What I Want, What You Need by Anastacia
Summary:

When she came into his life, Nick Carter knew that things had to change. No more parties. No more groupies. No more drinking. No more cigarettes. No more one-night-stands. Everything in his life had to be for her. Everything in his life had to be about her. After all, she was his everything. But, somewhere along that road of zealous purity, he lost himself. Had forgotten what was so special about himself. Had forgotten what he truly needed. That is, until another woman came along…



Categories: Fanfiction > Backstreet Boys Characters: Group, Nick
Genres: Drama, Humor, Romance
Warnings: Graphic Sexual Content, Sexual Content
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 5 Completed: No Word count: 13440 Read: 8135 Published: 07/19/07 Updated: 10/30/07

1. Prologue by Anastacia

2. Chapter 1 by Anastacia

3. Chapter 2 by Anastacia

4. Chapter 3 by Anastacia

5. Chapter 4 by Anastacia

Prologue by Anastacia
Author's Notes:
Another new story, I know, but I'm working steadily on the others. I could not get this idea out of my head. So, with some insistance from my beloved Posie, I wrote it. Hopefully she finds her muse as well. I miss it.
Prologue


Perfectly content in a state of deep unconsciousness, her entrance into his dark bedroom could have only been adequately described as feeling like an impressive kamikaze aerial attack during the Second World War. The element of surprise had certainly been in her favor because of his bear-like tendencies, especially when a giggling girl leapt onto his stomach. Grunting in shock when her feet dug deep into the flesh of his stomach, he was convinced that had been the atomic bomb, but it got worse. Her shriek of excitement sounded like an alarm for the aerial raid that had already descended upon him, leaving him no time to duck underneath the nearest desk, and her flying of limbs were little explosions over his encampment. Fighting his damnedest beneath the sheets, he found himself entangled in the deepest and thickest foliage, trapped in a clever ground attack of the dreaded tickle tortures.

“PJ!” Nick Carter grunted in disbelief, seizing up the squirming bundle when he finally managed to free his hands from beneath the mountain of blankets. Staring at her wide-eyed expression of pure innocence, he reminded himself to keep a firm hold of her torso from beneath her arms. She was a sly adversary, especially with her irresistible adorableness. So, slowly shifting from beneath the warmth of his bed, he raised up from bed like Dracula from his favorite coffin, keeping his attacker subdued.

“Morning’ Daddy,” the little girl cooed, puckering her lips to offer a loving kiss that would cure Satan of his evil. But, when he kept her at an arm’s length in attempts to hold firm to his annoyance, she fussed with disbelief. Her rosebud lips pursed with her own annoyance, attempting to connect her feet with his chest. “Daddy!”

“You could have killed me, PJ!” he exclaimed, wanting to make a point that he was not to be roused from such a deep state of sleep. Of course… He had made that claim several times before this and she had never listened. But, then again, he had always caved beneath her kisses. After all, he could never deny her as his flesh and blood, neither physically nor spiritually. He loved her far too much and she had seemed to inherit every genetic feature of him.

“Not-uh!”

“You popped my spleen!”

“You didn’t le’me kiss it be’dder!”

“My heart nearly stopped when you screamed like a Banshee from Hell!”

Screwing up her face in disgust, she retorted, “I ain’t Aunt Leighanne!”

Immediately chuckling in amusement at her clever quip, Nick finally brought his daughter into a warm embrace of welcome. Her petite form fit so perfectly within his arms, still small enough to sprawl over his chest comfortably, but big enough for him to feel comfortable drifting asleep in such a position without fear of losing her. Making sure to blow a wet raspberry upon her cheek, he reveled in the giggle of delight that it brought forth before she yawned against his shoulder. Reaching out for the blankets he had ripped away for defensive measures, he laid back upon the mattress, helping her snuggle close before hiding them in their favorite place. Feeling her tiny fingers curl within his t-shirt, he thanked God for allowing him the chance to raise a daughter as bright and charming as his PJ.

After all, today was a day to celebrate and recognize what a difference PJ had made in his life. In fact, exactly four years ago, he had held his daughter, Charlotte, in his arms for the first time. She had been born in the early morning, which had convinced him she would be an early riser her entire life, but it didn’t matter. Whether it had been late in the night or early in the day, he had still marveled at the amount of pride he felt that day. Holding all five pounds of her, he had never felt such a powerful strength nor such an overwhelming fear within him before. But, he had promised her the world and refused to break it. She deserved that much, if not more.

She deserved the world because Charlotte Loraine Carter – though he called her PJ, which was short for Precious Jewel – was the rarest of all beauties in this world. She was small for her age, but that simply made her far more loveable. Her lips were plump and almost irresistible when puckered into a pout. Her beautiful thick locks had grown considerably since she was born and Nick hadn’t the heart to have them trimmed. Something about cutting a woman’s hair seemed so sinful. Instead, he had allowed her flaxen locks to grow down to her waist and was fascinated with how the light golden highlights glistened in the California sunlight. And those beautiful baby-blues. She had inherited the deep sapphire irises of her father. A gorgeous child. She had been the envy of the nursery and now she was the pride and joy of the ‘celebrity-baby-mania’ phenomena.

“What are you thinking, Daddy?” PJ suddenly inquired when Nick drifted into the memories that had led him to this particular point. Some cherished. Some regretted. And others far too painful to dwell upon. Despite her intelligence, PJ couldn’t even begin to understand the contemplative streak that had befallen him on her birthday, but it wasn’t her place to. As usual, she had drawn him from his soured mood, lifting his spirits with a simple smile.

“I’m thinking about all the presents I got you…” Nick confided with a lopsided smile. “I think we might have to buy a new house to hold them all…”

PJ suddenly grinned, the sparkle in her eyes akin to the most extraordinary blue sapphires. “Good ones?”

“The best!” Nick assured with a dramatic wave of his hand, though he made sure to return his hand to gently tweak her nose. “And damn better than what your Uncle Howie got you. I’m not going to be shown up by that Latin Looney again… But…”

“But what?”

“I’m dying to know something…”

“Baylee didn’t kiss me again, p’omise.”

“Charlotte Loraine—”

“I love you, Daddy,” she cooed sweetly.

“I love you too… But, I have to know, PJ…”

“What?”

“What do you want the most for your birthday?”

PJ leaned back, mirroring the intensity of her father’s previous contemplation deep contemplation. Her lips puckered and her brow wrinkled as she pulled herself up from the deep snuggle. Placing a hand upon her father’s chest, she connected their foreheads. “I want a Mommy.”
Chapter 1 by Anastacia
Chapter 1


“Great work! I just can’t… Wow… Why don’t you take a ten minute break while I take this message?” Howie Dorough communicated through the intercom system of his recording studio, waiting for his hopeful starlet to signal in agreement from the sound booth. When she smiled sweetly and popped both thumbs upward, he immediately turned to the opposite intercom system that specifically kept him in touch with his secretary. He had been known as the “gadget-guru” amongst his band-mates, especially when they toured about the world, so it was no surprise that his music producing business would be any different. In fact, since signing a few local artists, he had actually allowed himself the upgrades to take in his current project. So, when the intercom crackled to life, he asked what was needed since being beeped several times during the recording. It was unusual for him to forward a call, but since discovering this new talent he had found himself distancing. For the first time since working on the newest project for the Backstreet Boys, he had immersed himself within the creative process for another potentially award winning singer. When he was with her, he did not want to be bothered for minor inconveniences. Something about her extraordinary talent demanded his full concentration—

“I am so sorry to interrupt, Mr. Dorough, but you have some very important guests—”

“UNCLE HOWIE!”

Whirling around in his thick leather chair, Howie’s dark coffee eyes widened in delight at seeing the small bundle of energy come exploding through the production studio. Like usual, she and her father had not bothered to wait for the secretary to buzz them in. Instead, they simply signaled to her and walked straight back, but Howie didn’t mind. Nick had always been the adopted little brother within the Dorough family. And Charlotte was his goddaughter after all and she deserved the perks of such an important position. “Charlie!”

“Today’s my birthday!” Charlotte exclaimed, making sure to remind him of the special occasion as she jumped onto his lap. Throwing her arms about his neck, she smacked several kisses to his beard-roughened face. “Are you coming to my party?”

