Brielle was the first into the hotel room later that Thursday night. It was late; after eleven and she was exhausted; emotionally and physically. After she and Alex had finished their dinner, they’d taken up residence in the theater and watched Grown Ups with Kevin James and Adam Sandler then followed that with the horror movie Let Me In which had scared the blonde nearly to death and she was sure she was going to have nightmares the whole night.
Alex reassured he he’d check the closets and under the bed then stand watch throughout the night. Leaving Renee hadn’t been an easy feat; she had been livid when she found out that he wasn’t going to be around. But the tattooed man had managed to put his foot down and collect some belongings into an overnight bag then headed out with Brielle. Of course, he’d had to promise to spend Saturday evening home with Renee so they might be able to discuss ways for her to work past the hurt, grief and anger she was feeling.
Telling Brielle was going to be hard. She didn’t work weekends and he didn’t want her sitting around the hotel room by herself. But what could he do? Besides, the more he could help Renee get on with her life the sooner she’d be out of his and Brielle would be back into it the way she was meant to be. Maybe he could find someone to take her out for the night and keep her occupied.
“OhmygoshIhavetopee!” Brielle exclaimed all in one breath as she burst into the hotel room and made a beeline straight for the bathroom, not bothering to slip her shoes off or drop her bag to the side.
Alex laughed low at that and let the door close securely behind him then he did the deadbolt and slid the chain into place. Tossing the keycard to the side table, he pulled his own shoes off then moved further into the room and fell backward into the plush sofa, giving a loud sigh of relief. No Renee, no drama, no stress; just him and Brielle together. That thought enough put a smile on his face and all his worries melted away, his eyes closing.
“I cannot believe how many times in a day I’m peeing now,” Brielle’s voice drifted to his ears after a few moments as she reentered the room.
He peeked an eye open to see her sinking down into a chair and slipping her shoes off. “It’s the pregnancy.”
“You’re telling me.” Her nose wrinkled in a cute manner and she held her bare feet out to him. “My feet are starting to swell I think, that makes me so sad.”
“Why?” He chuckled then pushed himself up and slid onto the coffee table, reaching and pulling her feet into his lap. “You’ve had a pretty easy go at things so far, right?”
“Mmhmm; hardly any morning sickness, but something tells me all that’s going to catch up to me pretty soon.” Then she gave a soft groan as his fingers began massaging her tender feet in a gentle, yet thorough, manner.
He pouted, his lower lip sticking out considerably. “Poor Brielle.”
“Hush,” she laughed and swatted playfully at his shoulder, “you have no room to tease or poke fun at me. Just wait until I’m big as a house; I’ll use that belly to knock you around.”
That made him laugh and he had to duck his head as the mental of a very, very pregnant Brielle swinging her stomach side to side and sending people flying across the room flashed before his eyes.
She chuckled. “Is it really that funny?”
“I...I’m sorry,” he choked out. “I just…I just had this mental…” and then more laughter bubbled up and he trailed off.
She giggled low and wiggled her toes some, reminding him that he had a task he was currently occupied with and not to forget amidst whatever he found hilarious. “Well, at least you’re laughing and in good spirits.”
Alex nodded some at that as he worked to regain his composure, his fingers beginning their massage again. “Being with you puts me in a good mood.”
The smile she flashed told him she felt the same. “I’m glad.” Her eyes drifted to his hands and she watched him work a minute. “So,” she began after a comfortable silence had settled over the two. “Flown any kites lately?”
“Not a one.”
Her eyes flickered to his face. “Writing in your journal?”
Alex paused just briefly. “Trying to. Renee takes up a lot of my time and sometimes I don’t get to put as much effort into it as I want.”
That made her frown. “Are you drinking again?”
“What? No!” He looked at her with an earnest expression. “I haven’t had a drink since before you left to go back to New York. I swear! I may want to,” he shook his head some at that, “but I haven’t. And it’s been damn hard now that Renee is back in the picture again.”
“I’m sorry, Alex.”
“It’s not your fault.”
“I know,” she pouted at him, her eyes just radiating her emotions, “but I’m still sorry. Sorry that you have to go through what you are.”
