~August 20, 2002~

"Wake up sleeping beauty."

"Beth!  Go away!" she whined as she buried her face deeper into her pillow, trying to shut the world out.

"Time to wake up," he continued to coax her.

"Go a-" her words cut off when the voice registered in her brain.  That was most certainly not Beth...unless she'd started taking testosterone and her voice was deepening.  Doubtful.

Katie cracked her right eye open slightly to see who it was.  Sleep still blurred her vision, but she could definitely tell it was not Beth.

"Get up Katie!" Beth called from the living room, "I think you'll enjoy this!"

Katie opened her eye a little farther for a better look.  Definitely not Beth.  Then it clicked.  It couldn't be!  Katie's eyes flew open as she snapped up into a sitting position.  She was face to face with him.  The man she'd only ever dreamed about meeting.  The man she'd begged her best friend to arrange a meeting with.

"What...why...you..." Katie stammered, "Beth!  Get in here!"

Beth came running into the room laughing, "What's up buddy?"

"Umm...I'm not seeing things, am I?  I'm not going crazy.  Please tell me I'm not going crazy and seeing things!  Please God tell me you see him, too?"

"I'm not God, and...see who?" Beth laughed harder.  She was quite amused with herself.

Katie tore her eyes from him just long enough to glare at her best friend.

"Of course I see him!  I sent him in here!  What seems to be the problem?"

Katherine and Bethany, or Katie and Beth as they were better known as, were best friends and roommates.  They knew everything about each other, down to the ridiculous fantasies they each had.  Beth knew that Katie had fantasized about being woken up by a Backstreet Boy...AJ to be exact.  Or Alex as she called him.  They were on a first name basis now, didn't you know?  Beth thought it was ridiculous.

Katie was having a rough few months, so Beth thought she'd do something nice for her best friend.  Beth had connections; she was Nick's cousin after all, so she set this little meeting up.  Nick had owed her, so she was calling in on her debt.  And Nick readily agreed, of course.

"Why?" Katie finally asked.

"Why what?  Why did I send him in here?  I thought it might be better than your alarm clock, but...I could always just send him home.  Thanks anyways Age, but it looks like she's not interested..."

"Don't you DARE!" Katie yelled at her friend, "I just...couldn't you have chosen a better time?  Like maybe when my hair was brushed, and..."

Katie trailed off as she remembered her sleeping attire-a tank top and pajama pants.  Not such an issue for most, but her bruised arms were in clear view now since she'd popped up like she had.  Not to mention the fading bruise on her cheek.  Not much she could do about that without her make-up, but one bruise was easy to explain.  Explaining a bruised cheek and arms was a more difficult task.

"Bed head suits you," AJ finally spoke up.  He'd been quite entertained by the exchange between the two girls.  It was as if they'd been having a conversation half out loud and half telepathically.  It was a girl thing.

He watched Katie as she pulled the blanket up to cover herself more.

"Well...I'm going to finish my cleaning now, so have fun!" Beth exclaimed as she scurried from the room.

"I...wow.  Never thought I'd be woken up by you."

"Is that a bad thing?" he asked her, sitting on the edge of the bed.

"No.  Not at all.  Just...unexpected.  Do you think you could give me a minute?  I just want to go run a brush through my hair.  Maybe change?"

AJ nodded as he stood up.  He took another look at her and left the room, allowing Katie to ‘do her thing'.

Katie got out of bed and went through her drawers, pulling out a long sleeved blue t-shirt and a pair of denim shorts.  Quickly changing her clothes, she went into the bathroom and pulled her short honey brown hair into a pony tail of sorts and applied some make-up.  She made sure to cover the fading bruise on her cheek with cover-up and do one last check in the mirror before going out to the living room.

"Ah, here she is.  So what are you taking my friend to do this afternoon?" Beth grinned.

"As long as we don't get mobbed by screaming teenage girls...I was thinking lunch.  Maybe at the boardwalk.  Just hang out for the afternoon?"

Katie nodded.

"Yeah, I thought it might be nice if AJ hung out with you for the afternoon since you have this major crush-"

"Thank you Bethany, that'll be enough now!" Katie glared at Beth again trying not to blush too red.

AJ smiled at the two girls, "Crush, huh?"

Katie blushed harder, of course, "She's just kidding..."

"I'm just surprised she didn't scream when she saw you in her room.  You are like her fa-"

"Bethany Joy, shut the hell up!" Katie scolded and in an attempt to get out before Beth made any more blush inducing comments she turned to AJ, "Are you ready?"

AJ just laughed and followed Katie out of the apartment.

"Oh, if Dane calls...I'm at the store or sick or something," Katie called back.

"If he comes over here I'm calling the police!" Beth called to the closing front door.

Katie and AJ got into his rented car and drove down to the board walk for a nice lunch.  They chose a restaurant serving a wide assortment of typical boardwalk food and sat down outside in the nice, fresh summer air.  They started eating in silence, watching the kids playing in the sand, chasing the birds, building sand castles.

"So you probably know everything about me," AJ broke the silence, trying not to sound conceited, "but I know nothing about you..."

"Not true.  I know basic facts.  Stuff any fan could get off the net.  Half the time I'm not sure some of that stuff is true.  Anyways, I don't really know you, Alex, I know AJ."

"Wow, that's rare.  It's weird to hear someone say it like that.  A good weird."

"Just the truth.  I'd love to get to know you, Alex, though."

"How about this...we trade questions.  I ask one, then you ask one.  But you have to catch us up to even."

"What do you mean?"

"You know my favorite color..."

"Yellow."

"And my middle name..."

"James."

"And my birthday..."

"January ninth."

"But I don't know any of that about you."

"Okay.  Blue, Faith, and March twentieth."

"Nice.  Right to the point.  Katherine Faith Sullivan.  It suits you."

"Suits me?  Is that a good thing?"

"Very.  Beautiful name for a beautiful girl."

"Well thank you."

"Question number one then..." AJ decided to choose his questions carefully, trying to figure out what he could possibly ask without getting hit or ditched, "Who's Dane?"

"Uh...he's...my boyfriend."

"Is he the one that gave you those bruises?"

"My turn, one question at a time," Katie avoided answering the question, "Does your girlfriend know you are hanging out with some random girl?"

"Ah, girlfriend.  Don't have one of them right now.  Even if I did, I can hang out with whoever I like.  Does Dane know you're having lunch with a Backstreet Boy?"

Katie shook her head no.

"Your turn," he prompted her.

"Is it hard to keep a relationship going when you're on the road?"

"Can be.  But if you want it to work, and it's supposed to work...it will.  Just takes work.  I haven't wanted to work hard enough on any of the relationships I've had in the past," AJ was trying to decide how to get back to his question about the marks, but he didn't want to piss her off, "I..."

Katie knew he was trying to figure it out.  Everyone did.  So she helped him along, "The bruises?"

AJ nodded.

"I'm just clumsy, and I bruise like a peach."

AJ could tell she wasn't telling the truth, but he chose not to push it any further.  So the two sat eating and trading questions, learning about each other's lives.

"Thank you," Katie said after a few minutes of silence.  They had finished eating and were now walking along the boardwalk.  They had fallen into a comfortable silence, not having exhausted conversation, it just felt right.

"For what?"

"Being you.  Hanging out with me this afternoon.  Not pushing the subject of Dane."

"So it is him?"

Katie nodded slowly, trying not to let the tears fall from her eyes.  AJ stopped and turned towards her, wrapping her in his arms.

"This is how a man should touch a woman.  He doesn't deserve you...and you don't deserve that."

Katie let him hug her for a few minutes before they stepped apart and she wiped the tears away.

"I know.  I'm working on it."

"Hey there girlie!  Have fun?" Beth asked Katie as she walked into the apartment later that afternoon.

Beth was sitting on the couch watching tv in their apartment.  At least Katie thought it ws their apartment.

She nodded her head, "What happened in here?"

"I cleaned.  So you went to the boardwalk?" she got another nod, "And did he ask?"

Katie nodded again, "Did he call?"

"Yes Dane called.  About an hour ago.  Don't change the subject on me now.  What did you tell AJ?"

"Not much.  He wants to take me out to dinner."

"So it must've gone well.  Small problem though...Dane wants to see you tonight."

"Didn't you tell him I was sick?" Katie asked, beginning to panic.

"Yeah.  He didn't care.  He said you go see him, or he came here.  I don't want him over here anymore Kate."

"I know, I know."

"He sounded really pissed.  I think you need to just get out of it.  Get a restraining order."

"It's not that easy Beth.  I'll talk to him tonight."

"If he lays a hand on you one more time..."

"What are you going to do?  You've seen him before!"

"I'll call the police.  He has no right to do this."

"I'll take care of it tonight Beth."

"Alone?  Right, like I'm letting you do that."

"I have to end this though.  And if you show up with me...I just don't want him to hurt you, too."

"'Cause hurting just you is so much better," Beth laughed, though it wasn't from the humor of the situation."

"I'll be fine.  What time does he want me?"

"About an hour.  He said if you didn't show up he'd come get you."

--Two Hours Later-

Katie pushed open the front door, slowly.  She knew Beth was going to go ballistic.  She just wanted to get washed up, changed and "fixed" before she was supposed to meet AJ for dinner, but she doubted that would happen...especially since he was already there.

When Katie walked into the apartment AJ was sitting on the chair across from the couch Beth was sitting on.  The mascara and eyeliner she'd been wearing was smudged around her eyes giving her the appearance of a raccoon.  She had a fresh bruise on her cheek, and probably more that weren't visible through her clothes.

"Katie!  Shit, look what he did to you!" Beth jumped up and ran to her friend.

"It's nothing.  I'm fine.  Let me just go get cleaned up," Katie brushed her off and tried to get to her room without breaking down.

"That's not nothing Katie," AJ stood up.

"Hon, what happened?" Beth stood in her path, not willing to allow her friend to pretend like it hadn't happened.

"He got mad when I told him I didn't want to see him again, okay?" Katie yelled, the tears falling from her eyes again.

"What did he say?" Beth prompted her to continue.  AJ stood to the side, not sure how to step in, or if he even should.

"He didn't understand why I didn't want to see him anymore," Katie paused for a deep breath, willing herself to keep going, "He said he couldn't live without me.  He told me that there had to be someone else...that I wouldn't do this to him on my own...he got so mad...he said I was lying...and he hit me...and..."

"Katie, you did the right thing.  You had to get away from him.  We'll go to the police first thing in the morning.  It'll all be okay now."

AJ had gotten up to get some ice for Katie's cheek.  He held it out for her and she slowly took it, putting it to her cheek and wincing at the pain.

At the same moment there was a bang on the door, causing Katie to jump.

"Don't answer it...it's him...please..." Katie quietly begged.

"Kitty-Kat, I'm sorry!" he yelled through the door, "I didn't mean to hurt you baby!"

"Go away Dane!" Beth yelled through the door.

"Come on Kitty-Kat!  I'm sorry!  I didn't mean to hurt you!  You just told me you didn't wanna see me anymore," they heard him yell, his words audibly slurred.

"Beth no...he's drunk..."

"I'm calling the police," Beth said over Dane's yelling.

"Beth no!  Dane, go away!  You are always sorry, but you keep hurting me.  I don't want to see you anymore!"

"Katie, we need to call the police...the neighbors may have already called."

"C'mon Katie baby...open the door," he continued to slur.

"Katie, stop.  We're calling the police," Beth took Katie's hand and pulled her into her bedroom, AJ following close behind.

AJ had chosen to keep silent.  He'd wanted to step in, but he was afraid for Katie.  If he'd made his presence known, who knows what Dane might have done.  He'd certainly have jumped to wrong conclusions, placing AJ and Katie together, and all hell would break loose.

"Katie!  Open the fucking door!" they could still hear him yelling from the other room.

"He's never going to leave me alone," Katie began to cry again.  She was upset for herself and the situation that she'd gotten herself into.  But she was more upset with the fact that she'd dragged her best friend into this situation as well.

"First off, we're not staying here tonight.  We're not safe here.  I'm sure Joe wouldn't mind us crashing over there," Beth thought out loud.  Joe was Beth's boyfriend of...forever.  Katie had always liked him.  He was good for Beth, and he was one of the few reasons Katie still had faith in males.

"Did he hurt you anywhere else?" AJ finally spoke.

Katie shook her head, "Not really.  Maybe my arm.  Beth, Joe doesn't have room for me.  I'll be-"

"You are not staying here," AJ simply stated, "Me and the guys are staying at a hotel close by.  Leigh and Kris are there, too.  I'll crash with one of the guys, and the girls can stay with you.  You're choice, but I'm not letting you stay here alone."

Beth nodded her agreement.  Joe would be fine with her staying over there, but she really didn't want to kick him out of his bed.  He lived in a tiny one bedroom.

"You sure they all won't mind?" Katie was interested in spending more time with AJ.  And who would pass up a chance to meet the rest of the guys and their wives?

"The girls would love another chick around.  I think they're getting sick of us guys."

The decision had been made.  Beth was going to her boyfriend's place, and Katie was going to spend the night with the guys.  There would be five guys there...not to mention the security.  She'd be safe there.  Now they just had to figure out how to get out of there.

Beth had gone to call her boyfriend to fill him in, and the girls packed up a few things.  They could steal here Dane outside, though he it sounded as if he were becoming less persistent.  If they could just wait it out, maybe he'd leave and they could escape.

The pounding stopped, but Katie wasn't satisfied that they were in the clear.  AJ had insisted on peeking outside to see.  When Dane wasn't in sight through the peep hole, AJ cracked the door to take a look.

"We're clear, but we should move fast," he announced.  He led the girls to his car and the three quickly got in and they were off.  There'd been no sign of Dane, and no one had appeared to be following them.

AJ followed Beth's directions and had dropped her off there.  Driving back to the hotel was a little uncomfortable.

"Thanks Alex."

"For what?  It's nothing.  I couldn't leave you alone back there."

They made it to the hotel and AJ was leading her up to the hotel rooms.

"You hungry?" he asked.

"Oh crap!  I completely forgot about dinner!  I'm so sorry!"

"Hey, stop.  We can still do dinner.  We can do room service, and I can introduce you to the guys."

"That sounds great...meeting the guys, I mean...but if it's all the same to you, I don't know if I want them all to see me like this."

"Not a problem."

They ordered room service and sat together, channel surfing and talking.
"How long have you been dating him?

"Dane?  About a year.  I met him through a friend of a friend.  Ben, the friend, never like him, but Oscar, Ben's friend, swore by him.  Ben kept telling me to dump him, but I was stupid.  And then I got in too deep and ended up here," Katie gave the general back story.

"When did he start...getting abusive?"

"Not long after we started dating.  He got really possessive.  Any time I didn't answer on the first ring or was three minutes late when I was supposed to meet him he'd get upset.  At first I told my friends it was an accident.  Ben didn't believe me, and I don't think Beth knew what to think.  So I started really lying.  I would tell him that I'd tripped or something.  And then Dane wouldn't let me see him...or any of my guy friends.  He would tell me only...only sluts would have guy friends other than their boyfriend....and...and that I needed to be put back in line..."

"You need to go to the police Katie.  I'll go with you.  I'll take you in the morning."

"Don't you have work to do or something?"

"We're on a break.  You're stuck with me for the week," AJ grinned.

They'd finished eating by this point, and it was obvious that Katie was exhausted.  AJ cleared the plates from the bed and grabbed a pillow.

"You're falling asleep on me.  I'll take the couch."

"I can't take your bed Alex."

"Yeah, ‘cause I'm gonna let you sleep on the couch," he laughed.

Katie had gotten up now, too.  She rifled through her bag, pulling out a tank top and pair of flannel pants to sleep in.  Turning towards the wall, her back to AJ, she began to change her clothes.

"Ouch, Katie, are you okay?" he noticed an ugly bruise on her lower-right back as she changed her shirts.

"What?" she asked, turning her head to look over her shoulder, "Oh, that.  I guess I forgot it was there."

"I don't know how you could forget that.  It looks like it hurts a whole helluva lot."

"You start to forget about them when they're always there," she sighed, "He's done worse.  Bruises are just the small of it.  He broke my wrist a few months ago.  And the broken ribs.  I'll live."

AJ was amazed that she could just brush it off like she had, but when it was your life, every day for the last year, you just got used to it.  Maybe that's part of why it's so hard to leave.

AJ got as comfortable as he could on the not-so-comfortable couch and watched as Katie curled up under the sheets on the bed.  He barely knew this girl, but he wanted to protect her.  He was determined to protect her.

AJ woke up first the next morning.  In an attempt not to wake her, he sat quietly on the couch watching her sleep.  He watched her chest rise and fall with each breath, studying her face and the bruise that was visibly forming.  He decided he would take her to the police station when she woke up.  After breakfast, that is.

Katie's eyes fluttered open when she felt his eyes on her.  Stretching out, she looked over at him and smiled.

"Good morning," AJ smiled, "Sleep okay?"

She sat up and rubbed the sleep from her eyes, "Yeah.  I did."

"Good.  We'll do breakfast and then I'll go over to the police station with you later this morning."

Katie nodded, "I didn't think you'd forget about that...you mind if I make a quick phone call first?  I wanna check in with Beth."

"No problem."

She picked up the phone and dialed Joe's phone number.

"Hello?"

"Hey Joe," Katie smiled at the sound of his familiar voice, "Is Beth up yet?"

"Sure is.  Lemme find her.  How are you doing this morning?" she could hear moving around on the other end as, Katie presumed, Joe was going through his small apartment to find Beth.

"I've been worse.  I'm doing pretty good this morning.  Thanks for asking," Katie sat in the bed watching AJ while she waited for Joe to find Beth.

AJ was moving around the hotel room, going through bags, and then he disappeared into the bathroom.  Several seconds later he re-appeared with a white hotel wash cloth.  He put it up to her cheek, causing Katie to flinch.

"It's cold!" she whispered.

"Um, yeah, okay...don't even want to know," Beth laughed.

"Shut up perv.  Mind outta the gutter!  Alex just put some ice on my cheek."

Katie could picture Beth rolling her eyes, "Yes captain obvious, ice is cold.  I take it you are being well taken care of then?"

"Very," Katie smiled and looked over at AJ.  Their eyes met and a surge of electricity shot through her body, "Ales is taking me to the police station after breakfast."

"Good.  About that though...remember those pictures I forced you to let me take a few weeks ago, that you made me swear to get rid of?"

"The ones of the bruises?  Yeah.  I had a feeling you've kept them.  Where are they?"

"My dresser...top drawer...in the back, probably under some clothes."

"Thanks hon.  We'll grab them on the way.  Talk to ya later."

Katie hung up and turned to AJ.  She told him about the pictures and he agreed that they would go get them.  They got dressed and left for breakfast.

--An Hour Later--

AJ and Katie had a quick breakfast and had now pulled into the parking lot in front of Katie's apartment building.  AJ moved to turn the car off, but Katie stopped him.

"I'll just be a minute, you don't have to come up."

"You sure?"

Katie assured him that she would be fine to just run up to the apartment before she got out of the car.  A few minutes later she was in her apartment, rummaging through Beth's top drawer.  Having found the pictures, she quickly made her way back through the apartment to the front door.

"I was wondering when you'd come home."

She froze and her blood went cold.  How had she missed him when he came in?  How did he get in here?  She willed her body to keep moving, but it wouldn't cooperate.  She was frozen to her spot.

"What, nothing to say?"

"How did you get in here Dane?" she finally asked, not turning around to look at him.

"Secret hiding place?  You leave a key in the light outside your door.  Or did you forget that?  I saw you get it out of there one night."

"Go away Dane.  We already talked about this last night.  I have somewhere to be," Katie said as calmly as her body would let her and kept moving for the door.

Before she could make it he attached himself to her like a snake on his prey.  Pulling her back by the arm, Katie yelped and the pictures fell from her hand onto the floor.

"Going back to him?" he spat out, yanking her roughly around by the arm, his fingers digging into her skin, "I knew you were cheating on me!"

"Dane stop it!  You're hurting me!" Katie begged.

"You lying little bitch!" he yelled, emphasizing his words with a rough slap across the face.

"Dane, you're hurting me!  Please stop!  I don't want to be with you anymore!"

She wiggled her arm free, feeling his hand burned into her upper arm.  He grabbed hold again before she could get more than two steps.  Wrapping his hand in her hair, he pulled hard.  Yanking her back by the hair he had tangled in his fingers, Katie screamed out and fell backwards.  He dragged her a few steps backwards by her hair before he let go and she dropped completely to the tile floor.  She heard the smack as her skull hit the hard tile, felt the pain shoot through her head.  Seconds later she felt his foot connect with her side as she lay there on the floor, unsure of what to do next.

Katie curled into a ball, tears streaming down her face, wishing it all away.  She was panicking, breathing hard, gasping to get breaths in.  She felt his fists and feet connect with her body, her legs, her head.  Briefly she'd wished he'd hit her just right and end it all there.  Several more hits and she couldn't feel anything anymore.  She was numb.

She couldn't hear his words anymore, she couldn't feel him hit her.  It was like it wasn't her.  Like she'd flown out of her body, and was looking down watching.

Then she heard his voice.  Alex.  He was yelling.  She kept her eyes shut tight, curled tightly into a fetal position.  She was unsure of herself, not sure that it was really him.  Afraid that her mind could be playing tricks on her, she didn't want to take any chances.

Dane had stopped hitting her.  She returned to her own body.  She could feel the soft spots on her skin where bruises would later form, raw patches from rug burn and scratches.  Her head...a million different sensations, and all of them pain.  It hurt from being pulled across the room by her hair, hurt from hitting the tile, hurt from the blows he'd given her, hurt from the entire thing.  She had no more energy.

What seemed like an eternity later she heard a third voice, and then a hand on her shoulder.  Katie flinched at the contact, but realized that it was soft and gentle.

Slowly she uncurled herself and looked up into AJ's eyes.  He was really there.

She scanned the apartment.  Everything seemed so surreal, like it wasn't actually happening.  It was all a dream, a nightmare, and she'd wake up back in AJ's hotel room.

Her neighbor was on the other side of the apartment, struggling with Dane, keeping him from causing any further damage.  AJ was on the floor next to her, one of his hands holding hers tightly, and the other holding his cell phone to his ear.  This was no nightmare, it was the real thing.

She could hear him talking, but nothing was registering in her brain.  Everything felt numb from exhaustion.  Her limbs shook from fear and exhaustion.  Her neighbor, Mike, was talking to her, but she didn't really hear him.

When AJ finished on the phone he turned back to Katie, "Katie, hon.  You're okay now.  It's okay."

AJ kept re-assuring her that she was safe now.  He'd called the police and they were on their way.  She visibly relaxed the tiniest bit when seconds later they heard the sirens and various uniformed people entered the apartment.

Mike was relieved of holding back Dane as he was handcuffed and put into a police car.  The police attempted to question Katie but she was still too out of it to be of any help.  They moved to AJ as the EMTs were doing a quick check of Katie.  They had decided to take Katie to the ambulance, and ultimately to the hospital.

"Sir, are you family?" a female EMT questioned AJ.  He shook his head no, "I'm sorry sir, I can only allow family into the ambulance.  You can check on her there."

They took Katie down the stairs, AJ following close behind.  He watched them load her into the ambulance and drive away, leaving AJ standing on the curb with Mike.

"I don't know what would've happened if you hadn't come over here."

"I live next door.  I heard something going on when I got out of the shower.  I knew the girls lived alone over here, so I had to come make sure things were okay.  You a new boyfriend?" Mike said.

"No, just a friend.  She was grabbing something from the apartment, and when she took too long I ran up to check on her.  I knew I should've come up with her," AJ berated himself for giving into her.

"I knew that guy was no good...just didn't know how bad it was."

A police officer was talking to Mike now, questioning him on his involvement.  AJ decided he should call Beth to let her know what had happened.  He went back up to the apartment to find Joe's phone number.  It was on the refrigerator, neatly written on a small white board.

"Joe?"

"Who's this?"

"It's AJ...Katie's friend.  Is Beth still there?"

"She's in the shower.  Is everything okay?"

"No, I need to talk to her.  It's Katie."

AJ heard the phone hit something hard and Beth was on the phone seconds later.

"AJ!  What's wrong?  What happened?"

He was trying to stay calm, but she'd looked so helpless and beat up when they'd rushed her away.  He explained the story as best as he could then told her to meet him at the hospital.

"They might tell you more than me, since you're the best friend."

"Where is she?" Beth asked frantically as she entered the waiting room, "Is she okay?"

AJ was pacing back a forth, wearing a hole in the carpet, "I don't know.  No one will tell me anything.  Family only policy."

Beth huffed and immediately stormed to the nurse's station, "Hi, yeah, I'm looking for Katherine Sullivan."

"I can't disclose any information to non-family members."

"I'm the closest thing she's got.  No parents, no siblings.  Just me.  Her roommate and best friend, and I'd appreciate an update on her condition," Beth spat out at the nurse.

The nurse looked up at her over her glasses and lifted the phone on the desk, "One moment miss."

Words were exchanged over the phone and the nurse looked back at Beth, "The doctor is with her right now.  You will be permitted to see her when the doctor is finished."

"How will I know when the doctor is finished?"

The nurse rolled her eyes and sighed, "Someone will let you know."

Beth wanted to put a curse on the evil nurse, but instead she just threw her an "I hate you" look and walked away.

"She's with a doctor.  Evil nurse said I could see her when the doctor was done."

A few minutes later another nurse came into the waiting room, "Is someone here waiting for...Katherine Sullivan?"

AJ and Beth jumped up and rushed to her, "Yes, we are."

"The doctor is finished with her now.  He wants to keep her overnight, but it looks like she'll be just fine.  She's pretty banged up, she's got some bandages and such on.  They're moving her to room...312.  If you go on up to the third floor, the nurses can point you in the right direction."

"Can we both see her?" Beth asked.

"Yes, though I'm not sure what time visiting hours end, so you may not be able to stay long."

"Thank you so much," AJ smiled at her and the two dashed towards the elevator.

They made it to the nurses' station on the third floor, and were directed to Katie's room.  When they walked in Katie was sitting up in the bed, her legs pulled up to her chest, her arms wrapped tightly around them.

"Hey hon," Beth said softly as she walked towards the bed.  AJ didn't say anything; he more stood back and watched.

Katie forced a half smile and looked over at AJ.  She wanted him to come closer, wanted to hold his hand, wanted to touch him.

"Are you okay?" Beth asked, pulling Katie back to earth.

She shook her head, "No, but I'll live."

She didn't look okay, and that's what scared AJ the most.  Her left wrist was bandaged up-it had been lightly sprained; ugly purple bruises dotted her arms, and probably her legs, too.  Her lip was swollen and looked like it had been bleeding at some point, though it had been cleaned up.  There was a nice bruise on her cheek as well, right were her previous bruise had been, making it look even uglier.  He couldn't see the full extent of her injuries because of her clothes, but the pain was evident in her eyes.

"I'm going to go...I don't...I'll see you later..." AJ was having trouble standing in the hospital room with Katie as she was.

"Alex, please don't go.  I want you to stay," Katie called out to him, "You saved my life."

"I didn't save anything.  I should've gone up there with you."

Beth stepped back and watched as the two exchanged words.  She'd been in the waiting room with AJ and she'd had no idea what was going through his mind.

"It would've happened anyways...maybe worse.  You stopped him," Katie tried to reason with him.  He was pacing again and he was going to drive Beth crazy.

"He would've hurt you, too, if you'd've gone up there with her.  You caught him off guard," Beth tried to stop the pacing.

"Please stay here with me," Katie reached out on of her hands towards him.  Slowly his guilty conscience shrunk and he slipped his hand into Katie's.

After a few moments of silence, Katie finally asked the question she'd wanted to ask, "Where is he?"

She hadn't remembered anything between falling to the floor and waking up in the emergency room.  AJ had been there, so he'd been the one forced to relay the story.  He told her how he found her, about pulling Dane off of her and her neighbor coming in, and the police.

"He's in jail."

AJ was sitting in a chair he'd pulled up to Katie's bed and Beth was on the other side, leaning back and laughing.  They were telling stories of their childish antics in their time living together, trying to keep the mood in the room light.  It had gotten dark and they all knew that they would be forced to leave.

"Speak of the devil," Beth grinned as a nurse walked into the room, "Here to kick us out?"

"Afraid so," the nurse apologetically smiled.

Tears welled up in Katie's eyes.  She didn't want to be left here alone.  She was scared, she couldn't be alone.

"Please can he stay?" she begged the nurse.

AJ stopped mid-squat.  He'd been getting up from his chair, but immediately plopped back down into it, "You want me to stay?"

"I'm really only supposed to let family stay outside of visiting hours."

"Please," Katie begged, "I can't be alone tonight.  Please can he stay?"

The nurse looked back and forth between AJ and Katie, taking Katie's puppy dog look into account and relented, "Fine, but no silly antics.  This girl needs her rest."

"Oh thank you, thank you!" Katie gave her first real smile that night.

Beth hugged her, gently, good-bye and left the room.

"I didn't even ask you if you wanted to stay..." Katie realized.

"If it makes you happy I want to.  Why didn't you ask Beth to stay instead though?"

"She doesn't make me feel safe like you do."

Later that night a cot was brought into the room for AJ to sleep on.  Uncomfortable as it was, AJ managed to fall asleep.  Katie didn't, though.  Every time she closed her eyes she would see him, so she just didn't close them.  She watched AJ sleep, making out his form in the dim light from the television that was on but not being watched.

She did feel safe with him.  He was the first man that ever made her feel like that, and it was a scary, yet oddly comforting feeling.  If it hadn't have been for him, Katie wasn't sure she'd have gotten out of Dane's grasp, or if she'd even still be alive.

"Hey, we're stopping by this afternoon before you get discharged...is there anything you need?" Beth asked Katie.  She'd called her at the hospital to make sure on the time she was being discharged-no need showing up if Katie was already gone.

"Alex said I could stay with him again...I can't go back to the apartment yet.  You think you could bring me some clothes and stuff?  You know, make-up, hair ties, pajamas...all that stuff."

"Not a problem girlie.  Anything you need in particular?  Any special clothes?"

"No, don't think so.  Just whatever...you know what I like."

Katie hung up the phone and turned to AJ.  He was sitting in a chair next to the bed, his feet resting on the edge of the bed.

"Hey, so I was thinking...I need to get out of here..."

"Just a few more hours cutie and you're free.  We'll go back to the hotel, order room service-"

"And hide out in the hotel room?" Katie asked, disappointed.

"And you would rather...go out?"

"Yes.  I would.  I need to go out."

"You need to go out like I need another tattoo.  Actually..."

"See, you need another tattoo, and I need to go out.  Except I don't want to go out and get you another tattoo," Katie squinted her eyes, trying to figure out what had just happened.

"I was thinking about doing this tattoo-"

"Hey ADD, we were discussing my going out tonight," Katie stuck out her lower lip in a pout.

"Are you sure you're up for that?"

"I'm not broken.  I can walk, talk, dance...I need to go out!" she was practically begging him to take her out now.

"We'll see.  I still don't think it's a good idea though."

Katie spent the rest of the afternoon trying to get him to cave and take her out for a little while that night.  She begged him right up until they'd gotten her things into his car and the nurse was wheeling her out of the hospital doors.  Eventually he relented, but only if certain conditions were met.

"I am not taking you anywhere in public just the two of us.  Someone has to agree to go with us, preferably a small group of us," he began and Katie nodded as she listened, "You will not go anywhere alone.  And if I feel like you've had enough, we're leaving."

Willing to agree to just about anything to go out and have fun, she agreed, "I can deal with that."

So the rules had been agreed on and the plans had been made.  Nick had been planning to meet some friends at a small club, and Howie had agreed to tag along with his girl.  Kevin and Brian had both wanted to meet Katie, the girl who made AJ mush, but they had made prior plans with their wives Kristin Leighanne.

It was around six o-clock by the time they got back to the hotel room.  Katie immediately began rummaging through her bags, hoping that Beth had been thoughtful enough to pack some cute clubbing clothes.  Finally she came out with a pair of dark wash, boot-cut jeans, and a cute little blue top.  The top had longer sleeves so part of her arms would be covered, hiding some of the marks, but the neck was low cut and it was short enough that her midriff would be slightly exposed.

Katie had showered and was now standing in front of the bathroom mirror in her jeans and a bra trying to figure out how to do her hair with one hand.  She'd wished she could take the brace off, but she knew that the sprain wouldn't heal if she kept messing with it.

AJ stood silently in the doorway watching her, slightly amused by the profanities she was using.  Eventually deciding her hair was as good as it was going to get, she reached for some cover up for her bruises in hopes of making them a little less obvious.

Covering the visible marks on her face and neck, she turned her back to the mirror to check out the one on her lower back.  It wouldn't be immediately obvious, but she didn't want to take any chances.  When she turned around she spotted AJ watching her from the doorway.

"What are you staring at?"

"Me staring?  I wasn't staring," he grinned and continued staring at her half-nakedness.

Several attempts and a few more profanities later Katie threw the make-up across the small bathroom screaming, "Fuckin' ass hole mother fucker!"

"Wow, don't think I've heard a girl as pretty as you swear like that before," he laughed, "Need a little help?"

"I hate him!" Katie yelled some more, emphasizing her words by banging her un-injured hand on the counter, "I hate him!!"

AJ stepped out of the doorway and into the bathroom, picking the tube of concealer up off of the floor.  He put his hands on her arms and directed her to turn with her back to him.  He then got onto his knees behind her.  AJ gently pressed his lips to her lower back and Katie let out a long slow breath.

"Better?"

She slowly nodded her head, her voice not cooperating with her.  AJ then went to work.  He squeezed some of the cover up onto his finger and gently applied it to her discolored skin.  She shivered when she felt a stream of his breath on her back.  He softly blew on the make-up covered area to aid in the drying process.

