1. Chapter 1 by colorguard_diva
2. Chapter 2 by colorguard_diva
3. Chapter 3 by colorguard_diva
4. Chapter 4 by colorguard_diva
5. Chapter 5 by colorguard_diva
6. Chapter 6 by colorguard_diva
7. Chapter 7 by colorguard_diva
8. Chapter 8 by colorguard_diva
9. Chapter 9 by colorguard_diva
10. Chapter 10 by colorguard_diva
11. Chapter 11 by colorguard_diva
12. Chapter 12 by colorguard_diva
13. Chapter 13 by colorguard_diva
14. Chapter 14 by colorguard_diva
15. Chapter 15 by colorguard_diva
16. Chapter 16 by colorguard_diva
17. Chapter 17 by colorguard_diva
18. Chapter 18 by colorguard_diva
19. Chapter 19 by colorguard_diva
20. Chapter 20 by colorguard_diva
21. Chapter 21 by colorguard_diva
22. Chapter 22 by colorguard_diva
23. Chapter 23 by colorguard_diva
24. Chapter 24 by colorguard_diva
25. Chapter 25 by colorguard_diva
26. Chapter 26 by colorguard_diva
27. Chapter 27 by colorguard_diva
28. Chapter 28 by colorguard_diva
29. Chapter 29 by colorguard_diva
30. Chapter 30 by colorguard_diva
31. Chapter 31 by colorguard_diva
32. Chapter 32 by colorguard_diva
33. Chapter 33 by colorguard_diva
34. Chapter 34 by colorguard_diva
35. Chapter 35 by colorguard_diva
36. Chapter 36 by colorguard_diva
37. Chapter 37 by colorguard_diva
38. Chapter 38 by colorguard_diva
39. Chapter 39 by colorguard_diva
40. Chapter 40 by colorguard_diva
41. Chapter 41 by colorguard_diva
42. Chapter 42 by colorguard_diva
43. Chapter 43 by colorguard_diva
44. Chapter 44 by colorguard_diva
45. Chapter 45 by colorguard_diva
46. Chapter 46 by colorguard_diva
47. Chapter 47 by colorguard_diva
48. Chapter 48 by colorguard_diva
49. Chapter 49 by colorguard_diva
50. Chapter 50 by colorguard_diva
51. Chapter 51 by colorguard_diva
52. Chapter 52 by colorguard_diva
53. Chapter 53 by colorguard_diva
54. Chapter 54 by colorguard_diva
Why Are We Still Friends?
“Come on Nick. We need to get all this junk out of here by tonight. Anna’s going to be moving in tomorrow.” I pushed him off the bed and he fell with a thud.
“And to think that everyone thinks you’re so sweet and nice.” He rubbed his head as he sat up. “If they only knew the real Alexia.”
I hated when he called me Alexia. No one, but Nick and Anna called me that since I was a baby. He only did it to tick me off. Nick was my best friend. I had known him since he was thirteen and I was nine. He was a member of my brother’s singing group. He knew everything about me. I knew all his secrets and still loved him with all my heart.
“Well shouldn’t Brian be helping you? It’s his sister and all.”
“Nicky, stop trying to get yourself out of working. Brian doesn’t exactly know that Anna is coming back.”
“What’s up with that?” Nick started packing up my clothes into plastic storage bins.
“When she moved to Pittsburgh with the jerk, Brian stopped talking to her.”
Nick looked at me confused. “Why didn’t I know that?”
“Because I keep Brian abreast about what is going on in Anna’s life.”
“I love how you use the word abreast when talking to me.” He chuckled. “I love when you talk dirty.”
I blushed at Nick’s comment. He always teased me about being such a goody goody. Everyone expected me to be wild and crazy like my brother, Alex. I was quiet, introverted, and dedicated to my job. The one thing I had in common with my big brother was our heart of gold. Both of us would help anyone in an instant.
“Nick, stop. Let’s get this room finished and then we can have a picnic on the beach.”
“I have a better idea. Why don’t we spend the evening on my boat?”
“That works. Now get to work.”
“You sure are pushy Alexia.”
We never made it to Nick’s boat that night. AJ called and wanted Nick to go out and do something manly with him. His wife, Bella was giving him a free night away from the kids.
I arrived at the airport just as Anna’s flight was touching down. I was excited to see my other best friend in the entire world. It had been ten years since I had seen her. Sure we talked on the phone, chatted on line and sent emails, but it wasn’t the same as actually being face to face.
I was shocked when I saw Anna. She had changed so much in ten years. Her long brown hair was now blonde and to her shoulders. It made her blue eyes pop out with color. Her breasts were bigger, but that was because of her implants. Her clothes were extremely trendy, and she looked like a supermodel. Anna was always pretty, but now she was gorgeous and sexy.
I on the other hand hadn’t changed much over the years. My dark hair was still long with highlights. I was a jeans and t-shirt kind of girl. I guess fashion wasn’t my thing. I felt somewhat plain and ordinary compared to her.
“Lexi, it’s so good to see you.” Anna pulled me in for a hug.
“Anna it’s been too long.”
“I know. I can’t believe I was stupid enough to marry that prick and move to Pittsburgh. Oh, well at least I got new boobs and enough money to tide me over.” She laughed. I smiled uncomfortably. I didn’t think it was funny at all.
One thing I took seriously was marriage. Sure, I wasn’t married yet, but when the time comes I will take my vows seriously. My brother had one of the strongest marriages going. I wanted to emulate him if I ever got married. I was shocked at Anna’s attitude about her marriage.
“Are you excited to be back in Florida?” I changed the subject.
“Of course. My bikini is in my carry-on. I wasn’t going to wait to go to the beach until my stuff got down here.” She giggled. “I’m glad you live on the beach.”
“So fill me in on the gossip. I want to know what’s going on with everyone.”
“Nothing has changed since the last time we talked.” I commented as we walked to the parking lot.
“How do you think Brian’s going to react when he finds out I came back. I haven’t talked to him for years.” I couldn’t tell if Anna was upset about her relationship with her brother.
Brian had a hard time with Anna’s choices in the past. He wasn’t thrilled that she got married at nineteen to a man she had only known for two weeks. Sure, Grady Miller was an upstanding man. At the time he was a med student, and now he was a doctor. Brian was wary of the relationship and begged her to give it more time. Anna was so in love that she moved to Pittsburgh with Grady the next week.
“I think Brian is going to be shocked to see you. You’ve changed a lot. Deep down I think he will be glad you are back. He’s missed you a lot.” I explained as we found the car. We quickly placed the luggage in my car and were on our way.
“Why would you say that? I mean he hasn’t tried once in ten years to contact me. When he came to Pittsburgh, he didn’t even make an attempt to look me up.” She was getting angry.
“He asks me about you all the time. Just because he’s not thrilled with the choices you’ve made, does not mean he doesn’t love you.”
“Yeah, well so much for trying. I did everything I could to work things out with Brian. Do you know how many emails and letters I sent? He didn’t respond to any of them.”
I didn’t know if Anna was telling the truth. She was my best friend, but she had a flair for dramatics. Brian had never mentioned getting anything from her. He was always asking me what was going on in her life. Things were not going to be pretty when Brian found out she was back.
“That doesn’t sound like Brian to me.” I responded carefully. She would be annoyed that I didn’t side with her. I wasn’t on anyone’s side. I wanted them to be close like me and AJ.
“I forgot he’s charmed you into believing that he is the nicest guy around.” She remarked rudely. Anna was mad because I wouldn’t take her side on this situation. This was typical of her.
“Anna, you’re my best friend, but Brian is my friend, too. He misses you even though he doesn’t show it. I hope that the two you can work it out.”
“Lexi, I’m not going to hold my breath about making up with Brian. He made his choice a long time ago. I won’t push him to be in my life.” She looked out the window for a moment. I knew she was hiding the sadness she felt about her relationship with her brother. “So, are you up for going out tonight?”
Well, that was an abrupt change in topic. This was another thing Anna was good at; changing the topic when if didn’t fit her mood.
“I’d love to, but I offered to watch Alisa and Ian. AJ wants to spend some quality time with Bella. But, I’m sure Nick will go out with you.”
“So AJ wants to have sex with the wifey.” She laughed. “I think it’s sweet that you want to babysit your niece and nephew. Alexia, that’s why you haven’t had a serious relationship all these years, you’re always helping someone else instead of living your own life.”
“Thanks for the insight, Annalise. I’m perfectly happy with my life.” The reason I was single was because I was in love with a man that only saw me as a friend. It was a secret I kept to myself. Anna wouldn’t understand. She could get any guy she wanted. On the other hand guys only wanted me as a friend. We were so different, but somehow we managed to be best friends.
Why Are We Still Friends?
I was sitting on the deck waiting for my brother to bring the kids over. They lived about thirty minutes away. I was enjoying the sunshine. Anna was off getting ready for her night out with Nick. She conned him into taking her to dinner and then dancing.
I heard the pitter patter of little feet in the house. I grabbed my book and went inside.
“Auntie Lexi. I missed you so much.” Alisa exclaimed as she ran over to me and gave me a hug. Ian followed her.
“Hello Lexi.” Brian entered the kitchen. I was surprised to see him.
“Hi Brian. What brings you here?”
“I figured since I just got back for Kentucky, we could hang out with the munchkins.” He smiled at me. Brian was always sweet and friendly.
“That sounds good.”
“Can we go out for pizza Lexi, pwease?” Alisa jumped around as she talked. She was a barrel of energy.
“So, Alexia, how do I look?” Anna sashayed into the kitchen wearing a cute, short, green dress. She was beautiful and looked like a model.
The look on Brian’s face when he saw Anna was enough to make me want to disappear. I didn’t like confrontation. His nostrils started to flare, so I knew he was upset. This wasn’t going to end well.
“What is she doing here?” Brian asked me. He ignored his sister.
“Well, hello to you Brian. Lexi, don’t wait up. I’ll see you later.” Anna exited the room.
“Lexi, what’s going on?” He stared at me. I wasn’t used to Brian being like this with me.
“Let me get the kids settled with a movie. Then we can talk.” I left the kitchen.
While I got the movie ready for the kids, my mind was on how to tell Brian. I knew he was mad that I didn’t tell him Anna was coming back. He was in Kentucky. I just didn’t want Brian to be mad at me.
Once the kids were settled on the couch, I walked back into the kitchen. Brian was sitting at the island looking pissed. I hadn’t seen him this angry for a long time. In fact it was probably the day Anna left.
“So, Bri.” I sat down across from him. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you that she was back. Anna just arrived today.”
He looked at me with his deep blue eyes and I could see the hurt in his eyes. I wasn’t sure if it was caused by me or his sister. “Is she just visiting?”
“No, Anna’s moved in with me. She and Grady are divorced.”
“Wow! I thought they were so in love. It’s nice of you to let her stay with you.” Brian commented dryly.
“I know your sister hasn’t been your favorite person in the world.” I chose my words carefully. There was no need to start an argument. “She’s my friend. I want to help her get back on her feet. That’s what friends do.”
“Lexi, I know you’re right. You’re a good friend to everyone. I hope Annalise appreciates all that you do for her.” He gave me a smile and rubbed my hand.
“I think deep down she does. Anna just gets carried away by all the craziness in her life.” I started playing with the napkins that were sitting in front of me. I guess I was still a little unsure of where this conversation might lead. “Do you think you are going to try to make amends with Anna?”
Brian was quiet for a few minutes. I could hear the kids’ movie in the background. I knew what I wish he would do, but it was not my choice that mattered in the end. “I don’t know. I don’t know if our relationship can be fixed. It’s been too long. We’re both different people.”
I looked up at him and whispered. “I wish you would try.”
“I’ll think about it. Where was she running off to in such a hurry?” He took the napkin from my hand and threw it at the wastebasket. He smiled when it in fell inside.
“She went out with Nick tonight. Anna’s not one to sit still. She has to be busy.”
“Why didn’t you go out with her?” He tilted his head and gawked at me. I hated when he did this.
“I promised Bella I would watch the kiddos. Plus you know that’s not my scene. I prefer to stay at home watching movies or reading.” Suddenly, I felt like a major loser. Here I was twenty-eight and had no life. I did go out on occasion when Nick dragged me out of the house.
“You could have gone out tonight. I would have watched Ian and Alisa.”
“Oh Brian, you’re too sweet for your own good. Plus, shouldn’t you being going out on dates with hot women.” I teased him. Brian was more like me when it came to going out. We did it every once in a while, but preferred being homebodies.
“I’ve decided to give up on the dating scene for a while. I haven’t met any women who could hold my interest.”
“Wexi, I hungry.” Ian walked in rubbing his tummy.
“I think that’s our cue to get some dinner.” I nudged Brian. “Would you like to go to Lorenzo’s for pizza?”
Ian nodded his head. “I wuv Renzo’s.” Brian and I both laughed. Ian was such a cutie. He looked just like his daddy.
“Okay go get Alisa and we’ll head out.”
By the time we got back from dinner Ian was fast asleep in his car seat. Alisa was yawning. I got them both settled in their beds. They had their own room at Aunt Lexi’s house. They would sleep the rest of the night. I shut the light off and went into the living room. Brian wasn’t there. He must be on the deck.
A few minutes later, that’s where I found him. He was leaning against the railing watching the waves crash along the sand. Brian seemed to be in deep thought.
“Everything okay Bri?” I asked as I moved beside him.
“Yes, it’s perfect.” He scooted closer, bumping me in the process.
“Glad everything is perfect for you.”
“So, how’s school Miss Smarty Pants?” Brian took my hand and led us to the steps. We both took a seat with Brian sitting a few steps below me.
“It’s going well. I can’t believe how much stuff I’m learning. The classes are hard, but I love it.” I could go on for hours about my classes. I was going to graduate school for Pediatric Nursing. I loved working with children.
“You are the best nurse I know. Those kids love you.” Brian complimented me. Luckily it was dark, so he didn’t see me blush.
“I just do my job. Timothy misses you. He asks me every day when you are coming to see him.”
“Lexi, you don’t give yourself enough credit.” Brian reached over and placed a strand of hair behind my ear. “Learn to take a compliment, sweetheart.”
A shiver went through my body. I rubbed my arms to get warm. “Okay. I just don’t like sounding like I’m better than anyone else.”
“Lexi, you are a wonderful woman. You’re sweet, kind, intelligent and pretty. You deserve credit for what you are good at.” Brian took off his sweatshirt. “Here take this. You’re cold.”
“Are you sure?” I asked before putting it on. “You’re going to get cold.”
“I’m sure. My long sleeve shirt will keep me warm. My dad always taught me to be chivalrous to women.”
“You’re going to make some women very happy someday. Then I can babysit your kids.” I stared out at the ocean as we talked.
“Lexi, you aren’t going to be the Backstreet babysitter your whole life.” Brian started rubbing my calf. “Someday Prince Charming is going to come and sweep you off your feet.”
“Not for a long time, Littrell. I’m so busy with work and school. I don’t have time to date.” What I didn’t tell Brian was that I was in love with someone.
“Maybe you need to make some time. You can’t forget about love. It’s an important part of life.” He said seriously.
“I know that Brian. Right now isn’t the right time. I promise to start dating after I graduate.” That would be in at least two years. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to date. I was in love with the wrong person. He was my best friend, and didn’t notice me in that way. “So it’s getting cold out here. Why don’t we go in and watch a movie?”
“Oh, I see, avoiding the subject are we.” Brian joked.
“Well we could always talk about your nonexistent love life. Oh, wait you must be like Nick and have a new woman to hook up with when you get horny.”
“I cannot believe those words are coming out of your mouth. I thought you were sweet and innocent.” Brian shook his finger at me.
“Looks can be deceiving. You got to watch out for us quiet ones.” With that I got up and ran into the house.
I enjoyed spending time with Brian. He was funny and easy to talk to. We always had fun together.
Why Are We Still Friends?
“Aww, look how cute they look.” Nick laughed as he and Anna walked in from their night out.
“Shh, you’re going to wake them up with your loud mouth.” Anna kicked her heels off and they flew across the room hitting Brian’s legs.
“Oh, shit. He’s going to be so pissed at you Anna Banana.” Nick backed himself into the wall.
“He’s already pissy eyed off at me.” She started giggling and couldn’t stop. “He’ll just have to pull his big boy panties out of his tight conservative ass. No wonder he doesn’t have a woman.”
I woke up when I heard all the giggles. I realized I was curled up next to Brian. I was wearing his sweatshirt and a pair of very short running shorts. His hand was resting on my thigh. Slowly I removed his hand and sat up. “Can you two be quiet? Alisa and Ian are sleeping in the next room.” I said groggily.
“Shit, Alexi Lexi. I’m sorry. It’s time for me to head home. I got a meeting in the morning.” He moved away from the wall and almost fell.
I rolled my eyes. It looked like Anna and Nick had quite the time. “Nick, why don’t you go crash in my bed tonight? You’re drunk. I don’t want you driving.”
“If you insist.” He smiled at me, and my heart melted.
“I do Nick. What time do you need up? I’ll make sure to set the alarm.”
“My meeting is at noon. Wake me up at eleven.” He placed a kiss on my cheek and disappeared into my room.
“So, did you have a good time?” I asked Anna.
“The best. Nick is so much fun. Damn he’s hot and knows how to move. Well I’m off to bed. Nite-nite.” Anna waved and floated to her room.
I looked at Brian and noticed her shoes were next to his legs. I grabbed them and chucked them across the floor. For some reason Nick and Anna’s attitude rubbed me the wrong way. It was probably because they woke up me.
I grabbed a blanket off the back of the couch and covered Brian. He looked adorable sleeping on my couch. I grabbed another blanket for myself and plopped myself down on the loveseat.
The ringing of my alarm woke me up. It was six o’clock. I guess I had forgotten to change it since it was my day off. I sat up trying to wake up. Brian had disappeared.
My back was sore. I stood up and stretched. I headed into the kitchen where I smelled hot coffee. I poured myself a huge cup and went out on the deck. Brian was sitting on the steps staring at the ocean. I plopped down beside him.
“Mornin’ Stinky Bananachunks.” Brian teased.
“Well good morning to you, Lumpy Liversniffer.” I joked back. “I can’t believe you still call me that.”
“I think it fits you perfect. I can’t believe I’ve read every Captain Underpants book at least ten times.” He sipped his coffee. “Did you sleep well?”
“As best I could. That loveseat is uncomfortable. My back is aching.” I complained.
“Here let me give you a massage.” He started wiggling his fingers. “Let me use my enchanted digits to make you feel good.” Brian said suggestively. I just laughed at him as I moved to the step in front of him.
I sat there for a few minutes waiting for Brian to work the kinks out. “I’m waiting Brian. I thought you were going to work your magic on me.”
“I was just warming up my hands.” His voice deepened as I leaned back. “You need to take your shirt off.”
“You dirty man. If my mom heard you, she wouldn’t let you come over and play. Trying to seduce her daughter, shame on you.” We both laughed.
I took off Brian’s sweatshirt. I was left in my sports bra. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. Nah, Brian was like a brother to me. He has seen me in less at the beach.
Brian started kneading my back. His hands were working wonderful on my back. He put the right amount of pressure on my body. I started to relax. “Mmm, Bri. That feels so good.” I couldn’t help but moan in pleasure.
“I almost went back inside the house when I heard you moaning.” Nick sauntered out. “Then I realized it was you and Brian out here. I knew there was no hot monkey sex going on.”
“You’re so funny, man.” Brian commented dryly. I grabbed the sweatshirt and hurried to cover myself up.
I got up and walked over to Nick. “I thought you would still be asleep nursing your hangover.”
He took my cup and took a drink of my coffee. “Yummy. Actually I’m feeling pretty good. I wasn’t that drunk last night, Alexia.”
“Okay. Whatever you say Nick.” I started to go back in the house. “I’m off to get a shower. If the kids wake up, just give them some breakfast. I should be back in twenty minutes.”
“Can I join you?” Nick commented with a laugh. If he was serious, I would have taken him up on the offer. Once again, it was a secret I had to keep to myself.
“In your dreams Carter.” With that I went inside.
The kids were eating breakfast with Brian and Nick when, I walked into the kitchen. Of course it was loud and messy in the kitchen. The guys decided to make pancakes.
“Good morning Alisa. Good morning Ian.” I gave them both a kiss. Ian wrapped his arms around me and gave me a sticky kiss. “You two boys will clean up the kitchen before you leave.”
“You know we have pancakes when you come to your house Aunt Lexi. Nick was just brave enough to make them without you.” Alisa stated matter-of- factly. “Brian made sure to watch over him so he didn’t burn down the house.”
“Well that was nice of Brian.” I sat down and placed a stack of pancakes on my plate. “Are these safe to eat?” I asked Brian. Nick stuck his tongue out at me. If he only knew what that did to my insides.
“You won’t die, though you might have some indigestion.” He wisecracked.
“Thanks a lot guys. Ian and Alisa aren’t they delicious?”
“They are so wicious.” Ian answered with his mouth full.
“Lex, do you have any Advil or Tylenol. My head is killing me.” Anna walked in wearing her rumpled dress from the night before.
“Who’s that?” Alisa asked.
“In the medicine cabinet.” I answered. “Lis, that is Anna. She’s Brian’s sister.”
“Oh.” She went back to eating.
“Good Morning McLeans and company.” AJ screamed as he walked into the house.
“We’re in the kitchen daddy!” Alisa yelled. Anna gave her a dirty look. I don’t think she was fond of children, especially when she had a hangover.
AJ and Bella walked in and gave their kids hugs and kisses. They sat down.
“Fine, don’t say hello to me.” Anna pouted.
“Hey Anna. It’s been a long time.” AJ got up and gave her a hug. “You’re looking beautiful as always. Glad your back.”
“You’re being nice to me. I’m ready to trade insults with you, baldy.” She teased.
“He’s grown into a big softie since he’s had kids. By the way, I’m Isabella, AJ’s wife.” Bella stood up to shake hands with Anna.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you. You’re more beautiful in person. I’m Annalise, but call me Anna.” She smiled. “Well I’m going to go freshen up. See y’all later.”
With that Anna was gone. I didn’t remember her being so flighty. Maybe I was imagining things. I’m sure it was because of her hangover. Things just seemed different with Anna. I know I’ve only spent about four hours with her. I just wanted things to be the way the used to be with everyone getting along.
“So, can I bum a ride to the meeting with one of you?” AJ asked the guys.
“Sure. You need a ride home, too.” Brian asked.
“Of course, he does Brian. I plan on spending the day with Lexi and the kids shopping.” Bella smiled. “I’m going to get the kids dressed.”
The guys continued to chat, while I cleaned up the kitchen. I didn’t mind cleaning up their mess. It gave me time to watch Nick without him knowing it. He was everything I wanted in a man. It was too bad that he only saw me as a friend.
Why Are We Still Friends?
Shopping with Bella and the kids was exhausting. I thought my brother could shop, but she beat him ten times over. We stopped at Petite Pastries for a snack. The kids were eating cupcakes and looking at the books I had bought them. Bella and I sat drinking coffee and eating the most delicious cupcakes.
“Lexi can I ask you a question?” My sister-in-law asked casually.
Usually when someone asked you that; it wasn’t a good thing. I was a little apprehensive. “Okay.” I pushed my hair behind my ear.
“What’s going on with Nick?” She said softly.
“What do you mean?” I asked back in confusion. I had to pretend to be clueless. There was no way I wanted anyone to know I was in love with Nick, well except Nick.
She started wiping the frosting off of Ian’s face. “I’m just getting a vibe from you that you like Nick as more than friends.”
“Me….like Nick in that way?” I started to laugh. “He’s my best friend. It would be weird thinking of him in that way.”
Bella gave me a look like she didn’t believe me. Was I that transparent when it came to Nick? I thought I was doing a great job at hiding my feelings for him. If Bella could see it, who else could?
“Lexi, you can trust me. I’m not going to share you secrets with anyone.” I stared at her. “I’ll share a secret with you.”
I nodded as I sipped my coffee. I was glad to have something that kept me busy. I wasn’t one for keeping secrets, well except my own.
“Your brother wasn’t the first Backstreet Boy of my dreams.”
“AJ and I were nothing alike when we first met. We still aren’t. I was a secretary at the recording studio where they were recording Black and Blue. All the guys were nice, but my attention was on Kevin.”
“Really, Kevin?” I laughed, picturing Bella and Kevin together.
“Yes.” Bella looked embarrassed. “Kevin had everything I thought I wanted in a man. Your brother was hot, but so not my type.”
“So how did you end up with my brother? I’ve asked him a million times, and he wouldn’t tell me.”
Bella thought for moment before she spoke. I was excited to find out the big secret my brother was hiding. “This is the most humiliating story. One day at the studio, I had to use the bathroom. I wasn’t paying attention and just opened the door. Your brother was in the middle of taking a piss. I was mortified.”
“I can just imagine. What did AJ do?” My curiosity got the best of me.
“When he walked out I was leaning against the wall with my eyes shut. I was mortified knowing I saw a client’s penis. I figured your brother would say something and I’d get fired.”
“I’m guessing that didn’t happen.” I beamed. AJ and Bella was a beautiful couple.
“Nope. The next thing I feel is a pair of smooth lips on mine. I opened my eyes and stared into your brother’s brown ones. It was a simple kiss, but it did me in.”
“That’s sweet and romantic. I can’t believe you fell for him because of his penis.” I whispered, not wanting to draw attention to our conversation.
“It wasn’t because of that.” She tsked at me. “That kiss was like nothing I ever experienced. I ended up inviting him to my place for dinner.”
“I’m sure that’s all you did.” I giggled. I loved spending time with my sister-in-law. We always had fun, but this was the first time we were sharing secrets.
“Well we never did eat dinner that night. Alex and I didn’t make it past the living room.” Bella smiled at the memory.
I was grossed out. “Spare me the details of your sex life. I don’t want to picture my brother naked, doing that.”
“Geesh, everyone has sex.” She laughed and took the last bite of her cupcake.
“It’s been a while for me.” I coughed out.
“Lexi, why don’t you have boyfriend? You’re young and should have a hot sex life.”
I looked at Bella. I decided to trust her and tell the truth. I could feel a sense of relief run through my body. It would be nice to have someone to talk about this with. “I’m in love with Nick.” I whispered.
“Lexi, so why aren’t the two of you dating? You make a cute pair.”
“I don’t think he sees me in that way. I’m not a woman; I’m just his best friend.” I played with my spoon.
“Have you ever tried to show him that you could be the woman of his dreams?”
Damn Bella was right, I hadn’t done anything to make Nick notice me. He would always think we were just best friends instead of taking our friendship to the next level. “No. Bella, I don’t know what to do to get him to notice me in that way.”
“That’s the first thing we need to do is get him realize you’re a beautiful woman that deserves to be loved. Hold on.” She picked up her phone and started talking.
I thought about it, and didn’t think there was much I could do except just jump him. He’s seen me in all different clothing from barely there bikinis to beautiful gowns. I could flirt with him, but I was horrible at flirting. I just wasn’t Nick’s type.
“Lexi, you want to go out tonight. The guys want to go to dinner and then dancing tonight.” Bella asked.
“Who’s going to watch the kids?”
“I can watch them since we’re closer to my house.” I suggested. It wasn’t that I didn’t like hanging out with everyone. I just wasn’t the type to go out in big crowds. I preferred staying at home, cooking dinner, and watching movies. I was such a wallflower.
“You’re not getting out of this. You are going out tonight, and you are going to get Nick to notice you. Let’s go find you a new outfit for tonight.”
As soon as we got back to the McLean house, Bella made it her mission to make me over. I wasn’t sure this was a good idea, but I didn’t want to hurt her feelings. She curled my hair and did my makeup. When I looked in the mirror I didn’t recognize myself.
“You’re going to knock him dead tonight.” Bella announced as I put my red spaghetti strapped animal print dress on.
Before I could answer, I heard a low whistle. I turned around and saw my brother standing in the doorway. “Where is my sister?”
I blushed. “Shut up, Alex. I’m right here.” Bella handed me my black stilettos and I started putting them on.
“Damn, girl you look beautiful. You’re going to be dancing all night. All the guys at the club will be fighting for a dance with you.”
“I seriously doubt it.” I only wanted to dance with one man. The thing was I didn’t want it to be on the dance floor. A little mattress dancing with Nick and my life would be complete.
My brother chose to ignore my comment. He started kissing his wife. I wanted to have a relationship like they did. I gave them some privacy and made my way downstairs.
“Oh, wow! You…you…you look…um absolutely stunning, Lexi.” Brian stuttered, but managed to get out the words.
“Thanks, Brian.” I wasn’t sure he meant it, since he could barely get the words out.
Brian abruptly sat down. He looked flustered. “Are you okay, Bri? You seem a little agitated.”
“I’m fine Lex. It’s just a little hot in here.” He fanned himself with a magazine. Brian was acting weird, but I chose to ignore it.
“So you two ready to head out?” AJ smiled at us.
“Yes, are we all riding together?” I grabbed my purse.
“Why don’t you and Brian ride together? I need to drop something off at mom’s. No need for us all to be late.”
I noticed Bella giving AJ a strange look. This whole night was beginning to get weird. Maybe because I was nervous, I noticed things that weren’t normal.
“Sounds good. Let’s go Lexi. We’ll see you at the restaurant.”
Brian was a gentleman as always. He held the door open for me when I got in the car. The drive to the restaurant was quiet. Neither of us was talking.
“Is everything okay, Brian? You’re so quiet tonight.” I asked as I watched him drive. Usually he talked nonstop to me.
“I’m fine. Just have some things on my mind.” His hand moved to my shoulder and he gave it a friendly squeeze.
“Does it have to do with Anna?”
“Yes and no.” He pulled into the restaurant. “I know that I should be happy Annalise is back, but I’m not. It’s hard seeing her again after all these years.”
“Give it time. It’s okay to feel that way you do. Do you want to make amends with her?” The falling out between Brian and Anna was rough. I knew it would be hard for them to reconcile. I hoped they would come together and resolve their issues.
“Lex, I know I should, but right now I don’t want anything to do with her. It’s like the cut has been reopened and the blood is draining out of me.”
I took Brian’s hand and gave it a squeeze. “Just give it time.” I whispered.
“Enough with the depressing talk. Let’s go have some fun. Remember you owe me a dance before all those other guys sweep you off your feet.” He teased.
“You can have the first one.” I giggled.
Why Are We Still Friends?
Howie and his fiancé were already sitting at the table waiting for everyone. Backstreet time ruled our personal lives, too. Brian and I made our way to the table. He pulled my chair out for me and I sat down.
“Hello Howie. Hello Marlinda.”
“You look beautiful, Lexi.” No matter what I looked like Howie always said I was beautiful.
“Thanks. You’re always the charmer.” I laughed. Howie was a great guy. Marlinda was lucky to have him. He treats her and her children like gold.
“He is, isn’t he?” Marlinda smiled and rubbed her pregnant tummy.
Bella and AJ appeared next. Everyone was chatting quietly. Howie had his arm wrapped around Marlinda’s shoulders. AJ and Bella were holding hands and kissing each other every chance they got. It was uncomfortable sitting here with Brian watching the happy couples.
“You want to go to the bar and get a drink?” I whispered to him.
“Sure, let’s get away from these lovebirds.”
As soon as I stood up and turned around, I almost bumped into Nick who was standing there hand in hand with Anna. They looked really cozy with one another. She had a big smile on her face.
“Lookin’ hot Lexi.” He said and pulled Anna to the last remaining seats.
I didn’t even wait for Brian to follow me. I needed a drink. As I waited for my drink, Brian walked over to me.
“Are you okay, Lex?” Brian asked as he we waited for our beers.
“I’m fine. Why?” I lied. There was no way I could tell Brian the truth. I was jealous of Anna. She was gorgeous and gaining all the attention of my best friend. She always got whatever she wanted. I had no reason to be jealous. For all I knew nothing was going on between them. Anna had only been in Florida since yesterday. I needed to get a grip.
“You just left abruptly.” Brian moved closer to me.
“I was thirsty.” I joked. He laughed at my comment. We took our drinks and went back to the table. “I thought you were behind me.”
Anna and Nick were in their own little world. She was whispering something in his ear. It must have been funny because he started to laugh.
“So Anna what did you do today?” I asked curiously. She was still getting ready when I left for the day.
“I lounged around for a while. Then I spent a few hours working out and getting beautiful for tonight.” I noticed the look Nick gave her.
This was going to be a long night. I wasn’t prepared for this. It seemed like Nick was infatuated with Anna. Maybe it was all in my head, but my gut feeling was there was something between them. I was hoping that Nick would have given me more than a quick glance tonight. There was no way I could compare with Anna. I should have stayed home tonight.
When we got to the club, AJ pulled Bella on the dance floor. Nick and Anna went to the bar. Brian, Howie and Marlinda were having a conversation about music. I sat observing Nick and Anna.
She was always touching him. He gave Anna her drink and she placed a kiss on his lips. I knew that Anna was a flirt, but she had never shown an interest in Nick when we were younger. Yes, he was handsome but so not her type.
“Lexi, let’s go to the bathroom.” Anna grabbed me as soon as she got to the table. I had no choice but to follow her.
Anna stood by in front of the mirror playing with her hair. “Oh my fucking god, Nick is just so damn hot.”
I didn’t know how to respond. He must have been charming the panties off of her. “You two seem to be hitting it off.” I said casually.
“Yea, I never thought I’d have impure thoughts about Nickolas Carter. I had so much fun with him last night.” Anna started fixing her lipstick.
“I’m sure, but please spare me any dirty details.” I attempted to laugh, but I felt sick in the pit of my stomach.
“Come on Lexi, you aren’t still shy about sex. When’s the last time you got laid?” She stared at me.
I wasn’t one to discuss my sex life with others. It was personal. Anna was the exact opposite. She was an open book from the very first blow job she ever gave. Over the years I have gotten all my sexual information from her.
“It’s been a while.” My face turned red with embarrassment. Anna was a sexual goddess, whereas I still was novice. I didn’t just sleep with anyone. It had to mean something.
“Oh, Christ Alexia, that means you haven’t had a good fuck since you dated JD. I hope you have been using a vibrator.”
“You don’t need to worry about it, Annalise. I’m perfectly happy with my life.” I said sharply.
“Oh, okay. Calm down girl. I think you need laid tonight. I’ll help you find a hot guy.” She smiled at me. Anna thought she was being funny, but I was disgusted.
“Just stop. Leave my love life alone and worry about yours.” I excused myself from the bathroom.
As I walked back to the table, I counted to ten slowly in my head. I wanted to be composed when I returned. On the inside I was pissed, but my face looked happy.
“Hey Nick, you wanna dance.” I asked him. “Our favorite song is playing.”
Before Nick had a chance to responded, Anna came over and pulled him to the dance floor. I couldn’t believe he followed her. Everyone stared at me. “I’ll be outside getting some air.” With that I left.
The hot August air didn’t make me feel any better. Nick had hurt my feelings tonight. I wasn’t use to him blatantly ignoring me. I hope he was trying to make Anna feel welcomed and not doing it on purpose.
Why did I feel like I was in junior high? I was jealous that Anna was getting all of his attention. Then when Nick dissed me I ran like a little girl. I sat on the wall by the club.
“Lexi, are you okay?” Bella walked over and sat beside me.
“I’m fine.” I slipped off my uncomfortable heels.
“You can’t lie to me. I see the way Nick’s treating you.”
“He’s just trying to be nice to Annalise. I haven’t hung around with her yet. Plus since her and Brian don’t get along, Nick is trying to be her friend.” I answered politely.
“Lexi, stop being so nice. Nick has been an ass to you all night. He didn’t even talk to you at dinner. He was so wrapped up in the bimbo. You’re his best friend. You don’t deserve to be treated that way.” Bella was fired up.
“She’s Brian’s sister and my best friend. I don’t think Anna or Nick would intentionally upset me. She’s adjusting to being back. He’s just trying to make her feel at home.” It had to be that, right? I didn’t think Nick was attracted to her. She wasn’t his normal type.
“Stop making excuses for him. Nick’s been a jerk all night. You don’t deserve to be treated that way. Lexi, you’re the nicest girl, but don’t let Anna or Nick walk all over you. You deserve to be treated with respect by your friends.”
I sighed. I knew Bella was telling the truth. It just hurt a lot to be treated that way by Nick. “I think I might just go home. I’m not in the best mood.”
“Why don’t you stick around for a little while? AJ and I plan on leaving in about an hour or so. Plus Brian’s being looking for you. He said you owed him a dance.”
That put a smile on my face. Brian was always a good friend, especially these last few years. “Oh, yes. I did promise him a dance.”
When we went back inside the club I found Brian sitting all by himself. Everyone was dancing, except AJ. He grabbed his wife and they made their way onto the dance floor.
“Hey Bri.” He looked at me. “I promised you a dance.”
“Yes, you did. I thought you forgot about me.” His eyes flashed with mischief. “I’ve been waiting all night and had to turn down at least two hundred women.”
“Really? Only two hundred. Your looks and charm must be slipping. I remember back in the day when you had to fight off at least a thousand horny women.”
We started walking towards the crowd. Brian grabbed my hand. “What’s with you and the word horny? You’ve been using it a lot, young lady.”
“I guess I need punished.” I laughed.
A slow song came on, and Brian pulled me close to his body. There was like two inches separating our bodies. We swayed to the music. I pressed my head to his shoulder as I watched Nick and Anna dance. They were lost in the music. I saw Nick move his head down and give Anna a kiss. I closed my eyes, but I could see that kiss in my head.
“Are you okay, Lex? Your body got tense all of a sudden.”
“Brian.” I whispered. “I’m not feeling well. I think I want to go home.”
“Let me take you.” He said softly as he placed a tendril behind my ear.
“It’s out of the way. I’ll just get a cab. Thanks for offering.” I just wanted to be alone.
“Lexi, I’ll take you home. Go tell you brother you’re leaving.”
I noticed that my brother and Bella were sitting at the table. “What’s up Lex? You having a good time?” AJ asked with a cheesy grin. He was too happy tonight.
“I’m a little under the weather. Brian’s going to take me home.”
He gave me a hug. “Feel better.”
“I know why you’re leaving. I’m sorry you had to see that.” Bella whispered in my ear.”
“Nothing I can do about. I just need to get away from it. Night.” With that I walked away.
AJ and Bella sat at the table for a while talking to their friends. It was getting late and everyone was getting tired, with the exception of Nick and Anna. They were busy making out.
“Well AJ, it’s getting late. Let’s go home.” Bella said goodnight to everyone. When she got to Nick, she pulled him in for a hug and whispered in his ear. "You're just a giant douche, you know that?" Then she walked away. No one messed with her family.
Why Are We Still Friends?
I sat in the cafeteria at work waiting for Nick to show up. We were having our weekly lunch together. Apparently, he was running late. Ever since Anna came back, Nick’s attitude had changed.
I started eating my lunch. I only had twenty of my thirty minutes left.
“Sorry, I’m late. I got stuck in traffic.” Nick sat down across from me. I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt.
“No problem. Are you going to eat?”
“I’ll steal some of your food.” He took a strawberry off my spinach salad.
“So, what’s new? I’ve hardly seen you this week.” I pushed my plate of broccoli at him.
“That’s cause you’re always working and going to school. You’re the busy one.” He teased as he started eating.
“I guess I am.” I laughed. “So tell me how exciting your life is. I need to live vicariously through you.”
“Ha ha. It’s a good thing I like you.” He grabbed my milk and took a swig. “I’ve been showing Anna around and relaxing.”
