I woke up early again I couldn’t stand being alone it bugged me there was just something about loneliness that sucks, but then again who likes being alone? I looked at the clock and it was 4am. “Why can’t I sleep?” I said aloud and pulled the covers back over my head and I was hoping I could go back to sleep, but all I could think about was Howie that is all I have ever been thinking about since he had officially left me just a few months ago, ok maybe not a few months more like 8 months. Its sad I know I just don’t know how to get over him its hard. I know I have taken this whole thing a little too seriously but I loved him how do you just over a man that you loved so much? Its been rough though I haven’t been able to eat all that much really so I have lost some weight and sleep eh that has been a little iffy too oh and work I am thankful I had enough strength to go work so I can make money, but I guess I always kept hoping that he would suddenly come back into my life, but that stops now. I cant let this take over my life I want my life before I had Howie back the carefree girl who didn’t give a rats ass about anyone but herself and family.

I got out of bed realizing that I was never going to be able to sleep in that bed there was just no way since that is where we spent a lot of time whether we were sleeping or making love that is where the magic happened so to speak. I walked out to the kitchen and decided to make me some coffee as it was brewing I turned on the TV and decided to watch the news just something to get my mind off of Howie. I soon realized this is where he first told me he loved me the three little words every woman wants to hear but now that is just a memory.  I heard my coffee maker beep so I got up and got my coffee and then went back to the couch and continued to watch the news. After a four of hours of watching the same old crap I got up and decided to take a shower and ah there were more memories in there as well. Who am I kidding? There are memories all over this damn apartment how am I ever going to be able to get over him if everything I have from him is here? I just need to forget about him, yeah that’s what I need to do forget it just forget about everything. After my shower I got dressed and decided to go out for a while.

 ……

I got a new apartment for myself I wasn’t expecting to do that but I did it, it was time for a change I needed to do this for myself and it was move in ready. It was time I got over him because he was never coming back. I even bought new furniture too why keep the old? I went back to my old apartment and starting boxing up my belongings and I came across all the pictures of us together I couldn’t help myself I just ripped them up they were just no memories of the past and I no longer wanted to remember.  It hadn’t taken very long for me to pack my things up since I bought new everything practically. The only thing left to do was to confront him. I know this sounds insane, but I needed closer and the only way to get that was to confront him and give him his things back that he left at my house. I texted him and told him to meet me at the coffee shop I didn’t know whether or not he would show, but I got a message stating he would be there. It is going to be so nice to see him again since its been so long and I am sure his wife has had the baby now and they are just one big happy family. I can’t help but wonder if Howie told his wife about me? And if he didn’t I wonder if he ever will? I was now sitting down at the coffee shop drinking my French vanilla latte and I saw a man out of the corner of my eye come towards me-it was him.

 “Hey,”

“Hi” I said I couldn’t think of anything else to say there was just so much I wanted to say.

“How have you been doing?”

“Fine, I guess. You want to sit down or do you have some other stuff to take care of?”

“I can sit I made sure I had some extra time on my hands. I have wanted to talk to you for the longest time, but I just didn’t know how to I guess.” I couldn’t only imagine what he wanted to talk about.

“I wanted to give you this back,” I said as I handed him the box,” I don’t want it anymore Howie.  Its time for me to finally move on. I have been wandering around my apartment for the last 8 months barely eating and sleeping the only energy I had was to do my work so I could still live. This is everything that you left at my place that I found when I was packing there are some old records and things in there and clothes I think.” I sighed I was relieved that all the unnecessary baggage was finally going away and it felt good,” What did you want to talk about?” Howie took my hand after setting the box down.

“I want to come home.” I was shocked.

“What do you mean you want to come home? “

“My wife was never pregnant turns out she just said that to get me home because she had found out about you and she was hoping that our love was as strong as she thought, but it turns out it wasn’t so we split.” He explained,” I wanted to call you I really did, but after the way I left you I couldn’t bring myself to do it and then when I got that text this morning I was just so happy and I knew I couldn’t live without you.” I couldn’t believe he was saying this to me after all this time he picks now? I couldn’t handle this.

“No, you can’t come home Howie. You left me remember? You said you were unhappy being married and that is why I was there to comfort you. Why didn’t you call Howie? I was in so much pain for months! All I wanted was for you to be there for me and you couldn’t do that even after your wife and you split. This is your problem now not mine you can take your memories and you can have your freedom cause I don’t want them Howie!” I said,” I am moving on with my life.”

“So you just want to forget about me and what we had?” I stood up and got out of my chair.“Yes Howie I do, but just remember you will think of me every time you have a relationship that goes bad because you didn’t have the decency to pick up a phone and call me.” That was the last thing I said to him before I walked off. There was nothing else to say to him I said all I wanted him to say. I walked down a few feet or so and looked behind me and he was gone. I knew right then and there I could finally begin my life as a new single woman.