“Baby, wake up…” I was at my boyfriends house rather early today. I knew he had pulled another party scene without me around, so I knew I had to wake him up for his interview at three.
“What?” He said looking at me and trying to roll back over to ignore me. I took the blankets off him.
“You have an interview today dumbass, it’s at three and it’s almost ten already! You need to stop these parties baby.” He got out of bed and smiled at me.
“I will when you decide you want to join me.” He gave me a kiss on the lips.
“I will never join your stupid parties with random people I don’t know.” He put his arms around me and gave me another kiss.
“Alright then it’s your loss, they’re fun as hell.” He fixed his boxers and walked out to the kitchen as he ran his fingers through his now longer hair. “Did you make the coffee yet?”
“No, was I supposed to?” He looked behind him and just smiled at me.
“No, I was just asking beautiful.” I laughed.
“You’re so damn good with the charm thing.”

He and I have been seeing each other since I was 17, and he was 20. I was surprised my mom let me anywhere near him. He is in the group called The Backstreet Boys and recently they’ve taken the best turn for their lives…They’re now famous all across the planet. I’m now 19 and he’s 23.

“I try to be, you know that…” He leaned against the counter and opened his arms. I walked into them and he hugged me and took a deep breath in. “You smell so good baby-girl.”
“Why thank you sweetie. I like hearing that.”
“Good, then I’ll keep telling you.” I smiled as I let go of him.

He fixed the coffee and I sat at the kitchen table. I look around at it, covered with beer cans and bottles. I put my head in my hand and just thought. I loved this man, and he was throwing more than half his nights away to these parties with people he doesn’t even know…He could be hanging out with me or something, but no…He’s here.

“What are you thinking about baby-girl?” He said sitting at the table next to me with two cups of coffee.
“Your parties.”
“Uh-Oh, here we go…” He said laughing a little.
“Babe, it’s not funny. Something could really happen to you at these parties! I mean they’re people you don’t know…What if someone steals from you, or tries to hurt you?”
“Baby, I have Marcus and Raul around at them, he keeps a close eye on them for me.”
“That’s not good enough, I think you should stop partying so much. You could spend some time with me you know.” He took my hand and just looked at me.
“I would love to spend more time with you. All you had to do was ask me.” I smiled.
“Do you promise to at least limit how many parties you have in a week, like maybe two a week?”
“I can do that, two a week sounds fine.” He kissed my hand and then kissed my cheek. We drank our coffee and he got ready for the interview, then we took his car over to the hotel all the boys were supposed to meet at. As soon as Alex and I step out of the car, paparazzi swarm us. He put his hand out to back them up and away from me. I didn’t care for them half the time, but when they swarmed us like that it was hard to even know who was standing next to me. Marcus and Raul cut in (they are his own bodyguards) and then dispersed them from us. AJ clasped my hand and kissed the side of my head and we walked in to meet the other boys. I saw Howie and smiled at him. I gave him a big hug. He was probably my best friend of the group. We had a lot in common and we talk almost all the time. Sometimes AJ worried about it.

“Ok, now that all you boys are here, I have some things to say before we go across the street to the radio show.” Johnny their manager said to them. “No messing around like usual, this is one of those shows that just doesn’t like that.” AJ ripped me around from Howie.
“What was that?” He whispered to me as Johnny was speaking.

“What was what?” I asked him.
“You running to Howie? Like you never see him?”
“I didn’t run to him, and who are you to tell me who I can and can’t see?”
“Well I’d expect that you’d HONOR the guy who has been with you for 3 years a little better.” I looked at him.
“Excuse me?”
“You heard me, damn good and well.” I faced him.
“You must be going crazy!” I yelled. Everyone looked at us.

“Is there a problem back there?” Johnny asked. I looked at him.
“Oh, no sorry.”
“Can I finish, Mary?” I nodded.
“Yeah, yeah go ahead.” I gave him one of my famous smiles and he just smiled and continued.

“I am NOT going crazy. I’m sick of you always running toward him whenever we’re in the same room as him. I mean it’s everytime.”
“I hardly get to see him, we’re really good friends Alex.”
“Well, that’s fine and all, but can you stop running toward him like that, it makes me look really bad.”
“I don’t care what makes you look bad, I am your girlfriend Alexander James. And I will do as I please!”
“Then I don’t think you and I should see each other anymore.” He looked at me with stern eyes, the harshest things I have ever seen in my life. My heart skipped a beat and I couldn’t catch a breath. I looked at him, to the ground, and then back at him, and then walked away towards the doors bawling.

“What did you do to her AJ?” I heard Howie yell at him before I left the doors. The paparazzi flooded me with questions on what I was crying, but I ignored them.
“Mary! Mary!” I turned around and there was Howie. He ran to me and hugged me. “What did he do to you?” He grabbed my face and wiped away a couple of tears. I could hardly breathe to answer him.

“He…He…He broke up with me…” His eyes widened a little and pulled me into a hug. Paparazzi were feeding off this moment.
“Why?” He asked me.
“Because everytime I’d see you, I’d run to give you a hug…” Howie laughed.
“He’s such an idiot…You need to come back in and just chill with the other boys and I.”
“I don’t want to…I can’t face him.” I shook my head.
“Mary, you NEED to come back in, you have no where to go here.” I sighed and agreed and he walked me back inside.

“Didn’t take you long to fall into his arms huh Mary?” AJ said to me.
“AJ you need to shut up! You left her for the stupidest reason in America. How can you do that to her? Just because her and I are friends!”

“AJ did you really leave her because she’s friends with Howie?” Brian asked holding his girlfriend of 3 years as well, Leighanne.
“Brian, I don’t need you to get in this ok. All of you need to leave me alone!” AJ yelled. I walked away from Howie and up to AJ and slapped him across the face and took his arm and dragged him into the bathroom.

