The smell of pine cones and apple pie, filtered through the house. There was a crisp warmth coming from the fireplace, where there were 12 stockings hanging, each with a name painted on the fluffy white part. As for the Christmas tree, it seemed to get larger with each passing year. This time around the angel at the top seemed to slant a bit, as it touched the ceiling.

The overgrown tree omitted a blue and white sparkle of lights, dancing to the rhythm of Silent Night. There was an array of gifts scattered around the floor, it looked like there wasn’t much space under the tree, anymore.

When I entered the kitchen, I found almost everyone sitting at the dinning room table. I always wondered where they’d gotten that table. It was huge, fit for a mansion. It sat about twenty people, and we were about eight shy from that number in the family. Although at the rate it was growing, we’d need a new and bigger one within a couple of years.

One chair was empty, and I knew instantly who it was. Why did he always have to be the outcast? I think he actually liked it. “Hey everyone.” I muttered, taking my seat next to my oldest brother.

“Well it’s nice that you blessed us with your presence.” Howie scolded playfully. I gave him an elbow in the gut, and he groaned. “I was just saying.”

“Yeah well shut up!”

Howie and I were the ones to get along the most. Probably because we could have passed as real brother and sister. We both had tanned skin, with chocolate brown eyes and curly hair. Many, even complimented him on looking just like my dad, with exception of his height. It had to be the Puerto Rican in him. But Howard Dorough wasn’t blood related to us. He had been adopted by mom and dad, when he was seven. I love him all the same.

He’s the oldest of us siblings. A metro police officer, husband to a beautiful woman named Leigh and father of DJ (Daniel James) who is ten and Heidi who is due any day. When things are going sour between us all, he’s usually the mediator. And let me tell you when you are as many as we are, you need one of those.

“Dad says it’s not good to say shut up.” Baylee said, from across the table. I always forgot about my brother Brian, and how righteous his little tight knit family was.

I bit my lip, “Darn…I’m sorry. He’s right…it’s a really…really bad word.” I grinned, looking up at Brian. Who was giving me a scowl. He knew damn well that I was being sarcastic.

Brian Littrell was adopted at the same time as Howie, only, he was five. From what mom says he was always quiet, polite and never said bad words. Brian didn’t look like mom or dad, but he could have passed for mom’s son. He had sandy blonde hair, and friendly blue eyes, with a dreamy smile. I think that’s what lured Leighanne into marrying him. The smile. They also had two children, Baylee who had just turned seven and Katy who was almost three.

They were the perfect little family. No kidding. They attended church every Sunday, in their little cute outfits. Both worked at Sunrise Hospital. Brian as a pediatrician and Leighanne as a nurse in the emergency room. Their kids were blonde and blue eyed, well mannered and financially set. Even though his perfection annoyed me. I loved him just as much.

Angie stood at the door shrugging out of her coat. “Evening everyone.” she hollered over the commotion at the table. Her chocolate brown eyes, scanned the table and she grinned as her eyes locked with my fathers. My older blood sister; whom I envied in every way. For one she was slim and beautiful and another reason was she had an awesome job as dancer in the show Bite at the Stratosphere.

She was two years older than me, unfortunately I tended to look like the older sister. There wasn’t much to Angie, though. A divorcee of a really nice guy and mother of Hannah, her six year old daughter. Rumored to be a big slut, who gives good head and has a list of one night stands.

I guess marriage and divorce, can do that to you.

“I think we should go ahead and start!” My dad commented glancing over at the empty chair.

The table was littered with food. There was a tray of roasted chicken and one of dad‘s roasted pork and even some tamales. Bowls of mashed potatoes, dressing, green beans and cranberry sauce. And mom couldn’t forget the beans and rice. There was a little of everything, due to my family being of different cultures.

Mom was all American. Blonde and blue eyed, born and raised in Texas. Used to singing carols at the piano and opening presents Christmas day, while enjoying child friendly eggnog.

Dad on the other hand was full blown Puerto Rican. Tall, dark and angry looking. He was born, but not fully raised in Puerto Rico. His mom and dad migrated to Texas when he was in his teens. So dad did have some American in him. Plus they shared and respected each others culture and beliefs.

“Dude where the hell…” Brian’s eyes flew onto Nick, who corrected himself quickly, “I meant…heck is Alex?” he asked. His eyes looking around for an answer, while chomping on a piece of chicken. He let out a sigh and began telling one of his adventure stories.

Nick was the youngest of the boys. Who joined the family at the age of four, even after mom and dad had succeeded at having their first birth child. The more the merrier…was dad’s motto.

Hell, I would have quit at Howie.

Growing up with Nick was a blast, we were close in age and he was just plain goofy. We were constantly in trouble and nothing much had changed now that he was older. Well, with the exception that he had lost a ton of weight, and the guys couldn’t call him chubster anymore. Unlike us, Nick took a chance and got the hell out of this heat infested City and moved to Malibu, California with his long term girlfriend.

He was now a professional surfer, who occasionally posed for the camera to be plastered on a sport magazine. He was making bank, and he loved to share the wealth, especially with mom and dad.

Mmm…mom’s chicken tasted the same every year, and I wondered how she did it. I couldn’t even make my coffee taste the same throughout the day. We were all in light conversation, mainly informing the surfer of anything new. When the front door crashed open, followed by a loud thud.

All the men, were first to sprint out of their chairs. Then it was me. All the other women chose to stay seated. It was mainly cause they already knew who and what it was. I entered the room, dad was picking up Alex off the floor and Howie was helping him keep steady.

“Hey…Ima…late.” Alex slurred.

Nick stood hands on hips, “Shit Alex!” he got a nudge from Brian. “Dude…I’m sorry, but this is an occasion for a choice word, like shit. SHIT!” he mumbled. Watching as dad and Howie, helped Alex to the leather recliner.

“Damn it Alex. What is wrong with you?” My dad bellowed. Alex immediately looked up at him, like a scolded puppy. “Third time this week.” he gave him a stern look and walked away.

Brian let out a huff, and decided he didn’t want to deal with it. So he followed dad into the dinning room.

“Lookie here…we have the famous surfer guy home.” Alex laughed. “It’s nice to be amongst your presence.” he pretended to bow, falling forward.

Nick glared at him and gave him the finger. “Fuck you…” he snapped and stormed to the kitchen. I was dying for Howie to leave now, so I could walk over and slap some sense into Alex.

Even though it never worked.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Howie spoke softly.

Alex clumsily stood up to Howie, their faces inches away. “I did something…” his gaze moved to the floor. “But I can’t tell you what…” he nodded. “I gotta go.” he began for the door.

Howie caught his arm and spun him around. “Are you fucking serious? There is no way that you can drive home. You’re a cop for chrissakes Alex…we are supposed to give a good example.”

Alex placed his hands on Howie’s chest and gave him a hard shove. Making him stumble back. “No…you are. You’re the best cop in Metro…you’re the righteous one, not me. Dad is truly proud of you!”

“I’m tired of you feeling sorry for yourself all the time. Maybe if you weren’t such a damn drunk and a sorry excuse for a…” Howie didn’t get to finish his sentence, since he got a blow to the jaw.

Alex flung the door open, and walked out to the cold night. I walked up to Howie and asked if he was ok. He nodded, and with a motion sent me to look for Alex.

There were about eight cars in the driveway and Alex’s Escalade was the one at the end.

“Alex wait!” I shouted, feeling the cold nip at my cheeks and hands. It doesn’t rain or snow in Vegas, but it sure gets cold. Too cold.

He leaned against his black Escalade, placed a cigarette between his lips and went for a lighter. I snatched it from his mouth and threw it onto the floor and stomped on it to emphasize my seriousness.

“What the fuck?” He gave me a cold look.

I pointed towards the house, “You can’t do this to the people that care and love you. It’s Christmas eve for god’s sake. There are children in that house.”

“I know…that’s why I’m leaving.” he rummaged his pockets for keys, but came up empty handed. “Shit…I left them inside.” He pushed himself off the truck and stumbled forward.

Hesitantly I placed a hand on his chest, and pushed him back. “I’m not letting you drive.” I gave him a stern look, but deep down I was scared shitless.

Alex had a temper and I knew it first hand.

Alexander Mclean was the last to join the Thompson family, at the age of fourteen. Mom and dad already had two teenagers, so they thought it wouldn’t be so hard to raise another. They knew that he was different, especially coming from an abusive family. He was never legally adopted, which seemed to bother him a bit. But mom and dad treated us all the same. We were all the Thompson kids.

He seemed to have a lot of pent up anger, that came and went. Which to this day none of us knew the root of. No matter what anyone said or did, Alex never seemed comfortable in a family environment. But I knew there was a soft side to him, even if he carried a hard exterior.

I believed it was just a wall he kept up, to protect himself from feeling anything. And I thought the badass look fit perfectly with his position as an undercover cop for Metro, in Las Vegas. For the most part he took his job seriously. Hell, until recently he had been known to be one of the best in town. Somehow, between the summer and now. Alex had fallen into some kind of emotional comma, where he wasn’t letting anyone in and was binging on alcohol and random sex.

It was even rumored, that he was one of the many bad cops in Las Vegas District. I have to admit…there were times that I believed it.

There was never a brother and sister relationship between Alex and I. I was only six and he was already fourteen when we first met and I immediately knew that I would never see him like I saw the other boys. As the years went on, we grew closer and before we knew it. We were both head over heels for each other.

Mom and dad never noticed and to this day, they would probably have a heart attack if they knew that…I Sophia Thompson had given myself to rebel boy Alexander Mclean on my prom night.

Actually, till recently I still did occasionally. Mostly during my weak moments.

Now that he’s older, he shares his bed with many other girls and he’s forced me out of his heart. Which I’m not even sure, I ever held any type of spot in, anyway.

I on the other hand, am still working on that.

His hair was covered by a black and white trucker hat. He wore a red and black flannel shirt, with a thick dickies jacket over it, that hid his shoulder holster. I stood there admiring his features in the light glow of the lamp overhead. He had a week old beard, that suited him and his hazel eyes had dark circles around them. His lips were pinched in…I really couldn’t tell.

“How about I take you home?” I asked, placing my hands on his face.

His hands rested on my hips and he pulled me towards him. “Only if you stay with me.” he whispered, kissing my neck softly. Why did I have a weak spot for him?

“Ok…” I said. I agreed only because mom, dad and the Littrells always went on a weeks vacation, up in the mountains. And I knew that the house wouldn’t be buzzing with questions. “Um...let me go. Someone might be looking. I’m going to get the keys.” I pulled out of his grip, I couldn’t afford to have someone see us.

The last thing I wanted was to have to explain to my dad on Christmas eve, that I had been maintaining a relationship with one of his adopted sons.

The next morning I woke up to knocking…very loud knocking. I opened one eye, let out a groan, and opened the other. I noticed I was in my bed fully dressed and I sighed with relief.

“I’m coming!” I hollered, recognizing my own room. I didn’t really remember how I had gotten home. It didn’t really matter. Right now I was going to kill whoever was knocking like the police at my door.

Running my fingers through my messy hair, I stormed over to the door and swung it open. “What the…”

“Yo…you take forever to open the door sis.” Nick stood at the door slurping on frapuccino from Starbucks. He was in a pair of khaki shorts, a black shirt that read ‘eat me’ and a pair of flip flops. His hair was all over the place, and it looked like he had gotten plastered last night.

“Stupid! Did you have to knock like a lunatic.”

“Dude I’m freezing out here.” He pouted, and threw a bag into the apartment. “I’m here to invade you. The family just left. So I thought I’d make you company. You need company right lil sis?”

I rolled my eyes and held the door open, “You are a moron. You are cold cause your wearing California attire, when it’s like freakin fifty degrees here. Plus you’re drinking a frap.” I scolded him, taking the plastic cup from his hand and slurping up the remains.

“Not cool.” He smiled. “So how did it go with Frankenstein last night?”

I shrugged, “The same as always. He’s stubborn.”

Nick was giving me a stupid grin. “You guys…”

“What?”

He nudged my shoulder, “Didn’t get it on last night?”

My eyes went wide in horror. “What the hell are you talking about? Of course not!” I gave him a smack on the shoulder and one on the head. “Where the hell did you come up with that?”

He began to laugh hysterically “Oh please…we all know you two have been doing the nasty, ever since we were kids.”

Warmth crept onto my cheeks and many other areas, as I realized that we hadn’t been as discrete as we thought. Shit!

Once again he began to laugh, “Wow you just confirmed it. You’re like red as a tomato dude. Good thing it’s not considered incest or it’d be some sick shit and like we grew up in hickville.”

I smacked him again, this time harder. “Shut up and take these things to the other room. Or I‘ll send you to stay with Howie and a pregnant, moody Leigh.”

There was another knock at the door, and Alex peered into the apartment. “Hey!”

Nick was making way down the hall, as he hollered out “USE PROTECTION!” and slammed the door behind him.

Before Alex and I could react to his outburst, DJ came waltzing into my apartment. “Aunt Sophie you have to come with us.” He was huffing and puffing, eagerly. “We are going to play paintball battle, you have to come with us. Please.” After a couple of seconds, he acknowledge Alex. “Hey Uncle Alex…you should come too.”

I loved all my nieces and nephews, but DJ was my total favorite. He was just like his father, such a free spirit. Who got along with everyone and their momma. Plus, it could have been the age. He was old enough to act like a normal human being, without totally embarrassing me by throwing himself into a fit on the store floor, over skittles. And most importantly he knew how to wipe his own butt.

“I don’t know if your father wants me there DJ.” Alex tucked his hands into his pockets, and looked at the floor. I could tell that he was embarrassed of his display last night.

DJ rolled his eyes, “My dad is over that…plus you just busted his lip. No harm done.“ he stuck out his bottom lip, put his hands into prayer form and tilted his head. “Come on you guys!”

“Where are we headed?” Nick questioned, coming back into the living room in a pair of army pants, a black long sleeve shirt and sneakers. The twosome began a conversation amongst themselves, about how they were going to pick teams, and who was going to kick who’s butt.

Meanwhile I pulled Alex into my room and questioned him about last night. He was grinning like a fool, as he fixed his trucker cap. “Nothing happened. I think I passed out, as soon as you dropped me off. You didn’t even come up.”

“Oh…” I mumbled, annoyed at the sound of disappointment in my voice. I began to walk out, but he pulled me back by the arm. “What?” I questioned, standing in front of him.

“Are you…” he took a step closer, to where our chest were pressed against each other. I swallowed hard, it was scary when he got too close for comfort. It was moments like this, that weakened me. “…scared to be alone with me?” his hand slipped under the seam of my pants. He brushed his fingers back and forth under my belly button.

I was melting.

My cheeks, neck and private regions were pulsing and having hot flashes. “Stop…” I demanded weakly. His hand dug in deeper, and I felt his fingers slip into my area. “Alex…” I felt a moan involuntarily escape my mouth, as he moved his fingers back and forth.

Ten minutes later, I was in the bathroom all flustered and out breath. Cursing myself for letting him work his magic fingers on me. Sometimes, that was more than enough from him. The only problem I had with it at the moment, was that I had given him proof...that I still had feelings for him.

When I walked back out, everyone went silent as I entered the living room. Quickly my cheeks flushed. I felt like they all knew. I turned to look at Alex, who had his hands in his pockets and was grinning like a fool.

Howie shook his head, “Seriously you two. You could at least wait till we are out of here. Sheesh. Come on DJ.”

“What are you talking about?” I questioned him, although I knew better than anyone what the hell he was talking about. “You know?”

He turned around, and began to laugh in unison with Alex and Nick “Of course, it’s been pretty obvious Sophia. I don’t really care…hey you two aren’t blood related. But I’ll tell you that dad would and will have a fucking fit.”

My mouth was wide open, as I stood there dumbstruck watching DJ, Howie and Nick make way down the hall. With furrowed brows, I looked up at Alex for some type of answer.

He cleared his throat, and scratched the back of his head. “I might have told him, the first time we did it. I had too…Soph. It’s a guy thing. I had to tell someone…about my encounter.”

With a huff, I let Alex have my right fist in the side of the eye. He bent forward, cursing up a storm. “Shit! What the fuck was that for?”

“For being such a guy. I can’t believe you told him. All these years he’s known about it. Tell me you didn’t give him all the details?” I stood there, with my hip sticking out and my arms crossed over my chest. If only my eyes had rays, I could have zapped him to death. I was mortified that my older brother knew about my first sexual encounter. “Aaaaaaaah!” I yelled, storming out of the apartment.

“Babe…you busted my eye here.” he hollered at me from the apartment. I ignored him and continued walking. Men are so stupid. They make me so mad.

Why can’t I find a nice and decent guy? UGH!

Almost three hours later we were all walking out of the Boneyard Paintball field. We had blotches of blue and some yellow on our uniforms. Yes, we had uniforms that Alex and his side jobs had provided us. I mean, full gear. Pants, long sleeve shirts, vests, masks, guns…the whole shebang. We did this every year. We just kept losing players as the years went by. Almost two years back, my dad, Brian and Leighanne accompanied us and Nick was too far to join. Now they were replaced by, guys from the precinct and sometimes their older kids.

I knew I wasn’t the only one in pain, we had all been pelted good at least once. Good enough to leave a mark, especially Nick.

“Shit” Nick groaned, hopping into the back of the escalade. He scooted himself carefully on the leather seat and covered his package with a big bag of ice.

“I’m so sorry uncle Nick. I didn’t mean to…” DJ tried to put a straight face, but he wasn’t doing a good job of it.

Nick gave him a deadly glare, “No worries little man. I checked and everything is still intact…sore…but I still have my nads.”

Howie was the first to burst out laughing, then Alex and lastly me. The moment was priceless. The battle was over, and DJ was shooting out at the trees. Nick being the lazy dummy that he is, decided that taking a leak by a tree was more convenient than walking his ass to the bathrooms. So in DJ’s random shooting, Nick happened to be blasted with a yellow paintball…right in the nuts!

“Ha…ha…ha…very funny!” He snapped.

“Man, you have to admit it was fucking funny. The way you screamed like a bitch and ran out from behind the tree with your pants around your ankles, holding your dick!”

Alex was in a fit of laughter, as he drove out of the parking lot.

I can’t help to stare when he does that. It’s not to often lately. His eyes drifted over to me, and I flushed knowing he had caught me staring. Shoot. “Um…so is anyone…else hungry?” I questioned, looking at the threesome in the back seat.

“Oh yeah!” DJ piped, “How about some In N Out?” he added, already savoring a burger.

A burger sounded good right about now, with fries and some of their special dressing. Ugh. DJ always did that to me. Anytime I was around him, I always ended up eating like a pig. “I’m in!”

“Me too…” Nick groaned, shifting in his seat.

Alex let out a breath, “Um…not to be the spoiler of fun guys. I’m not exactly welcomed in that part of town.”

I whipped my head around “What do you mean not welcomed? What cop isn’t welcomed in...?” Maybe I was new at all this. But to me the only way he wasn’t welcome, was if he had done something. Something bad. I was dying to ask. But I wanted to save him from the scolding from Howie. I could already see the older man's brain gears in motion.

“It’s cool though. I’ll wait in the car.” He suggested quickly, as we drove the rest of the way in silence.

Alex parked and shut off the engine, he adjusted himself and handed me money. “I’m fine!” I muttered, pushing his hand away.

“Just take it!”

A small hand snatched the hundred dollar bill from his hand, “Thank you!” DJ chuckled and climbed over his father to get out of the truck.

“You teach him well!” Alex teased Howie, looking at him through the rearview mirror.

“You seem to have money coming out of your ass right?” Howie snapped.

Round one. I was out of there, I did not want to hear them going back and forth. Usually it ended up in a ‘I’m a good cop…you’re a bad cop’ thing and I wanted to believe that they were both good. In a rather odd way I understood Alex’s worry about this place.

We were pretty much in the ghetto.

Trash littered the streets. There were odd names spray painted on random walls, some with big X’s on them. I didn’t understand what the hell that meant. The worst part about this place was the bald guys with tattoos all over their bodies. Clowns. Naked women in sombreros. Crosses. Names; in cursive writing. Tears on their faces. I tried not to stare, but just getting a glimpse at them. I could see all that ink.

“Heya baby!” one of them shouted in his gangsta tone. He was big and bald. With a goatee and a ripple of muscles all over his body. I could guess off the bat, he’d been to the pen. “eh…come over here and talk to me ay.”

I eyes focused on the door and held on to DJ’s shoulder with one hand. “Don’t say a word and keeping walking DJ.” I whispered.

“Ok. Maybe this WAS a bad idea.” he responded.

We got into the place with no problem, but I couldn’t help to check every other second if they had left already. Why was I scared anyways? I deal with people like that all the time. I shouldn’t be scared by now, I’ve been on the job almost four months. Fuck the four months. I could never get used to cholos and from what I knew. None of them were nice.

Within ten minutes our order was ready and we grabbed all our stuff. DJ and I made eye contact. He looked as scared as I did. Now that I thought about it, I was more afraid of knowing I had three grown men in the truck. Two whom were probably armed at the time, watching our every move. Which meant this could get ugly.

Letting out a deep sigh, I guided DJ out and before I could have a chance to open the door. A torrent of gunshots arose from all directions. “DJ” I yelled as we dropped to the floor. I hovered over him protectively.

I could hear screaming, glass shattering, tires screeching and shuffling of people around me. It felt like forever, before the echoing of shots even came to a stop.

“DJ! Holy shit!” Howie’s voice, brought me back to the moment as I stared at DJ…his eyes were closed and there was red all over his clothes.

Holy shit! My little man wasn't breathing.

I was still unsure as I hung up with Howie. It had already been four days ago, from the shooting at In N Out, but it felt like yesterday. Thankfully DJ only had a head concussion from when we hit the ground. The red stuff? It was just ketchup.

Thank God.

Nick snuck into my room, and began to bounce around like he was a child. “What the hell are you wearing? I’m not taking you to the bar like that!” He was going on.

I flung a pillow right at his head, “Shut up!”

“That’s not a way to treat your older brother, ya know. I demand respect!” His eyebrows were furrowed and he had a scowl on his face.

“You’re insane. All that surfing has damaged your brain!”

“Did I not just demand respect…for fucks sake.”

“Whatever. I told you I’m not going. I don’t feel like doing anything.” I sat up against the head board.

“But sis it’s New Year’s Eve. Time for celebrating…drinking…dancing…hooking up!”

Did he just say hooking up? He did. Actually Nick was known to be a little pimp, before he met his girlfriend Lauren. Once he met her, there was no one else in the world for him, but her.

At times I totally agreed with him. She wasn’t his usual pick. Blonde and fake. She was a real girl, with flaws…like me. Erase that…I have too many flaws.

It was rare when I was feeling this down. Nick was right it was New Years Eve. And Usually, I was all dressed up and heading to Howie’s. This year I had declined, due to my negative attitude. They had plenty of things to worry about, without adding mine to their list.

What was I worried about in the first place?

Oh yeah. The fact that I had one of my brothers staying with me and he still hadn’t told me why. Was one of them. I was in love with a man, that was supposed to be like a brother to me. Which brought on the biggest worry for the new year to come. I had to tell my dad about Alex and I…before someone else figured it out and opened their mouth.

Just that alone, sent shivers down my spine.

“Oh great!” I looked up at Nick. He was shaking his head and his mouth was twisted in disappointment. “You’re emo!”

Where does he come up with these things? I’m not emo. I’m just worried that I’m going to let down my dad and he might even disown me. I could never live with myself. I’m daddy’s little girl, damn it.

“I grew up with you. In case you forgot…I know your emo moments. It’s Alex isn’t it?”

As soon as the name drifted from his mouth, my stomach was in knots. When did Nick get so fucking smart. I wanted him to leave already, so I could continue to mope on my own. Without interruptions. I was planning on downing the bottle of wine chilling in my freezer. Crying to the Old Lang Syne…at exactly midnight and if I was drunk enough…hugging my favorite pillow.

We all need some TLC.

“I’m fine. It’s just…” I felt stupid telling Nick what I had planned to do. Maybe he didn’t even give a crap about it. What was I saying. Nick was always there to listen to me…all my brothers were. Then, why did it feel like we were all going in different directions? “…I’ve decided to tell dad about Alex and I.” I waited for his reaction.

He gave me a crooked, insecure smile. “WOW! You better have some armor…especially for Alex.” His voice dropped to a whisper, “You sure you wanna do that. He might kill him.”

“Like WE would let him do that. Dad can be understanding…sorta…”

Saying it out loud really scared me. Maybe, it was a bad idea. We weren’t together anymore anyways. Our relationship was a joke. It was invisible to the world and I think even to us.

“Of course we wouldn’t. Look…I don’t want to discourage you sis. But I think you should just move on…and forget about telling dad. Move on and find someone who really deserves you.”

Just the request from Nick, gave me an ache in my heart. Tears filled my eyes. “What the hell happened to you? You’re more…I don’t know.” We parted and he became a bit nervous.

Wiping his hands on his jeans, he stood up. “Damn it’s already nine. I should head out!”

“Why are you really here Nick? What happened?”

He shrugged his shoulders and gave me a chuckle, “What makes you think something is wrong. Can’t I just want to hang out in Vegas for a little longer. Anyways, you can’t just change the subject on me.” He whined.

I couldn’t help rolling my eyes at him, “Nick just like I trust in you. You have to trust in me. What happened?”

My questioning wasn’t about him trusting me. I knew he did, at some extent. It was to save myself from having to talk about my father…and especially being in love with Alex. And it was in vain.

Letting out a huff, he sat back down. “Lauren kicked me out.” He bit the inside of his cheek, as he stared straight ahead.

A gasp escaped me, “What? I’m sorry Nick…what happened?”

He gave me a weak smile. “I really don’t want to talk about this tonight. Just like you don’t want to talk about Alex. So, I’m hoping that you change your mind and meet me at the bar. I’ll be your date…at least you know there won’t be any awkward kissing or sex.”

I threw a pillow at him. “So gross I can’t believe you said that.”

He was in a fit of laughter, when there was a knock at the door. “Saved by the knock. Who could it be now…” he sang and pursed his lips to make a trumpet sound. The man was almost in his thirties and acted like a child.

I got out of bed, and shuffled for some clean clothes. Nick was right. I looked like crap. My hair was all over the place, and my tank had some kind of stain on it. Plus these tiny shorts, weren’t very flattering.

“I’m out Soph…remember if you want, meet me there!” I heard Nick holler from the living room. And the door slammed shut. I assumed one of his unknown buddies had come to get him. So I made nothing of whoever had knocked on the door.

Boy was I wrong.

Just as I was slipping my shirt over my head, my eyes came in contact with Alex. I let out a yelp and my hands flew to cover my breast. “Holy shit you scared me.”

He had that boyish grin and he was looking exceptionally good-looking tonight. “Babe I’ve seen those and much more of you…before.” his grin widened.

While my cheeks burned.

He’d seen it all, but that had been more than a month ago. I was insecure all over again. “Turn around…sheesh.” I waved an arm at him, till he reluctantly turned to face the hallway.

“You’re really exaggerating here. I just came by to see how you were doing? You’re not going to the bar tonight?”

Keeping my eyes on him, I slipped the violet silky wrap around blouse on and pulled on my only pair of black skinny jeans. I don’t understand the concept of skinny jeans. They don’t make you look skinnier. If not, they enhance…the fact that you aren’t skinny...with a nice pair of love handles.

“Ok you can turn around now.” I instructed, pulling my hair into a messy pony tail. There was no way I was doing my hair, just to sit in front of the TV. “I’m not going. By the looks of it…you are?” It was more of a question, than an assumption.

“No…I’m on duty tonight.” He looked at himself. His dark grey slacks were just his size and he wasn’t wearing the usual tight fitting shirt. Tonight it was a white polo shirt and a gun in his hip holster. I should have known he was on duty, by the chain with the badge hanging from his neck. “I can look good, while on duty. Can’t I? So you AREN’T going to the bar?”

I raised a brow, finding it a bit odd that he kept asking me about the bar. What the hell was happening at the bar tonight? If he asked me one more time, before he walked out my front door. I was definitely going to the bar tonight.

“No. I told you I’m not going to the bar tonight. I’m not in the mood to see people. Happy people.” I plopped on to the side of my bed.

“Nick mentioned you were emo. I just didn’t think it was this bad.”

“I’m not emo. I’m just contemplating things in my life. Don’t you want to start this year positively?”

“Sure…but that’s not the case for me. You can though.” He shrugged. Probably knowing already, that he wasn’t part of the positive…if not the negative in my life.

Fiddling with my fingers, I looked up at him. “I’m gonna tell him.” I almost whispered.

His lips formed a straight line, and one of his brows raised in question. “What are you talking about. The old man?”

I shook my head, swallowing the lump of nerves in my throat. “Yeah. I think he deserves to know.”

“He’ll kill us. Me. He’ll definitely kill me. You’ve lost your mind haven’t you. Have you been drinking?” He let out a sigh, and ran his fingers through his hair. “Whatever you want to do babe.” Alex took two steps towards me, and pulled me to my feet. “I love you. And I’ll respect your decision.” I could see it in his eyes, that he wasn’t happy with my decision so far.

His words took me by surprise.

It had been a while since he had actually said them to me. Now, without hesitation they had slipped his mouth and I didn’t have a better answer for him, other than. “Ok.”

He pulled me in for a tight hug, and pressed his lips against mine. And was gone before I could react.

It was ten when I hung up with my dad. By the happy voices, and the clinking of glasses. It sounded like they were having a great time and for a split second. I found myself wishing I was there with them. Minutes before, I had talked to Howie and they were all heading to bed, not even waiting to ring in the new year.

After a bit of hair controlling and a layer of make-up. I was on my way to the bar in my beat up Nissan Maxima. In less than ten minutes, I was parked and at the door contemplating entering the crowded bar. “Hey sis!” I heard a familiar voice slur my way, as I entered the stuffy place.

“Hi” I spoke softly, nudging my way through the crowd over to the tall blonde. “I’m glad to see you. I was already changing my mind about coming in.” I muttered, straightening out my shirt.

“Hey there sexy!” A pair of hands gave my shoulders a squeeze. I couldn’t help to smile, when my eyes met the familiar pair of green eyes.

There is only one man, that can make me just as hot and bothered as Alex. And that’s my partner, who is tall dark and fucking handsome. Piercing green eyes, manly smile, toned body and a southern drawl. Who was looking extra spicy tonight.

“Hey I didn’t know you were going to be here!” I said, pleased to see him. Although we had only been partners for two months. He was easy to get along with, even in his moments of bullheadedness and perfectionism. Sometimes I could feel an unknown tension between us, but other times he just seemed to be like another brother to me.

I had finally settled on a stool at the bar, with three cosmos in my system and number four in my hand. All three of us were in deep conversation, about our trips to Hollywood, when someone entered the bar and there was a lot of cheering. It almost sounded like a celebrity had made a guest appearance. Everyone spun around to get a glimpse of the popular one and I realized who it was making everyone go wild.

None other than Officer Mclean.

I couldn’t help the smile as I watched him, greet people. He was so cool and collected shaking hands here and there. But my heart dropped when I noticed, his other hand connected to…none other than Katy Fieldman’s hand. They stood at the bar, while his partner Frank ordered them drinks.

At first I thought maybe she’d lost her way and he was being a good officer of the law and guiding her drunk ass back to the bar. But it became apparent that she was his date, when he placed his arm around her waist and kissed her neck softly.

I saw Nick look at me from the corner of my eye. But I wasn’t strong enough to turn and look at him. If I saw the sympathy in his eyes, I might burst out in tears right then and there. Then all hell would break loose.

“Oh shit! Look at the time I just came by to wish you guys a happy new year.” I teetered off the stool and pushed my way towards the door.

The cold breeze hit my face and the rest of my bare skin, as I opened the door and stepped outside. I bit my lip hard, to keep from letting any tears escape.

“You can’t just leave.” Nick said out of breath, as he reached me at my car.

I reminded myself of Alex, as I swayed in place and fumbled to find my keys in my tiny purse. Where the hell do keys hide? The ground was moving, the world was spinning and my tears were ready to fall.

“I just want to go home Nick. You go back there and have fun. You still have fifteen minutes before midnight. Just go.”

“There is no way I’m letting my little sister drive her drunk ass home. So don’t ask me to do that.”

Kevin appeared from behind Nick, one hand held a pair of keys and the other one was tucked into his pant pocket. “I’ll take her home. I’m one of the designated officers tonight. You stay and have fun. I’ll make sure she gets home safe and sound.” he placed a hand on Nick’s shoulder and gave him a reassuring look.