He stood up and put the tube on the counter next to her.  Looking at her through the mirror he smiled, "If you tell anyone I put make-up on for a chick..."

Katie nodded as she slowly turned around, trying to draw air into her lungs.  Their faces were inches apart.  She could feel his breath on her cheek.  Without thinking about it, she leaned in and closed the small gap.  Their lips touched briefly and then it was over.  She'd pulled back so quickly AJ wasn't sure it had actually happened.

"S...I, uh...sorry," Katie stammered, turning her face away.

"You should be.  What the hell was that?  Cause it sure as hell wasn't a kiss," he responded, catching her chin with a finger and turned her face back to his.  He leaned in and again their lips touched.  Katie felt like time had stopped.  Her eyes fluttered closed.  Her lips parted to let a sigh of contentment escape.  AJ took her parted lips as an invitation to deepen the kiss.  His tongue slipped past her lips, running over her teeth, before meeting with hers.

In an attempt at remembering that she was still fragile, he didn't pull her to him like he normally might have.  And then he realized what he'd done and took a step back to put some space between them.

"Wow," Katie whispered, her eyes opening.

"I shouldn't have done that."

"I..."

"I'm sorry.  Acting on impulse."

"I..."

"But that was a kiss...not that thing you did."

"That was...wow."

"Yeah."

"Alex...what's...what's going on here...with us, I mean?"

"I'm...uh, not sure."

"That kiss was amazing, I just...I'm not ready for a new relationship right now.  Especially with a guy like you."

"A guy like me?  What's that supposed to mean?"

"No, no-"

"You mean me, mister flirt?  The love ‘em ‘n leave ‘em guy?  Not every girl is a conquest here," AJ was trying to defend himself.

"Please listen to me!  I didn't mean it like that!  It didn't come out right.  I'm sorry.  I just meant...you're leaving soon.  You don't live here.  I don't think I could start a relationship only to have you leave.  I'm not sure I could handle that."

AJ stopped, he'd taken her words the wrong way.  He should've known better, but he wasn't thinking clearly.

"It's too soon for you to be worrying about another guy.  You've become a great friend already.  And I like you.  I think we could have something here...in the future.  I'm not willing to let you throw yourself into something you're not ready for.  I would never ask you to do that."

"Thank you for understanding.  I just need some time."

"All you need.  I'll be here."

"You'll be the first one I call when I'm ready.  You just better not have a girlfriend when I do," Katie laughed.

AJ leaned in to hug her and Katie realized that she still hadn't put on a shirt.  Suddenly self-conscious she lifted her arms to cover her bra and excused herself to finish getting ready.

"This was a bad idea.  I should not have let you talk me into this."

"Are you going to say that all night?" Katie asked, stopping at the door to the small club.

"Probably."

"Why?  I'm fine.  I told you that."

"You are not fine.  This was a bad idea."

The bouncer stood watching amused as the two argued back and forth for a few minutes before he added his two cents, "I agree with the dude."

Katie stopped arguing and looked over at the bouncer.  He was a big guy, so she kept her words to herself.  She didn't think he would hurt her, but she thought the same thing about Dane.

"Just a few minutes please!"

"Why do you want to go in there so bad?"

Katie thought for a minute, trying to decide if she wanted to tell him to truth, or if she could think up a plausible lie fast enough.  She decided the truth was the only way to go.  In other words, the only lies she could come up with were ridiculous.

"I've never been into a club before."

"So you chose the night you get out of the hospital to go?  Why did I agree to this?"

"Cause I'm beautiful?"

AJ rolled his eyes, "We're only going in there so I can tell Nick we're not staying.  He won't answer his phone...probably can't hear it.  We'll go have dinner."

Katie gave in, finding her arguments useless.  He'd decided that giving into her about this was a stupid idea, and if he had anything to say about, he was fixing it.  She followed him into the club and he immediately spotted Nick.

They forced their way through the crowd to Nick, but Katie got separated from AJ.  There were too many people and they kept bumping into her and her still tender bruises. Katie was beginning to agree with AJ.  This was a bad idea.  She took a deep breath and tried to find AJ in the crowd.  He hadn't yet realized she wasn't still right behind him.

She forced her way through the crowd to get to him.  A guy in the crowd spotted her and tried to grab her around the waist.  She couldn't hear what he said, but she probably wouldn't have been able to understand his drunken slurring anyway.  His hands her on her hips, trying to get her to dance with him.  She was trying to pull away from him, panic setting in.

AJ looked back to check on Katie and realized that she wasn't there.  Scanning the crowd he couldn't immediately see her.  He'd already told Nick they were leaving, so he just needed to find her now.  He tried to make his way back out the way they came in, hoping Katie would be somewhere along there.  He spotted her a few feet off the path they'd taken, being manhandled.

"Dude, get off my girl!" he yelled over the music, grabbing Katie's hand to pull her away from the guy.  The guy let go of Katie and AJ was free to drag her out of the club.

"See.  I told you it was a bad idea."

"Sorry.  I really didn't think it would be that bad."

The bouncer laughed at that comment, "Dude, she's really never been before?"

"Don't ask," AJ responded as he led Katie back to the car, "I could've told you it would be crazy like that."

"I wanted to see.  Dane would never let me go out with him when he went.  And I guess I was too scared to go with the girls in case he was there."

"That's messed up.  Now you've been.  And I'm not taking you to another club until you are off those pain meds."

"If ever.  That was so not cool.  I don't see the appeal."

"Good.  Let's go somewhere less crowded."

"And a little quieter."

They found a small restaurant with live music and decided that this would be a much safer bet than the club had been.  Walking in, they found an empty high-topped table and quickly went over to sit down.  Katie wasn't supposed to have anything with any kind of alcohol due to the various medications she was put on at the hospital for pain and such, so she wasn't really thrilled.  She finally settled with a soda, but she was sure to show her displeasure.

They didn't really talk as the two perused the menus in front of them.  They sat in a comfortable silence, listening to the live band.  AJ periodically scanned the room for any unwanted visitors.  The last thing he wanted was to be mobbed by anyone, but he figured this was an older crowd, so he was pretty safe.

AJ and Katie put their food orders in, making small talk while the band played in the background.  Not long after Katie felt a tap on her shoulder.

"Beth!  What are you guys doing here?" she hugged her best friend and smiled at Joe who was standing just behind her, "I thought you two were celebrating your anniversary?  You've been together for seventy years now?"

They all laughed.  It had seemed like it was that long.  Katie knew it was just a matter of time before Beth and Joe were engaged and married with little Joe's and Beth's running around.

"Yeah, about that...the plans I had didn't really work out so great," Joe lightly blushed.

Beth grinned at him, "The thought of it all was really sweet, but...he almost burned the apartment down."

Katie and AJ both raised their eyebrows in question.

"Do I want to know?" Katie finally asked, with a little shake of her head.

"Candles, burnt dinner causing a small oven fire...it was a horrible mess," Beth laughed. It wasn't funny when it had happened, but looking back, Beth found it slightly amusing.

"Hey!  I had help!  You were the one that knocked over that one candle," Joe protested.

"Yep, that's definitely something clutzy here would do," Katie laughed as she pictured the scene in Joe's tiny apartment.  Well, it was more of a cracker box with a door.

"Like I need your help!" Beth scowled at Katie.  She then took in the scene before her.  AJ and Katie, having a nice dinner, at a semi-romantic restaurant.  She pulled on Katie's arm, "Can we talk for a second?"

Katie looked at Beth with a questioning look, "I'm in the middle of dinner."

"It'll just take a minute," Beth pulled Katie out of the chair.

Katie rolled her eyes and finally allowed Beth to pull her away from the table to the bathrooms where it was a little quieter, and there were no prying ears.  The guys were left alone at the table.

"That was rude!  What's so important that it couldn't wait?  It better be important after that!" Katie emphasized her words with a few waves of her hands as she glanced back at the table to see Joe sit down.  It appeared that they guys were in a good conversation, so she let it go a little.

"What are you doing?" Beth asked.

"Having dinner?"

"You look like you're ready to go clubbing...you didn't, did you?  Shouldn't you be like...resting or something?"

"First of all, you packed these clothes, not me.  I never asked for them, but they were there, so I figured I'd use them.  I can take care of myself mom," Katie knew the next comment that was coming, and decided to head it off before it even came, "And we're just having dinner, so back off."

"Okay, I packed those so if in a few days you were up to it you could go out without having to go back to the apartment.  Not for you to use the night you got out of the damn hospital.  You still didn't answer my question...are you going clubbing?"

"No.  Alex put an end to that idea.  It sucked anyways, so I didn't even want to stay."

"So...you did?  Or you didn't?"

"Alex didn't think it was a good idea."

"He was right."

Katie shot her a ‘shut up and let me finish' look, and continued, "As I was saying...he didn't think it was a good idea, but he gave in.  We were there for all of five minutes before I was bumped up and groped.  I have no interest in going back any time soon, so don't worry."

"At least he's not a complete idiot."

"He's not an idiot...he's a really great guy.  And we are not cuddly.  Just one friend taking another friend out to dinner.  I'm not stupid."

"I never said you were.  I'm just looking out for you."

"I know you are, and I appreciate that, but like I said before, I can take care of myself.  Alex is great."

"Yeah, you keep saying that, but you know his reputation..."

"That's AJ.  Crazy flirty guy."

"I just want you to be careful.  You shouldn't get yourself involved or attached to another guy so fast."

"Alex and I had the talk.  We're just friends.  If something happens in the future that's great, but we're just friends.  I know I'm not ready for another relationship.  He knows that, too.  It's only been a few days."

"As long as you're being careful."

"I promise I am.  I just...I can't help it if I want to find what you and Joe have.  You two have been together for eighty years," the girls laughed at the joke, "I just want that, too."

"You'll get it, Katie.  Maybe Alex is your lobster; I just want you to take it slow.  Very slow."

"I am."

"Then I guess I have to be happy for you.  You're moving on..." Beth finished, giving up her side of the fight.

The girls hugged and then went back to the table to join the guys.

"I hope you don't mind I invited Joe to join us?" AJ asked.

"As long as Beth gets to stay, too?"

AJ rolled his eyes and nodded, smiling.  So the four sat together, celebrating Joe and Beth's ninetieth anniversary.  Oh, and the old married couple grilled AJ on his intentions and such.

~September 16, 2002~

"Do you think long distance relationships work?"

"I...uh...what?" AJ pulled the phone from his ear and looked at it confused.

"Long distance relationships.  Do you think they work?"

"I don't know...why?"

"I was just thinking...sorry I asked," Katie sighed.

AJ had left, going on the next small spurt of CD signings and other official Backstreet business.  He and Katie had talked here and there when he had time or wasn't too exhausted.  He was home now though.

He'd gotten home late the night before and gone straight to bed.  He called Katie the following morning.  Okay, it was afternoon, but it was his day off, so he slept in.  Good thing, too, since she was springing this quite random question on him.

"No, no, don't be sorry.  It was just...random, that's all.  I thought we'd decided that you weren't ready for a relationship?"

"We did.  And I'm not.  Like I said, I was just thinking.  Have you ever had a good long distance relationship?"

"Well, no, not a good one.  I've never really wanted any of my relationships to last enough to put in the work that is involved though.  It wasn't worth it for me."

"But if it was worth it?"

"What's with the questions?"

"I'm just asking."

"In case you decide you are ready for a relationship and it happens to be a long distance relationship?"

"No...I was just curious," Katie said, trying to occupy her hands, doodling on the scrap paper kept by the phone.  She knew why she was asking, and she was pretty sure he knew why, too.  She was just hoping he wouldn't get into it.

She really wasn't ready yet, but she wanted to know now.  There was no point in letter herself fall for a guy that lived across the country if he had no interest in a long distance relationship. 

She'd gone back to her apartment, Beth joining her, when AJ left.  It hadn't been easy, but Katie knew she'd needed to try to move on from...him.

***

"If you don't go back, you're letting him win," Beth reasoned.

"But...I don't know...damnit, I just don't know if I can."

"Katie, you have to.  Are you going to let him keep controlling your life?"

"No," Katie mumbled, then more strong, "No.  He's done controlling my life."

"You're letting him keep running your life if you keep hiding from it...instead of dealing with it."

"I know.  Okay."

***

She'd barely slept the first night back in her apartment.  Every sound made her jump.  She hadn't realized how much she had needed AJ, how much he'd been helping her.  But it had gotten progressively easier as the nights went on.

"Katie?  You still there?" AJ asked.

"What?  Oh, yeah.  Sorry...drifting.  What were you saying?"

"If I wanted it to work, and the girl wanted it to work, and we were willing to put in the work to get it to work...yeah, it could happen."

"I don't think you used the word work enough in that sentence," Katie joked, trying to remember what exactly he was talking about.

AJ rolled his eyes, letting a half laugh-half groan escape, "I have a hypothetical for you then, since we're asking ‘just curious' questions.  If we were dating-hypothetically-do you think we could make it work?  A normal long distance relationship is one thing, but it's different with one half of the couple being celebrity.  Could you deal with the times I went on the road and you didn't come with me?"

"Since this is a hypothetical question and all...I think that if we had what we needed, and we both wanted it to work...sure.  As long as we both trusted each other, loved each other, and there were open lines of communication, I think we could do it.  Might be difficult, but it has to work for someone."

"Good to know."

"Are we done with the hypothetical conversation now?"

"Hey, you're the one who started it," AJ laughed.  He closed his eyes, trying to remember what she smelled like.  He'd spent every night he was with her trying to keep her calm and relaxed.  He may have succeeded in that, but he also succeeded in getting himself in deep with her.

"Been sleeping any better?" he asked her.

"A little I guess.  Sort of," Katie sighed, then admitted, "No.  I can't sleep.  Every sound freaks me out."

"You'll be okay."

"Yeah...I guess so."

***

AJ had a short break.  A whole day!  They had an emergency meeting scheduled.  AJ was sure he should know what it was about.  He didn't have the slightest clue.  Nor did he really have the desire to attend said meeting.  It was his damn vacation!

"Nice to see you this morning!" Kevin scolded the perpetually late AJ.

"Traffic sucked.  Can we get this over with?  I'd like to finish enjoying my short time off," AJ grumbled as he made his way into the board room.  The other four Boys were already there, waiting for AJ.

Kevin mumbled something under his breath, but AJ wasn't in the mood to argue.  He took a seat and waited for someone to get things started, to remind him what they were doing here.

"The VMA's are coming up soon," Brian started.

"They want us to perform our single," Kevin finished.

AJ nodded absently, his mind elsewhere.  The other four discussed their possible upcoming performance while AJ pretended to participate.

"Hey Bone!" Nick yelled, tossing a couch pillow at his head.

"What the fuck dude!" AJ protested, after being abruptly pulled from his thoughts of...Katie...

"The better you stay with us, the faster you can get out of here.  Unless you'd like to skip it?"

"Skip what?"

Brian clenched his fists at his sides in frustration, taking deep breaths to calm himself, "The VMA's."

"Yes!" AJ exclaimed excitedly.

"A little excited about the VMA's, man?" Howie laughed.

"Oh, um...sorry.  Just had an idea.  VMA's...performing...sounds great."

"Careful, AJ's thinking.  Don't get too close," Nick laughed hysterically at his own joke.

AJ glared at him.

"It's you we have to be careful around, Nicky, not AJ," Howie patted the younger but taller blond on the back.

The five sat in the board room, ironing out the details.

***

Katie sat in her living room, curled on the couch, television on.  She wasn't really watching much, more paying attention to the sounds the wind was making.  She was home alone, so any sounds scared her even more.  Katie was attempting to identify each new sound, her logic telling her that it was just the wind and trees and...but that other part of her brain kept telling her that it wasn't.

She flipped the channels again, landing on MTV and one of their news briefs.

"Hey everyone, I'm Gideon Yago and this is an MTV News Brief.  Nominations for the VMA's were announced yesterday.  Heading the nominations for this year's awards is newcomer Michelle Branch with six nominations.  Eminem, Britney Spears and the Backstreet Boys follow close behind with five nominations each.  The first three performers for this year's show have also been confirmed.  Shakira, Christina Aguilera and the Backstreet Boys will be performing their newest singles at this year's Video Music Awards, hosted by Chris Rock.  For more news on this and other stories, log on to MTV dot com and stay tuned for more news at ten to the hour here on MTV."

Katie smiled to herself.  She was excited to watch the awards show, seeing the Boys perform their latest single, rooting them on for their awards.

Katie was sure AJ had to have heard already, so wanted to call and congratulate him.

"Hello?"

"Don't we sound excited?" Katie smiled at the sound of his voice.

"We are excited."

"Would that be because of the VMA's?"

"What'd you hear?" AJ asked.

"Five nominations and a performance."

"Oh yeah.  It's awesome.  Just have to find a date now," AJ hinted lightly.

"I'm sure you'll have no problem.  There are probably a million girls who'd love to go with you."

"What about you?" he asked.

"What about me?"

"You wanna go?"

"Are you crazy?  I'm so not the dress up and go to an awards show girl."

"So you don't want to go then?" AJ asked, trying to hide the hurt in his voice.  They were just friends.

"Of course I'd want to go."

"Then what's the problem?"

"I'm in the wrong part of the country," Katie simply answered.

"There's this new invention.  I believe it's called the air plane.  It'll get you to New York in no time.  Next."

"Air plane, is it?  Sounds expensive."

"It's covered.  You're my date."

"I can't let you do that.  Plus, I have nothing to wear to an awards show."

"Other new invention.  A store.  You buy clothes there.  I'm sure Brian and Kevin's wives would love to take you shopping, help you pick something out."

"Again, exp-"

"Expensive.  I know.  Like I said, it's covered."

"No.  I am not letting you fly me to New York, and buy me clothes."

"Why not?  It's not like I can't afford it."

"I...because...you...crap."

"Exactly.  I would like you to be my date.  We'll get everything taken care of, don't worry about it."

"As friends though, right?"

AJ hesitated a minute, but agreed, "Just friends.  I'd rather have a friend as a date than a dumb blonde stranger."

"What, not dumb brunette strangers?" Katie laughed.

She was going to see him again.  That thought put a smile on her face that she knew shouldn't be as big as it was.  She was getting herself in deep.

~September 20, 2002~

Katie stepped off the plane and anxiously looked around for him.  She wasn't sure if he was going to be picking her up, but she'd desperately hoped he would.  He had said he would try, but if he couldn't swing it, someone would definitely be there to pick her up and bring her to the hotel.

"Hey there pretty lady."

Katie swung around, squinted her eyes and a smile grew on her lips.

"Do you realize how ridiculous you look?" she laughed.

"Can't very well just go into a crowded airport without a disguise," he smiled as he wrapped her in a hug, "Apples."

"Umm...what?" she pulled back and raised her eyebrows at him.

"You smell like apples.  I noticed it that first time we met..."

"When you woke me up.  That has to be one of the best ways a girl can wake up," she smiled.

AJ took her small carry-on bag and the two made their way through the crowds to the baggage claim area.  He asked about her flight and the two made small talk as they collected her bag and went to his car.

"Everyone is really excited to meet you," he told her as they pulled into the parking garage for the hotel.

"I...okay..."

"What's wrong?  They'll love you."

"It's just scary," she sighed and got out of the car.  They got her bags from the trunk and went into the hotel and up the elevator.  AJ tried to calm her fears on the ride up.

"The girls will love you!  I think they get sick of hanging around all of us all the time," AJ joked.

They walked down the hall, passing a few doors and Katie wondered who was behind the doors, what other guests were staying in this hotel with them.

AJ knocked on a door and it opened.

"There you are!" Nick exclaimed and let AJ into the room.

AJ waved for Katie to join him, and she slowly entered the room.  She'd already met Nick, so that wasn't a big deal.  It was the others in the room.  Three more guys, and two gorgeous women.

Yeah, I'm going to look absolutely fabulous standing next to those two, Katie sighed to herself.

"Katie, you remember Nick?" AJ poked at Nick, and then turned to the other guys, "Howie, Kevin, Brian, Kevin's wife Kristin, and Bri's woman Leighanne."

"Call me Leigh," Leighanne stood up and smiled at Katie, "We were beginning to wonder if you were real."

"I'm real," Katie nervously laughed.

"I'm gonna take your bags to my room Katie.  Be right back."

AJ left the room, Katie standing awkwardly in the middle of the room.  Nick had gone back to the video game he was in the middle of with Brian.

"Come on in.  You don't have to stand there," Kristin smiled, waving her into the room.

By the time AJ had returned to Nick's room Katie was in comfortable conversation with the girls, the guys throwing in their random comments here and there.

"Sorry to interrupt ladies, gotta talk to Katie."

"What's up?" she responded, looking up at him.

"Key to the room," AJ said, handing Katie a plastic card that would unlock the door to the room assigned to him, "I'm going to bunk in with Nick."

"Why?" Katie asked, "I don't want to take your room."

"No big deal.  Nick doesn't care.  There wasn't an extra room when I convinced you to come out here."

"We don't need an extra room.  I've stayed in your room before.  It's not a big deal.  I don't want you to put Nick out."

Nick grinned at them as he briefly glanced from his game, "Just keep your hands to yourself man!"

AJ threw a pillow at Nick, hitting him squarely in the head.  The hit threw him off for a second, allowing Brian to get the upper hand in the game finally.

The excitement of the game wore down again and the conversation turned back to Katie.

"How'd you meet our AJ here?" Kevin questioned.

"A friend of hers actually set it up," AJ started, "Nick's cousin Beth."

Nick nodded his agreement.

"I was having a rough time.  She thought it might be fun to surprise me."

"Why AJ?" Leighanne asked.

AJ looked at Katie, who was sitting on the other end of the small couch from him.  He was waiting to see if she was going to provide the information, or is was going to have the opportunity.

When she didn't answer he smirked, "Katie here has a thing for me."

Katie blushed furiously.  The others rolled their eyes or giggled.

"Oh jeez don't give him any more reason to inflate that big head of his," Brian laughed.

That was enough excitement for Katie for one afternoon.  She'd turned several shades of red in embarrassment.  She was ready to go wind down.

They were all going for dinner later that evening, so Katie needed to regroup before she was willing and able to do that.  She needed to gather herself before showing herself in front of all of them again after the blush-inducing conversation they'd just had.

She and AJ went to his room so Katie could get the plane smell off in a nice hot shower.  The goal was to get cleaned up and ready to go out to dinner.  Katie was going to get her first taste of the Backstreet life.

***

Katie was digging in her bag after she'd gotten out of the shower, trying to find something decent to wear out to dinner.  She pulled out a top and a pair of pants.  Holding them against her body, fisted in her hands, she turned to AJ.  She wasn't sure what she was going to say to him.  The words didn't come to her.

She put the pants on, pulling the top over her head.  Standing at the mirror in the room to put on her make-up she looked at AJ's reflection in the mirror.

"Thank you."

AJ walked over to her, standing directly behind her.  She could feel him behind her, feel the heat radiate off of his body.  She watched him in the mirror as he leaned towards her, closing his eyes and he took in her scent.  Her delicate apple smell flooded his nostrils.

"You smell so good," he said just above a whisper.  Nuzzling his nose into her neck to take in the scent more, she giggled softly.

She turned her head to face him, "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For being you...being there for me...taking care of me," Katie told him as she turned to fully face him, her soft hands moving up to cup his face, "I'd lost my confidence in the male race.  I was beginning to believe that how it was with Dane was how it was supposed to be.  You barely know me, and you've been so amazing.  You've restored my faith in men."

"I don't have to know every detail about your life to know who you are.  I know enough about you to know that you are an amazing woman Katie."

She lightly pressed her lips to AJ's.  Before things could progress, before their kiss could deepen, there was a knock at the door.  They jumped apart as if they were a couple of teenagers who had been caught by their parents.

Katie straightened herself out and turned back to the mirror while AJ went to open the door.  Brian and Leighanne entered the room, all ready to go to dinner.

"Everything okay in here?" Brian laughed noting the obvious difference in the room.  He couldn't put his finger on it, but he knew something had been going on.

Leighanne hit him in the arm.  She'd noted the air in the room, too, but she saw a blooming relationship there. AJ and Katie were just like she and Brian had been...way back when they had first met. She didn't want Brian to mess anything up for the two.

"Yeah, everything's fine!" AJ snickered.

He figured it was obvious to the girls what was going on; he was just hoping they wouldn't say anything about it.  He had wanted to take things slow with Katie and he knew that the girls didn't know anything about Katie's past.  He wanted to try and keep things as private as he could for now.

***

"So, what is going on with you and Alexander?" Kristin smirked at the name.  She knew he hated being called Alexander.  The three girls had stepped away from the table to use the ladies room which naturally involved girl talk and gossip.

"You know, I'm not really sure right now.  I really like him...I mean...I think I'm falling for him."

"He's definitely smitten," Kristin smiled as she applied lipstick in the mirror.

"I can see it in his eyes," Leighanne exited a stall and went to the sinks to wash her hands, "He really likes you.  I think he's in love."

Kristin nodded, "And Alex doesn't fall in love.  But you didn't hear that from me."

"Everything come out okay?" Nick laughed, "You girls always have to go in there together, I figure it's so you can make sure no one falls in!"

"Nicky, Nicky, Nicky..." Kevin shook his head.

Nick scowled at the sound of the nickname he hated.

"You know they go in there together to talk about us," Howie looked at the girls for confirmation.

"Yeah, so, what did you three say about us?" Brian asked.

"That would be none of your business!" Leighanne grinned as the three sat back down at the table.

***

"Okay, so I've never shopped for an awards show before...I'm going to need some help," Katie admitted to Kristin and Leighanne.

Nick's current ‘she's kind of my girlfriend, but I don't know for sure yet, so we're just having fun' girl had joined them as well.  Anna was cute, not Nick's typical girl.  She was better.  She had no stereotypical dumb blonde attributes whatsoever.

"But you've watched awards show before, right?" Kristin laughed.

Katie nodded.

"You'll have no problems then," Leighanne stated.

Katie raised her eyebrows as if to say ‘whatever you say' and began browsing through the store they were in.  The girls walked through various stores, checking out dresses, outfits, not-so-much outfits...

"You could always pull a Lil' Kim," Anna offered up.

"What?" the other three turned to her.

"You know, the pasties and sparkly pants," she smiled as she grabbed her boobs to imitate pasties.

"Oh jeez please no," Leighanne began to laugh.

"Don't worry.  I'm not going to pasty route.  Sparkly maybe, but I'd like my boobs to be fully covered," Katie assured them.

They all laughed and began trying on various outfits.  A few dozen dresses, scrunched noses and dollars later, each girl had chosen her perfect outfit.

"Um, has anyone seen my top?" Anna was trying not to panic as she ran around the small hotel room in a light blue, diagonal cut, calf length skirt and a t-shirt.

Katie, Kristin, Leighanne, Anna, and Howie's date Jenna were all in one room, attempting to get ready.

"Omigod there's not enough room in here.  This was not a good idea," Jenna panicked.  She was at the bathroom counter in her black strapless, knee length dress.  She was trying to get her hair to do what she wanted it to do, but with two other girls trying to do their thing in the same place...it wasn't an ideal situation.

"How did we let them talk us into all being in here?" Kristin questioned, standing in her long yellow dress as she applied make-up in the badly lit mirror in the room.

"Um, ladies, top, anyone seen it?" Anna asked again.

"Or my left shoe?" Leighanne asked from the floor where she had been searching under the bed.  She stood up and straightened her dark purple dress.  The dress came to just below her knees and left one arm bare, having a strap on only her right shoulder.

"I can't find my bra either," Katie groaned, hands on hips.  She had pulled her short, pale yellow dress to her hips, ready to put on her bra before fastening the halter-style straps around her neck.

"Nikolas Gene Carter!" Kristin yelled as she went to the door that joined the room they were in to Nick's room.  The door swung open, no one in sight.

A half dressed Anna, one-shoed Leighanne and braless Katie followed Kristin into the room, hands on hips.

"Nikolas Gene Carter!" she yelled again.

Brian's head popped out of the bathroom, "Nope, no Nick here."

Leighanne glared at her husband, "If you had anything to do with this..."

Brian's eyes got wide and he stepped out of the bathroom, the door closing behind him.  He held out Leighanne's shoe, trying not to laugh.

"Brian Thomas Littrell...you are lucky I have to finish getting ready."

He kissed his wife on her cheek and stepped out of the way.

Anna banged on the bathroom door.

"Who's in there?" Leighanne asked Brian.

He knew he was in trouble, so he figured he should cooperate, "Nick and Age..."

"Nickolas Gene Carter!" Anna yelled this time.

Katie didn't know what to do, so Kristin stepped up for her, "Alexander James Mclean!  Get your ass out here!"

"Damn, what's with the middle names?" AJ asked as he slowly opened the door.  Nick could be heard protesting from inside the bathroom.

"Give the girl back her bra," Kristin demanded, trying not to laugh but finding the situation quite amusing.

At the same time Anna went into the bathroom and Nick was heard again, "Ow!  Stop!  I'm sorry!"

He exited the bathroom pouting, joining AJ and Brian on the couch.

"Where are Kevin and Howie?" Kristin asked.

"Your room," AJ offered up.

"Join them will you?  We need more room to get ready."

"Anymore jokes and you might find yourselves dateless tonight," Leighanne added as the boys left the room.

As soon as the door closed behind them there was laughing and high-fiving.  They were quite proud of their practical joke.

The girls were finally able to spread out and finish getting ready.  They were already running late.

Forty five minutes later, after fifteen minutes of the guys waiting in the lobby for the, Kevin was volunteered to get the girls.

"Why me?"

"You're not in trouble," AJ stated.

"So...you're trying to get me into trouble, too?  Just because you three jackasses decided to steal the girls stuff doesn't mean we all have to be in the dog house tonight."

"Fine, you sleep on the couch anyways Bone, you get them.  How much worse could it get for you?" Brian asked.

"I don't sleep on the couch," AJ said before thinking.

"Ah, so there is something going on there."

"No, there isn't.  We're just friends."

"Just friends who sleep together?" Nick wiggled his eyebrows.

"Sleep.  That's it."

"What are you hotties talking about?" Anna smiled as she and the other four girls joined the guys in the lobby.

AJ froze before he said anything more, hoping that Katie hadn't heard the conversation that was beginning.

"Took you long enough," Nick groaned.

"Hey, it wouldn't have taken nearly as long if we hadn't have had to search for certain important items," Leighanne glared at the three pranksters.

"We never did ask...what did you three take?" Howie wondered.

"Leigh's shoe, Anna's top, and Katie's bra..." Brian offered.

"Did you just randomly grab the first things you saw?  Or was there a method to your crazy madness?" Howie continued his interrogation.

"Pretty much just grabbed shit," AJ admitted.

"Can we get moving now?" Jenna asked.

The guys nodded, took hold of their respective dates and braced themselves for the short but undoubtedly crazy walk to the limo.

Once in the limo Katie cuddled up to AJ.

"You look so...hot," AJ whispered to her.

"You covered up all your tattoos," Katie pouted.  The guys had each donned tuxedoes, adding their own twists to them though.  AJ added his ‘bad boy' flair to it, adding a fedora to the outfit.

"Thought I'd better not piss Kevin off by cutting the arms off the tux or anything," he laughed.

"You know, you're not the only one with a hidden tattoo," she smirked.

"Yeah, Brian and Nick have the, too," AJ played dumb.

"So do I..." Katie was getting braver with her flirting.

"You have a tattoo?  And why haven't I seen said tattoo?  When did you get it?"

"Beth and I went a few months ago.  I was going through an ‘independent, I'll do what I want' phase with Dane.  If you're good..." Katie started, AJ watching her expectantly, "maybe I'll let you see it."

Things were definitely heating up here.  Brian and Leighanne watched the quiet exchange with great interest.  It was beyond obvious that these two needed to date.  Each time Brian made a move to say something to the blooming couple, Leighanne stopped him.  She'd just met Katie, didn't really know her, but she could tell any kind of jostling as far as relationships went would send her running.  Leighanne couldn't tell what it was, if it was just Katie being shy, but she was not going to let Brian be responsible for that one.

The limo came to a stop and the guys each got out, helping their dates out and leading them down the red carpet.  Katie's eyes widened.

"This is John Norris on the red carpet here at the VMA's.  We're still waiting to see some of the night's biggest stars...and it looks like some have just arrived."

The Boys were leading their ladies down the carpet, stopping for pictures and short interviews.

"AJ Mclean of the Backstreet Boys!  Quite the lady you have here," John smiled, "Who might she be?"

AJ knew what the reporter had meant by the question, but he hadn't had the opportunity to discuss with Katie what they would say.  The flirting in the limo had indicated that she might have been ready to step things up, but he still wasn't sure.

"This beautiful woman would be my lovely date Katie," AJ smiled, his arm wrapped around her.

"Katie, nice to have you join us here.  Is this your first VMA?"

"Yeah," Katie began, still a bit wide-eyed, "It's amazing.  You see it all on tv, but it's not the same thing in person!"

Getting back to his original probing question, trying to be more straight about it, "Are you the newest girlfriend?"

"I...um..." Katie hesitated.  She didn't know what to say.

AJ took over quickly, praying to the gods above that he wasn't stepping over the line when he announced to John Norris and the entire home viewing audience, "Katie is my beautiful girlfriend."

He pressed a kiss to her temple, John thanked them for the interview and the couple moved along the red carpet, finally entering the theater.

"Did you really mean that?" Katie asked after she and AJ had settled into their assigned seats.  The rest of the guys and their dates were finishing up with their red carpet duties or greeting friends before the show started, so Katie and AJ had a few semi-private minutes to discuss things.