He couldn’t bring himself to look at her, keeping his gaze trained on his hands and her feet. “I’m doing okay; I don’t want you worrying about me. You have enough to worry about on your own. The last thing I need is giving you even more to stress out about.”
“I’m doing okay.”
He paused then leaned over and placed a kiss to her knee.
“So,” she said after he had sat back up and resumed in his massaging. Maybe it was time for a subject change. “There’s something I wanted to talk to you about.”
Alex tilted his head, glancing to her face. “What’s that?”
“Well, tomorrow at the appointment, if they do an ultrasound, we might be able to find out the sex of the baby. Is that something you’re wanting to know?”
“They’ll be able to tell us tomorrow?”
She shrugged. “They might be able to, but it still might be too soon. Most everything I’ve read says usually about 17 weeks on, but some have said it’s possible at 15 or 16.” Her head bent to the side. “So I just wanna be prepared in case the doctor is able to see.”
“Oh,” Alex mulled it over for a moment, “it’d probably be easier and more convenient to go ahead and find out so we can be prepared.
“I know! That’s what I’ve been saying.” She giggled some. “But then again, the thought of waiting and getting to have that special moment when the doctor is like, ‘It’s a boy!’ or ‘It’s a girl!’ sounds exciting too.”
He pressed his lips together; she did have a point. “Would probably be the surprise of a lifetime.”
Brielle’s eyes were wide with excitement. “That’s what I’m saying.”
“So you wanna wait?”
Her brows drew together as she thought it over. “I don’t know; I do and I don’t. Gah, this is so hard!”
“Well, we don’t have to make up our minds right this moment. We can tell the doc we want to wait a little bit so she doesn’t blurt it out then we can think it over.”
She nodded a little at that and relaxed into the chair more. “True; I think that’s what I want to do. Give us time to make up our minds.”
“Right.” Alex smiled and squeezed her foot then set it onto the coffee table and took up her other one. “You know what we should probably start doing soon?”
“What?”
“Thinking about names.”
“Ooh,” her eyes lit up again, “you’re right. When I was back in New York, Lily and I picked up a baby name book. I haven’t really had a lot of time to look through it though.”
“Well,” he worked his fingers into the pad of her heel, eliciting a soft sound from her, “are there any names you can think up off the top of your head that you like?”
“I told Lily I liked the name Grace; for a girl of course.”
He chuckled. “Of course. Grace,” his head leaned toward the left, “that’s a pretty name.”
“You like it?”
Alex couldn’t help the warmth that spread through him at the happy grin on her face. “I do.”
Brielle giggled. “Sweet. I like Aidan for a boy.”
“Oh.” he made a face.
“You hate it.” The smile disappeared and her shoulders sank.
“No, no,” he quickly responded with, kicking himself for reacting that way. “I don’t hate it.” In truth, he kind of sort of did, but there’s no way he could tell her that. She’d burst into tears and flee the room.
“You do,” tears began to well in her eyes and she sniffed, “you hate the name.”
“No, baby, I don’t hate it. I just…” he searched for the right words, “it’s just…not high on my list is all. But we can think about it.”
“No, you hate it,” she responded in a cry-like voice. “We can’t name our baby something you hate.”
Guilt punched him hard in the chest as the dam burst and she began to cry. What the hell had he been thinking? He may not have a lot of experience with pregnant women, but he did know their emotions could turn on a dime and one had to tread carefully when it came to that. “Brielle, honey,” he let her foot from his lap then crouched before her and wiped at the tears with his thumbs, “I don’t hate it. Please don’t cry.”
“I can’t help it,” she wailed. “You hate that name. What if you hate every name? What if our baby doesn’t get a name? We’ll have a no name baby!”
Where was all this coming from? “That’s not true. We’re going to come up with the perfect name for our little guy or out little princess. I can promise you that.”
She sniffed and used the sleeves of her shirt to wipe her cheeks. “We…we will?”
“Of course.” His hand smoothed over the side of her face. “A name that we love and that will fit the baby exactly.”
“Are…” she hiccupped, “are you sure?”
“Positive.” Then he pushed to his feet and kissed her forehead. “How ‘bout you go grab the book and I’ll get you some water for your hiccups and we’ll go over some names?”