“I love you Soph.” Nick kissed the top of my head, and walked back into the bar.

Getting into the car, was easier said than done. Kevin had to guide me into the seat and buckle me up like a child. Because I couldn’t see shit. “I’m so sorry…” I kept repeating myself like a fool.

Even though everything was suddenly blurry, I could see the wide smile on his face. He was definitely enjoying this. And the worst part was I would hear about it…every single day from now on.

Within minutes we were standing in front of my apartment building. The ground was still moving, but I could see much more clearer. “You’re not swaying as much anymore. You know I’ve never…”

“Shut up! I swear Richardson…if you even think about telling anyone about this. I will shoot you Monday evening.” I tried to give him a stern look, but his chuckles, made me giggle.

He suddenly ran a finger over my cheek. Sending a current of heat through my body. “You’re cute drunk! Well I gotta go…there are many drunks to take home tonight.”

“Ok…” I muttered.

All of a sudden…radios blasted songs, people cheered and illegal fireworks went off announcing the new year. We stood staring at each other in disbelief that it was already midnight. “Uh…happy new year?” he wrapped his arms around me.

Once again I felt that current through my body. I’d never hugged Kevin before. Hell, the closest contact we had was sitting next to each other in the cruiser. Hesitantly I wrapped my arms around his tall frame. I felt so small in his embrace. “Yeah. Happy new year!” I whispered, feeling the tears brimming again.

“This is nice.” Alex’s voice, broke our embrace.

Kevin cleared his throat and gave Alex a silent nod. He hopped in the car and zoomed off. I on the other hand, spun around and stormed up the stairs and into my apartment.

“I thought you were on duty?” I snapped.

Alex stood at the door, leaning against it’s frame, his arms crossed over his chest. An angry look on his face. “I am. So what the hell was that?”

“It was a friendly hug. He is my partner.” I didn’t want to bring up bimbo Katy just yet. He had to give me the first blow and after that…he’d better have a bullet proof vest on under that shirt.

“Bullshit!”

“What’s it to you anyway. You have Katy right?”

Ok, so I couldn’t wait for him to start. I had to get that off my chest.

The color drained from his face, when I shouted the name. “You went to the bar? I thought you…”

“Yeah that I wasn’t going to go. No wonder you kept asking right. God forbid that I’d see you with her. WELL I DID!!”

“It’s not what…”

My head was throbbing and I was in a full fit of tears. It hurt like hell. Why, I wasn’t sure. How could a man cause so much pain.

“That’s why you told me you loved me. So that when you were with her, you’d be assured that it wasn’t wrong. Because I believed that you loved me. God I’m so stupid.”

He shook his head, and took a couple of steps towards me. But I moved back. Who knew where his hands had been. I wasn’t about to let him touch me.

“Babe…you are taking all this…the wrong way.”

“Don’t call me that.” One of my many new years resolutions, was to put all the negative behind me. All that hurt and held me down, I was getting rid of. “You have to leave. I’m done. I won’t let you hurt me anymore Alex. I can’t see you with these women and be ok with it. I can’t hide anymore…and keep this a secret.”

The anger faded from his eyes, and pain took it’s place. He shook his head in resignation and then with one swift movement violently yanked me towards him. He was breathing heavily and if I wasn’t mistaken there were tears in his eyes. He tried to speak, but his jaw tightened instead.

It hurt like hell to know I was causing him pain.

“You are so fucking selfish. You think you’re the only one hurting here. Huh? But I get it…I’m dragging you down right. You deserve better…I’m glad you realized that. Just so you know…Katy was just my date tonight…because there are already rumors flying and I know how…” he pursed his lips “You feel about that. So I thought I would…it doesn’t matter. I’ll leave you alone.”

I was tempted to call him back. We could work it out. Who was I kidding. This was so long overdue. My hand flew to my chest. It hurt so bad, I could feel my heart breaking to pieces inside of me. How would I get over him? If there was even a remote chance, that I could.

I didn’t know at the time. For now, I just wanted to wallow in my own self pity. So I sunk to the floor, letting my sobs take over me.

I was sitting on the edge of the tub, wondering where the hell the weekend had gone.

Pretty much down the drain for me. After Alex left the other night. I locked myself in my room for three days straight.

Nick was so worried about me, that he called Howie for back up, and they both spent a couple of hours trying to break into my room.

With no luck.

It was Monday evening, my chest was still a bit achy and my eyes were swollen from all the crying. I was freshly showered, and dreading having to put on my ugly khaki and funky brown uniform, that was folded over my bed. The boots I liked, they were steel toe, compliments of Howie. He said it was in case, I needed to kick someone in the nuts.

Such brotherly love.

Other than the uniform, I was ready to start the night shift. Of course, I had to survive dinner with the family…first.

It’s been tradition in my family that every Monday and Friday night mom makes us supper. Her excuse for Monday’s is that, they are hectic and everyone is too tired to cook. As for Friday’s, it’s the beginning of the weekend and it‘s always nice to unwind with the family.

Plus, it’s a reason to see us. Before we all disappear to do our own thing. I pressed down my shirt, fixed my badge and shifted in my seat. Why in the hell was I still sitting in the car? Usually, I couldn’t wait to see the family. Or eat mom’s chocolate cake. I heard from a little birdy, named DJ, that we were having that for dessert.

A loud tapping on the window, nearly made me jump out of my skin. My hand flew to my chest, and I spun around to check out the jerk.

“Soph…what are you doing in there?” Howie’s voice was muffled by the closed window.

Quickly running a hand over my still damp hair, I opened the door and stepped out. “You scared the shit out of me.” I smacked him twice.

“Touchy! I’m sorry…I was just surprised to find you sitting out here. Everyone is already inside. I just got off my shift.” He pulled the neck badge over his head.

Howie and Alex are part of the group of officers, who get to wear plainclothes. Hell, I wish I was that lucky. But if I do good for a couple months more. Maybe, just maybe I can join that group.

I let out a sigh, knowing damn well that Alex was in there. And that it was going to hurt like hell to see him again. “Yeah…I have to admit I was trying to muster the courage to go in.”

He gave me a once over and shook his head “You look like hell…dad is going to know immediately that something is up.”

“I know.” I bit the corner of my lip.

“Um…you know that I love you…right?” He started, as we walked to the front of the house and stood at the door.

People that start with that phrase, are usually going to hurt you in some way. I‘ve seen it on Jerry Springer. “Just spit it out.” I muttered, hesitantly twisting the knob to the front door.

“Well see…”

He hadn’t finished his sentence, when I swung the door open and I heard the stupid giggle. My stomach sank to the floor and my heart thudded forcefully in my chest.

She was here. Katy was in my parents’ house.

I would have walked out, if my mother hadn’t called my name. “Sophia…you are late hun!”

Biting on my cheek, I slowly looked up to face a table of staring people. Involuntarily, my eyes shifted over to the couple in the corner. She was smiling widely with her fake ass blue eyes, and flipping that bleach blonde hair of hers. He on the other hand, was dead serious and was glaring at me.

There were two options for me…One, was to run out the door, hop into my car and drive off. Two, was to put on a straight face and get through this hour of torture with my dignity still intact. I like that one.

Number two it is.

“Hey everyone. Sorry I was dreading putting on this damn uniform.” I started with my mom, kissing her on the cheek and went around the table…till I got to Katy. I gave her a fake smile and totally bypassed Alex.

Dinner was pretty quiet, with exception of DJ giving my mom and dad an update on the weekend and his school day. My parents had almost went into cardiac arrest when they found out about the shoot out at In N Out and DJ being hurt. They were happy to see him well.

Everyone else gave bits and pieces of their routines. With exception of a very quiet and pale looking Brian. I was making note to ask him how his vacation was, when my father decided to embarrass me.

“Sophia is everything ok?”

I snapped my head up, while poking at my piece of chocolate cake. That would usually be gone by now. “Yes…I’m just tired.”

“You look like you’ve been crying. Did something happen?”

Ha! Did something happen? He had no idea.

“No…I have no reasons to cry. Listen dinner was great, I should get running. I’m just going to wash up.” I stood up quickly and almost jogged upstairs to the bathroom.

I could feel heat on my cheeks and neck. How mortifying for him to ask me if I had been crying, especially at the dinner table. Shit.

They were probably all down there whispering to each other, what they thought my problem was. Every single one of them trying to assess the issue, right this moment. And I knew Nick and Howie would participate in throwing a couple of ideas out there. Just to keep from ratting me out.

It hadn’t been two minutes and someone was already knocking on the door. “What?“ I snapped, opening the door a crack. I was surprised to see Alex pushing himself into the bathroom. “Have you lost your fucking mind? Get out” I tried pushing him out, but that was in vain.

“I wanted to check up on you.”

“Well, I’m fine. NOW GET OUT!”

He placed a hand over my mouth, and sandwiched me against the sink. “Would you keep it down. All I need is for dad to come here, and kick my ass.” I knew better than anyone, that Alex wasn’t afraid of my dad. If not he was afraid of DOING something to my dad. Slowly he removed his hand, but kept me pressed against the sink.

“Fine…but your too close for comfort. Move back.”

He didn’t budge, instead his hands moved slowly up my thighs and rested on my waist. While my hands gripped the sink tightly. It was mostly from nervousness. Alex always makes me nervous.

“Why are you doing this?” He leaned forward, to whisper in my ear. He was breathing heavily, and his breath tickled my neck. I didn’t want to look up, because if I looked into his eyes…I would give up on my resolution and take him back.

His lips brushed against my ear, and I felt myself melting onto the linoleum floor. “Please Alex, you have to stop doing this. Don’t you have your girlfriend downstairs.”

“Not my girlfriend…” he whispered into my ear again.

Hesitantly I looked up and my stomach clenched as I looked into his hazel eyes. They were so beautiful and so sincere sometimes. Maybe he does love me.

Ugh.

I’m not giving into…

My mouth was covered by his. I fought against it, but he didn’t let me go and slowly I surrendered to the kiss. The room began to spin, and it suddenly got pretty hot in the bathroom. And if my phone hadn’t rang. I would have ended up on the sink.

“Hello!” I answered out of breath, holding the phone in one hand, and pushing Alex away with the other. “Kevin…yeah I’ll be there in a few…I’m at my parents house. Oh that’s…just my BROTHER!” I couldn’t help grinning at Alex’s perplexed look.

I never…ever called him my brother. I snapped the phone shut and glared at him. “I have to go.”

He stepped back and let me walk to the door. I spun around and looked up at him again, “Oh…and don’t kiss me again. Siblings don’t do those kinds of things.”

Rushing to get out, I didn’t notice my father standing a couple of feet away from the door. My stomach twisted in knots, something it was getting very used to and I could felt the color drain from my face.

“Who were you talking to?” he asked a bit confused.

The nerves had gotten to me, and I was blinking a mile a minute. I didn’t know what to say or do. Alex was in the bathroom, and I was afraid he would step out any minute. “I was talking to Kevin…he kissed me on New Year’s Eve and I see him like a brother you…know. So I was just…”

My dad, put an arm on my shoulder and pulled me into a hug. “My baby!” He caressed my head, like I was a five year old child. “I think you should have became a nun.”

Hell, that didn’t sound like a bad idea right about now. Alex must have heard my father, because he never came out. “It’s late dad, I better get to the station. I don’t want Kevin getting all pissy.”

We headed downstairs, where everyone was getting ready to leave too. “Hey I have a friend…he’s really hot. You should go on a date with him.” Leighanne suggested, as I picked up little Katy and I tickled her belly.

That’s all I needed.

“I’ll be your boyfriend aunt Sophia…" Baylee piped, with his toothy grin.

I bent over and gave him a kiss on the cheek, then ruffled his curls. "That's the best idea!"

“You know my doctor is pretty good looking…” Howie gave Leigh a look, and she just shrugged. “He is…and he’s young too Sophia.”

Was I the only one that found it weird, to go out with a guy that looked at vaginas all day. Worse than that, he’d looked at my sister-n-laws. EW.

“I think she should stick to being alone.” Alex muttered, coming from the kitchen. “Let’s get out of here Katy.”

My mother was giggling at our conversation, and reached over to hug Katy. “It was great to meet you. We’ve never met any of Alex’s girlfriends before.”

Nick snorted, “Yeah Alexander!” He mocked.

“I’m out of here…bye mom and dad.” I kissed everyone again, and was out the door. I was dying of jealousy…it was taking all my energy not to pull Katy’s hair out.

Within twenty minutes I was at the station, and hopping into the cruiser. Kevin was at the wheel, his brows furrowed and his eyes locked on the wall in front of him.

“Uh…is there something happening with that wall?” I asked sarcastically.

He snapped out of his trance and smiled, “No. I was just keeping busy. You look flustered.”

My cheeks warmed up again, as I placed my cool hands against my skin. “I just had dinner with the family. What do you think? Plus, they are trying to hook me up. UGH! I need to find a boyfriend so I can take him to the house and they will leave me the heck alone.”

Kevin was grinning from ear to ear, “Sounds really exciting. Maybe, you could take me to dinner sometime.” he gave me a look, an unknown look.

“Um…sure. I bet my family would love you.” I could feel myself blushing, and I had no idea why.

After the awkward moment we were off into the night.

I had always wanted to be an officer of the law, and not till four months ago, had my wish come true. Tests…physicals…credit checks…training at the academy and now a late shift in the worst area of Vegas.

Now that I was here, it wasn’t all I thought it would be.

Mostly Kevin and I found ourselves pulling over drunk drivers, picking up prostitutes, occasional accidents and sometimes if we were lucky we got some action with domestic violence calls. Those were usually a waste of time, because the woman always let the man come back to beat her again.

We had stopped at a donut shop to get some coffee. It was already around midnight and freezing. I busied myself staring at the steam, swirling out of my cup of coffee. Alex was still on my mind, and I was wondering if he was busy at work. Or busy with her.

“You ok? You’ve been a little out of it today.” Kevin broke my concentration.

I let out a sigh, sometimes I felt like confiding my problem to Kevin. But there was always the possibility that he would think of it as immoral. “I’m ok…just tired it was a long weekend and I’m beat.”

He moved a strand of hair from my face, and tucked it behind my ear. I had to admit, that there was something weird going on between Kevin and I. It was ever since that hug on New Year’s Eve.

“Well if you want to talk. I’m a good listener.” He grinned.

Before I could answer, the dispatch operator's voice floated through the radio. There was a domestic disturbance, just a couple of blocks from us. Kevin called in and we headed out to the drama.

When we got there, a couple was screaming at each other. The woman was throwing clothes out the door and the man had a bat in his hands.

“That’s my shit bitch!” he was shouting at the top of his lungs.

We both walked up and stopped a couple of feet away from the man. “Excuse me sir…you need to put the bat down.” Kevin requested his hand on his gun.

I was to the side of him, my hand was shaky as I felt the cold steel in my palm.

“Fuck no…not till she puts all my shit back. That bitch broke my nose.” He snapped, spinning around to look at us, his face was covered in blood.

“Oh I’m a bitch huh?” the woman yelled and disappeared into the house.

“Sir, I’m not going to ask you again to put the weapon down.”

Hell, bats can do some damage.

Just as the man put his hand out to throw the bat. BANG. BANG. Shots echoed in my ears. Then I felt a tightness in my chest, as I flew back and hit the cruiser.

Although I could hear voices, everything was pitch black. I wanted to move, but there was still a tightness in my chest and the back of my head was stinging.

Shit. I’m dead.

I didn’t even get to marry The Rock and have Gerard Butler’s children. Hey sue me, a woman has to have her options. Between my lamenting of unfinished business, I heard voices.

The voices belonged to God and one of the saints. They were trying to come up with a judgment for me. There goes living on fluffy clouds with winged angels.

I was going to hell.

No, maybe I was already there. The voices belonged to the devil and one of his assistants. They were debating on when I was gonna burn, for my sins.

“He’s not my brother!” I yelled. My body shot upright and my eyes were filled with brightness. White walls. Bland chairs. Two startled men.

Kevin walked towards the door, “I’ll get a doctor.” He said, exiting the room.

“I hope you weren’t saying that about me. I mean, I know I’ve been a bit distant, but I still love you and consider myself your brother.”

At the moment all I could do was groan, shooting into sitting position didn’t go well with my chest. It was sore and I felt like someone was sitting on it. “No…of course I wasn’t talking about you. I was just having a really bad dream.” I still looked around disoriented. “What am I doing here? What happened?”

Running a hand through his sandy blonde hair, he took a seat. He looked so professional in his white doctors coat, with his name inscribed on it’s pocket. “Kevin says ya’ll were attending a domestic violence call. You guys were able to control the guy with the bat, but the woman went crazy. She came out with a gun and shot two…” he swallowed hard before continuing, “…rounds…one hit you in the chest.”

Holy shit.

I have a hole in my chest.

I pulled down the gown as far as I could to see if there was a hole between my boobs. But there was nothing, but, a big purple mark the size of an orange. Phew.

“Yeah, he said you guys put on vests when you stopped for coffee. Shit…excuse my French…I mean…shoot Sophia are you trying to give us a heart attack. I don’t know why dad let you be a cop.”

“Because it wasn’t his choice Brian.” I snapped.

“WHERE IS SHE?” The aggressive voice boomed from the hallway. Brian and I rolled our eyes at the same time and grinned as we saw Alex appear in the door way. “Holy fuck, are you serious. You got shot at? Where is that no good partner of yours. He’s supposed to keep a close eye on you.”

I rolled my eyes again. Although, I have to admit that I was quite flattered, that he was having a moment over me. “Oh shut up! It’s not his duty to watch over me. Anyway, you have no idea how it happened.”

Kevin and the doctor stepped into the room.

“Hey it’s not my fault that woman went nuts!” Kevin responded, giving Alex a serious look. Tension filled the room as soon as my partner stepped foot inside. He stood by the door, and Alex took a protective stance on the opposite side of the bed. Both took turns glaring at each other, looking like two bucks about to butt heads.

Brian and I focused on the doctor, and let the other two go on with their evil eye competition. According to Dr. Burns, the vest had saved me. I wasn’t sure to be thankful to the vest. It did keep the bullet from piercing me, but not from pelting the crap out of my chest. As for the stinging in my head, well I had a small gash…to small to shave the area and give me stitches.

THANK GOD!

The doctor let me know my release papers were at the nurses station and I was free to go. A couple of minutes later I walked out of the room with clean clothes on. The captain had given me the rest of the morning off, but expected me back on duty the following night. So understanding.

I met Brian at the desk to sign out. He was still looking a bit beat up. Lately, all my brothers looked a bit beat. What the hell was happening to all of us? In the span of two years everything had gone haywire and we were slowly drifting apart. Or should I say they were drifting apart, because I tended to be the one that everyone confided in.

I was like a priest taking in confessions that I couldn’t share with anyone else.

Somehow I kept thinking that leaving the two hostile men in the waiting room, around the corner was a really bad idea. I was trying to get the nurses attention, but she was busy blabbing on the phone. Brian perked up and I followed when we heard the elevated voices.

We saw nothing.

“The tension you cause between those two men is…astonishing.” Brian commented.

When I opened my mouth to answer, the sound of glass shattering cut me off. The sound was followed by chairs grating the tile floors. Then Kevin and Alex flew across the hallway, hands at each others throats. They crashed into the wall, bounced off and landed on the floor.

There was a lot of cussing. Arms punching. Legs failing. And rolling around. They took turns pinning each other to the ground and letting each other have it in the face.

“Christ! Would you two stop acting like children. We are in a public place…in a hospital for the love of God. The one I WORK in! This is embarrassing.” Brian was going on and on. And I have to admit, I did feel bad for him. He does work here, he’s bound to hear about this as long as he’s employed here.

I tried to get close, but an arm missed my face by an inch. “Holy shit! Would you two idiots stop it. Alex…this is where your brother works…get up stop hitting him. Why are you guys fighting in the first place.” my words were going unheard, instead they kept rolling further away from me.

A nurse stood at the other end, and before they could roll over her. She tipped a bucket over them, water spilled onto the twosome and all over the floor. Both men gasped for air, as they felt what must have been ice cold water hit them and they let each other go.

Brian did the sign of the cross and walked over to a panting Alex. “You are a disgrace…it’s embarrassing to be related to you!” he huffed and stormed off…almost slipping on the water.

I bit my lip, knowing that those words had cut my Alex. No one tended to say anything nice to him anymore. Not even me.

The two men were sitting on opposite sides, leaning against the walls. They were panting and feeling to see what was busted or bleeding. “I can’t believe you two, especially you Kevin.”

Without waiting for a reaction from either one of them, I scurried into the elevator to reach Brian. There was something I needed to talk to him about. When the doors slid open, Brian was barely unlocking his office.

“Hey. I didn’t get a chance to thank you for going upstairs to see me.”

“I’m your brother Sophia and I care about what happens to you.”

“Then in that case, you will tell me what the hell is bothering you lately. If I AM your little sister and you LOVE me like you say. Then, you can tell me what the hell is going on. Why you are so damn distant. Why it seems like you are pushing us away…”

There was no stopping me now. I was on a roll, and I wasn’t sure I was going off on the right person. Really. What had Brian ever done to me?

“Sophia…please go home you need to get some rest. You just got shot at.”

“NO! Not till you tell me what the hell is going on. I thought you trusted me.”

Brian turned his back on me, and I knew immediately there was something really wrong. “I didn’t mean to do it…” was all he muttered.

I decided to calm down and try to use a more nurturing approach. I clasped my hand over his arm, and turned him around to face me. He looked so pained and helpless. “Brian…please tell me what’s wrong?”

“Look I can’t right now. I have to go make a report on what just happened with your immature brother and your new suitor.”

I couldn’t help the scrunching of my nose, with the word he used. “He is so not interested in me like that.” Of course, just the thought sent a hot rush through my body. “Don’t change the subject on me.”

Brian’s eyes moved to the open door, “Hey honey.” he forced a smile.

“Hey there, I was just about to knock. Hi Sophia…” she walked over and embraced me. Leighanne is such a huggable person. I think it’s cause she’s a mommy and so used to giving hugs. “I heard about Alex and your partner getting down in the waiting room. Alex is so immature sometimes. Anyways, they need you honey.” she walked over and planted a kiss on Brian’s cheek.

Unsatisfied with the conclusion to our conversation, I let out a sigh and hugged my brother. He wrapped his arms tightly around me and gave me one of his angelic smiles. “Be careful…we will talk some other time. I promise.”

I gave him a nod and waved at Leighanne and exited the room. Hospitals are so big, yet they feel so stuffy and unwelcoming. It might be the plain white walls. Annoying monitor sounds. Occasional child’s cry. Or the penetrating smell of disinfectants that makes it so unwelcoming. Whatever it is…I hate them.

On my quest to find the exit, I had decided that I would visit Alex later in the day and see if he knew something I didn’t. There was a pretty good chance he had no clue, but it was worth a try.

I felt relief as I exited the glass sliding doors. I took a deep breath of fresh morning air. It was still dark out and there was a nippy chill in the air.

“Hey!” the masculine voice, broke me from my stride.

“I thought you were gone.” I responded, making way over to Kevin to examine his bruises more closely. When I got closer, I was taken aback by the amount of damage Alex had done. My mouth fell open, and my hands flew to his face. “Holy shit!” I muttered, running a finger over the large bump over his cheek.

He licked his busted lip, and I couldn’t help my eyes from staring at the gesture. Clearing my throat, I looked back up at him. Only to find his green eyes boring into mine, and I found myself tempted to lean in and kiss him.

“I’m ok…” he shrugged. “…your brother is a bit too jealous of me. And…I’m not even sure why.”

I knew damn well why. But there was no way, I could confide in Kevin. Not yet. “He’s just overprotective.”

“It’s not like there’s anything…” his eyes were back on me. I swallowed the nervous knot in my throat, as I watched him lean towards me.

Letting out a nervous breath, I finished his sentence. “Between us…” I whispered, feeling the heat of his breath on my lips.

Just as I began to close my eyes to welcome his mouth upon mine. A loud clank, followed by cursing made us both jump back.

“Fuck…shit…motherfucker!” Alex, was in a fit. Kicking his door and socking the air. “Son of a bitch…cocksucker.”

I bit down on my lip hard, before mustering the courage to say his name. “Alex…?”

He stopped the cursing and kicking as soon as he heard my voice. His head snapped to attention and he looked up at me. His mouth was twisted into an angry pout, and his brows were furrowed in a menacing glare. Without another word, he flung the door open, hopped in and burned rubber out of the emergency driveway.

Shit. He had seen the almost kiss…that I was slightly disappointed, didn’t happen.

“Hey are you going to get up off that couch or what? Are you having Lauren withdrawals or something? NICK!!”

He looked up from where he was sitting and gave me a dirty look, “Stop pestering me…go bother someone else. I want to be alone…please.” He turned his gaze back to the TV.   

Nick wasn’t the usual funny dork this evening. I was wondering if being away from his woman was fucking with his hormones. Men can’t be without getting laid, unlike us women. Or should I say me. I could probably go on forever without having sex. Except when I’m around Alex…it’s like illegal pheromones leak from his pores.

I was all dolled up for once.

I was gonna visit my parents first, then Alex and lastly I would go out for sushi with Kevin before our shift. It’s not a date or anything. We are just going as friends. The dress and heels are just so I can look normal at least one day out of the week. Plus my mom and dad can see the little girl they raised, instead of the tomboy in jeans and a t-shirt or uniform. Oh not to mention that I can die elegant looking.

With a shrug I walked out the door, still wondering what the hell was eating Nick Carter. But I’d worry about him later…right now I was on a mission to tell my father, my biggest secret.    

At five o’clock I was knocking on my parents’ door.   

My dad opened and alarms went off in my head, when he gave me a scowl. Which sent my stomach into a fluttering frenzy. It was rare when my dad was angry at me.   “Hi daddy” I grinned, kissing his cheek and waltzing into the living room. My mom was at the kitchen sink as always. There weren’t even any dishes to wash. I guess she likes that area of the house the most, it’s where I see her every time I come.  

“You look nice.” My dad spoke sharply.   

I wasn’t sure if it was a compliment by the tone of his voice. “Alright dad spit it out. Mom what is going on?” I asked, planting a kiss on her cheek.  

“Don’t tell her…let her tell us.” My dad retorted joining us in the kitchen. “I can’t believe you…it’s so disappointing.”  

Oh shit.   

Something disappointing to my dad about me…would definitely be, me sleeping with Alex. This was it, he had found out about it. I was doomed and he’d start cussing me out in Spanish and banning me from the house forever. Every time my dad was mad at me, Alex, was the first reason I could come up with. Funny what guilt will do to you.   

So, I usually kept my mouth shut until my dad got fed up and would blurt out his issue with me. I never take the chance of jumping the gun.  

I crossed my arms and gave a pout, “I come here to see you guys and I get this. First Nick nearly bites my head off and now you guys. I’m leaving now.”   

“Why didn’t you call us…” he shouted and I looked at him a bit confused. Call about what? “When you got shot Sophia. Damned the day I let you become a cop. Damned it.”  

I rolled my eyes, with a loud sigh of relief. “It wasn’t really your choice dad. Plus, I’m just as tough as the guys. I can take care of myself you know. I’m still alive.” My hands were in the air, and my voice squeaky.  

“It’s not about that…it’s about the fact that you don’t bother calling us. What if you died?” he raised his eyebrows, waiting for my response.  

Shrugging my shoulder, I gave him a smart ass response. “Then…someone would have called. Daddy, I’m not a baby anymore. Moooom…tell him.”  

My brain was working overtime, trying to guess which one of those assholes had told my dad. That was the worst part about being the baby, everyone was always in my business. “Which one told you? Was it Nick cause I’ve been pestering him the past couple of days?” My dad nodded. “It was Brian he told you, cause he was there.” Another nod. “Howard!” He was actually smiling now. “Alexander…wait till I---”  

“It was none of them. I am friends with the captain and everyone else at the precinct…did you forget? Nick, Brian nor Howie have called today. As for that low life Alex…he did visit. Just to make my blood boil. I wonder what we did to turn him into a monster…no, you know what, he was already a damn monster. What the hell were we thinking when we took---”  

My mom threw her rag at dad, it landed on his shoulder. He looked up at her startled and she gave him a look. “Don’t you dare say it. We knew he was troubled and we didn’t really have problems with him till he was older and able to make his own decisions.”  

“Yeah well now he’s an embarrassment to my name. I’m a retired officer of the law and my name should be remember---”  

I couldn’t help cutting my dad off. “Dad! Alex is a good person and he‘s a great cop. So…he’s got a couple of issues and people tend to think he’s a bad guy. But he’s not. None of my brothers are…I don’t want to hear this anymore. I’m leaving.” I took my keys off the counter kissed my mom and glared at my dad.

Why was everyone against Alex? Maybe they saw something I didn’t. Maybe my love for him had me blinded to his menacing ways.  

The drive from my dad’s house to Alex’s isn’t that far. He lives up by the mountains in a very cozy house. I think he bought property when it went on sale like my dad, because his yard goes on and on. Yet, his house is a really small three bedroom cottage. I’m not sure how a cottage ended up in the middle of all the bigger houses. But I think the place suits him.    

I drove through the gate onto the graveled driveway and parked in front of the small house. His escalade and the dark blue Chevelle that I love were both parked in front of the garage. I was surprised to see the door open, as I stepped onto the porch and peered in.   

He was laying on the couch, with no shirt on and a bag of ice on his face. My eyes traced all the visible tattoos on his arms and the smoothness of his stomach.

“Who’s there?” He asked, not bothering to move a muscle.  I jumped back startled that he knew someone was at the door. “Um…it’s me.” I gave a small wave, even though he wasn’t looking. Stepping into the house, my heels clicked against the wooden floor. “I…came to see how you were doing?”  

He finally moved the bag of ice and sat up half way. The muscles of his stomach tightened, making me get a hot flash. “Hmmm…I got a busted lip, a big ass knot on my cheek and I’ll be lucky if my eye doesn’t get darker.” Alex got off the couch, flung the bag into the kitchen sink and walked over to me. Clearing my throat I took a couple of steps back and bumped into the fireplace.

 “I…” he pointed to himself and my eyes didn’t hesitate to look him over. “…am not doing good. Thanks to your new boyfriend.”  “He’s not my boyfriend and I could bet that you started it.” I looked up at him with a stern look. “Anyways you did just as much damage.”  

He rested his hands against the fireplace, locking me in with his arms. I saw sorrow in his eyes as he looked deep into mine. If it wasn’t because I knew him, I would have thought he might break down and cry. “Good! I should have killed him.” His eyes locked on my chest, and slowly moved down. “What’s the occasion"

I didn’t think it would be such a great idea to tell him that I was going out with his arch enemy after my visit. At least not at the moment. “What did you do to dad? He was very upset today and he was talking a lot of crap.”  

Alex grinned and let out a bitter laugh, “What’s new? He hates me…I’m his black sheep. Said he was ashamed to call me a son.” he shrugged and I could see the pain it caused him.   

“I don’t think he means it.”  

“People always mean what they say.”   

I knew where he was going with that comment. It was about everything I had said on new year’s eve. “Well you’re alive and kicking. I’m sorry about your face…but I have to go now.”  

He moved his face closer to mine and it made me very nervous. I could already feel myself getting dizzy with desire. “Who is he?”   

“What?” I looked at him startled, “I don’t know what you’re talking about?”   

He shook his head and bit the inside of his cheek. I could feel the tears filling my eyes. Now all I wanted was to hug him and let him know that I loved him, no matter what my dad said. I opened my mouth to say it, when my phone buzzed in my hand.

We both looked down and I saw the familiar picture flashing on my caller ID. I took the phone and was about to answer, when he snatched it from my hand and threw it across the room. It crashed against the wall and broke into pieces.   

“What the hell was that for?” I asked pushing him out of my way. I bent down to pick up the pieces.  

“You know he’s no better than me. At least you know what I’m about. You know the real me. What do you know about him? What I know is that all he wants…is to fuck you. If he hasn’t already. That’s what all the guys at the precinct want.”   

My jaw dropped slightly at his comment. Was he including himself in the bunch? I slowly stood back up and swallowed the knot in my throat. “Is that including you?”  

He didn’t answer, instead he gave me a light shrug and tightened his jaw.   

Alex can really be a jerk when he wants to. He can make you feel as minimal as a pestering fly. And even though he put his hands on me once. I disregarded it. Why? Because I love him and I don‘t think he meant to.   

