Nadine pulled her brown shoulder length hair up in a bun and took a glimpse in the mirror. Well today is a new day. You should smile. It was her first day as a volunteer in a new program at the Beverly Center Hospice. After a couple of deep breathes Nadine exited the bathroom fixing her badge.

“Hey Nadine I got a new patient for you,” Sarah grinned looking around. “It’s kinda top secret. But come on we aren’t all stupid. You won’t believe it. He’s a hottie, but quite the grouch. Maybe you can tame him.” Sarah was the reception nurse at the new hospice. She was always leaning over her counter and gossiping. The girls had grown close with all the hours that Nadine spent volunteering. She handed Nadine the clipboard with documents.

Nadine hadn’t understood a word that Sarah had said. She was more worried about who this grouch was that everyone was talking about. Her stomach was in knots. In an attempt to ease the fluttering she took a couple of deep breaths, which didn’t seem to work; she walked in anyway.

“Hello how are---” She went speechless as her eyes met with her patients green eyes. Familiar green eyes. No one had prepared her for this.

The man faked a smile, “Hello. I’m confined to these four walls…how do you think?” His response was croaky and low and full of sarcasm. “So, listen…I hope you didn’t come to give me anymore shots. My ass can’t handle anymore needles.”

She covered her mouth to stifle a giggle, “Uh…Scott right?” She looked at the chart to make sure, that’s what he’d put as his name. “Sorry about the shots. I‘m guessing they are just routine.” It was odd to call him that. She looked over the chart, but that was the name on it. Scott R.

He nodded with a roll of his eyes. “Of course they are. So Nadine is it…” He shot a glance at her chest and then the badge. “Just do what you have to quick…I‘m tired of this routine!”

“Ok, but I'm not a nurse. I'm a volunteer for the Spreading Smiles program. We volunteer our time to accompany people who…”

“Are lonely? Well, I’m not lonely. I’m just dying.”

Sarah hadn’t been joking about needing to tame down the hottie. “No one said you were lonely…Scott. I’m just offering my free time, so that you can have some fun outside these four walls. Now, like I was saying, I’ll be here for a couple of hours this evening. So if you need me for anything you can just push this---”

“I’ve been here for two months already. You’re the newbie!” He held his hip with a face of pain.
“Right sorry. I’m just nervous; today is practically my first day with Cancer patients so…” She placed the clipboard down and checked his pulse.

He looked up at her “Not much to it. We just lay here moping and reminiscing about being out in the world, like normal people.” She watched as he stared out the window. Drifted off in thought, as though he hadn’t been out of his room for years.

She looked down somewhat embarrassed and saddened by his situation, “I’m sorry that you feel that way, Scott.”

“Is sorry all you know to say? We have to have more conversation than this, especially if we are supposed to spend so much time together. Wait…we did have volunteers a couple of weeks ago. They didn’t last long and the one I got was a bit nerdy. All she did was read to me like I was a child”

He pulled his gown up over his head. “Do you mind handing me that shirt.”

“Oh my God!” Nadine closed her eyes quickly imagining he had nothing else under. She heard his laughter and opened one eye then the other. Tall, dark and handsome was all she could think. He had muscles everywhere. Oh my god! Stop drooling Nadine. How can he have cancer?

“Well…you gonna hand me my shirt or leave me standing here in the cold?”

She snapped out of her trance and reached for the shirt, “Oh…um…right…” she stuttered, “Um…how about I start with telling you what we will be doing.”

“I would love to know what that would be…” He rolled his eyes. There wasn’t much that could bring him any kind of joy. Nothing made him feel whole, at least not lately. “Now I’m sorry, go on.”

“I will be here during the evening; approximately four hours a day. Once school is over I will be changed to the day shift. There are many more things to do during the day.” He wasn’t saying anything. Nadine didn’t know if Scott had gone silent, because he wasn’t feeling well, or her information was being processed slowly. “Um…I found a park nearby; were we can take a walk. Plus, I heard you like music. There is a really nice Café down the street. Where they play jazz music.”

He sat up with a surprised look on his face, “We? As in you and I are going to do this? How is that going to be possible? My mother specifically gave instructions to not let me out of this hell hole.”

Nadine nodded “I can imagine that they already informed her about the program. If not we can always request for her permission if that is necessary.”

"I’m a grown ass man. I can make my own decisions, thank you.” He shifted on the end of his bed.

“You just made it sound like your mother was in charge. Are you always so pleasant?” She teased, “As I was saying before, I’m in a program that volunteers us to be a companion for someone with the same interest, we get to spend 2 to 4 hours with that certain person until…”

He groaned, “Until we die? Then you move on to the next patient. Typical, but I’ll take what I can get.”

There wasn’t much she could argue on that last statement. That’s how the program worked, and usually the volunteer was moved before they even got a chance to get attached to the patient. “Don’t put words in my mouth, smarty pants. I was going to say until we are assigned to someone else. So, should we get started tonight? I thought we’d play a game of pool in the lounge, and then it will be medicine and bedtime. Cool?”

“Damn you sound like a nurse…with a mixture of my mother.” He hopped off the bed, as if nothing was wrong with him. “Well don’t just stand there lets go.”

The twosome walked down the hall in silence. She couldn’t get enough of his looks. He was slender, but muscular. His hair was a healthy, coarse black. Not to mention that she felt her heart skip a beat when his green eyes met with hers.

“Give me a second. I have to sign us in.” She walked over to Sarah who seemed to be drooling from the side of her mouth. “Napkin?” Nadine teased, as she leaned on the counter.

Sarah giggled, “He's been here for two months and I just can't stop staring. I just can't believe he's here..."

“Yeah, neither can I. Who would have ever thought. There is nothing on the news…”

Sarah turned to look at Nadine and chuckled. “He is going to be so much fun for you. You get to spend your days with a Backstreet Boy…ok ex-Backstreet Boy. Anyone would give their left boob for an opportunity like this.”

Nadine smiled, “That is pretty true! You were right though; he’s got an attitude on him. He doesn’t look that grumpy on TV.” Both girls turned to stare at the tall man standing a couple of feet away.

Once at the lounge, the game started off slow and awkwardly silent. “So what did you do before coming here?” Nadine broke the silence with a question. A question, whose answer she already knew.

He looked at her a bit puzzled, but satisfied that she had no idea who he was. “I used to sing…until I found out that I was sick.” Scott didn’t hesitate to fill her in on his wife, who had left a couple of months after she found out about his illness. She found it too hard to cope with everything so she up and left one day. “She just up and left.”

“I’m sorry. That must’ve been hard for you.”

He was the youngest of three brothers and had moved from Kentucky with his mother after his father had died of cancer. “She can’t deal with me at home, so she stuck me in here…motherly love” he seemed bitter about his mothers intentions.

She interrupted his chain of thought, “Hey maybe she means well. If your always this grouchy…maybe she…" Nadine got a glare from Scott. So, she decided to keep her thought to herself. "How about we just continue the game?”

“My cousin has a band and well I used to play with them, but chemo and my side affects…made me quit.” He seemed to go deep in thought and was startled by the click of the balls crashing together.

“I’m sorry about your father and your wife. But being here can’t be that bad.” She smiled trying to make his life better with one phrase.

He laughed as he queued his pool stick, “Well it’s no Hilton. Plus, it’s just a reminder that I’m going to die. People die around me at least once a week here.” His broad shoulders lifted in a defeated shrug.

Nadine sighed heavily; making things fun and easier for Scott’s last months of life was not going to be easy. “Your turn.” His voice broke her thoughts. “So, what about you? What is your life like?”

She would have preferred not to answer such a question. Her life was complicated at the time. “Um…I just turned 21. I work at Denny’s and go to school part-time ... I live with my two brothers, a sister and my mom. I never get enough sleep, and I dedicate whatever free time I do have to volunteering.”

“Wow all in a nutshell huh? Well, at least you don’t have only six months to live?”

Nadine just stared at him dumbfounded. “Was that supposed to be funny? Cause it’s not.” She stated. “Come on our time is up for today.”

Once again they walked down the hall in total silence. She motioned him to wait and went back to Sarah in the reception area.

“Ok we are back Sarah…” Nadine leaned over the counter.

“Oh good cause it’s Mr. Richardson’s sleeping time” Sarah spoke loud enough for him to hear. Then she gave him a wink. He groaned and smiled back at her “Oh come on Scott…you just played a game of pool with none other than, Nadine Santos. One of our top volunteers in the program. You can at least sleep happy!” Sarah teased with a giggle, which made Nadine turn three shades of red.

Nadine and Scott walked down the hall to his room. “Well here we are…” Nadine stopped at the door.

She watched as Scott, climbed into his full size bed and gave her a friendly smile. “Good night.” She almost whispered and started to walk away.

“Hey Nadine?” His voice made her stomach flip. Never in a million years did she imagine hearing his voice, if it wasn’t singing through the radio. She turned to look at him, “Thanks for volunteering. I really had a good time tonight.” He turned around and covered up.

She smiled and left him to rest. Once back home she tossed and turned in bed. She couldn’t believe that she was going to be hanging around someone famous. She wasn’t that big of a fan of the Backstreet Boys, anymore. She‘d turned twenty five early that year and she thought it was time to grow out of it. So she packed whatever she had and hid it away in the garage.

The thought of him hiding away in hospice without telling anyone was a bit odd. He‘d been the perfectionist of the group, at least from what she saw in interviews and magazines.

