I couldn't believe I had let this happen. I'm a smart mature man, how could I have not seen the signs? All there right in front of my face. The worst part is, I went with him willingly. No complaints, no arguing.

Dave was the enemy?

I played with the ropes that bound my hands to the chair as Joe watched Nick on his security camera. Nick thought he was safe. I thought I was safe.

Funny thing is, I thought I was actually protecting the kid by going back to the house. When Dave called me and said don't tell him but there was a security breach we think. I excused myself not even getting to say goodbye to Nick because he was asleep. I even told the rest of the guys I was going to get some of his stuff and make sure everything was in order. Didn't want them to worry.

"Doesn't he look so innocent Kevin?" I looked over at Joe, scared out of my mind. He was going to kill me. I took a deep breath as he continued to speak in a calming voice. Oddly calm while he sharpened a knife.

"He's a good kid, I have always liked him you know. I mean he is a child trapped inside of a man's body"

He was watching the screen like it was a television and he had a huge grin on his face. I wanted to kill him. I once again tried to pry myself lose, not sure how I was ever going to get out of this mess.

Joe turned around to face me holding the huge steak knife in his hand. He came over to me and sat on a chair backwards. As if he was riding a horse. "So, this is what I propose to you my friend"

"Don't call me your friend. I'm not your friend" He pouted. Pretending to cry.

"Kevin that hurt my feelings"

I looked down at the ground, the smile on his face was making me nauseous. Now I knew how Nick must have felt. The urge to pee was almost overwhelming and if I became anymore anxious I was going to have an accident. Just then Dave walked into the room. I looked up hoping that it was a policeman anything but Dave, unfortunately I was wrong.

Dave couldn't even look at me. Wouldn't even look at me. But I made sure I stared him down.

"Oh David, welcome. Kevin and I were just having a little discussion, I was just about to tell him our plan"

"Your plan not our plan. I have nothing to do with this Kevin. I swear to God"

How could he say that? Wasn't he the one that brought me to this place? Lured me right into the den of the monster? How could he say he had nothing to do with it? When he met me at the door of Nick's house, he cornered me and told me he needed me to follow him. So I did, just like how I did so many times before.

Not even thinking.

He got me to walk out of Nick's house with him, even so much as waved to the guards, the same ones that could have stopped this from happening unless they were in on it too, and drove me out to this place. I didn't even realize it until it was too late. We entered the small apartment, I wasn't even sure what I was expecting to see. Maybe some death threats or something. I didn't expect to see him.

He was supposed to be dead.

"Okay then, my plan. That's fine I'll take all the credit, and by the way it's not polite to take thy name in vane!" He backhanded David before either of us saw it coming. He fell back and quickly placed his hand on his face. I think my heart stopped beating. I couldn't find my voice to yell even if I wanted to.

Just like that he calmed down. Moving back to the place where he sat before. Staring at Nick on the security camera. I wanted to yell to him. Tell him to get the hell out of the house. Nick was just sitting there looking lost, like a mouse caught in a glue trap. And there was nothing I could do about it.

"You are going to help us get him back to me Kevin" He said after a long silence.

"No way"

He turned his head slowly almost like in the Exorcist I was expecting him to spin it completely around. That's how slow he was moving. Goosebumps riddled my arms when I saw the evil smile on his face.

"Yes, you will son. It is God's plan. Nick will listen to you. He trusts you"

"No I'm not helping you"

"You are going to convince him to see my sister"

"No!" He got up and moved toward me once again, the whole time never dropping the knife he had previously sharpened. He walked behind me and held the knife to my neck. I winced as a tear ran down my face. Dave just sat on the floor watching.

"Who do you love?" He asked me. Ironically enough the only thing that went through my mind was our song. I wasn't sure if he wanted me to sing it or not. I felt the blade against my skin slowly burning it's way into my flesh.

"I said who do you love?"

"What do you want me to say?" I managed to get out almost in a desperate cry.

"I want you to tell me before you die, who is the one person you love more then life itself"

I closed my eyes feeling death in the room, hoping all the stories of being greeted by someone you knew would be true. Soon I would see my father. Maybe he was standing right behind me now. Although if he was I doubted this would be happening.

"Kristen. I love my wife" I closed me eyes and waited for the burning. Knowing it would be incredibly painful.

Nothing came.

Instead he retracted away from me. I opened my eyes at first thinking maybe death wasn't a painful experience afterall. Maybe it was quick. But I was still very much alive and once again looking into the face of a maniac.

"Kristin is a beautiful woman"

"You stay the hell away form her!" I said now really trying my hardest to break free from the ropes. This amused him.

"I will Kevin, you have my word. But of course that means that you have to betray Nick"

"I can't" I whispered now full on crying.

"Shhh, it's going to be okay" He said walking over to me and wiping the tears from my face. He stroked my hair, "I understand how difficult this is for you Kevin. But it's God's will. You do this and you will be in my eternal graces"

I forced myself to look him in the eyes. "God would not want me to let you have Nick"

"You're a silly boy Kevin. I know what God wants, you are just a stupid human who is incapable of understanding the bigger picture. If you don't do this for me and betray me, your family will NEVER be safe. My apostles are everywhere. And after I kill Kristen, they will kill the rest of your family. You willl never know when or where but it will happen. I now have 10 Apostles and now you have been chosen to be one as well" He kissed me on the cheek.

I looked over to David now understanding that maybe he had been through this same thing.

"It's really a simple request my friend, all you have to do is convince him to see Trish in jail. That's all"

"Then what are you going to do?"

"Let me worry about that" Now I found myself looking over at the screen. The cameras that were installed to keep Nick safe. He was still sitting holding the bible in his hands but now it was being hugged against his chest. He looked like he was crying. Joe walked over to the screen and pat Nick's head. I wanted to do the same I wanted to take all the hurt away.

"Why Nick?" I asked, "Why not me?"

"Because you weren't chosen"

"Please don't hurt him. Please" Joe looked away from the screen and back to me, "He is just a kid. He has his whole life ahead of him. Just walk away. I won't say anything. You have my word"

I was ready right then to make the ultimate sacrifice for the boy I had loved like my own brother. Ready to let him kill me to save Nick. It was the least I could do since this was all my fault anyway. Kris would just have to understand.

"Take me" I thought the words would come out stronger then they did but they were barely audible.

"Nope. I don't want you. I would kill her though. Besides other things, now you wouldn't want that right?"

"No" I felt defeated totally numb like I had not an ounce of energy left.

Just then I felt my binds loosen, as he used the sharpened knife to cut me free. "Now go my son. Go and do God's work" He kissed my other cheek. And walked out the door leaving Dave and I in the room both staring at Nick. I felt Dave's hand on my shoulder and I automatically shoved it away.

"How could you do this to me? To us?"

"You act as if you think I had a choice! I didn't he threatened to kill my son. He even took him away. Jesus Kevin the guy is a loon. He is going to kill Nick. Just face the facts"

"You expect me to just face the facts?"

"Yes, I do, or you will end up losing Kristin. He'll do it Kevin and you know what?"

"What?"

"He'll still manage to kill Nick"

"We can't let that happen"

"Look, I feel the same way as you, but if I have to make a choice between my family or Nick, I choose my family. Just like I chose to bring you here"

"I can't do that"

"Kevin...you have no choice" I walked over to the screen again. I would find away. I would.

"Now come on, we better get back before people start wondering where we vanished to" As we left I stole one more glance over to the screen where Nick was still staring straight ahead blank look on his face.

"Don't trust me Nick. Please don't trust me. And I'm sorry" I said now feeling so much guilt I couldn't even handle it. If he died because of me, I would kill myself.

By the time everyone had made their way back to my house it was long past dinner time. I tried my hardest to sleep during the time I had to myself, before Brian and AJ came home but sleep didn't come. In it's place deep pondering. I must have clutched that little business card with that note from Trish in my hands for hours. Wondering if I should tell somebody about it or if I should just throw it away. How I wanted so desperately just to forget about the whole thing. Now that Trish was in jail for life, I should have been able to move on. Damn Joe! Damn him!

"Hey buddy" I heard come from my doorway. I forced myself to turn around and saw Brian standing there waiting for an invitation into my room.

I rolled over and sat up, running my hands through my now messed up hair as I did it. He came and sat down next to me. The only light coming into my room was coming from the hallway so we both looked like we were in an eerie spotlight.

"How are you feeling? Any better?" I nodded but then quickly mumbled a yeah when it dawned on me that he probably couldn't see my head shaking.

"Good. I'm glad to hear it"

"Is everyone back now?" I asked him squinting while my eyes adjusted to the darkness. It's funny that I was so entranced in my thoughts that I hadn't even noticed the change from day to night.

"Yeah, well everyone except Kevin. Have any idea where he went?" I shrugged. I thought he was with them but maybe he went for a ride or something.

"You wanna talk about it? You want me to tell you what happened in there?" I looked down to notice his legs were dangling off the side. He was swaying them back and forth. That just meant he was uncomfortable. I hated that I made him uncomfortable these days. Then it dawned on me that I hadn't really talked to him or anyone else about what I had actually said in that courtroom. We glazed over it but we really didn't talk about it. Great! That would just be another thing we would have to discuss one of these days. Not now though, or anytime soon.

"I know she was sentenced to life without parole, I really don't need to know anything else" I said. His sigh made me realize maybe he NEEDED to tell me. Maybe it was something he needed to get off of HIS chest. I guess I should have been a good friend to him and let him go on and on about how bad it was for him. How disappointed the families were. How relieved Trish was. I just couldn't bare to hear about it. Not yet. Possibly not ever.

"I guess it's over buddy" He placed his arm around my shoulder but for some reason I winced. That threw him for a loop. "Did I hurt you? I'm sorry"

"No, I'm sorry Bri, I'm not sure why I jumped. I guess I'm just a little bit jumpy"

"That's understandable Nick. No need to apologize" He stood up ready to leave, "I think we are ordering a few pizzas for dinner. Come on down when you're ready" I nodded once again. He stood there for a minute as if he wanted to say something more, but then when his words failed to come, he left.

After Brian left I sat there staring at the wall in the hallway. I didn't feel like moving or eating or celebrating or anything. What was there to be happy about? I knew he was coming for me. I just didn't know when or where.

I stood outside the door dreading my entrance. Not wanting to lie about a thing. Wanting to shout at them all. Leave! Joe is alive and he's coming for you. Dave seeing me hesitate, put his hand on my shoulder. "It's okay Kevin, no big deal. Just get him to see Trish that's all"

"That's all?" I couldn't believe he had kidded himself into thinking it all was as simple as that.

"Look, you have no choice" but I did have a choice. I just needed to figure out if I was willing to make it.

Before I could put it off anymore David opened the door and together we walked inside. "Let me do the talking" He said as we met up in the living room to AJ and Howie's wondering glares.