AJ couldn't get a good read of Katie's thoughts on the subject, "Umm...do you want me to mean it?"

Katie thought for a minute, her insecurities trying to take over, What if he was saying it for me, but he doesn't really mean it?  Maybe he's just trying to make me feel better about coming out here.  Or he's just trying to get something from me later...

Katie knew none of that was true.  She remembered what Kristin and Leighanne had said at dinner the other night.  She slowly nodded and looked over at him.

"If you wanted to mean it, I want you to mean it."

"What the hell are you two talking about?" Nick walked up, practically dragging Anna to their seats.

"I have to sit next to you?" Katie giggled.

"It's a privilege to sit next to me.  Anna here can vouch for that one," he grinned at Anna who was taking her seat next to him.

She rolled her eyes at him, "Of course it is!"

"So, back to what you two are jabbering about..." Nick pried.

"Must you be so nosy?" Katie poked him.

"I must.  AJ has this big goofy grin on his face.  I know he can't have gotten lucky, there's too many people..." Nick started speculating.

"No, no one has gotten that kind of lucky," AJ glared at Nick.

"Omigod," Anna squealed, "Omigod, omigod, omigod!"

Anna looked at Katie, and she knew.

"What's she freaking out about?" Brian asked as he, Leighanne, Kevin and Kristin walked up to take their seats.  Leighanne looked at Anna, then noticed Katie and AJ.

"Omigod," Leighanne joined in the squealing and hugged Katie, "I knew it!  I knew it was going to happen before you went back home Katie!"

The guys, aside from AJ, looked at each other and the girls, completely confused.

"Can someone fill the rest of us in?" Kevin inquired.

"We're dating," Katie smiled.

"I kinda said something to Norris when he stopped us on the carpet."

"Wow..." Howie said.

"Yeah, it was kind of a surprise," Katie replied.

"That he said something?  You two didn't discuss it beforehand?" Brian questioned.

"No, not exactly," Katie responded.

"We hadn't really even discussed officially dating at all," AJ admitted, "I said it and then prayed to the heavens she wouldn't kill me after the fact."

"You're still alive...and she looks pretty happy.  Congratulations you two."

***

"So who's party are we going to?" Nick asked when they had all piled back into the limousine.

One of the stars was having a big after show party.  Everyone would be there, so they had decided on this party as their first stop.  It wouldn't be a big deal if they didn't make to any other parties after.

Everyone was there when they arrived.  They all separated to mingle with the other guests.

"You want something to drink?" AJ asked Katie.  She nodded and he left her briefly to get drinks for the both of them.

On his way back to Katie, AJ was stopped by another woman.  The interaction was short and Katie could tell he didn't want to see this woman.  He walked away from the other woman back towards Katie, but she followed him.

He handed Katie their drinks, "Babe, can you gimme a minute?  This should only take a second."

Katie nodded and took both drinks.  He gave her a kiss and turned around, pulling the other woman a few steps away.

"What do you want Amanda?" he spat at the woman.

"Just wanted to say hi," Amanda said in her sugary sweet voice.  Anyone who really knew her knew that the voice was completely fake, just like the rest of her.

"You said hi.  I need to be getting back to my girlfriend now."

"Aww and you're not going to introduce me?  I'd love to meet the girl who's going to try and fill my shoes!" Amanda grinned as she pushed past AJ to get to Katie.

"Amanda, just go," AJ demanded as he followed her to Katie.

"No, I want to meet her.  Be a gentleman, won't you?" Amanda said as she stared Katie down.  Katie held her ground.  She didn't know much about this woman, but she'd seen pictures of her and AJ together.  Once Amanda had stepped into closer view, Katie recognized her as AJ's last ‘serious' girlfriend.

AJ huffed, but he knew the only way he might get Amanda to leave them alone was to introduce them, "Katie, this is Amanda.  Amanda, Katie.  You've been introduced, have a nice night now," AJ tried to shoo the woman away.

"So nice to meet you Katie," Amanda said.  Katie could practically see the venom dropping from her words.  This woman was mad that AJ had moved on from her.

Katie just smiled, nodding.  She was afraid she would say something mean if she opened her mouth.

"You better be treating my boy good or I might have to come take care of you," Amanda laughed.

Katie looked at AJ, almost as if looking for permission to smack this woman.  Katie decided against it, instead opting to get the two of them out of there.

"Baby, I'm getting really tired.  Do you think we could go?" Katie pulled a fake yawn.

AJ flashed her a quick smile, silently thanking her for an excuse, even if a fake excuse, to get the out of the party.

"Yeah.  It's been a long day.  Let's get you back to the hotel," AJ wrapped an arm around Katie and turned back to Amanda, "Well, we're going to get going.  It was so nice to see you."

Amanda rolled her eyes and watched AJ and Katie walk away.

"I always thought she looked like a bitch," Katie whispered.

They found the rest of the group, all deciding it was time to leave.  The girls were all exhausted from the excitement, and the Boys had an interview in the morning.

They got into the limousine and conversation immediately turned to the scene everyone else had seen play out between AJ, Katie and Amanda.

"What the hell was she doing there?" Howie asked.

"I don't know.  She won't back off.  She would've done me right there on the floor in front of everyone if I'd have let her!"

"Yeah, I'm sure that's exactly what Katie wants to see!" Kristin said sarcastically.

"Yeah, that would be great, you're new girlfriend watching your old girlfriend ravage you in public," Anna laughed.

"Ravage?" Nick looked at Anna.

"Would you rather I said boink?  Or screw?"

Everyone cracked up in hysterical laughter.

Once everyone settled down a bit AJ added, "I'd said if I let her.  No way in hell I'm letting her ravage me again!"

"No, no, that's Katie's job now!" Howie announced and sent the group into laughter again.

AJ turned to Katie, "So what about that deal we had?"

"Deal?" Kevin asked, "Do we even want to know?"

AJ grinned.

"By the looks of J's face...I don't think I want to know," Brian said.

"I told AJ that I have a tattoo."

"Okay, and...?" Leighanne prodded.

"Do not encourage them," Brian scolded his wife.

"I told him I would show him if he was good," Katie blushed.

"See, this is what happens when people butt in on other's relationships!" Brian exclaimed, "Please don't show him in here!"

Katie laughed, "Dirty, dirty Brian.  Don't worry, I won't."

"So where is it?" Anna asked.

"Don't tell us, let J find it!" Nick wiggled his eyebrows.  This elicited another blush from Katie.

***

The group rode up in the elevator together.  AJ stood at the back of the elevator leaning against the wall.  His tuxedo jacket was hanging open around Katie's shoulders to keep her warm, the top buttons of his shirt unbuttoned.  He grabbed Katie, pulling her back against him.  Her back pressed against his front, his arms wrapped around her waist.

AJ nuzzled her neck, pulling the tuxedo jacket to the side, pressing hot kisses to her neck and shoulders.

"Hey Alex, I know it can be difficult to control yourself, but you're not alone in this elevator," Kevin reminded him laughing.

AJ groaned, giving Kevin the evil eye and he stopped kissing Katie.  Katie again blushed, seeing everyone staring at her and AJ.

The elevator door finally dinged and slowly opened.  Everyone went to their rooms.  Katie reached into the pocket of AJ's jacket and pulled out the room key.  Almost before she'd pulled the key back out of the door, AJ had it open and he was pushing her in.

"Okay, we're alone, let's see it," AJ grinned.  He looked like a little kid in a candy store.

Katie smiled and sidetracked into the bathroom.

Plopping onto the bed with a sigh, AJ groaned, "Where are you going?"

"I have to pee," Katie called from the bathroom.  Really she just needed a minute to gather herself.  It's not like the tattoo was on some forbidden part of her body, but it wasn't typically visible either.  The only other guy who had seen it was Dane, and that didn't go over well.  And she was afraid that things would get carried away.  She wasn't sure she was ready for that kind of carried away yet.

Katie took the opportunity to gather herself and get into her pajamas.  She walked out of the bathroom a few minutes later in a tank top and a pair of flannel, butterfly print pajamas.  AJ popped up the second he saw her, walking over to wrap his arms around her again.

The two kissed for a few minutes before Katie pushed him away, "Not many people get to see this."

She lifted her top a little, sliding a finger in the elastic waistband of her pants by her right hip.  Sliding the pants down a few inches, Katie's tattoo was revealed.

"Beth went to get it with me a few months ago.  It means strength.  I was getting this tattoo and then I was going to take all of my strength and get away from Dane," Katie explained.  The small tattoo on her hip was the Chinese symbol for strength, holding a lot of meaning for Katie.

"You are a very strong woman Katherine Faith Sullivan."

Katie laid back in the bed, watching AJ strip out of his tuxedo into a pair of flannel pants for pajamas.  He'd been sleeping on the couch again since Katie had arrived, even though Katie had protested.

"Will you please sleep in the bed tonight?" Katie asked.  She pulled the blanket up on one side of the bed, inviting him in with her.

Slowly AJ climbed into the bed next to Katie.  He pulled her close to him, his arms wrapped around her and she leaned against him.  Her head rested against his chest and she listened to his heart, felt his chest rise and fall with each breath.

Pressing a soft kiss against his chest, Katie whispered so softly she barely heard herself, "I love you."

"You awake in there?" Howie called through the door as he banged on it.  There was silence for a few minutes before he banged again to make sure.

"We're awake!" AJ called back.  He refused to get up yet though.

Katie was curled up against him, her eyes slowly opening as she woke up.  Their limbs were tangled together, Katie's hair fanned out on the pillow and on AJ.

"Radio interview in an hour!" Howie reminded AJ, "Be in the lobby in forty five minutes!"

AJ groaned.  He knew that he had to get up and get dressed, he was just too comfortable to do so.  He lay with Katie a few more minutes, his fingers tracing lazy patterns on her bare arm.  Finally Katie rolled over and let out a yawn as she stretched.  Sitting up in the bed, she looked over at AJ.

"You're okay with hanging with the girls this morning while we do this interview?" he asked as he got up to find a clean pair of jeans.

"Of course!" Katie watched him move around the room half naked, "It'll be nice to get to know them better...especially if I am going to be hanging out with them more."

"So they didn't scare you off?" AJ laughed as he pulled on a pair of jeans.

Katie shook her head and her face changed.  A sadness has crept into her eyes and her smile was a little forced.  AJ fastened his pants before going to sit with her on the bed.

"Whatsa matter babe?" he wrapped his arms around her.

"I don't want to go home this afternoon.  I...I want to stay with you."

"I know, and I would love to keep you.  But...you know you have to go home.  I'm not staying here anyways.  We've got a crazy schedule for the next few weeks.  You wouldn't have any fun if you stayed with me."

Katie nodded, "I know.  I was just dreaming.  They'll fire me at work if I miss much more.  And I won't be able to pay my bills pretty soon."

"I'm all yours this afternoon after the interview.  We'll spend the whole afternoon together before you have to be at the airport.  And after that...we'll be back together before you know it."

Katie nodded again, still a bit sad, but she was feeling much better now.  She was more reassured that this was for real.

After a few minutes of letting him hold her, the two got up and started getting ready.  Much to everyone else's surprise, AJ and Katie were the first into the lobby.  Both just wanted the interview to be over so they could spend their last little time together before Katie went back home to California.

Kristin and Leighanne had accompanied their respective husbands to the lobby as well.  The girls were going to have a nice and relaxing breakfast with some much needed get to know you conversation and girl talk.

The three girls had opted for the restaurant in the lobby of the hotel instead of venturing out in the cold New York winter.  They quickly got a table and sat down.  After ordering breakfast they got right down to business.

"You and Alex are so darn cute," Leighanne gushed.

Katie blushed, "He's absolutely amazing.  I don't know what I'd have done without him.  He saved my life."

"What do you mean?" Kristin cocked her head slightly to the side as she attempted to figure out what Katie meant.  She and Leighanne wanted to know what was going on, they were worried for their new friend, but at the same time they didn't want to push the subject.

"My last boyfriend..." Katie began.

Kristin and Leighanne sat silently, waiting for Katie to continue.

"His name was Dane.  He was pretty much the reason that my friend Beth set up the whole meeting with Alex."

"Carter's cousin Beth?" Leighanne wanted to elaborate.

"Yeah.  She's my best friend and room mate."

"So...?" Kristin tried to get back to the subject at hand, unsure how to word the question she wanted to ask.

"Dane.  Like I said, he was my last boyfriend," Katie stalled as she tried to figure out what exactly to share with them, "Did Alex tell you why he stayed in California for the whole week they guys were on vacation?"

"He said that a friend was in trouble...they'd just gotten out of the hospital and he was staying to make sure they were okay..." Leighanne offered, "That was you?"

Katie nodded, "He'd just met me.  He's the only guy that's really cared about me.  I mean...I have guy friends, but they're all...safe."

"Safe?" Leighanne asked.

"Yeah.  Joe is Beth's boyfriend.  And Ben...he's gay.  It's not the same kind of relationship with them."

"So he...Dane, I mean...he hurt you?" Kristin asked the question she and Leighanne both wanted to ask.  It was the only logical jump from Katie telling them there was a Dane to her being in the hospital and AJ saving her life.

Katie slowly nodded again.  Kristin and Leighanne weren't really sure what to say.  There's not really anything someone can say to make that kind of thing any better.  They each took one of Katie's hands in theirs, silently letting their new friend know that she was really okay now.

Katie shared a select few details about what had happened, mostly in the end when AJ involved himself.

"He helped me summon the strength to get away from Dane.  I guess I kind of fell in love with him in the process."

"You're definitely a keeper," Kristin smiled, "You're not much like AJ's girlfriends."

Katie looked at her puzzled.

"You definitely bring out the Alex in him," Leighanne assured her, "We like that."

***

"Where are my shoes?" Katie cried.  She was trying to pack her things up before she missed her flight.  She'd neglected packing earlier, AJ having had convinced her that making out was a much better use of their afternoon.  Well, not convince.  That's not the right word.  He'd really just had to mention it and Katie dropped what was in her hands.  She was almost wishing she hadn't abandoned packing.  Almost.

"Have you checked under the bed?" AJ asked from the bed.  The same exact place he'd been the entire afternoon as she necked with Katie.  He was watching her scramble around the room, a goofy grin on his face.  Sure they were late, but he was enjoying watching her run around like a chicken with it's head cut off.

"Gee thanks for the help.  Are you having fun over there doing nothing?" Katie half laughed-half groaned as she got onto the floor to check under the bed.

"I'm not doing nothing.  I'm watching you."

Katie shook her head, laughing, "Aren't you supposed to be packing, too?"

"I will.  After I drop you off.  We're not leaving until later tonight."

"Well then do you think you could help me?  Instead of just watching me?  I will not be at all happy with you if I miss my flight...even if I don't really want to go," she added as an afterthought.

"I'm all yours.  What do you want me to do?"

Katie paused and grinned.  What she really wanted to tell him was to hop back on that bed and kiss her some more.  She shook the thought from her head and sighed, "Just make sure I got all my stuff out of the bathroom..."

AJ strolled into the bathroom and emerged empty-handed a few minutes later.

Katie took one last look around the messy hotel room and zipped her bag.  He took both of her bags and led her out of the room and down the hall.  They rode down to the lobby in silence.  The entire drive to the airport, AJ held her hand.

He hadn't worn any sort of disguise or hat-surprisingly-so Katie had insisted he just drop her off without coming in to see her off.  Reluctantly he'd agreed it was for the best.  If he were to be recognized in the airport Katie would definitely miss her flight.

"Call me the second you get home.  I'll be looking for a voicemail when I get off of my flight."

"Promise," Katie gave him a watery smile.  She'd just taken a big step in her life and their relationship and she already had to leave him.  That conversation they'd had about long distance relationships was getting put to the test.

"And you call me if you need me.  I don't care what time it is.  If it's three in the morning and you can't sleep..." AJ softly demanded.

Katie nodded, "I miss you already."

"We'll be back together before you know it."

Katie softly kissed him before stepping away.

"Oh," he called out to her and Katie turned, "I love you, too."

This time the smile spread across her face.  She knew that he'd heard her the night before.

"Beth!" Katie called out as she walked into the apartment, "Bethany Joy!  I'm home!  Where are you?!?"

"I'm right here," Beth exited the small kitchen, "Stop yelling!"

Katie dropped her bags and ran over to her friend.

"How was your trip?"

"Amazing," Katie grinned, "Did you see me on tv?"

"AJ's girlfriend, huh?"

Katie studied her friend's face.  She wasn't sure how Beth was going to react to that piece of news.  She knew Beth had nothing against AJ, she was just watching out for her best friend.

"Yeah.  Kind of a surprise, huh?  We're official!"

"You okay with that?" Beth asked a little skeptical.

Katie nodded, "Yeah...I really am."

"Good," Beth finally replied.  A grin spread across Katie's face.  It was all good.

The grin quickly left Katie's face though.  She watched Beth's expression, telling Katie that there was something more.

"What's wrong?" Katie led Beth to sit on the couch.  The expression indicated and ‘let's sit down' conversation.

"Why does something have to be wrong?"

"I know you.  That's not a happy and excited for me face.  That's an ‘I have something bad to tell you' face.  What is it?"

Beth relented.  She hadn't wanted to spoil Katie's trip, so she didn't call to tell her.  And Katie was so happy right now.  It was as good a time as any.

"The detective called."

"Oh," Katie sat still for a few seconds, "And?  What did he say?"

"The DA decided to press charges."

"We kind of figured they would.  The police officers even said it was really likely," Katie was stalling.  She wanted to know what had happened, but she was scared all at the same time.

Dane had skipped town the second he posted bail less than twenty-four hours after putting Katie in the hospital that last time.  A warrant was signed for his arrest.  It hadn't been that hard to find him.

The arraignment had been scheduled to occur while Katie would be in New York.  She didn't have to be there.  The arraignment just allowed Dane to decide how he was going to plead, and let the judge assign things from there.  Katie was worried now that he'd pled not guilty and it would go to trial.  That would mean getting up in front of him and the court to testify against him.

Katie took a deep breath, "Okay.  What happened?"

"He pled guilty," Beth began.

"Well that's good."

"Yeah...but he only got three to six months...two years probation after that."

"Wow," Katie didn't know what else to say.  She was upset.

Katie had looked into it.  She knew that he probably wouldn't get much.  If she had gone to the police before, like Beth had told her, things might have been better.  She could've been done with him a long time ago.  And if he'd come back after her...he might have gotten a little more time.

"The detective said you could call him if you had any questions," Beth rubbed her friend's hand in a comforting gesture.

"Okay...thanks," Katie replied absently.

Beth watched her for a few seconds, trying to make sure Katie wasn't going to completely break down.  She knew her friend just needed to be alone for now.

"I have to work early tomorrow, so I'm going to bed.  If you need me, you know where to find me," she forced a small smile, "Are you going to be okay?"

Katie nodded and stood up.  She turned away from her friend and walked down the hall to her bedroom.  Beth eventually followed her, turning into her own room.

Katie paced the floor of her room, trying to compose herself.  She'd remembered that she was supposed to call AJ when she'd gotten home.  If she didn't call him, he would call her when he landed.  She also knew that she wouldn't be able to get through a conversation with him without breaking down.

She checked the time and tried to compose herself enough to call him.  His flight probably hadn't landed yet.  She crossed her fingers that her math was right and dialed his cell phone number.

His voicemail picked up on the fourth ring and she listened to his calming voice.  It beeped and she started talking, "Hey baby, it's me.  I got home a little bit ago and Beth bombarded me for details.  I miss you.  I hope you had a good flight home.  I'm exhausted, so I'm going to go to bed.  I'll call you in the morning.  Love you."

***

"No!  Please stop!  You're hurting me!" Katie mumbled in her sleep.

Beth rolled over, cracking her eyes open in the dark and listening.  She thought she'd heard something, but it was quiet.  She rolled back over and closed her eyes again.

"No stop!" Katie moaned again, her unintelligible cries getting louder.

Beth knew then that she'd heard something before.  She sprung out of bed and ran into Katie's room.  She found Katie thrashing around in her bed completely tangled in her sheets.

"Katie!  Shh...it's okay," Beth reached a hand out to touch her friend's arm.  She sat down on the edge of the bed, trying to wake Katie up.  Katie swatted at Beth, pushing at her and telling her to go away.

Beth used more force this time, trying to shake Katie awake as gently as she could, "Katie wake up!  It's okay!  It's not real!  You're just dreaming!"

Katie jumped, startled out of sleep.  Her breathing was labored and tears were streaking down her face.  She frantically scanned the dimly lit room for him.

"It's okay hon, you were just having a nightmare," Beth soothed.

Katie nodded.  She was softly crying as she pulled her knees up to her chest.  She was trying to make herself as tiny as she could.  Hugging her knees tightly to her body, Katie slowly rocked herself.

"You okay?"

Katie gave a small nod in response.

"Do you want me to stay with you?"

Katie shook her head.

"Let's call AJ."

Katie shook her head with more force this time and whispered, "No!  It's so late, I don't want to wake him up...he's so busy...he's got so much to do..."

Beth sighed.  She knew AJ would be able to help calm Katie down, but she was afraid going against her wishes would only make her more upset, "Are you sure you don't want me to stay with you?"

"No...you have to work early...I'm fine..."

Reluctantly Beth got up after squeezing Katie's hand comfortingly.  Alone in the dark again, Katie couldn't fall back to sleep.  She sat in the middle of her bed, curled into a tight ball.  She sat there in silence, staring at the wall across from her bed, scared to fall back to sleep.

***

"Hello?" Beth groggily answered the phone.  She hadn't slept well the night before after Katie had woken up.

"Umm...Beth?"

"Depends.  Who's this?" she asked the anonymous person on the other end of the phone.

"It's AJ.  Katie's phone is off.  Is she okay?"

"Oh, hey AJ.  Sorry, I'm a little out of it.  Didn't sleep well last night.  Katie hasn't gotten up yet."

Beth wasn't completely lying there.  She wasn't sure Katie was actually sleeping, so saying she hadn't gotten up yet was only stretching the truth a little.

"Is she okay?" he asked again.

Beth sighed, "No.  She'll kill me if she knows I told you.  She had a nightmare last night."

"She was fine when we were in New York."

"I figured.  She hasn't had one in a little while.  She got news on Dane though.  I think it upset her more than she let on to me."

"Shit.  I didn't think she sounded right on her voicemail...I wanted to hear her voice this morning."

"I can go see if she's awake..."

"No need.  I'm up," Katie said as she walked into the kitchen.  She was obviously exhausted, but an outsider would probably never guess why.  She'd masked her fear, reverting to her ways when she hid the abuse.

"It's AJ," Beth told her and held the phone out.

Katie took it and put it to her ear, "Hey Alex."

"Hey babe, how you doing this morning?"

"I'm great, why wouldn't I be?"

"Oh...I was...I was just asking.  I miss you."

"Did Beth tell you?"

AJ conceded, "You should have called me.  I told you, I don't care what time it is."

"I know.  You just have so much going on.  I didn't want you worrying about me, too.  I'm fine, really."

"Did you sleep?"

"A little."

"You have to work today?"

"Yeah in a few hours."

"Are you up for that?"

"Fuck!  I'm fine!" Katie exploded, "I have to work!  I can't keep asking for days off or calling in sick!  It's just a few hours, I'll be fine."

AJ hesitated.  He hadn't meant to upset her; he was just worried about her.

"I'm sorry.  I know you're strong.  It's just so hard not being able to be there for you."

"I know, and I'm sorry.  I just...everyone keeps asking me if I'm okay.  Of course I'm not okay!  Did Beth tell you what the detective said?" Katie spat out.

"No...she thought it would be best if you told me."

"Well at least she left something..." Katie grimaced, "He only got three to six months."

"That sucks...that's bullshit...I'm sorry babe."

"Yeah.  I guess I'll just have to see where things are when he gets out.  I don't know if I can stay here when they release him."

"We can figure something out.  It'll all be okay.  You're with me now," AJ assured her.

Katie smiled for the first time since Beth had broken the news, "Thanks Alex.  I don't know what I'd do without you.  I love you."

"I love you, too, babe."

"You're late," the overweight, greasy, balding man behind the counter grunted.

Katie glanced at the clock on the wall above his head and apologized, "Personal problems, sorry.  It won't happen again."

She jammed her car keys into her purse and stuffed it under the counter.  Pulling her apron from the hook on the wall, she quickly tied it on and went to her first table.  She took the couples drink order and moved on to the next table.  The lunch rush had already begun at the small diner Katie worked in.

She went non-stop for the next two hours.  She hadn't even had an opportunity to say hi to her co-worker and good friend Ben.  They'd passed each other hurriedly numerous times, but neither could slow down for a greeting.

Finally the diner cleared out enough that Katie could breathe.  She could feel the beginnings of a headache creeping on.

"Order up Katie!" the cook through the window leading to the kitchen rang the small bell.

Katie groaned, "Oh will someone just put me out of my misery?"

Ben watched her grab the plates and walk them over to the correct table.  When she returned he turned to her, "You okay there sugar?"

"Holy sh..." Katie began, but cut herself short in fear of a customer or her boss hearing her, "I'm fine.  I just wish everyone would stop asking!"

"It's only because we're worried hon.  You look like poo," Ben told her.

"Gee thanks.  Nice to see you, too.  I slept like crap last night, that's all."

"Missing the new beau?"

A small smile played across her lips as she thought of AJ, "So you saw?"

"Honey, I'm gay, I live for the pre-shows to see what everyone is wearing!  You looked hot, BTW."

"BTW?" Katie raised her eyebrows, "What are you, twelve?"

Ben laughed and rolled his eyes, "You got a table.  You want me to get it, you can take a break?"

"No, it's fine.  No need to give Greasy McBalderson any more reason to yell at me."

Ben laughed at the nickname the two had given their boss as he watched Katie walk over to the table.

"Hey there, what can I get you to drink?" Katie asked without looking up from her small order pad.

"Hey there Kitty Kat."

Katie froze.  He's in jail, she told herself.  You're hearing things.

Slowly Katie looked up from the pad to see who she was dealing with.  The only person that ever called her Kitty Kat was Dane.  And sometimes a few of his friends.

"What, nothing to say Kitty Kat?"

Katie took a deep breath, "Hi Glen.  What can I get you to drink?"

He grinned, "Coke.  Not going to sit down and talk with me, Kitty Kat?"

"I'm working.  And I really have nothing to say to you."

"You put my boy in jail.  We've got plenty to talk about Kitty Kat."

The nickname sent shivers down her spine every time she heard it.  It only brought the memories of him flooding back.

"Please stop calling me that.  That's not my name.  Someone will be over to take your order in a minute."

Katie turned to walk away.

"What the hell is your problem?" Glen yelled.

Katie froze.  Her boss looked up and raised his eyebrows at her.  The few other customers in the diner looked over at the scene.

Swallowing the lump in her throat, Katie turned back around.

"This is my job, please don't make a scene."

Glen grinned and watched Katie turn away again to walk back to the counter where Ben was standing.  She was trying to keep her breathing under control, trying to force the tears back to keep them from falling.

"Is that who I think it is?" Ben asked.  When Katie nodded Ben continued, "You take my table, I'll finish with him."

Katie nodded, went back to the bathroom to fix herself and then went back out to wait on the couple that had just sat down in Ben's section.  She didn't even look back over at the table Glen had stationed himself at.  Even after he'd eaten, he still hung out at the table watching her.

"I think he's waiting for your shift to end," Ben suggested.

"Wouldn't surprise me.  He'll be out of your hair in three minutes.  I just have to wipe down my last table."

"You want me to walk you out or something?"

"No, I'll be fine.  I'll just go right to my car, I'm parked close."

"If you say so...but I'm keeping an eye on you until you are safe in your car.  I'm calling the police if he even touches you."

"I'll be fine Ben.  Thanks," Katie hugged him and went to wipe down the table.

A few minutes later she'd hung up her apron and gathered her purse.  She pulled out her car keys before she walked out, intending on making a bee-line to the car and getting right in.

Just as they had suspected, Glen followed Katie out of the diner.  He grabbed her arm as he caught up to her, "We need to talk Kitty Kat."

"I asked you not to call me that.  We still have nothing to talk about," Katie pulled her arm out of his grasp.

"Ahh, getting tough now, eh?" Glen grinned as he poked at her.

"Don't touch me," Katie demanded and she turned to walk towards her car again.

Again Glen grabbed for her arm.  Katie swung around and punched him square in the jaw, "I said don't touch me!"

Glen stepped back in shock, not saying anything at first.  He watched Katie walk quickly to her car and called after her, "Drop the charges, Kitty Kat, or you'll be sorry."

Katie ignored him.  There was nothing she could do, even if she wanted to.  The DA had pressed the charges, not Katie, so Katie couldn't drop the charges.

She got in the car and struggled to stick the keys in the ignition.  She didn't want him to see how much he had upset her so she forced herself to calm down enough to start the car and drive out of the parking lot.  She didn't want to talk to anyone either though.  Katie knew that Beth would probably be home and she wasn't interested in telling her what had happened.  She'd had enough of everyone constantly asking her if she was okay.

Katie decided to take the long way home, driving through various neighborhoods as she listened to the radio and tried to cool down.  It hadn't really worked...especially when the Backstreet Boys latest single boomed through her radio.  All she succeeded in doing was upsetting herself even further.  All she could think about after that was how much she missed AJ, how much she wanted to be back in New York with him, still making out on that hotel bed.

She didn't even remember driving home, but she soon found herself parked in her spot in front of their apartment building.  She dragged herself up the stairs and forced the front door open.  She attempted a bee-line right for her room, but just as she'd figured, it hadn't worked.  Joe and Beth were cuddling on the couch, talking and laughing, when Katie walked in.

"Katie what's wrong?" Beth asked, extracting herself from Joe and going over to her friend.

"Nothing.  Long day.  I'm tired."

"I'm not surprised, you barely slept last night," Beth said to Katie's retreating back.  She looked back at Joe and when he signaled for her to follow, Beth did, "Katie...I know you...there's something more, but I won't push it."

"I appreciate that."

"I have to tell you something though..."

"What is it?" Katie asked, a little worried at the tone of Beth's voice.

"Please don't be mad at me...I talked to AJ this afternoon while you were at work."

Katie glared at her friend, "And?"

"We're really worried about you."

"There's nothing to be worried about."

"Obviously there is if you are coming home in tears from one afternoon at work."

"I don't want to talk about it."

"That's fine.  Doesn't make me any less worried though.  AJ said that he wants you closer."

"You sound like you're going along with this..."

"Normally I'm not sure I would be."

"Okay, so why are you now then?"

"Well, that's kind of the other thing I have to tell you..."

"Shit, just tell me already."

"Joe got a new job."

"I know I'm exhausted, and I've got other things on my mind...but I'm not seeing a connection between Alex, and Joe's new job."

"Would you let me finish!  It's an amazing job, huge step up for him, and it's in Orlando."

"So...you're moving?"

"Yeah.  That's why I'm going along with AJ wanting to move you closer to him."

"You make it sound like I'm a kid splitting my time between divorced parents or something."

"Sorry.  I just...I think he's really good for you.  He said that he's busy with work stuff the rest of the week, but then he has a few weeks off before they go to Europe."

"Wait, wait...what?"

"Joe has to be at his new job in two weeks.  We're flying out there this weekend to look at houses."

"So if Alex hadn't gone along with your little plan...you were just going to up and leave me?" Katie said angrily.  The tears were welling up in her eyes again.  Things had gotten out of hand awfully fast, "I can't move next week!"

"I was never going to just leave you!" Beth yelled, her anger rising, too, "I would never do that to you.  And AJ didn't just go along with it.  It was his damn idea!"

Katie stopped, her mouth dropping open to form a small "O".

"I was talking to him about how upset I was that I might be leaving you here!  I wasn't sure if you'd be interested in moving with us."

Katie sat silently watching her friend explain; crying tears of fear, excitement, joy...her body was running the gamut of emotions.

"Do you know how much that man already loves you?  I had to convince him not to drop everything to fly out here because you had a damn nightmare last night.  I knew you'd be so mad if he'd have done that!  You should've heard him when he mentioned you coming with us.  He was so excited at the thought of you living in the same city as him, let alone the same house!"

Unsure of her voice, Katie just smiled.  She'd thought so many times in the last twenty-four hours of quitting her job and just leaving.  She just hadn't been sure of where to go.  Now her best friend was moving across the country to the very same city that her boyfriend lived in.  It was all going to be great.

~October 2, 2002~

"You think you could have left just a little bit more stuff to pack in your bags?" Joe questioned as he eyed the pile of stuff yet to be put into bags.

Katie and Beth had packed up their apartment, donating various things, and keeping many others.  Beth and Joe had gone through both of their apartments, deciding on what pieces of furniture from each of them that they would move with them to Florida.  They were moving in together, they didn't need double furniture.  And Katie was going to be saying with AJ, at least for the time being, so she didn't need any of the furniture.

"We're going to be without a lot of stuff for at least a full week, I needed to make sure I had everything essential," Katie reasoned.

"And two curling irons are essential?"

Katie rolled her eyes, looking up at Joe, "I'm not explaining this to you.  Make yourself useful, or beat it."

Joe raised his eyebrows, "Wow, maybe I could pull that stick out of your ass for you?"

Katie dropped the clothes she'd been trying to fold and pack.  She took a few deep and calming breaths, even though they didn't really calm her, and turned to Joe again.

"You try finding out your abusive ex-boyfriend is getting off with a smack on the hand, finding out your very best friend is moving cross country, deciding to move cross country with her and her boyfriend, and then deciding to move in with your boyfriend whom you've been seeing for less than a month and who also happens to be a famous pop star...when that all happens to you, over the course of one damn week, and you try being calm and cheery!"

