This was going to be it, this was the tour, this was the year, she was gonna tell him. She was going to be bold, straightforward, honest and truthful about it for the first time in five years. She would not be afraid, she would not back down, she would not let her emotions get in her way.

            “Amy!” She almost melted at the words and when she saw that smile, oh, her little heart. Well, there’s always next year…

            Amelia Yurikovich stood at the baggage claim, waiting for her best friend to arrive. She yawned loudly, trying not to admit how tired she was from the previous night’s party. She’d just finished a six month tour with a band and had flown directly from that tour to this one. She heard a yell from across the room and saw one of her best friends streaking towards her.

            “Can you believe it! Another fucking tour and yet I still have no friggen clue as how to operate the switch board!” Lucy Faustenberg screeched, her arm around her best friend’s neck, pulling her close. She was a tall, powerfully muscled black woman with shockingly blond hair a total contrast to Amelia who was barely five feet tall, petite, brown haired, very Russian and therefore totally pale.

            “I got the switch boards, you handle the back up singing thing,” Amelia replied laughing.

            “The singing thing? The singing thing? Honey, didn’t you apply yet?” Lucy asked, eye brows raised to a precarious height on her forehead.

            “I thought about it, but I’m really better on stage management, you know.”

            “You mean you’re better at hiding out backstage.”

            “I didn’t say that!”

            “Then you need to tell Kestin that you want to be a back up singer. We got room honey, and I’m telling you, the bunch we got this year is worse than before. Think Dancing With the Stars singers crossed with American Idol winners,” Lucy did a jazz hands motions and horror flashed across her face as she walked down the terminal with Amelia to the baggage claim.

            “Ouch,” Amelia replied with a grimace.

            “You’re telling me. I don’t know how they manage to do it every tour, but they drag in the sorriest bunch I’ve ever heard. You honey, you should be back up. We need the soprano! I’m only good for so much, then send in falsetto man, and he sounds worse than Justin Timberlake getting kicked in the balls.”

            “I’m not good for much, Luce, that’s why I stay backstage.”

            “Honey, really, I’m not talking about a recording career or anything, but you got a voice, you should use it. Hell, I don’t think I’d want to be out there, doing that shit, and really, I can’t write to save my life. I like to sing, so do you, just go for it.”

            “Eh, sorry, you know my rules, I never go after what I want,” Amelia laughed at her own predicament.

            “You gonna say something this time or spend the whole tour as a bipolar?” Amelia looked at Lucy bewildered.

            “What?”

            “You get all happy for a while when you get to spend some time with the guy, then you freak out because you don’t want him to figure it out, and then you’re all upset because you’re that close to him and can’t or won’t tell him, do I need to continue?”

            “No, I think you laid out my inhibitions quite well, no need to continue,” Amelia snorted.

            “It’s true, you can’t lie to me about that. You like the guy, god dammit you love the bastard and you won’t open your mouth and tell him.”

            “You’re being a little harsh, don’t you think?”

            “No, cause I’m sick of listening to you bitch about it. Five years sweetie, it starts to add up,” Lucy said holding up her hand to illustrate the five years.

            “Just get your luggage and shut up,” Amelia said as they took a spot at the conveyor belt to look for Lucy’s bags.

            “What is the worst thing that could happen, honestly, tell me that?”

            “Worst thing? Um, lets see, it would be the most embarrassing moment of my life and he would be embarrassed, and just in general, what if he just thinks I’m some love sick freak?”

            “You are some love sick freak, honey, a drooling, stalking, five year, hold onto the stupid note he gave you, stolen glances, excuses to spend time together, need to get it off your chest, love sick freak.”

            “By the way Lucy, you’re fat, stupid, ugly and unattractive,” Amelia snapped.

            “Hey, I calls ‘em likes I sees ‘em. There, grab that one.” Amelia grabbed the banana yellow duffel bag and yanked it off the belt.

            “Do you think that I have even a chance with him?” She couldn’t help it, she had to ask.

            “Meals, for the millionth time, yes! Girl, go on, make your move, the man is yours for the taking. He hasn’t been on a date since you met him, what does that say to you?”

            “That he’s busy.”

            “Oh shut up. There, that one.” Amelia went after a matching yellowing backpack.

            “I just mean, I don’t know, I don’t remember what I mean. Anyway, let’s change the subject, t minus twenty seven hours and thirty one minutes before I have to deal with that again,” Amelia said, checking her watch.

            “I really don’t want to hear it Meals, really. If you’re so worked up about it, maybe you should switch to the Christina tour, so you won’t have to deal with all this stuff. But you better decide quick.”

            “I don’t want to work on the Christina tour, she’s got an entire circus, literally, I don’t have time enough to learn the concert crap.”

            “Oh please, you took on Britney’s last tour, the night before her first concert. You jazzed that thing up in a matter of seconds, don’t give me that!”

            “Aside from that, I already signed on, plus, I don’t want to run away from Leighanne and you, you guys are my best friends.”

            “I’m glad we’re in there somewhere. Anyway, what tour did you just get off from anyway?”

            “Red Hot Chili Peppers, it was a good tour, long though. I hope this tour is a little shorter.”

            “I know, I haven’t seen you in person for nearly seven months and we live in the same town.”

            “So sorry, I have to work you know.”

            “Have to, or want to. It keeps you out of Miami for long stretches at a time, where another certain person lives.”

            “Get off it will you?”

            “But you won’t. You got to make a decision honey, either make it or break it, otherwise I’m gonna break your neck!”

            “I got this one,” Amelia recognized Lucy’s third and final bag, another large banana yellow duffel bag, with a large red stain along one side.

            “That was the best party,” Lucy remarked, looking at the bag and smiling.

            “You mean where you drank sangria until you were so drunk that you tripped over your own feet then puked all over your bag?”

            “Yeah, that one.”

            “You are insane. So what is on the agenda for the night?”

            “Getting as drunk as possible before we have to deal with the prudes and the recovering addicts, that’s what.”

            “Sounds good to me.”

            “Do you miss doing that stuff in college?”

            “What, the partying, the drinking all the time?”

            “Yeah, that, and the fun stuff, dating, hanging out, even going to class, learning something once in a while.” This took Amelia by surprise. She shouldered one of Lucy’s bags and motioned for them to go towards the door.

            “I guess you could say that. I mean, that was fun, you, me, Leighanne, sharing that crappy suite on campus, but we had it, eight straight semesters, the crazy girls on the third floor, suite 108, Lenard Hall. Going to see Leigh in every single play, inviting Brian over to play poker and watch them play kissy face. Drinking with the neighbors, who was it, Jimmy Lee and Andover, playing the guitar, singing Spanish songs with British accents, guessing at the words most of the time. Yeah, I do in a way. But I don’t miss working in the dining hall, or scrounging up change to call home, or wondering if I’d ever have a job in music and business.”

            “That was loaded, I didn’t know I was asking so profound a question. Taxi!” Lucy called, thrusting her arm out into the cool November air of the New York streets.

            “Hey, you asked. Besides, you know you miss all of that crap too, otherwise you wouldn’t have asked me.”

            “Yeah yeah, I know.” They got a cab and it wasn’t long before they got to their hotel that was a Backstreet Boy Tour free zone until the next evening, something that Amelia was glad for. 

            They got settled in their room where they would be for the next week while they rehearsed for the upcoming tour. It was Amelia’s fourth tour with the Backstreet Boys, she’d done the “Never Gone”, “Black and Blue”, “Millennium”, as well as Nick’s solo tour and AJ’s Johnny No Name shows with Lucy in tow. The rest of the time she worked tours for the other J records clients as well as anyone who offered her a gig. She’d managed stage for Christina Aguilera, Britney Spears, O-Town, Nsync, Green Day, Hilary Duff, Snoop Dogg, Justin Timberlake and Jessica Simpson while she wasn’t taking care of the Backstreeters. It was one week in New York for rehearsals, then the first show at Madison Square Gardens and off to start the tour.

            She wasn’t ready to see AJ again, she wasn’t ready to deal with him every day for the next four months. It was precisely the reason why she stayed out of town on business so that she could avoid him. But, in that process, she also ditched Lucy who lived in Miami.

            So how did she fall in love with a man that couldn’t tell she loved him? That’s the easy part. It started on the first tour she ever worked with them. She met him and spent so much time together in the first week that they were affectionately named by the rest of their friends, “the dynamic duo” before the end of the month,. They spent so much time together that it was impossible for them to realize that there were other people on the tour. They talked about everything, read the same books, rented movies and even shared a suite on occasion. When she was looking for a place to live, he suggested Miami and even got Howie to find her a house just down the block from his own.

He would come over almost every day when they weren’t on tour, he was always around. After three years of being friends with him, she just couldn’t stand the closeness all the time so she started working more and more. She wasn’t home as much but when she was, he was around, and he was there, always watching, always smiling, always there but unavailable.  She didn’t mean to fall in love with him, but she did and she was scared to death to tell him.

When they got to the room Lucy jumped on the phone to room service to bring up drinking supplies while Amelia slung their luggage unceremoniously into the closet. Once that was accomplished she dragged out Lucy’s CD collection from her backpack and began to look for drinking music.

“I got a bottle of red, because I know you like it, a bottle of zin and a bottle of Yellow Tail. Also a six pack of beers, tequila and all the equipment, rum, coke, for, you guessed it, rum and coke, Bacardi, and vodka and orange juice for the hangovers were gonna need to dull down in the morning.”

“Sounds good.” Amelia replied, shuffling through the CDs.

“Throw on the BEP’s, that’s drinking music. Say, didn’t you just do a tour with them or something?”

“Nah, I was offered, but I took up Hillary Duff’s tour instead. She was a cute kid, not a bad set either. Relatively simple concerts really, that’s why I took her instead. Plus, she was paying more. That’s always a bonus.” Amelia popped the CD into the player as Lucy went to the closet to get some more comfortable clothes.

“So what are you going to tell Mr. Fancy Pants this time?” Lucy asked.

“About what?”

“About why you decided to skip town and take, yet another tour, when he asked you to go on a trip with him. He wanted you two to go to Japan together. For shit sake honey, he’s been learning how to speak Japanese just for that purpose!” Amelia balked at this information. He’d given her a Japanese phrase book for her last birthday and she’d never even cracked it. She’d freaked out about the idea of going somewhere with just him, that’s why she had signed up for the Chili Peppers tour so fast.

“He was calling me, looking for you so that he could finalize the dates. Didn’t he tell you that?”

“Well, I didn’t exactly talk to him, while I was on this tour,” Amelia cringed and waited for Lucy to throw a CD case at her head, which inevitably followed.

“Hey, no more two disc sets, they leave a mark!” Amelia whined, rubbing her head where Lucy’s copy of Michael Jackson: History had made contact with her head.

“You haven’t talked to him in six months! What is wrong with you?” Lucy shouted.

“I was busy, I didn’t have time!”

“Didn’t have time? You are always on tour, you never have time! Don’t give me that crap. You really messed up on this one Amelia, you love the guy, so you push him away, that’s not exactly gonna work you know.” Lucy stood, hands on her hips as she shook her head at her friend.

“Look, Lucy, you don’t want to hear about it anymore, I’m fine with that, I won’t talk about it anymore. Besides, I’m sick of talking about it. Really, you don’t know what I’m going through, so it’s useless to talk about it. So lets drop it. I won’t bring up AJ anymore, as long as you don’t,” Amelia got up off the floor and went to get the door for room service. She tipped the bellhop and brought in the cart.

“All I’m saying is that if you’re not gonna tell him, and you’re still gonna be his friend, that it’s not fair that you treat him this way. He doesn’t understand why you treat him like that and if he doesn’t know, then it is really not fair.”

