Jackie sat outside on the whicker chair watching her two boys, and their best friends scrimmage in the yard. It was good to see them have a bit of fun since they were going to be leaving Kentucky for sure. Brian was only eight, but still the sadness at leaving the only home he knew was evident in his actions he had portrayed in the past weeks. Baker took it in stride for the most part, which was typical since he was a little older and had moved from place to place when she and her husband were first married.

“Mom” Brian walked up to her, resting his hands on her knees patting them to get her attention, her eyes had diverted to her mischievous thirteen year-old-son who was climbing a tree “Mom!” Brian said again, she looked at him, looking at his hair; it was getting a little long.

“What?” she asked smiling putting her glass of ice tea down.

“Davie and I want to go and play in the field down by the creek.”

“No” Jackie said.

“Please” he begged holding his hands up clasped together.

“Brian, I’m not letting you go down there, I don’t want you to get into anything, you remember your –“

“Please I swear” his blond hair blew with the small gust of wind “Baker will come with us.” He plead again before she elucidated what a nervous breakdown she would be if he were hurt.

“Baker” Jackie called watching as her son, dropped from the tree, bracing himself once he hit the ground with his hands and his bent legs “your father would kill you if he saw you in that” she whispered to herself as she watched. Patting her leg again Brian made his best puppy face. “No, Brian, I already told you.”

“C’mon Mom” Baker said wandering over with his best friend “We’ll keep an eye on him.”

Jackie looked up at the sky, it was mid-noon, and she supposed they could go for a couple of hours then be back “Alright, but Baker, I want you with him, you understand.” She said, Baker, who was twisting from side to side making his best friend laughed, nodded in a quick agreement ‘Baker” she said looking at him hard, after having that scare with Brian’s defect she wanted to make sure he was ok.

“I will, I promise” Baker said smiling, he stopped his twisting, and grabbed onto Brian’s shirt. Jackie looked down at him “I will” he said.

Jackie sat back in her chair, looking at all four boys, after a few moments she sighed “I want you back in two hours.”

“Yes!” Brian jumped in the air, he was so excited, he was actually going with the big boys, it wasn’t too far, but Brian had never been there without his parents. They ran through the fields jumping and dogging prickly branches the whole way, it was like a race to see who could make it to the creek first.

They made it past the farthest tree that marked where the terrene changed. Making their way through little rocky knolls Baker made Brian stick between him and Basely, his best friend. It was a nice day, with only a few clouds hours away from touching anywhere near their county, a soft wind that took the edge off the heat from the summer day.

“I can here the creek” Davie said excited as they made it out of the rock bound area towards the fields. All four boys bolted in the direction of the running water. After they found it everyone started at it in excitement, it was early spring and the water was just below flood level, perfect for swimming in if you could find a small inlet, so far the closest one was on a hunter’s property at least a good few miles down further. This place was safe though; it was fenced off from the hunting grounds and barricaded against a large ridge.

Baker and Basely wandered around the area trying to find their spot where they had hidden their toys the last time they had come out while Brian and Davie set out on their adventure of throwing rocks into the creek “Brian, Mom want’s you to stay away from the creek.” Baker yelled watching the two boys scoot closer and closer.

Glaring back at his big brother, Brian stuck his tongue out and continued his armature rock-skipping game. It was tough for the two to get along at times especially since Brian had been out of the hospital. Baker seemed to have to make it his mission in life to point out things Brian wasn’t supposed to be doing. Baker stuck his tongue out back and then went back to searching for his G.I. Joes.

Two hours passed quickly as the boys started their own game of hide and seek, the tall grass and random bushes made for good hiding places, they had staked out their boundaries and everyone was enjoying the cooling air the incoming clouds brought.

“..Six, Five, Four, Three, Two, One” Baker said, he was leaning against the tree, the only one that was within the perimeters, his eyes shut as he counted “Ready or not here I come!” he said wandering around, it was only a span of at least twelve yards that any of the boys would dare to go, if they went to far south they would reach the ridge, to far to the east the river would cut them off, to far to the west was a horse farm and if they went back, they would be heading back towards the house.

Baker saw a red shirt, hiding behind one of the bushes not far away and smiled to himself, eight-year-olds made it all the easier to play, he had found Davie Messing, his brother’s best friend since kindergarten. Like the silly boy he was Baker swerved around pretending not to see Davie till the small boy thought he was safe “Found Yah”

Baker smiled tapping him from behind “I always get caught” Davie mumbled sadly, It was true; he was very easy to find.

“Hey, Brian Basely, Davies’ it!” Baker announced across the field. Basely stepped out from behind a small enclave of bushes, his hat over his head, he laughed a little watching Davie putter about around the bush.

“Davie you should take off your shirt, it’s like a big tractor!”

“Shut up Basely” Davie said; “I’m going to tell Brian’s Mom!” he pouted.

“You’re a whiner” Basely laughed, “Where’s Brian?” he asked.

Baker shrugged “he better not be down by the river, Dad’ll give it if to him if he is.”

“Give what to him?” Davie didn’t understand.

“A whipping” Basely said scaring the little boy, Baker looked up at the sky seeing the clouds come in deeper, they had gained strength and were touching down over the ridge.

“No he’s not” Baker said searching again around the premise. Brian was nowhere to be seen. Baker looked back at the two as they started sputtering immature insults at each other “Come on, we have to find Brian.” Baker said.

“Brian, Where are you?” Basely shouted across the field, a low crackle from an incoming cloud rattled through the fields, Davie screamed for a second in fright, he went running towards Baker.

“I wanna go home.” He said frightened.

“Help me find Brian.” Baker said, he was getting frantic now, the clouds were surrounding the small area faster than he at first seen, in a few minutes it could be pelting rain and launching lightning to char up the ground. “BRIAN!” he yelled “Come ON! Stop hiding, we need to go home.”

“Where is he?” Basely asked walking alongside, their efforts were fruitless as they ran through the grass calling Brian’s name.

“It’s raining” Davie announced keeping close to Baker, the ground was soaked as the showers came down.

“We already know that dummy!” Basely said trying to keep himself from becoming to scared, his teeth were chattering and they were having no luck finding Brian.

…



The windshield wipers that had been working fine the first of the year suddenly stalled as Harold tried to clear his windshield of the first huge rain pour. He turned the knob off then on again in frustration trying to get the stupid rubber sticks that were classified as windshield wipers to do what they were made to do, clear his windshield.

“Son of a Pee-tree dish” he growled, then smiled to himself, he had caught one of his words he was used to using around the boys, they laughed cause they thought he had said Pete Tree Fish or something like that the first time he said it. “Damn thing, work already” he said frustrated, watching the water pour down in sheets across his car.

Finally after twelve frustrating manual turns with the knob that controlled the contraption, the windshield was finally clear. Harold however, had reached home as it started into it’s back and forth routine.

“You and I are not friends” he proclaimed getting out of the car, he grabbed his suitcase and bag from the passenger seat and shut the car door, as if in refusal it opened again “Don’t start with me” Harold growled at the car, he was getting his suit soaking wet, which his car door refused to shut, he pushed the side of it again against the body of the car, and again it went out “I swear, I’ll rip your engine out” he muttered, opening the door wider to shut it with more force, he stopped seeing his seatbelt was caught in-between the hitch where the door attached itself to the side of the car “The wipers were all you.” He muttered smiling again, moving his seatbelt out of the way, he shut the car for the last time and kept his hand there for a moment making sure it wouldn’t open. “Thank you.” He said then turned around to walk inside.

As he reached the doorway, he looked down at his shoes, the walkway he had used to walk to the house, had collected area’s of water and he had stepped in with his work shoes, now as he stood on the porch they were soaking wet “Damn” he swore again, feeling his socks that were soaked, he opened the door and walked inside his soggy shoes squishing against the tile as he walked from the front room to the kitchen. “I’m home” he announced, walking towards the entryway into the kitchen.

The light was off, and there was no sign of dinner or even remnants of “Jackie” Harold scratched the side of his neck, looking at the table, then back in the kitchen “Baker? Brian?” he turned around and walked to the stairway, looking up, the lights were all off, Harold haphazardly looked to his left at the wall trying to think of where else they would be. Then he looked down and saw his shoes were leaving puddles, he sighed and walked up the stairs making a little trail with his wet shoes searching in each of the rooms, finding no one in sight.

Shrugging he walked back down the stairs and through the kitchen to the back door, he saw his wife was a ways out in the field, perplexed he opened the door and walked out to meet her “What are you doing?” he asked as he reached her, she was soaking wet, he had to take note it seemed like everyone and thing was getting that way. A lightning bolt struck down, a few yards in front of them.

“Brian and Baker are out there.” She said looking at him, her hair was wet and water was dripping from her chin.

“What?” Harold asked whipping the water away from his face, he looked out at the field, he could see a lightning traveling from the east side of where the old creek would’ve been. “How long have they been gone?” he asked.

“Four hours” Jackie said worriedly “I just tried to go out by the river, they’re not there.

Harold nodded, understanding, he was wondering what they would be doing out there, and why his wife would’ve let Brian just wander off, with or without Baker “I’ll go search.” He muttered, looking down at his brown suede shoes, they weren’t exactly salvageable at this point anyway.

He marched into the field and felt his teeth start to chatter as he walked down a ways, he was hoping the boys had veered off to the right towards the horse farm, it would’ve made things a lot easier if it were dry.

“Brian!” He yelled across the field, another bolt touched down, near the creek, Harold counted to three figuring out how far the lightning was away. “Baker!” Harold yelled walking faster now, the mud was gripping to his shoes as he walked “BAKER!!” he yelled again, he could feel the cold pelts of water on his back. “BAKER! BRIAN! ANSWER ME!” he yelled again praying to god they weren’t thinking this was a game. He walked further along the way finding the river, and some G.I. Joes surrounded by puddles “BRIAN, Boys!” he hollered looking for something, a shirt or something that would stick out, nothing did. “BRIAN!!!” he yelled long another low crackle of thunder roared through, Harold was starting to panic, as he looked around, the only place the boys could’ve possibly gone now would be over the ridge, or into the river, he know the Paisleys, the horse owners would’ve called if the boys had gone there, unless they had ducked out in their horse barns. He walked over again towards the river searching along the bank, seeing if there was a mudslide someplace or any signs the boys had tried to play near the creek. There was none, “Baker!!” he yelled again “BAKER BRIAN!”

A small soaked white shirt came into view, then a dark red, and then a blue, Harold ran towards them looking at their pale faces, Davie, his son’s friend from a few blocks down looked like he was sick, his eyes were wide and his small lips were quivering

“Dad” Baker exclaimed running up to his father, Harold felt a sigh of relief for a moment kissing his son’s head, he was drenched and shivering as were the other two.

“Baker, where’s your brother?” he asked simply, the thunder rolled over as short bursts of lightning burst over above the ridge.

“I” Baker’s teeth chattered “we couldn’t find him” he said he was crying now, but it was mixed in with the downpour, he coughed and hacked.

Harold gripped his son’s shoulders bending down to look at him “Didn’t you keep an eye on him?” he asked, his son nodded, shaking “Where’d you last see him?”

“He, I don’t know we were playing hide and seek” Baker whimpered, then coughed, the other two joined in the coughing

Harold grabbed at his mouth sighing then let his hand down “I want you boys to run home as fast as you can, Baker you hold onto Davies and Basely’s hand. Tell your mom to call the police. Go, get” he said spanking his son lightly to get him to move, Baker nodded and ran off with the other two in the direction of the house.

Harold stood up, looking around he was in desperation, he decided he would need to get a horse to move anywhere around the area in enough time, he headed towards the Paisley’s to grab one of theirs.

As if an answer to prayer, Ian Paisley, the man who owned the farm came running out towards the field “Harold!” he yelled running, Harold wiped more water from his face, looking about.

“Thank God please tell me he’s with you” he said starting to walk over towards Ian.

Not hearing him Ian, walked up quickly ‘what are you doing on here?” he asked “it’s a lightning storm your going to get yourself killed.”

“Brian’s out here.” Harold replied looking around anxiously again, he was just standing, he had no clue where his son was, but he couldn’t do much traveling on foot. He wanted to skim the whole bank of the creek searching for any sign.

“Christ Harold, it’s livewire out here, You’re going to get yourself killed” Ian said still not understanding, he looked where Harold was searching “How’d he get out here at a time like this.”

“I don’t know!” Harold said looking sideways at him, water was everywhere, he was getting soaked through the bone, and every second that passed was tearing his hope away “Ian, I need a horse” he said looking at the man.

“Sure thing, I’ll see if I can get my two mares, they’re not going to like this you know though.” He said, as he ran back “I’ll check my barn, maybe Brian ran in there.”

Harold nodded, he couldn’t bring himself to leave the field, he couldn’t ride however in kaki pants.

….


Jackie pressed her fingers to the window, she had been pacing for twenty minutes, till she saw the three boys running through the back of the field, she opened the glass door and ran out, hugging her son “You’re safe” she said kissing her son on the cheek, all three boys were coughing and hacking. “Where’s Brian?” she asked standing up looking back out towards the field, she placed her nails to her lips as they started to quiver, her fear returning.

“We couldn’t find him, we searched for two hours.” Baker looked up at her, his lips were turning purple “Dad wants you to call the police.”

Jackie looked down at the skin soaked boys, her eye’s blinking from the rain “You should’ve come home – My baby” she realized again looking up “Boy’s go inside, Basely, Davie call your Mom’s they’ve been worried sick.” She said with the remainder of her composer, the boys did as they were told. Jackie saw another lightning over the ridge, she counted to two, her voice growing frantic. The voice’s of her friends that had come when Brian spent his summer in the hospital, came rushing into her head.

He’s not yours.. God want’s him home Jackie, maybe he’s meant to go home.


She shook her head, watching the rain poor down pleading up above silently for a miracle “Please” she begged looking up at the sky, she wanted to break down and cry, but she had to hold out and hope, her husband was still out there looking.

“Mom” Baker called shaking form inside, “Mom!” he said again, she turned around an ran inside, Another bolt cracked through right closer to the left of the house “Where’s Dad, Mom” Baker asked, Jackie moved him away from the door, and ran inside to call the police, just as she turned around one last time, she saw her husband coming back, he was on a horse.


…


Harold slid off the saddle leading the horse up to the back porch, “Baker” he yelled, calling his son outside. Baker walked out, coughing.

“Get your coat on and come out here and hold the horse.” The trees to the side of the house bent against the wind. Baker watched frightened for a moment. “Come on son, he won’t move.”

Taking the reigns from his Dad’s hands, baker walked over to the sheltered part of the house, he wanted to cry again, but he was too afraid of the horse balking.

Harold walked into the house dragging his soaked body up the stairs, “Jackie did you call the police” he asked, she was up in their room, making the call. He looked in then shut the door behind him, stripping down, throwing everything on the tile, quickly getting suitable riding clothes on.

Jackie hung up the phone, watching her husband pull on a white shirt, and jacket “You can’t go back out there.” She whispered looking at him, her eyes darting.

He looked at her for a brief moment, then pulled on his Stetson, and touched her face for a moment, then walked out of the door “Get the boys dry.” He said as he raced back down the stairs, grabbing two flashlights from the drawer.

Baker watched his Dad come back out, and brought the horse around, the wind had picked up again, the saplings Harold had planted the summer before where starting to come up from the roots. ‘Dad?” Baker looked up at him, as he dad took the reigns and remounted the horse.

“Baker, I need you to look after your mom, can you do that for me?” He asked, switching the leather strip under his two middle fingers for a better grip. Kicking the horse in the side and clicking got the beast on the move, bolting back across the field.

…


Ian’s fresh eyes were doing nothing but leading him in circles, he had gone as far as was possible before the fence stopped onlookers, he was sure the barb wire was enough to keep Brian away. Harold road back fast, he looked a lot more comfortable in the saddle, as he held onto the horn pulling the horse to a stop.

A lone tree that had been standing by the creek, was ripped up from it’s roots, turned over on it’s side “sweet Jesus” Ian watched the tumbleweed start to fly, “Let’s make this quick” he suggest. Harold nodded looking down at his own horse for a moment; it was growing fidgety with the lightning and thunder closing in.

Harold split off to the east letting his horse trot along the river, searching for any sign of his son, “Brian!” he yelled scanning the other side, it would’ve been impossible, even for Harold to try and wade through the overflowing creek. The horse held it’s gate till Harold reached the ridge, then it balked, refusing to go forward.

Harold was draining his last efforts, dusk was already giving way to nightfall pretty soon all that would be seen would be the lightning bolts, he felt like he was traveling in circles. The winds were picking up more so now, shoving gusts of powerful winds against him and his horse.

Ian rode up behind Harold and the horse, his flashlight, barly making it past the rain “They won’t be able to get helicopters in till the morning.” He said riding up beside Harold.

Coughing Harold looked over at him, he wanted to die, his hands were numb, his face had been wind burned, and if not for the horse he would’ve been blown away “I’ll keep looking.”

“Harold, the horse is sweating, and you are two. The police are bringing dispatched on the other side of the river, and down by the Huntley’s place –“

Sliding off the horse, Harold walked over towards Ian, handing him the reigns.

“Harold!” Ian watched as he walked further down the towards the river, Ian followed leading the horse along with him “Harold, you can’t do anything else tonight. We’re lucky we’ve been missing these suckers for three hours, but it’s dark, Your wife doesn’t need two funerals.” He said.

Harold turned around, looking down, he had stopped in the exact place where his eldest son had left his toys lying in the mud, he hadn’t heard a word that Ian said, but he was too cold, to cramped and his brain was pounding to much to allow him to go further. “Half hour” he said looking back at Ian, the man shook his head.

“I can’t leave you out here by yourself Harold” he said “There’s a mudslide down by the ridge, and there’s bound to be more over by the rocks, without a horse, you’re dead –“

“Ian, Harold” both men turned around, Harold felt a sigh of relief as a set of officers road out towards them.

“We’ve canvassed everything” Dirk Edger, a bigger man, with a barreled chest was riding his horse, he had joined the search party “There’s no sign of him, on the other side of the ridge, nothing over on the other side of the creek. I doubt he could’ve made it over there anyhow. Harold remounted the horse, patting it’s heaving sides.

“We’ll keep out here” another officer said looking at both men. “You two get dry, and we’ll call you if we find anything.”

Harold and Ian nodded riding back towards Harold’s house, “I’ll board him in the shed” Harold said stepping off, he had a few things he could use to rub the mare down with, as well as plenty of thick blankets, he hate to drag the animal clear across back to Ian’s place when he could keep it by the house. Ian nodded, and road off.

After removing the saddle, rubbing the horse down with an old horse brush, and walking him around the shed Harold switched the harness for a lead rope. Then grabbing some blankets, he covered the mare, and walked inside to grab a bag of oats Jackie had bought so the boys could feed the Paisley’s horses when they were by the farm.

Finally walking into the house, Harold saw his wife’s face it was pale, as she squinted back. Swallowing hard, he walked up to her hugging her for a moment, letting her cry.

…


Baker sat in the front room; the neighbors had makeshift a search party of houses around the area, nothing had quite sunk in for him yet. He was wrapped in a warm blanket on the couch, where his aunt coddled him. Looking over at the kitchen he could see his Dad, dripping, coughing as he spoke with detectives who had come on the scene. “Mom” he whispered, wandering over to her, the blanket wrapped around her “Mom!”, she was standing in font of her husband giving the detectives “Mom” everything they needed. “MOM!” he yelled again, she looked over at him she couldn’t form words.

Anne came over taking him back into the other room “Come one sweetheart-“ she murmured.

“Mom, Dad!” Baker cried, wanting one of them to hold him, he had never seen death or had anything like this, it was all foreign, but as the seconds went by it was getting harder and harder to cope with.
“Baker, honey you’re parents are trying to figure out where your little –“

“Dad” Baker cried, pulling his hands out, as Anne tried to guide him back, tears were streaming down his face, how could they not see the guilt he felt. Harold let go of his wife, and walked over to his son, watching as Baker tore from his aunt, hugging his Dad.

His face stuck to his dad’s wet shirt as he cried, he knew he was partially responsible, he told his mom he would keep an eye his baby brother. “I’m sorry Dad” he murmured, tears covering his small cheeks.

Standing water would be the first huge problem that farms would face as the night went on, for the Littrell’s however, the thought that anything could’ve and probably did happen to Brian was forefront, before whatever else was in danger.

By two-thirty am, many visitors had left, leaving only a few close family members and friends to stay behind with Harold and Jackie. Jackie was sitting at the kitchen table watching as her husband paced the floors; his drenched clothes were damp now as he stared out the window, watching as the winds picked up again.

“Jackie” Anne walked in, her son, Kevin was beside her “Do you want something to eat, can I get you some tea?” she asked.

It was going to be a long night, Jackie looked down, finally loosing control, “I shouldn’t have let him go I knew something like this was going to happen.” She said “Oh God why did I let him go” she pushed back her chair and sat on the floor, she was hyperventilating, she couldn’t breathe.

‘Dear God” Anne said, Harold turned from his gaze bending down scooping her up in his arms, laying back against his knee.

“I can’t, I can’t” she choked “I can’t breath”.

“Breathe slowly” her husband looked down at her, caressing her cheek, breathing slowly with her. Tears spilled down her face, as she choked.

“I want my son.” She cried.

“I know, I know” her husband whispered, slipping his hands under her legs and under her arms around her waist, standing up.

She choked tears down again wanting to see the window, as her husband repositioned her, he took her out of the kitchen, and up the stairs “I want to be down here, I don’t, BRIAN!!!” she screamed, Harold walked into their bedroom, laying her on the bed. “Oh dear God” she covered her face with her hands, while her husband took of his wet clothes “My Baby” she bawled.

Harold walked back over to the bed with fresh clothes on, sitting beside her “They’ll find him” he whispered.

…


It was mid morning when he felt the sun on his face, his jaw was bruised, and his arms felt like rubber, he couldn’t move, he was pinned, as he felt tears come to his eyes, he tried to feel his face with his one hand, they were bleeding, everything around his face was bleeding. It was frightening how everything seemed different, he had never seen this place he was, he didn’t remember coming here, he couldn’t remember anything past when he woke up.

“Help” he whimpered, he could process that much, he was in trouble, he couldn’t move. As he tried to move the rock that had fallen on his leg, he smelled a pungent aroma, like that of urine, trying to see down below him, there was nothing but dirt, and rock. He put his small hand against the rock again and tried to push, but it did nothing except dig the edges deep into his skin “Owwwh” he cried, the throbbing and numbing pain was reaching every vessel of his body. “Help me” he cried, his throat was dry, and his small voice was hoarse. “Someone” he whispered, he was frightened, he didn’t know what was going on, but from all the natural signals he was getting from his brain, this wasn’t where he wanted to be.

…

Jackie woke up fast, the small bluebirds were chirping in the window. She rubbed her face enjoying the morning, before everything flooded back to her, her son was missing, she got out of bed and ran down the stairs, seeing her husband, outside talking with the police “Did they find him?” he asked, her husband walked up to her, guiding her back inside the door.

“They’re still looking” he replied “All the crops have been washed out, there are fires over by the Huntley’s, and there’ve been mudslides.”

“Where’s my son, Where’s Brian” she asked again looking both at the officer, who was getting farther and father away, and her husband.

“I’m taking the horse out again right now, they brought a helicopter out this morning to see if they could spot anything from the air.” Harold said guiding her towards the sofa sitting her down “Jackie look at me” he said pulling her chin, “Anne is coming over to take you with her, you and –“

“No,” she whispered, ‘no, I want to be here.”

“Anne will take you and Baker back to the farm –“

“Harold, he’s my son, I want to be here.”

Harold looked down at the floor, and then over at his wife again, “Jackie, they’re guessing he didn’t survive the night, we’re looking for a body now.” He said looking at her, she shook her head refusing to believe it.

“No, no, no… no” she looked at him, he ran his hand over his face sighing “Harold, no. No, God NO!” she whispered.

“They’ve gone over the whole area, there’s no way he could’ve made it across the creek, he’s nowhere near Ian’s, and he’s not –“

She started to hyperventilate again “I want my son” she cried, her hands trembling, and her shoulders shaking. Harold nodded pulling her in.

“We’re still looking” he mumbled, Anne walked inside the room.

“No,” she watched Anne come closer “No, no Harold I want to stay here. I want to be here” she whimpered, watching as her husband stood up. She stood up too grabbing his face ‘I want to stay here. I want to see my son come through that door. Dead or alive” she yelled, punching at his chest. Clawing it at him.

He held her close while finally she stopped, “please, you stay, I stay.” She whispered finally gaining control of her breathing.