She turned back around to her bag and started shoving things into it angrily.

"What's all the yelling?" Beth walked into the room.  She watched Katie and then glared at Joe.

"What?" he asked incredulously.

"Go make sure the boxes are all ready to go in the morning or something," Beth shoo-ed him out of the room, "Katie, hon, relax."

"Relax?  Right.  That's going to happen.  You try-"

"I know, I know.  Easier said than done.  Your life has been completely turned upside down in the last few months.  I thought you wanted this though?"

"I do...I just...I'm scared.  What if I get out there and realize that Alex and I aren't going to work?"

"Oh Katie," Beth pulled her into a hug, "You can never know for sure.  You just have to take one day at a time.  I'll be right there, in the same city."

Katie nodded, wiping the tears from her eyes.

"Are we okay then?" Beth asked.

"Yeah.  We're good."

"Good, cause you, my dear friend, have a lot of packing left to do," Beth eyed the pile of stuff on what used to be Katie's bed.

The movers would be at the apartment the next morning to pack up the boxes and select pieces of furniture going on the move.  Things like Katie's bedroom furniture, Beth's bed, and the kitchen table would be taken apart and donated.

"Do you really need all of that in your bag?"

Katie stopped to examine the pile, "I guess I could pack some of it for the moving truck."

***

"Katie, let's go!" Joe yelled.

He and Beth had already packed their bags into the car that was taking them to the airport.  The movers had come and cleared the place out, Katie was just having trouble leaving her little apartment behind.  This was her home, it had been since she and Beth turned 18 and graduated high school.  It was going to be weird not driving down the same streets, parking in that tiny parking spot just downstairs, and walking up the stairs to their apartment anymore.

It would be good though.  She was going to be closer to AJ, and closer to her new group of friends.  All the guys lived pretty close by, which meant that Kristin and Leighanne would be close, too.  Her small circle of friends, consisting of mostly Beth, Joe and Ben, would lose one, but gain seven more.

Katie also reminded herself of Dane.  He wouldn't know where she was, wouldn't be able to harass her any more.  She could put that part of her life behind her, and move on to the next part, with AJ.

Slowly Katie dragged her bags out of her room.  Joe took them and the girls stood in their empty living room.  They wrapped their arms around each other, each knowing that the other was thinking of the happy memories they'd shared in this apartment.

"Off to make new memories," Beth smiled.  Katie nodded and the two girls walked out of the front door of their apartment for the last time.

"Good bye old life, make room for a new start."

***

"Hello?" AJ answered.  He didn't recognize the number that showed up on the caller ID, but he answered in anyways.

"Hey sexy, whatcha doin?"

"Katie?"

"Of course it's Katie!  Where are you?"

"Home.  Where are you?  Shouldn't you be on a plane right now?"

"No.  I'm actually standing at the end of what I believe to be your driveway," AJ could hear the smile in her voice.

He went to the front window, pulling back the curtain, and spotted Katie standing there next to a car.

"What are you doing here?" AJ ran to the door and flung it open.

When Katie saw the door open she ran up the driveway to him, "We caught an earlier flight.  I wanted to surprise you!"

AJ dropped the cordless phone onto a table just inside the door and caught Katie in his arms.  She wrapped her arms around his neck and the two kissed.

Beth and Joe walked up the driveway, Beth smiling at the reunited couple.  Katie heard their footsteps and reluctantly let AJ go.

"Sorry, forgot you two were there," she giggled.

AJ let the three into his house, "How was the flight?"

"It was great," Joe answered.

"Long," Katie and Beth both replied then laughed.

AJ helped Joe with the bags, setting them in the foyer, before giving the new guests a tour of the house.  He took them around, showing the living room and kitchen, then up to the bedrooms.

"The guest rooms are all set to go, take your pick," AJ offered.

"Thanks for inviting us to stay, man.  It's nice not to have to worry about a hotel right now," Joe said.

"Not a problem.  It's not like I don't have the room.  You're welcome until you find a place of your own."

"We can be roommates for a little longer," Beth grinned.

Katie wasn't paying much attention, she was too happy to be with AJ again.

"I don't have much in the way of food.  I was going to do that before I came to get you all from the airport, but you showed up early!" AJ led them back to the kitchen.

"We can go grocery shopping tomorrow," Katie suggested.

"If you guys are hungry...we can order in, go out...you're choice."

They decided that ordering in would be best for them.  It would be nice to settle in, relax, rest from the long flight.  Pizza was ordered and the story-telling began.

Joe and Beth had been dating forever.  Katie, Beth and Joe had known each other since high school, so he knew the girls.  He'd been there for all of their crazy girl antics.

Much to AJ's amusement and Katie and Beth's embarrassment, Joe relayed a number of stories about the girls.

"I can not picture you skinny dipping!" AJ laughed, looking at Katie.  Joe had just started a story about Beth and Katie, amongst others, skinny dipping in the lake near a friend's house.

"I was nineteen...and a little bit drunk..." Katie trailed off and then laughed at herself.

"No, you haven't heard the best part!" Joe was laughing.

Beth hid her face behind her hands.  Joe was going to pay for this later.

"One of the guys got out and ended up taking everyone's clothes and ran back to the house."

"Oh god, it was so embarrassing!" Beth cried.

"One of the neighbors heard us...she was this little old lady.  She came out to see what all the noise was about," Katie continued.

"She was so mad!  She just kept yelling at us.  It was so horrible," Beth laughed.

They all traded stories and laughed into the night.  They all got comfortable with each other, learning about each other.

Hearing about Katie's crazy days made AJ wish for the girl that Katie was before Dane came along to come back out.  She looked so happy telling all these stories, re-living the fun she and Beth had.  That wasn't her anymore.  She didn't take the chances of getting caught skinny dipping anymore.  She didn't let herself go and be free.

He loved the Katie she was now, but he couldn't help but wonder if she wouldn't be happier if the old Katie came back out a little.  It would be fun to be crazy together sometimes.

The stories eventually ended and the group fell into a comfortable and tired silence.  AJ and Joe dragged big bags up the stairs to guest rooms while the girls grabbed the smaller ones.

Katie stopped at AJ's room, putting her bag in there and helped them bring Beth and Joe's bags to the room they would be using.  After they said good night, Katie followed AJ back to his room.

"So you're staying with me then?" AJ asked, a hint of a grin showing.

Katie nodded, "I miss falling asleep next to you.  It makes me feel safe."

Katie changed into her pajamas and curled up in AJ's bed.  A girl could get used to this...

AJ woke up the next morning with a mouth full of hair.  Katie was draped over his chest.  Their legs were intertwined, her head resting on his chest, her hair spread across his face.  He gently extracted the hair from his mouth and looked down at her.  She looked so peaceful sleeping.

AJ just wanted to spend the day in bed with Katie, just like this, but the sun shining through the curtains had forced him awake.  He knew he had to get up eventually, he had one last meeting to attend before getting the week off.

Katie's eyes fluttered open and she smiled up at him, "Good morning sexy."

"Good morning babe," he smiled back and leaned in to kiss her.

Katie rolled over and lay back remembering the events of the night before.  After AJ had helped Beth and Joe get settled, they'd gone to bed in his room.  Though they hadn't actually gone to bed immediately.  She could still feel him on her, smell him on her skin.

It wasn't something she'd planned, having sex with AJ the night before.  It just sort of happened.  Not that it was a bad thing.  Quite the opposite actually.  Katie hadn't felt like that in...a long time.  It was never like that with Dane, not even in the beginning.  It might have started off a little awkward on Katie's part, but it didn't stay that way.  Besides, AJ didn't seem to mind.

She sat up.  They hadn't gotten dressed again after their love-making...what was the point?  Suddenly self-conscious though, Katie grabbed the sheet to cover herself as AJ got up.  She knew he'd seen every inch of her the night before, but that was different.  It was daytime, sun shining through the curtains, full light.  It was just her insecurities showing through.  The insecurities that she would have to work through.

"Hungry?" she asked him as she combed through the tangles in her hair.

"I have no food," AJ pointed out.

"You have to have something I can make," Katie reasoned.  She went over to her bag and dug out a pair of jeans and a tank top.  Dropping the sheet, she put on the clothes, then tossed the sheet back on the bed and walked out of the room.  She could hear AJ start the shower as she made her way down the stairs to the kitchen.

She went into the kitchen and pulled open the refrigerator door.  Juice and soda.  Not much you could make with those.  Moving on to the freezer, Katie found similar.  There was a frozen...something...Katie couldn't tell for sure what it was.  She just tossed it back in the freezer and closed the door tight.  The pantry, her last hope.  Same luck.  There was microwave popcorn...from a year ago?  That couldn't be very good anymore.

"There really is no food in this house," she heard footsteps entering the kitchen, but didn't look up to see who they belonged to.

"Not my house, why should I have food here," Joe laughed.

Katie looked up, "Oh, sorry.  Thought you were Alex. Mornin' Joe."

"Morning.  I think Alex is still in the shower."

"Okay...well, if you're hungry...you're outta luck.  There's juice and soda...old microwave popcorn...and an unidentified something in the freezer."

Joe laughed, "Sounds tasty.  I'll just take some juice up to Beth."

"We'll go grocery shopping today.  Beth okay?"

"She's just tired.  You know, long day yesterday...jet lag," Joe offered up a phony explanation.

"Mmhmm.  Celebrating your first night in a new city, were you?  Tell her I said good morning."

"Will do," Joe grinned.

"Still planning on going apartment hunting this afternoon?"

"That's the plan.  We'll keep you updated."

Katie leaned against the counter making a mental grocery list as Joe walked out of the kitchen with a glass of juice.

He passed AJ on the way up the stairs, "She's tearing apart your kitchen."

AJ just laughed and walked into the kitchen.

"You know, you really do have no food here," Katie said as AJ walked in.

"I told you.  I don't go shopping much.  Most of the time it's midnight grocery shopping or I might encounter fans.  You know, crazed women chasing after you while you are grocery shopping..."

"Not that fun?  Too bad."

"Oh yeah?"

"I'm crazed...why didn't you run away from me?" Katie smirked.

"Mmm, I guess I might just be a little crazy," AJ stepped towards her, pinning her to the counter.

"Crazy now...that could be dangerous."

"Not for you.  You're all safe with me," AJ said as his hands slipped under her tank top to feel the bare skin on her sides.

Katie had just wrapped her arms around AJ's neck and slipped her tongue into his mouth when Beth walked in.

"Oops, sorry," Beth blushed, backing right back out of the kitchen.

AJ and Katie pulled themselves apart.

"Do I have to share you today?" Katie asked.

"Only for a few hours.  I have a meeting with the guys, then I'm all yours."

"I suppose I can live with that," Katie joked, "I'll go do some grocery shopping.  Maybe I'll get to cook breakfast for you tomorrow morning."

Katie walked out of the kitchen in search of her friend while AJ grabbed a soda and went to get ready for his meeting.

"Sorry about the kitchen," Katie said, entering the room Beth and Joe were sharing.

"Don't worry about it.  Not like I saw anything...important," Beth giggled, "You two are so...gross!"

"Gross?" Katie picked up a nearby pillow and chucked it at her friend, "I seem to remember you and a certain boyfriend making out all over the apartment in Cali."

"Oh well.  No, but really, it's cute.  I don't think I've seen you this happy since before..."

"Yeah, I know.  I am.  It's great.  Anyway, enough of that.  Going house shopping?"

"Yeah, Joe's got someone that has some places he wants us to see.  Swears they are amazing.  I guess we'll see," Beth didn't sound too hopeful.  It was wishful thinking if one believed that you could find the perfect place to live your first days shopping."

They heard the phone and a few seconds later AJ called out for Katie, "Babe, it's for you!"

"For me?  Who is calling me?" Katie questioned as she went into the master bedroom to grab the phone, "Hello?"

"Katie!  Brian told me you were here!  How are you?"

"I'm great.  We got in yesterday afternoon.  Is this...Leighanne?" Katie hoped she was right.  It was only logical that it would be if Brian was the one relaying the news.

"Oh my gosh, I'm sorry.  Yeah, it's Leighanne.  So you're here for good now then?"

"Here for good.  You're all stuck with me now," Katie laughed.

Leighanne laughed back, "This is exciting!  I was calling because I'm sure you know that the guys have some thing to do.  Wanted to see if you wanted some company?  Kris and I were going to lunch.  We'd love if you joined us!"

"I'd love to.  I just have to make sure my friend is occupied for the afternoon," Katie replied then covered the mouthpiece, "Hey Beth, what time are you going out?"

"We're meeting the realtor at about one.  Go have fun!"

Katie nodded and pulled the phone back to her ear, "I guess I'm in."

"Great.  Brian is coming by to pick up Alex, so I'll just ride with him over and we can make them take AJ's car."

"Sounds great.  I'll see you in a bit then!"

Katie hung up and went to get changed into something decent for an outing.  Twenty minutes later, Brian and Leighanne had arrived and Joe and Beth had left.

Leighanne and Katie drove out to meet Kristin at a restaurant that the girls frequented together for girls lunches.

"I was so excited when Brian told me that Alex said you were moving out here!" Leighanne said.

The girls sat down and ordered lunch, getting right into conversation.

"I was a little hesitant at first," Katie admitted, "It's weird picking up and leaving like that."

Kristin spoke up then, "I think Kev was a little hesitant about it, too.  Mister sensibility-think everything through to the last detail debated whether or not to talk Alex out of it all."

Katie didn't say anything, unsure of what to make of that comment.  Kristin caught her look, realizing that her comment hadn't come off completely right.

"Oh, no, that makes it sounds like he doesn't like you!  He thinks you're great.  Kevin thinks you're really good for Alex.  I think he sees what we see."

"And what do you see?" Katie asked, almost wishing she hadn't.

"You two are adorable.  Perfect," Leighanne supplied.

Kristin nodded, "I think Kevin is just worried.  He thinks you're great, he just doesn't want either of you two to get hurt.  Honestly, I think he was more worried about you.  Alex kind of filled the guys in on you a little more...about Dane and all that.  I think he was worried that you were pushing yourself too fast."

"I wondered about that, too.  But I think I would've come out here anyways, even if I hadn't met Alex.  My best friend was coming out here.  I had nothing to stay back in California for.  I tried to make myself think about what I would do if there was no Alex, and I knew that either way I was moving with Beth and Joe.  Being closer to Alex is just an extra bonus."

"Good.  We can all relax then.  We know you moved out here for your reasons," Leighanne smiled.

The girls fell into a more relaxed conversation as their food arrived.  The rest of the afternoon was spent discussing much less serious topics.

"I shouldn't have come out.  I don't know why I let you two talk me into it.  I feel like crap," Katie whined.

"Aww, I'm sorry hon," Kristin put a hand on Katie's back, softly rubbing in a comforting gesture.  "Do you want one of us to take you home?"

Leighanne nodded her agreement that one of them would be happy to take Katie back home.  She didn't want to keep her ill friend out any more than her ill friend probably wanted to stay out.  It wouldn't be a problem to reschedule their lunch, they just wanted Katie to feel better.

"No...I'm already here," Katie sighed.  She just wanted to get this lunch over with.

They Boys were all overseas on a short promotional tour, so the girls had started having lunches once a week.  They told each other it was just to keep them all from going insane from loneliness, but they all knew that wasn't the full truth.

The girls always started their lunches with updates.  Who got a phone call, where were the Boys, was everyone okay and behaving?  The girls were able to keep better tabs on their Boys this way.  They didn't always have the opportunity to call every day, so if one of the girls didn't get a call one day it was almost inevitable that one of the others did.  Between the three of them, the girls always knew that their Boys were safe and behaving.

It had been a little over a week at this point since the girls had gone to lunch.  Kristin had gone out of town for some last minute work thing, so their original lunch a few days earlier had been postponed.  Katie told herself this was the only reason she'd agreed to go out, but she knew that she was lying to herself.  She did want to catch up with her new friends, but the reasons ran deeper than this.

Beth and Joe had lived in one of AJ's guest room for about a week before they found and moved into their perfect first house.  Katie hadn't seen much of her best friend since she'd gone over to help them unpack and settle in that week.  The Boys had left for their tour shortly after, so Katie had been busy getting her ‘AJ fix' before he left for several weeks.  After that the girls always seemed to be available at staggered times.  Katie would have something going on when Beth was available, and vice versa.  They'd talked on the phone almost daily, but after living together since freshman year of college...it just wasn't the same.

Beth hadn't seemed to notice as much.  She was enjoying the new living situation.  She didn't have to go to Joe's house, or hide in her room if they wanted to do something more...personal.  She'd also had a new job, and this was keeping her pretty busy, too.  It had been rough on Katie though.  She wasn't used to not having her best friend, and now her boyfriend was gone, too.  It made it worse because she really needed her best friend right now.

"I'll be fine to make it through lunch.  I can't promise I won't have to run to the bathroom to throw up."

"You should've told us you were that sick!"

"Do you have a fever?" Leighanne reached over the table to feel Katie's forehead like a mother would her child.  "Let us take you home."

"No fever.  I dunno.  I'll be fine."

She was.  She forced her way through lunch, feeling a bit nauseous the whole time.  It didn't help that Kristin and Leighanne watched Katie like a hawk the entire time either.  Katie just forced herself to fake okay and hoped that the two wouldn't figure out what was wrong with her.  She wasn't one hundred percent sure, but Katie thought she knew what was going on.  She just wasn't sure she was ready to discuss it with her two new friends yet.

It was definitely possible.  The signs were all there.  The words her mother spoke during that dreadful ‘sex talk' had popped into Katie's head. ‘It only takes once!'  Why, oh why couldn't her mother be wrong?  And she wasn't even here to help her through this.  Katie wished it wasn't true, but deep down she knew it was.  It was the only explanation.  Katie was pregnant.

That's why she needed her best friend.  And that's why she had reluctantly agreed to this lunch even though she felt horrible.  She wasn't ready to outright tell the girls, and she wasn't sure she was ready to talk about it at all, but deep down Katie hoped one of them would figure it out.  If one of them figured it out, Katie would have someone to finally talk to.  She'd been sitting on this suspicion for almost a week now, and she'd yet to take a test or tell anyone at all.  But if either of the girls had caught on at all, neither was saying a word.

*****

She stopped at a drug store on the way home from lunch.  Actually, it was a bit out of her way, but she didn't want to be seen buying a home pregnancy test by anyone she would know.  Not that she knew a lot of people.  She had equal chance of being recognized by a Backstreet fan no matter where she went.  Her face was out there.  Either way she was screwed, but her immediate thought had been to go somewhere not close to home.

It was time for her to take this test.  She had to know for sure before she said anything to AJ.  No, that wasn't true.  She had to know for sure before she allowed herself to accept it.  Then she could tell AJ.  She needed to figure out what she was going to do.  Once that was taken care of she could tell AJ.

So many different thoughts were running through her mind as she drove home.  She had to think about this from two different perspectives.  What if AJ didn't want to be a daddy yet?  He wouldn't ditch her though.  Katie wanted to trust him, to know that he would do what he had to do, and things would be fine.  She was getting there.  It was just taking a while.  Living in an abusive relationship could mess your trust up.

One the one hand, AJ could say he wasn't ready and effectively end the relationship right then and there.  Would she keep the baby?  Would she even be able to keep the baby if that was the case?  Katie knew she'd love the baby no matter what, but she was worried about providing a good life for a child.  Being a single mom wouldn't be easy, especially when she didn't have a career or stable job.

Katie hadn't finished college.  Dane hadn't liked some of the guys in her classes, and he was suspicious of one of the teacher's assistants.  He'd demanded she drop her classes, and she just never went back.  Just another reason to hate him.

But maybe he would be okay with it.  She didn't expect him to wrap her up in his arms and proclaim his undying love for her and propose to her on the spot.  She wasn't stupid.  Katie knew it might take a little time for him to come around to it, but the AJ she knew would be okay.  She just had to keep reminding herself of that.

None of that mattered, though, until she peed on that little plastic stick and got the result.

Katie pulled into AJ's driveway, parked the car and got out.  Once she was safely inside the house, Katie pulled the small box from her purse.  Standing in the foyer, she kept willing her legs to take her to the bathroom, but they wouldn't move.  She just stood there, staring blankly at the box.

This was not how Katie had imagined all of this going down.  She was supposed to be married.  She was supposed to be trying to get pregnant, happy about telling her friends, not terrified of it all.

Startled, Katie found herself in the bathroom, the open box on the vanity counter and the directions in her shaking hands.  She silently read the directions, though none of it was being processed.  The whole time she was thinking ‘And I'm supposed to remember all of this when all I can think about his how much my life could be changing?'  She pushed the thought from her mind and re-read the directions.  Understanding them enough to follow through, Katie pulled out the little plastic stick, positioned it as the directions stated and that was that.

The directions said to wait five minutes.  Not an easy thing to do when you're trying to figure out if you have a little person growing inside of you.  The minutes seemed more like hours.  Hours Katie wished would hurry up and end, but that she also wished would never pass.  She wanted to get it over with and know already, and throw that damn stick out the window and never know at the same time.

Finally the timer rang.  The beeping startled Katie, making her jump.  Her heart leapt up into her throat.  She picked up the test and felt like she was moving in slow motion.  She squeezed her eyes shut before she could see.  She needed to prepare herself.

"One...two...three," Katie whispered, cracking her right eye open on three.

There it was.  Two little lines.

"I'm pregnant," Katie gasped.  It was real now.  "Oh wow...I'm pregnant."

"Have you told him yet?"

"Crap Beth, if you ask me that again I'm going to reach through the phone and smack you!"

"Mood swings much?  I was just asking."

"Sorry.  I'm just freaking out.  I haven't told him yet.  He comes home in less than a week.  I didn't want to tell him over the phone.  Now I just have to figure out how to tell him in person."

It had taken Katie a full week to digest the fact that she really was pregnant, and another few days to tell Beth.  She hadn't told anyone else yet, she wanted AJ to know before anyone else found out.  Beth had hounded her about it ever since she'd found out.

"Fine.  But if you don't tell him the first night he's home...I'll tell him for you."

"I'll tell him, I'll tell him.  Chill out.  I'm going to have to tell him soon anyways.  I'm not planning on letting the baby tell him."

"So how far along are you now?"

"Ten weeks I think, maybe a little farther?" Katie responded absently as her cell phone was ringing.  "Hey Beth, hang on just a second, my cell is ringing."

Katie put the cordless house phone down on the bed where she'd been sitting and reached over to the nightstand for her cell phone.  The small caller ID screen flashed ‘unknown'.  It wasn't all that odd.  Many times when AJ called it showed up that way if he was calling from a hotel or venue.  She flipped open the phone and put it up to her ear.

"Hello?"

"Katie?"

"Umm...Who's calling?" Katie didn't recognize the voice on the other end.

"An old friend."

"Ben?"  she didn't think it was Ben, it sure didn't sound like him, but she didn't know who else it could be.  No one else from California had her new cell phone number in Florida.

"No Ben here..."

"I'm sorry, I think you have the wrong number," Katie was starting to panic.  She had no idea who this could be, all she knew that it wasn't right.

"Oh c'mon Kitty Kat.  Forgot me already?"

Katie went cold.  The sound of that nickname made her break out in a cold sweat, her heart pounding through her chest.  The cell phone slipped out of her hand and onto the hardwood floor next to the bed, but she hadn't even noticed.  She didn't hear the phone make contact with the floor, popping it in half, or the sound of Beth's voice calling for her from the cordless that still sat on the bed.  All she could hear was the blood rushing through her ears, her heart pounding in her chest, and his evil laugh ringing in her ears.  The memories of him flooded her brain and she couldn't breath.  All she could think about was if he was there, if he'd gotten out of jail and found her.

Finally she was pulled from her panicked trance by the sound of Beth's urgent voice.  She slowly picked the phone up with shaky hands and lifted it to her ear.

"How...d-did...did he...get...my n-number?" Katie managed between attempted deep calming breaths.

"Katie?  What happened?  Who?"

"He...he has...my cell phone number."

Katie was trying to process it all.  Had it really happened, or was she imagining it?  Did he find her?

"Katie, hon, you're not making sense."

"Dane."

That single name let Beth know where Katie was now.  Beth had been able to convince Katie to leave because of him.  She'd started her life over, she was happy, and she'd moved past him.  How was he back now?

Beth spent the next twenty minutes talking Katie down.  She had insisted that she needed to come over and stay with Katie, but Katie refused.  She was not going to be dependant on anyone again.  The house had an alarm, and it was on.  Katie insisted she would be fine.

"I promise I'll call if I change my mind."

"And you'll call Alex?  Tell him what happened?"

"I'll tell him.  He said he'd call when he had a few free minutes, so I'll tell him then.  I promise."

"Fine, but you better tell him.  You call me if you need anything!"

"I promise.  I'm going to lay down now though."

The girls hung up and Katie replaced the phone on it's cradle.  She stepped down off of the bed, avoiding the broken cell phone on the floor, and went over to the closet.  After a few minutes of rifling around the shelves, Katie found what she was looking for.  She pulled AJ's favorite t-shirt over the tank top she'd originally intended on wearing to bed.  If she couldn't have him right there to hold her and protect her, she'd at least have his scent.  She walked back over to the bed and curled under the covers, holding AJ's pillow tightly against her.

*****

Eventually Katie had fallen asleep, the scent of AJ flooding her senses.  The sleep hadn't lasted long though, and Katie hadn't expected it to.  She'd only intended on resting for a short time while she waited for AJ to call and check in.  The call hadn't come on the house phone and Katie fell into a deeper sleep than she'd intended.

Her sleep was interrupted by memories.  The memories of him, of Dane, flooded her dreams, quickly sending Katie awake in a cold sweat.

After spending a few minutes trying to relax herself, Katie sat up.  She stepped out of bed, a little unsteady on her feet, but she assumed it was just from the nightmares.  She went into the bathroom off the master suite, wishing away the dull aching pain in her lower back.  She briefly looked at herself in the vanity mirror, seeing what looked like her reflection, but it just wasn't right.  She didn't feel right.

The pain increased as she went to the toilet.  That's when she noticed it.  She'd sat down to use the toilet and she saw the red on her shorts...she was bleeding.

Forgetting her need to pee, Katie pulled up her shorts and went for the cordless phone on the bedside table.  Her shaking fingers dialed Beth's phone number, and she waited what seemed like forever for an answer.

"Hello?" Joe's groggy voice was heard as he answered on the third ring.

"I need Beth," Katie was trying not to cry.

"Katie?"

"Yeah...I need Beth," her voice was quivering now.

There was rustling on the other end as Joe passed the phone to Beth.

"Katie?  Are you okay?"

"No..." she shook her head for emphasis even though she knew Beth couldn't see it, "Something's wrong."

"Did he call again?  Did you hear something?"

"No...s-something's really wrong...I'm...I'm bleeding."

"We're coming to get you."

*****

Katie watched the ultrasound technician's face as he ran the wand over her still flat abdomen.  They'd rushed to the emergency room and the doctor had ordered an ultrasound to see what they could find out.  Tests had been run, questions had been asked.  The pain in her back had persisted and the bleeding hadn't stopped.  Katie was sure it had actually gotten worse.  In an attempt to comfort her, Beth had insisted it probably wasn't getting worse, it was just her mind.

Katie was panicking again though, because no one would tell her anything useful.  The most she got out of anyone was ‘You need to calm down, I'm sure it's fine' and ‘We won't know without an ultrasound.'

The technician's face was giving nothing away.  He was focused on the small screen, slowly running the device back and forth in a search.  Katie assumed from the silence that it couldn't be good.  If everything was okay then they would have said something.

The tears crept up again, spilling again down her cheeks.  Katie hadn't even realized she was crying again until she felt the tears drop onto her chest.  Beth gently squeezed her hand and the technician finally turned to face them.

"I'm sorry Miss Sullivan...I can't find a heartbeat."

"Is Katie feeling any better?" Kevin asked AJ.  He'd been making the rounds, checking that everyone-Nick and AJ-were actually getting ready to leave.

"Uh...I...think so?" AJ had no idea what Kevin was talking about.

"Oh..." Kevin raised his caterpillar-like eyebrows in confusion, "She didn't say anything to you?  You didn't know she was sick?"

"No," AJ was concerned now, "What's going on?"

"Kris just said that Katie's been hiding away all week.  She won't go out with her and Leigh I guess."

"I...hmm...I don't know.  I guess...she got a call from Dane," AJ almost shuddered as he uttered the name, "She was pretty freaked."

"She's probably just scared," Kevin tried to assure him.

"Hope so...guess it's a good thing we're going home."

"I'm sure she's fine."

"I'm going to give her a call...make sure everything is really okay.  I'll be down in a few?"

Kevin nodded.  He turned and walked out of the room, leaving the younger man to call his girlfriend in privacy.  AJ fished his phone out of his pocket and dialed the familiar phone number of his Florida home.

"Hello?" Katie answered.  AJ could tell she wasn't right.  She hadn't answered with her usual pep.  She sounded depressed almost.

"Hey babe."

"Alex!  Hey sexy!" Katie automatically pepped her voice up at the sound of AJ's voice.  "I miss you!"

"Not for long.  We'll be home in the morning."

"Oh wow, I forgot what day it was!  Good.  I don't know if I could've lasted much longer without hugging you."

"I know I couldn't have lasted any longer."

"Do you need me to come get you from the airport, or one of the guy's houses or anything?"

"That's okay.  We've got a limousine that'll drop us all off.  It'll be hella early, too.  You just sleep and I'll wake you up when I get home."

"Oh I can't wait to see you!"

"So...is everything okay over there?" AJ decided to just jump right in.

"Of course," she tried to play it cool, "Why wouldn't it be?"

"It's just...I hear you've been hiding from the girls?"

"Oh...yeah...that..."

"Did you have a fight or something?"

"No.  I just...haven't been feeling well.  I haven't been up to going out or anything."

"Have you...left the house at all this week?"

Katie hesitated, "Well...yeah.  I went to the grocery store."

"That doesn't count.  What's wrong?  Are you okay?  Feeling better?"

"Can we do one question at a time?  I'm...fine.  I just...don't want to talk about it...over the phone, I mean.  Can we do this tomorrow?  When you get home?"

"If you're okay...I can deal with that.  You promise we'll talk about...whatever it is?"

"I promise."

"Good.  I have to go anyways.  Someone's banging on the door.  They're waiting for me downstairs."

"Okay.  I love you.  Have a good flight."

"Love you, too, babe.  I'll see you tomorrow."

AJ clicked his phone shut as he went to open the door.

"Hey man, you ready?" Howie asked, peering into the room.

"Yeah, sorry.  I was on the phone with Katie.  My bags are all ready to go.  Everyone waiting on me?"

"Yeah.  No problem.  Is she okay?"

AJ made a face, letting the shorter man know that he wasn't so sure about the situation.

"I heard Brian and Kev talking.  I guess the girls were pretty worried about her."

AJ zipped up his last bag and Howie helped him carry them down the hall to the elevator.

"Yeah.  Something's definitely up.  Katie didn't want to talk about it over the phone though."

"Just a few more hours man."

AJ nodded and the two excited the elevator and went through the empty lobby.  They reached the front doors and got into the limousine.

AJ hadn't paid any attention to the conversations that occurred on the ride to the airport.  His mind was focused solely on Katie.  He didn't get much sleep on the plane either.  His mind kept wandering back to her as he tried to figure out what could be going on.

Of course his mind jumped to the worst possible scenarios.  Maybe she'd decided that she didn't want to be with him anymore.  She was going to break up with him, she just didn't want to do it over the phone.  Or she had a fight with the girls.  What if she didn't get along with them anymore?  No, they could work that out.  Then the worst scenario ran rampant through his mind.  She was sick.  She'd gotten cancer or something equally as horrible and life threatening.  She was dying.

Howie looked over at AJ, only to find him pale and gripping the arm rests with such force his knuckles were white.  AJ was trying to breath, trying to relax himself.  Howie knew that AJ had no issues with flying, especially not now that they were in the air, with no turbulence.  He was sure it had to be Katie.

"She's going to be fine man.  You can't think about it like this or you'll have yourself too worked up.  Whatever it is...we'll all be here."

AJ walked in to the dark, quiet house, dropping his bags just inside the front door.  He hadn't expected Katie to be awake, the sun was barely up.  The only reason he was so wired was because he finally got to see his girlfriend again.  He was finally going to be able to hold her and hug her and kiss her like he'd so missed doing.

He had expected her to be curled up, sleeping soundly, in the bed they now shared.

AJ walked up to the bedroom.  He'd been gone for a few weeks, but he knew this house like the back of his hand.  He could walk through it blindfolded and almost never trip over anything.  Almost.  That's why he hadn't need to turn on one single light on the route up to the master suite.  The lack of light in the house didn't hinder him at all right now.  He was too excited to see his girl.

"Katie...Babe?" he softly whispered as he entered the room.

The just rising sun gave off enough sunlight for him to see into the obviously empty room.  Katie hadn't mentioned spending the night anywhere else.  And he was almost sure that she didn't have something going on at this ungodly hour.

He backed out of the room and went down the hall.  He checked the guest rooms-empty-the bathroom-empty-his office-empty-and finally went back down to the living room.  Katie was curled up on one of the couches.  He hadn't even seen her when he'd gotten in.

"Hey babe," AJ sat down on the edge of the couch and brushed the hair from her face.

She slowly opened her eyes and smiled sleepily when she saw him.

"You're home!" Katie stretched.

"What are you doing down here?"

"I couldn't sleep.  I was too excited.  I guess I was pretty tired...fell asleep here."

"I just want to spend the day in bed with you," he grinned.

"I think I can deal with that," Katie leaned up, pulling him down on top of her at the same time.