“Okay.” She sniffed again then rose to her own feet and headed for the bedroom.
With a sigh, Alex watched her go. That had been a close call. Talk about a possible disastrous situation there. He was lucky he’d been able to calm her down and she hadn’t started throwing her shoes at him. Hopefully that would never happen, but just in case, he might want to hide all her high heels so they didn’t poke his eyes out.
A few moments later, they were both settled on the couch, cuddled together with the book in Brielle’s lap and a bottle of water on the coffee table. She’d taken a few drinks of it until her hiccups had finally subsided then they’d gotten comfortable and cracked the book open.
“I can’t believe some of these names,” Alex mused from where he sat peering at the book, his arm resting on the back of the couch behind Brielle.
“I know right.” She shook her head some. “Who would name their child Aa…Aadhi…Aadhidhishankar?” She laughed. “I can’t even pronounce it.”
“Someone had to have or it wouldn’t be in there.” He chuckled and his fingers trailed lightly over her upper arm. In the process of gathering the book, Brielle had also washed her face and changed into some more comfortable clothes; a black tee and some blue and gray plaid pajama pants.
The small bump in her lower tummy was prominent with the way the shirt fit over her and Alex had found himself admiring it, a grin playing over his lips at the thought of helping put the child in her womb. When he’d first found out about the pregnancy, he’d been freaked out and panicked, but over the last weeks, something had changed and now he welcomed everything that the change had brought.
He was going to be a father. He was going to get to raise a little boy or a little girl with a woman he loved. Hopefully this was just the beginning of a wonderful adventure and down the road there’d be brothers and sisters, though a wedding first would be really nice.
“Alex? Are you listening to me?”
He blinked and snapped himself out of his daydream. “Sorry, what did you say?”
“I was asking you if you thought we would have a boy or a girl.”
“Oh,” his fingers smoothed up and into her hair, “well, I’ve always said I was going to have a girl first. Out of all us guys in the group, Kev, Brian, Howie; they’ve all had boys first and I think I’m gonna be the one to have the first girl.” A smile formed on his lips. Truth be told, he wanted the first girl. But if God decided to bless them with a boy then he wasn’t going to become upset. He’d love his son as much as he would a daughter.
“Well, let’s look at the girl’s names first then.” She kissed his cheek then flipped from the boy’s names beginning with A to the girl’s names beginning with A. “Okay, let’s see here.”
Alex studied her a moment and grinned then peeked toward the book as well. “Wow, who knew there were so many ways to spell Abigail.”
“I know right.” She scanned the first page slowly. “It’s a pretty name, but I don’t see me using it.”
“Same here.” He let his fingers play in her hair and kissed her head. “What else ya got?”
“Umm…a lot of names that I don’t like and some I don’t even want to try to pronounce. Where are all the regular, easy to read names?”
He chuckled then slowly reached over to the book. “Maybe you should try turning the page,” as he spoke, he demonstrated the action.
“I coulda done that.” She smoothed the page over then continued her quest. “Addison’s a cute name.”
“What does it mean?”
“Son of Adam. Bah, I want there to be a good meaning for the name; nothing like son of so n’ so or knot on head.”
“Well,” Alex mulled it over in his head, “maybe we should try from a different approach.”
Her eyes lifted to his face. “What’s that?”
“Maybe instead of looking for a name we like, we start with finding a meaning and then a name we like might be there. Kinda like hitting two birds with one stone.”
“Ooh,” she smiled, “I like the way you think. Okay, so we need to look up meanings first.” And she was flipping through the book until she came upon the index that listed all different kinds of terms that would direct you to certain names. “What kind of meaning do we want?”
Alex thought that question over. “Maybe something like hope or joy or perseverance.”
“Perseverance?”
“Yeah,” his eyes met hers, “everything we’ve both overcome, all the obstacles and difficulties we’ve been through to get to where we are and to have this little baby in our arms; it all is pretty special to me.”