“I can’t watch you.” He whispered into her ear “and the baby” he added, softly caressing her cheek.

“Please, honey I need to be here. I can’t leave, you know that.” she whispered back.

“Anne can you stay here for a few hours?” he asked, Anne nodded, coming towards them, she sat down on the couch. Harold helped his wife sit as well.

“I love you” she whispered, letting her hands slip from the grasp she had on the collar of his shirt.

He kissed her gently mouthing his words, before he let her down on the couth so he could continue with the search.

…

The first sound of voices were faint, but he could hear them, echoing through the small cavern “Help” he cried, but his voice was to worn out, “Somebody please!” he whimpered.

No one came, it was to dark to see where the entrance was, he must’ve traveled a ways back, but he couldn’t tell how far. He coughed; the air inside was clogging his lungs as he tried to breath.

“Please!” he started to cry again, then sneezed feeling the dust cover his lips and his mouth “help me” he mumbled, closing his mouth.

…


“Harold how long have you been out here?” Dirk asked watching Harold slide of his horse, making his way through the thicket, searching for any sign of his son inside the small rocks, perhaps he found his way inside a small crevice.

“Three” he replied, the holes he found were all to small, even for Brian’s tiny body, his hope was dissipating again.

“Three this afternoon or –“ Dirk asked.

“This morning” Harold replied coughing, rubbing his eyes looking up at Dirk “I’m not stopping.” He replied, “if that’s what you’re asking.”

“No, but I suggest you let the police do their job, you’re outshining them.” He smiled, “They canine police are good at sniffing human’s out you know.” Dirk said with a gentle smile.

“You think those dogs are going to find something, this whole countryside’s been in a mudslide, I can’t step two feet without sinking into this shit, and they’re supposed to find a trail?”

“They’re trained to track Harold, let us do our job.” Dirk said looking at him “You could use a few hours of rest.”

“Dirk” Harold stood up, brushing the dirt from his pants “Look at me, do you think you’re going to get me to go back to that house empty handed?”

“I think you’d be dragging all of this ground behind you before you go, but your sake and your son’s please. We have more men than we need, we’ll need you later on, when the search starts to slow down.”

Harold eyed the officer “This isn’t slowing down, because damnit we better find him before then.” Harold stormed off, Getting back onto the horse pulling him around, to head towards another part of the ridge.

…


“Tonight, we have some breaking news to share, in the middle of one of the brutalizing storms a child went missing. Young eight year old, Brian Littrell disappeared earlier Saturday evening while playing in the field with his two friends and his brother.” Anna walked towards the television to turn it off but Jackie begged her not to. They watched as pictures of her small son flashed across the screen.

“… Well Angie, both parents have yet to make a statement to us, it seems they are too busy searching for their son, and rightly so. But we did catch deputy Dirk Edger who had a couple of words to share.”

“This is a nightmare of sorts for all of us our here, we’ve been out all night long amongst thunder and lightning, we’re lucky we haven’t lost any of our men, but now that it’s daylight it’s been a lot easier to search around. I know the Littrell’s barely feeling the wake of this event, but we do need all the help we can get, so they don’t have to suffer anymore.”

“what do you think happened?” the lady asked placing the mic back in Dirk’s face.

“With whether conditions being as they were, it could be anything. Brian was last seen around two-forty-five when he was playing hide and seek with his Brother, and their two friends. The boys searched by themselves for a few hours, -“

“Where do you think things went wrong?” the lady asked shoving in her question, Dirk looked at her squarely.

“We’re not looking to place blame on anyone, we just want to find Brian, the boys were playing hide-and-seek when he went missing, all we can go from is what we’ve got now, and faith.”

“Could he honestly have survived a storm like this? The winds they say were up to at least 80 mph, and the thunder struck down in numerous places.”

“Miracles happen every day.” Dirk said smiling “I just hope today is Brian’s” he said.
“We do too” the lady looked back at the camera and smiled.

“What a little rat” Anne said turning of the television, ‘She’s digging for a story within a story.” She muttered walking back to Jackie, who was as still as a stone.

“I let him go out there.” She said looking at the blank black screen. “I should’ve just said no. I did say no, Then they begged and I gave in. I’m” her face went perplexed “I’m such a horrible mother” she whispered

“No Jackie,” Anne sat beside her sister-in-law, hugging her from the side, resting Jackie’s head against hers “no, sweetheart, no” she whispered.

“My baby” Jackie mumbled between tears, “I’m so sorry” she whispered.

He woke up again as he felt the dried blood that now stuck to his face. The small body he was in was weaker than it had been, he found it hard to keep awake, his head hurt and his body was weak. The complete loss of feeling in his leg, was starting to get to him as he felt his small body shake and convulse, the small lungs encased in his little body were not expanding as much as his breath was shallow “help” he whimpered in pain, if he only could get enough breath he would scream, but each time he tried, his lungs retracted leaving him out of breath, a flashing face come into his view, it was a women with a warm face, he closed his eyes and opened them again, watching the apparition disappear.

He wanted her to stay, her face was so warm, he blinked again, watching as the women re-appear again, “come on sweetie” the voice coaxed him, a white light radiated from her enveloping his vision.

It was so confusing, but he reached out his hand, feeling the soft touch of another’s as he did.

“You’re ok.” The voice said soothingly, it was as everything was in a tube, where voices echoed.

…


He heard laughter and felt the warm sun caress his small body, it was child’s laughter, much like his own “Do it again” it smiled, giggling, opening his bright blue eyes, he could see a mans face, as he brought his hands down, “stoppp” a giggle escaped again, the tingling tickling feeling in his side returned.

“Hey, hey where you going’” the man smiled. He tried to scoot up and away but the man only moved closer, tickling his stomach again, another loud bout of laughter erupted from the his mouth.

“My turn! My Turn” he smiled standing up, he jumped on the man shoving his small hands under the mans, watching as he giggled and rolled to the side, letting him down softly, his leg hit the floor first, hitting in a funny spot as a tingling feeling shot through his leg.

…


“Come on sweetheart, it’s time to come home” the women’s voice was clear as crystal, her face was smiling at him again, the white light intensifying then fading with a steady pulse.

“Brian!” he heard in the distance, someone else was near, they were calling, but for who?”

“Come on little one” the women murmured smiling, “we’ll go to a place without end, without pain –“

“Brian” the lady grew faint, he watched horrified, as he felt his body convulse again, his upper body shook, and he whimpered. Trying to cry out to anyone that was near. The voice faded, then came back again.


…
“Did you hear that?” Harold asked, poking his head inside the hole.

“Hear what?” Harold this is the eleventh time you’ve stopped me here, they already sent the dogs in, all that came out was some stupid rats, that’s what the dogs were barking at.” Dirk growled as he walked nearer to where Harold was, trying to pick at the small crack in the side of the rock.

“3-14 to 2-598, we’ve got something down here.” Dirk’s radio beeped, he looked at Harold, it was eight thirty at night and the sun was setting, again. Nothing had washed up along the creek, and they had men wading through the whole afternoon.

“Go Ahead 3-14, what is it?” he asked.

“A pair of shoes sir.” 3-14 responded. “They’re identical to the ones that were described.”

Harold felt his heart drop, 3-14 had been the boys wading in the river all afternoon. He bent down, resting his hands between his knee’s heaving for a moment, watching the world spin around him.

“Harold you alright?” Dirk asked looking at the hunched-over figure.

Gagging for a few moments, Harold nodded brushing Dirk’s question off, he felt sick like he wanted to throw up, but there was nothing to throw up, because he had been outside all day yesterday and today. He gagged again, vomiting spit in the process.

“You sure?” Dirk asked looking at Harold, who profusely nodded again standing up, his head was spinning, as he coughed again, he walked towards the horse, getting on it again, whipping his face, from the sweat. The world started to spin around him just as he landed in the seat, “Harold?” Dirk watched from the side.

“I’m fine” he said finally steadying himself, he refused to believe his son was gone, not till he saw the body himself “Keep searching” he said pulling the last of his wits together, forcing the all-in horse ahead. The horse paced a few feet then stopped dead on its feet, licking it’s dry lips.

“Jesus, Harold didn’t you give the horse a drink?” Dirk asked watching the horse chew bitterly at its bit, Harold pulled the mare forward again, kicking it hard in the ribs.

“I’ll take her down now” he muttered, feeling the sweat creep across his brow, he felt ill again, “Brian” he said again, walking along with the horse, it moved slowly, stumbling over it’s own two feet.

“Harold, get off the damn horse.” Dirk said walking over, he forced up a canteen of water in front of Harold “Drink this, I’ll take the horse to the creek.” Harold slid off the side of the horse; giving in opening the bottle, “Stay here!” Dirks ordered leading the horse down the path, by it’s reigns walking in front of it.

Harold re-walked the pathway he had come, this seemed to be the only place he could think Brian would’ve gone, now with the shoes found, nothing fit “Brian” he called again.

…


Giggles came louder, and he felt small whiskers brush up against his face, the man was playing with him, “How does that feel?” the man asked watching with a smile.

“It tickles” the child confessed happily pushing the man’s cheeks together prickly hair poking into his small skin.
“It tickles huh?” the man smiled and laughed, blowing on his stomach, he giggled again.

“You need a shave” a female voice was heard but was out of view for him to see. The man stood up and walked in the direction of the voice.

“I will” he said softly. “Brian.”

…


He tried one last time to clear his throat, but as soon as he breathed in the lining of his esophagus was caked with dirt ‘Please God” he heard the voice whisper, “Brian.”

A bright light shined, inside, and he coughed, and sneezed, feeling his eyes shut, he couldn’t breath anymore, his lungs were caving in and his heart rate was slowing down.

…


Harold stepped off the horse, and walking slowly up the back porch stairs towards the door, he had passed out after trying to shove down to much water through his system, and Dirk had someone escort him back to the house.

“Anything” he heard his wife ask, she was standing by the door, Anne was beside her rubbing her arms, she was shaking intermittently.

“They found a pair of shoes” he said holding up his son’s sneakers, in his hands “They’re the one’s Brian was wearing that day.” He murmured.

Jackie took them from her husband holding them against her chest, caressing them, as she looked at them, then up at her husband, if God couldn’t take him by a staff infection he would take him this way.

“Brain” she cried again, holding on desperately to her husband’s sleeve “no no, nooo” she murmured.

…


“The investigation closed today for the search of the missing child. Brian Littrell was pounced dead, as Police ended their search along the back end of a the Huntley hunting grounds. “

“It make’s no closure for the family, it’s going to be a long few months while this family tries to move on with their lives, Brian’s aunt has this to say:”

“We are grateful for the efforts made, the Fayette County Police Department has been generous in their efforts, we just wish a better outcome could have been made.”

“How is the family coping?” the women asked.

Anne sighed into the microphone “They’re not, it’s not easy to cope with loosing your child, there is no way anyone wants to cope with it. After weeks of searching, it only makes the salt on the wounds more painful.”

“Give our sympathies to the Brian’s family” the announcer said. Anne nodded and walked out of view, “Cindy back to you.”

“That’s such a sad story, our heart reaches out to the Littrell family.”

Baker’s dad turned off the television, and continued to stir the oatmeal. It was all they had in the cupboard. Baker sat at the sink, tapping on the counter; the family hadn’t even started making arrangements for the funeral.

“Dad” Baker asked, getting off the chair, his dad was preoccupied however, as he scooped some of the meal into a bowl, he pulled a spoon from the drawer and stuck it in the hot cereal. “Dad, can I play with Basely today?” he asked, his dad looked up from the pot he replaced on the stove.

“I need you to help out around the house.” His dad said “so, no.” he said.

Baker looked at the place, even while his parent’s had paid no attention to how misshapen the place was it Anne had come over and helped around with things.

“Well then will you play dead log with me?” he asked, it was his and Brian’s favorite game.

“Not right now Baker” his dad replied, he put the bowl down looking at his son, who was about to walk out of the room “Baker,” he called after him, Baker stopped and turned around looking at his dad “come here” he said bending down. Everything had been surrounded by death the last five weeks, they had postponed the sale on the house, the buyers were getting antsy. Baker was sort of shoved to the side of all the mess, continually.

Harold opened his arms, bending down for his son to give him a hug “It’s just a rough time for us right now.” He said looking at his son.

“It’s my fault” Baker whimpered back.

Harold shook his head “No, no, Baker it’s not your fault” he said looking at him, “it’s nobodies fault, I love you so much. Your mom does too, we haven’t done to well at showing that lately” he said whipping his son’s hair from his face “I’m sorry” he said looking at his son “Can you forgive us?” he asked.

Baker nodded quickly hugging his dad, Harold hugged him back, feeling his small body shake for a little bit, they hugged for a few minutes while Baker cried, suddenly Baker broke, looking at his dad then up at the bowl of cereal, he smiled a little.

His Dad smiled back laying Baker on his back “Are you a dead log?” he asked, Baker nodded, stretching his hands high in the above his head. Harold brought his hands down tickling his son under his exposed arms, Baker laughed, feeling laughing and rolling over, on the tile

“Dad!” he squealed.

“You’re not a dead log” his dad said tickling his stomach, Baker tried to move his hands away.

“Daaad” he laughed, “I am” he laughed, “I am.” He said his hands were over his dad’s he could feel them stop. In the background he could hear his mom had woken up. He felt his dad pat his stomach and start to stand up picking up the bowl from the sink again.

“How about we go out to eat tonight” his dad said, as Baker got up from the ground, his hair was full static in the back. Baker nodded, watching his Dad walk up the stairs with the bowl of food.

She was prone on the bed when he walked in, Harold shut the door behind him, walking towards the bed, he got on, pulling his legs under him, resting his one hand over her as he leaned down to kiss her mouth. She lay dully looking up at him. Dissatisfied he sat up, looking at the bowl of cereal in his hands. Jackie sat up to scooting up close to him, resting her head against his chest. “I made some oatmeal” he said his hand slipping to the front of her stomach, he could feel the small bulge that was forming “You need to eat” he said as she rested her arm along his, she sat back for a moment.

Scooping up some from the bowl he placed it in front of her mouth, she let it touch her lips, then tasted a small portion before she shoved it back out with her tongue.

“Honey” Harold watched her, he pulled the spoon out of her mouth as she let the rest drop back in the bowl, he scooped up a spoonful for himself, tasting it. It was repulsive, he spit it out to “Sorry’ he said smiling he was glad to know she wasn’t refusing food anymore.

“Why aren’t you like this” he asked, she was starring at the wall, her neck was resting on her husbands arm, and his neck, as she sat in his lap. He didn’t answer. Instead he stared out the window.

5 Years Later: He sat forward in the chair, watching as his Mom brought him his breakfast “eat up fast, we’re going to be late, Ryan.” She smiled; her blond hair was pinned up.

Ryan picked up his bagel and started into it eating it as quickly as he could “Where’s Taylor?” he asked looking around for his sister.

“She’s still in the bathroom.” His Mom said, “Taylor!” she called up the stairs, Taylor opened the door leaning her head out her curling iron wrapped in her hair.

“Just a second!” she said. Then leaned back in the bathroom.

“Mom,” Ryan looked up at her, “I had that dream again.”

“What dream?” his mother sat down at the glass-covered table, she had her major in social sciences, and she loved delving into people’s lives. When she and her husband had found him, they were ridding around a ridge in Kentucky. They had permission through some friends to go hunting on the land, that was where she found him, she was digging around in the rocks, because she heard something. Her husband insisted it was her hearing that found their boy; he was battered bruised, and abandoned. Since her husband was s surgeon they flew him off the premises to a hospital back in their hometown, Maryland.

“I can’t remember now” he said squinting, Taylor walked down, she was five years older than he was, and today she was graduating. Ryan was just thirteen, and in middle school. She ruffled his hair, sitting down beside him looking at him.

“I want to hear the dream” she said excitedly she always liked the tales her brother told because they were so lifelike. Like the time when he had a dream he had escaped a huge storm, he was slipping and sliding, missing lighting as it came down around him, it was so vivid.

“I don’t remember it,” he said looking at her with a smile, “Didn’t you hear me.” He laughed.

“Yeah, but maybe I’ll hear it again, if I ask you” she said smiling.

“What?” he laughed, he and his sister were close, despite their age difference, he was a quite child never got into trouble, and his mom always said he was such an angel.

“Let’s go you two” she said picking up her purse, her husband would meet them there.

…

As they reached the parking lot of Woodson High, Taylor was all squeals, she had her robe on and her “I’m a Cavalier” Ryan hollered in his falsetto voice, fallowing his sister and her two best friends along, jumping up and down making fun of them.

“Mom!” Taylor said annoyed, she was bursting with laughter though “Ryan, Mom’s leaving you, go” she said pushing him along playfully, he pushed back a little then smiled leaving her to go with his mom.

They walked up the steeps towards the bleachers waiting for his dad to arrive, he was certainly living the life, he was so happy. They watched as the graduates came walking through the door the graduation song playing as they marched in single file lines meeting between two sets of rowed seats. “Go Man!” Ryan yelled watching his sister, as she sat down. The two long speeches were followed by the valedictorian, which was Ryan’s sister, and then finally the procession of names came. It obviously started of with the Valedictorians and Honor students first, then followed the rest of the crowd, Ryan was feeling board, until he heard someone’s name being called.

“Harold Baker Littrell the 3rd” the announcer said, a young man, with a wide smile walked up onto the stand shaking the mans hand receiving his diploma, along with another shake from his principal, vice principal, and other various people, before he walked off the stage Ryan, watched as he walked off, hearing voices in the crowd cheering him on, calling his name. Ryan searched around.

‘Ryan?” his mom looked at him, he was standing up in the middle of a crowd of people searching around for the one’s cheering for this kid.

“His name” Ryan said sitting down; again, he looked at his mom.

“Honey it’s not funny to make fun of people’s names.”

“I wasn’t” he protested, watching where the young man sat, he felt his heart beat pump faster

“Oh” she said looking at him “good” she smiled and looked back ahead. Finally the long procession was over and the students could be recognized.

“Please welcome the Woodson High Graduating class of ‘88,” the principal announced, all the graduates raised up from their seats throwing their hats high into the air.

“Go Taylor!” Ryan yelled again watching the balloons colored in red, white, and blue fly up ahead of them. As soon as they could Ryan raced down the floor dragging his parents with him to great his sister.

“Oh look at you.” His dad hugged his sister, his Mom got a big picture. Ryan popped his head in, smiling at the right moment.

“Ryan!” his Mom laughed “you are such a ham, get out of the picture goofball.”

Ryan did as bid, calming himself down, he hear someone call out the name again in the distance.

“Littrell!” Ryan whipped around, seeing the young man again, he was hugging a fellow graduate and talking, two people were beside him, but their backs were to Ryan, the man had a little girl in his arms, she was sleeping on his shoulder. “Baker, Dude –“ one of them hollered running and jumping on the kid.

“Dude, when do we get to meet the girlfriend.” One of them asked. The kid identified as Baker pointed over towards Ryan and his family, he ducked behind his Mom, she placed her hand on the camera to early, her son had bumped it.

‘Ryan!” she exclaimed, he was acting fishy, “honey I’m not going to be able to take any pictures with you standing behind me.” She said looking around, Ryan had already disappeared scoping out these people. Baker stepped forward saying a hello to Taylor, Ryan’s sister, he looked up at Taylor and Ryan’s parents.

“Mr, and Mrs. Benson these are my parents, and my sister” he said. Ryan tried to peak around a throng of people to get a good look at them.

“Well” his Mom said putting down her camera, letting it go around her neck, “This is my husband, Pete and our daughter Taylor, and I’m Pam.”

The two parents nodded shaking hands, the little girl who had woken up covered the man’s face. She was resting her chin on her dads shoulder investigating everything she could see behind her.

”Where’s Ryan?” Pam asked, looking around.

“He probably found Brooks little brother” Taylor smiled, the two families conversed for a few minutes, then Pam started to get worried, she was wondering where her son was. Finally after the Littrell’s had made their way to the door, Ryan re-appeared.

“Where’d you go?” Pam asked, she had become a little frightened.

“Nowhere.” He replied “I told you I wanted a drink of water, so I got one” he lied.

“Ok” she smiled “lets go then.” She said “Taylor that boy seems like he’s a nice kid.’ She said looking at her daughter, Ryan’s dad agreed walking alongside talking with Ryan.

“You snuck out, really fast.” He said looking at him, “Where’d you go?” he asked.

“I was just wanting to see some people.”

“See some people” his dad said wrapping his hand around Ryan’s shoulder “See who?”

Ryan shrugged, “Don’t know.”

…


Weeks went by and Ryan was shipped off to summer camp, he got letters and random calls from his sister with pictures of her visiting her ‘official’ boyfriends parent’s house. There wasn’t a week went by that he didn’t get a letter or send one back.

One letter he received from her, he got a bunch of pictures along with it, some of the Littrell’s house, and of Baker and Taylor, and Baker and Taylor, as he thumbed through them, laughing at his sister, he found the last two pictures, one was of Baker, his little sister that he was playing with, who was sitting in-between Baker’s parents. As Ryan looked at the pictures, he felt a wave of emotions flow over him, like he had hit a rock and it had woken him up. He ripped open the small seal that had his sister’s letter inside.

“Hey Ry, Ry,

How is life in the tee tons? I can’t believe Mom and Dad sent you clear the heck out there, but hey it just means you get all these lovely letters from your big sis, whom you better respond to after you’ve finished, these letters. Baker thinks I write love notes or something, and I have to explain every time it’s my little bro his on the other side of the world, well at least nation.

So, I bet you are asking what the heck these pictures are all about, well I spent the weekend with Baker’s family, and they are the coolest people ever. Honestly they are to die for, if I don’t make it into their family by marriage I want to somehow get an agreement that I’m partially theirs. HAHA :o) . You better love that smiley.

So anyway back to the pictures, to explain them, Baker’s family, well his parents invited me to church with them one Sunday. It was a little different than I thought it was going to be, but the pastor – that’s what Baker says he’s called – was really something. They were so cool. Baker’s dad is a real sucker for Baker's baby sister, I know I saw him giver her a piece of candy behind Jackie’s back, it was hilarious, because he was caught red-handed. Jackie is Baker’s mom, she is the sweatiest person you will ever meet. I wish you hadn’t just skipped off that day; you could’ve met some cool people. I’m learning how to cook, how to really cook. Jackie won’t let Harold near the stove I learned too, gosh it was so funny, she left the kitchen for like eight minutes, to get Kate from her nap, and Baker’s dad was making some sort of mush, in the end Baker started stuffing things in there too, it tasted gross, needless to say Baker’s mom wasn’t happy.

The last picture, is purely just Baker and his family, it’s so cool because this is exactly how they are, laid back, and laughing. Baker and his dad and his mom can carry on jokes for hours. Oh Gosh, it’s so funny. Anyway I’ve got to go, we’re going out to this restaurant tonight. Yummy.

I bet your jealous now, in your little tent, soaking wet by the rain reading this by flashlight, well little bro have fun, you’ll be the coolest camper ever, and probably the only one I’ll ever know.

Your sister. The coolest ever.

Tay


Ryan sat and stared at the pictures again and again, his mind mulling over them, looking at them, they felt so real in that picture, why was he so afraid to meet them before. They seemed like genuine people.

“Hey Ry go to sleep man.” His tent-mate growled, Ryan stuffed the pictures and letter back into the envelope stuffing them under his pillow sheet. Then looking up at the top of the tent he closed his eyes, and went to sleep.

…

“Do it again” the voice giggled
“...Mom want’s you to stay away from the creek.”
“You’re not a dead log, you’re a little laughing boy” the voice smiled “and the tickle monsters gunna get you”
“Mommy, Daddy” someone whimpered

Pam raced around the room, trying to clean up the rest of the house, Taylor had set up a dinner with their two families unannounced to Pam until a few days previous. She was dusting and cleaning like fiend racing around. Her husband walked inside the door, watching her race about.

‘What’s all the fuss?” he asked, watching her run about. He saw the plates and utensils on the counter “You want me to set the table?” he asked.

“Yes please, do.” she said running back to the kitchen to check the casserole, he did.

Taylor walked inside the house with Baker just as Taylor’s parents had finished preparing the meal. Pam was over by the living room putting some Frank Sinatra turning it down for background music.

“Mom, Dad” Taylor walked inside the house, Baker followed he went immediately to where Pete was to talk.

“I’m in here” his Mom answered, she was back in the kitchen finishing up the salad.

Taylor walked around the front room towards the kitchen; she helped her mom grabbing some napkins. “Ryan called me today” she said looking at her mom.

