Nick rubbed his backside as he rode along the cobblestone path. He glanced at Kevin oddly. The two were horseback riding, and Nick was beginning to wonder why he’d agreed to do so. This wasn’t something he’d choose to do on his own. He would never say it, but he felt these days he was living for everyone in his life that he cared about, rather than himself. How could it be for his own satisfaction when he lived with the knowledge that one day he wouldn’t remember any of it? Brian always got mad at him if he vocalized such thoughts. He kept telling Nick to pray, but he could see it in his best friend’s eyes, Brian didn’t believe in the power of prayer the way he once did. He tried to cast the thoughts aside and just enjoy the moment.
Easier said than done of course.
The sun was high in the sky that September morning, with the troubles and excitement of August now behind them. The world was still reeling from the news he’d revealed only two weeks before. There wasn’t a day without calls from various media, all hounding him for the long exclusive interview he was continuously denying.
Maybe I’ll do that Rolling Stone interview, just so everyone else can leave me the hell alone.
The fellas were doing their best to protect him from it. They were the ones talking to the public; they were the ones being interviews, calling the radio stations, making appearances. Of course, that in the end made Nick all the more desirable. He felt like a recluse these days. More often than not, he was choosing to stay home. There were times he would visit the beach, but it wasn’t as often as it once was. He knew everyone was worried about him, about him staying so secluded. That was what had him outside on that beautiful day. A breeze blew around them, tossing the red tinged leaves into the air and along their path. There was no one observing them. They were alone and at peace with nature.
Nick would never admit it, but this was exactly what he needed.
“My ass hurts.”
Kevin snickered, looking right on top of the horse in a way Nick knew he never would. All he needed was a cowboy hat to complete the image. “Stop whining.”
“I’m not whining!” He whined, sticking his tongue out at him playfully.
“So, how are you Nick? I mean really.”
“Other than my ass being sore as hell?”
Kevin smirked. “Yes.”
“I’m alright, BJ got into town last night, and she hugged me after crying for an hour. The reading of the…well ya know…is tomorrow and I’m nervous.”
Silence settled between them as both men reflected on what that meant. Nick had made the decision that when the will was read; he would be there as well. The idea was that if it was announced while was really still within a state of “sound mind” that there wouldn’t be much room for anyone to contest it. The idea of that was tragic, but on that same note, Nick knew his family well. Nick liked to think he was simply being overcautious. If anything, he didn’t want to be proven right. He wanted more than anything to be proven wrong.
“Did you ever hear from…?”
“Aaron? Fuck no. My dad? Yeah, for like ten minutes, he finally called yesterday. I think Leslie made him do it. She’s still crashing on my couch.”
Kevin nodded and the two fell silent once again. Their horses trotted slowly, comfortably. Nick looked around, wondering what it would be like when he could no longer remember anything. Would he still be himself deep down? Would it be like being in a coma but not able to wake up? The questions he’d ask himself were morbid. They were also unknown. Despite the fear they caused, he still couldn’t help but think them anyway.
“Penny for your thoughts?”
“They ain’t worth that much anymore.”
A fuzzy brow quirked. “Not the way I hear it. People are chomping at the bit to hear from you.”
Nick shrugged, suddenly feeling the urge to go faster. “How do you accelerate with these damn things?”
“That’s probably not the best-”
The heels of his feet slammed into the sides of his chestnut colored horse. It neighed loudly before taking off fiercely. Nick yelped before he leaned forward and tightened his grip. The horse ran at a pace Nick definitely hadn’t expected. A quick look around showed the blurring of his surroundings and Nick yelped yet again as the horse leapt over something he couldn’t see.
“Keviiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin!” He yelled, trying his best to slow the animal down. “Okay! Stop! Hold up! Come onnnnn!”
He could hear Kevin pursuing him, wished that Kevin’s horse skills were as good as he liked to say they were. The chase continued and Nick felt like he was in a really bad western. He could hear Kevin yelling for him, and then laughing. Nick heard himself whining and tugged as hard as he could on the reigns.
“I said WHOA-aaaaaaaaaaaaaah!” He screamed as the creature came to a sudden halt. Nick was thrust forward. He flew off the horse and over its head. He crashed in a nearby mud puddle off to the side of the path. Mud splashed everywhere. His surroundings spun for a moment as he sat up and attempted to regain his bearings. Nick rubbed the side of his head. Kevin rode up calmly as Nick spit and sputtered out all the dirt and water that had gotten in his mouth. His golden hair was now wet, thick, and dark. His face was caked with the gunk, his clothes surely ruined. Bright blue eyes stood out amongst his face of brown as he stared at Kevin who now couldn’t stop laughing. Nick crossed his arms and pouted, still seated in the puddle.
