When you walk through a storm
Hold your head up high
And don’t be afraid of the dark
At the end of the storm
Is a golden sky
And the sweet silver song of a lark

Walk on through the wind
Walk on through the rain
Tho’ your dreams be tossed and blown
Walk on, walk on
With hope in your heart
And you’ll never walk alone
You’ll never walk alone

- Rodgers’ and Hammerstein’s “You’ll Never Walk Alone” from Carousel


Prologue

Howie was jolted awake by the ringing of the phone from the nightstand on the other side of his bed.

“Can you get that, Krys?” he mumbled, disoriented. When he got no reply, he groaned and reached over to turn on the lamp that sat on his nightstand. Dim light flooded the room.

Rolling over, Howie saw that Krystle was not in bed. I guess I hurt her feelings, he thought guiltily. But then again, she deserved it. She couldn’t really expect me to be happy with her. Not after what she did.

Meanwhile, the phone kept ringing, and Howie, growing annoyed with its persistence, quickly crawled over and grabbed the phone from the nightstand on Krystle’s side of the bed. This better not be fan, he thought irritably.

“Hello?” Howie asked groggily, rubbing his bleary eyes as he held the phone to his ear.

“Howie!” came Bianca’s voice, shrill and trembling.

Howie was immediately alert. Something was wrong; he could tell by her tone of voice. “Bean? What’s wrong?”

It’s probably nothing, he tried to assure himself. She and AJ just probably had another fight. He rolled his eyes, slightly annoyed. He had no patience to deal with AJ right now, not after what he had just found out. But deep down, he knew it was more than just a spat between AJ and Bianca. Bianca’s reply confirmed it.

“It’s AJ!” Bianca sobbed into the phone. “Oh, Howie, he’s… he’s dead!”

***

Chapter 1

“This is Emily Hudson with Channel 7 News. The body of twenty-two-year-old James Murphy was found late yesterday afternoon on a private strip of beach outside Daytona. The results of the autopsy performed on his body this afternoon show that Murphy died of a massive head injury. He was also stabbed in the chest multiple times, in a pattern that looked like a happy face, but the autopsy showed that these injuries were obtained after Murphy was already dead. Murphy was last seen at his apartment late last Saturday. He-”

With a click of the remote, Bianca Parker quickly changed the channel. “Ugh, that is so freaky,” she said with a shiver. “Somebody stabbed him in the shape of a happy face? How sick!”

“There’s some sick people out there, baby,” said her boyfriend, AJ McLean, wrapping his arm around her and pulling her close to him. “But don’t you worry. Bone’s here to protect you,” he cooed, kissing the top of her head.

“My hero,” Bianca replied sarcastically. “What would I ever do without you?” She rolled her eyes and grinned at him. Glancing at the clock on the wall, she said, “Howie and Krystle will be here to pick us up any minute now.”

AJ’s best friend and fellow Backstreet Boy, Howie Dorough, and his girlfriend of several months, Krystle Moore, were going out to dinner with AJ and Bianca that night at one of Orlando’s hottest new restaurants. The foursome often did things together when the Backstreet Boys were not touring. Bianca suspected that AJ and Howie were just trying to get her and Krystle to become friends.

Fat chance of that happening anytime soon, Bianca thought. She had known Krystle for three months now, ever since she had moved in with Howie, and she still didn’t like her. No amount of time spent with her was going to change that.

Krystle wasn’t a bad person; she just grated on Bianca’s nerves. She was a busty, black-haired beauty who knew just how pretty she was and milked it for all it was worth. Bianca would never tell Howie, but she had always thought Krystle was just using him. On the outside, the couple seemed happy, but Bianca sensed that they really weren’t. It seemed like Krystle was only dating Howie because of his money and fame, not because she really loved him. She pretended all right, but her love was not true. Whether Howie was really interested in Krystle or just her Krystle’s looks was a mystery. Bianca personally couldn’t see how anyone could love Krystle for her personality. She acted sweet enough, but she had a shiftiness about her that made Bianca wonder. Also, she had no sense of humor. While Bianca and AJ loved to tease each other, Krystle got offended any time Howie tried to play around with her. She obviously did not understand the concept of a joke. And then there was her opinion of Bianca. While Krystle had never actually put it in words, Bianca had always gotten the impression that Krystle did not like her much. Bianca did not know why, but the looks Krystle sometimes gave her and the tone of voice she sometimes used made it evident. That was fine with Bianca though because she didn’t like Krystle either. The two women tolerated each other, for their boyfriends’ sake, but it was laughable to think they could ever become friends.

“They’re here,” AJ said, standing up, as Howie’s SUV pulled into the driveway.

Bianca followed AJ out of the living room, through the foyer, and out the front door. AJ checked that the door was locked and the security alarm was on, then led Bianca out to the car.

“Hey, J. Hey, Bean,” Howie said, turning back to grin at AJ and Bianca as they climbed into the back of the SUV. Over the past year, he and Bianca had gotten to be good friends, so good that he now called her “Bean,” the nickname AJ and her friends all called her.

“Hey, D. Hi, Krys,” AJ and Bianca replied.

“Hello, AJ. Bianca,” Krystle greeted coolly from the front passenger seat, not bothering to turn around to look at them.

The drive to the restaurant was fairly quiet. AJ and Howie carried on a conversation, with Bianca joining in every now and then, and Krystle examining her long, burgundy nails and ignoring them.

When Howie parked at the restaurant, the four of them tried to hurry in unnoticed. This was never possible though, and AJ and Howie had to stop in the lobby to sign a few autographs before going on to the small private dining room Howie had reserved so they could eat dinner uninterrupted.

The four of them sat down, and Krystle commented, “Bianca, did you cut your hair?”

Bianca fingered the curled-out ends of her auburn hair, which had been cut into a layered, chin-length style, and nodded. “Yeah, I just got it cut Wednesday. Do you like it?”

Krystle shrugged. “It’s alright,” she said, “but I think you should have it longer, with your face shape.” She ran a hand through her long, shiny, black hair, as if to accentuate her point.

Bianca bit her tongue, plastered a fake smile on her face, and replied cheerfully, “Well, it’ll grow back in no time. And besides, I like it.”

Krystle raised her eyebrows and gave Bianca a look of distaste, but said nothing.

AJ, obviously sensing tension between the two girls, slung an arm around Bianca’s shoulders and said casually, “I think Bean’s hair is cute.” He smiled at his girlfriend, giving the back of her hair a playful flick.

Bianca returned his smile with gratitude, shot Krystle a triumphant grin, and turned her attention to the menu in front of her.

***

Bianca checked her watch for the third time in the past five minutes and sighed. It was the next afternoon, and her shift at the local Barnes and Noble was over in fifteen minutes. Then she could go to watch the end of AJ’s rehearsal.

Normally, Bianca didn’t mind working. She loved the atmosphere at Barnes and Noble, the smell of new books and coffee and the quietness of the store. But sometimes, she just wanted to finish her shift and get out of there. This was one of those times.

It was her last shift before the Backstreet Boys tour started the following day. She would be touring with them for the next three months, taking a long vacation from her job. She was lucky her boss was letting her leave for so long and still promising to give her her job back when the tour was over, so she mentally scolded herself for complaining about having to work and forced herself to focus on her work.

A woman came up to Bianca’s cash register, carrying two paperback romance novels. Bianca rang them up quickly, and the woman paid and left. Bianca checked her watch again. Twelve minutes left.

“Next!” she called down to the line of customers waiting by the row of cash registers. A grizzly old man at the front of the line started slowly towards her register, carrying two large hardbacks. Bianca recognized him at once.

“Hello, Mr. Gunzenmeier,” she said politely.

Rudy Gunzenmeier was a regular Barnes and Noble customer. He stopped into the store usually about once a week and bought large hardback books, usually biographies, historical books, or medical books.

“Always wanted to be a doctor,” he had told Bianca one afternoon when she had looked at the medical books strangely. “Just never had the money to go to medical school. I’m still interested in medicine though.”

Today he was buying a biography of Edgar Allen Poe and a book about the Tower of London. Why someone would want to read such a large book about a building was beyond Bianca, but Mr. Gunzenmeier was sort of strange like that.

“Yeah, he’s pretty weird. We just kinda stay away from him,” Howie had told her once. It just so happened that Mr. Gunzenmeier lived next door to Howie, in a brick mansion that resembled a castle. Based on the books he bought, Bianca assumed he had an interest in castles too.

“How is he weird?” Bianca had asked Howie curiously.

“I don’t know. He just… is. There’s just something about him that’s not quite right,” Howie had replied. “Ask Krystle – she’s completely freaked out by him.”

Bianca had just laughed. Mr. Gunzenmeier was indeed a bit odd, but he was harmless. He was nothing but an eccentric old man, as far as she was concerned.

“Hi,” Mr. Gunzenmeier grunted in reply now, sliding his books across the counter to her. Bianca rang them up.

“Your total is $29.87,” she said, putting the books into a bag. Mr. Gunzenmeier paid her in cash, took his bag, and left, disappearing through the gold double doors.

Bianca glanced at her watch yet again. Eight minutes.

***

“Alright, great job, guys. Take five, and then we’ll move on to the choreography for ‘Get Another Boyfriend’,” said Fatima Robinson, the Backstreet Boys’ choreographer.

It was late in the afternoon, and the Boys were almost finished with their last rehearsal before the opening night of their tour the following night in Miami. After a year-long break from touring, the five guys were all excited about getting back on the road to promote their new CD, which had just been released two months earlier, in late September. The CD had done tremendously well so far, and it looked like the Backstreet Boys were truly back.

AJ grabbed a bottled water and a towel from his sport bag and wiped his sweaty face. He twisted open the cap on the water and drank half of it in one long gulp. He looked up as the doors to the studio they practiced in opened, and Bianca walked in.

“Bean!” he cried happily, jumping up and hurrying over to her. He outstretched his arms as if to give her a hug.

Bianca squealed and pushed him away. “Ew, get your sweaty, stinky ass away from me!”

“Aw, c’mere, baby, don’t you want a hug?” AJ teased, playfully lunging at her. Bianca darted away from his grasp, giggling.

“Dude, you have way too much energy, Bone,” Howie said, shaking his head tiredly. Sprawled out on the floor on their backs, the other three Boys grunted in agreement.

AJ smiled and sank back down onto the floor, pulling Bianca down with him. “So, how was work?” he asked.

She shrugged and answered, “It was fine.”

“You all packed for tomorrow?” he asked her. “We’re leaving bright and early for Miami.”

“Yup, I’m all set,” she replied. “I can’t wait.” She grinned excitedly at him.

AJ returned her smile, excited as well. This was Bianca’s first time touring with them (he hadn’t met her until shortly after the last tour), and he couldn’t wait. It was going to be so wonderful having her with him for the next few months.

“At least someone’s prepared,” Howie said. “Knowing Krystle, she’ll be up half the night packing all her stuff.”

Bianca groaned inwardly, remembering that Krystle was coming along with Howie. Oh well, at least each of the guys gets their own bus. I won’t have to see her too much hopefully, she told herself.

“Y’all ready to get going again?” asked Fatima, clapping her hands to get their attention.

Sighing, AJ dragged himself up. “Almost done,” he told Bianca, who sat back eagerly to watch him. She had already watched several of the Boys’ rehearsals, and she knew she’d be seeing all their shows from the front row, but she never grew tired of watching them, especially AJ, perform. She had been a Backstreet Boys fan since before she had met AJ, and even though she had been dating him for almost a year now, she still couldn’t believe it sometimes.

This is one of those times, Bianca thought, grinning as the music to “Get Another Boyfriend” started up, and the five guys started their choreography, singing softly along to the music as they danced. She felt like the luckiest girl in the world, having AJ as a boyfriend.

But unfortunately, her luck would not last forever, and being AJ’s girlfriend would soon become more of a curse than a blessing.

***

Chapter 2

"This is Mark Roberts, reporting live for Miami’s WJOE News at Noon. Early this morning, the body of nineteen-year-old Sarah Delap was recovered from the outskirts of a Miami park. Delap had been missing from her college dormitory at the University of Miami since Thursday night. She was found with a fatal contusion to the head and stab wounds to the chest and stomach. Disturbingly, the wounds formed the pattern of a smiley face, leading police to the conclusion that her death is connected to the death of twenty-one-year-old James Murphy, whose body was discovered Wednesday afternoon near Daytona Beach with the same pattern of stab wounds to the chest…”

Bianca shuddered. “What kind of freak would do that,” she said aloud, changing the channel of the television in the hotel room she was sharing with AJ.

“Did you say something, honey?” AJ stuck his head out of the bathroom. His face was covered in shaving cream, and his bright red hair was still wet from his shower.

“They just said on the news that some girl was found dead this morning with stab wounds that look like a happy face, just like that guy in Daytona they found the other day,” Bianca told him, wrinkling her nose in disgust.

“Oh. Sick,” AJ agreed and ducked back into the bathroom to finish getting cleaned up. He had to be at the arena in an hour to start rehearsing for the concert that night.

Forty-five minutes later, he finally emerged from the bathroom, dressed and cleaned up, his goatee shaved to perfection, his hair gelled and spiked.

“You wanna come with me to the arena now, or are you going to come later?” AJ asked, as he dug through his sport bag, making sure he had everything he wanted packed in it.

“I’ll come with you now,” Bianca replied. She was interested in seeing all the behind-the-scenes things that went on before the concert. And she had never seen them run the show with all graphics on the giant screen they were going to have behind them and all the pyrotechnics and other special effects they had planned. They would run through everything that afternoon, hours before the concert, to make sure everything was in working order.

“Okay. Well, we’re supposed to be on our buses in like five minutes. You ready?”

“Yup. Just have to get my shoes on,” Bianca replied, sliding off the king-size bed and pulling on her Adidas tennis shoes. She quickly ducked into the bathroom to check her appearance in the mirror, tucked her coppery hair behind her ears, and came back out. She slung her purse over one shoulder and turned to AJ. “Ready,” she said.

“Okee dokee. Let’s go,” AJ said, linking his arm through hers. Together, the couple left the hotel suite. They were met in the hall by several bodyguards, who were waiting to escort them out of the hotel. Despite all efforts to keep where they were staying a secret, some fans had found out what hotel they were staying in, and the lobby was now filled with a large crowd of eager fans, according to the bodyguards.

Bianca’s heart fluttered with excitement. “Are we going through the lobby or taking a back way out?” she asked, hoping they would go through the lobby. Just a year ago, she had been just a Backstreet Boys fan like the girls downstairs; she knew exactly what they were feeling right now and wanted the Boys to go down and sign some autographs for them.

“Lobby,” said Marcus, one of the bodyguards. “If we can keep the crowd under control, you guys can stay a few minutes and sign autographs or whatever.”

Bianca smiled, and AJ nodded. Moments later, doors down the hall began to open, and other Backstreet Boys came out to join them. Finally, all five Boys were there, along with Brian’s wife Leighanne, Kevin’s wife Kristin, Krystle, and Bianca.

Nick was alone, the only member of the group currently without a girlfriend or wife. Bianca couldn’t say she really felt sorry for him. She had bonded with Howie, Kevin, and Brian, but Nick was a different story. For some reason, she and he had never really connected. He had distanced himself from her when she had first started dating AJ and become a part of their group, and even now that she and AJ had been going out for a year, he still hadn’t made much of an attempt to be friendly to her. It was kind of like Bianca and Krystle’s relationship – she and Nick got along okay, but she doubted they would ever be friends. But unlike Krystle, Bianca didn’t dislike Nick. She really did not know him that well, but he always seemed very personable around his fans and the other guys. What he had against her, she did not know.

She had always thought that maybe he resented her for taking away AJ, who was closest to Nick’s age and had been one of the last single Backstreet Boys remaining before he had met her. She knew how uncomfortable it was to be the third wheel and have a best friend whose life revolved around her boyfriend, so she could relate to how Nick felt, if that was how he felt. For a long time, she had made an effort to include him and have conversations with him and try to show him that she wanted to be friends with him, but he had avoided her. So she had stopped trying. Now she and Nick were nothing but two people who shared mutual friends. They talked to each other occasionally, but more as acquaintances than friends.

“Okay, everybody ready?” Marcus’s voice interrupted Bianca’s thoughts.

The group nodded in reply. Surrounded by security, they made their way to the elevator. Their hallway and the inside of the elevator were nice and quiet, but they knew that the minute the elevator doors slid open in the lobby, it would be mass chaos.

Sure enough, when the elevator had jerked to a stop on the ground floor, and the doors opened with a ding, they found the large, fancy lobby filled with young girls. Some were bouncing up and down, some were crying, many were screaming and squealing. Some had their faces painted and hair dyed, some had plastered pictures of the boys all over their clothes, some had posters. When they caught sight of the Backstreet Boys, a collective high-pitched screech filled the lobby, echoing off the walls and high ceilings.

From across the room, Bianca saw the people behind the main desk grimace and put their hands over their ears. She grinned, filled with euphoria, and stepped off of the elevator, gripping AJ’s hand.

“Excuse me!” Marcus’s booming voice rose over the fans’ screaming. “Excuse me! Can I have your attention, please? Quiet, please!” It took a few minutes, but finally the girls all shut up and listened to the hulking bodyguard. “Thank you. Okay, the Boys only have a few minutes before they have to get to the arena, but if you all can be calm, they can sign some autographs, take some pictures, whatever. But please, you have to stay calm and not push and shove, or they’ll have to leave.”

More screams and squeals rose from the girls, but they stayed in place and did not charge the Boys. Marcus and the other bodyguards led the Boys and the girlfriends and wives out into the lobby, and the girls poured forward in a great rush, surrounding the small group eagerly, thrusting CD booklets, pictures, and pens out to the boys to get autographs and holding up cameras to get pictures.

Bianca let go of AJ’s hand and stayed back with Leighanne, Kristine, and Krystle, while the five guys hurriedly started signing autographs, trying to get as many done as they could.

“Excuse me, Bianca?”

Bianca heard her name and felt a tug on her t-shirt and turned to find a girl that looked to be about thirteen or fourteen standing behind her. The girl timidly held out a picture of AJ and said, “Could you sign this for me?”

Bianca’s heart swelled, and she grinned widely. “Of course!” she said and quickly scrawled her signature on the back of the picture with the marker the girl handed her. She had been asked to sign autographs several times before, but it was not a common occurrence, so she was thrilled that someone cared enough to want her autograph. She knew some of the fans hated her guts for “stealing their AJ away”. She had even once found a hate site about herself online. She smiled ruefully, remembering how she had cried over it. AJ had just rolled his eyes and told her that was one of the cons about being a Backstreet girlfriend.

It’s nothing against you personally, he had said. All of our girlfriends have had hate sites made about them by the teenyboppers. They don’t really hate you; they’re just jealous.

Bianca knew this already, but it was still somewhat frightening to see death threats against yourself online. She was glad that the majority of the fans out there were mature enough to be happy for her and AJ.

“Thank you!” the girl said happily, and Bianca was so touched, she grabbed AJ and pulled him over so that he could give the girl his autograph as well.

Finally, Marcus announced that the Boys needed to leave, and the fans all sighed and moaned. There were still many of them who had not gotten their autographs, but the Boys apologized and promised to try and sign more autographs when they got back after the concert. Then, the security guards clearing a path to the door, the bodyguards escorted them all out of the hotel and to their herd of tour buses, which were parked right outside the hotel doors.

“Whew,” AJ sighed, as he and Bianca climbed onto his bus. “I love the fans, but they tire you out quick.” He sank down on the couch, pulling Bianca down with him, and flipped on the TV.

A few minutes later, the buses pulled away from the hotel, and they were on their way to the arena.

***

“It’s time to go to work, y’all. What kind of work? Hard work, huh!”

The large group consisting of the five Backstreet Boys, their four girlfriends and wives, their dancers, bodyguards, and all their other crew members, clapped and cheered as they finished their pre-show chant.

“Good luck, Bri,” said Leighanne, kissing her husband’s cheek. “I’ll be in the front row.” Kristin and Krystle both wished Kevin and Howie good luck as well.

“You’re going to do great,” Bianca told AJ, grabbing him and kissing him quickly on the lips. “I’ll be watchin’ ya.”

“Love you, Bean,” AJ said, grinning. “I’ll see ya after the show.”

Bianca returned his excited smile and followed Leighanne, Kristin, and Krystle, who were being escorted by security guards to their front row seats. The four of them had seats for every show at one end of the front row, so as to not take the very best seats (front and center), but still be able to be close to the stage.

Their entrance into the arena caused quite a stir with the fans sitting near them. The girls all wanted pictures and autographs and then immediately started bombarding them with questions about the Boys. They answered what they could (without giving away too many personal details). Bianca enjoyed all the attention, but was relieved when the arena darkened, and the fans all turned their attention to the stage, waiting for the Backstreet Boys to come out.

“Backstreet Boys! Backstreet Boys!” came the familiar chant, and Bianca, suddenly taken back in time to the many Bsb concerts she and her best friend Brianna had gone to, joined right in, a huge grin on her face. From beside her, she saw Krystle roll her eyes, but she ignored her and shouted even louder. She was not at all embarrassed – she was still young, only twenty-two, and she was a fan herself, so she could yell if she wanted to.

Leighanne and Kristin were smiling, but she could see that they were not quite as enthusiastic as she was. But then again, they had been doing this kind of thing for years. This was Bianca’s first concert as AJ’s girlfriend, her first concert in the front row. She had a right to be excited.

From below the stage, AJ grinned as he heard the fans chant, “Backstreet Boys! Backstreet Boys!” The sound was greatly muffled by the headset he was wearing, which played the music in his ears and blocked out most of the sound of the crowd, but they were loud enough that he could still hear them. The sound was music to his ears. It gave him a high nothing else could.

Suddenly, the screaming stopped, and AJ knew that the opening special effects had begun. It would only be a couple more minutes before it was time for the podiums he and the others were standing on to rise and lift them up to the stage.

“All right, guys, you’re on in 5… 4… 3… 2… 1…” came a voice through their earphones. As he got to one, the lighted podiums they stood on slowly began to rise through trapdoors in the stage above their heads. As the top of their heads poked up through the trapdoors, the screaming of the fans intensified.

Standing on his podium, looking out into the huge audience, into the bright lights, the flashes of cameras continually going off in every direction, was one of AJ’s all-time favorite moments. The feeling he got when he was standing there, listening to the wild screams, was completely indescribable.

AJ could really only make out the faces of the fans in the first few rows of the arena, so he focused his gaze on those rows, panning across the rows until he reached the far left end of the front row. He spotted Kristin first, then Leighanne, and then his eyes stopped to rest on Bianca, who was sitting in the second seat from the end, her face aglow, screaming like a teenybopper. He grinned at her and gave her a quick wink, making a mental note to tease her about being a teenybopper later on.

The music for their opening number began, and right on cue, AJ, Brian, Howie, Kevin, and Nick leaped off of their podiums and landed on stage. Amid the wild screams of the fans, they began their choreography, just as they had practiced.

The first concert of the tour had begun.

***

Chapter 3

Hours later, when the concert was long over, the nine of them found themselves sitting at a large table in the sports bar and grille located on the ground floor of their hotel. It was after midnight, and the bar was filled with drunken men who couldn’t care less about the Backstreet Boys.

Glad that they were out of the limelight, the group had chosen a table in the back corner of the room. Now they sat around it, flipping through the menus. None of them had eaten since that afternoon, and they were starving, especially the five guys.

When a waitress came to take their order, Krystle ordered the most expensive meal on the menu, and when the food came, she only picked at it. When the others had finished, three-fourths of Krystle’s large meal sat on her plate, untouched.

“You want a box for that, honey?” asked the waitress, as she set their bill down on the table.

“Oh, no thanks,” Krystle replied, as Howie pulled out his wallet.

Bianca rolled her eyes and shot a dirty look down the table at Krystle. She couldn’t believe how rude Krystle was to Howie, ordering the most expensive item on the menu, not eating it, and making him pay for it. Of course, Howie was so rich that it didn’t matter, but she still thought it was rude. She came from an average, middle-class family and was used to saving money; she knew better than to just squander money away like that.

“You ready, Bean?” AJ asked, finishing the rest of his Coke. While the other guys had all ordered beers, AJ had stuck to soda. Ever since he had gone into rehab the previous summer, he had been completely sober and planned to stay that way. He knew that if he had one beer, he would just want another, so he refused to drink even one beer. Bianca admired his decision and always ordered non-alcoholic drinks as well when she was around him. She wasn’t much of a drinker anyway, so it was no big sacrifice on her part.

“I’m ready,” she replied, grabbing her purse and standing up. The four other guys and three girls rose from their seats as well, and together, the group left the sports bar. They were met by security outside the door, who escorted them up to their rooms.

“Goodnight, guys,” AJ and Bianca said to the others when they reached their door and disappeared into their room for the night.

***

“Oh, would you two just shut up already!” Howie groaned, burying his head beneath his pillow. It was the following night (or two mornings later, rather, since it was after 2:00 am), and all Howie wanted to do was sleep. The concert earlier their night, the second of their three Miami concerts, had gone spectacularly, but the high had worn off, and Howie was no exhausted. All he wanted was to go to sleep. But the sounds of AJ and Bianca’s loud, angry voices drifted through the wall that separated their suite from Howie and Krystle’s, keeping him awake.

“You want me to go tell them to shut up?” Krystle asked softly from beside him.

“That would be nice,” Howie murmured.

Krystle leaned over and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. “Go to sleep. I’ll take care of it,” she said and climbed out of bed. He heard her leave the hotel room and closed his eyes. Minutes later, the shouting next door stopped, and he finally drifted off to sleep.

***

“So, what were you and Bianca fighting about?” Krystle asked AJ.

“Oh, nothing. It was stupid really. She was just talking about stopping to visit some of her old friends from North Carolina when we stop in Raleigh, and she mentioned some old boyfriend of hers, and I got jealous,” he said. “I know that sounds ridiculous, but I don’t want her going over to some guy’s house that she used to date.”

“No, no, I understand,” Krystle assured him. “How do you think I would feel if Howie wanted to invite one of his exes on tour with us? Even if he said they were just friends, I wouldn’t like it.”

AJ smiled in relief. “Okay, good. I’m glad you don’t think I’m just stuck in the jealous boyfriend role.”

“No, not at all,” replied Krystle, smiling sweetly at him.

Krystle had come to AJ and Bianca’s suite just a few minutes earlier, complaining about the noise they were making. Embarrassed, the couple had immediately shut up, and AJ had left to go down to the bar and cool off, leaving Bianca alone in the suite to sleep. In the hall, he had met up with Krystle.

“Just getting a little midnight snack,” she said, holding up a pack of M&M’s.

“Sorry for waking you up,” he had apologized.

“Oh, no, you didn’t. I couldn’t sleep anyway.”

So, AJ had invited Krystle down to the bar and grille with him. Now the pair sat across from each other at a table for two, waiting to order drinks.

“I’m going to head to the bathroom,” AJ said, standing up. “If the waitress comes, just order me a large Coke.”

“Sure,” Krystle replied, watching as he walked off. When the waitress came to take her order, she said, “One strawberry daiquiri and one large Coke.” Then, glancing quickly at the restrooms in the back of the room, she added, “And, uh, add a little gin to that Coke too.”

“Sure thing,” the waitress replied and bustled off to get their drinks.

AJ returned moments later to find a large glass of Coke waiting for him. His throat dry from arguing with Bianca, he drank it down in a few long sips and ordered a refill.

Unbeknownst to him, a few more drinks later, AJ’s sobriety was gone, and his judgment was fading fast.

***

AJ awoke hours later to find himself in a small, unfamiliar room, lying in bed with a black-haired woman beside him, her bare back facing him. He sat up quickly, shaking the double bed, and immediately lay back down again, his head pounding.

The girl next to him stirred and rolled over in her sleep. When AJ caught sight of her face, he gasped in horror.

“Krystle?!”

Howie’s girlfriend’s brown eyes fluttered open. When they focused on AJ, she herself sat bolt upright in shock, pulling the covers tightly to her bare chest. “AJ! Wh-what… oh my God!”

“What the hell is going on here?” AJ asked, looking around in confusion. “Where are we?”

“We’re in another hotel room, it looks like,” Krystle said softly, looking around the room with wide eyes. She seemed just as bewildered as AJ. “I-I guess I had too many daiquiris last night and got a little tipsy. I don’t remember much of anything.”

“Neither do I,” AJ said, rubbing his throbbing head. It felt like he had a hangover. But how could he? He hadn’t drank last night; he hadn’t drank since last summer. All he’d had was a few sodas! “You don’t remember me ordering anything alcoholic last night, do you?” he asked Krystle.

“Um… yeah, I think you did,” Krystle said, tipping her head to the side as she tried to remember the night before. “You started out with Coke, I know, but then you said you wanted a beer. I tried to tell you no, that you shouldn’t, but you said that just one would be fine. I was already a little drunk myself I guess. My judgment wasn’t all there. I let you order it, and then I guess you must have drunk a few more after that. I don’t really remember.”

“Oh no…” AJ moaned, hanging his head. All those months of sobriety were gone, just like that. He was back where he had started, back at step one. He had not just had one beer, he had had many, and he had somehow ended up in another hotel room with Krystle and had woken up to find himself naked in bed with her. “Krystle, did we… did we do anything last night?” he asked hesitantly, but he already knew the answer. How could they have gotten naked in bed without doing what he was dreading finding out they had done?

Krystle’s eyes filled with tears. “I guess we must have,” she sniffed, her chin quivering. “Oh, God, AJ, Howie’s going to kill me when he finds out!”

“You? He’s going to kill ME!” AJ cried. “And so is Bianca!”

“Well… well, maybe they don’t have to know,” Krystle said. “What time is it?”

AJ looked around for a clock. He spotted one sitting on the desk across the room and said, “Only six.”

“Well, I’m sure no one’s up yet. We’ll just go get back in bed before Bianca and Howie wake up, and they’ll never know we were gone. If anyone asks, we were down in the bar very late, just talking, and then we went back to bed.”

AJ wasn’t sure her plan would work, but it was worth a shot. He would do anything to keep Howie and Bianca from finding out what he had done.

He and Krystle quickly picked their clothes up from the floor of the room and got dressed. They went out into the hall to find they were in a room on the second floor. How they had ended up there was a mystery to AJ. He couldn’t remember booking the room the night before, but how else would they have found a way in? Mystified, AJ closed the door of the room and decided to just go back up to his own suite and pretend nothing had happened.

He sent Krystle up first by herself, just in case anyone was roaming their hallway. He did not want the two of them to be seen together. Five minutes later, he took the elevator up to their floor himself. The hallway was deserted, thankfully, and AJ hurried down to his suite and let himself in, praying that Bianca was still sleeping.

To his relief, he found her sound asleep on her side of the bed, and he quickly stripped down to his boxers and climbed into bed beside her. He closed his eyes, trying to get back to sleep, but it took a long time. He couldn’t stop thinking about Krystle, and his guilty conscience was eating away at him. But finally, his body relaxed, and he drifted off into the innocence of sleep.

***

Chapter 4

“AJ… AJ, wake up.”

AJ awoke to the sound of Bianca’s voice as she gently shook his shoulder. He rolled over and found her kneeling on her side of the bed, wearing nothing but a towel, a smaller towel turbaned around her head.

“Morning, sleepyhead,” she said, offering him a tiny smile. “Sorry to wake you up, but it’s after noon, and you have to be at the arena in like an hour.”

“Oh… thanks,” AJ said groggily, forcing himself out of bed.

“AJ, I’m sorry about last night,” Bianca said. “I shouldn’t have yelled.”

Last night. The events of the previous night and that morning immediately came back to AJ, and his heart sank as he realized what he had done. He had cheated on Bianca. He had betrayed Howie. He had disrespected Krystle. He was a horrible person.

“No, no, don’t be sorry,” he mumbled. “I’m the one that should be sorry. I overreacted.” And did a lot of other things that were even worse, he added in his head, refusing to meet Bianca’s eyes.

“Yeah, you did. But it takes two people to have a fight. I got all defensive with you.”

“It’s okay, Bean,” AJ said. “You didn’t do anything wrong. You were right. I was just being overprotective. I started it all. I’m sorry.” She opened her mouth to protest, but he quickly added, “Let’s just leave it at that. It’s all over and done with, so let’s just forget about it and move on.”

Bianca nodded. “I love you, AJ,” she whispered, pecking his cheek. “You go take your shower now, and I’ll get dressed out here.”

“Alright,” AJ said and hurried into the bathroom. He shut the door, took off his boxers, and started the shower water. He climbed in, enjoying the sensation of the hot water rinsing his body, and just stood there, thinking.

What was he going to do? He couldn’t tell Bianca, could he? That would hurt her even worse, knowing what he had done. But how could he not tell her? How could he kiss her and make love to her and know that he had done the very same thing to Howie’s girlfriend? He knew the weight would be lifted off his shoulders if he just confessed, but then what would happen? Bianca would dump him. He would lose his girlfriend. Howie would find out. He would lose his best friend. That would cause tension in the group. After all they had been through, that was the last thing they needed. The only reason they had made it through all their troubles was the fact that they had each other. If Howie found out, their friendship would be destroyed, and the Backstreet Boys would be fractured. It was better if no one found out what had happened, if it was just kept between AJ and Krystle. AJ just hoped Krystle felt the same way. It would be even worse if Howie and Bianca heard it from her than from him. Then they would think he was a cheater, a backstabber, and a liar.

“AJ!?”

Bianca was calling his name and pounding on the bathroom door. AJ was jerked out of his thoughts and suddenly realized he had been standing in the shower for quite some time.

“AJ, hurry up, we’re going to be late!” Bianca shouted.

“Coming!” AJ called back, quickly washing his body. He finished his shower and climbed out of the tub, wrapping a white towel around his waist. He wiped off the foggy mirror and stared at his reflection. His eyes looked dull and bloodshot, and there were circles under them. He looked like hell.

AJ quickly towel-dried his hair, slathered some gel into it, and spiked it. Then he brushed his teeth, decided he had no time to shave properly, and ran out into the hotel room in his towel to get dressed.

Bianca was now fully dressed and hurried into the bathroom as soon as AJ came out to finish getting ready. She emerged ten minutes later with her hair curled out and her makeup on. “You ready?” she asked AJ, glancing at the clock. “It’s about time to meet the others.”

“Yeah,” AJ said, pulling on his shoes and grabbing his bag. “Make sure you get your suitcase and all your stuff. We’re not coming back to the hotel after the concert.”

This would be their last concert in Miami. They were driving through the night to Fort Lauderdale, where their next two nights of concerts would take place.

“I think I’ve got everything,” Bianca said, taking a quick look around the large suite to make sure.

“Okay. Let’s go then,” AJ said. He slung his sport bag over one shoulder and picked up his suitcase in one hand and Bianca’s in the other.

“I can get that,” she said, grabbing her suitcase out of his hand.

AJ had to smile. Bianca was very independent and could be very stubborn as well. She liked to do things for herself and refused to let him carry her bags for her.

Together, the couple carried their things out of the room and into the hall, where they met up with the others.

***

That night, after the concert, the group stopped at a McDonald’s on their way out of town for a late dinner, and then they were on their way. Bianca was excited about spending the night on the tour bus. It had all the luxuries of the hotel suites they stayed in – a kitchenette and dining area, living room area, bathroom, and a bedroom area with a queen-size bed in the back. It had a TV, VCR, DVD player, Playstation, Nintendo, stereo system, everything. You name it, that bus had it. Bianca had been impressed enough with AJ’s Florida mansion when she had first seen it, but the fact that such luxury and technology could be put into a bus was unbelievable.

While AJ played around on his laptop computer, Bianca flipped through the collection of tapes and DVD’s stacked by the TV. “Wow, you’ve even got some classics,” she commented, holding up the video cassette of The Sound of Music.

AJ snorted. “Not like I watch them,” he said, rolling his eyes.

“Hey, don’t diss musicals,” Bianca, who had seen all the classic Rodgers and Hammerstein musicals, warned. “Oh, it’s Carousel, Aje! Remember when we went to see that?”

AJ remembered it well; it had been their third or fourth date. “Yup,” he said with a grin. He began to hum “You’ll Never Walk Alone,” one of the classic songs from the musical.

“When you walk through a storm, hold your head up high…” Bianca sang softly.

“And don’t be afraid of the dark,” AJ joined in, smiling at her.

“At the end of the road is a golden sky-“

“And the sweet silver song of a lark…”

The couple looked at each other for a moment, then burst out laughing. “Damn, Aje, we could star in our own musical,” Bianca commented, giggling.

“Or we could just pretend our life is a living musical. And then we could, you know, randomly break out into song and everything, and all the people around us could start singing the background vocals and dancing,” AJ replied.

Picturing that, Bianca laughed even harder, her grayish-blue eyes sparking. Her eyes always sparkled like that when she was happy. AJ just watched her for a moment, taking in everything about her. He loved her so much. And he knew she loved him like that too.

A wave of guiltiness suddenly hit AJ. If only she knew what he had done. Would she still love him like that? Or would she be unable to look him in the eye without thinking about Krystle, the way he could not look at her without thinking about it?

I’ve got to do something about this, AJ thought miserably. But he did not know what.

***

Chapter 5

Late that night, Krystle sat perched on the bed in her hotel suite, her hands clasped tightly in her lap. She heard the toilet flush in the bathroom, and moments later, Howie emerged.

“You ready for bed, baby?” he asked her, yawning. Howie was exhausted after yet another concert. They hadn’t had a night off yet, and he was looking forward to the short break they would have after the second Fort Lauderdale show the next night.

Krystle had removed her makeup, but she was still fully dressed. “Um, Howie, there’s something I have to tell you first,” she said hesitantly, shifting her weight uncomfortably.

Howie sat down next to her on the bed. “What is it?” he asked, peering curiously at her.

“Well… um… there’s no easy way to say this… so I guess I’ll just come right out and say it.” She took a deep breath, then blurted, “I slept with AJ!”

The color drained from Howie’s face, and he stared at her in shock. “You what?” he asked hoarsely.

Ashamed tears filled Krystle’s eyes. “I’m so sorry,” she whimpered. “I… I don’t really know what happened. It was after that fight he and Bianca had the other night. I met him in the hall after I went to tell them to be quiet, and he looked like he needed someone to talk to, and I knew you wanted to go to sleep, so I went down to the bar with him, just to talk. I had a few strawberry daiquiris, more than I had planned to, and he drank a few beers, and I guess we both got drunk. I don’t really remember what happened after that, but… I woke up the next morning to find myself in bed with him.” Her voice trembled, and she looked away from Howie, refusing to meet his eyes.

Howie said nothing. He looked down as well, unable to even look at her. He felt betrayed, used. His girlfriend and his best friend… sleeping together? How could either of them let themselves do something like that? He had only known Krystle for a few months, but AJ had been his best friend for over a decade!

“Howie, I know this doesn’t really make it better,” Krystle continued suddenly, “but it was only one night, only one time. I-I didn’t mean to. I just didn’t know what I was doing. If I was sober, it never would have happened. Never! I love you, Howie!”

She had told him so before, and he had believed her, but now her words sounded phony and fake. How could he trust her when she had slept with another man, his best friend?? How could she really have gotten herself so drunk that she didn’t realize what she was doing? And how could AJ take advantage of her like that? How could he let himself get drunk? He, who had spent a month in rehab and had been sober ever since - how could he let himself slip like that?

“Howie?” Krystle asked, when Howie still did not speak. “Howie, are you mad at me?”

Howie was more hurt than mad. He finally looked up at her, his large brown eyes filled with sadness and pain. Krystle was staring carefully back at him, biting her bottom lip, waiting for his reply.

“I don’t know, Krystle,” he said finally. “I just need to think for awhile.”

She nodded. “Fine. I’ll see you later then, I guess.” She sighed heavily, stood up from the bed, and walked out of sight. Moments later, Howie heard the click of the door closing as she left the suite. He lay back on the bed and closed his eyes, trying to dislodge Krystle’s words from his memory, halfway grateful she had been honest with him, and half wishing she just had not told him.

***

AJ and Bianca had just climbed into bed when the phone rang.

“I’ll get it,” Bianca said, grabbing the phone from the night table on her side of the bed. “Hello?”

“Bean?”

The voice on the other end of the phone was a female one, but not one that Bianca recognized. It was too high-pitched to be her best friend Brianna, but who else would call her Bean? Some of her other friends back home called her that, but how would they get the number to her hotel room? Brianna didn’t even have that number, just her cell phone number.