I was really trying not to cry, but I was losing the battle against my tears. “Maybe dad is right. He shouldn’t have taken you in…because you are a monster.” I was almost tempted to grin, because I knew that cut deep.   

His hands were on his hips, where his pants hung low on his toned pelvic muscles. He shook his head and looked at me with puppy eyes. Which made me want to take my words back. I had to get out of there. So I began for the door.  

“What do you want from me Sophia?” He spoke almost in a whisper.  

His voice made me stop at the door. I wasn‘t sure what I wanted from Alex. I know I wanted him to love me back, to be faithful to me and mostly to be the man he was BEFORE he partnered with Frank. “I don‘t want anything from you.” I muttered. Well that wasn’t what I wanted to say. I’m so stubborn.  

“You know better that if I was…just trying to fuck you. I wouldn’t be standing here and prom night would have been pretty much the first and last time…” he paused for a moment, but I didn’t turn to look at him. “Plus…you’ve broken my heart way more times than I have Sophia. You know I love you…I’m fucking jealous of any man that gets near you…and I’m dying cause you left me.”  

I bit into my lip, unable to control the butterflies in my stomach or the excessive drumming of my heart.   

“So…if you don’t love me, then you can walk out that door and I’ll never bother you again. Or you can turn around and…tell me that you love me too.”  

I closed my eyes and took in the moment.   

There wasn’t anything to think about. I knew my answer, but it didn’t mean I wasn’t afraid to voice it. Slowly I turned around and looked up at him. Our eyes met and without a word I ran and jumped into his arms, almost knocking him over. He smiled that genuine smile and I couldn’t help covering his mouth with mine.  

Alex kissed me hard, as we stumbled over each other. We bumped into the kitchen counter and with one swift movement he picked me up and sat me atop. His mouth never leaving mine. His hands quickly found their way under my dress, and they ran up and down the length of my legs. I wrapped my legs around him and dug my fingers into his hair. He kissed my shoulder, slowly removing one strap and then the other. His mouth moving slowly over my breast and down to my stomach. I felt his hands doing something under my dress, and it was making me see tiny stars. My breathing was elevated and my heart was racing.   

Then he stopped.   

I watched him unbuckle his pants and let them fall to the floor. I felt Alex push into me, and low moan escaped me as I tightened my legs around him. Within minutes of his rhythmic movements, I was feeling a wave of pleasure coming over me. It was a bit soon, but I hadn’t been with him or anyone else in almost two months. And I wasn’t sure how I had survived without out it.   

I was about to let out a moan of pleasure, when I felt him stop and clamp his hand over my mouth. “Ssh…” he placed a finger over his mouth.  My eyes were wide in horror. This was definitely not the way I wanted any of my brothers, my father or anyone for that matter to find me. Carefully and with a waning look he removed his hand and pulled up his pants.   

“What is it?” I asked, adjusting my dress and hopping off the counter.   

So much for pleasure.

I was going to kill whoever it was out there, unless it was the gangster guys. Which I hoped had no clue where Alex lived.  We both crept up to the door and just as Alex moved to peer out. In waltzed Frank all smiles. “What’s up man? Shit…you aren’t even ready. Our shift starts in half an…” he looked past Alex and his eyes locked on me. “Oh…did I interrupt something?” He smiled.  

“Uh no…” 

I rolled my eyes at him and sauntered over to grab my sweater and keys, “I was just leaving.”  

“Bye…” he snorted, staring me down as I walked out the door. It reminded me of what Alex had said earlier and I gave an involuntary shudder.  

I was halfway down the stairs, when Alex came jogging towards me. “I’m so sorry. I owe you.” He gave me that boyish smile and I smiled back, feeling my cheeks flush at the thought of what he was talking about.

“Um…”  It was a very awkward moment, because we couldn’t hug, kiss or say anything inappropriate. Because I was damn sure, that peeping Frank was at the window, with his ear stretched out as far as it could go.   

“It’s ok…I’ll see you.” I began for my car. I opened the door and then turned back around, “Alex!”   

He was already on the porch, when he turned to look at me. “Yeah?”  

“You owe me a phone!” I stated, getting into the car, and driving off.

The night was feeling never-ending. Must have been the eerie silence in the car as I checked for any priors on the ID in my hand. Usually Kevin and I had endless things to talk about, but tonight wasn’t one of them. I’d given Kevin the lame excuse about drama at home with my parents. In other words, I had blamed my no call, no show, on my mom and dad. I’m not so sure he bought it, and I’m pretty sure he’s pissed at me.

It was better than telling him I was getting it on with Alex on the kitchen counter. Right?

I walked out and handed the ticket and ID to the young wild looking woman in the Nissan Sentra and I walked back to the cruiser and hopped in. It was the second car we pulled over with a mooner. In police terms…indecent exposure. It’s even worse when the person doesn’t have good ass-ets.

Quietly I strapped on my seat belt and watched Kevin shift the car into gear. “Are you seriously going to give me the silent treatment all night. I said I was sorry…”

“Hmph…I’m not giving you the silent treatment. It’s not like we are dating or anything like that. I…I just don’t have anything interesting to talk about tonight. I’m tired.” He stated, never even glancing over at me.

Sure buddy. I gave a light shrug and told myself not to bother with worrying about it. I mean, I wasn’t worried about him or his feelings in the first place. It’s just really uncomfortable to be in the same room or space with someone that won’t acknowledge your presence.

“Fine…”

Both our eyes fell upon the purple low rider that flew right past us, and then onto the parade of cruisers with lights flashing and sirens blaring in pursuit. It was almost like a Christmas light show.

My eyes scanned the mess of cars zooming by in the dark and I recognized the unmarked car. There were only two cars that Frank and Alex drove. An old beat up red Mustang or a sleek black Ford Expedition. I caught a glimpse of the Expedition and knew they were in the chase.

“Looks like the night just got interesting.” Kevin muttered. Then turned to look at me, his eyes a bit alarmed. “Uh…not that it wasn’t before…I mean…”

BAM.

We both jolted as the cruiser was hit from behind and moved a couple of feet forward. The low rider had clipped us and was now skidding from one side to the other, trying to balance itself on the tiny wheels.

“Shit. Are you alright?” Kevin asked, placing a hand on my knee.

I let out a groan of annoyance, “Yes…let’s get that asshole.”

He drove off the curb and in seconds was speeding right behind the purple low rider. We were now ahead of all the other cruisers. Since they’d been thrown off by the crazy fucker in the low rider, the others were still trying to make U-turns and avoiding hitting civilians.

Frank and Alex’s SUV was right next to us, going full speed. Alex was behind the wheel and Frank was glaring at Kevin. It was almost as if they forgot about the damn criminal in front of us and were full on racing against each other. Reminded me of the game Need for Speed.

I could see things blurring past me. We were swerving in and out of traffic. Mimicking the purple low rider’s every move. He’d make a sudden left and Kevin would crank the wheel and force the cruiser to turn, sometimes dodging oncoming traffic. I’d close my eyes and wait to be smashed to pieces and then when I’d open them, we were still in route.

My blood was boiling by now, this man had me pretty pissed off. Not only was I sick to my stomach from all the sudden turns, but he was putting me and many other officers in danger. I was happy to see the purple low rider slowing down and we were cautiously staying back a couple of feet.

The low rider maneuvered itself into a small community block, full of peach colored row houses. Their lawns were neatly cut and pretty green for being in Vegas. I was smiling when I realized that he was trapped. There was no way out for him. Unless he charged at us, and I was hoping he wouldn’t.

The perp angled the purple low rider onto the yard and came to a sudden halt. At this point we didn’t know if it was a homie or just a regular guy. Kevin pushed the brakes and Alex parked right next to him. “That bastard!” he muttered, giving Frank the finger.

They were in a cussing battle, which neither one could hear cause of the closed windows.

Idiots.

Then our eyes flew to the low rider. It bounced up, then down, and back up again. It tilted to the side and froze in place. Then the door flew open and a tall pink thing sprinted off into the yard. Kevin swung the door open, at the same time Frank did and they found themselves trapped against each others door.

Frank was cursing in some language I didn’t know. It almost sounded Russian. Eeek. Never mess with Frank, Russians are cold blooded.

My night had only gotten better. I would take that bastard down myself and leave these fools to fight all they wanted. I swung my door open and broke into a sprint after who or whatever had gotten out of the car. I could hear my heart thudding aggressively against my chest. My breath burning my throat. My legs trying to give in.

Let’s just say I’m not in the best shape.

But I didn’t give up, I kept going. Jumping over lawn chairs and dodging miscellaneous objects. There was an instance that I missed a bike in the dark, and tumbled over, flopping belly down. Did that stop me? Hell no. I jumped back up like nothing and continued after that fucker.

I was between two houses and it was almost pitch black in that one little section. “I’m not going to jail officer! Not like this.” The voice startled me, and I came to a halt. Whatever light there was, omitted from porch lights or spaced out street lights and none of it was hitting where I was.

My eyes were scanning the place, but I couldn’t see anything. Shakily I took out my gun. I don’t like taking it out, if not necessary. It‘s just the times I‘ve gone to the shooting range I never shoot the target. By that I mean, nowhere on the target paper.

“Mister you need to come out where I can see you, with your hands above your head please. My partner and the rest of the officers are on their way and you don’t want to put yourself in a bad position. They aren‘t as nice as I am.”

Why did I say that?

“What fucking planet are you from kid. I’m already in a bad position. I stole a car from a group of hoodlums and I just had a shit load of police chase me. And you don‘t want to know the rest.”

Oh shit. I seriously didn’t want to know the rest. I mean what could be worse than fearing for my life, while Mister green eyes raced against Alex and falling on my face while on pursuit. Not to mention I was trying to detain a man, that I couldn’t see.

I looked out into the distance, hoping that I’d see the guys approaching me. But I saw nothing. No one. “Come out where I can see you. If you give yourself up willingly it will be better for you.”

Where the hell are you? Alex’s voice floated over my radio, still holding the gun in one hand, aiming at nothing. I took the radio and pressed the talk button “I have no fucking idea! I have him, but I can’t see a damn thing.” I let out a squeal when something barreled into me and my feet lifted off the floor. And I went down to the ground with a thud.

“I’m so sorry…but I can’t go to jail like this. I need clothes.”

I laid there, trying to breath.

Fuck…Are you alright? Sophia say something! I could hear Alex’s alarmed voice still on the radio.

The man had knocked the wind out of me. “Ouch!” I answered Alex, rubbing my eyes to make sure I wasn‘t hallucinating. There was a naked man hopping away from me, like a damn kangaroo. EW. I had been touched by a naked man.

He had disappeared when I got to my feet and dusted myself off. But seconds later I heard the voices demanding him to stop and to put his hands where they could see him.

When I rounded the corner, there was Kevin, Alex, Frank and a couple other officers all with guns drawn, all trying to contain their laughter. I turned to look at the man. He was standing in a driveway, back to us, ass sagging and arms up and to his sides.

“Nice catch!” Frank mocked me, letting out another bark of laughter.

Asshole. I whispered to myself, remembering that its possible that Frank is Russian. Alex gave me a smile, that instead of intriguing me, made me flush with embarrassment. I was a shitty cop. How could I not take down a naked man.

A car came to a halt in the middle of the road, an older lady stepped out. Her hair was in a bob, all gray. Glasses resting on her nose, eyes squinting at the naked man. “Holy shit. Harold is that you? You stupid son of a bitch!” she screeched.

He was already being cuffed, and someone was yelling that they had found some pants to put on him. I felt sorry for whomever had that task.

“It’s about time they caught you with your pants down. Saw your saggy ass all the way from the gate, can‘t forget that shit. For the love of Pete…” she went on and on.

I kinda felt sorry for Harold, if he had to deal with her running her mouth all day like that. I’d probably do something senseless too. Anything to be far away from her and her nails to chalkboard voice.

The commotion was over and I was waiting for Kevin. I was anxiously leaning against the cruiser with my arms crossed over my chest. Trying to avoid the smiles and snickers from the passing officers. Great! I would be the laughing stalk of precinct 25, till someone topped my stupid display.

“Hey…” his suave raspy voice broke me from my concentration on a pebble. “Don’t beat yourself up. I told you it would suck to be a girl in the force. Did you listen?”

My eyes rolled, “Oh please! I had him, I just couldn’t see. It’s not fair.” I stuck out my bottom lip out and tightened my arms.

He grinned, “Don’t do that!”

“I can pout if I want to.” I snapped, looking away. “You’re not my boss! What’s it to you if I pout anyways?” I have my childish moments. What can I say.

He leaned over, barely grazing my side with his hand. “Because it turns me on,” he whispered and then left me standing there.

I couldn’t help the smile tugging at the corner of my lips. I spun around full smile, and was startled to find Kevin standing across from me opening his door.

“Um…I think we should go.” I said and hopped into the cruiser.

The rest of the night, was just like the rest. With the exception that Kevin was definitely not talking to me. I decided to let him be a big baby and be mad. Anyways, it didn’t affect me in the least bit.

Ok, maybe, just a little. I didn’t want Kevin to be mad at me. We were partners and we spent a lot of time together and I didn’t think I could handle the silent treatment everyday. By the time our shift was over, I was too tired to confront him. So I got dressed and just waved at him and headed out of the station before anyone made another joke about me.

It was quiet in my apartment when I opened the door. “Nick?” I shouted, but there was no answer. A part of me was happy to have my apartment to myself, even though I knew he’d be back any minute. It was already four in the morning.

I took a quick shower, put on a fresh t-shirt and some cotton pajama pants and went to see what there was to snack on. Sometimes I hate my schedule. My day comes to an end, when most peoples is just starting. There was a knock at my door, just as I opened the fridge. I groaned, unlocking it and swinging it open “Nick you forgot your…”

My eyes scanned the man at my door, he looked exhausted and hungry. But not for food. “Where’s Nick?” he questioned, pushing me into the apartment.

“What are you doing here Alex? He’s not here.”

Alex took my hand and pulled me to him. He kissed me passionately and worked his hands up my shirt, cupping one of my breast. I should have worn that sports bra. I pulled away to catch my breath and put a bit of distance between us.

His hazel eyes were full of hunger as he looked at me. He ran his tongue over his lips and grazed my nipple with his thumb. Which made me swallow hard. “I need it babe. It’s been a real long fucking day…”

Puppy eyes.

Who the hell was I kidding? Not myself, that is for sure. I needed it just as much, as he did. My hands flew to his belt buckle, while his worked their way down my pajama bottoms. Our mouths joined once again. Our hands tugged and pulled at clothes and down we went onto the sofa.

Knock. Knock. Knock. The door pounded. We both stopped and stared at the door for a split second. “Shit!” he muttered, crawling off me and pulling up his pants.

“At least he didn’t just come in.” I tried to look on the bright side of things. While I adjusted myself and put back on whatever garments I was missing.

“Shit!” Alex exclaimed again. “What the hell…?” he stop mid sentence when he opened the door to find Frank holding up Nick.

“Heeeeeeeeeeeey brother dude.” Nick waved clumsily and grinned like a fool. I let out a giggle and pursed my lips as I caught an evil eye from Alex. Frank dragged in Nick and he slouched onto the sofa. “Wow everything is spinning.”

Frank gave me that ‘I know what you were doing look’ and I looked away quickly. “Found your little brother trying to pry his door open. Good thing he was struggling with the back door instead of the front door. Thought I’d make sure he got home safe and sound. Didn’t expect to find you here.” He gave Alex a grin.

Nick fell off the couch and was crawling to the bathroom on hands and knees. “I’m gonna be sick!” he mumbled, speeding up the crawl. I decided to give the partners some space and help out Nick. Not that watching a grown man throw up, is really exciting.

I covered my ears and ignored the smell of vomit, as I helped Nick to his feet. He slowly washed his face and then he broke into a sob. “I did it this time Sophia. I blew it. She’s gonna hate me forever…and it’s all my fault.”

There was no doubt that he was talking about his Lauren, but I didn’t know what he had done. Drunks talk out of their ass, then again they say that drunks tell the truth. Who the hell knows. “What did you do Nick?” I tried going along with him.

“I can’t tell you. I’m too ashamed to say it.”

I rolled my eyes.

He took off his shirt, `stripped off his pants and got under the covers. His eyes were opened a slit and then he said something I couldn’t believe. “I cheated on her…with Melony her best friend. She’s…gonna…kill me.” he muttered, before passing out.

“Nick what the hell did you say?” I asked him, but he didn’t budge. Instead he began to snore.

Giving up on him, I headed back to the living room, where Alex was chugging down a bottle of water. He was up close, before I could blink. “Now I’m more than sure we won’t have anymore interruptions.”

“I’m not even In the mood anymore…” I bit down on my lip, knowing he would protest till I gave in again.

He kissed my neck, and snuck one hand up my shirt and the other down my pants. It didn’t take me long to give into him. We were fumbling with clothes again, kissing and feeling each other. When there was another knock at the door.

“For fucks sake. If that’s Frank I’m gonna punch him.” Angrily he buckled his pants for the second time and asked who it was. There was no answer, he looked through the peephole and muttered a couple of choice words.

I joined him at the door and when it swung open, both our mouths fell agape. “Lauren?” we both exclaimed in chorus.

I I threw the pillow over my head to drown out the elevated voices coming from my living room. But it wasn’t working. I peeked at the clock. It was barely Seven-thirty. With a loud groan I flung the pillow across the room, threw the blankets off of me and stormed out my door and down the hall.  

The two lovebirds were standing face to face, looking hella pissed. Lauren looked sleep deprived, and upset. Her hair was a mess, face blotchy and her eyes were red. A sign of crying. Her arms were crossed over her chest.  

“You can’t just up and leave someone…and not give them an explanation Nick. That‘s not fair.” She snapped. Nick looked even worse. He had dark circles under his eyes, his lips were pale and he was looking a bit sickly. His hands were up in the air and his tone was…unlike I’d ever heard.

“That was the point. I didn’t want to give you an explanation. I just need time to be alone. Why can’t you understand that?” His voice was high and full of anger. 

Swallowing the knot of nerves in my throat, I padded into the living room and raised a hand. “Um…excuse me guys…it’s too damn early to be fighting.” 

“Stay out of this!” Nick demanded, pointing his finger towards the hallway.  

“What?” 

“You heard me…stay out of this. You can’t fix everyone’s problems you know.” He growled.  I looked at him startled.  There had to be something really wrong for him to be acting this way. He loved Lauren and wouldn’t just up and leave her. And now that she was here, he wouldn’t treat her the way he was. If there wasn’t a major reason for it. There had been the cheating confession last night, but was that the real reason for all the hostility? 

“Whatever!” I stated and headed back to my room.  

I threw on a pair of jeans, a clean shirt and my sweater and pulled on my boots. There was no way I’d hang out to keep hearing the lovebirds go at it. I needed more sleep. Without a word, I snuck past the bickering twosome and slammed the front door behind me.  

It doesn’t take long to get to Howie’s house. We are all about ten minutes from each other, with exception of Brian who lives on the opposite side of us. Groggily I hopped out of the car and headed to the front porch. My knuckles rapped on the door and I waited patiently for it to open. As soon as the door swung open, I stumbled into the house. Passed the kitchen. DJ and Leigh were sitting having breakfast, “Morning DJ…Leigh and Heidi.” I hollered continuing my trek down the hall like I owned the place. 

“Uh is everything alright?” Howie questioned. He was walking right behind me.

“You look like the living dead. You’re hair is a mess. Did you look at yourself in the mirror before leaving your place? Nevermind…obviously not.” 

I opened the door to the guest room, pulled the covers and nestled into the bed. “I just need to close my eyes for a sec…” I heard myself mumble. Closed my eyes and Howie’s voice faded.  When I woke up the sun was shinning through the curtains and right in my face.

I sat up and looked around. Then remembered that I was at Howie’s house. Rubbing the sleep from my eyes I stumbled out of the comfy bed, and padded down the hall.  

Classical music was playing in the living room. “Leigh” I whispered, peeking my head into the room. Leigh was in her exercising gear; a pair of maternity stretchy pants and a matching tank top.

She was sitting Indian style, eyes closed, hands clasped around her baby bump. There was a weird expression on her face, but I didn’t know what to make of it. Although she was trying to relax, something was causing her discomfort. Her eyes snapped open. Whoosh. She let out a long sharp breath.  

I smiled and gave her a quick wave. “Sorry I didn’t mean to interrupt you. I was just--” 

Whoosh. Another long sharp breath escaped her. “Oh…um…no worries. I was just finishing up. If you’re looking for Howard, he had a meeting on the other side of town. He won’t be available till later this evening.” Leigh leaned forward, set her palms on the carpet and pushed herself on all fours.  

Pregnant people are so weird. When Emma, my best friend since 3rd grade was pregnant with her third kid. I painfully watched her devour an ice cream and anchovy sandwich. It was incredibly disgusting. I don’t understand pregnancy, and probably won’t until it actually happens to me. For now, I’ll settle with watching after my nieces and nephews.   

“Are you feeling ok?” I had to ask. She was rocking herself back and forth. Breathing in and out heavily, and letting out a groan here and there.  

“Yes! No! Yes. It’s just these Braxton Hicks are kicking my butt.”

That doesn’t sound good. Who or what the hell is Braxton Hicks? I watched her slowly pick herself up. Her hand was under her belly and she was still breathing heavily. I was starting to think that the smartest thing for me to do…was to get the hell out of here.  

“Well I should really get going. Thanks so much for letting me crash…it’s just that Nick and Lauren were up early in the morning arguing. I was so exhausted…” 

“Sophia, it’s ok. Why don’t you stick around and I’ll make you something to…ooooh. Good lord!” She bent down and let out a moan.  

My eyes went wide and my heart started to drum in my ears. “I’m starting to think this isn’t normal. Maybe we should try Howie? He might answer.” I stuck my hand in my pocket to get my cell. There was no cell. “Shit!”  

“No. Really I’m fine. I get these kind of pains all the time. Maybe, I should just sit down for a bit.” Leigh trudge over to the sofa and carefully settled herself on the sofa. “You just need to relax.”  

I needed to relax. “Um…I’m just going to make a phone call.” Quickly I made my way to the kitchen and snatched the cordless phone off the counter. I dialed Howie and got his voicemail. Dialed Brian and was informed he was attending an emergency. There was no answer when I called mom and dad. “No need to panic Sophia…you can handle this. It’s not like she’s having the baby right this moment.” I told myself out loud. 

“Hi!” Leigh appeared in front of me. Making me let out a yelp and jump back a couple of feet. “Sheesh…I’m the one having contractions here. Did you have any luck with Howard?”  

“Nothing!” Suddenly she let out a gasp and looked down at herself. My eyes followed her gaze and I noticed that it looked like she had peed herself. It wasn’t strange to me, Emma had confessed to many accidents during pregnancy.  I laughed nervously, “Um…that was an accident right?”  She thought about it for a heartbeat and then looked up at me wide eyed.

“No!” 

“I’m glad to hear….what? No?” Breathe Sophia. I brought the phone to my ear and realized I hadn’t dialed a number yet. Then fumbled with the numbers dialing Alex. It rang once and I heard his husky voice float through the phone.  

“Mclean here. What do you want?” 

“Jesus…is that how you answer to everyone? Nevermind…thank god you answered. It’s me…I need your help.” 

“What happened? Are you okay?” 

“Yes, I’m fine. It’s Leigh…I think she’s having Heidi.”

 Leigh bent at the waist and let out a shaky breath, followed by a long loud moan. “Nevermind…she is having Heidi.” 

“There is no way in hell…I don’t know shit about babies. Call someone else.” 

“You’re the only one that answered my phone call and I think I’m going to pass out.” I sucked in a breath, hoping it would calm my nerves. But the floor was starting to move from under me. 

“Hee…hoo…hee…hooo…”  

“Please Alex get your ass over here. I thought you loved me! I promise I’ll make it up to you. Her water just broke and she’s making weird noises. Meet me at the hospital NOW!” I hung up the phone and turned to look at Leigh. “What do I do?” 

“We are going…to the hospital…my bag is upstairs in the closet please. Hee…hoo…hee…hoo.”  

I called Sanchez and had him guide me to the hospital. Lights flashing and sirens shouting through the streets. We came to a sudden halt in front of the emergency entrance. By now Leigh was in a fit of whimpers and hee hoos, which I suspected weren’t working at all for her. Sanchez got out of his cruiser and helped me haul Leigh into the emergency room. Immediately nurses helped her into a wheelchair and rolled her away, promising they would come back with updates. I let out a sigh of relief. She was safely in the hospital and I hadn’t been subjected to see something come out of such private parts.  

“You look like you might pass out.” Sanchez commented, helping me to the nearest chair. He took his radio from his shoulder. Kssssh. “Mclean, what’s your twenty?”

Kssssh. “I’m parking right behind your cruiser.” 

His radio went off again, announcing a store robbery near Freemont, and I recognized the dispatcher‘s voice. “Well you will be fine now. You’re brother is here and I have to go. Good luck!” 

Absentmindedly I nodded and made a mental note to visit Emma, who was back at work from her vacation.  

“Hey babe.”  

“Hi” I mumbled.   

Beep. The doors to the main entrance pushed open and a nurse headed directly at us. She looked sleep deprived, but content with her job. I jumped out of my chair and stood next to Alex. We were both a bit confused. I know babies come whenever they want, but it can’t take five minutes to push one out. Can it?  

“Mrs. Dorough would like it if you could please come with me. We are unable to get a hold of her husband and she really needs some encouragement. She’s ready to push.” The young nurse gave us a weak smile.  

I felt my insides twist into a knot. There was no way I wanted to go encourage her to push out a baby. Where the hell was everyone when I needed them? My gaze moved over to Alex, who was looking a bit pale. His upper lip was curled in disgust, his hands in his pockets and he was rocking on his heels. His head nodding a vigorous NO.  

“Hell no! I’m not going anywhere near that room. I’m not about to see someone squeeze…”

He removed his shades and I saw the woman in front of me get flustered. Alex grinned smugly from ear to ear. My eyes rolled, and I gave him a nudge with my elbow.

“Yes we are BOTH coming in to support her.” Without a word I took hold of Alex’s hand and dragged him through the doors.  He was struggling against my grip, but I was holding on for dear life. There was no way I’d be the only one traumatized by this. Anyways, maybe this would teach him to appreciate women. Right? That thought actually made my lips curl into a smile.  

We were ushered into a brightly lit room. Where Leigh was laying, both legs pulled apart, with her knees bent and her feet were set into a couple of steel holders. The position wasn’t as troubling, I’d been in the same predicament for the yearly check up. That I tend to prolong.But the sight of blades, and other very torturous looking objects. Not to mention the nurse at the foot of the bed, doing what looked like digging into Leigh. Made it feel like the ground was moving again, and the butterflies in my stomach made me feel sick.   

“If you guys can stand on each side and help her with her knees.” The same nurse instructed, pushing me to the left side of the bed.  

Alex was standing across from me, looking ghostly, and frozen in place. “I really don’t want to do this. It’s not my place to do this. Where the hell is Nick or Brian? They are meant to do this kind of shit.” 

“It’s…not so…bad!” Leigh gave him a weak smile. “Holy crap…that one hurts…” one hand flew to grip the steel bars and the other one clutched Alex’s shirt. “I need this baby out now!!” She growled. 

“Do something…she’s freaking me out!” He snapped, trying to pry himself from her grip. 

“Just pretend it’s me.” Where did that come from? He looked at me dead serious.

“Babe, if this was you. You wouldn’t be here.” 

“What the hell does that mean?” Leigh yanked on him, and he was inches from kissing her belly. I could see the anger flushing his cheeks, but he was doing a good job containing himself.

“That means…that you are not getting knocked up anytime soon.” Panic covered his face. “You’re not, right?!?” 

I had no time to answer. Just then three different nurses began to set up a small section in the far corner of the room. I was guessing it was the area where the baby would be placed after delivery. Then the doctor waltzed in. He was calmly pulling on his gloves, while a nurse helped him with his gown. His voice was almost velvety smooth as he spoke to Leigh. Asking how she was feeling. Telling her she was ready to push.   

He took a seat on a stool right in front of her business. Other nurses crowded around and then we were requested to hold back her knees. I carefully placed my hands on the back of her legs and pulled back, not wanting to hurt her. Although, I’m pretty sure there couldn’t be anything more painful than what she was about to go through. She still had poor Alex in a vise grip, but he wasn’t saying a word.  

She was wailing now, face just as red as Alex’s, veins popping around her forehead. The hee hoo-ing had finally come to a stop and it sounded like she was howling.  There was a humming in my ears, and I really couldn’t make out what everyone was saying. I felt like I was swaying in place, and if I didn’t keep a hold on her legs, I’d tumble over. Get a grip Sophia. After a couple of deep breaths, I could hear everything around me.  

“Oh she’s crowning!” The doctors and nurses all cheered her on to keep pushing.  

I was curious what the hell crowning meant and I peeked my head over her legs. A wave of nausea rushed over me. "Holy…”  

“Is it bad?” Alex asked me, debating on taking a peek himself. Leigh was busy pushing and everyone else was telling her that the baby’s shoulders were almost out.  

Then he did it… Alex’s curiosity got to him and he slowly looked over her leg and towards the doctors hands. His mouth fell open, his eyes glazed over and in a snap of a finger…my tough man went down like a sac of sand.    

“Alex” I muttered, checking him out face down on the floor.

My thoughts were interrupted by a loud squeal and when I looked up there was a baby being handed over to Leigh. At the same time, the doors swung open and in stormed Howie. He flew to his wife’s side and planted a kiss on her forehead and took in his new baby.  

I couldn’t get enough of the moment.

Howie and Leigh both looked up at me and gave me thankful grins. The pain had washed away from Leigh’s face and was now replaced by pure happiness. Her eyes sparkled as she stared at the tiny baby girl that stared up at her. The moment was so intense…I no longer felt nauseated or faint. I forgot about Alex on the floor and realized I was shedding a couple of tears.  

So, this is what it’s like to bring a life into the world. A little life that you and the one you love conceive.  

I think I want a baby! 

We were both sitting on the sofa, like a young couple on their first date. She was at one end and I was at the other. Miss Bastos had changed into some skin tight jeans, and a white V-neck. Her brown shoulder length hair was silky and straight and her face was lit up by a hint of make up. As I get older I tend to get self conscious around women who look so vibrant and beautiful. I felt on my face, and remembered that I probably still looked like crap.

I hadn’t showered, hell, I didn’t even bother to change my clothes, because I thought maybe I’d get some assistance in the shower. Now the thought nauseated me a little.

“So you’re the youngest of the Thompson’s? I met your father a while back, he was such a good officer when he was in the field.” She ran her hands over her jeans and let out a sigh.

A part of me wanted to tell her to shove the small talk where the sun didn’t shine, but the polite part of me was saying that this was all just a misunderstanding and I wasn’t that rude. “Yeah…now he’s a mechanic…” I laughed, “So you know all my family?”

We both turned to look at each other and then quickly reverted our gazes back to the TV set, that was off. “Well I know your dad, Dorough and Mclean. We’ve had our moments of working together. That’s why I’m here…cause we have a job back in Reno.”

I nodded my head like I understood what she was talking about, but I had no clue. Alex hadn’t mentioned no job out of town, but then again, what the hell did Alex tell me.

NOTHING.

Keys rattled, the doorknob turned and the door swung open. “Holy shit!” Alex muttered as he pulled the key out of the doorknob. He looked at her and then back at me and his face went pale. “I…um…didn’t know you were coming today?”

She jumped up and gave him a playful smack on the arm. “Oh I know. I came a little early.”

Was that a flirty comment? I can swear it was. It wasn’t like I was being purposely jealous, but my best friend had made a comment about detective Bastos and Alex and now that I realized Bastos was a woman those comments meant one thing.

They’d had sex.

It wasn’t looking good for Alex right about now, especially cause he hadn’t told me anything. Why do I bother with Alexander Mclean in the first place, it‘s not like he’s the only man out there, but then again it’s not like there are men falling to their knees for me. I stood up and angrily stormed to the bedroom. I stuffed whatever I had into the bag and flung it over my shoulder. When I turned around there he was staring at me confused. As if this wasn’t a big deal.

“Where are you going?”

“HOME! What’s it look like to you?” I pursed my lips in anger and crossed my arms.

He was leaning sexily against the door frame and I was standing there pouting like a baby. “You’re having a fit for the second time today. Do you realize that?”

“Well maybe you shouldn’t deal with it…”

Alex pushed himself off the door frame and closed the door with his foot. Then made way towards me, I kept stepping back until I bumped into the wall.

