"Amelia, wait." Brian's voice called out.
It was too late. She was already inside the restaurant when he ran
to her. So much for telling the truth, he grumbled. This was
not going like he hoped. What did he think was going to happen? Didn't
help matters that she was the only one who knew.
Nick appeared on the side of the restaurant, a cigarette dangling
from the corner of his mouth; looking perturbed, like something annoyed
him. Brian tried to act as casual as he could.
"Hey man. Thought you laid off those." Brian gestured.
Nick padded the top of his jacket for a lighter and looked up,
"Brian? What are you doing out here?"
He held up his Blackberry. "Yeah, it was a long one. What's going on
in there? Boring as hell?"
Nick lit the cigarette, blowing a cloud of smoke in the air and
shrugged. "Hell if I know. Just thought I'd take a break from all the
simultaneous chatter. Hey, you were out here for a long time. Who were
you talking to?"
Brian scratched the back of his neck. "Ah, just a business call. You
know how those are. Actually you don't, that's Howie's thing."
"Yeah, whatever. You guys are gonna bust my balls forever? Anyway,
what were you and that chick talking about?" He took another calm puff.
Brian gulped. "What chick? I was on the phone man."
Nick took another long drag, blowing the smoke in the sky and
squinted at his friend. For all the years that he has known Brian, he
wasn't very good at this. Nick was. Everyone knew it.
"I saw that Amelia chick looking real gnarly when she walked back
inside. She even snapped at me when I asked her what was up. What's
going on B-Rok?"
Brian shook his head. He was not going to go through with this. Nick
and Brian hardly ever had heart to hearts. He didn't even know what was
going on. He just made this huge decision and was now having some
doubts. He was the one who broke her heart. He was a bad guy. How could
he begin to explain the craziness that was going through his head?
"Was she the same one that messed you up on tour?" Nick gestured
with the cigarette toward the entrance.
Brian narrowed his eyes, "What the fuck are you talking about?"
Nick pulled back. This was unexpected. Brian never cursed unless
something really bothered him.
"I picked it up. Only a girl can make you this torn and isolated.
You and Leighanne only got back together 2 months ago. What happened to
you?" He flicked the cigarette ash off the end.
Brian was disgusted. There was no way he was going to go into that
with him. "Nothing. She's just a friend ok? I don't need to explain any
of this. Especially with you."
Nick stubbed out his cigarette and held up his hands as Brian tried
to pass him. "Whoa, what are you getting at? Really, I'm a little
concerned now. Why are you being so closed off?"
Brian sighed, reeling on his last nerve, "Nick, there's nothing to
talk about really. It's just all this str-"
"Let me guess, the stress? Wasn't that the top excuse for the
weirdness on the tour? Sometimes you wouldn't hang around any of us.
Always checking your phone every hour like it was some big deal. I was
worried you were taking the AJ path of self-numbing. What the fuck's
going on Brian?" Nick confronted.
Brian was really getting frustrated. He debated whether he should
keep his mouth shut or stop hiding. Only Amelia knew his fears,
insecurities and secrets. Can he trust Nick with the loneliness he'd
gotten so good at concealing? Honestly, does Nick really care about
anyone besides himself and that caked-up man he calls a girlfriend? It
should be so easy.
Brian's phone suddenly vibrated. He breathed a sigh of relief as he
pulled it out.
Brian, where are you? Your food's getting cold. Come on! -Leighanne
"Gotta go inside. The food's here." Brian found his freedom and
pushed passed Nick.
As soon as Brian went back inside, Nick thought to himself. What the
hell happened to his friend? Nick was beyond confused. He'd never known
Brian to be like this with anyone. He sure had everyone else fooled but
not him. If anything, this made Nick more curious than before to find
out the truth. He can only assume it involved that snappy girl. There's
something about that girl beyond what Brian's letting on. There was
also something about her couldn't understand. He had a feeling it was
going to be big.
The meal was long. Amelia couldn't stand being there any longer. The
entire evening dragged on like a long movie. Thank god for Howie and
Leigh. They were the normal ones. Howie asked Amelia about her job and
other questions really no one cared to ask anymore. She was grateful he
had somewhat picked up the tension and tried to diffuse the mess with
light hearted conversation. His wife was savior as well.
