Summary: 
When you think of fame you think of stars. Of people who are known in the world, who have a lot of money and a bunch of friends.
But as good as it sounds – it’s not.
Nick Carter was used to getting what he wanted. Sex, drugs and rock'n'roll - that's the way he lived.
At least until Katelynn came into his life.
Would she change him in a way noone else was able to? Would she show him that there was more than fame?
Categories: Fanfiction > Backstreet Boys
Characters: AJ, Brian, Howie, Kevin, Nick, Other
Genres: Romance
Warnings: Sexual Content
Challenges: Series: None
Chapters: 11
Completed: No
Word count: 22522
Read: 17259
Published: 01/08/08
Updated: 02/21/08
Story Notes:
Please be gentle about my English! ;) I am German.
Reviews are very much appreciated! =)
Thanks for reading!
1. Prologue by Sweetyfranzi
2. Chapter 1 by Sweetyfranzi
3. Chapter 2 by Sweetyfranzi
4. Chapter 3 by Sweetyfranzi
5. Chapter 4 by Sweetyfranzi
6. Chapter 5 by Sweetyfranzi
7. Chapter 6 by Sweetyfranzi
8. Chapter 7 by Sweetyfranzi
9. Chapter 8 by Sweetyfranzi
10. Chapter 9 by Sweetyfranzi
11. Chapter 10 by Sweetyfranzi
When you think of fame you think of stars. Of people who are known in the world, who have a lot of money and a bunch of friends.
But as good as it sounds – it’s not.
You never know who your real friends are. Most of them just stay close to you because they want to be known as well, because they want to have a bit of your money.
I have no real private life and even if I do - noone believes me when I talk about it. They think they know me, my life and feelings. And they judge me for being someone I am not.
I hate that I have no time to myself.
Don’t get me wrong I love my fans but sometimes it’s annoying.
They seem to know where I am 24/7. I want to be there for them but I just can’t be. I don’t understand how someone can say “I love you” to somebody they don’t even know. It kinda scares me.
Like they say in that MTV show – you think you know but you have no idea.
I am thankful to all of them but sometimes I wish that I would still be unknown. Just me - Nick.
To tell the truth – I am lonely. Most people don’t seems to understand that.
Or do they know that I long for love? For true love?
I have dated a lot of girls but it never worked out.
They don’t understand that it’s hard for me to find the woman for life because I never know if she loves me for me or for what I am.
It’s just another proof that you can’t buy love.
This is the trouble with fame.
Chapter 1 by Sweetyfranzi
It was a warm sunny day. The sun was shining bright, you could hardly see a cloud in the sky and you could hear the birds singing.
And yet it was the worst day of her life.
I open my eyes
I try to see but I'm blinded by the white light
It was the day of her mother’s funeral.
I can't remember how
I can't remember why
She felt like she had lost everything she had in her life. Her mom, her soulmate, her best friend.
She didn’t know how to handle the situation.
She was sitting in between her father and sister in the first row of the big church they had rented. Her family was well known so a lot of guests and the rest of her huge family were there as well. And even though she was sitting in the middle of all these people the only thing she could do was stare at the white coffin with red roses. She felt so alone like never before.
I'm lying here tonight
And I can't stand the pain
She still didn’t understand how it happened. Her mom was always so happy. She cared for her children and loved her husband. They were the perfect family and all of a sudden they weren’t perfect anymore because someone was missing.
And I can't make it go away
No I can't stand the pain
It was a day like every day before.
Everyone was leaving the house early in the morning. Either for work, school or college.
They said their goodbyes and “I love you”’s and parted their ways.
She could still remember the look on her mother’s face. Her eyes were glowing and her face was smiling.
It was the last time she saw her. Her mom didn’t get back home.
Her car was hit by a truck on her way to work.She didn’t do anything wrong and yet it was her who died, not the man who drove the truck.
How could this happen to me
I've made my mistakes
She had such hate for that man. How could he? Why? Why did he take away her mother?
She would never get a real answer. All she got was an “I’m sorry”. But what did that mean? Nothing – it didn’t bring back the person she loved most in life.
Got nowhere to run
The night goes on
The coffin was let to the ground. Everyone was moving a little forward.
Her dad was the first one to move. He kissed a single red rose and threw it on the coffin. He kept standing there for a while, whispering sweet words in hope his wife could still hear him.
It was her turn next. She was moving slowly in fear of doing something wrong.
Everyone was looking at her and she hated every moment of it. This should be a private minute for her and her mom but it wouldn’t be.
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
She kissed a blooming yellow rose symbolising friendship and love. She knelt down to the ground before throwing the flower in the hole. She kept silent. She didn’t know what to say.
All she could offer was “I love you mom”, then she broke down in tears.
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me
***
Slowly she opened her eyes. She dreamt about it – again.
She looked around only to find herself sitting in one of her classes. Somehow college didn’t seem as important anymore. She kept drifting off into her own world, she couldn’t concentrate. All she really wanted to do was go home and cry. But she couldn’t – she knew that she owned that much to her father.
“Kate? Are you okay?” her friend Sophie asked. Katelynn turned her head towards her.
She met Sophie a year ago when she started college. They attended the same classes and shared the same interests. But not anymore, Kate thought. Everything changed. She was now 21 and her life had turned around. Going out, meeting guys and having fun wasn’t for her anymore. It had been once but she just couldn’t go on thinking about that. She lost her mom and with that she lost the fun in her life. She started building a wall around herself. She didn’t want to be close to someone in fear of losing him again. She just wouldn’t be able to take any more of that kind of pain.
“I’m fine – don’t worry,” Kate answered her.
“Are you sure? You look like you have seen a ghost,” her friend questioned again. Her friend didn’t seem like her usual self and she started to worry.
“Sophie – I am okay, really! Stop asking,” she shot back annoyed. It really started to get on her nevers that everyone was asking her if she was okay. Damn it. No she was not okay but she was sitting here – alive. That should be more than enough.
Everybody's screaming
I try to make a sound but no one hears me
“Okay. I just wanted to make sure,” Sophie looked at her apologizing. “What do you want to do now that we have two month off? I myself was thinking about a nice vacation on some beach! I think we really deserved something like that!”
I'm slipping off the edge
I'm hanging by a thread
Katelynn raised her eyebrow. A beach? “I don’t think that I am up for that. I guess I won’t do anything at all. I try to live day by day. And today I have to pretend I am all happy because it’s Karyn’s birthday. It’s her 15th!” Whispering, she added: “Her first birthday without mom!”
I wanna start this over again
“I am so sorry Kate! Give your sister a hug from me, will you?”
So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered
And I can't explain what happened
Katelynn only nodded her head.
And I can't erase the things that I've done
No I can't
***
It was still morning when Katelynn got home.
She parked her car near the house she grew up in. But instead of getting out she stayed in her seat. The only thing she did was turn off the engine. This is going to be hard.
How could this happen to me
She hadn’t been here since her mom’s funeral.
The first thing she did when her mom died was move out. She wasn’t able to take all the memories which she associated with certain things.
I've made my mistakes
She wondered how her dad and sister did it.
The truth was that her mother and her had always shared a special bound.
She missed that. Missed the late night talks, the cooking, the movie-nights, the travelling … she missed just everything about her mom.
Karyn had that special bound with her father so they hardly fought for anyones attention. Everyone was happy in their place. Mother and daughter. Father and daughter.
“It was perfect,” she said quietly, a single tear running down her face.
Got nowhere to run
She looked up. Looked at their “little mansion” like they used to call it.
It was beautiful, sitting perfectly at the San Diego Bay.
Her father owned a big trading firm, that’s how they could afford this place.
Katelynn never knew how much money they had and she still didn’t. But she knew that they were called “reach” by others.
Katelynn didn’t care.
Her eyes moved to the window of her sister Karyn. Her light blue curtains were still closed. She is probably still asleep. She wondered how they would overcome this day.
Without tears? Not possible.
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
She took one last breath before she moved out of her car.
She closed the doors before crossing the street, moved up the stairs carefully.
It was like she was scared to break anything, to destroy a memory held by every step.
She stopped as she reached the last step. That’s it – no turning around.
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
She took her purse looking for her keys, but the door was already opend by her father.
He looked at her. His little girl was back and she was looking exactly like his wife.
Tall, curvy, long dark blonde hair and sparkling green eyes.
How he missed seeing her. How he missed his wife.
How could this happen to me
It had been four month being only the three of them and with that they were crying at each others shoulder.
***
Lyrics by Simple Plan “Untitled”
End Notes:
If you read, please leave feedback! =) Thank you!
Chapter 2 by Sweetyfranzi
Nothing makes sense anymore
I want you back in my life
That's all I'm breathing for
***
It seemed like forever before they parted.
They looked in each other’s eyes, sad smiles playing on their lips.
“Is that how it will be from now on?” Kate asked with tears in her eyes.
Her father looked at her, he seemed almost desperate. “I don’t know honey, I really don’t.”
Without another word they went into the house but it didn’t take long for Katelynn to stop again. She was frozen in her spot. Everything looked the same, nothing had changed. It was like she was thrown back in time, like it would only take a minute for her mom to come down the big staircase which led to the bedrooms. And even though she knew it wouldn’t happen – she waited.
Nothing…
It took her a while to see her father waiting for her. She tried to shake the feeling of hope off of her when she followed her father to the living room.
It was like she had entered another world. She could feel her mom’s presence, could smell her perfume. But she wasn’t there. At least not in person.
A portrait of Diane McLain was standing over the fireplace. Right in the middle so everyone could see it the minute they entered the room. It was black and white and showed her beauty. Her eyes were shining like always. Her smile made Kate smile, too.
Her mom had always had a way to make people feel better and she didn’t lose that ablity even though she wasn’t there anymore.
Her heart was surrounded by a warm feeling you could only have in one place.
I’m home.
“Karyn is still asleep. I didn’t want to wake her up yet because I wanted to talk to you first.” Her father interrupted her thoughts. He was already seated on the couch and waiting for her to take a seat as well.
She moved next to him, she was curious what her dad wanted from her. “What about?” she quietly asked. Her feeling told her that she wouldn’t like what she was about to hear and yet she waited for his answer.
“About your sister’s bithday-present,” he looked almost scared. What did he do?
“Okay.” So far so good.
“Like you probably know it hasn’t been easy for her since Diane passed away. All she seems to do is cry and it’s breaking my heart in two. I try to be there for her but I can’t take away her pain.”
“I know, I am feeling the same way,” she whispered.
“I didn’t want to make it sound like you are not. She meant the world to you and she did for me, too. I miss her like crazy. But I want both of you to be happy again. To have fun and get back to your usual selves,” he told her, concerned.
“I can’t go back dad. Things have changed and I can’t just ignore that,” she shot back, angry.
“Don’t get mad at me Katelynn. I’m not even finished yet. You can be angry at me when you’ve heard it all. But before that I don’t want to hear anything, did you understand me?” He had a feeling she wouldn’t like what he had planned. She was already mad and that disappointed him. Yes, things had changed, she wouldn’t even listen to him anymore.
“I won’t say anything anymore,” she said, pissed.
Her father, Jim, nodded before continuing.
“You know how Karyn is in love with these poster guys? She has their pictures all over her walls and is listening to their music 24/7. It drives me crazy but that doesn’t matter. She seems to feel good with their melodies. When I look at her singing I feel better and I want to give something back to her. These guys will be going on tour this month and I thought it would be fun for her to go. With you. I had some help from some clients so I have tickets and hotel reservations ready. What do you think so far?” He looked at her, worried.
“I don’t care, really. I mean it’s not the whole tour and one concert won’t hurt,” she laughed. That was what her dad was worried about? No way.
He wouldn’t look at her. Now he was scared. “Actually, I was talking about the whole tour. You have two month off and they tour North America for over a month.”
“What?” Kate looked at him with disbelief.
“You heard me,” her dad said without even looking at her.
“You are kidding me right,” she started laughing. Her dad couldn’t be serious but one look at him told her that he was. “How can you even think I would be up for something like that? Don’t you think I have better things to do with my free time? Why me? If you want that to be her present than you should go with her because I won’t,” she screamed.