"Where the hell were you?" AJ said to me almost pouncing on me like a leopard, "Did you hear about the verdict?" I had actually forgotten about the sentencing. It slipped my mind entirely but I guess you could say I had bigger things to think about.

"Um..no. What was it?" How I was hoping he would say death, although deep in my heart I knew she would live. She would live and Nick would die. How fair was that?

"Sentenced to life without parole. How could you not hear that?" I didn't like the way AJ was hitting me with all of these sharp accusations.

"It's my fault" Dave was quick to step in. "We had a security breech so I wanted to take Kevin to the source, we were nowhere near a radio or television"

"What kind of security breech?" Howie asked now making his way over. I was growing uneasier with every passing second. I was never big on lying especially not to them.

"It was nothing really. Just a strange guy kind of skulking around" Dave said matter of factly. I couldn't help but wonder how long he had been lying to us. I wasn't sure if I could trust anyone at all after this.

"Really? Well, if he was hanging around HERE, then where the hell did you go?" AJ still not totally convinced with Dave's story. I was a little happy about that. Maybe I wouldn't have to say a word. Maybe AJ would do it for me. Suddenly both his eyes and Howie's eyes shifted to the stairs. I couldn't breath thinking it would be Nick, but it was only Brian. And he wasn't looking very happy.

"What's wrong?" Howie asked walking over to my cousin. He shrugged, "Just Nick"

"He gonna be okay?" Brian sat down on the bottom stair as if suddenly having to take another step would be more than he could bare.

"I don't know D. I wish I did, but I honestly don't know" Brian glanced my way then. I smiled, he didn't.

"Where were you?"

"Security breech" He looked as if he was going to start asking a ton of questions so before he could I added, "It's nothing. Turned out to be just a fan" He nodded and rubbed his temples.

"Kev, why don't you go see Nick. I'm gonna be on my way" Dave said, winking at me. It looked friendly to everyone else, but I read the real meaning of that wink loud and clear. He's watching you. Don't screw up.

After Dave left, I almost did spill my guts. I really wanted to. Brian and AJ had made their way into the kitchen and I was sitting all alone with Howie. No one would have heard. I looked around, searching for a camera or listening devices or anything. I didn't see one but just because I couldn't see one didn't mean there was none to be found later. No, for Kristin's sake, I couldn't take the chance.

So I said nothing.

Instead I made casual conversation. Nothing heavy. Nothing even Nick related. We talked about movies we had yet to see and CD's we had yet to purchase. He was telling me a story about one of his parties when he stopped short.

"Don't stop because of me...well..unless you were talking about me" I didn't turn around. I didn't need to. The childlike chuckle told me all I needed to know.

He came over and sat right next to Howie. I had to laugh. He has always been like that. There could be ten chairs in a room and A huge couch, but yet Nick always managed to sit right next to someone. I think having someone's body heat next to him made him feel safe.

He looked over at me and smiled. I smiled back, I had the urge to grab him into a hug but that would be too suspicious of me. I wasn't the touchy feely one. "Hell of a day huh kiddo?" Howie said lovingly putting his arm around Nick.

"Yeah, hell of a day" He echoed. So lost.

"Well, I'm going to run to the bathroom. I'll be back" I would have done anything in the world for Howie not to leave us alone. But he did. Nick just sat there not saying much. Flopping his long legs onto the couch and placing his arm behind his head.

"I guess now that this whole Trish thing is over you'll all be leaving soon" He said.

"I don't think you'll get rid of us that easily"

"I'm not sure if I want to" He said under his breath. I wasn't sure if he wanted me to really hear him say that or not. I think he did.

"Let's go have some pizza" I said thankful when I saw security walking in with the pizzas.

"Kev, can I tell you something?" I was standing over him at this point, stretching my arms way over my head.

"Sure, what is it?" From my position, I saw the unmistakable glint of tears in his eyes. I moved and sat next to him.

"That night..you know when I kind of..well wet myself?" I nodded. "I had this dream that Joe" When he said the name I gasped. He was surprised. I didn't want him to continue. If Joe was watching, which I was positive he was, he was probably beaming with pride at hearing his name. It made me nauseous. I put my hand on his shoulder as he continued, "Anyway..I had a dream that Joe made me pick one of you for him to...." He took a deep breath as a tear fell from his eyes.

"You don't have to tell me Nick. If it's too painful" I wanted to know. I didn't want him to tell Joe.

"I had no choice. I had to pick" I rubbed his back as Howie slowly walked back into the room watching the scene. I glanced over to Howie and he stood there looking as lost as Nick had when we spied on him earlier.

Howie came over to us and squatted down next to Nick placing both his hands on Nick's knees, "It's okay Nicky. It was just a dream. Joe is dead. He won't hurt you. No one will hurt you"

"But Howie...I"

"I know...it's okay. You were screaming my name. It was only a dream" I watched as my one band mate cradled the other in his arms. How I wished that it was only a dream. Especially when Nick spoke the next few words.

"Trish left me a note. She wants me to go visit her and I just don't know what to do"

"That's easy enough, you need to forget all about Trish Nick. She is gone and can never bother you anymore" Howie stood up while saying that. Never sounding more sure of his own words. I knew he would say that but I wasn't sure if it was what I wanted to hear. I looked over to Kevin to get some kind of reaction. He was staring down at my carpet, not saying anything.

"Kev, what do you think?" I asked him placing my hand on his shoulder.

"Think? About what?" He seemed lost.

"You okay Kevin?"

"Yeah...I'm fine, I just have to run to the bathroom real fast" He stood up and darted out of the room. Howie and I just stared after him, neither of us saying a word.

"Nick, this should be a really easy decision for you to make kiddo, why in the world would you want to go see Trish anyway?"

"I don't know D, it's hard to explain" And it was also embarrassing. I mean how do I explain that even though she did all those horrible things to me, I also was grateful for her for saving my life? How do I explain that even though she was a heartless and cruel murderer, I still cared about her? How do I explain that without sounding like an idiot?

"Can I see the note she sent?" I hesitantly handed the small business card over to him. He held it close to his face to get a better look, "When did she give this to you?" I shrugged.

"Maybe she just wants to apologize" I whispered, I sounded naive like how I had when we were young, when I had believed the whole world was on our side. Howie's eyes met mine. They weren't laughable or angry, just concerned. "Is it something you really want to do Nicky?"

"I don't know Howie. I wish I did, but I just don't"

"Well, you have plenty of time to think about it, the pizza is here. Let's go eat" Howie stood up and extended his hand to me, which I took. He pulled me off the couch and to my feet and together we walked into the kitchen.

"Hey Kaos!" AJ said slopping a big piece of greasy pepperoni pizza in his mouth. I nodded at him and sat next to Brian, who greeted me with a friendly nod. "You know, we really must do something about those security guards out there"

"AJ stop..you're going to get grease all over the floor man" I got up and grabbed some paper towels, got on my hands and knees and started to wipe away the pepperoni drippings.

"Easy Nick, when did you get to be so into cleanliness"

"Well, if I got anything on the floor at Trish and Joe's I would.." I stopped talking then. Realizing what I had just said. Remembering what would happen to me. Feeling Joe's hands grab my hair as he would fling me to floor and make me lick up whatever I or he had spilled. Then banging my head so hard against the floor that I would wake the next morning feeling hung over. A hand on my back made me jump, I hit the underside of the table with my head. "Ow, fuck!" I screamed.

I moved out from underneath the table to see them all staring at me again. They looked at me as if I was some pathetic dog. "It's over now" Brian said. I nodded as I went to sit down.

"J, why did you say that about security anyway?" Howie asked now moving next to AJ and peering out the window. "Because they are supposed to be protecting us but what are they doing? Playing cards. Very nice" Howie shook his head at them. "I wonder how much they are getting paid"

"Who knows...who cares. It's not like we need them anymore" Brian said dismissively. I wanted to say something to the effect of yes we do because Joe is still out there and alive, but didn't have the energy to argue.

"So I still can't believe what that bitch did on the stand" AJ said grabbing another piece of pizza but this time placing it on a paper plate.

"She was full of crap!" Brian said sipping on a cup of coffee. I noticed he wasn't eating anything. He gave AJ a nasty look.

"What did she say?" They all looked over to me again as if I was a little whimpering puppy in need of a walk. I don't think I will ever be looked at any other way again. "It's not important" Brian barely grumpled out.

"I'd like to know too" We all found ourselves staring at the doorway that Kevin just entered. The glare his cousin gave him in return was equal to a death glare. He refused to answer so AJ did the job. "When she took the stand she said she was sorry and that she thought she should receive the death penalty" I have to admit I wasn't really expecting that. I thought for sure she would've begged for her life. Pleaded for them not to kill her. What possible reason could she do that? What would she have to gain?

"Nick...you okay?" I looked away from the pizza box into Kevin's concerned gaze.

"Yeah, I'm fine just a bit..well surprised that's all"

"Me too" He answered.

"She knew that they wouldn't listen to her"

"Maybe she felt bad for what she did" Now all eyes were on Kevin as if he had said he loved the devil himself.

"How could you even say that? She isn't sorry for what she did. She enjoyed it"

"Brian, I don't think she enjoyed killing those people, I mean you should have seen her talking about some of their..." My mind struggled to find the right word, but Brian had no trouble, none at all.

"Victims Nick. They were victims"

"Okay..fine. Victims. She loved them Brian"

"Yeah she loved them, enough to KILL them. Nick you are talking nonsense. You don't know what you're saying"

"Maybe he does" Once again all eyes went to Kevin, "Maybe she loved those kids so much but she loved her brother more. She had to do what was right for him not for the others. She had to protect herself and her family"

"What?" Brian looked like he was ready to jump across the table and strangle his cousin.

"I'm just saying, maybe she had no choice. He was evil Brian. He could have snapped her neck without even trying, Nick even said Trish pushed him down the flight of stairs didn't she Nick?" I was confused about so many things. Kevin was acting strange but he was making sense and verbalizing all I was trying to say.

"Yeah, at least that is what she told me"

"So it's clear that she tried to help Nick by killing Joe. It just didn't work"

"I think you have all lost your minds!" Brian said standing up in a huff and charging out of the room. I felt bad, like I had disappointed him in some way. I wish that I could hate Trish as much as Brian did. I wanted to.

"Maybe it would do him some good to go see her" AJ said, now he had given up on his pizza and sat with cigarette in his hand as he spoke. Taking a quick breath before each puff.

"How do you figure that?" Howie asked eyeing me as if I was a child and couldn't quite follow the conversation they were having.

"Maybe he needs to see for himself that he is safe and she is gone forever. Maybe he needs her to say she's sorry"

"Yeah, or maybe she will just play another mind game with him"

"What do you think?" I asked Kevin, who throughout the whole conversation remained as quiet as a church mouse. Occasionally taking a sip of Coke or taking a bit of pizza. I knew he had a set opinion on what I should do. Actually, I was hoping he would.