“You need a big dose of reality. These are your bandmates and you SHOULD never talk to them like that again!”
“Whatever, I don’t have to listen to you…”
“What is wrong with you?” My face just, I knew looked so sad. He sighed…
“I don’t know.” He leaned against the wall of the bathroom and slid down to the floor. I sat down next to him. “I’m afraid of losing you to him, so I’m trying to let you go now.” I stared at him.
“That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard. If I haven’t left you by now, do you think I’m going to?” He smiled at me and put his arm around me.
“I guess not. I’m really sorry for everything I said out there… you know?” I gave him a kiss.
“It’s ok, I forgive you. I couldn’t be without you now. I’ve had you for way to long.”
“Thank you…” He held me for a little bit and kissed the top of my head. I wrapped my arms around him like it would have been the last time…If only the night told a better story…


LATER THAT NIGHT

“Where’s AJ?” I said almost yelling at my friend Sarah who came to a party with me and the boys.
“I don’t know.” She said back. The music was blasting and finally a space clears on the floor and I see AJ sitting at the bar. I smile a little and shove my way through the crowd to get to him. He was ordering another drink. He smiled at me.

“Hey baby…” He looked at me with his shades on and no smile. His face was empty.
“Are you ok?”
“I’m…fine.” He said with a little hiccup. The bartender came back and I told him to take them away, AJ went to reach for it and the bartender walked away with them in hand. “HEY!” He said. “I’M PAYING FOR THAT! BRING IT HERE!”
“Alex, you don’t need another one, you’re plenty drunk!”
“I just need another shot of JD.”
“No, no more…” He looked at me again.
“I’m sorry, I don’t tell you what to drink.” I sighed and walked away. I told Sarah I was going to catch a cab and head back to Alex’s place. She smiled and nodded, but she came with me.

“So where is he?” She asked me.
“He’s uh…Drinking.” I waved a cab with one hand and none stopped.
“Bad?” Sarah has been my best friend for a long time and I tell her just about anything…
“Worse. He’s getting worse that is.” I sat on the curb and put my head in my hands.
“Oh…Girl. You deserve better.”
“No, I deserve Alex. The man I fell in love with from the moment I laid eyes on him…Not AJ, the guy who gets a million girls screaming his name everywhere he goes.” I looked at Sarah and out the corner of my eye I see AJ walk out of the club, kind of stumbling but not bad. He was walking ok… I got up and walked to him.

“HEY!” He put his arm around me. “You look pretty hot tonight…Feel like fuckin’ tonight?” I just looked at him.
“Not really.”
“Party-pooper.” He let go of me and walked back into the club. I held my head down and just looked at my shoes. I scuffed the ground a little bit and looked up and hitched a cab back to AJ’s house.

I laid on the couch when I got there and just thought. I fell to that part of sleep where you are sleeping but you’re aware of what is around you…And I heard the front door open. I opened my eyes and looked at the clock on the table…It read 3:30am. I heard the door shut and the lights turned on. I twitched at the sudden scene change. I sat up and ran my fingers through my hair and AJ just kind of stood there and looked at me.

“How did you…?” He slightly pointed at me and then waved it all away and continued to walk to his room. I got up and followed him.
“You need to stop this excessive drinking, you know you’re getting worse Alex.” He laughed as he took his pants and shirt off, along with his sunglasses. His eyes were red and kind of puffy. He walked into the mirror and looked at himself.
“Nah, I kind of like how it makes me look.” I laughed.
“Sick? Ugly? You like looking like that?”
“I’m ugly to you?” He looked at me in the mirror. I folded my arms and leaned against the door frame.
“Right now, yes. You look awful.”
“I thought true love knew no looks.”
“Whatever, you need to quit drinking, you’re killing yourself!”
“Mary, what do you know? You’re not even allowed to drink!”
“I know what it does to people, and you’re not the same man I fell in love with…Lately you’re some guy to hang around and make sure he doesn’t kill himself.” He gazed into the mirror. Almost examining his whole body and outlook on himself.
“Why don’t I see it then?” He asked sounding with little remorse. I walked up behind him and put my arms around him.
“Because…You’re letting the alcohol speak for you now. You’re so beautiful…” I touched his abs and ran my fingers up his body. I kissed his neck and I looked in the mirror and he smiled at me and turned around and hugged me.
“Will you stay tonight? I don’t want to be without you right now.” I nodded.
“I will stay whenever you want me to…I love you and I’m here for you all the time. I just need you to talk to me about your problems, not try and drink them away…” He kissed me.
“God, I love you too.”
“Let’s go to sleep ok?” He nodded and crawled into bed. I went into his bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror.

Why? Look at you. You’re running yourself in the ground for a man who just doesn’t want your help. Here you are staying up at all hours just to make sure he is ALIVE! This isn’t right.

While thinking to myself I looked at my bottle of perfume sitting on the counter that I had left here from last time I was here, the cap was off. I never left the cap off of it because it was my all-time favorite perfume. I changed into some boxers I had pulled from AJ’s drawer before entering the bathroom, and I walked out. He looked at me as he was curled under his covers.

“Why is the cap off my perfume?” I asked him pointing back to the bathroom smiling at him.
“I like to smell it when you aren’t around.” I grinned and crawled in bed next to him and hugged him.
“That is the sweetest thing I have ever heard.” He turned around and turned the lamp off. Within the pitch black I could make out his face not far from mine. I ran my fingers through his hair and he drifted asleep. The moments like this made me love him all over again.

Now I know why…Because he was still Alex under all the pressure he has to be a rebel. You love him and you know it. He is everything you ever needed in a guy…

I kissed him as he was asleep and fell asleep myself.

THE NEXT MORNING

I felt an arm go over my side and felt him kiss the back of my neck.

