Brian tapped his fingers against his armrest as he watched Nick draw faces on the steamed up windows of the bus. He rolled his eyes as he looked around the bus at his other four band mates. Apart from the hum of the engine and the rain on the windows, the bus was silent. They were all having one of their ‘moments’ again. AJ and Nick particularly. He heard Kevin yawn as he turned the page of the book he was reading in the seat behind him. Looking around he saw everyone was occupied with something, or pretending to be at least. Howie was asleep, or lying there with his eyes closed, so as not to be involved in any further arguments. Kevin was reading, Nick was drawing faces on the window and AJ was writing something. Brian inwardly laughed at himself and his friends. Within an hour they’d probably be talking and laughing with each other, and another of their pointless arguments would be forgotten. In fact he was sure of it.

24 hours later, as he sat in the hospital waiting room, his head resting in his hands, Brian sighed and rubbed his eyes. He couldn’t have been more wrong, he thought to himself, remembering the events of the last 48 hours.

************

“C’mon AJ” Nick slurred. “Have a drink. PleasE?” *hic* “I’ll pay”

AJ rolled his eyes. “No Nicky, now sit back down.”

“Don’t” *hic* “Call me” *hic* “y” he replied

Kevin put his hands on Nicks shoulders and pushed him down into his seat.

“How did he manage to get so drunk?” Howie asked from across the table they were sitting at.

“We’ve been eating and he’s only had, what? 3 glasses?”

Brian laughed. “Who knows maybe he’s just a light weight!”

“Or maybe, he’s been filling up his own glass.” Kevin said pulling out their now nearly empty wine bottle from the ice bucket standing next to their table.

They were celebrating the release of their new album breaking records, at one of New York’s expensive restaurants, before they headed out on tour the next day. So they were also celebrating there last day before hitting the road.

“Oh well” AJ said drinking his own orange juice. “He’ll pay for it tomorrow.”

“With a hangover” he said in reply to the looks he was getting. “What am I gonna do? Beat him up for having a good time. If that’s what he thinks is one.”

Again he got more of the same looks.

“What?” he said defensively. “Give me some credit!”

The rest of the boys, excluding Nick, laughed.

“What’s so funny?” Nick asked picking at the food on his plate.

“Nothing, don’t worry about it.” Kevin said

“You guys ALWAYS leave me out. I hate you” Nick replied sticking out his tongue.

“Nick, I wouldn’t eat that bit, it’s just for decoration.” Howie said as he watched Nick try to cut the swan carved out of onion in half so he could eat it.

“I don’t care I wanna eat it! Just cos your” *hic* “a pussy”.

Howie frowned in reply. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

“Kevin my good man. Fill up my glass.” Nick said loudly holding his glass out to Kevin.

“I think you’ve had enough Nick.” Kevin told him

“I think I won’t have had enough until there is no more left to have.”

Kevin nodded and smiled. “Yes Nick.”

“Don’t paraphrase me.” Nick slurred.

The other four looked at each other confused.

“Do you mean patronise Nick?” Brian asked

“No foo!” Nick said in a Mr. T accent. “I mean what I said.”

“Oh my god he’s turned into Justin Timberlake.” Howie said

“I spit on Justin Timberlake” Nick replied D12 style, spitting out the bit of onion he’d just put in his mouth

“I think it’s time Nicky went home.” AJ said as the waiter took away their plates.

“Yeah, we’d all better go home. We gotta be at the buses early tomorrow.” Brian said

“But, what about puddin?” Nick said in what was now a cockney British accent.

“You don’t get any, you drank to much.” Kevin told him, giving him a strange look.

“I didn’t drink nothing!” Nick replied.

“Whatever Kaos. Time to go.” Howie said signing the bill.

“But I want dessert.” Nick began to sob.

AJ rolled his eyes, while Kevin raised an eyebrow.

“There’s ice cream at home, have that.” Howie told him.

“But I want it now!!! BRIiiiannn! They’re being mean.” Nick whined

“There’s dessert in the car Nick.” Brian said as he gave apologetic looks to the other diners for the noise Nick was making.

“No there isn’t.” AJ said giving Brian a weird look.

“Shut up” Brian hissed.

“Look, if there isn’t dessert” *hic* “in the car,” *hic* “then we’re only gonna have to come back here to get some.”

“There IS some in the car Nick.” Brian said steering Nick out of the restaurant and towards the parking lot.

“Good. Is there some drink too? I want some more and AJ hasn’t had any yet.”

“I’m not drinking Nick” AJ said pulling his keys out of his pocket.

“Why not?” Nick slurred confusedly

AJ rolled his eyes again, and instead of having to go through what was probably a yearlong story with a hammered Nick, simply held up the car keys and climbed into the driving seat.

“Oh yeah.” Nick said attempting to open the car door.

“Move out of the way Nicky.” Howie said gently pushing Nick to the side so he could open the door.

“Don’t call me Nicky. Poo head!”

Kevin laughed as Howie just shook his head at Nicks comment.

“Hopefully he’ll fall asleep in the car.” Brian said climbing in after Nick.

“Don’t talk bout me like I ain’t here” Nick whined, “Where’s the dessert?”

“You get it when you put your seat belt on and the doors are closed.” Kevin told him from the front passenger seat. Nick complied with the request and asked again.

“So... where is it?”

“At home” Howie told him.

“But... But... Fine I’m going back to the restaurant.” Nick said crossing his arms and attempting to unplug his seat belt.

“Ha ha tough luck Nicky boy. Too late” Brian said from beside him.

“AJ STOP the car! We NEED dessert”

“Sorry kid, we’re already on the freeway.” AJ replied

“No we’re not, we’re not even out of the parking lot yet.”

“It’s the freeway Nick. How much did you have?” AJ asked

“Oh…” Nick said quietly. “Not much.”

“Whatever Nicky” AJ laughed as he pulled out of the parking lot.


************


“Owwwwe” Nick whined. “Freakin’ hang over! Why didn’t you guys stop me drinking so much?”

“We tried” Howie replied as he and Nick walked towards their tour bus. “But you kept sneaking it out of the bottle.”

“Then why did you have it next to me?”

“Don’t try blaming it on us Nicky boy. It’s your own fault and you know it.”

“Argh, shut up, I hate it when you’re right.”

Howie laughed.

“Oh shit.” Nick said stopping

“What?” Howie asked him turning around

“I didn’t tell AJ to have a drink or something stupid like that did I?”

Howie shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot.

“Damnit! Why am I such a dumbass?” Nick berated himself

“Chill Nicky, he knows you didn’t mean anything.”

“But D man, c’mon. I shouldn’t have even been drinking in the first place.” Nick said shaking his head.

“Don’t worry Nick. I’m sure he’s fine with it”

Nick sighed, “I should go and apologise”

“For what?” Brian said catching up with them.

“For being such a shit stick yesterday and trying to make AJ drink”

“You didn’t make him drink Frack. You just offered him one. Don’t be so hard on yourself.” Brian told the young blonde.

“Dude… get real. What kind of friend am I if I get pissed outta my head, knowing that he’s had problems, and then going on at him to have a drink.”

“Nick stop being so hard on yourself. I’m sure if it had upset him he would have said something to one of us.” Howie said

“I’d still better go apologise.” Nick said quietly

Brian and Howie nodded in response as the three of them reached the buses.