“Why did I think this was a good idea again?”
“I think it’s the best idea I’ve ever had.”
Nick rolled his eyes. “Ha. Ha. Ha.”
****
For the first time since he got the place, Nick suddenly felt suffocated in his own living room. He was leaning against the back of the black leather sofa, watching everyone. When he glanced downwards, there sat Leslie, Angel, Bobbie Jean, and Brian. In one of the red lay-z-boy chairs, Kevin sat, waiting expectantly. In the other chair, on the left side of the couch, was Howie. AJ was sitting on the floor cross-legged and shifting every few minutes. Nick could hear his bad knee pop every time he did. He glanced around and spotted his mother. She paced impatiently with the look of someone who would rather be anywhere else. Nick thought the same. He didn’t want her here and in fact was regretting his own decision about her. Even if he knew it would make everything easier.
Before them all stood a bookish man in a slick Armani suit. His salt and pepper hair was slicked back with gel. He cleared his throat before adjusting the thick black framed glasses that beheld two small beady eyes. This was Nick’s lawyer, Jonathan Keller, and one of the rare people on Nick’s list of those he trusted. He’d worked for him years and they have also been friends for some time. There was no one else he would’ve asked to get involved with this.
Another glance to the door. No one knocked or rang the doorbell. I’m better off, he told himself. Did it matter if his father and brother had chosen not to show up even after they’d been notified? Nick made sure they had been, having done it through certified mail to be sure they would get it. He thought about how everyone would have gone if they had come. It would’ve just been more fucking drama, he tried to convince himself as he ignored the sour taste that suddenly appeared in his mouth.
And I don’t need any more of that shit today.
“Now you all know why you’ve been brought here.” Jonathan’s voice sliced through his thoughts. “But to reiterate, it’s because you’re listed in the last will and testament of Nickolas Gene Carter. He requested the reading be done now, while he’s still in a competent state of mind so that no questions will come up later on when he is no longer as such.”
Jane Carter was the first to look personally affronted by that last statement. Nick wasn’t shocked, as it had been specifically directed at her, his father, and Aaron. He loved them, but he was no longer the fool he used to be when it came to them in years past. He eyed her curiously, waiting for her to say something, but was surprised when her mouth simply opened and then closed without a word.
“So let us begin,” his lawyer cleared his throat yet again. Nick considered going to get him water. He looked down at his papers and began to read.
I…Nickolas Gene Carter, being in a sound state of mind, do hereby make, publish and declare this to be my Last Will and Testament and do revoke any and all other Wills and Codicils heretofore made by me. I write this now knowing this will be read while I am still alive, and deteriorating by a disease that will soon rob me of my current frame of mind.
So I’ll keep this simple.
Brian Thomas Littrell, my best friend and brother in more ways than I can count. I name you as my guardian. When I am no longer considered capable of taking care of myself or able to make decisions, I want you to be the one to make them for me. You will be the one who decides my future care. I’m sorry to be such a burden to you, but I hope you’ll forgive me.
“Why are you apologizing?” He could hear Brian mutter, his voice broken.
Kevin Scott Richardson, I name you as the executor of my estate. You’ve been like my father in more ways than one, and if anyone could keep everything in line, it would be you. Thank you for everything. You’ve saved my life more than once, and I was blessed when you joined the group.
To the above mentioned, I also give the two of you the sole rights to any and all music recordings done with the group and solo. There are two albums worth the solo recordings locked away on my computer, and the discs are within my safe. You have my blessings to release them when you want, as a last gift to the fans who loved us.
He glanced over at Kevin, but he kept his head down. He thought he heard an odd noise, like the hybrid of a choke and a cough coming from him, but he couldn’t be sure.
Alexander James Mclean, you’re probably the craziest person I’ve ever met. But you and I are so much alike. We have way too much in common, so I feel like I get you better than anyone. So to you, I give you my house in Tennessee and everything in it. You’d be surprised what the country can do for you, and maybe it’ll give you the peace it gave me.
AJ turned around and a look of understanding passed between them when their eyes met.
Howard Dwayne Dorough – to you, you get all the pictures of me to stare at! Because I’m gorgeous. Okay, I’m kidding. Instead, I give you fifty percent ownership of my nonprofit organization – Living Free. You’re a financial genius and I love you for it. Think of it as a new business that saves the world. I think you’ll enjoy it then. You may be a dork, but damn it Howie, you’re our dork. I hope you know that. Maybe you can make my last project something to really remember.
Howie shook his head at him, chuckling, though the smile couldn’t quite meet his eyes.