“She’s just business. I didn’t tell you about it because I knew you would freak out. Plus it’s supposed to be the first time I’m in charge of a drug bust. So cut me some slack, alright.”

I knew I was probably overreacting, because coming from Alexander Mclean, the fact that he was in here trying to explain his situation was more than proof he had nothing to hide.

“I’ll meet you later. Now let me get by…” I knew I was being stubborn, but I was pissed off. He hadn’t told me something as important as the fact that he was going to have a woman that had slept with him in the past, staying in his house. Even if it was just one night. Ignoring the confused look on Bastos face, I stormed out of the house and down the stairs. I flung my bag onto the passenger seat and hopped into the driver seat. Then zoomed off towards my apartment, maybe I’d feel better after a long needed nap.

A warm breeze blew my hair everywhere, I stood staring up at the sky for a bit, it was nice and clear with stars winking above. It was a beautiful evening, and yet I was feeling real shitty. I was still feeling groggy from my nap earlier and the fit of tears in the shower. Don’t tell anyone.

“Yo…”

I spun around and found myself face to face with Richardson. “Jesus…did you have to scare the crap out of me?”

He grinned and I felt myself melt a little. “Someone is in a touchy mood tonight.” He bent down and leaned into my ear. “The chief wants to talk to you that might be a good thing.”

“Ugh. That’s all I need…” I slammed the door and hauled my ass into the station. “I thought I’d come and practice on my aim and get away from everything that is pestering me.”

Kevin grinned at the female officer at the front desk and followed me towards the locker rooms. “Hanging out at the station is definitely a bad choice. Although if you come to shoot a gun that could help. So have you heard anything about some hot detective that’s come from Reno.”

I stared at him dumbfounded, “Shit! You too? Everyone is drooling over this Bastos chic. Personally, I don‘t know what all the fuss is about.”

“Well I wont either until I see her for myself.” He playfully poked my ribs, “Someone sounds like they’re jealous.”

With a roll of my eyes we both made way towards the chiefs office, but were sidetracked when we heard laughter coming from the lunch room. I felt my insides hit the floor and bounce back into my stomach. There they were Bastos, Alex and a couple of other uniformed officers in a fit of laughter probably over some dumb joke she had told.

“Holy hell…is that her?” Kevin’s mouth literally fell open and his eyes went wide. She’s not all that.

My eyes involuntarily rolled again, it was the gesture of the day. “Not you too?” I smacked him on the arm to get his attention, but he was hypnotized and to tell you the truth…I was a bit jealous.

He took my arm and dragged me into the room without any warning. I even tripped over a couple of chairs, but he didn’t even notice. Of course that caught everyone else’s attention, all eyes fell upon us and I felt the heat of embarrassment flood my face.

“Soph…” Alex smiled right away and so did Bastos. She was looking as perfect as I’d seen her earlier. Only now she was all dressed up in a suit and her hair was up in a ponytail. Professional.

I couldn’t help to look down at myself…I’m so plain Jane. “Hi.” That was all I could say, because the jealousy and anger was returning to my gut. The officers all said their goodbyes and welcome backs to her and headed out the room. We stood there in awkward silence exchanging looks. “Oh…I’m so sorry. Um…my partner here has heard great things about you and wanted to meet you. So…um…erm…”

Bastos chuckled and stuck her hand out towards Kevin, “It’s Gabby Bastos, nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you…I’m Kevin, Kevin Richardson.” Their eyes locked for a bit and their hands held for just as long. Instant chemistry.

Alex walked up to me and took my arm, “How long are you going to be pissed off?” He muttered with a hint of annoyance.

I looked up at him with my angry eyes, “I haven’t decided yet.”

“We are to meet the chief in his office in a couple of minutes.” She interrupted our conversation. I couldn’t help glaring at her, it seemed that she was trying to keep me and Alex away from each other.

“Did you rest well after I left?” The anger was apparent in my voice.

“Why don’t we head on to the chief’s office…” Alex interrupted, before we could even start.

I spun around and headed out the lunchroom and stormed into the bathroom. Why did she get to me? Oh yeah…cause she had slept with my boyfriend. I slapped cold water on my face and stared at my ghostly twin in the mirror. The door swung open and I almost jumped onto the counter.. Throwing my hand over my chest I turned to look towards the door. Why was she everywhere? I yanked a paper towel, quickly dried my hands and flung the crumpled paper into the basket.

“You can’t avoid me forever…especially if we are going to work together.” I had no idea what she was talking about. “Upon your father's request I had them add you to our team for the Reno bust. You can’t hate me Sophia when you don’t even know me.”

“I don’t hate you. I hate the fact that…”

She cut me off as she leaned against the door and locked it. I wasn’t sure if I should start rolling up my sleeve and getting into my boxing mode or just relax and listen to her. “I thought you said that we had to be…”

“Would you just hear me out. I’m not here to cause any trouble, I came to get my team so I can do my job. Yes…everything you hear about me and Alex is true. I didn’t know that he was with you at the time, and well…”

I crossed my arms and leaned against the counter, by the looks of it I wasn’t going anywhere till miss pretty got things off her chest. Anyways, I wanted to hear exactly what had gone on with her and Alex.

I must’ve made a face or snorted…something, because she repeated herself. “...like I said before I didn’t know about you two. We both know Alex better than anyone else, he gets what he wants. I'm not complaining...but, if you must know the only affected person...was me. It all happened so fast and unfortunately I’m the one that fell for him, when all along he was in love with you. He loves you…he always has and he probably always will. So do me a favor and stop treating him like shit and embrace the love he has for you.”

She caught my attention there. Not only was her voice a bit shaky but, there were tears in her eyes. What was I supposed to say to all that. I’ve always imagined that Alex loves me. His attitude and actions sometimes definitely show me the opposite.

“I’m not sure what I’m supposed to say after that…” I’m an idiot.

Bastos sniffled a little bit and let out a lighthearted laugh, “You don't have to say anything. I just thought that I'd clear the air...so you hate me a little less. You shouldn’t be ashamed of loving someone Sophia and we can all see that you are. I can assure you that EVERYONE knows, probably even your father. He’s just waiting for you to tell him. Do yourself a favor and stop pushing Alex away, cause everytime you do...he just finds comfort in some other womens bed."

With those last words, she unlocked the door and disappeared into the hall. My heart was racing and it felt like the bathroom might swallow me. Everyone knows about Alex and I…there is no way. I push Alex away, I'd never seen it that way before. I always thought he was the lying, cheating, scumbag.

When clearly I was the bitch here.

Ever since I was ten, I had wanted to be an officer of the law. I loved to see people in their uniforms. Driving in their cruisers, looking all tough and heroic. Now, standing here waiting to confront some big time drug dealer as a whore, had me thinking over my big dreams. I wanted to be a plain clothes cop so bad, and if this was the way to reach that goal, then I’d have to toughen it out. Truth be told, I was freezing my ass off in some cut off skirt that I could feel rising with each step, a very low cut blouse that showed what I don’t have and some enormous heels that kept making me miss a step.

“Are you alright!” Bastos asked me. I rolled my eyes since I wasn’t facing her. She was treating me like a child, as if I didn’t have a couple of months of experience in the field.

I turned to look at her, which only made me more uncomfortable with myself. Even as a hooker she looked good. I on the other hand felt like a damn clown. “I’m freezing my ass of. But other than that, I’m great.”

“I know that you…I just need to advise that you don’t get nervous. They can tell when you get nervous. You’ll have to be a bit more optimistic and sexy!”

I felt my brows scrunch up in protest. This woman had some nerves. “I’m not nervous…I said I was cold. My nipples feel like their about to fall off.”

Bastos smiled wide, just as I heard Howie’s voice float into my ear, “Jesus sis I didn’t want to hear that.”

Warmth flooded my body. I’d totally forgotten about the ear piece and wire in my bra, and no not the kind to hold them puppies up. I was wired, the guys could hear everything I said. UGH. “You forgot to tell me they were already listening.”

She smiled again, “My bad!”

“Are you ok Soph?” Alex’s smooth voice floated into my ears and I felt my knees go a bit weak.

“Yes, I’m fine. You already heard the rest.” I felt my cheeks get hot again.

A van door slid open and out walked my rebel prince. He was wearing his jeans low and a white t-shirt fit to his body. “I need to talk to you…they say he’s about 15 minutes away.” Alex took my gently by the arm and walked me into a dark spot.

I yanked myself out of his soft grip and leaned against the wall. He reached into my shirt and covered the tiny speaker. “You should keep this outfit…” His hand slid under my blouse and caressed my stomach.

“What are you doing?”

His hand moved from my stomach down to my hip and onto my leg. I could feel the warmth of his hand against my skin now, and it was making me hot in different areas. “You really can’t be pissed at me.” He pressed his body against me and I felt my back hit against the wall. Cold wall.

“You didn’t tell me about her.” Alex leaned in and brushed his lips against my collarbone, he knew exactly how to make me melt. How to make me give in. His hand slipped under my skirt and I felt him squeeze my thigh. “I…what…we can’t do this…here.” My breathing was already a bit elevated.

“Who said we are going to do anything.” He took my leg and wrapped it around his waist, and pressed harder against me. “You know…” his mouth brushed around my ear, “…you can’t…” over my chin, “resist me.” His mouth covered mine. I forgot about everything as I felt his warm body against mine and his hand gripping my skin. I kissed him back, my arms wrapping around his neck.

The radio on his belt went off and Howie’s voice floated out through the speaker. “We got 5...lets move. Good luck lil sis. Be careful.”

Slowly we parted and adjusted ourselves. “Thanks Howie. I will.”

“Please be careful. You know the emergency signal, if anything happens just use it. Fuck the bust.” He pecked me again and walked away.

This was great! I was playing a hooker. I was now turned on, not to mention freezing and scared. I should have felt safe, the van had stayed in the same spot and I knew that Howie, Alex and two other officers were in there waiting for the signal.

“Let’s do this!” Bastos said adjusting her blouse and she began walking all funny towards the corner.

I tried my best to mock her moves, but I seriously felt like an idiot. There is nothing sexy about me really. I’m just me.

“Sis you have to make this believable…please don’t make me have an awkward moment and tell you how to be all sexual. I’m already getting hives thinking about it.” Howie’s voice was reassuring and what he had just said made me smile.

I took a deep breath and began to strut alongside Bastos, with one hand on my hip. I can too be sexy, damn it. There wasn’t much time for me to think about it, because a black hummer with tinted windows came to a halt right next to us. The window rolled down and out popped a young guys head. I knew right off the bat, that he wasn’t the famous Frank.

Bastos seductively leaned into the window. “Hey baby…you looking for Lacy and Lexi?”

The young guy which by the way looked like some ex-con, licked his lips and looked straight at me. “As a matter of fact I am. Frank is in the car behind me, get in with him when he comes around. Who is who?”

Bastos stood up and turned to look at me, smacking some gum that I had no idea where she’d obtained it. Thin air. Her boobs. “I’m Lacy…” she gave him a smile and pointed at herself, “and that is Lexi.” She pointed at me and gave me a look.

I pretended to smile, but I don’t think it was working. Just to make sure I gave him a finger wave. He gave me that uncomfortable look and rolled up his window and the car slowly rolled away.

“Stop being such an idiot. I am not about to get killed just because you’re a fucking amateur. Are we clear?” She was snarling at me and adjusting herself, with a fake smile.

“Screw you…it’s not my fault it comes easy to play a whore.” I snapped at her. Knowing damn well what I meant by that comment.

She grit her teeth and barked at me, “You should be happy we are working or I’d kick your ass.”

We both jumped when Alex announced that the car was coming to a halt. The car pulled up and the door immediately flew open. No one said a word and we knew that we had to hop in. As I followed Bastos into the car, I felt my heart racing…so fast I felt it might burst. I was scared. This was a life or death situation, if these men wanted we would never get out of that car.

I sat there slouched lazily, unable to help the knots twisting in my stomach, the fiddling of my fingers or the chewing of my lip. Luckily Frank couldn’t really see me, but I could surely see him. If I’d seen him on the street, there was no way I’d know he was such a felon. Frank was a really good looking older man. He was in a black suit, with buzz cut salt and pepper hair and a million dollar smile.

“Hello ladies.” His voice was deep and manly. We both said hello at the same time and then Bastos started working her little magic. “Why don’t you sit over here…” he patted the seat next to him and looked at me. I felt myself suck in a breath.

Whores don’t have emotions…I kept chanting to myself. Without a word I climbed over their legs and sat next to him. Immediately he looked me over and with one swift move his hand wrapped around my neck and he slammed me against the car door. My heart wasn’t beating anymore, or at least that’s how it felt.

“You bitches are cops!” He yelled and slammed me again. This time I saw a bunch of white specks all around me. Not to mention that I could barely breathe.

“Let her go!” Bastos demanded and they both pulled out guns. She was aiming right at his head and he was aiming right in her face. Although, my vision was blurring a bit it irritated me that I couldn’t see a pinch of fear in her eyes. Nothing. Bitch. My fingers worked at his hand. Of course, that only pissed him off even more.

“Put the gun down or I’ll kill her.”

I'm pretty sure although I didn't have much air left in me, that I sighed. Hell, my life depended on a woman that still had some sort of feelings for my boyfriend and if I were her, I'd definately want me dead. But I was wrong because she slowly put the gun down and raised her hands. Frank may have looked nice, however, he had no sympathy for women. I saw him clunk her right in the side of the head with the butt of the gun.

I was trying so hard to do the emergency signal. Then again, who the hell would have seen it through the tinted windows. Heturned to look at me. "We are on our..." the familiar voice cut off, when he dug into my shirt and took out the wire. He growled in my face as he raised a fist in midair and then I saw nothing else.

Slowly I opened my eyes and found myself staring at what I made out as a ceiling. It felt like my brain was pounding against my skull. Panic rushed through my body when I realized that I was on my back, hands tied up above me and my legs had a loose rope around them. Breathe. I told myself, but I didn’t listen. I began to squirm and kick as fast as I could.

There was no way I would get left here to die on a dirty mattress.

Just as my legs broke free from the poorly tied rope, the door jiggled and flew open. I cringed when I saw the ex-con looking guy standing at the door with a hungry look on his face. He smirked and kicked the door shut with his fancy dress shoes, by the looks of it, this guy wasn’t wasting anytime. He took off his suit jacket and tossed it to the side and loosened up his tie.

“The boss is really mad. He requested that I take care of you…” he had a cynical look on his face, as he rolled up his sleeves, “thought I’d have a little fun before I kill you.”

My heart was about to shoot out of my chest as I watched him slowly make way towards me. Not only was this monster going to kill me, he was going to do who-knows what to me before he did. I swallowed hard. Don’t panic. Stay calm. Sometimes, when my mind asks me to do something, it’s like my body has a mind of it’s own and does the total opposite. I panicked.

I was wiggling my body like crazy, kicking at him now that my legs were free, but it wasn’t helping. The cuffs were slowly tearing through my skin and it hurt like hell. “Don’t you dare touch me.” I blurted, trying to sound threatening.

My fear amused him. He grinned even wider and without warning kicked me in the stomach. I barely had time to gasp for air when I felt his fancy shoe connect with my ribs. I was too busy trying to breathe to fight him off. He pressed two hands on my legs and slowly climbed onto my small frame.

“You’re going to like it. I might even be nice and un-cuff you.” He took his gun out of its holster and placed it right next to me. “No need for that yet.” His hands slowly inched up my shirt; his fingers grazed my skin.

The last thing I wanted to do was cry. Cops don’t cry. Then I felt his tongue leave a trail of saliva along my neck and up my chin, and tears started to flow. Trying to stay as still and quiet as I could; I laid there feeling this stranger’s hands fondling me. Slowly he slipped his way between my legs and gripped my inner thigh so tight, I heard myself wince.

Where the hell was Alex when I needed him.

“If you even think about kicking me…I’ll grab that gun and shoot you in the head.” He gave me a menacing look, but I kicked anyway. Amazingly he didn’t reach out for the gun, instead he popped me right in the face. Instantly blood trickled down my nose and my cheek began to throb. “See what you made me do. I was about to set your arms free too. What the hell, I‘ll do it anyway…I like a challenge.”

One by one my arms hit the mattress and I felt the blood flowing again. They felt so heavy, that I didn’t even try to raise them to fend myself. Minutes passed, and he finally stopped touching me. He was busy looking down at himself struggling with his belt, when I finally had the courage and strength to move my arms. I reached for the gun; aimed at his head and pulled the trigger.

His body fell right on top of me. I couldn’t believe what I had just done.

Quickly, I shuffled away from his dead body. There was pain in my chest with each of breaths. With shaky hands I walked to the door and slowly opened it. There was a long corridor and not a soul in sight. I slipped out barefooted and began my way down the dark hallway. There were so many doors, but I didn’t dare open any of them. Who knows what was behind them.

I came to another hallway and was torn between which one led to the exit. I was about to continue ahead, when I heard a familiar voice, but she wasn’t talking; she was screaming at the top of her lungs. Bastos.

This would have been the perfect time to just leave her there. I couldn’t have been too far from some type of exit. That’s what the mean, jealous and cruel me would do. I tried to take two strong deep breaths, but it hurt so bad I gave up at the first one. Gathering all the courage I could possibly have, I aimed the gun and began slowly down the hallway towards the door where all the commotion was coming from.

Bastos sounded like she was in a lot of pain. So much, I was terrified to even look. Slowly I inched my way towards the open door and stood in horror as I watched her hanging from a rope, where her arms were tied up. The tip of her toes graced the cement floor; anger coursed through my blood. To top it off she was only in her undergarments and the suited guy was finding it amusing to burn her with the end of what looked like a steal pipe.

I couldn’t shoot the guy from where I was standing. It would have drawn attention to us and that was the last thing we wanted to do. Bastos looked up at me and I motioned her to stay quiet with a motion of my finger against my lips. I tucked the gun between my back and the seam of my skirt and got on all fours; quietly crawling towards the twosome.

I ear piercing scream filled the room. I knew exactly what was going on, but I didn’t have the guts to look. I continued with my crawling and hid under a desk, where there was a phone. If I could reach it, then I could try calling Alex’s cell phone and get some help.

Carefully I crawled from under the desk, my eyes shifting from the guy to the doorway. The coast was clear. I snatched the phone and ducked right back under the desk. Bastos was now whimpering; I couldn’t imagine the pain she was suffering, or the discomfort she was in, from hanging from her arms. Who knew how long she’d been there. My hands were shaking as I dialed the number once, then twice.

Alex had never answered his phone on the first ring. I was so overwhelmed to hear his voice that I choked on my words. “Alex…oh my god…you answered…”

“Fuck Sophia! Are you alright? Where the hell are you guys? How is Gabby?

My whole body was shaking by now. I didn’t even know where the hell we were. “I’m…I’m ok. It’s Bastos though, she’s really bad…” I went back into panic mode when I heard footsteps pass right by me. I didn’t even want to breath, so he wouldn’t notice me. “The guy is leaving…what do I do?”

“Ok…don’t panic babe. Go look around and tell me if there are any windows, tags, posters, anything that would give the location you’re at. Try helping Gabby too. I’m gonna stay on the line…GO!”

I was up and untying Bastos in a flash. “It’s going to be ok.” I tried to reassure her, but I knew there was a lot of uncertainty in my voice. As soon as she was loose, her body fell limp against me. “I’m sorry Bastos, but we gotta get out of here. Here…lean against the desk.” I left her there barely standing, while I looked around in a hurry and saw nothing. I bent down and picked up the receiver. “There’s not a damn thing here…nothing. I don’t know where we are.” The tears were flooding my eyes, I wanted to ball up and cry. “I have to go. They will be back---”

“The…kin…gs…gam…ble…” Bastos’ words were a slur. I shook my head to let her know I didn’t understand what she was saying. “The kings…gamble hall. He knows what that means.” Just looking at her made me want to cry even more. I felt guilty. She had welts all over her body and the burn marks were swelling.

“She said, the king’s gambling hall. You should---”

“Oh fuck!” AJ’s voice was uneasy, “I want you to get Bastos and if you can a gun. Try to stay low key and find an exit…we will be there as soon as we can.” I didn’t even get to say another word, before the phone went dead.

I put the phone back and grabbed Bastos on the side. We were hip to hip, her arm around my shoulder and we began our trek down the narrow hallway. My heart was pounding, I was exhausted and in so much pain. It was hard to almost drag the short woman down the corridor, but there was no way I would leave her behind. She’d gone through a hell of a lot in the past couple of hours.

“We gotta get out of here.” Bastos mumbled, “Kings Inn is being torn down today at noon.”

I stopped dead in my tracks and turned to look at her. We didn’t even have a clue what time it was. All hope of getting out of this mess alive was gone. Who was I kidding, Alex wouldn’t be here anytime soon. We were dead.

My mouth had gone dry. I felt that any moment I could pass out and just by the look on her face, I could tell that Bastos was feeling the same way, if not worse. There was no way I could keep going. I stopped and leaned us against the wall to try and catch my breath.

“I can’t go any further.” I muttered, bending over trying to inhale. Pain shot up my side and the air flow constricted. “Shit…I can’t breath!

“You probably have a broken rib. Sophia, I need some clothes. It’s freezing and I might catch an infection. These burns are killing me.”

“Alright…why don’t you wait here and I will look in these last rooms?”

I was so tired. Even though we’d only walked down the hall and around a corner, it felt like we’d walked for hours and we were headed right back were we had started. Bastos looked like she might pass out, her lips were dry and her face was pale. So I offered to help her sit down.

“Are you alright? Maybe you should take a seat while I go.”

She turned to look at me, there was concern all over her face. “If we weren’t in so much trouble, I would definitely say yes. But, by now these guys already found out that we aren’t in our rooms. We have to keep moving. Once we hit this corner, we can go up the stairs and there is a laundry shoot there.”

“How do you know?” She’d mentioned that the place had been closed down a long time ago. So how could she know her way around it.

She gave me a weak smile, as we carefully passed an open door. “A while after they closed down the place they needed all the furniture and stuff out. So they hired different people to help clean it out. My dad came for about a week straight and my sister and I tagged along whenever we could. We used the laundry shoot on the second floor as a slide.”

“Uh…well…who would have known that playing in a dangerous place as a kid would come in handy.” I was trying to be a bit funny, but she didn’t smile or laugh.

Slowly we started our uncomfortable trek again, but we both froze when we heard the cocking of a gun. She looked at me and I looked at her, we both stood unable to turn around. Afraid to face the person who had the power to kill us.

Alright, lets get something straight…I’m not a hero. I’m not courageous. And sometimes, I really wonder what the hell I was thinking when I said I wanted to be a officer of the fucking law. Why couldn’t I have been a pretty pretty princess or a back up dancer for some singer or boy band, like normal girls. Instead I ran around the yard playing cops and robbers with the boys.

So, I didn’t have time to think, and as cliché as this is going to sound; It was do or die. I took hold of the gun tucked in my skirt. Shoved Bastos out of the way and spun around firing my last round.

All I could hear was Bastos calling my name and the clicking of the trigger. I snapped out of it and quickly I helped Bastos up, “I’m so sorry…it was the only thing I could think to do. Did I hurt you? Wait…that’s a stupid question.”

“Sophia. You did great. Now, lets keep moving.” We started to walk and then I remembered that the dead guy had a gun on him. So I left her there and ran back to get it. There were still plenty of those men waiting to get us.

As we rounded the corner, we heard gunshots echo throughout the building. I smiled feeling safe already, we both knew that the police had arrived and that we weren’t far from being safe. Bastos and I quickened our pace as we caught sight of the door to the stairway.

“We are almost there. I promise we can rest once we are inside.“ I wonder if the way I was talking to her annoyed her a bit. I couldn’t help it, I knew she was in distress.

“Ok. I don’t know how much further I can go.”

She wasn’t lying I was dragging her weight along with mine down the hall. Not the moment to mention these things, I know, but she isn’t as light as I imagined. I’m just saying.

I looked around and slipped into the stairway. Slowly, I helped her sit in the corner and then I plopped right next to her. Shots were still echoing all around us, but we seemed to be safe for the moment.

“I’m so sorry. I just need a little rest and we can go up the stairs.” She squinted in pain and let out a moan. We sat there in silence, but the curiosity was killing me.

“Why did they beat you and not me?”

She smiled bitterly and nodded, “I’m not sure I should tell you all this. It’s just gonna freak you out and I don’t wanna do that.”

“Too bad you already said something. Tell me!” It really didn’t make sense, or maybe it did. She’d been his partner before and maybe this was the guy that they had tried catching before. I wonder if they mentioned that in the meeting. I was so busy hating her, most of the meeting was a blur.

Bastos let out a sigh, “Fine! They thought I had information on Alex…they think that we are an item, since last time we were together on the bust and well…you know the rest. He’s after Alex and the rest of your family. He knows you are somehow related…”

“Shit. Now we are going to have some mafia guys after us. Wait…they thought you guys were an item and that’s why they beat you to a pulp…” I wanted to grin a bit, but the truth is I’m not that harsh. She was pretty bad and that just would have been cruel.

“Don’t think of yourself as so lucky. You were next…like I said they know you guys are…” she paused for a bit, “do you hear that?”

I placed a hand on Basto’s knee and gave her a reassuring smile. “It’s fine. I think we are pretty safe here for now.”

I’d spoken too soon. There was the sound of footsteps shuffling up the stairs and neither one of us had the energy to run up a flight of stares, hell, we couldn’t even crawl. So we both scooted into the far corner and I pointed the newly found gun at nothing.

My heart was racing and my stomach was in knots. This was definitely a bust I should have passed up. At this point if I got out of here alive, I didn’t give a shit if they put me back on traffic control. The footsteps were getting closer. My heart was beating faster. A man trotted up the stairs and froze when he saw me pointing the gun. My hands dropped quickly and I jumped up and flew into his arms. He hugged me so tight, I couldn't breath. 

I’d never been so happy to see Alex. “You found us!” I could have cried, but I was too emotional that I was laughing.

“Are you alright?” He was trying to check every inch of me, but I was too busy clinging on to him. Never had I felt so clingy before. “You guys are a mess. Hey Bastos are you alright?”

Bastos forced a smile, “I’ve been better!”

He knelt down and helped her up and she threw an arm over each of our shoulders. “We gotta get the fuck out of here, we have about five minutes to blow.”

We all looked at each other, “Five…minutes…before they start demolition this place. Oh that’s just great!”

“Don’t worry we still go up the stairs and then the shoot is right in the corner. Don’t panic.” Bastos was wincing with each of our steps and we tried as carefully as possible to drag her up.

I wanted to run up the damn stairs and throw myself head first into the shoot. Sometimes I wonder about how I’m going to die. Will someone shoot me on the job? How about at car accident? In my sleep? Never have I thought about being blown to pieces. Sheesh, they would never find me. With all my random thinking we were up the stairs and standing in front of the big hole in the wall; the famous shoot. 

“You go ahead.” I offered.

“OK. I will see you guys down there. Be careful.” She gave my arm a squeeze and Alex carefully helped her into the hole. Down she went.

There wasn’t much time to talk, before I knew it Alex was helping me into the rather dark place, which I didn’t know might kill me anyway. I was being very negative. Cut me some slack, it was a really bad day. “Come with me…now.”z88;

I wanted to wait for him, but he pushed me and I lost grip and went tumbling down into pure darkness, it wasn’t till seconds later that I fell on my boney ass on concrete. She could have warned me about that. 

I could see a bright light at the end of the tunnel, so I ran or trotted more like it. Until I felt the heat of the sun on my body. Instantly Howard was at my side along with other uniforms and paramedics. They dragged me away, but I struggled to stay. There was no Alex.

 “He’s still up there…you can’t leave him! He's your brother.." I was kicking and squirming.

“Sophia don’t be stubborn. This place is gonna blow right about---”

Howie didn’t get a chance to finish his sentence. We were all thrown across the parking lot. There I was on my face with a throbbing headache. Was this day ever going to end.

I woke up and sat up as fast as the pain would let me. I looked around and realized I was in my parent‘s guest room. My head was throbbing and sucking in air, was a task. There was a calm as I saw my mother and her angelic smile hovering over me.

“Seriously Sophia Anabelle Thompson, the things you get yourself into. A broken rib! Getting out of a building just as it’s being demolished! Christ!”

Demolished. That was the key word that sent me back into panic mode. My heart sped up a couple of notches and my stomach twisted. “Alex! Where is he?” I tried getting up off the bed, but my mother pushed me back down with force. “I have to see him!”

“Would you just calm down. What is wrong with you?”

My mouth fell open as I watched my mother. There wasn’t an ounce of worry on her face. Not for Alex. He’d been quite the pain in the ass growing up, but my mother had always showed motherly love towards him. My father; can’t say the same for him.

“How could you be so at ease. You’re like dad…you guys never loved him!” I couldn’t help myself, I broke out into a sob. The memory of the building being nothing but rubble made my heart sting. There was nothing else I wanted more than to see Alex’s face.

“Oh for heavens sake Sophia. What has gotten into you. Of course I love your brother and so does your father.”

“Then why are you so calm and collected. He’s gone and we will never see him again…I will never see him again.” You could say I was throwing a fit. I wanted to kick and scream and maybe throw a couple of things around. The ache in my stomach and heart was growing by the second.

“Sophia, I think the medication has gotten to you. Alex is outside with everyone else. They are all worried about you. We think you shoul---”

“He’s outside? Alexander Mclean is outside? Is he hurt?”

My mother was looking at me like I had gone mad; maybe I had. “This attachment to Alex is a bit worrisome!”

I looked up at my mom. I wondered if she knew what was going on, her comment made me think she didn’t. If she didn’t, then my dad definitely didn’t. Ugh. At this moment all that didn’t matter to me, all I wanted was to see Alex standing in front of me. In the flesh. With that sexy grin on his face. “Please let me see him, mom.”

She sighed heavily and without a word left my room, closing the door behind her. I heard voices outside and a couple of minutes later the door slowly swayed open. I couldn’t help the smile on my face. There he was grinning at me, with his hands in his pockets, standing sexily at my door. “I thought you were…you JERK!”

“Well I would’ve been, if it weren’t for some big ass guy that came charging at me. We went right through the side window, luckily I landed on him. He wasn’t so lucky.”

There they were, the tears streaming down my face. This time it was of joy. I was just happy to see him. He walked over and sat on the edge of the bed, he moved strands of loose hair out of my face and with his thumb wiped away the tears.

“I thought you were dead.” I sat up and pulled him by the shirt and hugged his neck. Without hesitation he hugged me back and brushed his lips against my neck. At this exact moment, I didn’t care if anyone found out about us. If my father walked in and…speaking of the devil, my eyes locked with my fathers. He was giving me a confused and stern look and I quickly changed my mind about everyone knowing. I casually pushed away from Alex.

“I’m glad you and Bastos are ok. She was really impressed with you and said she would put in a word with the chief.” He raised his eyebrows playfully and I couldn’t help but smile.

“How is my little girl?” My dad cleared his throat as he made way towards my bed. Alex instantly got rigid and stood up. “What? We can’t even be in the same room anymore?” My dad growled.

“You’re the one that makes that a bit difficult, old man.” He gave dad a glare and turned to smile at me. “I’ll see you later.”

I wanted a kiss, but that was certainly out of the question. I also wanted them to get along…I’m not even sure when things got really ugly between them. We all knew that AJ was difficult, but my parents seemed to always give him the benefit of the doubt. Dad even seemed to be really proud when he became a metro officer. I guess everything went downhill when Alex and Frank got caught up in a shooting, where two people lost their lives. Something that is still pending trial.

“Maybe you should cut him some slack daddy.” I gave my father the usual puppy eyes, but he didn’t budge.

“That man is out of control. He’s an embarrassment.”

There wasn’t anything I could tell my dad to change his mind, we’d had this argument so many times that I wasn’t sure what the hell to tell him anymore. So I did the easiest thing, which was to change the subject. “So, where is everyone else?”

“Howard went to see his family, but he told me that he’d come back later. Nick is outside…” My dad paused. He knew that we weren’t in speaking terms and was probably waiting for me to say all was good and to tell him to come in. “Don’t you want to talk to your brother again? I can’t have my kids feuding all the time.”

We weren’t really fueding, I was just avoiding his grumpy ass. “I was just giving him his space that’s all. He seems to have a lot on his plate, plus, I have my own things to deal with dad.”

That wasn’t the phrase I should have used, now he was taking a seat next to me. His face was covered in worry. “What is going on? You know you can talk to your father, right?”