"I don't have an answer for you Nick, I'm just going to say..." He paused forever. It was like he forgot he was speaking. Then after taking a deep breath and drawing his hands to his head, he continued, "It's your choice. You need to do what you think is right. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, now if you'll excuse me I have to make an important phone call" Kevin stood up very quickly, his napkin falling to the floor, as he set out of the room to make his call.

"Wonder what is going on with him" AJ said not bothering to look at anyone but the place where Kevin had been.

"Maybe he and Kris are having troubles"

"Maybe" Howie stopped mid thought and walked back over to me, "SO? What are you going to do?"

Wasn't that the million dollar question? I wish the answer could have been a simple one.

Sliding in and out of the shadows they looked like serpents. Joe couldn't help but smile at that little analogy. A den of serpents. From where he was sitting he had an impeccable view of the house. He was able to see every little move of all the boys. Kevin was facing him for most of the time. The look of desperation on his face made Joe almost laugh out loud. In fact he did once. More for the other patrolling security then for the actual humor of the situation. Although the situation was humorous.

He adjusted in his seat. He knew he was in for an uncomfortable night but it was all part of the job, afterall how many of these kinds of nights did he have when he was paid to guard their lives? Too many to count. Nights of doing nothing but sitting in a crowded car telling dirty jokes to the other guys to see who would laugh first. He always won that contest. He never failed with an old woman walks into a bar jokes. They were his stand by.

"So, an old woman walks into a bar and says where can I find a talking frog?" Joe laughed out loud again, just thinking of the punch line, but was instantly angered when his company didn't laugh along.

"Well, do you guys have no sense of humor?" He asked slapping one upside the head. He fell onto the horn of the car. Sending an annoying beep through the quiet night air. He quickly pulled the guys head off the steering wheel and waved to the concerned person looking out the window. Happy to see Howie wave back.

"Oh that's right, I forgot...dead men can't speak" Joe placed the dead guard's head against the window as if he was asleep. Stupid security guards, so busy playing cards that they hardly noticed him. He was in the car and strangling one before the other hardly had time to react. The one at the steering wheel was hard to kill. He had to stab him about five times in the heart. This car would be a mess to clean up. Luckily Joe wouldn't have to do it.

He noticed Kevin stand up to leave the room and once again found himself smiling. Things were going to work out just fine. He thought to himself, wondering if they realized it would be their last supper together. He grabbed his pair of binoculars to try his hardest to see Kevin. He just had to see the reaction. The one he knew would come.

Forgive me Father for I have sinned. I almost condemned a man to die... Was all I could say over and over in my head while listening to Nick prattle on about what he should do. It would have been so easy for me to just say "Nick go see Trish" As a matter of fact, I was certain that Nick wanted to hear those words. I just couldn't bring himself to do it though.

I stopped just shy of the phone when I heard the car out front honking. My heart stopped. I walked over to the draped window to see what the problem was but the man waved, probably just hit it by mistake. I wasn't sure what to do right up until the time I said do what you feel is right. Up until then I was certain I would tell him to go to see Trish. When I saw in those blue eyes the years of trust and guidance we shared, I just couldn't steer him wrong.

I knew Joe had to see what my answer was, he had cameras everywhere. So I had to call Kristin before it was too late. I had to tell her I loved her and to pack a bag. We would be leaving somewhere. Location to be figured out later, but for now she would just have to go. Leave, go to your friends house anywhere but home. Don't ask me questions baby, we don't have time for that. Just run. He picked up the phone and started to dial his number, when he heard what came from the other end, his hands went numb. So numb in fact that he dropped the phone. No other thoughts made their way to his brain just then, nothing came except his little prayer.

Forgive me Father for I have sinned.

Time stood still and all I heard was the beating of my heart. That and the muffled cries of my wife in the background on the telephone. It was all a blur from this point on. A blur. I clutched the phone tight against my ear, "Leave her alone" I said in an elevated voice. Much louder than I had intended it to be.

"Shhh...better stay quiet Kevin. We don't want your friends to hear"

"Who is this?" I hissed into the phone as my wife's crying became even quieter. I could tell she was being led away. Farther away from me.

"That's unimportant. All you need to know is that we are watching you Kevin. We are watching your every move. Now go do what God has truly intended you to do or I can put your wife on now to say goodbye" I felt a few tears roll down my eyes. I have never felt that helpless before.

"Please don't hurt her...Please... I'll give you anything you want"

"Can you assure me a place in heaven?"

"What?" Kevin was sidetracked by Dave entering the house and giving him a look. He knew and understood exactly what was going on, on the other end of that phone. It all became clear to me then. Dave had also gone through this.

"I said can you assure me a place in heaven?" Dave walked over to me and just stood by my side. "No, of course not but either can he. Joe is not the Messiah"

"Shut up! Blaspheme!" I could tell he was getting angry and I didn't want that to happen.

"Can I speak to her?"

"Yes, after you do what you are meant to do"

"And what is that?"

"Convince the boy to go see Trish! I thought that was explained to you"

"But.."

"You have thirty minutes" And then he hung up. Leaving me standing there with the phone in my hand feeling lost. I started to sway and luckily Dave caught me before I fell to the floor. Otherwise that would have been precious moments lost.

"Why me?" I asked again. I didn't understand. I never would.

"You have to do it Kevin. They are everywhere"

"Who?" I was half listening to Dave and half trying to picture Kristin sitting in a chair tied up somewhere with a madman holding a knife to her neck. "Oh God I...we..I don't know what to do?"

Dave pulled me close to him and whispered in my ear, "He WILL kill her Kevin. You have to do it"

I could only stare at David. I wanted his stern expression to turn into a smile. Maybe this was all some kind of sick joke. Maybe none of this was real. Maybe...

"Can't we just trick him into thinking we told Nick to go see Trish? Maybe put a wig on someone else? Maybe a policeman?"

"You don't understand Kevin" Dave looked around the room really talking softly. So was I for that matter.

"What don't I understand?"

"I am not here alone"

"What?"

"Remember there are 12 of us"

"Are you saying that someone else here is working for Joe?"

"Against their will... yes"

"Who?"

"I can't tell you that. Just remember you are the 11th Kevin"

"I don't want to play this game anymore" I said getting so annoyed with the whole thing I was ready to just walk out the damn door and never look back. I wished it was only a game.

"Kevin, you walk out that door and she's as good as dead. They both are" I turned around stopping before I turned the door handle.

"How? How can I do what you are asking of me?"

"I don't know" I wish someone had the answers.

Time stood still for just a moment. I wrapped my head around the situation as best I could, I put on my stage smile and I walked into the kitchen ready to betray the boy I loved like my own brother.

I sat at my table twiddling my thumbs, occasionally looking over at my untouched piece of pepperoni pizza. I felt a headache coming on. I have never suffered from headaches before. Colds and stomach viruses? Hell yes but I have always been lucky when it came to headaches. Until the last few weeks happened. Since the whole stupid trial all the memories came flooding back and my head has constantly felt the effects.

I rubbed at my eyes, a movement that didn't exactly go unnoticed by my friends. They seemed to notice everything these days.

"You okay?" Howie asked his voice thick with frustration and concern.

"Yeah, I'm fine D. Just a little tired that's all"

"Maybe you should hit the hay"

"It's kind of early don't you think?"

"To sleep? Never!" I laughed. Howie would sleep all day every day if given the opportunity.

Kevin and Dave walked in cutting off our conversation. I smiled at them. They seemed like they were angry at each other. To be honest I didn't care to know. I had my own problems. I didn't need to know about a stupid security breech that would end up being nothing. All it would do is add to the stress.

Kevin took a seat next to me and grabbed a piece of pizza out of the box, "Everything alright?" Brian asked from across the room. I didn't want to know the answer to that question. Not unless Kevin was about to tell us they found Joe's decaying carcass outside.

"Yeah, everything's great" Was his response. He smiled at his cousin and then began eating his pizza like there was no tomorrow.

"You know what I was thinking?" Everyone looked Kevin's way. When he saw all eyes on him he continued, first taking a swig of Root Beer, "I was thinking that maybe you should go see Trish"

The silence and tension I felt in the room was unbearable. I was shocked. I almost asked him to repeat himself. "You want me to go see her?"

He pushed his plate away and sat back in his chair, "I think you should. Think about it kiddo. You are so tense and stressed out. Maybe by going to see her, you can put it all behind you, once and for all"

"That is the dumbest thing I have ever heard!"

"Brian, it's not your decision to make"

"It's not yours either Kev. Nick, listen to me, you need to forget about that stupid bitch once and for all" Brian was now standing. Pacing back and forth.

"Calm down guys, this isn't helping any. He is tired and should go to sleep. He needs his rest" Howie offered up quietly. I was at a loss for words and for once, so was AJ. We both kind of just sat there with dumb expressions on our faces.

"I just think it's something he really needs to do. I will go with you if you want"

"Kevin, don't be an ass! He doesn't need to see her. Can't you see she is still controlling his life?" Brian seemed totally out of control now.

"Brian relax. He needs this"

"No he doesn't"

"Yeah Brian, maybe I do" I didn't even realize I had such a strong opinion on the subject until I heard my own words break through the tense kitchen. "Maybe I should go see her. I think Kevin is right"

Brian threw up his hands and walked away from us. He stood leaning against the sink looking like he was ready to throw some of the dirty dishes which were piled in there at either Kevin or myself.

"Are you sure Nicky? I mean that is a big decision. Don't let anyone talk you into it" There Howie went again, treating me like a child. "Believe it or not D, I am actually capable of making my own decisions"

"I know that..but.."

AJ now decided to speak up. His voice strong and sure, "If Nick wants to go, he should go"

Brian sighed in disgust, "You too?"

"No Bri, man I am sick just thinking about it, but maybe he should go. Kevin might be right. It could be good therapy for him"

Kevin looked over at AJ and smiled before his green eyes fixed on me. I trusted Kevin. I trusted his advice and he was saying what the little voices inside my head had been whispering to me since Trish had asked me to go visit her in the first place.

"I'm going" I finally said. Brian walked out of the room in a complete fury and the others remained only staring at me.

"How about I arrange a meeting with her for tonight?" Dave was grabbing for his cell phone. My heart skipped a beat, "tonight?" I asked suddenly swallowing the extra saliva that made it's way into my mouth.

"Yes, I'm sure we would be able to set up a private meeting for tonight, so this way the press won't be aware of what is going on"

"What do you think?" I asked Kevin. I must have caught him off guard because he looked like he had seen a ghost. "Kev? you okay man?"

"Uh...yeah, I'm fine...I think.." He swallowed hard, then looked over at Dave. How odd that was.