The Kevin Scott Richardson on TV was totally different from the one she’d seen today.

~~~~~

The next day was a bit easier on the two. He was in a much better mood and ready to go wherever she had planned. She smiled as she caught him pacing at his door.

“Hi.”

He stopped and looked up at her. His green eyes brightening up at the sight of her. “Hi. I thought maybe I scared you off.”

Nadine smirked, “So, we can say that you did enjoy my company?” She was trying to be playful and break the tension that seemed to build up between them.

“Oh don’t flatter yourself. You are just a kid.”

She let out a laughter. “I didn’t mean it that way.”

“Right!”

“Come on, we aren’t doing anything special today. Just going out to the garden for a walk and then a game of checkers?”

“That’s lame! I thought you were here to have fun.”

“Well, not everyday. We can’t rush into things you know.”

She reached up and placed her hand on his shoulder and gave it a squeeze. “Don’t get all grumpy. We will still have fun. You can’t tell me more about you.”

“Mhmm…”

They spent the next four hours, walking, talking and arguing. Kevin was quite the character and sometimes Nadine wasn’t sure if she would be able to tolerate him. One minute he’d be laughing and smiling and the next he’d be pissed and almost yelling.

“I’m really sorry.”

“It’s ok. I can imagine it’s--”

“You can’t imagine anything that’s going on inside of me, Nadine. My body is deteriorating and there isn’t a damn thing I can do. I used to do a lot of things and now I’m confined to these four walls…like a fuckin prisoner. So, you can’t imagine.”

He walked into his room and slammed the door.

“Give him time! He’s just a jerk.” Sarah yelled from the reception office.

“Easy for you to say.” Nadine walked over to the counter, “Think I can drop out?”

Nadine felt exhausted as she entered the building; with the working early morning, school during the afternoon and volunteering in the evening, there wasn‘t much time for sleep. In her hand she carried a tin box.

“Good afternoon, Melody,” she greeted the receptionist as she made her way down the hall. She couldn’t believe that two weeks had already gone by. Classes were almost over and she’d been moved to the afternoon shift at the Hospice. She was startled to hear commotion coming from Scott’s room.

“Mr. Richardson, please stop fighting us…you need your medication or your going to feel sick the rest of the day.” Instead of obeying, he grabbed the mini cup and flung it across the room.

“It makes me sick anyways.” Scott hissed.

Nadine couldn’t believe what she was seeing; Scott fighting off the nurses was unbelievable. He almost looked like a monster; kicking and thrashing at them. She’d learned that he could be a total ass, but lately he was trying to control it.

“Uh…is he ok?” She asked a nurse that had decided to stand back.

“I‘ve never seen him like this before. Sometimes their medication, especially chemo can put them in a mood. Why don’t you just take a seat. He’ll be fine once we sedate him.” Nadine shook her head and hesitantly took a seat in the comfy recliner in the corner of his room. She leaned back, hugged the box in her hands and closed her eyes to avoid seeing anything else.

Nadine heard the faint sound of music in her ears. She opened her eyes slowly, realizing she’d fallen asleep. “Hey sleepy head…” Scott smiled as he delicately played a tune on his keyboard. “Looks like someone is pushing themselves too much.”

“Hi” she responded rubbing her eyes a little confused. “Are you feeling better?”

“Hell no! I hate this place. I hate the medication…but I have to make the best of it.” He took a look at the box in her hands, “So, what you got there?”

She smiled at his curiosity, “It was for you…”

He frowned, “What do you mean…was? Oh come on, don’t tell me your not going to give it to me because of my display earlier…I can’t help it.” Scott wasn’t looking like other days, he was looking pale and his lips were chapped and even his posture was slouchy.

“Of course not. I baked some cookies…myself…I hope you like them.”

“Well, that was nice of you. Thank you!” He popped off the lid from the tin box with a wide smile on his face. When he saw the amount of cookies, his smile dropped. “What the heck. Only three cookies?”

Nadine was already in a fit of giggles. “I’m sorry. I asked the nurse, and she said the most you could have are three.” He raised his brows in agitation at the nurses rules and then chomped on his cookie.

“That nurse of mine is so annoying. She’s got all these rules and shit…then again, I shouldn’t complain cause she’s right…I can’t digest it right…cause of the tumor around my pancreas. Plus with the radiotherapy I don’t get hungry.”

“So does that hurt?” Nadine blurted out the question, before she could even stop herself.

“No. The pain and all other crap comes afterwards. I get tired and cranky…sometimes I forget things. Depends on the day and my mood. It sucks, but I‘m hoping that at some point it will all be over, whether it‘s because the cancer is gone or because I‘m dead.”

He gave her a weak smile and she returned the gesture, feeling horrible for him. She watched as he turned back around to face the grand piano in the corner of his room. His stubby fingers stroked each key with ease and the words to ‘I’ll Never Break Your Heart’ floated out of his mouth. Nadine’s heart fluttered as she heard the song. First, because of the song being one of the Backstreet Boys classic songs. Secondly, he sounded amazing.

She was tempted to ask him, if he really believed that she didn’t know who he was. Why was he hiding away from everyone? But she opted to mind her own business and listen to the sound of his voice and the piano.

To his misfortune the nurse came back and stood in the doorway. “Richardson…”

His eyes darted over to me and he looked up at the nurse with a glare. “Scott…it’s Scott.”

The nurse rolled her eyes and corrected herself. It seemed like she was tired of pretending. She grunted and motioned him with her head. They both stood up and followed her.

“You’ll have to stay here and wait for him.”

“No she doesn’t. Let her come with me. Please…you owe me.” He pointed playfully at the serious woman.

“How do you know she wants to see this? I’m ok with it, but you have to make sure she will be too…” She walked into the room and left them standing outside.

Scott looked down at the floor and then up at Nadine. “I…have a Port-a-cath in my chest and she inserts a needle there and I sit there and wait. It’s kinda freaky for someone when it’s the first time seeing it. I forgot…you don’t have to come.”

Nadine would have liked to say no, the last thing she wanted was to see a tube in his chest and needles, but she knew he wanted her to come in with him. She nodded. “It’s ok. I can handle it.” He nodded and they both entered the room.

The next day Nadine noticed that people were everywhere. She looked at Melody confused. “What’s going on?”

“It’s family day…visitors come.”

Nadine shook her head still confused, “I thought they could come at anytime?”

Melody smiled “Yeah they can, but today is special because they have brunch in the cafeteria. EVERYONE” Now she shook her head

“Then maybe I should go home…”

She began to walk back as she opened the door she slammed into someone knocking her over. “Oh shit! Are you ok?”

She heard someone say as she dusted herself off not looking at who stood in front of her, “Yes you idi…” her mouth dropped as she stared into a pair of beautiful brown eyes.

“I know I’m an idiot, sorry!”

Instantly, she was flushed with embarrassment. “Oh I’m sorry it was just an impulse. You must be here to see Kevin…I mean Scott!”

The man chuckled “As much as he thought you were clueless. I’m AJ by the way.”

“Yeah! I know.” She beamed.

“Come on you have to meet everyone…” He pulled her down the hall. “I can’t believe that you were trying to sneak out of here without seeing him”

Nadine shrugged and felt her stomach coil as she entered the crowded room. All eyes fell on her and she felt she might pass out.

“Are you ok cutie?“ AJ asked as he flashed her a smile.

“Yeah sorry, you guys…” Nadine wasn’t sure if she should squeal out that she knew they were the Backstreet Boys or just play along. Her eyes fell upon Scott who sat watching her with his green eyes. “Uh…you must be his friends?”

They all nodded with wide grins.

“I’m Brian” The familiar blonde shook her hand.

“I’m Nick” The taller blonde flashed a playful smile.

“And I’m Howie” He winked.

The minute she saw him the first day she knew who he was, but never did she imagine she’d be standing in the same room with the whole group.

“Uh it’s nice to meet you guys…”

“I thought you might not come today.” Scott commented.

“No one told me it was family day. I’m sorry, maybe I should go.”

“What? No way. Just don’t pay attention to the grouch.”

Nadine was still a little surprised, so she decided to take a bathroom break.

As soon as she was out of sight, AJ let out a whistle. “Damn she is a fox…wish someone like that was taking care of me.” he laughed.

“Yeah I agree!” Nick added.

Scott sighed “I don’t think this was a good idea. You bringing her here, you should have let her go if she was leaving. Now she knows who I am…you saw her face.” He sat down disappointed

“Uh, I don’t think the girl is stupid! She knew who you were from the beginning.” Brian blurted a little annoyed by his cousin. Scott looked at him confused.

“Hey man who cares if she knows…the whole damn world should know already.” Nick crossed his arms with a pout.

Howie patted Scott’s shoulder, “Yeah the media is killing us…I mean you’ve been out the group for almost six months and they are still trying to figure out where the heck you went.”

Scott stood up angrily “Well there going to have to keep looking, cause I’m not going public…and I’m hoping she doesn’t either.”

They all nodded their heads in disagreement as Scotts mother waltzed in. The whole room went silent instantly. “Did I walk in on a secret…?” She kissed Scott on the cheek and continued with the rest of the guys.

“Hi mom…we were just talking about how shitty this place is.” Scott faked a smile.

She chuckled “Hun I know your never going to get used to this whole thing, but I can’t keep up with you at home. Now were is that girl you’re always talking about.”

He laughed nervously as the rest of the guys smiled “I do not talk about her…”

“Hey guys I’m back…” she wiped her hands on her jeans as silence filled the room again, everyone was back to looking at her.

“Nadine, this is my mother”

The woman walked over to Nadine and embraced her tight. “Oh you are doing a wonderful job with this man…he seems a little less grouchier than usual.” she teased Scott. He groaned.

The afternoon went by fast and before they knew it, his mother had left and the rest were still outside in the picnic area sitting at a picnic table still chatting.

“So you got a boyfriend Nadine?” AJ asked.

She looked around the table, “No…don’t have time for that.” .

“Ooh you still have a chance man.“ Nick teased AJ making him blush.

“So you should come down to Florida with us next week. We are gonna stay at my beach house for a week! Kevin will be done with Radiotherapy by then.” Nick blurted, he flashed a confused smile after getting Brian's elbow in his side.

“Oh wow! Florida? I don’t think that---” she began, but was cut off by Scott.

“We understand if you can’t go…”

“Well I didn’t say that I couldn’t…but if you don’t want me to…”

He now looked down guiltily, “No…I didn’t mean it that way…”

“Kevin…oops I mean Scott has a problem with making up his mind.” Kevin glared at AJ and his big mouth, but AJ ignored him and continued on. “We will pay for everything. Right guys?” He insisted as they all looked at each other and nodded in unison.

“In all truth, it would do Scott well if you are there.” Brian added.

“Well if it’s ok with Scott?” She commented and all eyes fell upon him.

He didn't seem too convinced about Nadine joining them in Florida. Then again she did lift his spirits when seh was around. He nodded as he glared at the rest of the guys

“Yeah sure!"

Nadine stepped out of the taxi, dragging her luggage across the LAX; her stomach flipped a couple of times. She hadn’t flown in so long, not to mention with five guys.

“Hey there” A tall man with sunglasses, a cap and a trench coat talked to her. She stood trying to make out who was talking to her. “Bullshit you don’t recognize me”

“Well as a matter of a fact no…there isn‘t much of you to see. Not to mention those sunglasses are as tinted as a gangsters car. What are you doing?” she stood confused waiting for his answer.

“Look I know that you know who I am, but I really don’t want the whole world to know that Kevin Richardson is dying…”

“Kevin…I mean Scott…” Her hands flew to her mouth.

“See your going to open that mouth of yours and your going to put my face all over the tabloids!”