“Bonjourno boys.” AJ said jumping down the stairs and out the door of the bus.

“You’re chipper this morning.” Brian told him

“Well I don’t have a hang over like some people do I?” AJ said in a matter-of-fact tone.

“AJ.” Howie said in an disapproving tone.

“What?” AJ asked defensively

“Forget it D. I was just coming to apologise ‘J” Nick said

“...Well that’s okay I guess. Just don’t do it again.”

Nick nodded and climbed on the bus. Howie and Brian looked at each other. “Are you okay AJ?” Brian asked

“Yeah I’m fine why wouldn’t I be?” AJ replied

“That was kinda harsh, what you said to Nick.” Howie told him.

“Huh? How? Why?” AJ asked slightly confused and slightly annoyed.

“He’s been worried about that all morning and you make it sound as though he did it on purpose.” Brian said

“Well he is the one who kept drinking all night. It’s not like we forced him.” AJ said defensively.

“It was still harsh. You know he didn’t mean it. He’s gonna be upset about it all day, you know what he’s like.” Howie continued

“Oh shame for Nick. He’s upset for one day. Well excuse me for not being the Nicky worshippers you all are. The fact that it might have upset me that the stupid dumbass got pissed and kept asking me to have a drink even though he knows! Even though he was there!” AJ said his voice rising.

“AJ, calm down. We’re just sayin—“

“WELL DON’T” AJ shouted.

“Hey guys, chill, what’s going on?” Kevin said arriving at the buses.

“Shut the fuck up Kevin” AJ growled.

“AJ” Brian said in a tone similar to Howie’s earlier.

“WHAT BRIAN? WHAT? Gonna tell me not to swear? Not to be so hard on poor little Nicky?” AJ spat “Well FUCK HIM” he said slowly.

“AJ?” Nick asked appearing behind him at the door of the bus

“Yeah what the fuck do you want Nick?”

“AJ I think you should calm down.” Kevin said trying to get a hand on the situation.

“And I think you should fuck off Kevin. Mind your own god damn business for once.”

“It is—“

“And before you start giving me the ‘it is my business you’re my brothers’ bull. SAVE IT, cos I DON’T wanna hear it.”

“Don’t take it out on them AJ, if you’ve got a problem with me, come out and say it to my face.” Nick said getting slightly pissed off himself.

“Fine then” AJ said turning around to face him. “I HAVE A PROBLEM, WITH YOU.”

Nick looked down at AJ. “Well then, apologise to the others for being and ass, and then take up your problem with me.” He said in a menacing tone.

AJ raised an eyebrow. “Apologise?” he said in a sarcastic tone.

“Well your gonna be laid up in hospital for a while when I’m done with you, so do it now so you don’t forget from all the blows to the head your gonna get.”

“Nick.” Kevin said ready to push his way between the two.

“Ooohh, Nicky’s a hard man is he?” AJ said looking around. “Let’s see how hard.” And with that he threw his arm back and punched Nick in the face. Immediately Brian and Howie grabbed one of his arms each, and Kevin grabbed Nicks to stop him from retaliating.

“Get the fuck off of me Kevin.” Nick spat as blood ran out of his mouth.

“C’mon Carter, just bring it.” AJ taunted. “Afraid you can’t take me fat ass.”

Nick’s eyes flashed with hurt for a second before he lunged again towards AJ. “Your going down junky.”

“Calm down now ladies. Lets not break a nail.” Billy, one of the security team said approaching the rowing boys.

“C’mon AJ lets go before you ruin your hair.” Carlos another member of security said stepping in between the two youngest members of the group.

“Move out of the way Carlos.” AJ said still struggling against Brian and Howie.

“Let him go boys.” Carlos instructed and bent down as they did. Picking AJ up over his shoulder. This annoyed AJ even more, and he wasn’t taking it lightly.

“Put me the FUCK down Carlos. I’m not a child!”

“Could have fooled me.” Carlos said as he climbed on the bus with AJ.

Billy was doing much the same as Carlos had. The only problem was Nick was marginally bigger than AJ and was too much for Billy to lift if he was thrashing about the way he was.
“Max get your ass over here, and help me restrain Nickolas.”

Max another large member of the security team walked over to where four of the five Backstreet Boys and Billy stood. “Ouch Nick! Who’d you piss of this time?” Max asked looking at Nicks bleeding lip.

“Let me go!” was all Nick said, still struggling against Kevin.

“You get his legs and I’ll take this end.” Billy said walking round to where Kevin was. Max nodded and walked up to Nick.

“What are you doing?” Nick said suddenly just noticing Max.

“Nothing. Nothing at all.” Max replied “Can you hold him for a sec while we get him up Kev?”
Kevin nodded in reply, and Max bent down and picked up Nicks kicking legs.

“If you don’t hold still Nick, I’m gonna drop you.” Kevin told him, struggling under Nicks weight and movement.

“Move over Kevin.” Billy said taking Nick from Kevin’s hold.

“PUT ME DOWN!” Nick screamed. He did not appreciate being moved around like a piece of furniture.

“We’re not deaf Nick, you don’t need to shout.” Carlos said carrying him up the steps of the bus.

“GET OFF!” Nick screamed again. He didn’t no which he disliked more, the fact that he was being treated like a child or the fact that he was completely useless to stop Max and Billy taking him wherever they wanted to. It was a scary thought.

“MOVE CARLOS!” Nick could hear AJ shout. Carlos had put AJ down by now, but wasn’t letting him move from the back of the bus. Being as big as he was, all Carlos had to do was stand there and any way to reach the other part of the bus was blocked.

“PUT ME THE FUCK DOWN DAMNIT!” Nick screamed still struggling.
Max and Billy looked at each other.

“Okay” Max shrugged dropping Nicks legs. Nick stopped struggling upon his feet hitting the floor; surprised they had listened to him. Billy took this as his queue and also dropped Nick.

“Owe!” Nick said as his butt hit the hard floor of the bus. “Assholes.” He growled standing up “Move out of my way.” He continued trying to get past Max who stood in his way.
AJ was saying something much the same. Kevin, Brian and Howie climbed on the bus shaking their heads.

“Guys I’d calm down if I were you before Rob gets here.” Brian advised sitting at the table nearer the front of the bus.

“Brian’s right. He’ll go mental.” Howie added sitting opposite Brian

“Who gives a shit?” AJ snarled still trying to get past Carlos.

“Well obviously not you. What’s the matter AJ? Does using your common sense kill off your remaining brain cells?” Nick shouted from between Max and Billy.

“Hey at least I had some to begin with! Where is it you currently resign?” AJ retorted.

“Florida! My girlfriend didn’t kick me out cos I kept getting pissed.”

“Yeah she had to bail you out instead didn’t she? Oh wait, that was your Mom, YOU DON’T HAVE A GIRLFRIEND!”

“At least I don’t have a boyfriend! FAG!”

“SO WHAT IF I’M FAG!” AJ screamed back in response “AT LEAST I’M GETTING LAYED!”

“BY WHO?!” Nick shouted “HOWIE?”

Brian and Kevin looked to Howie, who seemed to be rather insulted by the comment, but said nothing.

“NO NICK, I DON’T TAKE ADVANTAGE OF MY FRIENDS LIKE YOU!”

“WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?”

“LETS RECAP SHALL WE?”

“No, lets not.” Kevin said firmly. “Both of you shut up and sit down.”