“Yeah,” she said uncertainly. “Who is this?”

“Krystle,” the girl on the line replied, and Bianca suddenly recognized the voice. Krystle sounded different though; her voice was higher than Bianca remembered it, and it sounded oddly shaky, as if she was crying.

“Hi, Krystle. What’s up? Are you okay?” Bianca asked.

“No,” Krystle sniffed, and Bianca realized she was indeed crying.

“Well, what’s wrong?” asked Bianca, trying to sound sympathetic and not annoyed, although it did irritate her that Krystle suddenly calling her “Bean”, as if they were friends, when it was obvious she needed something.

“Howie and I had a fight,” sobbed Krystle, “and I don’t want to go back into our room.”

“Where are you now?” asked Bianca.

“Down in that little café by the lobby. Bean, I’m sorry to bother you this late at night, but do you think you could come down here? I really need someone to talk to in private.”

Bianca rolled her eyes at AJ. “Well, what about Kristin or Leighanne? Did you call them?” she asked.

“They’re not like you, Bean. They wouldn’t understand,” cried Krystle.

Bianca sighed inwardly, but she was too nice to tell Krystle no. “Alright,” she relented. “Let me just get dressed, and I’ll meet you down there in five minutes.”

“Oh, thanks, Bean, that really means a lot to me!” Krystle replied, sounding cheerier. “I’ll see you in a few minutes.”

“Yeah, see ya,” Bianca replied, and hung up.

“What was that all about?” AJ asked, staring at her with an expression of amusement and bewilderment combined. He knew that Bianca and Krystle weren’t exactly the best of friends.

Bianca rolled her eyes again. “Krystle and Howie had a fight, and she’s sitting down in that café in the lobby, sobbing. She says she doesn’t want to go back up to her room, and she needs someone to talk to.”

AJ shook his head. “No offense, but why you?” he asked. “I mean, it’s no secret you guys aren’t exactly two peas in a pod.”

Bianca shrugged. “That’s what I was thinking,” she replied. “Krystle said Leighanne and Kristin wouldn’t understand. I guess it’s cause I’m closer to her age. But still, you’d think she could just call one of her girlfriends to talk.”

AJ nodded, puzzled. It sounded a little fishy to him too. Suddenly, a horrible thought hit him – What if Krystle wants to tell Bianca what happened between us? He felt sick to his stomach at the thought of it.

“Bianca!” he blurted suddenly, startling her.

“What?” she asked, looking at him strangely.

AJ blushed and continued less vigorously, “You don’t have to go down there. Let me go. Krystle and I get along better than you two do. I can talk to her. We talked a couple nights ago, in fact, after that argument I had with you. You just go to bed, and I’ll handle it.”

“Are you sure? She sounded like she wanted another girl to talk to. You know, girls stick together through this kind of stuff.”

AJ looked at her doubtfully. “You want to ‘stick together’ with Krystle?” he asked.

Bianca grinned sheepishly. “No,” she admitted. “Are you sure you want to go down there? I’m sure she’ll still be blubbering about it. Do you really want her sobbing on your shoulder?”

AJ chuckled. “It’ll be fine,” he said confidently. “You just go to bed. I’ll be back later, alright?”

Bianca smiled gratefully. “Alright. Love you.” She leaned over to give him a quick kiss on the cheek.

“Love you too,” AJ replied, standing up. He was dressed in only his boxers. He found his jeans lying on the floor and pulled them on, then looked quickly around for a shirt.

“My sweatshirt’s by the door,” Bianca said. “Just wear that.”

“Thanks,” AJ said, slipping on a pair of soccer sandals over his bare feet and grabbing her gray hooded sweatshirt, which had actually once been his. It was just something Bianca had worn around so much that he had given it to her. “Bye!” he called, grabbing his room key and slipping out the door.

It was very early in the morning, and the hallway was dark and deserted. He crept along quietly, so as to not awaken any of his bodyguards, who were also sleeping on that floor, or teenyboppers. He knew he was not supposed to be out of his room without proper security, but he knew Krystle wouldn’t want a bunch of bodyguards listening to her boyfriend problems.

He made it to the elevators at the end of the hall and pressed the down button. He stood, staring straight ahead at the closed elevator doors as he waited. He did not see the dark figure creep out from the shadows behind him. The elevator arrived, and the doors slid open with a ding. As AJ started into the lighted elevator, a pair of hands grabbed him roughly from behind. Before he could cry out, a hand clamped over his mouth, muffling his scream. He was shoved violently into the elevator, his face slamming hard into metal of the back wall. Before he could recover from that, he was jerked backwards again and pushed to the ground, landing flat on his face.

He never saw his attacker.

He never knew what was coming.

Just seconds later, a hard, heavy object struck the back of his head with a crushing force, and he fell into oblivion.

***

Chapter 6

Bianca was sound asleep when her cell phone went off. She awoke to the sound of a digitalized version of “Everybody” playing, recognized it as her ring tone, and scrambled up to answer the phone before it woke AJ up too. But as she sat up, she realized he was not in bed beside her. For a moment, she felt panicked, then remembered Krystle’s phone call earlier and figured he was probably still down talking to her.

Bianca climbed out of bed, found her purse, and rummaged through it until she found her ringing cell phone. “Hello?” she answered it, wondering who would be calling her so early in the morning. Looking at the clock, she saw that it was not even four.

“Miss Parker?” The voice on the other line was a deep male voice, one that Bianca did not recognize.

“Yes,” replied Bianca. “Who is this?”

“Officer Davidson from the Broward County Police Department. I’m calling about your boyfriend, AJ McLean.”

Bianca drew in a sharp breath. “What is it?” she asked, her voice shaking with fear.

“I’m very sorry to have to tell you this, miss, but Mr. McLean was found in an elevator at the Palace Hotel. He was… dead.”

“What!” Bianca cried, her breathing growing fast and irregular. “No! No, that can’t be! I-I’m here at the Palace now! He’s not dead! H-he’s down with K-Krystle; he…” But she had begun to cry so hard she could not speak.

“Shhh, calm down, miss,” the police officer said. “We need someone to come down to the morgue to make an identification. Is there anyone who could drive you?” Bianca only began to sob harder. “Miss Parker?” the officer asked. “I know this is a shock, but you have to calm down, Miss Parker. Do you want me to send a taxi to pick you up, or can someone drive you?”

“S-someone can d-drive me,” Bianca choked out in a strangely high-pitched, trembling voice that sounded nothing like her own.

“Alright. He’s at the Wilson Morgue. I’ll be waiting there for you. Again, I’m very sorry to have to call you with this news,” Officer Davidson said.

Bianca just set the phone down, her hand shaking so badly she could barely press the “end” button to shut it off. She absently put it back in her purse and crossed the room to the bed. Once at the bed, her knees went weak, and she collapsed down on it, breaking into hysterical tears again.

When her tears finally slowed, and she came to her senses again, Bianca sat up and reached for the hotel phone. She picked it up and held it to her ear, listening to the dial tone for a long time. Finally, she punched in some numbers. This was going to be one of the hardest phone calls she’d ever had to make.

***

Howie was jolted awake by the ringing of the phone from the nightstand on the other side of his bed.

“Can you get that, Krys?” he mumbled, disoriented. When he got no reply, he groaned and reached over to turn on the lamp that sat on his nightstand. Dim light flooded the room.

Rolling over, Howie saw that Krystle was not in bed. I guess I hurt her feelings, he thought guiltily. But then again, she deserved it. She couldn’t really expect me to be happy with her. Not after what she did.

Meanwhile, the phone kept ringing, and Howie, growing annoyed with its persistence, quickly crawled over and grabbed the phone from the nightstand on Krystle’s side of the bed. This better not be fan, he thought irritably.

“Hello?” Howie asked groggily, rubbing his bleary eyes as he held the phone to his ear.

“Howie!” came Bianca’s voice, shrill and trembling.

Howie was immediately alert. Something was wrong; he could tell by her tone of voice. “Bean? What’s wrong?”

It’s probably nothing, he tried to assure himself. She and AJ just probably had another fight. He rolled his eyes, slightly annoyed. He had no patience to deal with AJ right now, not after what he had just found out. But deep down, he knew it was more than just a spat between AJ and Bianca. Bianca’s reply confirmed it.

“It’s AJ!” Bianca sobbed into the phone. “Oh, Howie, he’s… he’s dead!”

The phone slid right out of Howie’s hand, which had suddenly become icy cold and trembling. He could have sworn his heart had just stopped beating. This had to be a joke, some kind of sick joke AJ had invented. Yes, that was it. AJ must have persuaded Bianca to go along with it, to call Howie and say that he had died. After all, it couldn’t be real. There was no way. AJ couldn’t be dead; Howie had just been with him a few hours earlier, after the concert. He was probably in the room with Bianca, laughing his head off.

But when Howie slowly bent over and retrieved the phone from the floor, he heard no laughing, only Bianca’s soft crying. “Howie?” she asked between sniffles, her voice thick with tears.

“I-I…” Howie had wanted to say “I’m here”, but at that moment, it hit him – this was no joke. AJ was really dead. He could not speak. He felt a burning sensation in his throat, as he struggled to hold back tears. His struggle was only in vain; a floodgate opened, and the tears came flowing from his brown eyes. “Oh my God,” Howie cried, sobs racking his trembling body. “Oh my God!”

It was a very strange phone call; for several minutes, Howie and Bianca sat, only a wall between them, sobbing together over the phone, unable to speak. It was Bianca who finally came to her senses and said, tearfully, “Can I come over to your room, Howie?”

“S-sure,” Howie choked out. Bianca hung up the phone without another word, and just a minute later, knocked on his door. Howie got up and flung it open.

There she stood, her face red and tearstained, her blue-gray eyes bloodshot and swollen from crying. She was barefoot and wearing just a t-shirt and yellow pajama pants with monkeys on them. Her short, reddish-brown hair was sticking out at funny angles from sleeping.

“Bean,” Howie whispered, reaching out and pulling her into his embrace. He needed the hug just as much as she did. He pulled her into the room, never letting go of her, and managed to kick the door shut, still hugging her tightly to him, while she lay her head on his shoulder and wept.

Finally, they managed to regain their composure, somewhat, and Howie was finally able to ask, “What happened to him?”

“I don’t know,” Bianca said, shuddering. “The police didn’t say. All he said was to come to the morgue.” She shuddered again.

“I’ll come with you,” Howie said, swallowing hard. “Have you told anyone else yet?”

Bianca shook her head. “You’re his best friend. I called you first.”

He nodded. “We have to tell the other guys. And Krystle…” He looked to her side of the bed, still empty, the covers pulled up. He wondered where she could be. She had been gone for hours and hadn’t slept since the night before. Maybe she had crashed in one of the other guys’ rooms, not wanting to come back to sleep with him.

He pushed Krystle out of his mind; he didn’t want to think about her now. But when he did think of her and remembered why she had left, he suddenly felt very guilty. Krystle and AJ had slept with each other. And he had been angry with AJ. And now AJ was dead.

Looking at Bianca, Howie wondered if she knew. Had AJ told her? But it didn’t matter now. It was better that she didn’t know. What good would it do now, now that AJ was gone?

Gone.

The thought seemed so unbelievable. How could AJ be gone, dead, just like that? He remembered his sister Caroline’s death. Although it had been horrible and traumatic, it had not come as such a shock. Caroline had lived with lupus for years and had been getting worse; they all knew it was just a matter of time before she passed on. But AJ… AJ was completely healthy. He was only twenty-four, a young man, in the prime of his life. No one had ever expected this. No one had seen it coming. And even though he knew it was true, Howie still could not accept that his best friend was really dead.

“Should we call them now?” Bianca asked quietly, bringing Howie out of his thoughts.

“Yeah,” Howie said hoarsely. “Let’s start with Kevin.”

As the man, Howie felt obligated to be the strong one, to stay calm and take care of everything for Bianca, although he half-expected her to want to make the calls herself. Normally, he knew Bianca to be very independent, liberal, and stubborn. She was a strong women, very sensible and cool-headed. She was the kind of girl who liked to do things for herself. He recalled one incident when he and Krystle had been out with Bianca and AJ. Bianca had been driving, and they got a flat tire. He and AJ had both offered to fix it, but Bianca had insisted she do it herself. And she had.

But now she stood there in front of him, distraught and shaking, tears streaming silently down her blotchy cheeks. Howie walked over to sit down on the bed and picked up the phone, and for once, Bianca did not protest.

***

“Hello, Miss Parker,” said the police officer, nodding in greeting at Bianca. “I’m Officer Davidson. So sorry we had to meet under these circumstances.”

Howie glanced over at Bianca, who was standing at his side, tearful and pale. He could tell she was in no mood for introductions.

Howie and Bianca had called Kevin, and after another long, tearful conversation, Kevin had persuaded them to call a cab to take them to the morgue, while he told the others the horrible news. And now, there they were – the Wilson morgue.

“What happened to him?” Howie asked, wanting to get straight to the point and get some answers.

The officer cleared his throat and said, in a grim voice, “I’m very sorry to have to tell you this, but it looks like Mr. McLean was murdered.”

Bianca gasped and let out a strangled sob.

“Murdered? How? What happened?” Howie demanded, shocked.

“His body was found in an elevator at the hotel you were staying at. He suffered from stab wounds and several blows to the head, it looks like. We’ll no more about his injuries when we do an autopsy.”

“Do you have any idea who did it?” Howie asked, momentarily feeling a surge of anger overpower his grief.

“Not yet. The elevator has been blocked off, as I’m sure you’ve seen, and other police are on the scene as we speak, dusting for prints and any other evidence we can find.”

“Oh God,” Bianca choked out, speaking for the first time since they had gotten there.

Howie glanced at her and saw that she was shaking like a leaf. He wanted to get out of there as soon as possible.

“Could we see AJ now, please, Officer?” he asked politely, swallowing hard.

Officer Davidson nodded. “Of course,” he replied. “And you are?”

“Howie Dorough,” Howie said. “I’m… I mean… I was AJ’s best friend.” A lump rose in his throat, and Howie felt a sudden strong urge to cry again. He fought it back and tried to keep his composure.

“Follow me,” Officer Davidson said, and he led them down a hallway and into a room. The room was all white and stainless steel, just like a hospital room. The walls were full of large drawers, where Bianca knew they stored dead bodies. There were several stainless steel tables in the room, long white lumps lying on top of them. Knowing that AJ was one of those lumps, that his dead body was lying on one of those tables, under one of those white sheets, made Bianca sick to her stomach.

The police officer walked through the room to the table furthest from the door. “Here he is,” he said, and he slowly peeled back the white sheet that covered the figure on the table, just enough to expose the face.

And sure enough, it was AJ’s face.

***

Chapter 7

Bianca let out a loud gasp and covered her mouth with her hands. Somehow, up until that very moment, it had still seemed unbelievable to her, like a horrible nightmare that she was just waiting to wake up from. But now, seeing AJ lying on that table, the reality of it hit her.

Howie’s arm came protectively around Bianca, as the two of them stared down on their friend. To Howie’s relief, AJ just looked like he was sleeping. Howie hadn’t known what to expect, but from what Officer Davidson had told them, he had been fearing the worst, that he would have to look down on AJ’s bloody remains. But the only blood was a little spot of it soaking the white sheet covering the table, right below AJ’s head. Other than that, AJ looked very pale, but otherwise fine.

“He suffered massive trauma to the back of his head,” Officer Davidson said quietly. “His skull was shattered, and I’m sure he died instantly. He probably never even knew what was happening.”

Bianca figured he was only trying to comfort them, but the policeman’s words only made Bianca feel even more queasy, as she pictured someone creeping up behind AJ and striking him on the head, killing him instantly. He probably never even knew what was happening. The words echoed in her head and made her even sadder. AJ hadn’t known what was coming. One minute he was alive and well, and the next, he was gone for forever, without having any time to even say goodbye.

“You said he was stabbed too,” Howie pointed out. “Wouldn’t they have stabbed him first and then hit him?”

Bianca looked over at Howie and shuddered. She didn’t want to know the gory details, the order in which they had maimed her AJ. She just wanted to get out of there.

Officer Davidson cleared his throat uncomfortable. “Well, we’re not sure about that yet, of course, but…” He cleared his throat again and continued, “his murder looks to be part of a pattern of serial killings that have been occurring in the Florida area. He’s the third victim that we know of.”

Bianca’s eyes widened in fright, and she suddenly remembered the news reports she had seen just days earlier on the bodies found in Daytona and Miami.

Early this morning, the body of nineteen-year-old Sarah Delap was recovered from the outskirts of a Miami park. Delap had been missing from her college dormitory at the University of Miami since Thursday night. She was found with a fatal contusion to the head and stab wounds to the chest and stomach. Disturbingly, the wounds formed the pattern of a smiley face, leading police to the conclusion that her death is connected to the death of twenty-one-year-old James Murphy, whose body was discovered Wednesday afternoon near Daytona Beach with the same pattern of stab wounds to the chest…

“You mean… h-his stab wounds… they’re in the shape of a… a hap-“ Bianca’s eyes filled with tears of shock and horror, and she stopped, unable to finish her sentence.

Officer Davidson nodded slowly, his lips grimly pressed together. “They’re calling whoever did this the Smiley Face Killer. From what we’ve seen, he strikes at random, killing young people in their late teens and early twenties. The three victims have been a twenty-one-year-old man, a nineteen-year-old girl, and… Mr. McLean. From what we’ve found, the girl and the boy that was first murdered had nothing in common. They didn’t live near each other and didn’t know each other at all. The murders seem totally at random.”

Bianca shook her head in disgust, tears again filling her eyes.

“At least it wasn’t someone who wanted to kill AJ specifically,” Howie said softly.

“What does it matter?” Bianca snapped. “Doesn’t it freak you out, knowing that some psychopath was in the hotel, right down the hall from where we were staying? It could have easily been you or me or any of the others! Doesn’t that scare you at all?”

“Bianca… I didn’t mean it like that,” Howie said, alarmed at her outburst. “I’m just saying that if it was totally random, the killer will move on and leave us alone. It’s better than if it was someone out to get all of us.”

Bianca said nothing, just looked away, swiping at her tear-filled eyes with one hand.

“Would you like to take a few minutes with the body?” Officer Davidson asked gently.

Howie glanced at Bianca, who furiously shook her head. She felt nauseous and had a headache from crying. All she wanted was to go back to the hotel and sleep. Right then, it seemed that sleep was the only way she could escape the horror she had just experienced.

“No,” Howie said. “If we can, Bianca and I would like to go back now.”

The officer nodded. “I will need to question both of you at some point, but that can wait till later. Go back to your hotel and try to get some rest.”

Howie doubted he’d ever fall asleep, but Bianca looked on the verge of collapse, so he nodded and, putting his arm around her again, led her out of the room.

***

As it turned out, not even sleep could take away the pain and horror of what had happened to AJ. Bianca was so exhausted, both physically and emotionally, that she fell asleep almost immediately after collapsing onto her bed in the hotel suite. But her sleep was ravaged by horrible nightmares.

“Follow me,” Officer Davidson said, and he led them down a hallway and into a room. The room was all white and stainless steel, just like a hospital room. The walls were full of large drawers, where Bianca knew they stored dead bodies. There were several stainless steel tables in the room, long white lumps lying on top of them. Knowing that AJ was one of those lumps, that his dead body was lying on one of those tables, under one of those white sheets, made Bianca sick to her stomach.

The police officer walked through the room to the table furthest from the door. “Here he is,” he said, and he slowly peeled back the white sheet that covered the figure on the table. He pulled it down, and Bianca could see AJ’s pale, motionless face. Then the sheet was ripped off, exposing his whole body.

Bianca gasped as she saw the deep, bloody knife-wounds marring his chest and stomach, wounds that appeared to be in the shape of a grinning, blood-dripping face. Suddenly, to her horror, AJ’s body jerked forward, and he sat up, his eyes flashing open. But they were not their usual deep brown, but bright red.

“Bianca,” AJ whispered in a cold, throaty voice. He grinned savagely at her, his smile looking as horrible as the one that had been slashed into his chest. “Bianca…” he hissed. “Bianca…”

Bianca screamed. She screamed and screamed, and still AJ chanted her name. “Bianca… Bianca…”

“Bianca! Bianca!”

Bianca awoke to the sound of her own scream. Someone was shaking her; someone was calling her name, she realized. But, opening her eyes and looking around wildly, she realized it was not AJ. Instead, she found herself looking up into another set of brown eyes, these ones wide with concern.

“Howie,” she whispered. Her whole body was trembling, and she had broken out in a cold sweat. “Howie, I saw him! H-he woke up, and he was talking to me, but it, it wasn’t really him! H-he was evil! He kept whispering my name, and his eyes were red, and-“

“Shh, shh, Bianca, calm down,” Howie said, gently grabbing both of her shoulders. “It’s alright; it was just a dream. You’re fine.”

Looking around, Bianca realized she was still in her hotel room, in the bed she and AJ had once shared. AJ was not there.

Her fear left her and was replaced by the painful sense of loss. Her AJ, the loving, caring AJ, not the monster from her dream, was gone. If it had been a normal night, it would have been him waking her up from her nightmare, comforting her while she tried to calm down. But AJ was dead. Howie was there instead to console her.

“Are you alright?” Howie asked, as Bianca’s ragged breathing slowed.

She nodded slowly. “It was just a dream,” she said softly. “Only a nightmare.” She shuddered and tried to get the memory of it out of her mind, picturing the AJ she knew in her head. But that only brought back the pain again, and once again, her eyes brimmed with tears.

“I’ve never cried so much in my life,” she sniffled, wiping her eyes. “You’d think I’d be all dried out now.”

Howie smiled sadly. “It’s not that easy, Bean,” he said sympathetically. “I know; I’ve been there before.”

Bianca nodded, remembering how his sister Caroline had died. Howie was right; he had been there before. He knew what it was like to lose someone you loved. And now he had to deal with all that pain all over again.

“Is she okay, Howie?” called a voice.

Bianca groaned inwardly; she knew that voice. “Don’t let her come in,” she started to tell Howie, not wanting Krystle to see her like that. But apparently, Howie had left her door open because in came Krystle.

“Oh, Bianca!” she cried when she saw her. “Oh, you poor thing! Are you alright??”

Does it look like I’m alright?? Bianca wanted to yell, but she said nothing, just shrugged.

“Bianca, I’m so sorry! This is all so horrible!” Krystle cried. “If there’s anything I can do, anything at all…”

Bianca shook her head. “No,” she said. “There’s nothing anyone can do right now.”

Krystle nodded. “I understand,” she replied. “But you know I’m here, if you need someone to talk to.”

You’re the last person I would talk to, Bianca thought, but again, she kept her mouth shut. “I just want to be alone right now, I think,” she said quietly, looking down at her hands, which rested atop her covers. They were still clammy and trembled slightly.

“Are you sure?” Howie asked.

“Yeah.”

“Okay. Well, we’ll be next door if you need anything,” Howie said. “Come on, Krys.”

The two left, shutting the door quietly behind them, and Bianca lay back down. She could tell that it was getting light outside, but she didn’t want to get up. She pulled the covers over her face and closed her eyes, and in just a few minutes, she had drifted into a dreamless sleep.

***

Chapter 8

AJ slowly opened his eyes. As his blurred vision cleared, his surroundings came into focus. He was expecting to find himself in bed, in his hotel suite, but when he looked around, he found that he was lying on a hard floor. The walls around him were made of shiny metal. Blinking, he sat up, looked around once more, and realized he was in an elevator.

What the hell is going on? AJ wondered, continuing to study the elevator in confusion. It wasn’t everyday you wake up to find yourself lying in an elevator.

But suddenly, he remembered what had happened the last time he had been awake. He remembered walking into the elevator and the sudden push from behind. He remembered hitting his head on the wall of the elevator and crashing to the floor. He remembered the sharp pain in his head, and the world going black. And that was it.

Immediately, AJ’s hand went up to pull down the hood of his sweatshirt, which he had pulled up to hide his face from any fans that might have been lurking around in the halls, and he felt the back of his head, expecting to find dried blood encrusted in his hair. But there was nothing. His hair was not even stiff with gel, for he had showered before he had gone to bed that night, washing all the gel out. His hair felt soft and normal.

Shrugging, AJ then moved his hand to his forehead, again expecting to find blood or at least a bruise or bump there from where he had hit his head against the wall. But again, there was nothing. His head felt fine.

Frowning, AJ scooted closer to the shiny metal walls, hoping to catch a glimpse of his reflection so he could see for himself. But he could see nothing in the shiny metal.

Why am I wasting my time here? AJ suddenly thought, standing up. I should go back to the room. He suddenly realized he had no idea how long he had been there. Would Bianca be worried that he hadn’t come back?

AJ thought for a minute, then decided he couldn’t have been lying there for very long. Surely other people would have come into the elevator and seen him there. Then again, it was the middle of the night.

Deciding he had better get back to his room right away and find out for himself, AJ went to the panel of buttons alongside the elevator doors and started to push the button that opened the doors. But when he reached out his index finger to hit the button, his finger seemed to go straight through it, as if it were nothing but air.

Stunned, AJ shook his head, blinked, and tried again. But again, it seemed as if his finger touched nothing.

I must have hit my head pretty hard after all, AJ thought. My depth perception must be screwed up. Deciding the panel must be farther than it looked to him, he reached out further and tried to push the button. But to his total shock, his hand went straight through the panel and disappeared from the wrist down.

Recoiling in shock, AJ pulled back his hand, which appeared again at once. He blinked three times and stared at his hand in disbelief.

Am I hallucinating or something? AJ wondered, rubbing his head. It felt solid enough; his hand did not go right through that.

As he stood there, pondering what had just happened, he was startled by a sudden rumble, as the elevator doors slid open. AJ was surprised to see that the hallway outside the elevator was brightly lit, not dim, as it had been when he had left his room earlier.

I guess I was passed out for longer than I thought, he realized, shuddering at the thought of himself lying unnoticed in an elevator for hours. Where was Bianca? Hadn’t anyone been looking for him?

To his surprise, Bianca suddenly walked into the elevator. Howie was at her side, one arm around her waist, the other holding Krystle’s hand. Brian and Leighanne, Kevin and Kristin, and Nick followed. Several bodyguards brought up the rear. Everyone dressed in shades of black and dark gray and wore very somber expressions on their faces.

“Hey, guys, where’s the funeral?” AJ said with a laugh, expecting Bianca to gasp and fling her arms around his neck and scream at him for disappearing and making her worry.

But he didn’t get the reaction he expected, not from anyone. Rather than the looks of surprise and relief, his friends’ faces remained solemn, blank even. They did not even acknowledge his presence.

“Guys?” AJ asked, making his voice louder this time. “Hey, you guys, where are you going?”

Marcus, one of their bodyguards, pressed the button for the ground level – Hey, his hand doesn’t pass through it, AJ noticed – and the elevator lurched and headed downwards.

“Guys? Hello! Come on, you guys, this isn’t funny! What’d I do? Why are you ignoring me?” AJ’s voice rose with anger and hurt as he still got no reaction. No one even looked at him. AJ glared at them all, his gaze focusing on Nick. Was this one of Nick’s stupid pranks, to ignore him and pretend he didn’t exist like that?

Gee, thanks for your concern, guys, AJ thought sarcastically. They’re not even glad to see me alive. Didn’t they even worry about me? Didn’t they wonder where I was or what happened to me?

Glaring, AJ stormed over to Nick and waved his hand in front of his friend’s face. To his surprise, Nick did not flinch, did not even blink. “Nick?” AJ asked. “Nick!” He shouted Nick’s name at the top of his lungs, but again, no one moved. It was like they couldn’t hear him. Like he wasn’t even there.

The elevator came to a stop, and the door slid open. The group walked slowly out of the elevator, and AJ followed, walking alongside Nick. To AJ’s surprise, the lobby was nearly deserted, a huge change from what they were accustomed to – hotel lobbies filled with screaming, crying girls. But now there was not a fan in sight.

Security led them outside, where two black limos were parked in front of the large hotel. The group divided up – Brian, Leighanne, Kevin, and Kristin got into one limo, and Howie, Krystle, Bianca, and Nick climbed into the other. AJ slid in beside Bianca, but she pretended like he was not there.

“Bean, would you just look at me?” AJ asked in exasperation. “Come on, Bean! What did I do? Why are you doing this to me?”

And suddenly he realized what must be going on – Krystle had told Bianca what had happened. Bianca knew he had cheated on her, and she and the rest of the group were giving AJ the silent treatment. She knew that just plain ignoring AJ, who always craved attention, was torture to him.

“Bianca…” AJ’s tone softened. “Bean, I’m so sorry. I never meant for it to happen. I’m so sorry. You have to believe me. I love you! I would never intentionally cheat on you! I didn’t realize what was happening, I swear!” But she continued to ignore him. Growing frustrated, AJ threw up his hands and exclaimed, “Oh, grow up, Bianca!”

“You alright, Bean?” Howie asked softly, ignoring AJ’s comments.

Bianca had folded her hands tightly in her lap and was staring down at them, her bronze hair falling into her eyes. She made no attempt to push the coppery strands out of her face, nor did she answer Howie.

“It’s gonna be alright, Bianca,” Krystle put in optimistically. “This is the worst part. After today, everything’s going to get better. You’ll start to get over it.”

“I’ll never get over it,” Bianca said quietly. “He was the first man I ever loved. Why did this have to happen?” Her voice began to waver on the last few words, and she blinked furiously. AJ saw that tears had filled her eyes.

“Bianca!” he cried pleadingly. “It doesn’t have to be like that! I still love you! You can still love me too! We can be just like we used to be! Nothing has to change!”

Nick reached over and turned on the radio. Loud rock music flooded the back of the limousine.

Howie gave Nick a look. “Is that really necessary, Nick?” he asked in exasperation.

“What?” Nick asked, shrugging innocently. “I just thought we could use some music to take our minds off everything.”

“Turn it off, Nick,” Howie said, and, scowling, Nick reached over to turn the radio off.

“No, leave it on,” Bianca said suddenly, stopping him. “It’s okay. I could use a distraction.”

The song ended after a couple more minutes, and a news brief came on.

“This is Todd Larson with Fort Lauderdale’s Channel 2 News. Much of the world is in mourning today after the death of what looks to be the third victim of the serial killer police have dubbed “The Smiley Face Killer”. The Smiley Face Killer has struck three times in Florida, targeting young adults in their teens and early twenties. The latest victim was not just a normal young man, however. Early Tuesday morning, the body of twenty-four-year-old Backstreet Boy-“

The words of the news anchor were suddenly cut short as Howie quickly shut off the radio. “Sorry, Bean,” he said softly.

Bianca’s shoulders had begun to shake, as she began to cry again.

But AJ’s body was trembling even more. He had heard what the man on the news had started to say. The body of twenty-four-year-old Backstreet Boy…

AJ McLean.

He suddenly knew why no one could hear or see him.

He was dead.

***

Chapter 9

Am I a ghost? AJ wondered, confused and stunned by the realization that he was no longer a living, breathing person. And yet, he was still here on Earth. Where was the afterlife?

No, AJ told himself. I can’t be a ghost. I can’t be dead. There’s gotta be some kind of mistake. After all, ghosts did not exist. If he was dead, he would be in Heaven, not riding in a limo with his friends and girlfriend. Maybe it was all some kind of elaborate trick that Brian and Nick had cooked up together. After all, Frick and Frack were notorious for pranks. Maybe this was just another one of them. Maybe the radio broadcast was not a radio broadcast at all, but a tape that they had made and put into the limo’s cassette deck. Maybe…

No, AJ thought again, contradicting himself. There’s no way they could pull something like that off. There’s no way everyone could keep this up for so long. It can’t be a joke.

But that meant only one thing – that it was real.

I really am dead, AJ realized slowly, a sick feeling settling in the pit of his stomach. I don’t exist anymore. But I do. I’m still here. But what am I?

The questions puzzled him throughout the whole ride in the limo. He was thinking so hard that he did not bother to notice where they were headed. But when the car stopped, AJ looked out and realized with a jolt that they were at a cemetery. Not just any cemetery, but the cemetery in West Palm Beach that his grandparents had been buried in.

And I’m going to be buried here too, AJ realized, looking around at the group, noticing again their dark clothing and somber expressions. Today was his funeral.

The limo driver came around and opened the doors, helping Bianca and Krystle out. Howie and Nick climbed out after them. Howie offered Krystle one of his arms and Bianca the other, and the three of them walked side by side, huddled close together. Nick lagged along behind, looking lost.

Out of the other car climbed Leighanne, Kristin, Brian, and Kevin. They met up with the other four and walked in a large group through the wrought-iron gates of the cemetery, surrounded by their bodyguards. AJ followed along behind, knowing it didn’t matter if he stayed near security. No one could grab him or stampede him ever again. No one could see him, and he figured that if anyone tried to touch him, their hand would pass right through his body, just as his hand had gone through the elevator panel.

AJ followed the group through the cemetery, to an area where many chairs were set up and people were already gathering. AJ recognized many of them as old friends from school and dance and acting classes and people he had worked with in the earlier days of the Backstreet Boys. He saw some of his relatives there, aunts and uncles and cousins.

And then he saw something truly terrible. Up in the front stood his mother and his father, together, arm in arm, his mother shaking with sobs.

“Mama,” AJ whispered, his heart breaking at the sight. He had never seen his parents together like that, never seen them touch each other, comfort each other. And he had never seen his mother cry like that. It was horrible.

AJ walked quickly up to them. It grew more and more painful to watch with every step. “Mom,” AJ said, reaching out to her. His hand slipped right through her shoulder. “Mama, don’t cry. I’m here, Mama. I’m okay. Please don’t cry.” He longed to touch her, to hold her, to comfort her, but he could not. It was his fault she was so upset, and he could do nothing to ease her pain.

His father was not crying, but he had a sad, solemn expression on his face. He stared straight ahead, but looked as if he was not really focusing on anything.

He did care about me, AJ thought, staring at his father, the father he barely knew. Growing up as a child, AJ had felt like his father simply did not exist. Up until a few years ago, he had never seen or heard from him as a child, except once when he was about ten. Then, after the Backstreet Boys had become popular, AJ had tracked him down and appeared on his doorstep. Robert McLean had seemed happy to see him and become reacquainted, but deep down, AJ had always felt that he was only trying to be a father now that his son was famous. But the pained expression on Robert’s face now told AJ otherwise. His father had made some mistakes in the past. He had not been there for AJ during his life. But he did care; he did love him. The realization provided AJ with a sense of closure.

Something else caught AJ’s eye, and he moved slowly forward, past his parents. There, behind the altar that had been set up in front of the rows of chairs, was his casket. It was surrounded by flowers, and the lid was open. Feeling slightly numb, AJ approached it hesitantly. Standing up next to it, he swallowed hard and peered down into it. There, he saw himself, lying stiff and motionless on a bed of dark red satin, dressed in a black suit. He was glad to see that his hair had been left dyed red and spiked. It was the only part of him that still looked real. His skin looked waxy and fake, and he looked too proper wearing a suit like that. AJ had always hated wearing suits.

AJ jumped the sound of approaching people and turned around to see the four remaining Backstreet Boys, Krystle, Leighanne, Kristin, and Bianca approaching.

“Go ahead,” Bianca said, hanging back. “I’ll go last.”

Kristin and Kevin slowly walked up to the casket first. AJ saw that Kevin’s face looked deathly white, and Kristin had dark smudges of mascara under her eyes from crying.

“I love you, man,” Kevin whispered hoarsely, looking down solemnly at AJ’s body.

Over here, AJ thought. I’m over here, Train. But Kevin and Kristin moved on without a glance at him.

Howie and Krystle came next. Krystle looked very uncomfortable and rather shaky. She clutched onto Howie’s arm as he led her up to the casket. AJ saw that Howie had tears in his deep brown eyes. He opened his mouth to speak, but no sound came out. Instead, he bent his head, made the mark of a cross with his hand, and walked on, trying hard to keep his composure.

Nick came up by himself. He stood next to the casket for a brief moment, barely even looking inside. Then he put his hand up to shield his face and hurried away without a word.

Then came Leighanne and Brian. Leighanne’s nose was red, and Brian’s eyes looked swollen. They both stopped at the casket, and, clutching onto each other’s hands, they bowed their heads, and Brian mumbled a quick prayer.

“Goodbye, J,” he whispered, his voice thick. “I love you. Until we meet again…” With that, he and Leighanne slowly started to walk away.

AJ watched them bitterly as they passed by him, expecting to be ignored as he was with the others. He had come to accept the fact that no one could see him and that he was going to be overlooked and ignored for the rest of his… well, whatever this was.

But then something strange happened. Rather than pass on by him without a second glance, Brian suddenly glanced up and stopped. He looked directly at AJ.

“Rok?” AJ asked in disbelief, turning around to make sure that Brian was not looking at something behind him. But there was nothing. When he turned back, Brian was still staring at him, a perplexed look crossing his face. “Brian, it’s me!” AJ said, stepping forward. “You can see me! You can actually see me!”

“What is it?” Leighanne asked Brian. He pulled his attention away from AJ to look at her.

“Nothing,” he said. He glanced quickly back towards AJ, then shook his head, blinking. “Nothing at all.”

As he led Leighanne away, AJ felt a sinking sensation. Maybe Brian hadn’t seen him after all. But he had to have seen something. Something had to have attracted his attention. But what?

AJ’s attention was drawn back to the casket when Bianca walked up to it. He saw that her eyes were dry, her head held up high. “I love you,” she whispered, her voice sounding strained. He could tell she was trying very had to be brave and calm, but her courage was faltering. She blinked rapidly, shook her head, and hurried away. As she went past AJ, he stepped towards her, full of hope. Would she notice him, the way Brian had seemed to?

But Bianca didn’t give him a second glance. She walked quickly past the altar and joined the others, who were standing near AJ’s parents. AJ sighed heavily. Everyone was upset and crying because he was dead. But he wasn’t truly gone. He was still there, standing right in front of them, caught somewhere between life and the afterlife. If only they knew…

***

Chapter 10

“Bianca!”

As soon as Bianca saw her mother and father in the airport, she burst into tears. Her parents hurried over to her, and her mother threw her arms around her and pulled her into a hug. “Oh, baby…” she whispered, smoothing Bianca’s auburn hair as Bianca sobbed.

It was the day after AJ’s funeral, and Bianca had returned to North Carolina, to the place where she had grown up, the place where her parents lived. She had to get away from Florida, get away from the other guys, get away from everything. But although she could escape the place where AJ had been killed, she could not escape the pain. It was just as bad here in North Carolina as it had been in Florida.

“Honey… are you going to be okay?” Bianca’s father asked, looking at her in concern.

Bianca glared up at him through her tears. “What do you think?” she snapped. He looked hurt, and she sighed. “I’m sorry, Dad,” she whispered. “I’m just… I don’t know…”

“We understand, dear,” her mother said quickly. “We know how horrible this is for you. If there’s anything we can do to make this easier…”

“Just take me home,” Bianca interjected dully. “I just want to go home.”

Her parents nodded. “Let’s go get your luggage, and then we’ll go straight home,” said her father. He patted her on the shoulder, and her mother put an arm around her as they walked slowly off towards the baggage claim area.

On the way home, Bianca stared blankly out the window, watching the familiar scenery pass by without really seeing it. When the car pulled into the driveway of her parents’ home, the house where she had grown up, she climbed out of the car and walked quickly up to the front door. Her father got her suitcases, and her mother hurried up to unlock the front door for her.

Without a word, Bianca walked into the house and went straight upstairs to her old bedroom. It looked very bare; most of her old furniture was still there, but her possessions were gone. They were still at AJ’s house. She didn’t mind though; the room looked exactly like she felt – empty. It seemed fitting.

Bianca flopped down on her old bed, burying her face in the pillows. She lay like that for a long time, ignoring her father when he came to bring in her luggage, shrugging off her mother when she came to try to comfort her daughter. She didn’t want them with her. The only one she wanted was AJ, but he was gone. She was alone.

***

A few hours later, there was a soft knock on Bianca’s door. Bianca ignored it. With a soft click, the door opened, and Bianca quickly shut her eyes, pretending to be asleep.

“Bianca?” her mother asked gently. “Sweetie, are you awake? There’s someone here to see you.” Bianca ignored her, keeping silent and still. “It’s Brianna,” her mother added.