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” Howie assured, squeezing her playfully as if he were using all his might. When she giggled, he rubbed his stubble-ridden cheek against hers and helped her settle in his lap. Taking a quick glance at her, he smiled ruefully at the state of her appearance. Her long flaxen locks were tossed into a high ponytail, because Nick could hardly manage a French braid without creating a rat’s nest of knots. Then, her wardrobe consisted of a pair of frayed jean-shorts, baggy Journey band t-shirt, and two mismatched socks – one orange and one blue. “…Did the maid forget to do laundry?”

“You know we do our own laundry,” Nick scuffed, collapsing onto the empty executive chair after rooting through the mini-fridge to retrieve a soda. Popping the top, he took a long swallow, still somewhat groggy from Charlotte’s wakeup call.

“And I know that you matched the socks, because I can still remember those years on tour where you’d end up with a bright pink sock and a black one together, but still go out on stage like you were the hottest thing this side of the equator.”

“Call it a experiment in creative expression,” Nick retorted with a sly smirk. “Besides, PJ loves it when her Daddy matches socks, right?”

“Yes’m,” Charlotte agreed with a vigorous nod, lifting her legs for Howie’s inspection. “See Uncle Howie, I got orange and blue in my shirt! They match!”

“No arguing with the Carter logic,” Howie acquiesced, tickling Charlotte till she squealed with laughter. “…So, how is my favorite birthday girl?”

“Anxious!” Charlotte confessed with a huff of a breath, grinning cheekily when Howie’s dark eyes bulged in surprise. “What?”

“Do you even know what anxious means?”

“Crazy ‘cited?”

Glancing to Nick with amusement, Howie shook his head. “Don’t let your father tell you what words mean anymore. Okay, Charlie?”

“Okay, Uncle Howie,” Charlotte agreed with a meaningless shrug of her shoulders before sliding off his lap. Glancing about the studio, she made sure to do a quick sweep of the entire area, looking for something wrapped in brightly colored paper. Howie had always been the one to give her a birthday present before her party, no matter what her father said.

“What are you looking for, PJ?” Nick called casually, already knowing the answer, but finding her sneakiness entertaining.

“…Nothing…” Charlotte drawled out, throwing an expectant look toward Howie.

“You look like you’re trying to find something pretty important…” Howie trailed.

“No…” Charlotte promised, glancing causally toward her father to observe his features. When he raised his dark blonde brows in question, she released a soft sigh and went to peer inside the recording booth. She knew better than to ask for a gift, especially since she would receive many gifts later in the evening. But, when she noticed the bright pink gift nestled in the corner, she squealed. “Uncle Howie! Is that for me?!”

“You know any other little girl that I love so much with a birthday today?” Howie asked with a chuckle.

“No!”

“Then I suppose that’s for you?”

“Great!” Charlotte cried, racing into the sound booth and diving at the package as if it were a lifeline.

“D, you really didn’t have to give her something before the party,” Nick murmured, though he smiled just the same when Charlotte’s jubilee carried into their area. She was so enthralled with life and it gave him hope for a better world. And Howie had been there to give Nick the support to nurture such a wondrous child, ever since the beginning when the others had doubted his abilities, and he owed Howie so much for that.

“You’re just afraid that I’m going to show you up like last year,” Howie teased lightly.

“Because she really needed a Fisherprice Digital Camera. Jesus, D, do you know how many pictures she has of me surprised in the shower? Ripping the damn glass door open and shrieking… If the media gets hold of that, I’m going to be fucked harder than a virgin on a island of horny men—”

“You’re still such a Drama Queen—”

“Hey, Princess Hair-Do, watch who you’re calling a Queen!”

Howie opened his mouth to defend his need for perfection when it came to hair styling, but Charlotte appeared in the doorway connection the recording station with the sound-booth. Her expression was somewhat mute compared to her electrified personality. So much so that Nick sat up from his slouched position in the leather chair and beckoned her close. “What’d Uncle D get you, PJ?”

“I got a dress,” Charlotte announced, casting an exasperated look toward her father as she held up the present. Sure enough, Howie had taken it upon himself to buy Charlotte a beautiful outfit. The dress jumper was made of light tan colored corduroy and paired with a lavender shirt and matching stockings. Most little girls would have squealed in a fit of joy for such beautiful clothing, but Charlotte was not impressed. She had spent all four years of her life in shorts, jeans, overalls, t-shirts, sweatshirts, and tank tops. Being both father and mother for her, Nick hadn’t the knowledge to teach her femininity. Instead, her raised her as best as he could.

“D…” Nick trailed with a hard groan.

“I just thought it’d be easier for you to dress her if you didn’t have to worry about two pant legs! Just think, one hole for the legs and she’s ready!” Howie insisted.

“You try this on every birthday, Christmas, Easter, and—”

“Can I play in the booth?” Charlotte suddenly inquired, pushing the new clothing into her father’s lap.

“PJ, you know that Uncle D has been pretty busy working with—”

“She’s actually taking a break right now,” Howie intervened before Nick could dismiss his daughter’s request. Whenever she visited the studio, Charlotte had always managed to get into the sound-booth, charming whatever producer to record her singing. Howie had dozens of CDs about his office of her songs, which he always played when he was in need of some uplifting. So, sliding his chair toward the recording station, he grinned. “What are you singing for me today, Charlie?”

“Um… If You Want It To Be Good Girl—”

Nick immediately groaned, “Must she insist on reminding me of my puberty?”

“Nicky, she is a reminder of your puberty.”

“I was twenty-three when she was born, thank-you-very-fucking-much.”

“Just get in there and help your daughter with the headphones.”

*~*~*


Fussing with the soundboard and preparing the music to filter through the headphones, Howie waited for Nick to prep the sound-booth to accommodate Charlotte’s small stature. She was bouncing about the room like a bundle of electrified atoms till Nick seized her up and tickled her. For days that she visited, Howie always kept a smaller size of headphones as well as a larger stool so she could reach the microphone. She loved to sing and dance, something she had inherited from her father and godfathers. Howie remembered several warming sessions on the Never Gone Tour when Baylee and Charlotte had commandeered the stage for their own performance. It took only a minimal amount of time to set up for her, so when she flashed a toothy grin and Nick excused himself from the booth, Howie started the music. Motioning for Nick to join him, he watched as she belted out the lyrics. She knew every song that the Backstreet Boys’ had ever sang, released or unreleased.

“It always amazes me when I watch her sing...” Howie explained as Nick joined him.

“She has dozens of copies of all our CDs in her bedroom and she listens to them while she sleeps. Why should it surprise you?” Nick questioned, unable to hide his proud smile when Charlotte looked his way for encouragement. Waving her on, he chuckled when she did a little dance, throwing her hands upon her hips to bring her usual sassiness to the song.

“Nicky, she’s got an amazing talent for music. With the proper training—”

“You can’t sign her just yet, D. I’m not pushing her into the music business. I know she’s got a gift, but I want her to develop a love for it. I want her to tell me that she wants it. Not the other way around. Y’know?”

“Makes sense, besides, I’m busy enough with Hannah—”

“Oh! So she actually has a name? Because every time I call, you say you’ve got to go because you’re working with her. For all I know, it ain’t music that you’re working on—”

“I do not mix business with pleasure! And I sure as Hell wouldn’t compromise Hannah’s amazing talent—”

“But you’ll boot me out of my recording slot, Howie?”

Jerking upward from his familiar slouched position in the chair, Nick actually felt a firm blush pour into his cheeks at the sound of a sweetly feminine voice invading a personal conversation. And, when he connected the voice to a physical person, he was unable to form any proper sentence of welcoming. If it had been four years early, he would have easily offered a sexual innuendo, mischievous smile, and lured her to the nearest dark corner. But four years of celibacy for the sake of his daughter had damn near obliterated any sexual prowess he had developed in years of stardom.

Besides, even though Howie had been gushing about his new starlet for weeks now, his compliments to her beauty hardly seemed adequate when a man actually met her. She was taller than most women, perhaps about eight inches over five feet, with an sweet outline of curves enhanced by her athletic toning. Her bust was larger than most, but she did nothing to draw attention to that area. Instead, she had dressed herself in layers for the chilly central air of the recording studio, matching a citrus orange zip-up hoodie over a white tank top, a pair of torn, low-riding jeans, and cheap citrus orange flip-flops. Her skin was a light, creamy caramel coloring from California’s blazing sun, just a light kiss from the sun’s rays with no apparent desperation to compulsively bake to a dark bronze. Her long spiral curls were a light golden brown interweaved with natural, dark blonde highlights. Gathered into a high ponytail, even her hair seemed to be spun from the richest gold mines. In all simplicity, she just seemed to glow within the room.