“I’m glad he calls you because he hasn’t called us.” She said smiling, she was glad he had a bond with one of his family members. ‘What did he say?”

“Just that he was bitten by mosquitoes, and he met a couple of people. And he remembered his dream.” She said.

“Good, well I’m glad he’s calling you at least.” Her mom smiled “he hasn’t talked to us since he left. I just assumed it was because he wouldn’t think it was cool having letters coming from his mom.”

“Whatever” Taylor smiled taking the napkins in the dinning room.

“Tay when are they coming?” she asked, referring to Baker’s parents.

“In about twenty minutes. Harold –“

“Mr. Littrell” Pam corrected.

“He said I could call him that.” Tay said looking up at her mom.

“Yes, but it’s just nice to call people by their proper title’s, especially if they’re older than you,” she said. Tay shrugged her shoulders.

“He wouldn’t answer when I called him Mr. Littrell” she replied before finishing up placing the napkins on the table over the plates.

A knock came at the door; Tay and Baker both stopped what they were doing to get it, Taylor ended up opening letting Baker’s parents in.

Pete walked up shaking both hands again, they had met on occasions since their children’s graduations but it was the first time they were going to be able to talk.

“Pam, do you need any help.” Jackie asked walking back to the kitchen, Katie was in Harold’s arms, so she was free to help.

“Um, sure” Pam said watching Jackie come into view, Pam was a little weary apparently this women was an amazing cook, so her daughter said, Pam wasn’t much for cooking, only simply things like a casserole. She wasn’t exactly the homemaking type either, she worked along with her husband, but she was good at juggling what she needed, plus it afforded them a lot of trips and thing they wanted. The Littrell’s were a lot better with enough money to do things they wanted without sending both parent’s out of the house.

Jackie took the dishes over to the table placing them in the center, of the table, spacing them out, and they started into talking. While Pete, pulled out a couple of bottle of Chardonnay pouring some into a wine glass, as he talked what little shoptalk they had in common.

As Harold listened he found himself gazing around, his daughter was sitting in his lap. She was a very quite child, very well behaved. Sighing for a moment, he had been through a long day, he sipped at his wine, and nodded at Pete “How is it working for the state department?”

“Good” Harold replied mindlessly he was on contact for both the FBI and vicariously the CIA, he was sent in as a liaison between the two. Since Pete was a surgeon and in the D.C. area, he often found himself bumping into policemen and FBI alike, it was usually a quick hello or someone shot who was laying his operating table. “Long but good.”

“Good” Pete replied smiling. Harold looked over at the table to the side of the room, laying on it were pictures, some of Taylor, some of Pam and Pete, and some of Ryan, Taylor’s brother she always talked about. Harold skimmed over the images, before his eyes focused back in on the picture of the young boy named Ryan.

“Where’s your son?” he asked, looking back at Pete, who was draining the last of his whine.

“Camp.”

Harold gave a small frown nodding swishing the Chardonnay in his whine glass “Oh” he said simply.

“Yeah, it was so interesting, we adopted him, and he’s such a good kid. Very smart.” Pete said proudly.

“He seems like it from what Taylor says, although she may be biased” Harold said smiling “They seemed very attached.”

“Taylor’s always wanted a younger sibling” Pete said looking at him, without a word Harold nodded understanding.

“I’m glad things fell into place so well.” He replied looking back at the picture. Jackie walked up towards them, followed by Pam.

“Dinner is on the table getting cold.” Jackie said holding out her hand, Harold put his cup down on the table in-between the two leather chairs he and Pete were sitting in taking his wife’s hand.

“Let’s eat” Pete said standing up, everyone traveled into the kitchen taking this seats at the table.

“Kate” Jackie sat her daughter in-between her and her husband “What do you want?” she asked.

Kate pointed to some foods sitting in the chair. “Mr. Littrell, I hear you are from Kentucky.” Pam said picking up a for full of green beans putting them on her plate.

He nodded, waiting for his wife to pass the casserole, he was all about food, especially when it came to home cooked food “Yeah, we moved up here a few year’s back, I was asked to come from the local FBI to headquarters so we moved.” He said passing the bowl of casserole onto his son.

“So I’m guessing you support gun control.” Pam said looking at him. Harold looked up from his food confused.

“The gun control I support is both hands on the trigger” he said smiling “There are always ways to end someone’s life, guns are just another way.”

“Oh” Pam said, she was a staunch supporter of gun control, her brother was killed by a gun, she wanted to talk to a government employee about the situation “My brother was killed he was caught between a cock fight.” She said, feeling she could be open with these people.

“I’m sorry” Harold said looking at her, not quite sure what it had to do with gun control.

‘That’s so sad” Jackie added looking up from her food, Taylor looked over at her mother, a little shocked she was so candid.

“The man got the gun of the street from another drug dealer” she said continuing. Pete looked at her too what was she trying to do lay the grief on their guests now.

Harold responded head on, putting his fork down “Did the police not get the case solved or something? Did they do something that offended you?” he asked.

Pam stared level with him, Pete stopped them before she could go any further “It’s nothing” He said smiling.

Harold left it at that, deciding they had done enough rubbing things the wrong way for the night, although he hadn’t ensued it. The rest of the evening went a little better, as the ladies stayed in their own conversation and then men in there’s. Baker and Taylor were a little mystified of how some things were just dropped, such as Baker’s dad’s job. Finally Pete brought up the subject about missing kids, and explained a small portion of the strange events that lead to them taking Ryan home with them.

“Daddy” Kate pulled at her father’s sleeve “I need to go” she said, in her cute little voice, Harold nodded pushing back his chair pushing hers back as well, so she could get down.

“Do you have a restroom she can use?” he asked, as his little girl pulled at his finger.

“Down the hall and to the left” Pete said, watching them leave, he continued his long story “So we went down to do some ridding, and Pam, she has great ears, she can hear just about anything. Anyway she heard this sound coming from a ridge, she, ended up digging through this rock that had caved this small little crevice and found Ryan, he was completely out,” Pete said pushing his plate away from him, he was stuffed “We immediately flew back to Maryland and back to the clinic so we could get him in some intensive care.”

“Where was this?” Jackie asked.

“Someplace in Lexington.” He replied.

“Lexington Virginia?” Jackie asked, she was used to associating the name with Virginia now.

“No, Kentucky.” He replied.

“When was this?” Jackie asked, her interest had peaked even more.

“About five years ago” Pam said looking at Jackie.

“Were you down by the Huntley Hunting area?” she asked, feeling this was all to odd.

“Yeah, we rode horses down there.” Pete said, watching as Jackie’s brows furrowed. She was perplexed.

“Can I see a picture of him?” she asked, she felt anxious “Taylor’s told us so
much about him.” She said trying to recover her nervous words.

“Sure” Pam replied she went over and picked up the picture from off the table, bringing it to Jackie.

Her eyes looked down on it, there was no mistaking, she was sure as she was everything around her was real and tangible, she pressed her fingers to the glass, stroking it.

Harold walked back in, with Kate, he looked over her shoulder as she looked at the picture “Jackie?” she dropped it, startled by her husband’s voice.

“Oh my gosh," Jackie moved her chair back, and Harold pushed Kate away so he could pick up the broken glass that was now on the floor. “Pam, I’m so sorry” she said looking up; Pam had dropped her fork on the floor as well.

Pete looked down watching, Harold scoop up some pieces, walking to the kitchen “Pete do you have a empty box or something, like a cracker box?” he asked. Pete walked in, grateful for the opportunity to exit.

Once in the kitchen Pete searched around the cupboards, “here’s a Ritz box” he said pulling out the last packaged Ritz stash stuffing it in the corner of the cabinet. He opened the box wide so Harold cut drop the contents from his hands. “We’ve got a sweep in here.” He said walking towards the closet. Then they both looked at each other and had to laugh for a moment.

“You followed out of there faster than someone running from a fire” Harold said smiling a little.

“I hate awkward silence.” Pete said they both looked over at the dinning room.

“Well it’s still there.” Harold said, taking the broom, he walked inside, as he and Pete chuckled on more time. Jackie was on the floor now, trying to pick up the frame then saw her husband looking over at her smiled for a moment and continued to help her husband clean up the mess.

Taylor and Baker sat at the table, both too embarrassed to speak; their parents had effectively made a massacre of the evening.

…

“You saw the picture didn’t you” Jackie cuddled in close to her husband wrapping her hands around his waist resting her head on his chest smelling the fabric in his dress shirt. He put his book down; in his lap wrapping his arm around her shoulder, running his fingers along her other arm.

“I did” he replied.

“It has to be him, Harold” she said looking up at him. “Can you have someone draw a picture of what Brian would look like now?” she asked. “They do that all the time for missing children.”

He was as anxious as she was; it was hard losing his son. After five weeks of searching through the whole creek there was no body, no sign of Brian anywhere. “I’ll see if Dick can get a drawing for me tomorrow” he said looking down at her.

“If they’ve had him the whole time” Jackie whispered, looking up at her husband, who was staring at the wall listening to her.

“Mommy” Jackie looked over seeing the door open and the top of her little girls head coming closer. Katie peered up over the bed crawling up in her parent’s lap. “Baker and Taylor are watching a scary movie.”

Harold looked at his watch “I think it’s time to break up their little party.” He said kissing his daughter’s head moving out off the bed. He walked out of the room and down the stairs to where Baker and Taylor were cuddling “Baker, it’s late.”

“Ok Dad.” Baker said looking back at the television.

“Baker” Harold repeated, Baker nodded, he understood, it was time for Taylor to go home.

He stood up watching her get up, they walked to the door “I guess it’s getting late” he said, Taylor nodded she walked to the door to her car.


…

Ryan woke up early in the morning, he had had his same dream the night before, and he couldn’t remember it now, it was like it always had been. He would dream about something and soon forget it. He picked up a piece of paper ready to write his sister.

Hey Tay,

I had my dream again, and once again I only remember the part at which I am at the creek taking of my shoes. For some reason I know I’m not supposed to be by the creek but I wanted to be, I was bored with something. I know I took off my shoes, as I sat in the grass I felt the water around my feet, the grass around my feet. After that I saw something flash, and I can’t remember anything. I’m trying, like you said, I write everything down each time I wake up, but when I read it in the morning it doesn’t make sense.

So anyway you said you and your boyfriend were having a dinner with Mom and Dad? How did that go, I think you’ve helped me make my writing better you know, all these love letters. The pictures you sent were cool too. Tay can you keep a secret,

I think I knew those people before I had my concussion. I don’t know how, perhaps they were friends or something.

Oh sis I can’t wait to come home, and see your smiling face and make up on, and the bathroom door being hogged by you. Tell Mom and Dad hi.

Mr Joker,

Ryan

Ryan folded the letter up at sat in his cot, he couldn’t help but wonder where he had known these people, these people that he had seen in the pictures, their faces were so familiar.

…

“What do you have for me Dick?” Harold asked walking into the chief artists office, he was slaving over his best guess of a five-year age difference in Harold’s son.

“This is a rough, but it has to be it” he said handing over the drawing. Harold looked at it, he was ready to call in whatever he needed, it looked identical to the picture, mixed emotions filled his soul.

“Good job” he managed, giving a thumbs up before he walked out of the office. He walked up the stairs to his own office; he picked up the phone dialing a team of detectives to investigate.

…

Ryan sat in the mess hall with his friend, Tanner as they ate their lunch, “The first thing I’m going to do when I get home, I’m going to play video games till I fall asleep in front of the television“

“Is Ryan Benson here?” A voice called from the corner of the mess hall, Ryan looked up. Four men in black and grey suits stood at the doorway, their hands crossed over each other in front of them, as if they were the secret service.

Raising his hand timidly, Ryan stood up looking at them. One of the leaders from the camp walked over towards them speaking for a moment, then he nodded beckoning Ryan forward.

“What’d you do?” Tanner asked, he was confused, he watched as Ryan walked forward following the men out of the mess hall.

As they met in the administrations cabin, Ryan was asked to sit, as the men introduced themselves.

The heavyset man, with a white beard and mustache introduced himself as Andrew Bissell, the next was a built man, shorter than Andrew. His name was Bart Thomas, the next Trenton McKee, and Keller Dayton. They informed him that they were from and that Trent, Andrew, and Bart were policemen and Keller was an attorney.

“Ryan, we’re going to need you to come back with us.” Keller said quickly.

“Why? What’s wrong?”

“We’ve found your parents” Keller licked his lips explaining quickly “Five years ago, you were lost in a storm, the Benson’s found you, they took you home –“

“What?” Ryan said confused, he was horrified “but I want to stay with my parents.”

“You don’t have a choice” Keller said.

“I don’t care who they are” Ryan’s eyes turned to Keller then to Bart, then Andrew and Trenton “I want to go home to my parents.”

“Ryan” Keller placed his hand on Ryan’s shoulder but Ryan shrugged it off standing up, how could they do this to him. He loved his parents he didn’t want anyone else. “Ryan, you’re thirteen, you don’t have any legal say.

“My parent’s will fight for me.”

“Your real parents have the upper hand in the case.” Keller said, he licked his lips again, “Ryan, no matter how well-meaning Pam and Peter Benson were, they stole you from your parents. They made no attempt to contact local police, to report a missing person; they took you from right under your parent’s feet.”

“I don’t care” Ryan said, he was whimpering now “They didn’t care enough to come after me, why should I care.”

Andrew stepped forward “I’ll accompany back to your tent, we’ll get your things packed up, we have to leave in twenty minutes.”

Ryan shook his head, feeling tears fill his eyes. But the two policemen beside him urged him forward. They escorted him back to his tent were he started to pack up his things. As he walked out of the tent Tanner watched, asking what was going on.

“Ryan, where are you going?” he asked, following him as he was escorted to a black car. Ryan couldn’t answer while Andrew shut the door after he got in. He watched as the camp grew smaller and smaller.

…

By the time that they had made it onto the highway it was three hours later, and Keller had grown tired of the constant silence. With one whip of his hand he turned the dial on the radio finding a suitable station for his taste.

It was an old Frank Sinatra tune. Ryan watched as Keller tapped his leg to the tune looking at the rearview mirror every so often looking at Ryan.
Once they reached the airport the two of the policemen, Trent and Andrew excused themselves, while Bart stayed with Keller and Ryan.

While Keller checked in all of Ryan’s luggage, Bart walked with Ryan through security and to the gate where they waited to board the plane. Keller walked up a few minutes later as Ryan sat in the chair, Bart was sitting next to him, writing something down, a report of some sort.

“I thought you might want something to eat.” Keller said handing Ryan a sack from McDonalds, “There’s a cheese burger and some fries in there.” He said, he handed another bag to Ryan, the third he kept for himself opening it, pulling out a sandwich.

Ryan opened his and opened it slowly, pulling the burger out eating small portions. They ate their food in silence waiting for the flight.

“Flight 8-39 to Fairfax Virginia is boarding now” a women behind the counter said.

“Well that’s us” Keller remarked picking up his empty sack throwing it in the garbage. Bart patted Ryan’s back.

“Let’s go.” He said Ryan stood up and walked with them towards the gate.

“Dale, what are you doing here?” Pete stepped out of his car, walking towards his lawyer who had his car parked in front of Pete’s house.

“We need to talk Pete” Dale said shaking hand’s briefly.

“What, you didn’t come to ask for a cup of sugar or something?” Pete asked smiling back, he led the way into the house.

“You’re going to want to sit down.” Dale said as soon as Pete shut the door to the his home. Pam walked into the room she smiled seeing Dale.

“Hey Dale. Do you want some coffee?” she asked.

“No thank you” Dale unbuttoned his one button in his suit coat inviting both of them to sit down, in their front room.

“What do you need, Dale. What’s wrong?” Pete asked observing Dale’s solemn manner.

“Ryan’s parents want him back.”

“What are you talking about?” Pete asked sitting forward in the chair “Your joking. Ry -”

“I’m not” Dale replied, he pulled out a folder from his briefcase opening it. “They drew up the blood test this morning. You have no contest.”

“No” Pam refused to look at the papers pushing them back towards Dale “We’ll fight for him.”

“Look, the parents don’t want to file charges, they want their son back and legally he is theirs.”

“What? How could they file charges?”

“Several ways; kidnapping, false identitification, tampering with a search and rescue party, negligence to turn the child into protective custody. Shall I go on?” he asked. Ryan’s parents stared at their lawyer “Yes these are all on the table.” He said explaining if pushed the allegations would be surfaced to support the prosecution.

“Dale, you know we would never do that, he was left in a hole, bleeding with a concussion.” Pete retorted.

“Listen I’m recommending you don’t push it, this guy’s lawyer will drag your names into the ground if he has to.”

“They’re not parents. Who just decides one day after five years of missing a child that they want him back. I mean, what a bunch of little rats, what do they want money?” she asked “Does he have some secret fortune from someone and they want it –“ Pam stood up walking around, her hands shaking in frustration.

“Pamela –“ Dale started.

“They can’t just take him away, we’ve given him our lives, everything.”

“He’s not your child.” Dale repeated firmly looking at both of them “You took him from his parents. If provoked you can guarantee you will be nailed to a cross.”

“Who are they? Who are these people?”

“They asked me not to disclose their names.”

“They’re taking my son!” She yelled grabbing onto the back of a chair she was now behind.

“Take it up with their lawyer then. I would be breaching confidentiality.”

Pete stood up to looking hard at Dale “Give me the name of the son of a bitch, I’ll go down their now.”

“No” the lawyer stared hard back “I’m telling you both, they are being very generous at not charging you both with attempted kidnapping. They could charge you on numerous counts. This lawyer will make your life a living hell.” Dale said flatly.

“Give me the name!” Pete yelled.

…



Shoving the last rock into place against the hill, Harold wiped his hands looking proudly at his project. He had taken the Saturday off to finish the last of his ‘honey do’ list his wife made before she went to the store. Satisfied with his work he sighed and turned to walk back towards the house.

As he padded through the grass towards the porch he could sense someone following him. Turning around quickly he saw Taylor’s dad, Pete walking towards him, his pace was fast and his face unfriendly as he neared Harold, who had stopped walking.

“Pete” he looked at the man, holding out his hand to shake Taylor’s dads hand.

“Cut the crap” Pete growled looking him over, “You honestly think you could just come and take him away like that.”

“You did” Harold replied, he turned around and started walking towards the house.

“You know what this is going to do to him. We’re the only parents he knows. You left him in a lightening storm.”

“Talk to my lawyer” Harold blew him off; he wasn’t going to yield to the heckling.

“No, I’m not leaving till you tell me what in the bloody hell were you thinking letting him out there.”

“Save it for the courtroom Pete” Harold repeated, still walking. Pete followed him, gaining on him fast.

As he reached Harold, Pete pulled his shoulder around to look at him again “You can’t take my son.”

“Get off my property” Harold replied as coolly as he had before.

Pete’s hand flew towards Harold but he caught it before it reached his face, twisting it around the Pete’s back, forcing him to the ground. Shocked by the reaction Pete gorged his teeth into Harold’s hand.

Out of response, Harold wrapped his free arm around Pete’s neck putting him a chokehold, quickly Pete let go choking, trying to pull Harold’s arm.

“Pete, calm down.” Harold tried to speak calmly again; he understood he might act out similar to this if he were in the same place and if the given circumstances were switched.

“Ok” Pete gave in squeezing out his words because he was loosing consciousness. Harold slowly loosened his grip letting Pete fall to the ground slowly.

“I don’t want to call the police, but you give me no other option“ he said walking back to the house; he dialed the police ordering Pete’s removal.

…

Shutting the door to their room, Jackie walked towards the bed looking at her husband, he was changing his light blue KY t-shirt for a white dress shirt, blood was on his sleeve.

“What happened?” she asked, walking up looking at his arm.

“Pete stopped by” Harold replied glancing up at her as he fixed the cuff buttons on his shirt.

“Harold” she placed her hand on his wrist “Are we doing the right thing, taking him away from Pam and Pete? They are nice people” Her husband stopped trying to force the small plastic piece into its vertical hole looking up at his wife.

“What would you think if you were in her place? They are gracious people, and we owe them a thanks for saving Brian, -“

“I don’t know, I want him back here. God knows I want him home. What is this going to do to him? What does he even remember about us? Will he like us, is he going to want to run away, will he accept what’s happening?”

“I don’t know either” Harold replied dumbly “I’m glad he was it good hands, but imagine if we hadn’t done anything.”

“This isn’t going to be easy” she said stepping back to sit on the bed.

“I wouldn’t be doing it if it was. What do you feel in your heart?” he asked.

“To find him, to hold him, and love him, but –“ she sighed, her husband sat down beside her.

“No matter what we do we’re not going to make everyone happy, but does that mean we lay everything we’ve grieved for aside to let the very people that took him from us keep him.”

“I don’t want to give him up, not now, not ever.” She said looking up at him deeply moved by the complications pulling at her heartstrings.

“Then we’ll get through this, one day at a time.” He said sighing; they were both committed to this now. Neither could back out, they embraced.

…


Brian sat in Keller’s office, they had just barely entered Virginia skies, and already Keller was ordering returns on lab tests and other samples.

“Brian” Keller stood up behind his desk, Ryan stared at the floor while Keller read aloud what he was looking at “Brian is your name, your date of birth is February twentieth, nineteen-seventy-five. Your full name is Brian Thomas Littrell. Your parent’s are Harold and Jackie Littrell, and siblings; Harold “Baker” Littrell and Kate Lynn Littrell.”

Keller passed the paper to Ryan laying it at the edge of the desk, then picked up a folder continuing.

“Medical records from seventy-five to eighty-three. A diagnosis of congenital heart disease in nineteen-eighty…” he continued walking through everything, Ryan sniffed silently listening. He was stick in a place where he didn’t want to be, with someone he had never met, and as far as he knew he was never going to see his family again. Everything was so unfair. Why couldn’t these people just let him live with his parents, if they truly loved him they would see that he wanted to be with his mom and dad?

Resting the files down on his desk Keller picked up the phone. As he dialed a number he looked over at Ryan smiling.

“Baker, this is Keller Dayton. Are your parent’s there?” Ryan watched as Keller sat back down in his chair scooting back comfortable in the leather. “Oh, Good, well then. All right thanks, bye.

“They are out the door.” He said hanging up the phone.

…

Biting her nails nervously Jackie looked out the window, watching as the building entitled Dayton – Hailey came into view. She took a small gulp and looked in the rear view mirror at her daughter and son and then at her husband, who was intently driving. She sighed biting her nail again. How was this going to turn out?

…

When he first saw them Ryan felt his heart skip a beat he was nervous. His palms were sweaty and he could feel the perspiration running from his brow. The women was the first to come to him, She placed her hands on his face caressing his cheeks like he was a china doll. She felt his shoulders and his arms, and then replaced her hands cupping his face with them as tears swept down her face.

“My Baby” she smiled standing back for a moment “Brian” she wrapped her arms around him, hugging him, kissing his head, running her hands through his hair. She was a very warm and welcoming person but he was so afraid of leaving the only life he remembered.

Finally after what seemed like minutes, she separated from him, looking sideways at the man beside her. He held a child, the girl, Kate. Putting his daughter down the man smiled warmly looking back at Ryan he gave a much firmer hug, kissing the top of Ryan’s head. Then he stepped back gazing as his wife came forward again. Quietly wrapping her arm around his shoulder, she guided him towards Baker, he smiled briefly giving Ryan a weak hug, saying a “hi” before he stepped back.

“Hi” Ryan replied trying to figure out how he felt, for some reason he didn’t feel comfortable around Baker, it might have possibly been since he dated Taylor.

Kate was next, she walked up to him pulling a flower from her pocket in her dress, it was smashed on one side but she handed it to him smiling. He took it thanking her quietly.

“This is your little sister, Kate, that is Baker, I’m your mom, and this is your dad” the women smiled.

“What are your names.” Ryan asked quietly.

“Mine Jackie, and this is Harold.” The women explained. Ryan nodded he would call them that.

“So how was camp?” Harold asked leading him out the door, breaking the ice.

“Good” Ryan replied, he watched as some people behind him picked up his bags and walked with them taking them to the car. He shuddered for a moment, looking at the car. Kate smiled looking up at him, pulling at his hand.

“Will you sit with me?” she asked. Harold released his hand from Ryan’s shoulder picking up Kate, walking around the other side of his Lexus to his daughter in her car seat. At the prompting of Jackie, Ryan got in the car next; Baker who had remained quiet sat next to him on the other side.

Kate was a blessing during the ride home, as she started singing her songs, asking, “Brian, have you ever heard Little Bow Peep?” Ryan turned, a little after the fact not realizing he was being called.

