’t think about it. Can’t help but think about it.”

“What is it, Brian? What happened between yesterday and this morning that’s hurt you so much? Can’t you tell me?”

He bit his lip to hold the tears at bay. “Sienna…I…we…” His voice trailed off as he stared hard at the band on his left hand, remembering all it symbolized. All the love that raged within him for the woman the ring stood for.

“What is it, baby duck?”

He looked up into the eyes that had brought him through the good and the bad. Eyes that were surrounded by lines age had given her. Lines that were now creased in worry. For him.

“She wants a…a…divorce,” he managed before he broke.

Jackie held him as he wept. She was shocked at his words, at what her daughter-in-law, a woman she considered her own child, had suggested. If she’d heard it from anyone else, she wouldn’t have believed it. How was it possible that they’d survived the nightmare of the kidnapping only to be hit with such a blow now? Would things never return to normal, to happy for her son?

Knowing that she had reached the point in her life as a mother where she couldn’t fix her son’s pain, she held him closer and prayed.

***

“This is not possible. This is not happening.” She glanced from her boarding pass to her seat and wanted to smack herself.

“You shouldn’t be carrying heavy things. Here, let me do it.” He leapt up from his seat beside hers and took the bag she carried before she could stop him. Stowing it away in the overhead compartment, he settled into his seat again and tugged her down next to him.

“This isn’t possible. It really isn’t,” she insisted again, even as he reached around her to buckle in her seatbelt.

“Tell me if the buckle’s too tight because I don’t know what’s comfortable or not for the baby,” he replied, glancing down at her barely there pregnancy bulge.

She rolled her eyes. “It’s fine. But I’m still not sure this isn’t all a dream.” She hadn’t forgiven him for turning her down, stomping on her heart, and she wasn’t about to let him get away with it. “Of all the flights back to DC,” she muttered to herself.

He pinched her arm lightly. When she yelped and smacked his hand away, he grinned. “Nope. Not a dream. Relax, Regan. I’m not going to jump you. Though that would definitely make me a member of the Mile High Club,” he added with a grin.

She tried not to smile. “That’s disgusting.”

He patted her knee. He wasn’t ready to consider the consequences of the day before on the future of their tentative relationship. Did his rejection of her proposal mean that they were going to be pissy with each other from now on? Was their child going to be raised in an angry environment? Her obvious annoyance was signaling him that way, but he didn’t want that road. He’d stopped himself from dwelling on the fact that she’d proposed, and, if he’d been any less sure of what he wanted from her, they would be engaged right now. Instead, she was sniping at him, and he was doing his best to be cheerful.

“Has the pregnancy been hard so far?” he asked, surprising both of them with his question. He hadn’t meant to ask the question.

She blinked. “Um. Not so bad. I had morning sickness for a while. When you came…when you came to my house that first time, I was home early from work because I hadn’t been feeling well.”

“So you didn’t know you were pregnant yet?”

Regan shook her head. “No, not until the next day.”

AJ was surprised, and annoyed, now. “And you waited a month to tell me? I saw you just about every other day for a month, and you couldn’t have just told me then? Have you told anyone else?”

“Only Jack. I figured he deserved the truth because I was using him to distract myself from thinking about you. Other than that, only my doctor knows,” she told him.

He folded his arms and stared hard at the tarmac outside the airplane, wondering when the flight was going to leave.

“Alex.” She placed a hand over his. “I was afraid to tell you because I didn’t know if you would be angry with me for carrying your child and dating someone else.”

“I wasn’t.” That thought hadn’t even crossed his mind. Would they be forever second-guessing each other?

“I know. I know that, but I wasn’t sure at the time.”

He turned to stare at her for long moments before he spoke. “Does this throw a wrench in your plans?”

Plans? “What plans?”

He blinked. “Um. Hello? If I remember correctly, the reason you didn’t want to get involved with me was that you had plans to explore your options, live your life. Wasn’t that what you said?”

She had said that. “I guess I did say that.” She sighed. “I left the Bureau three weeks ago and am working for the private sector now. I’m not going to lie and tell you that I’m looking forward to asking for maternity leave. I just got started and, while it takes away from the glow of the move a little bit, I’ve never been more excited about something in my life. Alex,” she smiled now. “We’re going to have a baby! Once I got over the initial shock, I was thrilled. We’re going to have someone to take care of, someone who’s sure to have the best of both of us. How could I not be happy? Plans, shmlans,” she added, waving them off.