“Baby…” He whispered. “I love you…” He said to me still whispering. “I’ll be back later.” I heard him leave and I jolted out of bed, but when I left the room and entered the hallway to the living room the front door shut. I ran to it and swung it open but he and his car was already out of the driveway. I stopped and put my hand on the door frame watching his car turn the corner…I knew he was going to go drink. He always did real early in the morning, or real late at night. My heart told me to trust him this time, and hope he really listened to me last night. So I did what I usually did alone at Alex’s house. I changed into my swimsuit and swam in his backyard with his dogs.

I hit the water as I dived in and all my problems seemed to vanish. Swimming was always a good outlet for me. His dog Daisy jumped in with me and I laughed as she swam up to me. I pet her and swam to the steps into the pool. I sat on the second one up. I tightened my draw string and looked around. Vegas walked into the water and I smiled at her. She was a cute little thing. I remember the day AJ got her, it was love at first sight. All of Alex’s dogs loved me, I was always here and I always took care of them for him when he was away.

I heard a car pull into the driveway and I walked to the big brown gate and opened it. I fixed the bottom of my bikini and looked in the car I didn’t recognize. But Brian and his girlfriend Leighanne got out. I laughed.

“I didn’t recognize this car, is it new?” I asked Brian as I gave him a little hug, along with Leighanne.
“Yeah just got it yesterday. Nice isn’t it?” He said touching the hood.

“He’s very proud of it…” Leighanne said smiling.
“I bet, it’s nice. Uhm, Alex isn’t here.”
“Where’d he go this early in the morning?” I shrugged my shoulders.
“He just kissed me good-bye and left.”

“Well, let’s go inside…” Brian said leading Leighanne in front of him and I followed. We all walked in and I changed back into some regular clothes. “How long has he been gone?” He asked me as I walked down the hallway to them.
“Not to long, an hour or so…” I sat down on the couch and Vegas jumped up into my lap and sat down.
“Oh, well I’m sure he’ll… There he is.” He stood up and looked out the window and so did I. We saw him get out and look at Brian’s car kind of confused, but then he continued to walk to the front door, and walked in.
“Mary! Who’s car is…!” He stopped asking when he saw Brian and Leighanne. “Nevermind.” He walked over to Brian and gave him a solid handshake, that’s how he has always greeted the boys. And he leaned over and gave Leighanne a hug. He was carrying a small bag, but it had no label on it.

“What is that Alex?” I asked about the bag.
“Something for you…but I’ll give it to you later…” He gave me a kiss on the forehead and walked back to his room.

“At least he didn’t drink…” I nodded and sighed in relief.
“I’m so happy…I think he really wants to change!” I smiled at Brian and Leighanne and they returned one. Brian and Leighanne hardly ever fought and it seemed like Alex and I got into it every other day. One day would be horrible and the next he would shower me with gifts, and it’d start all over again.
“Let’s hope, huh?” Leighanne said patting my back, and AJ walked back out with a smile on his face and sat down next to me and fixed my hair so it was off my neck. I loved it when he would play with my hair. It was sincere to me.

“What are you guys doing here?” He asked.
“I wanted to show off my new car…” Leighanne laughed and rolled her eyes.

“He won’t stop talking about how gorgeous it is, I’m beginning to wonder if he loves that car more than me!” We all laughed.
“I could never love a car more than…Well.” He laughed. “Just kidding baby, you’re my only.” He took her hand and kissed it.
“Good, that’s how I like it.” She tapped his hand gently as he held hers. I envied their kind of love, it was sincere and general, nothing more. They loved each other dearly and it always read over their faces when they would just stand next to each other. I had never seen anything so beautiful in my life. They were truly perfect. I looked at Alex, but I smiled. I was sad inside. Things weren’t the same anymore…Not after what happened with the whole Howie thing at the hotel. I loved Howie, but just not like AJ thought I did. He was to stubborn to tell that to though. Nothing gets through to him.
“How about we leave these two alone now huh Leigh? Let’s go rub this nice car in Nick’s face.” Brian said standing up, Leigh followed. I walked them to the door and waved them goodbye. I shut the door and turned and looked at AJ still sitting on the couch, facing the TV, not looking at me. I walked to the bathroom and locked the door. I leaned over the sink and stared into the drain… Then it fell. That single tear I had never felt coming. I was sad, my life was sad. My heart sank and so did I along with it. I had to tell Alex what was going on. I opened the door and he stood waiting for me. His arms folded, legs crossed, leaned against the opposite wall. He looked up at me and opened his arms and walked towards me. He gave me a big hug.

“I know you’re sad. I want to change, for you.” He whispered in my ear. The tears just poured out of my eyes and it was uncontrollable. We walked into his bedroom and he sat down on the bed and myself next to him and he still held me as I cried. “Ssh. It’s ok…” He kissed the side of my head and held me closer. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” He choked up a bit. “I didn’t want to ever hurt you, you know that.” I felt his tear hit the tip of my ear. I looked at him. I wiped the tears he had away and kissed his cheek.
“I love you so much and I can’t watch you kill yourself anymore, you need help Alex.” He nodded and pulled me into another hug.
“I know…but not right now. Not while the band is so big, I can’t do that to them yet.” I was reluctant to agree, but did anyway. I felt that he wanted to change, but he’s said change before…

A COUPLE HOURS LATER

Alex and I are finally going to spend some time together, shopping and lunch.

“I want to go in here.” I said tugging on Alex’s sleeve and pointing to Forever 21. He smiled and caved in. He’s not prone to these kinds of stores. We walked in and the girls all smiled and greeted us, go figure. I wonder why, so one walks up.
“I’m sorry, aren’t you AJ McLean, from the Backstreet Boys?” She asks with a huge grin, I let go of his arm so he can chat with her and I look at the jewelry stand. And the other girl comes up to me.