She poked his chest, “Excuse me, your the one yelling out your name...if I wanted to do that I would of since the first day I saw you. I‘m not an idiot…I’m discrete. So, how about from now on we cut the crap with Scott…because it‘s so freakin confusing. I‘m calling you, your name…Kevin.”

The other four guys came strolling up to the heated twosome. They all looked at each other and then from Kevin to Nadine.

“Fine!” Kevin huffed.

“Hey there” AJ wrapped his arm around Nadine’s neck.

“Hi. Are you always this sly?” She pushed away slowly.

“Yes he is! Do you have to hit on every girl that you meet?” Kevin exclaimed as he stared at AJ.

“I sense some tension in the air!” Nick said stuffing a piece of gum in his mouth. “I just hate that ear popping. Gum anyone?”

The flight was pretty quiet. Nadine sat next to Scott, who fell into a deep sleep right away. She found herself staring at him. His face had gained some color back and his lips were…well they were tempting. Her thoughts were broken by the flight attendant announcing their arrival.

Nadine’s eyes sparkled as she looked at the beautiful house. The beach was only a few feet away. “Oh my god this is a mansion Nick!”

They snickered, “Well not a mansion but it’s pretty big. Come lets check out the beach” He turned to look at his tired friend “You coming?”

“I think I’m going to continue my nap guys, I gotta take my medication anyways.” He began for his usual room upstairs.

“Hey do you need my help?” Nadine asked with a smile.

“Uh no…just go have fun…you came to have fun!” Kevin dimly remarked and closed the door behind him. He stood on the balcony as he watched the others run around playing in the sand.

His eyes fixed on Nadine who seemed so happy as the water splashed at her feet. Discontent he looked at the pills in his hand and popped them in his mouth, chasing them down with a glass of water. He laid down on his bed and continued to think about her.

She makes me laugh, her eyes sparkle when she looks at me...no Kevin...you can't feel for anyone...you don't have much time. There is no time.

He closed his eyes and fell asleep.

Back at the beach AJ and Nadine sat observing the sunset. “So what is up with you and Kevin…?”

She looked at AJ puzzled, “What do you mean?”

“I mean are you an item, or is it strictly business?”

“I was assigned to Kevin randomly. After almost three weeks he’s finally opening up to me. So, I’m just a friend…a simple friend who is helping him cope. Why do you ask?”

AJ smiled, “Cause I think your incredible.”

She grinned bashfully, “AJ, you’ve only known me for a couple of hours…”

“Hey you two how is it going? Nadine I need to speak to you please…” Brian interrupted the twosome.

“Sure Brian” Nadine stood up and dusted herself off and followed him into the house.

“What’s wrong?“ She asked concerned.

“Well I just…I think that you shouldn’t really…uh…get too close to AJ”

The request baffled her. “Ok…um…is something wrong?”

“Hey what ya’ll being so secretive about?” Kevin interrupted the conversation. Brian and Nadine looked at each other, quietly agreeing to keep him out of the loop.

“Oh I was just telling Nadine that you look better.”

Kevin smiled weakly, “Oh!”

Nick approached the group. “Hey I’ve decided to have a party tomorrow guys. Ok with you?”

They all nodded, but turned to look at Kevin.

It irritated him when they looked at him with those 'feel sorry for the sick guy' eyes. 'I can't promise I'll be up to participating. But it's ok with me."

Everyone headed to bed, except for Nadine and Kevin. Who stayed behind standing outside watching the waves crash into each other.

“So how was your day with AJ?“

She smiled sensing jealousy in his voice. “Good, he thinks he's pretty slick. He's in for a suprise cause I’m not falling for it. How about you, how was your nap?“

He sighed, remembering he had thought about her more than he had slept. “Good…” the twosome had made it to the hallway where her room was. They stood in awkward silence.  “Well I guess I should let you get to bed, especially, if there is going to be a party here these guys are gonna be up early.”

She smiled at his aggravation “Don’t be so grouchy…enjoy yourself…tomorrow we are taking a walk…” Her hand slid down his chest. “Now get some more sleep.” She leaned in and kissed his cheek, then headed to her room.

Kevin watched as she disappeared into her room.

The next morning while the guys were into preparing for the party, Nadine and Kevin took a walk on the beach. “It’s beautiful out here. He is so lucky to live only feet away from this endless monster.”

He smirked, “Monster?”

She giggled, “Well as beautiful as the beach is…it’s…dangerous therefore, it’s a monster.” Kevin came to a an abrupt stop, clutching his stomach. “Are you ok?”

He took a deep breath. “Yeah, I’m fine. Let’s just go back ok.” she agreed with no hesitation.

A couple of hours later Nadine walked slowly into the room Kevin was waiting for her with a checker game. “Hey look I thought I would kick your butt at checkers…” he looked at Nadine’s sour face. “What is something wrong?”

“Kevin, you can’t always be hiding. You have to come out…have some fun.”

He stood up, “You’re right I’m being selfish. Like you want to sit here and play checkers with the sick guy, when there is a party going on.”

“It’s not that, it’s just that I hate to see that you waste the time you have left moping around.”

He smirked angrily “Easy for you to say…your not fucking dying are you?”

Nadine felt a lump grow in her throat “Do you have to be so nasty about everything?” He was back to his mood swings. “I think you should get ready and come downstiars to join the p---”

“Go…go away! Go have fun with AJ…He’s got all the time in the world.” He jammed the game into the box.

“Why aren’t you listening to me? I want you to come with--” he interrupted her again.

“I said…GO!” He turned off his light and walked out to the balcony. She walked out aggrevated at how difficult and childish Kevin could be. 

“Hey there I’ve been looking…” AJ saw the distressed look on Nadine's face. “Are you ok?”

Nadine forced a smile. “Yeah. Has he always been this difficult?”

AJ sighed heavily “Uh…yeah. Well not bitter…kinda like the dad of the group. He used to look after all of us. I think that’s what kills him now, that, it’s the other way around. Ever since he was diagnosed he just turned really bitter. Angry at everyone. But listen don’t let him get to you…lets go have a rainbow shot!”

She thought about what Brian had said, but AJ seemed harmless to her. Plus, he was the only one into her. So she took hold of his hand and they made it to the bar. “What in the world is a rainbow shot?”

“Well it’s a little bit of everything…but I call it that cause it changes colors…I know I’m a drunkie.” They both laughed. Although she knew that it wasn’t really that funny. He’d had a lot of problems with substance abuse and alcoholism. Now, here he was getting hammered. With her.

They gulped down the shots, “Not bad” she gasped as the liquor burned her throat.

A total of five shots and a couple of Martini’s later the twosome slurred. “So you never answered my question?” Most of the guest had already left and Kevin had never bothered to show his face. Nadine was leaned against the wall and AJ had locked her between his arms.

“What question?” She stared into his big brown eyes.

“The one…about you…and you know…”

She began to laugh hysterically, “You don’t even know what to call him…Scott…Kevin…” She continued her laughter as he placed his hand over her mouth “Sssh you’ll wake him up!”

Kevin laid in bed, he could hear voices downstairs, but couldn’t make out who the hell it was. He was getting annoyed the pain in his back and stomach where killing him and he felt nauseous. Maybe I should get a drink of water and shut whoever is out there the hell up…he sat up in his bed.

Now the twosome were extremely close and after a minute of laughter the hall became awkwardly quiet as they gazed into each others eyes. Suddenly AJ placed his lips on Nadine’s and she went along with it. Almost instantly his hands began to roam up her shirt making her uncomfortable, she pushed him away.

“AJ…what are you doing?”

Kevin still sat up but now his thoughts of a glass of water turned into thoughts of how mean he had been to Nadine. Maybe I should go and apologize. This time he walked right out to the hall no one was in sight. Down the stairs, no one. But he could still hear voices, now they were coming from the bathroom.

As he got closer to the bathroom his heart pounded fast, the voices were AJ and Nadine’s. Should I go in. No…what if I don’t like what I see. But he walked in and he found Nadine hunched over the toilet with AJ holding her hair.

“Wow…is she ok?” Kevin asked alarmed. AJ gave him a look as he pointed to his shirt covered in vomit. “I’ll take it from here.”

After what seemed like an eternity to Nadine she popped her head up and met Scott’s eyes. “Hi” She smiled clumsily.

Although she was a mess, she seemed so beautiful to him. “Are you done?” He asked as he rubbed her back.

“Yeah.” She answered with a deep sigh. He helped her up to wash her face. “Everything is spinning” Her body fell back, but Kevin was quick to catch her.

“Ok let’s get to your room ok.” He aided her to her room and she took a seat on the bed. “You should get into bed. Come on.” He tried pushing her back gently.

“Wait I can’t sleep…not like this…” Her incomplete sentences made Kevin laugh. She stood up and grabbed a shirt resting on a chair and took her shirt off.

“What are you doing?” His eyes sprang open as he watched Nadine in her bra, struggle to find the holes to her shirt. Although he was slightly embarrassed for her, he was fascinated by what he saw. It’d been a really long time since he’d seen a woman half naked.

After her exposure she curled up on the bed while he tucked her in. “Alright now get some sleep, cause you have a sure headache awaiting you in the morning.” He began for the door.

“Wait” She shouted in a panic. “Stay with me. The whole room is spinning.”

He felt a flush through his body, “Uh I don’t think so, the guys might get the wrong impression.”

She gazed up at him “Just please stay here with me.”

Hesitantly he laid next to her, feeling his heart pounding forcefully in his chest. The warmth of her body against his made the pounding even faster.

She grabbed his hands and placed them around her waist, she could feel the warmth of his body against hers and she was enjoying it. “Can you sing to me…?”

He cleared his throat and shifted. “I don’t really sing anymore?”

“You sang the other day.” She insisted, “Anyways, you’re only singing to me.”

z88;

He leaned towards her ear and took a deep breath. “Fine…It’s not that I can’t live without you. It’s just that I don’t even want to try…every night I dream about you, ever since the day you said good bye…give me one more chance to give my love to you, cause no one else loves you like I do.”

She turned to look at him her eyes glossy, the room was silent, peacefully silent as the two looked deeply into each others eyes. “Did you write that song for your wife?”

“WHAT?”

The next day she woke to the feeling of pounding on her temples. Forcefully she opened her eyes and found herself resting her head on KEvin's chest. His arms wrapped around her waist in a tight grip. It felt so nice to have body contact with someone. Only god knew how long it had been since she was held by a man. She managed to break free from his hold and sat up on the bed.

Once again she found herself gazing at him sound asleep and wondering how it would feel to kiss his lips. Nadine looked around the room and drew close; she was there ready to kiss him when suddenly he opened his eyes.

“Why are you staring at me?” He smiled.

She screeched with horror as she fell back and off the bed.

“Oh crap!” Scott squirmed with laughter.

“That’s not funny…you almost gave me a heart attack. And I wasn’t staring at you” She stood up and crossed her arms with a pout.

The shirt didn’t cover much and was exposing her bare thighs. He tried to focus on her face, however his eyes kept shifting back to her thighs as he continued to laugh uncontrollably. “You should have seen your feet flying…up…” 

“Well I’m glad that my clumsiness entertains you.” Now they both laughed. She was happy to see him smile.

After her more than embarrassing display earlier that morning, she met up with the rest of the guys at the pier. Scott was nowhere in sight.

“Hey I was looking for you this morning…” AJ whispered into her ear.

“Oh…I was with Kevin…” she blurted a little louder than she would of wanted to.

“So, I wonder what this is all about anyway. It’s 10 in the morning and I am half asleep." Nick whined.

"I‘m good as long as it has nothing to do with this boat.” AJ asked forgetting his conversation with Nadine.

“Guys just stop nagging your making me nervous” Howie bit his nails.

