Someday We'll Know by starbeamz2
Summary:

Someday we'll know
If love can move a mountain...
Someday we'll know
Why the sky is blue...
Someday we'll know
Why I wasn't meant for you...

Someday you'll know
That I was the one for you...

Years ago, Nick Carter swore he would never again have anything to do with Spencer Wilde. Unfortunately for him, their now twenty-one year old daughter has other plans…


Categories: Fanfiction > Backstreet Boys Characters: Nick
Genres: Drama, Romance
Warnings: None
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 16 Completed: Yes Word count: 47934 Read: 30947 Published: 11/19/07 Updated: 02/09/08
Story Notes:
Hello all! I've been kicking around this idea for a very long time--since about February or so. The song lyrics in the summary are from the song "Someday We'll Know" by Mandy Moore and Jonathan from Switchfoot. It's the inspiration for this story, and I hope you enjoy the story!

1. Prologue by starbeamz2

2. Chapter One: How Far We've Come by starbeamz2

3. Chapter Two: What A Girl Wants by starbeamz2

4. Chapter Three: Come Home by starbeamz2

5. Chapter Four: Once Again by starbeamz2

6. Chapter Five: Give A Little Bit by starbeamz2

7. Chapter Six: You and I Both by starbeamz2

8. Chapter Seven: Just Friends by starbeamz2

9. Chapter Eight: Somebody Like You by starbeamz2

10. Chapter Nine: You'll Think of Me by starbeamz2

11. Chapter Ten: My Confession by starbeamz2

12. Chapter Eleven: Sweet Misery by starbeamz2

13. Chapter Twelve: Through With You by starbeamz2

14. Chapter Thirteen: Torn by starbeamz2

15. Chapter Fifteen: Someday We'll Know by starbeamz2

16. Chapter Sixteen: Just You and Me by starbeamz2

Prologue by starbeamz2
The sun was shining, the leaves on the trees were slowly unfurling, and the air was warmer with the onset of spring.  Winter was finally moving on, and children were already piling into the playgrounds and skateboarding down the sidewalks.  None of it, though, affected the way Nick Carter felt at the moment.

Inside the waiting room of the Nashville, Tennessee hospital, he was a mess.  He paced from one end of the room to the other and back again.  He’d gone through countless cups of coffee and had, for a brief moment, considered smoking again.  Anything it would take to ease his nerves and calm him down.

His first child was about to be brought into the world.

Nick had been waiting for the past several hours, harrassing the nurses for information, begging to find out what was going on.  All he’d been told was that the labor had progressed smoothly, and it was only a matter of time before his child was born.

He was still more nervous than he’d ever been in his entire life.  And he’d been nervous and worried quite a few times in his crazy career.

“Mr. Carter?”

Nick’s head whipped around to the doorway where a nurse stood.  He was by her side in an instant.  “What’s going on? Is there any news?”

The nurse smiled.  “Congratulations, Mr. Carter.  You have a beautiful baby girl.  Mother and daughter are doing well, and, as soon as we’ve moved them into a recovery room, you’ll be able to see them.”

A girl. Nick was speechless as the nurse walked away.  He was a father now to a little girl.  Even knowing for nine months that he was going to be a father hadn’t prepared him for the moment that his little girl was brought into the world.  He wanted to jump up and down and shout for joy.  He wanted to take out an ad in the newspaper announcing his daughter’s birth.  Today, he thought, was a beautiful day.

March fourteenth was a day he’d never forget.

***

His heart was pounding as he followed a nurse down the hallway to the room where his little girl was sleeping in her mother’s arms.  He couldn’t wait to see her, hold her, and welcome her to the world.  The smile on his face was so wide that he was surprised his cheeks hadn’t fallen off yet.

The smile didn’t diminish a bit when he walked into the room and saw the mother of his child.  No matter what was between them, he reminded himself, he was here for his daughter first and foremost.

He practically tiptoed across the room to where Spencer Wilde lay on the hospital bed, their daughter cradled carefully in her arms.  Spencer looked up when he approached and managed a small smile.  He didn’t return it for his eyes were on the tiny baby.

Spencer didn’t bother to say anything to him, knowing there was no point.  Instead, she held out her arms.  “Would you like to hold her?”

Nick glanced at her then.  He noticed the pallor of her skin, the way her gray eyes were weary.  Her dark red hair had been pulled back from her face in a bun, but scraggly curls escaped from it and brushed her neck and cheeks.  Whatever he thought of her, he couldn’t deny the fact that she’d given him the greatest gift in the world.

“Yeah, thanks,” he murmured.  There was an awkward moment as he and Spencer tried to figure out how to pass the baby off carefully.  Once they’d managed it and he stood looking into the face of his daughter, he was stunned.  Here she was.  All six pounds eleven ounces of her.  She had dark hair, and he wondered if it would lighten up or stay the deep rich color of her mother’s hair.  He drank in the sight of her greedily, the tiny fingers, the cute little nose, the way her lips were scrunched together into the shape of a rosebud.  “She’s beautiful,” he whispered reverently.

“Yes, she is.” Spencer had to admit that the look of awe on his face was beautiful, too.  She’d never seen him like this, and she’d seen him in a variety of different moods.  “She got a ten on the Apgar scale.  It means she was perfect when she was born.  Everything worked properly, she was the right color, and was breathing properly.”

“She’s perfect.” Nick cautiously brushed his lips over his daughter’s forehead, inhaling the soft scent of baby.  “What do we name her?”

Spencer shrugged, a little surprised.  She’d expected Nick to have baby names picked out by now.  After all, he’d taken care of every other detail that pertained to their daughter’s life.  “Do you have any ideas?”

Nick looked up and met her eyes.  “A few.  You?”

“I like Sydney,” she answered then bit her lip.  “But we don’t have to name her that if you don’t want.”

He rolled the name over in his head a few times and tested it out.  He looked down into his sleeping daughter’s face.  “Sydney,” he murmured and watched the baby’s eyelids flicker.  “Hey, it’s a sign!” he whispered excitedly.  “She had a reaction to the name.” He grinned at Spencer and caught her off guard.  It was the first time he’d smiled at her in months.  “I think Sydney’s perfect.”

“Sydney Wilde-Carter,” Spencer completed.  “I like that.”

Nick murmured to his daughter for a few more minutes before a nurse came in.  

“Mr. Carter, Ms. Wilde.  I’m sorry, I need to take your daughter over to the nursery.” The nurse smiled at the way Nick was so enraptured with his child.  “Have you picked out a name then?”

Spencer took her eyes off Nick and looked at the nurse.  “Yes.  Sydney.  Her name is Sydney Wilde-Carter.”

“That’s very pretty,” the nurse replied with a smile.  “I’ll fill it out for you, and then you can sign her birth certificate.  Now, I really hate to do this, but I do need to take your daughter now.”

Nick reluctantly handed baby Sydney over to the nurse.  “Take care of her, okay? She’s the most important person in the world to me.”

The nurse smiled at his words as she settled Sydney into a bassinet.  “I promise, we’ll take wonderful care of her.”

When the nurse had taken Sydney away, Nick turned back to Spencer.  There was an awkward silence for a few moments before he spoke.  “I don’t know how to repay you,” he said quietly.  “You’ve given me the best and most precious gift I’ve ever received.  She’s incredible, amazing.  Spencer.” He paused and searched for the right words.  “I know that we’ve had our differences, but for this, I’ll always owe you.”

“Don’t.  Nick, she’s part yours, too.” Spencer didn’t want his gratitude.  “Whatever arguments we’ve had and however much we might dislike each other, she’s ours.  We made that beautiful little girl.”

“Yeah.” Nick stared down at his hand for a moment.  Then, clearing his throat, he looked up.  “Look, this might be the worst time to talk about this, but I just wanted to make sure that we have the schedule worked out.”

“Nick-”

He shook his head.  “You’ll have her for the first two years, but I’ll stop by as often as I can.  Sydney will never feel like she doesn’t have a father.  I want to hear her call me daddy. I’m going to be there when she takes her first steps.”

“I know.” Spencer felt tears fill her eyes but forced them back.  Tears wouldn’t work with Nick.  Not anymore.

“After she’s two, though, the custody papers say that we share joint custody.  That means, we switch her off every six months.  Until she starts school.”

“Nick, we’ll figure that out when we get there.  She was just born today!”

Nick narrowed his eyes.  “I know that. I’m just making sure that you’re clear on what’s going to happen.  I don’t want you bitching at me in two years about how not fair it is or whatever you’ll throw at me then.”

“Oh, fuck you, Nick Carter.”

“Wow, I thought lawyers were supposed to be more eloquent than that.  Is that the best you could come up with?” His temper was rising.  Spencer always managed to irritate him beyond belief.  How, he wondered, had he ever thought he could spend his life with this woman? It was a good thing they’d figured it out sooner rather than later.

Spencer was quiet for several moments before looking up at him.  “Just go, Nick.  I’ve had a long day, and I don’t want to do this now.”

Nick stared at her, the venom in his eyes clear.  “Fine.  I’ll be back to see Sydney.”

“Great.  Wonderful. Go.” She turned away from him and stared out the window.  “Pass out cigars and be proud of how amazing you are.”

He didn’t say anything.  He was sure if he opened his mouth, he would regret his words.  Not saying a word, he stormed out, just barely resisting the urge to slam the door.  If they weren’t in a hospital, he probably would have.

Spencer listened to the door shut and his receding footsteps before she squeezed her eyes shut.  She wished she could go back a year and make sure that she and Nick Carter had never met, but she couldn’t.  She wouldn’t have Sydney, and she didn’t want to wish her daughter away—no matter who her father was.

But if she were honest with herself, Spencer thought, she didn’t hate Nick.  Not even a little.  Because the worst part of the whole situation wasn’t that Nick hated her, it was that, even knowing he couldn’t stand the sight of her, she was in love with him.  Completely.  Totally.

Irrevocably.
Chapter One: How Far We've Come by starbeamz2
Tampa, Florida
Twenty-one years later


Nick paced a rut in the floor.  Checking his watch every ten seconds, he worried and studied the arrivals list in the airport terminal.  Running a hand through hair that was slightly silvered, he swore under his breath before he pulled out his cell.

“Nick, hi!”

He automatically felt slightly better hearing her voice.  “Hey, babe.  Listen, I’m going crazy here.”

“The flight hasn’t landed yet?”

“Apparently it landed half an hour ago, but she’s not here yet!” Nick ignored the people who stared at him.  “I mean, she should’ve been out by now, right?”

“Maybe the baggage claim is stalling.  Nick, you shouldn’t worry so much.” She tried to soothe him.

It didn’t help.  “Not worry? How can I not worry? I hate every time that she flies out by herself because anything could happen to her.”

“She’s twenty-one years old, Nick.  Besides, she’s a responsible adult now.  I don’t think you have to be so scared.”

His eyes constantly scanned the passengers streaming out the doors.  “Twenty-one is nothing, Cara!”

“This coming from the man that had flown all over the world by the time he hit that age?” There was a smile in her voice, and he had to admit that he did sound pretty silly.

“Okay, okay maybe I’m overreacting a little bit.” Then, he spotted her, and the world was steady again.  “She’s here.  I’ll see you in a bit, baby.”

“Great! Tell her I’ve got a great welcome home dinner waiting for her.”

“Will do.” Nick turned off his cell and hurried to meet his daughter.  When Sydney saw him, she, too, started to rush towards him, a huge grin on her face.  He crushed her into a big bear hug before letting go of her.  “Oh, man, have I missed you! It’s so good to see you, kid.”

Sydney let herself cling to her father for a moment longer.  “It’s good to see you, too, Dad. Christmas was forever ago!”

“I know.” Nick grinned as he tousled her rich red curls.  Her hair, the same shade as her mother’s, fell to her shoulders.  “You cut all your hair.  It used to be, like, halfway down your back.”

As they walked out of the terminal and towards the parking lot, Sydney touched a hand to her hair.  “I thought it was time for a change.” She studied her father for a moment.  “You’ve got some more wrinkles, old man.”

“Get out.  I do not.” Nick ran a hand over his forehead.  “Don’t lie to your dad.”

Her blue eyes, so similar to his, sparkled with humor.  “I’m not lying.  But it’s okay.  You look distinguished.  I bet all the women still swoon over you.”

Nick grinned.  “They always have.”

“Wow, Dad.  Anyone tell you that your self-esteem is through the roof,” she teased.  

He stopped by his car and shook his head.  “It’s good to have you around again.  You’re always good at keeping me in line.”

“Hey, it’s what I’m here for, old man.” But she hugged him back when Nick enveloped her in his arms again.  “I love you, Dad.”

“I love you, too.” He stepped back and started putting her bags in the trunk.  “So, you’re here all summer, huh?”

She nodded as she climbed into his car.  It was a stately BMW sedan—a far cry from the convertibles her carseat had been buckled into when she’d been younger.  “I still can’t believe I was lucky enough to get that internship in Tampa.  It’s perfect.”

“Yeah, now I get you for three months instead of half that time.” Nick started the car and didn’t bother to think about how annoyed Spencer probably was at the fact that their daughter wouldn’t be in Nashville that summer.  “Lucky me.”

“You’re not touring or anything, right?” Sydney buckled her seatbelt.  “I’d hate to be at your house and not see you.”

Nick shook his head.  “Nah.  Not this summer.  There’s a charity event we’re doing in Orlando at the end of August, but that’s a one day thing.” He reached over and tugged on her hair.  “You should come with us, Syd.”

Sydney smiled at the thought.  She loved seeing her father and his friends perform.  They’d been doing it for years, and she secretly thought they’d gotten better with age.  While they didn’t perform as often as they had in the past, the Backstreet Boys always tried to tour a little every year.  Their last studio album had come out nearly three years ago, but they were still riding off of its success.  She knew people thought they were washed up, but she loved them.

“I’ll have to find out if I can get off work that day,” she said as the car entered the highway.  “I’d love to go.  How are the others?”

“They’re great.  Kevin’s going to come down next weekend with Mason and Kristin.”

“Really?” She loved hanging out with Mason.  He was only a year older than her, and they’d always been close.  “That’s great! I can’t wait to see them.”

Nick smiled.  He couldn’t wait either.  He hadn’t seen Kevin in months, and he had big news to tell the man he’d always considered his big brother.  “Well, we’ll see them soon.  In the meantime, Cara wanted to let you know that she made your favorite for dinner tonight.”

“Really? Cool.” Sydney studied the city as they drove through it.  “How’s she been doing?”

“She’s great.  Really great.”

She turned to look at him, hearing his voice soften.  “Yeah?”

“Of course.  But, we’re almost home, so you’ll be able to see her for yourself.  She missed you.” Nick took their exit.  “We both did.  I wish you’d been able to make it by for spring break.”

Sydney didn’t bother to sigh or regret.  Whenever she was at either parent’s house, they lamented about the fact that she wasn’t at their house often enough.  Once upon a time, it had made her feel guilty, but not anymore.  After all, she wasn’t the one who’d decided not to get married.  Still, she’d been shipped back and forth between Nashville and Tampa all her life.  During the school year, she’d stayed with her mother, but for every holiday and break, she’d visited with Nick.  She’d never really felt a lack of love from either parent, but, every Christmas, she’d wished for a miracle that would bring them back together.  Nearly fifteen years of wishing hadn’t gotten her what she’d wanted.

When she was quiet for a while, Nick glanced over at his daughter.  There was a frown on her face, and he winced, knowing his words had put that look on her face.  “Hey, don’t worry about it.  I’m glad you’re here now.” He patted her hand.  

Sydney didn’t say anything, but, knowing he needed it, she smiled.

***

When Sydney stepped in the front door, she had a moment to look around for any changes before she was caught up in a hug.  

“Sydney, honey! Oh, I’m so glad you’re here.” Cara held on for a moment longer before stepping back to study Nick’s daughter.  “I swear, you just get prettier every time I see you.”

Sydney smiled.  “I’m glad I’m here, too.  You’re good for my ego.  And, hey, you look great, too!” It was true, Nick’s girlfriend of three years seemed to defy age and look better the older she got.  At forty-four, her skin was naturally smooth, her dark brown hair barely touched by gray, and there wasn’t a trace of wrinkles at the edges of her pretty green eyes.  “Gosh, I hope I age as well as you do.”

Nick slipped an arm around Cara’s waist.  “I always feel like her dad whenever we’re out in public.” He chuckled when she poked him.  “Hey, you know it’s true.”

“Whatever.” Cara turned to Sydney.  “Last week, your father and I were at a restaurant, and the waiter told Nick his daughter was beautiful.”

Sydney’s eyes widened.  “He didn’t!”

“He did.” Nick shook his head.  “He was definitely flirting with her, too.” He brushed his lips over Cara’s temple.  “Weird as it was, it’s nice to know I can attract someone as perfect as Cara.”

“Please, you know you don’t look old.”

“Nah, he just looks distinguished,” Sydney put in, earning a glare from Nick.

He put his hand over his heart as though he were wounded.  “My own daughter.  No respect.  You just have no respect for age.” But he grinned as he said it.

Cara squeezed his hand before slipping an arm around Sydney’s shoulders.  “Why don’t you go on up and get freshened up? Dinner’s just about ready.  The old guy and I will set the table.”

Sydney ignored Nick’s insulted voice and kissed Cara’s cheek.  “Thanks. I’ll be right down.”

When she was gone, Nick beamed.  “She’s perfect, Cara.  She’s everything I could’ve hoped for.”

Cara took his hand in hers and led him into the kitchen.  “It feels like we were at her high school graduation last week.  Now, look.  God, I feel old.”

Nick tipped up her chin and kissed her.  “You and me both.  It’s good to have her back here.”

“When should we tell her?” Cara moved away from him and began to take silverware out of a drawer.  

Nick shrugged.  “After dinner, I guess.  Don’t be nervous, Cara.”

“I’m not.” But she was.  “I hope she’ll be happy.”

It was his biggest fear that she wouldn’t be, but he had to be confident for Cara.  “She loves you, so she’ll love the news.”

“Yeah?”

They heard Sydney’s footsteps come down the stairs.  

“Definitely.”

***

After dinner, they settled on the deck, overlooking the pretty sight of the beach and the water beyond it.  The air was warm, and gulls soared overhead.

“So, Cara.” Sydney scraped more cheesecake off her plate.  “You still haven’t moved in with Dad, huh?”

Cara and Nick exchanged glances, surprised that Sydney had given them the perfect opening.  “Uh, no, not yet.” Cara smiled a little.  “I always told Nick that I wouldn’t live with a man, unless we were married.”

“That’s pretty admirable of you.” Sydney licked her spoon.  “I mean, most people don’t even think twice about moving in together.”

“Yes, well, things change,” Cara replied simply.  

Nick cleared his throat.  “But, uh, we’re planning on moving in together in July,” he said carefully.

Sydney looked up, surprised.  “Really?  But I thought you said…” She trailed off and looked from Nick to Cara before her gaze dropped to the ring that glittered on Cara’s left hand.  “Oh.”

“Oh?” Nick was nervous now.  “We’re getting married, kid.  I asked Cara a couple weeks ago, and she said yes.”

“So the wedding’s in July?” Sydney was careful to keep her voice neutral while her insides bubbled and boiled.

Cara nodded.  “We wanted to do it quietly and fairly quickly.  I didn’t want to give Nick a chance to re-think things,” she added jokingly, trying to ease the tension she felt.

“Don’t be silly.  You’re what I want,” Nick told her.  “’Til death do us part and all that jazz.”

Sydney managed a smile.  “Well, that’s really great then! I’m happy for both of you.” She got up and hugged the two of them.  “You picked a good one, Dad,” she whispered into his ear.

Nick grinned at her, feeling as though he’d received the greatest gift.  “Yeah?”

“Absolutely.” Sydney grinned.  “So, seeing how I’m twenty one and all, I think we should celebrate with champagne.  Got any?”

He frowned at her.  “You’re not allowed to touch alcohol until you’re fifty, young lady.”

She rolled her eyes while Cara chuckled.  “Come on, Dad.  The law says I’m allowed.”

“In my house, Nick’s law is the only law,” he said solemnly.  “But, because this is a special occasion, I think I can let it slide.”

As they raised a toast to the engagement, Sydney stewed on the inside.  All of her life, she’d wanted nothing more than to see her parents get back together.  It had given her some hope when neither of them had married, but, now, she was afraid that those hopes were about to be dashed forever.  She loved Cara, but she loved her mother more.  She didn’t want a stepmother, Sydney thought bitterly, she wanted Nick and Spencer to be her only parents.  

Obviously, Fate didn’t care what she wanted.  So, Sydney decided, she’d just have to come up with a way to do it herself.
Chapter Two: What A Girl Wants by starbeamz2
Author's Notes:
Wow! I'm on a serious roll with this story! I hope everyone's excited about where this story is going. I promise, after the next chapter, things will really get rolling! Enjoy!
As the first week passed, Nick and Sydney settled into an easy routine.  During the day, both of them were out and about for their work.  Nick had meetings and recording sessions with various artists on his Kaotic label.  After years of working for it, his label had taken off and, while it mostly handled independent artists, he was proud to say that some of the musicians he’d signed had gone on to achieve number one albums and sold out tours.  

For the summer, Sydney was an intern at a law firm in downtown Tampa, which was why she was able to stay the summer with Nick.  True, he wasn’t thrilled at the idea that his daughter was following in the footsteps of her mother, but he was proud of her achievements and ambitions either way.  She was his shining star, and he’d do whatever it took to help her be successful and happy.  Not wanting to turn into his parents, he’d worked hard to be the best father for her and, while there were still times he worried, seeing the kind of woman his daughter was becoming made him proud.

When they were both home from work and meetings, they would head down to the beach, go out for dinner, or just order in and watch movies.  He loved hearing about all the things she was doing in college, her activities, and, the thing every father hated to hear about, boys.  Being with his daughter was a joy for Nick, and he liked the fact that they were friends as well as father and daughter.  He’d lost a great deal of respect for his own parents, but having Sydney helped him see that children and their parents could have a great relationship, too.

Nick never allowed himself to think that, part of the reason Sydney had turned out as wonderful as she had, was due to the way Spencer had raised her.  After all, Sydney wasn’t all a product of his sole work—her mother had a huge part in her upbringing, too.  The thing was, though, that if he thought of Spencer, it would annoy him to no end.  All their arguments, the cruel words they’d both tossed at each other, the angry expression on her face—it would all come back to him and infuriate him.  Sure, they’d had more between them than the bad times.  He felt guilty whenever he thought of how she’d been the only woman in his life to completely understand him, especially since he couldn’t entirely say the same about Cara.  Through the good and the bad, Spencer had gotten inside him more fully than he’d ever allowed another person to be.

And then she’d messed it all up.

Nick shoved away from his desk and stood by the window, staring out at the waves lapping the sand.  He didn’t want to think about Spencer, not ever, but, the truth was, he thought of her a little more often than he’d like.  Then again, he really had no choice but to think of her.  She was the mother of his child, and there were times that they had to talk about Sydney’s tuition, her grades, when she’d gotten her wisdom teeth out, etc.

But, it had been nearly three years since he’d seen her at Sydney’s high school graduation.

He sighed a little.  Spencer was the past, and Cara was his future.  She was perfect for him in every way.  She was smart, funny, and an incredible cartoonist.  Her comic strip ran in Sunday papers across the country.  She was a fabulous cook and enjoyed the same music and movies that he did.  Spencer, on the other hand, had been a staunch conservative, never taking chances, never following impulse, and always making multiple back up plans for everything.

Nick smiled a little, remembering the time she’d had Plans A to E made up for a romantic trip they’d planned on taking before the Unbreakable tour.  

“God, what a basket case,” he muttered aloud before shaking all thoughts of her away.  When the phone rang, he reached for it.  “Hello?”

It was Cara.  “Hey, Nick.  How’s it going?”

“Not bad.  What’re you up to?”

“I stopped by one of the caterers on our list for the wedding.  Actually, I’m there right now, and the owner said, if we wanted, he can let us taste test some of the foods we might want.” She paused.  “I know you have work you should be doing, but now would be a great time to do this.”

Nick glanced at the clock.  It was barely one in the afternoon.  Sydney wouldn’t be home until four, and he could always work later at night to finish up loose ends for one of his artists.  “Sure, I can come by.  Where are you at?”

Ten minutes later, he hurried out the door to meet his fiancée.  The most important thing for him now was his wedding to Cara and making absolutely sure that his one and only trip down the aisle would be perfect.

***

Kevin Richardson had not changed in all the years Nick had known him.  He was still the same, with the small addition of lots of grays that he unabashedly loved.  Nick thought it weird that Kevin had always looked forward to the day when his luxurious mane of dark hair would go white, but, from the reaction of fans of Kevin’s Broadway career, it appeared that Kevin had known what he was doing.

Kevin always knew what he was doing, though.  He’d never come back to the Backstreet Boys, though there were plenty of charity concerts where he would join them on stage.  Nick treasured those times more than any other, and he secretly believed Kevin did, too.

Then there were Kristin and Mason.  Where Kevin was the big brother Nick had always wanted, Kristin was the big sister he’d never had.  She was one of the few women he’d ever really looked up to, and she and Kevin gave him the kind of support he’d really needed at some of the lowest points in his life.  Their son, Mason, was a great kid.  Just a year older than Sydney, he hadn’t followed his parents into show business. Instead, he was set to start at medical school in the fall.

All in all, they were one of the best families he’d ever known, and they were a testament to the fact that, if you worked hard enough, a family could survive and thrive.

Nick was thrilled to open his front door and find them on his porch.  “Hey! I can’t believe you’re finally here,” he said, an instant before Kevin enveloped him in a hug.  “Gosh, it’s been way too long, man.”

“You’re telling me,” Kevin said as he stepped back, giving Nick time to hug Kristin and greet Mason with a quick hug.  “Seven months in between visits is so not okay, Nick.  What are you doing out here that’s keeping you from coming out to see us?”

“Seriously, Uncle Nick.” Mason shoved his sunglasses to the top of his head, revealing eyes as brilliant a green as his father’s.  “You didn’t even come to my graduation.”

Nick sent him an apologetic smile.  “Sorry, man.  I meant to, but, well, there’s been some stuff going on here.  I couldn’t get away.”

“Stuff?” Kristin followed her men into the house.  “Nothing in your life could possibly be as important as my kid’s graduation, Nick.”

Nick grinned.  “Okay, fine.  You don’t have to come to Sydney’s next May.  Give me a break, will you? I promise, I had a good reason.  I’ll tell you about it in a bit.”

“Sure.” Kevin followed Nick into the kitchen and spotted Cara marinating steaks.  “Hey, Cara!”

She turned from food prep and smiled when she saw them.  “Oh, thank goodness you’re here! Nick has been driving me crazy.  Maybe now you can take him off my hands.” She grinned when Nick sputtered.  “It’s been ‘I can’t wait until Kevin gets here,’ ‘What’s taking them so long?’ ‘Should I call the airline to find out if they’ve made it?’” She held out her hands when Kevin started to hug her.  “Sorry, I’m just a mess.  Better not risk your clothes.”

Kevin shrugged but kissed her cheek anyway.  Of all of Nick’s lovers, Cara was one of the most levelheaded, and he thought she was exactly what Nick needed now.  Of course, he still thought that Spencer had been Nick’s best shot at forever, but, well, that hadn’t turned out so well.  “How have you been? Work seems to be going well for you.”

“Yeah, I read the strip every Sunday,” Mason told her.  “It’s always been my favorite.”

“Lies,” Cara joked.  “It’s okay, you can tell me what you really think.  I won’t take offense.”

Mason shook his head.  “Seriously, Cara, your work rocks.  I know lots of people at school who read it.”

Her cheeks stained with color a little.  “Well, thank you.  It’s always gratifying to hear that my work is so well received.” She looked over when Sydney rushed into the room.

“Uncle Kevin! Aunt Kris!” Sydney threw her arms around Kevin’s neck when he caught her up in his arms.  “I can’t believe you’re here! I haven’t seen you in a year.”

“We’ll lay the blame for that on your dad,” Kristin told her as she, too, hugged Nick’s daughter.  She and Kevin had always worried and prayed for Sydney to grow up well-adjusted, considering her parents’ conflicts.  Looking at Nick and Spencer’s daughter, now, Kristin knew they shouldn’t have worried.  She was perfectly fine.  “You grew up beautiful, sweetie.”

Sydney grinned.  “It helps that my parents have fabulous genes.” She noticed the way everyone’s smiles turned just a little strained and struggled not to sigh.  She turned to Mason.  “Hey, it’s Mr. Johns Hopkins med school!” She kissed his cheek.  “How’ve you been? How was graduation?”

Mason tugged on her hair playfully.  “It was good.  How about you? Still playing at being a pre-law student?”

“For your information, I’m interning at a law firm this summer,” she told him indignantly, her hands fisted on her hips.  “I will be a lawyer.”

He grinned and slid an arm around her shoulders.  “Relax, Syd. I was kidding.  You’ll be a great lawyer.”

“Thanks.” Sydney looked over at Nick.  “So, Dad, when do we get to eat the steaks you’re going to burn? I’m starving.”

“Listen, kid, I did not expect all these insults this summer.” Nick shook a finger at her.  “If I had known…”

Kristin chuckled.  “Better get used to it, Nick.  Mason makes it a point to tell me and Kevin whenever we have a new strand of white hair.  As if I don’t already know.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. We’re old, we know it.” Kevin waved off the old geezer comments.  “But Syd’s right.  Nick always burns everything he tries to barbecue, so I’ll do it.”

“Hey!”

When Nick’s face scrunched up into a frown, everyone laughed.

***

“So.” Nick leaned back in his chair and looked around at some of the most important people in his life.  Everyone seemed to be enjoying dinner, even though he hadn’t been given the opportunity to grill any of it. “Cara and I have an announcement to make.”

“You’re having a baby!” Kristin’s hand flew to her mouth in surprise.  “Oh, Nick, I’m so happy for the both of you!”