Their lips met for the first time in weeks.  Katie's right hand wrapped around his neck, her left arm holding her up.  She felt the same shivers from their first kiss and her heart sped up.

This is how it was meant to be, Katie thought.  She knew she loved him, but having him here again showed her just how much.  That one unexpected meeting all those months ago was the world's way of telling her that life wasn't hopeless.  As long as they could get through the discussion they still needed to have.  Katie wasn't ready for that yet, though.

AJ pulled away, "I missed you so much."

Katie let him go, nodding her agreement.  She sat up and AJ helped her off of the couch.  The two went up to the room, AJ stripping off his jeans and t-shirt and climbing into the bed in his boxers.

*****

The newly re-united couple spent the better part of the morning in bed...sleeping.  Katie hadn't slept much in the previous week, and AJ...he just liked sleeping.  Especially when his girlfriend was curled up sleeping next to him.

He woke up a few hours later to an empty bed.  A little confused at first, he had to make sure coming home hadn't been a dream.  He sat up and looked around, knowing that he was in his room, in his house.  It was all good.  He got up, pulling on a clean t-shirt and going downstairs, again in search of Katie.

"Good afternoon sleepy head?" Katie chirped, not turned away from the stove.

"I guess it is afternoon now, isn't it?" AJ walked up behind her, wrapping his arms loosely around her waist, "Grilled cheese?"

"Yes...all we have is cheese and bread.  I haven't been to the store in a few days."

"Or anywhere else, for that matter."

Katie put down the spatula and turned around.  Their bodies still touched, their faces just inches apart.

"I was hoping you would forget about that," Katie looked away.

He slipped a hand under her chin, forcing her to look at him again, "I'm just worried about you."

Katie stared up at him for a few minutes, trying to force the tears back down, trying to swallow the lump in her throat.  She still didn't know how she was going to tell him.  She knew she had to, she was just scared.

"We have to talk about what's going on here."

Katie nodded, the grilled cheese forgotten.  AJ stepped away, giving her space.  Taking deep, calming breaths, Katie walked to the island in the center of the kitchen.  Her back was to him again, she needed some way to hide the fact that she was crying.  She gripped the edge of the countertop as she tried to form the right words to say.

"I...should have told you...before..."

"Are you breaking up with me?"

Katie whipped around, shocked that this was the conclusion he'd jumped to.  He could see the tears escaping her eyes and she quickly wiped them away.

"No!  I love you!  It scares me how much I love you, but it's true!"

"Then what is it?  Are you sick?"

Katie took one final deep breath and prepared herself to tell him.  She leaned against the counter for support, trying to force herself to look at him.  Instead she focused on the wall behind him

"No...I'm not sick.  Just let me get this all out, okay?  I was going to tell you when you got home.  It was too...big...to tell you over the phone."

AJ looked at her, puzzled, but didn't say anything.

"I got pregnant."

"Wow...pregnant?"

Katie silently nodded.

"So..." he stepped forward, reaching out towards her belly.

"I'm not finished."

AJ's mind began racing again.  What else could there be?  She was pregnant, he was going to be a daddy.  Granted, it wasn't the way he'd planned on it happening, they could work through it.

"Remember that morning I called you?  The morning after...Dane...called?"

AJ nodded absently.

"I was on the way home from the hospital."

"Is something wrong?" AJ was getting really worried at this point.

Katie silently nodded again.  She was unsure of her voice.  The tears she'd been holding back made her throat burn and she tried to blink them back again.  It was no use.  The tears spilled from her eyes.

AJ rushed towards her, wrapping her up in his arms.  His arms wrapped around her shoulders tightly as she clung to him.  Her fingers were gripping his t-shirt while she let herself go.  Her body shook with silent sobs.

AJ didn't know what to do.  He hadn't even known he was going to be a father, wasn't even sure he was ready to be one, but knowing that it had all been ripped from him before he even had the chance...he wasn't sure what to think.

Finally Katie calmed herself enough to continue, "I woke up in the middle of the night...I didn't feel right...we went to the hospital...no heartbeat..."

She began sobbing again.  AJ could barely understand her.  His mind was still reeling.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked, suddenly furious.

He stepped back, pushing her away a little more roughly than he'd intended.  He didn't care right now.  He was too upset.  He'd just found out he'd lost his child before he even got to see him.

Katie didn't know what to say.  She hadn't expected this kind of reaction from him.  He was mad...at her.  Katie leaned more heavily on the counter, using it to hold herself up.  She'd already spent the week blaming herself.  She'd gone over it all in her head time and time again.  If she'd gotten up just a few minutes earlier...if she'd called an ambulance instead of Beth...if she'd just have done something differently, maybe she would still be pregnant.

She knew this was it.  He wasn't going to be able to forgive her any more than she would be able to forgive herself.

AJ stood, frozen in his spot for what seemed like an eternity before he stalked out of the kitchen, to the garage and right out of the house.  She heard the engine to one of the cars fire up and the garage door open and close.  He'd left.

She dropped down to the floor, her back leaning against the hard cabinets.  Her knees pulled up to her chest, Katie sat on the kitchen floor and cried.

"Alex...hey...what's up?" Howie asked, surprised to see his friend and band-mate on his front porch.  He opened the door wider to allow the other man in.

"I don't know."

"Everything okay?  I thought you'd be with Katie."

"I was."

"And?"

"Shit happened."

"Are you going to give me more than two or three words sentences?  Or do I have to guess what your problem is?"

AJ took a deep breath and walked into the living room, plopping into a chair.  He scrubbed a hand over his face, trying to organize his thoughts.

"What happened?" Howie gently prodded.

"She got pregnant."

"Wow.  I...congrats?"

"Yeah, whatever."

"Don't sound too excited," Howie sarcastically replied, "The way you're talking leads me to believe this isn't a good thing?"

"It's not that.  Wouldn't have been the best, but...it woulda been cool."

"Then...?"

"She lost the baby."

"Oh.  Wow.  Sorry man."

AJ just went off then, "She didn't even tell me she was fuckin' pregnant!  She had weeks to get used to it, and I never fucking knew!  She never told me!"

"J, there has to be more behind it."

"She said she wanted to tell me in person."

"See.  Would you have really wanted to find out you were going to be a father over the phone?"

"Woulda been nice to know before it was ripped from my damn hands!"

AJ stood up and began pacing back and forth across the living room.

"I...so that's why she hasn't been going out?"

"Guess so," AJ spat out.

"Where is she?"

"Why the fuck should I care?"

Howie's head snapped up to glare at the man pacing a hole in his living room floor, "Why should you care?  She's your goddamn girlfriend!  And she just told you something that no one should have to tell the person they love!"

"She's had a week to deal with it."

"What the fuck is wrong with you?!?" Howie stood up and grabbed AJ by the shoulders.

"There's nothing wrong with me!" AJ yelled back.

"Oh yes there is!  What, she told you and you just walked out?"

AJ stopped fighting the smaller man, feeling all of his energy drain from his body.  What had he done?  His girlfriend, the woman he loved more than anything, had just told him, in tears, that she'd lost their baby.

Huh, lost, AJ thought, that makes it sound like she just misplaced it.

AJ crumpled against Howie.  The anger he held on to so tightly dissipated, replaced with sadness and grief.  The tears found him and he held on to Howie for support.

"I...I'm such...I can't..." AJ couldn't form the right words to say.

"It's all going to be okay," Howie reassured him.  He knew his friend wasn't a complete ass hole, so he knew that AJ would come around.  And he had.

After regaining his composure, AJ sat back again, "I just walked out.  When she needed me.  I didn't even know there was a baby for more than five minutes before I found out it was gone.  She'd had weeks.  If it hurts this much for me...and I just walked out."

"You got scared.  You can be an ass when you're scared," Howie smiled.

AJ shot him a glare, but quickly conceded, knowing it was the truth.  He did need to go back.  He just hoped Katie would still be there, that she didn't hate him.

*****

Katie had spent several minutes in the kitchen after AJ had left.  The only reason she wasn't still curled up on the kitchen floor was because the smoke alarm had gone off when the grilled cheese started smoking.  She cleaned it up and went to call someone.  She needed someone to talk to.

Katie hadn't told anyone but Beth about the baby or the miscarriage, but she figured her other friends had a right to know why she'd become anti-social.  Plus, Kristin and Leighanne knew AJ better than Beth did.  They'd be able to help her out in the AJ department.

Kristin wasn't answering, probably because she was with Kevin.  Leighanne answered, though.  Brian was sleeping, and Leighanne was bored.  She had plenty of time to hear Katie's story.

Katie told her about finding out she was pregnant, to which Leighanne replied, "Well, duh!"

"So why didn't you say anything then, if you knew?"

"I didn't want to butt in.  I figured you'd tell us when you were ready.  I mean, you would've had to have told us eventually, if you didn't...sorry."

"Yeah."

Which brought Katie to the AJ ordeal.

"He walked out?" Leighanne asked, astonished.

"Yeah."

"Did he say anything?"

"Not really.  The last thing he said was, ‘why didn't you tell me?'  I was kind of in shock, I guess."

"Maybe he just needed some space to think about it alone?"

"Maybe.  But you should've seen him.  He was so mad."

"At you?"

"That's what it felt like."

"I'm sure he wasn't really mad at you."

"But what if he is?  What if he can't forgive me for this?"

"For what?  For not telling him?  Or for having a miscarriage?" Leighanne asked, trying to get to the bottom of Katie's insecurities.

"Um...yes?"

"Katherine Faith Sullivan."

"Um, middle name?"

"Yes.  Have you lost your mind?"

"I may have."

"You did absolutely nothing wrong!  Sure you could have told Alex a little sooner, but I understand that you wanted to tell him in person.  I would want to wait and tell Bri in person if I got pregnant."

"But-"

Leighanne cute her off, knowing exactly what she was thinking, "There is nothing you could have done to avoid a miscarriage.  It's not like you were being crazy stupid, right?"

"No."

"And you didn't do anything to intentionally sabotage the pregnancy, right?"

"Of course not."

"Then get it out of your mind.  It's not your fault.  It just wasn't meant to be."

"I know...I just keep thinking...what if I'd woken up a few minutes earlier?"

"It may or may not have made any difference.  You told me the doctor said, that while it majorly sucks, it's just something that happens."

"I know.  Even the research I've done tells me that."

"See?  I know it sucks, and you know I'm here for you if you need me, but there's nothing you could have done."

"Thanks Leigh.  So you think I should just give Alex a little space then?"

"Yeah.  He'll come around.  And if he doesn't, we'll just have to kick his ass."

Katie let out a little laugh, "Okay.  I'll call you later then."

"Bye hon."

Katie placed the phone back on the cradle and sat on the bed quietly looking out the window.

"I know it wasn't your fault," AJ softly said.

Katie jumped, turning to face him.  He was standing in the doorway, leaning against the jamb.

"I didn't know you were there."

"I just got back.  I haven't been here long.  I wasn't eavesdropping, I promise."

Katie waved it off, "So..."

"I was an ass."

Katie didn't say anything, just watched him standing in the doorway.

"Can we talk about it?"

Katie nodded.  She moved around to face him, sitting cross-legged in the center of the bed.  AJ walked into the room, hesitantly at first, and sat on the edge of the bed.  He wasn't sure how she was going to be after he'd walked out on her like he had.  He'd fully expected her to throw something at him, or yell at him to get away from her.  And he would have deserved it.  He was hoping she wouldn't though.

"I didn't know what to think."

Katie continued to stay silent.

"I'm sorry I walked out like that.  You needed me...and I needed you...and instead of stepping up, I left.  Seemed easier.  I guess I was scared of my reaction, too."

Finally Katie spoke up, "Where'd you go?"

"Howie's.  I was just driving and ended up there.  I thought he was going to kick the shit out of me when I told him I left you."

Katie let a small grin show on her face and AJ relaxed a little.  He knew then that she wasn't going to rip out his heart.  He knew then that they would be okay.  He planned on having to prove himself to her again, but he knew they'd be okay.

"Leighanne told me that you would come back.  She told me she knew you weren't a complete jerk."

"I'll have to remember to thank her.  Did you...think that I was...leaving you?"

Katie shook her head, "I really hoped not.  But I was scared.  I thought we'd had a strong enough relationship...I don't know what I'd do without you."

"I could never leave you.  You remember telling me that it scared you how much you loved me?"

Katie nodded, remembering that statement.  It was true.  She hadn't realized it until he'd come back home, but Katie was so in love with him.  She knew the second she opened her eyes on the couch that morning.

"I think...it scares me, too.  When you told me you wanted to talk about something when I got home...I got so fucking scared.  I was sure you were breaking up with me, or...dying...and I didn't know what to do with myself."

"Are you mad at me for not telling you sooner?"

AJ shook his head.  It wouldn't have been right hearing it over the phone.  Not that he was going to be a daddy.  And not that he'd lost his child.

"We're going to be okay?"

Katie nodded, "I love you Alex."

"I love you, too, babe."

~December 20, 2002~

"Good morning, Alex," Beth chirped as AJ sleepily padded into his kitchen, "Welcome home."

"Beth..." AJ raised his eyebrows at her in confusion, "Did I miss something?"

Beth shook her head no as she sat happily munching on her bowl of cereal.

"Then why are you in my kitchen at nine in the morning?  Don't you have your own house, with your own kitchen?" AJ asked, looking for the milk in the refrigerator.  It was on the counter.

"Okay, first of all, it's almost ten.  And yes, I do have a house, and it does have a kitchen.  I was coming to welcome you home," she grinned around a big bite of cereal.

"I've been home almost a week now."

"I know.  I've been...busy."

"Busy, huh?  Breaking in the new house?" AJ wiggled his eyebrows and grinned as he searched for his desired cereal.

"You are such a perv," Beth responded, throwing a milk-soaked cheerio at him.  She held up the half-empty box of cheerios that had been sitting in front of her, "This is the only cereal you have."

"So why is it that you are eating my cereal in my kitchen?" AJ asked again.

"We ran out.  Oh, and Katie.  I was waiting for Katie."

"She know you were coming over?" AJ poured a bowl of Cheerios.

Beth shook her head no as she took another bite.

"She's still sleeping," AJ continued.

"I got time."

"Fine.  Good.  This works."

Beth's eyebrows arched.

"Don't worry.  I just need your help...your thoughts, I guess."

Beth got up and rinsed her bowl out and placed it gently in the sink, "Maybe I will go."

"Shut up.  I need your help."

"With what?" Beth was a little skeptical about the mysteriousness.

"Katie."

"How exactly is it that I can help you with Katie?"

"You can't tell her what we talk about here,."

"I can't make any promises," Beth leaned against the counter opposite AJ, "What's going on?"

"Does she still love me?"

"Oh god. I'm leaving."

"No, please.  I'm serious.  Does she still really, really love me?"

"Are you stupid?  No wait, you're a guy.  Guys are dense."

"If I didn't need your help I would be really mad at you," AJ groaned, pushing his half-eaten bowl of cereal to the side.

"How could you ask something like that?  I aught to smack you right now.  Of course she does!  Do you?" Beth almost didn't ask the last question.  She wasn't completely sure where this conversation was going, so she wasn't entirely sure she wanted to hear the answer to that question.

"Of course I do."

"Is everything okay?"

"I'm not sure."

"Why not?  What's going on?"

"Just...the whole...baby thing.  I love her with everything in me, and I thought we were in the right place to talk about everything."

"Al, she was scared.  She blamed herself for it, and she was terrified that you would blame her, too.  And then she got to the point where she just thought it would be better to tell you in person.  She loves you to no end, and you should never doubt that."

"Okay.  Good," AJ stopped, silently thinking.

"Al, what's going on here?  I can tell there's more."

"I just...what do you think...what..."

"For the love of all things sexy, spit it out man!"

"What would she say if I proposed?"

"Marriage?"

AJ nodded.

"To her?"

"No, to the neighbor's dog.  Yes, to her!"

Beth's jaw dropped, "Wow."

"So?"

"This isn't because of the baby, is it?"

"No.  Fuck no.  I was kind of expecting that though.  I guess that's why I asked.  I decided I was going to do it before I  even got home...while I was in Germany.  I got the ring and everything."

"Wow."

"I guess I just need your help with it all.  Should I still do it?"

"I..." Beth shrugged.  She was suddenly extremely intrigued, curious about his plans for this proposal.

"I'm afraid she'll say no because she thinks I'm doing it for the wrong reasons.  How can I make her see it's because I really want to?"

Beth ignored his last question and asked instead, "When were you going to do it?"

"I was planning on Christmas morning."

"Aww, that's so sweet!  Did you have it all planned out?"

AJ nodded, "You can't tell her anything.  If I do this, it's got to be a surprise."

"I promise."

"So you think it will be okay to ask her?"

"Ask who, what?" Katie walked into the kitchen.  She walked over to AJ, kissing the side of his mouth.  She turned around towards Beth, leaning into AJ, their bodies fitting together perfectly.  Katie was trying to figure out what her best friend and her boyfriend were discussing.

AJ's mind raced for a good cover-up, but he came up empty.  He squeezed Katie tightly to him and began nuzzling her neck in a feeble attempt at distracting her.  She'd figured him out and was determined to figure out what was going on.

Finally Beth spoke up, having come up with a great excuse.  Well, maybe it wasn't great, but it would work.

"He wanted to ask you...to get out of the house...to have...a girl's day...with me!"

Katie squinted at Beth, detecting a lie, but not putting up much of a fight, "I don't know why I'm wanted out of the house, but I haven't spent much time with Beth recently, so I think I'll go along with this..."

"Good," Beth smiled.

AJ mouthed the words ‘Thank you' to Beth over Katie's head.

"So what are we doing today then?" Katie asked.

"Umm...girly stuff...duh?  You got any shopping to do?"

"I can't pass up shopping."

"Good.  We'll do some shopping, maybe a mani and pedi...it'll be fun."

"I'll go get changed then," Katie peeled herself from AJ's body and left the kitchen.  She still knew something else was going on, but a day with her best friend was desperately needed.

"You have several hours.  Make this good or I'll kick you," Beth laughed.

AJ had the day to make this house a Christmas-y Winter Wonderland, fit for an amazing proposal in just five days.

"Thanks Beth.  I'm going to make sure this is perfect.  This place will be all Christmas-ed out when you get back."

Five days to iron out every last detail for an engagement AJ wasn't sure was going to happen just minutes earlier.  He was determined to make it perfectly amazing.

~December 25, 2002~

Katie rolled over in her sleeping, reaching for AJ as she often did.  Nothing.  The sleep slowly subsided as Katie felt around without opening her eyes.  She grumbled as she slowly opened her eyes to see if she could locate him.  Again, nothing.  He'd left her alone in their bed on Christmas morning.  Men.

Katie slowly threw her legs over the side of the bed and sat up.  After taking a moment to consider her current clothing situation, AJ's t-shirt, she decided to just go find him.  It's not like anyone could see anything anyways.

It was their first Christmas and Katie had intended on waking up in AJ's arms.  She went off in search, coming to an abrupt halt at the top landing of the stairs.

"Bacon?" Katie whispered to herself.  She squinted her eyes and took in a deep breath through her nose to smell again.  That was definitely bacon.  What was it doing in this house at this hour?

Katie thought again of only the t-shirt that she wore, wondering if there could be someone else here cooking breakfast.  The loud crashes and wonderfully foul language put her at ease.  It was definitely AJ.

She quietly made her way down the stairs, smiling at the amazingly decorated house.  AJ had gone all out the previous week.  Katie and Beth returned home to a Winter Wonderland of sorts.  There was no snow, but that wasn't needed to know that it was definitely Christmas in this house.  The ginormous tree was perfectly decorated.  There was a wreath on the front door.  Elegant white icicle lights hung from the roof outside.  And the mistletoe.  As if he'd needed an extra excuse to kiss her, AJ had strategically placed sprigs of mistletoe around the house.  Instead of getting him kissed, though, it got him smacked...

"Mistletoe?  Really?" Beth laughed, eyebrows raised, as she checked out the finely decorated house.

"Hey, mistletoe is fun!" Katie protested.  She had a grin from ear to ear.  Christmas had been a huge deal with her family growing up, so having the house all decorated like this was amazing.

The girls kept walking through the house, looking at the decorations.  They'd stopped together to look at the Christmas Cards sitting on a small table and AJ starting giggling.

"What the hell is your problem?" Beth turned towards him, rolling her eyes.

AJ looking up over the girls' heads and tried to hold back a mischievous grin.  Beth looked up and immediately stepped towards AJ.

"What?" Katie turned around, now curious.

"Your boyfriend is a dumbass."

"Hey, I'm not a dumbass."

Katie looked up and noticed the sprig of mistletoe that was hanging over their heads and glared at AJ.

"If you thought that was going to work...you're lucky I like the rest of the decorations.  The mistletoe is coming down."

Katie and AJ had a long discussion about the mistletoe.  Most of it came down.  Katie laughed at the memory of the look on AJ's face when Beth lunged toward him.

The noise in the kitchen brought Katie back to the present and she continued into the kitchen.  She fingered the decorations as she passed them.  This was going to be Katie's first amazing Christmas in a long time, she just had that feeling.

"Looks like someone is busy in here," Katie smiled, standing in the doorway to the kitchen.

AJ jumped, startled, and turned towards her, "Shit babe, you scared me!"

"Sorry.  I was just trying to figure out what it was that was ruining my dream of waking up in the arms of my wonderful boyfriend on our first Christmas together?"

"I'm making you breakfast."

"Are you sure about that?" Katie teased.  She noticed the stack of dishes already in the sink and smiled.

"Hey, I'm trying.  It's the thought that counts, right?"

Katie moved into the kitchen, coming up behind AJ, "You're right.  Something smells good."

She wrapped her arms around his waist, laying her head on his t-shirt covered back and inhaled.  He always smelled so good.  Squeezing him tight, she pressed a kiss to the center of his back before stepping back to let him resume cooking.

"Would you like some help?"

"You're supposed to be in bed.  I had this all planned out, and you weren't supposed to be up yet."

"Mighta helped if you weren't so loud in here," Katie giggled.

AJ turned around to face her, a spatula in his hand, "Hey, I don't cook.  I think I'm doing a damn fine job."

Katie sat herself on the bar stool on the other side of the kitchen and grinned, "You are.  I'm just giving you a hard time."

"I'm almost done anyways.  Just have to put it on plates."

AJ shoed Katie back up to bed so he could bring her breakfast in bed, even though it wasn't the same since she'd gotten up already.  Nonetheless, the couple enjoyed the breakfast, talking and laughing at each other the entire time.

No sooner had the two finished their breakfast, then Katie had bolted up, excited to give AJ his Christmas present.

"I've been waiting to give you this for weeks.  I was so excited!" Katie exclaimed, trying to coax AJ out of bed and down to the tree.

AJ played it up, trying to convince her they had all morning.  He was trying to prepare himself, running over his words in his mind, trying to stay cool.  He eventually followed her downstairs, letting her lead-or drag, whatever-him to the living room where the large tree stood.

Stopping once in the room, AJ went over to a chair and plopped down.  He watched Katie excitedly look under the present-filled tree for the hidden gift she sought.  He waited for her to notice it.

There were so many gifts under the tree for all the various people they would be seeing later that afternoon that Katie was having trouble locating the gift.  Standing up to move to the other side of the tree, something caught her eye.  AJ knew she'd spotted it and got into position without her noticing.

Katie stopped and did a double take.  The morning light had reflected off of something.  A new ornament?  Stepping closer, Katie saw what it was.  A small ring hung from a string on a branch at her eye level.  That wasn't there when she'd come down earlier.

Katie reached up to take the ring off of the branch and turned to AJ.

"What..." her words caught in her throat when she saw him on his knee in front of her.

AJ took her hands in his, the ring hanging from the string between their hands.  He looked up at her face, looking in her eyes, trying to keep himself calm.  His heart felt like it would beat right out of his chest, he was so nervous.

"Babe...you know I love you with everything I am.  These few weeks have been amazing, waking up with you every morning, going to sleep with you every night.  I want to do that for the rest of my life.  I want to share everything with you, I want you to share everything with me.  I want to spend my life with you and have babies with you...will you make me the happiest man ever and be my wife?"

Katie stood before him, her eyes watering, trying to take it all in.  She'd had no idea that this was coming.  She'd thought about marrying AJ, and of course she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him, but she just wasn't sure.  Katie didn't know if he was asking her because he truly wanted to marry her, or if it was just because of everything they'd gone through.

They hadn't even known each other for a whole year yet.  Four months.  Sure it was the best four months of her life, but still, it was only four months.  If she said yes...would it work?  Katie only wanted to be married once, so she had to make sure it was absolutely right.

"Yes," Katie whispered.  Her voice was barely audible.  She'd said it so quietly she wasn't even sure she'd actually said anything.

AJ wasn't sure he'd heard her either.  The only indication that led him to believe he'd heard her right was the smile that spread across her face.  Followed by the quick nod of her head.

"Really?" he asked, almost as if he was surprised she'd agreed.

AJ stood up, the ring hanging by the string between them.  He pulled her tightly to him, burying his face in her hair to breath in her scent.  He wanted to remember this moment forever.  He wanted to be sure that this moment was real.

Finally he let her go, looking down at her face.  AJ grabbed her hand, shakily placing the engagement ring on her finger.

"Alex...wow...it's so beautiful," Katie finally said.  She brushed the tears from her eyes and looked up at him, "It's gorgeous."

"I've had it for a few weeks now.  Got it when the guys and I were in Germany.  I was so scared."

"No need to be scared.  I love it."

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

AJ pulled her against him again.  Katie leaned into AJ, her hand on his chest, over his heart, and her head on his shoulder.  She could feel his heart beat against her palm and she smiled.

"As much as I hate to let you go right now, we have to get changed.  Everyone is expecting us at Howie's in thirty."

AJ felt Katie nod against his chest but she didn't move.  She held him tight for a few more seconds before lifting her head.

"Okay.  Let's go.  I can show off my new fiancé...and my amazing ring."

The happy couple let each other go and Katie made her way up the stairs to the bedroom to get dressed.  AJ, having already gotten dressed, cleaned up in the kitchen and began bringing the gifts from under the tree out to the car.

Katie returned just in time to see the rather large, oddly shaped gift find it's way into AJ's arms.  He turned to take it to the car as well when she stopped him.

"That one doesn't have to go.  That one is yours."

It was rather obvious from the shape of the gift what it was and a smile slowly crept onto AJ's face.  Katie rolled her eyes as she watched the grown man turn into a little kid as he set the package down to tear through the horrible wrapping job.

"It wasn't easy to wrap, but I got it done," she laughed.

Tossing the paper to the side, AJ reached for the clasps and flipped them open.  He slowly lifted the lid to the guitar case and reached inside.

"How did you find this?" AJ asked.

He'd been searching for this particular guitar for months, unable to get his hands on one.  Somehow she'd managed to do it.

"I had a little help.  Brian let me know which one it was and Howie tracked on down for me.  It's been at Kevin and Kristin's so you wouldn't find it."

"I can't believe you found one!"

"So I did good?" she grinned.

"More than good.  This is awesome babe."

"I think your present tops it," she held up the ring.

*****

Katie skipped up to the front door and rang the bell.

"What are you doing?" she glanced back at AJ struggling in the back seat of the car.

"I'm tryna find something!  Be right there," AJ's muffled voice called from the car.

"There you are!" Leighanne squealed as she opened the door, "You're late.  Where's that boyfriend of yours?  The guys have been waiting for him."

Katie used all her strength from squealing in happiness, wanting to casually slip the news into the conversation.

"Sorry.  Busy morning.  My fiancé is in the car.  I don't know what he's doing," Katie rolled her eyes.

He knows how to...wait, fiancé?" the tall blonde asked slowly as the word registered in her brain.

Katie nodded and held up the ring for Leighanne to examine.  The girls squealed and Kristin came running.

"What?  What's going on?  What's wrong?!?"

"It's gorgeous," Leighanne breathed as she held Katie's hand.

"What's gorgeous?" Kristin craned her neck over Leighanne's shoulder to see what the squealing was about.

"You're engaged?"

Katie nodded again, the smile on her face getting bigger.  The three girls wrapped their arms around each other in a hug just as AJ walked up.

"Everything okay up here?" AJ grinned.

"Mind out of the gutter Mclean.  Congratulations!"

More squealing.

The four guys inside finally showed themselves.

"I don't think the people on the other side of the state can hear you girls, think you could be a little louder?" Nick laughed.

"What's with the noise?" Kevin questioned.

"They're engaged!  Katie and AJ are engaged!" Leighanne and Kristin informed the guys.

"Oh," the guys replied.

"Oh?  You say that like it's old news!" Kristin smacked Kevin in the shoulder.

"It is.  We knew this was coming," Nick interjected.

"No one told us?" Leighanne pouted.

"Right.  That was going to happen.  I told them that if Katie found out before I proposed someone would get seriously hurt," AJ answered.

The arguing continued for several more minutes before the girls conceded and everyone made their way into the house to start the celebrating.

~January 8, 2003~

"You're supposed to paint the nail, not the toe," Katie giggled, "That tickles."

"Well if you would hold still..." AJ grabbed Katie's wiggling foot with his free hand, tickling the bottom with the hand still holding the nail polish brush.

"You're going to get nail polish everywhere!" Katie wiggled around some more.

"That, my beautiful women, will be your fault.  You're going to knock over the bottle with all this flailing!"

"Flailing?  I do not flail!"

AJ released her, laughing hysterically as he did his horrible imitation of Katie flailing around and yelling, "No!  Please don't!  That tickles!"

Katie crossed her arms over her chest and glared at AJ.

"Aww babe, I'm sorry.  I think it's cute," he leaned down and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

Katie stuck out her lower lip in a pout.  She typically would have put up a fight, protesting his comments, but she just didn't have the energy to really fight him on the point.

"Can we finish now?" AJ settled back onto the floor in front of her to finish his paint job.

Katie slowly nodded, feeling a little nauseous.  She stuck her unfinished foot back out for him, but quickly pulled It back to stand up.

"Everything okay?" AJ asked.

Katie shook her head no, "I don't feel good."

AJ scooted out of the way as Katie dashed for the bathroom.  He closed up the nail polish and followed her to the bathroom, only to find her hunched over the toilet.

"Babe, you okay?"

"I think so.  I've been feeling a little off all day."

"Getting sick?"

"I don't think I have a fever or anything...I don't know.  I don't want to get you sick, you guys have so much to do."

"I'll be fine babe.  I'm just worried about you.  Do you want me to take you to the doctor tomorrow?"

"You've got Backstreet stuff to do.  I'll be fine."

"I can miss a few hours."

"I'll go, I'll get one of the girls to go with me or something."

*****

"Fertile Mertyl," Leighanne laughed.

"Umm, what?" Katie looked up, her brows furrowed in confusion.  She'd been too busy going over this in her head to really hear what Leighanne was saying.  Until that comment.  Hearing those words pulled her right back into the conversation.

"You're new nickname.  Fertile Mertyl."

"Don't call me that.  It's so...weird.  Besides, I'm not fertile."

"Well one of you is.  This is the second time you've been pregnant in less than a year!"

"Leigh, you can't tell anyone.  Not even Brian.  I don't want Alex to hear from anyone else."

"I promise I won't tell him until I know you've told Alex.  When exactly are you going to tell him?"

"I don't know.  After what happened last time...I don't want to screw this all up again."

"You won't.  He'll be thrilled.  You know Bri and I have been trying...it would be cool to be pregnant at the same time."

"Slow down there...I don't want to jinx anything."

Leighanne pulled Katie into a hug, "If it's meant to be, this one will stick."

"I hope so.  I don't know if I can deal with another miscarriage."

"We're all here for you.  No need hiding anything from any of us this time around.  We all love you."

"I know you do.  It's just scary."

"It's always scary.  Alex will be thrilled though.  I just know it."

Katie nodded, knowing that Leighanne was right.

"Congratulations."

*****

"Hey babe.  Feeling better?" AJ asked as he walked into the kitchen.  He'd just come home from a long day of meetings with the Backstreet Boys.  He'd been thinking about her all day, wondering about the doctor's appointment and hoping that she was feeling better.  He'd much rather have skipped the day of meetings to be home with her, but he knew he had to work.

"Eh...a little.  I'll be fine though," Katie sat at the counter picking at a muffin.

"So it's just the flu then?"

Katie shook her head no and swallowed the bite of muffin she'd just taken.

"So what it is?" AJ called from inside the refrigerator.

Katie watched him rummage through the fridge for a snack, "Nothing that won't clear up in about nine months."

"Nine months?  That doesn't sound so good," he closed the door, holding a yogurt.

"Yeah...nine months, give or take...and everything will be..." Katie paused, trying to find the words to finish that sentence.

"Back to normal?" AJ suggested.

Katie laughed, "Not even close."

"You've got me completely confused here babe.  What's going on?"

"How would you feel about converting one of those extra bedrooms?"

"Into what?" AJ's brow creased in confusion, "Stop changing the subject."

"I'm not.  I was thinking we need to convert the bedroom right next to ours into a nursery."

"A nursery?"

"Yeah," Katie paused, hoping it would all click for him, "Think about it...nine months...nursery..."

"You're...we're...really?"

Katie nodded, bracing herself for any possible reaction.

"Wow.  We're having a baby."

"So...you're okay with it then?" Katie asked hopefully.

"Of course I am!  We're having a baby!"

"Still think things will go back to normal?" Katie laughed and opened her arms for AJ to come to her.

"Things will never be normal again," he grinned and leaned against Katie, her arms wrapped protectively around him.

"They will be...just a different kind of normal."

~January 21, 2003~

"Hey Alex, when does the tour start?" Katie asked, looking through her calendar, trying to mark down important dates.