“Sounds like you and Anna are getting along great.” I commented quietly. I wasn’t thrilled with the idea of them spending so much time together.
“Yeah. She’s a lot of fun. I used to think she was annoying back when we were teenagers.” He laughed.
I looked at him before I spoke. “That’s because she didn’t have boobs like she does now.” I commented sarcastically. Nick really seemed to like women with big breasts.
“Maybe you should go get some, Lexi.” Nick wiggled his eyes suggestively at me.
“So you can ogle them and have a free pass on touching them?” I questioned. Hell, I would let him touch my breasts if he wanted. All he had to do was ask.
“Of course. Isn’t that what best friends are for?” He smirked at me. “If I can get free titty fucks anytime I want, I’m all for it.”
I pushed Nick away from me. “You’re a perv, Nickolas. I see why you can’t get a girlfriend.”
“You know that you love me, Alexia Lillian.” More than he ever knew. If only he would look at me like he did other women. I was just a friend, and not a woman. I could stand naked in front of him, and Nick wouldn’t bat an eyelash. That’s how oblivious he was to me.
“Well, someone’s got to tolerate your bullshit.” I looked at my watch. I needed to be back to my station in eight minutes. “Nick, you want to walk me back to my floor. I’m sure the nurses would love a visit from you.”
“Oh I see how it is. Using my fame to gain friends.”
I leaned in and whispered in his ear. “Brian gets the nurses all hot and bothered. You’re our comic relief, stud.”
“That’s mean. There’s no way Brian’s got the swagger I do.”
“You keep thinking that.” I stood up. “I got to go. I’ll see you later.”
I was exhausted when I got home from work. I changed into my running shorts and a tank top. I needed to release my stress and a run on the beach would make me feel more relaxed.
I grabbed my iPod, as Nick and Anna walked into the living room. She was wearing a Nick’s shirt and he was in his boxers. Nick’s hair was all over the place. Anna had the biggest grin on her face. At that moment I hated them both.
I waved at them and got the hell out of the house. I wanted to break whatever I could get my hands on at the moment. I couldn’t believe they were sleeping together. Anna was here for four days and already made a move on Nick. Life was so unfair.
I started running down the beach. Usually a good run made me feel better, but not this time. I couldn’t contain my anger or the fact that my heart was breaking. Once I finished my run, I didn’t feel any better.
Nick’s car was gone, so it was safe to go back inside. Anna was sitting in the kitchen drinking a glass of wine with the biggest smile on her face.
“Hey Anna.” I said casually. I didn’t want her knowing how pissed I was at the moment.
“Hello Alexia.” She smiled at me. “I apologize for you seeing me with Nicky earlier.”
“Umm it’s okay. I was just surprised. I didn’t realize you two were a couple. You just moved down here.” I hoped my voice sounded calm. Inside I was seething. I was trying to control my temper at the moment.
“This isn’t the fifties. People have sex just to have sex. Nick and I aren’t in a relationship. Neither of us wants one. We just like fucking each other.”
“Oh.” What else could I say? I didn’t think Nick was that kind of man. Sure, he dated a lot of women, and in the past he had a few one night stands. Nick was older and more mature. Damn, I was a fool living in a dream world. Maybe, I was in a different time era with my old fashion point of view on relationships.
“I can tell you are shocked. Lexi, Nick is a man. He’ll take it any way he can. The thing is, he needs a woman who can handle his sexual needs. Lexi, you’re my best friend, but you couldn’t handle Nick in the bedroom.” Anna stood up and placed her glass in the sink.
I stared at her for a few minutes, trying to compose my thoughts. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Yeah, that was real lame. She would see right through me.
“Don’t make me laugh. I know you have the hots for Nick. It’s written all over your pretty face every time he’s around.” Anna cackled. I was really beginning to get upset with her. “Let’s face it; Nick doesn’t want a beginner when it comes to sex. He wants a woman who knows how to please and please him well. You’re practically a virgin. Sure you have a tight pussy, but that’s about it.”
“I thought you were my best friend.” My tears started to fall.
“Why do you think I’m telling you this? I don’t want you wasting all your time on a man who’s never going to like you in a sexual way. I’m doing this for your own good.” Anna walked over to me. I scooted away from her.
“I didn’t ask for your help.” I took a bottle of water from the fridge. “Ever since you came back, you’ve been a bitch. You’re not the person I thought you were.”
“Lexi, Lexi. People change. I hope I’m not the same girl I was ten years ago. That Anna was inexperienced. I’ve learned a lot over the years. It’s a shame you are still little miss innocent after all these years. No wonder you can’t get Nick.”
“I don’t deserve to stand here listening to you. So what I’m not a slut who sleeps around. I’m proud of who I am. I have a great career, good friends, and I’m happy. Just because you are a miserable bitch who has nothing to offer except her fake tits and pussy, doesn’t mean I need to be that way. I’ll have you know that I’ve slept with my fair share of men, but my sex life is none of your business.” Shocked at what I said, I ran to my room.
This was not good. I didn’t want to fight with my best friend. Anna provoked me, and I took the bait. It always happened even when we were teenagers. This time was worse because she brought Nick into it.
What if she told Nick I had the hots for him? I would never live it down. Anna wasn’t good at keeping secrets. I’m sure in time it would slip out, and Nick would know the truth. How could I deny it? I was always honest with Nick, well except for this one secret. I was afraid of what was going to happen once he found out.
Why Are We Still Friends
After a restless night, I walked into the kitchen. Anna was sitting at the island. I poured myself a cup of coffee. I was going to need the caffeine for my long day.
“Annalise, look I don’t want to fight with you.” I said trying to keep the peace.
“I didn’t think you would get so defensive about me trying to help you.” Anna said sweetly.
“I didn’t know I was asking you for advice.” I grabbed a banana and sat down at the island.
“Alexia, I was just trying to help. From my perspective you can’t keep pining for a man that has no interest in you.” She said sweetly.
“Nick is my best friend.”
“Yeah, and he sees you as one of the guys. You’re never going to be a woman in his eyes.” I never realized how rude Anna was until today. Was she purposely trying to hurt my feelings?
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I wasn’t looking forward to her answer. I sipped my coffee and asked God for strength.
“You’re the same girl you were when I left. Everything about you is the same. Plus look at what you are wearing. Who wears scrubs with Donald Duck on them?” Anna pointed at my shirt. “No man wants a woman who doesn’t try to look beautiful. You have so much potential, but you don’t care about your looks.”
“For your information, these are my work clothes. I actually work and earn a living. I do take care of myself. I’m sorry I’m not like you with fake boobs, no personality, and lack of ambition. You have no right to judge me. I may not be as sexy and sophisticated as you, but I don’t use sex to get a guy.” I slammed my cup into the sink causing it to break into pieces.
“That was low, Alexia.” Anna glared at me.
“Like what you said to me wasn’t.” I grabbed my purse.
“I was only trying to help. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.” She said innocently. I wasn’t buying her act today.
“But you did. Please stay out of my personal life.” I said harshly. I was shocked at my attitude. Usually I didn’t snap at people. I forced myself to calm down. “Look, let’s talk about this tonight. I need to get to work. I’ll be home around nine. I have class tonight.” Then I walked out.
“Good morning, Nurse Lexi.” Timothy said with a smile when I walked into his room.
“Hello Timmy. How are you today?” I fluffed his pillow before I started checking his vitals.
“I’m bored.” He pushed his video controller aside.
“Well, I guess I came at the right time.” Brian walked in with the goofiest grin on his face.
“Brian, I’m so glad to see you.” The ten year old said excitedly. “Can we play the new game I got?”
“Of course we can, Timbo.” He gave Timothy a high five. “Let me talk to Lexi for a minute. Then you can beat me at your game.”
I finished up and Brian followed me into the hall. “Is everything okay Lexi.” He placed a hand on my shoulder.
“I’m fine Brian. Why would anything be wrong?” I pretended to act like everything was okay.
“You’re eyes are the window to your soul.” He stared at my brown eyes intently. A little too intently for my taste.
I pushed his hand away. “Geesh, Brian that was so lame.”
“It’s true. You’re eyes speak volumes. The things I’ve learned about you without you telling me came from those beautiful chocolate orbs.” He said seriously. He was starting to freak me out. I’m sure it was my lack of sleep making my mind fuzzy.
“Brian, I don’t have time to get into it now. I have class tonight. Maybe we can talk about it tomorrow.” I played with my stethoscope nervously.
“What time do you get off?” He leaned against the wall.
“I finish at five. Why?”
“And your class starts at six thirty.” I nodded my head at him. “I’ll meet you in the cafeteria and we can talk.” He gave me a kiss on the cheek and disappeared into Timothy’s room.
“Alexia, could I speak to you in my office?” Olympia the head nurse asked with no emotion. I hope it wasn’t because I was talking to Brian and he kissed me during work hours. “Take a seat.”
I sat down and waited for Olympia to speak. I was nervous about being called into her office. I kept trying to figure out what I did wrong.
“Alexia, relax.” Olympia smiled at me. It was funny how everyone was able to read me today. “I just wanted to go over your review for the year. I’m very satisfied with your performance. You have shown great leadership on the floor.”
“Thanks.” I didn’t know what else to say.
“Lydia will be moving in a few weeks. Her husband got a new job, and they are moving to Kansas.” She shuffled some papers. “After talking with the doctors and the head of nursing for the hospital, we would like to offer you the position of charge nurse.”
I was flabbergasted. There were so many nurses on my floor that had more experience than me. “Are you for real?”
Olympia smiled at me. “I’m for real. You have always gone above and beyond since you started working. Plus you do so much for this hospital. There aren’t many nurses who volunteer to teach classes and work with parents. This also comes with an increase in pay. Your pay will be eighty thousands a year.”
“Wow. I’m honored to be offered this position. When do I need to let you know I accept the job?”
“You can take a few days and think about.”
“I already know my answer. I accept the position.” I couldn’t stop smiling.
“I’ll have your contract ready for you to sign tomorrow.”
Brian was sitting at a table with a smorgasbord of junk food. I sat down and started eating fries. “You’re in a better mood, Tiger Lilly.”
“You haven’t called me that in forever, Peter Pan.” I couldn’t help laughing.
“Yes, but that day was so much fun.” He stole an onion ring from my hand.
“Oh yeah, it was so fun watching Nick, Anna, and AJ with their dates all day. I love being single.” I took my onion ring back.
“But you got to ride all those dark rides with me. Peter Pan’s Flight was my favorite.” Brian smiled at me. He had the most infectious smile.
“Yeah because you tried to get fresh with me. You were a dirty boy back then.” I teased him. I had to be like seventeen at the time and Brian was way older.
“Well you had those cute braids in your hair. How could I resist?” He flicked his straw paper at me. “For all you know, I could be a dirty man. Why don’t we go to Disney and take a ride on Peter Pan’s Flight and see what happens?” Brian joked.
“Brian Thomas Littrell, I can’t believe you said that. I’m going to tell my mom on you. I don’t get fresh on the first date. I’m not that kind of girl.” I said in mock horror.
“Figures.” We both started laughing. “So what’s got you so giddy? You looked upset earlier and now you’re full of smiles.”
“You are looking at the new charge nurse of the cardiac care floor.” I beamed. I couldn’t help it. I was so excited.
Brian pulled my close to him in a hug and placed a kiss on my lips. “Congrats, Tiger Lily. I’m so happy for you!”
“Thanks Peter Pan.”
“You know I’m going to have to take you out to celebrate.”
“That would be nice, but you don’t have to.” I got shy all of a sudden. I don’t know what was wrong with me. I needed to get my emotions in check.
“Well don’t make plans for your next night off. I’m taking a charge nurse to dinner.” We both got quiet. “So what was wrong earlier?”
“Anna and I had a disagreement.” I played with my food.
“You want to talk about it?” Brian placed his hand on mine.
“Not really. We both said things we didn’t mean. It will blow over. It always does.” I was hurt from the things Anna had said about me, but I didn’t want to talk about her to Brian. It was hard for him when it came to his sister. I wish they could go back to the ways things were before she left, but so much time had passed. I don’t know if things were able to be worked out.
“I’m sorry that Anna was rude to you. She doesn’t think before she speaks.”
“Brian are you ever going to try to make amends with her?” I finally had the courage to ask him.
“Lex, it’s hard. I want my sister back, but I don’t know how fix things.” Brian looked despondent. My heart was aching for him. I don’t know what I would do without my brother. I knew this was hard on Brian. We had talked about it before, but it was different now that she was back.
“Just try talking to Anna. She may ignore you at first, but eventually she’ll come around. Annalise likes to act tougher than what she is.”
“I’ll try, Lexi. I promise. It might take me a while, but I’m going to take the first step.”
“Brian, that’s all you can do.” I looked at my watch. “I hate to do this, but I need to get to class. Thanks for dinner.” I reached over and planted a kiss on his cheek.
“Anytime, Tiger Lily. I’ll call you about dinner.”
“See ya, Peter. I’ll be waiting.”
Why Are We Still Friends
I was drained when I returned home from my long day. I had all intentions of talking to Annalise, but Nick’s car was parked in the driveway. It was dark in house except for the kitchen. Maybe it was best if I didn’t go inside. Who knows what was going on? Wait this was my house; no one was going to stop me from going inside.
I slipped off my shoes and padded into the kitchen. Nick was looking out the sliding glass windows. “Hello, Nick.” I said softly.
“Oh.” He turned to look at me. “What’s up Lexi?”
“Just tired from work and school. What’s up with you?” I leaned against the counter.
“Nothing. Can’t a guy just visit his best friend?” Nick shrugged.
“We haven’t talked since Anna came back.” I wanted to add that he forgot about me, but I didn’t.
“Yeah, about that.” He stared at his shoes. “Are you okay with me and her, you know?”
“I just want you to be happy. I thought you were looking for someone to settle down with.”
“I am, but I’m lonely.” He remarked bitterly.
“Nick, it takes time to find the right woman. I don’t think sleeping with Anna is going to help you find the woman of your dreams.” Why couldn’t I tell him what I was feeling? What would he do if I reached over and kissed him? I couldn’t do that. I wasn’t that type of girl.
“I’m tired of waiting. I’ve been single for over a year now, and I can’t find one decent woman in this whole fucking world.” His voice rose.
“But where is Anna tonight?” I was getting annoyed with this little pity party of his.
“She planned to come over my house, but never showed up or answered my texts. So, I came over here to check on her.”
“Well apparently she’s not here.” I was frustrated.
“There’s no need to raise your voice.” Nick stared at me in disbelief.
“You’ve ignored me since Anna came back. She’s been here five days and you’ve slept with her on three of those days. Why should I be mad? Let me throw a party.”
Nick walked over to me and attempted to give me a hug. “Lexi, you sound a little jealous to me. I’m not used to that Lexi. You’ve always shared me before.”
“Well I don’t trust Anna.” Shit, I didn’t want that slipping out.
Nick wrapped his long arms around my waist and pulled me closer. I could smell the alcohol on his breath. “How much have you had to drink?”
“Just a few shots of Jack and a couple of beers.” Nick backed me up against the fridge. “Just needed a buzz.”
Nick’s face moved down toward mine. I wanted to feel his lips on mine, but I wasn’t so sure of it at the moment. He was almost drunk and wouldn’t remember it in the morning. What if this was my only chance to kiss him?
His lips barely grazed mine as he closed the space between us. I swallowed nervously. This is what I wanted, wasn’t it? Nick’s lips gently covered mine. It was everything I had imagined a kiss with Nick to be. It was soft and gentle, yet sexy and confident.
My body was into it, but my mind kept thinking that this wasn’t right. He was sleeping with Anna. If she caught me and Nick, she’d tell him everything. I’d lose my best friends. Plus I don’t think he was kissing me because he wanted me. Nick was drunk and very horny from the erection in his pants. I pushed him away. Nick looked at me like I was crazy. I did the only thing I knew; I ran.
The sand was cold on my feet. I jumped when the waves hit my feet. It was like a shock of reality.
“Lexi, get your ass back in the house.” Nick yelled from the porch. I wanted to ignore him, but he was going to wake up the neighbors. I jogged back up to the house. “Why did you run away?” He asked softly.
“Maybe it’s not such a good idea. We’re best friends. What if it ruins our friendship?” It would kill me not to be friends with Nick.
“Haven’t you ever heard of friends with benefits? Sex doesn’t have to ruin a friendship; it can just make it better.” He wiggled his hips at me.
Something didn’t feel right about this. Against my better judgment, I let Nick talk me into it. I pulled my shirt over my head, exposing my cleavage. Nick smiled and licked his lips. He was such a boob man. Apparently he liked all shapes and sizes because I was small compared to most women he dated.
“Damn, Lexi.” He let out a low whistle. “Your breasts are beautiful, let’s free them.” Nick unclasped my bra and let it fall to the floor. For the first time I felt exposed. “They are absolutely, fucking gorgeous.” He took one in each hand.
“I love how they fit in my hands.” His mouth was on mine. Nick’s tongue probed my lips asking for entrance. I granted permission by opening my mouth. Our tongues swirled together as his fingers thumbed my nipples. I could feel myself getting wet. Nick sucked on my tongue for a few minutes. I never had a man kiss me like Nick.
“Let’s take this to my room.”
He continued kissing me and sucking on my neck as we inched our way to my bedroom. Nick closed the door by pushing my body against it. “Lexi you’re beautiful. I can’t wait to see the other half. Let’s get undressed.”
Nick started taking off his clothes. This was not the romantic evening I had pictured with Nick kissing me down my body as he undressed me. I quickly took off my pants and was standing in my panties. “I so pictured you as a thong girl.” Nick laughed.
“Well thongs aren’t the best for work. Feel free to raid my panty draw. I’m sure you’ll find something you like.” I teased as I took them off.
Nick watched as I held my panties in my hand. “Wow, did I get you that wet?” He smirked at me. “I still got it.”
I decided to ignore his comment and grabbed his hand. We moved to the bed. “Nick do you have a condom? It’s been a while for me.”
“Sure, I always keep protection with me. No babies for me.” He got off the bed and grabbed his pants.
“And the world is thankful for that.” I said sarcastically.
“That was harsh, baby.” Nick said as he tore open the condom
I was lying on the bed with my legs spread apart waiting for Nick. I was looking forward to experiencing this with him. My womanhood was aching to be touched and licked. Nick placed the condom on his penis and moved over top of me. He bent down and placed his lips on mine as he pushed himself into me.
What the fuck? He didn’t give me any notice that he was ready. He started thrusting himself into me. I was shocked by his abruptness. It took me a few seconds to compose myself. I slowly started meeting his thrusts.
“Fuck me baby.” He screamed as he pumped me faster and faster. “You’re so tight.”
This continued for a few minutes. I wasn’t sure this was going to the way I had planned. It seemed like Nick only care about himself. I was just there to help him get his jollies.
“Fuck baby I’m going to explode.” Nick had reached his climax and I wasn’t even near mine. When he finished he collapsed on top of me. “Damn, Lexi. That was fantastic.”
“It sure was.” I lied. I couldn’t hurt his feelings. He rolled off me and within a minute he was snoring. “It wasn’t that good.” I whispered to myself.
This was one of the worst sexual experiences I had ever had. Sure there weren’t many, but even my first time wasn’t that bad. I was disappointed in myself. I should have not let Nick talking me into doing this. Only, I knew this would probably be my only chance with him. I didn’t know if this was Nick’s sexual style or was it because he was drinking.
Nick continued to snore like a chainsaw. I couldn’t take it anymore. I got out of bed and found my pajamas. Once I was dressed, I went into the living room. Nothing like some mindless television to make me forget how unsatisfied and horny I was at the moment.
Why Are We Still Friends
It was almost noon when Brian went to see Anna. He was nervous about talking to her. He stood on the porch waiting for her to open the door. What was taking her so long?
The door opened and Anna stood there wearing a camisole and barely there panties. “What are you doing here?” She asked in surprise. “Alexia’s at work.”
“I’m not here to see Lex. I want to talk to you.”
“Come in.” Anna said indifferently.
Brian walked into the house and followed her into the kitchen. “Do you think you could put some clothes on?”
“There’s nothing wrong with what I’m wearing. I’m not showing off my goodies.” Anna took a seat at the island. Brian sighed and sat down. “So what do you want to talk about?”
“Lex, just got promoted to charge nurse at the hospital. It’s kind of a secret.”
Anna stared at him for a few minutes. She thought that maybe he was there to apologize for being a jackass all these years. “So what does this have to do with me?” She started looking at her nails.
“I was wondering if you would help me plan a little party for her.” He asked cautiously. Anna made him nervous.
“I don’t know Brian. How hard is it to plan a get together?”
“Come on Lexi deserves to have a celebration. That girl is an amazing nurse. She spends her free time volunteering at the hospital and going to school.” He smiled thinking about what a wonderful person Lexi was. She was kind, caring, intelligent, genuine, and not to mention beautiful.
“Sounds like someone has a crush.” Anna said with disinterest.
“Hardly. We’re just good friends.” Brian quickly tried to think of something to say. “She’s like a sister to me.”
“What the fuck, Brian? You have a sister. You know that one you haven’t cared to talk to in ten years.” She got up and moved to the sink. “You don’t look at Alexia in a sisterly way. Everyone else might be oblivious to it, but since I got back I see the way you look at her.”
“Looks at whom?” Nick stifled a yawn as he entered the room.
“Alexia. I think Brian is in love with her.” Anna pointed out as Nick moved around her to get to the fridge.
“You really think so, Anna? I can’t picture Brian with Lexi.” Nick took a seat and drank his water.
“Men are so clueless when it comes to women.” She huffed. “God, he was practically fucking her in his mind.”
“Annalise, just stop. Lexi and I are just friends. There’s nothing going on between us. Stop trying to start drama that doesn’t exist. You love causing trouble.” Brian’s voice rose. “And what’s going on with the two of you?” He pointed at both of them.
“Really it’s not any of your business.” She gave her brother a dirty look.
“Anna, it’s not a big deal. We’re all adults here.” Nick didn’t care if people knew they were fooling around.
“Nick, shut up. My brother doesn’t need to know about my personal life.”
“Yeah, well I’m still kind of pissed about last night. You couldn’t even call me.” Nick sighed.
“I told you before. My cell died. How the hell did you want me to call you?”
“Didn’t matter anyways, I had a hot night without you.” Nick tossed his bottle in the trash.
Brian couldn’t believe they were discussing this in front of him. He was shocked at Nick for playing with Anna. She was a drama queen, and Nick was going to deal with her wrath.
“Whatever Nick. Fuck the tri-county area for all I care. We’re just fuck buddies.” Anna said harshly. “You can screw as many women as you want. I don’t give two shits about it.”
“That’s because you were doing that exact same thing. Did you really think I was that stupid? You found another guy to screw so you ditched me. I hope he didn’t satisfy you like I can.” Nick spat. He was pissed at Anna’s attitude.
“You think you’re a stud in the sack. You might be fantastic, but there are men that can make you look like a beginner.” She copped an attitude with Nick.
Brian was starting to get embarrassed for both of them. He couldn’t believe his sister would talk that way in front of him. Clearly she had no filter. “Both of you shut up. I don’t think you should be airing your dirty laundry in front of me. Some things are better left private.”
“Shit, Brian.” Nick shifted uncomfortably. “I’m sorry you had to hear that.”
“Big flipping deal. We’ve screwed each other. Sex is a normal part of life. I can’t help it if Saint Brian isn’t getting any except from his hand.” She laughed maliciously. “You and Alexia make the perfect pair. You both are so saintly it makes me sick.”
“Alexia isn’t as angelic as you think.” Nick mumbled under his breath.
“What did you say Nick?” She glared at him.
“Fine, Annalise you win. I don’t want or need your help. Forget I even asked.” Brian said with frustration. “Please just keep it quiet. I don’t want her to find out.”
As soon as Brian left, Anna moved in front of Nick and pressed her body into his. She wrapped her arms around his neck. “I love fighting with you Nick. It’s so sexy. Now, all I want to do is fuck your brains out.”
Nick placed his mouth on her neck. He licked and sucked until he left his mark. Anna’s hands were rubbing his cock making it hard and ready for her. His hand went underneath her camisole and straight to her breasts. Damn, they were beautiful even if they were fake.
“Nick let’s take this to the bedroom. I really don’t want anyone walking in on us.” Anna placed a kiss on his nose.
“I thought for sure you’d be the girl who would love having people watch her fuck.” Nick joked.
“I am, but I don’t think we want Alexia walking in on this. She would be mortified to see you tapping my ass in her kitchen.” She giggled. Nick was unaware of someone’s true feelings toward him. “Come on she hasn’t been fucked since JD, and we know what a wuss he was. The girl needs a good roll in the hay.”
Nick felt a little guilty for sleeping with Lexi and Anna. “You shouldn’t worry about Lexi. I’m sure her sex life is perfectly fine.” He picked Anna up, and she wrapped her legs around him. “Let’s forget about everything and enjoy ourselves for the rest of the afternoon. Tonight you are going back to my house. Then I’m going to fuck you on my couch, in the hot tub, in the pool, on the kitchen table and in my bed.”
“Sounds wonderful.” She said as Nick gently lowered her to the bed. “Nick, I want to suck your cock.”
Nick pulled off his boxers, as the phone rang. “Ignore it.”
“It could be the spa telling me if I got the job. I have to answer it.” Anna reached for the phone. “Hello. Hey, Bella. Sure. Here he is.” She shoved the phone at him.
Nick took the phone and left the room. Bella didn’t find him as endearing as the rest of the women he knew. He wondered what she wanted. “Hey Bella. What’s up?”
“What the hell were you thinking?” She yelled through the phone.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. Just stop screaming at me.”
“Why did you sleep with Lexi?” Bella said calmly, even though she wanted to beat the shit out of him.
“She told you?” Nick ran a hand through his hair. This was not good.
“Yes, if Alex finds out you are screwing his sister, we’re going to have one less Backstreet Boy.”
“She could have said no. I didn’t force her.” Nick was starting to get pissed. Why was he the bad guy in the situation? It took two people to have sex.
“Just leave her alone. Lexi’s your best friend. You’re not going to stay that way by having sex with her. It’s bad enough you’re sleeping with Anna. Are you trying to ruin their friendship? Stop thinking with your dick.” With that Bella hung up on Nick.
The mood was ruined, but he couldn’t tell Anna that, so he went and took a shower instead of going back to her. This was not working the way he had planned.
Why Are We Still Friends
Nick and I were hanging out at his house for the first time in over a week. It was nice just spending time with Nick alone.
“So what do you want to do you want to do Alexia? Sitting around is boring.” Nick whined.
“I don’t know. You decide.” We were laying in the middle of the floor in his living room.
“We could play basketball, watch a movie, go swimming, or sit here and pick our noses.” He suggested.
“So many choices, I don’t think I can decide.” I rolled over onto my stomach and looked at Nick.” When did we become so boring?”
“I don’t know about you Miss Alexia, but I’ve never been boring.”
“Nickers, I’ve known you forever. I’ve sat for hours upon hours watching you play videos games. You are the most boring person I know. You’re thirty two years old, and you still spend hours playing video games.”
He tickled my sides. “That hurts. I thought you loved me.” He pouted.
“I love you Nick, but you’re boring.” I giggled.
“I love you, too.” Nick placed a kiss on my cheek. “So what you want to do?”
“Nothing. I enjoy relaxing and just talking to you. We hardly ever just talk anymore.” I smiled at him.
“Well let’s talk then.” He opened his arm and invited me to snuggle in next to him. Of course I took the opportunity to be near him. “What do you want to talk about?”
“Whatever comes out of our mouths. Do you remember how we use to play those stupid games?” I played with hem on Nick’s shirt.
“Yes. My favorite one was when we made up our future lives.” He started laughing.
“What’s so funny?” I asked curiously.
“I just remember how I always gave you Lance Bass or Justin Timberlake as your husband.”
“Yes, you sucked.” I paused for a moment think about how our real lives turned out. “Nick, are you satisfied how your life turned out?”
Nick was quiet for a few minutes. I figured he fell asleep, but he wasn’t snoring. “I’m happy with the way my life has turned out. I’m healthy. I have great friends and a career I love.”
“What about being in love? Don’t you ever wish you had what AJ and Bella have?” I whispered softly. I was curious about what Nick would say.
“I’d love to fall in love. Someday I hope to find someone. AJ and Bella have something special, but I don’t think that’s for me. I’m not sure marriage is for me.”
“Why don’t you see yourself getting married?” I sat up and looked at him.
“My parents’ marriage was full of fighting and hate. I don’t want to deal with that. Plus, why does a ring prove that you love someone more than if you didn’t have a ring. It’s just not for me.”
“What’s up with you and Anna?” I had to know what was going on.
“I don’t know. We’re hooking up, but that’s about it. There’s nothing more going on.” He sat up.
The next question was going to get me in trouble. I normally didn’t ask for details about Nick’s sexual conquests. I just wanted to know what was so hot about Anna. “So is she good in bed?”
“Fuck the things that girl knows how to do in bed. Anna’s like a fucking acrobat.” He was smiling and visualizing her in his head. She was the total opposite of me. “Plus she’s got those big tits.”
“So you like them big and fake, do you?” I attempted to make a joke. I didn’t think it was funny, but I didn’t want Nick to see that I was jealous.
“Geesh, Lexi. I though Anna was your best friend. You’ve stuck by her all these years. What’s changed?”
He would never understand. I was in love with him and he’d rather have sex with my best friend. It was like I was losing both of my best friends. “Nothing. I just think we’re in different places with our lives.”
“Well you and Anna are different. Anna isn’t afraid to try new things. In bed, she is willing to try every position imaginable. You, on the other hand, are more a traditional girl. You are perfectly fine with doing it missionary.” I glared at him. He started to backpedal. “There’s nothing wrong with being that kind of girl.”
“I may not be a contortionist, but I’m not a traditional as you think I am. You slept with me once and act like you know my sexual preferences.” I was pissed at Nick. Sex with him was awful, but you didn’t see me complaining about it to his face.
“I didn’t say that it was bad to be a good girl in the sack. All I was saying is that you and Anna are different.” Nick tried to defend his comments.
“Personally I’m offended. Everyone thinks I’m such a goody two shoes.” I stood up. “I’m getting tired of it.”
“Lexi, that’s cause you do everything by the book. You’re the closest thing to perfect.”
“Yeah except where it really matters.” I exhaled a big breath I didn’t know I was holding in.
“Alexia, what is wrong? I’ve never seen you like this.” Nick walked over to me and attempted to put his arm around me. I backed away from him. “Talk to me. Tell me what is wrong.”
“Nick, I’m going to go.” I slipped my shoes on. “I talk to you later.” I pressed a kiss to his cheek and left.
Instead of going home I stopped at my brother’s house. I needed to talk to Bella. She was the only one who knew about my interest in Nick as more than a friend.
AJ was on the porch smoking when I pulled in. “Hey sis. What’s up?”
“Not much. Is Bella around?” I asked quickly.
“She took the kids to the doctor.”
“Oh, well I’m just going to head home.”
AJ grabbed my hand. “Not so fast. Something’s up. Want to talk to your dear old brother?”
There was no way I could talk to my brother about Nick. He had the biggest mouth. Within days everyone would know about us having sex and me being in love with him. It was hard enough talking to Bella about it. I didn’t want my brother involved in my love life. It was bad enough Nick was his friend.
“Come sit down and chat with me. You’re so busy with work and school; I never get time with you.” We took a seat on the wicker loveseat. “Now talk to me.”
“AJ is there something wrong with me? I mean every thinks I’m Miss Perfect. Am I?”
“Who’s starting shit with you? I’ll kick their asses.”
“We’re not in elementary school anymore. I can fight my own battles.” My brother pouted. “I know you would help me. Just answer the question.”
He grabbed another cigarette. “I think people are jealous of you. You make everything look easy. You always try to do the right thing and help others. I don’t see anything wrong with that. More people should try being that way.”
“I’m not doing it to impress people. I love my job and enjoy helping others.”
“Are you happy, Lexi?” AJ questioned.
I thought about it. Was I happy? There were lots of things I loved about my life. On the other hand, I had a few things that needed fixed. “Yes, but there are a few things that could be better.” I couldn’t look at my brother.
“Lexi, what’s got you down?”
“I want what you and Bella have. I want to be in love. I want to get married and have a family.” I hugged my knees. It was the first time admitting this and I was nervous.
“It will happen. I never thought I would be the one married with kids. It wasn’t in my plans. Some deserving guy is going to sweep you off your feet someday.”
“I doubt that. It’s not like there’s a lot of guys knocking down the door to date me.” Then again I wasn’t actively pursuing the dating scene. I only wanted Nick to notice me.
“Maybe you aren’t looking hard enough.” AJ draped an arm over my shoulder.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I see lots of guys looking at you, and you totally ignore the signs. Lexi you are the total package, but with your shyness and your work ethic it’s hard for you take that next step.” He said honestly.
“But you’re a workaholic and you found love.” I didn’t get how I was so different from everyone else.
“Yes, but I’m a horny man. I can work and still find time to get into a woman’s pants.” AJ cackled.
“You better not let Bella hear you say that. You won’t be getting any for a while.” I teased. “Seriously, what do I do? Do I change who I am just to get a guy?”
“Lexi, don’t change who you are ever. You are a wonderful person. The man that falls for you will love everything about you. You’ve got to stop thinking of all guys as your friend and look at them like you want to fuck them.”
“AJ, I can’t believe you’re telling me to look at guys like that.” I blushed a deep shade of red.
“You’re not sixteen anymore. I don’t need to know about your sex life. I’ll always pretend that you are a virgin.” We both laughed. “Seriously, I think you need to look a little closer to home when it comes to guys. Maybe look for one that makes you laugh and enjoys spending time just hanging with you doing nothing. He’s out there.”
Why was he being so cryptic? I was confused by my brother’s last comment. I chose to ignore it. I wasn’t sure who he was talking about, and he wasn’t giving me any clues. Maybe he was telling me that I didn’t need to have such high standards when it came to men. If he only knew I was already in love with someone. A someone that didn’t know I existed in that way. Would I be brave enough to let Nick know the truth?
Why Are We Still Friends
“I promise I will be ready when you pick me up. I know seven o’clock sharp.” I giggled. “I’m always punctual. No we’re not going to Disney so you can get fresh with me. See you, later Peter Pan.” I hung up the phone.
It was late afternoon and I was still lounging in bed. I was enjoying my day off. I had the house to myself. Anna was working. She got a job at a country club working in their spa.
Brian was taking me out tonight for a celebratory dinner for my job promotion. I thought it was nice of him to think of me. I hadn’t gotten around to telling anyone else.
The doorbell rang causing me to get out of my comfortable bed. I padded into the living room. I opened the door to a delivery man standing on my porch. He was holding a vase full of flowers.
“These are for Alexia McLean.”
“That’s me.” He pushed them into my arms and walked away. “Thanks.” I yelled
I took the beautiful mix of assorted roses, gerbera daisies, and tiger lilies. As soon as I saw the lilies, I knew they were from Brian. I took out the card. Congrats on the new job. You deserve it and so much more. Looking forward to tonight. Smiles, Brian. It was sweet of Brian to send me flowers. I quickly sent him a text message thanking him.
“So Bri, where are you taking me for this special dinner?” I asked as soon as we got into the car.
“It’s surprise. You couldn’t choose a restaurant, so you left it in my hands. Now buckle and let’s go.” Brian chided me. Like a good girl I followed directions.
We drove for thirty minutes, making small talk the whole time. I never got bored talking with Brian. He always had funny stories to tell, that left me in stitches. We got to a familiar road and I looked at Brian.
“Are we going to your house?” I asked with a smiled.
“Yes, I thought I would cook you dinner since you’re so picky.” He smacked me gently in the arm.
“I hope you made your famous mac-n-cheese.” I sighed dreamily, as I relaxed in my seat.
“Maybe.” His eyes twinkled with mischief.
We pulled up to his house and got out. He grabbed my hand as we walked toward the door. He opened the door and let me in first.
“Surprise!!!” Everyone yelled.
I was in shock seeing all my friends and family in Brian’s living room. I leaned back into Brian and whispered into his. “This is for me? Thank you.”
“You deserve it.” He whispered in my ear. “Now go enjoy your party.”
My brother walked over to me. “Congrats Sis. I’m so proud of you.”
“Thanks.” I blushed.
“You’re always so modest Lexi. You deserved this promotion. You’re the best nurse I know.” Bella gave me a hug.
I loved that everyone was here, but I hated having all the attention on me. I wasn’t the type of girl to seek out attention from others. I was okay with being in the background. I talked to everyone at the party and was enjoying myself, but after a couple of hours I started to feel overwhelmed.
I was the kitchen getting a drink when Nick walked in. He grabbed my beer and opened it for me.
“Here you go.” He handed me the bottle and placed a kiss on my cheek. “I’m happy you got a promotion. Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Nick.” I looked at him. He was hurt that I didn’t tell him. “Things have been kind of weird between us. I didn’t know how to tell you.”
“All you had to say was Nick, they gave me a fantastic new job as charge nurse of the cardiac floor. How hard is that?” He leaned against the counter.
I didn’t want to start a fight with him on such a nice evening. “I’m sorry. I should have told you. I planned on telling you the night we slept together, but you were pissed about Anna ditching you. You wouldn’t have listened anyway.” I whispered so no one could hear.
“That didn’t happen last night. You still could have told me. I’m your best friend. I shouldn’t have to hear it from Brian. Why was he the first to know?” Nick sipped his drink.
Did he really want to make this about himself? I thought this was my night. Did I detect a little jealousy from Nick? I was already tired of his mood swings. Ever since Annalise came back Nick had a case of PMS.
“Nick, I’m not going to get into this tonight. I just want to have some fun. I said I was sorry.”
He walked over to where I was standing. Nick grabbed my beer and placed it on the island. He pulled me in close to his body for a hug. At first I thought he was going to kiss me. I was thankful he didn’t. “Lexi, I’d like to take you out for a celebratory dinner. Just you and me, best friends forever.”
I inhaled his cologne, remembering the smell in case I never got that close to him again. I looked at him with a smile. “I’d love to.”
After talking to Nick, I slipped out to the backyard. I needed to take a moment for myself. So many things were going through my mind. Brian found me sitting on the swing in deep thought. “Is everything okay?” He asked gently.
I look up at him and smiled. “Everything is perfect.”
“I’m glad. I hope you weren’t upset that I planned this party.” He sat down next to me.
“Not at all. Thank you for caring about me. You always do such nice things for me.” I gave Brian a hug and a kiss on the cheek. A jolt of electricity ran through my body causing me to shudder.
“Are you okay, Lex?” Brian asked, but didn’t let go of me.
It took me a moment to speak. “I think so. I just got a chill or something.”
Brian took off his sweater and gave it to me. “Don’t want you getting a chill.”
He was always a gentleman to me. “Thank you, Brian.” I smiled shyly at him. “By the way the flowers were gorgeous. Thank you. They were my favorite ones.”
“You’re welcome. Are you nervous about the new job?”
“Actually, I’m really calm about it. I love being a nurse. It’s the one thing I’m really good at.” I replied honestly. Lately it seemed like Brian was the only person I could be truthful with. He never judged me or thought what I said was stupid.
“Lex, you are good at so many things. Nursing is just one of them. You are an excellent cook. You help others with a genuineness I’ve never seen from anyone else. You can dance and run. Everyone likes you because you’re sweet, friendly, nice, kind, and the list goes on and on.” Brian placed his hand on mine.