Amelia and Will made their way back to the car after a strange
parting from the crowd. Howie gave her a warm hug as did Leigh and
Leighanne. Amelia couldn't wait to just go home and sleep. It was far
from a late night but for what she'd been through, it was deserved. It
was a lot to take in.
They waved as Howie, Leigh, Brian and Leighanne were getting in
theirs. All was safe as both cars pulled from the parking lot. Amelia
huddled her shoulders and she looked at Will.
"Oh shit. Forgot my phone. Hold up. I'll be back." Will rushed back
inside, leaving Amelia alone.
Amelia leaned against the car, hugging herself tighter as a gust of
wind blew in her direction. She began wondering why she was caring so
much about Brian's decision. It was his. Whatever his reason was
shouldn't matter. But something about it just didn't feel right. They
were perfect together. She almost lost her senses before. She won't let
him do this. She can't.
"Hey, can I talk to you for a second?" She looked up, staring in his
eyes.
Nick coughed, telling Lauren to go wait for him in the car. He
handed her the keys. She whined, it was a horrible sound. Though, as
soon as he looked at her, she obeyed. Finally, some peace and quiet,
he thought.
As soon as she left Nick drew a blank. His mind became jumbled and
he didn't know where to start. He just wanted to make it quick.
Around 5 seconds later Amelia grew bored. "What? What do you wanna
say?"
Nick rubbed the back his neck, a steep laugh escaped his lips as he
looked at her. He saw her eyes for the first time. She scoffed and he
finally remembered.
"I have a lot of questions. Guess you could say I wanna know what's
up. What's going on with Brian?"
Amelia froze, tucked some hair behind the ear that was burning,
thinking fast, "I don't know. Maybe you should ask him."
Nick watched she crossed her arms, obviously very irritated. This
was never good when you want to get something out of someone.
"Sometimes you have to dig deep and investigate other corners. I saw
you guys outside; I know something is going on. Leighanne and others
may not, but I do. I need to you talk to you. I want my friend back."
Nick said firmly.
Amelia was taken aback. That was a tall request. He acted like a cop
interrogating her. What makes him think she's just going to be him
straight with him? He must be on something, and judging by how skinny
he is, looks like crack.
"I'm not going to say this again. Ask him. I don't know
anything ok? You should leave, my boyfriend's coming back."
"Boyfriend huh? Say you don't know anything? Say I'm full of shit?
What were you doing talking to Brian in private? Sounds like to me that
you know your ass from your elbow." He chided, almost scaring her with
how much he already knew.
Amelia shrunk. Standing her ground became the hardest thing to do
when you're being confronted with the truth. She should have been more
careful. She should have not gone outside. Nick should have not
witnessed anything.
"Bye Nick." She turned around, pulling at the car door, hoping he
would take the hint.
She knew it was locked. She knew he didn't leave. Two fresh tears
slipped down her cheeks as she prayed for Will to enter the scene.
"I know you're involved somehow. The guys may not care so much. They
don't read between the lines. Everything you do is obvious. I hope you
know what you're doing is fucking with his head. Nothing more. I'll
find out your secret." He said in a menacing tone.
She wiped under her eyes, her tear streaks now cold from the breeze
and sticking to her skin. She barely felt them as she turned around.
She didn't care anymore.
"I hope you do. I hope everyone knows. Just so you could feel good
about yourself. You have my permission to ruin my life. I got nothing
left to lose." She replied bleakly, unaware of the change in his
expression.
His face softened. He was confused. There was more to this than what
he believed. "That's not what I'm do-"
Will ran into the lot briskly and picked Amelia in a hug. The
reaction on his face telling her he found what he was looking for. He
pulled away from the hug, kissing her cheek.
"Hey, let's get going." He whispered.
When Will rounded the car, unlocking the doors, Amelia briefly
looked at the blond. She just stared at him, slowly bringing her eyes
to gaze over his.
"Let's do this right, ok? Let's meet somewhere. You can trust me."
Nick pleaded, his curiosity getting the better of him over rational
thought.
No more secrets. Can she trust him? The look in his eyes was
confusing her. Those eyes, there was more to it than the beautiful
ocean color.
"Is this where you live?" Nick said, pointing to the house with
green bushes surrounding the exterior.