She smiled again. “That’s all very true. Okay, let’s see what we can find.” Turning back to the book, Brielle began checking the different words to match a name they might like. Finally, she made a little face and sat back. “There really isn’t much with those meanings. There’s Tansy, which is persistent or tenacious and there’s Ahonui, which is Hawaiian and means patience. But I don’t really care for either of them.”
“Tansy’s a little different, but I’m not big on them either.”
“Yeah,” she sighed, “and the name I want for our baby has to be unique for them. I don’t want something common like Jennifer or Allison or Matthew, because then in school they’ll be known as Matthew #4 or Jennifer #12.”
Alex chuckled and stroked his fingers through her hair. “I agree. Well, why don’t we try another meaning?”
“Like what?”
“Like,” he drew the word out as he thought it over, “like grace. You liked the name Grace; let’s see what kind of other names mean that.”
“Okay.” She turned back to the book. “Well, there are a lot of names that mean grace or a derivative of it,” she spoke after locating the meaning and the names that went with it.
He tilted his head and peered over the pages she was looking at. “Oh yeah?”
“Mmhuh, like Alagracia, Ana, Analiese, Anya; which I like, but makes me think of Buffy, so no. Um, Charisse, Graceann, Gracelyn- ooh, I kind of like that.”
“Gracelyn? I kinda do too. What’s it mean?”
Brielle flipped a few pages until she had an answer. “It’s a form of Grace and Lyn, which essentially means, a graceful waterfall.”
“That’s actually very pretty.” He smiled. “And we could call her Grace or Gracie for short. Maybe we should be writing this down.”
She nudged some paper into his lap. “Go ahead.”
Alex chuckled and took up the paper and pen she’d gathered earlier. “Okay.” He jotted the name down then settled the notebook back into his lap. “Should we try a boy name?”
“Sure, you have anything in mind?”
“Not really.”
Her blue eyes studied him a moment then she pressed her lips together and turned back to the book, rifling through it.
He arched a brow. “What are you doing?”
She giggled low and found what she was looking for. “Your name means, protector of men. You know, I think that fits you perfectly. Look at how well you’re taking care of me.”
Alex couldn’t stop his grin. “I think you’re right.” Then he brushed his fingers over her arm and kissed her cheek. “If he’s a he, do you want to name him after me?”
“I really don’t want a junior. But I wouldn’t be against using one of your names for his middle name.”
“Yeah, I don’t want a junior either,” he had to agree. The thought of having another Alexander James around who might possibly go down the same path he’d been down didn’t sit well with him. But he was determined not to make his parents’ mistakes or let his child make his.
“Okay, so maybe we find names that mean strength.” She turned back to the meaning index and began a new search. After a moment her head fell back against his arm and the book fell lifelessly into her lap. “This is hopeless. I can’t find anything I like or can pronounce.”
He kissed her head then slowly reached and pulled the book from her lap, letting it close. “I think we’re both just tired. It’s been a very long week and we have a long day ahead of us tomorrow, so maybe we put the baby naming on hold and get some rest.”
“I think you’re right,” she sounded sleepy. Then she turned and curled herself into his side. “I feel like I could sleep for a week.”
Alex set the book on the end table next to the sofa then shifted and pulled her fully into his arms. “Are you getting enough rest?”
“Not really; sometimes I don’t sleep well.”
That made him pout and his arms tightened around her. “Oh baby, that’s not good, you need your rest.”
“I know, but I get uncomfortable or I can’t stop thinking about how much I miss you and being around you.”
Alex hated that she felt that way and he was causing it. “I wish I knew what to do. I wish I could snap my fingers and make everything right again. I would in a heartbeat, you know.” He shifted his gaze to peer into her sleepy face. “I would much rather have you in my house than Renee. I wish you two could be there together and I’m so sorry that it’s come to this. I just…I don’t know how to fix it or what to do.”
“No, no, you’re okay. I don’t want you feeling guilty about this.” Slowly, she pulled herself from his embrace and sat up to face him. The last thing she wanted was him feeling guilty about the situation. He’d be liable to go right back to the bottle and that’s something she didn’t want. She hadn’t meant to make it sound like she was miserable. Truth be told, she was, but she thought she’d been doing a good job at masking it.