“Hannah!” Howie chuckled, immediately rising to his feet to welcome her despite Nick’s failure to react. “You know I’d never give away your time. You’re far too important to me! And this label! You’re going to make me a millionaire… Again!”

“You say that to all your clients, don’t you?” Hannah teased good-naturedly, lightly patting Howie’s cheek as if she were dismissing him as a senile old man. Her voice was as smooth as the sweetest honey, which complimented her southern drawl. And the little mouth that allowed the warm words to flow was glimmering with a fresh coat of lip-gloss. The light rose-colored lips begged to be controlled by another while her large, almond-shaped, turquoise eyes sparkled like jewels. Even the dark freckle beneath the outer corner of her left eye was charming. A stunning creature of the opposite sex. “I bet you said it to the little darling in the booth, too.”

“She’s a harder client to please, trust me,” Howie laughed, bringing his arm about her petite waist to draw her close. “And this man right here is her manager. He’s absolutely brutal to negotiate with. Won’t let her in the studio for less than three extra-large, extra cheesy pizzas.”

“Then maybe I should hire him,” Hannah mused, turning her beautiful turquoise eyes upon Nick. Tilting her head to the side slightly, she seemed to take in the very essence of him before offering a gentle smile. “Hi, my name’s Hannah Moore.”

“Nick Carter,” he mumbled uneasily, awkwardly clearing his throat underneath her observant gaze. He had never considered himself a living sex-god, but he knew he wasn’t revolting. At least, he hoped he didn’t look revolting as he took a quick look down to his tan leather sandals, khaki shorts, and forest green t-shirt and took a quick sweep of his hands through his platinum streaked blonde locks. He had surpassed six feet in height many years ago and worked out at the gym regularly to keep the taut tone of his arms. He hadn’t the ripped abdominal muscles that most women loved to touch, but more of a rounded abdomen that women squealed was so adorable. His sapphire eyes were of the darkest blue, resembling the deepest reaches of a clean ocean. He had caught many women’s phone numbers in the peak hours of the hottest clubs—

“It’s really nice to meet another one of Howie’s band-mates. I met Mr. Littrell—ah—Brian in Kentucky when Howie first came to me... But, well, it’s just really nice to meet you,” Hannah enthused, reaching out to shake his hand somewhat vigorously. “Howie’s told me so much about you and—”

“Uncle Howie, I hope you got that ‘cause it was my best pe’formance ever!” Charlotte interceded as she stepped into the middle of the trio. Of course, her demands had simmered into a piqued curiosity as she regarded the new woman. Immediately reaching out for the cuff of her father’s khaki shorts, Charlotte pulled herself close to him for protection, sapphire eyes widening. “Who are you?”

“This is Hannah, the new singer that Uncle D is working with,” Nick explained to his daughter, wondering what had caused her sudden streak of shyness. Usually she had no problem offering an adoring smile to a stranger. “Can you tell her your name and say hey?”

Looking up at her father for encouragement, Charlotte then took a careful step toward Hannah. And when Hannah bent down to meet Charlotte’s height, a delighted grin broke onto her cherubic face. Not many adults had taken the time to come to her level. So, observing Hannah for a moment and reaching out to touch a golden brown curl, she finally spoke, “You’re pretty.”

Hannah’s turquoise eyes lit with a delighted surprise, which was mirrored through a beautifully pleased facial expression. Leaning forward, she tucked some of Charlotte’s loose flaxen locks behind her pierced ears. “I’ve got to say that you’re pretty adorable yourself, Charlie.”

Now it was Charlotte’s turn to be surprised. “How did you know my name?!”

“Howie was taking me on a tour of Los Angeles and he said that I was allowed to take control of the CD Player. I was looking through all his CDs and I saw one marked with your name. I put it in and I heard this beautiful little voice. So, of course I had to ask who it was. Howie told me it was done by his most favorite little girl in the entire universe, Charlie Carter. So, when I saw you and how Howie smiled at you, I just knew!” Hannah explained, her southern drawl filled with a childlike animation that caused Charlotte to blossom with enthusiasm.

“Wow! What was your favorite song of mine?”

“Hmm… I’ve got to say my favorite was Poster Girl—”

“That’s not even my best stuff!” Charlotte squealed, immediately turning to her father to yank on his pants in desperate urgency. “Daddy! I like her! A lot!”

“So I noticed,” Nick chuckled, plucking her from the floor before she could completely remove his pants from his waist. He had to say he was impressed with Hannah as well. No other woman had taken such a shine to Charlotte and avoided looking at him. In fact, most women pushed Charlotte out of the way so they could reach him instead. It was a trait that he abhorred in the opposite sex. What had pushed him away from dating since her birth. But Hannah…

“Good! Daddy, tell her to come to my party!”
Chapter 2 by Anastacia
Author's Notes:
For Posie's Insistance.
Chapter 2


The ocean. In all of her twenty-two years on this vast Earth, Hannah had never seen such a large body of water before. She had been born and raised outside of a small town that melted into Lexington, Kentucky. Living in the rural depths of Kentucky, the largest area of water she had ever come across was her family’s favorite pond, which had been a few miles wide and ran off into the nearby river. So, when Howie Dorough had invited her out to California to record an album, her first visit had been to the nearest beach. She had hoped to find solace within the depth of the waters, because the pond had done great wonders in calming her wildness, but something about the ocean intensified her emotions instead. The constant crashing of powerful waves over the shoreline was nothing compared to the calmness of the pond, save for the occasional ripples that occurred when her feet skimmed the surface. Then there was the way the tide changed consistently, which changed the level of the water and the height of the waves... Never relenting… Never stopping…

Now, as she stared out the vehicle window, Hannah found herself riled from the view of the beach and lumbering waves. She had hoped to find something to mellow her, but, instead, she continued to furiously bounce her right leg against the car-mat. It had been a complete shock when Charlotte had insisted that she attend her birthday party that evening. Hannah had sputtered in attempts to kindly decline the offer, not wanting to but in, but Howie had been quite quick to intervene. He had assured Charlotte that he would bring Hannah to the party with him. So, afternoon recording had actually been spent at a variety of shops, Hannah agonizing on what to get such a special four year old. And the present on her lap still didn’t seem adequate—

“Hannah, if you don’t stop that fidgeting, you’re going to punch a hole in the floor of my favorite car. And this car cost more than what your first recorded hit can bring, trust me.”

Halting her foot in mid-bounce, Hannah hurriedly looked over to her producer and realized that he was grinning quite madly. Immediately rolling her turquoise eyes, she allowed her foot to continue to tap upon the floor, more for his agitation than her solace. “Your humor is about as skilled as your flirting, Mr. Dorough—”

“Dear God, it took me long enough to break you of that name. Don’t revert,” Howie groaned, glancing sideways toward his future star before taking a quick right onto the next street. “Wait! Did you just say that I was lacking in the flirting department?!”

Hannah smirked with obvious amusement. “I’m starting to think the only reason you signed me to your label was because you couldn’t get my digits any other way…”

Howie actually turned pink, remembering Nick’s previous accusation of mixing business and pleasure. “That’s just not true—”

“Honestly, Howie, I don’t know how you survived so many years in the limelight without suffering from a severe aneurysm,” Hannah finally interrupted with a hard laugh, rubbing Howie’s shoulder in an effort to comfort him, though it seemed patronizing. “I know that you’d never compromise our business relationship by forcing me into some cliché date-me-or-you-never-work-here-again. Though, I am slightly suspicious of your suggestion to do a nude cover for my CD—”

“Hannah—”

“Kiddin’!” Hannah hurriedly interrupted, drawling out the syllables in her usual southern accent. She did her best to slightly improve the accent since moving to California, knowing that many of the business associates had barely understood her. But, she refused to change too much just to sway public opinion. She was happy with herself and that’s what mattered.

“Glad to see that gloomy mood has been lifted,” Howie grunted when he veered once more onto another street, allowing Hannah to notice how grand the houses were becoming. Glancing over casually, he noticed her foot was still rapidly colliding with the floor of his car. “Though you’re most definitely trying to ruin my favorite car.”

“I am not.”

“What has got you all riled?”