“Ya’ll know that if Kevin wants us here so early he has his reasons…let’s just be patient.” Brian took a seat on the side of the pier his feet dangling over the ocean, the others mimicked him.

A couple of minutes later Kevin stepped out of the boat that floated in front of them. “What in the hell…you were in there the whole time.?” AJ asked trying to recall if he had said anything incriminating.

“Well let’s get on the boat and I will tell you what I have to tell you.”

Howie stepped on first “Kevin…your really worrying me” He was followed by Brian and then Nick.

AJ and Nadine looked at each other concerned, “Well ladies first…” AJ mockingly bowed.

“Uh…well I don’t know…I’m not to fond of boats…” Nadine stepped back, they all laughed.

“Neither am I…hey I’m staying on the ground…you can tell me that something important down here.” Nadine agreed with a nod, but gave in with Kevin's stern look. They both climbed into the boat and took a seat right away.

Brian seemed worried, “what’s going on cuz…is everything alright?”

Kevin took a deep breath and stood up. “I’ve decided not to go back to the hospice.”

Everyone’s mouth dropped in awe, “But…you need their help, you can’t just be out here with no medication or someone to look over you.” Brian exclaimed standing next to him.

“Have you lost your brain cells too?” AJ commented, “No offense but I’ve heard that after a lot of X-rays things start to die.”

Howie rolled his eyes “AJ please say that sentence in your head again and notice it makes no sense.” AJ paused as if he was really doing what Howie asked him, Nadine felt a tickle of laughter in her throat but swallowed it, it wasn’t the time for laughing.

“Uh…Kevin…” She stood up in frustration, “Staying here and ignoring what is going on will not change your situation and you not returning to the hospice is insane…” She noticed that Kevin was glaring at her and his jaw was clenched in anger.

“Nothing or no one can change my situation, but it’s my fucking choice what I want to do with what little time I have to live.”

Nadine smirked. “You know, you seemed so strong and fearless when I used to see you on TV. Yet, now that I know you, you’re the biggest coward I’ve ever met. Is this your idea of hiding away? Avoiding what you have?” Everyone stared at him in silence, waiting for him to lash out.

“So what if it is."

"It's not your smartest move. I don't agree with you on this."

"Well I don’t care if you agree or not. I really don't need your consent to do anything…the choice is between me and my family. You are nobody here…and quiet frankly I don’t give a damn about your opinion. If you don’t like my decision you can always go back home.”

Nadine looked up at him in awe. The pain apparent in her eyes. “Fine. You're right who the hell am I to worry about you. I should go pack my things." She turned around hopped out of the boat and began her way back to the house.

“What the hell are you doing, you grouch…” AJ blurted as Howie whacked him in the stomach.

“Kevin…aren’t you being a little unreasonable. We are all worried about your decision. Right guys?” Howie spoke up.

They all looked at each other “It’s really dangerous cuz…I don’t know. As for Nadine, you shouldn’t be so rough on her, your illness affects her to you know. She's really made a difference since she came into your life and she doesn't deserve to be treated like that. Now I suggest that you run after her and apologize…I know uncle Jerald didn’t teach you to treat girls like that.” Kevin paused for a second and looked back at Nadine who was storming towards the house.

He sighed heavily and walked as fast as his pain would let him. “Nadine…” He shouted, but she didn't turn back. “Would you stop! I’m sorry ok!”

She entered the house and he finally caught up with her, just as she spun around to face him. “Your so fucking selfish. Just because you’re the one that’s sick…you think you’re the…“ she choked on her words. “only one affected…well you’re wrong.”

“I didn’t know that you cared so much…I…” He took a few steps closer and was now face to face with her. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said those things..."

A knock at the door startled the twosome, but Kevin didn’t move. The knock was persistent enough to make Nadine walk away from Kevin to open the door. He walked behind her watching as she wiped the tears from her eyes and swung the door open.

“Hi. Is Kevin here?” The blonde woman was tall and had a broad smile on her face. Nadine turned to look at Kevin, who seemed shocked at who he saw.

“Yes, he‘s here. Come in. You must be his wife?” Nadine tried to smile as they all looked at each other.

Nadine made her way to her room and sat on the bed, she let out a heavy sigh as she looked out the window. She wiped at her face frustrated by her situation; she wondered for a minute how she had gotten into such a mess. There was an easy solution to the problem; it was to pack her bags and leave. She stood up and was startled to see Kevin standing next to her.

“I’m really sorry about the way I talked to you out there…” she looked at nothing as he waited for her response.

“As I told you before you are being selfish…you think this whole thing only affects you. You are so wrong…it affects your mother, reason for her putting you in the hospice. It affects the guys, because you’ve taken a part of them away. And…now…it affects me too.” Silence filled the room. “That’s why I’m leaving.” She walked towards the closet.

“Wait please.” Kevin gently grabbed her arm and pulled her towards him, they stood face to face once again. She felt her stomach flip a couple of times as she looked into his sad green eyes, all she really wanted was to hug him. If it was possible give up her life for his.

As he drew near, she closed her eyes and waited for that so desired kiss from him. It never came, because the moment she’d been longing for was once again interrupted.

“What’s going on in here?” The blonde stood in the doorway.

The twosome quickly moved away from each other. “There is nothing going on. I'm a volunteer and my time with Mr. Richardson is up.”

“Amanda this is Nadine, she’s a volunteer for the hospice.”

Amanda raised her brows, “She’s a bit far from the hospice wouldn’t you say.” She folded her arms over her chest and gawked at Nadine.

“Actually, AJ is the one that invited me.”

“Figures. Oh Kevin I've really missed you. We have a lot to catch up on, you should let her finish gathering her things.”

Nadine looked over at Kevin, who seemed a bit torn by his situation. The Amanda woman had come back, like she’d never left. Was he really going to let her just come back? It made Nadine even more mad. She grabbed her suitcase and started to randomly throw things into it.

“You can’t just leave like that…I wont allow it.”

She didn’t say a word and continued to pack her things. “You have your friends and now…your wife. My assignment is complete since you won't be returning to the hospice.”

Amanda scrunched her nose, “Your mother threw you in a hospice, that's awful. We really need to talk Kevin.” Amanda interrupted again; this time annoying Nadine, who wanted to ask her nicely to shut up.

“Go! You should definitley inform your wife of the crazy decision you‘ve made.”

Amanda looked confused, “What is she talking about Kevin?” She cocked her head to the side waiting for his answer.

He let out a defeated sigh, “How about I tell you over coffee.” Kevin looked back at Nadine, but she didn’t look up and continued to pack.

The rest of the guys came waltzing through the door and were startled to see Kevin having a cup of coffee with Amanda.

“What the hell are you doing here?” AJ blurted nastily.

“Wow it’s nice to see you guys too.” She giggled nervously.

“What brings you here Amanda?” Brian asked.

She took a deep breath. “Well I heard that Kevin was here so decided to come and see him. Actually, your mother sent me. When we separated she called me to beg for me to come back…Kevin I was overwhelmed with what was happening to you. But I’m ready to help you.”

The guys all looked at each other in silence, they weren’t buying it. Amanda was the type of woman to run off as soon as things got rough. She’d obviously done it twice before.

Nadine’s bag crashing on the floor startled the everyone.

“What in the world are you doing? We aren’t going home yet!” AJ exclaimed.

“Well I am…” she looked at Kevin.

“Wait! Can everyone just calm down." Kevin stood up his voice high. "You guys didn’t even give me a chance to tell you why I didn’t want to go back to the hospice. It wasn’t exactly to sit here and wither away. We were supposed to have an album coming out…and I was thinking that we should just continue with it. It’d be the last album for us as a group. I was going to rent a house out in Hollywood so that we could all stay there and work hard…I can get a nurse…but I need you guys there.”

Everyone in the room looked at each other for reassurance.

“That’s not a bad idea.” Nick smiled already convinced.

“Come on guys this is my last chance…I really want to give back to the fans…and Nadine I really need you there. I promise that I’ll let the whole world know what’s going on with me.” Nadine looked at Amanda who seemed really confused and slightly jealous.

“What about Chemo you are supposed to start that back up next week?” Nadine questioned.

He looked at her with a grin, “I promise that I will have someone come down and do it for me…but working on the album will help me…at least to get my mind off the fact that I‘m dying.”

Brian nodded. AJ nodded. Nick and Howie nodded. They all turned to look at Nadine waiting for her response. After a moment of silence, she smiled widely and nodded.

Kevin walked over to her and they embraced tightly.

“What about me?” Amanda asked feeling left out.

Three days later the group arrived at the house that Kevin had rented. It was a beautiful house up in the hills, way larger than what Nadine was used to. A big pool was nestled in the backyard and the trees almost hugged the sides of the house.

She entered her room and gasped at the sight of the balcony that overlooked the city. “Oh my god this place is amazing.”

“I knew you would like it!” Kevin joined her on the balcony.

“It is Kevin…I’ve never seen the city this close in my life.” He stared out into the distance.

She looked at him a little concerned, “You’re nervous aren’t you? You look like your going to be sick all over the place!” Nadine touched his forehead. “You’ve got a fever”

He gently grabbed her hand. “I’m fine Nadine…really?”

“That’s what you always say and what happened on the flight.” She continued to ramble on, but he wasn’t paying any attention to what she was saying. He was just watching her mouth move, now, he was the one wondering what it would be like to kiss her.

“Hello are you listening to me…” she waved her hand in his face. “You have to take care of yourself if you really want to do this…”

He shook his head like a little boy, “I will. I promise.” with that said he exited the room. When he entered the living room he found the rest of the guys still exploring the place.

Brian inspected his cousin. “Hey there cuz are you ok? You look like--”

Kevin cut Brian off ,“I’m going to be sick right? Well I’m not…it’s just I’m a little nervous about this decision…I’m not sure I want to go public…”

They all looked at each other with concern. “Oh Kevin you can’t change your mind now…it’s only the right thing to do.” Amanda said as she set her suitcase down, they were all surprised to see her standing in the doorway.

“Yeah like you know anything about what he‘s gone through.” AJ muttered.

“I still don’t understand why you invited her here…she’s a pain in the…” Nick added still in a whisper.

“Please guys…she wanted to come, and we are going to give her a second chance…now can someone show her to her room.” All four guys stood around looking at each others faces, waiting for the courageous one to volunteer.

“It’s ok I’ll show her” Nadine appeared from the hallway. “Come on Amanda your room is down the hall…” Amanda didn’t even speak to her and just followed silently.

The two women entered the room, Amanda set her things on her bed. “Well enjoy…” She tried to sound courteous, but the truth was that Amanda got on her last nerve. She began to close the door.

“He’ll never go for you…not while I’m around…you might as well just leave…he has me now.” She violently spoke.

Which made Nadine laugh out loud. “Right…like you’re so reliable. Will you still be here when the reporters start stalking you and hounding you about him? When they start saying nasty and mean things about him or you? When his hair falls out and he can‘t even get up on his own? If you are going to be here then you have room to talk to me like that, but you ran from it once, you’ll leave again. So, when you do…I will be here.” She slammed the door. Amanda just huffed as she threw herself on the bed angrily.