“You know as well as I do that I can’t do this! It wouldn’t hurt you, would it? It would be something special for her and it’s an opportunity she will never get again,” Jim tried to justify. “Everything is booked already!”
Kate could only shake her head before standing up and leaving the room.
This is ridiculous. How dare he think I would be up for something like that? Why the hell would I go on tour with someone for so long. He is just doing that because he can. Fucking money.
***
She knocked at her sister’s bedroom door before slowly peeking her head in. To her surprise her sister was already wide awake.
Karyn was laying in her dark room, still wrapped in a blanket on her bed, staring up at the ceiling. It took her awhile to look at Kate.
“Hey,” she whisperd.
“Hey Sis! I thought you were still sleeping. Why didn’t you come down?” Katelynn asked smiling. She went over to her and hugged her. “Happy Bithday!”
“Thanks,” Karyn forced a smile. “I just didn’t feel like getting up yet, you know?”
“Yeah, I know. Move over.” She moved and soon both of them were laying in bed, staring at the ceiling.
“You seem pissed, what’s wrong?” Karyn hadn’t seen her sister angry in forever. Most of the time she was happy or lately sad but never was she pissed in her presence, but something was up and she wanted to know what.
“It’s dad. He is so annoying – I swear!”
“What did he do?” What had her father done now? He didn’t do much since her mom died; that’s why she was curious.
“He got that really stupid idea of us going on tour with your poster guys,” Kate said pointing at one of her picture hanging on the wall.
“OH MY GOD! For real? Touring with the Backstreet Boys? Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god,” she screamed. She wasn’t even laying anymore – she was jumping on her bed up and down and up and down.
Kate couldn’t believe it, she didn’t know what to say. Her sister seemed so happy all of a sudden. She felt guilty for not wanting to go. How can I say no now?
“Kate. You are the BEST sister in the world for doing this with me. Thank you so much.” Karyn was hugging her so hard she could hardly breathe.
“No problem. Everything for my baby sis,” she said sighing. I guess that’s it. I’ll be following the Backy Boys, no wait, the Backstreet Boys. Why am I doing that again? She looked at the girl sitting in front of her. Her eyes were sparkling. She changed from sad to happy and Katelynn didn’t want to change that. I guess that’s why I’m doing it.
“Go and thank dad, not me. He made it possible, bought all tickets and made every hotel reservation.” As soon as she was finished Karyn was running down the stairs. Kate was still laying in bed. What have I gotten myself into? “Ugh.”
***
The tour. It was all Karyn kept talking about the whole day. She couldn’t believe how lucky she had suddenly become. She always loved her dad and her sister but now she loved them even more. In her head she was already dreaming about what could happen. Would they meet the boys? Would they be able to get backstage?
Katelynn on the other hand had doubts. She didn’t know if she made the right decision.
What was she supposed to do when they were there? She didn’t want to attend every concert. She was sure that it would get boring after awhile. And as much as she loved her sister, she didn’t know how she would be able to handle her one and a half month 24/7? She didn’t want to sit her butt off in hotel lobbies either. She wanted to have some relaxing time for herself but that wouldn’t happen.
Jim was happy it all worked out in the end. He couldn’t believe that Kate gave in before she told him herself. She was still mad at him but he was sure this mood would go away. He was proud at himself. He was sure it would help both of them to get happy. At least he was hoping it would.
***
Late that night Kate stood at Karyn’s door. She was sleeping this time, a small smile playing on her lips. At least one of us is happy she thought before closing the door and going to sleep herself.
When the hour is upon us
And our beauty surely gone
No you will not be forgotten
No you will not be alone
And when the day has all but ended
And our echo starts to fade
No you will not be alone then
And you will not be afraid
No you will not be afraid
When the fog has finally lifted
From my cold and tired brow
No I will not leave you crying
And I will not let you down
No I will not let you down
I will not let you down
Now comes the night
Feel it fading away
And the soul underneath
Is it all that remains
So just slide over here
Leave your fear in the fray
Let us hold to each other
Until the end of our days
When the hour is upon us
And our beauty surely gone
No you will not be forgotten
No you will not be alone
No you will not be alone
***
Lyrics by Blue “Breathe Easy” and Rob Thomas “Now comes the night”
End Notes:
If you read, please leave feedback! =) Thank you!!
Chapter 3 by Sweetyfranzi
Kate still had doubts in her mind when she started packing for the tour. What was she supposed to do there? She really had no clue. She didn’t know what to bring nor what to expect. She tried to listen to their music but it just wasn’t for her. Why couldn’t she be as happy as her sister? Karyn had been running around with a glowing face ever since she found out about their little tour, telling all her friends what she was about to do. It was already getting on Katelynn’s nerves. How am I going to survive this one and a half months?
A quiet knock woke her from her daydreaming.
“Come in,” she said.
Her dad slowly stepped in her room. It looked like she never was gone with all her clothes laying around, on her bed, on the floor, just everywhere. She obviously had a hard time collecting her things.
“How is it going?” he asked, interested.
Kate could only roll her eyes.
“How does it look?”
Sighing, she said “Just so you know, I am not doing this for you. This is for Karyn and when this is over I am gone again. So don’t get used seeing a scene like that.” She was avoiding looking in his eyes. She was still pissed at him and didn’t really want to talk.
“I know you are doing that for her and I just wanted to say thank you. This really means a lot to her – and it does for me. I know you are not seeing it yet but this will be good for you, too. You’ll meet new people, maybe make new friends and you can explore our country a bit,” he tried reasoning. He had already lost his wife, he couldn’t handle losing his daughter because of his behavior.
Kate shrugged her shoulders. She wasn’t really interested in any of these things. She had some friends. Yes, they weren’t really there for her but it was better than nothing. Letting someone in her heart only meant losing him again after a while and she was tired of losing. She wasn’t ready to face any more pain yet. The hole her mom had left behind was too big and too deep. She had a feeling she would die if something else would happen to anyone close to her.
She understood her dad somehow. He didn’t know what to do. He had lost someone as well and had to face this loss everyday by seeing Karyn. She was looking like her mom, too. Katelynn seriously started wondering if her dad was able to mourn at all. Maybe it was good after all. Not really for her, but for the people she loved most in life and maybe when they would be able to find happiness again, she would, too.
But she wasn’t ready to accept that yet. She wanted to be mad at her dad. Wanted him to see that it hurt her, that is wasn’t easy at all to let go.
“Is there anything else?” she asked, emotionless.
Her dad could only look at her with sad eyes. He was waiting for some sign from her that she would forgive him but nothing came. “No,” he said trying hard not to cry. He left her room slowly, closing the door behind him.
Katelynn looked up, a tear running down her face. She felt guilty. “I’m sorry dad,” she whispered before getting back to her belongings. West Palm Beach was calling and she wasn’t even close to being ready.
***
A chilly breeze was blowing when they arrived at the San Diego Airport. It was still early, the sun hasn’t risen yet. Their plane was taking off in an hour.
Karyn was the first one to get out of the BMW. She was already wide awake. A thing you couldn’t say about Katelynn. She moved slowly this morning, fighting to keep her eyes open.
“This is way too early,” she muttered.
“Dad, Kate, come on! We are going to miss the plane,” Karyn screamed, hurrying to get her bags out of the car.
“Karyn,” she said annoyed. “Shut up! We won’t miss the stupid plane!”
“Girls! Relax. Everything will be fine,” their dad said quietly.
The got their baggage out of the trunk in silence. Karyn didn’t want to get on her sister’s nerves since it was her she owned this journey to, their dad was afraid of saying goodbye to their daughters, and Katelynn was just annoyed by the whole situation.
Jim had made reservations for them to get there one day early. They should check out the hotel and the enviroment. Maybe they could enjoy the day a bit laying in the sun before the tour starts. It would be exhausting, he knew. He smiled to himself. He already felt sorry for Katelynn. He’d had to listen to his younger daughter for the last two weeks and he was happy to have a little time to himself from now on. Sure he would miss his girls very much but it was time he needed. Time to think, to say goodbye to his wife. Something he wasn’t able to do with anyone around. This was something he had to do for himself.
“Okay – let‘s go!” He got some of their bags and went into the direction of the terminal they were supposed to go.
They went right to the First Class section and checked in. That’s it, Katelynn thought.
She turned her head to her father and looked him straight in the eye. Suddenly she felt even more guilty. She wouldn’t see her dad for the next month and she felt like she was going to lose her only parent left.
Katelynn walked over to him. She didn’t say anything, nor did her father. They didn’t need to. They understood each other without saying a single word. They just hugged and said their silent goodbyes.
It took longer with Karyn. She started crying and for a moment Katelynn thought she didn’t want to go anymore but no such luck. Karyn wiped her tears away and tried to play it off by smiling a big smile again. But Katelynn knew better. She felt the same way she did. But this time the goodbye wouldn’t last for forever. She knew it and it was the only reason she didn’t break down in tears herself.
They looked at their father one more time before boarding the plane. They were really going to do this. No more turning around now.
***
In West Palm Beach the sun was shining bright and even though it was still morning it was already hot outside.
Katelynn was feeling sick. She hated flying and the landing about killed her. She just wanted to lay down and sleep a little. Karyn’s jumping up and down and the heat just made it worse. She wanted to go back home right then and there but she was stuck.
“Do you see the car that is supposed to pick us up?” Kate tiredly asked. She was standing outside of the airport, right next to the street but she didn’t see the car. This is just great. What a “nice” start.
Karyn started looking around as well. She sensed her sister was feeling bad and she felt sad that she wasn’t enjoying this whole trip as much as she did or at all. She wanted her to feel good.
“I don’t see it. Maybe it didn’t wait for us. I mean our flight got delayed for an hour.”
“Yeah, I guess so, too,” Kate sighed. She walked on to the street and started whistling and yelling for a cab. It didn’t even take a minute for one to get there. The cab driver looked strange with his big, dark sunglasses but Kate tought it was better than nothing. She never saw a good looking cab driver before so why should it be different now? The man got their luggage and stuffed it into his car. I wonder if anything will be broken when I unpack my things, she wondered because the trunk didn’t seem to have enough space for all their belongings. Maybe renting a car would be better. I’ll talk to dad about it… if I ever get to the hotel.
“Where do you want go?” The cab driver asked with a thick spanish accent. Karyn and Kate hardly understood him. We definitely need a rental car, Katelynn snickerd. This was so weird.
“The Crowne Plaza, please.”
The man looked shocked. What is his problem? She knew what the man was wondering. Two young girls going to a hotel like that? The only thing that came to Kate’s mind was: People with money are normal human beings as well and don’t have to show their wealth off. And it annoyed her that there were still people who thought they were people from outer space. Sure, there were people who liked to present themselves as reach, but everyone seemed to forget the normal ones. The people who didn’t want to be rich but were born into it. Their family had money, yes, but they never acted like they were something better because they weren’t.
The trip to the hotel seemed to take forever. They got stuck in traffic. Kate guessed it was the time everyone got to work and so the streets were busy. Karyn had fallen asleep a while ago and she was glad about it. A little silence helped her headache to wear off and she didn’t need to worry for a while. She wanted a little sleep for herself but first there was some business to do. She had to check them in, she didn’t know what her father booked at all, she didn’t know what to expect. All she knew was that she didn’t expect what she saw when they arrived at their final destination.
She carefully shook Karyn awake.
“Care-bear? What is going on here? Why are so many girls standing infront of the hotel?” Kate asked absolutly clueless.
“Fans, sis,” she smiled, “these girls are here for the Backstreet Boys!” The sparks in her eyes came back again. She really seemed to enjoy that moment, she was happy she wouldn’t have to wait outside of any of the hotels they were still going to.
“Really?” Katelynn couldn’t believe it. There were at least 30 girls standing in front of the hotel. Some were chatting, some looked tired, some excited – it was quite a mix.
As soon as they were out of the car a dozen eyes were on them. Curious, jealous eyes. They wanted a piece of the cake as well and it was moments like these when they saw they wouldn’t get it.