"I think you should go, and I'll go with you" Kevin started to get up but was interrupted by Dave, "No, Kevin. I am going with him, you stay right here"

"But I told him I would go" I wanted Kevin to win this argument. I needed him to be there with me.

"No! You NEED to stay here" They stared each other down for a few moments and then finally Kevin looked away, and my heart sank.

"Let me just check with her lawyer and we'll get going" Dave got up and walked out of the room. Leaving the four of us standing there staring at one another.

"I'm doing the right thing....right?" I had asked them that so many times in my career. The last time being after I had told them I was going solo. I felt so unsure then just like now.

"Yeah Nick, you are" AJ said confidently. He came over and pat me on the back.

Dave walked in holding my jacket in his hands. I guess that meant we got the all clear. I nodded and stood up only to be greeted by Kevin, "I love you Nick" He said grabbing me in a huge hug.

"I love you too Kevin"

Then Howie came over and grabbed me by my arms and did the very same thing. "I love you too kiddo. No matter what" No matter what? That was another odd thing to say.

Kevin and Howie exchanged looks, like they were the only two in on a joke or something. I shrugged, "Okay, well wish me luck guys"

"Good luck" They all said.

I wished Brian was there. He had a way of making me feel better and even though I knew he was dead set against me going, I also knew he would have still helped me get through it. Just as the thought framed my mind, Brian framed my line of vision. Not quite the calm composed picture I had hoped for. Especially when it came to the gun he had now held in his hands. Aiming at Dave...

When I hugged Nick I felt like a Judas, betraying my brother with a kiss. I know how things ended for him, maybe I would meet the same fate. I held onto Nick forever, not wanting to let this kid who I have looked after for such a long time, this kid who barely came up to my chest when we first met, this kid who I loved as much as my own blood, go. I was letting Nick walk right into the enemies hands. And I was doing it with a smile.

He pulled away first and gave me one of his smirks. I smiled back but then I had to look away. I kept my eyes down watching the carpet until I heard Howie say "No matter what happens" That brought my eyes back up to Howie, who was hugging Nick as tightly as I had before.

That's when I figured it out, Howie was the twelfth one. He had to be.

AJ stood by my side not realizing all that was at stake. I wish I was that clueless. Right after Nick walked out of the kitchen I walked over to Howie who also had his head down. I put my hand on his shoulder, he looked so torn, so agonized, how could I have not seen it before?

"He got to you too?" I whispered, making sure that even AJ couldn't hear.

"What are you talking about?" Howie asked, before I could answer all of our heads turned towards the direction of the living room where we heard Dave say, "Brian put the gun down!"

Without saying another word we all ran to see what the heck was happening, when I got there I was stunned to see Brian, my cousin who couldn't ever bring himself to hold even a paint ball gun without flinching, holding a real gun aimed right at Dave's chest.

"Brian what are you doing?" Nick asked, visibly shaken by seeing his one time best friend holding a gun aimed at another human.

"Nick, I'm sorry but I can't let you go see Trish. Move away from Dave"

"Brian don't be stupid, put the gun down and we'll talk this through" Dave said, slowly inching his way towards my cousin. I kept my eyes down making sure that Dave was not going for a weapon of his own.

"Dave, I can't let Nick leave with you. He stays here got it?"

"Brian put the gun down" I noticed that Brian's hand was shaking viciously. So did Dave. He took three huge steps towards Brian and grabbed the gun away tackling him and making him fall to the ground. I found myself there trying to pull Dave off of my cousin. Nick and AJ now doing the same thing. Howie ran to the door and motioned for the guards, who were sitting in their car, to come and help.

While my attention was focused on Howie, Dave pushed me off of him with AJ soon following, He stood up also pulling Nick to his feet. This wasn't going to be good. Not good at all. I was hoping the guards would hurry up and get in here but "Howie shut that door now!" Dave commanded now holding the gun that Brian had held earlier right at Howie. Howie shut the door and walked back towards AJ and I. Brian just remained on the floor laying down.

Nick started struggling to break free of Dave's grasp. "Let me go" He said.

"Come on we need to go see Trish now. I am running out of time here!"

"What's with the gun man?" AJ kind of made his way behind me now, for which I was kind of happy. If anyone here took a bullet it would be me.

Upon hearing AJ's question, Dave lowered the gun, "Sorry, I just can't have you guys screwing things up. Nick and I need to go see Trish right now" Dave was still holding Nick by one arm the uneasiness really beginning to show it's way through his demeanor.

"You know...on second thought I don't think I want to go see Trish" Nick said, his voice escalated to near panic.

"It's too late for you to change your mind" then Dave looked up at me, "You think you're the only one that has a big stake in this?"

"What is he talking about Kevin?" Nick asked. I didn't answer him. I couldn't.

"Let's go Nick, it will all be over soon"

Before anyone else could protest Dave was out the door with Nick by his side being pulled along. He looked back at us, traces of confusion etched on his face. As he passed by the police car, I was sure they would get out and ask why it was that Dave was pulling Nick but they didn't even move. Nick got into the van, the same one I had been brought to Joe's with, and then they were gone.

Just like that.

When my attention was turned back to the living room, I noticed that my cousin was balling uncontrollably on the floor. Howie was sitting next to him patting his back, "Brian what's wrong?"

"He's gonna kill her"

I felt my eyes widen. I walked close to him and as he looked up at me I asked, "Kill who?"

"Leigh" I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"Brian who is going to kill Leigh? You aren't making any sense" AJ said now sitting on the other side of my cousin. Both men looked like they were ready to call a paddy wagon. I however understood completely, what I didn't get was why.

"Joe" I said. AJ and Howie looked at me like I was crazy but Brian only nodded.

Joe watched from the car that was now beginning to have that familiar smell he loved so much. The smell he kind of missed. The smell of death and decay. Dave was running late. At least five minutes behind schedule and that had Joe mildly worried. He couldn't afford to have his plan go up in smoke now. He laughed at his choice of wording. "Up in smoke, been there done that" He said laughing and smacking one of the dead guards on the back.

Just then he saw Dave leaving the house pulling Nick along, looking like it was against his will. That made Joe sit upright but seeing Nick struggle excited him just a touch. He missed seeing his young lamb squirm. He wanted more then anything else to open the car window and let Nick 'accidentally' see him, but that would have ruined the surprise.

Nick would know soon enough what would be waiting for him when he got home.

Once he saw that Dave's van was gone, Joe got out of the car, happy to breath in some fresh air and walked towards the front door of Nick's house. Yup everything was falling nicely into place.

Brian sat up now wiping the tears from his face, "How did you know?" He gained enough composure to ask me. I walked over to the sofa and sat down, "Because he threatened to kill Kristin too" I didn't even try to be soft, I figured the jig was up now. Only a matter of time before our worlds came crashing down.

"What are you guys on?" Howie asked, now I knew he was in the dark about everything. Lucky him.

I ran to the phone to call Kristin, see if she was still alive. Praying to God she was, and a wash of relief flooded me when she was the one who answered the phone, "Kris?"

"Hey baby"

"God, are you alright?" I asked her. Brian had run into the kitchen probably doing the very same thing on his cell phone to Leigh.

"Yeah I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?"

"The guy who had you...he"

"What guy? Kevin are you okay?" It was a trick, a rotten dirty trick. I was just about to say that out loud when the front door opened and in walked Joe.

I wanted to scream into the phone, hurry call the police! Maybe if I had, things wouldn't have turned out the way they did. I was silent as he walked towards me, "Tell her you'll call her later" He whispered to me.

"Honey I'll call you back" I said and before she could respond he hung the phone up on us. AJ, Howie and I all stood around staring at him. How was he even in this house? How is this even happening?

"I thought you were dead" Howie's voice sounded like mine when I had encountered Joe earlier. Total shock topped with fear.

"I'm very much alive Howie, but thanks for your concern" Brian came running into the room, "She didn't answer the phone!" He cried. When he saw Joe standing there smiling at him he almost fainted. He wobbled but grasped at a chair easing himself down onto it.

"Aww, were you calling your wife?" I felt goosebumps appearing on my flesh as he walked towards my cousin.

"Did you have her killed?"

"You failed to keep Nick from leaving, you know what that meant" Brian put both of his hands over his head as he bent down and broke into sobs.

"But, you got what you wanted, Nick is going to see Trish" I said, walking over and placed a consoling hand on Brian finding that I couldn't even look at AJ and Howie.

"You're right, But there couldn't be two winners in this game"

"I don't understand" Brian was also trying to figure out what was going on.

"Brian here was supposed to keep Nick home while you were told to make him leave. I basically wanted to see who would be more persuasive to my little lamb. Looks like you won" My cousin and I stared at each other in disbelief.

"And now Leighanne will be killed, care to say goodbye to her?" He asked holding his cell phone out to Brian as he dialed a number.

"You can't please...please don't kill her"

"Yeah it's me....kill her!" Joe said into the phone then silence. He held up the phone so we could all here the two loud cracks that rang out on the other end of the line.

"NOOO!" Brian screamed lunging for Joe, who took two steps back causing Brian to land on the floor.

We had no idea what to do. I had no idea what to do. AJ and Howie just stood in a stunned silence while I walked over to Brian and tried my best to make him feel better. Like that would have been possible. Part of me also felt relieved. That could have been MY wife.

"I don't understand what is happening here. What is happening?" AJ's whole body was trembling.

Joe stepped over Brian, who laid on the floor in a heap of grief, and took a seat on the recliner, "Well, you are in for a show young man. All we are waiting for is our star"

I was just plain confused, I was trying to wrap my head around all that had happened in my living room. Brian holding a gun at Dave? Then Dave turning the gun on Howie. Then there was that little part about Kevin having a stake in this. I clenched my fists feeling my fingernails pierce my flash as I did so. I was suddenly terrified of what would come next. I really didn't want to see Trish anymore. In fact I was beginning to not want to see Dave anymore either.

He had been so forceful with me, almost shoving me into his van, then telling me to shut up so he could think when I asked him what he meant by telling Kevin he wasn't the only one that had a stake in this.

I bit my bottom lip and moved my almost bloody palm up to the handle by the window to hold on for dear life as Dave picked up speed and nearly crashed into two cars waiting at a traffic light.

"Dave slow down"

"Can't"

"Why not? What is going on?" He ignored me and continued to make his way down the winding streets leading to the highway. Once on the highway, he finally spoke, the words causing chills to go down my spine.

"Nick, how long have I worked for you guys?"

"Wow for a while. Why?"

"Yes, for a while. In fact I remember when you turned 16. The huge surprise party the guys had for you" I nodded still a little confused.

"We have been through a lot together haven't we?" I nodded again, still not entirely sure where this conversation was going. I wasn't sure I wanted to know anymore, suddenly I wasn't trusting Dave with my life as I so readily used to.

My attention turned to a car that passed us by. It was a red convertible loaded with teenagers. How in the heck could they afford a car like that? One of the girls, a little blonde looked at me and smiled. I smiled back, then they picked up speed and left us behind.