“I just don’t understand why you insisted that I come to the party,” Hannah murmured softly, taking a quick glance toward her producer. He was a handsome man who had already entered his thirties. His Latin heritage was undeniable as she admired the golden tan of his skin, which complimented the dark chocolate of his irises and the short, ebony ringlets of hair mussed over his forehead. She had been quite flattered when he approached her in Kentucky, offering her the chance of a lifetime, though she had first considered him to be some kind of perverted con-artist. But, now, she could see how brightly his golden heart seemed to radiate through everyday actions. When Charlotte had insisted she attend the birthday party, Howie had immediately agreed that he would have Hannah come with him. He had even stopped their recording session early to take her out, so she could purchase a gift for Charlotte. But, still, Hannah couldn’t help but feel she was intruding on a tender family affair.

“Don’t be silly, Hannah. You’ve been out in California for weeks and you have yet to make any friends. Sure, we’re friends and you’re on causal terms with the business associates and Brian… But that’s not the same. You go to the recording studio, work part-time, sleep, eat, and then you’re back at the recording studio. You need to start making friends around here. You can’t be alone all the time, y’know? And my friends are a great place to start. You’ll love them.”

“I get nervous around new people.”

“Then how can you possibly want to sing in front of thousands of people?”

“Music is different.”

“…How?”

“Music is my soul. And when I hear it playing behind me, I get this electrical charge firing in my body, like I’m invincible. Then my heart starts to swell and I can’t help but sing. I look at all those faces and just hope that I reach them. If I see one smile, then I know it was worth it,” Hannah gushed with explanation, though she tinged a slight pink at the amount of enthusiasm bursting from her voice. “

“Well…” Howie mused thoughtfully, reaching up into the CD binder attached to the sun-visor. Retrieving a single CD with Hannah’s name scrawled on the front, he popped it into the stereo system and adjusted the volume. “Then I’m just going to have to bring this around in a little boom-box so you have your own soundtrack. It’ll be the official remedy to your social anxiety.”

“What on Earth are you babbling--” Hannah immediately squealed as she recognized the familiar chords of the guitar followed by a beautiful voice’s soft crescendo. Reaching out, she smacked her hands and gave a wild whoop of delight. “That’s my song!”

“And it’s going to be your first single.”

“My first single?!”

“To be released next week.”

“Next week?!”

“Are you a parrot?” he finally laughed.

“I’d mew like a kitten and crawl to you if you kept being this good to me,” Hannah breathed, batting the long lashes that protected her beautiful almond shaped, turquoise eyes toward Howie. And when he flushed furiously with embarrassment, turning to concentrate on the road, she looked back to the ocean, unable to help as she sang along to the CD.

*~*~*


“You brought another one? Jesus Christ, J, you can’t keep flaunting all these women around PJ! She’s going to get confused!” Nick cursed loudly when he opened the door for the tardy birthday guest, already prepared to give the door a quick slam. Sure enough, his long-time friend and band-mate, AJ McLean, was standing at the threshold of entering the house with an unfamiliar woman on his arm. He offered his usual toothy grin and held out the cumbersome present as if that made up for his actions, but Nick could hardly contain his scowl when the present was forced into his arms. It was typical of AJ to ensure his lateness to any party so he could make a grand flare of an entrance and the woman attached to his arm was quite the stunning eyepiece. Small in stature and full of voluptuous curves, she seemed to glow as she offered her own smile and her cornflower blue eyes sparkled with life. Her chestnut locks were tied in a knot at the base of her neck, complimenting the simple white top, low-riding jeans, and heeled sandals. At least she seemed classy…

“C’mon Nick, this one is for real,” AJ insisted with a chuckle, unfazed by Nick’s usual threats. Ever since becoming a father, Nick had disdained of the lifestyle that AJ led, though years before he had followed the same path. Besides, he was changing anyway, AJ thought with a grin as he leaned in to peck a kiss against Nick’s cheek. “We’ve been together for three months.”

“And you just now bring her out?” Nick argued suspiciously.

AJ shrugged earnestly, guiding his lover into the home with a hand at the small of her back. “Well, you told me not to flaunt all these women around Charlie—”

Nick’s scowl deepened. “Just get the fuck in here and stop acting holier-than-shit.”

“I love you too,” AJ crooned sweetly, reaching to twine his fingers with his lover. “And, before you can embarrass yourself any further, I’d like you to meet Joanne Gordon. Jo, this is Nick, the birthday girl’s father. Poor unfortunate child—”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you,” Joanne announced, interrupting her lover’s merciless teasing. Her voice seemed to gleam with the most dulcet tones of southern charm, immediately reminding Nick of when he first met Brian Littrell and Kevin Richardson, fresh from the farms of Kentucky. “Despite how rude he is right now, he really does speak quite highly of y’all.”

“I wish I could say the same, but, if you’ve managed three months of a relationship with him, I’m sure I’ll be seeing a lot more of you,” Nick answered with a grin, reaching out to take her hand for a soft shake, though he quickly released to balance the present in his arms once more. When she offered a smile of thanks and excused herself to the ‘powder room,’ Nick couldn’t help but snort with laughter. “Where the Hell did you find her?”

“Where any man finds a self-respective woman - Lucy’ Lavender’s Catalogue of Luscious, Loose, and Lewd Ladies!”

Nick chuckled and directed AJ toward the living room. “You’re such an ass—”

“Tell us something we don’t know,” Kevin Richardson, eldest of the group, but no longer a member of the band, interjected. He offered a hearty grin when AJ pretended to take offense to his statement, practically crushing AJ into a welcoming hug. It had been many weeks since Kevin had an opportunity to visit with the rest of the group. His wife, Kristin, had just given birth to their first and only child, Mason, so he had been caught up within familial bliss. So, it was a great joy to find that his family could attend the party. Even Charlotte welcomed the newest child to the extended family, sitting close to Kristin’s side and helping to hold him.

“Be careful with him, PJ,” Nick announced while carrying the latest present to the mountain of others.

“Daddy, she’s doing just fine,” Kristin chided lightly, though she offered him a proud smile nonetheless.

Mouthing ‘thank you’ to Kristin, Nick turned just in time to see the eldest Backstreet child, Baylee Littrell, racing into the living room with his father nipping at his heels. Both had cans of wildly colored silly string and were spraying blindly in attempts to hit the other. Ducking, he avoided a long stream that burst from Brian’s can, reaching to grab his friend’s waist and tackle him to the ground. Baylee, who would turn five that November, stopped immediately at his father’s strangled grunt. Squealing with delight, he hurried back and covered Nick and Brian in silly string.

“Thanks, Uncle Nick!” Baylee giggled.

“No problem, Bay,” Nick groaned, mopping the strings of fluorescent orange string from his face. “Though you weren’t supposed to get me.”

“It was an accident!” Baylee assured, yanking the can of pink spray from his father and hurrying toward Charlotte. With a few hurried whispers and quite the enticing smile, Charlotte nodded in agreement and asked Kristin if she could take the infant. When her duties were relieved, Charlotte hopped from the couch, took the free can of silly string, and raced to the playroom with Baylee.

“Should we just draw up the papers for a prearranged marriage?” Brian questioned while combing the vast amounts of silly string from his sandy blonde curls. Grinning madly at Nick’s disconcerted expression, he clamored to his feet and made sure to clean off the string from other portions of his body.

“PJ does not want Leighanne for a mother-in-law,” Nick commented, “Where is she anyway?”

“Movie shoot,” Brian answered causally, watching an unfamiliar woman come sweeping into the living room. She took a glance around the room and smiled brightly when AJ waved her over. Hurrying to his side, both Brian and Nick were surprised to find the way AJ folded her into his arms and pressed a sweet kiss to the crown of her head. “Who’s that?”

“Joanne. They’ve been together for three months. Seems they’re pretty serious,” Nick murmured, relaying the information he received from AJ personally.

“I’m glad he’s finally settling down,” Brian approved. “Now if we could only get you—”

“I am settled down,” Nick grunted, not wanting to embark upon the familiar conversation. Every year, the men of the band would tempt to coerce Nick into trying to find a good woman to settle down with. They insisted that it was in Charlotte’s best interest that he find a woman who could round out her personality. They feared that, since growing up with five men, Charlotte might be stunted in developing a solid feminine nature. As it stood now, she was far happier collecting dirt under her fingernails than outfits for her dolls. However, when Nick looked to his daughter, he could find no flaw in her personality. Sure, it would be nice if she played with dolls instead of attempting to be a Daredevil and breaking limbs, but he wouldn’t change her for the world.