“Brian, you’re such a charmer. Some girl would be lucky to have you as their boyfriend.” I placed me head on his shoulder.
“Really? Do you think I’m that special?” He said half-joking, half seriously.
“Any girl would love to have a boyfriend like you. You are sweet, charming, funny, cute, and the list goes on and on.” I giggled.
“Now you’re mocking me?” He slid his hands to my waist and started tickling me. I couldn’t stop laughing. “You think this is funny?”
“I give. I give.” I squeaked out between chuckles. Brian removed his hand from my body. “Thank you Brian. I mean it for everything you’ve done. I appreciate that you care about me so much. I better get back to the party.” I gave him a quick peck and went back to the house.
Bella gave me a strange look as I entered the kitchen. I smiled not knowing what she meant by it. I didn’t have time to ask her because my mom started talking to me. I decided to talk to her later. I wanted to enjoy the rest of the evening.
Why Are We Still Friends
Nick and I had just gotten back from dinner. My stomach was full of steak and lobster. I was graced with the McLean genes and could eat virtually anything I wanted.
I grabbed us both a beer and made my way into the living room. Nick was lounging on the couch. I handed him his drink and sat down next to him. My jean skirt rode up a bit, showing off my tanned thighs.
“Tonight was a lot of fun. I’ve missed hanging out with you Alexia.” Nick started peeling the label off his bottle.
“That’s because you’ve been so busy getting in Annalise’s pants.” I teased.
“It’s the other way around.” He set his beer on the end table. “She can’t wait to get into my pants.” Nick said with bravado.
“Not every woman wants to get into your pants, Nicky.” I lied. I didn’t know a woman alive that wouldn’t want to be in Nick’s bed. Though, I needed a second opinion since the first time wasn’t so hot. Every guy is entitled to one bad night.
“Don’t lie, Alexia.” Anna walked into the room looking like a fashion model. “Every girl wants that dick inside her.”
“I’m not an object.” Nick whined. “There’s more to me than my dick.”
“But it’s one of your best attributes.” Anna leaned against the wall. “I’m sure Alexia hasn’t had a dick like that.”
I blushed at her comment. I didn’t understand why Anna had to be such a bitch to me. I’m sure she’d be pissed if she knew I slept with Nick. “Well, I’m sure there’s a guy out there better than Nick.” I said brazenly. Was it bad of me to compare him to other guys I’ve slept with? Probably, but he wasn’t my number one.
“I have to admit Nick is the best guy I’ve been with. He knows how to please a woman.” Anna said with authority. She thought she was the only woman to ever sleep with Nick. I just wanted to tell Anna that he slept with me and he wasn’t all that, but I held my tongue.
“You’ve put him on a pedestal and he isn’t going to come down. You know the Carter ego.” I taunted as I sat up on my knees.
“Lexi, you know I’m the best every girl has had. I got the moves.” Nick laughed.
“In your dreams, dork.” I grabbed our bottles off the table and started towards the kitchen.
I tossed them in the recycling bin; then started to do the dishes. I was feeling guilty about sleeping with Nick. He and my best friend was practically a couple, minus the actual relationship. If it was me and my best friend slept with my guy, I’d be devastated. I knew it was wrong sleeping with Nick, but I knew it was my only chance of ever being intimate with him.
I heard the front door slam, a minute later Nick walked in. “Is everything okay?”
“Yes.” He smiled at me as he leaned against the counter watching me wash dishes.
“Oh, she left.” He said indifferently.
“Where did she go?” I rinsed my hands and grabbed a towel to dry them.
“Out.” Nick straightened up and walked over to me. “Do you know how sexy you look tonight, Alexia?” His hands were touching the skin on my outer thighs as he pushed the edge of my skirt up.
I could barely get the words out of my mouth. “No.” I answered honestly. I wasn’t wearing anything new.
“That’s what I love about you.” He caressed my cheek with his thumb. “You don’t realize how beautiful you truly are. Other girls push themselves on me, but you don’t have to show off to get my attention.”
“Nick, why are you…” I didn’t finish my thought as Nick pressed his lips to mine. Slowly he wrapped his arms around my waist as his kisses got softer and softer. He moved his face back a little and smiled at me. I licked my lips unsurely. My brain was in a fog.
Nick pushed me back against the island and sucked on my bottom lip. I placed my hands on his ass. I loved how his body felt against mine. As I squeezed Nick’s ass, his tongue licked my lips and opened my mouth. Our tongues started to explore one another. His tongue snaked around mine as he placed his knee between my thighs. I forgot where I was for a few moments. All I cared about was the euphoric sensation going through my body.
“Lex, I want you.”
It was like a dream coming true. I was tempted to take him up on the offer. Maybe this time would be different. Hopefully Nick would take his time and make sure that I was enjoying myself.
Nick stepped aside and took my hand in his. We walked down the hallway until we got my bedroom. He opened the door and pulled me inside. I watched him lock the door. Then he started stripping down. “Aren’t you going to take your clothes off Lexi?” He looked at me standing there fully clothed.
“Umm…yeah sure.” I started to undress as I watched Nick get naked. He moved to the bed when he was finished. I started getting nervous. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea.
“Damn, Lexi. You’re beautiful.” Nick’s smiled calmed me down.
I crawled onto the bed. Nick gently pressed my body down against the mattress. “Do you have a condom, Lexi?”
“In the nightstand.”
Nick rolled over and grabbed a condom. He tore open the package. “Would you like to do the honors?” He smirked at me.
I grabbed the condom out of his hand. Slowly I straddled his legs. I slowly rolled it out and placed it on his penis. I decided to be bold. I moved up Nick’s body and let myself place light kisses all over his chest. He moaned in delight. That put a smile on his face. I sat up and adjusted my body so that I could take his length inside me.
Nick had other ideas and flipped me on to my back. I was taken aback, but didn’t let it show. I couldn’t understand why he didn’t want me taking the lead. He pushed inside my body, not even giving me time to adjust to his length. He started thrusting into me over and over as he kissed my breasts. Nick bit down on one of my nipples. He went a little too hard, but I stifled my groan.
Once again, I found myself not enjoying the moment. What was wrong with me? Nick was a sex god. Why wasn’t I enjoying this? I wanted it to be over.
He wasn’t paying any attention to my needs. Nick pushed in harder and deeper. “Alexia, god….you’re so fucking tight.” He moaned against my face.
I held back the tears that were threatening to fall from my eyes. He continued at a rapid speed thrusting and grunting. I moaned in pain, but tried to make it sound like I was enjoying it. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings.
“Oh, Lexi. You like this don’t you. I’m close, babe.” He thrust into me one more time before reaching his peak. Then Nick pulled out of me. I didn’t even get a chance to get my own release. Nick pulled out of me and took the condom off. He stretched out in bed and closed his eyes. What a jerk!
I laid there in shock. I couldn’t believe this happened for a second time. I didn’t know how long I stayed in that position, but Nick was snoring loudly. My body was stiff and sore from the way Nick used it. I slowly got up and decided to take a shower.
The hot water was just what my body needed. My muscles started to relax, but I knew I was going to be sore for the next few days. My tears mixed in with the water, so I didn’t notice them as much.
The worst thing about this whole Nick thing was that I was still in love with him. It didn’t matter that the sex sucked. I still wanted him. He didn’t see me in that way and it hurt. I was just another notch on his bedpost. I realized that I was not that type of girl. Casual sex was not for me. Sure I loved Nick, but he didn’t feel the same. It wasn’t about making love, it was just fucking. I wasn’t that girl. I wouldn’t allow myself to get into this situation again.
I dried off and went to get some clean pajamas from my room. Nick was sleeping peacefully. I couldn’t sleep next to him tonight. I grabbed my blanket and went to the living room. My body was aching as I sat down on the couch. I knew I wouldn’t be getting much sleep tonight.
Why Are We Still Friends
I was sitting on the couch when Anna came in from wherever. She looked drained from her night of partying. I continued flipping through the stations hoping to find something to keep my interest.
“Where’s Nick?” She asked as she plopped down in a chair and kicked off her high heels.
“He’s sleeping.” I said casually. I didn’t want to talk about him.
“It’s so nice that you give up your bed for him. Alexia, you need to stop giving him everything. You’re never going to find a man if you keep doting on Nick.”
I didn’t know what to say. It wasn’t any of her business how I treated Nick. You didn’t see me getting involved in Anna’s relationship with Nick. Yeah, that’s right they weren’t having a relationship. It was just sex.
“Annalise, I know you mean well, but please mind your own business. My friendship with Nick is fine. I don’t have any trouble finding a man.” I grumbled at her. It was late, and I didn’t want to talk to her.
“Yeah, that’s why you’re single.” Anna laughed. “You’re going to end up an old maid.”
“That’s better than being a slut.” My mouth dropped when I realized what I said.
“That was low, Alexia. I’m not a slut. I like having sex. It’s none of your business who I sleep with.” She stood up and grabbed her shoes.
“It does when you’re sleeping with my best friend. Nick doesn’t need to be hurt by you.”
“Nick is a big boy. I think he can handle having a sex life. It’s a shame you are so obsessed with Nick’s fucking. I’d say you are a little jealous of what you hear come out of my bedroom. Do you lean against the door and listen as Nick thrusts his huge cock into my wet hot pussy?”
I couldn’t take it anymore. I stomped out of the room and went out onto the beach. The sun had just risen. It was a beautiful sight.
Anna had done that on purpose. She knew that it would make me mad. For some reason she was trying to drive a wedge between me and her. Anna was doing a good job. I wanted nothing to do with her.
She was my best friend and I stuck by her all these years. Never in her life did she stick up for me. Was this the type of friendship I wanted? I didn’t know anymore. I didn’t trust Anna. I’m sure she would spill any secret I told her.
I walked back to the house to get ready for work. Nick was standing by the counter pouring a cup of coffee. He handed me the cup and got another one from the cupboard.
“What’s up Lexi?” He was still groggy from sleep.
“Nothing. Just decided to take a walk before work.” I replied calmly. I was in a bad mood and didn’t want to take it out on him.
“You seem angry. Is it me?” He asked pulling me in for a hug.
“A little.” I replied honestly. “It’s Annalise, too. Everything sucks at the moment.”
“What did I do?” He released me and walked outside. I guess I pissed him off.
I marched myself back outside. I was going to get this over with before I went to work. I didn’t need the added stress with a new job.
“So now you’re mad at me?” I sidled closer to him, my voice low.
“Don’t understand what I did.” He pushed into me, bumping me out of the way.
“Nick, we’ve had sex twice. Annalise thinks she owns you. I feel like I’m stuck in the middle of a game the two of you are playing.”
“I’m not a married man. I can sleep with whoever the hell I want to. Neither of you have any right to comment on my sex life.” He barked at me. Apparently his sexual needs were off limits for discussion.
“I think I have a right to discuss it. You’re screwing me and my best friend. Anna’s going to eat me alive when she finds out. I’ll have to deal with her wrath.” I wanted him to understand how this was affecting my relationship with my two best friends. “Both of you are my best friends. You are putting me in a rough spot. I don’t think that’s fair.”
“You could have said no. I didn’t force you to fuck me.” He indicated as if it were that simple. Nick was being a grade A jerk.
“Yeah, well you won’t have to worry about it. I don’t want to ruin our friendship over sex.” Nick was ignoring me, so I started to walk away. “Not like it was that great.”
I saw his head perk up. He snatched my arm forcing me back against him. “What did you say?” He questioned furiously.
“I said you weren’t all that in the sack.” Nick’s blue eyes were so dark they looked black. Clearly, he had never been told the truth from a woman before. “Both times you left me unsatisfied. It was about you getting yourself off. Then you compare me to her.”
I pulled my arm away from him and made my way back inside. I opened the freezer and took out a package of waffles. I slid two waffles in the toaster.
“I wasn’t done with you.” Nick leaned against the wall.
“Well, I’m finished with you.” I gave Nick a hard stare. “That means everything include sleeping with you.”
“You’ve slept with him?” Annalise said with mirth. Chalk it up to her not believing that Nick would even consider sleeping with me.
“Yes, because it seems like Nicky boy likes sleeping with all his friends little sisters.” I put my waffles on a plate and sat down to eat.
“I’m sure he only fucked you for pity. Poor Alexia can’t get a man.” Anna laughed spitefully.
I looked at Nick and saw the truth on his face. What an asshole. I thought he was my best friend. “Thanks a lot Nick. I don’t need your pity.”
“It wasn’t like that, Lexi.” Nick looked apologetic.
“What was it like?” Anna asked, flopping down in a kitchen chair.
“You wouldn’t understand.” He looked at Anna. Then he turned to me. “I’m sorry I hurt you Lexi. It was never my intention. You got to believe that.”
“I don’t know what to believe. I think you led me on. You couldn’t get it from Anna so you used me.” I took my dirty dish to the sink. “I got to get ready for work.”
As I’m leaving Anna opens her mouth. “You are such a fucking idiot, Carter. Alexia’s in love with you. She’s been for years. Sleeping with her was foolish. You know it made her fall further for you.” She moves closer to Nick. “You know, I’m not mad at you. I don’t care if you slept with her or not. You are always able to make me cum, multiple times.”
I turned around. “Thanks a lot Annalise. I thought you were my best friend. You think it is funny spilling my secrets. It’s not going to make Nick like you any better. All you did was betray my trust. How about I share your secrets? They are a lot worse than being in love with Nick Carter.”
“You’re in love with me?” Nick choked out.
“I was a fool. You being with Annalise has made me question my sanity when it comes to you.” I feel the tears start falling down my face as I lie to my best friend. “Just leave me alone Nick. I can’t be in love with a man who doesn’t even value me during sex. I was a fucking object to you. I was a means to an end. I got you to your release. You never once thought of me.”
I ran out of the kitchen and into the bathroom. I needed to get ready for work. There was no way I could be late. I pushed all my emotions aside. It was time to be professional charge nurse, Alexia Lillian McLean.
Why Are We Still Friends
It’s been a week since I talked to Nick or Anna. They were avoiding me as well. I couldn’t trust Anna with my secrets. I was too embarrassed to talk to Nick. Whenever they were around Anna made the point to be all over Nick. At first it was an act to make me jealous, but now I think they were actually starting to like each other.
When I got home the house was empty. It was nice not see the happy couple groping each other on the couch. I couldn’t take it anymore. I was alone. What should I do with my few minutes of peace?
“Lex! Lex! Where are you?” Brian sang from the front door.
“In the kitchen.” I screamed as I washed my hands.
Brian walked in and wrapped himself around me. I started to giggle. He was always so affectionate. I turned the water off and Brian handed me a towel.
“So, what’s up?” He took a seat at the island.
“Just got home from work. I was going to make some dinner. Would you like to join me?” I leaned against the counter. “I’m sure I can whip up something edible.”
Brian stared at me for a moment. “Lex, you are a wonderful cook. You can make boiled water taste good.”
“I wouldn’t go that far Mr. Littrell.” I opened the refrigerator. “Oh my gosh! I can’t believe they’ve eaten everything.”
I slammed the fridge shut and opened the freezer. “Is everything alright?” Brian said from behind me.
“You mean Nick hasn’t mentioned it to you?” I asked shyly. There was no way I wanted him to know that I slept with Nick. It would be awkward.
“Haven’t talked to him in over a week. Did something happen?” Brian grabbed the box of Hot Pockets.
“Well, I kind of got into an argument with him and Anna.”
Brian popped the ham and cheese delightfulness into the microwave. “I’m sorry. Does it have to do with them dating?”
I shrugged. “Kind of. I really don’t feel like talking about it. I haven’t talked to either of them in a week. It just sucks when both of your best friends are mad at you.”
“Well, it’s their loss. Grab the six pack in the fridge and let’s go eat on the beach.” Brian was trying to cheer me up. He was always a good friend.
We found a spot on the beach and sat down. I watched the waves crash along the sand; getting lost in my own thoughts. Lately, that’s where I had been most of the time.
“Peter Pan, this dinner really sucks.” I start laughing madly. “How classy is it to eat Hot Pockets and beer on the beach? If your fans only knew how white trash you were.”
Brian started to laugh. I don’t know why I was finding it so funny. For the first time since the fight I was able to relax. “Well, we have frosted cherry Pop-Tarts for dessert.”
I loved that Brian made me forget all of my problems. He was both funny and caring. It’s just what I needed.
“So are you looking forward to you last year in the twenties?”
“Shush. I’m always going to be in my twenties. I’m not aging.” I commented sarcastically. Why, oh why did he have to remind me about my birthday? I was trying to forget that it existed. Most people loved their birthdays and all the celebrating. I was an exception to that rule.
“Well you’re still as beautiful as the day I met you.” He said with a smirk.
“Eww, you’re such a perv. I was just a little girl when you met me. I hope I don’t look like that.” I fell back onto the sand. “You know, I did grow boobs since then.”
“You sure did!” Brian wiggled his eyes at me. “They’ve filled out your shirts nicely, I have to admit.”
“Brian Thomas Littrell, you really are a pervert. How dare you look at my breasts! I’m going tell my brother on you.” I said with mock disgust.
“How can I not look? You know I’m a boob man.” He shrugged.
“Yeah, you certainly are a boob.” I got up and started to run.
Brian quickly got up and started chasing me. I continued running down the beach. Shit, he was catching up to me. When he was about five feet away, I darted the other direction. Not missing a step, Brian turned and started rushing after me. I ran into the ocean, but Brian caught up to me.
“Come any closer, and I’ll splash you.” I crouched down, ready to throw water at him.
“You wouldn’t dare, Tiger Lilly.” Brian taunted. “I’m made of sugar. I will melt.”
“Oh, you don’t think I would get the almighty Brian wet. Ha!” I laughed in his face.
Just as I was getting ready to douse him with water, he gripped my hips to draw me near. Both of us fell in the water with a thud.
“Way to go Tiger Lilly!”
“I’m not the one who caused us to fall in the water.” I yelled.
“I’m not taking the blame.” Brian’s hands were still on my hips.
“Well, I’m blaming you. You pawing my body is the reason I’m soaking wet.” I glared at him. Brian made a funny face. I couldn’t stay mad at him. I burst into a fit of giggles.
“You think this is funny, Lex?” He started to tickle me. Damn him. He knew all my ticklish spots. His fingers grazed my wet skin on my stomach. I tried to wriggle free.
“Stop it….c’mon’ Brian…stop tickling me….please…stop.” I attempted to get away from him.
“Only if you say, Brian Littrell is the sexist Backstreet Boy and give me a kiss.” Brian’s blue eyes darkened when he mentioned the kiss. I pretended not to notice.
“Never.” I screamed. His hands started moving on my skin. “Okay, okay. I give.”
“So I’m going to get that kiss?” He smirked at me.
“Brian Littrell is the sexist Backstreet Boy.” I leaned in and gave him a quick peck on the cheek. He let go of me. “He’s also the biggest pain in the ass.”
“You’re so funny Lex.” Brian commented sarcastically as we both got up.
“You know you love me Bri Bri.”
“I’d love you more if I wasn’t all wet.” He took my hand and we walked back to the house.
“Look Nick. Look at what the cat dragged in.” Anna nudged Nick. They were sitting on the deck.
I chose to ignore them. “Let’s go inside and dry off.” I took Brian’s hand and pulled him into the house.
“Aren’t you going to talk to them?”
“Hell no. They hurt me a lot. I’m not over it yet.” I looked down. I was embarrassed to admit that I let them get to me, but there was no way I could tell Brian the truth. He would be so disappointed that I let Nick use me. “Let me get us some towels.”
“I’m sorry for whatever happened. I don’t like seeing you hurt.” Brian said tenderly.
“Thanks Brian. It means a lot.” I was done discussing my fight. “It’s cold. Let go get dried off.”
“I know a way we can get warm and dry off at the same time.” Brian gave me a cheesy grin.
“I don’t think so.” I raised an eyebrow at him. “Let me go get you a towel, you horny toad.”
Why Are We Still Friends
“So you want to tell me what’s going on between you and Nick?” Bella asked while looking through a rack of shirts.
“Not really.” I shrugged. I didn’t want to talk to anyone about the Nick fiasco. Some things were better left unsaid.
“You know you are going to have to face him sometime soon. Anna, too.”
“Well, they’ll have to come to me.” I said sharply.
Bella looked at me for a moment. “This isn’t the Lexi I know. Usually you are begging forgiveness even if you weren’t the cause of the fight.”
“Bella, this isn’t the time or place to get into it. Let’s just say I’m just as angry at myself as I am Nick and Anna.”
I let myself be played by Nick. I knew better than to sleep with him, but I wanted to live my womanly dream of making love to Nick Carter. Boy was I stupid. It was the worst mistake of my life. Hell, even my first time was better than either time with Nick.
“Let’s go get some lunch. A glass of wine will help you clear your head.” She pulled me out of the store.
Once we sat down and ordered lunch, I still didn’t feel like talking about it. Maybe it was because I felt if I told someone, everyone would end up knowing. I didn’t want to be that girl. The one her friends pitied for being so stupid. It only made things worse cause Nick and I had the same friends.
“You know you’ll feel better if you talk.” Bella prodded.
Fine, I decided to give in. Bella was as good as AJ when it came to getting things out of you. I took a huge gulp of my wine. At this rate I was going to need a whole bottle to get through this.
“Nick and I slept together a second time. It was just as horrible as the first time.” I groaned. “Who would have thought he was so bad in bed? I mean it was horrible.”
“Was it really as bad as you are saying?” Bella leaned in. “I’ve heard plenty of women talk about him and how magical his dick is.”
“Then maybe it’s me. Maybe I’m the problem. If every woman thinks he’s a sex god, what’s wrong with me?” I took a long sip of my wine, emptying the glass.
“Lexi, you aren’t the typical girl. You just don’t sleep with any guy.” She paused as the waiter brought our food. “You actually care about someone before you have sex.”
“But I love Nick. Hell more than any other guy, including the ones I’ve been with.” I picked at my chicken.
“But you feel guilty. You knew that he was sleeping with your friend. As much as you and Anna don’t get along, in your mind you know you were betraying her trust.”
Maybe Bella was on to something. Now I felt even worse. Sleeping with Nick was wrong on so many levels. I was going to lose my friends because I had sex with Nick twice. This was the biggest mistake I ever made.
“You hit the nail on the head. I’m still in love with him.” I fidgeted uncomfortably. “I wish I didn’t. It’s hard seeing him with Anna. My gut says he likes her more than he is letting on.”
Bella sips her wine. “Then you need to talk to Nick. Maybe you should tell him the truth. It’s not healthy to keep it inside. At least you’ll know if he feels the same. If he doesn’t then you can move on.”
“You make it sound easy. I’ve been in love with him for years. How do I switch that off?” I pushed my plate aside. I wasn’t hungry anymore.
“Go on dates. Find a man that will make you forget about him. I’m not saying it’s easy, but there is a man out there that is going to fall head of heals in love with you. He’s out there, Lexi.”
“I know. And I will find him when the time is right.” I trailed off.
“It sounds like you’ve heard that before.” Bella smiled at me.
“Every time I’m with my mom. She’s ready for me to get married and have a houseful of babies. I think she feels sorry for me that I can’t get a man and settle down.” I sighed softly. I didn’t want to be an old maid, but I wasn’t got to marry the first man I saw. I wanted to be in love with the right man. The man I could see forever with.
“Ok, we are not doing this. You are not going to feel sorry for yourself. You are a beautiful woman. Let’s get you a sexy outfit for your birthday dinner.
“Yeah, for you and AJ. That’s funny.” We got up to leave.
“There will be other men at your dinner.” Bella gave me a sly smile.
“Oh yes, Brian. I don’t think that counts.” I rolled my eyes.
“What’s wrong with Brian?” She questioned.
“Nothing is wrong with Brian. He’s a great friend, but I just can’t see us dating.”
“Brian’s such a nice guy. It’s a shame he hasn’t found the right one. Any woman would be happy have such a doting man. He’d make the best husband.” Bella commented.
I didn’t understand why she needed to spell out Brian’s virtues. He was a great guy. Everyone knew that. He was charming and funny. Brian was caring and always made me feel special. Unlike most of the guys in my life, he always remembered the little things; like what my favorite jelly bean was and he’d bring me a bag just because. Any lady would be lucky to date him, I just wasn’t that girl.
Brian was one of my good friends. He knew almost everything about me. We could talk for hours. I could tell him my secrets because I knew he’d keep them. The only secret Brian didn’t know about was Nick.
“Umm…yeah.” I said pulling myself out of my thoughts. “He’ll find somebody.”
“Are you okay, Lexi.?”
“I’m fine.” I said quickly. “Why?”
“You seem to be in a fog.” Bella looked at me strangely. I shook it off.
“I’m fine. Let’s finish shopping.”
Why Are We Still Friends
AJ was in the kitchen watching Bella prepare dinner. He loved his wife so much. “That looks delicious.”
“Why thank you! I hope your sister likes it.” She put the vegetable lasagna in the oven. “I tried talking to her about Brian.”
“How did that go?” AJ grabbed a carrot.
“Not well. Lexi’s so stuck on Nick that she can’t see what is right in front of her.”
“Nick is wrong for her. I wish she would get a clue. How can she be so blind? The attraction between her and Brian is unreal. She comes alive with him.” AJ didn’t understand his sister.
“Who comes alive?” I asked as I walked into the kitchen.
My brother did a double take. “Oh fuck, you look absolutely beautiful Lexi. Wow!” He placed a kiss on my cheek.
I decided since it was my birthday to get all dolled up. I wore a dark plum wrap dress and black heels. My hair was curled and worn loosely around my face.
“Umm…thanks.” I said shyly. I never liked being the center of attention.
The doorbell rang and AJ went to let whoever in. Alisa and Ian ran into the kitchen. “Aunt Lexi, you look like a model.” Alisa shouted. “You are so pretty.”
“Thanks, Alisa. You look cute today.” I gave her a hug. “And Ian, you look so handsome.”
“You pwetty.” He gave me a big smile.
“Okay, let’s go into the living room so mommy can finish making dinner.” I ushered the kiddos into the living room.
“Happy….Birthday, Lex. You look….ab…ab…absol...absolutely stunning.” Brian uttered unintelligibly. “I mean you always look beautiful.”
I gave him a look. He was acting weird tonight, but I shrugged it off. “Thanks Brian.” I gave him a quick peck on the cheek.
We stood there staring at each other for a few moments. For the first time I didn’t know what to say to Brian. It was strange just standing there, not talking.
“Can I get either you a drink?” AJ said and pulled me out of the trance I was in.
“Sure, I’ll take some water.” I quickly sat down.
“So I heard we’re getting dragged out to the clubs tonight.” Brian plopped down beside me.
“You heard correctly, Peter Pan. It’s time to dance the night away. I mean if you want to go.”
“Of course I want to go, as long as I get the first dance with the birthday girl.” He took my hand in his.
“You can have the first, second, third, fiftieth, and last.” I smiled shyly at him.
“Hey, I left your birthday present at your house. It was too big to transport around.”
“You didn’t have to get me anything.” I said as Alisa jumped on my lap. “You got me curious.”
“It’s something you will love.”
“Did you get Aunt Lexi a horse?” Alisa asked.
“No, I didn’t. I don’t think she can keep a horse in her house.” Brian joked.
She thought about it for a minute. “Lexi can keep it in my garage.”
Brian takes my hand in his. “I don’t think your daddy would let Aunt Lexi do that.”
“I know, but I can ask him.” She slinked off my lap and went in search for her dad.
“You got to stop giving her ideas.” I smiled at Brian. “So have you talked to Nick?”
I was curious if Nick had said anything to Brian about our fight. Things between Nick and me were usually out in the open. So far, no one had mentioned anything to me with the exception of Bella, but that was because I confided in her. I think my brother and Brian would be disappointed that I slept with Nick.
“I saw him earlier when I dropped your gift off.” Brian lifted up my chin. “Lex, he hasn’t mentioned your argument to me. You know you can talk to me about it. I promise I won’t go running to him or try to make things better.” He crossed his heart.
“I know Brian. It’s…just I don’t feel like talking about it.” I replied sadly. I didn’t want to look bad in his eyes. What kind of friend was I? I slept with my best friend’s guy. She was Brian’s sister. Sure they didn’t get along, but blood is thicker than water.
“Come here.” Brian scooted over and scooped me into his arms. I felt safe and cherished when nestled against Brian.
“Hey, dinner is…” AJ chose that minute to walk in. He gave me a look, but I couldn’t recognize the expression. “Dinner’s ready.”
With that AJ turned around and left. Neither of us got up right away. It was comfortable just sitting quietly with Brian.
“I guess we better go eat before they come looking for us.” I giggled. Why was I so nervous?
Brian unwrapped himself from me. Then we made our way to the dining room. The kids were waiting patiently, as AJ and Bella brought in the food.
“Uncle Bri, will you sit by me?” Alisa begged.
“Not tonight punkin. I promised the birthday girl I would sit by her.” Brian answered as he pulled my chair out.
I quickly sat down. I felt everyone’s eyes on me. I put my head down and looked at my plate.
“Will you sit by me on my birthday?” She said thoughtfully.
“Of course I will.” Brian said as he sat down beside me. “You’re my favorite girl, but don’t tell Aunt Lexi that.”
That caused Ian and Alisa to giggle. I looked up slowly and the attention was off me. We started to eat dinner. Everyone was chatting and having a good time. I started to relax.
“Aunt Lexi, since you’re almost thirty are you going to get married?” Alisa asked.
I dropped my fork on the floor. My niece stunned me with her question. I attempted to regain my composure so I could answer her question. I looked around the room for a minute. Brian was picking up my fork. My brother was staring at me awaiting my answer. Bella was watching me.
“Someday I’d like to get married, but I’m still waiting for Prince Charming to sweep my off my feet like Cinderella.” I answered, hoping that it makes sense in her five year old mind.
“Well, Brian’s not married. He treats you like a princess. Just like daddy does with mommy, except you two don’t kiss.” Alisa commented matter of fact.
Brian starts choking on his water. I gently slap him on the back. Apparently my niece’s comment shocked him just as much as it did me. “Are you okay?” I asked in concern.
He took a moment to breathe before he spoke. “Umm…yeah, I’m uh….fine.” He didn’t look fine. Brian was red in the face and his eyes were watering. I figured it was better just to let it go. No sense in keeping this embarrassing conversation going.
“Alisa, I think we should let Aunt Lexi and Uncle Brian worry about that. They will find love when it’s the right time. Finish up your lasagna.” Bella admonished her daughter. I noticed her giving AJ a smirk.
I didn’t find it funny that my niece was worried I was going to be spinster. I wanted to find love, but I guess I looked in the wrong place. Clearly, Nick wasn’t for me. Brian was a good friend. I couldn’t see him as my husband or even as my boyfriend. I just didn’t have those kinds of feelings for him.
“Who ready for some dessert?” AJ asked, pulling me back to reality. I was going to forget this conversation and enjoy my birthday.
Why Are We Still Friends
As soon as we get to the club, AJ and Bella hit the dance floor. Within minutes they are gyrating against each other. I was not one for rubbing up against a man whether I knew him or not. Luckily, Brian was cool with that. He was off getting us drinks.
I was looking around the club when I noticed Nick and Anna walking over to the table with Brian. Damn, why were they here? I didn’t want to deal with the two of them on my birthday.
“Here’s your drink sweetheart.” Brian handed me a Midori sour.
“Thanks Brian.” I smiled and took a sip. Hopefully, the alcohol would loosen me up enough that I could enjoy myself.
“Happy birthday Alexia.” Nick whispered in my ear as he hugged me.
I took a long taste of my drink. Then I grabbed Brian’s hand and pulled him onto the crowded dance floor. We wrapped our arms around each other and swayed to the music. I placed my head on his shoulder, so that I didn’t have to talk.
After a few moments of silence, Brian began to talk. “Lex, I’m not going to force you to talk about it. Just don’t let them ruin your birthday.”
“Thanks. I don’t want to talk about it. Why did they have to show up tonight? I didn’t invite them.” I looked up at Brian.
“I’ll ask them to leave. I don’t want you to be uncomfortable.” The sincerity in Brian’s eyes was haunting. Why was he always so nice to me?
“As much as I’d love that, it will only cause more problems. I’ll be civil towards them.”
“Well if Nick or Anna start something, I’ll make them leave. It’s your night, and I won’t have them ruin it.” He placed a kiss on my cheek. Once, I again I felt something strange, but I ignored it. I didn’t know what was wrong with me.
“Peter Pan, why are you so good to me?” I asked as I placed my head back on his shoulder.
“Tiger Lily, you are one of my very best friends. It would kill me to see you hurt in any way. That’s how much I care about you.” Brian whispered against my ear.
He was such a sweetheart. I was lucky to have him a friend. We had gotten closer in the last few years. I could confide in him about life, school, well anything. Brian and I had so much in common, but it never got boring.
The music changed to an upbeat tempo. I removed myself from the warmness of Brian’s arms.
“Don’t you want to get freaky with me tonight?” Brian said as he swayed his hips in my direction.
“As much as I love you, I don’t ever plan on getting freaky with you, Mr. Littrell.” My hand went to his chest. “Now if you were Hugh Jackman, I’d be more than willing to get my freak on.”
“What does he have that I don’t?” Brian whined, as we walked to our table.
“If I have to tell, you’d just be jealous, and I don’t want that to happen.” I winked at him.
“You kill me Lex.”
Nick and Anna were talking to Bella. They seemed to be enjoying themselves.
“Having a good time?” Bella asked looking at me.
“The best. Brian is trying to figure out why Hugh Jackman is hotter than him.” I laughed. He placed his arms around me, pulling me close to his body.
“There’s no explanation except that he’s hot and has an even hotter accent.” Bella gushed.
“Hey, I have a sexy accent.” Brian commented holding me tighter against him.
I tried to wriggle free of him, but it didn’t help that he was muscular. I never really paid attention to it until this very moment. “Oh, Peter Pan.” I started imitating Brian’s accent. “You have a twangy country bumpkin accent. That’s so not sexy.”
“Oh, Tiger Lily, you hurt my heart. I think I need to go home and start playing sad love songs on my banjo.”
I looked over at Nick. He looked rather pissed off. I don’t what his problem was, except maybe he was mad I was enjoying myself without him. He wasn’t the only friend I had.
This fight was getting a bit ridiculous. For the first time I wasn’t going to apologize. I always did even when I didn’t do anything. This time I was going to let Nick beg for forgiveness.
“Anyone need a drink?” Nick asked casually. Everyone started barking out orders.
“Hey let me help you.” I said quietly. Brian slowly removed his arms from me. He seemed somewhat hesitant. I whispered. “I’ll be fine Brian. I’m just trying to be nice.”
“I know. I just don’t want Nick hurting you more than he already has. Why don’t I go help him?” He remarked quietly.
“It’s okay, Brian. It will be fine.”
Nick had already walked toward to bar. I followed, my heels clicking on the floor. When we get to the bar, we stopped and waited in line. The place was booming tonight.
“Are you going to stay mad at me?” Nick asked crossing his arms.
“Don’t I have every right to be mad at you?” I countered. He was not going to make me feel guilty.
“Lexi, we’re adults here. Lots of people sleep with their friends.”
“Yes, but both people actually enjoy it.” We moved closer to the bar. “I for one did not enjoy sex with you. I know. I’m the only girl on planet earth to not think sex with Nick Carter was the most orgasmic experience of her life.”
Nick looked like I had punched him in the gut. “That was harsh. When did you become a bitch?”
“Go to hell. I’m tired of people walking all over me. You know what? You and Annalise deserve each other.” I turned toward the bartender. “I’d like a screaming orgasm. It’s been a while since I’ve had one. Apparently not all men know how to please a woman.
“That was fucking low, Lexi.” Nick sneered lowly, so no one overheard.
“Go fuck yourself Nick. Oh wait, you probably won’t be able to get yourself off.” I laughed in his face. “I’m not the naïve Lexi anymore. I’m tired of being treated like shit because you’re fucking my best friend.”
I grabbed my drink and took a sip. Nick grabbed it out of my hand. “Don’t you ever say that again. I never knew you to be the jealous type. Lexi, this just proves that you and I would never work.”
“Whatever. I’m done with you. Go off and fuck Anna. The two of you deserve each other.” I left my drink at the bar and found the bathroom.
Once inside, I leaned against the wall trying to calm down. Nick irritated the hell out of me. What did I ever see in that asshole? I kept the tears from falling. No way was I going to let Nick make me cry on my birthday. He wasn’t worth it.
I straightened my dress and fixed my hair. I was going to enjoy the rest of my evening. No reason to let my best friend; the douche bag ruin it.
When I got back to the table, Nick and Anna were missing. “Brian, dance with me?” I take his hand and yanked him in the direction of the dance floor.
I wanted to forget my fight with Nick. Brian was just the man to make me forget.
Why Are We Still Friends
I was exhausted after celebrating all night. All I wanted to do was fall into my bed. Thank goodness I didn’t have to work tomorrow. The house was quiet. I figured Anna and Nick were sleeping.
I locked the door and slipped off my heels. I padded my way to my room. I heard Anna moaning. I guess her and Nick weren’t sleeping. They never stopped.
Slowly, I turned the handle and opened the door. I couldn’t believe what I saw. Nick and Anna were fucking in my bed. MY BED of all places. I gasped in disbelief. This was a dream. It had to be. No way would my so called best friends have sex in my bed.
Neither of them noticed me standing in the doorway. They were so into each other, it made me sick. I backed myself into the hallway and slammed the door. I ran into the living and put my heels on. I had to get out of here.
Twenty minutes later I pulled into AJ’s driveway. How I made it there in one piece was a miracle. I turned off the ignition and sat in the driveway. AJ really wasn’t the person I wanted to talk to about this. Hell there was no one I wanted share this horrible ordeal with.
I sat in my car until the sun came up. No reason to wake up anyone. What could they do anyway? All I know is I had a nasty visual in my head of the two people I hated the most. I couldn’t close my eyes without seeing it.
“Lexi, what the hell are you doing out here?” AJ yelled through the window.
I guess I was lost in my own nightmare to notice anything. I rolled down the window. “I don’t want to talk about it.” I hissed.
“Fine, but you look like shit with all that mascara running down your face. You’re still in the same clothes?” He opened my door. “Get the fuck out. I don’t know what the hell happened, but you can’t sit in your car all fuckin’ day.”
“Fine.” I got out of the car. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
My brother sighed, clearly annoyed with my behavior. I can’t blame him, but I’m starting to go into bitch mode. It’s easier than talking about it.
“Geesh, Lexi. I never asked you to talk about it. I’m worried about you. Plus, the kids are going to wake up soon and you look like shit. You’re going to scare them.” AJ gave me a hug.
“Can I stay here? I really don’t feel like going home.” I whispered against his chest.
“Of course you can. Why don’t you go get a shower? You can borrow something of Bella’s to wear. Then we will have a big family breakfast.”
I took a long, hot shower hoping it makes me forget. Of course it doesn’t, as I spent the whole time crying. It seemed like my life was falling apart. I was losing my two best friends. I loved Nick with all my heart and soul. He was everything I wanted in a man, but Anna fucked that up big time. She was a selfish bitch. I tried being a good friend, but she never took my feelings into consideration. Nothing like being used by the people you thought cared the most about you.
After I got dressed, I went downstairs. It was time to put on my happy face. It wasn’t fair to act angry and mean around the kids. None of this was their fault.
“Good morning, Wexi.” Ian smiled up at me.