“NO!” AJ and Nick yelled in unison.

“YES!”

Both boys stopped shouting and struggling with the security guards and turned to face their manager. A large and, currently red faced, man standing at the end of the bus.

“Hi Rob.” Brian waved, trying to release tension.

Rob glanced at the Kentucky native but said nothing to him. “Anyone would think you two were children. This is pathetic. Two grown men shouting abuse at each other, over what exactly? Can anybody tell me?”
There was a pause. Both Nick and AJ’s minds had thrown blanks. Why were they fighting again?

“Cos he’s a prick.” AJ growled not wanting to look stupid.

“Cos he’s a prick?” Rob said in an almost sing song voice. “Well, that’s a great reason AJ, because Nick’s a prick you want to bust his head open. Well the press will love that. I can see the headlines now. AJ McLean kills band mate for being a prick.”
Brian laughed but stopped when he saw the death glares he was receiving from Nick and AJ.

“Shut up Brian” AJ snarled. Brian rolled his eyes and turned his back to him.

“AJ, if I hear one more word out of you, or you Nick, I will personally see to it that every hotel you two stay in on this tour is one star. Don’t think I won’t. Not only that, there will be no playstation and no guests to hotel rooms or concerts. NOT even family.” Rob said.
Nicks mouth opened and closed a few times, as though he was going to say something, but eventually it closed completely and he said nothing.
“I think I’ve made my point.” Rob said sourly. “Carlos, Max, Billy lets go. If they still want to behave like children, let them.” The security guards shrugged, and followed Rob as he made his way off the bus.

AJ followed them a little way and hissed curses at them as they climbed off the bus before kicking the seat next to him and sitting on it. Nick stared at him, giving him a ‘you-sad-shit’ look before sitting down in the seat next to where he’d been dropped.
Kevin sighed and walked to the back of the bus, where he was usually found, and began reading a book. Howie followed him, not even acknowledging AJ and Nick, sat down and began to sleep, having nothing else to do. Brian took a seat behind Nick. He knew the blonde was still too pissed off so it would be a while before he could attempt holding a conversation with him, so until then he would have to sit twiddling his thumbs.


************


Brian tapped his fingers against his armrest as he watched Nick draw faces on the steamed up windows of the bus hours later. He rolled his eyes, as he looked around the bus at his other four band mates. Apart from the hum of the engine and the rain on the windows, the bus was silent.
He heard Kevin yawn as he turned the page of the book he was reading in the seat behind him. Looking around he saw everyone was occupied with something, or pretending to be at least. Howie was asleep, or lying there with his eyes closed, so as not to be involved in any further arguments. Kevin was reading, Nick was drawing faces on the window and AJ was writing something. Brian inwardly laughed at himself and his friends, soon enough they’d be talking and laughing again as though nothing had happened. Then he started to shake as he tried to hold his laughter in. Soon it became too hard and he had to bend over in his seat and try and hide himself from view. Nick turned around and looked at him as he made a funny noise.

“Brian?” he asked slowly

Brian looked up at his friend.

“Shit dude are you on drugs?” Nick hissed seeing Brian’s eyes water and his face red.

Brian shook his head and let out a loud “HA” which went high at the end as he tried to hold the rest of the laugh in. Howie opened his eyes, Kevin looked up from his book and AJ stopped writing.

“Are you all right?” Nick asked slowly.

Brian shook silently with laughter and rested his head on the seat in front.

“Brian?” Howie asked, “What are you doing?”

Unable to contain it any longer, Brian burst out into hysterical laughter. He didn’t know what he found so funny, or why he was laughing so hard but he was.
The other four looked at him as though he had just grew an extra head.

“No more sugar for Brian.” Kevin said going back to his book trying not to smile.
AJ turned back to his writing and chuckled and a smile played across Howie’s lips as he closed his eyes to go back to sleep.

“Brian” Nick whispered over the seat to his friend. “Are you on drugs? Go on you can tell me.”
Brian made a funny wheezing noise in reply, which in turn made Nick start to laugh.

“What’s so funny?” Howie asked without opening his eyes. Nick shrugged still laughing.
Kevin looked up from his book again and looked at Nick as he shrugged and laughed at the same time. He couldn’t see Brian but he could hear him laughing. Before long Kevin was laughing too.

Howie sat up and looked at the three of them in turn. “What’s so funny now?” he asked confused and slightly annoyed.
Kevin shrugged.

“You three are weird.” Howie said. He turned too look at AJ, who was now also laughing.
“What are you laughing at?” Howie asked exasperated.

AJ just shook his head. Evidently he didn’t know what was so funny either.
Howie rolled his eyes and lay back down across the seats, attempting to get back to sleep. Then, he too, began to laugh.

“Shit.”
All five of the boys turned to where the voice had come from. Their driver

“What’s wrong Jeff?” Kevin asked standing up.

“We’ve got problems, sit down and buckle up.” Jeff replied in a firm voice. Immediately the boys sat down properly and did up their safety belts.

“Shit, shit, shit.” Nick hissed to himself fiddling with something in his lap.

“Calm down Frack, just do up your belt and we’ll be fine.” Brian said from behind calmly, clearly unfazed by what was happening.

“It’s stuck Bri, it won’t work.”

“What do you mean it’s stuck?”

“I mean it’s fucking stuck don’t I?!” Nick replied panicked, still unable to fasten the belt around his waist.

“Hold on boys.”

All of them but Nick turned to the driver.

“Oh shit.”

Howie squeezed his eyes shut as tight as they would go, and then slowly opened them. He winced in pain as he attempted to sit up properly. Broken glass was everywhere, bits of metal were strewn around him, and music was playing, the bus radio. Other than that, it was silent.
Attempting to sit up he found he was still strapped into his seat. Undoing the safety belt he pulled himself to his knees and looked around. His side hurt like hell. He seemed to be bleeding everywhere and he couldn’t move his left arm. Then there was the bus. As he knelt there he realised the bus was no longer on its wheels, but on its side. And the glass he now knelt on was that of the broken windows.

“Guys?” he called out “Kevin?”

He waited for a response, but he heard nothing except the radio.

“Brian?”

“Howie?”

Howie looked up to see Brian stagger over to him. He was limping and his head was bleeding, other than that he seemed okay.

“What happened?” Brian asked his older friend.

“I think we crashed.” Howie replied. Brian bit his lip and looked around before helping Howie to his feet.

“Can you walk? We’ve gotta find the others.”

“Yeah, I can. Have you seen any of the others?” Howie said, trying to keep his balance once standing.

Brian shook his head.

“Nick was sitting in front of you though. If we’re both inside the bus, shouldn’t he be in here too?” Howie asked, his concern growing.

Brian nodded. “But he’s not back there. Neither is Kevin.” He said pointing to where he’d just came from.
“Maybe they already got off the bus.” Howie hoped

“Uh… how?” Brian said looking around. The door of the bus would be above them if they were to go to the front of the bus, and the emergency exit was on the floor, making all escape routes pretty much blocked.

“Lets try climbing out one of the sun roofs.” Howie suggested.

Brian nodded. “Is your side gonna be okay?” he inquired, noticing how Howie had been holding it the hole time they’d been speaking.

“It should be fine. But you’re gonna have to help me Bri, cos I can’t move my left arm.”

After what seemed forever, they finally made it off of their wrecked bus.

