I awoke slowly seeing her sleeping body next to mine. How’d we get to this point? Honestly I can’t remember it’s been months of torture for me. Seeing her everyday not being able to just tell her how I felt. Getting knocked squarely in the “friend zone”. But now that’s different. Last night changed everything…




True I’d wanted this since hell, since I saw her again after so long but I chickened out and got shoved into the friend zone against my will. Normally I’m great with women, not to boast here or anything but normally I have no problem talking, flirting, and getting a number or a date. But she was different…something about her, nothing extremely special; then again maybe it was her normalcy that attracted me so much.




The main problem…well it’s hard to explain unless you‘ve seen the whole picture. So, I guess the best place to start is from when I met up with her again.




*********************************************************




“Nick? Nick Carter?” A familiar brunette asked me with a surprised look on her face. Something about her was so …I really couldn’t say but… “My God you grew up! Look at you the boy who broke my older sister’s heart!”




I knew that I recognized her, “She broke up with me, Danica!” I retorted back.




She grinned and my stomach knotted, shit that’s something I haven’t felt in a while. “Yeah I know I had to make sure it was really you. Wow, look at you, you look amazing.”




I grinned impishly as the other three gave me sly smiles. As inconspicuously as possible I rolled my eyes at their looks. “Dani and I go way back, I dated her sister for like a month in like the 9th grade.”




“Yeah and she broke up with him because he was ‘never around’ and didn’t go to school because he was with you guys.” She explained with a pleasant grin.




I shifted my weight a little from one leg to the other feeling a little uneasy, was it wrong to be attracted to a girl when I had dated her sister in what seems like a lifetime ago? Hell I didn’t even get to second base with her sister Abby. “So how is Abby?”




I watched her face go dark for a moment watching all the happiness drain from her face.




“Abby died in 2004…” She said lowly. I felt like I’d been punched in the stomach, died? At 24?




“Why? What from?” I found myself asking.




“After high school, she got pregnant and had a kid, my niece, Raelynn, and to make ends meet she joined the Army. In 2003 she was called away from Fort Bragg and sent into combat in Iraq. She was killed by an RPG attack on her squad’s Hum-vee and she died in July of 2004.”




My jaw went loose and I couldn’t believe it, Abby, one of the nicest girls I’d ever known died in a war. Hearing all the other words of condolences from the others I snapped out of it and offered mine, “My god I’m so sorry.”




Dani held up her hand and shook her head, “Don’t please it’s bad enough with my parents.”




I nodded but didn’t really understand it, “So where’s Raelynn’s father?”




“Ha, good question he took off when he knocked Abby up.”




That statement alone made my heart twinge in pain a little. Why on earth am I even really caring about this? I mean call me an asshole but besides empathizing with Dani why do I feel connected to her somehow?




“Anyways Andre said he informed you guys about the tour right?” Dani asked trying to change the subject and get right down to business. I really couldn’t blame her, being through all of that and she was all of 25 years old? Granted people go through worse but to lose a sister, hell I’d die if I lost one of mine as much as they infuriate me sometimes.




Howie spoke up just then, “Yeah he explained that you’re his protégé and he’s having you be our official photographer…for a while.”




She grinned slightly, “Yep, it’ll be fun and relatively painless I’m pretty easy to work with photography wise. Mainly this is to help me build up my portfolio and hell traveling around the world with a band for 4 months at a time ain’t too shabby.” She remarked casting a little brighter grin in my direction.




Now I’m not the best at reading signals but was that meant for me to see? Maybe I’m just being stupid…then again…I watch her walk over to her equipment and crouch down to look in one of the large cases and damn…that ass…call me a misogynist or whatever but you can’t help but look when it’s put THAT blatantly in front of you.




I divert my attention as she stands back up slinging a rather impressive camera over her shoulder.




“Is that the Mark II?” AJ asked seeing his eyes light up like a little kid in a candy store.




“Yep, It’s really only good when you’re shooting large format stuff that’s going to go on little teenies walls and be drooled over and worshipped counts right?” She joked chuckling at her own joke.




I couldn’t help but snicker at it, “So we’re doing some shots today?”




“Yep, and I’m actually going to have you guys change into regular clothes that are comfy instead of dressy outfits. That and I get to know my subjects easier by taking their photographs when they’re comfortable. So what we’ll do is just have you guys go and sit on the couches once you’ve changed and just sit and talk.” She explained as she heard the phone ring. She rolled her eyes and sighed, “Go ahead and change and I’ll be right back.”




Silently I watched her walk out of the room answering her cell phone getting a concerned look on her face.




“So…do you know like every chick in the Continental US?” AJ asked with a smirk.




Ladies and Gentlemen I present the stupendous comedy of the one and only Alexander James…




“No, just I grew up with Abby, in Tampa and her sister was well a dork but wow did she grow up.”