Katelynn tried not to look at any of these girls when she walked past them, first because of pity and second because of embarrassment. She just wanted to get away from here and she was happy when she arrived at the reception. She looked behind her, her sister wasn’t embarrassed at all. Kate could see her talking to some fans outside, her face smiling brightly. She enjoyed seeing her sister like that but she still hoped that she would come in, too, because she didn’t want to go back out there again.
She got the key to their room and nodded to her sister. Gladly she came right away, grinning all the way.
“Let’s go sis. The journey begins,” Kate tried to sound cheerful. Who am I trying to fool?
“Yeah,” Karyn replied. She couldn’t wait. She wanted to do so much and was already getting impatient.
Arms around each other, they went to their room. Just that it wasn’t a room at all. Katelynn unlocked the door to discover that her father booked a suite. She couldn’t believe her eyes. They really didn’t need anything like that and yet she stared with awe in her eyes. They had always grown up normal and this was so not normal. Everywhere was gold and marmor. Karyn went into every room ‘oohing’ and ‘aahing’ but Katelynn only wanted to do one thing – look out of the window.
She slowly pulled the curtain back and what she saw was absolutely breathtaking. Her eyes moved from the large pool to the white-sanded beach and at this very moment she thought, maybe this isn’t bad after all, for the very first time. She turned around – a little smile playing on her lips.
***
Chapter 4 by Sweetyfranzi
It was July 22nd. The day of the first concert had finally arrived.
Karyn was nervous and couldn’t keep still for a minute. She had been waiting all day in the lobby for the boys to show up but no such luck. Katelynn spent her time laying in the sun making the best of this whole trip by working on her tan.
It didn’t take long for the evening to arrive. They were slowly getting ready. Karyn was in a hurry but Kate just laughed.
“Girl, relax. We have seats for the first row. You won’t miss a thing. It’s still two hours, remember?” she said rolling her eyes. She was wearing simple jeans and an orange shirt but her sister couldn’t decide.
“Lynn – help me,” Karyn sounded almost desperate. This whole BSB thing meant the world to her. She wanted to look good for the guys.
“Here take this one. It’s cute,” Katelynn handed her a blue sundress. She wanted her sister to look normal. She really wasn’t thrilled to see her in a band t-shirt which she was still wearing.
She looked doubtful at the dress but took it anyway. She guessed her sister had more sense for fashion as she did.
15 minutes later they were on their way. The first accounter with the boys was about to come.
Hardly did they know this was the beginning of an adventure that would last longer than anyone thought.
***
“BACKSTREET BOYS! BACKSTREET BOYS!”
The screaming was overwhelming when Katelynn and Karyn entered the Sound Advice Amphitheatre of West Palm Beach.
This is ridiculous, Kate thought. She had never seen so much fans at once and it seemed like every single one of them was screaming. This is crazy.
They moved forward, jealous eyes following them. Her dad must have spent a bunch of money for these seats. Not only were they front row seats but they were right in front of the stage, too. Karyn was screaming when she saw them, Katelynn wasn’t happy at all. She saw cameras and a big screens over the stage. She knew from experience that the people sitting first row were filmed and she didn’t want to be seen by anyone. This whole following around was embarassing enough.
Suddenly the lights went out and the screaming became even louder. Katelynn was sure she would be deaf after the concert. She looked over to her sister. She had to make sure she saw right. Karyn was crying. She could only roll her eyes. Why were girls crying now? Nothing had even happened yet.
Music began playing loud and clear. Fans started jumping up and down. The spotlight went on and there they were. Kate couldn’t see their faces yet but she saw five figures coated by light.
“Let me tell you the story 'bout the call that changed my destiny…” someone started singing and fireworks started to go off. But it wasn’t really that that caught her eyes.
“Me and my boys went out just to end up in misery. Was about to go home when there she was standing in front of me and said ‘Hi, I got a little place nearby.Wanna go?” The fans kept singing along. More like screaming along, Kate thought.
She kept her eyes on the stage. Still staring.
“I should've said no - someone's waiting for me. Then I called my girl up and said,” the guys went to the front of the stage, standing right before the two sisters and they everyone of them joined in, “Listen baby, I'm sorry just wanna tell you don't worry, I will be late don't stay up and wait for me. I said again, you’re dropping out, my battery is low, just so you know we're going to a place nearby - gotta go!”
Now it was the blonde guy who started singing and he did it while looking Kate right into the eye, “Now two years gone, nothing's been won. I can't take it back, what's done is done, one of her friends found out that she wasn't my only one and it eats me from inside that she's not by my side - just because I made that call and lied!”
Karyn turned her head to her sister looking shocked. “Oh my God, Kate! Did you see that? Nick was staring at you the whole time!!” She screamed so her sister could hear her.
“Nick?” she asked before shrugging her shoulders, “who cares?”
Karyn could only shook her head at her sister’s disinterest.
To be honest, Katelynn had noticed. How could she not? Two beautiful blue eyes staring at her, singing to her, but she didn’t want it to get to her. She was here for a concert and not a staring contest.
She liked having this guy’s, what was his name again? Oh yeah Nick, attention for awhile but he kept doing it and it started to annoy her. Doesn’t he have better things to do? Making his fans happy or whatever?
Karyn enjoyed every minute of the concert, singing along, grabbing the guys’ hands whenever they came close to her. She was on cloud nine.
Katelynn had to admit she liked the concert as well, besides the staring. Especially one song got to her and it didn’t leave her mind even when the show was over.
Never gone, never far
In my heart is where you are
Always close, everyday
Every step along the way
Even though for now we've got to say goodbye
I know you will be forever in my life
***
Katelynn was glad when they were back in the hotel. She felt safer there even though girls were giving her evil glances. What’s their problem? It wasn’t her fault they were staying in the hotel of the guys. At least I am not some stupid groupie, she snickered.
They went upstairs getting ready for bed, she could sense that Karyn was exhausted. She nearly fell asleep in the car and she was glad she didn’t because she slept like a rock when she was really tired.
Kate wanted to be tired, too, but she just wasn’t. She had feared the nights since her mom died because she couldn’t help but have nightmares.
Like she thought, Karyn was asleep as soon as she hit the mattress and she was glad about that. She, on the other hand, lay awake staring at the ceiling for about an hour before she decided to get up again. Maybe a drink will knock me out. She really wanted to believe that because tomorrow wouldn’t be any different than today. They would have to get up early and go to Tampa next because the second concert was calling already. Katelynn needed sleep and if it wasn’t coming to her she was getting it.
She silently got her clothes back on and went downstairs. There were still girls sitting around. Dressed in mini-skirts and a bunch of make up on their faces. Groupies. She could only shake her head because she couldn’t understand how girls would want to sleep with somebody they thought they knew but didn’t at all.
Kate made her way over to the bar, showing her ID to the security standing on the entrance. There were only a couple of people sitting around. She guessed they only let in hotel guests staying here, the ones who didn’t look like they were ready to do anything.
She sat herself at the bar, ordering a vodka coke when she heard screaming outside. She turned her head towards the door, wondering what was going on and she regretted it right away. The guy from stage that kept watching her was making his way over to her. What is he thinking? Do I look like a freaking groupie? Katelynn rolled her eyes.
He sat himself down right beside her, ordering a beer before turning to her.
“Hi,” he smirked.
“Hi,” Kate replied annoyed. She came down here for a drink not for a conversation.
“I saw you today at the concert. Did you like what you saw?” he asked,
He wants to make small talk? She couldn’t believe it. “It was okay,” she gave back.
“Just okay?” he laughed. Kate wondered what was so funny but she shrugged it off.
“Yeah, so what? I am forced to see your shows, that doesn’t mean I have to love them, right?”
She could sense a bit of uncertainty from him. “Forced?” he asked with raised eyebrows.
She had to laugh at that, he reminded her of a small kid not getting what it wants at this very moment.
“Yeah – forced. I’m following you guys for my sister who loves you guys. In fact I really can’t understand but who cares?” She swallowed down her drink before getting up, ready to leave. She pulled out her wallet ready to pay but a hand moved over hers.
“I got that, don’t worry,” he smiled.
Now it was Katelynn who raised her eyebrows. Did he think he could buy her or something.
“No thanks,” she smiled sweetly at him, pulling her hand out from under his, “I can pay for myself.” And with that she laid $15 on the table before moving to the door.
“By the way,” he yelled after her, “I am Nick!”
Katelynn rolled her eyes, “whatever,” before she letting the door swing closed.
Nick was left behind but he had a grin sitting on his face. He now knew she would be around and he understood the whole thing as challenge. “This will be fun,” he whispered before turning his attention back to his beer.
How can I begin to
Tell you what ya do to
Me every time I hear ya
More willin' I wanna see ya
I know that there's no use in
Tryin' to explain my confusion
But still I'm not complainin'
'Bout my situation
***
Lyrics by the Backstreet Boys “The Call”, “Never Gone”, “My Beautiful Woman”
End Notes:
If you read, please leave feedback! =) Thank you!!
Chapter 5 by Sweetyfranzi
Nick finished up his beer and followed her. She was different from the other girls and he really wanted her. Girls who played hard to get… what a fun game. At least for him.
But today it was not supposed to be. A bunch of girls blocked his way, screaming, crying, wanting his autograph. He had already lost sight of her. His chance for today was gone. Damn it.
Annoyed, he took the pen out of a young girl’s hand, trying to smile and please her. He hated that part of being known. He was never alone, always followed, always wanted. It took him awhile to give them all what they wanted. An autograph here, a smile and a picture there. He was happy when they let him go. But he took something with him. Something that would please him for tonight as well.
Today it wouldn’t be the girl from the bar finding herself in his bed but maybe she would tomorrow. He could only smirk at that when he left the lobby with a tall blonde girl.
***
Katelynn blinked. What a night. Like always her dreams were haunted by nightmares and she woke up exhausted. When will this stop? She silently asked herself. She was ready to get rid of her thoughts and fears. Ready for a new day.
She slowly got up and went into the living room. She wanted to wake up Karyn and was slighty surprised to see her sitting in the living room watching tv and eating breakfast.
“Why are you up already?” she aked rubbing her eyes.
“First off it’s already 11 and second I didn’t get back into the hotel room at 2am like you. What did you do anyway? Where did you go?” Karyn was curious. She fell asleep right away yesterday but she woke up again when her sister closed the door. She heard her curse outside and wondered what she did right away. But she was afraid that she might get mad when she got up at such hour to ask her.
“Nowhere. Get ready! We have to leave in an hour” Kate answered without looking into her eyes. She didn’t want her sister to know that she met one band member. She guessed that Nick guy was her favorite and she didn’t want to destroy her vision of a so perfect boy. She was still a kid and had the right to dream. She didn’t need to know yet that everything was just an illusion.
***
Nick watched the fans run after the bus as if they could stop the vehicle and live their dream a little bit longer. This was his own one once and he kept wondering if it still was.
They had just left the hotel a minute ago, ready to head over to Tampa. This town held so much memories for him. Good ones and bad ones.
He rembered buying his first house there. He’d seen it sitting on the bay and fallen for it right away. He loved his home but today it wasn’t his anymore. He had moved to Los Angeles a few years ago to be closer to his family. Now that his parents were divorced and living on different coasts he regretted that he ever left Tampa behind. He often wondered what kind of people lived in his own little castle now. Were they happy as he once had been?
He had had girlfriends there as well, one girl he even loved but she left him behind for someone “normal” as she used to call it. She broke his heart and back in the day he wanted nothing more than to leave that part of his life, but his wounds healed and he seemed to be okay again, at least on the outside.
He stood up and walked over to his bunk. He didn’t want to be bothered by AJ, who was in the bus with him. He wasn’t in the mood for talking today. He felt awful and wanted to be left alone.
Today when he woke up he didn’t find himself alone in bed. The blonde from yesterday was still laying next to him, a blanket barely covering her, her back facing him. He tried to be quiet and escape her. But he didn’t have that much luck. She opened her eyes right when he opened the bedroom door.
“Where do you want to go?” she asked sadly.
He didn’t know what to say and just left the room. He knew he broke her heart but he couldn’t help himself. He sent her breakfast up when he left the hotel, that’s all he could do. He didn’t want to face those girls in the morning. They meant nothing to him. He didn’t want to care at all. He always tried to tell himself that this was what they wanted and yet he always felt guilt in the morning when they woke up with hope in their eyes.