~~~~~

A few days later, everything had been set up for the long awaited interview with Kevin. They’d picked a reporter, Emily Pines, from VHI to interview them, she’d been sworn to secrecy, but they weren’t too convinced it would stay that way once she left.

Nadine fixed Kevin’s tie as he breathed in, “It’s going to be ok…your just going to be truthful…don’t say more than you want to…they don’t need all the details of your life.”

He suddenly embraced her tight and she comfortably wrapped her arms around him. “Thanks.” His lips brushed against her ear and then he leaned over a huge flower pot in the corner of the room.

“Well this time I didn’t see that coming.” Nadine joked as she patted his back and handed him a napkin. “It’s going to be fine Kevin!” She tried smiling reassuringly, but deep down she was just as nervous.

He nodded and took a deep breath as he headed down to the living room to meet the reporters and the rest of guys.

“Hey man we thought you had changed your mind already…come take a seat” Brian patted the empty space next to him.

Kevin took a seat as he got a glimpse of Nadine flashing him a smile from the kitchen, but it was blurred by the wave of Amanda on the opposite side.

“So which one are you going to choose man…cause they both got it bad for you…” AJ murmured as he nudged Kevin in the side.

“Would you leave him alone guys, he’s nervous enough” Brian glared at the guys that kept snickering.

Suddenly the cameras were on and the reporters where more than ready to disturb Kevin with their ridiculous questions. For what felt forever Kevin sat through the whole interview. Answering question after questions; sometimes he didn’t have the answer, so one of the guys would cut in to rescue him.

As it came to an end there was a knock at the door and Nadine happily opened, but her smile was wiped off as she saw the nurse with all of her equipment standing in the doorway.

“Come in” Nadine welcomed her in.

“Thank you. I‘m Lori, I’m here for the chemo for Kevin Richardson…” she entered the house and looked around.

“Oh yeah…come I will show you to the room.” Nurse Lori followed Nadine down the hall and into Kevin’s room. They had ordered a comfortable reclining chair for him and set it in the corner of his room. Nurse Lori quickly got to work with setting up everything else.

“Does that hurt him?” Nadine asked.

The nurse smiled as she looked at Nadine’s worried face, “Well it does and it will make him very uncomfortable but after the third day his body will be adjusted…I heard he is recording an album…the first days it might be hell…but he will be good after.” The nurse hoped to calm Nadine with a wide smile.

It really didn’t work. Nadine knew that Kevin was going to go through hell very soon.

Nurse Lori wasn’t kidding about it being hell the first couple of days. As much as Kevin tried to be in the studio he kept running off to throw up.

“Are you ok?“ Nadine asked Kevin who bent over the toilet.

“Does it look like I’m ok…Nadine? Just get out, ok.”

She shook her head and walked out. At night she could hear him in the bathroom letting it all out. They all tried to help him, but all he did was kick everyone out. It was hard for her to resist helping him, but she did; it was obvious he didn’t want her help at the time.

One of those days she entered the room anyway. “Kevin?” She called out softly. Her eyes scanned the room and she saw the bathroom light on. “Kevin are you ok?” She asked as she finished opening the door.

“Yeah I’m fine.” He croaked before rinsing out his mouth. “What do you want?” He asked walking past her.

“Well first of all, I just wanted to know if your ok? i'm not understanding why be so nasty to everyone, when all we want to do is help you and be with you through this difficult time. There is really no point to be here if you don't need or want my help, Kevin.” Nadine bit her lip in an attempt to control her emotions.

He sighed heavily, “I’m sorry…it’s just that this isn’t an easy time for me ok.” He sat on the corner of the bed his face in his hands, “I just can’t stand this…it’s no use…I’m going to die anyway. It's so damn stupid to torture myself and everyone else with this fucking chemo.”

Nadine drew close. “No your not…your going to record that album and all this torture with the chemo is going to pay off and you're going to be ok.” She smiled as his sad eyes met with hers. His hands cupped her face and he leaned in taking her by surprise his lips met with hers. 

They had moved onto the bed and Kevin was on top of her. Neither one of them worried about someone walking in on them. It didn’t really matter at the time. His shirt was off and his hands were up her shirt.

Her hands ran slowly over his chest and her fingers caressed the lump where his catheter was placed. Her hands continued down to his pants; she unbuttoned and then unzipped them.

Suddenly Kevin stopped and sprung up off the bed. 

“I can’t do this Nadine.”

“What are you talking about? It‘s ok…I want to.” She smiled pulling him back down towards her.

He looked around a little disorientated. “No really I can’t…I have to go.”

Nadine stood up and headed to her balcony. “Wow, here I am throwing myself at you and you turn me down.”

He looked enraged. “Yeah, I’m sorry…but I can’t.”

Nadine smacked him on the arm and pushed him out. “Get out of my room…” and with that she slammed the door in his face. Kevin stood outside the room with his shirt in hand; just as AJ and Howie walked by they both shrugged with a grin.

“Pissed at you again…that’s bad.” AJ snickered as he headed to the pool.

Later that evening Nick and AJ decided that it was time to take a break and they invited a few people over. Kevin didn’t engage in the celebration, he just watched from the couch trying to pretend to listen to Amanda. When all along his eyes were on AJ and Nick fooling around with half drunk Nadine.