He blushed.  “No, jeez. Kris, it’s not like that.  Besides, I’m too old to have more kids.”

“Oh.” It was Kristin’s turn to blush.  “Oops.  I just thought…”

Cara patted her hand.  “I know, and, while that would be really nice, I think we’re both past that age.”

“Oh, you never know,” Kristin told her.  “I mean, technology these days is really making it easier to have children when you’re in your forties and fifties.”

Kevin laid a hand over his wife’s and squeezed it.  “Darling, I think Nick wants to make an announcement that has nothing to do with babies.  You can convince them later about having children.” He looked over at Nick.  “So, what’s the big announcement?”

Sydney slid lower in her chair, knowing what the news was and not liking it one bit.  When Mason noticed her expression, he leaned over.  “What’s wrong?” he whispered.

“Nothing,” she whispered back.

At the head of the table, Nick beamed.  “A couple weeks ago, I asked Cara to marry me, and she said yes! We’re getting married at the beginning of July, and you guys are definitely invited.”

Kevin was speechless for a moment, but Kristin leapt up and, rounding the table, she threw her arms around Nick.  “Oh, Nicky! I’m so happy for you! Look at you, finally ready to settle down.  I’m so proud of you.”

Nick smiled even as his cheeks turned pink.  “Thanks, Kris.  I’m glad you approve.”

“Of course, I do! Kevin, isn’t this the greatest news?”

Kevin could only nod.  “Sure, yeah.  July’s only a month away, Nick.  What’s the big rush?”

“I don’t want to give him any room to wiggle away,” Cara told him.  “It took him three years to ask me to marry him, and I’m not taking any chances.”

“Smart woman,” he replied, smiling.  “Well, this certainly calls for a toast.”

For the second time in a week, Sydney toasted her father’s impending nuptials and tried to pretend as best she could that she was super happy and ultra thrilled.  She wondered what her mother would say when she heard Nick was getting married.

“So, have you told the rest of the guys, yet?” Kevin asked as they sipped champagne.  “You are inviting them, aren’t you?”

Nick nodded.  “Of course! Dude, I can’t get married without my big brothers at my side. What if I pass out? Who’ll catch me?” he joked.  “I haven’t told them yet.  I wanted you to be the first to know.  Besides, the wedding’s only going to be my siblings, Cara’s parents and her best friend, and you guys and your families.  Mason and Sydney, the two of you can bring a guest each, too.  I forgot to tell you, kid,” he apologized to Sydney.

Oh, goody. Someone to complain to the whole time, Sydney thought bitterly, but, for Nick, she put on a bright smile.  “Great! Thanks, Dad.”

“Where’s the wedding going to be held?” Kristin asked Cara.

“I was baptized in this church not far from here, and it’s where my family attended services for the longest time.” Cara smiled as Nick took her hand in his.  “Nick agreed that it would be best to have it there.”

Nick? Getting married in a church? Kevin tried not to laugh aloud at that.  Nick had always been the one to insist that, if he ever took the fatal plunge, his dream was to do it on a yacht out on the water at sunset.  But… “That’s really nice,” he said out loud.  “I never actually thought Nick would get married, but I’m glad he is, and I’m glad it’s you.”

While Sydney stifled her disgusted groan, Cara and Nick smiled hugely at each other as Nick leaned over to kiss her.  Something, Sydney thought, had to be done.  And fast.

***

“Are you going to tell me what’s bugging you, or do I have to guess?” Mason asked Sydney as they cleared the table later.  The sun had nearly set, and their parents had gone inside.

Sydney shrugged.  “You’re going to think I’m being stupid.”

“Whatever, Syd.  Spill it.”

“It’s just that I always dreamed of the day when my parents would get married.  To each other,” she began.  “I mean, I know that they can’t stand each other because of something that happened before I was born, but neither of them ever talk about it.  They had to have had feelings for each other in order to have me, but they don’t say anything.  And, now, Dad’s getting married to Cara!” Angrily, she shoved dishes together, causing them to rattle.  “I can’t believe he’s doing this to me!”

Mason tried not to laugh at how cute she looked when she pouted.  Instead, he carefully picked his words.  It wouldn’t be wise to make her more angry.  “Look, Sydney.  Don’t you think that, if your parents really loved each other ever, that they wouldn’t have split? Or, if they had, that they would’ve gotten back together by now? It’s not like they haven’t had the chance to do it.”

“Maybe. Or maybe they just haven’t had a push in the right direction.” She smiled slyly as a plan began to develop in her mind.  “I mean, come on, I think my mom totally still has feelings for Dad.  She’s never dated anyone as far back as I can remember.  I bet Dad was her last.”

“She’s the District Attorney,” Mason pointed out.  “Did you ever think that she hasn’t had enough time or energy leftover to date?”

Sydney shook her head.  “No.  If she’d really been interested in someone, she would have made time.  Which makes me think that she’s still hung up on Dad.”

“Sydney.” Mason gripped her shoulders, forcing her to look at him.  “I know you just want what’s best for your parents, but maybe you’re wrong.  Besides, your dad looks like he really loves Cara, and Cara really loves him.  She makes him happy.  Don’t you want your dad to be happy?”

“Well, duh.” She shrugged his arms off.  “But he’ll be happier when he’s with my mom.  I know you don’t believe me, Mason,” she added when he opened his mouth to protest, “but I know my parents.  Trust me when I say that they belong together.  And I’m going to make sure it happens.”

Mason smacked his forehead with his hand.  He knew that look in her eyes.  “What are you going to do?”

“Are you offering to help?” Her eyes sparkled innocently, and he knew he was sunk.

“Shit.  Yeah, okay.  Fine.  But, if anyone asks, I had nothing to do with it.”

Sydney threw her arms around his neck and hugged him.  “You won’t regret this! I promise.  You’re going to feel so good about doing this when you see how happy my parents are together!”

For her sake, Mason hoped she was right.  He had no doubt that Sydney would do whatever it took to make sure that she got exactly what she wanted.  He just hoped that it wouldn’t hurt Nick, Cara, and Spencer in the end.
Chapter Three: Come Home by starbeamz2
Nick worried over it. He brooded about it all night and through the following day’s meetings and paperwork. With Kevin and Kristin in Orlando to visit with old friends, there was no one he could ask for advice. If he told Cara about his suspicions, it would definitely hurt her. So, he was left to worry it over in his head.

As he stewed about it, he didn’t pay attention and ended up cutting himself as he sliced a tomato for the salad he was making to go with dinner. When he yelped at the stinging pain and the beads of blood that welled up on his skin, Sydney rushed to his side from where she’d been checking on the pasta.

“Shit, shit, shit.” Nick cursed steadily and fluidly. His daughter had heard far worse, he was sure, and he didn’t care, at the moment, to censor himself. He was in pain, damn it.

Sydney grabbed his hand and dragged it under the kitchen sink. “What happened, Dad?”

“Fucking knife. Sorry,” he apologized. The pain was less than it had been before, but his thumb still throbbed where the knife had cut into his skin. “Guess I wasn’t looking where the knife was going.”

“It’s okay. I don’t think you need stitches. You’re lucky it wasn’t too deep.”

He smiled a little and ruffled her hair. “Maybe you should be the one going to med school instead of Mason. It’s okay, Syd, it’s stopped bleeding,” he added as she continued to fuss over it.

“Yeah, okay.” She turned off the tap. “I’ll get a Band-Aid.”

Nick watched as she went to the medicine cabinet and pulled out the box of bandages. He wanted so badly to say something, but he didn’t know how to broach the subject. “Sydney, why aren’t you happy that I’m marrying Cara?” Sometimes, he thought, the best way was flat out asking.

Sydney fumbled the box in her surprise and spilled bandages all over the floor. She gathered them up, then turned to face her father. “Dad, why would you think that I’m not happy? Of course, I’m happy,” she lied.

“Sydney.” He knew she was lying, he could see it on his only child’s face. “Don’t lie to me. Ever.”

She shrugged and unwrapped one of the bandages, before passing it over to him. “I’m not lying. Yeah, I was surprised that you’re getting married after all this time, but I’m not lying to you. I do think Cara’s good for you.”

“Honestly?” He wasn’t sure whether he should believe her or not. “You’re not just saying that to make your old man feel better?”

“Dad.” She shook her head. “Cara makes you happy, right?”

Nick nodded. “Definitely.”

“Then that’s fine with me.” Sydney hugged him lightly. “I only want to see you happy, and, if Cara does that, then, hey, who am I to argue, right?”

While one part of him reveled in the fact that he’d been wrong, that she hadn’t been upset about the upcoming wedding, another part of him still sensed that she was hiding something from him. “Right,” he said slowly. “But you’d tell me if something was bugging you, right? You know you can tell me anything, kid. I’m your dad.”

“I know.” She felt bad for lying to him, but she was so sure that the plan she was formulating would work out for the best for everyone. “So, are we done with today’s serious father-daughter conversation?”

“Yeah.” Nick secured the bandage in place over his cut and hoped his worries would be gone now. “To be on the safe side, I think I’ll get out the pasta. You get to finish up the salad. I’m so not going near that knife again.”

Sydney giggled. “You’re such a little kid, Dad.”

***

Spencer Wilde, District Attorney for the city of Nashville, was buried in the mounds of paperwork that piled up in neat stacks on her desk. She was well used to burning the midnight oil in order to get everything done and filed away. Some called her a workaholic, but Spencer preferred the adjective “dedicated” because that’s what she was. She’d interned in law firms from her high school years through to when she’d first been hired by one. She’d climbed the rungs in the ladder of the firm to make partner, then had resigned to work in the district attorney’s office. For years, she’d slaved away at it until, finally, she’d been appointed as the DA five years earlier.

The piles of paperwork were nothing new to her.

Spencer worked diligently, typing up reports, authorizing plea bargains, reviewing the day’s cases. Her long red hair was knotted into a bun at the base of her neck where it wouldn’t be in the way. Her deep gray eyes with their crow’s feet wrinkles at the corners were focused behind wire-framed glasses. Occasionally, a frown would mar her still wrinkle-less forehead as she found problems in what she read.

She’d been up for nearly eighteen hours now, but it didn’t occur to her to stop and take a break, or go to bed.

The ringing of the phone jolted her out of the printed words in front of her.

Frowning at the disturbance, she reached for it. “Hello?”

“Mom! Hey, I hope I didn’t interrupt anything important.”

Sydney. Work flew out of her mind as Spencer set down her pen and leaned back in her chair, a smile on her lips. “Of course not. How’s my baby doing?”

“I’m good. Tampa’s really relaxing.”

“And the internship? Are you liking it?” Spencer was still amazed that her child wanted to follow in her footsteps. It was immensely satisfying and gratifying to know Sydney had chosen the law instead of the entertainment industry.

“Oh, yeah. It’s great! The partners always come around and talk to us interns. I get to go to my first court case tomorrow. This woman apparently killed her husband, but she claims it was accidental. Of course, we have to prove that she didn’t, but…” And, she was off, Spencer thought but still listened keenly to her daughter’s excited voice.

When Sydney had run through the case, Spencer had to smile. “Wow, sweetie, it sounds like you’ve been getting exciting stuff right from the start. I didn’t get to sit in on my first murder case until I was in law school. Good for you.” She paused. “So, how’s everything else down there, besides the internship?”

“I’m definitely thinking I want to do criminal law,” Sydney replied before she paused for a moment. Then, “Oh, things are good here. Uncle Kevin and his family were here last week, and it was great to see them. Plus, I’ve been spending lots of time with Dad, which is good.”

Despite everything else Spencer could say about Nick, she had to admit that he’d surprised her by being an incredible father. “That’s nice.”

“Yeah, but there’s some exciting news. Which is why I called you.”

“Oh?” Spencer’s brow wrinkled. “What is it?”

“Do you remember Cara, Mom? She was at my graduation with Dad.”

Spencer tried to remember what Nick’s latest woman looked like and recalled a pretty brunette with more intelligence than she’d come to expect from his string of ladies. “Sort of. Yeah. Why? What’s going on?”

“She and Dad are getting married in, like, three weeks! So they’re all busy with wedding preparations.”

She felt the blow Sydney’s words caused her and struggled to control her emotions. “Married? Really? That’s…really nice.”

“Yeah, I think so. It’s about time Dad found someone who makes him happy and someone he can grow old with. Even though he’s already old,” Sydney snickered.

“Hey, just you wait. You’ll be in your forties before you know it,” Spencer replied mildly, a small smile on her face. The news of Nick getting married was still reverberating through her. After all this time, he’d actually found someone. Part of her was happy for him, while the other part was shocked speechless.

“That’s what Dad says, too. You guys are way too sensitive about your age. Anyway, it’s going to be a really small ceremony in a church. There’s only going to be, like, fifty or sixty people there.”

A church? Spencer remembered that they’d planned on renting a yacht for their ceremony. That was in the dim, dark past, she reminded herself. “It sounds like it’s going to be a very lovely wedding.”

“Yeah, I think so, too. Dad said I could invite a guest if I wanted.”

“Oh? Is there a boy from school that you’re thinking about asking?”

“Nah. Boys at school are just egotistical jerks.” Sydney sighed. “I don’t want to be bored senseless at the wedding. Besides, if I wanted to hang out with boys, Mason and Baylee will be there.” She paused. “I wanted to ask you to be my guest, Mom.”

“What?!” Spencer blinked, confused. She wasn’t at all sure she’d heard right. “Would you mind repeating that because I swear I heard you say that you want me to come to your father’s wedding with you.”

Sydney was quiet for a moment. “Uh, yeah, that’s what I said, Mom. I know you and Dad don’t exactly get along too well, but I’d really love it if you came. For me. I won’t be able to see you before I go back to school in the fall, and this would be the perfect way to see you. Plus, when’s the last time you took a vacation? You could take off for a week, come down, and we’ll spend time doing sightseeing and stuff. You wouldn’t even have to see Dad until the day of the wedding.”

Spencer didn’t know what to say. “Sydney, I just don’t think this is a good idea. I doubt your father wants to see me on his wedding day.”

“Mom, whatever you and Dad feel about each other, I think you can be adults enough to be polite to each other on his big day,” Sydney said impatiently. “Please, pretty please come? I promise, Dad won’t even be around, so you won’t see him until the day of his wedding. Just come for me?”

Attend Nick’s wedding? Watch him marry another woman when her heart was still his? It had to be akin to torture sessions. She shouldn’t put herself through that, Spencer told herself. She hadn’t seen him in three years, and the tangled mass of feelings she had for him had slowly begun to subside. After twenty years. It was pathetic, she thought. Just downright pathetic that she was still in love with a man who had always made it perfectly clear that he didn’t care a single bit for her. She most certainly should not go to his wedding.

“When’s the wedding?” she heard herself asking.

“July ninth. It’s a Saturday, but you should come the week before. I’ll try to get out of work, and we can hang out. The weather here is so much better than the muggy humidity in Nashville. You’ll love it,” Sydney gushed.

Spencer berated herself for it, even as she spoke the words. “I guess I’ll see you in a couple weeks then, sweetie.”

After a few more minutes, she hung up, promising Sydney that she’d let her know the exact details of her arrival once she’d gotten her plane tickets. She couldn’t believe that she was actually going to Nick Carter’s wedding, but it was too late to back out now. Sydney would be so upset. So, she was headed for Tampa in two and a half weeks’ time.

It would be nice to have a break from work for a week, she admitted, but a vacation would have been to lay on a beach in the Caribbean and sip fruity drinks. Not go to the wedding of the man she still pathetically loved.

Sighing a little at her own idiocy, Spencer pulled open the bottom drawer of her desk and rooted around a bit before she found what she was looking for.

For a long time, she sat and stared at the picture of Nick and herself at Christmas dinner where they’d announced to everyone that they were getting married and were expecting a baby. They’d been so young, so sure of themselves and the future, and certain that they could overcome whatever problems they might have.

“What fools we were.”
Chapter Four: Once Again by starbeamz2
Author's Notes:
Hey guys! Thanks for reading, and, with this chapter, the ball gets rolling on this story! I hope you enjoy, and let me know what you think!
Nick was nervous. No, nervous was not the word to describe how he felt, he decided as he paced his bedroom. He was freaking out, the furthest thing from calm and collected. He’d never been this nervous before in his life, not even before the very first concert he’d ever performed at in the very beginning of his career. What he felt now made the anxieties from his younger years seem like a walk in the park.

He was a week away from his wedding.

It wasn’t that he didn’t want to get married because, after all, proposing to Cara had been his idea. What had him shaking in his shoes was the idea of marriage. He’d been okay about it from the start, but, as the big day crept ever so closer, he was getting more and more worried and nervous.

What if he made a bad husband? What if finally moving in together totally changed the dynamic in his relationship with Cara? What if he screwed everything up, and she hated him?

What if, what if, what if! Nick nearly kicked the side of his dresser in frustration. He knew what he was doing. He was overanalyzing the whole thing to pieces. What he really needed to do was call Cara up and have her calm him down. Something about her voice always made him feel better.

When he walked down the stairs, he found Sydney by the door, digging through her purse and muttering to herself. “Hey, kid. What’s up?”

She barely glanced up. “I can’t find my keys! I need to get to the airport because the flight lands in twenty minutes, but I can’t remember where I left my keys.” She rummaged some more before she tossed her purse aside and hurried into the kitchen. “You haven’t seen them, have you?” she called from the kitchen.

Nick shook his head as he picked up the set of keys from the table by the front door. His daughter was as good as he was at keeping track of keys. Which wasn’t that great at all. “Sydney! Found them!” When she ran back in, he waved them. “They were right here, on the table. Funny how they turn up in the weirdest places, huh?”

“Ha ha, Dad. Anyway, thanks for finding them. I gotta go!”

He suppressed the smile that tickled his lips at her last words. She was such a Backstreet baby. “So, am I ever going to find out who your guest is?”

“Dad, I really don’t have time for this.” Sydney grabbed her purse and opened the front door. “You’ll see soon enough.”

“I guess I will, seeing how I’m letting your guest stay in our house for the next week.” He wrinkled his nose. “It’s not some random guy, is it? Is it your boyfriend?”

She rolled her eyes. “Dad! I told you I didn’t have a boyfriend. All I can say is, it’s my best friend in the whole world.” She slipped out the door. “See you later!”

When the door shut behind Sydney, Nick shrugged and turned to find his phone to call Cara. He didn’t care who it was that Sydney had invited. After all, his daughter had pretty good taste in people, and he knew she wouldn’t pick anyone that he’d have to worry over.

It probably wasn’t a boy, he decided before he called Cara.

***

Skimming her eyes over the awaiting cars, Spencer spotted the flashy convertible that Nick had bought Sydney as a graduation present. Gripping her suitcase in one hand, she took a deep breath and started out of the terminal. When Sydney spotted her, she waved a hand, and Spencer waved back with a smile. No matter what happened, she reminded herself for the billionth time, she was thankful that she would get to spend much-needed quality time with her daughter. That was what she would focus on.

“I’m so glad you came, Mom!” Sydney hugged Spencer before picking up her suitcase and stowing it in her trunk. “Think the DA’s office will survive with you gone for a week?”

Spencer settled into the car and tipped her sunglasses onto her nose. “Very funny. I think they’ll hobble along. Besides, it’s not like I run the show. It might be my office, but it’s definitely Donna’s domain,” she added, referring to her stalwart and commanding secretary.

“Too true. So, how was the flight?” Sydney steered her tiny car onto the highway before letting it rip.

Spencer decided to bite her tongue to keep from yelling out for her daughter to slow down. “Uh, it was fine. I think you might actually be driving as fast as the plane was flying.”

Sydney shot her a grin then began to babble away about something or other, and Spencer just listened to how happy her daughter sounded. It appeared as though Tampa had done good things for Sydney. Her internship, the beautiful weather, the beach, and her father—Sydney’s favorite things, Spencer thought. Though it was slightly disappointing that her child had never taken to Nashville as well as Spencer had hoped she would, she was still glad that Sydney was happy—no matter where, or with who, she was happy.

Letting the sun warm her face, Spencer zoned out for a little while. She simply did not want to think of the eventual meeting she would have with Nick. Of course, they probably wouldn’t see each other until his wedding, but the eventuality was nerve-wracking. She hadn’t seen the man in three years, and she’d nearly convinced herself she was over him. And it was about time, too. She was a grown woman, she was about to see forty-seven in four months, and she couldn’t stay hung up on one man her entire life.

So, she decided, when she did meet Nick, she would be absolutely civil. Even if he said something to rile her up, which he so often did, she would just be the bigger person and not strike back.

Yup, that was exactly what she was going to do. Good thing she had nearly a week to practice on doing it.

***

“Mom.” Sydney nudged Spencer’s arm as she made the turn into Nick’s neighborhood. Spencer had dozed off fifteen minutes earlier, but it was time for her to wake up. “Mom, we’re almost home. Wake up.”

Spencer’s eyelids fluttered then opened. A bit groggily, she looked out the window. They were in a neighborhood, which was certainly nowhere near the hotel she’d imagined. “Honey, where are we-” And then it hit her. Her heart bounded into her throat, and she sat up. “Sydney, please tell me we’re not going where I think we are going.”

“Mom, why are you freaking out?” Sydney frowned, playing her rehearsed part.

“Freaking out? I am not freaking out. Your father will freak out way worse than I am right now.” Spencer’s hands clenched together in her lap. “There is no hotel room, is there?”

Sydney hesitated then shook her head. She’d never heard her mother sound so scared. “No. Dad said my guest had to stay at his place because it was just going to be the two of us all next week. I thought it would be okay.” Which was a lie, but she wasn’t above a little white lie to get her way.

“Oh, Sydney.” Spencer rubbed her hands over her face wearily.

“Don’t worry, Mom. It’ll be fine. I told you, you probably won’t see Dad that much anyway.” Sydney smiled encouragingly as she turned onto Nick’s driveway. “You’ve got nothing to worry about.”

Yeah, right. Spencer knew that if that were true, pigs would be flying by now. She and Nick were like oil and water—they didn’t mix well. “Nick doesn’t know, does he?” When Sydney said nothing but simply turned the car off, Spencer tried not to scream. “Honey, you don’t know what you’ve done, do you?”

Sydney shrugged. “Look, Mom. I wanted you here so I could see you. You and Dad have had over twenty years to deal with whatever it is you’re always so mad at each other about. I think both of you can be adult enough to behave. If you can’t, then we’ll find you a hotel in the city.” She gave Spencer a small smile. “I just thought it’d be nice. I’m sorry if you’re upset.”

Spencer sighed. “It’s okay. I guess we’ll just have to see how your father reacts to this.”

By the time she’d pushed herself out of the car and followed Sydney up the front steps to the door, Spencer was a wreck. Nick was going to be furious.

“Mom, stop worrying.” Sydney slid her arm around her mother’s shoulders. “Everything will be fine. You’ll see.”

Spencer just nodded and took a deep breath as Sydney pushed open the door. When she stepped into Nick’s house for the first time in nearly twenty years, she had to smile. So much of it was still the same. The same painting still hung on the wall across from the front door. The same credenza was pushed against the side wall. From where she stood, she could see that the parlor rug was the same, even though the sofas and tables were different. She’d bought that rug for him, she remembered. It was nice to know he’d kept something of hers.

“Sydney, is that you?” Nick’s voice carried out from the kitchen.

Sydney grabbed Spencer’s hand and pulled her down the hall. “Yeah, it’s me.”

“Well, come on back. I managed not to burn lunch today, and it might be edible.” Nick arranged the paninis he’d cooked on a plate. He could hear footsteps coming down the hallway as he turned to rummage in the fridge for something to drink. “I made your favorite kind of sandwich. What do you want to…”

His voice trailed off as he shut the refrigerator door and saw Sydney standing by the island in the center of the kitchen. Next to her was the one person he’d never expected to see.

“Spencer.”

Her head inclined ever so slightly. “Hello, Nick.”

***

February 2007
Nashville, Tennessee


Nick fiddled with his cell phone as he sat in the plush comfort of the law firm of Lassiter, Tidwell, and Hildebrand. It was fifteen minutes past the appointment time, and he frowned. It was rare for Jordan Keller to be late. “Do you think he forgot about us?”

Brian glanced over from where he was flipping aimlessly through a magazine. “This is Jordan, remember? He’d have to be dealing with an emergency before he was late for anything. He probably got held up on something.”

“So, what? We just sit here and twiddle our thumbs? Maybe I’ve got better things to do.” Nick snapped his phone shut and slid it into his pocket. “Maybe I want to go explore the city.”

Brian shrugged. “We’ve both got better things we’d rather be doing. I wanted to stop by the studio and see how AJ and Howie did today.”

Nick leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “Keller better hurry up.” Brian didn’t respond, but Nick knew he was thinking the same thing. His foot was tapping impatiently, something Brian did without thinking whenever he was in a hurry.

At the clicking of heels on the marble tiles, both men glanced up. A young woman in a tidy green suit stepped into the waiting area and offered them an apologetic smile. “Mr. Littrell, Mr. Carter. Mr. Keller sent me to tell you he’s very sorry, but he’s dealing with a sticky situation with another client at the moment. He asked that you wait a half hour, tops. In the meantime, can I get you anything? Coffee, juice?”

Her voice had the distinct sound of Nashville layering over the warmth in it, and Nick couldn’t help but let his eyes drift over her. He nearly drooled over her legs before he mentally slapped himself. Since when had he lusted after women like this one? Since never, he decided. There wasn’t anything wrong with trying a new flavor, was there?

Brian shook his head. “No, but thanks for letting us know about Jordan, Ms…”

“Wilde,” she answered with a smile. “Spencer Wilde. It’s not a problem. It’s my job.” Spencer turned to Nick, her gray eyes twinkling with humor. She knew exactly what he was thinking. “Can I get you anything?”

Nick shrugged, shifting his eyes away from her. He shouldn’t be ogling women in business suits anyway, especially when they were sharp enough to know what was on his mind. What was wrong with him? “Coffee sounds good.”

“Great. I’ll be right back then.”

But, even as she turned to go, Nick sprang up and followed her. “I’ll come with you. I’m tired of sitting here and waiting. Walking would be nice.”

Spencer was clearly not fooled as she merely arched an eyebrow before shrugging. “Of course.”

As he followed her out, Nick glanced over his shoulder at Brian. Brian rolled his eyes and sighed. Nick had a one-track mind, but at least he was consistent. No matter how frustrating that was at times.

Nick matched his steps to Spencer’s as they walked down the hallway. On either side of the hall there were offices from which the sounds of voices, the tapping of computer keys, and the ringing of telephones could be heard.

“Busy place,” he commented.

Spencer nodded. “It’s a prestigious law firm. We handle all sorts of clients here.”

“You a lawyer?”

They reached the elevator, and she pressed the down button before looking up at him. “Almost. I graduate from law school in May, but, in the meantime, I’m an intern here.”

“Cool. So…” He cast his mind around to come up with something to talk about. He couldn’t believe he was actually tongue-tied at this point. This never happened to him. Then again, he never hit on women during business hours either. “What do you do as an intern?”

The elevator doors opened, and they both stepped on. “Lots of things. I help out with paperwork for different cases, do filing, photocopying, and so on.”

“Sounds like a secretary.”

“No, more like an assistant.” Her voice had chilled several degrees. Obviously, he’d hit on a sore point for her.

Nick scrambled to find something to make the conversation a little better. “Uh, so you live in Nashville?”

“Born and raised. Have you been here often?” The elevator doors opened on the first floor, and Spencer steered them towards the coffee shop in the lobby.

“Not really. We recorded a song or two here a couple years ago, but, this time, we’re really focusing on doing most of it here.” He stood next to her in the short line at the counter. “It’s a nice city.”

Spencer smiled a little, and Nick sighed, slightly relieved. They were back on stable ground. “It’s a pretty great city. Of course, it’s no Los Angeles.”

“Eh. LA’s overrated. Besides, I live in Tampa. That’s my real home.”

“Really? And here I thought all celebrities lived in New York or LA,” she commented, the humor in her eyes giving away the fact that she was joking.

Without thinking, he reached out and tugged playfully on her dark red curls. “Well, you’ve got a real narrow mind about celebrities. Guess I’ll have to change your mind.”

“Oh, really?” Spencer moved his hand away from her hair. “Try me.”

Before he could respond, it was their turn at the register. When Spencer opened her mouth to speak, Nick cut her off and talked to the clerk directly. “I’ll just have a regular coffee, black. And, I’m paying since I’m here,” he told Spencer.

She looked like she wanted to say something but thought better of it and just shrugged. “Have it your way.”

“McDonald’s.” Nick grinned.

Spencer rolled her eyes. “Sure. Whatever you want.”

When he’d paid for his coffee, they headed back to wait for the elevator. “So,” he began, “I haven’t really spent much time in Nashville, and I was thinking about exploring the city tonight. I mean, the guys and me, we’re going to be here for the next few weeks, so I might as well get to know the place, right?”

“I guess.” Her foot tapped impatiently, obviously in a hurry now.

“Right.” Nick ran a hand over his hair, trying to find the right way to do what he was trying to do. “So, you grew up here, and that would mean you probably know all the good places to go, right?”

Now, she turned those big gray eyes on him, and he could see the wariness on her face. “Yes, so?”

“So, I was thinking, if you weren’t busy tonight or even tomorrow night, maybe you could show me around, since you know Nashville better than I do?”

She blinked. “Why, Nick Carter, it sounds like you’re hitting on me.”

He cracked a smile. “Maybe I am. What are you going to do about it?”

They stepped on the elevator, and Spencer didn’t say anything as other people piled into the elevator with them. However, by the time the elevator moved between the fourth floor and towards the fifth where they were going, there was no one else on board.

“So, Spencer Wilde, go out with me tonight?” Nick tried again.

