The waves crashed gently on the shore, the dawn was just beginning to break over the horizon. It cast a rosy hue upon the sky, making the ocean look darker. It was beautiful, and it was peaceful. He sat upon the sand, not caring much if it got all over. Part of him wanted to surf then. But he was afraid to, what if something happened? What if he was on his board and suddenly forgot how he got there? It would cause him to fall, possibly hit his head with the board. He could drown.
Few people were on the beach so early in the morning. Just the hard core surfers. And even then, he figured most people would assume he was in Malibu, rather than Huntington Beach. He didn’t feel like dealing with fans, just wasn’t up to acting like everything was fine. He didn’t want to make jokes, he didn’t want to pretend. That was why he was keeping away from the fellas that morning, despite how he hated being alone. If he was around them, he knew, he’d have to pretend that everything was alright.
He’d called Angel after Jen left; she said she’d meet him there that morning. She loved the ocean almost as much as he did. She didn’t see anything odd about meeting at the beach so early in the morning. If nothing else, he knew he never had to worry about her. She was the sole member of the Carters who seemed to have gotten her life in a good place. No bitterness, no regrets.
Nick knew he’d have to call Brian later, meet him at the airport when he flew in that night. That was another call from last night, agreeing that he would need the help his best friend would give tagging along on his little promotional travels. He wondered when Jen would break the news to Universal. When would they call him, trying to get him to sign the rights over to them for control of all the unreleased material?
Not that it mattered.
He’d call Howie, and have him go to the lawyers with him, and settle everything. The living will, the rights to all his creative property, what’ll happen to him when he can’t take care of himself anymore. One day soon, he’d have to tell the rest of his family. And then deal with them the moment the living will was read, because his first request would be that it was read while he was still within a sound frame of mind. They wouldn’t like what he had to say, but it had to be done. And like it or not, his so called family, would just have to deal with it. And Angel, Nick just felt bad for leaving her to deal with them alone. He felt as if he was abandoning her.
He felt as if he was abandoning everyone he cared about, and it killed him.
“Nick!” His younger sister called out, causing him to jerk a bit. He turned with a smile, and stood. Brushing the sand off himself, he walked slowly over. If anything, Nick wanted to delay this moment as long as he could. Spend the day bonding with her; enjoy himself, before unloading the burden on her.
“Hey you! I haven’t seen you since New Year’s.” She eyed him playfully as a mild breeze blew her dark strands around her face. Angel hugged him tightly, causing him to genuinely smile, rather than the fake one he’d worn more often that he’d have liked to lately.
He shrugged. “Been touring, and after that disaster…”
The two began their stroll down the beach, both of them were barefoot. “I’m sorry they acted that way.”
“Why are you sorry? It’s not your fault.”
“Feels like it. I don’t know why they do this to you.”
Nick sighed, pausing to stare out at the water. “Because mom and dad did it. So now, they think its okay. Not consciously but ya know, subconsciously. That’s what my therapist says anyway. Makes sense I guess.”
She frowned. “You’re seeing a therapist again?”
Shit. He didn’t mean to say that. “Um, yeah, Kevin thought it might help.”
Angel smiled. “I think it is, you don’t sound as angry as you normally do about them.”
He didn’t answer. How would he without telling her everything? That the real reason he wasn’t so angry anymore wasn’t because he understood them, but because he was forced to simply give up on them? Nick threw his arm around her shoulder and they started to walk again.
“I don’t?” He smirked. “Eh, it’ll come back once we’re around them again.
“Oh now there’s a positive attitude.”
“Hell I call it realistic.”
“Good point.”
“Have you heard from Aaron?” Nick asked, hoping for a good answer. The last he’d heard from him was New Year’s Eve, when he hadn’t even bothered to show up for their attempt at family bonding. After that, even with Nick being mad at him, he tried to call. It was simply that Aaron refused to answer, which was new, and it hurt.
“I do, but no one else does. It’s not just you, if that helps.” The tone of her voice almost broke his heart. “It’s just; he’s not the same anymore. Between the drugs and the alcohol, all the partying, and he’s still determined to stay in music….which would be okay if he did something. But he doesn’t so he just calls me to complain and blame everyone else? And lately, I’ve just, had a bad feeling…”
Long ago, Nick had stopped making fun of Angel’s “twin sense”. The two had always known when the other was in danger. Once, Angel had broken her arm while Aaron had just started touring with the Backstreet Boys, and he complained about his arm aching all day. He sighed; maybe it was just because the signs were so obvious. He wanted to believe that anyway. Because if it was Angel’s “twin sense”, he knew that whatever it was, it was worse than he thought.
“We need to do an intervention.”
“You know…as well as I do, that it won’t work unless everyone’s in on it and-”
“-And there’s not a chance in hell in getting everyone to agree. Right. I know.”
“I’m just concerned about him.”
“I know, he’s doing the exact shit I did, and now…” Now I can’t save him, because I can’t even save myself. He finished silently.
Angel stopped, turning towards him. He paused, eyeing her carefully. Her dark eyes were determined, while clouds of worry swirled within. “So are you ever going to tell me the real reason you wanted to hang out today?”
Nick stared at her. “Wait, what?”