Amelia looked out and shuddered. She didn't want to get out. She
clutched Penny tightly and looked at the boy.
"Mommy's not home." She said, tears appearing at the corner of
her eyes.
Nick nodded, his eyes shining brightly through the dimness
inside the car. "Let's go to my house. We could play Kid Niki."
Shit. It can't be. No way. Amelia immediately unlocked the door
behind her. She couldn't look at him anymore. "I can't."
She slipped inside and shut the door without another look. A scared
look on her face. She took a deep breath and slowly released it.
"Amelia, what's up sweetheart?" Will touched her shoulder eliciting
a flinch from her.
"Sorry. I'm really sorry. We're not doing this again." She pulled
herself together and fell into his arms.
"I just wish I knew what's wrong. You hardly ever tell me."
He was right. All this time she was preaching her problems with
trust, not realizing she had been harboring some on her own. She pulled
away, touching her forehead against his.
"Let's go back, I'll tell you everything. I don't wanna hide it in
anymore." She admitted.
Brian and Leighanne waved goodbye to her mother and closed the door.
Baylee had been asleep for a while now; things were just starting to
wind down. Brian watched Leighanne take out the newly purchased items
from the bags stored in the closet and hung some pieces on the hangers.
He sat on the edge of the bed, looking at the way she pulled out a new
dress, a deep blue color and put it against her body. Brian's eyes
scaled up her body in slow motion. Been a while since he really looked
at her. She was his love. What was the problem? She's everything to
him. He'd give his life to make sure she was happy. So what's going on?
Leighanne felt his eyes on her and calmly sauntered over to him.
Brian noticed her when she straddled his waist, making him lean over
and fall on the soft bed.
She kissed his cheeks and when she went to his lips she paused,
"Have I told you how perfect you are?"
Brian smiled genuinely, "No that's you. Everything about you. All of
you. So perfect."
Leighanne looked in his eyes, leaned over kissing him softly. His
kept his lips closed but tried opening his mouth. He sighed, it was no
use. His mind was jumping all over the place. She pulled back with a
frown. Running her fingers through his hair she stared in his eyes.
"Are you alright?" She said, worry dripping over each word.
He had rehearsed it a million times and now he was a master of it.
"Yes, everything is perfect."
"Yes, you said that already. Brian, sweetheart, are you sure you're
alright? We've always talked things out. Sometimes its best." She
urged, attempting once more.
Brian calmly pushed her away and backed up against the headboard of
the bed. The stiffness in his neck raising by the minute. "I don't need
to talk. Let's just not talk."
Leighanne narrowed her eyes. She noticed he was looking down. His
hands covered his eyes. His entire body was detached. He was somewhere
else. Leighanne took a deep breath and came over to sit next to him
with weary eyes. She tried to look at him but he wouldn't let her.
She tilted her head. "Brian I don't want to go back to 2 years ago.
We moved passed this."
"Maybe you did." He said in a raspy tone.
Leighanne gasped. She could not stop the tears that threatened to
spill but they came anyway. She could not believe he was doing this.
They were happy. He was around more. The spark they had in the
beginning was there. They were so happy. She had so many things planned
when he came back.
Leighanne reached out, trying to touch his arm but he shook it off.
Everything inside her was beginning to die. She hung her head low. Not
this, not now. Not when they've come this far and made so much
progress. He will not do this. Not when everything was just starting to
go back to normal. That was all she wanted. All she craved for. She
couldn't lose him. Not now. Not ever.
"Brian..." she trailed, searching for the right words. "I know
things may seem like they're hard, but its not. Sweetie, if anything
else, we should be happy. We deserve it. Think about Baylee. It was
much harder before when we were separated. Don't you remember how
difficult things were when we weren't a family? I can't bare it. I know
Baylee couldn't get used to us not being us. Do you really
want to break his heart again? He needs you Bri. I need you."
Brian was conflicted. He hated when she would coax him into doing
what she wanted. For once, he wasn't really caring about this stupid
marriage anymore. It was pretentious. He wasn't following his heart
anymore. He was doing the opposite. Thinking with his head and choosing
obligation over logical truth. It wasn't Leighanne. Not anymore.