“Yes” he said, he was watching as Jackie looked up in the rear view mirror every so often, a smile always spread across her face. Harold did to but much less since he was concentrating on the road. As he watched he saw Jackie bit at her nail and look out the window nervously. Without Kate’s words it would have been a very awkward twenty-minute drive.

Finally as they reached the house, Ryan recognized the front from the pictures his sister had taken. It stung his heart as he remembered he wasn’t returning home. Baker got out and went directly towards the door, Jackie called to him once before he disappeared.

“Daddy, do I have to go to bed now?” she asked, as he pulled her out of her car seat.

“No” he said, “do you want to stay up?” she nodded,

Ryan stepped out of the other side not knowing what to do next

Jackie walked over to take Kate from her husband so he could help Brian with his things.

“Brian, have you eating anything? I’m making pot roast.”

Ryan turned his gaze from the trunk that Harold had opened to Jackie “I’m not hungry” he replied softly. He looked back at Harold who was holding out a bag, he took it and another.

Harold took the rest in; Jackie had already walked into the house, feeling a little sad her food was being rejected.

“Are you playing any basketball?” Harold asked still walking with Brian up towards the cement steps. He led the way into the front hall.

“Yeah?” he replied, he gazed about the room. The walls were bathed in a dark rich chocolate with white baseboards and molding, on the floor crème slate tiling. A small, table stood by the post of the stairway that was in side profile to the front door. A ledge was set a few feet up where pots full of plants and flowers. As he continued to gaze about as they walked up the tiled steps Ryan was noticing his house was at least to him, not conducive to children, but where was it his business to pry? They walked up the stairs that spanned a good four feet in span, each step outcropped a ways as well giving you enough to room to actually step.

As they reached the top Harold escorted Ryan to his room, opening the large door.

“Do you want some help unpacking?” Harold asked watching Brian put down his things at the end of the bed.

Ryan had returned his gaze from the intricacies of the room back to Harold “No” he said softly. Nodding, Harold smiled and left Ryan to his own shutting the door as he went.

As soon as he heard it click Ryan sat down on the edge of the bed then slid off it, pulling his legs towards him so he could cry. He was ripped from Camp, without a goodbye from his parents, and now he was in this place with people he didn’t know.

“Mommm. Dadddd.” he cried then softly buried his head in his hands.

…


“Mommy” Kate said as her Mom walked with her up the stairs. Jackie held her hand as they walked up the stairs, they met Harold as he came down, she placed her hand on his chest stopping him.

“Is he ok?” she asked.

“He’s inside crying.” Harold murmured softly.

“Can we go kiss his owwie?” Kate asked, she had overheard Harold bent down looking at her smiling

“I think he’d like that, but not right now. Sometimes people just need to be left alone for a few minutes.”

“Can we go now?” she asked, hoping enough time had passed.

“Tell you what, you go with Mom right now and get ready for dinner, and then I’ll take you up. Ok?” he asked smiling.

“Ok” Kate smiled.

Ryan wiped his eyes dry hearing a knock come at the door; he got up from the ground staring at his bag. He was thinking he could just pretend to unpack, but as he looked about he was clueless as to where to put things.

The door opened and he turned around seeing Jackie walk in “Need some help?” she asked, he nodded wiping his hands on his pants. Jackie opened the first bag; it was full of dirty clothes from camp “We’ll get your dad to come take these down to the washer” she said taking the one bag to the door setting it down. As she came back she found some pants placing them up to her nose to smell if they were clean. Ryan flinched a little but she continued it sorting out the dirty from the ones that were clean, She did that with all of his clothes making a folded section across his bed, handing him them to sort out. The dirty pairs she threw to the side in the dirty pile. After a few minutes of this she looked at him, and smiled “We’ve missed you so much.”

He looked over at the clothes laid out across the bed; he was so confused because had been left out of everything. He swallowed hard forcing back the tears that were coming up again. Jackie placed her hands on his face again turning his chin towards her.

“Oh sweetheart, I know this is hard” she bent down hugging him “Pam and Peter are wonderful people, we’ve been bless that they found you.” She ran her fingers through her hair “You’re dad and I searched forever, we never stopped thinking you were out there someplace.”

Ryan felt her caress his back, he couldn’t speak, his emotions were caught up in his throat, he wanted to throw a fit and cry. “I want to go home” he begged, “Please let me go home.” He blurted.

The words had made it to Jackie’s ears, he felt her hands slacken, he had thrown this ball of fire in her face and she didn’t know what to do with it/. Finally she answered, “You are home.” She whispered. Her mascara was now slipping down the corners of her eyes as she looked at him. “You are finally home.” She whispered.

“You left me.” he bumbled his face was in a small frown.

“No, no” she whispered, hearing her words repeat in her mind ‘this isn’t going to be easy’ “Brian” she tried to speak.

“My Name is Ryan.” He said again, he was starting to throw a fit, he didn’t know where his temper had come from but he certainly knew how to use it, why was he supposed to stand and let the game be played while he sat like a stupid pawn.

Jackie, ever patient, tried again “Do you know where your name came from?” she asked, “Thomas was your grandfather’s name. and Brian is –“

“I want to be left alone.” Ryan felt his cheeks growing hot, he didn’t care anymore, he wanted to hide in the huge closet or better yet jump out the window and run away.

Jackie had taken six swift blows to the heart; she let him go and walked out of the room shutting the door quietly behind her as she did.

Ryan ran to the corner of the room where he found a corner he could crawl into, he hid as far back into the closet as he could, pulling his legs up as he cried again.

…

Harold was giving Kate a piggyback ride, waiting for Jackie to call him back up to grab the dirt clothes, but now as he reached the top step to the second floor he saw her walking to their bedroom. He slowly let Kate down from his back “Can we go so Brian now?” she asked walking around in front of him, grabbing his legs, dropping herself in-between them.

“Not now, why don’t you go get Baker for dinner” he said smiling touching her nose lightly with the point of his finger. Kate nodded as she started for the door “Kiss?” Harold asked bending his cheek to one side. Kate smiled giggling; she ran back planting a cute kiss on his cheek then ran back towards Baker’s door. Harold stood up and walked towards the master bedroom, opening it and walking in.

When he peered in he saw Jackie was standing by the window hugging herself, looking out the window, he opened the door the full way walking in, then shut it behind him clearing his throat to let her know he was there. She turned then looked back out the window, her shoulders shaking again.

“I know” she whispered.

“I wasn’t going to say anything?” he replied, walking to her resting his hands under hers and his chin on her shoulder “I was to afraid to do it” he admitted softly looking out the window where she was gazing.

“I know it was going to be hard, but I wasn’t expecting it to be like this” her words halted in the end as she chocked on her tears. They both stared ahead for what seemed like perpetuity, quietly comforting each other as they doused their own thoughts with the events of the day. “I wish I could just wipe it all away” she whispered finally wrapping her hands around his leaning back exhaling.

“He’ll come around when he’s ready.” Her husband whispered kissing her temple, she turned her mouth up towards him welcoming the affection. She would be lost without him.

Harold knew he would be acting differently if he weren’t with his wife. He still felt the pain and anxiety that was coming with this, but it was built in him to calm her fears and through that vicariously sooth his own.

For a few moments his mind wandered, It was nice having a wife who let him take care of her, he knew many women who were bound and determined to prove they were strong. Jackie was not a mouse in any sense, like everyone wanted to pin her with, she could hold her own, and scold at times when he felt to softhearted to. They balanced each other.

“Mommy, Daddy” Kate came jumping in the room. Harold let Jackie go as she walked to the bathroom to fix her mascara again. “I’m hungry” she smiled bouncing around, she grabbed at her dad’s legs holding up her hands to be held.

Leaning down he picked her up throwing up above his head before he caught her again “did you get Baker?” he asked.

“He’s on the phone,” she giggled wrapping her hands around his neck swinging from side to side.

Harold remembered, they had yet to talk to Baker about all of this. He had gone to visit his friend in Massachusetts at his new school for a few days, and had just come back.

Jackie walked back out, she was still a little shaken but she was trying to regain her composure.

“The food is ready downstairs.” She said walking out the door.

“We haven’t talked to Baker about all this.” He watched her stop at the door resting her hand on the molding of the entryway into their bedroom.

“After dinner” she asked looking back at him, he agreed and followed her out to go down the stairs.

“I’ll grab him to come and eat.” Harold said handing off Kate to Jackie, she walked down the stairs while Harold went to go to Baker’s door.

…


“Baker, my parent’s are saying that we can’t see each other anymore.” Taylor’s voice blared over the speakerphone.

“I don’t care what they say. This is their problem, it doesn’t matter what they’re doing. I’ll come and get you. We’ll just sneak out. We’re eighteen so we’re adults. We can do whatever we want.” He said back. He was sitting on his bed.

“Baker, you’re parents took my brother away from my family. If I was caught with you, we’d be in major trouble. Why would they do that, they put the rift between us.”

Harold was finished listening into the conversation, he pushed the already cracked door open, walking inside casually slipping his hands inside his dress pants. Leaning on the sidewall placing one leg lazily over the other, he looked towards his son. Baker didn’t notice him as he kept on talking.

“I don’t care, are we going to let them decide what happens between us?” he asked. He heard someone clearing their throat, and looked towards his Dad “We’re you listening to my conversation?” he asked, he was mad.

Harold stood up and walked back to the door “Dinner is ready, your sister came to get you but apparently you didn’t hear her either.” He retorted “Time to get off, we’re eating.”

“I don’t want to eat. I’m not hungry.” Baker barked back, Harold was not one to be talked back to, ever. He walked up to the phone taking it from Baker’s hand hanging up the phone as soon as he pried it from his son’s grip.

“Fuck you!” Baker yelled in frustration.

“I’m sorry you feel that way.” his dad replied walking out folding his arms, he shut the door, walking down the hall to the stairway. He made his way down the stairs stopping at the bottom step to exhale slowly, and clear his head. He rubbed his head, this was definitely not the cards he wanted in his deck.

…

Ryan, finally woke up, he was scrunched in the corner of the closet still, the sun hadn’t gone down the much, but he was feeling the pain from holding not going to the bathroom sooner, now he had no choice, unless he wanted to wet himself. He stood up and made his way out of the large walk in closet. After he was out of his room he made his way down to where Harold had pointed – where the restroom was.

After he had done his duty he made his way to the sink looking at his face in the mirror, his eyes were puffy and his lip was curled up from crying so much. He was still sad about it, but his nose smelled food a comforting aroma of a hot meal. His stomach began to growl as he finished drying his hands.

He started walking down the stairs casually looking into the kitchen as he made it to the bottom step. Kate was sitting to the side of Harold, her small feet dangling and swinging back and forth, as her dad coaxed the last of her food into her mouth.

“One more bit?” he asked, she shook her head, he put the spoon down, and picked up his own fork, finishing the rest of his food on his plate deciding she could sit there till she ate the last of her peas.

Jackie walked into view picking up her plate, then back out of view. The words Ryan had said before flooded into his mind, he felt a tiny twinge of regret for lashing out at Jackie, but still every bone in his body wanted to be back with his parents, his other parents.

Harold looked up from his plate smiling at Brian “Do you want something to eat now?” he asked.

Ryan nodded, he felt his hands slid into his pockets nervously, Harold stood up patting the chair on his right.

“Have a seat” he said standing up, he walked towards the kitchen area, getting
another helping of food.

“If she doesn’t eat that food, I want you to” Jackie said looking sideways at her husband refusing to let him scoop up any more.

“She’ll eat it” he replied taking a different spoon.

“Harold” she said looking at him again.

“She will” he repeated.

Jackie looked back and stared momentarily at Brian, a little shocked to see him then her gaze quickly flashed to her daughter. Kate had turned herself around in her chair, she was just about to stand up, “Harold” Jackie patted her husband’s busy food-grabbing hand “your daughter.”

Harold put his plate down on the counter and went to turn his daughter around. “I’m full” she said looking up at him, as he resituated her in her chair.

“You haven’t touched your food, eat some peas and then you can get down.” he replied “Brian what do you want to eat?” he asked after he unsuccessfully persuaded Kate to eat more of her peas.

“What do you have?” Ryan asked, he didn’t fight about his name, he wanted to, but he also wanted food.

“There’s pot roast, corn, rolls, salad, dressings, and peas” Harold looking down at his daughter who laughed. “You can dish up what you want.”

Ryan nodded moving nervously towards Jackie, she smiled at him and moved a little to the side so he could pick out what he wanted to eat. At first he was timid with his foot, pouring small portions of food onto his plate.

Harold walked over, filling his glass with more water from the tap, he watched as Brian placed miniscule portions of food onto his plate “You want some help?” Harold asked smiling but instead of waiting he walked over and took Ryan’s plate from him scooping up a good helping “Here” he handed it back with a fork he pulled from the drawer.

Ryan looked at the food, the aroma of roast filling his nostrils, it made the his mouth water. Jackie was sitting at the table looking sternly at her daughter now “Katie, you’re going to sit here until you eat this, do you want to eat it all by yourself or do you want your dad to help you with it?”

Kate shook her head wildly laughing at her mom then towards her dad, he had walked over to the back door, he was going to open it to go outside “I want to go outside” she said looking at her mom, who stood up giving up again.

“Hurry up and eat the last of your peas and you can come outside with me.” Harold called from the back door.

“I want to go now.” Kate said pulling herself around again, towards the char. Jackie walked back over placing her in her seat again. Ryan watched amused by the little girl.

“I guess you can sit with Brian than and watch while he eats. I’m going outside to the swing, it’s to bad there isn’t a little girl to push.” He said, Jackie looked up at her husband.

“Don’t taunt her,” she said looking at her husband.

“Kate” he repeated enticingly again not paying attention to his wife. He started to walk outside. Kate turned around fast in her chair picking up her spoon. scooting the last of her peas in her mouth she chomped on them and swallowed them, Ryan felt a small smile creep around the corner of his face, he quickly whipped it off shoving more food in his mouth.

“I’m done. I’m done!” Kate announced turning back around Harold shook his head smiling.

“Good girl” he said picking her up out of her chair “We’re going outside on the swing to celebrate” he said walking past Jackie who shook her head, she was always surprised how each time her daughter fell for that. It was just to bad that most times it took that to get her to eat her food. Jackie wanted the quicker way.

“I’m glad you – “ she stopped realizing Ryan had shut her down the last time she tried to bring something like that up, she walked towards the table to pick up her daughters plate and her husbands, laying them both in the sink. “Do you want any water or some milk?” she asked.

“Water please” he said opening his mouth; a pea fell out the side. Jackie smiled looking at him for a brief moment as if reminiscing before she turned around to grab a cup from the cupboard then placed it under the filter in the door of the fridge.

But deep down in my soul, down in my soul
There is one thing I know that I know

As Jackie brought the cup of water back to the table, Baker came into view “Baker do you want something to eat?”

He nodded; he had smelled the food for twenty minutes while his stomach twisted into a hungry knot. Silently he went to the cupboard to grab a plate. The back door opened, Kate came bouncing in front of Harold.

“Mommy can I have a pop sickle?”

Jackie started scooping up food for Baker, watching as her daughter jumped up and down at her feet. “I thought you were full.” Jackie handed the full plate to her son. Harold walked up to the counter grabbing his keys.

“Baker I need you to help me, with the car.” Baker had just stabbed his fork into the meat; he looked over as his Dad was already walking from the kitchen back into the front room. Baker looked over at his mom his mouth half full now of food.

“Do I have to go?” he asked looking at her.

“Baker” his dad’s voice called again, Jackie looked from her begging daughter to her son.

“Yes” she said taking his plate from him, while trying to keep on her feet, Kate had her hands wrapped around her legs.

Baker put down his plate swearing under his breath before; he walked to the front room.

Jackie sighed picking up her daughter “Mommy can Brian take me outside?” Kate asked, after her mom pulled a pop sickle out of the fridge.

“Honey” Jackie started, Ryan stood up.

“I’ll take her outside” he replied, it would give him a chance to get out of the house, away from all the uneasiness that was feeding on his mind.

Jackie rubbed the corner of her eye and let her daughter down “Thank you” she said “I’ll go get your wash done.”

Kate’s little hand wrapped around Ryan walking him to the door, he opened it and walked out to the back porch. It looked a little different from the pictures Taylor had sent. It seemed bigger. “Come on” Kate said tugging at his hand. She left him to climb up on a chair, it looked familiar.

A picture flashed in his mind, like an old photograph, he saw the chair and a table, a glass of something liquid on top of it.

“Please can I go?” a small voice murmured, Ryan searched around for Kate, she was sitting forward in the chair dangling her feet off the edge. She pointed to the chair beside her.

“Go Where?” he asked looking at her. Kate pulled strands of her hair with her little finger sticking it in her mouth, chewing on it; she dropped it hearing his voice.

“What?” she asked smiling; she slid off the chair and waddled down the steps of the porch to the patio. Ryan followed her down ducking under the trees that graced the porch way.

“Kate” Ryan asked as he made it to the bottom she was heading for a tree, she turned around looking at him.

“What?” she asked again.

“You didn’t ask if you could go someplace?” he asked fallowing her to the tree

“Huh?” she asked as she started to climb up the tree.

“Are you supposed to be doing that?” he asked.

“No” she slid down and started skipping across the grass “I want to play dead log” she said looking at him.

“What?” Ryan asked he was confused.

…


Baker sat now in the passenger seat of his dad’s Lexus as they drove around a few blocks; they had been sitting in silence for a few minutes before his dad spoke a word.

“I know this is hard for you Baker, but –“

“What’s hard?” Baker shot back cruelly looking out the window.

“Something’s wrong or else you wouldn’t be making it so blatantly clear that you’re upset.” Harold glancing at his son then back at the ahead at the road “You want to tell me what’s on your mind.”

“No” Baker replied flatly “You don’t tell me anything why should I tell you.

“I don’t need you to be sassy with me.” Harold cut his eyes towards his son “Your mad at something, you mind clueing me in.”

“Why should I, you seem to make all the decisions and know everything I do without me knowing.” Baker said bitterly.

“Is this because of Brian coming home?”

“His name is Ryan, he’s not your son anymore. You ruined everything. Pam and Pete are good people.” Baker glared out the front of the window.

“I ruined everything?” Harold stopped the car to the side of the road and turned to look at his son, pulling the seatbelt off “What did I ruin?” Baker met his dad’s glaring gaze then stared in front of him “I don’t need any patronizing from you. In case you’ve forgotten we are the legal and biological parents of Brian. You are his brother. You’re girlfriend has nothing to do with that. I’m sorry if you’ve had to forfeit your relationship, but your mother and I have given Pete and Pamela every benefit of the doubt. We didn’t ruin anything. I refused to press charges. I think I’ve been pretty damn nice about this whole thing. No matter how good willed they intended to be, the broke the law”

“She does – I don’t care.” Baker blurted frustrated.

“You do care, don’t tell me that.” Harold replied back “You swore at me head on. Baker you are to old to have your mouth washed out. I expected a little bit more civility out of you. Either you tell me what’s going on or I set you up with someone else that can help you.” Harold gave him an ultimatum.

“Nothing’s wrong with me!” Baker yelled ‘Why are you trying ot make something wrong. I’m just pissed about what you did, you totally just, you ruined everything! You’ve been too busy to notice.”

“I’ve noticed, but I would’ve though you might have come to either your mother or I to talk about it, you know you always can.”

“You didn’t ask me about how I felt having him come here.”

“He’s your flesh and blood Baker, what is with you?” Harold was so stressed out form the day. The outburst Baker had displayed earlier that evening was not like him at all. “He’s staying so get used to it.

“I don’t want any more of this bullshit, if you have a problem come and talk to me or you mom. Your language was uncalled for, I if I ever hear anything like that out of you again, you better watch your back.” Harold warned “Because I won’t hesitate to discipline you if needs be, got that.”

Baker nodded his head. Even in a battle of guts he lost out to his dad, it was frustrating.

…

Ryan shut the door behind him as he and Kate walked inside again, he could hear clothes turning in the washer, soon sure enough Jackie walked out with a bundle of clean clothes.

As he walked more inside the house though he heard the sound of a guitar playing, not rock but some sort of Spanish mix. He looked at Jackie in bewilderment but said nothing.

“Dirk recorded it with your father a while back.” She said as she placed the clothesbasket on the table “He and your father plunk around guitars every so often.” She murmured, her mind was else ware, mainly on where her husband and eldest son had gone so mysteriously.

Ryan didn’t bother asking anything else, he had a plan “Can I go get a shower?” he asked. Jackie looked up from her project.

“Of course” she smiled, and then looked down, he had really made her feel uncomfortable today. “Here are some clean clothes.” She handed him a pair of underwear and a shirt, and some pajama pants.

“Thanks” he said taking them up to the top floor; he walked into the front room where he saw a cordless phone, he picked it up and walked up the stairs heading for the restroom.

After he locked the door to the bathroom, he turned on the fan and dialed his parent’s phone.

It rang twice before someone picked it up “Hello?” a voice answered, it was his Dad, and Ryan felt tears flow to his eyes.

“Hi Dad” he choked, thru tears

“Ryan” Pete exclaimed shocked, but his voice sounded pleased.

“Come get me Dad, please” he begged, “I want to be with you and Mom” he cried.

“Ryan,” Pete wanted to, he desperately wanted to “Son – we’re fighting to get you back. We’re going to get you back.” He said reassuringly “You’re going to come home believe me.”

“I want to come home now.” He whimpered, putting his hand on the counter.

“Are they hurting you?” Pete asked.

“No’ Ryan said “but I want to come home.” He begged “Please Dad.”

…

Baker slammed the door shut and ran up the stairs to his room, While Harold walked into the kitchen sighing dropping his keys on the counter, watching as his wife continued to fold clothes.

“Where’d you go?” Jackie placed the folded clothes into the basket and handed it to her husband.

“Just had a chat with Baker.” He said unenthusiastically “I’m not going to make it to the service tomorrow morning.” He took the basket, still looking at his wife.

“I don’t think any of us are going to make it tomorrow morning,” Jackie said doubtfully rubbing her head.

Harold nodded watching her take the other hamper; he followed her up the stairs to Brian’s bedroom. When the reached the room, Harold noticed it was empty ‘Where’s Brian?” he asked.

“He said he wanted to take a shower.” Jackie said.

Listening with his ear for a moment Harold looked at his wife ‘I don’t hear a shower going” he replied.

“Maybe he take’s quick showers.” His wife placed the hamper down taking the clothes out putting them into the various drawers. She put the pairs of socks and the underwear in the top drawer.

“How long has it been?” Harold asked, picking out more socks to hand to his wife.

‘Five minutes, I think.” She sighed rubbing her head again.

‘You alright?” he asked watching her stuff the rest of the socks in, and shut the drawer, she opened the next and haphazardly placed Brian’s pajama pants and shirts inside it, then shut it. “Jackie” Harold asked again watching her shut the next drawer, she sniffled again, but opened the next drawer shoving Brian’s jeans into it. Harold walked towards her, she looked down miserably at the hamper “Jackie, what is it?” he asked again.

She sighed “Can you do the rest of this” she asked handing him the hamper. Without another word she walked out of the room. Harold looked up at the ceiling for a moment as if to say ‘huh? You can’t honestly expect me to understand what they want if they don’t tell me’. Sighing he put the rest of the clothes away and placed one laundry basket inside the other.

After he was finished he walked out of the bedroom and towards the bathroom to check on Brian, as he held his ear up to the door – knocking -, to see if the shower was going he overheard Brian gulping down tears.

“Brian?” Harold asked “You all right in there?”

He heard muffled cries so he placed his hand on the door it was locked.

“Brian?” he asked again, banging lightly on the door “Are you dressed?” he asked.

Still no reply, Harold stuck his nail in the small hole turning the unlocked, and opened it. Stepping inside he saw Brain sitting in the tub, the curtain pulled the whole way around he was on the phone.

“Whom are you talking to?” Harold asked, pulling the curtain back.

Ryan dropped the phone seeing Harold had caught him “I, I” he bumbled.

“I don’t think you can take a shower in clothes, and it’s not safe taking one with a phone in” he said smiling warmly “Come on, I’ll help you out” he said holding out his hand.

Ryan stood up, he looked at the phone that was now under the faucet at the end of the tub “I was talking to my dad” he said finally. Harold looked at him, only flashing a hurt look as he helped Ryan out of the tub.

“Finish up your conversation” Ryan heard Harold say hesitatingly then walked out the door. Ryan looked at the phone, he felt bad, he had successfully delivered low blows to both Jackie and Harold.