He wanted a girl who loved him for him. Who actually cared about him and not his money or fame. He wanted to love and to be loved again. Why couldn’t he find a girl he could enjoy waking up with in the morning? One he wanted to stay in bed all day just to watch. He wanted to love and nothing else. And yet it was always a groupie finding her way to his bed.
He thought about the girl in the bar again. She was different. Maybe he should try to see her as more than just a possible fuck. She didn’t seem to care about what he was, actually she didn’t seem to like his fame at all. He watched her last night at the concert. Every other girl would be more than happy to see him looking at her, but she wasn’t. She didn’t give him one smile through the whole concert, she even tried to avoid his eyes. But little did she know it was exactly that that made her so interesting. Maybe he would be able to find a way to get to know her more. Didn’t she say she had a sister? Maybe he could arrange some soundcheck tickets or backstage passes. She was following them because of her so she wanted to see her happy and every fan would love to go backstage. This might be his only way to get close to her again, well after figuring out her name anyway.
***
It was close to showtime when he took a look at the audience. The place was packed as always. But today he just cared about seeing her again. He was curious if she and her sister would sit in the first row again and they really did. She didn’t look very happy but her sister did. It was easier to figure out who her sister was than he thought. They looked alike and couldn’t even try to deny they were related to each other. Each one of them was pretty, wearing normal clothes and hardly any make-up. Natural beauties.
“Hey Q,” he was ushering for his bodyguard. It didn’t even take a second for him to get there.
“What’s wrong?”he asked worried. Being Nick’s guard sure wasn’t easy.
“Nothing,” Nick laughed. “Do you see those two girls there sitting first row?”
“Boy – there are more than two girls sitting. Can you please be a bit more specific?”
Q shook his head, this boy had problems sometimes.
“I am talking about the two sisters sitting right in front of stage, the younger one is wearing a skirt, do you see them now?”
“Yeah.”
“Get them some soundcheck tickets for tomorrow, will ya? But give them to the younger one and ask them for their names. I have a feeling that the older one doesn’t like my idea,” he smirked.
***
Half of the show was over and Kate couldn’t wait for the final song to arrive. She would actually enjoy it, if it weren’t for that Nick guy. He got on her nerves. He was always standing in front of them, singing to them, watching them closely. Karyn was in heaven but Katelynn felt cornered. She couldn’t escape because she was stuck with her sister. Maybe she could wait outside next time. She had to really think about that.
The boys just went behind stage to to change clothes when a big, black man came over to them. Katelynn looked around. Was he really going to them? If so, why? Did they do something wrong?
“Excuse me ladies. My name is Q and I have something to give you,” he said politly.
He gave Karyn an envelope, which she opened curiously. Kate found her sister speechless, a fact which didn’t happen very often. Katelynn looked what she held in her hand. The only thing she could see were two pieces of paper colored blue and white.
“What is that?” she wanted to know.
“These are soundcheck tickets for tomorrow. Be at the entrance of the arena by 4pm and wait for me. I’ll pick you and the other people up and lead you to the stage. The only thing that I still want to know is your names,” Q explained.
“I am Karyn and this is my sister Kate,” Karyn replied cheerful. She couldn’t believe how something like that could actually happen to her. This must be a dream, she was sure of that one.
“Okay, thanks ladies. Enjoy the rest of the show and I hop to see you tomorrow,” he said before going backstage again.
Katelynn didn’t even have time to react. She knew who she had to ‘thank’. She was pissed, he really wanted to buy her it seemed. But she couldn’t say no to Karyn now that she was on cloud nine again. Life was unfair.
When the boys came back on stage Nick grinned at her. And for the first time she grinned back but it was an evil smile. He wants to play? Sure thing – I am in.
***
Katelynn guessed Nick would be at the bar again late at night and that’s exactly were she found him. Girls sitting everywhere. Okay, that’s no game field. Think Kate…
“Hey,” she whispered in his ear. Chills ran down his spine.
“Wanna go somewhere else?” she seductively asked.
Nick could only nod his head before grabbing her hand and leaving the bar. Jealous looks following them. The groupies had probably waited for hours for him to get downstairs and now some girl they never seen before stole their man right infront of their eyes.
When the doors of the elevator closed Katelynn started her little plan. She waited of few seconds before pressing the stop button. She turned to him and smiled sweetly getting even closer to him.
She looked him straight in the eye before asking, “that’s what you wanted, isn’t it?”
“Oh yeah,” he breathed out before finally kissing her.
Katelynn pressed him against the wall kissing him a little deeper. When he started moaning she went even further by grabbing his groin, massaging it slowly through his pants. She opened her eyes to get the elevator going again, pressing some number.
The doors opened and she moved away from him again, leaving the small room. She only winked at him before laughing, “poor boy! Payback is a bitch isn’t it?”
Nick only licked his lips when the doors closed again. He was completely breatheless. She was something. Fuck my thoughts from earlier. I want her. Bad. She made the first move and he was ready to make the next. He knew she wouldn’t like him giving her and her sister soundcheck tickets but if this was his punishment than he was surely willing to do it again. Today it was her move to make but tomorrow it would be his. He would make sure of that.
He left the elevator with a cocky smile on his lips. Oh yeah, he was ready to get that game going.
***
End Notes:
If you read, please leave feedback! =) Thank you!!
Chapter 6 by Sweetyfranzi
The day started off just like it ended - Katelynn was feeling like shit.
To get to Atlanta in time, they had to take a plane, and she hated flying. She always got sick from all the shaking. And her fear of heights only made it worse. The things you do for people you love…. She had a bad feeling about this day and tried to shake it off. What could be happening anyway? Getting to the hotel, to that soundcheck-party thing and after that they were going to the concert again, only to fall asleep right after it to be fit for the next day. She was already getting tired of this kind of lifestyle. How can these guys do this 24/7?
Kate and Karyn arrived the hotel by 3pm. They only had time to get rid of their luggage before going to the venue of the day. Katelynn was tired, she didn’t want to be here, she was craving a bed but no such luck. Here goes nothing.
Like Q said he was picking them up by 4pm sharp. But they were not the only ones getting in. She learned that you could also win these tickets in some contests and she was happy that there would be more people around. This way she could stand far behind all the fans without anybody caring so much.
The arena looked strange being so empty. She only seen this place packed before. Fans were running past her to stand first row, she already lost Karyn, too. But she didn’t worry. She could overview the little crowd and seeing Karyn standing first row was making her smile. I guess she got what she wanted again.
The guys were already there joking around. She could see the piano which only appeared at the end of the show standing in the middle.
When there were no more people coming in, the guys sat down around the piano, greeting their fans before a familiar sound set in.
“Empty spaces fill me up with holes, distant faces with no place left to go. Without you within me I can’t find no rest, where I’m going is anybody’s guess.” It was the tattood guy singing again. Karyn told her his name was AJ. What kind of name is that anyway? Kate liked his voice, it was raspy but full of emotion. And somehow he made it possible for the lyrics to get under her skin. She had to confess she loved that song. She could understand what they were singing about. She had felt incomplete since her mom died.
“I’ve tried to go on like I never knew you. I’m awake but my world is half asleep. I pray for this heart to be unbroken but without you all I’m going to be is incomplete...,” the fans were singing along with Nick. Today was the first time she really heard him. It was nearly impossible with the arena sold out but now she heard how he put his heart and soul into the song. She wondered what made him incomplete. She felt tears coming up but she didn’t want to cry, not here anyway. She wiped them from her face only fast enough for him not to see because he looked at her again. His eyes were sad and she felt a slight connection to him. Human after all.
They sang another song called “Weird World” before they took their time to answer fan questions, pose for photos or accept presents.
Kate never thought they would do such a thing. They were famous and most stars didn’t care much for their fans but they did.
A guy was running around with a microphone to collect questions. Most of them were the same old ones they always heard: “Do you have a girlfriend?”, “Will you record another album?” and so on.
One question was directed to Nick by a a girl who was the same age as her she guessed. “I wanna know,” she was shaking, “what the craziest thing was that ever happened to you!”
Kate couldn’t see her her face since she stood at the far end of the venue but she could picture her smiling.
“Well,” Nick began to say when his eyes looked directly into Kate’s. “There was this one girl,” he smirked. “She jumped me in an elevator not too long ago,” now he was laughing. “It was kinda funny.” He winked at her, Katelynn only showed him the finger. What is his problem? As if he didn’t like it.
More questions were asked when a bodyguard came her way.
“Miss? Can I please ask you to leave,” he said in a serious voice looking not very friendly at all.
“What?” she laughed.
“I want you to be out of here!” His eyes were narrowed. He was one scary guy.
“But why? I didn’t do anything!”
“You didn’t? How about your little finger facing the boys? One of the guy noticed and asked me to show you the way out. Something like this is not appreciated here, so please go!” He grabbed her by the arm trying to get her out of the arena.
“But my sister is still here! I can’t leave her here alone,” she argued.
“Then she has to go as well. Who is she? I am gonna get her right after I brought you out of the building.” Kate could only stare at him with an open mouth.
Kate told him pissed off. She couldn’t believe it. First of Nick asked them to come and now he was throwing them out? How dare he?
Karyn had tears in her eyes and looked pissed as hell when she came out off the venue herself.
“What did you do this time?” she screamed. “I wanted this so bad and you destroyed that special moment for me!”
“I didn’t …,” Kate tried to explain.
“You know what? I don’t want to hear it! I HATE you and now leave me the fuck alone,” she screamed again before running off.
Kate tried to keep up with her. This is nice… arg. Damn that guy.
***
Nick looked confused. What did just happen? He saw Marcus throwing out Kate and her sister. Yeah, she was showing him the finger but that was directed to him and no one saw it, or did someone? He looked around himself. The only one looking pleased with himself was Kevin. He rolled his eyes. Damn, she will be pissed as hell.
He finished soundcheck with the guys before confronting Kevin about the stunt he pulled.
“Hey Kev, can I talk to you a minute?” he asked.
“Yeah, sure. What’s wrong?” He always worried about Nick. He didn’t talk to him that much anymore as they used to when he was younger. He missed this bond but maybe it was getting better again.
“Why did you ask Marcus to throw out Kate?” Yeah, he wanted to piss her off but not like that. Until now it was just her and him and now that Kevin had her thrown out Karyn was in it as well.
“Who?” Kevin looked irretated.
“The girl standing in the far back!” Nick answered annoyed.
“Are you honestly asking that?” he looked surprised but he could see in Nick’s eyes that he was serious. “She was showing the finger to us and I think that’s not right. We have young kids in our audience and she should show a little respect towards us.”
“She was doing it because of me, okay? Leave her alone the next time!” with that said Nick turned around, ready to go in his bus to relax a little more before the show. He really hoped she would still show up at the concert.
***
Karyn wasn’t speaking with her anymore. She locked herself into her room, she didn’t even come out to use the bathroom since she had her own. Katelynn was frustrated. She didn’t need any of that shit and all just because of a stupid popstar.
What was that guy thinking anyway? That I would throw myself at him and love him forever? That’s ridiculous.
She was mad at him. He did what she didn’t want to happen. She lost the one person she could talk to because of something stupid like a finger. He deserved it because he provoked her by mentioning her to people who didn’t even know her. Who didn’t know her intentions behind that whole act. She wanted to slap him so bad. But she couldn’t. She didn’t even wanna see him again, at least not today.
Kate heard the crack. It seemed like Karyn had finally come out of her room. She herself was laying in bed staring at the light blue wall next to her. She didn’t know what to do. She didn’t know anyone around and she didn’t want to call any of her friends either since she didn’t want them to know where she was.
“I wanna go now,” Karyn shouted from outside. She sounded cold and Kate wasn’t really looking forward to sit in a car with her. She slowly rose from her bed, stepping in some clothes.
Like she thought, Karyn didn’t look at her when she came out and she didn’t want to say anything either because she didn’t want to fight and really, she didn’t know what to say at all. Sorry, didn’t quite make it this time.