“I can’t help feeling guilty. It’s my fault we’re in the mess we are. All of it is my fault; your pregnancy, Renee being psycho about it, her losing the baby.” Sorrow filled his eyes and he leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and dropping his face into his hands. “If I had just done things right from the beginning none of us would be in the positions we are.”
The blonde sucked in a sharp breath. “You don’t mean that.”
He turned his head toward her without lifting it. “Why can’t I? There wouldn’t be any of the pain, drama or guilt going on that we’re all feeling.”
“Because then I would never have met you.” A frown filtered over her face. “Is that what you want? To go back to before we’d ever met? You wish none of it would have happened?”
“No,” he sighed and sat back up, “I just don’t want you to have to be miserable and alone here. I mean, look at you,” he waved a hand around, “you’re living in a hotel room because I have a woman who hates you living in my house. You should be living in my house; not her.”
“Then tell her to go back to her place.”
Alex felt his body sagging into the couch. “It’s not that easy.”
“I know it’s not.” She shifted closer to him and took his hand. “And that’s why I chose to come here. It was my decision, Alex. I could have stayed, but I don’t want to put you through what it would have caused. I know that you’re being forced to make decisions you don’t want and I want to be the last person to put any kind of pressure on you. I don’t want to be the rock that forces you between it and the hard place.”
“But look what it’s doing to you; you can’t sleep, you’re miserable, alone.”
“But it’s only temporary.” She held his hand to her cheek. “You’re going to figure a way to help Renee and move her out of your house and then it’ll be you and me again. I can deal with a little misery and loneliness if it means a lifetime of being truly happy and with you.”
He wet his bottom lip in a hesitant manner. “You really mean that?”
“I do,” as she spoke the words her heart began to beat loudly in her head, filling her ears. “I found home when I found you. You’re where I belong and nothing, not even Renee and all her crap is going to keep us apart. Delay, maybe, but never apart.”
“Will you marry me?”
Brielle blinked at those words, feeling her breath catch in her chest. “Wh…what?”
He looked as shocked as she did, but didn’t let it faze him. Instead, he turned to face her and gripped her hands in his. “Marry me, Brielle. You’re the only one I want, the only one I’ll ever want. No one has ever touched me in the ways you have and just breathing the same air as you strengthens me and makes me want to be the best man I can be for you and for our baby.”
She didn’t know what to respond with. Her chest had grown tight and the sound of her heartbeat pounding against her ribcage was echoing in her ears. “I…Alex…you…” she stammered, unsuccessful in forming a complete sentence or thought.
“We belong together. You love me, don’t you,” it was more a statement than a question.
She tried to speak again, but her voice got lost somewhere in her throat. Instead, she could only nod. She did, she truly loved him with a passion never felt before. And in the short time they’d come to know each other, she already knew there’d never be anyone else.
“Then marry me,” he spoke in a hushed tone. “I want you with me and by my side for the rest of my life. I don’t care about anyone or anything else.”
Tears shone in her eyes and she finally found some of her voice, “What about Renee?”
“She can go back to her place for all I care. I’ll even take her there myself. Hell, I’ll even fly her to her parents so they can help her like they should be if it means that I’ll have you with me forever.”
“It’s so fast,” her voice was but a mere whisper.
He had to agree there, but the minute the words slipped from his mouth, Alex knew they were the right ones. From day one; when he’d seen her in that bar fumbling through her purse trying to find money to pay her bar tab, he knew she was special. Something had stirred in his chest when he’d first laid eyes on her and now he knew what that was; she was his soul mate and they had finally found one another.
“It can be fast when you find the right one,” he spoke as quiet as she had. “I love you and I want you and our baby in my life forever. I want you in my arms when I fall asleep; I want you there when I wake. I want your laughter filling our home and our children’s feet running up and down the hall. I want you there for all my good days and I want to be there for all your bad ones. Don’t you see,” his eyes searched her face and he brushed some tears off her cheek with his thumb, “you’re it for me, Brielle. It’s your name that’s tattooed on my heart.”
She couldn’t speak; a lump the size of a tennis ball was in her throat. Reaching a hand to her throat, she tried to massage it away. Fresh tears filled her eyes and slipped down her cheeks to replace the ones Alex was brushing off.