“Aunt Lexi, I didn’t know you were here. Mommy’s taking us to the park today. You want to come?” Alisa said a mile a minute.
“Alisa, finish your fruit. Give Lexi a moment to breathe.” Bella scolded. Alisa went back to eating. “Are you okay?”
“Not really.” I bit my lip, so I wouldn’t start crying. I sat down and attempted to eat some fruit. I wasn’t hungry.
“Are you sad, Aunt Lexi?”
“A little.” I sniffled. “I’m going to go lay down.”
Once I got to the guest room, I flung myself on the bed. I knew I was being melodramatic. Nick and Anna having sex in my room was not the end of the world. Hell, most people wouldn’t even care. I think what upset me, was that fact that they were flaunting their relationship in my face.
“Hey, you wanna talk?” Bella peak her head in.
“Yes. No. Maybe. I’m not real sure.”
She entered the room and shut the door. “Does this have something to do with Nick?”
“What makes you say that?” Bella gave me a look and I started to laugh. “Fine, doesn’t it always have to do with Nick.”
“Well, lately he’s been an arse. I don’t see Brian treating you this way.”
I situated myself so I was leaning back on the headboard. “Brian would never treat anyone this way. He’s too nice.”
Bella sat down next to me. “That he is. So, what did the douche bag do?”
“I caught him and Anna screwing in my bed. It was horrible, Bella. They didn’t even realize I was there. They kept going at it like rabbits.”
“Oh, Lexi. I’m sorry. Damn, both of them.”
“They had no right to be in my room. It’s my private place.” I sighed, feeling frustrated. “It’s the only place in my house that I don’t have to watch them. Now, that’s ruined.”
“Well, Anna is nothing but a bitch. I’ve only known her for a short while, but damn. How are she and Brian related? They are night and day.” Bella shook her head.
“That’s because Annalise is the only girl in her whole family. They don’t even have any female cousins. Everyone just doted on her and let Anna get away with everything. Even her mom regrets doing it.” I explained.
“Well, she certainly isn’t going to make friends with me.” She paused to think. “So what are you going to do about it?”
“Right now all I wanna do is wallow in my pity. I know Nick is an ass, but I still care about him.” Bella gave me a look. “I know. I just can’t turn off my feelings for him because he’s a jerk. My mind says to hate him, but my heart wants something else.”
“Even if he’s bad in bed?”
“Who’s bad in bed?” AJ said as he entered the room.
“Umm….umm….umm.” My face got hot.
“Umm…I don’t know him. Does umm have a name?”
I knew my brother would harass me until I told him. I was in no mood for his antics. “Nick Carter.” I said poker-faced. He wasn’t going to believe me.
“What the fuck? There is no way in hell you slept with Nick. I’ll kill that bastard myself.” AJ was pissed. I should have just kept it to myself.
“Stop it! I’m a consenting adult. Nick didn’t force me, and I don’t need my brother protecting me.” I raised my voice at my brother.
“Well, it’s fucking stupid for you to sleep with him in the first place. Are you out of your fucking mind?” AJ yelled.
“I already know that I’m out of my fucking mind.” I screamed back. “I don’t need you to tell me anything I don’t already know. You better not say anything to him. This is between me and him. Just leave me alone. I’m going for a walk.”
Why Are We Still Friends
When I got back from my walk, I noticed Nick’s car in the driveway. I was still in a sour mood. Nick was not the person I wanted to see. Hopefully he was here to work on something with AJ.
As I opened the door I picked up on a heated conversation in the kitchen. I slipped my sneakers off and tiptoed to the kitchen door.
“Leave my sister alone. You’ve caused enough damage by sleeping with her.”
“It’s not like I forced her. She was more than willing.” Nick was getting cocky.
“That’s cause Lexi is fucking in love with your sorry ass.” AJ sounded irritated. Nick could do that to you. “Where the hell is your brain? You think it’s okay to screw around with best friends. My sister is getting hurt.”
“AJ, I’m old enough to fight my own battles. I don’t need you doing it for me.” I entered the room. Both men looked shocked to see me.
“Lexi, I’m just trying to help.” He gave me a sheepish look. My brother meant well, but I didn’t want him involved. I was feeling foolish enough without him nosing his way into the drama.
“I get that, but I’m twenty-nine. Let me deal with my own shit.” Then I turned toward Nick. “Why don’t you just notify the news, so they can broadcast who you have sex with each night? I’m betting everyone knows about us.”
Nick didn’t utter a word. He stood there looking pissed. I wasn’t sure if it was me or AJ who pissed him off. At this point I didn’t care. I was tired of always being nice and making things better. This time it was up to Nick.
“What if you got one or both of them pregnant? Do you ever think about that stuff?” AJ laid into Nick.
“I’m not that fucking stupid. I do know what a condom is and how to use it.” Nick pulled one from his wallet and threw it at him.
“Plus, there is no way I’d be stupid enough to let him get me pregnant. I’ve been on birth control since I turned eighteen.” I gasped when I realized I was sharing too much personal information. Seemed like I was sharing all my secrets with my brother today.
I walked out and went on the front porch to sit. I needed to be alone. So much was going through my head, but I couldn’t concentrate on any of it. I stared at the clouds trying to figure out what was wrong with me.
“Alexia, I know what happened last night. I saw you in the doorway.” Nick said quietly as he sat down beside me.
It was a good ten minutes before I acknowledged him. “Why? Why did you think it was okay to have sex with Annalise in my bed?” I questioned.
“We were drunk. Anna thought it would be sexy and dangerous to do it in your room. It’s hard saying no to her.”
“Well, it was a lousy choice.” I looked at Nick. “I thought we were best friends.”
“Lexi, you are my best friend. Being with Anna doesn’t change that. It’s not fair for you to expect me to not be happy with another woman. I really like Anna a lot. You think it’s all about sex, but it’s not.” He shifted moving closer to me.
“From my perspective it’s all about sex.” There was no way that Nick was falling in love with Anna. She was just using him and he didn’t realize it. Anna was the best manipulator I knew.
“You need to get over me, Lexi. I’m not the right guy for you.” He wiped a tear from my cheek. “It wouldn’t work between us. You deserve so much better than me.”
I moved to a chair, so I wasn’t sitting by him. “You’re right. I deserve better than you, but that doesn’t make it any easier. I didn’t set out to fall in love with you. It just happened.”
“I knew you were in love with me.”
“AND YOU PLAYED ME A FOOL ALL THIS TIME?” I screamed. Things were getting worse instead of better.
“Oh, Lexi. I tried to not to give you any ideas. I love you dearly, but not as a lover.”
Nick started walking toward me. I backed away from him. I didn’t want him touching me. He took my hand and pulled me against him. Then he wrapped his strong arms around me.
“You deserve someone who’s going to treat you like a goddess.” Nick played with my hair. “You’re so blind that you don’t even see it.”
“Do you realize that there’s a man that is so crazy in love with you? He’s been waiting for you to notice him.”
“What are you talking about?” I was baffled. No man was in love with me. Nick was trying to get me off his back.
“Are you that stupid? Brian is in love with you. He has been for years.”
I pulled back from him. No, this was a lie. There’s no way Brian was in love with me. Nick was playing a joke. What would Brian see in me? We were friends and nothing more. He had never shown any romantic interest in me.
“Aren’t you going to say anything?” Nick watched me.
“Go to hell! How dare you involve Brian in this debacle?” I screamed at Nick. “Brian is a good friend. You don’t need to make up lies to make me forget about you. I’m over you. You aren’t worth the hassle. Just go back to Anna.”
I slammed the door in Nick’s face. I rushed toward the staircase practically knocking AJ down. “Whoa, slow down. What’s the matter?” AJ grabbed my shoulder to stop be from bolting.
“God, I hate men.” I struggled to free myself from my brother’s grasp. “Just leave me alone.”
Since AJ was stronger, he wouldn’t let me go. “Alexia Lillian McLean, you need to get yourself under control. Nothing is that bad. You are acting like a five year old. Calm down and act like a rational adult.”
“Sorry, I’m not acting like the perfect little Alexia everyone expects me to be. I’ve realized that being nice gets you nowhere. I can’t even get a man to fall in love with me.” The tears started pouring down my face. “Nick had the audacity to say Brian’s in love with me.”
AJ moved us, so we were sitting on the stairs. He hugged me close to his body. I cried until there are no tears left. We sat in silence for a long time.
“You may not believe it, but Brian is in love with you.” AJ whispered into my hair.
“Why don’t I see it?” I asked nervously. I’m still not believing it.
“Because you are so wrapped up in Nick fucking Carter. I don’t get it. He’s an ass when it comes to women. You know that and yet you still want him.”
“I can’t help what my heart wants.” AJ thought I could just turn off my feelings. “I just want what you and Bella have.”
“Well, you would never have that with Nick.” AJ said harshly. “He’s a womanizer. Nick is never going to settle down for life. Lexi, I want you to be happy. I think Brian would be the man to do that.”
“Why Brian?” I was curious for an answer.
“He treats you like gold. Don’t you see the way he looks at you? How he touches you? Lexi, he doesn’t just volunteer at the hospital to be with the kids. It’s a chance to spend time with you. Brian is your biggest cheerleader.” AJ smiled at me. “Plus, you two have an undeniable chemistry. You flirt and tease him and you don’t even know it. It’s just natural between the two of you.”
I couldn’t fathom the idea of Brian and me together. It didn’t make sense. I loved Brian. He was one of my closest friends, but I wasn’t in love with him.
“I’m going to go take a nap.” I needed to forget things for a while. “I need time to digest everything.”
Why Are We Still Friends
I decided to use my vacation days. My heart wasn’t in my work. I hadn’t been home since that dreadful night. Call me a coward, but I didn’t want to face Anna. I holed myself up in AJ’s guest bedroom. I hadn’t talked to anyone in a few days.
There was a quiet knock at the door. Whoever was at the door pushed it open. I opened my eyes and saw Alisa walk over to my bed.
“Hi Aunt Lexi. Are you feeling any better today?” She asked kindly, while climbing on the bed.
“Hey Lis. No, I’m still a little sad.” I give her a hug. “How was school today?”
“I love kindergarten. Today we learned how to sound out words. Pretty soon, we’re going to learn to read.” Alisa was all excited about school.
“That’s awesome.” I mustered up some cheer for her.
“I brought you something to cheer you up.” She hands me a cd. “These are my favorite songs. I listen to them when daddy is away. They always make me feel better. I hope they make you feel better, too.”
I felt horrible that my five year old niece was able to pick up on my sadness. I was pathetic. It was time to stop wallowing in my pity, but I found it hard to lift myself up. I wasn’t assertive like Bella or even, Anna. I was just shy and let people walk all over me.
“Lexi, you have a visitor.” Bella said from the door.
“Who is it?” I asked. There was no one I wanted to see.
“Um…I’ll be down….in a minute.” After Bella left, I gave Alisa a kiss. “Thanks, sweetie. I promise to listen to this later.”
Anna was sitting in the living room when I made it downstairs. I purposely took my time. I didn’t want to see her. She looked stunning as usual in a dark blue maxi dress. Her hair and makeup were pristine. Anna could have been a model.
“Alexia, I can’t believe you are mad at me.”
WTF? Really, was she that stupid? Of course I was mad at her. She had sex in my bed. That was just wrong. Why couldn’t Anna see that? I knew she wasn’t as dumb as she let on.
“Annalise, you know why I’m angry. There is no need for an explanation.” I said stiffly.
“That’s ridiculous. I don’t see what the big deal is.” She smiled at me. I wanted to wipe that grin off her face. I normally wasn’t violent, but she pushed me to the limit.
“That’s because you never think anything is a big deal. You just do whatever you want and don’t think about the consequences.”
“It’s just a bed. My goodness I washed the sheets. Your bed is as good as new.” Anna said with no remorse.
“Oh my gosh, I can’t believe you. How can you sit here and act like you did nothing wrong?” I get up and a walk over to where she is sitting. “That is my personal space. My sanctuary when I want to be alone. If I want to have sex there it’s okay, but not you. That’s why you have your own room. It’s called courtesy.”
She started to laugh. “I can’t believe you are so bent out of shape about this. I think you are just jealous of my relationship with Nick.”
“Just because you are having sex does not mean you are having a relationship. You’re just a warm body to him. He likes you because you get him off.” I knew that came out bitchy, but it was the truth.
“That was cruel. Nick and I do more than have sex. You are just bitter and jealous.” Her eyes were glassy. If she started to cry I was going to lose it. “You can’t even get a man. You only got Nick cause I wasn’t around. He never wanted to sleep with you.”
“Well, I wish I never slept with him. It was the worst two fucks of my life. Anna, I thought you were my friend. You’ve turned into the biggest manipulator. All you do is use people. You’re using Nick until someone better comes along.” I hissed.
“Some friend you are. I would expect you to be happy for me. I found a guy that I actually like. You need to get your head out of your ass.” Anna stood up. “NICK DOESN’T WANT YOU. You just aren’t his type. My brother thinks you walk on water. Perfect Alexia who does no wrong and Saint Brian who is practically a virgin himself; you would make the perfect couple.”
“At least Brian is willing to wait for the right one. He doesn’t just sleep with anyone, which is more than I can say for you.” I stand up next to Anna.
“Are you calling me a slut?” She gasped.
“If the shoe fits.” With that comment, Anna smacked me. I was in shock. I stared at here, knowing I deserved it.
“You are the biggest bitch, Alexia. Everything thinks you are so kind and sweet. This is the real you.”
“Go to hell! Get the fuck out of my house. I don’t want you there.” I roared. There was only so much I was going to take.
AJ heard the commotion and came running into the living room. “Is everything okay?”
“Everything is fine, AJ. Alexia is just teaching me the fine art of friendship. Don’t worry your pretty tattooed body about me. It’s all good.” Anna placed a kiss on AJ’s cheek. I saw AJ glance at me. I ignored him.
“If you need me just holler.” He said more to me than Anna. Then he left the room.
“Fine, I’ll be out of the house by tomorrow. Just remember you’re pushing me and Nick closer together. So, you might think this is the best choice, but Nick is going to be mine. Hope you don’t mind losing your friendship with Nick. He’s going to pick his girlfriend over his best friend.” Anna grabbed her purse and left.
I fell onto the couch. I was angry, no more like pissed that I let her get to me. She knew which buttons to push. Now I was losing all of my friends. Life seemed so unfair. I wanted to talk to Brian, but I couldn’t. Nick planted a seed in my head and at this point I couldn’t deal with talking to the only friend I had left.
Why Are We Still Friends
I spent the rest of the evening inside my room. I didn’t want to face anyone. Brian had called a few times, but I couldn’t even talk to him. What was I going to say? Because of everything I knew my relationship with Brian was going to change. No longer would it be about friendship. I would always thinking of him being in love with me.
Was this how Nick felt about me? Our friendship never seemed different. I wanted everything to go back to normal between Nick and me. I didn’t know if it could. If he chose Anna over me, I would lose a good friend. I knew my friendship with Anna was over. She’d still be around because of Nick.
I was feeling jittery for some reason. Maybe it was because I was losing all my friends. I had no one in my life. Things were downright pathetic.
I grabbed the cd Alisa gave me and popped it in. Maybe music would help me clear my mind. I was curious to hear what was on this cd. The familiar melody of Larger Than Life sounded through the room. It made me smile that the cd was going to be full of Backstreet Boys songs. Of course Alisa’s cd would be full of their songs.
I lay on the bed listening to song after song. The wind was blowing the curtains. I didn’t even realize it had gotten dark. I was lost in my own thoughts. I couldn’t stop thinking about Brian.
There was no way Brian could be in love with me. I couldn’t see what Nick or AJ saw. Maybe I should ask Bella what she thinks. I’d believe the female perspective more than any man’s.
“I hear your voice, And I start to tremble, Brings back the child that, I resemble. I cannot pretend, that we can still be friends, Don’t want to be, Alone tonight.” The lyrics wafted through the air.
I sat up straight on the bed. My heart started beating faster and I started to sweat. I wrapped my arms around my knees and rocked myself to the music. Tears poured down my face.
Nick was right. Brian Thomas Littrell was in love with me. How could I be so blind? The touches and caresses. The teasing that was really flirting. Brian was always doing nice things for me. He sent me flowers and threw me a party when I got my job promotion. I thought he was being a good friend. None of my other guy friends, including Nick treated me that way. God, I was a fool.
What did Brian see in me? I wasn’t anything special. Really, I was just average. I didn’t stand out in the crowd or try to show off. My time was spent working, going to school, and volunteering.
The realization that Brian was in love with me was odd at first. But thinking about it for a while, it felt comfortable. What did that mean? I thought back to the last few times I was with Brian. The little unreadable looks and the touches that felt weird, were they because he was in love with me? Why would I be feeling those sparks of electricity when he touched me at the party?
Did I have feelings for Brian? Could I love him more than as a friend? These last few months we had been spending more time together. He was a great guy; caring, compassionate, fun, understanding, handsome, charming. I could go on forever about his attributes. I didn’t feel as strange about it as I did in the beginning.
I was in love with Brian. OMG, it was him all the time. Why hadn’t I seen it before? He was everything I wanted and more.
I jumped off the bed and grabbed my car keys. I ran downstairs. AJ and Bella were sitting in the living room.
“Hey, I’m going to go out for a while.” I slipped on my flip flops. “Don’t wait up for me.”
“Where are you going?” AJ raised an eyebrow at me.
“I’m just going for a drive. I need to clear my head.” I lied. I didn’t need to tell my brother my every move.
“Just be careful. Call me if you need me. I hope everything is okay. You know you can talk to me.”
“Thanks, AJ. I know and I appreciate it.”
Within ten minutes I was pulling into Brian’s driveway. The clock showed eleven thirty. Maybe it was too late to talk to him. I wasn’t going to chicken out. I grabbed the sweatshirt off the backseat. It was a Kentucky Wildcats hoodie that I borrowed from Brian.
Nervously I walked up to the porch. I knocked on the door and waited. I was shaking from anticipation. The door opened slowly. When Brian appeared I smiled.
“Is everything okay? I’ve been worried sick about you. You haven’t answered…”
I pressed my lips to Brian’s. At first he was shocked, but I could feel his body relax. I wrapped my arms around his neck as my tongue probed his mouth. That jolt of electricity I felt with Brian was even stronger now. I had kissed a few guys in my life, but it never felt like this. I didn’t want to let him go. I could continue kissing him for hours in front of his house.
We broke apart a few minutes later. “What was that for?” He smiled and his eyes twinkled. “Not that I’m complaining.”
“Let’s go inside.”
We stepped inside, but didn’t leave the foyer. I couldn’t stop staring at him. For the first time I was seeing him in a different light.
“Brian, why didn’t you tell me that you loved me?” I asked softly looking at the ground.
“Lex, you weren’t ready. I knew how you felt about Nick. There was no way I was going to risk it by telling you. I cared about our friendship too much to lose you.”
“What if…” I started.
“I don’t care about the what ifs. I’m still in shock by that kiss we just shared.” He smiled at me.
“Oh, Peter Pan. It finally dawned on me. I’m in love with you.”
Brian pulled me close to him. We stood there embracing each other. It was right. I was happy in Brian’s arms. I looked up at him and was met with a kiss. We took it nice and slow. Our tongues taking turns dancing in each other’s mouths. Brian’s hands cupped my butt. I was so turned on.
I broke away from Brian’s lips. “Make love to me.” I wrapped my legs around his waist. He took the stairs by two. I think he wanted it as much as I did. Everything was perfect.
Why Are We Still Friends
We made it to Brian’s bedroom in record time. That boy didn’t waste any time. I was nervous and excited at the same time. No guy made me feel this way. It always seemed like I dreaded sleeping with a man, even if I enjoyed it. Tonight my body was a ball of raging horniness.
Brian gently placed me on the bed. He looked just as uneasy as I did. This was a big step for both of us. Our relationship would be changed after this. There was no going back.
“Are you sure about this?” He kneeled in front of me.
I nodded my head. “I’ve never been surer of anything in my entire life.” I answered honestly.
“Good. I don’t want you to regret this in the morning, Lex.” He sat there not making a move. I waited patiently, seeing what was going to happen.
“I won’t.” I whispered.
“Tiger Lilly, you look absolutely beautiful in those braids. You don’t realize how much they turn me on?” Brian rubbed my thighs.
I giggled at the thought. “I guess I’ll have to wear them all the time.” I said seductively.
Brian inhaled sharply. I love that I could make him squirm. It’s fun seeing Brian in a different light. I never realized how hot it would be to lick his jaw bone. My sexuality was awakened.
I scooted backward on the bed causing Brian’s hands to move to my center. Being bold, he starts to rub me. I couldn’t contain my moan, his hands feel so good. “Oh Brian!”
“You like that Lex?” His blue eyes twinkle. Maybe Brian wasn’t the good boy everyone thought he was.
“God, yes!” I could barely get the words out as he continued to play with my body. My panties were getting damp. Brian removed his hands. “Why did you stop?”
“Trust me, Tiger Lilly.”
“I do, Peter Pan with all my heart.” The love I felt for him is so pure. No one has made me feel this way.
He moved closer to me and stood up. Brian took my hand and helped me off the bed. Our lips touched and everything was forgotten. We were lost in each other. Brian’s hands moved down my arms and onto my hips. He pulled me to him so our bodies were touching. I could feel his erection against me. All I wanted to do was strip him naked and make love all night long.
“Lex, I love you.” He whispered against my lips.
“Brian, I love you.” I decided to take the lead. My hands moved to his jeans. Nervously, I unbuttoned the button and pulled the zipper down. Brian was busy drawing circles with his tongue on the skin behind my ear. My legs started to buckle. Brian wrapped his arms around me making me feel safe.
I bent down slowly, pulling his pants down to his ankles. I slowly grabbed the waistband of his boxers and drew them down. All I could do was stare him. He was gorgeous.
“What are you doing down there?” He teased. Leave it to Brian to make things funny.
I started to laugh. “What do you think I’m doing? I can stop what I started if you’d like me to.” I replied seriously.
“GOD NO!” Brian exclaimed. “Do you know how long I’ve wanted you to touch me like this?”
I responded by taking him in my hand. I gently stroked him and placed tiny kisses on his cock. Brian’s hands were on my head pushing me to take his cock into my mouth. I wanted to please him, so I took him in my mouth slowly, teasing his tip. He groaned loudly, which made me smile. I continued having fun pleasuring him. I cupped his balls in my hand and massaged them gently.
“Tiger Lilly, oh….oh…god…I’m gonna….Lex…” Brian voice got louder with each word. I sucked faster and took all of him in my mouth. It didn’t take him long to cum in my mouth. I swallowed and made my way up his body.
I placed my mouth on Brian’s. He sucked on my bottom lip, as his hands moved inside my panties. “Damn Lex, you’re smooth. I love that.”
Then he backed away from me. I stared at him, wondering if I did something wrong. I don’t have much time to think because Brian started to undress me. Within a minute, we were both naked.
“Lexi you are so beautiful.” I smiled as I watched him look at my body over again and again. He took my hand and we moved to the bed.
“I feel like this is a dream and I never want it to end.” I giggled timidly.
“It’s never going to end, baby. We’re going to be together forever.” Brian moved so that he was at the edge of the bed.
I watched as he started kissing up my legs. He took his time when he got to the juncture of my womanhood. Brian started licking and teasing me. The feeling was incredible. Something I hadn’t felt in a long time. I gripped the blue comforter for support. He licked my folds, then moved to my clit. I was moaning and lifting my hips.
“Relax, baby. I’m going to make you cum over and over until you see stars.” He laughed against me.
“I can’t help it. What you’re doing feels so good. I don’t want you to stop.”
Brian took that as a cue to keep on going. His tongue was back on my clit and he inserted a finger into me. I thought I was going to die from the pleasure. No man ever made me feel this good. He moved his tongue faster and with more pressure. “Fuck….yeah….oh Brian!” I shouted as a came.
He continued to licking and pumping into me with his finger as my body hit one orgasm after another. I loved that Brian wouldn’t stop until I had my fill.
“You still alive Lex?” Brian asked as he moved up beside me.
I didn’t answer right away. I was still catching my breath. “That was amazing. It’s never been that way ever. Damn that sounds so cliché, but it’s true.”
He pressed a kiss to my nose. “Who cares? As long as you enjoyed it as much as I did, that’s all that matters. I just want to eat you over and over.”
I rolled over to face him. He started to play with my braids. “I never knew you were that into sex, Peter Pan.”
“Only when it comes to you.” His fingers tweaked my nipples. I wiggled, enjoying his touch. “I’ve wanted this since that trip to Disney all those years back.”
My eyes got large. I’m shocked. “Brian, I was seventeen and oh my, you were so much older than me. How could you be in love with me then? Why didn’t you say something to me all these year?”
He pushed me back on the bed and got on top of me. He entered my body, moving slowly inside me. “I didn’t want to ruin things. You weren’t ready.”
“I might have been if I had known.” I met his thrusts.
“Sweet Tiger Lilly, the signs were there. They always have been. You just weren’t ready to see them.” His lips covered mine.
I knew that he was right. Looking back on our relationship, all the signs were there for the last twelve years. Why didn’t I see what was right in front of me?
Brian started slamming into me with increased force. I loved that he could be sweet one moment and horny the next. I knew I was just as horny as he was. I pushed Brian on to the bed and started riding him.
“Lexi, yeah baby.” He snorted loudly. I wanted to laugh, but I was enjoying myself.
Brian’s hands went straight for my tits, which fit perfectly inside them. I bounced on his cock causing him to grunt and groan. I reached for my clit and started playing with it. The lust in Brian’s eyes was enough to make me explode. He removed my hand and started rubbing my clit as he continued filling me with his dick.
“Brian, I’m so fucking close. I want you to cum with me.” I screamed. The closer I was the louder I yelled. “Fuck me Brian.”
Faster and faster we fucked. Both of us could hardly breathe. “Damn Lex….I want to feel your tight pussy around me. I’m fucking close.”
So much for slow and sensual, both of us wanted it hard and quick. I guess waiting twelve years does that to a man. He rolled me over onto my back. Then he thrust into me and my body tightened around him.
We both came together. When we came down from our highs, Brian was on top of me and we were still connected.
“If I had known it would be like this all these years, I should have taken you that night after we went to Disney.” Brian said seriously.
I started to laugh. He looked at me like I’m crazy. Once I stopped, I began to explain. “Sexy, I was a virgin back then. I was clueless about sex. You wouldn’t have liked it. Hell, I just had my first kiss about a week before that.”
“It wouldn’t have mattered.” He slowly rolled off me. He opened his arms so that I could cuddle up next to him. “It would have been perfect to me. All I care about it being with you.”
My heart was melting. I was falling further in love with Brian Littrell. I didn’t know love could feel this way. I never wanted this moment to end.
Why Are We Still Friends
I woke up when Brian walked in the room with a tray of food. I smiled at him as he placed the tray on the bed. It was comfortably lying in his big bed. I never wanted to leave.
“What time is it?” I asked, noticing it was still dark outside.
“A little after six. My stomach woke me up. Then I realized I hadn’t eaten any dinner.” Brian placed the tray on the bed and sat down.
“Oh I think you got that all wrong, Peter Pan. I distinctly remember you eating me at least four, maybe five times.” I pressed a kiss to cheek. He started to laugh.
“You’re right I did, but I don’t think I can ever get enough of you, Tiger Lilly.”
He picked up a half of sandwich and gave it to me. I took a bite and began to devour it. I was starving. Brian watched with a half smirk.
“What?” I said with my mouth full.
“Nothing.” He leaned back on the headboard.
“I don’t trust you when you look at me like that.” I set my sandwich down. Then I took Brian’s and placed it on the tray. I moved in to give him a kiss. Before I know it he slid his tongue in my mouth. We took our time exploring each other.
“There’s nothing I enjoy more than having the most beautiful woman naked in my bed eating a sandwich.” My face turned pink as Brian complimented me. “You know it’s true.”
“I know.” I started to giggle. “I’m just not used to you paying me compliments.”
“I’ve always told you how beautiful you are. I’m not going to stop now.” He fed me a carrot.
“Oh, Bri. It’s different now.” All of a sudden I got shy. “Brian, I want this relationship to work. So, I want to be honest with you from the beginning.”
“I’m all for honesty, you know that. I don’t think you have anything you’re hiding.”
My heart sunk when he said that. I had to come clean about Nick. I would not be able to live with myself. It might be the end of a relationship never started, but honesty was the best policy.
“Brian, there’s something I need to tell you.” I looked him in the eye. All I saw was love. I could do this. Brian gave me the strength.
“Whatever it is, it can’t be that bad. You look like your cat died.”
I started to laugh. He knew just what to say to make me relax. “Nick and I slept together. It wasn’t that long ago. He was with Anna at the time. It’s not entirely Nick’s fault. I take my share of the blame. I could have….I mean I should have said no.”
“Relax, Lex.” I placed his arm around me. “That’s the past. I’ve known all these years that you had a thing for Nick. I wished that one day you would look at me like you looked at him.” I felt the tears cascading down my face. “Lexi, I don’t like that fact that you slept with him, but it can’t be undone. It does make me question why you want to be with me.”
“It has nothing to do with Nick. I didn’t enjoy sex with him.” I stated.
Brian got out of bed. “Do you still have feelings for Nick?”
“Hell no. Please let me explain before you get mad. I’m just trying to be honest with you. I don’t want to hide things from you.” The look in Brian’s eyes gave me chills. “After sleeping with Nick, I realized that I wasn’t in love with him. I felt nothing towards him. I was a fool.”
“You can’t help who you fall in love with.” He commented dryly.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” My voice rose.
“Nothing.” He walked over and kneeled in front of me. “I don’t want to fight with you. I overreacted. I guess I was jealous of Nick.”
“There’s no reason to be jealous of Nick. He’s not the one that I want. Peter Pan, you are the only man for me. I was just too stupid not to realize what was right in front of me.”
“Well you finally came to your senses.” He teased.
“And it’s a good thing I did. Now get into bed and make love to me.”
Once Brian had gotten back into bed, his alarm went off. He quickly shut it off. “DAMN IT! I forgot I had a meeting this morning. I’m going to kill management.”
“It’s okay. I’m not going anywhere. You have me for the rest of your life.” I pressed a kiss to his shoulder.
“I love you, Lexi. You wanna take a shower with me?” Brian grinned like the Cheshire cat.
“There’s nothing I’d like better.” I jumped out of bed and ran towards the bathroom.
The water was hot by the time Brian arrived in the bathroom. I stepped inside and waited for him to join me. I started washing my hair. The first thing I felt was his hands massaging my head. I leaned back into him.
“You look sexy all wet.” He growled into my ear. I couldn’t help but smile. There was something about being with Brian that made me feel carefree and relaxed. I didn’t have to put on a show for him. He knew all my weaknesses and still loved me.
I turned around and looked him over. “I can say the same for you.” I started licking beads of water off his chest.
“Damn Lexi.” Brian grabbed the wall. “If you don’t stop, I’m going to be late for my meeting.”
“So.” I snickered. “Can’t Brian Littrell be late for once? You know AJ will be late.”
“Please don’t mention your brother’s name when you are naked in my shower.” His hands moved to my breasts. I loved his touch.
We forgot about talking. This wasn’t about slow passionate love making. This was pure unadulterated fucking. I never thought Brian would be that type of guy, but I loved it.
Brian pinned me against the wall and the water trickled down our bodies. He was moving quickly in and out of me. I could barely keep up. My body wanted to sink down to the floor. I couldn’t take much more. My body writhed as I hit my orgasm. He continued getting me off.
“Brian Thomas Littrell, you’re a sex god.” I said while catching my breath.
“Anything for you, Tiger Lilly.”
Brian’s phone rang and interrupted us. He rinsed off and got out. “Hello! She’s fine. Lexi came over to talk. She fell asleep. I just woke up and my phone was downstairs. Shut up, AJ. I’ll be late. See ya soon.”
“What did my brother want?” I asked when Brian returned to the shower.
“He was worried about you.”
“He should be worried now that I’m with the hottest member of the Backstreet Boys. If he only knew what you do to me.”
“I can always call and tell him how I can make you scream.” Brian said as he washed my body.
“I don’t think so. My sex life is none of his business.” I chuckled.
“I think we’re clean now. Time to start the day.” We didn’t move, instead just stood there kissing. I couldn’t get enough of his touch. I could stay in this spot all day just kissing.
“I’d rather get dirty again.” I murmured against his lips.
“The guys are going to suspect something, if I don’t stop now.”
I looked Brian over and gave him a huge grin. “Well you do look like a man who’s been fucked sevens ways from Sunday.”
“Fuck!” He exclaimed. We both burst into laughter. “I love you Alexia McLean.
“I love you, Brian Littrell.”
Why Are We Still Friends
Bella was sitting on the porch, when I returned from Brian’s. She stared at me like a cat that got the canary. Was it written all over my face? I found a seat and plopped down, not realizing how stiff my body was.
“Was Brian’s couch that uncomfortable?” Bella grinned at me. She knew I did more than sleep on Brian’s couch.
I tried to think of a witty remark, but my brain was frazzled. “Umm….I…umm didn’t exactly…umm sleep on his couch.” My face was feeling hot.
“So where exactly did you sleep?” She started to laugh.
“I didn’t really get that much sleep.” I turned away. I wish she would just get to the point.
“What were you doing all night?”
“Bella, just get to the point.” I sighed. “I slept with him, okay.”
“How was it?” She scooted to the edge of her chair. I knew she wanted all the details. I wasn’t sure if I was ready to share them with anyone.
“In a nutshell, the best I’ve ever had.” I beamed. I couldn’t help it. Thinking of being with Brian made me giddy.
“So he was better than Nick?” Bella giggled. She thought it was funny as hell that he was so bad in bed.
“Oh God, yes.”
“So are you a couple now?” Bella asked as Ian walked out onto the porch.
“Hey Ian.” He crawled onto my lap. “I believe so. Neither of us said the official words, but I don’t see me being with anyone else.”
“So it’s that serious?” Bella asked. I prayed that she wouldn’t give me a lecture about moving too fast.
“Yes. Look how long it took me to realize it was Brian all along. I’ve never loved any man as much as I love him. I don’t want to be with another man. My heart is Brian’s.” Damn, I sound so mushy, but I can’t help it. That’s exactly how I feel about him.
“I’m happy for the both of you. You make a beautiful couple.” She gave me a hug. Ian laughed when he got smooshed between us.
“Thanks. Well, I think it’s time to head home. Thank you for letting me stay. I appreciate it.”
“Anytime, Lexi. You’re welcome here anytime. I hope that Anna is gone and you can move on and enjoy life with Brian.”
I wish things could be that simple. Anna wasn’t one to just forgive and forget. Hopefully she would have her stuff out of my house. Knowing her, she weaseled her way into shacking up with Nick. I was worried about him. He didn’t need Anna manipulating him. I hated that he was falling into her trap. As soon as something better came along, she would be gone, and Nick would be an emotional wreck.
I was also worried what would happen when she found out I was dating her brother. She won’t be too keen on the two of us being together. It was only going to add fuel to her fire.
When I pulled into the driveway, Anna and Nick were putting boxes her car. She was really moving out. In one respect I was overjoyed that she would be gone. On the other hand, I was afraid of what it would do to my friendship with Nick. I didn’t want to lose my best friend.
Neither of them looked my way, so I continued toward the house. I sat on the couch and flipped on the television. My mind was on what was going on outside. I didn’t have to wait long because Nick entered the room and sat down beside me.
“Stop Nick. This has nothing to do with you.” I knew I was pushing my best friend away, but I couldn’t help it. Anna won, so there was no use trying.
“Come on Lexi, don’t be that way.” He sighed.
“No, I won’t. I was justified in asking Anna to leave. She doesn’t respect boundaries.” I stop and shut my mouth. Nick doesn’t need to hear me bad mouthing his girlfriend. I don’t want to lose his friendship.
“Anna’s been through a lot. She’s kept a lot of it to herself. Grady wasn’t the man she thought he was.” Nick explained.
I couldn’t stand to see Nick be manipulated. Anna would say things to make people for sorry for her. She didn’t care if she lied to the people who cared about her. She’s did it to me many times, and I never said anything. I wasn’t going to let her continue manipulating me. It sickened me that she was doing it to Nick.
“That doesn’t give her the right to treat me like shit. I was nice enough to let her stay in my house. She’s been nothing but rude to me since she came back to Florida.” He just stared at me. “I’ve been more than a good friend to her. If you only knew what I’ve done for her. Don’t judge my anger, Nick.”
I got up and went to the window. Anna was sitting in the car on her cell phone. She acted like she didn’t have a care in the world. That was her typical attitude.
“Nick, I’m worried about your relationship with her. I don’t want her using you.” I turned around and he was right there.
“Lexi, I’m a big boy. I can take care of myself. I like Anna a lot. She’s fun and a free spirit. Sure, we’re dating, but there’s no commitment.” He said lightly. I didn’t get it.
“You’re such a liar.” I shoved him. “I’d say her living with you makes it a relationship. Are you going to let her bring guys home to fuck in your house? I doubt it since she’ll be sleeping in your bed. Just wait Nick; she’s going to hurt you.”
“And if she does, it’s my choice. You’re my best friend, Alexia. I thought you would be happy for me.” His dark eyes are burning a hole in me.
“Nick, how can I be happy for you? You’re going to get hurt.”
He started walking away. “I guess we should just agree to disagree. I better go. Anna’s waiting for me.” He walked over to me and pressed a kiss to my cheek.
“Bye Nick.” I said solemnly. I knew I was losing him to Anna.
“Love ya, Alexia.” He was out the door before I could respond.
Everything was falling apart. I lost both of my best friends to each other. At least I had Brian in my life.
Why Are We Still Friends
Brian and I were making dinner together. He was busy making a salad while I put the almond cranberry chicken in the oven. We had grown comfortable the past few weeks. Every night since we confessed our love had been spent together. I couldn’t get enough of this man.
“Would you like a glass of wine?” Brian asked after putting the salad on the table.
“Sure, there’s a bottle of pinot noir in the fridge.” I commented while leaning against the island. “I’m going to change into something more comfy.”
A few minutes later I returned wearing a pair of running shorts and one of Brian’s t-shirts. Brian was setting the table for dinner. I walked over to him and pinched his butt. He jumped and I started to laugh.
“It’s a good thing I love you, Alexia McLean. I just don’t let anyone pinch my ass.” He placed a kiss on my nose.
“But it’s such a cute ass.” Our lips met for a long sensuous kiss. Everything felt right when I was in Brian’s arms and he’s kissing me. I forgot about everything when I was with him.
“I think your ass is better than mine especially when you are wearing those shorts.” He smiled as the doorbell rang. “I’ll go get that while you get dinner ready.”
I walked into the kitchen and started cutting bread for our meal. I hummed along to the radio. When Nick walked in with Brian, I was stunned. I hadn’t seen him since the day Anna moved out.
“Hey Lexi.” Nick said quietly.
I gave him a small smile. “Hi Nick. What brings you here?”
“I haven’t heard from you in a while, so I thought I would come and see my best friend.”
I took the plate of bread and headed into the dining room. At this point I had nothing to say to Nick. He made his choice when he chose Anna. I was curious as to why he wanted to be friends again. What did Anna do?
“Lex, is it okay that I invited Nick to join us for dinner?” Brian asked as he entered the room.
“It’s fine.” How could I say no? I was mad at Nick, but he was still my best friend.