“So you like her?” Brian asked with a cheeky grin on his face as we changed.




I rolled my eyes at him, always trying to get me into a relationship, hoping and praying that it would be my last. Maybe it was because he wanted me to be happy like he is with Leighanne, or maybe he didn’t want me to be the last one standing. Whatever it is, it fucking gets on my nerves. “I haven’t even thought about that.”




“Well she is going to be around us 24/7 now… With promotion, release of the album, then the tour after the holidays? Maybe it’s not a good thing to think about.” Howie reasoned. “You know with your track record…”




I snorted, “Funny, but no I don’t know she’s cute... That’s about all I can say.”




**********************************************************





Okay she’s more than cute; she’s an amazing photographer. A really hot photographer at that. She sat on the floor between the couches and just let us talk, rip on each other, just pretty much hang out which doesn’t happen all that much. And she got some amazing photos from it.




We’d all been sitting around her computer screen as she did a quick crop and light adjustment on all the photos. But over time our numbers dwindled leaving just her and I there mulling over each one.




“I love this one.” She spoke excitedly as she pulled up a picture of Brian and myself. We were laughing quite hard at a joke Howie had told. But now with the joke forgotten it turned into an awesome picture.




“It’s not really that hard. I set up the situation of you guys just sitting on your asses and talking to each other. You four made these pictures I just happened to be quick enough to capture them.” She said sliding her chair over a little as her knee unconsciously brushed mine. She didn’t pull back right away which gave me a pretty good idea that she may very well be flirting with me.




“So…” I began moving in closer looking her over as she still maintained her focus on the screen. “I was thinking maybe we should you know, go out sometime.”




Dani turned and looked at me with a question in her brown eyes. “I’m free for lunch tomorrow.”




I grinned happy to get a response from her, true it wasn’t a conventional “date” but it still applied, I asked and she accepted right? “Great like a day date or something.” I knew from experience day dates were a one-way trip to the friend’s zone but maybe this time it would be different?

Chapter Two: Confusion Reigns




“You fucking pussy!” AJ remarked cackling at me.




I rolled my eyes at him for not listening. “Dude she was sending me the signals, grinning, the whole leg brush thing.”




“But dude a day date? Call her and move the date to tonight and no matter what kiss her.”




I sigh at him and just shake my head; “You’re an idiot you stole that from Just Friends.”




“Yeah but it’s fucking true, you’re on a path to becoming this sexless object to her that she’ll have NO intention of fucking…ever!” He reasoned.




I shook my head, not really wanting to buy into that whole bullshit why can’t lunch be a date? I mean it’s not like I’ve had lunch with a girl and it turned out badly before. At least that’s what it’s like in LA. Doing lunch and then getting laid is a common occurrence out there. So why should New York be any different?




I turned my attention to Brian, “So how’d you snag Leigh?”




He smirked, “I was just myself with her.”




I inwardly groaned, yeah Brian’s a freakin’ nice guy and he’s got the humor thing for him. Me…well I am a major dork. Hell I watch Star Wars over and over….




And….I have a lightsaber…pretty fucking dorky I think but that’s me and HELLO I had a beany baby collection. Don’t get much nerdier than that as a guy.




It sucks I don’t want to “be myself” I want to make her want me. It’s easy to normally with girls but usually they already want me or just want to fuck me but still I kinda like this girl.




*****************************************************************************************************************




So I’m standing here in front of her apartment loft slash studio and I’m totally psychin’ myself out here.




Ring the bell…don’t ring the bell….ring the bell…don’t….Ahh fuck it.




I rang the bell and a small voice comes out. “Whose there?”




“Nick here for lunch.” I say aloud mentally cursing myself for sounding stupid. I hate it when I do that.




“Okay…” The voice said buzzing me in. I walked in and walked up the stairs since it was an old NYC walk-up. I walk up to the door and push it in since it was already open, presumably for me. I walked in seeing a young girl with her hands on her hips.




“So you’re taking out my Aunt?” She said with such attitude in her voice it almost made me laugh.




“Leave him alone Rae!” I heard Dani yell from the upstairs bedroom. She came walking down a minute later, “Raelynn this is my friend Nick, he dated your mom when they were 15.”




Fuck I’m already at friend status? Maybe she’s just saying that to get Cujo off my back.




“You dated my mom? Eww!!”




Dani laughed and I chuckled, “It’s not like they slept together or anything right?”




I wanted to…but yeah that didn’t happen yet… “No I respected her too much.” Okay sue me I lied I would have violated that up and down and any which way she wanted but back then she was a good girl. But yeah I need to play the nice guy here, there’s something about Brit being so protective that she must have gotten hurt by a guy before.




“So I figured we’d go to Dean & Deluca they have a nice café outside and it’s a beautiful day in New York which is rare.”