“So why are you drinking now Nadine?” AJ asked as he took a gulp of his unknown drink.

She sighed as she caught a glimpse of Kevin staring at her, “It’s your bandmate, he drives me crazy. He is just too difficult and he drives people to drink.” they both laughed and she joined in.

It was late and Brian, Howie, Kevin and Amanda had called it a day, but AJ, Nadine, Nick and some other friends were still enjoying the night and drinks. Nadine felt a little flustered and dizzy.

“Hey there sweetie your not looking so good…let me help you to your room.” She smiled and hopped into the arms that were extended.

As he laid her down she stared into his eyes, it might have been the alcohol and the turn down by Kevin which made it so tempting to kiss the face she coudln't really make out at the time. 

The next morning she groaned feeling like someone had taken a hammer to her head. But nothing prepared her for what she was going to see next. She sat up and turned to look next to her, there he laid his lower body only covered by her sheet.

“Holy shit!”

Her ‘Holy shit’ was enough to wake him up and send him into a frenzy. They fought for the sheet, until he picked up his pants and threw them on. “What the hell is going on? Oh fuck. Nadine tell me no?”

Nadine just shrugged, as far as she could see, she was only wearing her sheet. She got up and wrapped the sheet around her, while he buttoned up his pants. They were looking at each other trying to figure out what the hell was going; when the door flew open making them both jump.

“Nadine I wanted…to…” Nadine’s eyes sprang open and was devastated by the pain stricken face that Kevin made.

“Hey…maaaan…how’s it going?”

“Well I see that you found someone to do what I couldn’t.” He blurted.

Nadine held her sheet, “Wait it’s not what you think…”

“Right” Kevin laughed as he looked at her sheet, “Hey Nick, I hope you were able to satisfy her.” Nick stood frozen, speechless.

“Kevin please wait…” Nadine walked towards him, but this time he slammed the door in her face.

“Nadine…how did this happen? He is never going to forgive me…never…he’s going to hate me forever now. Well for the time he has.”

Nadine shot him a glare for his comment. “Very funny Nick…I can’t believe this…” She slumped back onto the bed.

Nick took a seat next to her, “You think he will tell the rest of the guys?”

That was the last thing on her mind. She didn’t really care. “I don’t know…who cares.” She whispered heading to the bathroom.

When she came back out, Nick was gone and she couldn't find the courage to head outside and see anyone’s face. After a pep talk about how she lived there and couldn’t hide all day, she took a deep breathe and headed outside. Luckily the first person she saw was Brian, who smiled widely at her. He doesn’t know…he’s smiling…or maybe he knows and that IS why he’s smiling

“Good morning sweetness how did you sleep?”

Is that a joke? Nadine stuttered a little but managed to speak clearly, “Uh fine thanks…how about you?”

Brian smiled once again “Great thanks…went to bed early. I bet you got a hangover…I heard by AJ that Nick had to carry you to the room.”

The color drained from Nadine’s face, “Yeah he did…but then I slept like a log.”

The conversation was interrupted by the rest of the guys including Nick that were heading downstairs to the studio.

They all stopped “Hey nice to see you better…Nick had to help you out last night.” AJ smiled, as he was cut off by Kevin.

“He did more than that…I’ll meet you downstairs.” Everyone looked at each other confused as Nadine and Nick blushed.

“Well we are headed to start with the album, your more than welcome to join us.” Brian said as he headed out to join his cousin.

“Hey are you feeling any better?” Nick asked as he patted her shoulder.

“NO…I’m confused, embarrassed and I know that Kevin is beyond pissed at us.”

Nick smirked “Well frankly he has no reason to be mad Nadine…he hasn't stepped up” He followed the rest of the guys.

"SHUT UP!"

Nadine gathered all the guts she had to enter the studio and take a seat next to Amanda; who was all smiles.

“I still need you…I still care about you…Though everything's been said and done…I still feel you like I'm right beside you…But still no word from you” they all sang together.

She was amused at each one of their expressions as they sang with so much passion.

“Now look at me…instead of moving on…I refuse to see” AJ took over with his more than beautiful voice. But Nadine’s concentration was broken as her eyes met with Kevin’s.

She gulped down the nervous knot in her throat, she knew he was bothered by the incident earlier this morning..

As they finished the song they all headed out to join the girls and listen to their finished product. Suddenly Kevin ran off to the bathroom and Nadine fought off the impulse to run after him, but she knew damn well that he didn’t want her close. Instead Amanda got up and followed him.

“Hey listen I have something very important to tell you…” Nick took a seat next to her.

She sighed heavily Oh great what now… “What now Nick…?”

He rolled his eyes “Jeez…Nadine…what I got to tell you is good…” She motioned for him to hurry and speak up. “Well I’ve been having flashbacks of what happened…”

Nadine smacked him “Nick, that isn’t good…”

He smiled wickedly. “Shit maybe not for you…” he laughed out loud, making the rest turn to look at them.

“Would you shut up…and talk…” he cleared his throat as Kevin rejoined the group.

“Ok…I don’t think anything happened last night…well we did make out…cause I remember that…but the thing is that, that idiot over there double dared us to take everything off…” Nadine’s eyes almost shot out her sockets.

AJ approached the twosome, “Hey beautiful…so Nick told me about the incident with Kevin this morning…but listen, according to me nothing happened…I followed Nick to your room and well you guys were making out and all giggles.”

She instantly blushed, ‘three down two to go’, she thought. “Oh god…then what?”

He laughed, at least he was amused “So I interrupted the moment and double dared you both to strip down and go skinny dipping…but one of my hotties called me and well…”

Suddenly he was called over by Brian “Yo you to get your butts over here” he waved

“I’m coming…I’m in the middle of a story…“ AJ turned back around to finish his story. “So I had to go…not even a minute or two later I came in and you were passed out cold on your bed. Nick here was kind enough to cover you up. So I told the idiot to put his clothes back on cause he was blinding me…by the way I used your bathroom…when I came out he was sound asleep right next to you. So, he’s twice my size…I couldn’t even get him to budge…I’m sorry I had to leave him there.”

Nadine grabbed AJ by the arm, “AJ this better not be a bogus story that you are making up to cover the fact that I slept with Nick.”

Nick looked at her a little offended “Damn would it have been that bad woman?”

She turned to smile at him, “No…but you two know that I am only interested in one person and I don’t want him to think I’m a slut…although if I think about it. I’ve made out with half of the backstreet boys!”

"Actually one more than half" AJ grinned, counting himself . Nicks jaw fell wide open, she smacked her forehead.

"Oh my god!"

After a couple more hours in the studio the group called it a day. Kevin still had very long hours ahead of him.

“Hey Lori how is he doing?” she looked at the man fast asleep, with the tubes stuck to his arms and chest.

“Well he was a little out of it today. He has been a little sick to his stomach, but he is doing much better now."

Kevin opened his eyes slowly and was bothered by Nadine’s presence. “What are you doing here?”

She looked at him as nurse Lori made her way out of the room. “I’ll be back Kevin” she shut the door behind her.

“I wanted to talk to you…it’s important that I explain myself.”

He smirked “Listen Nadine quiet frankly I don’t give a shit what you do with your life. Who am I to keep tabs on who you fuck around with.”

Nadine stood next to him, “You don‘t understand. I didn‘t--”

He looked away. “I think you’re time is up. You should go back to school and volunteering. I care too much about you…and quite frankly you are making things complicated for me!” She placed a hand on his chest, but he brushed it away.

“Kevin what are you saying?”

He took a deep breath “I think that you should go back home…it’s better for you and for me.”

“I don’t want to go. It was all a mistake.”

“I need you to GO! I want you to go!” He demanded loudly making her jump.

She pursed her lips and sniffled back the tears that were already running down her face. It hurt to see him so angry. She didn’t know if she could stand being away from him. “Ok. I’ll leave if that is what you want…I will go”

His hands curled into fists and he felt the tears sting his eyes. He couldn’t even respond, because he know that his voice would falter. So, he watched in silence as she trudged out the door.

As the days went by the guys weren’t sure what was making Kevin look more ill, the chemo or not having Nadine around. He was a total grouch and all he did was sit in his room and play the piano or sleep. He didn’t even acknowledge that Amanda was there.

“I can’t believe that you sent her home. I just can’t believe it.” AJ took a seat on the sofa and flipped the pages to a magazine. “Holy shit your in here and damn you look like crap.“ Brian smacked him on the head as Kevin snatched the magazine from his hands.

“Damn it that is why I didn’t want to do it…look at all this crap they are talking about…it’s like their betting on when I’m going to die or something.” He flung the magazine across the room “It’s all her fault!” He stormed off, leaving the guys looking at each other.

“Hi welcome to Denny’s my name is Nadine and I’ll be your --” She was cut off by the blondes sitting in the booth.

“Yes can I get two cups of water and two chef salads hold the ham. Please” They handed the menus back to her as she turned around and mocked them.

“Come on Nadine smile…it’s not that bad right?” An older waitress smiled at Nadine. She looked at her gloomily as she poured water into two different cups. “You have to hang in there, the man will come around.”

Suddenly Sarah came storming into the kitchen, “Holy shit Nadine look at this…” She took the magazine out of her bag and shoved it in Nadine’s face. Her mouth instantly dropped as she saw the different horrible headlines and pictures of Kevin.

“He must really hate me right now…I can’t believe that they would do something like that…it’s like he…he’s dying tomorrow or something.” She grabbed the glasses of water and took them to her table.

“Hey your that girl…the one with the Backstreet Boys…oh my god…like what are you doing working at Denny’s?” The blondes sat their dumbly waiting for an answer.

She smiled and walked away tears now streaming down her face. She entered the kitchen, Sarah and the older lady staring at her. “I can’t do this anymore…I want to be there…and I…I can’t do this…I have to tell him how I feel.” Nadine took off her apron.