To my baby sister, Angel Charisma Carter – I list you first out of the family, and I think you know why. Throughout everything, you’ve been there for me. You didn’t care about my money, and you decided you’d make your own way. You’re so special Angel, and even if I won’t be there to see it, I hope one day you’ll be luckier than me and find that special someone. Until then, between modeling projects, I leave you with the other fifty percent ownership of my nonprofit organization, Living Free. This way, Howie can be your new big brother protector when I can’t be, and you can change the world too since you love the ocean as much as I do.
“Nick…no one can be you, you know that right?” Tears had sprung to Angel’s eyes, and her head went forward, a curtain of russet hair to cover her face. His heart felt the twinge of pain that followed as a result but he kept his face impassive. If he broke down, everyone would.
To my musical muse of a sister, Leslie Barbra Carter…I hope you know I went back and changed this after we talked. I wish it had happened sooner. I regret not fixing our relationship before it was too late. I leave you with my record label – Kaotic Inc. with the hopes that finally the amazing musician you are can finally be shown to the world. On the condition that if Aaron Charles Carter ever truly becomes sober from alcohol and drugs you immediately sign him on for a three album record deal.
Leslie glanced up at him in shock, but Nick shook his head, not wanting her to question him then.
To Aaron Charles Carter – my only flesh and blood brother. I leave you with the promise of a future. I will give you a record deal with no questions asked, guaranteed for three albums. The sole condition is that you enter rehab for drug and alcohol abuse and remain sober for two years before being signed. Once signed you must continue to battle your addictions or you will be dropped. I love you, and I only want to help you. It kills me to know I can’t. But I’m going to try anyway. You’re my baby brother Airboy, and don’t ever forget it.
He felt a pair of eyes burning into him. Nick turned to see Jane with an expression he couldn’t quite read. Feeling uncomfortable, he glanced away again.
And to my last sister – Bobbie Jean Carter. BJ, we’ve had our issues. We haven’t worked them out but I don’t care anymore. I love you and even when you hate me I’m always going to do my best to help you. Even if it makes you hate me more. To you, I leave the amount of one million dollars in the hopes you’ll use it to start a restaurant chain, the way you always dreamed. All of us deserve to live our dreams. I got to live mine, and I want you to live yours.
Nick tried to meet BJ’s gaze. Between her crying and hugging him, there hadn’t been much talk. Instead, she simply looked away. He sighed, but said nothing.
To my father, Robert Gene Carter – I leave you all the photo albums of us and the family as I grew up. Maybe then it’ll remind you of what you left behind. I want Kevin to personally deliver them to your door.
Nick swallowed hard. He knew then it was better Bob hadn’t made it. He heard the sharp intake of breath from his mother the moment the words had come out of Jonathan’s mouth. He didn’t want to know what would’ve happened if he had shown up. But then again, the fact he hadn’t was exactly the reason he had left him what he had. Kevin looked over at him, and Nick simply smirked.
And finally, to my mother, Jane Elizabeth Carter – I leave her what she’s been begging me for years. I don’t feel she deserves it. But I know she’ll contest the will if I choose not to do so. So since she seems to love it more than me, her son, I leave my mother with the full money of my financial estate minus the money left to my sister Bobbie Jean, and minus the costs of my care, funeral, and other arrangements which is to be decided solely by Brian Littrell. She will be rewarded the money on the day of my death and not a day before.
Everyone in the room gasped. He saw the mixed look upon his mother’s face. A look of hurt, horror and exhilaration to create an expression he’d never quite seen before. Nick knew why everyone was so surprised. As the lawyer continued on with the last bits of the will, he walked out of the room. The major revelations had been stated and this was now the more minor business stuff he’d been required to include. He didn’t want to talk, and he didn’t want to deal with Jane. He stood there in the hallway, looking at all the plaques he’d acquired during his career. He smiled, proud at his accomplishments.
He didn’t know how long he’d been standing there when the heels could be heard clickety-clacketing down his tiled hallway. He guessed maybe twenty minutes. He knew they belonged to his mother. He didn’t look at her. “I don’t want to talk to you. You got what you wanted finally. I don’t need this today.”
“Honey, you’re wrong…”
“Honey? Now I’m a pet name, cause now you’ve been bribed to be my mother again. But hell, at least you showed up.” The phone could be heard ringing. He ignored it.
“Nickolas Gene Carter!”
“What?!” He finally yelled as he whirled towards her. “What do you want to say to me mom? Cause I would love to hear it!”
The two stared each other down, each thinking of what to say. He waited for her to say something, anything. Nick willed her to say the things he’d been wishing for since he had been only a teenager. She opened her mouth, but before she could, he saw Howie running towards them. His eyes were stormy and filled with clouds of concern. He had a phone in his hand.
“Nick…its Aaron…”