I smiled at her feeling a little more confident that this may very well be better than I thought. “So where is it exactly




“About three blocks, we’ll walk it.” She said pulling her bag over her shoulder and ushering me out the door. I looked over my shoulder and smiled at Brittany.




“It was nice to meet you Raelynn.” I commented hoping if I could get her to like me maybe there’d be some hope of a relationship here.




I know I shouldn’t want a relationship, but I sort of do. It’s been getting to me for a while now dating really sucks. An endless string of first dates, though the sex isn’t bad, but it would be nice to be with someone who actually liked me for once and not the celebrity.




“Nick?” I heard her ask as we rounded a corner.




“Huh?” I asked a little startled I had no idea she’d been talking lost in my own thoughts.




She smirked, “You zoned out on me!” She chided giggling a little. Damn I kinda like her laugh, it’s not annoying or grating it’s infectious.




“Sorry I think I have ADD sometimes.”




She snickered at me and replied, “Sometimes?”




I rolled my eyes and knocked her to the side a little with my shoulder which made her trip over her feet and fall to the concrete. “Shit I’m sorry.” I said helping her back up but she laughed.




“It’s okay.” She replied brushing her jeans off before we started walking again.




Great….just fucking great I knock her down! Get it together Carter!




*****************************************************************************************************



“I have to admit New York is amazing.” I remarked looking at the tall buildings as I walked her back to her place.




She smiled and nodded, “I went here for school and we ended up loving it here.”




“What school, Columbia?”




“NYU’s film school actually.”




I raised my eyebrows; that’s pretty impressive. “And you’re going to tell me you scored like a 1600 on your SAT’s?”




She chuckled at me and brushed her hair out of her face. “No I kinda sucked at that I got a 1030.”




“Only.” I chuckled back.




“No but seriously I did a lot of community service and qualified for grants since I was taking care of Rae on my own. Mom and Dad couldn’t handle the visual reminder of losing their champion.” She said in a mocking tone.




Champion? What the… “Care to explain?”




“They kind of always held Abby a little higher than me. She was the perfect student, popular, got married young had a baby and became a soldier. Lot of good that did. It got her killed.”




I sighed a little, “I’m sure your parents love you both equally.”




“Well yeah I know they love me but I’m the rebel, the one that went to school out of state, that wanted a job in the creative arts, not a real job.”




I smiled at her as we stopped in front of her stoop. “I had a good time today, seeing the city with someone who knows it so well.”




She grinned and reached for her keys playing with them for moment. “I’m glad, I like showing off my city.”




Okay she’s sending all the right signals isn’t she? Fiddling with her keys casual flirting. I take a step closer and begin to lean in for a kiss. “You know it would be great again, I’m sure there’s tons more to see…” Okay she’s smiling that’s a really good sign I move in a little closer and she stepped up on to her step…what the hell!?




“I should go…” She said nervously and quickly went inside leaving me standing there completely baffled.




What in the hell just happened? How did I go from flirting with her to almost kissing to…shit…Now what am I going to do?

Chapter Three: An Awkward Situation





I hate this…it’s been two days and I’ve talked to her three times, on the phone twice and then at the shoot we did in Central Park. And both fucking times it was completely awkward. I explained what happened to Brian, lord knows I am NEVER telling AJ ever that I got shot down. I’ll never live it the fuck down. It was fucking terrible, I haven’t been this attracted to a woman in a long, long…long ass time. And its more so now that we’re in an awkward position. She acted as if nothing happened….and I well uhhh…yeah…




I waited impatiently as the phone rang. God I actually hope she’ll pick up. I hear Raelynn answer. “Hey Rae it’s Nick, is Danica home?”




“She is, but said to tell you she’s washing her hair. It’s what she says when she’s avoiding someone.” She said nonchalantly.




Fuck me…




“Oh umm okay well let her know I called and…” I began to say hearing the phone getting passed and some silent cursing and then…




“Hey Nick…”




“Dani, thought you were washing your hair?” I chuckled at her.




“Yeah busted I know. Sorry just well…”




I sighed and grinned to myself, “Yeah, don’t worry about it though.” Shit I should hold her accountable for trying avoid me. But damn her voice is cute.




“I just don’t like to mix business with…well you know.”




Oh do I know…damnit she’s being mean. “Yeah I understand.”




“Good because I’d really like to be friends you seem like such a great guy.”




MOTHERFUCKER! No, no no!!!!




“Really?” I ask trying to maintain my composure as much as possible. It’s bad enough that not only did I not kiss her but now she wants to be friends? Call me an ass, but it’s a simple truth. Girls do not kiss, touch, and fuck, or even think about being with their friends. Men do NOT want to be friends with a woman unless they’re gay. Men are looking to be with a woman hoping that she’s either going to be a good lay, or be the one. Sadly yeah we’re all looking for the same thing just some of us are more upfront about it. I myself am sick of that endless string of women.