“I still don’t understand. What happened?” Brian asked once they were on the road.

“There must have been something in the road that Jeff had to swerve to avoid. I think I remember us hitting something too.” Howie said, “Then, from the looks of things, I guess we must have rolled over.”

Brian nodded as they surveyed the damage. Their bus was now currently lying on its side in the middle of the road, blocking both lanes. Broken glass and twisted metal was everywhere, and there, lying in the lane where the bus was supposed to be, was a fallen tree.
“Jeff, must have only just seen it as we came round the corner.” Brian said.

“And when he tried to avoid it the back of the bus must have hit the hillside.”

“Howie. It’s a mountain.”

“I was trying to look on the bright side Brian. Hill’s are so much more welcoming than mountains.”

“Hey, wasn’t Kevin at the back of the bus?”

“Yeah… oh God.” They both ran… or rather hobbled, towards the bus as fast as they could.

“Kevin?” Brian called

“Kev?” Howie shouted

“Oh, so I see I’m not as important as Kevin.”

Brian and Howie stopped to see AJ walking towards them.

“AJ!” Brian said, his voice a mixture of relief and worry.

AJ smiled in reply. “You guys look pretty bad.”

“Yeah, we are.” Howie replied.

“How come you got off so easy?” Brian confused.

AJ grinned, “I’m invincible.”

Howie rolled his eyes, and Brian muttered a “Whatever”

“I am! Look, not a scratch on me… almost.”

“Whatever, we gotta find Kevin and Nick.”

“Well I assume Nick’s gonna be near where you guys were.” AJ said scratching his head. “As for Kevin I’ve—“

“Guys?” They heard Kevin’s voice shout. “Brian? Howie?”

“We’re here Kev, where are you?” Brian called in reply.

“Again I’m obviously just not as important as the rest of you.” AJ commented to Howie.

Howie looked at AJ in the way older siblings do when they’re little brother or sister says or does something weird, and shook his head. “AJ, we just crashed. Our bus just toppled over and we don’t know where Kevin and Nick are; yet you’re talking as though nothings happened. How the hell are you so calm?” Howie asked in a tone that was more one of confusion than anything else.

“I told you. I’m invincible.” AJ replied. “Besides, we just heard Kevin.”

Howie rolled his eyes again. “Whatever.”

“Guys? You gotta get help. Nick’s hurt. Bad.”

At this Howie, Brian and AJ all froze. Although the crash had obviously been severe, they hadn’t realised how severe. When you travelled all the time, you were always getting into minor accidents and they became commonplace events. Up until now, even though the bus was on its side, they thought this was one of those times.

“Where are you?” Howie called trying to remain calm.

“What’s wrong with Nick?” Brian asked, not bothering to hide the panic in his voice.

“We’re by the wheels. He’s really bad guys.” Kevin told them.

“How did you get to the wheels Kev? It’s to near the edge of the road.” AJ asked his stomach quickly tying itself in knots.

“You gotta climb up the hillside a bit to get past the front of the bus. Hurry guys he’s really bad.” Kevin repeated.

The three remaining Backstreet Boys headed to the hillside and began to make their way around the front of the bus.

AJ, being uninjured, was first round and ran towards Kevin and Nick.

“AJ, we gotta get help. He’s not breathing well, there’s something really wrong with him.” Kevin told him.

AJ didn’t say anything for a moment. He just stared at Kevin and Nick. Nick was lying on the floor. Still and on his side, his head in Kevin’s lap. Kevin, himself, just kept repeating that there was something really wrong with Nick and that they needed to get him help soon.

“AJ? AJ?” Kevin said loudly trying to get his attention.

AJ stopped staring and acknowledged Kevin.

“We gotta get help.” Kevin repeated.

AJ nodded slowly. ‘This isn’t happening’ he thought to himself.

Howie and Brian joined him. “What happened?” Howie asked

“How did you get out here?” Brian interjected before Kevin could answer.

“I got up and Nick wasn’t on the bus. So I went looking for him.” Kevin said, his voice filled with panic and anxiety. “He was out here. I think he must have flown through the window or something. I don’t know. But we have to get him help now. He’s really not breathing right.” Kevin repeated.

“Oh God.” AJ said quietly.

“Guys we’ve got to get him help.” Kevin told them again.

“Where’s your cell?” Howie asked AJ.

“On the bus.” AJ replied absent-mindedly. “I’ll go get it.”

AJ ran as fast as he could back up the hillside and round to the sunroof he’d climbed out of. Squeezing through as fast as he could, he ran down the bus to where he’d been sitting and began searching for his cell phone. Or any cell phone. Unable to find one he ran up to the front of the bus to see if there was one there. He jumped back when he saw Jeff. He was dead. His body was slumped against the floor, part of it still being held in the seat by the safety belt. AJ stared at it for a minute. He’d never seen a dead body before, and it wasn’t pleasant. He began to shake as he looked at it, yet he was strangely transfixed.
Howie’s voice tore him away from the sight.

“’J, have you found it yet?”

“Not yet, I’m still looking.”

“Hurry, they’re in a real bad state out here.”

“Howie, Jeff’s dead.” AJ said, his voice breaking.

For a moment Howie said nothing. “Be quick AJ, this is bad.”

“I’ll be as fast as I can.” AJ replied. ‘This wasn’t like them.’ He thought to himself. Normally they could handle things like this. But this time it was different. Jeff was dead. And something had to be seriously wrong with Nick, for Kevin to be so panicked. AJ was pretty sure the oldest Backstreet Boy wasn’t saying everything.

“AJ, hurry up.” Howie yelled at him again.

“I can’t find one anywhere!”

“Get Jeff’s.”

AJ turned back to the body. Jeff always kept his cell in his shirt pocket, which meant AJ would have to reach over him to get to it. Fear began to eat away at him. His hand shook as he reached out and he had to try as hard as he could to watch what he was doing.
After what seemed like an eternity, AJ held the phone in his hand and began to call 911 as he made his way back out to the others.

“Give me the phone.” Kevin said firmly as AJ ran up the group, telling the operator what was happening. AJ said nothing but complied with the request.

“We need an ambulance now.” Kevin almost ordered into the phone. His tone had changed, and he was now a lot more firm than urgent.

“I’m aware of that sir. The ambulance is on its way. Can you tell me anything about the injured person, or persons at the crash site.” The operator replied, her voice ever calm.

“We’ve got a twenty-two year old male, approximately 6foot 2. I’m not sure, but I think he’s had a heart attack. His breathing’s shallow and…”

Kevin continued to talk, but AJ didn’t hear anything after the gasps from Howie and Brian. ‘A heart attack’ he said to himself over and over in his brain. ‘Nick’s had a heart attack?’ He felt his knees give way beneath him, and he saw Brian and Howie run to his side, but still he heard nothing. Nothing, but his voice begin to scream in his head. ‘Nick’s had a heart attack.’ It kept repeating. ‘Nick’s had a heart attack, and the last time you spoke to him, you were screaming abuse at him. You were shouting at your little brother over nothing and now he’s had a heart attack.’ The voice was screaming at him now.

“No, no I didn’t mean it.” AJ began to sob.

“Didn’t mean what?” Howie asked him.

AJ didn’t seem to have heard him. “I didn’t mean it, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” He said again.

“AJ what’s wrong you’re starting to scare us.” Brian asked him.