Brian entered Kevin’s room “Hey there cuz…” he took a seat next to Kevin who seemed to ignore his presence. “What the heck is going on man? If you really feel something for her you should look for her…I mean…it’s ok to love again Kevin.” he patted him on the back as Kevin turned to look at him.

“I can’t…I’ll just break her heart and mine in the process. I don’t have much time, and if I don’t let her know how I feel…then she’ll just hate me and the pain won’t last that long.”

Brian nodded uncertain of his cousin’s words “Man…your working on this album with us, you’ve got Amanda by your side…for what reason I’m not sure, but she is here, all you need is the girl that you love…for whatever time you DO have. Just think about it…ok…we are heading out to another meeting…we’ll see you when we get back.”

“Oh Sarah I don’t remember what house it is…they all look alike. Wait a minute it’s that one on the corner.” She smiled as she recognized the familiar territory.

“Well good for a second there I thought you were pretending to not know…cause you were chickening out.” Sarah pulled in as a Lincoln pulled out.

“Alright so go and get your prince charming I’ll wait here.”

Nadine exited the car and wiped her sweaty palms on her jeans.

There was a knock at the door “Come in” Kevin yelled as he sat on the end of his bed. His eyes went wide when he saw her standing in the doorway.

“Hi. I came to see how you are doing.”

“Hey there…come on in.”

She took a seat next to him, “I’m sorry about all the thing being said in those magazines Kevin. It’s so horrible to have your life out in the open. That’s why I left the first time…it was just to much to take in you know.”

He smiled at her “Yeah I kind of understand Amanda.”

Nadine knocked on the door as Nurse Lorie opened. “Hey there sweetie, we’ve missed you around here…and between us…so has he.”

Nadine smiled “I miss you guys too. Is he here? I really need to talk to him." She gave Nadine’s shoulder a squeeze and pointed towards his room. "Well he has been really down lately, he’s up in his room…you should go see him.” Nadine nodded as she headed up the stairs.

“Listen I want to make you feel better…” Amanda caressed Kevin’s face as she leaned in, he paused for a second as she reassured him. “It’s ok Kevin…” Slowly she kissed him and it brought all the feelings he’d had for her at one point in his life. That it felt nice to have her lips touching his, although all he could think about was Nadine.

Nadine didn’t bother knocking and just walked in, but as she entered a horrible feeling hit her in the pit of the stomach. “Oh…um…I’m sorry…”

He stood up quickly as he looked at Amanda and then Nadine. Although he was more than happy to see her and pretty saddened by the circumstances, he wanted to stand his ground. “What are you doing here?”

Amanda quickly excused herself.

“Well it’s just that I was coming to…check on you…I read the magazines and the TV is just going crazy…” She wanted to hug him, but she felt angry. What a fool she was to think that he could feel anything for her. “Well I’m doing good as you can see.” He coldly responded, but deep down he just wanted to hug her and let her know that Amanda meant nothing.

She chuckled nervously “Yeah I see that…that’s great…”

He smirked, he was still hurt by what he had seen the last time, “So are you here to see Nick and AJ too…”

Nadine faked a laugh. “Very funny…but nothing happened that night, Kevin. It was all just a misunderstanding.”

Kevin looked away, “Nadine I said it before; it doesn’t matter to me who or what you do.”

She walked over to him and grabbed his arm and spun him around. “Why can’t you just say something nice to me for once…why?” She began to cry.

“That night I really wanted to be with you…but I couldn’t and it didn’t even have anything to do with you…it was me. You want to know the truth? Fine, it’s the chemo, the radiotherapy and all the medication…it doesn’t let me physically function…lately. Happy?”

She was speechless for a bit, “But why didn’t you say anything…”

He looked away again, ashamed of his circumstances. “For what? So you could make fun of me…I don’t think so…but anyways you found someone to do it…”

“Since the first day I met you, you were a big jerk. But, I tolerated it because I knew that deep down inside you were a caring man. I’ve been nothing but nice to you, but all you do is play with my emotions. I can‘t handle it, anymore. I should get going…you look fine to me…” She began to walk out into the hallway.

“Nadine…wait…” Her heart skipped a beat as she heard his voice. Hoping that he was sorry and that he didn’t want her to leave.

“Yes” She turned around to face him.

His face was stern and his voice cold. "Please don't look for me again...I'm ok...and I'm going to be ok...as long as you’re far away from me." He was saying it, but deep down his heart was breaking. She shook her head and walked away. He watched until she disappeared down the hall. Kevin took a seat on the bed and covered his face with his hands. He felt so much pain.

“Hey there hotness!” A familiar voice startled Nadine. She turned to find Nick and AJ in a fit of laughter standing behind her. She instantly hugged on the twosome.

“Oh my god you guys. What brings you around here?”

They both looked at each other. “Well we thought you might want to come to our show at the House of Blues. It’s by invitation only. It‘s a couple of our close friends and some lucky fans.” Nick informed, as Nadine smiled from ear to ear.

“What about Kevin, he will be upset to see me there and…” Her voice broke. “He said he didn’t want me near him.”

“Yeah from what we’ve seen he needs you near. The man looks awful and he doesn’t talk or do much. Just sit in that lousy chair like he’s already dead.” AJ nodded his head in disappointment.

“I really would like to see you guys perform. Ok.” It obviously didn’t take them too much to convince her. “When is the show?”

“Tonight” Nick and AJ said in unison.

“Oh. Good thing I’m off at 6 then.”

That night she stood in the VIP line, with her wavy hair blowing in the wind. She’d taken extra time to look good tonight. That included some make up and a nice blouse. She waited patiently as the security made sure that her name was on the list. He smiled and nodded for her to enter after handing her a pass. She smiled and walked into the dark lit place, looking around she wiped her sweaty palms on her jeans. The place was small and there was a VIP section right in front of the stage. She had been there before, but it looked so different with chairs in it.

Nadine smiled as she saw Brian and AJ already sitting in their stools they waved her down. Nadine looked around as she made her way towards the front. “Hey guys…this is so intimate.” Brian smiled as he jumped off the stage and lead her to her seat. “Does he know I’m here?” She asked.

Brian nodded “No, we didn’t want to get him upset ahead of time. I mean not that…uh…” he stumbled on his words, as Nadine took her seat.

“It’s ok Brian. I understand. I’m ready for his stubborn ass today.” Nadine smiled as the lights went out and everyone took a seat.

She sat at the right side of the stage. Nick sat at her opposite, Brian, Howie, AJ and right in front of her sat Kevin. His eyes flew open when he caught a glimpse of her. She could tell that he was uncomfortable with her presence, but she didn’t budge.

“Who the hell invited her?” Kevin whispered to Howie.

“I don’t know Kevin, anyways stop acting like you don’t want…hey are you ok? You’re looking pale and you‘re sweating”

Kevin looked at him a little puzzled as he stood fixing his microphone, he hadn’t thought about how he looked or felt, he was just in the bathroom letting out what little he had eaten. He could feel his heart racing in his chest and an awkward numbness coming over his body. He forced a smile as he wiped his forehead. “Na! I’m good man.”

The lights dimmed, as the band began to play in the background.

“Who are you now? Are you still the same Or did you change somehow?” Brian started off.

Nadine remembered hearing them sing that song over and over in the studio. Kevin glanced over at her as she looked at him a little concerned of the paleness he had acquired through the song.

“I still need you, I still care about you, though everything's been said and done, I still feel you, Like I'm right beside you, But still no word from you” as they finished that line in harmony; Howie turned to look at Kevin.

“Kevin!” Howie shouted as Kevin fell off his stool and landed on the stage floor. Nadine and Amanda instinctively ran up to the stage. Nadine taking his head in hers.

“Kevin…” She breathed.

They all looked around at each other as the lights came back on and the fans were escorted out. The group waited until the paramedics appeared and rolled him out of the club.

“I’ll meet you guys at the hospital.” Nadine said as she ran to her car and jumped in. Oh my god not yet! She thought to herself as she waited at a red light. The travel was quick, she noticed that the guys Lincoln was already parked. She hopped out and bolted into the waiting room.

“Any news?” she questioned looking for an answer, they all shook their heads, concern in their eyes.

“Oh my god! What if he dies? I can’t take this…it’s…I…” Amanda’s look was blank and she was trembling.

Nadine as much as she wasn’t fond of her wrapped an arm around her shoulder. “Come on Amanda let’s get some coffee and fresh air. Its going to be a long night.”

The guys watched the two girls walking down the hall, Nadine holding Amanda.

“Never thought I would see something like that!” AJ said as he raised his eyebrows.

“Well it seems like Amanda is freaking out again, she’s bound to leave.” Brian sighed with disappointment. “Then again, he probably wont be as upset as last time, I think he’s over her. What do you ya’ll think?” he looked around.

Before the guys could answer the doctor approached the foursome “Hello there, are you family of Kevin Richardson?”

Brian stepped forward nervously, “Uh I am sir, Brian Littrell, his cousin. These our his band mates and brothers”

The man looked at all the concerned faces and asked them to take a seat. “I’m really sorry to tell you this fellas but…” his voice trailed off as Brian, AJ, Howie and Nick tried to take it all in.

“Nadine I can’t do this…not again.” Amanda held the hot cup of coffee in her hand, the steam floating away with the breeze. “I don’t want to do it again. I just can’t.” she turned to look at Nadine, for the first time she could see sincerity in Amanda’s eyes.

“Is that why you left last time? You didn’t want to see him go?” Amanda shook her head as a tear rolled down her cheek. “But he needed you to be there…it didn’t matter if he wasn’t going to be with you forever…what mattered was the time that you WOULD be together.”

Amanda smiled as she took a sip of her coffee “You really love him don’t you, look at you, your still standing there. All calm and positive.”

Nadine looked at her a little puzzled ready to let her know that it wasn’t the case “Well, I…care a lot about him.” Amanda gave her a look. “Ok fine…I am in love with him, but I wont tell him.”