She was quiet for a moment before she turned to pin him with one long stare. Finally, she shrugged. “Well, it’s not what I usually do, but okay. Sure. It couldn’t be too bad, could it?” But she smiled as she said it, and Nick’s insides did a happy dance. Finally, this trip was starting to look more interesting.
Chapter Five: Give A Little Bit by starbeamz2
She looked the same, Nick thought. She looked exactly the same as she had all those years ago when he’d first met her. True, he’d seen her over the years, but, in twenty years, she hadn’t changed a bit. Maybe there were tiny wrinkles at the corners of her eyes, and she wore glasses all the time now. But Spencer Wilde was still as perfect as always.

And probably just as much of a bitch, Nick reminded himself before his eyes could wander to her always-stellar legs. He’d never come across a pair of legs he’d ever adored more, but he clearly remembered the frigid woman those legs belonged to.

“Well, this is…a surprise,” he said after several moments had passed. “Definitely unexpected.”

“I was just as surprised as you,” Spencer told him. “If I had known I would be staying in this house, I would never have agreed to come.”

“And if I’d known you were coming, I would’ve stopped Sydney from inviting you at all,” Nick replied, his voice conveying his growing anger. His gaze shifted to pin his daughter. “What the hell were you thinking?”

Sydney didn’t flinch at the anger emanating from her father and met his furious blue eyes with her own. “I was thinking that I missed my mom, and I could get to see her this way. Besides, she needed a vacation.”

“A vacation?!” Both Spencer and Nick exploded at the same time.

“This is certainly not a vacation for me, Sydney!” Spencer fought to keep her voice from rising. The last thing she wanted was to sound like a hysterical shrew in front of Nick. “I thought I’d be staying in a hotel and would only see your father for a few moments at the wedding. That’s it. I expected to spend the rest of the time on the beach.”

Sydney smiled innocently. “Mom, the beach is in Dad’s backyard, you know. Besides, now you’ll get to be part of all the wedding prep. Won’t that be fun?”

“Fun?” It was Nick’s turn now. “I don’t think fun is the word I’d use to describe how completely awkward this whole situation is. How do you think Cara’s going to feel when she finds out that your mother, the only other woman I ever proposed to, is staying in my home the week before our wedding? Sydney, did you think of all the consequences at all?”

Spencer let herself remember, for just a moment, the moment Nick had proposed to her nearly twenty-two years ago. Then, she brought herself back to the present. The very real and very ugly present. “Sydney, I know you think you meant well, but this was the worst idea you could’ve ever had.”

“You can say that again,” Nick muttered.

“You know that your father and I do not get along at all. Give it a few minutes, and we’ll be ready to murder each other.” Spencer ignored Nick’s snort. “Seriously, Sydney, I love you, but this is just ridiculous.”

Sydney crossed her arms over her chest and frowned. “You two are such babies. Honestly.”

“Excuse me?” Nick’s brows lifted. “We aren’t telling you anything you don’t already know. Name a single time in the past that your mother and I got along without arguing.”

Sydney shrugged. “Obviously, you had to have had sex in order to have me, so you got along then, didn’t you?”

Nick’s mind flashed backwards to the sensation of making love with Spencer. It had been…unique and beautiful. And it was definitely over, he reminded himself. “Look, Sydney, that was a long, long time ago.”

“Plenty of people have sex and have to face the consequences. We did,” Spencer said quietly. “And neither me or your father appreciate being thrown back together again.”

“So, what? I was conceived during a random hook up?” Sydney couldn’t help but pry. Her parents never talked about the past, about anything. All she knew was that they’d once been engaged but had called it off halfway through the pregnancy. She couldn’t believe that there had never been anything between them.

Nick took a deep breath and tried to find the right words that would soothe the uncertainty in Sydney’s eyes. “No, it was not a random hook up. Don’t ever think that. You were and have always been the one thing your mother and I loved together.”

“You were conceived in love,” Spencer added softly. “Sydney, as trite and clichéd as that sounds, it’s the truth. Whatever else that may have happened all those years ago doesn’t change the truth of that moment.”

Nick found himself watching Spencer as she spoke, and, though he told himself he was imagining it, he saw the wistful expression in her eyes. Suddenly, he wanted to know what she was thinking. He scowled at himself at the thought. “As much as we love you, Syd, this is wrong. You should’ve told me that you were inviting your mother as your guest.”

“You told me I could invite anyone, so why would it matter who that someone was?” Sydney asked, disappointed that her parents had stopped talking about the past.

“Because I don’t want to spend the week before my wedding tense and angry!” Nick was slowly turning red. He turned on Spencer. “And what the hell were you thinking taking her up on that offer?! Oh, wait, you probably thought you’d try to ruin my happy moment, right?”

“Oh, gee, Nickolas, that’s just great. I can’t tell you how flattered I am at how mature you think I am,” Spencer shot back sarcastically. “Obviously, I have nothing more important in my life than to find ways to cause you pain.”

Nick told himself to take a deep breath and count to ten, but Spencer always caused his rationality to fly out the window. “I wouldn’t put it past you. You always were a major bitch.”

“Shut up! Both of you!” Sydney stood between them, hands on hips, and glared at them both. “Maybe I was wrong. Obviously, I thought the two of you were adults, that you could deal with each other like normal human beings. It’s crystal clear to me that I was wrong.”

“Sydney,” Spencer began but was cut off.

“Don’t even try to make excuses, Mom! I thought you of all people would act calmly and behave yourself. I can’t even imagine what the people in Nashville would say if they saw you like this!” Sydney shook her head. “This is ridiculous!”

Nick shrugged. “Your mother always was crazy. I’m surprised all of Nashville doesn’t know that their District Attorney is a psychotic bitch.”

Sydney turned on him. “Don’t even get me started on you! Maybe I brought Mom to your house, and maybe I was wrong. But that doesn’t mean that you couldn’t act gracious and adult. Jeez, Dad, the least you could’ve done was treat your guest, no matter what you think of her, with politeness. But, nooo, you just fly off the handle and start calling names. My mother is not a bitch, she is a great woman. And Mom,” she looked over at Spencer, “Dad may sometimes act like a jerk, especially around you, but he’s usually a good guy. Honestly, the two of you are enough to make a kid want to drink.”

“Honey-”

“I know, I’m not going to go running to the nearest bar, but I do wish you guys would grow the hell up!”

Nick frowned. “Don’t curse, young lady.”

“Oh, please. Like you didn’t just spend the last half hour calling Mom a bitch. Give it a rest, the two of you. Dad, you’re getting married next week, and this is supposed to be a happy time for you and Cara. I didn’t think Mom was going to disrupt that at all because she’s usually really well-mannered.” Sydney shot a look at her mother. “It’s obvious that the two of you bring out the worst in each other. I just wish, for once, that my parents could act like my parents, not argue all the damn time, and behave like adults. I can see that wishing for that is way too much to ask.”

She glared at them both for a long moment, and then, she turned and left the kitchen. Moments later, they heard a door slam on the second floor.

For the first time since the day Spencer had given birth to their daughter, she and Nick were actually alone.

Neither of them said a word for several long moments. Neither of them knew what to say, what could be said. Nick used that time to cool his hotheaded temper, knowing that it would be a bad idea to get angry at Spencer with no buffer between them. Spencer just stared at the floor. She was already calm, but she was also nervous.

Finally, Nick cleared his throat. “Wow, I suddenly feel like I’ve flashed back to when she was thirteen.”

Spencer looked up and met his eyes. There was a hint of a smile on his face. “Yeah. I have to admit, I expected her to yell ‘I hate you, Mom and Dad’ before she left.”

“Oh, yeah. A classic. I can’t remember how many times I said that to my parents.” Nick rubbed a hand over the tension headache brewing at the base of skull.

She remembered the arguments with his parents and how the Carters never could get along. “Oh, Nick. Sydney isn’t you, and we are definitely not your parents.”

“Aren’t we?” He turned his head to meet her eyes. “Spence, my parents hated each other, and I swore I’d never repeat that. Now, here I am, almost fifty, and I can so easily get angry at the mother of my child. Tell me, how isn’t that the same as my parents?”

She was stunned to hear the nickname he’d once used to call her. When was the last time she’d heard him call her “Spence”? Twenty-one years ago, she thought ruefully. “Okay, maybe we’re not all that different. But, on the bright side, I haven’t tried to kill you or gotten arrested numerous times.”

“That’s just because you’re you. You’re too, well, good to do any of that.” Nick sneered at the idea of Spencer getting behind the wheel of a car, drunk.

“You say it like it’s a bad thing,” she replied, not letting her temper rise.

He shrugged. “It’s not. I guess I should be glad that you’re a much better influence than my mother was, and that Sydney will never have to wonder if you love her. You do love her, and I know that’s the only reason you came here. As angry as I might be at the whole situation, I know you didn’t do it to cause trouble.”

“Are you actually apologizing to me?” She couldn’t believe it.

“Take it or leave it because it’s not gonna be offered again,” he shot back.

Spencer stared at him for a long moment. Here he was, nearly fifty years old with gray streaks running through his thick blond hair, and slight wrinkles around his eyes. But he still sounded like he was twenty-eight. “I guess I’ll take it,” she said finally. “And I’ll apologize, too. If you want, I can find another place to stay, and you won’t have to worry about your fiancée finding out or anything.”

Nick shook his head. “Nah. If I kicked you out, Sydney would murder me in my sleep. After all, she’s our daughter.”

Spencer found herself grinning. “I can’t deny that.”

“Of course, you’d probably be sneakier about it, but yeah.” Nick grinned, too.

When they realized they were standing, just feet apart, and actually smiling at each other, they were both surprised. The smiles vanished instantly, and Spencer cleared her throat.

“Uh, I guess I should go talk to Sydney, and then figure out which bedroom is mine.”

“I can show you, and, uh, you can go first on the apologizing to Sydney part.” Nick picked up Spencer’s single piece of luggage. “Is this all you brought?”

She nodded and followed him down the hallway. “Yeah. Why?”

“No reason. It’s a nice change to meet a woman who doesn’t haul around an entire wardrobe for a trip.” Nick remembered that she had never taken more than the absolutely necessary things when she went on a trip. “I guess you haven’t changed, huh?”

Spencer stopped at the top of the stairs, surprised. “Of course, I’ve changed.”

“Not about your practicality,” he replied simply and gestured to the single bag he held. “Seriously, any other woman would have brought three suitcases, but you never did do that.”

“More things to carry. I’m lazy like that.”

He snorted in disbelief. “Puh-lease. The last thing you are is lazy.” He came to a halt outside of one of the bedrooms. “So, this is yours.”

Spencer followed him in and knew immediately that Nick had decorated the room. “It’s changed.”

“Yeah.” He had finally tossed out the furniture Spencer had decorated the room with when they had moved in together for two short months. “The old stuff was going bad, so I had to get new furniture.” He shrugged. “Anyway, it’s yours for the next week. Syd’s room is two doors down, across the hall. Good luck with her.”

When he moved to the door, Spencer called to him. “Nick.” She waited until he turned to look at her. “I’ll stay out of your way as much as possible. Thanks for letting me stay.”

He just nodded and left, walking quickly down the hall, down the stairs, and out the back door towards the beach. He needed to get away from Spencer and everything he felt whenever he was around her. For twenty-one years, he’d avoided being too close to her because he could easily remember everything that had happened between them. She had been the first woman he had really imagined spending the rest of his life with, and he knew that there were still remnants of those feelings he’d had for her somewhere inside him. Mixed with the anger and annoyance, there was still a part of his heart that clearly remembered what they had meant to each other.

But, he was getting married in a week, and he couldn’t afford to let those old feelings strengthen again. Spencer was his past—distant past—and Cara was his future. His forever. It would be smart if he remembered that and kept his distance from Spencer.

Letting the waves lap over his feet, he closed his eyes and tried to think of nothing but Cara and their life together. And, if the errant thought of Spencer snuck in every so often, he fought it off.

Over and done. All that is SO over and done.
Chapter Six: You and I Both by starbeamz2
Sydney wanted to scream.  Her parents were acting like such children with all their name-calling and accusing.  They were nearly fifty years old, and the two of them still acted like they were ten.  She just wanted to knock their heads together and see how they liked that.  Maybe it would knock some sense into them.

Her plan wasn’t going exactly the way she’d expected it to go.  She had hoped that, by putting the two of them in the same house for a week, they would be forced to talk, instead of shout.  Her hopes were that, if they started talking to each other, maybe, just maybe, they could find that spark that had once flared between them.  And then, of course, they’d fall in love again and end up getting married.

It wasn’t that she didn’t like Cara.  She did.  But she loved her mother, and she truly believed her parents belonged together.  When Spencer had talked about conceiving Sydney in love, it had given Sydney hope.

But, after spending two days together, her parents were nowhere close to even spending time in the same room.  If Spencer was in the house, Nick was out somewhere, usually with Cara.  If Nick was in the house, Spencer escaped to the beach for sunbathing and relaxation, as she told Sydney.  The only time they were ever in the house at the same time was when they were sleeping.

“Something has to be done,” Sydney declared as she paced her room.  She glanced over her shoulder to where Mason lounged on her bed.  The guy looked like a GQ cover model, she thought, amused.  If she told him he looked pretty terrific, he’d turn ten different shades of red.  Adorable.  “So, Mason, any suggestions?”

Mason shrugged and flipped, bored, through an old issue of Cosmo Girl.  “Do girls really think that these stupid quizzes can tell them who they’re going to marry or what a guy is really thinking?” he wondered.

Sydney sighed, frustrated, and clapped her hands in front of his face.  “Hello! Earth to Mason! I am having an emergency here!”

He tried not to roll his eyes.  Sydney had an emergency every hour, and he was too used to them by now to care.  “I know, I heard.  Uncle Nick and Aunt Spencer aren’t spending any time around each other, which means that they’ll never fall in love and give you the family you’ve always dreamed of having.  I’ve heard this a billion times, Syd.”

“No, Mason. They’re already in love, but they just don’t know it.  I just have to give them a little push.” She sighed and twirled her hair on her finger as she thought.  “It’s already Sunday, and I only have until Saturday, the day of the wedding, to get them together again.  The thing is, every time Mom’s at home, Dad’s out the door in a flash.  And vice versa.”

“So, you have to strand them together somehow,” Mason suggested.

She thought for a moment, and then her eyes widened.  “Mason!” She threw her arms around his neck.  “You’re a genius!”

He blushed a little.  It felt nice, he decided, to hold her like this.  And then he froze.  This was Sydney, he told himself.  He couldn’t go around having thoughts about her like that.  He cleared his throat nervously.  “So, um, do you have something in mind?”

Her nose wrinkled as she pondered for a moment.  “Yes!” She smiled widely.  “You’re taking me out for dinner and a movie.”

Great, Mason thought.  Sydney’s idea, and he was going to have to pay for it.  “Sure, why not?”

***

Spencer dusted the sand off her feet before she opened the back door.  The last thing she needed was for Nick to get annoyed at the sand she’d tracked into his home.  Then, she thought again and decided Nick probably wouldn’t even notice that there was sand in the house.  It was amazing how clean his house was, but she figured Sydney may have had a hand in that.  She doubted Nick Carter had learned to clean up after himself in the last twenty years.

As she passed his kitchen, she stopped in the doorway and gazed longingly at all the pretty, top of the line appliances he had.  She wondered if he’d learned to cook but figured that he’d bought them for whenever Cara came over and cooked.  Cooking was Spencer’s hobby, except that she was obsessive about it.  She loved experimenting and adding a new twist to old recipes.  Closing her eyes, she imagined her all-time favorite linguine with red sauce with just a…mmm…hint of lemon.  

“What are you doing?”

Her daydream was broken by Nick’s voice.  She opened her eyes and found herself looking into his bright blue eyes.  For a second—just a second—the sight took her breath away.  She looked away quickly to rid herself of the feeling.  “N-nothing.  Just thinking.”

Nick frowned.  For just a moment, he could’ve sworn he saw something in her eyes and felt it within him, too.  He shook it off as momentary insanity on his part and, folding his arms, he continued to frown down at her.  “So why are you staring at my kitchen like you’re lusting after it?”

“Because I am.” She smiled a little.  “If you tell me, right now, that all those fabulous appliances in there are for you to cook with, I will drop dead from surprise.”

“Uhhh…They’re not mine.  They’re actually for whenever Cara comes over.  She likes to cook.” He shrugged.  “Instead of having her haul over all her stuff, I just got new stuff for her.”

“Wow.” Spencer nodded, approvingly.  “That’s very sweet of you.”

Nick shrugged.  “I love her.  I wanted to make her happy.”

Yeah, you used to want my happiness, too, Spencer thought bitterly, but, outwardly, she smiled.  “Well, Cara is a very lucky woman.  When do I get to meet her?”

“Tomorrow night.  We’re having a barbecue out on the beach,” he told her.  “Kevin, Howie, and their families, AJ and Libby, and Brian and Baylee are coming over.  Kind of a celebratory deal.”

“That’s nice.  Where’s Leighanne?” Spencer noticed he hadn’t mentioned his least favorite of his bandmates’ wives.

Nick’s expression turned somber.  “She, uh, she died last year.  I thought you knew.”

“What?!” This was huge news for Spencer as she’d always enjoyed spending time with Leighanne.  “How? Why? Why was I never told?”

He sighed.  “They found an inoperable tumor in her brain a couple years ago.  She and Brian lived with it for two years before she passed away.  It was pretty hard for Brian, but he’s slowly starting to bounce back.”

“Oh, my.  Wow.” Spencer rubbed her hands over her face, still not able to believe it.  “Leighanne? Brain tumor? God, I just can’t believe…”

“Yeah, well…” He trailed off, and they both heard Sydney’s footsteps on the stairs before she bounced into the kitchen.

“Hey, Mom! Hi Dad!” She beamed at them.  “How’s it going?”

“Uh, it’s going okay.” Spencer sighed a little at the thought of Leighanne.  “You look really excited.”

Sydney nodded excitedly.  “I am! Mason and I are going out for dinner and a movie tonight.”

“Mason?” Nick frowned.  “This isn’t a date, is it?”

Sydney shrugged.  “I don’t know, but, hey, he’s paying.  So why not, right?”

Spencer rolled her eyes.  “Don’t hose your friend, Syd.  It’s not nice.”

“But he offered.”

Nick held up a hand before Spencer could reply.  “He’s your friend, so you gotta be fair to him, okay? Pay for the movie tickets.”

“But Dad-” But one look from Nick stopped her.  Sydney shrugged.  “Okay, fine.  So, what are the two of you doing tonight?”

Nick and Spencer exchanged glances before Spencer spoke.  “Well, I was about to ask your father if I could use his kitchen tonight.”

“Really?” Nick lifted a brow.  “Why?”

“Why else? To cook, of course.” Spencer remembered her daydream.  “I was going to make the Spencer Wilde special actually.” She glanced over at Sydney.  “I was going to make it for the two of us, but, if you’re going out, there’s really no point in me spending so much time making it.  I’ll just order something and watch a movie, I guess.”

A light bulb went off in Sydney’s brain.  “Aww, don’t do that, Mom.  You should make it anyway for you and…” She looked over at Nick speculatively.  “Dad, do you have plans for tonight?”

“Well, uh, actually-”

“Great! Mom, you can make it for you and Dad! Dad, the Spencer Wilde special is so, so good! I bet you’ve never had any pasta like it,” Sydney gushed.

“As a matter of fact, I have,” Nick told her and looked over his daughter’s head to where Spencer stood.  “Linguine in red sauce? The lemony one?” The memory was crystal clear in his head.

Spencer’s eyes widened in surprise.  “You remember that?”

He shrugged.  “Syd’s right.  It’s one of the best I’ve ever had.”

Sydney looked from one parent to the other as a smile slowly formed on her face.  “So, we’re set then.  Enjoy your night in, and save some for me.  I gotta go get ready because Mason will be here soon!” And, with that, she skipped off.

Nick watched her go.  “I feel like I’ve just been very skillfully maneuvered,” he muttered.

“Tell me about it.” Spencer looked around the kitchen again.  “I guess I should go shopping for ingredients.”

“Listen, Spence, you don’t have to do this,” Nick began, but she shook her head.

“It’s okay.  It’s been a while since I’ve cooked for anyone but me.” She picked up her towel and started out of the room.  “Meet me here at seven.”

He ran his fingers through his hair wearily.  Mother and daughter were equally talented at the maneuvering.  “Sure.  See ya.”

***

At six forty-five that evening, Nick sniffed the air and nearly drooled.  It may have been over two decades since he’d smelled Spencer’s amazing pasta special, but he’d never forgotten the scent of it and how incredibly good it was.  His stomach growled, and he decided he wasn’t going to get anything productive done in the next fifteen minutes.

Shutting down his editing system, he left his studio and made his way towards the kitchen.  Just inside the doorway, he stopped and studied the scene.  There was Spencer, an apron tied tidily around her waist, stirring a spoon in a pan.  He wasn’t sure if she’d heard him come in or not, but she turned to look at him and smiled.  And, suddenly, Nick was tossed back in time.

***

April 2007
Nashville, Tennessee


Nick was a little nervous, and his grip on the flowers he held was slightly sweaty.  It was the first time Spencer had invited him over to her apartment for dinner, and he wondered if this meant he was about to get lucky.  In their two-month relationship, he’d learned that she was far more conservative than he, and the idea of immediately jumping into a sexual relationship was offensive to her.  With any other woman, Nick knew he would’ve shrugged and walked out.  With Spencer, though, something made him want to try harder and wait longer.  Who knew? Maybe she was right in wanting to wait.

When she opened the door, he smiled foolishly and leaned in to kiss her.  “Hey.”

“Nick! You’re right on time.” She smiled back at him before her gaze shifted to the flowers he gripped in his hand.  “Oh, you’re so sweet.  You brought me flowers!”

He looked down at the blooms in his hand then over at her.  “Oh? Did you want some, too?”

“Oh, shut it.” She tugged him down for another kiss before slipping the bouquet out of his hand.  “I’ll go put these in water.”

Nick followed her in and was immediately hit with the fragrant scents floating through her home.  “Wow, what is that smell? It’s really great!”

“I cooked you my specialty.” She grinned over her shoulder.  “It’s pretty awesome.”

“I bet.” He continued to sniff the air and salivate as he followed her back into her kitchen.  She arranged the flowers in a pretty vase before turning back to stir something in one of the pots and pans on her stove.  He grinned at how cute she looked in her little apron, bending over to taste something on her wooden spoon.  

She smiled when his arms slid around her waist and his lips brushed over her neck.  “If you don’t stop that in the next, oh, ten minutes, your dinner’s going to burn.”

“Ten minutes, huh? Let’s see what I can do.” Nick shifted her to face him before leaning in to kiss her.  She was just too good to pass up, he thought as their lips met.  He’d never before been so glad he’d gone to a tedious appointment at a law firm.  If he hadn’t been there that day in February, he’d never have met her, never have gotten to know the great person that she was.  He wouldn’t know that her favorite color was peach, her favorite time of day was sunrise, and that her favorite movie, Gone With the Wind, made her weep.

When she nearly dropped the spoon she held in her now nerveless fingers, Spencer stepped back.  “Whoa, Nick.  Give me a second.” She took several deep breaths to steady herself before she checked on her simmering sauce.  It was amazing how Nick could make her feel so breathless, so out of control.  If it wasn’t for the fact that she wanted to be more than just another notch on his bedpost, she knew she would’ve slept with him by now, despite all of her moral objections.  She just wanted to be sure.  

“You okay?” he asked, resting his hand lightly on her shoulder.  

She didn’t look at him as she began scooping pasta onto plates.  “Yes and no.” Spencer looked him dead in the eyes. “Nick, I didn’t invite you over, so that I could sleep with you.  I’m sorry if that’s what you were expecting, but I’ve already told you why I want to take our time with that.”

Nick blinked, surprised.  “Spence, I don’t want to pressure you into something you don’t want to do.  I like being with you, so that’s why I’m here.  Trust me?”

How could she not? She passed him the loaded plates.  “Go sit down.  Dinner’s ready.”

“So, this is the Spencer special?” He twirled the first forkful of pasta on his fork when they were seated at her tiny table.  “It smells really good.”

“Tastes good, too.” Spencer smiled.  “It’s my great-grandmother’s recipe.”

“Was she Italian?” Nick chewed then closed his eyes and nearly moaned.  “Wow, wow.  Spencer, this is really good.  You should forget about being a lawyer and just open your own restaurant.”

She grinned.  “Oh, sure.  You can’t run a restaurant on just one dish, you know.”

“I bet you could.” He smiled at her and reached out to hold her hand.  “I’m glad you invited me over.”

“I’m glad you came.  Lucky us that you came on my one free weekend between spring break and graduation.” Spencer’s heart fluttered when he played with her fingers.  “It’s hard not seeing you every weekend.”

Nick nodded.  “I know.  Too bad I can’t fly out here all the time.” He laced their fingers together.  “I want to try, Spencer.  I don’t know why you’re different from everyone else for me, but you are.  You make me want to be better, be more.  I like that feeling.”

Now, her heart rolled over in her chest.  “I like that I can do that for you.”

“Me, too,” he murmured.  “Me, too.”

***

Nick shook off the melancholy he felt, knowing that those precious moments were gone forever and buried under a mountain of angry words and bitter feelings.  Instead, he focused on getting through dinner without arguing with Spencer.

“I know, I’m a little early,” he began, moving over to lean against the island counter.  “I could smell it all the way in my studio, and I couldn’t resist.”

Spencer smiled.  “It’s almost ready, so I hope you’re hungry.” When his stomach growled in response, Nick blushed and she grinned.  “I’ll take that as a yes.  It sounds serious.”

“Feeding my starving stomach is always serious,” he told her.  “So can I help with anything?”

“Nope.” She pulled out plates from a cabinet and set them on the counter before filling them with steaming pasta.  “Everything’s all set.  Maybe if you could just grab something to drink.”

“Okay.” Nick straightened and moved over to the cabinet where glasses were.  As he stepped up to the cabinet, Spencer turned to reach for something, and they collided.  He reached out to steady her before she tripped into her pasta.  His hands rested on her waist as hers gripped his shoulders for balance.  For several long seconds, he couldn’t take his eyes off hers.  Finally, when he realized that he was holding her close, he stepped back.  “Sorry.  I didn’t mean to, uh-”

“Totally my fault,” she said and stepped back as well.  “I just needed the salt.”

Nick grabbed it and handed it to her, careful not to touch her.  “Here.” Snatching two glasses out of the cabinet, he hurried over to the table to be as far away from her as possible.

For several minutes, neither of them said a word.  They sat down to eat, and, even then, all Nick said was, “Thank you,” and Spencer answered with a “You’re welcome”.  It was horribly awkward, and, yet, Nick had felt something when he’d held her, and he could now berate himself for it in his head.  This was what happened when he let himself remember the past beyond the fighting.  She was getting under his skin again, and he couldn’t afford to let her.

“Is something wrong with the pasta?”

“Huh?” Nick snapped to and looked over at her.  “What?”

Spencer gestured to his plate.  “You’re staring at it like you want to hurt something.  Is it that bad?”

He shook his head.  “No, of course not.  The day this is bad is the day pigs fly.  It’s great,” he assured her.  “I was just…thinking.”

“Oh.”

And, then, there was silence again.
Chapter Seven: Just Friends by starbeamz2
Author's Notes:
Hello, hello! Thanks for the reviews! Enjoy the next chapter...
Music was blasting from the speakers, voices were raised in cheerful exuberance, and the smell of cooking meat floated in through the windows.  Spencer sat on the bed in Nick’s guest bedroom and tried to find the strength and courage to go downstairs and meet Nick’s second family and his fiancée.  She hadn’t seen the other Backstreet Boys in years, and, though she’d met Cara three years earlier, she couldn’t quite remember what the woman had been like.  She wondered if Cara was angry that Spencer was staying with Nick.

After all, Spencer admitted, if she had been in Cara’s place, she would’ve clawed the other woman’s eyes out.

“You’re a grown up, Spencer.  You’ve taken on murderers and drug addicts, and you can definitely handle a harmless woman and the Backstreet men.” She took a deep breath and slid off the bed.  “And, here we go.”

Even as she made her way down the stairs, the doorbell rang.  Spencer glanced towards the back of the house and, figuring that everyone else was in the backyard, she went and pulled open the door.

Brian and Baylee Littrell stood on the other side and, for a second, Brian’s expression was stunned.  With a little whoop, he dragged her into his arms and hugged her.  “I can’t believe this! Spencer Wilde, you’re actually here! How the hell have you been?”

Spencer grinned and stepped back to study him.  “I’ve been pretty good.  You, on the other hand, lost your hair.”

Brian patted his bald spot fondly as Baylee chuckled.  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.  Damn, you look great!”

“I try.” She smiled at Baylee.  “And this must be Baylee, all grown up.”

“Spencer, right?” Baylee returned the smile.  “I haven’t seen you since I was nine.  I think it was Sydney’s third birthday party.”

Spencer tried to remember.  “Um. Please tell me that’s not the one where Nick and I-”

“Got into a yelling contest and the cake blew up?” Brian grinned.  “Yup. That’s the one.  I think that’s the last time any of us saw you.”

“Yeah, I guess I just figured it was easier for Sydney to have two stress-free birthday parties rather than that screamfest again.” Spencer shrugged.  “So, Baylee, what are you up to now? I saw you on the cover of People a couple years ago.”

Baylee’s cheeks turned pink at her words.  “Yeah, that was the worst mistake I’ve made.  I’m still trying to live it down.”

Brian chuckled.  “Well, it could’ve been worse.”

“Yeah, if I’d lost all of my clothes, instead of just my pants and shirt.” Baylee waved it off.  “I’m a writer for a show on ABC, actually.  It’s my baby, and being a writer keeps me out of the spotlight, so I like that.”

Spencer smiled.  “Well, I’ll have to start watching your show.” She glanced over her shoulder towards the back of the house.  “I guess I should stop keeping the two of you all to myself, huh?”

Brian slipped an arm around her shoulders.  “Well, let’s go on out and join the party then.  But, while we do that, why don’t you tell me what on earth you’re doing here? You do know Nick’s getting married in, oh, five days?”