Bianca hesitated for a moment, then rolled over to face her mother. “Brianna’s here?” she asked, her voice hoarse from crying.

“Yes,” said her mother. “I told her you might not want to see her, but you really should and talk to her for a few minutes, honey. She’s your best friend, you haven’t seen her in months, and she’s really concerned about you.”

Bianca wiped her eyes. She knew her mother was right. She couldn’t ignore Brianna, who had been her best friend for many years. “Alright,” she said, slowly sitting up. “Tell her to come on up here.”

Her mother smiled. “I will,” she said and went back downstairs.

Bianca listened as her footsteps faded, then got up from the bed and crossed the room to her old dresser. She glanced at herself in the mirror hanging over the dresser and grimaced. She looked like hell. Her hair was flat and matted from lying down, her skin looked white, her cheeks were blotchy and tearstained, and her eyes were bloodshot and puffy. She sniffled, blinked, and tried to force a smile on to her face, but the thought of smiling only made her want to cry again. How could she ever be happy enough to smile again? It felt like every day from now on would be like this, and she would be cursed with eternal sadness.

Just then, there was a knock on the already open door. “Bean?” came a familiar voice.

Bianca turned around to find her best friend, Brianna Chambers, standing in the doorway of her room. Fresh tears filled her eyes at the sight of her.

“Oh, Bean,” Brianna cried, running across the room and enveloping Bianca in a tight hug. “Oh my God, Bean. I can’t believe it! I just can’t believe it!” Bianca could do nothing but sob, as she clutched on to Brianna. “Come on, Bianca, let’s sit down,” said Brianna, slowly guiding her over to the bed. They sat down, and Bianca furiously rubbed her eyes.

“I’m sorry,” she sniffed. “I didn’t want to break down like this again.”

“Bean, it’s okay!” cried Brianna. “You should be crying!”

“Well, good, cause that’s pretty much all I’ve done the past few days,” Bianca replied, swallowing hard.

The past few days. It was such a short amount of time. Bianca couldn’t believe that just a few days ago, AJ had been alive. She had been so happy. How could her life have taken such a drastic turn so suddenly?

“So how did you hear about it?” Bianca asked Brianna. “I tried to call you over and over again, but you were never home.”

“Yeah, I was in Alabama, visiting Nicole. You know, she’s living down there now. We heard about it on the news. I just got home a couple days ago and called your mom, and she said you were coming home right after the funeral. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you.”

“It’s not your fault,” said Bianca. “So how’s Nicole?” She wanted to change the subject, to have a normal conversation with Brianna, not talk about AJ and cry.

“What? Oh, she’s fine,” Brianna replied, looking at Bianca in concern. “But who cares about that? I’m worried about you, Bean. I can’t even imagine how this must feel.”

“Where’s Jason?” Bianca asked, ignoring Brianna’s comments, determined to stay off the subject of AJ and how she was handling his death.

“He’s at my parents’ house,” answered Brianna. Jason was her three-year-old son. “And Bean, please stop trying to change the subject. You should talk about this, you really should. I know how you keep stuff bottled up. It’s not healthy.”

“Stop trying to sound like a psychologist, Bree!” snapped Bianca. “I don’t want to talk about it, okay? It only makes it worse.”

“I’m sorry, Bean,” Brianna said sincerely. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s not your fault,” Bianca mumbled. “I’m sorry I snapped at you. I’m just… upset… right now. I… I don’t know…” She shook her head, blinking back tears, furious at herself for being so weak. Why couldn’t she stop crying? She was an emotional wreck. She was supposed to be strong, independent. Now she was like a little girl. A crying, sniffling little girl.

“Bianca, that’s totally understandable,” said Brianna, her voice filled with sympathy and understanding. “I know I don’t really know what you’re going through, but I’ve been through shit in my life too. You know that. I cried a lot too. You need to cry. Just let it out.”

Bianca realized Brianna had a point, for Brianna, too, had been through tough times. When she was a senior in high school, she had fallen in love with a wonderful man… or so she thought. But she got pregnant, and when he found out, he split. She had never heard from him since, and her son, Jason, had never known his father. Brianna had planned to go to college, to have a career, but all her plans had changed. She didn’t go to college. Instead, she worked minimum-wage jobs and accepted loans from her parents in order to support Jason. All her dreams were gone, and everything she did now, she did it for her son. She had lost someone she loved too, not by death, but by betrayal. So in a way, she had been through what Bianca was going through now.

“Thanks, Bree,” whispered Bianca, giving her friend a hug.

Brianna hugged her back. “No problem, girl.”

***

Chapter 11

A week later, Bianca was trying to get back to a normal life. Well, not normal really – she hadn’t had a normal life since before she started dating AJ – but as normal as possible, under the circumstances. She had stayed in North Carolina for a week following AJ’s funeral and had returned to Florida just a few days earlier. She was not sure whether she had made the right decision in deciding to stay in Florida – after all, there were so many memories of AJ there. But it was her home now - it had been for a few years - and she did not want to leave it. Besides, Howie and Nick both still lived there, and although they brought back painful memories of AJ, they were Bianca’s friends (well, Howie was anyway – Nick still didn’t seem to like her much), and she liked having them around.

She had returned to her job at Barnes and Noble and was working more hours than ever. She had found that the more she worked, the less she thought of AJ, so she tried to keep herself as busy as possible. It was hard though, spending all day in that store and seeing people she knew or people that knew her, knew who she was and whose girlfriend she had been. Luckily, no one had given her much grief so far, but everyone who knew who she was stared at her in sympathy, and that was almost worse. She didn’t like people staring at her all the time, feeling sorry for her. She actually had begun to miss the teenyboppers who used to either bombard her with questions about AJ, beg for a chance to meet him, or send her death threats.

Bianca was brought out of her thoughts by the sight of a familiar face coming towards her cash register.

“Good morning, Mr. Gunzenmeier,” she greeted the old man dully. It was hard to be cheerful and personable with the customers when her heart was broken and her life was shattered.

“’Morning,” Mr. Gunzenmeier grunted and set two hardbacks down on the counter. Bianca glanced at the titles as she rang them up. One was about Jack the Ripper, and the other was about medicine in the medieval times.

“Your total is $32.78,” she told him. He paid her in cash, as he always did, counting out exactly the right change, and she put his books into a bag and handed him his receipt. “Have a nice day.”

“You too, dearie,” Mr. Gunzenmeier replied and bared his snaggled, yellow teeth at her in what he considered a grin (though it looked more like a grimace). He left the store, and Bianca set about ringing up the next customer’s purchase.

***

AJ walked slowly through the aisles of Barnes and Noble. He had been there since early that morning, when Bianca had come to work, and had spent at least two hours sitting behind the counter and just watching her. He had grown bored of that after awhile though and decided to browse through the books, hoping to look up some information about ghosts – or whatever he had become. There was just one small problem though – his hands were useless. He was unable to touch or hold on to anything – his hands just went straight through things.

“I’ve got to figure this out,” he said aloud, knowing no one could hear him anyway. It had been over two weeks since his death, and he still had no idea what was happening to him, what he had become. He had spent most of his time roaming around and following Bianca. She didn’t know he was there, of course, but it brought him some comfort just to be near her.

AJ turned a corner and walked into the next aisle of bookshelves. It was deserted, except for a teenage girl sitting on the floor at the end of the aisle, her back against the shelves, her legs sticking out straight in front of her, an open book on her lap. She was busy reading it and did not look up. Not that she would anyway; she wouldn’t know he was there anymore than Bianca did. As he walked on down the aisle, AJ happened to glance down at the book she was reading and was surprised to find a large, glossy picture of himself on one of the pages. Glancing up at the sign on the shelves she was sitting by, he realized they were in the music section of the store. There was a whole shelf filled with Backstreet Boys books, many of which were on sale.

AJ rolled his eyes bitterly. “Nice way to capitalize on my death, put all our books on sale,” he muttered to himself.

“Don’t worry, I’m not buying any. Just looking up information,” the girl murmured without glancing up.

AJ stared down at her for a moment in shock. “What did you sa-“ he started, then stopped. She couldn’t have heard him, not when no one else could. Maybe she was just talking to herself. He slowly backed away.

The girl looked up… and at him. Directly at him.

AJ blinked in disbelief. “Y-you can see me!”

The girl gave him a strange look. “‘Course I can,” she replied. “Our kind can see each other; it’s just the mortals who can’t.”

AJ stared blankly at her. “Come again? What do you mean, ‘our kind’?”

The girl gaped at him as if he were a complete moron. “Well, I’m one of you; haven’t you figured that out yet?”

“One of me? And what exactly am I?”

She stared in disbelief for a moment, then rose to her feet and stood before him. “It’s been two weeks, and you haven’t figured it out yet?!”

“No…” He felt really stupid now.

She shook her head in exasperation. “Well, it’s obvious isn’t it? You’re an angel!”

***

Chapter 12

Now it was AJ’s turn to stare. “Huh? I’m a what?”

“An angel, dumbass!”

AJ looked down at himself, at the baggy jeans and gray hooded sweatshirt he was wearing, the same outfit he had been killed in (after all, he couldn’t use his hands, so how was he supposed to change clothes?). “Uh… where’s my white dress thing then? And my wings? And my halo?” He quickly reached up to the top of his head just to make sure, but there was nothing there.

The girl just looked at him for a moment. Then she burst out laughing. “Oh my God – gosh, I mean – are you really that stupid? You think real angels wear white robes and halos and flutter around with harps?”

AJ was sure that if he still could feel temperature, he would have felt his face getting hot just then. “Oh,” he said lamely.

“Man! And I thought Nick was supposed to be the stupid one!”

AJ frowned. “So you’re an angel too then?” he asked skeptically, not sure he believed this whole angel thing. After all, how could he, AJ McLean, become an angel?

“That’s right,” she said.

“Well, you’re not very nice for an angel.”

She got a guilty look on her face. “Yeah, I know. I’m kinda working on correcting my potty mouth.”

AJ just stared at her. “I don’t get this… does everyone who die become an angel?”

She laughed. “If every dead person got to be an angel, think how many of us there’d be running around! Nope, it’s only a small percentage.”

“Well, what happens to the rest?”

“They go straight to Heaven - no bothering around with missions.”

“Missions?”

“Yeah, missions. That’s the point of being an angel,” she said, talking to him as if she were teaching a class of first-graders. “You have to complete your mission on Earth before you can get to Heaven.”

“Well, what’s my mission?”

The girl rolled her eyes irritably at him. “How should I know?” she snapped.

AJ stared at her. “Well… I don’t either. How am I supposed to find out?”

“I don’t know. I don’t even know what my mission is yet! All I know is that to get where everyone else has gone, you have to complete it.”

“What happens if you never finish it?” AJ asked.

The girl shrugged. “I guess you never get to Heaven then.”

AJ frowned at that thought. What if never completed his mission? What if he never found out what he had to do? Was he going to be stuck on Earth like this for all eternity, some strange celestial being that no living person could see or hear?

The girl smiled slightly, reached out, and patted his shoulder. “Don’t worry,” she said. “Everyone finishes their mission at some point. Some just take longer than others. Me, I’ve been at it over a year.”

But AJ had barely heard a word she said. He was looking at her hand, which she had withdrawn from his shoulder, in amazement.

“What?” the girl asked suddenly, noticing him staring at her like that.

“You can touch me!” AJ said. “You’re solid!”

The girl laughed slightly. “I’m not any more solid than you are. Not naturally, anyway. We can touch each other ‘cause we’re made out of the same stuff.”

“Oh…” said AJ, glancing down, feeling rather dumb again. He should have realized that. “So… uh… what’s your name?”

“Oh, sorry, it’s Lindy,” she replied.

“Lindy?”

“Short for Melinda,” she added, making a face. “But no one calls me that; it’s always been Lindy.”

AJ nodded. “Well, my name’s-“

“I already know who you are,” Lindy interrupted him, nodding down at the open Backstreet Boys book.

“Oh,” said AJ sheepishly. “Right. So…” He trailed off, trying to think of something else to say. He really wanted to ask how she had died, but he didn’t want to be rude.

“So, I see how you’ve spent the two weeks since you kicked the bucket,” Lindy said. “Stalking that girlfriend of yours.”

AJ raised his eyebrows. “How do you know-“ he started, but she interrupted him again.

“First of all, when you’re dead and most people can’t see you, you do a lot of observing. You find out a lot of stuff. Secondly, you’re a freaking celebrity, everyone knows all about you and your social life anyway. So yeah, I know about Bianca, I know she works here, and I know you’ve been hanging around here all week too, watching her.”

Had she been hanging around Barnes and Noble all week too, just pretending to be another human who couldn’t see him? AJ didn’t remember seeing her there, but he had spent most of his time watching Bianca, just as Lindy had said. He most likely just hadn’t noticed her until now.

“So you’ve been hanging around here all week too then, watching me?” AJ asked her to confirm this.

Lindy shrugged. “Not much else to do. It’s kind of a boring sometimes, being an angel, especially when you don’t know your mission yet,” she said. “But no, I haven’t been watching you all week. I’ve done other stuff too.”

“Such as…?”

Lindy shrugged. “It’s a bookstore; what do you think?” She motioned at her book again.

AJ looked down at it too, then something dawned on him. “Wait a minute!” he cried, looking back at Lindy again. “How can you hold the book? How can you turn the pages?”

Lindy snickered. “I guess following that chick around was the only thing you could do for the past two weeks,” she said. “Since you hadn’t even figured out what you were until I told you, I’m sure you couldn’t have discovered how to use any of your powers.”

“Powers?” AJ brightened. “I have powers?”

“Sure,” she said. “For starters, you can-“

“Fly?” AJ asked hopefully.

Lindy gave him a patronizing look. “No, you can’t fly,” she said, rolling her eyes. “But there are ways of becoming partly solid, so you can touch things without passing through them.”

AJ’s eyes widened. “Really? How? Can you show me?”

Lindy yawned loudly. “Oh, I dunno, I’m pretty tired right now,” she said lazily.

“Please?” AJ begged. “Come on, Lindy, please?”

“Maybe another time. It takes up a lot of energy; you might not be ready.”

“I’m ready!” AJ insisted. “Come on, show me! Please!”

Lindy rolled her eyes, but the corners of her mouth twitched. She gave an exaggerated sigh and said, “Oh, alright. I guess I could spare some time to show you.”

AJ beamed at her. “Thank you!”

Lindy raised her eyes toward the ceiling. “Why do I always get stuck with the damn rookies?”

***

Chapter 13

“Okay, so how do I make myself solid?” AJ asked eagerly.

“Okay, first of all, you can’t just make your whole body solid. You’ll only be able to do small parts at a time, like your hands, to start out with. It takes up a lot of energy, and if you try to do too much, you’ll black out,” Lindy said.

“Black out? But I’m already dead! Why would I need all this energy; why can’t I just do it?”

Lindy shrugged. “I dunno. Guess it’d be too simple. Angels have to have energy, just like mortals. We can’t eat, so we can’t get that energy from food like we did when we were alive.”

“So where do we get it from?”

“The golden mist,” said Lindy.

AJ stared at her. “The golden mist,” he repeated. “What’s the golden mist?”

“Well… it’s sort of hard to describe. When you use up too much energy, the golden mist appears and sort of circles around you. Then everything around you fades as the golden mist envelopes you, and you black out and go into a deep sleep-like state. When you wake up, you’re re-energized.”

“Oh… so basically all we have to do is go to sleep to get energy?”

“Well… yeah, I guess…”

“You could’ve just said that then.”

Lindy gave him a look. “It’s not quite the same as mortal sleep,” she snapped. “Sometimes you’re out for days or even weeks at a time, depending on how low you are on energy. When you first start using your powers, you’ll run out of energy fast and go into the golden mist often. But as time goes by, you’ll have to re-energize less and less.”

AJ shrugged. “Whatever. Just show me how to make my hands solid.”

Lindy smiled exasperatedly. “You just don’t quit, do you?”

AJ grinned. “Nope.”

“Alright, fine,” said Lindy. “Hold out your hand and look at it. Focus on your fingertips. Stare just at your fingertips; ignore everything else around you. Stare at them and imagine they’re solid. Concentrate hard. Will them into being solid.”

Doubtfully, AJ held out his hand and looked at the ends of his fingers. Turn solid, he thought to himself. Come on, turn solid. But another voice in the back of his head was saying, This is stupid. This can’t work; this is stupid.

“You’re not concentrating,” Lindy said. “Come on, focus on them. Concentrate, AJ.”

AJ shut his eyes for a moment, then opened them again. He forced himself to look only at his fingertips. Shoving the skepticism from his mind, he imagined with all his might that his fingers were solid, that he was able to touch things without his fingers slipping through them. For a moment, nothing happened. But then, a strange sensation came to his fingertips. It was a burning, tingling feeling, an uncomfortable feeling. AJ began to grow light-headed. Suddenly, he retracted his hand, letting it fall limply at his side. The tingling feeling went away.

“What was that?” AJ demanded Lindy. “My fingers, they felt like they were going to fall off!”

“You broke your concentration! It was working!” Lindy cried. “Look, it’s always uncomfortable the first time, but it gets easier as you get used to it. It won’t require so much energy and concentration eventually. Try it again.”

AJ didn’t really want to experience that feeling again, but he did want to be able to touch things, like Lindy could. So, dutifully, he held out his hand again and concentrated as hard as he could on making his fingers solid. The tingling feeling came back, but AJ tried to ignore it and focus. He felt light-headed and weak, but he refused to back down. The tingling feeling grew more and more intense until finally, just when AJ thought he could stand it no more, it went away. His fingers felt… different, somehow. Denser, heavier.

Scarcely believing it had worked, AJ bent down and reached for the Backstreet Boys book Lindy had left lying on the floor. Gingerly, he stuck out his index finger and gave it a poke, expecting his finger to sink right through it as it had done with the elevator button. But to his surprise, his now-solid finger just bumped against the book and did not go through. He ran his finger across the page, feeling the smooth glossy paper against his fingertip.

“It worked!” he cried excitedly to Lindy. “I can touch it! I can feel it!”

Growing more ambitious, AJ took hold of the cover and slammed the book shut. Then he grabbed the book by its spine and lifted it up. He could feel the energy seeping out of him, but he was too happy to care. A whole world of possibilities had opened up to him now that he could use his hands.

“Good job,” said Lindy with a smile. “You better put that down and de-solidify your fingers now though. You’ve wasted too much energy.”

AJ did not want to de-solidify his fingers now. But he was still feeling light-headed and weaker than before, and he knew she was right. “How do I make them go back to how they were?” he asked.

“It’s kind of the same process. Just concentrate on making them go back to normal. It’s much easier than trying to solidify them.”

AJ nodded, holding out his hand again. Regrettably, he forced himself to imagine them how they were, non-solid and completely useless. He felt a very slight tingling again, but it was nothing compared to the first two times. Then, very quickly, the dense feeling in his fingers went away, as did his light-headedness, and he knew it had worked.

“So what else can I do?” he asked Lindy.

“Nothing right now,” Lindy replied. “You have to take a break, conserve some energy. We’ll move on to Lesson 2 later.”

***

“Have a good night, Bean!”

“Thanks, you too, Eddie,” Bianca said to one of her co-workers, as she slowly left the book store. Although she was tired from working all day, she wouldn’t have minded staying a couple more hours, until closing. It would be better than going home to her house, AJ’s house, the empty, lonely mansion she had once loved. She hated that house now. It had become hers when AJ died, but she didn’t want it. It was not the same without AJ in it. She was ready to put it up for sale and use the money to buy herself a more modest little house, a place that was right for a newly single woman to live alone.

Bianca climbed slowly into her car and turned on the ignition. With a sigh, she pulled out of the Barnes and Noble parking lot and turned onto the highway. But she did not head home. Instead, she turned onto one of the nearly-empty back roads and just drove, hardly paying attention to where her car was taking her.

Her attention was brought back to reality with a sudden bump and then a flapping sound. The car jerked to the right, and Bianca grabbed the wheel, struggling to keep it on the road. When she had control, she slowed down and pulled over to the side of the road. With a heavy sigh, she climbed out of the car, already knowing she had a flat tire. When she went around to the right side of the car, sure enough, the front wheel was already half-deflated.

“Great,” Bianca muttered to herself. She knew how to change a tire, but had no jack in the car with her. The road was deserted, and there were no gas stations in sight. She was going to have to call someone for help, something she hated to do. She was independent; she hated relying on other people for things.

“God damn tire,” Bianca cursed, giving the sagging tire a kick before she went back around to the driver’s side and climbed into the car. She shut her door and locked it, then retrieved her purse from the passenger seat and got her cell phone out. She turned it on and stared at the screen for a moment, unsure of who to call. If it had been a normal night, she would have just called AJ, and he would have come to get her. But it was not a normal night. AJ was dead, and nothing for her would ever be normal again.

Bianca went through the list of phone numbers she had entered in the cell phone’s memory and found the second-best person. “Please be home,” she whispered, putting the phone to her ear. While it rang, she squinted nervously out the windshield. She didn’t particularly like being stuck on the side of a dark, empty road at night by herself, especially when there was a serial killer on the loose.

“Hello,” a voice on the other line suddenly answered, causing Bianca to jump.

“Howie?” she said breathlessly.

“Yeah, who is this?”

“It’s Bianca,” she replied.

“Oh, hey, Bean, what’s up?” Howie asked kindly.

“I was on my way home from work, and I got a flat,” Bianca told him. “I don’t have a jack, and I’m on one of the back roads. No gas station or anything around. Do you think you could come pick me up?”

“Oh, sure!” said Howie. Bianca did her best to tell him where she was, and he promised to be there as soon as he could. They hung up, and Bianca settled back in her seat to wait.

***

Chapter 14

Bianca sighed with relief as she saw a pair of headlights approaching her car in the rearview mirror. When the car slowed down and pulled over behind her car, she immediately grabbed her purse and jumped out, locking her door behind her. She could barely see the parked car behind her, for its lights were still on, but she heard a car door open and then close and could just make out a figure coming toward her through the glare of the headlights.

“Oh, Howie, thanks so-“ she started to say, but stopped suddenly, as the headlights went off, and the figure became clear. It was not Howie. She gasped and jumped back in fright before recognizing the person.

“M-Mr. Gunzenmeier!” Bianca exclaimed in surprise to the old man standing in front of her. “Oh, I’m sorry, I thought you were someone else.”

“What are you doing way out here, dearie?” Mr. Gunzenmeier asked. “Got car trouble?”

“Yeah, I got a flat tire,” Bianca replied.

“You need a ride someplace?”

“No, I called a friend to come pick me up. He should be here soon. I thought you were him,” said Bianca.

“You sure? I don’t like leaving you out here alone. Awful dark… and there ain’t nobody around.”

“No, really, it’s okay,” said Bianca. “Howie’s on his way. He’ll be here any minute now.”

“Well… alright then,” Mr. Gunzenmeier said reluctantly. “Want me to wait with you until he gets here?”

Bianca smiled. “No, that’s okay,” she said. “I’ll be fine. Thank you though.”

Mr. Gunzenmeier shrugged. “Anytime.” He gave her a crooked smile and went back to his car. He climbed in, and with a flash, the headlights came back on, causing Bianca to squint and shield her eyes. She walked back to her own car, unlocked the door, and climbed back in, as Mr. Gunzenmeier pulled back onto the road and drove past her. As his car disappeared down the road, Bianca let out a shuddering breath.

“Please, Howie, get here soon,” she whispered. As if on cue, she looked into the rearview mirror to see another pair of headlights coming. She watched as they, too, slowed and pulled to the side of the road behind her. But she did not climb out of the car yet. She sat, waiting and watching as the lights shut off and the driver’s door opened. A person climbed out and started toward her car. Bianca watched, unable to make out his face in the darkness, but as he got closer, she saw that it was Howie and immediately grabbed her purse and got out of the car again.

“Bianca?” came Howie’s familiar voice.

“Howie!” Bianca cried in relief, checking that her car doors were locked and hurrying over to him. “Thanks so much for coming!”

“Oh, it’s no trouble, Bean,” Howie replied. Studying her face in the darkness, he asked, “Are you okay? You look kinda jumpy.”

Bianca let out a nervous laugh. “I’m fine. I was just getting kinda freaked out being all alone out here. And then Mr. Gunzenmeier showed up and scared the crap out of me.”

“Mr. Gunzenmeier? Wonder what he was doing out here.”

“I have no idea,” said Bianca with a shrug. “He offered to give me a ride. He’s sort of strange, but he’s a nice old guy.”

“Yeah,” Howie agreed. “Well, you ready to go home? We can call a tow truck to get your car when we get back to your house.”

“That would be great,” Bianca said gratefully, not wanting to stick around any longer. “Let’s go.”

The ride home was quiet. Both of them struggled to make small talk, but there were long periods of uncomfortable silence. Before AJ died, Bianca and Howie had gotten along great; they had always found things to talk about when they were together. But everything was different now.

“So, how are you doing?” Howie asked out of the blue, after another long silence.

Bianca looked over at him, taken back by his sudden question. “Well… I’m… okay, I guess…” she said slowly. “What about you? How are you doing?”

Howie shrugged. “I guess okay too.” He paused for a few moments, then added, “I miss him.”

Bianca nodded, unexpected tears rising in her eyes. “I miss him too,” she said softly. Then, hesitantly, she continued, “Every morning, when I wake up… I expect him to be there. I roll over in bed, expecting to see him lying there next to me… but he’s not.” She swallowed hard, trying not to cry. “And every night, I lie awake, just waiting for him to come to bed and kiss me goodnight. But he never does.”

Howie nodded wordlessly. “I know what you mean,” he said quietly. “Sometimes I pick up the phone and get halfway through dialing your phone number before I remember that he’s not there and that he’s never going to come home. And then… it’s like losing him all over again. He was my best friend for ten years. For a lot of the time, like while we were on tour, we saw each other almost 24/7. He and I were closer than brothers. He… he was the best friend I’ve ever had.” Howie fell silent, and although she couldn’t see his face well in the dark car, Bianca sensed he, too, was struggling to hold back tears.

She sniffled, blinking hard. “Is it going to always be like this for us, Howie? Are we going to miss him like this forever?” she asked.

“I lost my sister Caroline a few years ago,” Howie said, after a moment. “I still miss her, but it doesn’t hurt so much anymore to think about her. You’re always going to miss AJ, Bianca, but it will get better with time. You’ll move on, and you’ll let go of AJ and fall in love with someone else.”

“No, I won’t,” Bianca said quickly. “I’ll never be able to love someone like I loved AJ.”

“No, you won’t love anyone in the same way you loved AJ, but you’ll find someone someday that you love just as much as you loved him.”

Bianca shook her head stubbornly. “No, I could never fall in love with anyone again. Even if I did meet someone… it just wouldn’t be right.”

“You can’t go through the rest of your life thinking that, Bean,” Howie said, glancing at her. “You’re only twenty-two. You have so many years ahead of you. You can’t just give up on love for the rest of your life because of AJ. I mean, do you think that AJ would never want you to fall in love again? Do you think he would want you to be single the rest of your life and never get married?” Bianca was silent, and Howie continued, “Bean, AJ would want you to be happy, I’m sure he would. And someday, I’m sure you’re going to find a man who makes you happy, and that’s okay. You should be happy; you can’t grieve the rest of your life. Saying you’re never going to fall in love again is like me saying I’m never going to make another friend, just because my best friend died.”

“I guess you’re right,” Bianca said softly. “But right now, I can’t even begin to imagine falling in love with someone else. For me, there’s only AJ.”

Only AJ, her voice echoed inside her head, as she turned to face the window so Howie wouldn’t see the tears that had begun to run down her cheeks.

***

Chapter 15

“Thanks so much, Howie,” Bianca said again, as Howie drove around the large, circular drive, pulling to a stop right in front of the large house.

“No problem, Bean,” Howie replied.

Bianca opened the car door, which turned on the overhead light in the car, giving Howie a good look at her face and red-rimmed eyes. “Are you gonna be okay alone, Bianca, or do you want me to stay for awhile?” he asked in concern.

Bianca was about to retort that she was not a little girl and didn’t Howie to watch over her, but, glancing up at the dark mansion, she realized that having him stay would actually be quite nice. She got lonely in that big house all by herself, and when she got lonely, she started thinking about AJ, and she didn’t want to do that any more tonight. It was too painful.

“Well… I guess if you don’t mind…” Bianca started to say hesitantly, but Howie interrupted her.

“I don’t mind,” he said, smiling. “We gotta stick together through this, Bean. It makes it easier, don’t you think?”

“Yeah,” said Bianca truthfully. “Yeah, it really does.”

And so, Howie parked the car, shut off the ignition, and followed Bianca into the house.

***

“Nice place you got here,” Lindy said, looking up at AJ’s mansion.

‘Yup,” AJ said absently. He was looking at other things – Howie’s car, for example. What’s he doing here? he wondered, walking past the familiar purple Corvette and up to the house. He passed through the front door without opening it, Lindy following at his heels, and set off to find Bianca and Howie.

He found them in the theater room, watching “The Waterboy” on the big screen.

“Wow, looks like your chick’s really grieving for you, huh? Getting it on with your best friend and all,” Lindy commented wryly, peering over AJ’s shoulder at Bianca and Howie.

“Shut up,” AJ muttered. “They’re just hanging out together. They’re friends, that’s all.”

“Yeah, now, they are. Just wait. Now that you’re out of the picture, he’ll be moving in on her before you can-“

“I said shut up!” AJ hissed.

“My, my, defensive, aren’t we?” Lindy said in an annoying sing-song voice. “Just making an observation. You don’t have to bite my head off.”

Ignoring her, AJ walked into the room and sat down in the chair next to Bianca’s. While she watched the movie, he watched her. He was pleased to see a slight smile tugging on the corners of her mouth as she watched. He hadn’t seen her smile since… well, since he was alive. Subconsciously, she reached up and tucked a lock of her short, copper-colored hair behind her ear, then set her arm down on the armrest of her chair. AJ reached out and lay his hand on top of hers. Of course, it just slipped right through. He sighed sadly, knowing that if he made his hand solid, he would just freak her out by touching her. She wouldn’t know it was him.

I have to figure out how to get her attention, how to let her know I’m here, AJ thought. That was going to be hard, considering she couldn’t see or hear him. “Hey, maybe I can write her a note!” AJ said aloud, brightening.

“Nice try,” said a voice beside him. AJ jumped and turned to face Lindy, who had snuck into the seat on his other side.

“Don’t do that!” he exclaimed.

Lindy smirked. “There’s no way you’d be able to solidify your hand long enough to write anything,” she said. “You have to be patient, give it some time.”

“I don’t want to be patient!” AJ cried. Then he got another idea. “Hey! What about you? You have more experience – could you solidify your hand long enough to write her a note?”

Lindy shrugged. “Not now,” she said. “I need to rest up. Maybe another time.”

“When?” AJ persisted eagerly.

“I dunno,” replied Lindy, her tone lazy. “And who said I would do it anyway? I was just saying I could.”

“Lindy!”

She grinned devilishly. “Guess you’re going to have to be nice to me from now on, aren’t you? No more ‘I said shut up!’” She mocked his angry voice and laughed.

“Whatever,” AJ muttered, rolling his eyes. He didn’t appreciate being bossed around and taunted by a female, particularly one who was at least six years younger than him.

All of a sudden, laughter rang out, startling AJ. He turned to see Bianca and Howie both cracking up at whatever part it was in the movie. From his other side, Lindy, too, had begun to chuckle. “Yup, they’re really in mourning for you alright.”

AJ just glared at her.

***

The next night, Bianca had closing duty at the book store. Just weeks earlier, Bianca had hated closing, but these days, she looked forward to it. She liked to stay busy as much as possible, and being in the store with one other person late at night was better than being at home by herself. That night it was Eddie who would be closing with her. Out of all her co-workers, Bianca knew Eddie the best, so she liked when they worked the same shifts.

At ten-o’clock, when the store was supposed to be closed, Bianca left Eddie to man the counter and check out the few remaining customers, saying, “I’m going to go make sure there’s no one else in here.” She patrolled through the store, walking down each aisle and checking for stragglers, picking up fallen books when she came across them and putting them back in their rightful spots on the shelves.

She had no idea that she was being followed. But indeed, she was. AJ and Lindy tagged along behind her, Lindy complaining loudly.

“You are pathetic, you know that? Chasing her around like this? When are you going to move on?”

“Move on to what? What else have I got to do?” AJ retorted, glaring at Lindy for making him feel like some kind of obsessed stalker.

“Well, I don’t know, but jeez, you’re dead! You need to move on, and so does she. You can’t be with her anymore; just let her go,” said Lindy.

But AJ couldn’t let her go. He had never even gotten to say goodbye to her before he died, let alone tell her how much he loved her. And what if she found out what had happened between him and Krystle? She would always think he had betrayed her, and he would never get a chance to prove his love to her. He was determined to get in contact with her, to make his presence known.

“Lindy, will you please write her a note? Please? I know you can do it; you haven’t solidified yourself all day. Please?” AJ begged.

Lindy stared at him for a moment, her lips pursed. He had been on her all day about solidifying her fingers long enough to write a note to Bianca. She hesitated, then finally said, “Well… I guess if it will get you to stop bugging me…”

“Oh, thank you, Lindy!” AJ shouted happily, throwing his arms around her. Their bodies felt solid to one another and did not pass through each other. It felt surprisingly good to hug her, for AJ had not had physical contact with anyone else since his death. She was not the same as Bianca though…

Lindy pulled back, looking startled. She stood, stunned, for a moment, then regained her composure and said, “Alright, let’s get this over with.”

“Okay,” AJ said eagerly.

The two made their way to the front of the store, where Eddie was sliding a few paperbacks into a bag for the last customer. Quickly and artfully, Lindy materialized her hands and swiped a pad of paper and pen from the checkout station at the opposite end of the counter. She hurried away from the counter and to the back of the store, sinking down in a corner where a pen writing seemingly on its own would not be noticed. Holding the pen poised over the paper, Lindy looked at AJ and said, “Well?”

“Um…” AJ tried to think of how he should word the letter. He had been thinking about it constantly since the night before, for it was the only surefire way he could think of to get Bianca’s attention, but now that it was time to write it, he had no idea what to say. “Start it with ‘Dear Bianca,’ I guess.”

“Ooh, good one, Shakespeare,” muttered Lindy, quickly scribbling the words on the paper.

“Make it legible, please,” AJ said, frowning at her untidy scrawl.

Lindy narrowed her eyes at him. “Would you rather do it yourself?” she asked coolly, knowing full well he couldn’t.

“No,” AJ muttered, looking down.

“Okay then. What else?”

“Um… okay… how about, ‘I know this is going to sound unbelievable, but this-‘”

“Okay, hold it, hold it, let me get that,” said Lindy, writing quickly. “Okay, ‘but this’ what?”

“’But this is AJ’,” AJ continued dictating. “’I know you think I’m gone for good, but-‘”

“Hang on,” Lindy murmured, still writing. “Okay.”

“’But I’m not. I’m an angel, Bean. I-‘”

“Bean?”

“Her nickname,” said AJ.

“Who the hell came up with that?” Lindy asked.

“Well… I don’t really know. Her friends have always called her that. I just kinda picked up on it, I guess.” AJ shrugged.

“Whatever,” said Lindy, bending back over the paper. “Okay, what else?”

“’I know that sounds crazy, but it’s true’,” continued AJ. “’I’ve been trying to contact you for weeks.’”

“Hang on…. Okay.”

“’I just want to let you know that I love you, Bean, and I always will. I… I…” He wanted to say that he wanted her to move on and stop mourning for him, but he couldn’t get the words out. The thought of her falling in love with someone else and forgetting all about him, while he had to stay on Earth and watch it happen, was unbearable. So instead he said, “um… I guess just sign it then: ‘Love, AJ’.”

Lindy finished the note, scribbling his initials at the bottom, and quickly dropped the pen. “Phew,” she sighed, de-solidifying her hands. You owe me, dude.”

AJ broke into a wide grin. “I know. Thank you, Lindy,” he said genuinely. “You don’t know how much this means to me.”

Lindy smiled slightly. “No problem,” she said shortly. “So where should we leave it for her to find?”

“How about on one of the tables over in the café part. They always have to wipe those down before they leave; one of them will find it. Maybe you should fold it over and write her name on it, so Eddie won’t read it if he sees it first,” suggested AJ.

Lindy rolled her eyes, but obeyed, solidifying her hands long enough to hastily fold the paper and scrawl Bianca’s name across it. “Okay, let’s take it over there,” she said, grabbing the note and heading for the little coffee-shop area of the store. AJ tagged along behind her, excitement coursing through him. Lindy left the note lying on one of the tables, then de-solidified her hands again, grabbed AJ’s arm, and dragged him over to a corner to wait.

***

Chapter 16

“Hey, B, could you go clean off the tables in the café?” Eddie asked, when Bianca made her way back up to the check-out counter.

“Sure,” replied Bianca. She crossed the store to the café area on one side and went around the counter to find the cleaning supplies. She filled a small bucket with soapy water, found a clean rag, and walked back around the counter to start washing off the small round tables and chairs. Starting with the one closest to the counter, she set down the bucket and dipped her cloth in it. She wrung it out and made to start scrubbing the tabletop when she noticed a piece of paper lying on it. Setting down her rag, she looked at it closer and realized that it had her name on it. Surprised, she wiped her soapy fingers on her pants, picked up the paper, and unfolded it. On first glance, she realized it was a short letter written to her. Mystified, she sank down in one of the chairs to read it.

Dear Bianca,

I know this is going to sound unbelievable, but this is AJ. I know you think I’m gone for good, but I’m not. I’m an angel, Bean. I know that sounds crazy, but it’s true. I’ve been trying to contact you for weeks. I just want to let you know that I love you, Bean, and I always will.

Love,
AJ


Bianca gasped in shock and quickly read the note over again. Angry tears blurred her vision, and she got up so quickly the chair tipped back and fell over with a loud crash.

“You okay, Bean?” Eddie’s voice called.

“Eddie?” Bianca said loudly, her voice shrill. “Eddie, come here!”

“Bianca? What happened?” Eddie appeared in an instant, looking concerned. He looked from the tipped over chair to Bianca, standing there clutching the note, her eyes brimming. “Are you okay?”

“Did you do this?” Bianca demanded, waving the note.

“Do what?”

“This!” Bianca thrust the note at Eddie. Bewildered, he took it from her and quickly read it.

“Bean… “ he said slowly, looking back at the note in disbelief. “I… I didn’t write that. I would never write something like that.”

“Well, someone did!” Bianca cried. “Someone left it here on the table for me to find!”

“Well… you know, Bianca, a lot of people know who you are… and… and a lot of the younger girls around here know that you work here. Maybe someone wrote earlier today and left it for you as some kind of joke or something.”

“Well, ha ha, that’s just real damn funny,” Bianca snarled, crumpling up the note and hurling it across the room. “Jesus, what kind of sicko would write something like that! That’s just… that’s just…” She left the sentence hanging and sat down in another chair, folding her arms on the table and burying her face in them.

“I’m sorry,” Eddie said softly, hovering over her and gently rubbing her back.

“It’s not your fault,” Bianca sniffed, her voice muffled. She looked up, rubbing her face. “I dunno, I guess I’m overreacting anyway. It’s just a stupid note.”

“No, I understand. Some people are just really insensitive.”

“Yeah, tell me about it,” Bianca muttered glumly. She sighed and slowly rose to her feet. “Well… I guess I should get back to work.”

Eddie looked at her in sympathy. “If you wanna just go home now, B, you can,” he said. “I can finish up on my own.”

Bianca shook her head. “No,” she said, “I hate being home alone. I’ll help you finish.” With a determined nod, she picked up the fallen chair and her rag and started scrubbing.

***

AJ’s heart sunk as he watched Eddie walk away and Bianca start furiously scrubbing the table. His plan had backfired. Horribly. Not only did Bianca not believe the letter, but he had hurt her, he had upset her. He sighed and raked a hand through his hair.

“Well, that went over well,” Lindy said dryly. AJ just ignored her. He was in no mood for her sarcasm.

“What am I going to do now?” he murmured, to no one in particular.

Lindy took it upon herself to answer him. “I dunno.”

“Thanks, that was helpful,” AJ spat at her, rolling his eyes.

Lindy frowned. “Jeez, that’s the last time I do you a favor.”

“Sorry,” AJ muttered. “I just feel so… helpless, ya know?”

“Not really.”