“Thanks Alexia.” Nick sat down at the table.
Dinner was awkward to say the least. Brian and Nick did most of the talking. No word was mentioned about Anna. It wouldn’t have surprised me if Anna had moved on from Nick.
“That was a delicious meal.” Nick swallowed, “Do you think we can talk, Lexi?”
“I guess we can. Brian do mind if Nick and I take a walk on the beach?” I looked at my boyfriend hoping he didn’t mind.
“Go ahead. I’ll clean up.” He squeezed my hand under the table.
Nick and I walked down the beach in total silence. I didn’t know what to say to him. When did it get so hard to talk to my best friend? Usually I could tell Nick anything. Now I didn’t even want to talk to him.
“Cat got you tongue?” Nick stopped, causing me to trip.
“What’s there to say?” I shrugged. There was a lot I wanted to say, but it was better if I kept my mouth shut. I still cared about Nick, but my feelings had changed. I was in love with Brian. Seeing this other side of Nick made me question if I was ever really in love with him.
“I noticed that Brian’s been spending a lot of time with you.”
“What are you spying on me?” I responded sharply. I can’t believe Nick; spying on me of all things.
“I’m not spying. I just happen to drive past your house in the evening. His car has been parked at your house almost every night.” Nick remarked snidely.
“Geesh, I didn’t know I wasn’t allowed to have friends.” I commented wryly. “God forbid I have a life. Do I need your permission to have company?”
“God damn it, Alexia. I’m looking out for your best interest.” Nick attempted to grab my hand, but I backed away from him. “You know Rok hasn’t been with a woman in years. I just wouldn’t want him using you like that.”
I wanted to punch Nick in the gut. What drugs was he on? That’s when I remembered he’s with Anna. She loved to make up stories and manipulate. That’s where this had to be coming from.
“Brian is the least likely person to ever hurt me. He’s always been a true friend. That’s more than I can say from you. I’m a big girl. I can take care of myself. And another thing, I don’t need you to tell me what I can or cannot do. Go to hell Nick.”
I stomped off towards my house. There’s no way I was going to listen to the shit Nick was spewing.
“LEXI WAIT!!!!” He yelled and ran after me. With his long legs he was able to catch up to me. “I don’t want to fight with you.”
I turned around. “You have a funny way of showing it.”
“Come on Lexi. I miss spending time with you.” Nick said quietly.
I stared at him for a moment. He seemed sincere, but I wasn’t sure about anything when it came to Nick. Since he started dating Anna he’s changed. “Nick, you have Anna now. Our friendship isn’t as important now.” I commented sadly.
“And apparently you now have Brian.” Nick started to walk away. “Look, whatever I did I’m sorry. Call me when you aren’t so busy.”
I watched as Nick strolled down the beach. I plopped down on the soft sand. Things seemed to be getting worse between us. It killed me that I couldn’t even tell my best friend that I’m in love. Nick was so against it, and he didn’t know the truth.
“Lexi, you’re going to catch a cold.” Brian handed me a sweatshirt and sat down beside me.
“Thanks.” I put on the sweatshirt and placed my head on his shoulder. “How long have I been out here?”
“Nick left about forty five minutes ago. I take it things didn’t go so well.” Brian wrapped his arms around me. I felt loved in his arms.
“No.” There was no way I can tell him what Nick said. I didn’t want to cause problems in their friendship. It’s bad enough I lost my best friend. Brian didn’t need to lose his.
He pressed a kiss to my head. “I’m sorry. Just give it some time. Nick will come around.”
“Yeah.” I sighed. “Let’s go inside and cuddle with a movie.”
“I’ll make the popcorn. You can pour the wine.” Brian pulled me up. We raced up to the house. Nick was forgotten for the rest of the night. All I cared about was spending time with my man.
Why Are We Still Friends
“How are things with Brian?” Bella asked as we started preparing dinner. She and AJ were hosting a small dinner party. I came early to help.
“Good.” I answered as my cheeks redden. “Things are really good.”
“So I take it you’re having a lot of hot sex?” Bella checked on the lasagna.
I felt self-conscious talking about my sex life with Bella. It was weird talking about having sex with one of my brother’s best friends. I’ve never been happier in my entire life. Luckily I trusted Bella. She hadn’t told AJ anything.
“Well, yeah. Brian’s at my house every night.” I giggled.
“It’s nice to see you so happy. When do you plan on telling your brother?” Bella questioned while grabbing vegetables out of the fridge.
“Soon. I think Brian and I are at that point. Plus it’s getting harder to not go out in public.” I grabbed a carrot and started munching.
“You know you have nothing to worry about.” She smiled at me. “AJ will be happy that you have a good man to love you. He’s mentioned quite a few times that Brian would be a good match for you.”
“Really?” I am shocked.
“Yes, really. AJ wants you to be happy. He worries about you being lonely.”
Bella’s comment made me relax. I think it was time to talk to Brian about sharing our news with my older brother. It’s easier knowing that he would support our relationship.
“I was never lonely. I just didn’t realize that love was right in front of me. I was looking in all the wrong places.” I sighed, thinking about Nick. “Looking back Nick and I would have never worked out. We both want different things. On the other hand Brian and I are compatible on all levels.”
“I agree. Would you go to the pantry and get a few bottles of salad dressing.” Bella asked as she finished the salad.
“Sure thing.” I got up and went into the pantry. I had to say I’m jealous of this pantry. It’s a full walk-in pantry.
I started looking for the salad dressing, when I heard the door shut. I straightened up and turned around. Brian was standing there with a huge grin on his face. He’s definitely in an ornery mood.
“What are you doing here?” I grabbed the dressing and walked over to him.
“I missed you.” He kissed me. “I need a few minutes alone with my beautiful girlfriend. I won’t be able to touch you all night and it’s killing me.”
I set the salad dressing down and wrapped my arms around his neck. “I’m thinking it’s time to tell everyone. I have it on good authority that my brother will be happy about us.”
Brian kissed me. “Good. Then I will be able to kiss you in public.” He kissed me again.
“I never knew you were into public displays of affection.” I teased.
Brian turned us around and pushed me against the door. “I just want to whole world to know how much I love my girlfriend.”
Our lips met in a searing kiss. The passion between us was strong. Brian’s hands slowly slid down my body giving me chills. He firmly planted them on my hips. I slid my tongue in Brian’s mouth as he pressed his body into mine. We forgot that we were in the pantry in my brother’s house. Brian fumbled with the button on my jeans as I started undoing his belt.
Suddenly, I’m on the ground with Brian on top of me. I looked up to see AJ staring at us with an amused grin on his face. Neither of us attempted to get up.
“Well, well, well. What do we have here?” My brother smirked as he leaned against the wall.
I shoved Brian and he removed his body from mine. I stood up and straightened my clothes. “We’re a couple.” I couldn’t help but beam. Brian made me happy.
“I’m so happy for the both of you.” AJ pulled me into his arms and hugged me tight. He focused on Brian. “Though, I never want to see you on top of my little sister.”
I started to laugh seeing Brian’s face a bright shade of red. “Brian you can get on top of me any time you want.”
“Alexia Lillian McLean. That’s not how a proper lady acts. I think I may need to tell mom.”
“I never said I was proper.” I removed myself from my brother’s arms. “I better get the salad dressing.”
Once I grabbed the dressing and went into the kitchen, I can hear AJ congratulating Brian. It made me smile.
As I’m heading out with Brian, my brother stopped me, telling me he wanted to talk. Quickly, I gave Brian a peck and told him I would meet up with him after I talked to AJ.
With my hands in my pocket, I leaned against the house. “So what do you want to talk about?” The serious look on his face had me worried.
“How serious are things with Brian?” AJ questioned quietly.
“Honestly, I don’t see myself with another guy.” I paused briefly. “It took me all these years to see what I had in front of me. I was a fool wasting my time on a man that would never love me back.”
“You mean Nick.” I gave my brother a hard stare. “I wouldn’t be too sure about that.”
What was going on? I was more confused than ever. What did my brother know that I didn’t? I wasn’t sure I liked where this conversation was heading.
“Lexi, he’s worried about you. I’m worried about you. I think you are moving too fast when it comes to Brian.”
“This is Brian we’re talking about. You know he’d never hurt me. I don’t understand why you and Nick are so concerned. Brian is one of your best friends.” I’m ticked. I can’t believe my brother is acting this way. I don’t get it.
“Brian has a past. I just don’t want you to get hurt.” AJ put out his cigarette.
“Why the sudden change of heart? Earlier you were fine with me dating Brian. Now you’re acting like he’s a slime ball. Brian has always treated me with dignity and respect.” I raised my voice. “You are the only person that is hurting me.”
“Damn it, Alexia. I’m not trying to hurt you. Nick came to me and told me some things about Brian. I’m not sure I want you dating him.” AJ stated seriously.
“First of all, I’m a grown woman. Neither you nor Nick can tell me what to do. You may be a good guy now, Alexander, but I remember what a douche you were. Brian has always been a sweet and caring man. I don’t get why you have a problem with me dating Brian? As for Nick; he’s dating a manipulative bitch, so why does he care?” I started walking to my car.
“Lexi wait.” AJ ran up to me.
“No. You’ve said enough tonight.” I slammed my car door in his face. All I wanted to do was be with Brian. He was the one person who truly cared about me.
Why Are We Still Friends
Since I had the day off, I decided to surprise Brian with a picnic lunch. It was a beautiful day and I wanted to spend it with my boyfriend. Finally we were able to go out in public and not have to worry about anyone catching us. Sharing my love of Brian with the world made me happy.
“Brian, yoo-hoo. Is anyone home?” I said cheerfully as I entered the house. I checked all the rooms downstairs, but he’s nowhere to be found. My guess is that he’s in the bedroom. I made my way upstairs.
Brian was in the middle of packing a suitcase as I entered the room. “Oh, Lex. You scared me.” He’s startled at my appearance in the doorway.
“Where are you going?” I asked hesitantly. He never mentioned going on a trip.
“Oh, I have to go to Kentucky for a couple of days. I decided to go visit my mom and dad.” He stated quickly and continued packing.
“I didn’t know you were planning to go see them.” I didn’t know what else to say. I was a little hurt by Brian. He never kept secrets from me.
Brian walked over and placed his hands on my hips. He gave me a peck on the lips before talking. “It was a spur of the moment thing. I talked to mom last night. She was complaining about how much she missed me. I figured I would surprise her with an impromptu visit.” He smiled at me with loving eyes.
“That is sweet of you. You’re a good son.” I brushed my lips against his. His body came in contact with mine. My hands wrapped around his neck, and I played with his curls.
He broke away as his cell phone rang. He picked it up quickly. “Hello. I know…Stop. I always keep my promises. See you then.” Brian slammed his phone down.
“Is everything okay?” I asked, unsure of what was going on. I’ve never seen Brian so angry.
“Everything is peachy.” He zipped his suitcase. “I hate to rush out, but I’m going to be late for my flight if I don’t get my ass moving.” Brian pulled me into his embrace. “I love you, Alexia.”
“I love you back, Brian.” We spent a few moments kissing; when he pulled back I realize how much I’m going to miss him. “Make sure call me when you get to Kentucky.”
Turning the television off, I walked out to the beach. I stuck my hand in my pocket making sure I had my phone. Sitting by the phone was the woman I never wanted to be, but unfortunately I turned into her today. I’m not going to lie, Brian hurt my feelings. Would he have told me he was leaving if I hadn’t shown up?
My phone dinged; in record speed I fished it out of my pocket. It’s Nick. He needed to talk to me. I was still mad at him. I sent him a message. Two minutes later, Nick was walking toward me. “That was fast.”
He must have been sitting in the driveway waiting for me to respond. The look on his face told me something was wrong. Clearly he was pissed off about something. I’m betting it had to do with Brian or Anna. Those were the only things Nick and I discussed the past few weeks.
“Anna left me.” Nick kicked at the sand. He was definitely upset about the breakup.
I stared at him in disbelief. Was I shocked? No. It happened sooner than I thought it would. Anna was the love ‘em and leave ‘em type. I tried to warn Nick, but did he listen? Hell no. Sex was all he cared about.
Nick plopped down on the sand. “Well aren’t you going to say something?”
What did he want me to say? I could gloat and tell him I told you so. On the other hand, I did feel bad since he seemed upset about Anna being gone. It was a catch 22. Anna did a bang up job ruining my friendship with Nick. To say I was happy she was gone was an understatement.
“Nick, I’m sorry.” I said unenthusiastically. For some reason I wasn’t able to muster up a lot of sympathy. Call it childish, I didn’t really care.
He looked at me with mixed emotions. “Gee, I can tell you really mean it.”
“Nick, I’m sorry Anna left you. My honest opinion of her is not a nice one. It’s better if I keep my mouth shut.” I said quietly. I looked at my phone for the millionth time.
“Lexi, I know Anna was a bitch, but I did care for her.”
My phone let me know there was a text message. Maybe it was Brian. He’s been in Kentucky for hours. I hurried to check. Damn it. It was a text from a friend at work. Why hadn’t Brian contacted me? I prayed nothing happened to him.
“Lexi…Lexi.” Nick shoved into me with his shoulder. “What the fuck is distracting you? You’re a million miles away.”
“Nothing.” I replied. Nick didn’t need to know that Brian was acting like a jerk.
“Bullshit. I know you’re mad at me. I’m sorry I’ve been a dick.” He apologized.
I felt like the world’s worst friend. I shut my phone off and slid it in my pocket. I doubt Brian was calling tonight. Looking over at Nick, I gave him my full attention. “Sorry, Nick. I just have a lot on my mind. I’m sorry that Anna treated you like crap. You deserve better than her.”
“Thanks, Alexia. Do you think we can be friends again?” Nick looked at my with his baby blues. How could I resist? “I’m sorry for the way that I treated you. You’ve always been my best friend.”
I nodded my head. “I was just hurt Nick. Anna is a master manipulator. I didn’t want to see you get hurt. I was looking out for your best interest.”
Nick wraps his arm around me. “I know you were. My stubbornness got the best of me. Anna is the type of woman that is untouchable to most men. When, she started paying attention to me…it felt good.”
I started to laugh. “Nick, when has a women ever not wanted to be with you. You know you’re a stud. You can have any woman on the planet.”
“Shut up.” He said, as he blushed. “Believe me there are more than a few women who don’t want me.”
“I get it Nick. Walk me back to the house. Maybe we can get together this week and hang out.” I stood up and brushed the sand off.
“I’d like that. How about tomorrow?” Nick took my hand as we set off for my house.
“Tomorrow is no good. I have work and class in the evening. Wednesday, I’m off and I don’t have class.”
“Pencil me in for Wednesday.” Nick pulled me into his arms. “I’ve missed you Alexia.”
It felt good to be in Nick’s arms again. It was familiar and comforting. In fact I was enjoying to a little too much. The smell of his aftershave had me thinking things I shouldn’t. But the way Brian left me high and dry to today really hurt. He didn’t have the decency to call and let me know he made it to Kentucky. I couldn’t let Nick into this part of my life. I loved Brian.
Why Are We Still Friends
When I woke up this morning, I still hadn’t heard from Brian. Seriously, I was too worried to be mad. The Brian I knew and loved wouldn’t forget to call. Panic was setting in. I called him again and got his voicemail. I left a quick message, and then got ready for work.
“Is everything okay Lexi?” Paulette, a nurse on my floor, asked.
“Everything is fine.” I said quickly. I didn’t feel like discussing my personal issues at the moment. I grabbed my phone and checked my messages. Nothing. “I’m taking my fifteen.”
Making my way outside, I found a quiet spot. I dialed the only other person who could give me some answers. “Hello Jackie. Hi this is Alexia.”
“Hi Lexi. It’s great to hear from you. How are you, sweetheart?” Jackie was in a good mood. She must be really happy to see Brian.
I willed myself to calm down. Brian was excited to see his family. That’s why he didn’t call me last night. “I’m fine. I was just wondering if I could talk to Brian.”
“Brian isn’t here.” Jackie replied with confusion. I felt sick, like I was going to puke. Where the hell was he? Maybe he was out with his brother. I was holding on to hope.
“Is he out with Harry?” I questioned. I slumped to the ground to stop the nausea.
“Honey, Brian isn’t in Kentucky.” Jackie must think I’m a lunatic for calling her. Now she’s going to worry about his whereabouts. I kept opening more cans of worms.
“He told me he coming to Kentucky to visit you. He left yesterday afternoon and I haven’t heard from him.” My voice was frantic. I had so many thoughts running through my head.
“Lexi, calm down. Give me some time and I will see if I can contact him.” Jackie replied in a composed manner. I was astonished that she could be so calm when her son has gone missing. Why am I the only one freaking out?
“Thanks Jackie. If I hear from Brian, I’ll let you know. Don’t hesitate to call me at any hour of the day or night.” I stood up and felt dizzy.
My eyes fluttered opened and I looked around. My head ached and my body was sore. I noticed Nick was sitting beside me. I opened my mouth to speak, but the words wouldn’t come out. Nick poured me a glass of water and handed it to me. I took a few sips, hydrating my dry throat.
“What happened? Why am I in the hospital?” I croaked out. The bile in my stomach moved up to my throat.
“You passed out in front of the hospital. Lexi, what’s wrong?” Nick asked, while taking my hand in his.
It all came back to me; the conversation I had with Jackie. “Nick, where’s my phone?” He stared at me. “Where’s my phone? I need my phone. NOW!!!” I screamed.
The blood pressure monitored started to beep as Nick hurried to get my phone. Just as he gave me my phone a nurse walked in. “Is everything okay, Miss McLean? Let’s check you out.”
The nurse checked my vitals and sent for the doctor. Nick wouldn’t give me my phone until everyone left. I had a concussion. Apparently I passed out while talking to Jackie and hit my head on the side of the building. Of course, I had to stay overnight for observation.
“Can I have my phone now?” I asked Nick. Reluctantly he gave it me. Still there was nothing from Brian. Just as I was throwing it down on the bed, it rang.
I looked at the contact. It was Brian. I hurried to answer it. “Are you okay? What the hell happened?”
“What do you mean?” I winced from the pain in my head. “You’re the one that didn’t have the decency to call your girlfriend from wherever the hell you are.”
“Lex, don’t do this. Are you okay?” Brian asked lovingly.
“I’m fine.” I yelled, causing my head to hurt worse. I placed my hand on my head. Nick grabbed my phone.
“Lexi, has a fucking concussion you ass. Stop fighting with her. I don’t know what happened between the two of you, but leave Lexi alone.” He slammed the phone down.
I looked out the window so Nick couldn’t see the tears falling down my face. I was embarrassed about the whole situation. Maybe this is why I never opened up my heart to a man. All I did was get hurt. “Nick, how did you find out about me being in the hospital?”
“The hospital called me. They couldn’t get ahold of Brian or AJ.” Nick moved closer me. “What’s wrong Lexi? Talk to me.”
“I don’t want to.” I wiped the tears with the back of my hand. “I just want to go home.”
“Lexi, don’t cry. I hate seeing you cry.” Nick moved on the bed next to me. I wanted to be strong, but I couldn’t hold it in any longer. I placed my head on his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around me and just held me.
A few minutes later, I started to speak. “Brian lied to me.”
“Lexi, I’m sorry.” He squeezed me tightly against him.
“He told me he was going to Lexington to visit his parents. Then he never called me when he got there. Nick, that’s why I was acting funny the other day. I was worried about Brian.”
“What a jackass.”
“So I called his mom this afternoon. Brian’s not even in Lexington.” I played with the hem of Nick’s t-shirt. “I can’t believe he would lie to me. That’s not the Brian I know and love.”
“You don’t deserve to be treated that way by any man. Brian may be my friend, but he’s a dick for treating you like that.” Nick pressed a kiss to my head.
“It’s just so out of character for him. Brian’s never lied to me before.” I yawned, my body started to feel tired.
“He’s an ass. This is why I worry about you dating him. I don’t like seeing my best friend hurt.” Nick grumbled.
“Thanks for being here with me. I love you, Nick.” I whispered as I fell asleep.
Why Are We Still Friends
“You no good, lousy son of a bitch. You’re a fucking asshole. Shut up, you bastard.” Nick yelled into the phone. His loud voice woke me up from a sound sleep. He was so focused on the conversation that I laid there with my eyes shut. “You should have told Lexi from the beginning. I can’t believe you kept that a secret.”
I pretended to be asleep, while I eavesdropped. Who was hiding something from me? Was it AJ, Bella, or Brian? Nah, it couldn’t be Brian. He would never do that to me. Brian never kept secrets.
Nick slid a chair over and sat beside my bed. He took my hand in his and just held it. It was comforting. It felt good having my best friend back. No matter what I knew I’d always have him in my life.
I opened my eyes and stared at him. He gave me a smile, and my heart melted. “What time is it?” I asked softly.
“It’s eleven thirty-two. Hopefully you’ll get sprung soon.” He let go of hand and sat back in the chair.
“Would…umm…do you think you can drop me off at my house once I’m released?”
“Lexi, you’re staying with me. “ Nick said softly.
“Sis, are you okay?” AJ walked into the room, ending my conversation with Nick.
“I’m fine. I passed out and hit my head.” I said as my brother gave me a hug. “I’ll live.”
“You worry me, Lexi. I go away for the day and you end up in the hospital.” He turned his attention to Nick. “Thanks for coming to the princess’ rescue. Where’s Brian?”
Before Nick can answer, I replied. “He’s out of town.” There was no need for my brother to pitch a fit about Brian. It was my issue to deal with.
“Well, I’m glad Nick was around. How are you feeling, Lexi?” My brother found a seat.
“I feel better than I did yesterday. I just want to go home, but this one here is demanding I stay with him.” I pointed to Nick.
“I think it would be better if you stayed at his house. I don’t want you passing out and hitting your head again.”
Damn it. I guess I wasn’t getting a choice on this matter. Everyone thought I was a helpless female. I could take care of myself. I was a nurse, and knew what I was doing.
“It’s only a concussion. I’ll be fine.” Nick and AJ both smirked at me. “I’m not some fragile butterfly who can’t take care of herself.”
“But Lexi, the doctors don’t even know why you passed out. What if it happens again?” Nick’s voice was full of worry.
“It’s most likely due to me not eating. I woke up late and didn’t eat breakfast. Then all I had was a granola bar for lunch. I’m fine. I just need to fix my eating habits.” I sighed. I felt bad lying to them, but I just needed some time alone to digest everything that was going on at the moment.
“You’re staying with me and that’s final.” Nick ordered as I rolled my eyes at him.
Three hours later, I was stuck lounging on Nick’s couch. Even though I protested the whole time, Nick got his way. It’s what always happened. He used his charming ways to get whatever he wanted.
“Do you need another pillow? Do you want something to eat or drink? I could put in a movie.” He asked as he walked into the room.
“Nick chill out. Seriously, I’m fine.” He sat on the coffee table beside me and pouted. “You make a horrible nurse. Now stop frowning.”
“I just want to make sure your every need is taken care of.” The way Nick said that, I wasn’t sure he was just talking about my well-being. There was something in his voice that made it seem like he was talking about other things. It had to be the pain medication messing with my mind. Nick couldn’t want me in that way. We were best friends. He knew I was in love with Brian.
I decided to change the subject. “Have you heard from Brian today?” Nick’s demeanor changed rapidly. There was a look in his that I knew was anger. He must have been talking to Brian when I woke up.
“I talked to him this morning. He’ll be back tomorrow night.”
“Oh.” I slid down further on the couch, burying myself under the afghan. It hurt knowing my boyfriend didn’t care about me.
Nick started rubbing my back gently. “It’s okay to be mad at Brian. What he did was wrong? You don’t deserve to be treated that way.” He whispered in my ear.
He was trying to make me feel better, but I was feeling worse. I didn’t want Nick to whisper those words to me. I didn’t want to feel the way I was feeling. Love sucked! Every time I thought a relationship was going well it fell apart. This is why I focused on my career instead. No one knew that, not even Nick or Brian.
“Lexi, you’re a beautiful woman. You deserve to be treated with respect. No man should treat you like this.” Nick said as he lay beside me.
His arms wrapped around me and his body against mine felt right. I couldn’t let this happen. I loved Brian. I was a faithful girlfriend. This was practically cheating. Brian treated me like crap, but I wasn’t going to stoop to his level.
I pushed Nick off the couch. He tumbled to the floor, as I threw the afghan on him. My feet sent me in the direction of the back porch. The cool air on my face calmed me. Self-control took over once again. I was strong. I could handle whatever was put in front of me.
“What the hell, Lexi?” Nick questioned as he made his way towards me.
“Nick, I can’t do this. I…I…love Brian too much to hurt him.” I sputtered.
Neither of us spoke for a long time. I was tired and my thoughts weren’t making a lot of sense. Broken was how I was feeling. This was a first for me. I was mad at Brian, but my heart ached to be with him. Nick was so good to me, and I kept pushing him away.
“Nick, I wanna go home.” I said with no emotion. I needed time to be alone.
“I don’t think that is a good idea. What if you pass out again?”
“I’m fine Nick. Stop babying me.” I crossed my arms in front of my chest. Nick and I were having a stare down. “If you don’t take me home, I’ll call a cab.”
“Alexia Lillian McLean, you are not going anywhere. I forbid you.” Nick yelled at me.
I stomped towards the door past Nick. The last thing I remembered was him catching me before I blacked out.
Why Are We Still Friends
“Nick, this is your bed. I can’t sleep in it.” I told him for the umpteenth time. Nick was more stubborn than a jackass.
“Stop fighting me and get in bed.” He fluffed the pillow he was holding one more time.
I sat on the edge of the bed. “You know I can sleep in one of the guest rooms.”
Nick placed the pillow on the bed and sat down next to me. “I know how much you love my bed. You need your rest Alexia. I can’t have you passing out on me again. You scared the crap out of me.” He pressed a kiss to my cheek.
Guilt coursed through my veins. I wished that Nick didn’t have to take care of me. I wasn’t his responsibility. “I didn’t mean to.” I said miserably.
“Get some sleep. I’m going to make you a big breakfast tomorrow.” Nick stood up and walked to the door. “Love ya, Lexi.”
“Love ya, Nick.”
He turned off the light and disappeared down the hall. I got under the covers, but I couldn’t sleep. Sure, I was exhausted but my mind was on Brian. I hadn’t talked to him since last night, and that was a brief moment. He didn’t even call to see how I was feeling. This was not the Brian I knew and loved. What was so important that he forgot all about me?
Tossing and turning didn’t seem to help. All it did was make the sheets bunch up. I loved Nick’s bed, but tonight it was uncomfortable. I glanced at the clock. It was a little after midnight. I’d been trying to sleep for the last two hours.
When I went into the living room to watch some television, Nick was sleeping soundly on the couch. I tip toed the rest of the way in, so I wouldn’t wake him up. Knowing him, he’d pick me up and carry me back to bed. I sat down on the remaining space on the couch.
Nick stirred as soon as I got comfortable. “Lexi, what are you doing up?” He asked with his eyes closed.
“Couldn’t sleep.” My comment caused Nick to sit up.
“Lexi, you look you haven’t slept in weeks. How can you not be zonked out?” Nick blurted out.
“Thanks Nick. I know I look like shit, you don’t have to remind me.” I grumbled.
Nick moved closer to me. He removed a stray hair from my face. “You always look beautiful Alexia Lillian.”
Neither of us looked away from each other. For the first time I was nervous being around Nick. Both of us moved in toward each other. I licked my lips hesitantly; he was going to kiss me. His lips were about to graze mine when the doorbell rang. Nick and I jumped apart.
“Who the hell?” Nick cursed as he went to see who was behind the door.
My heart was thumping inside my chest. I attempted to calm down, but it wasn’t working. What was I doing? I couldn’t kiss Nick. I loved Brian. I was the worse girlfriend.
Nick walked back into the living room with Brian trailing behind him. Nick looked pissed at Brian’s arrival. He plopped down in a chair watching Brian’s every move. Brian walked over to me.
“Lexi, how are you feeling?” He asked while pulling me into his arms. Even though I was mad at Brian, it felt good having his arms around me.
“I’m okay.” I laid my head on his shoulder. “It’s just a concussion. I’ll live.”
“You had me worried, Tiger Lilly.” He pressed a kiss to my head. I know I should be angry at him, but I’m just glad he’s back.
“I’m sorry.” I pulled away from him. I was feeling guilty for taking him away from whatever he was doing in Kentucky.
“Lexi, it’s late. Why don’t you go back to bed? You can talk to Brian in the morning when you’re rested.” Nick suggested quietly.
“I’m not tired.” I said irritably. I know that Nick meant well, but I could take care of myself.
“Tiger Lilly, maybe Nick is right.” Brian stood up. “Do you want to come home with me? We can sleep in and talk when we get up.”
I looked at Brian, then Nick. Nick was not happy with Brian’s suggestion. I was between a rock and a hard place. Do I go home with my boyfriend or stay with my best friend? Either way I was hurting someone’s feelings. I didn’t want Brian or Nick mad at me.
“It’s late. Why don’t you stay here Brian? That way to you don’t have to drive home. I’m sure you’re tired from your flight.” Nick said, shortly. I had never seen him mad at Brian.
The decision was in my hands. “Peter Pan, maybe Nick is right. It’s a long drive for this time of night. I’m sure you are exhausted. You’ll feel better in the morning.”
The look on Brian’s face said it all. He was not a happy camper. At this point I didn’t care. I wanted to go to bed and forget about the real world.
“Anything for you Tiger Lilly. I’m just glad you’re alright. I would die if anything happened to you.” Brian said tenderly. He was putting it on a little too thick for my liking. He was trying to stay out of the dog house.
I walked over to Nick and gave him a hug. I whispered in his ear. “Thanks Nick, for everything. You’re my hero. I love you.”
“I love you, too.” He gave me an extra squeeze and let me go.
“Brian will be staying in the guest room.” I grabbed Brian’s hand and pulled him up the stairs.
When we got to the top of the stairs, he wrapped his arm around me. His fingers gently rubbed my back. Slowly they land on my hip. “Thank you for being so understanding.” He said as he tried to kiss me. I backed away. “What’s wrong Lex?”
My eyes grew wide. “What’s wrong with me? You’re asking me what’s wrong? I can’t believe you. You know what’s wrong.”
“Can we talk about it tomorrow?” He gave me a slight smile. “Let’s go get some sleep.”
“If you think you’re getting lucky tonight Mr. Littrell, you are dead wrong. In fact, while you’re sleeping in the guest room. I’ll be sleeping Nick’s room.” The stunned look on Brian’s face was priceless. “What?”
“You’re going to sleep with Nick?” Brian gasped.
“I’m not sleeping with Nick. I am sleeping in his bed ALONE!”
“But…” Brian squawked as I left him in the hall. I would deal with him in the morning.
Why Are We Still Friends
After a sleepless night, I finally decided to get my butt out of bed. I padded my way downstairs. I heard Brian and Nick in a heated discussion in the kitchen. I stood in the hallway eavesdropping, even though I knew I shouldn’t.
“Brian, you’re being an ass. You’re going to lose a good thing if you keep this up.” Nick was pissed. I could tell by the tone of his voice.
“It’s…just…I’m not ready. You’re the only one that knows.” Brian’s voice was filled with desolation. I was not used to hearing him sound that way. What was so bad that he couldn’t tell anyone?
“Don’t be such an ass. Man up and come clean.” Nick didn’t hesitate to tell Brian what he thought.
Brian voice rose. “It’s complicated. I need more time. I can’t hurt Lexi.”
I pushed the door open and walked in. “You already hurt me. Blatantly keeping secrets from me hurts.”
“See Brian. You fucked up.” Nick pointed out the obvious.
“Nick, stop. This isn’t your battle to fight. This is between me and Brian.” I walked over toward him. I squeezed his hand letting him know I could handle Brian. He gave me a quick kiss on the cheek.
Nick leaned in and whispered in my ear. “Don’t take any of his bullshit. I’m on your side. If you need me, I’ll be in the living room.”
“Thanks Nick.” I was grateful for my friendship with Nick. He was always there for me, which is more than I could say for my boyfriend.
Once Nick left the room, I grabbed a bottle of water and a yogurt. I sat at the island eating my breakfast and thinking about what I wanted to say to Brian. I was so angry I could spit nails. Brian was leaning against the counter looking guilty.
“Lexi, I’m sorry.” He said without looking at me.
I slammed my yogurt container down. “Sorry doesn’t cut it, Littrell.”
“There’s no reason to be so pissy. I’m trying here.” He set his cup in the sink and walked over to me.
“I have every right to be pissy. You lied to me. You told me lies and didn’t think anything of it.”
Brian reached out to caress my arm, but I pushed his hand aside. I didn’t want him touching me. “Lexi what is wrong with you?”
“What is wrong with me? Do you really have to ask that?” I yelled while standing up. “YOU LIED TO ME!!!”
“I’m sorry.” He apologized. I was having a hard time believing him. There was no sincerity in his voice.
“Sorry doesn’t cut it. I felt like such a fool calling your mother, and you weren’t there. Your mom thinks I’m nuts.”
The silence in the room was eerie. What else could I say? Apparently Brian didn’t want to be honest with me. He’d rather keep his secrets and pretend like nothing happened. That didn’t sit well with me.
“Lex, baby, things are complicated at the moment. Please try and understand. I’m not trying to hurt you.” He said calmly. I couldn’t believe he was trying to rationalize what he was doing.
“Brian, I don’t know if I can be in a relationship with you. I believe in trust and honesty. You’re so busy hiding the truth from me. I’ve lost my trust in you.” I felt weak. I wiped a stray tear from my eye. I wasn’t going to let him see me cry.
“Tiger Lilly, please. I love you so much. I need you in my life.” He begged.
“Don’t call me that. I can’t deal with your dishonesty. I thought you were different from other men. You were one of my best friends. You totally screwed up.” I raised my voice. I was sick of Brian’s shit.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Brian screamed. I’ve never seen him so angry.
“You’re the fuck that is wrong with me. You just don’t get it.” I stood up.
“I’ve never seen you be a bitch. Where’s the sweet and kind Lex I know?” He questioned, while glaring at me.
“The sweet Lexi is gone. I’m tired of you and everyone else treating me like shit. I’m never allowed to get angry. Alexia McLean is always supposed to be happy no matter how people treat her. I’m done.” I started towards the door. My head was hurting from our argument and we weren’t getting anywhere.
“Damn, Lexi are you on your period?” Brian said quietly to himself.
I turned around and glared at him for a few moments before I spoke. “For your information, I’m not on my period. Thanks to your absurd comment, I realize my period is late.”
“Not again.” Brian murmured under his breath as his face blanched.
“What…do you mean…not again?” I questioned.
“Nothing.” He walked away. This conversation wasn’t over. I followed Brian onto the porch.
“What is going on Brian? Please tell me the truth.” I placed my hand on his back. Something was troubling him. He looked tortured. That wasn’t the Brian I knew and loved. “I’m here for you.”
Brian pulled away from me and sat on the steps. “Lex, not this time. You are going to hate me.”
I sighed. “You can’t keep it to yourself. That’s not healthy. Eventually you’re going to have to come clean.”
“I can’t” He yelled. The tone in his voice told me he was crying.
I sat down beside him. I rubbed his back trying to calm him down. I was still mad at him, but it broke my heart that he was in such despair. What could be so bad the he couldn’t tell me?
“Lexi, I’m so ashamed. I’ve been dishonest to everyone I care about for the last few years.” Brian said while looking at his shoes. He couldn’t even look me in the eye.
“Nothing can be so bad that you hid it from everyone.”
“Lexi, I have a daughter.” He whispered. Did I hear him correctly?
“You have a daughter?” I asked, not believing what I heard.
He nodded his head. “She’s four years old. Her…her name is Katy Jane, and she’s beautiful.”
My heart shattered in a million pieces at that moment. I never knew Brian to be a deceitful man. How could you keep a child a secret for all those years? “Brian, I don’t know what to think. Why? Keeping your child a secret is just wrong. You’re not the man I thought I knew.”
I couldn’t stand being near my boyfriend. I got up and ran into the house. I bypassed Nick and sprinted upstairs. Once inside the bedroom, I locked the door and fell to the bed in tears. My life was falling apart.
Why Are We Still Friends
“Nick, leave me alone.” I called out as I buried my head under a pillow. I wanted to be alone.
I couldn’t get over the fact that Brian had a daughter. The fact that he hid it from me upset me the most. I thought he trusted me enough to tell me anything. I guess I was wrong. Did Brian not know me? I would have loved Katy Jane as much as I loved him. She was a part of him.
“Alexia, open the door now.” He demanded. I chose to ignore him, hoping he’d go away. “I want to make things better.”
The next thing I heard was banging coming from the hallway. What was Nick up to? Before I had a chance to think about it, the door swung open. He walked over and crawled up to where I was lying.
“You broke the door?” I questioned, peeking from under the pillow.
“Lexi, I’m sorry.” Nick said as he sat beside me. He didn’t take the pillow off my head; instead he rubbed my back gently.
“There’s nothing to be sorry about. You didn’t do anything.” I mumbled softly.
We sat in silence for a long time. I had nothing to say. It had nothing to do with Nick. Unfortunately, my wimp of a boyfriend didn’t want to be around me. I wasn’t sure Brian and I would be able to salvage what was left of our relationship. I loved him dearly, but I didn’t like him at the moment.
My stomach started to growl. “Lexi, when was the last time you had a decent meal?” Nick pulled the pillow from my face. I stared at him wide eyed.
“A few days ago.” I started to laugh when my stomach grumbled loudly.
“I promised you a big breakfast this morning. It’s lunchtime now. What do you say to a big lunch?” He gave me a smile that made my heart melt. I was glad to have my best friend back.
“Breakfast sounded pretty good. I could go for bacon, eggs, pancakes, and oatmeal with fruit.” I licked my lips thinking about all that delicious food.
“Damn girl. How do you eat all that and stay skinny?” Nick teased me.
“I’m a McLean. I also run five miles a day to keep this sexy figure.” I flirted as I got out of bed.
Nick gave me the once over, which made me feel guilty. I felt like I was betraying Brian. I grabbed a sweatshirt and placed it over top my tank top. “There’s no need to feel self-conscious, Lexi. You’re a beautiful woman.”
I avoided looking at Nick. “Let’s go. I’m starving.”
I sat at the island watching Nick cook. He wouldn’t let me do anything. I hated being treated like fragile butterfly. I wasn’t going to break. I could handle whatever came my way, if people would just let me.
Nick set a plate of bacon in front of me. I took a piece. “MMM….this bacon is orgasmic. Where did you learn to make bacon this scrumptious? I moaned, enjoying the crispy, saltiness in my mouth.
He turned around and gave me a smirk. I smiled at him, while eating another piece of yummy bacon. “Didn’t know you were the type to compare food to sex?”
“Well, Nickolas food and sex are two of my favorite pleasures.” I tilted my head and gave him that look.
“So, you like both of them together?” He set down a plate of pancakes.
I blushed before I even began to speak. “I’m not opposed to whipped cream, chocolate syrup, or champagne.” I stared at my plate, while waiting for Nick’s comment.
“I never knew you were into kink.” Nick laughed as he made his plate. I blushed at his comment.
“A girl’s got to keep a few secrets. Just because you tell me every detail, doesn’t mean I need to tell you everything.” I replied and poked Nick with my fork.
He grabbed my fork. “Now what are you going to do Lexi?” Nick watched to see what I was going to do. I reached for my fork, but he held it higher in the air.