She stiffened a little at the mention and knew Brian would see right through her.  Of all of Nick’s friends, Brian had been the one she’d gotten along with the best.  He understood her completely, and she’d always missed him.  “Sydney invited me as her guest.  I just hadn’t realized I’d be staying at Nick’s house, too.”

Brian stopped in mid-step.  “You’re staying here? Like here here? Oh, wow.”

“Hell must have frozen over,” Baylee commented.  “I’m surprised the house is still standing.”

“Yeah, well, we’re giving each other a lot of space,” she replied.  “It’s just another five days. No big deal. Once the wedding’s over, I’m going home, and we’ll all forget I was even here.”

Brian didn’t think things would turn out quite the way she was expecting, but he let her live in denial.  He figured he was still the only person on the planet that knew Spencer was in love with Nick.  Even now, he could see it in her eyes, and she knew that he knew it.  “Oh, Spencer.”

“Don’t say that. Don’t.” She stopped by the back door and turned to him.  “I should be saying ‘Oh, Brian,’ too. Why on earth didn’t you call me when Leighanne died? I found out yesterday! Brian, I’m so sorry.”

Brian’s expression immediately saddened.  “I know. Me, too.  But I had thirty-one of the best years of my life with Leigh, and she’s always going to be in my heart.”

Spencer hugged him before turning doing the same to Baylee.  “I wish I’d known.  I would’ve come to see her, to see all of you.  I really am sorry.”

They didn’t say anything, and Brian pushed open the back door, stepped onto the enormous deck and into the party.  Excited voices were raised in conversation, and Spencer watched as Kevin tossed a football to Howie’s son, Jacob, on the beach, as the two of them and Mason played a game.  At one end of the deck, Leigh, Kristin, Sydney, and AJ’s daughter, Libby, chatted away.  Meanwhile, AJ, Howie, and Nick were gathered around the barbecue grill, inspecting something.

Brian and Baylee headed over to where the other men were, leaving Spencer to stand, awkwardly, by the door.  She had no idea where to go, who to talk to, or who would welcome her.  So, she watched as Nick, AJ, and Howie greeted Brian with hugs and pats on the back.  Over Baylee’s shoulder, Nick caught sight of her and frowned.

“Did you get settled in and all?” he asked Brian, though his eyes were on Spencer.  

“Sure, we did.  Thanks for the rooms, even though we could’ve paid, you know.” Brian grinned.  “It’s not like I’m poor, man.” When Nick didn’t respond, Brian followed his gaze to Spencer.  “Why didn’t you mention Spencer is staying with you this week? Whoa, what a surprise.”

Nick blinked and looked over at where Brian stood with AJ and Howie, who had finally seen Spencer and now gaped at him in shock.  “Uh, yeah.  It was a surprise for me, too.  Syd invited her.” He thought for a second before making up his mind.  “I’ll be right back.”

Turning away from his friends, he skirted around the tables and chairs on the deck and made his way over to where Spencer stood.  “Are your feet glued to that spot or what?” he asked when he stood in front of her.

“No.” She bit her lip nervously.  “No, why?”

“So why haven’t you moved from this spot since you got out here? You know, join the party?”

Spencer shrugged.  “Because I don’t know how well everyone’s going to react to me being here.  I still remember how AJ reamed me out at Sydney’s third birthday party.  I don’t think I should be here.  I should go,” she said over her shoulder as she turned to go back into the house.

Nick grabbed her arm.  “Come on, Spencer.  You’re here, so you might as well stay.  I don’t think anyone’s going to yell at you.  That was years ago.”

“Maybe.  I guess.” She sighed.  “Brian didn’t say anything to me about that, so that’s got to count for something, right?”

He nearly smiled at how nervous she sounded.  “Wow. I can’t believe Ms. Nashville District Attorney is freaking out about a little barbecue and meeting old friends.  I thought you were better than that.”

Instantly, as he’d known it would, his comment made her straighten up.  “Excuse me? I am not ‘freaking out’ about anything.  I can do this.  Watch me.” Shoulders squared, chin up, she stalked away.

When she walked right over to AJ, Brian, and Howie, he had to smile.  She had always been cute when she’d been working through her nerves.  He could see that she hadn’t changed that much.

“What are you smiling about over here in the corner?” Cara stepped out the back door and wrapped her arms around Nick.  “Miss me?”

He grinned down at her and kissed her nose.  “I just saw you this morning.  ‘Course I didn’t miss you.” He yelped when she pinched him.  “You’re so mean.”

“I know.” She smiled mischievously.  “That’s why you love me.”

Spencer glanced over her shoulder just in time to see the two of them kiss, and she felt an instant flare of envy.  She tried to squash it and turned back to see AJ, Howie, and Brian watching her solemnly.  “What?”

“Why don’t you just tell him that you still love him?” Howie asked.  “Maybe you wouldn’t hurt like you obviously are right now.”

“I don’t love him, and I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She folded her arms over her chest.  “Nick is free to kiss whoever he wants.  He always has been.”

AJ sighed.  “Look, I know I once told you that you were the worst thing that ever happened to him, but I was wrong.  Cara’s not bad, but I think you should try to let him know how you feel.”

“Why? So he can laugh in my face?” Spencer shook her head.  “No, thanks.  Besides, like I said, I don’t love him.”

The three men said nothing, but Brian slid his arm around her waist and pulled her close.  She felt slightly better when she rested her head on his shoulder.  “It’s going to be fine, Spencer.  You’ll be better than fine.”

“Thanks, Brian.” She sighed a little, then frowned.  Sniffing the air, she lifted a brow.  “Okay, boys, what’s burning?”

When Howie and AJ yelped and leapt back over to the grill, she and Brian giggled, and she did feel better.

***

After dinner, when the sun had set, Brian and Kevin built a bonfire on the beach, and everyone gathered around it to make s’mores.  Nick burnt his fingers on the first gooey marshmallow mess he made, but Cara leaned over and fed him hers.  When they smiled sappily at each other, Spencer’s eyes met Sydney’s over the fire, and both women rolled their eyes.  Romance was all well and good, Spencer thought, but only when it was you involved.  She’d never been a fan of PDA.

“So Spencer, Sydney told me you’re the District Attorney in Nashville,” Cara said, interrupting Spencer’s thoughts.  “That must be pretty exciting.”

“It is.” Spencer slowly licked marshmallow off her fingers and missed Nick’s expression, though Kevin saw it.  “It’s hard work, but it always feels good when justice is served.”

“It doesn’t always work out that way, though, does it?” Libby, AJ’s daughter, asked.  “I mean, sometimes, the bad guys come out winning, don’t they?”

Spencer nodded.  She’d already heard the story of how Libby’s mother had been robbed at gunpoint then killed, and how, later, her killer had gotten off on an insanity plea.  “Unfortunately, those are the times when I hate my job the most.  But, yeah, it happens more often than it should.”

“Well, you’ve definitely come a long way from that internship you were working when we met you,” Howie commented.  “District Attorney is huge.”

“Definitely.”

“But Mom’s the best,” Sydney declared proudly.  “The newspapers in Nashville love her, and the mayor calls her all the time.”

Spencer waved it off.  “It’s no big deal.  It’s just a job.”

When she noticed Nick rolling his eyes, she tried not to let it hurt.  Their relationship had started going downhill because he just didn’t respect her work or her passion for it, and she’d been devastated by it.  Now, she refused to let it bother her.

“I guess that makes you a celebrity in a way, huh?” Cara smiled a little.  “A while back, Sydney mentioned that you’d gotten an offer to model a new line of clothes for the professional woman or something like that.”

“Oh, jeez.” Spencer’s cheeks burned at the memory.  “That was really awful, and I’m glad I didn’t do it.  Everyone in my office cracked jokes about it for weeks.”

AJ wiggled his brows.  “I wouldn’t have minded seeing you model in…anything.” He grinned.  “You always look great.”

“Dad!” Libby covered her face, mortified.  At sixteen, she was still easily embarrassed by her father’s antics.  “You can’t act like a teenager anymore.  Jeez.”

Brian chuckled.  “Libby, honey, your father’s always going to have the hormonal tendencies of a seventeen year old boy.  It’s just the way he’s made.”

“Hey!” AJ feigned insult and made everyone laugh.

Leigh leaned against Howie and grinned at the sight of everyone happily crunching away on their gooey, messy snacks.  “So, I say we play a game,” she announced.  “Something fun.  We haven’t been together like this in so long.”

Kristin agreed enthusiastically.  “Absolutely! Let’s do it.  Any ideas?”

Mason, Jacob, and Libby rolled their eyes at the idea of playing a game with their parents, but Sydney bounced a little in excitement. “I know! Let’s play charades.”

“Charades?” Kevin made a face.  “That’s so juvenile.”

“Dude, not if you play it right,” AJ told him and made Libby moan again.  He reached over and ruffled her dark hair.  “Lighten up, kiddo.  Your friends aren’t here to see me make a fool of myself.”

Sydney looked around the circle.  “So, is everyone good with charades?”

Baylee shrugged.  “Sure, what the hell. I’m in.”

Brian nodded and, quickly, the others agreed as well.  They split into teams, men against the women, even though Jacob pointed out that they needed to be more progressive and realize that gender divides were no longer the mainstream in today’s society.  Howie told his son to leave the sociology lecture for when he was in school and to just play.  Jacob grumbled a little but easily got into the spirit of the game.

Kristin and Leigh won points for the women, and Brian, Jacob, and Nick won points for the men.

“We’re winning, we’re winning! We men are clearly the best.” Jacob taunted, his previous claims about gender divides obviously forgotten.

“Oh, just you wait, child of mine,” Leigh told him.  “Spencer’s up next.  She’ll get our points back.”

Spencer stood and made her way over to where the men were congregated, trying to come up with things for her to do.  “Well? What do I have to do?”

AJ grinned up at her, and Spencer rolled her eyes.  “Oh, AJ.  Tell me it’s not something dirty.”

Brian tugged her down on the sand and whispered into her ear, “A stripper.”

“What?!” Spencer gaped at them.  “Are you kidding me?”

Howie shrugged.  “Kevin thought it might be interesting.  The rest of us, except for the kids, agreed.”

“Honestly, Aunt Spencer, we don’t want to see any of the moms strip,” Mason whispered.  “But the old guys, here, think it would be hilarious.”

Spencer shook her head.  “Why me?” she asked the starry sky.  “What did I do to deserve this one?”

“Come on, Spencer!” AJ cheered her on.  “You can do it!”

She stood up and wondered how she’d do this.  She’d never been much of a dancer, and she definitely didn’t want to pretend to shimmy around.  “I can keep my clothes on, right?” she whispered.

“You wearing a bathing suit under there?” AJ gestured to her sarong and tank top.

“Yes. Oh, come on, AJ!” She looked over at Kevin, the one she’d always considered the most levelheaded.  “I don’t have to do that, right, Kevin?”

Kevin, though, had had one too many beers and grinned up at her.  “Just do it, Spencer! Loosen up! Have some fun.”

Groaning a little, she made a face at her team.  “Sorry about this ahead of time,” she said and received curious looks in return.

“Hey, no talking!” Brian reminded her.

Spencer glared at him over her shoulder before she began to move.  Feeling ridiculously foolish, she swayed and moved her hips exaggeratedly.  There were catcalls from the guys behind her, and Kristin started giggling.  

“Shakira?” Leigh wondered, but Spencer, still dancing, shook her head.

When she heard two of the guys start beat-boxing a rhythm for her, she felt her face turn red.  Beyond mortified now, she slowly stripped off her top and heard whistling from behind her.  Her team called out more ideas, but she shook her head at the name of the latest actress famous for her ability to lose clothing, the porn star guess, and a couple others.  Wishing they’d figure it out sooner, she realized she had to lose the sarong, too, and wanted the ground to open up and swallow her whole.

By the time she was down to just her bathing suit, AJ was howling.  She saw Leigh shoot Howie a look, and Kristin ask whose idea this was then laugh when she heard it had been Kevin’s.  What she didn’t see was the way Nick’s jaw dropped at the sight of her body, glowing in the light from the fire.  

Where, Nick wondered, had this body come from? She looked absolutely the same as she had twenty years ago.  And he was immediately reminded of why he’d always had such a strong physical reaction whenever he’d seen her.  Spencer had the perfect curves and was all smooth skin and, though he knew she was embarrassed beyond compare, she moved gracefully.  He couldn’t peel his eyes off of her.  His heart was racing, and his skin was heating from just watching her move.

Cara decided she’d seen enough, and she stood and scooped Spencer’s clothes up.  “A stripper.” She handed Spencer her clothing back and continued to watch Nick.  “You’re a stripper.  Good job.”

Spencer didn’t notice how flat and emotionless Cara’s voice was, since she was too grateful to be able to cover herself up again.  “Thanks.  You guys took way too long.”

“Nah, we just wanted to see how long you could do that,” Kristin chuckled.

Sydney’s brows were still lifted.  “Wow, Mom.  Were you ever a stripper in your college days?”

“Are you kidding me? That was the first time I’ve ever danced in public without being drunk first.” Spencer settled on the blanket again.  “So, who’s next?”

***

Cara cornered Nick in the kitchen when he went in to get more drinks.

“You were staring at her!” she accused, her hands fisted on her hips.  “I can’t believe you, Nick!”

“What else was I supposed to do?” Nick’s brows furrowed.  “Was I supposed to just stare at the fire or the ocean or something? It was just a game, Cara.”

She shook her head.  “That’s not what I saw.  You still want her, Nick.  After all these years and all the fights, you still want Spencer.”

“What?! No, of course I don’t,” he denied it quickly.  “Sure, Spencer’s got a great body, but you’re the only one I want, Cara.  I love you, and you’re the one I want for the rest of my life.  Don’t worry about Spencer.  You said it yourself; Spencer and I argue all the time.”

“So you don’t have any feelings for her?” She watched him carefully, searching for any sign that would confirm her biggest fear.

Nick struggled to suppress the desire he’d felt for Spencer.  When he’d seen her strip on the beach, he’d realized that he would always want her, no matter what.  “No.  All that I feel for Spencer is annoyance, and you know that.  Like I said, she’s always had great looks, but you’re the one I want.  You’re the one I choose.” He slipped his arms around her and met no resistance when he pulled her closer.  “Trust me?”

Cara rested her head against his heart.  “You know I do.” But she would continue to worry until the day she and Nick were legally bound.
Chapter Eight: Somebody Like You by starbeamz2
Nick couldn’t sleep, so he did what he always did when he was wide awake in the middle of the night.  He went down to the water.  The beach was quiet, the stars shone in the sky, and moonlight filtered over the cluster of rocks he leaned on.  The waves lapped peacefully at the sand, and he could smell the salty water.

Taking a deep breath of the fresh air, he tried to calm his mind, but it was too jumbled from everything he was feeling.  He was getting married in a few days, and he was nervous as a cat.  He loved Cara, but he hadn’t told her that she was right in her accusations.  He had definitely been watching Spencer, and it had nothing to do with annoyance.  Being around Spencer for the past few days had tossed him back into the past and into all those feelings he’d had for her.

Though he’d never been able to say the words aloud, he’d loved Spencer.  He hadn’t realized it until they’d broken up and all the nastiness between them had begun to brew.  It had been one of the hardest things he’d ever done to let her go, and he’d covered up the pain he’d felt by being angry and bitter towards her.  He’d wanted her to hurt the way he was hurting.  Over the years, though the pain had vanished, it had just become easier to be mad at her because he’d been terrified that, being friends with her would have brought all those feelings for her back to the surface.

And now look, he thought.  She was in his house for three days, during which they’d fought only the first day she’d been there, and he was already wanting her again.  It was wrong, and it had to stop.  He only wished he knew how to stop wanting her.

It hadn’t helped when he’d seen her strip for her turn in charades, and, he could admit, every time he’d tried to close his eyes and sleep, the sight of her had flashed behind his closed eyelids.  It felt as though he was emotionally betraying Cara, but, try as he might, he could do nothing about it.

He should’ve been angry that Sydney had invited Spencer to their house the week before his wedding.  He should’ve immediately found Spencer a hotel room far away from him, but he hadn’t.  He should’ve done a lot of things, but he hadn’t.  He was actually starting to like the fact that Spencer was around.  He’d forgotten all her silly little quirks and habits that made him smile.  He liked seeing her eyes change with her emotions behind her glasses.  He chuckled to himself as he remembered the fantasies he’d had when he was younger.  Her glasses had definitely been prominent in them.

“Oh, Jesus.” Nick tapped his fist against his forehead.  “What am I doing? I can’t be doing this.  I seriously cannot think about her that way.  I should be mad at her.  I should.” He squeezed his eyes shut and wished that he could find the anger he always seemed to have specially stored up for Spencer.  There was barely a remnant of it left.

“Nick?”

His head jerked up, and he found Spencer leaning over him with a concerned look on her face.  “Spencer.  Wh-what are you doing out here?” He glanced at his watch.  “It’s almost two in the morning.”

“I know.” She shrugged.  “Couldn’t sleep, so I thought I’d go for a walk.  What’s your excuse?”

Nick looked away from her and out at the ocean.  “Same.”

“I remember you taking walks out here whenever you couldn’t sleep,” she said without thinking.  Remembering herself, she winced.  “Sorry, didn’t mean to bring up the past.”

He shrugged.  “Whatever.  It’s no big deal.  It’s the past. Right?” He turned his head to look into her eyes.  

Spencer knelt next to him.  “I’m a firm believer in leaving what’s in the past, in the past.”

Nick wanted to believe that as well.  But, he could smell the scent of her skin, and his muscles tensed.  “Sure.  Yeah.”

They sat in silence for long moments, both lost in thoughts of the past.  As much as they wanted to leave things the way they’d been, they both knew that it was impossible to do so.  This was the first time in two decades that they’d spent so much time together, and they were both realizing the same thing.  It was too difficult to forget how and why they’d been together way back when, and, when they cut out the anger and annoyance, they actually liked each other as people.

Nick sighed a little.  Had he wasted all those years he’d been angry at Spencer? After all, she’d been his best friend at one point in his life, and he knew he’d been hers, too.  Maybe, he thought, maybe it was time to talk about it.  But, he had no idea where to start.

Spencer hugged her legs to her chest and wished there was some way she could bridge the awkward gap between herself and Nick.  Tossing and turning in her bed that night, she had finally understood that, if they got rid of all of the stupid anger, she and Nick really didn’t hate each other.  Had they really spent years angry with each other out of stubbornness?

At the same time, they turned to say something to the other.  There was a brief awkward moment before Spencer smiled.  “You go first.”

Nick shrugged.  “Okay.” He was quiet for a moment before cracking a smirk.  “You have some pretty great moves.  I was pretty shocked to see that from you.”

She could feel herself turn red again.  “Trust me, I was shocked, too.  I don’t think I’ve ever done something like that.”

“You’re too shy to do that.  You always were,” he pointed out.  “But it was nice to see you let loose, even though you were embarrassed the whole time.”

“I’m not shy.”

“Yeah, you are.  Like I said, you always have been.” Nick grinned at her pout.  “Oh, come on, Spencer.  You put on that confident outside, but, on the inside, we both know you’re a ball of nerves.  I gotta admit, it was always impressive to see you pull yourself together and do your thing when you were that nervous.”

She was quiet for a few seconds before sighing.  “Well, thanks.  You’d think I would’ve gotten over it by now.  Guess not.”

“Eh, it’s not that big of a deal.” He nudged her shoulder.  “I just have to ask, though.”

“What?”

“Where did you learn those moves? AJ’s tongue was dragging on the ground.” He grinned when she buried her face in her hands.  “I gotta admit, he was justified in it, too.  Like I said, you have some moves.”

Spencer looked at him through her fingers.  “I made them up, couldn’t you tell? I was mortified.  That is by far the most embarrassing thing I’ve ever done.  When he told me I had to seriously strip, I nearly had a heart attack.”

“We’re not that old yet,” he joked.

“Whatever.  I am never playing charades with you and your friends ever again.” She didn’t say that she doubted she’d ever see them again after this trip.  “I can’t believe I actually took off my clothes.  I must have looked like a hag.”

No, Nick thought.  Her body was pretty much the furthest thing from a hag that he’d seen on a woman of her age.  “I think, if you lose your DA job, you could have a great career as a stripper.  No, seriously,” he said when she snorted.  “Your moves were sexy and hot.  Plus, your body is way better than those completely plastic twenty year olds that shimmy on poles in strip joints.  You’re all real and seriously beautiful.”

When he stopped talking, they both sat, staring at each other in shock.  Had he really said that? she wondered.  Had Nick actually called her sexy? She didn’t know where those words had come from, but she was in serious shock.  He found her attractive…even after all this time and all their history.

Nick, on the other hand, felt his palms go clammy as his skin heated just remembering her body.  Try as he might, he couldn’t bring himself to forget…any of it.

***

July 2007
Tampa, Florida


The kiss went on and on for what seemed like forever, and their bodies fit together perfectly.  When his hands slowly slipped her shirt off, she didn’t protest but pressed her lips to his throat.  His pulse was beating wildly, and he could feel her heartbeat match his.  Her skin was smooth beneath his fingers, and, by the time he’d laid her back onto the bed, it was damp from the heat and the passion shimmering between them.  Every last inch of her was a dream, and he tortured them both by trailing his lips over her skin, his hands stroking her into ecstasy.  

Her eyes were dark with passion when they met the deep blue of his.  Her hands cupped his face as she brought his lips back to hers and pushed them both closer to insanity.  When he slid into her, she moaned and began to move with him.  The sensations inside him grew and expanded until his world was pinpointed on one person—Spencer.  Being with her felt so right, and he couldn’t believe he’d gone twenty-seven years without this.  Without her.  Somewhere deep down inside of him, he knew the truth, knew the full extent of his feelings for her, even if it would take him quite some time to admit it to himself.  

The sounds she made exhilarated him and aroused him beyond what he’d thought he could feel.  Her movements drove him crazy, and he shifted to slide deeper into her.  Without thinking, his hands groped for hers, and their fingers linked together as though they were both holding on for dear life.  He felt her body quake and shudder before it melted beneath him, and he let himself slide off the edge of reason with her.

Long moments passed as they lay wrapped up in each other’s arms.  Her head rested in the curve of his shoulder, while their legs tangled together.  Nick had never felt quite this way before with anyone else, and he liked it.  If he had been able to, he would’ve spent the rest of his life in that spot with her.

“I’m glad we waited,” he murmured, his hand lazily stroking her bare back.  “You were incredible, and I’m really glad we waited.”

Spencer propped herself up on her elbows and kissed him.  “Me, too.  Didn’t I say you should trust me?”

“I did, and I do.” He cupped a hand behind her neck and pulled her in for another kiss.  “Mmm.  This is good.”

“It is,” she whispered against his mouth, and, when he rolled her over onto her back, his lips trailing down her neck, she let herself drown in the feelings only he had ever been able to pull from her.

***

Neither of them said a word as they were both lost in their own thoughts.  Nick tried desperately to rid himself of the memories of making love with Spencer.  It was no secret that he enjoyed sex, but he’d never quite experienced it in the same way that he had with Spencer.  But, if he kept thinking that way, he knew it would get him into nothing but trouble.  Those memories belonged in the ancient past, and he knew it would take immense efforts on his part to make sure they stayed there.

Spencer didn’t look at him, afraid that she would throw herself into his arms if she did.  Over the years, the need she had for him had dulled, but, suddenly, it had flared again.  She wasn’t sure if it was just her proximity to him or whether it was the way he’d talked about her, but she certainly didn’t think she’d survive his rejection.  Not again.  

When thunder rumbled overhead, they both glanced up at the sky, confused.  Sometime during their conversation, neither had noticed the storm clouds rolling in and darkening the sky.  When the first fat drops of rain fell and lightning slashed through the sky, Nick pushed to his feet.

“We’d better get back inside.” He hesitated for a moment before telling himself to be polite.  He held out a hand to Spencer.  “Come on, before we both end up soaked.”

She took his hand and let him help her up.  “Thanks.  I-” Her voice was drowned out by the roar of thunder and the sudden downpour of rain that soaked them instantly.

“Come on.” Nick tugged her along with him, her hand in his.  “Run!”

Spencer dragged her feet through the wet, heavy sand and struggled to keep up with his longer strides.  She could barely see through the torrential downpour and swiped wet hair out of her eyes.  Without warning, she tripped over something and lost her balance.  When she fell onto her back on the sand, she took Nick down with her.

The fall had jarred him for a moment or two, but he realized he was crushing Spencer beneath him.  Lifting his head, he looked down at her face.  Whatever he’d been about to say was lost when their eyes locked, and a shaky breath trembled out from her slightly parted lips.  Her hair was plastered to her face, and her wide, wary eyes were dark.

Not thinking at all, he did what felt absolutely right at that moment.  He lowered his head and met her lips with his own.  When her arms slowly, tentatively wrapped around him, he forgot everything but them.
Chapter Nine: You'll Think of Me by starbeamz2
They didn’t talk about it.  Not once.  By the next morning at breakfast, it was as though nothing had happened—even if it had.

Nick tried not to think about it and wanted to pretend it hadn’t happened.  In fact, he wanted to kick himself because he’d liked kissing someone who wasn’t Cara.  Spencer’s thoughts ran along the same lines.  She hated herself for enjoying it, and for being a part of the fact that Nick had betrayed Cara.  It didn’t matter that it had been just one kiss, they both still felt equal parts thrill and guilt over it.

From now on, they both thought, they were going to work extra hard to stay away from each other.

Sydney sat at the kitchen table and watched her parents move around the kitchen, trying extra hard to stay away from each other and being super polite.  It was a little too weird for her, especially since it was the first time she’d seen them in the same room together without any arguments brewing between them.  Spencer was making pancakes while Nick rummaged through the pantry in search of something.

Sydney propped her chin on her hand and watched, curiously, as Spencer barely flicked a glance at Nick.

“Nick, can I please have the chocolate chips?” she asked politely.

Nick didn’t even bother looking over his shoulder at her.  “There aren’t any chocolate chips in here.”

“I saw them there yesterday.  They’re there.” Spencer continued to beat the pancake batter.  “Third shelf on the right.”

He shuffled stuff around in the pantry and, without turning around, tossed the bag over his shoulder.  “Found them.  Here.”

Spencer caught the bag one-handed.  “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Okay.” Sydney frowned at the two of them.  “What’s going on here? The two of you are acting really weird.”

Nick backed out of the pantry, Spencer stopped beating the batter, and they both stared at her curiously.  “What?” they asked simultaneously, then exchanged glances before they looked back at their daughter.

“See! That’s exactly what I’m talking about!” Sydney shook her head.  “This whole weekend, you guys tried to avoid each other like the plague, and, now, you’ve been in the same room for a whole twenty minutes, and you haven’t had a single fight.  It’s almost too Mike and Carol Brady for me.  Did I wake up in the Twilight Zone or what?”

Spencer opened her mouth to respond, but the sound of the doorbell cut her off.  Nick zoomed out of the room, calling, “I’ll get it!” over his shoulder.  Sydney stared after him, her brow furrowed, while Spencer went back to pouring pancake batter onto the frying pan.

A few minutes later, Nick hurried back into the room.  “Sorry, I can’t stay for breakfast.  Cara and I are going out, so, Sydney, I’ll see you tonight or something.  That sound good?”

“How come you have to evade every question I have?” She folded her arms over her chest.  

“Syd, I really have to run.” He kissed her forehead, not wanting to answer her questions and knowing that she knew how he felt.  “I love you, and we’ll hang out tonight. Okay?”

“Fine.” She pouted a little and waited until she heard the front door close before she huffed out a breath.  “I’m not a baby, you know.”

Spencer didn’t turn around.  “I know you’re not.  Who said you were?”

“Why do you and Dad treat me like I’m a kid? I can handle more than you think.”

Spencer slid golden pancakes onto a plate and set them in front of Sydney.  “Honey, your father and I know exactly how much you can handle.  We’re very proud of you.  But.” She waited until Sydney looked up at her.  “We’re not hiding anything from you.”  Only from ourselves, she thought wryly.  “I promise.”

Sydney shrugged and stabbed a pancake.  “Yeah, sure.”

Spencer slid into a seat across the table from her daughter.  “Sydney, have I ever lied to you?”

“No.  But you have avoided and evaded.  A lot.” Sydney poured more syrup over her pancakes.  “Which one are you doing this time?”

Spencer sighed and took the syrup to pour over her own pancakes.  “I’m telling you the truth.  If there was anything to hide, well, it wouldn’t be hidden.  Haven’t you ever noticed that your father can’t exactly keep his mouth shut?”

“Maybe.” Sydney cracked a smile.  “He is kind of a big mouth, isn’t he?”

“Yes, but don’t tell him that.  Your father also has a short fuse on his temper.”

Sydney paused in the act of spearing another piece of pancake onto her fork.  She studied her mother for a moment.  “Hey, Mom?”

“Hmm?” Spencer nibbled on a chocolate chip.

“Why don’t you ever call Dad by his name?”

“Huh?” Spencer looked up, confused.  “Of course, I do.”

Sydney shook her head.  “No, you don’t.  You always say ‘your father’ or something.  Why don’t you ever call him Nick?”

“I, uh, guess I never noticed that I did that.” Spencer mulled it over, puzzled.  “Strange.”

Breakfast was silent after that, though Sydney discreetly watched her mother and saw each one of the myriad of expressions that ran over Spencer’s face.  Interesting, she thought.  Very interesting.

***

“Try on the green, Leigh.” Kristin held out a sundress in a dramatic shade of vivid green.  “With your skin color, it’ll look fabulous.”

Leigh took the dress and held it in front of her, studying herself in the mirror.  “It kind of makes it look like I have less wrinkles, right?”

Her second, and youngest, child, Isabel rolled her eyes.  She’d arrived from Orlando that morning and had been just in time to meet up with her mother, Kristin, Sydney, and Spencer to go shopping.  “Mom, I don’t think anything can hide your wrinkles at this point.  You’re beyond hope.”