AJ glared at her. “Well, of course you don’t. You’ve obviously never been in love before, so how could you?" he said roughly. “Why don’t you just go away and leave me alone? I need to think.”

Lindy stared at him for a moment. An odd expression flickered suddenly in her eyes. Was it hurt? AJ couldn’t tell, for it was gone as soon as it had appeared. “Whatever,” she muttered, with a careless shrug of the shoulders. “Later.” And then she left, walking through the nearest wall and vanishing from sight.

AJ sunk down to the floor, feeling worse than ever. Now that he was alone again, he realized he really hadn’t wanted Lindy to go away. It was lonely without her around. She wasn’t exactly the nicest person, but no one else could see or hear him, so she was better than nothing. He wondered if she would come back.

Probably not, after how rude I was to her, AJ thought. But then again, he added internally, maybe she’s like I am – so desperate for someone to hang out with that even I look good.

He nodded with confidence. She would be back.

***

Chapter 17

When Bianca left Barnes and Noble that evening, AJ followed, slipping through the car door into the passenger seat. He had discovered that he didn’t really need to use human means of transportation to get around anymore; if he concentrated hard enough on a certain place, he could just go there, like teleportation. But tonight he chose to ride in the car with Bianca. Even if she did not know he was there, AJ always felt best when he was with her.

Bianca pulled out of her parking space, drove through the parking lot, and turned onto the highway. As she drove, AJ watched her. She looked straight ahead, her eyes on the road, her face blank and emotionless. She did not turn on the radio, as she had always done in the past, but drove in silence.

When she pulled the car into the massive garage of AJ’s house and climbed out, AJ got out with her and followed her into the house. Bianca kicked off her shoes and dropped her purse at the door, then went straight upstairs to her bedroom. She sat down on her bed and stared into space for a few minutes. Then she rose, stood there a moment, and then left the room. Again, AJ followed. They went downstairs to the rec room, where there was a big screen TV and a large stereo, among other things. Bianca turned on the stereo and chose a CD from the enormous collection. Peering over her shoulder, AJ saw that it was a LeAnn Rimes CD. AJ wrinkled his nose; he had never been much of a country fan. She chose a track and hit play. As the song started, AJ recognized it as “How Do I Live”, one of the few LeAnn Rimes songs he knew well.

How do I
Get through a night without you
If I had to live without you
What kind of life would that be

Oh, I
I need you in my arms
Need you to hold
You’re my world, my heart , my soul

As the song played, Bianca slumped down on the large couch. AJ came over and sat down beside her. On closer inspection, he saw that she had begun to cry.

If you ever leave
Baby, you would take away everything
Good in my life
And tell me now

How do I live without you
I want to know
How do I breathe without you
If you ever go
How do I ever
Ever survive
How do I
How do I
Oh, how do I live

“Bianca,” he whispered, watching her sadly. “Please don’t cry, Bean. Please…” But she cried anyway, her shoulders shaking with silent tears.

Without you
There’d be no sun in my sky
There would be no love in my life
There’d be no world left for me

And I
Baby, I don’t know what I would do
I’d be lost if I lost you

AJ had only seen Bianca cry once or twice before this. The Bianca he had known was either too strong or too stubborn to cry. But this Bianca was much different. This Bianca was an utter wreck, sobbing quietly, yet endlessly, on the couch. And it was him she was sobbing for. It was him that had made her this way.

If you ever leave
Baby, you would take away everything
Real in my life
And tell me now

How do I live without you
I want to know
How do I breathe without you
If you ever go
How do I ever
Ever survive
How do I
How do I
Oh, how do I live

“Why, AJ?” Bianca whispered softly, rubbing her eyes, as the song faded. “Why did you have to leave me?”

“I haven’t left you!” AJ cried from beside her. “I’m still here with you, Bean! If only you could know that.”

But she couldn’t. Bianca was falling apart. And AJ could do nothing but sit by and watch.

***

“… And in other news, the search continues for twenty-three-year-old Becky Cooper, who disappeared from her residence near Orlando, Florida three days ago. She was last seen by her boyfriend, Kurtis Mitchell, around eleven pm on the night of December 10 and was reported missing the next day. As of now, the police have no leads and are asking anyone who might have any information on Becky’s whereabouts to call-“

It was the following evening, and Bianca was watching the five o’clock news when her attention was suddenly drawn away from the report by the sound of the phone ringing. Pressing the mute button on the TV remote, she picked up the phone and checked the caller ID. Seeing that it was Howie, she quickly turned on the phone and pressed it to her ear.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Bianca, it’s Howie,” came Howie’s voice on the other line.

“Hey, Howie,” Bianca replied. “What’s up?”

“Not too much. I was just wondering… uh… Krystle and I were gonna go out to dinner tomorrow night, and we thought maybe you would want to come with us.”

“Come with you?” Bianca asked in surprise. “Why would I want to come with you and Krystle on a date? No offense or anything, but…” She trailed off, figuring he got the point, confused as to why he would ask her something like that. Did he really think she was so pathetically lonely that she would enjoy being the third wheel on one of their dates?

“No, no, it’s not like that,” Howie assured her quickly. “It wouldn’t be like a date, just like a… well, I dunno, a friend thing. You know, we haven’t hung out together in a long time. Not since… well, you know…” Bianca knew. She, AJ, Howie, and Krystle had often done things together. But AJ was not around to do things anymore. “… and,” Howie continued, “Nick will be there.”

“Nick? Oh, come on, Howie, don’t tell me you’re going to try to fix me up with Nick!” Bianca cried.

“No!” Howie said. “No, not at all! Krys and I just thought it would be nice for… for the four of us to get together. You know, just to talk and hang out and stuff. Nick… Nick’s taking AJ’s death pretty hard too, you know. It might do us good to get together, all of us. Well, except Brian and Kevin, of course, since they don’t live here, but.”

“Okay,” Bianca said, to cut off Howie’s rambling. “Yeah, I guess it would be nice to see Nick and Krystle again.” It was a lie; she really didn’t want to see Krystle or Nick, but she could tell Howie really wanted the four of them to get together, so she accepted.

“Great!” said Howie. They made dinner plans for the following night and hung up.

***

The next night, Bianca reluctantly got up as Howie’s SUV pulled up in front of the house. She pasted a smile on her face as she left the house and got into the backseat beside Nick.

“Hey, guys,” she said in what she hoped was a cheerful voice.

“Hey, Bianca,” Howie, Krystle, and Nick all chorused in reply, but Howie was the only one who actually sounded glad to see her.

“So how are you doing, Bianca?” Krystle asked after a few minutes of uncomfortable silence. Her voice was filled with concern, but Bianca could not tell if it was fake or not.

“Okay,” Bianca replied. “Some days are better than others.”

“Oh, you poor thing. Well, Howie and I are here for you. If there’s ever anything you need, anything at all, just let us know,” Krystle went on sympathetically. “Right, Howie?”

“Right,” Howie agreed.

Bianca smiled. “Thanks.” She glanced over at Nick and found him looking back at her. As their eyes met, both of them looked away, Nick suddenly becoming very interested in the scenery outside his window. “So… uh… Nick,” Bianca said after a moment. “How are you doing? I haven’t talked to you in awhile.”

“I know,” Nick said, glancing quickly at her, then at his lap. “I’m… all right, I guess.” He left it at that, and Bianca did not press him for more. Despite their differences, she understood him perfectly right then. At least she thought she did.

***

Chapter 18

That night, shortly after Bianca arrived home, the phone rang. She checked the caller ID and smiled when she saw her best friend Brianna Chambers’ name. “Hello?” she said, answering the phone.

“Hey, girl!” came Brianna’s perky voice. “What’s up?”

“Not much; just got home from dinner.”

“Who’d you go to dinner with?” Brianna asked curiously.

On the other end, Bianca rolled her eyes. “Just Howie and Krystle and Nick,” she said. “It was nothing, Bree, and you know it.”

“Hm… Nick, eh?” Brianna asked teasingly. “So it was Howie and Krystle… the couple. And Nick… and you…?”

“Yes, but just as friends,” Bianca told her sternly. “I don’t like Nick like that, and he definitely doesn’t like me like that either. I’m not sure he even likes me as a friend, but that’s a whole nother matter.”

“Aw, Bean, don’t worry about it. I’m sure it’s not that he doesn’t like you. He’s probably just shy or something. Or who knows – maybe he has a crush.”

“I’m not worried about it. I could care less what Nick thinks of me, and even if he did have a crush – which he doesn’t; he can’t stand me – I wouldn’t go out with him,” Bianca replied stubbornly.

“Well, when are you going to start going out with people?” Brianna asked.

“Brianna! It’s been three weeks!” Bianca cried. “How could you honestly think I’d even consider going out with other people?! It’s way too soon! I’m not even close to being ready for another relationship! In fact, I don’t think I’ll ever be ready!”

“Sheesh, don’t bite my head off, okay? I didn’t mean it like that… although you can’t just dwell on this forever, you know.”

“I love AJ. And I miss him. And it’s killing me, Bree. I think about him all the time… and I hurt all the time. And it hasn’t gotten any better since it happened. It’s gotten worse actually,” said Bianca. “See, that first week after it happened… I was numb. Completely numb. But now the numbness has worn off, and the pain has set in. And it’s horrible. Not like you would understand. But it is.” Her voice was thick, and she could feel tears stinging her eyes yet again. She swiped at them, furious at herself for crying again and furious at Brianna for causing her to get upset. It wasn’t really Brianna’s fault though; she cried at the drop of a hat nowadays.

“I… I’m really sorry, Bianca,” Brianna said meekly. “I didn’t mean to make you upset.”

“It’s okay,” Bianca sighed. “Everything makes me upset. But forget it, let’s change the subject, okay?”

“Okay…” said Brianna hesitantly. “Well… the reason I called is Christmas. You’re coming home, aren’t you?”

Christmas! Bianca has nearly forgotten that the holiday was in less than two weeks. She wasn’t exactly sure how she could forget when all the streets and stores were all decked out, and the TV was jammed with holiday specials, but this year, the Christmas season brought her no joy. It would mark her first Christmas without AJ, and while everyone else was bursting with holiday cheer, she was in misery.

“Yeah,” Bianca said dully. Her parents had called the week before asking that same question, and she had dutifully promised to drive back to North Carolina to spend Christmas with her family.

“Well, how long are you staying? Past New Year’s?” Brianna asked hopefully.

“Yeah, I could. Why?” Bianca asked, inwardly groaning. It sounded like Brianna had some party planned, and the last thing Bianca felt like doing was partying.

“Because – the whole gang’s coming for New Year’s! Nicole, Louise, Hayley, Liz… they’re all coming home!” Brianna announced excitedly.

Bianca smiled nostalgically at the thought of their old high school circle of friends, who had scattered throughout the country like dust in the wind – Bianca in Florida, Nicole in Alabama, Louise in Connecticut, Liz in Illinois, and Hayley in California. Only Brianna was left in North Carolina, where they had all grown up together.

“Oh… that’s great!” Bianca said, trying to sound as excited as Brianna. In truth, although the prospect of seeing her old friends was nice, she didn’t much feel like socializing.

“We’re gonna all get together and do something for New Year’s, just like we used to,” Brianna went on. “It’ll be a blast!”

“Yeah, that’ll be fun,” said Bianca with enthusiasm she did not feel.

“Okay, so you’re in? Awesome!” Brianna gushed, without waiting for an answer. “Well, I better go now, it’s time for Jason’s bath. Talk to you later, okay?”

“Okay,” said Bianca. “Bye, Bree.”

”Bye, Bean,” replied Brianna, and there was a click as she hung up on the other line. Bianca hung up as well and put the phone back in its cradle, wishing she could share Brianna’s excitement.

***

Three days before Christmas Eve, Bianca decided it was high time to brave the crowded stores and get her Christmas shopping done. She would be leaving for North Carolina in two days and wanted to at least get presents for Howie, Eddie, and the other friends she had in Orlando before she left. She could always finish up shopping for her family and her friends who would be coming home for New Year’s when she got to North Carolina.

Traffic was bad. It seemed everyone was out that day doing some last minute shopping. Impatiently waiting at the end of a long line of unmoving cars, Bianca turned on the radio. As a cheesy ‘N Sync Christmas song came to an end, a news brief came on. And of course, even during the holiday season, it was bad news.

“The body of twenty-three-year-old Becky Cooper was recovered early yesterday morning from Winnopega Lake, just a few miles from her home. Cooper disappeared eleven days ago from her home outside Orlando, Florida. Following an autopsy done on her body last night, police have revealed that her death looks to be the work of the serial killer known as ‘The Smiley Face Killer’, who murders males and females in their late teens and early twenties and leaves his mark on them, a smile face carved into their abdomens. The FBI has joined Florida police to find this killer and are asking that if anyone has any information, they should call the toll-free hotline at 1-800-764-5437. As you may remember, the Smiley Face Killer’s last victim was twenty-three-year-old Backstreet Boys member AJ McLean, who was murd-“

With an infuriated groan, Bianca crammed a CD into her car stereo and quickly turned the radio off. The CD began to play. It was her “Platinum Christmas” CD, which she had purchased the year before only for the Backstreet Boys song on it, “Christmas Time”. By habit, she went quickly past the Britney Spears and ‘N Sync tracks to track eleven. The sound of jingle bells and Brian’s heavenly voice filled her car and allowed her to take a deep breath and keep her composure. But when AJ’s solo came up, tears welled in her eyes, and she knew she had made a mistake. She quickly switched to the next track, but tuned it out, the lyrics to “Christmas Time” still running through her head.

Do you remember
Everything felt so right
When I held you close to me

Do you remember
Those cold Christmas nights
When we saw the world in harmony

Yes, I remember, Bianca thought sadly, thinking of the previous Christmas, when AJ and his mother had stayed with her family in North Carolina over the holidays. Everything had felt so right then, and AJ had held her close under the Christmas tree, and it did seem like the world was in harmony. Christmas had a way of making you forget your problems. But not this year. This year, her boyfriend was dead, and there was no way Bianca was going to forget it.

***

Chapter 19

“So, Lindy,” said AJ that afternoon, as he and Lindy strolled through the crowded mall, passing right through the herds of bustling shoppers, “anything special happen to us angels on Christmas?”

“Such as…?” Lindy asked vaguely, gazing into the windows of the stores they passed.

“Well, I dunno… I was just thinking that since angels are such a big part of Christmas, something special might happen to us.” The thought, which had sounded sensible in his head, seemed stupid now that the words were out of his mouth.

Lindy drew her attention away from her window-shopping long enough to roll her eyes at him. “No, dumbshit, nothing special happens to us at Christmas. Christmas is all about the birth of Christ, moron, not about angels.”

“I know,” AJ muttered. “I was just wondering…” He trailed off, leaving it at that. He followed Lindy’s example and turned his attention to the store windows, deciding to just shut his mouth. He always ended up feeling very stupid when he talked to Lindy.

Suddenly, as they passed one of the jewelry stores, something in the window caught AJ’s eye. “Wait,” he said, grabbing Lindy’s elbow and dragging her closer to the window. “Look,” he breathed, pointing past all the fancy diamond rings and sparkling bracelets to a gold necklace lying in an open box on a velvet cushion off to one side of the display. It had a thin, delicate chain and just one pendant hanging from it, a little golden angel with a halo and wings encrusted with tiny glittering diamonds. It was simple, but beautiful, and AJ was drawn to it. “I want to get that for Bianca,” he said.

Lindy stared at him in repugnance. “Uh, hello, AJ, you’re forgetting one thing,” she said. “You’re dead ! You don’t buy Christmas presents for people when you’re dead!”

“I want her to have it,” he said stubbornly. “Maybe it would make her understand what I am, what I’ve become. It would show her that I’m still here with her and that I still love her.”

“Oh brother,” Lindy said with an exasperated roll of the eyes. “You are pathetic, you know that? Just pathetic.”

AJ rolled his eyes back at her. When he turned back to the necklace, he was startled to see a man reaching into the window display from inside the store. He watched in horror as the man took the necklace from the display and disappear back into the store. Without a second thought, AJ hurried in, Lindy reluctantly following him, muttering about how utterly pathetic he was acting.

“Oh no!” AJ said, as he watched the salesperson holding the necklace box out to a woman, who bent over it, inspecting the necklace.

“Would you like to try it on?” he heard the salesperson ask the woman.

“Yes,” said the woman. The man led her over to one of the counters, where there was a mirror, and fastened the necklace around her neck. She leaned against the counter, studying her refection in the mirror and gently fingering the necklace, the salesperson standing watchfully behind her.

“Lindy, what am I going to do?” AJ moaned. “That necklace would be perfect for Bianca, and that lady’s probably going to buy it!”

“What a pity,” Lindy said unsympathetically.

AJ sighed. “Thanks,” he muttered sarcastically.

Lindy rolled her eyes. “Well, you can’t just stand there and let her buy it if you want it so bad,” she said. “You gotta take action.”

“What kind of action?” AJ asked, puzzled.

“Watch the pro.” AJ obeyed, watching as Lindy stood still for a moment, holding one hand out in front of her. Then she crossed to the room where the woman and salesman were standing, bent over, and pinched the woman’s rear. The woman let out a shriek and spun around, her eyes flashing angrily at the salesman.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?!” she screamed.

“E-excuse me? What are you talking about, ma’am?” the bewildered man asked.

“Here, take your necklace! You’ve just lost a customer,” spat the woman, quickly unfastening the necklace and roughly shoving it into the salesperson’s hand.

“Wait, ma’am, I don’t understand! What’s wrong?” the man cried, chasing after the woman as she stormed out of the store.

“Stay away from me, or you’ll be facing a sexual harassment lawsuit!” she hissed, hurrying away and disappearing within the crowds of people walking the mall.

“Lindy! That was awesome!” AJ exclaimed, impressed. “You rock, girl, thanks!”

“Whatever,” Lindy said with a wave of her hand, but AJ could tell she was quite pleased with herself.

“Now there’s only one problem,” AJ said. “How am I supposed to buy that necklace?” It wasn’t like he could just walk up to the salesman with his credit card and purchase the necklace, not when he was invisible and could barely use his hand. No, it seemed the only way to get the necklace was to… steal it.

How hypocritical would that be? AJ thought. An angel shoplifting from a jewelry store?

But then again, it was for a good cause…

***

“I can’t believe we’re doing this!” Lindy hissed, as she and AJ passed through the walls of the jewelry store late that night. The store, like the rest of the mall, was dark and deserted, for it was hours past closing.

“It’s not really stealing,” AJ insisted. “We’re leaving money behind to pay for it. You’ve still got the money, right?”

Lindy rolled her eyes and held up a fistful of bills, which they had recovered from the secret supply of cash AJ had always kept hidden in his house, just in case. And now, AJ thought, it’s finally come in handy.

“Good,” he said. “Okay, take the necklace from the display and just leave it all there on the cushion so the owner will know what it’s for.”

“You are completely insane, aren’t you?” Lindy said in disgust. “Do you really see nothing wrong with doing this?”

“Of course not. I’m not saying it’s exactly right, but we are paying for it, and how else to you expect me to buy it?” AJ shot back.

“You don’t buy it! That’s just it. Whether you like it or not, you’re dead, and dead boyfriends don’t go buying their girlfriends Christmas presents. It’s not like Bianca will believe it’s from you anyway. She’s going to think it’s some twisted joke again.”

AJ was afraid of that, but he had to try. He just had to get in contact with her sometime. He had to make her believe.

“Well, whether you like it or not, I’m buying this necklace. So get the necklace, put down the money, and let’s go,” said AJ firmly.

“Fine,” muttered Lindy, reluctantly exchanging the necklace for the wad of bills. She closed the open jewelry box over the necklace and handed it to AJ. “There you go. Happy now?”

‘Yes,” said AJ with a grin. “Thank you, Lindy.”

“Whatever. Let’s blow this joint,” said Lindy, turning on her heel and stalking out through the wall, AJ happily tagging after her.

***

Chapter 20

A lump rose in Bianca’s throat as she pulled into the driveway of her childhood home in North Carolina two nights later. The house was ablaze with twinkling white Christmas lights, and a big wreath with a red bow hung on the front door. Bianca could just make out the faint glow of the Christmas tree through the curtains in the front window. She remembered how she had helped her mother decorate the house for Christmas every year. This year, she had decorated nothing, not even at her home in Florida. She had not even bothered to set up AJ’s massive artificial tree in the living room. The house was barren and cheerless, just as her soul was.

“Bianca!” a voice called from the front porch. Bianca smiled and waved to her father as she quickly cut through the lawn and went to meet him.

“Hi, Daddy,” she said, letting him pull her into his arms for a hug.

“Merry Christmas, honey,” her father said, slowly releasing her. “Here, let me take that.” He took her bulging suitcase and lugged it into the house, Bianca following.

The inside of the Parker house was just as bright and jolly as the outside. The Christmas tree was set up in front of the window in the living room, glowing warmly with colored lights, presents stacked underneath. Stockings were hung on the mantel, and a mistletoe swayed in the doorway leading to the dining room.

Bianca’s mother came bustling in from the kitchen as Bianca and her father walked in. “Hi, sweetie!” she cried, rushing over to give her daughter a hug. “Oh, I’m so glad to see you! Was the drive up here okay?”

“It was fine,” Bianca said, sitting down on the couch with her mother while her father carried her suitcase upstairs.

“That’s good. So… how are things?”

Bianca knew ‘things’ meant her emotional state. It meant was she still depressed, still in mourning, still not over her loss? Well, of course she was, but Bianca did not tell her mother that. Instead she forced a smile and said, “Fine.”

Her mother looked at her sadly. “Are you sure?” she asked. “Sweetie, I don’t mean to pry, but… well… you don’t look fine. You’ve lost weight, and you just look pale and run down and…”

“Mom, it’s winter, of course I’m pale.”

“Bianca, you live in Florida. You should be getting some sun, unless you spend all day shut indoors.”

Bianca choose to ignore this and continued, “And I’ve been working a lot of hours lately, so yeah, I’m a little tired.”

“Which also isn’t good. You need to do more things with your friends, not work all the time.”

“And if I’ve lost weight, I haven’t noticed. Maybe it’s just cause I’ve been eating healthier.”

“Or not eating at all.” Her mother frowned, and Bianca glared back.

“Mom, please. Let’s just change the subject, okay?” she said in exasperation.

“Sweetie, I’m just worried about you, that’s all!”

“We both are,” Bianca’s father added, coming back into the room. He had obviously overheard the last part of their conversation. “You’ve been through a horrible tragedy, and we’re not sure you’re over it yet.”

“Of course I’m not,” Bianca said, fighting the urge to shout this at her parents. “But I will be. I just need more time.”

“We understand, honey,” her father said patiently. “We just wanted to make sure you were doing okay.”

Well, I am, so back off, Bianca thought, but she just smiled and said, “Thanks, Daddy.” She knew she should not be annoyed with her parents; they were just trying to help. She knew they loved her and were concerned about her, and she felt somewhat guilty for distancing herself from them, but she couldn’t help it. She felt apart from everyone these days.

“Well,” said Bianca’s father, clapping his hands together. “Let’s talk about something… happier. It is Christmas, right? The one time of year we can forget all our problems.”

Bianca smiled tightly. If only that was possible.

***

“Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. The stockings were hung by the chimney with care, in hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.”

“Lindy, could you please stop that?” AJ asked in annoyance. “I’m trying to concentrate here.” He stared down at his fingers, willing them to solidify. He had improved greatly with that, but it still took a lot of energy and concentration, and Lindy reciting “The Night Before Christmas” as she bounced around Bianca’s living room was only making it harder.

“The children were nestled all snug in their beds… all snug in their beds… and… what comes next?”

“I dunno, something about sugar plums in their heads, ain’t it?” AJ muttered, breaking his concentration and sighing as he started over again.

“Yeah, that’s it! While visions of sugar plums danced in their heads… right?”

“Whatever.”

“Aw, Aje, where’s your Christmas spirit?” Lindy whined.

“This year, I am a Christmas spirit,” said AJ, glaring at his fingers.

“Haha, good one,” Lindy remarked.

AJ tore his gaze away from his hand and smirked at her. “Thanks… now shut up please.” He looked back down at his fingers and quickly tried to solidify them before Lindy could open her mouth again. Finally, he succeeded and picked up a small box wrapped in shiny, gold paper. He carried the box over to the Christmas tree, which was turned off for the night. Kneeling down, he rummaged one-handed through the presents piled underneath it, clearing a path to the very center of the tree. There he placed the tiny box, burying it beneath the other presents. He smiled in satisfaction and backed away, letting his hand dissolve to uselessness again.

Please, Bean, he thought, gazing up at the winged angel perched atop the dark tree. Please understand this time. Please.

***

The next morning, Christmas morning, Bianca awoke early. Even though she was twenty-three years old now and had given up Santa Claus and all that “little kid” stuff ages ago, she couldn’t help but feel excited. But alongside her festive cheer was a feeling of melancholy; this was something she experienced nearly every morning when she woke up, every time she realized that AJ was no longer with her. But it was getting easier and easier with each passing day to push the melancholy aside and try to get on with her day. That morning, Bianca refused to dwell on AJ. It was Christmas; it was supposed to be a day of happiness, and she felt she owed it to her family to be happy (or at least pretend to be). She could tell her depression was getting them down, and she didn’t want that to happen. So she put a smile on her face, slid on a pair of slippers over her bare feet, and tip-toed down the stairs in her pajamas, wondering if her parents were up yet.

She found them in the kitchen sipping coffee. “Merry Christmas!” her father called jovially as Bianca entered the room.

“Merry Christmas, Daddy,” Bianca replied.

“Want a cup of coffee?” her mother offered, holding up the pot.

“Sure, Mama,” answered Bianca, adding, “Merry Christmas.”

“You too, sweetheart,” her mother said, pouring coffee into a Christmas mug and handing it to her daughter. “We’ll go open presents in a few minutes if you want.”

“Well, of course. It’s a tradition, isn’t it?” Bianca said with a smile.

Her mother smiled back. The three of them finished their coffee and then went into the living room to tackle the mound of presents under the Christmas tree.

“You pass them out, Bianca,” said Bianca’s father, as he and her mother sat down on the couch.

“Okay,” Bianca replied, getting down on her knees to pull out a few of the presents. She read the labels on top and passed them out to their respective receivers. When all the presents were out from under the three, each member of the Parker family had a small heap of presents at their feet. They took turns opening them, one present at a time, until finally, the living room was covered in wrapping paper, tissue paper, and boxes.

Bianca sighed happily, looking around the room and remembering all her previous Christmases. She thought back to last Christmas. She had been home in North Carolina then too and had opened presents in this very room with her parents, like always. In that respect, it seemed nothing had changed. But there was one thing that had. The previous Christmas, glad as she was to be home, Bianca also couldn’t wait to get back to Florida, back to AJ. Their relationship was very new at this time last year and still in that fresh, exciting state. It was the first time she had been apart from AJ for more than a few days, and all she could think about was being with him again. Now, a year later, she and AJ were parted again. But this time, it was forever.

Why do I keep doing this to myself? Bianca wondered, swallowing the lump that had lodged itself in her throat. I have to get over this; I have to let him go. Thinking about him all the time isn’t going to help anything.

Luckily, she was distracted from her thoughts of AJ by her father saying, “Hey, Bianca, what’s that under the tree? Did you forget a present?”

Bianca, who had been sitting on the floor facing her parents, turned around to the tree behind her. Peering under it, she saw something shiny-ish half buried in the tree skirt. Lying on her stomach, she reached in under the tree and emerged with a small, gold-wrapped box in her hand.

“Guess I did miss one,” she said with a grin, glancing down at the package. There was a small label on it, different from the kind used on all the rest of the presents her parents had given her. Her name was written on it in shaky, hard-to-read handwriting. The writing looked familiar to her, but she could not place it. She only knew that it was not in her mother’s or father’s hand.

“Who is this from?” she asked, looking up at her parents, who were exchanging puzzled glances.

“Well, I don’t know. I didn’t put it there, did you?” her mother asked her father.

“No… are you sure you didn’t?”

“No, I didn’t. I’ve never seen it before. I didn’t know it was there,” replied Bianca’s motrher.

“That’s weird,” said Bianca. “Oh well, maybe it’ll say who it’s from inside.” She carefully tore off the gold wrapping paper to reveal a small, white box. She lifted the lid to find a black velvet jewelry box. Mystified, she glanced up at her parents again. Both of them were watching her curiously. Shrugging, she slowly opened the jewelry box. Inside there lay a beautiful gold necklace. Leaning close to it, she saw that on the dainty gold chain was a pretty little golden angel charm with tiny diamonds imbedded in its halo and wings.

“Oooh, Mama, look,” Bianca breathed, walking on her knees over to her mother with the box in one hand. She handed it to her mother. “Isn’t it pretty?”

“Well, it’s beautiful, sweetheart,” said her mother, “But how did it get here?”

“You really don’t know?” Bianca asked.

“No. Like I said, I’ve never seen it before.”

“Hm, Santa must’ve left it,” Bianca said teasingly. But inside, she was a bit unnerved. Where did the necklace come from? Her parents wouldn’t lie to her; they obviously really had no idea how it had gotten under their tree. But if they didn’t put it there, who did?

***

Chapter 21

“Bianca, is there a card or anything inside?” Bianca’s father asked, frowning in perplexity as he watched Bianca carefully fasten the necklace around her neck.

“No…” said Bianca, picking up the white box the jewelry box had been in and double-checking inside. “Wait.” She picked up the black jewelry box and lifted the velvet-wrapped piece of cardboard the necklace had been mounted to. Underneath it was a white piece of paper. She pulled it out and unfolded it to find a message addressed to her. “There is something,” she said slowly, trying to read it. The writing was the same shaky, hardly legible script that had been on the nametag. But after staring at it for a moment, she was able to make out what it said.

Dear Bianca,

This is not a joke. I know that’s what you think, but I promise you, it’s not. I can’t explain why or how, but I’m not really gone, Bean. I’m an angel. I’m still here, watching over you. You have to believe me, baby. I know it sounds unbelievable, but you have to believe. I love you.

Yours forever,
AJ

Bianca shook her head, tears rising in her eyes. She didn’t know what to believe. Someone was messing with her mind; they had to be! This couldn’t be true. Angels… angels were just characters in the Bible, in the Christmas story. They were just pretty creatures with wings and halos that fluttered around Heaven. AJ could not be an angel. AJ could not be writing her notes and sending her Christmas presents. AJ was gone, and she would never be able to see him or speak to him again, not until she got to Heaven herself.

That’s what the logical half of her brain was telling her. But the other half… the other half was hoping it was true. Bianca wanted it to be true. She wanted to believe in the possibility that AJ was out there somewhere, not alive exactly, but still there with her, not just in heart, but in… spirit. She wanted to believe that they could still communicate with each other and be together in some sense. But… how could it be like that? She had known people who died before, and none of them came back as ‘angels’. None of them wrote her letters and sent her gifts and tried to talk to her from beyond the grave. She had learned early on that when people died, they were gone forever. No matter how much she wished it were different, that was the way it worked. This went against all reality. It just couldn’t be true. She wanted it to be, but it couldn’t. Someone had to be playing some kind of elaborate joke on her. How they had managed to pull this off, she did not know, but they had to have done it somehow.

But the handwriting… even the handwriting looked like AJ’s… a bit shaky and lopsided, but it looked so similar…

It’s only shaky because it’s forged. AJ’s signature is all over the place; anyone could copy his writing, Bianca’s sensible side firmly told her.

“Bianca?”

Bianca looked up to find both her parents staring at her, their eyes wide with concern. She had almost forgotten where she was and what she was doing. Her cheeks reddened, and she let the note fall.

“What did it say, sweetie? Who’s it from?” her mother asked worriedly.

Bianca felt trapped and unsure of what to do. Should she show her parents the note? They might think someone was stalking her… or think she was going crazy if they thought she believed it. But who else could she say it was from?

“Howie,” she said abruptly. “It was from Howie.”

“Howie? Well… how did it get here?”

“Um…” Bianca thought quickly. “… well, according to the note, he sent it to Brianna and had her stick it under the tree for me as a surprise. She must have snuck it in when she came over yesterday afternoon.” Bianca forced a laugh and inwardly praised herself for coming up with a good lie so fast. She normally was not a very good liar.

“Oh! Well, how sweet,” her mother said, beaming. “There’s not… uh… anything going on between you and Howie… is there?”

Bianca reddened. “Mama! Of course not!” she exclaimed. “Howie’s just a friend. Besides, he’s got Krystle, and I… well…” She trailed off with a shrug, knowing her mother would understand what she meant.

“Okay, okay. I was just wondering.”

Bianca smiled tightly and crumpled the note up in her fist. “I’m going to take my stuff upstairs,” she said, hurriedly scooping her new presents into her arms. “Be down in a few.” Struggling to keep the load in her arms, she dashed out of the living room and up to the safety of her bedroom. She needed a few minutes alone.

***

That night, Bianca called Eddie.

“Sorry to bother you on Christmas,” she said, “But you remember that note I got at the store a couple weeks ago? The one from ‘AJ’?”

“Yeah…” replied Eddie. “Why?”

“Well, I got another one this morning… along with a Christmas present.”

“A present? What was it?”

“A necklace. A necklace with an angel pendant on it.”

“And the note was from…”

“AJ. Supposedly.”

“Aw, I’m sorry, Bean. Try not to let it upset you though. I’m sure it’s just someone messing with you, someone having some harmless fun,” Eddie assured her.

“I know,” Bianca said dully. She knew that had to be it, but she wished it wasn’t. She wished it really was AJ and not some crazy fan playing a trick on her.

“But, hey, at least you got some jewelry out of it. Is the necklace nice?”

“Yeah, it is,” Bianca said, smiling down at the necklace, which was still hanging around her neck. She wasn’t sure if it was made of real gold and diamonds or not – she was thinking not, if it was just someone playing with her – but it was pretty anyway, and she liked it, so she figured, why not keep it?

“Well, at least your little note-sending buddy has good taste then.”

Bianca smiled. “Yeah, I guess. Well, I’ll let you go now, Eddie. I just wanted to tell you that. Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas to you too, Bean.”

With that, they hung up.

From the other side of the room, AJ sighed heavily. It seemed he had failed again.

***

The rest of Bianca’s Christmas vacation in North Carolina passed quickly, for most of it was spent making preparations for the New Year’s get-together with Brianna and her other old high school friends. Although she was not really looking forward to a party, she did knew she would enjoy seeing her friends again, many of whom she hadn’t seen in years. She was also glad for something to occupy her, for whenever she got bored, she got depressed. When she was busy, it wasn’t so bad.

On New Year’s Eve, Bianca drove to Brianna’s apartment. The apartment was old and rather shabby, but Brianna had done her best to keep it looking reasonably nice. It was small, but cozy. The two girls spent the late afternoon decorating and preparing food. At around six, their friends started arriving.

Hayley was first. As soon as she walked in the door, Bianca could tell she hadn’t changed a bit in the years since they had last been together. She was just as tell, red-haired, and crazy as always. She bounded into the room, hugged them both, and told Bianca how sorry she was about AJ.

“Thanks,” Bianca said, with a sad smile.

“I wanted to call you, but I didn’t have your number, and… well, to be honest, I wasn’t really sure what to say,” explained Hayley. “I can’t believe such a horrible thing happened.” Bianca just nodded, not knowing what to say back to that.

Louise arrived next. Her entrance was much mellower than Hayley’s, but she hugged Brianna, Bianca, and Hayley as well and then offered her condolences to Bianca. Then came Liz, and after her, Nicole. Finally, all six members of their old “gang” were there. They turned on the TV, but didn’t watch the New Year’s festivities. Instead, they talked for a long time, filling each other in on everything that had gone on in their lives since the last time they had spoken. Bianca listened more than talked, for most of the past year of her life had revolved around AJ, and she didn’t want to talk about that. She enjoyed hearing about the others’ lives and trying to forget her own.

By the time midnight rolled around, all six of them were nice and drunk, and for the first time in over a month, Bianca actually felt happy. As she watched the ball drop in Times Square on the television, she thought hopefully, It’s a new year. Things are going to get better from here on out.

She had absolutely no idea what would be in store for her in the next year.

***

Chapter 22

Bianca went home the day after New Year’s Day. That evening, as she was unpacking her suitcase, the phone rang.

“Hello?” she said, picking it up in her bedroom.

“Hey, Bean!” called a voice. Bianca recognized it as Howie’s.

“Hey, Howie!” she replied. “Happy New Year.”

“You too,” said Howie. “So, how are you doing? I haven’t talked to you in awhile.”

“Yeah, I know. I’m doing okay. How about you?”

“Same. Did you have a nice Christmas?”

“Yeah, it was fine. How was yours?”

“Pretty good.”

The small talk ended, and there was a pause. Then, Howie said, “Well, here’s the real reason I was calling – Brian and Kevin are both flying in on Monday to get together with Nick and I and management for a meeting… about, well, you know… what we’re going to do.”

“Oh,” said Bianca, a lump rising in her throat. What we’re going to do. About the Backstreet Boys, he meant. She was almost positive this meeting would officially end the group. She didn’t see how the remaining four Boys could go on without AJ. There would be solo acts, she was sure, but the Backstreet Boys had most likely died with AJ. As a Backstreet Boys fan, this was depressing to her. They had been together for a decade, but the Backstreet Era had finally come to a close.

She never thought it would end like this. She had always assumed the group would break up once they got too old or too bored or wanted solo careers or families. She never expected one of the members to die so young, thereby killing the group.

“Well, anyway,” continued Howie, “Leigh and Kris are coming down too with Bri and Kev, so we thought maybe we could all get together one of the nights they’re here – Kev and Kris, Bri and Leigh, Nick, Krystle, me, and you.”

“Oh, that would be nice,” said Bianca. “I haven’t seen anyone in a long time, except that night you, Krystle, Nick, and I went out.”

“Yeah, same here. Brian and Kevin haven’t been here since… well… you know.”

She knew. AJ’s funeral – that was the last event they had been around for. They both had stayed a few more days after that and then flown to their respective homes with their wives.

“Yeah,” she said. “Well, I don’t have any plans for next week that I know of, except work, so just give me a call a few days in advance, and I’m sure I can get off work to do something with y’all.”

“Okay, great,” replied Howie. “I’ll call you sometime soon then. Talk to you later.”

“Yup, see ya, Howie.”

They said goodbye, and there was a click on Howie’s end of the line. Bianca hung up as well and went back to her unpacking.

***

“… And in other news, Florida’s ‘Smiley Face Killer’ has struck again. Early yesterday, police discovered the remains of 20-year-old Billy Forrester, who was reported missing last week, a few miles from his home outside Tampa. An autopsy revealed the same injuries as the killer’s other victims – trauma to the head and stab wounds to the torso in the pattern of a happy face. Forrester is the fifth person to be murdered in this fashion, and police are now saying they’re definitely dealing with a serial killer here…”

“Not another one,” Bianca moaned, shaking her head sorrowfully as she pulled into her usual parking space and shut off the ignition, cutting the radio news brief off. Five people – this person had brutally murdered five people. Did the police have any leads, any suspects, even some kind of psychological profile? Would they ever catch this guy? (Or girl, Bianca thought – Can’t be sexist about it.)

Slowly, Bianca climbed out of her car, grabbing her purse before she shut the door, and headed through the parking lot to Barnes and Noble. It was the Monday after New Year’s, four days after she got back from North Carolina, and her first day back after her Christmas break.

“Hey, Bean,” Eddie greeted her inside. “Have a good New Year’s?”

“Yeah, I did,” Bianca replied truthfully. “A few of my old high school friends came home, and we had a little party. It was fun.”

“That’s good,” said Eddie. “Oh, is that the necklace?” His eyes traveled from her face to her neck, where the little golden angel charm gleamed.

Automatically fingering the angel, Bianca nodded. “Yeah,” she said. She wasn’t exactly sure why she kept wearing that necklace. Maybe subconsciously she was pretending that the necklace really was a gift from AJ. She wasn’t sure if that was it or not, but she liked the necklace. It was not just its physical beauty, but something beyond that that appealed to her, something she could not put her finger on.

“It’s nice,” said Eddie. “Well, we better get stuff ready to open up.”

Bianca nodded, ready to get to work and forget about AJ and the necklace and the serial killer and everything else.

***

“Thanks, Mr. Gunzenmeier. Have a nice day,” Bianca said, as she slipped the receipt into the bag and handed it to Mr. Gunzenmeier.