“I’m not gonna talk about this anymore. We’re done, we’re moving on, I’m not talking about him.”

“Amy, come on,” Lucy tried, walking over to the cart where Amelia was pouring herself a glass of red wine.

“Don’t call me Amy, all right, just let me alone. I’m not talking about it.” She walked away from the cart with her wine and took a seat on the couch, kicking off her shoes. Lucy got herself a glass of wine also and followed her friend.

“Why can’t I call you Amy?”

“Because, he calls me Amy. No body else can call me Amy.”

“Oh, so we are back onto him then?”

“No, we’re not.”

“Look, Melia, just say it out loud for once, let yourself hear it. It won’t sound as bad as you think it does.”

“No.”

“Meals,”

“No! I just won’t. He isn’t gonna know. So let it go at that.”

“So, you don’t love him anymore?”

“No, of course I do. I love him, okay? I love Alexander James McLean! I’ve loved him since I met him five years ago, and I probably always will, and I won’t get over it. Okay, are you satisfied?” Amelia looked over at Lucy and saw that she was smiling.

“What?” Amelia snapped.

“It’s just nice to hear you admit it. Seriously though, and not to be mean either. What is it that made you fall for him?” Amelia rolled her eyes.

“We’ve been over this, haven’t we?”

“Yeah, but we’re getting hammered, so we probably won’t remember this in the morning.”

“Good point.”

“So, spit it out.”

“All right, all right, let me see.” Amelia turned to face Lucy, both hands cradling her glass of red wine.

“When I met him, he just had this personality, this way of, I don’t know, genuinely being happy to meet a new person. He made me feel so welcome and I wasn’t afraid to get to know him. I’ve never met anyone and right away liked them. I mean guys, you and Leighanne, that’s totally different.”

“I know, you’ve never trusted men.”

“Anyway, besides the fact that he is handsome, of course, the tattoos, I’ve always gotten a kick out of them. It’s amazing the way he can express himself like that.”

“And you wish you were brave enough to express yourself, right?”

“I express myself!”

“Not as boldly as he does. But keep going.”

“Okay, well, he’s not afraid to mess up. Like one time I was watching him and the guys practice harmony. And he would miss this same part again and again. So much that he finally stopped the guys and figured it out with all of them listening to him struggle and work it out it until he had it right. I’d be too embarrassed to do that.”

“Even though you can sing, and play guitar.”

“So what? I do that as a hobby.”

“That’s your excuse.”

“So, going on.”

“Right, keep going.”

“And he’s just so, easy to be around. I never felt like I had to be anyone but myself around him. I didn’t have to pretend to be the gracious goody two shoes scholarship recipient, the dutiful perfect respectable Russian daughter, the doesn’t matter that I’m the pretty but poor girl, the girl that is not friends with a black girl and a Baptist because her parents raised her to only to befriend other Russians. I was able to be, me. Just plain old Amelia May, and that was plenty for him.” Lucy caught wind of a bit of Amelia’s old accent, which only came up when she was upset or emotional. It was a signal to Lucy that the subject was getting touchy.

“Your parents certainly didn’t object to my being black once I introduced them to my father, Hector Faustenberg, Mayor of Lexington and one of the most famous Lawyers in the US, did they?”

“That helped. It’s a good thing though that Leigh lied and said she had a Russian great grandmother or something. My mother still believes she met her at some point,” Amelia shook her head and laughed.

“I never realized how much that meant to you Meals,” Lucy took a sip of her wine and looked over at Amelia, she was still brewing.

“There’s a lot of stuff that got to me. Stills gets to me. Every time I go home, it gets to me. That’s why I almost never go home. I show up once or twice a year, get the lecture that I’m too old to not be married and having babies, I should be grateful for being brought to America, grateful for getting a scholarship. Grateful for an offer to be married to an old family friend. If I’m such an ingrate, I ought to be burning where I sit.” Amelia gulped her wine.

“They really did find a husband for you?” Lucy asked incredulously.

“Yup. He’s fifty. Good and rich too. You’d swear we were back in the fifteenth century. What’s the point of me getting that scholarship and going to college to get a job if I’m supposed to throw it all away to be married to the first guy that comes along?” There was more Russia in her voice than Lucy wanted to tell her about. They better get back to the conversation at hand before things got ugly. And when Amelia talked about her parents, things got ugly.

“Anyway, AJ we’re talking about here.” That got Amelia to shake out of her trance.

“Yeah, AJ. He accepts me for me. And he’s just got this sixth sense when it comes to me. He always can figure out if I’m upset, or I had a bad day, or I just need someone to sit there while I cry like a blubbering moron. He’s just a beautiful person. I couldn’t imagine a person that brave to go through what he’s been through, and still be so wonderful and open.”

“Is that one of the reasons that you haven’t told him?”

“Is what one of the reasons?”

“That he was fresh out of rehab when you met him?”

“What has that got to do with anything?”

“Well, maybe you were worried about him, maybe you didn’t want to push him too fast.”

“I guess so. I never did want to burden him with a relationship, not after all he’d been through.”

“But there’s one thing that you’re missing.”

“What’s that?”

“It’s been five years, what have you been waiting for? I doubt he’s still using rehab as an excuse why he doesn’t have a girlfriend.”

“I’m so used to not admitting it, I don’t know what I’d do if I actually told him.”

“Let me ask you something. If he knew, and he felt the same way, what would you do?”

“I don’t know. I’ve only dreamt about stuff like that.”

“What’s your dream like?”

“It’s not much of a dream, but I wake up, and he’s in bed with me, like he’s always been there or something. Then he wakes up saying, ‘Morning Amy Doll’ and puts his arms around me. Then, just when he’s about to kiss me I really wake up, and I’m shaking all over and I can barely breathe.”

“That’s really sweet,” Lucy smiled.

“Yeah, and I’ve had that dream about a thousand times. And every time I have that dream, AJ shows up the next morning, he must have, I don’t know, bat radar when it comes to that dream. I feel so awkward around him after that.”

            “You always feel awkward around him anymore. He’s starting to wonder why you’re so weird sometimes.”

            “He is?”

            “Yeah, that’s what I mean about not telling him. He doesn’t understand why you ignore him.”

            “I haven’t exactly been the best friend to him, really, I haven’t.”

            “No, you haven’t.”

            “Do you think, I mean, and I know I’ve asked you this a hundred times before, but I want a real answer this time, no tricks, no laughing, nothing like that. If I told him, I mean really told him the truth, do you think that he would freak out?”

            “Meals, I’m only gonna tell you this one more time. AJ is your best friend, he loves you, maybe not in the same way, but he really cares about you. I’m sure that he’d be surprised, but I do not think, not for a moment, that he would freak out or push you away. AJ would never purposely hurt you like that, not in million years.”

            “How do I get the courage to tell him? Cause I don’t want to be like, you know, sixteen again, having someone give someone else a note for me, you know what I mean?”

            “I know sweetie, but you got to tell him, and soon, otherwise you’re gonna go nuts, or we’ll kill ya, okay?” Lucy asked, smiling.

            “Yeah, I know, I know.” Amelia laughed and took a sip of her wine.

            “So are you gonna tell him?” Amelia took a deep breath and looked up at Lucy.

            “Yeah, I am. Cause I can’t do this tour with him being around all the time. And I can’t keep pushing him away for a reason that he doesn’t even know about. It’s not fair to him, and it’s not fair to me.”

            “That’s my girl, that’s what I like to hear.”

            “Yeah, and now I’ll I need is the guts to actually go through with it.”

            “Why do you think I ordered the Bacardi?”

Amelia woke up with a dull headache. Sun was shining right in her face and she groaned as she rolled over and looked at the clock. 10:04 AM. She didn’t want to be up.

            “Drink this.” There was a glass in front of her face when she opened her eyes again.

            “Have I told you lately that I love you Lucy?” she said, sitting up and taking the glass. Ice cold screwdriver, it was exactly what she needed.

            “Not nearly enough. Drink up, here’s to another tour,” Lucy knocked her glass into Amelia’s and plopped down on the bed beside her still semi-sleeping friend. Amelia leaned up on her elbows and sipped at the orange and vodka. The familiar bitter and tang filled her mouth and she swilled it around her tongue for moment before swallowing. Her headache lessened in a moment.

            “Can you believe it, here we are, again, another fucking tour. Did you ever think we would be spending so much time working together?” Lucy asked, looking straight ahead, still barely awake herself as she drank her own screwdriver.

            “Not really. I thought I’d end up as a goddamn band teacher at our old middle school,” Amelia groaned as she struggled to sit up.

            “Yeah, I would have been the friggen choir teacher. Face it sweetie, we were meant to be, cheers,” Lucy and Amelia clinked their glasses together again.

            During the course of the evening Lucy and Amelia had worked their way through all of the wine, most of the beers, half a bottle of Bacardi and about a third of the bottle of rum. Amelia had really over done it, she knew she had, and Lucy, knowing what a foul mood this tour was sure to put Amelia in, felt it was only fair to get just as drunk as her best friend.

            “Amelia, what are you gonna do this tour?” Lucy asked, both of them knowing exactly what she was talking about.

            “What am I gonna do?” She looked over at Lucy.

            “Yeah,” Lucy rubbed one eye and turned to look at Amelia.

            “What do you think?”

            “Be bipolar?”

            “Nope.”

            “Kill yourself?”

            “Nope.”

            “Then what? There ain’t nothing else for you to do?” Amelia sat up, took a long sip on the screwdriver and said,

            “I’m gonna tell him.” Lucy looked as though she hadn’t heard anything.

            “Tell him what?”

            “I’m gonna tell him I love him.” Again, Lucy looked as though she had not heard a word that Amelia had said.

            “I swear on my signed copy of the Stunt album by the barenakedladies,” Amelia held up her hand. Lucy let out a shrill scream and flung her screwdriver to the floor as she jumped on top of Amelia, dumping orange juice and vodka all over the bed covers.

            “You really mean it! Oh my god! You swore on your signed Stunt album! That’s it, we have to start making plans for the wedding!” Lucy was screaming at the top of her lungs as she squeezed the air out of Amelia’s.

            “Take it easy!” Amelia laughed, trying to push Lucy off, but she was not to be deterred.

            “Dear lord this girl is finally gonna tell him! Thank you sweet Jesus it’s a miracle!” Lucy hollered loud enough for someone in the next room to hear them.

            “It’s not that big a deal Lucy,” Amelia struggled to say as she tried to untangle herself from the bed sheets soaked in orange juice and vodka, Lucy jumping up and down on the bed.

            “Dear god, you’re gonna kill me.” Amelia finally extricated herself from the mess and stood up once she got to the edge of the bed.

            “Well, it’s not everyday that you admit you’re gonna tell the love of your life that you’ve been crushing on him for five years. I’m excited for you girl!” Lucy slung herself around Amelia’s neck again and she felt her airways constricted.

            “Lucy, come on, knock it off!” Amelia shoved Lucy off of herself roughly and shook herself to get the feeling back into her neck. Lucy collapsed on the bed in a fit of giggles and watched her best friend.

            “You’re really gonna tell him?”

            “Yeah, I’m really gonna tell him. Have I ever said I was going to do something that I didn’t do follow through with?” Amelia may have had a lot of faults, but one thing that she always did was follow through. She never said something and didn’t go through with it. That meant she was dependable, and Lucy loved that about her. It was one of the reasons that Lucy stuck around, even though Amelia was annoying and self depreciating and worked entirely too much.

            “No, of course not. Good old dependable Meals.”

            “Watch who you’re calling old, you’re not too far off of twenty-seven either.”

            “Yeah, yeah, so when are you going to tell the boy so you two can ride off into the sunset?”