“Dad…it’s nothing serious, really. It’s just the usual. Work. Myself. Men.”

“Men? How many do you have?” His eyes were wide.

I couldn’t help from laughing. “That’s just it…there are none.” It was really gut wrenching to lie to my father, it freaks me out to imagine how he will react and feel the day the finds out about Alex. I opened my mouth, but then closed it. I just didn’t have the guts to say it.

“Oh…I kinda like that.” He gave me a smile; one that mirrored my own. I thought the conversation was over, but boy was I wrong. “I really like your partner. I think you should bring him to dinner on Saturday. We are gonna celebrate Brian’s birthday.”

Oh shit.

"Daaaad he's my partner. That would just be awkward." I was whining like a child, but I really hated when my parents or anyone else wanted to fix me up with someone.

Now that I thought about it, maybe bringing Kevin to dinner was a good thing. There was nothing wrong with having my partner over for dinner. What the hell, I would bring him Saturday and I would have Alex bring Bastos, if she was feeling better. She could use a new man in her life, that way there was no way she could get her hands on mine again. I was grinning at my wonderful plan, when my dad decided to ask me the unthinkable.

"You're not a lesbian are you? Because that would be devastating to your mother and I. Not to mention God. Plus, she wants lots of grand kids.”

I made a face, not sure what kind, it was just a face. “I thought you said God loved us all…no matter what.” I was just messing around with my dad. The only time I’d thought I was a lesbian was when Molly Hendricks had kissed me playing spin the bottle. What? It was a kid thing.

Before my dad could answer me, which I wasn’t expecting him to. Leighanne, out of all people was standing at the door. She was trying to smile, but I could tell that something was on her mind.

My father patted my leg and kissed my forehead and walked out. “Shit, you just saved me from the whole I’m not a lesbian dad…men are just not---”

Leighanne flopped onto the bed and cut me off, “I think he’s cheating on me. He comes home really late…and…lately he’s spaced out. I’m afraid to ask him, I wouldn’t’ want to be wrong and upset him. I need your help.”

I bit the inside of my cheek, hating the whole big family thing at the moment. Why did everyone run to me? It was like they forgot that I was the baby of the house. That they had lived way more than me. My brothers were pretty much grown ass men, that were supposed to know how to deal with their own lives. Yet, here and there I always had to repair one of their life vessels. Tell you the truth, I was tired of it already.

“Are you sure? You know he works long hours and Brian helps people more than he should. Maybe, his problem isn’t that he’s cheating he’s just…putting his job first.” I gave her a reassuring smile. That was a reasonable explanation. Brian wasn’t known for cheating or doing anything that would damage his impeccable image or perfect little family. He loved Leighanne and the kids, there was just no way.

She smiled.

“There is no way that Brian would risk losing his family. You should just talk to him.” I should have been a damn family counselor.

“Thanks so much, Soph. I knew I could count on you.” She hugged me tight and then waltzed out of my room. I sighed softly and laid back down. I could hear some of my family laughing and talking outside the room. Then I remembered what Bastos had said and my stomach coiled.

Was my family really in danger? Shouldn’t I say something?

The thought scared me, but I was too tired and overwhelmed with the conversations of the day to focus on it. I closed my eyes and hoped that when I woke up it would be Sunday morning.

I was dreading tonight. It was going to be a full house and I had this jittery feeling in the pit of my stomach; like something was bound to go wrong. Sue me, I’m in a bit of a negative mood. I’ve been at my parents house since the demolition and I haven’t been able to see much of Alex. Plus, Nick and I still aren’t speaking and Brian wont budge on talking about his drama. On the upside, Kevin and Gabby accepted our invitations and they are our fake dates for the night.

I got out of bed and headed to the bathroom. My mother was in the kitchen with her long blonde hair in a bun and her apron tight around her waist. She seemed so content and happy cooking and cleaning, something I just couldn’t understand. My father came up from behind and planted a kiss on her neck. I couldn’t help but smile, so many years together and they still looked so in love.

What was the formula to keeping love alive? I’d have to ask my parents, and if they dared to say anything pertaining to sex, I would shoot myself.

There were a bunch of butterflies in my stomach as I got dressed, by the time I finished Brian and Howie were in the living room having coffee with the my parents and their wives, while the kids were running a muck.

They all stared at me as I slowly made way towards them, my ribs were still killing me and I was just sore everywhere.

“What?”

“Nothing” My dad answered.

With that said, they all turned back to their conversations, except for Howie. He seemed to know my reasons for wearing a dress.

I scowled.

“Hey aunt Soph! We are glad you are ok!” DJ gave me one of his bear hugs and all the rest of the kids joined in. OUCH!

“Thanks you guys!” I squeezed them all back. Then headed directly towards the cute little newborn. I carefully took her in my arms and instantly smiled at her tiny almond eyes, that were already observing me. Unknowingly I made up some baby talk and swayed her back and forth.

A couple of minutes later the bell rang and I raced the kids, as fast as a baby in arms would let me, to open the door. We all crashed into the wooden frame and fumbled to be the first to open. We were in a fit of giggles as the door flew open and in stepped Alex, Gabby and Kevin. My face flushed and I smiled nervously.

“Hey you guys come on in.” Bastos looked amazing, welts, bruises and all. “How are you feeling?” I asked as I gave her a quick embrace.

She smiled gracefully, “I’m doing much better. They gave me pain pills…and a couple of weeks off.”

“That’s great! Well come on in you guys…everyone is in the living room.” Alex passed me and discretely smacked my ass, which didn’t help much with the face flushing.

“How’s the rib?” Kevin asked me, but his eyes were on Gabby’s backside. “Man she’s amazing.”

“You are supposed to be my date, remember! You can’t disappoint my parents so early into the dinner.”

Kevin wasn’t even looking at me, he was in a trance and I was about to smack him the hell out of it. “I can’t help it. I’m in love.” I rolled my eyes and carefully pushed the baby into his arms. It worked he was instantly mesmerized by the itty bitty girl.

I thought we might sit and make small talk with everyone, but dad was pretty ready to get dinner served. He had everyone in the dinning room trying to find a seat. Howie took Heidi from Kevin and placed her back into the car seat, where she looked all snuggled up.

Kevin quickly bumped me out of my seat and sat next to Bastos, leaving me no choice but to sit next to Alex. Not that it was a bad thing, but I was nervous enough I didn’t need him making me feel worse.

Dad was sitting to the side, looking like the king of the castle, thankfully opposite of us. Mom was across from him, Howie and Leigh were together and so was Leighanne and Brian. I was between Kevin and Alex and the kids were at their table. Everyone was talking over each other, except for me, I was just observing fiddling with my napkin.

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah…I’m…uh…” I turned and found Alex’s brown eyes assessing me. He was too close for comfort and I could see my dad’s eyes boring through us. Lately, he always watched when Alex was around me.

“Fuck the old man…he is glaring at me.” Alex muttered.

I jumped when I felt the warmth of his hand on my knee. “What are you doing?” I mumbled trying to discretely remove his hand from my thigh, but instead he moved it up my inner thigh and under my dress.

“So how are you and Kevin doing Sophia.” My dad’s voice snapped me to attention.

“Huh?”

“I thought Kevin was your date tonight?” My dad was doing his interrogative talking now.

Howie and Brian both spoke at the same time and then Howie repeated himself. “Dad can we pick on Sophia and her date AFTER dinner. We are hungry.”

My dad huffed and started by serving himself and passing the food down. That funny feeling in my stomach was back and full force, not only because I had a feeling my dad had something to get off his chest, but because Alex had his hand rammed down my skirt and he was doing something that was making me see a bit of stars.

“Holy crap!” I blurted feeling the blissful feeling rising. All eyes fell on me and I flushed instantly. “I’m sorry…I…” I turned to look at Alex, who was in a fit of snickers. I wanted to smile, but I thought my brothers would catch on. So I stuck to the serious look and tone. “I’m sorry I hit my knee.”

The front door swung open and in waltzed Nick and Lauren. He wasn’t looking too great, it was like every time I saw him he was fading. They took a seat next to Howie and quickly served themselves. The conversation had moved onto Officer Laurence Martin, who’d been caught red-handed with an underage prostitute while on duty. So somehow the subject at the table was about cheating. Had anyone cheated before? Why would someone cheat? I didn’t say much, because I had the ugly side of the cheating story. I’d been cheated on and they were both sitting at the same table with me. What the hell?

Kevin and Bastos were fitting right in with the family, they were deep into the conversation with everyone. Sharing their opinions and laughing. They were kinda cute together. Then out of the blue Leighanne stood up, threw her napkin on the table and blurted what was on her mind.

“Brian I know you are cheating on me!” She squealed and sat back down.

The whole table went silent and Brian turned three shades of red. “What?”

“Brian is this true?” My dad’s voice was strong. Man he sure did take this whole father role a bit too far, sometimes.

Brian’s head snapped to attention and he shook his head. “Of course not dad. I don’t know what your talking about Leighanne. I have a lot on my plate…and I would have appreciated you talking to me about something like this, in the privacy of our own home.”

Lieghanne giggled like a crazy person, “Oh stop! Stop acting like we are a perfect family. Your children don’t even see you and we don’t even have sex.”

That was a low blow for Brian, he was squirming in his chair and I gave him credit for still sitting in his seat and not running off; like I would have. “Jesus!”

Alex busted out laughing and Brian pointed a sturdy finger at him. “You don’t get me started!” It didn’t phase Alex, but it made me uneasy.

“Say whatever is on your mind brother!” Alex snapped.

Lauren stood up now and looked around the table, tears glistened in her eyes and her face was full of sorrow. “I’m sorry Nick, but I have too.”

He grabbed her arm, “Don’t even---”

“Nick is sick!! He has a heart condition and if we don’t help him…” she broke into a sob. “…he’s going to die!”

My mother slowly placed her napkin on the table and covered her mouth. “Please tell me this is a joke, Nick. This is all a stupid joke…this fighting and confessing things at the table.”

Everyone was just looking at each other. My heart had crawled out of my chest and flopped onto the table. A knot grew deep in my throat and I felt like breaking down to cry. How could he not tell me such a thing? I thought we were close. I couldn’t keep my mouth shut and I just said it.

“You are a jerk…how could you not tell me that. You said it was because you cheated on Lauren with Melony?!?” I felt my eyes go wide and my hand wrapped around my mouth. I’d blown it. I was gonna pay for that outburst.

Lauren spun around to look at Nick, her face was covered in pain. “Is that true?” Her words were a whisper.

I bit my lip waiting for Nick’s response. He turned to glare at me and shook his head slowly. “I’m sorry Lauren…It was---”

She was up and storming out of the house before he could finish his sentence. I looked at him pleadingly and kept apologizing, but that didn’t work. It was my turn.

“I told you that in secrecy. We all tell you things in secrecy, because Sophia is the baby who listens and understands each and everyone of us. The one that wont rat us out no matter how fucking bad our secret is. Right?!?”

“I’m sorry Nick!” I was starting to ease up a little. Thinking his whole rant was over. I mean, he wouldn’t do that to me.

Would he?

“Yet, Sophia Anabelle Thompson has the biggest secret out of all of us…” Howie tried to interrupt, but he just raised his hand to shut him up. “she’s had it for years. Dad…mom…your sweet little girl has maintained a pretty sexual relationship with her adoptive brother for the longest time. Right Alex?”

Alex jumped up and reached over the table, ready to beat the crap out of Nick. But my dad slammed a fist onto the table and stood up to Nick. “How dare you talk about your sister like that.” I thought that was the end of that, but he turned to look at Alex and I. I couldn’t look him in the eyes. “Is it true Sophia? Out of all the men in the world you picked someone that is a brother to you…besides that he has nothing to offer you.”

“Dad…I…I can explain. It’s all just…” this was my chance to make things right. To let him know how I felt about Alex, to put Alex first before my fear of our secret being leaked and even though it was out in the open. I wanted to deny it.

Alex looked just as pained as Lauren, he adjusted himself and grinned. “It’s all a bunch of bullshit. Sophia is smarter than that to mess with someone like me, old man. This asshole is hallucinating…I think he needs some medication for that fucked up heart.”

I stood up and tried grabbing him by the arm. “Alex wait!” HE yanked himself out of my grip and stormed out of the house and towards his car. I followed at a slower pace. “I’m sorry…I freaked out.”

“I’m sorry too. I love you Sophia, no matter what the old man says…I fucking love you. It’s just a shame that you don’t feel the same way. I get it.” He hopped into this car, slammed the door and sped off; leaving only a cloud of dust.

Brian, Howie and Nick were waiting for me at the door. “Are you alright?” Brian asked patting me on the shoulder.

“He’ll come around.” Howie added.

Nick ran a hand through his hair and kicked dirt. “So much for dinner…”

My anger rose as I heard his squeaky girly voice. I let out a high pitched scream, forgot about how fragile he was at the time and lunged at him. “YOU ARE A JERK! I HATE YOU!”

“You started by telling Lauren about me cheating…I don’t even remember saying that. I would never cheat on Lauren, especially with Melony. So you deserved that…”

Brian and Howie were holding me back, while I kicked and swung my arms at him. I was too tired to continue, the guys wouldn’t let me touch him anyway. I stopped and the guys let me go. The knot in my throat was about to explode and I didn’t want it to be in front of them.

“Give me your keys!” I held my hand out and waited for Howie to drop his keys in my hand. “Please.” He did as I asked and hesitantly put them in my hand. I began to walk away and spun around. “I’m sorry Nick. I know you guys always tell me your secrets…and usually…I keep them. But I panicked…because…I don’t want to believe that you might die.” I hopped into the car.

“Soph…Sophia.” I could hear Nick calling me. My floodgates had opened and I wasn’t going to let them all see me like this. I had to get lost.

The week went by fast or slow. I’m not sure, I don’t remember. I spent my days going to work, moping, crying, watching romance and waiting for the phone to ring. It never did. I guess I had really done it this time.

Why couldn’t anyone understand where I was coming from? I just didn't want to disappoint my dad. It wasn't because of who he thought Alex was, it was about what he would think of me. You know, for not being honest from the begining. Shit.

Nick didn’t bother to come back to my apartment, not even to pick up his things. They were still in my guest room collecting dust. Tears rimmed my eyes anytime I thought about Nick and his heart. How could we not notice. I mean, I had noticed the paleness and his loss of weight, but it didn’t occur to me. When we were younger eveyrone seemed to pick on him because he was the youngest, yet the biggest of the bunch. I thought he looked fine, but they badgered him so much. As soon as he found the willpower he lost it all and landed himself a gig as a surfer. We should have gotten a hint when he just up and quit his surfing. He loved doing that.

I shoved my face into my pillow and cried some more. How had my family gotten so screwed up. What other secrets was everyone holding back. I thought I knew them all, apparently not.

My phone rang interrupting my fit of cries. I gulped back the knot in my throat and roughly wiped away the tears. “Hello” I sniffled trying to sound normal.

“Oh Jesus! Are you still crying?” I heard Brian’s angelic voice and it broke me into another sob. “Sis…stop it.”

That was easy for him to say, he didn’t feel as shitty as I did. Knowing Leighanne she’d apologized over and over and then they’d made sweet…ew. I won’t even finish that.

“I can’t…help it…everyone…is mad at…me.”

I could already see him shaking his head. “No, they are not. Soph it’s not your fault that Nick is sick and well…we kinda understand that you are afraid to tell dad the truth about you and Alex. I don’t want to grill you about it, cause I know that you aren’t feeling great, but the truth is…you blew it.”

“I thought you felt bad for me?”

“I do, Soph. It’s just that for the first time I saw Alex’s sincerity and the pain he was feeling. He REALLY loves you.”

Why do people think I don’t know that. If only they knew how much my heart swells up when he looks at me. I sighed and once again wiped at the tears. “So what’s up with you? Is Leighanne still mad at you?”

He sighed heavily, “I don’t think so. Man, for her to think I’m cheating. Sure, with my job. Listen…I called to invite you camping with us. We are going next weekend and we would love for you to go with us. Please.”

This was a bit fishy, because Leighanne is not the camping type. She swats at anything remotely winged and wears heels almost everywhere. Maybe, he just wanted us to be all together, like when we were little and dad would take us down to the river to camp. I smiled remembering those days.

“I’m working that day.”

“No you’re not. I had dad pull some strings so you all get the weekend off. We are all going camping. Without mom and dad so that we don’t have another confessional, or at least don’t’ give one of them a heart attack.”

I felt bad to turn down the offer. So, I gave into it and agreed to meet at his house on Friday morning. Just as I hung up with Brian there was a knock at my door. I wasn’t expecting anyone, so I crept up to the peephole and smiled when I noticed Angie and Hannah.

Quickly I unlocked the door and swung it open. I wasn’t so happy with the what I saw at the door anymore. My sister had a bruised cheek, a black eye and her lip was busted.

“What the hell happened to you?” I grabbed her and shoved them into the apartment.

Besides Alex, Angie is our most troubled kid. I’m not sure why either. Mom and dad were great with all of us kids. Plus, she was always the pretty one. The one chosen for the plays. Prom queen. A straight A student and yet as soon as she graduated high school her life went down the drain. We didn’t’ understand what had happene to her. She had all kinds of dreams and goals that she wanted to achieve and then one day she just gave up on it all. She began to whore around, until she got knocked up by some asshole, who left her with a baby and never looked back.

“Don’t worry about it!” she snapped, smacking my hand away from her face. “I need you to watch this brat for me. I have some shit to do. Can you do that?”

“Uh…sure…” Hannah hugged me and I hugged her back. Such a fragile little girl.

My sister didn’t even bother to say thank you or good bye to her daughter. She just spun around and walked away. There was something not right about this picture. Angie is everything, but a bad mother. I looked down at Hannah who was clinging on to me for dear life.

“Everything alright Hannah banana?” She didn’t answer and instead tightened her grip. “My ribs honey!” I squealed and she loosened up. I decided not to push it, and guided her into the kitchen for a snack. Sweets always make me feel better…usually.

I quickly made Hannah a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and watched her gobble it up, like she hadn’t eaten in days. “Auntie Soph…do you mind if I shower?”

“Um…no. Sure. I actually still have clothes from the last time you spent the night.”

She just shook her head and we headed to the bathroom. I set the water for her and wandered off to find the clothes. My cop instinct was kicking in. I found all this a bit weird. Hannah could talk the ear off anyone and today I was pulling out words with a spoon.

I picked up the phone and called Brian. “Dr. Littrell’s office!” the spunky receptionist answered.

“Hey there, it’s Sophia can I talk to my brother.” She asked me to hold and within seconds he was on the line.

“You better not tell me you’re changing your mind.”

I forced a giggle and told him it wasn’t that. I explained Angie’s bruises and the awkward behavior from Hannah. “Damn Angie! Why can’t she ever pick someone good for her. What about Hannah is she bruised or…” I think he didn’t have the nerve to finish his sentence, but we were thinking the same thing.

“She wont let me. I ran the bath for her, but she kicked me out right away.”

“Sophia, she is a six year old. Not a teen.”

“Hey!!! I don’t have kids…why don’t you come over and help me. I mean you have Bailey and they are the same age.”

Brian cleared his throat, “I can’t. Hannah is not my…she’s not my child.” With that he hung up the phone. Well have a fit why don’t you.

I didn't have much of a choice, but to push all my negative thoughts to the side and enjoy the rest of my day with Hannah. We lounged around and watched TV, played some board games and ate tons of snacks, till we passed out cold on the sofa. I don’t know for how long we slept. All I know is that a really loud knock at the door woke me up. I cringed looking at the clock and realizing that my ass was late to work

I opened the door and there stood Angie with her busted up face and some money in her hand. She stomped right on in and went directly to shake Hannah awake. “Thanks a lot for watching her. She wasn’t a problem was she?”

“Of course not! What is up with you? What is wrong with Hannah?”

Her eyes sprang open and she looked up at me in shock. “What do you mean? What did she say?”

Bingo. There was definitely something going on and I wasn’t going to sit around and let it continue to happen. “Hannah is staying here with me, atelast till we go to the camping trip.”

“Fuck no! She is my daughter and you can’t keep her here. That would be kidnapping. I will call the police.”

“I am the police!”

Angie threw her head back and laughed. “Oh yes…miss police officer. Fuck you Sophia. She’s my daughter and I’m taking her with me. If you even dare try to stop me…” she menacingly pointed a finger at me and dragged Hannah out of the apartment.

Unfortunately she was the mother and there wasn’t much I could do. Hannah hadn’t given me any reason to believe she was in danger, really. But I wasn’t stupid, I knew there was something in her eyes. She was scared of something and I was going to find out what the hell it was.

Although it had been a couple of days since Hannah’s visit, I couldn’t stop thinking about her. I didn’t want to be the aunt that was a complete idiot and had ignored the signs that something was up. I had decided that I would check up on them later today with Kevin. With a sigh I looked in the mirror and realized how pale and shitty I was looking. Usually I was good at masking my pain or problems. That was my cop thing. Today I really didn’t give a care. I just wanted to get this day over with and go home and sleep. Sluggishly I got out of the car and dragged my ass towards the station. The first person I saw was Kevin. He was hanging out in front of our cruiser.

“Hey my favorite partner…” he gave me that goofy hot smile and I smiled back.

I was still embarrassed about bursting into tears here and there while on the job. Kevin is an easy going person and he would just say ‘let it all out’, but I was still embarrassed. So the first thing I did was apologize again. “Listen I’m so sorry about how I‘ve been acting.”

Kevin sighed heavily and squinted his eyes as he looked up at the sky. “You know I care about you. I want you to be ok.” I rolled my eyes and nodded. “We can’t do our job well if we have a lot of shit on our minds. So, I was thinking that you need to talk to Alex. Just try to fix things with him.”

“There is nothing to fix.”

“See there you go again. Um…Sophia we all know about you and Alex. You are the only one in denial and probably your father.”

“You know?”

He pursed his lips and did a big eye roll. “Believe me it’s very obvious…the chemistry between you two. Which at some point was annoying to me, but anyways. You have to either go for it and screw what your dad thinks. I mean, in the end he will except what you do cause it’s your life. Or you need to just let it all go and focus on being the best cop you can be. I can’t work with you when you are a jumble of emotions…it‘s exhausting.”

My mouth fell agape and I was glaring at him now. “Oh so now I’m hard to work with?”

Kevin didn’t answer he just gave me shrug. I took that as the end of our conversation and I stormed inside just to crash into Alex. My stomach fluttered and I took a deep breath. I heard him apologize and walk away. Maybe Kevin was right. I had to make the effort to make things right with Alex. Although, I had to admit that I was scared of his reaction. I knew he’d seen me, there was no way he hadn’t. I stood next to him, but he continued with his conversation with the officer at the front desk.

I cleared my throat, “Alex can I talk to you please.”

He sighed and turned to look at me with his dreamy eyes. Then he started walking towards the offices. “There isn’t much to talk about!”

With a bit of hesitation I grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him into an empty office. He was staring at me like I was crazy, but I just wiped my hands on my jeans and bit on my lip. I wasn’t sure how to start this conversation.

“I know I messed up! I’m so sorry…I freaked out.”

“You don’t have to worry about it anymore. I’m letting you off the hook.” He was saying it, but I didn’t believe him. He wasn’t looking me in the eyes and I was kinda happy about it. I didn’t want him to see the tears.

“Alex you know damn well that I love you!”

Just as he opened his mouth to speak, the door opened and in popped a blonde’s head. She must’ve been new, cause I’d never seen her. She gave a friendly smile and looked at both of us. “I’m so sorry for interrupting. Um…Alex, I just wanted to make sure we are still on for dinner at my place tonight.” The friendly smile had turned into a flirty one.

Ugh.

Alex smiled back and nodded. “Yes, I’ll be there when my shift ends.”

She giggled and gave him a wave. I felt stupid. Of course Mclean moves on quickly. Screw this, maybe it was good to be off the hook. I wouldn’t have to worry about my father or what everyone else said. I sniffed back the tears and stomped out the room. He didn't follow me.

Rounding the corner I crashed into Kevin. “Where did you go? You ok?”

I faked a smile, “I’m peachy. Hey you wanna do me a favor?”

He raised his brows with anticipation. “Sure, as long as I don’t have to--”

I cut him off. Kevin can be a bit slow sometimes and it gets a bit irritating. “Come on. I need to check on my sister. I have a feeling something is not right.”

Angie lives just as close as we do to the station, only she lives in the shitty area. Kevin parked in the middle of the rocky road, we hopped out and slowly began towards the door. I started to get nervous when I saw the screen door hanging by it’s hinges and and the main door was wide open. There was a whimpering coming from inside and my stomach dropped. Kevin and I drew our guns. It was safety protocol. We both slowly crept up the stairs and pointed our guns towards the door. I gave him a look and he volunteered to go first.

“Angie? Are you alright?” I hollered entering the room. It was mayhem inside. Things were knocked over, dishes broken…it was like a tornado had passed through the inside of her usually beautiful trailer.

I know what you are thinking, of course, the woman lives in a trailer park. Angie lives in one of the nicest trailer parks in town. It looks like a community and the trailers are double wide, so they look like houses. Sadly they are in a bad area. There is even a security guard usually patrolling, but right now he was nowhere to be found.

“Aunt Soph help!” I heard the voice and panic rose in my heart. My lungs constricted and I froze. Instead of running towards Hannah’s voice. I froze in place. I was too afraid to face what could be wrong with her. Somehow, even though Kevin and I haven’t been partners for too long. We know each other too well. I say this because, I didn’t even have to tell Kevin to go see for me. He gave me a nod and disappeared through the narrow hallway.

“Sophia call for an ambulance NOW!” I heard Kevin shout and finally I snapped out of my trance. I dialed right away and called in for the paramedics. Angie and I may not get along like normal sisters should, but she is still my blood and I care.

Hesitantly I entered the room and cringed at the sight of my sister laying there, with bruises and blood all over her face. “Holy shit Angie. Are you alright? Can you hear me?” Her eyes were slightly open and she was trying to tell me something.

“He is still here…” Hannah whispered and looked towards her room. Just then I saw a shadow fly out and run towards the door. I flew up and sprinted towards the door and jumped on whatever or whoever it was. I landed with a grunt and was face to face with the security guard.

“I didn’t do anything she didn’t deserve.” I rolled off him and Kevin picked him up like he was a feather. “She tried to jack me man. Damn junkie…wanted to give me her daughter in exchange for blow.”

I tightened the cuffs around his wrist to where I knew they would more than hurt. He whined and wiggled, but I didn’t care. I flung the door open and pushed his ass out of the house. He stumbled on the stairs and fell on his face. By now there were two other cruisers and officers standing guard.

“You were going to take the offer weren’t you…” I looked at his name tag. “Brad…you were going to hurt my niece…”

He was on his feet now and looking at me in horror. “I was…no…maybe…if the dumb bitch wouldn't have freaked out.”

"Is that why you hit her?"

“Ok Sophia why don’t we just let them take him.” He put a hand on my shoulder and I shrugged it away. I was so angry that I was crying. I wanted to hurt him and if I could get away with it, I would have blown his dick off. Instead I punched him right in the jaw. I heard the officers all gasp in surprise but no one moved a muscle, not even when I kicked him as hard as I could in the ribs. He cried out in pain so I did it again.

"What the hell is going on?" I heard Howie's concerned voice and saw him pushing his way through the officers. "Sophia! Stop!"

I stopped and turned to look at him. He looked at me with concern and then back at the scrawny security guy, who was now standing with Kevin's help. "He deserves it! Actually...he deserves this..." Cut me some slack here, i'm not usually this violent. The thought of him even thinking about violating Hannah pissed me off. Plus, I have a lot of things on my mind and I want someone to feel my pain. I took out my gun and pointed it at his package.

He squealed. "Get this crazy bitch away from me!"

"Christ, Sophia what is with you. Put that thing away...you are going to get nothing but a suspension if you pull that trigger. Please put it down." I was breathing hard and my finger was on the trigger, but one look into Howie's concerned eyes made me lower the damn thing. The last thing I need is a suspension.

Kevin was holding the security who was still going on about me being crazy and how he had rights. Howie was shaking his head and I was trying to justify my actions. 

"He sells drugs to Angie AND he was going to rape our niece. Our Hannah...he was going to hurt her." I sniffled and waited for HOwie's reaction.

He stood perfectly still his eyes fixed on the scrawny guy. I could see the pain in his eyes now. He was still processing it all, when I saw someone strike scrawny right in the gut. Scrawny bent over in pain and fell to his knees with a loud grunt.

I'd thought it was Howie, but my eyes were on him the whole time. Then I turned to look and Alex was standing right next to Howie with his cop stance.

It might be stupid. Childish maybe...I suddenly felt safer.

I started thinking that, although, the camping trip was bound to end up a disaster. I couldn't wait to be out of this uniform and around my family. Maybe we needed this trip to bring us back together. What could really go wrong out in the wilderness?

I was bent over hiding behind a tree. Trying my best to stay out of anyone’s sight. My stomach wasn’t too happy about the bumpy ride, the twosome making out in my presence and Kevin’s southern drawl trying to ease my nerves. Not to mention that I’d brought my niece with me without her mother’s consent. Then again, she wasn’t in the position of giving me one.

Right?

My head was pounding too. The thought of my sister being beat up by some loser drug dealer, posing as a security guard, really pissed me off. The fact that Nick hadn’t even acknowledge my presence during the whole ride was a bit uncomfortable. Lastly, the man that I was madly in love with was pretending like he didn’t even know me.

It took a couple of hours to get from Las Vegas to Pahrump and the camp ground isn’t exactly the one that Dad used to bring us to, because were we used to go there was a lot of wilderness and we had to set up tents. I didn’t see anything that resembled tents on the RV or where we had parked. Plus, what could we possibly need a big old log house for, if not to stay in it. Part of me was disappointed, because I had imagined that this would be like the old days, but the other part of me was happy we would have running water and wouldn’t have to pop-a-squat behind some tree or bush.

After my heaving pure air I stood up and took a couple of deep breaths to ease my stomach. The air was definitely fresh out here and it smelled like soil and wet leaves. The place was beautiful. When I met up with everyone again, they were dragging their bags off the RV’s, one by one. I wanted to be happy that we were all together and that maybe all the bad things would be forgotten. But I had a feeling there was much more to come before we could even think about making up with each other.

Hannah and I hopped on the RV and took our bags. She seemed to be doing better today, but I was still worried about her. She didn’t really talk much, but I caught her laughing with the kids and as soon as we were all settled in our rooms they were off to the lake in their bathing suits.

The room picking was by far the least favorite thing to do so far. I watched as all the couples picked their rooms and yes that included Alex. The two single men got to share, which left me sharing with most of the kids. With a defeated sigh I unpacked my things and decided to meet the rest of the women downstairs.

I took baby Heidi in her little polka dot bikini and pink sandals and gave Leigh and LeighAnne a break. They ran off in their water gear and headed for the lake to keep watch over the other kids. I settled into the beige cushy couch and laid the baby on my chest. She was wide awake, yet peacefully still.

She was the perfect companion right now. No judging me. No ignoring me. She was just enjoying her three day vacation; something I was far from doing. I heard commotion coming down the stairs and cringed when I noticed blondie in her pink-barely-there bikini. AJ was holding her hips walking right behind her. My stomach somersaulted when our eyes met and I forgot about the baby on my chest. I shot up and her tiny hands grabbed hold of my shirt and she let out the loudest shriek.

“OMG! Is she alright?” blondie was at my side swiftly. Trying to pry the baby out of my arms.

I’m pretty sure I growled at her. “She’s fine. I just scared her.” I carefully rocked the baby back and forth till her little hands loosened on my shirt and her cries subsided.

“Wow you have a way with babies!” Seriously. Did blondie not see it all over my face that she was not welcomed around me. I sighed internally and wondered if I was just being an obnoxious bitch. She gave me a warm smile and it made me want to cry. She must have finally seen my discomfort, because she placed a hand on my shoulder and asked if I was ok. I nodded and forced a smile. “I don’t think we’ve officially met, even though we work at the same place.”

“I don’t think so.”

“I’m Lori…I’m in the call center. I know you are Sophie, Alex’s younger sister.” She reached out to grab Alex by the shirt, which I could tell made him uncomfortable. “You are so lucky to have a great brother like him.”

I felt the bile rise to my throat. “Shit!” I handed over the baby and ran as fast as I could up the stairs, crashed into Nick and then stumbled into the bathroom. I was letting everything out, my nose was running and my eyes were teary. I knew I wasn’t crying from the heaving, but from the massive knot that was still lodged in my throat. The gut wrenching feeling in the pit of my stomach. She had my Alex.