"Not for a while.  Why?  What's up babe?" AJ asked as he sorted through the papers he would need for that afternoon.  They guys were wrapping up their album and Katie knew that meant that a tour was looming.

"I was just thinking."

"What about?"

"Well...I'm pregnant."

"No really?  Oh wait, we had this convo a few days ago.  I did know that," AJ laughed.  He put the papers aside and went over to her.

"Shut up you," she smacked AJ in the shoulder, "What I meant was...what if you're gone on tour when I go into labor?"

"Then I'll come home and we'll postpone those shows."

"You can't do that."

"Why not?"

"Do you really think it will go over well if you're up on stage and you go ‘sorry everyone, my fiancé is having my baby right now, I have to go'?"

"Why not?  When you go into labor, I want to be there."

"You can't stop a concert just because I go into labor."

"Okay fine, maybe I wouldn't stop in the middle of a concert.  But I would leave afterwards to get back to you and this baby," AJ laid his hand over Katie's barely noticeably expanding belly, "Oh, I found something for you, too."

AJ stepped out of Katie's embrace and went over to the counter nearest the garage exit.  He pulled a book out of a plastic shopping bag, "The girl said this was a good one.  Lots of pregnant ladies buy it."

Katie took the book and read the title, What to Expect When You're Expecting.

"Thanks babe.  Don't you think people will get pissed if you leave in the middle of the tour?"

"Why are you so worried about it?  You and this baby are the most important thing in my life now.  You come before Backstreet.  I think the guys would understand...and the fans?  They'll have to deal.  If they really care about us then they'll understand a few postponed shows so I can be with my family.  Please don't worry about it."

Katie slowly nodded.  She knew she was being overly crazy about it, she was just worried.  She was scared of being alone and something horrible happening.  She was scared of AJ missing the birth of his child.  But she knew it would all be okay.  He told her it would be so no matter what everything would be great.

"You have a lot to do today?" Katie asked as she absently flipped through the book.

"Not too horrible.  I'll call you at lunch to make sure everything is good.  And I'll be home in time to go with you to the doctor's appointment."

"Okay.  I'll be here.  Love you," she kissed him softly.

"Love you, too, babe."

*****

"Katie!?!  Where are you babe?" AJ called out as he came into the house through the garage.

"Just a minute!  I'm...trying...to...button...fuck!"

"Whoa, what's with the language?" AJ laughed.  He walked into the laundry room where Katie was fighting with a pair of jeans.

"These damn pants won't button!" Katie growled.

AJ put his hands on hers, "Here babe, let me see if I can get it."

He crouched down in front of her and gently worked the buttons into place.

"My pants already don't fit me.  I'm not supposed to gain this much weight so fast!" Katie cried, her mood abruptly turning from rage to depression.

"I see the mood swings have kicked in."

"Mood swings?  I'll mood swing you!  Go away!  I'm going by myself," Katie pushed past him and headed towards the garage.

"Aww babe, I'm sorry.  I didn't mean it.  You look gorgeous."

"If by gorgeous you mean huge...yes, I do.  Are we going or not?"
"Is it safe?" AJ asked, a little unsure he was willing to get into a confined moving vehicle with Katie at this point.

"Either you're going or you're not, but I have an ultrasound and a vaginal exam to get to."

"That sounds..." AJ started, but cut himself short when he caught Katie's glare, "Nevermind, I'll keep my comments to myself.  Let's go babe."

By the time Katie got into the car, all was well again.  AJ pulled out his gentleman act and opened the car door for her and helped her in.  Katie reached over and clicked the garage door open as AJ started the car and they were on their way.

"I'm sorry I snapped at you," Katie whispered.

"Don't worry about it babe.  You're going througha lot.

"Are you sure you're my fiancé?"

AJ laughed, "What?  I'm just excited we're going to get to see that baby today."

"Just so you know, I'm not sure how much it's going to look like a baby.  I'm only like 6 weeks."

"It's still exciting.  We're here."

Katie looked out the window.  She hadn't even realized that he'd pulled into a parking spot in front of the medical building.

"You think I'll get recognized here?" AJ and Katie walked hand in hand through the double doors leading into the building.

"A little too late for that question, don't you think?" Katie giggled, "I don't think I would recognize you with your hat like that."

AJ had pulled his baseball cap so low that Katie was unsure how he could see anything.

"I just don't want anything to happen before we tell all of our friends."

"Yeah, I'm sure your mother would love hearing that you're going to be a daddy from the tabloids."

AJ followed Katie into the building and up to the second floor where the ob/gyn's office.  They walked into the small waiting room and Katie signed in.  She had an ultrasound scheduled for this appointment because of the problems she'd had last time.

The receptionist got Katie's information and told her to take a seat and a nurse would be out for her shortly.  AJ and Katie sat nervously waiting, hand in hand, until a nurse opened the door leading to the examination rooms.

"Katherine Sullivan?" she called from the chart in her hands.

Katie and AJ stood up and quickly followed her through the door, listening to the click of the lock as it closed behind them.

"Let's stop here and get your weight," the nurse said.  She took down Katie's weight and then led them back to an examination room.

"Katherine and..." the nurse turned to AJ.

"Katie...no one calls me Katherine anymore.  And he's Alex."

"I'm the father," AJ proudly informed the nurse.

"Katie and Alex.  Congratulations," she continued with the examination, asking all of her questions before standing up to leave, "I'll be back in a few minutes with the doctor so we can get this ultrasound underway."

Katie and AJ nodded.  Katie felt her heart speed up.  The excitement mixed with the fear was proving to be too much and she spaced out.  She hadn't realized when the doctor and nurse returned to the room.

Katie lay back on the table and a cold goop was rubbed over her belly and the ultrasound began.

The screen was turned away from AJ and Katie, and the doctor and nurse were quietly discussing something.  The secretiveness made Katie uncomfortable and the fear took over again.  She couldn't lose another baby.

"Alex what's wrong?" Katie squeezed his hand, the worry evident in her voice.

"Is there something wrong doctor?" AJ relayed the concern both had.

"I'm sorry," the doctor began and tears sprang to Katie's eyes.  Something had to be wrong.  Katie didn't hear the next words out of the doctor's mouth.  She only felt AJ's grip on her hand tighten and she tried to focus.

"Two?" AJ's jaw dropped.

"Two what?" Katie was utterly confused, "Two uteruses?  Two...what?"

The doctor laughed a little, "Two babies.  You're having twins."

Katie began laughing.  This was a joke, it had to be.  The doctor said she was sorry...that meant something was wrong.

"You're kidding, right?" Katie asked through laughs.

The doctor looked at them completely serious and pointed to the small screen that had been turned towards them, "Right there.  See that?"

Katie nodded.

"That's a heartbeat.  And if you look right over here," the doctor moved her finger over a little to another identical spot, "A second heartbeat.  There are two little babies in there."

"Wow," Katie whispered.  Her eyes were glued to the little screen as she watched the tiny heartbeats beat away.  AJ sat there silently next to her for a long time.

Finally he spoke up, "And there's only two, right?"

The doctor nodded firmly, "Only two, don't worry.  That explains the extra weight gain this early.  We can discuss everything more at length at your next appointment.  I'll give you both some time to let this sink in.  I will tell you though, because of your history, I need you to take it easy.  We may have to do bed rest towards to end, but we can cross that bridge when we get to it."

The doctor printed off the ultrasound pictures and handed them to AJ while the nurse helped Katie clean the goop off of her belly.

Once the doctor and nurse left the room AJ turned to Katie, "We can do this.  It's just one more baby.  We can do this."

"Are you trying to convince me, or yourself?"

"Both?"

Katie nodded, "We can do this.  We can do anything as long as we do it together."

"I don't know if I can do this.  Maybe you should just go by yourself and tell them," Katie suggested, though she knew AJ wouldn't agree.

"I have to go regardless, but they're expecting both of us.  Besides, Kris is leaving town for a few weeks and she's coming to the studio to say good-bye.  Don't you want to see her before she leaves?"

Katie sighed, "I suppose this is the last time she's going to see me at a normal size."

"Good, so let's go," AJ ushered her towards the car and the two left for the studio.

The car ride to the studio was almost silent.  Katie spent the ride trying to figure out how she was going to tell everyone.  Leighanne already knew they were pregnant, but twins...Katie had barely digested the idea.

"They'll be excited for us, won't they?" she asked AJ as he helped her out of the car.

"I guess we'll find out," they walked into the building.

Katie gripped his hand as they walked through the hallways in search of their assigned studio.

"Here we are," AJ opened the door and everyone was sitting around the small room chatting.

"There you are!" Kristin got up and went over to hug Katie, "It's been too long since I've seen you!"

"I know!  And now you're going to New York!  We'll have to go to lunch when you come back though.  You can tell me all about your trip."

"Ladies, I'm going to have to ask you to quiet down now, we've got some work to get to," Howie tried to say as politely as he could.

"Actually...sorry Howie...just a minute.  Alex and I have something to tell you all," Katie looked over at AJ, trying to get him to finish.

"Why do I have to tell them?"

"Because...you do."

"What's going on here?" Kevin asked.

Leighanne's face lit up, "Are you telling everyone?"

"Telling everyone what?" Nick stepped closer, all of a sudden extremely interested.

Katie just nodded.

"You're...really?" Kristin chimed in.

"Really what?" Nick cried.

Katie nodded again.

"Omigod congratulations!"

"Congratulations for what?!?"

"They're pregnant Nicky...they're having a baby," Kevin had understood every word of the broken girl speak and translated for Nick.

"Actually...babies," Katie interjected.

"So how many are we talking here?  Six, seven?" Brian laughed.

"Two.  We found out yesterday that it's twins," AJ set things straight.

"Wow, two more little AJ's running around.  God help the world!" Brian said, sending everyone into laughter.

"The world?  God help Katie.  She's going to be chasing them around everywhere!" Leighanne added.

"We'll manage just fine," AJ glared at the room.

"So how far along are you?"

"Six weeks.  Still a long ways to go."

Katie pulled out the ultrasound picture to show the group the two little heartbeats.

"Are you showing at all yet?"

Katie shook her head, "Not really.  Nothing fits anymore, but I'm not showing."

The guys congratulated the couple and left the girls to talk.  There was work that needed to be done.

*****

The three girls left the studio to let the guys work in peace.  They'd decided to go to the small café down the street from the studio for some lunch and girl talk.

"We haven't decided how or when we'll announce this, so we have to be careful about what we say.  I'm scared to announce anything too early, just in case..."

The girls nodded their understanding.  They both knew that Katie was worried about something happening again, but they couldn't help but being excited.

"I can't believe there are two of them!" Leighanne said excitedly.

"Believe me, I know.  I thought she was kidding yesterday when she said it.  If Alex hadn't been there I might've fallen off of the table!"

"But everything looks good, right?  Strong heartbeats?" Kristin whispered the last question.

"Yeah, very strong.  She said that nothing indicated another problem, but it still scares me."

"So when do you get to find out what they are?"

Katie shrugged, "I was too shocked to ask any questions.  A few months maybe?  I'm going to be absolutely huge."

"I'm sure you'll look gorgeous."

"Thanks.  I'm just wondering how much longer it'll be before it's obvious."

~April 30, 2003~

AJ had just run to the store, leaving Katie to relax on the couch, her ever growing belly protruding out in front of her.  The previous several months had gone by in such a blur, yet the finish line still seemed so far away.

She was already about halfway through the pregnancy, but so much had happened that she didn't feel like it could've been that long.

Katie had headphones placed carefully over her belly, as she did daily, letting the babies listen to their daddy and uncles.  She was pretending to read her book, but her mind wouldn't let her concentrate.  She kept going over the events of the past several months...

"Okay, so what are we going to do here? People are going to really start asking questions.  She's been missing from so many events that it's becoming increasingly obvious that something's not right," AJ asked.  AJ, Katie and Kevin were sitting in AJ and Katie's living room trying to make a decision.  The people that the label had hired were no help making ridiculous suggestions.  It would be best for everyone involved if the decision was made on the inside.

"What do you two want to do?" Kevin asked.

AJ looked at Katie for her opinion. She was sitting on the couch with her legs propped up on the coffee table in front of the couch and her hand rubbing protectively over her slightly rounded belly.  She was 12 weeks now, safely through her first trimester.  The risky period had passed and Katie was becoming more comfortable with the prospect of making the announcement.  Nothing had gone wrong, but it would be difficult to go out without anyone noticing.

"I can't let you sit around this house any more.  I miss you going to things with me.  I miss you being there."

Katie sat quietly for a second, making her final decision, "I'm ready.  The doctor said it was okay to start telling people...I think it's time."

"Okay, then it's decided.  We'll tell them all of it at the same time. We'll tell them the truth.  I proposed to you on Christmas and then we found out about a month later that we were pregnant."

"What about why we waited to say something?"

The three sat in silence for a few minutes, each trying to spin this so the media and fans wouldn't hate them.

"It's a high-risk pregnancy.  You wanted to be sure you were safe before making any announcements," Kevin suggested.

"If people can't deal with our wanting a little privacy until we were sure things were good...then they don't really care about us," AJ decided.

Katie couldn't believe that he would do that.  That was a big f you to some people.  That was something that could potentially screw up his career.  And he was willing to do it because he loved her and their babies.  She knew even more then that they were meant to be together forever.

Katie's mind wandered to the day she first saw the announcement on MTV...

"John Norris here for MTV News. I have some big Backstreet Boys News. Sorry to tell you Backstreet fans, but a third Backstreet Boy has been claimed, big time. Backstreet Bad Boy proposed to his girlfriend Katie Sullivan this past Christmas morning.  One month later, the newly engaged discovered that they were pregnant...with two. That's right girls, Backstreet Bad Boy, AJ Mclean is going to be a daddy to two. We just recently talked to AJ about his news and this is what he had to say to us..."

The screen switched to AJ, "We weren't sure how fans would react to my being engaged and becoming a father, but Katie makes me happy.  We have two babies coming this fall and we couldn't be more excited.  The rest of the guys are extremely happy for us and very supportive.  I hope the fans can be the same way!"

Katie was silently sitting next to him on the screen, listening to what he had to say.

Finally she spoke up, "AJ makes me so happy, and I couldn't be more proud to be giving him these babies.  I guess I just want all of his fans to know that I think you are all amazing.  He wouldn't be who he is or where he is without you all.  We really hope you can all be happy for us. He won't stop being AJ because we get married or have these babies.  Neither of those things will change his voice, and there is no way I would ever ask him to stop singing. He loves it, I would never dream of trying to take that away from him or the Backstreet fans. I was there once, and I couldn't imagine how upset I would be if some girl came in and demanded one of the guys stop singing."

The picture switched back to John Norris, "Well, you heard it here first. For more news on this and other stories log on to MTV.com.

Katie re-adjusted her position.  She lay back lay on the couch, rubbing her stomach, and talking to the babies, "When is your daddy coming home?"

Her mind wandered off to the day three weeks earlier, the day they found out what they were having...

The doctor spread the goop across Katie's belly just like she'd done at the first appointment.  She shivered as the cold goop touched her belly, and the excitement took over.  She was going to get to see her babies, and she might finally get to know what they were.

"Would you like to know the sexes of the babies?" the doctor turned to them.

Katie nodded quickly and squeezed AJ's hand.

"But we only want to know if you can tell us what they both are," AJ added.

They'd discussed at length whether or not they would find out the sexes.  Katie desperately wanted to know, but they'd decided that they would only find out if they could find out both for sure.

"Let's see here.  We've got baby A...good.  And baby B...perfect," She turned the screen to show them, "Baby A is right here.  She looks great."

"She?  A girl?!?" Katie squealed.

The doctor nodded, smiling, and moved the probe a little and pointed back to the screen, "And here's baby B.  He is big and strong."

"A boy?" AJ grinned.

"Congratulations Alex and Katie, you are having a boy and a girl."

Katie grinned at the memory.  She felt the babies move just as AJ walked into the living room.  She pulled the headphones off over her belly and rubbed her hand up and down it.

"Hey babe!  I got that juice you like," he announced, proud of himself for remembering.

Katie wasn't paying much attention to him.  She was preoccupied with the movement in her belly.  She'd felt it a million times already, but it was always from the inside.  This time she felt the little kicks on her hand.

"Omigod! Alex, come here! Someone is kicking!"

 AJ dropped the bag and ran over to her.  Katie grabbed his hand and placed it right where she'd felt the kicks, "There, feel that?"

AJ's jaw dropped in awe, "Wow! One of our babies is kicking!"

Katie grinned, so happy that he was finally able to feel it, too.

"Does it hurt?"

"No, it actually feels kind of cool."

AJ got comfortable on the couch next to her.  He rested his head on her belly, his hand moving around trying to feel another kick.  It was all really real now.  There were two little babies in there, and it was all real to him now.

~May 10, 2003~

"Hey babe, where are you?" AJ called through the house.

He walked around to the kitchen and out to the patio.  Katie was sitting on the swing, her pregnancy book in her lap.

"Babe?" AJ came up next to her.

"Huh?" Katie sat up, a little confused, "I think I fell asleep."

"You feeling okay?" AJ crouched down next to her.

Katie nodded, "Yeah, just tired.  Always tired."

"You're carrying around two babies in there, you should be tired.  Think I can convince you to get up?  I have something to show you."

Katie nodded and put her arms out for AJ to help her up.

"So what do you need to show me?" Katie wobbled into the house behind AJ.

"I've been working on this in my free time," AJ began.

"Free time?  They've got you guys working so much I didn't think you had any free time."

"That's what you think.  We've been sneaking in to do this while you thought we were working."

"We?  So the guys were helping, too?"

AJ nodded, "And Kris and Leigh helped a lot, too.  But it's finally finished."

He led her through the house and up to the spare bedroom that was right next to their room.

"So what is it?" Katie grinned, knowing exactly what it was.

"Wait here for just a second.  And cover your eyes," AJ instructed then cracked the door open and slipped inside.

Katie stood in front of the closed door, hands over her eyes, waiting impatiently.  She heard the door open several seconds later, and felt AJ's hand on her arm.

"Okay, take a few steps forward."

"This isn't easy to do with this belly," Katie complained.

"You'll be fine.  Okay stop there.  Ready?  Open."

Katie dropped her hands to her sides and her eyes widened.  It was gorgeous.  And standing off to the side of the room was the whole group.  Everyone had been finishing up so they would be able to show Katie.

"Oh wow guys, it's amazing!" Katie teared up as she stepped further into the new nursery.

She ran her fingers over the soft yellow walls and noticed the detail put into the beautiful paintings.  Beautiful trees were painted from floor to ceiling, flowers and butterflies and bees scattered throughout.  She moved over to the wall holding the cribs.  Identical white cribs sat side by side, bedding to match the walls.

It was perfect.  More than Katie had imagined it could be.

"I love it you guys.  Thank you so much!"

Katie continued exploring the wonderful nursery.  Diapers were set up in the changing table.  A rocking chair was placed at the window.  All of the baby clothes they'd received as gifts as well as the clothes Katie had bought herself were neatly folded in the drawers or hung in the closet.  All the room needed was her two beautiful babies.

AJ walked over to Katie, resting his hand on her belly.

She giggled, "They're kicking again."

Everyone smiled.

"They kick whenever they hear you, harder when you touch my belly."

AJ puffed out his chest, "That's cause their daddy is awesome."

*****

"Have you guys picked out names yet?" Kristin asked.

Katie, Kristin and Leighanne were sitting on the patio of their favorite restaurant for their weekly lunch.  The girls had gossiped about everything and now was time to get to business.

"Yeah, I don't think these babies are going to have names," Katie frowned.

"Well you need to put a stop to Nick's names for them.  Soon," Leighanne laughed.

Katie grinned, "Yeah, I think if we keep calling them Seamonkey one and Seamonkey two..."

"They'll get complexes," Kristin began to laugh, "Which one is which?"

Katie shrugged, "I don't think Nick knows, how the hell should I know?"

"Seriously though...any thoughts?"

"I don't know.  We can't seem to agree.  I keep getting different things.  One book says to make their names different-they are two different people, and another will say to link them somehow.  I think we decided we want them to start with the same letter, but that's making it harder I think."

"Okay, so what do you have then?" the girls got really into it.  They were determined to rid these babies of the name Seamonkey.

"I suggested Alexander James Junior, but Alex wasn't sure he wanted a junior."

"That surprises me.  I thought every guy wanted their son to be named after them."

"I don't know.  He's a guy, I can't get his logic sometimes.  So I suggested James, and then Jessica for a girl.  Hmm, what else...Hayley and Hayden, Charlotte and Christian...I don't know."

"Are those one's you're discussing?"

"Not really.  He shot down Hayley and Hayden.  And he doesn't like Christian."

"Men.  We'll get something settled."

~May 27, 2003~

"Katie!  I'm home babe!" AJ called out, tossing his keys onto the counter.

He saw the back of her head out on the patio, back in that swing again.  She didn't say anything.

"Babe?" he walked out, thinking that maybe she'd fallen asleep.  He walked up to her and she wasn't sleeping.

"Ow, ow, ow," Katie moaned softly.  Her hands were gripping the armrests and she was obviously trying to take calming breaths.

"Babe, what's wrong?  Are you okay?" AJ knelt in front of her, putting a soothing hand on her shoulder.

"Do I look okay?" Katie snapped.

"What's wrong?  What do you need me to do?" AJ was worried.

"I don't know...I think...I'm having...a contraction," Katie slowly relaxed, taking deep breaths.

"It's okay.  We're going to the doctor.  It will all be okay," AJ tried to convince them both.

Katie nodded, "I'm okay now.  I'll be fine."

AJ grabbed a pair of Katie's flip-flops and slipped them on her feet before helping her up and leading her to the car.

AJ remembered this same oddly surreal and emotional feeling from the first time he'd escorted Katie through these doors.  It seemed like so long ago that he was waking her in there to see their babies for the first time, to see that everything was okay.  They were going to end up doing the same thing today.  They were going to see that everything was okay.

"Katie?" the nurse called her name.

Katie nodded and AJ helped her up and they went back to the examination room.

"Here's the deal Katie, everything appears to be going great, but we're going to have to stick you on bed rest.  With those contractions you were having earlier, and the fact that you've gotten so big," the doctor began.

"Big doesn't cover it.  I'm almost as wide as I am tall," Katie moaned.

"You're gorgeous," AJ assured her.

"You're not any bigger than any other mother-to-be of twins would be at this stage, it's just that your body is telling itself there's no more room.  Extra movement could set off contractions again, and we don't need to be risking anything."

Katie nodded her understanding.  This was going to suck, but it was necessary.

"If you continue with your normal daily activities, even though we've already cut them back, you could go into premature labor.  We've already cut back your exercise and I instructed you to be off your feet as much as possible, but it just doesn't look like it's enough anymore.  You're off your feet now unless you need to use the restroom, and one shower a day.  A quick shower.  There's no stopping by the laundry room to throw in a load, or stopping to make sure the dishes are done or put away."

Katie nodded again.  This was really going to suck.

"The better you keep to this, the longer those babies stay in there, the stronger and healthier they will be."

Finally Katie spoke up, "I knew this was coming.  Stuck in bed all day, oh joy."

The doctor gave her a sad smile, "It doesn't have to be all that bad.  That's were you come in daddy.  You can be a major help in this.  Set up bed rest ‘stations' for mommy.  Put some things for her to do in various places in the house.  Maybe in the bedroom, the living room, her favorite place in the house.  A few different places so she can change things up periodically."

AJ nodded.  He could do that.

"Giver her activities, books to read, if she likes puzzles, or video games.  There are several great message boards out there for moms on bed rest, so set her up with a computer.  Snacks as well.  A cooler with drinks and the likes."

"Got it.  We'll get that going as soon as we get home," AJ was making mental notes of the doctor's instructions.

*****

"Comfortable?" AJ asked again, turning back for the fourth time.

"Yes Alex.  I'm good.  You're going to be late if you keep stopping to ask if I'm comfortable."

"Okay fine.  I'm going.  I have my cell on if you need anything."

"I promise I'll call if I need anything."

"And one of the girls will be over in a little while to keep you company."

"Babe, I know.  I set it up."

"Okay, I'm leaving now, I promise."

*****

"How're the sea monkeys?" Nick grinned.

AJ rolled his eyes, "I wish you'd stop calling them that."

"You find them names, I'll stop calling them sea monkeys.  I'm not calling them baby a and baby b.  It's weird," Nick protested.

"Any closer to any names?" Howie joined the conversation.

AJ shook his head, "We can't agree."

"How's Katie doing?" Kevin asked.

"She's miserable.  She hates the bed rest, but she knows she has to."

"Kris is going over there after she gets finished with her thing.  I'm sure they'll have fun and take her mind right off of it for a while."

"Yeah, I'm just worried about her."

"She having more contractions?" Brian asked.

"No, not as far as I know.  I just hate leaving her home while she's stuck on the couch or in bed."

"She'll be fine man, her and the little sea monkeys."

AJ shook his head, a small smirk playing on his lips.

"You going to be able to concentrate enough to lay down these tracks?" Howie asked.

"Yeah, I'll be fine," he turned to the mixers, "But it that phone rings you have to tell me no matter what."

The guys nodded.  AJ would have their heads if he missed a call from Katie and something went wrong.

~June 9, 2003~

"We want to thank everyone for coming out," Kevin spoke through the microphone propped in front of him, trying to get the attention of the media and select special fans.

Their newest album was just about complete and would be released in the coming weeks.  That's when things would get super crazy.  Album signings would start, the months of practice they'd been putting in, all their hard work would finally show.  The press conference was being held to hype up the release of their album.

The boys each said a quick hello and the floor was opened up for questions.

"Is this album going to have the same Backstreet sound as your previous albums, or can we expect a new and different sound from you guys?"

The Boys looked at each other and Howie decided to speak up first, "We've all been growing and changing.  We took larger part in the creation of this album in everything from lyrics to producing and instrumentals.  I think the fans will enjoy what this album has to offer."

"It still has the BSB sound...just a little more matured," Brian added.

"Did any of you ever think this album wouldn't make it?  That the Backstreet Boys wouldn't ever see this album or any others released?"

"Sure we did.  Everyone has their bad days.  We're not invincible.  We get at each other and sometimes we just spend too much time working together and it's just like ‘aahhh!'" Kevin answered.

"You've all reached this amazing new height of fame and popularity.  What do you miss most from the days before you were recognized on the street?"

"I think we'd all agree we miss being able to go to the market for a gallon of milk without being mobbed," Howie offered up.

The rest of the guys nodded their agreement.

"I just never thought it would be so hard to walk out my front door.  You always have to be on," Nick added.

"The Backstreet Boys have had a pretty busy schedule these last few months, and it appears to only get busier.  What do you look forward to doing on your days off?  What's your favorite simple pleasure?"

Nick grinned, speaking up first, "I love to be able to just chill with my Nintendo.  I've gotten really into reading though, too.  It's nice to be able to sit down with a good book without having to re-read the same sentence fifty times because there's so much going on."

"I love being able to sleep in late.  Wake up to coffee and spend the day chillin' with my wife," Kevin continued.

Howie continued, "I love spending a few hours on my computer.  I check out the message boards to see what's going on with the fans, what they have to say about everything.  Checking out new music, too.  I love finding new, unheard of bands."

Brian was next in line, "Leigh.  I love having that time to spend with her.  We both have such hectic schedules sometimes, I just love being able to pretend we're not in the spotlight."

"If you'd have asked me that a few months ago, I can almost assure you my answer woulda been different.  I love having the opportunity to spend hours of uninterrupted time with my fiancé, just sitting together, getting things prepared for our upcoming arrival," AJ finished out the question.

"Speaking of the arrival," a particular nosey reporter spoke up, "I notice Kevin and Brian's wives are here.  Where is your fiancé AJ?"

"She's at home resting," AJ answered, not wishing to delve any deeper, "Any other BSB questions?"

That nosey reporter persisted, "Is everything okay?  I understand that Katie hasn't been seen out with you at any events or outings for several weeks now."

AJ groaned inwardly, trying to formulate the proper response-one that didn't include the ways he wanted to maim and torture the reporter-but Nick beat him to it.

"I don't think that's-"

AJ quickly cut him off before Nick got himself into trouble, "It's okay Nick.  They want to know what's going on, personal lives aren't personal when you're famous.  Katie has been taking it easy.  It isn't good for her or the babies if she's on her feet for long periods of time."

The rest of the press joined in on the questioning, obviously enjoying the path it was going down, "So the babies are healthy?"

"Everyone is doing great," AJ was beginning to get agitated, but he tried to keep his cool, "Any more questions about the album or the Backstreet Boys?  That is why we are all here."

They ignored AJ's not-so-subtle push back on topic, "Do you know the babies genders?"

"If there are no more BSB questions, we're going to say good-bye.  We thank you all for your time," Kevin tried to speak over the crowd, attempting to put an end to what had started out as a successful press conference.

Questions were still being thrown out as the Boys waved good-bye and stepped off the small stage where they had been sitting.

"What are the babies' genders, AJ?"

"Do they have names?"

"Are Brian and Kevin going to start families any time soon?"

The Boys made no attempt to comment as security led them off to the side, Kristin and Leighanne following close behind.  They ignored any further comments and questions as they were led out of the building and into their waiting limousine.

*****

"I'm sorry guys," AJ spoke up once the group was safely on the road.

He scrubbed his hand over his face and closed his eyes in frustration.  This wasn't supposed to be about him.  It was supposed to be about the Boys and their album.  Things were supposed to have gone much differently.

"No worries man.  It's not like you told them to ask about Katie.  You didn't offer up the information," Nick patted AJ on the back.

"Some of those people are just sharks.  We can't help it when they set their mind on something.  It's their job to delve into our personal lives," Brian added.

"We should've expected that," Kevin growled and he was rewarded with a glare from his wife.

"You did the right thing, answering the questions like you did," Howie assure AJ.

AJ shook his head, "If I hadn't mentioned Katie or the babies..."

"You were just being truthful," Kristin offered, "I don't think you could've answered that question about your days off any better without lying."

"I just wasn't thinking," AJ groaned, "I can't wait to see what they all say about this whole situation."

Kevin regretted his growly comment.  He looked to the other guys for any ideas on how to fix this.  He knew AJ hadn't done it on purpose, he'd just hoped they would have been more prepared for a situation such as this.

It was times like these that they all wished their private lives were a little more private.  Sometimes the benefits of fame just didn't outweigh the costs.

~June 16, 2003~

"You have got to be fucking kidding me!" AJ threw down the offending magazine.  He paced back and forth across the living room, mumbling obscenities to himself.

Katie pushed herself to a sitting position on the couch and looked over the back, "What's wrong babe?"

AJ shook his head, "Nothing.  It's fine.  Are you okay over there?  You need something to drink?  A snack?"

"No," Katie answered, trying to crane her neck to see what he was holding, "What're you reading?"

"Something Nick sent over.  It's no big deal."

"What is it?" Katie's curiosity got the best of her and she attempted to lever herself up off of the couch.

"Sit down before you hurt yourself," AJ scolded.  He threw the magazine down on the small table along the back of the couch and went around to help her sit back down.

"I'm pregnant, not crippled.  What the hell is going on?  You wouldn't be this upset if it was nothing," she maneuvered herself around to see what he'd thrown down, "Why are you reading that tabloid crap?"

"I told you, it's just something Nick sent over," AJ snapped, grabbing the magazine away.

Katie's jaw dropped, "Fine, if you're going to be a dick, I'm going to go sit outside by myself for a while."

She pushed herself up again, but her belly threw her off balance.  Her center of balance had been off ever since the belly had grown, so she had trouble keeping her balance.  AJ reached down to help stabilize her.

"You're not supposed to be getting up like that."

"I'm fine," Katie snapped back, pushing his hand away, "I don't need your help."

AJ held his hands up in front of him and let her go.  Katie waddled across the living room and to the doors to the backyard.  Whipping them open, Katie waddled through, and slammed it closed behind her.  She took a few deep breaths before making her way to her favorite spot, the swing.

Katie had been sitting on the swing, gently rocking herself, her hands resting on her belly as she watched the sky.  Almost a half an hour had gone by and she was so lost in her thoughts that she hadn't heard the back door open.  The sound of footsteps behind her brought her back, though, and she tried to brush the tears from her eyes without him seeing.

"I don't want to talk to you right now," she softly said without turning around.  She was afraid her voice would betray her, letting him know how scared and upset she was now.

"I'm sorry babe," AJ ignored her request for him to leave and he walked up behind her, "I didn't mean to snap at you."

Katie didn't respond, instead sitting quietly rocking herself.  She felt his hands touch her shoulders and the tears started again.

"I was upset," he passed the rolled up magazine over her shoulder so she could see it.

Blinking the tears back, Katie hesitantly reached up and took the magazine in her hands.  Her eyes scanned the cover, trying to figure out what he would be so mad about.  There, on the bottom right-hand corner, was the thing that set this off.

Katie wasn't sure what exactly to say about it.  The caption was utterly ridiculous, she didn't understand why AJ would be so upset.

"Where the hell did they get that from?" Katie said the only thing that came to her mind.

AJ walked around the swing and sat down next to her, "I think it stems from the press conference last week."

"Unless you told them that the twins were deformed, and I was leaving you...it's just ridiculous."

"They were asking questions...about where you were...tabloids like to jump to their own majorly fucked up opinions on these things.  The press conference wasn't supposed to be about you, or us, it was about the Boys and our album.  I didn't want to overshadow the guys by getting into us."

AJ put his hand over Katie's belly, leaning into her.  He rested his cheek on her head, letting her melt into him.  The couple sat in silence for a few minutes, AJ gently propelling them back and forth.  She felt his breath on her hair and the babies moved.  These were the moments that Katie loved, and was so scared of.

"Why were you crying?" he finally asked.