            “Soon, okay, soon. But I want to just get into the groove of the tour and then I’ll tell him. I don’t want to start the tour off with ‘Oh hey, I know I haven’t spoken to you in six months, but by the way, I’m in love with you.’ Doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue.” Amelia went to the closet to fish out some clothes that weren’t soaked in alcohol.

            “Look at it this way, it’ll be an interesting way to break the news to him. Just think, one day you could tell your grandkids this story.”

            “Definitely not what I was going for. I just have to find the right moment. Cause I just don’t want to spring it on him. I want it to be right.”

            “Honey, seriously, any moment is gonna be the right moment. He is gonna finally know the truth, and maybe we can finally get the truth out of him,” Lucy put a hand on Amelia’s arm and squeezed it gently.

            “What truth?” Amelia wrinkled her nose in confusion.

            “The truth that you are the perfect girl for him and he should so realize how special you are and snatch you up before you get away from him. That truth.”

            “Don’t scare me like that Luce.”

            “Darling, all it takes is a bit of a suggestion, then the men realize their mistake and the rest is history. How do you think Brian and Leighanne got together?”

            “They’re both freaks,” Amelia replied.

            “Bad example. But don’t wimp out on me, we’ll find the perfect way for you break the news and you’ll be walking down the aisle by next June.”

            “Well don’t you just know everything!”

            “I try,” Lucy chuckled and patted Amelia on the back.

Howie stood in the empty waiting room near the windows so that he could see when the plane arrived. AJ’s flight would be arriving in about five minutes if it was on time. He was glad that they’d be able to get this leg of the tour over with. He wanted to see AJ in the flesh. See him with his own two eyes so that he’d be able to know, know what AJ had been promising with each and every phone call.

            Each time they spoke, Howie would ask him how the sobriety was doing. Each time AJ had replied with a “doing just fine”. That was until recently when AJ went off on him. The last time Howie had asked, AJ went on a five minute diatribe of how tired he was of everyone asking and making sure. His sobriety was, “doing just fine, like it is all the time.” Howie wasn’t convinced because his asking had never been answered with such hostility. AJ got on the defensive when there were things he didn’t want people to know. AJ may not have realized it but he’d already planted the seeds to keep Howie watching him carefully.

             “Howard Dorough, I swear to God that this is the last tour I am doing with you unless you cut your damn frizzy hair!” Howie turned to the voice and saw AJ in the door of the waiting room. The plane had landed and he hadn’t even noticed. He smiled as he looked at his best friend and began to walk towards him. The two friends shared a hug and a handshake grinning at each other.

            “Can you believe this shit, fifteen years and we’re still doing it?” AJ laughed.

            “I suppose. Stranger things have happened. What time are the rest of the guys coming in?” Howie replied.

            “Not sure, but they’ll meet us at the hotel. Either tonight or tomorrow. Nick I know won’t be here until tomorrow night. He couldn’t get any earlier flight, damn airport grounded about a hundred planes. He was lucky to get the flight he did.” AJ and Howie walked through the metal detectors and out into the main terminal that was thankfully empty because of the late hour. Both preferred the red eye flights that were less crowded and left the airports blessedly empty. If they did run into any fans they were usually as tired and low keys as the guys, and were pleased with merely an autograph or a handshake.

            “Any word from Kevin or Brian?”
            “Nope. Nick probably knows about Brian, and Brian knows about Kevin.”

            “The girls coming?”

            “Leighanne is of course. She plans on spending the whole tour with Lucy and Amelia. Brian couldn’t make her stay home if he tried. Kristen, I don’t think she’s coming, she had something come up and supposedly she’ll be spending the summer working on some book.”

            “And what about Amelia?” Howie asked, eyebrow raised.

            “She’ll be managing the stage, just like the last three tours she’s been on,” AJ replied, obviously ignoring Howie’s gaze.

            “Ah, the old avoidance tactic, I see how this is going to work,” Howie chuckled, why wouldn’t AJ take off the sun glasses?

            “Same tactic she’s been using. I haven’t spoken to the woman in six months,” he replied pathetically as he and Howie got into the back of the cab that had taken Amelia and Lucy to their hotel only a few hours prior.

            “Really? What happened? You two have another lovers’ spat?” Howie laughed but stopped when he saw the look on AJ’s face.

            “I don’t know what happened. I was planning on a trip to Japan with her, but then she got booked on another tour, I didn’t hear from her.”

            “She got busy, that’s all,” Howie tried.

            “We’re all always busy, but that doesn’t stop us from making phone calls. I think she’s really mad at me.” AJ unconsciously took out his phone and checked it for messages, messages from Amelia, like he always hoped for.

            “She didn’t call AJ, don’t expect a message,” Howie replied, looking over at his best friend, hastily putting away the phone.

            “I don’t know what I did, what I said, to make her ignore me.”

            “Why don’t you try that whole thing that you’ve been ignoring for the past five years?” Howie took out his own phone and checked to see if any of the guys had texted him.

            “Nick’s got on his plane,” Howie announced, scrolling through the message and returning a text.

            “Good.” AJ replied, hoping the moment had passed.

            “So, that thing, ignored for past five years, wanna talk about it?” Howie quickly closed the phone and returned it to his pocket.

            “What do you want me to say?” AJ asked.

            “I want you to admit it and stop putting it off before something happens that you’ll really regret.”

            “What’s gonna happen that I’ll regret?” AJ’s brow furrowed and he was confused.

            “That she might find someone else and leave you all the more upset and lonely, that’s what.” Howie knew he was being rather blunt but it was about time AJ realized the truth.

            But AJ didn’t look perturbed by Howie blurting out this truth. Instead he looked at his lap and picked at a fingernail.

            “I know, I know, dear lord do I know,” AJ sighed.

            “Dude, come on, just admit it, you know what you want to do,” Howie reasoned.

            “I know that too. But what if she just wants to be friends though?” AJ picked up his head and looked over at Howie.

            “Hold on,” Howie replied as they pulled up to the back of the hotel. He and AJ got out of the car, paid the driver and gave the baggage man their room number. They waited till they were safely ensconced in their room, baggage brought up before bringing up the issue again. Howie was hungry so he ordered some room service; coffee, danish and a selection of soda for AJ.

            Plopping down on the couch, AJ knew it would be impossible to sleep now that he was thinking about her. It always was. He laid his head back and covered his eyes with linked fingers. Howie took out a stack of real estate papers and began to go through them one at a time.

            “Why don’t you go to bed?” Howie asked.

            “I can’t, not sleepy anymore.”

            “Are we back at the touchy subject?”

            “I suppose so.” Howie put down his papers and turned to look seriously at AJ.

            “D, I really do not know what to do. How the hell would I even bring the subject up?” AJ almost whined.

            “Have you ever tried?”

            “No, of course not. Why would I? It’s not something we’ve ever discussed. We don’t talk about relationship stuff, never did.”

            “You never talked about that kind of relationship? Nothing?”
            “Nope. It just never seemed to come up. I mean for one, I’m single, two, she’s single, so it wasn’t like either one of us ever was complaining about their partner, you know what I mean?” AJ asked, genuinely interested in Howie’s answer.

            “Wow, you two are strange. Never talking about relationships. What about just being flat out honest? I mean, how hard would that be for you? You’re always pretty point blank, this is what it is.” AJ considered his answer for a moment, but replied,

            “No. That is not gonna work. Especially coming back off a six month stint without talking to her. That nearly killed me. Besides that I’m not sure what she was mad about, so I don’t want to move that fast without knowing what I did. I want to make up for it.” Howie knew how deeply AJ had been hurt by the absence of Amelia. AJ was sensitive to such a degree that sometimes Howie was not surprised that AJ had ended up in rehab. Amelia had been everything for AJ in the last five years, sometimes even more than his guys had ever been. Thinking about it, Amelia had been a lot to AJ in the years AR, after rehab. Once out of there, he’d focused on her. Howie, at the time, thought it was a good thing, now, not so much. Maybe he depended on Amelia a little too much.

            “AJ, I’m gonna tell you right now, the reason she did not call you is because she was busy. I talked to Lucy a few weeks back and she said that Amelia wasn’t calling her either. Amelia was really busy. No one heard from her, not just you,” Howie explained.

            “I talked to Lucy too, and yeah, that is what she told me, but I can’t help think that there is another reason.” AJ sat brooding for a moment and Howie watched him.

            “Don’t over think the situation. Just go for it. What is the worst thing that could possibly happen?” Howie asked, an eye brow raised high on his forehead.

            “She’d freak out and never speak to me again.” AJ looked very serious as he said this. But Howie merely laughed.

            “Dude, she would never do that to anyone, let alone you. Think about it, you are her best friend, she could not do that to you. It might be a little weird for a while, but hey it happens. Other than that, I don’t see what the point is in waiting around. You’ve got nothing to lose but a bunch of lonely nights and everything to gain. A beautiful woman that you get along with and likes you, Aje, there is not much you could ask for in a woman.” AJ listened and logically he knew that Howie was right, he usually was. It did not make sense to wait around and ignore the possibility of something more with the woman he’d been friends with for five years. However, logic was one thing, feelings were another, and he couldn’t quite shake the feeling that he was going to lose everything if he told her. If he told her the truth. The truth that he, AJ McLean loved her. AJ McLean loved Amelia May.

            Loved her, he had loved her ever since he had met her on that rainy April morning, the eleventh, five years ago. She’d worn her dark brown hair long and soft, covering her bare shoulders, a loose fitting baby blue tank top and faded blue jeans with her favorite sneakers. She’d been standing with her back to him as Leighanne and Lucy were laughing at something she’d said, Brian waving him over to the group of giggling girls. She was twenty-two, three years veteran of the music industry, one of Brian’s “little sisters” since high school and a visceral genius when it came to organization.

            He’d walked over and Lucy had moved to admit him into the circle. He was standing directly across from said siren and felt as if he was falling between the floorboards. She finally turned to him and her eyes were a mix of brown, green and gold, light enough to light up her face yet still keep a secret behind him. Her eyes kept a smile held into place and he felt his own lips smile.

            “Hi, I’m Amelia May Yurikovich, but you can call me,”

            “Amy,” AJ interrupted her as they shook hands.

            “I was actually gonna say Meals, but Amy works too.”

            “That’s AJ, and you can call him AJ,” Brian laughed at his own joke.

            “Brian, sweetie, that’s never been funny.” Leighanne said as she patted Brian’s arm.

            “So, you’re the new Stage Manager?” AJ asked.

            “You got it. Just for a couple months or so until the tour manager finds someone else. I’m booked on another tour at the end of June. Some girl group, Eden’s Crush, or something like that, they won that Popstars show.”

            “Oh, yeah, I remember that, poor Meals, has to deal with those crappy TV groups, yet again,” Lucy chimed.

            “Hey, O-Town was not that bad. They have a pretty good sound when compared to Nsync.” Amelia protested.

            “Well, just wait till you hear us,” AJ grinned.

            “I’m Brian’s designated little sister, I have to like the music,” Amelia elbowed Brian affectionately.

            “That’s good to know,” AJ laughed slightly.

            “So do you want something?”

            “Huh?” AJ woke out of his reverie and saw Howie standing beside the room service cart that must have arrived in the midst of his trance.

            “I guess, whatever, I don’t really care.” Howie grabbed a can of Coke and tossed it to AJ before taking a danish and cup of coffee.

            “Given anymore thought to what I said?” Howie asked, resuming his seat and watching AJ pop his soda.

            “I have. Very much so.”

            “Do you know then?”

            “I’ve got to do something. I don’t know what. I got to figure out the right way to tell her.”

            “So you are gonna tell her?” Howie tried to clarify.