“Sorry about my friend, she’s obsessed with them.” She said laughing.
“Oh, it’s ok. I’m used to it, I’ve been with him or 3 years now.” She looked shocked.
“Wow, I don’t know how you do it, I mean there’s a lot of girls after his ass, mind my language…” I chuckled at how she was actually interested in what I had to say about my life right now.
“It’s really hard, a lot of girls well…grab him where they shouldn’t and they clobber him whenever they see his arm.” She fixed the rack of earrings and put everything back where it should be, and looked at me and leaned against the rack.
“Wow, that would be hard for me, so I admire your whole attitude about it. Is he a good guy though?” I felt my eyes roll around in my head, and out popped those lies.
“He’s fabulous, we hardly ever fight.” It’s necessary to lie to people about these sorts of things. They have no right to know everything about me.
“Awe, that is so good! I’m happy for you then, well if you guys need any help you can ask me of Janice over there…” She said laughing a little and pointing to Janice with AJ, who looked over her shoulder and winked at me. He finally was doing being asked a million questions and walked over to me and put his arm around me.

“Found anything, baby?” I pointed to a necklace, it was a bright red rose on a long silver chain. The chain looked worn out and old, it was neat looking. He picked it up and looked at it more and nodded at it. “I like this…” He handed it to me and I smiled at him. “Let’s hurry up, I want to give you that gift I brought home earlier…remember?” I looked at him and smiled.
“Ok. Well just let me buy this and we can head back.” I put the necklace on the counter and reached in my purse to get my wallet, and Alex stopped me and pulled his out of his back pocket and grabbed a ten dollar bill, and paid for it. The girl who was in love with him gave him the change back and smiled wide at him. We left and got in his car and headed back to his place. We opened the door and I set my bags on the floor and he jogged a little to his room and brought the little baggy back out. I sat on the bar stool in the kitchen and he was on the other side of the counter. He took out a little box and I was afraid for a second. He opened it and inside was a ring.
“Don’t worry…” He said putting his hand on mine. “I’m not proposing…” We both laughed and I sighed in relief, I don’t think we’re ready for that. Not with all of our problems now. “This is a promise ring. I promise to always be your man, and I promise to forever treat you right, and I promise to not cause you anymore pain than you have already suffered with me.” He looked me in the eyes and took the ring out of the box, took my left hand and put the ring on my ring finger.

COUPLE MORE HOURS LATER

I seem to be in this position a lot, head in my hands, just thinking. I hear him shuffling across the floor and open the basement door and walk down a little and shut it. He was probably going to his little studio room he had put it down there. When he is here, he spends a lot of time down there working on a separate project than just The Backstreet Boys. I got up and walked to the door and opened it and walked down. And I was right, he was singing away in the sound proof studio. I opened the studio door and let his voice overtake me. I sat in one of the big comfy leather chairs he had down here. He was pouring his little heart out into this one microphone. He obviously had the transparent mirror off. I listened to him awhile longer. He was truly gifted with singing, and I was proud of him for being so devoted to it. I loved how every time he would sing, the words almost stuck to his lips and he meant every word that comes out of his mouth. It all seemed so believable. I loved when he’d clench his shirt in his hand as he’d sing a little higher, and I loved…Well more than anything I loved how when he’d look you in the eyes while he sang, those words were for you, and NO ONE else. I turned the mirror on and he looked right to me, and smiled and told me to cut the track off, so I did. He put the headphones on the hook and walked back out and walked over to me.

“Aw, did you hear any of that?” He said to me.
“I heard some, and then I realized it was about me…” I hit him. “You big jerk why didn’t you tell me there was a song about me in your head?” I laughed.
“I wanted it to be something special for you…For tomorrow night.” I looked at him kind of funny. “I guess I can tell you.”
“Tell me what?” He had me sit in the chair I had been sitting in anyway. He sat in the other. He scooted it a little closer to me and grabbed my hands. Uh-Oh.
“I love you.”
“I love you too, what?”
“No, that’s it. I love you, and I wouldn’t want to see my World without you. I would love to get married to you, do you know that?” I put my other hand on my face. “What? What’s wrong?” He took my hand away from my face.
“I’m not ready for that, not with you yet.” He let go of my hands.
“Why not?” He stood up.
“Alex, you just told me you weren’t proposing to me! Now you are?” I stood up too and threw my arms around.
“I would at least think you would consider it! After all I just promised you!”
“AJ…there’s thing we need to solve in our relationship before we even think about getting married!” He was quiet. “I’m sick of fighting with you. I’m so, so sick of this! Call me when you are man enough to have a regular conversation with me.” I threw the ring he gave me at him and ran upstairs and got my shit, and left the house. I got in my car and turned it on. Suddenly my purse was vibrating with the words: “I love you baby.” Coming out of it. It was AJ’s personal ringer he set for when he’d call. I sent it straight to voicemail, there wasn’t any way in hell he thought that fast. I left the driveway and went back to my apartment.

FOUR YEARS LATER

The boys broke up the next year, AJ checked himself into rehab and has been sober now for 3 years. I haven’t spoken to him in that long either. I am still friends with the other boys and their girlfriends and wives…Yes, wives. Kevin and Brian got married to their longtime girlfriends, Kristin, and Leighanne. I went to the weddings as a bridesmaid and avoided AJ at all costs. Simple smiles were exchanged. It was hard to face the man I dated for so long and then quit him cold turkey. My stomach would go all up and down at the site of him. But, something happened…They were together again, making music. This time, AJ is 27 now and I’m 23. Things about us both have changed. He’s still so handsome and tall. His tattoo collection has grown rapidly and he is even working on that solo album he’s been dealing with for years now. I’m now a singer myself and I just finished my last tour date of my World tour. I was dating a longtime friend since freshman year in high school, he shall remain nameless. We’re still friends, but we’re better off not dating. The day of fate came, starting in my mailbox.