“Nick—”

Hearing the doorbell chime, Nick sighed with relief and excused himself from Brian’s lecture. Dashing toward the foyer and jumping the steps to the landing, he threw the door open with a causal smile. Though, when he noticed the visitor, he felt his heart leap to his throat, preventing a greeting. Hannah was standing at his doorstep, alone, with a somewhat small present clutched to her chest. She wore the same out from the studio, but he further appreciated her beauty as the sunlight shimmered. The golden hues of her appearance seemed to intensify within the sunlight, giving her such a gorgeous ethereal quality. And when she smiled, he could actually feel his knees give way just ever so slightly.

“Howie told me to head up the stairs… He’s still wranglin’ his present from the trunk,” Hannah explained with a nervous smile, gesturing toward the Porsche and the legs kicking furiously from the backseat. She turned back in hopes to see him warm, but when Nick had yet to form a greeting, she shifted uncomfortably. “I suppose I can wait outside—”

“What?” Nick blanked, having gotten lost in her deep turquoise eyes. He had never seen such a striking pair of eyes before. The color reminding him of paradise in the Caribbean, where the blue-green waters were perfectly warmed beneath the sun’s lazy rays. Where he could draw a hammock between two palm trees, gather her in his arms, and never want to leave—

“I was just suggesting that I could wait outside if you’re uncomfortable—”

“No! No! God no!” Nick beseeched, reaching for her wrist to pull her inside. “I’m sorry! I just… I’m sorry! Come in! Come in!”

“Okay,” Hannah laughed with uncertainty, though she squealed when he tugged hard on her wrist, causing her to fly within the household. “I see you’ve done a lot of helicopter rides with your daughter!”

Nick blushed. “Helicopter rides?”

“Y’know, when you grab her by the arms and give her a twirl?”

“Oh! Yeah! At least twenty a day!” Nick chuckled, quickly shifting away from her when Howie stumbled inside. Reaching out, he caught the present and Howie in the same instance. Pushing the older man to his feet, he then took the present into his arms, shielding his view of Hannah. Unfortunately. “Had to show me up again this year, D? What is it? A pony?”

“Nah, that’s next year,” Howie teased good-naturedly. “Is everyone here? I’d love for them to meet Hannah. Of course, you already know Brian—”

“She does?” Nick questioned, dropping the present upon his feet. When the corner caught one of his bare toes, he winced sharply, but maintained a steely gaze upon his friend. What had Brian been doing around Hannah?

“He was with me when we discovered her,” Howie explained causally, dismissing the small bubble of jealousy with the wave of his hand. “Where’s Charlie?”

“Running around somewhere--” Cutting off his statement, Nick pushed Howie’s cumbersome present into the corner, framed his mouth with his cupped hands, and hollered, “PJ! YOUR UNCLE D IS HERE WITH—”

“HANNAH!” Charlotte’s voice echoed from somewhere deep within the large home. Small footsteps slapped on the wood floor till a flaxen blonde whirlwind dashed into the foyer. Squealing in delight, she charged at the new guest’s legs and giggled wildly when Hannah managed to seize her into an embrace before they both toppled to the floor. Throwing her arms about Hannah’s neck, she grinned down at Baylee. Her sapphire eyes glittered as she bounced in the woman’s arms. “You’re here!”

“I told you I would come,” Hannah agreed with a nod.

“Thank you so much!” Charlotte giggled, giving Hannah another quick squeeze of a hello. And, before she could be deposited back upon the floor, she took a quick glance over Hannah’s appearance. Suddenly, she frowned and looked over Hannah’s shoulder to Nick and Howie. “Where’s her bow?”

“Her bow?” Howie questioned in confusion.

“She’s my ‘resent, ain’t she?” Charlotte insisted.

“PJ, why don’t you go tackle your pile of presents and tell me which one you want to open first?” Nick suggested, deterring his embarrassment when Charlotte insisted that Hannah was chosen to be her mother, which was her birthday wish. Charlotte looked as if she might override her father’s wishes, but when Baylee insisted she hurry, she smacked a kiss to Hannah’s cheek and hurried out. “I’ll tell you later,” Nick breathed quietly at Howie’s puzzled glance, motioning toward the living room where AJ was introducing Joanne amongst their friends. “Why don’t we join in on the introductions?”
Chapter 3 by Anastacia
Chapter 3


I guess it's gonna have to hurt,
I guess I'm gonna have to cry,
And let go of some things I've loved,
To get to the other side,
I guess it's gonna break me down,
Like falling when you try to fly,
It's sad, but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life,
Starts with goodbye.


Sitting in the middle of the overly large group, Hannah nervously bounced her right foot against the floor while the chorus of her single flowed through the stereo system. Her entire body went rigid as she glanced amongst all the faces; unnerved had how expressionless they were. The chorus was fading and the passion of her voice had already peaked. Now she kept with the spirit of the song, needing to express the fervor that burned her soul wherever music was heard. It was almost over and yet no one had managed to say a single word. Instead, everyone that had come to Charlotte’s party was concentrating on the large stereo system in the living room. Silent. Unmoving. Even Charlotte and Baylee were sprawled on the floor; the large coloring books and endless crayons sprawled over the carpet. Untouched. Biting down hard on her bottom lip and surveying the group once more, she realized that the single was not as wonderful as she had originally thought. Nor was it as beautiful as Howie had led her to believe during all the studio time. And when her song ended with a sweet and soft crescendo, it seemed as if everyone had gulped in his or her breaths, refusing to let them pass while silence encased them.

Why did she ever believe that she could excel in the music business?

Having every intention of excusing herself from the party, running outside, and hailing a cab back to Kentucky, Hannah shifted in her seat and braced her hands on the cushions to boost herself. But when a soft sigh escaped from Joanne’s painted lips, she stopped. Taking another glance around the room, she noticed the smirks and grins begin to widen while Howie leaned back with the utmost pride. He looked as if he were a father at his daughter’s first ballet recital, knowing in his heart that she was the best performer to ever grace the stage. Charlotte was even quick to hop up from the carpet and skip over to where Hannah waited with baited breath. The little girl crawled onto her lap, looped her arms around Hannah’s neck, and sighed dreamily. “It was so pretty! Just like you! You’re better than all the Disney princesses combined!”

“Thanks Charlotte,” Hannah breathed with a surprised smile, never expecting to be compared to a princess, let alone a Disney princess.

“Charlie,” Charlotte insisted, squeezing Hannah in a small hug. “Can you tuck me in? Sing me a pretty song tonight? Please? For my birthday?”

“I…Are…Me?” Hannah questioned with surprise, hastily looking toward Nick for confirmation that she was allowed. When he shrugged with a good-natured smile, she looked back to see Charlotte waiting for an answer. Nodding hastily, she jerked in surprise when Charlotte squealed with delight and went about chasing Baylee once more.

“Damn, does Charlie love you or what?” AJ whistled with amusement, draping his arm over Joanne’s shoulders to bring her closer. He had posed a lot of questions about Hannah throughout the party, particularly toward Howie and Nick. Though, Nick not knowing much about her besides she was pretty had hindered his ability to continue in the conversation. And, he couldn’t help the jealous flare that ignited, though AJ seemed satisfied and almost deliriously happy with his long-term girlfriend.

Joanne’s cornflower blue eyes sparked with interest at AJ’s comment and she lovingly patted his thigh. “Of course she does, Aje, it’s a natural reaction to a woman of that caliber. Hannah reminds me of Catalina, of course. So bright and beautiful. Very lovable. The Regency Era absolutely adored her as the heroine. She was infectious from the first chapter. She almost wrote herself—”

“Jo, cut it out,” AJ groaned, cupping a hand over her mouth before replacing it with his lips.

“As adorable as those two are… I’d like to know more about the song,” Kevin murmured, leaning over the engaged couple so he could catch Howie and Hannah. He had been mulling over the single since the song had ended. It always took him several minutes to gather his thoughts and come to a conclusion. He never wanted to speak out of turn about someone’s music, which had a direct connection to the person’s soul.

“Well, the artist is here, so I’m sure you’ll get all your questions answered,” Howie approved, nodding toward Hannah. He always loved to get feedback for his work, especially from those knowledgeable about the business. No one was more knowledgeable about the music industry than his friends, so Howie naturally assumed Hannah’s talent would feed on any potential criticisms. Positive or negative.

“And you’re looking for an honest opinion, Hannah?” Kevin asked, glancing to the young woman for confirmation. He wanted to make sure that the discussion was legitimate. That she wouldn’t be offended by their evaluations, not that he could find a flaw within the song.