            “Well, yeah, I am. I can’t live like this anymore. Really can’t. So I’ll do it. I’ll tell her.”

            “Good, now that that is settled, you can help me figure out some of these papers,” Howie clapped his hands together and dove back into the pile of folders on the coffee table. AJ however was staring off into space, his fingers tracing the top of the can as he thought.

            I could tell her. I mean really, she is my best friend, and she is such a good friend. She really would not hold it against me. She’s not that kind of person. Maybe, maybe she’d even be happy about it. Maybe she would feel the same way too. That’s it, think positively. Just stay positive. Things could turn out better than you hope.

            “Howie?” AJ asked turning to his friend who was now fully immersed in a stack of ecology reports, a pencil stuck behind his ear and a pen in his teeth.

            “Yeah?” He didn’t look up from his things.

            “Are you sure that she wouldn’t freak out?” Howie rolled his eyes, sighed and stuffed the papers back in the folder, shoving them away.

            “I knew I wasn’t gonna get anything done tonight,” Howie shook his head and laughed at AJ who was also smiling.

            “So, what were you saying about this doll again?” Howie asked, turning completely around to face AJ fully.

            “Amy Doll, “ AJ corrected, “I call her Amy Doll. What I was asking was, you’re sure that she wouldn’t freak out on me?”
            “I’ve known her as long as you have, not as close mind you, and you’re asking me?”

            “I know! But come on Howie, I’m going on seven years single! I don’t exactly know how to read the opposite sex! I need some help man.”

            “Dude, you have to tell her. You really do, cause call me crazy, you’ve never been all that subtle and honestly, you hang on her a little more than is really acceptable for a ‘boy-friend’” Howie used the air quotes to accent “boy-friend”.

            “I do not,” AJ scoffed.

            “AJ, the only thing that you two don’t do is make out and have sex. Other than that, the relationship is there.”

            “I wouldn’t say that, Howie,” AJ replied incredulously.

            “Dude, seriously? You carry her around on your shoulder at the drop of a hat, share a suite, hold her hand all the time, sit by her at every single meeting or whatever, talk to her on the phone every single day, not to mention the fact that if either one of you did have a partner they would be seriously pissed at the amount of touching you two do. ” AJ interrupted waving his hands at Howie.

“What are you talking about?” AJ asked, seriously not getting what Howie was talking about.

“Dude, you and her have absolutely no boundaries. She grabs your ass so much that her hands probably have more contact with your butt than your boxers, and you have gotten a hell of a lot of touchy feely with the twins,” Howie replied, stony faced as he picked up his cup of coffee and sipped at it. AJ’s eyes went wide as he looked at Howie, Sweet D, the polite and nice and proper Backstreet Boy.

“Don’t look so surprised, I’m glad for you man. But really you got to think about what I’m saying!” Howie started to laugh at the look on AJ’s face and soon he was laughing too.

            “Okay, I get it, I get it. Aw man.”

            “I’m telling you. You have the relationship, all that remains is for you to tell her that you want her. I think that she feels the same way that you do, but she just hasn’t been able to tell you. I mean, you two are an awful lot alike. Here both of you are, like a couple of love sick puppies and yet neither one of you can get up the courage to tell the other one.”

            “Aren’t you jumping the gun, just a little bit?” AJ asked.

            “Aje, if I’m wrong about this, I’ll, I’ll cut my damn frizzy hair,” Howie replied with a grin.

            “All right, I’m gonna hold you to that one,” AJ laughed.

            “I better be right then.”

AJ said goodnight  to Howie and left him with his real estate papers. He went to his room and closed the door, closing his eyes and sighing as the lock clicked in place. He had certain misgivings of what this tour would bring. He was wondering if it were just nerves or if he was beginning to tire of the game tours played on him. Sure, here he was now, with Amelia in the proximity after a six month absence in his life, but what about those six months she hadn’t been around? Of course he’d only been substituting one addiction for another, and in her absence, well, he fell off the wagon.

            More like flew off the wagon and slid twenty feet into a brick wall.

            He was trying to act like this wasn’t happening again. Like he wasn’t using a substance to curb his moods and avoid the pain his empty personal life was sticking to him. He would have to be extremely careful, to avoid any detection this time. Unfortunately, once bitten, twice shy, everyone would be on the lookout for odd behavior, even more than five years later.

            He just had to control it. Had to be careful. Could not drink his old stand by, JD, Mr. Daniels, his old friend. He had other tricks up his sleeve. The one good thing about being in rehab, he’d learned lots of tricks about hiding alcohol. The most important one of all, had to be cover up the smell. The best way to do that was to drink Vodka, it had no odor, nothing that would give him away. On the plus side was that it was clear, so even if he spilled it, no stains and he could hide it in nearly anything. He just had to make sure he got rid of the bottles, easiest to do with the minis, which he could buy almost anywhere. Then the trick he’d picked up from a girl who left rehab only to relapse as soon as she got out, was to hide the vodka in an empty hair spray bottle. That way he could keep it in his bag at all times and not worry about someone taking it.

            “Thank god for vain friends that like certain hair products,” AJ mused.

            The hard part would be stopping when he needed to. He had to drink enough to take the edge off and not enough to make him fall over. Stumbling around incoherently was a sure sign to get the antennas up. Just enough to make it easy to be around Amelia without acting like the lovesick moron he was. Just enough to make it that much easier to sleep at night and not dream about her.

            Who was he kidding. He was a wuss, destroying six years of sobriety over a woman. No, he couldn’t blame her. She had done nothing wrong. He was not going to blame Amelia for his problem. If he was going to continue drinking, he’d be a man and at the very least admit it to himself. He was an addict. Always gonna be an addict and he was just too weak to live life without a bit of chemical help.

            The hardest one to fool was going to be Kevin. Kevin, the one that had come into his hotel room and kicked his ass that morning, so many years ago. Kevin would find out, and it would be all the worse. Kevin would be pissed, Brian disappointed, Nick upset and Howie would be downright devastated. Not to mention his mother who he would let down big time. What a way to repay her after she’d written that book about his life and getting sober. What a shitty thing to do to the woman who’d taken care of him his entire life, all the way through the addictions and afterward.

            The only thing he could hope for was that if Kevin did find out, he wouldn’t beat the shit out of him this time. He still had the scar where he’d fallen into the dresser when Kevin threw him across the room. He rubbed the scar absentmindedly, a long thin piece of scar tissue running about three inches from his lower back to his hipbone and thought for a moment.

            “What about Amelia?” What if she found out? She was strictly AR, after rehab, so she didn’t know how bad it was before he’d been to rehab. He might be okay with her, she might forgive him. But if he could do this. If he could be responsible, if he could show them he was okay with alcohol, then it would be all right, wouldn’t it?

            “Listen to yourself!” He started at his reflection in the bathroom mirror and really looked into his own eyes.

            “You are never going to be able to ‘drink responsibly’ you are never going to be okay with booze. You got to have it all the time, or not at all. Admit you’re a fucking pussy and get on with it!” He touched a hand to his reflection in the mirror and ran the other through his hair. God, when did this get easier?

            He looked down at the counter, there was that bottle of “hairspray”. He took a deep breath, closed his eyes and reached for it.

Hey everyone, I'm well into the story, tentatively titled "Stupid Little Things" and I wanted the reader's opinion. Who should Howie end up with? I know you don't have a lot of info yet, but as I move further along you'll have more to go on. I look forward to your input! So e-mail me with suggestions, I can't wait to hear what you've got to say!

Hit me at WitchyFlorist@aol.com

Thanks,

Sam

Hey everyone, I'm well into the story, tentatively titled "Stupid Little Things" and I wanted the reader's opinion. Who should Howie end up with? I know you don't have a lot of info yet, but as I move further along you'll have more to go on. I look forward to your input! So e-mail me with suggestions, I can't wait to hear what you've got to say!

Hit me at WitchyFlorist@aol.com

Thanks,

Sam

Hey everyone, I'm well into the story, tentatively titled "Stupid Little Things" and I wanted the reader's opinion. Who should Howie end up with? I know you don't have a lot of info yet, but as I move further along you'll have more to go on. I look forward to your input! So e-mail me with suggestions, I can't wait to hear what you've got to say!

Hit me at WitchyFlorist@aol.com

Thanks,

Sam

Hey everyone, I'm well into the story, tentatively titled "Stupid Little Things" and I wanted the reader's opinion. Who should Howie end up with? I know you don't have a lot of info yet, but as I move further along you'll have more to go on. I look forward to your input! So e-mail me with suggestions, I can't wait to hear what you've got to say!

Hit me at WitchyFlorist@aol.com

Thanks,

Sam

             It was officially the beginning of the “Lyrics in the Attic” tour. Everyone had already arrived, was arriving or would be arriving within the next twelve hours. When the tour was not on everyone was scattered to the four corners of the country. Lucy and Amelia had been the first people to arrive, followed closely by AJ and Howie. Kevin and Brian coming on the Red Eye the following evening and Nick was en route as they went about their day. Crew members were showing up left and right, everyone finding each other and greeting their old friends. New crew members were taken under Kestin Kale’s protective tour manager’s wings and shown around. The performers, aside from the boys, such as the backup singers and band trickled in one by one to their giant shared suit.

            Amelia felt her nervous energy ebb and the excited energy of a new tour flow through her. A tour always got her blood going. Especially a tour with all of her friends. With her years in the music industry she had made plenty of friends, but none so dear as those on the Backstreet tours. Aside from that, the Backstreet tours were what had made her a success. If not for Brian asking her to fill in for a couple of months, she would have never gotten as far as she did. She wasn’t exactly a commodity in the industry when she started out. Like anything else, when just beginning, you got the crappy job, and that’s what she had. She’d moved up through the ranks with hard work, but a lot depended on who you knew and what you were willing to do with it. But either way she would have been happy. It didn’t matter if she was managing stage for Backstreet Boys or the next big flop, she still would have given it her all.

            As each person came in the realization that AJ would be arriving, or had arrived already was no longer percolating, but brought to full strength brew. She knew that sooner or later, sooner probably, that she and AJ were going to come face to face and she would have to explain. So she knew that it was going to be difficult. It was going to be hard. And she really was not looking forward to it. She was looking forward to seeing AJ, just not facing the rotten thing she’d done in not calling him for the past six months.

            She knew it would be difficult and she knew he would be hurt. AJ was by all means a sensitive person. He took things deeply and personally, even if he didn’t always show it to the world. Knowing that much about him, she should have been a better friend.

            She had tried to call him, many times. She’d picked up the phone, dialed his number and hung up before she had even hit SEND. She’d done that about a million times, fully intending to call him and explain herself. But she didn’t. Six hours became six days, and six days became six weeks, and six weeks became six months without any contact. Each day it became easier not to call. She convinced herself that he would be angry with her and not want to talk to her. Each voicemail she received was sadder than the last, he wasn’t angry, he just missed her.

            What had she been afraid of? She’d known him for five years, what was it that he could have possibly said that she couldn’t handle? What was she worried about? Hadn’t she had hundreds and thousands of conversations with him before? Hadn’t they kept in constant and close touch whenever either one was not around? So what was the problem?

            At first she was afraid of being caught off guard. The small things he did that caused her to stop and stare at him or forget to speak. She was afraid that she would falter when she heard the tones of his voice or the gentle laughter that let her know he was smiling. That she would forget herself and blurt it all out. Blurt out the secret she had been so carefully guarding all of these years. She had always been susceptible to the small changes in his expression, his voice, the way he walked or moved around her. The smallest thing would cause her to lose her concentration and catch herself just staring at him.