***
Katelynn didn’t see the show that night. She felt that she was not wanted by her sister and she didn’t want to see Nick either. She would have lost it and that bodyguard sure was there to throw her out again, so she stay outside right away. She stayed in the car the whole time listining to some music.
When they got back to the hotel she could only face Karyn’s back and hear the door being shut loudly. She was so sick of this already. She wanted to have fun again, too. She hadn’t been out ever since her mom passed away. She was frustrated and decided right then and there to head out. Karyn didn’t care? Okay, so she wouldn’t care either.
She pulled out a mini skirt out of her suitcase and a tight shirt before calling the reception asking for a nice club around. While waiting for the cab she fixed her hair and make up. Without saying a word where she went she left Karyn behind this night.
***
Nick felt strange. The concert tonight was fine but he noticed that Kate wasn’t there. Her seat stayed empty for the whole concert. Only Karyn was there and she looked happy, at least most of the time. He told Q to keep her in his sight since no one else was there to take care of her.
They obviously had a fight going on and he felt guilty for causing it. What’s wrong with me? That’s not how I am. He felt mad about his feeling. Usally he didn’t care about anyone but somehow he cared about Kate. Something in her green eyes made him feel attached to her. He wanted her to feel good. He tried to shake his feelings off. What happened to his thoughts about getting her laid? He smirked, well he still wanted to do that. But tonight he would go party.
He went into a club nearby sitting down in the vip-lounge which overlooked the whole dancefloor. He would definitly have fun tonight. Girls were dancing and drinking. Oh yeah, he would have fun tonight. He grabbed a beer and started sipping at it when he noticed her.
Katelynn was dancing with several guys on the dance floor. She moved her hips seductively. What is she doing, he wondered. He had never seen her like that. She always appeared serious, as if nothing was interesting. He wanted to get back at her for yesterday. Like she said – payback is a bitch and today she would get the payback she deserved.
With a slight buzz, he got up and went to stand behind her. He could smell the alcohol she drank. She was drunk and didn’t even notice him behind her. She only pressed herself against Nick, making him horny. He had to get them out of here somehow. But how could he without her flipping out when she saw it was him. He couldn’t really do anything here, he was well-known and people were watching him. He guessed paparazzi weren’t far away either. Word got around fast when the boys were here.
“Do you trust me?” he whispered in her ear. Her answer was a laugh. But she thought it could be fun so she started nodding her head.
“Close your eyes!” And she did. When she felt a cold breeze hitting her and the music quieting she knew she was outside.
“Open your eyes!”
She just stared at him. This couldn’t be happening. She turned around right away, she just wanted to get away from him. But he wouldn’t let her go in again. Instead he pulled her towards him again, kissing her hard. At first she fought back but it didn’t take long for her to weaken. Nick could taste the alcohol on her lips. But that only got him to want more of her. He pressed her against the wall like she did the day before in the elevator.
“Not here,” she said the minute she was able to take a breath. He just nodded taking her hand, pulling her towards the street to call a cab.
They could hardly control their hands when they arrived at the hotel. Their lips were locked. They just couldn’t get enough of each other. They used the back entrance so no one could see them, creeping to the elevators.
When they finally arrived at his room they fell on the bed and started kissing each other everywhere. Only slowly their clothes came off and they started teasing each other. That’s better than I thought it would be, Nick was smiling. He was again getting what he wanted.
***
Her head was aching and she felt like throwing up. She opened her eyes, looking around. This is not my room, she noticed with fear. Clothes were everywhere and with a cry she saw that she was indeed naked. She slowly turned over to see who was there with her. “Oh my God,”she whispered, shocked. Nick was laying next to her, sleeping like a baby with a pleasant smile on his face. What did she do?
She got up as fast as she could, trying to collect all her clothes. But her shirt was nowhere to be found. She wanted to leave this room so much but she didn’t want to run around with only a bra either. She spotted her shirt laying under him. She would never be able to get it. Frustrated, she took one of his shirts, pulling it over her head.
She tried to be quiet when she ran out of the room. She wanted to get away as far as she could. Kate didn’t understand how something like that could happen. She didn’t remember anything of last night. She went to a club but what happened then?
She unlocked the door to her and Karyn’s suite, running to the bathroom. She had to throw up. Katelynn wouldn’t even look at herself in the mirror. She was disgusted with herself. She took the clothes off again, going for a shower. She turned the water to ice cold. She wanted to get him off of her. She started crying while rubbing her skin hard with shower gel. She wasn’t able to take anything of that anymore. She sank down, breaking down. She was sitting with her back on the cold shower wall, curled up. What would her mom think of her? Her dad? Her sister? Oh God, if Karyn finds out about this she will never forgive me. She will hate me even more than she does now…
That’s when she realized she was completely alone. No one was there to take her in their arms. To let her cry on their shoulder, to just listen to her. And her actions for tonight only made it worse. She felt like a slut. How was she ever able to face her family again? To face him? To face just everyone.
She started crying even harder, her whole body shaking. The cold water running down her already red skin.
***
Lyrics by BSB “Incomplete”
End Notes:
If you like what you read, please leave feedback! =) Thank you!!
Chapter 7 by Sweetyfranzi
Nick opend his eyes slowly when his alarm went off. It read 8 o’clock and he so didn’t want to get up. He went to sleep late but thinking about the reason why made him smile. He finally got her. Pulling her shirt from under him only made him smile more. Not only did he get laid but he even had some kind of trophy.
He sat up and looked at the other side of his king sized bed and like he guessed it was empty. She left and even though he knew she would do it, he was a little hurt. He couldn’t put his finger on the feeling he had and he really didn’t want to. It was a one-night-stand, nothing more, he tried to tell himself and pushed it aside.
Nick got up, collecting his clothes from his floor but he was missing something. Where the hell did my shirt go? he wonderd. It was his favorite and he couldn’t find it everywhere. He was even laying on the floor looking under his bed – nothing. That’s when he knew. She took it, and it annoyed him.
He thought he won and now he knew the game wasn’t over yet.
But on the other side. Could be fun.
***
Katelynn was staring at the ceiling, eyes wide. She hadn’t slept a minute since she got in her room. She didn’t understand how she could let something like that happen. She was always trying to do the right things, so how could she do something so wrong? She felt cheap and wanted to stay wrapped in her blanket forever. She didn’t want to face the world knowing that she made a huge mistake which she couldn’t take back. She didn’t want to face Karyn. She didn’t want to face fans and most of all she didn’t want to face Nick. I’m a slut, was all she could think about.
There was a knock on her door before Karyn opend it. She still didn’t look too happy but when she saw the tearsstreaked face of her sister her eyes held nothing but worry.
“What’s wrong?” she wanted to know but Kate stayed silent and avoided her eyes.
“Is it because of Mom?” she asked quietly. “I miss her, too. Especially the last few days.”
Katelynn found her sister’s eyes and sat up hugging her. “I am sorry.”
“I know,” sighed Karyn, “I am, too.”
They sat there for awhile before Kate spoke up. “We should get some breakfast before we go to the airport. You know what Mom always said,” she smiled a half-smile, “a good breakfast makes a good day.”
Karyn smiled a little, “I go and make myself ready. I wait for you in the living room.”
Kate only noded. She didn’t feel any better than before. She felt, when that’s even possible, worse. I just lied to my sister. And I used Mom as an excuse… She started crying silent tears again. She didn’t understand herself anymore.
***
The breakfast room was full of chatter when Katelynn and Karyn entered it.
Most of the people sitting around were young, probably staying at the hotel because of the boys and it made Kate’s stomach turn around. If they would only know…. They think those guys are made in heaven and that’s just wrong. She looked at the female faces wearing smiles of hope. They want something I had but do they even know it would leave them with nothing but emptiness? She never wanted to be something like a groupie. She hardly was fan of anyone and yet now she felt like she was one of those girls. Groupie… What does it even mean? Sleeping with someone famous. It’s not even something to be proud of, she thought. She pulled the cap she was wearing a little lower to hide her face unable to look at those girls anymore.
“Are you alright?”, Karyn asked worried looking at her daydreaming sister. This trip was to make her happy but did she really want it when it made her own blood unhappy? She didn’t know anymore. This was her dream but she didn’t want her sister’s heart to be torn apart because of it.
“Yeah, I am okay,” Kate forced a smile, “why shouldn’t I be?”
Karyn shrugged, “I don’t know. You looked lost.”
“I was just wondering how we would ever find a table to actually have breakfast,” she laughed even though her heart was breaking all over again. Another lie…
“I’ll find us some nice table while you can pick some breakfastfor yourself! Sounds good?”
Katelynn only nodded, not being able to say anything more because her sister was already gone. I am not even hungry, she sighed. Stepping more into the room she noticed the whole place was full of walls and huge vases filled with beautiful flowers. It was impossible to see any people behind them and that’s just the direction where Karyn went. She honestly wondered how she would find her again. I can worry about this later, she told herself before taking the way to the buffet which was right in the middle of all those pretty blossoms. It hold all kinds of things to eat for any taste. Scrambled eggs, bacon, toast, muffins, pancakes,…
Since she wasn’t hungry at all but didn’t want to give Karyn another reason to worry she headed to some chocolate cornflakes, taking a bowl and pouring some into it. When she was reaching for milk, she heard him and she froze in her spot right away.
“You know… I would really like to have my shirt back.” Nick was only standing a few feet away from her. He made sure noone else was around so noone would be able to hear them. He didn’t want to have his private life spread all over the papers or even discussed in forums he knew about. And even though he liked teasing her, he also knew it was between him and her only.
Katelynn stayed silent. Can he please just go away? He was the last person she wanted to see. He caused her emotional pain, he was the reason why she had to fight hard right now to not lose any tears infront of him.
“It’s my fav shirt and it’s really not nice for you to steal it out of my room while I was sleeping. I feel used now, did you know?”
He really tried his best to sound playful but the only words Kate could hear were “steal” and “used”.
To say she was pissed was an understatement. She tried to swallow it down but she just couldn’t. She turned around facing him with clenched teeth, her eyes still hidden by her baseball cap.
“You can’t be serious!”, she spit.
“Why not? You obviously stole it from my room. You wanna sell it on ebay?” He laughed. “I could give you other shirts for that!”
Now she looked at him with tearstreaked eyes, full of hurt and anger. “How dare you talk to me like that? Do you think that’s what I wanted? I give a damn about your shirt or for whatever,” she tried hard not to cry while speaking loudly, “and don’t you dare telling me something about being used.”
He didn’t know what to say. Nick was speechless. All he could do was looking at her, looking into her eyes. It seemed like she cried all night, her eyes red and fresh tears filling them. Her body was trembling lightly. That’s when he realized that this whole situation was anything else but funny. She was hurt. I hurt her.
He stepped closer, trying to wipe a tear away. “I am sorry,” he whispered. He never meant to hurt her. He wanted to have some fun but not of the cost of deeply hurting someone.
Katelynn slapped his hand away. “Don’t touch me!” That’s the last thing she I want. “For you
life is nothing more than a game. The only thing you want to have is fun and no price is too high. But let me tell you what – it’s not like that. Life is no freaking game to play. It’s hard. I don’t know what you think it is but it’s not that. You have absolulty no clue. You never lead a normal life. You probably think having another girl every freaking day is normal. It’s not!”
She took a deep breath before continuing
“You have no respect of females. You hurt them every day of your oh so great life. But let me tell you what. I am no freaking groupie. I never was and I never will be. I am not one of your little sluts who see your bed for one night.I don’t want any attention, I don’t want people looking at me with hate. I don’t want your damn money. Money doesn’t give you a thing. Money doesn’t love you, money can never be a friend to you. I could care less that you are famous. For me you are just an asshole like any other guy is. I did not use you. You used me and you know it as well as I do!” A tear slipped down her cheek. She didn’t know what to say anymore. She felt lost and fragile like a little girl who wanted nothing more than to see her mommy. That’s just not possible, she sighed.
“I didn’t want…,” Nick tried to say.
With a now calm voice she interrupted him, “It’s not about what you want or even what I want. It’s not just about what we want anymore since yesterday.”
She looked at him with sad eyes, he nodded. Nick knew what she was talking about. It was not only her that was hurt but her sister was hurt, too.