“Mary, here’s your mail!” My manager said coming into my own NEW house. I like making my own money instead of having the rich boyfriend to do it for me. My manager is not only my manager, she is my best friend. I adore her.
“Thank you!” I said taking it from her hands. She grabbed herself a diet coke from the fridge. I came to a brown envelope that said: “Urgent RSVP needed.” I opened it and found two VIP tickets to a softball game in Chicago where I am living now. The event was for The Backstreet Boys new tour NEVER GONE. Their new CD released a couple weeks ago, I even bought myself a copy. It was different, but I liked it none-the-less. I laughed. “He’ll never stop…” I said holding the tickets to show Lisa, my manager.
“Oh you’re kidding me!” She grabbed them and looked at them. “Hasn’t he moved on?” I shrugged. “I mean, I thought he was dating that girl that was on tour with him…Kaci Brown?” I laughed.
“Yeah, we all knew she would last so long, a 27 year old can’t date a 17 year old.” We shared a laugh together. I got the number and dialed the number on the back of the passes.

“JIVE/ZOMBA manager, Johnny Wright.” I was shocked.
“I thought they fired your old ass…” I said laughing. You see, before the boys broke up Johnny ended up managing a new boy band named; ‘*NSYNC’. The boys were furious how big they got. They ended up firing Johnny for not paying attention to them anymore, soon after…They broke up due to AJ’s rebellious life. It was actually AJ who quit the band first, go figure.
“Mary is that you?!” He asked excited.
“Of course it is!”
“EXCELLENT! Did you get the passes? The boys are really hoping you come this time! Since it’s in your area!”
“I will go; I’m bringing Lisa my manager ok?”
“Perfect! We’ll see you in two days!” I looked at the date.
“Wow, that’s soon, but ok!” We hung up with each other.

TWO DAYS LATER (arriving at the event)

“You didn’t tell me Simple Plan was going to be here!” I said entering the dugout entrance to see Johnny there. He gave me a huge hug, one I hadn’t been accompanied to since I last saw them all.
“Last minute change…”

“DO I HEAR HER?” Leighanne and Kristin said simultaneously coming out. “AHH!” They said again running to me and about tackling me.

“It’s been so long, Mary!” Leighanne said.
“Since your guys’ weddings, I know! I’m so sorry; my tour lasted a year and some days! I’ve been really busy!” I hugged them again tears coming out a little.

“Well we missed you a lot! You’ve gotten so grown up!” Kristin said checking me out. I laughed. Brian, Nick, Kevin, and Howie all came out. They were all just as shocked. Howie was the only one I still talked to on the phone about once a month. But I hadn’t seen him since the weddings. I hugged them all and gave them kisses and such. They told me AJ didn’t want to come out and my heart sunk. They told me where he was and I went to go find him. I opened the door to see him sitting on the couch; he looked at me and stood up. He put his hands in his pockets.

“You didn’t want to see me?” I asked walking to him. Those six words were the most I’ve said to him in so long…He choked up a bit.
“I didn’t know if you wanted to see me was the problem.”
“I don’t hate you…I needed time AJ.” He put his head down.
“Three years worth…” He said slowly with his head still down. “You moved on without a skip of a heartbeat, I dated one girl in 3 years for like 3 months. You dated one guy, for nearly 2 years. I wasn’t anything to you anymore.” He said getting angry with me. I got closer, leaving the gap between us at a foot.
“I wanted to forget you, everything you did to us, to me. It wasn’t worth crying over anymore, but I thought of you every day I was with another guy.” He teared up. He wore eyeliner now and it was running. I wiped it away to fix it. “Stop…” I hugged him. It took him a second but he slowly wrapped his arms around me and held me close and tight. It felt good to feel him again. I took a deep breath in and out. “I missed you, more than anything in my life, I missed you.” I couldn’t believe how strong I was to face him. To not cry…
“I missed you too. You were my life, my all. When you left, I had nothing. I got into drugs.” I hadn’t heard that.
“You did what?”
“I did cocaine.” He looked at me. My eyes must have been bugged out of my head.
“Why? Why would you do that?” I asked him holding his arms in my hands.
“It helped me forget about you sometimes.” That’s when I cried. He wiped mine away this time.
“I’m so sorry, I’m so, so sorry.” I hugged him again and kissed his cheek. “But I’m so happy you’re clean and safe and happy now. You look so good…” I said releasing him. I touched his new tattoos.
“I don’t look half as good as you though.” He had me do a spin. “You’ve gotten so grown up.”
“That’s what everyone is telling me.” He smiled at me. It was a smile I needed to see. It made me feel good. We walked out together, arm in arm. Everyone looked at us and clapped, for no reason. I told them all to shut up. This caused a riot in laughter.

“Mary, will you sing the national anthem, no one knows your here and since you gathered the largest crowd here in Chicago when you came here, it’d be good for you.” Johnny said, Lisa nodded. I agreed and stepped out on the field. Screams, and claps and everything were going on around me. I faced the crowds of people waiting to see Simple Plan and The Backstreet Boys come out.