            There was also the other issue. She was afraid, as more time went by, that he had found someone. She was afraid that AJ would eventually find a girl worthy of his affections (it certainly would not be Amelia, who couldn’t do him the courtesy to call once in six months) and fall in love with her. Amelia did not know what she would do if that happened. Her entire world might crash around her and all of her friends from the Backstreet tours would probably never had seen her again. She would not put herself in the position where she had to watch AJ love someone else, it would be too painful.

            But that call never came through. AJ was just as single at the end of the six months as he was at the beginning. He had nothing on the horizon and no prospects at a worthy date.

            Now she had to deal with the dumb decision she had made.

            The call came in, the one Amelia had been hoping and dreading. AJ and Howie were in the hotel. Lucy was on the phone, grinning as she talked to Howie and stared at Amelia.

            “Of course dahling, we’ll be there. Right back atcha babe, bye bye.” Lucy snapped her phone shut.

            “We’re meeting them for lunch at one o’clock. That means you got one hour to pretty yourself up for Mr. Right,” Lucy said as she pointed her phone at Amelia. Amelia felt her stomach go all butterflish.

            “Don’t give me that look. Besides, I saved you a really awkward situation. AJ was just gonna pop in here, but I got Howie to talk him out of it. And by the way, talking about eighth grade notes about who likes who, I’m getting sick and tired of being you and AJ’s middlewoman. So from now on, you do yous messages yo’self!” Lucy tossed her phone on the bed and went to the closet to get her bag out.

            “He was gonna come here?” Amelia asked, twirling a piece of hair nervously around her finger.

            “Yes he was deary, but he’s not going to now. What do you think of this skirt, okay?” Lucy held up a skirt to her slim frame and turned to Amelia who ignored her.

            “Was he upset?”

            “Ugh, you are useless,” Lucy tossed the skirt into the bag and turned back to her friend.

            “He thought that you were mad at him for something he did or said. However, Howie told AJ what I told him, and now he thinks that you were busy, that’s why you ignored him. And quite honestly I think he bought it. So as long as you stick to that story, I think you’ll be fine. What about these, too dressy?” Lucy held out a pair of pants and still Amelia ignored her.

            “So he’s not mad?”

            “Amelia, answer me about the pants first!” Amelia looked at the pants and nodded.

            “Yeah, too dressy. So he’s not mad at me?”

            “No, he’s not mad at you. He’s worried that you were mad at him, but Howie convinced him. How about this skirt?” Lucy held up another skirt, shorter this time in a light blue denim.

            “Better. Howie talked him out of coming?”

            “Yeah, he did. This top with it?” Amelia considered the outfit and nodded.

            “Good, I thought so too.” Lucy went to the bathroom to shower and change and left Amelia with her thoughts.

            She was slumped on the couch, not wanting to bother with getting dressed when she knew that she was just going to be uncomfortable no matter what she put on. She was going to have lunch with the man that she loved and couldn’t tell him.

            There was a knock on the door. Her heart froze, then she remembered what Lucy said and realized that the only person that knew where they were was Kestin, the tour manager and that she could deal with. Pulling herself up off the couch, not willingly, she went to the door, pulling up her jeans as she went. There was another knock on the door before she got there.

            “All right, I’m coming, I’m coming,” she muttered as she yanked open the door. Her heart stopped. One beat, two beats, three beats gone. AJ was framed in the doorway. Her heart started again.

            “I just wanted to make sure you were not mad at me. Howie said you weren’t, but I wanted to make sure,” AJ said softly, watching her. She still hadn’t said anything.

            “You are mad at me. I said or did something didn’t I?” He was terrified. She knew it, she hated to see him that way. She didn’t want to see him that way. She stepped up to him and wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him into her body. She was home.

            “I, am such, a bitch,” she said softly, feeling his arms close around her.

            “I am so sorry AJ, I am a fucking idiot.” He hugged her tighter and sighed in relief.

            “I thought you were so mad at me,” he replied quietly.

            “Aja, no, no no no, no Aja, I was just being stupid, so freaking stupid. I am so glad to see you,” he grinned at her nickname for him. He knew things were all right.

            “You want to come in?” she asked, not ready to let him go.

            “Yeah, I do,” but he did not let go either. She let the hug linger a little longer but knew that it was not a good idea to been seen hugging AJ in the hallway of a hotel at the beginning of a new tour. She had enough problems without dodging questions from the photographers. She did not want to end up plastered all over the tabloids, and she did not want AJ to have to deal with the questions either.

            Reluctantly she let him go and pulled him inside the room and closed the door. She took a hold of his hand and led him in towards the living room to go sit down, but he stopped. She looked back when she realized that he wasn’t following her.

            “Come on Aja,” she laughed slightly, but the look on his face made the smile drop off of hers. His face looked serious, sad, as if he had been thinking about something that had him really worried. She stepped back up to him, placing a hand on his shoulder and looking up into his face.

            “What’s wrong kid?” she asked and his brown eyes had never looked so sad. She felt like she was looking into the sad eyes of a little kicked puppy and she hated it. He closed his eyes as if he were struggling not to cry.

            “Amelia, I,” he started then stopped, shaking his head.

            “Aja, what’s wrong, you look like you’ve been worrying a problem to death sweetie.” He looked up and away from her for a moment, sighed and returned to her gaze. She rubbed his shoulder gently and squeezed it.

            They stood this way for a few silent minutes and Amelia was terrified that something had happened. Maybe he had used and was trying to tell her. She remembered their conversations in which he had feared he might use when he desperately didn’t want to. He was scared to death he would let down his mom, his friends, her, if he made that kind of mistake.

            Then he did something so unexpected that Amelia was completely caught off guard. He leaned down, clasped her head between his hands and kissed her. She did not know whether she should pull away or move towards him. She did not know what he was saying to her, whether this was something to get away from what he really wanted to tell her or if it was a confirmation of the feelings that she had for him. She didn’t want to get lost in the kiss without knowing what it was about, but she couldn’t help it.

            It was such a soft, innocent kiss, just his lips pressed against hers, his hands gently cradling her face as he leaned down to kiss her. She cursed herself for being so short, how was she supposed to kiss a man more than a foot taller than herself? He acted as though he were reading her mind and rectified the problem immediately. He let go of her face and gathered her up in his arms, lifting her clear off the floor in one smooth motion, holding her tiny frame against his own.

            “Hey Meals, we should, oh, oh, sorry!” Lucy was coming out of the bedroom when she saw Amelia and AJ, quickly dodging back into the room to give them their privacy. Silently she jumped up and down cheering for both of her friends, but she really didn’t want to butt in on their first kiss.

            “Uh, I guess Lucy saw us,” AJ’s lips broke away and she looked into his eyes, letting him know she was confused.

            “I guess since it is her room, I should have expected that she would be around,” AJ spoke, but he still didn’t let her go.

            “And considering that these are my lips, I think you ought to expect that I ask why you kissed them,” Amelia replied with a slight smirk. He chuckled and finally put her down, though he kept his arms around her.

            “I figured you might want to know about that, I guess we should, sit down and talk,” AJ replied, still laughing a bit nervously, but he didn’t move.

            “I’m just gonna get out of here, leave you two, to, I’m just gonna go,” Lucy put a hand up to shield the view as she quickly dashed from the bedroom to the door.

            “Shall we sit down?” Amelia asked, once Lucy was gone.

            “Uh, yeah, I think we should.” AJ finally let her go but she took his hand and led him to the couch where they both sat down. She held his hand in both of hers and looked at his fingers linked with hers.

            “What’s wrong Aja? What are you trying to tell me?” Amelia asked softly. He was quiet for a moment and then looked at her.

            “This is gonna sound kinda corny, I know it is,” his cheeks flushed slightly and he shook his head.

            “No, it won’t. No matter what it is, I won’t laugh, I promise,” she assured him. He closed his eyes for a moment and wondered about what to say next. He stood up and began to pace.

            “Do you remember the day we met?” he asked, continuing to pace.

            “Of course I do,” she smiled at him.

            “I think about that day a lot,” he replied.

            “So do I.”

            “And do you remember what happened that day?”

            “I’m not sure I follow,” she replied with some confusion.

            “I remember, when we met, you were wearing this blue tank top, and your hair was down, curly and soft down around your shoulders. But it was rainy that day, and you got cold so you put on this red sweater, it had these really big white buttons on it. It was way too big for you and just about the ugliest thing I’ve ever seen, but you looked so beautiful in it. I remember wondering how it was possible for anyone to make a sweater that ugly, look so beautiful.” He continued to pace but she laughed in spite of the story.

“You’re right, that is an ugly sweater,” she said softly with a smile. He was too nervous to smile so he continued.

“Then later, when we went to lunch, you sat down next to me. I was so nervous that I’d say something stupid and you’d forever think I was a dork. But you were laughing and talking to me like you’d known me forever within a few minutes.”

“And that was a big thing for me Aja, you ask Lucy and Leighanne, I never trusted men, none that I met right away. It even took me a while to get used to Brian,” Amelia explained.

“Leigh’s mentioned that a few times. Anyways, during a story, you flung your arm out, hit me in the face and a button came flying off the sleeve and landed in my soup. I gave it back to you and you set it next to your plate, while you blushed the color of your sweater, but you forgot it. When we left, I saw it there, and grabbed it. It’s been in my wallet ever since.” Here he took out his wallet and pulled out the button. He held it out for her to see.

            “Why would you save a button?” She asked, taking the button from his hands and examining it for herself. She held it up and squinted as she looked through the buttonhole at him.

            “For the same reason you won’t get rid of that sweater, no matter how pilly it gets, how much it stretches out,” AJ replied as she dropped the button back into his palm.

            “Cause it’s comfortable?” She asked, shrugging her shoulders. He began to pace again, putting the button back into his wallet behind pictures of him and Amy in a photo booth.

            “No, not the word I was looking for, though I guess that could work too.”

            “Now I got something to tell you,” he said, not bothering to look at her. She pulled her legs up under her and sat crossed legged on the couch as he paced before her.

            “What?”

            “Well, it’s kinda hard.”

            “Aja, you know, no matter what, I won’t laugh at you, I swear,” she replied.

            “Then try this.” He finally stopped pacing and looked at her, suddenly staring into her eyes so hard that she felt her eyes burning to blink.

            “I’m in love with you. Have been since the first day we met and I’ve been living with the secret for these last five years.” She kept her promise and did not laugh at him. Her heart began to pound heavily in rhythm to his resumed pacing. She felt as if her chest cavity would burst she was swelling with so much feeling.

            “I know it sounds crazy and I’m nuts, but I can’t help it. And I just couldn’t let the opportunity pass me by. And I was afraid that while you were gone you had found somebody to be with and maybe you did that because I had done something to push you away,” he rambled on for about a minute before Amy interrupted him.

            “Aja,” she said softly, placing a hand on his wrist.

            “What?” he asked pathetically, finally turning to look at her.

“You want to know why I’ve been acting all weird and not answering your phone calls? Why I’ve been treating the way I do and ignoring you?” she asked.

“Why?”

“Cause for the last five years I’ve been trying to stay away from you. Cause it was too hard to be that near you all the time and not say the one thing that has always been on my mind since the day I met you,” she looked at him, nervous this time and he saw that she was scared.

“What Amy? What couldn’t you say to me?”

“That I was in love with you too.” They both looked at one another. It was a serious moment for them and then out of nowhere they both collapsed into a fit of laughing. Amelia fell over on the couch and clutched her sides as she guffawed while AJ was trying to remain standing as he tried to breathe. His knees gave out and he didn’t fight it, rolling on the floor amidst shrill peels of laughter.

            After a few moments they both calmed down and AJ took a seat on the couch next to her.

            “So, now what do we do?” she asked.

            “I’m not sure, but, it’s real nice, knowing that I didn’t make a complete fool out of myself,” he chuckled, looking over at her.