“Same to you,” he mumbled, took the bag, and turned away from the counter.

“I can see someone down here!” Bianca called to the line of customers waiting to check out. A woman carrying an armload of books came over and set her burden down on the counter. Bianca took the first book off the stack and started to ring it up when Eddie came up to her.

“Hey, Bean, you’ve got a phone call on Line 2. Go take it and then take your break; I’ll cover your register.”

“Oh, thanks, Eddie,” said Bianca, handing him the woman’s book. “He’ll check you out,” she said to the customer and went off to the break room, where there was a phone. She picked up the receiver and hit the flashing button for Line 2. “Hello?”

“Miss Parker?” came a serious, professional-sounding male voice.

“Yes,” said Bianca.

“This is Officer Davidson from the Broward County Police Department. I’m not sure if you remember me or not, but we met back in November, the night Mr. McLean was killed.”

The events of that night were still something of a blur to Bianca, but she vaguely remembered speaking to the police officer at the morgue that night and at the police station later. “Yes, I remember you,” she said, wondering why he was calling her now, a month and a half later.

“Okay. Miss Parker, is there any way you could come to the Orlando police station this evening? We need to question you and the others who saw Mr. McLean that night,” said Officer Davidson.

“Again?” Bianca asked before she could stop herself. “Not to be rude,” she went on quickly, “But I was already questioned the day after it happened.”

“I know,” Officer Davidson said gently, “But we really need to talk to you again. I’ll explain when you get here. Do you think you can make it?”

“I get off work at five,” Bianca said. “I can be there by 5:30. Is that okay?”

“That’s perfect,” replied Officer Davidson. “I’ll see you this evening then. Sorry to bother you at work.”

“No problem,” said Bianca. “Bye.” She hung up the phone slowly, her brow furrowed in confusion. What could they possibly want to talk to her about now?

***

When her shift got over at five o’clock that evening, Bianca left Barnes and Noble and drove straight to the police station. Officer Davidson was waiting there for her.

“Good evening, Miss Parker,” he greeted her with a handshake. “If you’ll just follow me, we’ll try to get this over with as soon as possible.” Bianca nodded and followed the officer down a hallway and into a room. There was a desk on one side of the room, which several men were standing behind. On the other side of the desk, a circle of chairs was set up, and in the chairs sat Howie, Krystle, Nick, Brian, Leighanne, Kevin, Kristin, and AJ’s mother, Denise. Bianca stopped, shocked to see them all there. She had assumed she was the only one called in for questioning.

No one spoke, but the others all nodded up at her in greeting. Howie offered her a tight-lipped smile.

“Go ahead and have a seat, Miss Parker,” said Officer Davidson, motioning to the open chair between Howie and Nick. Bianca nodded and sat down, feeling increasingly nervous being there.

“Now that we have you all here,” said Officer Davidson, stepping behind the desk with the other men, “We can get this underway. Let me introduce Officer Newton, of the Orange County Police Department.” A man in a police uniform tipped his head in greeting. “This is Dr. Greenly, a physician at Fort Lauderdale’s Mercy Hospital.” He pointed to a second man, who was wearing a business suit. “And finally, Agent Downing, of the FBI.” He acknowledged the third man. “We have brought you all together this evening because we have uncovered some shocking evidence about the death of Mr. Alexander James McLean.”

“And what’s that?” said Kevin, his eyes fixed on the police officer.

“We have reason to believe,” said Officer Davidson, “that Mr. McLean’s death was not a random serial killing, but instead a premeditated, deliberate act targeted specifically at Mr. McLean.”

“And what is that supposed to mean?” asked Nick.

”It means,” Officer Davidson answered gravely, “that your friend was not murdered by the Smiley Face Killer. Someone was out to get him.”

***

Chapter 23

“What?” gasped Howie. “H-How do you know that? I thought you said he died the same as the others, with the… the… happy face…”

“He did, Mr. Dorough,” said Officer Davidson, “but we know believe that his murderer was someone other than the real Smiley Face Killer and only tried to make Mr. McLean’s death look like another serial killing. You see, there have been four other victims of the Smiley Face Killer. Each of them were killed by a blow to the head, and a happy face shape was carved into each of them. But on the other four, the shape was different than on Mr. McLean.”

“Different? It’s a happy face; how could it be that different?” Kevin asked.

“The eyes, Mr. Richardson. On the four victims we believe were killed by the same person, the Smiley Face Killer, the ‘eyes’ of the face were elongated slashes. On Mr. McLean, they were more rounded holes. That’s how we know that whoever did this to Mr. McLean is not the Smiley Face Killer.”

Bianca began to feel queasy picturing what Officer Davidson was describing. She wished he would let her leave.

“Couldn’t it just be a copycat though?” Brian asked.

“It could be,” spoke up the FBI Agent, Kennel. “We haven’t ruled that out yet, but because there has only been one death like Mr. McLean’s and because of Mr. McLean’s celebrity status, we think it is more likely that someone set out specifically to kill Mr. McLean and killed him in the Smiley Face Killer’s style to lead the police astray.”

“How do you find out who killed him then?” asked Kevin.

“Well, that’s why you all are here. We’d like to question you all again in hopes of finding out something that will lead us to some suspects. So, if you could all wait here, we will take you one by one for questioning. We’ll try to be as quick as we can.”

Sighs were heard throughout the room, but the group cooperated. Anything that would help the police find out who killed AJ was worth their time.

***

Bianca was last to be questioned, and when she came out of the tiny office they used for the questioning session, she found that the other guys and their girlfriends were still there, waiting for her.

“Hey, Bean,” said Howie. “We were all gonna go back to my place and order a pizza. You wanna come?”

“Yeah, sure, that sounds good,” Bianca replied. She was not very hungry, but she didn’t feel like going home and being alone quite yet. So she followed the others out of the police station, and they all got into their cars and drove to Howie’s house.

***

“I wonder where Bean is,” AJ said for the third time in five minutes.

“Will you shut up already?” asked Lindy in exasperation.

“She was supposed to get off at five tonight; I saw her schedule,” AJ said insistently.

“Well, she probably went somewhere else after work. I’m surprised you don’t already know that, with all your stalking.”

AJ rolled his eyes. “I don’t stalk her,” he muttered. “I’ve barely seen her all day.” It was true; he had managed to stay away from Barnes and Noble the entire day and hang out around town with Lindy instead. He had discovered that the more he followed Bianca around, the harder it was for him, knowing that he was so close to her, yet so far away.

“Good; maybe your pathetic-ness is fading.”

AJ glared at Lindy. “Maybe not. I’m gonna go find her.”

Before Lindy could say a word, he closed his eyes and concentrated on the first place that came into his head. Moments later, he found himself on Howie’s front porch. Looking around, he saw a line of cars parked around the circular driveway. He recognized one of them as Bianca’s. Without a second thought, he slid through the front door and entered the house.

He found everyone sitting in Howie’s kitchen, drinking coffee. They were all there – Howie, Kevin, Brian, and Nick; Krystle, Kristin, Leighanne, and Bianca. And now he was there to complete the group, even if no one knew it.

He walked around the table to where Bianca was sitting and positioned himself behind her. He leaned close to her, imagining the sweet scent of her auburn hair. Of course, he could not smell it now. He tried to run his fingers through it, to feel its silky texture. But of course, his fingers went through her as if they were made of gas, and he felt nothing. So close… yet so far…

AJ was startled out of his desolation by an audible gasp from Brian, who was sitting on the other side of the table between Nick and Leighanne. Looking at Brian in surprise, AJ saw that his blue eyes were wide, and he was staring at Bianca. No… not at Bianca… he was staring over her head. He was staring right at… AJ.

“Brian,” AJ whispered, feeling a surge of hope rush through him. “Brian, it’s me! Can you see me?”

Brian’s eyes were still fixed on him, yet he looked confused and a little afraid.

“It’s okay, Brian!” AJ cried. “It’s okay! I’m an angel, Brian, I’m not going to hurt you!”

But Brian didn’t seem to be able to hear him, nor recognize him. He just stared.

“Brian?” said Leighanne in concern. “Brian, what is it? What are you looking at?”

“Brian? Are you okay, Bri?” asked Bianca.

“Rok, what’s wrong?”

“Frick?”

They all were questioning him now, and one by one, their heads turned to follow his gaze. They all looked in AJ’s direction. But none of them saw whatever Brian was seeing. Their eyes looked above AJ, to his right, to his left, or straight through him. They could not see him. But Brian could. Brian could see something that the others couldn’t.

“Brian, what is it?” Leighanne asked again, her voice rising in panic.

“That light,” Brian finally whispered. “That light! Don’t you see it? It’s right behind Bianca, right over her head!”

Bianca turned around, looking wildly through and above AJ. She had no idea what was there. “Where?” she demanded. “Where is it? I don’t see anything.”

“It’s still there!” insisted Brian. “Right there in front of you, Bean!”

“Brian,” Howie said softly, “What light? There’s nothing there.”

“Maybe it’s just a glare,” Nick said helpfully.

“It’s not a glare, Nick, it’s dark out,” Kevin said irritably.

“Well, I don’t see anything. It must just be your eyes screwing with you, Bri,” Krystle announced, crossing her arms skeptically in front of her and looking away.

The others still stared in AJ’s general proximity, but they seemed just as doubtful as Krystle. Only Brian looked on with continued resolve. Only Brian knew that something was indeed there. A light… not actually AJ, but a light. Still, this light was more than anyone else had seen, and that gave AJ hope, hope that maybe he could communicate through Brian.

Finally, Brian tore his eyes away. “Maybe you’re right, Frack,” he said softly, his cheeks growing pink. “Maybe it was just some kind of glare.”

It’s not, thought AJ desperately. Don’t give up on me, Rok. You know there’s something there; you know it. For a few minutes, he felt miserable again, thinking that whatever light that surrounded him had somehow gone away.

But then, when he thought no one was looking, Brian glanced up in AJ’s direction again. And again, AJ felt hope.

***

Chapter 24

“He saw me, Lindy! I swear, he looked right at me! Only I don’t think he saw me me. He saw… like… a light, I guess. That’s what he said anyway. But he was looking at me!” AJ cried excitedly.

Lindy’s eyes widened. “He’s a Believer,” she whispered in awe.

“A Believer? A Believer of what? Angels?”

“Yeah… I guess so. I don’t know much about them; I’ve never met a true Believer before, only heard about them from other angels…”

“Other angels? Wait, you know other angels? Like who?” AJ asked with interest. He knew there were others of his kind; Lindy had mentioned others before. But he didn’t realize there were other angels around that she actually knew. She spent most of the time hanging around him, it seemed.

Lindy shrugged. “Just other people,” she said, “But they’re all gone now.”

“Well, where did they go??”

Another shrug. “Wherever we go when we finish our missions. Heaven, I’ve always assumed, but then again, I’m not positive of that.”

Missions. AJ had not thought about that in a long time, but now he remembered his first conversation with Lindy in the bookstore.


“Missions?”

“Yeah, missions. That’s the point of being an angel,” she said, talking to him as if she were teaching a class of first-graders. “You have to complete your mission on Earth before you can get to Heaven.”


“Hey, speaking of missions…” AJ said, “… I still don’t know what mine is.”

“Well, don’t look at me. It’s not like I know,” Lindy replied unhelpfully. “But don’t worry, I don’t know what my mission is yet either. And I’ve been dead for over a year.”

AJ was jolted by her words. Dead for over a year. He suddenly felt like a character in a horror movie, talking to a ghost, a dead person. The only thing was, he was dead himself. It was hard to think of himself as dead, not when he could still move and speak… to Lindy anyway. But he was dead and had been for almost two months now. Morbidly, he thought back to his own funeral and realized that his body was now buried six feet below ground in a cemetery in West Palm Beach, rotting away. He was nothing but a spirit now. He shuddered at the thought.

“Hey, you okay?” Lindy asked, startling AJ out of his gruesome thoughts.

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine,” he mumbled. Then, suddenly, he thought of something. He opened his mouth, but Lindy interrupted him before he could get a word out.

“So, back to Believers,” she said, returning to their earlier topic. “They’re the only mortals that can see us. Not really us in our ‘human’ form though, just a light in sort of a vague, human-ish shape.”

AJ nodded. “Brian must be that then,” he said. “Cause he saw me, but no one else could. Why only him though? Why is he the only Believer? He’s really religious, I know, so maybe that’s it, but so is Kevin. And Howie goes to church. And Leighanne, she’s pretty religious too. And-”

“I’m not really sure,” said Lindy. “Religion may play a part in it, but I think there’s more to it than that. There’s got to be. I just don’t know what, what it is that separates Believers from everyone else.”

“Well, do you think if I wrote Brian a note like I’ve been writing Bianca, he’d believe me?” AJ asked, growing excited again.

Lindy shrugged. “Maybe,” she said. “I guess it’s worth a shot.”

“Okay!” AJ exclaimed, jumping up. He ran from his living room into the kitchen, solidified his right hand (which was becoming easier and easier to do), and rummaged through one of the drawers, hunting for a tablet of paper and a pen. He found both and carried them to the kitchen table, where he sat down to compose a message to Brian.

Dear Brian, he wrote, in his light, shaky cursive (for his solidified hand was weak, and it was hard to write). Then he set the pen down for a moment to think what to say, how to word this. Bianca had not believed either of his two notes, but Brian had to believe this one. He just had to. It seemed Brian might be AJ’s last chance to communicate with any of them. He had to do this right.

He picked up the pen again, but he did not write anything down. He pondered over what to say, tossing words and phrases around in his head, debating over what sounded best. It was a lot like writing song lyrics, except his lines did not have to rhyme this time.

AJ thought so long and hard, the pen cupped in his hand, that he did not realize how much energy he was expending. Not until he began to feel weak and light-headed, much more so than he usually did when he solidified part of himself. And then… there was the mist. A twinkling gold haze suddenly began to close in on him from all sides.

“Lindy!” he cried out, feeling as though he were about to pass out. “Lindy… what’s happening to me?” In his ears, his voice sounded muffled and far away.

“… The gold mist,” he heard her say, her voice fading in and out, skipping as if it were a recording on a bad record. “Let… take you… must rest… get back… energy…”

But AJ did not want to let the gold mist take him. As it swirled around him, smothering him, he felt terrified. He could feel himself slipping away, but he did not want to go away, not when he might be so close to reaching Brian. But inevitably, the gold mist surrounded him, and then the twinkling gold fog faded to black, and he knew no more.

***

“Brian?”

Leighanne’s soft voice cut through the quietness in the bedroom of the hotel suite. Brian rolled over in bed to face her. “Yeah?”

Leighanne was silent for a moment, as if she were reluctant to say whatever it was she wanted to say to him. Finally, she spoke again. “What happened tonight, at Howie’s house?”

“What do you mean?” Brian asked, knowing full well what she meant. She was talking about the light.

“I mean… what happened when we were drinking coffee. In the kitchen.” She waited a moment, then elaborated, “When you saw… whatever it was you saw… behind Bianca. What was that? What was going on?”

Brian swallowed. “I don’t know,” he said quietly. “It was nothing, I guess. I just thought I saw something.”

“No, it was not ‘ nothing’,” Leighanne argued. “You had to have seen something, Brian, or you wouldn’t have acted like that. You kept saying it was a light.”

“Yeah. But it must have been only a reflection or a glare like Nick said… or something.”

“Something like what? I looked too, Bri, and I didn’t see a reflection or a glare. I feel like you’re hiding something from me, and I want to know what it is.”

Brian shifted guiltily in the darkness. He did not keep things from his wife very often, but he felt like he had to keep this from her. She would think he was crazy if he told her what he really thought it was. She wouldn’t believe him. He wasn’t even sure he believed it. No, that was a lie. He did believe it. And that was the problem. She and everyone else would think he was insane if they knew.

“Leigh, I don’t know,” he said desperately. “I don’t know what it was. I just thought I saw a weird light, but then it went away. It was probably just my eyes playing tricks on me. I dunno, maybe I need to get them looked at.”

“Maybe,” Leighanne said doubtfully.

“Look, honey, I’m tired, and I want to just get to sleep, okay? We can talk in the morning.” Just not about this, Brian added internally.

“Okay,” Leighanne sighed. “Goodnight, babe.

“Night, sweetheart,” Brian replied, leaning over and managing to find Leighanne’s face in the darkness for a kiss. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” came Leighanne’s echo, and with a reassured smile on his face, Brian rolled back over so that his back was again facing Leighanne. He lay still and pretended to go to sleep, but really, it took at least an hour or more for sleep to find him. And when it did, he dreamed. He dreamed of the very thing that had been plaguing his thoughts ever since he had seen the light…

***

There were people, people everywhere… they swarmed around his bed, their faces hovering over him, blending together so that they were undistinguishable…

“Oh, Brian… oh please, he’s so hot….”

“We need to lower his fever, stat.”

“He’s burning up…”

“Let’s put him back in the ice bath.”

“Please…”

There were several voices speaking all at once, confusing him. One was his mother’s, that much he knew. She sounded scared, and that alarmed him. He felt fear… but more than anything, he felt pain. It closed in on him, settling in his chest, in his very heart…

“Mommy, it hurts… it hurts…”

“Do something! Please!”

He could hear his heartbeat in his ears, loud and very fast… the pain grew…

“Mommy…”

“Help him! Help him!”

“Hang on, Brian! Hang on…”

But he could not hang on. The pain grew more and more intense… his heartbeat grew louder and quicker… and then, all of a sudden, the pain began to fade… but so did the faces… and the voices… and then the entire room… until everything was dark…

And then, suddenly, there was a light… a very bright, very white light… but not a blinding light… a comforting light… it seemed to beckon to him…

Brian… Brian…

The light grew nearer and nearer, until he was enveloped in it… his pain was gone now… he felt at peace…

And then there was another light… a silver one… it floated towards him, small at first, then bigger and bigger… and it began to take form… elongating until it was an indistinct shape… the shape of a woman… and it spoke to him… not orally… but he heard the words loud and clear just the same…

Brian… don’t be afraid, Brian…

I am afraid, thought Brian. There’s so much pain…

I know there is… but you have to be strong. The pain will go away soon… but you cannot. It is not your time yet, Brian. You must go back now… you must go back… you are needed there.

I don’t want to go back, thought Brian. I don’t want to leave this place, this bright, wonderful place.

But you must. It’s not your time. Go on, now, Brian. Go on back. It’s not time to come Home yet.

Okay… I’ll go back now…

Good… go on, Brian… be strong…

I will be strong. I will be…

And then the Silver Light retracted and faded away… as did the bright white that enclosed him… it began to fade… and closing his eyes, he let it take him back…

***

Brian opened his eyes with a start and found himself lying in the hotel bed next to Leighanne, bathed in sweat. Just a dream, he told himself hazily. It wasn’t just any dream though. It was a recurring dream, one about his near-death experience when he was just five years old. He had had the same dream many times as a child and even a young adult, but he had not had it in years. He knew why he had dreamt it tonight though.

The Light. It was the Light. The light he had seen behind Bianca in Howie’s kitchen that night… it was similar to the Light, the Silver Light, in his dream… the Light he had seen when as a five-year-old, when his heart had stopped beating. It was not just a light though, Brian knew. Though he had never spoken of it to anyone, not even his mother, he knew that that light he had seen then was something more than just a light, and it was not something imagined or dreamed. He had really seen it, while he was in some state between life and death. And it had saved him. It had sent him back to Earth, brought him back to life.

It wasn’t just a light, Brian thought again. It was an angel.

***

Chapter 25

Brian was not the only one lying awake that night. Bianca lay on her back in the large, king size bed she had once shared with AJ, staring up towards the dark ceiling of her bedroom, unable to sleep. Thoughts kept running through her mind. Frightening thoughts.

Officer Davidson’s words from that evening echoed in her brain, repeating themselves over and over like a broken record.

“We have reason to believe that Mr. McLean’s death was not a random serial killing, but instead a premeditated, deliberate act targeted specifically at Mr. McLean.”

“And what is that supposed to mean?”

”It means that your friend was not murdered by the Smiley Face Killer. Someone was out to get him.”

Out to get him. Someone had come into the hotel that night, had been lurking in that hallway, had been waiting specifically for AJ to come walking out so they could attack him. It wasn’t just a matter of AJ being in the wrong place at the wrong time, like Bianca and the others had always thought. He was deliberately sought out, attacked, and killed. The thought of that was chilling.

“Who would want to kill AJ?” Bianca asked out loud, her voice penetrating the silence of the still room. How could anyone want him dead? AJ was the sweetest, kindest, most charming, unique, and talented man she knew… what possible reason would someone have to murder him? She knew there were a lot of people in the world who did not like the Backstreet Boys. She knew there were people that laughed at them, poked fun at them. She knew there were people that outright insulted them. But who could actually hate them – or AJ specifically – so much that they wanted them (him) dead? What kind of person killed an artist just because he or she did not like his music? Someone who was not right in the head, no doubt. But Bianca was sure it had to be more than that. Whoever had done this had to have some reason better than a different taste in music. But what? And who was this ‘someone’, this ‘whoever’, that had done it?

Her thoughts had come full circle again to those very questions – who would want to kill AJ… and why?

***

When AJ awoke, he felt extremely groggy and disoriented. Struggling to sit up, he looked around at his surroundings and realized he was lying in the middle of his kitchen floor.

“Hey, Sleeping Beauty,” came Lindy’s familiar, sarcastic voice.

AJ looked up to find both Lindy and Bianca sitting across from each other at the kitchen table. Bianca was eating a bagel with cream cheese on it and gazing absently out the window. Lindy was smirking down at AJ.

“I was wondering when you were gonna come out of the mist,” she said.

Now AJ remembered what had happened . The golden mist – he had been in the golden mist, re-energizing, or whatever Lindy had called it. “How long was I in it?” he asked. It was a stupid question – he could tell it was morning by the fact that Bianca was eating breakfast, and the sun was streaming in through the windows on the eastern side of the house. When the mist had overtaken him, it had been night. So the golden mist really was like sleeping, he assumed, same hours and all.

Wrong.

“About three days,” Lindy replied casually.

AJ’s eyes popped. “Three days?!” he exclaimed. “No way!”

“Yes way. Today’s January ninth. It was the sixth when you were last around.”

“The ninth? Hey, it’s my-“

“Your birthday, I know. Happy birthday.” Lindy offered him a small smile.

“Thanks,” he said, blinking at her in surprise. “How did you know today was my birthday?”

“I read it in one of those books about you guys. I told you that one day I was looking stuff up about you.”

“Oh.” It seemed strange that she knew so much about him without him realizing it. He barely knew anything about her. He didn’t her birthday – hell, he didn’t even know her last name or where she was from or how she had…

“And I know that if you were alive, you would be twenty-five today,” Lindy added proudly.

Would be twenty-five. That was a strange thought. Technically, he hadn’t lived to see his twenty-fifth birthday, but here he was to celebrate it. Not that he could blow out any candles or eat any cake this year. AJ sighed unhappily. He liked cake…

“So, looks like your lover’s going to be pining for you even more than usual today,” Lindy said, motioning to Bianca. AJ followed her gaze and saw that Bianca was still staring into space, her right hand holding her nibbled-on bagel in mid-air. He sighed, wishing she would just believe his messages. But Bianca was stubborn and anything but gullible. He knew she probably wouldn’t believe it until she had some proof.

And that proof, thought AJ, a feeling of sudden excitement growing within him, will come from Brian.

***

Today is AJ’s birthday. That was the thought that had been going through Bianca’s mind all morning and continued to do so as she drove to work. He would have been twenty-five that day. Twenty-five… it was older than she was (she would be twenty-four in May), but still seemed very young in the scheme of things. After all, many people lived into their eighties and nineties these days, some even into their hundreds. AJ had only lived about a quarter of what he could have lived. Twenty-five was far too young to die.

A solitary tear unexpectedly ran down Bianca’s cheek, and she rolled her eyes, brushing it quickly away. She felt disgusted with herself for dwelling on such things and making herself upset. She didn’t want to be upset anymore. She was sick of crying, sick of mourning. She wanted to get on with her life. She wanted to be happy again. But as much as she wanted those things, she knew they were impossible… at least they were now. Maybe in a few months, things would be better, but it had only been a month and a half, and the pain of losing AJ was still too fresh to get over.

When Bianca arrived at Barnes and Noble, Eddie was already there, getting ready to open the store.

“Hey, Bean,” he greeted her as she came in. “How are you this morning?”

“Fine,” said Bianca, putting her things away in the back room. “So how long are you working today?”

Eddie made a face. “Seven,” he said. “You?”

“Five,” she replied.

“Cool. Got any plans for tonight?”

“Yeah, I’m going out with the Backstreet gang for dinner. Brian and Kevin and their wives are heading home on Saturday, so this is one of the last nights we have to do anything. Plus, it’s AJ’s birthday today…” She paused to swallow, “… so we thought it might be nice to get together and… honor him, I guess.”

“Oh… I’m sorry. This must be a tough day for you then,” Eddie said sympathetically.

Bianca smiled grimly. “No tougher than any other day,” she said with a half-hearted shrug.

“So, did the Boys have their group meeting you said they were going to have?”

“Yeah, they had it last night,” replied Bianca. “It’s over. Just like I thought.”

Eddie nodded. “So they all agreed to it?”

“Yeah. None of them wanted to go on without him. There might be another album someday – a greatest hits or tribute sort of thing - but no more new material. Nick’s probably going to keep doing his solo thing… maybe Brian, I don’t know… but no more Backstreet Boys.”

“My little sister will be upset.”

“I’m sure a lot of people will be,” said Bianca, “But I think most of the fans will understand. They’ll probably think it’s best. The Backstreet Boys would never be the same without AJ.”

“Yeah. Well, I’m sorry, I’ve probably depressed you enough for this morning. What do you say we get to work?” Eddie suggested.

Bianca smiled in relief. “Good idea.”

***

Chapter 26

“Lindy, help me. I need to write a letter to Brian,” AJ said determinedly, later that morning, after Bianca had left for work.

“Another letter?” Lindy sighed. “Listen, AJ, I think there’s a better way.”

“And what would that be?” asked AJ.

Lindy grinned. “Telepathy.”

AJ stared at her for a moment. “Telepathy? Isn’t that like mind-reading?”

“Better. It’s like mind-talking. Mind-to-mind communication.”

AJ took a moment to process this. “Wait… you mean… I can talk to Brian… with my mind.”

“Or so I’ve heard,” said Lindy. “Supposedly, some angels can communicate to some mortals this way. Only Believers. But even some Believers can’t be reached. And some angels aren’t strong enough.”

“You’ve heard? So you haven’t actually done it? Or seen it done?”

“No,” said Lindy, “But that’s because I haven’t met a Believer before, like I told you. I just heard it’s possible, from some of the other angels, the ones that showed me the ropes after I kicked the bucket.”

This reminded AJ again of a question he had been wanting to ask Lindy. He opened his mouth to ask it, but then decided against it, figuring that finding out how to speak to Brian was more important.

“Well, do you have any idea how to do it?” asked AJ.

“I think,” Lindy replied. “What you have to do – supposedly – is focus on a thought, one single thought, and the person you’re trying to communicate with, the Believer – in this case, Brian – has to be thinking of that same thought. If your thoughts match, you can ‘slip into their mind’, so to speak, and talk to them internally.”

This all went over AJ’s head at first, but what he got out of it was that all he had to do was think like Brian, and then he and Brian could talk to each other without ever saying a word out loud. It would be like reading each other’s thoughts.

“I want to try it,” AJ said resolutely. “Let’s go to Brian’s hotel, right now.”

“All right, all right,” Lindy said lazily, but AJ had already closed his eyes and focused on Brian’s hotel suite, transporting himself there.

***

When AJ appeared in the suite, he found himself in luck. Brian was still in bed, and Leighanne was nowhere to be found. He saw a note to Brian in her neat handwriting sitting on the desk.

B,

Went to pick up a few things at the drug store. Be back soon.

L

Hoping she had just left and would be gone for a while longer, AJ slipped into the bedroom, where Brian was lying on his side, curled up in the covers, still sound asleep. As he solidified his index finger, Lindy appeared in the room beside him.

“Took you long enough,” AJ said teasingly. “Leighanne’s gone, but probably not for long, so let’s do this quick. I’m going to wake him up.” With his now solid finger, he poked Brian in the shoulder. Once, twice, again and again, until finally, Brian let out a soft snort, twitched, and awoke. AJ backed up a bit, not wanting to startle Brian with his “light” or whatever it was that Brian saw when he looked at him.

Brian groggily rubbed his eyes and slowly opened them. Blearily, he looked around the room, remembering that he was in a hotel suite in Orlando and wondering what time it was and where Leighanne was. He squinted at the digital clock on the nightstand and made out the time – 8:30 am. “Too early,” he moaned and started to bury himself under the covers again when something caught his eye. Something in the corner. The Light.

In a split-second, Brian was sitting up, awake and alert, staring wide-eyed into the corner of the room. And that’s when he realized… there were two of them! Two Lights… one gold (the one he had seen behind Bianca at Howie’s house that night) and one silver… could that be his angel? The one he had seen when he was five?

“Stay there,” Brian whispered towards the two Light shapes. “Just a minute; please don’t leave!” He leapt out of bed and ran to the bathroom, checking to see that it was empty. It was. He ran out of the bedroom and found that the other room of the suite was unoccupied as well. There was a note sitting on the desk from Leighanne, saying she had run to the drugstore. He was all alone.

Excitedly, Brian ran back into the bedroom, praying the Lights, the so-called angels, were still there. They were, still shining from their spot in the corner. He froze, his eyes fixed on them, unsure of what to do or say. A flood of emotions ran through him – wonder, excitement, and even a little wariness. He just stood there, watching them, afraid to speak. He was terrified of scaring them away, making them leave.

“What you have to do – supposedly – is focus on a thought, one single thought, and the person you’re trying to communicate with, the Believer – in this case, Brian – has to be thinking of that same thought. If your thoughts match, you can ‘slip into their mind’, so to speak, and talk to them internally.”

Lindy’s words echoed through AJ’s brain. He knew he had to think like Brian. Brian… good, kind, sensitive, religious, Mama’s Boy Brian. What would Brian be thinking in this situation?

Lights… thought AJ. Um… lights… pretty lights… cool lights… in my room… lights… in the corner… two of them…

It didn’t seem to be working. Nothing was happening. Desperately, AJ kept thinking, concentrating hard on his thoughts.

Lights… in a shape… a vague, human-ish shape… two shapes, actually… there’s two of us… no, I have to think from Brian’s point of view, not mine! Damn it, this isn’t working… no, can’t cuss… Brian doesn’t cuss… not very often anyway… he does sometimes though, when he gets pissed… hehe, pissing Brian off can be pretty fun… no, concentrate, AJ, concentrate! Lights… lights… the lights… the two lights… … … … … basketball?

It was a last resort, and obviously, a failure. AJ sighed. This was harder than he had expected. What was Brian thinking???

It just so happened that Brian was debating what to say to the Lights. Finally, deciding they might just go away if he didn’t say something, he fought up his courage and stammered, “Wh-what are you? Or… who are you?”

Who are you? thought AJ, as Brian said the words, and suddenly, something changed. He could hear Brian’s voice, loud and clear in his ears, but Brian’s lips were not moving.

“Can they talk? The Silver Light talked to me before when I was five… why won’t they answer me?”

“Brian?” AJ both said the name and thought it at the same time.

“You can talk!” Brian said aloud. AJ both heard the words and sensed them… and he knew Brian had heard him. This was it! He and Brian were communicating! But Brian hadn’t recognized his voice… yet.

Practically bursting with excitement, AJ said, “Brian… it’s AJ.”

Brian jerked as if he had been slapped. His face drained of color as the words came to him. “Brian… it’s AJ.”

Hoarse and trembling, Brian took a step towards the Gold Light, the Light he sensed the voice coming from. “AJ?”

***

Chapter 27

“Brian!” AJ cried out in his mind, relived, excited, and so happy he could cry all at the same time.

“AJ… is that really you??” came Brian’s voice, filled with a mixture of emotions similar to those that AJ was feeling.

“Well, congrats, buddy. Looks like it worked. I think I’ll leave you two alone now to reunite,” Lindy said suddenly. AJ jumped at the sound of her voice, having forgotten she was still there.

“Yeah… bye,” he said vaguely. She disappeared without him really noticing.

“Hey… where did the other one go? Who is that? The silver one?”

“That’s Lindy. She’s another… well, we both are… I know this sounds crazy, but we’re…”

“Angels?”

“Yeah… you really are a Believer.”

“Well, I can’t believe this. I… I can’t believe I’m actually talking to you again, AJ! Is this a dream?”

AJ laughed. “God, I sure hope not… erm… not sure I should be taking the Lord’s name in vain… but Lindy does it, so I guess it’s okay… yeah, but anyway, this better not be a dream! Cause I’ve been trying for over a month to reach Bianca, and now I finally got to you!”

“Bianca? I’ll tell her, Aje! I’ll tell her that you’re… well… that you’re not really gone, I guess.”

“Yes! Tell her, Bri! Please! I want to talk to her so bad… and I know she misses me.”

“She does, man. She’s not herself… she’s not the same person she was when you were… alive. Maybe this will help her.”

“I hope so.”

There was a pause. There were so many things AJ had thought of to say before this actual moment, but now that he was finally talking to Brian, he couldn’t think of what to say next. His thoughts were jumbled in his cramped mind.

“AJ… how did this happen? I mean… why are you here? How did you become… an angel?”

“Well… I don’t really know… Lindy knows more about this angel stuff than I do… but here’s what I do know…”

And as quickly as he could, AJ filled Brian in on everything that had happened to him, everything he knew about being an angel, everything he had done to try to reach Bianca.

And then it was Brian’s turn. Suddenly, when AJ had finished talking, he thought of something to ask, the question he should have asked from the very start, the thing he most wanted to find out from AJ. “AJ…” he asked, “… who did this to you? Who-“ It felt so strange to put this in words. “-killed you?”

“What do you mean?” AJ asked back in confusion. “It was that serial killer… the Smiley Face psycho, right?” Without waiting for Brian’s answer, he continued, “If you want to know who the Smiley Face Killer actually is… well, I have no idea… I never saw his face.”

“Oh…” came Brian’s downcast reply. “… well, I guess you haven’t heard… it wasn’t the Smiley Face Killer after all.”

“What??” AJ exclaimed internally. “But… but that’s what I’ve been hearing everywhere! That I was the victim of that serial killer!”

“That’s what we all thought. But whoever did do it just disguised it to look like the Smiley Face Killer’s work. According to the police, the murderer was just… after you.”

AJ was silent a moment, as he processed this information. The murderer was just… after you. After him. Just after him. His death had not been a random serial killing after all. Someone had wanted him to die. He was shocked and upset by this at first. Then he just got mad.

“What?!” he cried to Brian. “But… but who would hate me that much?? Who would want me dead?”

“I don’t know,” Brian said sadly. “That’s what we’ve all been wondering.”

AJ fell silent again, trying to remember if there was anyone who had had something against him, anyone who would have a reason to hate him. He could think of no one, no one except for certain ‘N Sync teenyboppers and hard rock lovers who hated him just because he was a Backstreet Boy. But no one like that would murder him because of his music… would they?

The silence in the room was shattered by the click of a door opening.

“Leigh’s home,” Brian told AJ.

AJ made a quick decision. “Don’t tell her about me,” he said urgently. “Don’t tell anyone, except Bianca. Let’s just keep this our little secret for now, okay?” He wanted to explain his reasoning behind this, that for all he knew, his murderer could be one of them, one of the other Backstreet Boys or their girlfriends and wives, one of the members of their little group. It sounded crazy, but he couldn’t rule out the possibility. And he didn’t like the idea of his killer knowing that he was still around, that he still existed as a spirit, an angel. He wanted to tell Brian all this, but there was no time. Leighanne would be coming into the bedroom in a matter of seconds, and she would know something was up if Brian kept trying to speak to AJ with his mind.

Brian didn’t need an explanation. He just seemed to understand. “Okay,” he said. “I won’t tell a soul.”

“Thanks, Bri. I’m going to go now,” AJ replied.

“When will you be back?” Brian asked, sounding almost afraid, as if he feared he would not get to talk to AJ like this again.

“Soon,” was all AJ had a chance to answer, before Leighanne stuck her head in the bedroom.

***

“Ma’am, I’m really sorry, but if you don’t have a receipt, I can’t just give you your money back. You can exchange the book and buy another book in its place, but I can’t give you a cash refund,” Bianca said, her patience waning, to a middle-aged female customer, irate that she could not return a book to the store and get her money back without her receipt.

“I don’t want another book,” snapped the woman. “I want my money back!”

“I know, ma’am, but our return policy is that we can only give you your money back if you have the receipt,” Bianca said again, irritated. This was the worst part of working retail – angry, pushy, stubborn, stupid people.

“Well, that’s a ridiculous policy!” shouted the women, her nostrils flaring.

“Most stores have the same kind of policy, ma’am,” Bianca replied flatly. “Now, would you like to exchange the book for something else or keep it?”

“I said, I want my money back!”

“And I said, only if you have your receipt, and since you obviously don’t, the only way you can return that book is if you buy another in its place!” Bianca retorted, her voice rising. Calm down, she scolded herself, trying not to lose her temper.

“Fine! I’ll find another book to exchange it with. But I’m warning you, this is the last time I ever deal with your store again, missy!”

Bianca ignored her, inwardly thinking, Well, that’s a plus for us, and started to call up the next customer as the huffy lady stalked off to find another book. But she was interrupted by someone running up to her counter.

“Bean!” came the excited hiss.

Bianca found herself gazing into a pair of wide, crystal blue eyes. “Brian? What are you doing here?” Bianca asked with a smile.

“I have to talk to you! In private! Can you take a break soon?” came Brian’s reply.

“Um…” Bianca glanced at her watch. It was almost quarter till ten. “Can you wait about fifteen minutes?” she asked. “I have a break at ten.”

“Okay,” said Brian. “I’ll go find something to read until then, I guess.” He flashed her a smile and wandered off, disappearing between bookshelves.

Surprised by his unexpected visit to the store and curious about what he wanted to talk to her about, Bianca shrugged and called up the next customer, hoping the fifteen minutes till her break would pass quickly.

***

At 9:58, Bianca closed down her register and emerged from behind the counter to hunt down Brian. She found him in the Theology section, leafing through some book, which he quickly snapped shut and stuck back on the shelves when he spotted her.

“Can we go somewhere private?” he asked, looking meaningfully at her.

“What about here? No one’s in this aisle,” said Bianca, looking around her.

“No, somewhere more private,” Brian insisted.

“Okay…” Bianca thought for a moment, then said, “Come on.” She led him through the aisles to a door marked Authorized Personnel Only and went through it. Inside was the storage room, where they kept old damaged books and boxes of new shipments. Bianca took a quick walk through to make sure there was no one inside. There wasn’t. It was a Thursday, and since new books, like CD’s, came out on Tuesdays, they didn’t get shipments till at least Saturday.

Bianca and Brian walked to the very back of the storage room and took seats on a couple of beat-up-looking cardboard boxes of books.

“Okay, now what is it?” Bianca asked curiously.

“Okay, I have something to tell you, and I know you’re probably not going to believe it, but I swear it’s the truth,” began Brian.

This sounded strikingly like those letters from “AJ” she had been getting. The “I’m an angel” letters. She frowned. “What?” she asked, her voice flat.

“It’s about AJ.”

“Uh-huh.”

“I… I talked to him this morning.”

“Sure.”

“No, Bean, seriously, I did. This is gonna sound crazy, but… he’s an angel.”

Bianca was not sure exactly why she reacted the way she did. Maybe it was because the store was so busy that day, and she was stressed out by all the customers, especially that obnoxious “I want my money back!” lady. Maybe it was because it was AJ’s birthday, and she was upset. Maybe it was just hormones. She wasn’t sure why. All she knew was that right then, something inside her snapped, and she cried out, “Stop it! Just stop it, Brian!”

“Bianca, please, you have to believe me, he spoke to me!”

“Yeah, sure, he spoke to you, just like he’s been writing me letters! You were the one who wrote those letters, weren’t you? Weren’t you, Brian?”

“What letters? I didn’t write any letters,” Brian said, looking utterly confused.

But Bianca did not see that. She could not see that. A blind rage had come over her, and she was convinced that Brian was behind this evil trick that had been played on her, that Brian had written her those letters, that Brian was now carrying the joke a step further by telling her he had talked to AJ the Angel.