There was someone behind me and I was startled when I saw Nick looking down at me confused. I wiped my mouth with my arm and tried to get up, but the room just spun around me and I stayed in place.

“Let me help you up!” The stubborn part of me didn’t want Nick’s help. He’d avoided me all day and now that I was sitting here all vulnerable and a mess he was at my aid. Then again, I did need the help to get up.

I pushed myself up and took his hand and he threw his arm around my waist. “Thank you.”

There was no usual smile or bright blue eyes on Nick. He was cold and he looked bothered by helping me. “That’s what family does. Help each other…”

“Are you trying to tell me something?”

He let me go and leaned against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest. “Not really. Don’t think that because I’m helping you, everything is going back to normal. Because it’s not!”

“I don’t know what you are so angry about? You threw me under the bus too.”

“It was about time someone did it.”

"That's not fair Nick! I wasn't ready to tell dad...I'm not ready. Plus...I didn't...I..."

Nick glared at me and I knew he was trying to come up with more things to hurt me.

"You what? You wanna blame me for pushing Alex to some other bimbos arms. No, you did that all by yourself. Just because your life is a mess, doesn't mean you have to fuck up mine."

Ouch!

I pushed past him biting my lip to hold in the tears. I knew he was right, my lack of judgment had once again pushed Alex into the arms of another woman and this time I knew it was for good. At the moment Alex wasn't the reason for my anger towards Nick. I headed for the stairs and he did too.

"You have nothing to say do you?" He muttered.

We both stopped mid-stairs and I spun around, "It's more like...you fucked up our lives..." He looked at me startled and I even heard someone gasp from downstairs. But I didn't bother looking to see who was there. I smacked him in the chest once and then again "because you're dying...and you didn't even BOTHER to let us know. To let me know..."

I spun around ignoring the shocked faces staring at us and double stepped down the stairs. "Sophia...Soph..." I didn't know who was calling me and I didn't really care. I just wanted to get away.

Night had fallen and the howling in the distance had encouraged me to go back home. As I trudged through the wooded area I wondered how I would face everyone. Most likely they were are pissed at me for talking like that to the sick guy. Someone had to tell him. No one wanted to mention the fact that Nick was sick and that there was more than the possibility that he could die. I wiped away the tear that trickled down my cheek.

The light on the porch was on and Kevin sat on the stairs. He stood up when he got a glimpse of me.

“Hi.”

“Hey! I thought you were gonna camp out there with the wolves.”

I smirked, “Very funny…”

He sat back down and I sat right next to him. Kevin didn’t say anything. We just stared out at the darkness trying to read each others minds.

“I was wrong in saying that. Everyone is probably mad me.”

His hand landed on my knee and the warmth penetrated through my jeans. “They are not mad at you. Nick was looking for you earlier…he was worried. I was worried.”

I gave him a playful shoulder shove, “You’re my partner…you’re supposed to worry.”

“That’s right. I'm just your partner.”

“I’m glad your back.” The familiar voice scared both of us and Kevin quickly stood up. He dusted himself off and excused himself. Nick sat down next to me. “I was worried you might try to swim home.”

My gaze remained on the darkness.

“I’m sorry Soph.” He waited for a reaction, but I didn’t have one. “I said some really harsh things…”

“It’s not what you said. It’s what you didn’t say.”

Nick let out a heavy sigh and rubbed his hands together. “I just didn’t want you guys to be sad and feel sorry for me. I watched Lauren get sadder with any little thing that happened to me. She treated me like I was handicapped. It was annoying and emotionally painful.”

“If you would have said something sooner maybe---”

He shook his head and spoke softly. “Sophia! I need you to understand something…I’m going to die…I just don’t know when. I need you to be prepared and accept that.”

I shook my head vigorously and pouted like a child. “NO! Someone can fix it…whatever it is.” The sobbing had started and I was once again out of control. “You can’t tell me to accept that you’re going to die. I can’t. I won’t.”

“Oh Soph.” His arms wrapped around me and I wrapped mine around him.

There was no way I would accept that my brother was dying. No way in hell.

The next morning I woke up to a poking in my ribs. I groaned loudly to let whoever it was know that I wasn’t quite ready to get up. But that didn’t work the poking continued. Groggily I opened one eye and then the other and rolled them when I saw the tall blonde standing over me, holding out a stick ready to poke me again.

“Seriously!”

“The kids wanna go hiking and I thought, who else could I torture with such an activity. It came down to you and Howie! Are you in?”

So this was the price I had to pay for making peace with Nick Carter. How could I say no to him? He was batting his eyelids and pouting like a child. Then the unwanted thought about it probably being his last hike hit me. My stomach fluttered and I instantly gave into the idea.

“I’d love to.” I exclaimed hopping out of bed like nothing.

Half an hour later I was geared up in shorts, my hiking boots and my hair was up in a pony tail. Waiting alongside Kevin and Howie for all the kids to be approved to join us. Katy was the only one denied the permission to go and was having a fit due to the news. Leighanne was too worried she’d get tired or worse. I agreed.

“This is going to be awesome!” Baylee piped giving DJ a high five.

“Their not gonna be that excited after we go up that one hill Nick was talking about?” Kevin whispered to me. I just laughed. I wasn’t going to be so excited my damn self.

AJ and Brian came through the door huffing and puffing both in a light bicker. “Just admit you don’t know how to fish Alex!”

“The hell I don’t.”

“You almost hooked my eye out!”

Leighanne ran up to him as soon as he said that and she started caressing his face and asking if he was ok. Alex grunted and rolled his eyes, while Brian smirked. He seemed more amused by the whole incident, than mad.

“I’m a pro at fishing. I’ll help out. It’s still early anyways.” Nick dropped his backpack and took the fishing rod from Alex.

All four men headed back to the lake and the women and kids were too curious to stay behind, so we all trailed behind them. Nick wasn’t lying about being a pro, he quickly baited the hook and flung it behind him yelling out something about watching for the eyes. We all snickered and Alex just huffed.

His eyes looked me over and stopped at Kevin’s hands that were placed on my shoulders. My stomach flipped and I was tempted to smile. I didn’t. I just looked away and focused my attention on the fishing expert who was pulling out the tiniest fish we’d seen.

“Expert my ass!” Alex mocked.

Nick turned red and then shrugged, “Hey I caught something!”

“He’s got a point there.” Howie agreed.

"That shit doesn't count!"

"The hell it doesn't. A fish is a fish...no matter it's...size!" Nick retorted playfully.

The debate continued for a couple of minutes and each of the childish men took turns catching the wimpiest fish. It was more of a contest to see who fished out the least edible one. After the debate of who was a better fisher; we headed out to the trails to do our wonderful hiking.

The higher up the hill we went, the tighter the muscles in my legs got. The more I wheezed. The more I just wanted to run back down and wait for them to finish. Nick, Howie and the kids were already way ahead of me and I knew that Kevin was staying behind to help me, just cause he felt sorry for me. He confirmed it when I looked and saw him sitting on a rock with his hand extended watching me crawl on all fours up the rocky trail. The green eyed man was trying his best to control the smile on his lips, but it wasn’t working.

“Shut up! Just because I accepted to come hiking, doesn’t mean I know how. This is the scariest shit ever.”

“Oh come on! That one time you got shot at would beat this.”

I finally took a seat next to him and started dusting my hands and knees off. He placed a hand on my knee and swiped at the tiny pebbles that were clinging to my skin. Warmth spread through my body as I felt his hand make contact with my skin. I looked up to tell him I didn’t need his help and found that his face was only inches away from mine. There was always the subtle attraction towards Kevin. I mean he’s the epitome of tall dark and handsome. Throw in the green eyes and the body and we’ve almost got perfection.

My eyes were fixed on his and there were a ton of butterflies in my stomach. This was probably not the best thing to do at the time. The last thing I wanted to do was make my partner ‘the rebound guy’. Then why wasn’t I moving? Instead I felt my face inching slowly towards his and his warm hand against my cheek instantly made my eyes close. His breath tickled my lips…

“Aunt Soph!”

I screeched and fell off the rock and on my ass. “Hannah.” Kevin stood up laughing nervously as he helped me up once again. “I’m sorry. It’s just that we are taking a break and uncle Nick asked for you.”

“Oh…well then lets go.” We all trudged up the hill to catch up with the group. They all looked up when we appeared, they were apparently having a burping match and by far the winner was Baylee. They were in a fit of laughter as they took turns belching.

“Boys!” Hannah whispered with a smile.

We had our snacks and drank plenty of water. I was hoping there wouldn’t be a need for potty breaks, because there wasn’t so much as a bush in our path. The rockiness stayed behind, but the path grew narrower and steeper. We’d been going at it for almost half an hour and I was exhausted. Howie and the kids had fallen back and Kevin being the protective person he is, stayed all the way in the back. I didn’t have the slightest idea how we would get the energy to go back down.

“It’s not…that far.” Nick huffed. His pace had slowed down and his breathing was elevated.

“We should just rest, Nick.”

“Sophia, you are doing that thing?”

“What thing?” I didn’t even know what he was talking about.

“Treating me like I’m incompetent.”

“I am not! I’m freakin tired…the kids are tired.”

He sighed and turned around, “Just a couple more steps to go. Hang in there Soph.”

That was easy for him to say, because even though his ticker was defective, the guy was in shape. Whether he wanted it or not; I had a watchful eye on him. This was a lot of stress on the body and no matter how fine he believed he was, we didn’t know what could trigger his heart to stop. He suddenly came to a halt and took in a deep breath. His hand rubbed against his chest and I was tempted to ask him if he was ok. I let him be and watched him start up again.

Five minutes later Howie, DJ, Baylee, Nick and Hannah were bouncing around like Rocky at the top of the hill. Which to me was more like a damn mountain. I sat on a rock and took in the beautiful view of the lake, trees, people in their boats and the blue sky. It was all so beautiful and peaceful. I watched my family act a fool, jumping around with excitement, smiles across their faces. There was only one thing missing…Alex.

I shot up when I saw Nick bend over, he was holding his arm and he was cursing. The jumping stopped and everyone turned to look at him. I stood glued to the ground. Watching as Howie bent down and tried talking to him, but Nick said nothing. It was like everything had slowed down. I watched Nick slowly fall to the ground, his body looked strained and his hand moved to his chest. Hannah’s scream brought everything back to regular motion and I sprinted towards my brothers.

“Nick!” I slid onto my knees and slapped him lightly, but now he wasn’t responding. His hand had fallen to the side and his eyes were closed. I placed my fingers on his neck, but I didn’t feel anything.

“Is he alive?” Howie’s panicked voice startled me.

“I don’t know I can’t feel anything.” Tears were now streaming down my face and I was panicking along with Howie. “I swear to God Nick…you can’t die!” I pulled myself up and thrusted the heel of my hand into his chest and continued to pump. “1...2...3...”

“I can’t call 911. There is no signal here.” I heard Kevin say.

“13...14...15...” I took Howie’s hands and placed them in my position and instructed him to count to fifteen again. I tilted Nick’s head back, pinched his nose, took in a deep breath and blew into his mouth.

Howie was on his fourteenth thrust when I blew again. My own chest was tight and I felt like my heart might come up out of my throat. It took me six deep blows before I saw Nick’s chest start to rise slowly and felt his pulse beating under my finger tips. “We have to call someone!” I said.

“No…” Nick croaked. “I’m fine. Just…give me a…a…minute.”

“We are going home right now. As soon as we get back we are packing and going home.” I stood up and walked away. I wanted to be strong, so that the kids wouldn’t get more scared, but I couldn’t. I covered my face and began to cry. Kevin’s arms wrapped around me and I cried into his chest.

Later on that evening no one hesitated to pack up a day early and head back home. We had to get Nick to the hospital as soon as possible, even if he was being stubborn. It felt like an eternity to get to the hospital, but we made it. Nick was quickly admitted and put under a bunch of tests. Howie had the painful job of calling mom and dad to give them the news. Leighanne and Leigh had taken the kids back home to get some rest. The rest of us just waited as patiently as we could in the waiting room.

I sat in the uncomfortable chair shifting from one side to the other. Absent-mindedly picking at the skin around my nails. The hiking incident flashing through my mind over and over. Tears filled my eyes. Kevin took a seat next to me and placed a hand on my leg.

“He’s going to be ok. You saved his life!”

I couldn’t say anything to him, so I just shook my head. That’s not how I was feeling. Deep down I was terrified. He was in the hospital now, where people died all the time.

Mom and I spent Sunday glued to the seats next to Nick’s bed. The doctor had given us a vague description of what had happened, which to me was just a bunch of mumbo jumbo. Something about cardiomyopathy and it can happen out of the blue. The doctor had confirmed that Nick was doing fine and that they were only keeping him overnight for a couple of days. I didn’t buy it, but I didn’t want to upset Nick with questions. So, when I found him having a light argument with the doctor after my coffee break, I tried to brush it off.

Monday I had to go back to my normal life. The midday shift which was usually the shittiest shift ever. Then again, it was the busiest too. Kevin was already waiting for me with a coffee in one hand and a chocolate covered donut in the other. He smiled wide when he saw me approaching the cruiser.

“Well hello there. I’m glad to see you ready to protect and serve.”

“Not sure I’m really ready.”

We both met at the front of the cruiser. He shoved the last piece of donut in his mouth and gulped down his remaining coffee, then pulled me in for a tight hug.

Having Kevin there to comfort me was becoming a habit and I wasn’t sure that it was a good one. We broke the embrace when Frank and Alex came out of the station talking away about a new case.

“Yo you two lovebirds wanna follow us. Dead hooker on 3rd.” Frank grinned maliciously towards me and Alex just glared at us.

I gave him the finger and we hopped into the cruiser. The day had barely started for me, but I wanted it to be the end of my shift to go home change and go back to the hospital.

We didn’t talk much on the way to 3rd street. I liked that about Kevin. He didn’t tend to smother me with questions and feel-better lines. He angled the cruiser to cover the entrance to the alley, where there was a group of people already gawking at whatever had happened. I got out and adjusted my gun and started walking towards the alley where Alex, Frank and another couple of officers were standing.

There was a woman wearing barely anything splayed out on the ground. Her legs were twisted in a weird angle. Only one heel on and the other laying nearby. Her arms were spread out and her eyes were wide open. Her bright red wig had slipped off her blonde haired head. She laid there lifeless and just seeing her made my stomach knot up.

“What a waste!” Frank snickered and Alex elbowed him in the gut. “I’m just saying.”

Alex bent down and slid his fingers over her eyes. His action made my heart flutter, that was the nice guy I knew and loved. The coroner bent down across from him and quickly explained what he believed had happened. I was too spaced out that I didn’t even hear what had happened. It looked like a shot to the head from where I was standing.

After the whole dead girl…hooker thing, we were paged to a domestic violence call. When we arrived it was like deja vu. The woman was sitting on the curb with a wad of paper against her bloody nose. Kevin and I exited the car with are hands on our guns.

“Did you---” Kevin hadn’t finished his sentence before the woman started yelling at us

“Arrest that bastard!”

“Ma’am are you ok?” Kevin asked.

The young woman was hyperventilating now and crying hysterically. “He tried to kill me. Look…he shot me.” She leaned back and showed us where she had a white blood soaked shirt pressed against her body. “He’s crazy and my son is in there!”

I grabbed my radio and called for backup. “You stay with her I’m gonna go see what’s up with this guy.”

Kevin hadn’t even made it to the door when a tall built guy covered in tattoos flew out the door holding a shotgun in his hands. “Back the fuck up! Or I’ll blow your pig brains all over the place.”

“You don’t want to do that. Why don’t you put the gun down?” Kevin reached for his gun and aimed. He was calmly backing away. I on the other hand wanted to snatch him and run for cover.

The woman stood up and spun around. “You stupid asshole. You can’t point a gun at a cop. Put that thing down. Give me my son.”

“Who will miss a pig? Huh? Come back in the house and I wont hurt anyone.”

“I can’t let her go back in there. She’s bleeding really bad and we need to get her to the hospital.” I’m not sure where I found the courage to speak, but I did.

Kevin finally stood in front of me, I knew he was covering me on purpose. “You should let me…go in there…” the young woman whispered. She was looking bad.

“I can’t…I’m sorry. He’s armed.”

In the background I could hear the crying of a frightened child. One of my pet peeves was when children were involved in domestic violence calls. What the hell did they have to do with anything?

My thoughts were broken by the familiar explorer and another cruiser pulling up. All four men hopped out and aimed at the armed man. “Put the gun down and your arms above your head.” I recognized the voice and when I turned to look at them confirmed it was Sanchez.

“I can’t go to JAIL!!” He hollered and shot a round.

I closed my eyes tight and stood frozen in place. When I opened my eyes Kevin, Alex and Frank were missing and Sanchez was talking to me, but I couldn’t hear him.

“Soph…are you alright?”

“Wha…?” I looked around panicked that the guys were gone. “What happe--” My heart sank when I saw the young women, whose name I never even got sprawled on the floor. Half her body was on the sidewalk and the other on the street. There was a large hole in her chest, blood everywhere. “He killed her? She had a baby!” On queue a little baby boy with only a diaper on staggered out crying from the house.

I ran as fast as I could to grab him. He’d be looking for his mommy and the last thing I wanted was for his little brain to have embedded the image of his dead mother. My guess would have been that he was barely turning one. I scooped up the crying baby boy and cuddled him in my arms. Trying my hardest to keep the tears in, this was not good for me.

It was a whole hour before the young woman by the name, Ebony Williams, was rolled away. Her boyfriend was caught and thrown in a cruiser. The social services took baby Mike from my arms and promised to give him a good home.

My head was pounding. My spirits were at an ultimate low. I couldn’t stop thinking that today was a day of death. And that deaths came by threes.

“Are you alright?”

I looked up into Alex’s eyes, surprised that he was talking to me. “I’m fine. I think. It’s been a rough Monday.”

He shook his head, “Tell me about it. I think you should take some time off.”

I furrowed my eyebrows, “I’m fine. I don’t need time off, this is our job right. People die all the time.” I’m not sure why I said that, probably because I knew why he was suggesting the time off. "You shouldn't worry about me anymore."

"I'm always going to worry about you."

My hand flew up to keep him from saying another word. This was definately not the time or day to talk to Alex. "I can take care of myself. Thanks." With that said I walked away and got in the cruiser with Kevin. "Let's roll."

Fortunately, the rest of the day went by a lot smoother. Minus the massive headache that had come about after the shooting. We rolled up to the station, thankful that the day was over. I was already antsy to see Nick and my mom. Kevin gave me his charming smile and said goodbye.

I headed to the hospital.

The next couple of days were a blur to me. All I knew is that it was Thursday, it‘d been a long day of filling out DUI reports and Nick had been cleared to come home. My shift was almost over when the chief called me into his office. That always made me nervous, he was this big white guy that reminded me of my father.

“Hey there officer Thompson. How is everything going with your brother?”

“He‘s fine thank you. Coming home today!” I wasn‘t sure if being honest was the best thing to do with the chief, but I didn‘t want to do small talk. Not when I was about twenty minutes from going home to see my brother. “I doubt that‘s what you called me in here for, sir.”

He chuckled and motioned me to take a seat. “Alright then, I’ll get to the point. Sophia…you are a great officer and I’m proud to have you here at my station.” He let out a heavy sigh and I knew he was going to say something negative next. “But, I’ve gotten a few reports that you are a bit spaced out. I think this whole thing with your brother is affecting your work. You froze in the middle of a call the other day. That man could have shot you or officer Richardson and you weren’t prepared.”

I gritted my teeth and knew right away who the report had come from. Oh he was so gonna get it. “That was only once chief…”

“What about the incident with the other guy at the liquor store?”

I rolled my eyes, that guy had totally deserved what I’d done. “He deserved more than a kick in the balls. He pissed on my cruiser.”

“I’m sorry about everything that is going on. I already spoke to your father and he feels the same way I do. I’m going to give you some time off. Two weeks so that you can get some sleep and get yourself together. Alright?”

I shook my head in disbelief. “But chief this is where I come to forget everything going on. This is my job.”

“I’m going to work it out to where you can get paid for the time off. I can’t allow you to carry a gun and a badge, if you are a threat to others.” He stuck out his hand waiting for me to turn in my badge and gun.

With a deep sigh I unhooked my badge and slipped the gun out of the holster. I handed them over to the chief and walked out of the room without saying another word. My blood was boiling and I was hoping not to see anyone, so I wouldn’t have to unleash my wrath on them.

That didn’t last long. Kevin was leaning against my car still in uniform. “Hey!” He greeted me with a smile. I walked past him towards the driver side without responding. “What’s wrong?”

“Are you seriously asking me what’s wrong?” I unlocked my door and swung it open. He raised his brows and shrugged. “You and Alex both put in a report about me not doing my job. I’m fine.”

Kevin smirked, now he knew why I was so pissed. “We did it for your own good, Soph.”

“Neither one of you know what’s good for me. Just because you’re my partner and we occasionally have some sexual tension…doesn’t mean you have the right to butt into my life.”

“I was just worried about you. Alex mentioned it to me and I had already been thinking about it, so we made a decision.”

“Oh, so now you two are chummy. Nice. I thought you were my friend…Kevin! I hope you enjoy your new cheery partner.”

I jumped into the car and slammed the door.

It didn’t take me long to get to my parents house. There was a bouquet of balloons and a welcome sign on the porch. It made me smile. Happily I opened the door and was startled to see the amount of people inside.

Alex, Howie and Brian were all there, along with the wives and kids and on top of that there were three really good looking strangers sitting around Nick. I was in heaven.

“Hey sis. Come in…I know it’s a full house.” Nick smiled widely and motioned me to come over with his hands. I stopped by greeting everyone else. DJ and Baylee were hanging with Nick and his friends like they were grown ups. They gave me big hugs when I finally reached them. “These are my friends from Cali. We used to work together.”

I smiled nervously at the three extremely attractive men. They all greeted me with a smile and handshake. “We’ve heard a lot about you and your family.” The one with dark hair said.

“I’m actually working on a surprise Nick has for you. It will be done by next week.” The blonde blue eyed one said.

“What’s up” The cutest one said.

Shyly I gave them all a wave. “A surprise for me? What is it?”

“We are going to Cali on your day off next week. Surfing. The guys said we can stay with them and they will teach you too.”

I was excited, we’d talked about it in the past, but it had never happened. “Oh my God that’s awesome!” I looked over at Alex and glared at him. “Since apparently; I have a couple of weeks off.”

Nick looked up and his smile was wiped off. “What happened?”

I shrugged with a sigh and told him not to worry about it. The last thing I wanted was him feeling bad about it. “It’s nothing. I need the time off anyways.”

My mom still looked like a mess as she kissed my cheek. “How is my baby?”

“I’m good mom!”

Dad came up from behind her and gave me a big bear hug. It was his guilty hug. I knew that most of the men in my life had been in some type of a meeting and had decided to request I get a break. As if I needed it.

We all ate, mingled and had a few laughs for the rest of the evening and then I grabbed Hannah and headed to my apartment. She showered. I brushed her hair and tucked her in. I was getting used to having the kid around and I knew that it was going to hurt like hell when her mother came knocking on my door, ready to take her back to that horrible life.

“Aunt Soph?”

“Yes Hannah!”

“You think I can stay with you forever?”

I sat next to her as she hugged a teddy bear. “I wish. But your mother misses you and she’s getting better. When she comes out from the hospital she’s going to be a totally new mommy for you. I promise.”

With that said she closed her eyes and fell asleep. I took a quick shower and wrapped myself in a towel. I headed to the kitchen for a glass of water and was startled when there was a knock at the door.

Nowadays I had to admit that anything scared me. With all that was happening I had let my guard down and forgotten about the famous Frank guy that had gotten away. I looked through the peephole and for a second wished it was Frank instead.

I tightened the towel around my body and unlocked the door. I opened it a peep and glared at the man standing there sexily. “What do you want?”

“On most days…what’s under that towel. Right now; I just want to explain myself.”

The comment had sent a hot rush through my body. I rolled my eyes and opened the door to welcome him in. Not that I wanted to hear his lame ass excuse for throwing me under the bus. Although, it was gonna be some pep talk about how much he cared and maybe loved me and he worried. All bullshit to me.

“Alright then…explain. Why the hell you and Kevin are even discussing anything about me? Why you would tell dad? And why the hell you care?”

I was so angry that I’d forgotten I was just in a towel. It was hard for me to keep myself together. My heart was drumming inside my chest. The need for him was gnawing at my body. There was nothing more I would have liked than to get a hug from him. Instead, I got a roll of his eyes.

“Oh come on. We did it cause we care about you.” He pointed a finger at me, “Look at you…you’re a mess. Plus, just because we aren’t together anymore, doesn’t mean I don’t care or love you.”

“You love me? Right.”

He left out a sigh. “I didn’t come to talk about what we had or didn’t have. I just…you need to get your shit together.”

My lips pursed into an angry pout. I’d really wanted to hug him a couple of minutes ago, now I wanted to deck him. “Just like you do. Running into some bimbos bed right away? Maybe, I should do that too…I know Kevin is willing!”

Alex’s jaw clenched. “Blow me!”

“You have your blonde to do that. Now if you are done with your lame explanation. I would like it if you leave!” I didn’t really want him to leave, but he seemed set on his decision about our relationship being over and it pained me to have him near.

He just shrugged in defeat and started for the door. Slowly he took the hand and stood for a couple of seconds and then closed the door behind him. My heart was aching and I wanted to cry, but I’d told myself that this was for the good and I wouldn’t let it get me down.

I went back to my room and pulled on pajamas. Went for a glass of warm milk, went to lay down on my bed and passed out.

What time was it? I had no idea. How I got to the kitchen? I didn’t know either. But I couldn’t breath and the ground was moving from under me. The phone was still at my ear and I was staring blankly at the wall. With all the days I’d spent with him and all the crazy things we’d talked about. I’d thought maybe he was getting better.

“Aunt Soph is everything alright?”

Hannah’s groggy voice brought me back to the moment and I swiped at the tears. “Um…we have to go see uncle Nick. He’s in the hospital, again.” Quickly we changed and headed to the hospital.

I’m pretty sure that everyone hates hospitals. Because I truly do. Unconsciously I was pulling poor Hannah down the corridor towards the nurses station, but the kid didn’t even protest. We zipped in past the family and I felt my heart sink.

“Hey. I’m ok!” He said extending his arms. He said it so comfortably. Deep down inside I knew that he probably wouldn’t be ok.

I hadn’t even noticed that I was bawling, not until I sat down next to him and felt his warm arms embrace me. I hugged him as tight as he could handle. Nick and I had been really close when we were little, since we were the youngest. We’d climb trees together and throw raisins at the guys during hide n seek. It made me cry even more to think that for a moment, I’d forgotten all about him. That I had developed the mentality of ‘Out of sight. Out of mind.’ I thought he was doing fine. That he didn’t really need us. The thought of him finding out about his heart, broke mine. I thought about how afraid he must’ve been and how alone he must have felt.

Even though we’d made up from our last fallout…I felt so guilty. I volunteered to stay that night. While mom and dad took Hannah with them.

“It must’ve been hard to leave California…the surfing?” I had to ask.

He smiled and sighed heavily. “Yeah…it was. Then again, I did what I loved for a couple of years and I kept getting sick and having to forfeit the competitions. It wasn’t fair to my competitors…”

The nurse interrupted our conversation to check Nick’s vitals. My stomach twisted into a knot as I watched her check if he was functioning normally. After everything she smiled and wished us a good night and she was gone.

“It was harder to leave Lauren. I should have known she was going to look for me.”

“I tried calling her. I got her voicemail.”

He gave me a crooked smile. “It’s ok…it’s better that way. That’s what I was trying to avoid.”

“That’s not really fair to her though.”

He shrugged and gave me a weak smile. Then closed his eyes falling asleep quickly.

A few days went by and each of us volunteered to stay overnight. I could sense he didn’t like to be treated like there was a way he could survive. Sometimes he talked like he was already dead. Something that really irritated me. I have to say there were days that he didn’t look too well, but he kept smiling and talking everyone’s ears off. There were moments that I just couldn’t keep it together and I’d excuse myself to the restroom and cry.

I’m a cop and I should be used to people dying all the time, but it’s not the same when it’s someone that holds a piece of your heart; that’s your brother. I was washing my face, but I could feel the warmth of my tears. Nick was awfully pale when I saw him in the room. I’m pretty sure it wasn’t just him being sick that had him looking that way. He missed Lauren and wanted her to be there, no matter what he said. I’d tried getting a hold of her at least twice a day; there was never an answer or call back.

He hugged me tight when I sat down next to him. “You can’t be sad in this room Soph.”

“I try. I’m just scared. We are waiting for something so impossible to happen.”

“Exactly why you should try and face this.”

I wasn’t going to talk about him dying all openly the way he was. So we started talking about the past and all the dumb things that we had done in our childhood. There were so many and some were totally ridiculous. We laughed so hard, I got worried when he covered his chest with his hand. I jumped out of my seat to call for help, but he grabbed me and told me he was fine.

We talked and laughed till he slowly fell asleep. I couldn’t sleep much. I kept waking up and checking if the machines didn’t change or make some strange noise, not that I knew what each machine was supposed to do.

The early morning nurse waltzed in and greeted me. She checked out the machines and frowned a little.

“Is he ok?” I asked trying to read the machine, but it was all gibberish.

She wrote something down on the chart and looked up at me. “His pressure has gone up and his heart rate is a bit accelerated. I’m going to call Dr. Webber to come in immediately. Don’t be alarmed he’s ok.”

She didn’t give me a chance to ask her any other questions, because she shot out of the room and closed the door. I wasn’t sure to believe her. My plan was I wouldn’t leave his side, until mom and dad came, in about an hour.

“Good morning!” Nick cracked a smile.

I couldn’t help but smile back at him. Nick was the only one of us Thompson kids that didn’t have a problem with doctors or hospitals. Probably, because he was the first one to get sick and it would knock him on his little ass. Or because he broke his leg, toe and wrist playing sports or just being a boy. He was used to it.

There were dark circles around his eyes and his lips were almost white. His spirits on the other hand were up and he seemed happy. “Would you do me a favor?” His voice was almost a whisper.

I nodded my head, “Sure. What is it?”

He looked around to see if anyone was coming or listening in on our conversation. “I need a frap. Right now!”

“They wont let you have that, Nick.”

“Just please.”

The machine was making and unknown beeping sound, but Nick seemed fine. “Starbucks is right in front. Just sneak it in.”

I really didn’t want to go. Something seemed really wrong, but his face convinced me. He hadn’t really had anything more than hospital food for the past couple of days.

“Alright!” I grabbed my bag and hesitated at the end of the bed.

Nick gave me his signature smile, that I imagined melted many other girls hearts. “I love you, sis.” He whispered.

I smiled. I hadn’t really heard him say that to me in a while. “I love you, too. I’ll be back.” Slowly I walked past the nurses station and through the hall to the elevator.

He’d been right; Starbucks was right across the hospital. I ordered two caramel fraps and headed back as fast as I could; finding my parents in the process. We were strolling past the first floor nurses station, when I overheard them talking about code blue on the third floor. The fraps fell from my hands and I sprinted through the doors to the stairway. I’m not much of an athlete, but the strength to go up two flights of stairs in a rush without stopping magically appeared. I ran down the hall; trying to catch my breath. My side stinging like hell.

I reached the room, but there were two nurses who held me back from going into the room. Mom and dad were right behind me now. I was still struggling against the nurses to let me in. I watched Nick’s body jump every time the paddles made contact with his chest. “NICK! NICK!”

I heard the doctor say it for the last time and then his eyes met with mine. They were his ‘I’m sorry your family member has died. I did all I could’ eyes. The sob got caught in my throat and the damn nurses finally let me through. There was no more beeping, just a really droning flat line. I felt like the whole building had fallen on me.

“What happened?” Alex’s voice didn’t even phase me at the time.

“I came as fast…” Brian never finished his sentence.

The room was spinning slowly as I turned to look at my family standing at the entrance. My mom was buried in my dad’s chest and my dad just looked sullen. My eyes locked with Alex’s. The spinning got faster and the last thing I remember was the bright light.