"Dave, what is going on?" I turned to him in wonder as he continued to drive, both hands on the steering wheel at two and ten. Firmly going over the speed limit.

"Remember my son Nick?"

"Yeah...cute little kid, how is he?"

"I don't know, I haven't seen him in a while"

"Dave, if you want a vacation, just say the word, you can take off as much time as you nee.."

"No it's not that easy"

I bit my bottom lip, "Are you having problems with your wife?"

He laughed. I wasn't sure if I should laugh a long or not. Did I say something funny? Or stupid? Not that I would think there was anything funny about having marital problems, so it was probably the latter.

"We can't have problems anymore, she's dead" I felt my jaw drop in surprise. How in the hell did I not know about that.

"God, Dave I'm so sorry"

"Sure you are" His mean words sounded hate filled.

"No, I really am, why wouldn't I be?"

"Because it's all your fault" He took his gaze away from the road and stared at me. All I saw was pure hatred shining in the reflection of his eyes. Hatred for me.

"What? How?"

He remained quiet, refusing to answer my question. How could he possibly leave me hanging with words as accusatory as those? But then I saw why, we had arrived at our destination.

"Don't say a word, let me do the talking" He said as we approached the barb wire gate leading into the prison's parking lot. Visiting hours were long over and now the guards by the gate held their hands on their guns as our van approached.

Dave rolled down his window and smiled at the guards, "Yes, how may I help you?" The one closest to his window asked.

"I am here to pick up my sister, she works in the cafeteria"

"Name?"

"Caroline Craig" The man looked at the staff list and then motioned for the other guard to open up the gate. Once the gate was opened, he waved his hand at the one, while I smiled at the other. Still confused.

Once through we drove around where the workers would normally park and left the car to idle as we waited. "Dave, who the hell is Caroline?"

No answer

"And why aren't we going in to see Trish like you said, I mean you made it sound so important"

He looked at me with his hate filled eyes but again said nothing, only went back to fixing his gaze on the entrance.

"Dave? What the hell.."

"Shut up!" He raised his hand in the air as if to say, next word I'm going to punch you right in the face. I automatically recoiled. My eyes shifted to the front door. I could probably open it and make a run for the inside before he was even out the door. He was bigger but I was faster. I slowly put my hand on the handle, ready to open and run when I heard the locks click. I turned to him and was met with his smile, "Sit tight, you aren't going anywhere"

I nervously wiped away the beads of sweat that were trickling their way down the back of my neck. "You want to know why this is all your fault?"

No, I really didn't.

"Because I didn't do what I should have done over six months ago"

"And what was that?" My voice cracked, edged with fear.

"I should have killed you kiddo" My body started to tremble, I heard my knees knock.

"But NO, I refused so he had my wife killed, actually he may have done it himself. Who the hell knows"

"I don't understand.."

He laughed again but there was a sadness to it, "You are dumb aren't you?"

"Joe?" I asked, like I didn't already know the answer. Like calling a pizza delivery place and asking if they deliver.

He nodded, "But I'm not going to make the same mistake twice" I looked down at the floor, suddenly realizing that this was probably the last time I would be seen alive. In this car, with someone I had thought was a friend, picking up his sister from work. Was he going to kill me here? Or after she got in the car?

"Here she comes" He sat upright. I licked my tears from my cheeks and looked past him to his window, and saw a woman making her way towards our car. "No backing out now" I heard him say under his breath.

Once she was standing right by the sliding van door, he got out and unlocked it for her, this was my only chance to run away. The door was unlocked and I could have gotten out of there, I would have but three words froze me long enough for Dave to get back into the car and lock the doors again.

"Hi sweat pea"

Joe watched the scene before him as he sat comfortably, one leg dangling off the side of one of Nicks' big plush chairs. He held the gun down, not aimed at anyone but right at his side, ready to use in a second if need be. He really had no reason to worry since he had tied both Howie and AJ to kitchen chairs that he first had them drag into the living room. Kevin was still lose but very busy trying to console his extremely bereft cousin. Brian was slunk down on the floor holding both hands up to his face and rocking back and forth. Still sobbing uncontrollably. It took all of Joe's strength to not just do everyone a favor and blow his whiny head off right there, but that would have ruined all the fun.

He had sat in silence since telling Brian the news and letting them know the best was yet to come. He couldn't wait to see his sister, but even more so, he was finally going to be reunited with his lamb. Everything always worked out in the end. Just like it was meant to be.

After enough time went by, he decided to start plan B. He moved his dangling leg back to the front of the chair and leaned his elbows on his knees, bending closer to Brian and his cousin.

"How are you doing buddy?" He whispered. He could sound so sincere when he wanted to. So caring.

Kevin gazed up at Joe, "Don't you dare to talk to him you son of a bitch!"

"Kevin, you are very correct. I was indeed the son of quite a nasty bitch! Boy if you hated me you would have hated the hell out of her" He laughed at his own joke, but no one seemed much in the mood for laughter.

"You guys never really did have much of a sense of humor" He stood up and started to walk around the living room, stopping at Nick's fireplace. There so proudly displayed on the mantle piece were pictures of him and his family. "I remember when he had pictures of all of you up here. I guess things change huh?" He moved from the fireplace and grabbed Kevin before he knew what to expect. Kevin struggled in the bigger man's hold but Joe had him in such a strong headlock he was helpless to do much more then follow him.

"Let him go!" Howie said struggling with the ropes binding his wrists in place. Joe glanced Howie's way and smiled, he then brought Kevin into the kitchen and tied him to one of the chairs. Once tied he picked up Kevin in the chair and brought him in, placing him right next to Howie.

"Happy now?" He asked the Latino, who looked ready to puke up everything he had ever eaten because of his nerves.

Happy with how things have turned out thus far, he once again turned his attention on Brian, who in his grief didn't even try to help his cousin break free from Joe when he had the chance.

"You know kid, none of this would have ever happened if you had just left Nick in that cabin with me"

"Shut up! Don't listen to him Brian" Kevin yelled glancing at his cousin's vacant stare.

"Leighanne would be sitting with you in your living room in Georgia laughing and smiling. Didn't she have a beautiful smile?"

"I said shut up!" Joe ignored Kevin and continued, "You know, if you weren't here because of Nick constantly needing your attention, you would have been there with her right now. Not here mourning" As Joe moved closer to him, Brian pulled his head down, staring at the floor.

"You know if I were you. I would hate Nick right now. If he had only listened to you.."

"Damn it!! Brian don't listen to this screw ball he is insane" Joe snapped his head over to AJ and moved at him with such ferocity that AJ actually let out a scream. "Don't you ever call me INSANE!! Do you understand?" He said clasping AJ by the neck and spitting the words into his face. AJ trembling in fear just nodded. Once Joe saw that, he let go, "Okay...good then" He walked back over to Brian and knelt by his side.

Brian still refused to make eye contact with this man. He didn't think he would ever be able to make eye contact with anyone ever again. "So like I was saying, all he had to do was listen to you and Leighanne, bless her heart, would still be alive"

"You still would have killed her" He said in such a low sad voice Joe had to move in to hear him.

"NO I wouldn't have. This is all Nick's fault. Aren't you mad at him?"

"No"

"Well, you should be. Think about it Brian, how many times did you have to leave her side because of him?" Brian began to ignore Joe again, it was making him mad, he thought it was going to be easier to infuriate Brian.

"All the late night phone calls, all the time you had to come here because he was too scared to be alone"

"He was scared of you" Kevin yelled from across the room.

"I know, but even still. Did you know that once Leigh called here and he didn't give you the message?" That made Brian look up, once he saw Brian's tear stained face he continued, "That's right. I was watching" Joe pointed to the monitors, "He took the call, rolled his eyes and then deleted the message"

"I'm not listening to you anymore"

"Do you think if the tables were turned, he would just be sitting here listening to me like you are, being as wussy as you are?"

Brian didn't respond.

"No! He would have came at you with his bare hands, probably strangled you to death"

Brian sighed and wiped at a few stray tears. "But then again, he REALLY loves HIS family"

"I love my family"

"Oh yes I see that" Joe rolled his eyes.

"What do you know?" Now the anger Joe was hoping for made it's way across Brian's face.

"I know that if you really loved Leighanne, when Nick walked through that door you would kill him yourself"

"I would never hurt Nick"

"Yes, you would. In fact you were ready to give him right to me, tell me how that is so different. Seems like you and me are a lot alike aren't we?"

"Shut up" Brian held his hands to his ears. "Brian if you don't do this. No one in your family will ever be safe. Think I'll just finish with Leigh? No, she was just the beginning. Think about your Mom and Dad Brian, think about your brother"

"No!" He started to cry once again. Joe walked over and handed him the gun, "You just aim at the door, and pull the trigger. Simple as that"

Brian looked at his bandmates who were all terrified and crying. Their lives would never be the same after tonight. No matter what happened.

"So, what do you say? Do you want it to end tonight?" Brian nodded, he took the gun from Joe.

"I do" Brian said quietly as he stood up and turned the gun around in his hands.

"So all it comes down to is who you love. Who do you love Brian?" Joe backed away looking at his handy work.

"Leighanne" he said as he closed his eyes, aimed the gun at his own head and pulled the trigger...

I couldn't help but stare at her as she placed her seatbelt around her waist, looking up at me and smiling as she did it. She seemed so calm and collected. Prison aged her a bit, she looked pale and her once bright full head of hair had now started to turn a slight shade of gray.

"David sweetie, you might want to go now before anyone starts to miss me"

Now Dave on the other hand, was so nervous he could barely control the shaking of his hands. I decided to put my seatbelt back on since I had a feeling this was going to be one hell of a bumpy ride.

"If they ask you..."

"I know, I'm your sister"

"They won't ask though, but just in case" She placed a comforting hand on his shoulder, "Dave, it's going to be okay, they won't even know I'm gone until it's way too late"

"How?" I asked, still straining to look back at her. It's weird, she was almost like Medusa to me. So evil but I was entranced. How was it that she was sitting in this car with me, when she was supposed to be in prison for the rest of her life? Was it that easy to escape a high security prison or was this all a really rotten dream?

"I'm in solitary, I got into a fist fight and they put me in solitary for three days. Just like we had planned"

"But won't they notice you're not there? I mean you just can't leave" That's when it finally dawned on me, I was aiding a fugitive. One that I had help put behind bars myself.

I knew what I needed to do, I needed to let those guards at the gate know. Not sure how exactly, but I would. I clenched the door handle with my hand as Trish answered my question.