There is such a thing as too much of a good thing.




And in all honesty it’s true. It’s fun to play around but seeing my friends settle down has made me want that too. Now maybe Dani is meant to be with me, or maybe I’ll get ready fully to actually commit to a solid relationship. I don’t mean one of those I date the girl because she’s hot and want to hit that. No I mean for once I’d like to have an honest relationship where I’m in it to be with someone I actually care for. So what’s with the turn around? Well the girls in LA, where I live. Pretty much the girls anywhere it seems. They don’t want dorky Nick Carter, the guy who still plays video games until 3AM. These girls want the red carpet, the Hollywood Premieres, going to the Grammy’s and all that bullshit.




I’d much rather have someone who’d just want to hang out at home and watch movies with me. Just be with me for all my faults and failures.





Is that too much to ask?




*******************************************************************************************************************************




“So how’ve you been?” She asked trying to make light conversation. Is it bad that I love her smile the way her eyes crinkle at the corners and the laugh lines she’s beginning to develop.




“I’ve been good, you?” I ask her sincerely.




She grinned more and nodded, “All right nothing bad really.” She replied as she snapped a few shots of me looking right at her with a grin.




Is that why she’s stringing me along? Making me like her so she can get good photos of me? Does she work the same way with the others? Does she use the same flirty banter we have?




Fuck liking someone when they don’t like you back sucks. It really does.




“So I was thinking that maybe we should hang out more…” She began.




Is she? Nah she’s probably suggesting we hang out and do each other’s nails or some bullshit like that. I raised my eyebrows at her in surprise.




“Well you know since we’re going to be on tour in like a week I’d like to ya know have someone who’ll show me the ropes. I’ve never been on a tour before.”




Oh show her the ropes? Goddamn she’s just asking for it isn’t she? So not fair… “Yeah sounds like fun.” Could I have said that with any less enthusiasm? Probably but hey she’s the one who put me in the friend zone.




“Oh don’t sound so enthused!” She exclaimed giving me a good shove on my shoulder. You know, for a girl she’s pretty strong. She’s such a tomboy from what I can tell however just imagining her in a skirt? Man I’d kill to see those legs. From the form fitting capri’s she’s wearing you can totally tell she’s athletic probably played softball or something.




“No seriously it’ll be fun to show you how a tour runs. How are the photo shoots going to work?”




She sighed and looked over at her notepad sitting open on her desk. “Well how I have I planned was to each week I’d focus on one guy while still doing the group shots. So like first week would be Brian and I would focus on how each of you are off stage behind the scenes.”




“So giving the fans an inside look?”




“Yeah and I was going to do video too, I have an assistant, Marie for that she’s an amazing videographer.”




Now I was truly impressed, this type of idea I didn’t expect to come from a photographer. The record company or Johnny maybe. But a photographer. “Seems pretty intensive. Are you sure you’re up to the challenge?” I flirted a little.




She raised her eyebrows at me and replied, “Well I was able to track Nine Inch Nails during a promotional tour they did for their Year Zero album they released earlier this year. Granted it wasn’t a huge tour with concerts but it still was a lot of fun.”




I smiled at her comparison, but in reality I felt a little intimidated. I mean yeah I’ve done some pretty cool stuff in my day but damn to be that confident about my work. I love my music and am confident in it’s quality but there’s always doubts that spring up. Does she have the same doubts that I do? “Do you ever get scared you won’t be able to achieve what you want to?”




She sighed and nodded, “All the time, I’m always second guessing myself. Especially when it deals with my work but I work my ass off to make sure that I don’t have to.”




“Perfectionist…” I retorted with a slight grin.




She rolled her eyes and smiled, “Not like you aren’t about your music I’m assuming. But then again I could be wrong.”




“Funny, no we work hard to get all the harmonies right.” I explained in all seriousness.




No one really understands exactly how hard it is to work as a musician. The sheer musical knowledge you need to be successful. Sure you can have a flash in the pan career thanks to Auto-tune but to be a real success, to have staying power like we’ve been so lucky to have, then you have to know what you’re doing.




I think on some level that Dani understands that. Maybe it’s because she’s also in the creative arts she can appreciate what it’s like to have to come up with things on the fly.




“So, how about we hang out tonight?” She asked with a coy grin.




I shot her a sideways glance, “Any reason why?”




“Well Rae keeps talking about you and wants to get to know ya and I figured we could just hang out and watch some movies.” She rambled a little. “Sorry I tend to ramble…”




“It’s fine people underestimate the value of a good ramble.” I joked back. Dear god could I sound more clichéd? “But yeah sounds like fun, it’d be great to get to know your niece.”




“Great, I’ll see you around 8 then?” She said as I got up to leave having to go to a few more meetings and then a couple of interviews. But movies at her place? I’m so down for that. True I most definitely won’t be able to get any action with the niece there but, I can however show her that I’m not some self-obsessed celebrity.