“Yeah, right, go ahead and deny it all you want! I figured you would!” Bianca cried, angry tears rising in her eyes. “What kind of sick freak are you!? Messing with my mind like this! Especially on his birthday!”

“Bianca, I’m sorry, I don’t-“

“You’re sorry? So you’re admitting it then, aren’t you?! You ass!”

“No, I’m not admit-“

“Whatever, Brian. What the fuck ever. Just leave me alone; I’m sick of this crap,” Bianca spat, twisting on her heel and storming out of the storage room, Brian hurrying along behind her, stammering his apologies, trying to make her understand. She let the door of the storage room slam in his face and went straight into the staff room, where she found Eddie, eating a bag of chips.

“Bean?” he asked when he saw her angry face, her teared-up eyes. “What’s wrong? What happened?”

“I have to go now,” Bianca choked out, trying to keep her tears from spilling. “Cover for me, please?” She grabbed her purse and without further explanation, walked out of the staff room.

Brian was outside waiting for her. “Get out of my way,” she muttered, pushing him rudely aside and brushing past him, ignoring his pleas for her to just listen. Eddie came bursting out of the staff room and chased after her as well, asking her what was wrong. She ignored both of the men and just kept walking as fast as she could. As soon as she made it outside the store, she broke into a run across the parking lot to her car, leaving both Brian and Eddie just outside the double doors to the store, staring after her, flabbergasted.

***

Chapter 28

Bianca whipped her car out of its parking space and raced out of the parking lot so fast her tires squealed and a horn honked at her. Ignoring it, she pulled onto the highway and drove, accelerating to past the speed limit. As soon as she could, she turned off the highway onto one of the back roads, the same one she had gotten a flat tire on a month earlier, when she had had to call Howie to come help her.

As she turned, she noticed the car behind her turn as well. It looked like a rental car from the license plate. Taking her eyes away from the rearview mirror, Bianca focused on the road again, taking the zig-zagging turns with less care than usual. Her anger had faded some, but she was still upset. How could Brian do this to her? She had always thought Brian to be so sweet and compassionate. He loved to joke around and play tricks on people, he and Nick together, but this didn’t seem like the sort of joke he would play. She supposed she had judged him wrong. He wasn’t the sweetheart she thought he was.

Reflexively, Bianca glanced up into the rearview mirror again. She saw that the rental car was still behind her, tailgating her. She glared into the mirror at it and tapped her brakes, just to mess with the driver a little. She normally did not play games with tailgaters, for she was afraid of some road-rage-driven lunatic ramming her car off the road or something equally frightening. But today, she was in no mood to be toyed with. Seeing that the other car did not back off, she put on the brakes again, harder this time, causing the other driver to slam on his to avoid rear-ending her. Smiling in satisfaction, she accelerated again, bringing her car to a good ten or fifteen mph above the speed limit, hoping to leave the other car behind.

No such luck.

In a moment, it was behind her again, tailgating her even more.

“Back off, asshole, I’m in no mood,” Bianca muttered, tapping her brakes again.

Now, suddenly, the other car crossed the double yellow lines in the middle of the road and got into the other lane. Bianca watched it out of the side mirror with wide eyes. She could see the outline of the driver, but was unable to make out his face.

“What the hell are you doing?” she mumbled, still watching. “It’s a no passing zone, idiot!” She half hoped another car would come in the opposite direction, just to scare the crap out of the other driver, but then there would be either a head-on collision, or the other car would swerve to the right… exactly where her car was positioned.

With an annoyed sigh, Bianca took her foot off the accelerator and let her car slow down so that the other car could pass her. But it didn’t. It slowed down too, so that it was right beside her. She could see it out of the corner of her eyes, but she did not look at it. Instead, she kept her eyes fixed on the road in front of her.

“Oh God, oh God,” she whispered, her anger gone, replaced by fear. This car was following her. What was it going to do? Run her off the road? She debated quickly in her head about what to do – put on the brakes and slow down more, or accelerate and try to leave it behind? All she knew was she didn’t want it right there beside her. She opted for the brakes first, deciding that was safer, but as soon as she put on her brakes, so did the other car. So, her heart pounding rapidly inside her chest, Bianca gunned the engine, pressing the accelerator to the floor, watching as the needle on the speedometer crept up. 40… 45… 50… the other car was accelerating now too… 60… 65…

“Oh God, oh God,” came the whispery chant. “Leave me alone!”

She was going seventy now, whipping around curves, terrified she was going to skid straight into one of the guardrails, terrified the other car was going to try to ram her, terrified another car was going to come at them from the opposite direction. But there were no other cars around, nothing coming in either direction. It was a relief… but it also unnerved her. There was no one around to help her.

They were coming up to Winnopega Lake now, she could see it up ahead on the right side. The road curved around it, and if she went off the road now, she’d go straight into the water. There were guardrails of course, but could they withstand the impact of a car going seventy?

Scared out of her wits by now, Bianca took her foot off the accelerator. The other car slowed again too. Her speed began to drop… 65… 60… and that was when the other car started to drift into her lane. She laid on her horn, edging her car as close to the narrow median as she could. The other car continued into her lane as if she were not even there. Her car crossed the white line on the side of the road, inching into the median, closer and closer to the guardrail.

Suddenly, the other car sped up and swerved into her lane, nearly sideswiping her. Bianca slammed on her brakes so hard that her car suddenly began to skid. She tried to turn into the skid as she had been taught, but the car was out of control. Before she could get herself back on the road, the car slammed hard into the guardrail. Her whole body was thrust forward. The airbag popped out, stinging her face. She screamed out in pain, her voice muffled by the airbag, as the seatbelt dug into her stomach and chest, taking her breath away. And then, everything came to an abrupt stop, the car, the forward motion of her body, her scream… the only thing still going was her heart, pummeling erratically against her ribs.

The airbag had cushioned her head and protected it from hitting the steering wheel, but it did little for the rest of her body. Her stomach and chest burned with fiery pain from the impact of the seatbelt retraining her. She couldn’t see with the airbag in her face, and she felt trapped. She squirmed claustrophobically, trying to push the airbag away, but it only aggravated her torso more. Panic set in, and her breathing grew even more rapid and uneven.

Where was the other car? she wondered vaguely. The other driver? Was he coming for her? If so, to help her… or to hurt her further?

She began to feel dizzy and even more panicky, and then, the black army of unconsciousness began to close in on her, invading from the corners of her eyes and trying to conquer over her. She fought it at first, but finally, it surrounded her. Powerless to stop it, she let her body surrender.

***

The other car had stopped a few yards from the spot where Bianca’s car had smashed into the guardrail. Now the driver, clad in a baseball cap and sunglasses and carrying a small bag, stepped out of the car, stopping to make sure no cars were coming down the road, then walking up to Bianca’s car.

The driver peeked cautiously through the passenger side window. There was Bianca, slumped back against the driver’s seat, her head hanging to one side, unconscious. The driver smiled in relief and tugged on the passenger side door. Luckily, it was not locked, nor jammed, and it opened with ease. The driver climbed into the car. Reaching into the small bag, the driver pulled out a syringe. It was already filled with something. Quickly and efficiently, the driver held up the syringe, plunged it into Bianca’s right arm, and pushed down the stopper.

Then the passenger door opened again. Satisfied, the driver climbed out, carrying the small bag with the syringe inside it, and walked back to the other car. The driver climbed inside, started the engine, and pulled a quick U-turn. Then the rental car disappeared around a corner, the driver sure that no one had been around to see what had just gone on.

But the driver was wrong. For there was someone there, peeking through the trees surrounding the lake. And that person had seen the whole thing.

***

Chapter 29

AJ let out a mournful sigh.

Looking over at him, Lindy rolled her eyes. “Are we having a pity party?” she asked.

AJ glared at her. “Shut up,” he muttered softly.

“Oh, come on, don’t give up now. She’ll believe you sometime. She just needs time,” Lindy said.

The two of them had just come from Brian’s hotel room, where they had waited for Brian to come back from Barnes and Noble. He had and had given AJ the bad news – Bianca hadn’t believed it. Even worse, she had accused Brian of being the one behind AJ’s letters and stormed out of the store in a rage. AJ wasn’t sure where she had gone, but he knew it wasn’t home, for that’s where he and Lindy were now, and there was no sign of Bianca.

“I’ve given her time,” said AJ. “I’ve tried over and over. I really thought this would work. I really thought she’d believe it, coming from Brian. He wouldn’t joke about something like this. I thought she knew that.”

“She’ll come around.”

“Yeah, maybe,” AJ said dully.

“Well, it’s not going to do any good to sit here and mope about it,” said Lindy. “Let’s do something.”

AJ glared at her again. “Thanks for your sympathy and understanding,” he said sarcastically.

“Sorry,” Lindy said, unapologetically. “Honestly, I’ve never been much of the sympathy type. Life’s tough – deal with it. That’s my motto.”

“How sad.”

“Yeah, I know. You can blame my father for that one. And my mother, come to think of it. You can blame my whole fu-… erm… screwed up family.”

AJ studied her face, which had suddenly turned angry and bitter-looking. He had never heard Lindy talk about her family or any other part of her life. Interested, he asked, “Why? What did they do?”

“What didn’t they do?” Lindy scoffed. “They fu-… screwed me up, that’s what they did.”

“How?” AJ pressed.

“My dad started it. He was a crackhead. My mom thought he had stopped when she married him, but he hadn’t. He kept the drug habit going all the way through my childhood and finally got us so damn deep into debt that we had to give up our house and move to this crap-ass apartment. My dad left after that, ran out on my mom and me. She was pretty upset after that. She still loved him, ya know. I really can’t say why, but she loved him, even with the crack. She started drinking after he left. Made life even more of a hell for me. And that’s basically it. My shitty little life story.”

So much for “correcting her potty mouth”, as she had told him she was trying to do the first time he met her. Lindy hadn’t been exactly warm and friendly to him then, but in the month he had known her, she had become much nicer, and he had grown to think of her as a good friend of his – the only friend he had in this world, the angel world. But now the Lindy he had come to know had vanished and was replaced with a bitter, angry teenage girl.

“I’m sorry,” AJ whispered. “If it helps any, my dad left when I was really little, so my mom and I were alone too. Only she didn’t drink. But I used to, so I can relate to that too.”

“Yeah, you’re also a multi-millionaire famous celebrity,” Lindy said with resentment. “You’ve had it real rough.”

“Was,” AJ corrected. “I was a multi-millionaire famous celebrity. Now I’m dead.”

“Whatever,” Lindy said with a roll of her eyes.

“So, did you not have a very good relationship with your mom?” AJ asked.

“No. At the time of my death, I hated her,” said Lindy.

“Do you still hate her?”

Lindy shrugged. “I don’t know. I haven’t really thought about it.”

“Well, I’m sure she didn’t hate you.”

“She sure didn’t love me. She didn’t act like it anyway.”

“And I’m sure she’s sorry for that now,” said AJ.

Lindy snorted. “Sure.”

“Have you ever gone to visit your mom? Since your… you know.”

Lindy made a face. “No. Why would I want to do that?”

“I dunno,” AJ said with a shrug. “We should go now. It’d give us something to do. That’s what you wanted, right? Something to do?”

Lindy frowned at him for a moment, but then, slowly, her frown faded. “Well… okay…” she said finally. “Guess it would be interesting. I mean, I don’t even know if the woman’s still alive. Probably drank herself to death by now.”

“Alright then. Let’s go,” said AJ. “You lead the way.”

“Fine.” Lindy took his hand, and they both closed their eyes. As Lindy concentrated on the place that had once been her home, AJ felt them both fading away…

***

They reappeared in front of an old, rundown-looking apartment building.

“Ahh, home sweet home,” Lindy said, her voice dripping with sarcasm. “Come on, our apartment’s on the second floor.” She led him up the crumbling cement steps and into the building. They took a flight of rickety stairs to the second floor, then to the third, then the fourth, and finally reached the top floor, the fifth floor. They then walked down a short, narrow hallway, and stopped outside a dark wooden door.

“Here we are!” Lindy announced with mock happiness. Then she walked through the door. AJ followed.

On the other side of the door, he found himself in a tiny living room and kitchen in one. The kitchen sink imbedded in one short counter was heaped with dirty dishes. The tiled floor looked grimy with dirt and stains. In the corner of the living room section, a big old TV was blaring the Home Shopping Network. An old, sagging couch sat in front of the TV, a coffee table stacked with old magazines in between. Heavy drapes, once white, now gray with layers of dust, hung over the small windows, blocking all sunlight. There was a tiny hallway – if you could even call it that – that connected to the living room with the rooms behind three closed doors – the bathroom and a couple bedrooms, AJ assumed.

“Nice place, huh?” Lindy commented sarcastically, looking around the dilapidated apartment. “Looks even worse than when I died.”

AJ had come further into the room and sat down on the couch, making himself at home. He leaned forward to inspect the magazines on the coffee table. That’s when he saw the picture. Lying on the top of one of the piles of magazines was a framed photo of a grinning little girl, her hair in pigtails, her two front teeth missing. She looked no older than six or seven. Turning around, AJ studied Lindy a moment. Same gray eyes, same ash blonde hair as the little girl in the picture.

“You?” he asked, solidifying his right hand to hold up the picture for her to see. As he picked up the frame, several shards of broken glass came tumbling out, and he realized the glass piece covering the photograph was broken, as if it had been dropped… or thrown.

“Yeah,” said Lindy. “I think that was my first grade school pic. Cute, wasn’t I?” Her voice was flat and emotionless.

“Lindy?” AJ said, frowning slightly.

“Yeah?”

AJ took a deep breath, about to ask a question he had been wanted to ask her for some time now. “How did you die?”

There was a pause. Lindy pressed her lips together in thought for a moment, then walked up to AJ. Very slowly, she pushed up the sleeves of the sweatshirt she had been wearing ever since he had known her, the sweatshirt she must have died in. Then she turned her arms so that the undersides were facing up and held them out to AJ. For a moment, he was confused, but then he saw them. The scars. Thick, red scars going up her wrists, right where her veins would be.

He stared up at her in shock. “You… you slit your wrists? You killed yourself?” he asked, his voice a hoarse whisper.

Lindy nodded wordlessly.

AJ wanted to ask her why, but he did not. Looking around her mother’s apartment, he already knew why. “I’m sorry,” he said softly.

“It’s not your fault.”

“Where’s your mom?”

Lindy cocked her head at him, caught off by his sudden change of topic. Shrugging, she replied, “I dunno. Probably passed out drunk in her bedroom.”

“This early in the morning?”

Lindy shrugged again and left the living room, going down the tiny hall and slipping through the door to the left. AJ hung back, feeling suddenly like a trespasser, an intruder. But then he heard Lindy’s horrified scream.

“Momma!”

***

Chapter 30

When AJ passed through the door and into the bedroom, he was greeted with a chilling sight. The small bedroom reeked of alcohol and cigarette smoke. He could see masses of beer cans littering the night stand and dresser. The window was open, letting a cool breeze into the room to air it out. And straddling the windowsill, hanging halfway out, looking ready to fall or jump at any moment, was a woman.

“AJ!” Lindy cried, turning to him in horror. “It’s Momma; she’s going to jump!” She was hysterical, and AJ felt her terror. What could either of them do? Lindy’s mother could not see or hear them. How could they stop her?

AJ could hear Lindy’s mother now, mumbling something incomprehensible and crying - heavy, drunken, racking sobs. “No more,” he heard her slur. “No more…”

“Momma, please,” Lindy whimpered, walking cautiously over to the window. AJ hung back, watching the woman carefully. There was no reaction from her, even when Lindy was just feet away. She clearly was not a Believer.

A tense minute passed, Lindy’s mother continuing to cry, her tears dripping from her face and falling five stories to the ground below. And then, without warning, she swung her other leg over the windowsill, let go of her grip on the side of the window, and toppled forward with a drunken scream.

Lindy screamed too, her shrill voice blending with her mother’s. While AJ watched in horror, Lindy bounded forward, reached out… and grabbed one of her mother’s flailing arms.

AJ thought at first that Lindy would surely be pulled right over the sill with her mother – after all, the older woman was taller and all-around bigger than her daughter. There was no way Lindy could hold her back. But AJ did not know the true capabilities of an angel, the special powers an angel is given for completing her mission. He watched in astonishment, as Lindy planted her feet firmly on the ground and, with superhuman strength, began to pull her mother back up.

Within seconds, the woman’s body was crawling weakly back over the windowsill. Sobbing, shaking, gasping, Lindy’s mother collapsed to the bedroom floor. “Lindy!” she cried out. “Melinda!”

“Right here, Momma,” Lindy whispered. “I’m right here.”

She said the words aloud, but she was also thinking them, and just as Brian and AJ had connected and communicated in their minds to one another, Lindy and her mother were able to read each other’s thoughts as well.

Slowly, her mother looked up, up from the floor, up to her daughter’s face. AJ watched the two of them closely, assuming Lindy’s mother was only seeing her light, just the vague light shape Brian had seen.

“Lindy,” whispered the trembling woman. “H-how can… ? You… you’re dead!”

“I’m an angel, Momma,” Lindy said calmly. “And I know why now. I’m here to save you. That was my mission. It’s not your time to die now, Momma. You can’t try to take your own life. It’s not your time yet.”

“Melinda… I love you, baby… I love you so much… I know it didn’t seem like it… I know I was a horrible mother…”

“I know you love me, Momma. I know that now. And I’m sorry,” Lindy whispered. “You’re not a horrible mother. You did the best you could.”

And then something miraculous happened. AJ, who was so sure that it was just Lindy’s silvery light her mother was seeing, watched as the tearful woman reached out a trembling hand towards Lindy. Lindy reached back. And then, with a burst of silver light, their hands touched. Lindy opened her arms wide and pulled her sobbing mother into them… and their bodies did not pass through each other. Somehow, in some way, Lindy had become solid. And now AJ was sure that her mother was not just seeing her light… but her, her in her solid, human form.

They hugged for a long time, clinging to each other, both crying. AJ, feeling again like an intruder, slowly backed away and slipped out of the room. He walked slowly back to the living room and sat down on the couch, feeling a little shaky himself. What he had just seen went against everything he had learned from Lindy, that angels can not solidify their whole bodies at one time, that angels cannot be seen, except as a light…

He was not sure exactly how long he sat there, dazed and confused, but eventually, Lindy reappeared in the living room, alone.

“Where is she?” AJ asked.

“Crying in her room. Only it’s happy crying this time,” Lindy said softly, glancing down the hall towards the bedroom.

“Lindy… what just happened in there?”

“That was my mission, AJ,” she said. “To save my mother from ending her life like I ended mine. She’s gotten much worse over the pat year, and it’s because of me. I caused her so much pain… I had to fix it. Now she knows I’m okay and that I’m watching over her. She knows it’s okay to go on living.”

“Okay… but, Lindy, h-how did you manage to pull her back inside? And how did you get your whole body solid? How could she hug you? How could she see you?”

“I don’t really know…” Lindy whispered, a dreamy expression crossing her face. “All I know is that I’ve changed… and I think it’s because this is the end…”

“The end?”

“The end of this… phase. I completed my mission, AJ. You know what that means.”

The realization hit AJ like a dead weight. “You’re leaving,” he said dully. “You’re going to Heaven now.”

“Yeah, I think so.”

AJ sighed. He should have known this moment would be coming. Lindy had been dead over a year; of course she was going to complete her mission before him. Of course she was going to go to Heaven before him. Of course she was going to leave him behind…

“I’ll miss you,” he admitted, smiling sheepishly.

Lindy snickered and opened her mouth as if to make some rude, sarcastic comment, but then she stopped. A smile came over her face instead, a genuine smile. “I’ll miss you too,” she said softly, almost shyly.

AJ started to ask when exactly she’d be going… but before he could get the question out, it was answered for him. All of a sudden, the dim room was bathed in light… a very bright, white light. It seemed to be coming from an invisible hole in the ceiling, shining down on them… shining down on Lindy.

“Is that it?” AJ whispered, looking up.

“I think so. I have to go now, AJ,” Lindy said, her voice quiet and serene. “I’ll see you in Heaven.”

“Lindy, wait a minute,” AJ said, suddenly feeling panicked. What about his mission? He still didn’t know what it was. How was he ever going to complete it without her help? There was still so much he didn’t know… “Lindy, I need you!”

“You’ll be fine, AJ. Trust me.” Lindy smiled at him. “Watch your stalker tendencies now. And good luck getting in touch with Bianca. I know you’ll do it sooner or later.”

“No, Lindy, I-“

“Goodbye, AJ.”

With that, Lindy positioned herself in the very center of the ring of white light and looked heavenward. As AJ gave a resigned “Goodbye,” her whole body lifted off the ground and seemed to float up towards the ceiling, caught in the light. And as it did, it faded, until the light seemed to suck her up, and he could see her no more. And then, suddenly, the light vanished.

***

Chapter 31

Bianca awoke extremely disoriented. Looking around, she found herself in an unfamiliar room, decorated in white and shades of unappealing mint green. It took her a few minutes to realize she was in a hospital room, lying in a hospital bed, the head part raised up slightly, the sides lifted to hold her in, like a crib. There was an IV running into the back of her left hand, and something – an oxygen tube, she assumed – going into her nostrils.

The first question on her mind was, What the hell happened to me?

She tried desperately to think, but her brain felt foggy and muddled. The last thing she could remember was fighting with Brian and leaving work. Brian was probably pissed at her. So was her boss, she was sure. But those things were the least of her concern. She was confused and frightened and frantically wanting to know why she was here. What had happened to her? What was wrong with her?

Bianca tried to pull herself into more of a sitting position… and was immediately greeted with pain in her stomach and chest, so much pain that she was forced to lie back down. Her mind was racing, yet she still had no idea what had happened. Remembering where she was, she looked around and found that there was a little control lying to one side of her on the bed with buttons to control the TV and a nurse call button. She punched this right away, desperate for answers.

A nurse came to her room within five minutes, though it seemed like five hours. She was an older woman, probably around fifty, and the nametag pinned to the front pocket of her scrubs read Betsy.

“Well, nice to have you awake, sweetheart,” Betsy said, giving her a comforting smile. It did little to reassure Bianca though. Nothing would comfort her until she knew what was going on.

“What happened to me?” Bianca asked shrilly.

“It was a car accident, Miss Parker. You drove your car into a guardrail, right near Lake Winnopega. You don’t remember?”

I drove my car into a guardrail?? Bianca’s mind cried out in shock. “No…” she said softly. “The last thing I remember was leaving work…”

“Well, don’t worry. Short-term memory loss is common with this sort of thing. It’s just an affect of the drugs you took.”

“The drugs I took?” Bianca repeated, not sure she heard the nurse correctly. “What drugs?”

“There were large quantities of barbiturates found in your bloodstream on the scene of the crash,” Betsy informed her. “You don’t remember taking anything?”

“No! No, I wouldn’t do that!” Bianca cried out agitatedly.

“Shhh, relax, honey. It’s okay now, everything’s going to be fine,” Betsy said soothingly.

Bianca was not soothed. “B-but how would drugs get into my bloodstream?!” she cried. “I swear, I didn’t take anything!”

“Okay. You can tell Dr. Franklin that when he comes to talk to you later. Are you feeling okay physically? In any pain?” Betsy went on ignoring Bianca’s protests as if she could not hear her.

“My stomach,” Bianca replied resignedly. “It hurts.”

“It’s from the seat belt,” said Betsy. “There’s some bruising on your stomach and chest from the lap and shoulder belt and also on your face from the airbag. But you were lucky – no internal injuries and no broken bones.”

“Yay,” Bianca said dully.

“Is there anyone you’d like for me to call, dear?” Betsy asked, studying her with a concerned expression. “We weren’t able to track down any family members.”

“My family’s in North Carolina,” said Bianca, her voice flat.

“Any friends or anyone else I could call?”

Her first thought was of AJ – He’s dead, she thought. Her second was of Brianna – She’s in North Carolina too. Finally, she answered, “Howie. You can call Howie.”

“Howie,” Betsy repeated. “And what’s Howie’s telephone number?”

Bianca had to have Betsy dig her cell phone out of her purse, which was in a bag with her clothes under the bed – Howie’s number was in the address bank of her phone. She found the number and gave it to Betsy to copy down.

“I’ll call him for you, honey,” Betsy promised. “Now you get some rest. I’ll come back to check on you soon.”

Bianca nodded, knowing full well she would not be able to rest, and watched Betsy leave the room. She hoped Howie would come soon.

***

Half an hour later, Howie was scuttling down the hallway of the hospital. He had been called by a nurse there – Betsy something – who told him that Bianca had been involved in a car accident.

“She’s in stable condition and wanted me to call you,” the nurse had said. And that was all. Howie had tried to ask what had happened and exactly what was wrong with Bianca, but Betsy had cut him off and said she would talk to him when he got there. He had left almost immediately and was now looking for the room Betsy had said Bianca was in.

He found it – Room 219. The door was closed. Howie reached for the knob, but stopped when someone called his name.

“Howie?” A middle-aged nurse was hurrying towards him. “Are you Howie?” she asked, as she came up to him.

“Yeah,” said Howie. He looked at the nurse’s nametag and realized this was the woman he had talked to on the phone, Betsy. “This is Bianca’s room, right?”

“Yes,” said Betsy. “Are you a close friend to her?”

“Yeah, you could say that,” said Howie. “How’s she doing? And what happened, exactly?”

“Well, from what I heard from the nurses in the ER, the paramedics found her car smashed into a guardrail on Winnopega Trail, right near Lake Winnopega. There were no other cars on the scene, so it looks like it was just a one-car accident.”

“So, what, she just crashed her car into the guardrail for no reason?” Howie asked defensively.

“Well, a blood test revealed high levels of barbiturates in her bloodstream, which surely would have impaired her driving.”

Howie gaped at the nurse. “Wait… are you saying Bianca took something? Drugs?”

“According to her blood test, yes.”

Howie shook his head. “No, no, there must be some mistake. Bianca wouldn’t do that.”

“Well, you can talk to her about that if you’d like. I just wanted to fill you in on the situation before you went in there,” Betsy said calmly.

“Yeah, thanks,” Howie replied, without gratitude. Then he grasped the doorknob, turned, and hurried into the room.

***

Chapter 32

“Howie!” Bianca cried in relief when Howie came bursting into her room. “Thanks for coming.”

“No problem!” said Howie, hurrying to her bedside. He leaned forward as if to hug her, but stopped and hung back instead, looking at her in concern. “How… how are you feeling?”

“Okay. A little achy,” said Bianca. “I probably don’t look the greatest either.”

“You look fine. Bean, what happened? Did you just lose control of the car or what?” Howie stared at her, his forehead creased with perplexity. Bianca squirmed under his gaze.

“I… I don’t really know,” she said helplessly. “I don’t remember, I mean. The last thing I remember was leaving work, and then I woke up here.”

“Leaving work? Why did you leave work? I thought you said you weren’t getting off till five tonight,” said Howie, this thought just occurring to him. He remembered Bianca telling him over the phone that she was going to try to get off at five o’clock that night so they could all go out to dinner together later.

“Um… long story,” Bianca said, shifting uncomfortably again.

Howie frowned. “Bianca… uh… you didn’t… take anything, did you? At work, before you left? Or this morning before work?”

“No!” Bianca exploded. “Of course I didn’t! Did that nurse tell you I did?”

“She said that… well… that they found some… uh…”

“Drugs in my bloodstream, I know,” Bianca finished, glaring at him. “And you believed her?”

“No!” Howie exclaimed quickly. “No, not really. I just thought I’d ask you and see what you had to say about it.”

“It’s a lie, that’s what I say. A mistake in the lab or something.” Bianca stubbornly crossed her arms over her chest, then winced in pain and quickly removed them.

“That’s what I thought too,” said Howie, a little relieved, a little confused. Could the lab really have messed up? Switched Bianca’s blood sample with someone else’s, maybe? He wasn’t sure, but he was hoping that’s what had happened.

He was hoping Bianca was telling him the truth.

***

That afternoon, after Howie left, someone else came to visit Bianca, a doctor by the name of Franklin.

Dr. Franklin was a tall man with graying brown hair and a tan, lined, kind face. “Hello there, Miss Parker,” he said, shaking Bianca’s hand from her bedside.

“Bianca,” Bianca said automatically. “You can call me Bianca.”

“Alright, Bianca it is then,” the doctor said with a smile. “My name’s Dr. Franklin, and I’m from the psychiatry department here at the hospital.”

The hint of a smile that had appeared on Bianca’s lips immediately vanished. “Psychiatry department?” she repeated. “You’re a shrink then?”

“Well, we don’t use the term ‘shrink’. I’m a psychiatrist.”

“Same thing,” Bianca said flatly. “Listen, I’m not crazy or unstable, nor am I a drug addict.”

“I never said you were any of that,” Dr. Franklin said with a patient, knowing smile. “I’m just here to talk to you. You can tell me whatever you want, and it will remain strictly confidential.”

Yeah, like I’d dump all my problems on some complete stranger, Bianca thought, struggling not to roll her eyes in front of him.

Dr. Franklin looked expectantly at her for a moment or two, waiting, and when she didn’t say anything, he cleared his throat. “Okay, then. There are some things I’d like to talk to you about, if you don’t mind.”

I do mind, Bianca thought, but she gritted her teeth together and replied in a less-than-enthusiastic voice, “Sure.”

“Wonderful. Now, Nurse Betsy tells me you don’t remember much about the car accident. Is that still true?”

“Yes.”

“Okay. Perfectly fine. Now, what do you remember before the accident?”

“Leaving work. That’s the last thing I remember,” said Bianca.

“Were you upset when you left work?” asked Dr. Franklin.

Bianca narrowed her eyes at him. “Why does that matter?” she asked carefully.

“Just a question,” Dr. Franklin replied, smiling.

“Yeah, I was a little angry,” said Bianca truthfully. “So what?”

“Is there anything bad going on in your life right now? Anything been troubling you recently? Any traumatic events?”

She should have just kept her mouth shut or answered, “No.” But before she considered either of these two options, she gave him an honest answer. “Yes,” she said. “My boyfriend was killed… almost two months ago.”

“I’m so sorry,” said Dr. Franklin sympathetically. “You must be going through a horrible time right now. You miss him a lot, don’t you?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you ever think life’s not worth living without him?”

Bianca blinked at the doctor. “Excuse me?”

Dr. Franklin pursed his lips and studied her with a serious expression. “What I’m saying is… Bianca, was this a suicide attempt?”

***

Chapter 33

“What?!” Bianca cried. “You think I tried to kill myself?! What, that I… I purposely slammed my car into a guardrail?!”

“Shh, calm down, Bianca, calm down. I just had to ask you. It’s been known to happen before – people suffer tragic losses, then grow desperate, take some pills, and attempt suicide,” Dr. Franklin explained calmly.

“Well, that’s not what I did! And I didn’t take any drugs!” Bianca shouted, her face burning with anger and humiliation.

“Okay, okay, calm down,” said Dr. Franklin in a soothing tone, as if he were talking to a hyperactive five-year-old.

“I’m done talking,” Bianca announced boldly. “I want to be alone now.”

Dr. Franklin studied her in silence for a moment, his lips pressed tightly together. Finally, he gave a short nod. “Very well,” he said. “Take care, Bianca. If you’d like to talk again later, just ask Nurse Betsy, and she’ll-“

“Thank you,” Bianca said firmly, cutting him off.

Dr. Franklin gave her a dark look, but forced a pleasant smile on his face and nodded. “Goodbye then.”

“Bye.”

Then Dr. Franklin left, and the tears came.

***

While Bianca yelled at the psychiatrist at the hospital, AJ sulked around his house, thoroughly depressed. His last plan to reach Bianca had failed… and now Lindy was gone. He was all alone… except for Brian. And that just happened to be the person who had just pulled into the driveway of AJ’s (Bianca’s, technically) mansion.

AJ did not see Brian walk up to the front door, but he did hear the doorbell ring and Brian’s voice call, “AJ! You here, man?”

AJ got up and walked to the door, solidifying his hand to unlock it and open it. It was the first time he had opened a door since his death, for usually he just slid right through doors without bothering to open them. He saw Brian’s face light up with recognition as Brian glimpsed AJ’s light.

“Hey, bro,” said Brian with an awkward smile, coming into the house and shutting the door behind him. “I got something to tell you. It’s about Bianca.”

Bianca, thought AJ, matching the thought with Brian’s. A moment later, they were communicating internally.

“What about her?” AJ asked. “Did you try to talk to her again? Did she believe it?!” He grew excited at this prospect and waited eagerly for Brian’s answer.

“No,” Brian said morosely. “No, it’s not a good thing.”

“What?” AJ asked in concern.

“Um… well… Bianca’s in the hospital.”

“What?!?! What happened?!”

“You know when I said she ran out of the store and drove off after I tried to tell her about you? Well, I guess she was driving on the back roads, and she ran her car into a guardrail.”

“Oh God!” AJ gasped. “Is she-“

“She’s all right,” Brian said quickly. “Just shaken up. But there’s something else.”

“What?”

“Well, I just found out all this from Howie – he called me after he got back from visiting her in the hospital – I guess she called him to come up there-“

“Okay, okay, what is it?” AJ asked impatiently.

“Well, according to Howie, they ran a blood test on her when she was brought in and found barbiturates in her system.”

“Barbiturates? Drugs?! Bianca doesn’t take shit like that!” AJ cried indignantly.

“I know, that’s what I thought too. But… I mean… they found it in her bloodstream…”

“Well, it must be a mistake,” AJ said with the same stubbornness Bianca had spoken with earlier. “God, I really need to talk to her.”

“Try again. Keep trying, man, don’t give up yet,” Brian urged.

“What should I do this time? Write her another letter?” AJ asked with a snort of sarcastic laughter.

“Well… maybe,” Brian said seriously. “If you do, write something really personal in there, something that will make her realize it’s got to be you.”

“Like what?”

“Well… I don’t know… think of a memory you have of the two of you together… like something you did when it was just the two of you, no one else… or some inside joke you have together… just anything that no one else would know about, not even me or one of the other guys.”

“Yeah…” said AJ, already deep in thought. “Perfect.”

***

Bianca lay crying and miserable in her hospital bed, upset and humiliated by the realization that everyone seemed to think she had tried to kill herself. Well, not everyone exactly, but if Dr. Franklin thought that, it seemed likely that other people would too. If the press got wind of that, it would be disastrous for her. She could imagine the news reports now: Bianca Parker, stricken with grief after the death of her boyfriend, the late Backstreet Boy AJ McLean, attempted suicide this Thursday. Coincidentally, this would had been McLean’s twenty-fifth birthday…

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door.

“Uh… just a minute!” Bianca called weakly, furiously wiping her eyes before saying, “Come in.”

The door opened, and in walked the last person Bianca felt like seeing (besides Dr. Franklin or Nurse Betsy) – Brian.

“Hey, Bean,” he said gently, giving her a tentative smile.

“Hi.”

She expected Brian to make some sort of apology – after all, that was why he had come, right? But he didn’t. Instead, he handed her a small envelope – a “get well soon” card, she assumed.

“This isn't from me,” he told her, and that was all he said.

“Who’s it from then? AJ?” Bianca asked sarcastically.

“Just open it.”

Bianca rolled her eyes but obediently tore open the envelope. A small piece of paper fell out; she recognized it as one of her own sheets of stationary. Her eyes narrowed at Brian, and she was about to question him, then decided against it until she had read whatever the paper said. She unfolded the paper and let her eyes travel over the message written on it. She recognized the shaky, forged “AJ” handwriting and frowned. Part of her wanted to just crumple the paper up into a little ball and hurl it right at Brian’s head, but she was too curious to do that without at least reading it first. So she did. It was different from the other messages from “AJ” she had gotten. It was not exactly a letter, but… lyrics.

When you walk through a storm
Hold your head up high
And don’t be afraid of the dark
At the end of the storm
Is a golden sky
And the sweet silver song of a lark

Walk on through the wind
Walk on through the rain
Tho’ your dreams be tossed and blown
Walk on, walk on
With hope in your heart
And you’ll never walk alone
You’ll never walk alone

A lump rose in Bianca’s throat. It was “You’ll Never Walk Alone”, from Carousel, one of her favorite musicals. And below the lyrics, there was a short message.

Bean,

Remember that day on the tour bus? When we were singing this song together? We could star in our own musical, right? We could randomly break out into song, and all the people around us could start singing the background vocals and dancing, right?

Okay, I know this is gonna sound cheesy, but here goes: Bianca, you’ll never walk alone. I’m here with you, here by your side. You just have to believe. Believe, and you’ll be able to see me and talk to me like Brian can. Please believe…

Your angelic co-star wannabe,

AJ

Bianca stared at the words, reading them over and over again. And then a memory came to her.

“Oh, it’s Carousel, Aje! Remember when we went to see that?”

“Yup,” he said with a grin. He began to hum “You’ll Never Walk Alone,” one of the classic songs from the musical.

“When you walk through a storm, hold your head up high…” Bianca sang softly.

“And don’t be afraid of the dark,” AJ joined in, smiling at her.

“At the end of the road is a golden sky-“

“And the sweet silver song of a lark…”

The couple looked at each other for a moment, then burst out laughing. “Damn, Aje, we could star in our own musical,” Bianca commented, giggling.

“Or we could just pretend our life is a living musical. And then we could, you know, randomly break out into song and everything, and all the people around us could start singing the background vocals and dancing…”

Tears filled Bianca’s eyes, and her hands began to shake. She looked up at Brian. “It’s… it’s true.”

***

Chapter 34

A mixture of relief and joy washed over Brian’s face. “Yes,” he whispered. “It’s true. Look – behind me.”

With a puzzled frown, Bianca’s gaze flickered from Brian’s face to a spot beyond where he was standing at the foot of her bed… and that’s when she was it. “It” was an eerie sort of goldish light… not light like from a lamp or the sun, but… a different sort of light. It hovered above the floor a few feet behind Brian, and it seemed to have a shape, sort of tallish and narrowish. She knew at once, by instinct, that this light was not an “it” at all… it was AJ.

Bianca blinked in amazement, trying to find her voice. It seemed to be locked in her throat, unable to come out. Finally, swallowing hard, she stared into the Gold Light and asked in a hoarse whisper, “AJ? Is… is that you?”

Slowly, the Light floated towards her, stopping right beside her bed. Her heart thudded swiftly in her chest, but not out of fright or nervousness. She did not fear the Light in the least; in fact, the closer she was to it, the calmer and more content she felt. “AJ,” she said, her voice stronger now, more sure. A trembly, fluttery feeling came over her, and with one hand, she reached out to the Light, terrified it would suddenly vanish, as if it had only been an illusion, a mirage.

Her hand passed right through the light, and for a moment, she had the feeling of being in one of those 3D theaters they had at theme parks and reaching out to touch some three-dimensional object that was not really there. But unlike that, she knew the Light, although not solid, was really there. It was really AJ.

“C-can you talk to me?” she asked, her voice shaking despite herself. “I want to talk to you.” Her voice suddenly sounded like that of a little girl’s, wistful and longing.

And suddenly, she heard him. His voice echoed in her brain as if it were coming from inside her. “I’m here, Bean,” he said.

Without warning, Bianca burst into tears. “AJ!” she sobbed out loud. “It is you, AJ, it really is you!”

From the foot of the bed, Brian smiled. “It’s about time,” he said quietly, more to himself than to anyone else. Then he backed slowly out of the room. Neither Bianca or AJ really noticed he had gone.

“I love you, Bianca,” came AJ’s voice again.

“I love you, too!” Bianca cried out. Then, suddenly, out of nowhere, she wondered vaguely what the hospital staff would think if they heard her. They would think she was talking to herself; they would think she was not only suicidal, but completely insane.

From within her, AJ laughed. The sound was thrilling and enthralling to her; oh, how she had missed his laugh. “You don’t have to say things out loud if you don’t want to,” he said. “You can just think them, and I’ll hear them.”

“You can hear my thoughts?” Bianca asked, thinking the words rather than saying them.

“Some of them,” replied AJ. Before she could say – or think – anything else, he went on seriously, “Bianca… the drugs… what were you doing?”

On the outside, Bianca’s eyes widened in shock. On the inside, she said, “How did you know about that?”

“Brian. So you really did take them then?”

“No! No, I didn’t!” Bianca cried. “I have no idea how they got in my bloodstream… if it’s really true.”