AJ just shook his head and began to cry into his hands. “I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”

Kevin paced the halls of the hospital impatiently. They had been waiting for ages and there was still no news on Nick. It didn’t help AJ had to be sedated either. Kevin growled as he turned around on his heel and headed back towards AJ’s room. The last couple of hours had been a nightmare. After the crash, and then finding Nick unconscious, things had gone from bad to worse. AJ had had a breakdown when he heard Kevin say heart attack, and that had scared Kevin almost as much as finding Nick did. AJ rarely showed emotion of that strength, it was more usual for him to bottle it up inside and become angry, rather than let it all out and be upset. Kevin grimaced as he remembered AJ sinking to the ground in tears, and shaking so violently he could hardly talk properly. The paramedics had told them he was in severe shock, and he would have to be sedated to prevent him from hurting himself. Kevin had merely nodded as he tried to get his head round what was happening. He was surprised Brian and Howie had been so calm through everything so far. Well, they weren’t calm but they were a hell of a lot more settled than he was. But then, he supposed, they had their faith - theirs a lot stronger than his. He seemed to have lost his over the years. Not completely, but faith alone wouldn’t settle him. Not since his father died. And that was what, ten or eleven years ago? He sighed slowing down his pace to a stop and sat on a nearby chair. Resting his head in his hands he took deep breaths to try and regain some control. He wasn’t going to lose Nick. Not like his Dad. He was here this time. He could stop it. He wouldn’t lose Nick. Not now. Not ever.
Taking a final breath he stood up and continued towards AJ’s room, calmer and more determined, his head clear… almost.

“Has he woken up yet?” Kevin asked Howie softly as he entered the quiet hospital room.

“Not yet, the doctor says sometime soon though. It was only a mild sedative so he shouldn’t be out of it too long.” Howie replied. His voice held a sad tone, but his face showed a calm resolve to hold back any emotion until they were through this.

Kevin nodded sadly at the younger man. “Any news on Nick?” he inquired.

Howie shook his head. “No. Not yet.” He said just above a whisper, hanging his head. “Brian’s gone to ring Jane and Bob, and our parents.”

Kevin again nodded and took a seat opposite Howie. There was silence for a while before Howie spoke.

“Do you think we’ll make it through this?” He asked quietly.

Kevin looked at him, almost half smiling. There was no I, only we. Then he lowered his head again before answering. He wouldn’t let anything happen. He was here this time. Looking back up at Howie he answered a firm “Yes.” Before he stood up and continued to pace.

Howie looked at AJ for a minute, digesting Kevin’s answer. Not that there was much to digest. If Kevin thought they’d be okay, then they’d be okay. He nodded to himself slightly. Yep, if Kevin says so then… then that’s what happens. Still, there was that tinge of doubt in his stomach. The one that you get when people tell you and tell you it’s going to be okay, but something still goes wrong. It was there, and it was growing. He sighed. He was glad he wasn’t in Kevin’s shoes. He was barely holding himself together; having to hold the rest of them together would be impossible.

“You gotta stop pacing man, you’ll go insane.” Howie told him.

“The thought actually kinda appeals to me right now.” Kevin replied tiredly.

“Dude, you already are insane.” A choked voice came from the bed.

“AJ!” Howie and Kevin exclaimed together rushing to his side.

“That’s my name.” He replied clearing his throat. “ Where’s Brian?” he continued his voice filling with worry.

“He’s gone to call our parents.” Kevin told him.

“Oh.” AJ said nodding in acknowledgement. “Nick?”

“He’s…uh…” Kevin cleared his throat. “Still in intensive care.”

“Have they fixed him yet?” AJ asked.

“We don’t know.” Howie replied.

“Oh.” AJ said again.

All three looked up at the door opening. Brian walked in, not even looking at them and sat down on one of the seats, resting his head in his hands, leaning heavily on his knees.

“Bri?” AJ asked carefully.

Brian didn’t look up; he just slowly began to rock back and forth in his chair.

“Brian?” AJ asked again, his voice a bit louder. “Bri? What’s wrong?”

Brian stopped rocking and turned his head to look at AJ. “Wrong? What’s wrong?” he asked incredulously. “What do you think is wrong?” he continued, his voice crueller now. “We’ve been sitting here for hours and they still haven’t told us anything. Not a fucking thing. And yes, I did just swear. I’m fucking sick of this, they’re not telling us anything and some bastard just tried to get me to leave because I’m not “family”. Well I am fucking family, and I’m fucking sick of this. What the FUCK is going on?” he finished, his voice and shouting level, and his face showing more anger than anything else. AJ, Kevin and Howie just stood there staring in shock.

“Bri.” Howie said after a minute. “Bri, just ca--”

“Just what Howie? Hmmm? Just what? Calm down? NO, I won’t freakin’ calm down until I know what the hell is going on with my little brother. I swear to God, if he wakes up alone there’s gonna be--”

“Mr. Littrell. I suggest you stop before you say something you regret. Threats are not tolerated in my hospital, especially not on my shift. Now if you would like to remain here with your friends then I suggest you change your attitude or I will have you removed from the premises.” A voice said firmly, interrupting Brian’s tirade.

All four of them looked up at a large Hispanic man, clean-shaven, and around forty, his face showing, he was used to dealing with situations like this.
“Now, it’s you who are here for Mr. Carter, am I correct?” he inquired.

They nodded quietly, unsure of what to say.

“Right, I suggest you all take a seat. Ah, Mr. McLean, I see you’re awake. How do you feel?” the doctor asked walking over to check AJ’s vitals.

“I’d feel better if I knew what was going on with Nick.” AJ replied quietly, still feeling unsure around the doctor.

“All in good time. You seem fine, we should be able to release you tomorrow.” The doctor told him walking back to the end of the bed, and replacing the clipboard, now updated. “Right.” The doctor said taking a deep breath. “First, allow me to introduce myself, I’m Dr. Morales – Nick’s doctor.”

Kevin nodded and held out his hand. “I’m Kevin, this is AJ, Howie and my cousin Brian.”

“Ah yes, Brian and I are old friends.” The doctor replied shaking Kevin’s hand.

Brian snorted in disapproval but said nothing.

“Well technically you’re not allowed to be here, you’re not family and so we’re not permitted to tell you anything.” the doctor said his voice rising as the men in front of him began to protest. “But, we have just spoken with Mr Carter’s father and he has allowed us to tell you anything you need to be told before he arrives.”

“No shit.” Brian muttered, still angry.

The doctor shot him a glance but otherwise ignored the comment. “Also, I understand you five a very close anyway, ‘like brothers’, I believe.”

They nodded in reply.

“Yes, my daughters a big *NSync fan.”

“We’re the Backstreet Boys.” Kevin said dryly.

“Oh, I know. But the whole ‘like brothers’ thing goes with the whole boy-band territory doesn’t it? So I’ve also been told to treat you as though you are his family.”

“Can you please just tell us what’s wrong with Nick?” AJ asked irritated.

“Yes, of course.” The doctor replied. Re-adjusting himself, his face becoming difficult to read. “Judging by the few police reports we’ve had of the accident, it would appear Mr. Carter was--”

“His name’s Nick.” Brian interrupted.