"But I am in there Nicky my love. You see, they never fully open the door when you are in solitary, they give me my meals through a slot. They also peer in from time to time to make sure I'm still alive" She licked her lips and looked at herself in the rearview mirror, frowning she continued, "One of the cafeteria ladies agreed to switch places with me. A guard who follows my brother, helped make the switch. It all worked out fine"

"Follows your brother?" I was totally confused, this was all a bit much. There were so many questions I had. So many things I needed to know. Not that any of it mattered anymore, that much I figured out already.

"His Apostles sweet pea. Like Dave here" I looked over at Dave in disbelief, well not in total disbelief because I never knew who to trust anymore. But then she said..

"And Kevin and Brian" The names of my two friends hung in the air right over my head before piercing through my heart like a cold steel blade.

I looked back at her, eyes opened wide with shock, "What did you say?"

"You weren't supposed to tell him that"

Trish leaned in and placed both hands on the back of David's seat, "And why not? Doesn't he have the right to know?"

"Joe wanted to tell him"

I listened to the words they were saying but I just couldn't comprehend anymore. Tears just started to come down my face. "Howie and AJ too?" I managed to choke out.

"No kiddo, not them, besides they couldn't help it Nick they..." Dave abruptly stopped as they neared the gate, "Okay remember we are calm and cool!" He placed a forceful hand on my arm, "Right" I nodded.

"If you mess this up in any way Nick, my brother will kill your friends so I would just do what Dave asks okay honey muffin?"

How insane do you have to be to threaten the lives of four other people and then end the statement with honey muffin?

Dave slowed down and opened his window as we approached the gate, adrenaline rushing through my veins. Trish sat back and pulled the baseball cap that was sitting next to her on her head and lowered it down trying to cover her face as much as possible.

Dave waved to the guards as we passed them by but his smile quickly faded when he saw one of the guards motioning for him to stop. I felt my breath catching in my throat and think I actually may have started to hyperventilate. If these guys found Trish in this car, my friends were dead. That's what she said. "Calm down!" Dave hissed at me, "You look guilty a sin"

"Gun?" Trish whispered pretending to be asleep in the back.

"Yup right under my seat"

"Is there a problem officer?" Dave said, a relative calmness heard in his voice.

"The guard took his flashlight and shined it in the van. I held up my hands to avoid the sudden brightness. If this man recognized me, the jig was going to be up and fast. Dave's hand searched under his seat. I was just bracing myself for what might happen next.

"I wanted you to know that your back right tire is very low, you might want to go put some air in it before it blows" Immediately Dave moved his hand away from where his gun was and relaxed it at his side.

"Thanks man, will do" The guard gave him a salute and then walked away from the car.

Trish started laughing from the back. More like cackling actually. "See, My dear heart? It's all part of God's plan don't you think so David?"

Dave looked tired and drained, "Whatever you say, I just want my son back. I could give a damn what happens to you or your brother"

"Aw, poor Davey. I'm so sorry you had to go through all this. First losing your lovely wife and then your son being taken away"

I noticed Dave's grip tighten on the steering wheel. "I am on a mission from God Dave. It will all be over soon enough I promise. Nicky are you ready?" I refused to answer her. Why I wasn't arguing, kicking or screaming, I have no clue. I just sat in that van lost and silent. Probably like how people reacted hearing the drums beating outside their prison walls waiting to go before the guillotine. A quiet calm before the storm.

She paused a little while before continuing, "How does my brother look these days anyway?" She took off her baseball cap and tossed it back on the seat, grabbing a hair tie from her pocket she placed her hair up in a make shift bun.

"Same, but crazier" I actually laughed when Dave said that. How in the world did I manage that?

"Better not let him hear you say that David, my brother takes his sanity very seriously"

"What's going to happen next?" I unlocked my seatbelt and turned my body to see Trish. She smiled at me sympathetically, "I know it hasn't been easy for you Nick. I really do and I'm so sorry" For just a minute, there she was. The Trish that I had known for years and years, the Trish who's shoulder I cried on more then once. The Trish I loved like an older sister or Mother. Before honey muffin's or sweet pea's came into the picture.

"It's going to get harder isn't it? Please tell me, I deserve the right to know what I am walking into"

"Nick, believe me I hate this more than you do" Now Dave seemed to relax into his normal personality, well besides being a liar and fink.

"What do Kevin and Brian have to do with any of this?" I allowed myself to ask. I wanted to know, felt I deserved the right to know how it was that those two guys could have ANYTHING to do with it. I was hoping it wasn't willing.

"Joe has something that Kevin and Brian want sweet pea" Oh, God, that's when I knew. He had Kristin and Leighanne.

"Are they okay?"

"I hope so, but to be honest Nick, I think one of them might already be dead"

"Oh my God...who?" I asked already shedding tears at their betrayal.

"Leighanne"

I put my hand up to my mouth, Leigh was dead because of me? "How? I mean why?"

"God's will" Trish said from the back seat. I put my hands up to my face and cried for Leighanne. Cried for Brian and how bad he must have been feeling, and crying for myself at how horribly I had been betrayed by everyone. I was almost glad it would all be over soon. I found I no longer had a burning desire to live. Maybe Trish was right, maybe it was God's will. Why else would he put me through this hell?

"This world is an ugly ugly place Nicky. An ugly place" She said almost sing song like as we traveled up the highway and back towards my house.

The room was quiet. Time seemed to stand still as Brian placed the gun up to his temple and pulled the trigger. He had closed his eyes hoping to not see the shot that would soon end his life, while suddenly the room burst forth in noise. Kevin, AJ and Howie all yelling and struggling with so much aggression that they actually tumbled themselves over, lying splayed out on the ground. They looked like tied up dying fish Joe thought. Then the sound...

CLICK

CLICK

CLICK

CLICK

CLICK

All the boys looked up from their positions waiting to see their friend, cousin, and brother fall dead to the floor. The sight before them was almost as scary, Brian holding the gun at his head and firing shot after shot. Eyes now open but staring blankly.

CLICK

After the last click of the gun, Joe walked over and pried the gun out of Brian's hands, "Did you actually think I would give you a loaded gun?" He took the gun and held it to his own head pulling the trigger to nothing but a click.

"Tsk tsk tsk....Don't think so" Joe then pulled Brain over to where the rest of them were on the floor and sat him down on a chair, binding his arms and legs. "I just wanted to see what you would do, I have to admit Brian, you surprised me a little" Brian looked at him, with a blank stare. "I recognize that stare Brian" He went over and picked Kevin back up to a sitting position and did the same with the other two, "I had that very same look on MY face as I laid there dying in my burning house" He felt Kevin's death glare penetrate his head as he continued to calmly talk to Brian, "You know what I mean? you kind of get it in your head that you will die, you pray to whatever you think exists out there and beg for forgiveness to anyone that will listen"

Brian didn't seem to be listening to him at all, so Joe slapped him in the face, "Snap out of it boy!"

"Leave him alone! Haven't you done enough?" Howie cried out. It seemed that the other two had reached the stage of being beyond words.

"Brian, I really thought I was going to die, imagine how I felt knowing that I would burn to death and that it was your fault it was going to happen? Well you and your stupid cousin over there" He moved back to his original spot on the chair once again hiking his leg up onto the arm. "I was mad when he came and got me out of the fire at first. I was that set on dying"

"Who saved you?" Kevin finally found his voice again after watching Brian almost die.

"Some guy, I guess he saw the fire and tried to do a good deed"

Then for no reason he started to laugh. "Don't you see? You can't kill me, I'm indestructible!"

"No you aren't" AJ said keeping his head bowed down staring at his bound feet. Joe stood up and pretended to walk towards AJ, hoping to see that familiar wince. When he did he laughed and sat back down. Joe smiled at them all, this was working out rather nicely.

"Aw heck I can't keep this up anymore" All eyes turned to Joe.

"Leighanne is fine. No one was going to kill her or Kristin for that matter. They were never in danger at all"

"What?" Brian asked now pulling his head up and coming back from the faraway place he had been since hearing the news in the first place.

"You're lying, she's dead"

Joe walked over to Brian picking up his cell phone. He dialed Brian's home phone number and held it to his prisoner's ear as it rang. "As soon as she picks up I'm hanging up" He said as he watched for Brian's reaction.

The phone rang three times before she answered, "Hello?"

When Brian heard the voice of his wife on the other end of the line he instantly began to cry. Before she could identify his voice, Joe pulled the phone away and hung up.

"I lied" Joe said raising an eyebrow and glancing back and forth from Brian to Kevin, "I lied to you both to get you back for ruining my plans in the first place. If it weren't for the two of you, I would have never had to go to this extreme, I would never have had to watch as my sister went to jail and Nick would not have to go through what I am going to put him through now" Everyone was stunned. Wanting so much to be happy but yet knowing something horrible was soon to come.

"Don't you see? Now not only does Nick have to die in front of all of you, but he will die feeling like he has no friends in the world"

"You are a sick son of a bitch" Brian growled, Joe smiled at him, "What does that make you then?"

Joe turned towards the door as he heard the sound of an approaching car, and the headlights shining into the living room made his smile widen, "Ah...looks like the show is about to start" He moved towards the door and stood just waiting for it to open.

As we entered my driveway and passed by the police car that still seemed to have the guys who had been playing cards earlier in it, I knew they must have been dead. An overwhelming sense of dread overcame me and I found myself shaking. My knees were actually knocking against one another.

"Alright, let's get this over with shall we?" Dave said as he looked at me with such anguish. He opened his door and Trish slide herself out of the back. I understandably had no burning desire to go anywhere and waited until I was pretty much pulled out of the car by force. Why make this easy?

Dave grabbed my arm and pulled me to my front door. I heard my dogs ferociously barking in their pen behind the house. How I wished I had let them in earlier today. Trish and Dave looked at each other, I only stared ahead at the door knob. I knew he was on the other side of that door. I also knew my friends, or enemies, whatever you called them were there too.

"No matter what happens", I whispered to myself as I was pushed into the lead, "This is no ones fault but Joe and Trish"

Dave started for the door, ironically by instinct. Always the first person through to asses the area for danger or threats. I really believed by the look in his eyes, he wanted to go first. He didn't want to be doing this.

"I think you need to go first buddy" Dave said as he moved out of the way. I gave him a smile, why die angry right? Then I looked back at Trish who had a look of deep concentration on her face. I took a deep breath and opened the door.

I took two steps in before I saw his face. "Welcome back my little lamb" He said, before I felt a very hot burning sensation in my mid section. I felt weak as I heard shouts of NO!! in the background. I looked down at the bloody knife that Joe was holding, the same one that had just found it's way into my stomach.

It hurt at first, but not as much as I had always imagined it would hurt. You know you see movies when someone is stabbed in the stomach or chest and they just kind of look surprised, but not in pain. That must've been what it looked like for me. The shock of it happening, far outweighed the level of pain. In fact, it sounded as if it hurt my band mates more then me by the way they were screaming and crying out my name.