“So you didn’t try to… to kill yourself?”

“No, of course not!”

AJ sagged in relief. He should have known she wouldn’t do such a thing – actually, he did know that, deep down… but he had just had to ask. “Thank God,” he said. “But… about this accident… what happened, Bean? How did you lose control of the car like that?”

Bianca bit her lip. “That’s just it – I don’t remember! I don’t even remember driving on that road! All I remember is leaving the store and then waking up here.” She had no recollection of the other car following her, chasing her, forcing her off the road and into the guardrail. It was as if the event had been blocked from her mind.

AJ wondered – carefully, so that she could not read his thoughts back – if maybe Bianca had taken the drugs herself at some point. There was a whole period of time she could not remember – hell, anything could have happened then. But then again, where would she have gotten the drugs? And why would she have taken them? Because she was upset, he told himself. But there was no reason for her to be upset now – now that she knew he was there – so he decided not to worry about it anymore. He would watch her more carefully now, stay by her side, so that nothing could hurt her again… not even herself.

***

“… Yes, indeed, Phil, it seems the Smiley Face Killer has killed again. I’m here at Winnopega Lake on the outskirts of Orlando, Florida, where the body of the serial killer’s sixth victim, twenty-two-year-old Vanessa Burton, was recovered early this morning. Burton is the second victim to be found in this area. You might remember the remains of the killer’s fourth victim, Becky Cooper, was also found near the lake…”

Bianca shut off the evening news with the click of her remote, disgusted with hearing about the Smiley Face Killer. When are they going to catch this psycho? she wondered. It really didn’t matter to her as much now though, for the Smiley Face Killer hadn’t killed AJ after all. Someone else had… but who? It was a question that continued to plague her, especially since AJ told her he hadn’t seen his murderer’s face.

It was the following evening, a Friday night. Bianca had been discharged from the hospital that morning and had been sent home with a bruised and aching chest and stomach, but nothing worse than that. She figured she had come out of the crash lucky. She only wished she knew what had happened… the whole period between leaving work and waking up in the hospital was still a blur to her.

“Why can’t I remember?” she muttered out loud, running her hands through her hair in frustration. “Was it the supposed drugs?”

“Must be,” said a voice in her head. AJ’s voice. Breaking into a smile, she turned and found him – his light – sitting beside her on the couch.

“AJ!” she cried internally.

“You might want to start getting ready,” said AJ. “Aren’t we supposed to meet the group at 6:00?”

“We? You’re going too?”

“Sure, why not? Only you and Rok will know I’m there, but there sure ain’t much else to do. Especially with Lindy gone.”

Bianca heard a hint of sadness in his voice. He had explained to her about Lindy during their long mental conversation the day before. He sounded lonely to her, and she couldn’t blame him. She felt guilty for not believing his messages, for not believing in his existence earlier. But that was past them now. Now they were together again… sort of. It was not the same as it had been; it never would be. But it was better than nothing. Bianca was happy now, for the first time in almost two months. But her happiness would not last long. In fact, very soon, her happiness would turn to terror.

***

Chapter 35

Bianca left her house at twenty till six. She was going to dinner with Brian, Leighanne, Howie, Krystle, Kevin, Kristin, and Nick. They were supposed to have met for dinner the night before, but had decided to push it back a night because Bianca was still in the hospital for observation. Tonight was Brian and Kevin’s last night in Florida; the following morning, they and their wives would be flying home.

Bianca started her car, then looked over into the passenger seat and giggled. There was the Gold Light, shimmering in the seat.

“You don’t really have to travel by car, do you, AJ?” she asked him mentally.

“No,” AJ laughed. “But this way, I can be by your side the whole way there.”

“Aww… that’s so cheesy, AJ.”

“Hey!”

Bianca laughed out loud and pulled her car out of the long driveway. She stopped at the end, put the car in park, and got out. She walked to the mailbox, remembering she had forgotten to bring in the mail that afternoon. She retrieved the stack of envelopes from the mailbox and got back in the car, pausing to sort quickly through them. Bill, bill, junk mail, bill, catalogue… and a letter. Addressed to her in bold block letters. No return address. Curiously, she tossed the other mail over her shoulder into the backseat and tore open the last envelope.

There was only one thing inside, and it wasn’t a letter after all. It was a picture, printed off the computer on plain white typing paper. The picture was a recent one, taken just days before AJ’s death, right before the start of the tour. It was of all five Backstreet Boys and their women – AJ and Bianca, Howie and Krystle, Brian and Leighanne, Kevin and Kristin, and… Nick. Bianca saw herself standing in the front, AJ behind her, his arms wrapped around her waist. She was smiling widely, her face radiant. But AJ’s face… AJ’s face was not even there. It was hidden, covered up by a small, yellow sticker.

A happy face sticker.

***

“I don’t get it,” Bianca said to AJ as she drove to the restaurant where they had decided to meet. “Why a happy face sticker? We already know whoever kil-… did it… wasn’t the Smiley Face Killer. And why now, almost two months later?”

“I have no idea,” AJ replied. They were discussing, of course, the picture with the sticker over AJ’s face. What was the significance of it?

“Should we tell anyone?” Bianca asked, pulling into the restaurant parking lot. “Howie or Brian or anybody?”

AJ considered this for a moment. Then he said, “No. What’s the point in saying anything? We don’t know why somebody sent you that, so why even bring it up to them? It’s probably nothing.”

Bianca nodded, parking the car and shutting off the ignition. She unbuckled, threw open her car door, grabbed her purse, and got out, locking the doors behind her. Then she walked into the restaurant, AJ’s shimmering golden figure trailing behind her.

***

“It was great to see you again, guys,” Bianca said, hugging Leighanne, then Kristin, then Kevin, and finally Brian. She held on to Brian for a bit longer than she had the others, and he gave her a quick wink as she finally pulled away.

The eightsome had enjoyed their dinner together, talking for over two hours in the private party room they had reserved in the restaurant. Now it was dark outside, and they were saying their final goodbyes to Brian and Leighanne and Kevin and Kristin, who would be leaving early the next morning.

“Well, we’re gonna head back to the hotel,” said Kevin, putting an arm around Kristin’s waist. “Bean, take care of yourself.”

Bianca smiled. “You too.”

Kevin and Kristin said goodbye to the others and walked out into the parking lot. While Brian and Leighanne got ready to leave as well, Bianca glanced up in time to see Kevin and Kristin drive away in their rented green BMW.

***

Bianca whipped her car out of its parking space and raced out of the parking lot so fast her tires squealed and a horn honked at her. Ignoring it, she pulled onto the highway and drove, accelerating to past the speed limit. As soon as she could, she turned off the highway onto one of the back roads, the same one she had gotten a flat tire on a month earlier, when she had had to call Howie to come help her.

As she turned, she noticed the car behind her turn as well. It was a dark green color and looked like a rental car from the license plate. Taking her eyes away from the rearview mirror, Bianca focused on the road again, taking the zig-zagging turns with less care than usual. Her anger had faded some, but she was still upset. How could Brian do this to her? She had always thought Brian to be so sweet and compassionate. He loved to joke around and play tricks on people, he and Nick together, but this didn’t seem like the sort of joke he would play. She supposed she had judged him wrong. He wasn’t the sweetheart she thought he was.

Reflexively, Bianca glanced up into the rearview mirror again. She saw that the rental car was still behind her, tailgating her. She glared into the mirror at it and tapped her brakes, just to mess with the driver a little. She normally did not play games with tailgaters, for she was afraid of some road-rage-driven lunatic ramming her car off the road or something equally frightening. But today, she was in no mood to be toyed with. Seeing that the other car did not back off, she put on the brakes again, harder this time, causing the other driver to slam on his to avoid rear-ending her. Smiling in satisfaction, she accelerated again, bringing her car to a good ten or fifteen mph above the speed limit, hoping to leave the other car behind.

No such luck.

In a moment, it was behind her again, tailgating her even more.

“Back off, asshole, I’m in no mood,” Bianca muttered, tapping her brakes again.

Now, suddenly, the other car crossed the double yellow lines in the middle of the road and got into the other lane. Bianca watched it out of the side mirror with wide eyes. She could see the outline of the driver, but was unable to make out his face.

“What the hell are you doing?” she mumbled, still watching. “It’s a no passing zone, idiot!” She half hoped another car would come in the opposite direction, just to scare the crap out of the other driver, but then there would be either a head-on collision, or the other car would swerve to the right… exactly where her car was positioned.

With an annoyed sigh, Bianca took her foot off the accelerator and let her car slow down so that the other car could pass her. But it didn’t. It slowed down too, so that it was right beside her. She could see it out of the corner of her eyes, but she did not look at it. Instead, she kept her eyes fixed on the road in front of her.

“Oh God, oh God,” she whispered, her anger gone, replaced by fear. This car was following her. What was it going to do? Run her off the road? She debated quickly in her head about what to do – put on the brakes and slow down more, or accelerate and try to leave it behind? All she knew was she didn’t want it right there beside her. She opted for the brakes first, deciding that was safer, but as soon as she put on her brakes, so did the other car. So, her heart pounding rapidly inside her chest, Bianca gunned the engine, pressing the accelerator to the floor, watching as the needle on the speedometer crept up. 40… 45… 50… the other car was accelerating now too… 60… 65…

“Oh God, oh God,” came the whispery chant. “Leave me alone!”

She was going seventy now, whipping around curves, terrified she was going to skid straight into one of the guardrails, terrified the other car was going to try to ram her, terrified another car was going to come at them from the opposite direction. But there were no other cars around, nothing coming in either direction. It was a relief… but it also unnerved her. There was no one around to help her.

They were coming up to Winnopega Lake now, she could see it up ahead on the right side. The road curved around it, and if she went off the road now, she’d go straight into the water. There were guardrails of course, but could they withstand the impact of a car going seventy?

Scared out of her wits by now, Bianca took her foot off the accelerator. The other car slowed again too. Her speed began to drop… 65… 60… and that was when the other car started to drift into her lane. She laid on her horn, edging her car as close to the narrow median as she could. The other car continued into her lane as if she were not even there. Her car crossed the white line on the side of the road, inching into the median, closer and closer to the guardrail.

Suddenly, the other car sped up and swerved into her lane, nearly sideswiping her. Bianca slammed on her brakes so hard that her car suddenly began to skid. She tried to turn into the skid as she had been taught, but the car was out of control. Before she could get herself back on the road, the car slammed hard into the guardrail. Her whole body was thrust forward. The airbag popped out, stinging her face. She screamed out in pain, her voice muffled by the airbag, as the seatbelt dug into her stomach and chest, taking her breath away. And then, everything came to an abrupt stop, the car, the forward motion of her body, her scream… the only thing still going was her heart, pummeling erratically against her ribs.

The airbag had cushioned her head and protected it from hitting the steering wheel, but it did little for the rest of her body. Her stomach and chest burned with fiery pain from the impact of the seatbelt retraining her. She couldn’t see with the airbag in her face, and she felt trapped. She squirmed claustrophobically, trying to push the airbag away, but it only aggravated her torso more. Panic set in, and her breathing grew even more rapid and uneven.

Where was the other car? she wondered vaguely. The other driver? Was he coming for her? If so, to help her… or to hurt her further?

She began to feel dizzy and even more panicky, and then, the black army of unconsciousness began to close in on her, invading from the corners of her eyes and trying to conquer over her. She fought it at first, but finally, it surrounded her. Powerless to stop it, she let her body surrender…

Bianca awoke with a start and found herself in bed, in the darkness of her room. She was breathing rapidly, and her skin was clammy with perspiration.

That’s it! she realized, thinking back to her nightmare. That’s what happened! That was how she had hit the guardrail – another car had been chasing her. She tried to picture the car in her head, tried to remember what it looked like before the details slipped her mind. Green, she thought, I think it was green. And it was a rental.

A green rental car. A green rental car had chased her, had run her off the road.

Kevin had been driving a green rental car.

***

Chapter 36

Bianca got up late the next morning. She hadn’t slept well the night before, not after her nightmare anyway. She had lain awake for hours, frightened, thinking of Kevin and his rental car, telling herself that there was no way Kevin could have been driving the other car that day. But if it wasn’t him, who was it? And why? That was the question that had been haunting her – why? Why had he chased her? Why he had tried to run her off the road? Why had he tried to hurt her?

These questions had gone unanswered, for finally, Bianca had drifted off into a restless sleep. Now it was past eleven in the morning, and she had just awoken. She stumbled downstairs, wondering if AJ was around, wanting to tell him about the dream and the car and Kevin, wanting him to assure her that Kevin would never do such a thing, that it was just some random person with road rage, that it was nothing personal. That it was not some psychopath out to kill her.

Out to kill her… out to kill her… The phrase was tossed around in Bianca’s brain, giving her chills. And that was when something clicked, and a horrible realization came over her…

“Bianca!” AJ blurted suddenly, startling her.

“What?” she asked, looking at him strangely.

AJ blushed and continued less vigorously, “You don’t have to go down there. Let me go. Krystle and I get along better than you two do. I can talk to her. We talked a couple nights ago, in fact, after that argument I had with you. You just go to bed, and I’ll handle it.”

“Are you sure? She sounded like she wanted another girl to talk to. You know, girls stick together through this kind of stuff.”

AJ looked at her doubtfully. “You want to ‘stick together’ with Krystle?” he asked.

Bianca grinned sheepishly. “No,” she admitted. “Are you sure you want to go down there? I’m sure she’ll still be blubbering about it. Do you really want her sobbing on your shoulder?”

AJ chuckled. “It’ll be fine,” he said confidently. “You just go to bed. I’ll be back later, alright?”

Bianca smiled gratefully. “Alright. Love you.” She leaned over to give him a quick kiss on the cheek.

“Love you too,” AJ replied, standing up. He was dressed in only his boxers. He found his jeans lying on the floor and pulled them on, then looked quickly around for a shirt.

“My sweatshirt’s by the door,” Bianca said. “Just wear that.”

“Thanks,” AJ said, slipping on a pair of soccer sandals over his bare feet and grabbing her gray hooded sweatshirt, which had actually once been his. It was just something Bianca had worn around so much that he had given it to her. He pulled the sweatshirt over his head and pulled up the hood, just in case there was anyone else in the hall. He didn’t want any fans to recognize him and cause a scene.

“Bye!” he called to Bianca, grabbing his room key and slipping out the door…

“Oh my God,” whispered Bianca now, standing in the middle of her kitchen in her pajamas, still bleary-eyed from sleep. “He wasn’t after AJ at all. He was after me. He was out to kill me!”

It all made perfect sense – AJ had been wearing her sweatshirt, with the hood up. The halls were dimly lit, making it hard to see. The killer had attacked AJ, thinking he was her.

He had killed the wrong person.

***

“You think it’s Kevin?” AJ asked in disbelief, later that day. As soon as he had shown up in the house, Bianca had blurted out everything she had discovered since the night before – how she had been chased by a green rental car and forced off the road into the guardrail, how Kevin had been driving a green rental car the night before, how AJ had worn her sweatshirt the night he had died, how he had had the hood up and it had been hard to see, and how it all added up to one conclusion: AJ’s killer – possibly Kevin – was after her.

“I don’t know, Aje, but it was his car!” Bianca cried.

“Are you sure it just wasn’t some other green rental car?”

“Well, maybe, I dunno. I don’t know what kind the car in the dream was, and I don’t know either of the license plates. But…”

“But what? Bean, it can’t be Kevin! What’s his motive? Why would he want to kill you?”

“I don’t know…” That was the big question now – it had always been, really – WHY? Bianca had always considered herself to be a reasonably nice person. Sure, she had had her share of disagreements and conflicts with others, but nothing serious. She didn’t have any enemies, as far as she knew – though that obviously wasn’t the case. She got along with most people, she thought. She had never done anything so horrible that someone would want to kill her for it. So why?

“Well, what if it’s not Kevin,” said Bianca. “Who else could it be? Who would have a good motive?”

“How should I know? I can’t think of anyone who would have a reason to kill you!” AJ said firmly, defensively. But someone obviously did have one. Bianca’s reasoning made sense, and he believed it – his murderer had been after her, not him. And the murderer had already tried to kill her again, it seemed, when he ran her off the road. So most likely, he would try a third time.

That meant one thing - Bianca was in grave danger.

***

Around noon, Krystle Moore was just pulling up in front of the large home she and Howie lived in, the trunk of her purple Mustang filled with bags of groceries. She parked the car in the circular driveway, right in front of the house, and climbed out. She went around, open the trunk, and grabbed three of the plastic grocery bags. Leaving the trunk open so Howie could come get the rest, she struggled into the house.

“Hey, babe,” she greeted Howie. “There’s more groceries in the trunk; could you go get them?”

“Sure,” replied Howie. He went outside and got the rest of the bags from the trunk, then slammed the trunk shut, and went into the house. He closed the front door just as a green car made its way slowly up the driveway.

“I bought some turkey from the deli. I thought I could fry up some bacon, and we could have turkey clubs for lunch. Sound okay, babe?” Krystle asked as Howie carried the groceries into the kitchen and set them down on one of the counters.

“Sure, that’s fine, Krys,” said Howie. He began to help her unpack the groceries and put them away. The two were so busy walking back and forth across the kitchen, clanking bottles, rustling plastic bags, and slamming cupboard doors, they did not hear the green car lurch to a stop in the driveway, nor did they notice the front door opening.

Howie picked up a gallon of milk and carried it over to the refrigerator. He opened it up and frowned in dismay when he saw how full it was. Leaning inside the fridge, he started moving things around one-handed, trying to make room for the milk he grasped in his other hand.

He did not realize there was someone else in the house with them until he felt something big and sharp stab into his back. The first thing Howie felt was shock. And then pain, terrible crushing pain. He gasped, and the milk carton slipped from his fingers. It hit the floor with a thud and burst open, milk puddling onto the shiny tiles. Howie hit the floor too, his knees giving out on him. He managed to turn around, to try to see his attacker. All he could see was a tall figure clothed in all black, including a black ski mask. And that masked person was going for Krystle.

He saw her backed up against the counter, her eyes wide with horror. He heard her scream as the attacker advanced on her. “No!” he cried, as the figure grabbed Krystle roughly and slammed her back against the counter. Krystle cried out in pain. The attacker grabbed her again and hit her. This time, Krystle crumpled to the ground.

“Krys!” Howie gasped out through his own pain. He struggled to get to his feet, to get to her, to protect her from this masked villain. But then, the attacker came back for him. The attacker pushed Howie back down so that he was lying on his stomach… and then yanked something out of his back. More pain erupted inside Howie’s body. He screamed out in agony, despite himself. He thought the attacker would stab him again, but instead, he lifted his head and craned his neck around to watch the attacker lunge at Krystle again, who was sprawled out on the floor, half hidden from Howie’s sight by the island in the middle of the kitchen.

Howie watched in horror as the attacker lifted the weapon – a large, sharp, gleaming, bloody knife – into the air and brought in down with a whoosh… right into Krystle’s body. He heard her blood-curdling scream, and then… nothing. The scream was suddenly cut short, and there was silence, except for the sound of the blood-coated knife clanging to the floor.

“Krystle!” Howie cried in panic. “Krystle, no!”

Krystle said nothing. A moment later, he watched as the person in black bent over and, with a struggle, hoisted Krystle up. Howie gasped as he caught a brief glimpse of her. Her chest was already covered in blood from an apparent stab wound… right over her heart. Her eyes were closed, and her body lay limply in the attacker’s arms.

“You bastard!” Howie screamed, tears of rage and horror and pain filling his eyes. “You killed her! Oh God, you killed her!”

The attacker said nothing, did not even look at him, just carried the lifeless Krystle on past Howie and out of the kitchen. Howie tried in vain to get up, but his body was weak and shaky and coursing with pain. With one trembling hand, he reached behind him and felt the back of his shirt. It felt warm, wet, and sticky. Pulling his hand back, he inspected his fingers. They were stained red.

As he lay there, unable to get to his feet, sobbing in physical and emotional agony, blood poured from the knife wound in his back, puddling onto the shiny tiles with the spilled milk.

***

Chapter 37

Bianca kept watch for the mailman that day. As soon as she saw the familiar mail truck at her mailbox, then drive away, she hurried out of the house, curious to see if there would be another letter or picture from the murderer. That was a morbid thought, but it was true. Despite the fact that she had been run off the road two days earlier, she really was not that scared. Not yet anyway.

When she opened up her mailbox and took out the mail, there was indeed another envelope addressed to her in block letters among the masses of bills and junk. A shiver ran through her, and she considered opening it there, then decided against it and jogged back up to the house. She dropped the stack of mail down on the kitchen counter, sat down at the table, and opened the envelope.

Inside, there was another picture, identical to the first one she had been sent. Again, AJ’s face was covered by a yellow smiley face sticker. But this time, another person’s face was stickered as well. The person standing in front of Howie – Krystle.

Bianca stared at the picture, her hands beginning to tremble. What was that supposed to mean? It was not really that hard to figure out, and deep down, though she didn’t want to admit it to herself, she already knew.

Krystle was in trouble.

***

“Come on, pick up!” Bianca begged, her cell phone pressed to her ear, listening to the phone on the other line ring.

“Still not answering?” AJ asked.

“No,” Bianca said with a sigh, setting down the cell phone. She was driving to Howie’s house at that moment and had been trying to get a hold of him or Krystle ever since she had gotten the letter. Every time she tried their home number, she got the answering machine, and when she tried Howie’s cell, she got his voicemail. She had left a brief message on both, but when no one called her back, she had decided to go to the house and check things out. She had a bad feeling about the whole situation, a nagging feeling in her stomach that something was going to happen to Krystle – or had happened already. She had to find out if Krystle was okay and if she was, warn her of the possible danger. She had never been fond of Krystle and still wasn’t, but for all she knew, this could be a life or death matter. AJ’s face had a sticker over it, and he was dead. She could not let Krystle be next.

It did not take long to get to Howie’s house. Bianca pulled into the driveway and saw Krystle’s car sitting there. Uneasily, she parked her car and climbed out. She went to the front door and rang the doorbell. No one came to the door, she rang it again. And again. Finally, she tried the knob. It was unlocked, which made Bianca feel even more nervous. Howie and Krystle would never go off and leave their house unlocked.

Feeling like an intruder, Bianca opened the door and walked inside. “Howie!” she called, her voice echoing in the cavernous entryway. “Krystle!”

No answer.

She turned around and saw AJ’s light following her. It comforted her a little.

“Should we split up and check out the place?” AJ asked.

“No,” answered Bianca, “let’s stay together.”

She walked into the living room, and the Gold Light followed. The living room was empty. She made her way into the dining room. Deserted as well. Then to the kitchen. And that’s when she cried out in sheer horror.

“Howie!!!”

Howie was lying on his side in a fetal position in front of the refrigerator, his back to her. The first thing she noticed was the giant, dark red stain on the back of his gray t-shirt. The shirt clung to his back, soaked with the red liquid. And more of it was puddled around him on the floor, next to a cracked, empty milk carton. Bianca clapped a hand over her mouth, afraid she was going to throw up.

It was blood. Howie was bathed in blood.

“Oh my God!” Bianca cried, rushing over to him. “Oh, God!” She sank down to her knees beside him and felt a mixture of blood and milk seeping into the knees of her jeans. Gingerly, with shaking hands, she reached out and touched his neck, trying to feel for a pulse. To her total relief, she felt a light one.

At her touch, Howie’s eyes fluttered open and he let out a soft moan of pain. “K… Kr…”

“Shh, Howie, don’t talk,” Bianca whispered. “It’s gonna be okay. I’m calling an ambulance right now.” She quickly got to her feet and started to dart across the kitchen to the phone, but Howie reached out to her.

“Krys?” he said hoarsely.

Bianca stopped. “Krystle – where is she, Howie?”

“Krys… he… he killed Krys…”

“Killed her!” Bianca cried, clapping a hand over her mouth. “Oh my God! Who killed her, Howie? Who was it?”

“Dunno… he ‘ad a… facemask on,” Howie slurred. “Couldn’t see… his face…”

“Well, where is she? Where is she, Howie?”

“Took… her…”

Howie was only half alert and seemed to be fading fast. Bianca was afraid she was losing him. Before he could protest, she crossed the room and grabbed the phone from the wall, quickly punching in the digits 911. She explained the situation as best she could, gave Howie’s address, and then hung up, hurrying back over to Howie.

She got back on the floor and picked up Howie’s hand. It looked pale and felt cold. Very cold. She rubbed it between her own and whispered, “Hang on, Howie. Just hang on.”

She glanced over her shoulder and saw AJ shimmering in the corner. “AJ,” she said to him through her mind. “Don’t let him die.”

When AJ spoke back, his voice sounded choked with tears. “Bean… I don’t have that kind of power.”

Bianca nodded, tears filling her eyes, and squeezed Howie’s hand, whispering again, “Just hang on.”

***

An hour later, Bianca sat in a small, private waiting room on the surgical floor of the nearest hospital, the hospital she had been in herself only two days earlier. Howie had been taken in for emergency surgery to repair whatever damage the knife had done to him, and it would be a matter of hours before Bianca would know anything. She felt terrified, terrified that she would lose Howie too. When she had first met the other Backstreet Boys after she started dating AJ, she had bonded more with Howie than any of the others. Nick had always been her favorite member as a fan, but he had distanced himself from her, while Howie had sweetly welcomed her with open arms. Living in Orlando just a matter of miles from Howie’s house, she had gotten to know him better than Brian or Kevin, and by now, she considered him one of her good friends. She had already lost AJ; she couldn’t stand the thought of losing Howie.

“Bean… you should call the other guys,” AJ said.

“Yeah…”

“Even Kevin.”

“But, AJ, what if he did this?!”

“Call him at home. If he answers, you know he’s all the way out in LA and he couldn’t possible have done this.”

Bianca nodded, pulling her small address book out of her purse. She opened it to the R’s first and found Kevin and Kristin’s home number. There was a phone in the waiting room that she could call out on, so she used it. She dialed the number and pressed the phone to her hear, hoping Kevin would answer. She didn’t want to believe it was him doing this. But the green car…

“Hello?”

Bianca sagged in relief. “Kevin!”

“Yeah… speaking?”

“This is Bianca. I’m calling from the hospital. It’s Howie.”

Kevin sucked in a breath. “What happened?”

Bianca didn’t want to tell him; she really didn’t. But she knew she had to. “He… he was attacked. At home. Someone stabbed him… and Krystle.”

“Oh my God! How are they?”

“Howie’s in surgery, and Krystle… well… we don’t really know. She… her body… wasn’t there. Howie told me that the guy who did this stabbed her and… and carried her body away.”

“Oh my God,” Kevin moaned. “You said Howie’s in surgery?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay… well, I guess I’m going to try to make some arrangements to come down there. Will you give me a call when he’s out of surgery?”

“Sure, Kev,” replied Bianca.

“Thanks, Bean. Talk to you later.”

They hung up. Bianca slumped back in her seat and covered her face with one hand, overwhelmed with guilt. It couldn’t have been Kevin. Someone else had done this. If only she knew who…

***

Chapter 38

Bianca tried calling Nick next, but he was not home, and she only got his voicemail when she tried his cell. She left him a message, saying for him to call her back on her cell phone, gave him the number, and hung up, not wanting to break the news to him in a voicemail message.

She tried Brian next, but he was not home either, and the cell phone number she had written down for him didn’t work.

“Does Brian have a new cell phone number or something, AJ?” she asked. “This one doesn’t work.”

“Ohh… I don’t know, maybe. I don’t think I have it if he does though.”

“Oh… I wonder who would. You think Nick or Howie would?”

“Yeah, probably. I’m sure Nick has it,” answered AJ. “I can go over to his house if you want and see if I can find it written down somewhere.”

“You’re just going to barge into his house?”

“It’s not like he’s going to notice,” AJ laughed. “He probably has it on speed dial or something anyway. I’ll just see if I can find it and write it down for you.”

“Well… okay…” Bianca said reluctantly. She watched as the Gold Mist floated out of the room and disappeared. She could hear AJ no longer. She bit her lip, feeling very alone and vulnerable without him. He had been killed, Krystle had been killed (probably – though it was not yet certain), Howie had almost been killed, and she had been run off the road. Would the murderer come back to finish her off?

She shivered at the thought and hoped AJ would return soon.

***

AJ arrived at Nick’s house feeling relieved. He was glad for the opportunity to get out of that hospital and have a chance to think about things alone. He was very worried, though he had been trying to hide that from Bianca. He had been murdered wearing her sweatshirt, and then she had been rammed off the road, which seemed to add up to the conclusion that whoever killed him had meant to kill her. Then Krystle and Howie had been attacked. Where did that fit into the scheme of things? Was someone just going to try killing of all of the Backstreet Boys and their girlfriends or wives? He didn’t know, but he was afraid of the very same thing Bianca was – that the attacker would want to finish the job he started and kill her.

With an uneasy sigh, AJ passed through the front door of Nick’s house, in search of Brian’s new cell number. He tried the kitchen first, solidifying his hands to check the speed dial list on the phone. No such luck. He went to Nick’s office and tried the phone there. Again, nothing. He wondered if Nick had an address book in one of his desk drawers. He stared at the desk, debating over whether or not it would be wrong to go looking through Nick’s drawers. What kind of stuff would he have in there?

Hesitantly, he opened the top drawer and looked inside. There was an address book in there, alright. It was opened to the P’s, and one entry stood out. Bianca Parker. Her address, home number, cell phone number, and email address were listed under her name. And all of it was circled in red pen.

But that was not all. Lying on top of the address book, covering the part below Bianca’s information, was an envelope, a stamp already on it, something already stuffed inside. And tucked under the address book, its corner sticking it out, was something that made AJ feel sick to his stomach – even though he couldn’t get sick anymore.

It was a sheet of yellow happy face stickers.

Suddenly, everything made sense. Nick hadn’t had a steady girlfriend in years, not since Willa Ford broke his heart. He had been bitter to Bianca when she had started dating AJ over a year ago and had never warmed up to her. He had never seemed fond of Krystle either – though no one really was, except Howie. He had said publicly that things were different in the group now that Kevin and Brian were married. Some might say he was jealous of the guys’ women for drawing their attention away from him and the group.

On the night of AJ’s murder, he was alone in his hotel room. He could have left with no one knowing and made up a perfect alibi. No one would know whether or not it was true.

His favorite color was green, just like the rental car that had run Bianca off the road.

It was quite obvious now – Nick was the killer.

***

Bianca was relieved when AJ’s Gold Light appeared in the waiting room again about twenty minutes later.

“Did you get the number?” she asked.

“What?” AJ had almost forgotten just why he had gone to Nick’s house in the first place. “Oh, no. But Bean, I found out something.”

“What?”

Her tone was innocent; his was grave. “Bean, it’s Nick. Nick’s the killer.”

“What?!”

And AJ explained everything – the letter lying on top of the address book that was opened to her name, the yellow happy face stickers, the green car, the girlfriend issue, everything. When he was finished, she was completely silent.

“Oh God,” she said finally. “It all makes sense, doesn’t it? How could I have thought it was KEVIN?!”

“Maybe that’s why he rented the green car in the first place, to frame Kevin or something. Or maybe it’s just that he likes green. I have no idea, Bean, but there’s something seriously wrong with him.”

Again, AJ got that sick feeling. How could Nick Carter, one of his best friends, his brother, someone he known for ten years, someone he had been through thick and thin with, do this? Chase Bianca, attack Krystle and Howie, and… kill him? AJ would have never in a million years thought of Nick being a murderer.

Bianca’s cell phone rang then, startling them both. When she reached into her purse to retrieve it, Bianca’s hands shook so badly she could hardly undo the snap holding the purse closed. She fumbled around and finally pulled the cell phone out, pulling up the antennae and answering it.

“Hello?” Her voice was shaky and light.

“Bianca?”

Bianca’s eyes widened in terror. She recognized the voice immediately. It was Nick!

“It’s him!” she cried frantically to AJ in her mind. “It’s Nick! What do I say?”

“Tell him about Howie. Don’t let him know you know anything. Just act normal.”

This was a difficult thing to do, but Bianca tried her best. “Nick?” she asked.

“Yeah. What’s up?”

“Um… well… um…” Bianca shook her head quickly and tried to get a hold of herself. “It’s Howie,” she said. “H-he was attacked at his house this morning with a knife! I’m calling from the hospital.”

“Oh my God!” Nick cried with realistic-sounding shock.

The kid’s a good actor, Bianca thought darkly.

“Which hospital?” Nick asked.

Bianca told him, and he promised to be there as soon as he could. As soon as they hung up, Bianca began to shake again.

“He’s coming!” her mind screamed to AJ. “He’s coming here! Oh my God, how am I supposed to talk to him? How am I even supposed to look at him, knowing he’s done this?!”

“I don’t know, Bean… just try to act natural.”

Bianca nodded. That’s what Nick was doing to her – acting natural, acting like nothing was wrong, acting like he hadn’t broken into Howie’s home that morning and stabbed him and Krystle. She had to do the same.

It was a mind game they both were playing. A dangerous mind game. If she lost, she could end up dead.

Then again, she might end up dead anyway.

***

Chapter 39

“Hey, there you are, Bianca!”

With a feeling of dread, Bianca looked up from the magazine she had been absently leafing through. In the doorway of the waiting room stood Nick. She forced a weak smile onto her face. “Hey, Nick.”

“Have you heard anything on Howie yet?”

“No, not yet.”

“Damn.” Nick sighed. “God, I hope he’s gonna be okay. After AJ… I don’t think I could handle another death.” He raked a hand through his blonde hair.

Bianca stared at him with utter loathing, hatred rising within her. How could he just sit there and pretend like that, pretend like he cared? He had done this!!!

“I know,” she said emotionlessly, forcing herself to talk to him, to imagine he was Brian or Kevin or one of her friends, not a merciless killer. She knew if she slipped up and let him know that she knew the truth, her life was the price she would pay.

“Have you called the other guys?” Nick asked. “Kev and Bri?”

“I called Kevin. He said he’s going to try to get here. And I tried Brian, but he wasn’t home, and his cell number was disconnected.”

“Oh yeah, he got a new cell number. I have it; you want me to call him? I’m sure you’re tired of calling people.”

“Um… yeah, sure. Thanks.”

“No prob.” Nick got up and moved to a seat near the phone in the waiting room. He picked it up and dialed out. Within a few seconds, he had Brian on the other line. While he told him about Howie, Bianca tried to get her tense muscles to relax.

He can’t do anything to me here, she told herself. It would be too obvious. I’m safe here.

Just when Nick was hanging up the phone, the door to the waiting room opened again, and in walked a man dressed in blue scrubs. A surgical mask hung around his neck.

“Are you both here waiting for Mr. Dorough?” he asked. Bianca and Nick nodded in reply. “Okay, I’m Dr. Harrison. Howard is out of surgery and in recovery. He’s very lucky; the knife missed all of his vital organs and his spinal cord. We repaired the tissue damage and closed the wound, and I expect he’ll make a full recovery.”

Bianca let out a relieved sigh, and Nick jumped up to shake the doctor’s hand in thanks. She glared at Nick behind his back and thought evil things about him as he faked gratitude.

“When will Howie be awake?” Bianca asked the doctor. “Can we visit him soon? One at a time?” she asked hopefully.

“You can visit him in about half an hour, but I warn you, he won’t be very lucid yet. The anesthesia will just be wearing off, and he’ll be groggy and disoriented.”

“Okay,” said Bianca, eager for the half hour to pass. Hospital rooms made her uncomfortable, but anything was better than sitting in this waiting room with Nick. Anything was better than making small talk with a murderer.

***

When a half an hour had passed, Nick looked at Bianca and said, “Think it’d be okay to go see him now?”

“Yeah, I think so,” answered Bianca. “You can go first.”

“Thanks,” he said, giving her a small smile and taking off down the hall. As she watched him go, a feeling of dread filled her stomach. What if Nick decided to finish Howie off while he was alone in the room with him?

Stop it, Bianca scolded herself. He would never get away with that. Howie’s probably hooked up to so many monitors right now that they’d know right away if something went wrong.

That thought comforted her, and she settled back into her chair, feeling much more relaxed. Then she remembered AJ. He had laid low and not spoken to her while Nick was there, and now she looked around the room to make sure he was still there. She saw his Light in the corner of the room, but it looked different to her, strangely dim.

“AJ?” she asked aloud.

“I think I overdid myself,” came his voice in her head. It sounded weak.

“What do you mean? What’s wrong?” Bianca asked, worried.

“Going to Nick’s house, looking through his stuff, talking to you all this time… too much,” AJ murmured. “I think the Golden Mist is coming.”

“What’s the Golden Mist?!”

“Our way of getting energy. It’s like passing out for awhile and then waking up energized.”

“Awhile? How long is awhile? Hours?”

“More like days. At least it was last time.”

“No! No, Aje, you can’t leave me for days!” Bianca cried frantically. “What about Nick?”

“Listen, Bean, you have to hide somewhere.”

“Hide?”

“Yeah… don’t stay at home… go somewhere else, where Nick can’t find you…”

“Like where? My parents’ house?”

“No, he’d guess that.”

“Where then?”

“Um… how about Howie’s house?”

“Howie’s house??”

“Yeah… there’s a security system there, and Nick would never expect you to go there. And it’s not like he’d want to go back there anyway. Wouldn’t it look suspicious if he was caught poking around the scene of the crime?”

“But…”

“Do it, Bean, Howie won’t mind. If he comes around in time, you can talk to him about it, but if not, just go there. He’ll understand.”

“What about the police? Can’t I just call the police and get this all over with?” Bianca begged.

“Not yet… there’s not enough evidence to prove it’s Nick. If you go to the police now, they’ll question him again and maybe even arrest him, but if they can’t prove its him, they’ll let him off, and then he’ll know you turned him in and come after you. We have to wait for solid proof and then go to the police.”

“How do we get solid proof though?”

“We…” And then AJ’s voice began to trail off.

“AJ!”

“Golden Mist… coming…” he said weakly. “Be back soon…”

“No, AJ!”

But he said no more. She looked into the corner just in time to see his Gold Light slowly fade away until there was nothing. Frightened tears filled her eyes, and she began to cry, terrified of what was going to happen to her without AJ around. He brought her comfort and made her feel protected… without him, she felt like a lost little girl, scared, alone, and defenseless.

“Bianca, what’s wrong?”

Bianca’s head jerked up so fast she was afraid she would have whiplash. Again, there was Nick standing in the doorway. She had not even heard the door open.

“Nothing,” she said quickly. “It’s just… relief, I guess. I was so worried… and… and now he’s going to be okay, and I’m just…” She struggled for words, her voice shaking with fear and nervousness.

Nick smiled, sending chills through her body. “It’s okay,” he said, studying her. “I understand. Are you going in to see him now?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I am.”

“Okay. Just warning you – he’s pretty out of it. He didn’t say anything coherent to me. I’m not sure he even knew it was me.”

“Oh… well, I’m sure he’s not feeling all that great now, so maybe I’ll just head home and visit tomorrow,” said Bianca, realizing this was her chance to make an escape. “I need to lie down.”

“Oh okay. See you.”

“Bye,” said Bianca, forcing a smile at him and then walking swiftly out of the room. She made herself walk down the hall, but once she had rounded the corner and caught sight of the elevators ahead, she broke into a run, more than happy to escape the hospital and the backstabbing (no pun intended LOL) killer that lurked within it.

***

Chapter 40

Howie’s memories of the period immediately after his surgery were vague and hazy. He recalled Nick being in the room for a brief period of time, though he was so disoriented he didn’t carry on much of a conversation. He wondered if anyone else was there – Kevin, Brian, AJ? No, not AJ. AJ was dead. Sometimes, at times like these when he was tired and groggy, Howie had to remind himself of that, and then the pain of losing his best friend would come back in full force.

Sometime that evening, hours after the surgery, a police officer dropped by. Howie had met Officer Newton before, just a week earlier, when they had all been told that AJ’s death was not a serial killing. But now Officer Newton was not here to discuss AJ, but Krystle.

“Good evening, Mr. Dorough,” he said grimly, shaking Howie’s hand. “I’m so sorry to bother you, but I need to ask you some questions about what happened today.”

Howie nodded. “H-have you found Krystle?” This was the first thing he had asked when he was able to talk. A nurse informed him that the police had already been notified of the attack and were looking for Krystle… dead or alive. She’s dead, Howie thought sadly, remembering how limp and lifeless she had been, picturing the bleeding knife wound in her chest. But maybe there was a chance, just a glimmer of hope, that she was still alive somewhere, that the police could get to her in time and save her.