Seeing Amelia again brought out the realness finally. He didn't
enjoy playing house anymore. But Leighanne, he still cared. But it
wasn't right. She deserved better. Someone who can give her the love
she deserves. Baylee is growing up. Things will change but he's still a
father and that matters most to him now.
"I don't want this marriage anymore." His deadpan delivery rang out
in the quiet room like a thousand echoes.
A few days later Amelia was meeting Will at Yogurt Land right after
his read through with the next Blue Bloods episodes. He had
been on the phone lately a lot with Donnie Wahlberg. Sometimes Donnie
would come over and leave revised scripts to her place. She met his
ex-wife Kim and thought she reminded her a lot like Leighanne. She
regretted not talking to him more besides the occasional "thank you"
"hi" and "bye." Most of her friends from work had been on vacation
which didn't leave her with anyone to talk to other than Will. She
didn't think about it all that much until recently.
She was curious too. She wondered about Will a lot. Who his friends
were. What they did between shoots. Usually when he goes to New York,
he'll hop on Skype and give her the whole journal entry of his days
events. Except on the days he goes out with Nickolas Turturro. Amelia
never met any of his friends other than Donnie. She saw Tom Seleck once
when they were filming a scene in Los Angeles on the weekend. He had
this fatherly figure like quality that was magnetic. She knew Will was
in good hands. He really looked up to the whole cast and crew of the
show. She often thought about the stuff he does at the parties.
He had a small homestead loft in New York because of the long months
from shooting and his intense dislike of hotels. Amelia seriously
thought of surprising him on set. She knew he wouldn't be expecting it
because of her fear of flying. Ever since she was a kid, she just
despised flying. It pulls people further away from each other. That
explains why she never goes to airports when he travels. Seeing people
leave, there's nothing worse. She didn't know what she would do if he
never came back. She didn't want to think about that anymore.
"Hey! There you are!" She greeted as Will took the empty stood seat
next to her.
He kissed her cheek and took the pink plastic spoon with some cherry
frozen yogurt on it. He savored the flavor and licked his lips trying
to get the extra yogurt with his tongue off the sides of his mouth.
Amelia laughed, "If I knew you were gonna do that I would have
gotten my own."
He took another hefty spoonful, "You love it when I'm gross."
She rolled her eyes and dipped her finger in the whipped cream on
top. He leaned over and sucked the cream off her finger.
She gave him a look with wide eyes. "And what do you call that?"
"Hey. You were the one who dipped it; I was just hungry for it.
Looked so good." He leaned closer kissing her lips. She could taste the
cream on his tongue.
She pulled away when he tried to deepen the kiss. "Not here. This
kind of PDA is outlawed. What would Jamie Reagan do?"
He spooned another mouthful of yogurt, "Jamie would say fuck it.
Sergeant Renzulli would probably watch, you know him. I guess I'll
behave myself for that reason."
"Good. So what's up? What time are you leaving tomorrow?" She picked
at the now soupy magenta colored yogurt.
He pulled out his iphone flicking some screens around. "I board
around 7am. Who knows how long customs will be? I'd rather be frisked
by you."
"Don't look at me, you're the trainie."
"And even cops love getting frisked."
She licked the spoon and pulled some hair from her eyes.
Will looked at her. He'd never seen anything so beautiful. Her
layered brown locks loosely hung from the French braid. He loved how
natural she looked. No makeup or a mask, he could see her face. The
sensual beauty that attracted him from the moment he saw her. If he
could bottle this moment and keep it forever, he would. But before he
could stop himself, there was something he needed to say.
"Let's get out of here." He whispered and took her hand discarding
the cup.
They began walking around the shops of Westwood. A lot of students
frequented the outside mall because it was near UCLA. Saturdays were
crowded with all kinds of young adults. The looks on their faces. Pure
joy, laughter and excitement. Amelia looked around and saw a young
couple sitting on the bench. The man was reading sitting up; the woman
had her head on his lap and held his hand. The look on her face told
her so many things. Her eyes danced to the engagement ring that bloomed
brighter than the day. She couldn't tear her eyes away from it.
Something about the visual drew her eyes toward it. She was mesmerized.
"Amelia?"
"Hmm?" She hummed, still looking at the couple with transfixed eyes.
Will glanced in her direction and turned her chin up with his
finger, looking in her eyes. "I love you."