“It would appear Nick, was thrown from the bus through a window after the collision due to the lack of a seat belt. When the driver swerved to avoid the tree, he was going at speed such that when the side of the bus was hit, he lost control. The bus swerved around so it was facing the opposite direction and fell onto its side. It was during this time that Nick went through the window. The police have said the same would have happened to the four of you had you not been wearing seatbelts.
This is a very frightening ordeal to have to go through, as I’m sure you can imagine and can be a great strain on the heart. The test’s we’ve been able to do so far have also shown us that Nick was feeling a great amount of stress and tension, which was not exactly helpful during the crash. As a result, his heart went into over drive. If you think of the heart like a computer, a computer can only run so many programs at once, if it’s doing too many things it will crash, and so with so much going on, Nick’s heart went into cardiac arrest – his heart stopped.
Now, fortunately the paramedics on the scene were able to start it again, but he then proceeded to have a heart attack. We’ve done all we can, but we alone aren’t going to be able to do enough. The cases of this happening are extremely rare, and the chances of it happening to someone are nearly a million to one. Unfortunately Nick is that one. To be able to fully recover from the heart attack, he will need a heart transplant. We have him on a life support machine, but without a heart, he will die. He’s been put on the emergency list, but it could be months before he receives one, and, I’m afraid he doesn’t have that long. I’m sorry, but there’s no more we can do now except hope and pray. I’ll send a nurse down when you can see him as we still have a few more test’s to run, and we’ll get a room set up for you. Once again, I’m sorry.”

And with that, the doctor left the room. For a minute the four of them sat in silence. Kevin swaying slightly as he tried to process what he had just been told, Howie shaking his head in disbelief as he rested on his knees, AJ letting the tears freely fall down his cheeks and Brian scowling at the floor in anger and frustration. Then out of nowhere, Brian stood up and screamed angrily throwing the chair next to him across the room.
“NO!” he screamed. “NO NO NO! This ISN’T happening.” And with that, he stormed out of the room and slammed the door behind him, breaking the window, leaving the other three to stare at the shattered glass.

AJ lay in his bed staring at the ceiling absent-mindedly. His room was silent apart from the occasional footsteps outside and soft snores coming from one of the other two people in the room. Brian had not returned after his outburst, though AJ knew not to worry. Brian wasn’t one to leave Nick alone for long when he was sick. But then, Brian wasn’t one to throw chairs across rooms either. AJ sighed and rubbed his face. He was confused. He had no clue what the hell was going on. Sure, he knew Nick was dying, and Brian had gone off on a rampage somewhere, and Howie was crying and Kevin was talking to himself in his head about how he wasn’t going to let this happen, but he still didn’t understand. You see this wasn’t SUPPOSED to happen, Nick was only supposed to be “dying” from the flu or something equally as un-threatening, and Brian was only ever supposed to go off on a rampage when Nick dyed his hair purple, and Howie was only supposed to cry when he watched It’s A Wonderful Life and Kevin was only supposed to talk to himself in his head when management were being asses, not when Nick was actually dying. No, this was not supposed happening at all.
AJ sighed again. Out of all the people to need heart transplants it had to be Nick, didn’t it? It couldn’t be some weirdo off the street who had been doing crack for twenty years or some 90 year old who had spent more than enough time on earth. Nope, it HAD to be Nick. AJ growled in annoyance, this was becoming ridiculous. “Why us?” he scowled at the ceiling. “Hmm? Don’t you think you’ve put us through enough?” he hissed. “What have we done to keep on deserving this? I don’t see you doing this to anyone else. Just us? Why? Give me one fucking reason--”

“Uh, Mr. McLean.”

AJ’s looked up at the voice that had interrupted his little rant.

“Yes.” He said tonelessly to the nurse at the door. She looked about sixty, much to old to be working in hospital if you asked AJ.

“You can see Mr. Carter now if you wish.” The nurse told him.

“Now?” he asked hopefully.

The nurse nodded. “Has your doctor said you can leave the bed?”

AJ nodded in reply and the nurse motioned for him to follow her. AJ looked at Kevin and Howie’s sleeping forms, debating on whether to wake them up, before deciding against it and following the nurse out of the room.

“Who was it you were arguing with?” The nurse inquired as they stepped in the elevator.

“God.” AJ replied shortly.

“Oh,” the nurse nodded. “Any particular reason why?”

AJ looked at her unimpressed. “Take a guess.” He replied dryly.

The nurse shook her head. “God will give us the strength to carry our burdens or relieve us of them young man. You’ll do well to remember that.”

AJ didn’t reply. He just stared straight ahead. He didn’t need strength from God. He’d never had it before, and he didn’t need it now. He didn’t want help from the very person who was putting him through this.

“Mr. McLean?” The nurse asked him stopping.

He looked up at her and raised an eyebrow.

She frowned but continued. “Mr. Carter is hooked up to a lot of machines at the moment. He’s also got a few cuts and bruises from the crash. I’m just warning you, seeing him may be a bit of a shock.”

AJ swallowed and blinked away tears that had made there way back to his eyes. “Okay.” He said barely above a whisper.

The nurse nodded, smiling gently, and lead him into the room.

AJ followed her, his mind numb. At first he couldn’t seem to focus and all he could see in the room was the bright white lights. He blinked hard, and took a deep breath in, his sight returning. Slowly he turned towards the bed, and his eyes rested upon Nick. “Oh my God.” He said slowly, his voice barely above a whisper. “That, that can’t be him.That’s, that’s not Nick, I’m sorry we’re in the wrong room, that’s not him.” He continued shaking his head.

“Talk to him.” The nurse instructed.

AJ shook his head. “I… I can’t”

“And why is that?” She inquired .

“I… we… we had an argument. I… I… he doesn’t want to listen to me.” AJ replied, hanging his head.

The nurse bit her lip. “The doctors told you about his condition, hasn’t he?” AJ nodded. “I don’t mean to be blunt, but I don’t believe in giving people false hope, it makes things worse. But he doesn’t have a high chance of getting a donor. I think talking to him is the least you can do. He’s probably scared, he’ll want to hear a familiar voice.”

AJ nodded again and wiped away his tears. ‘It’s the least he could do’ he told himself. Then he stopped, a realisation dawning upon him. But what about the most he could do? He had a heart. Nick needed a heart. He didn’t want to be here without Nick. Nick wanted to be here.

“Mr. McLean are you alright?” the nurse asked confused.

“Uh… sorry,” he said clearing his throat. “Uh, could you get me a doctor. A doctor please? I need to speak to him.”

Brian watched as AJ stormed out of the hospital, with only his jeans pulled on under his gown, and get in his car before speeding away. Taking a drag of his cigarette Brian scratched his head. “Where in the hell is he going?” He said quietly to himself quietly.
Stubbing out the cigarette, he coughed slightly and headed back into the hospital, grateful that the press were still unaware as to what had happened, but confused as to how.
He looked at his watch as he headed back to AJ’s room, wondering how long it would take the Carter’s to arrive, hoping they wouldn’t be too late. He shook his head sharply almost immediately after that thought. Nick was going to be fine. He said to himself. Fine. Yeah, whatever. Brian had been through this. He knew all about heart conditions, and he knew damn well that if Nick survived it’d be a miracle.

“You two do realise AJ’s gone?” He said loudly as he walked into AJ’s room.

Howie didn’t stir from his sleep, but Kevin mumbled. “Wha?”

“I said AJ’s gone. He just took off.” Brian repeated.