Hannah immediately fidgeted when everyone’s eyes turned upon her and she found herself blushing furiously. She hated to be the center of attention in small groups, wanting to just melt into the background and enjoy the conversation instead. “To be honest, I didn’t even know Howie was going to play it… But, I’d rather someone critique it now before he releases it to the media… They’re probably not as kind as y’all are…”

“Kevin, Nicky, Brian, and J are extremely capable of critiquing a song, Hannah. When each of us has dabbled in a solo work, the others were always on speed dial for various brainstorming sessions. I think it’d be an excellent idea to get their opinions,” Howie encouraged softly, hoping to soothe her anxiousness.

AJ nodded with the utmost agreement, “Yeah, we don’t bite—”

“Hard,” Joanne finished with a melodious giggle.

“I honestly don’t mind,” Hannah assured, noticing AJ’s coloring change to the faintest pink, though he didn’t seem too agreeable to the coloring. As if he was never allowed to be embarrassed. Though, when he leaned to whisper something to Joanne, Hannah turned her gaze upon Nick, surprisingly, hoping for some kind of help. Usually she would look to Howie for help, but something about Nick’s gorgeous sapphire eyes soothed her in a manner Howie could not.

“If Howie says it’s a winner, trust me, Hannah, it’s a winner,” Nick concluded, feeling an air of pride settle when he realized he was rescuing her. As if he were some brave knight hoisting the lovely damsel within his arms for a romantic kiss after a harrowing ordeal. But, when her turquoise eyes began to burn into his soul, he realized she was waiting for more. That she truly valued his opinion. So, uncomfortably clearing his throat, he shifted once more before speaking, “But, I’ve got to say, it’s a wonderful song. Your voice is amazing. I’ve never heard a woman reach such a range of vocals before… And you’re obviously versatile. Howie can market you in country music and pop music… The lyrics are so powerful and moving… You can tell that there really was some heartache before deciding that it was best to move on… Did Howie write it for you?”

“…No…” Hannah trailed, seeming to squirm underneath the attention. She hadn’t expected the group to be so interested in the song. She figured it would be a few ‘great job’s’ and they’d move to another topic. “…I wrote it myself…”

“You penned the song?” Kevin asked, his voice touched with awe.

“Yes, I did,” Hannah confirmed once more, debating if she should be more defensive about their incredulous expressions. It wasn’t as if she was trying to exude a clueless personality… At least she hoped she seemed somewhat intelligent…

“Oh! Hannah, no! We don’t mean to act so suspicious. It’s just amazing that you have such a talent for lyrics. Not everyone can turn a song into a beautiful story that’ll pull in a listener. We were very fortunate in the beginning to have the best songwriters working with us… They taught us the art and then we branched out to writing our own stuff. It’s just an amazing feat,” Brian hurriedly explained with a carefree smile, shooting Kevin a frown for being so thoughtless.

“She’s writing almost all the songs on the debut CD. We’ve been working on a few during the week. But it’s just amazing. She has some beautiful ballads and then her up-tempos are so catchy. She has this binder filled with every song she’s ever written and most have their own melodies. It’s a rarity that I have to sit down and work out the notes—”

“Howie, you’re embarrassing me,” Hannah interrupted with a fierce blush.

“You should be proud, Hannah,” Howie chided lightly before turning back to his friends. “She even played the guitar for the single and I’m sure she’ll be playing it for every other song. She’s far better at it than I could ever hope to be—”

Hannah groaned, “Howie—”

“Is that the only instrument you play?” Nick questioned with amusement, watching Howie wrap his arms about her and press a playful kiss to her cheek, insisting that she learn to accept a compliment.

“I’ve been working on the drum, but I’ve had my share of difficulties,” Hannah answered, though she looked to Howie before she emphasized, “I’m not perfect.”

“Nick would be the one to talk to about the drums,” AJ suggested. “The rest of us act like toddlers with a set of pots and pans when we get around the drums.”

“Hey! I play a mean bongo!” Brian contradicted.

“Sometimes being a solo artist has such benefits,” Kevin sighed quite loudly, though he smiled toward Howie and Hannah. When AJ and Brian opened their mouths to protest, the eldest immediately took the opportunity to steal the conversation. “You’ve got quite a bit of talent. A creative songwriter. A gorgeous singing voice. A knack for playing the guitar. You have certainly struck gold in the genetic lot—”

“It’s not just about talents,” Hannah hurriedly objected, though her voice was soft and filled with intimidation when Kevin raised his thick brows with confusion. She didn’t want them to think of her as a one-hit-wonder. She wanted them to understand the depth at which music had physically touched her life. She didn’t just decide to become a singer during one afternoon. No, she had dedicated herself from the very beginning to achieving what she hoped would someday be a powerful career. “I mean, yes, God has given me several gifts. But everyone in the music industry is allotted those same gifts. Beautiful voices. Creative minds. The ability to play an instrument. But I also worked hard to get where I am… All my extracurricular activities were focused in music. I sang in the school choir each year and also participated in my church choir. I made sure to incorporate several dance classes as well, just to become well rounded. I did various part-time jobs so I could hire a vocal coach… And I went to college and got a Bachelor’s in Performing Arts. I didn’t just fall into this and decided, hey, maybe I could sing… I just… I love music so much… I wanted to live and breathe it from the very beginning…”

“Well, it’s official, D,” Nick decided softly, watching his friends’ faces light with appreciation. “You’ve got a singer that the whole world is going to fall in love with.”

*~*~*


“I’m ready!” Charlotte declared loudly, taking some effort to climb onto queen-sized bed decorated in what seemed to be a custom-made pattern of Disney’s The Little Mermaid. The background of the soft comforter was a deep aqua blue, complimented with the cute nautical symbols of light purple seashells and various bubbles, and Ariel, the beautiful mermaid of the movie, was pictured in the center. When Charlotte grunted in an effort to turn down the sheets, it was obvious that there were no maids taking care of the Carter mansion, because her sheets were not matched with the comforter. Instead, they were imprinted with dozens of colorful dinosaurs and slightly wrinkled. Nick had obviously decided to do all the housework, though his attention to detail was that of a usual man. The large bedroom with adjoining bathroom was somewhat tidy and decorated to match the bedspread. Beautiful sea creatures were even painted over the aqua walls. Most of the toys somewhat put away were not those of a typical four year-old girl, however. Dinosaur figures, animal figures, and racecars replaced the dolls. Dozens of art supplies were settled in a small corner, which looked to be used often. A variety of worn books were piled on the nearby bookcase, looking as if they had been read frequently. Stuffed animals seemed to explode from everywhere. She was a lucky little girl. “Hannah?”

“Sorry, Sweetheart,” Hannah immediately apologized, pulling herself free of her thoughts. The party had ended a while ago and most of the guests had left. Charlotte had been in desperate need of a bath since her birthday cake battle with Baylee. But when Nick hoisted her into his arms for a trip to the bathroom, she furiously squirmed away and demanded that Hannah be in charge. Both adults had seemed to freeze at her insistence, but Nick reluctantly allowed her to steal Hannah upstairs. And the bath had been quite interesting, considering she should have probably just jumped into the tub as well considering how soaked she was. Now, waiting in bed, her flaxen curls looked to be in a tangle of knots. “Can I brush your hair before I tuck you in? Maybe braid it?”

Charlotte’s sapphire eyes widened in delight at Hannah’s suggestion, hurriedly kicking off the covers to plop in the middle of the bed. She pushed her damp locks behind her shoulders and arched her back in attempts to sit up straight. She strove for perfection, not wanting to upset Hannah and potential ruin her offer. “You can braid?”

Hannah smiled and nodded in confirmation, taking the brush off the nearby nightstand. “Can’t your Daddy?”

“He just gets knots,” Charlotte explained, clutching the stuffed monkey that Hannah had gotten her.

“We’re just going to have to teach him how to do a proper braid,” Hannah laughed, easily moving the brush through Charlotte’s curls. She made sure that when she found a knot that she was careful to comb it out, not pulling on the child’s scalp. When she was sure that all the knots were gone, leaving her long, silky strands of hair that began to curl, she parted them and created a simple French braid.

“We are?”

“Well… I can teach him if you like…”

“You will?”

“If you want me to.”

“Oh, I do!”

“Then I’d be glad to,” Hannah promised, pulling off the extra hair-band from her wrist to secure the long braid she had finished. Patting Charlotte’s back to signal she was done, she had to laugh when the little girl turned and immediately crawled into her lap. “We’ll buy him a bright pink Barbie and tell him to practice when he has free time during recordings.”