She smiled, turned red and looked down then trailed her eyes up, "I
love you."
Will led her to a bench in a quiet area. As they sat Amelia was
distracted. She looked back at the couple, holding hands. She just
found herself staring. Thinking, wondering about some things.
Will leaned forward and spoke in a low voice. "Look at me beautiful."
She shivered from the vibration of his tone. She looked at him
through her lashes. His eyes were a deep green and the corners of his
mouth lifted up.
"I got to say something. You know what I said about going away to
New York for New Year's to film? I told you it was only going to be New
Years but its extended; which is good news for the show. The bad news
is it's almost 6 months."
Amelia sat still. She just stared at him, waiting for more. This was
a lot longer than what he normally works. What's going to happen in 6
months? She took a deep breath, collecting herself. She can't help but
think this was déjà vous.
She rubbed her temples together trying so hard not to think about
Brian. She shut her eyes tightly. All she could see was Brian's face
and watching him walk off when he told her he was leaving the next day.
That moment burned in her memory; seemed like yesterday. Brian,
please go away.
Will didn't know how she would take it. He didn't know how he
would take it. 2 to 3 weeks is one thing but anything longer, how could
they get passed the time lost? They've never been through something
this long distance before. Maybe this was going to be a test. There was
nothing he could do. CBS ordered new episodes and he has to be a part
of it. He wanted to ask her to come with him but thought against it.
She would have to leave work, be cooped up in the house during shoots
and he just knew the director would blow up on the set if anyone he
didn't know would come without permission. Will didn't want her to go
through that.
This wasn't going to be easy. None of this was going to go by quick.
He knew this and truly hated it. Being around her always made him
happy, he couldn't describe it. She was eerily silent for 2 minutes.
Felt like forever to him.
"I didn't expect this. It's not forever, just 6 months."
Amelia felt his hand on hers and reacted finally. She held both his
hands and gave a sad smile. "Yeah, I know."
He pulled her into his arms and relaxed. He looked behind her to the
couple she was staring a few minutes ago making a mental note.
"Please come with me. I can't spend New Year's alone." He said,
squeezing her body close.
She pulled away and looked in his eyes in disbelief. He nodded and
smiled wide.
"I'll be there."
'Tis the season! Except for Brian. He didn't feel so merry when he
hopped the plane to ring in the New Year at Times Square. He didn't
know if 2010 was a year he should regret or remember. He thought it was
best if Leighanne stayed at home since they were fighting about their
marriage. Leighanne just wanted too much. More than Brian could give
her. He couldn't be a husband anymore. Playing house became so natural
it was making him feel sick inside. He found himself daydreaming when
she wasn't around. How different would his life be if he asked Amelia
to come with him? It was the question that just wouldn't die in his
thoughts.
After rehearsal for the Times Square New Year's Rockin' Eve
performance, Brian vaguely called it in. Nick was giving him an evil
glare ever since they got off the plane. He watched Brian's every move
when he exited the arena. Nick's suspicions grew when Brian whispered
something in the bodyguard's ear. As Brian left through the curtain in
the back Big Mike stood in front of it.
Nick took off his headphones, rolled his eyes and walked toward the
curtain unafraid of the guard. What in the world was Brian up to? As
Nick approached, Mike gave him a knowing look.
"Sorry man. There's another exit downstairs."
Nick sighed. He thought about bribing him but he knew Mike wasn't a
big money or favors kind of guy. He was loyal and wouldn't fall for
those things on the cuff. His head was screwed on straight much to
Nick's chagrin.
Nick was stumped. He knew there was no going around this so he
retreated to the back door that led to the downstairs exit; the long
way out. As he pushed the door open he spotted Brian on his cell
attempting to make a call. Brian left out a soft curse and clicked off
the line. He stomped back inside with his head held down walking with a
slump to the elevator. Nick squinted as he watched him hesitate before
walking inside. So far so good. But who was on the phone? Who was he
trying to call?
"Nick, what the fuck are you doing?" AJ's gruff voice made his skin
jump.
Nick realized it was over and he forfeited the game... for now.
"Nothing, just thought I saw something. Didn't Joe and Donnie say they
were going to meet us at Balthazar?"