And maybe that just might be the key to getting past this stupid friendship stage and into something more?

Chapter Four: This Could Be The Beginning…



Okay she wants to be friends? Then okay I’m going to be an awesome friend. And maybe she’ll see I’m not all about getting laid that I actually respect her as a person and not just viewing her more as a possible romantic interest. Just from speaking to her I can tell that she’s scared of something. Maybe that’s why she wants to be friends first. Some douche bag hurt her and now she wants to make sure she won’t get played again.




Okay, okay I’m grasping at straws here but it is a good explanation, right?




Whatever, I’m just trying to look casual for movies tonight. See, that’s a very careful task. Dress too well and bam looks like you’re expecting more. Dress too comfortable and you look like a slob. So here’s what I’ve got planned…




Grey polo shirt, jeans and flip-flops. Standard comfy wear that’s not pretentious but can be dressy if need be. And for once I think I look actually pretty damn good, I’ll just spike up my hair a little and head out the door.




“Hey Carter…got a hot date?” I hear AJ ask from down the hall. Fuck, I really didn’t want to talk to him at the moment.




“No just going to see Dani…”




He arched an eyebrow at me and smirked, “Ah, so you’re hitting that?”




I straightened my back, not really liking what he was implicating. “Hey now, show some respect.”




“Oh shit, you haven’t fucked her yet? You’re pussy whipped without even getting any!” He chuckled at me. Yeah and HOW many times has he done the same?




With every one of his girlfriends he turns into their little bitch and does whatever they want. “You should know, since you’d do anything for a piece of ass.” I shot back at him.




“Oooo you’re defensive, you really like her don’t you?” He asked, completely serious.




I smiled at him, “Yeah I do, problem is getting that in return.”




He grinned and patted me on the back. “Easy, use your God given talent of charming chicks.” I laughed at him. Well this chick isn’t any normal girl. I think that charm is actually going to turn her off. But there’s only one way to find out.





******************************************************





“So, Rae, how old are you?” I asked, curious as to her age. She looked like she was about 14 but could be 12 for all I know.




She looked up from her book and replied, “I’ll be 13 in like a month.”




“So you’re in 7th grade?”




“Yep, so what’s with the 20 questions?” She asked getting a suspicious look on her face.



I sighed and grinned slightly, she knows I like her aunt, I can tell that she does. “Okay maybe we should cut the crap. I like your Aunt…a lot.”




“But you dated my mom.”




“Which was a lifetime ago we were all completely different people back then.”




She gave me a look as if to say ‘are you for real?’ and in all honesty, yeah I am. “So you’re not just trying to sleep with her?”




Damn she’s clever…




“No, I’m not, I think she’s amazing.” I remarked lowly, not wanting Dani to hear while she made snacks in the kitchen. Getting an idea I got up to go into the kitchen.




“She likes you, you know that right?” Raelynn replied making me stop in my tracks and turn.




“What makes you think that?” I asked completely curious.




Raelynn giggled a little and grinned, “Isn’t it obvious? She’s put you in the friend zone. She’s afraid of it not working out; she’s gotten hurt a lot by guys in the past. She likes you so she’s trying to preserve that I guess.”




Hmm, interesting... I make my way to the kitchen and turn just as I get to it giving Rae a grin, “Thank you…” I mouthed to her then turned to walk into the kitchen.




Dani looked over and grinned, “Is she torturing you?”




I had to laugh, really it was anything but. “Rae is a good kid. She cares a lot about you.”




“Well besides her grandparents I’m her only family.” She replied chopping up some vegetables.




I lean in and place my hand at the small of her back and whisper in her ear, “You’re amazing for taking such good care of her. And she loves you for it.”




I backed away and watch her stop chopping, reigning in her breathing a little.




YES! Exactly the reaction I was looking for. I got to her and I know it, her body language said it all over. I smiled and left the room quite pleased that I was able to get her to react the exact way she makes me feel. It was nice to turn the tables for once.




I walked back into the living room and relaxed on the larger sofa as Rae came up and sat next to me. “So I’ve been thinking…” She began; I looked over at her hoping she’d continue. “Well my aunt is stubborn as all hell. She’s a Libra and they don’t change their minds easily.”




Boy do I know about that, Kevin’s a Libra. Trying to change his mind? HA! Good luck there. True, he may not be in the band anymore and has no control over what happens, but when he was man, he’s the guy you want in contract negotiations - he made everything a deal breaker and got us a lot of shit in our day. “And…?”




“And, I wanna help. I like you. You’re the first guy that has actually shown interest in her as a person and wanted to get to know me.”




“Well you’re in her life. It’s only fair to see what she’s like without her camera and around her family, like you.” I explained. That did make sense, right? She gets to see me so unguarded and behind all the glitz and glamour of my job so why shouldn’t I get to see her walking around in comfy jeans and a Giants tee-shirt?