“So you’re happy?”

She nodded. “Aren’t you?”

He smiled now, too. “The shock was…wow. I was thinking about it last night, and I know it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. You, Jordan, our baby—all of it. I have everything I’ve ever dreamed of, and I couldn’t be happier.”

Not even if you married me? The thought popped into her mind, and Regan squished the hurt she hadn’t been able to get rid of entirely. Instead, she smiled. “We’re going to have a lot of fun shopping for baby things. I think I have some of Jordan’s old things, but if it’s a girl, we’re going to need a lot more accessories, you know?”

He grinned. “You’ve never had the great opportunity to have the Alexander James McLean Shopping Experience. Our baby, girl or boy, is going to be the most fashionable baby in the world. Trust me.”

She did. Completely. With everything in her life, and she only wished she could tell him that somehow. As their jet finally began its takeoff, she pressed her hands over her belly and closed her eyes. She wasn’t a big fan of flying to begin with, but now she was worried about the effect such a bumpy ride would have on her baby. Though her doctor had claimed it was okay in the first trimester and a half, she wasn’t sure.

“Don’t worry, it’s almost over,” AJ said soothingly, as he laid his own hand over hers. He was surprised when she turned one hand over and laced her fingers with his. He’d expected her to shake his hands off and claim she was fine.

She gave him a small smile. “We’ve got half an hour to kill. Distract me. Please.”

“Okay.” He lifted her hand to his lips. “When do you want to tell Jordan he’s going to be a big brother?”

Well, that was certainly distracting. When was she going to tell her son? Regan didn’t know. In the worry over telling AJ about their child, she’d completely forgotten to worry about her son’s reaction.

“I don’t know,” she answered honestly. “I hadn’t really thought about it.”

“When this plane lands, we can go pick him up from your mom’s place and tell him. Together. How’s that sound?”

Now she raised their joined hands to her lips, grateful. “It sounds perfect.”

***

Sienna opened the front door and winced. Internally. Ah, the cavalry, she thought. She supposed he was entitled to confide in someone as she had confided in Liv already.

She’d been surprised that he hadn’t said anything when she’d asked for the divorce. He’d gotten up and walked out the door. She hadn’t bothered going after him, knowing it was futile. She’d hurt him deeply, and he probably needed time to get past the initial shock and hurt before he could speak to her. Or so she thought. Hoped. It was obvious from her current visitor that he’d gone where everyone went when they were hurt. Home.

“Jackie.” She forced a smile, thinking of the inevitable conversation. “It’s great to see you. How are you?”

Jackie pushed her sunglasses onto her forehead and stared hard at Sienna. “Confused.”

Sienna sighed and held the door open so Jackie could enter. “I think we’d better sit.”

“Where are my grandbabies?” Jackie asked as she settled into an armchair in the living room.

Sienna sat across from her mother-in-law. “They’re with Kevin and Kristin. I know Nick’s over there, so I thought it would be nice if they got to spend time with someone they don’t see very often.”

Jackie nodded. “That’s good.” She paused. “Why don’t you tell me why you’re hurting my son so badly?”

Sienna swallowed the nerves. The moment of truth. “I can’t stand watching him hurt every time I push him away because I can’t be with him, so the easiest thing to do is let him go. Set him free.”

“Setting him free when all he wants is to stay in where he is? Where he’s happy?”

Sienna shook her head. “Brian’s not happy. I’ve done nothing but make him miserable because I’ve been selfishly looking out for myself since…since everything happened.”

“Since you were raped.” When Sienna nodded, Jackie continued. “How much does that have to do with your decision to ask for a divorce?”

“Quite a bit,” Sienna admitted. “Jackie, I can’t be the wife Brian needs me to be. He needs someone who’ll be able to love him, physically and emotionally. I can be there emotionally, but the physical is practically out of the question. I can’t touch him, can’t bear the idea of him, or any man, touching me. The therapist I go to keeps telling me that I’m well on my way to being fully recovered, but, if that’s true, I can’t feel the terror dissipating at all. I can’t see myself being, well, intimate with anyone for the foreseeable future. With all that, I don’t see how my marriage is going to be happy ever again.”

Jackie leaned forward and grasped Sienna’s hand. “Do you think sex is all that makes up a marriage?”

She shook her head. “No, but it is important. Do you think you and Harold would have had the same relationship you have now if it hadn’t been for the physical aspect of your marriage?”