I stood up and placed my body against his. We looked at each other intently. I could feel Nick breathing against my face. I licked my lips as our faces move toward each other. Just as my lips were on his, Nick turned his face. He ended up with a kiss on the cheek instead. Then he backed his chair away from me. Awkwardness coursed my body. I was mortified for attempting to kiss Nick, especially since I read the signs wrong.
“I’m…not…hungry anymore. I think I’m going to take a shower and head home.” I quickly made my escape from the kitchen.
“Lexi…” Nick said as I rushed away. I didn’t stop to listen.
Once upstairs, I sat on the bed. Why did I try to kiss my best friend? What about Brian? I wasn’t the type of girl that cheated on her boyfriend. Apparently, I was since I tried to kiss Nick. Everything was out of control. I couldn’t deal with my life being a mess. I always followed the straight and narrow; doing everything by the book. I had to get my life back in control, before I had a nervous breakdown.
Nick walked in and gave me my phone. “It was ringing, but I didn’t get it time.” He placed his hand pockets. “I wasn’t sure if it was important or not.”
“Thanks Nick.” I looked at my phone. It was the hospital calling. I figured they were checking up on my concussion. “I’d need to make a phone call.”
Nick didn’t leave the room. He perched himself on the wall, next to the broken door. So much for privacy in this house. I waited patiently for someone to answer. “Hello this is Alexia McLean. I’m returning a call to Dr. Weaver.” The receptionist puts me on hold. “Hello Dr. Weaver….I’m feeling a lot better… Are you sure... Thank you.”
I dropped my phone on the bed. I was stunned by the doctor’s phone call. My breath was shaky, as I tried calm myself down. Beads of sweat poured down my face.
Nick was by my side in an instant. “What’s wrong Lexi?”
I don’t answer right away, trying to find the courage to say the words, knowing it would make it real. “I’m pregnant.”
Why Are We Still Friends
Pushing Nick aside, I stood up and started gathering my belongings. I kept telling myself to stay in control. There was no need to freak out. Lots of women got pregnant out of wedlock. It was normal in our culture.
“Lexi, what are you doing?” Nick’s voice was full of panic.
“I need to go home.” I threw my belongings in my bag.
Nick grabbed my bag, so I wouldn’t leave. “Don’t you want to talk about it?”
“What’s there to say? I’m pregnant. Now give me my bag. I want to go home.” I pulled my bag from his arms.
“I know you’re in shock.” Nick continued to follow me as I made my way downstairs and out the door.
“Nick, please don’t.” I felt myself start to hyperventilate. “I just…need time.”
He understood that I had to come to terms with the pregnancy on my own. “Please call me when you get home. I need to know your safe.” I nodded my head and left.
The drive home did nothing to clear my head. I couldn’t get over the fact that I was having Brian’s baby. After his revelation today, this was the worst thing that could happen. Would he keep this baby hidden from the world, too?
I was surprised to see Brian’s car when I turned into the driveway. How long had he been waiting for me? Taking a few breaths helped me regain my composure. I wasn’t ready to tell him the news.
“Brian, what are you doing here?” I asked when I walked inside my house.
“I’ve come to apologize. We need to talk Tiger Lily. I love you so much.” Brian got everything out at once.
“You’re right we need to talk. I do love you Brian, but I’m not ready to forgive you.” I told him truthfully.
“I never meant to keep Katy Jane a secret.”
My stomach is churning; I quickly sit down on the couch. “You’ve known about your daughter for four years and you couldn’t find the right time to tell me?”
“Like I said before, it’s complicated.” He sits across from me.
“Explain it to me.”
The pained expression on Brian’s face told me he didn’t want to tell me. Too bad, I wanted to know the truth.
Brian takes my hand in his. “Five years ago, I saw Vienna, Katy Jane’s mother. I was visiting my parents. We met at a coffee shop. Vi was different from other women. She was a free-spirit. Vi worked at an art museum and taught art class to little kids. I fell for her instantly.”
“There’s nothing wrong with being in love.” So far, I didn’t understand why he was keeping this a secret.
“I spent all my free time with her.” He looked down at the ground.
“What did you parents think of Vienna?” I asked, curiously.
“Lex, my parents never met her.” He said in anguish.
I pulled my hand away from him. This was not the Brian I knew and loved. “Brian, I’m shocked. Hiding things from your friends is one thing, but keeping it from your parents is absurd. What kind of woman were you dating that you couldn’t tell your parents?” I was dumbfounded.
“I couldn’t tell my parents. Vienna was older than me.” Brian stood up.
“Brian, you’re older than me. I don’t see what the big deal is.”
“She was fifty. I was thirty-three.” Shit, that was a seventeen year difference, but Brian was a grown man. It wasn’t uncommon for men to date older women. Cougars were the in thing.
“Age is just a number. I don’t see why you kept this hidden.”
Brian leaned against the wall. Tears were streaming down his face. I knew I should have felt bad for him, but I didn’t. Honestly, I found it immature that a man in his thirties had to hide that fact that he was dating an older woman.
“Vienna is a close friend of my mom.” He admitted.
“So she wasn’t someone you had met. Damn it, Brian! You keep lying to me over and over again. You can’t tell the truth without telling a lie.” I raised my voice.
“Fine, I knew her. Now you see why I can’t tell anyone. My mom would freak out about it.” He explained as he slid to the floor.
I pinched the bridge of my nose trying to stop the pain in my head. I didn’t know how many more lies I could take today. I leaned back on the couch.
“Aren’t you going to say something?” He asked harshly.
“What do want me to say? I don’t get the attitude from you. I didn’t do anything wrong.” I got up and made my way into the kitchen.
I filled a glass with water and took a long drink. My nerves were shot with the pregnancy and Brian’s debacle. I never thought Brian would get himself into this kind of mess. He always followed the rules and stayed on the path. I was the same way, and look at the mess I was in. I wasn’t any better than Brian.
“Lexi, thanks for just leaving me.” He pushed past me to get to the other side of the room.
“I needed a moment to calm down.” I placed my glass in the sink. “You know I hate fighting.”
“Lex, I’m sorry for lying to you. I never meant to. One lie turned into another lie, which turned into another lie. It was never my intention to hurt you.” He almost sounded sincere. I wasn’t buying his act.
“You didn’t just lie to me. You’ve lied to everyone you cared about. What happens when your daughter is old enough to know that her daddy doesn’t want the world to know? What if Katy Jane spills the beans? Lies come back to haunt you.”
“Don’t you think I know that?” He yelled. “I never want to hurt Katy Jane. I love her so much.”
“Then do the right thing. Go to Kentucky and be a father to your daughter.” I shouted as I started to cry.
“What about us?” He whispered.
“What about us?” I repeated, moving closer to Brian. “I love you Peter Pan, but I think we need some time apart.”
His eyes widen. “You’re breaking up with me?”
I shook my head. “I can’t be in a relationship that is built on lies. You’ve been lying to me for years. I deserve more.”
Brian pressed a kiss to my cheek. Then he turned and walked out of my life.
Why Are We Still Friends
“You’ve been avoiding me.” Nick said as we settled down at a table in the food court.
“I haven’t been avoiding you. I’ve been busy with work and school.” I commented, while dipping a fry into cheese sauce. It had been a week since I talked to anybody.
“Excuses, excuses.” Nick watched me. “How are you feeling?”
“I’m fine.” I replied sharply. Ignoring Nick, I dove into my bacon double cheeseburger.
Nick took a bite out of his salad. “You know a baby isn’t going to go away.”
“Gee, I never learned that in nursing school. Thanks for the info.” I slurped my drink.
We sat in a silence, both of us lost in our thoughts. I loved Nick dearly, but I didn’t want to talk about the pregnancy. I was trying to deal with the breakup, but Brian wasn’t making it easy. He wouldn’t stop calling, but I never answered the phone.
Nick placed his fork on the table. “I’m worried about you, Lexi. You can’t ignore the situation.”
I couldn’t look at him. “I’m not ignoring the situation.” I said meekly. “It’s all I think about.”
Before Nick started to speak, Bella walked over to our table. She looked pissed. “I see how it is. You’re too busy to return my calls, but you can spend time with Nick.”
“I’ve been busy.” I could barely get the words out.
“Yet you have time to spend with Nick.” Bella flopped down in a chair. She glanced at my food. It was all junk food, which I hardly ever ate.
“Lexi is going through a lot right now. She doesn’t need you throwing a fit about not returning your phone call. Just chill out Bella.” Nick defended me. I glared at him. Most women would think it was sweet, but not me. Now I had to explain to my sister-in-law what was wrong.
“Lexi, what’s wrong? Is everything okay?” She asked going into mommy mode.
“I’m fine. I don’t want to talk about it.” I grabbed my tray and made my way toward the garbage cans.
I took a deep breath and counted to ten. It still wasn’t enough. I needed to regain control of the situation. Ten more breaths and I turned around, walking back to the table. Nick and Bella were in a heated discussion.
“Would the two of you stop arguing about me? I don’t need the added stress.” I took Nick’s hand. “Give me a few minutes with Bella. Go to that sporting goods store you’ve been talking about. I’ll catch up with you.”
Nick stood up and pulled me close. “If you need me, I’m here for you. Don’t get yourself worked up.” He gave me a quick kiss on the cheek and walked away.
As I sat down, Bella got to the point. “When did Nick become your protector?”
“He’s not my protector.” I mumbled. This was not a conversation I wanted to have in the middle of a food court, but I didn’t have much choice. Bella would grill me until I told her everything.
“That’s not what it looked like to me.” She tapped her perfect manicured nails on the table. “Why aren’t you with Brian and why is Nick treating you like you’re a fragile bird?”
I let out the breath I was holding. It was time to face the truth. Bella was trustworthy. She never spilled my secrets to my brother. “Brian and I broke up.”
“WHAT?” She screeched. I looked to see if anyone was staring at us. No one was around.
“Keep it down, Bella. There are some trust issues between us. I can’t be with someone I don’t trust. Things between us are rough and I told him we needed time apart.” I stated sadly.
“Lexi, I’m sorry. You don’t deserve to be treated that way. I never thought Brian would be the one to break your heart. He’s always been the most upstanding guy. Seriously, I saw the two of you getting married and having a houseful of kids.”
“Yeah, well that isn’t going to happen.” I said ruefully. Marriage to Brian was never going to happen. “I’m better off alone.”
Bella scooted closer to me and gave me a hug. “All relationships go through a rough patch now and again. If you and Brian are truly meant to be together, it will all work out. Just give it time.”
“NO! It’s over between us!” I snipped. All of a sudden I was angered by Brian and his deception. We would never be a couple again.
“Lexi, calm down. There’s no need to make a scene. I’m sorry I brought it up. You’re definitely upset by it.” Bella stated calmly. I knew she was shocked by my outburst. To tell you the truth, I was surprised by it myself.
I wouldn’t look at Bella, instead I watched the shoppers milling around. If I could go and turn back time, I would. Then I wouldn’t be in the mess that I’m in. Everything was falling apart.
“So what’s the deal with Nick? I thought the two of you weren’t speaking.”
I forgot how long it had been since I talked to Bella. She still thought Nick and I were fighting. “Nick and Anna broke up. He was the only one around when I passed out. Now he thinks he has to take care of me.”
“Well, I’m glad that you two are friends again. Nick is different with you. He’s more protective. He seems…gentler with you. I assume he knows about the breakup.” She commented.
“He knows. Bella…there’s more.” I whispered. Why was I so afraid to tell her? Yeah, I didn’t want her to look at me with pity or disappointment. I did everything by the book, but this is the one time I screwed up. Oh, how I screwed up.
“You know you can tell me anything. It doesn’t leave here.”
“I trust you, Bella….I’m…pregnant.” I bit my lip nervously, waiting for her reaction.
“Oh Lexi. Are you happy about it?” She patted my arm.
“I want to be happy about it. It’s just a lot to take in. It changes everything.” I replied honestly. I felt calmer getting my thoughts out.
“A baby does change everything. Does Brian know?” She watched me as I shook my head. “Sweetheart, he needs to know. You can’t wait nine months and spring it on him.”
“I know. I didn’t find out until after I ended things with him. I’m trying to wrap my head around the whole thing before I tell him. I won’t lie to Brian.” I said adamantly. There was no way I would hide the truth from him.
“I take it Nick knows.”
“He was there when I found out. He’s trying to be a good friend.” I smiled thinking about how overprotective Nick was being. I could just imagine how he’d react if he got a girl pregnant.
“I’m glad that you two made up. You need each other. Lexi, I’m here for you. If you have any questions about pregnancy just ask.” We both stood up.
I gave Bella a hug. “Thanks. I appreciate it. It felt good talking. I better go find Nick. Tell AJ I said hi, and give the kids a kiss for me.”
We both went our separate ways. Talking to Bella seemed to help. I was in a better mood. Maybe now Nick wouldn’t treat me like I was going to break.
Why Are We Still Friends
Work was keeping me busy today. That was a good thing since it kept my mind off the drama in my life. It was easier to concentrate on the kids I was taking care of.
“Janine, we’re getting a new patient in room 714. She’ll be here in about an hour.” I continued flipping through a stack of paperwork. Sweat was dripping down my face. “Timothy’s surgery is scheduled for tomorrow. Dr. Rollins needs his vitals sent down in the morning before nine.”
“Got it. Are you okay?” Janine asked.
“I’m fine.” I looked at her, while wiping the sweat off my face. She rolled her eyes and walked away.
I busied myself with typing up a report. At least work and school kept me busy. Every other waking moment was filled with thoughts and concerns about the baby and what I was going to do. There was so much to think about.
“Timothy would like to see you. He has a new video game to show you.” Janine smiled at me as she leaned against the counter.
A few minutes later I made my way to Timothy’s room. I could hear him laughing. It made my heart swell, especially after all the he’s been through. He was always happy and pleasant. I knocked on the door.
“Come on in.” He said cheerfully.
“I heard you got a new game.” I replied happily. There was no reason to be depressed in front of my favorite patient.
“It’s Sonic Dash. Brian got it for me.” He beamed.
I looked over and saw Brian sitting in a chair. He gave me a smile. I plastered a fake smile on my face. I didn’t want Timothy to know anything was wrong. It wasn’t fair to him. “Hi Brian.” I attempted to be cheerful.
“Hey, Lexi.” He looked unsure. I couldn’t read his face.
“So Timothy are you going to beat the pants off of Brian?” I joked while fluffing his pillows.
He started to chuckle. “I sure hope so Lexi. Can you stay and watch us play?”
“I’d love to, but I’m still working. I will check in on you and see whose winning. If you beat Brian, I will have a special surprise for you.” I said.
“Hey that’s not fair.” Brian whined. “I thought I was your friend.”
“You are my friend, but I like Timothy more.” I teased. All of a sudden I felt a wave of nausea hit. I ran out of the room to the nearest bathroom.
After heaving up my breakfast, I slowly got up. I looked in the mirror at myself. Geesh, I never remembered having bags under my eyes. I looked like shit. Splashing water on my face didn’t do it any justice. I still looked horrendous.
“Lexi, are you feeling okay? I heard you upchucking in the bathroom.” Janine commented as I sat down at my desk. “Maybe you should go home.”
“I’m fine.” I insisted. There’s no way I could go home every time I had a bout of morning sickness. For the first time this pregnancy was real in my eyes. I had a growing fetus inside me. It was part of me and part of Brian.
“You don’t want the kids catching it. What if it’s a virus?” She questioned. I loved how my colleagues were concerned about the patients. Made me proud of the job I was doing.
“It’s not a virus.” I started fiddling with the stack of folders on my desk.
“Are you sure? You look pale and exhausted.” Janine commented. I loved her dearly, but I wish she would leave me be.
“It was morning sickness.” I stated casually while opening a file.
“You’re pregnant?” Brian asked from behind Janine. I stood up and walked out of the nurse’s station. He looked panicked.
“Brian, can we talk about this later?” This was not a conversation I wanted to have at work.
“Yes or no?” His eyes bored a hole through me. I’ve never seen Brian so angry in my entire life. This was not good.
My throat was dry, as I tried to get it out. I barely whispered. “Yes.”
“Fuck, Lexi.” He banged his hand on the wall.
“Excuse me, but we don’t talk that way on this floor. We’ll talk tonight. Meet me at my house at seven.” With that I walked away.
My nerves were shot waiting for Brian. He was pissed about the baby. Things were not going to end well. I wasn’t sure where he stood when it came to having a child. I’m sure he wasn’t happy considering he hid his daughter from the world.
The doorbell rang and I felt sick to my stomach. This time is wasn’t morning sickness. I was afraid of a confrontation with Brian. I opened the door and Brian passed without a word. I entered the living room and took a seat furthest from Brian.
“How the fuck can someone as smart as you get yourself pregnant?” He spat at me.
“Birth control isn’t one-hundred percent.” I bit my lip, so I wouldn’t cry. I wasn’t going to let him see me unbridled. I needed to keep my cool.
He groaned and put his face in his hands. After he had his moment, he continued to berate me. “You’re a fucking nurse. How can you of all people get yourself knocked up? This is a fucking mess.”
“I know it’s a mess. I didn’t intentionally plan on getting pregnant, especially knowing about your past.”
“Don’t dredge up my past. This is different Lexi. I love you. I can’t deal with a baby.” He walked over to me and sat down.
“Get away from me.” I moved to the couch. I didn’t want Brian near me. “You can’t just pretend like I’m not pregnant. It doesn’t work that way. I’m sorry it was unplanned, but we can’t undo it.” I felt myself getting emotional. This was my baby. Nothing was going to hurt my baby.
“Lexi, I’m not cut out to be a dad.”
“Yeah, I see how you are with Katy Jane. I don’t want that for our baby.” I said seriously. There was no way my baby was going to have a father that showed up when he saw fit. I’d rather my child not have a father.
“So does that mean you want to be with me?” Brian looked hopeful.
“No.” I replied honestly. Brian looked taken aback. “It means that you are a full time dad to your child. We don’t have to be together to be parents. I love you, Brian. You’re one of my closest friends. I don’t want to lose that. I think we can make it work.”
Brian looked like he was ready to vomit. I knew it was a lot for him to take in. “Lex, I don’t know. Give me time to think about it. I don’t know if I can do what you’re asking.”
“All I ask is for you to think about it.” I said solemnly. In my heart I know Brian could care less. He doesn’t want the baby.
“Sweetheart, can we please keep this on the down low. I can’t have anyone knowing about the pregnancy. It won’t look good. If the media finds out; it’s going to start a whirlwind of drama. I’m not prepared for that.” Brian pleaded.
“I don’t plan on telling anyone, but I’m not going to be able to hide it forever.” I snarled at him.
“Just keep it a fucking secret.” He growled at me. His blue eyes are filled with hatred.
I know I should tell him that Nick and Bella already know, but I’m afraid. If he’s yelling at me now, the truth will just make it worse. This was a side of Brian I never wanted to see again. He scared me. “Fine.” I mumbled as I looked at the ground.
“I’m out of here, Lexi. Take care. If you get horny and need some relief, give me a call. Love ya, Sweetheart.” He slammed the door as he left.
My heart broke once again at Brian’s last comment. What did I do to deserve this? Why couldn’t I find a good man to love me?
Why Are We Still Friends
“What do you want to do today?” Nick asked walking into my bedroom. He fell onto the bed beside me.
“Absolutely nothing.” I yawned and closed my eyes. Maybe Nick would take the hint.
“Lexi, wakey, wakey rise and shine, ring a ding ding, it’s party time.” He sang loudly. I grabbed a pillow and hit him in the face. “Ouch! What was that for?”
I turned onto my side facing opposite of Nick. “For being annoying.”
“You know you love me. How are you feeling?” His hand moved gently up my arm.
“I’m feeling fine.” I lied. There was no reason to dwell on things I couldn’t change.
“That sounds convincing.” Nick laid his head against mine. “You know you can talk to me.”
I took a deep breath; then let it out. “It stings knowing what kind of man Brian really is. I never thought he would be like that. He’s fooling everyone with his southern gentleman ways.”
“He’s a douche. At least you found out sooner rather than later.” He pressed a kiss to my cheek. “Lexi you are the last person that deserves to be treated like that. You’re a beautiful, kind, intelligent, giving woman. You always see the best in people. Any man would be lucky to have you”
His words melted my heart. I turned over facing Nick. He stared affectionately at me. Our lips inched closer together. I wetted mine with my tongue before he kissed me. Nick’s lips were smooth against mine. I forgot about everything and just let myself feel loved. There was comfort in his kiss. He made me feel special, something that hasn’t happened in a few days. My arms wrapped around his neck, pushing our bodies closer together. Nick’s hand moved to the edge of my camisole. Knowing I couldn’t take it any further, I jumped up.
“Nick…we…can’t do this.” I stated tensely. I slipped from under the covers, looking for a pair of shorts.
“Lexi, I care about you. I want to see you happy.” Nick lounged on the bed.
“Nick, I…I…I’m just not ready. My heart is shattered. I love you dearly, but right now what I need is a best friend.” I pulled on a pair of running shorts.
“Alexia, I promise not to hurt you. I’m not like Brian. I’m sorry if I was being forward.” He sat up. “It was never my intention.”
“I know you wouldn’t hurt me on purpose. It’s just….that….right now I need your friendship…more than anything. I don’t want to give you mixed messages.” Being vulnerable sucked. I didn’t know how I felt about anything. Misleading Nick was something I couldn’t do. I needed him in my life.
“You got it Lexi. I promise to be on my best behavior at all times.” Nick smiled at me. How could I say no to that? He knew he could win me over with smile. “If I do anything to freak you out just tell me.”
I wrapped Nick up in a hug. “You got a deal. Enough with the serious shit, let’s get something to eat. I’m starving.”
Once in the kitchen, Nick and I settled in to make lunch. He was cutting up fruit, while I checked on the pizza. I’m glad to have my best friend back. I thought I had lost him to Anna. Nick walked over and placed a piece of watermelon in my mouth. “MMM. That tastes delicious.” I sucked the juice off his fingers.
“Ouch. Watch the fingers.” He scoffed.
“Shut up! You don’t need your fingers to sing.” I teased with a smile. The first one I had in a couple of days.
“I do play guitar, you know.” He went back to cutting up fruit.
“You not playing the gitfiddle won’t make a difference in your career.” I joked in a southern accent. “Your looks are what sell those damn tickets.”
Nick grabbed my arms and jerked me to him. “Just you wait Lexi. Payback is a bitch.” We were practically standing nose to nose. Sexual tension filled the room. Nick’s head tilted downward towards mine. We were going to kiss again. Nick lips were approaching mine as the timer went off.
I backed away from Nick. “Pizza’s ready.” I got the pizza out of the oven.
Sitting down at the table, both of us started to eat. My appetite had always been large, but I could have eaten the whole pizza myself. Nick kept a watchful eye on me the whole time.
“You can stop staring at any time.” I took a sip of milk. Nick continued gawking at me.
“I just worry about you. I don’t like see those beautiful brown eyes so sad.” Nick scooted his chair closer to me. “I’m on your side. Things are going to be rough for you. I won’t let anyone hurt you.”
I wiped my eyes, so the tears wouldn’t fall down my face. I was grateful to have Nick in my life. He supported me no matter what. I knew the next several months were going to be hard. With Nick by my side it was going to be easier.
“I have something for you.” Nick ran into the living room. He came back with a gift bag.
“Nick, you didn’t have to get me anything.” I said shyly. When had I ever been shy around Nick? Never. The first time we met, I talked his leg off.
“I wanted to. Now open it.” He relaxed in his chair, as I stuck my hand in the bag.
The first thing I pulled out was a Fit Pregnancy magazine. Then there were a few gifts cards to the spa and maternity clothing shops. I set it on the table and found myself hugging Nick. “Thank you. You didn’t have to do this.” My voice wavered as I talked.
“I wanted to. There’s one more gift inside.” He said while grabbing the bag. He took out a small jewelry box.
“Nick, you didn’t?” I stared at him wide eyed.
“I did Alexia. I want you to realize how special you truly are. When you wear this, it will remind you of that.” He opened the box. Inside was a blueberry diamond pendant encircled by diamonds.
“It’s absolutely gorgeous.” I muttered breathlessly as Nick placed it around my neck.
“It looks amazing on you.” He grinned at me.
I placed my hands on his face and pulled it to mine. I initiated the kiss this time. There was no other way to thank him for being so good to me. I forgot all about my problems and focused on what I was feeling. Nick took things slow, never rushing or taking things faster than I wanted it. His lips were soft and gentle caressing mine. When we broke apart, no words were said. I laid my head on his shoulder as he rubbed my back gently. It felt good to be loved.
Why Are We Still Friends
Today I was having lunch with my brother. He wanted to know about the breakup. I figured it was a good time to tell him about the pregnancy. I didn’t know why I was so scared about telling him. I was a grown woman.
“You’re looking beautiful as always.” He said as he slid into the booth across from me.
“I see Howie’s giving you pointers.” I laughed.
“You’re a funny one.” He picked up his menu.
After our waiter took our order, we sat quietly. I stared out the window trying to come up with something to talk about. Usually AJ and I were chatterboxes, with the conversation flowing freely.
“Lexi, are you okay?” My brother pulled me out of my depressing thoughts.
“I’m managing, but it does get a little easier every day.” I gave him a half smile. Honestly, the breakup wouldn’t be so bad, if I weren’t having Brian’s baby. It just complicated things.
“I can’t believe Brian would treat you that way. You were everything to him.” I looked at my brother in disbelief. “Face it, Lexi. He’s loved you a long time.”
“Well, maybe we were better off being friends. Becoming romantically involved ruined everything. I lost respect for one of my best friends.” I fiddled with my napkin.
“That probably hurts the most. You always admired Brian’s morals. He’s been upstanding since you met him.” AJ paused as the waiter served our food. “What happened?”
I bit my lip as I contemplated telling my brother the truth. I’m not sure he would believe me. Brian was never one to keep secrets from the people he was close to. Was it right to tell AJ what Brian should be telling him?
“Alexia, I promise not to say anything. I won’t even tell Bella.” He gave my hand a squeeze.
I took a deep breath and decided to confide in my brother. “Brian has a daughter. She lives in Kentucky.”
AJ’s drink came flying out of his mouth. He started to sputter. “Wh…what…the hell? You’re fucking kidding me.”
“I wish I were.” I sighed. “He doesn’t see her that often, but that’s why he’s always in Kentucky. Brian’s parents don’t even know about their grandchild. It’s a big mess.”
He placed his fork on the table. “Lexi, no wonder you can’t trust him. If he lied to you about that, what else has he lied about? I’m sorry. Brian is nothing but a selfish prick. What an asshole!”
“Tell me how you really feel about it?” I gave AJ a small smile.
“Lexi, it’s like it doesn’t even bother you.” He gave me a pointed look.
I tried to get comfortable in my seat, but I couldn’t. My nerves were getting the best of me. It was time to tell my brother the news. Why was I freaking out about his reaction? I was a grown woman capable of raising a baby. Did I really need Brian? No. I had the best role model for single parenthood. My mom did a fantastic job of raising us.
“That’s because I have more important things to worry about.” I stared at my food.
“Lexi, you’re not sick or anything. Is this about you passing out?” My brother started spazzing out. It was endearing that he cared about me.
I looked up and gave him a half smile. “It’s not that. Well not entirely.”
“Just tell me before I have a coronary. I hate surprises.”
“I’m pregnant.” I stated calmly. I watched my brother closely.
“Is this a good thing or a bad thing?” He was uncertain about the whole thing.
“At this point I’m not really sure.” I sipped my water. “I just got over the shock myself. It wasn’t something I expected to happen.”
“No, of course not. You like having everything planned out.” AJ scooted next to me in the booth. He gathered me up in a hug and whispered. “Some of the best things come unannounced.”
“I’m not opposed to having a baby. It’s just with the circumstances being less than favorable that makes it tough.” I sighed, letting my frustration out.
AJ moved back to his seat. “Does Brian know?”
“Yes, and he’s not really thrilled about becoming a father again.” My thoughts went back to my conversation with Brian. In my heart I knew he didn’t want this child. I was sad for my unborn child.
“Well he better get glad about it. So help me God if Brian does wrong by this child, I’ll kill him.”
“Calm down.” I stopped for a moment. I knew my brother wasn’t going to like my next comment. “I’d rather raise my child alone than have Brian be a piss poor father.”
“But Lexi, he’s going to be around all the time. How can he deny a child will always be around?”
“I don’t know.” My head was starting to hurt. I didn’t feel like getting into this deep of a conversation with my brother. As for Brian, I couldn’t speak for him. He was going to what he wanted to do whether I liked it or not. “Honestly at this moment I don’t care about Brian. I’d rather not talk about him.”
“Fine. I’m on your side. No one messes with my little sister.” We both laughed.
“Please don’t beat Brian up the next time you see him. This is my problem. I’ll handle it.” I warned AJ. His temper always got the best of him.
“Don’t you trust me?” He pretended to be innocent. I just laughed at him.
“I plead the fifth. So, Nick told me you’re having a big shindig for Kevin.” I replied as I played with my new necklace.
“Yeah, I was going to mention it to you. It’s just a cookout on Saturday. You want to come.”
I loved Kevin. He was always so nice to me, even when I was an annoying little girl. It would be nice to see him. He didn’t come visit often enough. “Yes, I’ll be there after work.”
“Why do you keep playing with that necklace?” He asked, and I removed my hand from it. “That’s new. It’s beautiful.”
“Thank you.” I smiled. “Nick got it for me.” My brother gave me a look. I wasn’t sure what it meant, so I ignored him.
“That was nice of him. Any special reason?” He questioned with a grin.
“No, just because.” I said lightly. I didn’t want my brother making more out this than it was.
“Well the boy does have good taste. At least one of my friends treats you right.” My brother said looking quite amused.
“Well, I got to some errands to do. Call me later. I’ll bring a dessert on Saturday. Love you, AJ.” I got up and gave him a big hug. Telling AJ went better than expected. I hoped that he kept his promise and didn’t attack Brian.
Why Are We Still Friends
“Thank you for letting me come over.” Brian said casually.
I rested my chin on my knees. “We have a lot to talk about.”
“Lexi, I never meant to hurt you. You know that, don’t you?” He seemed sincere, but I’m not ready to believe him.
“But you did.” I looked up at him. “You lied to me all these years. Hell you’ve lied to everyone for years. That’s not the Brian I know.”
He moved down on the floor next to me. His scent was driving me crazy. I knew I should move away, but I didn’t. This wasn’t good. I needed to stay strong.
“I wish I could change things, but I can’t. All I can do is come clean.”
“Are you really going to tell everyone?” I’m surprised.
“I told all the guys today. Now I need to tell my parents. My mom won’t take it well.” Brian said sadly. I felt bad for him. I’m sure this was the hardest thing he’s ever had to do.
“Sure, your mom will be angry at first, but she’ll fall in love with Katy Jane.” I tried to make him feel better. Why was I being so nice to him?
“Katy Jane is beautiful.” His eyes lit up when he talked about her. I could see how much he loved her. Would he love our child this much?
“I’m sure she is. Do you have a picture of her I could see?” I was curious, I admit. She was part of Brian. No matter how much I despised him at the moment, I really did love him.
Brian pulled out his phone. He passed it to me. Katy-Jane was a spitting image of Brian. She’s adorable. “Oh, Brian! She looks just like you. I bet she has your personality.”
“She’s a little ham. I would love for you to meet her. You’d adore her.” He beamed.
“Do you think her mom will let her come visit you?”
“I’m not sure. We’re kind of working on it.” Brian pushed my hair behind ear. “You look absolutely beautiful tonight, Tiger Lilly.
A blush crept onto my face. “Umm…thank you, Peter Pan.”
“I want to apologize for acting like a dick about the baby. I was upset about us breaking up that I took it out on you.” He seemed genuine, but in the back of my mind I wasn’t sure. “It kills me knowing how I treated you. I’ve loved you all these year, and when I finally have you I do something to ruin it.”
Brian reached out to kiss me. My mind told me to back away, but when his lips touched mine it’s forgotten. He took it slowly, not pushing me further than I wanted to go. I took the lead, by slipping my tongue in his mouth. Our tongues met causing our mouths to heat up. My hands slid under his t-shirt.
“Tiger Lilly let me make love to you.” Brian took my hand and pulled me up off the floor. He led us to my bedroom.
A few hours later, I woke up next to Brian. His arm was draped over my body. I liked having him hold me close. It made me feel safe. I snuggled closer to him. So many thoughts were running through my mind. Once again, I was trying to be in control of all the situations in my life. There were so many what-ifs at the moment. Would I be able to handle everything? Right now the baby came first.
“Lex, you need to relax.” Brian pressed a kiss to my temple.
“I am relaxed.” I lied, knowing he wouldn’t fall for it.
“I can feel you tensing up in my arms.” He held me closer. That didn’t help be calm down. “I know what we can do to relax you.”
I giggled. “Peter Pan, we just got done doing that. Hell, we just slept for three hours.”
“That’s because you were relaxed.” He nipped at my neck. The he rolled us over until he was lying on top of me. “I love you Lex.”
I decided to go with my gut. Being with Brian felt right, especially being pregnant with his baby. “I love you, too Brian.”
“Does this mean that we’re back together?” He asked seriously.
“I think we need to talk about it.” With that Brian rolled off of me. He got out of bed and started getting dressed. I took a deep breath. I always seemed to say the wrong thing. “Brian…are you mad at me?”
Once he was fully clothed, Brian turned toward me. “No, I’m not mad at you. I know you want to talk about this, and doing it in bed won’t work.” Brian gives me a cheeky smile. “I’d be too busy trying to ravish you to listen to what you were saying.”
I started to laugh. “You’re too much. Let me get dress and we’ll talk.”
Five minutes later, Brian and I were sitting on the beach. Neither of us were saying a word. I decided to break the ice. “Peter Pan, I care about you a lot. Even when you lied to me, I couldn’t stop loving you. You’ve been a part of my life for so long. I feel safe with you.”
Brian wrapped his arm around me. “Like I said before, I never wanted to hurt you. You’re the one person, I can be myself with.”
My head fell on his shoulder as I looked out into the dark ocean. “Why did you lie to me in the first place?”
“I was afraid. I knew everyone would judge me. There was no way; I wanted you to judge me. Lexi, I was in love with you back then. In my warped mind I thought I would lose you because of it.” He explained with emotion.
“No, stop Lex. It’s true. Look how long it’s taken for us to be together. I don’t see myself with any other woman. You’re the real deal. I want to marry you someday.” His revelation shocked me. Sure, I knew Brian loved me, but wow this was crazy.
“Brian, I love you, a lot. What about the baby?” I asked curiously. I wanted to know his feelings on the subject. It would determine if we continued with our relationship.
“Lexi, I love you, and I will love the baby.” He nuzzled against me. His words meant a lot, but I need more from him. My heart was telling me this wasn’t enough.
“Brian are you going to hide this child from the world?” I could feel him tense up, but I needed to know the answer. It was important.
“No, I’m never going to do that again. Just like I’m not going to hide Katy Jane anymore.” He said emphatically.
My decision was made. In my heart I knew I was making the right choice. “Brian, I want to be with you.” I smiled at him.
He got so excited that we both fell backwards. “Do you mean it?” He looked at me expectantly.
“With all my heart.” I grabbed his face and kissed him. I was doing the right thing.
Why Are We Still Friends
Brian and I entered the house together. Bella came over quickly and grabbed the blueberry pie from my hands “Glad you two could make it. Everyone is in the family room.” She smiled as she welcomed us.
I took Brian’s hand and went to the family room. All the guys were sitting around talking about sports. Kevin was the first to notice our presence. He walked over to us. “Finally my favorite little sister is here.”
“What about your favorite cousin?” Brian pouted.
“You know I love you, but I love Lexi more.” Kevin wrapped me in a hug.
“It’s good to see you Kevin.”
“You two look happy together. I’ve been waiting for the two of you to get together.”
I smiled at Kevin, knowing that things between Brian and me weren’t perfect. We were back together, but we still had a lot to work on. It was going to take some time to regain Brian’s trust.
“We’re very happy.” Brian looked around the room. “In fact, we’re so in love that we’re having a baby.”
I looked at him in shock. I was flabbergasted to say the least. A few days ago he didn’t even want this child. Now he was singing it from the roof top. I wasn’t sure if I should be happy or angry with Brian. There was no talk of announcing the pregnancy.
“Oh, wow! Congratulations.” Kevin said with surprise.
Nick got up and walked out of the room. I knew he was upset about Brian’s announcement. He didn’t know that Brian and I had gotten back together. I was confused by the two men I cared about the most. There was no way I could go running after Nick.
“Thanks, Kevin.” I replied quietly. “Bella do you need any help in the kitchen?”
“Yes, I was just going to ask you to help get dinner on the table.” She ushered me out of the room with her.
Once in the kitchen, I took a deep breath and sat down at the island. Looking out the window I saw Nick standing on the deck staring at the yard. From his posture I knew he was pissed.
“Are you okay, Lexi?” Bella asked sitting down next to me.
I removed my eyes from the window to give Bella my full attention. “No.”
“Does this have anything to do with Brian’s announcement?”
Nodding my head, I began to speak. “Nick didn’t know about me and Brian getting back together. You saw him leave. He’s mad at me.”
“Shouldn’t he be happy for you? You and Brian are his best friends.”
“Yes, but he was pissed at the way Brian treated me. Nick and I are finally getting close again after Annalise. I don’t want to go back to fighting with him.”
Bella put down the knife she was using to cut bread. “Lexi, it seems to me that you are more concerned with what Nick thinks. You love Brian. You’re having his baby. That should be your main focus. Nick is your friend and always will be, but your relationship with Brian should come first. You don’t need to consult him about everything in your life.”
I was taken aback by her words. Bella usually was relaxed about everything. I didn’t understand why she was so upset. “I don’t even know what to say.”
“I’m not trying to hurt your feelings. I don’t want you to ruin a good thing because you’re fixated on Nick.” She said delicately.
“I’m not fixated on Nick. That ship sailed long ago. If I didn’t love Brian, I wouldn’t have gotten back together with him. That doesn’t mean I can’t get upset when I hurt my friend’s feelings.” Bella had pissed me off. I was in love with Brian.
The door slammed shut causing both Bella and me to jump. Nick walked over toward us. “Bella, something came up. I need to leave. Thanks for inviting me.”
Then Nick walked out the door. He didn’t even look at me, let alone talk to me. My feelings were hurt. I tried to not let it show, because Bella would have a field day with it. I excused myself from the kitchen.
After spending fifteen minutes hiding in the bathroom, I made my way outside. Everyone was sitting on the deck enjoying each other’s company. I walked over and took a seat next to Brian. He was busy talking to Howie and Kevin to even notice me.
“You ok, Lexi.” My brother asked.
“I’m fine.” I mouthed, not really wanting to get into a discussion. Bella’s attitude pissed me off. No matter what I did, I wasn’t pleasing anyone. Everyone had their thoughts and opinions about my life. It didn’t matter what I wanted, well if I knew what I wanted.
AJ grabbed my hand and pulled me out of my seat. “Let’s take a walk.” Reluctantly, I followed my brother into the yard. He didn’t force me to speak. Instead we walked around looking at the flowers.
“Alexia, you’ve been quiet all day.”
“Yeah.” I said quietly, looking at the ground.
“Is everything okay?” He wrapped his arm around me.
“Everything is fine. I’m just not feeling so hot.” There was no way I was going to tell him about my conversation with his wife. I didn’t want his take on the situation. It was easier just to pretend like everything was fine.