I pulled away from Joe as he watched, smiling wide. I didn't want to fall on him, but my ever weakening knees started to buckle so I grabbed onto his shoulders before I completely lost my balance. He lowered me down to the floor, his eyes locking on mine while that smile remained on his face.

"Welcome home by pet" He whispered to me. Once my body was lowered to the floor and I laid still on my back, that's when the pain hit. It's hard to describe really but I'll try my best, it felt more like a burn then a stab. Maybe that's how it's supposed to feel. I don't know, but it burned, from the inside out. My stomach felt like it was on fire and the pain was rapidly making it's way upwards. I found myself gasping for breath, even though I was having no trouble breathing at all.

Joe stood up and walked over to Trish who looked as surprised as I had. He grabbed her in a hug and twirled her in a circle while holding her in his arms. "Trish, I have missed you SO much" He kept saying over and over again. Every time her face passed my still form, she looked down and winced.

Dave made his way over to me and placed his hand on my stomach, I let out a yelp of pain, "It's not that bad" He whispered, but when his hand came away from my abdomen, it was covered with blood.

The yells of the guys started to be a little more defined as I was now beginning to make out words, "Nick say something please!" I turned my head, careful to keep the rest of my body still and glanced over to the voices. Kevin was the one speaking to me. The other's mouths were moving but I couldn't make out what they were saying. My vision was also growing blurry.

I think I might have been dying.

"A figure was making his way over, Dave got up and ran towards the big turtle, at least that's what it looked like to me, a big turtle. I like turtles.

"Let me go!" The turtle cried out. I tried to tell Dave to stop but I couldn't get any words out. So, I just watched as Dave grabbed the turtle and dragged him back towards the fireplace. He screamed the whole time.

Joe walked over to me again and kneeled at my side, Trish was next to me too. She held my hand in hers, "Everything's okay Nick"

"Don't lie to him Trish"

She looked back at me and smiled, I closed my eyes thinking she had a great smile.

When Nick closed his eyes, everything stopped. The shouts from the other boys, the struggle, the pain in their eyes as well as Trish's. No one moved or spoke. Joe leaned over the boy and placed his hands on his neck to check for a pulse, "He's alive boys, don't fear. I only gave him a little jab with that thing, you know, to get him ready for the real event"

"He looks so peaceful when he's asleep. I always thought he looked like an angel" Trish added bending over Nick, wiping away some of his hair from his face and kissing him gently on the forehead.

"YOU STAY AWAY FROM HIM!!" AJ said once again knocking himself down and trying to crawl over to where Nick lay unconscious, dragging the chair he was tied to with him. Dave followed AJ closely, the last thing he wanted was anyone else to get hurt tonight. Joe turned his eyes towards AJ and started to laugh, "Relax Alex, it's probably best that he isn't awake anyway. He is going to have a long night ahead of him"

"What are you going to do to him?" Brian asked his gaze still transfixed on Nick's lifeless body, blood visibly seen pooling under him.

"You don't really care do you?" Joe walked over towards Brian once more while Trish remained at Nick's side, holding his hand and sweeping her other hand across his flushed face.

"Of course I care, we all care"

"Okay then, well obviously I'm going to kill him"

"No!" Kevin yelled, his tone deep and fierce.

"You are in no position to order me around boy"

"Joe, haven't you caused us all enough pain? Why don't you just go away and leave us all alone?" Brian asked looking up through hate filled eyes.

"Brian, I promise you, that this will all be over soon enough"

"What about us?" Howie dared to ask, "What are you going to do with us after you kill Nicky?" He spoke the word kill as if it would do that very thing to him. Slowly and methodically spitting out the word.

He smiled and walked back over to Nick, caressing his sister's hair and then grabbing Nick's collar and dragging him along the floor closer to where his band mates were stationed. As he slid along the floor he left a trail of blood dotting a path across the room. Kevin couldn't even stand to look at Nick or the blood. On the other end, there was Brian who seemed to be entranced by it. Staring his unblinking eyes at his little brother. This all seemed so pointless. All of it.

Joe interrupted Brian's thoughts by taking a seat right next to Nick on the floor, keeping his hand placed on Nick's heart as he spoke. The contact brought about a moan from the unconscious one. Who grimaced and licked his lips but did not open his eyes.

"Brian, you're a man of faith aren't you?" Brian still staring at Nick had no desire to answer Joe or even acknowledge his presence.

"Okay fine, be that way..I happen to know the answer to that question anyway" Joe was acting like a child. He stuck his tongue out at Brian before resuming his very serious, and half crazed trance he seemed to have about his words and movements. Trish came over and stood behind him putting a protective hand on his shoulder.

"In the book of Matthew, Brian, there are many great parables in there. I think that's why out of all the chapter's in my Father's book, that one is my favorite, well besides the book of Revelation that is" He kept his hand on Nick's chest and the look on Howie's face made it seem like he was trying to move it with his mind. Brian still stared at Nick's slightly opened eyes as Joe spoke.

"In Matthew chapter 18, he talks about a man who has a herd of 100 sheep. When one leaves the flock what happens?" Brian ignored him, just focusing on Nick, but when Joe pressed his hands harder onto Nick's chest to the point of it being physically uncomfortable for his friend, he was forced to answer.

"He goes and looks for the one sheep" Joe smiled, took his hand away from Nick briefly and clapped, "Very good. See? I knew you have read that before" Then he turned his gaze down to Nick, "See Nicky? Brian read the Bible. Too bad you didn't" His gaze once again focused on the Backstreeters, "I tried to get this boy to read the Bible while he was my guest, but he refused"

Joe stood up using Nick as an anchor for his weight. Nick groaned as Joe lifted himself off the floor. Kevin looked ready to spring from his chair. "You see? The shepherd left all the other sheep, all 99 of them, to tend to the one that got away" He moved so close to the angry Kevin that Kevin could've taken a chunk out of his ear if he wanted to. He actually sat on top of Kevin and continued, "See Kevin, because that one sheep got away, the shepherd just concentrated on that one because he knew that when he finally did catch that sheep, it would make him ecstatic" Kevin turned away from him and tightened his face. Howie tried to stop Kevin knowing what he was ready to do, but it was too late. He turned back towards Joe and spit in his face, "If you kill that boy, you better kill me first because I swear to God I will tear you from limb to limb"

Joe smiled and laughed, then licked Kevin's spit off of himself before standing up and kicking Nick as he walked away. Nick didn't even budge when he was kicked which had the other's frantically searching his eyes again. Luckily they were met with Nick smiling at them. How he could smile was beyond them all.

Joe was over by Trish who was whispering something consoling into his ear. Once happy again he turned back towards the boys, this time concentrating on Nick again. He squatted down close to him, "Okay my little lamb, this next one is for you" He was speaking in an oddly gentle voice, even a little high pitched for his low gruff voice.

"In the same chapter of Matthew, right after the parable about the sheep, Jesus says if your brother commits some wrong against you, go and point out his fault" He pretended to get sad almost near tears as he continued, "Nick, it pains me to tell you this, but I have to tell you about a wrong two of your brothers have committed against you" Nick closed his eyes, knowing what would come next but not really excited about it, "Kevin and Brian were ready to betray you tonight Nick. In fact, they have been for a very long time. It was Kevin who sent you to me" Nick kept his eyes closed but now was joined by Kevin and Brian who both found no more strength in them to keep their own eyes open.

"Brian has been betraying you this entire time. He would have had me kill you my lamb" Joe was annoyed that he didn't even see so much as a tear come down from Nick's eyes. This made his tone harden a bit, "Didn't you hear me Nick? Your friends, the people you look to as brothers both totally sold you out to me" Nick kept his eyes closed but then began to laugh.

This totally surprised them all but infuriated Joe, who watched with a total look of disgust on his face as Nick opened his eyes, sat up and continued, "You loser! I already knew that. And the only reason they sold me out was because you had threatened to kill their wives. I would have done the same thing if I were them"

Joe's face turned a shade of red, "What did you just say?" Howie glared at Nick with big warning eyes, afraid that if he angered the man anymore, he would end up dead instantly. Nick took a deep breath and sat straight up this time, Howie could tell it took every ounce of strength he had to do that. "I said, I already knew" Then he managed to scoot over to where Brian was and placed a hand on his knee, "I'm so sorry about Leigh Bri, I really am"

That made his friend smile as a tear came down his face, feeling a great sense of relief, he gladly said, "She's alive Nicky. It's okay. Kris is too" He then looked over to Kevin and gave him a reassuring smile.

Kevin mouthed the words I'm sorry but before Nick could react, Joe flew off the handle, "What do you mean you knew? Who the hell told you?" He grabbed Nick up by his collar and stood him on his feet. "Get the hell off of him" A loud and angry Howie called as AJ once again struggled to break free. Joe was in a new world and didn't even care what else was going on around him, "Who told you? Answer me dammit!" He was shaking Nick violently by his collar, Nick struggling to break free of his grasp. Dave just looked on unsure of what to do.

It was Trish that made the first move, "I told him sweetheart"

Joe stopped shaking Nick and dropped him to the floor. He fell in a heap and immediately huddled himself up in a ball. Joe turned to his sister and started to slowly walk up to her, her face showing no sign of fear but her legs moving backwards with every step he took towards her.

"How could you do that to me?" He was shaking now, "Honey calm down, I had no idea you didn't want him to know"

"You ruined my plans" He didn't even sound like himself anymore, his voice very low and almost sounding demonic. "You ruined it all! He was supposed to die feeling like he had no friends in the world and you ruined that" He then swiftly moved over to his sister and slapped her in the face so hard that she went sailing across the floor.

"Joe!!" Nick screamed now making himself stand, his legs still very wobbly but his voice didn't reflect the weakness his body was feeling. Joe sprung around at the mention of his name.

"It doesn't matter if she told me or not! I knew they were my friends. Your little plan failed!"

"Not quite" Joe said grabbing his knife once again and headed for Nick...

They say that right before you die, you see a light, and hear the sounds of angels singing. At least that is what my grandparents used to tell me. Maybe it was their way of helping me to cope with their deaths, maybe it was a way of having me come to grips with my own one day. But when I saw Joe charging at me with knife in hand, knowing full well I was going to die, I didn't hear angels singing, I didn't see lights. All I saw was hate.

This man hated me so much he was going to kill me, for doing nothing more then simply existing. Sure he called it love. He called me a lamb, even possessive calling me HIS little lamb, but when it came down to it, he hated me enough to kill me. I didn't run. I didn't try to block myself from the blow. In that moment, at that time, I wanted to die. I wasn't sure if I wanted to live in a world where people like this man and his crazy sister existed. I didn't think I wanted to deal with the pain all of this was going to cause. So I just stood there smiling as he came at me. If nothing else I wanted to show him that in the end, he didn't scare me.

Trish on the other hand had her own agenda.