"I...I didn't think you saw.  I guess...I'm scared," Katie confessed.  She wouldn't look at him, unsure of her willingness to actually discuss things.

"Scared of what?" he softly prodded.

"This.  Us.  That I'm not..."

"Good enough?"

Katie slowly nodded, "How did I get so lucky?  What did I do to deserve you...these babies...this life?"

AJ sat silently for a few seconds, listening to her breath.

Finally he spoke again, "Can I tell you something?"

Katie nodded again.

"That's why I was so mad."

Katie sat up and finally looked at him.  Unsure of what he meant, she waited for him to go on.

"Nick sent the magazine over as a joke.  I think the guys all thought it was pretty ridiculous, but...the thought of you leaving me scared me to death.  I don't know what I'd do without you in my life, but I'm scared sometimes that I'm not good enough for you."

"We both have to work on that, I think."

AJ pulled her close to him again.

"We need to talk to each other.  I got so scared when you wouldn't tell me what was wrong.  I didn't know what was going on, and you were shutting me out."

"I just needed some time to work it through in my head.  I'm sorry I'm a dick."

"I didn't mean that," Katie whispered, "I love you."

"I love you, too, with everything in me," AJ responded.

Katie could tell there was something more on his mind, "Babe, you need to talk to me."

"I just...have you ever thought about it?"

"About what?"

"L...leaving me?"

"Never."

"I....I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"Asking you that."

"You should know better...but that's why we have to talk.  If you feel like that, or if something is bothering you, we need to work it out together.  The second we cut each other off," her voice trailed off.

"We just have to communicate."

Katie nodded.  She needed to lighten the mood.

Katie picked the magazine up from her lap, "I don't think they could have come up with anything any more ridiculous than this!"

AJ re-read the caption, "‘AJ Mclean's fiancé leaves with deformed, unborn twins.'  Okay yeah, completely ridiculous."

The couple began to laugh as Katie chucked the magazine into the pool.

"Our babies are not deformed.  They're gorgeous," Katie insisted.

~June 29, 2003~

"These babies are going to be born nameless!" Katie cried.  She was flipping through a baby name book for the millionth time.

Katie threw the book down on the coffee table and adjusted herself, attempting to get comfortable.  AJ picked up the book and sat down in a chair across from her.

"That's not true, hon," Kristin consoled her friend, then she turned to glare at AJ, "You two will agree on something."

"What are you looking at me like that for?" AJ protested, "She rejects just as many of my suggestions!"

"That's because I am not naming my babies like a pimp and a stripper!"

"A pimp and a stripper?" AJ scoffed, "What are you talking about?"

"Barbi," Katie simply replied, staring AJ down.

"Like the doll?" Kristin laughed.

"Like a stripper," Katie insisted.

"Okay, I was completely joking about that!" AJ said as he flipped the baby book open and randomly pointed, "How about Baxter?"

"Sounds like a dog's name."

AJ grinned, "Here we go.  This will be good.  How about...Beaver."

"Beaver?" Katie glared at him again.

AJ burst into hysterical laughter and Katie threw her pen at him.

"Sorry.  I thought it was funny," AJ mumbled.  He flipped to another page and randomly pointed, "Daria."

"There's a MTV cartoon character Daria.  No."

"Kermit."

"The frog."

"Alec."

"Baldwin."

"Tatiana."

"Ali."

"Carlton."

"Banks."

"Who is Carlton Banks?" Kristin questioned.

"From The Fresh Prince.  Do you not watch tv?" Katie responded as if Kristin's question was completely stupid.

"See?" AJ turned to Kristin.

"You were just randomly choosing names from that book.  What are the chances that you actually like any of those names?"

AJ sighed, "Fine.  You're right."

"See, that's the problem, you're not taking this seriously," Katie said.

"You still have time," Kristin assured her, "You just need to get serious about this."

"So how do you propose we do that?" AJ asked.

"Make lists," Kristin suggested, "You both write down the names you like.  Come together and see if there are any matches, and go through the lists together choosing names you both like."

AJ nodded, "I can do that."

"Can you be serious about it?" Katie asked.

"Babe, I can do it.  We'll have names for these babies."

Katie watched AJ as he grabbed the pen she'd thrown at him and set to work.  After a few minutes she set to work as well.

A half an hour later, Kristin was gone and they each had a list of names scribbled out.  The two exchanged lists and went to crossing off names that weren't going to happen.

"Okay, so we have a start here," AJ assured her, "Let's see..."

"Well, we have fourteen girls names and fourteen boys."

Adelaide and Aiden

Annabella and Andrew

Brooklyn and Braden

Emmalyn and Ethan

Gracie and Graham

Joslin and Jakob

Kylee and Kaleb

Makayla and Maxwell

Natalee and Noah

Payton and Parker

Sadie and Scott

Skyler and Sean

Zoe and Zachary

*****

"Fourteen names?" Beth's jaw dropped.

"No, twenty-eight names.  Fourteen sets of names," Katie corrected her, "Don't look at me like that.  You've been gone for weeks, leaving me with no best friend.  You have no right to look at me like that!"

"I can't help it Joe had family issues.  I'm sorry I left you, but I'm here now.  How exactly are you going to choose two names from this crazy list?"

Katie rolled her eyes at her best friend, "Like I flippin' know.  I'm just happy we were able to agree on any names at all right now."

Beth studied the list, "Can I make a few suggestions?"

Katie slowly nodded.

"Well, even though Zoe is cute, it reminds me of the Sesame Street character.  I also think Rylee and Ryder are too close.  Oh, one more...do you know how many little girls are out there with some version of Emma?"

"I'll take that into consideration," Katie responded, promptly crossing the three pairs off of her list.

"Just trying to help.  You have any favorite sets in particular?"

Katie nodded, "Adelaide and Aiden, Joslin and Jakob, and Makayla and Maxwell."

"See, those are all really cute.  Does your fiancé know those are your favorites?"

Katie shook her head no.

"Which are your favorites?" AJ asked as he walked into the room.

When Katie didn't answer, Beth spoke up for her, "Adelaide and Aiden, Joslin and Jakob, and Makayla and Maxwell.  You guys still have like...what, ten weeks left?"

"It's eleven weeks and two days," Katie corrected.

"And you have it down to the day?"

"When you're this huge, and stuck in bed-"

"Or on the couch," Beth interjected.

"Or on the couch, you start counting the days."

AJ kissed Katie on the head and took a seat in the chair next to the couch.  He pulled her feet into his lap and began massaging.

"I'm next," Beth wiggled her toes, giggling.

AJ laughed, "Why didn't you tell me those were your favorites?"

Katie shrugged, "I dunno.  I guess I was still thinking."

"I really like those three.  They all fit with the middle names, too."

"What middle names?"

"Faith and James."

Katie smiled widely.  She had mentioned to him early on that she though it would be cool to give the babies their middle names.  She was surprised he'd remembered.

"You didn't think I remembered, did you?"

Katie shook her head.

"They do work," Beth said, "They flow well."

"So we've narrowed down our list?" AJ asked.

"I don't want to narrow it down to those if you don't like them as much."

"I already have my favorites, and it just so happens they're on your list."

"So what are they?"

~July 10, 2008~

"Ooh, c'mere, you can feel one of them kicking," Katie grinned, motioning the girls over to her belly.

Kristin rushed over and put her hand out allowing Katie to direct it to the spot the baby was kicking.

"Wow, that is so amazing," Kristin looked up at Katie.

"So Brian told me you guys chose names?" Leighanne cocked her head, hoping for the details.

"How did he know?  Alex wasn't supposed to say anything," Katie took Leighanne's hand now and pressed it to the kicking.

"He didn't tell the guys what they were, just told them that you guys agreed on something.  Now they're all going crazy trying to get it out of him."

Katie grinned, picturing Nick, Brian, Howie and Kevin beating AJ up over baby names.  That man loved to torture himself.

"Well...I'm not telling either.  You'll find out when the babies are born."

Leighanne pouted, and Katie just grinned.

"Hey, you have to see this," Katie said, changing the subject, "Someone go get the flashlight in the spare room down here."

"Flashlight?" Kristin asked as Leighanne got up and went in search of the flashlight.

Katie just nodded.

"Care to explain?" Leighanne returned with the flashlight.

"Just watch," Katie grabbed the flashlight and clicked it on.  Holding it up against her belly, she silently waited.

"Umm...what are you doing?"

"Just wait," Katie insisted, "Watch."

A few seconds later they saw it.

"Omigod...what is that?" Leighanne's jaw dropped open.

"A foot...or an elbow or knee or something," Katie replied, moving the flashlight around a little, "I read it in the pregnancy book.  The babies can see the light, they're, like, playing with it."

The girls could see little limbs just barely poking out as the babies batted at the light invading their space.

"Alex thought it was the coolest thing.  I swear he played with the flashlight for close to an hour."

"He tortured those poor babies for an hour?" Kristin laughed.

"No.  He tried.  The babies gave it up and went back to sleep," Katie laughed.  She clicked off the flashlight and set it on the coffee table in front of her.

"So, are you ready?" Kristin asked.

"Ha!" Katie began laughing, "Would you be ready for two babies?"

"Oh whatever, you're going to be a great mother," Kristin assured her.

"And Alex will be great, too," Leighanne added, "You should hear the way he talks about those babies.  He's so excited."

"Really?" Katie hadn't realized how excited he really was, "I guess he tones it down at home."

"He's always touching your belly when you two are together.  It's sickeningly cute."

"Yeah...I guess I can see the excitement.  He sings to them every night," Katie smiled.

"See?  He's going to be so good with those babies," Kristin said.

"I can't keep calling them ‘those babies'," Leighanne begged, "They need names."

"They have names.  I'm just not telling," Katie grinned evilly.

Leighanne glared at her playfully.

"I know you guys won't say anything on purpose, but what it someone hears?  We don't want their names out there yet."

"That's understandable," Leighanne admitted, "Have you guys been asked about pictures?"

Katie nodded, "Alex said we get offers daily."

"Have you decided what you'll do?"

"Not officially.  We haven't accepted anything.  We want their lives to be private, their just babies, but we know that people will be curious..."

"Especially after that stupid tabloid article," Kristin muttered.

"Yeah, people are going to wonder if they're really deformed," Katie laughed dryly.  She didn't really find it funny, she just didn't know what else to do.

"So you'll put out pictures?"

"We're going to do something.  Alex talked about an exclusive with one magazine, and interview and photo shoot.  When I'm up to it though," Katie said.  She wasn't stupid, she knew she was going to be damn exhausted with two newborns.

"How do you feel about that?"

"I think it'll be good.  We've also talked about posting a few photos up the fanclub site.  I don't know yet."

"Yeah.  Just take it as it comes.  See how you feel about it all when they're actually here," Leighanne summed it up.

*****

"Oh my GOD!  I can't sit here anymore!" Katie yelled.

AJ came running into the room in a panic, "What's wrong?  Are you okay?  Are the babies okay?  What happened?"

Katie took a deep breath, "I just can't sit here anymore."

Tears sprang to Katie's eyes and she tried to push them back.  AJ rushed over to her side, his hand rubbing small circles over her belly.

"I'm sorry babe."

"I just...I've been here for over six weeks.  I can't keep sitting here like this.  I feel completely useless!"

"You're not useless," he tried to assure her, "You're keeping our babies safe.  The longer those babies stay in there, the healthier they will be when they get here."

"But you've been doing everything around here!" Katie let the tears fall down her cheeks.

"First of all, the guys have been helping-"

Katie cut him off, "And they shouldn't have to be!"

"They're doing it because they want to, babe.  They love you.  They only want you and those babies to be okay.  And if that means them coming over here, or the girls helping out with a little cooking or cleaning...they're happy to do it."

"But it's not their job!  I should be doing it!" Katie continued to cry, getting more and more hysterical by the second.

AJ didn't know what to do.  He tried to remind himself that it was just her hormones out of whack, but she'd never gotten herself this upset before.

"I...babe...they just...do you want me to call one of the girls?" AJ suggested.  He wasn't sure what to do to get her to calm down.

Katie shook her head no, sniffling.  AJ got up to get Katie a tissue, whipping his cell phone out in the process.

He quickly dialed Kevin's phone number, hoping he would have a suggestion.

"What's up Aje?" Kevin answered on the third ring.

"Katie.  I don't know what to do," AJ started.

"Is she okay?  Did she go into labor?" Kevin began to panic.

"No, no.  Sorry.  She's not in labor.  She's okay...aside from the hysterical crying."

Kevin laughed, "What did you say to her?"

"This one wasn't my fault!" AJ cried.  He was on the verge of tears too.  He had no idea to calm his hysterical fiancé.

"Well where is she?"

"She's in the living room.  I left her to get her some tissues."

"Why'd she start crying in the first place?"

"I don't know, something about being useless..."

"Did you tell her she wasn't useless?"

"Of course I did!" AJ yelled, "She says she's useless because she's sitting there on the couch while you guys come over and do stuff she should be doing."

Kevin sighed, "Let me talk to her."

AJ walked back into the living room, "Babe?  Kevin wants to say hi."

Katie reluctantly took the cell phone and put it to her ear, "Hello?"

"How are you feeling?" he gently asked her.

"I'm f-fine," Katie sniffled.

"You know the girls love you, right?"

"Yeah."

"And so do we?"

"Yeah."

"That's why we're helping you.  We know you would do the same thing for us if we needed it."

Katie nodded, wiping the tears away, "I know."

"Good.  So no more tears over it, right?"

"Right," Katie agreed.

"Okay.  You rest then.  I'll see you tomorrow."

Katie nodded and handed the phone back to AJ.

"Everything okay now?" Kevin asked AJ.

"Yeah.  Thanks man.  I just..."

"I know.  That's what I'm here for," Kevin smiled, "We'll see you guys tomorrow."

~July 31, 2003~

"Shoes, where are your shoes," AJ mumbled to himself as he rushed around the house.

"My flip-flops, babe, my feet won't fit in anything else," Katie called from the couch.  She'd already attempted getting up to get her shoes, but she'd been immediately scolded.

"Ha!  Found them!" AJ cried and rushed back into the living room.  He slipped the sandals onto her feet and helped her stand.

The couple was preparing for what was probably their final ultrasound.  The doctor would check to make sure that everything was still looking well, that the babies still looked okay, and that, most importantly, they were in the correct positions for birth.

AJ helped Katie maneuver through the house and out to the garage.  Once she was safely in the passenger seat, he went around and got in the driver's seat.

*****

"Katherine Sullivan?" the nurse called out her name.

AJ helped Katie stand up from the uncomfortable waiting room chair and followed her through the door to an examination room.  The nurse weighed Katie and took a few measurements, scribbling them all onto the chart.

"The doctor will be in shortly," she smiled and left the room.

Katie lay back on the examination table, AJ holding her hand.  She thought back to the day they found out it was twins.  That ultrasound seemed so long ago.  They were almost to the finish line and Katie couldn't help but be a little sad.

"Babe, why the tears?" AJ looked at her concerned.

"You were holding my hand like this at our first ultrasound," Katie sighed.

"Wow, that seems like forever ago," AJ thought for a few minutes.  They'd thought the doctor was joking, and now here they were, weeks away from the birth of their twins.

"Knock, knock," the doctor walked in the room, "Almost there Katie.  Are we ready?"

Katie tried to force a smile, "Ready as we'll ever be."

"Let's see here...thirty-three weeks.  Still a bit early, so we're going to keep you on bed rest a bit longer.  No need risking anything."

Katie nodded and the doctor began the examination.

"You are dilated, but no contractions, right?"

Katie shook her head, "Nothing really.  Periodic ones here and there."

"Good, good.  Dilation is normal, nothing to be worried about at this point.  We're going to check their positions to see what we can expect with delivery.  We're looking for two vertex babies, but one breech and one vertex will be okay as well..."

"Umm, English please?" AJ stopped the doctor.

"Didn't you read the pregnancy book?" Katie scolded him.
"I read it, doesn't mean it made sense.  I suppose you know what doc is talking about then?"

Katie blushed.

"See?  So what's this vertex and breech business?"

The doctor smiled, "Vertex is when the baby is head down.  That's what we want.  Breech is when the baby is feet down, and it's not as safe or comfortable delivering a breech baby."

"Okay, so we want two head down babies?" AJ tried to clarify.

The doctor nodded, "That's would be ideal, though if Baby A were head down, and Baby B were feet down, we could work with that as well.  Baby B can be turned if he is breech after Baby A is born."

"So what happens if they are both breech?" AJ asked, slightly concerned.

"I have to have a cesarean," Katie groaned.

"Well let's just see what those babies are doing in there before we get upset over anything," the doctor said.

Katie lifted her shirt and prepared for the cold goop.  The doctor flipped the ultrasound machine on and began running the probe over her belly.

"Baby A...she has strong heartbeat, looks good.  She appears to be in the vertex position."

Katie let out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding.  This was definitely good news.  It didn't much matter what their son was doing because their daughter was cooperating.

"Baby B...his heartbeat is strong as well.  He looks very good.  He, however, looks like he's in the breech position."

"But that will be okay, right?"

The doctor nodded, "We can turn him around after Baby A is born and it shouldn't be a problem."

*****

"So the seamonkeys are ready to come out?" Nick asked.

Katie shook her head and took a bite of her sandwich.  Everyone was sitting around the living room having a peaceful lunch.

"Sort of.  They're in good positions, but it's still a little early.  The doctor said we want to make it at least another few weeks," Katie clarified.

"Oh, so I still have to wait to see my seamonkeys?"

"First of all, they are my seamonkeys," AJ glared at Nick.

"That's what you think," Nick wiggled his eyebrows at Katie and she burst into hysterical laughter.

"I'm sorry Nick, but that was just too funny!" Katie said when she'd calmed down enough to speak.

Nick pouted, "Fine, your seamonkeys."

"Would you stop calling them seamonkeys?" Katie begged.

"If we had names to call them it would help," Leighanne added.

"Nice try.  You will find out when they are born," Katie insisted.

The group sat silently for a few minutes, everyone concentrating on their food.

"I give the seamonkeys three weeks before they're here," Nick announced.

"So we're betting on when I give birth now?"

"Why not?" Nick asked, "Who else cares to wager a guess?"

"Wager a guess?  Have you been reading the dictionary Nick?" AJ laughed.

Nick threw a French fry at him and everyone laughed.

"I say she'll make it all the way...seven weeks," Howie announced.

"Yeah, not on this planet.  I'm not doing a whole seven more weeks of bed rest.  These babies are coming out the second the doctor says they can."

"I give it four weeks," Kevin chimed in, and Brian agreed.

"The second the doctor says it's okay..." Katie reiterated.

~August 19, 2003~

"What's up?" AJ flipped open his phone without looking at the caller identification screen.

The Boys were in the studio, making any final adjustments that they needed to make to the album before it was released.

"Alex..." Katie said, her voice a little tense.

"Babe?" AJ perked up, focusing his attention completely on the phone call. He sat up straight in his chair, concerned by the tone of her voice, "What's wrong?"

"I think...it's time...my water...babies," Katie whimpered, trying to get through a contraction.

"What?" AJ was confused.  He didn't understand the message she was trying to get across.

Katie let out a breath, relaxing as the contraction passed, "Our babies are ready to join us."

"Oh wow," AJ exhaled, "It's time?"

The rest of the guys looked up at AJ, each wondering if they'd heard correctly.

"I need you to come home.  We need to go to the hospital," Katie insisted.

AJ nodded, a little dazed by the shock of the situation.  He didn't move, holding the phone to his ear long after Katie hung up.

"What's going on?" Howie finally asked, pulling AJ back to Earth.

"It's Katie...her water broke...the babies are coming," AJ replied, still a little spaced out.

"Well go!" Kevin pushed AJ up out of his chair, "We'll clean up here and meet you at the hospital."

*****

"Fiancé...water...contractions...twins," AJ said, out of breath from rushing into the hospital labor and delivery ward.

The nurse behind the counter laughed, watching Katie waddle in the doors far behind AJ, "First time dad?"

AJ nodded quickly, trying to catch his breath.  He was slightly agitated that she was laughing at him.

Katie finally made it to the check-in desk and the nurse turned to her, "Contractions?"

Katie nodded, "Six minutes I think.  I was three centimeters at my appointment last week.  My doctor said it could happen any time."

"Have you called your doctor to meet you here?"

Katie nodded as she was helped into a wheelchair.  Another nurse wheeled her down the hall to a private room, AJ following close behind.  She changed into her hospital gown and got into the bed.  AJ sat next to her, holding her hand as the nurse administered Katie's IV and hooked her up to fetal monitors.

An hour later, AJ and Katie were sitting alone in the hospital room, the paperwork all filled out, and their doctor was on the way.

"Babe, it's okay," Katie rubbed AJ's arm gently, "You can relax."

"I'm sorry babe.  I should be telling you to relax.  I'm just waiting for...something..."

"Like what?" Katie raised her eyebrows.

"I don't know.  I just thought it would be...more eventful."

"Oh it will be," their nurse walked in, grinning, "Sometimes early labor can be a bit boring.  Before you know it things will be happening and babies will be born.  How are you feeling Katie?"

"Oh I'm just fabulous," Katie fake smiled.

"It will all be worth it when those babies are here," the nurse assured her.

Katie nodded and watched the nurse turn to walk back out.

"Drugs!" Katie called out before the nurse was gone.  How could she forget the one thing that might make this bearable?

The nurse turned back around chuckling.

"When can I have that epidural?"

"I'll let the anesthesiologist know."

*****

"Hey hon, how are you doing?" Kristin asked as she and Leighanne walked into the hospital room.

"Oh I'm just fabulous.  I'm only huge, hot and I've been contracting for the last ten hours.  I'm just great!  How the hell do you think I'm doing?" Katie snapped.

Leighanne's eyes widened and AJ grinned.

"Better you than me," he whispered to the girls, "She's been yelling at me all night.  At least you finally got the epidural though..."

"It's your fault I'm pregnant!" Katie growled through a contraction.

"Oh no it's not.  I remember you being a very active participant in the process.  Besides, I'm not the one that didn't follow the doctor's direction and sent myself into labor," AJ argued.

"I can't help it I get bored!  I've been on that damn couch for weeks!  I was just trying to go outside!" Katie raised her voice.

Kristin and Leighanne backed out of the room slowly to let the couple argue in peace.

"I offered to help you set up somewhere else for the few hours I was gone.  You said you were fine!" AJ continued, not even realizing their company had left, "You know you're not supposed to be moving around like that!"

"Well I changed my mind, so sue me!"

"You know, we can hear you two down the hall in the waiting room?" Kevin walked into the hospital room.  The Boys had been informed that the two were arguing and Kevin, ever the responsible one, went to make them stop.

Katie jumped at the sound of Kevin's voice, slightly startled.

"Really?" She asked embarrassed.

Kevin shook his head, "No, but you are loud.  What's with the yelling?  Aren't you supposed to bring babies into a peaceful environment?"

"Alex is being a jerk."

"Yeah, it's all my fault.  It's my fault she's pregnant, and it's my fault she's in labor," AJ added sarcastically.

Kevin rolled his eyes in amusement, "You two..."

The doctor came in then, sending the three into silence, "Hello there Katie.  Just came to check in on things."

She turned to Kevin, signaling him to exit the room so Katie could be checked.

"Alex, can I speak to you in the hall?" Kevin muttered, dragging AJ out to the hall with him.

"What?" AJ growled.

"Arguing with your pregnant fiancé?  While she's in labor?  With your twins!  Are you trying to get divorced before you two are even married?"

AJ sighed, "I'm just freaking out.  I don't mean to argue with her, I just..."

"I know Aje, but you just have to chill out.  Deep breaths.  It's all going to be fine.  We'll all be here for you, you know that.  You're going to have two beautiful babies."

"Yes you are Alex," the doctor poked her head out through the hospital room door, "Katie is ready to go."

"Ready?" AJ asked.  He wasn't ready, how the hell could she be ready?

"She's ready to push."

"Congratulations man," Kevin pulled AJ into a hug, "The next time we see you, you'll be a dad!"

Kevin gave AJ a reassuring smile and turned to walk back to the waiting room with the rest of the group.

*****

Everyone stood up when they saw AJ coming down the hall.  A huge smile was plastered on his face.

"Are they here?" Kristin excitedly asked.

AJ nodded, "They're here!  They're perfect!"

Everyone took their turns to say congratulations and give AJ a hug.  Then they waited patiently for more details.

"So...how are they?" Howie finally spoke up.

"They're amazing!  The doctor said that they are perfectly healthy.  She was born at twelve twenty-five, four pounds ten ounces, eighteen inches.  He made his entrance eight minutes later.  He was five pounds even, twenty inches," AJ rattled off the stats he'd memorized before leaving to make the announcement.

"Those are some tiny sea monkeys!" Nick grinned and everyone chuckled.

"Can we have some names now?" Leighanne begged, "So Nick can stop calling them sea monkeys."

"Katie had wanted to introduce you to them, but she's so exhausted...Joslin Faith and Jakob James," AJ grinned proudly.

"Alex those are beautiful names!" Kristin exclaimed.

"Do you get to stay with them?" Brian questioned.

AJ nodded, "We asked that they not be taken to the nursery.  We wanted to keep them right there with us while we're here."

"That's awesome Alex," Nick clapped AJ on the shoulder.

"I'm sure you're exhausted," Kevin added, "You should get back to your fiancé and babies.  We'll come back tomorrow afternoon to visit if Katie is up for it?"

AJ nodded, "I think she'll like that."

Everyone exchanged excited hugs before parting ways.  AJ walked quickly back to the hospital room where his fiancé and babies were waiting.  AJ was damn proud and beyond excited to spend his first night as a dad.

~August 25, 2003~

"Here we are, babe!" AJ exclaimed as he pulled into their driveway.

Katie was stuffed between the two infant car seats in the back seat of their SUV.  She was completely terrified.

AJ put the car in park and got out.  He went and opened the back door to the SUV and pulled out Jakob's car seat.  After setting it down he reached in to help Katie get out and then went around for Joslin.

Katie didn't say anything as she took the keys from AJ and went up to the front door to unlock it.  AJ easily grabbed both infant seats and carried the twins inside.

"Here's your home, babies," he cooed to the two very alert babies.

He set them down in the foyer and kicked off his shoes.  Katie had already gone into the house, and AJ assumed she'd gone up to the nursery.

"Hey babe?  When do you have to feed them again?" he called up, but she didn't answer.

AJ left the babies secured in their seats in the foyer and went to find her.  He went up to the nursery, hoping to find her there.  The nursery was empty.  He hadn't seen her in the master bedroom when he'd passed it, but we went to check anyways.  It was empty as well.  He came back down the stairs; maybe she'd gone into the kitchen.  AJ finally found her on the swing in the back yard.

"Hey babe, I didn't know where you went."

"Sorry," she sniffled, trying to hide the fact that she'd been crying.  Here eyes were all red and puffy giving her away.

"Babe, what's wrong?" AJ glanced back in the house towards the foyer and walked around the swing and sat next to her.

She shook her head, "I don't know if I can do this."

"Of course you can babe.  And I'm here, too.  We'll get through this," AJ replied, trying to comfort her.  One of the babies began to cry then, realizing that they'd been left alone.  AJ glanced back at the house again.

"I don't think they like me," Katie whispered.

AJ's jaw dropped, "Of course they like you, you're their mommy."

Katie shook it off, not wanting AJ to think she was being ridiculous.  She slowly nodded.  She was scared that she wouldn't be able to do it, scared that if AJ left her alone with the babies something would go wrong.

AJ got up to tend to the crying baby and Katie sat there, alone and scared, crying again.  He'd expected her to follow him, to help him with their babies, but she hadn't.  When he returned with Jakob cradled in his arms, Katie wiped the tears away again.

"I think he's hungry babe," AJ said, trying to hand Jakob to her.

Reluctantly Katie took the baby, but it didn't feel right.  She didn't feel like a mom.  She didn't feel like she should be holding this baby, preparing to nurse him, keeping him forever.

AJ walked back into the house, leaving Katie alone with Jakob.  She tensed up, suddenly unsure of her parenting abilities.

Jakob sensed her stress and his little body tensed up as well.  He immediately began crying, sending Katie into tears again, too.

"I can't do this!" Katie yelled out for AJ.  Her eyes were squeezed shut and the overwhelming feeling of inadequacy rushed over her.

AJ came rushing out to the back yard, stuffed diaper bag in hand, to where his fiancé and son were crying, "Babe, what's wrong?"

"I just...I can't..."

AJ dropped the diaper bag they'd been sent home with onto the ground.  He wrapped his arm around her, rubbing her back slowly, "It's okay.  The doctor said you would be tired.  Maybe you should just go lay down for a little while?"

Katie shook her head, "He needs to eat."

"The hospital sent home a few bottles of formula.  I'll feed Jakob and Joslin, you go lay down," AJ insisted and took Jakob from Katie's arms.  Jakob immediately began to settle down and his cries became soft whimpers.

Katie shook her head again, the tears taking over, "No, I said I would breastfeed.  I need to feed him!"

"Babe, one or two bottles isn't going to hurt.  You look exhausted.  Go lay down, you'll feel better," AJ grabbed the diaper bag and carried it and baby Jakob back into the house.

Katie finally gave in, letting AJ take Jakob.  He stopped crying the second AJ took him.  That confirmed her suspicions that the babies didn't like her.  She wasn't meant to be a mom.  If she was, then her own baby wouldn't cry when she held him!

Katie got up and slowly made her way to the master bedroom.  She didn't even bother taking her shoes off of changing her clothes.  She lay down on the bed, once again letting the tears flow freely.  She cried herself to sleep.

*****

"It takes a lot to know what is love.  It's not the big things, but the little thing that can mean enough.  A lot of prayers to get me through..." AJ sang softly to Joslin and Jakob as he rocked them back and forth.  AJ had a baby cradled in each arm as he softly sang to them.

Katie opened her eyes slowly, the light from the hall rousing her.  She could hear something down the hall and she pushed herself up out of the bed to investigate.  She walked down the hall toward the sound of AJ singing.

Katie stood in the doorway and watching AJ with their babies.  That's what a parent was supposed to do.  They were supposed to comfort their child, calm them and love them.  Katie was incapable of that.

"I'm always there for you, pushing you and guiding you, always too succeed.  I'll show you, now that you're young just how to grow.  I'll show you, everything that you should know.  I'll show you, just how to walk without my hands, cause I will always be yourperfect fan," AJ leaned down and pressed a soft kiss onto each of the babies heads.

Once he was sure both were asleep, AJ carefully got himself up and out of the rocking chair to lay the babies in a crib.  The books and doctors all said that it was good for newborn twins to co-sleep, giving them the security of being together just like they had been in utero.

Katie just stood watching him with the babies.  AJ was meant to be a father, Katie knew that much.

Katie didn't notice that AJ had turned away from the crib.  He'd started walking out of the room, leaving the babies to sleep peacefully.

"How long have you been there?" AJ asked, startling Katie back into reality.

"Sorry, I should've come in to help you."

"We managed.  Are you okay?"

Katie nodded, "I think I was just really tired.  I didn't realize I'd slept so long.  You should've woken me up."

"I tried," AJ responded, "You were so out of it."

Katie hung her head, completely ashamed, feelings of guilt washed over her.  AJ stepped around her and walked down the hall back to their bedroom.  Katie followed.

"I'm sorry."

"You said that already babe.  I just don't understand what's going on."

"I just...nothing.  I'm fine."

That was becoming her mantra.  She needed to assure everyone that she was fine.  Even though she knew she wasn't.

"You're not fine.  You couldn't even hold Jakob earlier!"

"He was crying!  I was tired!  I'm sorry!"

"You haven't even called them by their names," AJ sighed, "I know that this wasn't how we planned on things happening, but there's not much we can do now!  They're here, and they're our babies."

Katie froze.  Had she really not spoken the babies names?  She thought back over the short amount of time she'd spent with them today and couldn't recall even talking to the babies, let alone speaking their names.

"Oh my God...I'm horrible," Katie whispered.

AJ pulled off his shirt and pants, undressing to get into bed, "You're not horrible.  I just don't get what's going on.  I thought we were okay.  I thought we were going to get through this together."

Katie sat on the edge of the bed playing with her hands.  This couldn't be right.  How could a woman give birth to two beautiful babies, and want nothing to do with them?

When Katie didn't say anything else, AJ got into bed and turned off his light, "When you feel like you want to talk to me about what's going on in there, I'm here."

*****

Katie hadn't been able to fall back to sleep after her conversation with AJ.  She lay silently in bed, alternating between tears and anger.  She was completely ashamed that she hadn't been able to get up to take care of her own babies.  And she was angry with AJ for expecting her to be supermom their first day home.  She felt guilty for not being able to do what she needed to do.

When the babies started crying a few hours later, Katie pushed herself out of the bed and went down the hall.  She needed to do this.  Katie needed to go down that hall to her babies.  Katie needed to show both herself and AJ that she was fine, that she could do it.

She peeked into the dark nursery, completely terrified.  Katie finally forced herself into the room and over to the crib.  She reached down to pick up Joslin, who was hysterically crying.

"Breathe, Katie, just breathe," she reminded herself as she cradled the screaming child.  Katie walked to the changing table and set Joslin down.  She pulled the snaps of the sleeper open and pulled the baby's kicking legs out.  Getting the wet diaper off was the easy part.  Putting a dry one on wasn't as easy.  She couldn't do it.  Joslin was squirming too much and Katie just couldn't do it.

"I've changed diapers before, I did it in the hospital just fine," Katie cried.  She wanted to stay calm, to get through this, but the tears were right there and her heart was racing and it was just too much.  She felt useless.