“Hi everyone!” I said to them into the microphone. They greeted me back with a hi. “Today, I am here to sing the National Anthem for you…First can we get the teams out on the field on cue? Simple Plan, please take to the right of me!” They came out from their dugout and everyone who was there for them clapped and cheered them on. “Now, for those who love this next team, I am here to tell you it’s been 3 years since I’ve seen this boy band, and boy have I missed them! If you don’t know I used to date AJ.” Girls went crazy! Whether it was hate or love, they knew me. “So without further a due, BACKSTREET BOYS TAKE TO THE LEFT OF ME!” The whole place freaked out as they came out together taking their bows and blowing kisses. AJ ran up to me and hugged me again and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I smiled at him and he went back to the others. I did my job and sang the national anthem for them all; it was good to do it. Everyone clapped and cheered as I left and everyone got off the field, Simple Plan took the field. The boys were up first to bat, and Kevin hit the plate first. I sat down next to Lisa and AJ sat down next to me. It was good to have him back, he truly was different. How he carried himself, everything. His smile was even different; it was more bright and vibrant than I remember it. He was talking to Brian on the other side of him and I took his hand in mine. He stopped and looked at our hands and then to me. He laughed and leaned in and gave me a kiss. It was the best thing that could have happened to me. Everyone wooed and awed at us kissing. We stopped and he put his forehead against mine and just smiled at me.

“Time to start over, eh?” I laughed and agreed. I couldn’t believe after 3 years of not speaking and suddenly seeing each other again got us to be together again. It’s strange how God does his deeds. We continued to hold hands until he had to go bat. Johnny walked up to me and asked me if I wanted a jersey and to participate.

“Is it really fair to give the boys such an amazing advantage?” Nick laughed. “You don’t think I can hit it better and farther than you, Nick?” He shook his head.
“No way.”
“You’re on!” Get me a jersey Johnny.” Johnny handed me one and I slid it on over my t-shirt. “Who’s gonna measure distance?”

“We can get someone I bet…” Soon before Nick and I knew it, the contest was announced over the intercom. It was soon time to take a break and do the little show. Each of us got to hit 3 times. Nick did his three first. All the boys were out on the field. AJ stood behind me with his hands on my hips rocking me back and forth. All of Nick’s reached really nice distances, one almost clearing the fence. It was then my turn. Nick and I did a little fake fight as he and I exchanged places that got the fans all riled up. Nick pounded fists with all the boys, Nick is 24 now and he is still a big kid. My first hit was nearly pathetic, only getting a little farther than Nick’s first hit, which was a little past second base. My second one blew people away getting closer to the fence. My third not only cleared the fence, it dominated out past it. I brushed off my shoulder and the announcer guy had a good time cracking jokes and stuff. I set the bat down and stuck my tongue out at Nick. I walked up to AJ and hugged and kissed him. He was happy to have me; I could see it on his face. He seemed more appreciative of having me. He picked up and spun me around a little. I held the back of his neck and brought him into me. I grabbed his pant loops and dragged him off the field, fans of his were furious he’d been single for a long time, and the fans who thought they could have him, probably wanted to kill me for coming back into his life.

AFTER THE GAME

“Where are you staying tonight?” I asked AJ as we left holding hands, Lisa following on her cellphone talking to my producers about the game and how many great pictures she took for the website. Everything I did now was for charity or for promotion. We walked up to he and the guys’ limo.
“Some hotel, why?”
“I live here now silly man, you can stay with me in my house…”
“You have your own place now?”
“I do, and it’s a house, not an apartment anymore…Since singing and everything I make my own good bucks.” He smiled at me and pulled me into him.
“I’m really happy you want to be with me, Mary.” He kissed me. “I’m not the same man without you.”
“I love you, nothing will change that ok?”
“I love you too.” I hugged him and stood there with my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes. I loved having someone. But more than that, I loved having him to be my someone.
“Want me to leave with you?” He asked.
“If you don’t need to do anything else with the boys.”
“They’ll call me if they do.” He leaned in and told the boys he was leaving with me. They were happy, which made me happy. He took my hand and shut the door and we all went back to my car. Lisa sat in back still talking on the phone. We got to my place and got out. Lisa, still on her phone, got in her car left with a good-bye wave to us. She didn’t really like AJ. He looked at my house. “You know…” I unlocked the house and we walked in. “Oh my God. It looks just like our…” He faced me. “old house.” I nodded. I put my hands in my back pockets. I had it made that way. Everything is pretty much the same, from the bar stools to the direction of rooms. The night before I had this made I had dreams about it, I needed to be somewhere I knew was safe, and safe for me, was our old place.” He smiled.
“It’s a little different decorating though…”
“I heard your taste changed, are you gothic style now, like I read in a magazine.” He nodded.
“I am indeed, it’s a better taste and style I think. And plus it’s always been something I liked.” I laughed.
“Sure.”
“So, what’s been going on for the three years we didn’t talk?” I looked at him and cocked my head to the left and spun around to follow it. I walked down the hallway and he followed. The room that would have been his in the old house was now mine. He walked in and smiled wide. It wasn’t the same, everything was in different places, but there was a mirror on the wall in the same place as it was in his room. I stared in it and looked at him.
“Do you remember that conversation we had in front of your mirror that one night?” He thought for a minute.
“Vaguely.” He walked up behind me. I took his shirt off and pants, he was stunned. I put him in front of the mirror and stood behind him. He looked in the mirror and looked down. “I do now, I’m sorry.” I handed him his pants and shirt. He put them back on.
“Nearly every day I have looked in this mirror and thought about that moment in time. You were helpless and needed me. You didn’t want help, but you wanted me.” I touched the glass that reflected my image. “The reflection has changed a little for us, but I see that moment in a clear image. I wanted to help you; I wanted to be there for you. It’s killed me knowing I wasn’t there for you when I should have been.” I turned and faced him.
“It’s ok. Somehow I think it was better you weren’t there you know? I didn’t want you to see me the way I was when I was in rehab and getting out of all that stuff. I didn’t want you there when I left the band either, you loved the band and if you had been there the day I left, you would have been so disappointed in me, and that was the last thing I needed.” I took his hand.
“There’s something I want to show you.” We walked out to the kitchen and I opened the familiar basement door. We walked down the stairs and turned to the right, there was a studio, a little bigger than the one he had, but he gazed and smiled at it just the same way he had done to his old one. “What happened to your old house?” I asked him.
“I sold it…There were too many memories in there for me. I moved out a few weeks after you left. My mom told me to do it, I was in there day in and day out not moving, not doing anything, not going anywhere. You left your perfume.” I laughed and choked up. “I must have smelt it every day. When you hugged me today, you smelt different than what I was used to.” I went into the bathroom upstairs and brought out the little jar of perfume I loved for him. He took it and grinned, he smelt it. And put some on me. “That’s the you I remember…”

LATER THAT NIGHT

It’s been good for me to see the person I’ve missed most in my life. It’s been like old times, when we were friends at least, before we dated. We took wild and crazy pictures together. Since we last spoke, a lot has changed in the World. Including…the web. I had myspace and so did he.