“Yeah but most men just want to hit it and quit it.” She said in all seriousness.




I sighed to myself, “About a year ago I would be one of those guys.”




“What changed?”




“A girl. I really liked her but it was just not the right time she was young and the relationship taught me a lot about what I want from a woman and the kind of woman I want to settle down with.”




She shot me a sideways glance. “Well how would you like me to help you get my Aunt?”




Help me? Hmmm sounds like an intriguing offer, now I have to hear more. “Get her?” I gave her surprised expression not really believing that a kid would want to help me.




“You know, get her to date you! How would you like it if I gave you inside information and…”




“Do a covert op to get her to drop her guard?”




“Yep, mission impossible style!” She exclaimed and started singing the theme song. I had to laugh; she was a dork but, an adorable dork.




“All right, all right you got me ¬– I’ll take help where ever I can get it with Dani.”




She grinned and held out her hand. I took it and shook her hand sealing our deal. Now I know what ya’ll are thinking: Why am I making a deal with an almost 13 year old to help me get her Aunt to date me? Well it’s quite simple…because I’m just seriously running out of ideas. I’ve tried the charm and have gotten a little reaction from it. I’ve tried pretty much everything except for two things.




One being the direct approach in which I lay it all out on the line and tell her I don’t want to be friends. Which is usually relationship suicide. You NEVER do that to someone male or female, it scares them. It’s a last resort if every other avenue has been exhausted and yielded no results, THEN you break out the ultimatum card.




And hopefully with Raelynn’s help I won’t have to get to that point…ever…

Chapter Five: …Of A Beautiful Friendship







“Hmmm I’m tired…” Raelynn announced giving me a look as she set down her cards. We’d been playing anything from Poker, to Gin Rummy to Speed and Bullshit. And I have to admit I got my ass handed to me every time.







Dani yawned a little and smiled, “Then go to bed sweetheart. You’re not going to be missing much just me and Nick here.”







Is it bad that I’m really excited to be alone with Dani? And it’s not because I want to put the moves on her either. It’s strange but the more I hang out with her, the more I really like and respect her. Was that her plan to want me to get to know her first and seduce her later? Granted she’s had over a half a bottle of wine so that could be the case.







I relax back into the couch as Dani kicks up her legs over mine. Okay this is a good sign. Means she’s comfortable with physical contact with me. “She’s fantastic.” I remarked giving her a grin as she leaned her head back.







“She is.” She slurred slightly.







I chuckle at her drunkenness and pat her knee. She looks over at me and gives me a lazy grin. She doesn’t stay like that for long as she moves closer and places her head on my shoulder.







“Thank you…” She began somehow she seemed a little clearer than before.







“For?” Truly I didn’t know what I was being thanked for. It could have been a ton of things. I placed my hand on her back and rubbed slightly hoping to show her that I’m not all about getting laid.







“Just for being here. It’s been rough with Rae and I.” She said her brown eyes looking away from me.







“Well you said you wanted to get to know me. And I got to see how much of a good person you are in the process. So it’s been worth it.” I said in all sincerity.







She gave me an odd look. “Are you just saying all of this because you like me, or do you mean it?” She said slurring her words a little. Gotta love how alcohol brings out the truth.







I sighed a little. “I do mean what I say. A few years back I would have said or done anything. But now I’ve learned that sincerity is much better than lies and games.”







She considered me for a moment and then pressed her lips to mine and….holy fuck. Even drunk she’s an amazing kisser. She deepened the kiss and I could almost taste the merlot on her as she pulled me down on top of her as she laid back on the sofa. The kisses became feverish and then…







It dawned on me she’s drunk, what if she regrets it in the morning? I know I’ve done a lot of stupid things when I was drunk that I regretted the next morning. But god she feels right, this feels…







No she’s drunk it shouldn’t feel right I couldn’t take advantage of her when she’s drunk. It’s not fair. She’s not coherent enough to make a solid decision of whether she really wants me or not. Maybe it’s all the alcohol talking?







Reluctantly I pull away and she gives me a perplexed look. “I should go…” I said getting up and off the sofa and grabbing my keys and wallet and went to the door for my shoes.







“Wait! Why?” She asked her hair disheveled, lips slightly red and swollen.







“I just…I can’t…I just can’t...” I said before walking out of the loft. I got in the elevator and slammed my head against the wall. “Get it together you schmuck!” I say aloud to myself.







**************************************************************************************






“You had a chance and didn’t?” AJ asked me sitting there in his boxer shorts.








“I know, I know it’s just she was drinking and I couldn’t do that to her. Take advantage of her like that.” I said sitting on the sofa of his suite. I put my head in my hands and just took a few moments to breathe.







“So this isn’t just about nailing our photographer? You honestly like her?”