Eventaully she gave up and picked the screaming child up again, trying to calm her.  She didn't have the right words to say.  She couldn't sing to her like AJ had done earlier.  Her hiccuping in between sniffles caused more of a jerky motion than a soothing rocking.  It all seemed to make the sitaution worse, causing Joslin to become more and more upset, which just sent Jakob into tears as well.

AJ walked into the room, a little groggy, and went to Jakob.  He easily picked the tiny baby up and cradled him to his chest.  After whispering a few soothing words to the baby and a couple seconds of rocking, Jakob was again silent.  The tears Katie had been trying to unsuccesfully hold back finally pushed their way through even more, "I can't do this."

Katie put Joslin down in the crib again and rushed out of the room.  AJ was again left to care for their newborn twins by himself.

"Mornin' babe," AJ glanced at Katie as he walked into their bedroom, Jakob on his shoulder.

Katie nodded in response.  She'd been laying awake in bed for almost an hour, trying to force herself to get up and make another attempt with the babies.

"Kristin and Kevin are coming over in a little while to see the babies," AJ set Jakob on the bed and changed his shirt, "Just thought you might want to get up and get dressed."

Katie didn't respond, but instead tried to force the tears back again.  She didn't want AJ to see her crying yet again.  AJ lifted Jakob back onto his shoulder again and left the room.  Katie buried her face in the pillow as her body shook from crying.

Finally she stopped and pulled her face out of the pillow.  She wiped the wetness from her face and sat up.  Willing her body to move, she finally got up and went into the bathroom.  If should couldn't even get up and take care of herself, how was she going to help AJ with their babies?

She felt slightly refreshed from a shower, and she put on some clean clothes.  After brushing her long hair into a wet ponytail, Katie walked out of the bedroom.  As she got to the top of the stairs she could hear multiple voices.  Kristin and Kevin had arrived.

"I just don't know what to do," AJ sighed.

"Have you talked to her?" Kevin questioned.

"I've tried.  She won't talk to me.  All she does is cry.  She doesn't hold them, hasn't fed them once...I don't even think she's spoken their names.  It's been three days...I don't know what to do any more!"

Katie stood at the top of the stairs and quietly listened to her fiance.  She could hear the pain and confusion in his voice and she felt guilty.  She'd gotten so lost in her guilt that she hadn't heard the rest of the conversation or the footseps that came towards the stairs.

"Hey you, I was just coming to find you," Kristin smiled, trying to bee cheery.

Katie quickly wiped the tears away again and forced a smile, "Here I am.  I must have been in the shower when you guys got here."

Kristin continued up the stairs, gently grabbing Katie's elbow to direct her, "Let's go talk alone for a few?"

Katie nodded and followed Kristin back to the master bedroom. The girls sat down on the bed, neither completely sure what to say.

"I'm going to assume you heard us talking downstairs?"

Katie didn't respond, instead choosing to play with her hands in her lap.  She didn't even look up at Kristin.

"Are you okay?"

"No."

"Talk to me.  What's wrong?"

"I don't know."

"Katie you need to talk.  Alex is terrified that you changed your mind.  He's afraid you don't want this all."

"I don't know...I just...I can't."

"Can't what?"

"I can't do anything.  It's all wrong.  They don't like me!" Katie cried, gesturing towards the door to indicate the twins.

"They?  Jakob and Joslin?"

Katie nodded.

"Why would you ever think Jakob and Joslin don't like you?"

Katie couldn't admit why.  She couldn't' admit that she was scared.  She was scared of messing up, dropping one of them, hurting one of them.  She was scared that she wasn't actually meant to be a mother.  She was scared that AJ was a better parent than her, and that he would realized that and take the babies and leave her.

"Of course they like you.  You're their mother, Katie.  They love you," Kristin tried to reassure her.

The girls sat together in silence for a few more minutes.  Kristin was hoping that Katie would finally open up, but it didn't happen.

"Are you going to come down?  Kev will be upset if he doesn't get to see you."

Katie nodded and stood up.  They went back downstairs to find Kevin cooing over Jakob, and AJ holding Joslin.  When AJ looked up, Kristin shrugged apologetically at him.

Katie sat quietly, answering questions with as little talking as possible.

*****

AJ walked into their bedroom that night, both babies fast asleep in their shared crib.  He wasn't going to push it any further, he was just going to give Katie her time and hope things would straighten out.  He didn't know what else to do.

Instead, the anger and upset took over, "Do you not want to be with us?"

Katie stopped brushing her hair and looked at AJ through the mirror in the master bathroom.  Her eyes widened, she was shocked that he'd jumped to that conclusion.

When she didn't respond, AJ continued, "Is that was it is?  Because I damn well can't figure out what else is going on with you!  You can't even fucking take care of your own damn babies!"

Katie breathed in deeply.  She wasn't upset at AJ for yelling at her, but at herself for making him.  If she didn't want to lose him, she was going to have to talk to him.  She set the brush down on the bathroom counter and turned to walk out of the bathroom.

AJ, discouraged by her lack of response, went about getting ready for bed.  He was going downhill fast.  The lack of sleep from caring for two newborns all alone was catching up to him fast.  If he had any hope of continuing, he needed to sleep when he could.

Katie walked in and sat down on her side of the bed.  She watched AJ move around the room and she realized how much she'd missed him.  They hadn't talked more than a simple good morning or good night since they'd come home from the hospital.  And even though they were sleeping in the same bed, they might as well have been in separate rooms.  The closeness was no longer there.

"I'm scared," Katie whispered.  At first she wasn't sure AJ had heard her and she tried to work up the courage to say it again louder.

After a few seconds AJ stopped and turned to look at her, "Scared of what?"

"Everything..." Katie breathed in deeply, trying to figure out how to say what she needed to say, "I'm scared of hurting them."

"Babe, they're not the first babies you've been around.  Hell, you have more experience than I do at this!  You're meant to be a mother."

"I just...it doesn't feel right.  They cry whenever I hold them.  You come in and take them and the world is right again.  I'm their mother!  I'm supposed to be able to do that!"

"First of all, they have names.  If you just relax and go with it, you'll be great!"

"How do you know?"

"Because I know you.  I know how much you wanted Jakob and Joslin.  I know how wonderful you are.  And I read more of those baby books than you think...babies sense stress and they react.  You know all that.  There has to be more to it than that."

"The doctor said I would be a little off...hormones."

"This is more than a little.  There has to be something more that you're not talking about.  You haven't talked to the babies once since we've brought them home."

"I'm just scared."

"We went through this already."

"I know, but...what if I'm not fine?  What if I'm absolutely horrible?"

"You won't be."

"But what if I am?  What if you see that I'm not a good mother?"

AJ caught on to what Katie was getting at, "Then we'll work through it.  Me and you together.  But it's not gonna happen because I know you will be the most amazing mom."

Katie still had her doubts, but the assurances from AJ helped.

"I could never leave you babe," AJ walked over and sat next to her on the bed, "We're meant to be together.  We're meant to be a family."

AJ leaned in and softly kissed Katie before getting comfortable under the sheets.  Katie got under the sheets as well, and, for the first time in over a week, AJ pulled Katie close to him.

*****

Katie slowly opened her eyes, the fuzzy world coming into focus.  She still felt AJ's arms wrapped loosely around her, could feel his breath on the back of her neck as he slept.  Then she realized why she'd woken up.  She could hear crying from down the hall.

She could do this.  AJ told her she could do this.  It was all going to be okay.  Before AJ could wake up, Katie extricated herself from his limbs and crept out of the room and down the hall.  She walked into the nursery, using only the nightlight in the corner of the room to see.

"Hi baby girl," Katie whispered and reached into the crib.

Joslin had wiggled her way out of the blanket she'd been snugly wrapped in.  Katie gently put her hands on the baby's stomach and she felt the baby's heartbeat, felt the rise and fall of the whimpering baby's chest.  After taking a deep and calming breath, Katie wrapped her hands around Joslin and lifted her from the crib.

Katie held Joslin to her chest, gently patting the baby's back to soothe her.  Joslin's whimpers quickly stopped as she relaxed in her mother's arms.  Katie couldn't help but smile at this boost of confidence, and she took Joslin over to the rocking chair.  She got comfortable in the chair, Joslin cradled in her arms, and she began to nurse her small daughter for the first time since they'd come home.

Katie gently rocked back and forth as Joslin nursed happily.  She looked down at her daughter, watching her small mouth move, feeling her tiny breaths.  Joslin made small, satisfied coos as she nursed and Katie grinned.

"I love you Joslin," Katie whipsered, "I love you and Jakob with all my heart."

AJ stood quietly in the doorway, watching his fiance and daughter in the rocking chair.  A smile spread across his face and he knew the worst was over.

~September 15, 2003~

Katie laid Jakob in the swing that stood next to the one Joslin was already in.  She flipped the little switch, setting the swing into motion.  Katie stood in the dining room in front of the twins, watching them for a few minutes before turning to go into the kitchen.  She could hear AJ down the short hallway, probably in the living room, talking to someone on the phone.

"Yeah it's great...she's like a completely different person...no, we still have our days...yeah, that's what the doctor said, but she talks to me about it now...I know!  They're growing so fast..."

Katie smiled to herself as she went over to the fridge.  She and AJ had finally gotten into the swing of things.  They still had their problems.  Rather, Katie still had her problems.  And tears were often shed-both from the babies and Katie-but they worked through it.

Katie reached into the fridge and pulled out the orange juice.  She'd have just enough time to have a quick lunch and shower before it was feeding time again.  She set the juice on the counter and went to the cabinet that held the glasses.  She set the glass she'd pulled out of the cabinet on the counter next to the juice and filled it.  When she turned back around, juice container in hand, to put the juice back into the fridge, she knocked the full glass over.  The glass fell to the floor, almost in slow motion.  Juice and shattered glass went flying across the floor.  The crashing sound sent the twins into hysterical tears.  Katie, completely shocked, let the juice container slip from her fingers and began to cry as well.

AJ dropped the phone, not even bothering to say anything to the person on the other line, and rushed into the kitchen/dining room, "What happened?"

"I...it slipped...juice everywhere..." Katie cried, still unsure of what happened.  She leaned against the counter and slouched down in, curling herself into a ball.

"Babe, it's okay," AJ tried to soothe her.

The noise level was a bit too high and it was throwing everyone off.  AJ reached over to help Katie up.  He wanted her out of the room, then he would go settle the babies.  He helped her step over the broken glass and sticky juice and ushered her out of the room.

"You go clean up.  Take a shower, change your clothes...whatever.  I'll take care of this."

"But the babies...and lunch..." Katie continued to cry.

"I'll take care of it.  Go," AJ insisted.

Katie sniffled back her tears and reluctantly turned to go up the stairs.  Minutes later the twins' crying stopped.  Katie, however, continued to cry.

"If I can't even pour a glass of juice..." Katie quietly berated herself, "...I'll never be a good mother."
She spent the entire time in the shower crying to herself.  The tears finally subsided as she got dressed.  By the time she got back downstairs again, everything was fine.

"All cleaned up?" AJ looked over at her from the dining room table.

He sat in the chair nearest the twins' swings, looking over some papers.

"Yeah.  Thanks for taking care of things," Katie walked over to the babies to re-adjust Joslin, then sat down next to AJ.

AJ pushed the papers aside and reached out to take hold of Katie's hands.  They sat in silence looking at each other for a few seconds before one of the babies made a sound that broke them out of their daze.  One of the babies had cooed, but neither AJ or Katie was sure which one.  It was the first time they had heard a sound outside of crying from either of the babies.

"I'm going to hate leaving them...and you," AJ sighed.

He'd been wanting to bring it up for the last week, but he wasn't sure how.  AJ was afraid of making Katie cry again.

"Oh yeah...I forgot that you guys are going on tour..." Katie sighed.

She'd been so preoccupied with working things out with the babies, and AJ, that she'd forgotten he had a job to do.

"It'll be okay though.  The girls will be here.  One of them even offered to stay here with you and the babies.  I think it was Leigh...I told her that she'd have to talk to you."

"Just when I get things worked out with you...I'm going to have to re-learn everything, by myself."

"I know babe.  I don't want to go any more than you want me to go.  I'm going to miss a lot.  I was thinking though..."

"Katie looked up at him questioningly.

"What if we set a wedding date?"

Katie's eyes lit up, "What were you thinking?"

"How does August twentieth sound?"

Katie slowly nodded, "Umm...any particular reason for that day?"

"I can't believe I remember, and you don't.  You're the girl, you're supposed to remember this shit."

"Hey, I've got a lot going on in my head.  Help me out here."

"Two years to the day we met."

Katie's eyes welled up, "Wow, I can't believe it's been that long."

"It hasn't been yet."

Katie grinned, "I never would have expected my favorite Backstreet Boy to wake me up that hot summer morning a year and a half ago."

"Yeah, and you told me to go away!" AJ laughed at the memory.

"And to think, if I wasn't best friends with Beth-"

"Who is Nick's crazy cousin," AJ interjected.

"Yes, yes, I was getting there.  If I wasn't best friends with Nick's crazy cousin...we wouldn't be sitting here right now setting a wedding date."

"And these two gorgeous babies wouldn't be here."

Katie smiled, so happy with where he life had taken her.  It wasn't all easy, but Katie liked it that way.  The little bumps made life interesting, and that much more worth living.

*****

"Katie, you look exhausted!" Beth pointed out.

"Gee thanks Beth.  I'm sure you'd look like this, too, if you were taking care of two newborns while trying to clean a house for company," Katie growled.

"Where's that fiance of yours?" Beth questioned, picking up dirty bottles and pacifiers.

"He's with the guys.  Their rehearsals stepped up because they are leaving in like a week.  I'm trying to get used to this being on my own thing.  I need to figure out if I can do it or if I need help."

"Well you've got help for today.  I called in the reinforcements," Beth grinned, "Why exactly are you having a dinner party over here tonight?"

"I can't tell you that."

"Because you don't know, or because you have a surprise for everyone?"

"I plead the fifth," Katie called over her shoulder from the laundry room.

Katie emerged a few minutes later with a pile of clean laundry.  She dropped it onto the couch and began folding.

"You're not pregnant again are you?"

The doorbell rang before Katie could respond.  Beth squinted at Katie, but went to answer the door.

"Ahh, reinforcements," Beth led Leighanne and Kristin into the living room.

"Well hello there.  You look a little like our friend Katie, only her hair is typically brushed...and she doesn't look nearly as tired as you," Kristin joked.

"Don't go there," Beth warned, "Our Katie look alike was just about to tell me whether or not she was pregnant again."

Kristin and Leighanne's jaws both dropped.

"I'm not!" Katie yelled, startling the babies, "Now see what you've done?"

Leighanne went over to help Katie calm the babies while Kristin took over the laundry folding.

"If you're not pregnant again, why on earth are you having everyone over for dinner?" Beth asked again.

"I already told you, I'm not telling."

"Fine," Beth pouted, "Here's the deal.  You're going to go lay down for a while.  Then you can take a shower, brush your hair, put on some clean clothes...you get the idea?"

Katie made a face at Beth, "I have to clean up at least a little."

"That's what we're here for," Leighanne stated.

"Fine.  Still isn't happening.  I have two little humans to take care of," Katie pointed out the twins.

"Give me Joslin.  You have breastmilk in the fridge, don't you?" Beth took the infant from Katie's arms.

Katie nodded, knowing that she was out of luck on her protesting.  She could use a nap.  And her hair hadn't been brushed in...she couldn't remember how long it was now.  What day was it?

"Fine.  But if things get out of hand you wake me up."

Katie reluctantly went up the stairs and to her room.  She fell asleep almost before her head hit the pillow.  And when she'd emerged two hours later, she was rested up, clean, and presentable.

The twins were sleeping in their infant seats off to the side.  The table was set and Katie could smell dinner.  The laundry had all been folded and put away and any dishes or bottles had been put in the dishwasher.  The girls were all cleaned up and ready to go.  All the house was missing was the guys.

"Wow you guys!  This place looks amazing!  Are you sure we're still at my house?"

Everyone laughed.

"I don't know how you do that by yourself," Leighanne gestured towards the sleeping babies.

"I don't always.  Alex is right there when he's home.  It's totally going to suck when the guys leave."

Kristin nodded.

"Did he say anything to you about my offer?" Leighanne looked up at her.

Katie nodded, "Yeah.  I was trying to figure out if I could do it on my own.  I don't want to put you out though.  You don't have anything to do?"

Leighanne shook her head, "Brian's going, too.  I'll be all alone.  It would be fun to help you out here."

"You still think so after one afternoon?"

Leighanne paused for a moment, "Yeah.  It'll be good practice."

The girls settled their plans then.  Shortly after that the guys filed into the house.

"Hey babe!  Sorry we're late," AJ walked up to Katie and wrapped his arms around her, "Is this the right house?"

The girls all laughed again.

"They did everything.  They made me go lay down."

"Good.  I was afraid you'd be working yourself too hard.  Dinner smells great!"

"That's all them, too."

Everyone said their hello's and were immediately ushered into the dining room.  Dinner was wonderful, with nosound from the babies until people were finishing up.

"That never happens," AJ laughed, "No sooner than we sit down, one of them is crying."

"Can I hold one of them?" Nick asked.

AJ and Katie nodded and Nick stood up to retrieve Joslin.  Kevin followed close behind to collect Jakob.  Everyone sat comfortably around the table, happily in conversation.

AJ finally called for everyone's attention, "I'm sure everyone is wondering why we've had you all over here?"

Everyone nodded, and Beth chimed in, "I've been trying to find that out all afternoon!"

"Your wait is over, we've got an announcement!" AJ exclaimed.

"You're pregnant again?" Nick laughed.

"No!" Katie growled, "I'm not flippin' pregnant!  Just listen!"

Nick raised his eyebrows, a little surprised at her reaction, but quietly waited.

"We've decided on a wedding date," Katie finally said.

"August twentieth.  Two years to the day we met," AJ added.

"Why did I agree to do this?" Katie groaned.

AJ grabed hold of her hands as she rushed past him.  He pulled her in front of him and looked into her eyes, "Babe relax.  It'll all be okay.  We made this commitment and we're keeping it.  I leave in...oh about five days.  It's now or never."

Katie nodded her head firmly, "Right.  We'll be fine.  We can get through this."  She was attempting to assure herself more than anything.

AJ let go of her hands and Katie went over tot he half-dressed babies on the floor.  They were quietly laying next to each other in their diapers.

The magazine people would be there any time now and Katie was not prepared.  Sure the living room was in good shape, but nothing else was ready.  The babies weren't dressed yet, and they would need to be fed soon.  The nursery had piles of both folded and un-folded clothes all over.  And the master bedroom...it wasn't that pretty either.  It wouldn't be a big deal, except for that little fact that the magazine had wanted to shoot photos in all three rooms.

"Are they writing an article, or a book?" Katie had laughed when she heard their requests.

She reluctantly agreed, now wishing that she hadn't.  Their time was running out before the magazine got to their house and Katie was sure things would end up in a mess.  She wasn't ready for this photo shoot, and she was even less ready for AJ to leave her for three months.

The twins were okay, so Katie rushed up the stairs to the twins' nursery.  She chose outfits for the twins to wear from the folded piles, then put the rest into the dressers.  She couldn't figure out which unfolded piles were dirty and which were clean-she needed a better system here!

"Babe!  Which ones are clean?" she called out the door of the nursery.

"I think...the ones next to the rocker!" he called back.

Katie frantically grabbed the pile near the rocker and stuffed it, still unfolded, into a dresser drawer.  She'd have to fix it later.  Then she grabbed the piles of dirty clothes and threw them down the stairs.

"Can you take care of those?" Katie yelled as she ran back down the hallway towards their master bedroom.

She stopped at the door, her mouth hanging open.  When had this gotten so bad?

"Closet," Katie muttered to herself, "They won't go in the closet."

She grabbed anything that was out of place and threw it into their walk-in closet, closing the door tightly to hide the mess.  She quickly stripped the sheets off of the bed and piled them on the floor.  She struggled with the clean sheets, but finally got them onto the bed.  She left the room with a smile, happy she had straightened everything before their guests arrived.

Katie grabbed the dirty sheets and the clean clothes for the babies and rushed back downstairs.

"Here we go, babe," Katie held out the clothes, "Can you get these-Hello."  Katie stopped short when she saw the photographers setting up in the living room.  She reached up to her hair, which had yet to be brushed, and she blushed.

AJ took the clothes and went over to the twins, "Sorry, I guess you didn't hear me."

"Guess not.  Excuse me," Katie turned immediately and ran back up the stairs.  She quickly ran a brush through her hair and changed her clothes.

By the time she got back downstairs, the babies were dressed, the photographers were set up and the reporter had arrived.

"Hey babe, this is Jenna," AJ nodded towards the other woman, introducing the women, "I'm going to grab the bottles?"  He had Jakob cradled in his arms as he turned to leave the room.

Katie nodded and went over to pick Joslin up from her spot on the floor.  The photographer quickly followed her over to shoot photos of her and the baby.  Katie tried to act naturally, but this wasn't normal for her.  This was the first time she'd been followed around by a photographer like this.  Sure she and AJ had been followed a little by paparazzi when they were out together, but this was different.  This photographer had been invited into their home.  This photographer had been given full permission to photograph them all.  This photrapher wasn't a member of the paparazzi.  It made Katie a little nervous.

"Who do you have there?" Jenna asked as she sat down on the arm chair next to the couch.

Katie sat down on the couch and got the baby situated, and then answered, "This beauty is Joslin Faith."

"She is beautiful," Jenna smiled, leaning in a little for a closer look.

AJ walked back into the living room then, Jakob resting happily against his shoulder and a bottle in each hand.  He handed a warmed bottle to Katie, then sat down next to her.  Katie slid the bottle into Joslin's mouth as AJ got Jakob situated and did the same.

Jenna sat back and watched the new family get situated.  She smiled at the sight before her.  The couple was sitting so close to each other, their bodies.  Jenna even thought she'd seen Katie lean into AJ when he'd gotten comfortable.  She loved the way the two looked at each other and at their babies.

"You both look so happy," Jenna commented.

Katie and AJ looked up at each other and smiled softly.  They exchanged a look of pure happiness and love, then turned to Jenna.

"Did you ever imagine that you'd be here a year ago?" Jenna started her questions, but it seemed more like they were having a conversation.

"A year ago?" AJ mused.  "Maybe.  If someone would have told me a year ago that I would be engaged and a father, I might've believed them.  Two years ago that would've been different.  I think at that point I would've called them crazy."

Katie laughed, "I wasn't sure Backstreet Boy AJ Mclean would ever get married and have kids!  It just doesn't fit with his persona.  But then I met him, I met Alex, and he's different.  AJ and Alex are two completely different people."

"Katie makes me want it all.  She makes me want to be settled and have my own little family."

"He's a natural," Katie smiled again and popped the bottle from Joslin's mouth.  She set the bottle aside and lifted the infant to her shoulder to burp her, "I don't know if I could have imagined being here...it's so surreal to think that I am marrying a Backstreet Boy, that I have given him children.  It's exactly where I want to be though.  He makes me happy, and I like to think I make him happy, too."

AJ nodded and pulled Jakob's bottle away to burp him as well.

"Did you ever expect you might have twins?  Do they run in the family?"

Katie shook her head, "No way!  It was a complete shock!"

AJ laughed, "We really thought the doctor was trying to play a joke on use actually!"

Jenna laughed, and continued her questions, "So they were natural?"

Katie froze for a minute, not entirely sure how to take that question.  She stiffly laid Joslin back in her arms and began to feed her the rest of the bottle.  The first thing that popped into her mind was that Jenna had implied that they couldn't have children without some sort of outside help.  That didn't sit well with Katie.  It's a personal question, not one that you'd just ask some random person with twins.  That question should have been on the off limits list.

AJ felt her tense at the question and he gently nudged her.  She needed to keep calm.  It wasn't that big of a deal.

"Completely natural," AJ simply stated as he laid Jakob back down to finish feeding him.

Jenna sensed the tension from that question and quickly moved on.  The magazine had assured AJ that they weren't intending on a sleazy gossip story.  They'd assured him they wouldn't delve deep into personal topics.  Jenna had every intention of following that.

The photographer continued snapping pictures of the family as Jenna continued her interview.

"A lot of people have been asking about your pregnancy Katie.  It was hard not to notice your lack of public appearances the last few months...was everything okay?"

Katie had known this question would come up, how could it not?  Again, it was personal, but you can't give an interview-that you invited-without going a little personal?  AJ and Katie had discussed how to answer the question.

"My doctor felt that being out and on my feet as often as I would have been would be too stressfull on the babies.  I was on bedrest...to keep everyone safe and healthy.  I was here at home, cheering on my Boys though."

"Did you have a smooth labor?"

"I think it was more difficult for me!" AJ laughed.

Katie glared at him playfully, nudging him gently with a smile.

"I just hated seeing her in the pain.  It was not something that I enjoyed."

"It was worth it though," Katie cooed at baby Joslin, who had fallen happily asleep in her arms having finished the bottle.

"They are gorgeous," Jenna smiled again, "And their names!  How did you choose their names?"

"Jakob James and Joslin Faith," AJ proudly said, "Fans should recognize James as my middle name.  Faith is Katie's middle name."

"Alex suggested it, instead of having an Alexander James Jr.  I liked it!" Katie elaborated.

"Katie had more say in their first names.  She had wanted something a little different.  Joslin isn't all that common."

Katie continued for him, "Jakob is a more common name, but I loved the different spelling.  They just fit together."

"So you intentionally connected their names?" Jenna questioned.

AJ nodded, "We wanted some kind of connection for them.  We had a lot of options, a lot of suggestions."

"They're two different people, but they're connected.  We didn't want rhyming names or anything too close like that, but we still wanted a connection.  A friend suggested the same first letter, and it just worked for us!" Katie finished.

Jenna nodded, seeming to like their answer.  Then she continued with her list of questions, "Do you have any help here at home with Jakob and Joslin?"

Katie shooke her head, "Not really.  I mean, our friends are really helpful.  They love to come over and see the babies, help out here and there."

"We don't' have any nannies or anything though," AJ stated.

"I didn't want someone else to be raising my babies.  I'm perfectly capable of being a mother.  I don't disagree with the help occassionally, I just don't need a nanny.  Alex is great, right there when we need him.  And our friends are always eager to help out if we need it.  We have all the help we need right here."

"So no nanny for the Boy's tour?  If I remember right you are not joining them Katie?"

"No, the babies are too young to be on the road like that.  It might be nice to fly out to see the Boys, but it's too much to be on the road at this point," Katie answered.

"How are you going to do it without AJ for...three months right?"

Katie groaned.  She honestly didn't know how she would do it!  Now she knew the feeling young moms with military husbands had.

"Katie is a great mom, she'll be great!  Plus, she has the girls," AJ assured.

Katie nodded, "Yeah, I'm close with Leighanne and Kristin.  They come over all the time now, so with the Boys being gone, I'm sure they'll be here even more!  We'll miss daddy, but we don't want to take him away from what he loves."

"Have you had the opportunity to get in any alone time?  Any dates before AJ leaves?"

"The babies are on a schedule, so we get in our alone time.  These last few weeks have been better.  We've actually been able to have dinner together most nights!" Katie grinned.

Jenna smiled at Katie's excitedness.  She then delved into the wedding topic, "How about wedding planning?  Has any of that alone time gone into that?"

Katie kind of shrugged, "Not really.  We've been focusing on getting through all of this before we get to the wedding."

"How do your families feel about that?"

"My mom thinks Katie is amazing.  She loves her.  She's not concerned about it all," AJ grinned.

"What about your parents, Katie?  What do they think of all of this?"

Katie didn't say anything for a minute.  AJ wasn't sure how this was going to play out.  It had never occurred to him that a question about her family might come up.

"I'm sure they love Alex.  They're watching over our little family from the sky and I know they would be happy," Katie finally answered.  AJ smiled, proud of her ability to form a great answer off the top of her head.

Satisfied with that, Jenna got to her last question, "Everyone wants to know out there, when is the third Backstreet Boy going to be officially taken?"

"He's already officially taken," AJ answered, receiving a grin from Katie, "We do have a wedding day set..."

Jenna waited for an elaboration, but when she didn't get one, she rephrased to get at least some kind of better answer, "So no surprise secret weddings before AJ leaves for tour?"

The two just laughed and shook their heads.

~September 25, 2003~

"I don't want you to go!" Katie sighed into AJ's chest, then changed her mind, "I don't mean that.  I know you have a job to do, a job you love.  I'm just...I'm going to miss you."

"I'm going to miss you, too, babe.  But I'll talk to you every night," he reminded her.

The sound of the car horn interrupted their tearful goodbye.  AJ turned to the waiting SUV in time to see Kevin scolding Nick.

"You've got to go..." Katie whispered.

"They'll kill me if we miss our flight," AJ squeezed Katie tightly against him once more.

She leaned up and softly pressed her lips to his, trying to hold the tears back, and let him go.  She watched him climb into the SUV and close the door.  This was going to be the longest three months ever.

Katie watched as the SUV began to move, waving to the Boys as their car left.  AJ turned and waved at her through the back window.  And then they were gone.

Katie let the tears flow.  She stood on the front steps of their house and cried.

The soft sounds of crying babies broke her from her tears.  Katie forced the tears away, wiped her face and returned to the house.

"Jakob is hungry, mama," Leighanne smiled at Katie as she walked in the door.

Katie just nodded and took Jakob from her, "How do you do it Leigh?"

"What?" Leighanne looked up from Joslin, a goofy grin on her face for the baby.

Katie sat down and began nursing Jakob, "Tour?  I mean, do you usually go with them?  I didn't think it would be this difficult...and he just left!  I can't do this!"

"Aww, hun, it's okay.  It will be okay.  I had a really hard time the first time Brian left, too.  I mean, I didn't have two babies...It got easier though."

"Really?  Because I might go crazy if it doesn't," Katie laughed through watery eyes.

"Hey, we get to do all the wedding planning we want, with no boys interrupting us!  We will have a blast, and before you know it, the guys will be home," Leighanne tried to reassure Katie.

Katie just nodded, not fully believing her friend.

"Okay, what about this one?" Denise held out a picture of a wedding cake.

AJ's mom, Leighanne, Beth and Kristin all sat around the living room, magazines, pictures and samples strewn about the room.

"Oooh, I like that one," Katie smiled and held the picture up for the other girls' opinions.

"So you've decided to definitely do it here?" Kristin asked as she flipped through a magazine of dresses.

"Yeah, Alex and I thought it would be more intimate, just our close friends and family, keep it more private," Katie answered, then turned back to Denise, "I think that cake, but I want some chocolate in there, not just white."

"Well I'll talk to the bakery then, see what we can whip up!" Denise smiled.

"What colors did you want?" Beth questioned, eyeing a bridesmaid's dress.

"I thought maybe black and white?  Very classic, elegant..."

"This dress would be perfect then," Beth pointed out a strapless knee-length dress.

"Hmm...I didn't think I'd consider a dress that was shorter.  I like the little belt thing with the rhinestone.  It gives it a little sparkle," Katie looked at the other ladies.

"Ooh yeah, that's really pretty.  That would look great on all of us!" Kristin laughed, the other girls laughing in agreement.

"We will definitely have to try that one on at the store next week!"

"Are you like most girls, picked out your wedding dress when you were five?" Denise asked with a smile.

Katie and Beth looked at each other and laughed.

"We used to play weddings when we were kids!" Beth squealed.

"Yeah, you always had to be the bride," Katie giggled.

"And you got to be the groom?" Leighanne smirked.

"Yeah right!" Katie exclaimed, "I refused, so we used to make one of the neighborhood boys do it!"

The two girls laughed hysterically at the memories.

"So...no childhood wedding dress?" Kristin asked again.

"Unless a mostly white Sunday church dress and a pillowcase count?  Not so much," Katie finally settled down enough to answer.  All five began to laugh at the picture of a pillowcase veil.

"How horrible would it be to skip the invitations?"

"Why?  If you don't have invitations, you might forget your wedding date!" Leighanne joked.

"Oh you hush.  I will not forget...okay fine.  I might forget.  But can you blame me?  I have two tiny human beings I have to take care of."

"You have to have invitations.  It's a nice keepsake," Denise reasoned.

"Yeah, you can make something simple.  A picture of you and Alex," Kristin suggested.

"You could see if the magazine would let you use pictures from the story," Beth added.

"Oh yeah!  That would be great!  Exchange a wedding exclusive for wedding invitation photos," Leighanne chimed in.

"I did look hot in those pictures!" Katie smiled, "Alright, but only because those were great pictures...and only if they let us use them!"

"Great, so we have a cake planned out, invitation ideas in the works, bridesmaid dresses...we're checking stuff off the list!" Denise listed off their accomplishments.

"Yeah, three things out of...how many?  Like four billion?" Katie groaned.

"Hey, at least you have 11 months to plan it all," Kristin reminded.

"That's long enough to have a baby and get your shape back before your wedding," Leighanne replied.

Katie grumbled at her, "I'm NOT having another baby!"

"I didn't mean you," Leighanne mumbled.

Katie knit her eyebrows in confusion.  Leighanne watched as her friends processed her words and smiled when she saw the lights turn on in their heads.

"You're pregnant?!?!" Kristin exclaimed.

Leighanne nodded, "We found out just before Jakob and Joslin were born.  We were waiting for the right time to tell everyone."

"Is that why your crazy ass volunteered to help me while the guys were gone?"

Leighanne nodded.  The mention of the babies must have set them off.  The sound of two crying babies came over the baby monitors.

"Naptime's over.  Ugh, I feel like a cow!" Katie laughed as she pushed herself up to go get the babies.

Leighanne stood as well, "I'll help you, I could use the practice."

Katie smiled at her friend, "Thanks.  And congratulations."