“You never thought that you should ADD ME?” I asked kicking him as we sat on the couch, him on one side and me on the other. We were just talking.
“Not really, did you add me?” He kicked me back.
“Touché…” We smiled at each other. “Let’s get on there then.” He agreed and we both stood up and we went to my study. Technically, I don’t study in there, that’s just the proper name I guess. He sat down in front of the computer and looked around.
“Nice webcam.” He said looking at it.
“Thank you.”
“Do you use it?” I shook my head.
“No, not really.” He poked it. “You’re an idiot, I said hugging him from behind and kissing his neck.
“I try.” He logged onto his myspace and he had new everything. Mr. Popular boyband member.
“You should write back to someone, they take their time to write you things.” He looked at me.
“Do you write anyone back?” I nodded.
“I really do try to, I write about 20 comments, 10 messages and sometimes I throw in a picture comment.” He raised his eyebrows.
“I’ll do it to someone later I guess.” I grabbed a chair and sat down next to him. He gave me a kiss. I plugged in my digital camera and the computer downloaded them. AJ messed around with them in my photoshop program. Then he uploaded them to a whole new album he titled: “She’s Back.” This made me smile so wide, I thought my jaw would stay that way. I’ve smiled so much with him today, it’s nearly unbelievable. My cellphone rang and I answered it because it was Lisa.

“Hello?” I said standing up.
“Mary, tomorrow you have a concert.”
“What? No, Lisa, I’m going to spend some time to myself.”
“You mean with AJ? Look, you have a different life. Just because he walks back into doesn’t mean everything needs to get thrown away too. If I had done this a couple days ago, you would take it.” I put my hand on my hip, which is something I do when I’m mad.
“Shut-up Lisa! Look, I am happy with the time I am spending with AJ! I would have taken it because I had no other fucking life! My life has been consumed by some fake persona all of you are laying on me.”
“I don’t care, you show up, or I quit.” I gasped.
“You can’t quit, because you’re fired Lisa. I’ve decided I want Johnny to be my manager; he seems to know me better than someone who is supposed to be my friend! But to piss you off, I’m going to do the show anyway!” I hung up my phone and dialed Johnny’s number. I gave him the info that I just got shoved in my face and he agreed to be my manager and before the show tomorrow everything would be fine and finalized. I’m sure my label, Interscope, won’t be too happy with me firing Lisa. They loved her and she did do a lot for me. I turned and looked at AJ and he was sitting as content as could be in the chair I was once in. I laughed and sat in the study chair. I got on my myspace and I had new everything too, including a friend request from AJ. I giggled and stared at him. “Thanks for the add.” He laughed and pat me on the back. I added everyone and uploaded the pictures with a new album pretty much the same as his, only instead of she’s back, I put he’s back. He really was back in my life and I was really happy.

“I am freaking tired.” AJ said standing up and stretching. I turned the computer off and yawned.
“I wasn’t until you said something…” He put his arm around me and we walked to the bedroom. Since AJ clearly wouldn’t fit my stuff he slept shirtless and in his boxers, which was…you know, fine with me. I changed into a tank top and some pajama bottoms, which were spongebob. (You always have to throw in some spongebob every now and again.) When I turned the lights off he was already drifting off to sleep and I crawled into bed next to him.

His side was always on the right, and mine was always on the left. It amazed me that by instinct he did it again. He turned and faced me. I smiled and gave him a little kiss on his nose, which in turn, he smiled back. His eyes closed and he was asleep. I seemed to stare at the ceiling for the longest time. My hands behind my head and just clearing my mind of all the bad things that I have happened in my life without him by my side. I wondered how I would tell my mom that AJ and I were back together, but most of all I looked forward to telling her how much more handsome he has gotten. Even more than that, I wanted to tell her how much more in love with him I am, she’d never believe that, but it’s the truth. In this one day my feelings for him have grown into something that seems uncontrollable. How could I have dated Nameless Man for two years and feel love for him, but I see AJ for one day and I’m even more in love than that. It just didn’t seem right. I knew it was though, I knew in my mind and in my heart that I loved him more than anyone else in the World and no one could take his place. I looked over at him and he was still asleep, soundly, peacefully. I curled up on my side and fell asleep…

THE NEXT MORNING

It’s always been nice to wake up to the smell of fresh brewed coffee in the morning, but I never thought AJ of all people would make it. Back then I was usually the first one up unless he was up to something, I guess more has changed than I thought. AJ was now and early bird. I got out of bed and went into the bathroom and threw my hair up in a messy bun and just smirked at myself in the mirror. I rolled my pants up a bit and left the bathroom and entered the hallway and went to the kitchen to find AJ reading a magazine and drinking coffee. He was dressed in yesterdays outfit already and seemed to know his way around the house pretty well…go figure.

“Morning.” I said kind of raspy as I reached for a coffee cup in my cupboard. I poured myself some coffee, straight black, the way I have always had it. I heard him put the magazine down. He was quiet. “Did you hear me?” I said turning to him with my coffee in hand. He looked at me.
“I did, come look at this though. It’s amazing what people can throw together in less than a day.” I walked over to the counter and he showed me a magazine with an article inside about us. I wanted to smile, but AJ’s face read a different story. I sat down and read it.