His plan didn’t seem to end how he wanted it to, instead of ending his conversation he turned off the phone and walked down the stairs towards the kitchen, Kate was picking out a book from a shelf as she walked up through the kitchen she looked at Ryan smiling “Daddy’s going to read me a story, you want to hear?” she asked.

Ryan shook his head, his throat was dry, and he gulped back his guilt “no” he replied softly.

“Come on please” Kate begged “Daddy’s the best at reading.” She beamed; she took his hand pulling him along to go with her.

“Kate no!” Ryan said pulling his hand away. Kate looked at him, her large blue eyes hurt. she waddled up the stairs holding onto the railing as she went up.

He watched as she went running to her parents’ room, the book dragging behind her “Daddy!” she said running to him.

“Honey I don’t think I’m going to be able to read you a story tonight, do you want Mom to put you to bed?” Ryan could hear him say.

“I want you to” she started to cry everyone was refusing her.

“Ok, ok” her dad gave in, picking her up; he walked across the hallway with her and the book in his hand towards her bedroom.

Ryan walked up the stairs and straight to his room, everything was clean, his bags were in the closet and his clothes were all hung and put away, but as he sat on his bed he could overhear Harold in kate’s room reading her a story.

…

“Papa bear took a taste of his porridge and said” Harold put his voice low “well Mamma Bear this porridge is too hottt” he said shaking his face a little “too hot, too hot” he repeated, Kate giggled, “Mamma bear took a taste of hers and looked at it” he put his voice up a little higher “mine is much too cold.” He continued in his own voice narrating the story “Then Baby bear, who refused to touch her porridge –“

“That’s not how it goes Daddy” Kate smiled.

“How do you know?” he asked looking at her.

“Because” Kate said assuredly back.

“So the three bears decided to go out and play in the park to wait for their porridge to be just right….”

Kate continued to listen, her gaze fell to her door as she saw Ryan standing in the doorway.

He had his eyes closed, listening to the voices and imagining what Harold was talking about.

Kate’s dad continued to read the story then after a few more minutes of monologue and narration he finished the book shutting it. “Read it again.” She smiled.

“One, is enough for tonight” he replied standing up and leaning over her to tuck her in.

“Please Daddy” she begged watching Ryan slip out of view.

Planting a kiss on her forehead and puckering up for a small peck on the lips he shook his head “no” he said quickly puckering his lips again, waiting for her to kiss him, he did “Get some sleep.”

“I love you” she whispered, her eyes closing.

“I love you more” he whispered back smiling kissing her cheek.

“I want bear” she said opening her eyes again.

“Alright” Harold pulled a small bear from the end of the bed tucking It in with his daughter “now go to sleep” he said kissing her head again, touching her cheek before he stood up and finally walked out of the room.

…

As he sat in his room in the dark he heard Harold walk past the door into the master bedroom, and shut the door. Ryan continued to sit on the bed. He felt so out of place, but there was nothing he could do. He was now in Fairfax, and his parents were in Annandale. He had neither the means nor the guts to try and run away. He laid down on the bed, all his clothes still on, he slid his hands under his pillow, burring his face in the pillow.

…


Harold undid his shirt, and pulled it off, throwing it in a hamper while he stepped out of his shoes. Jackie was sitting on the ottoman at the end of their bed, Harold walked up behind her sliding his leg behind her back so he could sit behind her.

“Brian, was talking to someone on the phone.” He said leaning his chin on her shoulder his voice was tired. His wife looked down, she could feel her husband’s hands along her stomach, rubbing it gently.

“I’m tired,” she murmured.

“Me too” he replied in a whisper, moving his hands up higher towards her breasts, he kissed her neck.

She moved her head away; pushing his hands down with hers “Not tonight” she said standing up.

“Didn’t see that one coming” he said tapping the ottoman.

“Our son is in the other room, and we’re in here –“ she growled turning around.

“Honey, what is wrong?” he asked before she could continue, “You can’t just expect me to read your mind.” He replied.

“I just want to sleep tonight.” She replied going for the bathroom to change.

“I do to, but –“

“No sex” she walked back in, pulling off her shirt, she walked back towards him sitting down, “will you unzip this” she asked softer.

Harold sighed, rubbing his forehead, he undid her zipper, and automatically went to undo her bra, simply out of habit. She pushed his hands away, and stood up walking to the bathroom.

“The door’s open.” He said watching her slip off her blouse, she didn’t respond. He walked over to it shutting it softly then walked to the bed sitting down dejectedly.

A few minutes later his wife walked back into the room and sat on the bed beside him, he was reading a book, she slid under the covers lying on her back. Harold put down his book looking at her.

“Does this have anything to do with what happened today?” he asked. She didn’t respond. Harold shut his book putting it on his lap, he leaned over her pulling her hair from her face “Jackie?”

“Please Harold.” She whispered. He looked up at the ceiling again, then moved back to his side of the bed, sliding out, she turned around watching as he walked to the door “Where are you going?”

“To lock the house,” he said walking out of the room.

…

As the lights flipped off Ryan heard footsteps returning up the stairs, and the door to his room open.

“You awake?” he heard. Ryan sat up his leg was stiff and asleep.

“Yeah” he replied, trying to wipe away his tears.

“I’m turning on the light.” Harold said, doing what he had said. Ryan blinked as the room became bright. “You mind if we talk for a little while.”

Ryan sat on the bed, Harold came and sat down beside him “I just want to go home” he murmured looking at the floor.

“Brian, this is your home. We are your parents,”

“But –“

“There are no buts, that’s how it is” Harold replied “Now I know that Pamela and
Pete have been more than gracious taking you in, but Brian they are not your parents –“

“They are” Ryan said angrily.

“Brian they stole you,” Harold sighed “They took you from us.”

‘Why didn’t you come after me.”

“It’s complicated.” Harold replied.

“No it’s not, I was lost and you didn’t look.”

“Brian you were in the middle of a thunder storm. These storms aren’t petty, they throw hale, lightning, the rain usually creates mudslides. We searched for five weeks for you. The Bensons –“

“They’re my parents.”

“Brian” Harold said, trying to keep his cool, it had been a long day, that was getting longer by the moment “They are not your parents. I don’t want you calling them that anymore, understood.”

Ryan looked up at him, was this guy serious. Harold stared firmly back.

“They disregarded an investigation that was going on, and they took you. They never reported you missing to us, or to the police. They flew your to Maryland under false Identification, and then claimed you as their son. That is not a parent, no matter what their intentions were.”

Ryan felt the words hit him like rocks, he had never heard any of this “it’s not true.”

“Brian, it is true. I sat on a horse, I almost road to death, for two days searching for you, it was pouring the winds at one point were up to eighty, it’s a miracle you are
alive.”

Ryan sat on the bed, the lump in his throat growing larger and larger, he gulped, tears flowing through his eyes.

“These next few weeks are going to be tough. I can only imagine how confused you are right now” Harold sighed “But I don’t want you calling the Bensons again, you understand me.”

“Why” Ryan looked up hurt.

‘Because, they want to go to court over this but they are going to loose, If you want them to walk out graciously then don’t drag them through it.” Harold sighed, “Brian you are thirteen, and you are my responsibility, not there’s, they are not supposed to be able to contact you or this family.”

“Why?” Ryan didn’t like this guy.

“I asked that everything be kept in anonymity and that no contacts be made, because the only way you’re going to make it through this is to not have them pulling you back and forth.”

“What if I want to go with them, Can’t you just let me leave?”

“You are really trying to make me out to be the devil aren’t you” Harold said looking at him, “Brian, there’s no way in hell I would give you up, you might not understand this now, but there is now way legally you can go back to them, if Keller had his way they would both be behind bars.”

‘But”

“I think we’re through with this topic” Harold replied.

“But”

“We’re done. I don’t want to talk about it anymore. I’ve explained myself. I don’t want to hear about the Bensons anymore.”

“But” Ryan started to cry.

“Yes, I know I’m going to be mean about this, but this is the only way we’re going to get through this. They are not your family, not now not ever.” He said. Ryan started to cry “Understood?” Harold asked. Ryan’s shoulders shook “Brian.” Harold repeated.

“Yes” Ryan mumbled.

Harold felt anguish for his son, but there wasn’t going to be any healing happening with the constant back and forth pull “I love you” he said softly “You Mom and I love you so much. Maybe tomorrow she can show you some old pictures and video tapes.” He suggested, he kissed his son’s head before he stood up.

Ryan sat still he could feel the sting from the tears, the words rattling in his ears.

“Get some sleep” he heard Harold say before he shut the door, Ryan laid back down on the bed crying himself to sleep.

When she woke up the next morning, Jackie felt her husband kiss her cheek lightly before he left for work. He had made little noise the whole morning and made no attempt to cuddle up for a few minutes, to just be with her. She knew it was because of what she had done the night before, but she just didn’t feel like it, at all. It had nothing to do with Brian, she just, she didn’t know why. She sat up in the bed, hearing the front door shut. She stood up and walked to the bathroom to get a shower. As she got out of the shower she yawned pulling a towel around her waist. The time on the clock above their bed read seven am.

Counting to three she timed the entrance of her daughter, who came running in with her bear.

“Morning” she smiled picking up Kate “You want to get Brian up, while I get Baker/” Jackie asked setting her down, so she could go change.

“Ok” Kate said excitedly, taking her bear with her.

…


Kate pushed the door open and waddled into Brian’s room, she patted the side of his bed to get him up “Brian” she said “Wake up!”

Ryan felt his bed shake only a bit, he rubbed his eyes, opening them. He almost forgot where he was for a moment, and then remembered. He looked over at the clock on the bedside table “It’s seven o clock” he mumbled closing his eyes.

“Yep!” Kate clapped her hands “Come on” she said smiling.

Ryan pulled his pillow over his head. These people got up early, why?

Another knock came at the door “You up?” he heard Jackie’s hesitating voice “We need to be out of here by eight for church.”

“Church?” Ryan asked, he hadn’t remembered ever going to church.

“Yep!” Kate said bouncing around the room.

“Kate go put your bear away so you can get a bath.” Jackie said running her fingers through her daughter’s hair.

“Can Bear take a bath with me?” she asked looking up at her mom, Jackie shook her head; Kate wandered out of the room.

“Do you have some dress pants and shirts?” Jackie asked, as Ryan got out of bed, he rubbed his head.


“No” he replied, he was about to say that he had a couple of pairs of nice pants at – but Harold had made it clear he didn’t want to hear about it. Ryan felt more tears fill his eyes.

Jackie looked at him, watching him try and hide his tears; she walked over to his bed and sat down beside him brushing his hair to the side, running her fingers through it.

Ryan shook his shoulders feeling Jackie pull him in letting him cry. They sat for a few minutes with silence between them, after another long while as he cried he heard her hum a tune massaging his back.

When his eyes were dry enough he looked at the clock and saw it was seven-fifteen. He whipped his eyes and sat up looking at her, she smiled warmly.

“Baker will have some clothes. You can just wear a sweater with some nice pants.” She said, cupping her hand around his cheek.

Ryan nodded, remembering how selfishly he dealt with her the day before “I’m sorry” his lip quivered.

“I am too” she said kissing his head hugging him quickly before pulling him back. They sat again for a few seconds before she looked at the clock herself “you already took your shower so all you –“

“I didn’t” he replied, looking down.

Jackie remembered what he her husband had tried to tell her about before, but decided to let it go, it would only make it harder on everyone “Ok, well you better get one fast, Baker will be up and getting in. He takes for ever in the shower.” She smiled, touching his cheek lightly. “I love you,” she whispered kissing his head, before she stood up again.

Ryan sighed watching her leave and attend to get some clothes for him to wear she came back a few moments later handing him a pair of pants and a dress shirt. “Thank you.”

She smiled and left again, resting her hand on her stomach as she went. Ryan paid little attention and instead walked to the bathroom seeing a clean towel laid across the sink.

…


Jackie sat down on the side of the tub scrubbing the shampoo through her daughter’s hair; Kate was playing with the bubbles as they slid down her small body towards the tub.

“Where’s Daddy?” Kate asked spitting small bubbles from her mouth.

“Working” Jackie replied whipping her daughters face “don’t swallow that.”

“Mom” Baker walked into the room “I don’t want to go to church today.”

“Baker, get ready we’re leaving in ten minutes.” Jackie replied looking at him.

“I don’t want to go.” Jackie poured the water over her daughter’s head, making sure all the soap was out. Kate started patting the water.

“Baker” Jackie said, holding her daughters’ hands still, she looked up at her son “You’re going, get ready.”

Baker growled and stormed out of the room. Jackie sighed pulling Kate out of the tub, wrapping her in a large towel.

“Mommy, what’s wrong?” Kate asked watching her mom sigh and rub her head.

‘Nothing sweetheart” she replied smiling for a moment. “I just wish Daddy was hear to help out.” She sighed, just wishing he could take over for a few minutes.

“Call him.” She said smiling, her teeth chattering, Jackie smiled rubbing her dry.

“I should call him.” She said smiling “but he’s busy sweetie.” She replied.

…

Ryan looked at the clothes, as he stood in the bedroom, the door was shut. The pants were large on him as he looked back at the mirror. He sighed buttoning up the shirt and stuffed in his pants as best he could. Everything looked a few sizes to big.

Lazily he walked out of his room, watching Baker storm across the way towards the bathroom. He wondered what was wrong with him.

…

When they walked into the church, Ryan was surprised how nice everyone was, he stayed close to Jackie though, making sure he didn’t loose her. When they sat down in the pews waiting for the service to start, Kate was walking back and forth begging for her mom’s attention at every moment.

“Jackie” a woman walked up to the pew behind them, “I’m sorry I forgot to call you about the music, we’re going to practice on Tuesday.”

“Oh” Jackie sighed “Thanks Sue I’ll have to call you.” She said smiling politely.

Baker put his head down on the pew in front of him, moping about still. “Baker” Jackie tapped his shoulder; he sat up and leaned back in the chair.

The sermon finally went underway, and Ryan listened he was a little confused, but felt something unusual as the pastor spoke. They sang a few hymns and listened some more before the sermon was over. After it ended, Ryan looked over at Jackie who was paying attention to her daughter.

“Let’s go” she said standing up.

“Finally” Baker mumbled, Jackie looked back at him, Ryan saw her speak with her eyes daring him to speak again.

As they got out to the car, and Jackie had finished putting Kate in her seat, Jackie stepped in the car and looked at her son “Baker” she started, as she backed the car out of the parking lot.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” He muttered. Jackie sighed and they drove on in silence.

When they were home, Kate looked at him before he got out of the car “can we go swing?” she asked, her mom was getting her out of her seat.

“Do you mind?” Jackie asked, looking at Ryan, he nodded.

“Good” she sighed smiling a little, “Let’s get you changed first” she said.

…

Ryan pushed Kate on the swing watching her laugh, as he did he looked back at the tree hearing words a whisper, he swore Jackie had crept up behind him.

“Your father would kill you if he saw you in that” he heard, holding the chains that connected the actual swing to the bar up ahead.

…

Harold stepped out of his car, and shut it walking into the house. He was sitting at work going through papers when he just decided he was through with paperwork for the day, he had made his visits to wherever he needed to go, and he was done.

As he stepped inside house he saw Baker was sitting in his office playing video games “What game are you playing?” Harold asked loosening his tie, dropping it on the chair to his side.

“Prince of Persia” he replied dully.

“Where are you at?” Harold asked walking behind his son looking over his shoulder.

“I just got passed the fourth level” Baker replied pointing to it before he went on playing.

“Good job” Harold smiled roughing up Baker’s hair before he walked out and into the kitchen, Jackie was already working on dinner as he walked in, he could see her cutting the fat off of the chicken she was going to fry.


“I really could’ve used you here today” she said throwing the pieces of fat into the garbage.

Harold sighed, “Good to see you to too” he replied heading for the fridge to find something to snack on.

“Harold, I didn’t mean that.” Jackie said looking over at him. Harold lessened the lid around the bottle of water, shutting the fridge as he walked back towards her.

“What did you mean?” he asked putting it down on the sink.

“Baker was driving me nuts, he won’t even talk to me.” She picked up the bottle handing it back to her husband “I was hoping you were joking about going to work.”

“Why would I joke about going to work?”

“I don’t know” she said, she was chopping the chicken into little slivers, smaller than bites size. Harold put his hand over her’s

“What’s going on?” he asked she dropped the knife throwing the chicken into the pan watching them sizzle. “Jackie?”

Jackie felt him lean over puckering up for a small kiss She looked away walking over to the sink, leaving her husband puckering up to the air.

“Dirk called” she said, she couldn’t look at Harold now. He was standing taken aback watching her continue to make dinner. He took a drink of his water and walked to the phone dialing Dirk’s number waiting for him to pick up.

“Dirk?” Harold asked into the phone.

“You bet” Dirk smiled “Hey, you have a flight hooked up for tomorrow to come down here.”

“Thanks Dirk. You boys don’t mind me coming down there?”

“Please” Dirk smiled into the phone “I actually told the Huntley’s you were coming as well so they’re planning a little bar-bee-Q.”

“Aww, can’t wait for some good Huntley meat” he smiled “Listen, I need the times that are best for your guys to be out there.”

“Right” Dirk answered “I’ll have those for you tonight, I’m just squaring things away.”

“Great, thanks Dirk” Harold replied.


“You are welcome, you take care.”

“You too, bye” Harold hung up the phone; he walked up to the master bedroom.

Jackie sighed watching him leave out of view, pursing her lips for a moment before she continued with dinner.

Ryan and Kate walked inside; Jackie whipped her eyes for a moment smiling at them as they walked inside.

“Can I have some chicken?” Kate asked she was playing with the cupboards that were within her reach, opening them and closing them.

“At dinner” Jackie said softly “Brian, do you know how to cook?” she asked.

He shook his head, smiling a little “no” he said, remembering what Taylor had said “I heard Harold couldn’t either.” He said, and then realized he was being rude again.

Jackie smiled a little “it’s not his motif. He is great at grilling” she said smiling looking over her son. Ryan smiled back politely. “Here” she said handing him a package of small mushrooms “Cut these up and throw them into that pan there, I’ll get the butter and you can sauté them.

“Ok” Ryan started to do as she asked, it was fun cooking. Pam rarely cooked, and when she did it was usually the pre-cooked meals or something easy. Taylor wasn’t joking about Jackie being a good cook. “What do you do all day?” he found himself asking “I mean if you don’t work.”

Jackie dropped some butter into the pan, it sizzled she handed him a fork to stir the mushrooms with.

“Church things, cleaning, cooking. Baby-sit Kate and her little friend, Annabelle when she comes. Read with the literary group I’m in. Go to school events, well I used to go to all of Bakers games and stuff. I went to yours when you were playing baseball –“ she stopped walking to the sink to dig out the pit from a green pepper.

“I played baseball?” he asked, “did I like it?”

“You loved it” she said lazily “you were really disappointed because they had to order an extra small pant size for you, and you they still were too big.” She chucked. “Your dad and I were really scared about you over exerting yourself, especially after we fond out about your heart condition.”

“What?” he asked, he thought he had asthma or something.

Jackie felt her heart sink “We need to get you into an appointment for that” she looked at him starting to worry “Will you go get your father.” She asked cutting up a cucumber.

Ryan nodded, feeling fears flood through his veins, he gulped and walked up the stairs, as he reached the master bedroom he knocked on the door.

“Come in” he heard Harold say, then continue his phone conversation. Ryan opened the door and watched as Harold paced around the room. “It’s not that hard Dick.” He said “of course – tell – no tell him I need it by tonight. I’ll send, yes him, I’ll send him over to pick it up. Ok, all right. Good, bye.” He pushed the off button on the phone sitting on the ottoman loosening the laces on his shoes.

“Jackie wants to talk to you downstairs.” Ryan said watching Harold kick his shoes off, and stand up again.

“Thanks” he said smiling “So what did you do today?” he asked taking off his socks.

Ryan shrugged “we went to church and then Kate wanted to swing, so I was doing that with her.” He said

“She really likes you” Harold smiled. Ryan shrugged smiling embarrassed.

“She’s really cute” he admitted.

“She is, it’s not because of me though. That’s all Jackie.” He smiled and stood up and walked towards the door.

“What did you do?” Ryan asked, his interest rising with the questions thumbing in his brain.

“I went to the office, talked with some people about a detainee, a bad guy, and did some talking with some officers on the national scale, and paperwork.”

“Huh?” Ryan asked, mystified.

“Exciting huh.” Harold demurred draping his hand over Ryan’s shoulder walking with him back out the door. They walked down the stairs when Harold looked at Ryan square in the eye “Would you be interested in coming with me to Kentucky this next week?” he asked.

Ryan was a little caught off guard, he was barely touching the surface of this hot water, and Harold was wanting in a sense to dunk him in, ripping him away from what he was trying to now force himself to get adjusted to. Smiling understandingly Harold nodded.

“Next time” he said smiling walking into the kitchen leaving Ryan at the bottom of the stairs.

Ryan followed him in the room sitting at the table watching as Harold walked to the counter leaning his arm on the sink while he asked his wife what she wanted.

“Don’t you think Brian needs a check-up. I can’t believe he’s gone without one this long.” She said suddenly, Harold turned his gaze to Ryan then back to his wife.

“I’m flying to Kentucky tomorrow, if you want to call the doctors at the University we can set something up. Keller has all of Brian’s records, well at least all the copies. The University has the originals.”

“Can’t we just have them send them up here?”

“I think it would be good for the St. Josephs to have a look at him, since he was there case” Harold replied picking out a red pepper chewing it, Jackie looked at him giving him the ‘no no, bad boy’ look before she went back to cooking. He smiled waiting for her response to his thoughts.
“Whatever you want to do.” she replied.

Harold was getting irritated again, she made these pitiful attempts to talk about things, and then just dropped it “We can test him up here too?” he tried, thinking ‘hello honey, who hoooo hello, me here, your husband I’m not the devils advocate’ “can you help me find the numbers to the University?” he asked chomping on the last of the pepper slice.

“They’re upstairs” she replied looking down at the food.

“I know, but I don’t know where you put them.” He lied; he wanted to get this cleared up,

She put down the spatula and turned down the heat on the food, whipping her hands on the towel following him up the stairs to their bedroom. Ryan watched slightly bewildered.

…

“They’re right here” she said picking them out from under their bed, it was in a large plastic container, she handed them to her husband. Harold took it from her hands looking at for a moment, before he looked at her.

“Thank you” he said smiling going to kiss her lightly on the cheek, she moved away leaning down to push the container under the bed again “Did I do something?” he asked.

“What do you mean?” she asked standing up.

‘What do you mean, what do I mean, last night, today. The first thing I hear –“

“I don’t know, I’m just, I don’t know.” She said rubbing her head.

“Well do you have a headache, are you sick,” he paused “are you going through, you know” he asked.

“No” she looked at him annoyed.

“Well for Gods sake will you tell me what’s going on? I can’t read your mind.” He said frustrated.

“I know” she sighed “I just” she sighed, “I don’t know, I just don’t want the kissing and hugging.” She said.

Harold exhaled heavily trying not let his frustrations surface more than they had “Jackie, I, this, I mean if you aren’t feeling well, I’ll understand, but if it’s something else, if there’s something else –“

“I don’t know what it is” she yelled back upset.

Harold bit his lip nodding “Ok” he said scratching his head, sighing, he walked into the closet pulling out his suitcase.

“What are you doing?” Jackie asked, her heart racing, as she watched him pack.

“Going to Kentucky.” Replied sorting out some of his things he would need.
“That’s why Dirk called, he got some of the detectives together, and some of the field officers who were doing the search party. I was going to see if you and Brian wanted to come, but He doesn’t seem comfortable with it right now, and we can’t just leave him here all alone. So –“

“Please don’t go.” She looked at him hurt, “I don’t know what’s wrong me, I’m, I don’t know, I just don’t feel” she breathed out confused with herself “I need help, with Brian and with Baker, and with Kate, you can’t just leave me like this.” She looked at him.

Harold sighed zipping up his bag, he walked over to her hugging her for a moment, except it was one of those light friend hugs. Harold pulled her in tighter but she pushed away and walked to the bed sitting down, crying.

He looked towards the door, biting his bottom lip bitterly then walked back picking up his bag to walk out the master bedroom.

“When will you be back?” she asked tears flowing down her cheeks.

“A few days” he replied walking down the stairs to the front room.

…

Ryan watched as Harold walked into the kitchen quickly to pick up the water he had left on the counter “I’ll see you Thursday” he said half heartedly, looking at Ryan “Do I get a hug?” he asked smiling a little.