“Does this have anything to do with Nick?” AJ paused. “Or Brian?” He wasn’t going to give up.
“It has nothing to do with either of them. Why does everyone think my life revolves around men? Maybe I just don’t feel good.” I stomped off towards the house. I had enough of everyone today.
Everyone on the deck stared at me. No one was used to seeing me mad. I was always a happy-go-lucky, people pleaser. Today that was not the case. Anybody and everybody was making me mad.
“Brian, can we go home?” I asked nicely.
“Tiger Lily, we just got here. Dinner will be ready shortly. Can’t you wait a while?” He took a swig of his beer.
“No, I want to go home. I’m not feeling well.” I stated honestly. There was no way I was going to last the evening with the sour mood I was in. Maybe it was pregnancy hormones causing me to feel irritated with everyone. I wasn’t sure. All I knew is that I wanted to go home, get into my pajamas and watch funny movies.
“We’ll go home after dinner.” Brian brushed me off. That was my breaking point.
“Would someone please take me home?” I growled, getting madder by the minute.
They all looked at me. Kevin was the first and only one to stand up. “I’ll take you home. Let me get my keys, sweetheart.”
After Kevin left, Brian stood up. “What a way to ruin a party.”
“What a way to be jerk. Don’t bother coming over later. I’m going to bed as soon as I get home.” With that I walked away. I wasn’t going to let him see me cry.
Why Are We Still Friends
“Brian!” I yelled as I entered the living room. He had been avoiding me for past two days. He was still mad at me about leaving the cookout.
“I’m in the kitchen.” He responded.
I entered the kitchen. Brian was making a cup of coffee. When he finished he moved over to the island and started reading a magazine. Apparently he didn’t want to talk to me.
“I guess I’ll just go.” I said softly. My feelings were hurt by his attitude towards me. I didn’t do anything. He was the one who acted like a jerk towards me in front of everyone.
Brian threw the paper on down. I looked up and saw the anger in his eyes. “I can’t believe you embarrassed me in front of everyone.”
“I embarrassed you.” I uttered in astonishment. “You were the one who wouldn’t take me home. It’s a shame that my boyfriend cares more about his friends than his own girlfriend. At least Kevin was a gentleman, which is more than I can say for you.”
“God forbid I wanted to spend some time with my friends and family. I hadn’t seen Kevin for months. You were fine until your precious best friend left in a snit.”
“What does Nick have to do with anything? You know he’s your best friend, too.”
“Until you walk into the room.” Brian pointed out.
I had to laugh at this conversation. It was totally ridiculous that he changed the topic to be about Nick. “Are you jealous of Nick?”
“Hell no! I’m not jealous. There’s no reason for me to be jealous. I have parts of you that Nick will never have.” He said with anger.
Tears were forming, but I was trying to hold them back. “That was a low blow.”
Brian stood up and walked over toward me. He grabbed my shoulder. “Tiger Lilly, I didn’t mean it. I’m sorry…I’m so sorry.”
“Save it.” I pushed him away. “How dare you talk to me like that? You have the audacity to say such harsh things and think an apology will fix it.”
“There are no buts.” I started walking out of the kitchen.
“Tiger Lilly, don’t leave.” I turned around to see what he wanted. “I get jealous. I can’t help it. I love you so much that it’s hard to see you with Nick sometimes.”
“Peter Pan, you’re the one I love. You have no reason to be jealous of Nick. We’re just friends.” Lying to Brian made me feel horrible. I couldn’t lie to myself; I did have feelings for Nick. Maybe I wasn’t sure what they were. Maybe I was pretending with Brian. I really didn’t know. The one thing I did know was that I loved them both.
“Can you forgive me?” Brian’s face was filled with love. I answered with a kiss. It was a heated kiss. I couldn’t get enough of him. “Let’s go upstairs.”
Brian came out of the bathroom as I started putting on my shoes. “You’re leaving?” He questioned.
“Yeah, I’m meeting my mom for dinner.” I replied why slipping on my shoes.
“You going home first?”
“No. Why?” I asked curiously.
“She’s going to think we spent the afternoon making love.” He laughed. I looked in the mirror and he was right. My hair was all over the place, even though we slept most of the afternoon.
“Well she’s going to figure that out that we have sex when I tell her we’re having a baby.” I giggled, as I wrapped myself around Brian.
“Why don’t you and your mom have dinner here? We can order in.” I stared up at Brian. He gently kissed me. “I’d like to be there to tell her about the baby.”
“Do you mean it?” I asked surprised.
“I do. Call your mom. Tell her to come over around seven. I’ll draw you a bubble bath.”
“Thank you, Brian.” I gave him a quick peck on the nose. “I didn’t want to have to tell her on my own.”
“I wouldn’t make you tell her by yourself. We’re in this together.” He said lovingly.
“Thanks Peter Pan. You’re the best.”
“No, you’re the best.” He mocked, trying to lighten the mood. Things were still slightly uncomfortable between us.
“No, you’re the best.”
“You’re right. I’m the best.” Brian tickled me. “Now go call your mom.”
Two hours later, Brian and I were snuggling on the couch waiting for my mom. I was enjoying the moment. We didn’t exactly make up. I would say we came to a truce. Our problem wasn’t solved by any means. For now, I was going to let it slide. Knowing me, I was reading more into it. It didn’t help that Nick was always in the back of my mind. If I didn’t resolve that issue soon, it was going to cause bigger rift in my relationships with Brian.
The doorbell rang and Brian went to answer the door. I took a few deep breaths. Why was I nervous telling my mom about the pregnancy? She’d be thrilled with having another grandchild.
Brian escorted my mom into the living. She walked over and gave me a hug. “It’s good to see you Alexia. You’re so busy. I hardly get to see you.”
“I know, mom. “ I sighed.
She sat down on the chair across from me. Brian came and sat beside me. We sat quietly for a few minutes. I grabbed Brian’s hand hoping it would give me the strength I needed.
“So what is new?” Mom started the conversation.
“Just busy with work and school.” I replied quickly; getting a raised eyebrow from my mother. “Mom, how would you feel about another grandchild?”
“Is Bella pregnant again? I didn’t think they were having anymore.”
I breathed in a deep breath and let it out. “No, she’s not pregnant. Brian and I are having a baby.”
She jumped up and rushed over toward me. First she gave me a hug. Then Brian. “I’m so happy for you! You’re going to be the best mom. Wow, I can’t believe my baby is having a baby. ”
“Of course she is. Lexi was meant to be a mom. Every kid adores her as much as she adores them.” Brian complimented me.
“Thanks mom.” I said with as much enthusiasm as I could muster. Which wasn’t much. I noticed that my mom didn’t mention Brian in her congratulatory speech. Hopefully he didn’t notice it, but if he did there was no mention of it.
“You’re welcome honey.”
Something was off with my mom. She was happy for me, but not same happy she was when AJ and Bella announced they were going to be parents. I’m not going to lie. My heart was crushed. Why wasn’t my mom truly excited for me? I loved this baby with all my heart. Brian and I had created a baby because we loved each other. I wanted everyone to be just as happy as we were about the baby.
Why Are We Still Friends
My gut instinct about my mom was correct. A few days later, she called to talk about it. Fortunately I was busy with work and school, so we weren’t able to meet until today. Mom was sitting in the living room, while I was taking my time making tea.
I brought out two steaming cups of tea and placed them on the coffee table. I got comfortable on the couch. Neither of us spoke. I didn’t know what to say. My mom seemed uncertain about bringing the subject of the baby up. I decided to take the leap and get the conversation started. “Do you think I’ll make as good a mom as you?”
“Sweetheart, you’re going to be a wonderful mom.” She sipped her tea. “I don’t know why you doubt yourself. You have always had a way with children.”
I sighed at my mother’s comment. Why was everything so complex? I thought having a baby would make things easier, maybe even happier. I was dead wrong.
“Alexia, what’s wrong? I’ve never seen you this despondent since your goldfish died in first grade.”
“It’s nothing. Just stressed with work and school.” I lied. There was no way I could tell my mom the truth. I wasn’t sure what the truth was anymore.
“How are things with Brian? You’ve been pretty hush hush about it.” Mom asked curiously.
I bit my lip, trying to figure out how to put the words together. “Things are okay…I mean good.” I said quickly. My mother stared at me in disbelief.
“In all your years, Alexia, I have never seen you like this. Where is my daughter?” Denise asked sharply.
I knew what she was getting at. No one had to tell me I changed. The last few months had me questioning myself daily. I kept it to myself because I didn’t want to admit that I somehow royally fucked up so much of my life. It didn’t help that I wasn’t sure how to fix it either.
“I’m still here.” I replied stubbornly.
Mom banged her cup on the end table. “Sweetheart, you don’t seem happy. It shows on your face and in your actions. You’re just going through the motions.”
It hurt hearing her say that. Could I deny it? No. My mom was right. I was going through the motions.
“Mom, why is life so complicated?” I questioned, not expecting an answer.
“I don’t think you’re talking about life. This has everything to do with Brian.” Mom didn’t mince words. I was taken aback by her bluntness. “Don’t look at me like that Alexia.”
I attempted to get comfortable, but I was starting to feel sick. This time is wasn’t morning sickness. “I thought you liked Brian.” I said quietly.
“I love Brian like a son. He’s just not the right man for you.” Mom said softly.
Anger bubbled up inside me. My own mother was against my relationship. No matter what I did in my personal life, someone didn’t like it. I had Bella who thought I wasn’t devoted to my boyfriend. Now my mother thought I was making the biggest mistake of my life.
“I finally found someone who actually loves me as much as I love them. We’re having a baby together. It’s a fine time now to tell me how you really feel.” I raised my voice, letting my anger out.
“I haven’t seen much of you since the two of you got together. You’ve kept to yourself for the last few months. That’s not like you.”
“God forbid, I have a life for once. I’m not sitting home waiting for you to call me. Do you think I like the pity calls I would get from you every Saturday night? For once someone actually loves and cares about me.” I bit my lip to hold back the tears.
“Because he’s not the right man for you.” Mom pressed on. “Lexi, I don’t want you to settle because you are lonely.”
I took a deep breath. “You act like Brian is some kind of monster. How dare you?”
“I’m not going to lie. Brian is one of the nicest guys I know. That doesn’t mean he’s right for you. You’re not yourself when you’re around him.” Mom looked as discouraged as I felt.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I said defensively. I stood up and walked over to the window. It was dark and the wind was blowing. A storm was brewing outside and within me.
“Look at me Alexia Lillian.” She waited for me turn around. “Honey, when you first started dating, you were happy. Then when you fainted at work, it all seemed to change. Your eyes say it all. You don’t look at Brian the same way you did in the beginning.”
My eyes were closed, holding back tears. Did everyone see what my mom saw? Why didn’t anyone confront me? I opened my eyes. The look on my mom’s face was one of love. I took a seat next to her. She hugged me like all moms do, but I didn’t feel any better. In fact, it made me feel worse.
“Not everything is as perfect as it seems. I love Brian, but he lied to me. How do you lie about your own child? How do you lie to the person you love? I just don’t understand.” I admitted some of fears.
“You shouldn’t have to deal with deceit. A man that truly loves you won’t lie to you.”
“But if you truly love someone don’t you try to overcome it?” I started defending Brian again. “He’s not the only person who’s hurt me. Nick has done it, too.”
“You were able to fix it with Nick. Why not with Brian?” Mom questioned.
“Nick is Nick. We always get mad at each other. Then we make up. Things have always been easy with Nick.” I said lightly.
“You and Nick have a special bond. From the first time you met there was something special between the two of you.” She smiled at me.
“He’s my best friend.” I said nonchalantly. There was no reason to bring up my feelings for him. It only deepened the guilt I was feeling. My emotions were getting the best of me, especially after what happened with Nick in the bathroom.
“It’s more than that. You and Nick fit. I’ve always seen the two of you as a couple.” Mom gave me a sheepish grin.
I couldn’t believe she was saying this. Now wasn’t the time. I was with Brian. I loved Brian. He was the father of my child. Nick didn’t fit into the equation. He couldn’t be part of it. Brian and I were meant to be together. It’s how things had to be. I had to do the right thing.
“Mom, I’m not feeling so hot.” I said abruptly. “Maybe I should go rest.”
She gave me the mom look. “Are you sure this isn’t about Brian and Nick? I’m going to be honest with you. Brian does not make you happy. He’s taking the life out of you.”
This time I can’t hold back the tears. “But he’s the father of my baby.”
“You just proved my point, Alexia.” Mom said softly. “I love you and want you to be happy. You owe it to yourself to be loved by a man that loves you with everything he is.”
“MOM, JUST STOP!!! YOU NEED TO GO.” My voice rose.
“Lexi, I’m not doing this to hurt you. Just remember this if you can love the wrong person that much; just imagine how much you can love the right one.” She gave me a quick hug and left.
I fell onto the couch, as the tears clouded my judgment. What was I going to do?
Why Are We Still Friends
Sitting on the couch wallowing in pity wasn’t helping. I didn’t know what I wanted. Did it matter what I wanted? I had to think about my child. He or she was going to be the most important person in my life.
The doorbell pulled me out of my thoughts. I wiped my eyes on my shirt. Then I meandered my way to the door. When I opened the door I was shocked as hell. Annalise was standing on my porch.
“You can close your mouth, Alexia.” She said pushing her way inside. “We need to talk.”
“You need to leave.” I attempted to remain calm. It wasn’t working.
“I’m not leaving until you hear what I have to say.”
“Make it quick. I’m not feeling well.” This was not a good time for her to be here. I hope she made this visit short.
“Yeah, my mom told me Brian knocked you up. Congrats on tying down Brian with another baby. Now he’ll have two bastard children to deal with.” Anna said smugly as she sat down on the couch.
“If you’re here to insult me, please leave.” I stated calmly, even though I wanted to yell at her.
“Sweetheart, I’m here to give you some advice. By the way my parents are in love with little Katy Jane. She’s the light of their life.”
I leaned against the wall. My stomach was queasy enough that I was ready to throw up. I willed my body to stop. “They should be. She is their granddaughter.”
“You better watch your precious, saint of a boyfriend. He’s really getting close to Vienna. She’s more of a woman than you’ll ever be. Apparently she knows what she’s doing in the bedroom.” Anna stated with an evil smirk.
I trusted Brian. He wouldn’t hurt me more than he already had. He was all in when it came to me and the baby. At least I thought he was. Now I wasn’t so sure. I put those thoughts out of my head. Anna was trying to cast doubt in my mind.
“Aren’t you going to say anything?” She laughed. “That’s right. You’ve always let people walk all over you. I know I’ve been doing it since we were kids. You didn’t even notice. I always got my way. You are pathetic Alexia. You’re never going to find a man that loves you. All men will use you and then get rid of you when they had their fill.”
“How can you be so cruel? I’ve never done anything to you, except be the very best friend I could.” I felt the tears prick my eyes. Why did I have to cry in front of Anna? Why couldn’t I be stronger?
“And you had everything. Everyone loved you. You were perfect in their eyes. Kevin loved you. So did Brian. You had everyone wrapped around your finger. I was always the trouble maker, bitch. Lexi could do no wrong. I was nobody when you were around.” Anna spat out venomously.
I’m shocked. In all my years of knowing Annalise, I never knew she felt this way. I must have been blind not to see it. It made a lot of sense, but it hurt that she blamed me for everything.
“Anna, I never….I …It was…never…my…intention.” The words were hard to get out.
“Of course not. Alexia McLean would never intentionally hurt anyone’s feelings. She’s too nice.”
My heart started to pound and my stomach was hurting. I slowly sunk down on a chair. This was not good for my baby. “You need to leave.” I stated firmly.
“I’ll leave when I’m good and ready. Stop being a baby.” She got up and moved closer to where I was sitting. “You want to know the reason I fucked Nick?”
I nodded my head and waited for her to continue. The look in her eyes was scaring me. I just wanted her out of my house. Who knew what she was capable of?
“I fucked your best friend because I knew it would make you insanely jealous. It was the one thing you always wanted and could never have. You had a crush on him since the first time he talked to you. It was pathetic how you gushed over him all these years.” She cackled. “The funny thing, I liked him, too. He never showered me with attention like he did you. Hell, even when I was his little sex toy it was still all about you. You were all he fucking talked about. The only way to shut him up was to have sex.”
“Annalise, I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. If I had known you had feelings for Nick, I would have backed off.” I bent over in pain.
“There she is, sweet Lexi, always helping her friends. Go to hell. First you took Nick away from me; then my brother. Consider yourself lucky bitch. You can have both of them. They aren’t worth my time or effort. Just know you’ll get yours someday.”
The pain in my stomach is excruciating. I can’t stand it. I double over falling to the floor. “Anna, I need your help. Call 9-1-1.”
“Oh, poor Lexi needs someone’s help. I don’t know the number.” She laughed manically.
“What is going on?” My mom’s voice reverberated through the room.
“Mom.” I struggled to get the words out. “The baby. Call 9-1-1.”
Mom grabbed the phone and made the call, while Anna looked at me with fear. I just wanted my baby to be alright. Please God, don’t let anything happen to my baby. I couldn’t stand the ache in my stomach. The room was spinning around me. Why was I so cold?
“Annalise, if anything happens to Lexi or that baby, I’ll hold you personally responsible.” It was the last words I heard my mom utter before I passed out.
Why Are We Still Friends
Being a patient in the hospital sucked. I was never a good patient, even though I was a nurse. I enjoyed taking care of people, not being taken care of. My mom and I were waiting for my doctor to return with test results.
Brian was missing in action. I thought by now he would be here. Mom called him when we arrived. It hurt a lot that he didn’t rush to the hospital to be with me. What if something was wrong with our baby?
The door opened and Nick walked in. “Alexia, are you okay? What happened?”
“I don’t know Nick. I really don’t know.” I said defeated. My body ached. I was tired, so tired.
“You scared the shit out of me. When you’re mom called, I quickly made it back to Tampa.” He said, giving me a hug and sitting down next to my bed.
I gave my mom a dirty look. Why was she meddling in my personal life? She had no reason to call Nick. He shouldn’t be here. Brian should be here with me.
Before I could say anything, Dr. Wallace walked in. “Alexia, how are you?” I shrugged. “I just received your test results. From the ultra sound, I realized that you’re further along than expected.”
My mouth was dry, as I attempted to speak. “How…many weeks?” Nick grabbed my hand and held it tightly in his.
“About three or four weeks. All your tests came back normal. You’re severely dehydrated Alexia. You also need to gain some weight. You’re underweight by about four pounds for this stage of your pregnancy. You need to start eating right. That should help with your constipation.” Nick snickered at the last comment. I pulled my hand away from his. He was going to have a field day on my account.
Dr. Wallace continued. “You seem very stressed Alexia. That isn’t good for the baby. As a mom you need to be in top condition to keep the baby healthy. Think about. I’m going to have you spend the night. We’re going to keep you on fluids and monitor your condition. If you are able to have a bowel movement then we can discharge you. I’m going to have healthy meal sent up for you. Take care and rest.”
Once Dr. Wallace left the room, I stared at the wall. I didn’t even know what to say. I just wanted Brian here with me. Spending the night wasn’t my idea of a good time. I could rest just as easily at home, but as a nurse I knew I didn’t have a choice in the matter. I had to follow the orders of my doctor. Hopefully I would be discharged in the morning.
My mom walked over and gave me a hug. “Sweetheart, thank goodness nothing is wrong with the baby.”
“I feel stupid. I know to take better care of myself.” Disappointment filled my body. I was letting myself and my child down.
“Alexia, you need to get rid of the stress in your life.” My mom stated. I know she was preparing to lecture me.
“Stop mom. Spare me the sermon. You already told me how you feel. I’m feeling tired. Why don’t you head home? There’s no need to stare at me all evening.”
My mom looked at me. “If you’re sure?” She asked hesitantly. I nodded my head. “I love you Alexia Lillian. You’re my daughter, and I’m always going to worry about you. Please think about what I said earlier.”
“Let me walk your mom out.” Nick said to me. “I’ll be right back.”
I watched them walk out of the room. Quiet surrounded me. Finally I had a moment to myself. How could I relax when my world was falling apart? Everyone had an opinion on what I needed to do with my life. They didn’t realize it wasn’t as easy as picking one guy over the other. I loved Brian, and I loved Nick.
“Lexi is the baby okay?” Brian asked as he walked in the room. Katy Jane was holding onto his hand. She was a spitting image of him.
“The baby is fine. I’m dehydrated. They want me to get more fluids into my system before they send me home tomorrow.” I explained.
“Daddy, who is she?” Katy Jane asked curiously. Brian picked her up and placed her on his hip.
“This is my friend, Lexi. Say hi to her.” Brian chirped with a smile. His comment hurt, but I knew that Katy Jane wouldn’t understand that her daddy had a girlfriend.
“Hi Lexi!” She was just as cheerful as Brian. The smile on his face said it all. He loved his daughter so much. Would he love our child as much as he did Katy Jane?
“It’s nice to meet you Katy Jane.” I said as cheerfully as possible.
“Lexi, I’m glad the baby is okay. You scared me. You need to stop going to school and working. The baby should be your priority.” Brian said authoritatively. What had gotten into him?
“This is not the time or place to get into this.” I attempted to remain calm. Work and school had nothing to do with me being stuck in the hospital. We both knew that.
“I’m sorry I’m concerned about the baby.” He got defensive.
“I wish you were that worried about me.” I stated quietly. I didn’t want to start a fight, especially with Katy Jane here.
“Daddy, when are we going home?” She tilted her head to look at Brian. “You promised mommy and me cuddle time on the couch.”
Brian was grasping for words. He wouldn’t look at me. Was something going on between Brian and Vienna? Brian wouldn’t cheat. He wasn’t that kind of man. I was reading way more into a four year olds words than I should be.
“Brian, you should go home and spend time with Katy Jane. I’ll be fine. There’s nothing you can do but stare at me.”
“Thanks Lexi. I’ll call to check on you tomorrow.”
“But daddy, you’re taking us to Disney.” Katy Jane screeched with excitement.
Brian looked away from me. I didn’t understand why he felt so guilty. Katy Jane came first. I wasn’t going to stop him from spending time with his daughter. He knew me better than that. Brian was changing into a man I didn’t like. I wanted the old Brian back; the one who I could talk to about anything. Now both of us were uncomfortable to be around each other. This shouldn’t be happening when we’re a couple and having a baby.
“Brian, I’m feeling tired. You better get Katy Jane home. Thanks for stopping by.”
“Take care, Tiger Lilly.” Brian said and walked out the door.
For the first time, it felt like Brian was walking out of our relationship. Maybe I was imagining it. He just didn’t seem the same. Something was different. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but I knew things were different between us.
Why Are We Still Friends
The food on the tray didn’t hold my interest. I pushed it aside as Nick walked into the room. He pulled a chair up to the bed. “You need to eat Lexi.”
“I’m not hungry.” I commented without looking at him.
“I’m worried about you. You have to take care of yourself.” Nick took my hand in his. I continued to look away. “What about the baby, Alexia? You don’t anything to happen to your child.”
I felt the wetness on my face before I realized I was crying. Nick made me recognize how foolish I was being when it came to my unborn child. I knew better than to let my health go to wayside. Nothing was more important than having a healthy child. I couldn’t let my issues with Brian and Nick risk the health of my baby.
I reached for the tray and pulled it closer to me. Grabbing my fork, I speared some broccoli and put it to my mouth. Nick watched me intently, as I continue eating my dinner. He made me feel like a child.
“I’m glad to see that you’re eating.” Nick said with a smile. I was glad that I was making someone happy. Lately it seemed like everyone was either mad or disappointed in me. “Alexia, when my doctor told me I had constipation, I really couldn’t give a shit.”
“That was the lamest joke ever.” I stated with a chuckle. Nick joined in. It felt good to laugh. God knows, I hadn’t done it in a while.
Nick removed my empty tray. “See, I knew I could get to you laugh. You look pretty when you smile.”
Right now, I couldn’t go there with Nick. After the conversation with my mom earlier and seeing Brian with Katy Jane; my emotions were shot. I wouldn’t be vulnerable. I couldn’t.
“So, what did you and my mom talk about?” I asked curiously. Nick was gone for a long time, so I knew my mom was doing some type of interference in my love life.
“She’s worried about you.” Nick gently started to play with my fingers. “Your mom wants to see you happy. We all do.” He replied softly.
“There’s no reason for any of you to worry about me.” I sighed softly, and looked away. Nick would know that I was lying.
“Says the girl spending the night in the hospital.” Nick gave it right back to me. I knew he wasn’t going to let this go. “You scared the hell out of everyone. Your judgment hasn’t been the best lately. You’ve always be the responsible one.”
I can’t believe he had the audacity to say that to me. All he did was piss me off. “Spare me the fucking lecture. You of all people have no right to judge me. Maybe I’m better off without all of you.” I said harshly.
Nick’s face told me the truth. He was upset. Without hesitation, he moved so that he was sitting on the edge of the bed. I didn’t want him to be this close to me. It was dangerous having him this close. I held my breath, waiting to see his next move.
“Alexia.” He bent down, and placed his mouth next to my ear. “My life would be nothing without you in it. You’re the sunshine in my life. You’re the reason I want to wake up every day.”
Why did he have to say those words? I’d rather him be mad at me. At this point, I could not reciprocate his feelings. More than anything, my heart was telling me that Nick was the one. That he loved me unconditionally. On the other hand, my brain voiced its own opinion. Brian was the father of my baby and someday we were going to get married. We loved each other. Wasn’t that enough?
“Nick.” I didn’t know how to put it nicely, but I had to tell him the truth. “Nick, I can’t do this. I love you more than you’ll ever know. Right now the baby comes first. Things are complicated with Brian. I need time to figure…things out. You adoration of me makes it harder. You make me feel things I’m not supposed to feel for you. I can’t deal with it.”
Nick backed up, but remained on the bed. I thought for sure, my comments would tick him off. The only thing I see on his face is love. “Fair enough. Thank you for being honest with me. It’s not easy for you to hurt someone else’s feelings. Alexia, I won’t pressure you. I’ll give you all the time you need. Just remember that I’ll wait until you’re ready. I promise not to say another word. You can let me know when you decide what you want.”
“Thank you Nick.” I grabbed his hand and gave it a squeeze.
We spent the rest of the evening chilling in my hospital room. Neither Nick nor I mentioned any devotions of love. Instead, we watched television and reminisced about old times.
“So who has been your best sexual experience?” Nick asked with a smirk. I knew what he wanted me to say, but I wasn’t taking the bait.
“Umm…that is none of your business.” I replied with a huge grin. I wasn’t giving him the satisfaction of knowing the truth.
“Come on, you know it was me.” He said confidently. I thought for sure he was going to pound his chest like a gorilla.
“Sorry Nickers, you do not get the honor of being the best lover in my bed.” I replied sarcastically.
“Geesh Alexia, what a way to crush a man’s ego.” He started to pout.
“Like one woman not thinking you’re a stud is going to crush that big ego.” I tsked. He had been with more women then I could count. I’m sure they all thought he was a sex god.
“Was there anything good about sex with me?” He questioned shyly, biting his lip. I had never seen him like this. Why was he so fixated on us having sex?
“Kissing. You know how to kiss.” His face lit up. “Are you happy now?”
“I’m getting there. Kissing? Are you sure there’s not more you liked?”
Before I had a chance to answer him, the announcement that visiting hours were over penetrated the air. I had never been so happy to get rid of Nick. We were moving back into a territory I wasn’t ready to explore.
Nick stood up and gave me a hug. “You know this conversation isn’t over. I’ll be back tomorrow morning.”
I hugged him back. “I hope you’ll be able to spring me out of this joint.”
“Well, you better make sure you poop.” Nick chuckled at his comment, even after I gave him a good swat for being gross.
“Thanks for keeping me company all evening.”
“Anything for my best friend. Maybe we can go to the movies when you’re feeling better.”
“I’d like that.” I gave him another hug.
He grabbed his coat and started for the door. “Lexi, did you hear about the new movie ‘Constipation’?” He asked with a shitfaced grin.
I rolled my eyes at him. “No.”
“It hasn’t come out yet.” He busted out laughing.
“You tell the worst jokes. That wasn’t even funny.” I threw a tissue at him. “Go home!”
“Night Nickers.” With that he dashed out of my room.
I fluffed my pillow and settled into a comfortable position. Hopefully sleep would come soon. I had my doubts. My mind was filled with more thoughts than I thought I could handle. One thing I did know was that I didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.
Why Are We Still Friends
“Thanks for bringing me home, Bella.” I flopped down on the couch, making myself comfortable.
“To be honest, I was surprised you called. You haven’t spoken to me in two weeks.” She replied brashly.
I stared at her for a moment, before I began to speak. “I get it. I’ve been a bitch. Look I didn’t have anyone else to call. Sorry I bothered you.” My feelings were hurt. I was tired of everyone being mad at me. I couldn’t deal with it anymore.
“Why didn’t Nick pick you up? He’s your best friend. Or wait, what about your boyfriend? You know, Brian.” She said smugly. I had never seen Bella like this. She usually was a good listener and never judged.
“Brian is spending the day at Disney with his daughter. As for Nick, I don’t know.” I looked out the window.
“From what I heard, he’s spent the evening with you at the hospital. What gives Lexi? Sometimes I think you care more about Nick than you do Brian.” Bella sat down beside me. Her face showed concern instead of anger.
“I’m confused. Ever since Brian lied to me things are different. I love him, but deep down, I don’t think I trust him.” For the first time I was being honest. It scared me, but I couldn’t hold it in any longer.
“Brian loves you. He’s loved you for a long time. You’re having a baby together.”
There it was; the same comment I got from everyone. It made my blood boil. So, what we were having a baby together. That didn’t change what I was feeling for Brian. Most of the time my feelings weren’t nice when it came to the man I loved. Yes, I loved him, but the honest truth was I didn’t like him.
“Yes, we’re having a baby. He came to check on me last night. The fact that he spent ten minutes at the hospital shows how much he cares.”
“But he had Katy Jane. Things are different when you have kids.”
“I get that Bella. Don’t treat me like I’m stupid. I get that you’re a huge Brian supporter. I love Brian with all my heart, but he’s not perfect. I’m sorry if I can’t get over that fact that I don’t trust him. I’m sorry I don’t have a perfect relationship like you and Alex. Please don’t judge my feelings for Brian or Nick. You’re not living my life.” I yelled at my sister-in-law.
“I knew you had feelings for Nick. You never stopped, even after he treated you like shit. I can’t believe you would ruin your relationship with Brian because you still have feelings for that prick.” Bella stood up and grabbed her purse. “You’re making a big mistake.”
I watched her walk out of the house. I was flabbergasted at her anger towards the situation in my life. I knew that I was teetering into dangerous waters. Eventually I would have to decide who I wanted. It wasn’t fair to string either guy along. The stress of dealing with my love life wasn’t good for the baby. I had a lot of thinking to do.
My thinking was cut short, when Nick stormed into the living room an hour after Bella left. The fury in his eyes scared me. Slowly, I stood up. “Hello Nick.”
“Why didn’t you call me to tell me you were out of the hospital? You knew I would have brought you home.”
“Bella brought me home.” His anger didn’t subside at my explanation. “I didn’t want to bother you.”
“You’re never a bother, Alexia. Damn it, you could have a least called me. I went to the hospital to pick you up and you weren’t there. I made a total ass out of myself.” He said softly, sitting down next to me.
“Nick, I’m sorry. Just chalk it up to one more screw up.” I pulled my blanket up to the chin.
“Sweetheart, you’ve done nothing wrong. I’m sorry I came here acting like a jackass. I was just hurt that you didn’t tell me someone was bringing you home. I figured after last night I was going bring you home.” He smiled at me. My resolve weakened. I couldn’t be mad at him for caring. It was more than I could say for Brain. “I’m glad you were able to poop. Did everything come out ok?” He laughed.
I cracked a smile. “That’s just gross. Please don’t every say that again.”
“That’s the smile I know and love.” Nick gave me his trademark grin. I melted at his compliment. He always knew the right thing to say to me when I was feeling down.
“Nick, thank you.”
“There’s no reason to thank me.”
I slid my hand out from under the blanket. My fingers gently grazed the top of Nick’s hand. We both sat quietly; I was lost in my feelings for Nick. I knew it was wrong, but being with him felt right. That’s not to say I didn’t love Brian. I did love him, but I don’t know if it was in the same way. I needed to figure it out soon. It wasn’t fair to anyone to play this game, especially Nick or Brian. Both of them were not fully aware of what was going on with me. I tried to keep it to myself, but it was a losing battle.
“Nick, when did life get so complicated?” I asked quietly.
“It’s always been. You’ve just been lucky enough to not get thrown into the tornado called life. I know things aren’t going the way you planned. Give it time, Lexi. You’re loved by so many, even if sometimes they don’t show it.” I knew Nick was talking about Brian. It was like he was trying to prove that Brian cared about me.
“Well it just plain sucks.” I gave Nick’s hand a squeeze. “There are a lot of decisions I need to make. I can’t take the stress anymore. It’s not good for me or the baby.”
“Follow your heart. That’s my one piece of advice to you. Don’t worry about what other people think. They aren’t living your life. You need to make yourself happy, not Brian, AJ, Bella, your mom, or me. I just want you to be happy.”
“I want to be happy, and right now I’m not happy.” I sniffled.
“Lexi, you sound tired. Take a nap. You’ll feel better. When you wake up, you can deal with all of life’s shit.”
“That sounds wonderful. Nick, will you lay with me until I fall asleep?”
“Anything for you.” We stretched out on the couch. Nick wrapped his arms around me. It was like he was protecting me from the world. Slowly, I fell into the first peaceful sleep I had in a long time.
Why Are We Still Friends?
When I woke up, Nick was snuggled against me snoring quietly. For the first time in weeks I felt rested. I gently removed his arm from my body and made my way to the bathroom.
I stared at myself in the mirror noticing how much I aged in such a short time. I wasn’t the same happy go lucky Alexia, I once was. Now all I did was worry about trying to please everyone. I knew I wasn’t being fair to Brian or Nick. What was worse was neither knew what I was truly feeling. Keeping it all in was not good for my health. I needed time to figure out what I wanted in my life.
“You okay, Alexia?” Nick said from the other side of the door.
“Yeah, I just had to use the bathroom.” I opened the door and stepped out. “How did you sleep?”
“Wonderful. You have the most comfortable couch.” He gave me a smile. “How did you sleep?”
“Like a baby. I haven’t slept this well in a long time.” I started folding the blanket. The need to keep myself occupied on anything but Nick was my focus.
“Alexia, why aren’t you sleeping? Is it Brian? The baby?” He asked with worry in his voice. My heart melted that he cared that much about me.
“It’s Brian. It’s the baby. It’s you. It’s everything.” I admitted, as I fluffed a pillow.
Nick walked over to me and took the pillow from me. He threw it on the couch. Gently he took my hands in his. We stood there looking in each other’s eyes. Time seemed to stand still, neither of us speaking. Yet, both of us spoke volumes.
“Sweetheart, you can’t let me or Brian determine your happiness. I know you love Brian, but he’s shown you another side of him. It kills me knowing that he treats you that way. “
“But I love him.” Tears silently streamed down my face. Nick gently wiped them off my face. “Nick, I’m so confused. These pregnancy hormones aren’t helping. I just wish things were easier.”
“Sweet, sweet Alexia what can I do to help you?” Nick said tenderly. The look of love in his eyes made my heart swell. Did he have feelings for me? His actions were showing me that he cared. But how much?
“Just be yourself.” I reached out and hugged him. “Give me some time to sort things out. I have a lot to think about. I’m planning on taking a few days off from work to figure things out.”
“I think that is a good idea. Now, why don’t we go make something to eat? You have to be starving. I know I am.”
“Always thinking with your stomach, Carter.” I pinched his stomach and ran towards the kitchen. “Let’s go before you wither away.”
Nick and I got settled in the kitchen. He was busy stirring the soup, while I was in the middle of mixing up some homemade biscuits. It was comfortable cooking together. It was a feeling I hadn’t had in a while. Things with Brian weren’t like this in forever. In all honestly, this is what I wanted in my life. I wanted someone who enjoyed just being with me. Maybe someday I would have that, but with whom I was unsure.
“You want me to get that?” Nick pulled me out of my reverie. I didn’t even hear the doorbell ring.
“Sure. I need to get these in the oven.” I moved toward the oven as Nick went to get the door.
A few minutes later, Brian walked in with Nick. Neither of them looked very happy. This wasn’t going to be a pleasant visit. Nick busied himself with the preparing dinner. Brian stared at me with disgust.
“Brian, let’s go into the living room.” Turning to Nick, I said, “Make sure the biscuits don’t burn. I set the timer so you should be fine.”
Once we were in the living room, I took a deep breath before confronting my boyfriend. “What do you want?”
“I came to see how you were feeling. But I guess you don’t need me around.” Brian was pissed. His nostrils were flaring.
“I do need you around, but you choose not to be. I saw you ten minutes this week and that’s because I was in the hospital.” My voice rose.
Brian grabbed my arm. I pulled it away, but he had a strong grip on it. “Don’t even start with me Lexi. I’m not about to deal with your bitchiness. I came over to see how you were feeling and you’re playing house with Nick.”
“Don’t even go there.” I hissed quietly, not wanting Nick to get involved in this argument. “We’re just friends. At least he wants to spend time with me. Aren’t you supposed to at Disney World with your daughter?
“Why would I want to spend time with you when you act like a major bitch all the time?” He let go of my arm and walked toward the door.
“That’s right Brian, blame me. It’s always my fault. You haven’t done anything wrong in our relationship. I forgot you’re Saint Brian.”
“Stop acting childish. You know damn well how to piss me off. Call me when you grow up and stop acting like a bitch.” He turned around and opened the door.
“Don’t you dare walk away Brian. You can’t say those horrible things to me and just walk away. I’m sick and tired of the way you treat me. Where’s the Brian I know and love?”
“How about the way you treat me?” I looked at him with disbelief. “Yeah, Lexi. You haven’t been the perfect girlfriend either. You’ve been spending all your fucking time with Nick. Are you cheating on me?”
My mouth dropped open. I couldn’t believe he asked me that. I prayed that Nick didn’t hear. This was getting out of control. “Are you out of your mind? I would never cheat on you. I thought you knew me better than that. Our problems have nothing to do with Nick.”
If only that were totally true. Nick definitely had an impact on things. I wasn’t ready to discuss that with Brian. I had a lot of things to figure out before I could be honest with myself, Brian and Nick.
“Bullshit! It has everything to do with Nick and you know it.” He glared at me with hatred.
“You know, I never thought our relationship would turn out like this. Brian, I love you.” I said quietly. The anger in his eyes changed to sadness. “You need to leave before we both say something we regret.”
I reached over and pressed a kiss to Brian’s cheek. Without a word, he turned and walked out the door. My heart was breaking. It was like I was losing Brian for good.
Why Are We Still Friends?
After my fight with Brian, I sent Nick home. I needed time to figure things out. I found a notepad and went out onto the beach. Maybe if I listed the pros and cons I would be able to make some sense of what I needed and wanted. I knew no matter what someone was going to end up hurt.
After what seemed like an eternity, my paper was blank. It was like if I wrote it down it made it real. I didn’t want to choose. I loved them both. Lately Brian was acting like an ass, while Nick was treating me like a princess. Did it really even matter? Brian was the father of my baby. It would look bad if I chose his best friend over him. How could I do that to my child?