I looked up at him and nodded. It was insane. I’d never been this attracted to someone before. Even certain ex-girlfriends of mine I hadn’t had this much chemistry with. “She’s just beautiful and sweet and funny and God Alex she was just…”







“Totally amazing kisser?”







“Fuck yeah…” I said sighing.







He laughed at me and I gave him an odd look. What the fuck is he laughing about? “Dude you’re so gone and now she’s probably going to be really hurt that you rejected her.”









“I didn’t reject her per se.” Okay maybe I did but it was a little rejection.







“Yeah you did big time. You basically told her you didn’t want to have sex with her. Therefore you don’t find her attractive or worthy of being objectified sexually.”








I sighed and gave him a look. She wasn’t something to be objectified in a magazine. She was…well she’s just Dani and now I’m going to be kicking myself forever for fucking this up.







The ONE girl I honestly like, the one I’d seriously could see myself with practically throws herself at me and what do I do? I get freaked and pull away how fucked is that?







“I don’t know Alex she’s…”







“She’s what? Come on man it’s not like she’s the end all be all of women. There are plenty others out there.”







I don’t want anyone else…whoa where did that thought come from? I have never EVER thought that way about any woman in my past. Fuck not even Mandy and I had that sort of connection where I’d want to give up other women or the possibility of other women. That alone…is insane by itself. Does it mean that I’m ready to settle down with one woman?







That could be the case, but whatever it is, it’s getting stronger all the time.








**********************************************************************************************************************








Two weeks… two long arduous and awkward weeks.







She hasn’t spoken to me except for chitchat. Fuck I hate this. All I want is to just to speak to her, tell her how I feel. I see her standing there talking to Howie and finally I think it’s time to talk to her about this.







I’ve waited two weeks to acknowledge that night and not once had she. She seemed to act as if I were invisible only recognizing my presence when forced.







In all actuality I’ve had to restrain myself from just breaking down and throwing her against a wall and ravishing her. The way she dresses, it’s comfortable jeans and tee-shirts mostly but stylish and it accents every curve…shit I just all flustered and turned on just by thinking about how clothes cling to her. I can’t even imagine what it would be like to be with her. I mean yeah we kissed, made out even but to seriously HAVE her? Damn might as well die right here.







Being around her is intoxicating in itself. Her perfume, light and completely girly yet not annoying and floral.







“Dude quit being a pussy and just talk to her.” AJ said patting me on the shoulder.







I took a deep breath and looked in her direction and made eye contact. Moments later I was in front of her, “Dani can I talk to you?”







She looked up at me a little surprised at my presence but nodded and stood excusing herself from her conversation with Howie.







It was now or never…literally. I needed to say all the things I had to say or I’d never get on a level playing field with her. And I’d never get another opportunity like this. I had to jump on it while I still could didn’t I?

Chapter Six: Internal Torment









We walked into the next room and she looked at me almost worried at what I might say to her. “Dani…what happened…”





“It was nothing Nick, don’t worry about it.” She interrupted avoiding all eye contact.





Nothing?!? That’s what she thought it was? God this is so not fair. “No it wasn’t nothing, not to me…not to you either.”





“How do you know that? Don’t tell me what I feel and what I don’t feel Nick!” She exclaimed getting mighty defensive awfully quick.





I moved closer to her pinning her between a wall, and me “Then why did you kiss me if it meant nothing to you?”





“Because it did mean something at the time but you made it clear that you didn’t want me. Apparently you just want to be friends.” She replied breaking away from me.





I sighed grabbed her arm. “I only stopped because I didn’t want to take advantage of you okay?! I respect you more than that to just use you to get laid.” I explained.





She shook me off, “Whatever Nick, can we please just forget it ever happened. I do want to be friends and it was purely a moment of weakness on my part.”





Fuck…be weak let me be with you come on now! I respected her, why do I have to be the one relegated to friendship?!





“I’m sorry for coming on to you like that Nick, and I do appreciate you not taking advantage of the situation. You’re a really great friend to me.”





I wasn’t trying to be a friend; I was trying to show you I respect you enough to make sure you’re sober before you have sex. “No it wasn’t like that, I wanted…”





“It’s okay Nick you don’t have to flatter me with lies about how you wanted me.”





I sighed and shook my head, goddamn was she stubborn. Not willing to even admit that a guy just might be attracted to her. Whatever, maybe eventually I’ll be able to break her of this habit she has. Call it false modesty but it’s pretty fucking genuine it’s like she doesn’t even realize how I react to her when she’s around? I’ve tried to make it pretty obvious that I really feel something for her.





But then again sometimes the hardest thing to see is the thing closest to your face.








******************************************************************************************************************









I watched her move around the room calmly and coolly instructing us on how to position for the photos. Not once did she break her role of photographer. Every once in a while, though, we did make eye contact she’d smile then avert her eyes. It almost got to the point where it was fun our little game of cat and mouse. But honestly resisting every urge to violate her in front of my bandmates was becoming more and more difficult to ignore.