“You’ll know what it feels like soon enough.” Leigh tucked the dress in the crook of her arm and tugged on her daughter’s ponytail.  “It’ll be your turn before you know it.  I’m going to try this dress on.  Let me know when Spencer comes out with that red one.” She vanished into the dressing room.

Kristin tucked her arm through Isabel’s.  “You should lay off your Mom and the old age comments, you know.  One day, it might just come back to bite you in the ass.”

Isabel shrugged.  “I’m only seventeen.  I’ve got plenty of time.” She slipped her arm away from Kristin’s.  “I’ll go check and see if Sydney found anything.”

Kristin shook her head and settled into a chair in a corner of the dressing room’s waiting area.  She was about to hit sixty, and, though Kevin always told her she looked fabulous, she felt every bit her age.  Her legs couldn’t exactly take the running around she’d once been able to do.  Fortunately, her mind was still sharp, and, since her arrival in Tampa, she’d had plenty to ponder on.  Not the least of which was the woman who stepped cautiously out of one of the stalls.

“Well?” Spencer held out her arms and turned in a circle.  “What do you think? Isn’t the red too bright for me?”

Kristin smiled.  “Actually, no.  It’s perfect, and the color doesn’t even clash with your hair.  What is your secret, by the way? You don’t even have a single hint of white in that gorgeous hair of yours.”

Spencer lifted a hand to her hair.  “Oh, it’s there.  I guess it just blends in really well.”

“Maybe.  So, want the dress?”

Sydney and Isabel returned, and Sydney’s arms were piled high with more clothing.  She stopped when she saw her mother.  The dress Spencer wore was sleeveless and fit her perfectly.  The low, slashing neckline was dramatic, and the back was bare to the waist.  It was loose enough that Sydney knew her mother would be comfortable wearing it, but it still made her mother look, well, outrageously sexy.  And, because it was just weird to think about her mother as sexy, she held out another outfit.

“You have got to get that one, Mom.  You look really, really good.” She grinned when Spencer smiled a little at her reflection.  “You know you want it.  Just get it.  And, try this on, too.”

Spencer took the new pair of clothes from her daughter and shook her head.  “This is the last thing I try on.  It’s your turn, honey.  I’ll get this dress, but I really want to see you try on that turquoise one.  I bet it’ll go really well with your eyes.”

Kristin nodded enthusiastically.  “Definitely.  And, Isabel, go try on that black halter top one.  It’s just daring enough for your young age.” She grinned when Isabel rolled her eyes.  “Hey, if you can’t take it, don’t dish it.  Right?”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah.” But both girls vanished into stalls to change.  

Leigh came out in the green sundress she’d taken to try on.  “I think I’m going to get it,” she told them before her eyes widened at the sight of Spencer.  “Wow.  You have to get that.  You look ten years younger.  Not that you look old now, of course.  And I’d love to know your secret, by the way,” she added.

“Get in line,” Kristin told her as Spencer blushed.  Then, not giving her the chance to speak, she continued, “I swear, if she were still with Nick, his eyes would pop out of his head if he saw her in that.”

Inside her stall, Sydney froze with her fingers on her buttons and listened.

Spencer cautiously picked at the hem of her skirt.  “Maybe.  But we’ve been over for years.  What’s the point in bringing that up?”

“Oh, no reason.” Kristin waved it off and winked at Leigh behind Spencer’s back.  “I was just saying.”

Leigh caught on and asked, “What’s the deal with the two of you now, anyway? Last I heard, you could barely tolerate being in the same place together, but, all of a sudden, you’re staying at his place this week? How’s that going?”

“It’s okay,” Spencer replied carefully.  “We’re not fighting, really.  I think that surprised both of us, but we’re okay right now.”

“That’s good.  God, how awkward would it be if you were still in love with him, right?” Kristin patted Spencer’s arm.  “Good thing you’re not.  I have to say, it would take a stronger woman than me to stay at my ex-fiancé’s house when he was getting married to someone else.”

Spencer shrugged.  “It’s not so bad.  I mean, we still annoy the hell out of each other, so I don’t feel much more than irritation towards him.  I’m pretty sure Nick feels that way, too.” Although, her mind reminded her, he hadn’t felt so irritated when he’d kissed her mindless the night before.  Because it made her skin warm, she stifled the memory.  “So, yeah, it’s not so bad.”

“And, in a couple days it’ll all be over,” Leigh pointed out.  “Well, good for you.  I’m glad we got to see you again.  Even if you did wait to see us until we’re old and haggard.”

“Oh, please.” Spencer chuckled, relieved at the switch to a safer subject.  “You’ll never be old and haggard.  Besides, you’ve got a great guy like Howie to love you, despite the wrinkles and whatever.” She glanced over at Kristin.  “And, you.  Kevin’s got you on this pedestal, and you’ll never be old for him.  Both of you have it made.”

Kristin managed a small smile.  “You’ll find someone, too.  You’ll see.”

Spencer smiled a little, too, before she stood.  “I’d better go try on that other outfit.  I’ll be right back.”

When she was gone, Kristin and Leigh exchanged looks and shook their heads.  Inside her stall, Sydney smacked her forehead.  It looked as though it was time for more drastic measures.  Obviously, simply expecting nature to run its course was not going to work.

***

“Mason,” Sydney’s annoyed voice hissed out on the speakerphone of his cell phone.  “This is not working out the way I need it to.”

Mason chalked his cue and rolled his eyes.  “I told you it wouldn’t.  Give it a break, Sydney.”

Baylee raised his brows.  “Secrets are no fun, you know.”

“Is that Baylee?” Sydney’s voice perked up.  “Hi, Bay!”

“Hey, Sydney.  What’s wrong?”

Mason shook his head.  “Don’t encourage her.  Seriously, man, you don’t wanna know.”

“Hey!” Sydney sounded insulted.  “I thought you were on my side, Mason.”

“I am.  But your plan is ridiculous.  This isn’t a movie.” He cursed a little when his aim went wide and only one ball fell into a pocket.  “Your turn, Baylee.”

Baylee leaned against the pool table, studying it.  “What’s the plan involve, Sydney?”

“Are you going to help me?”

“What’s it about?” he asked again, chalking his cue.

There was a short silence before she spoke again.  “I’m trying to get my parents back together.  I need to find a way to get them alone and get them to realize that they’re still in love with each other.  So far, in four days, all they’ve managed is to quit fighting.  Dad’ll be married by the time anything more happens.  So, I need a new plan.”

Mason picked his phone off the edge of the pool table.  “Listen, Sydney, we’re busy right now, and I’m sure Baylee will tell you that this is a terrible-”

“I’ll help,” Baylee interrupted him.  “Meet us for breakfast at the hotel tomorrow.  I think I can come up with a couple of ideas by then.”

“Really? Baylee, you’re the best!” Sydney’s cheerful voice bubbled over the phone.  “I’ll see you guys tomorrow then! Thanks so much! Bye!”

Baylee snapped the phone shut, dropped it into Mason’s hand, and noticed his frown.  “What’s your problem?”

“Why are you encouraging her? There is no way Nick and Spencer are going to fall for each other in the next three days.” Mason folded his arms over his chest and frowned.  “Not to mention, it’s wrong of us to try to toy with people’s emotions.”

Baylee shot him a disgusted look.  “Dude, I thought you wanted to be a doctor, not a fucking shrink.”

“Shut up.”

“Are you in or are you going to chicken out with your emotional crap? Spencer and Nick have always belonged together,” Baylee pointed out.  “They just need a push.” He lifted a brow.  “Well?”

Mason really didn’t want to, but he thought of Sydney before he turned to see Baylee’s teasing expression.  “Ugh. Fine.  I guess I’m still in.”

***

It was nearly two in the morning when Spencer set aside the files of paperwork that she’d brought along with her from her office.  She knew that it was pointless of her to take a vacation and still work during it, but she couldn’t help it.  She loved her work.  But, at the moment, she loved something else more.

Creeping out of her room, she tiptoed down the hall and carefully pushed open the door.  In the light from the hallway, she studied her sleeping daughter.  Sydney always looked so peaceful when she slept, even though her arms and legs were flung dramatically across the bed.  Her blanket was already tangled around her legs, and Spencer had to smile.  Ever since Sydney had been a baby, Spencer had loved watching her daughter sleep.  All that energy that Sydney had during the day was finally at rest.

Nick found Spencer standing in the doorway to their daughter’s room when he came up the steps a few moments later.  He’d been working overtime on the material he wouldn’t be able to work on while he was off on his honeymoon.  Plus, being in the studio allowed him to ignore Spencer’s presence.  Now, though, he couldn’t avoid it.

“What are you doing?” he whispered into her ear and grinned when she jumped.

She spun around to glare at him.  “Nick.  Don’t do that! Jesus, you gave me a heart attack.” But it wasn’t just the fact that he’d startled her that caused her heart to race.  

Nick could tell, from the look in her eyes, that she was remembering what had happened between them the night before—just like he was.  Blinking, he looked over her head at where Sydney slept.  “Look how cute she is,” he murmured with a small smile, changing the subject easily.

Spencer turned to where their daughter slept.  “Even when she’s sleeping, she’s all over the place,” she whispered.

“She’s perfect.  Even when she drives me crazy, I can’t believe she’s my kid.” Nick grinned when Sydney mumbled in her sleep and smashed her face into her pillows.  “She never stops moving, does she?”

“Nope.” Spencer shook her head.  “Ever since she was little, I’ve always loved doing this every once in a while.  Even though it’s been twenty-one years, I still can’t believe she came from us.  That we made someone that precious, that wonderful.”

Nick leaned his head against the doorway and, needing to, reached for her hand.  When their fingers linked and held tight, he felt content.  “She’s ours.”

***

November 2007
Los Angeles, California


Nick glanced over at the passenger seat where Spencer sat, staring out the window.  Usually, she was a bundle of energy and would’ve gushed over everything that had happened at the Unbreakable LA premiere party, but she’d been uncharacteristically quiet all night.  In fact, ever since he’d picked her up at the airport that morning, she’d barely said anything more than was absolutely necessary.  Maybe she was just tired, he thought and pulled into the driveway of his house.  Maybe he was just blowing things out of proportion.

When he turned the engine off, Spencer didn’t move.  Nick reached out and laid a hand tentatively on her shoulder.  “Spence? Is everything okay, baby?” She didn’t say anything, but she shifted away from his hand.  He frowned.  “Are you feeling okay?”

This time, she turned her head to look at him.  Her expression was blank and worried him.  “What’s with the questions, Nick? Stop staring at me like I’m on a slide under a microscope or something.”

His frown deepened.  “It’s just that you were really quiet all day, and I just wanted to know if you were okay.” He held up his hands.  “Don’t get pissed at me for wanting to know if my girlfriend is okay.”

Now, her expression was angry.  “You want to know if I’m okay?” she hissed.  “I’m not.  I’m absolutely not okay, Nick! And you’re partly to blame, too.”

“What? What did I do?”

“What didn’t you do, Nick? Damn it.” She shook her head.  “I shouldn’t have come out here today.” She turned to shove open the door, but Nick caught her arm.  “Let go of me, Nickolas.  I’m going inside.”

He pulled her back.  “Not until you tell me what the fuck is wrong with you.  You’re usually normal, so this is freaking me out.”

“It’s freaking you out? Oh, that’s fine.” She yanked her arm out from his hand.  “That’s just great.  Why don’t you see how you feel about this?” She climbed out of the car then stuck her head back in to glare at him.  “I’m going to have your baby in six and a half months! That’s what the fuck is wrong with me.”

She slammed the door and stalked into his house, leaving Nick staring, shocked, at her retreating figure.  Long minutes passed as he sat there, frozen.  He was going to be a father? How had this happened? he wondered.  Of course, he knew how it had happened, but he couldn’t believe Spencer was actually pregnant.

Not that she’d been happy about it.  He’d always expected that, if he’d ever screwed up and knocked up a woman, she’d probably be through the roof about the idea of having Nick Carter’s kid.  This was a blow to his ego to see that Spencer was obviously not happy.

He climbed out of the car, and, walking up to his front door, he carefully pushed it open.  He searched the first floor for her before climbing the stairs to the second floor.  He had no idea what he’d say to her when he found her, but he knew that they had to talk about…about their baby.  Even the word baby made him gulp nervously.

He found her in his bedroom, sitting on the edge of the bed with her arms wrapped around herself.  She didn’t move an inch, and Nick sat cautiously next to her.  He had no idea what to say, but he couldn’t help but chance a glance at her stomach.  He didn’t know if he was relieved or disappointed to find that it was still flat.

“Spencer.  Uh, I don’t-” He licked his lips nervously.  “When did you find out?”

She continued to stare at the floor.  Her voice, when she spoke, was dull, emotionless.  “Three weeks ago.”

“What? Why didn’t you tell me?”

Now, she looked up at him, and he could see her face showed her weariness and anxiety.  “I don’t know, Nick.  I mean, at first, I couldn’t believe it either.  It took me a while to really realize I was pregnant.  After that, you were in Europe and doing all of your promo stuff.  How the hell could I just drop such a bombshell on you?” She sniffled back the tears that threatened to spill out of her eyes.  “I didn’t even mean to tell you now, but I couldn’t hide it anymore.  It’s been eating at me.”

“You’re not going to, um, have an a-a-abortion, are you?” Nick had never really considered abortion until this moment, but he knew he wouldn’t let her get rid of their baby if she wanted to do so.  Wanted or not, mistake or not, it was his kid.

Spencer’s eyes widened.  “Are you kidding me? I could never do that.”

“Oh, good.” He breathed a sigh of relief.  “That’s good.”

“Nick, I know you’ve always said you don’t want a family, and I didn’t mean to mess that up for you.  I just don’t know what I’m going to do now.” She placed a hand on her lower belly.  “I’m just getting started on my career, and I know you’ve got a crazy, busy schedule.  If you, uh, don’t want the baby, I can take care of it.  It’s no big deal.” Spencer stared at her feet, afraid of what he would say.  “I can just go back to Nashville, and we can pretend this, us, never happened.” She knew that, if he said okay to this plan, it would rip her heart to pieces.

Nick stared at her bent head and worried.  She was right about both of their careers being important, and she’d been right that he hadn’t wanted a family, not ever.  He thought of his life without Spencer, baby or not, and thought of how it would feel.  

No Spencer would mean no one to make him laugh or make him really think about things he’d never thought of before.  She always pushed him to be more than he was and stop falling into the dumb blonde act that everyone else had always expected from him.  Without Spencer, he wouldn’t have anyone to sing along to Journey with in the car or practice the Soulja Boy dance when only she was there to watch him make an ass out of himself.  He wouldn’t be able to go for those pointlessly long drives and talk about all the stupid, silly things that randomly occurred to him on such drives.  She was always good at listening to his ideas about his record label and had really pushed him to get things going on that end.  Plus, without Spencer, who else would call him on all the moronic things he did or said on a daily basis?

“Don’t go,” he whispered.

Her head came up slowly, and her gray eyes were huge when she looked at him.  “What?”

He cupped her cheek gently, rubbing his thumb over her cheekbone.  “I don’t want you to go.  I have no idea how to take care of a baby, but you got pregnant for a reason.  This is our baby, and I guess I want to be there for you, for it.  If it means I get to keep you with me, then I’ll do this.” He wasn’t sure how to tell her he loved her, but he hoped she understood what he was trying to say.

There was the beginning of a smile on her lips.  “Really?”

“Really.” Nick brushed his lips over hers.  “Stay with me.  We’ll figure things out.”

Her arms came around him tight.  “Oh, god, I’ve been so worried.  I thought you’d hate me.” She rested her head against his shoulder.

“Hate you?” He shook his head.  “I have no clue how to take care of babies, but I don’t think you being pregnant could make me hate you.”

Spencer was quiet for a few moments.  Then, “Nick, what are we going to do? You live here or in Tampa, and I live in Nashville.  Where are we going to raise this baby? How are we going to take care of it together?”

Nick didn’t know what to say because he was still stuck on the fact that he was going to be a father.  He wondered what his friends would say about it when he told them.  Then, he thought about Spencer’s questions.  Everything from here on out seemed so murky and uncertain.  The only clear thing was that he wanted to be with Spencer.

When the idea occurred to him, he didn’t bother thinking twice.  “Spencer.” He tipped her chin up to look into her eyes.  “Will you do something for me?”

“Yeah, okay.” She frowned.  “What is it?”

“Will you marry me?”

Her eyes widened.  “Oh, Nick.  You don’t have to-”

“No, I want to.  Seriously, I’ve never thought about marriage with anyone else but you.  And it’s not just because of the baby,” he added, knowing exactly what she would think.  “I want you with me all the time, and I really want this.  So…will you marry me?” His palms were sweating, and he hoped she wouldn’t say no.

Spencer knew if she let herself, she’d find a thousand reasons to say no.  Only one reason to agree seemed important at that moment.  She was in love with him.

“Yes,” she told him and watched his face light up.  “Yes, I’ll marry you.  Let’s do it.”
Chapter Ten: My Confession by starbeamz2
Author's Notes:
Hey all! Thanks for the reviews! I'm glad you're all enjoying this story as much as I'm enjoying writing it for you! Anyway, here's your new year's treat...the next chapter!
Spencer dug her feet into the carpet and tried not to budge. “Oh, no. Not me. There’re a ton of things that I have to do today. Go find someone else to play with.”

“Come on, Spencer. Be a good sport and come out and play with me!” He tugged at her arm and managed to drag her out of the bedroom. “Besides, you said you were on vacation this week. Doing work is not a vacation.”

“Brian!” She tried to grab hold of the nearest table, lamp, or random piece of furniture and cursed Nick for not putting anything in his hallway. “Isn’t there anyone else you can go bother?”

He grinned as he yanked her down the stairs. “No one else has a pretty accent like yours, Spencer. It sure does remind me of the good old days,” he added, exaggerating his own accent. “I promise, if you come, you’ll get a special prize.”

“Oh, goody.” The sarcasm dripped from her words as she rolled her eyes and stopped resisting being dragged from the house and into his awaiting car. “And what would that be?”

“I can’t tell you that, now,” Brian said cheerfully, snapping her seatbelt on before climbing into the driver’s seat. “You’ll just have to trust me.”

Spencer folded her arms and slouched in the seat. “Already, I’m not having fun. Don’t you have some silly bachelor party to set up for Nick tonight?”

“Kevin and Howie got that end taken care of. I just have to pay for the booze. It’ll be a bachelor party Nick will never forget.”

“I bet he won’t,” she muttered and turned to stare at the window.

Brian ruffled her hair playfully. “Oh, come on, Spencer. You know it’s practically tradition to have one, especially for Nick. Heck, we all thought he’d be a bachelor forever. Imagine everyone’s surprise when they found out he was actually going to settle down.”

“Yeah. Nick Carter actually getting married. Imagine that,” she mumbled.

He winced a little when he realized the full effect of his words. “Crap. I’m sorry, Spencer. I didn’t mean-”

“It’s fine, Brian. That was in the deep, dark past, and, as I recall, everyone was shocked then, too.” Spencer sighed and shoved sunglasses onto her nose.

“Yes, but it was even bigger because you were pregnant, too. If you thought we were surprised that the kid was getting married, you should’ve seen how stunned we were that he was going to be a daddy.” Brian turned his car onto a road and started to follow the signs announcing the approaching attraction.

She shrugged. “I bet. If I could, I’d go back and change everything, except the part about Sydney. The only thing I’ll ever be grateful to Nick for is the fact that, without him, I’d never have had my baby.”

“Or had your heart stolen?” Brian didn’t bother looking over at her as he pulled into a parking lot. He knew the look on her face wouldn’t be so pretty.

“Maybe,” she said simply before her eyes widened behind her tinted lenses. “An amusement park? Brian.” She turned to stare at him, her jaw dropped. “You brought me to an amusement park? For what? The cheap thrills?”

He tugged her out of the car and marched them over to the ticket counters. “For the fun of it. Knowing you, you’ve probably never let yourself have fun in the last twenty years, huh?”

“That’s not true,” she said indignantly, then had to admit secretly that it was. She watched as he paid for two admission passes. “I’d better get a damn big prize for going on all those rollercoasters with you.”

Brian grinned at her, knowing she’d already gotten over her anger. “Have I ever gone back on one of my promises?” Before she could answer, he dragged her over to the gate, determined that she’d have the time of her life.

***

There was a bounce in his step as he jumped down the stairs as though he were ten again. As the days until his wedding dwindled, he was starting to feel less nervous and more excited. The bachelor party that his bandmates were throwing for him was that night and was definitely a big part of his growing excitement. He hadn’t gotten absolutely drunk in years, but he figured that, when a man was finally taking the plunge into marriage, he was entitled to get smashed.

Nick walked into the kitchen and stopped. Frowning, he looked around at the empty room and noted that there wasn’t anything cooking on the stove, no coffee in the coffeemaker, and, now that he stopped and listened, no sight or sound of anyone else in the house but him. It was obvious that he’d gotten too used too fast to the way Spencer always had breakfast cooking when he showed up in the mornings.

“Okay, weird.” He checked his watch, noted that it was just after ten, and wondered where both of his—Spencer was definitely not his, he corrected himself—where the women had gone. He spotted the note on the counter next to the coffeemaker and, grabbing it up, recognized Sydney’s handwriting.

Hey Dad!

Happy three days to your wedding!

Just wanted to let you know that I’m having breakfast with Mason and Baylee at their hotel, so I’ll probably see you later. Oh, and Mom went out with Uncle Brian, in case you were wondering. She left the makings for omelets in the fridge and said to flip the omelet after two minutes. Apparently, you’re good at burning stuff.

Okay, that’s it! Gotta run, so I’ll see ya later!

Love,
Your daughter


“Ha. Ha. Ha.” Nick scowled at the part about how he burned things and tried not to admit that it was true. Instead, he turned the coffeemaker on and, for all of thirty seconds, ignored the fact that Spencer’s truly incredible omelet mix was sitting in his fridge. His scowl deepened when he couldn’t hold out against temptation, and he dragged out a frying pan and the omelet batter from the fridge.

His tongue caught between his teeth as he concentrated, he poured the milky yellow batter onto the steaming pan and winced when some of it popped out onto his hand. “Ouch, ouch, ouch!” He stuck his hand under the tap, then dug out a spatula from a drawer. He checked the time on his watch and, after two minutes had passed, he carefully flipped the omelet and applauded himself for not dropping it on the floor.

As he began to time the next time he had to flip the omelet, the telephone rang. He picked up the receiver, one eye on the frying pan, and answered. “Hello?”

“Hello. May I speak with Spencer Wilde please?”

Nick didn’t recognize the man on the other end nor did he have any idea why someone would call his house to find Spencer. “Uh, I’m sorry,” he began, “Spencer isn’t here, right now. I could take a message for her, if you want.”

“Oh, well, that’s okay. She hasn’t been answering her cell phone today, and Sydney told me she was staying with her this week.” There was a pause. “Is this Nick?”

Nick frowned. “Uh, yeah. It’s Nick. Who is this?” Part of him wondered if Spencer had a boyfriend she hadn’t mentioned. That thought flew out of his head when the man answered.

“Well, son. This is her father, Flynn.” There was a slight pause. “I bet you never thought you’d see the day when you spoke with me again.”

The truth, Nick thought, was the truth, no matter how you tried to pretty it up. “Not to sound like a jerk, sir, but you’re right. I didn’t. Um, I guess I should ask how you are.”

Flynn chuckled a little, hearing the wariness in Nick’s voice. “Nickolas, twenty-two years ago, you were terrified of me, and, apparently, that hasn’t changed.” He paused. “I’m doing well. Had some knee surgery a couple months ago. At my age, I’m lucky I can actually walk. I lost my Mary two years ago, so it’s a bit more difficult to get along. I manage, though.”

“I didn’t know your wife, uh, passed away,” Nick replied, remembering how sweet Spencer’s mother had always been to him, even when he hadn’t deserved it. There had been times when he’d wished he were her son, but he’d lost her when he’d ended things with Spencer. “I’m sorry about that. I didn’t know.”

“Well, I don’t suppose Spencer would’ve told you,” Flynn replied. “Anyway, how are things going down there? I can’t imagine either you or my daughter were pleased to find out she’d be staying with you this week.”

Nick sighed a little. “No, sir, I can’t say we were. Sydney tricked us pretty well.”

Flynn laughed now. “Well, that’s my granddaughter for you. Not to mention, I do remember hearing that you pulled plenty of pranks on your bandmates when you were Sydney’s age. She had to get it from somewhere.”

“Yeah, I guess she did.” Nick smiled a little at the thought that maybe Sydney had inherited more from him than just his blue eyes and his height. “Spencer and me, we’re dealing with each other. We stopped fighting, so I guess that’s a pretty good thing.”

“I’d say it is. I hear you’re getting married, and I can’t imagine any man would want to fight with his ex-fiancée right before his wedding.” Flynn was quiet for a moment. “Before I say congratulations and wish you all the best of luck—which I do honestly mean—I want you to know that, as angry as I was that you broke my little girl’s heart all those years ago, I’ve never hated you, Nickolas.”

Nick’s brows shot up. “Really? Why not?”

“Because, as much as you made her cry, you also made her happier than I’ve ever seen her in her entire life. She loved you so much, and, in all the years since then, she’s never been even half as happy as she was with you.” Flynn sighed. “There’s not much I can do as her father to find her that happiness again, but I thought you should know that I always liked you. You weren’t what I’d expected my daughter to want for herself, but I can tell you that I wasn’t disappointed that Sydney turned out to be your daughter. You were a good man, and, from what Sydney’s told me over the years, you’ve gotten better. So, congratulations on your upcoming wedding and may you have all the best of luck.”

For several moments, Nick was speechless. He’d always thought Flynn Wilde hated his guts, and he’d never blamed the man for doing so. After all, the Wildes were a proper, conservative middle class family from Nashville, and he’d been the crazy celebrity that was sleeping with their daughter.

“Wow,” he said finally. “Thank you, really. I’m shocked that you never hated me because I wouldn’t and didn’t blame you if you did. And thank you for the well wishes. I’ll be sure to pass them along to my fiancée.”

“You do that, son. I’d better get going or I’ll be late for an appointment. Let Spencer know I called, will you?”

“Yeah, of course. Thanks, Mr. Wilde.”

“It’s not a problem, Nick. Take care.”

When he’d hung up with Spencer’s father, Nick leaned back against the counter and shook his head. It was a little difficult for him to believe that Flynn had just said all that to him and that he’d never disliked Nick. This week with Spencer, Nick thought, was giving him all sorts of surprises, and he wasn’t quite sure what to do with all of them.

As surprised as he was, though, at the fact that Flynn Wilde had always liked him, Nick couldn’t help but think that Spencer’s father had been wrong about the fact that Spencer had loved him. If she’d loved him, wouldn’t she have told him? Women were always talking about their feelings, but Spencer had never talked about love. If she’d loved him, Nick thought, it wouldn’t have been easy for her to walk away from what they’d had. He had been in love with her, and it had been hell for him to leave her.

Flynn was wrong, Nick decided. He had probably just figured that—

His thoughts trailed off as he sniffed the air. With a yelp, he rushed over to the stove and stared at the charred, burnt mess that his omelet had become. Cursing under his breath, he dumped it into the trashcan. Spencer would probably be angry that he’d ruined her omelet mix, and he winced at the eventual, inevitable look on her face when she found out.

“What a wreck,” he whispered as he scraped the pan clean. “Sorry, Spencer. Guess your omelet wasn’t meant to be. Just like us.”

***

When Brian pulled his car up Nick’s driveway at dusk, he and Spencer were laughing over the giant bear he’d won for her from one of the carnival games. It was large, purple, and very fluffy. Every time someone pulled its arm, it would say something like “Do it harder,” “Faster,” or “Yeah, baby, that was great!” Needless to say, Spencer and Brian were dying with laughter at the inappropriateness of such a stuffed animal.

“I’m glad they never made those when our kids were younger,” Brian said in between giggling. “I don’t know how I’d ever have been able to explain to Bay what the bear was saying.”

Spencer squeezed the bear to her. “I don’t think I’ll ever throw it away. Next time I’ve had a bad day because some annoying defense attorney got his client off easy, I’ll pull this guy out.”

“Oh, yeah. Good idea!” Brian chuckled as he checked his watch. “Hey, when you go in, can you send Nick out? I didn’t realize how late it was. Kevin wanted Nick at his party by nine, and I’m supposed to bring him.”

Her laughter died down almost instantaneously, and she unbuckled her seatbelt. “Sure. Thanks for today, Brian. You were right. I needed that.” She leaned over and kissed his cheek. “Have fun tonight.”

“I’m sure we will.” He winked. “Say hi to Sydney for me. I’ll see you soon!”

Spencer dragged her bear out of the car and waved to him over her shoulder as she walked up to the house. She tried not to let the good mood slide off her as she pushed open the front door. As much fun as she’d had riding all the rollercoasters with Brian and beating him at half of the games they’d played, she wasn’t quite ready to face the emotional rollercoaster that was Nick Carter.

As soon as she’d stepped inside, he came down the stairs, and her pleasant mood vanished.

“Oh, hey.” He glanced up from buttoning his shirt as he reached the first floor. “I was wondering where the hell Brian had taken you. Kevin said I had to go to the party with Brian. Is he outside?”

Spencer nodded. “Yeah, he’s waiting for you.” Tucking her bear under her arm, she started past him, but he stopped her.

“A teddy bear? Did you go shopping all day or what?” He tugged the bear away from her and squeezed it playfully.

She shook her head and pulled it back. “For your information, we went to that new amusement park on the other side of the city. It was pretty great, but, like I said, Brian’s waiting for you outside. You don’t want to be late for your moronic male ritual, do you? Can’t waste a single minute when you could be drinking too much, telling stupid stories, and getting lap dances all night long.” She rolled her eyes. “Is Cara okay with this ridiculous party you’ve got tonight?”