“No, we haven’t found her yet. We have men out still looking, but as I’m sure you realize, the chances of finding her alive are slim.”

Howie nodded glumly. “I know.”

“Now, could you describe the attacker for me? Was it male or female?”

“Um… well, I think it was a man. He never said anything, but he was tall.”

“Tall, okay. And what was he wearing?”

“All black and a black ski mask. I couldn’t see his face.”

And it went on like this, for over half an hour, until Howie grew weary of the questioning. Officer Newton then told him he had enough information for the time being and would notify Howie of any progress they made in the case. Then he left. “So you can get your rest,” he told Howie.

But Howie did not get much rest. He could not sleep on his own, not knowing what had become of his girlfriend. He would not rest until she had been found… one way or another.

***

That evening, after much debate, Bianca called the hospital and asked if Howie was able to receive phone calls. She had a nurse check with him and then was given the extension to his room. He answered on the first ring.

“Hello?”

“Hi, Howie, it’s Bianca,” she said. She felt guilty about disrupting him, but she knew she’d feel worse going to stay at his house without even asking first. “I’m sorry to bother you. How are you feeling?”

“Hey, Bianca!” Howie replied. His voice sounded tired, but not annoyed. “I’ve been better, you know, but I’m not doing too bad.” He sounded overly cheerful, and she knew he was lying. After all, she had done the same thing many times since AJ’s death. She realized Howie was going through the same thing she had, only worse, for Krystle’s body hadn’t even been found yet.

“Good,” she said, pretending to believe him. “Well, I don’t want to keep you for long, but I wanted to ask you a favor.”

“Oh, sure, what?”

“Well…” Bianca paused, wondering how to phrase this. Finally, she decided to just tell him the whole story – well, part of the whole story anyway. Before she could stop herself, she blurted, “Howie, I’m scared. I think whoever attacked you and Krystle is the same person who killed AJ, and he’s coming after me next!”

Howie was silent a moment. Then he asked, “Why do you think that?”

Bianca explained about the pictures with the stickers she had been getting and how AJ had been wearing her sweatshirt that night and how a car had run her off the road on AJ’s birthday. The only things she left out were that the car had been green and rented like Kevin’s, that AJ was an angel, and the fact that they knew Nick was the killer. She couldn’t bear to let him know that his own “brother” had done this.

“So anyway,” she finished, “here’s where the favor part comes in. I’m afraid to stay at home. This person knows where I live; I’m afraid he’ll come and attack me. I was wondering if… if I could stay at your place for awhile.”

“Oh…” said Howie, “well, sure, I guess so.”

“You don’t have to let me,” Bianca said quickly. “It was just an idea.”

“No, no, it’s fine,” Howie assured her. “The only thing is, I’m sure the police have the kitchen all signed off. Crime scene, you know. But you could use the kitchen in the basement.”

“Really? Are you sure?”

“Yeah, it’ll be fine,” Howie said again. “When are you going to go over there?”

“Um… how about tomorrow morning?”

“Sounds good. I’ll talk to Officer Newton tomorrow and let him know you’ll be staying there.”

“Okay. Thanks, Howie,” Bianca said in gratitude.

“No problem.”

“Oh, Howie – one thing.”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t tell anyone where I am, okay? Not even the guys. If they ask where I am, just say you don’t know. Okay?”

“Okay…” Howie said slowly. “But why?”

“I’m just… afraid. I… I don’t know who’s doing this, and… just in case…” She trailed off. Howie seemed to understand though.

“Okay,” he said. “I won’t tell a soul. Talk to you later, Bean.”

“Bye,” said Bianca, and they hung up.

***

Chapter 41

When she was done on the phone with Howie, Bianca immediately dialed another number – her best friend Brianna’s. She hadn’t spoken with Brianna since she had left North Carolina after New Year’s and felt she needed to fill her friend in on what was going on – some of it, anyway.

Brianna was not home when Bianca tried her apartment, so she tried her cell phone. She was in luck. Brianna picked up after a few rings.

“Hello?” she said breathlessly, sounding stressed.

“Bree? It’s Bean; is this a bad time?”

“Oh, hey, Bean!” Brianna cried, her hassled-sounding tone disappearing. “No, no, it’s not a bad time. I’m just driving and was trying to get my stupid phone out of the glove compartment.”

“Oh okay. Where you heading?”

“Work.”

“Work? This late?”

“Yeah, unfortunately. I’ve got the night shift tonight.”

“Oh. I’m sorry. Where’s Jason?”

“At my parents’ house. He spends the night there whenever I have to work nights.”

“Oh. You’re lucky to have them so close.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Well,” said Bianca, changing the subject, “I just called to let you know I’m not going to be home for… a while.”

“What? Why?” Brianna asked sharply.

“Well… it’s complicated, but… somebody attacked Howie and Krystle this morning.”

Brianna gasped audibly. “Oh no! What happened? Are they okay?”

“Not really… Howie was stabbed in the back and had surgery earlier today, but he’s supposed to make a full recovery. Krystle though… we think she’s dead.”

“You think?”

“Her body’s gone. Howie said the attacker stabbed her in the chest and then dragged her body out. The police haven’t found her yet.”

“Oh my God!”

“Yeah. So anyway, I’m kind of freaked. First AJ, now this. I… I think it might be connected. I’m afraid to stay at home, so I’m going to stay at Howie’s house for awhile.”

“Oh, okay,” said Brianna. “That’s completely understandable.”

“Yeah. Do you want the phone number so you can call me?”

“Sure.”

Bianca gave her the number, and Brianna promised to write it down as soon as she got to work.

“Call me sometime in case I forget it on the way,” she said with a laugh.

“Okay,” Bianca replied, giggling. “I just wanted to let you know that. I’m heading over there tomorrow.”

“Okay. Thanks, girl,” said Brianna. “You take care. I’ll talk to you later, ‘kay?”

“’Kay. Bye.”

As soon as she hung up, Bianca went upstairs to get some things packed.

***

The next morning, Bianca hauled her suitcases and bags into her car, locked up the house, turned on the security system, and left. Howie had called her earlier, letting her know he had told the police she would be living at his house for the time being, so she knew they were expecting her. She felt relieved, confident that she would be safe there.

She drove through town and finally made it to Howie’s street, which was lined on both sides by the exquisite mansions of the rich and famous. Right before she came to Howie’s drive, she passed a sweeping brick mansion that looked like a castle – Mr. Gunzenmeier’s manor. He happened to be out at his mailbox picking up the morning paper, and she gave him a wave and a tight-lipped smile as she drove past. He held up his hand solemnly in greeting.

“Mr. Gunzenmeier – friendly as ever,” she mumbled sarcastically through her closed lips as she pulled into the next driveway.

There were no police at Howie’s house yet that morning. Bianca half-hoped some would come by later, half-hoped they wouldn’t. Their presence would make her feel safer, but then again, she wanted her privacy. Besides, nothing bad would happen to her here, right?

Wrong.

***

Chapter 42

Bianca did not sleep very well that night. She lay awake for hours, tossing and turning in a bed that was not hers, worrying. But finally, her exhaustion took over, and she fell into a dreamless sleep.

When she awoke late the next morning, the Gold Light had returned. It hovered over the side of the bed she was not occupying, startling at first.

“Shit, AJ, don’t do that!” she exclaimed, immediately wide awake, but she couldn’t help but giggle, glad that he was back.

“Oh, come on, you’re glad to see me, and you know it,” AJ teased.

“I know,” Bianca admitted. “I love you.”

“I love you too. Has anything changed since I’ve been gone?”

“No. Same old, same old.”

“Seen Nick lately?”

“Not since Saturday.”

“Good. I think I’m going to head over there later, check things out, supervise him, you know.”

“You’re going to leave me alone?”

“Only to watch Nick, to make sure he’s not… you know… planning to come over here or anything. You’re safe as long as he’s not around.”

“I know,” said Bianca. “I just don’t want you to go away again.”

“I’ll be around.”

“What time are you going?”

“I dunno. Later. Nick isn’t even awake yet, knowing him. Too early in the morning for him to murder anyone.”

The joke was morbid and not exactly tasteful, but Bianca couldn’t help but chuckle a little. AJ always made her feel so much better. Smiling, she lay back down in bed. “Good point.”

***

“Later” turned out not to be till that evening, when it was just growing dark. Bianca and AJ had spent the whole day down in Howie’s basement together, trying to think of other things besides Nick and murder. But finally, AJ had decided he better head to Nick’s to keep watch.

“Night seems to be the most popular time to kill someone,” he had told her, half-joking, half-serious.

“Okay. I’ll see you later,” she had said sadly, as he disappeared before her eyes.

Now she was alone, watching The King and I on the big screen in Howie’s basement rec room. She tried to get herself absorbed in the movie and forget all about being afraid.

Nothing can happen, she told herself. AJ’s watching Nick, and if he sets out to get me, AJ will come and warn me.

She put a smile on her face and focused her attention back onto the TV, humming along as the characters on the screen sang “Getting to Know You.” Faintly, over the music coming from the surround sound system, she heard a thud overhead.

“What was that?” she asked out loud, pausing the movie. She strained her ears, listening intently. But she heard nothing more. Figuring something had just fallen off a shelf, she went upstairs to investigate, expecting to find a broken vase on the floor or something similar. The mess that greeted her in Howie’s living room was not what she expected.

Instead of the shattered glass shards, water, dirt, and leaves that would go along with the broken vase, she was greeted with the sight of a bloody corpse spread out on the plush carpeting.

Swallowing back vomit, Bianca let out a choked scream. “Krystle!”

Bianca hurried over to Krystle’s body, knowing she was already dead, knowing there was nothing she could do to help. Still, she knelt down beside her, as she had done with Howie. Krystle’s skin was very pale and white. Her eyes were closed. Her silky black hair was spread out under her, and she actually looked quite beautiful, like Snow White in her glass casket. From the shoulders up, that was. Her torso was saturated in dried blood from an apparent stab wound in her chest, though there was so much blood on her shirt it was impossible to see the wound itself.

“Oh God,” Bianca sobbed, frightened tears filling her eyes. For one moment, she was very sad. The next moment, she was terrified.

Someone had dragged Krystle’s body in here.

Someone was in the house.

Bianca leaped to her feet, looking wildly around, wondering frantically what to do. Should she make a run for the door? Try to escape? Or was Nick out there, lurking, waiting for her? She imagined him leaping out at her as she crossed the threshold of the living room door, a gleaming knife in his hand, ready to thrust into her chest. She let out a desperate sob, then went with her instinct, and started to dart for the basement door, prepared to lock herself down there and pray Nick wouldn’t be able to break in.

She started to run. But she didn’t get far, for as soon as she willed her rubbery legs to move, something hooked onto her ankle, sending her sprawling flat on her face. Scrambling to her knees, Bianca spun around… and screamed.

Krystle, who she had thought to be dead, was now sitting up, a malicious grin spreading over her face.

“Hello, Bianca,” she said, an insanely evil note in her voice.

“No!” Bianca cried in horror. “You’re dead! Nick stabbed you; he killed you!”

“Nick?” Krystle’s eyes widened in amazement, then she threw her head back and laughed. “Nick! Like that dumbass could pull off something as elaborate at this! Too funny!”

Bianca didn’t think it was funny at all. “You mean… Nick wasn’t… you were…”

“Good job, Bianca! Looks like you’re finally getting the idea!”

“But… how…?”

Krystle smiled. “Well, I guess I should give myself credit here and tell you the whole story, eh? It’s not like you’re going anywhere, and there sure as hell isn’t anyone around to save you. Howie and your precious boyfriend AJ are out of the picture, and Nick’s probably sitting on his fat drunken ass, playing Nintendo.”

AJ… why had she let him to go Nick’s? He was watching the wrong person, protecting her from someone who had nothing to do with any of us. Now she was alone to fight Krystle… or die.

“It all started on that night back in November, with that phone call I made to you at the hotel? Do you remember it, Bianca?” She put on a whiny little girl’s voice. “ ‘Howie and I had a fight, Bean. Will you meet me in the café so we can talk?’ Remember?”

Bianca remembered. She recalled being woken up by the phone, talking to Krystle, telling her she would meet her in the café… and letting AJ go instead.

“But you didn’t meet me, did you?” Krystle said accusingly, glaring at Bianca. “You sent your boyfriend instead. And so he was killed. But I really wanted you to die, Bianca, not AJ. It’s all your fault it was the wrong person! It’s your fault AJ died!”

“No!” Bianca cried, her eyes filling with tears.

“Oh yes,” Krystle said firmly, her eyes gleaming evilly. “It was so sad, finding out that AJ was dead, and you were still alive. But how was a person supposed to know it was AJ and not you? He was wearing your sweatshirt, that gray one you always wore around places. He even had the hood up! In the dark, it was impossible to tell him apart from you.”

This confirmed what Bianca had realized before. She should have died, not AJ. And now she would. It seemed the time had come. No… please, God, no, Bianca begged. She didn’t want to die. It was too soon, she was too young. Please don’t let her kill me.

But even if she turned and ran now, what would she do? Where would she go? There was no one to help her. Krystle would chase her, would ultimately catch up to her, and would slaughter her one way or another.

Desperate, Bianca squeezed her eyes shut, willed up all the hope and faith she had within her, and cried out in her mind, “AJ! AJ, HELP! HELP ME, AJ! HELP ME!”

She had no idea if AJ would sense her mental cry. But it was worth a try. After all, it seemed he was her last hope. Without his help, she was sure she would die.

***

AJ was watching Nick sit on a large cushion on the floor, playing his Nintendo Gamecube, an open beer can sitting on the floor beside him, when Bianca’s tortured scream rang out in his head.

“AJ! AJ, HELP! HELP ME, AJ! HELP ME!”

“Bianca!” AJ cried. He glanced at Nick and then realized the truth – he had it all wrong! Nick was not the killer after all! It was someone else… and that someone was with Bianca at this very moment.

AJ thought quickly. His first instinct was to transport himself to Howie’s house immediately. But what good would that do? What would he do once he got there? Watch this person kill his love? How could he possibly stop the murderer with his measly angel powers? All he could do was materialize his hands, and how would that help? No, he needed someone else’s help. He knew he could get Brian to help, but Brian was in Georgia. There was obviously no way he could get there in time.

AJ looked at Nick again, and he realized Nick was the one, the only one who could help him save Bianca now.

***

As soon as she had called to AJ, Bianca felt a surge of hope rush through her. She opened her eyes and decided she would stall Krystle, keep her talking and hope that AJ would come to help her, hope that his angelic powers were a match for her human rage.

“Krystle,” she said, her voice shaking with fear, “Why? Why did you try to kill me?”

“Well, here’s why I wanted to kill you – it’s sort of petty, I guess – I wanted AJ for myself. It wasn’t fair – why should you get the hot one when all I had was Howie? Howie was rich, and that was nice, but I wanted more. AJ… now AJ was a true find. Sexy, provocative, and exciting… he was the one I wanted. You didn’t deserve him. You’re so plain… so… uninteresting. AJ belonged with someone like me. He just didn’t realize it. But I knew that once you were dead, and he had gotten over it, he would begin to see the light… begin to see me in a new light, actually… I already began to set it up when I got him to sleep with me.”

“What?!”

Krystle cackled. “Oh, he didn’t tell you, did he? Of course not. Well, I guess I’m obligated to fill you in now. Your loyal, faithful, loving boyfriend betrayed you, Bianca. He cheated on you. He slept with me, just two nights before he died.” She grinned broadly at the shocked expression on Bianca’s face.

“No!” Bianca cried. “No, you’re lying! AJ would never sleep with you, you jealous bitch!”

Krystle’s grin grew wider. “Oh yes, he would! Especially once I slipped a little gin in his Coke and got him nice and plastered!”

“You bitch!” Bianca spat.

“That’s right, and I’m proud of it,” said Krystle. “Anyway, that was step one. Step two was to tell Howie. That was the night AJ died, the night I called you from the bar. Howie was pissed. I was sure he would dump me, and then AJ and I would be free to hook up later. Unfortunately, none of that happened. AJ died not long after that, and after that, Howie forgave me. The plan failed. But it won’t fail again.” She grinned psychotically at Bianca. “There is something else I should tell you though,” she said, taking a step forward.

“What?” asked Bianca, taking a step backward.

“You asked me why I tried to kill you. Well, to be honest, I didn’t try to kill you.”

“What? What’s that supposed to mean? Of course you-“

“No,” said Krystle, “I didn’t.”

“Then who did?”

Krystle cleared her throat, put on a sweet smile, and called in a high, sing-song voice, “You can come in now!”

The living room door swung open, and someone else walked slowly into the living room. As soon as Bianca saw who it was, her voice left her. She could not even scream. She could only gasp in total shock.

***

Chapter 43

“BRIANNA?!?!?”

Brianna Chambers, Bianca’s best friend, stopped just inside the room and smiled, matching the same devious grin Krystle had on her face.

“You look surprised, Bianca,” she said. “We did good, Krys. She never had a clue.”

Krystle grinned. “I know, Bree. Way to go, girl!”

Bianca looked between the two of them. “What the hell is going on here?!” she cried. “H-how did this happen?!”

“It’s all your fault, you know, Bean,” Krystle said. “You had Brianna down to visit once, do you remember? We all went to dinner – Howie and I, you and AJ, and Brianna. That’s how we met. And the rest is history. Brianna and I started talking on the phone – we talked about you at first… and how much we despised you… how much we wanted what you had.”

Bianca’s gaze shot from Krystle to Brianna. “Wanted what I had?” she repeated. “Bree… what? What did you want?”

Brianna laughed bitterly. “Basically everything, Bianca. Let’s compare, shall we? Let’s see – we have you, who graduated college, came to Florida, and started dating a Backstreet Boy. Suddenly you’re living in a perfect world of fame and fortune, while I’m up in North Carolina, working my ass off to support my little boy. I didn’t get to go to college like you, Bianca! I didn’t get to move to Florida! I didn’t get to meet AJ McLean and suddenly have all the nicest things and be recognized and loved! And you… good friend that you are… you didn’t even attempt to share, did you?”

“What? What do you mean, share?”

“You could have invited me down more! You could have introduced me to the other guys! Nick was still single; you could have hooked me up with him! But no! You’re so damn selfish, Bianca! You only think of yourself, not your poor best friend!”

“Brianna, listen to yourself!” Bianca cried. “This is insane! You’re just jealous! That’s no reason to want to kill me!”

“We’re beyond reasoning,” Krystle said, taking a menacing step forward. Bianca could not even step back now, for she would just step further into Brianna’s clutches. Now she was really trapped.

“Now,” said Brianna, “Krystle’s already told you her side of the story. I suppose I need to fill you in on my side. Might as well let you see what geniuses we are before we kill you. Maybe then you can appreciate us.” She grinned satanically. “I did all the killing, the attacking, the stabbing. It was me, not Krystle. That night AJ died… she was down in the café, just like she said, waiting for you. Only we both knew you wouldn’t come. She called, and I waited in your hall, waited for you to come out.” She glanced at Bianca’s shocked face and laughed. “Oh yes, I was there. I believe I told you I was in Alabama, visiting Nicole then, didn’t I? Nope, not true. I was in Fort Lauderdale with you. I was in that hall. And I killed your boyfriend. I thought he was you. I’d seen you wear that sweatshirt before – you wore it around the house the one time you let me stay with you. It was dark; I didn’t realize it was AJ. I leaped out as he was getting in the elevator and hit him with a baseball bat. The blow alone killed him. Then, once he was dead, it was time to do the carving. The plan was to make the death look like a serial killing. So I rolled him over to carve the smiley face in his stomach. Imagine the surprise I got when I saw it was him and not you. But it didn’t phase me. I knew there would be another chance to correct my mistake. I knew it would be best to go ahead and finish my task. So I carved the happy face into his stomach. And it worked, for awhile. Everyone believed the Smiley Face Killer murdered him.”

“What about Howie?” Bianca asked, her voice a dry whisper.

“That was easy. I wore a padded bodysuit and special shoes that would make me tall, so I would look more like a man to Howie – another way to rule me out as a suspect, of course – not like you would have ever suspected me anyway. Then I followed Howie into the kitchen as he was putting away groceries, and I stabbed him in the back. Piece of cake. Then I went for Krystle. She knew what was coming, of course. We had practiced.”

“I used to be an actress, you know,” interjected Krystle. “That’s how Howie and I met actually – I auditioned for the video for ‘The Call’. You probably didn’t know that though. You didn’t care.”

“I-“ Bianca started, but Brianna screamed, “Shut up! Let me finish!” Bianca fell silent.

“Thank you,” Brianna said with a smile and continued, “Yeah, Krystle was an actress. So her screams of agony were quite realistic. And of course, being an actress, she knew people in the business. She was able to get lots of fake blood to use so her death looked real to Howie, who was lying half-dead on the floor. Then, once she was ‘dead’, I dragged her out of the room, and Howie never realized it was all an act. That plan went off without a hitch.”

“And that’s basically it, I guess,” said Krystle. “That brings us up to now. Time to finish our plans.” A malevolent smirk spread across her face. “Time to… finish you.”

***

AJ watched Nick, desperately trying to come up with a way to reach him, to make him believe before it was too late. Nick was smiling now. He had gotten a high score on his game. A screen had come up for him to put his initials in for the high score list. And AJ knew this was his chance. He solidified both his hands – something he had never done before – reached out, and grabbed the Nintendo controller out of Nick’s hands.

Nick screamed in surprise and fright. From his perspective, all he saw was the controller being ripped out of his hands by some invisible force. Now he saw it being held in midair.

“AHHHHH!” he screamed, jumping to his feet. But before he ran screaming out of the room, something made him glance at the TV. A letter A had appeared in the spot for the first initial on his game. He watched as the letters flipped by in the second space – A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I… J. It stopped on J. AJ.

“Oh God!” Nick cried. “AJ?!”

And suddenly, he saw him. Or what had to be him anyway, though it didn’t look like him. It was a sort of light thing. It was a shimmery gold color and sort of elongated, like a vague human shape. It hovered off the ground right where the Nintendo controller was suspended in midair.

“AJ… is that you?”

And suddenly, he heard AJ, heard his voice as if it were not just in his ears, but right inside his head.

“It’s me, Nicky.”

“Oh my God! AJ, how… what…?”

“There’s no time to explain now, Kaos. Bianca’s in trouble. I need your help. We have to get to Howie’s house NOW.”

“But, why? What’s going on?”

“No time. Close your eyes and concentrate on Howie’s house. Concentrate hard,” AJ instructed.

Confused, thinking this was maybe just a hallucination of his slightly drunk mind, Nick had no choice but to obey. He closed his eyes and pictured Howie’s house in his mind. And suddenly, he felt as if he were falling, as if he were passing out. Too much to drink, he thought vaguely, as the vertigo increased.

And then, suddenly, it stopped. And when he slowly opened his eyes again, he was lying on the grass outside Howie’s house.

***

Chapter 44

“No…” Bianca whispered, looking from Krystle to Brianna. “No, please, you can’t do this!”

“Oh yes, we can!”

“We can, and we will!”

With identical sneers, they both began to advance on Bianca. Brianna reached into her jacket and pulled out sheathed knives. She unsheathed one, letting the cover fall to the floor. She held it out towards Bianca in a threatening way and then tossed the other over Bianca’s head to Krystle. Bianca leaped and made a mad grab for the knife, but it was out of her reach. Krystle reached out to catch it… and missed.

Acting on pure impulse, Bianca took advantage of this slip up and lunged for the knife. She grabbed it, knocking Krystle off her feet in the process. Krystle tumbled backward, hitting her head hard on the corner of the mantelpiece of the fireplace behind her as she fell. She collapsed in a heap against the hearth and slumped over, unconscious from the blow to her head. Removing the knife she had recovered from its sheath, Bianca turned on Brianna. The two young women, formerly best friends, came at each other, knives out.

Brianna jabbed her knife at Bianca, and Bianca brought her knife swiftly down, letting it slice into Brianna’s arm. Brianna screamed in pain and rage and retracted her arm, keeping a tight grip on the knife.

“BITCH!” she screamed in fury, lunging at Bianca. Screaming, Bianca darted out of the way. Brianna stepped back, and Bianca held her breath. Was she giving up?

No.

With a roar, Brianna lunged again, but this time, she went low, grabbing Bianca’s legs before she had the chance to move away and brining her crashing to the floor. The knife clattered out of Bianca’s hand, and she was defenseless. She cowered on the floor, looking up, watching Brianna advance on her, the knife ready to stab into her body.

She knew this was the end. AJ had not heard her cry. AJ couldn’t help her now. It was all over.

But, actually, it was not. For at that moment, Nick Carter burst into the room. He grabbed the first thing within his reach – a glass vase with a bouquet of wilted flowers sitting on a plant stand. He raised it over his head, darted forward, and brought it down with a shattering crash on top of Brianna’s head.

A stunned, dazed expression came over Brianna’ head. The knife fell from her hand, and she swayed on her feet. Then her eyes rolled back into her head, and she collapsed to the ground.

“Nick!” Bianca cried in disbelief.

But Nick did not answer her. Instead, he grabbed the knife that had fallen from Brianna’s hand and stabbed it right into her chest, over her heart. Bianca screamed as Brianna’s body began to twitch, then fell motionless. Her chest rose raggedly a few times, then stopped. She was dead.

“It’s okay, Bianca,” Nick said softly, reaching out to her. “It’s okay.” He came over to her and offered her his hand. She took it, and he pulled her to her feet, then wrapped her in a hug. “I know about AJ,” he whispered in her ear.

“AJ?” Bianca pulled away from Nick and looked. There, behind Nick, was the Gold Light. AJ had come to her after all. “AJ!” she cried, her eyes filling with tears.

“He brought me here,” said Nick. “He said you were in trouble.”

“He heard me,” Bianca whispered. “He heard me call him.” She smiled tearfully at AJ’s light. “He’s my angel, my protector.”

“And I did my job, didn’t I?” said AJ in her mind.

“Yes,” she said back. “You sure did.”

“Come on, Bean, let’s get out of here. You can come to my house and stay for awhile, if you want,” said Nick.

Bianca nodded. “Okay,” she said. “Thank you, Nick. For everything.” She felt very guilty then, realizing that she had thought he was the killer. How could she have been so wrong?

“Aww… isn’t that sweet?” a voice said suddenly.

Bianca and Nick spun around in horror. Krystle was standing behind them, the knife Bianca had used gripped tightly in her hand.

“Bianca, Bianca, Bianca,” Krystle said tauntingly. “How dim can you be? Remember how I said I was an actress? Well, I was acting just now. I wasn’t as out of it as you thought. Never turn your back on the bad guy if you’re not sure they’re dead.” She grinned evilly. “Oh well. It doesn’t matter. You’ll pay for your mistake now.”

And she advanced on them, the knife raised. Nick started to reach down to grab the other knife from Brianna’s chest, but Krystle lunged at him, causing him to stagger back, knifeless. Krystle laughed. “Watch out, Carter,” she said tauntingly. “I’m going to-“

BAM!

Krystle never got to finish that sentence. For at that moment, she staggered back, clutching her stomach, and collapsed to the floor.

Nick and Bianca’s heads whirled around. There, in the doorway of the living room, stood Mr. Gunzenmeier, a gun cocked in his hand, smoke billowing from its barrel.

“Perfect shot,” he said, baring his yellow teeth and twirling the gun on his finger. “Excuse me, please,” he said to Nick and Bianca, crossing the room to where Krystle lay.

Krystle was not acting this time, Bianca could see. Her breath was coming in ragged gasps, and blood was seeping through the cracks between her fingers, which were covering the bullet wound in her stomach.

“I know it don’t quite fit the pattern,” Mr. Gunzenmeier said, seemingly to no one in particular, “but that don’t matter. You ain’t part of the pattern. This is what you get, girlie.”

Bianca stared at the old man, realizing he was talking to Krystle. But what was he talking about?

“This is what you get for tryin’ to steal my identity, for using my trademark!”

“What… what are… you… talking… about?” Krystle gasped, her chest heaving as she struggled for air.

“The happy face! You and your friend there stole it! That was my trademark!” Mr. Gunzenmeier exclaimed. Then, leering, he continued darkly, “Nobody likes a copycat. You steal, you pay. You stole my identity. Now you’re payin’ for it, ain’t you?”

And then Bianca realized what he meant.

“You’re… you’re the Smiley Face Killer!”

***

Chapter 45

Mr. Gunzenmeier laughed.

“You got it, dearie! I’m the Smiley Face Killer. And I been watching these two –“ He motioned to Brianna and Krystle. “- for a few days now. Finally put it all together. I was out by Lake Winnopega dumpin’ a body the day you wrecked your car. This one here –“ He pointed at the dying Krystle. “- was drivin’ the other one’s rental car. She ran you off the road, and then, when you was unconscious, she injected ya with somethin’. I knew then she had to be involved with your boyfriend dyin’. Then I watched the other one and this one come runnin’ outta here the other day, this one all covered in blood. And then her boyfriend was brought out to the ambulance, and I knew somethin’ else bad had happened. I kept watchin’, and I saw you come over yesterday. And then, tonight, I saw them come over, and then him-“ He pointed to Nick. “-and I knew this was the final showdown. I got here just in time, eh?”

Bianca reached for Nick’s hand. He grabbed it tightly. They both stood stock still, breathing quickly, unsure of what to do. This man had saved them from Krystle… but he was also a murderer himself. And he had just admitted to it.

“Oh, go on, I ain’t gonna kill ya,” Mr. Gunzenmeier said. “It’s time to quit anyway. I killed enough to hopefully go down in the books, just like all the greats. That’s all I wanted.”

Bianca stared at him in disgust, remembering the many times he had come into Barnes and Noble, buying books about Jack the Ripper and others. All this time… she had been selling books to a serial killer. That time she had seen him near Lake Winnopega, when she had gotten a flat tire, he had probably just come from dumping another body. She shivered.

“I’m gonna call the police. Turn myself in,” said Mr. Gunzenmeier. “But first…” He walked over to Krystle, who was barely moving now, her chest rising and falling weakly as she took in shallow, raspy breaths. And he kicked her, hard, in the ribs. Krystle let out a weak moan of pain, and then her head lolled to the side, her eyes open and blank. Her chest stopped rising.

“My last victim,” Mr. Gunzenmeier announced with a sick sort of pride.

Nick squeezed Bianca’s hand and dragged her out of the room. She walked quickly with him, feeling sick to her stomach, desperate to get out of that room, out of that house. AJ followed. No one spoke until they were all outside. Then Nick said, weakly, “That was the most fucked up thing I’ve ever heard.”

Bianca nodded, then leaned over and threw up in one of Howie’s flowerbeds.

***

Late that night, AJ crept up to the guest bedroom in Nick’s house where Bianca was sleeping. He was filled with a jumble of emotions – excitement, pride, and a little sadness. He had completed his mission; he knew that now. Saving Bianca from his killer – killers, actually – that had been his mission. He had not done it alone, but he had been given the power to get Nick’s help, and together – with the help of Mr. Gunzenmeier, of course – they had saved her. But now that his mission was complete, he knew what was to come of him. He was going to go on, like Lindy had. But before he did, there was one last thing he had to do. Lindy had done it. He remembered it vividly.

AJ watched as the tearful woman reached out a trembling hand towards Lindy. Lindy reached back. And then, with a burst of silver light, their hands touched. Lindy opened her arms wide and pulled her sobbing mother into them… and their bodies did not pass through each other. Somehow, in some way, Lindy had become solid. And now AJ was sure that her mother was not just seeing her light… but her, her in her solid, human form.

They hugged for a long time, clinging to each other, both crying. AJ, feeling again like an intruder, slowly backed away and slipped out of the room. He walked slowly back to the living room and sat down on the couch, feeling a little shaky himself. What he had just seen went against everything he had learned from Lindy, that angels can not solidify their whole bodies at one time, that angels cannot be seen, except as a light…

“She made herself solid,” he said to himself now. “She had the power to solidify her entire body.” He remembered how he had solidified both hands at the same time – something he had never done before. Would he be able to solidify more? Would he be able to hold Bianca just once more, as a sort of reward for completing his mission?

He had to try. And so, standing just inside the bedroom where Bianca lay, sound asleep, AJ summoned all of his strength and concentrated as hard as he could. He solidified his hands first easily, then his arms. Then he solidified his chest all the way down to his legs. Empowered by his sudden abilities, he kept going, solidifying his shoulders and his neck, and finally, his head. And then he walked over to Bianca’s bed. He stood next to it, reached out, and stroked her hair. For the first time in almost two months, his fingers felt its soft silkiness.

“Bianca,” he whispered. Would she be able to hear him out loud now?

Her eyes fluttered open. “AJ?” she mumbled softly, looking up. Then, as she focused on him, her eyes widened, and she screamed.

“Shh, Bean, don’t be afraid!” AJ said quickly. “It’s okay!”

“AJ! H-how did you…?”

“It’s my reward. I completed my mission,” he said. “This happened to Lindy too, before she left.”

“You’re leaving? Going to Heaven?”

“Yes.”

“No! No, AJ, you can’t leave me!” Bianca cried, her eyes filling with tears.

“Shh, don’t cry,” AJ whispered. “You know I won’t really be gone. I’ll still be watching you, until the day when we can meet again.”

“AJ, that’s so… sappy,” Bianca said through her tears.

“I know,” AJ said with a smile. “Now come here.” He held out his hand to her.

Bianca stared at the hand for a moment, afraid if she reached out to touch it, he would disappear. It seemed too good to be true. But, cautiously, she reached for it. Their fingers touched. His hand was solid. She gasped and pulled back a bit at first. But then, sure that he was really there, she reached out again and held his hand. He pulled her gently to him and wrapped both arms around her. Her arms went around him, and she snuggled up against his chest, remembering how safe and comfortable she felt in his arms. She began to cry again, but these were tears of happiness. It was almost as if AJ had been brought back to life.

“I can’t stay long,” AJ whispered, cradling her against him. “Sooner or later, the Light will come for me like it did for Lindy.”

“I know,” Bianca said, holding him tighter, wishing she could restrain him from the Light, knowing she could not. “AJ?”

“Yeah?”

Bianca looked up. “Kiss me.”

AJ’s lips turned up in a faint smile. He lowered his head slowly, and she lifted her chin. Their lips drifted together and touched. The kiss was soft, gentle, and full of love. Bianca’s arms came around his neck as she pressed her lips to his, never wanting to the kiss to end. But ultimately, it had to. They broke apart reluctantly.

And then came the Light. It descended slowly and filled the room with its divine brightness.

“It’s time,” AJ said quietly.

“I know,” Bianca said back. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

They backed away from each other and then stood side by side, holding hands. Then, resignedly, AJ stepped forward into the light. He felt an overwhelming sense of peace and joy come over him, and he knew it was going to be okay. He smiled at Bianca, whose eyes were spilling over with tears, half of happiness, half of sadness. As the white Light surrounded him, AJ felt his body being lifted up into the air. His grip on Bianca’s hand was broken. He watched her, looking into her eyes for as long as he could. But in the end, the Light enveloped him, and he could see her no more. He closed his eyes and let it take him away, to the golden sky that was Heaven.

Lindy was waiting for him when he arrived.

“Hey, McLean, not bad!” she greeted him. AJ grinned and gave Lindy a hug. She laughed. “So, you missed me, huh?”

“Oh, how could I not, Lindy?” AJ retorted teasingly.

Lindy grinned and grabbed his hand. “Well, I missed you. Come on.”

And together, hand in hand, they walked on to eternity.

***

Epilogue

Bianca watched as AJ disappeared and knew that he was in a better place. She was alone now, yes, but she knew she should be happy for him. He was in Heaven, and someday, she would get there herself, and they could be together again.

Only she was not alone. A figure stood in the doorway, watching. “Bianca?” he said softly.

Bianca looked over. “Nick? How long have you been there?”

“Since the kiss,” Nick admitted. “What the heck just happened there?”

Bianca smiled tearfully. “AJ went home,” she said simply.

Nick walked into the room and rested a hand on her shoulder. “Are you okay?” he asked.

She nodded. “Everything’s going to be all right now,” she said.

“Yeah.”

She looked up at him then, at his face, which was illuminated by the moonlight shining in through the windows. “Can I ask you something, Nick?”

“What?”

“The stickers. The happy face stickers. AJ found them in your desk, and they were the same kind that were on the pictures I’d been getting in the mail. Where did you get them?”

“What pictures?” Nick asked.

Bianca explained quickly about the two pictures she had gotten with stickers over AJ and Krystle’s faces. And then she asked again, “Where did you get those stickers?”

“I found them on the floor the other night when we all ate dinner together, the night before Bri and Kev left,” Nick replied. “They were in the room we were eating in. I guess Krystle must have dropped them from her purse or something.”

“Oh. Well that explains that then.”

“Hey, wait a minute… did you think that… that I was the killer?!”

Bianca grinned sheepishly. “Sorry,” she said. “But it all made so much sense. The stickers, the green car, the envelope sitting on top of my address in your address book… and the fact that I know you’ve never really liked me much.”

Nick stared at her. “Is that what you think? That I don’t like you?”

Bianca raised her eyebrows. “Well, you’ve never acted like you have,” she said. “You always seemed to avoid me or ignore me. I just never felt like you liked me much.”

“I’m sorry,” Nick said softly. “That wasn’t it at all, Bianca. The thing is – I do like you. A lot.”

Bianca cocked her head at him. “What do you mean, you like me a lot?”

Nick shifted uncomfortably and refused to look her in the eye. A shy sort of smile that was quite endearing came over his face. “I mean just that. I like you. Like, like you, like you.”

Bianca stared at him. “You do??”

“Yeah… I guess I was sort of jealous of AJ for awhile when he started going out with you. And I’m not really that great at talking to girls I like, so I guess that’s why I sort of tried to avoid you.”

Bianca’s heart melted. “Oh, Nick,” she said. “I had no idea!” He just smiled uncertainly. “Were you ever planning on telling me?”

“Well…” He hesitated, then went on, “Actually, I wrote you a letter… a… a love letter, I guess you could say.” He laughed self-consciously. “I wrote it and shoved it in an envelope and even went so far as to look up your address to send it to you, but then… I kinda chickened out.”

“That letter! That was it, wasn’t it?”

“What?”

“When AJ found the stickers, he found your address book too, and it was open to the page my name was on. There was an envelope lying on top, and we both thought it was another one of those pictures with the stickers.”

“Oh…” Nick blushed. “Yeah, that was it.”

Bianca grinned. “Aww… that’s so sweet, Nick.”

Nick turned even redder. “Hey, um, Bianca? Since I’m saying all this to you, I just have to ask – I know this is really soon, but do you think that… someday… there might be a relationship or something between us?”

Bianca studied him for a moment, then said. “You’re right, it is too soon. But maybe someday. After all, you did save my life – with AJ’s help, of course.”

“Of course,” Nick said, smiling.

“And,” Bianca continued, lowering her voice to a whisper, “Don’t tell AJ, but you were always my favorite Backstreet Boy.”

***

The next afternoon, after a long visit with Howie at the hospital, Bianca finally went home, feeling safe there once again. Krystle and Brianna were dead, and according to the news reports she had heard that morning, Mr. Gunzenmeier had indeed turned himself in. The Smiley Face Killer was now behind bars.

AJ was gone too, and there was an emptiness without him, but Bianca knew it was for the best. He was in a better place now, and someday, she would get there too, and then they could be together again. But for now, she would move on. She would always love AJ, but she might grow to love someone else to. She would always remember AJ, but she would make new memories. She would always grieve for AJ, but she would rejoice for other things. Her life would never be the same as it was when he was in it, but it would not be miserable either. Just different.

Bianca had a smile on her face when she reached her home. She knew she had not totally come to terms with what had happened yet, but she would eventually. Today marked the first day of that process.

Before turning into the driveway, Bianca stopped at the mailbox and got her mail. There was the usual supply of magazines, catalogues, junk mail, and bills. And there was also a letter for her. One last letter, addressed to her in bold block letters, no return address. Snickering, she tore open the envelope and shook out the single picture that was inside. Just as she had suspected, it was the same picture as before, and this time, her face was covered with a happy face sticker as well.

“Sorry, guys,” Bianca said out loud. “I won this time.”

Then she tore the picture into shreds and drove on.


The End