            “You didn’t make a fool of yourself. It was very sweet,” Amelia leaned into him and took his hand in both of hers again.

            “I was so nervous, I was really afraid,” he replied timidly. She turned to him and took his face in her hands.

            “You don’t ever have to feel that way again. Never sweetie.” His brown eyes even though full of relief contained a bit of fear. She wanted to make it go away. She never wanted to see that in his eyes, not if she could do something about it.

            “That’s good to know.” The sadness was beginning to ebb away and she kissed him this time. She slid her arms around his neck and this time and they were both ready for it. Their lips fit together exactly like she always thought they should and it felt so wonderful to kiss him like this.

            He reciprocated and it was if a thousand years that had been building were falling away. The kiss reignited everything that had been burning for the last five years and he remembered the reasons why he had risked coming here like a fool and saying what he just did. Her tongue sparked against his own and he nearly came undone. The girl of his dreams had become the girl of his reality and here he was holding her and kissing her as he had always imagined.

            The nights he had dreamed about this, the number of times Howie had to smack him and wake him up from a day dream, the times he had walked into things when he was staring at her, all leading up to this moment. This moment that was more than perfect. This moment was everything he could have hoped for. This moment was being ruined by the shrill ringing of his cell phone.

            He fumbled for his pocket while not pulling away from Amelia and took out the cell phone, tossing it across the room. It landed with a soft thud on the carpet by the door. The ringing went away and Amelia’s hands were tugging at the hem of his shirt when the ringing stopped.

            She pressed her hands under his shirt and slid her fingers up and along his spine, making him tremble. He broke his lips away from hers and trailed his lips down her jaw bone. She was peeling his shirt off and over his head when the phone went off again.

            “Ignore it,” Amelia said as she threw the shirt over the back of the couch. She came back to him and they were kissing again, her hands touching every inch of his back, but the phone would not stop ringing.

            “Grrr,” Amelia groaned as AJ stood up and picked up the phone off the floor. She fell back against the couch, running her fingers through her hair as she watched AJ flip open his phone.

            “Whatya want?” he grumbled as he pushed the speaker phone.

            “Stop making out with your girlfriend and come join us for lunch,” Howie replied jovially.

            “Luce!” AJ snapped.

            “Sorry sweetie, I couldn’t help it!” Lucy chimed in from the background.

            “Thanks Lucy, really appreciate it.”

            “Like I didn’t know what you were up to already. Come on, you and the girlfriend can get to know each other better tonight. We’re having lunch and then Kevin and Brian will be here.”

            “And Leighanne will be here in a bit. Meals, Leigh, and I are going out, so you and the boys get to babysit Baylee.” Lucy piped in. Meals wanted to groan but she didn’t. She knew how much Leighanne looked forward to time with the girls, especially since she’d had Baylee. Amelia could not turn down a night out with her two best friends.

            “Okay, we’ll be down in a minute.”

            “None of that quickie business AJ, you make sure that girl gets what she’s been waiting for, and that is not a five minute session!” Lucy crowed and Amelia blushed a furious scarlet. AJ snapped the phone shut and shook his head as his own face flushed.

            “I can’t believe that shit,” Amelia said with her eyes closed and her hands covering her face. She felt AJ sit down beside her.

            “Hey, don’t let them do that to you. You’re not ashamed of us, right?” AJ was close to her and looking into her eyes.

            “Of course not. I’m not ashamed of you.”

            “Then let her talk her big mouth. Let Howie flap his gums, but remember that the only people that matter are us. I know you and we’ll be whatever we want to be. And we’ll keep this, between us. Cause I have a feeling we’re gonna get a lot more of that and I don’t want you to be scared off.” Amelia knew that his words were well founded. Lucy mouthed off about things that Amelia thought should have been kept private. Her sex life was her own business and Lucy would not be getting those details.

            “Okay,” Amelia replied.

            “Then I guess we should get down there before they call again.” AJ grabbed his shirt up from the floor and tugged it back on over his head. Amelia watched him for a moment, ran her fingers through her hair one more time and stood.

            “We’re there, aren’t we AJ?” she asked softly. He looked at her as he was walking towards her.

            “Always have been.”

AJ waited in the living room while Amelia changed and allowed himself to smile at what had happened. She emerged few minutes later and he dutifully took her hand and led her out to the hallway.

            Amelia had never felt more sure of any situation she had ever been in. She knew that everything was right, she was happy and nothing was going to get in the way of it this time. Only last night she had been worrying about how she was going to last however long it was before she got up the nerve to tell AJ what she had been feeling. Now she was in his arms and he’d been the one to break the news that he was feeling the same way. If she’d only known how good this felt before she wouldn’t have hesitated to say something to him.

            As they walked to the elevator they ran into a few of the stage crew that welcomed them back but did not mention that they were holding hands. It was odd to think about it now, but this was what they had always done. He had always held her hand, they were always close to one another. Unless someone saw them kissing, they were not exactly going to know what had happened. She knew that AJ was taking things slow because he knew that as soon as the news was on Lucy’s lips it was bound to be around the tour in mere moments. A musical tour was basically a traveling high school. Gossip was food for the masses as there was little else to do between rehearsals, shows and traveling. Who was dating who, the latest rumors, who was fighting with who, conflicts, drama and anything else to create a bit of interest on the dull bus rides.

            As soon as the elevator doors closed he pulled her in close to him and sighed deeply. It felt so good to be so near to him and be like this with him. It was a gorgeous thing to her, love like this. Reciprocated love, mutually returned and longed for. For once in her life she had gotten what she wanted and hell be damned if she was going to let anyone ruin it for her.

            “Just like I always wanted,” he said softly. She laughed and smiled at him. The elevator came to rest at the first floor and they were out, holding hands like they always would.

            “Just remember, Lucy is gonna be an ass. Howie too, don’t let them get to you,” AJ gently reminded her. He didn’t have to. Amelia knew what Lucy was like.

            “And just remember this, I love you.”  He whispered this to her just as they entered the restaurant and saw Howie and Lucy stand up. She gripped his hand tighter in her own and smiled.

            “Stop dreaming about fucking AJ and wake the fuck up!” Amelia jumped and opened her eyes to see Lucy standing at the foot of the bed. She had been dreaming.

            Amelia sat up groggily and heard the click of a glass being set on the nightstand beside her. She glanced to see that it was a screwdriver and nodded gratefully as she grabbed the ice cold glass and took a sip.

            “Don’t you know that it’s considered rude to fantasize about screwing a guy that is staying in the same hotel without offering to screw him for real?” Lucy asked as she plopped on the bed next to Amelia who was too busy shaking her head and sipping at the vodka and orange to say anything. When she came up for air she replied,

            “You do realize that there are certain things that you should keep to yourself and not say out loud, right?”

            “Oh please, yes I’m going to be so worried about Howie’s virgin ears. Meanwhile which of the Backstreeters was caught out back of a club getting head from a fan?” Amelia jerked her head up and wrinkled her eyebrows.

            “You never told me that!”

            “Didn’t I? I was the one that found him. Had to make him give me a courteous blow job in return, just so I wouldn’t tell, ti he,” Lucy bounced off the bed and took a slurp of her own screwdriver. Amelia scratched her head and shook it once more.

            “Really Luce, there are just some things I don’t need to know about you and Howie.”

            “Oh please, just because he and I are fuck buddies and you can’t admit that you’d like to jump his best friend’s bones, is no reason to be jealous,” Lucy replied as she refilled her glass and trotted over to the closet.

            “I’m not jealous, I’m just a bit over informed of you two’s so called relationship.” Amelia sipped some more of her drink and felt the pain in her head ebb away.

            “He and I have no problem with our relationship; it’s you and AJ, and Kevin, obviously,  that seem to be so perturbed by it. Haven’t you ever heard of friends with benefits? It’s been quite satisfying for me,” Lucy waggled her eyebrows. Amelia just shook her head and resumed drinking her screwdriver.

            “Yeah, and meanwhile you only see each other on tours, never mind a relationship that satisfies more than what’s between your legs.”

            “That requires an entirely different type of guy. A sweet, polite, even tempered, handsome and most importantly, okay with me sleeping around. Because you don’t get good sex and a life partner in the same package.” Amelia rolled her eyes. If only her parents knew what her best friend was really like, they’d pack her up, take her back to Russia and find her a nice quiet husband with which to have a nice round dozen of kids.

            “You do realize that there are some people that disagree with you?” Amelia replied with a raised eyebrow.

            “What, like you?”

            “Yes like me.”

            “What do you know about it? The only experience you’ve got is with that asshole you finally had the sense to dump after, what eight years? And I certainly wouldn’t call him relationship material.”

            “Lets not talk about Jordan, please. I left him behind a long time ago.” Amelia shivered slightly, not wanting to remember the man that had eaten up her entire high school and college years. Lucy turned around and opened her eyes wide.

            “Oh yes, lets talk about Jordan. The evil maniacal, twisted sick fuck, for which it took you getting hit several times, to realize what an asshole he was, even though your best friends had been telling you for years he was that said, evil, maniacal, twisted sick fuck,” Lucy gestured with the hand that held her drink and Amelia cringed as a little vodka and orange spilled on the rug.

            “How about how he made you so scared to even consider going out on a date with anyone else that you refused at least a dozen blind dates that Leigh and I set you up with, or how you won’t trust any man at all because you think he’ll be like Jordan!” Lucy often got loud and self righteous when she talked about Jordan. Amelia couldn’t blame her, she was right. Jordan had taken her and twisted her inside out before leaving her with two black eyes when she told him she was breaking up with him.

            It was not a good relationship. Amelia was so desperate to be in a relationship with someone because Leigh and Lucy always had boyfriends that she agreed to go out with the first boy that had asked her. She was sure at some point that she had loved him. In the beginning things were okay. They went out, they had fun, she liked being with him. Then he became controlling. He expected Amelia to spend her time with him and only him. He didn’t want her to spend time with Leigh and Lucy. He thought she was cheating on him. Another time she was wearing too much makeup. The clothes she wore were too revealing. Everything upset him.

            After high school, when she went to college, they remained a couple, long distance. But Amelia was away from him and that meant Lucy and Leighanne had a chance to make her see what he really was. Unfortunately for him, that’s exactly what happened.

            When Amelia went home after graduation, she decided that it was time to talk to Jordan and break it off. Aside from the obvious, that she was moving to Los Angeles to work for a record company, she no longer wanted to be with him. She tried to explain, he got mad, began hitting her and didn’t stop until Lucy and Leighanne had chased him off with a baseball bat. She hadn’t seen him since.

            Lucy closed her eyes, shook her head, took a sip of her drink and sighed. Then she opened her eyes.

            “That of course was until you met AJ. For the first time in ten years you opened up and accepted him into your life. You were friends with him right from the get go. Leigh and I were wondering how long it was going to be before you two started going out, but it never materialized. Neither one of us thought you’d be dumb enough to allow Jordan to fuck you over for the rest of your life.” This time Amelia sighed. Lucy was right. Lucy had always been right, she’d been the more confidant one, the one who could be dumped by a guy, go right back out and find another one and then be the dumper. She was never easily broken up by a relationship. Maybe that because she had been raised differently, without the traditional European outlook on life, that things even if things are bad, you stay with them because it is all you’re ever going to get.

            “You’re right Lucy, you are very right.” Amelia replied and took another deep breath. But it still didn’t change things.

            “Look at it this way. AJ, is well AJ, eventually he will find someone, and I’m not talking about because he’s AJ McLean, the Backstreet Boy, I’m talking about how he is tired of being alone and will settle for someone who doesn’t have a millionth of the connection you two have. No one wants to be that lonely, especially if the perfect person is right there,” Lucy was now sitting beside Amelia on the bed and she curled an arm around her best friend’s shoulder.