Nick narrowed his eyes as his temper began to simmer. “Look, I don’t say anything about whatever you spend your time doing, and you don’t get to criticize me for what I do. Besides, a bachelor party is, like, necessary before a guy gets married and shackles himself to one woman for the rest of his life. And, for your information, Cara is the one who thought it would be fun if I had a bachelor party with the guys.”

“Well, good for her. I’m surprised, with that attitude you have about marriage, that she wants to even go through with marrying you.” Spencer shook her head. “Why bother getting married, Nick, when you so obviously don’t believe in the beauty of that sacred bond with another person? I’m surprised you got off your selfish pedestal to actually propose to her.”

“I proposed to you, didn’t I? And, before you go off about why the hell I’m getting married, maybe you should ask yourself why you didn’t make that ‘sacred bond,’” he gestured quotation marks in the air, “with another guy. Wasn’t there anyone good enough for Miss Priss? God, you’re so uptight and obnoxiously snobby that no man in his right mind would want to spend his life with you.”

Spencer battled back her tears and lifted her chin. “Then why did you?” she shot back.

Nick stared at her for long moments before he shook his head. “Fuck this. I’m not going to waste my time arguing with you when I could be at my super terrific bachelor party.” He stalked out the door and just barely resisted the urge to slam it shut.

When he threw himself into Brian’s car and scowled out the window, Brian’s brows shot up. “Whoa, buddy. What’s wrong with you? You’re supposed to be happy about the bachelor party, not pissed off.”

“Spencer,” Nick muttered, and Brian immediately nodded in understanding.

“Oh, okay.”

The rest of the car ride was spent in silence while Nick brooded.

***

A busty blonde in two skinny swatches of red silk ran her hands along Nick’s shoulders and bit his ear when he slid dollar bills under her G-string. He toasted her gleefully with his who-knew-how-many drink of the night. He was well past buzzed and on his way to being falling down drunk. It hadn’t taken him long to figure out why Kevin had insisted that Brian bring him to his bachelor party.

The all-male social event of Nick’s year was being held in the enormous basement of one of Howie’s many properties. Everyone from the Backstreet Boys’ stage crew, band, and several members of their management team were present, along with the few friends the five men had in common. It was a pretty safe bet that just about everyone, except for Brian, AJ, and Howie’s son, Jacob, who was underage, probably couldn’t even remember their own names.

Nick stumbled across the room to where Howie, Brian, and AJ were lounging and watching all the action. He giggled as he passed a slinky brunette doing a lap dance for a very drunk Kevin. This was, in Nick’s opinion, the best bachelor party ever.

He flopped into a chair next to Brian and raised his glass in a toast. “This is the best fucking bachelor party I’ve ever had!”

“It’s the only one you’ve ever had,” AJ snickered.

“Whatever, whatever. You guys are the bestest friends a guy could ask for. I mean, we’re way old, but this party is off the hook, man!” Nick’s words were rather slurred, and Brian tried not to laugh.

“Glad we could help,” he replied and took the glass from Nick’s hand before Nick dropped it.

Nick tossed his arm around Brian’s shoulders and grinned foolishly at the three men. “You know, I was in a fucking awful mood when I got here. Now, I’m super duper happy. Women are so weird, you know. Spencer pissed me off really good before, but, now, it’s women that put me back in the mood.” He tried, unsuccessfully, to wiggle his eyebrows suggestively at one of the exotic dancers. “I mean, I’m about to marry a really awesome woman, who shares my love of comics and drawing, and I’m going to spend the rest of my life with her. I should be through the roof, right?”

Howie nodded. “Sure. Of course. Aren’t you happy?”

“Well, hell yeah, I am!” Nick gestured wildly, and Brian ducked to avoid being smacked in the face. “But then, Spencer comes along and wrecks the whole thing for me. I thought Cara was it, ya know?”

AJ, Howie, and Brian exchanged glances before AJ spoke. “And now?”

“Fuck man, I don’t know.” Nick shrugged exaggeratedly. “I thought I was way over Spencer, like, twenty years ago, you know? I mean, after all that shit went down during the pregnancy and all, I thought, that’s it. I’m never taking that bitch back. And, for twenty years, I did just fine. Then we had that stupid charades crap, and that stripper bit? Whoa.” He shook his head. “Who knew Spencer was hot shit under those stupid suits she wears? I sure as hell didn’t.”

“She’s always been pretty, Nick,” Brian offered helpfully.

Nick nodded enthusiastically. “Oh, hell, yeah. And sex with her was, like, whoa times infinite.”

“You had sex with her?!” All three men were shocked.

“Well, duh. Where do you think Sydney came from? It sure as hell wasn’t the stork,” Nick told them.

Brian shook his head. “Nick, did you have sex with Spencer this week?”

“What?” Nick’s expression looked stunned for a moment before he giggled. “ ‘Course not! We piss each other off too much to bang each other again. I was talking about before and how sex with her was, like, heaven. It was…an experience.” He closed his eyes, and AJ snickered at the expression on his face.

“Okay, and then what?” Howie asked, interrupting Nick from his zen thoughts of sleeping with Spencer.

Nick’s eyes popped open, and there was a sly smile on his face. “And then I kissed her in the rain the other night.” His face took on a sloppily drunk, foolishly dreamy quality as he remembered the incident again. “Oh, yeah, I kissed her. She’s, like, the only woman I ever saw fireworks with. You know those fireworks?” he asked the other men. “The ones behind your eyelids and they’re all like whoa. I used to always get them with only Spencer.”

“And you got them again?” Brian asked.

“Definitely. It was that whole experience again, but…” His face fell a little. “Can’t go around kissing the ex, right? I’m getting married!” He leapt up off the chair and stumbled back into the party. “I gotta celebrate my freedom while it lasts!”

When he was happily grinding with one of the dancers, Howie, Brian, and AJ all exchanged knowing looks and sighed. It had been inevitable that putting Nick and Spencer together in one place for a prolonged period would result in something happening. They just hoped that, when the dust settled at the end of the week, no one would be hurt too badly.
Chapter Eleven: Sweet Misery by starbeamz2
Author's Notes:
Hi again! I know this story is being updated FAST for me, but I hope you'll all enjoy this chapter, especially. I know some of you have been asking about it, so here it is...
Sydney checked the clock and noted that it was nearly one in the morning.  Grabbing her phone and hoping either Baylee or Mason were still sober enough to help, she dialed their numbers.  Baylee didn’t pick up, but, on the third ring, Mason did.

“Sydneeeeeeeeeey! Hey!”

She clamped down on the urge to giggle at his extremely cheerful voice.  “Hi, Mason.  Let me guess, the party’s still going on?”

“Oh, yeah, it definitely is.  Good thing I’m drunk because watching my dad get all those lap dances would’ve made me die of embarrassment if I was sober.” He whistled a little.  “But, ya know, I can’t blame him.  That brunette is pretty hot.”

There was a pang in her heart at his words.  She frowned over it for a moment then shrugged it off.  “How many lap dances have you had?”

“Only one.  It’s not all it’s cracked up to be.” His voice slurred a little.  “So whatcha calling me for in the middle of all this drunken debauchery?”

“Is my dad still there?”

“Lemme check.” There was a short silence before Mason spoke again.  “Uhh, yep. He’s still here.  He’s chilling with Uncle Brian and Jacob.  I think he said something about leaving soon because he’s got a meeting in the morning.  How come you wanna know?”

“Mason, I know you’re drunk, but remember the plan?” Sydney nearly tapped her foot in impatience.  “You have to let me know the second my dad leaves.  I already made sure my mom is staying up to watch out for him because I’m so worried that he’ll hurt himself when he comes in drunk.”

Mason giggled.  “Sydney, you’re too funny.  You really think all your scheming is going to change something that hasn’t changed in over twenty years? Do you really think you’re Wonder Woman or something?”

“Excuse me?”

“Nah. Forget I said anything.  I’ll buzz you back when your dad leaves.  Gotta go check out the patriotic redhead.  She’s got the flag painted on her in some pretty great places.” He whistled appreciatively.  “See ya.”

When the call ended, Sydney frowned down at her phone.  If Mason didn’t come through for her, she was going to pretty annoyed.  No matter how uncooperative he was sometimes, she’d always counted on him to help her out in the end.  This time, she hoped, would be no different.

“Patriotic redhead my ass,” she muttered before flopping onto her bed to plan and pray.


***

Spencer’s eyes were drooping as she tried to concentrate on the page of the book she was reading.  It was one of her favorite novels and usually kept her attention no matter how many times she read it, but, this time, she was just too tired to stay awake.  The day at the amusement park and the argument with Nick had been more draining than she’d thought.  All she wanted to do was fall into bed and sink deep into sleep.

Unfortunately, she couldn’t do that.  Not until Nick came home.  Sydney had begged her to stay awake and make sure that Nick made it into bed without hurting himself.  Apparently, her daughter hadn’t felt well, and Spencer had been left to deal with drunk Nick.

Whenever he came home, that is.  Which could very well be at dawn.

“Forget this,” Spencer muttered as she pushed herself out of the armchair she’d been curled up in for the past couple of hours.  Nick was a grown man, drunk or not, and could probably find his way to bed on his own.  Probably.  Tucking the book under her arm, she started out of the den, making sure to turn off the lights.

Halfway up the stairs, she saw the flash of headlights wash through the windows on either side of the front door.  Closing her eyes briefly in resignation, she turned and headed back down.  Before she could reach for the doorknob herself, the door opened, and Nick stumbled inside, waving over his shoulder.  When he turned back, he nearly tripped over Spencer.

“Whoops!” He steadied her and barely managed to do so for himself.  “Sorry.  Didn’t think you’d be there.” He smiled cheerfully and ran his fingers through her hair.  “Pretty hair.  Did I ever tell you you’ve got the prettiest red hair that I’ve ever seen? I’m glad Sydney got your hair.” He leaned back against the door and fell backwards when it moved until it closed.

This time, Spencer reached out to grab him before he could fall.  By the time he was standing again, he was giggling foolishly.  The sound made her lips want to curve into a smile, but she firmly kept them straightened. “Jesus, Nick.  How much did you drink?”

“Lots,” he answered between giggles.  “Lots and lots.  It was a great party, great booze. There were lots of pretty girls, too.  Prettier than you,” he added.

“Well, that’s to be expected,” she muttered and held out a hand.  “Let’s go, Nick.  Up to bed with you.  I hope you have a killer hangover in the morning to make me feel better.”

Nick stared at her hand then up at her face.  “Y’know, even when you’re mad, you’re so goddamn beautiful.  I’ve never met anyone that makes me want to kiss her because she’s so fucking hot when she’s mad.  But you.” He whistled and grinned.  “I always thought you were the hottest thing when you were mad.  Like now.”

She couldn’t breathe.  Surely all the oxygen in the house had just disappeared because she was having trouble catching her breath.  “What?” was all she could manage to say.

Nick caught her face between his hands and kissed her enthusiastically.  Her legs turned to jelly at his touch, but she fought to stiffen them.  This was drunk Nick, she reminded herself.  He had no idea what he was doing.

“Nickolas.” She shoved clear of his reach.  “You are seriously drunk, and I doubt you’ll like knowing you said those things to me.  Or that you just kissed me. You’re better off going to bed.  Now.”

“Aww, Spencer, there you go again.” He stepped closer and was too inebriated to realize that she’d taken a step back in retreat.  His fingers trailed softly over her cheek, even as his eyes fluttered close.  “I would know this face anywhere,” he murmured quietly and had her heart racing faster.  “These gorgeous eyes that show everything you’re feeling.  This cute little nose…your lips.” He traced them gently and didn’t feel the way they trembled under his touch.  His eyes opened and looked deep into hers. “No matter how mad I am at you, I always want you.  It’s always you, and I can’t get away from you.  You’re inside me, Spencer.  You always have been.”

Spencer was immensely glad that her back was to the wall because it was the only thing that kept her standing.  “Nick, don’t do this.  You’re going to regret it.” In contrast to her heating skin, her voice was cool and clipped.

He sighed gustily.  “And then there’s that.  You never ever really listened to me, did you? You always thought I was joking or being stupid when I was serious.  Why couldn’t you ever respect me, Spencer? That’s all I really wanted from you, and you never did.” His eyes, though blurred by alcohol, were still serious.  “I couldn’t stand that you didn’t respect me.”

“That’s not true.” She took his hand and squeezed it without thinking.  Had he really felt that way all those years ago? “That’s definitely not true, Nick.”

“Forget it.” He waved it off.  “That’s in the past, right?” He started to step back, to turn away, but the effects of too many shots and too much hard partying was finally taking its toll.  His knees seemed to drop out from under him, and he barely felt it when Spencer quickly moved to prop him up before he fell face-first onto the marble tiles.

She dragged his arm heavily over her shoulder.  “Okay, that’s it.  We’re going upstairs and getting you into bed,” she told him in a matter-of-fact tone that didn’t betray any of the nerves she was feeling.

Carefully, step by painful step, they climbed the steps.  Neither of them said a word, though, at one point, Nick stopped to bury his nose in her hair and murmured incoherently.  Spencer tried not to let the gesture affect her and concentrated on getting him down the hall to his bedroom.  Each step felt like an eternity to her, and she was never so glad as when they finally made it into his bedroom.

Nick managed to step out of his shoes without tripping, and Spencer guided him towards the bed.

“Almost there, Nick,” she muttered.  When she felt his body go slack, she shook him a little.  “Stay awake.  Come on, don’t fall asleep on me.  We’re almost to your bed.”

Nick couldn’t feel anything but the wonderful feeling of having her by his side and the queasiness in his stomach.  Forcing himself to concentrate, he kept his weight off of hers as much as he could as his stomach pitched and rolled uneasily and hoped he wouldn’t be sick until morning.  It wouldn’t exactly please her if he threw up all over her.  Not exactly romantic, he thought fuzzily.

“Here we are,” Spencer announced when they stood next to his bed.  “In you go.”

Nick glanced at his bed and thought it looked heavenly.  He tried to untangle himself from Spencer’s hold, but he wasn’t quite as steady as he thought.  “Whoa,” he managed as he tripped over his own feet and, his arm still hooked around Spencer’s shoulders, took her down with him.  “Sorry,” he mumbled as he blinked into her face when she was sprawled under him.  Gosh, she was pretty and all warm curves under him, he couldn’t help but think.  Though she was struggling to push him off her, he stopped her with the brush of his lips over her neck.  “Mmm, Spencer.”

His eyes closed in pleasure as the scent and taste of her seemed to flood his senses.  He didn’t notice when her struggles ceased or when she stopped resisting his touch.  It occurred to him that there was something wrong with rolling around in his sheets with Spencer, but he couldn’t quite remember what it was as he craved the feel of her skin and hungrily closed his mouth over her breast.  He never noticed when he kicked off his jeans or stripped away her robe, but he reveled in the sensations she brought to him.  The last thing he remembered before he went blissfully under was thinking that being inside Spencer felt like coming home, and he’d been waiting to do so for far too long.

***

Sunlight warmed his eyelids, and Nick could feel the red heat from its rays burn into the dull, throbbing pain in his head.  It wasn’t the worst hangover he’d ever had, he decided, when he realized his stomach felt fine.  But, he still wasn’t quite ready to open his eyes.  He let his mind drift over the past night’s drunken escapades and, though it took a good deal of effort, his lips curved into a grin.

He was glad he had such good friends.  His bachelor party had been one for the books, he thought and began to stretch his arms.  Then froze.

His eyes snapped open to look down into Spencer’s sleeping face.  Her expression was so peaceful as her dark lashes lay against the pale, creamy skin of her face.  There was a faint smile on her lips as her breath softly fluttered from between them.  Her head was tucked into the curve of his shoulder.  His arms were wrapped around her, and he found that he liked the feel of having her curled against him.

His mind rushed backwards to try to figure out what had happened to result in the two of them ending up this way.  He found that he remembered coming home to find her standing in the front hall, he remembered kissing her there.  Though he couldn’t quite remember what he’d said to her, he could recall the way she’d helped him up the steps and into his room.

“Oh, jeez,” he muttered under his breath as he remembered falling into bed with her and kissing her.  After that, all he could call up in his memory were the sensations of moving with her in the dark, feeling their mutual pleasure, and sinking into oblivion wrapped up in her arms.

Nick let his eyes drift over her face again before he decided he should probably move.  He vaguely recalled that there was a meeting he couldn’t be late for, and he didn’t want to be in bed when Spencer woke up.  That was one sticky situation he desperately wanted to avoid because he had no idea what he’d say or what her reaction would be.  As far as he knew, she hadn’t been drunk, so why had she allowed him to touch her, to make love with her?

Shaking off troubling thoughts, he shifted, and his hands brushed over her soft skin.  He had the sudden urge to wake her into mindlessly making love with him again, but he resisted.  He carefully slid away from her and out of bed.  He breathed a sigh of relief and massaged his temples where his headache now centered.  As much as he might have liked waking up with her in his arms, he couldn’t do it again.  He was going to get married to someone else, someone he’d promised to love, and he had no right to go around sleeping with Spencer.

In the end, he knew, it would end up hurting both Cara and Spencer.  He was tired of hurting Spencer, and he had absolutely no desire to hurt Cara.  He had a life to get started on, and it was time he did that.

With one last glance at the way Spencer lay peacefully in his bed, he shook his head and walked into the bathroom.

***

Spencer’s eyes popped open and, for an instant, she thought she’d dreamed of making love to Nick.  Unfortunately, from where she lay, she could definitely tell that she wasn’t in the guest room down the hall.  She was in Nick’s room, in his bed, and, when she leapt out of his bed, she was relieved that he was nowhere to be found.

“What is wrong with you, Spencer?” she berated herself as she dragged on her pajama pants.  They’d been lying on the floor next to the bed, and she was mortified.  She couldn’t even begin to think about what Nick must’ve thought when he’d woken up.  “You had no business sleeping with Nick.”

Though a part of her reminded her of how good it had felt to have Nick’s arms around her, to feel his skin against hers, another, more rational part of her, argued that only a self-destructive idiot would keep falling for Nick Carter repeatedly.  She dragged on her robe and, her face tomato-red with anger at herself and embarrassment, made up his bed.

“He’s supposed to get married, Spencer,” she told herself as she headed for the door.  “You had no right to help him cheat on Cara.  God, what were you thinking?  No, wait. Scratch that. It’s obvious you weren’t thinking.” She wanted to beat her head against a wall but didn’t.  “Well, now you and Nick will just have to deal with the consequences, won’t you?”

She pulled open the door and stopped in her tracks.  Sydney stood, brows raised, at the top of the stairs and stared as Spencer stepped out of Nick’s room in nothing but her pajamas.  If possible, Spencer felt her face turn a darker shade of red as she began to stumble over explanations.

Her insides were doing wonderful flips as she watched her mother look embarrassed to be caught sneaking out of her father’s room at nearly ten in the morning in her pajamas.  Sydney resisted the urge to jump up and down in joy.  “It’s okay, Mom,” she said, cutting off Spencer’s babbling apologies.  “Don’t worry about it.”

Spencer had no words to say as she watched Sydney smile brightly and head off down the stairs.  It was obvious her daughter wasn’t going to dwell on the matter, so Spencer was going to work on forgetting it as well.

Unfortunately for her, she knew she’d never quite rid herself of the feeling of losing herself in Nick’s arms…
Chapter Twelve: Through With You by starbeamz2
Author's Notes:
Hey everyone! Thanks so much for all the fabulous reviews! There's only three more chapters after this one, so thanks for hanging in with this story! Enjoy...
Cara opened her door and blinked, surprised.  “Nick? Baby, what are you doing here?”

Nick shoved his hands in his pockets and struggled with guilt before he said, “I need to talk to you.  I know we agreed we wouldn’t see each other until Saturday at the church, but I really need to talk to you.”

His voice was serious enough that Cara stepped back and let him in.  She’d been in the middle of trying to finish up her latest strip of cartoons, but she thought the grim expression on Nick’s face was more important than the lives of her comic strip characters.  “You’re starting to scare me with that expression, Nick.  What’s going on?”

He didn’t sit next to her on her couch when she sat.  He was too nervous to sit and decided to pace her living room instead.  It was bright, bold, and colorful, just like Cara.  He hadn’t meant to come here and hadn’t meant to tell her, but he had to.  He knew that it would have been wrong to start their marriage with lies.  “I know this is going to hurt you, but I need you to know,” he turned to crouch in front of her so they were eye level, “that I never meant for any of it to happen.  I want to apologize ahead of time and to let you know that I don’t think I’ll ever be able to make up for it.”

Now, she was past scared and into terrified.  “Please, just tell me what happened.”

“I slept with Spencer last night.”

A shocked silence followed.  The green of her eyes darkened, and her breath hitched in surprise, shock, hurt; Nick couldn’t tell, and he was afraid of what she might say next.  This woman had been by his side for three years, during which he’d put her through a lot.  But never infidelity, he reminded himself.  He’d been uncharacteristically faithful to her, but all it had taken was Spencer Wilde to make him fall off of that wagon.

“Please,” he whispered, cautiously taking her hands in his own.  “Say something.”

Cara yanked her hands out of his and shoved him aside as she stood and moved to the far side of the room.  From there, she stared at him with dark eyes and pale skin.  “I should be surprised,” she said quietly, her voice expressionless.  “I should be seriously surprised and shocked that you slept with her, but I’m not.”

Nick straightened and shoved his hands back in his pockets.  He wanted to take the coward’s way and not look her in the eyes, but he didn’t.  “Cara, I don’t know how many ways I could apologize, but I know it’ll never be enough.  I-” He broke off when she held up a hand.

“You still love her, don’t you? In twenty years, she’s always been there in the back of your mind, in your heart.  Hasn’t she?” Her voice never lifted, but Nick felt guilt stab viciously in his gut.

“I don’t know.  Honest to God, Cara, I don’t know.” He shook his head, truly not knowing what lay inside of him for Spencer.  “All I know is that Spencer will always be something to me just because she’s the mother of my kid.  Past that, we’ve always had this weird thing between us, and I doubt either of us is happy about it.”

Cara hugged her arms around herself and rubbed her arms for comfort.  “What do you want me to say to that, Nick? That it’s okay that you have this strange attraction to your baby mama, even though we’re getting married? I want to marry you, Nick, you.  I don’t want three people in our marriage.  It’s got to be just you and me.” She turned away to stare out the window.  “I tried to tell myself that you were better than this, that you’d never betray me, that, even though Spencer was back in the picture, you would never do anything to hurt me.” She looked over her shoulder at him, her eyes saddened.  “I guess I was wrong.”

Nick took a step towards her.  “Tell me what you want now.  Please, I need to make this right for you.  I do love you, Cara, and I hate hurting you.  It would be stupid if I tried to use the excuse that I was too drunk to know better.  It won’t change the fact that I’m breaking your heart.  So, please, tell me how to fix it or make it better.”

She was quiet for so long, and Nick’s terror that things wouldn’t be the same grew.  Finally, she came back to sit on the sofa and patted the space beside her.  “Sit, Nick.” When he hesitated, she managed a small smile for him.  “I’m not going to yell at you, so will you sit?”

When he sat, Cara sighed a little.  “I’m not going to be able to forget about this, and I don’t know if I’ll be able to forgive you just yet for it.”

Nick closed his eyes briefly in relief.  He knew that expression in her voice.  She wasn’t angry with him, and she wasn’t going to throw him out.  “Okay,” he said carefully.  “That’s better than I deserve.”

“It definitely is,” she agreed.  “The thing is, Nick, I love you.  For better or worse, I’m in love with you, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.  I knew your reputation when we started dating, and I have to admit that I’m surprised you lasted three years without cheating on me.”

His brows shot up.  “Should I feel insulted?”

Cara smiled.  “Maybe, a little.  But it’s true, and, besides, you have no place to judge what I say at the moment.”

“True.”

“We’re supposed to get married the day after tomorrow, and I still want to marry you.  Part of me—a tiny part—is glad this happened before we got married.” She shook her head.  “I’ve seen the worst of you, Nick Carter, and you’d better thank your lucky stars I’m not getting out a gun and killing you for breaking my heart this way.”

Not caring that she would resist, he couldn’t help but scoop her up into his arms and hold her close.  “Everyday, for the rest of my life, I’m going to thank those lucky stars and God that you’re so wonderful.” He kissed her lightly.  “I love you, Cara, and I’m going to spend years making this up to you.”

She let her head rest on his shoulder and felt slightly better.  “It’s nice to know I’ll have a slave for a while.” Feeling the rumble of his laughter, she smiled and tried to convince herself that things would be fine now.

And didn’t believe it for a second.

***

When Spencer had finally gotten rid of enough mortification to attempt to show her face outside of her room, she found that the house was empty.  She figured that Sydney was at her internship, and Nick…well, she didn’t care where he was as long as he stayed away from her.  She was poison to his impending marriage, and she wanted no part in hurting Cara.  She seemed like a nice woman, and, as she’d had no objections to Spencer’s presence in Nick’s life and home, Spencer figured Cara had a heart of gold.  

She definitely wanted no part in breaking that heart.  Knowing Nick, he would succeed in doing so all on his own, but that would be between him and Cara.  But, there was definitely a way that she could help Cara out, Spencer thought.  If she took herself out of the picture, Nick wouldn’t do anything else stupid and ruin the best thing he had going for him.  So, maybe, it was time for Spencer to have a change of scenery.

Even as she turned to leave the kitchen to go up and pack, the phone in her pocket beeped.  Two beeps meant her office, and Spencer hurried to pick up.

“Hello, this is Spencer Wilde…Ryan, what can I do for you?” She listened carefully as one of her top assistant district attorneys explained the latest twist in one of the most convoluted Spencer had seen cross her desk in years.  “Okay, Ryan, let me get something to write on, and then you can give me all the details.”

She searched two of Nick’s kitchen drawers before finding a pad of paper and a pen.  Pulling out a chair at the table, she settled down with paper and pen.  “Okay, now, start at the beginning and give me everything we know about Mr. Hines’ business…”

Three hours later, Nick came home to find Spencer seated at his kitchen table and deep in conversation on her phone.  The table itself was covered in reams of paper, and he knew by the tone of her voice that it was someone from her office on the phone.  His back instantly went up as anger and annoyance prickled at him.

***

January 2008
Nashville, Tennessee


“Damn it, Spencer! You’re almost five months pregnant, and I don’t want you working like this.” Nick paced her tiny living room and tried to understand his stubborn, overachieving, workaholic fiancée.  “Stress is bad for the baby, and I don’t want something going wrong.  Why can’t you just try to understand?”

Spencer sat in an armchair, her hands folded over her rounded belly.  “I’m fine, Nick.  I don’t want anything going wrong, either, so I’m not going to be stupid enough to take chances.”

“Yeah, but how is getting no sleep and working round the clock on a goddamn case helping you stay healthy?” He turned on her, his blue eyes blazing with anger.  “Are you even eating three meals a day?”

“You’re not my mother, Nickolas, so don’t try to be.” Her own temper was straining, but she didn’t let it slip, knowing it would get ugly if it did.

He stifled the urge to scream and shake her.  If he’d had to fall in love with someone, he thought viciously, why on earth did it have to be a stiff-necked lawyer who never listened to him?  “I’m your fiancé! And that’s my kid you’ve got in there.  I have every right to make sure you’re doing things right and taking care of yourself.  I know that firm you work with has maternity leave, so why the hell can’t you take it?”

“Because I don’t have to!” she exploded, unable to keep up the choke-hold on her anger.  Now, she leapt up to get in his face.  “You don’t know what I can handle, but I do.  I know there’s maternity leave, and I thought about it.  There’re dozens of women who work right up until they give birth, Nick.”

“Yeah, dozens, but they’re not you.” He grabbed her hand, squeezing it hard enough to make her stop.  “I don’t care about any other woman, I care about you.  I’m going on tour in two weeks, and I don’t know how often I’ll be able to make it back to see you.  I just need to know that you’ll be fine, but, if you’re working yourself into exhaustion, that doesn’t count as fine to me.” His hand rested on her belly now.  “This is our baby, Spencer.  I need her to be safe and healthy.  I need you to be safe and healthy.  Please, just listen to me.  Just this once.”

Spencer softened a little, knowing that he really did care.  He just didn’t understand that her work was so vital to her life, too.  She would never take chances with their child, but he couldn’t seem to see that.  “My work is my life, Nick.  I’ve spent years trying to make my mark, and I’ve been allowed to head this huge case on my own.  It’s a huge opportunity for me, and I couldn’t just let it go.” She saw him open his mouth to retort, but she cut him off.  “I promise you this, though.  I’ll take care of myself.  I’ll sleep eight hours a night, I’ll take all of my vitamins, eat healthy, and not stress so much.  It’ll have to be enough for you, Nick.  Please.”

He sighed, knowing it was the best he’d get.  Right now, anyway.  “Okay.” He gathered her close and felt her arms come around him.  The bulge of her belly was between them, and he smiled when he felt their baby move inside of her.  

Things were going to be fine, he told himself.  They had to be.

***

Nick said nothing as Spencer continued to talk on the phone about extortion, blackmail, and burglary.  He half-listened as he moved around his kitchen aimlessly, his anger building up with every minute that passed.  It suddenly felt as though he’d been tossed back twenty one years to when Spencer would drop everything to take care of a case.  It had annoyed him when they’d been together, and it annoyed him now when they weren’t together but she was still doing it in his home.

Of course, on top of all that annoyance was the fact that he’d slept with her the night before, had hurt Cara in the process, and now had no idea where to go from here.

When she finally hung up and started to gather up papers, he didn’t say anything.  Spencer wondered why he was so quiet.  Was it because of what had happened between them the night before?  “Nick.” She turned to see him leaning against the counter, his eyes narrowed on her.  Her belly clenched for a moment.  “So, uh, how was your meeting?”

He lifted a shoulder.  “Fine.  It was for one of my newest artists, and he’s going to be a great addition to the Kaotic family.”

“Oh, that’s good.  Good for both of you.”  Then why was he burning a hole in her forehead with his eyes?