“Don’t make it up to me. What’s done is done. But make it up to Karyn.” With that said she turned around, pulling her cap lower again to avoid the interested glances she got from some females now. That’s what I didn’t want… I don’t want to be looke at like I have two heads.
Nick stood in his spot a minute longer. He needed to let the words she said sink in. She’s right, he swallowed. He would make it up again. First to Karyn and then to her. He just had to because even though she was speaking mad at him he saw that there is more to the girl named Katelynn then anything he had seen until now. She had a story to tell and he would try to figure it out. On a normal basis. No more using, he swore himself.
***
“I thought you were kidnapped!” Karyn laughed when Kate finally made it to their table.
Katelynn just shrugged. She really didn’t feel like talking. Even though she was not tired before she longed for a bed now, or just for a place to be alone to find some peace and some time to sleep. “Go and get yourself somethig to eat. We have a flight to catch,” she tried to say cheerful. Lying wasn’t one of her strength. With raised eyebrows Karyn got up from her chair. Something was defenitly wrong in her mind but she let it slip.
“Do you want me to bring you anything?” Karyn asked.
Her sister looked confused when she finally noticed that she didn’t bring anything with her to the table. Great, now I even forgot my food, she rolled her eyes. I wish that guy would just leave me alone so I could forget what happened. I just want my normal life back. I long to be me again.
“No thanks, hon. I eat something at the airport. I am not hungry anymore.”
Even though Karyn was wondering about the ‘anymore’ she went into the direction of the buffet. Her sister may have lost her appetite but she surely didn’t.
Katelynn watched her go. So innocent. I hope she won’t get her heart broken anytime soon.
Right at that thought she saw Nick again. He searched for eyecontact when he approached her sister. He nodded as sign that he would make it up again but Katelynn just looked away. At least Karyn’s day will be made. She lay her head into her hands, closing her eyes. Could it be any worse? A tear ran over her cheek but she didn’t care anymore. She felt numb, longing to be someone else.
***
She wipes a tear from her brow
She's been crying again
She's been walking into walls again
Behind her quivering smile
There's a secret
That goes deeper than the cuts she hides
Her head's spinning around
He beat her soul to the ground
A grown woman in pain
And all she longs to be
Is that little girl again
She screams inside
And all she wants to be
All she wants to be
is yesterdays's child
She wants to hide
She can't run away
to the safety of yesterdays child
Curled up, shivering, alone
She's been hurt again
She's been walking into walls again
A grown woman in pain
And all she longs to be
Is that little girl again
She screams inside
And all she wants to be
All she wants to be
is yesterdays's child
She wants to hide
She can't run away
to the safety of yesterdays child
***
Lyrics by Brian McFadden – “Walking into walls”
Chapter 8 by Sweetyfranzi
Author's Notes:
I am looking for someone who has the time to proofread my chapters and is willing to give me an honest opinion. If you are interested please write me an email to: dolphinfranzi9@aol.com
You will be able to read chaps before anyone else! ;)
“God Nick!!” AJ said annoyed. “Where have you been? Does it take you forever to pee now?”
“What?” Nick was quite confused.
“You said you go to one of the bathrooms. That was thirty minutes ago. Did the toilet swallow you and spit you out again?”
“Not that it’s your business but I didn’t even went to the restrooms.” Nick sat down in his chair to finally get some breakfast.
AJ looked at him funny. “Did you pee in some of the plant?” He started laughing.
Nick could only shake his head. Sometimes Alex was a little too much to handle.
“No. I was talking to a girl.” He didn’t look at his friend and acted like he didn’t even say anything at all. He didn’t feel like talking about it. Not after talking with Karyn who nearly talked his ear off. He guessed she just couldn’t believe her luck but anyway. He was a normal person, too. No need to freak out. Sadly not a lot of people think that way…
“A girl? What girl?” He had been sitting waiting for Nick long enough. Now he at least wanted to know what was going on.
Nick sighed. “It’s not important, okay? Can I please just eat something before we need to get going again?” He was starving and the thought about flying without anything in his stomach made him sick. If only he would shut up. It’s none of his business.
“No-uh,” AJ was shaking his head. “Spill it Carter. I didn’t sit on my booty for all this time just to watch you chewing on a sandwich.”
Nick could only roll his eyes. How old was he again? 27? His friend surely didn’t act that way.
“Remember the girl that was thrown out of soundcheck yesterday?”
“Yeah I do. What about it?” Now he was curious.
Nick thought about how to say it carefully. He didn’t want AJ to know what was going on in detail. He just wanted him to leave him alone.
“I talked to her sister and invited them again.”
His tattood bandmemeber could only raise his eyebrow. This surely would make some people pissed. He looked at Nick questionally.
“She didn’t have to do with anything what happened and was sad. I don’t wanna have sad fans around, you know? She didn’t even know why she was thrown out. Think about the comments on message boards –Backstreet Boys throwing out invited fans – that wouldn’t make us look good, now would it?”
“That’s true. Look Nick, I don’t mind – it’s obviously a thing going on between you and that girl but you better talk to Kevin about it, okay? And the guards to let them know.”
Nick only nodded. Finally he could enjoy his breakfast.
***
Katelynn on the other hand didn’t enjoy her breakfast at all. Nick only made it worse if that was even possible. He had talked with Karyn for awhile and now she couldn’t sit still and always said “oh my god, I just talked to Nick Carter”. She didn’t understand her sister’s behavior but kept quiet since she was so happy about it. Her sisters dream come true was her nightmare.
He invited both of them to the soundcheck in Cleveland but that was not even the worst of it. He had the bright idea to let them come backstage, too. She could hide at soundcheck but she couldn’t backstage. It made her a little mad again. She felt corned. Didn’t she tell him she wanted to be left alone? If not I surely have to do it again. Who does he think he is?
She was glad when they got back to their suite because that’s when she had a little time to herself without her way too excited sister.
She slowly collected all her things to get ready. They had to catch a flight which would bring them to Cleveland, Ohio in two hours. She didn’t want to go. It wasn’t any different then the days before. She was doubting if her decision to make this trip was the right one yet again. She really wanted to go home, crawl into her bed and hide.
Her feeling didn’t get much better when she found Nicks shirt laying halfway under the hotel bed. She stared at it for quite some time. It brought back memories she wanted to forget. It showed her once again what happened last night. She couldn’t just ignore it now. She felt helpless. Swallowing hard she picked it up and folded it together, putting it deep down in her luggage.
When she was done packing she sighed looking around her room. Maybe by leaving this hotel behind she would also leave some emotional pain here. She quietly closed the room. It was time to move on.
***
“Karyn?” Kate asked after unpacking in yet another suite.
Karyn looked at her with shining eyes. She was still hyper from her accounter with Nick. She couldn’t believe how that could even happen. He said he was sorry for the day before and he wanted them to come again to make it up. She never thought about the boys caring so much about their fans. She would have guessed that they did not even notice someone thrown out. But Nick did. He knew her name, he asked her to come. Not anyone else – her. Well, he asked about Katelynn, too, but that didn’t matter for her. In her dreams he just asked her sister to come along to be nice.
She finally snapped out of her daydreaming. Her sister wanted to ask her something.
“Yeah?”
“You wanna come down to the pool with me? Maybe relax a little? I mean you are always sitting in the lobby and since you met that Nick dude today in person you could come with me, don’t you think?”
Katelynn just wanted to let go of the stress for awhile. Laying in the sun, working on her tan, maybe go for a swim. She wanted to be peaceful again, not full of thoughts. She hoped for a little sleep as well. But sleep wasn’t always good she learned. She had nightmares since her mom died and waking up sweaty infront of people wouldn’t really be the best idea. What happens – happens, she thought.
Karyn on the other side took some time to make her decision. She was right he met who she wanted to meet already, even though she wouldn’t mind another confrontation. There is always tomorrow. On that thought she put a bright smile on her face.
“Sure, I’ll come with you.”
***
Nick was busy looking for Kevin.
AJ was right when he said he should let his older brother know about the new inventation to Katelynn and Karyn. He would freak out when he would see them again tomorrow without any warning.
Because of some reason Nick was nervous. He had a bad feeling in his stomach and it surely did not come from the flight. He could already sense yesterday that Kevin didn’t like Katelynn at all. He didn’t question her, he judged her right away even thought it was not her fault at all. He felt guilty after it happen and he felt even worse since his accounter with her in person this moring. Noone would have thought that so many thing happen in just so few hours.
He now knew it was not his smartest move to make. He should have waited, he should have let her time. He saw how much he hurt her and he saw so much more. He looked into her eyes and for Nick it felt like he looked into her soul. It seemed like there were so many things undiscovered just waiting to be revealed. She had the same look in her eyes as he did when he felt hurt and that’s when he felt some kind of connection. He wanted to get to know her without any hard feelings, without thinking of her as some bed bunny. She was not and he saw it all in her eyes and he heard it from her himself.
Nick didn’t really know what pulled him to her. But something lay in her eyes that called him. She was ignoring things just like he did so many times, so many years. Maybe it was finally time to let some things go because even though he didn’t know her at all, he trusted her with his life. It was a strange feeling and it scared him but he was liking it all the same.
***
“… and then he invited me to come backstage tomorrow….”, Karyn explained for the hundredth time.
When her and Katelynn come down to the poolarea, Kate actually thought she would find some time to calm down and to not think of the person called Nick Carter again.
They walked along the pool when they finally arrived at their destination. It was quiet and not many people were around. Most of them were older and probably didn’t care about boybands anymore. Katelynn relaxed right away sensing that most fans were either standing outside of the hotel or waiting in the lobby for someone to show up.
They found a nice spot in the back and lay down on some benches. Just when Kate wanted to close her eyes she heard footsteps coming closer. When she actually opened her eyes again about there were 5 girls sitting around her sister.
“Hey Karyn. We saw he this moring talking to Nick and we wanted to ask you how it was!” Some skinny blonde girl said.
And that’s when Kate’s quiet afternoon went to nowhere. Karyn didn’t even think to send them away, she was back to her cheerful mood all again and noone seemed to be able to stop her from talking.
Katelynn was annoyed and left the pool after hearing her story twice already. More and more girl came up. Noone could belive how and why Nick asked her to come backstage. They didn’t understand and she seriously thought not even Karyn understood. The real reason for this whole mess was Kate herself. But nobody knew and that’s just how she wanted it.
She went to their suite again picking up a package of cigerettes she hadn’t touched in years. She didn’t really plan on using them when she put them in her bag at home. But now she was glad she actually did. It seemed like she couldn’t realx anywhere, so some kind of drug would have to do. She would hate herself afterwards and she knew it but right now she didn’t care.
She had an idea. Maybe there was a place to have some peace after all. She locked the door again before getting to the elevator pushing the up-button.
***
Nick finally found Kevin in Marcus’ room. He actually planned on taking to Kev first but since he had them both at once he took would he got.
“What’s up Nicky?” Kevin asked trying to sound funny.
Nick didn’t even start yet and he was already annoyed. He hated to be called ‘Nicky’. That made it sound like he was some little kid and he was not. He was an adult of 25years. He just wondered when Kevin was finally ready to accept that.
“I wanted to talk to you two about something. You better say nothing at all and just listen, alright?”
Kevin and his bodyguard Marcus were sitting on a table, nooding there heads.
“Go ahead.”
“Look… You have thrown out that girl and her sister yesterday, right? I just wanted to let you know that I invited both of them for tomorrow’s soundcheck and I invited them backstage.”
Kevin started laughing. “You are kidding, right?” He looked at Nick, waiting. But Nick didn’t laugh, he didn’t even smile. He was dead serious.
“No way!” Kevin said loudly. “She was disrespectful to everyone of us and you want her to come backstage? Are you insane?”
“No, I am not! It was my decision and if she was disrespectful – she was to me. Because I said something to get that reaction out of her. You don’t own the world Kevin. She will be there tomorrow and you better don’t do anything to her or …”
“Or what? What do you wanna do Nick?” He was getting mad at him. Noone is allowed to go backstage and now he invited some random girl who showed him the finger?
“Don’t act like you are so much better Kevin. You are not alone in this band.And this was MY decision,” he yelled, going for the door, throwing it shut.