            “And I’m pretty sure you don’t want to see some little gold digging hussy strutting around with his credit card and the latest Dolce and Gabana fashions, am I right?” Amelia chuckled and yet she nodded.

            “And I’m not trying to mock your man, however, most of them are pretty dumb and think that they are finding a good one even if she empties his checking account. Don’t make him make a mistake. Look at it this way, you are doing a gold digging intervention. You are keeping him from making that mistake that eventually all older, celebrities do, marry a blond money grubbing ho,” Lucy grinned and Amelia chuckled.

            “Hey, he’s not much older than us. He’s thirty, I’m twenty-seven and you’re twenty-eight, no need to be ragging on how old he is.”

            “All the more reason to go after him honey. You want to nab him while he’s still got room to tattoo your name. Come on, we have a welcome back breakfast to go to, a Nick Carter to pinch and a Sweet D to really pinch.” Lucy squeezed her shoulder and jumped up to find her clothes.

            Amelia knew she had to get up, but she did not even possess enough energy to put her glass down, let alone see people, including the person she was in love with. But she had no choice. She was stage manager, and that meant she was integral to the plot. Big producers and managers had been known to postpone entire tours for Amelia to come on and work with them. She couldn’t back out now.

            She dressed in something casual, but nice and with a good sized ball of dread slowly growing in her stomach, went downstairs to the hotel dining room with Lucy on her arm. No one was there yet aside from Kestin and his fledgling tour crew. They were new people, kids right out of college that had never been on a tour before. One of them was supposed to be Amelia’s assistant, so she figured she had better go over and introduce herself.

            “Meals! Hey, glad to see you, I’m sure you want to meet your assistant, this is Kyle Lambert, just graduated UC Santa Barbara this month,” Kestin boomed as she walked up to him and the group of obviously nervous crew members. Kestin was a long time veteran of the music business with thirty years under his belt. He had been on tours with the likes of Blondie, ZZ Top, Bruce Springsteen and Madonna. His short brown hair was beginning to gray, his belly was getting a slight paunch and he’d been forced to get glasses after he’d walked into a retaining beam during a concert, other than that, he was the same man he’d been when he started working as a roadie in 1980. He worked his way up and managed his first tour when he was twenty five, married his wife when he was twenty six and had never taken a year off or quit a tour. He was happiest when he was working a tour, much like Amelia. That was probably why they got along so well.

            “H-h-hi,” Kyle replied. He was much shorter than Kestin, though most people were as he stood at six foot and nine inches, and he looked nothing like someone who would be working on a tour. He was dressed in a white button down shirt, black slacks, dress shoes, a tie and his platinum blond hair was slicked back like he was a taller version of Draco Malfoy from the Harry Potter movies. He had a round face and he was chewing his lip as he stood beside Kestin with his arms crossed.

            “Nice to meet you Kyle, I’m Amelia Yurikovick, but everyone calls me Meals, and this is my best friend Lucy, she’s one of the backup singers,” Amelia held her hand out and Kyle grasped it with a nervous shake.

            “First tour?” Lucy asked as Kyle shook her hand in turn.

            “Yeah, I’m a bit nervous. If you couldn’t tell,” he laughed with a bit of jitters.

            “Don’t worry of all the people you could have as your boss, you sure as hell lucked out with Amelia. She’s especially not strict when it comes to the dress code,” Lucy poked Kyle in the stomach and he looked down at his ensemble.

            “Too formal?” He asked.

            “Have you taken a look at Kestin?” Meals replied with a gesture towards Kestin who was sporting a pair of shorts, ratty old sneakers and the Green Day T-shirt Meals had brought back for him on her tour with the band.

            “Get yourself a comfortable pair of sneakers, a few of the concert T’s and your favorite jeans, you’ll be good to go. You certainly don’t have enough time to get that stuff dry cleaned and ironed,” Lucy replied. Kyle chuckled and nodded.

            “Yeah, I guess you’re right. Just trying to make a good impression.”

            “Don’t worry, we’re all pretty laid back around here, you don’t have anything to worry about,” Meals replied and she was just turning to say something to Lucy when something hit her with the force of a ten ton truck. There was a flurry of arms and legs as she toppled to the floor, a pair of arms knotting themselves around her and cushioning her fall.

            “If you ever, ever, go away again for six months and not call me, I will track you down, stuff you in a sack and drag you back to Florida!” It was AJ who had tackled her, of course it was him. No one else was insane enough to football tackle her from across the room and think it was okay.

            “Yet another touchdown, AJ, eloquent as always, and most certainly entertaining,” Lucy chuckled as AJ was still wrapped around Amelia who was trying extricate herself.

            “I get the point, now would you please let me up?” Amelia was trying to be stern, but that was a lost cause because she always smiled when she was around AJ, awkwardness at not calling him for six months, well, that really wasn’t an issue now.

            “No way, not until you swear, on your life, or your signed Barenakedladies album, that you’ll make sure that you call me, whenever you can’t see me in person.”

            “You sure are making an awful lot of oaths on the album sweetie,” Lucy laughed as Amelia nodded and was lifted off the floor by Kestin and Kyle. AJ took no more notice of the other people in the group as he hustled Amelia off to a private table.

“I can’t believe that I haven’t seen you in six months! What the hell have you done to yourself!” AJ flung his arms around Amelia and hugged her tight to him. She, so much smaller in comparison, could hardly reach up to him but she did, and hung on to him like he was a life raft.

            “Your hair is so much longer, and you’re so tan! My god are you beautiful!” AJ released her from his grasp and held her at arm’s length to look at her. She was smiling like an idiot might and it was all because of him. He felt as if that hole inside him was slowing filling. He almost said,

            “I feel so much better now that I’m standing right next to you, and I know I’m not going crazy.” But instead he said,

            “I am so glad to see you. You have to tell me all about your tour, where did you go, who did you see?”

            “Well, it was another European circuit tour, so the usual places, Rome, Paris, Moscow, Vienna, Copenhagen, Warsaw. I met the Red Hot Chili Peppers and it was an impossibly long and tiring tour. I went to bed every night so friggen exhausted I could barely wake up the next morning without someone sticking a mug of coffee under my nose, I wish I could have  brought my assistant onto this tour. Alan was a real sweetheart,” Amelia was gabbing on about things that really weren’t important but she noticed when AJ’s ears pricked up at the mention of Alan.

            “Your assistant, what was he like?” AJ tried not to sound jealous or suspicious. Oh god, here it was coming, Amelia had found a guy. Would anyone notice if he was sitting at the table chugging from a hairspray bottle?

            “A real cutie, always dressed up, a really dapper guy, such the professional, though his boyfriend was completely the opposite. I swear, I’ll never get over the pair of them.” Amelia was chuckling to herself and AJ’s gut unclenched.

            “The pair of them?”

            “Yeah, Alan’s boyfriend Robert was one of the stage hands, lighting and such. Another one, great at his job, but you would swear he came out of one of those really bad eighties punk rock videos. We’re talking flannel, work boots, mohawk and mullet, fang earring, the whole nine yards.”

            “So, who did you hang out with while you were on  tour?”
            “A few people from the crew, once in a while we’d have dinner together, but there really wasn’t any leisure time. I really worked my ass off on this one. I’m never taking another six month tour again, not like that, no way,” she sighed and looked over at AJ, he was staring at her.

            “What?”

            “Nothing, I’ve just missed you, that’s all. I’ve missed looking at you,” god, he needed to stop before he got in trouble.

            “I know, I know I was an ass, for not calling all of that time. And I’m really sorry about that Aja. Can you ever forgive me?” She looked at him sadly and there was no way in hell he could hold anything against her.

            “Of course I can Amy Doll,” he said immediately and swallowed her in a hug, kissing her cheek. She reciprocated sighing into him and they hugged for longer than necessary. When they let each other go, AJ took her hand in his own and said,

            “Mind if we step outside so I can smoke a cigarette?”

            “Of course not,” Amy replied and she followed him out to the small grassy knoll outside the banquet room’s doors. Amelia never had a problem with him smoking. He’d even known her once in a while to join him in a smoke or two.

            There wasn’t much grass so AJ took a seat against the side of the building and Amelia took a close seat next to him. So close that when she crossed her legs Indian style her knee bumped into AJ’s. He lit a cigarette and offered the pack to her.

            “No thanks,” he nodded. As he remembered she usually only smoked in the evening if and when she was unusually stressed.

            “You know something Aja, I don’t think I realized how much I missed you until I saw you again,” Amelia said softly, gazing at the shrub that shaded the side of the building from the back alley.

            “I missed you all along, Amy,” AJ too gazed at the shrub while he pulled on the cigarette alternating with puffs emanating from his lips in lazy curls. What she did next surprised him. She scooted even closer and pulled his arm around her shoulder. She snuggled against him and let out a sigh.

            “I forgot how good this feels,” she said, leaning her head into him and closing her eyes. He looked down at her, through veiled eyes, trying not to cry. God he hated it when she did things like this. Gave him such mixed signals that he’d worked his brain into a frenzy trying to figure out what she meant by things like this.

            “AJ?” She picked up her head and looked at him and he composed himself as much as he could.

            “Yeah?” He turned to look in her eyes. There was some kind of battle in there. Part of her was waging war on another part of her. He knew that feeling, all too well. Then the idea that Howie had planted in his head came back to him at that moment. You have the relationship, all that remains is for you to tell her that you want her. I think that she feels the same way that you do, but she just hasn’t been able to tell you.

            Her hands took his face between them and she was there. So suddenly, so fast, she was so close. Then she pressed her lips against his own and closed her eyes. It took only a second for him to react, flinging his cigarette into the grass and wrapping his arm around her quivering body.

            What the hell was going on? Why was she doing this? Since when had things gotten so screwed up?

            “Stop thinking jackass and just enjoy her while you have her!” His brain shouted and he let all the doubts swim away for later perusal. So he kissed her. He held her. He let himself do this thing, this mirage he was sure he was going to wake up from any second. But he didn’t wake up. And Amelia didn’t disappear. Her arms were wrapped around his neck like they were trying to keep him from going somewhere, like he’d attempt to move now.

            His heart was pummeling against his ribs. He’d never been so nervous in his entire life. Not when he stepped on stage, not when he walked into rehab for the first time, not when he’d been sure he was going to die from the depression that engulfed him when his grandmother died.

            When she pulled back to look at him, his eyes were wide and full of questions. But he didn’t have the strength to ask them. So he simply took her in his arms and hugged her tight to him, hoping against all hope, that this was the signal he’d been looking for.

            “Miss Yurikovitch? Mr. McLean? Mr. Kale asked me to tell you he’s going to make the welcome back speech, if you’d like to join the rest of the party,” it was Kyle poking his head out of the back door.

            “We’ll be right there,” AJ replied without even looking up and Kyle, who knew he was being dismissed, left without another word.

            “I suppose we should go listen to Kestin’s hoopla, shouldn’t we?” Amelia asked softly.

            “Yeah, we probably should,” AJ replied reluctantly. They stood up as one and hurried back into the banquet room where most of the crew had assembled around the chair Kestin had climbed on.

            “Yeah, basically, you all know what you’re doing, why we’re here. We’d like to welcome back our great and wonderfully talented Backstreet Boys, we love you guys, especially because without you, none of us would have jobs,” Kestin spoke and the group laughed.

            “Anyway. Just a couple of announcements, we are so glad to be back together with such a great group of friends, I certainly am, though it is a bit of a bittersweet moment for me. While so many of you have quite a few more tours left in you, and many more years in the music biz ahead of you, I am afraid I do not. This here, will be my last tour. I am retiring, the doctors are saying some shit about blood pressure and crap, and that I need to take it slow,” Kestin waited while the buzz died down.