“Yeah, it is.  You know what’s better, though?” He straightened and took a step towards her, anger flashing in his eyes.  “I can leave work at work and not bring it home with me.  I’m not surprised you haven’t learned to do that yet.” His gaze swept over the papers scattered over his kitchen table.  “You’re still a workaholic, Spencer, and I hope to God that Sydney doesn’t turn into you.  I still can’t believe she wants to be a lawyer, but I hope she doesn’t ruin her life by burying herself in her work.”

Spencer grabbed onto the tail end of her temper as it rose.  “I know your opinion of my work habits hasn’t changed, Nick, and I still don’t think it’s fair of you to judge me.  So let’s just drop it, okay?”

“I just came back to my home and found your work everywhere.  It just became my business now, too, and I don’t like it.  No wonder you never married, Spencer.  It wasn’t the fact that you’re uptight and stuck up; it’s because a guy knows that, when he’s with you, he’s not your top priority.  You’re too in love with your work and yourself to give a guy the time of day.” Nick shook his head.  “I feel sorry for you.”

“Well, who the hell asked you to feel sorry for me?” she snapped.  “I’m happy the way I am, and I don’t need a man by my side.  I’m sorry that I worked in your precious home, and I didn’t mean to.  If I’d known you would ream me out like this, I wouldn’t have stepped one foot in this house last week.” She grabbed her papers and files and began to stalk out of the room.  Then stopped.  She spun on her heel and jabbed a finger in his direction.  “And, another thing.  Sydney won’t waste her life working with the law because she knows she’s doing something that helps people, and that’s what she wants.”

Nick snorted.  “Right.  Sure.  Helping people is fine, but what about enjoying life? Having fun? You haven’t done any of that in your life because all you ever do is work.  Was the law really worth sacrificing everything for, Spencer?”

Her vision blurred as her heart cracked.  This was a question she’d asked herself rarely over the past two decades, and, because she was unsure of the answer, it hurt that Nick would shoot it at her as well.  “You have no right to judge how I’ve spent my life.  Maybe I’m happy with what I’ve done, Nick.  Not all of us have the luxury of getting through life by singing a couple of pathetic love songs.” Her breath hitched as sobs built within her chest.  “You know what our problem was all those years ago? You know why we didn’t work out?”

“Yeah.” Nick ran a weary hand through his hair as his anger began to drain.  It always hurt to think about their past.  “Because you wanted and loved the law more than you wanted or loved me.  Your priorities were screwed up.”

Spencer stared at him for a moment then shook her head.  “No! Damn it, that’s the exact opposite of how it went.  You never once respected my work, my passion for it, and my need to make justice work.  You just saw it as a competitor for my attention, and you didn’t want me working because it took me away from you.” She laughed bitterly.  “How fucking ironic is that, Nick? Your work took you around the world on tours, and you spent days and nights in recording studios.  I never once gave you grief over that, did I? I always accepted it, and I didn’t mind that you were gone for weeks.  But you did care about how my work did the same, and you still do.” She rubbed her hands over her face, willing back her tears with great effort.  “And, like you could never respect my work, you never respected me either.”

“That’s bullshit,” he began, but she stopped him.

“That’s not bullshit.  It’s the truth.” Spencer was horrified as the first tear slid down her face.  “Damn it, I respected and still respect the hell out of you and what you do.  Your music touches people the world over and always has, but you could never see that mine does the same thing.” She swiped a hand over the tears that spilled down her cheeks.  “Why do you do this to me, Nick? Do you hate me that much that you feel the need to hurt me for even breathing the same air as you?”

He didn’t like seeing her tears, and the sheer misery on her face made something within him ache to just hold her and erase the pain.  In defense, his anger grew.  He shook his head.  “I don’t hate you, but you deserved the rest.  You’re allowed to love your work, Spencer, but you take it too far.  It didn’t have to take over your entire life.”

“Oh, like yours didn’t?” Fresh tears spilled over as anger and pain spiked within her.  “Being a Backstreet Boy defined who you are, Nick.  Don’t you dare deny it, either,” she snapped when he opened his mouth.  “Everything you are is because of your work and those four men you worked with.  You wouldn’t be the guy I wanted to marry all those years ago if your entire life hadn’t been shaped by your work.  Hell, you would never have come to Nashville if it hadn’t been for the Backstreet Boys.”

Nick couldn’t deny the fact that being one of the Boys had made him.  But, while he was still flying on temper, he didn’t want to admit she was right either. “Yeah, and if it wasn’t for Sydney, I would wish that I’d never stepped foot in that city.  The only good part about being with the bitch that you were—and still are—was the fact that I got my daughter out of it.  Otherwise, I wish I could erase you from my life, my world.  I’d definitely be better off.”

Spencer had no words, simply no words to respond with.  Her heart had just shattered into a billion tiny, sharp pieces, and every shard stabbed her.  Each breath she took was painful.  “I’m so sorry,” she whispered.  “I’m so sorry that I ruined your perfect life.  You couldn’t possibly know how badly I want the ground to open up and swallow me at this moment, so that I could be out of your way.”

He winced and felt horrible at the look on her face.  He knew he’d gone too far this time, and he wished he could take back the words.  “Spencer, I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean—I just—I’m sorry.  That was a really awful thing to say.”

“Don’t bother apologizing, Nick,” she said in a dull, hollow voice that scared him.  “I should’ve learned my lesson all those years ago.” She bent to gather up the papers that had fluttered out of her arms.  When she straightened, she looked him dead in the eye, and he could see the deep, dragging despair in her eyes.  “There’s just one thing you should know.”

“Spencer.” He stepped forward and reached for her, but she backed away.  If it hadn’t been for the fear and pain in her eyes, he would’ve pulled her close to him.

“You wanted to know why I never remarried, why I never found a man to spend my life with.  The answer to that is that I couldn’t give someone else my heart when it still belonged to you.”  She battled back the hysterical feeling that clawed up from her chest to her throat.  “I fell in love with you twenty two years ago, and, for some reason, I never stopped.  With all the hatred and all the anger you’ve thrown at me over the last twenty years, I should’ve stopped loving you, but I didn’t.  I couldn’t.” She let out a shaky breath.  “And, even now, even when you’ve gone and wished me dead, I still can’t stop loving you.  That’s my cross to bear, and I’ll do it.  But I’ll get out of your way, so that you can get on with your life.  Like you said, I have my work to comfort me.”

Stunned, Nick could do nothing more than watch her walk slowly out of the kitchen.  He could hardly believe her words, but he’d seen the truth of it in her eyes.  It made him feel like the most vile of creatures.

Spencer stopped in the doorway and looked back at him with unbearably sad eyes.  “Goodbye Nick.”

He stood where he was, unable to fully comprehend what had just happened between them.  He was still standing there when, twenty minutes later, he heard her footsteps and the thump of her suitcase on the stairs.  When he heard the front door close, he sank into a chair and wondered how things had gone so horribly wrong.
Chapter Thirteen: Torn by starbeamz2
March 2008
Nashville, Tennessee

I don’t know what I’ve done
Or if I like what I’ve become
Something told me to run and, honey
You know me, it’s all or none


Spencer hated the white walls, the white sheets, the white gown. She wanted to scream, she wanted to cry. If she could have, she would’ve run. The lack of color, of life gave her too much time to think, and not all of her thoughts were pleasant.

She wanted to not think.

But most of all, she wanted Nick here with her, amidst all the lifeless white. She wanted him to tell her things would be okay, that everything would be fine. More than that, she wanted him to not look at her with disappointment and hurt in his eyes.

Her hands were linked protectively over her belly, the diamond on her engagement ring glistening, as her eyes darted between the monitors hooked up to her and her belly. The pain was gone. The doctors had given her enough medication to numb the pain and prevent the miscarriage. It had been nearly twelve hours since she’d been brought into the hospital, bleeding and in pain, but she had yet to truly panic.

When the door to her room opened and Nick strode in, she wanted to leap out of bed and throw herself into his arms. One look at his face, though, had her back firmly pinned to the uncomfortable bed. Now, the panic came. His blue eyes, which she had come to adore in the last year, were blank, empty, and she felt something inside of her twist painfully.

“The doctor said you’d be fine at home with plenty of bed rest.” Nick’s voice was flat and emotionless. “He said the baby…she’s fine. Nothing happened to her. He told me the trauma of being assaulted caused a slight rupture, which is why you were bleeding.”

Spencer listened to him detail everything she already knew about why she’d ended up in the hospital. She knew he wasn’t saying it for her benefit, but for himself. He was trying to understand exactly what had gone wrong, and, with every word, the knife in her heart seemed to stab deeper.

“I can take you home now,” he finished, his face as expressionless as his voice.

She opened her mouth to speak, but a nurse bustled in. “Hello, Miss Wilde. My name is Alice, and I’ll be helping you get dressed. The doctor’s signed your release papers, so you’re free to go. As long as you stay in bed for the next few days to recover,” she added. Obviously, Alice had missed the tension in the room for she continued to chatter as she helped Spencer out of the hospital gown and into a pair of baggy sweatpants and a sweatshirt.

Nick simply stood by the window, staring off into nothing. He felt rage and helplessness. Terror and anger. Everything inside of him was one raw, pulsing tangle of emotions, and just looking at Spencer hurt.

She’d been assaulted by not one, but three, men. Men that were good friends of the creep she’d helped put behind bars in her first case. They hadn’t appreciated the fact that their comrade was in prison, and they’d come to seek their revenge. She’d been knocked around and left unconscious on the sidewalk until someone had spotted her and called for help.

He’d seen the purpling bruise on her jaw, the livid black eye, and the mass of ugly bruises rampaging up and down her arms. The hospital gown hadn’t hidden those, but he knew from the doctor’s reports that there were more that he hadn’t been able to see, like her sprained ankle or the lacerations on her legs. She’d needed twelve stitches on her right thigh.

Hurt and fury slammed into his gut viciously, and he wondered how he would stand to look at her. She who had stolen his heart and stomped on his trust. She who had placed herself and their unborn daughter in danger.

He’d warned her, and she hadn’t listened.

“Now, you make sure you rest, ma’am,” the nurse was saying when Nick turned to find Spencer standing by the bed, her hands firmly placed over her bulging belly. “I wouldn’t want you to lose that child.”

“Thanks, Alice,” Spencer murmured and watched the nurse go before she turned to Nick. “I’m ready.”

He didn’t say anything, just took hold of her elbow and guided her out of the room, down the hall, and onto the elevator. Inside, he wondered how he could stand to touch her, knowing what she’d done.

Spencer tried not to let it hurt. Nick was never one to keep quiet with her, but he was. He barely said a word on the trip to his waiting car or on the way back to her apartment. Even when she was at home, sitting on her couch, he said nothing. So, she decided, it would have to be up to her to take the first step.

“I’m sorry, Nick,” she said quietly. “If I could, I would go back and change things-”

“Change things?” He turned to stare at her, his anger already fueled by hurt and anxiety. “The only way to change things would be if you’d never become a goddamn lawyer in the first place.”

Her brows rose, her anger sparked, but she tried to stay calm. If not for her sake, for her baby’s sake. “So we’re back to insulting my profession, right? Nick, I don’t think you get what happened-”

“I don’t? Really.” Nick’s eyes flashed fire. “I think we both know that what happened was exactly what I told you would happen if you didn’t listen to me. And guess what, Spencer? It did happen!” His voice rose in fury. “You got hurt, and you damn near lost our daughter! Did you even once stop to think how I would feel if I lost either of you?”

“Oh, so it’s about you, now? Well, news flash, Nick: I couldn’t exactly hold up my hands in the middle of getting tossed about and say, ‘Please, sirs. My fiancé will be furious and hurt if you do this to me, so maybe it’s best if you just let me go and walked away please.’ Fuck that, Nick.” She didn’t bother keeping her voice low, and she ignored the burning pain in her side. “I didn’t become a lawyer, so that I could get myself beat up by the friends and families of those I prosecute. I did it because I wanted to fight for justice!”

Nick shook his head, knowing that they were getting nowhere with this argument. All the way over from China, he’d told himself that he would be calm and rationally talk this out with her. Now, he knew rationality was not going to be part of the situation. “Fine. You want justice? You want what’s right? You got it.” His shoulders slumped as he turned away, feeling horribly exhausted. “You’re right, I’m wrong. But, either way, we’re over. I’m done fighting with you.” And his heart was splitting into millions of pieces.

Spencer drew in one painful breath after another as tears pricked at her eyes. “So that’s it?” she asked in a hollow voice. “No trying to work it out, no struggling to see us make it work? You’re not even going to fight for us to survive?”

“No. I’m sick and tired of fighting. I don’t want to even count the number of arguments our kid has already heard in there.” He gestured to her belly and sighed. “I can’t be with you, Spencer. Not like this, not ever. I’m not going to spend my life regretting marrying you, and I don’t want our baby to grow up with parents like mine.” Nick ran his hands through his hair wearily. “You do what you have to do, and I’ll do what I have to. All I’ll ask is that you, please God, take care of yourself for the next three and a half months until our baby’s born. That’s it.”

She thought her heart had splintered into dozens of pieces, and every bit jabbed at her insides. Still, she lifted her chin and looked into his cold eyes. “I’ll take care of her. Better than before,” she added, seeing the disbelief in Nick’s eyes. Her own fell to the ring on her left hand. Feeling her breath hitch with every movement she made, she slid the diamond encrusted band off her finger and held it out. “Here. I don’t think I need it anymore,” she managed to say before pressing a hand to her lips to contain the sob.

Nick stared at her outstretched hand, at the ring in her palm. He wanted to throw it out the window, but he made himself pick it up without touching her. Slipping it into his pocket, he looked at her one last time before moving to the door. “I’ll call you later to make sure everything’s okay. You should have your mom or someone over to help you out.”

“I-I will,” she murmured, tears hazing her vision.

He stood in the doorway for long moments before nodding. “Bye, Spencer.”

The door clicked shut behind him.

“Goodbye Nick.”

There were sounds in my head
Little voices whispering
That I should go and this should end
Oh and I found myself listening


Nick found himself reliving that night, over twenty years ago, repeatedly. It was like a nightmare that he simply couldn’t wake himself from, and that parting scene quickly melted into the one he and Spencer had just had a few hours before. As hours passed, he sat, still as stone, in his den, unable to speak, unable to move.

He wasn’t sure if he was angry with her, with himself, or with the world in general.

I’m in love with you.

Spencer’s pained words played through his head constantly, like a grim soundtrack, reminding him of what they’d once had and lost. But, where he’d once blamed it all on her, he was coming to wonder if he’d been right to point the finger at her. Maybe, just maybe, it had been both of them that had been at fault. Wasn’t it possible—no probable—that they’d both done their fair share in bringing their relationship to a crashing halt?

When he grew tired of staring at the four walls of the den, he wandered out to the deck and watched the waves lap against the shore. Moonlight dappled over the darkened water, but Nick paid it no attention. Where the ocean would usually provide him with some measure of peace, that was not the case tonight. His thoughts were too tormented to take note of the quiet lapping of water or the gentle breeze that stirred the warm, humid air.

Spencer had wanted to marry him on a yacht in the middle of the Caribbean, Nick remembered as he watched the water. Despite the fact that she’d been raised away from an ocean, her love of it rivaled his own, and he’d been so sure that everything they had in common was because they were meant to be.

And, then, he’d been so adamantly sure that they were just too different to be.

When he closed his eyes, he saw her tear-filled eyes, the pallor of her face, and he could hear the way her voice had wavered as she’d said goodbye to him…

For the last time.

See I thought love was black and white
That it was wrong or it was right
But you ain’t leaving without a fight
And I think I am just as torn inside


“Dad?” Sydney stepped onto the deck the next morning to find Nick hunched over in one of the lounge chairs. His hair stood up at all angles as though he’d dragged his hands through it in frustration. When his head turned to face her, she nearly gaped at the expression on his face, the shadows under his eyes. “Dad, did you sleep? At all?”

Nick turned back to stare out at the brilliant blue of the ocean. “Don’t worry about me, Syd. I’ll be fine. Don’t you have to get to work?” His voice was scratchy, as though it had been years since he’d used it.

She stood quietly for several moments, wondering how to talk to him. She’d heard her parents’ argument, word for word, emotion for emotion. It had taken a lot of effort for her to stay still and not interrupt them. But, oh God, she thought, it had been horribly painful for her to sit there and listen to them rail at each other. The worst, she decided, was hearing her mother, her always so strong mother, weep and tell Nick that she’d always loved him.

“Are you going to be okay?” she asked now, reaching out to place a tentative hand on his back. When he didn’t move or respond, she sighed. “Daddy, I’m worried about you, about Mom. Tell me how I can help. Please.”

Nick heard the anxiety in his daughter’s voice, slipped an arm around her waist, and squeezed her close. “I love you, Sydney, and you know I’d never do anything to hurt you, right?”

“Of course.” She bit her lip nervously. “Dad?”

He’d heard the unspoken question in her voice. “Your mom and I have to figure some stuff out on our own, kiddo. I promise, everything will be fine.”

Sydney hesitated for a moment before asking, “And the wedding…?”

Nick was quiet for so long that Sydney thought he hadn’t heard her. Just as she opened her mouth to speak, his quiet response came. “It’s tomorrow. Just like planned. And the rehearsal dinner’s tonight,” he added quietly, wondering how he’d face everyone with their questioning looks. His friends would know immediately that there was something wrong. And Cara…

“It’s going to work out,” he murmured again, willing himself to believe it. But, even after Sydney had hugged him hard and left him with his thoughts again, the pain twisted horribly inside of him, and he wondered how Spencer could’ve lived with it for two decades.

***

“God, Mason, it was so hard to listen to them going at it,” Sydney whispered, her head resting against his shoulder. His fingers stroked soothingly through her hair. “I knew Mom loved Dad still, but hearing her…God, I never thought…”

Mason laced their fingers together and squeezed comfortingly. “At least they got it all out in the open, right? No more hiding their feelings. Now they just have to figure out what to do about it. Do you think your dad loves her back?”

Sydney was quiet for a while before she sighed. “I think he is, or at least a part of him is. It was really painful to watch him sit there, looking so tired and hurt. Mom won’t even pick up the phone when I call, and I know they’re both suffering.” She sat up and turned to face him. “There has to be something we can do to fix this.”

“Syd, come on. There’s nothing you can do now,” Mason began but she shook her head.

“Of course, there is! We can put them in the same room together somehow and see what happens. Dad knows how Mom feels, and things can’t get any worse than they did yesterday.” She gripped his fingers as her mind whirled with ideas. “He can’t marry Cara tomorrow. I don’t care what else happens, but he can’t just have that-that encounter with Mom and just go off and marry someone else.”

Mason took a deep breath to calm his irritation. Sydney never stopped, and he was definitely tired of her schemes. “They’re adults, Sydney. They know what they’re doing and what they’re feeling. You shouldn’t try to mess with their emotions anymore. It doesn’t sound like it would take much more to completely destroy your mother.”

“No, but, if she does break, wouldn’t it just be perfect if Dad were there? I mean, he could comfort her, and then, who kn-”

“Damn it, Sydney! Are you hearing yourself?” His voice was no longer calm, and his eyes were a flashing green. “These are your parents! Both of them are in pain, and you can’t go around playing with them again. It’s not a game. You need to stop trying to scheme and leave things to Fate now.”

Sydney glared right back at him. “Well, it’s not like Fate’s been very helpful in the last twenty years, has it? They wouldn’t have even had that argument if it hadn’t been for me pu-”

Mason simply leaned over and cut her off, pressing his lips to hers. For one, brief instant, Sydney froze, and then she responded. It wasn’t a long kiss; he hadn’t meant for it to be. When he let her go, he slid off the couch and went to stare out the window, his insides shaking from her impending reaction.

“Mason?” Her voice was tiny and surprised him.

Still, he couldn’t look away from the window. “Yeah?”

“Why did you kiss me?”

His fists were clenched so tightly, his nails were digging into his palms. “To give you something else to think about…and maybe, because I’ve been wanting to do that for a while,” he replied quietly.

He was so tense that his entire body jolted when she came up and wound her arms around his neck. There was a small smile on her lips, and he couldn’t help but stare, his heart pounding. “Do you think you could do it again?”

His smile was hesitant before his grin flashed a moment before his lips met hers again. “Absolutely.”

***

Spencer stared at the list of missed calls on her cell phone. He’d called her. Not once, but five times in the space of two hours. As much as her finger itched to call him back, she couldn’t quite get rid of the depressing pall that had settled over her ever since their argument nearly twenty-four hours before. Besides, he’d probably just called to offer her another trite apology, so very much like the ones they’d meaninglessly traded in the months after they’d broken up. What was the point?

There were so many reasons why she should call him back, she knew. But there was one, very important reason why she couldn’t.

He was still getting married in the morning.

She would save herself the pain of going to the wedding and watching him promise to love, honor, and cherish another woman, and she would save him the embarrassment of seeing her again after that awful scene in his kitchen.

Well, now he knew what she felt, and, now, she’d never be able to show her face around him again. It would just be too uncomfortable for them to be around each other again, now that he knew she’d pined after him like a lovestruck teenager and he’d never felt the same.

Spencer flopped onto her back on the cushy bed in her hotel room and stared at the ceiling. If she were super careful, she’d never have to see him again, she thought. Well, aside from Sydney’s graduations, wedding, and so on. But those events would surely happen far apart, right?

More time for him to forget Spencer.

When the pain pounded in her chest again, stealing her breath, she curled into a ball and let the tears seep from her eyes. She shouldn’t be doing this, she thought desperately. She was better than this. Was she really letting one man twist her inside out?

Yes. God, yes, she thought. Because Nick had always been in the back of her mind and in her heart for half her life. Even when they’d been apart, she’d always thought of him when she accomplished something. Hadn’t she dreamed of standing with him on his deck and toasting their professional milestones? Of course she had.

In twenty-two years, there had never been a day when she hadn’t, in one way or another, thought of Nick.

“No more,” Spencer whispered, sitting up, her hands still pressed to the dull throb of pain in her heart. She was going to move on. Finally.

He was going to be someone else’s husband in less than twenty-four hours, and she would have to bury all these feelings she had for him. Cara loved Nick, and she’d certainly done a better job of keeping him happy. She probably hadn’t hurt him, betrayed him, and caused him a moment’s pain.

Not the way she, Spencer, had.

She swiped at the tears on her face and tried to strengthen her resolve.

She’d get back in the dating game, and she’d stop thinking about him. And, maybe, one day, this terribly enormous need she had for him would fade.

One day…

Cause I don’t know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should
And I don’t know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
Cause she will love you more then I could
She who dares to stand where I stood

Lyrics from “Where I Stood” Missy Higgins



Chapter Fifteen: Someday We'll Know by starbeamz2
Author's Notes:
Hey everyone! I just wanted to thank all of you one more time for being such great readers and for coming with me on Nick and Spencer's journey. Your reviews have been super awesome and very supportive, and I can't believe this story has come to an end. *sniffs* I hope you enjoy this chapter!

The tie was strangling him—at least, it felt that way. Nick slid his fingers under his collar and tugged a little in an attempt to loosen it without ruining the hard work Kristin had done to tie him up in the first place.

“Nick.” Kevin stood behind him in the mirror, and Nick turned to face him.

“Yeah?”

“You nervous?”

He had to think about that one for a moment. His fingers were trembling, there was a constant clenching in his stomach, and he could’ve sworn his heart was dragging somewhere in the vicinity of his toes. “I guess you could call it that, yeah.”

“It’s normal, you know,” Kevin told him before reaching out to fix the tie and make it more comfortable. He placed his hands on Nick’s shoulders and looked him square in the eye. “You would tell me if something else was bothering you, right?”

“Yeah.” Nick took one shaky breath, then another. “I’d tell you, but I think I’m going to be fine. Everything’s going to be fine.”

Kevin’s eyes seemed to assess his every feature before he nodded. “I know things with Spencer got out of control, and I know you spent yesterday as a wreck.” Nick didn’t bother wincing as he knew Kevin would’ve figured it out one way or another. He hadn’t exactly been jovial at the rehearsal dinner the night before. “I just want to let you know that, no matter what you do from here on out, you can rely on me. I’ll support you in whatever decision you make.”

“Kevin, I already made my decision.” Nick glanced around the small anteroom at the church where the other guys and his brother, Aaron, were waiting with him before the ceremony. “I know what I’m doing.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yes,” he answered firmly. “Spencer is the past, and Cara is my future. I’m going to thank her every day for the rest of our lives for taking me back, despite the stupid mistakes I made this week.”

Kevin smiled a little. “She’s a great woman.”

“And I’m going to go out there in ten minutes and marry her,” Nick added, trying to infuse enthusiasm in his voice. “Unless I have a heart attack from these nerves.”

“You’ll be fine,” Kevin assured him, patting his back. “And I’m proud of you. This can’t be easy.”

Nick knew what Kevin meant, and he couldn’t quite meet his friend’s eyes. “It’s not, but nothing in life ever is. We should know that better than anyone,” he said quietly. Looking up now, he pasted on his brightest smile and hoped it reached his eyes. “I can’t believe this day is finally here, though. I thought it would never happen, you know.”

“You were just waiting for the right woman,” Kevin told him with a smile. “Cara’s here now, and I know the two of you will be very happy together.”

Yeah, Nick thought fifteen minutes later. Even if he had to force every last thought and memory of Spencer into a box and padlock it shut, he was going to make sure that none of the past ever came out and hurt Cara again.

He stood in front of the church, Aaron and Kevin on one side, the reverend on his other. The small church was full of friends and family, and he spotted Kristin already dabbing her eyes with a handkerchief. He grinned; she was practically his mother and big sister all rolled into one today.

Glancing around the room in an attempt to distract himself from his nerves, he noticed Brian frowning as he murmured into a cell phone. His eyes flicked up to meet Nick’s briefly before looking away again. Nick idly wondered what that was all about, but Brian was forgotten when he spotted Sydney.

His daughter looked absolutely beautiful today—though Nick thought she was always beautiful—but, as she leaned against Mason’s shoulder, he could see the miserable expression in her eyes. She was undoubtedly upset about whatever had transpired between Nick and Spencer, and he felt guilt swamp him. When her eyes met his, she tried to valiantly summon up a smile. When it didn’t quite work, his guilt intensified.

“Nick, what’s wrong?” Kevin whispered, having seen the saddened expression on Nick’s face.

“Nothing,” he whispered back. Nothing was wrong. Everything was fine. He was marrying the woman he was meant to marry, and there was nothing wrong with that.

His eyes flicked up to the doorway when Cara’s best friend and maid of honor bustled down the aisle in her butter yellow bridesmaid’s gown. When she reached Nick, she grabbed his arm and tugged him close so that only he would hear her words. “Cara wants to talk to you. And, no, I don’t know why, and I told her it was bad luck, but she won’t budge. Come on,” she added, pulling him a little.

Nick frowned, but he followed her anyway. He could hear the murmurs from everyone in the pews and knew they were all staring, all wondering what was going on. If he’d had any clue, he might have told them. But, as he approached the door behind which his bride stood, an unsettling feeling began to grow within him.

Taking a deep breath, he pushed open the door and stepped inside, his face lighting up with awe when he saw her. “Cara?”

She managed a tiny smile and pushed the fingertip veil off her face. “I know this is horribly bad luck, but we need to talk.”

***

Spencer, it’s Brian. Again. For like the five thousandth time. I know you’re getting these messages because I’ve never met anyone more meticulous about checking messages than you. I love you, and I need to talk to you. Call me back, please. I’m worried about you. Please, talk to me.

Spencer turned the phone off and sighed as she slid it back into her pocket. There was no way she could call him back today. Maybe tomorrow…No, she thought, it would be better to call him on Monday. By then, maybe this horrible weight that had settled in her chest would have disappeared.

She barely glanced at her packed bags as she went to the window. From there, she could see the brilliant blue of the Gulf of Mexico and torture herself one more time about how close she had once been to having Nick. Though it had happened years ago, she couldn’t forget it. She’d never forget it for as long as she lived. Pretending that she had forgotten really hadn’t done her any good at all. Now, the best thing she could for him was exactly what he’d wished: erase herself from his life.

And she would. Starting now.

When the call came from the front desk that her cab was here, she picked up her bags and took the first step towards doing just that.

***

The heat was vicious, and Nick suddenly wished he’d thought to take off his coat at least. He’d been in such a hurry to leave that the thought hadn’t crossed his mind. Now, he was stuck in a traffic jam in the middle of Tampa and had to clench his teeth together to keep from screaming. The air conditioner in his top of the line car had stalled on him, which was his own fault because he’d forgotten to get it repaired weeks ago.

His leg jiggled nervously, and he wished the traffic would just disappear from the road ahead. He tried to count to a hundred to calm himself down, but it didn’t work. Instead, the conversation he’d had with Cara played back to him like a movie in his head.

“I thought I should let you know that I heard about what happened between you and Spencer on Thursday,” Cara began, her fingers twisting a piece of lace in her hands.

Nick felt his stomach drop to his knees. “You did?” he whispered. “How?”

“Sydney came to see me last night, after the dinner. She knew I’d seen that something was off about you yesterday, so she told me about your argument. She said that I deserved to know.” Cara paused for a moment, unable to meet Nick’s eyes. “I think, for the first time since you told me about Spencer in the beginning of our relationship, I finally understand how she must feel.”

“What…” Nick’s breath shuddered out nervously from between his lips. “What do you mean?”

She looked up at him then, her green eyes sad. “All I’d ever heard about her was from you, which meant that it was all biased. When Sydney told me nearly word for word about the argument, my heart broke for Spencer. I didn’t know that you could be quite that cruel, Nick.”

He winced. “I know, and it was stupid of me to say the things I said to her.”

“Which is why you spent yesterday in a really foul mood?” she asked quietly.

He nodded, wishing he were anywhere but having this conversation. “Yeah. I felt like the biggest asshole imaginable, and I still don’t feel right about it. But there’s not much I can do to fix it.”