Jackie had to admit Sienna had a point. Sort of. “Honey, I can see the point you’re trying to make, but, ask yourself, has Brian even hinted that he wants out of your marriage? Has he ever said that he’s tired of you playing tug-of-war with his emotions? That he wants to make love with you even though he knows you’re not ready for that?”

“I’ve disappointed him by letting the world know that we have distance in our marriage,” Sienna replied. “We had such arguments over that interview last month, and he still went through with it.”

“Because he loves you,” Jackie pointed out. “He wants whatever it takes to make you happy.”

“Even when it hurts him?” Sienna wondered then shook her head. “I can’t be happy when I can see that he’s upset. If we separate, he’ll be able to find someone else who’ll love him the way I can’t. He’ll be happier, I know it.”

Jackie sighed. “Do you really believe he’ll be able to even look at another woman as long as he’s in love with you?”

“If we continue on the way we are, he won’t love me for much longer. I don’t want him to resent me for trapping him, so I want to let him go while we can still be friends,” Sienna explained. “I want us to be able to raise our children together without being angry with each other all the time. Please, Jackie, please try to understand.”

Much as she despised admitting that Sienna really believed she was doing this for Brian’s sake, Jackie hated the idea of divorce and the fact that it would surely kill her son to lose the woman he loved.

“I can’t agree with it, dear,” she finally said. “But I’ll tell you this. I think it’s too soon to give up. Just wait. That’s all I’m asking. Just wait, and, if things get worse, then think about counseling, anything. Leave divorce as the last resort. Okay?”

Sienna nodded. “I’ll think about it.”

***

Brian found her where his mother had left her. She sat on a sofa in the living room, staring at the vase of lilies on the side table. She looked lost in thought, and his first instinct was to walk away and leave the inevitable argument for later. His mother had convinced him to talk things over with Sienna, seek counseling, and giving their relationship more time to heal before admitting defeat. The truth was, Brian thought now, that he never wanted to admit defeat. He knew, without a doubt, that Sienna was the only woman he’d ever be in love with, and he’d fight the devil himself before he let her go.

“Sienna.”

She looked up and, seeing him, smiled slightly. “You’re home. Sit, please.”

He nodded and sat in the chair his mother had been sitting in hours before. “I’m sorry I walked out this morning without saying anything. I was too shocked to speak and was afraid that I’d regret anything that might spill out. Forgive me?”

Sienna shook her head. “I don’t need to forgive you, I wasn’t angry with you. I’d rather you forgive me for hurting you.”

He sighed. “I can’t let you go, Sienna. You’re a part of me, and I can’t lose you. It would kill me, can’t you see that?”

“I know. I didn’t want to think about divorce or us being apart, but, every time I see how you’re hurting, I can’t help but think that you might be better off without me. I can’t give you what you need.”

“What? What do you think I need?”

She pressed her lips together, trying to pick the best words. “Brian, I can’t be with you, physically. And, before you say we can have a marriage without sex, think about it. Can you really imagine spending the rest of our lives together without having any sort of physical contact?”

He shook his head. “You’re going to recover, Sienna. You’re going to get past this, and, one day, we’ll be able to make love again. As much as I’d love to be with you, I can wait.” He smiled. “I promise, I’m not some sex-crazed teenager.”

“I know you’re not, but I don’t know if I’m ever going to fully recover enough to be intimate with any man. I won’t watch you be a monk for the rest of your life,” she insisted.

He held up a hand. “Actually, being a monk wouldn’t be so bad because they have awesome outfits and spend a lot of time praising God. There’s nothing wrong with being a monk.”

Sienna couldn’t hold back the smile, but she still sighed, exasperated. “I love you, Brian, but please don’t joke about this. I want you to be happy.”

His face was serious now. “We took vows, Sienna. I promised to cherish, honor, and love you through the good and the bad, through everything. I took those vows seriously, and I’m going to be here ‘’til death do us part’. You’re it for me, baby. If we get a divorce, I’ll spend my life alone, without you. I’d rather be with you and physically separated instead of spending my life without you.”

Her heart was swelling with everything she felt for him. “Me, too, Brian.”

“Okay. Okay, then.” Relief coursed through him. “Then let’s just trash the divorce idea. If we need help, we’ll get counseling, but divorce isn’t an option. Can we agree on that?”

Though she was sure all their best intentions wouldn’t get them anywhere, she nodded. “Okay.”