"JOE! Wait!!" Joe stopped, dead in his tracks and looked back at his sister. When she saw that she had his full attention, she continued, "Baby, we have to do this the right way. Don't you think? I mean we have to do this the way it was intended"

He turned to look at me again and smiled. "I know. You're right. Mom was telling me to do it now"

"I know sweetheart. But don't listen to her okay? Listen to me" He walked over to Trish and hugged her.

I fell to the floor, I had no more strength. I couldn't deal with this anymore. I looked over to my friends, who I temporarily forgot were even there with a look of total defeat on my face. They all seemed lost in their own thoughts. I think their brains had shut down just like mine had.

Joe was blubbering like a complete idiot in his sisters arms. I forced myself up off of the ground and inched a little closer to them, not even caring about my miserable life anymore. I wanted the guys to come out of this okay. If I could figure out a way to get them out of there, I would die a happy man. So I inched closer and closer to them as she talked about their parents as if they were standing in this very room with us. To Joe, maybe they were.

Kevin was the first one to realize that I was slowly making my way over to where he was sitting. He started to fidget and play with the ropes that bound his wrists to the chair. They all did. Dave was looking out the front window, making sure nothing askew was going on out there. So I slowly walked past Trish and Joe and headed towards Kevin.

"But they hate me Trish. Mom and Dad think I'm a wuss"

"No they don't dear"

"Yes they do. She is telling me right now! SHUT UP I HATE YOU I HATE YOU!"

The pain was stopping me from making it all the way. I had to sit back down on the floor. I knew the cut wasn't that deep. Not fatally deep but it still hurt like a bitch and I had to hyperventilate before getting it under control. All the guys could do was look on in fear.

"I am not a wimp dad I will kill him! I will!" Joe was screaming. Trish grabbed onto him tighter, tears streaming down her own face. She looked over at me, I actually stared up at her. She didn't make a sound or a motion to let her brother know what I had planned on doing.

"You need to calm down Joseph. Mom and dad can't hurt you anymore"

"I know but they will never leave me alone. I just want them to leave me alone"

I was now only inches away from Kevin, choosing to crawl to him instead of stand up and face that level of pain again. He turned showing me his bound hands and I started to work at the knot.

"Comeoncomeoncomeoncomeon" He chanted like a mantra as I did my best to undo his hands but my own were slippery with my blood and no matter how hard I tired, I couldn't get the knot out.

"Nick he's coming back" Brian whispered. I bowed my head ready for whatever would come next. Joe grabbed me up from the floor and threw me to the middle of the room.

"What do you think you are doing little lamb?"

"Let them go Joe. Please" I begged, looking back at my friends.

"No, you stay...they stay"

Trish was now holding a gun. Loading it up with bullets. "Why the gun?" I asked.

"Because first you die then it's their turn"

"NO!" I screamed, tears of frustration finally falling from my eyes.

"Oh come on Nickolas, you didn't actually think I would let them live did you?"

I couldn't answer. I was beyond words or rational thought anymore. I just laid there not saying a word. Turns out I would die crying instead of smiling. Giving Joe complete and total satisfaction. Joe nodded to Trish and then he swiftly brought my already tired body to a full on laying down position.

"Now it will be done the way it should have been all along" He said grabbing the little knife once again in his hands, still red with my own blood. I looked up at Trish, she was standing directly over her brother like his shadow. The gun raised in the air. Pointed right at me.

"Father into your hands I condemn this spirit..." He was praying over me, I wasn't listening. Instead I looked over at my brothers. I wanted to tell them so much, beginning with how sorry I was for all of this. This shouldn't have happened. I could have prevented it all way back when. They had tears in their eyes and were all frantically struggling to break free.

I found my smile again. And I found my voice "I love you guys" I said refusing to watch the knife go up in the air. Refusing to look at death head on. I wanted the last faces I saw, to be the ones of the people I cared about. I closed my eyes when I heard Joe now screaming the words "Mizpah Nick!!"

Then the gunshot, it rang through my ears so loudly that I think I may have passed out. I felt something warm oozing onto me as I laid there. Then the dead weight. The smell was too much to bare. It was a rancid hot smell. The sound of screaming and crying forced my eyes open. I saw Trish kneeling beside me on the floor rocking back and forth. Crying hysterically.

I was confused. The boys were all silent and just staring at me. Was I dead? Dave walked over and pushed Joe's body off of me. It fell with a huge thud on the floor his glazed over eyes staring back at me. Tendrils of smoke still coming from the hole that the bullet had left in his head.

I heard a scream as the boys continued to struggle with their ropes. "Nick calm down. It's okay just calm down. Your fine Nicky. It'll all be fine" Howie shouted above the screams. Dave walked over to me and placed a hand on my shoulder. I was now sitting up, but I didn't remember getting that way. "It's over kid" He said. That's when I realized the screaming was coming from me.

Dave walked over to help loosen the others from their chairs as I sat staring at Trish gently rocking and patting her dead brother's back. As if he had a bad case of the hiccups or something.

"Eli Eli lema sabachthani" She kept saying over and over again. All I could do was stare. thankfully my screaming had stopped shortly after I realized it was my own mouth the cries were coming from.

Trish stopped. It was weird, but she just stopped and stood up. Like she was just able to turn off all of her emotions. She looked over at me and smiled. She really did have a great smile, but it was an unmistakably crazy one.

"I had to do it. I had to make things right. It was my calling Nick. I had to do it"

"Thank you Trish. I don't know how to thank you"

"Don't thank me. It's not over yet" Suddenly her voice turned cold. It made everybody look at her. By now Dave had managed to untie both Howie and Kevin and was now working on Brian.

"It ends today. It ends right now. I must make things right"

She once again grabbed the gun in her hands and I once again tried to hear that chorus of angels. The last word I remember saying was "NO!!!"

"Are you sure that's the last thing you remember Nick?" I looked up from the courthouse floor and nodded at the lawyer.

"Thank you Mr. Carter you may step down" I once again nodded this time to the judge and walked out of the courtroom, past the waiting reporters and right into my car. And finally away from this whole mess.

I sat quiet in the back seat, thankful that I had spent the extra money for dark windows. I didn't want anyone to see me inside. Not now or ever again. "How you holding up kiddo?" I felt a reassuring hand on my knee and I looked over at Kevin and smiled. "I'm doing okay"

"It's finally over Nick" Brian whispered to me sitting on the other side of Kevin. I didn't answer him only nodded. Seemed like I only spoke these days when I found it necessary to do so. "You think they are going to find him guilty?" AJ asked from the passenger seat.

"I hope not. He has a son to think about" Howie said pulling out into traffic and heading back to my new apartment.

"NO, they won't find him guilty. He was forced to break her out of prison. I think between all of our testimony plus the other people Joe was blackmailing, they have to let him go"

"I hope so" I muttered under my breath. I didn't want Dave to have to spend any more time in jail for something he was forced to do. I'm lucky I wasn't on trial with him. Breaking a felon out of prison is a big deal. The thing is, I think everyone, including the police understood. When they arrested Dave, which I don't remember happening either, he said he was by himself in the car. The other guys all agreed. The two guards were HAZY on the details so no one questioned anything.

You know the guys have explained to me what happened between Trish killing Joe and me ending up in the hospital so many times, but it's all a fog to me. Like a nightmare I refuse to remember. The doctors said it's common for post traumatic stress syndrome to forget huge details about the events that caused the stress in the first place. Which is ironic because I remembered everything else in complete detail. Right down to me screaming NO! to Trish right before she supposedly blew her brains out.

Brian said they all panicked because they thought she was going to kill me but she smiled at me, stuck the gun in HER mouth and pulled the trigger. He said I was lucky I didn't remember because he wakes up in a cold sweat every night picturing it. Hearing the gun and watching her fall.

According to the guys after I yelled, "No!" I just stood with a blank stare on my face as she dropped to the ground. They said I didn't pass out or lose consciousness at all, but at the same time, I wasn't alert. Kevin slowly walked over and tried to hug me, but I wouldn't let him so he gingerly placed a blanket around me and called the police. That was the end of that. So anticlimactic.

I didn't speak for about a week. Not one solitary word. My family came and went, the guys visited me every day but I didn't respond. Finally one day, Kevin said I looked over at him and asked him if I could have a milk shake. He hugged me and cried. I had no idea why. All I knew was I didn't like him touching me. I didn't let anyone hug me anymore.

"What now guys?" AJ asked.

"Well, I say how about we go get a few pizzas and ice cream and hang out at my place" Howie suggested. They all agreed, I remained silent. "What about you kiddo you up for pizza?" I nodded.

I was in the hospital for a long time. Just like I was the first time around. Howie sold my house while I was gone. The guys and my family packed up my stuff and put most of it in storage for me. In my absence, Howie found me a great luxury apartment. Two bedrooms and a bathroom. Very small and cozy. Best part of it, there was no place for a maniac to hide. It had 24 hour around the clock guards on duty. And it was five minutes away from where Howie lived. I never went back to see my old place. I won't even drive in it's vicinity. My parents agreed to keep my dogs at their place for now. They also said I should maybe consider living in one of their huts in the back. I'll probably take them up on that. For now, I needed my own space, oddly enough.

Before, I never wanted to be alone, now that's all I ever want. When you are alone, no one can hurt you or stab you in the back. Or in a more literal sense, in the stomach. About a week after I was released from the hospital, the other's went back home. We didn't call each other for at least a month. Besides Howie that is, he checked up on me at least five times a day. I think we all needed time to process what had happened.

In fact, this was the first time we had been together all five of us, in 4 months. That's how long ago all this stuff happened. Four months, but feels like only yesterday. I remember driving in my car ready to see them for the first time after going solo and thinking how awkward things were going to be. But now as I sit in this car with all five of them we all seem just as awkward and out of place.

"You're stomach hurt Nick?" I shook my head at Kevin. I hadn't realized I was holding it but I found for some reason, that when I was in a car, my hands naturally found their way to my stab wound. The scar still visible when I take my shirt off. I was lucky, the doctor had told me after I came back to the land of the living. He said if it had gone in any deeper, it would have punctured my liver. I had lost a lot of blood, but I got out of it.

"Think they went to heaven?" The car got very quiet at my elementary question.

"No Nick, I don't believe they did" Kevin answered sitting back and taking out a piece of gum.

"Did anybody go to their funeral service?"

"They didn't have one kiddo"

"Oh" I felt bad for Trish and even Joe in my own way.

"It's not over Brian" I finally answered him. He bent over to look past Kevin, "What did you say Nick?"

"I said it's not over. It's never going to be over. Everytime I go to bed or hear a sound in the hallway. Everytime I get a piece of mail or the phone rings...they had their hands on everything you know?"

"I know"

The car remained quiet for the rest of the ride. Everyone silently mulling over what I had just said, each of them knowing that no matter how much they tried to convince themselves otherwise, we would never feel safe again.

All we could ever hope to do, is move on and learn how to live with it....