Seagulls could be seen above them, as the sun continued to rise slowly into the sky. More people were coming on to the beach. And Nick tried to focus on everything else except for his sister right then. Angel, who looked at him pleadingly, determinedly, wanting to know even though he could see she sensed she wouldn’t like what he had to say.
“I know you, and you wanted to hang out so you could tell me something. But in typical you fashion, you don’t wanna ruin the day, so you figure you’ll tell me at the end. Don’t you know I know ya well enough to figure it out?” She stuck her tongue out at him playfully. “You’re so used to the rest of the family not knowing you at all, you forget I actually do.”
Nick nodded, and slowly, he let the story of the past year unfold. He simply talked and talked, telling her stuff that wasn’t necessary. He just continued talking, about the stress, and the pain. The fear and the doubt. Everything.
And as tragic as everything was, it felt so relieving to finally put it all out there. Tears were streaming down his sister’s face. He moved to hug her, and she simply let him. Her face buried itself into his shoulder, sobbing endlessly, as she took on the knowledge that someday in the not so distant future, she’d be losing her brother forever.
****
Nick yawned as he waited in the airport. Brian had said seven o’ clock pm, right?
He glanced around and waited by the baggage claim. He really hoped he was at the right airport. Nick even made sure to write it down. The last thing he needed was to forget everything and end up at the wrong place. He hated feeling so paranoid of forgetting, but he couldn’t help himself.
He ran a hand through his hair anxiously. Nick didn’t go incognito as he normally did. He was banking on the fact the fans knew he lived in Tennessee now, and hoped they assumed he was there. It was amazing how much he hadn’t missed being mobbed all the time during their “underground phase”. He loved that the group finally earned respect before he had to quit, finally won that Grammy with their “Freedom” album. However, the mobs of fanatic girls were something he could still do without if given the choice.
“Come on Bri…” He walked over to the monitor and looked up Brian’s flight. “Delayed, that figures…”
“Hello? I’m sorry, I know I’m totally bugging you…but…you’re Nick Carter aren’t you?”
Nick turned, immediately flashing his trademark smile. The girl was young, maybe twenty-five at most. So she was old enough to be a fan since the beginning, though she probably would’ve only been about seven years old back then. Her green eyes sparkled with excitement from behind her glasses, and she smiled a bit anxiously. He figured she was likely afraid she was bothering him. He always loved when fans tried to respect that he was still a person, it made him want to interact with them that much more.
“You’re not bugging me. I’m just waiting on Brian, but his flight’s delayed.” He replied, deciding instantly she wouldn’t be the type to yell and scream and text the world about them being there.
Her eyes widened. “Are you guys working on the new album?”
He nodded. “And Brian’s helping me out with my solo stuff, you’ve heard-”
“About the charity you’re creating for it? Oh my God, yes and I think its sooooo sweet you’re doing that? You’re…” Her cheeks tinged pink. “You’re my fave, because of how much of an environmentalist you are…and your voice… Your guys’ music has done so much for me growing up, and well, I just can’t believe I’m finally meeting you…”
Nick grinned. This was why it was worth it all. The way they seemed to touch their fans lives. “How long have you been a fan?”
“Since Millennium. Show Me The Meaning Of Being Lonely really helped me through a rough time. I was only nine years old and…” It always touched him when he learned one of their songs helped a fan like that. No matter how many times he heard it.
“So what’s your name? Do you have a camera?”
That was when she suddenly squealed so loud several people turned to look around to see if something was happening. Nick laughed. “Shhh. Or they’ll hunt me down.”
“I’m sorry, it’s just I can’t believe this is actually happening.” She rummaged through her purse, pulling out a digital camera. “My name’s Annie.”
Nick threw his arm around her, holding up the camera to try and get a good shot of the two of them. His tongue ran across his lips, thinking, when Brian came up and took it from him. Brian grinned. “Hey, you guys want me to take a picture?”
“Oh my God…you’re Brian…” Nick was positive if one more Backstreet Boy came up; they’d give the poor girl a heart attack.
Brian laughed. “That’s what everyone tells me.”
“You’re my favorite after Nick, I just…wow…”
“Awww, after Nick? I’m the better one, really.” Brian stopped the next person walking past them. “Excuse me; can you take this picture for us? Thank you.” After a few poses with the girl, they handed the camera back to her. Her eyes were shining, and Nick’s heart swelled. He would miss this. That much was evident.
“Thank you guys so much, I will never forget this. And Nick, I can’t wait to hear your album. All your talk about helping the world, well, you’re the one who inspired me to go get a Masters in Environmental Science, so I could try and help save the planet.”
His eyes widened. Nick never realized all the environmentalist talk actually got to some of his fans. Too many experiences led him to think most of them listened just because they thought he looked pretty. “Hey Annie, write down your address for me. Maybe I can send you a copy.”
Another loud squeal, a hastily jotted note, and several hugs later, the two boys watched her go. She was practically skipping away. Nick and Brian started making their way out of the terminal. The two walked into the parking garage, and Nick couldn’t stop smiling. It felt good to be reminded the effect he’s had on people. To be reminded that he would be remembered. That was still his biggest wish, to have had the impact, to not be forgotten.
It was what he needed to help him get through what was to come.