I threw my pen toward the ocean. I was frustrated beyond belief. I gathered my belongings and made my way back to the house.
“Lexi, you’re going to catch a cold. It’s freezing out here.” My brother commented as I stepped on the deck.
“That’s not how you catch a cold.” I replied and walked inside. He followed behind me.
“How are you feeling?” I shrugged at his question. “I heard about your fight with Bella. I’m here to apologize.”
“You don’t need to apologize for your wife. We have a difference of opinion when it comes to my life. Just leave it be.” I busied myself with making some tea.
“It hurts me to see you closing yourself off from everyone. This is the time where you need to rely on your friends and family.”
“I can do this on my own. I don’t need anyone.” I said, even though I knew it wasn’t the truth. I wasn’t sure who I could depend on.
“Cut the bullshit, Lexi. You know damn well that you’re being stubborn. You can play strong, bullheaded Alexia McLean with everyone else. It’s not going to work with me.” AJ took two cups from the cupboard.
I finished making our tea and sat down at the island. This was not a conversation I wanted to have with my brother. Somehow I knew he wasn’t leaving until we did.
“Sis, I’m not going to judge you. All I want is for you and your baby to be happy and have the best life possible. If you want to give up on men and become a lesbian, I’m okay with that.”
I rolled my eyes at him. It was comforting knowing someone was on my side. It helped with my decision to open up to my brother. He was the least judgmental person I knew.
“Brian and I can’t seem to make things work. All we do is fight. When we aren’t fighting; we’re in bed together. It’s not how I thought our relationship was going to be.”
“Sex isn’t the answer. It’s usually this first place you go when things suck. The closeness you feel when making love can’t fix the problems.”
I blushed realizing I’m talking to my brother about my sex life. Can this get any more embarrassing? Yeah, it can. AJ is going to see what a failure I am when it comes to relationships.
“Lexi, relationships are built on trust and communication. Are you avoiding talking to Brian about the real problem you’re having?” AJ questioned softly. He was being totally genuine in helping me solve my issues. It made it easier for me to confide in him.
“I feel like I’ve hit a wall when it comes to Brian. All we do is fight and trade insults. We never actually talk. When we start talking it ends up with Brian sweet talking me into the bedroom. Nothing ever gets resolved.”
“Maybe you should find a place where you can’t have sex. Then you’ll be able to talk.” AJ suggested.
“We can have sex anywhere.” I said with a smile.
“Please don’t go there. You’re my baby sister.” He shook his head in disgust. I couldn’t help but chuckle at my brother. “Back to you and Brian. You two really need to figure things out. If you both decide to go your separate ways, you’re still going to be bonded for life. Baby Littrell is going to need both parents.”
“Don’t you mean Baby McLean-Littrell?” I say casually. I sipped my tea, avoiding the stare I’m getting from AJ.
“That sounds like you’ve already written off your relationship with Brian.”
“Hardly. Is it so wrong for me to want my baby to have my last name? It’s not like Brian and I are married.” I slammed my cup down. Anger coursed through my body.
“Lexi, you really need to talk to Brian. You’ve got to get it sorted out.”
“It will be. Are we done talking about it?” I grumbled.
AJ reached over and gave me a hug. “So, how’s Nick? I haven’t seen him lately.”
“Nick is good. He just left a little bit ago.” I smiled. I enjoyed spending time with Nick. He was the only one not getting on my nerves.
“He’s a good friend to you. Mom said he spent the evening with you at the hospital.”
“He did which is more than I can say for some people.” I bit my lip when I realized what I said. AJ was going to have a field day with this. “Forget I said that.”
“Brian was an ass for not being there for you.” My brother was starting to get pissed. I didn’t want him involved. Damn me and my big mouth.
“Stop. He did come to check on me, but he had Katy Jane with him. It wasn’t like he could camp out beside my bed. It was fine. I don’t expect anyone to sit and stare at me.”
“Don’t. I can handle things on my own. I don’t need you getting involved. I’ll work things out with Brian. Just let me do it on my own.” I rushed on. I really didn’t feel like talking about it.
AJ stood up. “That wasn’t what I was going to say. Maybe you’re looking at the wrong guy. Nick has shown you that he cares about it. His actions are proof.”
“Don’t go there, Alex. You were the one that told me Brian was in love with me. Now, you’re switching teams. Stop trying to control my love life. I need to focus on the baby.” I placed the cups in the sink.
“Alexia, I want you to be happy.” He said sadly.
“Everyone wants me to be happy. I don’t want to be happy. I just want to be alone.” I screamed.
“It’s okay. I understand. Don’t hide yourself from the people that love you. Take time and follow your heart. You can’t let anyone decide what you truly want. I’ll be there to support you no matter what, Lexi. I love you.” AJ gave me a hug and walked out.
Could my life get any more complicated?
Why Are We Still Friends
AJ forced me and Brian to meet at his house to talk. He figured it was a neutral place. I laughed thinking about my earlier conversation with my brother. I guess we couldn't have sex in his house.
"Brian" I stated quietly. "This feels so awkward. I don't want to feel that way."
He looked at me. His eyes didn't sparkle like they usually did. Maybe I was causing him just as much pain. Neither of us was being fully committed to our relationship. I was only thinking of myself. That wasn't me. Guilt ran through my veins.
"Tiger Lilly, I don't want it to be that way between us. I love you." His voice was full of pain.
"I love you, too." I did love him with all my heart. "I never expected our relationship to fall apart. Maybe I was naive in thinking that it was going to be a fairy tale. I've always guarded my heart, but I dropped the wall for you. Yet you're the one that has hurt me the most."
Brian shifted angrily. "Damn it Lexi. I never set out to hurt you. You act like your perfect. You never made a mistake. I'm human."
Tears started to fall from my eyes. I hated Brian's temper. He made me feel like everything was my fault. At this point things weren't going well, would we ever overcome our problems. "I know you are human. You lied to me for years. I was one of your best friends and you didn't trust me enough to tell me you had a kid. I wouldn't have judged you and you know that. I would have embraced Katy Jane and treated her like family. It makes me wonder what else you have hidden from me. I'm having trouble trusting you."
Brian moved onto the couch next to me. He took my hands in his. I stared into his eyes and saw the man I loved. "Lex, I wish I could take back all the lies. I want you to trust me. I hate fighting with you. I love you so much, Tiger Lilly." Tears were running down his face.
We wrapped our arms around each other and cried. I could feel the tension leave my body. Our problems weren’t gone, but at least we were talking about them. This was a step in the right direction. Our love was strong enough to overcome this snag in our relationship.
“What can I do to fix things?” Brian spoke first. “How do I gain back your trust?”
I looked at him through tear-stained eyes. My Brian was back. The one I knew and loved beyond reason. “You need to be honest with me about everything. No keeping secrets from each other.”
“Lex, I’m not hiding anything else from you. I promise to be an open book from now on. Keeping secrets has taken a toll on me. I’ve missed us, Tiger Lilly.”
“I’ve missed us, too.” I press a kiss to his cheek. “How are we going to fix things? I want us to get back to the way we used to be.”
“I think being honest and talking about everything is a good start. We need to spend more time together. It’s been hard not seeing you every day.” Brian admitted. This was definitely a step in the right direction. Brian and I could make this work. It was the right thing to do.
“I think we should have dinner together tonight like a real date. Do you have plans with Katy Jane?” I hesitated. This would be would the start of us truly being a couple. I would understand if he was doing something with his daughter, but I wanted to be part of his life again.
“Katy Jane and her mom went back to Kentucky. Vi has work.” He explained to me. I didn’t like the way he said Vi, but I think my mind was trying to play tricks on me. She was the mother of his child and nothing more.
“I bet you already miss her. She’s adorable.” I smiled at him.
“It was so hard watching her leave. Everything she does is so cute and funny.” He beamed. He loved his daughter unconditionally. Would he love our child this much? Why was I always worried about Brian loving his child? It didn’t make any sense; just an irrational fear that kept playing in my mind.
“I would love to get to know Katy Jane better. Do you think her mom would mind if I spent time with her when they come back to Florida?”
“Vi would be ok with that. She has a boyfriend, so she understands that I want Katy Jane to get to know you. You’re a part of my life. Plus Katy Jane is going to be a big sister.”
“Does she know?” I asked curious, as I cuddled against Brian. It was nice just being able to talk to Brian. The tension between us was lessening. It was getting easier to talk to him.
“I haven’t told her yet. I want Katy Jane to meet you first.” Brian explained.
“Yeah, she’s going to wonder why I look like I swallowed a ball.” I giggled as I placed my hand on my slightly protruding belly.
“You look beautiful pregnant.” Brian placed a quick kiss on my cheek.
“Thanks. Just remind me how beautiful I am, when I can’t see my feet. You’re going to have to put my socks on and tie my shoes.”
‘You can always count on me.” He kissed me again. “Why don’t you head home and get dolled up. I’ll pick you up around seven for dinner.”
After Brian left, I sat on the couch lost in my thoughts. It was nice getting things out in the open. Did it solve our problems? No, but hopefully it was a start. I loved Brian with all my heart, yet I was having doubts. I knew I needed to give him time to prove himself to me. Things were not going to change instantly. I had to give it time.
“Everything okay? Where’s Brian?” AJ asked walking into the room.
“Brian went home. We’re going out to dinner tonight.” I slowly stood up.
My brother grabbed my hand and pulled me to him. He embraced me. “Lexi, take it slow. Really talk with Brian. Don’t just fall into bed and think things are going to work. It’s going to take time to get things back to normal.”
“I love when you go big brother on me.” I teased.
“Lexi, I’m trying to be serious here.” My brother looked me in the eye. The look in his eyes was enough to make me sober up. “I know you’re tired of everyone telling you how to live your live. In all honesty, it’s up to you to decide what is best for you. If you want my opinion, I’ll give it to you when you’re ready to hear it.”
“Alex, thank you.” I pressed a quick kiss to his cheek.
“Just one more thing. Follow your heart, Alexia. You may hurt someone, but that person shouldn’t be youself.” AJ gave me one last squeeze. “Now go get ready for you date. Make sure you look sexy, but not too sexy.”
“Thanks. I love you.” I said as I walked out the door. My brain was starting to hurt from all this seriousness. Hopefully, I could just enjoy my evening with Brian.
Why Are We Still Friends
“Brian tonight was wonderful.” I said and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. “I’ve missed being with you.”
Brian moved closer to me. His lips grazed my neck. “Mmm, Lexi. I missed you, too. You’re so beautiful.” He murmured between kisses. His hand slid the strap of my nightgown down off my shoulder. “I want you so much Tiger Lilly.”
“Brian, not tonight.” I said softly.
“Baby, it’s been a while. I’ve missed making love to you.” Brian crooned as he attempted to remove my nightgown.
I pushed him away. “Stop Brian!” He gave me a dirty look as he backed away. “I’m tired and my back hurts.”
Without a word Brian removed himself from the bed. I watched helplessly as he found his jeans and started to put them on. Things were not turning out the way I expected. We had a nice dinner with great conversation. It was almost as if our relationship was back to normal. I guess I was wrong.
“Brian, where are you going?” I placed my feet on the ground and slowly stood up.
He put his t-shirt on and looked at me. Clearly, he was frustrated. “I thought you wanted me here, but I guess I was wrong.”
“I do want you here. Just because I don’t want to have sex doesn’t mean I don’t want to be with you. This pregnancy is causing me to feel out of whack. I want to spend time with you, Brian.” I waited for him to respond. Instead he stared at me with dark eyes. “It’s seems like the only time you want to be with me is when we are in bed. I just want to spend the night cuddling with you.”
I got back into bed and waited to see what Brian was going to do. My fear was Brian walking out the door and out of my life. I turned off the light and pulled the blanket up to my chin. Tears were threatening to fall, but I wasn’t going to cry. He wasn’t worth it.
Brian crawled onto the bed and wrapped his arms around me. “Tiger Lilly, I’m sorry. It seems like no matter what I do, I end up being an ass.”
“You’re not an ass. It’s just going to take time to get things back the way they were.” I turned so I was facing him.
He kissed me gently on the cheek, as he brushed my hair off my face. “I just missed being with you.”
“I miss being with you, Brian. Is there more to our relationship then sex? Before we started dating, we would spend hours just talking.”
“Of course, it’s about more than sex.” He kissed me gently. “Can I…is…it okay if I stay?”
I sat up and looked at him. “I want you to stay.”
I stretched to get the kink of out my back, I noticed Brian was missing. I figured he was in the bathroom or making coffee. I fluffed my pillow and settled back into a comfortable position. The alarm wouldn’t be going off for another hour. I stared at the clock, after ten minutes Brian didn’t return.
“Brian.” I called out loudly. Then I waited for him to respond. I got nothing. Something wasn’t right.
Quickly, I got out of bed and made my way to the kitchen. No coffee was perking. The kitchen was immaculate. I padded into the living room and opened the curtain slightly; Brian’s car wasn’t in the driveway. Anger coursed through my body.
I couldn’t believe that he just left and didn’t tell me. I stomped back into my bedroom. I picked up my phone and dialed his number.
“Hello Tiger Lilly. Why are you up so early?” Brian said sweetly. That only made me madder.
“Where the hell are you?” I yelled.
“I forgot I had an appointment this morning.” Brian continued to be overly sweet. I didn’t like his syrupy attitude. It was rubbing me the wrong way.
I sat down on the bed. “And you didn’t have the decency to tell me or write a note. I was worried sick about you.”
“Baby, I’m sorry. It was never my intention. You looked so peaceful. I didn’t have the heart to wake you. We were up late last night. You and the baby need the rest.”
I sighed, knowing he was right. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell at you. Please don’t be mad at me.”
“I could never be mad at you, Tiger Lilly. Blame me. I should have left a note.” He said tenderly.
“Well, I bet let you go. I don’t want you to miss your appointment.” I lie down. “Will…are…you still going to come to the doctor’s with me this afternoon?”
“Of course I am. It’s at three, right?” Brian asked.
“Yes it’s at three. Maybe we can do some baby shopping afterward.” I suggested.
“Sure. I’ll pick you up around two thirty. Love ya Tiger Lilly.”
“Love you, too.” I turned off my phone and decided to go back to sleep. Just as I was dozing off, the doorbell rang. I got up and made my way to the door.
Bella was standing on the porch. I was surprised to see her. We hadn’t talked since our fight. I wondered why she was here.
“Umm…hi Bella. Come in.” I said quietly, moving so she could come inside.
“Lexi. How are you?” Bella asked and we went into the living room.
I flopped onto the couch. Thinking about how I should answer her question. I wasn’t sure what she wanted me to say. I didn’t want to be attacked for what came out of my mouth.
“I’m okay.” I replied. There was no way, Bella could find fault in that answer.
“I wanted to apologize for what happened. I shouldn’t have said what I did.” She apologized.
I sat there looking at my sister-in-law. I was shocked she was apologizing. “Everyone is entitled to their opinion.”
“Geesh, Lexi. I’m trying to make peace here and you don’t seem like you care.”
“It’s not that Bella.” I situated myself in a more comfortable position. “Things haven’t been easy for me lately. Maybe you were right. I need to start thinking about my boyfriend more. I love Brian a lot. I guess I was just as much to blame as him.”
“And I wasn’t being very supportive. Alex, says I tend to judge before I know all the facts. I should have been a better listener.” Bella walked over and gave me a hug. “Let’s have a girl day. We’ll go to the spa and gets massages. When I was pregnant with Ian massages were the only thing that helped with the back pain.”
“That sounds like an awesome idea.” I replied genuinely. Maybe things were starting to look up in my life. “I’ve had the worse back pain this past week.”
“Let me know when your next day off is, and I’ll make us an appointment. You look exhausted. Go get some sleep. Love ya Lexi.”
“Love ya Bella.” I watched her walk out and went back to bed.
Why Are We Still Friends
Sitting in the examination room waiting for Dr. Wallace was making nervous. It might have been the fact that this was the first time Brian was at an appointment. He seemed excited to be here.
“Hello Alexia. It’s good to see you. How are you feeling?” Dr. Wallace asked as he walked into the room.
“I’m feeling okay. I can’t seem to shake the tiredness away.” I replied honestly.
“The tiredness should go away when you start your second trimester.”
“I hope so. It seems like all I do is sleep.” I chuckled. “Dr. Wallace I’d like you to meet my boyfriend, Brian.”
“It’s nice to meet you Brian. Glad you could make it today.” Dr. Wallace turned toward me. “Today we’re going to do a sonogram. It will give us a better idea of your due date. I’m still thinking that you’re further along than we thought.”
The nurse came into prepare me for the sonogram. Brian sat beside me holding my hand. It was comforting knowing he was by my side. This is how I wanted Brian to be during the pregnancy.
“I love you Lexi.” He pressed a kiss to my cheek.
“I love you, Brian. I’m so excited about seeing our baby.” I felt emotional.
The nurse started moving the wand on my abdomen. The baby’s heartbeat was strong. I listened closely. This wasn’t a normal heartbeat. The more I listened, the more I realized I was hearing multiple heartbeats.
“Dr. Wallace, am I hearing what I think I’m hearing?” I asked curiously.
“Is everything okay?” Brian questioned with worry.
“You’re hearing is correct. There are two heartbeats.” Dr. Wallace said with a smile.
“We’re having twins?” Brian was in shock. I squeezed his hand lightly.
“And from the looks of it Lexi, you’re definitely further along. You’re currently at fourteen weeks, which pushes your due date up by three weeks. Alexia, you’re still underweight. You need to eat more since you’re eating for two babies.”
“I will. It’s hard to eat when you don’t have an appetite.” I explained. It was a lame excuse. I knew better as a nurse.
“Morning sickness is sometimes worse with multiples, but it should start to lessen shortly.” Dr. Wallace clarified. “I know you’re into fitness and health, but it’s okay to splurge on an ice cream sundae or pizza every once in a while.”
“I’ll make sure she does.” Brian said adamantly. “We want to keep mom and babies healthy.”
We spent the rest of the afternoon shopping for some maternity clothes and baby items. Neither of us was really into it. We were both in shock over becoming parents of twins. It was a lot of responsibility to take care of one baby; two would be even more. Brian and I needed to stick together and strengthen our relationship.
Bella and AJ were sitting at a table waiting for us. I smiled as I watched them holding hands and whispering. They had a solid relationship that one day I hoped Brian and I could emulate.
I slid into the booth with Brian following. “Hello McLeans.” I said with a smile.
“Hey sis. You look happy.” AJ threw his napkin at me.
“You’re so mature.” I stuck my tongue out at him. “I am happy and hungry. Happy and hungry, very, very hungry.”
Brian handed me a menu. I opened it quickly, perusing each page to find the perfect meal. Everyone followed suit. The waitress came and everyone looked at me when I placed my order
“You were right when you said you were hungry.” Bella commented, knowingly. She understood what it was like to be a crazy, hormonal, pregnant woman.
“I have to start eating better. My doctor says I’m too skinny.” I sipped my water. Brian placed his hand on my knee.
“That’s the first I ever heard that. When I was pregnant with Alisa, all I did was stuff my face with anything not nailed down.”
“Bella would send me out at three in the morning to get her chicken wings and Spaghettios. You having any weird cravings yet?” AJ played with his napkin.
“Not really. I’m trying to eat healthy. Plus if I have a late night craving, I’m not getting out of my jammies to run to the store.” It made me sad that I didn’t have Brian around when I needed him. We weren’t ready to move in together. Unfortunately he lived to far away if I needed him in a pinch.
“So, do you think we should share our news?” Brian asked me. I didn’t know if I was ready for anyone to know. Bella and AJ were probably the best ones to tell. They had the most experience with children.
“Sure. Everyone is going to find out sooner or later.” I looked at Brian. He actually had a smile on his face. For the first time he showed interest in the pregnancy. Maybe things were headed in the right direction for us.
“So what is this news you’ve got?” Bella asked curiously.
“We’re having twins.” Brian blurted out.
“Holy shit! When you knocked up my sister, you did a bang up job.” AJ commented, with a chuckle. He was teasing, but it didn’t make me feel good.
“I need to use the bathroom.” Brian got up, so I could leave.
Once I was alone, I took a deep breath. Why couldn’t anyone be supportive of my life? Snarky comments made me doubt myself even more. So many things were beyond my control. No wonder I wasn’t taking care of my health. I was so worried about every little thing anyone said. I needed to take back control of my life. Nobody had to give a shit about me. I had two precious babies to love and care for. The rest of the world didn’t matter. From now on my life was going to be about my babies. If people didn’t like it, oh well.
Our food had arrived, and they had begun to eat. Brian stood up and let me in the booth. No words were spoken as I took a bite of my burger.
A few minutes later, my brother spoke. “Is everything okay, Lexi?”
“Everything is great. Life is good. I’m going to have two precious babies to love. Things couldn’t be better.” I continued to eat my dinner. Take charge Alexia was back.
By the time dessert arrived, I was feeling better. I ordered myself slice of chocolate peanut butter pie. Everyone was enjoying themselves. It was nice to have something normal in my life.
“With the babies coming, do you two plan on moving in together?” Bella asked. It would make sense for us to live in the same house since we were going to have a family.
“Umm…we never really talked about it.” I said as I put my fork down and looked at Brian. His face was unreadable.
“Well you know Lexi isn’t going to want to move away from the beach.” My brother attempted to lighten the mood.
“I don’t have any plans on moving.” Brian stated firmly.
“What do you mean?” I questioned, confused by his comment. Actually I was hurt that he put it so bluntly.
“Tiger Lilly, let’s talk about this in private. I don’t think we should be discussing our personal life in front of everyone.” Brian said sweetly.
“I think this is a perfect time for us to discuss it.” I remarked with a bite. AJ and Bella looked uncomfortable watching us.
“Lexi, don’t do this.” Brian took my hand trying to get me to calm down. I removed my hand from his. AJ and Bella sat there staring at us. At this point I didn’t care who was looking at me. I had enough of people telling what to do or how to feel.
“Don’t tell me what to do. Damn it, we’re having a family, and you barely want anything to do with me. It’s ridiculous for us to live apart when the babies are born, but go ahead and do whatever the hell you want.” I looked over at my brother. “Could you please take me home?”
“Are you sure, Lexi?” AJ asked. I knew he wasn’t used to seeing my temper. I rarely showed it.
“I’m positive. Move, Brian.” I pushed his arm, so he would let me out.
AJ followed, while Bella held back. “Brian, you’re a douche. I usually stick up for you, but I can’t this time. I never thought you would treat Lexi this way. Go to hell.”
Why Are We Still Friends
Brian and I weren’t on speaking terms. My feelings were hurt after our fight. My boyfriend didn’t want to be near me, let alone live with me. When did I become unworthy of love? If Brian wanted nothing to do with me, who would?
I was sitting on the couch watching reruns of “Full House” and eating peanut butter from the jar. This was my ritual for the last few days. I hadn’t even taken a shower since AJ brought me home from that disastrous dinner.
“Lexi, you here?” Brian called out. I ignored him and continued watching television. He came into the living room and flipped off the TV. “We need to talk.”
“I think you said enough the other night. I don’t want to talk to you.” I set the peanut butter on the coffee table.
“You can just add that to your list of reasons you can’t stand to be near me.” I commented rudely. There was no reason for Brian to know my true feelings.
He sat down next to me. Frustration was written on his face. Good, let him do all the groveling. I had no reason to apologize. I did nothing wrong.
“Tiger Lilly, you know I love you. I was taken by surprise when Bella asked about us moving in together.” Brian started to explain. I didn’t want his apology. Did he really think it was going to change anything? “It’s not that I don’t want us to live together.”
“Then what is it? You made it pretty clear that you can’t stand the thought of being with me in the same house.” I couldn’t look at him. He wasn’t the Brian I knew and loved. That guy would never hurt my feelings.
“Lexi, baby, we are slowly working on our relationship. I don’t want to ruin things because we’re not ready for that step. We need time to strengthen our relationship. I don’t want to jump into something we’re not ready for.” Brian was being honest. I couldn’t fault him for that. I was that one who wanted to take things slow. He was just doing what I asked.
“What about when the babies come? It’s going to be a lot of work with two newborns. I don’t know if I can do it by myself.”
“You don’t have to worry. I won’t let you do it by yourself. Let’s just take it one day at a time.” He scooted closer to me and wrapped his arms around me. It felt good being in his arms. I decided to let my guard down, knowing I had to trust Brian.
“All, I ask is that you love me and our babies.”
“Of course, I will.” He let go of me. “Katy Jane is coming to visit in a few days. I want us all to spend the day together.”
“That sounds like fun. Are you going to tell her about the babies?” I asked curiously.
“I plan on it. I think she’ll be excited to be an older sister.” He says with a smile.
“Brian, I’m sorry that I keep overreacting about everything.” I apologize.
He kisses my head, before he speaks. “It’s not all your fault. I’ve given you a lot of reasons to not trust me. It’s going to take time for us to get back to the way things were. I love you, Alexia.”
After Brian left, I freshened up and sat at my desk to get some work done. There were some decisions I needed to make before the twins were born. Most of it dealt with work. There was no way I was going to work once the babies were born. Luckily, I had been putting money in the bank since I had my first job in high school. There was enough in my accounts that I wouldn’t have to work for a few years.
It was time for me to get started on the baby books. Now that I had to do two, I knew I was going to be spending a lot of time on them. I couldn’t believe that I was having twins. It was scary and exciting at the same time.
I opened the first book. There were all kinds of questions to answer. I got started filling in all the blanks. I came to the question about finding out I was pregnant. My mind was drawing a blank as to what the date was. I grabbed my planner and flipped to the calendar. I turned the pages and stared at the calendar.
Since my due date had been changed, I decided to check out when I conceived my two little bundles of joy. As a nurse, this was pretty easy to figure out. This really wasn’t adding up. A cold sweat started running down my face. I double checked and checked again. Every time I came up with the same result.
“Lexi are you okay? I’ve been calling your name for the last few minutes.” Bella said from the doorway.
I looked up from my calendar. “Sorry, I didn’t hear you. I was concentrating.”
“Are you okay? You’re pale and clammy.” She walked over to me and put her hand on my forehead.
“Not really.” I took a deep breath. “I’m the biggest slut.”
“Lexi, you are far from a slut.”
I laughed to stop myself from crying. This revelation was going to cause lots of trouble. “I’ve slept with my two best guy friends, who just happen to be my brother’s best friends, within weeks of each other. How am I not a slut?”
“That doesn’t make you a slut. You didn’t sleep with Nick since you’ve been with Brian. I thought you were past all of this Nick shit. You love Brian and you’re pregnant with his babies.” Bella attempted to knock some sense into me. That wasn’t possible at the moment.
“Well everything would be fucking dandy if Brian was actually the father.” I blurted out.
“Stop joking, Alexia. That isn’t funny.” Bella commented seriously.
I threw the calendar at her. “Look! The doctor changed my due date and that makes the date of conception the second time I slept with Nick.”
“Maybe your doctor is wrong.” She said rationally as she set the calendar down.
“No, I recalculated it at least five times. It makes perfect sense. Twins run in Nick’s family. What am I going to do, Bella? This changes everything.” I really needed Bella’s help with this debacle.
“Well, I think you need to tell Brian and Nick the truth. It’s not going to be easy.”
“Brian’s not going to want anything to do with me.” I sighed, feeling frustrated. “Plus Nick might not want anything to do with the babies.”
“Lexi, the first thing you need to do is calm down. Just because you’re having someone else’s babies, doesn’t mean you still can’t be a couple.” I rolled my eyes at my sister-in-law. “Sure, it’s his best friend you’re having a kid with, but it won’t matter cause he loves you. As for Nick, I think he’d make sure his kids were taken care of. Not sure in what capacity, but he cares for you so much.”
“And the press will have a fucking field day with that. I can’t have my kids in the lime light cause I’m the Backstreet slut.”
“Lexi, I know it isn’t going to be easy. It could blow up in your face or turn out to be the best thing that ever happened. Give it a few days to sink in before you tell Nick and Brian. You know, AJ and I will be here to support you no matter what the outcome.”
Bella was right. I needed to take a few days to think about this debacle I was in. I had to figure out what I wanted before I could confront the two most important men in my life. Which one was I going to tell first? What a tangle web my life had become.
Why Are We Still Friends
I took Bella’s advice and gave myself a few days to think about how I was going to tell Brian the truth. Many scenarios went through my head. None of them seemed right. Telling Brian wasn’t the big issue; it was his reaction that scared me.
The steak and baked potatoes were in the oven. Now, I was preparing a salad. Brian was coming over for dinner.
“Hey Tiger Lilly.” He pressed a kiss to my cheek. “You look beautiful today.” I wasn’t looking like a model in my t-shirt and yoga pants. Today was the first day I felt fat.
“Umm…thanks. Dinner is almost ready. What do you want to drink?” I opened the refrigerator to grab salad dressing.
“Iced tea, if you have it.” Brian opened the cupboard and grabbed two glasses. He handed me them to me, but one of the glasses slipped out of my hand. It shattered into pieces. “Lex, are you okay?”
“I’m fine.” I quickly say, knowing I’m a bundle of nerves. “Let me grab the broom and clean this up.” I start to walk toward the pantry.
“Go sit down. I’ll clean this up and get dinner on the table.” Brian gave me a hug and sent me on my way.
Sitting at the dining room table listening to Brian clean up only made me feel worse. If I could turn back time and change the outcome I would. The only thing I didn’t know was what I wanted. I loved Brian, but I loved Nick, too. In my gut I knew I would have to choose one over the other. My heart was breaking. The situation was going to get out of hand and it was my fault. Brian and Nick were innocent victims in this game of love I was playing.
“Everything okay, Lex?” Brian asked as he set a plate of food in front of me. He sat down across from me.
“Um, sure. Why?” I had to get myself in control. This was no time to be acting like an airhead.
He looks at me with a serious look on his face. “You’ve been on edge since I got here. I’m just worried about you and the babies.”
Tonight Brian was acting like the man I knew and loved with all my heart. He was kind and gentle, which was only going to make what I had to tell him even harder. Maybe in the end it didn’t matter that he wasn’t the father of my babies. He still would love me. That wouldn’t change. Would it?
I decided to bite the bullet and get it over with. My stomach was nauseous, but it wasn’t from the babies. This was the hardest thing I had to do. I said a quiet prayer to give me the strength to get through this moment.
“Brian, the babies are fine. There’s…um…something I need to tell you.” The love in his eyes was enough to make me cry. I had to be strong. No tears were going to escape my eyes. I licked my lips and continued. “I need to you to listen to me before you say a word. This isn’t easy for me.”
He stared at me for a moment. “You’re not breaking up with me are you?”
“Of course not!” I reached over and kissed him. It was a slow, passionate kiss. It gave me reassurance that Brian loved me. “I…umm…what I’m trying….Brian…you know….I…I…don’t know if I can do this.” I cried out in agony.
“Lexi, you’re starting to scare me. Whatever it is you can tell me.” He smiled reassuringly at me. Instead of comforting me, it made me feel like dirt.
I took a deep breath. “Remember when we went to the doctor. He mentioned that I was further along in my pregnancy.” He nodded his head. “I didn’t think much of it. It’s normal for the due date to change.”
“But everything is okay with the babies?” Brian questioned softly, taking my hands in his.
“Yes, they are healthy. A few days ago, I happened to check the calendar. Before we started dating, I had told you that I had slept with Nick.”
“What are you saying, Lexi? I don’t think I’m going to like this.” Brian gave me a hard stare. He knew that something wasn’t right as soon as I mentioned Nick.
“Brian, I love you with all that I am.” My voice faltered. “It hurts to say this. Nick is the twins’ father.”
He pushed my hands away and stood up. “What the fuck Lexi? I thought you were different from other women. You’re nothing but a tramp! How many Backstreet Boys have you fucked?”
“Brian I understand you’re upset. I never thought this would happen. I love you. I want to be with you.” I exclaimed. “I don’t want this to change things between us.”
He laughed in disbelief. “How in the hell do you expect things to stay the same? You’re fucking pregnant to another man. Do you really think I want used goods? Everyone always thought you were so sweet and innocent. Well, I guess the joke was on me. You fuck Howie yet? What about Kevin? Does your brother know you’ve spread your legs for all his friends?”
My mouth opened wide in shock. I couldn’t believe Brian was reacting this way. I knew that he would be upset, but tearing me apart was uncalled for. I already felt like a slut, he was just confirming it. I pushed my chair back from the table. Then I walked out to the deck.
I took a few deep breaths of the fresh salt water. The stress wasn’t good for the babies. I needed a moment to calm down. My moment didn’t last long, when I heard a crash coming from the kitchen. Quickly, I ran inside.
The sight before my eyes petrified me. Brian had knocked everything off the counter. The coffee pot was broken and scattered across the floor, along with other appliances. Sugar, flour, and dry noodles were everywhere. He watched as I entered the room. I had never seen such anger come from him.
“Brian, calm down. Let’s talk about this like adults.” I suggested in a whisper. I wasn’t going to let him get the best of me.
“Go to hell, Lexi! I don’t need to listen to a whore like you. Why don’t you call your precious little Nicky up? I’m sure he’d like to be inside your used pussy.” Brian laughed. “But just remember this Lexi, once you have those babies, Nick isn’t going to want you or your loose pussy. He’ll move on to someone with a tight, young pussy. Then, you’ll be all alone with your bastard children.”
“Screw you! Get out of my house. If you can’t treat me with respect, you’re not invited into my house.” I screamed at him.
“Good riddance, bitch.” He walked out of the kitchen and most likely out of my life. In my heart, I knew it was the shock and pain talking.
I tip toed around the shards of glass saturating the floor. Grabbing my phone, I slid to the ground. Quickly, I dialed. “AJ, I need you.”
Why Are We Still Friends
Waiting for AJ was draining. I didn’t want to be in my house, but I was too upset to drive. I wanted to forget everything. I wished I could go back in time to before I screwed everything up. Maybe it was better when I was just friends with Nick and Brian.
Yelling and screaming from outside pulled me out of my haze. I walked over to the window. Brian and Nick were arguing. What was Nick doing here? This wasn’t good. I forced myself to go outside.
“Guys stop fighting. You’re going to piss off the neighbors.” I shouted from the porch. Both of them continued to ignore me.
“Come to comfort your little slut of a friend. Wait, knowing you; you’re probably going to fuck her. How many times have you fucked my girlfriend?” The words coming out of Brian’s mouth were harsh. He hated me more than I cared to admit.
“Shut the fuck up! Lexi is not a slut. Don’t you ever talk about her like that. I never slept with her since she decided to date your sorry ass.” At least Nick was willing to defend me.
“But you fucked her before. Had to get her pussy before I did. Couldn’t let me have one thing, could you? The Almighty Nick Carter always gets what he fucking wants. Hell you even knocked her up with your super sperm.” Brian’s voice thundered. I could just imagine what my neighbors were thinking.
“That’s because I didn’t have a vasectomy, you fucking idiot.” Nick snarled.
Did I hear Nick correctly? Brian had a vasectomy. He lied to me this whole time. Everything he ever told me was a sham. Our friendship meant nothing after all these years.
I rushed toward Brian. “Is it true?” I poked him in the chest with my index finger.
He looked at me with no remorse on his face. It infuriated me that he didn’t even care that he lied to me repeatedly. When did Brian become such a dishonest man? I couldn’t stand to look at him. I turned around and went back inside the house.
I curled up on the couch and listened to Nick and Brian having it out. Their yelling was making me sick. I wish they would stop. Hopefully AJ will get here soon and send them away.
The squealing of wheels and the slamming of my front door made me sit up. Nick walked in looked extremely pissed off. He was mad at me about the baby. I stood up and left the room. Nick followed me to my bedroom, but I closed and locked the door before he could come inside.
“Lexi let me in.” Nick said as he banged on the door.
“Leave me alone. I don’t want to talk to you.” I shouted. I didn’t want to talk to Nick. My feelings were hurt. He knew the truth about Brian and never told me. What kind of best friend does that?
“Open the door.” He demanded.
I took a deep breath. “Go away Nick.”
“I’m not going away. Damn it Lexi. Let me in. We need to talk.” Nick was frustrated with me. I didn’t care. I wanted him to leave me alone.
I decided to ignore him. I curled up in my bed, tossing the covers over my head. Maybe this way Nick would leave me alone. Maturity was not my strong suit at the moment.
The room was dark when I removed the comforter from my body. I must have fallen asleep. The clock on the nightstand read ten o’clock. Standing up, I made my way to the kitchen. My stomach was grumbling.
AJ was sitting at the island drinking a cup of coffee. He looked at me but didn’t say anything. I went to the refrigerator and grabbed a bottle of juice. Then, I took an apple from the fruit bowl.
“Are you okay?” AJ asked as I took a seat next to him.
“Not really. Brian and I are over.” There isn’t anything else to say.
“I’m guessing he didn’t take it very well.” My brother put his arm around me.
“No.” I sipped my water. I just wanted to forget everything.
“Lexi, it might be better if you talk about.”
I stood up abruptly, pushing my brother out of the way. “I don’t want to talk about. It hurts knowing everyone has lied to me. The people I’ve cared about my whole life think it’s okay to be dishonest with me. What did I ever do to deserve that?” I screamed, as the tears fell from my eyes. AJ rushed over and wrapped his arms around him. I pushed him aside. “Don’t touch me!”
“You have every right to be pissed. I’m fucking pissed for you. I’d love to kill both of those assholes for hurting you.” My brother acted all tough. I looked at him a start to giggle. “Lexi, Lexi. Everything is going to be okay. You need to focus on your babies.”
“Where’s Nick?” I asked out of the blue. I had a feeling he was still here.
“I’m right here.” He said from the doorway. I turned around and looked at him. His face was a mix of emotions. Nick’s eyes were filled with love, but I could see that he was unsure.
“Can’t you go home?” I snarled at him. I wasn’t ready to face him. What would I say to him? Brian had already told him I was having his babies. But, Nick already knew that. I was angry because he knew about Brian’s vasectomy and didn’t tell me. I felt like a fool in every aspects of my life.
“We need to talk.” He moved closer to me.
I backed away from him. “I have nothing to say.”
Nick attempted to take my hand, but I pulled it away quickly. I didn’t want him touching me. He took another step closer and placed his hands on my hips. “Stop being stubborn.” Nick yelled at me.
“Don’t tell me what to do.” I crossed my arms in front of me.
“Then you need to become the Lexi I know and love. I can’t stand to see the woman that Brian turned you in to.”
“You act like your innocent. Honestly, Nick you’re just as bad as he is. You lied to me, too. In my book that makes you no better.”
“And if I told you the truth, you wouldn’t have believed me.” He stated calmly. I stared down at my feet. If I looked at Nick, he would see the truth.
Nick walked over to me. With his finger he lifted my chin, so we were eye to eye. Time stood still as we watched each other. Neither of us knew what to do next. I didn’t want to speak the words I knew I needed to say. I was nervous. My heart couldn’t take another heartbreak.
“Alexia, you wouldn’t have believed me. Your heart was all about Brian. I was afraid you wouldn’t believe me. It was never my intention to hurt you.”
“But you did.” I paused and took a deep breath. “I’m tired. I think it would be better if you left. We can talk to tomorrow. I need some time to think about things. I’ll call you tomorrow.”
“I’ll do whatever you want. Lexi, I love you.” Nick said tenderly.
“Don’t go there.” Nick looked like he was going to cry. “Not now Nick. Please give me some time.”