“Yes, you can.” Cara’s face was serious and determination gleamed in her eyes. “I don’t know Spencer, Nick, but I know you. If you were ever half as passionate when you fought with me, I think I would’ve died from the heat. I’ve never once seen that side of you; never realized it was there,” she added with a sad smile. Then, her lips firmed into a straight line. “You can’t marry me, Nick.”

His jaw dropped. “Cara! What? I don’t-”

“You can’t marry me,” she repeated, “because you’re not mine to have. I don’t have any right to you, nor has any other woman had any right to be with you in the last twenty years.”

“Cara, what are you
talking about?” His voice rose and sounded slightly hysterical.

She simply smiled. “It’s always been Spencer, Nick. Always. And you are the blindest, most idiotic man I have ever met because you never saw that. I don’t know what happened all those years ago between you two, but I know this: you can’t run anymore. Unless you run to her,” she added with a smile.


And that’s exactly what he was doing now, Nick thought as he took the first exit that appeared. He sent his car hurtling down the streets of downtown Tampa to reach Spencer’s hotel as soon as he could. There was an urgency in him he couldn’t quite suppress, and it made his foot press harder on the accelerator.

When he spotted the entrance to the hotel, he swung into the drive, tossed his keys to a valet, and bolted inside. He headed straight for the front desk.

“Spencer Wilde. I need her room number please,” he quickly told the receptionist.

“I’m sorry, sir,” he was told. “Miss Wilde checked out about an hour ago.”

***

Okay, so she was on her way to the airport, Nick thought wildly, as he swung his car onto the highway again. At least the traffic towards the airport was light. Besides, her flight probably didn’t leave for another hour or so. Spencer always got to the airport way in advance, and this time probably wasn’t any different.

When he remembered that he had no idea which airline she would be leaving on, he whipped out his phone and dialed Sydney. When she picked up, he didn’t bother to listen to the dozens of questions that she tossed at him. “Syd, I’ll tell you later. Just tell me what airline your mother would use. Hurry.”

“Dad, what-” But she stopped when he snarled at her. “Okay, um, Delta. Positive.”

“Great, bye.”

Snapping his phone shut, he tossed it onto the passenger seat and sent his car screaming down the expressway, hoping that he wouldn’t get pulled over for speeding.

At the airport, he hurriedly parked his car in the half hour parking lot and dashed for the Delta Airlines terminal. He couldn’t be late, he kept telling himself. There was plenty of time, and Spencer wasn’t quite out of his reach yet.

But if she wasn’t there…

He knew he’d never be able to work up the courage to go all the way to Nashville and spill his heart onto her hands. Cara’s words were his impetus, pushing him to follow his instincts and go to Spencer. If he failed…

No, Nick thought forcefully, as he stopped in front of the display screens, listing every flight departing from the terminal. His eyes skimmed every column for the one headed to Nashville, and his eyes lit up when he spotted it.

In the next second, his heart splattered on the floor at the words listing the flight’s status.

In Flight.

No.

No.

There was a buzzing sound filling his ears. He didn’t feel the people brushing past him nor did he register the voice of a security guard asking him if he was alright.

Spencer was gone, and he’d missed his chance to get her back. For over two decades, he’d denied his feelings to himself, telling himself that there was no way he could be in love with Spencer because she was a terrible person. She’d hurt him, betrayed him, and couldn’t possibly care about him.

All it had taken was one short week to prove to him how wrong, how stupid, how useless all those excuses had been. Because, in the end, he’d realized that he was, and always had been, in love with Spencer Wilde. Not that there was anything he could do about it now, he thought, the emptiness within him threatening to consume him.

She was gone.

He was alone.

Their fairytale had no happy endings.

THE END.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Just Kidding! Did you really think I'd leave it like that? Nope. One more chapter, and then it's truly over. Thanks for sticking around =)

Chapter Sixteen: Just You and Me by starbeamz2
Author's Notes:
Yay! We've finally reached the end! This chapter is longer than usual, but I'm pretty proud of it. Let me know what you think of it and the entire story. Oh, and enjoy!

The band was loud, raucous, passionate, and completely awesome.  They’d already won a Grammy the year before for their debut album, and, now, they were well on their way to recording their second, far more successful album.  The bassist’s fingers were sliding along in perfect rhythm with the drummer, while the lead singer bounced on his toes as he strummed ecstatically on his guitar.

Cara sat in the sound booth, her fingers busily rushing across the pad of paper in her hands. Around her, several more sketches were spread across the counters.  All black and white pencil sketches, they awaited the band’s selection and approval before she would start on adding color.

When the song ended, she finished the latest sketch with a flourish and lined it up with all the others.  The door to the booth opened, and Nick breezed in, a grin on his lips, though she noted that it didn’t quite reach his eyes.

She tilted her face up, a returning smile on her lips as he brushed his own over hers.  Squeezing her shoulder lightly, he plopped into the chair next to hers.  “So, what’d you think? Inspirational?”

“They were awesome.  I knew there was a reason why they’re on my favorites list on the car stereo,” Cara answered with a smile.  “I think they have another hit album on their hands.”

“Yeah, I think so, too.” Nick leaned back in his chair and watched as the three-man band that had taken over the charts seemed deep in discussion about something in the recording booth.  “The sound is so good that most producers don’t want to mess with it or mix it.  It’s pure perfection.  Pretty cool.”

She rubbed his shoulder comfortingly as his voice dulled a little.  It was doubtful that most people could hear that tinge of sadness in his voice, but it was there.  “Congratulations on yet another successful project, Nick. You needed this.”

His sigh was partly frustrated and partly tired.  Cara was right; he had needed something, anything to go well at this point in his life.  In the last couple months, nothing had seemed to satisfy him.  The Backstreet Boys had played a benefit concert at the end of August, and, where performing usually gave him a huge high, this time, it had left him feeling tired and old.  Even Sydney hadn’t been able to pull him out of his slump.  That, though, was probably due to the fact that, every time she would call Spencer, she would end up crying, thus making Nick feel even more miserable.

“Can’t you just go talk to her?” Sydney had pleaded with him repeatedly in the latter half of the summer.  “We’d all be so much happier if you did!”

He hadn’t gone to Nashville.  It had been over two months now, but he’d stayed in Tampa, preferring to wallow in his misery, rather than deal with its source.

“I guess I did need it,” he said now to Cara.  She didn’t respond, but her presence in his life—something he’d never thought would be possible after they called off the wedding—made him feel as though he wasn’t a completely lost cause. Yet.

An hour later, the band had taken off to catch a flight back to the next stop on their tour, and Nick walked Cara out to her car.

“Thanks for coming in and doing this for the group.” He shoved his hands in his pockets and leaned against a light pole.  “The album cover is going to be pretty great when it’s got color.”

She leaned against her car and smiled.  “Hey, I’m just doing my job, and the cover will be phenomenal when it’s done.  When has my work ever not been amazing?”

“Umm…never?” Nick suggested with a smirk.

“Ding, ding, ding! Correct answer.” She grinned.  “I’m just lucky enough that all three of those guys like my comic strip so much.  Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.”

“It doesn’t hurt that you’re a friend of mine either,” Nick added.  “Otherwise, it might have been hard for them to convince you to do their album art.”

She tapped a finger on her chin thoughtfully.  “Well…You have a point.  I guess I am pretty lucky that we’re so close.  Gives me easy access into your rock star lifestyle, huh?”

“Oh, yeah. I’m really a rock star these days,” he said dryly.  He hadn’t felt like a rock star in years.  At least, not since he had to get surgery on both of his knees in his mid-thirties, after which he pretty much lost all hope of being able to jump around and go nuts on stage.  “Anyway, I should take you out to dinner one of these days, as a thank you.”

“Oh, absolutely.  Because, you know, giving me this hefty commission clearly isn’t enough reward.” Her eyes twinkled in the glow from the setting sun.  “But, yes, we should grab dinner.  I don’t get to see you nearly enough these days.”

He shrugged.  “I know, but, between these guys recording the new album and my newest act in development, things have gotten kind of hectic.”

Finally, Cara thought.  He’d just given her a way into the conversation she needed to have with him.  “So work’s been keeping you busy, huh? Are you sure that’s all?”

“Yes,” Nick replied quickly then winced.  His answer had been too forced, and the look on her face told him that she knew it, too.  “Okay, it should be.”

“How long do you think you can go on like this, Nickolas?” she asked quietly.  “In the last couple months, I’ve watched you turn into the walking dead.  You look like you haven’t slept in years, and you barely eat anymore.  That’s not the Nick Carter I know.  I can’t stand seeing you like this.”

He sighed heavily and ran his fingers through his hair in a frustrated motion.  “It’s just the work, Cara,” he began but was cut off.

“Damn it, don’t lie to me, Nick! Not to me.” Her voice was soft, but he could see the hurt in her eyes.  “You love Spencer, Nick.  I know it, and that’s why I cut out my own heart and let you go.  Don’t you dare lie to me after what I did for you.  I just want to see you happy,” she added quietly.

Guilt swamped him again as it did often these days.  Guilt over the way he’d treated Spencer and guilt over the heartache he put Cara through.  Somehow, he thought, both women had still managed to love him despite his best attempts to hurt them.

“I’m sorry, Cara.  I am.” He reached out and took her hand in his.  “I guess I’m afraid of what will happen if I try to talk to her.  She was a wreck that last time I saw her, and that was because of me. I don’t want to hurt her anymore.  I wish I hadn’t hurt you either,” he said, softly squeezing her hand.

She waved it away.  “I’ll get over it, but you, on the other hand, aren’t getting over it.  You won’t get over it until you find some sort of closure, whether it’s getting back together with the love of your life or resolving things with her in order for both of you to move on.”

“I know-”

“Then you must know that I’m going to pester you to death until you go to Nashville and see her.  I’m tired of seeing you like this, and I’m sure Spencer is probably just as much of a mess as you are.”

“Yeah, right.” Nick snorted at the idea of Spencer being “a mess”.  She was always cool and composed no matter how much turmoil she was in on the inside.  “She’d never let anything like this get her down for long.  She’s probably moved on.”

“Why are you such a man?” Cara cried indignantly.  “That woman has loved you for over twenty years, for some reason that escapes me because you’re such an idiot.  From what I’ve heard, you’ve made her life hell every time the two of you were together for Sydney’s sake, and she still loved you.  What makes you think she’s going to move on any better now than she did in two decades’ time?”

Nick bit his lip nervously and remembered his hateful words from early July.  “Because I kind of told her I’d be better off if she were dead.”

Cara’s jaw dropped as her face paled.  For a few moments, her mouth just open and closed wordlessly.  When she found her voice, though, she let him have it.  “Just when I thought you couldn’t get any worse! My god, I am so damn lucky I got out when the going was good because who knows what you have wished on me? Nick, how could you be so heartless? Spencer gave you your daughter, she raised Sydney, she must have sacrificed a lot, and still you said something like that to her?”

“I know!” Nick shouted, his voice rising to meet hers.  “I know I was stupid, and I’m surprised that she didn’t just die on the spot.  I saw her face after I said it, and I would do anything to take it back."

“Then do it! Do something!” Cara tossed her hands up, frustrated.  “If you’re as sorry as you say you are, go to Nashville and apologize.  Tell her that you didn’t mean it, tell her you love her.  Maybe she’ll never forgive you, but at least there won’t be any arguments at Sydney’s graduation or wedding or something.  You know I’m right,” she added firmly.

He buried his face in his hands for a few moments.  The only sound was his ragged breathing.  Finally, he lifted his bloodshot eyes to hers and sighed.  “Okay.  You’re right.  I guess I’ve been pretty cowardly to just sit around and do nothing.”

“You were doing a pretty good job of being miserable,” she pointed out, but her tone was light and made him smile a little.

“True.  I guess,” he shrugged a little, “I guess I’m scared to face her.  I’m afraid of looking her in the eye after everything I’ve ever done to her.”

Cara wrapped her arms around him, hugging him tight.  “If she loves you as much as it sounds like she does, she’ll take you back.”

“Promise,” he whispered into her hair.

“Well, if I were her, I would.  She struck me as a pretty sensible person, so I think you’ve got a pretty good chance,” she told him before stepping back.  She smiled a little and patted his cheek.  “We’ll push that dinner off for another time.  Go get her, tiger.”

***

Spencer wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed and sink into deep, blissful oblivion.  Instead, she was pressed close to him, her arms wound around his neck, as his breath brushed over her hair.  His hands were settled on her waist, mere inches from where the back of her dress gave way to skin.  She was wearing the daring red dress she’d bought in Tampa for the first time, and, instead of the confidence the boldly sexy dress should’ve given her, she felt nothing more than drained.

She was empty.

When the song swelled to a close, she stepped away and let her hands remain in his.  “Thanks for the dance,” she said softly.

His lips curved in a smile as he leaned forward to brush them over her cheek.  “It’s going to be pretty dull without you, Boss.  You’re the best.”

She managed a smile and squeezed his hands.  “Thanks, Ryan.  Somehow, I think you’ll all muddle along without me.”

“More like hobble,” he joked before squeezing her into a hug.  “Don’t turn into a stranger, now, y’hear?”

She had to chuckle at the down home accent he exaggerated.  She was going to miss her assistant DA’s Yankee attitude for sure.  “I won’t, Ryan.  Thanks.”

When he moved on to dance with the new secretary, Spencer lifted her head and made her way over to where Donna, her best friend and stalwart secretary, was seated with a few others from the office.  She pasted a smile on her face for everyone else before she dropped into a seat next to Donna.

“Was dancing really that torturous?” Donna wondered, her eyes skimming over Spencer’s worn features.

“Come on, Donna, you know how tired I am,” Spencer began.

“Yes, I do, and I told you that you should take that test,” Donna interrupted firmly.  “Ever since that vacation, you’ve gone and lost weight, the bags under your eyes are enormous, and you’re not sleeping.  Honey, you can’t go on this way.”

Spencer sighed and fought not to rub her eyes.  It had taken her forever to use her eye makeup to conceal the bags Donna had spoken of, and she didn’t want to ruin it.  Instead, she ran her hands wearily through artfully tousled curls that were finally beginning to show hints of silver.  “Don’t get mad, D, but I threw up today, too.”

“That’s what, the sixth time in the last two weeks?” Donna clicked her tongue.  “Spencer, really.  Go see a doctor.  I told you what happened when my niece’s co-worker had similar symptoms and waited too long. Poor girl.”

“And I’m telling you that the stress is getting to me.  That’s all it is,” Spencer insisted.  “The transition is taking more out of me than it should, I guess.”

Donna shook her head sadly.  “And none of this strain comes from Sydney’s father, does it?”

“Donna-”

“If I ever see that man,” Donna continued on, unmindful of Spencer’s protest, “I swear, I will string him up by his toes and beat the living daylights out of him for putting you through all this trauma.”

“Donna, really. I’m glad that you feel so protective of me, but I’m going to be fine.  I suppose this last argument was my wake up call to just get the hell over the-” Spencer broke off when a few people from the Commissioner’s office came over to speak to her.  Sitting up and pasting a smile on her face, she tried to sound cheerful.

Twenty minutes later, thoroughly exhausted by the strain of acting happy and cordial and thanking everyone for their support, Spencer flopped into her seat again.  “This is ridiculous, Donna,” she muttered.  “I’m not dying, you know.”

“They just appreciate you, darling,” Donna replied, her hand patting Spencer’s shoulder.  “But, about before, I really think you should see a doctor or take the tests.  Preferably both.  I don’t want to see you get sick.”

“I’ll be fine,” Spencer began but broke off when nausea curled nastily in her belly.  

She must’ve turned green because, the next thing she knew, Donna was pulling her out of the reception hall and towards her car.  “Go home, Spencer.  Drink tea, and, for the love of God, make that appointment with your doctor. You can’t go on this way forever.”

Spencer didn’t bother to reply but nodded her head, climbed into her car, and sped off towards home, hoping that she wouldn’t have to pull over and throw up.  The illness was starting to worry her; or, maybe, it was just Donna’s stories about uterine cancer, colon cancer, and various other diseases that were starting to freak her out.  The trip to a doctor was starting to sound appealing.

The need to vomit everything she’d just eaten returned in full force the second she bounded into her home.  Kicking off her heels, she rushed to the bathroom and regurgitated the gourmet dinner that had been prepared in her honor.  When she thought she’d gotten rid of everything possible, she curled up on the floor by the toilet and wept.  After, she lay there, too emotionally and physically exhausted to move.

Though she didn’t want to dwell on it, her mind returned to thoughts of Nick.  She knew he hadn’t gotten married.  Sydney had told her as had the tabloid mentions of it.  Neither, though, had mentioned the cause for the cancellation.

Not that she was going to care, Spencer reminded herself forcefully.  She was done with Nick.  Over and done, and he was water under the bridge.  There was no use in crying over spilt milk, and she was going to scream if another stupid saying popped into her head.

No, the important thing was that Donna had been right.  She couldn’t go on getting weaker and sicker day by day.  The pounds were melting off of her, exhaustion ached in every bone, and the nausea had set in two weeks earlier.  Stress could be a killer, especially with the way her work was going, but she didn’t want to end up with an ulcer either.

Then again…

Pushing herself off the floor, she crept over to the drawers under the sink, not caring that she still wore the silk dress and was probably ruining it, and pulled out the box.  Staring at it for several moments, her breathing labored, she peeled it open.

Five minutes later, she stared at the results unblinking, wavering somewhere between shock and panic.  Her knees melted as she sank to the floor and wept again.

***

Nick stared up at the tidy house and hoped he was doing the right thing.  He was too damn old to be doing the wrong thing all the time, and it was about time something went the way he wanted.  Taking a deep breath, he walked up the pathway, climbed the porch steps, and rang the doorbell.

Several moments passed, and he wondered if she was even home.  One glance behind him confirmed that her car was still there, so she must be inside.  But, even as he rang the doorbell again, he realized that it was possible for her car to be at home without her…if she were on a date.

He should’ve known better, he told himself, than to think that she would sit around pining for him for another twenty years.  She was a strong, smart woman, and it would serve him right if she moved on when he finally realized she was his soulmate.  

His thoughts were cut off when the door opened, and Spencer gaped at him.  “N-Nick?”

Nick’s eyes swept over the low-cut dress and her tousled hair, thinking that she looked stunning.  Then, his stomach dropped as he wondered if there was a man in the house.  If he’d interrupted them-

His eyes met hers, and he could now see that they were puffy, swollen, and bloodshot.  There were dark circles under her eyes, and, when he looked closer, she seemed fragile and pale.  “Spencer.  A-are you okay?”

Her hand clutched the doorknob as she stared up at him in wonder.  Was he really standing on her porch or was she hallucinating? When she blinked furiously, trying to wake herself up, she came to discover that he was still there.  “Nick! What are you doing here?”

“I, uh, needed to see you,” he began nervously.  A gust of October air swirled around them, and Spencer wrapped her arms around herself and shivered.  He noticed and gestured inside.  “Can I come in?”

She swallowed hard, her fingers digging into her arms.  “Um, yes, o-of course.” She held the door open wider, letting him in, then led him to the parlor.  When they were seated, she remembered how exposed the dress left her.  Her arms tightened around herself as hysteria began to bubble in her throat.  Somehow, she managed to speak clearly.  “Why are you here, Nick? I thought we’d said all that needed to be said a few months ago.”

He tried not to think about how sick she looked in the lamplight, but he couldn’t help it.  He just wanted to pick her up and hold her close.  “There was a lot that wasn’t said, Spence.”

Spencer closed her eyes briefly against the pain the nickname brought her.  “Nick, I—this really isn’t a good time.”

His eyes narrowed on her.  “Are you sick? You look sick.  What’s wrong, Spencer?”

“Nothing,” she whispered, perilously close to tears.  “Please, can we do this another time? I’m sorry, but I really need to be alone.”

Nick reached for her, his fingers brushing over her hand before she retreated.  “Look, I know you’re angry with me, and you have every right to be.  I said some awful things, and I need you to know that I didn’t mean them.  I swear, Spencer, if I could take everything back…I would,” he finished softly, his eyes fixed on the mixture of emotions in her eyes.

She didn’t speak, couldn’t.  The hot ball of tears in her throat clawed higher, and she was sure she’d explode at any moment.  He couldn’t be around when that happened, she thought, panicking.  She had to get him out.

“Nick,” she began, trying to keep her voice steady.  “I’m sure you’re sorry, and I’d love to hear your apology, but not tonight.  Please, we can do this some other time, okay? How’s tomorrow sound?”

Her voice had broken at the end, and Nick moved towards her.  “Let me help you, baby.” His voice was gentle, and his hands were careful when he took hers in them.

The touch broke her.  Tears spilled forth as she laid her head on the armrest and wept more tears than she’d thought herself capable of.  Instead of backing away the way she thought he would, Nick simply picked her up and held her in his lap.  She tried to pull away, but he firmly kept her close against him as her painful sobs wracked her thinning frame.

What, he wondered, was happening to her? He was suddenly and deathly afraid she was dying.

It took her several minutes before she calmed down, and Nick’s agitation grew by leaps and bounds.  When she no longer shook with sobs, he let her go when she tugged out of his grasp.  He was ridiculously worried by the time she sat across from him again, her eyes redder than before, the gray so dark it looked black.  

“I-I’m sorry for that,” she said finally, her voice hoarse from crying.  “I really didn’t want you to be here for that-”

“Why not?” he wondered.  “You shouldn’t be alone when you’re that upset.  W-will you tell me what’s wrong? Because something’s wrong, and you can’t lie to me, Spencer.  We both know each other better than that,” he added when she opened her mouth to protest.

Spencer bit her lip, anxiety pulsing within her.  Finally, she took a deep breath and said, “I’m not sick, if that’s what you’re wondering.”

The relief made his shoulders sag, and he managed a small smile.  “Well, that’s really good news.  But it doesn’t explain why you look as awful as I feel.”

She opened her mouth, then closed it.  Then, thinking long and hard for a few moments, she opened it again.  “It’s a side effect,” she whispered, and Nick had to lean forward to hear her.  “I…Oh god, Nick, I’m pregnant.”

There was a moment of stunned silence.  They both sat, staring at each other, shock in their eyes.

“But you…I mean, you’re—Jesus, Spencer, you’re not exactly young anymore,” Nick blurted out after a moment.

She blushed red as her hair.  “I know! Don’t you think I know that? I wasn’t expecting this either, Nick!”

He was quiet again for a few moments before he cracked a tiny smile.  “Sydney’s going to be thrilled to have a little brother or sister.”

Spencer half-heartedly nodded, her hand unconsciously moving to rest over her lower abdomen.  “Yeah, I guess.”

“How long have you known?”

She glanced up, eyes sharp again.  “Well, aren’t you just full of questions?” Her anxiety over her condition quickly fading, she focused on Nick and the reason behind his visit.  “You haven’t answered a single one I’ve asked, and you think I’ll just answer all of yours?”

“Spencer-”

“Why are you here, Nick?”

“Are we ever going to have a conversation where we’re not yelling at each other?” he asked wearily, one hand rubbing at his temple.  “I didn’t come here to upset you or yell at you.  I came to apologize for…” He faltered, unable to meet her eyes.  “For what I said to you that day.  It wasn’t really how I feel.  Felt.  Actually, I didn’t know what I felt at all that day, and I really hope you’ll forgive me for hurting you.”

She was already softening towards him, and she knew it.  His eyes were so sincere as they pleaded with her, and his expression was so apologetic and cute, she wanted to throw her arms around him and beg him not to leave her.  “We both said a lot of things that I think we should just forget about.” She held out her hand warily.  “Truce?”

Nick looked from her hand to her face as a sly smile began to curve his lips.  Before Spencer could see it coming, he’d hauled her into his arms and held her tight.  

“Nick, what are you doing?” she asked indignantly, trying not to relish the feeling of being held by him.  “Let me go! I’m too tired to play your games.”

“This isn’t a game,” he murmured, his lips brushing against her ear, causing a shiver to race up her spine.  “I’m not letting you go again.”

“ ‘Again’?!” Spencer continued to struggle.  “What do you mean by that? When did you ever want me in the first place?”

He tsked a little and grinned when she tried to pinch him through the coat he wore.  “I’ve always had you, Spence, but I never realized it.  I shoved you away too many times when all I’ve wanted is to have you here, by my side.  Always.”

She went completely still at his words.  Then, in a trembling voice, she asked, “Wh-what do you mean by ‘always’?”

Nick leaned back a little, tipping her chin up gently to look into her wide eyes.  “Until I die.  Maybe even after that.  You know, I’m not so great in the romance department, and I don’t know how else to tell you that I’ve always needed you, even when I tried not to need you.  I know we’re halfway done growing old, and we’ve done it without each other, but I don’t want to grow old without you anymore, baby.”

A single tear slid down her cheek as she shook her head, disbelieving.  “Nick, I don’t—I don’t know what to say.  This summer, you told me you hated me, you wanted me gone, but, now, you’re telling me that you want me with you? I’m sorry, but I just don’t understand.”

“Yeah, I figured.” He pressed his lips to her forehead before launching into an explanation.  “When you were in the hospital when you were pregnant with Sydney, I was so angry with you because I thought that you didn’t care about me or our baby enough to take care of yourself.  I know we’d never talked about love, but it was just enough for me to know that you wanted to marry me.  I didn’t need you to love me back, the way I loved you.  But then, with everything that happened, I thought that maybe I was trying too hard to force feelings out of you that you didn’t have.  I was tired of fighting for a love that I wasn’t sure even existed, so I told you we should break up.” He sighed, lowering his head to rest his forehead against hers.  “I guess it confirmed that you really didn’t love me or care for me when you didn’t try to stop me. And that pissed me off.”

Spencer drew in a shaky breath before lifting her eyes to meet his.  “I did love you, Nick.  Always.  I thought that you walked away so easily because you didn’t love me, that you only loved our baby.”

His arms tightened around her.  “Well, we were both stupid and wrong, and I think we’ve wasted enough time apart.”

Her eyes darkened with emotion.  “Nick, what are you saying?”

“I’m saying-” He puffed out a nervous breath before stepping back until only their hands linked them.  “I’m saying that I’m in love with you, I’ve always been, and that I want to marry you.  For real this time.  I want to grow old with you, and I want you with me always.  Please, Spencer,” his voice lowered to a pleading whisper, “please say yes.”

She wondered how she would speak when she’d just been offered everything she’d ever longed for.  “I—Nick, are you sure?” She couldn’t bear it if she married him, and he turned her aside after a few years.

“Yes, absolutely yes.” His grip on her hands tightened as his eyes grew more intense.  “Spence, I’m through lying to you and fighting with you.  We’re too old to keep doing that, and I just want to be with you now.  I don’t care if I die tomorrow, I just want to know that you’ll have been with me.” He reached up to tuck her hair behind her ear.  “I love you, Spencer.  More than I knew, less than you deserve.  Marry me.” He smiled a little.  “Sydney grew up being shuttled between two homes, and I don’t want this next baby to have to do the same.”

Spencer’s brows lifted as she glanced down at her belly before looking into his eyes again.  She could see his heart in them and wondered if hers was swimming in her eyes, too.  “How do you know that this baby is yours?” she asked in a watery voice.  “It could be someone else’s.”

He chuckled at his, making her brows rise higher.  “I might have been an absolute moron before, but I’m not stupid.  Neither are you.  You wouldn’t have slept with some other guy any more than I could’ve ever married someone who wasn’t you.”

“You came close,” she pointed out stubbornly.

“Yeah, but then I didn’t,” he reminded her softly.

“Why not?” Spencer couldn’t help but cling to stubbornness.  It felt like all of her dreams were coming true, and she was afraid she’d wake up to find it all just that.  A dream.

Nick cupped her face in his hands, holding it as though she were made of fragile crystal.  “Because I love you, and only you, Spencer.  No matter how pissed off I was at you or you with me, deep down, I know we both knew that it’s always meant to be you and me.”

“Just you and me,” she murmured, her skin heating where he touched it.  Closing the distance, she pressed her lips to his and was swept up in his arms.

A long while later, she lay curled in his arms, his cheek resting against hers.  Their hands rested over her belly where their second child grew.  There was silence between them, but a good silence.  A peaceful one.

Then, Nick ruined it.

“You didn’t answer my question,” he reminded her, poking her lightly.

Spencer turned her head slightly, bumping his nose with hers.  “What question?”

“Will you marry me?”

“No.”

“What?! Spencer…” He came close to whining, and she couldn’t help but giggle.

“Gotcha.”

“You little sneak.”

“Yeah, but I’m your little sneak.”

“Yeah.  Mine.”

“Just like you’re my old creep.”

“I am not a creep!”

“But you’re my creep.  Don’t you want to be my creep, Nick?”

He drew her closer as warmth radiated in his heart.  “Yeah, I guess I do.  I love you, Spence. So much that I’m going to move up here.  From what I hear, you’re an awesome District Attorney, and I don’t want you to give up something you love and enjoy.”

“Oh, Nick.” She snuggled against him, feeling as though she were glowing; he had removed her every ache.  “That’s so sweet, but you’re not moving to Nashville.”

“Spencer, then how-”

“I resigned from my post.  It was too hectic and stressful, and, besides, I’ve always wanted to open my own firm.  So that’s what I’m going to do.” She paused.  “I hear they need good lawyers in Tampa.”

His heart thudded with joy.  “Yeah, they do.”

“Well, then, that’s settled,” she murmured.  Brushing her lips over his, she smiled.  “I can’t wait to be by the water again.”

“Yeah.” Love for her shimmered through him in intense wave after wave.  “I love you, Spence.”

She smiled and rested her head against his chest, feeling his heart beat.  “I love you, Nick.”

And they lived happily ever after…except for the not-so-occasional squabble.

THE END.

AN: Ta-da! There you have it, folks! The end...Was it the way you'd hoped? Was it surprising? Too rushed? Just right? Feel free to let me know! Thanks again for sticking by this story!

End Notes:

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