Ryan stood up and hugged Harold for a moment, then let go watching him head for his office.


“Where are you going?” Baker asked confused “I’m on level six.” He said looking up, he was in a slightly better mood.

“Ken-tuck-eee” Harold replied slowly then sighed “I need you to help our your Mom, both of you.” He continued, “I’ll be back Thursday.” He said hugging Baker’s head quickly before he walked back out the door, grabbing his tie had left on the chair before. “Bye you two” he said,

Kate came running up “Daddy” she whined begging to be held.

“I’ve have to go Kate” he said bending down to give her a hug “I’ll be back, I’m just going on a little trip.” He said smiling kissing her cheek. After letting her go he walked out the door.

When Jackie finally came back down, Ryan could see something was wrong, but instead of moping over her pain she went on about her business making dinner. Ryan had a tough time seeing how something like this could’ve just started up suddenly, but was it really his place to pry.

‘She is your mom’ he thought to himself ‘but Pam – Harold said he didn’t want to hear about them anymore – they stole you away from them’ he battled with his mind “Do you want some more help?” he asked “With dinner I mean.”

She smiled weakly nodding “That would be wonderful, thank you” she said softly, Baker walked inside the kitchen leaning his hands over the counter.

“Mom, I wanted to go to Pizza Hut with Zach and some people, I’m going to go ok.” He said. Jackie didn’t say a word, she only continued to piece the dinner together.

Ryan looked at Baker who was very serious about what he was saying “She just made dinner” He said in her defense.

“So, Zach is only here for a day and he’s going with some people to Pizza Hut, Mom” he said again.

“Can I go to Pizza Hut?” Kate asked wandering into the room.

“No, sweetheart.” Jackie answered “Baker you can eat here” She said in response to her son.

“Why Not?” he challenged her. Jackie looked up at him, greatly wishing her husband was still there, and she felt to ill to deal with her son.

“I said no Baker!” she said, putting the fork down frustrated, she wandered back up to her room “Brian will you help with Kate please.” She asked as she walked up the stairs.

Ryan glared at Baker “What is with you?” he asked.

“Oh, I don’t know” Baker barked back “You came in and ruined everything.”

“I didn’t have a choice, I was brought here”

“I just wish you would’ve stayed out there.” Baker growled, Jackie came back down stairs.

“Will you two stop it.” She said.


“It was him” Baker pointed towards Ryan, Ryan rolled his eyes, this kid was eighteen and Ryan was acting more mature than him. “I’m going outside to play basketball,” he growled walking towards the door.

“Baker come back here.” Jackie ordered, he didn’t listen instead he opened the door walked outside and slammed it shut. Jackie rubbed her forehead, the pain returning to her abdomen again.

Then covered her eyes with her face sighing for a moment “Brian I’m so sorry, you probably think we’re horrible.” She muttered.

Ryan shook his head, he felt bad for Jackie, she was just trying to do whatever she could to make people happy and it was all being thrown back in her face.

…

The next morning wasn’t much better, Ryan woke up later in the morning and slid out of bed lazily, he had the sudden idea, he wondered if he could at least have his friends over, to bring some more normalcy to his life. After he had finished dressing himself, he walked out into the hallway looking over at Kate’s room; she was playing quietly with her dolls. Baker’s room was also shut, and so was the master. Ryan felt his stomach growl.

A knock came to the door; No one came from their bedroom, leaving Ryan the only one to answer it. He walked down the stairs and towards the door, opening it slowly “Hello?” he said opening it a little ways,

“Hi, is Harold here?” asked the man with blond hair, who looked a little like Kevin Costner with a heavier set stomach.

“No” Ryan answered.

“Oh, who are you?” The man asked.

Ryan thought for a moment, he was going to have to get used to this sooner or later “Brian” he answered, feeling a little weird calling himself that.

The man smiled and let himself “Brian” he said smiling “Well I’ll be – I remember seeing you when you were about this high” The man said positioning his hand fairly low to the ground “A little baby duck” he said smiling.

Ryan felt like he was hit with a baseball bat those words seemed so familiar, but he couldn’t tell where from.

“So when will your dad be back?”

Ryan shrugged “He said Thursday.”

“No, He can’t” The man looked around disappointed “Does your mom have his number in Kentucky?”

“I don’t know, I’ll go check” he said he shut the door behind the man “Who are you?” he asked,

“Terry” Terry smiled “Terry Lansing.”

The name wasn’t the least familiar; Ryan nodded and walked up the stairs saying he would go fetch her. As he walked to the master bedroom, he knocked on the door, not a word came from inside.

“Jackie” he said trying to get her to answer “Mom” he said at first uncomfortably “Mom” he called again a little louder, it felt weird to him.

The phone rang, Ryan went to start down the stairs but Terry was already making his way into the back kitchen “I’ll grab it” he said “Littrell’s” he announced speaking into the phone in the same friendly tone “Harold” the man smiled into the phone “You never come say hello anymore” he said merrily.

Ryan knocked on the door again; Kate came up behind her watching him knock at the door.

“She’s sleeping” Kate said looking at him patting on the door.

“Does she sleep in this late?” he asked. Baker walked out of his room, from the sight of him he had been up for a few hours, he was just hanging in his room. Kate shook her head at his question

Without a glance at Brian or Kate Baker made his way down the stairs. “Baker” Ryan called but Baker didn’t pay attention he was already in the kitchen.

Ryan knocked on the door again. Suddenly the though popped into his head, his dad would know what to do, but he couldn’t call Pete. Even if he wanted to Harold was on the phone. Why not tell Harold. He walked down the stairs picking up the phone in Harold’s office.

“Harold” he talked into the phone.

“…I’ve seen better” Harold finished what he was saying “Brian, hey” he said.

Terry walked from the back room into the front foyer “I’ll take a look into that, although I can’t guarantee anything will happen.”

“Hey I’m here for collaboration. I just need you to get that paper through to the Special Committee’s Commission.” Harold replied.

“Will do” Terry replied, “I think Brian wants a word -I’ll talk with you when you get back.”

“I’ll have to call you later on Terry” Harold said into the phone “Thanks again.”

“No Problem” Terry said “Bye” he hung up the phone and waved a brief goodbye to Ryan before he walked out the door.

“Hey, how was last night?” Harold asked not waiting for his son to speak.

“Dinner was good” Ryan sighed “Jackie’s still in your guys’ room, does she stay in bed this late?” he asked.


Harold replied with a short ‘umm’ then added “Not unless she’s sick – you want to go and give the phone to her.”

Ryan nodded “Ok, I have to grab the cordless phone though.” He said remembering he was on Harold’s office phone. He put the phone down and wandered into the kitchen finding the cordless phone propped in it’s cradle. He turned it on hearing the echo as he walked back into Harold’s office to hang up the office phone. “I’ll get here” he said and walked up the stairs.

“Alright” Harold replied sniffing for a moment. Ryan could hear noise in the background someone laughing talking about something he couldn’t understand. He knocked but didn’t hear any sound, “You can go ahead and walk in, she might be sleeping” Harold said figuring Brian had to of made to the door by now.

Ryan nodded and opened the door slightly looking inside. The blinds were pulled down, and the fan was on, everything in the room spelled gloom. He saw his parent’s bed; the blankets were all gathered towards the center, the pillows as well.

To the left side of the wad of blankets Jackie lay, her eyes were closed, but she moved around a little giving the inclination she wasn’t asleep.

Ryan stood there for a moment and bit his lip forcing the words out, he wasn’t about to accept these people yet as his parents, but he was thinking even now, it would be insulting to not call them his mom and dad “Mom” he forced out, wondering why the taste was so weird in his mouth as he spoke, he said it again though “Mom.”

Jackie still didn’t respond, Ryan decided another approach.

“Mom, Dad wants to talk to you.” He said taking the phone over to her, as he took a look at her face, he could see how pale she was. Even with the dark light her face was pallor and sickly, her eyes opened slowly she smiled at him trying to mask how ill she felt.

“What?” she murmured faking a smile.

Ryan handed her the phone “I can take care of Kate” he said trying to think of
something he could do, he really hoped she hadn’t hit rock bottom because of what he had said.

Jackie placed the phone over her ear “Hello?” she whispered. Ryan left the room, so they could speak in private, he walked down the stairs to see what Kate was doing, she had found some paper and the crayons she had climbed up to the table and was now coloring.

“Color and egg” she said looking up at Ryan as he walked in.

“You are?” he asked walking up she had done a circle.

“You draw one” she said smiling.

“I can’t draw” he said looking at her.

“Draw one Brian.” She said again. Putting the crayon in front of him. He snorted a little embarrassed but sat down by her and attempted an oval shaped egg.

“See” he said looking at his crude drawing.

“blue” she said pointing to the center.

“You want me to fill it in?” he asked.

She nodded smiling “Yeah!”

So he at least had something to occupy him now, Kate kept him busy drawing different eggs, all shapes and sizes.

…


“Jackie” Harold asked “are you feeling sick?”

“Ummmhmm” she murmured softly across the line

“I’ll send Brigitte over there” he replied, “Can you sit up?”

“No, I am cramping.”

“Was it like that Saturday night?” he asked wishing she would’ve just told him, but he knew she was a female. They liked for men to guess, never just saying something it’s the keeping the men hanging game.

“A little, I just thought it was you know, just cramping, but I don’t know how that would’ve happened, since my period was at least twenty days ago.”

“So it’s not, well it can’t be –“

“Menopause” she said smiling, still after how long they had been married he was still gun-shy around that word, well considering he was guy it made sense the whole Prostrate cancer was never really discussed either, outside of their room, if even in there. A wrenching pain pulled through her lower abdomen again “It hurts” she said whispering.


“Maybe it’s just bad cramps and –“

“I don’t think so” she replied.


“Well can you hold out till Thursday?” he asked, thinking since he had made the trip to Kentucky he was going to actually spend some time with the guys, which was something he had been looking forward to, but if his wife was at home sick, he wasn’t going to be playing around when he should be back with her.

“I don’t know” she mumbled, “I’m sorry” she whispered, “I just, I don’t know what happened, I was so mean –“

“Hey, it’s alright, just whenever I’m an ass you’ll have to forgive me” he said, he heard her smile across the phone a little then start to breath. “I’ll send Brigitte over, ok?”

“Ok” she murmured “Harold,” she asked.


“Yes dear?” he asked back smiling, feeling a little better that at least it was that she was sick, and she hadn’t just suddenly decided that what she was now living with was not what she wanted.

“Stay on the line”

“Ok….”
…

Around two another knock came at the door, and Ryan looked at the sheets of paper spread out across the table he was the designated drawer, by Kate of course, and she became the colorer. He had successfully drawn a house, about a couple dozen eggs, some flowers, some grass, a car, some mountains, a dog, a cat, and even a wale – it looked horrible in his opinion – but Kate loved it.

“I’ll get it” Kate said dropping her crayon and sliding off the chair she ran to the door but couldn’t reach it. Ryan smiled chuckling a little to himself, he walked over to open it.

“Oh” the women smiled, she had a pair of keys in her hands “I was just going to let myself in” she smiled again.

Ryan blinked.

“I’m Brigitte, my husband just came over a little earlier today. Your dad called and I came to see your mom.” She said smiling.

“Oh” Ryan replied.
_________________

Brigitte made her way up stairs carrying a cup and some different things she had brought with her without another word.

“Where did Baker go?” Kate asked looking around the house, Ryan looked around quickly as well taken aback.

Ryan wandered around the house searching for his brother, he walked into the kitchen and saw someone outside, it was Baker, with Taylor. Ryan walked to the door and opened it.

“Ryan!” she smiled running to him hugging him tightly, Ryan felt hugged her back lightly.

“What are you doing here?” he asked.

“I came to see you, and Baker” she said smiling “Ryan what’s wrong.”

“Why did you come here?” he asked he was upset “You aren’t supposed to be here.”

“Ryan?”

Ryan felt he was getting angry with her and he didn’t know why, he should be happy for her to be there, he missed his parents and his home, but Jackie’s face flashed in front of him again, did he really need to put his family through more grief, this family, the one he was with now.

“Taylor you’re not helping.”

“Not helping what?” she asked confused. Baker looked over glaring at him.

“He’s just weird” Baker growled.

“Hey!” Ryan huffed “You’re the one that’s acting like a child, what’s wrong with you? I’ve barely been here three days and you’ve been nothing but a brat to your parents. I’m thirteen and I’m acting more mature than you.”

“Yeah, real mature” Baker huffed back.

“Ryan, Mom and Dad are fighting for you, they want you back.”

“Why?” Ryan asked, “Harold’s right, they stole me, and this is how it’s going to be” he said frustrated.

“They didn’t steal you, you were left out there to die –“

“What do you know!?” Ryan barked back “You weren’t there. I don’t even know, but what I do know is my real mother is upstairs with some illness.” He stopped breathing hard, his heart was pounding hard now, he could hear giggling in the back of his head.

“Do it again Daddy?” the voice giggled.
“Again? Again?” the man smiled “ok” his voice was playful

Ryan felt his heart pump hard against his chest “You’re not making this easier” he yelled walking back into the house, he ran up the stairs to his room, burring his face in his pillow.

“Ryan!” Taylor yelled after him “Why are you so hard on him?” she asked looking at Baker. He’s your brother!”

“Take him.” Baker replied, “He wants to be with your parent’s anyway. You can tell he does.”

“He’s thirteen Baker! Give him a break.” Taylor looked at him.


…

She could feel the soft touch of a hand cupping around her face, breaking through the droning throughout her body. Her eyes slowly opened letting in the dim light from the lamp, it stung for the first little while till her eyes gradually adjusted.

“You’re here” she whispered her voice dry; her husband stroked her face again, leaning down to kiss her cheek.

“Shhh” he said, she felt him slid his hand under her arm, and the other’s under her legs to pick her up. She leaned her head into his chest but her eyes fell back to the bed, where a puddle of vaginal blood lay on the sheets.

“It hurts,” she whimpered watching as Brigitte brought a blanket to wrap her in, so her husband could taker her downstairs.

“I know” he spoke softly back walking down the hall; Brian was downstairs with Kate keeping her occupied like Harold had asked him to. “Brian” he called from up the stairs. “Could you open the door please.”

“Sure” Ryan replied he looked up at Jackie she tried to smile, “Can we come with you?” he asked, he felt so bad for Jackie, she didn’t deserve this.

Harold nodded he was paying attention to where he was going, making sure he was going to fit his wife through the door without bumping her already agitated body around to much.

The Back of Harold’s car was full of blankets and pillows, Harold laid Jackie down inside, she whimpered something but Ryan couldn’t hear. Harold only responded quietly.

“Brian can you hop in the front passenger seat, I’m going to go change for a moment.” He said running into the house, he had blood all over his shirt and pants. Ryan nodded feeling a bit queasy.

He sat in the passenger seat and looked back at Jackie as she lay amongst the bedding, she tried to smile looking at him “I’m sorry” she whispered.

“For what?” Ryan asked, he felt so bad for her.

“I should be making you more comfortable with being here, now your just sucked into all this” she murmured.

Ryan watched as Harold walked back and opened the door “Kate’s with Brigitte.” Harold paused “Where is Baker?” he asked.

Ryan didn’t have the heart to tell him, he went off with Taylor someplace, but he would have to somehow “He’s gone” he said looking at the dashboard “someplace with Taylor.”

Harold looked at him for a moment, then back at the road “Harold” Jackie murmured from the backseat, her voice was filled with pain. He pulled the car into drive shutting his door.

Ryan was surprised how quickly they made it to the hospital, but as soon as they entered the parking lot he began to have his worries. What if Pete and Harold were to run into each other?

Harold stepped out of the car; a few doctors came out picking Jackie from out of the car and onto the gurney, wheeling her in. “You go in with her, I’ll be in in a moment.” He said. Ryan nodded getting out of the car he followed them in with the gurney.

The doctor rushed her into the ER, where a doctor on call took a look at her; another doctor led Ryan to a waiting room to sit. A few moments Later Harold walked inside the door, Ryan walked over to him, it could be seen in both men’s eyes, they were scared.

“Mr. Littrell” a man walked up to Harold “Can I have you follow me.” A doctor came walking in.

“I’ll be right back, you going to be alright?” Harold asked.

“Can I come?” Ryan asked, he really wasn’t itching to be left alone.

The doctor nodded, Ryan followed Harold and the doctor back to where they had transferred Jackie “We sent her back to an OBGYN.”

Harold nodded, that would be the place to send a woman who was apparently having female problems, and he assumed that much. They walked up into the room, Brian followed looking at the pictures on the wall, and it was sort of odd. He had never, obviously taken time to walk into a women’s doctors area. There were pictures of Women holding infants, both were naked, Ryan looked away feeling uncomfortable, he looked to where they were going instead.

“Brian you want to stay out here?” Harold asked, Ryan nodded seeing that it would probably best. He walked to the magazine rack pulling a magazine from the rack to look at.

…

Harold walked into the room, watching the attendant shut the door, while the doctor went to his chair to sit down “When was your last period?” the doctor asked Jackie who was lying on the bed. Harold walked over to his wife sitting down on a swivel chair beside her to listen.

“A few weeks ago” she said trying to think.

“And what sort of symptoms?” he asked.

“Headaches, pain in my abdomen, my breast were hurting before “ Harold looked down at his free hand, that would explain why she shoved her nail into his palm was he was fooling around on Saturday.

“Are you both trying to get pregnant?” The doctor asked plainly, Harold looked up from his hand he was pitying, while he listened, up at the doctor.

Jackie looked over at him, they were both taken aback “No” Harold replied.

“Well whether or not you were, it looks like you are, and it looks like you have some very premature signs of a miscarriage.”

“Pardon me?” Harold replied.

“Well just from a short examination, I’m guessing you both are sexually active, and from what I can see from this” he paused scooting over to the light to turn it off, his attendant walked back in with the x-rays handing them to him. He walked over turning on the backlights putting up the x-rays “I’m just suggesting we close this off, if you want to save this baby, if you don’t we can wiat and see if it resolves itself or it could turn worse."

“Honey” Jackie looked at her husband "If we can" she swallowed a little "we should keep the baby." Harold nodded, if God put this in their lap, they'd deal with it as it came.

“How long do we need to wait for a surgery?” he asked looking at her, her eyes were filling with tears.

“Well if we can hold it off I can see about this Friday, to be on the safe side, I’de like to do it as fast as possible. Either way I’m obviously going to recommend you not have sex till the surgery or even after that for a while.”

Ryan looked up from the car magazine he had found seeing Harold come out, his face was a mixture of worry and pleasure “What?” he asked as Harold sat down.

Harold pursed his lips, they were supposed to be done with having, kids, they were ready to boot Kate out, not really, he was just ready to get out of the mentoring parenting phase. He wanted to travel more, he loved parenthood, he just was surprised it the pendulum was swinging back again, crazy ovulation period.

“Well, she’s out of the clear yet” Ryan heard as his dad looked at him “but she’s definitely doing much better than she was. She’ll be on some pain medication for a little bit.”

“What was wrong?” Ryan asked, he watched the women shrivel before his very eyes he assumed he had the right to know what made her cave so quickly.

“She’s pregnant” Harold answered, “unfortunately she was going through premature pains of an early miscarriage.”

“What are they going to do?” Ryan asked.

“They’ll do a surgery to patch things up” Harold was looking to go into details, the truth – he wasn’t quit sure what was going to happen as far as patching up. Because the development, at least if the fetus was as far along as the doctor had said, would be so small, even it was attached to outside the uterus, he would spare Brian the details though.

“Good you are here” Pete walked up to them suddenly, Harold looked up, a little shaken by the unwelcome surprise. Ryan sat looking up; he didn’t know quite what to think. They were all caught in an awkward moment.

“Pete” Harold said smiling shortly and politely.

“I heard about Jackie, is she alright?” he asked, his blue scrubs were on, and he had his gloves in his pockets.

“Yeah” Harold replied sighing a little “She’s just getting fixed up.”

Pete nodded feeling like he had a bunch of chirping grasshoppers over his shoulder “Hey listen, can I speak with you a moment outside.” He asked looking down “Hey Ryan” he said smiling.

Harold scratched the scruff forming above his lips, he looked over at his son – he could tell he was uncomfortable by the way he moved in his chair. “Is it entirely necessary that we speak now?’ Harold asked, he was feeling disheveled himself, and the last thing he wanted to do was discuss something with Pete.

“Humor me” Pete replied smiling still. Harold nodded and stood up walking out of the room, following Pete into the hallway.

Harold crossed his arms leaning back on the side of the hall. He felt his biceps rubbing them with his hand, trying to decide how much of a bastard Pete was really trying to be.

“We’re calling off the Lawsuit” Pete said looking down at his gloves.

Harold nodded looking down at his sleeves rolling one up to his elbow, then back up waiting to see if Pete had anything else.

“This is hard for my family to, you know” Pete struggled, “I mean. I know what we did was wrong, and you have been more than gracious taking everything into consideration. If I felt any less secure about letting him leave, I would be pushing this the whole way, no matter the cost or the penalties – I guess what I’m saying is I’m going out with my tale between my legs. I don’t want to, because as God is my whines I love that boy, but I know this is only hurting him more, all this confusion and pulling and tugging.”

“Pete, I’m a father, I know that you want something –“

“I don’t. Ok,” he admitted, “I do, occasional visiting rights”

“You know we can’t do that, it’d be like a divorce for him.” Harold sighed looking at him “I’m sorry Pete, it’s not going to happen.”

“I, I just, I can take it, I know after a few months, I’ll know it was the right thing to do. I just – I don’t know about Pam.” He said finally.

“Well tell your wife to put herself in Jackie’s shoes.” Harold replied, Pete was making him sound like a coach or something. “Pete, the rift has been made, there’s nothing that can be done. Five, six years down the road, maybe something, right now, with all this other tension building up. It’s just better.” He sighed “If you really care about Brian, and I’m absolutely sure you do - or else you wouldn’t have tried to pummel me – You will just walk away from this, go in and give him a hug tell him you love him, but he’s back with his family and then leave.”

Pete nodded “yeah” he sighed, “I thought that’s what you were going to say.”

“Well I’m sorry Pete, but I am his father first and foremost, I won’t forfeit that right.”

“Ok, understood.” Pete sighed; Harold could tell this had been weighing on him.

…

Twelve Years Later:

Brain sat in the drivers seat tunneling down the Kentucky road. It was a raining day. He looked down at his hands, they were gripping the sterring wheel for dear life and he didn’t know why. He looked back in through his rearview mirror watching the person follow him again.

“What the hell does he want” He peered ahead again “Get off my tale” he growled pushing the car ahead more. It had been a long road he traveled on the last twelve years. Re-getting to know his real parents, trying to make a relationship with them, and his new life. He was transferred into a school closer to his real families. Soon after he found out from a friend that the Bensons had moved. Now twelve years later he had sat at their funeral.

Pamela and Peter Benson had both died in a plane crash, His Dad read it to him over the phone. The only words Brian remembered other than the announcement was.

“I’m sorry son, I wish there was something we could’ve done.”

Brian slammed his breaks; he was irritated with the stupid driver behind him. He had been in such a fowl mood from the moment he received the call. He cancelled his trip to Virginia to see his parents; he was with the Backstreet Boys now, a group his cousin had called to tell him about a long while back. They were finally taking a break.

He felt his heart punch against his rib cage again, “Move it Looser!” Brian growled watching the car it had stopped with him. The Car’s lights behind him flashed and Brian cut his eyes towards the rear view mirror.

The phone is his pocket rang, he leaned down to look at it to pick it up, it was a foreign number, as he looked back up again he heard the tires spinning on the car behind him. It rammed the back of his SUV.

“What the –“ he felt the car move forward with the force of the other car. He pushed his foot to the gas and started moving again forward, a few miles faster than the sign had requested. He picked up the phone gripping his hands again the steering wheel “Who is this?” he asked frustrated.

“Hey Baby – it’s me. I’m trying out my new cell phone.” His girlfriend answered.

He nodded to himself looking ahead, an intersection was up above and the light was still green he reversed his gaze to the rear view mirror again, the rain was pouring in sheets off the back of his car.

“Brian?” his girlfriend asked again. A Flash of lightning struck the ground, and Brian pushed his foot down, he could see the string of electricity gorge the ground before him, he spun the car hard to the left. The vehicle went spinning.

He gulped, feeling his adrenaline rocket, “Oh God” he managed seeing the pole. He had flung full circle; another car was coming straight at him “Oh God!”