You'll remember me when the west wind moves
Among the fields of barley
You can tell the sun in his jealous sky
When we walked in fields of gold
When we walked in fields of gold

Why the hell they’d paid some random woman to come and sing at a funeral was beside me. I had the song still stuck in my head and just the memory of how soulfully she sang it; brought a knot to my throat. I hadn’t been able to cry since I’d seen them wheel him away in the hospital. There was no way I’d cry now, either, today there was a crowd of people taking up space in my mom and dad’s house and it really frustrated me. Where were they all when he was alive? Some of them passed by me and professed their condolences; I just shook my head and remained quiet.

“Are you alright?” Alex stood over me. He looked just as sad as my dad and everyone else in my family. Which in a way was a surprise for me. Sometimes I believe Alex has no feelings.

I looked up at him, “I’m fine.”How do you forget someone when they are constantly there? Reminding you of every great moment you spent together. Reminding you that your feelings for them haven’t disappeared, but instead have intensified.
I wanted Alex to leave me alone; to not be part of my family. Yet, deep down all I wanted was to feel him wrapped around me. The pain in my heart was too intense to think about this, so instead I got up and headed for the door. There was a faint knock and I opened.

A UPS man stood with a lopsided grin on his face. “Delivery for Sophia Thompson?”

“That’s me.” I muttered.

He reached towards the wall and handed over a overly grown package. My stomach tightened and the knot in my throat grew bigger as I stared at the package. The package, I knew was my surf board; the one I was going to take on my trip to surf with Nick.

“California!” The words fluttered out of my mouth.

Just the thought that it wouldn’t happen…ever, made my whole chest hurt. I walked passed the man holding the board and double stepped off the stairs. Kevin was walking towards me in normal clothes, so I knew his shift was over.

His green eyes looked at me alarmed, as I took hold of his arm and pulled him towards his car. I could hear my name being called by everyone, but I didn’t look back. Nor did Kevin.

“What’s going on? Are you alright?”

“I just need you to get me as far from here as possible.”

He was still confused, but opened the door for me and we both hopped into the car and drove off. We weren’t far when the tears started falling.

“Soph…I know you’re not ok.”

“I’m not…” I sniffled, “Nick died alone, he sent me away on purpose. I wasn’t there to make him company when he needed someone and it kills me.”

Kevin placed his hand on my leg and gave it a squeeze. “He didn’t want you to be in more pain. How about we go up to my place and I’ll get you some coffee.” He pulled his car into the driveway and cut the engine.

I was surprised to see the two story beige house, with a red door. “You live here?”

He met me in front of his car and smiled at me, “Yes. Why?”

“I just didn’t picture you in a house.” I swiped at the tears that I felt in the corner of my eyes.

“Come on…I’ll get you some coffee.”

We entered the house and I was taken aback from what I saw. The place was cleaner than my apartment had ever been. The furniture was top of the line and so masculine.

"Make yourself at home and I'll get the coffee started." He walked into the big kitchen and I stayed behind. Touching all the furniture little by little. There were pictures along the walls. I was surprised to see one where there was a blonde woman with a little blonde boy; they were hugging. "Is this...um...your family?"

He stood closely behind me and reached over my shoulder to grab the frame. Carefully he inspected it. "That was my family."

I didn't mean to pry, but Kevin was a bit of a mystery to me. All I knew about him was that he was my partner, he was always on time and he had my back during shoot outs. Oh...and he seemed to have a thing for me. I never imagined that he had a family.

"What do you mean was?"

"They were...um...killed in a car accident. He was only four."

I turned around to catch the pain in his eyes. I'd touched a sore spot and I felt really bad about it. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to..."

"It's ok. He'd be six now." Kevin let out a sigh and rubbed the back of his neck. Then still reached over me to put the frame back. His cheek was almost touching mine, I looked up to catch him looking at me. My hand caressed the side of his face and felt him lean towards me.

His lips brushed against mine and I hungrily kissed him. My hand wrapping around the back of his neck. With no strain he lifted me up and I wrapped my legs around his waist, one of his hands rested on my butt and the other caressed my back. My arms were wrapped around his neck and my lips were glued to his.

My heart was beating full force, my body was overheating and I was trying hard not to think about anything else, but letting Kevin inside of me. We crashed against the wall and my legs touched the ground again. We parted from our kissing and he looked at me for a bit.

“Maybe we shouldn’t do this. I don’t--”

“I want to do this…” I smiled unzipping the side of my dress and letting it fall to the ground. His eyes looked me over and he quickly took off his shirt too. Then took my hand and guided me up the stairs. Under that uniform I never would have imagined that he was so muscular and perfect.

I watched him take a seat on the bed and I slowly closed the door.

I snuck out of Kevin’s bed later on that evening and headed back to my apartment. I stopped by home depot and bought paint and a couple of shelves. Then got home around ten and started to move shit around and paint. The color was a light violet and I made more mess than I had intended too. Around midnight the room was completely painted, along with some of my hair and clothes.

I was exhausted.

I’d promised myself I wouldn’t sit around and mope anymore. But finding that Nick hadn’t emptied all the dressers and had left some shoes and a bag with some of his belongings; sent me into a crying frenzy all over again.

When I opened my eyes my mother was looking down at me and she was shaking her head. “Sophia Thompson what on earth is going on?”

Groggily I sat up and realized I had fallen asleep on the floor. “I need you to take these things out of here.” I started scooping up Nick’s belongings. I dropped the bag and I heard something crack inside. Carefully I stuck my hand in the bag and took out a shattered frame. It hurt like hell when I saw the picture. I even remembered the day it was taken. We were all at camp and somehow had managed to round up everyone and take a picture. It was probably one of the last whole family pictures we’d taken and would ever take.

“Can I keep this one mom?” My mother gave me a warm smile and a big hug. I was probably being selfish, because all I could think about was the pain I was feeling. But her pain had to be much greater.

“So what else are you doing in here?” She asked.

I looked around at the pretty colored room. “I thought I would leave this bed and buy new girlie dressers. I’m ready to take care of Hannah if Angie will allow me too.”

Mom raised a brow and gave me a shrug. We were thankful enough Angie hadn’t checked herself out, but if she stayed she had three more months to go in there. I thought why not make Hannah comfortable while she was with me.

We spent the rest of the day at the store and fixing the room. Mom was all smiles when we looked around. “It’s beautiful…I don’t think that poor kid has had a room like this before.”

There was a knock at the door and we both walked out to see who it was. Mom went to the kitchen and I opened the door. My heart sank when I saw him standing there leaned against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest. His eyes met mine and they held for a bit. He didn’t smile or anything he just kissed Hannah’s forehead.

“See you later kiddo.” Hannah hugged me and then walked into join my mom.

I closed the door behind me. Alex was glaring at me his jaw was clenched and he was in his ‘pissed off’ pose. “Thanks fo--”

“Did you fuck’em?”

What was I supposed to answer to that? Silence, that was way better. Of course, that pissed him off even more. He pushed himself off the wall and got close to me.

“You did…you fucked him. God dammit, Sophia.”

I know it’s stupid, but I felt ashamed. “It’s ok for you to do it, but not me?”

“I don’t want to talk about it. See you around.” Before I could even respond to him; he was gone.

When I entered the house mom and Hannah both turned to look at me. “Uncle Alex looked mad. He was cussing a lot on the phone.”

“Uncle Alex is always mad.”

Hannah giggled. We took her down the hall and asked her to close her eyes. She did. We stood in front of the door and opened it slowly. Then asked her to open her eyes. They widened and then she squealed.

“It’s beautiful. I have a desk for homework and my own dresser. Wait…is this mine?”

“Of course it’s yours.” I smiled and felt the tears sting my eyes.