Nick wanted to scream. He hated those situation. For so many people he was still the little boy who doesn’t know how to make the right decision. But I am 25 damn years old now. Arghh. They have to show me some respect.
He wanted to be alone now but he didn’t know where to go. He was sure it wouldn’t take Kevin long to follow him to his room and he really wasn’t up for a fight now. He couldn’t go downstairs either or even out. Fans were everywhere. There was only one place left he cold think of.
***
Katelynn was on top of the hotel. She found a way to it’s roof which was clean and with some chimney like spots to sit on.
She took a seat on one where she could overlook the whole city. It was a nice view. All that was missing was her cigarettes. When she finally found one, she lit it and took a deep long smoke. That feels good…, she sighed and closed her eyes.
“You should lay off those thingies. They are no good anyway.” Nick was surprised to see Katelynn on top of the building. He came here to get away from life for awhile and obviously she did, too.
She only let her head hang and groaned. Why is HE here? God, just let me die…
“You know I don’t wanna bother you, you obviously came up here to hide and to be honest I had the same reason. Life isn’t always easy and sometimes we don’t want anything else but to escape.”
He walked past her and watched down on the streets. There was so much going on and yet everything was so quite. Thousand thought going trhough thousends minds and yet they only could hear theirselves.
“I am not the asshole you think I am,” he continued.
No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes
“I have a reason for acting like I do.” He turned around to look at her but she didn’t met his eyes. Kate took another smoke instead and closed her eyes. She didn’t care about what he had to say. She had her own business to deal with.
And no one knows
What it's like to be hated
To be fated to telling only lies
“I have been in this business since I was a kid. I joined the band when I was 13 years old. I loved it. We had fame and fans who loved us. We had money to spend. But in the end it was not everything we got. We got a lot of hate, too, and we still do.”
He took a seat beside her. He didn’t even know why he was telling her all that.
“To be honest I am lonely.”
Katelynn snickerd. If he is lonely, what am I? she wondered.
“I don’t know who actually likes me for me.” He sighed again. She didn’t know where he was coming from.
“You think I hurt all those girls. But I got hurt, too. I got hurt bad in my life. Girls used me all the time and some day I just stopped carrying. I was sick of hurting. And basicly it’s their own fault they get hurt, you know? They throw themselves at me. In the end they just get what they wanted.” He took a deep breath. “I feel guilty most of the time I wake up because I know I destroyed someone’s dream. Sometimes I just can’t stop myself. It’s my way to drown the pain. My way to ignore this longing for love. True love.”
But my dreams they aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free
“My parents being divorced didn’t help much either. They always were my idols when it came to love and it ended in a mess. My mom was arrested for a day and my dad is already married again. Keeping those girls at distance is my way from getting hurt.”
No one knows what its like
To feel these feelings
Like I do, and I blame you!
“I was an ass to you and I wanna say I am sorry. It was never my intention to hurt you this bad. I wasn’t used at someone saying ‘no’ but I appreciate that you did because it shows me again that I am not much better than anyone else. You were right with that.”
No one bites back as hard
On their anger
None of my pain and woe
Can show through
“I hope you forgive me one day because I really think you are a great girl and I just saw that too late.”
No one knows what its like
To be mistreated, to be defeated
Behind blue eyes
Nick slowly got up. He said way to much already and he wasn’t even sure Katelynn listened to him at all. At least she didn’t look like she did. Her face showed no emotion. Her cigarette has been replaced by another. Maybe it wasn’t right for him to say all those things but he felt a little better.
No one knows how to say
That they're sorry and don't worry
I'm not telling lies
He turned to her once again before heading inside again. Her back was now facing him.
“I know you don’t like me inviting Karyn. And I sure do know that you don’t like me inviting you. But I will do it again. I want you to be there tomorrow, okay? Nothing will happen I promise you that. I can act like I don’t know you if you want me to. I really didn’t want to bother you with anything.”
He walked inside the building, softly whispering “I am sorry”.
No one knows what its like
To be the bad man, to be the sad man
Behind blue eyes
A small tear ran down Katelynn’s eye when she tunred around watching him leave. Maybe even him has a heart.
***
Lyrics by Limp Biskit - “Behind blue eyes”
End Notes:
Thank you for reading chapter eight! =) Feel free to review - it's very much appreciated! Thx.
Chapter 9 by Sweetyfranzi
Author's Notes:
If you read, please leave feedback! =) Thank you!
Come on baby will you pose for my camera?
Lookin' like a model, lookin' like a superstar
***
I so don’t wanna get up, Katelynn thought when she heard the alarm clock getting off. She didn’t sleep well last night. It wasn’t really unusual because of her nightmares but this night she didn’t dream of her mom. This night she dreamt of Nick, about what he had said, it just wouldn’t leave her mind. She hated the fact that he seemed to have some kind of control over her and meeting him backstage today would hardly help. She groaned. Just thinking about it made her sick. It can’t get any worse, can it?
Kate crawled out of her bed, shivering when she felt the cold hitting her. Stupid AC. She didn’t want anything else but a big, hot cup of coffee. She wouldn’t be able to make it trough the day without it.
“Good Morning”, Karyn grinned at her when she spotted her sister coming out of the bedroom. “Morning”, Kate mumbled back.
“Can you believe we are going backstage today? Oh my God, it’s like a dream come true. I can’t wait to go the venue. Can we go early? Pleeeeeaaase???”
Katelynn already felt her headache arriving. A dream come true? More like hell freezing over. “Sure.”
***
And here they were again - Standing in between hundreds of singing and screaming teenage girls. It was just a little after 2pm. The concert wouldn’t start before 8pm and yet these girls got their hopes up to catch just a small glimpse of ‘their’ boys before they took the stage.
Katelynn thought it was a little sad. Didn’t they have anything better to do then stand in front of a venue? She often wondered how someone could ‘fall’ for someone they didn’t even know. They left their hearts and money behind. And for what? Maybe it was to catch a smile, a wave, maybe even a hug. But was it worth all that? She had no clue and probably would never find out.
Karyn was talking a mile per minute, feeling good in her spot. Kate on the other hand felt out of place. She didn’t want to be here, didn’t want to be one of those girls. But no one would know that she wasn’t here on her own free will. How could they? There were girls her age or even older standing just next to her. She wondered when they would stop dreaming their impossible dream. None of them would ever get to them, really get to them. Maybe a chat or a photo here and there. But they would never get to know the real Boys behind their act. Kate was sure they loved their fans. But did they really touch their hearts and souls? Maybe some of them but she bet they could care less about the crazy fans. The fans who followed them around, sitting in the hotel lobby 24/7, wanting nothing else then to get in there pants. She shook her head. She couldn’t wait for the tour to be over. She wanted to go back to her normal life, real life. Because here in this very spot life felt surreal.
Lost in her thoughts time went by and it was going on 4pm. Time for their second sound check. Kate hoped it would go better then the last time. She would try to behave for the sake of Karyn. She didn’t need a mad sister and she didn’t want one either.
They got their wristbands from the same guy who threw them out the other day. He smiled at Karyn but gave Kate the evil eye. “I’ll be watching you today and you better don’t pull any shit”, he whispered in her ear. She had to bite her tongue to not throw something in his face. So instead she rolled her eyes, walking past him into the arena.
Just like the last time her sister was gone in a second, running to the stage. Katelynn decided to stay in the far end again. She didn’t want any attention drawn to her, and she sure as hell didn’t want to be in the middle of all these fans, pushing to get a little closer to there idols. So instead she went to some far back seats and sat down.
The guys were already on stage warming up. Nick spotted Karyn right away. He was happy that Kate allowed her to come again but was curious if she came as well. He looked up to search for her. It took him awhile to spot her in the far end but as he did he started to smile. An honest smile.
Kate saw it, too. It wasn’t a smirk like the last time. It came from the heart. And somehow it touched her and she couldn’t help but smile back a little. She tried to hide it by looking away but Nick saw it. Maybe we can become friends after all, he thought. He really wanted to make it up to her and today he would try anything to make her see it, too.
She felt someone sitting down next to her. She looked to her left just to see Marcus looking at her, smirking. She sighed and looked to the stage again. I guess he meant it when he said he would be watching me. She was a little pissed but didn’t say anything. Nick didn’t look very happy at the sight either, mouthing the words “I’m sorry” to her. At least she now knew that they cared for their fans. They wouldn’t take any risk letting someone in who might act disrespectful to them or themselves. It made her feel slightly better about Mr. Big next to her.
The boys sang their usual sound check songs and answered as many fan questions as possible before they went backstage. It only took a few minutes for the crowed to clear out leaving only Karyn and Katelynn behind.
“I would like to ask you to put these on”, Marcus handed them two backstage passes, “and then follow me please.”
“Here goes nothing”, whispered Kate. Karyn on the other hand appeared to be jumping out of her skin. She was excited, a permanent smile on her face. She was holding her camera tight, already snapping away. By the time they were back in the hotel she would probably have hundreds of pictures.
***
“Kevin, please be nice to them when they get here”, Nick pleaded with his older friend.
“Why Nick? Do you want me to be as nice to them as the older one was to us? You got to be kidding me. You can not be serious. Why are they here anyway?” Kevin hissed.
“You know, no one has a problem with them but you. They are here because I want them to be. If you don’t do it for me – do it for Karyn. She is the little one. Just a fan who has no clue about your god damn issues. Treat her like you would treat our other fans. You don’t like Kate? Fine. Then don’t. But fact is that I do. Deal with it or leave it because if you don’t I swear I will make this tour living hell for you.”
“Nick, don’t you think you are a little hard on Kevin? I mean he does have a point…,” Brian tried to calm his friend down.
“No Brian. He doesn’t. You know nothing. None of you. I was acting like an ass to her and I got what I deserved for it. What she did had nothing to do with anyone of you. It’s between her and me and I want you to leave it that way. Please…,” Nick nearly begged.
Kevin could only shake his head. “Fine. Whatever. Do what you want but don’t come running back to me when it doesn’t work out like you want it to.”
“I won’t,” Nick sighed. He really had enough of Kevin. I’m 25 years old dammit, not 5. Why can’t he let me make my own decisions? I will have to face the consequences not him. Argh.
Everyone got quite again when there was a knock on the door.
“Come in,” Nick said, looking up.
***
“Okay here we are. What you see in this room stays in this room. Get it?” Marcus asked.
He really tries to scare us, Katelynn thought. Karyn could only stutter a “yes”. Kate rolled her eyes but shook her head yes, too. We might as well get done with it. I just hope Kar doesn’t faint or something, she laughed to herself, earning evil eyes from Mr. Big again.
“Okay, then go ahead and knock. Always remember that these five guys are human beings like every one of us is. So please don’t freak out.”
But Karyn didn’t hear that part anymore. She was already busy knocking on the door. She heard a quite ‘Come in’ before she opened the door.
***
It was her dream come true. AJ, Brian, Howie, Kevin and Nick. They were standing right in front of her. She let out a squeal making them smile.
Katelynn was the first to speak, sensing her sister was still too star struck to say anything. “Hey, my name is Katelynn and the speechless girl next to me is Karyn. Thanks for inviting us. It’s nice to meet you all,” she said putting on a smile, shaking their hands. Everyone of them greeted her with a warm smile, everyone but the tall black haired man. What’s his problem, she wondered. She shrugged it of stepping back again giving Karyn the time of her life. She took her time making her way over to Brian but before he knew it she was hugging him. Kate was a little embarrassed but Nick smiled at her shrugging his shoulders. Seems like they are used to it.
Karyn moved on until there was no one else to hug. She smiled a big smile asking them all kinds of questions. But they took their time answering her very patiently. Kate was amazed by seeing it unfold in front of her eyes and was glad to see her sister so happy. When someone deserved it, it was her. She went through so much. These guys were able to make her eyes sparkle again, it meant so much to her. Right at this moment Katelynn could do nothing more then to love these guys for having such an effect on her sister. Even Nick.
“Can I take a picture with you?” she heard Karyn ask them shyly, pulling her out of her thoughts again. I knew this would be coming, why am I even surprised?