The women appeared in front of him again, her sweet face calling to him, as he was wedged between the seat and the wheel “Come home love” she called Brain could feel her draper her fingers around his thigh, she was a much more sensual character this time. He peered deep into her eyes “Come home” her voice echoed “Brian” she murmured, the light around her growing strong wth each breath he exhaled, he felt her lips touch his breathing into him. Giving him life.

“Come on!” a woman with long blond flowing hair touched her lips to his mouth again, trying to resuscitate him, he coughed, his tongue swept the side of her mouth. “Stay with me” she said trying to break away from what now became a sort of kiss. Her hands graced the lines of his lips.

“What happened?” he breathed out, it was short like he had just finished a jog.

“Breathe it all out,” she said hushing him.

…


Jolie walked into the waiting room, she had waited with Brian till an on duty EMT arrived, and she was so amazed she was able to get him out. Of course she had help from people who had stopped, but she was the one who got him breathing again. Now she sat down, she felt compelled to wait and she didn’t know why.

“Jole” her ex walked up to her, he could tell she was a little shaken “hey” he said sitting down by her “you want to talk about it?” he asked.

“I just witnessed the craziest thing ever” she whispered “By all accounts he shouldn’t be alive. It’s like God was protecting him.”

“Come on you and I both have seen so many people cheat death. It’s not uncommon, it’s fate.”

“Fate is a crock” she whispered “God had a hand in this.”

“Ah Jolie, such faith. Tell me, if you have so much faith why do all the patients I see you bring in end up dying on the operating table, or spewing out their guts –“

“Because you don’t believe in them.” She said looking back at him “This is why we can’t get married Ian” she said looking at him coldly “I can’t let my children go through life without something to have faith in.

A police officer let himself in showing his badge, Jolie recognized him from his other sightings around the area “I’m officer Reagan, I was wondering if either of you could direct me to where Brian Littrell is”

Standing up Jolie nodded showing him down the hall, Ian followed behind, as the reached the door Ian dryly explained his injuries “How are you related to him?” he asked again. “Because if you aren’t I could be sued on grounds of breaching patient doctor confidentiality.”

“I’m his adopted uncle, in a way” Dirk smiled reassuringly “His parents are in Virginia – they’ll want to know what happened.”

Ian looked at the officer strangely but said nothing, the man sighed.

“Also I need to tell you that if anyone. Need I repeat this again. Anyone asks what’s happened or requests his name don’t say anything. I mean not a word leaves your lips, or anyone else’s inside this hospital for that matter.”

“Might I ask why?” Ian asked.

“Well, it’s just that he’s on the tip of the biggest musical break in his life. He’s with a group, and they’re making it big. The less news about this the less trouble you have in your ICU.”

…


The phone rang loudly in Kate’s ear, served her right for talking to her boyfriend all night. She wouldn’t have been surprised if her dad was listening into her conversation. Nonetheless now the dumb thing was ringing off the hook. She woke up but didn’t hear the next ring.

“Hello” Harold picked up the phone, he had just barely fallen asleep “Hello?” he repeated.

“Harold -” Dirk replied in a solemn voice.

…


Sydney marched down the hall, her hands shaking it had taken a lot of begging to pine a ticket from someone to go and see her boyfriend, now she was trying to figure out where her boyfriend was “Excuse me, do you know where Brian Littrell’s room is?” she asked.

“Sorry he’s not staying here ma’am” the women replied.

“That’s ridiculous” Sydney scoffed back “I know he’s here. His parent’s are on their way here, I just spoke to them.”

“I’m sorry ma’am unless you’re family I can’t let you back there.” The women replied. Sydney ran her hand along the counter in a moment of despair looking down, and then she remembered her phone.

She picked it out from her purse and dialed the Littrell’s number “Jackie!” she said as she heard Brian’s mother answer the phone “It’s me, Sydney. They won’t let me in.”

“What sweetie I can’t hear you” Jackie replied watching as her husband drove like a maniac through the Kentucky traffic ‘Harold please be careful” she begged watching the rain poor down over the windshield.

“Jackie, I need you to tell the attendant that I can go in.” Sydney repeated hoping the shorter her message the more Jackie would hear.

“Sweetheart the storm out here is just to much. I can’t here a word you’re saying; we’ll be there in a half an hour. God willing.”

“Wait, Jackie” Sydney tried, but the connection was lost “grr” she shoved her phone back in her purse “You have to let me in.”

“I’m sorry ma’am. I’m on strict orders” the women replied.

Sydney walked to the door looking outside at the pouring rain, waiting for the Littrell’s to arrive.

…


Harold pulled the car up and let his wife and daughter’s out while he parked the car. Jackie came running in, rushing up to the front desk “I’m looking for my son. Brian Littrell” she said wiping a strand of wet hair away form her face.

“Up the stairs and to the right, he’s in room 215” the women replied.

“Thank you, my husband will be in shortly, he’s parking the car.” She said rushing her children along. “Grace, Kate” she called to her daughter’s both followed her.

Harold walked in a short time later, he walked to the front desk ‘I’m here to see my son, Brian –“

“Up the stairs and to the right, it’s room 215” the women repeated mechanically. Harold nodded and wandered up the stairs.

…


Jolie sat in the room, not quiet sure what was keeping her in her place, as she sat and waited she heard the door open.

A women, with a small frame, walked in, her two daughter’s behind her. Jolie stood up walking to them “I’m sorry’ she said introducing herself “I’m Jolie Clarke, I’m an EMT, I just happened to be there when your son crashed.” She explained.

The women blinked, a little confused, but smiled apparently pleased though “Thank you.” She smiled kindly.

Jolie felt the awkwardness of her being there creep upon her; she smiled shortly and let herself out of the room, leaving Brian’s Mom and his sisters to sit with their family. As she walked down the hall she immediately recognized Brian’s father, she could see they looked almost identical, except for some slight features she could see his mother could claim.

When his eyes the first person he saw was his mother, a relieved smile had swept across her face, as she peered over at him.

“Where am I?” he asked feeling his stomach churn uncomfortably. “What happened?”

“You are in the hospital because you were in an accident” his mom replied.

“Why are you here?” he asked, he didn’t know why he was being so snippy with his parents, but he was.

Clearly hurt his mother moved back to the cover of her husbands arm letting Brian’s girlfriend step forward.

“Someone hit you, you were in a car accident baby.” Sydney explained as she looked at him. Grace and Kate stood back by their parents looking at their brother confused at how bitter he was.

“I’m fine, I want to get out, I want to get out of here.” He mumbled trying to sit up.

“No Baby” Sydney tried to lightly push him back. It did nothing, however, when Brian sat up, he felt a sweep of nausea pass through him, he laid back down.

It was like life was so incredibly unfair as he sat in the hospital room for the next four days. Doctors were on constant alert; it was all about something to do with his heart. He had taken tests when his parents flew him down to Kentucky years and years ago after he had returned home. He was supposed to be better however. His heart was supposed to be normal. It wasn’t though now; at least that’s what every doctor at the University was saying.

Brian wanted a second opinion. He didn’t want to go under the knife. Even with Pete being a doctor, Brian wasn’t the willing candidate for surgery, and as he sat in his room he was being pressured even more and more to get back on the road with the boys.

When he was finally released from the hospital Brian flew back to Florida with his girlfriend, he had his own house in Winter Park. He spent his remaining days trying to think what he was going to do.

He had not the will to want to postpone his tour for a surgery; the boys were at the top of their game. They had just released their second album.

Now he sat on his oversized couch with the remote in his hand, he was flipping through the channels lazily. He had not strength to go anywhere, so ESPN and South Park had become his way of just hanging.

He turned the television off seeing there was nothing to watch, waiting for something to happen. He didn’t know why but ever since he got out of the hospital he had offended everyone. He had lashed out at his parents, ridiculed his sisters. His older brother didn’t even bother to come and visit him, not that they spent that much time together. He was even short with his girlfriend.

“Hey Baby” she walked into view, coming up to him kissing his mouth.

“Hi” he said lazily looking at his coffee table where he had a few aluminum cans of pop laying around and a popcorn bowl halfway full.

“I’ve got something for you” she smiled pulling his chin back towards her.

“What?” he asked, not really interested, he had lost interest in everything lately.

“Close your eyes” she smiled; he looked over to the side, annoyed but gave in sighing and closing his eyes. She moved her mouth in close kissing him sensually. Moving her hands along his chest. She sat in his lap kissing him debauchedly.

“I’m to tired” he said moving his back from the back of the couch to the side so he could lay down, feeling her move over him. Using her teeth to take nibbles at his ear.

“You love this” she smiled her fingernails running along his cheek.

“I do” he replied as she propped herself over him.

“Come on, let’s leave this world” she smiled.

“We can’t,” he growled sitting up, moving her off of him. He stood up and walked towards the counter in his kitchen. Sydney leaned over the couch watching him rest his hands against the sink.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing” he replied, of course something was. He was just in an accident, lightning flashed again, he was having nightmares still. His band mates wanted to go back on tour, his manager was making no room for a surgery. He didn’t want the surgery, but he would be only accepting an excruciating death. He had pushed his parents away, literally, so he couldn’t talk to them.

“Baby” Sydney stood up and walked over to the counter, sitting on it beside him.

“Everyone wants something from me.” He said frustrated looking up at her “we’re supposed to be on the second leg of this tour. I just got out of the hospital. My parents want me to do this surgery. The managers don’t give a shit about it. Everyone thinks I was drunk when that car ran into me.”

“No they don’t” she said picking up his hand “Your parents love you, and the boys will understand – Brian you need to do this surgery.”

“I don’t want to” he said looking sideways at her.

“Maybe you should spend the rest of this break up in Virginia, with your parents. I mean you know it might help you sort of relax.” She said softly.

“I don’t want to go up there.” He said shortly “That’s why I came down here. That’s why I didn’t go up there and why I was down in Kentucky.”

“Because Baker was home.” She said feeling his chin with her thumb.

He nodded “It’s great to know your own flesh and blood hates you enough to not care if you’re dead or not. Mom and Dad know that’s why I’m not going up there.”

“Of course they do, but why are you –“

“They can always come down here, they just choose not too. I told them they could.”

“How, Baby? When you’re always gone, how are they supposed to see you when you’re on tour –“

“I don’t know. Pete and Pam would’ve come.” He said looking down at the sink.

Sydney looked at her sundress, seeing he was playing with the folds, slowly slipping his hands under their soft cotton fabric.

She decided to leave his statement as was, though she know the Littrell’s and Bensons were too completely different people. The Littrell’s didn’t fly all over the world for trips. They stayed home, enjoying each other’s company, Brian had a lot of that in him, but since he and Baker had their fall out he didn’t want to go anywhere near Baker was, which usually was someplace near his parents.

Softly she felt as his hands pushed her hair away from her face “I’m sorry. I’ve been a real pain since I woke up. I just –“

“You’re sick” Sydney whispered looking up at him a tear streaming down her face. He whipped It away from his hand looking into her eyes.

“Can you take me away?” he asked, his question was pure innocence. He was through fighting reality.

She touched his lip with her finger touching the moister around his lips; she leaned in kissing his mouth feeling him kissing her back, moving his waist in between her legs.

Her fingers lined his hard body, even with the folds the navy blue cotton shirt he wore, she could feel every inch of his specimen. She let her hands slide down under his shirt, towards the lining of his pants; she undid his belt pulling it from the loops. She moved onto his lap wrapping her hands around the back of his neck, feeling his hands. She felt his hands as they moved up her thigh slipping up under her summer dress, tickling the back part of her thigh near her butt.

She giggled which gave him another rouse; he moved his hands to the back of his shirt pulling it off from the collar, throwing it down beside him.

“Come on baby” she coaxed him, smiling, her lashes batting at him. He picked her up walking up the stairs to his room, laying her down on the bed as they reached it.

He climbed on top of her she felt his hands tugging at her shirt, she pulled it off quickly, and undid her bra.


…

Jolie sat in the hospital; she had seen the Littrell’s leave in a shamble. It was something about prior obligations that Brian’s dad had to go to, and how the rest were not going to go with Brian back to his house in FL.

“Hey Hottie” Ian walked up to her, pinching her butt.

“Stop it” she said pushing his hand away “We’re not goether anymore remember, and even if we were –“

“You still upset that kid didn’t ask you for your number?” he bantered.

“No” she said, and then sighed quickly “Yes.”

“He had a girlfriend, duh.”

“They didn’t look very happy.”

“Jolie, come on. He was a jerk.”

“He was on this medication and stuff. That’s what was making him so mean, you know it does it to everyone.” She replied in his defense.

“Whatever” Ian replied, “I still think he’s a jerk.”

Giggles came louder, and he felt small whiskers brush up against his face, the man was playing with him, “How does that feel?” the man asked watching with a smile.

“It tickles” the child confessed happily pushing the man’s cheeks together prickly hair poking into his small palms and fingers.

“It tickles huh?” the man smiled and laughed, blowing on his stomach, he giggled again.

“You need a shave” a female voice was heard but was out of view for him to see. The man stood up and walked in the direction of the voice.

“I will” he said softly. “Brian.”

Brian sat up in his bed feeling Sydney’s naked body beside him the house was dark.

“Brian?” he heard a sleepy whisper come from Sydney, he felt sick like he wanted to throw up. He sat back amongst the covers, feeling her move, her hand on his chest, her head tucked into his neck “what’s wrong?”

“Just a dream.” He murmured. He knew who the man was now, it was his dad, and the women’s voice was his mom. What he couldn’t gather is why the dreams were still prodding his mind. He and his parents had come to the agreement that he would never fully regain any knowledge of what had happened before Peter and Pamela found him.

Still after dreaming again about the shoe and the pond, he had traveled down to Kentucky; somehow thinking it would help him remember. So much for that idea – it did nothing. He didn’t remember the place, he couldn’t tell his parents he was still thinking about it either.

“What was it about?” Sydney asked pulling his thoughts from his past actions.

“Nothing” Brian replied, he rubbed his head “I think maybe we should spend some time apart.” He whispered, shocked by his own words as they left his lips.

“What?” she asked.

“I need some time alone. I just want to be alone.” He replied looking up at the ceiling.

“Brian what is wrong with you?” “You don’t want me to see you then you want to have sex, and then you just want to drop this like nothing happened? What is wrong? Something’s wrong and your not telling me. What are you hiding from me?”

“I don’t know. I want to be alone.” He said

“Fine” she said angrily pulling away from him getting out of the bed “You’re a real screwed up person Brian” she threw her promise ring at him walking out of the door still struggling to put her sundress back on.

Brian sighed licking his lips then biting them, lying alone in his bed.


…

Alex got out of the car and walked up to Brian’s house knocking on the door. He had called Jackie to ask how Brian was doing, he had just barely heard about the incident.

“Hey Mom Littrell” he said enthusiastically.

“Alex” Jackie answered watching her daughter travel into the dance studio she was attending. “How is everything in Florida?” she asked hearing a space between their conversation.

“Good” he replied “How is Brian feeling and doing?” he asked.

“Well I assume” Jackie replied her other line was ringing “Alex this is my husband I need to take it can I call you back? We’re supposed to be flying to Washington State today.” She explained.

“Sure. So, really fast, where is he?” Alex asked feeling like he was getting his last two breaths into this conversation.

“He’s home sweetheart” Jackie replied urgently “In Georgia, Harold dropped him off earlier this week.” She paused hearing the phone click though “I’m sorry Alex I need to get this.”

Alex hung up the phone and made a flight arrangement to Alberta Georgia to meet his absent band ma te. Now as he stoud at the door he saw Sydney walking out.

“Hey Cid” he said enthusiastically, in his mind there was no way that he could miss the opportunity to harass Sydney – how could you not be expected to call her cid if it’s a derivative of Sydney to say – she was asking for it. Somehow though it was an attack on her femininity, or perhaps it opened up a scar from when she was a child. Whichever the reason AJ was not about to let the opportunity slip by this time, even if she looked like she was about to blow up.

“You are such a pig” she growled as she passed by. AJ turned to watch her make her way to her diagonally parked car, just as she passed over the sidewalk over one of the cracks, the heel of her shoe broke “Ahhhhhh” she yelled cursing her shoe, he pulled them off her foot and continued to vehement as she got into her car and shut the door.

Laughing a little at her mishap he turned again to make his way inside the house calling up to the recently hospital released friend of his/

“B-Rok!” he called up the stairs wondering where the heck he was hiding.

…

He heard AJ calling from the foyer down the stairs and knew unless he wanted to be seen naked he would have to act fast.

“I’m here. Hold on.” He said getting out of bed, searching for his clothes, the conversation he had with his dad ran through his head as he started to get dressed.

“What do you want to do with your life Brian?” he asked looking over at his son.

“I already know that. I’m singing and I have a girlfriend and everything.”

“Do you want to marry her?” his dad asked simply “I may be a bystander in this relationship of yours but I see you two hitting rock walls at every other turn.”

“We’re fine.” Brian said defensively “I don’t want to get married right now, I don’t know if it’s to her either.”

“Then why are you having sex with someone else’s wife?” he looked squarely back at Brian.

“Oh great, here we go on the morals again.” Brian scoffed “Not everyone’s old fashioned and everything dad.”

“So what would you say if I had a relationship outside of my marriage with a co-worker. It’s not that it’s old-fashioned Brian, it’s that hopefully you would expect the person you are marrying or dating to be respectful to you and to their future spouses.” Harold sighed “Sydney doesn’t want to get married she doesn’t want kids, and she wants her career – Is that what you want?”

“I don’t know” Brian glared back “I just got out of a car accident, I didn’t have an epiphany Dad!” he growled getting out of the car and slamming it shut.

Since then he was tossing the thought in his head. He had two wonderful examples of how a family could be a wonderful event. He just knew deep down in his heart he didn’t want his wife to by Sydney. She was sweet and caring in every respect but she simply did not want to be a mother. It was evident because she had a career she was well into and also because of her belligerence to stay and move up the ladder.

Then as he was thinking about how rude he had been to his mother, he realized it was because of Sydney. She would turn him against them, then play off of it to make him feel guilty till he succumbed to her and what she wanted.

He was again sucker-punched into her ways again, perhaps the crash wasn’t a strike but it had made him realize he wasn’t happy with his situation.

“Man you look horrible” AJ said as Brian made himself present and walked down the stairs “I just called Mom Littrell and got the information.

Brian scratched his head but said nothing.

“Hey so the boys want to have a meeting to see when we’re going to get back on the road” AJ announced trying to get Brian to talk.

“We just got off of a break and how you want me to go touring?” Brian asked.

“Well, no, just to a meeting” AJ said defensively “Where was Cid going?”

“She’s gone, left, we’re split up, parted” Brian said annoyed.

“OK dude this accident has made you all psycho.” AJ said.

“Will you please just leave” Brian growled walking into his kitchen; he grabbed a beer from the fridge dropping his head back while taking a gulp of the alcohol.

…

“Harold” his eyes turned up from the paper he was reading to look at his wife who was calling up the stairs, not seeing he was lounging in his chair in his office.

“In here” he replied putting it down, watching as she came in,

“You’re a grandpa” she said flatly.

Harold put his reading glasses down, Baker and Lucy had been married for three months. Brian never showed at the wedding, just to rub the fact that he hated his brother more so even with the time and distance that their grown years provided. Now though, Lucy was pregnant? That wasn’t something he knew Baker was planning on. In fact, he had heard from Jackie, Lucy had been taking birth control pills so they didn’t have an ‘oopsy’ while they were traveling around the army bases.

“I’m confused, aren’t they supposed to wait something, like a month or something before trying to have a child, I mean with that stuff.” He wondered, he was no expert on the subject.

“Sydney is pregnant” Jackie replied. “It can only be Brian’s.”

“I would’ve thought such femininity would make her more on ball” he said under his breath, than realized the pun he was playing and faked a gag “Does Brian know?” he asked.

…

Brian’s Southwest Flight landed in Kentucky at noon. He thought he would rub it in the boy’s face for not being there when he was ill. Why should he show to a meeting, when they expressed no interest in his life? Not only that, he had found sanctuary in this small place. He bought a house, in Lexington, his parent’s old place. Offering the current owners more than they could bargin for. He wanted to know what had happened that day when he was lost. What he didn’t know however were that the owners were also the parents of the nurse – he forgot her name.

The house would have looked good in it’s day, however lack of renovation on the part of the past owners, the house still looked like it was stuck on the edge of the seventies. The carpet was a puke-ish orange with white bead boarded walls and the large yellow flowered prints in some of the rooms.

None of it’s putridness brought back memories, on the contrary, it made him feel like he didn’t belong. As he walked around the front room, he could see the fog surrounding the morning sky.

The sound of a doorknob turning drew his eyes to the opening door, there in the crack he saw a small hand move between the small crack to remove the chain lock “Stupid door” he heard in a small whisper “Mom, Dad!” the voice said a little louder.

“They don’t live here anymore” Brian said back, his hands stuffed in his pockets watching her hand stop trying to undo the lock and a face peer in-between the door and the front wall.

“What?” her eyes were large and brown searching for the person she was now talking to.

“You’re on my property lady.” he said, “Your folks moved out yesterday.”

“Uh No.” the women responded brusquely, “I just spoke to them - You know I could have you arrested for trespassing!”

“I bought this house,” he said walking closer to the door “Ok.”

“But” the women was so confused, suddenly she backed up from the door and picked out her cell phone from her purse. She punched her fingers over the various numbers then placed it to her ear swiping a strand of curled hair from her face.

Listening patiently, Brian waited for her to talk to whomever she had dialed, after she hung up the phone she looked back at him, perplexed.

“They said you bought the place for two million – you gave my parents – wait.” She paused her eyes squinting as she abruptly recognized him “You’re, you. Ooohhh” she looked at him, her eyebrows turned down in frustration and anger.

“What?” it hit a funny bone he didn’t know he had watching her nose curl up as she snarled at him.

“You’re that little brat that ran a red light, the one that was in the hospital”

The voice, the face, it came back to his mind, like song “Excuse Me,” he said placing his hand over his chest “I believe you’re the one on my property.” He said, he smiled a little seeing her jaw drop in shock.

“I saved your life” she growled back, then shook her head “I shouldn’t have though” she said bitterly walking down the steps taking her leave.

“Have a nice day” he said, wondering himself why he made the investment. Nonetheless now he was alone again, in the house that held the memories of his past. Padding over to the steps he looked at the stairs, the wood was fading, it’s rich luster ripped away by years of wear and tear from toys, tools, and undyingly energetic people. “Now what” he asked himself, this new door he had opened just seemed to hold empty space, nothing worth probing, or at least he thought. He peered at the stairs again, noticing one stair was particularly shorter than the others on one side.

…


“Stay away from here” a voice said, as his small eyes fixed on the exposed stairway “Damnit, one of the pieces is to short”

“Daddy” the boy said scared, the stories that his brother had told him to scare him away from the stairs were now taking shape, the man was braced over a set of stairs, he stood up on one of the cross boards looking down at the situation as he braced himself by the much older banister.

“Shit” he said under his breath, the child smiled recognizing the word repeating it proudly. Shocked the man started towards him, unaware of the drop-off, and set of crossboards moved over accommodating the shorter and more individualistic step, his foot slipped, bracing his wait suddenly on the banister, the railing caved under his wait, his foot twisting as he fell sideways.

…


Brian blinked, looking at the stairs, his feet frozen to the tiled floor as an unshakable fear sucked through his breath.

“Come on” he told himself, looking down at his foot, it was as heavy as lead as he lifted it from the white tile, “why am I getting all berserk about this” he asked himself forcing his feet forward, ‘because some people are just supposed to be invincible’ he thought to himself, he took a shallow breath and started up the stairs. As he made it to the top he heaved a sigh of relief, he wasn’t sure what made him scared of the stairs, nothing was coming to mind, but for some reason it clicked as to why his parent’s house in Virginia wasn’t wood.

“Brian?” Sydney was whispering on the phone, her voice sounded tired.

“What?” Brian asked, leaning in the doorway that was his parent’s old room. It was bare. He was going to turn it into his own room; he wasn’t sure how he was going to go buy furniture. He knew what he wanted, he would like, well, he really wanted something like. He didn’t know, he had no clue what sort of furniture he wanted; he’d been staring at the room for an hour, still unable to picture anything in the room.

“Are you still wanting to be alone?” she asked. Brian scratched his nail against the paint on the molding thinking.

“I don’t know” he replied. He had to admit, he missed her. He was just – he wasn’t sure what he was thinking. He was mad at the world. He just wanted everything to stop, stop so he could walk back in his life, see how he and his brother’s relationship had come to blows, “humph” he scoffed to himself, he knew what set it off. A year after he had moved in with the Littrell’s, Brian was still getting used to being there.