--------------------------------------------------

SOMETHING BORROWED, SOMETHING BLUE, BUT NOT SO NEW.
by: Jason Theodore Medley

On August 19th, 2005 The Backstreet Boys and Simple Plan battled it out on the baseball field for a fun and athletic attempt of a game. It seems they hired the POPSTAR we all love, Mary Restifo to sing the National Anthem. If you don’t know, a few years ago Mary and AJ, from the old boyband, The Backstreet Boys, dated for three years. It seems an old spark lit up when Mary and AJ made contact again after fighting for 3 straight years after the horribly quiet breakup. No one has ever heard of this fight probably until now. No one ever knew why the two love birds ceased to exist one day before AJ entered rehab. We got an insider to tell us the story in a series of question and answers provided today.

Question: How do you know Mary and AJ?
Answer: I don’t know AJ, but I have known Mary since the start of her career.

Question: Why are you coming out with all of this information now?
Answer: I think it’s time people understand the whole situation better.

Question: Well, why did Mary and AJ break up?
Answer: Mary and AJ has supposedly been having problems with each other, between his drinking and partying life, Mary just wanted simplicity. She wasn’t getting that with AJ, he was too much of a rebel who was far too out there for her to control.

Question: What sort of problems?
Answer: They always fought, is what she told me. And when I say always, I mean always. She told me he would pick a fight at anything she would do or say. He was never just happy having her around, from a forced upon ENGAGMENT to a forced up choice of him or nothing.

It seems to us that AJ had more issues than just drinking and partying it up. He always had problems with his band mate, Howie Dorough.

Question: What went down with Howie and AJ?
Answer: Mary and Howie have always been close. Even when Mary and him weren’t together Howie would call her on her tour to just talk. They’ve been best friends for a long time, but AJ never saw it that way. He accused Mary of not honoring him when she would even give him a simple hug. It was hard for Mary to face that AJ was really jealous of his own band members. It ran her into the ground. AJ even broke up with her one day over it, it wasn’t a long break up but he did it just out of spite and not even thinking about it…

Will AJ and Mary really make it this time? We know fans of hers will have a problem about this, but what about those oh so loyal BSB fans? There’s a girl scooping a man of their dreams, they won’t be happy, but…hopefully these two will be happy for awhile before the drama kicks in.

--------------------------------------------------

I threw the magazine down on the counter and pushed it into the garbage can.

“Why do you read that crap? You know it’s all a bunch of made up stuff, and I know Lisa is the little insider. I hardly told her anything about us. AJ stood up.
“Then why does everything that was said there seem very true?”
“It is, everyone knows about that argument we had in the hotel.” He leaned on the counter with his head down and his arms against it.
“God, why can’t I just be with you without all of this shit happening?” He looked at me, and he was sad. I hadn’t seen a sad, beautiful, face like his in awhile. It hurt my heart.
“It’s going to be tough, we have a lot of obstacles to climb over before people believe our relationship has changed, but we can do it. We’re two totally different people now and everything will be fine. We just need to ignore ignorant people like magazine, gay editors.” He smiled and pulled me into a hug.

I threw the magazine down on the counter and pushed it into the garbage can.

“Why do you read that crap? You know it’s all a bunch of made up stuff, and I know Lisa is the little insider. I hardly told her anything about us. AJ stood up.
“Then why does everything that was said there seem very true?”
“It is, everyone knows about that argument we had in the hotel.” He leaned on the counter with his head down and his arms against it.
“God, why can’t I just be with you without all of this shit happening?” He looked at me, and he was sad. I hadn’t seen a sad, beautiful, face like his in awhile. It hurt my heart.
“It’s going to be tough, we have a lot of obstacles to climb over before people believe our relationship has changed, but we can do it. We’re two totally different people now and everything will be fine. We just need to ignore ignorant people like magazine, gay editors.” He smiled and pulled me into a hug. “Really, stop worrying so much. It’s going to be fine.”
“Alright, but I have more news to tell you.” I sat down at a stool.
“What?” I took a sip of my coffee.
“MTV’s casting called this morning, they want to bring cameras into our relationship for 6 months, they’re coming over later with papers for us to sign.” I put my cup down.
“Oh. You said yes?” He nodded. “Well that’s cool I guess, but you’re on tour for like 3 months of that, how will that work out, it would be more like…you.” He shook his head. “What?”
“You’re coming with me.” I put my head down on the table. “You know I have other things to do here with my own music Alex.”
“I know, at least the next three months is here in the US, so no airplanes!”

I hate having to be in airplanes more than I had to. They scare me a lot.

He put his hand on my arm and I lifted my head and agreed to the little taping of our lives together.

FEW HOURS LATER

There was a knock on the door and AJ answered it, it was the MTV people. There were about five men and 2 girls. Why did there need to be so many people? I graciously offered everyone something to drink and they all just took a few cokes to have.

“So you two, once these are signed, there’s no turning back. And we’ll have the crew here early tomorrow to just start filming…” AJ and I smiled at each other. I guess in a way it would be good for people to see how we really lived together and how we got along. We’d be on the road for most of it, but it’s still fun. AJ heads back on tour tomorrow.

THE NEXT MORNING

“Alright, Mary, let’s go!” AJ yelled from the front door. I left the bathroom and smiled at the camera that was weirdly waiting for me to leave the bathroom. It was weird having some camera trail my ass all the time. I mean, photographers is different, they go away sometimes. These won’t for the next 6 months of my life. They followed us right out to the car. We had to have a camera with us of course, so there was no such thing as alone time anymore for us, which bothered me.