“Where’d he go?” Kevin replied, trying to shake himself awake.

“Hell if I know.” Brian replied.

“You’ve been smoking again.” Kevin accused.

“So what if I have?” Brian asked, his tone becoming harsh.

“I though you were smarter than that.” Kevin said, his voice like Brian’s.

“Yeah well, now it’s different.”

“Don’t go and fuck yourself up over a bump in the road Brian. He’s gon--”

“A BUMP in the ROAD?” Brian asked angrily. “Our little brother is dying up there and you call this a BUMP in the ROAD?”

“Brian, you know what I meant.”

“No, Kevin. I don’t think I do.” Brian hissed back

Kevin stood up angrily from where he’d been sitting and towered over his cousin “Don’t try and turn this onto me Brian, you know damn well what I meant. He’s gonna be fine.”

“You can’t control death Kevin.” Brian growled.

“Watch me.” Kevin replied, his voice sharp.

Brian let out a sound of disgust and turned away from the taller man. “Screw you man. You’re the one fucking it up. You CAN’T control death Kevin, as much as you may want to. Learn that now, before it’s too late. Again.”

Kevin stared as Brian left the room, quickly wiping away the tears that threatened to fall. No. He COULD control death. And he would.


************


AJ slammed his front door shut, and stomped up the stairs, ignoring the noise he was making, and possibly the damage he was causing. He was furious. The doctor had told him to stop being so ridiculous. To stop being absurd. The doctor had told HIM, AJ McLean! Nobody told AJ McLean he was absurd or ridiculous, because he wasn’t. He was right. Always.
He growled slightly as he began to rummage through the boxes at the back of his closet. He was not absurd dammit, and he would prove it. This doctor obviously didn’t know what it meant to love someone with your whole life. AJ would give his life for Nick’s regardless of what the doctor thought. And if the doctor had to be swayed over AJ’s love for Nick, his little brother. Then AJ would just have to persuade him. He thought to himself as he pulled out a heavy black gun. Wouldn’t he?

Howie gently picked up Nick’s hand and held it in his own. He didn’t know where Kevin was, or Brian and AJ for that matter, but right now he didn’t care. He sighed and squeezed Nick’s hand gently. “Come on Nicky, give me some sign you’re in there.” He said softly to the still figure on the bed. Of course, Nick didn’t reply. Nor did he move, other than the soft rise and fall of his chest as he breathed. Howie sighed again and listened to the steady beeping of the heart monitor, inwardly shuddering. He hated hospitals. Come to think of it though, he didn’t know anyone who didn’t. They were full of death and disease, and rarely a happy memory. For a place that was supposed to cure people, it sure was full of a lot of negativity and dispair.

“You seen AJ?” Kevin asked as he walked into the room.

“Nope.”

“Brian?”

“Nope.”

“The Doctor?”

“Nope.”

“You gonna say anything else?”

“Yeah.” Howie replied quietly, turning around to face Kevin. Kevin raised his eyebrows waiting for a response. “You need to let it out bro.”

“Huh?” Kevin asked. “Let what out?”

Howie frowned. “You know what I mean Kev. Don’t bottle it all up like you did last time. You know what happened then. You were a mess when it finally did all come out together. You don’t have to be strong for us.”

Kevin faltered slightly but recomposed himself. “I’m going to go and try to find the doctor. You gonna stay with him?” He asked, gesturing to Nick.

Howie sighed and nodded. “Yeah.”


************


Kevin rubbed a hand over his face as he left the room and turned down the corridor. He didn’t actually have to see the doctor he just didn’t want to stay in ‘that’ room. If you can’t see it, it doesn’t exist. Kevin’s mother had always told him when he’d gotten scared of things like ghosts as a child. So surely, Kevin thought, if he couldn’t see Nick lying on the hospital bed looking like death, Nick wasn’tlying on the hospital bed looking like death. It was as simple as that. Kevin looked up from his aimless wondering when he heard two familiar voices shouting. He broke into a run as he saw several hospital personal gathered around what was formerly AJ’s recovery room.

“What’s goi…” Kevin trailed when he saw inside the room. AJ was standing nose to nose with the doctor, gun in one of his flailing hands, screaming in his face. Brian was standing at the side shouting at AJ to calm down, and Kevin was surprised to see how calm the doctor looked like.

“I SWEAR to GOD!” AJ screamed taking a step back from the doctor and pacing in a small circle before he turned to the door. “Get the FUCK back.” He screamed at the security personal who were making their way inside. “We’re having a PRIVATE conversation.” As if to stress his point AJ waved the gun around a bit more, Brian visibly flinched, but the doctor didn’t even bat an eyelid. Kevin forced his way into the room.

“AJ--” He began, but AJ interrupted.

“Oh God. What do you want?”

“A clue as to what you’re doing would be nice.” Kevin replied, trying to remain calm.

“Brian knows what I’m doing. Explain it ‘Rok.”

“AJ, I have no idea what you’re doing. I walk down here and I see you waving the gun around like a madman.” Brian told him, trying to calm himself down. “Why don’t you put it down so we can talk?”

“Talk.” AJ spat in disgust. “I triedtalking.” He said as he narrowed his eyes at the doctor. “But apparentlyI was being absurd.”

The doctor took his chance to speak up. “You still are. If you shoot me, who’s going to perform the surgery, hmm? And if you shoot anyone else, then I’ll still refuse to do it.”

“Well if I shoot myself you can’t just let perfectly good organs go to waist can you?” AJ spat back. He didn’t like people making him look stupid.

Kevin and Brian’s jaws dropped. “What?” Kevin asked in shock.

“Alex, man… what are you talking about?” Brian asked, his stomach churning.

AJ turned to them, his face still hard. “What do you mean what am I talking about Bri?”

“AJ, why would you… Aje please don’t tell me you were gonna…” Brian trailed off, shaking his head. This was nothappening.

“I was gonna what Bri?” AJ asked sternly.

Brian gestured to the gun and rubbed his eyes. He could feel tears coming for the first time since the crash.

AJ swallowed as he looked at Brian trying not to cry. He turned to Kevin who looked sick. “Bri,” He began trying to get Brian to look at him. “I was gonna… It was so they could give mine to Nicky Bri.” He said, his own eyes beginning to water. “Brian please, I… it was for Nicky. I didn’t want it to be us without him, I’d rather it be you with no me.” He said as his own tears began to fall. Brian didn’t look up and he turned to Kevin, desperately seeking one of theirs approval.

Kevin shook his head again. “Put the gun down AJ. Nick’s gonna be fine.”

AJ’s face hardened. “No!” He shouted. “No he’s not!” He continued, his voice becoming hysterical. “Didn’t you hear the doctor? Didn’t you hear what he said? The chances of Nick getting a transplant at such short notice are like one in a million. It’s never gonna happen Kevin. NEVER! Someone has to makeit happen.” He chuckled slightly, his voice softening. “And you know me. Never was one to sit around and watch things happen.”

Brian looked up. “AJ, please. Put the gun down. If Nick dies, then it was God’s will.” He said, trying to get through to him.

“Oh shut the fuck up with your God’s will crap Brian. Do you think I care anymore? Look at all the shit ‘God’ has put us through! You’re surgery. Kevin’s Dad. Caroline. Fat ass Pearlman. Well God’s done enough, he can’t have Nicky as well.” AJ said angrily bringing the gun up to his head.