He never spoke of Peter or Pamela, but he thought about them. He couldn’t help but think about them. After Jackie and Harold brought another child, Grace into the world, their attention was turned to her.

It was fine because he didn’t care. He just got lost in his own thoughts. His grades dropped and he started skipping school, he was pulled out of a public school, and placed him in a private prep school.

But they got fixed things quickly, asking him numerous times how things were, they kept their checks up and did everything on their part that they could’ve done. Still it didn’t help. He went to a dance in High school, where he met a girl. Annie was her name they started going out. He felt like he had control of something for the first time. No matter how much his parent’s now prohibited it, he defied them. Soon enough he lost his virginity, not to Annie but another girl he had cheated on Annie.

Baker was home for the summer and was there to whiteness Brian’s Dad’s anger and disappointment, and his smile said it all, he was enjoying Brian’s pain. They came to blows again, Brian was so mad. In Baker’s eyes all he did was wrong, and his but Harold and Jackie punished them both. The money that was going to be used for a family vacation to Mexico was now being earned back by both boys. Brian got a job, at the church singing; Baker gave a certain amount of his earnings. They had no choice not to go on the vacation either. The vacation ended up being a hellhole. It gave his dad the opportunity to keep after him every moment. He fiercely wanted independence, and his parents were cutting it off in every direction.

Then he came back for his junior year of high school, and in may he got a call from his cousin. One he had barely known, but apparently had heard lots about him. He was invited to join a group. Harold said ‘no’ while his Mom thought it might be a good experience, in the end Jackie won out, and Brian was on his way. From there he had lots of girlfriends, he spent lots of money, and did whatever he wanted. He most recent girl was Sydney; they had met in a coffee shop where she was a waitress. He was a good talker, and got her number, then won her over.

“Brian?” she asked again, “can we try again?” she asked.

He looked at his parents room, his room, it was his room now. “Do you know where I am?” he asked.

“Kentucky, right?” she asked.

“Yeah” he replied “Don’t tell my parents though.”

“Ok, fine.” She replied, “When are you coming home?”

“I don’t know –“

“Well I’ll come out there.” She responded.

Brian looked at the molding then at the hallway “yeah sure.”

“K bye” she hung up the phone.

Brian hung up his cell tapping it against the side of his leg. What was he doing here?

….

“Are you going to call him?” Jackie asked, watching her husband fiddle with a calculator, he put his glasses down looking at her.

“No. I tried his house, and his cell. He doesn’t answer either.”

“He is your son, you know.” She said.

Harold shook his head looking down at the paper, scoffing at her “Tell that to him.”

Jolie made her way into the parking lot of the grocery store in time to see her ex pull out. It was one of the drawbacks to dating a lot of people in such a small town, well not that Lexington was small, however it also didn’t mean that you weren’t going to run into somebody while going through the local stores.

After she pulled her cart from the others she walked through the automatic doors to her desired destination. The announcer welcomed everyone to Ashland Food Market and Jolie found herself responding to the rhetorical announcement.

“Miss Jolie, what a surprise” a man with cowboy boots and jeans with a huge belt keeping it situated walked up towards her cart.

“Elliot” she smiled, she was going to run into everyone today, whether she wanted to or not. “What a surprise.”

“You surprised me. How’s your patient? You said you were pretty worried he wouldn’t pull through.”

“He’s fine. He bought my parents house.” She said pushing her cart ahead; she had a schedule to keep.

Elliot followed pulling his cart around watching as she chose some apples from the fruits section. “My big brother, Basely says he knew him, your patient I mean.”

“How would you know? I never said his name.” she eyed him looking up from the Granny apple she was holding in her hands. Her eyes were a beautiful deep brown and her hair was pulled back with a hair clip, a small wisp fell just by her left temple and curved around her cheekbone.

“He’s a celebrity Jole it’s bound to get out.” Elliot protested lightly smiling at her. He wasn’t quite as attractive as his older brother, the one Jolie had seen leave the parking lot but a few minutes earlier.

“Basely says allot of things” Jolie said looking back down, figuring how change the subject enough so she wouldn’t have to talk about it. It was becoming such a sour subject.

“I’m serious. You remember that storm in 83?” he asked, Jolie blinked at him. “It was huge, it was like one of the biggest on record. The police went out and searched high and low for his body, he was all over the news for a month. He was on all the milk cartons. Then somehow the case just shut down, and the family up and moved.” Elliot explained.

“Elliot I’m intrigued by your knowledge of whoever he is, I can’t remember his name, but I really don’t care what he or his family did –“

“He was found by some people who lived up in Maryland, or Virginia, one of the two, and then was taken away from them.”

“Elliot” she said looking at him sharply “He bought my parents house, ok. I don’t care who he is!” she pushed her cart ahead again.

Elliot smiled keenly “He’s behind you.”

“Elliot enough of your jokes – Oh, Mr. umm”

“Brian” Brian said walking up behind Elliot “And you’re Miss Clarke.”

“Hi” Jolie said reluctantly pushing her hair from her face “You hear to take my groceries too?” she caught herself, she was just so angry with what this hot-shot celebrity had done to her parents, but still she should’ve just been civil about it “I’m sorry” she excused herself “Sometimes I have a big mouth.” She said trying to excuse her outburst.

“Baby I can’t find the sugar in this little pit stop, you sure this is a grocery store?” Sydney walked up, her manicured fingers grasping the clasp of her small purse up to her bosom, her wavy hair perfectly falling around shaped face. She was like a Barbie doll. She glanced at the three gathered together “Who are your friends, Baby?” Jolie took a moment to look her style over. She was told that she was ‘out of style’ by one of her friends in Boston, but as far as she saw if this women was an example, she would gladly forfeit her ‘status’. The women wore a lime green tank shirt with white pants, and the same lime green high heels. Working in a hospital Jolie was used to wearing scrubs, and tennis shoes, or as she was wearing today, a plain brown tee with jeans and sandles.

“This is Elliot Barnes, and Miss Clarke, I bought her parents house, which used to be the place I lived, when I was five.”

Now she was stuck, Jolie wanted to make an exit, perhaps she could slip away without being noticed, oh wait she had a car, yeah right, her getting away. Now she was going to have to make an excuse, she had to get the rest of her grocery shopping done, wasn’t that good enough “Nice to meet you. I need to go, sorry.” She said pushing her cart ahead, it was rude, but she had already opened her mouth once and she had already made her statement.

“Wait, Miss Clarke.” Brian called after her “I’m sorry about, how things fell out.”

Jolie stopped her car, cursing at herself “It’s fine” she said dipping her head looking at the handle on her cart, her phone started to ring. Sighing she picked it up. It was her ex.

“Baby” she could hear the high pitched squeal of Brian’s girlfriend call in her annoying needy fashion from behind “What are we going to do about the baby?”

…


Brain watched as Miss Clarke, he had forgotten her first name, walked away attending anxiously to her other errands. Sydney was pulling at him though now, begging for his attention.

“Should we get an abortion?” she asked “I know a lot of doctors that can do the procedure.”

…

“It’s just not a good time right now, the boys, the move.”

“You heard them, they’re so excited, they want a baby sister.”

“You mean Brian wants a baby sister –“

“Yeah, We just got through paying off the bills for Brian, I don’t want to be in dept like that again.” Their voices were soft, as they spoke they were both sitting at the kitchen table, the man was home late again, another long shift at the eff-bee-eye.

The boy couldn’t sleep though, which is why he was now downstairs. The child’s feet padded across the tile floor, up to where the women was sitting, she looked down at him, her soft brown hair fell over her robe tightly.

“I’ll go back to work” she said picking him up, he rested his head under her chin and she stroked his soft blond curly hair “Baby Duck, what are you doing out of bed, it’s nearly eleven-thirty.” She caressed his cheeks.

“How far along?” the child heard, he looked at the man who was looking at them.

“Does it matter? We can make it, we can struggle for a little while longer.” She replied placing her hand across the table towards the man's folded arms “I can work until the baby comes.”

“But what about the boys we already have, what about the attention they need?” he asked concerned watching her hand reach slowly for his.

“I want a sister” he smiled.

…

“…It would ruin our careers… I want to model still, I can’t have a sagging stomach” she said pressing her manicured nails across his chin.

Brian didn’t know quite what to say, the only pregnancy he had seen was his sister Grace. But for some reason he felt like there was something missing. “I don’t know, he replied numbly.”

Jolie made her way into the parking lot of the grocery store in time to see her ex pull out. It was one of the drawbacks to dating a lot of people in such a small town, well not that Lexington was small, however it also didn’t mean that you weren’t going to run into somebody while going through the local stores.

After she pulled her cart from the others she walked through the automatic doors to her desired destination. The announcer welcomed everyone to Ashland Food Market and Jolie found herself responding to the rhetorical announcement.

“Miss Jolie, what a surprise” a man with cowboy boots and jeans with a huge belt keeping it situated walked up towards her cart.

“Elliot” she smiled, she was going to run into everyone today, whether she wanted to or not. “What a surprise.”

“You surprised me. How’s your patient? You said you were pretty worried he wouldn’t pull through.”

“He’s fine. He bought my parents house.” She said pushing her cart ahead; she had a schedule to keep.

Elliot followed pulling his cart around watching as she chose some apples from the fruits section. “My big brother, Basely says he knew him, your patient I mean.”

“How would you know? I never said his name.” she eyed him looking up from the Granny apple she was holding in her hands. Her eyes were a beautiful deep brown and her hair was pulled back with a hair clip, a small wisp fell just by her left temple and curved around her cheekbone.

“He’s a celebrity Jole it’s bound to get out.” Elliot protested lightly smiling at her. He wasn’t quite as attractive as his older brother, the one Jolie had seen leave the parking lot but a few minutes earlier.

“Basely says allot of things” Jolie said looking back down, figuring how change the subject enough so she wouldn’t have to talk about it. It was becoming such a sour subject.

“I’m serious. You remember that storm in 83?” he asked, Jolie blinked at him. “It was huge, it was like one of the biggest on record. The police went out and searched high and low for his body, he was all over the news for a month. He was on all the milk cartons. Then somehow the case just shut down, and the family up and moved.” Elliot explained.

“Elliot I’m intrigued by your knowledge of whoever he is, I can’t remember his name, but I really don’t care what he or his family did –“

“He was found by some people who lived up in Maryland, or Virginia, one of the two, and then was taken away from them.”

“Elliot” she said looking at him sharply “He bought my parents house, ok. I don’t care who he is!” she pushed her cart ahead again.

Elliot smiled keenly “He’s behind you.”

“Elliot enough of your jokes – Oh, Mr. umm”

“Brian” Brian said walking up behind Elliot “And you’re Miss Clarke.”

“Hi” Jolie said reluctantly pushing her hair from her face “You hear to take my groceries too?” she caught herself, she was just so angry with what this hot-shot celebrity had done to her parents, but still she should’ve just been civil about it “I’m sorry” she excused herself “Sometimes I have a big mouth.” She said trying to excuse her outburst.

“Baby I can’t find the sugar in this little pit stop, you sure this is a grocery store?” Sydney walked up, her manicured fingers grasping the clasp of her small purse up to her bosom, her wavy hair perfectly falling around shaped face. She was like a Barbie doll. She glanced at the three gathered together “Who are your friends, Baby?” Jolie took a moment to look her style over. She was told that she was ‘out of style’ by one of her friends in Boston, but as far as she saw if this women was an example, she would gladly forfeit her ‘status’. The women wore a lime green tank shirt with white pants, and the same lime green high heels. Working in a hospital Jolie was used to wearing scrubs, and tennis shoes, or as she was wearing today, a plain brown tee with jeans and sandles.

“This is Elliot Barnes, and Miss Clarke, I bought her parents house, which used to be the place I lived, when I was five.”

Now she was stuck, Jolie wanted to make an exit, perhaps she could slip away without being noticed, oh wait she had a car, yeah right, her getting away. Now she was going to have to make an excuse, she had to get the rest of her grocery shopping done, wasn’t that good enough “Nice to meet you. I need to go, sorry.” She said pushing her cart ahead, it was rude, but she had already opened her mouth once and she had already made her statement.

“Wait, Miss Clarke.” Brian called after her “I’m sorry about, how things fell out.”

Jolie stopped her car, cursing at herself “It’s fine” she said dipping her head looking at the handle on her cart, her phone started to ring. Sighing she picked it up. It was her ex.

“Baby” she could hear the high pitched squeal of Brian’s girlfriend call in her annoying needy fashion from behind “What are we going to do about the baby?”

…


Brain watched as Miss Clarke, he had forgotten her first name, walked away attending anxiously to her other errands. Sydney was pulling at him though now, begging for his attention.

“Should we get an abortion?” she asked “I know a lot of doctors that can do the procedure.”

…

“It’s just not a good time right now, the boys, the move.”

“You heard them, they’re so excited, they want a baby sister.”

“You mean Brian wants a baby sister –“

“Yeah, We just got through paying off the bills for Brian, I don’t want to be in dept like that again.” Their voices were soft, as they spoke they were both sitting at the kitchen table, the man was home late again, another long shift at the eff-bee-eye.

The boy couldn’t sleep though, which is why he was now downstairs. The child’s feet padded across the tile floor, up to where the women was sitting, she looked down at him, her soft brown hair fell over her robe tightly.

“I’ll go back to work” she said picking him up, he rested his head under her chin and she stroked his soft blond curly hair “Baby Duck, what are you doing out of bed, it’s nearly eleven-thirty.” She caressed his cheeks.

“How far along?” the child heard, he looked at the man who was looking at them.

“Does it matter? We can make it, we can struggle for a little while longer.” She replied placing her hand across the table towards the man's folded arms “I can work until the baby comes.”

“But what about the boys we already have, what about the attention they need?” he asked concerned watching her hand reach slowly for his.

“I want a sister” he smiled.

…

“…It would ruin our careers… I want to model still, I can’t have a sagging stomach” she said pressing her manicured nails across his chin.

Brian didn’t know quite what to say, the only pregnancy he had seen was his sister Grace. But for some reason he felt like there was something missing. “I don’t know, he replied numbly.”

“Brian” Sydney said begging for this attention again as they walked out of the grocery store “ I don’t want one.”

Looking at the groceries he walked to his car “You don’t want a baby? You mean you want an abortion?” he asked looking at her.

“Yes.” She said.

“Well” he stuttered back, this was going to set his career back as well.

“Ok, then I’m going to do it. I’ll go see a doctor today. Lets go now and do it.” She said.

“But, it was our mistake don’t you think we should take responsibility for our actions?” Brian asked as they approached the car at the end of the parking lot. He opened the trunk and started putting the groceries in.

“Hey, I have rights too, I didn’t know we were going to get pregnant. And I don’t want to raise this child. I don’t want to take it full term either. I don’t want it.” She paused watching as her boyfriend looked ahead focusing his mind on the groceries. His feelings had been hurt, she was as shallow as everyone was saying. He knew it, he just never wanted to say it.

…


“You’re phone should be working right away” the man said, turning to Brian as they approached the front door. Brian nodded and thanked him signing the last agreement, watching as the man left shutting the door behind him.

“Now I need furniture.” He said to himself. He walked over to the counter and pulled out a phonebook from the dresser. As he sat down he started flipping through the pages, but before he could get that far into the ‘stores’ section, his cell phone went off.

Taking it from his pocket he looked at who was calling him. Again it was his dad.

“I’m not talking to you” he said to the phone shoving it on the counter, watching it buzz as he continued on his task. A beep came through, Brian looked up again from the book towards the phone. His dad had left a message. “I’m not calling you back though.”

He opened his phone and dialed the code for his cell phone then listened as the message replayed.

“Brian, this is your dad. You really have us worried up here, you’re phone is still charged which means at least you are taking care of that. Anyway your mother got a call about Sydney and the baby although you know how unenthusiastic we are about the circumstances. Still you know where we are and you can call us…. One more thing, I’m giving your brother some old furniture – yes he finally made an appearance, I really wish you two would sit down and talk. The furniture is In a storage centre in Frankfurt gathering dust, anyway if there is anything you might want. Although as God is my whiteness I don’t know why it would be that valuable or why it’s desirable. Anyway this is getting long, and I have to get back to work.

“Brian I hope you’re all right, please give us a call. I know you’re upset with someone for some reason, but at least call your mother to ease her mind. Love you, bye”

“Beep” the phone said “Please press seven if you want to delete this message, please press nine to save –“ Brian hung up his phone.

“What a coincidence” he said slyly, he looked back towards the book turning the pages to the storage centers, searching around. He found the first one and dialed the number.”

“Franks Storage.” A man answered.

“Hello. I was wondering if you had any furniture there under the name of Littrell?”

“Just a moment” the man replied and left the phone for a moment “Did you call earlier this morning?”

“Umm” Brian tried to think “It might’ve been my dad that called.”

“No, I distinctly remember it was someone younger” the man replied “The keys are down at the front desk if you want to come grab them. I’ll just need a signature and I.D.”

How easy was this? Brian smiled, “Oh yeah, it was me. I apologize for that. Thank you. I’ll be right down to pick it up.” He said. So his brother was in town, and his dad had said he wanted anything that it was there too. “Thank you, buh-bye.”

Writing the directions down on a piece of paper he stood up and walked to the door, ready to go to the storage center.

When he got there, he realized how old the place was. It looked like it hadn’t been refurbished in twenty years. Stepping out of the car Brian walked into the main building and provided his I.D. and a signature to the man and in return received the keys.

“It’s B-13” the man said as he walked out the door. Brian nodded and headed towards building B, as he started down the rows he tried to think to see if he had been here before.

“We couldn’t have afforded this” he said to himself walking up to the place where a large B with a dash 13 was “Ok” he said to himself looking down at the key putting it in the huge lock, he turned the key and felt the latch at the bottom and center of the door. He lifted it up watching as the furniture was revealed. “This isn’t bad.” He said looking in on the furniture.

…


“Brian” Sydney let herself into the house, “I did it.” Brian pulled off his sweaty shirt looking at her as she came in the door “You look sexy.” She said smiling putting her purse down, she looked over to the side at the furniture “What’s that smell, it’s like a cat died and someone poured perfume over it.”

“This is my parent’s furniture.” Brian breathed out heavily “What do you mean what did you do.”

“Why’d you go and get some old furniture, it’s disgusting.” She said looking about, at the brown tables and orange and brown flowered couches.

“Sydney what did you want to tell me?” Brian said annoyed. Right now he didn’t want to talk about the furniture, he was trying to put things back where they were, so he could figure out what his past was like.

“I had the abortion.” She said simply.

“You did what?” he looked at her “We, we didn’t even talk about it.”

“Hey, I’m the one that’s carrying that baggage.”

“Baggage? It’s a thing Sydney; we created it together, why. We could’ve gotten married; we could’ve afforded it. Why’d, what –“

“Hello” Sydney looked at him “I didn’t want it.”

“Well what about me, what about the baby.”

“Brian he wasn’t alive! It was just an accident and now it’s taken care of.”

“Why didn’t you ask me to come with you?” he asked.

“ I don’t know, it doesn’t matter.” Sydney sighed “Why did you get your parents furniture? That’s the real important question here.”


….


“Honey” Jackie turned over wrapping her hands around her husbands waist, “Your phone is going off.” She whispered nuzzling her nose into the back of his neck.

“Mmmm” he mumbled searching around blindly for his phone. He found it and placed it near his ear. “Yes?” he asked, his voice was dry, and monotone.

“Hey Uncle Harold, it’s Kevin. I’m looking for Brian.”

“Best of luck” Harold muttered back as he started to pull the phone from his face to shut it off.

“No, Hey! Harold, I need to find him.” Kevin said desperately “We have a meeting.

“Talk to my wife” he said drowsily letting his phone fall behind his back. Jackie, luckily, moved back a little and picked up the phone.

“Hello?” she asked, trying to be nice.

“Jackie, sorry for calling so early, but Brian’s supposed to be at a meeting over here.”

“Over where?” Jackie asked, her husband mumbled something, probably asking her to hang up the phone.

“Sweden” Kevin replied.

“Kevin, didn’t you try his cell.”

“He doesn’t answer it?”

“No. I’ve called for days now.”

“Well apparently he’s done the same to us. Try his girlfriends cell.” She said yawning. Her husband turned over in towards her.

“Mark called me today, she’s back in Florida.” He mumbled.

“Sorry Kevin, we haven’t been able to get a hold of him.”

“Yeah” Kevin replied “Sorry again for waking you.” He said before he hung up the phone. Jackie reached passed her husband to put the phone away Then laid back down pressing her hand on her husbands chest.

“Will you try him again, please” she asked “In the morning?”

“Mmm” he mumbled back.

“Harold” she asked softly, “will you call Dirk?”

“Right now?” he asked opening his eyes again.

She nodded “Please”

“Honey it’s two in the morning there.”

“I know.” She said “Please.”

rian sat up from sleeping on the couch watching the fog as it covered the land in the front yard. He saw a broad figure walking up towards his door.

The doorbell rang so he sat up and answered it “Hello?” he said drowsily.

“Brian, I’m Officer Dirk Clarke from the FCPD –“

“Say what?” Brian asked rubbing his eyes, it was six in the morning.

“I’m Dirk Clarke, and officer at the Fayette County Police Department.’

“What’d I do?” he asked, everything he had done while he was there was by the book.

“I just need to ask you some questions. May I come in?” he asked. Brian nodded scratching the back of his neck as he moved to the side.

“Dear Lord in heaven.” Dirk looked about, it was as if he had been transported back more than twenty years “you really pinned the tail on this donkey. Where’d you get this furniture from?” he paused breathing for a moment “Heck” he said as he couldn’t help gawking at the place.

“It’s my parents. I bought the house.”

“I thought you looked familiar” Dirk smiled out the side of his mouth, his hands on his hips as he gazed about “Well I’ll be” he said shaking his head.

“You said you had some questions?” Brian said folding his arms.

“Yeah, one is why the hell do you go scaring good folks like your parents. I got a call from your Pa about two this morning. You certainly know how to tie those people up into a real knot.”

“Excuse me, but I left home a long time ago. I’ve been living on my own for the past four years. I need my space.”

“Apparently” Dirk said looking about, he walked over to the banister feeling along the railing “humph” he said amused as he moved the loose wood railing. He turned around and looked at Brian “I’m assuming you bought this with cash then.” He sighed.

“Yeah, why does it matter?” he asked.

“It doesn’t in retrospect.” He said smiling

…

Jolie sat in the diner her plate of food pushed a little in front of her so she could spread the paper out before her. Then she saw him. Mr. Littrell, he was walking in, quickly she put the paper up to cover her face.

“Can I sit here?” he asked, Jolie looked up seeing he was standing beside her looking over the paper.

She smiled politely “I guess” she said putting the paper down “I’m already done anyway” she said.

“Please” he said politely “Stay.”

She nodded “Ok” she said.

“Listen, I know I was jerk at the hospital, especially after what you did for me after my accident. I, uh, I want to apologize.” He said looking at her.

“Really” she put her hand on her chin, and let her elbow rest on the table “Really?”

“Really” he smiled “I was a jerk. I was a jerk to a lot of people.”

“You’re telling’ me. You were a real pain in the but.” She smiled.

“Yeah.” He smiled looking at the table “I’ve been selfish.” He said softly, then looked up, his blue eyes were being sincere, Jolie wasn’t prepared for this, she was confused at what he was talking about.

“Oh, you can’t be that bad.” She insisted, feeling sad for him.

“I am.” He said, “I got this girl because she was a model, I dated her because she was an easy catch. I figure life’s about me. I wasn’t like that a log time ago. I’m just happy when I get my way.”

“Hey, it’s not all your fault” she said, still confused “Are you, and” Jolie couldn’t remember her name “the girl –“

“Sydney” Brian replied, “I broke it off” he sighed. “I don’t know what I’m even doing here now. I just had the county sheriff come over to my house this morning, and apparently everyone knows what happened to me but me.”

“What do you mean? I mean unless it’s personal.” She sighed, then saw her watch she was going to be late for work, her break was almost over “Why are you here?” she asked.

“I don’t know, really.” He paused looking up at her, she showed no sign she had to leave “I just needed a friend.”

“Yeah” Jolie replied, she could use that, just a friend, not someone after her for something else. “Well, what are you doing later tonight?” she asked.

“Sitting at home, trying to figure out why I feel so alienated in it.” He said then looked up.

“Well, why don’t you come with me bowling tonight? It’s the best local fun there is.” She smiled.

“You sure?” he asked, a little shocked, at this open invitation.