He kissed her knuckles and held her hands to his chest, right over his heart. “Tell me you love me.”
“I…I…I love you,” she choked out around the lump, the tears coming harder now and throwing herself into his arms. “I love you so much.”
Alex held her tight, rocking them back and forth and feeling his own cheeks grow damp. “Tell me you want to marry me,” his voice was thick and laced with tears.
She did want to marry him; there was no one else she wanted and nowhere else she ever wanted to be. But it was just so fast and so much and there was still Renee they had to deal with. “What…what about…Renee.”
He pulled back and cupped her face with both hands, forcing their teary eyes to meet. “You don’t have to worry about Renee; not now, not ever. Tomorrow, rather you agree to marry me or not, I’m going to call her parents then I’m going to arrange to have her flown to wherever it is they are. I’m not her rock anymore; whatever she and I had is over and in the past. You are all that matters to me now and I’m so sorry I haven’t been there like I should have been.” He kissed her forehead then her damp cheeks before his lips found hers.
The kiss was soft and gentle and lasted only a few seconds, but it filled Brielle with a warmth and she melted back into his arms. “You really want to marry me?”
He peeked down to her face and a broad grin spread over his mouth. “I do, I really do. And I know this wasn’t the most appropriate proposal, hell, I don’t even have a ring. I can’t even propose right.” He chuckled and smoothed a hand over her head then down her back. “But I want nothing more than to make you my wife.”
“When?”
“Well, I’d take you to Vegas tonight if I could.” She laughed low at that and he grew serious. “But honestly, I don’t know; I wasn’t planning to propose tonight. I’d like to do it again with a ring and make it an official proposal and then after that we can discuss when.”
She smiled at that. “Will you get down on one knee?”
“Of course.” He brushed his lips over her forehead. “Baby, I’d crawl over broken glass if it meant you’d agree to be my wife.”
Brielle looked horrified. “I wouldn’t want you to do that.”
“Then say yes tonight and I won’t include broken glass in my plans for the real proposal.”
She pulled once more out of his arms and sat facing him. “I love you, Alex, and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I just…I didn’t want to add any more pressure to an already stressful situation. I thought that if I told you how I felt, you’d be torn in the decisions you’d have to make and I want to be the last person to ever make you feel that way.” She fiddled her fingers with the hem of her shirt, more tears clouding her vision. “You were already being stretched so thin.”
“Hey, that’s okay,” he took hold of her face and kissed her cheeks, “I knew you loved me, you weren’t voicing it, but it shone in your eyes and the things you said or did. And moving into this hotel room,” his eyes darted around at their surroundings before settling on her face again, “baby, that told me everything I ever needed to know. You were giving up your comfort and your time with me and sacrificing, so to say, your needs for mine; that’s the ultimate example of love right there.”
She was crying again and mentally cursed at her hormones. “I…I just…want you to be...be okay.”
“That’s just it, baby. You’re what makes me okay. These past few days without you around and when you went back to New York have shown me that you’re all I need. It’s made me realize that I never want to be away from you again.”
“I don’t want to be away from you either,” she choked the words out around her tears and fell back into him, pressing her face against his chest.
Alex hugged her tight and close, feeling the love that was radiating between the two. Peering down to her face, he brushed some hair away so he could see her eyes. “So that’s a yes?”
Brielle gave a sobbed laugh and nodded her head. “Yes, yes, I’ll marry you.”
Her words were jumbled with her tears, but he understood them all the same. Relief flooded through him and unshed tears filled his eyes. Ducking his head to hers, he brushed his lips over her cheek. “You’re never going to regret it; I can promise you that. Never. I’m going to spend the rest of my life showing you how thankful I am to have you and how much I love you.”
She didn’t doubt his words. He’d already been doing that even if he didn’t realize it. In fact, they both had. And now they would be together forever. That thought made her cry harder and she held him so tight. She was home, where she belonged. Her heart had finally found its destination.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Enjoy!
Chapter End Notes:
Thank you for all your wonderful comments. They've kept me motivated and the chapters are coming faster. Please keep them coming. Thanks again! :)