“See we are almost in the same situation. I let him know I loved him, but I ran in fear of losing him. You are afraid of the same thing.” she pushed her purse over her shoulder and turned to look at Nadine. “Don’t let him die without know your feelings. Thanks for the talk.” Amanda hopped in the taxi that had been parked in the entrance.

Nadine trudged her way back inside. She found Howie and AJ sitting in the lobby, their faces longer than when she had gone to get coffee. She noticed that Brian and Nick where missing. “Hey did you get any news?” the two men looked at each other.

“Hey there man!” Brian tried smiling without showing the fear that he was feeling. “Uh…” he wasn’t quite sure how to start a conversation, so the room was silent for a while as Kevin shifted in his hospital bed.

“I hate hospitals.” Kevin groaned as he looked out the window.

“Yeah we know…but we couldn’t just take you home.” Nick said as he slowly approached Kevin .

“You guys are so dramatic. I’m going to be fine.” He chuckled as a nurse came in.

“Hello there” she greeted the trio, “Mr. Richardson. Your not allowed to get up we will have to put in a catheter for you to use the restroom. Also you will begin to feel lots of pain pretty soon and you’ll have to let me know so we can give you Morphine.” she smiled and was out the door, leaving complete silence.

“I hate nurses!” He looked at the two blonde men, that stood in front of him. He remembered many days that he had spent with them, when they were sick. Especially Nick, he always caught colds on tour. “The time is here isn’t it?” he asked his eyes swelling up.

“Yeah man…” Brian whispered as he took a hold of his older cousin in his arms. “I’m sorry…but we are here all the way.” He said as he held on tight to Kevin, Nick joined in the embrace as he wiped the tears flowing down his cheeks.

“Just like that…you can’t let them…do that!” Nadine sobbed as AJ and Howie tried comforting her, “I don’t want him to go. I…” she breathed as she felt the walls closing in on her.

As she looked up, she noticed Brian wiping his eyes and nodding to AJ and Howie that it was there turn to visit Kevin. She was to embarrassed to ask so she sat there, her face buried in her hands.

After what seemed forever, AJ and Howie came out looking almost gloomier than Brian and Nick. “It’s your turn sweetheart” AJ said as he gave her a hand to stand up.

She shook her head. “I can’t do it. I don’t want to.” she sat back down as the guys tried comforting her. “What if he dies while I’m there…I don’t want to…” she began to shake.

“Remember that you always told him you would be there till the end. You were his friend and if we aren‘t mistaken…you love him. He is stubborn, but he needs you now!” Brian held her hands in his “Don’t leave him alone like she did.” he almost pleaded.

She looked at all the reassuring faces around her and stood up. “Right, I can do this.” Nadine swallowed the knot in her throat as she walked towards the door. She placed her hands on the knob, and taking a big sigh turned the knob. The moment she entered; the beeping of the machine made her shiver.

He hadn’t even noticed that she was standing in the doorway. She stared at him, his face had lost all color, he had all types of tubes connected to him and he was curled up almost in a ball on the bed.

“HI” she murmured.

“Hey!” Kevin answered not even glancing over at her, he continued to look out the window. “Well you just going to stand there?” He blurted, reminding her of the first day they had met.

“No” She responded as she walked closer, the beeping seemed to get louder. He turned his gaze towards her, his eyes were sadder than she had ever seen them. “I’m not sure what to say…” she muttered.

She now stood in front of him, his hand slowly stretched out to find hers. “I know your scared. Shit so am I.” He smiled. “Damn, I’m sorry for being such a dick to you.” He began to laugh mordantly “I guess this is what all people do when they are dying…laugh at nothing.”

Not a smile escaped Nadine at his joke. “Don’t leave me!” Her lip quivered as she begged him. Kevin pulled her in to a hug. He held her tight as she climbed into the bed with him, she laid next to him her head resting on his chest. “Does it hurt?”

“No” he answered, figuring the more he denied it, the less they would suffer to see him go. Truth was he felt lots of pain, but he was to stubborn to call a nurse and request medication. All he wanted was to walk out and go home. If he was going to die, he wanted to die at home.

“I want to go home?” he asked more than stated.

She looked up at him as she caressed his face, “Ok…I will see what I can do.” She carefully kissed his cheek as she gave him another hug. “There is something that I need to tell you.” She began, but was interrupted by the nurse.

Following all their pleads the doctor finally gave in to Kevin’s request to go home. He was unsure of the man making it all the way home, but he gave in at the gloomy faces. The guys entered the room as the nurse helped Kevin dress.

“Hey who are you guys?” Brian, Nick, Howie and AJ all looked at each other puzzled.

“I’m sorry, its all the medication and he’s losing consciousness for whiles. It will happen a lot more…” She patted Kevin on the shoulder, “Your friends are here to see you again, Mr. Richardson.” The nurse gave the guys a sympathetic look and walked out of the room.

The drive home was never ending for Kevin, the pain was making him drowsy and sick to his stomach. He held on tight to Nadine’s hand as she set right next to him. “We are almost there” she reassured him with a weak smile. Her fingers raking his hair.

They started their way to his room “Thanks…being…here…me guys.” They could barely make out his words. Kevin laid on the bed, as Brian fixed his pillows and Nadine covered him up with a blanket before laying beside him.

“I will be right back you guys.” Brian exited to meet the others.

“Are you comfortable?” Nadine asked as she wrapped her arm over his chest. “I want you to be comfortable.” She could hear his irregular breathing getting heavier and shorter as the minutes passed.

“You said…” he paused after every word “There…was…” his body tensed against Nadine’s, she sat up abruptly.

“Are you ok Kevin?” But he didn’t answer. She didn’t want to cry, but she was feeling panic now. “Say something…please Kevin”

“I’m ok…”

She sighed with relief as she nestled against his body again. “I’m scared Kevin. I’ve never felt fear like this in my life” he cut her off by raising her face to his, he stared into her eyes.

He groaned.

"Please don't leave me."

Nadine held Kevin’s face in her hands as their lips were locked. They broke from the kiss and she smiled, although he was weak he smiled back. “Although…I acted…like such…an ass…you changed…what I…had left…of my life! I…really love…you.” Kevin confessed.

Her smile widened and just as she opened her mouth the guys walked into the room startling the couple.

“So we thought we would sing…all together like old times remember?” Nick said with a childish grin on his face. Kevin gave Nadine a look as she laid her head back on his chest.

“Yeah sure…what do…you guys…want to…sing?” He asked taking a breath after every other word.

The guys smiled and Howie spoke up. “How about we sing Safest Place to Hide?”

Kevin happily nodded his head, “Sure Howie…that sounds…like a great…one.” His body stiffened as he felt the pain intensify, the morphine had worn out.

“I just…want you…guys to…know that…I appreciate…all of…your help…I’m sorry…that I ruined…the show…tonight…I…”

They all shook their heads and Brian spoke with a low voice, “We sang a song to our fans, they will never forget that cuz!” They smiled at each other. “All right…we will start off on your queue.” Brian informed as the others began to snap their fingers in rhythm.

Nadine looked at him again. “I love you too!” She whispered into his ear. He didn’t answer, but she knew he’d heard her when he tightened his embrace.

The boys began to sing in unison “Can you see me, here I am. Standing here where I've always been, and when words are not enough, I climb inside your heart I still find, You're my safest place to hide…My safest place to hide” they smiled as they waited for Kevin’s part.

He looked at them with concern. “I…can’t remember…the words.”

“It’s ok. I will help you remember.” Nadine piped and started to sing as best she could. “I know I promised you forever…There's no stronger word I can use.”

She stopped to look up at him and wait to see if he remembered.

After a long pause he spoke up, “To reassure when the storm, is raging outside” He squeezed Nadine tight as he felt the life being sucked from him. “You're…my safest place…to…hide” as he said the last word his grip loosened from her body and his head slowly fell to the side.

Silence filled the room. Nadine’s eyes widened in horror and her chest heaved with each breath when she looked at the expressions on each one of the guys faces.

She knew it.

“No…please…” slowly she turned to look at Kevin. His eyes were closed and his head was turned away from her. “No…no…you can’t leave me…” She hovered over him, her teardrops falling onto his shirt. “You can’t leave me!” she slapped his face lightly. She buried her face in his chest as she sobbed uncontrollably.

The guys tried to comfort her. “It’s ok Nadine…” Brian patted her back. “It’s going to be ok.” He hugged her, wiping away his own tears. Nick stayed in the far corner away from everyone else, crying silently. Howie was trying to stay strong for everyone else, but slowly he could feel the tears filling his eyes. AJ placed his sunglasses back on and leaned against the wall feeling the world falling around him.

~~~~~

The funeral was a blur to Nadine, she hadn’t paid attention to a word the priest had said, all she imagined was jumping in the hole with him. Just a couple of days back she had been fighting with him and now he was gone. As she stood watching the groundkeeper pour the dirt into the hole, all the memories flooded her mind.

Memories that made her laugh and others that made her heart feel like bursting.

“Are you ready to go?” AJ asked in a soft voice as he placed his hand on her shoulder, she shook her head without a word. They began to walk away, and she turned once more “Thank you for making him happy. Even if you guys didn’t really say it out loud…we all knew that you loved each other. He kept it to himself to till the end…because…Kevin was stubborn and he knew that it would have been much more harder for you to accept his...”

She looked interrupting him before he said the word. Her face was pale and redness covered her eyes, she smiled weakly. “I always hoped he did. I got the feeling he did.” he hugged her and they hopped into the limo.

~~~~~

A week later Nadine held a chart in her hand, she took a deep breath as she fixed her badge. “Hello there…” she stood looking into a pair of green eyes.

“I don’t need your help you know. I’m fine…I’m going to die anyways…you wont change anything that's left of my life” the young boy exclaimed as she gave him a smile.

“I’ve heard that before, but you never know!” she smiled.