I knew this week wasn’t my week that was in three weeks time. This one was Howie’s; a lot of it were pictures of him and Leigh or him at the band rehearsals so I did really see a lot of Dani but she ignored me for the most part unless it was for the group shots of the day.





She’d made a deal with the record company to have shots ready every day of the group of us for the website and then at the end of each week a photo story detailing the week through one of us. However, when the four weeks are over…she’s going to leave for a month and let her assistant Marie take over while she goes on a vacation with Raelynn.





A whole month without seeing her. I go a few hours and it drives me crazy. But a month…that’s going to be an experience in itself. But there are moments where it’s just Dani and I in a room and it just goes by way too fast. We start to talk and then someone barges in wanting or needing something or someone. Usually it’s Marie her assistant.





Marie’s a sweetheart, a total nerd but a kind person. A few years ago I would have completely ignored her but now with being older and not having my head so far up my ass it’s nice to meet a level headed intelligent girl. And she’s a huge rocker. Always wearing a Rolling Stones shirt, Sex Pistols, Led Zepplin, etc. I’m surprised her and AJ haven’t hit it off. But then again AJ found love again. A nice makeup artist (more specifically my makeup artist) Marley. Marley is hilarious. For the longest time I thought she preferred the fairer sex but apparently she’s straighter than I thought.





She’s like my therapist always wanting to help me talk out my issues when she’s doing my makeup for a shoot, or a show. And yeah it’s not something I enjoy wearing makeup but it’s necessary to show actual human pigment under the lights. Without it you look so ghostly it’s kinda freaky. But yeah back to Marley, totally not what I envisioned for AJ.





Speaking of…Marley walked into the room and grinned at me. “Hey slugger what’s up?” She asked using a nicknamed I’d earned on my solo tour.





“Not much just…”





“Pining over your hot photographer?” She replied with a grin.





I roll my eyes at her and give her a slight shove in the shoulder. “You’re mean.”





“Hey at least you’re friends with her though. Hell back in the day I would have been completely flattered to hear that you liked me.”





“Yeah?”





“Yeah well that was during my lesbian phase. When I was in college I went through this whole experimentation thing and I actually called myself a lesbian. But then I realized labels aren’t good. I’ve had relationships with men and with women and we all have similar problems.”





I gave her an odd look, “Well I can’t say anything about having relationships on both sides of the spectrum but I’ll take your word for it.”





She chuckled at me and leaned in a little, “She likes you though…she wouldn’t be pushing you away or staring at you when you’re not looking if she didn’t.”





“Huh?” Okay now that had me stumped yeah she may have kissed me when she was drunk but she was drunk girls do a lot of stupid shit when they’re drunk.





Case and point…Girls Gone Wild




Marley smiled and sighed, “So dumb sometimes, watch her even when you don’t think she’s looking at you just watch her but be subtle about it.” She explained as AJ came walking in the room.





“Making moves on my girl?” AJ said mocking jealousy.





She grinned and went over to him, “Honey come on Nick? Ha, too blonde for me.”





I laughed a little and shrugged, “She doesn’t know what she’s missing.” I retorted joking back. I loved being able to talk to Marley like that and have a good banter but nothing ever come of it. She’d become one of my closest friends and I’d been hoping that we would become friends. When I first met her in 2002 she was completely uninterested and I loved it. Finally ONE woman who didn’t want me.





So what changed?





Well first of all no offense to Marley, she’s great and all but Dani just God, totally blows her out of the water to me. Marley is the great girl you talk to about everything, and you listen to her ramble about everything. You learn a shit load about the opposite sex that way. More so than what my sisters ever showed me.





My sisters…the most conflicting bunch I’ve ever met. Bobbie, the consummate wild child is always doing something to try to piss me, mom and dad off. Most of the time its because we’re the authority figures. Angel is the consummate goody goody always doing something to impress us. Though she has her moments but really all she does is look for acceptance. Leslie on the other hand the one who doesn’t really seem to give a flying fuck what our family thinks about her life really is just looking for some attention from Dad. He never really paid much attention to her growing up and that’s kind of made her love starved. She’s absolutely a sweetheart but she’s bitter and doesn’t like to let people in.





Which leads me to Dani. She’s closed off for the most part. You can totally tell she doesn’t like to let a man into her heart. But maybe over these next few weeks the boys can soften her up a bit for me. They can show her how amazing their relationships are and maybe she’ll see that it’s not THAT difficult to be with someone like me.





It’s Howie’s week this week, AJ’s next and then lastly Brian’s maybe seeing them happily paired off will help me in my situation. And then when it’s my week I can show her how good of a man I can be for her.





Sounds like a good plan right?





I think so….let’s just hope this works.