“Sure,” AJ said smiling at her.
The camera was pushed into her hands, hopeful eyes asking her to take a few pictures. She could have at least said please. She shrugged it off, getting ready to make this moment unforgettable.
The boys lined up ushering Karyn in the middle. All six of them had bright smiles on their lips, ready for Kate to shoot the picture.
It didn’t take long for it to turn into a full photo session with the guys goofing off.
At the end they had individual pictures been taken. Each guy with Karyn and all of them with her. Some with silly faces and some with serious. Kate only shook her head knowing these pictures would be plastered all over her room the next month.
“Hey, why aren’t you in any picture?” Brian wondered.
Katelynn looked surprised.Her? Why should she be in one of these pictures? It’s not like this is my dream.
“Yeah, why aren’t you?” Nick laughed snatching the camera away from her, snapping a picture, blinding her with the flashlight.
He gave the camera to Karyn who was glad to get a break. She watched Nick pulling Kate in the middle of them all. She didn’t really feel happy about her spot and she could see it. But looking at her with puppy dog eyes seemed to help. She saw her rolling her eyes before she put on a smile. She knew it was a fake one but it was better than nothing.
Katelynn felt uncomfortable standing between Nick and Kevin. She sensed that Kevin couldn’t stand her, being careful to not even touch her. She looked at him with narrowed eyes before she heard someone whisper in her ear, “Don’t worry about him, he tends to be an ass once in a while.” Feeling Nicks breathe in her neck made her blush a crimson red. Suddenly she didn’t feel that strong at all anymore, but weak in the knees. She had to get away from him.
“Thank you so much for taking the time to meet us but I think it’s time for us to let you guys go. Relaxing a little more before going on stage tonight,” she said moving next to Karyn again. Karyn looked sad but nodded her head when she saw how uneasy Kate felt.
“Yes, thank you so much,” she said hugging them all again. “I had a great time and can’t wait to see you on stage later,” she smiled.
Kate wanted to thank them by shaking there hands again but Nick had other plans. He pulled her towards him, hugging her lightly. She felt him slipping her something in the hand before letting her go again. He smiled at her before sitting back on the couch again.
Kate said her goodbyes to the other four before taking Karyn’s hand pulling her out of the room.
“Oh my God Kate!!! Can you believe that just happened?” her sister started squealing again. She was way to hyper and Katelynn dreaded to spent the whole night with her acting this way. But she was curious about something else. She held the piece of paper tight in her hand, wanting to know what it said.
“Hey, let’s use the bathroom, okay? I feel like I am going to burst!” she tried to laugh it off.
Finally finding one she walked into a stall, locking the door and sitting down. She took her time unfolding the note actually scared about what she may find. Isn’t he done playing games by now?
Finally she was able to read what he wrote:
Meet you on top of the roof again after the concert?
She wasn’t sure what to think, wasn’t sure what to do. She folded the note again, putting it in her pocket.
I guess we have to wait and see. And with that she met her sister again, getting ready for another concert.
***
Lyrics by Justin Timberlake – “Pose”
End Notes:
If you read, please leave feedback! =) Thank you!
Chapter 10 by Sweetyfranzi
Author's Notes:
If you like what you read - please leave feedback! =) Thank you!!
Your whole world falls apart
Just know that when you hear the rain
Even heaven cries
Everybody cries
It's ok to doubt
Yourself sometimes
You don't have to be afraid
Of what you fear inside
It's all right, it's all right
´Cause even heaven cries
***
The concert was over for quite some time now and Katelynn was surprised to find herself on top of the hotel. She had no clue why she followed his lead or what she had to expect. To be honest she didn’t know anything anymore. She felt empty and there wasn’t anything left he could take from her. Maybe she hoped that he could make her feel again. But why him? He hurt her deeply and the cut would leave a scar behind and yet he brought some kind of comfort when she looked into his eyes. It was like she could see his soul and something told her not to let go just yet.
But he let her wait and she was getting frustrated. Was this some kind of joke again? She sighed. She waited for well over two hours and there was still no sign of him yet. She looked at her watch and rolled her eyes when she saw that it was going to 1am. Kate slowly got up from her spot, ready to leave. Why wait any longer? I will just get sick sitting here.
She just reached the door when he suddenly stood before her. He was out of breath. Nick probably jogged up the stairs to see if she was still there or there at all. And he was glad he made it in time.
“Sorry I’m late!“ he apologized, looking into her eyes. “Some magazine wanted to interview us after the concert. We didn’t know but management said we had to do it. It was not my purpose to let you wait.”
Kate turned back around walking to her previous hiding place again. “Why am I even here,” she asked softly sitting down, looking away from him.
“Because I wanted to thank you for letting Karyn come today. It seemed like she was having fun.”
“Yeah, it made her happy. She couldn’t stop talking about it all night long,” Kate said smiling a sad smile.
Nick sat down in front of her, touching her chin to make her look at him. “But what about you? I would love to see you being happy, too,” and to her surprise he appeared sincere.
She tried hard no to cry, blinking her eyes, trying to look away from him again but he wouldn’t let her. “You hurt me,” she whispered, closing her eyes, letting a tear slip. She hated herself for letting him see her so weak but she couldn’t help it.
“I know. And I can’t say sorry enough for it.” Nick wiped away her tears. He really did hurt her but he knew that her tears were not tears because of him, at least not all of them. There was something else and he wanted to know her better to understand the reason for her pain. “I will try to make it up to you!“
“How?” Kate opened her eyes again, looking straight into his.
“By being honest. No more playing around.”
“But why me?” she asked shaking her head. She didn’t get it. “What is it about me that you can’t just leave me alone?”
Before he spoke further he got up and sat down next to her, staring right in front.
“Your story,” he said so quiet she could hardly understand him.
Now it was Kate’s turn to look at him again. With narrowed eyes she whispered “My story?”
“Yeah,” he paused, thinking about what to say next. “It feels like you have me in some kind of spell. At first I thought it was pour attraction. I tried to see you just like I see nearly any other girl. I know that sounds shitty but that’s how it is. And that is what actually got us in this mess. But it didn’t take me long to figure out that there is more to you. I think I saw it the first time I have seen you. There is this sadness in your eyes and I want to know why. A beautiful girl like you shouldn’t have such sad eyes. Your eyes should be sparkling and I do want to see them doing just that. I have been to hell and back in my life and somehow – I don’t know why – I want to pull you out of yours.”
“And if I don’t want you to pull me out of it?” Who does he even think he is, Kate wondered, who gave him the right?
“You might not want me to but Katelynn,” he turned towards her again, “anybody needs somebody and honestly – who do you have here on tour? I know that I have so many people around me and yet I feel alone. You have Karyn but can she give you what you need?”
“You know what I need?” She asked with cold eyes.
But Nick wasn’t taken aback by her stare. Whatever it was that she hid so well, she wouldn’t be able to handle it alone. He had tried once and well… let’s say it didn’t turn out so well.
“What you need is a friend, a shoulder to cry on, someone to listen. You can say you don’t but that would be a lie.”
And with that said they sat. Silence fell between them, the only sounds could be heard from the street.
***
They were lost in their thoughts for at least an hour before Kate spoke again.
“Tell me about yourself,” she spoke softly leaning her head in Nick’s direction.
He chuckled. “Wow, it’s been forever since I had to tell someone about me. Normally they know everything or at least think they do. Internet is a bitch, you know? Anyway, what do you want to know?”
“Start from the beginning I guess. The basics because right now I hardly know anything about you but your name.”
Nick couldn’t hide his smirk. “You know a lot more about me!”
Kate could only gasp at him. Chuckling she hit him in the arm. “That is not what I was talking about!”
“I know, I know. Sorry,” he laughed. “Uhm, okay... I was born January 28th, 1980 in Jamestown, New York. My full name is Nickolas Gene Carter but as you hear everybody calls me Nick. My parents are Jane and Bob Carter. I have one brother and three sisters.”
“Wow, that’s a big family.”
“No kidding!” he said. “We moved around a lot when I was little. Always chasing after the dream of being famous one day. We hardly had money but my mom paid for singing lessons and I tried to audition for everything available. I even tried the Mickey Mouse Club but they turned me down. Who knows where I would be if they had taken me. Probably a member of N Sync,” he was laughing now. “Anyway, I met Howie and AJ down the road. We had auditions together. Little did we know back then that we would spend our whole lives with one another one day. It feels so weird looking back. So much has changed,” he sighed.
“Is that how you became a member of the Backstreet Boys? Audition?” Kate was curious. She had no clue how someone could live a life like that. She wanted to know how he became the person he is today.
“Yeah. Brian was the last to join. At first it was only Howie, AJ, Kevin and me. But something was missing. So Kevin called up his cousin and a few days later we became the Backstreet Boys. April 13th, 1992 to be correct.”
“That’s a long time ago. You were only twelve.”
“Yeah, I missed out on a lot of things. I never got to do the things normal teenagers would do. I mean I never went to high school. Never attended prom and stuff like that. It doesn’t really bother me most of the time but sometimes I wish I could have done those things.”
“But your life changed for the better, didn’t it?”
“A lot of things changed for the better, yes. But other things only got worse.”
“Like?”
“Like I got this money. We used to have trouble paying the rent and suddenly I was able to buy my family a mansion. I travelled the whole world, met so many people and learned so much on the road. But on the other hand things with me family got worse.” Nick closed his eyes thinking. “My mom tried to push my siblings into the business. Aaron was only seven when he released his first record. Singing about love, things he had no idea of. And it changed him. I love him to death but sometimes he is so stubborn. It seems like he doesn’t know what to do with his life. Yeah, he wants to keep singing, wants to release another album but things changed since he was this young. He can’t count on his former fans. If he is getting out there again he needs to start from zero but he doesn’t get it. I think sometimes he thinks he owns the whole world. He needs to see that the business changed, too. It’s not easy to have success these days when you stay quite and don’t cause bad press. It’s sad that this is how it works today. I mean we don’t have the success like we used to either but we are comfortable where we are. At least we now that the fans we have are loyal and don’t change their mind in the next second. I just hope he will make it in the end. I want nothing more then for him to be happy. That goes for my other sibs, too. Angel is into modelling, Leslie sings, too and BJ, well she is the most ‘normal’ one out of us. She has a normal job and isn’t seen by the public eye.”
“Do you see them a lot?” Kate asked. She couldn’t imagine not seeing Karyn at least once every two weeks and he was travelling the world.
“No,” Nick was shaking his head. “I wish I would though. But like I said the business changed our family, too. It broke us apart. My parents are divorced. My dad is already married again and has another son. My mom has problems with money and so much else. It’s killing me to even think about it. I hardly talk to her. She used me and my siblings. But she is still my mom and I love her because without her I wouldn’t sit here today,” he now looked at her smiling.
“That’s true. I am sorry Nick.”
“No need to be sorry. I mean I wanted to live this life and I can’t go back now. I just hope that my family will get back on track one day.”
Kate nodded her head, “I hope so, too.” There is actually more to him that I thought.
“What about you? Tell me about yourself.”
“It’s pretty late,” she looked at her watch nervously, “make that early. I need to go. A little sleep can’t hurt. We have to catch a flight in a few hours.”
“You are right and we have to catch one as well. Thanks for being here tonight. It means a lot but I really would like to do that again. You still owe me a little information about yourself. How about tomorrow after the show on another roof?” he laughed, “I bring pizza if you’d like.”
“Sure,” she turned serious again, “but if I let you know about me, it will be nothing but platonic. No kissing, no sex and God forbid no falling in love. Shake on it or leave it,” Kate said standing up.
Nick didn’t want to leave it so he shook her hand instead, standing up himself, a smile plastered on his face, “you will not regret it.”
She sighed, “I so hope I won’t.” She walked to the door. It was time to go back to reality.
“Oh and one more thing,” Kate turned around one last time, “I don’t want Karyn to know about any of this nor anybody else!” And with that she was gone for the night.
Nick looked around one more time before heading for the door as well.
Tomorrow would be an interesting day, that’s for sure.
***
Lyrics by Monrose – “Even heaven cries”
End Notes:
If you have a minute - please leave feedback! =) Thank you!!
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.