Where the hell had this motherly instinct come from? Usually I only cared about me. Now here I was taking responsibility for a minor. Her little arms around my legs brought me back to the moment and I hugged her tight.

~~~~~~

Mom made us dinner and then left to tend to my dad. We ate and then did some homework. After homework we finally sat down to watch her favorite cartoon ‘Spongebob’ which I must say is such a moron.

We were both in a fit of giggles when there was a knock at the door. My stomach flipped as I stood up to check through the peephole. Ugh. I stood there for a bit, looking down at my clothes that I had never changed and realizing that my hair was still matted with paint. I cursed. I opened the door.

“Hi.” I greeted with a smile.

Angry green eyes looked up at me. “What happened?”

“Nothing. I sleep in my bed everyday…” Although last night I had slept on the floor.

He stuck his head into my apartment and leaned on the door frame. “Hey Hannah!”

“Hi Kevin.”

“Hannah why don’t you go get ready for bed.”

“Ok…” She waved at Kevin and headed down the hall.

Kevin’s eyes were back on me and instead of looking him in the eyes I looked around my apartment. I noticed the place was a mess. I’m not the cleaning type, sue me.

“So what’s going on?” He questioned.

I turned around and walked towards the kitchen. Kevin closed the door and followed me. I wasn’t sure what the hell I needed from the kitchen, but it was the first place I could think about going to. When I turned around he was right behind me.

Ugh. I had to admit that looking into those beautiful green eyes was breath taking. My lips curled into a smile. “What do you want from me? I’m a mess and I suck at relationships…or the only one I’ve ever been in.”

He sighed deeply. “Did you forget you’re my partner and I know you are a mess. I like it though.”

I ducked under his arms and walked towards the room. I peaked into Hannah’s new room and smiled. She was already fast asleep in her new bed. My body stiffened as I felt the warmth against my backside. This man was not giving up and I’m not sure if I wanted him too.

“Hmm…so this is the reason for the paint. Has the clock started ticking?” He chuckled.

I laughed a little. “Very funny! She’s a good kid. She doesn’t have her mother right now, thought I could try.”

Carefully I closed her door and turned back to face Kevin. “I wanna know what’s on your mind?”

“Shower!” I blurted.

His caterpillar eyebrows rose slightly. “Really?”

“No. I meant me.”

He took my hand and I rolled my eyes. “Oh come on. Don’t tell me you don’t want to.” It didn’t take him much convincing, we made it to the bathroom quickly. He closed the door and locked it; removing his shirt in the process.

His lips engulfed mine for a quick moment. Then he grabbed the hem of my shirt and pulled it over my head and moved on to my pants. I have to admit I was pretty nervous as I stood there only in my intimates. I watched as he reached in and turned on the shower. Kevin didn’t give me much time react to his undressing. He hopped into the shower and I watched as the water fell over his shoulders and down his chest.

“Come on!”

I bit the inside of my cheeks and slowly removed the rest of my things and obediently got into the shower with him. I felt the goose bumps all over my body as the water and the warmth of his body covered me. Water dripped into my mouth as our lips met once again. I gasped feeling the cold tile against my back. His mouth moving slowly down my chin and sucking on my neck.

My hands ran up and down his back and I watched him slowly move further down. I moaned feeling his tongue doing wonders to my… “Oh my God” My mouth fell open and I wasn’t able to say much else.

He came back up with a big grin on his face. My body was pinned against he tiled wall once again; while his hand reached for my leg and wrapped around his waist. My body tensed as I felt him push inside of me.

“I told you…not bad…huh…” He breathed. His heavy breathing turned me on even more.

“Mmmhmm!” That’s all I could say. I was trying to stay quiet, didn’t want to risk Hannah waking up. Before I knew it my body was trembling against his and his teeth were sinking into my neck as I felt him releasing inside of me. Inside of me? Holy crap.

Something happened in-between our pleasure. I began to panic. Unprotected sex with Kevin…two nights in a row.

“Shit.” I muttered, louder than I had intended.

Kevin looked at me, “What?”

“This is the second time we do it…without anything. I mean…what if…and I’m not…” My pleasure was replaced by panic.

“Calm down. Maybe it’s not that bad.”

“Are you crazy?”

Kevin wrapped a towel around his waist and frowned. “If being in love with you means I’m crazy. Then yeah!”

Crap!

The next morning I woke up to a warm body next to me. Apparently, Kevin didn’t have a problem not sleeping in his own bed. His hair was a tussled mess and I hadn’t really noticed last night that he was slowly growing a beard. He shifted and tightened his arm around my waist. I had to admit to that it was nice to wake up next to someone in the morning. That it was nice to know that the person I was sharing intimate moments with wasn’t bailing out on me in the middle of the night.

He groaned, “Why are you staring at me?”

“Cause you are still here?”

His eyes opened slowly and he looked a bit embarrassed. “Oh yeah, I’m sorry. I worked a few extra hours I was tired.” He sat up and threw his long muscular legs over the bed, ready to get up.

“Wait!” I grabbed him by the arm. A really big and tight arm. “I didn’t say I had a problem with it. I was just a bit surprised that is all.”

“What Alex never stayed?”

My stomach somersaulted when I heard the question. He’d said the name so freely and I wasn’t used to it. “Um…you…”

“I might look stupid, Soph, but I’m definitely not. Plus, people always talk about it.”

“Oh.” I felt my cheeks warm up. I could already imagine how red they were. “I didn’t know anyone really knew.”

“The whole world knows. Now…the whole world knows that you left him and that your sleeping with me.” He shrugged and stood up.

God, every part of him was perfect.

I got back to the matter at hand. How the hell did everyone know that Kevin and I had…done anything. “How would they happen to know. You didn’t tell them, did you?”

He was busy buttoning his pants and glaring at me. “Yes, Sophia. I went around telling the whole station what a good lay you are. Christ! You are definitely used to jerks.”

I felt bad.

“You know, if it was up to me…I would make you my official girlfriend. But I wont bother asking, because it’s already obvious that this is going nowhere. I mean you still have feelings for him and it bothers you that I actually stay in your bed.”

I sat up and crawled on my knees to the end of the bed. He was putting his t-shirt back on. I signaled him over with my finger and he rolled his eyes. He still came towards me. I curled my fingers into his shirt and pulled him towards me. My face was leveled with his chest.

Kevin sighed loudly and stuffed his hands into his pant pockets. I raised the hand that had a grip on his shirt to expose his perfectly flat stomach. My mouth brushed against his skin and I felt him flinch.

He took a hold of my hands and pulled down his shirt. “I’m not big on people playing with my emotions.”

“I’m not…” at least I didn’t think I was.

This was all happening so fast. I was confused now. Fuck it, I decided to drop the topic. I got out of bed and quickly changed my clothes. The room was silent as we sat on opposite sides of my bed and pulled on our shoes. There was something I wanted to ask him, but I wasn’t sure if I had the right to anymore.

“Can I ask you a favor? As my partner…if you can.”

“Just spit it out.”

“I need to go see my sister today. I want to make sure that she’s actually doing good with this whole rehab thing, but I’m afraid to go alone.”

“Yeah sure.” That was my big answer and he walked out of my room.

After another argument in the kitchen, two cups of coffee and dropping off Hannah we were pulling into the parking lot of the rehab center. My stomach was in knots. You know, like when you’ve done something really bad and you know you are about to get caught.

We were officially not speaking, but I knew he was there if I needed him. I stood at the entrance and paused for a minute. There was a part of me that believed that Angie wouldn’t have a problem with me taking care of her daughter. Because she knew she had a problem and at the time she was an unfit mother. The other part of me knew Angie damn well and there was no way she would give into me being a guardian. I was the unfit one to her.

“Did you change your mind?” Kevin asked me holding the door open. “It’s ok if you did.”

I shook my head and bit the side of my lip. There was a sudden urge to cry. I was scared. “No. I’m doing this.” We entered the facility and requested a pass to visit Angie.

One of the nurses walked us down the long corridor towards the lobby and there she was my older sister. She looked bored and tired, but healthy. If that makes sense. A nurse spoke to her and she looked up to see Kevin and I standing there.

“I’m gonna wait outside.” Kevin whispered into my ear sending a hot rush through my body. I just nodded.

Angie looked disappointed it was me visiting, but she got up and headed towards me anyway. My heart was beating fast and my hands were sweaty; I thought that only happened to me when I was around Alex, but apparently it was anytime I got nervous.

“Hi.” She stated simply.

I smiled nervously, “Hi. How are you?”

“As good as I can be in here. What brings you around?”

“I just…I wanted to see how you are doing?”

Angie slid her finger under her nose. It was a junkie move, they all did it. I tried not to make it obvious that I knew that. So I fixed my eyes on the window behind her.

“It’s ok. I know you are assessing me right now. It’s your cop thing. But I’m fine, just so you know.”

“I’m not. I was…”

“Let’s cut the crap little sister. No one but mom and dad have visited me. So I know you want something and you don’t have to try with your stuttering self to tell me. Mom told me that you are doing great with Hannah and that you took responsibility for her. I appreciate it. And I’m ok with her staying with you…”

My heart leaped up into my throat with excitement. I couldn’t help the big smile on my face. “I promise to take good care of her.”

“It’s not like her father is going to man up and take responsibility. The bastard.”

I was a bit confused on where that comment had come from and was tempted to question her about the said father, instead I just nodded quietly. “Well, like I said, I’m going to do my best with her.”

There was a blank expression on her face as she nodded. “Don’t get too excited…three months go by really fast and right after I get out of this shit hole I want my daughter back. So don’t go thinking you can get all comfortable and motherly with her. If your clock is ticking so loudly…maybe you should have one of your own.”

I felt like smiling again, only because I know how Angie is. She’s a real bitch most the time. I didn’t want her words to hurt me, but they still did. I was getting too comfortable with Hannah being with me and I in some odd way wanted a baby of my own. Then again, how could I even think about having a baby when I wasn’t even sure which man I wanted to have one with.

She didn’t give me much of a chance to say anything else to her. She turned around and went back to sit down. I thanked the nurse and walked out of the lobby with a smile on my face. My smile widened as I caught a glimpse of Kevin standing against his car, arms crossed over his perfect chest.

“Must’ve gone good.” He smiled.

I smiled back. “Sorta! She was still a raging bitch…but she gave in.”

He slung an arm over my shoulders. “I told you everything would be ok. Now if only everything else could fall into place.”

My eyes rolled and I shrugged his arm off. “Don’t push it officer Richardson.” I smiled and hopped into his car. The more I thought about us as an item, the more I wanted to give into it.

Maybe I still had a chance for my life to be perfect…even if for just a moment.

The weekend was here and I still hadn’t given Kevin a straight answer about what we had going on and on top of that I had volunteered to stay at my parents and watch all the rug rats. My parents had left to Reno on a small getaway. The others were all together on a double date. Alex was floating about somewhere…probably on top of the frisky blonde.

The thought got the best of me and I cursed.

“You said a bad word!” Lily giggled.

“Mom says you shouldn’t say such ugly words, aunt Soph.” I wanted to roll my eyes so bad. Brian and his perfect little family were too much to handle sometimes. I was tempted to teach Bailey how to say one of my choice words; I opted not to.

“Yeah…I know. And you shouldn’t say ugly words like that, until you are an adult and you can say whatever the heck you want. Got it?”

They both nodded, their blonde curls bouncing everywhere. I smiled and ruffled their hair.

“Now go play for a bit while I set the table for dinner.” They scampered off and I got busy taking out plates and setting the table. The pizza arrived, compliments of Howie and we all dug in. I have to admit that after dinner time flew by. We played twister, a couple of card games and then I was ready to send them all to bed. Of course, they had other plans.

“Let’s play hide and seek…can we?” Bailey asked.

DJ and Hannah appeared behind them all smiles and joined in on the begging. “Come on. Uncle Nick used to play all the time when we came to see grandma.”

The name sent an odd pang to my chest. Even the kids seemed to be taking his departure better than me. I felt the tears sting my eyes; remembering when we’d play hide and seek when we were younger. He was a pro at finding people which would piss me off and I’d end up punching him in the gut. Luckily he would laugh it off and I’d end up chasing him all the way home.

I laughed.

“Alright! I will seek…you guys hide.”

I was about to cover my eyes when I saw a flash of light outside the kitchen window. Quickly I walked over to the kitchen and took a peek through the window, but there was no one there, just my car.

“Is everything ok, aunt Soph?” DJ asked trying to take a peek too.

“Yes! Everything is fine.” I turned to around and told them to go off and hide and I would count. “1…2…3…”

I heard them all scamper off throughout my parent’s house. I gave them a few minutes and then I looked around the living room. “Ready or not here I come.”

We must’ve played for about an hour, giving each of them a turn to be the seeker. Then I announced bedtime and with groans and moans they all headed to the guest rooms. DJ and Bailey got the room with the two kids beds and the girls got what used to be my king sized bed. I stayed in the living room with Heidi. She was nestled quietly in her basinet and I snuggled up in my blanket and closed my eyes. Kids are tiring.

There was a heavy feeling on my face and I was having difficulty breathing. When my eyes opened I was startled to find a man staring straight at me. His hand was keeping me from screaming. He yanked me off the sofa and onto my feet, while one of his arms held me tightly against him. I tried to fight him off, but he just stumbled back and knocked over the basinet.

I screamed against his hand remembering that I’d placed Heidi in the basinet. I heard a menacing chuckle and into my blurry vision appeared a tall, bearded man. “Hi there, looking for this?” He held the baby in his arms, as if he was harmless.

He motioned the man to let me talk. “Who the fuck are you? What do you want?” So, maybe I should have been a bit more welcoming.

“This is no way to treat guests, Sophia!” He laughed. “I am just here for one thing and I will leave.”

Someone was in the hallway waking up the kids. I struggled against the man again, but he just held onto me tighter, making it hard to breath. “Don’t hurt them.”

He picked up the basinet and placed the baby back in it. Then he walked over to me and punched me in the stomach. I felt all the air leave my body. I choked trying to gasp for air.

“Where the fuck is Hannah?” He placed his fingers on my cheeks and squeezed.

In all seriousness if she wasn’t in the bed, I had the slightest idea. Maybe they had heard them and were hiding. “I don’t know what you are talking about.” I glared up at him.

“Ok!” He turned around and let me have a fist to the face. My vision blurred and pain seared through the right side of my face. “We can do this the hard way or the easy way!”

I gained my vision back and spit at the man in front of me. “Fuck you!”

That response only got me another blow to the face, this time I heard my nose crack. The blood trickled down into my mouth. I swiped at it and squirmed to get away.

“Let go of me!” I heard the familiar voice and fought against the man again. DJ was being pushed down the hall by a short stubby man. Our eyes met and he tried rushing over to me. The tall man stopped him and grabbed him by the throat.

“What if I stop beating you and start beating him…will you tell me?” He snarled.

DJ’s eyes were wide and his small hands were trying to fight off the big man’s hands. His feet were kicking just an inch or two off the ground. What the hell was I supposed to do? Give up one child to save the other?

“I don’t know where she is. If she’s not in the room…I don’t know. Let him go! You are going to kill him!”

He did as I asked and let DJ go. The kid fell to the ground gasping for air. Lily and Bailey were next coming down the hall, they were both holding hands and tried running towards me. They were stopped and pushed to join DJ on the ground.

“We can always burn the place down. Is that what you want? Are you really going to sacrifice all these kids, for one little pest?”

The kids were all crying by now and I was feeling hopeless. I wondered where Hannah was. I wanted to see her face, just to know that she was safe, but on the other hand I wanted her to stay wherever she was hiding.

“Fuck this I’m tired of playing games. You tell that little bitch to come out or we are going to beat her aunt to death and when we are done with her…it will be your turn.” He pointed at the kids.

“Aunt Soph!” DJ cried out.

The man picked me up and carried me outside where he slammed me against the black Mercedes repeatedly. My head had never felt like it would explode before. I managed to kick him right in the balls and made an effort to run towards the house, as I left him rolling on the floor.

As I got to the door I heard Hannah screaming at the top of her lungs and then I crashed into the tall man. He glared at me. “You are one pain in the ass.” I heard him say and then saw black.

When I opened my eyes I was surprised to see Alex’s brown eyes looking down at me. He was sitting on the side of my bed and he was holding my hand. I smiled and felt the familiar pang in the pit of my stomach. Then the memories of the night before startled me and I sat up. Pain seared through my body and my head.

I groaned. “Where is Hannah? Did they take her? Is she hurt?”

Alex nodded his head and put his hands on my shoulders and pushed me back down on the bed. “Don’t worry she’s with Brian in his office. Frank and I got there right on time.”

“What did they want with her?”

He cleared his throat. “They really didn’t give us a chance to ask questions.”

That sent me into a panic, because I was more than sure they weren’t the ones in charge. There was someone powerful out there that was after my family now and it was killing me because I had no idea who it was or why.

“No. Alex, they are bad people. They will try it again. You idiot!” I smacked him.

"You know I wont let anyone hurt you, Sophia!" 

I glared at him for being such a macho guy. Why couldn’t he ever be a normal cop and arrest people instead of putting bullets in them? Instantly my anger was gone when I saw Kevin leaned against the door frame, his arms crossed over his chest just watching me.

“Kevin…” I smiled and he walked towards me.

Alex got up and snatched his jacket off the chair and stormed out of my room. My heart skipped a beat. I realized I had pushed Alex’s buttons.

“Sorry. I just wanted to make sure you’re ok.” He took my hand in his and placed a kiss on the top of my head. It was so weird how Alex made me so uncomfortable lately and when Kevin was around all seemed peaceful.

“He’s just having a moment. Plus, he has a lot to worry about now.”

Kevin stepped closer to me and took a seat on the edge of the bed. “I was so worried about you.” He carefully traced the purple markings on my face.

“Well, I’m fine. I’m a tough girl and it wouldn’t have been so bad if I wouldn’t have been caught off guard. I’m ok.”

He shook his head trying to give me reassurance that he believed I was that tough, but lately everyone saw me as this fragile doll that could easily break. The nurse came in carrying a clipboard with a friendly smile on her face; she seemed really young to be in the profession she was in.

“Alright Ms Thompson you are free to go. Just sign here, please.”

She handed over the clipboard and pointed at the highlighted area. She had made it pretty idiot proof. I signed quickly and thanked her. Kevin looked for my clothes and I got dressed quickly, unaffected by his presence in the room. He’d seen it all...in the shower.

We walked down the hall slowly towards Brian’s office. Kevin said he’d wait for me downstairs in the lobby and kissed me quickly. I knocked and then entered the room, where Brian was in a trance staring at Hannah.

“Uh…she’s not going anywhere. I think she’s the safest she can be in this room.” I smiled at him.

He sighed and grumbled. “I highly doubt that.”

I took a seat too quick and grunted as I felt my ribcage throb. “Why would you say that?"

Instead of answering he scolded me. “Jesus! Have I ever told you, you picked the wrong profession? I mean, you could have been a model, dancer, nurse, horse jockey…but no, you go and choose to be a cop!”

“What does that mean?” I was offended.

Brian ran a hand over my head and sighed once again. “It means I don’t think you are cut out to handle everything that comes with being in law enforcement. Look at your face Soph, it’s all messed up. Those men could have killed you guys.”

“I’m suspended. I don’t have my gun.” That was my argument. It sucked.

“You have bad aim, anyways!”

That made me rol my eyes, I knew he was right. I just wasn't going to admit it.  Hannah was fast asleep on Brian’s couch. I’m not sure what he had a couch in the room for, but he said it was for sleeping. I imagined it was for when Leighanne sneaked in on her breaks.

“I’m afraid they will come back for her. I just don’t get what they want with her?” I was trying to get some answers.

Brian shook his head and watched Hannah again. He let out a heavy sigh and started to fiddle with his fingers. There was a hint of anxiousness in his movements and it seemed like he wanted to say something.

“Maybe, it’s her dad and he has finally decided to take responsibility. No…that’s dumb. He could be a bad guy and now he wants Hannah just to use her. Fucking bastard.” I continued my rant.

“Sophia. Her dad is not a bastard and he’s not part of any mafias, gangs or bad stuff. He’s a decent man who made a mistake and never stepped up to his responsibilities.”

He spoke so kindly of a man that I thought the lowest of. “This man you are talking about is a huge douche bag who left Angie all alone to raise a baby. I have no respect for him and will not let him take Hannah. Anyways, how do you know him?”

Brian cleared his throat and took a deep breath. “I just do. So, I was thinking that for Hannah’s safety she should come and stay with me and Leighanne. You know how she is with kids and she would be more than happy to help out.”

I was dumbfounded and my heart leaped into my throat when I heard him say it. A part of me knew that the idea was a great one. She couldn’t be any safer…well…unless she stayed with Alex, but then there would be other dangers for her.  

“I just fixed that extra room in my apartment. Plus, we have a good time and I love having her around.”

“I know, I’m just…I think it would be best.”

“No. I’m sorry Brian, but I don’t agree with you on this one. I would appreciate if everyone would stop being so overprotective of me and just let me be.”

Brian opened his mouth and then hesitated. I was so angry at him for trying to take Hannah now that I was so attached to her, that I shouted at him to just come out and tell me whatever the hell it was on the tip of his tongue.

I watched as he sat on the corner of his desk and fiddled with his fingers. His gaze moving back and forth from Hannah to me and back. “It’s just that…I don’t think I should say anything. It’s been so long. Just let me do what I think is best for Hannah. Don’t put up a fight Sophia…”

“Ugh…I hate how you think you’re so righteous and everything about you is perfect.”

“That’s bull crap!” He snapped. “I’m not perfect!”

“I don’t see what gives you the fucking right to do this?”

I could tell I had pushed Brian’s buttons. He was looking as pissed as I’d ever seen him. “She’s my daughter. I have the right. You know that douche bag and asshole that you and mom are always going on about…that’s me.”

It felt like someone had stabbed me in the stomach. I even laughed a little, because it all sounded so fucking hilarious. How in the hell had we missed that? Why hadn’t Angie ever said anything about it? I felt like laughing again and crying at the same time. So many times had he seen Angie and Hannah in bad shape? Yet, he’d turned his back and ignored it all. I’d asked him to take care of her and he’d declined telling me to my face that she was not his daughter.

By now I was standing and my breathing was elevated. I felt livid. As if I could have killed him right in that moment. I pursed my lips to keep from crying and then I let him have a slap to the face. He deserved it.

Brian didn’t say a word and just held his hand up to his cheek. “You are fucking selfish. That little girl has suffered so much in the past two years and you’ve seen it and never did a damn thing about it. She was SOLD for drugs…” I smacked him on the arm. “SOLD!”

“I…I’m sorry. I wasn't ready for anyone to know. School was my top priority and hers was being crazy and sleeping around. She said she didn't even know whose it could be and that she was going to have an abortion. I just found out too Sophia..."

"How long ago?"

"A few months ago."

A few months was a long time to me. Angrily I shook Hannah awake. She looked up at me disoriented and frightened when she saw me crying. "Aunt Soph...You ok?" It made me even sadder to see the resemblance that we had either ignored or never noticed.

I sniffled back the tears and helped her to her feet. "Come on Hannah. We are going home."

"Sophia! Just wait...we need to talk about this."

We rushed out of the office ignoring Brian and towards the elevator. We both got in. I pressed the lobby button and the doors slowly closed. There was no Brian right behind us.

I wasn't sure why I was so upset about the news. I knew Angie was out of control back then. That Brian was trying to make something out of himself. I guess, it was that they both were taking Hannah for granted. Angie was using her little girl for her bad habits and Brian was ignoring the fact that she was his daughter.

Hannah's little warm hand found mine. "Aunt Soph...Why did Uncle Brian say I'm his daughter?"

I let out a small cry. The doors opened. Alex looked up at us concerned.

That night I had the task of giving my little niece a bullshit explanation of how the man that she believed was her uncle all these years, was really her father. I’m not sure if I did a good job, but she took in my response with a smile. After tucking in Hannah that night, I cried for a good two hours. I made a mental note that I would call my mother to get a better explanation for Hannah, even if Brian wanted to keep it a secret.

I was so mad at the twosome. I just couldn’t get over the fact that Angie had never told anybody. That she had kept it from Brian for so long and probably now that she was in trouble she felt compelled to tell him the truth.

Then I started to think that maybe I had overreacted with poor Brian. No...He was just as guilty. I couldn’t shake off the fact that he hadn’t bothered to help me out when I asked him to. He had made a comment about her not being his daughter and that’s why he couldn’t help me. He knew about her by then, which only means he was trying to avoid his responsibilities.

I sighed heavily; it was terrible to know my family was slowly falling apart.

My sobbing moment was interrupted by someone knocking on the door. My eyes darted to the clock that read midnight and then to my end table where I had a gun, I never used. Shit, it probably didn’t even have bullets.

Slowly I walked over to the door and peaked through the hole. “Open the door Soph.”

The sound of Alex’s voice brought me comfort. At least I knew it wasn’t another one of those crazy suited men coming to get Hannah or me. I was still cautious as I opened the door.

I’m not going to lie; my heart fluttered as I looked out into the hall and saw Alex standing there in a fitted white shirt, low hung jeans and his badge around his neck. It gave me that familiar feeling I got when we were together.

“The old man sent me to see if you were ok? Howie has the night shift so he couldn’t come.”

Alex had always been the serious looking guy. He hardly ever laughed or smiled, unless it was with the kids or me. But lately he just seemed so dead, like nothing mattered to him anymore.

“I’m ok. I look like an unprofessional boxer, but I’m ok. Are you ok?” I had to ask.

“You know how much grief Brian always gave me about being with you?”

I sighed, imagining Brian with his righteous lectures. Most of the time he just did it out of the goodness of his heart, but sometimes he just seemed to act like he was above us all; yet he had his own dirty secret.

“Come in.” I motioned him to come in and went directly to the coffee machine. It was out of habit. I fiddled with the machine and turned to talk to him. Never had I really paid attention to how small my kitchen was; it took having my personal space being invaded by Alex and his sexiness to realize that.

“Then again, we need to cut the guy some slack. We’ve all got our secrets and we’ve all made mistakes. Angie is just as guilty about all this. How is Hannah?”

I was busy watching his mouth move that I hadn’t heard a damn thing he’d said. “Wha..?” I asked in a daze.

He grinned and licked his lips. “I asked about Hannah.”

“Oh. She’s fine.” Nervously I spun back around to face my cupboards. I didn’t want to focus on that look Alex gave me. I wasn’t Kevin’s girlfriend, but in our own way we were together. I couldn’t let Alex and his charm tempt me. I sucked in a breath as I felt his arms wrap around my waist and the warmth of his body touch my backside.

“I miss you.” He breathed into my ear.

I was tempted to let him know that I did too. I just stood there taking in the moment, unsure of what to do. “Alex...you need to go...” In my head I said it with power, but it came out more like a mousey whisper.

“You really want me to go?” I felt his tongue slither along my neck and it gave me chills.

There was no way I could fall for this. I spun around to give him a piece of my mind, but got distracted with how close he was to me and the power of his hazel eyes. His hand had found its way up my nightgown.

Memo to self: never wear anything with easy access again.

“Alex...” I managed to breathe out before I did the unthinkable. I grabbed hold of his shirt and pulled him towards me, making our mouths crash into each other. His hands moved to my thighs and my arms wrapped around his neck. I felt the room get hot as our kiss deepened.

We blindly crashed into everything in our path till we made it to my room. Kevin was in the back of my mind, but my desire for Alex was much greater than my guilt. Alex slid between my legs and continued to kiss me while his hands worked on tugging off my clothes.

I helped him remove his shirt and moved on to his belt and was delighted to see my bad boy in all his glory. Just as Alex pushed himself into me, my phone began to sing, but I drowned out the sounds with my moans. I didn’t want to think about who it could be at that moment.

The next morning when I woke up, there was no Alex in my bed. Part of me was relieved and the other was pretty hurt. I’d only been good for the romp. I started to curse myself for being so dumb and falling for his...wait...he hadn’t said much. Ok, I’d fallen for his bedroom eyes.

The door slowly opened and Hannah peeked into the room. I got up and was thankful for my habit of getting dressed the night before. I met her at the door and stopped to wash my face.

“Aunt Soph. Can we do something today?”

I dried my face and smiled back at her. “Of course, did you have something in mind?”

“I want to see my mommy.” The look on her face let me know exactly what the visit was going to be about. I don’t think Hannah really missed her mother. She just wanted answers.

“Sure. Let’s get dressed, stop by for breakfast and see your mom.” We scurried off to get dressed.

After breakfast at McDonalds we pulled into a parking space and hopped out of the car. I wasn’t sure how my sister was going to react to her six year old daughter questioning her, but I was determined not to interfere.

We signed in and were led down the hallway to Angie’s room. She was sitting on the corner of the bed with a smile on her face. It widened as she saw Angie appear through the door.

“Hannah!” She yelped and stretched out her arms.

Hannah looked up at me and I motioned her that it was ok for her to go. Something that I know Angie didn’t like much. Hannah made way towards her mother’s outstretched arms and gave her a big hug. They held on tight to each other for a while. No matter the habits or her way of living, I knew that deep down my sister loved her daughter. She was just sick.

When they parted she looked up at me. “So, what brings you around here?”

I sighed knowing that I would have to start the conversation first. Where was I supposed to start? “Uh...something happened this weekend and Hannah wants to talk to you about it.”

Angie ran her fingers through Hannah’s blonde hair and caressed her face. “What’s wrong baby?” She asked Hannah.

“Uncle Brian says he’s my daddy! You said I don’t have a daddy.” I bit down on my lip to try and stop the tears from flooding my eyes. My niece was too damn little to be talking about shit like this. Her little voice was barely above a squeak. Angie glared up at me and stood up pushing Hannah out of the way.

I stood up straight knowing my sister was coming over to fight me now, thinking I had something to do with the new revelation.

“What the hell is she talking about? What ideas are you putting in my daughter’s head? No one knows about that...”

“You can’t blame me. I have nothing to do with this...I’m just as surprised.”

“How did she find out?”

“Brian told me about it last night when we were fighting over Hannah’s custody. She overheard. He wants to take her with him.”

I’d forgotten about Hannah being in the room. “No Aunt Soph, you can’t let him take me.” She ran up to me and held on to my leg.

“I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to explain anything...I’m not a real mother. I’m just...trying to help you.” I exclaimed. I bent down to wrap my arms around my fragile little niece.  “I’m not letting anyone take you from me, Hannah. You got that.”

“I need you guys to leave. I don’t want to deal with this right now.” Angie pointed towards the door.

I stood up and furrowed my brows at her in anger and uncertainty. How could she decide to shut this out like it didn’t matter?

“Angie you have to face this. You can’t let her go without giving her an explanation that she understands.”

“Go away!”

“Fine. At least help me figure out who is trying to hurt Hannah. Do you know who it might be?” I saw Angie’s look darken. She stayed quiet. “How do they know about her? Angie I need to know.” 

She smiled. “They are the ones that did that to your face? I owe money...they think that by taking my little girl they will get it.” She shrugged like it was no big deal. “It wouldn’t make a difference...I don’t have the money. Now get the hell out of here and don’t bring her here again.”

“You’re a bitch!” I muttered taking Hannah by the hand we stormed out of the facility.

My heart leaped into my throat when I saw the familiar figure in uniform standing by my car. I smiled up at him, trying to keep my cool and not seem so nervous. I opened the door for Hannah and buckled her up in her seat and went around the car to face Kevin.

“Hi. Are you alright?” He leaned in to kiss me, but I moved out of the way. He frowned. It didn’t feel right to kiss him after what I’d done last night.

“I’m fine. Just a bit stressed out. How did you know I was here?”

“Intuition. I called you last night.”

The whole episode with Alex flashed before my eyes. “Yeah, I was upset and I must’ve been asleep.”

He cleared his throat and moved out of my way. I opened the door and looked up at him. I could tell his green eyes were trying to read my awkwardness. Was it really fair to just come out and tell him about last night? I mean, Alex was gone this morning. Maybe it didn’t mean a damn thing. It might not change the fact that I cheated. If I can call it that...

“I’m sorry.” I said reaching up to kiss him.

He smiled wide and gave me a big hug. “What could you possibly be sorry about?”

Later that evening there was a knock at my door which made me cringe. I stood up and looked through the peephole and rolled my eyes when I saw my brother standing there.

"Open the door Soph...I can see your eyeball." Brian said cocking his head to the side.

I sighed heavily knowing there was no way I would leave him out there. Slowly I unlocked the door and opened it. He quickly gave me a cheesy smile. I rolled my eyes and gestured him to come in.

Brian quickly scanned the place. "It hasn't changed since that one time a year ago that you came."

"Don't start giving me the guilt trip alright. I came because I think it's important that we talk."

I sighed heavily again, knowing that this conversation was going to be about Hannah. "I'm not changing my mind about giving you Hannah. She's happy here with me." my voice cracked a little.

"I know. I get that." He pursed his lips. "I shouldn't have told you that way."

"Yeah, well what's done is done. I just don't understand how you could stand by and see her suffer and not do a thing."

"Soph, I have to explain to my
Wife and DJ that I made a baby with a girl that's considered my sister." Brian took a seat and put his hands over his face.

"That's the worst part...you always gave Alex and I so much grief about our relationship and you were doing the same." 

"I messed up. I'm sorry. I swear it was just recent that I found out. I know I messed up for not taking responsibility for her when you asked me. I panicked the day you told me, thinking you already knew."

I could see the distress in my brothers voice and all over his face. "I'm sorry for being such a bitch. I was so upset." I took a seat next to him and placed a hand on his knee. "I say you work on telling your family first and then depending on how they take it...we work out what's going to happen with the whole custody." I gave him a shoulder nudge.

"You haven't lost your counseling touch." Brian smiled then chuckled."

"I should start charging." I giggled.

The laughter subsided and silence filled my living room. Brian cleared his throat. I loved him so much that I felt really guilty at that moment for all the awful things I had said. 

"You're  not a horrible person and I know that you wouldn't have abandoned Angie if she would have been honest." 

Brian rubbed his hands together and let out a deep sigh. I knew he was distraught, that all this was very stressful. "No, I wouldn't have. No matter how ashamed I was for doing what I did with her."

"Is that why you got all church boy on us and spent most your time helping Father Gary?"

He shook his head in response. 

"I'm so sorry you got involved with Angie."

"I'm not. I'm just sorry I got involved when she was already dead inside. She always said she wasn't good enough for me, that I was wasting my time. I realized it after I found her with that stupid biker that dad used to lock up every other weekend for indecent exposure at the bar."

That made us both laugh again. I remembered that gross man too damn well. He loved to get drunk and flash what he didn't have to all the women at the bar. Then dad would get called up to take him to the station. 

"So what now?" I was afraid to ask, but I needed to know. 

"I still need to explain everything to Leighanne, so for now we stay the same way. We will figure something out soon." 

He stood up and headed for the door. 

"Want something to drink? Coffee? Water?"

"No thanks Sis. I gotta get going back to work, a doctors job is never done. Thank you for hearing me out!" He took me by surprise when he pulled me in for a hug. I wrapped my arms around him and gave him a squeeze. 

Just as we parted there was a knock at the door. "Busy girl." He said opening the door.

My stomach coiled as I saw who was at the door. 

"Hi officer Richardson." Brian greeted and then looked at me with a grin. 

"Hello" Kevin replied. His green eyes on me the whole time. I noticed he had a big yellow envelope in one hand as he stood there still I'm uniform.

"Alright Soph, I'm out of here. Mom said to pick up Hannah tomorrow afternoon." He kissed my cheek quickly, gave Kevin a wave and rushed down the hall.

I bit at my lip now that I was face to face with Kevin...alone. There was a moment of awkward silence as we looked at each other.

"You gonna leave me out here or invite me in?" 

"Oh I'm so sorry. Please come in. Would you like some coffee?"

Kevin entered and went directly to the kitchen where he placed the envelope on the counter. "I've gotta be going soon. Still on duty tonight. I just wanted to show you something."

Being around Kevin really confused me. Although i believed that I was  was still in love with Alex. Kevin tugged at my heart strings. He made me feel wanted and I really enjoyed him around me. I felt secure.

"Ok. Is everything ok?" 

He didn't say a word and busied himself with opening the envelope. "I found this in the chiefs office today. It's a black book with all the names of...what I believe are the dirty cops that the chief covers for. He gets a lot of money for every case he makes disappear...all kinds of things are going on in our station, Sophia."

"What?!?" I snatched the book from him and Skimmed through it. He wasn't lying there were officer names on each page. Dollar amounts. Codes that I knew. My eyes went wide as I stared at the familiar name in the book. "I always knew it...there just wasn't anything that proved it."

"I'm sorry. I should have warned you. Frank is in there too."

"We need to tell my dad he'll know how to help us." I state picking up the phone.

"No!" Kevin snatched the phone out of my hand. "No one else can know about this right now. Please promise me you won't tell anyone!"

Kevin having these documents only meant trouble to me. "You shouldn't get involved just go and put it back. This only puts you in danger Kevin."

He smirked. "Are you worried about me or Alex?"

The question took me by surprise and I looked at him a little puzzled. I wondered if he knew something. "Both of you." I was sincere.

"I need you to hold it for me and I will come back for it in a few days."

"A few days?"

"I got a special assignment. I'll see you soon." He leaned in to kiss me, but I turned my face, just as his lips grazed my cheek. "Right. See you."

He turned around and headed for the door; leaving the black book on my kitchen counter. I opened my mouth to call him back. 

Nothing came out.

I had just dropped off Hannah at my parents, of course not without getting a lecture from my dad. He could’t understand why I was being so distant with them and missing Friday night dinner. Not to mention why the heck was I not in a steady relationship with officer Richardson. 

I groaned a few times and just nodded my head. It was the same thing i had done through my teen years. 

The truth was I didn’t even know why I couldn’t give into being in a steady relationship with Kevin. He showed interest in me and he wasn’t embarassed to tell me he loved me. Not to mention he was tall, dark and handsome. What else could I want?

I sighed heavily checking out my gun and checking on the list to see who my partner for the night was. It kind of sucked to have a different partner everyday. Was that really considered a partner?

I smiled a little when I saw who would be riding with me for the night. It couldn’t be so bad to ride with my older brother. Howie poked my ribs when I saw him in the kitchen fixing himself a batch of toxic coffee. Black, no sugar.

"Wow! I get to ride with my sister."

"I didn't know that was allowed."

He shrugged taking a sip of coffee. "Me either, but you know the captain let's a lot of things slide."

His comment made my guts twist. I remembered the little black book Kevin had dropped off and was now hidden under my mattress. 

"Earth to Sophia!!!" Howie waved a hand in my face.

"Oh, sorry I was just thinking bout..."

"Kevin!" he snickered making his way out of the station. 

We were interrupted by Frank and Alex coming into the station. They were loud as always. They both stopped talking as we bumped into each other.

"What's up D!" Frank greeted Howie not even bothering to stop to talk to us. He walked past us wiggling his eyebrows at me.

"Hey D. How's it going?" Alex stopped in front of us.

"Good. I got me a new partner for the night." he motioned towards me. 

Alex finally noticed me and I couldn't help myself from blushing. "Hey Soph. I meant to call." 

"That's my queue to get to my cruiser. I'll be waiting. Hurry up!" Howie walked out the station leaving me standing in the doorway with Alex in awkward silence.

Suddenly he took my hand and dragged me to the bathroom. He locked the door and paced with his hands on his hips. I was too shocked to say anything.

"I fucked up!" he muttered stopping in front of me. "What I did was selfish and I'm an asshole for doing it."

My eyebrows scrunched in confusion. "Excuse me? You mean you fucked up by doing me?"

"No. That's always good. It's just that I've realized that you need someone better...and Kevin is a good guy. A bit of a jerk, but I can tell that he loves you and he makes you happy."

"You used to make me happy."

He ran a hand over his face and let out a heavy sigh. Starting to pace again. "Sophia...what I'm about to say is really difficult for me." 

His pacing was making me dizzy and it felt really stuffy in the bathroom all of a sudden. "Just say whatever it is. I'm a big girl." I really didn't want to hear what he had to say. It was something I wasn't going to like.

"I've loved you for so long, but there has always been one thing or another keeping us apart or making us clash. I've realized that I'm not the man for you. You need a good guy...that's why I'm going to stop interfering between you and Kevin."

I didn't say anything. My heart was racing and I felt the tears sting my eyes. 

"Um...also...I'm engaged to Lori." he looked up at me through his long lashes. 

The bile rose to my throat. I rushed into the stall and bent over the toilet letting out everything in my stomach...I could swear I saw my heart floating in there too. There was nothing but silence in the bathroom when I walked out of the  stall to wash my face. I dried my hands then looked up at him trying to stay cool. 

"That's good for you. I'm glad you found the right woman." I forced a smile and unlocked the door.

"Soph!" he tried to grab my arm. I pulled away and exited the bathroom. It took all my strength not to fall apart and cry in the middle of the station. A part of me couldn't understand why I was so upset. We were practically over already. 

I walked to the cruiser and hopped in. Howie looked at me and made an attempt to say something, but took a sip of his coffee instead. 

That night after my shift which  felt never ending. I felt exhausted although the most exercise I had done was to get out and throw up again, then walk to the donut shop and stuff my face. Which was starting to make me worry. What was wrong with me?

After I tucked Hannah in bed, read her a book and took a well-needed warm shower. I threw on one of Kevin's forgotten shirts and laid in bed. It had been well past the five minutes the box had instructed, but I couldn't find the courage to get up and go look. 

I found myself wishing Kevin was here to comfort me; to make me feel better. I wondered what he was doing. There had been no calls, texts or emails from him all day. Which made me miss him even more. Maybe Alex was right... 

I thought about calling him just to hear his voice. Then I thought about how I had been acting lately. What I had done with Alex. If I wanted to have a relationship with him; I'd have to come clean and tell him about my encounter with the big bad wolf. 

I cringed with just the thought of telling him. 

After thinking long and hard I'd finally mustard the courage and energy to get out of bed and go back into the bathroom. There it laid on the counter; a little white stick, whose results could change my whole life. My feet dragged as I made way into the bathroom. I picked up the stick and sat on the edge of the tub with my eyes closed for a good minute. With a deep breath I slowly willed myself to open my eyes. I gasped.

PREGNANT

Brian had said that he was fine with taking Hannah, but that there was an announcement he had to make before making that decision on Friday. The curiosity was killing me!

I angled my car in front of the liquor store. Usually there was always a cruiser hanging out in the front, but today they'd left the illegal parking opened for me. I still had an hour before my shift started, baby and I were craving hot Cheetos. 

I strolled in thinking today would be a really good day. "Hi Ming!" I greeted the young Chinese girl behind the counter as I made way to the chips. There were two little kids giggling in the candy area. They both instantly stopped when I flashed them a serious look. 

Smirking I busied myself shuffling through bags of chips to find my Cheetos. The bell announcing a new customer rang and right after I heard Ming let out a scream. I shot my head up and cursed when I saw two young guys with part of their faces covered by handkerchiefs standing in front of the register with guns trained on Ming. 

Her eyes shot towards me and one of the guys turned and shot at me. The bullet hit a can of soda behind me and sticky fluid spurted all over the place. 

"Open the register bitch!" the other one shouted waving his gun at the frightened girl. 

I slowly put my hands up and started to come out of the aisle. "I know you don't want to hurt anyone..."

"You don't know shit! Just shut up!" he snarled. My heart was racing and although I'd been trained for this, I wasn't sure how to convince them to put down their guns. 

Out of the corner of my eyes I saw Ming frantically opening the register and the two little kids trying to sneak their way out of the store. I hadn't meant to call attention to them, but I had.

The guy stopped pointing at me and pointed at the two kids who stopped dead in their tracks. "Where you two little shits going?"

My heart literally stopped as I watched the guy put the gun to the little boys head. The boy flinched and the guy laughed; rejoicing in his malevolence.

I felt my heart start to beat again when I saw the lights flashing outside. We were saved. 

"Fuck, the cops!" one said snatching the money from Ming's hand and heading for the door. 

In the process the other guy grabbed the kid and held him in a headlock. "Let the kid go! You can take me..." I pleaded.

At this point the little boy was crying. He didn't hesitate with one quick move he shoved the kid out of the way and grabbed me.

My peanut, was all I could think about. She was probably not even the size of a peanut, but a lima bean. My thoughts were broken when I felt the cold steel of the barrel digging into my temple. 

"Everyone back off or I'll shoot her." He shouted standing in the doorway. It felt like we stood there forever. I noticed a few more cruisers pull up and I saw Frank, but no Alex. By now all guns were drawn. I wanted them to shoot, just not me!

The air was constricted as the guy held me tight by the neck. Everything  was starting to spin; I was in panic mode. 

"Let her go or I'll splatter your brains all over the fuckin place!" I recognized the voice right away and felt relieved.

Instantly the guy let me go and they both dropped their weapons and put their hands up. I leaned against the door trying to compose myself. Once again another thing to be remembered by; as if the naked guy incident wasn't enough.

Alex grabbed the guy and shoved him against the glass and patted him down. He slapped the cuffs on his wrist tightly. Frank walked up and took him by the collar. 

Alex stood in front of me gawking at me. "You ok?"

"I'm fine." the hell I was fine. My legs were shaking and I felt like I might pass out. 

"Can you tell me how you get yourself into these predicaments?"

I shrugged. "I don't know...but I've never been so happy to see you and Frank!" a knot grew in my throat as I said it.

He grinned. Then stretched out his hand to help me. I couldn't help myself I was emotional. I bypassed his hand and wrapped my arms around his neck, holding on for dear life. 

His hands wrapped around my waist and he nuzzled his face in the crook of my neck. "I'm never going to let anyone hurt you." he whispered.

Which sent a chill down my spine. I wondered how the hell he knew where I was. I didn't bother asking. 

"Sophia are you alright?" Kevin's voice made my head shoot up. His look was dark and jealous as he stood in uniform in the doorway. "I came as fast as I could." 

Although I was happily drowning in Alex's familiar manly smell and felt perfectly comfortable with his arms wrapped around me. I gently pushed him away and rushed towards Kevin.

After an hour of convincing the chief that I was perfectly fine to go back to work. I was in uniform and on my shift.

Later that evening I had the sorrowful task of explaining to Hannah what might happen. At first she was reluctant about the idea, but as we imagined the worse for her, she came to terms. We cried for a bit till we heard Kevin coming into the apartment.

Hannah greeted him and headed to her room to pick up her things. He took a seat next to me on the sofa. "Is everything alright?" he asked.

I was tempted to tell him about peanut. A few days had gone by since he had come back and I didn't have the nerve to tell him about the baby. Maybe it was the whole busted face look he was sporting.  He had a black eye and a busted lip. The eye he covered up with his terminator glasses, but the lip was pretty visible. Or the fact that i was starting to doubt the baby was his, it too could have been my run in with thugs earlier that day; whatever it was i couldn't  bring myself to say anything. 

"Besides still feeling shaky about earlier, I'm worried about Hannah. I don't want to send her with Brian but only he can really protect her. I can't. I would have to give her right back to her mother." I tried to take deep breaths to bring down the knot in my throat. Damn hormones had me all emotional.

"You've done all you can for her. Angie unfortunately still has the right to take her daughter from you. I don't think it's that easy for her to mess with Brian. He's her dad. He has rights, she's a junkie, it works to his favor!"

He put his hand on my knee. "It's gonna be fine Sophia!" I just nodded my head not really believing him. "I'm here for you."

Hannah came back with her things. We both stood up knowing it was that time. Kevin gave us both a sympathetic smile and pulled us in for a hug. Which only made me realize...my life was in the shits. It made no sense. 

Nothing made sense.

For the first time in years I dreaded coming to my parents house. All the cars were there. Which only meant that the house was crowded and Alex was there with his fiancé.

"Aunt Soph are you just going to stand there?" Hannah took my hand and then Kevin's and walked us inside. Everyone was heading towards the dining table and greeted us on the way. 

We all took our usual seats only this time I had ended up right in front of the perfect blonde. My eyes scanned her hands; I saw no ring. 

It didn't take long for my dad to put me on the spot. His eyebrows were furrowed as he opened his mouth. "It's about time you come and visit us. What's gotten into you?"

My cheeks flushed and Peanut fluttered. "Nothing dad. I've been busy and tired."

"You do look tired honey." My mom added sweetly.

"Plus, she looks pudgy! You're not knocked up are ya?" this time he furrowed his brows at Kevin. 

I heard Howie choke and Brian snicker. Alex wasn't doing much but siting there and probably shooting rays out of his eyes at Kevin.

Kevin nervously cleared his throat while all the guys at the table snickered. "Uh...no sir. Not that I know of."

"DAD!" I was so humiliated and freaked out. I couldn't be pudgy, although my uniform was pretty snug, but I'd been blaming it on the donut a day.

"Alright let's settle down and have dinner." My mom scowled at everyone. 

Everyone obeyed and everything started to get passed around while the kids took turns talking about the week. Before we knew it the night had gone by and I realized that Brian hadn't made his announcement yet.

I turned to look at him just as he stood up from his seat. He let out a deep breath as he looked at Leighanne so lovingly. She gave his hand a squeeze and smiled.

"I know I surprised you all with the news about Angie and I I'm sorry for not being honest. Truth is I didn't know all this time either. I swear." his eyes rested on my mom and dad. "As you guys have probably heard...Angie is back to her old ways and because of her habits Hannah seems to be in danger, someone other than her mother is trying to take her. I won't let that happen and well on top of that..." he turned to look at Leighanne again. She gave him another squeeze.

"Cut to the chase man. I got things to do!" Alex blurted. 

"Alright! We're moving to New York tomorrow. I know it's really short notice, but i was waiting for confirmation they just gave me the job and asked for me to be there tomorrow."

"I'm not going. I won't leave Aunt Sophia alone!" Hannah had big tears rolling down her cheeks. It broke my heart to see her so distraught. 

I was mad at Brian all over again for leaving that part of his plans out of our conversations. "What the hell Brian? I asked you to help me not take..." My voice broke and I quickly got out of my chair and headed for the bathroom. I splashed water on my face and jumped when I saw Brian standing in the doorway. "What do you want?"

"That's not a way to talk to your older brother!" He tried to smile. "I didn't tell you because I know how attached you are to her. This hurts now, but knowing it beforehand would have killed you."

I felt my lip quiver as I broke into a small sob. "She's my best friend."

Brian smiled again and took me in his arms. "You have Kevin to make you company. Don't be so upset. It's not good for the baby!"

My head shot up and I looked at him startled, unable to deny what he'd just stated.

"I'm gonna kill Howie!"

"I'm offended he found out before me. He didn't tell me though. Did you forget I'm a doctor."

Nick was gone. Brian and Hannah were leaving and Alex was no longer mine. I felt so lonely already. 

"Please don't be mad at me. I love you. You're my little sister and I can't leave knowing you hate me."

I swiped at the tears and smacked him on the chest. "I could never hate you. This is just a lot to take in. I'm gonna miss you and the kids. Fridays won't be the same."

"You won't get rid of us so easily. We will visit...I promise!"

We hugged once again. Then we joined everyone in the livingroom. Alex somehow kicked off the goodbyes. He was already hugging the kids and making them promise they'd behave. 

After that we all ended up outside. Mom was weeping as she hugged her grandkids and her older son. I was trying to keep it together. Trying to stay strong so that Hannah wouldn't freak out on me; deep down inside I was the one freaking out. I'd be stuck alone in my apartment. 

We all hugged Baylee, Lily and Leighanne then they piled into the blue SUV waiting on their dad and new addition. My dad gave Brian a tight hug, as did my mom. Howie and Alex both took their turn and he ended up in front of me. 

I didn't say a word and wrapped my arms around him. He squeezed me and whispered to see a doctor soon and too hurry up and tell mom and dad. I smiled and nodded my head. 

Hannah's frightened blue eyes looked up at me. She clutched her favorite teddy bear in one arm and wrapped the other around my waist.

"What if they don't like me?"

I bent down to her level. "They already love you and now it's going to be better because their your siblings and Baylee is an awesome brother. You'll be fine." we hugged tight then let go.

She reluctantly took Brian's hand and they started towards the truck. I felt Kevin put his arm around my waist for comfort. 

Hannah suddenly yanked out of Brian's grip. "Aunt Soph!" She shouted and ran towards me. "I'm gonna miss you!" she cried.

The tears were flowing now and my heart was completely shattered. But I gave her my best reassuring smile and told her I'd miss her too. With that said she walked away, giving us all one last glance before getting in the car. 

With a heavy heart I watched as my best friend drove away.

That night I cried myself to sleep. Kevin tried to stay as long as he could, but he said he had things to do in the middle of the night. Whatever that was, at the time I really didn’t give a care. The next morning I could feel the puffiness of my eyes and my brain was throbbing in my skull.

There was knocking at my door as I made way to the bathroom to wash my face and put my hair in a ponytail. Slowly I walked to the door still in my pajamas and opened it without even wondering who it was.

I was torn between smiling and just slamming the door in his face. What the hell did he want?

“What do you want Alex?” I left the door open and made way to my room.

He followed me removing his jacket and throwing it on a whicker chair in the corner. I rummaged my closet pretending he wasn’t sitting on the corner of my bed staring at me.

“I wanted to make sure that you are ok. You looked so upset last night.” I could feel him standing behind me. I was still upset and I would be upset for a while. Slowly I turned to face him and felt Peanut do a flip as my eyes met with his. I was pretty sure babies didn’t move at this point in time.

It made me mad how indecisive I had suddenly become. I was acting like a high school girl who couldn’t make up her mind on who to take to prom. Only I was trying to decide who I loved and who I wanted to raise a child with. A child that neither one of them even knew about. Lately, I was so confused…when I was around Kevin I felt great and protected; like I could be with him forever. Then Alex would come along and he’d make every part of my body burn with desire and all I wanted was to be in his arms.

I watched as Alex ran his tongue over his bottom lip and crossed his arms over his chest. His gun holster was securely over his shoulder and to his side two guns hung from their holders. 

"You can't always be my knight in shining armor when you want. You have a fiancé that might not like that." 

He hung his head and shook it. "Not my fiancé anymore. Apparently I'm too busy with my family and we have to many issues that she doesn't want to be dragged into." Alex shrugged his shoulders.

"Oh!" I felt stupid. How could I comfort him when the news brought me joy. "I'm sorry."

"Are you?" He looked up at me. 

I bit my lip then moved out of his way trying to walk towards the bathroom. But he grabbed me by the arm and pulled me towards him. We were too close for comfort. His hands rested on my hips.

"I am." I whispered. 

It took me by surprise when Alex leaned in and kissed me. His lips engulfed my mouth and I responded. I couldn't help myself. I came to when I crashed against the closet door and I felt his hands slowly making way down my pajama pants. 

"Alex...wait..." I tried to say but the way his tongue assaulted mine was distracting. 

His mouth slowly made it's way down my chin to my neck. "I wanna make love to you." he spoke softly, his mouth moving down slowly.

It aggravated me a bit. That seemed to be all he wanted to do and then leave at the crack of dawn. "No..." I moaned pushing him away. He looked at me a little surprised. I shook my head. "I can't do this anymore. Let you come here and use me then leave me like I don't matter. I have a good man that really loves me and we are..."

He took a step back and looked at me puzzled. I knew deep down somewhere in that darkness there was love for me. Or at least I hoped. 

"What are you saying? You and him what?" he clenched his jaw.

I swallowed hard glaring at him. I knew what I was about to say would hurt him but I just couldn't keep playing this game.  "We are having a baby."

His eyes quickly moved down to my stomach and he removed his hands from my body. The tears stung as he looked at me with his big brown eyes in surprise. 

He spun around and stormed out of my room. I followed. 

"You didn't want a baby...remember. Alex...don't leave like this."

He stopped to grab his jacket and angrily pulled it on. He marched to the door.

"Alex..." I didn't know what to say.

He reached the door and spun around. We stared at each other in utter silence and then he broke it. "Fuck you both!" with that said he slammed the door. 

I wasn't sure if that was meant for me and Kevin or me and Peanut. It didn't matter...the words still stung. 

~~~~~~~

The rest of the day was shitty. I had to pretend like my whole life was ok and I was tough enough to hold down a big gorilla that was making a fuss at the local Winchells. Of course I didn't leave without my donut, which gave me a bit more comfort than Kevin. He seemed distracted and grouchy.

"You still haven't told me how you got the black eye!" I tried to make conversation as we sat in the cruiser.

He stared straight ahead for a minute or two. Then turned to look at me. "Someone knows I have the book. They came after me trying to get it but I don't have it here."

"What? Where is it?" I was curious.

"Somewhere safe."

I shook my head. At the moment I was more worried about finding out where our relationship was. If we could call it that. "Are we ok?"

"Of course." he gave me a not-so convincing shrug. "I'm sorry I have a lot going on right now. Not to mention that I'm always confused as to where we stand."

"Kevin..." I'm pretty sure that while on duty was not the way a man wanted to find out that he was going to be a father. But I'm...me and I do everything out of the ordinary.

"Is there something you need to say...shit tell me you're not going back with Alex. Because that..."

I interrupted his rant, "I'm pregnant, Kevin."

"Huh?" 

10-19 requesting backup on Main street. Possible riot breaking out. 

We both stared at each other in silence as the dispatcher repeated herself looking for a response. Kevin's eyes were still on me as he picked up the radio and let the dispatcher know we were on our way. 

"10-19 on route." he didn't say anything to me as he revved the engine, turned on our lights and we sped off with the siren blaring.

Was his silence good or bad?