“Daddy’s never bought a Barbie before,” Charlotte giggled, allowing Hannah to hoist her upward to the top of the bed. Linking her arms around Hannah’s neck, she waited for the covers to be turned down before hopping in the middle. Making sure the monkey was tucked underneath her arm, she helped Hannah pull the covers up and tuck them beneath her chin. Snuggled quite tightly, she grinned when Hannah perched on the side of the bed.

“I’ve never bought a Barbie before either,” Hannah admitted softly, tucking away a few curls that had loosened from the girl’s braid. “I never liked them much. I was happier playing with dinosaurs and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles… But I absolutely loved My Little Ponies—”

“Is that why you bought me some for my birthday?”

“Yeah, I figured I couldn’t go wrong with a stuffed monkey and some My Little Ponies. Did you like them?”

“I loved them!”

“Then you’re welcome, Sweetheart.”

“Do you have brothers or sisters?”

“Nope, I’m an only child, Darlin’,” Hannah drawled, smoothing the covers over Charlotte with a wistful smile.

Charlotte fought a small smile as she played with her monkey’s ear. “You a Mommy?”

“Nope, I don’t have any kids.”

“You got a boyfriend?”

Hannah laughed with astonishment at the round of questions, though she obliged with an answer, “Not right now I don’t...”

“Good!”

“Why is that good?”

“’Cause…” Charlotte trailed vaguely with a large yawn. “…Are you going to be here lots, Hannah?”

“I’m not sure… I mean, I’ll be with your Uncle Howie a lot. I have to record my songs and stuff. But, I’m sure he’ll let me out once in awhile—”

“So you come play with me?”

“If your Daddy says it’s okay—”

“He will! You can come play with me and Daddy! He likes you.”

“Does he now?”

“Yes’m,” Charlotte assured sleepily.

“How do you know?”

“’Cause him’s eyes are sparkling ‘gain.”
Chapter 4 by Anastacia
Chapter 4

           

“That was the first night that I didn’t tuck PJ into bed…”

           

Glancing up from the quick corrections he was making to the lyrics of a song, Howie quirked his dark brows in question at the bewildered look crossing Nick’s face. They had been working all morning on the upcoming Backstreet Boys’ album and had been allowed a small break for lunch. Between working on Hannah’s album and his group’s album, Howie used any free time to work on either project, just so the pressure would lighten. AJ and Brian had dashed out in hopes of locating the nearest and greasiest fast-food joint, Baylee and Charlotte nipping at their heels. Usually Nick would have beaten the entire group to the car, but he had lingered in the studio. So, pushing his papers aside, Howie reached for his fresh cup of lemon and honey tea, then settled back on the couch. “…What are you talking about, Nicky?”

           

“At her birthday party. She wanted Hannah to tuck her in…” Nick explained with a groan, knowing that he sounded overly jealous though it wasn’t the case. He had just never seen Charlotte take such a keen shine to a woman before. If anything, he was just in such a state of shock. Not to say that Hannah wasn’t an engaging woman, either. Again, it was just the way that Charlotte seemed to fall in love with Hannah. So uncharacteristic of the little girl who was adamant on keeping her daddy to herself when he had tried to date before. Of course, he wasn’t looking to date Hannah… Was he?

           

“She likes Hannah—”

           

“I know—”

           

Puzzled, Howie took a small sip of tea before interrupting with a look of deep concern, “Is there something wrong with that?”

           

“No! Hell no! Hannah’s great!” Nick blurted, knowing it was far too hasty of a reply when a knowing smirk touched his older friend’s lips. Ever since he had been termed a recluse by the local media, his friends had tried so hard to help him find love. Yet, all he ended up finding was migraines. He was happier devoting his love and attention to PJ. The only true woman in his life.  “D, don’t even think about it. You know damn well that I quit the dating seen a long time ago. PJ doesn’t do well with me dating. Or have you forgotten about Karen? PJ wanted to play pretend beauty shop with a pair of real scissors—”

           

“It was a hideous weave to begin with and Karen wasn’t exactly the brightest crayon in Charlie’s favorite pack of Crayola’s. Honestly believing that the scissors with metal blades were actually fake—”

           

“What about the stain of strained carrots on Jenny’s favorite Gucci dress? PJ was only six months during that fucking fiasco and I remember having to convince myself not to go to the hospital to remove the stiletto heel that was kicked into my crotch when I laughed!”

           

“Jenny was a possession-driven ego-maniac—”

           

“Heather being buried in sand while she was napping on the beach?”

           

“She was supposed to be watching Charlie while you went to get refreshments—”

           

“When Jess found all of her makeup smeared all over the windows of her car?”

           

“It washed off—”

           

“Or how about the day Tara almost broke her neck walking down the stairs after PJ purposely covered them with her favorite dinosaurs?”

           

“Nicky, they just weren’t the right women for you—”

 

“Face it, D… My love life has been a permanent train wreck since I got PJ. It just proves that she is happier with me and only me.”

 

“Then why did she ask me to make sure that Hannah becomes her new mother?” Howie questioned openly, knowing he had startled his friend when the can of Pepsi he had been tipping to his lips was pouring the fizzing liquid down the front of his shirt instead of his throat. There was a powerful curse pushed from the recesses of Nick’s lungs when he lurched upward to dry his soaked clothing, but his sapphire eyes still trained upon Howie, waiting for clarification. “I’m her Godfather, Nicky, of course she’s going to ask me for very special things. It seems that since I bought her Cinderella, she now thinks of me as the Fairy Godfather—”

 

“Would you get back on track?” Nick growled impatiently, slapping the wadded towel against his t-shirt as if it would soak up the soda faster. “My child told you that she wants Hannah as her mother?”

 

“Just this morning,” Howie confided quite proudly, taking another sip of his slowly cooling tea. “I asked her how she enjoyed her birthday and she told me about Hannah. She said that she wanted her for a Mommy—”

 

“Jesus Christ, I thought the kid was kidding when she told me her birthday wish!”

 

“So, she told you?”

 

“When she woke me up for her birthday kisses,” Nick explained, giving up on draining the soda from his t-shirt. Instead, he bunched up the hem and ripped it from his body, casting it toward the nearby couch. Then collapsing on the same couch, he groaned whole-heartedly and immediately sat forward in hopes to clarify, “She didn’t tell me she wanted Hannah! We didn’t even know Hannah then! Hell, I don’t even really know Hannah now—”

 

“Would you calm down?” Howie chuckled, reaching over to tenderly pat at his friend’s knee. The fatherly movement naturally caused Nick to scowl and swat at Howie’s hand, but he wasn’t offended. Instead, he continued to nurse his tea and observe Nick’s unusually flustered state. “It’s perfectly natural for Charlie to want a mother, especially as she’s getting older. She sees the way Kristin interacts with Mason and how mothers at our concerts treat their little girls. Though she isn’t asking those hard questions about where her mother is yet, she still knows that she’s different. It’s hard for her.”

 

“And it’s going to get harder,” Nick elaborated, folding his hands over his face while muttering a few more curses for the speed at which Charlotte matured. For Heaven’s sake, he finally understood why everyone called it growing pains. It hurt too much to see her grow and know that only harder times were ahead. The story of Charlotte’s birth had always been a story that he made sure to keep locked within his heart. Not even his closest friends were able to open the chambers where the dark secret lurked. He knew there would come a time when Charlotte would demand to know, but for now, he lived in an idealistic state of ignorance. He just wanted to enjoy his little girl. Not think about her hellion of a mother and where those painful memories might lead—

 

“Nicky…” Howie trailed softly, penetrating the younger man’s thoughts. When Nick parted his fingers to allow his gaze to fall upon Howie, the older man smiled softly. “Everything’s going to be okay. And, I’m not asking you to marry Hannah… Just yet…”

 

“Knowing my luck, I’ll have to wear the dress too.”

 

“Hannah’s not that much of a tomboy. And, though I think you two would really make a lovely couple, she’s not really looking for a romantic relationship right now.”

 

“…And you would know how, D?”

 

“None of your business, Nicky.”

 

“She turned you down flat,” Nick murmured with a wicked grin, his mood changing as if it were an ocean tide with the knowledge that Hannah was somewhat attainable, even if she was just in his mind’s eye.

 

“I’m too old for her anyway.”

 

“You’ve got that right—”

 

“For Heaven’s sake, Nicky!” Howie groaned with annoyance, pushing his cup of tea across the nearby coffee table. “Age is nothing but a number— Not that it is truly important because I am her boss and—” Releasing a grunt of impatience, he began to gather up the litter scattered over the coffee table to busy himself. “I was hoping to ask you if you’d be willing to help Hannah with her career. But you’re so egotistical and I just can’t imagine—”

 

“Help how?” Nick interjected, unable to help his brewing curiosity.