            “He’ll be bored to tears, maybe he’ll move to Miami and we can keep an eye on him,” Amelia said, linking her arm through AJ’s.

            “I hope so,” AJ’s mind was still reeling from that kiss, but Kestin leaving the business, that was a big deal.

            “And since I’ll have to step down at the end of this tour, the label has asked me to pick and train my successor. It took me all of two seconds to figure out who I was going to ask to attempt to fill my size twelve shoes, but I think Meals will just do fine,” Kestin looked directly at Amelia and AJ felt her stiffen next to him.

            “Meals, can I count on you to do my job better than I did?” Kestin asked. AJ knew she was still shocked, but she recovered remarkably well.

            “Twice as good Kestin!” She yelled over the crowd.

            “See I knew I picked a good one. But, aside from the good news that you’ll be getting rid of an old fogey like me and get some new gorgeous blood by the likes of our pretty little Amelia. Today is a day for getting to see everyone, enjoying, eating, drinking and being merry. Tomorrow, rehearsals start, ten AM at the Garden. Don’t be late, or I’ll have to chase you down in a golf cart, so I don’t get my blood pressure up. Thanks everyone, and welcome back. Oh also, we have a few new members to the crew, try not to scare them too much and treat them the way you were treated when you came here.” Everyone gave an applause for Kestin and broke away from the crowd.

            “I’m gonna go talk to Kestin, see you in a minute.” Amelia stood on her toes to reach AJ’s cheek and gave him a quick peck and was off into the crowd.

            “Excellent, new crew members to prank,” Nick said as he parted the crowd with his wide shoulders.

            “Nick, always the diplomat,” AJ grinned at his partner in crime and gave him a hug.

            “Long time no see buddy, a whole month,” Nick replied giving a pat on the shoulder.

            “Never thought I’d see the day when you’d be taller than me,” AJ chuckled.

            “Gentlemen, nice to see you again,” Kevin appeared at Nick’s side and they shared a handshake. Howie and Brian followed and the group reunited with hugs and handshakes, asking each other the usual, how they were, what they’d been up to since they’d done the photo shoot.

            “How is my God son?” AJ asked Brian.

            “He’s doing just fine, Leighanne will be bringing him in a couple days along with his tutor. His pediatrician just said to have the tour doc to keep an eye on him. Kestin got us a specialist in Kawasaki’s disease, so that put Leigh at ease. Me too,” Brian sighed. AJ knew how hard it had been for Brian in the last year or so. He was so worried he’d passed on his heart problems to his son, even though the doctors had assured him that a congenital heart defect could not have caused Baylee’s problems.

             Maybe that was why AJ had kept his mouth shut to Brian about his own problems. Brian had enough to deal with. Brain had always told AJ he was more than welcome to lean on him if he was thinking about using. But AJ wasn’t an inconsiderate idiot, he wasn’t going to call up Brian and ask him to talk him through a craving. Not when he had a seven year old son with a medical condition sitting in the next room that needed all of his attention.

            Yeah, and it’ll be so much better when he finds out you have been using instead of calling him. You know what he’ll think. He’ll think it was his fault that you couldn’t call him.

            Brian was probably the only person he could have talked to about the problems he had been facing, without out being reamed out, like Kevin would do, without having a guilt trip laid on him, like Nick would do, or marched straight back to rehab, like Howie would do. Brian listened, he was patient, he’d let AJ get the whole problem out without interrupting and treating him like he was a bad kid or something. Kevin had that effect on him, still, fifteen years later, when Kevin turned on the big brother attitude and made AJ at age thirty one feel like he was sixteen again.

            “So, who is with me on terrorizing the newbies?” Nick asked with an eager grin.

            “Not today, give em a couple days, lure them into a feeling of false security, then we’ll get ‘em,” AJ replied.

            “How is Amelia?” Kevin said with no warning and no segway.

            “She’s fine, went to talk to Kestin,” Howie replied without missing a beat. Kevin was staring hard at AJ and he was beginning to sweat under the scrutiny.

            “Give it a break man,” AJ mumbled and wiped at his nose. His hand itched toward his shirt pocket and his cigarettes, he hadn’t been able to enjoy the first one. For once, Kevin backed off and just in time for Howie to jump and give a yell.

            “Just could not resist Howard, you have got the sweetest ass in the entire country!” Lucy guffawed as she passed into the circle of guys.

            “Thanks, so much Lucy,” Howie shook his head and rubbed his back side, “You’ve got claws like a lobster!”

            “I know, I know, Nicky Poo! Uh, cute as ever! Come here and let me pinch those adorable cheeks!” Lucy squished Nick’s face in her hands and kissed him on the cheek.

            “So! Bri Bri, where are you hiding my bitch Leighanne? Got her knocked up and barefoot again?” Lucy asked, slinging an arm around both Nick and Brian’s necks.

            “Not yet Lucy,” Brian blushed slightly, he was still a southerner at heart, he couldn’t stand to hear things like that come out of girl’s mouth.

            “Cause Meals and I have some serious drinking to do with that girl. Do you realize it has been six whole months since the three of us have been together?” Lucy looked across the circle to Kevin who was looking hard at her.

            “Tone it down a bit Luce, would you?” Kevin made a small glance towards AJ. Lucy’s eyes followed.

            “Oh please, yes, don’t want to let AJ know that alcohol is still in existence and that other people do drink. Because he has no self control whatsoever. My god Alex, how do you manage to stand up straight while you are drunk off your ass?” AJ chuckled, Lucy did have a good sense of humor, and even her laughing at Kevin’s over concerned act made the truth seem all the more far away.

            Lucy dropped her arms from around Brian and Nick’s necks before approaching AJ.

            “Toe the line AJ, toe the line,” she murmured in his ear before turning to Kevin.

            “Why don’t you take the stick out of your ass AND turn it down a notch, ITS BEEN A WHILE SINCE I HAD MY MOTHER TELLING ME WHAT TO DO!” Lucy shouted before she walked away.

            “Charming, as always. Don’t know what you see in her Howie,” Kevin rolled his eyes and AJ shot a look at Howie who squirmed nervously.

            “Anyone try the pancakes?” Nick asked and the conversation was over.

“You know, it really wasn’t necessary for you to say that to Kevin,” AJ said as he sat down across from Lucy at an otherwise empty table. Howie followed suit and sat down beside Lucy.

            “Somebody had to, besides, wouldn’t want the feud to blow over too easily, would we? Wouldn’t have anything to talk about!” Lucy grinned at him and tossed back an entire Mimosa.

            “Besides, it’d be soooo boring if I didn’t have Kevin to yell at every once in a while.”

            The feud between Lucy and Kevin was as arguments went, a hellish brawl of insults and insane pranks. They had been at each other’s throats for the last five years. Lucy had met Kevin through Leighanne many years prior, not because of the band, but because he was Brian’s cousin. Lucy, Amelia, Leighanne, Brian and Kevin had spent a lot of time hanging out as kids and they always got along.

            Years later, when Amelia came on with the band, bringing Lucy along for the ride, Lucy met Howie. She and Howie began a "friends with benefits" pair and Kevin hadn’t been so subtle in his opinion of the two of them. Kevin did a stupid thing when he allowed himself to be overheard by Lucy, when he called her a slut. This ensued in an all out war between the two and ever since, Lucy used whatever ammo she had to throw at Kevin. The lower she hit, the better and there was quite a bit of punching on her part. Lucy was a hard woman, she let no one get in her path, and no one told her what to do, no one. She had a big mouth that was capable of a lot of damage and AJ thought she’d been holding back these past few years.  

            After the initial blow up fight that had caused several body guards called in and Lucy to almost lose her job, they went into the fiercest battle of pranks anyone had ever seen in the history of musical touring. Lucy retaliated by throwing every stitch of Kevin’s clothing into the deep end of the pool. Kevin backfired with stealing Lucy’s passport so that she couldn’t get on the plane the following day. Lucy returned fire when she got back by calling Kevin’s wife and pretending to be a prostitute that Kevin had refused to pay after services rendered.  

            After getting his wife to call off the divorce, Kevin traded Lucy’s daily vitamin supplements with laxatives, then she sneaked in his room, after slipping a ruffie in his drink and shaved his head. He put blue hair coloring in her shampoo, she wrote the words “DICK WAD” on his forehead with permanent marker when he fell asleep on a plane. He put ants in her food, she put a snake in his bed, he locked her in a closet, and she handcuffed him to door of the ladies room and much, much more. Currently, Lucy held the lead by having all of Kevin’s clothing taken in, making him think he’d gained several pounds. That had happened several months ago when Lucy had stayed at Brian and Leighanne’s house for the weekend along with Kevin, his wife and Amelia for Baylee’s seventh birthday party. Kevin was still on his “diet” and no one had the heart to tell him he didn’t have any weight to lose. Everyone had agreed it would be kinder, not to tell Kevin what Lucy had done. Though Amelia knew Lucy had other motives up her sleeve.

            “It’ll be all the worse when I tell him later, and besides, he may be an asshole, but he’s a fine sight to watch working out in the gym,” Amelia had decided not to mention that to Howie. Apart from that, as long as Kevin didn’t realize she was the last one to get him, it meant he’d be on the defensive and extremely vulnerable to a Lucy attack, where as she could relax and not worry he’d be plotting something against her. Regardless of the viciousness, it did add entertainment value to the tour.

            “You have way too much fun torturing him, Luce,” AJ laughed and took his knife and fork in hand.

            “Howie sweetie, could you fetch me another Mimsy?” Lucy turned to Howie, thrusting her empty glass in his face. Howie took the glass and got up, looking a little surprised as he did so.

            “So Agey boy, how long you been on the sauce?” Lucy asked as she speared a link of sausage on her fork from AJ’s plate. AJ blanched.

            “Don’t bleach yourself out totally, or you’ll blow your cover,” Lucy replied, still not looking at him as she stuffed the entire sausage in her mouth and chewed. AJ gave an audible swallow and dared to look over his shoulder. Howie was at the bar getting Lucy’s promised Mimosa so he turned back to Lucy, her black brown eyes were boring holes into him.

            “No one can fool me honey, absolutely no one. I understand you got a problem, one that is real hard to get over, no one can deny that. I also understand that Amelia, was a real bitch, by not calling you for six months. But if you dare, to say that she is the reason why you are pathetically trying to hide the fact that you can’t keep a lid on a bottle, I’ll rip you limb to limb and distribute the pieces all over the tri-state area.” AJ didn’t dare to blink because he knew Lucy was serious.

            “I’ll do you a favor and not tell Howie,” Lucy’s eyes flashed across the room where Howie had stopped to talk to a couple of returning crew members, “Because that would hurt him a lot more than I ever wanted to,” her gaze returned to his. I’ll do you several more favors and not tell the guys, or Leigh or Amelia. But one word out of you blaming your fetish with fucking up your life on my girl Meals, and I’ll have Kevin giving you another couple of scars.”

            “I’d warn you to take it easy on D, but I see Kevin’s cornered the market on that,” AJ replied and was surprised to see Lucy flinch.

            “Just remember, I’ve got the gun and the ammo and I know exactly where to aim it,” Lucy mimed shooting a gun with her thumb and forefinger and winked at AJ as Howie sat down beside her once more.

            “Ah, thonk yah dachling! Thonk ya!” Lucy purred as she pressed a kiss onto Howie’s cheek.

            “Good sausage Aje?” Howie asked as Lucy flung an arm around Howie’s shoulder and sipped her Mimosa with her free hand. Her eyes were still glued on AJ as he replied,