AJ gestured with his thumb behind him, "Everybody's driving there
now. Let's go. Biggie told me Brian's going to sleep so he's out.
Lauren was looking for you. Are you sure you're up for this? You don't
look so up."
Nick looked at him pointedly, "Yeah, just give me a second, I'm
coming."
AJ patted his shoulder, "Meet you in the lot. You're sitting in the
back with your giant girlfriend."
On any other day, that comment would have bothered him, but for now,
he didn't care. All he wanted to know is who was he trying to reach and
why was he so mad? Why was Nick so mad? Why did Nick really care about
Brian's personal business? It never bothered him this much on tour as
it was now. He thought it was because everybody was being so oblivious
to the signs. Brian was way too obvious to ignore. And Nick was so over
his bull shit.
Donnie is with the guys now so that means Will Estes was around him
as Donnie mentioned he was splitting his time with filming the cop show
and the performance. How convienient. There might be chance he could
get some answers and there was only one person who would provide them.
Next on his list: finding Amelia.
Amelia settled into the hotel Will insisted on getting because
Donnie talked him into it. The condo wasn't ideal since it was far from
shooting locations. Now for the next two days the cast of Blue
Bloods would be on a break. Donnie put them up at the Roosevelt
Plaza Hotel, one of the oldest and poshiest hotels in Manhattan. She
didn't care about the room since the room basically had a pool in the
shower. It reminded her of Will's place but cleaner.
She placed her bags near the bed and sat on the edge of the bed.
Before she could relax on the fluffy bed there was a knock that
startled her. She glanced at the clock. Wasn't too late but she
firgured maybe Will came back to get something. She grabbed the hair
tie off the counter and pulled her hair up in a high ponytail. She
tried to appear more awake as she walked to the door. Last thing she
wanted was to appear haggard on Day 1. She has to make an effort.
She pulled open the door and staggered in place. This was like a bad
dream. She couldn't look at him.
"Are you alone?" His eyes burned into hers.
She responded by shutting the door, but he held it back and peeked
his head inside.
"Let go."
"I love you."
"Brian, this is wrong."
"Its not. It wasn't wrong when you called me that night."
She struggled to push the door but he won. Wasn't too long before he
led her to the bed, not bothering to close and lock the door. He wanted
her. It was over. He was tired of dreaming about it. Tired of going to
sleep every night wondering what if?
As his face came over hers, hovering, she stopped him. "Wait."
He sighed heavily and fell next to her. He sat there looking at the
ceiling for a moment. Did he really want to do this? He knew how he
felt. He knew how she felt. It was so clear. Why didn't it feel right?
"I love you too. I never stopped." Amelia said, her voice above a
whisper.
Brian froze. He closed his eyes, fear pulled at his heartstrings.
Everything made sense again. He didn't think he would ever hear those
words come from anyone.
He gently felt for her hand. She was shaking. She turned her face to
his and opened her eyes. She made herself look at him. She could do
this. Slowly her eyes scaled his face until she traced her way to his
eyes.
"Open your eyes."
She looked at him, puzzled, "I am."
"No, really open them. Tell me what you see? Who do you see? Who do
you want to see?"
She didn't know why but she closed her eyes then slowly opened them.
"Nick?" Her eyes bulged when she saw Nick smile back at her.
"I knew you'd choose me." He caressed her cheek with the back of his
hand.
She closed her eyes again, sinking in his touch. "Hmm, you're not
real. You can't be."
"I'm as real as you want me to be. Go ahead touch me." He pulled her
hand and placed it on his warm chest.
She opened her eyes and let out a gasp. Her hand felt warm and she
looked at her coat on top of her laptop.
"Oh my god." She fell back on the bed. Still confused that it was
all imagination.
She looked at alarm clock on the night stand. She was asleep for 2
hours. Time to get up. She hurled herself up slow and easy. Her body
felt like Jell-O and her head was starting to pound like she'd just
been to a concert. Her body was still in sleep mode when she stood up.
Her eyes were small slits as she adjusted them, even in the dimness of
the lamps.
The suite was empty. It looked like Will hadn't come back yet so she
decided to get some fresh air. She grabbed the card key, took her coat
and closed the door.
She turned around and crashed into something hard.
"Easy there. Amelia?" Nick's surprised eyes peeked down at her.