“AJ NO!” Kevin yelled out reaching forwards as AJ began to pull the trigger.

“I love you guys.”

Brian could see it happening. But he couldn’t hear it. He could see it, and smell it and feel it. But he couldn’t hear it.

He saw the gun explode. He could smell the gunpowder as it was released from the cartridge. He felt the bullet hit AJ’s skull. He saw as AJ’s eyes rolled back in his head. And he felt the blood spatter around the room. Onto him, the walls, Kevin and the doctor. And he felt AJ’s lifeless body hit the ground. But he didn’t hear it. Not any of it. His world became a silent movie with those simple words.

“I love you guys.”

And he heard no more. He only saw it, and smelt it, and felt it. But he never heard it.

~~~

“NO!” Kevin screamed, lunging forward at AJ, knocking the gun from his hand. It fell to the floor, firing into the far wall. Kevin ignored the shots and grabbed AJ’s wrists firmly in his hands. “What the fuck are you doing?” He screamed in AJ’s face, as the tattooed singer fought to be released. “What huh? Just tell me. What the fuck are you doing?”

“Get off me!” AJ screamed in Kevin’s face. Ignoring the older mans shouts. “Get off me!”

“Don’t you ever pull a stunt like that again. Ever!” Kevin continued to scream. “Not one of us is going to die today. You hear me? Not today, or tomorrow. Not ever. You hear me?” He asked, shaking AJ. “You hear me Alex? You understand?” He shook his younger brother. AJ didn’t reply, he was weakly attempting to get Kevin off of him. “Alex.” Kevin said firmly. “Look at me dammit.” He said, pulling AJ up by his wrists as he began to let his knees give way. AJ looked up at Kevin’s gaze. “Do you understand?” Kevin asked. “Do you understand?”

“Yes.” AJ said barely above a whisper, nodding his head. “Yes.”

Kevin’s face softened. “Good.” He pulled AJ into a hug, supporting nearly his whole weight. “We’re gonna be okay. You got that? We’re gonna be fine.”

AJ nodded, burying his head in Kevin’s shoulders as tears started to fall.

“We’re gonna be fine.”

~~~

Brian turned to look at AJ and Kevin. Kevin was silently reassuring AJ. Promising him everything would be fine. That they would be okay. Brian looked back at the gun, and rubbed his face with his hands. He didn’t hear it, because it didn’t happen.

~~~

“Bri.” Kevin said, looking at his cousin as he pulled away from AJ, though one arm still supporting him. “Yo, Brian.”

Brian slowly turned his attention away from the gun and to his cousin. “Yeah?” He said, his voice hoarse. He cleared his throat. “Yeah?” He repeated.

“Let’s get back to Nicky.” Kevin told him, his brow furrowed as he studied Brian’s face.

Brian stared blankly at him for a minute before nodding. “Yeah.”

Kevin motioned for him to lead the way, and watched him suspiciously as he did. He did a slight double take when he noticed that all the people but two of the security guards had gone. He turned to the doctor.

“Just make sure it doesn’t happen again.” Was all the doctor said.

Kevin nodded and followed Brian down the hall towards Nick’s room.

~~~

Howie looked up and saw the three of them walking towards him. If he had had the will power or energy he would have run to meet them. But he didn’t. He didn’t have anything anymore.

Brian eyed his friend suspiciously as he approached but said nothing once he reached him. Kevin and AJ joined them a moment later. Kevin stepped away from AJ, leaning him onto Brian who didn’t really seem to notice.

“What is it Howie?” Kevin asked worriedly, taking in the singers pale features.

Howie swallowed and blinked back the tears in his eyes as they searched the ceiling for answers, opening his mouth to speak before shutting it again.

“Howie? D’, what is it man?”

Howie’s eyes flicked to Kevin’s. “He’s gone Kev. He’s gone. He was there and then… it just stopped. He flatlined.” He paused and took a deep breath, swallowing the sob rising in his throat. “Nicky’s dead.”

Brian stared at Howie before looking at Kevin. Kevin looked like he was going to be sick. His mouth was moving but Brian couldn’t hear anything coming out. He was just silently mouthing things to himself. Brian turned his attention to AJ who had somehow in the last few seconds gone from leaning on his shoulder to kneeling on the floor. Brian raised an eyebrow at the younger man. He was evidently sobbing. Silently. Brian frowned and finally looked to Howie. His head was hung and tears were flowing freely down his face, he appeared to be mumbling something but it was too quiet for Brian to hear. It was all too quiet, Brian thought to himself, watching as the hospital staff silently ran backwards and forwards around them, as he sat down in one of the many seats that lined the hospital corridors. Too, too quiet.

~~~

AJ bought his clenched fist up to his mouth; his other hand wrapped around it and willed himself not to cry. “I didn’t mean it.” He whispered. “I never meant it Nick. I’m sorry.” He finished, his voice barely audible as it threatened to break.

~~~

Kevin shook his head. No. He thought to himself. No, no, no, no, no. Just no. There was no way. Simply no. It wasn’t happening again. “No.” He thought again, whispering the word out loud, his voice watery. “Not again.”

~~~

Howie wiped at his eyes, hoping to stop the tears that were continually tracking their way down his face. He sniffed, trying to pull himself together. It was like a nightmare. He thought to himself. No. “It is a nightmare.” He whispered.

~~~

“It’s a nightmare.”

A what?

“It’s a nightmare sweetie, come on just open your eyes for me.”

A nightmare?

“Come on baby, open up.”

It didn’t happen. None of it did. They were all okay.

“Please sweetie. Come on, open your eyes.” The voice was desperate and pleading, crying almost.

Slowly Nick opened his eyes. “Momma?” He croaked, as he saw his mother to his side desperately clutching his hand. “Momma?” He repeated again, his voice unnaturally high.

Jane had tears in her eyes. “Oh baby, you’re awake. I was so worried.”

Nick swallowed, his own tears threatening to fall. He was so confused and he hurt everywhere. “Momma, what happened? I… the guys… what happened? I… where are they…” He began to ramble, his voice shaking. What had happened?

Jane bit her lip and tried to hold back more tears.

Nick’s face fell from one of confusion to fear and he began to shake his head. “No, momma, no. They were there, I… they were all there and they were talking… it didn’t happen, it was just a nightmare. It was just...”

Tears began to make their way down Jane’s face. “I’m sorry sweetie.”

Nick was still shaking his head, tears beginning to fall. “No, mom, no, no, no…” His tears drowned out his words.

“I’m sorry baby… They didn’t make it.”

~~~

“This is Suchin Pak for a special MTV news bulletin. We’re receiving confirmed reports that Backstreet Boys AJ McLean, Brian Littrell, Howie Dorough and Kevin Richardson have died after their tour bus crashed earlier today en route from New York to Washington. The condition of youngest Backstreet Boy Nick Carter is still unknown but it is being said that he suffered the least injuries of all the boys.
The group which has bought us hits for over ten years and has sold over 20 million albums, only recently celebrated breaking the album sales record again for their most recent release GLORY, and were due to begin their tour in Washington tomorrow.
The Boys, who have always been known for their determination and love for one another as well as their fans, will be sorely missed by all at MTV. Our thoughts and prayers go out to their family, friends and fans. Be sure to stay tuned to MTV as we bring you all the news on this story as it happens.”