 

“We’ve released her single and it’s set to be aired on some of the most popular radio stations around, so I’ve got to get her appearances going. And, as much as I would love to be her escort, apparently I’m too old for her. So, I was thinking that—”

 

Nick’s sapphire eyes widened in realization and he slammed a fist against his knee. “Jesus Christ, don’t even—”

 

“I’m not asking you to stage some kind of horrible affair with her in front of the paparazzi! She’s too wholesome and sweet for that kind of mess. I’m just asking if you would please be her escort to the various functions. Be her friend and confidant.”

 

“And let the paparazzi assume we’re dating?”

 

“I just want you to be friends, Nicky. You haven’t been in the limelight for ages and now that we have another album being released… The media is so hungry for you and just a mere glimpse is going to turn into a frenzy! If she’s with you—”

 

“It’ll be a wildfire,” Nick finished with a nod.

 

“I even have some kids’ movies premieres lined up.”

 

“If Hannah and I take her, PJ will be floating.”

 

“Exactly.”

 

“But what happens if…”

 

“If what, Nicky?”

 

Holding his breath, Nick moved to stand and discard the paper towels that were still bunched in his fists. He had wanted to ask Howie what were the chances of Hannah falling in love. If it were at all possible for the media’s desire to see them together might electrify the situation and bring them closer. She was a gorgeous woman. There was no doubt. And her smile had already permeated into his dreams, but he’d never admit to that. When Charlotte mentioned her, an unfamiliar smile broke onto his face while his heart fluttered with an unidentifiable emotion. But they had barely spoken. It was even a stretch to call them acquaintances…

 

So, why was he thinking about falling in love? When every fiber of his being told him to stray away from such an unrealistic concept. Romantic love was for fools. Every time he tried to fall in love, he ended up getting hurt. So, then he tried to simply fulfill his lustful desires, but the consequences were dangerous. And when Charlotte appeared, he knew that his life had to straighten onto a narrow path that left no room for errors. He had to make her happy. Devote all his energy to loving her and only her. She had made life worth living. No more misgivings about falling in love. Not when he had her fragile heart to consider as well. 

 

But, God, was Hannah’s smile so beautiful and so promising that perhaps…

 

Just perhaps…

 

*~*~*

           

“You might want to enjoy this private shopping excursion as much as you can, Hannah, because you’re not going to get much more of this fun when that single of yours is released. I mean, I’m not even famous and I’m hounded by paparazzi daily. Of course, it’s twice as bad whenever Alex and I are enjoying a beautiful date. Not that I don’t enjoy the glitz and glamour of being fussed over, but I am a proper southern lady. Meaning, I do my lovin’ out behind the stables and make sure not a hair is out of place when I breeze back into the crowd.”

           

Unable to help the thick peal of laughter when Joanne threw a sassy hip into her side before sashaying over toward another rack of beautiful gowns, Hannah collapsed onto the plush couch and watched the expertness of Joanne’s shopping skills. She easily plucked the highest quality of clothing from the various racks and draped them upon the eager saleswoman’s arms. With each selection, she made sure to divide the clothing between the saleswoman’s arms, choosing garments for herself as well as Hannah. It had been Howie’s request that she take the young woman shopping and take the status of Hannah’s stylist. She had spent three months in the limelight with her lover and several more years in the limelight for her own profession, so she understood the importance of impressing the media. Not that it would take much to perfect the gorgeous newcomer, she was a raw beauty. A gorgeous diamond in the rough. And with some lessons on the splendid values of using makeup, Hannah would be the star that men adored and women envied. 

           

“You know, I’ve spent my own share of wild nights in the sweet hay,” Hannah suddenly confessed with a cheshire grin, knowing that it would immediately rouse the interest of the older woman when her focus turned from conversation to shopping. It hadn’t taken long for Hannah to sort out Joanne’s personality. Her likes and dislikes. Her attitude. In fact, Joanne was quite a charming woman. Her soft silky southern dialect only seemed to enhance her sexual appeal. Almost as charming as AJ, so it seemed logical that the two would gravitate toward one another with a powerful magnetism.

           

“Not adorable little Hannah Moore, Howie’s virgin Starlet!”

           

“I ain’t a virgin,” Hannah snorted, though her turquoise eyes widened with realization at what she was suggesting. Blushing furiously, she looked toward the array of garments being tucked into her changing room. “I ain’t trailer-park-tricks either. Like I said, I’ve had my share of romance, though the cowboy turned out to be less than that perfect eight second ride.”

           

“Sounds like you have one of those stories that need to be played backward in the country world,” Joanne cooed, thanking the saleswoman when she plucked only a few more garments from the colorful racks before suggesting the girls enter the large changing room. “You know, ‘you get your dog back, you get your car back, you get your first and second wives back—’”

           

“Rascal Flatts are one of my favorite bands,” Hannah announced with an eager smile, picking up quickly on the lyrics Joanne was quoting.

           

“I know,” Joanne promised, thumbing through the elegant dresses she had selected for the younger woman. “Howie sent them a tape of your single. It seems they’re very interested in collaborating with you--”

           

“I would absolutely die.”

           

“But what a wonderful death it would be,” Joanne laughed, enjoying the spark that electrified the depth of Hannah’s turquoise eyes. She was so enthralled with the magic of the music business and it was infectious. Having her around had sparked all the men’s interest in recording again. Now they gathered frequently to work on their album as well as hers. And Joann welcomed the fire, knowing she had never seen AJ so excited before. “…But what about those cowboy blues you were singing about?”

           

“I wasn’t singing about any cowboy blues,” Hannah objected, sliding off her tank top and frayed jean shorts to don the first dress. Pulling the soft material over her head, she wriggled slightly and turned so Joanne could do the zippering. “I merely said that my cowboy turned into a frog instead of a prince… Suddenly wrinkling her nose in distaste at the frumpy garment, she sighed, “A big, ugly bullfrog…”

           

“If the charmer is still a big, ugly bullfrog, then that means the relationship ended quickly,” Joanne decided, shaking her head at the golden yellow dress that sadly seemed to clash with the woman’s lovely dark golden highlighted curls. Turning back to the selections, she plucked out the other gold colored dresses and pushed them out.

           

“How could you possibly know—?”

           

“My career has given me quite the knack for sorting romance’s highs and lows, Sweetheart.”

           

“And what is your career?”

           

“I’m a romance writer. Particularly Regency themed romances. Of course, Alex has an absolute bird when I mentioned it. Something about degrading his manhood to that of a little boy who gets his pants pulled down in the schoolyard by a raging hormonal tomboy. His words, of course,” Joanne explained, though she laughed suddenly. “He’s quite the poet. I tease him that he should write erotic under my pseudonym, Elizabeth Jordan—”

           

“My mother has all of your novels!” Hannah suddenly squealed, turning abruptly and causing the scarlet skirt to flare around her.

           

“Then she might be the sole source of my income,” Joanne giggled.

           

“Hardly, you’ve been on the bestseller’s list longer than a hungry man on a Thanksgiving turkey!”

           

“I know,” Joanne confided with a wickedly proud smile.

           

“I hope that I hit some top selling lists… On the music charts, I mean--”

           

“You will,” Joanne promised, continuing to push Hannah through the variety of dresses. None had been fabulous enough to dazzle the red carpet of the Country Music Awards. It would be Hannah’s first appearance in the spotlight and her first performance in front of a crowd. She needed to be breathtaking, which meant that the dress had to be absolutely phenomenal. Though, halfway through her fretting over finding the perfect dress, she heard Hannah’s sharp squeal. Thinking they had been captured in a photograph by the paparazzi, Joanne jerked. “What?!”

           

“Do you hear that?!” Hannah breathed, hopping onto the nearby chair to peer over the top of the dressing room door. She was only dressed in her bright blue bikini underwear and matching bra, but could care less if she was noticed. Halfway through wriggling out of a complicated gown, she had heard the faint sounds of a familiar melody. Then, when she concentrated, she heard a familiar voice echoing throughout the store. So, craning her neck, she squealed again when she noticed the women huddled around the stereo system. “It’s my song! Joanne! I’m on the radio!”

 

 I know there’s a blue horizon,

Somewhere up ahead, just waiting for me,

Getting there means leaving things behind.

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